Al Cant Hang Lives

Al Cant Hang called me from St. Martin to get the Eagles score. They polished off four bottles of So-Co in record time. He's alive and well. This concludes today's Al Cant Hang update... approved of course by Al Cant Hang.


In case Al Cant Hang doesn't come back, he blogged his Will...

In the event of a terrible accident...

To Scott, I leave all my bottles of Southern. I think a Texan should be able to make proper us of my stash.

To Pauly, I leave my actual blog. He already has 10,689 blogs. What's one more?

To BoyGenius, I leave our semi-weekly game with Lewey. That should build the bankroll nicely or drive you crazy. Not sure which would come first.

To Iggy, I leave my bankroll. Apparently he'll need it according to some low life anonymous commenter on his site. Idiots. Oh, don't get me going about anonymous commenters. Iggy > everyone.

To Halverson, I leave you Minnesota. It's not mine to give, but you can have it. Hey, at least the Gourds played there. I don't even think they know that Philly exists.

To HDub, I leave my incredible poker skills. Actually, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I take it back.

To the Amish kid down the road, I leave my liver.

To Landow, I leave a clue.

I feel sorry for the Amish kid.

Las Vegas Poker Bloggers Tourney: Dec. 11



Vegas anyone?

Thanks to the Poker Prof and Dick from Buy It in Vegas for their help in helping me organize another leg on the WPBT and the first live poker bloggers tournament to be held in a Las Vegas casino! The buy in is $50 (with $5 per player going to the dealer toke).

What: WPBT Holiday Classic
When: Saturday, Dec. 11th at 1pm PCT
Where: Sam's Town Casino, Las Vegas, NV
Buy in: $45 + $5 dealer toke
The Game: No Limit Texas Hold'em

In less than six weeks, I'm making my seasonal December trip to Vegas with Derek to play poker and gamble on the NFL. We came up with an idea of trying to find a casino to let us have a private table or even a private tournament. The Poker Prof suggested I contact Dick since he's the poker room manager at Sam's Town and a fellow blogger from Buy It in Vegas. Dick wrote me back and said we're good to go for a Saturday afternoon tournament on December 11th at 1pm. However, we have to limit the tourney to three tables... or 30 person max. That's why with a few exceptions, this is only open to bloggers. Please contact me as soon as possible if you'd like to play. Registration is on a first come, first served basis... and there aren't too many spaces left.

Dick said he could throw in some "door prizes" to the pool. The Poker Prof informed me that Charlie Shoten was interested in playing with us as one of the celebrity guests and hanging out before or afterwards to offer up a seminar/Q & A session. Felicia recently had a great write up about Charlie Shoten.

Anyway... if you're a blogger and wanna play, shoot me an email. I have about 15 spots available. I'm sure we'll be having some other prizes (bottles of SoCo) and bounties (Hilton Sisters).

40 Days until Vegas. Can't wait. Visit the Poker Grub for more info on the next online poker bloggers tournament The Grublog Poker Classic II.

Poll Results: Kerry's a Winner; Bush's a Poker Buddy

"It's not the people who vote that count.
It's the people who count the votes." - Joseph Stalin

Thanks to everyone who participated in the polls. In a closer race than I expected, Kerry edges out Bush. Here's the raw data.

Total Votes (182)
Kerry 86
Bush 66
Nader 13
Badarnik 3
NOT VOTING 18

With voting held on three of my blogs, there were over 182 American voters. I had to throw out the responses from folks who insisted they were not going to vote. On the Tao of Pauly, Kerry beat Bush 23 to 11, or by a 2 to 1 margin. However on the Tao of Poker, Bush only lost to Kerry by a smaller margin; 86 to 66. Those numbers sounded more accurate. With a bigger sample to poll from, the Tao of Poker appeals to a larger demographic... with more voters scattered throughout the country, but with a significant number of more readers from the South and Midwest. Whereas the Tao of Pauly's readers are an eclectic bunch of open minded people from all walks of life centralized in the East Coast, California, and college towns (excluding Canada and Europe). The gender breakdown is more even on the Tao of Pauly with slightly more females readers than guys. I don't have the exact numbers but due to the heavy content of gambling and poker on the Tao of Poker, I'm sure that only small percentage of readership are women. The numbers from my polls pretty much matched up with national averages. Men are more likely to vote for Bush along with people in a higher income bracket. Married voters with kids tend to vote more conservative than single voters in their 20s.

Scary Trends

I was disturbed by the number of people who admitted they were not voting or voting for third party candidates... almost 18% of the total votes cast. An alarming number of these people live on the West Coast and in New York. And then throw in all those folks who read the sites and the poll... but chose not even to participate. Are those the same folks who fall into the 50% of Americans who do not vote?

In the extremely important swing states, Kerry took Pennsylvania and won Florida by one vote. They tied Ohio and Wisconsin. Bush took Michigan and Missouri, while he posted big numbers in the South. Florida and Ohio are the two biggest states in my eyes. Whoever wins those electoral votes will be President. And I'm not the only one who think so. More money is being spent on television ads in those two states than all the other states combined.

Although California and New York were won by Kerry easily, it was also the two states where Nader got his most support. In addition, that was where the highest number of people suggested they were not going to vote at all. Do New Yorkers have a higher bullshit detector than most folks and don't trust either guy?

Overseas

My blogs are read all over the world and I got some valuable feedback. A friend from England was the sole Bush supporter... which falls in line with Great Britain as one of our few solid allies behind the Bush Junta. My Canadian and Northern European readers expressed a sincere interest in Kerry. A response from a friend in Japan really made me think. Here's what a 20-something Japanese woman had to say:

If I am an American, I will vote for Kerry because I hate Bush. But I also don't believe Kerry. I like America and I like American people but they (politicians) make your country bad. I think it is very important decision. I cannot decide it because I'm Japanese. The future is in your hands. So I just hope the world will be good.

A simple message from the other side of the world told me that there are a lot of people paying attention to next Tuesday and understand the significance of everyone's vote or non-vote. And it's sad that more non-Americans have a better grasp on American politics than the guy sitting next to you on the subway or the dude behind the bar of your favorite drinking establishment.

I don't care who you vote for... just go out and do it.

Poll II

The second poll (Who would you rather invite to your home poker game? Bush or Kerry?) was my favorite. I only held voting on the Tao of Poker. Make sure you read the comments thread. There are some hilarious answers from my fellow poker bloggers.

The results are a shocker. Bush won by a landslide. Everyone would rather have Dubya sitting in your kitchen drinking beers, playing cards, and telling knock knock jokes. I guess that's part of the reason why some many undecided voters end up voting for Bush. he has a likeable quality, that despite his politics, you can sit down and have a conversatin with the guy. He's flawed and that makes him more real... more like one of the guys... than Kerry, who often appears stiff and overtalks like a two-bit preacher with that cheesy used car salesman's smile.

My readers have spoke. Send Kerry to the White House and let Bush play in your home games.

Who do I think is going to win? I'm calling for another overtime! Just like 2000 and Bush will lose the popular vote, but still win narrow victories in big states like Florida and Ohio to put him over the top. I put my money on Bush the second I woke up on 9.12.01 and I'm still waiting to cash that ticket.

Who am I voting for? Not Kerry. If you asked him to flip a coin and pick heads or tails, you know he'd say both, then take your quarter. There's no way I'd vote for Bush. I'm going with Nader, a safe vote in pro-Kerry NY, unless that Marijuana Reform Party candidate sways my vote with a last minute session.

Thanks again for your participation.

Last Thursday at Foxwoods

"Poker is about folding hands that don't have a good chance of winning." - The Poker Penguin

I was spending a few days in Naragansett, RI. My buddy Senor took the day off so we could hang out and go play a round of golf. The weather wasn't holding up so we opted for a run to Foxwoods instead. Senor's a busy guy getting his MBA while working full time and with a 11 month old kid at home. The guy never has time for poker so he was super excited to play $4/8 at Foxwoods with me! A lot had changed since he last gambled at the poker room. Management moved the low limit stud tables to the front of the poker room and the entire room was filled with hold'em tables and higher limit stud and Omaha tables. Senor lived less than 40 minutes away and we were seated immediately but at different tables by 10am.

I have to remind you that this was last Thursday... just 10 hours after the Red Sox stormed back to defeat the Yankees. I was behind enemy lines, the lone Yankees fan amid a sea of Red Sox fans. And of course the majority of the table chatter was involved one of two topics; 1. The Red Sox and the World Series or 2. How much the Yankees sucked. Yeah, I never had more fun at a poker table.

$4/8 Hold'em. I bought in for $200. I was the youngest guy at the table. The guy in Seat 9 looked just like Ernest Hemingway. He was gambling like Papa on a belly full of whiskey seeing any flop. The guy next to him reminded me of Ron Jeremy, except he had his clothes on and he was wearing a Red Sox hat. His stack went up and down more than Monica on Bubba Clinton's Presidential member. Hemingway was a rock compared to that clown. The reason I spoke about these guys was obvious. Those fuckers bad beat'd me on the river.


11:00am EST... -24. I played super tight the first hour. I wanted to take it easy and get a read on the players before I went after any pots. Getting shitty cards helped. I played one hand out of the blinds, raising the pot in LP when AsJs and folded when all diamonds hit.

Noon EST... -80. I checked on Senor and he started out hot and fizzled. I saw a few flops with small pairs and I hit a flop with A10o in the LB. The flop: A-10-8. I checked-raised and Hemingway raised me with QJ! I raised back. A rag fell on the turn I fired out, he raised, I reraised and he capped. The river: K. I checked he bet and I just called because I had a feeling he hit a big hand... a Broadway straight. Oh, the other guy who stayed in... had 10-8o!

1pm EST... -122. The friggin Hilton Sisters screwed me at the same time Ron Jeremy was irking the table eating chicken fingers and talking to people on the rail, when he should have been paying attention to the action. I raised in EP with QQ and got five callers. The flop: J-7-4. Turn: 5. River: 4. What did he have? 2-4o.

