Glossary: Key Terms Defined (A–Z)

- 24/7: Shorthand for a full-time BDSM playfulness, sometimes regression –

dynamic integrated into daily life (24 not related to actual minors (all
hours a day, 7 days a week). E.g., a participants are adults). Boundaries
Master/slave relationship where roles are set on what this entails (for some
are maintained most or all of the time. it’s non-sexual cuddling/comfort, for
Not every day is literally non-stop others it can have erotic elements).
kink, but the power exchange
underpins the relationship - BDSM: Acronym encompassing
consistently. Bondage & Discipline, Dominance &
Submission, Sadism & Masochism. It’s
- Aftercare: The care and attention an umbrella term for a variety of kinks
given after a scene to help involving consensual power exchange
participants recover emotionally and or intense sensation.
physically. Might include cuddling,
hydration, first aid, comforting talk, - Bondage: The act of restraining
etc. Vital for processing intense play. someone’s movement (with rope,
cuffs, etc.) for erotic or power-
- Age-Play: A form of roleplay where exchange purposes. Can range from
one or more individuals take on the simple handcuffs to elaborate rope
persona of a different age. Often shibari. A person who enjoys being
involves a “little” (childlike role) and a tied is often called a “rope bottom” or
“Big” or caregiver (Daddy/Mommy, “bunny,” and the one tying is a
etc.). It’s about nurturing dynamics, “rigger.”
- Bottom: The receiver of a BDSM - Consent Culture: The norm within
activity in a given scene. Not BDSM community that prioritizes
necessarily submissive in identity, obtaining and respecting consent in all
though often overlaps. E.g., someone interactions. It involves practices like
can bottom to flogging without being negotiation, safewords, aftercare, and
in an ongoing D/s relationship with the ostracizing those who violate consent.
Top. (“Topping” and “bottoming” are The idea is to create an environment
action roles, whereas where saying “no” is respected
Dominant/submissive are relationship immediately and without negative
roles – a sub usually bottoms to their repercussion.
Dom, but you can bottom to someone
without giving them dominance over - Contract: A written document
you in other matters). outlining the agreed terms of a BDSM
relationship or scene. Often used in
- Breath Play: Any kink involving D/s relationships to specify roles,
control of breathing – like choking, limits, rules, etc. Not legally
smothering, breath holding. enforceable, but serves as a mutual
Considered edge play due to high risk. understanding. E.g., a contract might
Strict safety needed; loss of list “Hard limits: no cutting. Duties of
consciousness can happen quickly. sub: will address Dom as Sir,” etc. It
Often done to create a high or can be as formal or informal as you
intensify surrender feelings. Should like.
never be done without explicit consent
and precautions, as it can be lethal. - Cuckold/Cuckquean: A fetish
where one person (often a husband or
- Collar: A physical or symbolic item wife) is turned on by their partner
worn (often around the neck) to having sex with someone else, often
denote a D/s relationship commitment. with an element of humiliation or
Similar to a wedding ring in submission. The watching/left-out
significance for some. There are partner is the “cuckold” (traditionally
“collaring ceremonies” in the male) or “cuckquean” (female term). It
community. Some have different overlaps with poly or hotwifing but
collars for different stages (e.g., with more power imbalance usually.
“training collar” vs “formal collar”).
Also worn just during scenes - DD/lg: Stands for Daddy Dom / little
sometimes as a tool (like to attach a girl – a common form of age-play
leash) or a headspace trigger. dynamic. The “Daddy” is the
caregiver/dom, the “little” assumes a
- Consent: Voluntary, informed, and younger persona. Despite the name,
enthusiastic agreement to an act or it’s not actual incest or pedophilia; it’s
arrangement. In BDSM, consent is two consenting adults with a
continuous (anyone can withdraw at nurturing/childlike roleplay. Variants:
any time) and specific (negotiated MD/lb (Mommy dom/little boy) etc.
beforehand what is okay). “Ongoing Often emphasizes guidance,
consent” means checking in as you go protection, possibly discipline in a non-
as well. Enthusiastic consent sexual or sexual context as per their
implies the person is actively saying style.
“Yes,” not just going along out of
pressure.
