English Language

Arts 30–1
Examples of
the Standards for
Students’ Writing
From the January 2020 Diploma Examination

Classification: Public
This document was written primarily for:

Students 
Teachers 
Administrators 
Parents 
General Public 
Others

Copyright 2021, the Crown in Right of Alberta, as represented by the Minister of Education, Alberta
Education, Provincial Assessment Sector, 44 Capital Boulevard, 10044 108 Street NW, Edmonton,
Alberta T5J 5E6, and its licensors. All rights reserved.

Special permission is granted to Alberta educators only to reproduce, for educational purposes and on a
non-profit basis, parts of this document that do not contain excerpted material.

Excerpted material in this document shall not be reproduced without the written permission of the
original publisher (see credits, where applicable).
 Contents
Acknowledgements........................................................................................................................ ii
Introduction....................................................................................................................................1
English Language Arts 30–1
January 2020 Writing Assignments...............................................................................................3
Assignment I: Personal Response to Texts.........................................................................4
Assignment II: Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts..........................................9
English Language Arts 30–1
Part A: Written Response Standards Confirmation......................................................................11
Examples of Students’ Writing with Teachers’ Commentaries....................................................12
English Language Arts 30–1,
January 2020 Personal Response to Texts Assignment....................................................12
English Language Arts 30–1,
January 2020 Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment......................42
Scoring Categories and Criteria...................................................................................................77

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Acknowledgements
Publication of this document would not have been possible without the permission of the
students whose writing is presented. The cooperation of these students has allowed us to continue
illustrating the standards of writing performance expected in the context of diploma examinations
and demonstrate the variety of approaches taken by students in their writing.

This document includes the valuable contributions of many educators. Sincere thanks and
appreciation are extended to the following standards confirmers: Leta Layton, Cherry Bessey,
Emily Wong, Erin Ochoa, David Wasmuth, Jim Forrest, John Finnie, Shalini Kapoor,
Stephen Womack, and James Alato.

We gratefully acknowledge the contributions made by members of the Humanities Unit and the
Document Design and Desktop Publishing Unit of the Provincial Assessment Sector, Alberta
Education.

You can reach us with your comments and questions by email to

Gary.Hoogers@gov.ab.ca, Vera.Franjic@gov.ab.ca, or Deanna.Shostak@gov.ab.ca,
or by regular mail at

Alberta Education
Box 43
44 Capital Boulevard
10044 108 Street NW
Edmonton, Alberta T5J 5E6

We would be pleased to hear from you.

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Introduction
The written responses in this document are examples of English Language Arts 30–1
Diploma Examination student writing that received scores of Satisfactory (S), Proficient (Pf),
or Excellent (E). These sample responses are taken from the January 2020 administration.
Along with the commentaries that accompany them, they should help teachers and students
to understand the standards for English Language Arts 30–1 Diploma Examination writing in
relation to the scoring criteria.

The purpose of the sample responses is to illustrate the standards that governed the January
2020 marking session. The sample papers and the commentaries were used to train markers to
apply the scoring criteria consistently and to justify their decisions about scores in terms of each
student’s work and the criteria.

The sample responses included in this document represent a very small sample of successful
approaches to the assignments.

Selection and Use of Sample Papers

The teachers on the Standards Confirmation Committee for the January 2020 marking session
selected the examples of student responses included here. They also wrote the commentaries that
discuss the students’ writing in terms of the scoring criteria used for marking.

During their preparation for the January 2020 marking session, markers reviewed and validated
the standards represented by these sample responses. Markers then used these sample responses
as guidelines for marking the written-response sections of the January 2020 English Language
Arts 30–1 Diploma Examination.

Cautions
1. The commentaries are brief.

The commentaries were written for groups of markers to discuss and apply during the
marking session. Although brief, they provide a model for relating specific examples from
student work to the details in a specific scoring criterion.

2. Neither the scoring guide nor the assignments are meant to limit students to a single
organizational or rhetorical approach in completing any diploma examination
assignment.

Students are free to select and organize their materials in a manner that they feel will enable
them to present their ideas most successfully. In fact, part of what is being assessed is the
final effectiveness of the content, the form and structure, and the rhetorical choices that
students make.

The student writing in this document illustrates just a few of the many organizational and
rhetorical strategies used in January 2020.

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 There is no preferred approach to an assignment except the approach that accomplishes the
student’s goal of effectively communicating their own ideas about the topic.

We advise you not to draw any conclusions about common patterns of approach taken by
students.

3. The sample papers presented in this document must not be used as models for
instructional purposes.

Because these papers are illustrations only, and because they are sample responses to a set
topic, students must be cautioned not to memorize the content of any of these assignments
or to use them when completing classroom assignments or when writing future diploma
examinations.

The approaches taken by students at the standard of excellence, not their words or ideas, are
what students being examined in the future should consider emulating. In fact, it is hoped
that the variety of approaches presented here will inspire students to experiment with diction,
syntax, form, and structure as a way of developing an engaging and thoughtful individual
voice.

Examination markers and staff at Alberta Education take any possibility of plagiarism or
cheating seriously. The consequences for students are grave.

4. It is essential that you consider each of these examples of student writing in light of the
constraints of the examination situation.

Under examination conditions, students produce first-draft writing.

5. More information about student performance on the Part A: Written Response can be
found in the English Language Arts 30–1 Information Bulletin.

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English Language Arts 30–1 January 2020 Writing Assignments

January 2020
English Language Arts 30–1
Part A: Written Response
Grade 12 Diploma Examination

Description Instructions
Time: 3 hours. This examination was • Complete Assignment I first. The
developed to be completed in 3 hours; Personal Response to Texts Assignment
however, you may take up to 6 hours to is designed to allow you time to think
complete the examination, should you and reflect upon the ideas that you may
need it. also explore in Assignment II:
Critical/Analytical Response to
Part A: Written Response consists of Literary Texts. The two assignments are
two assignments worth 50% of the total thematically linked, but are not identical.
English Language Arts 30–1 diploma Complete both assignments.
examination mark.
• It is your responsibility to print out
Assignment I: (or handwrite) and staple all of your final
Personal Response to Texts written work to the designated pages in
Value 20% of total examination mark this booklet. You must also verify that
this has been done correctly. Page 9
Assignment II: illustrates how to attach your final work
Critical/Analytical Response to to the booklet.
Literary Texts
Value 30% of total examination mark
Additional Instructions for Students
Using Word Processors
Recommendation: Plan your time
carefully. Use the initial planning • Format your work using an easy-to-
pages. Time spent in planning will read 12-point font, double space, and
result in better writing. use headers and footers as illustrated
on page 9.
• You may use the following print
references:
–an English and/or bilingual dictionary Additional Instructions for Students
–a thesaurus Who are Handwriting
–an authorized writing handbook
• Use the paper provided by your school
• Space is provided in this booklet for for handwritten work. Note that there
planning. is no paper provided in this booklet for
final written work.

• Use blue or black ink for handwritten

Do not write your name anywhere in this
work.
booklet or on your response. Feel free to
make handwritten revisions directly on
your final response.

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 Assignment I: Personal Response to Texts

ASSIGNMENT I: PERSONAL RESPONSE TO TEXTS

Suggested time: approximately 45 to 60 minutes
Suggested word count range: 600 to 1200 words

Carefully read and consider the texts on pages 1 to 4, and then complete the assignment
that follows.

WHO BURNS FOR THE PERFECTION OF PAPER

At sixteen, I worked after high school hours

at a printing plant
that manufactured legal pads:
Yellow paper
stacked seven feet high
and leaning
as I slipped cardboard
between the pages,
then brushed red glue
up and down the stack.
No gloves: fingertips required
for the perfection of paper,
smoothing the exact rectangle.
Sluggish by 9 pm, the hands
would slide along suddenly sharp paper,
and gather slits thinner than the crevices
of the skin, hidden.
The glue would sting,
hands oozing
till both palms burned
at the punchclock.

