Diplomatic Party Etiquette – Umoru Eric 2019

Diplomatic Party Etiqutte

Introduction
Relevance of Etiquette Today
Diplomatic Titles
Invitations and Replies
Order of Precedence, Forms of Address & Titles
Attending Events & Table Seating
Party Etiquette & Good Behavior
Conclusion
Reference

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 Diplomatic Party Etiquette – Umoru Eric 2019

Introduction
Essentially, etiquette, courtesy, good manners and protocol are crucial tools which
create the atmosphere needed in the activities of diplomatic missions, in the
collaboration between sovereign partners, they contribute not only to the proper
foreign manifestation of a state but especially to the quality of its relations to
different foreign states.

A little history on the term etiquette, the etymology of the word was based on an
interdiction imposed in the Versailles Park by the chief gardener at the court of
French King Louis XIV (1638-1715) who ordered that inscriptions be planted
asking for no trespassing on his newly planted lawns. But as the nobles kept
ignoring the message, the gardener succeeded in receiving a royal decree which
made these etiquettes mandatory. Since then the word entered the current use as
referring to a behavior according to norms.1

What is etiquette? It simply means the rules of correct behavior or the code of
polite behavior. Though a general description has a universal difference in
application and process. The same rules don’t apply to everybody everywhere.
What is good behavior for one group might not be so for another group.

Etiquette entails politeness and deference between individuals and groups of

people. Be it among family members, social and business settings or even during
diplomatic encounters. It is based on common courtesy rules that people acquire
throughout their lives. Ideally it should be introduced from early childhood and be
carried forward all throughout the years. It includes among other features, proper
ways of conduct, greetings, table manners, gallantry and graciousness.

Further, some other actors have defined the term etiquette as referring to the
formalism of individual relations no matter if the rapport is a hierarchical one or
not2 OR as forming part of the larger domain of social behavior which often

1
Diplomacy and Diplomatic Protocol published by Oana Iucu PhD (University
of Bucharest Journal No.8 2008)

2
(Dussault, Louis - Protocolul, instrument de comunicare, Editura Galaxia
Bucuresti, 1996),
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represents an outer ceremonial which can make someone glimmer but not shine.
Since the true brilliance of a human being comes from the inside and not from the
outside3
As for Diplomacy, it is a skillful and insightful way of interacting with people. To
this day, I don’t know anyone who has been able to define the word diplomacy as
good as Sir Winston Churchill4 His famous quote always resonates in my ears as:
“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for
directions.”

Diplomatic etiquette is the complex of customaries, rules and habits, observed by

government facilities, organizations, authorities, businessmen and others, who
participate in external communication. In the case of special occasions such as a
diplomatic parties, events, occasions or get together, there are variances of
expected etiquette that have developed over time into protocols and thus
religiously observed.

My work will attempt to highlight essential attributes of diplomatic party etiquette,

observe relationships and determining factors around diplomatic party etiquette
and more importantly reinforce the need for its religious observance amongst
actors in the diplomatic space.

The relevance of Etiquette in Diplomatic Practice

Today
Diplomatic party and formal events may refer different receptions and ceremonies,
held on the occasion of national holidays, historically significant dates, arrival of
foreign delegations, heads of state and government, etc. Such receptions are
navigated by heads of state, government, ministers, and also high commission and
embassies, consular agencies, trade delegations of the state abroad.

Today diplomatic etiquette is particularly important because it not only covers the
ceremonial rules of courtesy that are followed during official functions and how to

3
(Vasile Izdraila - Bunacuviinta si comportamentul civilizat, Editura Facla,
Timisoara, 1998).
4
(1874-1965).
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 Diplomatic Party Etiquette – Umoru Eric 2019

behave on these special occasions/parties, but it also provides a set of established

rules of courteousness that are to be respected in society.5

When you approach others with a culturally savvy mind and make an effort to
acknowledge and respect your differences, the prospects for a better relational
future become promising and highly probable. Remember that respect, humility,
fairness, empathy and cultural awareness could reward and benefit all.6
Nowadays the activity of diplomatic and consular missions is sustained according
to The Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations (April 18th 1961) and to The
Vienna Convention on Consular Relations (April 24th 1963) as well as to
worldwide norms of courtesy which are widely applied in spite of the fact that they
have no juridical character recognizing their merit in creating and maintaining an
atmosphere favorable to developing relationships between states.7

Diplomatic Titles
Chiefs of Mission:

Mr./Madam Ambassador (this also applies to an ambassador with a military title),

or Ambassador Reed. (The term ‘Excellency’ for the Ambassador is also used in a
few countries).

Sir Joseph - British ambassador who is a knight (Sir Joseph's wife would be
addressed as "Lady Smith".)

