Ethnologia Polona, vol. 29–30: 2008–2009, 59 – 76 PL ISSN 0137 - 4079 MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO RENATA E. HRYCIUK INSTITUTE Of ETHNOLOGY AND CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY, WARSAW UNIvERSITY Abstract his text was written on the basis of field research on the cultural construction of motherhood carried out in Santa María Tomatlán: one of the colonias populares of Mexico City, in the period 2005–2006. I analyze coping strategies used by women – mostly women of the younger generation – to (re)construct lifestyles, expectations and gender discourses in the local community. I focus on the creativity and agency of women in the existing cultural conditions and in the specific cultural moment, taking into account the possibilities and restrictions of the local context. female inhabitants of Tomatlán create various strategies enabling them to fulfill the role of mother in a manner which they find most suitable and which makes it possible for them to pursue their goals. Skillful use of both traditional and new discourses of motherhood enables them to delay the decision to have children, construct new styles of mothering or of refusing motherhood altogether. In result, the local model of wife and mother is subject to negotiation; is constantly contested and even rejected as the only possible life project. It becomes one of the fields where the local specificity of social transformation becomes apparent. * * * Niniejszy tekst powstał w oparciu o badania terenowe nad kulturowym konstruktem macierzyństwa przeprowadzone w Santa María Tomatlán – jednej z colonias populares miasta Meksyk w latach 2005–2006. Analizuję w nim strategie, za pomocą których kobiety – szczególnie młodsze pokolenie – wpływają na (re)konstrukcję stylów życia, wyobrażeń i dyskursów płci w lokalnej społeczności. Skupiam się na kreatywności i sprawczości kobiet w zastanych warunkach kulturowych i określonym momencie historycznym, z uwzględnieniem możliwości oraz ograniczeń lokalnego kontekstu. Mieszkanki Tomatlanu tworzą różnorodne strategie umożliwiające wykonywanie macierzyństwa w sposób najbardziej im odpowiadający, pozwalający w mniejszym lub większym stopniu i w zależności od potrzeb realizować swoje cele. Manipulowanie tradycyjnymi i nowymi dyskursami macierzyństwa pozwala im na opóźnianie decyzji o posiadaniu dzieci, na konstruowanie nowych stylów „bycia matką”, bądź rezygnacji z macierzyństwa. W konsekwencji lokalny wzór bycia matką i żoną jest przedmiotem negocjacji, bywa kontestowany, a nawet odrzucany jako jedyny projekt życia. Jest jednym z obszarów w których ujawnia się lokalna specyfika transformacji społecznej. K e y w o r d s: singleness, agency, social change, coping strategies, motherhood, Mexico 60 RENATA E. HRYCIUK INTRODUCTION In contemporary mestizo culture in Mexico motherhood still forms the core of female identity and the main element of the hegemonic gender discourse. A woman’s most socially desirable role is still madresposa (mother-wife). Despite ongoing changes, including women’s increased social significance, the belief that a woman is predominantly a mother remains very strong. In light of this, when I began research on the local construction of motherhood and parenthood in one of the colonias populares1 of Mexico City, I expected that my personal situation – that is the fact that I was single and childless – would decisively inluence the dynamics of my research. To my surprise, hardly anyone was interested in my private life. Already during the first few weeks of my stay in Santa María Tomatlán, I was granted the androgynous status of a professional and of the local therapist. hus I became one of the growing group of young, unmarried and childless female residents of Tomatlán, who take advantage of the existing educational opportunities and the support of their families to invest in their professional careers and personal development (Hryciuk 2008a). Obtaining the community’s acceptance for leading a new lifestyle and even receiving recognition for one’s accomplishments requires women from Tomatlán (Tomateras) to skilfully take advantage of possibilities ofered by urban life, including the tools of the state’s gender equality policies2 and of using elements of gender ideologies (dominant – mestizo and subordínate – local). In result, Tomateras create alternative survival and coping strategies. hey are not only “passive victims” of processes of social change but also agents, gendered subjects who actively construct their social worlds and cultural discourses inluencing their lives (Hryciuk 2008b). In this article I analyze the strategies employed by female residents of Tomatlán – particularly the younger generation of women – to (re)construct their lifestyles, expectations and gender discourses in the local community. It should be emphasized that women’s coping strategies assume various forms; they can impede, strengthen or stimulate social change. In this analysis I focus on women’s creativity and agency in the existing cultural conditions and in the particular historical moment, taking into account the possibilities and limitations of the local context. Women’s agency, rooted in socialcultural relations, dependent on structure and circumstances which strengthen or limit its inluence, has the potential to create dynamic configurations of resistance strategies, strategies of negotiation or adaptation (Lister 1997, Brettell 2002). Research on women’s agency, conducted from the local perspective, makes it possible to “position” these ongoing processes, capture their character and the direction of the transformations. 