How to Be Respected

@TheMentalist
Table of Contents:

CHAPTER 1
Introduction 2

CHAPTER 2
How to Be Respected/ Assertiveness 4

CHAPTER 3
How to Be Assertive/ Communication 6

CHAPTER 4
Assertive Body Language 8

CHAPTER 5
Tone of Voice 11

CHAPTER 6
Respecting Yourself 13

CHAPTER 7
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser 15

CHAPTER 8
How to Say No/ Set Boundaries 19

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 CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

irst let's make it clear.

Because I know some may question Respect’s importance.

They may think they don't want it. They may think they don't need
it.

So what is it about? What does Respect mean?

Actually, it’s basically the way people treat you. Are they doing
right by you? Are they respecting your time? Are they respecting
your boundaries?

Now, the question is, what makes it so important?

So let’s consider this…

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What Makes Respect so Important?

Alright, I'll be direct. Everywhere, at any time, there's a part of your

brain watching how other people treat you. And whether you want it or
not, if you’re treated like shit, you'll struggle to be happy.

Surprised? Shouldn't be. After all, it's just like all your desires. they're
simply contracts you make with yourself not to be happy until you get
what you want. Except this one is stronger. This one isn’t something
you want–no, it's something you need.

Why is that? Because we’re born with it. It's implanted in our brain.
We’re naturally driven to satisfy it. Again, this means it's not something
you can avoid-or question-but rather something that’ll make you suffer
until you get it. Likely increasing your pain and anxiety, and decreasing
your happiness and confidence.

So what’s the solution,right? How to be respected?

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 CHAPTER 2

How to Be Respected/Assertiveness

Let’s face it.

Being immune to disrespect implies many things. It's a vast matter.

And of course,factors like Status, or Physique, play a role. We can’t
deny it, right?

But here, we’re more interested in another reason that keeps

people from respecting you. One that isn’t about any imbalance of
power, but rather your own lack of Assertiveness. A lack of
Assertiveness that keeps you from imposing yourself, a lack of
Assertiveness that many prey on-and see as an invitation to abuse.

Because after all what is Assertiveness?

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What Assertiveness is about?

Assertiveness is essentially your ability to stand up for yourself

Appropriately. To express your boundaries Confidently-without
stepping on other’s one.

It doesn’t imply any passive-aggressivity, violence,or disrespect. But

rather Firmness, Politeness, and Clarity. Yes, those are surely the big
three when it comes to being Assertive. Keep them in mind

.Firmness
.Politeness
.Clarity

Assertiveness is clearly the right alternative to both Aggressiveness

and Passiveness that often make situations worse. An alternative that
instead naturally makes people respect you. In other words, if you’re
Bullied, Dominated, or even Manipulated, it is likely the result of a lack
of Assertiveness.

Now, you don’t have to worry. Everyone can become Assertive. It’s an
entirely learnable skill. But unlike what many people think, it isn't about
some special words-or expressions you come up with anytime someone
disrespect you–no, it’s actually more of an Attitude. An Attitude with
Confidence as the Main Component.

Sounds unclear? Let me explain. As we said, Assertiveness is your ability

to express your boundaries Confidently-without stepping on other’s
one. This means your message shouldn’t involve any anxiety, anger, or
blame, but Confidence. The Confidence to stand up for yourself, the
Confidence to be firm, the Confidence from getting offended. Make
sense? But this may be easier said than done, isn’t it? So let’s see what
this is about

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 CHAPTER 3

How to Be
Assertive/Communication

Believe it or not, becoming more Assertive is mostly about

changing your Behavior. Your attitude will inevitably follow. What I
mean is that you just need to visualize the way you’d like to see
yourself-that is to say “Assertive”, and then start acting
accordingly. Starting with your Body Language….

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Communication / Body Language

Body language is certainly the most important factor when it comes to

asserting your boundaries. Again, I know many people think
Assertiveness is about coming up with the right answer anytime
someone disrespects you. But the truth is, you probably already come up
with a right answer-without knowing it. Yet it doesn't change anything.
Know why? Simply because after all, it’s not about What you say, it’s
more about How you say it.