5
([Link] accessed on Wednesday, 19th
June, 2019)

6
[Link]
protocol-and-soft-diplomacy/ accessed 06/20/2019 Protocol & Soft Diplomacy by
Irma Balian.

7
(Manciur, Emilian, Protocol institutional, Editura SNSPA, Bucuresti, 2003).

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 Diplomatic Party Etiquette – Umoru Eric 2019

Lord Cavendish - British ambassador who is a baron

Mr. /Mrs. Booth or Ms. Williams - the ambassador's spouse

Charge d. Affaires:

Mr./Ms./Mrs./Madam Stephen

Ministers and Others:

Mr. /Madam Florence

Invitations and Replies

There are different types of formal invitations available, all based on the occasion.
It can be a Wedding invitation, Telephone invitation, Semi-engraved invitation,
engraved invitation, handwritten invitations and informal invitations.

Proper etiquette is very important when writing an invitation. Everything from the
paper used, form of address, wordings on the invitations, the venue and when the
invitation is sent all shadow under proper etiquette. So first, Research the etiquette
used in the country to which you are writing. Different countries have their own
formalities and diplomatic protocol for addressing ambassadors and other members
of embassy staff.

Formal invitations are the best and easiest form of etiquette adoption irrespective
of the occasion.

If you wish to address the High Commissioner or another member of the embassy
or consular staff, you must write a formal letter. This letter should include your
personal details, requests and reasons for writing, and formal salutations, or you
may not get a response. How you address a letter to an embassy depends on the
country and particular individual to which you are writing.8 For example, if you're
writing to an embassy staff member at the British High Commission, you would
write;

8
[Link] accessed 06/22/19
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"Mr. Paul Arkwright, British High Commission" on the first line of the address
block, followed by the physical address. If Mr. Paul is the High Commissioner,
you would write "The Honorable Mr. Paul Arkwright, British High Commissioner
to Nigeria; British High Commission." Note that for many countries the correct
title for an ambassador is "Excellency," as in "His Excellency Mr. Paul.

And the formal address is usually “Dear Honorable Ambassador,” and for any
other staff member it is usually “Dear Sir,” or the name if it is known. Also keep in
mind that countries that recognize nobility and royalty who are in turn assigned
ambassadorial or diplomatic positions will still retain the honor of their traditional
positions.

Keep your invitation clear and concise, and use formal language throughout. If you
address the person to whom you're writing anywhere in the body of your letter, use
their official title and follow any other rules of etiquette you gleaned from your
research. Further is the inclusion of the “and guest” or “plus one” appendage in the
invitation.

Finally, always endeavor to send the invitation early so that reservations and
schedules can be actualized for the occasion. Also, Responding is very important
and should be done, generally by phone, within two days of receiving the
invitation. Be sure to observe the request on the invitation. "Regrets only" means to
call only if you will not attend, and "RSVP" means to respond whether you will or
will not attend.9

In all cases when in the received invitation for breakfast, dinner or any other party
or other type of reception, the letters R.S.V.P are left non-struck out, or there is
phrase “Please reply”, you must beforehand answer whether the invitation is
accepted, by phone or in written form.

The absence of answer or its lateness shall be regarded as discourtesy and

rudeness. After an affirmative reply, it may be necessary to visit the reception to
obligate.

9
‘Protocol for the modern diplomat’ by The Foreign Service Institute U.S
Department of State.
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Order of Precedence, Forms of Address and Titles

The international rules for the Order of Precedence were established by the
Congress of Vienna in 1815. These rules determined the rank for diplomats of
equal title according to the date and hour that they presented their credentials to the
government that accredited them for service. These international courtesy rules are
now well established and time-honored. Following them makes it easier for nations
and people to work together by reducing the potential for disputes over rank. The
rules represent a hierarchical standing of all present. This order is the generally
accepted behavior in matters of state. A person’s position is not necessarily an
indication of his or her functional importance.10

So in the case of formal functions or occasions, how is the list or order applied?

Forms of address vary greatly from culture to culture. The spirit of formality
among diplomatic representatives usually means not addressing others by their first
names. One should rely on courtesy titles until invited to do otherwise.
Ambassadors are addressed as Mr./Madam Ambassador or Ambassador Smith.
Only by special invitation or long friendship should one address an ambassador by
first name and then only when not in the public eye. In indirect address, refer to the
ambassador as "the ambassador".11 Every other person of lower rank is addressed
as Mr., Ms., and Mrs. Etc.…

Mary Mel French, United States Protocol: The Guide to Official Diplomatic
10

Etiquette (United Kingdom: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc., 2010) at 8.