1 2 In Mexico a colonia popular is an administrative area defined as a colony (part of a district), inhabited by lower class and lower-middle class residents. See: www.inamujer.df.gob.mx MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 61 It reveals the inluence of local specificity on the creation of social change but also on its impediment. On the other hand, it also points out how gendered social processes create the unique character of specific locations (Montoya, frazier, Hurtig 2002). he empirical basis of the text is formed by field research on changing models of motherhood and parenthood, consisting of participant observation and in-depth interviews (including elements of life stories) with both men and women, in Mexico City, in the district of Iztapalapa, in the period 2005–2006.3 he location of the research was Santa María Tomatlán, one of so-called pueblos originarios, that is communities with a pre-Columbian heritage, which can still be found sometimes even in the downtown districts of some Mexican cities, thanks to their amazing abilities of adapting ancient rituals and holidays to conditions existing in the contemporary metropolis.4 Tomatlán is a de-nativized (Bonfil Batalla 2003) community, whose inhabitants, despite many years of rapid urbanization and the strong inluence of the state’s modernizing policies, the disappearance of the native language (nahuatl) and dress, have retained local customs and traditions (e.g. popular religiosity, mayordomia5 and celebrating holidays). Another key feature of this community, from the perspective of my research, is the local gender order (Connell 1987). It is understood as a community’s ways of forming models of femininity and masculinity through power relations. An important feature of the gender order in Tomatlán is an indigenous model of strong womanhood (Hryciuk 2008b). LOCAL SPECIfICITY Of THE GENDER ORDER Research carried out in the past decades on the (re)construction of models of femininity in Mexican cities reveals that the contemporary image of a woman and of femininity is highly heterogeneous. It is, in fact, a dynamic collage of traditional and modern 3 4 5 field research carried out during a scholarly visit (scholarship of the Mexican government) in 2005/6 at the Gender Studies Program of the National University of Mexico in Mexico City (Programa Universitario de Estudios de Género, Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México, PUEG UNAM). Project also financed through supervisor’s research grant number 1H02EE 074 28, directed by prof. Anna Titkow. Results of the research have formed the empirical basis of the doctoral dissertation Cultural Context of Motherhood on the Example of Mexico defended at the Institute of Philosophy and Sociology of the Polish Academy of Sciences in 2008. here exist 16 pueblos originarios in Mexico City, all of them in the city’s largest district Iztapalapa. hey are also commonly called colonias populares. Sponsoring ceremonies and holidays connected to the cult of local saints and representations of the virgin Mary (Virgenes), according to Diccionario Del Español Usual en México: “Mayordomía is an institutional characteristic of Native American and mestizo catholicism. It consists of safeguarding the cult of saints and also of organizing and carrying out religious holidays in districts of cities and towns (barrios de los pueblos), whose representation is temporarily entrusted to persons deemed honest and respected by public opinion. 62 RENATA E. HRYCIUK models; consisting of various, often contradictory, gender discourses and practices. he process of social change is not linear, moving from the direction of the traditional to the modern. A simple exchange of features traditionally ascribed to women, such as being prone to sufering and sacrifice “for the good of family and children”, for personal autonomy, independence and self-sufficiency does not take place. Additionally, the character of the (re)construction of models of femininity depends on social class, age (generation), historical moment, ethnicity and education (Napolitano 2002, Sánchez Bringas 2003). he nature of these changes is evident in the transformation of the gender order in the conditions of the de-nativized pueblo originario. Until the 1950s Tomatlán’s interactions with Mexico City were only occasional and took place mostly through a system of canals, used for transporting local agricultural products to markets. Due to its native heritage and agricultural character, Tomatlán, functioning on the outskirts of the capital city, was not a subject of the state’s modernizing policies.6 Its residents were thus not subjected to the post-revolutionary discourse of “true masculinity” (machismo) and “true femininity” (mujer sumisa y abnegata – submissive and acquiescent woman) (Hryciuk 2008b). he local model of womanhood – similarly as in other (pre-industrial and rural) native communities (Zárate vidal 2004) – represented women as autonomous and independent, valuing highly their work outside the house; women as landowners and inheriting property. According to my interlocutors, their mothers and grandmothers, in addition to household duties, also planted and tended crops, tended livestock and, most importantly, were involved in trade, and therefore regularly attended local markets. heir mobility and access to money resulted in their strong position in relationships and in the community (for example, they could independently finance participation in mayordomia). he collapse of the chinampas 7 system put an end to these activities. However, the rapid urbanization of the 1960s intensified contacts with Mexico City and, in consequence, for example, intermarriage with migrants. In that period relations between men and women became more inluenced by state ideology (through schools, media, public health care, work outside the pueblo). he decisive period for the transformation of gender relations in Tomatlán was most certainly the beginning of 1970s, which included, on the one hand, the beginning of 6 7 he Mexican, post-revolutionary modernizing project did not pertain to native communities. Moreover, Native Americans were perceived as “an obstacle for modernization.” he term chinampa, from the nahuatl language, describes the Central American method of farming consisting of building artificial islands on lakes of Mexico valley, where vegetables (corn, beans, pumpkins, tomatoes, chile, etc.) and lowers were grown. Sometimes the term is used to refer to the field itself. A small area of chinampas still exists in Mexico City on the remains of Xochimilco Lake. he area is protected by UNESCO and has been recorded on the List of World Cultural and Natural Heritage Sites. MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 63 family planning campaigns8 but also, on the other hand, the creation of a parish and the commencement of the construction of a church. he local model of strong and independent womanhood was strengthened in the following decades, for example, through the mobilization of Tomateras in the period of the economic crisis in the 1980s, women’s increased participation in the labor market, access to education