Ten years later, in law school,

I knew that every legal pad
was glued with the sting of hidden cuts,
that every open law book
was a pair of hands
upturned and burning.
Martín Espada

“Who Burns for the Perfection of Paper,” from CITY OF COUGHING AND DEAD RADIATORS by
Martín Espada. Copyright © 1993 by Martín Espada. Used by permission of W. W. Norton & Company,
Inc. This selection may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
means without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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In the following excerpt from a novel, Miranda is an artist whose current project is a science-fiction
graphic novel entitled Station Eleven.

from STATION ELEVEN

later they have a house in the Hollywood Hills and a Pomeranian who shines like a little ghost
when Miranda calls for her at night, a white smudge in the darkness at the end of the yard. There are
photographers who follow Arthur and Miranda in the street, who keep Miranda forever anxious and on
edge. Arthur’s name appears above the titles of his movies now. On the night of their third anniversary,
his face is on billboards all over the continent.
Tonight they’re having a dinner party and Luli, their Pomeranian, is watching the proceedings from
the sunroom, where she’s been exiled for begging table scraps. Every time Miranda glances up from the
table, she sees Luli peering in through the glass French doors.
“Your dog looks like a marshmallow,” says Gary Heller, who is Arthur’s lawyer.
“She’s the cutest little thing,” Elizabeth Colton says. Her face is next to Arthur’s on the billboards,
flashing a brilliant smile withThis
veryexcerpt is unavailable
red lips, for electronic
but offscreen she wearsposting.
no lipstick and seems nervous and
shy. She is beautiful in a way that makes people forget what they were going to say when they look at
her. She is very soft-spoken. People are forever leaning in close to hear what she’s saying.
There are ten guests here tonight, an intimate evening to celebrate both the anniversary and the
opening weekend figures. “Two birds with one stone,” Arthur said, but there’s something wrong with
the evening, and Miranda is finding it increasingly difficult to hide her unease. Why would a three-year
wedding anniversary celebration involve anyone other than the two people who are actually married to
one another? Who are all these extraneous people at my table? She’s seated at the opposite end of the
table from Arthur, and she somehow can’t quite manage to catch his eye. He’s talking to everyone
except her. No one seems to have noticed that Miranda’s saying very little. “I wish you’d try a little
harder,” Arthur has said to her once or twice, but she knows she’ll never belong here no matter how
hard she tries. These are not her people. She is marooned on a strange planet. The best she can do is
pretend to be unflappable when she isn’t.
Plates and bottles are being ferried to and from the table by a small army of caterers, who will leave
their head shots and possibly a screenplay or two behind in the kitchen at the end of the night. Luli, on
the wrong side of the glass, is staring at a strawberry that’s fallen off the top of Heller’s wife’s dessert.
Miranda has a poor memory when she’s nervous, which is to say whenever she has to meet industry
people or throw a dinner party or especially both, and she absolutely cannot remember Heller’s wife’s
name although she’s heard it at least twice this evening.
“Oh, it was intense,” Heller’s wife is saying now, in response to something that Miranda didn’t hear.
“We were out there for a week, just surfing every day. It was actually really spiritual.”
“The surfing?” the producer seated beside her asks. …

The dessert plates are cleared around midnight but no one’s close to leaving, a wine-drenched languor
settling over the table. Arthur is deep in conversation with Heller. Heller’s nameless wife is gazing
dreamily at the chandelier.
Clark Thompson is here, Arthur’s oldest friend and the only person at this table, aside from
Miranda, who has no professional involvement in movies.
“I’m sorry,” a woman named Tesch is saying now, to Clark, “what exactly is it that you do?” Tesch
seems to be someone who mistakes rudeness for intellectual rigour. She is about forty, and wears severe
black-framed glasses that somehow remind Miranda of architects. Miranda met her for the first time
St. John Mandel, Emily. Station Eleven. Toronto: HarperAvenue, 2014, p. 91–95

52
 This photograph is unavailable for electronic posting.

Gudzowaty, Tomasz. From the series "Power Punch Girls", 2006.

6
 Tear-Out
ASSIGNMENT I: PERSONAL RESPONSE TO TEXTS Page
Suggested time: approximately 45 to 60 minutes
Suggested word count range: 600 to 1200 words

You have been provided with three texts on pages 1 to 4. The speaker in Martín Espada’s
poem “Who Burns for the Perfection of Paper” reflects on the production of legal pads.
In the excerpt from Emily St. John Mandel’s novel Station Eleven, Miranda considers her
work and her relationships with others. Tomasz Gudzowaty’s untitled photograph is of a
woman in a training centre in Kollam, India.

The Assignment
What do these texts suggest to you about the tension between an individual’s
doubts and convictions? Support your idea(s) with reference to one or more of the
prompting texts presented and to your previous knowledge and/or experience.
Fold and tear along perforation.

In your writing, you must

• use a prose form

• connect one or more of the prompting texts provided in this examination to the topic
and to your own ideas and impressions

57
Assignment I: Personal Response to Texts

Initial Planning

To which of the provided texts are you responding? What is the connection between the
text(s) and your response?

What idea about the prompting text(s) do you intend to explore and how does it address
the topic?

State your choice of prose form. Choose from prose forms that you have practised in
English Language Arts 30–1. You may respond using a personal, creative, or analytical
perspective. Do NOT use a poetic form.

Use additional paper for planning if required.

78
 Assignment II: Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts

Tear-Out
ASSIGNMENT II: Page
CRITICAL / ANALYTICAL RESPONSE TO LITERARY TEXTS
Suggested time: approximately 1½ to 2 hours
Suggested word count range: 800 to 1600 words

Do not use the texts provided in this booklet for the Critical/Analytical Response to
Literary Texts Assignment. Choose from short stories, novels, plays, screenplays, poetry,
films, or other literary texts that you have studied in English Language Arts 30–1. When
considering the works that you have studied, choose a literary text (or texts) that is
meaningful to you and relevant to the following assignment.

The Assignment
Discuss the idea(s) developed by the text creator in your chosen text about the
strength of an individual’s convictions when dealing with the expectations of others.

In your planning and writing, consider the following instructions.

Fold and tear along perforation.

• Carefully consider your controlling idea and how you will create a strong unifying
effect in your response.

• As you develop your ideas, support them with appropriate, relevant, and meaningful
examples from your choice of literary text(s).

11
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Assignment II: Critical / Analytical Response to Literary Texts

Initial Planning

You may use this space for your initial planning. This information assists markers in
identifying the text you have chosen to support your ideas. The markers who read your
composition will be very familiar with the literary text you have chosen.

Literary Text and

Text Creator

Note: Write the title of your chosen literary text on the back cover of this examination
booklet.

Personal Reflection on Choice of Literary Text

Suggested time: 10 to 15 minutes

Briefly explore your reasons for selecting the literary text as support for your response.
Markers will consider the information you provide here when considering the
effectiveness of your supporting evidence.

13
10
 English Language Arts 30–1
Part A: Written Response Standards Confirmation
Background
For all diploma examination scoring sessions, Provincial Assessment Sector staff use a process of
standards confirmation to establish and illustrate expectations for students’ work in relation to the
scoring criteria and to ensure scoring consistency within and between marking sessions. Because
there are several diploma examination administrations and scoring sessions each school year, the
standards must remain consistent for each scoring session in the school year and, similarly, from
year to year.

Standards for student achievement start with both the demands of the English Language Arts
Program of Studies for senior high school English Language Arts and the interpretation of those
demands through learning resources and classroom instruction. These agreed-upon standards are
also exemplified in the kinds of tasks and the degree of independence expected of students. All
these complex applications of standards precede the design, development, and scoring of each
diploma examination.

The Standards Confirmation Committee is comprised of experienced teachers from representative

regions of the province. These teachers work with the Provincial Assessment Sector staff
responsible for the development, scoring, and results reporting for each diploma examination.
Teacher-members participate over a two-year period and are required to serve as group leaders or
markers during at least one of the subsequent marking sessions.

There are two essential parts to applying standards at the point of examination scoring: the
expectations embedded in the scoring criteria, and the examples of students’ work that illustrate
the scoring criteria within each scoring category. The scoring categories and scoring criteria
are available to teachers and students via the English Language Arts 30–1 Information Bulletin.
During each of the January and June marking sessions, example papers selected by members of
the Standards Confirmation Committee are used to train markers. Subsequent to each January
marking session, the example papers that received scores of Satisfactory (S), Proficient (Pf), and
Excellent (E) are posted on the Alberta Education website in the documents entitled Examples of
the Standards for Students’ Writing.

