The Amazing Cunt and Lil'Bitch take [Your City]!

by

Katy Koop

June 2019 koopkaty@gmail.com

Character Breakdown:

* A small note on casting: Feel free to cast a nonbinary

actor for any of the roles if they are comfortable! In
addition, I encourage you to cast as many POC as possible.

LIL'BITCH- The spunky side-kick. She is a hyperbole of manic

cuteness but it should be noted she is wholly sincere in
everything she says. there is no irony. She is not totally
static in her role- as the vigilante she is all sugar and
spunk but in reality if she was not a vigilante, she would
be a poet. But more than anything, she loves Cunt. She is
the one that pulled her out of depression and despair and
gave her power again; she feels safe with her.

CUNT- The head vigilante- the Batman, or rather Joker, of

sorts. She is tough and malicious, propelled each moment
with all consuming revenge. She is butch and harsh. Her
costuming should be minimal, maybe a wife beater and dark
pants with a bloody emblem. Beyond feelings of revenge, she
is incredibly protective of Lil'Bitch. She is perhaps the
only person she feels a connection to; someone she could
love.

JOHN- The man of the play; the male chorus member. He is

primarily the captured male rapist but takes on other roles
in the community. He should be very versatile and have great
comedic timing.

JANE- The female chorus member, primarily the female

captured rapist. She also takes on many roles in the
community and should be very versatile and have great
comedic timing.

Set:

The set should be spare and bleakly furnished, not looking

unlike a basement. It should contain area for projection, a
kitchen like seating area, a hook or rope hanging from the
ceiling, multiple folding chairs, and perhaps blocks for
levels. beyond that this is a play parodying superhero
tropes, despite the dark subject matter- even in set
decoration, a sense of humor should not be lost.

A Note:
 2

While I would not say this is a play about rape, it is

certainly the backdrop it is set it. It also contains arrest
and a fair share of blood. Despite all of these dark themes,
there is comedy infused through the play and ultimately it
is about two women choosing to empower themselves- even in
somewhat unethical ways. So have fun! Their names are
pejorative terms and the chorus members names are plays on
john/jane doe- it really doesn't get better than that.

ACT I

Scene 1- A New Face

LIL'BITCH sits alone, onstage,

in a chair, looking down. The
world is normal and stark. No
need for realism, but she is
in a room, sitting in a
community center support
group. Maybe something that
feels flourescent shines on
her.

JANE
(Recorded, a Sound Q)
It looks like we have a new face with us
today. Would you like to say anything about
yourself?

LIL'BITCH looks up. Everything

changes as she is pulled back
into the past. She becomes
LIL'BITCH again and runs
offstage (This can be in black
or not).

Scene 2- The Opening Credits

The chorus, JANE and JOHN rush

onstage to the sound of a
triumphant superhero melody. A
projection appears: "The
Amazing Cunt and Lil'Bitch
take [your city]!"

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3

JOHN
Did you hear the news last night?

JANE
Did you see what they did?

JOHN
Did you hear about the blood?

JANE

They deserved it though

JOHN
It was Justice

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

The Amazing Cunt!

JANE
I never used to feel safe

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

And Lil'Bitch!

JOHN
That's good- for you.

JANE
What?

There is a dark change in the

melody.

Lights change. JOHN and JANE

turn around and put on
sunglasses.

JOHN
In a city not far away with a name bearing
striking resemblance to your own... people
feared to walk the streets

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4

JANE
There were predators everywhere. Police
stations were so backed up with reports of
assault and rape that some cases were simply
not touched for years, decades even.

JOHN
That was until-

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

The Amazing cunt and Lil'Bitch are here to
fix the sitch!

JANE
There started to be reports of two vigilantes
purging the streets. The sidekick-

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

Lil' Bitch is cute and sweet- you hear her
laugh, you gonna get beat!

JOHN
And the leader-

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

Cunt is out on the attack, you assholes
better watch your back!

JANE
and they say even the most hardened criminals
beg for mercy at their hands

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

There will be blood, to run in the streets

JOHN
There is a huge bounty on their heads.
They've killed some of the highest profile
rapists in the country and they're moving

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5

JOHN (cont'd)
onto politicians.

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

There will be screams until revenge is
complete

JANE
the streets at night are almost always empty
now

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

The Amazing Cunt and Lil'Bitch,
they are here to fix the sitch
Watch your back, here they come!
Go on Dick, YOU BETTER RUN!

Offstage there is the sound of

LIL'BITCH's laughter. JOHN and
JANE look at each other.

JOHN AND JANE

oh shit.

Blackout. JOHN and JANE exit.

AUDIO RECORDING (SUNG)

Oh poor you, they'll have some fun!

End of scene. Transition into

CUNT and LIL'BITCH's
headquarters.

Scene 3- Story Time

CUNT and LIL'BITCH drag the

hostages played by JOHN and
JANE on stage, strapping them
into folding chairs. CUNT
moves over to the sink to
begin washing her hands, but

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6

LIL'BITCH stops her.

LIL'BITCH
No- you always go first. Can I please play
with them first?

CUNT considers for a moment,

then boops LIL'BITCH on the
nose

CUNT
Sure... be gentle okay hun?

CUNT winks at her and strides

out leaving LIL'BITCH with the
hostages.

She is filled with glee.

