Intake Interview and Stan’s Autobiography

The setting is community mental health agency where both individual and group counseling by
qualified staff are available. Stan is coming to counseling because he got into trouble because of
drinking. He was convicted of driving under the influence of alcohol, and the judge determined that he
needed professional help. Because of course that promoted introspection and self-awareness, Stan
recognizes that he does have problems, although he is not convinced that he is addicted to alcohol. Stan
arrives for an intake interview and provides the counselor with this information:

“At the present time I’m working in construction. I like building houses, but I’m pretty sure I
don’t want to stay in construction for the rest of my life. When it comes to my personal life, I’ve always
had a rough time getting along with people. I suppose you could call me a “loner.” I like having people
in my life, but I just don’t seem to know how to go about making friends or getting close to people.
Probably the reason I sometimes drink a bit too much is because I’m so scared when it comes to mixing
with people. Even though I admit it, when I’ve been drinking, things don’t seem quite so overwhelming.
When I look at others, they seem to know the right things to say. Next to them I feel so dumb. I’m afraid
that people will be bored with me and that, it they really knew me, they wouldn’t want anything to do
with me. Sure I’d like to turn my life around, and I’m trying, but sometimes I just don’t know where to
begin. That’s why I went back to school. Besides my work in construction, I’m also a part-time-college
student majoring in Psychology. I want to better myself. In one of my classes, Psychology or Personal
Adjustment, we talked about ourselves and how we wanted to change, and we also had to write an
autobiographical paper: Should I bring it in?”

That is the essence of Stan’s introduction. The counselor says that she very much wants to read
his autobiography. Stan hopes it will give her a better understanding of where he has been, where he is
now, where he would like to go, and what he wants for himself. Stan brings his autobiography in, and it
reads as follows:

“Where I am currently in my life? At 25 I feel that I’ve wasted most of my life. By now I should
be finished with college and into a good job, but instead I’m only a junior. I can’t afford to really commit
myself to pursuing college full time because I need to work to support myself. Even though construction
work is hard, I like the satisfaction I get when I look at what I helped build.

Although I’d like to build things as a hobby, I want to get into some profession where I could
work with people, If I can ever get over my fears of what people think of me. Someday, I’m hoping to get
a master’s degree in counseling or in social work and eventually work as counselor with kids who are in
trouble. I feel I was helped by someone who cared about me, and I would like to have a similar influence
on young people.

At this time I live alone, have a very few friends, and feel scared with people my own age or
older. I feel good when I’m with kids because they’re so honest. But I worry a lot whether I’m smart
enough to get through all the studies I’ll need to do before I can become counselor.

One of my problems is that I drink heavily and frequently get drunk. These happen mostly when
I feel alone and when I’m scared that I’ll always feel as lonely and isolated as I do now. At first drinking
makes me feel better, but later on I really feel rotten. I used to do drugs heavily, and once in a while I
still use drugs.
 People really scare me, and I feel overwhelmed when I’m around strong and attractive women. I
feel all cold, sweaty, and terribly nervous when I’m with a woman. Maybe I think they’re judging me,
and I know they’ll find out that I’m not much of a man. I’m afraid I won’t measure up to being a man-
always having to be strong, tough, and perfect. I’m not any of those, so I often wonder if I’m adequate
as a man. I really have trouble seeing myself as sexually adequate. When I do have sex, I get uptight and
worry that I won’t be able to perform, and then I really feel terrible.

I feel anxiety much of the time, particularly at night. Sometimes I get so scared that I feel as if
I’m dying, particularly at night. Sometimes I get so scared that I feel like running, but I just can’t move.
It’s awful, because I often feel as if I’m dying at times like this. Then I fantasize about committing
suicide, and I wonder who would care. Sometimes I see my family coming to my funeral feeling very
sorry that they didn’t treat me better. I even made a weak attempt to do myself in a couple of years ago.
Much of the time I feel guilty that I haven’t worked up to my potential, that I’ve been a failure, that I’ve
wasted much of my time, and that I let people down a lot. I can really get down on myself and wallow in
my guilt, and I feel very depressed. At times like this I think about how rotten I am, how I’ll never be able
to change, and how I’d be better off dead. Then I wouldn’t have to hurt anymore, and I wouldn’t want
anything either. It’s very difficult for me to get close to anyone. I can’t say that I’ve ever loved a person,
and I know that I’ve never felt fully loved or wanted.

Everything is not bleak. I did have enough guts to leave a lot of my shady past behind me, and I
did get into college. I like my determination-I want to change. I’m tired of feeling like a loser; and I know
that nobody is going to change my life for me. It’s up to me to get what I want. Even though I feel
scared a lot, I like it that I can feel my feelings and that I’m willing to take risks. I hate being a quitter.