During the standards confirmation process, the

• appropriateness of the standards set by the examination in relation to students’ work is
confirmed
• student responses that clearly illustrate the standards in the scoring categories and the scoring
criteria are selected and are used when training markers
• rationales that explain and support the selection of sample papers in terms of the scoring
categories, scoring criteria, and students’ work are written

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
Examples of Students’ Writing with Teachers’ Commentaries
English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Satisfactory–1 (S)

This excerpt is unavailable for electronic posting.

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Satisfactory–2 (S)

This excerpt is unavailable for electronic posting.

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–1 (Pf)

(Page 1 of 5)
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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–1 (Pf)

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–1 (Pf)

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–1 (Pf)

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–1 (Pf)

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT–1
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Ideas and Impressions (Pf) On the Initial Planning page, the student introduces a
purposeful exploration of the topic with the thoughtful
• The student’s exploration of idea that “Miranda’s uncertainty about her own abilities
the topic is purposeful. and worthiness causes strain in her relationships, which
• Perceptions and/or ideas are in the end results in her losing confidence in her own
thoughtful and considered. beliefs and views on the world and her conforming to
the opinions of others” (1). The student develops this
• Support is specific and assertion by noting that the party guests “cause Miranda
strengthens the student’s to feel out of place and insignificant” (3), making her
ideas and impressions. “judge herself based on their expectations” (3). This
leads to the considered idea that Miranda feels “as if
she is failing him in some way” (5), is “insecure about
her own beliefs” (5), and has lost “sight of what is true
to her” (5), revealing a thoughtful understanding of the
tension between doubt and conviction.
The student’s perceptions of Miranda’s internal conflict
are considered, as in “Although she knows this statement
is true to her beliefs, Miranda still questions whether it is
valid or whether it is too much of a pretentious thing to
admit to others” (4) and “she feels that she can never be a
part of the famous lifestyle that the people who surround
her belong to” (5).

Pf
That “Miranda begins to think of her self through the
eyes of people like Tesch” (3) is strengthened by
specific support, as in “She begins describing her self
as ‘eccentric’ and just ‘the actor’s wife’. She focuses
on the fact that she has no friends and that others view
her as being awkward” (3–4). The student’s statement
that Miranda’s willingness to spend their anniversary
“focused more on Arthur’s accomplishments rather than
their accomplishments as a couple” (4) strengthens
the idea that Miranda’s inaction stems from the tension
between her doubts and convictions. This idea is further
strengthened by the fact that “This situation gives
Miranda an uneasy feeling” (4), yet she still “does not
say anything because, in the past, Arthur has told her to
try harder to fit into her new lifestyle” (4).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT–1
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Presentation (Pf) On the Planning page, the student’s proposed body

paragraph structure initiates a unifying effect that
• The voice created by the is developed capably through providing a basis for
student is distinct. Miranda’s decision to conform to the “expectations of
• Stylistic choices are specific her new environment” (2), and by explaining how “The
and the student’s creation of ideas and beliefs of others at the party greatly impact
tone is competent. Miranda’s worldview, and it causes her to judge herself
based on their expectations” (2). The response opens
• The unifying and/or aesthetic with a question that capably develops this trajectory:
effect is capably developed. “The ideas and beliefs that an individual has on the
world shapes how they view themselves and how they
judge themselves, but when they are put into unfamiliar
environments that force them to doubt their views, how is
their self-image and sureness in their beliefs impacted?”
(3).
The student complements this analytical form with a
distinct formal voice throughout the response, as in “she
must question not only the relationships she has, but also
her own self-worth in this new environment” (3) and
“This feeling negatively affects their relationship, and

Pf
causes her to feel insecure about her own beliefs” (5).
Specific stylistic choices are represented through diction
such as “immediately dismisses” (3), “valid” (4), and
“negative light” (5), and through syntax, such as “their
anniversary dinner is spent with other people and is
focused more on Arthur’s accomplishments rather than
their accomplishments as a couple” (4), contributing to
the creation of a competent tone. By concluding with
the understanding that “In order to gain a small sense of
belonging in her new environment, she conforms to the
ideas of others, even when it creates a sense of unease”
(5), the student creates a capable unifying and aesthetic
effect.

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–2 (Pf)

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–2 (Pf)

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Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–2 (Pf)

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Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–2 (Pf)

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Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient–2 (Pf)

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT–2
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Ideas and Impressions (Pf) On the Planning page, the student purposefully
establishes that Pia’s “dreams are to become someone
• The student’s exploration of her family can rely on” (2) but that the burden of “being
the topic is purposeful. number one has left her doubtful and isolated” (2),
• Perceptions and/or ideas are causing her to develop “a fear for the ring” (2). However,
thoughtful and considered. by fighting, “She tries to overcome her fear” (2) and wins
the “mental battle” (2) by preserving her sense of self.
• Support is specific and
strengthens the student’s The student purposefully highlights Pia’s humble
ideas and impressions. beginnings in “her family had little to their names”
(3) and specifically supports their hardship in “it was
vexing to get enough to eat” (3) and “her father could no
longer work” (3). The student thoughtfully casts Pia as
an answer to the family’s financial woes in “She started
off in underground street fights so that she could provide
money for her family” (3). When Pia meets Hasim,
he sees “her potential of becoming one of the greatest
fighters in India” (3). The notion of her athletic prowess
is strengthened in “her reputation grew” (4) and “her
career as a boxer had taken off and she had beaten
numerous opponents” (4). Despite her “winning streak”
(4), Pia is plagued by “the overwhelming pressures
of being number one” (4), particularly when she is
“scheduled to fight against one of the leading boxers in
India” (4). The student strengthens this idea through

Pf the specific support of Pia’s relentless preparation in

“She trained for days, never sleeping” (4) and in her
subsequent dream of being “trapped within the confines”
(4) of a boxing ring with “no escape” (4). The student
purposefully explores Pia’s subliminal entrapment in
“She finally sat down, defeated by her doubts” (4) until
she hears “Faint cheers from an invisible crowd” (4) and
sees “her family, Hasim, her father” (5). In recognizing
the support and significance of her loved ones, she finds
“the courage to stand up and leave” (5) her imagined
prison.
The student concludes with the considered perception
that despite losing the match, “She didn’t care however,
as she never lost herself” (5), demonstrating that in Pia’s
physical loss, she has ironically achieved a psychological
win because she conquers her self-doubt.

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT–2
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Presentation (Pf) The student creates a distinct voice in the recollection

of an athlete bound by the pressures of her rising success
• The voice created by the and subsequent insecurities. The voice is distinct in
student is distinct. “as she grew and grew to a towering height so did her
• Stylistic choices are specific competitive spirit” (3) and “This stress she felt inside of
and the student’s creation of her swelled like a balloon” (4).
tone is competent. The student creates a competent tone through the
• The unifying and/or aesthetic reflection of Pia’s journey. Initially, she is confident
effect is capably developed. and passionate. Stylistic choices are specific in “The
rigorous and testosterone filled atmosphere never fazed
her as she stomped every single one of her opponents
like they were ants on the burning Indian pavement” (3).
The tone shifts to unease while Pia experiences anxiety
over the fight as “She trained for days, never sleeping”
(4) and “Hasim worried about her deterioration” (4). The
tone finally moves to acceptance after her loss in “She
didn’t care however, as she never lost herself” (5).
The unifying effect is capably developed, beginning
in medias res, where Pia falls unconscious as she
loses the match, then tracing her origins as a fighter,
and concluding by returning to the initial match. The
response also employs a capable aesthetic effect in the

Pf
motifs of light and darkness to achieve pathetic fallacy.
To begin, Pia’s “vision began to darken” (3) as she is
knocked to the ground. The student continues to use light
imagery to describe the early stages of Pia’s development
as an athlete in “The moon was waxing” (3), serving
as an illumination of the setting as well as the dawn of
her passion. Later in her training, Hasim “found a light
within Pia” (3). Then she dreams of being imprisoned in
a boxing ring, “darkness surrounding her with no light
to be seen” (4). As she gains courage, the darkness is
mitigated because “she could see them subtly” (5). She
arrives for her fight, “the sun blazing” (5), because she
is free of worry. The response concludes by returning
the reader to the initial darkness of Pia’s knockout,
reinforcing a capably developed unifying and aesthetic
effect.

