In my college American poetry class we had to do memorized readings of three poems, one of the ones I chose was Langston Hughes’ “Weary Blues” because I’d already built a dramatic performance of it in high school.
This was an interesting college class because it was tiny (16 students at the start of the quarter, 12 at the end) and because it was *poetry* a lot of people in the class fudged the readings and did them the day of class, which meant that they weren’t really prepared to discuss them. After two excruciating classes in a row where I was the only person ready to discuss the readings (in the second class I literally had to sit on my hands to keep myself from trying to speak after the professor said “Alli cannot answer for the rest of the hour, somebody else say something” and then nobody did for another ten minutes of the most awkward silence I have ever encountered), the professor brought in lyric sheets for “Summertime” from Porgy and Bess.
He started the class with our normal written quiz, then asked who was ready to talk. I was, because of course I was, but nobody else raised their hands.
“If you’re not going to talk, then you’re going to sing,” he said, and handed out lyrics to everyone. “We are all adults, and we have an adult agreement that you will read the assignments and be prepared to discuss them, and I will lead discussions and teach you about the readings. You are not holding up your end of the agreement like adults, so I’m treating you like children, and your participation for the last three classes will not be based on your quizzes - which is good news for a lot of you - but on doing a sing-along today. So I’m going to sing this first, then we’re going to sing it five times together, and then we’re going to talk about the song together, and you are going to do your readings before my next class or I am going to be handing out more lyrics and we’ll sing another song together like kindergartens.”
That class is why the four students who dropped did so, but everyone who stayed was prepared for discussions for the rest of the quarter.
Anyway, that was before our second poetry presentation so by that point I’d already sung with these people and had no shame, so i decided I was going to actually sing the singer’s part in “Weary Blues.”
I recorded it on my phone and asked my friend Lindsey, who was in the class and happened to be a choir director, to listen to it and tell me if it sounded terrible. She said that it did not and asked if I had any vocal training and I said no and she said “you should join a choir” and i felt very flattered and continued practicing and memorizing the poem.
We had to give critiques of each person’s performance, and most people were generally polite like you normally would be when giving feedback, but apparently one young woman was still pissed at me for being a suck-up and doing the assigned readings.
“First of all i couldn’t even pay attention to the rest of the poem because you sound like a man. I think singing was a weird choice and singing like a man made it impossible for me to take your reading seriously” and i was a bit surprised (so were other people) but simply said “thank you, that’s good to know, i was trying to sound like a man because the speaker in the poem describes the singer as a man, it’s good to know i hit that mark” and we moved on.
Lindsey and the professor both checked in on me at the end of class, Lindsey to say “practice made that sound really really really good you should join a choir” and the professor to say “i was leery when you asked to sing part of your poem, i don’t usually allow that but I’m glad i did” and both to ask if I was upset by the other student’s comments.
I was not upset. Mentally i was jumping up and down and doing backflips and was bummed because the other student was probably just being mean and didn’t actually think my voice sounded masculine.
But now I’m finding videos with titles like “is that my mom or a dude? Learning about the contralto range” and I’m like haha wait yeah, gender euphoria is stored in the vocal cords.