SOC 211 LECTURE 9

Marital Breakdown

Introduction

It is always the wish of every couple to live together till death. However, in real life situation,
couples are torn apart before death. Live-in partnership breakdown of a marriage is relatively
common in contemporary society and causes significant distress. This results from the inability
of the marriage to remain blissful with all the promises and this is termed marital breakdown.
Marital breakdown refers to the common process whereby the relationship between a married
couple erodes, such that they cannot ordinarily restore their relationship. There are many stages
to the process, and each individual goes through the stages at different rates. It is a complex
process involving psychology, personal finance, and often religion. It is the breach of domestic
anticipation, often leading to a divorce or dissolution of the marital relationship. Often there are
children, in-laws, and other individuals involved in the process. At the end of the process, there
may be no relationship left, or there may be a long-term relationship at a distance. There are
three types of marital breakdown namely:
 Empty shell;
 Separation; and
 Divorce.
 Empty shell: Empty shell marriage, where cohabitation persists, but with little meaning
for the partners and with minimal or negative mutual affective support. In this type, the
husband and wife stay together in name only. There may no longer be any love or
intimacy between them. Today, such marriages are likely to end in separation or divorce,
although this type of relationship may persist for the sake of children or for religious or
economic reasons.
 Separation: This is where couples agree to live apart after the breakdown of a marriage.
In the past, when divorce was difficult or too expensive to obtain, separation was often
the only solution. Some people, especially those with strong religious beliefs may prefer
this option although their ex-partner can obtain a divorce after five years despite their
objections.

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  Divorce: This refers to the legal ending of a marriage. It is also known as dissolution of
marriage, which is the process of terminating a marriage or marital union. Divorce
usually entails the cancelling or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of
marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the
rule of law of the particular country or state. It can also be seen as to set free from
marriage clause which puts restrictions and set boundaries on the individual. The woman
is divorced as a metaphor means release from marriage clause.
Before the Divorce Reform Act of 1969 of Britain, one partner had to prove the ‘fault’ or ‘guilt’
of the other, for matrimonial ‘offences’ such as adultery, desertion and cruelty in order to obtain
a divorce. This was usually very costly and complex because it involved a type of trial with a
judge, barristers etc. The Divorce Reform Act added a new rule. Divorce can also be granted on
the grounds of irretrievable (i.e. permanent) breakdown once the couple have completed the legal
formality of two years of separation or five years of separation if one spouse objects. This is a
cheaper option and does not involve the need for a public hearing. However, ‘quickie’ divorces
are also available, in which, one spouse can sue the other on grounds such as adultery and
unreasonable behaviour. This type of divorce does involve going before a judge and proving
fault. They tend therefore to be very expensive and are mostly used by celebrities.
Divorce which results in the dissolution of marriage does not occur suddenly; there are stages
involved or processes which are followed. These processes is what Vaughan (1985) referred to
as the transitional phase of marriage. They are:
 Uncoupling;
 Trying phase;
 Empty shell phase;
 Separation or estrangement phase; and
 Divorce
i. Uncoupling: This could be initiated by either of the couple. In this phase the partner
questions or doubts the couple sincerity and the thought of the partner are reflected in his
or her behaviour. The initiator imposes boundaries on those roles that were hitherto or
before now performed together.
ii. Trying Phase: It emanates from the uncoupling phase. In the trying phase, the partners
are psychological divorced but embark on intense negotiation to bring the marriage back