and, more recently, through the state’s gender equality policy.9 Messages related to gender equality, opposing violence against women and more generally connected to women’s increased social status have recently become so prevalent in the public spaces of Mexico City that anthropologist Griselda Martínez (2005) has defined this phenomenon as women’s conquest of public space (la conquista femenina del espacio público). At the same time, increasing class diferentiation becomes another factor which inluences the local gender order. A group of wealthier families, aspiring to middle-class life, becomes visible in the community of Tomatlán, consisting mostly of representatives of lower and lower-middle classes (clases populares), including families living below the poverty line, recipients of social aid programs; there also exists a group of increasingly more aluent families, aspiring to a middle class lifestyle. Wealthier families become – for example, through media messages – targets of the discourse of intensive mothering (Hays 1996). his discourse is an inseparable element of the middle class gender order based on the distinction into the public and the private as separate spheres of male and female activity. he model of the breadwinning father, and the “full-time mother”, which does not advance relationships based on partnership, is foreign to the indigenous models of Tomatlán. However, it is supported by the neoliberal economic doctrine which emphasizes individualism (Hryciuk 2008b). An analysis of the interviews and life stories I recorded in Tomatlán reveals that currently the character of the relations between the genders and the woman’s position in the society and family are to a large extent determined by the origins of the specific person, and to a lesser extent, also by age (generation), education, wealth, predispositions and personal ambitions. My interlocutors from Tomatlán (nativas), unlike the migrant women residing in the district (fuereñas-foreigners), in addition to cultural models of female independence and well developed family relations (support systems) unavailable to women “from the outside”, also inherited property: they owned lots and houses in Tomatlán. his not only added to the family’s financial security but also strengthened the women’s positions in relationships, particularly in unions with men from outside the pueblo. 8 9 In the early 1970s Mexican discourses on population and demographic policies changed, facing the threat of rapid and uncontrolled population growth. In accordance with UN directives for developing countries, the government of Mexico adopted neo-Malthusian discourse promoted by international agencies, including family planning methods which, in practice, amounted to intensive promotion of birth control among women (Chant, Craske 2003). he Mexican state began introducing gender mainstreaming policies in 1995, following the recommendation of the World Conference on Women organized that year by the UN in Beijing. 64 RENATA E. HRYCIUK It should be emphasized that the madresposa (mother-wife) model – characteristic for the hegemonic gender discourse which views motherhood as a woman’s most important and natural role, the defining role for her identity and social position – still remains the most important element of the model of femininity and the starting point for planning one’s life. However, in Tomatlán this model is “filtered” by local conditions, experiences of families, relationships and individuals. Tomateras create various – often very lexible – strategies (long-term, temporary, etc.), enabling them to carry out the role of mother in a way which suits them best and which allows them, to a greater or lesser extent, to fulfill their goals. Manipulating traditional and new discourses of motherhood enables them to delay the decision to have children, to construct new styles of mothering or to refuse motherhood altogether. In consequence, the local style of being a mother and wife is subject to negotiations, is contested and even rejected as the only life project. It becomes one of the spheres which reveals the local specifics of social transformation (Hryciuk 2008b, 2010). he attitudes to motherhood and women’s new lifestyles I recorded are increasingly more varied and individualized. Making generalizations in such conditions is somewhat risky, yet it seems that the axis for the specificity of the processes described above is generational change (between the generation of mothers and of daughters). An element which should also be taken into account is women’s origin (particularly in the mothers’ generation). (RE)CONSTRUCTION Of MODELS Of WOMANHOOD: MOTHERS’ GENERATION Women from the mothers’ generation from Tomatlán (nativas) have created strategies enabling increasingly more open negotiations of their position within the family and the community, on the basis of local models of strong womanhood and new possibilities created by the state’s gender policies (promoting Mexican women’s employment and participation in political life, campaigns related to reproductive rights, women’s rights and against domestic violence, etc.). Meanwhile, my interlocutors originating from outside the pueblo have more often used the traditional model of mother-wife to achieve the same goals. Despite the variety of strategies used by the particular Tomateras from the mothers’ generation, they all share one element: creating a strong bond with one’s children. Similarly to other colonias populares of Mexican cities (Mahar 1992, Napolitano 2002), mothers (also single mothers) invest in building their children’s social capital. By financing their education, mothers not only provide children with opportunities for the future but also improve their own position in the neighborhood, community, colony, build a network of family relations, in the household and outside of it. hese actions aim MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 65 at strengthening their current and future status. valentina Napolitano emphasizes that in the case of mothers “investing in social capital is an identity strategy” (2002 p. 159). Children were my interlocutors’ greatest asset and, with time, were supposed to help their mothers, support them in conlicts with their partner and distant family. he woman’s personal autonomy increased as the children got older, as did her power within the household. Having children was also