black butterflies

by aeterisks

Category: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS

Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Kim Taehyung | V, Explicit
Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Drug Abuse, M/M,
Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:55:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 70,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeterisks/pseuds/aeterisks
Summary: Things, Jeongguk thinks, would be infinitely easier if he wasn’t so sickly
in love with someone who doesn’t love him back. Things would be infinitely easier
if he wasn’t in love with Kim Taehyung.

black butterflies

**Author's Note:**

* For [aetoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aetoms/gifts).

> **Side relationships:** Kim Namjoon/Min Yoongi, a F/F ship between two OCs.
>
> I would like to clarify, in regards to the implied/referenced drug abuse tag,
that it's very minor, but I still think it's worth adding in case anyone could be
potentially triggered. It's not for any main characters, either.
>
> I also made a
[playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2VnybldEelbaUKgQ4xk12w?
si=kuQ4xcffRtWklrSCmKBrsw) for the fic this time around, so please check it out!
Here is [moodboard](https://twitter.com/aeterisks/status/1140301874349916162) in
case you want some—poor—visuals. As always, please enjoy and let me know what you
think in the comments. <3
>
> [Russian](https://ficbook.net/readfic/8352047)

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment where it all started. There isn’t such a
thing as the moment where he knew, or the time when things unavoidably shifted in
Jeongguk’s life. He doesn’t recall the exact instant in which he realized that, by
the end of it, he wouldn’t be the same—that he already wasn’t the same as he was
when it all started, months ago. Trying to find the exact event that unchained
everything that came after would be like looking for a needle in a haystack,
attempting to find the first significant moment in a sea of significant moments.

Jeongguk doesn’t remember the exact day when he realized, in all honesty. But what
he does remember, is the first time that they locked eyes.

“Hey, Jeongguk—wake up,” Eunwoo calls him, waving her hand right in front of his
face. Jeongguk snaps out of his self-induced daze then, taking in the pale skin of
her wrist and the chipped black polish on her fingernails. “You okay there?”

“I’m good, yeah,” Jeongguk replies, standing up a little straighter. He tends to

slouch when he zones out like this, his shoulders coming forward. It’s a habit that
his mother, rather fruitlessly, has always tried to shake out of him. “Sorry, I
spaced out.”

“I can see that,” she replies, her plush, red-tinted lips stretching into a teasing
smile. She rests her elbow on the pool stick she’s holding up straight between her
hip and the end of the table, nodding her chin in Jeongguk’s direction. “It’s your
turn. Go on.”

Jeongguk looks down at the pool table, checking to see what he’s working with.
Truth be told, he zoned out as soon as his turn was over. The fact that Eunwoo had
to bring him back to reality means that he has no idea how the game has panned out
thus far. He’s not shocked to see that, as he already expected, he and Eunwoo are
losing.

Pool is just not Jeongguk’s forte.

Neither are Friday nights in bars at that. He had lectures earlier this morning,
and the lack of sleep after going to bed well past midnight is starting to catch up
with him. That, added to his own introversion and the fact that he isn’t too
comfortable in crowded spaces, and you have this—a very quiet and distracted
Jeongguk. Distracted by the thoughts of being anywhere but here.

“Okay, okay,” Jeongguk replies, taking a step closer.

He looks at the table again and tries to calculate what would be a decent move in
his head. Once he’s got it he leans over the table, placing his hands and getting
ready to hit the white ball. It’s while he’s on it that, behind himself and where
Yoongi and Hoseok are standing drinking, he hears, “Fuck.”

Jeongguk looks over his shoulders, eyes landing on Yoongi. From the corner of his
eye, he can see Eunwoo do the same, her attention diverted to their friend as well.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks then, finally voicing what the three of them were
thinking.

Yoongi isn’t looking at him, nor is he at Hoseok or Eunwoo. His eyes are lost
somewhere in the distance before lowering, looking at his shoes as if they were the
most interesting sight in the bar.

“Over there,” Yoongi replies, leaning back against the wall as his gaze fleets from
Jeongguk to Eunwoo. “Namjoon is here.”

Jeongguk arches an eyebrow, standing back straight—this is far more interesting

than a stupid game of pool.
There’s not much that Jeongguk has heard about Namjoon. He obviously knows about
him enough to know who he is, where Yoongi and he stand, and that they are
absolutely _not_ dating. Yoongi is reserved, though—the things he’s told them about
Namjoon, he’s done so because they have pulled at his tongue. Jeongguk isn’t too
sure of whether Yoongi likes Namjoon as more than what they are now, as more than
friends with benefits, but he’s inclined to believe that… yes, he does. And if the
way Yoongi nervously shifts from one foot to the other now is anything to go by,
he’d have to reaffirm himself in that belief.

“Really?” Eunwoo asks then, her voice higher in pitch. She spins around on her
feet, impressively keeping her balance even in her chunky boots as she asks,
“Where?”

Jeongguk has seen Namjoon, of course—they all have. It’s not hard to spot him among
the crowd in the bar, standing a bit taller than most of the people surrounding
them. His hair is a light brown, framing his face as some black specs rest on the
bridge of his nose. As curious as he is, Jeongguk forces himself to look away
before Namjoon can notice him staring.

“You should go say hi,” Hoseok suggests then, elbowing Yoongi a little. “Just to be
polite and all that.”

Jeongguk can see Yoongi’s hesitance even before he replies, just judging by the way
in which he steals another glance at Namjoon from a distance. “I don’t know,” he
replies, shrugging his shoulders a little. “He’s with friends. I don’t wanna
interrupt.”

“You’d rather stare from a distance and pretend not to have seen him until he comes
and says hi himself,” Jeongguk says then, earning himself a burst of huffed-out
laughter from Hoseok. “Come on, hyung. I’m sure he doesn’t bite—unless you want him
to.”

“Shut up, oh my God,” Yoongi groans, throwing his head back. It makes Jeongguk
laugh, almost endeared. Yoongi is reserved, yeah, but his shyness doesn’t usually
present itself as blatantly as it is right now. If you ask Jeongguk, it’s… cute
that Namjoon has that kind of effect on Yoongi. “Just—stop staring.”

Jeongguk and Hoseok look at each other, Jeongguk shrugging his shoulders. He turns
around and, finally, plays his turn. The move ends up turning out better than
Jeongguk had initially anticipated, Eunwoo high fiving and congratulating him for
it. Right after his comes Yoongi’s turn, and so his friend takes a sip of his drink
before approaching the pool table.

It’s during Yoongi’s turn that Jeongguk notices someone approach. As soon as he
sees Namjoon’s tall figure come their way, he debates whether he should give Yoongi
a warning or not. In the end, he decides not to—Namjoon is far too close for him to
go unheard now, and it would probably look incriminatory for him to give Yoongi a
heads up.

Plus, it’s funnier this way.

Namjoon greets, “Hey, Yoongi.” Right upon hearing that, Yoongi immediately bolts
up, standing straight and missing his hit. He ends up hitting one of Jeongguk and
Eunwoo’s balls, which causes them to quietly look at each other and share a devious
smile.

“Oh—hey there, Namjoon,” Yoongi replies, feigning nonchalance. He’s good, though,
Jeongguk will give him that. “It’s good to see you here.”
“Fancy seeing you here, too,” Namjoon replies, giving Yoongi a smile. Dimples—
Jeongguk has heard all about those. Yoongi doesn’t tend to elaborate about Namjoon
and him, about _them_ , but he’s gone on tangents about his dimples before. “Night
out with friends?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi replies, turning a little so he can look at them. Then, gesturing,
he introduces them. “This is Eunwoo, Jeongguk and Hoseok. You here alone?”

“No, no,” Namjoon replies as he shakes his head, accompanied by a chuckle. “I’m
with friends. They’re ordering drinks at the bar.”

“That’s good, then,” Yoongi replies, taking a step back and away from the table. He
looks over at Hoseok and says, “You can keep playing without me, yeah?”

Upon hearing that, the corner of Hoseok’s mouth tilts up in a small smile. “Sure
thing, yeah,” he says, taking a step forward. “Brave of you to say that after
fucking this team up with that last move, though.”

They keep playing but Jeongguk can hear Namjoon and Yoongi talk behind them.
Listening to them just confirms something that Jeongguk already suspected—Namjoon
is incredibly charming. Nothing else could explain the way he got Yoongi somehow
hung up over him.

Jeongguk briefly wonders if Namjoon friends will miss him, but he doesn’t pay much
attention to the thought. That is until he hears a voice he doesn’t recognize
behind him.

“Here’s your beer, Namjoon,” a deep voice calls.

The voice catches Jeongguk’s attention, both because of its notorious deepness and
because it’s not something that Jeongguk knows. Naturally, upon hearing it,
Jeongguk has to turn around. And that’s when he sees _him_.

Jeongguk has never been one to believe in angels, just like he has never been one
to believe in love at first sight. But right now, he feels as if his skepticism in
both matters is being challenged.

The boy in front of him, for the lack of a better way to describe him, is utterly
gorgeous. His hair is wavy and a light, silvery color, framing his face rather
angelically. The first thing about his face that Jeongguk notices are his eyes, as
cliché as it sounds—they’re big and a deep brown color, one that makes Jeongguk
feel warm all over all of sudden. There’s a beauty mark on his cheek that somehow
just contributes in making him even more stunning. The last part that Jeongguk
takes in are his lips, but not by far are they the least important. He stares for a
second too long to his plush, pink mouth, only bringing his eyes back to the
stranger’s when he notices he’s probably being creepy.

There is nothing delicate about that face. No doll features, no tiny lips or a
small, button nose. This guy's features are bold and sharp, he has a big nose and a
wide mouth, big eyes and strong eyebrows. But not for that does he look any less
gorgeous.

He is so out of breath that it takes him a moment to realize that he’s staring
still. His brain is scattered now, and his thoughts all over the place. Another
thing that Jeongguk didn’t believe in—a beauty striking enough to leave anyone
speechless. Clearly, he is being proven wrong tonight.

Jeongguk doesn’t mean to be tacky, but he swears that the moment that their eyes
catch each other, he feels as if an arrow has been shot through his heart. Not only
is the boy incredibly gorgeous, more so than Jeongguk’s words could ever explain.
There is something about the way in which he looks at Jeongguk then, the corners of
his mouth lifting up into a small grin as he tilts his head to the right.

He says, “Hey.”

And that’s all it takes, really.

“Hey there,” Jeongguk replies, lifting his hand from where it was hanging awkwardly
to the side of his body so he can give a little wave. It’s probably not cool to do
that, though, so he quickly retreats. He doesn’t know what else to say, so he just
greets him again, adding, “Hi—yeah.”

The boy smiles wider. From the corner of his eye, Jeongguk can see that Namjoon and
Yoongi have turned to look at them, as Eunwoo and Hoseok have probably done as
well. He feels watched, but he’s too focused on the person in front of him to pay
much attention to the feeling.

“Hi, again,” he says. “I don’t think I know you, do I? Are you Yoongi’s friend?”

Maybe if he hadn’t been so affected by the mere presence of this guy, Jeongguk
could have noticed the fact that him being familiar with Yoongi is a good sign. It
means that Namjoon is likely to talk about Yoongi as much as Yoongi talks about
Namjoon, which would be fortunate for him. Jeongguk, however, can’t bring his mind
to that thought right now. How could he be thinking of Namjoon, Yoongi, or anything
at all when he’s standing right in front of someone who looks like _that_?

“I’m his friend, yeah,” Jeongguk says, composing himself as much as he can. He was
taken off guard by the fact that he’s just ran into a guy who looks like a model,
but he’s going to try his best not to make a total fool of himself. Staring isn’t
cute, and he’s already done that. Now, it’s in his hands to try to be eloquent and
_not_ stutter. “You’re Namjoon’s friend?”

“I’m Taehyung,” the guy replies, nodding a little. “Namjoon and I are friends,
yeah. And you are…?”

“Jeongguk,” he replies. “Good to meet you, Taehyung.”

The name rolls off his tongue easily, almost as if he was always meant to utter it.
He holds back from repeating it again, tasting it on his own lips. Taehyung. He
likes it.

“Likewise, Jeongguk,” Taehyung replies then.

After that, Jeongguk isn’t too sure of what to say next or how to keep the
conversation going in a natural, not forced way. That’s why he’s glad that it’s in
that moment that Namjoon decides to intervene, reaching out for the beer that
Taehyung has brought him as he says, “Thanks for the beer, Taehyung.” That diverts
Taehyung’s attention from Jeongguk, who lets out a brief sigh in relief. He can’t
explain why because he doesn’t understand it himself, but he’s feeling tense. “I
can see you’ve met Jeongguk already.”

“Yeah, I have,” Taehyung replies, smiling sweetly again as he takes another

fleeting glance at Jeongguk. “Very nice guy.”

Namjoon doesn’t reply to that, but he does give Taehyung a funny look that Jeongguk
can’t make sense of. Had it been another moment and maybe Jeongguk would have
assumed there was something wrong with him for Namjoon to look at Taehyung like
that, but his brain is too scattered to jump to conclusions.
“That’s Eunwoo and that’s Hoseok,” Namjoon carries on. Taehyung waves at both of
them, nodding his head slightly. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re still back there,” Taehyung replies, vaguely gesturing behind himself.
Jeongguk doesn’t really know who Namjoon is friends with or what they might look
like, so he wouldn’t be able to find them even if he tried. “Are you coming back
with me or staying here?”

Namjoon’s eyes travel back to Yoongi for a moment, almost as if he were waiting for
Yoongi to answer the question for him. He doesn’t, though—instead, he just presses
his lips together into a tight, small pout, and expectantly raises his eyebrows.

“I think I’m staying,” Namjoon replies, eyes not diverting from Yoongi. From where
he’s standing, Jeongguk can see the corners of Yoongi’s lips twitch, even if he
does manage to hold back a grin. “Maybe—would you guys mind if my friends came
over? I promise they’re decent company.”

“That’s fine with us,” Hoseok intervenes. “The more the merrier, right?”

“Cool. I’ll go get them, then,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk doesn’t know if it’s
intentional or deliberate, but Taehyung looks at him as he says, “I’ll be right
back.”

Taehyung disappears as quickly as he arrived, snaking away between the bodies of

the other bar-goers. Jeongguk doesn’t allow himself to watch after him, but the
truth is that his mind doesn’t leave the boy for the few minutes that he’s gone.
It’s enough for Hoseok, Woo and him to finish their pool game, now more jokingly
than anything else. Still, Jeongguk’s thoughts are… somewhere else. They’re on
collarbones peaking through unbuttoned red, satin shirts—on silvery strands of hair
falling over tanned skin.

If any of his friends noticed his infatuation or the way in which he stared at
their new acquaintance, none of them mention it. Perhaps they’re waiting to be
alone for the teasing to commence, something that Jeongguk would appreciate. His
face, and especially his ears tend to get really red when being teased. He doesn’t
need any of that right now.

Eventually, Taehyung comes back, and this time he does so accompanied by some other
people. The first person that Jeongguk sees, apart from Taehyung himself, is a guy—
he’s walking side by side with Taehyung, one arm snaking around Taehyung’s middle
as Taehyung wraps his own around the guy’s shoulders. He’s a bit shorter than
Taehyung and his hair is a bright orange color, parted so his forehead is on
display.

They’re not alone, though. Behind the pair walk two more people. The first one is a
guy, a bit taller than himself. Next to him comes a girl, with long black hair.
They look funny next to each other, Jeongguk thinks. This guy is tall and has broad
shoulders, meanwhile, the girl can’t be taller than five foot. The sight is
comedic, to say the least.

It’s Taehyung who gives himself the task of making introductions. Namjoon and
Yoongi are still away in their own little bubble, but just like Jeongguk suspected,
everyone in the impromptu circle they’ve positioned themselves in knows them both.
That’s how Jeongguk discovers that the guy with bright orange hair is Jimin and
that the tall guy with broad shoulders is Seokjin. Last but not least is the girl,
or as Jeongguk learns, Sunny.

Jeongguk is a little shy, as he always is. The fact that he’s in front of the most
beautiful boys he’s ever seen doesn’t help make him any less shy, either. Luckily
for him, mostly everyone in their recently formed group for the night seems to be
better than him at socializing. He already knew that Hoseok was a master at dealing
with situations like this one—always knows how to set the mood and make everyone
comfortable.

They talk a little about themselves, enough for Jeongguk to find out that Taehyung,
at the age of twenty-two, is two years older than him and studying Social Welfare.
He gets bright eyed as he tells the group, something that Jeongguk thinks probably
everyone misses except for him. But, God—Jeongguk? He notices. He hopes he doesn’t
seem weird to any of the people around him, because the truth is that as hard as he
tries to look away, his eyes somehow always find their way to Taehyung.

“I just want to help people who need it,” Taehyung says then, not looking at anyone
in particular. For some reason, that pulls at Jeongguk’s heartstrings.

The bar is noisy both with the chatter of people and the music playing in the
background, and the dimmed lights make it hard for Jeongguk to _really_ see even
the people standing right next to him. It smells too much like alcohol and sweat,
and it’s hot and hard to breathe as it always is when there are too many people
locked in a constricted space for too long. It’s not romantic—more so, the
opposite. Namjoon and Yoongi don’t seem to mind, Jeongguk realizes as he notices
how they’ve shifted closer and now Namjoon plays with Yoongi’s fingers in his own.

All through the night, Jeongguk feels eyes on him, but he’s always too slow when he
tries to look at the source. Except for one time.

Taehyung’s eyes are already on him when Jeongguk looks, big and brown. They’re
insistent and don’t go away, trying to disguise the fact that he’s been caught
staring. Jeongguk is not quite sure what to make out of it, but what he knows for a
fact is that his heart goes crazy right there and then.

If Jeongguk had to pinpoint the moment where everything began, he’d probably pick
this, with the way Taehyung’s eyes slowly start to slide down his body. Jeongguk
feels his cheeks blush furiously then, aware that he’s being blatantly checked out.
Taehyung looks him up and down before, with the same parsimony as before, making
his way back up. And then, once his gaze is locked with Jeongguk’s again, he smiles
—lazy and toothy.

And that’s how Jeongguk knows. That’s how Jeongguk knows that he’s already in too
deep.

Jeongguk has always been one to have a curious mind. He is a little shier with his
words and when it comes to expressing his thoughts and ideas out loud, sharing them
with the rest of the world. Sometimes he feels as if they’re something intimate,
something that he should just keep to himself; sometimes he feels like they’re not
worth sharing—they’re nothing sort of revolutionary, nor are they anything that
anyone would make a fuss over. Others, they’re just little thoughts that he skirts
around but make him a little timid to confess to others.

But that doesn’t mean that his mind isn’t always working, one hundred miles per
minute. And over the past few days, he feels as if that speed has doubled.
There’s this thing occupying his thoughts, wandering around every little nook of
his mind. Distracting him during lectures, making him eat his breakfast twice as
slow as he usually does. It’s been two weeks since he’s met Taehyung, and during
those days, his mind has been dwelling on a thought.

“Eunwoo, do you believe in love at first sight?”

They’re lying in Eunwoo’s college dorm, with her lying on her back on the bed and
Jeongguk sitting cross-legged on the floor. They weren’t doing anything per se,
just hanging out—Jeongguk has been playing games on his phone, meanwhile, Eunwoo
has been texting someone. They’ve been mostly silent for the whole time they’ve
been there, after they got back from eating outside together, but it’s not
uncomfortable. Jeongguk has discovered that silences in between friends can
sometimes be more comforting than lively conversation, so he has just been letting
himself enjoy Eunwoo’s quiet company.

It takes her a minute to react, eyes still fixed on her phone screen for a fraction
of a second. But then she’s turning around a little, just so she can get a better
look at Jeongguk.

“Love at first sight?” she asks, raising her eyebrows a little. Jeongguk nods,
affirmative. Just judging by the small grimace that she makes, it’s easy for
Jeongguk to know what her answer will be before she verbally gives him one. “I
mean… not really. Not a thought I’ve ever entertained, but I don’t think so?
Infatuation, yes. But love…”

Jeongguk nods. Her answer is pretty much what Jeongguk has always believed, too.
It’s hard not to be skeptical about a topic like love at first sight, after all.
Love is supposed to be a deeper connection, something that should only be developed
after creating a bond with the person beforehand. Of course, attraction is possible
immediately after meeting someone new for some people. Crushes on others right
after getting to know them for the first time aren’t unusual or out of the
ordinary, either. Love, though… Jeongguk has always doubted the movies and books
where something akin to love at first sight was depicted.

He’s not _in love_ —he knows that. But infatuation… He thinks that’s actually the
best way to describe it. He’s infatuated.

“That makes sense, yeah,” Jeongguk replies. He bites down on his bottom lip, trying
to think of a way to word the other question he has. “How about meeting someone and
knowing you’re likely to fall in love with them?”

This time around, Eunwoo takes longer to reply. She narrows her eyes, seemingly in
thought. When she does finally speak, she says, “I guess that depends on the
person. If it’s someone who’s exactly your type, then it’s possible. Also in how
easy you fall in love. It’s never happened to me, though, so I’m not really sure.”
She stays quiet for a moment, sitting up on the bed. Her hair is a little messy,
especially at the back because of her lying down. “Why? Have you… have you met
someone you like?”

“I’ve met no one, no,” Jeongguk tells. He’s not entirely sure about whether he is
lying or not. Does he like Taehyung? Like sounds like a little too much for someone
he’s talked to for a couple of hours, but then again, his first question mentioned
love. Eunwoo’s last answer has left him a little more confused than the previous
one, though—is he one to fall in love easily? Is Taehyung his type? Those are
questions he has never thought about before. Which is why he would rather say no
until he makes his mind up himself. “I was just curious.”

“Love is a weird thing, anyway,” she replies, lying back on the bed. Her black,
bob-length hair spreads around her head like a dark halo. “And it’s never the same
for two people.”

Jeongguk nods, taking in that last answer. That’s very true, after all. He might
ask Eunwoo what love is for her, exactly, but it’s not going to be the same as what
love for him will mean. He’s never fell in love, even if he has been with people.
But he’s also never felt the same curiosity and somewhat fascination as he feels
for Taehyung, even despite how little they talked and how they haven’t seen each
other for a while.

Taehyung, Taehyung. Jeongguk wonders if he’ll see him again. If he does—who knows.
Maybe Jeongguk will learn what love means for him sooner than he was expecting.

The next time that Jeongguk sees Taehyung again, Taehyung doesn’t see him.

He’s walking one morning, trying to get to the coffee shop that he knows makes the
best latte on the entire campus. It’s not a short walk, to be fair. Quite the
opposite—Jeongguk has to cross the entire campus to get from his building to the
café, but it’s worth it. He’s falling asleep, but he refuses to have the mediocre
coffee that the machines in there offer. And, since he’s going to have to walk
somewhere, he might as well walk to the absolute _best_ place, right? Plus, he has
a free period. It’s not like he has anything better to do other than walking there.

At least, that’s how he tries to excuse the fact that he’s going all the way there
just for some coffee.

It’s not too early anymore, but it’s still cold enough for him to walk with his
head down, trying to hide his lips and nose in the high collar of his jacket.
Jeongguk doesn’t tend to get too cold since his body has always been a furnace of
its own. His nose, however—that’s a different story. It seems as if, magically, his
nose is a completely independent entity. His body has its own amazing ability to
always stay warm, even with the freezing cold temperatures that winter brings them
in Seoul. His nose, though… it’s always cold in between the months of November and
March if Jeongguk forgets to bring a scarf. And if there is something that Jeongguk
hates even more than a cold nose, it’s a bulky scarf around his neck.

Because of a twist of faith, he lifts his head and raises his eyes from the
pavement right in front to see him. He looks very different from what he looked
like in the bar, wearing a long, wool coat and a big scarf around his neck. It’s
still easy for Jeongguk to recognize him, though—that’s Taehyung. He could spot
that waxy, silvery head of hair anywhere.

The second thing that Jeongguk takes in, right after processing that it’s Taehyung
in front of him, is that he’s not alone. Next to him is a guy much shorter than him
or Taehyung, and also very skinny. His hair is dark and straight, kind of long.
Jeongguk can’t see much of his face from the distance he’s at, but he sees them
both walk close. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip.

Conversation didn’t take a turn towards love life the other day, and so Jeongguk
hadn’t considered that maybe Taehyung… well, that maybe he wasn’t as available as
Jeongguk wished he were. He thought that the looks that Taehyung gave him the other
day were more than casual. He thought there was some intent to them. But that could
have been in his imagination.
He knows it could be a friend, of course. It’s just that it’s in Jeongguk’s nature
to consider everything, and then dwell on the thought that will torture him most.
Jeongguk tries to raid his mind for memories of him walking side by side next to
his friends—is that a distance that people would consider friendly? Is it not? Is
there even any difference? Does it even matter?

His eyes trail after Jeongguk and the unknown guy until they disappear behind a
corner, the rumble of Taehyung’s laughter echoing in the distance even after
they’re out of sight. Again, Jeongguk’s teeth go to his bottom lip and lightly
catch it between them.

He doesn’t know what to make out of this. The one thing that he knows for sure is
that he’s not meant _to care_.

Realistically, Jeongguk knows that Taehyung and he don’t have much of a reason to
run into each other at all. Taehyung, as a Social Welfare student, isn’t very close
to Jeongguk, who does Film, Television and Multimedia. The one time that Jeongguk
saw him on campus was probably due to the fact that Jeongguk was taking a long walk
to get his coffee.

They don’t have many friends in common, apart from Namjoon and Yoongi, and it’s not
like they’re _friends_ , friends. Their situation is still as unofficial and
impossibly hard to describe as always, and Jeongguk doubts they meet up for much
more than sex. Needless to say, nor Yoongi’s or Namjoon’s friends are invited to
those meetings.

It’s a gloomy day, and Jeongguk is on his third coffee of the morning. He’s stayed
up for most of the night, trying to edit some stupid video for some deadline he had
today. His head and eyes feel heavy, and he doesn’t think he’s going to manage to
be productive on the next of the classes he has today. He knows he shouldn’t do
these things—procrastinate, but Jeongguk has always been extremely productive when
he’s under pressure, not only in quantity of work he gets done but also in quality.

Plus, it’s college. If he doesn’t make questionable decisions that he will later
regret, or mess up his sleeping schedule now, when will he?

Luckily for him, he has Hoseok to make sure he stays awake. They’re sitting
outside, on what is without a doubt the ugliest part of campus: the Biological
Sciences building. The darkness of a cloudy, humid day doesn’t do much to help what
he has in front of him—everything is grey. Dull.

Hoseok keeps chattering away, though. At first, he was telling him about this guy
Junwoo from this class, now about how next weekend he’s planning to go back to
Gwangju for his mother’s birthday. Jeongguk is a little overwhelmed upon being
bombarded with so much information, but deep down he’s grateful. It keeps his mind
going in times like this, where he knows that if he were alone he’d end up putting
his headphones in and getting himself into a self-induced lethargic state.

Jeongguk nods along, not saying much. He knows Hoseok doesn’t expect him to, though
—he knows he’s paying attention to him. Jeongguk is more often than not a listener,
and Hoseok is more often than not a talker. That’s how they work, and they both
like how it goes.
“Either way, I’m still trying to decide whether Mr. Lee would mind much if I
skipped on Friday,” he carries on, taking a bite of his sandwich. “I’d just rather
go on Thursday evening, you know? That way I can spend one more day with my family
since I don’t go back home much. Man—I hate Friday classes.”

“Yeah, I get you,” he replies, taking a bite of his own food. It’s some bland, too-
dry sandwich that he and Hoseok bought inside, just to do something while waiting
for Eunwoo and to calm down their grumbling stomachs. It was then that Jeongguk
bought his coffee, in order to force himself awake—egg salad and cappuccino is not
a winner combination, but the sandwich is dull enough for him to not be able to be
disgusted. Vending machine food perks, he guesses. “I haven’t been back to Busan in
a while. Haven’t called my mom in a bit, either.”

“Jeongguk! That’s not nice,” Hoseok scolds him, giving him a scandalized look. “I
try to call my mom every day. There’s always something to tell her, anyway.”

Jeongguk hears the noise of Eunwoo’s chunky platform boots on the pavement before
she touches his shoulder, so he’s not startled at the sudden weight on his arm when
she appears. “Hey there, you two,” she says, using Jeongguk’s body as leverage for
her to sit down next to them. “I’m sorry I was a little late.”

“We’ve been waiting for ages,” Hoseok accuses. He’s just messing around, especially
considering that it’s not true—they got here not too long ago. Eunwoo is around
five minutes late, but nothing too bad or serious. “Where were you?”

“Got held up in the lab, sorry,” she says, tucking her hair behind her pierced ear.
“Not that you have anything better to do, either way. Waiting for me is probably
the highlight of your day.”

“I mean—can’t deny the truth,” Jeongguk replies, before Hoseok and Eunwoo have the
chance to start bickering. “After I leave this hellhole I’m not leaving my
apartment or bed for the rest of the day, so…”

“He pulled an all-nighter,” Hoseok explains to Eunwoo, whose face suddenly washes
over with realization. “I was going to say he’s just being dramatic, but he’s
probably going to do it.”

“That, I’d believe,” Eunwoo replies, smiling a little. “But sadly for you,
Jeongguk, we have plans tonight.”

Jeongguk frowns then, his nose wrinkling a little as he does so. _They_ have plans?
They, as in including him.

“I didn’t know you were in charge of handling my agenda now,” he replies. It might
seem snarky, but he promises he doesn’t mean anything bad with it. Eunwoo knows,
too. He’s just trying to be funny, and most likely failing.

“I am, and I say you’re busy tonight,” Eunwoo replies. “You know how I’ve been
texting Sunny?”

That is news for Jeongguk, whose eyebrows shoot up upon hearing that. Why does no
one tell him anything? “I didn’t but go on,” he says, now curious as to where this
will go.

“Well, we’ve been talking for a couple of weeks now. We exchanged Instagrams the
night we met, and after that, I replied to her story one day and we started talking
—long story short, we’ve been texting and she’s so cute,” she replies, rambling a
little. Jeongguk holds back the need to raise an eyebrow, amused by her antics.
“So you wanna fuck her,” Hoseok says. He, as opposed to Jeongguk, doesn’t seem to
be… trying to hold back any of his thoughts.

“Hoseok! You’re so crude, oh my God,” she replies. Jeongguk knows that she’s
blushing under her makeup, which makes him smile a little. “It’s not like that—
we’re just talking.”

“Okay, okay,” Hoseok replies, lifting both his arms as his palms face Eunwoo.
“Whatever you say. So you were talking, and what?”

“And we agreed it’d be cool to meet again. With the rest of you, too,” she replies,
giving both Hoseok and Jeongguk a pointed look.

“That’s not fair,” Jeongguk protests. He can’t believe he’s going to have to give
up on bed time just because Eunwoo wants to meet a girl. “Just meet her alone, you
coward.”

His comment makes Hoseok laugh, who slaps his own thigh as he leans forward a
little. Eunwoo, on the other side, doesn’t seem as amused. She puffs one of her
cheeks out, giving Jeongguk a dirty look.

“Too awkward to ask her to hang out on our own already,” she admits. Then she
insists, “Come on—it will be fun. I already asked Yoongi and he said yes, and
Sunny’s friends all agreed to go as well.”

Jeongguk is about to sigh, show a little more opposition to the idea of being
social today. But then Eunwoo mentions Sunny’s friends, and Jeongguk mentally goes
through all of them: Namjoon, Seokjin, Jimin, and Taehyung. If all of them are
going… does that mean Taehyung is, too?

He’s not going to ask. Both Hoseok and Eunwoo know him well, so they’d see right
through him if he asked specifically if Taehyung is going. He bites on his tongue
and hopes that when Eunwoo says _all_ , she really means all of them. Taehyung
included. Hell, especially him.

“At what time, where, and what for?” he asks. He’s basically convinced now, but he
doesn’t want them to know, so he tries to act as if he’s still deciding.

“At Sunny’s, at nine, or so. Just for a little get-together,” she replies. “Some
drinks and food and stuff. I promise it’ll be chill.”

Jeongguk clicks his tongue. That doesn’t seem too bad. It’s all people he’s already
met once, even if he’s not particularly close with them, and an environment that
he’d prefer any time before a club or another bar. The alcohol can help him unwind
a little and the promise of food is very inviting if he’s honest. And, well… seeing
Taehyung. That is the biggest incentive.

“I guess that gives me enough time to take a big nap,” Jeongguk gives in. It makes
Eunwoo let out something that sounds a lot like a squeal as she hugs him, a noise
that he knows she would have never admitted to making. “The things I do for you,
wow.”

“Be nice to me,” Eunwoo tells him as he lets go of him. She then looks at Hoseok,
asking, “So… I can tell Sunny we’re all going, then?”

“I’m in, yeah,” he replies. “It’s Friday, after all.”

Eunwoo nods, immediately fishing inside the pocket of her black puffer jacket to
get her phone. She smiles as she does so, still grinning even when her fingers
start tapping against the screen as she types her message.

Jeongguk sighs a little—low enough so neither of them hear him. He’s going to see
Taehyung again, tonight. He doesn’t know what to expect, but in all honesty, and
aware of how lame it sounds… he can’t wait.

There are many things that Jeongguk is. If you asked Hoseok, the one that would
come to his mind first to describe Jeongguk would be weeb. He wouldn’t be wrong—
Jeongguk is a massive weeb, but it’s an inner joke that appeared in their group of
friends after Jeongguk showed up to class wearing a black sweatshirt, hood up, and
a black facemask. If you asked Eunwoo she would probably be more benevolent and try
to highlight one of his qualities—she would say Jeongguk is sweet. As for Yoongi…
Jeongguk is inclined to believe that Yoongi would say he’s holdable. Or at least,
that his hand is.

Jeongguk wouldn’t use any of those to describe himself, though. He’s one of those
people who finds it incredibly hard to talk about who he is, both is virtues and
flaws. Probably competitive, that is something he’s heard a lot from his mom when
he and his brother got into petty little fights, and something he can agree with.
Hard-working when he needs to be, he’ll admit that much, even if he finds great joy
in procrastinating. Neat, organized. Perfectionist.

But something that Jeongguk would never, ever say about himself is that he is
fashionable. He’s not in the slightest. He’s never taken much of an interest in
fashion, and has always found himself most comfortable in the most basic looking
pieces of clothes—a good, old pair of jeans, or even sweats if he’s feeling
tremendously sluggish.

He’s never been too bothered about fashion or trends, nor about how to make himself
look his best. That last part is what he’s starting to regret now.

A black leather jacket, a plain black t-shirt and black jeans with some more rips
than his mother would like is the only thing he has now. He’s been trying to do
that thing that Eunwoo does to his hair whenever they’ve gone clubbing and she has
insisted on fixing his hair, parting it to the side with her fingers, but he’s not
sure the results are as good as when she does it. He doesn’t want to ask her to do
it for him, though—that’s going to give away that he’s _wanting_ to look good. And
that is not something that Jeongguk wants.

He looks at himself in the mirror one last time before checking his phone. He
agreed to meet with Eunwoo, Hoseok and Yoongi in front of his building in five
minutes, so he knows it’s time to stop checking himself in the mirror and actually
get going. He hates tardiness, so he doesn’t want to be late. Plus, he wants to
actually be there.

Sunny lives relatively close to them, since they’re all near the campus area, so
they don’t need to take any sort of public transportation. During the walk there,
Hoseok teases both Yoongi and Eunwoo equally. Yoongi tries his best to look
unbothered, but Jeongguk knows he’s embarrassed as he walks a little faster, trying
to prevent the rest of them from seeing his face.

It’s a cold night, Jeongguk must admit that. Mist appears in front of them with
each of their exhalations, but Jeongguk isn’t cold. He never is, but tonight is
different. He’s too focused on the fact that he’s going to see Taehyung to care
about the cold.

It doesn’t make sense for him to be so obsessed with the idea of seeing him, he
knows. But for weeks, it’s been Taehyung who has been filling his thoughts. For
weeks, it’s been Taehyung’s hands that Jeongguk has found himself thinking about;
the brightness of his eyes when he talked about his passion for his studies that
came to Jeongguk’s mind as he wondered why he got into this degree when he was
editing at four in the morning.

Taehyung is remarkable. He not only is incredibly beautiful, but he has also

somehow managed to catch Jeongguk’s attention after one single meeting, to occupy
each one of his thoughts. And, if you ask Jeongguk, that’s something special.

Sunny’s street is a lonely, hilly one that on its end meets a busier one. Jeongguk
holds back a groan when they turn around the corner and he sees what’s ahead of
himself, a steep road with no sidewalks. It’s a bit dark, too, and at this hour,
some bags of trash that people have taken out of their homes pile in front of the
gates. The four of them start walking up, the light from the windows around them
shedding more light than the streetlights, with Yoongi’s protests as background
noise.

“I didn’t know we were going out for an evening workout,” he says. Eunwoo just
tells him to stop whining.

It’s not too far up when Eunwoo stops before a building, looking at the number
written on top of the door. “It’s here,” she announces as she looks down at her
phone screen, probably double checking the address Sunny sent her. “I’m going to
ask her to buzz us in.”

It seems almost as if Eunwoo were nervous by the way she announces that little fact
to them. To Jeongguk, it feels a lot like she’s trying to encourage herself to do
that. Jeongguk has known Eunwoo for long enough to acknowledge that she’s a flirt,
and a good one. She’s good with girls, and not only because of her good looks.
She’s charming, sure of herself and knows exactly how to push people’s buttons. But
that doesn’t mean she can’t get nervous too, sometimes.

It’s not an often occurrence, but Jeongguk can see it in the way in which her hand
shakes a little as she presses the buzzer. It’s still there when the four of them
walk into the elevator, as she leans back against the mirror and pushes her lips
out into an involuntary pout. When their eyes meet Jeongguk gives her an
encouraging, tight-lipped smile, and even if she doesn’t react to it, Jeongguk
knows that she got the message.

When the elevator reaches Sunny’s floor the four of them exit it, and Eunwoo once
again takes the lead and gets to the door of her apartment, pressing the doorbell.
Any signs of nervousness have faded now that they’re waiting, and they stay hidden
even when the door opens and Sunny appears behind it.

She looks just like Jeongguk remembered her—bright, pretty and incredibly small.

“Hey!” she greets as she takes into the four of them, but especially Eunwoo.
Judging by the wide smile that appears on her face as she sees her, Jeongguk would
say that Eunwoo’s crush isn’t unrequited. “Come in, come in. We’re all waiting for
you.”

They walk inside and, after taking their shoes off, get ready to follow Sunny into
the apartment. She’s wearing a tight black dress, despite the fact that—as far as
Jeongguk is concerned—they aren’t going anywhere. Like this, Jeongguk can see some
generous curves both on her chest and ass that he didn’t even notice the other day.
He looks away fast, though—it’s not his place to stare at anyone, and he isn’t even
into curves or girls for that matter.

As they walk down the corridor, Jeongguk can hear noise. There’s the gentle rumble
of quiet conversation, followed by laughter that Jeongguk identifies as Jimin’s.
Jeongguk wipes his palms on the fabric of his jeans even if they’re not sweaty, and
readies himself for walking into the living room with everyone else.

Upon walking there, the first person that Jeongguk sees is Seokjin sitting on the
floor, in the middle of the carpet. His eyes later land on Jimin, who is sitting a
few inches to the right and scrolling through his phone. Behind, on a sofa placed
right against the white wall, sits Namjoon. Funnily enough, Taehyung is the first
person that Jeongguk spots, which only makes the anticipation grow as he looks
around the room. He’s to the right of the door, sitting alone on a loveseat. He’s
sitting cross-legged, a bottle of soju held by his hands and resting between his
crossed legs.

He looks zoned out, Jeongguk realizes. Despite that, the moment that Jeongguk and
the rest walk inside the room he looks up, his eyes wandering to them. Right as
Jeongguk was trying to convince himself that Taehyung was watching _them_ arrive,
not just him, their eyes meet. Taehyung’s lips stretch into a lazy smile.

“Hey there,” he says. His greeting gets a little mixed in between everyone else’s,
but Jeongguk can hear it loud and clear over the rest of the voices. Taehyung’s
eyes are on his, and Jeongguk feels like he’s going to burn. “Long time no see.”

Jeongguk swallows down, taking a clumsy step as Hoseok pushes his back lightly so
he can fully step inside the room. Jeongguk makes sure to let out a general
greeting as to not seem impolite, watching Yoongi snake his way to the sofa that
Namjoon is sitting on.

“Jeongguk,” a voice to his right calls. Jeongguk would be lying if he said that his
heart doesn’t speed up when he hears that deliciously deep voice pronouncing his
name, but he tries his best to hide it as he looks at Taehyung. He sees him patting
the empty space next to him with his big, big palm, adding, “Come sit with me.”

He’d be lying if he said the thought doesn’t make him nervous—the loveseat is
small. His eyes widen a little and his throat goes dry, but he nods and starts
walking towards the loveseat. Not only because it’s Taehyung and he’s dying to be
close to him, but also because that’s a far better alternative than sitting on the
floor. Or at least, he tells himself that’s why.

Somehow, Taehyung has found a way to look even more stunning than he did last time
Jeongguk saw him like this, up close. Jeongguk doesn’t mean to be cliché, but fuck,
wouldn’t he love to get lost in those dark brown eyes.

He takes a seat next to Taehyung, sitting with his back straight and his knees
pressed together. He doesn’t want to invade Taehyung’s space, nor make any
unnecessary contact that Taehyung might not want. For a second he stays there,
looking down at his jean-clad knees and trying to convince himself he’s calm. He’s
not, he knows that, but maybe if he repeats it enough in his brain he’ll actually
manage to get his heartbeat under control. When he realizes he probably looks weird
he looks to the right, only to find Taehyung looking at him.

Jeongguk holds his gaze for a minute. It’s hard because Taehyung is looking at him
with an intensity that feels almost heavy on Jeongguk’s shoulders. He’s out of
words because, in all honesty, he’s lost. Taehyung is looking at him like he knows,
and Jeongguk has never felt as lost ever in his life.

“Hi,” Taehyung greets in the end. Jeongguk is about to croak a greeting back, but
then Taehyung adds, “You look lovely tonight.”

Perhaps Jeongguk spent a little more time than he usually would in front of the
mirror, trying to find a way to make himself look somehow… presentable. Dressed up.
Perhaps his hair doesn’t look as good as when he has someone else part it for him,
especially Eunwoo or his own mom (and yes, it’s sad he’s not as good as doing his
own hair as he should be at the age of twenty). Perhaps Jeongguk doesn’t look like
an angel fallen straight from heaven, like the boy in whose eyes he’s looking into
does.

But Taehyung thinks he looks lovely tonight. And to Jeongguk, that’s more important
than a perfect hair parting. ´

“Thank you,” Jeongguk replies, unable to contain a big and toothy grin. “You look
lovely tonight, too—well, you always do.”

“Oh, shush—you wouldn’t know that,” replies Taehyung, laughing a little as he says
that. “You’ve seen me twice, and on weekends at that. Maybe weekday me is an ogre.”

“I highly doubt that,” Jeongguk replies. He doesn’t think Taehyung would ever look
remotely like an ogre, or like anything other than beautiful. He’s strikingly
beautiful, in a way that has had Jeongguk’s mind going back to him time after time
during the last few weeks. Anyone who tried to deny how gorgeous he is would just
be blind, no discussion about it. “Plus, I saw you around campus the other day. Not
an ogre.”

“Oh?” Taehyung says, tilting his head to the right. He sounds surprised as he asks
further, “Where and when?”

“I don’t remember the exact day—it was earlier this week,” he says, shrugging his
shoulders a little. He’s hoping that the gestures give him a certain air of
nonchalance, but he doesn’t believe it’s going to work out. “I was going for
coffee, and I saw you walking around with a guy. Shorter than you, black hair.”

Taehyung looks confused for a moment, a frown appearing as he tries to remember the
occurrence that Jeongguk has just told him about. For a moment there, Jeongguk is
genuinely scared that he mistook Taehyung for someone else and has just made a fool
of himself, but then Taehyung says, “I think I know who you mean. Tuesday, maybe?”

