FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.

com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—
A Problem-Solving Framework
Blending Relationship and Reflective Skills

Carmen arrives for a scheduled home visit with Charley, a 15-month-

old girl with developmental delays and multiple medical issues con-
nected to prematurity. Her mother, Frances, is near tears. She tells Carmen
that Charley has been “cranky” and no one is getting any sleep. Further-
more, Charley is so irritable that she has started hitting her mother when she
tries to do anything with her. On cue, Charley smacks Frances and they both
burst into tears.

Working with families of young children is complex and can be messy. Every
family and child is different, and methods that worked perfectly with one
family may be ineffective or even an utter disaster with the next. Furthermore,
every home visit, even with a family that one knows well, is different from the
last. Many families struggle with serious issues, including poverty, domestic
violence, and serious health needs of their children. These concerns can and
may draw home visitors’ attention away from our role or purpose with a fam-
ily (Bernstein & Edwards, 2012).
How do we stay focused on our work when families come with so many
challenges? Although there are no “tried and true” recipes guaranteed to work
in all situations, there are some ways of thinking and acting that set the stage
for flexible partnering and effective problem-solving. In the first two chap-
ters, we have separately discussed the benefits of using relationship-based and
reflective practice approaches when working with very young children and
27

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 27 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

28 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

Evaluate Perceive

PAUSE
Strategize Ask

Understand
Figure 3.1. The PAUSE framework overview.

their families. Next, we discuss how these two methods can be integrated.
In this chapter, we explain the PAUSE method to explore a way of thinking
about work with families that is grounded in relationship and that encourages
reflection on the part of the provider and the parents. PAUSE is an acronym
for a cycle of five steps: Perceive, Ask, Understand, Strategize, and Evaluate
(see Figure 3.1).
As discussed in previous chapters, relationship-based practices and
reflective skills complement each other and are critical to forming and main-
taining all kinds of relationships. Reflective and relationship-based skills are
also used in a specific type of professional development called reflective super-
vision (Watson et al., 2014). Use of reflective practice methods within a sup-
portive supervisory relationship can help home visitors avoid getting lost in
the weeds of complicated family life, thus increasing the home visitor’s abil-
ity to focus on building the parent–child relationship (Bernstein & Edwards,
2012). This chapter discusses how to blend these approaches through a pro-
cess providers can use to work with families about their concerns. The pro-
cess organizes thinking about the behavior or issue, helps providers respond
appropriately and effectively, and uses reflection to assess the experience. The
five main components of the PAUSE process are as follows:

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 28 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 29

1. Perceive: observe and listen.

2. Ask questions to learn more about what is happening.
3. Understand each participant’s experience or viewpoint.
4. Strategize: select and take actions.
5. Evaluate the outcomes using reflective processes.
The PAUSE worksheet provides a way for the home visitor to document
his or her thoughts about the child and family in order to work through
challenging situations and discuss them with a supervisor. A blank copy
of the PAUSE worksheet can be found in Appendix 3A. This and following
chapters include vignettes and sample completed PAUSE worksheets. These
materials illustrate how to use the PAUSE worksheet in a variety of situa-
tions home visitors may face. First, let’s explore each of the PAUSE compo-
nents in more detail.

PERCEIVE: OBSERVE AND LISTEN

Carmen can see that Frances is overwhelmed with Charley’s difficult

behavior. She is aware that these issues have been happening for a
while, and she has already formed some ideas about what might help. Car-
men thinks how easy it would be to just take Charley herself and model an
age-appropriate time out. After that, she could sit down with Frances and
teach her how to implement a better sleep schedule.

The PAUSE process begins with learning more about the situation by observ-
ing, listening, and asking questions. As home visitors slow down and learn
more, they may see things are not as they appear at first. Observing and lis-
tening are not passive behaviors, and they are not as easy as they may seem.
Giving full attention is a skill that takes time and practice. Consider how the
response “I’m fine” could sound in these two situations:
Situation 1: Betty slightly trips when going upstairs to work. When her
co-worker walking behind her asks if she is okay, Betty laughs and says,
“I’m fine, it’s just Monday.”
Situation 2: Mark comes home from work later than expected; he wasn’t
able to call because his phone died. As he apologizes for not being home
to help get their children to bed, his wife, Kayla, interrupts him, saying,
“I’m fine.”

