CHAPTER ONE

Why “personal development”?

W
hy should counsellors and psychotherapists spend time
and effort in looking at their own attitudes and behavi-
ours? Their work will revolve around others, not them-
selves, so what is the point of this self-examination? Would it not be
better to spend the time learning more about other people, or
developing useful skills and techniques?
These are questions that never go away, because each new
generation of counselling and psychotherapy trainees has to find
their own answers. They will be given a variety of ready made
answers from their particular brand of training, but in the end, they
have to make up their own minds. They will have to choose where
to position themselves on a spectrum that extends from the “white
coat” to the “intersubjective” model. At one end, therapeutic change
is achieved by skilled intervention from a qualified expert. At the
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

other, change comes about through meaningful contact between

human beings.
Any sort of therapy that values the relationship between the client
and the therapist/counsellor has to look at both ends of the rela-
tionship. If therapeutic change is the outcome of a relationship
between two or more people, then it is neither logical nor ethical to
suppose that the person labelled the therapist is a neutral ingredient.
How we are as people affects the relationships we have with those
we work with. This is the fundamental idea that underpins this
book.

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 2 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GROUP

Those who are open to this approach recognise the need to know
as much as they can about themselves and how they are in rela-
tionship with others. How to achieve this, however, may not be so
obvious. It is possibly the most difficult aspect of training, and both
trainees and trainers can struggle to find ways of accessing and
promoting growth at this personal level. Creating a designated space
in the time table and putting students together into a group with the
task of “personally developing” may be a first step, but it certainly
does not guarantee the desired outcome. If the group is to become
a place in which students can genuinely learn about themselves and
others, then more is required.
Some of these necessary further ingredients may need to come
from the course, such as devoting time and effort to thinking through
coherent and transparent policies about the relationship of the group
to the course as a whole and its role in assessment. Other vital ingre-
dients are to be found in the group itself, in both its both members
and facilitator.
The role of the facilitator is complex and the manner is which it
is performed is highly influential in the development of the group.
It is not, however, the most significant factor in determining whether
or not a group works well. This comes down to the mixture of group
members, their attitudes and experiences, and their openness to
genuine exploration. A skilful, competent, sensitive facilitator cannot
produce a functioning group without the cooperation of the group
members. Every group member has a shared responsibility to create
a PD group that provides opportunities to learn and grow. This book
has been written to encourage and help the open-minded student to
take up that responsibility. To that end, the role of the facilitator is
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

deliberately minimised, and the focus placed upon helping the group
members to make the best of the group experience regardless of who
is sitting in the facilitator’s chair.
Working hard in the PD group is never enough on its own.
Learning to understand and think about oneself requires a great deal
more than an hour or so a week, term time only. It involves a commit-
ment on the part of the students to take themselves very seriously
indeed. That does not mean some dull earnestness, but rather a lively
questioning of what we think we know about ourselves. We have
ideas and pictures of who we are, what we are like, how we behave
and how we relate that will all need revising in the course of personal

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 WHY “PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT”? 3

development. Taking oneself seriously means being alive to more

possibilities than we had imagined and respecting our own capacity
for creativity and flexibility.
Although much of the work involves what might seem like inter-
minable questioning, there is a large part to be played by humour.
Being able to both take ourselves seriously AND recognise when we
are inflating our self-importance is a major achievement in this sort
of venture. Laughter can have many meanings, but in its com-
passionate form can transform many grey moments, especially in the
PD group.
Being serious and having fun all at the same time is another of
those paradoxes that are encountered again and again both in groups
and in this book. In its very best version, the PD group can be hard
work and at times very destabilising, but also enjoyable.

Theoretical models
The PD group is found in many different places, from clinical
psychology doctorates to counselling certificates. It is always situ-
ated within a particular tribe of counsellors, psychotherapists,
or psychologists who have a preferred model of how people and
therapy work. Models include person centred, gestalt, existential, trans-
personal, psychodynamic, humanistic, relational, systemic, cognitive-
behavioural, cognitive analytic, to name but a few—and integrative
of course.
Despite this variety of contexts, every course that has a PD group
thereby acknowledges that the “person” of the counsellor/therapist/
psychologist is a significant factor. Whatever the differences between
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

models, the common ground lies in the belief that good practice
requires self-understanding on the part of the practitioner. The task
of facilitating this self-understanding unites rather than divides
models. It is the common ground that brings together the clinical
psychology doctorate student, the counselling certificate student, and
all those other group members on different courses in different
places.
Every PD group member is faced with the challenge of learning
to relate in a meaningful manner, to communicate at depth, to change
and to grow, and to facilitate these processes in the client. These are
the common experiences that transcend the tribal boundaries of

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 4 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GROUP

particular models and which form the basis of this book. Inevitably
there will be times when this does not satisfy the purist in any model,
but it is an approach that can engage a broad range of students who
want to learn more both about themselves and others.