Let me explain. Our Communication comes down to this:

.7% is for the Words we use

.30% is our Tone and Voice
.55 is our BodyLanguage

90% of the time you’re speaking without actually speaking. It’s just a
fact. Most of our Communication is unconscious and done through our
Body Language. In other words it has a big impact on how you, or
anything you say is perceived. But this doesn’t mean your words aren’t
important. Of course they are (when you’re using them). But this still
leaves 90% of our communication

Now, the fact is, anything you say loses its impact if you don't say it
with the right Body Language–or more specifically with the right
perception of you.So how to make sure you’re perceived the right
way? Let’s consider this….

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 CHAPTER 4

Assertive Body Language

Being aware of the way you use your body allows you to choose how
you want people to perceive you. And by now, you certainly
understand that you want your Body to convey Confidence rather
than any Insecurity, right?

So let’s see how to do it exactly… Of course this book isn’t about

Body language, so we’ll only mention the important cues..

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What Assertive Body Language is about?

👀Eyes: Keep eye contact. Don’t look away. Don’t look down. I mean
you want your words to be filled with Confidence, not with insecurity. Of
course, I'm not telling you to stare at the person the whole time-no,
that’s just creepy. But you can’t be looking away when you’re talking.

🧍 Posture: Stand up straight with your shoulders back. This is also

non negotiable. You can’t be hunching around, turning around, or
slumping when you’re talking. Except if you want to look powerless,
small, and weak, start straighting up. Start facing the other person.
Start conveying your confidence.

👍Gestures: Avoid fidgeting. Avoid scratching parts of your body or

head. Avoid biting your nails or lips. Your message must come with
proper gestures. Gestures that show you’re relaxed, not nervous. So you
can give power to your message. In other words, take all the time and
place you need. You neither have to hide nor to hurry. Control your
gestures.
Of course, I realize this can be more difficult as some movements can be
instinctive-especially if you’re anxious. But just take a deep breath.
People don’t eat each other. Stay aware of your body movements.

😁 Facial expressions: Keep a relaxed face. Keep your eyebrows and

forehead smooth, not furrowed. Avoid sarcastic or nervous smiles. Your
message is clear when it comes with relaxed facial expressions.

Last but not least, your Body Language not only affects the way
people perceive you, but also the way you feel about yourself. What
I mean is that you can affect your own mind. In fact, simply acting
confident will make you feel more confident. So like i said before,
change your Behavior, your Attitude will inevitably follow.

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Take away:

Our Body Language holds a big place in our communication and highly
influences the way you-and consequently-anything you say is perceived.
In other words, whatever you say, let your body say the same. It has
to match. Otherwise your words lose their power and fall behind.

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 CHAPTER 5

Tone of Voice

We saw the importance of your Body Language in the way people

perceive you and-for that matter-your message. But there’s
another crucial element. An element that we saw counts for 35% of
our communication. Yes, I'm talking about your Tone of Voice.

Let’s see what it is about….

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What is our Tone of Voice

Our Tone of Voice is basically the way we use our voices. All those
different styles, levels, modulations, and dimensions…Think about it.
Don’t the same words can offer a completely different meaning
depending on How you say them?

The thing is, we’re so good at recognizing tonal shifts-that even the
slightest one likely changes the way you-or your words are
perceived. For example, the same words spoken with joy, offer a
different message than if you had shouted them with anger. I mean, it’s
obvious.
So once again, How to make sure you’re perceived the right way? In
fact, there’s many different tones we use everyday and each may have a
different volume. But that’s not the subject. Here, we want to know what
an Assertive Tone is about. And that, you may say is the Sweet Spot
between an Aggressive Tone, and a Whispering one. In other words,
you’re neither shouting in anger, nor whispering in fear, neither too
fast, nor too slow-no, you’re just calm, but clear.

Know why? Because this helps you be Convincing without being

Intimidating. And trust me, you don’t want to seem hesitant- or get
confrontational. Of course, some of you may not realize how quiet or
rather loud their tone can be. That’s why don’t hesitate to practice it with
friends or family-while asking for feedback. Remember, once you can
control your voice, you can influence the way people perceive your
words.

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 CHAPTER 6

Respecting Yourself

Before seeing how you can apply Assertiveness in your life, let’s
consider a crucial condition regarding being respected. One I
believe may be the most important one. I’m talking about
Respecting Yourself. I know it may seem cliché, right? But it’s
simply true. You’ll likely struggle to be respected if you don't
respect yourself first.

Because what does it mean to respect yourself?

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What does it mean to Respect Yourself?

Respecting yourself is mostly about Respecting your Time. The thing

is time is all you have. It’s more important than everything. In other
words, the way you spend that time determines your value. It’s like
a tool to measure your worth.