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 29 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

30 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

Clearly the person in the first situation actually seems to be just fine, but
the person in the second scenario may not be. The appropriate response to
each situation is likely to be very different. For example, in the first scenario,
joining Betty in laughing about the situation would be acceptable. Laughing
in the second situation, however, is most likely unwise. Listening includes
attention to what is said and how it is said (Weatherston, 2000). Slowing down
and listening with care also lets one notice and wonder what is not said. For
example, in some cases, the speaker may avoid a seemingly critical topic. The
home visitor may be left to wonder about that topic and its absence from the
conversation. Consider the following two examples:
Kara, a developmental specialist in an early intervention program, meets
with a family for an evaluation. The other team members described their
concerns for the child’s “behavior” and the child’s mother describes him
as “anxious.” Kara notices immediately that the child has very repetitive
speech, makes brief eye contact, and walks on his toes. She knows these are
characteristics of autism, but because that wasn’t in her paperwork, she is
not sure if she should mention this.
Beatrice arrives for a home visit with Juliette and her infant son, Alexander.
She notices that Juliette has a cast and asks, “Are you okay?” Juliette says
she is okay and begins to tell Beatrice a story about Alexander taking steps.
Beatrice feels concerned but does not feel comfortable pressing for more
information.
Observation is a great partner to listening. Much can be learned by what
is seen. For example, eye contact, facial expressions, and body language may
add a good deal of information about the emotional state of the speaker.
Incongruence between body language and words should prompt the observer
to wonder. Consider how the home visitor might respond to this mother if she
listened only to her words rather than attending to both the words and how
they were said:
Katarina held her newborn baby, Heidi, loosely across her lap. The home visi-
tor expressed excitement about seeing the baby for the first time and asked
if Katarina was enjoying motherhood. Katarina looked away and sighed.
After a long moment, she said, “It’s pretty great, I guess.”

ASK QUESTIONS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING

In addition to careful listening and observation, information gathering

includes asking the right questions (Heffron & Murch, 2010). Different ques-
tions are useful at different times. It is often productive to begin with open
questions that are conveyed in a simple and supportive manner. Once the pro-
vider has the big picture or a general direction, more specific questions can

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 30 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 31

be asked to clarify the situation. It takes practice, but providers can learn to
respond and ask questions that open up a discussion instead of narrowing it
too soon. Examples of these types of questions or statements include those
that express interest or concern, encourage the responder to think about his
or her own or other’s experiences, and include an offer to explore an issue
together. Here are a few examples of responses that both acknowledge how a
person might be feeling and invite more discussion:
I imagine that was difficult for you.
Wow, that must have been an amazing experience!
How is it for you when Jan has trouble sleeping?
I wonder what it was like for your daughter when your family moved.
Questions that start a discussion can be paired with more specific follow-
up questions (Green & Palfrey, 2000). Using an answer as a springboard is
a great way to continue to expand the conversation while encouraging the
person to give additional information or think about the issue in more detail.
In addition, by repeating all or part of the conversational partner’s comment,
understanding can be confirmed and interest demonstrated:
I was a little confused about the therapy Clara is receiving. How often is that
happening?
Could you tell me more about your work schedule?
You mentioned you have been concerned about Jon’s coughing. What things
have been tried so far to help him?
I was thinking about how tired you said you feel. It made me wonder if you
have seen your doctor.
Questions that curtail discussion should be used sparingly or avoided
(Heffron & Murch, 2010; Sattler, 1998). Often, these types of questions are
not really questions at all. For example, a forced-choice question limits the
answers that a person can give. The options offered may not be an answer
the parent wants to give. Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”
can be useful for gathering specific information, but they may feel judgmental
and leave out the opportunity for expanded information. Some statements can
also shut off discussion or indicate that the provider has made an assump-
tion that the family member may not feel comfortable correcting. Examples of
questions or responses to avoid include the following:
Forced choice
Do you think the problem with Emmanuel’s sleep is your work schedule or
the bedtime routine?
Are you using time out or redirection for discipline?

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 31 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

32 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

Yes or no questions
Are you giving Abdul enough sleep time? (Compare: How has Abdul been
sleeping?)
Are you following your physical therapist’s recommendations? (Compare:
What suggestions has the physical therapist offered that you think could
help?)
Presumptive statements
I am sure you are getting Cassidy’s shots on schedule.
No one is playing violent video games when the children are around, right?