Lil'bitch pulls a block in

front of the prisoners and
steps on top of it with the
bravado of glinda the good
witch

LIL'BITCH
Gather around boys and girls, it's time for a
story:
Once upon a time in a land not far away at
all there was a young girl... and she just-
she loved beauty.
The world was beautiful and so was she.There
was so much color in everything and it wasn't
paint or makeup- it was just there.
Color bloomed in every tremor, in every
whispering wave of her vision.
Especially at night.
It was then that she could feel the stars as
cool perspiration on her bare skin. The
florescent lights and cars streaming ribbons
into the night.
The soft brushes of heat passing each person
on crowded sidewalks.
Feeling the hard rough cement through the
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7

LIL'BITCH (cont'd)
soles of her shoes.
The moon, luminous and bright, sinking into
her skin and back out again.
At night-
At night there was no such thing as pain.
Everything was light and bright and
beautiful.

She forgets where she is and

for this moment it is not
about torture but that
intangible memory of the
night.
It was warm. Warm. That is what it was most
of all. She would go in from the night into
those dark pulsing nightclubs. She would go
into the mass of them, of people like her,
and be one with them all.
Hands. Lights. Warm Breath. Sweat. Lights...
and bass- it all pulsed together; they all
did, like a beating heart.
In the night- every heart beat as one.
Everybody moved together.
Every hand and chest and breath pulsed
together in rich harmony.
There was such harmony.
The heat and the light and the sweat piled
upon each other into those perfect chords
that fill up your spine. The shuddering beats
and lingering echoes of notes passing through
the air melted into your skin and coursed
through your blood stream.
You could feel it in your fingers and your
toes and in the halos of light hanging on
your eyelashes.
There was no mystery. There was no pain or
doubt or shame.
It was so simple.
In the night the world made sense.
In the night it was beautiful.
Until-

She breaks, lingering on the

word.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8

She remembers and she gains

grasp of herself again.

She sees the hostages again.

Her psyche fractures-
literally.

A Projection appears on
screen: "Jane Doe #098727".
The recording and LIL'BITCH
will speak simultaneously as
fits your and the actors
taste- the rhythm of the
poetry of LIL'BITCH and the
stark confession of the
recording can be adjusted.

Note to productions: depending

on on your designer you can
either leave this slide up and
just use audio or record and
project video of the actress.

The Recording Character is

obviously LIL'BITCH but in the
video I would emphasize either
never showing the actresses
full face in the video or
having her wildly different
from how she looks now.

LIL'BITCH
until she found ugliness in the night

098727 RECORDING
I don't understand. I've already told you. Oh
okay. I- It was a Tuesday night. Around 1 am.
I'd been dancing at a club called- "Skank" I
think. I mean I know

LIL'BITCH
When all the colors stopped being beautiful

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9

098727 RECORDING
I was really hot and I just wanted some fresh
air so I walked out of the club

LIL'BITCH
When she watch purple and red flowers bloom
under her skin. And the whole world set to
burning. And she felt sick. When she didn't
want to be touched

098727 RECORDING
and-and

LIL'BITCH
No. Not anymore

098727 RECORDING
I don't know how it happened

LIL'BITCH
Hot breath

098727 RECORDING
All of sudden I was pressed

LIL'BITCH
Rough hands burning

098727 RECORDING
pressed again brick and I was being held down

LIL'BITCH
Tearing. Ripping. Screaming.
Nothing was beautiful, not anymore.

098727 RECORDING
I felt his hot breath on my neck. and he
whispered. " I know you want this you little
bitch" and-

LIL'BITCH
For her, the world became ugly- most of all

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10

LIL'BITCH (cont'd)
at night.

098727 RECORDING
and he ruined my dress and

LIL'BITCH
there are monsters that crawl around at night
you know

098727 RECORDING
Well- and he-
I know I have to say it-

LIL'BITCH
Though they might have sparkling eyes and
names like Ricardo or James or Patrick or
Ferdinand or Peter- they only maim and tear
and hurt.

098727 RECORDING
He raped me and left me in that dark alley.
and I was wearing that short skirt.

The projection flickers off.

LIL'BITCH smiles.

LIL'BITCH
For a long time she was afraid. She was very
afraid. and sad.
But then she decided- fuck that.
It's okay. You can laugh. Curse words are
fun. Laugh!
Don't you want to release some
dopamine?
Come on- Ha Ha Ha.
HA HA HA HA HA HA-HA

she laughs at them, maybe even

drawing in lipstick on their
faces until they try to laugh.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11

Yeah, that's right. You see, don't you feel

better?
Well, with a very good friend she decided she
was going to maim and tear and hurt and she
lived happily ever after- but Ricardo
didn't... and neither will you.

Now. Who wants to play a game?

Lights flash on and off. Red

and Blue. Pink and Purple.
Blazing White and total
darkness- All the while
violent pop music plays.

There should be a series of

Vignettes- LIL'BITCH tugging
and pulling them around the
room, playing patty cake and
jumping rope, putting wigs on
them, doing their makeup,
beating them with adorable
toys, etc.

CUNT enters-sees the revelry.

Music stops.

CUNT
I think that's enough. Here . You can take
the girl and play with her some more. I want
to play with him.

LIL'BITCH
Oh... okay!

LIL'BITCH grabs JANE by the

hair and drags her offstage.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12

Scene 4- I used to be a
secretary

CUNT pulls JOHN out of his

chair, lifts up his arms, and
strings him onto a hook
dangling from the wall (or
find some other solution, you
can also leave him in chair
for masking).

