The At Large Blog

We admit, the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme makes us nervous.

Of all the things that are in, we’d be hard pressed to find something more in than frozen yogurt. That’s the only explanation for the glut of frozen yogurt establishments bursting from the ground fully formed, like Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. By process of elimination, that would probably mean ice cream is out … But just try getting between us and our Chunky Monkey.

Tablets, particularly iPads, are in – people carry them around now like your gym teacher used to carry around that stupid clipboard. But don’t worry, your smartphone is still in, at least until they figure out how to attach an iPad to the side of your head while you drive. And now that everyone has a tablet, laptops are on their way out, and all the desktop computers have now been dismantled and turned into yogurt shops.

In: Physical education

For sports fans, learning is in: In 2012 we learned about the dangers of concussions, what “blood doping" is, the difference between sanctions and the “death penalty” in college football, and how many owners and hockey players it takes to settle a contract (lots, apparently). And as a result of those things, helmet-to-helmet contact, cycling, bowl games and hockey are all out. Especially if you’re trying to do them all at once. Multi-tasking is out.

We’ve also learned everything there is to know about Fenway Park, which is in thanks to its 100th anniversary. Fenway stands as a testament to the park’s wonderful and storied history, and to the fact that nobody’s ever been willing to put up the dough to build a new one. As to what goes on INSIDE Fenway Park … More of that below under “Out.”

Football, though, is in: Sunday Night Football is the highest-rated show going, even higher than Monday Night Football, because let’s face it, by Monday night we’re already exhausted. Tom Brady remains the in quarterback, with his supermodel wife, perfect little kids and steely good looks. So what if Eli Manning beat him in the Super Bowl? Winning the Super Bowl is out.

In other Patriots news, tight end Rob Gronkowski is in even though he’s been out: Fortunately, even though he’s been off the field, we’ve had plenty of Dunkin’ Donuts commercials to keep us from going into withdrawal. Oh, Gronk, you’ve done it again! Dunkin’ Donuts is in.

We’ve also learned the ins and outs of fantasy football, which is even more in than real football, at least among people looking for yet another way to distract themselves from their families. You know who you are.

Fantasy basketball is out, but real basketball is in, especially as long as hockey is out – if it weren’t for basketball we’d have to watch professional wrestling. (Professional wrestling is out.) LeBron James is back in despite ticking off all of Cleveland because, let’s face it, nobody is really concerned about how Cleveland feels. Cleveland is out.

And finally, we learned the tearful, inspiring back-stories of hundreds of Olympic athletes, who all had one thing in common: We forgot about them as soon as the Olympics ended. The exception is Michael Phelps, thanks to his 19 medals, and those Subway commercials. Subway is in.

In general, though, the Olympics are also in, because otherwise how could we justify them pre-empting all those episodes of “America’s Got Talent”? Talent is out.

OUT: Cheating and skipping class

Claiming that they weren’t really doing it and besides, everybody else was doing it is no longer the in excuse for dopers, steroid users and people who’ve been injected in their buttock regions by friends, co-workers and acquaintances. You know who you are.

Most out of all of these is Lance Armstrong, who has single-handedly dragged cycling squarely into the out column, much like Tiger Woods did to golf a few years back. By the way, golf: Still out.

They didn’t cheat, but when it comes to baseball teams, you can’t get much more out than the Boston Red Sox, who decided about three-quarters of the way through the season that the best way to deal with their problems was to trade away the entire team and put uniforms on the guys sweeping up peanut shells from the grandstands. So far, so good! By the way, manager Bobby Valentine is WAY out, but peanuts are in.

As for the class-skippers, those would include hockey players – although in their defense, they were actually “locked out,” so couldn’t show up if they wanted to. (Being locked out is in.) And technically they really are working, just in Sweden and Finland. Sweden and Finland: also in, but hockey remains out.

For a while, also AWOL were the NFL referees, until their replacements, in a few short weeks, almost managed to turn the entire institution of professional football into a smoking crater. Maybe now we’ll learn to appreciate the real referees! Naaaaaah.

Tomorrow: All the rest

Admit it, you want to live with these people.

Letting your iPhone (a.k.a. “Siri,” with whom you’re already, let’s face it, a little bit in love) do your thinking for you is in, and doing actual thinking is out. In a related story, inching ever closer to the inevitable robot revolution is in.

President Obama is, amazingly, in, despite caving in to the GOP left and right. But thanks to him, Osama bin Laden is out, so maybe it’s a wash.

The Tea Party is over. Please go back to your militias and wait for the impending government invasion.

Electric cars are still out, because despite the fact that they may save the world, they’re wussy. What we need is an electric car the size of a tank, preferably with machine guns mounted on the sides. Electric-powered machine guns, that is.

Thanks to the Green Bay Packers, cheese is in. And thanks to Tim Tebow, praying is in, and groping women, texting images of your private area and running dog-fighting rings are out. Take that, Satan!

Denying global warming is out, now that it’s too late. Fiddling while the world warms up is in.
Zombies continue to be in, and why wouldn’t they be? But vampires are suffering from overkill (sorry) and werewolves are just plain out. Yes, even “Teen Wolf.” OK, especially “Teen Wolf.”

Oprah is out of sight, but not out of mind. At least not at our house, thanks to our wall-sized Oprah shrine.

And finally, probably owing to the state of the economy, scaled-back versions of in-and-out lists are in. And you know what that means: We’re outta here!

Follow Peter Chianca on Twitter at twitter.com/pchianca.

In: Collapsing

Just when you thought the baseball season was destined for another ho-hum conclusion, the Red Sox and the Atlanta Braves suddenly and unexpectedly began engaging in a death struggle to see who could suffer the most complete and embarrassing September breakdown. It was close, but Boston pulled it out! Pulling it out is in.

