Last night, I finished watching the last episode of Youth of May. It has left me with this heavy feeling I can't explain (longing? sadness? anger?) that I had to type in on my Notes app all the thoughts that came rushing, hoping this would alleviate what I'm feeling. I woke up today carrying this still, and this dragged on throughout the day, unable to focus on anything. By writing this, I hope that I get to process what I feel better, and to properly safekeep this show in my heart. (Spoilers ahead)
Out of all the characters in this drama, I was rooting for Myeong-hee the most. I was hoping she wasn't the corpse holding the pocket watch shown on the first episode, and until the last episode I kept my hopes up, only to feel upset because all the events led to her eventual death. I didn't want her to die. I wanted to see her arrive home safely as he promised her brother she would do, to finally fulfill her dream of attending university abroad, to be with Hee-tae even just for a bit longer.
I grew attached to her and Hee-tae, and I wanted to see them both happy after everything that has happened to them. Throughout the drama, it was as if the world was against them, but they proved again and again that together they can power through them. This is what I loved about the drama: both Myeong-hee and Hee-tae wanting to take away the pain and sadness from each other, and exchange them with all the happiness that they can provide despite their circumstances. I thought that maybe this is essentially what love is. However, this same reason is also why I found Myeong-hee's death difficult to accept. How does love continue beyond death? How does one take the pain away from another even after they pass away?
The latter half of the finale answered these questions when, years later, Hee-tae has gotten a hold of the pocket watch and letter that Myeong-hee held until her very last breath. I started bawling my eyes out when Hee-tae read her letter which turned out to be actually the prayer Myeong-hee wrote for their pretend wedding before.
In her prayer, all Myeong-hee wanted was to not pass onto the people she loved the sorrow that would arise if anything happens to her. Instead, she prayed for God to give them strength to overcome their troubles. Even until her last few moments, she has been selfless with her wishes. Forty years later, her prayer has been answered as her corpse and letter were discovered, relieving Hee-tae and her family the despair they have carried with them all these years. I'd like to believe that this is how powerful true love is—transcending everything even death, always finding ways to comfort those in pain.
What made this drama even more heartbreaking was the reality it was built on. It was set during the Gwangju Uprising, a monumental movement in South Korea that pushed for the country's liberation from its martial law that violently took thousands of lives, most of which were undocumented. Myeong-hee, despite being fictional, I think is a representation of these undocumented deaths and their aspirations taken unwillfully by the military. If just by watching this drama I felt this immense sadness within me, I can't imagine the greater amount of sorrow that the families, friends, and lovers of the victims were left with. I am wishing that they find comfort, strength, and, more importantly, justice. Should the victims' families get the chance to watch this drama, I hope that they find even just a small amount of relief from Myeong-hee's words and the drama's acknowledgment of their experiences (apparently, some people in South Korea still discredit the efforts of the uprising).
This drama has made a bigger impact on me than what I expected. I started watching this just because of Lee Do-hyun, but I ended up having a hard time letting go because of its story and the reality it represents. It might take me a few more days to fully process everything, but right now I am just thankful that this drama has made me understand better what true love is and how transformative it can be for anyone. The awareness that the show has raised about the Gwangju Uprising is also worth noting. I feel like I am in no position to meddle in this matter as I am not from South Korea, however if you're still reading this entry, I encourage you to read about this movement. One way or another, I hope this can inspire us to fight for a more peaceful world that would allow love to exist fully.
21.10.01
The team I'm in at work collectively decided to take a leave today (or a recharge day as we call it)!
With an extra free day this week, I took today as an opportunity to catch up on my backlogs from my (sole)
freelance project, which I really hope would wrap up soon because I have concluded that making a living out of making websites just maybe isn't for me. I rather prefer to keep crafting websites as my hobby instead.
Anyway as it turned out, my backlogs for this certain project weren't really that huge as I made it seem
and have managed to finish them by the afternoon!
I also started watching Youth of May. I'm
currently on episode 3 and I'm really liking the pace and mood so far.
Had some time as well to finally clean up the junk from my e-mail. Seeing Jessica Dore's latest tarot
offering reminded me that: 1) her book is coming out this month and 2) I haven't touched my deck for
quite a while now. I've been feeling quite disconnected with my self lately and I feel like it's
high time to do some self-reading again.