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Excellent–1 (E)

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Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Excellent–1 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–1 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–1 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–1 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–1 (E)

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT–1
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Ideas and Impressions (E) On the Initial Planning page, the student introduces
the discerning idea that her “personal doubts” (1) act
• The student’s exploration of as the “opponent” (1) that she is “trying to defeat” (1),
the topic is insightful. demonstrating confident perceptions on the paradoxical
• Perceptions and/or ideas are nature of her “own doubts and convictions” (1).
confident and discerning. The response begins with the insightful exploration of
• Support is precise and aptly the student’s understanding of “Womanhood” (3) and
reinforces the student’s ideas the doubt that she “will ever know what that means” (3).
and impressions. This doubt contrasts the student’s childhood conviction
that she was simply expected to “stand in solidarity with
the other five year old girls” (3). However, the student
insightfully recognizes that, even in her youth, tension
between expected gender conventions contradicted the
“different” (3) convictions of her parents, who taught
her that she “‘can do anything’” (3), which led her to
believe that “there were no limits to my capabilities” (3).
The student then insightfully perceives the source of her
own tension when her mother doubts the student’s ability
to “‘take care of your family’” (4) while also being “‘a
lawyer’” (4). This mounting doubt is precisely and
aptly reinforced through the “family” (4) expectations
that she had “forgotten about” (4): the “list of chores that
needed to be done” (4) and the “baskets of laundry that

E
towered over me” (4).
The student continues the insightful exploration through
the confident statement “My self-sabotage was the only
outcome I knew I could control, but I was simultaneously
reinforcing doubts I had about my own intelligence and
capabilities in the process” (5). Through recognizing
her own complicity in the tension between doubt and
conviction, the student confidently recognizes that “My
perspective of the world, I came to understand, was
different than that of my parents” (5). While admitting
that “Making a comeback is never as easy as it looks”
(5), the student concludes this insightful exploration by
acknowledging that “I conquered my battle with cultural
convictions the same way I conquered my academic
struggles: with knowledge, reading, and a little bit of
logic” (5).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT–1
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Presentation (E) The voice created by the student is convincing from

the opening paragraph. The reflective tone in “They say
• The voice created by the I’ve reached it, but I am not sure I will ever know what
student is convincing. means” (3) is continued adeptly through the statement
• Stylistic choices are precise “You don’t expect to wake up one day, and realize the
and the student’s creation of beliefs you were taught as a child have lost validity” (3).
tone is adept. The stylistic choices in the opening paragraph are also
precise, such as in the use of epistrophe in “You play
• The unifying and/or aesthetic pretend, with the girls” (3) and “You sit at tables, with
effect is skillfully developed. the girls” (3), as well as in the use of anaphora in “You
don’t expect” (3).
Throughout the entire response, the student skillfully
develops a unifying effect by utilizing the analogy
of “training” (3) and competition from the visual. At
the beginning, the student recognizes that her own
“intelligence and aptitude” (3) made her “my parent’s
champion” (3). The unifying effect of competition
skillfully continues through the “Hit after hit” (4) of “my

E
mother’s warning” (4), which forces the student to return
to an introspective tone: “But my mom’s information had
hit me hard; I wanted a family, but why couldn’t I have a
career too?” (5).
The extended metaphor is continued through the
student’s comparison of her lost conviction and her
“comeback” (5) and skillfully develops the unifying
effect through the final recognition that “As hard as it can
be, losing your matches can give you the time you need
to learn new techniques, and strengthen your character”
(5).

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Personal Response to Texts Assignment

Example Scored Excellent–2 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–2 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–2 (E)

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Example Scored Excellent–2 (E)

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT–2
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Ideas and Impressions (E) Using the visual as a prompting text, the student
insightfully explores the topic through the narrative of
• The student’s exploration of a young woman who is “exhausted both mentally and
the topic is insightful. physically” (2), grappling with a moment of weakness
• Perceptions and/or ideas are in which she must confront the insidious nature of doubt
confident and discerning. and the resulting tension when it begins to cloud her
ability to think rationally.
• Support is precise and aptly
reinforces the student’s ideas The student begins the response with discerning
and impressions. perceptions about the topic by describing the “tension
tugging at her muscles” (2). This tension soon becomes
a “surge of nervousness” (2) that the “nameless girl” (2)
tries to ignore, only to find that “Her emotions began
to attack her all at once” (3). The student confidently
navigates the protagonist’s anxiety as her thoughts
become increasingly erratic. She convinces herself that
she is “probably never going to win again” (3), that she is
going to have to “quit the team and give up” (3), and that
her coach will “yell at her for being so careless” (3). The
protagonist eventually concludes that she cannot “bring
herself to care anymore” (3). Not until the end of the
narrative, when the protagonist’s coach enters the ring
and places a “heavy hand on her shoulder like a weight
that could help ground her” (4), does the protagonist feel
her “worries lessening” (4). She regains “her composure”

E
(4) and comes to the subtle yet discerning epiphany
that she had let a “round of weakness break away at her
confidence” (4) and that “The only way to win would be
with hard work and dedication” (4).
In focusing the narrative on a single night of crisis, the
student employs precise support to aptly reinforce the
protagonist’s deteriorating mental state and her ability to
eventually gain clarity. Early on, the student establishes
a motif of breathing when the protagonist “exhaled
roughly” (2). As she begins to fray, her breaths become
“ragged” (2) and “harsher” (2), and eventually she is
left without “any room to breathe” (3). After regaining
her composure, “The girl took a deep breath in and
exhaled smoothly” (4), and the student confidently and
aptly displays that the tension has been alleviated, the
protagonist has conquered her doubts, and is able to
move forward with conviction.

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Personal Response to Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT–2
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Presentation (E) While the student’s response has obviously been

prompted by the image, the student creates a convincing
• The voice created by the voice by focusing less on the details of boxing and more
student is convincing. on the internal struggles of a character in crisis. The
• Stylistic choices are precise student uses precise stylistic choices such as rhetorical
and the student’s creation of questions in “who else could defend her title” (2),
tone is adept. “What if she were to fail?” (3), and “What had she been
thinking?” (4), as well as introspective statements such
• The unifying and/or aesthetic as “No, this wasn’t a possibility anymore, the girl was
effect is skillfully developed. going to fail” (3) and “At least when she was young the
world wasn’t so cold and unforgiving” (3) to reveal the
narrator’s anxieties.
While the student does provide precise details about the
protagonist’s “calloused fingers” (2), “chapped lips” (2),
and “Bruised knuckles” (2) earned through the extensive
and exhaustive training, it is the extended insight
developed by the protagonist’s internal monologue that
adeptly creates a tone of anxiety and doubt. This is
evidenced by statements such as “Maybe she just wasn’t
good enough anymore, maybe she had finally lost her
talent” (3) and “The girl felt lost and unsure of herself
again” (3).

E
By exploring the events of a single night as it becomes
day, the student is at once able to evoke the light and
dark imagery of the visual and skillfully develop a
unifying and aesthetic effect. The student begins the
narrative with the girl taking “a deep breath” (2) while
eying “the shredded boxing ring in front her” (2), and
recalling that she “had promised her coach earlier that
night as he was packing up that she would go home early
for once” (2). With the creation of this scene, the student
establishes a motif carried throughout the narrative,
symbolizes the protagonist’s fragile mental state, and
introduces a mentor who is aware of the situation. When
the coach returns to the gym the next morning “afraid
this would happen” (4), the student skillfully unifies the
narrative.