Why a group?
Some students struggle not with the idea of personal development
as such, but with the group nature of the task. “I’m a private person”,
they say. “I could never talk openly in a group”. These individuals
see groups as places in which they need to protect themselves rather
than expose any vulnerability. Groups can be dangerous places
where members are exposed to aggression, or ridicule, or humilia-
tion. Groups can reject, punish, attack and damage. Added to this
comes the fear that groups can change behaviour, and that people
behave differently in groups. As a group member I may find myself
doing and saying things that seem out of character or out of my own
control. The image of the mindless and violent mob comes readily
to mind, with old footage of wartime rallies or contemporary street
violence.
This fear of both what might be done to us and what we might
find ourselves doing to others comes up again and again in con-
versations about groups. Being overwhelmed both from without and
within seems a frightening potential that group membership might
unleash. “I’m a private person” because experience has taught me
that other people can dismantle my sense of who I am, break through
my protective defences and expose me to intense and disturbing
emotions. The ultimate danger is the loss of the “self”.
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

This fear of who or what we could become lies at the heart of all
those reasons why some people dread groups. It might not be par-
ticularly conscious, but it plays a key role in our ideas about what
group membership might entail and why it should be avoided. We
have an intuitive awareness that the individual may be overwhelmed
by the group, and for good reason.
In our western culture, the idea of individual is given a dominant
role. We emphasize self-awareness, self-regard, self esteem, self-
actualising—our theoretical frameworks in counselling and psycho-
therapy are dominated by the individual and the intra-psychic.
There is a growing awareness that this might not be the only legiti-

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 WHY “PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT”? 5

mate way to conceptualise human experience, but it still exerts enor-

mous power.
It is challenged from a variety of sources—from intersubjective
theories, from group theories, and increasingly from neuropsychol-
ogy and ecopsychology. But to conceptualise the human mind as an
interactive phenomena and to see the “self” as inseparable from
interaction with “others” requires a major intellectual effort in the
pervasive Anglo-American culture. Just as physically we are
encapsulated within a skin, so we conceive of ourselves psycho-
logically as distinct and bounded. We are programmed with a view
of ourselves as discrete units and of the desirability of that condition.
Separation and individuation are crucial and positively valued
processes, whereas merger, dependence, and enmeshment are
negatively described.
With this particular version of what it is to be a human being,
holding onto one’s self and keeping others at a safe distance becomes
a desirable goal. But the intuitive awareness of the fragility of this
position and the resulting dread of group situations points to a
recognition that there is another story. Our contemporary western
culture and ideology may exalt the individual and downgrade the
group, but the anxiety about group membership reveals the con-
tinuing power of the group.

The individual and the group

The group and the individual are mutually interdependent. The
group cannot exist without the individual and the individual cannot
exist without the group. Like it or not, we are group creatures. We
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

are all born into a group, learn who we are in the context of groups
and live out our lives and deaths within groups. We have no exis-
tence outside of the group—the family, the school, the club, the work-
place, the society, the culture, the language, the beliefs. Even the most
isolated of people are born into relationship with others, belong to
the group “men” or “women”, live as a member of a particular
society in a particular historical context.
We think of the group as being made up of individuals, added
together like so many Lego bricks. First comes the individual, then
we add some of them together, and a group is created. In this version,
the individual is prior to the group. But of course, when we ask where