CUNT
So... what do you do do? Well, besides what
we already know.

JOHN
I-I used to be a banker

CUNT
Doing what?

JOHN
Helping people start retirement plans

CUNT
So, you helped them?

JOHN
...Yeah

CUNT
Who would've thought? A Banker. Believe it or
not, I used to be a secretary.

CUNT walks around to a filing

cabinet and jerks it open,
placing several weapons and
tools over the top of it. She
takes a small knife. It
glistens in the light.

She cuts off his shirt.

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13

(cont'd)
I know it sounds so typical. But that's why I
think I liked about it. Do you watch Mad Men?
You look like you do.

She sticks a knife in his

shoulder. He screams.
Shhhh.
I'm trying to tell a story. You sat so nice
and quiet for the fairy tale.
Every day I would write short hand, answer
emails, open letters. There was this long
silver letter opener. Kinda like this one.

She places the knife down and

holds out a silver letter
opener. If possible, she runs
a flame over it.
Every day I would see him. This guy Mark.
What a terribly normal name... Mark.
Well-
Mark, the mail room boy,
would pass out the mail
and we'd banter and talk.
Like you do.
We'd stand by the water cooler as it were and
talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and
talk.
Work friends, you know?
Two low level people,you know,
How would you say it?
We had "a connection".
Well, he thought we had a connection.

CUNT takes the hot letter

opener to his back pressing
down hard. There is a sizzle.
JOHN doesn't scream.
So there was the company party and we were
hanging out in the mail room and it looked so
strange at night.
No mail coming down,
the piles of paper and envelopes still there.
All the tubes.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14

It was so green and strange.

Like a sci-fi movie. It was exciting.
We were laughing.
We were having fun.
Next thing you know,
Mark had is hand up my skirt.
And I said:
"What the fuck are you doing?"
and he has the nerve to say
"come on babe"
and I say-

she pulls the blade down his

back and he screams. She
laughs. Blood splatters her as
she pulls out the knife

and I say "get your hands off me". And he

says I was leading him on.
He says "you know what this is". He says "
you knew exactly what you were doing". And
you know the rest. After a few sticky minutes
and a couple bruises and he has the nerve to
smile at me.
Let me see you smile.

She looks at him and waits.

JOHN struggles a grimace. CUNT
puts on a single glove, runs
her hand hard against his back
and paints his face with
blood.

and I saw a letter opener on the desk, you

know, and everything kinda went blank:
Out of body experience, you know.
I could hear him screaming:
"You Fucking Cunt",
"What the fuck are you doing"
-that and the blood.

She smears the blood on her

face and neck.
The blood and the cracks and the groans.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15

(cont'd)
But he gave in eventually.
He knew what this was.

(a beat)
Do you know what this is?
Come on- answer me:
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

JOHN
Y-you're punishing us. You want us to be
sorry. I'm sorry. Just please let me go. I
promise... I won't ever-

CUNT
"I'm sorry"
"just please let me go"
"please"

She sneers, grabbing hold of

his neck

If there's anything I hate more than dipshits

like you, it's damn liars. Don't lie to me. I
know you're not sorry

JOHN
No- I pro-

CUNT
You're not sorry.
If you were sorry, you wouldn't have
continued to do it.
You'll never be fucking sorry- I certainly
won't be.
Now let's sew you up-
I'm just getting started: we're going to have
a lot of fun.

Lights down. A projection

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16

flickers on with a news intro

with both chorus heavily
featured as cohosts. CUNT
exits as this intro plays.

Scene 5- Breaking News

JANE enters and helps JOHN

become an anchor in partial
light. Maybe he wipes blood
off of his Face and changes
costume.

JANE takes her place and

counts down as JOHN prepares
to start the news.

CUNT and LIL'BITCH re-enter

with cups of coffee and sit at
a table watching it.
Projection changes to the
text: "Breaking News" in large
cartoon letters.

JOHN
Good Morning viewers, there has been a major
development in what has been coined the
"Rapist Wranglers" case. Four new bodies have
been found fitting the vigilantes' usual
pattern. We now cut to Vivian live at the
scene.

JANE
Hey Tom, here I am at the alleyway where the
recent batch were found. I have with me here
the man who first found the bodies. George,
can you tell me more about what you saw?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17

JOHN removes his anchor gear

and crosses over. He should be
much lower class. He's a
business owner of a local
deli. If desired, he can have
an accent that matches the
area the play is performed.

JOHN
I was just taking out the trash this morning
and so I just open up the dumpster and I
ain't even see nothin' at first. I close the
dumpster and there it is in big orange
letters and the bodies- it's like a damn
exhibit.
I don't even know how they're staying up. But
I see them and their twisted arms and god
their fucking faces on the fucking brick and
all it says- god did it fucking stink-
is "FIRE" in those orange letters and cut
into their bodies- like they do it- with guts
spilling out and all that shit in the letters
it says "Can you hear me now?"
and I threw up right there.
Can't you smell it?
A smell like that just don't leave.
I ruined the shirt my wife bought me for our
anniversary. She was pissed about it when I
came home I can-

JANE
and there you have it viewers. I can say that
we can hear you loud and clear

JOHN walks back center stage

and puts anchor attire back
on.

