Okay so. There’s this king Aegon “The Unworthy” the 4th (ae4gon if you don’t have time) and because he was just kind of born under a bad sign he was the wooooooooorst guy ever like comically terrible recreationally cruel misanthropic turbohedonist. Just fucking disrespectful. He didn’t have an evil plan or anything. He was just kind of using his power to antagonize everyone he disliked enrich himself and also have one million mistresses.

He had two siblings who were the exact opposite of him and that his sister and brother were both the most neurotic westerosi tradcaths. Ae4gon hated his brother Aemon (lame ass knight who died in his service, despite despising him, which was kind of dickrider behavior )and used his sister Naerys (baby-bird-victim-wannabe-nun) who he also had to marry as a weapon against him because he knew they liked each other so he would just kind of be awful to her as a way to get into his brother‘s mind. Ae4gon and Naerys had two children who survived to adulthood the important one to this story is Daeron, who was by all accounts kind of a nerd he like was chubby and liked to read books and think about his decisions before he made them.

But Ae4gon also had his aforementioned like 1 billion mistresses and he had kids with all of them. Those kids are called great bastards these are the ocs. The most important canon ones are Bittersteel who’s the bracken one he’s like 7 foot eight and fucking belligerent and then there’s Bloodraven who’s the Blackwood one and he’s an evil twink who invented the surveillance state using bird blood magic and also only has one eye because Bittersteel ate it during a duel. i’m getting ahead of myself. There’s also Shiera who had two different color eyes and was the most prettiest princess in the party and also maybe a blood witch? she was trying to challengers Bloodraven and Bittersteel a little bit but ended up hooking up with Bloodraven more until she left him? who knows.

However, the most important bastard child of all was Daemon “Daemy B” Blackfyre. His mom was a Targaryen Princess who should have been the queen except misogyny did win the war on misogyny during the dance of the dragons so she wasn’t. Daemy B was a bastard, but he was his dad‘s favorite because he was masc and had an eight pack and a magic sword he was named after called blackfyre, which was Valyrian steel. Ae4gon gave it to him instead of Daeron, his legitimate heir.

One day Ae4gon got bored and decided that he was gonna declare Daeron the illegitimate child of his two siblings, cause he didn’t like him. this successfully killed off both of his siblings (don’t worry about it) and made Daemy B a more likely contender for the crown. And then another day Ae4gon got bored again and decided that not only was he going to die, but on his way out, he was actually going to retroactively legitimize every single one of his thousand bastard children so they could start a realm destroying civil war because fuck the world.

For a while, no one started around destroying civil war, but then about 12 years passed and Bittersteel with his bracken treachery, convinces Daemy B to make a go for the throne because he was way hotter and sword-er than his brother. Every single one of the Blackfyre allies is like the evil league of evil it’s Brackens it’s Peakes it’s Toynes I know there would be Coles there probably. it’s also racists because Daeron had a Dornish Martell wife because he negotiate a peace treaty to bring Dorne into the realm through marriage and alliances, instead of just trying to kill them all again and some did not like this.

However, Daemy B forgot to consider that having the Brackens on his side meant that he would LOSE. and they had a big battle at the end of the first rebellion where Daemy B gets shot and dies because of Bloodraven and Shiera inventing heat-seeking weirwood missiles. Bittersteel cuts out Bloodraven’s eye and then takes Daemy B’s like one billion kids he had with his wife and flees to essos.

However, (man I introduced the thread of this guy having a lot of kids too late) anyway, Daemy B has a lot of kids and those kids about once every 20 minutes decides they’re gonna do a Blackfyre Rebellion cause maybe it’ll work this time.

One of those kids is Daemon II Blackfyre (Dae2mon), who is the Mystery Knight in the Dunk and Egg Novella in the Mystery Knight. He is a melancholic twink who loves to play the fiddle and is constantly haunted by his prophetic dreams. He says I dreamed of you. He hits on Dunk who is too stupid to clock it. He goes over to Westeros to start another Blackfyre rebellion, which is contingent on winning a tourney and hatching a dragon egg but it doesn’t work because Bloodraven did invent the modern surveillance state using bird blood magic and thus identifies it instantly thwarts the whole thing and takes Dae2mon hostage he’s like the court gay false prophet purse dog for a while and then he dies mysteriously. He’s my favorite for being Renly Baratheon.

This pattern of Blackfyres coming over trying to start a rebellion and getting Bloodraven nuked from orbit continues until there is a great council because the king has no heirs. And Bloodraven invites Aenys Blackfyre, the current Blackfyre, over to westeros to be like okay we will hear you out. This is JUST an excuse to kill his ass. However in a twist of fate WOKE EGG becomes the king at the council and is like Bloodraven you canttttttttt actually just invite people to my house to kill them. That was my cousin I did not like that you🫵 are going to the wall🙂‍↕️. And woke egg sends Bloodraven to the wall. Bloodraven gets himself elected lord commander and then deserts to go be a tree. The end. Sort of.

YAYY!!! Being a brunette middle-class boring accountant who is kind of ambitious and conniving but not atypically so in a family full of blood wizards, doomed prophets, and whatever was going on with Daemon Blackfyre is such a concept. Being normal until the very end and suddenly getting pulled in by becoming Important at Work and having an affair with Dae2mon only to get executed for procedural cover your ass work from decades ago makes this PEAK. Thank you for your service Simon Waters I know he counted beets in a meticulous parchment spreadsheet

Oh my god the king visenya au. I forgot about it after I wrote the first and second part I need to get back and write rhaenyra the unlucky through the darksister rebellions at some point cause it’s a very fun outline to me.

I really like the main series’s assertion that none of the kings get to be POVs because they are fundamentally unknowable and in a sense killed the second the crown touches their head. I also think because it’s an expansive whole thing it probably does work better with a fake historical perspective, but if I’m playing this game of the named characters in Fire and blood, Orys Baratheon, whoever the founding lord commander of the Kingsguard was, Sharra Arryn, Elissa Farman, Jonquil Darke, Mysaria and Even More of a Crashout Daemon, Saera’s dead daughter Aerea, sad baby Laenor and maybe Tyland would all be on my list since the whole premise is extremely self-indulgent.

No. Cersei is a misogynist who does not like women and usually thinks that all women both deserve and secretly want their own oppression except for her. She’s spitting out an insane fire and blood book report that’s just like “actually Rhaenyra should have used MORE force to subjugate the idiot peasants of King’s Landing and also killed her brother at birth and also not crowned her stupid bastards princes ever.”Like I think she genuinely would not notice any of their commonalities and actually resent Rhaenyra more over the traits they have in common. 

Cersei is also a fascist so losing the war is a big thumbs down plus obviously getting murdered by her treacherous little brother who arguably has been destined to usurp and threaten her since his birth would be an unacceptable mark against Rhaenyra in Cersei’s mind. To say nothing of the complicated feelings resulting from Rhaenyra having a father who actually loved her and trusted her with power.

Obviously the Lannisters. Theon has agonizing identity issues that Balon helps cause and is part of, but his rejection by his father is just one component part of his rejection by his family and culture and being found wanting by iron islands masculinity standards that drives him insane in a clash of kings. When Theon agonizes about who am iiiiiiiii “Balon’s Son” is but one answer of many and ultimately ends up being less important than even “Asha’s brother” or “Theon.”

The Lannisters have never even been able to ask that question because like the sad pale malnourished lions under Casterly Rock they have never once left the psychological cage their father put them in. There is no who am I outside of Tywin’s Son. This is the plot of feastdance.