a guarantee of income and security for the future: children helped in the family business, earned money and the ones who emigrated continued to financially support their mothers. Tomateras from the mothers’ generation, particularly those who did not perform wage work and focused on fulfilling the role of mother-wife as best as they could, based their individual strategies on caring for the family and children. However, this submission to the traditional model of femininity – taking care of the partner’s and the children’s needs, care for their well-being (bienestar) – carries with it a potential of controlling the family’s activities and of resistance to male domination. Similarly to other Mexican colonias populares, women who are devoid of power within the family manipulate interpersonal relationships, take advantage of the cultural position of mother who “deserves respect,” turning to blackmail or “falling ill” etc. (Le vine, Sunderland 1993, Napolitano 2002). As Napolitano notices: “Controlling through nurturing can be read as a form of compliance to male authority, but it also part of a negotiation for power. It is important to remember the significant links between feeding, food, home and female domestication of male sexuality” (2002, p. 160). herefore, when all members of the household were attended to (bien atendidos), my interlocutors felt empowerment resulting from carrying out their social role properly. for some of them this strategy was a “pass” for activity outside the home and in the public sphere, for example, they received their husbands’ and families’ permission for becoming involved in mayordomia, door-to-door selling of products (for example, cosmetics) or even for participating in political campaigns. As other research show (Levine, Sunderland 1993, Napolitano 2002), women’s involvement in the public sphere (participation in mayordomia, church communities, political activity, liberation theology movements, groups promoting natural medicine and attendance of various courses organized by local authorities) is an important element of a strategy of resistance to the traditional madresposa model. However, most of my interlocutors from the mothers’ generation usually justified their engagement in such enterprises as something which would benefit (more or less tangibly) the entire family. At this point the special status of widows should be emphasized. heir status in the family increased after their partner’s death. My interlocutors did not wish to remarry. he younger ones claimed that remarriage could possibly improve the family’s financial situation but they did not want to subject their children to the authority of a stepfather. he older ones directly rejected another formal union as equal to losing one’s independence. 66 RENATA E. HRYCIUK In general, female residents of Tomatlán from the mothers’ generation were quicker than men to accept changes in the life and future of their families and were more likely to think in a long-term perspective. hey were also more eager to modify their lifestyles, they encouraged their children to take on new challenges. In the pueblo community women have a strong but still submissive position, therefore accepting and adjusting to change is not connected to – as is the case with men – fear of losing privileged status. Unlike many analyses of educational models in Latin American communities (see: Chant, Craske 2003), my research reveals that more emphasis was placed in Tomatlán on the education of girls than of boys. heir mothers explained that women’s lower status required special preparations, to secure their safety in case of a life or social crisis. he maternal function places a special requirement on the woman to ensure the family’s survival and is always connected to sufering and sacrifice. herefore a higher social position would – in the eyes of my interlocutors – facilitate better fulfillment of duties related to motherhood. Understandably, the Tomaters I interviewed encouraged their daughters to educate themselves, take up wage work, take advantage of existing opportunities in order to be able to “defend themselves from problems” (para que sepan defenderse), that is to be able to cope with life. Additionally, the daughters’ education and possible advancement into the middle class were treated as compensation for the mothers, fulfillment of their ambitions, symbolic redressal of their own errors and bad decisions. he generation of mothers uses cultural capital connected to motherhood to explain the most revolutionary changes in their lives (for example, divorce from their alcoholic husband or involvement in politics for the good of the children and the family), to promote more freedom of choice for their daughters, to support their ambitions and aspirations. At the same time mothers exert very strong pressure on their daughters, expecting them to fulfill their expectations and to work out a new style of being a woman-mother, skillfully blending traditional elements with modern models of responsible motherhood. Significantly, my interlocutors believed that their daughters should, in the future, become mothers, although not necessarily mothers-wives. hey emphasized that this is the ideal situation but that it does not always take place. hey declared that an educated woman who can support herself does not have to remain in a relationship at all costs. She should also not hurry with marriage and motherhood, she should “enjoy life” (disfrutar la vida) (cf. Sánchez Bringas 2003, Levine, Sunderland 1993). (RE)CONSTRUCTION Of MODELS Of WOMANHOOD: DAUGHTERS’ GENERATION In the daughters’ generation the issue of origin (division into nativas and fuereñas) played a less significant role for negotiating the model of mother-wife and building new life strategies. Educational level, wealth of the family and transformation of MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 67 models of masculinity proved much more important. My interlocutors grew up in the 1980s and 1990s, in a period of rapid changes in women’s social position, and of intensive mobilization of the female residents of the capital city in the face of economic crises, activity of social movements, campaigns for family planning, the appearance of equality discourse, etc. Young women, supported by their mothers (both nativas and fuereñas) became better educated and, in consequence, improved their position on the