As a result the Sox are out, especially Terry Francona, Theo Epstein and Jonathan Papelbon, who are all now out of town. Boston fans probably shouldn’t have been surprised, though, given the Patriots’ collapse against the Jets in last season’s playoffs and the Celtics’ collapse against Miami in the semifinals. Let’s face it, they all folded like cheap umbrellas. Cheap umbrellas are in.

The exception of course was the Boston Bruins, who managed to ward off the Canucks to take the Stanley Cup. Warding off Canucks is in, and if you don’t believe us, just try spending some time in Canada. This just goes to show you that even though they’re the lowest paid and the most unkempt of professional athletes, if you just give them a shot, hockey players will beat you within an inch of your life.

Out: Working

Actually showing up seems to be becoming a problem in professional athletics, with exhibit “A” being the almost-aborted NBA season. Of course, the players were “locked out” by the owners, who were very upset that the players were making all that money for doing the playing when they felt they should be making more money for doing the owning. We’re paraphrasing but we think that was basically it. Owning is out.

Of course the NFL also had a lockout, but luckily that one occurred during the preseason, when most of the players on the field tend to be strangers who’ve wandered in from the parking lot. (The preseason is out.) Fortunately they were able to resolve that, and now the players are out there playing, with the exception of the Patriots’ defense.

Baseball players have no trouble showing up for work, because, let’s face it, who’s working? Pass the chicken wings!

TOMORROW: All the rest!

In: Everything Old (ideas, that is)

Of the top 10 movies of 2011, eight were sequels and two were based on superheroes who were invented in 1962 and 1941, respectively. And the big family movie of the holiday season featured ancient Muppets (who, granted, never really went away, thank God). Apparently, original ideas are out.

But nostalgia is in! This may be because in a tough economy and with so much unrest in the world, we look back to the things that gave us comfort in our youth — you know, things like the first four “Fast and the Furious” movies. It’s the next best thing to curling up with a blowup doll shaped like Vin Diesel. Blowup dolls are in.

Even the new ideas are old, with TV shows like “Mad Men,” “Pan Am” and “Boardwalk Empire” taking us back to a simpler time, when men were men, and women were stewardesses, and a guy who looked like Steve Buscemi could attract flappers. And in music, top artists include Lady Gaga, who musicologists believe may have stepped out of a time-traveling Delorean straight from 1984, and Adele, who sounds like she just opened for Ella Fitzgerald in Berlin in 1960. (Ella Fitzgerald is still in.)

Musicians who are actually old are also in, judging from the excitement over pending tours by Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty and even the reunited Beach Boys, who will be performing the entire tour in white tank-top undershirts, too-short swim trunks and black socks with sandals. Sandals are in.

The most original idea of the year, meanwhile, comes in the form of “The Artist,” the Oscar-buzzy black-and-white silent movie set in the 1920s. We can only hope that means silent films are in, because that would greatly improve the next Adam Sandler movie. Adam Sandler is out.

Out: Everything Old (media, that is)

Ironically, even though no one’s had an original idea in years, we’re determined to consume all these old concepts on media that looks like it was beamed here from the planet Zarcon.
That means watching movies in movie theaters is out, watching TV on those boxy old sets that could trap you for days if one fell on top of you is out, and reading things on paper is especially out. If you’re reading this on paper right now, we can only hope it’s as you lay it down on the bottom of your cat box, you silly old coot.

Those seeking not to be out have gone in to their local electronics retailer and purchased an iPad, a Kindle and a 3-D hi-def TV with the relative thickness of a Saltine. DVDs are out, and so are CDs, so the in crowd is streaming its movies and music from “The Cloud,” which is likely to become the name of a Steven King novel you read on your Kindle within the next year. The Cloud is in. (It’s just Netflix that’s out.)

There is one exception to this trend, that being vinyl records, which are in among audiophiles, hipsters and stoners alike. Sometimes all three of those are the same person. You know who you are.

TOMORROW: Ins and Outs in Sports

Ah, the new year — what better time to take stock of what’s really important? You know, things like what’s in and what’s out in news, politics, entertainment, sports and life in general. But don’t worry, we’ll do all the heavy lifting. Heavy lifting is out.

In: Uprisings

In case you were wondering, we’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore, whatever “it” is. As to who “we” are, it’s basically everybody. Not taking it anymore is in.

Around these parts, occupying was in, whether it was Wall Street, Boston or Wal-Mart on Black Friday. In each case, the result involved pepper spray. Pepper spray is in.

The Occupy movement may not have had a clear agenda, but it did get across at least one important message: the 99 percent are in, and the 1 percent are out. Unless you’re talking about living in mansions, owning yachts and eating fois gras, in which case, it’s the 1 percent who are in, and the 99 percent who are outside, looking in. You know who you are.

Of course, in other places around the world, occupying got a little more hardcore. We’re talking about places like Libya, Tunisia and Egypt, where protests were less about drum circles and portable libraries set up like little literary M*A*S*H units, and more about armed dissidents setting things on fire. In other countries, arming dissidents is in. They eat pepper spray for breakfast in these places. We’re pretty sure we mean that literally.

Standing up for our rights is also in, whether it be same-sex marriage, saying “Merry Christmas” or having a Facebook feed that doesn’t look like the MSNBC news ticker threw up. Granted, not all these carry the same moral weight, but it’s the idea that counts. Moral relativism is in.

Out: Accountability

Taking responsibility isn’t exactly a huge pastime right now. For instance, the Occupiers don’t want to pay their student loans or replace the sod that came up when they pitched their REI tents. And rich people don’t want to pay higher taxes, and by “higher” they of course mean “any.” And Kim Kardashian doesn’t want to stay married. Being married to a Kardashian is out.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the world of politics, which resembles Khazad-Dum in Middle Earth, except with more Orcs. For instance, you have people like Rep. Anthony Weiner, who thought it was perfectly fine to send close-up pictures of his underwear to strange women and then lie about it. This wouldn’t have been acceptable even if the underwear still had been in its original packaging, although that certainly would have been better.