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English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020 Critical/Analytical Response to Literary
Texts Assignment

English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020

Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment

Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

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Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

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Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

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Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

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Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

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Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—SATISFACTORY
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Thought and Understanding (S) In the introduction, the student offers the relevant
premise that “The expectations of others is very
• Ideas are relevant and powerful for an individual especially when those
straightforward, demonstrating expectations come from family members” (4).
a generalized comprehension of This straightforward idea connects to “The Glass
the literary text(s) and the topic. Roses” in that “Stephen’s convictions are changed
• Literary interpretations are and strengthened with the help of Leka when he
general but plausible. understands that there is more to life than his father’s
expectations” (4).
In a discussion of Stephen’s situation, the student
demonstrates a generalized comprehension of the
text in “Stephen looked up to his father believing
that he was the ultimate definition of a man” (4)
and in “This is who Stephen wanted to be” (4). By
establishing Leka as a character foil to Stephen’s
father, the student offers the plausible idea that
Stephen feels “he should not be influenced by
someone who is very different from his father” (5).
The student then presents the relevant idea that
“the allure of the Polack’s stories leads Stephen to
question the life ahead of him” (5). This notion leads

S
to the plausible literary interpretation that Leka
helps to change Stephen’s “convictions about his
father’s expectations for him” (5) because “now he
understands he does not belong in that world” (5).
The student demonstrates a generalized
comprehension of the text and topic by connecting
Stephen’s new understanding to his waking of
Leka. The student recognizes that Stephen’s action
reveals that “his new convictions regarding his
father’s expectations have strengthened and changed
because of Leka” (6). The student straightforwardly
concludes the response with the claim that
“convictions can change and be strengthened”
(6) “after realizing there is more to life than the
expectations of a family member” (6).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—SATISFACTORY
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Supporting Evidence (S) In the first body paragraph, centred largely on Stephen’s
difference from the other pulp cutters, the student offers
• Support is general, adequate, general support appropriately chosen to reinforce
and appropriately chosen the idea about the contrast between Stephen’s “willowy
to reinforce the student’s body” (4) and the other workers “who were heavily
ideas in an acceptable way built” (4) with “ox like shoulders” (4). Stephen’s
but occasionally may lack incompatibility with the other men is adequately if
persuasiveness. implicitly reinforced in “The other men did not talk
• A reasonable connection to and only spoke when it was necessary. They mostly just
the student’s ideas is suitably slept, ate, and continued working” (4).
maintained. The student appropriately reinforces the idea of Leka
as an opposite to the rest of the workers in “He acts
very differently than the other men, he talks about far
off places and is very affectionate to Stephen” (4). The
student uses this difference to reinforce the father’s
expectation that “Stephen should act more like him” (4)
or else the father will resort to violence with Leka.
In a discussion of symbolism, the student offers general
but adequate support in the way Leka “talks about the
glass roses that shattered when the bombs dropped near
his mother’s home” (5) and “that the world is not built
for glass roses” (5). These details are appropriately

S chosen to reinforce the student’s idea that Stephen

sees the destroyed glass roses as emblematic of the
dissonance between his nature and his environment in
“he is a glass rose that does not fit in the world that he is
in” (5).
As Stephen tries to reconcile his father’s expectations
with his newfound self-awareness, the student cites
Leka’s nightmare and mentions that “it leaves Stephen
with a choice to make” (5). The student reasonably
connects Stephen’s choice to his understanding “that
there is more to life than cutting down trees he wakes up
Leka” (6).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—SATISFACTORY
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Form and Structure (S) The unifying effect is generally presented through the
student’s chronological discussion of the story’s events.
• A straightforward In the introduction, the student begins an appropriately
arrangement of ideas and developed discussion of the topic by focusing on how
details provides direction an individual’s family-influenced “convictions are
for the discussion that is changed” (4) due to the power of another individual.
developed appropriately. The ideas following this claim are straightforwardly
• The unifying effect or arranged as the student moves from how “Stephen
controlling idea is generally looked up to his father believing that he was the ultimate
presented and maintained; definition of a man” (4) to Leka’s stories, which cause
however, coherence may Stephen to realize that “he does not belong in that
falter. world” (5). This experience with Leka “strengthened
and changed” (6) Stephen’s “convictions regarding his
father’s expectations” (6).
The student provides details that appropriately
develop the discussion in terms of the ideas within each
body paragraph. In the first body paragraph, the student
focuses on the influence of Stephen’s father and the

S
contrast between Stephen and the other workers. In the
second body paragraph, the student explains the effect
of Leka’s stories on Stephen to broaden his perspective.
In the third body paragraph, the student examines the
ultimate influence of Leka on Stephen, who resists
his father’s commands and moves to help Leka. The
student’s controlling idea concerning the diminishing
influence of Stephen’s father is generally presented and
maintained throughout the response.

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—SATISFACTORY
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Matters of Choice (S) The student maintains an appropriate voice, as evident

in “Many grow up wanting to please their parents or
• Diction is adequate. family members by following the expectations placed
• Syntactic structures are upon them” (4) and “This possibly meant that his new
straightforward, but attempts convictions regarding his father’s expectations have
at complex structures may be strengthened and changed because of Leka” (6). The
awkward. student’s stylistic choices contribute to the creation of
a conventional composition, as in “His father was the
• Stylistic choices contribute to leader of the group of wood cutters, was well built, and
the creation of a conventional never talked unless it was necessary” (4).
composition with an
appropriate voice. The student’s diction is adequate, as in “steadfast” (4)
and “never ending cycle of monotonous labour” (4). The
student’s repetition of the topic words throughout the
response and later in the conclusion, as in “expectations
of family members” (6), is also evidence of adequate
diction.

S
Syntactic structures are straightforward, as in “Leka
tells Stephen that the world will not end should he
stop cutting down trees” (5), but attempts at complex
structures may be awkward, such as “With Stephen’s
father seeing this he eventually pulls aside Stephen and
tells Stephen that should Leka continue acting like that,
Stephen’s father would beat him” (4).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—SATISFACTORY
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Matters of Correctness (S) The student’s writing demonstrates control of the

basics of correct sentence construction, usage,
• This writing demonstrates grammar, and mechanics, as in “The story ‘Glass
control of the basics of Roses,’ by Alden Nowlan is about a boy whose
correct sentence construction, convictions are changed by another individual despite
usage, grammar, and the expectations of the boy’s father” (4) and “Stephen’s
mechanics. friendship with Leka changes his convictions regarding
• There may be occasional his father’s expectations” (5).
lapses in control and The response has minor errors involving subject/verb
minor errors; however, the agreement, as in “The expectations of others is very
communication remains clear. powerful” (4), the absence of commas, as in “When
Stephen is assigned with the Leka both are the weakest
members of the group” (4) and “woodcutting should
Stephen stop would not be the end of his existence” (5),

S
and in capitalization, as in “ww2. he talks” (5).
Occasional lapses in control, such as “the other
men who were heavily built as stated by the story
ox like shoulders” (4), also occur; however, the
communication remains clear.

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Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment

Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Thought and Understanding (Pf) The student presents the thoughtful and considered
idea that Robert “puts the strength of his convictions
• Ideas are thoughtful and to the test” (2) by choosing to go to war, “where
considered, demonstrating a he is expected by those around him to go against
competent comprehension of the everything he believes is right” (2). His experience in
literary text(s) and the topic. the war causes Robert to “question the validity of his
• Literary interpretations are beliefs and values” (2), but ultimately his conviction,
revealing and sensible. as represented by his “truly compassionate, selfless
nature” (2), is reinforced through “his renewed moral
values and beliefs” (2). The student’s argument that
Robert’s conviction is to maintain his “compassionate
beliefs” (5) and to avoid succumbing to the
expectation that soldiers “be dispassionate, because
that is what war is” (4) illustrates a competent
comprehension of the text and the topic.
Robert’s conviction to “protect those who can not
protect themselves” (2) is consistent with his initially
naive belief that “a soldiers job is to protect and fight
for innocent lives in the war” (3), an example of the
student’s sensible interpretation of the text and
topic. Robert’s conviction is tested by his experiences

Pf
as a soldier, which result in “the internal war of his
beliefs being threatened” (4). After examining how
Robert feels that “The hope that he had in humanity
has betrayed him” (5), the student closes the argument
with the revealing literary interpretation that by the
end of the novel, “Robert’s belief in humanity and life
has been renewed, and he acknowledges that the men
fighting in the war are innocent beings forced into
terrible circumstances” (6).
The student’s concluding statement that “when
an individual with strong beliefs is faced with
expectations that threaten these convictions, their
experience may strengthen their sense of self”
(6) captures the thoughtful and considered
understanding of the text relative to the topic.