11
[Link]
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Attending Events and Table Seating

The location of an event matters, the etiquette insinuation is impacted heavily by
this. Is it holding in Accra, Vienna, Washington, Lagos or others? It really does
matter as it impacts on dressing, time of arrival and even form of greeting
preferred. Also, in the idea of the event, whether it is formal or informal.

A formal dressing for a man requires a Tuxedo or something suitable for a white
tie event. And for a woman a formal long evening dress or cocktail dress as
suitable for the culture and location. While informal attire can range from jeans to
a dressy pantsuit for women and jackets with or without a tie for men. Since
informal can have different meanings, if you don’t know your host and what he or
she intends, call to clarify.

The time of arrival at an event is basic etiquette for any event as such. In some
countries, an invitation for 8:00 p.m. means you should arrive at precisely 8:00
p.m. In some other countries, it means you should arrive no earlier than 9:30 p.m.
To avoid awkward and embarrassing situations, ask questions before attending
social events.12 A noted point is that Dinners are usually held close to 8:00 p.m.
and luncheons close to 12:30 p.m.

The rank of a diplomat or high government official from any country is very
important and should be honored by those holding a meeting, luncheon, or dinner.
It is appropriate to seat diplomats with others who have comparable rank and
position in government and with those at their level of influence. 13 In general the
order of seating is usually done by the order of precedence of the host country.

The etiquette strand for an informal event is less stringent than a formal event.
Formal events are usually state events or in broader terms events with the presence
of a state official. It can also be termed “Official entertaining”. The purposes of
this kind of events vary, especially in the case of ‘the mission’. Everyone in the
diplomatic and consular community understands the need to make friends quickly.
Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable to invite new acquaintances, as well as

12
Jay Sennett, ‘Rules of Civility: Dinner Etiquette – Formal Dining’ (September
23, 2013) [Link]
13
Supra note 3
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individuals one wishes to meet by hosting either formal event. Due to this there are
always greeting lines and opportunities for the host to greet every guest or try to do
so. Most formal events are usually Dinners and Luncheons.

A major attribute of formal events is usually the meal. The etiquette attributed to a
good dinner or luncheon practically promulgate around the meal course event. The
meal course may vary from 5 courses to nine or ten course or even traditional
thirteen course French meal. The etiquette involves how to sit, what to do and even
which cutlery goes for which meal and how to eat. An example of a typical dinner
meal or luncheon involves the following:

The menu card, fish fork, meat fork, salad fork, plate, napkin and place card, salad
knife, meat knife, fish knife, soup spoon, oyster fork, champagne glass, white wine
glass, sherry glass, red wine glass and water goblet. All of these are handled with
proper etiquette and behavior.

Informal parties can take many forms, such as family-style meals, buffet lunches,
and suppers, barbecues, picnics and tea parties. The key to any event is to move the
guests around so they can talk to different people. Accomplish this by serving in
several rooms, planning interactive games or music and dancing. 14 Business attire
is usually appropriate for an event specified as casual or informal. Breakfast, lunch,
daytime meetings, afternoon tea, and some receptions are generally considered
casual, but the invitation should specify.

Marked difference between a formal and informal dinner event;

 A formal dinner requires a man to wear evening attire such as a tuxedo or

sometimes even white tie.

 All food is served from the kitchen. Guests do not handle serving platters
nor do they pass dishes.

 Neither serving dishes nor utensils are placed on the table. All service and
table clearing is performed by butlers and other service staff.

14
Ibid page17
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 A formal dinner is also distinguished by multiple courses as well as by the

serving of demitasse, brandy and liqueurs.

 And finally, what distinguishes a formal dinner from all other dinners is the
order of service and the seating protocols. While a dinner at Michelin is
much more formal than a local coffee shop, it is, in comparison to formal
state, military, royal and private banquets, informal, if for no other reason
that there are no required seating arrangements.15

Party Etiquette and Good Behavior

Any diplomatic reception is the meeting place for foreign representatives, who in
their relations with each other follow common rules of politeness, kindness and
touch. Here we will attempt to provide a general representation of etiquette to be
observed at table and common red flags to avoid in the course of the party.

Basic table etiquette would include;

 Smoking is not considered acceptable inside or at a table almost everywhere.

 Guests should not sit until the host and hostess are in place and acknowledge
seating. Guests should both seat themselves and depart from the left of the
chair
 Guests should not begin to eat until everyone at the table has been served
and the host, hostess, or both have put their silverware on their plate or
begun eating.
 A considerate guest will speak to the person on his or her right or left who is
not engaged in conversation. In times past, and today in foreign countries,
the accepted form was first to speak to the person seated to one’s right and
then to the person seated to one’s left, but that form is no longer used. It is
more acceptable to have a table engaged in conversation within acceptable
auditory bounds.
 Food is served from the left and removed from the right. (Less formal: plates
are prepared in advance, brought to the table, and set before the guest. This
is also done when there are time constraints.)