“Maybe,” Jeongguk says, not too preoccupied about the exact date. “But that’s
irrelevant. My point still stands—you’re always pretty.”

Taehyung clicks his tongue. “Aren’t you flattering, Jeonggukie?” he asks. The pet
name takes Jeongguk by surprise, leaving him speechless for a couple of seconds.
Upon the absence of a reply, Taehyung adds, “Can I get you something to drink
then?”

“I’ll drink whatever it is you’re having,” Jeongguk replies. The only reason why he
says that is because he isn’t quite sure of what they have here, so he doesn’t
really know what to ask for. Since Taehyung is drinking soju, Jeongguk assumes that
they probably have more of it.

“Let me go get it for you then,” Taehyung replies, starting to move from the couch.

Jeongguk should probably say that it’s fine, he can go get it himself if they tell
him where the kitchen is. The words are actually on the tip of this tongue,
actually. But they die there as Taehyung stands up, taking a step away from where
they’re sitting, right as Jeongguk’s eyes land on Taehyung’s body.

He’s wearing dark skinny jeans, a blue so dark that in the right lighting could
probably pass as black. They’re tight, hugging his legs just perfectly and making
the fact that they’re long, almost endless, stand out. On top, he’s wearing a big,
loose-fitting cotton grey t-shirt, one that he’s tucked inside the waistband of his
jeans. Like this, it’s easy to see how small his waist and hips look in comparison
to the width of his shoulders.

Jeongguk tries not to stare, but his eyes end up going to the curve of Taehyung’s
ass as he walks away. It’s perky, little, and Jeongguk can’t help but want to hold
it and squeeze it in his hands. He shakes those thoughts away, though. It’s not
really appropriate.

He’s so enthralled in his own thoughts that he doesn’t hear Taehyung ask what
everyone else wants to drink, but he does notice him carrying four drinks instead
of one when he gets back. He gives to the rest of them what they asked for and
then, once again, sits cross-legged by Jeongguk’s side.

There is something different from before Taehyung left, though. He seems to have
sat closer to Jeongguk now, as his knee rests on top of Jeongguk’s thigh as he sits
with his legs crossed. While Taehyung rescues his own drink from where he abandoned
it next to the couch, Jeongguk wonders if this is accidental or if Taehyung did
that willingly. If indeed it was on accident, Jeongguk hopes that Taehyung won’t
pull away once he realizes they’re touching. The contact is nice against Jeongguk’s
leg, and it makes his skin tingle even if there are two layers of clothing
separating him from Taehyung.

Jeongguk looks to his right, trying to find Taehyung’s eyes. Taehyung looks back.

“So, what have you been up to these last couple of weeks?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk
wouldn’t say his voice is hushed, but it’s low and more quiet than the other day at
the bar. There’s no music in the background now, just the comfortable sound of
conversation all around them, so Jeongguk finds it easy to slip into this little
bubble with Taehyung.

“Not much,” Jeongguk says. Nothing exciting has happened in the last couple of
weeks or days. Most of his time has been split between going to class, meeting with
friends to waste their time in each other’s company and thinking about Taehyung. Of
course, Jeongguk is not going to tell Taehyung that. “I haven’t done a lot. But I
pulled an all-nighter last night to meet a deadline today. That’s the most extreme
and exciting thing I’ve done all week.”

Jeongguk wasn’t intending to be funny, but his comment still elicits a chuckle from
Taehyung, whose eyes close as he laughs. The sound is deep and melodic, coming from
his chest as he leans forward a little. It’s short, though—Jeongguk wants to hear
it again. He wants to make Taehyung laugh until his belly hurts and his chuckles go
all high-pitched.

“An all-nighter? That sounds dangerous,” teases Taehyung. “Bad assignment or

procrastinator?”

“I’m proud to admit I’m a procrastinator,” Jeongguk replies, giving Taehyung a

tilted smile. Taehyung smiles back, a bit wider than usual. “But it makes me more
proficient.”

“I believe you,” Taehyung replies. “I’m a bit of the same, so I get what you mean.”
Jeongguk is about to reply with _twinsies_ , but then Hoseok’s voice addressing
them both catches his attention.

“You up for some games?” he asks, raising a questioning eyebrow. His body is all
twisted around so he can look at them since he was sitting with his back to both of
them.

“Oh, God, yes,” Taehyung almost exclaims, sitting a little straighter on the couch.
His knee is still on top of Jeongguk’s thigh despite that. “Truth or dare? I wanna
play truth or dare.”

“Either that or never have I ever,” Yoongi replies, from where he’s sitting. “But I
think truth or dare might be more exciting, yeah.”

“Truth or dare it is, then,” he says. He, as well as the rest of the people sitting
on the carpet, start moving to sort of make a circle. Jimin and Hoseok sit to one
side and, in front of them, Seokjin and Eunwoo do. Sunny is sitting on one corner
of the sofa opposite to Taehyung and Jeongguk, and next to her, Yoongi and Namjoon.
“Rules?”

“Is kissing and touching good with everyone?” Seokjin asks. Jeongguk can’t help but
look at Namjoon and Yoongi, checking their reactions. Far from saying no or being
reluctant, they both nod—that’s not going to make things any easier between those
two, Jeongguk thinks, but to each their own. “Then, I say everything goes unless
it’s… straight up sex. If anyone doesn’t want to reply or do a dare, take a piece
of clothing off or drink three shots.”

“That sounds good with me,” Sunny replies, resting her elbows on her knees and her
chin on her palms. “Also, sounds a lot like alcohol poisoning.”

The comment is followed by a choir of hushed laughter, and from the corner of his
eye, Jeongguk can see Taehyung smile in amusement.

“Who goes first then?” Eunwoo asks, rubbing her palms together. Jeongguk dreads to
know what she’s planning.

“I will,” Jimin replies, taking one for the team. “I pick truth.”

There’s a moment of silence there, when everyone just looks at each other trying to
find someone who will get their brain to work and come up with a dare. In the end,
it’s Namjoon who speaks.

He says,” Let’s start off easy—when’s the last time you had sex?”

Jimin narrows his eyes, thinking about it. He hums as he does so and after a couple
of seconds he says, “Like, two weeks ago? Maybe three.”

“That’s interesting,” Namjoon replies, followed by a nod. Jeongguk fails to see

what the point of interest is, but he doesn’t say anything. “Who’s next? Left or
right?”

“Right,” Hoseok replies, from where he’s sitting to Jimin’s left. Jeongguk raises
an eyebrow. “Which is you! Truth or dare, Namjoon?”

If Namjoon is bothered by Hoseok’s questionable antics to avoid his turn coming so

soon, he says nothing. Instead, he just calmly says, “Dare.”

For a moment there, Jeongguk thinks that the same awkward silence from before will
follow, where everyone tries to come up with a half decent dare. Instead of that,
this time around there’s a suggestion for a dare without any delay.

“I dare you to pass an ice cube from your mouth to Yoongi’s until it melts,” Eunwoo
replies, legs stretched in front of her body as she rests her weight back on her
palms. There’s a giggle following her words, as well as a few surprised noises. She
looks smug, judging by the way she’s looking at Namjoon with an arched eyebrow and
a devious smile.

Namjoon and Yoongi both go incredibly red at that, especially Yoongi. Jeongguk—and
also Eunwoo—know how he is with PDA, but hey, they didn’t object to the kissing
when the rules were being discussed. If they didn’t want to kiss, they could have
said so.

“You are terrible,” Yoongi complains, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You love me,” Eunwoo replies, her smile widening. You should have known we were
going to make you guys make out with each other all night.”

Jeongguk hadn’t considered that. When both Namjoon and Yoongi agreed to the
kissing, Jeongguk assumed that they would end up kissing other people that weren’t
each other, which would just make things between them more complex. He guesses that
them making out is a far better alternative.

“So, can I go get an ice cube, then?” Sunny asks, pointing with her hand to what
Jeongguk assumes is the direction of the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s good with me,” Namjoon says, giving in despite being clearly
embarrassed. He then looks at Yoongi, adding, “Unless you don’t wanna?”

“I’m good, I’m good—go get it,” Yoongi replies, accompanied by a nod. Then, before
Sunny has a chance to move, he adds, “Please.”

Sunny stands up then, rapidly leaving the room. From where he’s sitting, Jeongguk
can hear the sound of her barefoot steps walking away, followed by the noise of the
freezer door open. It’s less than a minute after that she comes back carrying a
dark grey cereal bowl in her hand. Jeongguk assumes that the ice cube is in the
bowl.

“Remember, pass it back and forth until it melts,” Eunwoo reminds them as Namjoon
takes the bowl, reaching for the ice cube inside. “Or until one of you is brave
enough to swallow it, anyway.”

It might seem weird, but Jeongguk is oddly excited. It’s always somehow thrilling
to play this kind of game, much less to see the dares being executed. Jeongguk
remembers being fifteen and getting excited when his friends had to kiss as
punishment for losing a game, so he guesses this is a normal progression.

Either way, he watches with a little smile dancing on his lips as Namjoon takes the
ice cube to his mouth. His face looks funny once he’s placed it in, but he pays
more attention to the way he reaches for Yoongi’s neck, gently cupping it before
leaning in. It’s kind of soft, really—Yoongi leans into the touch at the same time
he surges forward, parting his lips for Namjoon to push the cube inside his mouth.

Yoongi pulls back a little then, wincing probably because of the coldness of the
ice inside his mouth. He, however, grabs Namjoon’s arm and pulls him a bit closer
then, again pressing his lips against his and passing the ice to him.

It’s probably a bit weird how everyone else in the room stares at them both as they
pass the ice back and forth, really. As it melts, it starts looking more and more
like a proper kiss, to the point where Jeongguk bets that there is now tongue
involved. It’s cute, really. Namjoon has slid considerably closer than before, and
Yoongi clutches at Namjoon’s sleeves while they kiss.

Namjoon is the one who pulls back first, leaving Yoongi with his eyes closed and
his lips parted for a fraction of a second. When Yoongi realizes the kiss is over
he quickly pulls back too, sitting straight and with his back up against the
backrest of the couch again. He smacks his lips a little, too.

“That good, huh?” Hoseok asks, teasing.

Yoongi doesn’t humor him with a reply. Instead, and with the knowledge that it’s
his turn next, he says, “I pick truth.”

He probably did so to avoid picking a dare that would mean kissing Namjoon in front
of everyone again. That doesn’t mean there isn’t other ways of teasing him—to tease
_them_. From Jeongguk’s side, Taehyung asks, “Do you like Namjoon?”

The room goes quiet for a second then, all eyes except Namjoon’s going to Yoongi.
Namjoon, far from looking at him, just looks at Taehyung with wide eyes, almost
asking him with his gaze _why_ he’d ask something like that. Taehyung doesn’t meet
his eyes, though, still looking at Yoongi with a devious smile plastered on his
lips.

“I’m gonna do shots,” Yoongi replies.

His statement unchains… different reactions. On one side, Hoseok laughs, probably
amused because of Yoongi’s avoidance. Seokjin, on the other side, clicks his
tongue, sounding almost disappointed. Jeongguk knew this would happen, though—
Yoongi wasn’t going to admit it yet, or so easily. Much less over a stupid dare.

In the end, Sunny ends up getting three shot glasses for him, filling them with
vodka to the brim.

“One after the other and no long breaks,” Jimin tells him once he’s done, Yoongi
taking the first of the glasses on his hand. “Unless you feel like you’re going to
gag. Then go to the bathroom, please.”

“I’m not going to throw up over three shots,” Yoongi replies, sounding almost
offended.

He doesn’t say anything else before taking it to his lips and tilting it,
swallowing the shot in one big gulp. Just like Jimin told him to, he takes no
breaks before taking the other and doing the same, then repeating with the third.
Yoongi is frowning a little by the time he’s done, probably trying to hide a wince
at the burn, but Jeongguk isn’t going to bring it up.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, still a bit teasing.

“So far, so good,” Yoongi replies. “But ask me again in ten minutes, or when I have
to stand up from this couch.”

One by one, they all get their turns. Sunny picks truth, which ends up with her
admitting she didn’t have sex until she was nineteen and already in college. Eunwoo
screams questionable things out of the window when her turn comes, and Seokjin is
dared to lick the foot of the person he finds the least attracted in the room by
Jimin, which ends in him taking off his sweater to avoid doing so.

And then, Jeongguk’s turn comes. Everyone is looking at him, waiting for him to
pick whether he wants to answer a question or fulfill one of the tasks they’ll pick
for him. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip. Usually, truths are more invasive
and bother him more than dares do. Dares… he doesn’t mind doing them, really.

And so, he says, “Dare. I pick dare.”

Yoongi speaks almost immediately. “I dare you to kiss the person you find hottest
in the room,” he says.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows shoot up, taken terribly off guard by this request of Yoongi’s.
First of all—he was hoping for his friends to be _loyal_ , and not to put him in a
compromising situation. He’s been good all evening, hasn’t really teased neither
Yoongi nor Eunwoo for their obvious crushes. He narrows his eyebrows at Yoongi,
hoping that he can transmit without using any words how terribly betrayed he feels.

Despite that, and probably because of the relaxed atmosphere, Jeongguk doesn’t feel
as shy as he’d expect himself to be when being faced with such a dare. He doesn’t
even have to think hard about it—he knows who he’s going to pick. Maybe if they
were with other people he would have chosen Yoongi, who he does find very
attractive and has already kissed in situations similar to this. Times time,
though… the decision is already made.

He turns to his right. “Taehyung,” he calls. The other boy looks at him, humming
inquiringly. “Can I kiss you?”

And really—Jeongguk doesn’t know what takes over him. There are no red cheeks, no
anxious ball inside his chest as he asks this. Part of him is sure that, the reason
why he’s calm right now, is because of the way in which Taehyung looks at him.
Taehyung’s brown eyes are always on him, but in a way that makes Jeongguk feel…
wanted. The way in which Taehyung looks at him gives Jeongguk the certainty that
he’s not going to be rejected,

Taehyung blinks. He tilts his head like he always does, then smiles a little.
“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah. You can kiss me.”

Jeongguk is sure that it seems cliché to say that in that moment, he feels like the
rest of the room is swallowed under, and there’s only them two left. Them two, and
the decreasing distance between their faces as Jeongguk leans in, stretching his
neck.

Taehyung does the same. He leans forward with parted lips, their breathing
intermingling once they’re close enough. In that moment they both stay still, puffs
of air hitting each other’s mouths and lips almost brushing. Jeongguk can smell the
soju on both his and Taehyung’s breaths, which makes him a little sad—he wishes he
could taste Taehyung.

With that thought in mind, Jeongguk leans all the way in. Taehyung’s lips are soft
and plush under his, making Jeongguk’s mouth tingle as soon as his mind registers
he’s kissing Taehyung. It sends his mind spinning around, but not as much as the
feeling of Taehyung’s mouth against his own.

Jeongguk takes pride in being a good kisser, so he intends to prove to Taehyung

just that. His hand cups Taehyung’s cheek, angling their faces a little better, and
he kisses back. And that’s when Taehyung smiles into the kiss.

It’s sweet and slow, everything that Jeongguk could have wanted. Taehyung’s lips
move against his and make him feel like he’s floating. This is what he’s been
wanting for weeks, and God—it’s worth it. There’s the chemistry that he’s never
found with anyone before and he’s always longed for, there’s the connection.
Sadly, it’s over far too soon for Jeongguk’s liking. Someone—Seokjin, he thinks—
interrupts them by clapping their hands together, at the same time Eunwoo says,
“Okay boys, that’s enough. You seem to be getting a little too into it now.”

If admitting he finds Taehyung the hottest person in the room and kissing him
didn’t manage to make him shy, that comment of Eunwoo’s surely does. He feels his
cheeks go bright red as he pulls back, enjoying the feeling of Taehyung chuckling
against his mouth before they’re ripped away from each other. He’s aware he’s
blushing, especially judging by the funny look on Yoongi’s face as he looks at him.

Whatever. At least he got to kiss Taehyung.

Before he has any time to put his thoughts in order, Hoseok is asking, “Taehyung,
truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Taehyung replies.

A couple of things happen then, in less than a second, and Jeongguk notices them
both. Firstly, Taehyung’s head turns to the right, in Jimin’s direction, and they
both share a fleeting look before looking away. Right after that, Eunwoo opens her
mouth and is ready to talk, probably going to suggest a dare. However, someone is
faster than her.

“I dare you to kiss the person from this room you are most attracted, too,” Jimin
says then. “But instead of on the lips, on the three of the places that you find
sexiest.”

Jimin smiles after voicing his dare, looking almost too proud of himself. Around
them, the room bursts into cheers, and Jeongguk thinks he can hear Hoseok
hollering. Jeongguk… well. He doesn’t know what to think or expect. He knows what
he’s _hoping_ for, and also knows that if something different happened, he’d
probably feel down and stupid. God knows what’s going to happen. He really has no
clue.

The odds seem to be on his side tonight, though. He feels Taehyung turn around
before he can properly see him do so, the now familiar weight of his gaze dawning
upon him. “Jeongguk,” Taehyung calls. Jeongguk turns to the right, his eyes meeting
Taehyung’s. So big, so brown. So pretty. “Can I kiss you?”

Jeongguk recognizes in Taehyung’s words his own from before, feeling something
blossom inside of him at the parallels. It feels as if there is a volcano inside of
him now, his chest overflowing with feelings and emotions. Taehyung wants to kiss
him. Taehyung finds him the most attractive person in the room. Taehyung is _going_
to kiss him again.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk replies. “Yeah. Kiss me.”

Jeongguk would have loved to be able to have Taehyung’s mouth on his again, if he’s
honest. The feeling of their lips working in tandem is one that Jeongguk misses
already, even if it’s only been a couple of minutes. However, Jimin was clear on
his wording: three places other than the lips. So, as much as Jeongguk would love a
classic mouth kiss, he’s also excited. He wants to see what Taehyung chooses.

Before anything else, Taehyung moves. He kneels on the couch, getting closer to
Jeongguk and then sitting on his heels. Jeongguk automatically turns around a
little too, facing Taehyung. When he does that, Taehyung moves closer. Jeongguk
waits on edge as he does so, observing how Taehyung moves to the left a little.
What is he…?
Oh. It sinks in when Taehyung exhales, and Jeongguk feels the puff of breath
against his ear. Taehyung is going to kiss him _there_.

“One,” Taehyung says then. And then, he leans in.

Jeongguk wonders how he knows that the spot right behind his ear is Jeongguk’s
favorite to have kissed. Maybe it’s a common thing, or even something special that
Taehyung happens to love himself as well. Either way, Jeongguk can’t help but close
his eyes and throw his head back a little when Taehyung’s lips find the skin, first
pressing a peck. However, that’s the last chaste touch that they give him.

Unlike their kiss just now, this turns… a bit more obscene. Taehyung presses open-
mouthed kisses against the spot, just to lightly suck at it and lap his tongue over
it. All of it makes Jeongguk tense up, his fist clenching as he holds on tight to
one of the pillows of the couch.

He bites down on his bottom lip as he notices Taehyung start to trail down, until
he gets to his jaw. He doesn’t even pull back to say, “Two.” It’s muffled right
against Jeongguk’s jaw, but he heard him. God, he heard him. And now he’s _feeling_
him as he resumes kissing his jaw, sucking and making Jeongguk feel like his eyes
are rolling back. Fuck, Taehyung.

After some time, Taehyung resumes his journey down. This time around he ducks down
to kiss at Jeongguk’s neck, shifting positions so he can sit down on the couch
instead of on top of his heels. Taehyung slides closer, one of his legs tangling
with Jeongguk’s, all of this without pulling away. Once he’s finally found a
position he likes, he says, “Three.”

This is probably the lewdest yet. Jeongguk can’t help but let out a sigh then,
throwing his head back a little further and exposing more skin for Taehyung to
kiss. Jeongguk swears the room is ten degrees hotter than it was a few minutes ago,
and it has all to do with Taehyung’s mouth working on his skin.

If the previous kiss seemed like it was over too soon, this one is over even
faster. Taehyung is pulling back before Jeongguk was ready for it, which only makes
Jeongguk miss the heat of his body against his the second it’s gone.

“That was hot,” Taehyung says, going back to his previous position.

Jeongguk clears his throat. He feels everyone looking at him, and he doesn’t
appreciate it. “Yeah—it was,” he says, looking down at his thighs and feigning
nonchalance as he sits properly again. “It was.”

A few funny looks are exchanged, but much to Jeongguk’s relief, no one comments
anything.

After that, the game goes on. Jeongguk doesn’t really kiss Taehyung again, and even
if part of him is disappointed, he also feels somewhat relieved. He doesn’t think
his heart could have taken it, if he’s honest. Other people do, though—Namjoon and
Yoongi, for example. Jimin also kisses Eunwoo, although it’s very obvious that
neither of them is really into it.

By the time they leave, Jeongguk finds it hard to put his thoughts in order and
come to a conclusion. Not because he’s confused about anything, but simply because
his brain is… all over the place. He’s not going to lie and try to act like those
little moments with Taehyung were the highlights of the night. Not the only good
things that happened—Jeongguk had a really fun time, and he thinks that both groups
merge well. But Taehyung… Taehyung.
Yoongi and Jeongguk walk home in silence, after parting ways with Eunwoo and Hoseok
a few minutes ago. It’s obvious there is a lot on Yoongi’s mind right now, and
Jeongguk doesn’t want to distract him from those thoughts. But there is something
he has been dying to ask.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk asks, making Yoongi hum inquiringly as he turns to him. In the
darkness, only the sound of their shoes on the pavement can be heard. In quiet
times like this, with only Yoongi and the night to hear him, Jeongguk tends to get
braver. “Why did you ask me to do that dare?”

They don’t stop walking, their shoulders bumping into each other every once in a
while. Yoongi takes a deep inhale, holding the air in for a second before he sighs
it out. “I guess I was testing a theory.”

“What theory?” Jeongguk asks, now feeling a little more confused than before.

“I had a hunch that you had a thing for Taehyung,” Yoongi replies, with a shrug.
“Eunwoo mentioned the other day that you had been asking about love at first sight
and infatuation, a few days after meeting with them at the bar.” There is a pause
there, as if Yoongi was trying to put his thoughts in order before speaking again.
“And I guess I just knew right away. I saw how you looked at him that one day, you
know.”

Jeongguk looks down at his feet, kicking a little stone that he finds on the road.
He swallows down and asks, “And how did I look at him, Yoongi?”

It’s a loaded question, and Jeongguk knows that. One maybe he shouldn’t have asked,
given the circumstances, but now it’s too late to regret it.

“In the way you look at someone when you like them,” Yoongi replies. Jeongguk’s
chest tightens a little. “It was just—confusing. Because you had only known him for
hours, and you were already doing this thing where your eyes go really wide and you
look like you’re seeing an angel in the flesh.”

Jeongguk laughs at that, catching on to Yoongi’s teasing tone—a tone that is

reassuring, in a way. It’s funny to Jeongguk that he says that, because it’s
exactly what Jeongguk felt like when he saw Taehyung that one night. Like he was in
the presence of an angel.

“That’s not true,” he lies, trying to keep some of his dignity. He’s trying to keep
the magnitude of his infatuation to himself, but Yoongi is making it hard for him
to do so. “He’s pretty.”

“And your type,” Yoongi interjects then. “You’ve always liked twinks with cute
asses.”

Jeongguk just shakes his head then, not wanting to delve further into those
matters. Yoongi knows him well, and knows how to make him talk without him even
realizing he’s talking.

He steals a look at Yoongi from the corner of his eye, for no reason other than
just… seeing him. Yoongi is just walking and looking ahead of himself, so Jeongguk
looks away without much delay.

“That’s me here,” Jeongguk announces once they reach his apartment complex. They
both stop walking then, Yoongi shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at him.
“I’ll see you on Monday?”
“I’ll take that as your way of letting me know you won’t be leaving your apartment
for the entire weekend,” Yoongi comments, making the corners of Jeongguk’s mouth
lift up into a small smile. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“I’ll see you,” Jeongguk replies, opening the door to the building. “Get home
safely, hyung.”

Yoongi nods and, since Jeongguk knows he won’t get any reply other than that one,
he walks in. Once he’s inside, Jeongguk goes towards the elevator and calls it,
resting his forehead against the wall opposite of him.

All he can think is… what a night.

On Tuesday morning, right as he gets out of his first class of the day and the
week, Jeongguk realizes he has an unread direct message on Twitter, one that he got
no notification for. He only saw thanks to the small, blue bubble that appeared on
the app, which makes him frown in confusion.

The explanation to that comes shortly after, when he realizes that the message is
not on his main inbox, but on the requests to message. He taps on that section, and
when he sees the most recent message there, he almost trips down the stairs he’s
walking down then.

That one right there, the person in that profile picture, is Taehyung. _Taehyung_.
Jeongguk swallows down, tapping on the message.

_jeongguk!! it’s me, taehyung_

_found you on hoseoks following lol_

_i hope it’s not weird i messaged_

_i wanted to ask if you have any free periods to grab a coffee together tomorrow
morning?_

_let me know if you do!_

Jeongguk’s heart feels like it’s about to beat its way out of his chest, especially
when he notices the timestamp under said messages. Yesterday 20:04. It’s fucking
almost ten in the morning of the next day, and he’s only seeing them _now_.

In moments like these, Jeongguk thinks it’s safe to assume that he is a dumbass.

He types a quick message in return, one that he starts with apologizing and ends up
agreeing to meet up as soon as Taehyung is free. Maybe he is a bit too enthusiastic
and sends more exclamation marks than necessary, but hey—he’ll live. Taehyung will
live.

Jeongguk finds it hard to recognize himself in the text. It’s way longer than his
texting used to be, also far more enthused. Jeongguk doesn’t know what Taehyung has
done to rid him of his apathy, but it’s working. And really well.

He finds a bench to sit on and looks down at his phone, looking and hoping for a
reply from Taehyung. His schedule this semester is quite shitty, since he has lots
of big gaps between periods where he doesn’t have much to do. That leaves him with
at least two hours until his next period, which is more than enough time to meet
Taehyung. That is if he’s free and still wants to.

The answer to those questions comes soon—sooner than he was expecting, even. It’s
only a few minutes later when Jeongguk’s phone vibrates with a direct message
notification from Twitter and Taehyung’s icon pops up on his screen. Jeongguk bites
down on his bottom lip while he waits for it to load.

_i’m free now!!_

_meet me at the coffee shop by the fountain?_

Jeongguk doesn’t want the same thing from before to happen. He quickly types a
message back, agreeing to meet Taehyung there. He stands up and grabs his backpack,
starting to walk. He knows exactly where Taehyung means.

It’s quite a short walk there from Jeongguk’s building, but he still runs into a
few people. First, while exiting the faculty, he recognizes some freshman that he
met at the start of the year. They’re climbing up the stairs in a rush, worry about
making it into class late on their face. Jeongguk, who has just checked the time
while replying to his texts, knows they have more than enough time—but it’s a
freshman thing, isn’t it? Worrying about not making it on time when there’s
actually more than enough of it. At least, Jeongguk used to be like that, as well.

After that, he walks by another group, this one of people from his class. They’re
smoking, a few meters away from the entrance, probably trying to entertain
themselves during the long break they have. Jeongguk greets them with a tight-
lipped smile, but makes sure to walk away before they can stop and try to pick up
conversation. He has somewhere to be, and he doesn’t want to be late.

It doesn’t take him more than five minutes to get there. Even before walking into
the place he can see Taehyung through the glass window, sitting at a table by
himself. He has a paper cup in front of himself, and seems to be bored, scrolling
through his phone. Jeongguk smiles. He looks as stunning as always.

Jeongguk hurries to walk inside after seeing Taehyung. He makes his way to
Taehyung’s table in big, long strides and, sliding in the booth opposite him, he
greets, “Hi.”

Taehyung looks up from his phone, upon hearing Jeongguk’s voice. Like this,
Jeongguk can see how his cheek is squished against the heel of his palm, the skin a
little red there.

“Hey, you,” Taehyung greets him, smiling a little. “That was fast.”

“I’m fast,” Jeongguk replies, grinning right back at him. “What are you having?”

“A teeny tiny bit of coffee with lots of whipped cream and some other random shit,”
replies Taehyung, who clearly has no idea of what he’s just ordered. That endears
Jeongguk a little. “It’s tasty, though. Cinnamon something.”

Jeongguk has never been a big fan of extra creamy, overly sweet coffee. Don’t get
him wrong—he loves sweets. He has the biggest sweet tooth in the world. But when
he’s in the mood for coffee, he is quite basic: always Americano or cappuccino.
Taehyung’s order is intriguing him, though.

“I’m going to go order one for myself,” he says. He really doesn’t know what’s
gotten into him—this is definitely him acting on impulse. “Be right back.”

Luckily for him, the name of that cinnamon something is written all over the
store’s chalkboards in big letters, since that seems to be their newest drink.
Jeongguk orders it and, within less than a few minutes, is back at the table with
Taehyung. Now, he’s ready for them to spend the next while together.

“How long is your break?” he asks Taehyung, hoping for around… one hour. One hour
sounds lovely to him.

“I have until eleven. Then I need to leave—my next class is at ten past eleven,” he
says with a sigh. Jeongguk tries not to look too disappointed. It’s a bit less than
he was wishing for, but hey, it’s better than nothing. “I swear to God I’m not
going to make it past this week. Have had one lecture so far and I’m already
feeling dead,” he adds, burying his face in his palms with a groan.

“The first of the week is always the hardest,” Jeongguk replies to him, smiling a
little. “Come on. You have your cinnamon mocha latte to get you through this.”

Taehyung actually laughs at that, lifting his face from his laps. “You’re right,
you’re right. The magical properties of cinnamon will give me superpowers,” he
replies, nodding along as he reaches for the paper cup. “So—how has your day been
so far?”

Making conversation with Taehyung is easy. Taehyung asks him about class and about
the lectures that he takes, showing a fascination when Jeongguk answers that he’s
not used to. More often than not, people take his major not very seriously. It
makes Jeongguk happy to see Taehyung’s intrigue and genuine enthusiasm for what
he’s doing, for a change.

In exchange, Jeongguk asks him a little more about Social Welfare and what he does
there. Taehyung explains with all detail, adding about how he’d love to work for a
child welfare agency. Just like that first day, he gets such brightness in his eyes
talking about it that it makes Jeongguk feel like his heart is going to melt.

Those fifty minutes that they spend together before Taehyung has to leave are,
without a doubt, one of the best-spent breaks that Jeongguk has ever had. They’ve
laughed together and gotten to know each other a little better, and even if
Jeongguk knows that he’s just digging this hole deeper for himself, he doesn’t
think he minds.

“I had fun with you,” Taehyung tells him, giving Jeongguk a sweet smile. Jeongguk
smiles back, biting down on his bottom lip to try to contain it a little—it doesn’t
work. “I think we should definitely do it again if you’re up for it.”

“I’m up for it,” replies Jeongguk. Of course he’s up for it. Available whenever
Taehyung needs him, too. “I’d love to do this again.”

“I’ll text you soon, then,” Taehyung says, putting on his coat. “Bye, Jeonggukie.
I’ll see you around.”

“Bye!” Jeongguk replies, waving Taehyung away. Just as quickly as Jeongguk had
entered one hour ago, Taehyung spins around on his heels and leaves, his long legs
allowing him to cross the shop in a few long strides.

Jeongguk just stares, watching him leave. It’s only when he’s alone that he
realizes not only how fast his heart is beating, but how big the smile on his face
is.
Jeongguk touches his cheeks—they’re hot. They’re hot and, even if it’s one minute,
he’s already missing Taehyung, as crazy as that sounds.

He looks down at his phone, the screen turned off. He just hopes that Taehyung
texts as he promised. And he hopes that he does it soon.

Taehyung does, indeed message him again on Twitter. After a couple of meetings
during lecture breaks, they exchange numbers at last, and finally end up agreeing
to go to the library together one afternoon. It makes Jeongguk happy, because he
feels as if things are… evolving. Maybe they’re finally turning into friends, after
being only acquaintances.

Taehyung likes white chocolate the most. He doesn’t usually smoke, but often when
he’s out with smokers, he’ll have a cigarette if they offer—a social smoker, he
calls himself. He bleaches and fixes his dark roots as soon as they appear, since
he thinks grey is his color and doesn’t plan on dyeing his hair any other tone any
time soon. He had a habit of biting on his nails when he was younger, but it’s been
five years since he got rid of it and he’s sure he’s not going to do it anymore.
Ever. He’s an only child and his parents are divorced, but he doesn’t talk much
about that. Bad memories, he had told Jeongguk.

He’s also one of the smartest people Jeongguk knows. He has a huge interest and
fascination for the arts, in any form they might manifest themselves in—painting,
sculpture, architecture, literature… Even cinema, even if as a film enthusiast and
student himself, Jeongguk beats him on that one. He’s curious about everything, and
his mind is always jumping from one thought to the other, almost like Jeongguk’s
own does. He’s ambidextrous, something Jeongguk noticed after seeing him take notes
with his left hand when, because of an odd angle, he can’t use the right one. He
eats practically everything but loves strawberries the most. He has little, worn-
out and old-looking notebook that he usually carries with him everywhere, one that
is full of doodles that he makes whenever he’s bored or nervous. He’s modest about
his art, says it’s not very good, but it helps soothe him down, so he keeps doing
it.

His eyes are big, his hands are big, and Jeongguk suspects his heart is too. He’s
the happiest person around a dog or around babies, as well as the kind to help
elderly people cross the road and to carry their groceries. Around others, he’s not
cold, but he is more reserved. He’s such a happy and talkative person that it might
seem like he talks about himself a lot, but Jeongguk notices he says very little.
That, to him, is intriguing.

All those are little things about Taehyung that Jeongguk picks up on during the
next couple of weeks. Jeongguk starts storing every piece of information that
Taehyung lets on about himself safely in his brain. He remembers Taehyung likes the
color purple and has a teeny tiny rainbow sticker on his laptop, one that Jeongguk
noticed the first time they went to the library together. He tries to remember
every little detail and feels himself rejoice in the warm feeling that his new
knowledge brings him.

He feels like he’s getting to know Taehyung, all the little nooks and details about
him that make him who he is. And that makes Jeongguk happy—extremely happy.
⍭

“I’ve been hanging out with Taehyung,” Jeongguk confesses one day when he and
Hoseok are eating another bad sandwich while waiting for Eunwoo.

He looks down at the cement floor under them while chewing on his food, feeling
Hoseok’s eyes on him. Maybe it’s his imagination, but he thinks Hoseok stares for a
little too long. Jeongguk hopes he’s just making that feeling up—he doesn’t want
any of his friends to suspect about his… crush. He’s sure at this point it can be
called a crush.

“And how was it?” Hoseok asks after a few seconds.

“Very good,” Jeongguk replies, nodding. He’s still not meeting Hoseok’s gaze—it’s
easier to play nonchalant like this, with no eye contact. “He’s a nice guy. I have
fun with him.”

“That’s good, Jeongguk,” Hoseok replies then. “Really.”

Jeongguk nods. It’s cool. It’s amazing. Taehyung is awesome, so of course it is.
“Really good, yeah.”

Mimicking him, Hoseok nods as well after he takes a big bite of his sandwich. They
don’t talk more about Taehyung, which is a relief for Jeongguk, but at least he’s
gotten this out the way and has told someone. He just didn’t want Taehyung to be a
secret.

Jeongguk watches closely as Taehyung puckers his lips out, blowing lightly. A big
bubble starts to emerge from the red plastic bubble wand that he’s holding in his
hand. Jeongguk tries to look at the bubble, he really does—it’s starting to get
impressively big, and under the sunlight, there are a dozen different colors
reflecting on it. However, the sight of Taehyung is far more appealing to Jeongguk.

His lips are pink and they look especially plush like this. There is a somehow
innocent look to him right now, as he blows into the wand. Maybe it’s because this
is something kids do, blowing bubbles. Maybe it’s because of the way that his hair
falls over his face, making him look as gorgeous as always. Whatever it is,
Jeongguk can’t tear his eyes away.

They’re by the Han River today. It was almost six in the evening when Jeongguk had
gotten a text from Taehyung, one that simply said _let’s go blow bubbles_. With no
more information than that, Jeongguk is aware he probably should have asked before
blindly agreeing to it. Not because he thought there was anything weird, he knows
that’s not the case. Simply because, when he accepts Taehyung’s plans like this,
without asking any questions, he thinks it shows. He thinks it becomes evident how
terribly hard he’s crushing on him.

From Taehyung’s face, Jeongguk’s eyes shift to his hand. His thin, dainty wrist is
bent as he holds the wand up. His fingers never cease to mesmerize Jeongguk—they’re
so long and thin, and also so pretty.
“Jeongguk, focus,” Taehyung tells him then. Jeongguk snaps out of his self-induced
daze then, his eyes going back to Taehyung’s after wandering to his hands. Taehyung
is frowning a little, the wand still in his hand. “You’re not blowing bubbles.”

Jeongguk is left speechless for a moment. He is aware he was indeed distracted, but
he didn’t know Taehyung had been picking up on it. “I’m sorry,” he says, not quite
sure if he’s meant to apologize. He knows Taehyung is not actually mad, despite the
furrow of his brows. “I got distracted.”

“Distracted by what?” asks Taehyung. There it is, the head tilt. It never fails.

Jeongguk wouldn’t consider himself a very… brave person, at least not when it comes
to social situations. He’s not a coward, at least not in every other dimension of
life. But when it comes to stuff like this… he’s shy. Extremely so. Especially
around people that he doesn’t feel strictly platonic for.

Which is why, it sounds so tremendously foreign to his own ears when he says,
“Distracted by you.” There is a pause, a pause during which Taehyung looks just as
surprised as Jeongguk himself does. “You look pretty.”

He’s not lying, and he’s pretty sure Taehyung knows that. There is no way that
Taehyung doesn’t realize how beautiful he is. Still, at this time of the day with
the sun setting behind them and its rays gently caressing Taehyung’s golden skin,
Jeongguk thinks he’s never looked as ethereal. He’s _glowing_. At last, Jeongguk
understands what golden hour really means and why everyone on the Internet is
always raving about it.

At first, Taehyung looks as shocked by Jeongguk’s temporary boldness as Jeongguk

himself is by his own words. He seems to recover a bit quicker than him, though,
because Jeongguk is still internally screaming when Taehyung raises an eyebrow at
him. In a teasing tone, he asks, “Are you flirting with me, Jeongguk?”

Yes. No. Yes and no. Jeongguk doesn’t know if what they’ve been doing during the
past few weeks counts as flirting. They’ve been friendly, that’s for sure. Taehyung
still looks at him in a certain way that Jeongguk wants to believe is special, and
Jeongguk is sure that, like Yoongi mentioned, he also does the same with Taehyung.
There have also been a few touches that, if you want to see in a certain way, might
seem flirtatious. Jeongguk just doesn’t want to blow his own horn, but he doesn’t
want to be terribly oblivious either.

He doesn’t know how to act, what to do. He doesn’t even know what to reply right
now.

“I just think you look pretty,” he says, going for the easiest answer. He’s not
confirming nor denying—just repeating what he’s already said. In a way, he feels
like his answer is far more exposing than any other he could have given.

They hold gazes for a moment, Taehyung’s eyes boring into this. Jeongguk feels like
his soul is being looked into, and for a moment there he genuinely believes that
Taehyung can read him. It scares him to think that he might be as transparent and
vulnerable as he feels right now. His mom always says that he’s the kind to wear
his heart on his sleeve, and in this situation, Jeongguk thinks that his feelings
are more obvious than ever.

If Taehyung knows anything, if he notices any sort of hints in the way Jeongguk
acts or the things he says, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he just shakes his head,
lifts the hand with the wand again, and keeps blowing bubbles.
⍭

It’s right when Jeongguk starts really, really missing the touch of Taehyung’s lips
on his that he gets a taste of them again.

Ever since his own group of friends merged with Taehyung’s thanks to Namjoon and
Yoongi’s romance (still a work in progress, by the way) Jeongguk has found himself
going out a lot more. See, before, whenever Eunwoo or Hoseok suggested plans,
Yoongi and Jeongguk always managed a find a way out of them. Now there is a lot
more people, and Sunny, Jimin and Taehyung are just as enthusiastic as Hoseok
himself, if not more. Namjoon and Seokjin aren’t too opposed to the idea of hitting
up some bars and clubs, either, so they almost never reject any plans. It doesn’t
help that Jeongguk, now with the perspective of seeing Taehyung, has also become a
lot more willing.

That would be the reason why Jeongguk finds himself in a club on a random Saturday
night, alone after being unable to find his friend when he came back from a
bathroom break.

Part of him is irritated. He feels as if there is an unspoken rule to _not_ move

places whenever someone is in the bathroom, especially in places as crowded as
clubs, and _especially_ if they go alone. Jeongguk wasn’t too bothered by the club
and its atmosphere earlier, when he was with people he knew and that made him feel
safe, but now… Now, he’s alone. The music feels too loud, some mediocre techno hits
that are probably a decade old. It’s too dark for him to make out anything or
anyone, but there are colored flashes of lights every so often that, honestly,
instead of helping him see anything, just leave him even more disoriented. He feels
himself start to get overwhelmed by the amount of people surrounding him,
especially by the continuous bumping of dancing bodies against him.

Jeongguk is a big boy, though, and big boys don’t let themselves get overwhelmed by
these things. At least, that’s why he tries to tell himself. He pushes away the
need to snap at the guy who bumps against his shoulder, just contenting himself
with giving him a dirty look as he walks by. It’s time for him to look for his
friends, he guesses. At least this shit hole isn’t too big.

He doesn’t find his friends. Instead, his friends find him.

More specifically, it’s Taehyung who does. He feels a hand curl around his arm and
pull, his eyes going wide as he trips over his feet. That was _strong_. Startled,
he looks into the direction that the pulling came from, not knowing what to expect.
Needless to say, he starts to soothe down the moment he sees Taehyung’s face.

Under the lights of the club, Taehyung’s hair looks a soft mint color instead of
grey. As Jeongguk has come to know, he’s painted over the beauty mark that he
already has on his cheek—it’s always there, but for going out Taehyung usually
paints over it with an eyebrow pencil. Just some more Taehyung facts he’s been
picking up on.

“Where were you?” he screams, trying to make himself be heard over the music.

“Everyone else went to get more drinks,” Taehyung replies, letting go of Jeongguk’s
arm. He doesn’t let go of Jeongguk himself, though, as he immediately wraps his arm
around Jeongguk’s shoulder and pulls him even closer. “Come keep me company. I’m
third-wheeling.”
After hearing that, Jeongguk looks behind Taehyung to see who he’s with, something
that hadn’t even crossed his mind. The first thing he recognizes is the back of
Yoongi’s head, as well as his clothes. And then, after a few more seconds of being
slow, Jeongguk realizes that Yoongi is making out with someone. With Namjoon.

Namjoon is resting back against the wall from what Jeongguk can see. His hands rest
down on Yoongi’s middle, keeping him close as they kiss. Yoongi, on the other hand,
has curled his own arms around Namjoon’s shoulders. The height difference is cute
as they kiss, Jeongguk thinks. They’re kind of cute.

“Again?” Jeongguk asks, diverting his eyes towards Taehyung. They’re very close
now, which makes Jeongguk feel a little out of breath. “Do they ever stop?”

“For breathing breaks,” Taehyung replies. He starts turning a little then, moving
from Jeongguk’s side to standing opposite of him. When he lets go of him, Jeongguk
is a little sad and almost about to protest, but before he can open his mouth
Taehyung adds, “Come on. Wanna dance.”

And, oh—okay. Dancing. With Taehyung. Jeongguk can do that.

Jeongguk is good at dancing, or at least he’s always thought so. Dancing with
Taehyung, however… God, why is he nervous?

But those feelings quickly start to fade away, as soon as Taehyung starts dancing.
He closes his eyes and mouths along to the lyrics, gets a few words wrong but
doesn’t really care. He swings his body from one side to the other, having fun and
just looking… carefree. And it’s impossible for it to not feel contagious. It makes
Jeongguk smile a little too, as he closes his eyes and starts singing along.
They’re here to have fun. And he’s going to have fun.