Let me explain, if for example you’re always available, you likely don’t
value your time-and consequently-don’t make yourself valuable. Why is
that? Simply because it implies you don’t have any commitments or
priorities. Nothing that may let you delay or limit your presence because
of its importance. Make sense?

But don’t get me wrong, I'm not saying you can’t be available. but rather
that you must be selective. That you must value your time and make it
valuable to other people. How exactly? Simply by avoiding spending it
procrastinating, focusing on cheap pleasures and distractions, or making
other people happy, but rather doing meaningful things for you. Things
like pursuing your goals and ambitions, enhancing your body and health,
learning skills and knowledge, enjoying relationships and hobbies,
improving yourself and life.

It all comes down to a virtuous cycle where people tend to mirror

the respect you have for yourself. Wonder why? Because of the
standards you set for yourself that instinctively show others how
you expect to be treated. This along with the achievements that likely
come with it- that are often related to factors I mentioned earlier like
Status, Physique… Which influences the way people treat you.

Another positive point is the awareness of your worth that you also get
from Respecting your time-which alone makes you more confident-and
for that matter-less easily offended.

Get it? So remember, Time is precious. Use yours significantly.

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 CHAPTER 7

How to Being a People Pleaser

Now, we can go back to how you can apply Assertiveness in your life.
Because after all, whether it is in your social interactions, or your
life in general, Assertiveness will certainly prove to be essential.
And in many aspects.

So let’s start with How to Stop being a People Pleaser…

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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser? (what makes you
one?)

Let’s face it. People pleasing usually comes from a lack of confidence.
A lack of confidence that instinctively lets you believe people’s
satisfaction matters more than yours. But the thing is even though you
may have good intentions, there’s simply too many downsides to
pleasing people. I mean you just lose control over your life. Often
leading people to take advantage of you or disrespect you.

Trust me, it’s exhausting to be constantly trying to meet people’s

expectations. And for what reason? Is that so you can get some approval?
Or is that because you’re afraid of rejection? I mean it’s the same
anyway. There’s just no reason good enough to put people’s interest
before yours, or let them step on you.

Think about it. Why would you not be enough to stand up to others?
You can’t sacrifice your own wellbeing to make people feel better about
themselves-or to avoid hurting their feelings.

Now, if you actually feel that way, if you see yourself as a People Pleaser
and wonder what’s the solution? The answer is simply Assertiveness.
Yes, because again, it all comes down to your ability to stand up for
yourself confidently. Of course I realize this may still be confusing. So
here’s some specific behaviors you can start with:

1. Speak your mind:

Speak your mind. Let people hear your opinions, let people hear your
desires, let people hear you. Of course, not everyone may agree with it.
But what’s the matter? Nothing more natural. That’s precisely what
discussions are for.

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Don’t be the person that agrees with everyone-no, it's just dishonest.
It’s just part of a survival strategy you use because you’re afraid of
conflict and rejection. But trust me, there’s no reason to be. Forget that
nonsense. Speak your mind. Again, not everyone may agree with it, but
speak it anyway. You have a right for it. The same right as everyone.
Stop following everyone and everything. Dare to lead people. Be
Assertive. Show your Confidence. You will not only feel better about
yourself, but people will also respect you more.

2. Stop apologizing excessively:

Resist your urge to apologize. In other words, don’t apologize except

if you genuinely made something wrong. I’m saying this because
People pleasers tend to do it as a way to avoid confrontation-or
discomfort during a situation. But you must resist that urge. You can’t be
apologizing without reason. It makes you look sorry for existing, out of
place, unsure of yourself. Not a good way to be respected, isn’t it?
So preserve your worth. Take ownership of your mistakes, but only
yours.

3. Face your fear of disappointing

Face your fear of disappointing others. Understand that people aren’t

as fragile as you may think. Whatever choices you make, they’ll get along
with it. And even if they don’t, that’s not your concern. Because as far as i
know, you don’t owe anyone anything. Let me tell you, conflicts,
disagreements, opinions, they’re all part of life. I mean you can’t spend
your time making other people happy. Again, time is all you have. And
nobody’s time is more important than yours.

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Now, I'm not saying you can’t be empathetic-no, of course you can. But
that doesn’t mean letting anyone step on you. It's rather about
respecting each other's boundaries. Just like you can empathize or
help others with their situations and feelings, they must understand
when you refuse because of your own issues, or priorities. Otherwise,
there’s no mutual respect. Get it?