2pm EST +20... I won my first huge pot of the session to break even. It involved two players... Hemingway and a loose kid who joined the table twenty minutes earlier and quickly blew his $200 buy in. He barely had a short stack. I had the Hilton Sisters again and I were playing them fast. I opened up the betting preflop with a raise, the kid reraised, and Hemingway bumped it up to cap it out... and five players total in the pot. The flop: Q-J-3. I checked thinking that I was going to get a lot of action with whoever had JJ. The kid threw the rest of chips and he was all in. Hemingway bet, everyone else folded, I raised and he called. We were going heads up for a side pot. The turn: K. That was a scary card. I bet, he raised and I reraised. He called which made me feel somewhat safe. I was hoping the board would pair so I could escape with a full boat just in case one of the two hit a straight. The turn: K. I had the nuts and check-raised Hemingway who called with Big Slick. I didn't know why he didn't raise there. But I got lucky on the river. The kid had A-10s and hit a Broadway Straight on the turn. Pissed, he stormed off in Hellmuthian fashion. It felt good to slowly scrape of a pile of yellow chips and organize them into several columns, twenty high. I played a few more orbits and finished down $15. I left when Senor wanted to grab lunch. He had a down session dropping a little over $100.

We grabbed some chicken fingers and fries and discussed the second half of our session. he was going to sit at the lower limit stud tables and relax while I waited for the various satellites for different World Poker Finals events. I finally got called for an Act II satellite. $150 single table (10 person) NL. First place won a seat in the Act II ($1000+), second and third got their money back for a free roll into a second Act II.

The players:
Seat 1: Hipster Sox fan wearing Johnny Damon Jersey
Seat 2:
Seat 3:
Seat 4:
Seat 5:
Seat 6: Pauly
Seat 7: Loud Mouth Table Captain
Seat 8:
Seat 9:
Seat 10: Bald guy who looked like George Costanza

I'm only giving names to those folks because that's who I really played against. Within the first two levels, the game went from a full ten to 6 handed. A few hands later, it was four handed and we played for almost an hour.

Level 1: Starting out with T1000, I limped in EP with JJ and folded when two overcards hit the flop. After a few hands, I got a feel for the table and treated this tourney just like a Party Poker SNG. I was going to wait for a good hand in the early levels and let everyone knock each other out early, while attempting to study the stronger players... picking up on obvious tells and moving on to discovering the more subtle ones. I look at hands and nostrils... how are they breathing? And in what manner do they pick up their chips to bet?

Level 2-3: I didn't see much paint and folded both my weak aces at a very loose table. I let the maniacs knock each other out.

Level 4: I was short stacked and moved all in in EP with 10-10. I won a race with AJ and knocked out my first guy of the day. The game was four handed. And the table captain was raising everyone's blinds. I was hoping for any marginal hand, because I wanted to call. The one time I had a small pair, the hipster on the button moved all in for a re-steal and I folded. He flashed the Hilton Sisters as he picked up the blinds.

Level 5: Shortstacked I moved all in with J10s in EP. Everyone called (roughly 2x the BB). I flopped a flush! And tripled up to over T2100! I moved all in with A9s in EP trying to steal the blinds and George Costanza called with Big Slick. I got up and put on my blazer. The table captain, in his thick Boston accent, "Wear ya going? That 9 is still alive!" I pushed in my seat as the flop was unfurled and there was a 9! To make insult to injury I hit my trips on the river and doubled up.

Level 6: With 66 in the BB and the shortstack, the hipster moved all in the LB. I pushed all in thinking we'd have a race and a coin flip situation. He flipped over 99. I was toast and bubbled out. 4th place. Costanza and the Table Captain were regulars and had been playing several of these 4150 satellites a week and admitted that our game was one of the toughest and longest. I had nothing to compare to aside from 2003 satellites. Oh well.

Senor had been sweating me for a few levels. He won a few bucks playing $1-5 Stud and admitted that he's going to stick to playing Stud. Felicia would be happy to hear that. It was a decent session. Down $15 playing 4/8 and down $165 overall after finishing 4th in the Act II.

Random Odds and Ends

Felicia and Glenn will be at Foxwoods next week! I will stop by on Thursday for sure to sweat her in the $1000 Stud World Poker Finals event starting at 10am EST.

By the way... thanks to Maudie who came up the cool chip idea for the WPBT!


And if you are looking for this week's update for my fantasy pools (College Football, NFL, and Grid Iron) please visit Pauly's Pub for all your fantasy needs.

Happy Halloween to all you pagans out there. And yes, my Halloween costume will be... everyone's favroite hotel heiress... Paris Hilton. My friend Briana (a.k.a. the elevator button heiress) will be dressing up as Nicky Hilton. I even scored a yapping Chihuahua to stuff in a Luis Vuitton hand bag all night long. I'm almost done with the costume except for the shoes. In case you were wondering, last year I was Hunter S. Thompson.



Lastly, thanks for voting in my polls. I'll let you know the final results in an upcoming post on one of my other blogs. Your answers in the second poll are hilarious. I must say that my fellow bloggers have a great sense of politically based poker humor.

Poll II

Thanks for everyone who helped give me a decent sample of American voters. I'll keep the polls open for another day before I analyze the data for my article. Thanks again.

I have a new poll... this one involves you specifically as poker players.

Who would you rather invite to your home game... Bush or Kerry?

Put all politics aside and be honest, which dude would you not mind sitting in around your kitchen table flinging chips in the pot and kocking back a few cold ones with the Monday Night Football game on in the background for four or five hours. Feel free to leave anonymous comments. You don't have to tell me your state.

And if you haven't voted yet in the first poll, please do so. I shall return to my regularly scheduled poker blogging tomorrow with my Foxwoods write up from last week. I finally discovered my notes!

Pauly's Poli Poll

Help me out folks. I am running a quick poll on all of my blogs about the upcoming election. Please leave your answers in the comments section. I am encouraging anonymous posts. Just leave your pick and the state you live in. (E.G. Bush, Texas or Kerry, New Jersey or Nader, California). This is not an open forum for a political discussion. In fact, all other comments will be deleted from yours truly. If there's something you'd like to discuss, shoot me an email. Otherwise, let's keep this simple.

Who are you going to vote for on Tuesday? Bush, Kerry, or Nader?

Thanks.

Also, thanks to the guys over at Rick's Cafe for this link: Election Scorecard from Slate.com.

Something Completely Different


I had not played at the Blue Parrot since my birthday. There was an event last week, but I skipped last Monday's NL tournament to watch the friggin' Yankees drop Game 5 of the ALCS in extra innings. This week was supposed to be a little different. The buy in was dropped from the usual $100 to $50. The previous games at the Blue Parrot are hyper competitive and the seats are with skilled players from all walks of life. Signor Ferrari was encouraging binge drinking and loose play with an emphasis on a fun night of poker, which included explaining some strategy and different games with some of the other newbie players. Plus, it was Ladies Night at the Blue Parrot. And drunk Pauly saw lots of flops and walked away the big loser. From my first sip of Molson, I went into Gus Hansen mode. From every position I raised with any ace, two suited cards, any paint and any pair. I always defended my blinds to a raise... even with crap. I raised on the button with nothing and jammed the pots whenever I had position. I also got sucked out a few times on and lost a couple of hands in Stud on the river. I was shocked to see that I was down so much. I guess I was having a good time... losing. That's rare.

The Players:
Seat 1: Asphnxma from Riding the F Train
Seat 2: Marie
Seat 3: Signor Ferrari
Seat 4: Julie
Seat 5: Diane
Seat 6: Jon
Seat 7: Pauly

8:15pm EST... The usual limits are $2/4 for rounds of hold'em and Omaha with a $1-5 spread on Stud games. Late nights after 2am, the limits get bumped up to $3/6. Last night, the limits were dropped to $1/2 hold'em and Omaha and .25c/$3 spread for Stud. Jon was a first time participant at the Blue Parrot. His background check with Homeland Security cleared earlier in the day and got the greenlight to play from Tom Ridge and his boys. I had not played with Marie in several months. It was good to hear her lovely British accent at the table which always added a tinge of class to the otherwise lot of degenerate gamblers. Although Julie had played at the Blue Parrot before, this was my first time sitting at a table with her. Regulars Asphnxma and Diane filled the rest of the seats while the beer and red wine flowed steadily.

8:34pm EST... -22. I dropped a pot to Ferrari who river'd me with a straight. I had QJ and flopped top pair. I kept raising and Ferrari called me all the way until he caught runner-runner for his gutshot straight. You know it's going to be a long night when you lose your first hand to running gutshots.

9:03pm EST... -3. After a quick tutorial on the intricacies of Omaha for Julie, Marie called a round of Omaha hi/lo. I saw every flop with crap. Usually I play super tight in Omaha but wanted to at least see the flop for a buck and fold afterwards. I won one pot with A39T.

9:35pm EST... +20. Back to hold'em and I beat out Asphnxma's pocket 55s with ATo. I flopped top pair and he saw me all the way to a river. Normally he would have folded but since it was $1/2 hold'em we kept jamming the pot like we both had AA. By that point, everyone was a little tipsy.

9:46pm EST... Perhaps it could have been the hand of the night? All I know was that the action was capped preflop with raises and reraises. I tried to limp in with J9o. Asphnxma started off the raising fest, followed by Ferrari and Diane's reraises. I foolishly called mumbling something about "pot odds" as I swigged my Molson Golden. The flop: 4-6-4. I bailed out and again the betting was capped. The turn: 5. Ferrari finally got out and I could see from the anguish on Asphnxma's face when he flashed me his cards. He wasn't happy with his high pocket pair. A Jack ht the turn. No help for either players. Diane hit her straight on the turn with 87s while Asphnxma sighed and flipped over his AA. Ouch. Here's his take:

I knew I was beat on the turn, showed Pauly my aces and said "I'm beat", and then called to a river showdown. These would be two running themes of the night: people catching gutshots (or in Pauly's case, the runner-runner Pauly special), and me calling bets when I knew I was beat. I have a tendency to do that, especially with unknown players

9:55pm EST... +36. I hit my first and only rush of the night. During a round of hold'em I was getting plenty of marginal hands and raised everytime I entered a pot winning decent sized pots with K-10 and K9s.