Taehyung keeps dancing with him, even when the rest of them are back and he could
choose literally anyone else to be with. He gets closer eventually, his eyes
meeting Jeongguk’s in the darkness of the club. Jeongguk feels his throat tighten,
especially with the way Taehyung’s eyes glisten. He thinks he completely loses his
mind when Taehyung raises one hand, gesturing at him to come closer with one
finger.

“Dance _with me_ , Gukkie,” he says after Jeongguk’s taken one step further,
putting special emphasis on the _with me_. It sends Jeongguk’s mind spinning. “Come
on.”

It’s Taehyung who, with both hands on Jeongguk’s hips, pushes their bodies flush
against each other. The touch is fleeting, though, because soon enough he’s moving
his arms up and resting them on Jeongguk’s shoulders. Their eyes are still on each
other’s, Jeongguk trying really hard to find a hint in Taehyung’s of what to do.
He’s lost, his hands awkwardly in the air not knowing if he is or isn’t allowed to
touch Taehyung, and if he is, _where_.

But Taehyung’s eyes are so inviting. And he pushes their hips together, and his
arms are around Jeongguk’s neck, and—

Fuck it. Jeongguk, too, is going to do what he really wants.

His hands find Taehyung’s waist easily, too easily. They slot around it, the fabric
of Taehyung’s sweater soft under his palms. Jeongguk quickly wonders if it’s not
too hot in the club to wear such attire, but as soon as he focuses on the sight in
front of him, those thoughts disappear from his mind. Taehyung is smiling a little,
now—it’s small, dancing on his lips almost teasingly.
God, Jeongguk wants to kiss him.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he just keeps dancing with him.Their bodies move to the
rhythm of the music, Jeongguk not even having to think anymore to follow the
swinging of Taehyung’s hips. It’s good to let himself go, to just allow himself to
enjoy the moment, the music, Taehyung. Their bodies are touching almost everywhere,
and Taehyung is now using his fingertips to tickle lightly at the sides of
Jeongguk’s neck. It just makes anticipation grow bigger and bigger inside of
Jeongguk, who feels like he’s going to _explode_.

Taehyung throws his head back, his neck glistening with sweat under the lights.
Jeongguk holds back the need to lean forward, trace his nose over it, kiss it. He’s
waiting for a cue, for a hint that Taehyung wants to kiss him again. Or even better
—for him to take the initiative.

When Taehyung starts leaning in, for a fraction of a second Jeongguk thinks that
it’s going to happen. He doesn’t want to say that he’s disappointed when Taehyung
surges forward for a whisper, since he wants to listen to what Taehyung has to say,
but… what can he say? He’s really looking forward to a kiss.

“You’re a good dancer when you’re not so shy,” Taehyung starts whispering in his
ear. His lips faintly brush against Jeongguk’s ear, which makes memories of
Taehyung kissing right under it that one night over truth or dare resurface. “I
like it.”

Taehyung pulls back a little then, so it’s Jeongguk now who leans forward to say in
his ear, “So are you saying I’m only good when I’m not shy then?”

Taehyung laughs a little at that, bright and wide. “Not what I meant,” Taehyung
replies, pulling back a little so he can look at Jeongguk. He adds, “It’s just good
to see you let yourself have fun like this.”

Jeongguk frowns a little, but his smile doesn’t falter. “I let myself have fun with
I’m with you.”

“But your mind is always going on and on—a thousand miles per hour, all the time,”
replies Taehyung, touching Jeongguk’s temple softly with the pads of his fingers.
“Not now, though. You’re not overthinking.”

“Need to stop the machine for a little,” Jeongguk replies, trying his best to hold
Taehyung’s face as Taehyung’s fingers caress down his cheek, making all the way
down to his chin.

“You think enough,” Taehyung replies. He looks down from Jeongguk’s fingers, his
eyes now staring down to the lower region of his face. Taehyung is now lightly
tracing his index around Jeongguk’s mouth, his own gaze following the movement.
“You need to feel more.”

Jeongguk wishes he could explain to Taehyung that he already feels, and that he
feels a lot. For a long time he’s felt like that’s the problem—that he feels too
much, and too strongly. Recently he thought he had it under control, that now he
knew how to keep all those emotions at bay, but… with Taehyung appearing, Jeongguk
doesn’t know anymore.

He could say that, really. But Jeongguk has always thought that actions speak
louder than words. And what better way to show Taehyung how capable of feeling he
is than kissing him?
Maybe this is the hint he was waiting for.

Jeongguk surges forward and, without much finesse, crashes his mouth against
Taehyung’s. It’s easy to tell that Taehyung wasn’t expecting him to by the way he
takes one second to react. In that time, Jeongguk has the time to wonder in his
mind if he has misinterpreted all the signs and Taehyung didn’t actually want him
to do this. All of those thoughts go away a second after, when Taehyung’s lips
start moving against his. Slow. Familiar. Just like the other day.

For a moment there, Jeongguk thinks it’s odd how vividly he remembers their kiss
from the other day—vividly enough to know that kissing Taehyung gives him the same
kind of euphoria, that his lips are still as soft. But then he remembers about how
many times he’s repeated in his mind, that always somehow finds its way back to it
at all times. When he’s in class, when he’s about to go to sleep, even when he’s
with Taehyung.

Now, it’s happening again. Taehyung’s lips are on his, kissing him. And Jeongguk,
he—God, he feels like the luckiest man in the world.

Unlike the other day, it… grows from there. Their bodies are flushed against each
other and they’re both a bit more daring today. When the kiss starts getting more
and more heated, neither of them stop it; Taehyung’s tongue brushes against
Jeongguk’s lips, and Jeongguk opens his mouth and lets Taehyung kiss him deeper.

There’s something electrifying about it, about the way their tongues curl around
each other and work in perfect sync. Jeongguk realizes just now that his fists have
closed around the fabric of Taehyung’s sweater, holding onto it tightly and
therefore wrinkling it. One of Taehyung’s hands has gone up to Jeongguk’s hair,
threading itself in the strands on the back of his head. He lightly scratches his
nails on Jeongguk’s scalp, making him shiver.

It amazes Jeongguk, really. As someone with a vivid imagination, he’s used to

reality often letting him down, not living up to the expectations he’s created for
himself. Considering the amount of times he’s thought about kissing Taehyung like
this, where chastity and all reservations were left behind, it’s incredible how
this is better than anything he could have ever fathomed. Taehyung’s scent and
taste intoxicate him, and the feeling of his soft lips under Jeongguk’s is
addictive. He physically _can’t_ stop kissing him.

They kiss for what feels like hours, but it’s not enough for Jeongguk. A protesting
sound dies in his throat when Taehyung pulls back, breaking the kiss.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk can’t find his voice, so he just makes an
inquiring sound that Taehyung certainly can’t hear with all the noise surrounding
them right now. It doesn’t seem to matter, as Taehyung adds, “Let’s get out of
here.”

Jeongguk’s mouth gaps at that. He has seen enough movies and read enough dumb memes
on the internet to know the implications behind that. His eyes are wide and he
doesn’t know how to put any of his thoughts down into words. With him. Taehyung
wants to go home with _him_. It’s surreal to think about. A possibility so wild
that Jeongguk hadn’t let himself consider it.

He swallows down. “Do you wanna…?” he manages to get out, trailing off. He’s too
shy to say it out loud, so he just hopes that Taehyung understands.

“Yeah,” Taehyung says, his fingers tracing shapes on Jeongguk’s nape. “Only if you
wanna, though.”
Of course he wants to. Jeongguk is sure that Taehyung _knows_ that he wants to, and
how badly. It’s impossible for Taehyung to not know the kind of effect that he has
on people. He _has_ to know just how utterly fascinating he is, to the point that
he’s been everything Jeongguk has been thinking about for weeks. He needs to know
that he’s charming in a way Jeongguk has never seen before, that he’s beautiful—
that he’s _hot_. God, he’s the hottest person Jeongguk has ever seen. And now, he’s
implying he wants to sleep with him.

Really, Jeongguk finds it hard to believe.

“I do,” he says, his eyes meeting Taehyung’s in the dark. He feels like a deer
caught in headlights, but then again, that’s a feeling he’s becoming used to
whenever he’s around Taehyung. “I do want to.”

A smile spreads slowly across Taehyung’s face, making him look almost like the
Cheshire cat. “Good,” he says, that one word alone being enough to make Jeongguk
feel hot all over. “Is yours nearby?”

“It’s close,” Jeongguk replies, truthfully. The single apartment that he rents is
merely two blocks away from this club—a small five minutes walk, really. “Very
close.”

“So take me to yours, then,” Taehyung tells him, his hands loosening around
Jeongguk’s neck. One of his arms starts snaking its way down Jeongguk’s body,
fingers eventually finding Jeongguk’s and interlocking with his. “Come on. Let’s
get out of here.”

Before Jeongguk can say anything or react in any way, Taehyung is already turning
around and pulling Jeongguk with him. Jeongguk looks back as he stumbles, trying to
tell someone they’re leaving, but finds all eyes already on them. It makes him
_blush_ , seeing how Hoseok wiggles his eyes at him, Jimin gesturing at them to go.
Christ, even Namjoon and Yoongi have their attention on _them_ , instead of each
other.

Jeongguk trips over someone’s foot then, and only then does he realize that he
better look ahead of himself if he doesn’t want to fall over. The walk outside of
the club feels longer than he remembers it being, and the constant bumping of
bodies against him, more of an inconvenience than ever.

The walk to Jeongguk’s is… quiet. It’s not uncomfortable, or at least, Jeongguk
doesn’t feel that way. Taehyung’s hand is still firmly clasped around his as
Jeongguk guides him through the maze that Seoul’s streets are at night. It’s quiet,
no cars coming. Every once in a while they run into someone—more often than not,
people their age who are probably heading to the bar area that they’ve just left.

They get there, eventually. Jeongguk clumsily opens the door to the building,
holding it open for Taehyung before going in himself. “Chivalry isn’t dead,”
Taehyung jokes, getting inside the building before Jeongguk. “That’s cute.”

Jeongguk blushes again. At this point, he’s already accepting the fact that he’s
destined to be a blushing mess when around Taehyung.

On the regular, Jeongguk is not too bothered by the fact that his complex doesn’t
have an elevator. The building is a small one, nowhere near the size of the tall
skyscrapers from Gangnam that a lot of people associate with Seoul, so he doesn’t
mind climbing a few stairs. Right now, though, the absence of an elevator seems
like a shit idea.

Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind, though. They have to let go of each other’s hands in
order to climb the two flights of stairs in front of them, which is terrible news
for Jeongguk. However, he makes it. After punching the code for his apartment in
and unlocking the door—much to his relief, without making any mistakes, and
therefore not making a fool of himself—he holds it open for Taehyung. Looking at
him, he asks, “Come in?”

Taehyung doesn’t reply straight away—he just smiles and nods. In two long strides,
he crosses the space separating him from the door and enters, looking behind his
shoulder as Jeongguk follows and turns the light on.

They take their shoes off and then Taehyung walks into the living area and looks
around himself. Jeongguk doesn’t know what to make out of it. He’s even more
shocked when Taehyung says, “This is a cute place.” What is that meant to mean?
Aren’t they supposed to be, I don’t know, kissing right now?

“Thank you,” Jeongguk blurts out. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do. “Do you—
do you want to see my bedroom? Or is that too direct? Can I offer you a drink? I—
fuck, I don’t know. I’m—wow.”

Taehyung looks at him for a second, silence reigning between them for what feels
like hours. Jeongguk feels his cheeks get hot, the embarrassment of all that mess
starting to dawn on him. God, he needs to learn how to act. Whatever miracle made
Taehyung want to do this with him earlier is not going to be able to save him from
this one, that’s for sure. Why is he such a fucking mess?

“Hey, hey, Jeongguk,” Taehyung says, taking a step closer. He holds Jeongguk’s hand
in his, his palm big and warm against Jeongguk’s. Carefully, he takes it to his own
face, cupping Jeongguk’s hand around his own cheek. “It’s just me. What’s got you
so nervous?”

This is one of the times where Jeongguk feels like he’s being asked a rhetorical
question. Like he said before, there is no way Taehyung doesn’t know what he’s
like, the power that one single touch or look from him holds. He’s a dream come
true. And Jeongguk realizes that all of this glorification and idealization of a
person is not fair, nor is it normal or healthy. But so far… so far, he’s only seen
good. He’s only seen things that he likes. And God, he can’t wait to see more.

“Precisely because it’s you,” Jeongguk admits. He should probably feel embarrassed
to admit this out loud, but there is something about Taehyung’s presence and touch
that makes him feel safe enough to admit this. “I… You make me nervous. I don’t
even know how to act, fuck.”

Taehyung, whose hand is still covering Jeongguk’s, turns his head around a little,
pressing a sweet kiss against the palm of Jeongguk’s hand. Jeongguk’s heart
clenches at that.

“You could start by showing me your bedroom, then,” Taehyung suggest, once his eyes
are again on Jeongguk’s. “And we’ll go from there.”

“Okay. Okay, yes. Follow me.”

Jeongguk tells himself to be brave, and so he takes Taehyung’s hand in his own once
again and starts walking towards his bedroom. He feels himself die a little with
every step that he takes, hoping that his palm doesn’t get sweaty out of
nervousness on the short walk there.

They’re in less than thirty seconds later, with Taehyung’s eyes curiously wandering
around the bedroom once Jeongguk turns the lights on. Jeongguk, for some reason,
hopes that Taehyung likes it. There’s not much character to the bedroom of his
rented apartment, really. A desk, a bed, a closet. The most personality Jeongguk
has bothered giving it are his bedsheets, as well as some pictures on his shelves
and desk. He’s not a big decorator, he must admit.

Right now, he wishes he had. He wishes he had given his room a bit more
personality, just so Taehyung could see more of him just by looking around.

“Taehyung…” he calls, starting to get antsy when Taehyung stays distracted from
him.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung replies, turning around. His hair is back to looking silver
now, under the warm light of Jeongguk’s bedroom lamp. “I think you should kiss me
again.”

“I—” Jeongguk starts, trying to find something to say. It’s then that he realizes
nothing that he can say is going to be more effective than doing just that—kissing
Taehyung. Bringing his mouth to his, resume where they left off. Plus, Jeongguk is
positive he’ll be a lot better at making himself be understood like this.

So he does just that, really. He leans in and cups Taehyung’s face again, thumb on
his cheek as the rest of his fingers cup the back of his neck. This time around,
the kiss starts off as more aggressive from the start. Taehyung bites on his bottom
lip and, even if Jeongguk wasn’t expecting it, he likes it. He likes it even more
when Taehyung’s tongue invades his mouth, kissing him deeply as he places his hands
on his shoulders.

Jeongguk is not sure about which one of them it is that starts walking towards the
door, but soon enough Taehyung is walking backward until the backs of his knees hit
the edge of the mattress. With a gentle hand on his chest, Jeongguk pushes him
back, Taehyung falling on the center of Jeongguk’s double bed.

“Come here,” Taehyung calls, grabbing at the collar of Jeongguk’s shirt and pulling
him closer. “Kiss me again.”

They kiss, kiss and kiss. Jeongguk feels like he’s drunk on Taehyung’s taste, his
senses numb to the point where Taehyung is the only thing he can perceive anymore.
His body is warm and pressed under Jeongguk, anchoring him to reality. He places
one of his hands on Taehyung’s hip, letting his fingers caress the strip of skin
that appears after the sweater rides up.

Taehyung ends up flipping them around, placing himself on top as they make out.
It’s easy for Jeongguk’s hands to slide to Taehyung’s waist like this now, too
easy. They slip under his sweater once again, feeling the smooth skin of his back
before travelling down to his ass. When they’re there he gives a timid squeeze, but
one that makes Taehyung moan nevertheless.

It just goes up from there. Jeongguk’s hands decide that it’s time for Taehyung’s
sweater to go, just for his own to follow the same fate soon enough. It’s Taehyung
who reaches first for Jeongguk’s crotch, palming him through his jeans slightly.
Jeongguk feels his cheeks warm up—he’s already embarrassingly hard, even if all
they’ve done is make out. It’s easy for him to forget all about that when
Taehyung’s touch gets a little more insistent, making him close his eyes as he lets
out a low moan.

“Fuck, Jeongguk,” Taehyung says.

Jeongguk says nothing in return. He’s too busy dying a little as Taehyung’s hands
work on unbuttoning his jeans, then pulling the flyer down. Jeongguk looks at
Taehyung as he kneels on the bed, pulling down his jeans with his eyes fixed on
Jeongguk’s own. This has to be the hottest thing he’s ever seen, for sure.
Especially with how Taehyung’s eyes glisten, how his hair is all messy and ruffled
and his lips swollen and red.

Once his jeans are discarded to the floor, Taehyung comes back up. This time
around, he attached his mouth to Jeongguk’s neck, starting to kiss it as obscenely
as he had that one night during truth or dare. Except, this time around, his hand
starts wandering down Jeongguk’s abdomen. It’s ticklish, Jeongguk thinks, but it
also makes flames leap in his stomach. He’s definitely not ready for the feeling of
Taehyung’s palm brushing around his clothed cock, this time only his briefs
separating Taehyung’s hand from him. He palms him again a little, but soon enough
he grows bored of it and slips his hand inside the underwear. And God—

This has to be a wet dream, Jeongguk thinks. Taehyung kisses him intensely,
probably sucking small marks that won’t last longer than a few hours. At the same
time, his hand is now wrapped around Jeongguk’s cock, fist pumping him slowly. He’s
really, really going to die. Taehyung will be the death of him.

Jeongguk feels himself getting scarily close, the touch of Taehyung something
unlike he’s ever felt before. He hasn’t felt like he’s going to come so quickly in
ages, and he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of Taehyung. And so,
he wraps his own hands around Taehyung’s wrist and stops him. Taehyung looks up at
him up, eyes alarmed.

“I want to undress you,” Jeongguk explains, watching Taehyung visibly relax at

that. “Can I?”

Taehyung smiles a little then, cheeky. He nods, kneeling up. “Come on, boy,” he
says, a bit daringly. “Take these off me.”

Jeongguk sits up on the bed, immediately gluing his mouth to Taehyung’s abdomen and
starting to kiss. At the same time, he lets his hands go to Taehyung’s body, taking
it slow as he feels his ass up again. He feels Taehyung take a sharp breath, his
body shuddering under Jeongguk’s mouth. It’s then that Jeongguk takes his hand to
the front of Taehyung’s jeans, starting to undo them.

He’s fully hard now, too. He lets out a sigh as the zipper of his jeans slides over
his bulge, Jeongguk biting his bottom lip. He just wants to touch Taehyung all
over, make him feel _good_.

After Taehyung’s jeans follow the same faith as Jeongguk’s, discarded to the floor,
they both kiss again, their bodies tangling with each other. Taehyung’s skin is
soft under Jeongguk’s wandering hands, warmer than Jeongguk ever remembers it being
from the fleeting touches they’ve shared here and there. He touches and lets
himself be touched, Taehyung’s fingertips making his entire body tingle.

Taehyung’s briefs are the first ones to be taken off, but Jeongguk’s follow soon
after. The touch of them directly against each other is bound to drive Jeongguk
crazy, especially when Taehyung starts grinding a little and their cocks slide
against each other.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung calls then, voice hoarse. “You have stuff here, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” Jeongguk replies, muffled against Taehyung’s lips when Taehyung leans
in for another kiss. God, Jeongguk is addicted. “Should I get it?”

“Absolutely, yeah,” Taehyung replies, a little rushed. “Go, go. I want you to fuck
me now.”
The words send Jeongguk’s head spinning. He would be lying if he said he hasn’t let
himself think about this moment. It’s in the late, guilty hours of the night, when
he doesn’t feel ashamed to jerk off to thoughts of Taehyung. It’s crazy to him that
this, something he thought would never materialize into something real, is _now_
happening. Taehyung is there, naked, in his bed. Taehyung is asking him to fuck
him.

Jeongguk, luckily, doesn’t have to move far but still enough for him to have to
break the kiss between the two of them. He moves on the bed, reaching forward for
the first drawer of his bedside table. He gets lube and a condom from inside,
dropping them on the mattress.

Copious amounts of lube and some fingering after have Taehyung squirming on the
bed, begging to be fucked with three of Jeongguk’s digits inside of him. Jeongguk
would be lying if he said he’s not a bit nervous—God, he is. He wants to be good,
make this as good for Taehyung as he can. But, at the same time, he’d also lie if
he said he’s not a bit more… confident now. It’s easy for him to feel that way when
he sees Taehyung like this, writhing on the sheets because he’s making him feel
good. It’s _Jeongguk_ who has done this, no one else. Surely, he must be doing
something right.

Jeongguk manages to put the condom on without making a fool of himself, squirting
some more lube on his hands. Taehyung looks at him, bottom lip caught between his
teeth.

“How do you wanna do this?” he asks, holding back a moan as he coats his cock with
some more lube.

“On my hands and knees,” Taehyung replies, right away. At the same time he says
that he starts getting into position, turning around on the bed and getting up on
his knees and elbows. “Want you inside me now.”

The sight of Taehyung, exposed and waiting for him, is inviting to say the least.
Jeongguk moves on the bed until he’s right behind Taehyung, taking ahold of his ass
and spreading his cheeks a little further. With his other hand, he guides his cock
to Taehyung’s hole, still covered with lube from earlier.

“Going to push in,” he warns, pressing the tip of his cock against Taehyung’s
entrance. It makes him gasp a little, a sound that will now forever be engraved in
Jeongguk’s mind. He’s sure he’s going to remember every single detail of tonight.

“Come on,” Taehyung encourages, once again. “Fuck me now, Jeongguk.”

That’s all Jeongguk needs. Without making the wait unnecessarily long for either of
them, he starts pushing inside of Taehyung. Jeongguk has to choke down a noise that
threats to leave his lips, the warmth and tightness getting almost overwhelming.
Inch by inch he slides in, feeling Taehyung’s walls engulfing him and making him
lose every bit of sanity he had left. It’s too fucking hot, the way in which he
wraps around Jeongguk and makes him feel _good_.

He decides to give Taehyung a few moments to adjust, but Taehyung doesn’t want
them. He looks over his shoulders, eyes meeting Jeongguk’s before giving him a
sharp nod. Jeongguk can see right through it—Taehyung is urging him. And Jeongguk,
well. They both want the same thing, don’t they?

He pushes back slow, until he’s almost all the way out. After that and without
waiting too much he pushes in again, bringing all of his cock inside of Taehyung
again. He starts building a rhythm, a slow one, but Taehyung says, “Faster,
Jeongguk. I want you to fuck me until you’re all I can think about for days.”
Slow sex with Taehyung is something that seems very appealing to Jeongguk. But, sex
hard enough for Taehyung to _feel_ him for days—well. That’s an idea he likes, too.

Jeongguk is a giver, and he’s always liked to please. That’s why he brings his
hands to Taehyung’s hips, keeping him in place, and next time snaps his hips
faster. Harder. And, God, judging by the loud moan that Taehyung lets out, he likes
it.

The room is filled with grunts and pants, Taehyung whispering strings of curses
against the bed covers every once in a while. His hands are now gripping the sheets
tightly, fists clenched around them as his knuckles turn white. The sight is
something that Jeongguk knows he’s going to remember forever—Taehyung on all fours
in front of him, a moaning mess as his cock disappears inside of him when he fucks
him. It’s easily the hottest thing he’s ever seen, and so he can’t help but bring
one of his hands to cup Taehyung’s ass, kneading it. He doesn’t let that slow down
his thrusts, though. Now that he knows what Taehyung likes and wants, he’s going to
deliver.

“God, Jeongguk,” Taehyung tells him, pressing his cheek down against the mattress.
Jeongguk clenches his jaw, trying to hold back a moan. “You fuck me so well. Holy—
yes, yes, yes. Keep going.”

Jeongguk finds it hard not come undone just by listening to Taehyung, to the filthy
words and moans escaping his mouth. As if just the feeling of Taehyung around him
wasn’t enough, his dirty talk is bringing Jeongguk closer and closer.

It’s then, between the sound of skin slapping against skin, that Taehyung lets out
a loud and drawn-out moan. His eyes close in bliss, mouth falling open before he
says, “Right there. Fuck, Jeongguk—right there, right there, right there.”

He repeats it like a mantra, over and over as Jeongguk holds on tighter to

Taehyung’s body and keep on thrusting into the same spot. It makes Taehyung weak,
body shuddering under his as he gets louder and louder.

Jeongguk’s thrusts become erratic, now letting himself give in to the immense
pleasure that he’s feeling. As well as he can, he leans forward and snakes one hand
around Taehyung’s body, finding his cock and wrapping his fingers about it.
Taehyung gasps.

“Gonna make you come so good,” Jeongguk says, starting to jerk him off. That only
elicits another loud sound from Taehyung, who is now obviously on the verge of an
orgasm. “Fuck, baby.”

The pet name slips before he can stop it, perhaps too intimate or too much for what
they’re doing and what they are. Neither of them seems to care. Taehyung only
moans, his eyes fluttering open so he can look at Jeongguk in the eye. His head is
twisted in an odd angle, but Jeongguk knows this is it—Taehyung is about to come.

“Just like that,” Taehyung babbles. “Such a good cock, Jeongguk I—oh, fuck.”

His words are interrupted by his own orgasm, hitting him in waves. It’s just a cry
at first, then his body starts shaking, and then he finally spills as he bucks his
hips into Jeongguk’s fist. As he does so, he starts clenching around Jeongguk’s
cock, making it hard for him to keep thrusting and making the feeling of tightness
multiply by a hundred.

And that is exactly what brings Jeongguk over the edge, too. He spills inside the
condom with a loud moan, his hips faltering a little. The relief he’s been chasing
for so long has finally come, making him unable to hold himself up for much longer.
He flops down on top of Taehyung, trying his best to keep as much of his weight as
possible off him.

“Oh, my God,” Taehyung says, his voice hoarse and a little raspy. “That was…”

“That was…?” Jeongguk repeats in an inquiring tone, urging Taehyung to continue. He

thinks it was good, he’s not going to lie. He just hopes it was as nice for
Taehyung as it was for him.

“Really good,” Taehyung finishes. Jeongguk eases up at that. “Really, really good.”

“You’re amazing,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung just hums, smiling happily. “Going to
pull out, okay?”

“Go on,” Taehyung replies, eyes closed and cheek still pressed against the covers.

Jeongguk holds the condom at the base of his cock and slowly pulls back, making
Taehyung inhale deeply. After taking the condom off and disposing of it he quickly
goes to the bathroom, grabbing a towel to clean himself and Taehyung. Upon coming
back, he finds the other boy still on the bed, looking rather lethargic.

“Hey, Tae,” he calls, making his eyes flutter open. “Turn over. Going to clean you
up.”

“You’re such a gentleman,” Taehyung replies, words slurred. He still flips around
on the bed, revealing his come-stained tummy. “Clean me up.”

Jeongguk can’t help but smile endeared, bringing the towel to his stomach and
cleaning him up as gently as he can. Taehyung’s eyes are closed again, and Jeongguk
thinks he looks… sleepy. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip, moving the towel to
his own body to clean himself from sweat, lube and come. How is he supposed to let
Taehyung go home like this?

“Are you gonna wanna stay the night?” he asks, before he can think twice about his
words or stop himself. “Like—you look sleepy.”

Taehyung blinks his eyes open, looking intrigued about the suggestion. He tilts
his head a little, saying, “That sounds lovely.” Jeongguk holds his breath, hoping
for a _but_. It doesn’t come. “I’d like that.”

Jeongguk smiles. This is good, right? They’ve just had sex, and now Taehyung is
staying the night. He is _staying the night_.

They both get in bed, and even if they don’t cuddle, Jeongguk can feel the heat
from Taehyung’s body radiate next to his. And as of now, that’s all he needs.

Jeongguk wakes up when the sun is already out and high in the sky, its rays
filtering through the haphazardly pulled-down blinds of Jeongguk’s window. It’s
March and still early in the morning so the sun doesn't shine particularly bright
today—just a regular late winter morning that promises to turn into Spring any day
now. Still, it’s is too bright for a just-awaken Jeongguk. He winces a little,
trying to get used to the brightness of the room.
He hears the humming before he notices Taehyung sitting there, on the edge of his
bed. It makes no sense to Jeongguk how he could have missed him earlier,
considering that instead of sitting on the other side of the bed, Taehyung is right
next to him. Their bodies are inches apart and the mattress has dipped down a
little with his weight, so Jeongguk genuinely doesn't understand how he didn’t
notice until he heard him.

It’s faint and Jeongguk can’t hear him too well, since Taehyung is sitting with his
back to him. Still, Jeongguk can vaguely make out the low, soothing sound of
Taehyung’s deep voice humming a tune he doesn’t recognize. Jeongguk closes his eyes
and lets himself listen, getting a little lost in the warmth and the velvet of
Taehyung’s voice. It’s a good morning, he thinks. Waking up to Taehyung next to
him, to the low rumble of his voice.

Jeongguk’s eyes are still closed, but he still can see painted on the inside of his
eyelids the image of Taehyung sitting on the edge of the bed. Silver hair, all
messy and reflecting the light. The soft, dark green sweater that Jeongguk took off
last night sitting on his slim body.

Wait. He’s up. His clothes are on.

Is he leaving?

Jeongguk blinks his eyes open again, taking in the sight in front of him. Now that
he pays attention he sees Taehyung leaning forward a little, putting his sock on.
And the green sweater. The stupid green sweater that Jeongguk fell in love with
last night, but now seems to be staring back at him mockingly. It’s cruel proof
that Taehyung is, indeed, leaving. And he was planning to do so without saying bye.

“Hey there,” Jeongguk greets before he stops to think twice about it. If he had
done so maybe he would have realized that Taehyung trying to leave unnoticed was
probably deliberate, and greeting him would just make things awkward. But Jeongguk
can’t deny the truth—he doesn’t want Taehyung to leave like this. He doesn’t want
him to leave at all, but there is nothing he can do to help that. “I see you’re
awake.”

Taehyung looks back at him, looking a little startled to see Jeongguk awake. He
doesn’t look upset or disappointed, though, which is… something.

“Good morning, hi,” Taehyung replies, twisting a little so he can look at Jeongguk.
Now that they’re facing each other Jeongguk can see that he looks tired, dark
circles surrounding his eyes. Maybe Taehyung noticed the way in which Jeonggukʼs
eyes flicker down to his attire, because he explains, “I was just leaving.”

“I can see that,” replies Jeongguk, sitting up on the bed. The bedsheets that were
covering his body slip down as he does so, pooling at his lap and revealing the
exposed skin of his chest. “Bit of a rush, huh?”

“Got places to be, you know,” Taehyung replies, vague. Jeongguk figures out that
he’s being ambiguous on purpose, so he decides to take the hint and not ask about
it. After all, it’s none of his business. Taehyung will tell him what he wants him
to know, and when he wants him to know.

“Busy bee, huh?” Jeongguk replies, making Taehyung chuckle. “You weren't going to
say bye?”

Taehyung looks at him for a second there, before he replies. He tilts his head to
the right and smiles a little, and Jeongguk doesn’t know what to make of it.
Doesn't know if Taehyung feels endeared or is pitying him.

“Oh, Gukkie,” he starts. “You were just sleeping so soundly. I didn’t want to wake
you up.”

Jeongguk knows that is true—he is a heavy sleeper. Maybe he’s just being paranoid
now. Taehyung leaving early doesn’t mean he hates him or what happened between
them, and maybe he is just genuinely busy. He has no reason to lie to him after
all.

“That’s true, yeah,” Jeongguk agrees. He bites down on his lip, debating whether
what he is about to ask is a good or terrible idea, but in the end he decides to be
brave. “Do I at least get a kiss?”

Taehyung laughs again, cheery and lighthearted. “You know, I don’t usually do
farewell kisses,” he starts. Jeongguk feels his heart sink down then. Maybe he
should have kept quiet after all. Before he can beat himself up too much over it
Taehyung adds, “But for you, I might make an exception.”

Jeongguk licks his lips in anticipation upon hearing those words. The feeling in
his chest starts to fade, but is only replaced by nervousness. Nervousness because
he’s going to kiss Taehyung. Again.

Now that Jeongguk is sitting up they are close together, so when Taehyung leans
forward, there isn't much of a gap for him to close. His lips are just as pillowy
and plush as Jeongguk remembers, albeit a little more chapped now after a night of
sleep. Neither of them has brushed their teeth, which should make this gross, but
Jeongguk can’t bring himself to care. He is kissing Taehyung.

It’s sweet, chaste. Nothing to do with the way in which they have made out before,
all neediness and tongue. This is just a touch of their lips against each other,
combined with the laziness and drowsiness of a Sunday morning.

Sadly, it’s also short. Taehyung pulls back, and even if he wants more and more,
Jeongguk forces himself not to chase his mouth with his own.

“Thank you so much for last night, Gukkie,” Taehyung says, getting off the bed and
looking at Jeongguk. “I had a very lovely time.”

“Thank you for it,” Jeongguk replies, not quite knowing what to say. “I’ll walk you
to the door.”

“It’s fine—don’t worry, I’ll show myself out,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk tries not
to deflate too much. “I'll see you around.”

“See you, Tae,” he says, right before Taehyung starts to walk away.

He waits as he listens to Taehyung's footsteps in his corridor, walking away from

him and in the direction of the door. He’s never been particularly bothered about
others leaving after a hookup, but he’s oddly affected this time around. Maybe, he
thinks, it’s exactly because of that one factor. Hookup. Jeongguk isn’t entirely
sure he wants this to be a hookup and nothing else.

That is probably his first mistake.

He waits until he hears the door open, and then Taehyung walks out. There is a
fraction of a second delay, almost as if Taehyung were reconsidering whether he
actually wants to leave or not, or at least Jeongguk lets himself imagine that’s
what it means. But then, much to his disappointment, the noise of the door clicking
shut comes.

Nothing but silence surrounds him for a moment. He needs a few seconds to process
everything—last night, waking up to Taehyung, but also Taehyung leaving. And only
then, after a quick mental review of everything that has happened in the last
fifteen hours, does he sigh. A big, deep and confused sigh as he runs a hand
through his hair.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what any of this means. He just hopes that he isn’t getting
himself into a mess.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what he was expecting from the next time he sees Taehyung.
Maybe he thought Taehyung would bring up the fact they slept together. Maybe he
would act differently around him—flirtier, with more intent. Maybe they could
_talk_ about it. That, in Jeongguk’s head, would be the ideal situation.

Maybe he’ll get a kiss. He would like a kiss, no doubt.

None of that happens, though. Taehyung texts him and asks him to meet up, same
coffee shop as always, right across from the fountain. They both order the silliest
drink they can find, which also happens to be terribly sweet and cloying. And then…
nothing. Taehyung starts telling him about his day and how it’s been so far, and
then asks Jeongguk about his. No talking about the other night. No talking about
how Taehyung bolted away from his place. And, of course, no kiss.

Jeongguk wishes he was brave enough to reach over the table and hold Taehyung’s
hand in his own. He briefly wonders if the reason why they’re not discussing last
weekend is because Taehyung is scared, just as scared as Jeongguk himself is, but
he’s quick to discard that possibility. Taehyung isn’t scared, Jeongguk thinks
it’s… something else.

Jeongguk lowers his gaze, trying to put his thoughts in order. It’s something else,
and even if Jeongguk tries to hide it, the truth is that it hurts a little.

“Do you want to come over to mine?” Taehyung asks Jeongguk one afternoon.

Initially, it seems like an innocent question. Jeongguk doesn’t see any

implications behind it, even if it’s true Taehyung and he never hang out at each
other’s place. They always meet on campus or outside, since Taehyung says he likes
to be outside, especially now that the weather is getting warmer. The one time
they’ve been to each other’s was that night that they went back to Jeongguk’s, and
that’s all.

Despite that, Jeongguk doesn’t think anything of it. Maybe it’s because with the
rest of his friends he’s used to meeting up in their respective apartments or
dorms. It might also be because he’s a little more innocent than that, and because
he’s already discarded the possibility of anything happening between the two of
them ever again. As they walk there, while Taehyung is happily chattering about his
dogs back at his grandmother’s house in Daegu, Jeongguk just listens. No wrong
ideas in the slightest.

Taehyung lives only ten minutes away from campus so it doesn’t take them too long
to get there. It’s the same area that he and Sunny live in, so it’s a landscape
that Jeongguk is used to: narrow streets with even narrower sidewalks, very steep
and crowded with small apartment complexes. At this time of the day, there are more
people around than the one day they went to Sunny’s—students come and go from
campus, carrying backpacks, laptops and heavy-looking folders and books. He also
spots a few people older than them, an old lady carrying her groceries as she opens
the door to her building. The area really changes radically from day to night,
Jeongguk thinks. Right now, it doesn’t make him feel lonely as it does when it’s
dark.

They don’t stop their chatting as they walk inside the building, or as they walk
into the elevator, even if they only have to go up a couple of floors. Jeongguk
tries his best not to but he can’t help but stare a little too long at Taehyung’s
lips. He takes in the light denim jacket Taehyung is wearing, perhaps a little too
impatient since it’s still a bit chilly. He looks at his glowing skin, the silver-
pendant a swirl that hangs from his neck and on top of his black t-shirt.

The elevator door opens behind him, and Jeongguk stumbles a little over his own
feet when he gets out, making Taehyung laugh. “You’re so clumsy,” he says happily
as he moves to his apartment door, his fingers quickly entering the code to open
it. When that’s done, Taehyung looks over his shoulder and, as he pushes the door
open, says, “It’s kinda cute.”

“I’ve been told that,” Jeongguk says in a mumble, following Taehyung inside as both
of them take their shoes off. “A lot, actually.”

“That you’re clumsy or that you’re cute?” Taehyung asks with a cheeky smile, now
barefoot. He starts walking inside the living area, and Jeongguk is quick to follow
as soon as his shoes are off as well.

“That I’m cute,” Jeongguk says. “I’m not a very clumsy person. I just have my
moments.”

He looks around himself, realizing that Taehyung’s apartment is not all that
different from his own. They’re both small, crammed—utilizing every little bit of
space as well as they can. He sees a small couch in a corner, opposite a TV, and a
door leading to a small kitchen. There’s a corridor next, which Jeongguk assumes
leads to the bedroom and the bathroom.

Taehyung hums, in response to Jeongguk’s statement just now. “So you think you
_are_ cute?” he asks. When Jeongguk diverts his attention back to Taehyung he can
see him arching an eyebrow, almost in a teasing manner.

“In a puppy way, yeah,” Jeongguk replies. Again, his words make Taehyung laugh,
bubbly and happy. Jeongguk rejoices in it, loving the way it rings in his ears.

“I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one,” Taehyung replies, taking a step
closer. Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat. “You’re cute like cute boys are cute.”

It’s about the proximity, but also about Taehyung’s words. They’ve been close like
this before, but the setting _is_ different. They’re not sitting in a booth,
squished together so that all of his friends can fit on the same table. It’s also
different from Taehyung resting his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder after a long
morning, when all he wants is to take a long nap.
Right now, Taehyung is standing right opposite him, so close that Jeongguk can take
in every single detail—even the beauty mark that Taehyung always makes sure to make
stand out whenever they’re out. Hell, Jeongguk could count his eyelashes, trace
every line of his face with his gentle eyes.

“What do you mean by that?” he forces himself to ask, glad that his voice didn’t
come out choked up. He finds it hard to breathe, too scared that anything he does
might make this moment shatter right in front of his eyes.

It doesn’t. Taehyung’s arms move, gently wrapping against Jeongguk’s shoulders.

God, it’s now that Jeongguk’s heart starts beating like crazy. He tries his best to
look calm, but he’s sure he’s betraying himself. Taehyung is good at reading
people, and Jeongguk always feels too transparent around him.

“You have that dreamy, boy next door look to you,” Taehyung replies, tilting his
head a little. “And sometimes when you smile you get these tiny, little dimples,
and it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in my life. Genuinely.”

Jeongguk huffs out a laugh, aware that his cheeks are getting warmer and redder.
There is no way Taehyung won’t notice, since he’s looking right at him. “Surely
you’ve seen better dimples. Namjoon _has_ better dimples.”

Jeongguk doesn’t know why he says that. Part of him knows that it’s true—Taehyung
didn’t lie, sometimes when he smiles small indents form in his cheek. But they’re
not ones to rival Namjoon’s, in any way. They’re bigger, deeper, probably cuter.

But then there is the other part of Jeongguk, who says it looking to elicit a
certain reaction from Taehyung. Reassurance? Praise? He doesn’t know how to name
it, but he does get it.

“I’m talking about _yours_ ,” Taehyung protests, smiling and narrowing his eyes at
Jeongguk. He’s a little closer now, his body practically pressed against
Jeongguk’s. “I like them. It’s a cute set you have.”

Jeongguk doesn’t reply, because he doesn’t know what to say. He stares at Taehyung
intensely, his tongue involuntarily darting to wet his lips, and fuck—Taehyung
definitely noticed that, his eyes following the movement. Right after that their
gazes lock again, and Taehyung’s eyes glisten in that way that makes Jeongguk
crazy. That way that makes him lose all inhibitions.

Maybe that’s why he moves his hands then, not letting them hang awkwardly to either
side of his body. Instead, he moves them so they can rest at Taehyung’s middle,
feeling the rough fabric of his denim jacket under his palms.

Jeongguk is surprised by the fact that he leans in first, softly bringing his lips
to Taehyung’s own. He’s happy to see Taehyung quickly kiss him back, smiling into
it before softly nibbling at Jeongguk’s bottom lip. God, Jeongguk is never going to
get over how much he loves kissing him.

“Bedroom?” Taehyung asks then. It’s just a word, a light suggestion, but the things
it does to Jeongguk are inexplicable.

He nods, eager. “Bedroom,” he repeats.

Taehyung smiles again, biting at Jeongguk’s lip once again before kissing him, at
the same time he starts walking backward in the direction of his bedroom.

And that’s how Jeongguk lets himself get tangled in Taehyung’s sheets all
afternoon, lost in the taste of his kisses. He has trouble finding the voice of
reason in his mind, the one that is telling him maybe this isn’t as good of an idea
as he thinks.

But right now, he doesn’t care. Taehyung’s body is warm and soft against his, and
that’s all Jeongguk can think of.

“How did you and Namjoon become friends with benefits?”

Yoongi freezes when he hears Jeongguk’s question, his hand going still while still
holding the pen he’s writing with. He puckers his lips, eyes still on the paper.
He’s thinking, Jeongguk knows. Yoongi wouldn’t not reply to him, even if the
question might make him a bit shy to answer.

It’s a few seconds before Yoongi raises his eyes to look at him, clicking his
tongue. “I don’t know,” Yoongi admits, dropping the pen. Jeongguk can hear the
thump of it falling on top of Yoongi’s notebook, loud in the otherwise silent room.
“We had a one night stand. Then a couple of weeks later we met again, and we hooked
up that night too. We exchanged numbers and after it just happened.”

Jeongguk nods. He doesn’t exactly know the difference between a friend with
benefits and a hookup you’ve been with a few times is. Maybe there is no
difference. Maybe it’s just a less complicated way of labelling it. Right now,
Jeongguk would say that Yoongi and Namjoon are friends with benefits, but what is
the line that separates those two situations? How many times do you need to have
sex with someone for it to turn from a hookup into friends with benefits?

“Did you guys talk about it?” he asks, curious. “Like—did you have a chat where you
decided that you were fuck buddies?”

“I think that’s something best not to talk about. Talking too much ruins things
sometimes,” Yoongi replies. That’s a bit of an unconventional philosophy, but
Jeongguk doesn’t comment on it. He knows Yoongi has his own things to think about,
just like Jeongguk does. This is something that they understand each other with—
when it’s best not to ask about something. Eunwoo and Hoseok would have already
asked him to elaborate, but Jeongguk gets it. “I think it just… happened. At some
point we both kept coming back, and we both started talking more. Calling it a
hookup felt too cold and impersonal at the time, you know? It felt like more.”

