The 3rd-Alternative: Solving Lifes Most Difficult Problems
by Stephen R. Covey
An Executive Book Summary
EADM 424
Keith Walker
by Whitney Anderson
March 27, 2012
The 3rd-Alternative Philosophy
Stephen Covey claims
and so on (Covey, 2011). Each
that there is a way to solve lifes
side is deeply rooted in their
toughest problems, a way that
beliefs and usually identifies with
neither one of us has though of,
what they believe, it describes
he calls this the 3rd
who they are. Therefore, when
Alternative (Covey, 2011).
someone attacks their beliefs
Covey (2011) argues that there
they are attacking their self-
are two sides to most conflicts;
image (Covey, 2011). Covey
the two opposing sides see
argues that this is why it is so
their way as right and the other
hard for people to get passed the
side as wrong. He refers to this
2-alternative mind-set; the
as 2 Alternative thinking
problem lies in our mental
(Covey, 2011). Two alternative
paradigms. Our mental
conflicts are everywhere in
paradigms influence how we
society for example, religion
behave, if we change our
against science, white against
paradigm our behavior will
black, rural against urban,
change as well (Covey, 2011).
liberals against conservatives,
Covey uses a simple diagram
- aliquam.
In This Issue:
Section1:
Overview and Summary
of The 3rd-Alternative
Section 2:
Critical Evaluation of
The 3rd-Alternative
Section 3:
Key Concepts of The
3rd-Alternative
There is a way to solve the toughest
problems we face, even those that look
unsolvable. There is a path that cuts
through nearly all lifes dilemmas and
deep divisions. There is a way forward.
Its not your way, and its not my way. Its
a higher way. Its a better way than any
of us have thought of before. I call it the
3rd-Alternative (Covey, 2011, p. 8).
The 3rd Alternative Philosophy
to explain how our mental
decide to come up with a 3rd
Covey (2011) discusses
paradigms influence our
and better alternative that
various examples and stories of
behavior. The diagram is
neither has thought of before
synergy and the effects it has had
pictured below. In a typical 2-
(Covey, 2011). He is quick to
on others and himself. He argues
alternative conflict, I see my
explain that synergy is not the
that without synergy your work will
side or my paradigm and you
same as compromise, since in a
not move forward, but synergy will
see yours. I may either force
compromise everyone loses
transform your work and life
you to take on my paradigm or something (Covey, 2011).
(Covey, 2011). He explains that
vice versa, ultimately one of us Synergy is not just resolving a
synergy is the answer to human
loses. Covey (2011) claims that conflict it is transforming it, its
conflict and the principle that
the following question is the
better than just my way or your
underlies all creativity (Covey,
key to resolving conflicts and
way, its our way (Covey, 2011).
2011).
transforming the future,
You may be wondering why
would you be willing to look
dont we know about this? Why
for a 3rd Alternative we
dont we use synergy to solve
havent even thought of yet?
problems all the time? However,
(p. 12). This is a question that is the term synergy has been
rarely asked during a conflict,
misused and most people do not
yet it seems so simple.
understand how it works
Synergy is what Covey refers
(Covey, 2011). Coveys diagram
See-Do-Get. Our paradigms
govern our behavior, which
in turn governs the
consequences of our actions.
We GET results based on
what we DO, and what we DO
depends on how we SEE the
world around us (Covey,
2011, p. 10).
to as the process of getting to a and definition of synergy is
3rd Alternative, it is what
displayed on th following page.
happens when two people
Get
See
Do
2
The 3rd Alternative Philosophy
Synergy
The greatest obstacle to synergy is the
lack of 3rd Alternative thinking or in other
words a 2-Alternative mind-set (Covey,
New Ideas
2011). Within the 2-Alternative mind-set its
us vs. them or me vs. you, these types of
thinkers dont see others as human beings
they only see their beliefs (Covey, 2011).
Many people are stuck in this mind-set and
Our way
cannot see passed the other persons
ideologies, to see them for whom they really
are. Along with the 2-Alternative thinkers,
My Way
Your Way
there are those in the middle, those that do
not take either side of the debate, they hope
for compromise (Covey, 2011). According to
Covey (2011), this is also a problem because
these thinkers do not see the possibility of a
3rd-Alternative or a real solution to a conflict.
Covey (2011) describes 4 paradigms or steps
Synergy. The natural principle that the whole is
greater than the sum of the parts. Rather than
going my way or your way, we take the path of
synergy to higher and more productive results.