UNDERSTAND EACH
PARTICIPANT’S EXPERIENCE OR VIEWPOINT
We have emphasized the importance of relationships as a core underpinning
of work with families. In order for relationships to function smoothly, each
person’s experience or perspective should be considered. It is important to
recognize that the parent, the baby, and the home visitor may each view the
situation differently. Therefore, one of the responsibilities of a provider taking
this approach is to monitor and ensure that all voices are represented (Pawl,
2000), including the baby, the parents, and the provider. The home visitor
should encourage the parent to tell the story from his or her perspective, gently
prompt attention to the baby’s experience, and share his or her own observa-
tions with care. The skills reviewed earlier, including observing, listening, and
asking helpful questions, can be applied to the quest to learn about the perspec-
tives of all the participants, including the babies. Spending this time gathering
information assists the home visitor to better understand not only the situa-
tion at hand, but also how that situation is being received or experienced by
each participant. This additional information, in turn, leads to a decision about
the most effective port of entry, or best starting point, for intervention at that
moment. In the following examples, briefly consider each participant:
Home Visitor: Thinking about one’s own perspective may seem redundant or
even out of place in this discussion. However, because each person brings
biases, beliefs, attitudes, and preferences to every situation, it is necessary
to consider the provider’s perspective along with those of family members.
The home visitor should recognize that his or her own past experiences and
perspectives affect each new experience; what is seen and heard, how the
behaviors of others are interpreted, and what choices are made about how
to respond. It is not possible or even desirable to have no personal history
or to never have opinions! Home visitors have their own set of attitudes or
beliefs and must attend to their effect on their work with families (Heffron,
Ivins, & Weston, 2005).

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 32 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 33

Parent: A central facet of home visiting work is attending to the parent’s needs
as a way of developing the parent’s skills (Bernstein & Edwards, 2012).
Even when the focus of the home visit is the baby’s safety or development,
gaining the parent’s buy-in is needed; therefore, a good deal of home visit-
ing involves forming a relationship with parents and encouraging change
(Weatherston, 2005). For example, the home visitor might be tasked with
instructing parents on child development, implementing a specific therapy
technique, or supporting the parents in the completion of court required
tasks. In order for the home visitor to implement this part of the work effec-
tively, he or she must be able to read and respond to the parent’s reactions to
his or her suggestions and efforts. These efforts on the part of the provider
lead to “synchrony” in the parent and home visitor relationship, which in
turn is connected to parental feelings of competence and increased respon-
siveness to the child (Popp & Wilcox, 2012).
Baby: Although all three parties are important, it may be most critical to avoid
losing sight of the baby’s experience. Because babies are unable to speak for
themselves, their voices can easily be ignored or drowned out by the needs
of adults. Therefore, remembering to ask “what about the baby?” (Weath-
erston, 2001, 2005) is an important responsibility of the home visitor and
a critical part of making real progress with families. The provider’s ability
to keep the baby in mind will help in many ways, both directly and indi-
rectly. Babies are helped directly when their needs are seen and attended to.
Babies are helped indirectly when the home visitor provides a good model
for the parent of how to consider the infant’s experience.

Poised to gather up Charley and demonstrate a time out, Carmen

suddenly stops. Trusting her observations, she realizes that this
might not be a good time for teaching, given that both mother and daughter
are tired and upset. Furthermore, as Carmen reflects that Frances identified
lack of sleep as a primary problem, she questions her initial impulse to solve
the problem with a behavior technique. Instead of springing into action,
Carmen starts with sympathy and a demonstration that she is listening,
saying, “You poor guys! What a hard time you are both having. What can I
do to help?”
   Later in the visit, when both Frances and Charley are calmer, Car-
men is able to ask a few questions. She discovers that Frances has recently
increased her work hours, resulting in a corresponding increase in the
amount of time that Charley spends in child care. Carmen wonders if this
change is the source of both Charley’s difficult behavior and Frances’
­weariness. At the same time, Carmen knows this is a resilient family, so she
is confident that they will adjust in time. When Frances admits that she is

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 33 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

34 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

tired, Carmen says, “I wonder if Charley is a little tired too.” Frances snuggles
Charley close and says, “I guess we both need a little more time to adjust
to the new schedule.” Carmen has been successful in two ways: supporting
Frances and Charley directly and helping Frances consider Charley’s experi-
ence. These two interventions may be enough to help this family.