Then there are the GOP presidential candidates, such as Herman Cain, who dropped out of the race after he was accused of sexual harassment or illicit affairs by … wait, let us check our notes … EVERYBODY. He admitted no wrongdoing, and said instead that he would be going on to “Plan B.” Plan Bs are in.

Mitt Romney, meanwhile, refuses to accept accountability for his previous, more moderate stances, saying that the media have taken his entire life out of context. (Context is out.) To his credit, Newt Gingrich has taken full responsibility for every one of his 230 affairs. Wait, that’s actually the number of people Rick Perry has executed. It’s so hard to keep up. Keeping up is out.

Others who’ve failed to take responsibility for their questionable actions include Casey Anthony, Charlie Sheen, Rupert Murdoch and Alec Baldwin. Arnold Schwarzenegger, for his part, did in fact take credit for the love child he fathered with his maid, but only after the boy started talking in an Austrian accent. Austrian accents are out.

TOMORROW: Ins and Outs in Entertainment.

IN:

The iPad. Actually, these tablet computers are sort of in and out. They’re in because people have scooped them up by the millions, and they might revolutionize the way we interact with the Web. They’re out because I don’t have one, and saying that over and over again is the only I can keep from crying myself to sleep each night.

Smartphones are also in because using a phone just to talk to somebody is what the cavemen did right before bludgeoning the guy in the next cave with a giant stick. Just ask your 11-year-old.

2) Social media. Remember when that caveman bludgeoned that guy? Then he went out and socialized face-to-face with other human beings rather than interfacing with them via a social media platform. Cavemen are out, and so are other human beings.

Facebook is in, though — even movies about Facebook are in. But aren’t you glad you aren’t Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, now that you know that for all his billions, he’s kind of lonely? No, me either.

3) Cheap eats. As the economy slowly trickles back into a reasonable state of healthiness (reasonable states of healthiness are in, as long as the co-pay isn’t too high), people are still cutting back where they can. So even if they’re not doing fast food, because Happy Meals are evil (EEEEEVILLLLL!), people are at least sticking with food that moves at a fairly brisk pace and may come with a baguette.

Except for rich people, who are reportedly spending the entirety of their tax cut on foie gras.

4) Jeans that aren’t actually jeans. Denim has served us well for a good 150 years, so why we have to go messing with it now is beyond me. (The last thing we need is a repeat of the great acid wash debacle of 1983.) But for some reason jeggings are in, even though we’re pretty sure these jean-leggings actually prevent the blood from ever getting to your feet. Expect women to start tipping over any minute now.

More our speed are PajamaJeans, which are … wait, let me check my notes … Pajamas that look exactly like jeans! Meaning that from now on, whenever we wear our pajamas in public, fewer people will know.

5) Reading. Reading is back, baby! As long as you do it on a Kindle or an iPad or in little bursts on your phone while you’re waiting for the bus. Actual paper books are out, except to put under the leg of a crooked table. Try doing that with your Kindle, and you’ll be out $139.

OUT:

1) Laptops and iPods. Now that everybody except me has an iPad, carrying around that tremendous, leg-crushing laptop seems downright quaint. As for that PC on your desk, this is the equivalent of the IBM computer that used to take up an entire room and required a team of engineers just to remove the other team of engineers who got trapped inside it looking for a missing punch card.

As for iPods, the ones that just hold music are completely useless since your phone can do that now. However, the iPod Touch is in because you can touch it. Touching is in. (Not you, Brett Favre.)

2) MySpace. If anyone remembers what this was, please message me on Facebook and let me know.

3) Demonizing pot. Now that marijuana is only sorta, kinda illegal, everyone is embarrassed about all those years spent referring to it as evil (EEEEEVILLLLL!) — not as evil as Happy Meals but still bad. Now, we realize our energies should be devoted elsewhere, like keeping kids from texting while driving, which is very much out. Texting while smoking pot will forever be in, though.

4) Baggy clothes. This is bad news for those of us who haven’t given up Happy Meals. We know who we are. These include the infamously shapeless “mom jeans,” although if that means Mom will be wearing jeggings from now on, we’re skipping Mother’s Day brunch this year.

5) Passing judgment. Yes, times are hard. But that just means it’s especially important we all stick together and avoid name-calling, jumping to conclusions and engaging in divisive activities. You know, such as arbitrarily declaring what’s in and what’s out.

Uh-oh.

IN:

1) Shaq. Have Boston and a slightly faded superstar ever embraced each other so enthusiastically? (Ben Affleck doesn’t count; he was born here.) Shaq has played for such teams as the Miami Heat, the — gag! — L.A. Lakers and the Cleveland Cavaliers. But now he’s a Celtic, and it seems this is what Shaq was always supposed to be. Well, besides being a Comcast spokesman with the guy who said “Bueller?”

2) Theo. Last year, it looked like Theo Epstein had gone off the rails, declaring the upcoming season a “bridge year” and signing an odd mélange of players who didn’t exactly have people running to buy the new jerseys. But this year, with Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez wrapped up, he’s back to being the (36-year-old) boy genius. Unless, of course, the Sox don’t win the World Series next season — come on, it’s been four years, we’re getting antsy!

3) No-hitters. Is it us, or have these gotten easier? Maybe all those steroids wearing off have left the batters atrophied or partially blind or brain-addled. (Or all three.) Steroids are out.

Umpires, too, are in, except for the ones who blew calls over and over again in 2010, including the one who denied Armando Galarraga his perfect game. What? That’s all of them? OK, then: They’re ouuuuuuut!

4) Taking your shirt off and painting yourself your team colors. This never gets old.

5) Soccer. In the wake of the World Cup drama, this was the year soccer finally captured the hearts and minds of the American sports-viewing public, taking its place beside football and baseball as one of the most engrossing, captivating … Oh, who am I kidding? Soccer is still out. But vuvuzelas are in!