Of course, I know this can be challenging for you at the beginning. But
trust me, it’s all about starting, it becomes easier along the way.

4. Do the things that scare you.

Do the things you’re afraid to do. What I mean is that you should stand
up for yourself anytime someone’s tries to take advantage of you. Don’t
watch. Don’t ignore. Don't stay silent. But react. It’s about aligning
your feelings and opinions with your actions toward others. They
must be consistent. For example, saying No when you don’t want to do
something. And it doesn’t matter if it leads to conflict or disagreements,
you must impose yourself. Again it’s natural. It’s even essential. Think
about it. That’s how we can get to mutual agreements. That's how we can
stand for each other’s rights. So don’t avoid it. Get used to it.

Trust me, you don’t want to build resentment from ignoring your
feelings. Again, I know it can be tough. So what you can do is start with
small steps-as long as you force yourself out of your comfort zone.
Remember, at the end of the day, you just need to be Assertive.

Now, since it may still be easier said than done, let’s finally consider
this…

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 CHAPTER 8

How to Say No/ Set boundaries

As I said earlier, even though our words only count for 10% of our
communication, they’re still an essential element of it. It’s not a
surprise. Your words are how you let people know your feelings and
thoughts. They’re how you let people know your boundaries. I mean,
it’s ultimately what helps you establish your position in your
relationships.

So let’s see what those boundaries are exactly…

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What Boundaries are exactly?

Boundaries are basically the limits you set with people in your
interactions-to show them how you expect to be treated. In other
words, it shows people what you accept, and what you don’t.

Because after all, some people are simply too manipulative, aggressive,
or self-absorbed. They constantly seek their own interests regardless
of how their behavior may affect you. it’s in their nature. You can’t do
anything about it. If you let them take advantage of you, they’ll do it.

And that’s why boundaries are crucial. Because they help you
separate what is under your responsibility from what is not. For
example, as far as I know, you’re not forced to meet people’s needs.
I mean each of us is responsible for his own life, isn’t it?

Now, the most basic boundary-setting word is certainly ‘’No’’.

Yes, this simple word. Know why? Because it lets others understand
that you exist apart from them. That you’re in control of your life.

Yet too many people struggle with it. They often feel afraid or guilty
about it. They believe it’s selfish, they believe it will damage their
relationships, they believe they’re forced to comply. But let me tell you,
the truth is no one makes you do anything. You’re the one likely falling to
people’s pressure or sometimes your own internal one. What I mean is
that we make our own decisions. Passively complying will not only
make people take advantage of you but will also internally build
resentment. So take responsibility for your life. You have a right to say
‘’No’’. Just like everyone. Use it.

So how to do it exactly?

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How to say No?

First, understand that despite what you may think, appropriate

Boundaries don’t control, attack, or hurt anyone-no, they just allow
you to keep control of your life. In other words, Don’t be afraid to
say No. Don’t feel guilty. You’re not selfish. You’re simply setting
limits to keep people from taking advantage of you-or disrespecting
you.

Now, let’s see how to do it exactly…

.Example 1: " Thanks for the invitation, but unfortunately I have

another engagement today. Maybe another time.."

.Example 2: " This is certainly important, but I can't help you. I still
have things to do myself. Of course, you can let me know if you’re stuck
on something…"

Did you get what this is about?

First, you can start by Acknowledging the person’s request or

situation so you can show your consideration. Then, explain your
refusal Briefly. No need to get into details. What is important is that
you’re Unavailable. You don’t want to seem hesitant or get into any
negotiation.

Another thing is to avoid those Big Apologies. Because while politeness is

important, you don’t want to make it sound like you’re at fault.

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And last thing is that you can offer Alternatives-as long as they go along
with your priorities and preferences.

Now, this can surely be useful. But keep in mind that at the end of
the day, it all comes down to your ability to be Assertive. Because
again, it’s not about What you say, it’s more about How you say it.

Get it? Also remember, Boundaries require Consistency. I mean you

can’t accept a behavior and then refuse it the next day. If you set limits,
stick to them. Otherwise, no one will take you seriously

Take away:

Boundaries are necessary. They don’t attack people but rather help
you protect yourself. Because whether it is your time, energy, love..
They’re simply things that you sometimes have to set limits around.
Otherwise you lose control over your life. Again it may be tough at the
beginning, but it’s all about practice. Just change your behavior, your
attitude will follow.

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