Jeongguk nods. He gets it. In his mind, he’s been trying to figure out what
Taehyung and he are. A hookup, just like Yoongi indicated, sounds too cold. A
friend that he has hooked up with, though… Maybe that’s right. Maybe they need to
keep coming back to each other before being considered friends with benefits.

He sighs. Even a friends with benefits situation, something that is meant to be

easy, seems complex to him right now. Maybe it’s the fact that he likes Taehyung a
bit more than he should that is making things hard for him right now.

“I see, hyung,” he replies, looking down at his own notes before himself. “Thank
you.”

He’s ready to get back to studying, which is what they’re in Yoongi’s apartment
for. Jeongguk finds it easier to focus when he’s not in his own room, where there
are too many distractions, and Yoongi finds it easier to focus when they’re alone.
They had been working in silence for half the afternoon after Jeongguk had spoken,
voicing the doubt that has been clouding his mind for a few days now.

In all honesty, Jeongguk was expecting that now that the question has been answered
they’d go back to work. But then, right under his eyes and on top of his book
appears Yoongi’s hand. The outer side of it is all stained in smudged black ink,
something that has been happening to Yoongi when he writes for as long as Jeongguk
has known him.

“Hey, Jeongguk,” Yoongi asks, bringing Jeongguk’s eyes and attention back to him.
“Is something bothering you?”

Yoongi almost never asks, but sometimes he has questions, too. When he does, it’s
like this—gentle, more like an invitation to talk than a direct question. Jeongguk
puffs out one of his cheeks, looking for the words to say. He knows that if he says
everything’s fine Yoongi will get it and won’t ask any further. But he also knows
that he’s a bad liar, and it would just worry Yoongi’s mind unnecessarily. It’s not
like what’s upsetting him is something bad. Just some silly love-life matters,
stuff he’s been overthinking about.

“It’s nothing important,” he says, still not knowing how to put it down into words.
Maybe it’s best to start from the beginning, right? “You know how Taehyung and I
left together the night we went clubbing?”

“I do remember, yeah.”

“We hooked up,” Jeongguk says, making a pause afterward. He knows it’s no surprise
to Yoongi, who shows no reaction. “But after that we didn’t talk about it and
nothing between us changed, so I just assumed it was a hookup and nothing more.”

“And then…?”

“And then we hooked up again a couple of days ago,” Jeongguk confesses. He didn’t
feel the need to tell anyone about the first time, since he knows everyone saw them
make out and leave together. It was no secret. But the truth is he’s been wanting
to tell this to someone, even if he still doesn’t know what to make out of it
himself. “He invited me to go to his and we had sex again.”

Yoongi hums. “And now you’re confused?”

“Now I just don’t really know what to think or do,” Jeongguk admits. “Do you think
I should bring it up? Ask him what it means?”

“I don’t know, Jeongguk,” Yoongi says with a sigh. “It depends. Do you think it
means something? Well, let me rephrase. Does it mean something to _you_?”

Yoongi rarely asks, but when he does, he knows exactly what to ask him about.

Jeongguk looks down again. This is what he’s been trying to figure out himself.
Well—this is what he’s already figured out, but has been neglecting in the corner
of his mind. It’s a thought that is easier to pay no mind to.

“I think it does,” Jeongguk admits, voice low. It’s a little over a whisper and it
comes out mumbled, but Jeongguk knows that he can hear him. “I don’t know—I might
like him.”

There’s a beat of silence, then Yoongi clicks his tongue. “Oh, Jeongguk.”
It sounds almost pitiful, something that makes Jeongguk’s face burn in
embarrassment. He knows Yoongi wouldn’t _pity_ him—sympathize, yeah, but pity?
Still, the embarrassment is very much present, and it comes from the fact that
Yoongi sounds like he knows something that Jeongguk doesn’t know. It makes him
wonder if Yoongi knows something through Namjoon.

“You don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?” he asks, daring to look at Yoongi
again.

“I don’t know. I don’t know Taehyung that much,” Yoongi replies. “But I just want
you to take things easy. Friends with benefits situations can get complicated when
there are feelings involved.”

Jeongguk can’t help it. He raises an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth tilts up
teasingly as he asks, “Are you talking out of experience?”

It takes Yoongi a second to react, but in the end he huffs out a laugh, shaking his
head. “Well, yeah, I guess I am,” he replies, giving Jeongguk a look. “I’m not
gonna tell you what to do, but I’m just giving you some valuable advice.”

Jeongguk smiles at that, taking his own pen in his hand again. “Okay, okay. I’ll
keep that in mind,” he says. “Thank you.”

Yoongi nods his head at him, raising his eyebrows, before getting back to his own
work. They fall into silence again, just the sound of pens scribbling on paper
reigning between them. Even if he’s back to work now, Jeongguk’s thoughts are still
somewhere else, though.

What the fuck are he and Taehyung?

_are you on campus??_

_i need to show you something really cool_

_Just finishing up one lecture_

_10 mins left_

_What is it?_

_i’ll pick you up_

_and show you then_

By the time Jeongguk’s lecture is over, he’s fidgeting in his seat and ready to
bolt out of the room. He quickly packs his belongings, saying bye to his friends
from class and making his way out of the classroom as soon as possible. His
backpack bounces on his back as he goes down the stairs at a light trot, trying his
best to not look like he’s rushing.

He makes it to the entry in record time, finding Taehyung already waiting for him
outside. Taehyung smiles when he sees him approach, waving at him. It’s more silent
than usual, but Jeongguk just rolls with it.

“Hey, you,” Jeongguk replies, smiling at Taehyung. Taehyung just smiles back,
widely. “What did you have to show me?”

Taehyung brings his hands in front of his face, indexes pointing at his mouth as he
raises his eyebrows. Jeongguk frowns but he still nods. He’s paying attention to
what Taehyung is trying to show him. And then, Taehyung opens his mouth.

Jeongguk notices how swollen Taehyung’s tongue is even before he sees the small
metal ball on top of it. However, once he spots that, his eyebrows shoot up in
surprise.

“Oh, fuck—a tongue piercing?” Jeongguk asks. Suddenly, Taehyung’s silence makes
sense.

Taehyung, who was previously sticking his tongue out for Jeongguk to see, closes
his mouth and smiles happily. God, he’s so _cute_.

“Does it hurt?” Jeongguk asks. Silly question—Taehyung nods, effusively. “Did you
get it done just now?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes, almost as if he were thinking. After that he points to
his wrist with one finger, then raises two other digits in front of Jeongguk’s
face, and then points behind him with his thumb.

It takes Jeongguk a moment, but then he finally gets it.

“Two hours back?” Taehyung smiles again, happy. “Wow. It looks good, Tae. You suit
having it pierced.”

Taehyung smiles again, happy, before pressing his hands together and bowing
slightly. _Thank you_ , Jeongguk guesses.

Communicating like this with Taehyung is a bit hard but they make it work. He’s
witty and smart with his signs, and Jeongguk discovers he’s a lot better at
understanding Taehyung and his signs than he initially thought. It’s easy for him
to figure out what Taehyung is trying to tell him, even if no words are uttered
from his end of the conversation. Plus, when they for some reason can’t seem to
understand each other, Taehyung just resorts to typing things to him through text.

At first, they go to their usual coffee shop, where Taehyung swaps the warm sugary
drinks for an iced coffee. Of course, Jeongguk has to place the order for him, so
he seizes the opportunity and ends up paying for Taehyung’s drink. It causes
Taehyung to narrow his eyes at him, and Jeongguk knows then that Taehyung will try
to get back at him for this.

After that, they both go to the closest convenience store and get some stuff for
Taehyung to feed himself during the next few days, in addition to a brand-new
toothbrush. Taehyung lets him know he’s already bought all the stuff he needs to
clean it and take care of it so in the end they just get food. Well—they get a shit
ton of ice cream, as well as some popsicles and crushed ice for Taehyung to suck
on. Jeongguk calls him lazy for not making and crushing it himself, and Taehyung
flips him off.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” Jeongguk asks once they’re out. Much to his
disappointment Taehyung shakes his head, pointing at himself and then giving him a
thumbs up. _I’ll be fine on my own_ , Jeongguk interprets that as. “As you want,
hyung. I’ll see you soon, then, and hopefully we can talk.”

Taehyung smiles at him, biting on the corner of his lip as he does so. Jeongguk
thinks he’s about to turn around and leave, walking home, but instead he leans
forward a little. The cold plastic bag hits Jeongguk’s thigh but he doesn’t care.
Not when Taehyung leans in even more, pressing a fleeting kiss against his cheek.

It’s as light as a feather, really. Not more than a brush, considering Taehyung’s
mouth is in a delicate state right now. He’s gone right after that, smiling at
Jeongguk one last time and waving with his fingers before turning away and leaving.

Jeongguk stays there frozen for a few seconds before snapping out of his daze. He
watches Taehyung walk away, crossing the road and disappearing behind the corner.
Only then does he bring his hand to his own face, fingertips tracing over the spot
Taehyung kissed him on. It tingles.

He’s now just slightly more confused than before.

It happens on a night when they’re all gathered at Sunny’s again. Hers is the only
place with _almost_ enough sofas to fit all of them, so that’s usually where they
meet up for their little get togethers. They have become a tradition of theirs,
something that Jeongguk is glad for. He’d rather meet up here and have a chilled,
relaxed conversation than go out to a noisy club or bar.

He’s sitting on the floor today, not being lucky or fast enough to get a place on
any of the sofas. Today, the three-seater is occupied by Eunwoo, Sunny and Seokjin.
Opposite from them, on the loveseat, is Namjoon and Yoongi. That leaves Jeongguk on
the floor, right next to Hoseok, as Jimin and Taehyung sit opposite them.

“It’s good to hear you talk again,” Seokjin teases Taehyung, poking at Taehyung’s
knee with his foot. Taehyung tries to slap it away but Seokjin is insistent. “Kinda
missed your voice.”

“I missed my voice, too. Those were a rough few days,” Taehyung jokes around,
looking up at Seokjin. “But I’m back now, even if it still hurts a little. Louder
than ever.”

“It looks so cool,” Jimin says, holding Taehyung’s chin with his fingers to make
Taehyung look at him. Taehyung sticks his tongue out at him, showing the piercing
off. “Where’d you get it done?”

“Jisung did it for me,” Taehyung replies. “I also got it for free.”

“That’s not fair,” Jimin protests then. “I want boys who like me to give me free
stuff, too.”

Taehyung laughs at that, throwing his head. Jeongguk’s interest is piqued now,
though—a boy who likes him? Jeongguk didn’t know about that. Not that he thinks he
knows everything that goes on in Taehyung’s life, or that he has any right to know
about it. He just… well, it’s a surprise.

“Could that be considered prostitution?” Seokjin asks then. Jeongguk turns to look
at them, brows furrowed. “If you have sex and then they give you free stuff.”

“I hope no significant other you’ve ever had sex with has ever bought you a gift,
then,” Taehyung points out, tilting his chin at Seokjin. “Or that no one you’ve
hooked up with has bought you a drink or vice versa.”

Seokjin laughs at that, loudly. It’s funny, Jeongguk can admit. The rest of the
group laugh as well, leaving Taehyung with a smug look on his face. Jeongguk,
however, doesn’t think it’s too funny. His stomach feels heavy now, doubts swimming
around in his mind.

Before reconsidering his words, he asks, “Who’s Jisung?”

The first one to realize seems to be Jimin. His smile falters a little as he bites
down on his bottom lip, looking at Taehyung and waiting for him to reply. Jeongguk
can’t help but feel stupidly transparent, his jealousy probably showing in so
little words.

“He’s a friend,” Taehyung replies. “He’s the one you saw me with that one day on
campus.”

Jeongguk remembers that clearly—the day he crossed the entire campus just to get
some coffee. He remembers seeing Taehyung with the guy, and wondering if they were
anything other than friends. Taehyung says they’re _just_ friends, but everyone
says that this Jisung guy likes Taehyung. They have sex, too.

Jeongguk really does feel terribly stupid.

It starts to sink in when he wraps his head around it. Just because he and Taehyung
are in this situation, it doesn’t mean that it’s anything exclusive. Hell, Jeongguk
is sure that friends with benefits are _not_ meant to be exclusive. He has been
looking at things from his own perspective. He thought that just because he’s crazy
for Taehyung and wouldn’t really be with anyone else, Taehyung would do the same.
It might be arrogant of him to think that, but it was just an assumption that he
automatically—and clearly wrongly—made.

Jeongguk thinks about Jisung, and wonders if there are others like him and himself
out there, in Taehyung’s life. Taehyung is free to do as he pleases, that’s for
sure. He’s free to have fun and sleep with whoever he wants. Sex is fun, and
they’re in their college years. If they’re not going to be having sex with no
strings attached every weekend now, when else are they meant to?

So he nods. He says, “I see.” Yoongi’s eyes are on him, Jeongguk knows that without
even having to look in his direction. Eunwoo probably has noticed as well. Hell,
even Jimin has noticed judging by the way his smile fell off his face as soon as he
asked that question. He should have kept his mouth shut instead of making the
situation awkward for everyone else.

Luckily and much to his relief, things go back to normal after that. It takes a few
jokes from Seokjin that Jimin laughs really hard to, as well as Yoongi clowning
around a little bit, and soon enough everyone is back to normal. Things get rowdy
once again but not enough to make Jeongguk feel overwhelmed.

He’s still zoned out. He tries his best to stay included and appear like the
conversation they’ve just had isn’t bothering him, but he’s not sure if it’s
working. He’s here—his body is here, but his mind is miles away, still trying to
figure out what he means to Taehyung.

Taehyung’s bedroom has white walls and white bed sheets. The curtains to it are
never completely shut, and since he’s lucky enough to have a bedroom that faces a
wider, bigger street, there’s always a lot of sunshine entering through the windows
until the sun sets. His desk is always full of newspapers and magazines, from the
news to art, including a couple of fashion ones. His walls are covered with
pictures—of himself, of friends, of himself with friends, of celebrities, of pretty
landscapes, some movie stills that Jeongguk recognizes, people he admires. There
are some drawings, too.

Sometimes, when Taehyung and Jeongguk have sex in Taehyung’s bedroom, Jeongguk
likes to just lie in Taehyung’s bed in silence and look at his walls, at the
personality that lives within his bedroom. He looks at the berets piling up on his
chair and can’t properly contain a smile. It’s all Taehyung, admittedly.

Taehyung never asks him to leave, never kicks him out. It’s always Jeongguk who
ends up leaving on his own, feeling like he has invaded Taehyung and his space for
too long. No, Taehyung is not like that—he likes skinship after sex, and enjoys the
feeling of just lying there together as much as Jeongguk himself does. They’re
still naked under the covers, their legs tangled as Taehyung haphazardly lies on
top of Jeongguk. His breathing is even, tickling Jeongguk’s skin with each exhale.
It’s comfortable.

When Jeongguk is comfortable, he tends to talk too much. Today won’t be any
different.

“Hey, Tae,” he asks. Taehyung makes an inquisitive noise, not moving to look at
Jeongguk. He’s glad for that—if Taehyung’s eyes aren’t on him, maybe it will be
easy to talk. He’ll feel less embarrassed, that much he knows for sure. “Can I ask
you something?”

“Of course you can,” Taehyung replies, his voice low and sweet. Jeongguk wishes
Taehyung would sing to him, sometimes. It makes him remember that one day when he
woke up to Taehyung humming a song, getting ready to leave. “Ask away, Gukkie.”

“Do you like having one-night stands?” he asks.

Not exactly what he meant to ask, Jeongguk realizes once the words leave his mouth.
Oh, well. He can just… try again, once Taehyung replies.

“Not really,” Taehyung replies after some thought, his fingertips dancing on top of
Jeongguk’s skin. “I’m not too into having sex with strangers. It has to be someone
I know and trust for me to enjoy it or even want it.” Jeongguk nods at that,
humming a little. “How come you’re asking? Do you?”

“I’ve had some. Sometimes I like how impersonal they are,” Jeongguk admits. He’s
more so the opposite. When it comes to _just_ sex, it’s easier for him to do it
with a stranger. If it’s someone he knows, well…He ends up like this. The way he is
with Taehyung. “What about friends with benefits?”

At that, Taehyung sighs. “Those I like better,” he says. Jeongguk gets the feeling
that Taehyung didn’t really want to answer that question, which makes Jeongguk feel
like maybe he shouldn’t keep asking, but he’s not doing any harm, is he? He’s just…
curious. “Why?”

“How many people are you seeing at the same time you’re seeing me?” Jeongguk blurts
out. Now this—this is more like what he meant to ask at first. Unfortunately, it’s
blunt.

He realizes he has probably said something wrong when Taehyung sits up a little,
balancing his weight on his elbow so he can look at Jeongguk. His eyebrows are
furrowed, something that signals the alarms in Jeongguk’s head. “What do you mean
_seeing_ you, Jeongguk?” Taehyung says. Jeongguk doesn’t like the tone he uses.
“This is just sex.”

“Well, I don’t know,” Jeongguk starts. Now he’s finding it really hard to voice his
thoughts, but then again, he doesn’t even know what he _thinks_ anymore. “It’s more
than just sex. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, but the fact that we’re friends doesn’t change that this is casual sex,”
Taehyung tells him, looking into his eyes. Jeongguk forces himself to stare back.
“Did you think we were…?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Jeongguk replies. He doesn’t even know what Taehyung was
trying to imply, but he thinks he has an idea. “I thought since we were friends and
also sleeping together, maybe it meant that you… wanted more?”

Being realistic, the rational part of Jeongguk has always known that that’s not the
case. He’s always seen how Taehyung was interested in sex and that’s it. But the
more they slept together, the more that Jeongguk’s more emotional side lets himself
believe that maybe this did mean something. The chemistry is there, that’s
undeniable. Taehyung kisses his cheek goodbye and holds his hand when they walk
down the street sometimes. They look at each other in a way that Jeongguk has never
looked at anyone else. In Jeongguk’s heart, it feels like they’re more than
friends.

“That’s—” Taehyung starts, interrupting himself as he shakes his head. He starts

again, says, “That’s not how it works, Jeongguk.”

“But you knew I liked you, right?” Jeongguk asks. He doesn’t process the words as
he says them. It’s amazing how he admits it to Taehyung even before he admits it to
himself, or to any of his friends. He insists, “You had to know.”

Taehyung’s mouth opens but nothing comes out. He seems to be at a loss for words,
shaking his head with his lips still parted. “But that doesn’t mean I like you
back, Jeongguk. I’m not interested in that kind of relationship. It’s just sex.”

Now it’s Jeongguk whose mouth falls open, not knowing what to say in reply. How to
act. Taehyung was clear, wasn’t he? He told Jeongguk what he already knew. But, if
he already knew all of this, why does it hurt so much to hear?

“Just sex?” he asks. It’s all he’s capable of—repeating Taehyung’s words.

“Just sex,” he reiterates. “We’re not going to be together, Jeongguk. I’m not
looking for that.”

Jeongguk nods. He gets it. It’s not like everyone is looking for a committed
relationship, especially at such a young age. Jeongguk misinterpreted Taehyung,
even if he knew that what they had was casual sex. Nothing more than that. He
fooled himself into thinking otherwise, but it was clear from the beginning.
Taehyung doesn’t like him back.
Just because he can accept that doesn’t mean it hurts any less, though. Jeongguk
feels the impending need to cry right now, but he doesn’t want to let himself do
so, not in front of Taehyung. He’s already made a fool of himself, showed Taehyung
how stupidly pathetic he is. Jeongguk clenches his jaw, says, “I think I should go.

Taehyung sits up, now. A sigh. “Okay. Okay, then.”

It’s dead silent as Jeongguk gets out of bed, picking up his clothes from the floor
and putting them back on. The minutes it takes him to do that are the only minutes,
for as long as he’s known Taehyung, where he’d say he’s felt uncomfortable in his
presence. He’s relieved by the time he’s done, crossing the bedroom and muttering,
“Bye.”

“Bye, Jeongguk,” he hears Taehyung call. He doesn’t say anything back. He puts his
shoes on at the door and leaves, taking the stairs. The sooner he’s outside and
away from here, the better.

This is exactly what he was afraid of—getting in too deep. As soon as he knew
Taehyung, he felt immediately drawn into him. Taehyung is smart and beautiful like
no one else, and after listening to him, Jeongguk can confirm that he has the most
wonderful mind he’s ever come across. At first he was terribly attracted, yeah, but
there’s so much more to him. Jeongguk has come to find all that, to unpeel all of
Taehyung’s layers and fall for him.

He knew this would happen. He remembers asking Eunwoo if she had ever met someone
and known straight away that she’d fall for them. That’s what happened with
Taehyung. And even if Jeongguk knew, even if he knew he shouldn’t, Jeongguk did
nothing to stop it.

And now this. Now he’s faced with the harsh reality—Taehyung doesn’t like him like
that. Taehyung is not looking for that. And it hurts. It feels as if his heart is
being ripped out of his chest, and Taehyung is unbothered. Taehyung doesn’t care.

It hurts. But for that, Jeongguk has no one to blame but himself.

Jeongguk is aware that he’s a bit of an overthinker. It’s not by far his healthiest
habit, but whenever an argument or anything happens, it’s impossible for him to
prevent it from playing on his mind, over and over.

During the next few days his conversation with Taehyung is all that Jeongguk can
think about. He replays it in his mind when he’s about to go to sleep, his thoughts
always wander to it during boring lectures. _We’re not going to be together,
Jeongguk_ , he had said. Somehow, it hurts as much remembering it as it did to hear
it from Taehyung’s own mouth.

He has a hard time. He doesn’t tell any of his friends about it since it seems like
too much to bring it up over a sandwich with Hoseok and Eunwoo. He considers asking
Yoongi to come over and talk on a Saturday afternoon, maybe ask him for advice on
how to get over it. Jeongguk is about to do it, but then his own buzzer goes off.
Weird. He’s not waiting for anyone.

Jeongguk walks to the kitchen, where the buzzer is. He’s surprised when he checks
the screen, seeing Taehyung there. He frowns, biting down on his bottom lip.
Taehyung has come to see him.

Without any delay he pushes the button, opening the door for Taehyung. He sees him
push the door open and then come in, and only then does Jeongguk turn the screen of
the buzzer off.

It doesn’t take too much to climb up the two flights of stairs that lead to
Jeongguk’s place, but today it feels like ages. Jeongguk forces himself to wait by
the kitchen and not the door, so he can’t open the door right away. Just to look
more casual.

Even if he was already waiting for it, the sound of the doorbell still startles
Jeongguk. He rushes to the front door, taking the handle in this hand and turning
it. And then, he sees Taehyung.

Usually, every time he sees Taehyung, the thing that catches his attention right
away is how beautiful he looks, no matter the day. Today he doesn’t look any less
beautiful, of course. Despite that, what really stands out to Jeongguk is that
Taehyung is wet from head to toe. Water is dripping from his face and down his
hair, as well as his clothes. Jeongguk is about to ask him how the hell he decided
to go out without a jacket or umbrella, with how hard it’s raining, but then he
sees it. Taehyung’s jacket thrown over his shoulders and hands, covering something
he’s carrying.

“Hi, Jeongguk,” he replies. He’s smiling wide, despite being literally dripping.

“Hey,” Jeongguk replies, eyes scanning Taehyung’s jeans and shoes. At least he’s
wearing boots. He doesn’t mean to sound rude, but he’s sure it sounds a little
snappy when he says, “Why are you here?”

“I came here to apologize,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk frowns a little. “For what I
said the last time we saw each other.”

Jeongguk takes a deep, shaky breath. “You don’t have to apologize for not having
feelings for me,” Jeongguk tells him, shrugging his shoulders. He doesn’t want
Taehyung to pity him, or feel like he has to say sorry over something like this.
Jeongguk’s unrequited love is not something Taehyung has to apologize to him for.

“But I do have to apologize for the way in which I said and worded things,”
Taehyung replies. At that, Jeongguk stays silent. “I know I was harsher than I
should have been and I probably seemed detached and unbothered,” he carries on. “I
care about you, even if I don’t want to be more than friends. So I want to
apologize for being mean. You don’t deserve that, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk nods. He didn’t think Taehyung was too mean, but then again, he has a
tendency to blame himself for stuff. If anything, it’s good to hear this from
Taehyung. It shows he cares. Jeongguk was so sure that Taehyung didn’t care, so
it’s… a relief.

“You’re fine, Tae,” he says. Taehyung smiles a little wider. “You’re forgiven.”

“That’s such a relief to hear,” Taehyung replies, expression softening. They look
at each other for a few seconds, but then Taehyung says, “I got you something.
Would you mind—can you lift up my jacket, please?”

Jeongguk, who has been curious about what Taehyung was hiding under said jacket
since the moment he came in, obliges. He didn’t know what to expect, really. Maybe
a coffee? A sugary drink like the ones they usually have together? Instead, what he
finds cradled carefully in Taehyung’s big hands is a plant pot. It’s white and
small, probably small enough to be placed on top of a desk or table. Inside the
plant pot, there is a cactus.

“A cactus?” Jeongguk asks, one eyebrow arching. He can’t help but let the corner of
his mouth tilt up a little, smiling. “Really?”

“Listen! I thought it was cute,” Taehyung replies. “Plus, your room is kinda empty.
I don’t know if you’re into this whole minimalism thing, but in case you are, this
will help you give some personality without disrupting the aesthetic. It’s cute,
right?”

Jeongguk wants to tell Taehyung that he isn’t really into minimalism or any sort of
aesthetic, that he’s just lazy when it comes to decoration. But right now his
cheeks are already spreading into a smile, eyes looking back up at Taehyung’s.
“It’s very cute,” Jeongguk replies, honestly. He can’t wait to find a place for it
in his bedroom. “Thank you so much, Taehyung.”

“You’re very welcome,” Taehyung says, giving him another smile.

They fall into silence then—the comfortable kind, once again. Taehyung looks at
him, and Jeongguk realizes that if he doesn’t do anything, Taehyung is going to
leave. Jeongguk shouldn’t want him to stay, but… he does.

“Do you, um. Do you want to come in to dry up a little?”

Jeongguk isn’t sure why he asks that. The easiest answer would be because of his
own lack of self-preservation, honestly.

“I don’t want to drip all over your place,” Taehyung replies, lifting one of his
legs. Upon looking down, Taehyung sees the small puddle that has started to form on
the floor around him. “I bet it’s all clean and, well, dry.”

“But I can’t let you walk back into the rain like that,” Jeongguk argues, the
protective side of him shining through. “Come in. You can change out of those
clothes here, near the door, and I’ll bring you a bathrobe and towels to dry
yourself with. Deal?”

“Sounds… fair enough,” replies Taehyung. Jeongguk starts moving then, Taehyung
following as he takes one step and enters the apartment. “Thank you, Gukkie.”

Jeongguk gives Taehyung a small smile then before disappearing in the direction of
the bathroom, grabbing stuff for Taehyung to dry himself with. Maybe when he sees
Taehyung again, this time stripped down to his underwear, he lets his eyes wander a
little before quickly looking away.

But that’s not what they do that afternoon, anyway. Together, they decide that the
perfect spot for the cactus is on Jeongguk’s shelf. After that, they settle on his
bed together and play some random movie on Netflix, something to keep them
entertained for the rest of the afternoon.

It’s easy for Jeongguk to forget when things are like this. With Taehyung’s warmth
by his side, Jeongguk finds himself slipping again into that safe, content state
that he always feels he’s in when he’s with Taehyung. Jeongguk takes a deep breath,
letting the fruity smell of Taehyung’s shampoo tickle his nose.

Like this, it’s really easy for him to fall back into Taehyung.
⍭

For as long as Jeongguk has known Taehyung, the latter has proved himself to be
someone who often finds themselves being nostalgic about past times. Taehyung
listens to music from even before his parents were alive, both Korean and foreign;
he has a penchant for antiques, not the expensive and luxurious kind, but rather
the little treasures that often are considered valueless and old. He has a
collection of posters and ads that his grandmother owned, that date all the way
back to the 50s; he also got a record player from one of his neighbors, who was
going to throw it away just to have more room.

That is why Jeongguk isn’t at all that surprised when Taehyung appears one night
with a film camera hanging around his neck. They’re at a bar tonight, Jeongguk
chattering away with Seokjin and Eunwoo as he watches Sunny and Yoongi battle
Namjoon and Hoseok at table football. The only one that Jeongguk would consider
_good_ is Sunny, who despite that isn’t bothered by the fact that Yoongi is too
slow as the goalie and the other team has scored a few goals for that reason. Other
than that, Hoseok is okay—he’s learning fast. Not that Jeongguk would know, since
he himself has no clue how to play table football decently.

It’s then that Taehyung and Jimin arrive. Jeongguk feels somehow proud to be able
to say that he has a sixth sense when it comes to spotting Taehyung, always being
able to find him right away no matter how packed the room is. Tonight, however,
Taehyung and Jimin find them all before Jeongguk can see either of them. He feels
Taehyung’s presence beside him, the warmth radiating from his body, before he sees
him. Even before looking his way, Jeongguk knows it’s him.

“Hey there,” Taehyung greets at the same time Jeongguk starts to turn around, their
eyes meeting. “Fancy seeing you here.”

They had all texted before coming, and Taehyung knows he was coming. It still makes
Jeongguk smile, no matter the absurdity of it. He replies, “Likewise. You’re late,
by the way.”

Taehyung laughs at that, starting to move so he can greet everyone else, and
Jeongguk only lets his eyes trail after him for a second before he turns around to
say hello to Jimin. At this point, Jeongguk is yet to see the film camera that
Taehyung is carrying. It’s only once Taehyung and Jimin have greeted everyone and
join Seokjin, Eunwoo and Jeongguk himself that he sees.

“What’s this?” he asks, nodding his chin towards Taehyung.

The camera hangs from a black strap, placed around Taehyung’s neck. It’s clearly
not a newer camera trying to resemble older models, but an old one itself. Taehyung
looks down, one of his hands grabbing the camera.

“A film camera,” he replies, stating the obvious. Jeongguk asked a stupid question,
after all. “My dad found it the other day at home, so he sent me it. It arrived
yesterday, so I’m still testing it. Do you like it?”

“It looks cool,” Jeongguk replies. The photography enthusiast in him holds back
from making it all the way to Taehyung and getting his hands on the camera,
exploring it himself. “I didn’t know you were into film.”

Taehyung shrugs his shoulders, giving him a small smile. “I’m sentimental,” he
replies. “It reminds me of my childhood and all the baby pictures my parents keep.”
“You know what it reminds me of?” Seokjin says then, all eyes on him. “Disposable
cameras and school trips. Those were the best times.”

“Oh my God—yes,” Eunwoo blurts out then, her plush red lips stretching into a
smile. “And then when you got them developed it was all stupid pictures of everyone
from class doing the most random shit.”

“Whenever I asked people to take pictures of me they all sucked,” Jimin laments.
“Like, I remember asking my friend for pictures and he just about got my head in
frame.”

They all laugh at that, before Taehyung adds, “See? That’s why I like film. I
associate it with memories—with happy memories.” He goes quiet for a second, then
adds, “Well, and because of the aesthetic.”

“Take pictures of us then,” Eunwoo replies, snaking her arm around Jeongguk’s neck
and pulling him closer. Taehyung smiles as he lifts the camera to his face. “Make
sure to make us look pretty. There’s no deleting here.”

Jeongguk shakes his head and smiles, the memory of taking and retaking a million
pictures of Eunwoo for her Instagram rushing back to his mind. She’s hard to
please, especially when it comes to how she looks in pictures. Jeongguk isn’t
bothered by it—well, not usually. Maybe he starts to get a bit tired after the
fiftieth snap.

Usually when taking pictures, Jeongguk feels very conscious of… well, everything.
He tries to smile, but not too much so it doesn’t look excessively toothy and so
his eyes don’t crinkle too much. Right now, though, he doesn’t think of much—his
smile as he waits for Taehyung’s finger to click the shutter is genuine, especially
after he notices Eunwoo standing on the tips of her toes next to him.

For the rest of the night, Taehyung does the same—he captures everyone with his
camera. He takes some candid pictures, others that all of them pose for. He lets
his friends take a few snaps, too: Jeongguk takes some pictures of Eunwoo and Sunny
while they’re talking together, unaware of the camera pointing to them. And, of
course, Taehyung gets some pictures of himself taken as well. It’s Yoongi who's
behind the camera when Taehyung slides into the booth right next to Jeongguk,
getting close and throwing a peace sign right by his eyes as Yoongi snaps the
picture.

Taehyung watches them all through his camera, capturing moments that Jeongguk knows
he will look back on fondly a few years from now. Jeongguk’s eyes, on the other
hand, are on Taehyung the entire night. Maybe it’s all in his mind, but Jeongguk
swears that every time Taehyung feels like he’s gotten a particularly good shot, he
smiles to himself as his eyes hurry to find Jeongguk’s in the room.

He shouldn’t. Jeongguk knows he shouldn’t. But at this moment, he swears that he

has everything.

The news that Sunny and Eunwoo have slept together doesn't come as much of a shock
to Jeongguk. He knew it would happen eventually. He noticed the way in which
Eunwoo’s eyes would look at Sunny, soft yet curious and wandering. He noticed how
she would talk about her new friend, sometimes with a little too much adoration
that Jeongguk would recognize as the same in his own voice when he talks about
Taehyung.

Of course, Eunwoo and Jeongguk are not the same. Jeongguk is shier and clumsier at
showing his affections, so Jeongguk has no doubt that she has done far more to show
interest in Sunny than he has done with Taehyung, despite them having slept
together a few times. Similarly, Sunny and Taehyung are not the same. Taehyung made
sure that Jeongguk knew they wouldn’t be anything other than friends who sometimes
have sex. Sunny, on the other hand, asked Eunwoo out on a date.

“So you’re going out with her, then?” Jeongguk asks. He’s lying like a starfish on
Eunwoo’s dorm floor once again. Eunwoo gets the bed, as always, but it’s her room.
Jeongguk is good with the floor, anyway. “Are you gonna date?”

“We are, yeah. And I hope so,” Eunwoo replies, answering both of his questions.
Jeongguk remains quiet for a second, listening to the nervous drumming of Eunwoo’s
nails on the frame of the bed before she adds, “I really like her.”

Eunwoo’s words pull at Jeongguk’s heartstrings, make him crack a smile. It was
obvious from the moment that both groups merged into one and Sunny and Eunwoo met
that they would end up falling for each other, Jeongguk thinks. As for Eunwoo, he
knows her type—Sunny, with her dollish features and dark, silky hair is everything
that Eunwoo likes. She’s shy and soft with her words, but she laughs loudly and
never backs down from a challenge. As for Eunwoo, well—maybe it’s biased of him to
think so, but Jeongguk is sure his friend is everything anyone could ask for,
really. He’s not into girls and at this point she’s more like a sister to him, but
he doesn’t see how anyone who is wouldn’t be head over heels for her.

“It was about time, too,” Jeongguk replies, turning a little to give Eunwoo a small
smile. “You’ve been pining for ages.”

“Listen! We all do things at our own pace,” Eunwoo replies, throwing Jeongguk a
pillow. Jeongguk catches it as he laughs, placing the pillow right under his head.
“Plus, you’re not really one to talk, are you?”

“That’s not very nice of you,” Jeongguk replies. He does his best to keep the smile
on his face, even if he doesn’t feel like smiling right now. Then, because it’s
obvious that Eunwoo is referring to Taehyung, Jeongguk adds, “You’re not gonna be
able to say that, though.”

“To say what?”

“About time. Or took you long enough, or anything of the sort,” Jeongguk says.
Eunwoo arches one eyebrow, questioning. “It’s not gonna happen. He told me it’s
not.”

“Wait—so you asked him out?” Eunwoo questions, sitting up on the bed with a slight
frown between her brows.

“Not quite. But we did talk about that stuff,” Jeongguk replies. The truth is that
they didn’t end up discussing those matters because Jeongguk decided to muster up
the courage to ask Taehyung to be something else, but just because he was feeling
jealous. “And he made sure we’re just friends, and that’s all we’re going to be.
Friends.”

“Who have sex?” Eunwoo asks. Jeongguk sighs. “Have you had sex ever since then?”

“A couple of times,” Jeongguk replies. It’s the first time that he discusses this
or the nature of his relationship with Taehyung with someone who isn’t Yoongi. Does
the argument he had with Taehyung count as discussing it? It surely must, right?
“But I know it’s just sex.”

“That isn’t gonna make the feelings you have for him suddenly disappear, though,”
Eunwoo says. Jeongguk gulps. “Does it… does it hurt you? To know that he doesn’t
want anything else?”

“Of course it hurts me. But there’s nothing that can change that—he doesn’t want
anything else, and I need to accept that,” Jeongguk replies, repeating the words
he’s been telling himself for weeks now, just this time out loud.

“Then why have sex? It surely can’t make it hurt any less,” Eunwoo replies.

“Not having sex with him wouldn’t make it hurt any less, either,” Jeongguk replies.
Eunwoo tilts her head to the right. “Plus, at least I can have him like this. It’s
better than nothing.”

Eunwoo sighs, and that’s how Jeongguk knows that she doesn’t agree with him or the
words he's uttered just now. “Can I give you some advice?” she asks. She’s always
there to take care of Jeongguk as well as she can, after all. Of course she would
offer some advice.

“You can, yeah,” Jeongguk says. More often than not, Eunwoo is right. He can’t
ensure just yet that he’ll follow said advice—Eunwoo might be right, but Jeongguk
is impulsive and acts based on emotions most of the time. But, at least, he wants
to hear her out.

“That’s just going to makes things complicated, Jeongguk. Stringless sex is easy
until someone catches feelings—then, what was supposed to be casual and simple
turns into something messy,” she replies. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip,
his conversation with Yoongi rushing back to mind. Of course Eunwoo is right. “It’s
just going to hurt even more like this, Jeongguk.”

“I’ll see what I do,” Jeongguk says. He really knows that what she said is right,
it’s just… He gets to have Taehyung like this. He gets to kiss him, run his hands
up and down his body. Jeongguk wants Taehyung, and like this, he has him. It’s not
so easy to give him up, even if it’s to protect his own heart. “Thanks, noona.”

Eunwoo smiles, but it’s tightlipped and a little sad. Jeongguk is pretty certain
that she already knows that Jeongguk won’t listen to his words.

When you know something is going to happen, there's no point in being surprised by
it once it does. Jeongguk has known for a while that he and Taehyung are just
friends, and that he’s not the only person with whom Taehyung can get… physical
with. One thing, however, is repeating it to himself enough times for him to feel
numb when thinking about it. Another is witnessing it with his own two eyes.

In the past few weeks, Jeongguk has seen Jisung. He asked Sunny to show him a
picture at some point, curious about what he’d look like. Jeongguk wanted to know
if Jisung looked like him, wanted to test if Taehyung had… a type. That one time he
saw them on campus wasn’t enough—they were too far away, and Jeongguk couldn’t see
too much.
Sunny showed it to him, which also made Jeongguk find out what Jisung’s _public_
Instagram was. Turns out, Jisung and Jeongguk… well, they don’t look like each
other. Just like Jeongguk already knew, Jisung is short and skinny, with pronounced
cheekbones and a bony body. He’s pale looking and his hair is dark and black,
getting in front of his eyes. His eyes are dark and long, feline.

That’s not what stands out the most about him or his appearance, of course. Right
under his eye, on the highest point of his cheekbone, there is a tattoo—a cross,
black and calling for attention. The rest of him is covered in dark ink as well:
there's a big rose on his neck, words written right under his jaw and on the backs
of his hands and knuckles. That’s all Jeongguk can gather from his pictures on
Instagram, but Jeongguk figures that the parts of his body that clothes cover are
probably the same.

The point is, Jeongguk knows what Jisung looks like. That’s why when they’re at the
club and he sees a boy with ink-black hair and pale skin look past him, he takes a
second look. And that second look confirms what he thought as soon as he saw him
walk past—that’s Jisung.

Jeongguk is with Jimin and Seokjin right now, waiting for the bartender so they
order drinks for themselves. From where he stands, he sees Jisung cross the space
that separates him from Taehyung, as well as Taehyung’s mouth splitting into a
smile when he spots him. Taehyung takes a step closer, one of his hands places
itself on Jisung’s shoulder as he ducks down to talk to him. Jeongguk’s fists
clench, seeing how Jisung gets closer now.

There’s no big outburst of anger or jealousy. Jeongguk doesn’t feel the irrational
jealousy bubbling up, nor does he want to interrupt the two of them. It’s not like
in the movies, and Jeongguk isn’t angry. Rather than that, he's sad.

His heart feels heavy, and he can’t help but look down at his shoes, away from
Taehyung and Jisung. He knew it would happen, right? He has no reason to feel like
this.

Heartbreak is not something that Jeongguk ever thought much about. He doesn't mean
that in a way that might make it seem like he's ever thought he's too good to get
his heart broken—far from that in fact. His mind has just never wondered what the
pain of a broken heart is like, because he's never been in the position where he's
felt like there was a risk of it being broken.

Until now.

There's no point in lying to himself anymore, is there? He's in love with Taehyung.
He's stupidly, irrevocably in love with Taehyung. But Taehyung doesn't love him
back.

Taehyung's heart is as unattainable as the stars in the sky, and his interest in
Jeongguk, as fleeting as the sighting of a comet. So then, why can't Jeongguk stop
himself from feeling _this?_ His chest feels hollow, like his heart has been ripped
out. Like Taehyung has ripped his heart out and is playing with it.

Jeongguk is in love with Taehyung, but Taehyung doesn't love him back, and he's
never going to. And despite that, Jeongguk is still going to be at his feet—he's
still going to go over to Taehyung's and fuck him every time he asks him to. Even
if he knows he's not the only one.

Taehyung's never going to give him his heart, Jeongguk knows that. Unluckily for
him, he knows that now it's too late to get his own back.

Taehyung puts glitter on Jeongguk’s cheeks with the pad of his finger before going
out, smiling at him and telling him that he looks pretty as a faerie. Jeongguk
blushes, looks away—he’s not _pretty_.

“I’m not pretty,” he says.

Taehyung laughs. “Is handsome better?” he asks. Jeongguk doesn’t reply, crossing
his arms over his chest. “You can be both. Pretty and handsome.”

“Are you both?” Jeongguk asks, their eyes locking through the mirror.

Taehyung waits a moment to reply, lips pink and parted. “I don’t know,” he says at
last, their gazes still not moving. “What do you think I am, Jeongguk?”

“I think you’re neither,” Jeongguk replies. Taehyung’s eyebrows raise, and Jeongguk
adds, “I think you’re beautiful.”

Taehyung smiles, slow and small. Jeongguk shivers a little, even if it’s cold. It
feels like the world is playing in slow motion as Taehyung takes one step closer,
standing behind Jeongguk as he sits on the chair opposite Taehyung’s desk. With his
palms, he holds each side of his head and pulls back, making Jeongguk look up at
him. Their eyes meet for a fleeting moment, before Taehyung ducks down and presses
their lips together in a kiss.

It’s slow. Taehyung’s nose bumps against Jeongguk’s chin, but it doesn’t deter them
from kissing. Jeongguk lets their lips move against each other slowly, chaste and
easy. In moments like this, Jeongguk feels like it’s impossible. It’s impossible
that it’s only him that feels his heart just so full when they kiss.

Unluckily for him, though, it comes to an end. Taehyung pulls away, the feeling of
his lips still lingering on Jeongguk’s even now that he’s standing completely
straight. Jeongguk’s tongue darts to wet his lips, even if they’re not dry. They
tingle.

“Let’s go out,” Taehyung says, making Jeongguk look at him through the mirror
again. “They’re waiting for us.”

Jeongguk nods, watching as Taehyung starts moving to get his jacket. He turns
around, wanting to see Taehyung with his own eyes and not through the mirror. He
sighs. He wishes they could stay here all night—just the two of them. Taehyung,
Jeongguk, and his unrequited feelings.

⍭
Jeongguk has never really enjoyed going out partying to clubs, but his distaste for
it changes a little when he meets Taehyung. The truth is that Taehyung’s presence
there makes it a little better—it helps Jeongguk unwind, who finds himself dancing
with his body pressed right against Taehyung’s more often than he ever thought
possible. Clubbing shifts into something he has fun doing, which is way better than
the vision he used to have of it: a task, managing to stay there mildly entertained
until his friends decided it was time to go home.