OUT:

1) LeBron. Shaq is on top of the world, but the other big-name sports move hasn’t worked out quite as well. We’re talking to you, King James. LeBron’s “I’m taking my talents to South Beach” TV special was an unprecedented, self-made public relations disaster. The only thing that could have made it worse is if he ended it by opening Al Capone’s vault.

2) Upstanding All-American quarterbacks. Whether they’re serving probation for dog fighting (Michael Vick), on suspension for alleged sexual assault (Ben Roethlisberger) or texting their junk to anyone and everyone (Brett Favre and presumably almost everybody else in the NFL), quarterbacks are not looking good right now. Except for Tom Brady, of course, who is still a great American role model and Ugg spokesman, not necessarily in that order.

3) Red Sox “new” faces. Ah, Victor Martinez and Adrian Beltre, we hardly knew ye. They became welcome fixtures after the Red Sox suffered more injuries than the cast of the Spider-Man musical, but as Theo puts together his newest would-be championship squad, they’ve been sent out of town. Sad but necessary, since being out of the playoffs — or not getting into them in the first place — is definitely out. (The Spider-Man musical: also out.)

4) Randy Moss. If there’s any major sports figure who had a greater “My God, what have I done?” moment than LeBron, it’s poor Randy, who at last blush was playing for … wait, let me check … ah, right, the Tennessee Titans. Maybe he’ll come back to the Patriots some day, if he ever starts catching balls again. Naaaaaaaaah.

5) Golf. That’s right, Tiger Woods didn’t just ruin his marriage, he took an entire sport with him. Men can’t even play the Tiger Woods videogames anymore without getting glares from their wives and girlfriends. Maybe Tiger should try a new endeavor … I’m thinking NFL quarterback.

TOMORROW: In and Out in Lifestyles

IN:

1) Zombies vs. Vampires. Forget about Team Edward vs. Team Jacob. “Twilight” might still be in among a certain segment of the population (the segment who won’t date any boy who doesn’t “sparkle”), but these days it’s all Team Vampire vs. Team Zombie. Both undead types have taken over TV, with “True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries” and “The Walking Dead” tearing up the screen, often literally. Meanwhile, werewolves are out — just ask Benicio Del Toro.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that vampires and zombies are the only game in town. Superheroes are more in than ever, with “Iron Man 2” leading the way for movies starring Captain America, Thor and eventually The Avengers. If they ever get around to Rom: Spaceknight, you know we’re in trouble. (And if you know who Rom: Spaceknight is, you’re as much of a nerd as I am.)

Pixar remains in thanks to “Toy Story 3,” and Harry Potter will be bowing out when the last movie turns up next summer. Movies that are too cool to be understood are also in, judging by flicks like “Inception” and “Shutter Island.” Leonardo DiCaprio is also apparently too cool to be understood, but he’s still in.

2) Pop music. Taylor Swift has taken over the world, but she’s not alone. Lady Gaga and Katy Perry are giving her a run for her money and might get the edge by wearing meat and flashing Elmo, respectively. Flashing Elmo is in. You know who you are.

And Justin Bieber is in as the immensely popular source of derision among hipsters. Personally, I think he’s pretty cool, at least until his inevitable press conference when he peels off his face and reveals himself to be a fire-breathing, soul-stealing demon from the depths of hell. Soul stealing is in.

3) TV with a brain. What is it with all these shows that don’t insult your intelligence? Programs like “Mad Men,” “Modern Family,” “Parks and Recreation” and “The Big Bang Theory” are giving the entire mindless medium a bad name. Luckily, we still have “Two and a Half Men,” which more than fulfills our quota of smarmy, obvious sex jokes told by losers. Speaking of which, women inexplicably continue to come within 100 yards of Charlie Sheen, which must mean he’s still in. No, not prison.

The smartest, funniest character on TV is, of course, Conan O’Brien, who might not be on NBC anymore but is all the more in because of it. Thanks to Conan, TBS is also in. George Lopez? Maybe next year.

4) Book series. Call it the Potter effect: One book is simply not enough anymore. These days “To Kill a Mockingbird” would just be the first book of a seven-part series in which Scout and Boo Radley outwit rednecks.

Harry and friends have gone off to that big publishing house in the sky, but dozens of other series have popped up to take their place. Like “The Hunger Games” trilogy, in which futuristic teens must battle each other to the death. It’s sort of like a post-apocalyptic “Henry and Beezus.” (Henry and Beezus are out, but Ramona and Beezus are in, thanks to the Selena Gomez movie adaptation. Selena Gomez is in, somehow.)

For younger kids, “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” (up to book five and counting!) has paved the way for dozens of other books that mix prose and cartoons. For grown-ups, the creepy and violent “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” series is in, even though it doesn’t have any cartoons, thank God.

5) Game time. No, not board games — not only are they out, but no one has even seen one since the early ’90s. Those board game displays you see at Toys R Us are actually just the false front of the entrance to the secret underground employees-only paintball field.

No, I, of course, mean video games, such as “Call of Duty: Black Ops,” which certain people have been playing nonstop since its release, taking only short breaks to eat, sleep and twitch uncontrollably. But not every game is a high-def graphics extravaganza. Smartphone users of all ages are hooked on “Angry Birds,” our latest excuse for never actually having to look up. Looking up is out.

OUT:

1) 3-D. When 3-D is good, like in “Toy Story 3” or “Despicable Me,” it’s neat, or at least not distracting. When 3-D is bad, like in “Clash of the Titans,” it’s like you’ve just paid 15 bucks to spend two hours in a giant migraine machine. And when the 3-D and the movie are both bad, like in “The Last Airbender,” you might find yourself overtaken by an uncontrollable desire to go to Hollywood and pummel the producer with a paddle ball.