10:15pm EST... +27. Julie pulled off a masterful move bluffing Ferrari out of a pot on the river when a third diamond hit. As soon as the diamond spiked on the river, I blurted out, "The lady hit her flush!" in between long swigs of my Molson... the official Canadian beer of the Tao of Poker. Julie fired out and Ferrari raised her. She played right back and went over the top of him. He quickly folded. She raked in the pot and flipped over her cards. Nothing. Not even one red card!

10:52pm EST... -35. I started bleeding worse than when Tatiana Totmianina knocked her noggin' on the ice the other night. I called three bets preflop with Q6o for fuck's sake and I was drunk, but nowhere near Al Cant Hang drunk and never should have pissed away my chips like my alter ego, that drunken Russian sailor on shore leave in Bangkok, which I thought I killed off, but alas, he resurfaced at the Blue Parrot. I slowly gave all my chips away on a collection of loose calls. During a round of Omaha hi/lo, I found the Hilton Sisters in my four cards for three consecutive times. One hand was brutal. Even with an ace flopping, I called to see the turn... and another Q hit for my set. I saw the hand all the way to the river even with a flush possibility out there and lost to Jon's AA! Set over set. Ouch. The Hiltons were killing me once again. And Julie could have won that pot if she stayed in... she had two little diamonds which was good enough to win the high end of the pot with a flush.

11:01pm EST... -60. I was the big blind with Q6s. Marie raised preflop, Diane reraised and I cold called. The flop: Q-10-Q. I checked my trips, Marie bet, Diane raised, and I reraised, Marie called, Diane reraised to cap, and I called. The turn was an Ace and the betting was capped again. I thought out loud, "Which one of the ladies has the AJ?" The river was a K and I knew I was cooked. I checked, Marie checked, Diane bet and we both called. Marie showed AK and Diane took down the pot with J-10. Again she caught running cards to catch a straight. It was time for my first rebuy. I guess I can't complain, I always want players raising into me with two pair when I have trips.

11:54pm EST... Lots of action preflop. In a $1/2 game with lots of raising, it was not uncommon to see $12-15 in the pot preflop. I knew Julie had a monster hand. Her tell was pretty obvious and I won't be publishing it here. Do your own homework. Earlier in the night I asked her if she had QQ and sure enough she did. The flop: J-3-6. Again the betting was capped on the flop. The turn was another rag and Asphnxma flashed me his cards... AJ... and folded. He knew he didn't have the best hand. It was heads up with Ferrari and Julie. The river: A. Ferrari hit his pair with ATo. Julie showed her KK and fell victim to another Ferrari beat on the river. Of course if Asphnxma stayed in, he would have hit his two pair! The one time he played tight, it cost him the pot!

12:10am EST... -98. Jon and Marie left. Earlier, Julie made a general observation that she could out drink anyone at the table. We all gave her a hard time. Ferrari laughed pretty loud and said, "You can't out drink me, and I know for a fact Pauly could drink me under the table." Asphnxma gave me a look like, "You survived a weekend with Al Cant Hang!" If only I could put that on my resume... just after International Bond Trader and before Screenwriter. I'm willing to take on any prop bet and quickly took Julie up on her offer.

12:13am EST... Ferrari went heads up with Julie in another pot. He had KJ and flopped top two pair. Julie had a flush draw and chased to the river. She scooped up another pot from Ferrari. I had to rebuy a second time when I tossed $40 Julie's way and she gave me some of her chips.

12:40am EST... -110. Julie and Asphnxma went heads up. Julie had a flush draw again and with a crappy flop and even a worse turn, I was starting to wonder if anyone had anything. The river was a 2 and Asphnxma fired out. Julie called with nothing and Asphnxma showed The Hammer! His pair of twos was good enough to win.

1:15am EST... -121. Ugly got hideous real fast. It could have been worse. I only played one hand of Anaconda and didn't lose a lot of money. Stud was killing me. By fifth street I had 5-5/A-6-A. Ferrari ended up catching a full house on the river with Js over 6s. Ouch.

1:35am EST... The Real Hand of the Night?

Ferrari: KK
Julie: AA
Diane: QQ
Pauly JJ... w/ J of hearts!
Asphnxma: 86o.

The flop: Ah-Kh-Qh. I blurted out, "Looks like a Party Poker flop!" Diane was shortstacked and she was all in so we had to set up a side pot. The betting was capped on the flop just like it was preflop. I was the only one who didn't hit the set, but I chased anyway.

The turn: As. Julie flashed her tell once again and I looked over at Diane and I picked up a new tell that she gave off when it was apparent that she hit a full house. The betting was capped.

The river: 10h. I looked up at Julie. "Do you have Big Slick?" She smiled and raised Ferrari's opening bet. I reraised, Ferrari capped it and we all showed our cards. I beat out Julie's four aces with a Royal Flush!

Too bad we rigged the deck.

Let's flashback ten minutes earlier. The ladies stepped outside for a smoke break. I decided to get Ferrari and Asphnxma to playa little joke on them. Let me put out this disclaimer... I am not a cheater and as proprietor, Signor Ferrari will not tolerate cheating at his place. What we did was out of pure fun... not for monetary gain. We were careful to make sure everyone got their money back after the hand was over. We were drunk, silly, and having a good time. OK, so let's get back to my story. We set up a cold deck. Asphnxma raced to make sure we got monster hands with one of the ladies nailing four aces only to lose on the river to a Royal Flush. Julie was a great sport about it and in the process I picked up a tell on Diane that I never knew existed before. When it was over I asked the table, "Was this a blogworth hand?" Definitely.

By the way, in the future, you might wanna cut any deck twice that Asphnxma shuffles.

My notes ended shortly after that hand. We played for a little while longer but when our night of drollery was complete, I was down $123. How was that possible for a small stakes game? I went swimming with the sharks at Foxwoods last week and only dropped $185. Bad beats, loose calls, and sad running suckouts did me in. All that didn't matter because I had a good time. In the last year I have been playing serious poker and sometimes the intense stress levels have taken away the fun aspect of the game. It feels good to sit down at a table and throw all that Sklansky out of a 19 story building and just sit down, drink, tell awful jokes, and have fun. After a losing month, I needed a night of social poker to help get my head back on track. A jovial night concluded with the four of us nearly getting run over by a taxi on 8th Avenue when we all tried to cross the street with a red light! Engrossed in deep conversation about the night's game, we ignored all rules of pedestrian traffic.

The Finally Tally:
Ferrari +96
Diane +71
Marie +32
Julie +25
Jon -18
Asphnxma -33
Pauly -123

A good turnout for Ladies Night at the Blue Parrot... since the ladies walked away up over $130 and the two poker bloggers were down $150+!

Lost Monday

I misplaced my notes on my Foxwoods trip last Thursday. As soon as I can dig them up, I'll post my trip report.

In the meantime, you can read two blurbs on my main blog Tao of Pauly.

1. Random Rhode Island Stories is a collection of ramblings about some of the things I did to pass my time during my trip to Naragansett, embedded deep into Red Sox territoy, while visiting one of my best friends from college which includes hanging out with my 11 month old "nephew". Here's a bit:

I sprinted into action and found Little Senor standing at the foot of a table with two attractive URI students. They were waving "Hi" when I finally caught up to him. They laughed when I picked him up and carried him back into our section.

"They're also in love with you too little man. Here's the deal. I want you to run back in there and go back to the same table."

I put down Little Senor and he darted for the other section. On cue he walked right up to the table of coeds. The blonde smiled, "You are sooo cute!"

"I'm sorry about that. My nephew just started walking a week or so ago. Now he won't stop."

"It's OK," they both said in unison. "He's sooo adorable."

Little Senor flashed him his patented smile and exposed his two little teeth. "Totally. He's more cuter than a basket full of puppies. By the way, I'm Pauly."

... Read More

2. A Monday Rant: Esquire's Hottest Woman Alive is my take on the ongoing debate between BG and Al Cant Hang over Esquire's recent list of the Hottest Woman Alive. Don't miss what I said about Britney Spears. Here's a bit:

What is hot? What does Pauly find hot? It's the combination of good looks, personality, intelligence, and the fun quotient. Would these chicks wanna go beer bowling at 3am? Would any of them want to fly to Vegas and gamble for three straight days with my brother and Senor? Which one would smoke bong hits with me and watch Dazed and Confused or The Simpsons? And lastly, would any of them make me lasagna? ... Read More

Anyway, there's a little something to tide you over while I frantically search for my notes.

Fantasy Pauly Updates

For complete updates on my Fantasy Pools... visit Pauly's Pub. Thanks!

WBT 5: Poker Stars Fall Classic



Greetings from the smallest state in the union. I woke up early on Thursday and inhaled a couple of deep breaths of fresh early morning New England sea air as I casually took pictures. The Rhode Island coast is majestic and I quickly understood why my buddy Senor moved his family to Naragansett. After almost a year of life in the fast lane, it was soothing to get to take a break from being me for a couple of days and allow my mind to wander aimlessly to ponder the important things in life while staring out at the ocean for hours at a time. And the best part of getting away from the city... Foxwoods was just a little more than 35 minutes away... and Senor took Thursday morning off so we could go gamble! I'll post my Foxwoods trip report in the near future... which included a $15 loss at a $4/8 table and a paltry 4th place bubble finish in a $150 ACT II tournament (roughly it's a SNG with a chance at winning a seat in the World Poker Finals) and being the lone Yankees fan in a disgusting sea of Red Sox faithfuls.

I started the day off at a casino... and I ended the day in front of the computer in Senor's basement office relentlessly cursing at those damn Hilton Sisters after placing 63rd in Iggy's latest poker blogger tournament. At 8:45pm, Senor kicked his wife off the computer to let me fire up Poker Stars and install AIM. His 11 month old son wished me luck as most 11 months could do... he rubbed my face with his hand covered in baby drool. I took it as a blessing from the poker gods. I tried to wipe off my face, opened up my notebook to a fresh page and was stunned to see that 133 players signed up for a prize pool of over $2200. Wow! Almost $800 going to the winner. It was going to be a huge pay day. I was pumped to play with my brother in our first poker blogger tournament together (he played in the Pacific fiasco which I skipped to go to Santa Fe) and I knew that Coach and some others like Signor Ferrari and Asphnxma from the Blue Parrot signed up. I also heard that Wil Wheaton was going to finally join us... which certainly excited all the degenerate gamblers in bloggerdom. I recall that last spring, Grubby contacted Ben Affleck's people to invite him to play... and they promptly blew us off. Don't expect me to go see that awful Christmas movie now... Affleck. Felicia got pro Roy Cooke to play with us a couple of times and that was fun. Alas, Wil's a good egg and he signed up looking to take down some of his favorite poker bloggers and even pimped the tourney on his popular blog.