He attempts to have a Walter

Cronkite moment. If it is
possible for him to have

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18

glasses, this is a great

moment for him to take it off
and wipe a nonexistent tear
from his eyes. His emotionhere
should feel false and
insulting.

JOHN
It's scenes like that, that make you wonder-
doesn't it Vivian? What is the world coming
to? Is this us?

JANE
It really does, Tom. This is certainly not my
[Insert your city].

JOHN

* Insert relevant cities and

area codes in the blank
spaces.

The city of ________ is offering a $10,000

bounty for anyone that finds the vigilantes
dead or alive. If you have witnessed anything
or have any information call (___)876-3421.
Police officials are working every day to
track these vigilantes down. This has been a
breaking news update. Stay safe ____.

LIL'BITCH
It's still so weird

CUNT
What is?

Projection flickers off. Both

Chorus exit. Lights on CUNT
and LIL'BTICH drinking coffee.

Scene 6- A Discussion

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19

LIL'BITCH
Seeing us, will it, or- seeing the crimes on
the news

CUNT
I wish they'd shown it

LIL'BITCH
Really? I don't know if I could see it again.
I almost threw up when we did it.
I think we waited to long. I can only imagine
what he-
CUNT
You have to remember it's about the message.
I know you don't always like to get your
hands dirty

LIL'BITCH
I think i get my hands just as dirty as you

CUNT
Oh really?

LIL'BITCH
Really.

CUNT
Come on- when's the last time you drew blood?
When's the last bone you broke?

LIL'BITCH
Just because I don't enjoy it as much as you-

CUNT
You think I enjoy having to be the strong
one? Do you think I like the smell?
I just do what I fucking have to.

LIL'BITCH
You said at the beginning that we didn't have
to. You said at the beginning that all we had

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20

LIL'BITCH (cont'd)
to do was make them afraid. and that's what I
do. I make them afraid and I make them beg. I
do it every day- maybe not like you but I
show them the clips, I show them the movies
like I'm supposed to, I tell them the
stories, I play with them, I'm sweet and cute
and a fucking psycho and I-but-Karen-

CUNT
You know that's not my name anymore

LIL'BITCH
No, I don't want to be in character anymore
and I don't want to fight about what I do or
what you do- I just want to talk- you know
they're talking about us, this is serious.
This is actually fucking serious.

CUNT
You knew this was going to happen

LIL'BITCH
No, but-

CUNT
But what?

LIL'BITCH
What if I'm crazy? What if we're crazy? I
mean, you saw- they don't think we're good
people.

CUNT
Lizzie-

LIL'BITCH
Like you'd think there'd be someone out there
saying "Hey, that's kind of unethical, but I
appreciate what they're doing",
or someone saying "I'm angry too"- but
they're not, it's just,
you know, you and me.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21

CUNT
Come on, you didn't think we were in this to
make friends

LIL'BITCH
No- but you'd think there'd be someone out
there

CUNT
There are, they just don't understand. They
don't see like we do: They're still afraid

LIL'BITCH
That's the problem. I'm not afraid at all. I
don't feel the way I used to at all

CUNT
Do you want to?

LIL'BITCH
No, it's just-sometimes when I see them
begging and screaming-sometimes it makes me
so happy.
It's really the only time I'm happy C.
And that's what made me feel like I was gonna
throw up- I loved it.
I loved it so much.
The smell was so bad but I loved feeling how
fucking cold they were.
I loved the blood.
I loved even seeing that man on T.V.
I loved seeing the fucking pain on his face
that- that we fucking changed him.
And I think that's crazy- it has to be crazy.
That's not what it's supposed to be about-is
it?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22

CUNT
That's not crazy LB. That's justice. That's
what you're feeling. and if the world can't
see that- well fuck'em. That just means our
messages have to be a little clearer. You can
do that right? That fire line was a fucking
stroke of genius.

LIL'BITCH
I guess, I mean thanks

CUNT
Come on- you still okay with just you and me?

LIL'BITCH
of course

CUNT stands up and holds her

hand out. There is pause here.
A moment of vacuous space
between doubt and joy.

LIL'BITCH grabs CUNT's hand

and CUNT spins her. LIL'BITCH
giggle

CUNT
Come on, let's go play with our food a little

CUNT and LIL'BITCH exit hand

in hand. Time passes. They re-
enter, dragging JOHN and JANE
in, tying them together.

NOTE: Their mouths are bound

with duct tape. What they are
trying to say is in brackets.
If a production feels it
needed, the dialogue can be
projected.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23

Scene 7- Prelude to "Hostage

Ballet"

CUNT and LIL'BITCH each put

duct tape on JOHN and JANE's
mouths. The mess with them a
little. Maybe Lil'Bitch kisses
the front of the duct tape.

CUNT and LIL'BITCH leave. The

lights flicker down, but the
hostages are still visible.
JOHN and JANE look around.

A moment. Then:

JANE
[We have to get out of here]

JOHN
[I know.]

a sound. they freeze.

JANE
[Oh god, is that them?]

JOHN
[I'm so tired]

JANE
[Oh god, come on, you can't fucking leave]

JOHN
[Well, I don't know what we're fucking
supposed to do]

JANE
[Fuck! Fuck!]

JOHN
[Shut up they're gonna hear you!]

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24

JANE
[They're gonna fucking kill us anyway!]