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 6 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GROUP

these individuals originate, the answer is a group. Individuals are

fragments of groups.
The notion of the individual as a “fragment, dynamically shaped
by the group” comes from the work of S.H. Foulkes,1 a pioneer in
group work. He also referred to the individual as “an artificial, if
plausible, abstraction”. They are challenging phrases, but if we really
engage with them we can understand the relationship between
group and individual in a new way.
Challenging our ingrained ways of thinking is always difficult,
and requires a sustained effort. In a way, the purpose of this book
is to do just that—to challenge habitual ways of thinking and to
expand the understanding of human relationships. What does it
mean to be a “fragment of a group”?
Think about all the groups that you have been a member of
through out your life, from your first family through to your current
group memberships. Groups come in many forms—work group,
sports team, church, interest group, package holiday, political
affiliation, extended family, school, college, and on and on. Then
there are the larger groups of culture, country, gender, race, age,
ability, nationality, religion, and so forth. These are groups we are
inescapably part of, just as we are part of a particular historical
context. The narrative of every life can be told from the perspective
of group membership. Many of the groups are interrelated, circles
within circles, at times concentric and at times overlapping.
Who we are, the “I”, comes from a constant negotiation between
the rewards and responsibilities of these myriad group memberships.
The separate, autonomous, freestanding individual exists only in our
cultural mythology. We are inextricably linked to each other, and
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

we need that web of connection.

Now we can return to the question of “why a group” with a
different perspective. Some might want to answer it in a practical
way, seeing it as a format that is time efficient, relatively inexpensive
and the best solution found so far to the problem of ensuring all
students have the opportunity to engage with the task of personal
development. However, there is another, more persuasive answer
that takes into account the inescapable inter-relationship of group
and individual. We become who we are through our group
belonging. This is as true in the present as it was in the past, and if
we are to change and develop, we can only do it in the context of

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 WHY “PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT”? 7

others. The PD group offers an opportunity to experience and

understand me-in-relation-to-others in a here and now context that
will be shaped by all those other groups, past and present.

Communication in groups
The members of the PD group, like those in a therapy group, have
to learn how to communicate with each other. All of them have learnt
how to communicate in other significant groups and can speak
fluently in that particular language. In certain families, for example,
when mother says “I’m perfectly fine”, everyone understands that
the message is “I’m upset and angry because you haven’t done what
I wanted you to do”. Or when father says “I’m busy” he means
“Don’t tell me how things are for you because I can’t cope with how
you feel.”
Everyone comes into the group from a lifetime of learning about
the different levels of communication, and how to send and receive
signals in their own unique environment. Much of this learning is
out of awareness, unconsciously absorbed in the process of living
within a particular group. Trying to communicate in a group with
those who have learnt different languages is one of the best ways to
recognise the idiosyncrasies of one’s own way of communicating.
It also challenges once again the idea that group members are
separate, discrete entities that send messages to each other across
the room. There will be moments in the group when emotions appear
to pass mysteriously from person to person, when members find
themselves thinking the same thoughts, or when the whole group is
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

caught up in a powerful shared emotion. At these times, the

boundaries between self and other appear blurred and confusing.
The boundaries between self and other ARE blurred and confusing,
the closer we look at the interrelationship between group and
individual.
We have the capacity as human beings to communicate with each
other in far more powerful ways than language. If one person yawns,
then another person will yawn also in an automatic mirroring
response. Something has been shared which does not rely upon
language or cognition but is wired into us from birth. We have the
capacity to make sense of the behaviour of others without conscious

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 8 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GROUP

theorising, and this innate ability enables us to understand and

predict aspects of our environment.
Healthy newborn babies of any race, colour, or religion have in
common an astonishing ability to relate which demonstrates our
fundamental intersubjectivity. As young as 18 hours old, newborns
can reproduce facial gestures displayed by an adult they are facing.2
They can translate a visual stimulus—an adult sticking their tongue
out, into an equivalent physical activity. This means they have
somehow solved the problem of translating what they see from the
perspective of viewer into their own perspective as actor- without
going through any process of consciously identifying an “other” or
a “self” or even a “tongue”. The newborn has no visual awareness
of its own tongue, for example, so how does he or she accurately
copy this movement?
The answer seems to lie in a neurological map or activity that is
common to all humans. We are born with a capacity to intuitively
and automatically recognise the analogy between self and other,
which forms the basis for establishing all our subsequent relation-
ships. This is the basis of empathy. Other social factors will determine
its development and sophistication, but these are built upon this
fundamental intersubjective mode of relating to the world.
Watching someone prick her or his finger with a needle creates
the same pattern of neural activity as pricking one’s own finger.
The same neurons are activated in the brain of the “doer” as in the
“viewer”. A series of mirroring mechanisms, operating uncon-
sciously and automatically, constantly simulates actions, emotions,
and sensations. Our brains are continuously modelling the behaviour
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

of others in the same way that they model our own behaviour.3 Each
individual is engaged in a continuous, ongoing and unconscious
shared activity with the other. Even the idea of the individual as a
fragment of a group now seems too boundaried and discrete. The
more closely we look at the boundaries between each other, the more
we become aware of the connective tissue that holds us all in place.
Above the surface we communicate by language in all its various
forms—conversation, lectures, songs, messages in bottles, letters,
phone calls, emails, whereas under the surface we are in a shared
pool of mutual mirroring, emotion and sensation. Communication
takes place through this communal matrix of experience. Here

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 WHY “PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT”? 9

we are able to share by being in the same ocean, rather than sending
messages.
In the face of these unfamiliar ways of thinking about what it is
to be a person, it may be tempting to slide back into the usual simpli-
fications that draw clear lines between what I feel and what you feel,
who I am and who you are. One of the challenging features of the
group, however, is its capacity to undermine these accepted wis-
doms. We are who we are in relationship and can only grow and
develop in the context of others.

But my training is in individual therapy. How does that fit

in?
The reluctant group member might respond that they could develop
better in the context of one other person rather than a group. After
all, most of the PD group members are themselves training to work
in one-to-one settings rather than in groups, so the argument that
suggests that development requires a group context may sound
unconvincing. However, a closer look at the process of individual
counselling or psychotherapy may reveal the connection.
The majority of students for whom this book is written will be
engaged in types of therapy that seek to improve the quality of
peoples’ lives in a demonstrable way. That is to say, at some point
any gains that have been acquired in the counselling room will be
expected to manifest themselves in the client’s day-to-day existence.
Any sustainable growth has to be lived out within the network of
relationships that form the client’s context. There are always a
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

proportion of clients who are unable to achieve this transition and

any seeds sown in one-to-one therapy, however positive, fail to
germinate.
Many clients are themselves acutely aware that change is systemic,
and if they change one part then others will follow. There is a
common anxiety that changing behaviour or attitudes may lead to
losing relationships or losing one’s place in the group.
Sustainable change in one fragment of a group depends upon
change in other fragments. If this does not happen, the individual
reverts to the familiar styles of relating, or leaves the group in search
of another that fits better with their new shape.

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 10 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GROUP

Growth and development on the part of the student has the same
challenges. Trainees sometimes insist that they are doing the work
of growth and development behind the scenes in individual therapy,
and so do not need to participate in the PD group.
Individual therapy can be valuable in addressing the fears of
participating in the group and can work creatively alongside the PD
group experience to promote change and understanding. Unfor-
tunately, sometimes it is used to keep the group at a safe distance,
especially when the individual therapist has unaddressed fears of
their own around groups. Then “group” and “individual” work are
polarised into good and bad or set in competition with each other.
This is a lost opportunity, for the reality is that they can work very
effectively together.
The other reality is that any genuine and sustainable growth has
to survive beyond the confines of a counselling room and become
visible in the world. To achieve this, the trainee, like any future client,
will have to renegotiate their place within their own network of
significant relationships. Growth will demonstrate its presence in all
sorts of visible ways, and the training course along with the PD group
will feel the impact. The student who says “I’m doing this develop-
ment work outside of the PD group” and shows no sign of growth
inside the group will not convince anyone.

PD group or therapy group?

Does “personal development” differ from “personal therapy”? Is it
possible to draw a clear line between them? Is the development group
only for superficial matters whereas a therapy group would deal with
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

really important material? Can a PD group go “too deep” and stray

into the territory of therapy? Or is there really very little difference
between the two? These are important and reasonable questions for
any student embarking on a training course with a PD group.
There are a range of ways in which the PD group differs from a
therapy group, and some aspects that it may share. The differences
begin right from the start, before the group even meets.
Members of a therapy group come together for help. They have
acknowledged that at this stage in their lives, they need something
or someone to give them a hand. This is why they are in the group,
searching for whatever it is that will improve the quality of their lives.

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 WHY “PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT”? 11

Therapy groups do not usually spend weeks and weeks filling up

the time with the question “what are we supposed to be doing here?”
in the way that PD groups can. There is a mutual recognition that
everyone there has some common purpose in “getting better”,
whatever that may mean.
The members of a PD group are not overtly there for these
reasons. Sometimes there is a sort of inverse assumption—rather than
“we are all here because we need help”, there is “we are all here
because we want to help”. Members of a therapy group have
acknowledged to each other that they are vulnerable, just by their
presence in the group. In the PD group members may be vulnerable
also, but this is not the rationale for the group’s existence.
The respective labels of “student” and of “patient” or “client” have
particular associations. There is an assumption that the “student” is
more psychologically robust, with more personal resources and will
thereby require less nurture or containment. The course and the
group facilitator do not have the same level of responsibility for the
student’s psychological well being that the health service and a group
psychotherapist would have for a patient/client. Although there are
many examples of students falling into the role of client and seeking
counselling type relationships with tutors or fellow students, this
is not the goal of training. In addition, the label “student” operates
within a context of assessment. Although therapy group members
may well have fears about “not being good enough” they are not
usually writing about their ideas and experiences and having them
marked. Neither are they seeking a qualification in order to develop
a career. The student, however, is caught up in attainment and
assessment at every turn, and this plays a major role in the PD group.
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

There are other differences. In a therapy group, members undergo

some sort of assessment for their suitability, whereas students are
assessed not for a group experience but for a place on a course. They
will rarely have the time or space to explore their attitudes, likely
behaviours, characteristic response, fears and anxieties about the PD
group component. In comparison, the member of a therapy group
has more information and more opportunity to explore their own
attitudes before joining a group than a student does.
Once in the therapy group, members would usually agree to inter-
act only when in the group. In this way every member is a witness
to the interactions of every other member, and the creation of

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 12 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GROUP

alliances within the group can be looked at and talked about. In

contrast, the PD group has members who interact continually. They
see each other in seminars, work groups, practical sessions, as well
as maybe having lunch together and meeting up socially. There will
inevitably be pairings and subgroups, with some group members
having information that others do not. This gives any group the
opportunity to hide away from what is really going on in its midst.
In order to enable the group to develop into a place where challenges
can be issued, contained and processed, members have to actively
work hard not to split apart into smaller groups or pairs.
The idea of “containing” is one that will appear again and again
in most training courses. For therapeutic change to take place, a client
requires some sense of being held, or contained. A set time, a quiet
room, a clear awareness of confidentiality, and a counsellor or
therapist who is not overwhelmed or disabled by whatever infor-
mation or emotion is put into the session—these are examples of
containment. There are different sizes and types of containers that
determine how much and what sort of things can be put in them.
Six sessions of solution focused counselling will not contain the same
material as two years of psychoanalytic psychotherapy.
The PD group starts out as a relatively shallow container. In com-
parison to the therapy group, there is less clarity about the purpose,
the interactions of members are not confined to the group itself,
making confidentiality harder to negotiate and maintain, and there
are long holiday breaks to interrupt the work. Overall, the boundary
around the PD group is less sharply defined, and hence the relatively
shallow profile of the initial container. Members of a therapy group
usually have the advantage of starting out with a container that is
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

more secure, offering the possibility of relating with each other in

meaningful ways, however difficult that may be. These are initial
possibilities, however, and groups can develop in surprising ways.
In the end, both types of group share a fundamental common
ground. Both personal development and therapy in groups rest upon
the mutual and meaningful relationships that the members pain-
stakingly build in the process of the group’s existence. The reality is
that members of both have to take responsibility for their own
behaviour and the impact that they have upon others.
Students gain an enormous amount of self-knowledge in the
supportive and challenging environments of training courses. The

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 WHY “PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT”? 13

outcome might look very hard to distinguish from that of therapy.

As always in this work, there is a paradox. Despite all the differences
between a therapy group and a PD group, there are times when it
is not possible to distinguish one from the other. The fly on the wall
of the PD group room and the therapy group would have no idea
that these were different sort of experiences if both groups were
functioning well. The conversations, the emotional tensions, the
struggle to relate—all would sound very similar.
Given the words “therapy” and “personal development”, this is
perhaps inevitable. “Development” derives from “unfold, unfurl”
whereas “therapy” derives from “healing”. If what is unfolding has
been damaged in some way, then it may need healing in order to
unfurl. Conversely, if something has been damaged, it may need to
unfold before it can be healed.

Notes
1 Foulkes, S.H. and Anthony, E.J. (1984). Group Psychotherapy: The
Psychoanalytic Approach. London: Maresfield Library, 1984 (reprint).
2 Meltzoff, A.N. and Moore, M.K. (1977). “Imitation of facial and manual
gestures by human neonates”. Science, 198: 75–8.
3 Gallese, V. “The manifold nature of interpersonal relations: the quest for
a common mechanism”. In: C. Frith & D. Wolpert (Eds.). The Neuroscience
of Social Interaction. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2003.
Copyright © 2008. Taylor & Francis Group. All rights reserved.

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