Yeah, at 8:59pm EST, I had one of those existentialist moments like, "How the hell did I get here?" I was sitting in the basement in a coastal town in Rhode Island playing online poker with 132 other degenerate gamblers, stuck in the middle of Red Sox nation licking my wounds after a horrible Yankees collapse, with baby drool on my face, and gleefully humming the words to the theme song from Diff'rent Strokes...

"The world don't move to the beat of just one drum
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans."

Just another random Thursday in my life. Right?

The Players:
Seat 1: Nktek
Seat 2: VIPDirect
Seat 3: Bruno 75 then SirFWalingman
Seat 4: FTNJake
Seat 5: Emrod
Seat 6: Ankonrahi
Seat 7: MonkeyFu
Seat 8: Dr. Pauly
Seat 9: MadRoxx

I apologize in advance if I spelled any of the screen names wrong or didn't link up your blog. Shoot me an email or leave a comment and I'll do my best to correct it. And let me say that I'm sorry I also didn't get to talk to everyone. I wasn't trying to blow anyone off. With my AIM ringing off the hook and trying to watch my brother's table, taking notes, fielding calls from Briana who was checking up on my progress, oh and most importantly playing in the tourney... yep, I was definitely all over the place. It was cool to chat with some bloggers I never spoke to before and to be recognized by loyal readers of my blog(s). I've been saying that playing in these poker blogger tourneys are insane... kind like showing up to a cocktail party on speed... oh yeah and then there's gambling involved an dif you are lucky enough... having a bounty on your head.

Level 1: The key to winning 100+ person multis is survival. My goal in the first hour is not to get knocked out while looking for that rare chance to double up early. I won a small pot in the first orbit with AKs. I saw a flop with 44 and folded and took down another pot went I moved all in with AKo. I had a feeling that my reputation preceded me... because everytime I raised a sizable amount, everyone folded. T1440 and I was 74th out of 128.

Level 2: I saw Jake from Flopped the Nuts' AA get cracked by Nktek's 87s on a river straight. I was happy it wasn't mine! I was sweating Derek's table and he was sitting at the same table as Otis. I kept getting comments in the chat from Spock326. At first I thought it was Wil, but when I checked I realized it was Signor Ferrari from the Blue Parrot. I saw that Derek got knocked out and I missed the action. At least he wasn't the first guy to get booted, but might have been the first blogger to get KO'd. I limped in with another small pocket pair 33 and folded crap cards after crap cards. That's when I saw The Hammer staring at me. I wanted to win the tournament and logic told me to fold but this was a poker bloggers tournament after all... and in honor of Grubby... I felt compelled to at least see a flop with The Hammer! I limped in and caught an open ended straight draw when 689 fell on the flop. After everyone checked to me I moved all in. I took down the pot uncontested and proudly showed my 27o which drew some catcalls from the railbirds. In my best Elvis impression (Fat Elvis, I don't do Skinny Elvis), I quivered my lip and muttered, "Thank you. Thank you very much!" The level ended and I had T1400 and was 67 out of 121. Not good, but not bad either. The King would have been proud and that's all that matters.

Level 3: I saw a flop with AQs and folded when nothing helped me. I lost a few chips there. Then I saw The Hammer for a second time in twenty minutes. I moved all in in late position. I took a deep breath and pictured Friday morning's blogger headlines, "Good Doctor Bounced by the Hammer!" Everyone folded, I stole the blinds and two limp bets, and showed 27o for a second time. I thrust my arms out in the air, made dual Peace signs and in my best Dick Nixon voice shouted, "I am not a crook!" The level ended and I was 81st out of 11 with T1100 and not looking good. I checked to see who got booted and was surprised to see some familiar names; NemoD, Mr. Decker, Derek, and Boy Genius.

Level 4: After the blinds came around, I had T900 and was moved to a new table.

The Players:
Seat 1: TXAcsUp
Seat 2: Edimus
Seat 3: Predator314 and later Tactix
Seat 4: Koso (Middle Aged Man)
Seat 5: Bernardine and later Carter
Seat 6: Grubette
Seat 7: Endless4727
Seat 8: Dr. Pauly
Seat 9: Waxman

On the third or fourth hand I was dealt AA. I pushed all in hoping to get one of the bigger stacks to call me to double me up. No callers. I glanced at my notes. My five winning hands: AKs, AK, 27o, 27o, and AA. I was watching Coach's table (TP was there too) and cheering him on when Wil got moved after his table was broken up. I caught the tail end of Wil bad beating Coach's AJs with KTs. I picked both Coach and Wil to make the final table and that heads up battle was ruining my chances at winning the side pool. Coach, one of the biggest Star Trek scholars I know, slipped out, "Nice hand, Wes." A couple of hands later Coach moved all in with the Hilton Sisters and TP had him right away with his pocket Kings, er... Hellmuth's as F Train would say. Wil wrote something hilarious in the chat like, "That's karmic payback for calling me Wes." Poor Coach was kicked to the curb by skanky hotel heiresses. Some guys would pay top dollar for that honor. Coach only forked up $22. With one of my picks for the final table gone... I was pulling for Wil and Maudie (who was 5th in chips). The level ended and at the first break I was in 75th place. 90 players were left and I had T900. Notable players KO'd included; Life's a Grind, Coach, DoubleAs, Helix, Otis (another one of my final table picks!), Blu, Johnny Flop Bot, AlCantDance, Halverson, The Film Geek, and Signor Ferrari.

Level 5: With a slew of good players gone I should have liked my chances. Nope. My stack was looking thinner than a strung out cokehead model from Copenhagen. I made the decision to move all in at the first sight of a face card, heck, or any two suited. Luckily I had nothing but crap and I folded a few hands while I watched Iggy's table. He moved all in with the Hilton Sisters and lost to 99 when a third 9 spiked. Ouch. Second time I saw the Hilton Sisters take out a friend. The scantly clad btiches were feisty and not taking it easy on anyone. I stole the blinds when I pushed all in with JJ, KJ, and A4s. I moved up to T1350 and was 57 out of 78. I noticed that Iggy, Wil and CJ were all booted.

Level 6: The blinds were getting up there and I still need to play aggressive. I heard HDouble was booted as well as Pokerama, the Poker Genius, and John Paul. Wil stopped by to tell me he dug my av/icon. I must say that I thought there were some creative ones out there, but how can you top Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes? By the way, Maudie was that a picture of you as a youngster? The bloggers were dropping out quickly. In late position I saw QJs. I pushed all in and Grubette called me with the Hilton Sisters. They ruggedly molested me like the dog that I am. When it was over I was violated and left speechless with a flimsy T187. I usually like getting beat up by rich women, but not in front of 150 or so of your blogging peers, faithful readers, and friends. I was last place in chips and at one point I typed into the chat, "I'll let the rail decide if I should move all in..." Of course the entire peanut gallery egged me on to push! HDouble comically wrote, "Nice friends." I folded! And went all in during my big blind. 56o vs. pocket 10s. I was done. 63rd place. Thanks for playing and don't let the door smack you in the ass on the way out.

I cheered on Landow and Hank987 while sweating Sean's, Maudie and Asphnxma's table. Then I heard that someone cracked AA with the Hilton Sisters. Man the girls were out ruining everyone's night! Tactix from Bullets in the Hole. Looks like I'll be shipping a Pauly painting to Canada! Good job.

I watched the final table in between chatting with Maudie after she got knocked out. Congrats to everyone who made it... and especially to both to Todd Commish and MtDewVirus for a great ending.

Of course thanks to Iggy for setting everything up. Thanks for everyone for watching my table and cheering me on. Again, I wish I had more time to chat with everyone. My first full poker day ended with a 6+ hour stint at Foxwoods and a 63rd place finish in WBT 5. I saw the Hiltons relentlessly ravish the hearts of young poker players and some newer bloggers make a name for themselves. Grubby's arranging the next event. I dunno if I can play in that one... which made Thursday night a little more special. I wish I had more to say about the night, but I have some walking along the ocean I'd like get done before I write about the last few days. Before I go, I will share the funniest thing I heard all night. It was the last thing Briana said to me before she wished me good luck... "Tell Wil that I loved him in Kangaroo Jack."

Happy 1,000,000...

Someone shoot me!

1,000,000 words. I have infected the cyber world with one million words and 4,500+ posts worth on all my combined blogs. Don't believe me? Blogger never lies.

When I told my brother he was surprised it didn't happen sooner. On that note... I'm taking a break for a few days. A well deserved break from blogging. I'm going out of town driving up to Naragansett, Rhode Island. I'll post Yankees write ups and Galactic reviews and any poker tournament write ups this weekend.

I have to thank a special person... Skippy from The Daily Dave for encouraging me to start my first blog the Tao of Pauly. Any complaints about my million word infection? Shoot him. And thanks to Haley for encouraging me to keep on blogging when I wanted to quit. You can shoot her too. Thanks for reading.

Truckin', On the Road, and Other Random Stuff

I finished 305 out of 6708 on a Poker Stars free roll. 55 lost to A2s. Ugh. I also lost my fantasy football league matchup by 2.75 points. So close, yet so far.

The other night HDouble posted his year in review and yesterday Chris Halverson posted his. Both are excellent write ups and should not be missed. Halverson and HDouble are a part of my daily poker blog reading diet.

The Poker Penguin resurfaced after a long break. He's trying to get me to go out to Yukon Territory. I've never been there before. I'll put it on the top of my 2005 travel list next in between: Thailand and Paris. Although I have to say the entire concept of a moose freaks me out, I'm all up for a trek into the Canadian wilderness.