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Supporting Evidence (Pf) The student’s support for establishing Robert’s

conviction to maintain his essentially compassionate
• Support is specific and well nature is well chosen. For example, the student identifies
chosen to reinforce the that “the moment he learned that Rowena was unable to
student’s ideas in a persuasive walk, he decided to become her guardian, and ‘It was for
way. her he learned to run’” (2). As well, the student observes
• A sound connection to the that Robert’s objection to killing Rowena’s rabbits is
student’s ideas is capably “reinforcing once again the way Robert cherishes all
maintained. life” (3). Similarly, the student employs the specific
detail of when Robert “descends down into the hold” (4)
of the S.S. Massanabie to reinforce in a persuasive way
the idea that this descent “is symbolic of man falling
from his natural place of innocence, and to a place of
dispassionate chaos” (4).
Support is specific. After emphasizing the devastating
impact of the assault at Desolé, the student notes that
“The person he once was, has seemed to disappear” (5),
leading to Robert’s decision to burn Rowena’s picture
as “‘an act of charity’” (5). The student also connects
the idea that Robert finally “chose to live in favor of
these innocent lives that did not get to choose” (6) to

Pf the specific detail of “‘the men who took your fire (and
returned it) wore blue scarves or had grey mittens like
your owns’” (6).
A sound connection between supporting details
and the student’s ideas about the topic is evident in
linking Robert’s killing of the German sniper with the
perception that, in doing so, Robert “did what people in
the war would have expected him to do, but the moment
would haunt Robert for the rest of his life” (4). This link
between support and ideas is also capably maintained
in the statement “Proof that Robert is now a fully
compassionate individual reborn from his experience is
when he tells Marian Turner ‘Not Yet’” (5).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Form and Structure (Pf) The controlling idea is coherently presented on

the Initial Planning page: “The strength of Robert’s
• A purposeful arrangement of convictions is challenged when he enlists in war. He
ideas and details contributes experiences the pressure of what the war expects of him
to a controlled discussion that (which is to go against his compassionate values), but in
is developed capably. the end, because his convictions are so strong, this test
• The unifying effect or strengthens them further, & Robert is renewed (reborn)”
controlling idea is coherently (1). This controlling idea is sustained throughout the
presented and sustained. response. The student’s exploration of how “Robert’s
compassionate, empathetic nature” (2) is incompatible
with the senseless expectations that arise from “the
insanity of war” (6) provides a purposeful arrangement
of ideas and details.
The student initially establishes Robert’s convictions
in “Robert values life to a great extent” (2) and then
moves the discussion to examine Robert’s reactions
to both “Rowena’s death” (3) and “his experiences in
war” (5), exploring how “expectations threatened his
mind and being” (5). The student develops a controlled
discussion of Robert, whose “commitment to life in

Pf the face of war where he could only see death, became

strengthened further from his experience” (5). This
controlled discussion is reinforced in the student’s
assertion that “there were aspects of human nature that
Robert had never faced, so his beliefs could never fully
develop, and now they had” (5), and culminates with
Robert being “one with all of the elements, stronger
than any one of them alone” (6). The student coherently
presents the controlling idea that “Robert’s belief in
humanity and life has been renewed” (6) and develops
capably a controlled discussion about Robert’s moral
and physical journey through the test of war.

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Matters of Choice (Pf) The student’s diction is specific, as in “naive and

unsure” (2), “a place of dispassionate chaos that causes
• Diction is specific. suffering” (4), and “ultimately solidify the strength of his
• Syntactic structures are convictions” (5).
generally effective. Syntactic structures are generally effective: “He
• Stylistic choices contribute to gives his body to those who are unable to use their own,
the creation of a considered and he acts as a voice for those who do not have one
composition with a capable themselves” (2) and “It becomes evident that not only
voice. will Robert have to face a physical war, he will have to
face the internal war of his beliefs being threatened” (4).
Stylistic choices throughout the response, such as “He
understands how important life and hope is, and how
many innocent lives have been lost in a war that they did
not have a say in” (6), contribute to the creation of a
considered composition. The use of sentence variety,
as in “To Robert, Rowena’s rabbits were an important
aspect of her life, they survive her, and although he

Pf
knows that she is no longer with them physically, he still
wants to keep her memory alive, reinforcing once again
the way Robert cherishes all life” (3) and “As the horse
is killed, Robert feels as though a chair falls over in his
mind, and the guilt from Rowena’s death comes flooding
back” (4), and parallel structure, as in “Robert’s second
experience with the German soldier had him struggling
not only for his life, he also struggled with the person
he has been forced to become because of the war” (4),
contribute to the creation of a capable voice.

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—PROFICIENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Matters of Correctness (Pf) The student demonstrates competent control of

correct sentence construction: “By escaping to war,
• This writing demonstrates the moral values and beliefs that Robert has will be
competent control of correct questioned by those around him, and he will suffer from
sentence construction, usage, external blows, as well as blows to his mind and the
grammar, and mechanics. strength of his convictions” (3) and “He descends down
• Minor errors in complex into the hold and is faced with a picture of war for what
language structures are it is: filled with chaos and pain” (4).
understandable considering Minor errors in complex language structures, as in “It
the circumstances. becomes clear that Robert does know what he believes
in, but there is a lot that he has to learn in order to fully
develop them” (3), “Robert’s ultimate decision to desert

Pf
his post, free the horses, and his burning, stems from
his experiences in war, and the blows that were thrown
at him both physically and mentally” (5), and “Robert
however, cherishes life to much to end his own” (6) are
understandable considering the circumstances.

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Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Thought and Understanding (E) On the Planning page, the student establishes
the carefully considered idea that “When an
• Ideas are insightful and individual strives to bolster their current lifestyle,
carefully considered, they will attempt to re-create themselves in order
demonstrating a comprehension to be succesful” (2). The student identifies the root
of subtle distinctions in the of Gatsby’s convictions in “Gatsby grew up as an
literary text(s) and the topic. exceedingly poor boy” (4), which leads to Gatsby
• Literary interpretations are “unintentionally becoming enamoured” (4) with
perceptive and illuminating. the American Dream. The student then insightfully
recognizes that, for Gatsby, convictions based on
“wealth and prosperity” (4) constitute a thinly veiled
attempt to meet the expectations of others, in particular
Daisy, “a girl used to a comfortable life” (4).
The student initiates this insightful idea through the
perceptive and illuminating literary interpretation
that Gatsby has become “an almost mythical figure”
(4), although he is only “a persona created by James
Gatz” (4). As well, the student recognizes the subtle
distinction that Gatsby associates Daisy with
“monetary value” (5), reinforcing his “underlying
fixation on the acquisition of power and prestige” (5).
The student presents the illuminating literary
interpretation that Gatsby, obsessed with Daisy,

E makes a crucial error: “His absolute faith in the future

has blocked his view of the autonomy of others, and the
morality of his actions” (6).
The students offers the carefully considered idea that
Gatsby, fully committed to the ideal version of himself,
turns “to illegal actions” (6) to achieve that ideal
version. The student then perceptively discusses how
Tom “shattered” (6) Gatsby’s “meticulously prepared
image” (6) and the consequences of Gatsby’s inability
to “realize the facts of the reality around him” (7).
As a result, the student arrives at the insightful and
carefully considered idea that “If the convictions, the
foundation, associated with an individual’s desires to
excel do not take into account the past, then they will
eventually succumb to a similarly substandard life” (8).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Supporting Evidence (E) The student uses precise support for Gatsby’s elaborate
efforts to sustain the “persona created by James Gatz”
• Support is precise and (4) by noting how “When Gatsby takes Nick for lunch
astutely chosen to reinforce one afternoon he makes it clear that his parents are ‘all
the student’s ideas in a dead’, but then later reveals that they are actually just
convincing way. ‘unsuccessful farmers’ who live elsewhere” (4). This
• A valid connection to the event reinforces in a convincing way the student’s idea
student’s ideas is efficiently that “By allowing the public believe his parents were
maintained. dead, rather than accept his poverty-stricken roots, this
choice speaks to the extreme level of disgust he has for
his heritage” (4).
In assessing the influence of Dan Cody on Gatsby’s
ambitions, the student employs the astutely chosen
support that “Gatsby learned to play the role of a
gentlemen” (5) and, more importantly, Cody “provided
him with the template for the fantasy character he desired
to be” (5). The student efficiently maintains a valid
connection between the influence of Gatsby’s origins
and Cody’s example and the idea that Gatsby’s ambition

E is as much an escape from the past as it is a pursuit of a

wealthy future with Daisy: “his newfound lust for Daisy
is the final nail in the coffin of his former life as ‘James
Gatz’, and the indefinite continuation of Jay Gatsby” (5).
The student’s precise development and synthesis of the
support uses details from the novel in a convincing
way to convey the moment when Gatsby’s quest falters:
“Very hesitantly, Daisy tries to tell Tom, and when
Gatsby steps in to assist her, Tom calls him ‘common’
and a ‘bootlegger’ which throws Gatsby into an
uncharacteristic rage” (6).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Form and Structure (E) On the Planning pages, the student presents an
arrangement of ideas that revolves around the
• A judicious arrangement of exploration of an individual’s convictions in the pursuit
ideas and details contributes of success, as defined by the expectations of others. The
to a fluent discussion that is student effectively presents a controlling idea focussed
developed skillfully. on a character’s “unquestionable dedication to the false
• The unifying effect or persona they have erected” (2), which will “gradually
controlling idea is effectively cause the individual to drown in the vast repercussions
presented and integrated. of their lies” (2). On closer inspection, the appearance
of a three-body-paragraph structure reveals multiple
layers within their construction, resulting in a judicious
arrangement of ideas, contributing to a fluent
discussion that is developed skillfully.
By establishing that Gatsby “decided to change his name
and become a new person” (4), the student effectively
integrates the controlling idea of the “persona” (4)
through the “new facade inspired by Dan Cody” (5)
to the “finality of Gatsby’s new character” (6). The
student also effectively extends that controlling idea by
exploring how “Gatsby would not believe he can die” (7)
in order to illustrate “the depths of the facade he himself
has created” (7).

