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English transcription test:

Hello to everybody who can't break the flowerpot. Beautiful anonymous. One hour. One phone
call. No names. No holds barred. Hello everybody, my name is Chris Gether. It is a pleasure to
be here in this hosting seat, talking to you regular humans once again. Just, that's what it is. If
you're finding the show for the first time, welcome. Here's what it is. A regular guy talks to other
regular people on the phone and we just remember that this world is just full of stories. And this
week's episode will reiterate that in a big way, that it's the whole world that's full of stories.

I have to thank everybody who enjoyed the episode last week. Our postal worker, who used to be
a monk, got a lot of very positive reactions. A lot of people were charmed by him. It led to a
discussion in the Facebook group. It is said that this one kind of randomly came out on a week
when there was all this news about French clergy. It became topical yet again. In the course of
the conversation, we used to joke about this when we were kids. Anyway, the whole thing was
wild. Thank you to everybody in the Facebook group for being there and being a big part of this
community and giving that feedback. It's very motivating.

Also, you're hearing this. This is coming out on Tuesday the 12th. On the 15th, I am in
Philadelphia. On the 16th, I am in Jersey City. These are the first two live, beautiful, anonymous
tapings back. The first live, beautiful, anonymous shows in two years. Philly and Jersey City.
Let's go East Coast. East Coast is my people. There's a handful of tickets left. There's also stand-
up shows. Let's throw it out. Have fun. Say hello. I cannot wait to get back out there with a live
crowd. Record some live episodes for you guys. This week's episode just got off the phone. Just
recorded this one. I was saying before, it's about the whole world. This person is in a city that's
become kind of weirdly legendary in the course of the show. We have a caller from Perth,
Australia. We have a lot of listeners in Perth, Australia who have always told me I need to go to
Perth, Australia. We talk about that. We laugh about that. We talk about what it's like living in
the most isolated major city in the world. About what it's like living there during extreme
COVID lockdowns when things are really under control there. But you kind of feel like the rest
of the world. You're watching a movie about this crazy disease. We have a lot of tangents about
parenting and a quiz that the caller has prepared for me. It is a fun episode with a person who I
found extraordinarily easy to talk to. We talk about current day. We also talk about the big
picture stuff. It is noon where I'm recording. It was midnight where she was literally the opposite
side of the world. We get to just talk in real time and remember how much we all have in
common on this spinning orb that we live upon. It's a great call. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you
for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with
the host. Hello.