Thankfully, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I” eschewed 3-D, but Part II will apparently use it. Better be prepared to get poked in the eye by a wand. Poking is in.

2) Pop music. Wait, did I say pop music is in? I wasn’t taking into account Miley Cyrus (a.k.a. Hannah Montana) or the Jonas Brothers, who seem destined to be lifetime residents of the Disney ghetto, sharing a room with those squirrelly boys who play Zack and Cody for all eternity, like a tween Sartre play.

And poor Christina Aguilera flopped both with her comeback album “Bionic” and her movie “Burlesque” with Cher. Could Cher finally be … out? Naaaaaaaaah.

3) Stupid TV. So “30 Rock” is too smart for your tastes? There’s always its time slot competitor “$#*! My Dad Says,” which is worth hating simply because it was based on a Twitter feed, and nobody has approached you about making a TV show out of your Twitter feed. But the jokes are another good reason; this is the bad William Shatner, the one from “Kingdom of the Spiders.”

But most of the stupid people on TV are, sadly, real. Kate Gosselin, David Hasselhoff and a certain former vice presidential candidate fond of skinning caribou are all giving reality shows a bad name, which is not easy to do. And poor Jay Leno and his obvious humor are finally out, even if he’s back in his old time slot.

3) Talk show hosts. Oprah is still on her way out, although as we all know she’s really on her way up, to a giant plush couch in the sky where she will be crowned queen of the universe. Larry King will probably not have the same fate. He’ll likely just kick back and spend some quality time doing things like attending his kids’ Little League games, where he can tell the other parents about the time he asked Ty Cobb whether it was true that he invented the Cobb salad.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are in but not as talk-show hosts. As the only people reporting the news of the day in a format that provides actual facts and context, they’re the in newsmen. All the other newsmen are out. Sorry, Katie Couric.

5) Youngsters. Miley might be tanking, but 61-year-old Bruce Springsteen’s “The Promise” boxed set is selling like hotcakes, and Rod Stewart, 65, has now gone platinum with every song written between 1940 and 1955. Our biggest movie stars are Johnny Depp, 47, Robert Downey, Jr., 45, and Leonardo DiCaprio, the baby at 36, while Sylvester Stallone, 64, and his aging cronies had one of the biggest hits of the summer with “The Expendables.” The comedy world is mourning Leslie Nielsen, who passed away at 84, and who could be more in than Betty White, still baking her muffins at 88?

The exception is anyone who’s the progeny of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. The Smiths are in.

TOMORROW: In and Out in Sports

Sure, times are tough, and everybody is angry at the government, corporate America, the entertainment industry and each other. But is that any excuse for not keeping up with what’s in and out in politics, arts, culture and life in general? Of course not.

So as the year winds down, let’s put our differences aside and take a look at the things we’ve declared to be in and out in the categories of News and Politics, Entertainment, Sports and Life in the USA. Then afterwards, we’ll hug.

Today's installment: News and Politics.

IN:

1) Sarah Palin and the Tea Party. Ah, Sarah Palin … Is there anything she can’t do? She survives encounters with grizzly bears on her reality show. Her daughter gets to the finals of “Dancing With The Stars.” She makes up words, and we add them into the dictionary. So what if she doesn’t know the difference between North and South Korea, wants to stifle the press and, if elected president, would probably sign a law making it legal to club liberals to death like baby seals? She’s got moxie, baby!

She’s also got major cred with the Tea Party movement, which hates profligate government spending, except for the eight years when George Bush was doing it. They’re going to take the country back from President Obama, who somehow snuck into the White House despite being the world’s first Kenyan-born socialist fascist Marxist, whatever any of those words mean.

As for Sen. Scott Brown … He’s not only in, he’s dreamy. There, I said it.

2) Leaking. It seems only appropriate that in an age where we regurgitate every previously private fact and facet (and photo!) from our lives via our phones and computers, someone should be out there doing the same thing for the government. Sure, eventually WikiLeaks will probably release something that will threaten our national security, but it’s worth it to know (for example) that our diplomatic corps thinks that Russia’s Dmitry Medvedev “plays Robin to Putin’s Batman.” If that involves green briefs and a yellow-laced red bodice, count me in!

3) Patting and probing. Along the same lines, given the number of people broadcasting pictures of their personal, er, information via their cell phone cameras, it’s probably not surprising that most people are perfectly willing to submit to full-body scans in order to get on a plane. We’re a little nervous about the people who choose the “enhanced pat-down” option, though, particularly the ones who tip the TSA agent afterwards. Being a TSA agent is in.

4) Marriage. Marriage is in among people of all stripes and sexes, and it’s only a matter of time before any two people who love each other, in any state, can become legally bound for life. Or at least until they get tired of each other, at which time they’ll all have equal opportunity to pay attorneys exorbitant amounts to sort out who gets the furniture. Attorneys are in.

5) Ash. As in volcanic ash, which made big headlines when it grounded planes all over the world, forcing people to spend days stuck in airports, getting extra pat-downs. The good thing about the ash that erupted from the volcano under the Eyjafjallajokull glacier (or as Sarah Palin pronounces it, Eyjamacallit) is that we’re pretty sure it’s not our fault, unlike everything else up there destroying the environment and warming the planet. Not that that’s stopped Al Gore from going on the road with his “Inconvenient Volcano” PowerPoint presentation. Al Gore is out.

OUT:

1) Hope. Also change. President Obama has had two whole years to reform government, get everybody jobs and health care and turn Washington into a bipartisan utopia where politicians as diametrically opposed as Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner can work together and, eventually, kiss passionately. The fact that he hasn’t is the fault of the Republicans, who have blocked the president at every turn by glaring icily at him, at which point he considers giving them a stern talking-to, and then immediately caves in. Caving in is in.

