CHOICE OF A PARTNER IN AFRICAN TRADITION

The following was the ways through which marriage partners were chosen in African
Traditional Society.
1. The children had freedom to choose their own partners. In such a case, it was a boy
to show interest in a girl and make an approach.
2. The parents could also make choices on behalf of their children. This was by
identifying a potential marriage partner for their children. Some could approach the
family of the girl and declare their intentions.
3. However, the parents could not approve the choice made by their children. The
children had to respect the views of their parents about their choices.
4. Some choices made include capturing the girl. This was arranged and organized by
the boys after carefully identifying the girl. The bride wealth was taken later after
the parents’ acceptance.
5. There was also the use of a go-between or mediator. The boy intending to marry
used someone or a messenger to declare the intention.
6. In some societies, choices were made by making the girl and the boy to have a fight
( wrestling). The choice could only be approved upon the boy wrestling the girl
down.
7. In some cultures, choices were made through elopement. The boy and girl could
secretly begin living together.
8. Some people made choices out of excitement especially during beer party. In such
a case, the parents of either the girl or boy could give away their daughter or son as
a result of happiness.
9. In some cultures, there was a practice of booking pregnancy. The parents could
agree to exchange their children for marriage in case fortune could allow them to be
of the opposite sex.
 QUALITIES CONSIDERED FOR A MARIAGE PARTNER IN AFRICAN
TRADITONS
The following aspects were considered when choosing marriage partners in African
Tradition.
(i) They considered the family background of either the boy or girl. They put their
interest on morality of a family.
(ii) The health status of a partner was a great concern. Attention was directed towards
tracing whether some kind of disease like leprosy and sickle cells existed in the
family linage.
(iii) Virginity was important aspect in choosing marriage partners. The girl was
expected to be virgin. Virginity commanded respect and sometimes rewards to the
family as it proved the proper upbringing of the girl.
(iv) The African considered the character of the boy or girl. An ideal choice considered
one with qualities like respect, honest and kindness among others.
(v) The clan was also considered. The partners were expected to be of different clans
as those in the same clan were brothers and sisters.
(vi) The hospitality of the partner was one of the qualities taken into consideration. An
ideal choice was person who was welcoming, generous and could get a long easily
and freely with everyone.
(vii) The beauty of the girl was a quality the Africans looked for. Those with waistlines
and beads around their necks, arms and the waist were admired.
(viii) The economic status particularly that of the boy was important when choosing a
marriage partner. Wealth such as cattle and goats proved that the family was
capable of taking care of the incoming wife.
(ix) The cultural background of each partner was considered. There had to be some
harmony and understanding in the two cultures.
(x) The ability of each partner to work was considered. Each partner had to be active
when doing domestic duties like cultivation and cooking among others.
 PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE
1. Preparing the young ones for marriage began at puberty stage. This was the period
that the boys and girls appeared to be ready for marriage life.
2. The boys were taught by their uncles and the girls by their aunts. The teaching
involved marriage related issues.
3. The girls were taught to keep their virginity. Virginity proved the moral uprightness
of the girl.
4. The girl was also taught motherly experiences including menstruation, breastfeeding
and giving birth.
5. In some cultures, there were initiation ceremonies like circumcision. Among the
Bagishu, male children were circumcised to show their maturity and readiness for
marriage.
6. The boys were encouraged to identify potential partners and inform the uncles or
parents accordingly.
7. In some societies, the girls ready for marriage were kept away from the public.
During this isolation, she was made to undergo the process of beautification.
8. The families of the boy and the girl were introduced to each other. This involved
declaring marriage intentions.
9. The boy’s family could arrange bride wealth and inform the family of the girl about
their readiness.
10. The girl’s family was expected to respond to the declared intention of marrying their
daughter.
11. On the day of the marriage ceremony, the groom’s family presented gifts to the
family of the bride. Items like domestic animals, backcloth and alcoholic drinks
were among those delivered.
12. In some cultures, the boy and the girl could be allowed to have the first sexual
intercourse on that day under the supervision of the aunts.
 POLYGAMY IN TRADITONAL AFRICAN SOCIETY
Polygamy was valued and common in African Traditional Society because of the
following reasons;
1. It provided a solution to infertile marriages. The man was encouraged to marry
another wife in case the first was infertile.
2. Polygamy was prestigious. Men with more than one wife earned respect from the
community for their ability to care and make the wives to live in harmony.
3. Polygamy guaranteed permanency in marriages. Instead if divorcing one wife, the
man was encouraged to marry another wife as way disciplining her.
4. Polygamy catered for the problem of widows. After the death of her husband, the
brother of the deceased was allowed to officially become her husband.
5. It ensured that there was sexual satisfaction on the side of men. In the events of
prolonged illness, menstruation and pregnancy or immediately after giving birth,
men derived their sexual satisfaction from the other wives. This helped to control
the sexual behavior of the man.