Hello. Hi there. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm doing very well. Thanks. Where are you
from? I'm calling from Perth in Western Australia. Perth? Yes. I'm super nervous. I'm catching
my breath a little bit here. Don't be nervous. I am so thrilled to talk to you. I feel like we
mentioned it on the show before. For years now, whenever I announce my tour dates, there will
be a segment of Beautiful Anonymous fans who go, you have to come to Perth, Australia. Then
other people have told me Perth, Australia is the most desolate city in the world. Everybody
skips it and they go to Sydney and Melbourne and a few other places in Australia. But Perth
always gets left out of a lot of touring artists' schedules and people overlook it. I'm sitting here
going, the city that's overlooked because it's desolate and nobody wants to – that sounds like me.
It sounds like it lives in my soul and my spirit. I got to get to Perth. I've been fascinated with
your town for years now. Well, I am but a humble representative of one of the biggest states in
the whole world, second only to a state in Russia. One of the most isolated cities in the world,
depending on what your definition of isolated city is. You mentioned Perth only recently on an
episode and that's kind of what made me think about it. But you're totally right. We get
overlooked and I get it. The travel time, there's always a time difference. It's hard to get to Perth.
But when acts visit here, we are always very gracious and welcoming. We can host one hell of a
party. I really do hope that Perth is in your future, in your travel plans. Why? The nearest – oh,
sorry, you go. No, you go. The nearest what? I was going to say that the nearest city to us –
Look, I've done a little bit of research just to get my facts right here because, like I said, I'm
representing the state. The nearest city is 1,305 miles away. Beautiful. You can go across the
Nullarbor Plain, which is literally a flat salt. You can drive across and you will see nothing for a
very long time. It's actually easier for us in Perth to go to Indonesia, location and time-wise, than
it is to go to the other side of Australia. So you might be getting a bit of a sense as to why it's
hard for touring acts to get here. I love this. I love this. So you drive for 1,300 miles. Thank you
for converting it to miles for me. You're welcome. 1,300 miles, that's just about halfway across
the entire United States before you find another city once you leave Perth. Yeah, it's a lonely
existence. Now, here's where I'm nuts. Here's where I'm a crazy person. And I admit this. And
this is going to make you flip out. You're going to lose your goddamn mind. I think what would
be funny is – because I've never performed in Australia. And this is one of the big bucket list
items for me as a performer. And there's a big comedy scene and there's festivals and everybody
loves going to Australia. And it's just – it was on my list and I was getting very close. And then
my son was born. I said, well, now is not the time. There's a part of me that thinks the funniest
thing I could do and a thing that would make me a legend in Perth, only Perth. I go – I finally
perform in Australia. No Melbourne. No Sydney. Perth. Back home. Does that make me a legend
in Perth? Does that make people go, this is our guy? This guy gets it. He loves us? Or would they
just go – Bonafide. Yeah? Absolutely. Or would people just go, why would you come all the way
here and not try to make money? I think there would be a collective who would be very willing
to show you the very best of Perth. I think you would find – we would welcome you with open
arms. They say if you've made the sales, stop selling. But if I could just indulge me for a second.
Indulge me. Look, we have more sunshine. We see more sunshine than any other state in
Australia. We have the biggest park in the world, Kings Park. Very beautiful. There are more
self-made millionaires here than anywhere else in the world. I love the rich. Everybody knows I
love rich people. And then our biggest exports are gold, diamonds and pearls. We supply more
gold, diamonds and pearls than anywhere else in the world. Look, I really feel – oh, we also have
something adorable here. There's like a little island just off Perth called Rottnest. And they have
something called the Quokka. The Quokka is a cross between a possum and the friendliest
toddler you'll ever meet. They're gorgeous. They'll come right up to you and they're very
enchanting. So you've got to come. You've really got to come and experience the diamonds, the
pearls, the gold and the Quokkas. Well, listen, when you say you've got diamonds, gold, rich
people and sunshine, everybody can clearly – you take one look at me, you go, well, if there's
one thing that guy takes well to, it's copious amounts of sun. Sun and diamonds and millionaires?
That sounds like a place where I'd be very comfortable physically and socially. I think you would
be very comfortable here. All those things aside, I will say we have a very healthy fear of skin
cancer here in the West. Great, great. So you can guarantee that we all flip-flop-flop, which is
like what we're taught as kids, like how to be safe in the sun. And we stay indoors in the peak of
the sunlight. But we love a sunset. We love a refreshing beverage in the sun. And I say this like I
do all of these things. But you would very rarely find me in the sun or at the beach. But I think
it's nice that I live in a place that has those things. I'm beyond grateful to be in a livable place,
especially in a time like now. Now, I mean, first of all, sad thing that you even have to say that.
But first, let me get back to the jokes. How would Australia as a whole react if for my entire
career, every two years I did a show in Perth and never performed anywhere else in Australia
ever in my life? How would the rest go? That never happened. Nobody does that, right? Look,
I'm going to be really callous, but with heart at the same time, I'm going to say that there would
probably be a healthy ambivalence because not a whole lot of people are looking at what we're
doing. Yeah, I don't know. I feel a lot of pressure here, Chris. I have to be honest because I'm
making these big sweeping claims. And I clearly I clearly did some homework before talking to
you today. Like I clearly Googled where I live. So I feel a lot of pressure. Don't make me speak
for the whole nation. I really don't represent them. But, you know, all I would say is it's never too
late to try. Like we would gladly host you, we would gladly have a standing agreement. You
know, let's make this binding. Please, let's get this in writing. I'm sure someone will draw this up
for us. Well, listen, I'm going to tell you very honestly that I will not retire from my career until I
perform in Perth, Australia. Let me just say that. Oh, isn't that amazing? That's lovely. As far as
if I will forego the rest of Australia just to make myself giggle by only performing in the most
isolated city in the world and not making an effort to go to, you know, a number of cities, a
number of cities that are big hubs, let alone Sydney and Melbourne, which I think are like major
cities in this world. And for our English speaking artists, as far as if I'll commit to that bit, I won't
commit fully on this episode. I will say that I cannot retire. Maybe my retirement show needs to
be in Perth. Maybe that's when I finally quit comedy, I should go. My final show ever will be in
Perth, Australia. That seems fitting in a way. Well, I'll put in like a little bit of a comment for
your Australian fans. We're very familiar with a musician here called John Farnham and he's
notorious for The Last Time Tour. He's done that about, you know, seven or eight times now.
Like he said, this is the last time I'm retiring and he's come back out and continued performing,
although he has been very quiet of recent. But I think you could do something like that even, you
know, retirement doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means. So just lie. Yeah, well, I
mean, it depends. Like how isolated is the city? Well, how steadfast is your view on retirement?
You know, these things are very subjective. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. But, you know, there
is something that makes Perth a little bit interesting at the moment. And that is, and look, it's not
a great thing. It is a great thing and it's also not a great thing. It's that we are virtually, I don't
know. I want to choose my words very carefully here. We are virtually COVID-free as a state.
It's really, really lovely. But if you think about the fact that we, I mentioned before, you know, as
a state, Western Australia is the second biggest state in the world. For that state to be COVID-
free is pretty pretentious and pretty huge and laden with all kinds of heartbreak and politics. And
it's a really interesting point to be in. And I guess kind of, I've been listening to your recent calls
and, you know, I listened to the psychiatric nurse and the Disneyland operator that turned funeral
director. And, you know, I really hope they're well.