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 to normalcy. The marriage could be negotiated and saved by the psychological divorced
couple. Sometimes, the negotiation may not yield any positive result. As the mutual
uncertainly lingers on, the couple looks outward by inviting people; those that are dear to
intervene and mend the marital cracks so as to save the marriage from total collapse.
iii. Empty shell phase: At this stage, the couple may decide either to still live together or
adopt separation. Should they decide to live together, the marriage is nothing but what
Haris (1976) refers to as empty shell or mum and pop marriage. In an empty shell
marriage, the spouses live together and remain legally married but the marriage exists
only in the name.
iv. Separation or estrangement phase: In this stage, the couple no longer stays together in
the same apartment; separation is preceded by critical decision by the initiator. The
partner raises some pertinent issues that bother on the cost and benefit of separation.
While all these are going on, the persuasion and counselling strategy to save the marriage
are still on. The point of separation is when it becomes obvious that the marital cracks are
too wide and deep to be mended. When this happens, divorce inevitably becomes the
most viable option.
v. Divorce: This has been explained earlier and it suffice to say that should a couple decide
to divorce, a number of crucial transition of lifestyle and outlook have to be made. The
re-organisation and adjustment is what Bohannan (1970) referred to as the ‘stations of
divorce’.
Bohannan identified six stations of divorce that a couple who formally terminates a marriage
must have to experience. These are:
1) Emotional Divorce: This entails the expression of increasing tension between
spouses resulting from divorce. It entails the emotional separation and feelings
associated with it. You need to let go of your feelings about the marriage. You may
feel that you and your partner have grown apart. You may be angry and disappointed.
Often these feelings occur before the legal divorce is finalized. Some individuals have
emotional issues for years after the legal divorce. You and your spouse should decide
the most effective way to handle household responsibilities. One partner may move
out of the house, changing roles and responsibilities. You should discuss how to
inform friends and family of the impending legal divorce. The emotional divorce

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 takes more work when children are involved. Children probably will be dealing with
anger, sadness, fear, confusion, or rejection, and their feelings may make it more
difficult for you to process your own emotions. The ongoing relationship between the
children and both parents also complicate the resolution of emotional issues.
2) Legal Divorce: It involves the ground upon which the marriage is terminated. It is
the lawful end of the marriage by court action. The legal divorce marks the end of the
marital relationship. It allows individuals the choice to remarry in the future.
Although you may have feelings of helplessness, your attorney and the court system
can help make decisions regarding your situation. Tell your lawyer if you want more
control over these decisions. Professional mediation can be useful in resolving
difficult issues and developing a co-parenting plan when children are involved.
3) Economic Divorce: This has to do with the division of wealth and property. The
division of assets can be difficult. Since two households are more expensive than one,
you may have less money to cover expenses due to divorce. As a result, you may
need to learn new financial skills. Set up a budget based on your current expenses and
income. If needed, community resources can help you find employment
opportunities. You also may be eligible for job training or educational assistance.
Insurance (health and life) and retirement plans can become even more important
after divorce.
4) Co-parental Divorce: This bothers on the issue of child/children custody and the
visiting rights. The negotiation of parenting following marital separation and
establishment of the binuclear family. You must learn how to continue your role as a
parent while letting go of your spousal role. You cannot control the actions of your
child’s other parent. However, your children will adjust better if you shield them from
post-marital conflicts between you and the other parent. The amount of time you
spend with your children may change following divorce. You may feel overwhelmed
if you have primary responsibility for their care. You may feel that you donot have
adequate time for yourself as an adult. On the other hand, you may feel lonely and out
of touch if you spend less time with the child/children following divorce. You can be
successful as a parent in a binuclear family if you:
 Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children. This is not healthy

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 for the children upbringing as it can make the task of their upbringing
burdensome on you when they start seeing and treating the other party badly
and or indifferently.
 Do not use your child/children as messengers to the other parent. The
children should not be medium of communication or reach to the other party
but rather their proper upbringing and welfare should be of utmost concern.
 Schedule meetings in an open and neutral location where you can talk with
the other parent about the child/children. This will avoid incidence of
molestation or ill treatment owing to bad feelings stored up as a result of the
divorce.
 Use mediation, if needed, to help you talk together. The use of
communication gadgets and friends and relatives can help to create good
means of communication in due time as they may help to broker truce and
provide a platform that can enhance the welfare of the children.
 Do not ask the child/children for information about the other parent. The
children should not be involved at all so as not to feed them with information
that will be detrimental to their well being or their psycho-social development
through information seeking and or giving.
 Do not make your child/children your confidante(s). Seek out adult friends,
family members, support groups, or counsellors to fulfil this role.
5) Community Divorce: This involves alteration in friendship and other social relations
that a divorce person has to experience. It entails the changes that occur in
relationships with friends and the community. As the divorce process continues you
may receive less support from family and friends. You may feel as though fewer
people are willing to help when you need them most. You may no longer feel
comfortable around your married friends. The mutual friends that you and your
former spouse shared prior to divorce may seem uncomfortable in your presence.
They may not want to take sides. You may feel nervous about starting to date again,
especially if you have not dated for years. Support groups through your church,
community, or work can help you establish new friendships. A divorce support group
offers a setting where you can share your personal experiences with others. If you are

