The Great Car Rally

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"The Great Car Rally"
Publisher	Marvel Books, Kid Stuff
First published	1984, 1985
Story by	Dwight Jon Zimmerman
Art by	Earl Norem
Continuity	Don't hold your breath.
ISBN	ISBN 9780871350152 ISBN 0-87135-015-7
Page count	36

The Autobots enter a race to win free gas and oil for a year. But the Decepticons have a little surprise for them!

Synopsis

Cliffjumper shows Mirage a billboard advertising the "Big Car Rally", for which first prize is free gas and oil for one year. The Autobots decide to inform their commander, but, unbeknownst to them, the evil Soundwave just happens to be hiding in the bushes next to that very billboard, listening to their entire conversation. While Mirage and Cliffjumper go off to tell Prime, Soundwave likewise informs Megatron of the Autobots' plan.

The Autobots examine a map of the race and decide who will run each of the three stages of the rally. Mirage is assigned the winding coastal road portion, the mountainous section will be traversed by Hound, and Cliffjumper is assigned the final stretch. When the race begins, Spike and Sparkplug watch as Mirage takes an early lead. Spike is excited, but Sparkplug wisely cautions that the Autobots have a long way to go before the race is over. Almost as if Sparkplug has some sort of supernatural clairvoyance, Skywarp appears and attacks Mirage. Mirage counterattacks and defeats the jet, but in the course of the fighting, he has gone from first place to last.

Megatron has the most awesome Ultra Pretender shell ever!

Mirage meets Hound at the start of the mountain stage, and warns his ally to watch out for Decepticons. Hound starts his part of the race with confidence, but up ahead, Rumble awaits his approach. Thinking Hound will be too busy watching for threats to keep his optics on the road, Rumble collapses a bridge so Hound will fall into the chasm. Huffer shows up and puts the bridge back together after Rumble leaves, and the racers proceed to the end of the stage without interruption.

At the start of the final stage of the race, Thundercracker attacks, planning to ambush Cliffjumper before he even gets going. Hound foils the Decepticon's plan, sacrificing himself by jumping into the path of the missiles meant for Cliffjumper. Ratchet arrives and begins reassembling Hound as Cliffjumper speeds away. The little red Autobot makes his way to the front of the pack, with only an ominous black car between him and the lead. When he pulls even, the black car's driver reveals himself to be none other than the Decepticon leader, Megatron!

Megatron opens fire on Cliffjumper as a concerned Bumblebee watches from near the finish line. After Bumblebee explains the situation to his commander, Optimus Prime uproots a nearby utility pole, telling Bumblebee that the way to deal with bullies like Megatron is to use a bigger stick. Prime then proceeds to swing his impromptu bat at Megatron, sending the Decepticon and his car beyond the horizon. With Megatron out of the race, Cliffjumper cruises to an easy victory, and the Autobots celebrate their win. Spike declines to share a portion of the Autobots' prize, opting for human food instead.

Featured Characters

(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)

Quotes

"You sure go all to pieces when a missile hits you, Hound."

—Oh, that Ratchet, what a comedian.

Notes

And good times were had by all. Yay!

• Owing to its different author and its origin as a Big Looker Storybook, this book differs in style and tone from subsequent Kid Stuff books. Among other things, it has more than the normal stable of four speaking characters.
• All appearances of Optimus show him with a mouth rather than his usual mouthplate, leading to the really creepy open-mouthed grin on the last page.
• Sparkplug's son is called "Spike", but the illustrations look like his other son, Buster, or possibly his other other son, Butch.
• Rather than affording him invisibility, in this story Mirage's Electro-Disrupter seems to function like Blaster's electro-scrambler.
• Even if one assumes that the bridge he destroys is only one lane wide, and the trees he's standing next to are saplings, Rumble appears to be quite a bit bigger than his normal roughly-human-sized portrayal.
• Megatron is drawn in his pre-production design with the black helmet. The text even mentions Megatron pulling the trigger of his cannon.
• Megatron is driving a car! Also, Cliffjumper has very human-looking eyes on his headlights in vehicle mode.
• Prime casually yanks a telephone pole out of the ground, probably cutting off telephone and electrical service to untold numbers of local residents in the process. What a jerk.

Errors

• At one point Cliffjumper is referred to by his pre-production name "Blow-Out".
• At the start of the third stage, the car next to Cliffjumper has its number '12' reversed.
• The labeling on Mirage's sides reads "Citane" rather than "Citanes".
• Ratchet is consistently misspelled "Rachet".

Covers (2)

• Marvel Big Looker Storybook
• Kid Stuff read along storybook

External links

• The Great Car Rally at Steve-o Stonebraker's site.