This article is a transcript of

the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Tea

at the Treedome" fromseason one, which
aired on May 1, 1999.
SpongeBob: [is in Jellyfish Fields. A
jellyfish floats by SpongeBob. SpongeBob
comes from behind a bush and stares at
the jellyfish with a telescope. Cuts to his
view with the telescope]Wow, four
stingers. [Puts away the telescope and
puts on his glasses. Cuts to the jellyfish,
where SpongeBob floats over it with his
net. Cut to the jellyfish alone, where
SpongeBobs foot stretches out from offscreen and then the rest of his body
appears. He attempts to grab the jellyfish
in his net, but he catches himself in the
net, then the jellyfish flies away. In the
background, a land squirrel is struggling.
SpongeBob looks down a cliff and sees the
land creature trying to fight a giant clam
attempting. SpongeBob gasps] Where
have I seen this before? [Takes out his
"Field Guide" book and skims through the
pages] Here it is! [Cut to picture of a
squirrel] Land squirrel. [He closes the
book] That little squirrel is in trouble.
[Cuts to the squirrel, who is pushing the
clam into the ground]
Sandy: Take that, you sorry old clam! Yall
need to learn some manners! [She walks
away] Youre about as ugly as homemade
soup.
SpongeBob: Hooray, land squirrel! [cuts
back to the land squirrel, who is oblivious
to the clam resurfacing and jumping right
at her. Cuts to SpongeBob, who is shock,
his glasses shoot up] Look out! [scene
cuts to the clam with the land squirrel
trying to escape the clam] Hold on, little
squirrel! [He does a karate yell in front of
the clam, then does the same while
bouncing to different sides. He jumps high
in the air, and lands on top of the clam; he
poses on top of the giant clam] You have
fought well, [Giant Clam]. Prepare to be
vanquished! Hai! [tries to pry open the

clam; he stops] Hey, Im actually doing

it. [SpongeBob continues, the land
squirrel finishes prying the clam open
from inside it and SpongeBob goes flying
into a sea plant] Your shell is mine!
Sandy: [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and
starts to charge at the clam, he jumps into
the clams mouth and starts to strangle it's
tounge, SpongeBob sees that the land
squirrel has already escaped and the calm
swallows him now] Hold on there, little
square dude! [She then gets SpongeBob
out and kicks the clam around some more
and finally kicks it across the sea. The
clam whimpers. Sandy leans down to see
if SpongeBob is okay]
SpongeBob: Hey, you like karate
too! [SpongeBob does some karate poses,
then he stops and falls flat on his
head] So, uhh, whats your name?
Sandy: Sandy! So what do yall call
yourself?
SpongeBob: [runs up a big rock] I'm
SpongeBob! [jumps down, SpongeBob
soon lands on one of his corners]
Sandy: Well SpongeBob, take a gander at
this! [She walks next to a huge rock and
slaps it with her hand, making a gong
sound effect which preceeds the rock
breaking into pieces]
SpongeBob: Oh. Oh yeah? Watch
this! [He prepares to do a karate move,
but all he does it make an armpit fart
noise. Sandy walks on screen laughing]
Sandy: I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we
could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hiyah!
SpongeBob: Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hiyah! Ow. Say, what is that thing on your
head?
Sandy: Why, thats my air helmet.
SpongeBob: May I try it on?
Sandy: Heck, no. I need it to breath! I
gotta have my air.
SpongeBob: Me too! I love air! Air is
good.
Sandy: No kidding?

SpongeBob: Why, "air" is my middle

name! The more air, the better! Cant get
enough of that air.
Sandy: Shee-oot. How about coming over
tomorrow for tea and cookies
then? [shows a map leading to Sandys
house] Dont be late!
SpongeBob: Okay, see you
tomorrow. [runs to Patricks house, he is
sun tanning on his rock] Patrick! Patrick!
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick! Whats air?
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: I just met this girl! She wears
a hat full of... air!
Patrick: Do you mean she puts on "airs"?
SpongeBob: I guess so.
Patrick: Thats just fancy talk. If you want
to be fancy, hold your pinky up like this!
The higher you hold it, the fancier you
are!
SpongeBob: [holds his pinky up] Hows
that?
Patrick: Higher!
SpongeBob: Like that?
Patrick: Now thats fancy! They should
call you SpongeBob FancyPants! [cuts to
Sandys treedome]Remember: When in
doubt, pinky up! You can do it,
SpongeBob. Ill be watching.
SpongeBob: Thanks pal. [rings the
doorbell with a bouquet in his hand]
Sandy: Hello?
SpongeBob: Hi-ya, Sandy. Its me,
SpongeBob!
Sandy: Hold on a sec, I'll let you in.
SpongeBob: [whistles then all the water
goes down the drain. SpongeBob bangs on
the door] Sandy! Sandy! Open up! Sandy!
Sandy! [Sandy opens the door and
SpongeBob jiggles on the ground] Sandy,
somethings gone terribly wrong. Theres no
water in... [looks around] ...here.
Sandy: Course theres no water. Nutin but
air.
SpongeBob: [waves his hand around and
smells the air] No water?
Sandy: That aint a problem, is it? Hi-yah!