Democrats are out — out of style, out of office and generally out of sorts. Take New York Rep. Charlie Rangel, who’s looked a little queasy ever since being “censured” by Congress for ethics violations. Luckily all that money he saved not paying taxes on his rental property in the Dominican Republic can buy a lot of Pepto-Bismol.

2) Working. More and more people are opting not to work, “opting” meaning getting laid off, searching unsuccessfully for another job for 16 or 18 months and then collapsing from exhaustion. But the government will probably keep extending unemployment benefits, as long as the Republicans in Congress can verify that no one is abusing the system by actually using them.

3) War. Well, war itself isn’t out per se — we’re in at least two of them right now, I think — but talking about them certainly is. Not a single candidate made our armed conflicts an issue in the mid-term elections. That’s probably because everyone is in universal agreement about the importance of our mission in Afghanistan, whatever that is.

The troops are, of course, still in, even the ones that are out — of the closet, that is, now that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has finally been repealed. Now gay people can be just as open about it in the military as they are in other careers, like musical theater or construction.

4) Oil. It costs a fortune, it imbues our Middle Eastern adversaries (and even our allies) with unfair leverage, and when it spills, it gets all over our turtles. We might finally be at the point when we realize that oil is just not worth it and start coming up with alternative sources of energy, just as soon as someone perfects an invisible wind turbine. Having to look at wind turbines from your yacht is still out.

5) Taxes. OK, when is everybody going to get this straight: The less rich people pay in taxes; the fewer poor people there are. It’s a scientific fact, or something. So leave the rich people alone with their tax cuts and get back to looking for a job already.

Incidentally, despite coming this close to wrecking the entire world economy and plunging society into a global depression, rich people are still in. We’re still not quite sure how they pulled off.

TOMORROW: In and Out in Entertainment

It's our annual review of everything that’s in and out in society, politics, fashion, the arts and life in general! Today: Lifestyles.

IN:

1) Social networking. Remember humans? You know, those fleshy creatures with arms and legs and eyeballs? No, me neither. That’s because all my friends, even the formerly human ones, are now avatars on Twitter and Facebook. It’s the best way to keep in touch with friends and acquaintances, both old and new, without ever having to actually see or converse with them. Fist bumps are tough, but I’m sure they’ll come up with a virtual one soon. (By the way, both avatars and “Avatar” are in.)

2) Doing it yourself. Used to be when something broke in your house, or you needed new tile in your kitchen, or you wanted a new room to put your widescreen TV, you’d call a guy. Well, no longer: Now you just call the guy after your screw these things up yourself and can’t figure out how to fix it. Luckily, you can no longer afford a widescreen TV, so you don’t need that room anymore.

3) Bargain groceries. Those fancy supermarkets that sell organic vegetables and pre-made gourmet meals and 47 different varieties of hummus (chipotle? really?) are just as suave as ever — and they’re also out. Because the grocery stores with the white floors that have been off-white since 1987 and the bins where you can buy rock-hard caramels for a nickel each are what’s fitting into our budget. Au revoir, semi-firm Gruyère!

4) Skinny jeans. If skinny jeans were only for skinny people, I wouldn’t have a problem with this. But it’s the other people, the ones who look like they just stepped out of an industrial strength dryer, that I’m concerned about. Mark my words: The person who invents fat jeans will make a fortune.

Tall boots are also back in — it’s only a matter of time before we’re all dressed like musketeers. But Crocs, alas, are out, as much as you’d think brightly colored plastic shoes with holes in them would be popular for all eternity.

5) Reading. Here’s the thing about books: You don’t need a cable hookup or a satellite dish. You don’t need $12 per person for tickets or $25 for popcorn. You don’t need 3-D glasses or a special plastic pad that you stand on. You just need a book, a couch and, if possible, a cat to sit on your lap. So books are in, and they’ll be really in once people figure out how to distribute them free on the Internet. The Internet is in.

OUT:

1) Eating out. Tight budgets mean more home cooking, which means cries of “Meat loaf again?” in kitchens across America. (Appropriate responses include “You’ll eat it and like it!” and “People are starving in Africa!”)

The one exception is if you can go out somewhere and have somebody bring your food to you in your car, whereupon you unwrap it and eat it in a parking lot with your motor running. As Julia Child would say, bon appetite! Julia Child is in.

2) Beauty pageants. These were already going the way of dog racing and indoor smoking (both out) when Miss USA Carrie Prejean dealt the final blow, dissing same-sex marriage from the pageant stage and then taking her show on the road … before her sex tapes started popping up like rhinestones on a tiara. Unfortunately for Prejean, same-sex marriage is in, and sex tapes are out — on DVD and Blu-Ray, probably. (Blu-Ray is in.)

3) Phones. Having a plain old phone would seem to indicate that you want to talk to people. This is completely unnecessary (see “IN,” above). The in people all have “smartphones,” from which you can text, surf the Web, watch videos, listen to music and taser people at parties. (Tasering is still in.) And with texting in, e-mailing is out, except among deposed Nigerian princes, who simply will not give up on it. Saying “application” instead of “app” is way out.

4) Dog breeds from hell. What is a labradoodle, anyway?

5) Dancing on the graves of newspapers. A year ago, people seemed to be thinking that by this time newspapers would be being used exclusively to make papier mache animal masks. And while there are fewer papers than there used to be, things have calmed down a little bit, and people seem to be realizing that newspapers actually provide a valuable service.

Namely, bringing you this “What’s In and Out” every year. In and Out is in!

They’re in!
This year’s What’s In and Out appeared originally in North Shore Sunday and was written by Peter Chianca and researched by Carol Brooks Ball, Richard Clapp, Myrna Fearer, Lisa Guerriero, Christopher Hurley, Dena Lisle, Dan MacAlpine, Sarah Menesale, Kathryn O'Brien, Kris Olson, Charlene Peters, Nancy Prag, Marlene Switzer, Barbara Taormina and Wendall Waters.