15
Supra note 9
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 When eating soup, dip the spoon sideways into the soup at the near edge of
the bowl, then skim from the front of the bowl to the back.
 Food, salt, and pepper should be passed counterclockwise to the right, the
object being that food moves only in one direction around the table.
 Salt and pepper should be passed together.
 Pitchers or other dishes with handles should be passed with the handle
toward the person receiving them.
 The host and hostess will signal when the meal is finished, and guests should
leave the table following their host.
 If excusing oneself from the table before the meal is finished and returning
to the table, the napkin should be left, lightly folded, in one’s chair. When
the meal is over, the napkin should be placed where the dinner plate was
removed or to the left of the plate on the table, slightly folded.

Other simple etiquette rules of good behavior to observe are;

Always have a smile and friendly demeanor

No long face, do not look bitter, unhappy or upset

Avoid looking stressed or uncomfortable; always remember people can tell if you
appear too anxious

Say hello and introduce yourself to people that are standing next to you or not to
far from you

Look around and find a person or group you can talk to or join in a conversation

If you are with people you know, make sure to include those people that seem
alone or that are not talking with anyone

Introduce people that do not know each other

Extend your right hand for a handshake

A handshake should be firm, but not too strong

Always choose conversation topics that are light, nothing personal or embarrassing

Drink moderately
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Stand straight

Talk in an even tone

Bring a guest only if the invitation mentioned you can bring a guest

Do not stand to close to people when you talk

Do not stare at anyone

Mingle in a considerate manner, do not interrupt someone talking, finish the

conversation and then excuse yourself and move on, you can say “excuse me but I
just saw my friend arrive and look for me”, or “sorry to run but I am going to get a
drink or something to eat” or “excuse me I just saw someone I want to say hello
to”

Politely end a conversation (when you need to go or it is dragging), never hurt

anyone’s feelings

Do not look bored

Say proper goodbye to host

Call the host the next day to thank her or you can even send a thank you note.16

Finally, leave a party at a reasonable hour, no matter how much fun you are
having. Leaving early is better than overstaying one's welcome. But be aware that
in some countries, a reasonable hour may be very late by other standards. It is best
not to leave prior to the departure of the senior official of any nationality. Do not
leave before the guest of honor or the senior representative of your mission leaves,
especially if you are helping to host an event. Be sure to thank the hosts before you
depart, keeping the farewells brief

Good Manners and Etiquette: Treat People the way you want to be treated.
16

[Link] accessed 06/22/19

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Conclusion
It is imperative for every diplomat and consular staff, government employees and
international enthusiasts including students to acquaint him/her with the general
rules of social conduct as well as those rules particular to a post or country of
assignment. An understanding and acceptance of these rules will enhance
relationships, whether formal, informal, official or unofficial, with people of other
nations. The prudent employee, and family members, will supplement his/her
knowledge by reading prior to arriving at post, participating in the post orientation
program, and consulting with host country experts. The better prepared a
representative and family members are the more effective and pleasurable their
overseas experience will be. To this end, efforts should be made particularly by
government to continuously orientate and build capacities along this line for
greater diplomatic outcomes.

In the words of Irma Balian civility and courteousness existed since the beginning
of humanity. With the age of technology ruling so vigorously, we need to
reintroduce etiquette, manners, protocol and soft diplomacy, in order to provide a
contemporary framework for our everyday communication and interpersonal skills.

Conclusively, Parties etiquette are the good manners and behaviors that shape
events in the form of dinners or luncheons whether formal or informal between
individuals of all nations. There are multiplicities of actions that are all shaped by
etiquettes in these events. Be it in sitting, talking, dressing and behavior. The idea a
party etiquette is shared amicably by both the host and guest of any event or party
as ascribed by the title of this paper.

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References
Anonymous. “Flag Etiquette,” PM. Public Management. Washington: Mar 2003.
Vol. 85, Iss. 2; p. 22
Anonymous. “More Flag Etiquette,” The Washington Post. Washington, D.C.: Oct
13, 2001.p. A.26
Amir, Datin Noor Aini Syed. Malaysian Customs & Etiquette. Times Books
International, Singapore 1991
Oana Iucu PhD, “Diplomacy and Diplomatic Protocol” (University of Bucharest
Journal No.8 2008)
Fox, Sue; Etiquette for Dummies, (Wiley Publishing: Indiana, 2007)
Mitchell, Mary; The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Etiquette (Alpha Books: New York,
1996)
Transition Center, Foreign Service Institute “Protocol for Diplomats” (US State
Department, Washington D.C, 2005).

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