- Discipline: Training someone to but even then it pushes limits of “Safe,
follow rules or behave a certain way, Sane” – some prefer the RACK framing
often using punishment and reward. In for these (Risk-Aware Consensual
BDSM, “Domestic Discipline” might Kink).
mean a HOH (head-of-household)
gives structure and consequences (like - Enthusiastic Consent: A concept
spankings for infractions) to the that consent isn’t just the absence of
submissive partner. It’s not always “no,” but the presence of an active
erotic in the moment – sometimes it “yes!” – the person genuinely wants to
mimics a parental style punishment – engage, versus being reluctantly
but it serves an erotic/power- compliant. In kink, they look for “Hell
exchange purpose overall. yes or no” – if partner isn’t
enthusiastic, renegotiate to something
- Dominant (Dom/Domme): An they are excited about. It ensures
individual who takes on the people aren’t just enduring but
controlling/leading role in a D/s enjoying.
dynamic. They may give commands,
set rules, and be the active partner - Fetish: A specific, intense sexual
doing things to the sub in scenes. fixation on an object, material, body
“Dom” is gender-neutral or male, part, or concept. E.g., foot fetish
“Domme” specifically for female in (sexual attraction to feet), latex fetish
common usage (pronounced dom). (aroused by wearing/seeing latex
Their responsibility is also the sub’s clothing). Not all BDSM involves
safety and well-being. fetishes, but many kinksters have at
least one. A fetish in clinical sense is
- Drop (Sub Drop/Top Drop): The only a disorder if it impairs function or
come-down after an intense scene, causes distress; in BDSM context,
where one may feel emotional lows, fetish is usually just a preference.
fatigue, or blues. It’s akin to post-
adrenaline crash or post-party - Fetlife: The social network for
hangover. Sub drop refers to the BDSM/kink/fetish folks. Many terms
submissive’s experience of this (can and references (like “I saw on Fet…”)
involve sadness, exhaustion, crying revolve around using this site for
the next day), Top drop is the community.
Dominant’s equivalent (could be guilt,
emptiness, or just tiredness). Aftercare - Flogging: Striking someone with a
and support help mitigate drop. flogger – a multi-tailed whip-like tool.
Floggers can deliver anything from a
- Edge Play: Play considered high-risk gentle thud to a harsh sting. Flogging
or more extreme – what counts as often refers to rhythmic swinging of a
edge varies, but typically includes flogger on a sub’s back, butt, etc. “To
breath play, knife play, fire play, flog” is the verb.
gunplay, permanent marking (like
branding), etc.. Essentially activities - Fluid-Bonded: Being fluid-bonded
that involve significant risk of serious means partners have intentionally and
harm if things go wrong, or taboo consensually agreed to exchange
psychological edges. Edge play bodily fluids without using barrier
requires advanced skill and utmost methods like condoms . For some, this
trust; not for beginners. By definition, deepens the trust and intimacy that is
consent to edge play is still required,
already central to the BDSM dynamic, more loosely in their personal
with the exchange of fluids acting as a relationships. A female Master might
significant signifier of commitment. choose “Mistress” or just Master as
well. (Also, note: Mistress can also
- Hard Limit: Something absolutely mean “Dominatrix,” especially pro-
off-limits – acts or areas someone domme, but in a Master/slave context,
refuses to do. Hard limits are non- Mistress = female Master).
negotiable. If a partner crosses a hard
limit, that’s a serious consent - Munch: A casual social meet-up of
violation. People list their hard limits kinksters, usually at a vanilla venue
during negotiation (e.g., “No face like a restaurant. Street clothes, no
slapping, no blood, no humiliation play, just eating/chatting. Great for
about my weight” etc). newbies to make connections. Often
named like “X City Munch.” There are
- Lifestyle (lifestyle BDSM): Refers also special munches (e.g., a TNG
to people for whom BDSM is not just munch for under-35 crowd).
occasional bedroom play but an
integrated part of their life/identity. A - Negotiation: The discussion prior to
“lifestyle Dominant/submissive” may a scene or relationship where
mean they maintain their roles even participants outline what they want,
outside scenes, or they are very boundaries, safewords, medical issues,
involved in community. The “lifestyle” etc.. Good negotiation is key to
distinction often separates those who consent. It can be informal (a chat) or
do it frequently/identity-level vs. those formal (filling a checklist, even signing
who do it infrequently as a spicy add- it). Some negotiate anew for each
on. E.g., “We’re lifestyle kinksters; we scene (especially if partners change),
incorporate D/s in our daily routine.” and ongoing couples may have
periodic renegotiations as limits
- Masochist: Someone who enjoys change.
receiving pain for erotic or emotional
pleasure. Note, enjoyment might be -NRE (New Relationship Energy):
direct (the pain itself feels good) or While not BDSM-specific (it’s used in
indirect (enduring pain is rewarding, or polyamory circles too), it’s relevant:
they enjoy pleasing a sadist by taking the giddy, obsessive honeymoon
pain). Not all subs are masochists and phase feelings when a new dynamic
not all masochists are submissive – starts. NRE can cloud judgment, so
one can like pain but not want to yield communities caution new subs
control, and vice versa. especially not to rush into extreme
commitments under its influence.