But in addition to having fun himself, Jeongguk also likes to _see_ Taehyung have
fun. He looks right in his element, hair messy and neck glistening in the dark with
a thin coat of sweat. He has fun as he sings along to songs, head thrown back and
eyes closed. One of his arms is thrown around Seokjin’s shoulders, keeping him
close, and the other is raised as it holds his drink.

Taehyung swears sometimes he lives these moments in slow motion. Taehyung’s eyes
and his locks for a moment, and the sound of the crowd and the warmth of the dozens
of bodies around them vanish. All Jeongguk sees is Taehyung—Taehyung, and his
ridiculously charming smile. Taehyung, with grey messy hair and eyes that Jeongguk
wants on him, only. .

Hoseok is next to him, his body bumping against Jeongguk’s side every time he
shifts his weight from one foot to the other following the rhythm of the music.
He’s loud—Jeongguk can hear him say something, Eunwoo cackling loudly in response.
That’s not enough to break the spell, though. Taehyung looking down abruptly, on
the other hand, is.

It takes Jeongguk a moment to realize that Taehyung got a call, his hand sliding
from Seokjin’s shoulder and patting the phone that he keeps in his front pocket.
Taehyung quickly takes it out of his pocket, looking at the screen. Jeongguk
doesn’t miss the way that he frowns slightly when he looks at the screen.

Obviously, Taehyung can’t take the call from inside the club. He looks up,
gesturing behind himself as he locks eyes with Jimin. Jimin nods, and just like
that Taehyung starts walking away, as fast as the amount of people around them
allow him. Jeongguk has a hunch. Maybe it’s in the way in which Taehyung frowned
when he saw his screen, or maybe about the urgency with which he leaves. Whatever
might unchain it, Jeongguk has a feeling that something is wrong. And for that very
reason he follows Taehyung when he starts walking towards the exit.

Were it not for the few people that get in his way, Jeongguk would probably get out
of the club far faster. He watches Taehyung disappear outside the door and
nervously taps on the side of his thigh, wishing the people in front of him would
just _hurry up_.

Realistically, it’s not much later that he makes it to the street and finds
Taehyung. He’s a few meters away from the entrance, phone pressed to his cheek. His
lips are parted and his eyes wide and glassy, almost as if he were about to cry.
Jeongguk feels as if someone had their fist around his heart and was squeezing it
tight, crossing the space between them in three long strides.

“Okay, thank you for calling,” Taehyung replies. His voice is a little shaky, which
immediately makes more alarms go off in Jeongguk’s mind. Jeongguk hears a voice
come from the phone, but he can’t make out what’s being said. “I know, I know—I’ll
be there soon. Thank you so much.”

Right after that, Taehyunt takes the phone away from his ear and hangs up. Jeongguk
doesn’t want to overwhelm him—he knows he's is there, and he doubts that what
Taehyung needs right now is being bombarded with questions. He looks… distressed.
Jeongguk has been around distressed friends before, and he has been around
Taehyung. But the truth is that he’s never been around Taehyung in such an
emotional state before, and he doesn’t know how to react.

He doesn’t know what to expect either. But Taehyung breaking down into a sob, just
like he’s doing just now, it’s not what he was waiting for.

“Hey, hey—Taehyung?” Jeongguk calls. Taehyung doesn’t reply, one of his hands
covering his face as he cries. “Taehyung, what’s happened?”

“I need to call a taxi,” Taehyung replies then. His hand falls from his hands,
allowing Jeongguk to see his eyes, lashes clumping to each other with tears. “Just—
a taxi. I need a taxi, Jeongguk.”

“Okay, okay. Give me your phone,” Jeongguk replies, taking one step closer. He has
his doubts about what to do—Taehyung looks like he needs a hug, but Jeongguk
doesn’t know whether Taehyung wants it or not. He’s torn, but what he does is get
Taehyung’s phone when he passes it to him and quickly googles the number of a taxi
service. While he waits for them to pick up, he insists, “Taehyung, what’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Taehyung replies, two tears still rolling down his cheeks.
“Just call, please.”

Jeongguk gives Taehyung a sharp nod, unable to say anything else after that as they
pick up the phone. He quickly gives the address to the woman who picks up, trying
to ask for the taxi to come fast as politely as he can. The call doesn’t last for
longer than half a minute, and after that Jeongguk hangs up.

He’s still torn between what to do—engulf Taehyung into a hug or let him have his
space. He looks at Taehyung, but before he can make any significant decision,
Taehyung himself launches himself forward and wraps his arms around Jeongguk’s
neck. It takes Jeongguk a moment to react, but he quickly returns the hug and
circles his arms around Taehyung’s middle. It breaks his heart, feeling Taehyung’s
body shake against him as he chokes back another sob.

Luckily, the taxi doesn’t take too long to come. During the minutes that they wait,
Jeongguk doesn’t bother asking any other questions. Taehyung doesn’t feel ready to
say anything else, and Jeongguk respects that. He limits himself to holding
Taehyung tight, stroking the back of his head lightly and trying his best to
comfort him.

Once they’re in the taxi and the driver asks them where they’re going, Jeongguk
turns around to look at Taehyung. His heart sinks when Taehyung replies, “To the
University Hospital, please.”

The Seoul National University Hospital isn’t far from where they are, and the
streets aren’t busy enough for it to be a long ride. Jeongguk still hopes that,
given their destination and the clearly distressed state that Taehyung is in, the
driver understands that they need to be there are fast as possible.

“Tae…” he starts. That’s all he says, but Taehyung understands.

“My mom’s in the hospital,” Taehyung replies, wiping his tears away with one of his
fingers. He chokes another sound, adding, “She’s had an overdose.”

Taehyung never talks much about his family. All that Jeongguk knew until now is
that his parents were divorced and they both lived in Seoul—that’s all. That’s why
this comes as a surprise, leaving Jeongguk speechless for a few minutes.
“Is she on medication?” Jeongguk asks, the only thing he can manage after opening
and closing his mouth a few times.

Taehyung sniffles. “She’s on medication, yeah.” Jeongguk swallows down thickly, not
knowing what to say. Breaking down again, Taehyung adds, “I just want her to be
okay. I don’t know if she’s going to be okay, and that’s so fucking scary.”

“Fuck,” Jeongguk replies. This time he doesn’t hesitate—he just pulls Taehyung in
for a hug, muffling another sob with his body. “Did they say anything? Is she
okay?”

“They didn’t say anything. Just that she had had an overdose and I should come
quickly,” Taehyung replies. “I’m so scared, Jeongguk. So, so scared.”

Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to promise Taehyung that
everything will be okay, that his mother will be fine, because there is a
possibility that that might just not happen. All he feels like he can do now is hug
Taehyung, show him he’s there for him. Speechless and rather useless, yes, but
Jeongguk is there. Unconditionally.

“Does it ever end?” Taehyung asks then, voice strained and croaky. Jeongguk frowns
in confusion, even if Taehyung can’t see him. “Do bad things ever stop happening?
Am I going to be sad forever?”

There is something about Taehyung’s words and how utterly broken he sounds when he
says them, forehead resting against Jeongguk’s shoulder. It makes Jeongguk’s own
eyes sting with unshed tears, but he blinks them away because he knows it’s not his
place to cry. Taehyung sounds so incredibly defeated, like what he’s facing is
bigger than he is, and it makes Jeongguk hurt.

“I can’t promise that it will stop, or that it will soon,” Jeongguk replies, not
wanting to make any empty promises that he won’t be able to keep. “But I want you
to know that no matter what, I will be here for you. It’s okay to be sad, or to
feel pain—it’s okay to feel like everything is crumbling on top of you sometimes. I
promise you I'll be there every single time. You won’t be alone.”

Taehyung lets out another cry, his fist clenching around the fabric of Jeongguk’s
jacket. Jeongguk’s heart shatters a little more, and this time around he finds
himself unable to stop himself from holding Taehyung a little tighter.

The rest of the ride there is only filled by the noises of Taehyung crying, even if
he eventually calms down until they turn into soft cries. He’s still sniffling
every once in a while, angrily rubbing at his eyes with his fists. When they get
there, Taehyung carelessly gives a couple of banknotes to the driver and tells him
to keep the change, even if it’s more than any tip would justify.

Jeongguk has to hurry to get out of the taxi and follow Taehyung outside. The night
is cold, but Jeongguk can’t say it really affects him as he chases after Taehyung,
who is running inside the hospital. Jeongguk has to dodge a few people as he
follows Taehyung into the reception, which is busier than Jeongguk was expecting at
this hour.

Taehyung is already talking to the lady at reception when Jeongguk gets there.
“It’s my mom,” he explains, his voice loud and making a few people turn to look at
him. “She’s had an overdose. Please—I need to see her now, I need to make sure
she’s alright.”

“I’m going to need you to give me your mother’s full name, sir,” the receptionist
tells him, looking at Taehyung with a worried expression on her face. Jeongguk
comes closer and places his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder, hoping that his touch is
enough to calm him down a little.

“Han Narae,” Taehyung replies, nervously drumming his fingers on top of the desk.
The woman starts typing on the desktop. “I got the call and came here as soon as I
could. I need to see her, please.”

“Your mother is having her stomach pumped right now,” the woman replies, looking at
her computer screen. Jeongguk lightly squeezes Taehyung’s shoulder. “You can’t see
her right now, but as soon as the procedure is complete and she’s settled into her
room we will let you know.”

“How long is that going to be?” Taehyung asks, clearly exasperated.

“Not long now,” the woman replies, vague. Taehyung sighs. “You can go to the
waiting room. The doctor will be with you as soon as you’re able to see her.”

“Okay, okay,” Taehyung replies, running a hand through his hair. “Thank you so
much.”

Taehyung turns around then, starting to walk to the waiting room. Jeongguk is
almost scared of how well Taehyung knows his way around, but he tries to tell
himself it’s not uncommon, right? He’s lived his whole life here in Seoul. Of
course he’d know how to navigate himself around the hospital.

It’s a short walk that they make in silence. The waiting room is rather full too,
but it’s strike and quiet. From where they sit, side by side, Jeongguk can see a
woman dozing off, her hands crossed over her chest. She’s not the only one—another
few people also seem to be napping, maybe after having waited for a little too
long.

Jeongguk tenses up a little when he feels the weight of Taehyung’s head on his
shoulder, but he tries his best not to move. Taehyung is not going to fall asleep,
Jeongguk knows that. He sees in the way his leg fidgets and how he plays with his
fingernails that nervousness will keep him awake, no doubt about it.

It feels like ages, but Jeongguk knows they’re not there for longer than an hour.
Every once in a while someone from the medical staff comes and calls the relatives
of a patient, every single time the person rushing to go there and listen to them.
Jeongguk holds his breath every time it happens, but is always disappointed—it’s
never Taehyung they’re calling.

That changes eventually. It’s a woman who enters the room this time, wearing a
white robe and holding her hair back into a ponytail. Glasses hang on her nose, and
she looks tired and has circles under her eyes. “Relatives of Han Narae?” she asks.

Taehyung jumps to his feet the moment he hears that, his weight and warmth suddenly
taken away from Jeongguk. “Me,” he says, starting to walk. He briefly turns around
to look at Jeongguk, saying, “Come.”

Jeongguk follows, surprised that Taehyung wants him to go with him, but he doesn’t
question it. He gets to his feet and walks behind Taehyung, walking outside the
room with the woman.

“Your name’s Taehyung, I’ve been told,” she says. Taehyung nods. “I’m Dr. Lee,
Taehyung. I’m the doctor that has been treating your mother. She’s completely out
of danger now, fortunately.”
“How is she? Can I see her now?” Taehyung asks, words fast and slurred against each
other.

“As I said your mom is safe now. She’s been through a gastric lavage and is now
stable, but she’s still asleep due to the sedatives we’ve given her,” the doctor
explains, her eyes meeting Taehyung’s. “You may see her now, but she won’t be awake
for a couple of hours.”

“Thank God,” Taehyung replies, voice breaking down again as he places his palms on
top of his chest. “So I can see her—where is she?”

“I’ll take you both to her room,” the doctor replies, her eyes landing on Jeongguk
briefly. “Come this way, please.”

They both follow the doctor, walking together in silence. As soon as they get to
the room Taehyung barges in, kneeling by his mother’s bed and taking her hand in
his. He kisses her palm, starting to mutter away as Jeongguk and the doctor stay by
the door. Jeongguk lowers his gaze, trying his best to not listen to what’s being
said—he doesn’t feel like it’s his place to.

“I love you so much, mom,” he does hear. “Please, don’t leave me—okay? I need you
here with me. Don’t leave me.”

Jeongguk hears Taehyung sniffle once again, and then he’s getting back on his feet
and walking back to the doctor and Jeongguk. He has shed a few tears again, his
lashes wet.

“As I said, she’s probably going to be asleep for a few more hours,” she repeats,
her tone soft. “If you notice anything is out of order or need any help, don’t
hesitate to call for me or any nurse.”

“Okay—thank you so much, Dr. Lee,” Taehyung tells her. “I’ll do just that, yeah.”

“Make sure to get some rest yourself,” she says, giving Taehyung a slight nod and
smile. With that, she leaves.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do now they’re here. He doesn’t want to overstay his
welcome now—it’s no longer visiting hours and he’s pretty certain only relatives
are allowed here, and he’s just… Taehyung’s friend. Plus, he’s not sure that
Taehyung wants him here anymore. He’s brought him here and waited for the longest
hours while he didn’t know the state his mother was in, but maybe now… well, maybe
Taehyung doesn’t want him here anymore.

“Hey, Taehyung,” he asks now that they’re alone. Taehyung’s eyes fall on him,
inquiring. “Do you, um—do you want me to stay the night? Or shall I leave to give
you some privacy?”

Taehyung looks at him for a few seconds, not saying anything. When he finally finds
his voice, he says, “You said I wouldn’t be alone.” Jeongguk’s lips part at that.
“I want you to stay. I know maybe you have somewhere to be tomorrow, or that maybe
you just don’t want to be here tonight, but…”

“Then I'll stay,” Jeongguk says. It’s firm and final, and so Taehyung just nods.

It’s an odd night. Jeongguk insists on Taehyung taking the big armchair by his
mother’s bed, and Jeongguk settles for a more uncomfortable chair by the wall. It’s
Taehyung’s mom, in the end. Every time Taehyung’s mother moves he sits up a little
straighter, but she doesn’t wake up. Jeongguk watches over Taehyung, but not once
does he close his eyes or look even close to falling asleep. Taehyung might not
talk much about his family, but after tonight Jeongguk has no doubt of how fiercely
protective he is of them and how much he loves them—at least his mom.

Taehyung doesn’t want to talk, and Jeongguk doesn’t make him do so. He waits there,
until he eventually falls asleep with his head against the wall, not the most
comfortable of positions. He wakes up a few hours later, just to find Taehyung
still awake. He’s hugging his knees now, and light is starting to filter in from
the window behind him. Jeongguk looks at his phone. Not only does he find out that
it’s almost seven in the morning, but he also sees an insane amount of texts and
calls from his friends.

Jeongguk lets out a groan as he sits up a bit straighter, looking down at his
phone. Where to begin?

“I asked Jimin to tell the rest where we are,” Taehyung says then, his voice
breaking the silence. Jeongguk looks at him and blinks a few times, trying to
adjust to the light. “He took care of it, but I was a bit late.”

“Thank you, Tae,” Jeongguk tells him. Taehyung smiles, tight-lipped. “How’s your
mom?”

“She was awake for a bit earlier, but she dozed off again,” Taehyung replies,
putting his feet back on the floor. There's a small smile dancing on his lips when
he says, “She said you’re a cute sleeper.”

Jeongguk feels his cheeks heat up at that, now realizing not only Taehyung but his
mother have seen him sleep. Probably with his mouth hanging open, looking like a
damn fool. God, he’s so embarrassed.

“Please,” is all he says, looking away. Taehyung’s laughter rings in his ears then,
deep and soft. It doesn’t sound as carefree as it usually does, but it’s a start.
“She doesn’t mean that.”

“She does, and I do as well,” Taehyung replies, standing up and walking towards
Jeongguk. Jeongguk does the same, standing up as well. “How are you feeling?”

“Decent,” Jeongguk replies. The truth is that he’s not very well-rested and his
body and neck ache from the awkward position he’s been in for the last few hours.
He doesn’t tell Taehyung that, since Taehyung doesn’t need to know or worry about
the state that Jeongguk might be in. He’s not the priority here, so he won’t make
himself one. “How are _you_ feeling?”

“I’m tired,” Taehyung replies. The truth is that he looks it—his eyes swollen and
red, dark circles surrounding them. “Thanks for being here with me tonight,
Jeongguk. It was good to have someone by my side.”

“Of course,” Jeongguk replies. He wishes he could tell Taehyung about how he
wouldn’t be anywhere else but here, loving him and taking care of him in the best
way he could. But Taehyung doesn’t care about his devotion, so Jeongguk keeps it to
himself. “I’m glad things are okay now.”

Taehyung nods, grinning a little. The light coming from the window surrounds him,
making him look like an angel. That’s the first thing that Jeongguk ever thought
about Taehyung, one that became a recurring thought. He’s definitely as beautiful
as one, and the chance he’s had of meeting him and getting to know him makes
Jeongguk feel as special as he’d feel if he had seen an angel in the flesh.

But tonight has taught Jeongguk something—one thing that he failed to realize,
blinded by his own reverence to Taehyung. Taehyung is not an angel. Taehyung is
human. Watching Taehyung cry his heart out in the taxi reminded Jeongguk of that.
Taehyung is just like him; he's strong and fragile at the same time, with feelings
and emotions that are as ruthless and overwhelming as Jeongguk’s own. Thinking of
Taehyung as an angel… Maybe it’s not the wisest thing to do. Taehyung is
wonderfully and tragically human, with all the bliss and the pain that it brings.
He doesn’t deserve to be stripped of that humanity.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night and brought you all the way here with me,” Taehyung
replies. Jeongguk is about to protest, but Taehyung beats him to it, “But I’m glad
it was you here with me. You can go home now—I got this.”

Jeongguk gives Taehyung one sharp nod. As much as he would like to be here with
Taehyung, he knows better than to overstay his welcome. Taehyung’s mother will
probably wake up again soon, and then the two of them will probably like some
intimacy and time for themselves. It’s not Jeongguk’s place to be.

“I’ll get going now, then,” he replies, feeling the pocket of his jacket to make
sure that both his wallet and phone are there. “Let me… let me know how everything
goes and how she is.”

“Of course,” Taehyung replies. He gestures with his arm to the door, inviting
Jeongguk to start walking, and so Taehyung follows.

Taehyung walks him to the door, opening it for him and following Jeongguk to the
corridor. Once they’re there, Jeongguk turns back around to look at Taehyung.

“Don’t worry too much about it, yeah? I was here because I wanted to be. It’s no
bother to me,” he says, hoping Taehyung believes his words.

“I still want to thank you,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk laughs, shaking his head. “So…
hug?”

Jeongguk nods, replying, “Hug. Come here.” Taehyung takes one step closer, then
two. Jeongguk opens his arms and allows Taehyung to come closer, wrapping his arms
around Jeongguk’s body and pulling him into a tight hug. Warm and soft, just like
Taehyung himself is.

“Thank you again,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk squeezes Taehyung a little tighter.
“You’re so good to me, Jeongguk.”

“You deserve people to be good to you,” Jeongguk replies, which makes Taehyung
scoff. “I mean it.”

“Go home, okay?” Taehyung says, starting to pull back. Taehyung flicks Jeongguk’s
chin, when he does, taking one step back and getting closer to the door. “Get some
rest, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk nods, walking down the corridor. He doesn’t look back, but he knows
Taehyung is watching him—he feels the weight of his eyes on him, and he doesn’t
hear the door click open.

He doesn’t look back, though. He walks out of the hospital and then home, the cold
of the morning making him wake up a little more.

Jeongguk doesn’t think about last night—he doesn’t want to. It’s not fair for him
to speculate about what he thinks happened to Taehyung’s mother, or what he thinks
Taehyung’s family life is like. He’s exhausted enough that once he gets into bed
and closes his eyes, he falls asleep right away without his mind wandering to
dangerous places.
What he knows is that he needs to talk to Taehyung. Even if all that comes out from
that conversation is Taehyung telling him to mind his own business, Jeongguk knows
he has to ask.

“Hey, Jeongguk,” Yoongi asks. They’re both trying to study in Yoongi’s living room
one afternoon, silence reigning between them. “Where did you and Taehyung go on
Friday?”

“Jimin didn’t tell you?” Jeongguk asks, frowning a bit. When Taehyung said that
Jimin would take care of it, Jeongguk assumed it’d mean he’d tell everyone about
their whereabouts. Now that Jeongguk thinks about it coolly, he sees why Taehyung
would maybe be more reserved about their whereabouts.

Yoongi nods. “He just said that you and Taehyung had left together, and asked us
not to worry.” Jeongguk nods at that. “So where were you?”

“Taehyung had a family emergency and I went with him so he could take care of it,”
Jeongguk knows he’s being vague, he does, but he’s doing it on purpose. It’s not a
matter that is his to tell, or to discuss.

“I see, then,” Yoongi says. Of course, he understands—he sees that Jeongguk was
intentionally being ambiguous, and doesn’t ask further. “Is everything okay? Is he
okay?”

Jeongguk gives himself a second to reply—he thinks of Taehyung shaking as he spoke

on the phone, crying in the taxi. But he also thinks about his assertiveness as he
walked into the hospital, and how he stayed up all night watching over his mother.

“He’s okay,” Jeongguk replies, no hint of doubt in his voice. “Taehyung is okay.”

Jeongguk waits for two, three, four tones for Taehyung to pick up, phone pressed to
his ear. He’s almost about to give up when Taehyung answers.

“Hello?” he calls. His voice is slightly distorted because of the phone but it’s
still him.

“Hey, Tae,” Jeongguk greets. “Can we talk?”

Jeongguk knows through Taehyung’s texts that his mom is back home already, and
Taehyung has been taking care of her these past few days. That’s why Taehyung has
been absent for the last few days, only talking to Jeongguk and the rest of his
friends through occasional texts.

“Of course we can,” Taehyung says. “Where?”

“At mine.”
“Later today?”

“Later today, yeah.”

“I’ll see you soon then,” Taehyung says.

“See you later, Tae.”

“Bye, Jeongguk. See you.”

With that, Taehyung hangs up. Jeongguk looks down at his phone screen. Thirty-two
seconds—that’s how long the call was.

Short, but enough. Enough to hear Taehyung’s voice, and enough to arrange a
meeting.

Taehyung and Jeongguk sit across from each other, both cross-legged on the couch.
Taehyung’s hair is flat and straight today, and for the first time since they've
known each other, Jeongguk can spot the black roots in his hair. For some reason,
it makes him smile.

“So,” Taehyung replies, shifting a little. When he moves a little closer, his knees
bump against Jeongguk’s legs. “What did you want to talk about?”

That’s Taehyung—concise and straight to the point. He’s way too impatient to wait
around, try to make small talk until Jeongguk manages to pluck up the courage to
ask the question. In a way, Jeongguk is grateful for that. With Taehyung asking him
questions such as this, Jeongguk doesn’t have the time to hide behind meaningless
conversation.

“Just—you don’t have to reply,” Jeongguk starts, trying to make sure Taehyung knows
he’s not under the obligation to reply to any questions. After all, it’s Taehyung
who doesn’t talk much about his family. It makes Jeongguk wonder if he should just
forget it and not ask at all, but part of him wants Taehyung to know that he cares.

“That makes it seem like you’re going to ask something terrible,” Taehyung says,
giving him a crooked smile. “Come on, ask away. What are you curious about?”

Jeongguk opens his mouth, but no words come out. He doesn’t find his words, unable
to formulate the question in a way he talks. He sighs, aware of Taehyung looking at
him with attention.

“I guess I just want to know about your family,” Jeongguk ends up saying, his hand
going up to his neck and scratching. “I don’t know much about them, other than your
parents not being together anymore, and I… I don’t know. Maybe I’m asking too
much?”

Taehyung bites on the inside of his cheek. “It’s not too much to know,” Taehyung
reassures. He sighs, then says, “My parents… they split up when I was thirteen. My
mom found out that my father was cheating back then, but she didn’t leave him then.
She begged him to stay—it was him who decided that… he didn’t want to be with her
anymore.”
“Did it go on for long?”

“His affair?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk nods. “A few years, I think. He kicked my
mother out of our family home and brought his new girlfriend to live with us—the
woman that he was cheating on my mom with. I lived with them for a couple of
months, but as soon as the school year ended I asked to move out with my mom. I
couldn’t stand it.”

“And your mom…?” Jeongguk asks.

“My mom has some issues,” Taehyung replies, picking at his own fingernails. “She
didn’t do it on purpose—she wasn’t trying to hurt herself the other day. But with
the pills… it got out of hand. But it was an accident.”

Jeongguk swallows down. It’s obvious to him that this is not something that
Taehyung wants to talk about, so he’s not going to push it any further. He got an
answer, didn’t he? Now he understands, as brief as Taehyung’s explanation was.

“I’m sorry, Tae,” Jeongguk replies.

“Don’t be sorry. Just give me a hug,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk does just that,
leaning forward and letting Taehyung engulf him into a tight hug. “Dramatic story
is out of the way now. What’s yours?”

“I don’t think I have one,” Jeongguk replies, relieved when he hears Taehyung’s
laughter. “I’m a pretty bland and average person. Boring. Average family life. ”

“Jeongguk!” Taehyung scolds, pulling back. “You’re not bland or boring. You’re not
average.”

Taehyung looks into his eyes as he says that, and for some reason, Jeongguk feels
like… Taehyung really means it. Like, when Taehyung utters those words with his
eyes on Jeongguk’s, he doesn’t do so to comfort Jeongguk. He does so because he has
utter conviction in what he’s saying.

“So what am I?” Jeongguk asks. For some reason, his chest feels… tight.

“You’re special, Jeongguk,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk swallows down. “You’re the most
special boy I’ve ever met.”

Jeongguk has always felt a bit skeptical of friends with benefits situations. From
what he saw thanks to Namjoon and Yoongi, despite being convenient at first they
always manage to turn into something complicated. When he met Taehyung, that
perception didn’t change. Jeongguk feels the same way, he just feels able to make
an exception for Taehyung.

Of course, there’s also the _benefits_ part. Jeongguk always identified that wish
sex, which is of course true, but not only that. He and Taehyung hang out, stay the
night sometimes, eat together. They’re _friends_ before they’re friends with
benefits. Jeongguk would be sad to know that Taehyung didn’t think of them as more
than just sex, but…
The sex is good. The sex is _amazing_. It makes Jeongguk’s eyes roll to the back of
his head, it makes him rejoice and love the feeling of Taehyung’s fingernails
digging in his skin. Sometimes, he manages to have Taehyung on his back, legs
parted as Jeongguk lies between them and kisses and bites on his thighs. During
those times, Taehyung’s fingers tangle in Jeongguk’s hair and pull, the whines and
moans that Taehyung lets out filling the room.

It’s what happens because of them having sex so many times—they learn each other’s
bodies. Jeongguk has learned how to push Taehyung’s buttons, how to make him come
undone under his hands. With his eyes closed, he feels like he can remember every
single curve and angle of Taehyung’s body. It’s the same with Taehyung: he also
always manages to make Jeongguk sigh and writhe under his touch.

Today is one of those days where Jeongguk gets to have his way with Taehyung.
They’ve been at the latter’s apartment all day, ever since Jeongguk got out of
class and he made his way to Taehyung’s after being asked through a text. Jeongguk
knows he should probably be doing uni work, but right now he feels unable to give
this up—Taehyung’s kisses and the way their bare skin feels against each other.
Jeongguk feels high on it.

Taehyung’s fingers brush his hair, placing a loose strand behind his ear. Of
course, it’s not long enough—it immediately falls back over his forehead, which
makes Taehyung smile into the kiss. Jeongguk’s lips brush against Taehyung’s teeth,
but Jeongguk doesn’t find it… inconvenient. He likes it. God, he’s come to love
kissing Taehyung’s smile.

“Such good hair,” Taehyung replies, his fingers tangling in Jeongguk’s hair and
pulling lightly. Jeongguk groans lightly, unable to keep the smile off his face.
“You should grow it out. You’d look good with longer hair.”

“My mom would disagree with that,” Jeongguk replies, surging forward for another
kiss. Taehyung laughs a little, muffled by Jeongguk’s lips. “She’d have a stroke if
I grew it any longer than this.”

“No, no, no,” Taehyung replies. His fingers massage Jeongguk’s scalp again, making
him close his eyes as he lies on top of Taehyung. “Not to disrespect your mom, but
she’s not right. Imagine this—bit longer, and curly… Fuck, you should definitely do
that.”

Jeongguk laughs again, partially because of Taehyung’s words and partially because
of how pleased with himself he sounds. “Enough talking about my mom,” Jeongguk
replies, between chuckles. “Pay attention to _me_.”

His words earn him a light, playful slap on his naked ass, Taehyung giggling as he
spanks him. “All of my attention is on you,” he says. Jeongguk hums, moving down to
kiss at his neck. With a pleased sound, Taehyung throws back his head and adds,
“Always.”

“Always on me?” Jeongguk asks, his hands tickling Taehyung’s sides.

“Always,” Taehyung confirms, followed by a deep sigh. Jeongguk keeps kissing at the
skin on his neck, sucking on it and occasionally nibbling. “Are you going for
another round, huh?”

“I’m insatiable,” Jeongguk says, kissing the words into Taehyung’s neck. As a
reaction, Taehyung just laughs, letting himself be kissed. Jeongguk can feel him
arch his back under him, seeking closeness. “And also, I want you bad. All the
time.”
“Then take me,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk pulls back a little, locking eyes. With
one eyebrow raised, Taehyung challenges, “Don’t you want me bad? Then take me. I
want you to.”

Jeongguk ducks down again, pulling Taehyung in for a kiss again. This time around
it’s not soft and playful like before—it’s more eager. Jeongguk kisses Taehyung
with intent, and even if Taehyung still smiles against his lips, Jeongguk knows
that it’s not because of laughter now. This is another side of Taehyung that he’s
come to know and, why not say it, love. The seductive one—the one that has Jeongguk
on his knees before him with just one smile.

This time around, Taehyung’s palms cup Jeongguk’s face. Their lips move against
each other with urgency, both of them needy. It’s embarrassing to Jeongguk how
after just a few kisses he feels himself start to get hard. However, pressed up
against his thigh is the proof that it happens to the both of them—he feels
Taehyung harden against his leg, and so he moves his thigh, eliciting a moan from
him.

“So good,” he says, words whispered against Taehyung’s lips. Taehyung chases his
lips when he does so, pulling Jeongguk in for another kiss, and it’s the way in
which Taehyung can’t get enough of his mouth that has Jeongguk’s stomach twisting
pleasurably. “God, Taehyung.”

“I want you to do anything you want to do to me,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk’s fingers
clench around Taehyung’s hips—there’s so much he wants to do, so many ways in which
he wants to touch Taehyung’s body and make him feel _good_.

“Is that so?” Jeongguk asks. Taehyung nods with a hum, his thighs squeezing
Jeongguk’s body tight. “Can I have you on your hands and knees for me, then?”

“Hands and knees, huh?” Taehyung asks, raising his eyebrow. Jeongguk pulls back as
he does so, allowing Taehyung to flip himself around. With a look to Jeongguk over
his shoulder, Taehyung asks, “Like this?”

“Perfect like this,” he says, watching the way Taehyung stands in front of him on
all fours. Jeongguk’s mouth almost waters like this, seeing Taehyung exposed and
vulnerable for him. He feels the need to brush his hand against the back of
Taehyung’s thighs, cup his asscheeks and spread them apart. “You look hot.”

“I better be looking like the hottest thing alive right now,” Taehyung says,
lowering himself to his forearms. Like this, his back arches prettily, which makes
it harder for Jeongguk to hold himself back from leaning down, his mouth craving
something different. “So, what’s on your mind then?”

“I wanna eat you out,” Jeongguk says. “Is that okay?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen a little, but he nods immediately. “Yes,” he says. “Yeah,
it’s more than okay.”

“Good,” Jeongguk replies.

That’s all he says before leaning in, his hands again spreading Taehyung’s cheeks
apart. His first lick is a broad strip, all the way down from Taehyung’s balls to
his hole. It’s slow, and it makes Taehyung gasp audibly. Jeongguk can’t help but
tighten his fingers around Taehyung’s flesh, kneading it in his hands.

They’ve done this before, of course they have. Every single time it earns Jeongguk
the same kind of reaction from Taehyung. He moans loudly, tightens his hands around
the bed sheets and breathes Jeongguk’s name.
And Jeongguk—Jeongguk loves it as much as Taehyung himself does, if not more. He
loves it because he loves ass, and he loves getting his mouth on Taehyung. But also
because making Taehyung feel good and writhe in pleasure drives him crazy in a way
pleasuring anyone else never did. Jeongguk has always been generous, but now… Being
with Taehyung has shown him that there is as much pleasure in giving as there is in
receiving, and he loves that.

He flicks his tongue against Taehyung’s hole, circling around his rim at the same
time he holds Taehyung’s legs apart with his hands. Taehyung’s body reacts to him
so deliciously strongly—he presses himself back against Jeongguk’s mouth, eager to
get his tongue deeper inside him. He wants more, more, more—more from Jeongguk. And
Jeongguk wants to give him absolutely everything.

Blindly and without pulling back, he manages to find the bottle of lube that they
had used before. It got lost in between the sheets, but luckily for Jeongguk he
manages to find it like this. He clumsily squeezes some on his hand, then drops it
back on the mattress.

His fingers are now coated with lube, and so he brings them to Taehyung’s rim. He
pulls back a little, his tongue leaving Taehyung, but in exchange he feels his rim
with one finger. Taehyung hisses.

“Oh, fuck, Jeongguk,” he says, violently jerking back. Jeongguk feels heat lick at
his stomach, still amazed that he gets to have Taehyung like this. He gets to have
Taehyung give himself to him, to see his flushed red cheeks and tangled hair. “Put
it in.”

Jeongguk’s eyes leave Taehyung’s rim, lingering over his body before they get to
his face. He smiles a little, almost teasing. “Here?” he asks, putting a little
more pressure. Taehyung stills and sucks in a breath, feeling the slick tip of
Jeongguk’s finger brush against his hole.

“Yes, yes, where the fuck els— _fuck_ ,” Taehyung says, interrupting himself when
Jeongguk begins to push his finger inside. “Feels good.”

Jeongguk thrusts his finger fully inside, starting to move it inside of Taehyung.
As much as he wants to make this last, he is impatient, and so is Taehyung. It’s
not long before Taehyung is asking for more—more fingers, faster, just more.

They go fast. Jeongguk snakes his hand around Taehyung’s body and holds his dick in
his hand, jerking him off fast as he fingers him. It makes Taehyung moan loudly as
he wrinkles the sheets in his fists, desperate. One finger turned into two, and
then three as Jeongguk thrusts them in and out of Taehyung.

“What do you want, Tae?” Jeongguk asks, his breath heavy and hot against Taehyung’s
ear. It makes Taehyung falter, his ass bucking back against Jeongguk’s hand. “Tell
me.”

“You,” Taehyung replies. He looks back a little, eyes meeting Jeongguk’s. “I want
you _now_ , Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk clenches his jaw. “Yes, yes, yes,” he says, more to himself than to
Taehyung. “Condoms. Where—”

“The bedside table. You know where,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk knows, of course he
does. Silly of him to ask. “Hurry, Gukkie.”

He’s clumsy. He is clumsy as he leans forward and fishes one condom from the
bedside table, and his fingers are clumsy as they try to rip the packet open. He’s
not nervous—not anymore. His hands no longer shake at the thought of being inside
Taehyung, nor is there a big lump in his throat. That doesn’t mean he’s
anticipating it any less. Jeongguk isn’t nervous but he is eager. Eager to give
Taehyung what they both want, eager for Taehyung himself.

He snaps out of his gaze, puts the condom on. And then, before he can stop himself,
he asks, “Can you look at me?”

There’s a pause—Taehyung moves then, sitting on the mattress. Jeongguk swallows

down, afraid he’s somehow managed to do something wrong. And then, Taehyung tilts
his head to look at him. Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat.

“You want to look at me while you fuck me?” he asks. Maybe it’s in Jeongguk’s mind,
but he swears his voice lowers at that. It’s not a whisper, but it’s definitely
hushed.

Jeongguk nods. “I want to see you,” he says. Maybe it’s too sappy of him and too
sappy for Taehyung. Maybe Taehyung won’t want to. But Jeongguk wants to see _him_ ,
look into his eyes, and fall in love a little more. Fall in love with Taehyung, but
also fall in love with them and who they are together.

“Okay, yes, yes,” Taehyung says. He gets on his back, curls his arms around
Jeongguk’s neck as he pulls him in and says, “Come on, Guk.”

And really, Jeongguk has been in between Taehyung’s legs a lot in the last couple
of months. It shouldn’t feel any different, but it does. Taehyung lies on his back
and locks eyes with him as Jeongguk reaches down for his own cock. Without looking
away from Taehyung’s face for one second, Jeongguk guides himself to Taehyung’s
entrance.

Taehyung doesn’t gasp, but Jeongguk spots his Adam’s apple bobbing down as he
swallows thickly. Then, a nod. _I’m ready_ , Jeongguk reads. That’s all he needs
before pushing inside.

Like this, Jeongguk can see Taehyung’s expression contort in pleasure as he slides
inside. It’s not particularly slow—he doesn’t go inch by inch. Taehyung’s warmth
and tightness engulfs him, making Jeongguk hold on tight to Taehyung’s hips to keep
himself from thrusting inside him harshly. It makes him go crazy, the feeling of
Taehyung around him.

“So good,” Taehyung mumbles, almost to himself. He frowns a little, a thin line
appearing between his furrowed brows. “I love your cock, fuck.”

Jeongguk has never been arrogant, nor does he consider himself to be full of
himself. However, he must admit that Taehyung’s words make him feel a little cocky.
He loves to be able to have this effect on Taehyung, to be capable of leaving him
at a loss for words like that.

And, well—he looks stunning. When does he not, really? But this has to be one of
Jeongguk’s favorites, because it’s so stripped back, and raw, and just _them_. Some
of Taehyung’s hair sticks to his forehead with sweat, and his eyes look glassy and
blown. He looks fucked out already, and Jeongguk is sure he does as well. This is
what sex between them does to the two of them. Jeongguk has never had it like this
with anyone before, and he doubts he ever will.

“Baby,” Jeongguk says, before he can stop himself. Taehyung’s eyes are still on
his, brown and so fucking inviting. Taehyung’s mouth parts, and something inside
Jeongguk makes him repeat, “Baby.”
And Taehyung doesn’t complain. He _moans_ , almost so brokenly it makes Jeongguk
have to hold back the urge to bend down and kiss him. He thrusts inside Taehyung
instead, prolonging the moan into a longer one. Taehyung’s eyes flutter closed, his
teeth digging on his bottom lip as he tries to quiet himself.

“Yes,” he says. His hands grip at the pillow under his head, back arching prettily.
“Yes, yes—Jeongguk. Fuck.”

Jeongguk lets himself lean forward, almost lying on top of Taehyung, but holding
his weight up with one of his arms. His other hand goes down to Taehyung’s hips,
holding them—he likes feeling the skin there, soft and tender.

It can’t only be Jeongguk that feels like this. It can’t only be Jeongguk whose
heart swells once Taehyung’s eyes flutter closed and their gazes meet. Jeongguk
lets out a breathy sound against Taehyung’s lips, at the same time Taehyung lets go
of the pillow with one hand and touches Jeongguk’s cheek.

“So fucking good, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says, voice deep and shaky. “Kiss me.
Jeongguk, kiss me.”

He always loves the way in which Taehyung says his name. It sounds far better than
usual in Taehyung’s mouth, and his lips look almost hypnotic as they utter the two
syllables. During sex, that perception of Jeongguk’s is heightened. He would die
just to listen to Taehyung pronounce his name like this. God, he really would give
him anything.

Which is exactly why he leans forward and grants Taehyung’s wish, connecting their
lips in a kiss. Taehyung gasps into it, welcoming Jeongguk’s mouth on his own.
Their lips dance with each other, and then Taehyung’s tongue slips into his mouth
and curls against Jeongguk’s own.

Jeongguk lets himself get lost in the wonder that Taehyung and his kisses are. He
lets his hand wander, feeling Taehyung’s chest under his palm, then his abdomen,
then his hips. He brushes over Taehyung’s dick, jerks him off lightly and makes
Taehyung buck into his fist and bite down on his bottom lip a little. While he does
that, he reminds himself to angle his hips, looking for something.

And when he finds it, he _knows_.

He knows because of the way that Taehyung grunts, at the same time he clenches
around him. He knows because he’s mastering Taehyung’s body and his reactions, and
because their bodies have gotten used to each other like this. Jeongguk is so deep
inside of Taehyung when he hits his prostate, and the knowledge that he’s found
Taehyung’s sweet spot only makes him thrust with renewed vigor into that same spot.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk pulls back a little, just so he can see
Taehyung’s expression. His red lips and wide eyes make Jeongguk _shiver_.
“Jeongguk, I—”

“Tell me,” Jeongguk begs, desperate to hear more. “Tae, tell me.”

Taehyung lets out a shaky breath, his thighs squeezing Jeongguk’s body between
them. His hand goes to his own chest, covering Jeongguk’s palm that rests there.
“I’m gonna come,” Taehyung says, shaky. “I’m going to—oh, fuck.”

Jeongguk moans, the feeling of Taehyung’s walls around his cock starting to become
_too much_.
“You’re so damn perfect,” Jeongguk babbles before he can stop himself. “So perfect
and good, God.”

Taehyung’s head rolls back, eyes shutting. “My Jeonggukie,” Taehyung moans then,
his hand squeezing Jeongguk’s wrist. His words have Jeongguk’s heart doing
cartwheels inside his chest. “Oh, Jeongguk, I—I’m going to come.”

“Come for me,” Jeongguk encourages, still relentlessly thrusting against Taehyung's
spot. “Come on, baby. Come for me.”

Taehyung moans at that, again clenching around Jeongguk. It takes a few more
thrusts from Jeongguk to make him come all over himself, untouched. The thought of
making Taehyung come like that makes Jeongguk’s spin, and added to the feeling of
Taehyung tightly clenching around him, brings him closer and closer to the edge.
It’s not long until he spills inside the condom as well, body going limp.

And after that they fall into silence. The moans and low groans, along with the
creaking of the mattress, are replaced by their heavy breathing. Jeongguk buries
his face into Taehyung’s sweaty neck, burrowing himself in the warmth.

He’s so stupidly in love with Taehyung that he thinks his own feelings are playing
mind tricks on him. Jeongguk has done a decent amount of fucking—not as much as TV
makes one think they will have during college, but still decent. He’s also done a
decent amount of fucking _with Taehyung_. But this feels different.

Jeongguk pulls back, looks at Taehyung. He watches him pant, watches the strong
lines of his jaw and nose. “Taehyung…” he calls.

Taehyung blinks his eyes open, looks down at him. “Jeonggukie,” he replies. One of
his hands moves to Jeongguk’s mouth, one index being placed against Jeongguk’s
lips. “Shush, Jeonggukie.”

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung, then swallows his words down. Maybe it’s best not to
say anything.

He buries his face into Taehyung’s neck once again, the hand that squeezes his
heart back. It’s just too much. It’s the way in which Taehyung looked at him, or
the way he called him _his_ Jeonggukie, or the way that Jeongguk placed his hand on
Taehyung’s chest while bringing him to orgasm. It’s in how Jeongguk called him
baby, and Taehyung liked it.

Jeongguk doesn’t think he’s fucking. Jeongguk feels like they just made love. But
of course, for Taehyung, it could never be that.

