let the lights bleed
WARNING
This story features sexual content (so, it's NSFW). It touches upon issues of objectification of trans individuals, misgendering, (implied) dubious consent, lack of respect for boundaries (and active breaking of them) and has a brief mention of self-harm. The audio contains sigh-like sounds, therefore, I recommend playing with headphones or without sound.
At this moment, you don't want me. Did you ever want me? Or is it all just about my body?
A short (500 words) tale about being seen as an object made for Neo Twiny Jam 2024.
Writing, background, audio - Naarel
Big thanks to Ethel Cain's "Gibson Girl" for the line "and if you hate me/please don't tell me/just let the lights bleed/all over me".
This game is a part 1 of the Primary Lights trilogy: Red Light/Blue Light/Green Light. There's also an additional, Secondary Lights trilogy, presenting the story from different viewpoints: yellow/cyan/magenta.
Development log
- it's just a body: let the lights bleed ramble76 days ago
Comments
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That was incredibly evocative and I feel lacking for words to describe it beyond beautiful and heartbreaking. Your writing is incredibly precise in its meaning, leaving room for interpretation but none for misunderstanding the narrator's feeling amid the heavy atmosphere. My heart goes out to the narrator, both parts of them--the body and the distanced mind
You're genuinely so incredibly talented to write such an emotional story with the word restrictions you were given. The repetition of the several, but only "choice" you have really hammers things into the readers skull, but your pacing as well all feels like such a natural (while obviously not healthy) progression of thought for someone in the speaker's position. Good job. A powerful, emotional read for sure.
The way this makes you feel so much with only 3 things (the writing, the sounds and the color red) is incredible. Thank you for making this story!!
Beautifully evocative. Sucked me in from the very beginning. Thank you for telling this story.
this put to words a lot of feelings that i've had for a long time but could never properly describe. it hits hard. thank you.
obrigada pela perspectiva
This sounds like a really painful experience. Wanting more, but not having a partner who desires you for you. I hope you know you deserve better than this.
oof. been there!!! really evocative writing + sound + art, super well done
God damn, this hits hard. Thanks for making it.
I really think you managed to capture, in this, the ambiguity between wanting to feel desired, as it helps you feel good about a body which doesn't look beautiful to you, and yet, this jolt of dignity (it might not be the right word), making you realise what is happening is wrong, that your partner doesn't consider you at all, and just wants you because you embody everything they desire, whether or not you're actually satisfied with that. So yes, losing yourself and your own look on your body for the sake of others was actually... relatable to an extent this comment section isn't a place to develop lol, even from a non-trans perspective (although the aspects of this game connecting to transidentity are also very strong, and the misgendering, in this context, really was heartbreaking to read).