STRATEGIZE: SELECT AND TAKE ACTIONS

In the first three steps of the PAUSE method, information that increases one’s
understanding of the situation or problem is gathered. As part of this under-
standing, multiple perspectives should be considered. As the home visitor
observes, listens, and asks questions in dialogue with the parent, a variety of
possible action steps will emerge. Together with the parent, the home visitor
will choose some steps to try. As next steps are negotiated, consider together
what results would be satisfactory.
Now let’s explore the PAUSE worksheet, which can be used to pull
together thoughts, feelings, and actions as reflection on interactions takes
place (see Appendix 3A). The PAUSE worksheet is intended to allow the home
visitor to organize the information that has been gathered and to capture
what is happening from both the parent or caregiver and the home visitor
perspective. In the first section of the worksheet, the home visitor reflects on
the parent’s question or issue and considers how both the parent and the home
visitor him- or herself view the identified concern. Next, the home visitor is
encouraged to clarify what is happening. In this second section, the home
visitor reflects on questions he or she could ask to gather more information. In
the third section, the home visitor considers possible reasons why the behav-
ior or situation is occurring, again from the parent or caregiver and home
visitor perspectives, but also from the child’s perspective. This encourages the
home visitor to reflect on all of the potential relationship dynamics we have
discussed. Finally, the home visitor is encouraged to identify some possible
responses or solutions with criteria to evaluate progress and success.
Consider how Carmen could use the PAUSE worksheet format to cap-
ture her experience with Charley and Frances. For example, as Carmen later
uses this information in reflective supervision, she may notice her own reac-
tions and her urges to “fix” the problem. She may also note any changes in the
behaviors of Frances and Charley when she was more reflective and patient,
compared to when she was acting directive. This information can help Car-
men to have a better understanding of the needs that Frances and Charley
each present. Carmen would be able to use the PAUSE worksheet to document
any plans that she and Frances co-create to address the issues as they have
identified them. Similarly, the worksheet can help Carmen and Frances dis-
cuss the effectiveness of the strategies they tried. A sample completed PAUSE

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 34 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 35

worksheet illustrating Carmen’s experience with this family can be found in

Figure 3.2.
A second form, the Provider Reflection worksheet (Appendix 3B), is
intended for use in reflection on action or after the interaction with the family
is complete. The goal of this set of questions is to help the home visitor con-
sider actions to improve skills as well as to identify potential issues to discuss
in reflective supervision. This is a key part of the process, as the home visitor
will gain great insights, both from the self-reflection component of complet-
ing this process and from discussing it with a supervisor. Figure 3.3 illustrates
Carmen’s self-reflection of her work with Charley and Frances and how she
might plan for future sessions with this family.

EVALUATE THE OUTCOMES USING REFLECTIVE PROCESSES

Because family life is often complex and sometimes stressful, it is not unusual
for workers who support families to feel the stress themselves. Reflecting on
the choices made in the work provides a way for the home visitor to gain sup-
port, evaluate efforts, and engage in continuous learning and growth. Being
able to step back and reflect on the work is valuable, whether done on one’s
own or, preferably, within a supervision or consulting relationship. Therefore,
part of taking action is reflecting back on that action in an evaluative way. In
the vignettes, Carmen provided support and empathy to Frances and Charley.
She was later able to successfully direct Frances’ attention to Charley’s experi-
ence of absence from her mother while in child care. However, things could
have gone differently. Imagine the following variation in the vignette.

Frances responds to Carmen’s question about her new work sched-

ule by snapping, “It’s fine. I have to do it.” Undeterred, Carmen pur-
sues her concern for the child by asking, “I wonder how it’s been for Charley
to be at child care longer hours?” Frances, now clearly irritated, replies,
“Well, we are both stuck, aren’t we?” The visit ends shortly after this
exchange.

In this version, Carmen missed Frances’ tone and pursued her own
agenda of highlighting Charley’s experience. Later, Carmen may reflect that
the sympathy and empathy offered at the beginning were more effective and
that she jumped too quickly from that strategy, resulting in an ineffective and
unsatisfying end to the session. She may plan to stay longer with Frances’ per-
spective next time.
So far, we have discussed how a provider can form an initial or on-the-
spot response and then evaluate the effectiveness of that effort in reflection

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 35 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

36 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

PAUSE WORKSHEET

Charley
Child:______________________________________________________ 1/20/15
Date: _______________
Frances
Parent: ________________________________ Carmen
Provider: _______________________________

PERCEIVE—Explore what is happening.

Parent/caregiver perspective: Provider perspective:

Charley is misbehaving/hitting. Charley is tired, probably overtired.

Frances is frustrated with Charley’s Frances is struggling with what action
behavior. to take; maybe a time out is needed?
Develop a sleep schedule?
No one is getting sleep.

ASK—Clarify what is happening.

where
Starting with thethe parent/caregiverpriorities
parent/caregiver’s is, ask more detailed/specific
and concerns, ask morequestions to clarify questions
detailed/specific what is
happening:
to clarify what is happening
Ask Frances about changes in family’s routine.
Ask when behavior changed and what was happening with Charley.
What strategies have been tried to help the family get more sleep?

UNDERSTAND—Explore why it is happening.

With the parent/caregiver, explore explanations for what is happening. Consider possible
explanations that include the environment, the child, and the parent. Listen and observe
closely as you explore the situation in conversation with the family.

