Sarcastic Quotes

“I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

“There you are," Cardan says as I take my place beside him. "How has the night been going for you? Mine has been full of dull conversation about how my head is going to find itself on a spike.”
― Holly Black, The Cruel Prince

“Perfect! Now we're being chased by hoards of monkeys! Perhaps you would care to name their species as we're attacked, just so I can appreciate the special traits of said monkey as it kills me!"
"At least when the monkeys are harassing you, you dont have any time to harass me!”
― Colleen Houck, Tiger's Curse

“Why did you ask me to live with you? Werewolves hate vampires.”
“I don’t,” said Kyle.” I’m not too fond of their kind, though.” He jabbed a finger at Jace. “They think they’re better than everyone else.”
“No,” said Jace. “I think I’m better than everyone else. An opinion that has been backed up with ample evidence.”
Kyle looked at Simon. “Does he always talk like this?”
“Yes.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

“Jace broke off the kiss and stepped back with an exhale; before Clary could say anything, a chorus of sarcastic applause broke out from the nearby hill. Simon, Isabelle, and Alec waved at them. Jace bowed while Clary stepped back slightly sheepishly, hooking her thumbs into the belt of her jeans
Jace sighed. "Shall we join our annoying, voyeuristic friends?"
"Unfortunately, that's the only kind of friends we have.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire

“If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.”
― Jess C Scott, Rockstar

“Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.”
― Stephenie Meyer, Eclipse

“Mum said earlier what a lovely dress
you’re wearing.”
Beryl’s eyebrows wriggled like two tiny tapeworms. “This?” she said. “But I’ve had this for years.”
It was a beige dress that would have looked better on an eighty year-old. Any eighty-year-old, man or woman.
“I think you’ve really grown into it,” Valkyrie said.
“I always thought it was a little shapeless.”
Valkyrie resisted the urge to say that was what she meant.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look.
"For crying out loud," he said. "It's a racoon."
"Poor thing," I said.
"It could be a rabid baby-killer," Cole told me primly.
"Shut up," Sam said pleasantly.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, Forever

“It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.”
― Jess C. Scott, Blind Leading Another

“Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes.”
― Kendare Blake, Anna Dressed in Blood

“The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“We all consume; therefore, we all contribute.”
― Abhaidev, The Gods Are Not Dead

“So, you're telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.”
― Lish McBride, Hold Me Closer, Necromancer

“What on earth are you wearing? Did you take orders in a convent since we spoke last? Little Sisters of the Drab and Homely.”
― Tessa Dare, A Week to be Wicked

“I love the sound of it," Trina whispers, as if speaking too loudly might interrupt the drumming patter of the rain outside. "It makes me want to sleep. Snuggle my head right up in your armpit and snore for three days."

"My armpit?" Mark repeats. "Good thing we all showered up in the storm this morning. My pits smell like roses. Go ahead and get comfy.”
― James Dashner, The Kill Order

“You make the rarest canvas, love”
― Madeline Miller, Galatea

“Every day is a gift. But some days are packaged better.”
― Sanhita Baruah

“Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?
Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that.”
― Dan Abnett, Hereticus

“No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.”
― Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass

“I sort of fell."

"Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

“So what's it to be, Bear?"
Dev lifted his leg and gave a sarcastic slap to his thigh.
"By golly, I'll take door number two, Bob. You know the one that calls for straight suicide with a side of mutilation and pain? Sign my hairy ass up for that and don't be late.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy

“By the light," he said, when he had mastered himself. "I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars.”
― Alison Croggon, The Singing

“Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic.”
― Will McIntosh, Soft Apocalypse

“Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.”
― Jennifer Lynn Barnes, Killer Spirit

“You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!”
― Rachel Vincent, Prey

“A man is a penis-wrinkle when calling him a dickhead would be a compliment.”
― NM Facile, Across The Hall

“Caroline's lips thinned, her face flushed. "My husband, sir, has more secrets in his tiny, insignificant mind than the entire British War Department has had on file since its inception." She huffed with pure, disgusted outrage, lowering her gaze to the floor to murmur, "I'll kill him.”
― Adele Ashworth, My Darling Caroline

“I deserve my lollipop and I deserve my toothache.”
― Khayri R.R. Woulfe

“In every day and in every way, we're all that much closer to death.”
― Charles Atkins