What was my past life? What are some significant events and turning points in my life? A major
turning point was the confidence my supervisor had in me at the youth camp where I worked the past
few summers. He helped me get my job, and he also encouraged me to go to College. He said he saw a
lot of potential in me for being able to work well with young people. That was hard for me to really
believe, but his faith inspired me to begin believe in myself. Another turning point was my marriage and
divorce. This “relationship” didn’t last long before my wife left me. Wow, that really made me wonder
about what kind of man I was! She was a strong and dominant woman who was always telling me how
worthless I was and how she couldn’t stand to get near me. We met in a gambling casino, and we tied
the knot shortly after that. We had sex only a few times, and most of the time I was impotent. That was
hard to take-a real downer! I’m so afraid to get close to a woman. I’m afraid she’ll control me. My
parents never got a divorce, but I wish they had. They fought most of the time. I should say, my mother
did most of the fighting. She was dominant and continually bitching at my father, whom I always saw as
weak, passive, and mousy next to her. He would never stand up to her. There were four of us kids at
home. My folks always compared me unfavourably with my older sister (Judy) and older brother
(Frank). They were “perfect” children, successful honor students. My younger brother (Karl) and I
fought a lot, and he was the one who was spoiled rotten by them. I really don’t know what happened to
me and how I turned out to be the failure of the bunch.

In high school I got involved with the wrong crowd and took a lot of drugs. I was thrown into a
youth rehabilitation facility for stealing. Later, I was expelled from regular school for fighting, and I
landed in a continuation high school, where I would go to school in the mornings and have afternoons
for on-the-job training. I got into auto mechanics and was fairly successful and even managed to keep
myself employed for 3 years as a mechanic.

Back to my parents. I remember my father telling me: “You’re really dumb. Why can’t you be
like your sister and brother? You’ll never amount to anything! Why can’t you ever do anything right?”
And my mother treated me much the way she treated my father. She would say: “Why do you do sa
many things to hurt me? Why can’t you grow up and be a man? You were a mistake. I wish I hadn’t had
you! Things are so much better around here when you’re gone.” I recall crying myself to sleep many
nights, feeling so terribly alone and filled with anger and hate. And feeling so disgusted with myself.
There was no talk of religion in my house, nor was there any talk about sex. In fact, I always find it hard
to imagine my folks ever having sex.

Where would I like to be 5 years from now? What kind of person do I want to become, and what
changes do I most want in my life? Most of all, I would just like to start feeling better about myself. I
would really like to be able to stop drinking altogether and still feel good. I have an inferiority complex,
and I know how to put myself down. I want to like myself much more than I do now. I hope I can learn
to love at least a few other people, most of all, women. I want to lose my fear that women can destroy
me. I would like to feel equal with others and not always have to feel apologetic for my existence. I
don’t want to suffer from this anxiety and guilt. And I hope that I can begin to think of myself as a good
person. I really want to become a good counselor with kids, and to do this I know I’m going to have to
change. I’m not certain how I’ll change or even what all the changes are I hope for. I do know that I
want to get free of my self-destructive tendencies and learn to trust people more. Maybe when I begin
to like myself more, I’ll be able to trust that others might find something about me that is worth liking.

Activity: Identify the statements that represent core struggles in Stan’s life.
 Although I’d like to have people in my life, I just don’t seem to know how to go about making
friends or getting close to people.
 When I’m with other people, I’m afraid of looking stupid.
 I’d like to turn my life around, but I don’t know where to start.
 I’d like to find a career working with people so that I can make a difference in their lives.
 I worry about whether I’m smart enough to complete my studies and do what’s needed to
become a counselor.
 I know when I feel alone, scared, and overwhelmed, I drink heavily to feel better.
 When I’m around a woman, I feel nervous. I’m sure she’s judging me and will think I’m not a real
man.
 I’m so afraid of getting close to a woman. If I were to get close, my fear is that she would
overwhelm me.
 My divorce made me wonder what kind of man I am.
 Sometimes at night I feel a terrible anxiety and feel as if I’m dying.
 There have been times when I’ve fantasized committing suicide, and I wondered who would
care.
 I often feel guilty that I’ve wasted my life, that I’ve failed, and that I’ve let people down. At times
like this, I get really depressed.
 I like it that I have determination and that I really want to change. I hate being a quitter.
 I remember hearing from my parents that I couldn’t do much of anything right.
 My parents compared me unfavourably with my older sister and brother. I’ve never felt that I
could measure up!
 I’ve never really felt loved or wanted by my parents.
 I’d like to feel equal with others and not always have to feel apologetic for my existence.
 I’d like to get rid of my self-destructive tendencies and learn to trust people more.
 Although I put myself down a lot, I’d like to feel better about myself.
Rational Emotive Therapy Applied to the Case of Stan