E The student effectively presents and integrates a

unifying effect by initially introducing the motif of
drowning through metaphorical and literal water in
“Whether it is a life preserver in the literal case of
drowning, or the notions of success” (4). This unifying
element effectively parallels the ebb and flow of James
Gatz’s reliance on his persona as he is first buoyed by
“floating in the waters of a facade” (5) before he fully
“submerged himself” (6) in the role of Gatsby. As the
consequences of Gatsby’s conviction become apparent,
the student dramatizes the motif in recognizing that “the
dam has burst” (7) as Gatsby deals with “the vast waves
of adverse consequences” (8), which eventually forces
him to “swim deeper into the darkness” (8).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Matters of Choice (E) Diction is precise throughout the response, as in

“Gatsby achieves his aspirations, but unintentionally
• Diction is precise. leaves himself exposed to the detrimental repercussions
• Syntactic structures are of his decisions” (4); “By describing his parents as
effective and sometimes dead, Gatsby illustrates both the figurative nature of
polished. their death to him in that he is introducing the core
catalyst for his meteoric rise: the thirst for the wealth and
• Stylistic choices contribute position he was deprived of as a child” (4–5); “guide his
to the creation of a skillful revitalization” (5); “plagued by excess and exuberance”
composition with a (5); and “serendipitous connection” (6).
convincing voice.
The student’s intentional attempts at varied syntactical
structures are effective and sometimes polished, as
in “In his ignorance to the fact that someone would try
and kill ‘Jay Gatsby’, he allows himself to be shot and
killed by Myrtle’s husband” (7). Additionally, the student
effectively uses parenthetical and parallel structures,
as in “Inevitably, he found himself in a worse situation
than when he began: broke, publicly disgraced, and
murdered” (8).

E
The student demonstrates effective stylistic choices to
enhance communication by skillfully employing precise
diction. The student has constructed a metaphor relating
to water in an attempt to create a convincing voice,
as in “floating helplessly in the murky waters of the
repercussions” (7). The skillful composition continues
through the stylistic choice to integrate the water motif
throughout the response, and this convincing voice
concludes with the skillful summation of the image in
“they continually swim deeper into the darkness even
though they believe they are heading for the light” (8).

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 English Language Arts 30–1, January 2020
Critical/Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment
EXAMPLE PAPER—EXCELLENT
SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE

Matters of Correctness (E) The student demonstrates confident control of

correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and
• This writing demonstrates mechanics: “However, Daisy is used to a rich lifestyle
confident control of correct that Gatsby cannot provide, and as a result, his newfound
sentence construction, usage, lust for Daisy is the final nail in the coffin of his former
grammar, and mechanics. life as ‘James Gatz’, and the indefinite continuation of
• The relative insignificance Jay Gatsby” (5), as well as through the subordination
of error is impressive and coordination of “Gatsby has been dreaming, choked
considering the complexity by his romanticised vision of the future, ever since he
of the response and the submerged himself into the personality of ‘Jay Gatsby’”
circumstances. (6).
The relative insignificance of error is impressive
considering the complexity of the response and the
circumstances: “The photo is worn which implies

E
that Mr. Gatz had taken it out to show off his son’s
achievements many times, and as a result, further
illustrates how Gatsby’s conviction to a life ignorant
of his past deprived him of a relationship with the only
people whose expectations he would never need to meet:
his parents” (8).

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 Scoring Categories and Criteria

Scoring Categories and Ideas and Impressions (10% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School
2019–2020 English Language Arts 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 4.1
Personal Response to
Texts Assignment When marking Ideas and Impressions, the marker should consider
• the student’s exploration of the topic in relation to the prompting
text(s)
• the student’s ideas and reflection
Because students’ responses to • support in relation to the student’s ideas and impressions
the Personal Response to Texts
Assignment vary widely—from
philosophical discussions to Excellent The student’s exploration of the topic is insightful.
Perceptions and/or ideas are confident and
E
personal narratives to creative
approaches—assessment of discerning. Support is precise and aptly reinforces
the Personal Response to Texts the student’s ideas and impressions.
Assignment on the diploma
examination will be in the
context of Louise Rosenblatt’s Proficient The student’s exploration of the topic is
purposeful. Perceptions and/or ideas are
Pf
suggestion:
… the evaluation of the thoughtful and considered. Support is specific and
answers would be in terms of strengthens the student’s ideas and impressions.
the amount of evidence that the
youngster has actually read
something and thought about Satisfactory The student’s exploration of the topic is
generalized. Perceptions and/or ideas are
S
it, not a question of whether,
necessarily, he has thought straightforward and relevant. Support is adequate
about it the way an adult and clarifies the student’s ideas and impressions.
would, or given an adult’s
“correct” answer.
Limited The student’s exploration of the topic is vague.
Perceptions and/or ideas are superficial
L
Rosenblatt, Louise. “The
Reader’s Contribution in the and/or ambiguous. Support is imprecise and/or
Literary Experience: Interview ineffectively related to the student’s ideas and
with Louise Rosenblatt.” impressions.
By Lionel Wilson. English
Quarterly 14, no.1 (Spring,
1981): 3–12. Poor The student’s exploration of the topic is minimal.
Perceptions and/or ideas are undeveloped and/or
Markers will also consider
Grant P. Wiggins’ suggestion
P irrelevant. Support is lacking and/or unrelated to
the student’s ideas and impressions.
that we should assess students’
writing “with the tact of
Socrates: tact to respect the Insufficient Insufficient is a special category. It is not an
indicator of quality. Assign Insufficient when
INS
student’s ideas enough to enter
them fully—even more fully • the student has responded using a form other
than the thinker sometimes— than prose or
and thus the tact to accept apt • the student has written so little that it is not
but unanticipatable or unique
responses.”
possible to assess Ideas and Impressions or
• there is no evidence that the topic presented in
Wiggins, Grant P. Assessing the assignment has been addressed or
Student Performance: • there is no connection between the text(s)
Exploring the Purpose provided in the assignment and the student’s
and Limits of Testing. San response or
Francisco: Jossey-Bass
Publishers, 1993, p. 40. • there is no evidence of an attempt to fulfill the
task presented in the assignment

77
Scoring Categories and Presentation (10% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High
2019–2020 School English Language Arts 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2
Personal Response to
Texts Assignment When marking Presentation, the marker should consider the
(continued) effectiveness of
• voice in relation to the context created by the student in
the chosen prose form
• stylistic choices (including quality and correctness of
language and expression) and the student’s creation of
tone
• the student’s development of a unifying and/or aesthetic
effect
Consider the complexity of the response in terms of its
context and length.

Excellent The voice created by the student is

convincing. Stylistic choices are precise
E and the student’s creation of tone is adept.
The unifying and/or aesthetic effect is
skillfully developed.

Proficient The voice created by the student is distinct.

Stylistic choices are specific and the
Pf student’s creation of tone is competent. The
unifying and/or aesthetic effect is capably
developed.

Satisfactory The voice created by the student is

apparent. Stylistic choices are adequate
S and the student’s creation of tone is
conventional. The unifying and/or aesthetic
effect is appropriately developed.