Parent/caregiver Provider perspective: Child’s perspective:

perspective:
Frances changed her I want to support Charley is likely
work schedule to include this mom to deal with adjusting to a new
more hours. Charley’s behavior. My schedule. Her sleep
Charley is in child care first instinct is to take patterns have been
longer hours each day. over and model a time- disrupted. She is trying
out. When I step back a to tell her mom this

(continued)
Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, byAngela
Risk by AngelaM. M.Tomlin
Tomlinand
andStephan
StephanA.
A.Viehweg.
Viehweg.
Figure 3.2. Carmen’s PAUSE
Copyright
Copyright © 2016worksheet
© 2016 by Paul
by Paul H. for Publishing
H. Brookes
Brookes CharleyCo.,
Publishing and
Co., Inc. Frances.
Inc. All rights
All rights reserved.
reserved.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 36 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 37

Figure 3.2. (continued)

PAUSE WORKSHEET (continued)

UNDERSTAND (continued)

Parent/caregiver Provider perspective: Child’s perspective:

perspective:

Frances feels frustrated moment, I wonder what through her behavior.

at not having as much might be behind this Since she can’t say, “I’m
time with Charley and new behavior and ask tired and I miss you at
certainly does not like this some questions. Maybe the end of a long day,”
behavior. this mom’s change she instead is irritable
in schedule is more and sometimes hits. She
disruptive than I realized wants some mommy time
and they need some time and to rest.
to adjust.

STRATEGIZE and EVALUATE—Identify possible responses/solutions.

1. Solution/action to try: How will we know if it works?

Hold off on giving problem solving/ Frances may seem calm or report feeling
less frustrated. Frances may be more
giving advice. Instead, respond to the
attentive to Charley. Charley’s behavior
parent’s emotion about the situation. will improve.
When will
When will we
we evaluate
evaluate ifif itit works?
works?

Monitor Frances’ attentiveness and

Charley’s behaviors during the next
session.

2. Solution/action to try: How will we know if it works?

Acknowledge the change in the A family report of improved sleep will
family schedule and suggest everyone indicate success.
needs some time to adjust. If the
situation does not improve, suggest When
When will
willwe
weevaluate
evaluateif ifit itworks?
works?
exploring a sleep schedule to help We’ll evaluate this at each session.
everyone get better rest.

Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Copyright © 2016 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2016 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 37 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

38 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

Provider reflection worksheet

Child: Charley Date: 1-20-15

Parent: Frances

Provider: Carmen

1. How did I follow the parent’s I was able to stop myself from just stepping in
lead to learn what is most
pressing or important to the
and taking over the situation. But it was so
family? challenging and I could see it was bothering
Frances. Yet I was able to understand her
main concern was getting back to “normal”
and getting some much-needed rest.

2. How did I ask clarifying After realizing Frances was exhausted, I said
questions to help me
understand the problem “You poor guys! What a hard time you are
better? both having. What can I do to help?”

3. How did I provide information I think I was able to help Frances see that,
that may help the family
better understand the child’s given the change in the family’s schedule,
behavior? they needed some time to adjust and Charley’s
behavior might be a reflection of the stress
the family is experiencing.

(continued)

Figure 3.3.
Tackling Carmen’s
the Tough Provider
Stuff: A Home Reflection
Visitor’s Guide worksheet
to Supporting forbyCharley
Families at Risk, Angela M.and TomlinFrances.
and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Copyright © 2016 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 38 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 39

Figure 3.3. (continued)

PROVIDER REFLECTION WORKSHEET (continued)

4. How did I engage the family I decided to wait to offer strategies about sleep
to develop a response that
may include a strategy to
schedules or behavior management, in order
try, a resource to use, or to see whether, with a little time, they might
more information to increase adjust to the new schedule.
understanding?

5. How did I provide support I think my acknowledgement of how hard

and emotional containment if
needed? this is helped Frances see the issue was about
being tired and not something more serious.
I noticed they both snuggled together a bit
when Frances calmed down.

6. How do I plan to follow up on I will explore some sleep schedule resources in

promised actions to maintain
trust? case they are still struggling, and I have some
behavior management techniques in mind if
needed.

7. What do I want to discuss I am curious why I was so quick to want to

in reflective supervision to
improve my practice and just take control and model a time out instead
outcomes with this child and of really listening to this mother. How can I
family? slow myself down in these situations?

Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Copyright © 2016 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 39 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

40 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

later. Sometimes, that simple strategy will be enough to resolve the issue. In
some cases, the provider may realize that a longer-term solution is needed to
resolve the problem. This could mean many things, ranging from helping the
family obtain additional concrete resources that can help. In the vignettes,
Carmen’s strategy of supporting Frances to consider Charley’s perspective
may be enough. Other simple solutions could include problem solving with
Frances to identify someone who can watch Charley while she gets some
rest or checking with the child care provider to look for solutions to improve
Charley’s adjustment.
Considering the scenario with Carmen and all of the possible variations,
it seems clear that home visitors will benefit from taking time to wonder and
reflect about what might be happening with a family. Regardless of practi-
tioners’ best intentions and efforts, they will encounter some situations or
events that are beyond their scope of practice. Part of reflection may need to
include reframing one’s understanding of the child, family, or situation. In
the vignettes, Carmen knows that Frances has increased her work hours and
assumes that this was her choice. However, suppose that she does not know
that Frances needed more income because her partner, Thomas, has left her
and Charley and the family is on the verge of being evicted. If she had this
additional information, Carmen might have a very different perspective and
response. The questions she asks, information she needs to gather, and other
helpers and resources that may be needed may change dramatically.

COMMON CHALLENGING ISSUES

Next, we address a few of the more common but challenging issues that home
visitors might encounter with families and suggest helpful responses. In all of
the scenarios presented so far, the home visitor and the family have a relation-
ship that includes willingness to engage and work together. However, as with
any approach, there will be times when it does not work smoothly. For exam-
ple, there may be times when a parent does not respond or seems unwilling
to participate in the dialogue. Possible explanations are virtually infinite, but
might include: it’s too soon in the relationship for the discussion, the parent is
preoccupied with something else, or the parent does not think the home visi-
tor will be able to help. No matter the reason, resist the urge to keep pushing
a perspective! Stay patient, remain available but not intrusive, and continue to
build the relationship (Beeber & Canuso, 2012).
Other times, the home visitor may find that his or her sympathetic ear
has unleashed a torrent of emotions or words. Although a parent may benefit
from venting emotions, the home visitor may find this to be overwhelming
and may worry that it is unproductive. It would be understandable for the
home visitor to try to set limits, including ignoring the emotional flood and
trying to turn the conversation to a more concrete level. However, setting a

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 40 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 41

limit alone is unlikely to have the desired response. If this is an infrequent

occurrence, it may be fine to allow the venting to proceed. However, if the
emotional flood continues, the home visitor may need to address it directly.
Ask the parent if it would be okay to step back and revisit the home visitor’s
role and function with the family. Directly discuss the parent’s apparent need
to vent emotions and ask who else is able to provide this role and support.
Another common problem for home visitor is a parent who does not fol-
low through with any plan that is made. Sometimes this is obvious from the
beginning, as the parent greets every suggestion with “yes, but” or informs
the provider that his or her ideas will not work. Other parents appear to agree
with all suggestions but never actually try them. Again, the issue may be tim-
ing, so patience and persistence may be appropriate. If the situation continues,
a direct approach may be needed. The home visitor can identify what he or
she observes and ask the parent to talk about what is happening. Presenting
the issue as something to be discussed and better understood can prevent the
parent from feeling accused. Instead, the home visitor conveys the sense of
interest and collaborative problem-solving.
We have discussed the importance of trying to understand how the fam-
ily sees various issues or concerns. Understanding a parent’s perspective is
useful because it informs strategies that may be helpful. Also, from a parallel
process perspective, the provider’s efforts to understand the parent’s experi-
ence are likely to help the parent’s ability to take his or her child’s perspective.
There are likely times when it is extremely difficult to come to a shared under-
standing of the situation. Some parents may have very strong beliefs about
children in general or about a specific child. Acknowledging the difference
of opinion and asking the parent to share more about his or her views can
be useful and set the stage for gently challenging the parent’s view. By asking
the parent to explain his or her views and ideas, the home visitor can better
understand the source of the beliefs and then carefully offer other perspec-
tives. Helping the parent to name his or her own beliefs and begin to under-
stand how he or she connects to behavior is an important reflective skill that
allows perspective taking. Consider how Bob, a physical therapist, uses this
strategy in a home visit.

Bob, a physical therapist in an early intervention home program, is

completing paperwork at the end of a session with Tom and his
daughter, Cristy. Suddenly, Cristy pulls over a large plant, spilling dirt every-
where. Tom begins shouting, grabs Cristy, and threatens to spank her. Bob is
aware that Tom believes in spanking, but he has never witnessed him doing
it and they have never spoken about it in detail. Bob freezes and considers
his options: gather his things quickly and leave or address what is happening.
Tom, noticing Bob’s expression, says, “I know you all think I should not spank

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 41 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

42 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

her. But just look what she does!” Bob answers carefully, “I see this is a big
mess and that you are pretty upset. And it’s true I am not in favor of spank-
ing. But I would be willing to hear how you think spanking would help.”
   There is a long pause. Finally, Tom says, “My dad spanked me and I
turned out just fine. I want Cristy to learn that there are some things that
aren’t allowed, like making a big mess.” Bob says, “Yes, I agree that kids
need some limits and they need parents to teach them what they should
and should not do. I wonder what Cristy learns from spankings?”