labor market. New possibilities of participating in social life gave Tomateras better self-knowledge and a feeling of empowerment, leading to significant lifestyle changes. According to my research, young women consciously build new relations in their families, increasingly more based on partnership and involved parenthood. he hegemonic model of wife-mother, though still strongly rooted in Tomatlán reality, is being modified by the daughters’ generation through grassroots, day-to-day negotiations between women and men. hey are to a large extent supported by programs of the federal District, which promote gender equality and new, responsible parenthood as well as media messages popularizing planned parenthood (Hryciuk 2008b, 2010). he official gender discourse expressed by the state’s policies requires men and women to become involved in building a modern Mexico. Both models promoted by the state, that of the “modern Mexican woman” and “the new man” emphasize aspects of partnership-based cooperation within relationships and of planned parenthood. While doing research in Tomatlán I noticed changes in the perception of relationships between the sexes, in the direction of more egalitarianism. Modern women are entitled to more rights, more power and autonomy in relationships. Male promiscuity and cultural “polygamy” (casa chica) have become targets of criticism and men themselves have declared more participation in household chores (though the division is still far from fair), particularly in taking care of children, in emergencies (mother’s absence, child’s illness, etc.). Women’s employment outside the home was still evaluated ambivalently (from complete acceptance of a female cousin’s professional career to rejection of paid employment for one’s future wife), but the majority of both men and women accepted women’s participation in the family budget. My male interlocutors revealed a high knowledge of contraceptive techniques and approved of their use: they did, however, em phasize that preventing pregnancy was primarily the domain of the woman. Changes in relations between the genders and the local construction of fatherhood in Tomatlán are characterized by generational diference. Even though fathers-machos may, with time, become considerate grandfathers, the younger generation’s – today’s twenty- and thirt-year olds – approach to parenthood relects the long-term inluence of family planning programs and also the more recent campaigns for reproductive rights and responsible fatherhood. In Mexico City, the state has been particularly inluential in the field of male sexuality and relations between the genders (Gutmann 1996, Hryciuk 2008b). Emancipatory and equality models began reaching Tomatlán from the outside: via the urban lifestyle, policies of state authorities, school, social 68 RENATA E. HRYCIUK campaigns present in urban public space, media etc, have been adapted to local conditions, including the local gender order. Simultaneously with increased aluence of many families, a middle class lifestyle has also developed, emphasizing the traditional Mexican model of relations between men and women with hegemonic models of father-breadwinner and mother-wife (madresposa). his model is supported by the Catholic component of Mexican culture and activities of the church hierarchy as well as by neo-liberal discourse, based on the division into public-private as separate spheres for men’s and women’s activities. Aspirations to middle class status are also visible in the mothering practices of my interlocutors from the daughters’ generation. hese are characterized by the “ideology of intensive mothering” (Hays 1996). At this time intensive mothering sets the standard for mothering practices in the Mexican middle and upper classes (Sánchez Bringas 2003, Acura 2005). Attempts at fulfilling this standard necessarily result in full-time motherhood. Motherhood becomes a personal project, evaluated by others. Mothers become consumers of specialized knowledge (guidebooks, magazines etc.). he proper way of mothering becomes a sort of specialization, very difficult to perform just right. A mother’s role is to create the perfect child, one that can successfully compete in many fields (Hays 1996) In Tomatlán elements of the ideology of intensive mothering are consumed to a smaller or greater extent, depending on the financial possibilities, available time and parental aspirations. his process creates a lot of tension and conlicts within the family and the household. Negotiating the gender order in the middle class is – as research shows – more difficult than in the lower classes. Even the middle class of the most liberal city – the capital – is much more conservative than clases populares (Arias and Rodríguez 1998). his explains why social advancement in reality constitutes another obstacle for Tomateras in achieving their goals, negotiating their position in relationships and in involved fatherhood. Summing up, improvement of the family’s financial situation creates new barriers for women and causes frustration. Paradoxically, the wealthiest families in Tomatlán also have the highest conlict rates. Not all female inhabitants of the pueblo agree that social advancement and the family’s material status should erase their life plans and aspirations, sparked by gender-equality campaigns emphasizing women’s right to fully participate in social life and the possibilities ofered by urban life. Men whose material status has improved aspire to the traditional model of relations between the genders, typical for the middle class and are rarely open to negotiating – or, in their eyes, losing – their newly obtained social position. It seems that this could be a transitional situation, which can be interpreted as a “crisis of male identity” (Montesinos 2005), because wealthy Tomateros, the husbands of stay-at-home wives, are also investing in the educations of their daughters, declaring support for their professional careers. MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 69 In Tomatlán women from the daughters’ generation try to create individual strategies allowing them to best cope with divergent expectations. hese are articulated by their families and partners, official gender discourse, the ideology of intensive mothering closely connected to neoliberal economic doctrine and aspirations for middle class life, and discourse of the conservative