To call Nicolas Cage's performance in Vampire's Kiss "bad" is missing the point. Cage is not bad in this. He is uncorked with all his Cageness spewing all over the set. He's a total lunatic. Pulling wild faces, spinning into fits of unpredictable rage, pointing, screaming, running, jumping on desks, carrying around planks of wood, chattering fake vampire teeth in his ridiculous mouth. A mere description of Cage's performance could never do it justice. It is one of the greatest,…
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The Boxer's Omen 1983
The Boxer's Omen is pure madness on celluloid! I can't thank Chris Purdie enough for recommending this to me. This is everything I could ever want in a film. Here is a paragraph of some things you'll see in The Boxer's Omen because my brain can't construct proper sentences at the moment...
Violent kickboxing. Bolo Yeung's disproportioned body. Buddhist monks fighting demons. Spiders (that make the spiders from The Beyond look awesome) drinking liquid poison from tiny straws. Conversations with…
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Day of the Dead 1985
From teen to middle-age, I always considered Dawn of the Dead my favourite of Romero's original trilogy. But now I'm thinking... maybe Day trumps it? Day of the Dead holds a special place in my heart. I bought it on VHS. I saw it before Dawn. It was one of the earliest films to get me into proper vicious horror—my transition from the gentle joys of Hammer. I watched it over and over and over throughout high school. Yet, as…
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Aliens vs. Titanic 2017
Much, much hornier than I expected.
I was expecting that Aliens vs. Titanic—or Predator World or whatever else you know it as—was going to be more of a shitty mockbuster, an Alien / Titanic mash-up. For better or worse, it's pretty much its own thing. Constant throbbing boners, weird alien sex, exploding boobs, porn stars, and upsettingly awful CGI aliens, this is a deeply strange and gross film. Though it is rotten, it never hits a Dustin Ferguson-like rock bottom.…
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Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters 1985
Since moving to Japan, I've discovered that Yukio Mishima is still, to this day, a sore subject. In casual conversation about Japanese authors or in the classroom, the moment I mention Mishima an uncomfortable silence settles over the room. I've learnt not to mention my love of Spring Snow and The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea. I get the tension. Mishima was a brilliant writer, but an unbelievably problematic person. Politically, he stands against everything I believe…
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Conquest of the Planet of the Apes 1972
I love how each Apes sequel tries something new. Conquest of the Planet of the Apes is not perfect, but the cruel future (1991, where apes are kept as enslaved pets in place of cats and dogs, made extinct in a plague) it presents is very effective. This is a violent film (see the unrated version). The scenes of action and carnage are rather disturbing at times, particularly the final explosive minutes. Roddy McDowall is given the spotlight in this…
