How To Build Deep Friendships

March 23, 2025

Title: How To Build Deep Friendships

Introduction:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their
labor: If either of them falls down, one can
help the other up. But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

A. Science has identified that people only really

need three to five deep relationships in their
lives to feel satisfied.

i. As surprising it may sound to hear that it’s

not necessary to be close to all 4,000 of our
friends on Facebook to feel fulfilled, it’s
equally as surprising to know that countless
individuals still lack a close few.

ii. Everyone is looking for friendships.

a. It can be someone who has moved

schools.

b. The student who who hasn’t connected to

anyone.

c. The new mom who only has an infant to

chat to as the husband is at work.

d. Or the grandfather who has seen most of

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 d. Or the grandfather who has seen most of
his friends pass away.

iii. All around us are people who are craving to

connect to someone else.

iv. Though this may be true, we don’t realize

that it is the people closest to us that we
need to connect with the most. People that
we see every day and interact with
regularly.

v. We don't want these people to be just

acquaintances but real friends.

B. There are principles that can help us to

becoming someone who is able to make an
acquaintance into a lifelong friendship.

i. A good place to start is by asking yourself a

few questions evaluating your current
relationships.

ii. Which friendships need a deeper

connection?

iii. Are you really close to your close friends or

do you just talk about superficial topics?

iv. Which relationships do you want to spend

extra effort on?

v. Keep these relationships in mind as we dive

into the study.

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Point 1. Knowing and Doing the Basics.

A. Love is not a self-defined attribute.

○ Love is relational and interactive—it
involves both giving and receiving,
connecting with others, and sharing
emotions, actions, and intentions. It isn't
something we can decide or possess in
isolation; it must involve another person or
entity to truly exist.

Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another

in love. Honor one another above
yourselves.

i. You can be seen as the most loving person

by one, while another feels neglected.

ii. We cannot dictate how someone else

should feel loved, though we may teach
them to at least recognize the efforts one is
giving to a relationship.

iii. The moment you finding yourself quoting

something along the lines of;

a. “But I have tried loving them and it just

hasn’t worked!”

b. “Everything I seem to do goes unnoticed

or unappreciated,”

c. You need to ask yourself are you loving

them how they feel loved.
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 iv. Too often we can make the mistake of
loving others how we feel loved.

v. It would be wise to understand the popular

term of Love Languages and teach yourself
how to identify what Love Language
someone has and how to love effectively.

vi. Love languages: these are the most

common ways people feel loved

B. Here are the love languages and their

definitions:

i. Words of Affirmation - using words to build

up the other person.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any

unwholesome talk come out of your
mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their
needs, that it may benefit those who
listen.

a. There are two major ways to express

words of affirmation to someone; you can
either do this via written words or spoken
words.

b. Spoken words are anything along the

lines of complement, adding value to
them, having a vision for them, helping
them see through their current issue and
more.
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 c. Written words allow you to have a lasting
impact on someone, as it is said that
complements expire after 24 hours.

d. A small but meaningful written words can

be, writing a note wishing your
housemate good luck before a test,
making a card for someone, or sending
an encouraging text.

e. Make it a habit to call and text them with

no purpose other than just cause.

f. This will not only show them that you are

thinking about them but it will give you
more opportunities to encourage them.

ii. Receiving Gifts - giving any thing that lets

the other person that you were thinking
about them.

Proverbs 18:16 A gift opens the way and

ushers the giver into the presence of the
great.

a. Giving gifts can be tightly integrated into

many cultures around the world as a form
of showing love.

b. Filipinos, with our culture, see giving a

gift as one of the most prevalent ways to
express love.

c. Things to remember when giving a gift:

never money; the momentary value
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 c.
never money; the momentary value
doesn’t matter; it’s the thought that
counts (so think carefully); wrap the gift,
give surprise gifts.

iii. Acts of Service - doing something for the

other without being asked.

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers and

sisters, were called to be free. But do not
use your freedom to indulge the flesh;
rather, serve one another humbly in love.

a. Acts of service is not only a way to show

love, but it is the characteristic that
embodies the Christian life.

b. These acts can range from washing the

dishes to helping them with a favor.

c. The important thing to understand is that

those who have this love language want
to do the same thing for you, so let them
do favors for you as well.

iv. Quality Time - spending time with someone

with undivided attention.

a. When you are spending time with

someone, be completely present.

b. Meaning, strip yourself from your phone

or any other distractions and focus on
them.

c. You should get in the habit of initiating

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 c. You should get in the habit of initiating
the hangouts. The activity doesn’t matter
as much as the time spent together like
talking.

d. A good suggestion is find something

where you can suffer together, activities
like working out or something active,
creates for good bonding memories.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all

times, and a brother is born for a
time of adversity.

e. Don’t be afraid to talk deep, it does not

need to be spiritual or crazy deep topics,
but be honest and authentic. You don’t
have to be a therapist, but be a friend,
don’t shy away from a topic just because
it’s difficult.

v. Physical Touch - connecting to them

physically without having to be intimate.