You and I together are far greater than we are
alone (Covey, 2011, p. 13)
to 3rd-Alternative thinking, I see myself, I see
you, I seek you out, and I synergize with you.
thinking. A recreation of the diagram is on the
These 4 steps are instrumental in achieving a
following page.
3rd-Alternative, without them there will be no
The first paradigm of synergy is the I See
3rd-Alternative. Covey (2011) explains that
Myself paradigm; it is about seeing oneself as
each step is significant and that the sequence
unique and capable of ones own judgment and
of the steps is also important. The sequence
actions (Covey, 2011). This paradigm asks you
is important because each step or paradigm
to think about what you see when you look at
lays the foundation for the next one. Once
yourself? Do you see yourself as a thoughtful,
you have adopted these 4 paradigms then
respectful, open minded person? Or do you see
your can truly get to a 3rd-Alternative. Covey
yourself as someone who has all the answers,
(2011) uses a simple diagram to display how
disrespecting those on the other side of the
these paradigms result in 3rd-Alternative
conflict? (Covey, 2011). Covey (2011) defines
3
The 3rd Alternative Philosophy
3rd-Alternative Thinking
this paradigm in the following way I see
myself as a creative, self-aware human
being who is more than the side I favor in
a conflict. I might share certain beliefs or
belong to certain groups, but these do
not define me. I choose my own story
(Covey, 2011, p. 25). This paradigm
draws a distinction between what Covey
calls the typical paradigm I See My
I Synergize With You
Side (Covey, 2011). Seeing yourself is
much different from seeing your side.
Seeing yourself allows you to set yourself
apart from the things external to yourself,
such as your beliefs. According to Covey
(2011), you are not comprised of your
beliefs; they do not define who you are as
I Seek You Out
a person. Covey (2011), speaks of
something called The Real Identity
Theft this happens when people are
unable to distinguish between their own
mind and the mind of the culture. Covey
goes on to explain that if you do truly see
yourself, you will also see your cultural
I See Myself
I See You
tendencies. You will be aware of your
true motives, and be able to see beyond
your own culture (Covey, 2011). Covey
3rd-Alternative Thinking. To arrive at a 3rdAlternative, I must first practice self-awareness,
and value the different viewpoint that you
represent. Then I must seek to understand that
viewpoint thoroughly. Only then can I move up
to synergy.
(2011) states, those who really see
themselves understand this creative
paradox that they are both limited and
unlimited (p. 29). In other words when
you truly see yourself, you know that you
4
The 3rd-Alternative - Philosophy
are not complete on your own, but also
that you have endless potential.
The second paradigm, I See You, is
about seeing the other person as a person
not as a thing (Covey, 2011). When you
look at others what do you see? Do you see
their race, religion, sexual orientation or
disability? Or do you see them as a unique
In the I See You paradigm, you
and I together are uniquely
powerful because your strengths
and my strengths complement
each other. Theres no
combination like us anywhere else.
We can move to a 3rd-Alternative
together. This is not possible if we
operate under the paradigm of
stereotyping (Covey, 2011, p. 40).
human being with diverse talents? (Covey,
2011). Too often when we look at others we
respect for the other person, it
see what is on the outside, and look
suggests intimacy and trust (Covey,
passed who they are as a person. We only
2011). When one embraces this
see their culture, beliefs, and values. We
paradigm they see the other person as
do not see them as a unique person with
a complex human being, their respect
individual talents. Covey (2011) argues
for that person is authentic, and they
that this paradigm is significantly different
can see passed their side of the conflict
from the typical paradigm I Stereotype
(Covey, 2011).
You. If we only see what is on the outside,
such as race, religion or disability, this
leads us to stereotype the person rather
than really getting to know them (Covey,
2011), refers to the philosopher Martin
Buber and his famous book I and Thou.