Catholic church, which is currently regaining its inluential position. he increase in women’s social status and changes in life models among the youngest residents of Tomatlán have brought about new strategies of resisting the traditional role of mother-wife. Educated young Tomateras more commonly delay their decisions to start families or declare a single lifestyle as their choice. STRATEGIES Of SINGLE AND CHILDLESS WOMEN: MAdrES PrESTAdAS Women’s single lifestyle was accepted and constituted a stable element of urban life of Mexico’s capital city as early as the nineteenth century. he term spinster (solterona) was coined only at the end of that century by journalists promoting the state’s pronatalist discourse (Hryciuk 2008b). Even today, despite long-term inluence of the hegemonic model of womanhood, based on the maternal function, women who do not start families and remain childless are not stigmatized in colonias populares of Mexico City. My interlocutors claimed that the term spinster was not commonly used in their community. Personally, I also never heard anyone refer to unmarried women using this term. Elizabeth Jelin (1989) author of research on the perception of women’s single lifestyle (soltería) in Latin American communities,10 emphasizes that the perception of this lifestyle is changing along with women’s increased social position and autonomy. In the face of more lifestyle choices, women invest more time and efort in obtaining an education, in their professional careers; they delay the decision to have children and make decisions about filing for divorce. Neoliberal doctrine, causing states to cut their social expenses expecting that individuals will take responsibility for their lives and families, makes educated women more cautious when making life-altering decisions. Generally, as Jelin claims, remaining single (single women, bachelors, celibate, etc.) loses its social “visibility” as the category itself receives more social acceptance. his general trend in Latin American in perceiving women’s single lifestyle should be read from the perspective of class diferences but also local conditions. In Mexico 10 So far not much sociological and anthropological research has been carried out on women’s single lifestyle in Latin American: ‘solteria’/singleness is, however, the subject of increasingly more press articles and journalistic investigations, see, e.g., Barragán Lomelí 2003. 70 RENATA E. HRYCIUK City, as research reveals, alternative models of motherhood/abstaining from motherhood: the decision to live life as a single person, to be a single mother (without the help and participation of a partner), or to remain in a childless relationship are most commonly found among the middle and higher classes and among women who are professionally active. Also in my research women from the middle class declared that having children was not a requirement for their self-fulfillment; they put emphasis on women’s autonomy and choice of lifestyle. he pressure of intensive mothering, predominant in the middle class, was also a factor in their decision about childlessness, as this mothering style significantly hinders, or even altogether precludes, a woman’s professional career should she decide to have a child (Martínez vázquez 1997, Asakura 2005, Sánchez Bringas 2003). Residents of Tomatlán who want to live out alternative models of life have to face the conviction about woman’s calling for motherhood, still strong even today, and the belief that a woman’s position in society depends mostly on the presence of a man and on having ofspring (cf. Melhuus 1992, García and de Oliveira 1994, Szasz 1998). Such attitudes result in social pressure and on controlling the behavior of unmarried Tomateras, which, in turn, forces them to create strategies that explain or “justify” their status in the pueblo community. female inhabitants of Tomatlán who choose alternative lifestyles are usually twentyor thirty-something, educated, professional women from various families (natives of Tomatlán, families with one of the parents originating from outside the pueblo, or immigrant families). In all family set-ups I noticed a significantly higher educational level among women than among men. I also noticed that it was the most mobile and ambitious women who became involved in changing the model. I shall now briely recount the stories of three young single women from Tomatlán.11 he first one is the youngest daughter of one of my main interlocutors, a 32-yearold physician (general practitioner), a childless single woman, living in her parents’ house. Elvira worked two shifts in private clinics and was also planning on opening her own private practice in another district of the city; she was constantly taking part in professional development courses. hroughout the interviews she emphasized the significance of professional work as a source of self-fulfillment, she enjoyed talking about her professional plans and ambitions. She did not rule out starting a family but she was postponing it. After a while she admitted to having a steady boyfriend (novio) but she revealed that she had not yet invited him to Tomatlán. Elvira emphasized that she liked children and had a particularly close relationship with her oldest nephew, she was his godmother (madrina) and paid for his afterschool activities. Elvira is considered a free spirit by the rest of the family, she travels a lot, also abroad (she has visited Cuba, 11 he names of my interlocutors have been changed. MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 71 was invited by her elder brothers to visit the USA), she often goes on trips in her own car and takes along not only her mother, but also her sisters’ children. Another one of my interlocutors, 32-year-old Malena was a mid-level state administration employee; she had a legal degree and was still working on raising her qualifications, for example, by taking English language classes. Additionally, on weekends she gave religion lessons to children from the local parish (preparing them for communion and confirmation) and occasionally organized field trips for the youngest parishioners. In Tomatlán everyone considered her a dependable and responsible person. In Malena’s case, a well-paid job, which also ofered possibilities of further professional development, was a source of personal satisfaction but also of constant conlicts with her father. My