JOHN
[Maybe they don't kill everyone]

JANE
[Of course they fucking kill everyone.
They've killed almost everyone with a record]

JOHN
[...What?]

JANE
[We have to get up. Come on!]

JANE struggles to get to her

feet but is pulled down.

JOHN
[I can't]

JANE
[Come on, you can't just get give up. Come
on! Let's-let's!]

JOHN
[Calm down.]

JANE
[CALM DOWN!?]

JOHN
[You're just wasting energy]

JANE
[THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!]

JOHN
[Just...shut...up]

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25

JANE
[You're just gonna let it fucking happen]

JOHN
[shhhhhhh]

JANE
[You're just gonna lay down and-]

CUNT
(offstage)
I didn't know it was social hour

LIL'BITCH
(offstage)
Don't tell me they're having fun without us?

JOHN AND JANE

[oh god]

JANE starts to hyperventilate

and turns to look at JOHN.
JOHN looks back. A moment.
Can't move.

LIL'BITCH and CUNT enter

holding jumpropes. Blackout.
In the darkness LIL'BITCH
laughs.

Scene 8- Remember When?

JOHN and JANE exit and

LIL'BITCH and CUNT sit bucket
the table. They have papers
and pens and paper.They are
planning.

CUNT
You have any ideas what this one should be?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26

LIL'BITCH
I don't know

CUNT
So, the girl did kids, the guy did
prostitutes.

LIL'BITCH
Well, I don't want a little kid to find them

CUNT
Yeah.

LIL'BITCH
I don't even know how to make it bigger than
we have

LIL'BITCH doodles on paper. A

beat.

Hey, you remember when we met?

CUNT
Yeah- group sessions: "you need to find
forgiveness"
"There's only so far anger can take you"

they laugh. a shared moment.

Maybe we could arrange them in a community

center?

LIL'BITCH
Nah...maybe we could just sink them in the
bottom of the ocean and they can "sleep with
da fishes". you know- like gangster's?

CUNT
I think...I think we're tired. I am anyway.
I'm gonna head up.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27

CUNT kisses LIL'BITCH on the

cheek and plays a little with
her hair.

CUNT
Don't stay up too long okay-we need our grand
finale tomorrow- I need you on your game.

CUNT exits. A projection

flickers on: "Do you remember
when?"

LIL'BITCH doodles on the paper

a little but pushes it away.
She looks where CUNT exited.

LIL'BITCH
It's a cliche but- sometimes you meet someone
at that exact right time of your life.

She addresses the audience

You don't realize it at first- you don't feel

that spark at those initial hello-my-name-
is's, that face value shit you use to hide
who you really are.
It comes later.
All of a sudden you're sitting alone in your
room and god you wish they were there.
You feel an absence of something you never
knew you were missing.
And you think: if they were just here with me
right now, everything would be better-just
because.

CUNT re-enters, the CUNT of

the past. She's different-
maybe the addition of a jacket
to make her more
pedestrian,less hardcore

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28

vigilante. She is holding a

styrofoam cup with coffee in

it.

She passes it to LIL'BITCH,

standing close by her.

You remember the way she smirked and handed

you that terrible cup of coffee last week and
how much better it was to have her around at
that stupid community center- how much better
to have someone around that understood.
Someone that knew how it felt under my skin.

CUNT makes a face at

LIL'BITCH.
The weeks pass and the shared jokes and
glances accumulate and they become that place
you go when darkness laps up from the
recesses of your mind. and you find yourself
being asked why you're smiling because you
remembered that time she made that face. and
there was that first time she watched you
make your cup of coffee, laughed and said:

CUNT
God, that's a lot of sugar.

LIL'BITCH
Yeah. I like it sweet.

CUNT
That's really cute. I've just always liked it
black.

LIL'BITCH

(nervous. blurts out)

You're so brave- I wish I could be like you

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29

CUNT
'Cause I drink my coffee black?

LIL'BITCH
No-um-not that-I just.. in the session. the
way you talk about it. Everything about you.
I can't even fathom it- I was so afraid and
you're so-

CUNT
I'm no braver than you

LIL'BITCH
Come on, look at me

CUNT
Well, you're here aren't you?

LIL'BITCH
You and me are different, you know it.

CUNT
I'm not anything. and you know what: you
don't have to be afraid. It sounds really
stupid- I know- but I woke up one day and
said: I'm not gonna be afraid. I shouldn't
have to. I should get- I should get to be
angry.

LIL'BITCH
That's not stupid at all. I don't even know
if I could be anything but-

CUNT
I bet you could be. In fact, I bet you are.
Angry is the easiest thing to be. I swear. It
is. Come on. What are you angry about?

LIL'BITCH
I don't know-I-

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 30

CUNT
Come on

LIL'BITCH
...I really hate doctors

CUNT
yes

LIL'BITCH
And uber drivers that won't pick you up

CUNT
They suck

LIL'BITCH
And police men that don't under stand and
therapists who don't-that-they just don't get
it and I'm angry at me

CUNT
No, Liz-

LIL'BITCH
No, I'm angry at me.
I'm angry because I didn't even fight back. I
didn't even know what to do.
I'm angry that I'm so afraid and I can't
breathe and that I'm not happy and the world
is sad.
I'm angry that the world is so fucking sad
and I'm angry that I let it fill me up like a
fucking balloon.
And I'm angry that I don't just fucking
pop...
you know?