SpongeBob: Problem? [laughing] Hi-yah!

Thats how I like my air! [gasps, coughs
and gets black circles around his
eyes] With no water.
Sandy: [cartwheeling] Well, all right. I
made Texas tea and cookies. Well, come
on in! Hi-yah! [SpongeBob is walking an
inch forward and it makes weak squeaking
sounds with every step] Thats not in. In!
[SpongeBob walks another inch and there
is more squeaking. Sandy runs, gets
SpongeBob, takes his hand, and runs
off] Youre a funny little dude. Come on, Ill
give you the grand tour. [fades to the
blazing sun and pan down where Sandy
and SpongeBob are standing] This is my
own private little air bubble. This air is the
driest... [SpongeBob
gasps] ...purest... [SpongeBob gasps
again] ...most airiest air in the whole sea.
Oh, over theres my birdbath. [Cuts to the
birdbath, where a red robin is splashing
and chirping] And thats my oak
tree. [SpongeBob seems enticed by the
water in the birdbath. He tries to sneak
away, but stays until Sandy lets her guard
down] It provides me with extra air. This
dome is made of the finest polyurethane,
thats a fancy word for plastic. Aint that
just the bees knees? Tell you what, werent
easy getting here neither. [SpongeBob
finally escapes and wallows in the
birdbath, absorbing all the water. He then
jumps back to his original spot, and the
bird is quite angry. SpongeBob gets back
before Sandy notices] ...thats my treadmill.
Thats how I stay in tip-top shape. Well,
come on. Lets have that tea now. [Does inair karate moves and moves off-screen.
SpongeBob gasps. He hears some
knocking from outside. Its Patrick,
pointing at his pinky]
Patrick: Pinky! Pinky!
SpongeBob: [weakly holds up his pinky
and gasps again. Fade to him sitting at a
picnic bench. He now has little wrinkles
around his eyes and his mouth is all

puckered up. He holds up his bouquet] I

brought you some flowers.
Sandy: [walks over] For me? How
sweet! [Sandy grabs the flowers, but
SpongeBob refuses to let go. She finally
pries them loose and part of SpongeBobs
pinky falls off. He fists his hand] You OK?
SpongeBob: [the black circles around his
eyes are gone. His voice is hoarse] Yes,
Im OK.
Sandy: You know, youre the first sea
critter to ever visit.
SpongeBob: I cant imagine why.
Sandy: Can I get you anything?
SpongeBob: Water would be nice.
Sandy: Im gonna to put these in a vase.
SpongeBob: Take your time. [He then
gasps and stumbles toward the door and
struggles to open it] I gotta get out of
here! Aaaaahh! [he then thinks]
Sandy: [in SpongeBobs head] I like you,
SpongeBob. We could be tighter than bark
on a tree!
[SpongeBob struggles even more]
Patrick: [in SpongeBobs head] When in
doubt, pinky up.
SpongeBob: [lifts his pinky. He then gets
confidence and victorious music plays] I
dont need water! Waters for quitters! I
dont need it! I dont need it! I dont need it!
I dont need it, I dont need it... [he then sits
down, loses confidence again and the
music stops]
Sandy: Why, these flowers are just
beautiful! [sniffs] Theyll last much, much
longer in a vase full of ice, cold
water. [puts the vase down. SpongeBob is
totally enticed by the water. Sandy sits
down across from him] So tell me about
yourself. [Sandy puts her hands under
head head feeling aroused] It must be
fascinating being a sea critter. [SpongeBob
watches a drop of water drop down the
side of the glass] SpongeBob? [a timer
goes off] Oh, theres the cookies. [walks
back into the tree] Be right back.
SpongeBob: [thinking] I dont need it, I
dont need it, I definitely dont need