Luke 15:20 So he got up and went to his

father.“But while he was still a long way
off, his father saw him and was filled
with compassion for him; he ran to his
son, threw his arms around him and
kissed him.

a. Consider the following scripture about the

parable of the loving father running to his
returning son.

b. How would it have changed the scripture

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 b. How would it have changed the scripture
if the father, after running full speed to
meet his son, went and gave him a big
strong handshake?

c. Not only would the moment have fallen

short but we would doubt if the father
truly forgave the son.

d. Our physical interactions with each other

express our inner emotions.

e. Practicals on pure physical touch - Sit

next to them, high fives, hold them when
they are sad. Make a connection, even if
small like a touch on the shoulder, when
you talk to them.

□ What are common physical gestures

Filipinos do?

Challenge: Discover the love language of your

close relationships.

C. The easiest way to figure out which love

language makes someone feel loved the most,
is simply by asking them.

i. Other practicals on how to build a deep

relationship:

a. Get to know their family and their past.

b. Play together: you can discover more

about a person in an hour of play than in
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 b.
about a person in an hour of play than in
a year of conversation.

c. Laugh and tease together.

ii. Be a bit crazy.

a. It is one of the blessings of old friends

that you can afford to be stupid with
them.

b. Good friends don’t let you do stupid

things…alone.

c. Throw your heart and soul into the

relationship with no insecurity.

Point 2. Going the Extra Mile.

Matthew 5:39-44 But I tell you, do not resist

an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the
right cheek, turn to them the other cheek
also. And if anyone wants to sue you and
take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If
anyone forces you to go one mile, go with
them two miles. Give to the one who asks
you, and do not turn away from the one who
wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your
neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you,
love your enemies and pray for those who
persecute you,

A. We need to love the ones you feel deserve it

the least, because they need it the most.
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1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved
us.

i. Focus on all you can do.

Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as

God’s chosen people, holy and dearly
loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience. Bear with
each other and forgive one another if
any of you has a grievance against
someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave
you. And over all these virtues put on
love, which binds them all together in
perfect unity.

ii. Start with making sure you have forgiven

them of anything they have done to you,
and set your heart and mind to forgive them
of all they will do to you.

iii. Clothe yourself with compassion - get dress

up in compassion before you get with them.

iv. Bear with where they are at.

a. They did not start out that way.

b. Someone or something happened to

them to destroy that child like heart God
gave them.

v. Remember to always be:

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 v. Remember to always be:

a. Kind.

b. Humble.

c. Gentle .

d. Patient - it takes time to build deep

relationships.

vi. Never ever pull your heart back.

B. Useful practicals on how to build a deep

relationship with others.

1 Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails.

i. Pray together. (James 5:16)

a. Nothing bonds two people more than

confessing sins together and praying
together.

b. Especially when in a special place away

from distraction.

ii. Have meaningful conversations.

a. Have a special cafe or place you always

go to that makes you want to open up.

b. Share yourself, that includes worries,

hopes and dreams, and your feelings
about the other person.
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 about the other person.

c. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable.

d. This is kind of an antidote to really bad

relationships: if you’re super honest
about how you’re feeling, then you’ll end
up communicating your disappointment
as soon as necessary.

iii. Go to a wedding, funeral or family event

together.

a. Seeing life’s defining moments together

can form a lasting bond.

b. If the same things make the two of you

smile, cry, etc., that’s taking your
friendship to a deeper level.

iv. Do something entirely text and phone free

like camping, hiking, climbing, backpacking
or perhaps a road trip.

v. Do favors for others and just as importantly,

let others do nice things for you.

vi. Work together on a project that you both

care about.

vii. Try some fun games together.

a. Board games or card games.

b. Races like who would walk back home

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 b. Races like who would walk back home
faster.

c. Socially interactive yet physical game

such as basketball.

viii. Share truly unique experiences.

a. Beyond the usual movies that you won’t

remember a few years from now, pick
something truly memorable like attending
an amazing concert, eating at an
esteemed restaurant or anything you
both do for the first time.

b. You will remember the event vividly and,

by association, you’ll remember the
people you shared it with.

c. When someone is a core part of many of

your most precious memories, it’s hard
not to feel closer to them.

ix. Take a long drive together and leave the

radio or music off - for example, get up early
and go to mountains or seaside and pray.

x. Get to know each other’s families. You will

see the same people with a very different
perspective.

xi. Stay over at each other’s house and let

them sleep in your bed, live your life.

xii. Revisit each others’ past.