CUNT and LIL'BITCH look at

each other. A moment.

LIL'BITCH breaks from that

moment and addresses the
audience again.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 31

LIL'BITCH
And she looked at me and understood. she just
did. and she was there. One day taking my
hand and saying:

CUNT
I have something to show you.

LIL'BITCH
And taking me to self defense classes and
having late night beers. She let me be angry
and was the one person that said:

CUNT
You know, you're allowed to feel

LIL'BITCH
And that:

CUNT
You know, you're allowed to scream.

LIL'BITCH
She wanted me to scream.
She wanted all of us to scream with her and
make them all pay. to make everyone see, and
really see what it is.
I screamed with you because you understood.
I had to think you did.
And you know she can't fix you and you know
you can't fix her- but maybe you could be
better together.
You could be there with needs and red string
when she has to stitch herself back together
and she could be there with a dust pan and
broom to help you gather all your broken
pieces.
And seeing her sitting across the room
becomes the one bright light in the darkness-
finding her beside you with a warm cup of
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 32

LIL'BITCH (cont'd)
coffee becomes the only thing that keeps you
from drifting away.
You begin to ask yourself if you have
feelings for her. You begin to wonder where
the lines of your relationship are drawn. You
begin to wonder if anything needs to be said.
You say to yourself:
it is good. it has to be.
you know that whatever kind of of it is:
romantic, platonic, whatever- you need it to
keep going. Do you want to kiss her or yell
"I love Karen" from the mountaintops.
I don't know. I just knew I wanted to look
and see her beside me.
Because the alternative-
I didn't want to think about that.
All I wanted was to be happy.
She was the answer.
And that's the fucking problem.
I didn't wake up one day unhappy.
Never.
I'm fucking euphoric. I've never been happier
and I'm scared shitless.
I'm so happy, I'm not even me anymore.
I don't even know if it's about the anger
anymore.
I don't know if I'm screaming because I don't
know how to do anything else. I just don't
fucking know.
Look at me. I'm an idea.
I don't know if I could tell you what I look
like. I don't remember.
I put a mask on top of a mask and told myself
that's what I needed to be happy.

CUNT exits, smiling at her as

she leaves.

I told myself that I didn't have to be that,

that I don't have to be sad.
I don't have to be crazy. I don't have to
forgive or forget- I didn't have to do it
that way.
We didn't have to do it that way.
Me and C- we could do it our way.

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 33

(cont'd)
It was like a dream. and like when you wake
up from a nightmare, and you still have the
fear hammering away in your chest... when I
woke up with blood soaked hands, I had a
smile on my face.
I think I was laughing. and putting the
pieces back together I knew it couldn't be
real.
It couldn't be right. No one gets away with
being happy. Not even Cunt and Lil'Bitch.
There's a cost.

LIL'BITCH realizes herself

again and she looks at her
empty coffee cup. She picks it
up. She looks back at the
audience. She exits.

JANE and JOHN enter, they are

bound together and have duct
tape over their mouths. They
sit, bound center stage.

Intermezzi: "Hostage Ballet"

JANE and JOHN still mumble

through their duct tape and
try to use each other's bodies
to get up and escape.
Beautiful music plays. It is
perhaps "Rite of Spring" or
something of the like. The
song should be ugly-
beautiful, pain in the melody,
but sweeping.

This is a palate cleanser for

the audience- not necessarily
an intermission, but an
injection of wordless
struggle.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 34

The "dance" should last around

10 minutes with the last 2
minutes of it containing this:

JANE has somehow escaped but

there is a loud crashing
noise. She panics and leaves
JOHN behind. She stops at the
door. Looks back. and runs
out.

Lights down. In the darkness,

JOHN stands up, removes the
rope and ducktape, and becomes
a television anchor again.

Scene 9- Breaking Fucking News

LIL'BITCH drags a drowsy CUNT

onstage to their table and
turns on the T.V. with a
remote. JOHN is onstage as
anchor and JANE as hostage
enters a la news interview
center stage.

LIL'BITCH
Look!

Projection flickers on:

"Victims of Vigilantes found
Alive"

CUNT
Oh, fuck.

JOHN
We come to you live from [Your City] General
Hospital with the first ever victim of the
"Rapist Wrangers" to escape alive. Can you
tell us how you escaped?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 35

JANE
I knew i didn't want to die

JOHN
So, you knew it was them.

JANE
No question.

JOHN
So, did someone help you?

JANE
I worked with another prisoner I was tied up
with. We found a razor on the ground- maybe
from earlier that day

LIL'BITCH
shit

JANE
And I got out but I heard them coming and I
had to leave him behind and I ran and ran and
ran. I think they were asleep.

CUNT
We should've-

JOHN
And here you are. It's very brave of you to
come forward

JANE
I wanted to remind them that their victims
had a face

JOHN
And you've been working with the authorities

JANE
Yes, hopefully they'll be caught soon. I hope

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 36

JANE (cont'd)
I can be a help.

JOHN
So, there you've heard it. If you have any
further information-

LIL'BITCH shuts T.V. off and

projection shuts off. JOHN and
JANE exit.

They start trying to get rid

of evidence and get on the
run, but it's too late. The
stage is filling with flashing
lights.

Scene 10- You have the right

to remain silent

Blue and red lights are

flooding the stage. There are
deafening sirens and police
chatter.