it. [close-up of SpongeBobs face. Hes

really shrivelled now] I dont need
it. [close-up of vase, then another one of
SpongeBobs face] I dont need it. [close-up
of vase] I dont need it. [close-up of
SpongeBobs face] I dont need
it. [talking] I NEED IT!!![He shoots up in
the air, bounces off the ceiling and holds
the vase]
Patrick: No, SpongeBob! No, no, no,
stop! Pinky! Pinky!
SpongeBob: [guzzling down the whole
vase of water] Im a quitter! [screams and
runs around]
Patrick: [enters into the dome and slams
the door shut] You cant leave now! Youll
blow it!
SpongeBob: [hanging on the door] Air is
not good, Patrick! Air is not good!
Patrick: [pries SpongeBob off the door
and carries him around] Youre just being
shy. Dont worry, buddy. Youre doing
fine. [starts getting weak] I wont let you
blow...this. [drops SpongeBob and crawls
on the floor, panting. He coughs and
sputters, then stands up] What kind of
place is this?! [runs toward the door and
tries to open it] Theres no water in here!
SpongeBob: [joins in on the door-opening
struggle] I tried to tell you!
Patrick: Weve got to get out of here!
SpongeBob: Youre doing it wrong!
Patrick: Wait, no! Weve got.. to get...
out...
[fades to the sun]
Sandy: [walks out of the tree with tea and
cookies] Come and get it! Yall gonna like
this... [she screams and drops her tray. In
the grass is a live-action sponge and
starfish. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick
leaning against a ladder with two goldfish
helmets on. Sandy, on top of the ladder,
uses a hose to fill these helmets with
water] There, that ought to do it! If yall
needed water, you shoulda asked. [Sandy
carries over a tray with three tea glasses.
Everyone takes one] I propose a toast, to
new friends! [She drinks it. SpongeBob

and Patrick lift their drinks up and they

clink the glasses on the helmets, causing
them to spill] Hold on a second. [She
places a tea bag in each helmet, allowing
the two to drink the tea water] I hope you
like your tea strong. Drink up! [Patrick
nudges SpongeBob and they both put their
pinky up. They sip the tea]
All: Ahhh!

This article is a transcript of

the SpongeBob
SquarePants episode, "Ripped
Pants" from season one, which aired
on July 17, 1999.
[pan across Goo Lagoon]
Narrator: Ah, Goo Lagoon. A stinky
mud puddle to you and me. But to the
inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a
wonderful, stinky mud puddle.
[SpongeBob and Sandy sit enjoying the
beach. SpongeBob sighs]
SpongeBob: What a great day. [he
runs off] Hey Sandy! Look! [he is now
covered in a mound of sand] I'm
Sandy! [Sandy laughs. SpongeBob
forms sand around his head and nose
to look like Squidward and imitates his
voice] Hey Sandy, who am I? [Sandy
still laughs. SpongeBob picks up a
sand phone] Hello SpongeBob. Could
you keep it down? I'm trying to be
boring. [Sandy continues laughing]
Sandy: SpongeBob! [a doorbell rings,
SpongeBob walks in carrying sand
pizza boxes and wearing a sand hat]
SpongeBob: Did anyone order twenty
pepperoni and sand
pizzas? [SpongeBob and Sandy laugh
together. Larry walks up]
Larry: Hey Sandy. Hey SpongeBob.
Sandy: Hey Larry.

Larry: You guys wanna go lift some

weights?
Sandy: Sure. [she and Larry walk
off] Well come on,
SpongeBob. [SpongeBobs sand pizzas
fall flat as he walks on dejectedly]
SpongeBob: [disappointingly] Coming
. [cut to a group of weightlifters, each
grunting as they work out. Larry turns
to Sandy]
Larry: Give it a try, Sandy. [Sandy
stands in front of a weight. She picks it
up, grunting as she does so. The crowd
cheers for her, and she throws the
weight down]
SpongeBob: Good job, Sandy. Well,
that's about enough for today, don't you
think? [SpongeBob tries to walk off]
Larry: How about a little more
weight? [Larry bends down to pick up
a weight heavier than
Sandy's] Observe.[Larry grunts as he
picks it up, his eyes bulging, and veins
stick out from his neck. The crowd
cheers, and Larry throws the weight
down]
SpongeBob: Alright, stand back
everyone. [SpongeBob picks up a
single twig from the ground. The
crowd is silent. He sinks into the sand.
Sandy walks to a weight]
Sandy: Y'all watch this! [Sandy picks
up an anchor weight. The crowd
cheers for her, but stop when they
realize Larry has lifted the spectator
stands] Way to go Larry! [SpongeBob
burrows into the sand, and tunnels
over to a fish picnicking next to a
marshmallow sack]
SpongeBob: Could I borrow a couple
of these? [the fish murmurs something
through his marshmallow-filled mouth.
SpongeBob takes two marshmallows
and places them on the twig] And now,