Congrats to Blu for a huge 12K win on Party Poker. Awesome!

Felicia is blogging on blogger again. Don't miss her honest write ups of the WPPA. And unless you've been living in a convent, Iggy announced that he quit his job and is going to play poker professionally full time. God bless him.

Congrats to Signor Ferrari for winning his NL tournament at the Blue Parrot last night. Asphnxma and I both skipped out to watch the Yankees blow another late lead. Good news is that Coach came in 4th! And he's going to offer up a copy of his book Reading the Sports Page if you knock him out his AA with the Hilton Sisters in the Poker Stars tournament on Thursday night at 9pm. So if you KO Coach... you get a shot at a painting and a great book. Unfortunately Ugarte cannot play on Thursday because he has a comedy gig in NYC. If you are looking for something to do, visit his upcoming gigs calendar.

I'm hitting the road, driving up to Rhode Island for a few days, but will be logging on Thursday night to drop the hammer on The Poker Geek in the poker bloggers tourney. If you are bored, you can go read the latest issue of my blogzine. Enjoy.

Truckin' October 2004 (Vol. 3, Issue 10)

This is my favorite time of the month, when I publish another issue of my literary blog-zine. October brings us two new writers as well as stories from two of my favorite writers, both past contributors. I penned three stories; a touching tale, a Vermont story, and I'm sharing an excerpt from my fourth novel Bar Hopping with Buddha. In her first appearance in Truckin', Kristie wrote up her thoughts about 9.11. BG returns with a personal story about being a hurricane survivor. Molly Burkhart joins the staff with a story called Cannonballs. And everyone's favorite Norwegian novelist, Sigge S. Amdal submitted an interesting piece called Facing the Facts. Sit back, enjoy, and please spread the good word about this site. Be sweet, McG.

1. Moments in a Box by Tenzin McGrupp
"Someday, people will catch up to the way you think, and eventually figure out what you've been talking about all these years. And it'll be like we finally got the punchline to a joke," the girl with the seashell eyes used to say to me all the time in her sweet drawl... More


2. Hurricane by BG
I've never lived in Florida, and would never want to. But I did survive Hurricane Jeanne. Barely, by the skin of my teeth, with the clothes on my back, with nothing left to show but what was left of my sanity and bank accounts on the tail end... More


3. My 9/11 by Kristie
We have TVs on now and there are shots of people in New York, running through the streets in horror and in their business suits. Can't you just picture the looks on their faces? You remember, don't you? It looked like a movie... More


4. Vintage by Tenzin McGrupp
Sometimes I did not get the money I wanted and I had to beg, borrow, or steal just to scrape together enough cash to buy a couple of drinks. For some reason, bartenders don't give out free drinks anymore to wayward philosophers or jaded artists down on their luck... More


5. Cannonballs by Molly Burkhart
I hate cannonballs. Muskets, I can handle. Bayonets, I can counter. But those damn, shrapnel-filled cannonballs scare the holy hell out of me... More


6. Facing the Facts by Sigge S. Amdal
After a couple of years... I figure it can't take much longer walking from Norway to Italy... we'd get there, and the group's members would recognize me as their guarantee of real, ultimate power in this glorious land that I had given them... More


7. Walking to Coventry by Tenzin McGrupp
The Joker slung his gear on his back, ditched his rental car and walked into the campgrounds. He headed north and parked in a town called Newport, then hitched a ride halfway and hiked the rest of the way in... More

Tournament Week, Single Nicky, and Marc Bulger

Random NYC poker oddity of the day... I forgot to tell you that a couple of weeks ago I had lunch with my friend Jenna. And afterwards we saw actress Chole Sevigny looking around in the poker books section at the Barnes & Noble near Union Square. Maybe she's brushing up for an upcoming episode of Celebrity Poker Letdown?

I'm missing out on a $100 buy in NL tournament at the Blue Parrot tonight hosted by Signor Ferrari. I can't miss the Yankees game, man. I'm willing to sacrifice poker and a shot at a $500 pay day for a Yankees-Red Sox game. Priorities. My online poker playing and blogging time had been cut down this past week. And they'll slow down to a moderate trickle when I go out of town for the week... heading up to Boston, Connecticut, and to Rhode Island. I recently upped my mimimum personal writing time from two hours a day to four. That's a daily discipline I've tried my best to hold myself to for almost two years. I used to have a "write five pages a day" rule but I like the two hours... er, four hour workouts better. I also added two hours of reading time... novels mostly... to my daily routine. It feels good that I cut down on the internet time and TV time and reading endless articles about the upcoming election and dare I say reading my favorite poker blogs and Alexa's blog (my favorite blog from a NYC escort). Alas, I lost 1/6 of my day in order to prepare for a major writing project I'm undertaking next month.

Thursday, October 21st at 9pm EST on Poker Stars... $20 buy in

Anyway, I funded Derek's Poker Stars account today, so he's good to go. We've never played in a blogger tourney together. We played together in tournaments in Vegas and Foxwoods, but never in a blogger sanctioned event. Visit Iggy's site for more details. I think my friend Jay is going to play and I know that Coach, a Blue Parrot regular and some time contributor to the Tao of Poker, will be playing. I saw his name as one of the 38 players signed up. With 40% of the prize money going to the winner, it's going to be a decent pay out. I'm hoping to make the final table and improve upon my my best ever 3rd place money finish in WBT II when I had a monster chip lead and blew it all.

Hilton Sisters Challenge 7

I will be hosting a Hilton Sisters Challenge during the duration of the tournament. Of course if you knock me out with them, I kick your ass.

Your mission: You must crack AA with QQ on Poker Stars during the poker bloggers tournament this Thursday.

Prizes: The winner gets a cool ty-dyed Phish shirt or a Pauly painting

Past Winners:
Hilton Sisters Challenge 1: Chris Halverson and Bad Blood
Hilton Sisters Challenge 2: No one
Hilton Sisters Challenge 3: My brother from Poker in the Weeds
Hilton Sisters Challenge 4: Jordan from Hurty Gurty
Hilton Sisters Challenge 5 & 6: No one


My favorite Hilton Sister.
And yes, I'm pumped. Nicky is single again.

Closing Thoughts

Marc Bulger is the man I need to hook me up tonight. I'm down 24 points in my fantasy football league. If Bulger nets 230 yards and 2 TD... then I'll win! The guy I'm playing against is done for the week. Here's the added incentive. My league pays out $100 to the team with the most points every week. My opponent is currently winning with the most points in Week 6... so in one huge game from Bulger... I could scoop the win and the bonus bucks! By the way, my fantasy league is a fourteen teamer with $360 per entry. $2200 goes to first place. Please send out good thoughts to Marc Bulger tonight against the Bucs.

Congrats to HDouble for a year of stellar poker blogging. And three cheers to Mr. Decker on being one of the tallest poker bloggers.

Birthday Greetings

Yesterday was Derek's birthday. Go read his recently updated blog Poker in the Weeds and wish him birthday greetings. He posted his Top 5 things he's going to do in Vegas. I'll post mine in December.

Mini Blogger Tables

I played NL ring games on Party Poker with Iggy and Sean from Anistropy on Thursday and with Bad Blood early this morning. I also played an hour or so with Chris Halverson on the $2-4 tables. He was shocked I sat down, but there were two guys giving their money away... and you know sharks smell blood in the ocean miles and miles away.

By the way, before I ever saw a pictue of Halverson, I swear that I had this image of William H. Macy plugging away on Party Poker. Then we both realized we were alot younger than we both thought.

A thought to ponder... who's the tallest poker blogger? I met Lord Geznikor, and he's a tall guy... by far the tallest out of the bloggers I met. But my money is on HDouble or Sean from Anistropy.

By the way, I'd love to see who'd win a 100 yard dash... Iggy, Al Cant Hang, or Boy Genius. Of course if there was a bottle of SoCo waiting for Al at the finish line, he'd smoke them all. That would be an epic pay-per-view event.

This morning, I had both Al Cant Sleep and The Poker Geek sweat me in the early morning $10 multi when I busted out 193rd out of 530. By the way, I need to come up with a new nickname for The Poker Geek. Perhaps, Jar Jar? Just kidding... I'll come up with one by Vegas.

Fantasy Pauly Updates

Pauly's Pub Pigskin Pick'em Week 5 Update

Team(s) of the Week: (Tie) MoshPit Badblood44 and Manny & Ortiz 10-4

Week 5 Results:
1 MoshPit badblood44 10
1 manny and ortiz 10
3 Lovelace Leapsloth 9
3 Austin Drunks 9
3 All My Sweet Bitches 9
6 Twinkle & Turquoise 8
7 Ugarte's Last Stand 7
7 The Brooklyn Embeds 7
7 Oyster Bay Moore 7
7 Shakedown Street 7
7 Running Back Ribs 7
7 Chico's Bail Bonds 7
7 Well T'anks For Nuttin' 7
7 WhereMy NillasAt? 7
7 All In 7
7 Snot Bubbles 7
7 Drunk Norsemen 7
18 Bobby BigBalls 6
18 Punch You in the Eye 6
18 BiG PERM BiG WORM 6
18 AlCantPickEm 6
18 Smokin Ricky 6
18 Coach's Picks 6
24 Uwannabet? . 5
24 Cumberland Blues 5
24 McNamara Entry 5

Overall Results:
1 Well T'anks For Nuttin (Jerry) 46
2 manny and ortiz (Brad Singer) 44
3 Chico's Bail Bonds (Derek) 42
4 All In (Landow) 41
5 Snot Bubbles (Sean Grealis) 40
5 All My Sweet Bitches (Ty) 40
5 The Brooklyn Embeds (G. Shapir) 40
5 Austin Drunks (M. Stephans) 40
5 MoshPit badblood44 (Bad Blood) 40
5 Coach's Picks (Feinberg) 40
11 Smokin Ricky (Senor) 39
11 Lovelace Leapsloth (S. Lovelace) 39
13 Twinkle & Turquoise (Jenna & Haley) 38
13 Ugarte's Last Stand(Charles Star, comedian, esq.) 38
13 Uwannabet? (UWannaBet) 38
13 Oyster Bay Moore ( J. Moore) 38
17 Drunk Norsemen (C. Halverson) 37
17 McNamara Entry (Spider) 37
19 Punch You in the Eye (Pauly 2) 36
20 AlCantPickEm 35
20 BiG PERM BiG WORM (Armen) 35
20 Shakedown Street (Pauly) 35
23 Bobby BigBalls (C. Hardin) 34
24 WhereMy NillasAt? (BG) 33
25 Running Back Ribs (J. Schanzer) 30
25 Cumberland Blues (K. Hungus) 30

The Skinny: What a crazy week. I got whooped again. But Manny & Ortiz and Bad Blood battled to tie for team of the week. Jerry's lead slipped a little but Well T'anks for Nuthin still leads the pool with Manny & Ortiz in second and Chico's Bail Bonds and All In close by.

