STREE MANORAKSHA TRAINING
Couple and relationship counselling
© Project Stree Manoraksha, NIMHANS
Learning objectives
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3
Learning objectives
• Understanding when and when not to provide couple
counselling.
• Understanding the process of couple and relationship
counselling.
• To learn about safeguarding children from violence in the
family.
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Let’s understand what is
Couple Counselling.
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What is Couple
Counselling?
Couple Counselling is provided to
people who are in a relationship
(married or unmarried).
- Also known as marital counselling
(if the couple is married).
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For whom?
• Unmarried couples
• Married couples
• Live in partners
• Older couples
• LGBTQI+ couples
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Why?
• To improve relationship among the
couple by better conflict resolution.
• To learn more effective ways of
solving their problems.
• To provide support for safe
separation if needed.
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When?
• Begin only when the safety of
the woman and her children is
ensured.
• Only if the woman has consented
for a joint session after
discussing the process in detail.
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When?
• When there is situational violence
(when the violence is situational or
contextual).
• The couple should be able to
articulate commitment to improve
relationship.
• The couple can adhere to a contract
of no further abuse.
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When not to ?
• If the issues are rooted in patriarchal
beliefs (power control wheel).
• If the woman is fearful of her partner.
• If the woman is not comfortable with
a joint session and does not give
consent.
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When not to ?
• If both the partners are not
agreeing for a joint session.
• When there is ongoing severe
violence.
• When the woman or her partner
lacks capacity (in case of an acute
psychotic illness or dementia).
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When not to ?
• If the woman has decided to end the
relationship.
• When the risk for aggression is high
(discussing the issues in the session
jointly may increase the violence).
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When not to ?
• If the partner has personality
disorder- Anti Social Personality
Disorder/Narcissistic
personality/ Paranoid personality
- Evaluation and referral for
individual therapy is required
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When not to ?
• Substance use disorder (like
severe alcohol use disorder) in
partner may be one of the
contributing factor for violence.
– Evaluation on treatment for
substance use is required
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Types of violence between
couple
Types of violence between couple
• Physical Violence
• Emotional violence
• Sexual Violence
• Controlling behaviours
• Coercive behaviours
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Factors leading to male to female
violence in a relationship
• Doubts(suspiciousness) about
the partner.
• Mental health issues of the
perpetrator.
• Use of alcohol or other
substances.
• Personality disorders.
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Factors leading to male to female
violence in a relationship
• Exposure to violence from
childhood
• Patriarchal beliefs.
• Dowry related issues.
• Perceiving violence as
masculine behaviour.
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What to do in couple
counselling?
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What to do?
•Take consent before every session.
•Inform that the primary goal of
therapy is ending violence among the
couple.
•Check specific risk factors for violence.
•Discuss about negative consequences
of violence.
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What to do?
• Discuss that there is always a risk of
injury even if less violence is present.
• Focus on anger management
techniques and afterwards on
problem solving skills.
• Discuss that violence is a learned
behaviour and a choice.
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What to do?
• Both spouses must take
responsibility for stopping violence
among them.
• No-violence contract, either written
or verbal, with the therapist.
• Regularly check for escalation of
violence among the couple(Partner
can get aggressive during or after
the session).
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23
What to do?
• Ask both the partners to think about
steps to prevent further violence.
• The counsellor must have regular
discussions about the counselling
with peers or supervisors (while
maintaining the confidentiality).
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What to do?
• First Session- Share important
information and list of referral
services.
• Appointment for further session-
consider the convenience of both
the partners.
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What to do?
• Establish and strengthen support
system.
• Safety planning.
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Anger Management
STOP skills:
S – Stop for that moment. Do not react
T – Take a step back from that situation
O – Observe your body and thoughts
P – Proceed carefully
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Anger Management
• Write about your anger.
• Mention date and time.
A- Antecedents (Situation that caused
anger)
B- Behaviour (What did you do when
you got angry)
C- Consequences
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Problem Solving
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Conflict Resolution- Healthy Methods
Reasoning Using rational checking alternatives, finding solutions
arguments for the problem.
Assertion Expressing views clearly stating one’s position,
and wants directly respectfully redirecting the
and respectfully conversation to the issue, emphasizing
points.
Partner Acknowledging actively listening or questioning,
Support partners view expressing clear agreement with the
partner, making compromises or
concessions (middle ground)
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30
Conflict Resolution- Negative Methods
Coercion Taking control using Blame, threats, sarcasm, physical or
force verbal aggression.
Manipulation Attempting to gain Providing misleading information,
compliance by false attempting to make the partner feel
means. guilty or defensive, feigning sincerity
or various mood states.
Avoidance Physical and/or Changing or avoiding the topic,
emotional avoiding eye contact, minimizing the
withdrawal from the situation by joking.
situation.
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SAFEGUARDING CHILDREN
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Safeguarding children
• Children from violent
households are at the risk of
developing mental health
problems.
• Discuss about safety planning.
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Safeguarding children
• Separation of child/children from
the violent environment to be
considered :
- When all other means of safety. have
been considered and offered.
- Child is at imminent risk.
- When victim is unable to protect the
child.
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Safeguarding children
• Contact Child line/ Child Welfare
Committee if you are concerned
about the child’s safety.
• Teach the child about what do
during crisis.
• Help the child identify his/her
safe places.
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Thank you
Minnu Elsa Abraham - Trainer
Madhuri H.N –Project Manager
Veena Satyanarayana- Co- principal Investigator
NIMHANS Stree Manoraksha Project
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