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 not feeling good about yourself, consider seeking counselling to help build your self-
esteem.
6) Psychic Divorce: In this situation the individual has finally severe ties of emotional
dependency and comes to face the reality and burden of staying without a partner.
It is the process of mental separation and the development of your independence. This
is the “true” separation from the marital partner. At this point you learn to be self-
supportive. You may develop insight as to the reasons why you decided to marry and
divorce. Instead of spending time blaming another person for the divorce, you can
spend your time adapting to the divorce as you learn about yourself and new ways to
relate to others. You know that you have adapted to divorce in a healthy manner if
you:
 Have accepted that the marriage is over. The acceptance that the marriage is
ended brings the individual to the recognition of the need for a fresh start and
not still living in day dreaming or wishes state;
 Have let go of the anger. Letting go of the anger helps to adjust and fit into the
society healthily without having much problems or challenges in relating with
other people. It helps to stabilizer and provide emotional balance as well as
restore some level of mental stability in reasoning and actions taken
thereafter;
 Remember both the good and bad aspects of the marriage. Every union has its
good and ugly or bad sides and a remembrance of these help the individual to
adjust in future relationship with the opposite sex and as well make
adjustment in personal areas of defect;
 Have made peace with the other parent of your children and with yourself.
The making of peace with the other divorced partner is very crucial in the
healing process and dealing with anger issues. This means you have accepted
the divorce with all reasonable conditions and terms;
 Are realistic about how you contributed to the divorce. This has to do with
the role played whether directly or indirectly in trying to mend the union or
facilitate the divorce process. This helps in building future relationships and
fostering re-occurrences;

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  Have established a support network outside former marriage-related
friendships. The building of a support network most importantly a counselling
body helps in dealing with trauma and psychologically problems that may
arise in the process. The counselling body or support network group helps to
handle such issues without much stress;
 Have developed future goals. Once a divorce process occurs, the development
of future goals helps in driving and directing the life of the individual and also
brings in purpose which makes the individual overcome the challenges with
time as the set goals keep the individual engaged and active either in a group
or at the individual level;
 Have allowed yourself time to heal before beginning another relationship. The
healing involves the handling of the mental and social stigma associated with
it. It could also have to do with the feelings of regrets based on the
contribution the individual made to the marriage while it lasted. Ones the
individual has accepted that the union has ended, dealt with the anger and
frustration, made peace with the former partner, a new relationship can be
started with time; and
 Are planning your life as a single person. A divorce process makes an
individual who ones use to share responsibilities and plan as a team, now
begin to plan singularly. If there are no children involved, the individual can
plan based on his or her personal needs and set goals but if children are
involved, they will be incorporated in the planning but not as a couple but as a
single parent and children.
Causes of Divorce
The explanations for why couples wish to formally terminate or dissolve the marriage are anchored
on micro and macro level of analysis. The micro levels of analysis are the factors that contribute
to individual statistical likelihood of wanting to terminate his or her marriage. Some of the micro
levels factors are:
1) Incapacitation: Sometimes either as a result of accident or ill health, one of the partners
may be incapacitated in such a way that he or she may not be able to play sexual and other
vital roles in the home. The lack or absence of these ones available necessities may cause a