Buber believes that too often we view
others as objects, but a person is not an it,
a person is a thou (Buber, 2000). Buber
(2000) also argues that if we constantly see
others as things or objects we will become
an it as well, no longer a person. The term
thou is used because it evokes a deeper
The third paradigm of synergy is
I Seek You Out. This paradigm is about
actively seeking out differing views
instead of avoiding them (Covey,
2011). It is significant to see conflict as
an opportunity to learn something,
rather than defending yourself and
your side. It is important to listen to
someone who doesnt agree with your
side, they key however is to actually
listen to them (Covey, 2011). Seeking
the other person out is about seeking to
truly understand their view and look at
5
The 3rd-Alternative - Philosophy
the conflict from their perspective. Covey
this as the paradigm of creation that
(2011) defines this paradigm in the
contrasts with the typical paradigm I
following way; instead of seeing your
Attack You. In the typical paradigm I
different viewpoint as a threat, I avidly
look for a fight, and insist on my
seek to learn from you. If a person of your
solution. I make sure that the other side
character and intelligence differs from me,
loses (Covey, 2011). Whereas in the I
I need to listen to you. I listen
Synergize With You paradigm, we look
empathetically until I genuinely
together for a 3rd-Alternative (Covey,
understand you (p. 41). Covey (2011)
2011). Covey (2011) describes the
goes on to discuss the importance of
importance of meeting the first, second
talking stick communication. It is a Native
and third paradigms before arriving at
American tradition, a symbol of peaceful
the fourth. In order to synergize with
communication; the speaker holds the
you I must first see myself, see you, and
talking stick and no one can interrupt until
seek you out. I must see who I really am
he/she feels understood (Covey, 2011). In
as a person aside from my beliefs. I
relation to talking stick communication is
then must see you as a human being
empathetic listening, truly listening to the
rather than an object or a stereotype.
other person for understanding. Covey
Thirdly I must listen to your side
(2011), argues that during a conflict we are
empathetically and understand your
usually thinking about our side, and are
perspective. Once these three
not actually listening to the other person
paradigms have been met, we can
talk. An empathetic listener seeks to
synergize together.
understand the thoughts and feelings of
the other (Covey, 2011, p. 49).
The fourth paradigm of synergy, I
Synergize With You, is about coming up
with that solution that no one has thought of
yet, a better solution (Covey, 2011).
Synergy is the process of actually
creating the 3rd-Alternative (Covey,
2011, p. 60). Covey (2011) also refers to
The 4 Steps to Synergy
1. ASK: 3rd-Alternative Question:
Are you willing to go for a solution that is better
than any of us has come up with yet?
2. DEFINE: Criteria of Success
3. CREATE: 3rd Alternatives
4. ARRIVE: At Synergy or a 3rd Alternative
The 3rd-Alternative Critical Evaluation
Section 2: Critical Evaluation of The 3rd-Alternative
Stephen Coveys The 3rd-
may arise. The following sections of the
Alternative is significant portrayal of
book discuss the 3rd-Alternative in
conflict resolution. Coveys simple
various life contexts such as, work,
diagrams and easy to follow steps make
home, school, society, and the law.
the 3rd-Alternative applicable to various
These sections of the book are more
audiences. I believe that the 3rd-
specific to using the 3rd-Alernative in
alternative mind-set is an important
that certain aspect. I found that these
predictor in how a conflict will be
sections were helpful in understanding
resolved. By adopting the paradigms
how they 3rd-Alternative works in
necessary for synergy and creating 3rd-
different environments. However, some
alternatives, we can come up with better
of the sections did not apply to me, and
solutions to our conflicts. One quote that
my career choice, such as the section
really resonated with me was seek first to
on the 3rd-Alternative at work. This
understand, then to be understood
section focused mainly on using the
(Covey, 2011, p. 51). I believe that it is
3rd-Alternative in corporate
very important to listen empathetically to
environments, such as sales and
others and to truly understand where they
marketing. Although it was informative
are coming from in order to solve a
to see the 3rd-Alternative in various
conflict. More often than not if you truly
contexts, I related more to the 3rd-
listen to the other persons side and
Alternative in the home, school,
understand where they are coming from,
society, and life. Coveys philosophy is
you will be less likely to attack them.
very positive and I would like to adopt
Covey describes the principles,
this way of thinking. However, I cant
paradigms, and process of synergy in the
help but to be a little skeptical, what
first section of the book, in simple general
about the people who dont read this
terms. I thought that this first section was
book? Who dont know about the 3rd-
very informative and could easily be
Alternative? This philosophy would be
applied to most situations where conflict
ideal if more people were aware of it,
7
The 3rd-Alternative Key Concepts
but just because people are aware of it
does not necessarily mean they will adopt
this philosophy. Perhaps one is skeptical
because it seems so simple and it makes
you wonder why you have never thought
like this before. If I can make others
around me aware of the principle of the
3rd-Alternative, maybe they in turn will
make others aware and spread the joy of
creating a new and better solution that no
one has thought of before.
Section 3: Key Concepts of the 3rd-Alternative
-Getting passed the 2-Alternative mind-set
-Synergy
-The 4 paradigms of synergy
-The importance of the sequence of the 4 paradigms
-I see myself (Paradigm 1) The concept of the real identity theft
-I see you (Paradigm 2) You=Thou
-I seek you out (Paradigm 3) Empathetic listening/talking stick communication
-I synergize with you (Paradigm 4) The process of creating 3rd-Alternatives