interlocutor – as the only one of six siblings – was still living with her parents (both her mother’s and her father’s family came from Tomatlán). Her mother supported Malena’s life choices but her father, an “old time macho”, wanted to control his daughter and make her account for the time she spent outside the home. Business trips, or new professional development courses usually provoked conlicts during which her father turned to violence. Malena tried to hide the bruises by applying make-up. My interlocutor’s greatest dream was moving out of the family home and out of Tomatlán, where, in her eyes, people were very “backwards” (la gente sigue siendo ignorante). Even though Malena understood that she would have to face the criticism of her family and of the entire community, she was planning to buy a small apartment in another district. When I asked her about the possibility of starting a family, she replied that remaining in a long-term relationship she would run the risk of repeating the situation she experienced in her parents’ houses. However, she did not rule out the possibility of single motherhood. he third interlocutor, 26-year-old Sandra, was an accountant in a large international corporation and working on completing her master’s degree in economics. Just like other unmarried and childless women in the pueblo, she was still living with her parents. Sandra (a daughter of immigrants from southern Mexico who bought a lot and built a house in Tomatlán in the 1970s) pointed out the hostile, in her eyes, attitude of the native inhabitants of Tomatlán to newcomers. She claimed to feel constant pressure of social control, she was an object of rumors and comments. In light of this she kept repeating the old Mexican proverb “small village, lots of gossip” (pueblo chico, chisme grande). herefore, with the exception of obligations related to mayordomia, which her parents participated in, she did not lead a social life in the pueblo and did not introduce her successive boyfriends to her family. Sandra complained that her mother, even though she was proud of her daughters’ achievements, exerted strong pressure on her. She was worried that her daughter, busy with her professional career, would forget about starting a family at the right time. My interlocutor declared that she wanted to get married and have children but was postponing this decision. Her priorities – at the time of the interview – included completing her studies and achieving financial 72 RENATA E. HRYCIUK independence. She spent a lot of time with the children of her sister, who lived nearby, allowing them to use her computer, taking them to the zoo, the funfair and to Burger King (a favorite hangout for children from Tomatlán). She said that she was not able to help her sister regularly but that no one expected her to help in such a way. She did, however, spend her time and money on the children because she enjoyed their presence (disfrutó de la presencia de los niños). he women I talked to emphasized that the decision to become a mother and enter the social role of mother requires a redefinition of all aspects of a woman’s life (cf: Sánchez Bringas 2003). hey recounted the stories of their older sisters and friends who, after getting married, gave up their studies, devoted themselves to childcare, worked only occasionally and in jobs below their educational level. for women who, from their childhood years, invested their time, energy and savings in education – most of my interlocutors did not celebrate their fifteenth birthday (quinceaños) saving money for computer courses, English language classes, driver’s license or a bank deposit – living out the model of mother-wife would bring about too high a risk of annihilating personal plans and ambitions. More so, as the model of motherhood in the middle class, to which my interlocutors aspired, forces women to take up full-time intensive mothering. he decision to delay motherhood is most likely an efect of an increased feeling of personal autonomy and self-consciousness of the women I interviewed. It is also an element of a well-thought-out strategy, which allows them to achieve their goals. Young women from Tomatlán understand the local construct of motherhood and not only recognize the cultural “blackmail of motherhood” but also create their own defense mechanisms. hey remember that women who want to improve their social status and fulfill their ambitions for reasons other than “the benefit of the family” or “so that the children have a better life” is perceived as an egoist. his explains why the decision to postpone marriage and motherhood – all my interlocutors declared willingness to have children in the future – is motivated by care for the future family: obtaining an education and a solid professional position are all supposed to secure a better future for children. Attaining a higher standard of life is supposed to enable the proper upbringing of children. he women I interviewed repeated that combining mothering, professional work and studying would be relected negatively in the functioning of the family. In the meantime, to avoid accusations of egoism and lack of “maternal instinct”, or to mitigate feelings of guilt and emotional discomfort connected to pressure exerted by the community, my interlocutors manifested their maternal feelings by spending time with the children of their siblings, taking up professions related to nurturing (physician, teacher, psychologist) or volunteering to work with children. When I asked 33-year-old Raul (married, father of three) what he thought about young, educated women who do not start families, he replied that they were “a part of MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 73 the picture” in Tomatlán and called them madres prestadas (“loaned mothers”). He said that women often ask their family members: “Préstame tu hijo” (literally: lend me your child). Parents are glad to “lend” their children not only because it eases their childcare burden but also because of the quality of this care (children do and learn new things, travel, receive help with their homework), not to mention the financial aspect of this arrangement (madres prestadas usually finance the purchase of new clothing, school supplies). According to my interlocutor, childless women take advantage of all existing opportunities to be with children and compensate for the lack of their own