In this example, the PT showed respect by asking to learn more about the
parent’s beliefs and parenting practices. This method ultimately challenged
the parent’s beliefs indirectly, by helping the father to think about his ideas
about parenting more critically. Next steps in this discussion could include
talking about what Cristy might have been trying to do with the plant and
what other ways there could be to teach her not to make a mess.

REFLECTING ON REFLECTION
When faced with a family that is struggling, a provider may often feel a “press”
(pressure) to offer a solution or fix the problem quickly (Heffron et al., 2005).
It is hard to maintain the discipline needed to think broadly when the situa-
tion seems to call for action. Although it may not be appropriate or possible
to solve every problem or alleviate every difficult situation, we often can pro-
vide some relief through listening, offering empathy, or asking a question that
opens up discussion.
In Chapter 2, we discussed a variety of concepts related to reflective prac-
tice. Using reflection in our partnerships with young children and families
sounds simple, but it takes a good deal of practice to be able to apply these
skills in the moment. Performing skills such as observing, listening, and ask-
ing questions also takes time; it can be hard to remain patient and refrain from
taking what may feel like needed steps to solve a problem. This may be espe-
cially likely for early childhood professionals who are often action-oriented
people: those who are more comfortable with doing than talking about doing.
They may feel proud of their ability to “get ’er done” or may have been praised
for a “take charge” attitude. Parents, used to professionals working from other
frameworks, may seem to want professionals to take over. At other times, a
situation may seem so concerning that the home visitor feels strong internal
pressure to take action based on his or her perception of the family’s needs or
own need to resolve a situation that feels intolerable (Heffron et al., 2005). This
“press,” though normal to feel, can be extremely hard to resist!
Although it is true that there are times when being able to solve prob-
lems and “just do it” is called for, there are many other times when a different
approach may be more effective in the long run. One important outcome of

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 42 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 43

taking time to slow down and deepen one’s thinking is it may prevent conclu-
sions that lead to hurtful actions. With a wondering stance, many possible
explanations for what is happening are allowed and time for many possibili-
ties emerges. Multiple alternatives can be considered and judgment can be
suspended until more information has been gathered. As Jeree Pawl once said,
“Don’t just do something, stand there and pay attention!” (Pawl & St. Johns,
1998, p. 7). Because the action needed may be different than it originally
appeared, slowing down and asking questions can result in a more accurate
picture, leading to better solutions.
In some situations, there is no action that is appropriate for the home
visitor to take, regardless of how much information is collected. Perhaps the
appropriate action may be to seek help from professionals other than the
home visitor, such as a mental health or child welfare worker. At other times,
instead of taking direct action or enlisting action from others, the home visi-
tor may be most helpful when providing support for the parent to explore
and understand the situation him- or herself. Sensitive supports such as this
allow parents to develop better problem-solving skills of their own that they
can use when the home visitor is not there. This support may or may not lead
to a decision or action by the parent. Finally, it is important to recognize that
there are some situations for which there is no adequate solution; it may be
that accepting the situation “as is” is really all that can be done. Examples
might include sudden tragic situations such as the loss of a family member or
chronic problems such as living in extreme poverty. In all of these situations,
the message is that the most appropriate step is to better understand the issue
before considering any action.

WHAT’S NEXT?
Next, it is time to translate the relationship-based and reflective skills we have
reviewed into practice. We will begin by thinking about behavior challenges
and how to gather information to help us partner with families to address
these concerns. Then we will explore some common issues home visitors
encounter in their daily work in the following several chapters. These chap-
ters are intended to serve as reference material for you when discussing simi-
lar problems with families. The chapters will not give you simple answers for
every family, but they will provide context for starting the conversation and
problem-solving process.

TIPS FOR PRACTICE

◗ Be prepared for sessions as planned, and be open and flexible for unexpected
changes to the plan.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 43 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

44 ● ● ● Tomlin and Viehweg

◗ Remember to PAUSE—slow down, wonder, and consider multiple perspec-

tives—before taking any action steps.

◗ At times, an action is not necessary. Simply sitting with a parent, hearing

his or her concerns, and connecting to emotions may be best. This strategy
can help a parent calm down and allow him or her to have better thinking,
leading to the chance that a solution might emerge.

KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER

◗ Combining relationship-based and reflective practice strategies—includ-
ing observing, listening, and asking questions—can result in better under-
standing of situations in home visiting work and thus lead to more effective
responses.

◗ It is important to consider the perspective of all participants (i.e., child, par-

ent, home visitor) when working to understand what may be happening and
what will be helpful.