with the addition of two, count em, two

marshmallows. [SpongeBob preps
himself for his lift, inhales deeply,
takes hold of the twig, and is unable to
lift it. The crowd isn't moved. He tries
again. And again. After a huge effort,
SpongeBob hears a rip. He looks down
and notices that hes ripped his pants.
The crowd gasps, then laughs at
SpongeBob. SpongeBob scuttles off,
embarrassed. Scooter walks over,
laughing]
Scooter: THAT was too funny. [he
slaps SpongeBob on the back] YOU
are hilarious!
Sandy: Aint he the funniest little
Sponge you ever saw? [SpongeBob
grins widely. Cut to Larry]
Larry: Anybody up for some
volleyball? [the ball volleys back and
forth, until Larry spikes it into some
fish and the crowd cheers for him.
SpongeBob looks at him in contempt.
A fish serves the ball and as Larry is
about to hit it, SpongeBob interferes]
SpongeBob: I got it! [the ball falls and
SpongeBob tries to serve
it] Incoming! [the serve misses and the
crowd boos. He bends down to pick the
ball up and rips his pants] Oops, I
guess I ripped my pants again![the
crowd laughs. Scooter walks in
laughing again]
Scooter: Once again dude, [he slaps
SpongeBob on the back] YOU have
split my sides! [he continues to laugh.
Cut to a Frisbee. Larry catches it and
throws it to Sandy]
SpongeBob: Hey Sandy, how about
throwing it to me?
Sandy: OK, here it
comes! [SpongeBob stands still and
lets the Frisbee hit him on the head,
knocking him over]

SpongeBob: I could use a hand

here! [he laughs. Sandy walks over
and helps him up]
Sandy: You okay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I guess so... [he does a
handstand, revealing his
pants] ...except I ripped my pants! [the
crowd laughs, and Scooter walks up to
SpongeBob once again]
Scooter: You still got it, dude! [he
slaps SpongeBob on the back again.
Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy walking
to an ice cream vendor]
Lou Vendor: May I help you?
SpongeBob: Ill take a banana split.
Lou: Uh, we don't have that.
SpongeBob: That's okay. I already
split my pants! Get it? [Sandy giggles]
Lou: [annoyed] Tee-hee. Anything
else?
SpongeBob: How about ripple? [he
does so, Sandy giggles again] No
thanks, already got one! [Sandy drops
laughing and SpongeBob happily
bounces off to a snack bar. SpongeBob
runs up to Harold, knocking his drink
over] Is that a burger youre eating?
Harold: Why, yes it is.
SpongeBob: You know what would go
good with that?
Harold: No, what?
SpongeBob: [whispers] Ripped...
pants. [SpongeBob smiles widely and
shows the annoyed Harold his ripped
pants. SpongeBob then runs around
the snack bar, laughing. He comes up
in-between two fish]Ripped pants a la
mode! [he rips his pants, the fish are
annoyed. Cut to SpongeBob being in
the kitchen of the snack bar, next to the
fry cook] Delivery! Did you order
twenty cases of ripped
pants? [SpongeBob shoves his behind
through the box, revealing his ripped