JOHN and JANE run in and

apprehend CUNT and LIL'BITCH,
dragging them center stage.

They begin to pat them down,

roughly. CUNT and LIL'BITCH
disassociate. JOHN and JANE's
bodies freeze but still
deliver the Miranda rights in
position.

JOHN AND JANE

You have the right to remain silent

CUNT
Let's talk about justice. I know that's what
they think they're giving right now. People

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 37

CUNT (cont'd)
doing wrong doing brought to action. Justice
must be paid. Eye for an Eye. The evil meet
their rightful end and all that shit.

LIL'BITCH
Every two minutes someone is sexually
assaulted. 80% are below age 30 and and 44%
are under the age 18. And that's just based
on reported numbers.

JOHN AND JANE

Anything you say can and will be used against
you in a court of law. You have the right to
an attorney.

LIL'BITCH
The average number of sexual assaults per
year is 237,550. 1 in 6 women have been
victim of an attempted or completed rape 2 in
3 sexual assaults are committed by someone
the victim knows.

CUNT
And that is in a world where sexual assault
has gone down 60% in the past year. It
happens and happens and happens and we're the
guilty ones. Apprehended. Handcuffed.
Miranda-d. This is our justice and this is
our end.

JOHN AND JANE

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be
provided for you.

CUNT
Do you know the story of the Miranda rights?
Ernesto Miranda was picked up based on
circumstantial evidence linking him to the
kidnapping and rape of an 18 year old girl.

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 38

CUNT (cont'd)
After two hours of interrogation, Miranda
signed a confession that he did rape and
capture of the girl. In court, it was
discovered that he was not notified that he
did not have to submit to interrogation
without a lawyer present or that he could
have a lawyer appointed, so his confession
was not fully voluntary. Although he
initially got 20 to 30 years imprisonment,
after the court appointed lawyer brought it
to the supreme court, it was declared a
mistrial. Miranda walked free. And that's
justice.

LIL'BITCH
Later, Miranda was re-tried and the lawyer
was able to get corroborations of the story
from a woman Miranda lived with. He got 20
years and when he got off on parole, he was
stabbed to death. The man who killed him,
exercising his right to remain silent, had no
evidence against him and could not be tried
against. That's justice.

JOHN AND JANE

Do you understand the rights I have just read
to you?

CUNT AND LIL'BITCH

I understand.

CUNT AND LIL'BITCH are

escorted offstage in handcuffs

Scene 11- I remember when

LIL'BITCH re-enters center

stage. Through this scene, she
will be taking off her costume
to reveal a simple pale blue
shift and her makeup/face will
be washed off. It is the
intent that her face should

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 39

look almost completely

different without makeup and
could potentially ripped off,
maybe applied with some latex
or some other prosthetic.

LIL'BITCH
I remember when i saw the color fade away
from the world.
i remember when gold turned into chipping
rust and silver turned into black bile.
i remember when rainbows dissolved into
twisting grey fog.
i remember when i looked into the mirror and
i wanted to take an x-acto knife and cut
everything away.
cut away quivering lips and purple bruises
and dark sticky eyes.
cut away hot breath on my neck and the dark
pieces of my brain.
to cut and see the blood and muscle and bone
and see what was real again.
i remember when you took my hand and no, you
didn't make the world as beautiful as it used
to be, but you made me beautiful. you made me
unrecognizable. you made me into something so
beyond, so separate from the me i knew, that
i could be the beautiful exacting on the
world.
you took that x-acto knife and turned it
around, not to cut me, but to cut the world
into being beautiful.
the colors were not the same as they were
before but god they were so much more. more
red and more yellow and more beauty i found
in an anguished scream that i could ever have
found in the cool night.
when i was covered in blood and bile, i could
feel the stars again.
i could feel everything again.
but one day i saw my face in the mirror
again. and i saw your face.and if this is
happiness, then i don't deserve it.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 40

with her face bare again and

no longer in costume.
LIL'BITCH moves to her cell.
CUNT enters on the opposite
side. They are side by side,
but separated by an invisible
wall. They can still hear
eachother.

Scene 12- Separate

LIL'BITCH
Karen-

CUNT
You don't want this anymore, do you?

LIL'BITCH
I-

CUNT
Do you?

LIL'BITCH
I don't know anymore.

CUNT
What's there to know?

LIL'BITCH
If we're right.

CUNT
You keep saying that.

LIL'BITCH
It's important.

CUNT
It's only an issue because you're making it a
fucking issue

LIL'BITCH
That's the whole point! It's that we're right
and we're going to make them see. To make
them all see the truth

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 41

CUNT
It's relative.

LIL'BITCH
Oh come on-no-

CUNT
It's all relative. It's truth if you want it
to be the truth. It's right if you believe it
right. I can tell you it's still true for me.
It's still right. What changed your fucking
mind Lizzie? Tell me, have you stopped being
angry and found forgiveness?

LIL'BITCH
No. It's just the opposite. I get angrier and
angrier every day. I'm so happy Karen. I love
it so much it scares me.

CUNT
Why?

LIL'BITCH
Good people don't like to hurt people

CUNT
Since when are you interested in being good
Did you think this was something that
righteous members of society would just go
out and do?

LIL'BITCH
I thought it was for something. You know,
like we were real superheroes.

CUNT
Who's to say we weren't?