Jeongguk considers himself a pretty deep sleeper. There is not much that can wake
him once he’s in deep slumber, apart from the strident and obnoxious sound of his
alarm clock. Phone alarms don’t work, neither does music.

The sound of Taehyung’s clanging pots in his kitchen, however, apparently do the
trick.

Jeongguk wakes up disoriented, especially when he realizes this is not his bed that
he’s in. He looks around himself before finally coming to the realization that it’s
Taehyung’s bedroom that he’s in, his state of alarm fading away.

And then the sound of a pot catches his attention again, coming from the kitchen. “
_Shit_ ,” he hears someone say, soon realizing it’s Taehyung’s deep, gravelly
morning voice.

Jeongguk sits up on the bed, reaching for his phone on the bedside table. It’s two
in the morning, an hour at which it doesn’t make much sense for there to be noises
coming from somewhere in Taehyung’s apartment. Jeongguk rubs his eye, considering
what to do, but the choice quickly makes itself. Naturally, he gets out of the bed
and puts his underwear back on, looking for Taehyung.

As Jeongguk suspected, he finds Taehyung in the kitchen. He didn’t know what he was
waiting for, but what he finds… Well, it’s Taehyung. Reality beats whatever
Jeongguk’s imagination can fathom by a thousand, whenever it comes to Taehyung.

Taehyung is shirtless, only has some sweatpants on. Jeongguk can see the cable of
some headphones go from Taehyung’s phone, in the pocket of his sweatpants, to his
ears. He bounces from one foot to the other, to the rhythm of some music that
Jeongguk can’t hear. He rests by the door frame and crosses his arms over his
chest, a fond smile appearing on his face. On the counter there’s flour, eggs, milk
—is Taehyung…?

“Kim Taehyung,” he calls. The music was low enough for Taehyung to hear, and so he
turns around startled. “Are you perhaps making pancakes at two in the morning?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen dramatically, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
He pulls one of his earphones out, saying, “Maybe.”

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung’s face, then down at the bowl that he’s holding against
his bare chest. Inside, Jeongguk can see the batter he’s making, getting ready for
the pancakes. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip.

And, again, the choice makes itself.

“Can I join?” he asks.

Taehyung’s smile draws itself on his face slowly, making Jeongguk’s heart flutter.
“Of course. Come here.”

(Both Jeongguk and Taehyung have early classes tomorrow, and they’re likely not to
get much sleep now. Staying up is probably the dumbest choice, Jeongguk knows. But
as dumb as it is, it’s not a bad one, and Jeongguk doesn’t regret it. How could he,
when he gets to dance with Taehyung in his kitchen while making pancakes at two in
the morning? How could he, when his heart is screaming at him that he’s doing the
right thing?)

The night Namjoon and Yoongi announce they’re official, both of them have a
permanent blush on their cheeks for the entire evening. Jeongguk watches with
curious eyes as Namjoon clings to Yoongi, Yoongi’s hand placed carefully on top of
Namjoon’s. They’re both shy, it’s easy to tell. Everyone sneaks glances at them
because even if it was known by everyone that they’d come to this point, they now
want to see if anything is different. They’re _boyfriends_ now, not friends with
benefits.

Jeongguk doesn’t see much of a difference, apart from their PDA being somehow
bolder. Namjoon smiles at Yoongi like he’s the best thing to happen to him, and
Yoongi looks at Namjoon like he’s the only person in the world—but that’s the same
as always.

Namjoon and Yoongi both turn around startled, looking at Taehyung when the flash of
a camera shocks them. Before either of them have time to react, Taehyung is turning
around and leaving, a smile on his face and his camera in his hands.

“Taehyung!” Namjoon calls, tensing up a little. His blush deepens now, but he
doesn’t move away from Yoongi.

Taehyung doesn’t reply—he just laughs and moves back to where he was sitting.
Jeongguk finds himself smiling at the whole interaction, his eyes on Taehyung.

There’s not much of a difference between how Namjoon and Yoongi interact with each
other, now that they’re boyfriends and not friends with benefits. Jeongguk can’t
help but wonder if, in his and Taehyung’s case, things wouldn’t change too much
either.

_“Hey, hyung,” Jeongguk asks. “Do you believe in love?”_

_Jeongguk’s brother, Jeonghyun, turns to look at him. He arches an eyebrow, as if

he were wondering how such a random thought crossed Jeongguk’s mind. The truth is,
he’s been wondering these days. There’s this guy from school that Jeongguk likes,
although he’s pretty sure it’s not love. He still wants to ask, to know what
Jeonghyun thinks. He’s older, and probably more experienced. They don’t talk a lot
about that, but…_

_“I do believe in love, yeah,” Jeonghyun replies. “Don’t you?”_

_“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love,” Jeongguk replies, followed
by a shrug._

_“Neither have I but I still believe it’s real,” Jeonghyun says. “For example—mom
and dad. They’re very much in love, aren’t they?”_

_Jeongguk takes a moment to think about his parents and their gentle love—about how
they take care of each other, and how they have for the last twenty years._

_“I do think they’re in love, yeah,” Jeongguk replies. He swallows done. “I hope I
can have that too.”_

_Jeonghyun smiles. “I’m sure you will, little guy,” he says. “I have no doubt you
will.”_

“Taehyung, do you believe in love?”

Jeongguk has asked this question before. He asked it to Jeonghyun, when they were
teenagers. Jeongguk was thirteen at the time and didn’t have much understanding of
what love was, nor what it meant to be in a relationship. It’s not like Jeonghyun
knew much more than him, only two years older than Jeongguk, but at the time he
seemed so knowledgeable and experienced to Jeongguk.

To Eunwoo, he asked her about love at first sight. It’s not quite the same and
believing in one doesn’t imply believing in the other, but from her answer,
Jeongguk knew what he thought about the question he didn’t ask. Eunwoo doesn’t
believe in love at first sight but she, without a doubt, believes in love.

Now, Jeongguk wants to know what Taehyung thinks. His opinion on the matter is more
important to Jeongguk than anyone else’s. Not because Jeongguk holds Taehyung’s
opinion to a higher value than others’, but because it’s Taehyung that Jeongguk is
in love with. Not Eunwoo or anyone else for that matter. It’s Taehyung.

They’re lying on the bed, the covers up to their waists and covering their naked
bodies. Taehyung has one arm behind his head, resting on it. When he hears
Jeongguk, he doesn’t look at him right away. His eyes stay on the ceiling for a
couple of seconds, as he thinks of an answer.

He looks at Jeongguk, and says, “No, I don’t.”

Jeongguk knows heartbreak, he doesn’t have a doubt about it. He knows the feeling
in his chest whenever he remembers that he and Taehyung are just friends and
Taehyung doesn’t want them to be more than that. He knows the feeling whenever he
is reminded of Jisung’s existence, the fact that there is someone else who has
Taehyung like this. He tries not to think too much about it, especially about the
second part, but it’s hard. The pain is stinging and sharp, straight in his chest.

But this… Jeongguk has been hurting for long because Taehyung didn’t love him back.
How is he supposed to take the news that Taehyung doesn’t even believe in love? Is
it supposed to be a consolation or should it make him hurt more? Judging by the way
his chest feels now, Jeongguk thinks that the latter is happening.

He’s frozen for a moment, but then manages to snap out of it and ask, “Why? Why
not?”

“You know about my dad cheating,” Taehyung replies, with a sigh. Jeongguk’s eyes
widen a little. “I used to believe my parents were in love. My mom devoted herself
to him, and he was always… kind, affectionate, I would even say loving. But as soon
as she found out… Everything was screaming, and fights, and crying. And then my dad
asked my mother to leave and… he was so cold, you know? I wondered how anyone could
ever do that to someone they love.”

Jeongguk stays silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. He knows Taehyung
doesn’t usually like to talk about this stuff, but it’s him who brought it up,
right? He could have left it at _because of what happened between my parents_ , but
he chose to explain. Jeongguk doesn’t know if that means whether he’s allowed to
ask further or not, so he knows he has to choose his words wisely.

“So you believe he didn’t?” he asks.

“Maybe at some point he thought he did. I don’t doubt that, you know,” Taehyung
says. “I don’t doubt that he did for years. Hell—I don’t doubt he felt affection.
What I don’t believe in is the concept of love that everyone has.”

“Can you elaborate?” Jeongguk asks.

“Eternal love. Unconditional love. Honest love. Blind love,” Taehyung replies. “My
mom loved my father, but my father didn’t love her. He cheated on her and after she
found out, kicked her out, threatening to take me away from her if she didn’t
leave. She had no home, nowhere to go. My family is from Daegu, you know? Both my
father and mom. They moved here because my father got a job at a big corporation.
My mother left her life and home for him, yet he couldn’t even love her back.”

“But that’s not everyone, Tae,” Jeongguk replies, softly. “It’s what you’ve seen,
and that’s… that’s terrible. I’m not trying to invalidate you or what you and your
mother have gone through, but there’s more to love.”

“I had a boyfriend when I was in high school. It was after my parents split up,”
Taehyung starts telling him. “Do you know why we broke up?”

Jeongguk thinks he already knows the answer. Regardless, he asks, “Why?”

“Because he cheated on me, Jeongguk. Because everyone is the same—people like

someone for a while, but you’re bound to get bored. After a while, you just get
sick of them and end up hurting their feelings one way or another. By cheating, by
breaking up, or staying in unhappy relationships that don’t bring joy anymore. It
doesn’t matter what the outcome is. Everything always ends up in heartbreak,”
Taehyung says.

“That’s not fair,” Jeongguk replies. He lifts himself up a little, resting his
weight on his elbow. “Don’t say _you_. Not everyone is like that, Taehyung. Not
everyone is a cheater or cruel like that. People can be gentle, kind and loyal.”

“That’s not what I’ve seen.”

“Then maybe you’ve fallen for the wrong people,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung holds his
gaze, saying nothing. “I know I’m not like that. I know my parents wouldn’t do that
to each other. My brother wouldn’t do his girlfriend. Namjoon and Yoongi wouldn’t
to each other. You know that, Taehyung.” Taehyung stays silent. “And I know you
wouldn’t either.”

“I wouldn’t because I don’t have a relationship. I don’t have anyone to hurt like
that.” Now it’s Jeongguk’s turn to stay silent, giving Taehyung a pointed look.
“Not everyone is as good as you think they are.”

“And not everyone is as bad as you think,” Jeongguk retorts.

Taehyung sighs. He seems resigned, almost tired of the exchange, the back and
forth. No matter what Taehyung says, Jeongguk has a retort ready. He is a firm
believer in love, and even if he doesn’t want to impose his beliefs on Taehyung, he
just wants to… show a different point of view. A less skeptical one.

“Fine,” Taehyung says, after a beat of silence. “You win.”

“Wait—I do?” Jeongguk asks, shocked. Few times in his life has he managed to find
someone as remotely stubborn as he is himself, but Taehyung happens to be one of
those people. That’s why him giving in is so surprising.

“You do,” Taehyung tells him. “You win. I’ve just found assholes, love is real.”

“You’re just saying that to keep me happy,” Jeongguk replies. He can’t keep the
small smile off his face, still. It feels like a victory in an odd way.

“Maybe,” Taehyung replies, sitting up. He leans forward, pressing a sweet peck
against Jeongguk’s lips. He pulls back before Jeongguk even has time to reply,
ruffling his hair. “You like me happy too, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Jeongguk replies, seeing Taehyung get out of bed and move towards the
door. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to shower,” Taehyung tells. He looks over his shoulder then and asks,
“Are you coming?”

“Yeah—yeah!” Jeongguk replies. He gets the covers off himself and jumps out of the
bed, following Taehyung. “Let’s go shower, boy.”

Taehyung laughs, staying still until Jeongguk is right behind him. Jeongguk tugs
him closer by his hips, managing to pull Taehyung in for the kiss that he didn’t
get to have earlier. Taehyung smiles into it, soft.

And then, Jeongguk delivers a sharp smack to his ass. “Come on, Tae,” he says,
voice muffled by Taehyung’s feigned-cry. “Let’s shower.”

Jeongguk has never considered himself a sap, really. He knows he’s sentimental, as
well as an emotional person who more often than not can contain his feelings.
Despite that, Jeongguk has never thought of himself as sappy. He remembers Yoongi
calling him a sap once, when he was preparing a Christmas gift for Eunwoo. He knows
he’s a person who pays attention to detail, something convenient when he has to
make a gift for anyone. That doesn’t have to make him a sap, though, does it? He’s
just thorough.

For a few days, Jeongguk debates whether it’s a good idea or not to make a mixtape
for Taehyung. Part of him knows that Taehyung would love it—it’s already been
established that he loves everything reminiscent of past times, so Jeongguk doesn’t
have a shadow of a doubt that a mixtape is something he’d appreciate. On the other
hand, and as a con, Jeongguk has the dilemma that he doesn’t want to… overstep
boundaries. He doesn’t want to act too coupley, in a way that would make Taehyung
push him away.

There isn’t really anything that makes as an excuse for making a mixtape for
Taehyung, in addition to that. No birthdays, no successful exams or midterms to
congratulate him for—nothing. Just the fact that Jeongguk is tremendously in love,
and can’t seem to keep it to himself.

Despise all this, Jeongguk ends up doing it. He ends up buying a CD, he downloads
all the songs he wants to include and puts them on the disk, in the special order
he wants. Again, Jeongguk is a perfectionist, and almost as important as the songs
in the mixtape is the order in which they should be listened to. Once he’s done, he
carefully removes the CD from his laptop and gets a marker, unsure of what to
write. In the end, he ends up writing _songs to listen to when you’re lonely_ in
the best calligraphy he can manage. That’s when he promised Taehyung he’d be there
for him, in the end. When he was lonely.

He decorates both the CD itself and the case, both with markers and stickers. Not
to toot his own horn, but Jeongguk thinks it looks pretty cool. He knows Taehyung
will like it, especially the little penguin that he drew for him. After spending
months telling Taehyung how he is a pengie, he couldn’t live that one detail out.
Jeongguk smiles, looking at the CD case in his hands. He hopes Taehyung likes it.
Maybe he’s picked a few love songs, but Jeongguk sincerely hopes that Taehyung
doesn’t think too much of it. Maybe he’ll just interpret it as songs that Jeongguk
enjoys, that he wants him to listen to as well.

Before he can overthink it too much, he shoves it into his backpack and zips it
closed. He’ll drop by Taehyung’s tomorrow and give it to him. Until then, he’s
going to stop thinking about it before he can bring himself to regret it.

After being friends for months, Jeongguk has come to more or less memorize
Taehyung’s schedule. He doesn’t know when he has which classes, but he knows the
times at which he gets out and is able to go home. That is because of their
frequent meetings during breaks, or the times they arranged to go to the library or
to have lunch together after class.

For that reason, Jeongguk knows that by the time he gets out at half past one in
the afternoon on a Wednesday, Taehyung isn’t busy anymore. Jeongguk guesses that
he’s probably at home, and he decides that this occasion is just as good as any
other to go over and give Taehyung the mixtape. Plus, maybe they can hang out
afterward. Time spent with Taehyung, whatever it is that they’re doing, is always
good.

He starts making his way there, walking at a quick pace. He’s excited to see
Taehyung, but then again, when is he not?

Once he gets to Taehyung’s building, Jeongguk finds a man. He’s getting inside with
a few grocery bags, and so he holds the door open for him to come in. Jeongguk
thanks him with a smile and an inclination of his head and ends up taking the
stairs to Taehyung’s apartment. He’d very much rather that than uncomfortable
elevator conversation with Taehyung’s neighbor.

Before ringing the doorbell, Jeongguk fishes in his backpack for the mixtape. He
really thought he wouldn’t feel nervous prior to meeting Taehyung again, but he was
wrong. Today feels different, Jeongguk thinks. He takes a deep breath and shrugs
his shoulders, and only then does he press the doorbell.

Taehyung’s walls are thin. That’s why right after the doorbell sounds he hears
Taehyung call, “I’m coming!”

Jeongguk waits excitedly, biting down on his bottom lip. But then, followed by
Taehyung’s voice and definitely _not_ him, comes a groan.

He doesn’t have time to think much of it, because it’s right then that Taehyung
pulls the door to the apartment open. Taehyung isn’t wearing the clothes that he’d
wear to go outside—an old t-shirt and sweatpants, that is what he has on right now.
Hanging out with a friend at home, maybe?

“Oh—hi, Jeonggukie. I wasn’t expecting you now,” Taehyung says, leaning against the
half-closed door. “What brings you here?”

Maybe the fact that Taehyung didn’t invite him in was telling enough that something
was off, but Jeongguk doesn’t notice at that moment. He says, “I brought you
something.” He lifts his hands, showing the case off. “It’s a mixtape.”

“A mixtape?” Taehyung replies, reaching forward. Jeongguk allows him to take it,
rejoicing in the way in which Taehyung smiles. “That’s so cool, Jeongguk. What
songs did you include?”

“You’ll have to listen to find out. I don’t want you to listen on any apps—do it
the right way,” he says, making Taehyung laugh cheerfully. He smiles fondly at
Taehyung and, after a beat of silence, adds, “So… Are you busy?”

“I, uh, have someone over,” Taehyung replies, mindlessly waving with his hand over
his shoulder. When Jeongguk looks at him with expectant eyes, Taehyung adds,
“Jisung.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk says. Jisung. So Taehyung has _Jisung_ over. “Oh! I’ll… I’ll get
going, then. Have fun.”

“Hey, Jeongguk, wait—” Taehyung calls, but Jeongguk is already starting to walk
back.

“I have to go, anyway,” he lies. “Told Hoseok I would go with him somewhere later.
So…”

“Okay…” Taehyung says. If Jeongguk were looking at him he’d see Taehyung deflate,
but his own shoes look far more interesting now. That, and he doesn’t find himself
capable of looking at Taehyung in the eye without feeling like he’s going to break
inside. “I’ll see you, then?”

“Yeah, Tae,” Jeongguk says once he reaches the stairs. “I’ll see you.”

Jeongguk doesn’t wait for a reply, nor does he look in Taehyung’s reaction. He
starts walking down the stairs fast, hearing the door click shut once Taehyung
walks back inside the apartment. Right now, all he needs is to get out of there.
Away from Taehyung’s place, from Jisung and Taehyung, and from the fact that he
feels like a fool.

Realistically, Jeongguk knew about it. He knows he has no reason to feel betrayed
or even jealous, because Taehyung has always been honest and straight-forward with
him. They’re not a couple, Jeongguk knows. Jisung was in the picture, Jeongguk
knows as well.

But what his brain is able to reason and what his heart feels are very different
things. He feels humiliated and embarrassed of himself, embarrassed of the fact
that somewhere in the back of his mind he still had hope. It’s one thing to know
that Jisung exists, but it’s something else completely to know that he’s there,
soaking up Taehyung’s time in the same way Jeongguk does, just inside those four
walls.

Jeongguk has been lacking self-preservation. He’s been putting what he wants (read:
Taehyung) over what he needs. And what he needs right now is to realize that
Taehyung doesn’t want him like he wants Taehyung, and that he’s probably never
going to want to. It’s a hard pill to swallow, and Jeongguk feels his chest shatter
just at the mere thought of it, but it’s the truth. Taehyung doesn’t want him now,
and he’s never going to want him.

He’s alone in his bedroom when he starts crying. At first it’s just a few tears
that slowly roll down his cheek in the silence, only to then drop on the covers and
darken the soft fabric. But the more he thinks about it, the more he makes himself
hurt. The more he thinks about every single memory he shares with Taehyung, and how
they both hold… such a different significance for both of them. To Jeongguk, every
moment is a collection of reasons to fall in love. And to Taehyung… to Taehyung, it
was just a bit of fun, something to do in between everything else. He said it
himself. He wanted to have fun.

It’s Jeongguk’s own fault, and that’s what makes him hurt the most. His silent
crying turns into sobs, to the point where he feels like he _can’t breathe_. How
could he be such a fool? Why did he ignore what Taehyung told him in the first
place? He said they wouldn’t be together, but he was greedy still, and thought he
could handle it. He thought it would hurt less to have Taehyung physically, even if
Taehyung didn’t like him back. But what he feels right now is worse than he was
anticipating. He literally feels his heart break into a million pieces inside his
chest.

Jeongguk is stupid, and naïve, and too much of a dreamer for his own good. He got
himself in this situation in the first place, and now all he can do is feel sorry
for himself and his poor little broken heart. And all he can do now is cry, cry and
cry.

And in that moment, he thinks back about what Taehyung had told him about love when
Jeongguk asked whether he believed in it or not. Taehyung had said that love, in
his eyes, was one person hurting another eventually. He knows that in his mind
Taehyung would be the one to hurt, and that’s why he shields himself from love, why
he doesn’t let himself fall for anyone.

It’s ironic, Jeongguk thinks. Terribly ironic because, the one hurting right now,
isn’t Taehyung. The one who feels like his heart has been crushed is Jeongguk.

Maybe Taehyung was right. Maybe love, as real as it is, is not as pretty as
Jeongguk thought.

“Jeon Jeongguk,” Eunwoo calls, standing right next to where Jeongguk is sitting on
the floor. “You need to talk to Taehyung.”

Jeongguk looks up. They’re in the same predicament as always—he and Hoseok are
sitting on the floor, eating their egg salad sandwiches when Eunwoo comes. From
this angle Eunwoo looks intimidating, hands on her hips as she gives Jeongguk a
pointed look.

“I don’t need to do anything,” Jeongguk replies. He’s petulant—oh, he knows he is.

But he needs to be firm about this.

“Yes, you do,” Eunwoo says, sitting next to both of them. “He says you’ve been
ignoring him for over a week.”

“Is that why you didn’t come last Saturday?” Hoseok asks then.
Jeongguk swallows down. He hasn’t been talking to Taehyung, that’s true, but he
wants to… put some distance between them. He is aware that what he’s doing is
incredibly childish, and that he really should have given Taehyung some kind of
explanation as to why he doesn’t want to see him anymore. Hell, he probably should
just put an end to the physical relationship that exists between them and not throw
their friendship away. However, Jeongguk doesn’t feel as if that would be enough.
He needs some time away to think, to let himself fall out of love with Taehyung.
And if he has Taehyung beside him, as bright and as amazing as ever, Jeongguk knows
that won’t happen.

“I wasn’t in the mood to go out,” Jeongguk replies to Hoseok. It’s true, he was in
an absolute shit mood, and he still is. It’s not the full truth or reason, but it’s
the truth nonetheless. “And I know I haven’t been talking to him. But if I don’t,
it’s because I don’t want to.”

“And why don’t you want to all of a sudden?” Hoseok asks. In his eyes there is
genuine curiosity, which Jeongguk finds understandable. He is aware that his change
of demeanor with Taehyung is a 180 degree turn, but… “You’ve been so close up until
now. Did you have a fight?”

“I’m in love with Taehyung and he doesn’t love me back,” Jeongguk blurts out, then.
“The other day I went to his and he was with that Jisung dude, and I—I don’t know.
I don’t know if I can just be his friend anymore.”

They're silent for a moment, Hoseok and Eunwoo exchanging looks between them as
Jeongguk looks down at the ground. He feels even more pathetic when he tells
someone else.

“You do what you need to do, Jeongguk,” Hoseok tells him. “If you’re in pain and
feel like you need to take a step back from your friendship, then you’re allowed to
do that. No one can force you to be friends with them.”

“But I think you should give him an explanation, first,” Eunwoo says. Hoseok nods.
“Or at least, just let him know that you don’t wanna be friends anymore or what’s
wrong. It’s only fair. You can't keep him in the dark forever.”

Jeongguk sighs. He knows his friends are right, but…

“Fine,” he says in the end. “I’ll talk to him.”

Eunwoo reaches for his knee and gives it a light squeeze, at the same time Hoseok
pats him on the shoulder. “We’ve got you,” Hoseok says, before taking another bite
of his sandwich.

Jeongguk looks down at the floor again, letting himself be pampered by his friends.
He hopes they do get him, indeed. Because in the weeks to come, Jeongguk is going
to need them.

It’s hard for Jeongguk to miss how uncomfortable Taehyung looks when he comes by
Jeongguk's place to talk to him about what happened. Jeongguk sits on one end of
the couch, Taehyung sits on the other. Between them only silence reigns. Jeongguk
doesn’t know where to begin, and the truth is that this isn’t easy to say. Jeongguk
sighs.
“So…” he says. He’s trying to find a way to tell Taehyung that he doesn’t want to
be friends anymore without hurting him, but how could he? He also doesn’t want to
confess his feelings to him, although he’s not sure of how he plans to avoid that.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Taehyung asks. As usual, he’s much more straight-
forward than Jeongguk. He adds, “It’s been a week.”

“I just don’t think I want to be friends anymore,” Jeongguk says. He’s thought of
what to say, really. He memorized a few things to say, but this is the only one he
can remember now. Maybe it’s because the rest is bullshit.

“Okay, cool. Why?” Taehyung asks, fast. Jeongguk can tell that he‘s annoyed. He
doesn’t reply. “If you don’t want to be friends, surely there must be a reason.
What have I done?”

“I just don’t want to be friends,” Jeongguk repeats. “I don’t need to explain

myself.”

“Are you serious?” Taehyung asks. “You’re one of my closest friends, Jeongguk. You
can’t just—you can’t just ask me to come by and suddenly tell me you don’t want
anything to do with me anymore. I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

“It’s not about deserving anything,” Jeongguk replies.

“Then what is it about, Jeongguk?”

He feels petulant. It probably does seem petulant of him to do this, to end a

friendship so abruptly because he isn’t loved like he wants to be. He knows he has
no right to expect anything from Taehyung, and he doesn’t. But he also feels like
he has the right to put distance between them if this situation hurts.

Or at least, that’s what he tries to convince himself of.

“Do you love me?” Jeongguk asks, suddenly. Taehyung looks confused at the question—
his lips are parted and he’s frowning a little, eyes on Jeongguk. Jeongguk waits
for a few seconds, but Taehyung doesn’t say anything. “Because I love you,
Taehyung. But you don’t love me back, and it hurts. It hurts to be your friend, it
hurts to sleep around with you, and it hurts to know you don’t want me like that.
I’m so stupidly in love with you, and you don’t feel the same way as me, and we
can’t be friends anymore. Because it hurts me.”

Jeongguk watches Taehyung’s reaction, trying to figure out anything. But there is
nothing. Taehyung’s mouth just closes, then opens again, but nothing comes out.
Jeongguk finds himself unable to read Taehyung and his feelings, and that… that
overwhelms him. He thought that when he finally confessed, Taehyung would… do
something. He would rather have a bad reaction than no reaction at all.

“It’s—it’s still not fair,” Taehyung replies. “It’s not fair.”

“No one said it’s fair—”

“If it hurts you to stay being friends, then it will hurt me to stop being friends.
That’s a shit reason.”

“How can you be so selfish?” Jeongguk asks, his voice raising now. “Why is your
pain more important than mine? You knew it, Taehyung. You knew about how into you I
am and it hasn’t stopped you from being with me and that other guy. It almost feels
as if you were playing with my feelings.”
“You can’t expect me to take care of your feelings if you won’t. As far as I know,
_you_ freely decided to sleep around with me. Even if you knew there was someone
else,” Taehyung replies. That is true, so Jeongguk stays silent, not able to argue
with that. “You promised.”

“I promised what, Taehyung?”

“You promised you’d be there for me. You promised me that I wouldn’t be alone,”
Taehyung tells him. Jeongguk clenches his jaw—he knows what Taehyung is talking
about. That one night, in the backseat of the taxi.

“Am I supposed to break my own heart to prevent you from being lonely, Taehyung?”
Jeongguk asks. Taehyung doesn’t reply at that, but his eyes don’t leave Jeongguk’s
for one moment. He frowns a little, looking tense. “Plus, you’re not alone. You
have a lot of people who love you.”

There’s a soft scoff. Jeongguk looks down and sees Taehyung’s fists clench to his
sides. For a moment there, Jeongguk feels like Taehyung is going to argue again.
Jeongguk made a decision, yes, but he’s also weak, especially for Taehyung.

Regardless, he’s still taken off guard when Taehyung says, “Okay. That’s fine,
then.”

They both look at each other then. They’re standing in the middle of Jeongguk’s
living room, after having had what is probably the worst argument since they’ve
known each other, and now they’ve come to an agreement. The agreement of… not being
friends anymore.

(It hasn’t dawned on Jeongguk yet, what the consequences of their friendship
breaking are. Once they do, he will regret this decision. But by then, it’s already
too late for him to undo it.)

“Okay,” Jeongguk repeats. He doesn’t know what else there is for him to say,
really.

Taehyung sighs, standing up and starting to move towards his coat. “I'll get going
now,” he says, fishing inside the pocket of his coat. “But before I go, I want you
to have this.”

He tends an envelope to Jeongguk, who takes it in his hand at the same time he
wonders what’s inside. He doesn’t pay much attention, though—whatever it is, it can
wait. Jeongguk is sure that what’s happening in this room at this very instant is a
far more pressing issue.

“I’ll walk you to the—”

“I can go alone,” Taehyung interrupts then. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip.
“So… You want it to be goodbye?”

Jeongguk blinks, trying to chase away the stinging in his eyes. His own fault, he
knows. His decision, he knows. Doesn’t make it any easier.

“It is, yeah,” Jeongguk replies. “Goodbye.”

Taehyung nods. “Goodbye, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk doesn’t want to look at Taehyung walking away from him, because he also
knows it’s quite literally watching Taehyung walk out of his life. _It’s for the
best, it’s for the best, it’s for the best_ , he tells himself. Clearly, being just
friends didn’t work out for the two of them. Hopefully, he can make himself believe
all of this soon.

As for now, all he can do is let himself sit down on his couch once he hears the
door close, Taehyung now gone. Jeongguk’s brain tells him that he’s doing the right
thing, but his heart seems to disagree.

He wants to cry again, his throat closing up in an unpleasant way. Once again, he
tells himself: it’s for the best. Or at least, he hopes so.

Getting used to Taehyung not being in his life proves to be way harder than getting
used to his presence there. Jeongguk finds himself with a lot of dead, empty hours
that feel way too long and insufferable. He misses him—his laughter, the way his
voice goes high pitched when he’s really excited, how he always hugs Jeongguk by
the shoulders.

Because of not seeing Taehyung, he also ends up seeing Seokjin, Jimin and Sunny a
lot less. Namjoon, he still sees sometimes thanks to the fact that now he and
Yoongi seem attached to the hip. But everyone else… Jeongguk misses them, too. Not
as much as he misses Taehyung, but he still classed them as his friends, and he
misses spending time with them. A few texts are exchanged between them but that’s
all.

No one directly addresses it and no one asks about what happened, which makes
Jeongguk think that everyone probably knows already. Not because Taehyung told
everyone, but he's sure that it eventually spread. Eunwoo probably told Sunny,
Taehyung most likely told Jimin, Hoseok maybe mentioned it to Yoongi, who would
obviously tell Namjoon… It feels, in a way, like everyone knows already, and that’s
why no one asks about them.

They ask how he is, though. Jeongguk lies—he says he’s doing fine, he says that
he’s doing better. The truth is that, even if he doesn’t let it stop him from going
on with his life, he feels a terrible and heavy sadness in the pit of his stomach,
unmoving.

His social life has decreased a lot these days, too. His free time mostly revolved
around Taehyung, and the afternoons and evenings they spent together, the plans
they made in between classes and through static phone calls. He still gets invited
out by friends, but each invitation is quickly declined. He’s not in a good mood
these days. He still makes sure he goes out and gets some fresh air, spends time
with his closest friends and doesn’t spend all his time locked in, but he doesn’t…
he doesn’t feel good. He feels vacant. Something is missing, and Jeongguk knows
exactly what it is.

That day, after Taehyung had left, Jeongguk had honestly spent the rest of the day
crying. He didn’t even have the energy to check the envelope that Taehyung had
given him, just leaving it on the top of his desk and forgetting about it.

Until now. It’s a little over a week later now when Jeongguk spots the envelope
once again, hidden under his class folder. He bites his lip and sits on the chair
in front of the envelope, taking it in his hands. It feels heavier than it’d feel
if it were just paper inside, that’s for sure. It takes Jeongguk a moment, but then
it clicks in his mind what’s inside—pictures.

As soon as he realizes, Jeongguk can’t stop himself from opening the envelope. Just
as he suspected, the envelope is filled with developed pictures. The moment
Jeongguk sees them, he realizes they were taken with Taehyung’s camera, that one
night at the bar. He recognizes it in the background of the first picture he sees,
one of himself.

Jeongguk looks down at it, at the small smile dancing on his lips as he looks over
his shoulder. He’s wearing a jacket that looks obnoxiously yellow, but Jeongguk
falls in love with the picture as soon as he sees it. He’s shocked at how happy he
looks, even if he's not grinning the widest. His eyes glisten with _something_ ,
and Jeongguk knows that it’s because he was looking at Taehyung at the time. How
could he not feel his happiest while looking at him?

He lets himself stare for a little longer before looking at the next one. This one
is of him and Eunwoo, which makes him smile a little more. After that, comes one of
him with Yoongi and Hoseok, then one with Seokjin. Jeongguk finds himself grinning
widely as he flips through them, each one of them making memories rush back to his
mind.

And then, he gets to the last two. He swallows down thickly, staring at the
developed film that he’s holding between his fingertips. In the first one, there’s
him and Taehyung. It’s the picture that Yoongi took—Taehyung’s peace sign right by
his eyes gives it away. Jeongguk looks at himself, at how he smiles happily by
Taehyung’s side. Taehyung is smiling as well, his teeth on display. If the past
pictures made Jeongguk smile, this one makes him feel like he’s been punched in the
gut.

With shaky fingers, he puts this one away and looks at the last one. This one is
Taehyung on his own, and Jeongguk recognizes it right away. He took it himself.

Taehyung is looking at him over his shoulder, the strands of his hair falling over
his forehead. He's looking at the camera with a little smile, and Jeongguk
remembers how caught off guard Taehyung was when he called his name in order to get
him to look at him to snap the picture. In the picture you can really see the
little freckle right under his eye, and for that reason that little detail makes
Jeongguk’s stomach twist unpleasantly.

Before he can stop himself, Jeongguk grabs the two pictures and walks to the
kitchen. Once he’s there he grabs the two magnets he has on his fridge (ones he got
thanks to ordering takeout food) and leaves the photographs there. He stares at
them, first at Taehyung’s pretty face and then at how happy they looked together
that night.

Jeongguk sighs. So much for moving on.

“Hey, Jeongguk,” Eunwoo calls, as Jeongguk rummages through one of the cupboards of
his kitchen. “What are these?”

Jeongguk, who was on the tips of his toes to reach the top shelf, turns around to
see what Eunwoo was talking about. She’s standing next to the fridge, and—oh.
“Some pictures Taehyung gave me. From his film camera,” Jeongguk explains. “I think
they’re good pictures.”

“Jeongguk…”

“Don’t,” Jeongguk interrupts, as softly as he can manage. “I know. I know.”

Eunwoo gives him a worried look, her eyes going impossibly wide. Jeongguk looks
away—he hates worrying his friends so much. Especially if it’s over stuff that he’s
brought on himself.

“You know you can just message, right?” Eunwoo says.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath. “I know I can,” he says. “But I… Maybe it’s better
not to.”

Eunwoo makes her way to him, giving Jeongguk’s shoulder a squeeze. “You don’t want
to talk about it, I assume.”

“Not particularly, no,” Jeongguk replies, honest.

“Then let’s get you some comfort food and a random show to watch,” Eunwoo tells
him. “I’m not gonna leave you here all sad by yourself.”

Jeongguk cracks a smile, shaking his head. At least Eunwoo will manage to keep him
distracted, preventing him from bathing in even sadder thoughts.

It’s starting to dawn on Jeongguk now. He’s made a terrible mistake.

Jeongguk stares down at his phone, five words written in his typing bar, making his
stomach heavy. He’s usually a nervous texter, but he doesn’t remember any other
occasion where he has felt as nervous as right now.

_Hey Taehyung, can we talk?_

He swallows down, thumb hovering over the _send_ button. He doesn’t have much to
lose, does he? His relationship with Taehyung is nonexistent as of now. It can’t
possibly get any worse than this. There is also the possibility of getting into a
fight or an argument, which is also a scary thought for Jeongguk. He's not one to
get furious or angry, nor is Taehyung. They understand each other well, but on the
few and rare occasions they’ve argued about something, Jeongguk’s heart has always
felt heavy afterward. Jeongguk is scared of calling and ending up involved in a
fight.

In the end, he ends up backspacing until all five words and twenty-six characters
disappear. He’s not even going to try to deny the truth—he’s a coward. He did this
because he was scared of his own feelings, of how stupidly jealous he felt. He did
this because he was scared of getting hurt, but ended up hurting himself in the
process. And now, he's too scared to reach out and fix this.

In the end, maybe it doesn’t even matter. Taehyung probably doesn’t want to talk to
him again, anyways.
⍭

Jeongguk sees Taehyung again in the most fateful of ways, without arranging any
meeting of sorts. During the course of the past few weeks he’s been avoiding places
—those that Taehyung introduced him to, as well as those that he knew beforehand
but the two of them frequented together. He’s spent a lot of time locked inside,
both because he didn’t want to spontaneously run into Taehyung and because he, in
all honesty, isn't in the mood. Staying in his bed moping around during all of his
free time is the most ideal plan right now, especially considering the amount of
will-power that it takes him to get out of bed every morning and go to class.

Despite all of his efforts, he does end up encountering Taehyung. It’s impressive
he managed to completely avoid him during the last few weeks, really. It was going
to happen at some point, and it looks like a coffee shop is the ideal setting.

He’s been here with Taehyung a couple of times, but Jeongguk can’t sacrifice this
place. They have the best latte on campus, after all.

Jeongguk doesn’t see him at first. He goes to the counter and gets his order,
walking towards one of the tables by the window with his laptop under his arm. It’s
then that he hears a voice, a familiar voice that he knows all too well calling
him.

“Gukkie?”

Jeongguk’s head snaps to the right as soon as he hears Taehyung. He’s right by his
side, sitting at one of the booths, back resting against the window. He has his own
books in front of himself, as well as a notebook and a couple of highlighters and
pens. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip.

Taehyung looks… tired, definitely. It’s not a radical change, nothing too
noticeable or important. His eyes are surrounded by dark circles, but it could be
to do with exam season coming up and nothing to do with Jeongguk. Much to
Jeongguk’s surprise, he can see the darker roots in Taehyung’s hair, a stark
contrast to the silver of his locks. The skin on his cheek is red, probably from
being squeezed against his palm as Taehyung rested the weight of his head on it.

At the same time his heart skips a beat, Jeongguk can feel his mouth go dry. It’s
Taehyung. His Taehyung.

“Hey there,” Jeongguk replies after a second or two, Taehyung sitting up a little
straighter. They hold each other’s gaze for a second, before Jeongguk adds, “It’s
good to see you. I—I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

And really—Jeongguk didn’t think they would run into each other here. They’ve come
together a couple of times, yeah, but it was always Jeongguk’s idea and Taehyung
always complained about having to go to the opposite side of campus just for a
latte. It’s far from Jeongguk’s building, even more so from Taehyung’s. Seeing him
here is… well. Unexpected.

Taehyung’s hand lifts up, scratching the side of his neck. “Well, yeah. I’ve been
coming a lot recently,” he explains. “I like it here.”

Part of Jeongguk can’t help but wonder if maybe the reason why Taehyung has been
coming, the reason why he likes it here, is because it reminds him of Jeongguk.
After all, it was Jeongguk who showed him it, and as far as Jeongguk is aware,
Taehyung has only been here with him.

“It’s a good place,” he ends up replying, a bit awkwardly. Taehyung smiles at him,
tight-lipped. He wonders if he should just go now, move away. Maybe, considering he
was the one who asked Taehyung to end their friendship, that would be the
reasonable thing to do. But Taehyung greeted him, right? He could have avoided
Jeongguk at all costs, especially considering Jeongguk hadn’t spotted him yet. It
makes Jeongguk want to stay. Before he can contain himself, he asks, “Can I sit
here?”

Taehyung looks at him in silence for a moment, as if he was considering. Then, he

replies, “Yeah, of course. Take a seat.”

It’s hard for Jeongguk to tell whether Taehyung is happy to see him or not, since
Taehyung has a certain control over his emotions that Jeongguk envies. He nods,
takes a step back and slides into the booth opposite Taehyung, at the same time the
other starts to pick up his stuff to leave some space for Jeongguk on the table.
After leaving his coffee and laptop on top of the surface, Jeongguk finally sits
down.

It’s awkward, or at least Jeongguk gets that vibe. But they haven’t seen each other
for a while, so small talk is surely an option, right? There must be some stuff for
them to catch up on. Well—at least on Taehyung’s side.

“So, how have you been?”

“I’ve been better, but I’m alright,” Taehyung replies, vague. Jeongguk nods. “You
know. Starting to get serious with studies. How are you, though?”

“I’m okay,” Jeongguk replies, not going into much detail. He’s… he’s fine. He’s
been feeling lonely, guilty, regretful, bored out of his damn mind. But he guesses
that, despite that and the fact that he misses Taehyung terribly, he has been
alright. “There’s not a lot of time left for finals now.”

“I know,” Taehyung replies, eyes lowering as he reaches for his paper cup. He
doesn’t drink from it, just plays with it as he says, “Are you feeling prepared?”

“Not yet. Give me a couple of weeks and we’ll see,” Jeongguk replies, getting a
weak smile from Taehyung. “Not doing much work yet. I’ve been distracted these
days, so…”

“How come?” Taehyung asks, eyes again on Jeongguk's. They’re so rich and brown, so
big and deep, and Jeongguk can’t help but feel small under Taehyung’s gaze.

He’s hesitant. He knows what he’s going to say is probably not the smartest thing
to say, nor what Taehyung would expect or want to hear. For a guy who's quiet a lot
of the time, Jeongguk has a big mouth. A big mouth that can’t stop him from saying,
“Well, you know. I’ve been thinking about… about what happened. Between us two.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says, surprise written on his face. Once again, he looks away.
“Yeah, I… I've been feeling distracted by that lately, too.”

Jeongguk swallows down so thickly that he feels like Taehyung can probably hear
from where he’s sitting, even with the gentle rumble inside the coffee shop as
background noise. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t. Still, he says, “How are you feeling
in regards to that?”

Jeongguk knows that Taehyung doesn’t lie. Not about trivial things, even if hearing
the truth might make others upset, and definitely not about important stuff.
Jeongguk asked Taehyung how he feels, so it shouldn’t come as much of a shock to
Jeongguk that Taehyung replies to him with honesty now, blunt.

“I… I don’t know,” Taehyung replies, turning a little so he can look at Jeongguk.
He takes a deep breath before he says, “What do you want me to say, Jeongguk? I’m…
I’m okay. But it still makes me sad.”

He doesn’t have to explain what _it_ means—Jeongguk knows. And the truth is that it
makes Jeongguk sad, too. If he could only turn back time he’d undo it, now aware
that his decision isn’t helping him in any way. It backfired completely. Maybe he
hasn’t given it enough time, maybe he’s still holding on to it. But he feels so
terribly regretful.

And he knows that this, too, is dangerous territory. He knows that this isn’t the
right place, or the right time, in public and where others can see or hear them.
He’s selfish for asking this, after the decision he made. But he can’t help
himself.

Jeongguk sighs, a little shaky. “Do you miss me?” he asks. It’s hard to ask,
especially considering how terribly he has been missing Taehyung. The possibility
of Taehyung’s answer being _no_ breaks his heart more than he would ever like to
admit.

Taehyung blinks a couple of times, looking down at his table before he lifts his
eyes back to Jeongguk’s. They hold each other’s gaze for a few quiet seconds, in
which Jeongguk swears the heavy beat of his heart can be heard out loud. He
watches, almost in slow motion, how Taehyung’s lips part before he speaks.

“I miss you,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk feels a knot in his throat tighten, even if
the words make him feel more relieved than he could ever put down into words. “Why?
Do you miss me?”

Jeongguk nods embarrassingly fast. “I've missed you a lot—I miss you a lot,”
Jeongguk admits, correcting himself. There's something about Taehyung’s eyes on his
that makes him lower his gaze, his fidgeting fingers on the zipper of his laptop
case suddenly looking too interesting.