Our annual review of everything that’s in and out in society, politics, fashion, the arts and life in general. Today: Sports.

IN:

1) Celtics. Remember when, if you had the choice between watching the Celtics and banging your head against a wall, you had to think about it for a minute? Those days are long gone, with Doc Rivers’ gang playing consistently riveting basketball. Yes, I just said “riveting basketball.”

2) Yankees. They had to wait nine long, almost unbearable years — let’s face it, an entire generation of newts (lifespan: seven years) died out during that time — but the Yankees are finally back on top again. So rooting for the Yanks is in, as is rooting against the Yanks. Expos: Still out, but oddly more in than the Nationals are.

As for the Sox, we’ll give them one more year of “in” status, but they better win the World Series again next season. We don’t want to have to wait around as long as the Yankees did.

3) Saints. New Orleans could use a break, because it’s only a matter of time before it has another flood, political scandal or annoying celebrity move there to help with the recovery. So even though their undefeated streak may be over, three cheers for the Saints; may no one ever again have to live in their stadium.

4) College football. Wait — where are all the hissy fits and silly dances and grotesque sums of money changing hands? The players shooting themselves in the legs and going to jail for fighting dogs? The celebrity girlfriends to blame losing seasons on? They call this football?

5) Horse racing. If you think Rachel Alexandra and Zenyatta are Rod Stewart’s 20-year-old wife and the name of a Police album, respectively, then you are out — because horse racing is in, and those are two of the top practitioners of the sport. And yes, that means jockeys are in. Deal with it.

OUT:

1) Tiger Woods. “Out” is probably not a sufficient word to describe what Tiger Woods is right now. Hopefully his actions will lead other billionaire golfers to think twice before cheating on their wives with several dozen barmaids, hookers and porn stars. I’m just saying.

Meanwhile, as goes Tiger, so goes golf — out, that is. I’d tell the other golfers how sorry I am, if I knew any of their names.

2) Bill Belichick. The sheen is off, Mr. Grumpy! Suddenly going for it on 4th and 2 doesn’t seem so brilliant, does it? Now change your darn sweatshirt! (Oh, and if you wind up winning the Super Bowl this year … Forget I said all that.) Also out: Gisele. It’s all her fault, whatever “it” is.

3) Steroids. Thankfully, we’ve finally shed the specter of illegal steroids that has hung like a shroud over professional athletics, particularly baseball. Now, instead of taking steroids, athletes are eating better, working out more, and having acquaintances inject “dietary supplements” directly into their buttocks.

4) Theo. What’s up with the Sox GM? Doesn’t he know you’re supposed to promise the fans a World Series trophy every single year, even if you can’t manage to sign anyone who could hit his way out of a bag of Fenway Park peanuts? Well, “bridge year” or not, he should keep Lowell, one of only two players with the same name as a Massachusetts town. (Any free agents out there named Dighton-Rehoboth? Better yet: Bring back Freddy Lynn!)

5) Tennis. Sure, the sport got a lot more interesting when we found out that Andre Agassi was taking crystal meth (crystal meth!) while playing back in the ’90s. But not that much more interesting. It’s still out.

Our annual review of everything that’s in and out in society, politics, fashion, the arts and life in general. Today: Entertainment.

IN:

1) Taylor Swift. Swift is all of, what? 12? 13? But she seems to have taken over the known universe with her pithy country numbers about love stories and white horses and, um — oh, who am I kidding? I’ve never listened to any of the words. But I do know that Kanye West thinks that Beyonce did a better video than she did, and that’s what matters.

But it’s not all-Taylor, all-the-time. Lady Gaga has filled the bizarre outfit gap left when Christina Aguilera started wearing real clothes, and Susan Boyle has sold more albums than The Beatles, Elvis and Slim Whitman combined. And older artists continue to plug away, with Bruce Springsteen coming off one of his most successful tours ever and Paul McCartney still selling out stadiums. Rod Stewart, unfortunately, has now covered every song ever written and has been forced to retire to his yacht with his 20-year-old wife.

2) Vampires. If you’re watching a movie or a TV show or reading a book right now, I can only hope someone in it is getting his or her blood sucked, or else whatever you’re watching or reading is out. Vampires are everywhere, thanks to “Twilight,” “True Blood” and books like the Darren Shan saga — they’re the new black. But 2010 will see the release of the “Wolfman” reboot, so you can expect werewolves to come roaring back in as well. Frankenstein is still out. Sorry, Frank.

3) Smart TV. TV in general is out, although recording shows on your DVR and never watching them is in. But some good TV, including droll dramas like “Mad Men” and “Glee” and intelligent comedies like “30 Rock” and “Modern Family” are in, at least among smart people, i.e., the ones who aren’t watching “Jersey Shore.” As for reality TV, it seems like it will never die — sort of like vampires — but the truly exploitative stuff is out. Sorry, Guidos.

4) 3-D. Let’s face it, unless the characters appear to be reaching out of the screen to forcibly bludgeon you, why would anyone go to the movies? We can only hope that in the future all films are 3-D, even ones like “Julie & Julia,” so audiences of middle-aged women can scream when the boeuf bourguignon flies out of the oven — AIEEEE! (Middle-aged women are also in, as long as they’re Meryl Streep.)

5) Michael Jackson. Turns out dying was, if nothing else, a good career move. Unfortunately, to paraphrase Daffy Duck, he could only do it once.

OUT:

1) Kanye West. It probably goes without saying that he’s out, for interrupting Taylor Swift (see “IN,” above) at the MTV Video Music Awards, which amazingly are still on every year. Although it seems to me we should be thanking Kanye for coming up with the single most spoof-able public moment since Neville Chamberlain came back from Germany waving the Munich Agreement.