ofspring. As I mentioned, in spite of having their own income, young, educated women still lived with their parents, either of their own free will or due to social pressure. Not all of them were celibate; some tried to maintain a positive image in Tomatlán while leading a social and sexual life outside the pueblo. My interlocutors justified their behavior by avoiding conlict within the family and maintaining good reputations. By living with their parents and not inviting their successive partners into the community, they managed to avoid the powerful tool of gossip (el qué dirán), they retained their “good girl” status (chica de su casa) (cf. Nencel 1996, Arias and Rodríguez 1998, Napolitano 2002, Melhuus 1992). In colonias populares of Mexico City, values, representations and meanings of women’s sexuality are still directly linked to procreation, and therefore to confirming female identity as the identity of a mother. However, in the age of universally available contraception and women’s increased activity outside the home, changes can be noticed in women’s sexual behaviors, leading in the direction of greater personal autonomy and freedom of choosing sexual partners. his explains why the sexuality of unmarried women and single mothers is still highly controlled by family members and by the community (Acura 2005, Rodríguez Dorantes1997, Szasz 1998). he women I interviewed explained that they did not push for legal sanctioning of their relationships, because in Tomatlán marriage is still seen as a preface to motherhood. he pressure to have children becomes evident after only a few months of marriage. A childless marriage is not a desirable family in the pueblo. In light of women’s increased social position, their education and economic independence, the decision to have a baby out of wedlock is becoming more socially accepted. It allows them to avoid complications resulting from marriage and provides them with the possibility to create the most important relationship: a bond with a child. In Tomatlán, similarly to other colonias populares of Mexican cities, single motherhood is becoming more socially accepted. he birth of a child is perceived as a positive change, not only in the life of a woman but also in the life of her family and the entire community. Lack of ofspring is connected to sufering, therefore while the decision to live life without a long-term intimate partner is acceptable, the decision to not have children is incomprehensible (cf. Napolitano 2002, Martin 1990, Melhuus 1992). 74 RENATA E. HRYCIUK Anthropological and sociological research reveals that in Mexico City it is mostly educated and economically independent middle and upper class women who decide to become single mothers. hey forego the participation of a male in the upbringing of ofspring, using the help of nannies, crèches and preschools (Sánchez Bringas 2003). In Tomatlán most single mothers are still teenage high school students who became pregnant accidentally, while older, educated women, that is madres prestadas, do not reject single motherhood as an option for the future. To sum up, young, single, professional woman are aware that they can lead an alternative lifestyle and even obtain a certain level of social prestige, connected to their professional achievements but only under certain conditions. To avoid stigmatization connected with childlessness, they declare willingness to have children, while skillfully taking advantage of the traditional model of shared motherhood, under which more distant female family members share in childcare duties. Madres prestadas ofer “high quality” care and financial support for the children of their relatives. he anxiety connected to their mobility, access to contraception and sexual educations is alleviated when they behave like “good girls” by living with their parents. hey know that life without a man does not stigmatize a woman, but life with a man should lead to starting a family and changes in all aspects of a woman’s life. CONCLUSION Changes in the local construction of femininity, the appearance of space for an alternative lifestyle for childless professional women, are all efects of the ongoing processes of individualization, typical for the newly created middle class originating in the colonias populares of Mexico City. Young, educated women from Tomatlán are consciously thinking of identity strategies and life projects, conquering space for personal autonomy and activitiy in new fields. heir activities consist of working out strategies combining elements of adaptation and resistance to local social conditions. he local model of strong womanhood – supported by possibilities opened up by the state’s gender policies and the support of families, particularly mothers – holds a decisive role for the success of these new projects. Modernizational processes which, among other features, require women to conform to the needs of the modern state are – as Dorothy L. Hodgson (2001) emphasizes – mediated and transformed in the local social-cultural context by actions and attitudes of people of diferent positionalities, Hodgson introduces the term “producing modernity” to describe the variety of forms created through the interpenetration of the global and the local, and also of human agency, creatively and actively combining both processes to create new – historically, culturally and socially conditioned – ways of “being modern”. Mechanisms of “producing modernity” in Tomatlán have led to MADRE PRESTADA? MOTHERING, SINGLENESS AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN URBAN MEXICO 75 the emergence of new, grassroots interpretations that, in a subtle but inevitable way, contest the dominant gender models, discourses and practices. furthermore, these interpretations counter the common belief in cultural conservatism or even the “backwardness” of communities with native (pre-Columbian) pedigrees. BIBLIOGRAPHY A r í a s R o s a r i o, R o d r í g u e z M. 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Z á r a t e v i d a l, M a r g a r i t a 2004, Multiculturalismo, poder y mujeres, [in:] Mujeres y Nacionalismos en América Latina. de la independecia a la nación del nuevo milenio, ed. Natividad Gutiérrez Chong, UNAM, México. Author’s address: Renata Ewa Hryciuk, Ph.D. Institute of Ethnology and Cultural Anthropology Warsaw University ul. Żurawia 4 00-503 Warsaw, POLAND e-mail: r.hryciuk@uw.edu.pl