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 party to seek for divorce so as to free himself or herself from the seemingly neglect or
inability to play the needed role by the partner or the capable partner feeling burdened with
carrying the family responsibilities.
2) Childlessness: Sometimes, the couple may not be compatible in terms of fertility. It is
either one of them is not fertile or fertile but not fecund. Both infertility and in-fecundity
leads to childlessness which is enough reason to terminate a marriage. However some
couple may decide to adopt child/children or use artificial technology to give birth to a
child.
3) Infidelity: Unfaithfulness or extra-marital affairs especially on the part of the woman can
lead to divorce in a marriage. This is most common in cultures where there are taboos
against infidelity which attracts sanctions or the wrath of the ancestors. Be that as it may,
infidelity on the part of the woman is a strong ground for divorce across societies as it is
one of the clause sanctioned by society to bring a marriage to an end right from Bible days.
4) Possession of witchcraft and other demonic spirits: Sometimes one of the partner most
especially the woman use spiritual power to control the man and the affairs of the home.
This is done in other to have control over the man and his finance or to own the man
exclusively without the involvement of his extended family. When discovered, such an act
could lead to divorce as such practices of witch craft is tantamount to endangering the life
of the man and his children which in most cases could lead to the death of the man.
Sometimes, the man could also be a wizard and the discovery of such can also lead to the
end of the marriage union.
5) Disparity in Attention: It is a well known fact that in most polygamous marriages all the
wives does not get a fair share attention and care from the husband. The ones that feel
cheated always may decide to call for the end of the marriage union. Also, in contemporary
time, work sometimes make a husband and wife to live apart and meet in a few times a
month as occasion demands. Th lack of adequate attention given and suspicion that may
arise in the process, may make either of the couple to ask for a divorce.
6) A gap between role expectation and role performance: The marriage could break if one
of the sponse is unable to live up to his or her responsibility in cooking, sexual
performance, payment of school fees, general upkeep of the family and a host of other
marital responsibility.

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 It should be noted that the extent to which some of the micro factor can lead to divorce is
determined by the perception of the couple. For instance childlessness could break some
marriages while others will not contemplate divorce on the ground of childlessness. Also
some marriages could break if their wives give birth to only female children.
A macro level analysis on the causes of divorce centre on prevailing societal values that
encourage divorce. Haris (1976) identified three macro level explanations on the causes of
divorce. These are;
1) The factors that affect the value attached to marriage
2) The factors that affect the degree of conflict between spouses.
3) The factors that affect the opportunity for individuals to escape from marriage.
On the factors that affect the values attached to marriage, spouses expect and demand more from
marriage now than it was in the past. The implication is that spouses are more likely to end or
formally terminate a marriage that fall short of their expectation.
The second macro level explanation for divorce is centred on the factors that affect the degree of
conflict between spouses. The emergence of the nuclear family and its isolation from the
extended family constitute a serious emotional stress on the nuclear family. Leach (1967)
maintains that the nuclear family suffers from emotional overload which increases the degree of
conflicts between spouses. This is rather compounded with the way marriage is contracted these
days. Selection of marital partner which used to be the duty of the family is now left in the hand
of the individual on the basis of affective individualism- mate selection based on romantic love,
devoid of parental consent and approval. The outcome of such mate selection is incompatibility
which finds expression in conflict of all sorts that eventually terminates with divorce. Also
within the second macro level explanation is the changing economic dependence of wives on
their husbands. With increasing participation of women in the labour force, wives now become
financially independent and this affects their loyalty and submissiveness to their husbands. At the
slightest provocation and marital dissatisfaction a wife can initiate a formal termination of
marriage after all she can confidently take care of herself and even her children.
The third macro level on the causes of divorce has to do with the factors which affect the
opportunity to escape from marriage. The structural and institutional constrains on divorce has
being drastically eroded. The cause of initiating a divorce and the grounds for divorce has been
expanded in most cultures. A spouse can now seek divorce outside matrimonial affairs. Spouses

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can decide to formally terminate a marriage without necessarily stating the fault or the guilty
partner. Spouses also have increased opportunity to escape from marriage. This is due to the fact
that divorce no longer attracts powerful stigma. Rather than see divorce as deviant family pattern
with severe implications for children, it has been accepted as a therapeutic measure for a stressful
marriage or a honourable way out of a marriage in distress. The effect of what Bohannan refers
to as a community divorce. Negative reaction to a divore person is currently downplayed. With
the divided cultural and religious values on divorce, spouses can now walk in and out of
marriage with considerable ease.

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