◗ Recognition of role boundaries is necessary. There may be times when the

home visitor should not take action or responsibility; rather, the home
visitor would be most helpful when supporting the parent to reflect or by
encouraging the parent to seek help from others.

PAUSE stands for Perceive, Ask, Understand, Strategize, and Evaluate (see
Figure 3.4).

SUGGESTED FURTHER READINGS

Foley, G., & Hochman, J. (Eds.). (2006). Mental health in early intervention:
A unity of principles and practice. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Weatherson, D., & Tableman, B. (In press). Infant mental health home visit­ing:
Supporting competencies/reducing risks. Southgate, MI: Michigan Associa-
tion for Infant Mental Health.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 44 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE—A Problem-Solving Framework ●●● 45

Evaluate Perceive
• Evaluate the outcomes • Observe and listen.
using reflective processes.

PAUSE
Strategize Ask
• Select and take actions. • Ask questions to
learn more about
what is happening.

Understand
• Understand each participant’s
experience or viewpoint.

Figure 3.4. The PAUSE framework in detail.

Excerpted from Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor's Guide to Supporting Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 45 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff
APPENDIX 3A

PAUSE WORKSHEET

Child:______________________________________________________ Date: _______________

Parent: ________________________________ Provider: _______________________________

PERCEIVE—Explore what is happening.

Parent/caregiver perspective: Provider perspective:

ASK—Clarify what is happening.

where
Starting with thethe parent/caregiverpriorities
parent/caregiver’s is, ask more detailed/specific
and concerns, ask morequestions to clarify questions
detailed/specific what is
happening:
to clarify what is happening

UNDERSTAND—Explore why it is happening.

With the parent/caregiver, explore explanations for what is happening. Consider possible
explanations that include the environment, the child, and the parent. Listen and observe
closely as you explore the situation in conversation with the family.

Parent/caregiver Provider perspective: Child’s perspective:

perspective:

(continued)
Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, byAngela
Risk by AngelaM. M.Tomlin
Tomlinand
andStephan
StephanA.
A.Viehweg.
Viehweg.
Excerpted from Tackling the
Copyright
Copyright © Tough
© 2016
2016 by Stuff:
by Paul
Paul A Home
H. Brookes
H. Brookes Visitor's
Publishing
Publishing Co., Guide
Co., Inc. All
Inc. to Supporting
All rights
rights reserved.
reserved. Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 46 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PAUSE WORKSHEET (continued)

UNDERSTAND (continued)

Parent/caregiver Provider perspective: Child’s perspective:

perspective:

STRATEGIZE and EVALUATE—Identify possible responses/solutions.

1. Solution/action to try: How will we know if it works?

When will we evaluate if it works?

2. Solution/action to try: How will we know if it works?

When will we evaluate if it works?

Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Copyright © 2016 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.
Excerpted from Tackling the ©
Copyright Tough
2016 byStuff:
Paul H.ABrookes
HomePublishing
Visitor'sCo.,
Guide
Inc. Allto Supporting
rights reserved. Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 47 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE,
APPENDIX 3B go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

Provider reflection worksheet

Child: Date:

Parent:

Provider:

1. How did I follow the parent’s

lead to learn what is most
pressing or important to the
family?

2. How did I ask clarifying

questions to help me
understand the problem
better?

3. How did I provide information

that may help the family
better understand the child’s
behavior?

(continued)

Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Excerpted from Tackling the
Copyright Tough
© 2016 Stuff:
by Paul A Home
H. Brookes Visitor's
Publishing Guide
Co., Inc. to Supporting
All rights reserved. Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 48 10/19/15 6:42 AM

 FOR MORE, go to http://www.brookespublishing.com/tackling-the-tough-stuff

PROVIDER REFLECTION WORKSHEET (continued)

4. How did I engage the family

to develop a response that
may include a strategy to
try, a resource to use, or
more information to increase
understanding?

5. How did I provide support

and emotional containment if
needed?

6. How do I plan to follow up on

promised actions to maintain
trust?

7. What do I want to discuss

in reflective supervision to
improve my practice and
outcomes with this child and
family?

Tackling the Tough Stuff: A Home Visitor’s Guide to Supporting Families at Risk, by Angela M. Tomlin and Stephan A. Viehweg.
Excerpted from Tackling the
Copyright Tough
© 2016 Stuff:
by Paul A Home
H. Brookes Visitor's
Publishing Co., Guide to Supporting
Inc. All rights reserved. Families at Risk
by Angela M. Tomlin, PhD, HSPP, IMH-E® (IV) and Stephan A. Viehweg, ACSW, LCSW, IMH-E® (IV)
Brookes Publishing | www.brookespublishing.com | 1-800-638-3775
© 2015 | All rights reserved

03--Ch. 3--27-50.indd 49 10/19/15 6:42 AM