To be good at golf you must go full koala bear Quotes

“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting. I splatter my shots all over the place—and then I act like I just produced a masterpiece.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“A cigarette is just rolled up leaves, which makes it a smokable salad burrito. That makes the golfer John Daly a health advocate.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I shimmy so much before teeing off, people are probably thinking, "Are you going to golf—or dance?” Well, why not both?”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“They say koala bears have tiny brains and eat grass. I say to be good at golf you must go full koala bear, and forget about all the greens you've chewed up and focus only on this hole and this swing.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“John Daly is from Arkansas, but now lives in Florida. I'm from Florida, but now I live in Arkansas. I am the inverse John Daly, and I think my golf game proves it.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golf is probably a CIA psyop. Think about it. Golf is the only thing that tames the wild FloridaMan. It turns even the hilariously hostile into the docile.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Zebras are piano horses. I think about that when I’m swinging a golf club, and it brings a musical cowboy element to my game that another player might not be able to buy in a vending machine.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I once played golf. That day I caught five new ducks to add to my farm collection.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Bryson DeChambeau uses science in the true sense of the word to improve his golf game. He experiments and analyzes data to get better, and this separates golf fans, because those who think that's not cool use all of their brain capacity just breathing, like amoebas, but dumber.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People watch my unique style of play, and they want to know my top three golf influences. That's easy. John Daly, practicing daily, and an orange and white cat surrounded by yellow ducklings.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“You have to have balls to golf. That’s why The Securities and Exchange Commission doesn’t play.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“The moon is a golf ball in the sky. My motto is this: If you can’t hit a hole in one, fake it in a film studio.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I love how golf courses have water hazards. But the ponds feel empty without ducks. I'd like to start a business renting my ducks out to country clubs.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Do you know who profits most in a gold rush? Mining suppliers—merchants. Today that includes marketers, because they're selling an idea or lifestyle. It's why golf's richest men aren't the pro players.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting, but that's balanced out by the fact that I paint like Jack Nicklaus golfs. My record is finishing in 63 strokes.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“When I golf, I use just enough strokes to create a masterpiece, like I'm a painter. The score I post up would look great on a museum wall.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“They say those who can't do, teach. That's why today I'm pleased to announce I'm giving golfing lessons.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“He has a golf swing like a Bukowski line. It's slightly rough, but it's got a shape that knifes through time.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy, your golfing days are over.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Many people have accused me of having a Coach Face. I may not be able to get you to improve your golf game, but I sure will have fun verbally abusing you while you play.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I have a golf swing like a Rosary dangling off a car's rearview mirror. I hope watching me play makes you realize Catholicism isn't for you.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I watched the cheese melt in the microwave—along with the surrounding plastic. I forgot to take it out of its package before use, just like my golf game.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I was allowed exclusive access to Project Looking Glass' future-viewing telescope, and there's good news and bad news. The good is the game of golf manages to live on after you starve to death, and the bad is you'll never get to realize just how meaningless you are to the sport.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I can golf in 17 different languages. I don’t speak any of them, but that’s balanced out by your inability to listen and understand.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golf is the only sport where you can't tell how good a player might be by glancing at their physical form. I've seen some real slobs shoot scores so low the number is almost their age.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People ask me if I like golfing, and I look at them and reply, "Does The Pope wipe his ass with tuna fish sandwiches?" That response is NOT sponsored by Subway.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I got a new golf bag. I keep it full of sad harmonica tunes that I hand out like Halloween candy to all the rainy-eyed players.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Some men are dedicated to golf like I'm addicted to cheese. We have real problems, but somehow only the alcoholics get to claim a disease.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golfers flexing on other golfers for having Androids will never not be inadvertently hilarious. iPhones are also owned by Janitors, the job that's at the bottom of the perceived status pile, and I'd rather golf with a man who spends his time cleaning than a dirty pseudo snob.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I'll bet playing classical music to plants would make them grow taller. When my ducks listen to Mozart, they become more cultured and have done things like taken up golf.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear