Angus Silva

Michelle Deines

MUTH 127

April 3, 2024

A Series of Jonathan Larson’s Inner Monologues: The Tick, Tick Until the Boom

Childhood

I have a piano lesson in a bit1 but hey, thats for later. Mom and dad are still using their

vinyls but I’ve been taping over this random cassette all morning with songs from the legendary

Sondheim and Bernstein but it’s definitely going to be weird since I also mixed in some songs

from the Beatles, the Police, and the Who so it’s definitely going to be a weird bunch2. Either

way, I go for a walk at Druss’3 4 listening to my new mixtape and just got the worst headache but

it’s probably nothing5.

Adolescence

I’m a bit tired6 from so many rehearsals, like band and the school musical, but hey it’s

hard being the lead in a musical like Fiddler7 8! Tevye has been an honour and a blast to play but

1
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” in Glbtq (glbtq, 2015),
https://ezproxy.capilanou.ca/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=
edo&AN=110492352&site=eds-live&scope=site. Note: this is in relation to his piano lessons during childhood.
2
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson, other, American
Theatre, 1996,
https://ezproxy.capilanou.ca/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=l
fh&AN=9607221151&site=eds-live&scope=site. Note: Here, Larson describes what he was listening to in his early
years
3
Wollman, Elizabeth. “Larson, Jonathan.” In Oxford Music Online. Oxford University Press, 2013.
https://doi-org.ezproxy.capilanou.ca/10.1093/gmo/9781561592630.article.A2285127. Note: provided context for
where Larson grew up and was born
4
“Druss Park.” n.d. Map. Google Maps. https://maps.app.goo.gl/UWv5JUppFVrHmsDt6. Note: a park in White
Plains where Larson would have had his childhood
5
“Marfan Syndrome,” National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases, December 15, 2023,
https://www.niams.nih.gov/health-topics/marfan-syndrome.
6
“Marfan Syndrome,” National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases Note: I wanted to add
hints to him having this physical ailment ever since he was young as foreshadowing of how his later life will go
7
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2
8
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson
still I need to focus on my tuba skills for marching band… damn, I also need to rehearse singing

for choir9. Who needs brass instruments anyway10?! Either way, I just think theatre is a great way

for me to express myself and tell a great story or something important that people need to know I

was just kidding earlier about being the lead11. If Sondheim were anything else but a theatre guy,

I would have done whatever he does12!

Young Adult (late 1970s)

I can’t believe I’m on the island now at Adelphi AND I get to do what I’ve always

loved13 14. Everything is going great considering that I get to work with so many people

especially making great pieces with my the theater department head15. While I am in school for

acting, I really like this game where I take a melody out of songs I like and take their chord

structures and go ham16! A colleague of mine, Kerry, told me that I should write to Sondheim,

my idol, of course, and well Kerry said “the worst thing that could happen was that he won’t

write you back”17. I really hope this leads to something and if it doesn’t, it’s good knowing I

tried.

9
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: source mentions Larson in choir during high school
10
The Science Scholar, “#FEATURE: Waking up a Generation: The Story of Jonathan Larson,” Medium, March 22,
2022,
https://medium.com/the-science-scholar/feature-waking-up-a-generation-the-story-of-jonathan-larson-79be3066dbf9
. Note: this is in reference to him not only playing tuba for band but also trumpet during his earlier years.
11
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “I am the
kind of person that when I write my own work, I have something I need to say.”
12
Deines, Michelle. “The 1990’s.” MUTH 127 Class. Lecture presented at the MUTH 127 Class, March 27, 2024.
Note: “He said something along the lines of ‘If Sondheim were a painter, I would do what he does anyway.’”
13
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University, July 3, 2023,
https://www.adelphi.edu/news/it-all-began-here-jonathan-larson-82-at-adelphi/. Note: this source references
Larson’s alma mater and where the university was located.
14
Wollman, Elizabeth. “Larson, Jonathan.” Note: this source specifies what degree he took.
15
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2
16
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University. Note: “He would take songs, strip out
the melody, keep the chord structure and rewrite new melodies, just for fun.”
17
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University. Note: “Prep said Larson worshiped
composer and lyricist Stephen Sondheim and always played his records in the dorm. Prep told Larson he should
write Sondheim a fan letter. ‘I said the worst thing that can happen is he won’t write you back,’ Prep said.”
 On the other hand, I wanna make big changes and I’m no scared cow18 19. I’m gonna take

a chance at doing controversial social issues and hell, I’m even working on some cabarets about

the stuff happening around me… homophobia, drugs, the many innocent immigrants of this

country and well the big epidemic that makes the people most dear to me afraid to sleep with

anyone or they’ll die20 21. That was a lot to think about, but still, it’s something that needs to be

said and heard by everyone so all the unnecessary discourse can finally die down and we’ll all

finally understand each other22.

Young Adult (early 1980s)

SONDHEIM WROTE BACK, OH MY GOD23! This feedback really works well but he is

telling me that I should focus on being a composer rather than an actor24. I’ll see where this

advice takes me I guess an I’ll still finish my BFA in acting, otherwise it’d be a waste in this

economy25. Right now, I’m wrangling this other project with my friend David and the title is a bit

of a tongue twister because it’s called Sacrimmoralinority26 but the artistic process is lengthy so I

18
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University. Note: “Lally said ‘Jon was given the
freedom to write about political topics. There were no sacred cows.’”
19
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: I wanted to
embody the “sure of himself” tone that Larson had in the interview.
20
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University. Note: I also wanted to embody the
courage and gusto Larson had for writing something controversial despite the possible backlash
21
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “He saw his
friends getting the illness and he feared for his own life, said filmmaker and former Adelphi classmate Victoria
Leacock Hoffman ’85. ‘It was a nightmare. Everybody was dying… Suddenly you were afraid to sleep with
anybody. You’re in your 20s, and you were afraid you would get AIDS and find out you were going to die in two
years.’”
22
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University. Note: Lally said. “Jon was given the
freedom to write about political topics. There were no sacred cows.”
23
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi,” Adelphi University. Note: references how Sondheim wrote
back to Larson.
24
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “Larson often credited Sondheim for encouraging
him to concentrate on his work as a composer rather than pursue a career in acting.”
25
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: References that he graduated with the BFA in
Acting.
26
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: References the name prior to the actual title.
wouldn’t be surprised if that mouthful changes27. We’ve been working hard on it and I just hope

it’ll end up any good.

Adult Life (1980s)

I graduated and now I’m in Manhattan living the Bohemian life with a lovely bathtub in

my kitchen28. A composer by day, with my beloved electric keyboard, and a waiter by night29.

With this much working, of course I get migraines30 but hey, it’ll be all worth it one day.

The people who now manage the rights for George Orwell’s book, 1984, didn’t give me

the rights to it, which is ironic in itself. If I can’t write a 1984 musical, I guess I’ll write a

musical with a similar spirit31. Well Sondheim, here’s to your advice and hoping I make the right

choice32.

Adult Life (1989-1990s33)

I’m feeling so many things at once: horrid lower back pain34, grief35, and pride.

Superbia… my fruit of labour for seven years had a workshop at New York's Playwrights

Horizon and a concert at the Village Gate and now, an the Richard Rogers Development

27
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: Hints how the show was actually renamed.
28
Boho Days. YouTube, 2022. https://youtu.be/ly_4MUwWwJ0?si=5HC4I2b8A-gNI2sB. Note: the song comes from
an autobiographical set of songs and monologues by Larson and this was a reference to his lifestyle
29
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “He supported himself financially as a waiter in the
evenings at the Moondance Diner, in the SoHo neighborhood of Manhattan, while composing music on an electric
keyboard in his apartment during the day.”
30
“Marfan Syndrome,” National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases Note: I wanted to show
how his intense work ethic has possibly affected him despite this not being factual but an inference of something
possible that would also hint at his misdiagnosis later in life.
31
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “Between 1983 and 1990, Larson worked on a
futuristic rock opera titled Superbia (a Latin term for the deadly sin of "pride"). The work began as a retelling of the
George Orwell novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, but the Orwell estate denied him permission to adapt it. Larson revised
the story, but the work remained a dark, dystopian vision of the future.”
32
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “Larson often credited Sondheim for encouraging
him to concentrate on his work as a composer rather than pursue a career in acting.”
33
​Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note:
34
“Marfan Syndrome,” National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases Note:
35
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: During the years he worked on Superbia , several
friends of Larson's succumbed to the AIDS epidemic.
Grant36?! I’m at a loss for words. I-I made it! I did the right thing. People might think it was a

little too angry in tone and well, I did dream big about the37 scope of things but I have hope but I

know it’ll do well and this will be the thing to get me out of here38.

I lost some of the most vital people in my life along the way and I need people to know

how that disease is killing us, not just gay men39. AIDS killed my beloved friend Matt and I want

people to know that nobody, especially him succumbed to it but instead lived a dignified life

fighting this hell of a beast40.

Recently, I just so happened to be connected to Ira Weitzman and he connected me to

Billy Anderson41 and we’re currently working on a modern adaptation of an old opera by ahem

(in a deep operatic voice) Puccini42! We’re currently writing it so that it’s based on the Upper

West Side and while I respect his work, I don’t think yuppies would really tell the story justice43.

36
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “Superbia was given a workshop at New York's
Playwrights Horizon and a rock concert version was performed at the Village Gate in 1989. Larson also received a
Richard Rogers Development Grant from the American Academy of Arts and Letters for his musical.”
37
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “Although several influential people in the musical
theater world were impressed with Larson's efforts, the show was deemed too big in scope and too angry in tone.
Consequently, Larson was unsuccessful in finding producers interested in giving the work a full-scale production,
which disappointed him greatly.”
38
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “Although several influential people in the musical
theater world were impressed with Larson's efforts, the show was deemed too big in scope and too angry in tone.
Consequently, Larson was unsuccessful in finding producers interested in giving the work a full-scale production,
which disappointed him greatly.”
39
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note:“Jonathan Larson, the theater composer, librettist,
and playwright, wrote sympathetically and persuasively about a diverse community of artists, many of whom
identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgender.” is a quote that implies his allyship to the LGBTQ+
community.
40
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: a quote that
supports this is that “Two years later a number of my friends, men and women, were finding out they were
HIV-positive. I was devastated, and needed to do something… I am the kind of person that when I write my own
work, I have something I need to say.”
41
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “Ira
Weitzman put me in touch with Billy Aronson…”
42
Craig Kaczorowski, “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996),” 2 Note: “The idea for the musical that would eventually
become Rent originated with the playwright Billy Aronson in 1988. Aronson, an opera buff, wanted to create a
contemporary American version of his favorite Puccini opera La Bohème, set in New York's Upper West Side.”
43
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note:
“...he wanted to do a modern-day La Boheme, set it on the Upper West Side, and make it about Yuppies and funny. I
said, ‘That doesn't interest me…’”
He’s been working on a lot of it like the libretto and most of the songs while I was only assigned

to work on a couple of songs I can’t blame Anderson since he never really spent time in the East

Village but I do need to tell him soon44. He has been nice to work with so I do need to tell him

amicably45 and such to keep this professional relationship since it would be a great opportunity

working with him in the future.

Adulthood (1994)

I don’t know how and I cannot believe it at all. I didn’t even know I would get this far but

I did and now another award46? I’m a two timing recipient of the Richard Rogers Studio

Production Award from the American Academy of Arts and Letters47?! I’m honoured and glad

and well, finally an important story is being recognized. It’s gotten a lot darker and gritty since

Anderson’s departure with all the talk of physical illness, the AIDS epidemic, and mental, like

addiction48. Well, while I’m very proud, I hope Billy Anderson is proud as well because without

him, this idea wouldn’t have been born49. Well, I’m glad I have hope going far in this industry

now and I just hope I leave a legacy behind.

Adulthood (January 21, 1996)

44
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “He wanted
to write the book and lyrics, and I was to set a few of the songs tomusic and see what everyone's response was.”
45
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “The
parting was friendly. Larson wrote a formal letter to Aronson stating that ‘if any such miracle as a production ever
happens,’ he would give Aronson credit and compensation for the idea.”
46
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “‘if any
such miracle as a production ever happens,’” is a quote that implies Larson’s disbelief.
47
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: Rent
“received a second staged reading in 1994, where it won a Richard Rogers Studio Production Award from the
American Academy of Arts and Letters.”
48
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note: “Larson
recognized parallels between Puccini's bohemians…young artists with raw talent who work low-wage jobs in order
to support their art, and who live in an urban environment unsettled by drugs, poverty, and disease” and was also
described as “much grungier” than the Upper West Side
49
John Istel and Jonathan Larson, “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan Larson Note:“When Rent
was eventually produced, Aronson was credited for ‘original concept/additional lyrics.’”
 We just finished the last day of rehearsal and I feel like an absolute wreck. My head hurts

and I think I’m gonna-50no. No I can’t we need to get this done. I need to go on a smoke break.

Just… (puff) *sigh* God my chest is killing me51. Everything is spinning52. It’s… it’s

very bad. I think I need to call an ambulance53.

The sirens54 are loud, and hell I live in New York. The paramedics say it’s something

like… pleuritic chest pain? Whatever that means (coughing).

So apparently no cardiac disease but I’m still dizzy and short of breath55. God. Wait

what? They’re pumping my stomach56? And I’ll be out in an hour57? I mean if you say so. I’ll

take the pills I just need to be good for opening night. I guess I’ll go home now because I’m no

good working in this state.

I still somehow feel like utter crap. What’s happening? It’s probably just because of the

show and how stressed I am. That’s all it is.

Adulthood (January 25, 1996)

50
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” The New York Times, February 11,
1996.
https://www.nytimes.com/1996/02/11/theater/theater-a-composer-s-death-echoes-in-his-musical.html#:~:text=After
%20watching%20the%20final%20dress,report%2C%20was%20an%20aortic%20aneurysm.
51
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: “6:45 P.M.: Mr. Larson is
taken by ambulance to the Cabrini Medical Center emergency room at 227 East 19th Street.”
52
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: “A friend remembers him
saying, ‘My chest is killing me.’”
53
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: “Mr. Larson is taken by
ambulance”
54
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: Mr. Larson is taken by
ambulance”
55
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: “Mr. Larson complains of
dizziness and shortness of breath.”
56
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: The doctor says to Larson “...
I want to pump his stomach.''
57
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” Note: The doctor states that “You'll
be out of here in one hour…'
 Jesus, I look paler than I usually am but I just… (panting) I need to go to bed but I don’t

know I think some very58 early morning tea will help with whatever I’m going through59.

Everything has been stressful but you know what, I think it’ll be all okay.

58
Deines, Michelle. “The 1990’s.” MUTH 127 Class. Note: It was found that he was boiling a pot of water. I just
wanted to mention tea to find a reason to boil water.
59
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.”
 Bibliography

Abramovitch, Seth. “Jonathan Larson Died on Rent’s Opening Night in ’96.” Hollywood
Reporter 472, no. 39, 2021.
https://ezproxy.capilanou.ca/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=tru
e&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edsbig&AN=edsbig.A685459398&site=eds-live&scope=site.
Boho Days. YouTube, 2022. https://youtu.be/ly_4MUwWwJ0?si=5HC4I2b8A-gNI2sB.
Deines, Michelle. “The 1990’s.” MUTH 127 Class. Lecture presented at the MUTH 127 Class,
March 27, 2024.
Derwin, Nina. “11 Classic Slang Words from the 1970s We Forgot About.” Esquire, November
16, 2023. https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/g45815508/1970s-slang-words/.
“Druss Park.” n.d. Map. Google Maps. https://maps.app.goo.gl/UWv5JUppFVrHmsDt6.
Istel, John, and Jonathan Larson. “I Have Something to Say”: An Interview with Jonathan
Larson. Other. American Theatre 13, 1996.
https://ezproxy.capilanou.ca/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=tru
e&AuthType=ip,uid&db=lfh&AN=9607221151&site=eds-live&scope=site.
“It All Began Here: Jonathan Larson ’82 at Adelphi.” Adelphi University, July 3, 2023.
https://www.adelphi.edu/news/it-all-began-here-jonathan-larson-82-at-adelphi/.
“Jonathan Larson Died on Rent’s Opening Night in ’96.” Hollywood Reporter 472, no. 39, 2021.
https://ezproxy.capilanou.ca/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=tru
e&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edsbig&AN=edsbig.A685459398&site=eds-live&scope=site.
Kaczorowski, Craig. “Larson, Jonathan (1960-1996).” In Glbtq. glbtq, 2015.
https://ezproxy.capilanou.ca/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=tru
e&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edo&AN=110492352&site=eds-live&scope=site.
“Marfan Syndrome.” National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases,
December 15, 2023. https://www.niams.nih.gov/health-topics/marfan-syndrome.
The Science Scholar. “#FEATURE: Waking up a Generation: The Story of Jonathan Larson.”
Medium, March 22, 2022.
https://medium.com/the-science-scholar/feature-waking-up-a-generation-the-story-of-jon
athan-larson-79be3066dbf9.
Tommasini, Anthony. “Theater; A Composer’s Death Echoes in His Musical.” The New York
Times, February 11, 1996.
https://www.nytimes.com/1996/02/11/theater/theater-a-composer-s-death-echoes-in-his-
musical.html#:~:text=After%20watching%20the%20final%20dress,report%2C%20was%
20an%20aortic%20aneurysm.
Wollman, Elizabeth. “Larson, Jonathan.” In Oxford Music Online. Oxford University Press,
2013.
https://doi-org.ezproxy.capilanou.ca/10.1093/gmo/9781561592630.article.A2285127.