Don't forget to do your picks this week.


Grid Iron Week 5 Update

Team of the Week: Rib Boy's Latrells 138

Week 5 Results:
1 Rib Boy's Latrells 138
2 The Brooklyn Embeds 132
3 Porkchops & Applesauce 126
4 Robber Barons 124
5 Uncle Jodd's Band 115
6 Mary-Kate's Nosebleed 114
7 Your Enemies Friend 113
8 Trained Professionals 98

Season Results:
1 Rib Boy's Latrells (Derek) 662
2 Uncle Jodd's Band (Senor & Pauly) 658
3 The Brooklyn Embeds (Gil) 646
4 Mary-Kate's Nosebleed (Pauly) 638
5 Porkchops & Applesauce (J. Moore) 595
6 Trained Professional (Boy Genius) 593
7 Robber Barons (Armen) 579
8 Your Enemies Friend (Spider) 566

The Skinny: Rib Boy's Latrells is in the top spot after winning team of the week and knocking out Uncle Jodd's Band despite a monster week from Marc Bulger. The Brooklyn Embeds moved into third overall after a solid week.


Pauly's Pub College Football Pool - Week 6 Update

Team of the Week: Muff State Pie Boys!

Week 6 Standings:
1 Muff State Pie Boys 45
2 Sheer Entry 40
3 AlCantHang 37
3 Chico's Bail Bonds 37
5 Austin Drunks 36
6 WhatyaTalkin AboutWillis? 35
8 Landow 32
8 Killer Gophers 21

Overall Standings:
1 Chico's Bail Bonds (Derek) 264
2 AlCantHang 261
3 Austin Drunks 260
4 WhatyaTalkin AboutWillis? (Pauly) 252
5 Sheer Entry (Senor) 227
6 The Venetian Blinds (Poker Nerd) 221
7 Ugarte's Last Stand (Charles Star, comedian esq.) 188
8 Landow 185
9 Muff State Pie Boys (Spider) 169
10 Killer Gophers (Halverson) 164
11 Porkchops & Apple Sauce (Joe Moore) 145
12 Buckeye! (Ferrari) 124

The skinny: Another tough week... during big game week! Spider and Muff State Pie Boys kicked ass. Derek and Chico's Bailbonds are leading it all with AlCantHang and Austin Drunks not far behind. Don't forget to do your picks.

Phil Gordon on Dennis Miller's Varsity

Did anyone else catch Phil Gordon on The Dennis Miller Show tonight? The topic was gambling. One clown wanted to legalize online gambling in the US and use the taxes levied towards homeland security.

Big Slick vs. 10-6s

I'm always the loser. Playing in a $1 NL multi-table tourney on Poker Stars (973 players), I was 50th in chips out of 142 remaining in Level 8. I raised preflop with AK and got two callers. The flop Ah-8c-2h. I bet two times the pot and a guy with a stack about the same size called with 10h-6h. You know what the river was? Kh. If you're gonna chase, at least chase the nut flush. I lost half my stack and slipped to the back of the pack. Up until that point, I got Big Slick five times and Mrs. Slick six times each!

I battled back and made the prize money in my first Poker Stars multi. The key hand was winning the race with 99 vs. AQs. That was a close one. I also bad beated a guy with Mrs. Slick when he had pocket Hellmuths. I doubled up against the big stack with A-10 vs. his A3s. Then it got ugly. In Level 13, I was 19th out of 30 remaining players. With 88 in the LB I moved all in. J10s on the button called. He flopped a Jack and I was out in 25th place out of 973. Although I made the money in my first Poker Stars multi, I was gunning for the final table.

I've only been playing on Poker Stars for a few days but there are two things I like better than Party Poker:

1. The All In situations flip over your cards before the hands begin.
2. Antes in tournaments

Did You Know?

The Yankees nicknamed their teammate Mariano Rivera... The Hammer of God! After he had a conversation with God on the mound during a 1999 game against the Atlanta Braves.


The Hammer of God
Thanks to Al Cant Hang for putting a bounty on my head in next week's Poker Stars Blogger Tourney.

Good God, Grubby!

The Poker Grub has an honest post about his SNG wrap up, Joe Versus the Volcano, and his life on the edge of the gambler's abyss. Perhaps I should move to Vegas and watch over Grubby... to make sure he sticks to the poker tables and away from the table games and slots. Maybe we can get one of those dog collars rigged so everytime Grubby sits down at the black jack tables, he gets a jolt of electricity to his nether regions.

Late last night after the Yankees game, I placed first in a $10 Aussie Million single table sub-qualifier... winning a free roll into the $70 Aussie Qualifier, also a single table tourney. I played in the $70 qualifier this afternoon and battled my way to fourth place when my A4 shortstack lost to KQ. The only highlight this afternoon was placing third in a $30 SNG.

Iggy is hosting another poker blogger tournament on Poker Stars next Thursday night at 9pm EST. Buy in is $20. I funded my account and I'm already signed up. Have you? I will be offering a Hilton Sisters Bounty for the duration of the tournament. However, if you crack my AA with the Sisters... you win nothing. Instead, I come to your house and kick your ass. He also posted a boisterous letter from Texas Dolly. I love Texans. They're as tough as New Yorkers.

The Poker Geek has a hilarious shit list. And I made it!

Lastly, Boy Genius and Al Cant Hang are doing something weird. Go see for yourself.

Recent Poker Playing Music...
1. The Grateful Dead with Bob Dylan
2. Billie Holiday
3. Charles Mingus
4. The Funky Meters
5. Galactic

Monday Night Blogger Mayhem

The Players:
Seat 1: Otis
Seat 2: Daddy from Snail Trax
Seat 4: Bad Blood
Seat 5: Pauly, M.D.
Seat 7: Maudie
Seat 8: Carter

If you build it, they will come. I sat down at a random $25 NL ring table on Party Poker. Within five minutes Carter joined the table. Cool. A fellow blogger. One less idiot I have to worry about. Then Bad Blood sat down and Daddy. A few minutes later Maudie and Otis joined the table. Just like that.... a blogger convention. I still think it's cool that we're all over the place geographically. Maudie's in Oklahoma, Carter in DC, Daddy in Indiana, and the South Carolina boys joining me in the Boogie Down, NY. But at heart, we're all degenerate gamblers.

This is my A.A. meeting. I'm Pauly and I'm a loose aggressive maniac.

I was doing well until Slick suited ran into cowboys... or Hellmuths as F Train has been calling them inhis attempt to corner the market in new poker vernacular. Slowly, I started getting crappy hands and wasn't hitting flops with the decent run of small pairs finding my way. Then I made a stupid move. Moving all in with AJ in LP. I never put the guy UTG on KK. Obviously, if I did, I would have folded. I figured coin flip... 8s or 9s vs my overcards. Nope. He had Hellmuths and I was busted. Rebuy. Again. It's so easy to reload on these $25 NL tables. I don't even think about digging in three or four times to rebuy... since the tables are so fishy it's not uncommon to see someone push 10-7s all in against your pocket aces.

I had to take a dump and I let Derek play a few orbits for me. He usually misses out on the blogger tables, so it was his first chance at experiencing the action he reads about.

At this point, Daddy had qualified for the $300 Aussie Satellite later in the night. He won a qualifier SNG. I got some writing done and logged back in to watch him come from behind with a short stack. He battled his way to the front until his Hellmuths ran into AA. Ouch. It was ugly. I felt so bad for the guy. He was playing great holding on to his chips all night and winning his all in situations. Wrong time to get KK. Anyway, he finished in 13th place with a great showing. Good job. We'll get them next time!

This afternoon, I was playing in a sub-qualifier SNG for the Aussie satellite. With 55 in LP, I flopped quads in a three way pot. At this point, when I don't see a straight flush or quads on Party Poker at my table... I start to suspect something's up.

I played on Poker Stars for the first time since I funded my account. I think I got the coolest picture in my image circle. Anyway, sat down at an NL SNG and finished in the money... 3rd place. K8 lost to K9. Hate when that happens.

It's been a while since I updated my Party Poker tournament results. I hit a nice run at the $30 SNGs and fared well in a few multi tables.

Results on Party Poker the last two weeks:

$5 Multi NL: 371 out of 1101
$5 Omaha hi/lo SNG: 2
$6 Qualifier Saturday 200K SNG: 5
$9 Euro Open Sub-Qualifier SNG: 2, 6, 6
$9 Aussie A Sub-Qaulifier SNG: 2
$9 NL Super Qualifier: 7 out of 70
$10 Stud SNG: 3
$10 Multi NL: 137 out of 290
$10 Euro Open Multi Satellite: 32 out of 97; 40 out of 93; 132 out of 160
$10 Aussie Million A Multi Satellite: 1 out of 160 -- won a $300 free roll
$30 NL SNG: 6, 6, 4, 2, 2, 2
$30 Limit SNG: 3
$36 Aussie Sat. Qualifier SNG: 5
$36 Euro Open Sat. Qualifier SNG: 2
$300 Aussie Million A Satellite: 35 out of 84

Money Invested: $389
Tournaments I made the prize money: 10 out of 23
Gross Winnings: $494 + $372 in freerolls
Profit/ROI: +105 + $372 in freerolls

I finally wrote up a little bit about my jury duty service last week which included be called and dismissed on a murder case. Check out The Real Jury Duty Tales which I posted on my main blog. Here's a bit:

I picked a seat near the window and read the rest of the tabloid newspapers. I did not get to finish Wil's book the day before and started the final pages. I looked up and a smoking hot Puerto Rican girl sat down next to me. She resembled Jessica Alba with once exception... Jessica was in Hollyweird somewhere, and the look-a-like was sitting right next to me. I wanted to slowly peel her clothes off with my teeth.