21.09.30
Just last weekend, I chanced upon 18 Again, a Korean drama loosely based on the Hollywood film
17 Again. Now, if you give me any romcom movie or show recommendations, I know that
there's a 90% chance that I will watch and love them. However, with this series' synopsis, I
thought it
was cute at first (I am a sucker for this subgenre, I suppose), but I then became skeptical of how the
producers
could stretch what originally was a film into 16 hour-long episodes. That didn't stop me from
watching it, though. So when I tried watching the first ep, it wasn't a surprise that I found it
ridiculous because it was very
similar to the film and the humor was... absurd. I thought that maybe I have outgrown these types
of shows. But no, I was wrong.
Three episodes in and I was hooked. Yesterday, I finished the series. It was far better than what I
expected, miles better than the film. I was bawling my eyes out on some, if not most, of the episodes.
If there is anything that I've learned, it's that true love endures.
Yes, there were subplots that I think that the series can do without, and the ending might be too
optimistic for my taste, but it was a great show overall and it's nice to see happy endings once in
a while!
(Lee Do-hyun was a revelation here. He's such a good actor and I'm planning to watch another
series that he stars in haha)
21.08.30
Satisfied with this extended weekend after having finally felt, after a long while, a mild ache in my
back caused by my prolonged stay in bed. Aside from doing the usual chores I do every weekend, I did
nothing “productive” and instead just lazed around. Thankful that I get to experience this kind of
relief again.
My Switch, phone, and laptop were my companions, switching between games (Persona 5; Pokemon Unite) and
TV shows (Ted Lasso; AHS) and movies and TikTok (a mess). And before this weekend ends, attempt to
continue reading Less again. I don’t know, I find the plot and Arthur both interesting and funny enough,
but there’s something about how things are tied together in the book that makes it difficult for me to
become hooked entirely. Or maybe I might be judging this book way too early!
21.06.06
I haven't updated this site for months because... well, I got lost in the wave of things that has
happened in my life. I've made bad decisions along the way (e.g. met with my ex in March; felt like
I went ten steps back), but here I am: still whole, a year older.
This is just a short entry to say that I'm still alive and I am not leaving this site behind. I
won't be delving into what I went through the past five months as much has been written in my
notebook, but what I will say is that life is slowly becoming more hopeful again. I'm starting my
new job in a month, recently tried reconnecting with old friends (and the bittersweet feeling that came
with the realization that things are never what once was), the second season of I Told Sunset About
You premiered last week, started playing Animal Crossing, and I've finally found the time
to complete the update of this site!
21.01.31
Lately I rekindled my love for SEVENTEEN. Since last year, I somehow stopped actively tuning in to their
activities and releases because 1) their recent title tracks haven't been appealing to me (or so I
thought), and 2) this would sound absurd, but the news about their agency merging with B*ghit turned me
off. But seeing more clips of them lately, I decided to try listening to their songs and watch their
variety shows again. And good Lord have I realized how much I miss them.
I'm reminded how great their chemistry as a group is, and how you can always feel their strong bond
whenever you watch them. My supreme love for Seungkwan and Vernon is still the same, but Wonwoo
has also been catching my attention as well. I mean look at him:
Their 2015-2017 releases still remain superior to me but their recent album, Semicolon, contains
interesting b-sides. I like "AH! LOVE" the most.
If you're looking for something light and funny to watch, give
their series a try! I haven't watched all of the episodes yet as of this writing, but
binge-watching it has really made my weekend.
21.01.16
Lately I have been practicing/correcting the way I type. This was mostly prompted by my recent purchase
of my first ever mechanical keyboard, but it's also because it has just dawned on me that,
for the longest time, I have only been typing using two or three fingers! I have been using Monkeytype
for a few days now to familiarize my hands again with this device I thought I had already fully grasped.
One exercise that that site has is to type in random quotes from various sources, and one excerpt taken
from Bill Waterson's
commencement speech surprisingly struck me:
Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and
activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise
children is considered not to be living up to his potential-as if a job title and salary are the
sole measure of human worth. You'll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep
climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you're doing. There
are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you'll hear about them.
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll
be happier for the trouble.
This pretty much summed up what I have been feeling about the whole adult talk about "career"
and "long term goals" in life. I can't and don't want to see myself "climbing the
ladder," and would just rather be a "flake" as I use my paycheck to afford myself more
time and space to fully discover the greater purpose of my life.
21.01.10
This weekend has been fruitful. Aside from having this website updated after more than a year, I also had
the chance to clean up and decorate my desk. It turned out better than I expected. My favorite aspect of
it would probably be how the lamp I recently bought warmly light up the objects on my desk at night.
Somehow, everything feels closer to home.
Currently, I am enjoying watching Strangers on Netflix. It revolves around a prosecutor solving a murder
case that is larger in scale than what it seems. If you have time, go watch it as well. :D