“It was you who told me you didn’t want to be friends anymore,” Taehyung replies.
His tone doesn’t sound harsh, but it sounds firm. There's also a hint of hurt in
there, which only makes Jeongguk feel even more guilty, even more regretful. “You
said I was playing with your feelings when I never did that. I was always honest
with you about what we were. And if that was playing—what is _this_ , now? You tell
me you don’t want anything else to do with me, but then you run into me and instead
of walking away, you stay and say you miss me. Don’t you realize that hurts, too?”

Jeongguk swallows down thickly. “I know. I’m sorry I said that,” he says. “I know
it wasn’t fair. I know I shouldn’t have expected anything, and that you told me how
things were. But the way we were together, the way we acted…”

He trails off, looking up again so he can see what Taehyung’s reaction to his words
is. For a moment there, Jeongguk swears that he can see in Taehyung’s face a hint
of, not agreement, but understanding. Almost as if he knew what Jeongguk was
talking about, what he meant with that last sentence. Maybe it’s his mind playing
tricks on him again. Just like how he managed to make himself believe that Taehyung
wanted him back.

In the end, Taehyung sighs once again and shakes his head. “Let’s not talk about
this right now,” he says. “I promise some other time but not just now. My head
isn't in the right place for this.”

Jeongguk understands. Maybe Taehyung isn’t ready to have this conversation now, or
simply doesn’t want to. Maybe he won’t want to. And it’s okay, really. Jeongguk is
big enough to face the consequences of his own actions, even if they hurt.

“Do you want me to go?” he asks. He doesn’t want to impose his presence on
Taehyung, after everything that has happened. Taehyung has every reason to not want
to see him, so he doesn’t want to invade.

“No. Stay here,” Taehyung replies. The answers catches Jeongguk by surprise. “Just…
we can discuss this some other time, okay? It’s good to see you, too.”

Jeongguk nods, feeling his body relax. He didn’t know he was so tense up until now,
as he lets his back rest against the booth once again. He looks ahead of himself,
taking in Taehyung’s bright, neon highlighters.

“Study afternoon then?” he asks. Just like they both asked each other countless
other times, both in person and over text. Countless times that led to days in the
library, at either of theirs, or like this, in a coffee shop with a warm drink by
their side.

Taehyung smiles a little, then. He nods. “Study afternoon.”

_i listened to your mixtape_

_and i really liked it_

_I’m happy you did_

_You were in my mind when I picked all the songs_

_oh_

_jeongguk_

_maybe you want to meet up and talk?_

_I think I would like that, yeah_

_then i can come by_

_five?_

_Five is good_

_i’ll see you later, then_

_See you later, tae_

Every second before the clock strikes five seems to go by painstakingly slow for
Jeongguk, who has been ready for Taehyung’s visit for over an hour now. He’s been
trying to organize his thoughts, find a way to apologize for everything he thinks
he’s done wrong but also explain to Taehyung how he feels.

In the end, he has nothing. His mind is in chaos, and even if he knows what he
_wants_ to say, he doesn’t find a way to word things coherently.

Oh, how he wishes he could find the right words. How he wishes he could tell
Taehyung everything that he wants to—everything that he _needs_ to tell him.

He shouldn’t be startled by the sound of the buzzer, considering how much he’s been
anticipating it. Similarly, once he hears the doorbell as he stands on the other
side of the front door, ready to pull it open, it shouldn’t catch him off guard.
Regardless, both times make him jump a little on the spot, feeling embarrassed even
if there was no one to see.

He forgets about waiting for five seconds before pulling the door open, his rule to
not look too eager when waiting for someone. Looking cool or chill is at the bottom
of his priority list right now, seeing Taehyung and having a conversation with him
at the top.

Taehyung looks… he looks like he always does, Jeongguk thinks at first. It takes
him a few seconds to notice something is off, a couple more to see what that
_something_ is. It’s Taehyung, but he seems… duller. The mischievous sparkle in his
eye is missing, so is the playful smile on his lips. He doesn’t grin when he sees
Jeongguk, at least not sincerely. It becomes apparent to Jeongguk that he's not the
only one who has been feeling dampened lately. Jeongguk knows not to give himself
enough importance to think that Taehyung is duller without him, because that likely
isn't true. But Taehyung did tell him that he hasn’t felt his best lately, ever
since Jeongguk abruptly cut ties with him, and that is apparent to Jeongguk.

He knows Taehyung is sad—Taehyung himself told him. He knows he’s at fault here,
for getting into his feelings too much and not taking Taehyung’s feelings into
consideration. Hopefully some things, if not everything, can be cleared up today.

“Hello, Jeongguk,” Taehyung greets, the first one to break the silence between
them. Jeongguk was too immersed in his thoughts to realize that he was just
staring, not really saying anything. He feels his ears heat up in embarrassment
once realization hits him.

“Hi, Taehyung,” he replies back, praying Taehyung doesn’t notice the blush on his
ears. He clears his throat, asks, “Do you want to come in?”

Taehyung nods, and so Jeongguk takes a step back and lets him walk inside the
apartment. He offers Taehyung a drink, but he politely turns it down while
following Jeongguk to the living area. Taking advantage of the fact that he is
walking ahead and Taehyung can’t see him, Jeongguk takes this as his chance to
nervously chew on his bottom lip, an anxious habit.

He tries to encourage himself, reminding himself that this is the moment he’s been
waiting for since he realized how lost he was without him. He has so much to say
and so little eloquence left in him, but he’s going to try for the sake of possibly
saving this friendship.

They sit in Jeongguk’s living room, a cautious distance between the two of them.
It’s silent for a couple of seconds, quiet and uncomfortable for Jeongguk. In the
end, it’s Taehyung who takes the initiative, starting with a, “So…” Jeongguk raises
his eyes from his lap, inquiringly. “Should I start?”
“Yeah, go ahead,” Jeongguk says, feeling somewhat relieved. It’s easier to go
second, to hear how Taehyung is feeling, to know what he has to fix. He knows once
he starts talking things will start flowing, and it will become a little easier to
say everything he wants to say. He encourages, “I’m listening.”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about what you said that day. About how you said it
hurt to be friends with me, and that it feels like I was playing with your
feelings. I’m not trying to turn anything around or make it seem like I’m a victim,
but…” Taehyung goes silent for a moment there, which makes Jeongguk gulp. “It hurt
me to hear you say that. It hurt to know that you think so lowly of me, low enough
to believe I would play with you and purposefully hurt you. I would never do that,
Jeongguk. You’re my friend and I care about you.”

Jeongguk clenches his jaw for a moment, at the same time he nods. “I understand. I
shouldn’t have said that… I’m sorry I did, Taehyung. I don’t think lowly of you at
all.”

“You said you didn’t have to remain friends with me if you didn’t want to, and
that’s true. I can’t force you to stay in a friendship with me if you don’t want
to. But I don’t want you to cut ties with me based on something that… that I don’t
think I did?” Taehyung says. Jeongguk can see how Taehyung’s fists clench on his
lap before he keeps going. “I'm not trying to say my actions didn’t hurt you, or
tell you how you felt. I just want you to know that I… I didn’t know, Jeongguk. I
didn’t know about your feelings for me, or that the situation we were in was
causing you pain.”

Jeongguk swallows down thickly, the memories from that one day rushing back to his
mind. He confessed to Taehyung—told him he was in love with him. That moment has
replayed in Jeongguk’s brain the most, along with the way Taehyung’s eyes widened
in shock upon hearing Jeongguk’s words. After thinking about it coolly, Jeongguk
can see that Taehyung isn’t lying. Judging by his reaction and his words just now,
along with how honest he sounds, Jeongguk is sure that Taehyung didn’t know.

“I shouldn’t have assumed you did,” Jeongguk replies, a bit weakly. He knows
Taehyung can hear him despite how tiny his voice sounds.

“You know how I feel about love because of what happened to my parents and with my
boyfriend, too,” Taehyung starts, meeting Jeongguk’s eyes. Jeongguk nods. “I just…
I don’t like…”

Jeongguk notices how Taehyung stumbles upon his words, struggling to get out what
he wants to say. His eyes nervously move down to his lap, then back again to
Jeongguk’s eyes, and Jeongguk recognizes in them an urgency that he knows well. He
feels like that sometimes, when he so desperately wants to _not_ say anything.

It’s sour. The words leave a bad taste in his mouth, but Jeongguk says them
regardless. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way for me, Taehyung,” he starts,
softly. “We never… the way we acted led me to think that there was something else
going on, but I think I romanticized it all in my head. I knew what you thought
about love, and we never talked about being anything other than friends. I
shouldn’t have jumped to my own conclusions.”

Taehyung seems a little relieved at that, the tension from his shoulders visibly
disappearing. It’s bittersweet, because on the one hand, Jeongguk wants to make
Taehyung feel better about this whole thing, and wants him to know that there are
no hard feelings from his end; but on the other hand, this confirms that Taehyung
doesn’t feel anything for him, doesn’t it?

“Thank you for understanding,” Taehyung mutters.

“It wouldn’t be fair of me to expect anything back,” Jeongguk adds, honest. “That’s
not all love is about—reciprocity. It’s more than that. It’s… yeah. Unwavering. ”

Taehyung gives him a little smile at that, the corners of his lips quirking up
slightly. It’s not big or toothy, and it doesn’t make his eyes crinkle in the way
Jeongguk likes, but it’s… honest. It reaches his eyes.

“Okay, that’s… That’s good,” Taehyung tells. “I guess all I have left to say is
that I’m sorry. I was unaware, but I still want to apologize for hurting you and
for making you feel like I was playing with your feelings. You’re one of my closest
friends and I value you greatly, Jeongguk. I was so upset when you said you didn’t
want to be friends anymore that I didn’t react as I should have back then, but I
love you and I don’t want to lose you. So I hope we can… work on things.”

He sounds doubtful in his last sentence, eyes looking at Jeongguk cautiously. It

seems as if he's unsure about how Jeongguk will react to this proposition, maybe
even fearful of Jeongguk declining it.

Jeongguk nods. “I want to work on it,” he says. “I think I’ve cleared up mostly
everything on my side, but let me know if there is anything else that you’re still
worried about after I’m finished.” Taehyung nods. “I want to be friends. Saying I
didn’t was stupid on my end, and was just… I don’t know. I guess I was blinded and
jealous at the time, and in a tantrum. I thought that if I couldn’t have you like I
wanted then I didn’t want you at all. And that was selfish and stupid. I’ve missed
you terribly these past few weeks, but not just because of like, the kissing and
sex. I’ve missed laughing with you, hanging out with you—I’ve missed my friend. It
came back to bite me in the ass, because these past few weeks have been hell. I’m
sorry I’ve been so selfish, Tae. I’m sorry I didn’t stop to think about how _you_
would feel, or about how it was unfair and self-centered to do something like that.
I’m very sorry.”

“I forgive you. Thanks for being willing to open up about this,” Taehyung says,
which makes Jeongguk’s shoulders feel not as heavy. “So then… We can be friends?”

“We can be friends,” Jeongguk replies. “Just—no more casual sex between us or
anything, yeah? I don’t think I can do that any longer.”

“That’s fine with me,” Taehyung replies with a nod. They're both quiet for a
second, looking at each other, and then Taehyung asks, “Hug?”

It’s Jeongguk who leans forward first, before even nodding. It visibly catches
Taehyung by surprise when Jeongguk closes the space between them and pulls him
closer, wrapping his arms around him. The truth is, Jeongguk has missed this. They
saw each other the other day, but they didn’t hug or touch each other at all during
the time they were there. At times, Jeongguk wished he could have reached forward
and given Taehyung’s hand a squeeze, just like he’s used to.

He’s missed this—the feeling of Taehyung in his arms, and the warmth of their
bodies pressed against each other. He knows it’s still going to hurt, of course.
But at least, he has Taehyung back in his life.

Seokjin’s eyebrows shoot up when he walks into the coffee shop where he had agreed
to meet with Taehyung during their break, unaware that Jeongguk would be there. He
seems surprised to see them together, but there's a smile on his face as he takes a
seat next to them.

“Well, well, well,” he says, eyes going back and forth between Taehyung and
Jeongguk’s faces. Jeongguk can’t help but smile widely, feeling like he’s cheesing
way too much. “What do we have here?”

He’s not the only one smiling, though. Taehyung’s lips are also stretched into a
happy grin, one that Jeongguk doesn’t seem to be able to take his eyes off of.

“We made up,” Taehyung announces, moving his chair to the right to make some space
for Seokjin. “Say you’re happy for us.”

“I’m happy for you,” Seokjin replies, leaving his coffee on top of the table. “So
we can all go back to being friends?”

“You never stopped being friends,” Jeongguk replies, furrowing his brows a little.
The smile doesn’t fade away from his face, though. “Not to mention that half the
group is dating now, anyway.”

“Did you know Eunwoo and Sunny are official now? I thought they’d take ages to get
there, especially after suffering through Yoongi and Namjoon’s slow asses,” Seokjin
comments then, making Taehyung laugh lightheartedly. “But either way—you’re good
again then? Everything… solved?”

The way in which Seokjin’s eyes go from Taehyung to Jeongguk again makes Jeongguk
know that he knows a bit more than he lets on—probably the whole thing. You have
the fact that Jeongguk isn’t too good at hiding his feelings, and also that
Taehyung probably told people just like Jeongguk did, and their friends can talk
between themselves, too. As a result, Jeongguk is sure that everyone now knows what
happened between them, and that Jeongguk is head over heels for Taehyung.

Well, not that he cares much about them knowing.

“Everything solved,” Jeongguk says, looking at Seokjin before his eyes go back to
Taehyung. Taehyung nods at that, enthusiastic.

“Great!” Seokjin says, sitting up straighter. “Then we must arrange to do something

all together again soon. It’s been ages since we did that. I was just talking to
Jimin yesterday about how we both miss it.”

“Add Jeongguk back to the group chat and we can arrange that,” says Taehyung, a
hint of teasing to his voice. Jeongguk blushes then, remembering how he made sure
to leave every group chat he was in with Taehyung after talking to him. It’s
classic fall out culture, he guesses.

“Shush,” he replies to Taehyung, making Seokjin laugh. “Be quiet, heathen.”

This time it's Taehyung who bursts into laughter, and Jeongguk can’t help but stare
for a few seconds too long. There he is—just as charismatic and gorgeous as always.
His Taehyung.

⍭
When Jeongguk arrives at Sunny’s place, accompanied by Yoongi, he gets a strong
déjà vu of the first time he was here. He greets Sunny, who opens the door for
them, and as soon as they walk into the living room, he finds out everyone is
there.

He doesn’t quite remember how everyone was seated that one time, since it’s been
months. What he does remember is Taehyung sitting on the couch to his right, cross-
legged, his eyes on Jeongguk as soon as he appeared from behind the door.

When he walks in today, he finds himself in the exact same position. Taehyung is
looking at him, and this time around Jeongguk feels capable of looking at Taehyung
without feeling like he needs to look away after a couple of seconds. Jeongguk
smiles, Taehyung smiles. And then, after a quick greeting to everyone else,
Jeongguk makes sure to take that same spot on the couch that he sat on all those
months ago.

This time around Jeongguk doesn’t sit as far away as the couch allows him to, not
wanting to make Taehyung uncomfortable. This time around he looks at Taehyung right
after he's sat down, inching closer and pulling him into a loose hug.

“Hey there,” Jeongguk greets, watching Taehyung’s cheeks bulge up as he smiles.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

“Aren’t you shocked to see me here?” Taehyung asks, making Jeongguk laugh. Of
course, Jeongguk is anything but shocked—he knew Taehyung would be here. He’s just
teasing.

“It’s a surprise but a good one,” he says. Taehyung snorts by his side.

Their thighs touch, but Jeongguk doesn’t feel the need to run away from the touch.
There is still space to his left, in between his leg and the armrest of the couch.
He doesn’t move to occupy it—the weight of Taehyung’s leg pressed against his is
way better, in every single way.

“Happy to see you, too,” Taehyung replies, looking at him.

Jeongguk gives him a small smile, one that he knows Taehyung will manage to make
sense of. Even if Jeongguk himself is doubtful about what it means, he knows
Taehyung will understand.

Out of all of his friends, it’s Hoseok who tackles the topic head-on.

“Jeongguk, how come you and Taehyung are back to normal now?”

It catches Jeongguk off guard, making him lift his eyes up from his phone to meet
Hoseok’s. Usually, important conversations between them are had while eating egg
salad sandwiches, but not this time around. Jeongguk groans a little, clicking his
tongue.

“We just talked stuff out,” Jeongguk replies, not wanting to go into too much
detail. What they talked about is between the two of them, and it includes some
private stuff about Taehyung and his family that he doesn’t want to share with
others, much less without Taehyung’s permission. “He came over the other day and we
had a chat. Why?”

“I was just wondering,” Hoseok said. “Does that mean that you don’t have feelings
for him anymore, or…?”

This time around, Jeongguk sighs. He has complained to Hoseok about how it hurt to
be friends with Taehyung and deal with his unrequited feelings, so he understands
why he’d ask that. It was against Hoseok’s advice to ask Taehyung to not be friends
anymore, so…

“No—I still do,” Jeongguk replies. “But I don’t wanna lose him. I missed him, and
he missed me. We just aren’t sleeping around anymore.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Hoseok says then, nodding along. “You need to take
care of your poor little heart, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk smiles at Hoseok then, but it’s a grin that he has to force out instead of
a genuine one. There is something about Hoseok’s words just now that makes him a
bit sad—sadder than they should.

_You need to take care of your poor little heart_ , Hoseok said. Easier said than
done. Being with Taehyung in a situation where they have sex hurts. Not being with
Taehyung hurts even more. This… he has Taehyung, but the longing and yearning he
feels make his chest ache, too. Jeongguk wishes he could indeed find a way to let
himself heal, but for that, first he’d have to figure out what his heart needs in
order for that to happen. And right now, he has no fucking clue.

Jeongguk doesn’t mean to eavesdrop. He hates people who are gossips and spy on
others’ conversations, so he’d never do it himself purposefully. After coming back
from the bathroom while he hung out with Taehyung and Jimin at the latter’s
apartment, Jeongguk wasn’t expecting to come back to a conversation that wasn’t
meant for him to hear. He doesn’t notice until he’s about to come back into the
living room when he hears Jimin talk.

“And how did he take it?” he asks, leaving Jeongguk in confusion.

Despite the fact that they’re whispering, Jeongguk doesn’t think anything of it and
is about to enter back into the living room. It’s Taehyung’s words that make him
stop in his tracks.

“Just—you know Jisung,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk freezes upon hearing that name
again. He would be lying if he said that he hasn’t thought about Jisung lately.
More specifically, about Taehyung and Jisung. “He wasn’t happy. He was dramatic and
said that he didn’t understand how I could just break things off like that. I don’t
even know what's making him so upset—we saw each other once in the last month and
he was fine with it. Maybe it hurt his ego?”

It takes Jeongguk a moment to process what he’s just heard, but then three words
resonate loud and clear in his mind: break this off. Taehyung broke things off with
_Jisung_.

Is it bad for him to say that he feels kind of… euphoric about this? If Taehyung
was upset about it, it would be a completely different story. He would never, ever
be happy about something that could bring Taehyung pain. But he seems… rather
indifferent to it. Okay, yes—he’s happy. He is so damn happy.

“It’s probably that. No one likes to be dumped, even if it’s just a casual thing,”
Jimin replies. After a second of silence and in a more teasing tone, he adds, “Just
no more free piercings and tattoos for you.”

Taehyung and Jimin both laugh at that, which Jeongguk interprets as his opportunity
to play it cool and pretend he hasn’t heard anything. He didn’t mean to, he swears.
He just happened to be at the right place, at the right time.

Taking advantage of the fact that they’re both laughing, Jeongguk walks back inside
the living room and fakes nonchalance. He asks, “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” Taehyung is quick to dismiss, leaning towards Jeongguk with his phone in
his hand. “Look at this dog on Instagram, Gukkie. I’m so fucking in love.”

Jeongguk looks down at the phone screen, seeing one of those videos of a white
Pomeranian doing tricks. As he pays attention, his mind goes back to Taehyung,
Jisung and how they’re not seeing each other anymore. He wouldn’t go as far as to
call this a win, since he really didn’t win anything at all. But it’s _something_.

It’s easy to settle back into normal over the course of the next few weeks.
Jeongguk doesn’t find himself acting awkward around Taehyung at all, despite
everything that happened. While the two of them weren’t on bad terms, he didn’t get
to see Jimin, Seokjin, Namjoon or Sunny much, either, but much to his relief it
doesn’t seem as if any of their friendships are ruined, all of them just going back
to normal. It's one fear Jeongguk had, that their argument had done some
irreparable damage to the group. Luckily, things don’t go down that way.

Jeongguk missed everyone, even if he was too busy obsessing over Taehyung and the
pain from being apart from him to acknowledge it fully. Maybe it’s shitty of him to
only come to really realize now that they’re back together, but it’s just… it’s
comfortable. Jeongguk finds himself laughing sincerely, feeling his happiest when
they’re all back together again. The dynamic in moments like this is the best. He
loves hanging out in smaller groups or even pairs, too, but there’s some safety in
being like this. If he wants to talk, he can and he knows he'll be listened to; if
he just wants to sit back and observe, he can do that as well. It makes him happy
to be here.

There’s more truth or dare, more getting drunk, more neighbors banging on the walls
to get them to _'shut the fuck up'_ when they get too loud. There's Jimin laughing
and knocking down a cup filled to the brim with alcohol, but Sunny is way too drunk
to mind much—she’ll think about it in the morning. There's also Sunny throwing up
in the toilet, Hoseok holding her hair back and rubbing circles in her back as
Eunwoo looks worried from under the doorframe. Namjoon falls asleep sitting up, and
Yoongi takes that as his chance to squish his cheeks and make him pull ridiculous
faces. Despite all of that and how loudly everyone is giggling, failing to keep to
whispers, he doesn’t wake up.

None of them really get to leave Sunny’s apartment that night. Jeongguk is falling
asleep with his cheek squished against Taehyung’s shoulder, their limbs tangled in
the most uncomfortable of positions. Were they sober, Jeongguk knows that there is
no way in hell they’d manage to fall asleep like this, but he guesses they’re both
too drunk and sleepy to care.

Taehyung’s hands are cold, so Jeongguk makes it his mission to hold them tightly
and warm them up. And his last thought that night, as he falls into a happy and
deep slumber, is that he’s so happy to be here.

“I just thought of a perfect idea to celebrate that we’re all back together,”
Eunwoo announces as she sits down, squeezing her skinny frame in between Namjoon
and Sunny.

Taehyung, who was looking down at his phone, asks, “Haven’t we celebrated, like,
three times already?”

It’s true. They’ve met up at least three times since Taehyung and Jeongguk fixed
things, and each one of those times someone mentioned it was to celebrate. It was
one night out, when they went to a bar to have a few drinks, and both nights they
drank at Sunny’s. Right now they’re almost all gathered, with a couple of
exceptions—both Jimin and Hoseok are in class, so they’re missing out on this
impromptu reunion.

They’re sitting on the grass after decided to meet up during a break. Jeongguk is
positive Yoongi should be in class now, but he doesn’t seem too bothered by it. His
eyes are closed and he has his head tilted up to the sky, the sunlight bathing his
skin. Namjoon has his eyes on him and a stupidly fond smile on his face, and he
looks like he’s having to physically restrain himself from eating Yoongi up.

“But that’s stuff we do all the time. I thought about something special,” Eunwoo
announces, rubbing her hands together. Jeongguk looks at her expectant, waiting for
her next words. “How about we take a trip?”

Now, this is what actually causes Yoongi to move. He frowns a little, eyes
fluttering open and going to Eunwoo. “A trip where?” he asks. “I can’t afford
anything fancy.”

“I don’t mean a proper trip,” she says. “I just mean—how about we get on a train
somewhere and spend one night away, then come back the next day? It doesn’t have to
be far away. I just don’t want to go to the same places as always.”

Jeongguk thinks about it for a moment. Seoul is big enough that they shouldn’t need
to take a train and go somewhere to do something new, but that’s beside the point.
He… he likes the idea. There is something so carefree about the thought of them all
getting on a train together, messing around for a night, then coming back, having
had little to no sleep. He thinks it sounds like a fun idea.

“I like that,” Sunny replies—which, of course. Jeongguk wouldn’t even be surprised

if the two of them had talked about it beforehand before suggesting it to the rest.
Couples. “And it doesn’t have to be expensive.”

“I think it sounds fun, too,” Jeongguk intervenes then, earning himself a smile
from both of them. “We should do it this weekend. Finals are soon, so I think we
should do something fun before the torture begins.”
“But where to?” Taehyung asks then.

“As long as we don’t go to Ilsan,” Namjoon replies. “As much as I love it, I would
like to see somewhere else.”

He huffs dramatically as he says so, which makes the rest of them laugh. “I was
thinking a bit further away from Seoul,” Eunwoo replies. “How about Busan?”

“Absolutely not,” Jeongguk replies then, not missing a beat. He crosses his arms
over his chest as he says so, adding, “I want to see somewhere else, too. Not same
old Busan.”

There’s nothing wrong with Busan. Jeongguk loves Busan, loves the beaches, loves
the sea and loves taking any chance that he can to see his family. But he, too,
wants to have an exciting night somewhere else, somewhere he's not familiar with.
Busan… he’s done that a million times. He’s gone out a million times there. Not
very exciting.

“I wouldn’t mind going to Daegu,” Yoongi replies then. Always one to brag about his
hometown, Yoongi didn’t miss that one opportunity. Jeongguk wasn’t expecting him
to.

“I spend all of my summers in Daegu with my grandparents,” Taehyung protests, then.

“Let’s just take a plane to Jeju Island,” Seokjin jokes around, making all of them
laugh quietly. They’re silent for a moment, probably thinking about suggestions,
before Seokjin asks, “How about Daejeon?”

They all go quiet for a moment. Daejeon is far away enough from Seoul, probably
around one hour and something on a train to the south of the country. It’s a big
city, not as big as Seoul and Busan, but still big enough to guarantee they'll have
a good time. And none of them are familiar with it either. They all look at each
other, clearly considering it.

“I think that sounds like a good idea, don’t you?” says Sunny, breaking the
silence.

After that, everyone starts agreeing. Seokjin looks smug that it was his suggestion
that gets everyone finally agreeing, clearly pleased with himself.

“Then it’s settled,” Eunwoo says, also happy that her suggestion is now shaping
into a plan. “This weekend, then? Should I ask Jimin and Hoseok?”

“Go for it, although I’m sure they'll be up for it,” Taehyung says. Jeongguk agrees
—out of all the people from their group, Jeongguk can’t see Jimin and Hoseok as the
type to reject something like this.

“I’m on it. I’ll check the trains later today, and then we can properly plan this,”
Eunwoo says as she looks down at her phone, her fingers quickly tapping on the
screen. Jeongguk then feels his phone vibrate against his thigh, and so he assumes
it’s Eunwoo texting the group chat. “This is so exciting.”

“I’m really looking forward to it,” Taehyung says then, brushing the grass under
him with his fingers. Jeongguk can’t help but smile a little.

People keep talking around them, but Jeongguk’s eyes are still on Taehyung. He
keeps playing with the grass until, in the end, he turns around and gives Jeongguk
a tiny smile. He knows this isn’t going to help his case of getting over Taehyung
at all, but Jeongguk dies a little inside when he sees Taehyung’s grin.
⍭

Not much planning happens from that day until the weekend comes, honestly. Eunwoo
buys the train tickets for everyone and they pay her back, and that’s about it.
Jimin insists that it’s best if it’s candid and they just go with the flow. Of
course, no hotels are booked—they aren’t planning on spending the night there
sleeping away, they can get some rest on the ride back. As college students they
have done worse, for sure.

They don’t even pack a bag—Jeongguk just grabs enough money to make sure it will
last him for the night, counting money for all the metros they’ll probably have to
take, and drinks. Lots of drinks knowing them.

It’s Hoseok who meets up with him so they can walk together to the train station,
where they plan to group before finding their platform. The walk is a long one, but
Jeongguk refuses to spend money on transport. That’s some extra money that he
doesn’t want to let go of, as cheap as it is, and he’s about to spend close to one
hour on a train. Not a long ride by any means, but for someone like Jeongguk who
finds it hard to stay sitting still for long periods of time, it's longer than he'd
like.

They are, unsurprisingly, the last ones to arrive. It’s seven in the evening and
the station is crowded, but their group is pretty easy to spot among all the people
returning home from their classes and jobs. They’re all placed in a circle,
standing near the rails. The sight they are greeted with as soon as they approach
is Taehyung giving Jimin a back hug, arms wrapped around his body. The sight brings
an immediate smile to Jeongguk’s face, especially when he sees the way Jimin’s arms
are awkwardly pulled behind his own body in a feeble attempt to return the hug.

“Hello there,” Hoseok announces, making the rest of them turn around to look at
them. “We’re finally here.”

“Should have taken the metro like any normal person would have,” Seokjin
interjects, at the same time he crosses his arms over his chest. “What if you
hadn’t made it on time?”

Jeongguk knows that they got here with barely five minutes to spare, and that
probably this wasn’t their smartest decision ever. But they got here, they did so
in time, and so there is no room for hypotheticals.

“But we did,” he replies, Seokjin playfully rolling his eyes. “We came power
walking. Needed some cardio before getting here.”

“You’re so annoying,” Seokjin mutters, no actual bite or bad intentions behind his
words. Jeongguk’s attention is never fully on them, though, as Taehyung’s laugh at
Jeongguk’s comment drowned them. Jeongguk knows it wasn’t funny, really. Taehyung
is just too good, laughing even at the worst of his jokes.

Eunwoo interrupts Jeongguk’s train of thought, asking, “You all have the tickets on
your phones, right?”

She sent them through email to all of them, also reminded them to check whether
they had them or not a million times. Also said that, in case anyone forgot, she’d
have all of them on her phone. Jeongguk swears Eunwoo is _anything_ but a planner,
really. She isn’t organized or strict at all, so it’s surprising Jeongguk to see
her so worked up over this.

“We do,” Jeongguk replies, his tone a bit mocking. Maybe it could have gone by
unnoticed by anyone else, but not to Eunwoo.

She narrows her eyes, asking, “Got a problem, Jeonggukie?”

It’s playful. Her eyebrow raises, the corner of her mouth quirks up.

“None, noona,” Jeongguk replies, pulling the most innocent smile he can manage.
Eunwoo’s eyes stay on him for a second, narrowing even further before she looks
away and turns to talk to Sunny.

The train arrives shortly after that, and thanks to where they're stood, they
manage to get in pretty quickly. Since there are nine of them, all of them will be
sitting in pairs except for one. It’s Namjoon who ends up offering to take the
other seat.

“I was planning to sleep, anyway. I didn’t get much sleep last night,” he explains,
rubbing the back of his neck.

In the end, Jeongguk ends up sitting with Hoseok, right in front of Yoongi and
Seokjin. To the right, at the other side of the carriage, are Sunny and Eunwoo, and
behind the two of them Jimin and Taehyung.

For a little bit, Jeongguk talks away with Hoseok, but eventually he ends up
getting his phone out of his pocket and tapping away on a game. Next to him he sees
Hoseok get his as well, but scrolling down his socials and every once in a while
liking or sharing something. It’s about twenty minutes into the ride that Hoseok
stands up, announcing that he’s going to the restroom. Jeongguk nods, eyes still
fixed on the screen.

Less than a minute later, he sees from the corner of his eye someone appear to his
right, occupying the seat next to him. He doesn’t look, but faintly wonders how
Hoseok managed to be so quick. It all makes sense when he hears, “Hey.”

That, most definitely, isn’t Hoseok. Jeongguk knows that deliciously rich voice,
even if it’s hushed now. Realization hits him, and so he looks to the right, to
Taehyung, his phone now forgotten on his lap.

“Hi, Tae,” he greets, sitting up a little straighter. “How come you’re here?”

Taehyung’s expression changes almost in slow motion, his eyebrow quirking up at the
same time a crooked smile appears on his face. His tone is playful, albeit a little
sarcastic, when he says, “Wow. Happy to see me, aren’t you?”

“I am! I am,” Jeongguk rushes to say, blaming himself for the poor choice of words.
“I meant, like… Well. I don’t know. Point is, I’m happy to talk to you.” Taehyung
looks at him, still looking a little skeptical, and so he insists, “Tae!”

Maybe it’s the insistence, maybe the fact that Taehyung can see right through him,
but at that Taehyung laughs and makes himself comfortable in the seat. “So that
means I can sit here, then?”

“It does. Hoseok will come back from the toilet at some point, though,” Jeongguk
points out.

Taehyung waves his hand mindlessly, saying, “He can just take mine.” Jeongguk nods,
agreeing. “So…”

“So?”

“So you didn’t greet me just before, Jeon Jeongguk.”

Taehyung is a good actor, really. During the months they’ve known each other he has
proved that he's good at fooling others and pulling pranks, but Jeongguk has
learned to be able to see through that—well, kind of. He still struggles sometimes
but, right now, it’s clear to Jeongguk that Taehyung is teasing. Messing around
with him a little.

“We said hi to everyone,” Jeongguk replies. Then, playing along, he adds, “Why?
Should you get a special greeting?”

“Duh. I’m special,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk’s smile doesn’t falter, but he feels
his insides twist with something just then. Of course Taehyung is special—more than
Jeongguk could ever put down into words. “Aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are,” limiting himself to that before he says anything he might regret.
It seems to please Taehyung, judging by the way he smiles happily. “So how can I
make it up to you? For the lack of greeting.”

Taehyung stays quiet for a second, seemingly thinking about ways for Jeongguk to
redeem himself. It’s a few seconds later that he says, “Grant me one wish.”

“For tonight?” Jeongguk asks.

“No. For whenever I come up for something good enough. I promise it won’t be
anything that endangers your physical health, or anything that would get you
arrested.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Jeongguk replies, cracking into a smile. Taehyung mirrors
him.

“Shut up,” he says, even if he doesn’t mean it. Jeongguk knows he doesn’t. “So… we
have a deal?”

Jeongguk thinks about it for a moment, and about the implications of agreeing to
such thing—of granting Taehyung a wish. And then, after pondering it, he realizes
that, with deal or no deal, Jeongguk would do anything Taehyung asked. Seems like
the question answers itself.

“We have a deal.”

Daejeon is different from Seoul. It’s a big city, but it has none of the frenzy
that Seoul has. Jeongguk, raised in Busan and now living in Seoul, finds comfort in
big cities. Maybe it’s because they help him feel a little less lonely, maybe it’s
because the anonymity makes him feel reassured in a twisted way. The point is,
Jeongguk can’t see himself living in a small town, and the busy traffic and crowded
streets have become constants in his life.

However, sometimes things get a little… too much. Seoul is always full of people,
be it residents or tourists, to the point where Jeongguk finds it hard to walk down
the street and sometimes feels like he’s way, way too small for somewhere so big.
Sometimes, living in Seoul gets overwhelming. Not so much now, but during
Jeongguk’s first year living here, away from his family, he had lots of moments
where he wondered if this was for him.

Daejeon… Daejeon is busy, and when they arrive there are people on the streets, and
it’s in no way deserted. But the nine of them can walk together, he doesn’t feel
people constantly bumping against him even when they get to the busiest street of
the city, and Jeongguk doesn’t feel small. He doesn’t really know where they are,
and they have no plan of what to do, where to go. Jeongguk knows that, given the
situation, he _should_ be feeling nervous. But then, why isn’t he?

Luckily enough, the feeling doesn’t fade away. They go for food near the most
touristic area of town, not wanting to risk getting lost in a sketchy area. It’s
hard for them to manage to squeeze themselves all onto one table, but eventually
they find somewhere, and so they proceed to have dinner.

It’s then that they start having soju, getting started for what’s to come later.
Jeongguk makes fun of Hoseok for how quickly his cheeks and the tip of his nose get
rosy, even if he is starting to feel the effects of it go to his head, too.

Dinner is nice and full of laughter, especially when Sunny drops food on herself
and pouts for ten minutes straight, upset about not having a change of clothes.
Eunwoo squishes her cheeks and kisser her, which eventually brings the smile back
to her face even if there is now a sauce stain on her chest.

When they’re done, before leaving the restaurant, they make a quick Internet search
to try to find some bars and clubs to go to. Just like they suspected, there's
plenty for them to do in order to stay busy until their train leaves early in the
morning, and a lot of suitable places are nearby. They make a small itinerary,
which translates to Jeongguk saving a few names on a note on his phone, and after
paying they get ready to leave the restaurant.

The first bar they hit is a casual place, similar to the ones that they go to in
Seoul. At the far end he can see a couple of pool tables, which reminds him
terribly of the night he met Taehyung. His eyes linger on them before following the
rest of the group to the bar, where they’re going to get their drinks.

“What do you want, Jeonggukie?” Yoongi asks him then. The music and the chattering
around them is enough to drown his voice a little bit, but despite that Jeongguk
manages to hear him just fine.

“A beer,” Jeongguk replies, after thinking for a moment. He’s had enough soju for
tonight, so a change would be nice. And maybe, if they do end up going to proper
nightclubs and not just bars, he might have a stronger drink.

Yoongi nods before approaching the bar, accompanied by Hoseok. Jeongguk doesn’t see
Taehyung move then, walking away from Seokjin and appearing right next to him.

“Gukkie,” he calls.

“Tae.”

“Do you want to play pool?”

Jeongguk wasn’t good at pool when he and Taehyung met—he vividly remembers Eunwoo
and him losing to Hoseok and Yoongi. In the last few months he hasn’t improved much
—improvement would require any interest to get better and lots of practice, and
he’s had neither of those. Now, when Taehyung asks him to play some pool, Jeongguk
wishes things were different, though. He wishes he was any fucking good at it,
because God, he’s about to make a fool of himself.

“Okay,” Jeongguk replies, perking up now that he has Taehyung’s undivided

attention. “Should we go when they bring back our drinks?”

Taehyung nods, and like that, they have a plan. He doesn’t go back chat to anyone
else while they wait—instead, he stays by Jeongguk and chats away with him.
Taehyung is just as much of a lightweight as Hoseok and Jeongguk himself are, and
Jeongguk can tell by the way his words are a little slurred and he laughs more
easily than ever.

They’re usually touchy and affectionate, but that's all just heightened now. They
both giggle and lean closer to talk to each other, touch each other’s arms—Jeongguk
knows that from the outside it probably looks flirty. He wonders if it _could_ be
considered flirty, but he quickly shuts those thoughts down. He’s not letting his
feelings get in the way of this friendship that they have. Not again.

Eventually, Yoongi and Hoseok come back with their drinks. Taehyung, who doesn’t
particularly enjoy beer, is having some more soju.

“Should we go, then?” he asks, nodding his head in the direction of the pool table.
Luckily for them, one of them is still vacant.

“Yeah, let’s go,” replies Jeongguk, at the same time he stands up straight and
leaves. “I’m not really good at this, you know.”

Taehyung laughs a little at that, saying, “Then I’m so gonna crush you.”

Jeongguk is a competitive person—he always likes to come out on top, as petty or

stupid as these games are. This is why, when Taehyung tells him that he's going to
crush him, Jeongguk is weirded out by the fact that he doesn’t feel the urge to
fight back. He doesn’t even feel the urge to _win_ to prove Taehyung wrong.
Taehyung thinks he’s going to win? Fine, then so be it. Jeongguk sucks at pool,
anyway.

They make their way to the table and insert the money, Taehyung placing the balls
on top of the table as Jeongguk grabs the cue sticks. When he turns around Taehyung
is ready, waiting for Jeongguk resting his hip against the edge of the table.

“There you go,” Jeongguk tells him, tending one of the sticks to him.

“Thank you, Gukkie,” Taehyung then replies. Then, he adds, “Do you wanna go first?”

Jeongguk thinks about it for a moment, then guesses he should take as much
advantage as he gets offered to him. Taehyung seems confident in his pool
abilities, which is very telling, so Jeongguk sees no reason to refuse the offer.

“I would, yeah,” he says, standing up straight and getting to the edge of the
table. Then, just to make Taehyung laugh, he says, “Let’s get it.”

Taehyung’s laughter is still ringing in his ears when he leans forward and gets
ready to aim, and so naturally, his shot sucks. At least, he blames it on the fact
that he was being distracted by Taehyung’s stupidly cute laughter. On the next
shot, he tells himself he did terribly because the memory of how good Taehyung’s
ass looked as he leaned over the table was clouding his mind. After that one, it’s
Taehyung bragging about how well he’s doing which makes him fail. By the fourth
one, Jeongguk is already starting to accept that he sucks at pool and really has no
one to blame but himself.

Taehyung turns out to be pretty good, really. Maybe not as good as Hoseok and
Yoongi are, but the truth is that those two play pool more often than most people,
so it’s justified. He aims nicely and his shots come out as clean and decided, as
opposed to Jeongguk’s random ones. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, other
than hitting some colored balls.

“You told me that you were bad at it,” Taehyung says after Jeongguk miserably fails
another shot, “not that you didn’t know how to play at all.”

“Listen! I’m getting distracted,” Jeongguk replies, trying to justify himself.

Maybe it’s a combination of both, really. “I know how to play.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a lesson?” Taehyung asks, tilting his head up.

And, okay—that’s cocky. Jeongguk can see a certain playfulness to it, and so he
says, “Are you offering?”

“I just think you could use one,” Taehyung replies to him, showing a half-smile.

“I think I'm going to have to decline for now,” Jeongguk replies, making Taehyung
laugh lightheartedly. “Maybe next time.”

“So does that mean you’re letting me kick your ass next time?”

“Shit—shut up!”

In the end, and unsurprisingly enough, Taehyung wins. As a prize Jeongguk buys him
another drink, both of them clinking their bottles and taking a sip before finally
making their way back to their friends.

They don’t stay at that bar for much longer after that. Bar-hopping is a lot more
fun than staying in the same place all night, Jeongguk thinks, so he happily agrees
and pulls out his phone to check the list of places to go. Over the course of the
next couple of hours they go from one place to another, all nine of them having fun
together. Jeongguk is sure that there's some pretty embarrassing footage of Seokjin
and him attempting limbo with Yoongi’s and Sunny’s arms posted on Eunwoo’s
Instagram, but he’s far too euphoric to care.

Taehyung laces their arms together during the walk from one bar to another, and
they both stay a little behind. Nothing is said, really. But Taehyung’s body is
warm and right next to Jeongguk’s, and that makes up for any words.

It’s almost one when they decide to move to nightclubs instead. Jeongguk doesn’t
want to drink anymore—he doesn’t think it would be a good idea to get absolutely
wasted, plus he wants to have enough money left in case something unplanned
happens. They’re all starting to get loud and rowdy, which Jeongguk knows is their
cue they should probably stop drinking.

The club they get to is packed, but not crowded enough to feel too overwhelming. Or
maybe Jeongguk is far too tipsy to care just now—that could be a possibility, too.
They skip the drinks and go straight to what they do best: having fun together.

Jeongguk laughs, dances away with Hoseok and screams the lyrics to every song he
knows. His throat is sore and his feet are aching, but there is a happy and warm
feeling in the pit of his stomach that just keeps him going on, and on, and on.

To him, it’s crazy to think about _this_. He never thought he would find people
that would make him feel this way, like he’s found his place in the world. Oddly
enough, said place is not really… a place. It’s them. They could be in Seoul, in
Daejeon or at the end of the fucking world, and Jeongguk knows that he’d still feel
like they were meant to be there all along, together.

Jeongguk knows he’s forever going to be grateful for moments like this, of times
like this. Seokjin’s arm is around his neck, keeping him close as they dance to the
rhythm of the music, and Jeongguk feels like he knows what love and to be loved
feels like. He’s always heard those lines about how friends are the family one
chooses, and right now he thinks he understands that.

He snaps out of his adrenaline induced haze when he feels long, skinny fingers wrap
around his arm. The palm pressing against his skin is cold even with how warm it is
inside the club, and Jeongguk knows before looking that it’s Taehyung. He has
become so used to his touch that he could recognize it blindly.

