• endless lull
• bed
• come back to bed darling
• reoccurring dreams
• reoccurring Schemes
• gardens grew backwards
• rememories
• infinite body
• exploding clocks
• loofa
• moss
• words
• small sounds
• small feelings
• shadows
• nighttime

• Harold and Maude
• The Science of Sleep
• Gummo
• The Royal Tenenbaums
• The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
• Amélie

• Al Columbia
• Aidan Koch
• Theo Ellsworth
• Amber Seegmiller
• Amanda Konishi
• Nolan Reiter
• Cat Lauigan
• Julia Gfrörer
• Kyle Parker
• Reneé French
• Tony Millionaire
• Claudio Romo
• Lauren Albert
• S. Dimovskas

So, here's the deal:

• I like boys.
• And I like girls.
• And I like people who are gender neutral.
• And I don't feel like I should have to make a very deliberate effort to "come out."
• I don't have any desire to make an announcement or a declaration.
• I don't have any desire to lable myself as "bisexual" or "pansexual" or anything because it's something that I think can change and develop over time.
  • But I guess I identify as queer.
• I feel like I should just be able to like whoever I want and not have it be questioned.
• I'm frustrated that people feel that they can assume that I'm straight just becaus...

• problems
• not talking
• a stolen glance
• assumptions
• confusion
• exhaustion
• secrets
• fake
• creeping creepy creepers
• discomfort
• broken boundaries
• and fear
• and exclusion and
• exclusive meetups
• and abandoned limbs
• and forfeited plans
• and utter emptiness

There is too much happening. I'm thinking a lot and feeling a lot and I am purple inside.

Tonight is hard.

• cats
• flowers
• hair
• kids
• hands
• noise
• trees
• sky
• clouds
• rain
• light
• smoke
• sand
• people
• moons

• pomegranate
• cross section of a pinecone(right forearm)
• bird
• honey bee
• field guide illustrations of many plants and flowers
• flower færie
• ∞ (maybe...)
• "OM NOM NOM"(inside of lower lip)
• Praying Mantis (field guide illustration style)
• a little bunch of flowers/feathers/ferns tied together by ribbon behind my ear/on my neck?
• roots
• herbs
• moon
  

• I love Sex and the City.
• I have a deep appreciation for light.
• I want to go four days without sleeping.
• I always feel really satisfied and proud when my knees are scraped up.
• I love dead things.
• I want to be domestic and be able to make things myself. i.e. woven belts, candles, beaded belts, woven baskets, wooden boxes, macrame...
• I feel like a lady when I paint my nails red and wear red lipstick.
• I like that he is a little bit religious. Even if I don't believe in anything beyond the earth and stars and science. He believes in God, and I do not, and this makes me feel like I am child when I am with him.
• I used to be a sad person.
• Every single night for the past 8 days I have gotten really really anxious about m...

• Lord of the Flies

William Golding

• A Clockwork Orange

Anthony Burgess

• The Illustrated Man

Ray Bradbury

• Stargirl

Jerry Spinelli

• The Bell Jar

Sylvia Plath

• things that are meaningless mean everything to me
• things that are meaningful
  • I don't know how to accept them
  • I don't process them the right way
    • mean nothing to me

• What I thought was plenty of time before I leave is not at all plenty.
• I'M LEAVING? WHAT? WHAT?
• I have chosen to leave. I know it is the right thing for me, but the change is still really fucking overwhelming.
• I have to say goodbye to people.
• I have never had to say goodbye to people in my life.
• I am the one leaving.
• I am never the one leaving. Now I feel like the only one leaving.
• I have to plan the last time I am going to see so many people for a long time.
• I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I AM SO OVERWHELMED.
• I value my friends so much.
• WHY DID ALL OF THIS NOT HIT ME UNTIL TODAY?

• MAH FURRZ
  • one day I decided
  • I am Iranian,
  • therefore I am furry.
  • WHY FIGHT IT?
  • ~*!*~
  • furry legs
  • furry armpits
  • freedom of expression on eyebrows depending on how I feel/how lazy I am...
  • :{>
• Looking in the glass door to the porch, feeling like I was looking at a hologram of myself or a portal to my other self like a Sabrina the Teenage Witch Episode. Uhm...
• repeatedly assuring myself that as soon as I receive my mattress from home that I will get my sleep schedule under control and learn how to dream again...

• "Maybe one day your lives will become perpendicular. You'll meet again in some glorious by-chance way & you will both be farmers and live perfect lives together...That's sort of what I'm counting on as well."
  • The girl who said this is one of the most beautiful beings.
• "the other day i felt like there was this blueish greyish thing fluctuating around me, and it was like a slow wave that collapsed around on itself even though i couldnt see the ends of it, i knew it was curling in towards itself..."
  • lost conversations
• "Mitra, you look like summer."
  • Nolan

• lavender
• grey
• wonderful
• leaves
• please
• sea
• level
• moss
• lips
• wood
• grain
• bed
• sleep
• flowers
• floral
• el cielo
• el sandía
• sand
• hand
• mittens
• honeydew

• bare hills
• dirt hills
• cows on hills
• grassy hills
• some kind of yellow grass hills
• pretty yellow hills that looked furry
• one hill in particular that was probably 100 feet away from us whose tip-top was nearly cut off by the top of our windshield
  • It was just strange because I didn't notice it until it was right in front of us and it just looked so large.
• yellow grassy hills with some green patches and cows (there was one horse)
• yellow grassy hills with scattered trees
• yellow grassy hills with thick clusters of trees
• forest-like hills, but with desert trees

• In the north, I saw a cliff above the sea. The trees grew into it so seamlessly that there were no longer the separate entities of cliff and tree, but only an abstract combination of the two.
• The way dandelions (the yellow ones) grow freely in Northern California. People don't ever cut them down like they do here. They grow like wild stars on lawns. Like fireflies.
• When we were driving to Seattle my eyes locked on a particular row of fir trees, glorious in their hugeness. As we passed, their leaves, twigs, and dressings made them look like they had adorned themselves in enchanting tree-dresses.

• all of July 29th and 30th 2010
  • the hushed conversations
  • the accidents
  • the tip-toeing
  • the relating
  • the secret-telling
  • the sunrise
  • the morning sky
  • the perfect girl
• the time I went with Nolan and Jared to the drive/sit in movie
  • Rocky
  • Sonic
  • cool little stores
  • farmers market
  • borrowing boy sweaters
  • "Nice to meetchya, Mitra!"
  • getting walked to my dad's car by 3 boys (all of whom were taller than him)