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Beetlejuice

From Wikiquote

Beetlejuice is a 1988 horror comedy film about two recently-deceased ghosts who enlist the help of a "bio-exorcist", Beetlejuice, to help remove a new family from their old house. It was followed by 2024 sequel Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.

Directed by Tim Burton. Written by Michael McDowell, Warren Skaaren. Story by Michael McDowell and Larry Wilson.
In This House... If You've Seen One Ghost... You Haven't Seen Them All. taglines

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

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  • [reading obituary] Ooh-la-la, what have we got here? The Maitlands. [laughs] Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too! [more laughing]
  • Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.[1]
  • Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!
  • I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
  • YOU BUNCHA LOSERS!!! YOU'RE WORKIN' WITH A PROFESSIONAL HERE!!! [kicks over a tree; quietly observes it for a moment] NICE FUCKIN' MODEL!!!! [grabs his crotch and squeezes it twice with a bike horn sound]
  • Attention, K-Mart shoppers!
  • Thank you. Thank you. That, is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe, I won't.
  • Well...what do we got here tonight, kids? [sees the Maitlands] Oooo, well, we got the, uh, Maitlands. Uh, I think, uh, they've had enough "exorcise" for tonight. [mimes a golf swing and the Maitlands fall onto the floor]
  • [to Otho] Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs! [Kisses Otho on the cheek and laughs]
  • We come for your daughter, Chuck.
  • Nobody says the "B" word.
  • It's showtime!
  • [calmly] Ah, well, I attended Juilliard, I am a graduate of the Harvard Business School, I travel quite extensively, I lived through the Black Plague and I had a pretty good time during that, [getting aggressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTIN' FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKIN' TO A DEAD GUY! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! [calmly] You think I'm qualified?
  • [after his head spins] Don't you hate it when that happens?
  • I'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow, so come on down and I'll...chew on a dog! [howls]
  • [last lines; talking to a witch doctor] Pardon me. [referring to Harry the Hunter] Did you do that? Nice work. Lemme ask you somethin'. How do you get 'em so small? [Distracting the witch doctor] There goes Elvis! Yo, King! [witch doctor looks away, he switches his ticket with witch doctor's] Well, looks like I'm next. Good thing, too. (

[as the witch doctor gets some powder] I've gotta do a photoshoot for GQ in about an hour and a half. They've been after me for months. Doin' some kinda underwear deal. I don't know what... [annoyed with having his ticket being switched, witch doctor sprinkles shrinking powder on him] Whoa, hey! What are you doin'? Stop it. You're messin' up my hair. C'mon! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Whoa! This might be a good look for me.

Lydia Deetz

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  • My whole life is a darkroom. [slowly, for effect] One. Big. Dark. Room.
  • [realizing that Adam and Barbara are ghosts] The funeral. God. You guys really are dead.

Delia Deetz

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  • Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I WILL GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!!!

Otho Fenlock

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  • [about Beryl] Don't mind her. She's still upset because someone dropped a house on her sister.

Adam Maitland

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  • We're ghosts!

Barbara Maitland

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  • Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

Dialogue

[edit]
Adam: Barbara, I don't think we survived that crash.
Delia: I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here?
Lydia: I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.
Delia: This is our first meal in this house, so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one?
Charles: Don't bait your mother, Pumpkin. As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement.
Lydia: My whole life is a darkroom. One. Big. Dark. Room.
Delia: So you were miserable in New York City, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
Lydia: [on the new house] Delia hates it. [sees a huge spider on a web] I could live here.
Charles: Pumpkin, sweetheart... [kisses her and forces her out his study room] Go help your mother.
Lydia: Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't. [leaves the room]
Juno: What's wrong?
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.
Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: [under the bedsheets] We're ghosts!
Lydia: What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?
Adam: Night of the what?
Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.
Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared outta my wits.
Adam: You can see us without the sheets?
Lydia: Of course I can see you.
Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'Live people ignore the strange and unusual'. I, myself, am strange and unusual.
Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.
Adam: You've read our book?
Lydia: Yeah.
Adam: You can follow it?
Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom?
Adam: We were trying to scare your mother.
Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.
[Adam and Barbara are in the model seeking Beetlejuice's assistance in getting the Deetzes out of their house]
Adam: For instance, uh, what are your qualifications?
Beetlejuice: [refined voice] Ah, well...I attended Juilliard...I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. [getting progressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTIN' FUNNIER EVERY... SINGLE...TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKIN’ TO A DEAD GUY! [screams] NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! [quietly] You think I'm qualified?
Adam: Uh, what I meant is, can you be scary?
Beetlejuice: Oh! I didn't know what you were askin' me. Can I be scary? What do ya think of this? [shows a hideous face to the Maitlands that only shows tentacles from the sides to audience; both Adam and Barbara scream; back to normal] You like it?
Barbara: [about the whorehouse (Dante's Inferno) in the model] Adam, why did you build that?
Adam: I didn't.
[Adam and Barbara are transported to Juno's office in the Neitherworld where Juno is talking to the dead football players who think that Juno is their coach]
Juno: [to the football players] Will you guys shut up and leave me alone? I've got all this paperwork to do. [to the Maitlands] You two, come in. Sit down. Get in here, both of ya! The whorehouse was my idea. I want Beetlejuice out of the picture! You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook!
Adam: When?
Juno: [rolls her eyes] Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death.
Dumb Football Player: Coach? Coach, where's the men's room?
Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived.
Very Dumb Football Player: Wait, Coach. Let me get somethin’ straight. What's our curfew around here?
Juno: Will you get outta here?! Go on, get downstairs! "Men's room" - are ya kidding? Can't you read signs? [to Adam and Barbara] I’ll be right back.
[They come back into the office later]
Dumb Football Player: Coach?
Juno: What?
Dumb Football Player: I don't think we survived that crash.
Juno: How did ya guess?
Lydia: They don't wanna come down.
Delia: Charles...
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is, is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
Lydia: Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?
Beetlejuice: [laying on a lounge chair on the balcony of Dante's Inferno] Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.
Lydia: Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
Beetlejuice: No, I mean they're gone, split, outta here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh.
Lydia: Are you a ghost too?
Beetlejuice: I'm the ghost with the most, babe. [gets up from his lounge chair] Y'know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get outta here, y'know, 'cause I gotta tell ya: this dead thing is- [picks up and eats a beetle from the ground] -it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem; I got these friends on the outside I said I'd meet, y'know, and it's the kinda thing I have to be there in person, y'know, so I was just wondering...could you help me get outta here?
Lydia: [sighs sadly] I wanna get in.
Beetlejuice: [genuinely confused] Why?...Y'know, hey, you probably got your reasons. I can't do anything from here. If you could get me out', over there, then maybe we could talk or somethin'. But y'know, in order to do that, you gotta say my name 3 times.

About Beetlejuice

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  • I wanted him to be pure electricity, that's why the hair just sticks out. At my house I started creating a walk and a voice. I got some teeth. I wanted to be scary in the look and then use the voice to add a dash of goofiness that, in a way, would make it even scarier. I wanted something kind of moldy to it, too. Tim had the striped-suit idea and we added the big eyes. I think that movie will go forever because it's 100% original.

Taglines

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  • In This House... If You've Seen One Ghost... You Haven't Seen Them All.
  • He's guaranteed to put some life, in your afterlife.
  • Say it once... Say it twice... But we dare you to say it THREE TIMES!
  • The name in laughter from the hereafter.

Cast

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References

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  1. ↑ https://doyouremember.com/43467/9-favorite-beetlejuice-quotes
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