"Did you get called yesterday?"

She rolled her eyes. "I fuckin' got called for a murder case!"

I love NYC women. The second word that rolled off of her pouty lips was a derivative of "fuck". Hot damn!

Enjoy. See ya at the tables.

Bring on the Sox!

No Dingos, Kangaroos, or Shelias... 35th Place out of 84

I friggin blew it once again. I was running good the last few days. I bullied, bluffed, and outflopped my way to two final tables in a 70 and 160 player multis on Party Poker. I was finally healthy for the first time in almost 10 days. I had a gameplan. I had railbirds. A lot of them. Several bloggers and readers turned out to cheer me on. I bored them to death for seventy-five minutes folding crap hand after crap hand. I wanted to unleash LAG maniac Pauly. Couldn't do that when I was seeing 10-3 and 9-6 hand after hand.

It got to a point where I was shortstacked after playing two hands 99 and AQ ( I stole pots with semi bluffs with KJo and KT) and winning just three small pots. I was near desperation... going to push with any ace, king, or suited cards when I was 36th out of 42 players. I had fallen so far behind in chips at a loose table with several monster stacks that I knew I had a shot to triple up with any marginal hand, cause I'd get three or four callers... but having to be all in at a table with big stacks would not put me in favorable position. I should have sat back and waited a little longer for a hand. Alas, poker is a game about decisions and I made a crucial one that cost me a trip to Australia.

Level 4: K2 in the BB with T710. Avg stack at that point was over T2000. I limped in. The flop: Q46. Checks all around in a three way pot with a T7000 stack and a T3000 stack. Another Q falls. Two diamonds and two clubs on the board. Checks all around. The river: 6s. With T125 in the pot, I'm looking at two pairs with a King kicker. I didn't put either guy on an ace, nor a full boat. Missed flush draws? The button bet T50. I moved all in and the third player folded. He called with A3o. Ouch.

My notes had him labeled as a guy who'd play any two suited cards, even calling substantial raises preflop with 97s, J7s, 87s, 82s, 46s... with that information I was itching to move all in against the guy. Bad move. I hate losing and getting knocked out of a tournament when I made a poor decision. I'd rather get bad beated out of a tourney... because that means I had the best hand when I got my money all in. Nothing you can do about bad beats. But poor decisions sit with you and fester. What's more frustrating? Getting no cards? Or getting no cards and making a bonehead move with no cards?

Last time I played in the $600 satellite... I was gun shy. I folded AK twice. I would have killed for AJ in this tourney! Or any Ax suited! It was one of those nights. No playable cards in late position. Marginal cards would have been monsters for me... couldn't even catch a break. I wish I could have a better write up, but when you only play a few hands... there's nothing much to say otherwise. Except... thanks for everyone who stopped by! You guys and gals rock.

Back to square one.

And in case you were wondering why I was playing so tight... here's every hand I was dealt... all 69 of them. How many of these would you have played?

Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Ks 3h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8c 7s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6h 5c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qc 9h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2h 3s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Jc 2c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qd Ad ] -- chased nut flush draw to the river and missed
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Tc 7d ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 5c 2s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 4s 2h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6s 5s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Th 4c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qc 2h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3c Kh ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2d Qc ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6s Qd ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6c 4s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 7s Kd ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 4d Jh ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3c 4h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Jh 4h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2d 5h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 4h Qs ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2d 2c ] -- saw flop and folded
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3c 5d ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8h 2c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 5c 9h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Ts 6s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3h Qd ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 7h 6c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 4d 6s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 5c 9s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 5h Kd ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Kc 6s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3c Td ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2d 8c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Td 5h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qc 2s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qh 5h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 9c 5s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8c Ad ] -- saw flop and folded
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2d Js ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Ts Kd ] -- folded preflop to two raises
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2s 4s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Jc 8d ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 5s 2s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qd 5s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 9d 9h ] -- won pot uncontested pre flop
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3c 4h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8h Tc ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8h 3s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 4h Td ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Qc 4h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6s Qc ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 3d Qh ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Jd Ks ] -- won pot bluffed on the flop
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 9c 7s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Js 7c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8c Qd ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 8d Js ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 2c 9d ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6d Qs ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Td 4c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Js 5h ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Jc 2s ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Ks 7d ] -- saw flop and folded
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ 6s 3c ]
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Kd 2s ] -- last hand

I can't recall an uglier run of cards. 99 and 22 were my two best hands! Followed by AQ and then A8. I guess I could have seen a flop or two with Qx or Kx, but that always seeemd to come tome in early position or having to calling a raise with crap.

Aussie Million Satellite

I'm playing at Party Poker tonight at 11:15pm EST in the $300 Aussie Million Satellite. The winner(s) will get a seat and an all expenses paid trip to Melbourne, Australia to the Crown Casino.

I played too tenative last time (in the $600 Aussie Satellite B) and tonight I hope to be hyper aggressive. I made two final tables in multis the last couple of days (1/160 and 7/70) and I feel confident about my game. If you don't know my screen name, shoot me an email, and I'll tell you the name I play under. See ya.

Late Night Blogger Hijinks

There was another blogger convention on Party Poker. I sat down with Studio Glyphic and Bad Blood at a NL ring table. Soon after, a few more bloggers joined and we had Halverson and Derek on the rail. Of course, a faithful reader... Hank987 stopped in!

The Players:
Seat 2: Bad Blood
Seat 5: Hank 987
Seat 6: Asphnxma from Riding the F Train
Seat 7: Pauly, M.D.
Seat 9: Otis
Seat 10: Studio Glyphic

I dropped a few bucks early when A-10 lost to KQ. I also lost a big pot to Bad Blood's KK with the friggin Hilton Sisters. Can't lay those bitches down sometimes. After four hours of play, I rallied back to break even! By the time I left, Bad Blood quadrupled his buy in. Here's some witty chat:

Dr. Pauly: damn, those hilton sisters blow
Dr. Pauly: trying to crack your AA
badblood: then i'd owe you a painting.

asphnxma: you are so full of shit, I know you didn't have slick
Dr. Pauly: OK, Mrs. Slick but she was soooted.

Dr. Pauly: i could use a thai hooker and a blunt right now
badblood: avoid the one's w/adam's apples

badblood: next thing you know, they'll take my thoughts away
Dr. Pauly: thats bush's job

Dr. Pauly: id like to duct tape (Avril LaVigne) to a fire hydrant
badblood: and then?
asphnxma: no and then!

Dr. Pauly: paris sucks, nicky swallows
Dr. Pauly: wheres alcantfold?
badblood: he watched a movie w/his wife of all things

Dr. Pauly: at this table... got AA 3x, QQ 5x, hammer 7 times
asphnxma: how freaking long have you been sitting here?
aasphnxma: talk about addict

badblood: top pair, ass for kicker
hank987: again I suck
Dr. Pauly: u don't suck, u just lack talent, hank... j/k

Dr. Pauly: ok kids i think its time to go
badblood: you can't go, all the plants will die
Studio Glyphic: for the hooker?
Dr. Pauly: for me to say g'nite and go write
Dr. Pauly: didnt win enough for a NYC escort
St_Glyphic: how about a new jersey one?

Dr. Pauly: See you at the A.A. (meeting) tomorrow Otis
Otis: I'll bring the coffee
Dr. Pauly: and I'll bring the high shcool girls
Dr. Pauly: Bad Blood... see u in hell
Dr. Pauly: hell is being handcuffed to Courtney Love for 8 hours

OK, I was a little loopy. But happy to win my money back! Regular players at our table must have thought we were crazy!

One Victory Away from Australia

"Follow Nature and place perfect principle in the forefront. If we follow it, there will be fortune, and if we disobey it, there will be misfortune." - Wang Pi

I've played zero poker aside from two SNGs in the previous seven days. I was busy with jury duty earlier in the week and I fell wicked sick last weekend. I wasn't sharp at all, so I thought. I wanted to ease back into the action. I decided to play a $10 multi table Aussie Million Qualifier on Party Poker. 160 players signed up and the top 4 places paid out seats in the $300 Satellite on Sunday night. The winners of that event go to Melbourne, Australia in January for the Australian Poker Championships. My mindset was to fire up Party Poker and read poker blogs. I figured I'd get knocked out in an hour, then I'd write for a few hours and crash. That didn't happen.

Level 1: I doubled up the super short stack at my table when I had 88 on the button and he moved all in. He was playing terrible hands the first ten minutes. I put him on King high. Nope. He had JJ. I flopped and 8, but he flopped his set! Oh well. T625 left while reading Lord Geznikor's blog. 135 players remained.

Level 3: Phil from Studio Glyphic sent me an IM and we started chatting. He was playing PL on Empire and when he was done, he installed Party Poker to watch me play and cheer from the rail. He brought me good luck. With one of the short stacks at my table, I moved all in in late position with AQs. The little blind had Big Slick and quickly called. I won my first of several hands where I was the clear underdog. That was the first bad beat I'd issue for the evening when I flopped a Q. T1278 and 92 players left, I was reading the random confessions of a NYC escort... Alexa's blog, one of my daily reads.

Level 4: No action for Big Slick. I won the blinds and got my only table change... to table #1, where I was 7th at the table in chips. At the end of the first break, I had T1553. The average stack 2400 and 67 players remained.

Level 5-6: I limped in UTG with AQ. the flop: Q-10-6. I bet the pot and the guy on the button raised and doubled my bet. I moved all in and he called with K6s! My top pair held up and I doubled up against the former table chip leader. I won small pots with 99, A-10s and AQ. I won a big one with Q3s in the big blind. I flopped top pair with a flush draw and won the pot on the turn with a big bet. I had T6071, about 8th in chips with 40 players left. I stopped reading blogs and hunkered down.