pants. He laughs. The fry cook groans

disgustedly. Cut to a broadcasting
booth over looking the lagoon]
Perch Perkins: Surfs up in the Goo
Lagoon. [fish are surfing. Close-up of
the Perkins] And here comes Larry,
doing his trademark lay-back. [cut to
Larry lying on his surfboard] There
goes Sandy, hanging ten... fingers, that
is. [cut to Sandy doing a handstand on
her surfboard] There goes
SpongeBob... [rip] ripping his pants
again. [Perkins is annoyed, then cut to
SpongeBob ripping his pants on his
surfboard. A wave knocks SpongeBob
off his surfboard and washes him up
on the beach]
Lifeguard: Hey, look! A cardboard
box washed up on the beach. [he takes
a closer look through his
telescope] Holy fish paste! Its a
guy! [he sprints over to SpongeBob
and flips him over] Why?! WHY?!
WHHHHHYYYY?!!!!!!! [a crowd
gathers around SpongeBob and the
lifeguard]
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: [to lifeguard] Come
closer. [a divine light shines on him] I
need... I need...
Lifeguard: What do you need? [tears
come to the lifeguards and Sandy's
eyes]
SpongeBob: [pats the lifeguard on the
shoulder. Close up of SpongeBob's
mouth] A tailor. [the light turns off,
accompanied by a light
switch] Because I ripped my pants! [he
laughs. The lifeguard takes a serious
face, drops SpongeBob, and the crowd
surrounding him walks off, angrily.
SpongeBob is left alone and Sandy
walks up to him]

Sandy: That wasn't funny,

SpongeBob! Y'all had me worried
sick! [she walks off. Scooter walks
towards SpongeBob and looks at him
sadly]
Scooter: Dude... [he walks off. Cut to
a dressing tent, with SpongeBob
inside]
SpongeBob: [thinking] Come on,
SpongeBob, you're losing them!
Think! Your public's
waiting. [speaking]Lets
see... [checking them off a list] "Lifting
weights - big laugh," "Frisbee in face kills," "Surfing - knocks em dead,"
"Pretending to drown," [he uses his
pencil to write the word "NO" and
circle it] NO. Come on, think! I got it!
Hey everybody! [he runs out of the
dressing tent] Not ripped pants! [he
tears his pants off]Pants ripped off.
Huh? Someone call the police. There's
a pants thief on the loose! [the wind
howls, SpongeBob standing alone on
the beach. A tumbleweed rolls by.
SpongeBob turns and hears party
music at a distance, and sees Larry
and Sandy playing volleyball] Oh no,
everybody's gone, even Sandy. She'd
rather hang out with Larry! Oh no, no,
no, no, no, no, no. [SpongeBob lies on
the beach] We blew it, pants.
Pants: What do you mean, "we"? [the
pants walk off, leaving SpongeBob
alone]
SpongeBob: Oh, I didn't have to be a
fool to get Sandy's attention. AM I
THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE
BEACH?! [Millie walks up to
SpongeBob, shining red]
Millie: No, I am. I forgot to put on
sunscreen. [she places a fin on herself,
and it leaves a sounding mark, which
vanishes]

SpongeBob: Ouch. [a fish walks up to

the two]
Fish: No, I am. I got sand in my
buns. [he shows them two sandy
hamburger buns. There is a rumbling
coming from the sand and a whale
pops his head out of the sand]
Whale: No, I'm the biggest loser on
the beach. They buried me in the sand
and forgot me.
All: What happened to you?
SpongeBob: I lost my best friend.
All: How? [SpongeBob grabs a sand
guitar and sings]
SpongeBob: When I ripped... [rip] my
pants. [he starts to sing] I thought that
I had everybody by my side, but I went
and blew it all sky-high, and now she
won't even spare a passing glance, all
just because I [rip]ripped my
pants. [the other three "losers of the
beach" assemble on a sand stage with
sand instruments and sing]
All: When big Larry came round just
to put him down, SpongeBob turned
into a clown, and no girl ever wants to
dance with a fool who went
and [rip] ripped his pants.
SpongeBob: [singing voice, a crowd
begins to gather] I know I shouldn't
mope around, I shouldn't curse, but the
pain feels so much worse...cause

winding up with no one is a lot less fun

than a burn from the sun...
All: Or sand in your buns!
[instrumental break, then the curtain
shows waves crashing about]
SpongeBob: Now I learned a lesson I
won't soon forget...so listen and you
won't regret. Be true to yourself; don't
miss your chance...and you wont end
up like the
fool...who...ripped...his...pants!. [the
whole group comes together one by
one in sync with the music and rip
their pants. By now, a huge crowd has
gathered and is cheering the group
onstage]. [A blimp flies by with
SpongeBob's name on it]
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Sandy! [she jumps on
onstage and hugs SpongeBob]
Sandy: Your song is true. If y'all want
to be my friend, just be
yourself. [Larry walks up]
Larry: SpongeBob, that was so
righteous. Would you... sign my pants?
SpongeBob: Absolutely,
buddy. [SpongeBob bends down to
sign Larry's pants. His underpants rip
off, leaving SpongeBob nude. Someone
off-screen whistles]