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xii. Revisit each others’ past.

a. Just like getting to know each other’s

families, sharing glimpses of old diaries,
photo albums or even childhood
playgrounds can be an insightful window
into another.

b. If you and a friend open up about how

you each became the person that you are
today, that’s adding a lot to your
friendship.

xiii. Commit to something you don’t yet have.

a. Relationships are about moving forward

together, but someone has to take the
first, scary step forward.

b. Express your dreams and maybe you

have something in common you can both
work toward together.

xiv. Play together.

a. It’s been said that you can discover more

about a person in an hour of play than in
a year of conversation.

b. Don’t stop there, laugh and tease

together.

c. It’s a basic principle of emotional

intelligence that if you’re not able to have
fun with what life throws at you, you won’t
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 fun with what life throws at you, you won’t
connect with people.

xv. Connect through Facebook or other social

media outlets and follow each other.

a. It allows you to stay up-to-date on the

basic facts of other people’s lives.

b. So when I’m with them in person, we can

skip the fact exchange and move directly
into a deeper conversation.

xvi. Eat together without noisy distractions or

idle conversation in new places that you
have not ever gone to before.

xvii. Fake it ’til you make it.

a. You become closer by acting as if you

were already close.

b. One study showed that pairs of strangers

who were asked to stare into each other’s
eyes for several minutes reported higher
feelings of affection and attraction than a
control group.

c. Pretend intimacy results in actual

intimacy.

C. Be there for people through thick and thin.

i. We are in a marathon in helping getting

people to heaven not a sprint.
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 i.
people to heaven not a sprint.

ii. We must learn how to respond to a friend

that is going through difficulties in their lives.

iii. Job‘s friends were bad comforters as they

were interested in showing him his wrong
rather than just being a good friend to him.

Job 16:1-5 Then Job replied: “I have

heard many things like these; you are
miserable comforters, all of you! Will
your long-winded speeches never
end? What ails you that you keep on
arguing? I also could speak like you, if
you were in my place; I could make
fine speeches against you and shake
my head at you. But my mouth would
encourage you; comfort from my lips
would bring you relief.

iv. Though they had good intentions setting out

to “sympathize with him and comfort him”
(Job 2:11), they went off track and tried to
correct him.

v. God is a great comforter, as seen in His

dealings with Elijah,

1 Kings 19:3-9 Elijah was afraid and

ran for his life. When he came to
Beersheba in Judah, he left his
servant there, while he himself went a
day’s journey into the wilderness. He
came to a broom bush, sat down
under it and prayed that he might die.
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 under it and prayed that he might die.
“I have had enough, Lord,” he said.
“Take my life; I am no better than my
ancestors.” Then he lay down under
the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and
said, “Get up and eat.” He looked
around, and there by his head was
some bread baked over hot coals, and
a jar of water. He ate and drank and
then lay down again.
The angel of the Lord came back a
second time and touched him and
said, “Get up and eat, for the journey
is too much for you.” So he got up and
ate and drank. Strengthened by that
food, he traveled forty days and forty
nights until he reached Horeb, the
mountain of God. There he went into a
cave and spent the night.

v. Can you see the difference? God shows us

what it really looks like to comfort someone.

vi. Even though Elijah could have been

accused of many sins:

a. Cowardice, acedia and a lack of faith.

b. God did not rebuke him or get angry.

c. Instead, he gave him food and allowed

him to rest.

vii. We have enough challenges in life and

especially as a disciple, I think we can all
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 vii.
especially as a disciple, I think we can all
agree we need more encouraging friends
not less.

Hebrews 3:12-13 See to it, brothers

and sisters, that none of you has a
sinful, unbelieving heart that turns
away from the living God. But
encourage one another daily, as long
as it is called “Today,” so that none of
you may be hardened by sin’s
deceitfulness.

Title: How to Build Deep Friendships.

Point 1. Knowing and Doing the Basics.

Point 2. Going the Extra Mile.

You may say this seems a lot, yet the practicals

must come out of a heart that wants to make as
many deep relationships as possible.

Jesus had his 12, then his 70 and then his 500,
you can have more friends than you think if you
make a decision to become as loving as Jesus
and it will lead you to a refreshing and abundant
life.

Proverbs 11:25 A generous person will

prosper; whoever refreshes others will be
refreshed

Imagine if all of us would do our best to build

deep friendships, it would be hard for someone
to leave this family. Imagine if we do this to
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to leave this family. Imagine if we do this to
someone we are reaching out to, or the person
we are studying the bible with, how much would
it help them make that hard decision to become
a disciple?

Let's go and build deep friendships with

everyone!

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