LIL'BITCH
Everyone. They say we're psychos.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 42

CUNT
And you believe them.

LIL'BITCH
I do.

CUNT
And you think you did all this because you
were- are mentally disturbed.

LIL'BITCH
Maybe.

CUNT
And you can't be held responsible for what
you did at all

LIL'BITCH
No it's not that... Karen-

CUNT
And that nothing you did or said meant
anything at all? Because you couldn't have
known, you weren't in the right state of mind
cause you were poor crazy Lizzie led astray
by this Cunt. Do I have that right?

LIL'BITCH
I don't... I just think we got carried away

CUNT
No- you just got weak.

LIL'BITCH
I just-

CUNT
No, please stop. I'm not going to let you lie
to me. Cut the bullshit. You don't want to do
it anymore. You don't believe in it anymore.
You don't believe in us anymore. That's
right?

A moment. This is it.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 43

LIL'BITCHL
...that's right

CUNT
And you're crazy now.

LIL'BITCH
I guess.

CUNT
Come on, you really don't have to do this. I
promise, I could figure this out if you just
let me-

LIL'BITCH
I'm crazy. I was volatile. I shoulda never
come along with you in the first place. You
deserved...you deserved-

CUNT
Fuck!

LIL'BITCH is in stunned
silence. a beat.

Who knows what I fucking deserve.

A moment. The silence eats at

them.

LIL'BITCH
...It's over, isn't it?

CUNT
Well... we'll always have the trial.

The lights go down as CUNT and

LIL'BITCH slump in their
cells.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 44

Scene 13- All Rise

LIL'BITCH and CUNT sit in a

courtroom. Just two chairs and
JOHN and JANE are Lawyers,
Jury, and Judge.

JOHN and JANE jerk CUNT and

LIL'BITCH up

JOHN AND JANE

All rise for the honorable judge!

JOHN
How do you plead?

CUNT
Guilty.

LIL'BITCH
Not guilty-temporary insanity

JOHN AND JANE jerk them back

down

JANE

Insanity?

LIL'BITCH
I didn't know what I was doing. I loved the
blood so much I would do anything for it. I
would do anything to not feel terrible.

CUNT
I wanted to see them fucking suffer

LIL'BITCH
I didn't remember doing what I did most of
the time.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 45

CUNT
They needed to be fucking punished for what
they did

JOHN
They needed to be forced into sculptures?

JANE
They needed to be mutilated and ruined and
tortured?

CUNT
Justice is justice is justice. it might not
have been your way. not months in court. not
shuffling around evidence and finding
reasonable doubt. short. swift. justice.

LIL'BITCH
It was like they weren't even people anymore.
I just wanted it to be beautiful. I loved the
way the blood look. I love pulling out the
intestines, arranging those smiles, the
hardness, the softness, the pliability. They
were art.

CUNT
She was amazing, but she didn't know

LIL'BITCH looks at CUNT.

CUNT continues, lying through

her teeth:

It was a game. She called it a game. She read

them bedtime stories. I killed them. I did
the physical torture. I'm the one that slit
their throats.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 46

LIL'BITCH
The screams were like music

JOHN
She didn't know.

JANE
She didn't know

CUNT
So... she didn't know

LIL'BITCH
...I didn't know

JOHN
Just look at her. Cunt was the planner. Cunt
was the knower. She put that poor girl under
duress

JANE
Poor thing. she probably tortured her too.
Who knows what awful acts she tricked her
into. Poor used thing. A baby bird trapped in
a hurricane.

JOHN AND JANE

Poor thing didn't know

JOHN
Not even remotely responsible.

JANE
Not guilty- doomed to a life insane.

JOHN
Fucking responsible- a life in prison,

JOHN and JANE push LIL'BITCH

offstage one way.

JOHN and JANE push CUNT

offstage another way.

JOHN and JANE exit. CUNT and

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 47

LIL'BITCH re-enter- converging

center stage.

Scene 14: Goodbye,I guess

LIL'BITCH
So I guess this is goodbye, I guess

CUNT
Goodbye.

LIL'BITCH
I just-

CUNT
What?

LIL'BITCH
I'm sorry...I just-

CUNT
Just go.

LIL'BITCH
Bye then.

CUNT
Goodbye.

They both start to exit

opposite ways. CUNT turns and

stops.

They walk back towards each

other and clasp fingertips on

one hand.

CUNT breaks it and leaves.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 48

Scene 15- End Credits

LIL'BITCH steps forward center

stage.

Projection flickers on: "The

Amazing Cunt and Lil'Bitch

take (Your City)!"

She stops and begins to hum a

few bars of the superhero
song. She stops.

LIL'BITCH
The Amazing Cunt and Lil'Bitch are here.
They are here to save the day.
You will not cry.
You will not scream.
You will laugh.
They're not nice.
They're not right.
But they're here.
And when they're here, they can protect you.

LIL'BITCH begins to sing the

theme song

The Amazing Cunt!

And Lil'Bitch!
Are here to fix the sitch!

Lil'Bitch is cute and fun

and you cock suckers better run.
Cunt is out on the attack,
you better watch your fucking back.
Together they keep the streets safe-
when they're not-

Lights change. She is back at

the asylum in a group session

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 49

Projection changes to a paper

sign reading "Group Session 2"

LIL'BITCH
Hey, my name is Lizzie and I'm still angry.

Lights down.

End of play.