SCENE 1

[In the kitchen of a famous restaurant, the head chef and the intern chef fight
over how the food is to be made]
Head chef: What are you doing Marco? Chop the onions not dice them!
Intern chef: Ma che cosa? Can you not see zat I have created a work of art? A
masterpiece!
Head chef: Masterpiece?! This is a restaurant, not an art studio!
Intern chef [swinging his knife dangerously ]: Shush! I am getting zi inspiration.
Ahah! If I add the arrabbiata sauce to the mango shrimp, I will create the ultimate
meal!
Head chef: Are you even hearing yourself?
Intern chef: Of course. I have earzz estupido.
Head chef [ Sighs disappointedly ]
Intern chef: Don’t you zeee? I am not just dicing the onions…I am making
HISTORY! You have got to feel zi onions, you have got to feel them…be one with
them you get me?
Head chef: No! You will dice them like someone who can follow instructions.
Intern chef: But I am following your instructions
Head chef [ Walks toward the pasta on the kitchen table frustrated and breaks
them on his knees and smashes it into the pot.]
Intern chef[ Begins hyperventilating ] Mama Mia! What are you doing to me
pasta!!??
What kind of idiot breaks zi pasta when cooking it? You’re making me wanna
pasta-away!
Head chef: Oh my goodness [ looks sown disappointed and frustrated ]
Italian chef: Vaffanculo! ho smesso! (Italian for ‘I quit’)
[ Intern chef rips his apron and laughs hysterically while running out of the
restaurant kitchen.]

SCENE 2
[ A family of four, a pregnant woman and her three kids sit down at a table next
to two other ladies and wait for their food. The staff is visibly overwhelmed due to
the shortage of staff.]
Pregnant woman[Sarah]: Damn, this place looks low on staff [looks around.
speaks in a strong southern accent]
Kids [Martin, Malcolm, Martha]: [muttering to themselves]
Customer 1[Debbie]: [rushes over, touching the stomach like a weirdo. smiles
creepily and talks in a high-pitched voice] Oh HoW mAnY mOnThS aRe yOu DuE?
Debbie: [Rushes to cover Sarah’s belly with a blanket]
Sarah: [Looks at her with confusion] UHHHHHH….one month. [tries to push off the
blanket and the woman, but Debbie persists, rubbing the stomach]
Debbie: Don’t want the baby feeling cold. We have to wrap him in a blanket to
keep him at womb temperature. [ Laughs at her own joke ]
Customer 2[Marge]: Who are you talking to Debs?
Debbie: This nice family next to us
Marge: There’s no one there. *Gasps* Are you talking to spirits again. I must
cleanse your soul. [makes weird hand movements and sounds, touching Debbie.
takes the salt from the table and starts making salt circles around Debbie, to
exorcise the “ghost”]
Debbie: [runs her hand down her face in disappointment] don’t worry, she’s
always like this.
Sarah: [looks at both women, confused while the children giggle, amused]
Debbie: [laughs creepily, looking back to her stomach, touching it again] Oh
ThAt’s OnE bIg BaBY
Marge: [notices sarah behind Debbie and gasps] a woman In pregnancy! I need to
make spells for the good wish of the baby! [starts making weird hand movements
around sarah’s stomach while enchanting spells]
Sarah: [uncomfortable. Moves over her chair away]
Marge: [a look of horror crosses her face] oh no! the baby shall perish now! the
demons will come to get it [falls to her knees. crying]

SCENE 3
[The waiters and the head chef start worrying about how the will be able to serve
their customers and begin frantically running around the kitchen.]
Waiter 1[Lana]: Sir we’ve got two new orders at table two and four and the
woman there is getting cranky and impatient very quickly.
Head chef: I’m working as fast as I can but as you can see there’s no one else here
to help me.
Waiter 2[Sheila]: I can help you cook
Head chef: Sheila do you want to poison our customers?
Sheila: [stays silent]
Head chef: Exactly
Waiter 3[Sam]: [Holds a plate in front of the head chef]
Head chef: What is this?
Sam: Food.
Head chef: You’re just as bad as the intern.
Sam: I assure you this is filled with a variety of nutrients.
Head chef: Do you eat this everyday?
Sam: Why of course.
Head chef: [sighs] Of course you do .
Sam: Yea that’s what I just said

SCENE 4
[Meanwhile in the restaurant commotion arises as cries of the pregnant woman
can be heard from afar]
Sarah: [Wailing]
Martin: Mom are you okay
Sarah: It’s coming
Mitch: What’s coming
Sarah: THE BABY!!!
Marge: I knew I should have performed the séance before [starts crying again]
Debbie: Where are the workers in this place?
[Two waiters rush to the scene]
Mitch: Mom does it hurt?
Sarah: Oh no its just lovely. I’m having the time of my life!
Mitch: Really? I should get pregnant too!
Marge: [Places strange dolls around Sarah] Oh mighty beings, please let this
strange woman with masculine features give birth
Sarah: Hey!
Debbie: [Glances at the waiters] Why are you just standing there? Help!
Lana: [Puts on glasses and smirks] I thought you’d never ask. [Pulls out an
encyclopedia and starts ranting strange facts about pregnant woman while
everyone just stares in confusion]
Debbie: okay…You help [Points at the other waiter]
Sam: [Walks toward Sarah with a plunger in his right hand] Use this. It can help
remove your baby.
Sarah: [Stares at him confused] Oh yea. Cause every pregnant woman uses a
plunger to give birth.
Sam: It helped un-clog my toilet. I’m positive it can un-clog your kid.
*RING RING RING*
Sarah: [Picks up her cell phone]
Husband [Mike]: Hiiii HOnnnEeYYYYy!
Sarah: Mike Hawk!
Husband: Uh…yes darling
Sarah: You did go to the doctor to confirm when the baby is due right?
Mike: Yes. Two months from now.
Sarah: Then please explain why it’s coming out now!?
Mike: Ohh…I really wish I could be there but I’m on an important meeting with my
boss.
Sarah: Mike Hawk! Get here right now.
Mike: Yes, ma’am.
Martha: M-mom…I don’t think we have another ch-choice.
Sarah: What choice?
Martha: [Slowly glances at the waiter holding the plunger]
Sarah: hell nah
Martin: It might be the only way.
Mitch: Embrace yourself Mother!!!
[All of them grab the plunger and plunge the baby out of Sarah’s womb. The baby
flies out of the blanket covering Sarah but Martha grabs it.]
Sarah: [Sighs in relief]
Mike: [Panting] I’m here! I probably got fired from my job but I’m back!
[Looks at the newly born baby]
Mike: Oh!... I see it’s already out.
Sarah: Aww Mikey I’m sorry. But at least we can welcome him together?
Mike: I lost my job… I’m okay, I’m okay.
Sarah: Lets go home kids. It’s been a long day
[Everyone leaves the stage except the waiter who is still reading the encyclopedia.
She realizes everyone is gone and soon leaves too.]