6. To some men, polygamy ensured that children of both sexes were born. They tended
to marry another wife in case the first wives were producing only single sex.
7. Polygamy provided enough labour force in the family. The many wives and their
children eased domestic duties including cooking, collecting firewood and digging.
8. Polygamy ensured that all women were married. This promoted their cultures as
marriage was compulsory for every grown up.
9. Polygamy was taken as the way of disciplining the intolerable behavior of the first
wife. Therefore, marrying another wife was a way f teaching the first wife proper
behavior.
10. Polygamy was a sign of wealth. It showed that the man had enough material wealth
including land and animals like cattle, goats and sheep among others.
11. Polygamy ensured that the bond of kinship extended. Through it many people
became related. This helped to create harmony in the society.
12. Polygamy provided security in the family. The many members were able to defend
themselves against any threat.
13. Polygamy catered for unforeseen problems like prolonged sickness or death of one
wife. The other normal wife could continue with the family business.
DIVORCE IN TRADITION AFRICA
In African Traditional Society, marriage was a social affair built on permanent basis. This
explains why cases of divorce were very scarce.
A number of steps were taken to protect marriages and this helped to make marriages
permanent as people desired.
1. There was adequate sex education before, during and after marriage ceremony.
These prepared children fully of their marital roles and it gave them insight on
marriage relationship at tender ages.
2. There was serious punishment given to any form of sexual misconduct. This created
fear and discipline in the sexual conduct of people.
3. Marriage was a communal affair. Therefore, anyone seeking divorce was required
to consult all members involved in the marriage process. Such members provided
guidance and counselling in the event of marital problems.
4. Marriage was compulsory in African tradition. This made the people to aim at
keeping the marriages well in order to avoid being divorced.
5. Polygamy was a normal practice in African tradition. Therefore, instead divorcing
a wife for any reason, the man was allowed to marry another wife as a way of
disciplining the first or the other wife.
6. There were superstitions, taboos and customs that protected marriage. People feared
to break these taboos because they associated with curses.
7. Careful choices were made for married partners. The parents helped their children
with choices. This ensured that the best choices were made.
8. Women were brought up to feel submissive and inferior to men. This made the
women to respect the men. This helped to rule out the possibility of quarreling
between the husband and the wife.
9. The basic needs of the family like food and shelter were catered for by the whole
community. The grandparents and other relatives were always there to assist the
family in the times need.
10. Bride wealth legalized marriages and guaranteed its permanency. The people
respected bride wealth and some feared to return it in the even of divorce.
11. Marriage was a religious duty which involved blessings from the ancestors. To
maintain the good relationship with the ancestors, the people aimed at and did
everything possible to make their marriages permanent.
12. Marriage was a social built on permanent basis. Everybody grew up to respect this
idea in order to maintain social harmony.
13. Marriage was purposely for producing children. Once children were produced, the
couple’s love was cemented.
14. The elders served as living examples for their children. They lived in their marriages
until natural causes like death could interfere. This was a source inspiration to the
children.
CIRCUMSTANCES THAT LED TO DIVORCE IN TRADITION AFRICA
The following were the circumstances under which divorce was allowed in traditional
Africa.
1. Barrenness or infertility of the woman led to divorce. To the Africans, children
ensured continuity of family lifespan. Besides, they were important in providing
wealth, labour and happiness in the family.
2. Loss of virginity especially on the side of the girl could later cause divorce. She was
disrespected and considered immoral. Quite often the husband could use that excuse
to insult his wife and her family.
3. Prolonged illness like bleeding of the woman could cause divorce. Such a partner
seemed useless as he or she could prove to be costly to keep.
4. Evil practices including witchcraft and murder caused divorce. Having such a
partner threatened the lives of the family members. Therefore, he or she was allowed
to leave the marriage.
5. Failure to meet the requirement of bride wealth led to divorce. In some cultures
couples were allowed to live together for a given period before effecting bride
wealth.
6. Laziness could lead to divorce. A lazy partner became a burden to the family as
feeding was concerned.
7. Failure to satisfy the sexual urge of a partner could lead to divorce. This was
responsible for marital unfaithfulness like adultery with its associated problems like
fighting.
8. Domestic violence like constant beating or fighting could lead to divorce. It caused
body injuries and in some cases death. Before the situation could get out f hand, the
two were allowed to part especially after all the alternative means of solving the
disagreement could have failed.
9. Marital unfaithfulness especially adultery on the side of the woman caused divorce.
This was an act of immorality which was never tolerated.
10. In some cases, giving birth a single sex could cause divorce. This was especially
true if only girls were produced.
11. The intolerable behavior of some wives led to divorce. Such misconduct like
quarrelsomeness and drinking among others caused continued fighting.
12. In some cases, if the woman became too old for the man, divorce could be initiated.
The man was then encouraged to marry a young wife