But he’s not the only one who’s out. Our tween girl moles tell us the Jonas Brothers have fallen off their pedestal, owing at least in part to their Disney Channel show, “Jonas,” in which they play morons. Nick Jonas is even starting a side band he says he’s modeling on Bruce Springsteen’s; interesting that the Jonas Brothers keep citing influences like Springsteen and Elvis Costello, but they keep making music like the Jonas Brothers. (Elvis Costello is in.)

2) Oprah. Well, it may be a little misleading to say that Oprah is “out.” It’s more like she’s off, as in off her syndicated talk show, which ends in 2011. She says she wants to retire, travel the world and spend more time with her Stedman. Oh, wait, I read my notes wrong: She wants to take over the world with her own TV network (appropriately called OWN). Let me be the first to welcome our new Oprah overlords.

3) Crime dramas. After killing off unfortunate victims using every imaginable method, and some unimaginable ones, it seems oddly fitting that the SVUs of the world would be dispatched by — Jay Leno, of all people. But even though Jay is taking up five hours a week of formerly scripted drama, he’s not “in” either; in fact, most people watching “The Jay Leno Show” spend the whole time waiting for Mariska Hargitay to show up with the autopsy results.

This left poor Conan also out (remember him?), just in time for David Letterman to come out with his sex scandal. The only truly in late-night hosts are Stewart, Colbert and Tom Snyder. Yes, I know Tom Snyder’s been dead since 2007 — that’s how bad it is out there.

4) Creepy 3-D. Remember what I said about 3-D? I meant cool, peppy 3-D like “Up,” not creepy motion-capture 3-D like “A Christmas Carol.” Not that the way Scrooge’s ultra-realistic wrinkly and pockmarked skin contrasts with his glassy, dead eyes isn’t impressive. It’s just not in a good way.

5) Aging actors. Are the John Travoltas, the Denzel Washingtons, the Robin Williamses losing their luster? And did I really just write “Williamses”? Regardless, go see one of their films, for old time’s sake. They’re in all of each other’s movies anyway, so you only have to see one.

Next: In and Out in Sports

With the year — and the decade — winding down, people are busier than ever. In fact, who has time to review everything that’s in and out in society, politics, fashion, the arts and life in general? Not me — I’m swamped!

So to keep things simpler in these tough times, I've narrowed down our list to five things that are in and five things that are out in each category, which I'll spotlight over the course of the week: News and Politics, Entertainment, Sports and Life in the USA. That’s a very manageable 10 each for 2010 — because manageability is in.

News and Politics

IN:

1) Sarah Palin. For better or for worse, you can’t get more in than good ol’ Sarah. Republicans love her because she’s the only member of the GOP who’s able to get a camera crew to follow her around for a reason that doesn’t involve a sex scandal, yet. Democrats love her because she reminds people who they could be stuck with if they dump Obama in 2012. And fruit vendors love her because she helps them move tomatoes.

2) Healthcare headaches. Complaining about health care was in last year; complaining about health care legislation is in this year. But never fear, because the Democrats are determined to pass something, even if they have to make it exactly identical to the healthcare system we have now.

3) Fame seeking. Used to be you’d work hard, study, excel in your given field and, if you were one of the fortunate few, eventually get on a TV reality show. But that was so 2006. Now you get on a reality show by party crashing the White House or pretending to send your kid up in an unmanned balloon. Let’s face it, life these days is just one big reality show audition — so you better start walking around with an egg on a spoon, just in case.

4) Swine flu. Yes, bird flu had its moment in the sun, but never really caught on, mainly because it was made up by the World Health Organization to justify their no-show jobs. (Er, that’s just a theory.) But swine flu, now there’s a disease people could get behind. It’s yet to reach pandemic proportions, but it’s prevalent enough to have people blaming Obama for the lack of vaccine, and pigs for existing.

5) Sexting. What did we do before we could send naked pictures of ourselves over our cellular phones? I don’t remember, but I’m sure it was much less interesting. We probably had to talk to each other. Talking is out.

OUT:

1) Change you can believe in. I’m not positive, but I’m relatively sure President Obama promised that by this time we’d be living in a war-free, prosperous, bipartisan utopia, where the air we breathe would be like the mist that rises off unicorns when they bathe. Turns out change is a little tougher to come by — I know he said it wouldn’t happen overnight, but it at least needs to happen before the world is taken over by killer robots. Killer robots are in.

2) Glaciers. Watching them melt out of existence is now officially a spectator sport; when a frozen dinosaur emerges thawed from one and eats Greenland, don’t come crying to me. But never mind these crazy scientists and all their wild “studies” and “facts” — global warming is a completely natural cyclical occurrence, like margarine and Jessica Simpson’s suntan.

3) War. It’s been almost seven years since we invaded Iraq, and we’re still over there getting the Iraqis ready to police themselves, which is apparently not unlike those film shorts where somebody had to teach the Three Stooges how to be doctors. And now we’re sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, but in order to placate people who are sick of all this occupying, President Obama is having them return home immediately upon arrival. The armed forces have been instructed to slap their foreheads in unison, declare that they forgot their bayonets and get right back on the aircraft carrier.

4) The Great Depression Part II. Turns out reports that our economy was about to collapse in a mushroom cloud of derivatives and credit default swaps were somewhat exaggerated — all it took was a few hundred billion in bailouts and everything’s fine again. Just look at those great Wall Street bonuses if you don’t believe me! There’ s probably an article about them in the defunct newspaper you’re sleeping under.

5) Republicans. You’d think they’d be more popular by now, with the Democrats dithering and “Yes we can” turning into a slogan about the administration’s ability to buy beer for its summits. But the ones we want to forget won’t go away (Cheney in ’12!), and the rest of them keep cheating on their wives while telling everyone else whom they can marry. It’s not a recipe for success, which might be why Lou Dobbs is out of work. Maybe he should try selling tomatoes on the Sarah Palin book tour.

NEXT: In and Out in Entertainment