Limited The voice created by the student is

undiscerning and/or unsuitable. Stylistic
L choices are imprecise and the student’s
creation of tone is inconsistent. The
unifying and/or aesthetic effect is
inadequately developed.

Poor The voice created by the student is

confused. Stylistic choices impede
P communication and the student’s creation
of tone is ineffective. A unifying and/or
aesthetic effect is haphazard or obscure.

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Scoring Categories and Thought and Understanding (7.5% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for
2019–2020 Senior High School English Language Arts 2.1, 2.2, 4.1, 4.2
Critical/Analytical
Response to Literary When marking Thought and Understanding, the marker should
Texts Assignment consider
Because students’ responses • how effectively the student’s ideas relate to the assignment
to the Critical/Analytical • the quality of the literary interpretations to show
Response to Literary Texts understanding of the text relative to the topic
Assignment vary widely—
from philosophical discussions Excellent Ideas are insightful and carefully considered,
to personal narratives to
demonstrating a comprehension of subtle
creative approaches—
assessment of the Critical/
Analytical Response to
E distinctions in the literary text(s) and the topic.
Literary interpretations are perceptive and
Literary Texts Assignment on illuminating.
the diploma examination will
be in the context of Louise
Rosenblatt’s suggestion:
Proficient Ideas are thoughtful and considered,
demonstrating a competent comprehension
… the evaluation of the
answers would be in terms of
the amount of evidence that the
Pf of the literary text(s) and the topic. Literary
interpretations are revealing and sensible.
youngster has actually read
something and thought about
it, not a question of whether,
Satisfactory Ideas are relevant and straightforward,
demonstrating a generalized comprehension
necessarily, he has thought
about it the way an adult
would, or given an adult’s
S of the literary text(s) and the topic. Literary
interpretations are general but plausible.
“correct” answer.

Rosenblatt, Louise. “The

Limited Ideas are superficial or oversimplified,
demonstrating a weak comprehension of
Reader’s Contribution in the
Literary Experience: Interview
with Louise Rosenblatt.”
L the literary text(s) and the topic. Literary
interpretations are incomplete and/or literal.
By Lionel Wilson. English
Quarterly 14, no.1 (Spring, Poor Ideas are largely absent or irrelevant, and/or do
1981): 3–12.

P
not develop the topic. Little comprehension of
Markers will also consider the literary text(s) is demonstrated.
Grant P. Wiggins’ suggestion
that we should assess students’
writing “with the tact of Insufficient
Insufficient is a special category. It is not an
Socrates: tact to respect the
student’s ideas enough to enter
them fully—even more fully
INS indicator of quality. Assign Insufficient when
• the student has written so little that it
than the thinker sometimes— is not possible to assess Thought and
and thus the tact to accept apt Understanding and/or Supporting Evidence
but unanticipatable or unique or
responses.” • no reference has been made to literature
Wiggins, Grant P. Assessing
studied or
Student Performance: • the only literary reference present is to the
Exploring the Purpose text(s) provided in the first assignment or
and Limits of Testing. San • there is no evidence of an attempt to fulfill
Francisco: Jossey-Bass the task presented in the assignment
Publishers, 1993, p. 40.

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Scoring Categories and Supporting Evidence (7.5% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for
2019–2020 Senior High School English Language Arts 2.3, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2
Critical/Analytical
Response to Literary When marking Supporting Evidence, the marker should
Texts Assignment consider
• the selection and quality of evidence
• how well the supporting evidence is employed,
developed, and synthesized to support the student’s ideas
Consider ideas presented in the Personal Reflection on
Choice of Literary Text(s).

Excellent Support is precise and astutely chosen to

reinforce the student’s ideas in a convincing
E way. A valid connection to the student’s
ideas is efficiently maintained.

Proficient Support is specific and well chosen to

reinforce the student’s ideas in a persuasive
Pf way. A sound connection to the student’s
ideas is capably maintained.

Satisfactory Support is general, adequate, and

appropriately chosen to reinforce the
S student’s ideas in an acceptable way but
occasionally may lack persuasiveness.
A reasonable connection to the student’s
ideas is suitably maintained.

Limited Support is inadequate, inaccurate, largely a

restatement of what was read,
L and/or inappropriately chosen in relation
to the student’s ideas and thus lacks
persuasiveness. A weak connection to the
student’s ideas is maintained.

Poor Support is irrelevant, overgeneralized,

P
lacks validity, and/or is absent. Little or no
connection to the student’s ideas is evident.

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Scoring Categories and Form and Structure (5% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for
2019–2020 Senior High School English Language Arts 2.2, 3.1, 4.1, 4.2
Critical/Analytical
Response to Literary When marking Form and Structure, the marker should
Texts Assignment consider
• the manner in which the student focuses, arranges, and
shapes the discussion in response to the assignment
• how well a unifying effect or a controlling idea is
developed and maintained

Excellent A judicious arrangement of ideas and

details contributes to a fluent discussion that
E is developed skillfully. The unifying effect
or controlling idea is effectively presented
and integrated.

Proficient A purposeful arrangement of ideas

and details contributes to a controlled
Pf discussion that is developed capably.
The unifying effect or controlling idea is
coherently presented and sustained.

Satisfactory A straightforward arrangement of ideas

and details provides direction for the
S discussion that is developed appropriately.
The unifying effect or controlling idea
is generally presented and maintained;
however, coherence may falter.

Limited A discernible but ineffectual arrangement

of ideas and details provides some direction
L for the discussion that is underdeveloped.
A unifying effect or controlling idea is
inconsistently maintained.

Poor A haphazard arrangement of ideas and

details provides little or no direction for the
P discussion, and development is lacking or
obscure. A unifying effect or controlling
idea is absent.

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Scoring Categories and Matters of Choice (5% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for
2019–2020 Senior High School English Language Arts 4.2
Critical/Analytical
Response to Literary When marking Matters of Choice, the marker should
Texts Assignment consider how effectively the student’s choices enhance
communication. The marker should consider
• diction
• choices of syntactic structures (such as parallelism,
balance, inversion)
• the extent to which stylistic choices contribute to the
creation of voice

Excellent Diction is precise. Syntactic structures are

effective and sometimes polished. Stylistic
E choices contribute to the creation of a
skillful composition with a convincing
voice.

Proficient Diction is specific. Syntactic structures

are generally effective. Stylistic choices
Pf contribute to the creation of a considered
composition with a capable voice.

Satisfactory Diction is adequate. Syntactic structures

are straightforward, but attempts at
S complex structures may be awkward.
Stylistic choices contribute to the creation
of a conventional composition with an
appropriate voice.

Limited Diction is imprecise and/or inappropriate.

Syntactic structures are frequently awkward
L and/or ambiguous. Inadequate language
choices contribute to the creation of a vague
composition with an undiscerning voice.

Poor Diction is overgeneralized and/or

inaccurate. Syntactic structures are
P uncontrolled and/or unintelligible. A lack of
language choices contributes to the creation
of a confused composition with an obscure
voice.

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Scoring Categories and Matters of Correctness (5% of total examination mark)
Scoring Criteria for Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for
2019–2020 Senior High School English Language Arts 4.2
Critical/Analytical
Response to Literary When marking Matters of Correctness, the marker should
Texts Assignment consider the correctness of
• sentence construction (completeness, consistency,
subordination, coordination, predication)
• usage (accurate use of words according to convention and
meaning)
• grammar (subject-verb/pronoun-antecedent agreement,
pronoun reference, consistency of tense)
• mechanics (punctuation, spelling, capitalization)
Consider the proportion of error in terms of the
complexity and length of the response.

Excellent This writing demonstrates confident control

of correct sentence construction, usage,
E grammar, and mechanics. The relative
insignificance of error is impressive
considering the complexity of the response
and the circumstances.

Proficient This writing demonstrates competent

control of correct sentence construction,
Pf usage, grammar, and mechanics. Minor
errors in complex language structures
are understandable considering the
circumstances.

Satisfactory This writing demonstrates control of the

basics of correct sentence construction,
S usage, grammar, and mechanics. There
may be occasional lapses in control and
minor errors; however, the communication
remains clear.

Limited This writing demonstrates faltering control

of correct sentence construction, usage,
L grammar, and mechanics. The range of
errors blurs the clarity of communication.

Poor This writing demonstrates lack of control

of correct sentence construction, usage,
P grammar, and mechanics. Jarring errors
impair communication.

83