Funny Quotes Quotes

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
― Lili St. Crow

“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
― Amit Kalantri

“It's been nice knowing you, Clara.'

Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.

'Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin. Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me”
― Cynthia Hand, Hallowed

“Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered.
“We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and
uncle not to worry —”
“They won’t,” said Harry.
“That you’re safe —”
“That’ll just depress them.”
“— and you’ll see them next summer.”
“Do I have to?”
― J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“Amren,” Rhys drawled, “sends her regards. And as for this one … ” I tried not to flinch away from meeting his stare. “She’s mine,” he said quietly, but viciously enough that Devlon and his warriors nearby heard. “And if any of you lay a hand on her, you lose that hand. And then you lose your head.” I tried not to shiver, as Cassian and Mor showed no reaction at all. “And once Feyre is done killing you,” Rhys smirked, “then I’ll grind your bones to dust.”
― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“Intelligent life on other planets? I'm not even sure there is on earth!”
― Albert Einstein.

“Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion."

"Which is what?" Teft asked. "With spears?"

Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here."

"How then?" Kaladin asked, genuinely curious.

"Well," Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing."

“How's that a duel?”

"He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about."

Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings

“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“One does not simply ring Roland."
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Shifts

“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.”
― Oscar Auliq-Ice

“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
― Robert Brault

“When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.”
― Amit Kalantri

“I meditate fourteen hours a day—two hours out of bed and twelve hours in bed. The mortals call it sleeping, but the enlightened are awake. It’s just the body that sleeps.”
― Merlin Franco, Saint Richard Parker

“I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you.”
― T.J. Klune, Tell Me It's Real

“A saint has control over his anger and itches.”
― Merlin Franco, Saint Richard Parker

“When pointing out the flaws in others, people always end up talking about themselves.”
― Claire Chilton

“If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.”
― Oliver Markus

“It's funny how people choose to believe in magic, miracles, fate and all sorts of superstition
but not in themselves!”
― Mouloud Benzadi

“Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.

'Die, bastards.'

She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.”
― Kresley Cole, A Hunger Like No Other

“Who said the Arabs are incapable of breaking world records? Qatar has just set a new world record by becoming the first host nation ever to lose an opening World Cup football match.”
― Mouloud Benzadi

“You have to be out of your mind. What kind of clinic lets people operate on themselves?” “Well, Suture Self.”
 ”
― Steve Bates, Back To You

“Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.”
― Kresley Cole, Demon from the Dark

“Lindsay calls them the Pugs: pretty from far away, ugly up close.”
― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

“All you Trump fans are gonna be really pissed off when your condom breaks and your sister can't get an abortion.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, How to Defeat the Trump Cult: Want to Save Democracy? Share This Book

“He had the gift of the gab and could sell sand to Arabs. Hell, he could sell a bag of dildos to a nun – no joke”
― matthew bracey, Steel Dogs

“Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”
― Regina Griffin

“Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang." I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works.”
― Tammy Blackwell, Fate Succumbs

“It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.”
― Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

“It didn’t take him thirty seconds to have a swig of vodka and a hefty sniff before his hands were as steady as a bloke with his bollocks caught in a zip”
― Matthew Bracey, Steel Dogs