- Master/Mistress: A specific
honorific/title usually in a Total Power - Old Guard: Refers to the early
Exchange relationship, often with a leather BDSM subculture (mid-20th
slave. “Master” generally implies the century) with a structured, hierarchal
dominant has a very high degree of protocol system (originating in gay
control/ownership (with the slave’s male leather clubs). “Old Guard” often
consent). Some communities reserve conjures strict etiquette, training, etc.
"Master" for someone who has earned vs. New Guard or modern kink which
that title through experience or formal is more casual and diverse. People
community bestowment; others use it debate Old Guard history, but you’ll
hear it in context like “He’s into Old redundant with RACK but some prefer
Guard protocol” meaning very formal. the wording.

- OPSEC (Operational Security): - Public Dungeon: A club or space

Borrowed from military, in kink it open to members or public for BDSM
means steps taken to protect privacy play. E.g., Sanctum and Citadel are
and identity (see Privacy section). E.g., public dungeons in some cities. They
using pseudonyms, not revealing often have equipment and DMs
workplace, controlling who can see (Dungeon Monitors) enforcing rules.
your Fet profile. It’s advice often given (Public here means within kink
to those worried about being outed. community, not open for random
general public walking in).
- Pain Scale: Often in negotiation a
masochist might describe their - Rack (RACK): Acronym for Risk-
tolerance like “I enjoy up to 7/10 Aware Consensual Kink. An
pain.” It’s subjective but helps evolution of SSC used by some to
calibrate intensity. Tops might check acknowledge that no play is 100%
in “Color? How’s your pain 1-10 right safe; it emphasizes informed consent
now?” – though many use the traffic to known risks. Practicing RACK means
light system more. you do your homework on risks (e.g.,
knowing choking can cause stroke)
- Play Party: A gathering at a private and choose to do or not do an activity
venue (dungeon, home, club) where with that awareness. It’s more
BDSM play is allowed or encouraged. permissive than SSC because it allows
People might engage in scenes in that some “insane” edge play might
various areas. Often some rules apply be okay if everyone accepts the risks.
(safe sex barriers, no interfering with
others, etc). Some are open to public - Red / Yellow / Green: Common
(anyone in community), others by safeword system using the “traffic
invitation or membership. light” metaphor. “Red” = full stop
now, scene ends or immediate
- Power Exchange: The dynamic of attention needed. “Yellow” = slow
one person giving power/control to down / check in / approaching limit but
another in a relationship or scene. It not needing to stop. “Green” = all
can be partial (just in bedroom) or good / can even go harder (some
total (24/7 TPE). The term emphasizes partners actively ask “Color?” and get
consensual nature – power is “Green!” as go-ahead). Very widely
exchanged, not taken by force. understood at events.

- Prick (PRICK): Acronym for - Sadist: One who enjoys giving pain
Personal Responsibility, Informed (in a consensual context). Many Doms
Consensual Kink. A newer are also sadists, but not all – some
framework similar to RACK. Stresses dominants prefer psychological control
that each person take responsibility or sensation without pain. Sadists
for the risks they take. If RACK is derive pleasure from the act of
about being aware of risk, PRICK adds inflicting pain or from seeing the
“personal responsibility” to masochist’s reaction/enjoyment.
deliberately consent in spite of risk Again, outside consensual kink, sadist
and own that choice. It’s somewhat has negative connotation, but in
community it's value-neutral Master/Mistress. Implies deeper
descriptor (only a problem if they lack commitment or TPE (Total Power
empathy/consent). Exchange). A slave might have given
up most decision-making authority to
- Scene: A BDSM encounter or play their Master, within consensual limits
session, with a beginning and end. of course. Some use it only in scene
Could last minutes to hours. Example: context (“You’re my slave tonight”).
“We had a rope and wax scene last Because the term can evoke non-
night” or “They’re in the middle of a consent historically, it’s crucial that
scene, let’s not interrupt.” Within a it’s only used in consenting context
scene, people often stick to negotiated and usually after careful negotiation
roles (even if outside that they’re just (some find other terms like “property”
peers). or “pet” if they’re uncomfortable with
“slave”).
- Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC):
The old motto/principle guiding ethical - Switch: Someone who enjoys being
BDSM. “Safe” – activities should be both Dominant and submissive (or Top
done as safely as possible (minimize and bottom) not necessarily at the
risks). “Sane” – everyone should be of same time but in different situations.
sound mind and the activities not They can “switch” roles. Many people
grossly endangering (subjective, but are switches; it’s quite common. They
basically rational decisions). may have preferences (e.g., 70%
“Consensual” – every participant Dom, 30% sub) or be completely
consents freely and can stop at any flexible depending on partner or
time. It was meant to distinguish mood. Not to be confused with “flip-
BDSM from abuse. Some find “safe” flopping mid-scene” (though some do
and “sane” judgmental (since all kink that too as part of play).
has some risk and “sane” is vague
regarding extreme masochism), hence - Subdrop: (See Drop) The low
RACK’s development. Still, SSC is emotional state a submissive might
commonly referenced in kink experience after intense play.
communities as a basic ethical tenet. Symptoms can include sadness,
lethargy, feeling of guilt or longing.
- Safeword: A pre-agreed word or Usually hits within a day or two after,
signal that, when used, immediately once the endorphins wear off.
pauses or stops the scene. Often
something that wouldn’t normally - Submissive (Sub): An individual
come up in play, like “Red” or who consensually gives up power or
“Pineapple.” If someone says their endures sensation in a BDSM dynamic.
safeword, all activity should halt and They may follow commands, serve, or
the Top checks in on the bottom. simply receive what the Dom dishs
Safewords are a safety tool to override out. Submission can be limited to
role-play. Physical safewords (like scenes or extend to lifestyle. It doesn’t
dropping an object, snapping fingers) imply they are submissive in all areas
are used if gagged or verbal impaired. of life – often just in that context.
Submissives can be any gender. Also
- Slave: Typically refers to a “sub” is often used interchangeably
submissive in a very high-control with “bottom” casually, though one
relationship, often under a can bottom without being generally
submissive in personality.
- Subspace: A pleasurable, altered - Total Power Exchange (TPE): A
psychological state some subs enter relationship dynamic where the
during a scene. Often described as submissive gives the Dominant
feeling floaty, spacey, euphoric, or complete or near-complete authority
deeply relaxed – somewhat like a over their life. This often includes
runner’s high or light trance. It’s aspects outside of scenes (finances,
caused by endorphins, adrenaline, and schedule, etc.). Also called 24/7 D/s or
emotional overload. In subspace, a Master/slave dynamic. It’s consensual
person may have reduced pain and usually has boundaries (e.g.,
sensation or be non-verbal. It’s submissive might still retain veto on
important for Dominants to watch out some major things, or there might be
for consent signals because a sub in a contract time period).
deep subspace might not safeword
even if something’s wrong. That’s why - Vanilla: Non-kinky or mainstream. A
Tops often have to gauge and perhaps person who isn’t into BDSM is
slow down once subspace-y to keep it “vanilla.” Vanilla sex = conventional
safe. sex without power exchange or
intense fetish elements. Not
- Tap out: Borrowed from sports – derogatory, just descriptive (some use
similar to safeword, “tapping out” it playfully as “boring,” but really it
means indicating one has reached just means not flavored with kink).
their limit by literally tapping the other Many kinksters refer to their normal
person or object. Common in rope or life context as “vanilla world” where
impact if they can’t speak. If someone they don’t express BDSM aspects
taps your arm repeatedly, treat it like openly.
a Yellow or Red depending on
intensity. - Vetting: The process of verifying
someone’s reputation or
- Top: The person doing the action in trustworthiness before playing or
a scene (tying, spanking, etc.), not getting involved (see Vetting section).
necessarily the one in charge overall. Means asking around about them,
For instance, if a Dominant orders a maybe meeting casually first, etc.
submissive to flog them (a twist Some munch groups have formal
scenario), the sub is the Top in that vetting for new members (like
flogging activity even though they’re requiring existing member sponsor).
the sub in relationship. So Top/Bottom
can describe roles in play regardless - YKINMK (YKINMKBYKIOK): Stands
of identity. for Your Kink Is Not My Kink (But
Your Kink Is OK). A community
saying that acknowledges not
everyone will enjoy the same things,
and that’s perfectly fine – no
judgment. It’s used to promote
tolerance of different fetishes and
dynamics. Essentially, “what you’re
into might squick me or just not
interest me, but I accept that it works
for you.”
- Yellow: (See Red/Yellow/Green break or just lighter?” It’s an important
above) – a safe signal meaning “be part of nuanced communication during
careful/slow down, I’m nearing my scenes to avoid having to full-stop if
limit”. Often triggers the Top to check adjustments can fix the issue.
in: “Thanks for yellow – do you need a