Level 8: I played just one hand... 66. I folded everything else. I was getting junk hands after junk hands. I was chipped down to T5521 by the second break. I slipped to 12th out of 22.

Level 9: Shorthanded I limped in MP with KJo. I hadn't played a hand in a while over a half hour. The flop: AJ8. I fired out at the pot right away. No callers and I added to my stack, which grew to over T7200. I found AJ in the LB. The button had almost 25K in chips. He busted six or seven guys. He always raised on the button, but that time he pushed his monster stack all in. I thought for a second and folded. I don't like AJ in NL and calling an all in bet with AJ is usually a sketchy move. I stole the blinds with 77 on the button and finished the level with T7461. I was 7th out of 16. Two tables left. Phil was still watching. I was getting sleepy.

Level 10: After a Snapple iced tea and some coffee cake I felt a little energized. I raised in LP with 10-10. The BB had AK and pushed his stack all in. I quickly called and it was a classic showdown. Pocket 10s vs. Big Slick. You have to win your share of coin flips with AK and against AK. He flopped a K. I caught running cards to hit a straight on the river! What a hand. I was up to T14242 and moved into 4th place overall. A few hands later, I lost a heads up pot to the short stack. He had A2s and I had AQ. Of course he hit his flush and my stack remained at over 10K. The table dropped from seven to six players and I caught a flurry of good hands. 77, AAA, AK... all of them held up. At the end of the level I had T13126. I was 5th in chips.

Level 11: I made the final table. I got no action with AA and the Hilton Sisters. The table got tight all of a sudden, as I expected. I had T12726, 5th out of 10.

Level 12: I raised a pot with AQ and the short stack moved all in with 77. I called and it was another coin flip situation. I ended up catching a straight on the turn to knock out the first guy at the final table. Places 1-4 won seats. Places 5-7 won some cash money ($144-86-57). I was confident at that point I was going to win a seat. I had been getting cards, hitting flops, and coming from behind in hands. After I stole a pot with QJ, I had T21950, 2nd out of 8 at the third break.

Level 13: I hit another flurry of hands in one orbit; A10s, A10, 88, 77, 55... and I folded all but one. At the end of the level I increased my stack to T28700, still second in chips with 8 players left.

Level 14: Another played was knocked out which insured that I won some prize money. I had 66, 88, and 99 and folded everything else. I found the Hilton Sisters and no one wanted to party with them. I was still in second with 6 players left, T33100.

Level 15: With five players left, I was heads up 66 vs. AK. The flop: K5Q. The turn: 6. Bam! I hit my set once again, coming from behind on the turn to win the biggest pot of the tournament. When the dust settled, I had T55440, the overall chip leader and won a seat in the satellite! I don't recall much afterwards... Within seven hands it was all over. I knocked out the last two guys with the better hand both times. When it was over, I was the last guy left sitting. I thanked Phil and pumped my fist in the air.

I got another shot at winning a trip to Australia. This time... I invested just $11. Tune into Party Poker on Sunday night at 11:15pm EST to watch me play in the $300 Aussie Million A Satellite. Until then... see ya.

Fantasy Pauly

Pauly's Pub Pigskin Pick'em - Week 4 Update

Team of the Week: TIE Coach's Picks & Ugarte's Last Stand 11 wins each

NOTE: The Scoresheet function on the espn fantasy website has been having glitches & bugs & problems. The scores are not accurate on that page (as it's been doing on the College pool as well). The main page has the correct standings.

Week 4 Results:
1 Coach's Picks 11
1 Ugarte's Last Stand 11
3 Chico's Bail Bonds 10
3 Oyster Bay Moore 10
3 AlCantPickEm 10
3 WhereMy NillasAt? 10
7 Well T'anks For Nuttin' 9
7 manny and ortiz 9
7 All My Sweet Bitches 9
10 Twinkle & Turquoise 8
10 Drunk Norsemen 8
10 Lovelace Leapsloth 8
10 BiG PERM BiG WORM 8
10 Uwannabet? 8
10 Punch You in the Eye 8
10 The Brooklyn Embeds 8
10 Smokin Ricky 8
18 Snot Bubbles 7
18 McNamara Entry 7
18 Bobby BigBalls 7
18 Shakedown Street 7
22 Austin Drunks 6
22 MoshPit badblood44 6
22 Cumberland Blues 6
22 Running Back Ribs 6
26 All In 5

Overall Standings:
1 Well T'anks For Nuttin' (Jerry) 39
2 Chico's Bail Bonds (Derek) 35
3 Coach's Picks (Coach) 34
3 All In (Landow) 34
3 manny and ortiz (B. Singer) 34
6 Uwannabet? (UWannaBet) 33
6 Snot Bubbles (Sean G.) 33
6 The Brooklyn Embeds (Gil) 33
6 Smokin Ricky (Senor) 33
10 McNamara Entry (Spider) 32
11 Austin Drunks (M. Stephans) 31
11 Ugarte's Last Stand (Charles Star, comedian, esq.) 31
11 Oyster Bay Moore (Joe Moore) 31
11 All My Sweet Bitches (Ty) 31
15 Twinkle & Turquoise (Jenna & Haley) 30
15 Drunk Norsemen (C. Halverson) 30
15 Lovelace Leapsloth (S. Lovelace) 30
15 Punch You in the Eye (Pauly 2) 30
15 MoshPit badblood44 (Bad Blood) 30
20 AlCantPickEm (Al CantHang) 29
20 BiG PERM BiG WORM (Armen) 29
22 Shakedown Street (Pauly 1) 28
22 Bobby BigBalls (C. Hardin) 28
24 WhereMy NillasAt? (Boy Genius) 26
25 Cumberland Blues (Hungus) 25
26 Running Back Ribs (Schanzer) 23

The Skinny Week 4: The boys at the Blue Parrot had a stellar week. Both Coach and Ugarte shared team of the week honors when Coach's Picks and Ugarte's Last Stand knocked out a 11-3 record. Chico's Bail Bonds and everyone's favorite wall street bond trader's team Oyster Bay Moore were a close second with 10 wins. Poker bloggers Boy Genius and AlCantHang shrugged off slow starts to also go 10-4 in week 4.

Overall: Jerry and Well T'anks for Nuthin are still leading the pack after the first month of play. He opened up a four win lead over Derek and Chico's Bail Bonds (last year's co-winner). Landow and All In's subpar week let him slip to a third place tie with Coach's hot team, Coach's Picks and Singer's team Manny & Ortiz to round out the top 5.

In other news, I'm getting harassing emails from the only female entry in the league. Both my teams can't seem to out pace the chick's picks Twinkle & Turquoise. They insist thatthey are not color coordinating their picks based on team uniforms. I dunno what's wrong. My mathematical system is not working this year. I have the hottest team in my college football pool over the last three weeks. I'm winning my Grid Iron pool. I'm killing Daddy's Crush Your Bookie pool. I'm in second place in Al Cant Hangs pool... yet, I can't seem to pick consistent winners on ESPN! I'm in the hole... but I'm ready to make a run. I'm down by 11 and if I can make up 1 win a week, I'll catch Jerry and Derek by Christmas! Watch out....

Payment Information: I have not gotten payment from more than half the league! Get off your asses you lazy fucks! If you don't pay me by Halloween, I'll send Al Cant Hang to your house. He'll drink all your booze and eat all your food until you pay me.

Best of luck this week. Don't forget to do your picks!!!


Pull my finger!


Grid Iron Week 4 Results

Team of the Week: Rib Boy's Latrells 129

Week 4 Results:
1 Rib Boy's Latrells 129
2 Mary-Kate's Nosebleed 111
3 Uncle Jodd's Band 108
4 Trained Professional 104
5 The Brooklyn Embeds 102
6 Robber Barons 99
7 Porkchops & Applesauce 98
8 Your Enemies Friend 72

Season Results:
1 Uncle Jodd's Band (Senor & Pauly) 543
2 Rib Boy's Latrells (Derek) 524
2 Mary-Kate's Nosebleed (Pauly) 524
4 The Brooklyn Embeds (Gil) 514
5 Trained Professional (Boy Genius) 495
6 Porkchops & Applesauce (JoeMoore) 469
7 Robber Barons (Armen) 455
8 Your Enemies Friend (Spider) 453

The Skinny: This was the first week where the scores were not so impressive. The entire league average was just 88 points. Derek and Rib Boy's Latrells won team of the week outpacing both my teams. He moved up from 4th to a second place tie with Mary-Kate's Nosebleed. My team with Senor, Uncle Jodd's Band is tops for a second straight week rounding out the top 3.


College Football Pool - Week 5 Update

Team of the Week: The Ventian Blinds 44 points (7-3)

Week 5 Results:
1 The Venetian Blinds 44
2 AlCantHang 43
3 WhatyaTalkin AboutWillis? 40
4 Chico's Bail Bonds 39
5 Porkchops & Apple Sauce 38
6 Sheer Entry 34
7 Landow 34
8 Austin Drunks 33
9 Ugarte's Last Stand 29
10 Muff State Pie Boys 20

Overall Standings:
1 Chico's Bail Bonds (Derek) 227
2 AlCantHang 224
2 Austin Drunks (M. Stephans) 224
4 The Venetian Blinds (Poker Nerd) 221
5 WhatyaTalkin AboutWillis? (Pauly) 217
6 Ugarte's Last Stand (Charles Star, comedian, esq.) 188
7 Sheer Entry (SENOR) 187
8 Landow 153
9 Porkchops & Apple Sauce (Joe Moore) 145
10 Killer Gophers (Halverson) 137
11 Buckeye! (Ferrari) 124
11 Muff State Pie Boys (Spider) 124

The Skinny: Couple of upsets. Notre Dame lost their first game. Alabama and Fresno State lost. The Poker Nerd and The Venetian Blinds took team of the week honors edging out Al Cant Hang. Derek and Chico's Bail Bonds are in first place with Al Cant Hang and Austin Drunks rounding out the top 3. My team is the hottest over the previous three weeks! Watch out, I'm gunning for first place after a crappy start!

Big games this week.