Jeongguk turns to look at Taehyung, their eyes meeting right as the purple neon
lights paint pretty shapes on Taehyung’s face. He looks ridiculously beautiful even
like this, in the dark, with messy hair and purple streaks on his cheeks.

“Go out with me for a second?” Taehyung asks.

Jeongguk nods, feeling Seokjin’s arm slide away from his shoulder as the other
keeps dancing. “Is everything okay?” he asks before Taehyung has the chance to turn
around.

He remembers the last time he randomly followed Taehyung out of a club, and it
doesn’t bring back good memories. But Taehyung smiles, happily, and that eases
Jeongguk.

“Everything’s good. Come on.”

This time around, Taehyung does spin on his heels and start walking away. Jeongguk
follows him closely, his fingers circled around Taehyung’s wrist so he doesn’t lose
him in the crowd as they walk out.

After a couple of minutes they're outside, and only then Jeongguk notices how badly
he needed a breath of fresh air. It’s chilly outside, now that he’s left his jacket
back inside the club, but he thinks he’ll manage.

They walk in silence for a little, until Taehyung moves to sit down on the edge of
the sidewalk, Jeongguk mimicking him. Jeongguk wants to know what Taehyung called
him here for, but he doesn’t want to ask and pressure him. If Taehyung called him
here, he'll be the one to speak when he considers himself ready for it. Jeongguk
can wait.

And in the end, Taehyung does break his silence. “I got my mom to seek help,” he
says, blunt and straight-forward.

Jeongguk’s lips part, speechless for a moment. He’s not going to lie—there have
been times where he has been curious about what the situation was after going with
Taehyung to the hospital. He never asked, though, because he didn’t want to seem
invasive or like he was trying to pry into his private life.

“Really? That’s so good, Tae. Is she seeing someone then?” Jeongguk asks, again
trying to sound both interested and not too nosy.

“Yeah—I got her to see a psychologist. They had their first session this
Wednesday,” Taehyung replies, hugging his knees close to his body. “It took a lot
of convincing, but in the end she agreed to see someone. I think it’s gonna be good
for her,” Taehyung says, his tone soft and calmed. “I really do hope it works out.”

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung, feeling the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile.
Every part of Jeongguk is screaming at him to just reach forward and pull Taehyung
into a tight hug right now. He’s clumsy with words, but he thinks his hugs are
alright, a good way to let Taehyung know that he’s here, as he promised, and that
he’s happy for him. For her.

So, he does just that. He reaches forward and wraps his arms around Taehyung’s
shoulders, pulling him closer. Taehyung sighs happily as he returns the hug, his
hands finding Jeongguk’s waist and wrinkling the fabric of his t-shirt in his
fists.

“I know it will,” he says, knowing he’s making a statement about something that he
doesn’t know for certain. Something in his chest tells him that he’s not wrong,
though. “It will be good for her. Things are going to be alright, Taehyung.”

_And whether they do or not, I will always be here_ , he’s about to say. He bites
his tongue to keep quiet.

“Thank you, Jeongguk,” Taehyung replies, low. It doesn’t sound sad, though. “You’re
so, so good.”

They stay like that for a while. Jeongguk feels his skin tingle, especially when
Taehyung slots his head on his neck and rests his forehead against his shoulder.
The music from the club can still be heard in the background, as well as some loud
party-goers who are getting some fresh air too. Regardless of that, it still feels
incredibly soothing to be out here with Taehyung, right now.

It’s only once they’re both sitting up straight, the embrace now over, that either
of them talk. Once again, it’s Taehyung to break the silence.

“Gukkie, can I ask you a question?” he says, voice still just above a whisper.

“You just did,” Jeongguk replies, which makes Taehyung huff. Jeongguk laughs a
little before adding, “Of course you can. Ask away.”

“Do you believe in happy endings?”

This catches Jeongguk off guard. It’s not something he has ever given much thought
to, not to the point where he already has a definite answer. Instead of that, he
has to reflect about it now, trying his best to come out with an answer, and
quickly.

“I don’t believe in fairy-tale-like happy endings,” Jeongguk replies. This much he

knows for sure. “I don’t believe in perfect endings where absolutely nothing is out
of place—maybe it’s happened to some people before, but I don’t think that's how
life just… works for everyone. But I do think it’s possible for happy endings to
exist. Even if not everything about the story is happy, even if some things are
left unresolved. I do think it’s possible to be happy, even then.”

“I was always a bit skeptical of them,” Taehyung replies, after a nod. “Precisely
because I thought it was impossible to have a life where you felt at ease with…
everything. I’ve always felt like some things that have happened to me before would
always dampen my life, and make me feel unable to feel completely happy. Like—with
my parents’ divorce, and my mom’s situation. I never thought I would be able to
consider myself happy, because that would always be there to ruin it.”
“And what do you think now?” Jeongguk asks.

Taehyung sighs. “For a long time I didn’t feel happy at all, just tried to fill all
the little voids. And then, for some time I think I felt happy, but felt like I was
too selfish to embrace it considering everything else going on, so I tried to
convince myself otherwise,” Taehyung explains. “But right now… Right now, I think I
feel pretty good.”

Jeongguk might not be the smartest, but he has a good memory. He remembers being in
the taxi with Taehyung, right after he had been told his mom had had an overdose,
and Taehyung asked him if this would last forever—if he’d always feel sad. It makes
his heart swell up to see Taehyung now saying that he feels good. Saying that he
feels happy. It’s been a few months, but a lot has happened during them. Taehyung
feels more comfortable, more at ease with himself and the world. Knowing that
things with his mom are going somewhere, Jeongguk can see why that wouldn't be.

“That’s so good, Taehyung,” Jeongguk replies. He reaches forward and gives

Taehyung’s knee a little squeeze, reassuring. After that, he lets go and his hand
goes back to resting on the concrete of the sidewalk. “It makes me happy that
you’re happy.”

“And it makes me happy that you’re happy that I’m happy,” Taehyung retorts, not
missing one second.

The reply makes Jeongguk laugh as he shakes his head a little. “Never-ending
happiness for both of us then, huh?” he asks.

He’s shocked when he feels the warmth of Taehyung’s hand on top of his, his bigger
palm enveloping Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk looks at Taehyung, their eyes fixated on each
other’s as Taehyung says, “I hope so.”

Jeongguk tries his best to not look too much into it. He curses himself in his mind
for how his heart skips a beat, how it clenches in this moment. At the same time,
he hates and loves how significant this feel, how just one look and the feeling of
Taehyung’s palm covering his are enough to make goosebumps rise on his skin.

Before Jeongguk has the time to do something stupid, like blurting out how Taehyung
looks absolutely ravishing tonight, their friends start coming out. As soon as they
hear Jimin’s laughter Taehyung quickly retreats his hand, both of them looking in
the direction of the club a good ten meters away. He's walking side by side with
Yoongi, both with their arms around each other.

“What are you two doing out here?” Yoongi calls, at the same time Jeongguk watches
Namjoon, Hoseok and Seokjin leave the club too. “You’ve been gone for, like, half
an hour.”

Jeongguk can’t help but feel a little surprised at that. He knew he and Taehyung
were gone for a while, but he didn’t think it’d be more than fifteen minutes. Half
an hour… that’s twice as much as Jeongguk suspected, honestly. It shouldn’t shock
him, since time always flies past when he’s with Taehyung, but it still does.

“It feels nice out here,” Taehyung replies. “Where’d you leave Sunny and Eunwoo?”

“They went to the bathroom. They’re coming out now,” Hoseok explains, at the same
time he stops next to them. He drops something on Jeongguk’s lap, which startles
him a little. “Your jacket.”

“Oh! Thank you so much,” Jeongguk replies. He had already forgotten everything
about his jacket. He’s glad to have it back, since the chillness of the night is
starting to get to him. “What are we gonna do now?”

“It’s half past four,” Yoongi says, locking his phone and putting it away. “Should
we go somewhere else?”

Jeongguk knows he's starting to crash down from the high, the effects of the
alcohol now starting to fade after spending over three hours in the club, dancing.
He knows it’s the same for everyone else—with Taehyung, it was easy to tell when
the two of them were alone. As for the rest, they look more sobered up now.

God, it’s barely four and they're all done already. Does this mean they’re getting
old?

It’s not too long until Sunny and Eunwoo come out, and now Hoseok and Namjoon have
joined Taehyung and Jeongguk sitting on the pavement. The two of them at least look
a little more lively, laughing together about something. Sunny is wearing heels,
but despite that and the fact that Eunwoo only has flat shoes on, she still looks
tiny next to her girlfriend.

“At last,” Jimin says when they come out, wanting to tease them. “We’ve been
waiting for a while for you two.”

“There was a queue,” Eunwoo replies, waving it off with her hand. “What do you guys
look so dead for?”

“I think I’ve had enough for tonight,” Namjoon replies, voicing what probably most
of them are thinking. Yoongi nods, and so does Taehyung next to Jeongguk. “It’s
four already.”

Jeongguk thinks that Namjoon’s and Eunwoo’s perceptions of _already_ are a bit
different. For Namjoon, who is in addition running on little sleep, four in the
morning is a very decent time to call it a night—Jeongguk wholeheartedly agrees.
But for Eunwoo, Jeongguk knows four is still early. She has kept Jeongguk out until
eight in the morning plenty of times, and he knows she could manage to do it again,
since he's easy to convince.

Eunwoo just cocks her head to the right, gives a smile and asks, “Should we get
going, then?”

The subway isn’t open yet, so they start walking to the train station. They have
plenty of time, anyway. Their goal was to be there at the station by five thirty,
so they probably should have to get going soon, to be fair.

Some cars drive past them, but the streets are mostly empty now, the lights of the
buildings around them turned off. Jeongguk listens to the sound of Sunny’s heels
clicking against the concrete and the hushed conversation between Hoseok and
Taehyung, but he doesn’t really intervene. He’s more of a listener than a talker,
so he’s happy to just listen to it.

They take it slow, and so it’s two minutes before half past five that they arrive
at the station. It’s the earliest train to Seoul they’re taking and it’s a Saturday
morning, but despite that more and more people keep coming as six on the dot
approaches. They’re all sitting on the benches, away from the railway tracks, this
time their will to get on the train weaker than their weariness.

They only really move when the notice that their train is about to arrive is
announced through the loudspeakers, Hoseok pulling at Jeongguk’s arms to get him to
stand. After that it’s only a matter of minutes until the train arrives, and
finally they can get on.
Jeongguk can’t be bothered with sitting arrangements now, so he just takes the
number that comes written on the ticket Eunwoo emailed him and sits there. He plans
to sleep the whole ride, and he’s pretty sure everyone else will, too.

It’s Taehyung who follows him, sitting right to Jeongguk’s right, just like he had
on the previous trip when Hoseok went to the bathroom. He smiles a little at
Jeongguk, smile and tired, and says, “Hi.”

“Hey,” Jeongguk replies. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too.”

They stay quiet after that, no more words being exchanged between them. The sound
of people coming on to the train, talking and walking around them keeps Jeongguk
awake for a little, but luckily it all dies down when the train starts moving. He
takes one last look at Taehyung, at the slope of his nose and the way his lips are
slightly parted. His eyes are closed already, thick lashes pointing down to his
cheeks.

And after, Jeongguk closes his eyes and, at last, lets himself fall asleep.

Taehyung and Jeongguk lie together on the floor of Jeongguk’s living room, after a
long evening of studying together. It’s been around thirty minutes since they
decided to call it a day and stopped studying, their brains fried from focusing for
so long. They had some instant ramen Jeongguk found at the back of his cupboard
after that, and now their tummies are full and content as they stare at the
ceiling.

“I spy with my little eye…” Taehyung starts, trailing off after those words. Then,
he adds, “Something red.”

They’ve been playing for the last few minutes, but the truth is that Jeongguk’s
living room doesn’t have the most decorations in it, so they’re running out of
objects. For that reason, to make it harder for him to guess, and also because he’s
too tired to move, he tries to guess without looking, just from memory.

“The ramen cup,” he suggests. He doesn’t know what else could be red in this room.

Taehyung laughs at that. “That’s _yellow_ , Jeongguk,” Taehyung corrects. Jeongguk

frowns for a moment, then realizes Taehyung is right. The ramen cups he brought out
are yellow. “I spy with my little eye, something red and long.”

Something red and long? What the—

“Oh! My pencil case,” Jeongguk replies, now remembering he left it on top of the
dining table, in Taehyung’s field of vision. “Was I right?”

“You were right,” Taehyung replies. “It’s your turn now.”

Jeongguk is quiet for a moment, trying to think of something. He sits up a little,

takes a look around himself, then lies back down.
“I spy with my little eye something black,” he says.

“ _My_ pencil case?” he asks, then. Jeongguk frowns. How’d he guess that fast?
There are a lot of black things in the room. “For real, Jeongguk? Right after I did
yours?”

“Hey! I’m running out things now,” he says, making Taehyung laugh. “Not my fault.
It’s your turn.”

“Technically, it’s your fault for not giving this place some life,” Taehyung
remarks. Jeongguk clicks his tongue. “I’m bored.”

Jeongguk turns around a little, moving his head to the side so he can look at
Taehyung. “Do you not want to play anymore?” he asks.

Taehyung shakes his head. “I’m bored of this already. Can we do something else?”

“Something like what?”

“Truth or dare?”

Taehyung’s suggestion takes Jeongguk by surprise. Jeongguk doesn’t think he has

ever played truth or dare in any setting other than a party, much less with just
one other person. It’s a party game, it’s a group game. He is a little skeptical
about this.

“Just the two of us?” he asks, voicing his reservations. Then, in a teasing manner,
he adds, “You know, if you wanna know something you can just ask me, you know.”

“Shut up—it’s not like that,” Taehyung replies. “I wanna play truth or dare.”

Jeongguk shakes his head a little, but in the end he gives in. “Fine—Taehyung,
truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to lick your own elbow.”

Of course, Taehyung can’t lick his own elbow. He lets out a scoff as soon as he
hears Jeongguk, but that doesn’t stop him from sitting up and trying. He grabs at
his right elbow with his left hand, sticking his tongue out as much as his mouth
allows, but it’s not working in the slightest. Jeongguk laughs, watching before
sitting up as well and trying to help Taehyung. No matter how long Taehyung’s
tongue is (and it really is long), in the end it can’t seem to reach his elbow as
his arms turn out to be long as well, so they both decide to give up. No punishment
for not being able to complete the dare, since Jeongguk appreciates the effort.

“Truth or dare?” Taehyung asks him once they’ve stopped laughing over the stupid
elbow thing. Jeongguk’s tummy is sore from laughing, and the smile still hasn’t
fallen off Taehyung’s face.

“I pick dare, too,” Jeongguk replies. “Need to match you.”

Taehyung hums then, think about it. “I dare you to make it all the way from here to
your bedroom in a handstand.”

It takes a few tries, since Jeongguk can’t seem to be able to hold his balance for
the entirety of the corridor, but in the end he manages. Taehyung records it with
his phone and posts it to his Instagram, but Jeongguk doesn’t mind too much. If
anything, he is _proud_ of being able to make it all the way from his living room
to his bedroom while walking on his hands.

It starts off like that—with silly dares that make both of them laugh and small,
innocent questions. Jeongguk asks Taehyung about his first crush, and in exchange,
Taehyung asks him if he’s ever been walked in on while masturbating. Much to his
embarrassment, the answer is yes.

It’s fun, and Jeongguk likes it. He likes to be able to confide in Taehyung about
these little, silly things that he wouldn’t even think about if it weren’t for this
game. He likes that Taehyung knows them, because he knows that Taehyung will
remember. He’s the kind of person to remember a random comment you make from three
years ago, and then bring it up when you didn’t even remember it yourself.

“Guk, truth or dare?” he asks once again, biting down on his bottom lip.

“Truth,” Jeongguk replies.

Hadn’t he been so distracted, Jeongguk would have noticed the way Taehyung bites at
the insides of his cheeks before talking. He would have seen his hands gripping his
ankles, now that he is sitting cross-legged. He would have noticed the shaky
breath.

All of that goes unnoticed to Jeongguk, who doesn’t see how Taehyung is a little
nervous before talking. Had he realized, maybe he wouldn’t have been so shocked by
the question.

“Are you still in love with me?”

Jeongguk’s lips part, because this isn’t at all what he was expecting. They’ve been
talking about stupid stuff, like crushes or embarrassing stories. This… well, this
is serious to Jeongguk. And he knows it’s something that Taehyung doesn’t joke
about, because he knows it’s an important matter.

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. Jeongguk doesn’t want to make things
awkward, he really doesn’t. But, on the other hand, he doesn’t want to lie to
Taehyung.

“Yes,” he replies, voice a little shaky. He clears his throat, then tries again.
“Yes. I’m still in love with you.”

It’s not pity that he sees in Taehyung’s expression, but damn him if he knows what
it is. Taehyung can be seen as easy to read, an open book, but he’s far from it.
That, in combination with Jeongguk’s inability to understand others sometimes, and
you have this. A very confused Jeongguk, and a very cryptic Taehyung.

“I see,” he replies. His voice is soft when he adds, “It’s your turn, Jeonggukie.”

And Jeongguk… Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to react after
this, if he’s supposed to ignore it or ask Taehyung why’d he say this. If he is
supposed to just act like it didn’t happen, or find out why Taehyung is bringing
this up again. Maybe he’s just curious. Maybe there is another reason.

All Jeongguk knows for sure is that his head, now more than ever, is a mess.

“Truth or dare?” he asks, having no clue of what he will say, no matter what
Taehyung replies.

“Truth,” he says.
Jeongguk inhales. _Why did you ask that?_ , he wants to say. Those words don’t
leave his mouth.

“What’s your favorite flower?”

Jeongguk’s words make Taehyung smile a little, but he looks somehow confused that
Jeongguk would ask that. Maybe he should have gone down the other route then.
Acknowledge Taehyung’s question.

“Sunflowers,” he replies, quick. He doesn’t waste time, immediately asking,

“Jeongguk, truth or dare?”

Jeongguk inhales through his nose, deeply. He’s not sure why, but he replies,
“Dare.”

This time around, Jeongguk does notice. Taehyung’s bottom lip quivers when his lips
part, and his hands once again nervously fidget. He looks down at his feet, then
back to meet Jeongguk’s eyes. Before he even speaks, Jeongguk already feels a knot
form in his throat.

“I dare you to ask me if I’ve ever been in love,” Taehyung asks.

The knot tightens, because Jeongguk knows that Taehyung wouldn’t just say this for
no reason at all. He knows Taehyung and, even if sometimes he seems random and
spontaneous, Jeongguk knows that there is an intent behind mostly everything he
does. Taehyung is smart, insightful. There was a reason behind this stupid truth or
dare game, and this question seems to be it. Jeongguk can’t help but wonder what it
is that Taehyung wants to tell him, or how long he’s been orchestrating this.

“Have you ever been in love, Taehyung?”

It’s hard to recognize his own voice because it’s shaky and strained. The lump in
his throat seems bigger now, making it hard for him to swallow.

“I thought I was in love with my boyfriend, but now I can see that we were young
and I didn’t really know what love meant back then. As you know, I didn’t really
believe in love when we first met,” he says. He makes a pause then, and the knot in
Jeongguk’s throat tightens. Could it be…? “But now—I think I believe in love now,
and not only that, but also I believe in it as something… good.”

Jeongguk swallows down. He knows that in Taehyung’s mind, for a long time, love was
just something that unavoidably always ended up in pain and heartbreak. Jeongguk
can’t blame him, because that’s all he had seen up until then, so why would he have
a reason to believe otherwise? But this, Taehyung telling him how his mindset has
changed—well. It certainly is something.

“Why’s that?” he manages to ask. “What changed your mind?”

“Because I see you. Because I see how you love me, and I see that you love me well
and that you love me good,” Taehyung replies, his eyes not moving away from
Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk feels the urge to look down, but he forces himself not to. Not
right now. Not with what Taehyung is saying. “And… and I think I’m in love,
Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk could never imagine one scenario where Taehyung would be cruel enough to
then tell him that he’s in love with someone else. Not after asking Jeongguk if he
was still in love with him and getting yes for an answer, not after bringing up
that he thinks Jeongguk loves him good. He still doesn’t want to let himself
celebrate, not yet. Not until he knows for sure.

“With me?” he asks. His voice is small, because he’s scared of the answer. Even if
he knows it’s terribly unlikely, he’s still scared.

“With you.”

And, God—Jeongguk wishes there was a way for him to put down into words how he
feels right at this moment. He feels as if there are fireworks exploding inside of
his chest, his skin rising into goosebumps just thanks to those two words. He’s
dumbfounded, unable to process it or say anything in reply. Taehyung has just told
him he’s in love with him. Taehyung has just told him he’s in love with _him_.

Taehyung loves him.

“You’re in love with me?” he asks, aware that he’s very much acting like a loser.
Who the hell is in such disbelief after being told that the person they’re
mindlessly in love with loves them back? “You love me.”

“I love you. I love you and—fuck, I think I’ve been in love with you for ages. I
was just too scared to admit it to myself and to you, because I’m scared. Because
this is all so new,” Taehyung replies, words overflowing. “And I know I hurt you in
the past, and part of the reason why I did so was my own inability to come to terms
with my own feelings and let myself love and be loved. But… I hope it’s not too
late, Jeongguk. Because I’m terribly in love with you, and I feel things for you
that I’ve never felt for anyone.”

It dawns on Jeongguk then that this really is Taehyung, his Taehyung, telling him
this. Telling him that he loves him in a way he’s never loved anyone else. Jeongguk
feels like the luckiest man in the world, and he thinks he has every damn reason
to. Because Taehyung isn’t perfect, just like no one is. But Taehyung is smart,
Taehyung is creative, Taehyung is lovable _and_ loving, Taehyung is stronger than
anyone he knows and Taehyung is fierce in his love. Taehyung isn’t perfect, and he
makes mistakes sometimes, but he is whom Jeongguk loves. Hell—he’s the love of his
life.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, the words leaving his mouth before he can even process
them. He doesn’t regret them once he says them out loud, though—he wants to kiss
Taehyung. He’s missed the feeling of his lips on his, spilling secrets no one else
will ever get to know.

“Kiss me, Jeongguk.”

And really—it’s been too long. Jeongguk surges forward at the same time Taehyung
himself does, and they meet each other halfway. The kiss isn’t their clumsiest, but
it isn’t their best, either. Jeongguk’s teeth knock against Taehyung’s lip when
they finally touch, and they’re a little uncoordinated with the way in which their
mouths move against each other. Despite that, it makes Jeongguk’s lips tingle in a
way no other kiss ever has, probably because now he knows there is love in it—and
not just from his side. Because Taehyung loves him just as much as he loves
Taehyung.

Usually, kisses start off soft and become urgent, needy with something more. This
time, it happens the other way around. When their mouths find each other for the
first time in a long while, Jeongguk feels like they’re kissing each other
desperately. Not only to make up for all the time they’ve lost, but also eager to
let the other know what their feelings are—love. Jeongguk has kissed Taehyung like
he loves him before, but he’s always been scared of letting too much of it shine
through. This time around, he doesn’t hold back.
But after that, it turns softer. It slows down, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less
passionate. Jeongguk feels the hairs on the back of his nape stand up, shivers
going down his spine. Taehyung’s tongue and his intertwine, and Jeongguk doesn’t
think he’s ever been kissed like this. Jeongguk doesn’t think he’s ever believed so
firmly that someone loves him.

They pull back eventually, mostly to catch their breath. Jeongguk rests his
forehead against Taehyung’s, goes a little cross-eyed to look at Taehyung.
Taehyung’s palm is pressed against the side of his neck, Jeongguk’s buried in
Taehyung’s hair. Their breathing is heavy and it fills the room.

Taehyung loves him.

“That’s…” he starts. Taehyung waits, but nothing comes after. Jeongguk doesn’t know
what to say, because he doesn’t think he knows any words that could do justice to
that kiss and how it made him feel.

“I love you,” Taehyung replies after a little, once he probably has assumed
Jeongguk won’t say anything else. He pecks Jeongguk on the mouth. “I love you. Fuck
—I love you so much.”

There’s so much that Jeongguk wants to talk about. He wants to discuss what he and
Taehyung are, where they stand after Taehyung’s confession. But it all can wait for
a little—he wants to make this exact moment last for as long as possible. Because
right now, while sitting in Jeongguk’s living room, limbs together as they keep
each other close, Jeongguk feels like he’s on top of the world.

Jeongguk knows that Jimin knows the moment that he sees the way Jimin looks at him
when they run into each other on campus the very next day.

“Jeongguk!” Jimin calls, stopping in his tracks at the same time Jeongguk does.
“How are you?”

“I’m good,” Jeongguk replies, only then noticing the way a small smile dances on
Jimin’s lips. “You?”

“I’m good. Same as usual—nothing new,” he replies, shrugging his shoulders. “But…
I’ve heard some stuff about you.”

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow. He didn’t expect Taehyung not to tell. He himself told
Eunwoo over text, that very same night. He asks, “What did Taehyung tell you?”

“Just a little something about a confession, also about some kisses and stuff,”
Jimin replies, feigning nonchalance. Jeongguk’s eyebrow arches even further. “But
he didn’t go into much detail, he said he’d tell me later today. Are you dating?”

He gets straight to the point, not bothering to beat around the bush before asking
his question. Jeongguk smiles.

“We still have to discuss that,” Jeongguk explains.

“You should date,” Jimin points out. “I bet you’re dying for him to ask. Well—I bet
he’s dying for you to ask, too.”

Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip. He hadn’t really given much thought about
who would ask to be honest. He just imagined that they’d end up eventually
discussing it and agreeing to date. Maybe not the most romantic approach, but…

“Do you think I should ask him?” Jeongguk asks then. He was wary of bringing it up
so fast, because Taehyung did mention that this is new to him. He doesn’t want to
scare him away. “Or is it too soon?”

“I genuinely believe you should—I don’t think it’s too soon, and I know Taehyung
doesn't either,” Jimin replies. After a pause, he adds, “If anything, I think you
both have waited for this for way too long.”

And that is true, Jeongguk knows. It’s been a slow burner up until now, from when
they first met to now, even if they were doing stuff casually. It’s been an
_emotional_ slow burn, but it’s been worth it. Jeongguk knows it has.

“I think I’ll ask him,” Jeongguk says, even if he still isn’t too sure of what
he’ll do. “Thank you so much, Jimin.”

“No problem, Jeonggukie,” Jimin tells him, giving him a happy smile. “I need to go
to class now—talk to you later, yeah?”

“Bye, bye,” Jeongguk replies, waving him off as Jimin starts to walk away.

Jeongguk resumes his walk too after that. He’s on his way to meet Hoseok, but his
mind is somewhere else now. It’s on Taehyung, and it’s on a question that he’s a
bit afraid to ask.

He doesn’t know how, but he’ll find a way. He’ll muster up the courage, and he’ll
ask Taehyung to be official. And he will soon.

Jeongguk doesn’t consider himself a particularly brilliant studier—just good enough

to get by. Part of it is because he isn’t the best at studying, part of it because
he doesn’t put in as much effort as he potentially could.

Despite that, finals season literally _drains_ him. He spends most of his time
sitting in front of a desk cramming, even if a lot of said time he is distracted or
thinking of something else. His head hurts by the time the sun sets, and so do his
eyes. It’s exhausting, and not only because of the studying itself, but also
because of the haunting pressure of exams. Whatever time in these next few days
that he doesn’t dedicate to university makes him feel terribly guilty, which
Jeongguk is sure isn’t the healthiest mindset to have.

This particular time he’s especially distracted, and it has everything to do with
the presence of a certain boy who occupies most of his thoughts. Not only that, but
he’s also texting him all the time, something that Jeongguk is also guilty of—he
texts Taehyung back right away, which literally never happens with anyone else.

It’s late in the afternoon now, and Jeongguk is sitting at the desk in his room
with his books open, but ignoring them as he taps away on his phone. Taehyung, who
is currently at the library, is venting out his frustrations after a long morning
of studying.

_i cant do this anymore_

_literally!!_

_can these weeks go past fast pls_

_It will be over before you notice_

_I feel like I don’t have nearly enough time for everything lmao_

_And after that you’re all mine_

_silly boo_

_i’m all yours already_

_i’m so tired though TT-TT_

_wish i could spend one day without studying all daaaay_

Jeongguk is about to reply with something like _I wish too_ , but then something
about that message catches his attention. _Wish_. It’s only then that Jeongguk
remembers the conversation that he had with Taehyung a few weeks back, when they
were on the train on the way to Daejeon.

_Wish granted_

_huh?_

_Don’t you remember?_

_On the train_

_I granted you a wish, didn’t I?_

_wait are you serious??_

_Yes_

_I’m taking you out today so you can relax_

_Is that okay?_

_!!!!_

_yes_

_YES!!!_

_need to go home pick me up there in 30_

_;3;_

_We’ve got a deal_

_See you later babe_

It’s thirty minutes later on the dot when Jeongguk arrives at Taehyung’s apartment,
ready to pick him up and take him out. Something that has been going around
Jeongguk’s brain since the moment he suggested it has been whether this can be
considered a date, but he is inclined to believe it doesn’t really qualify as one.
The main reason for it not fitting in the category is, simply, that he hasn’t asked
Taehyung for it to be one.

He texts Taehyung when he arrives, and within minutes Taehyung is coming down,
exiting the building. He’s wearing light washed jeans and a navy blue top, a big
smile on his face as soon as he sees Jeongguk.

“Hey!” he greets, enthusiastic. When he surges forward to press a kiss to

Jeongguk’s lip, Jeongguk welcomes it happily. “Long time no see.”

“It’s just been a couple of days,” Jeongguk tells him, accompanied by laughter.

Taehyung clicks his tongue. “Listen! That’s a decent amount,” Taehyung replies.
“I’m a bit clingier as a lover than I am as a friend.”

Jeongguk can’t help but feel butterflies upon hearing Taehyung’s words—a _lover_.
Taehyung is his lover. As for the clinginess, Jeongguk likes it. Not only does he
like it, but he’s also rather clingy when he has feelings for someone, so he takes
it as a win. He tried to keep his clinginess at bay when they weren’t more than
friends, but now… Some light, healthy clinginess never hurt anyone, right?

They walk hand in hand after that. Jeongguk hasn’t really planned much, honestly—he
hasn’t really had the time. When Taehyung asks where they’re heading to and
Jeongguk replies with the river, Taehyung seems pleased enough. It’s warm and
sunny, so it will be nice to spend some time outside. Especially considering
they’ve mostly been locked inside, cramming for the past few days.

When they get there, it becomes obvious that they’re not the only ones that have
had the same idea. The little walk by the river is definitely busy today, but not
busy enough for it to take away the relaxation. There’s a nice mix of both locals
and tourists, as well as people of all ages.

“Should we get ice cream?” Jeongguk suggests upon spotting one of the stalls
selling some food. He’s hungry, the weather is nice, and it’s always a good time
for ice cream. At least, it is in his books.

“Oh my God—yes,” Taehyung replies, excitedly. “Let’s go get one. I want

strawberry.”

The walk together to the stall, and only once they’re there do they let go of the
other’s hand. Just as announced, Taehyung picks a strawberry ice cream. Jeongguk,
who isn’t much more inventive, ends up ordering chocolate.

“Thank you so much,” replies Taehyung with a smile as the man behind the stall
hands over both cones. Taehyung turns to Jeongguk, asking, “Can you hold mine for a
minute?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jeongguk replies, taking the ice cream in his free hand as he
sees Taehyung reach for his wallet. “What are you—?”

“Both on me, please,” Taehyung replies, tending a banknote to the man as he ignores
Jeongguk’s question. The man gives him his change, and with another dazzling smile
Taehyung replies, “Thank you!”

Jeongguk waits until they’re at a cautious distance from the stall to talk.
Taehyung now has his own ice cream in his hand, mindlessly licking at it when
Jeongguk says, “You didn’t have to pay for mine.”

“I know I didn’t have to,” Taehyung replies, giving him a funny look. Jeongguk
frowns a little. “But I wanted to. That’s how dates go, isn’t it?”

It’s the mention of the word date that makes Jeongguk almost stumble, his eyes
beginning to widen comically. He asks, “Date? This is a date?”

“It feels like one, don’t you think?” Taehyung asks then, looking at him coyly.
Jeongguk bites on the inside of his cheek. “I like you, you like me and you’ve
rescued me from my obligations so we can procrastinate in each other’s company.
_And_ I bought you ice cream. Sounds date-y, don’t you think?”

The smile spreads across Jeongguk’s smile almost in slow motion. He nods, and says,
“It’s a date.”

Taehyung smiles at him once again, reaches for his hand and gives it a squeeze.
They resume their walking then, just to find a spot on the grass to sit while they
finish their cones.

It’s nice and easy—so stupidly easy. Hanging out with Taehyung has been from the
get-go one of Jeongguk’s favorite things to do, because being around Taehyung comes
so… effortlessly. They clicked right away, and Jeongguk has not once felt pressured
or uncomfortable because of his presence. Over time, it just became easier.

Right now, Jeongguk doesn’t think of anything more ideal than this. Sitting under
the gentle May sun, chatting away to Taehyung and having an ice cream. And as if
that weren’t enough, they get to pet lots of dogs whose owners have taken them for
a walk.

They take a little stroll by the river after that, unsuccessfully trying to look
for ducks, but eventually the evening approaches and it’s time for them to get back
home. Jeongguk insists on walking Taehyung home, and in the end Taehyung gives in.

“Just because I love you,” Taehyung replies. That earns him a kiss to his cheek.
It’s sticky from the ice cream, but despite that, Taehyung happily accepts it.

Maybe it’s just Jeongguk not wanting the last minutes of his little date with
Taehyung to end so soon, but he thinks that the walk back to Taehyung’s apartment
is short. _Way_ too short. They make it there and Jeongguk can only think about how
he wishes this evening could have lasted together—both because of spending time
with Taehyung, and because he isn’t ready to get back to his responsibilities.

Taehyung turns around a little, his arms circling around Jeongguk’s shoulders.
Jeongguk lets himself be pulled into a loose embrace, his own hands moving to
Taehyung’s narrow hips and resting there.

“This is the best date I’ve had in my entire life,” Taehyung comments. Jeongguk
must somehow show some skepticism, because Taehyung adds, “What’s with the face? I
swear it is! The in love factor definitely helps.”

Jeongguk laughs a little. “Tell me I’m your best boy,” he replies, wanting to hear
some praise. He craves it, just as much as he craves Taehyung’s love and affection.
“You’re my best and only boy,” Taehyung replies, leaning forward and pressing a
sweet, light kiss against Jeongguk’s lips. “Jeonggukie…”

“Yeah?” Jeongguk asks, pulling back a little as he raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

“I think I might get lost if you don’t walk me to the door of my apartment.”

Jeongguk frowns. It takes him a couple of seconds to process it, before Taehyung’s
words make sense to him. For some reason, just that sentence alone makes him feel
incredibly happy. The way he sees it, Taehyung wants Jeongguk to go just as much as
Jeongguk himself wants to leave. At the same time, it also makes him feel smug.

“Is that so?” Jeongguk asks, somewhat teasing. “We can’t allow that to happen, can
we?”

It’s playful, the way in which Jeongguk picks at Taehyung’s sides right under his
ribs as he opens the door to the building. And also the way in which, when they're
in the elevator, they pull each other in for another kiss, this one a bit more
daring since they're away from the public. Taehyung smiles against Jeongguk’s lips,
but then Jeongguk’s tongue lightly brushes against his bottom lip and he’s parting
his mouth for him.

They’re still kissing when the elevator hits Taehyung’s floor—luckily no one was
waiting outside. Taehyung and Jeongguk share a look, and then Taehyung is holding
Jeongguk’s wrist and pulling him in.

“Do you want to stay?” Taehyung asks as they step out of the elevator.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk replies. He swallows down. “If you let me.”

“I’m asking you to, silly,” Taehyung replies, smiling before starting to walk
towards his door.

It’s clear in the way that Taehyung’s fingers move over the padlock that there's a
certain urgency to him right now. He flings the door open and walks inside,
Jeongguk following close behind. He’s still kicking his shoes off rather clumsily
when Taehyung’s mouth find his again, distracting Jeongguk from his task.
Taehyung’s mouth is so hot and wet under his, and Jeongguk can’t get enough of it.
Of _him_. He wants all of Taehyung.

Taehyung’s hands hold Jeongguk’s waist, pulling him closer to him as he starts
walking backward in the direction of his own bedroom. They’ve been here before, and
Jeongguk knows the way well. He lets himself be dragged in, getting lost in the
feeling of Taehyung’s mouth against his and his touch on his body.

Jeongguk has had sex with Taehyung a lot. He’s had times where it was hot and fast,
with both of them chasing the release that they so desperately needed. There’s been
times where Jeongguk has felt like what was going on between was far more intimate
that the premise of their relationship would indicate, something that Jeongguk
knows is true now. They've had rushed sex, in fifteen minutes before Jeongguk had
to leave and go to class. They’ve had afternoons where they spend hours and hours
together, going at it on and on until both of them were sleepy and lethargic.
Neither of them feel the same, and neither does this one.

It’s playful. Taehyung has that coy smile on his lips that makes Jeongguk lose his
mind. At this point he knows exactly how to press each and every one of Jeongguk’s
buttons, and he makes sure to do so. Neck kisses as he undresses him slowly, right
before taking off his own t-shirt and letting Jeongguk stare at him for a couple of
seconds before he starts kissing down his chest.
He takes a sharp breath when he feels Taehyung’s mouth tease him through his
underwear, hot and wet against his clothed cock. He’s painfully hard now, but
luckily Taehyung doesn’t make his suffering last for long. Jeongguk grunts and
tries to quieten his own moans as Taehyung goes down on him, taking him in his
mouth and down his throat. His hand fists Taehyung’s hair, pulling at it lightly as
Taehyung sucks him off.

Eventually, it gets too much. Taehyung sucks his cheeks around him and plays with
the tip of his dick with his tongue, and Jeongguk can’t help but feel like if they
keep this up for much longer, this will end up way sooner than he’d like it to. He
holds Taehyung’s face and pulls him up, kissing him and tasting himself in his
come.

And Taehyung—God. He’s so damn _good_. He laughs into Jeongguk’s mouth as he flips
them around and decides to take over. He loves to see how flushed his cheeks are,
the glisten in his eyes as he looks up to Jeongguk. His hair is spread around his
head like a halo and, even if it’s surprisingly soft and tender for the moment,
Jeongguk ducks down and presses a kiss against his forehead.

It makes Taehyung smile, at the same time he holds the back of Jeongguk’s head and
pulls him down for another kiss. It ends up in Jeongguk kissing Taehyung’s grin,
but he likes it. It’s clumsy but sweet—just like they both are.

They kiss again and again, until they run out of breath and Jeongguk’s lips feel
tingly. Only then does he move to the edge of the bed, opening the drawer where he
knows condoms and lube are kept, and retrieves both items.

Just like Taehyung knows how to make Jeongguk feel good, Jeongguk knows the same.
He takes his sweet time to finger Taehyung open, kissing him as he does so. It’s so
stupidly hot to have Taehyung quietly let out the most pleasured sounds—sounds that
Jeongguk swallows down, each and every one of them. His back arches and his legs
clamp shut as Jeongguk works his fingers in and out of him, not fully satisfied
until he has Taehyung writhing on the bed sheets.

He’s been feeling on edge from the moment Taehyung dragged him inside his
apartment, and after that it’s been increasing to the point where he feels like
he’s going to explode. He presses the tip of his cock against Taehyung’s entrance,
and only really pushes in when Taehyung gives him a nod—confirmation that he's
ready.

Just like he missed every aspect of his relationship with Taehyung while they were
apart, Jeongguk missed this. He missed the closeness he feels right then, the
intimacy. He feels the tightness and warmth of Taehyung around him, even through
the condom. He loves the feeling of Taehyung’s warm, sweaty skin against his own.
He loves being in between his parted legs, inside of him. He loves _him_ ,
unconditionally.

Taehyung’s legs are soft when Jeongguk slides his hands down his thighs, at the
same time they share another kiss. It’s then that Jeongguk engulfs Jeongguk’s body
with his limbs, his ankles locking behind Jeongguk’s small waist and pulling him
closer, _deeper_. Jeongguk can feel how Taehyung clenches around him, and God.
Nothing and no one has ever felt like this.

Taehyung’s voice is low and gravelly as he calls, “Jeonggukie.” Something about

hearing his own name called in Taehyung’s voice like this, when he sounds so broken
and so needy, makes fire appear in the pit of Jeongguk’s stomach. He's starting to
come undone now, too, both so close to their climax that it's impossible they’ll
last for much longer.
“I love you,” Jeongguk replies, nosing at Taehyung’s jaw. He swears he feels the
elder’s heart skip a beat. “So fucking much, Taehyung.”

Taehyung moans, this time louder than the others. It makes Jeongguk’s hips falter,
but he picks his rhythm back up again. He can’t stop, not now.

“Fuck, Jeongguk—keep going,” Taehyung calls, his nails digging into the skin of
Jeongguk’s back. Jeongguk knows there will likely be red, angry lines there later,
an aftermath of their time together and of Taehyung’s pleasure, but he doesn’t mind
them. In fact, he wants them. “I love you. I’m so in love with you, I—oh, my God.”

It’s not the most romantic of times. There are no candles lit up around them, and
Jeongguk doesn’t hold Taehyung’s hand in his own as they come. It started off with
rushed, sneaky kisses in the elevator, and Taehyung’s room is a little bit messy
with some clothes scrawled around the room.

To Jeongguk, despite that, it’s the best. Because he’s able to tell Taehyung that
he loves the fuck out of him; because he can take everything there is in him and
give it to Taehyung. And so they kiss, and kiss, and kiss, and Jeongguk keeps
thrusting into Taehyung until he’s coming on both their stomachs, painting them
white.

Jeongguk kisses him through it, knowing it won’t be long until he follows. Taehyung
is so tight around him now, and Jeongguk is close to losing his mind. When he
comes, he does so with Taehyung’s name on his lips, being moaned against the soft
skin of Taehyung’s clavicle.

Taehyung. His Taehyung. With his golden skin and his silver-colored hair; with the
prettiest eyes in the world and the deep voice. All his to love and kiss. All his
to pull closer once they’re both lying in the bed, enjoying the after-sex laziness
and sleepiness. Jeongguk grumbles in Taehyung’s ear, and Taehyung just laughs, deep
and bubbly.

“So good,” Taehyung tells him, a hand running through Jeongguk’s hair. Jeongguk has
his eyes closed now, letting himself find comfort in the warmth of Taehyung’s body
and the nice feeling of his fingers massaging his scalp. “My best boy.”

Jeongguk just hums, his eyes fluttering open, and then sees the way in which
Taehyung fondly smiles at him. No more words are said, but they aren’t needed
either. Jeongguk knows exactly what they both think, and this time, he knows he
doesn’t have to worry about it being his own mind playing tricks on him. He knows
it’s not his heart trying to convince him that his feelings are requited.

Right now, Jeongguk knows they’re in love.

The next time that Taehyung and Jeongguk meet alone is two days after that, when
Taehyung invites Jeongguk over on his way from the library. Jeongguk, who wasn’t
expecting to see Taehyung today, can’t help but feel like an excited puppy at the
offer. He makes sure to pick up some takeout burgers for dinner and heads to
Taehyung’s making a walk that usually would be of around fifteen minutes turn into
ten.

He’s a bit disheveled when he arrives, but Taehyung doesn’t seems to care. He
greets Jeongguk with a kiss, pulling him inside while they’re still kissing and
making Jeongguk stumble as he takes off his shoes.

They move to Taehyung’s bedroom then, sitting on the bed as they eat their food and
watch something on Taehyung’s laptop. Jeongguk has never been a fan of eating on
the bed, really, but he’s weak. And Taehyung has very persuasive techniques.
Especially when he holds Jeongguk’s hand in his own and shows him a pout.

God, Jeongguk really hates how weak he is for this.

While they eat they don’t pay much attention to the show, telling each other about
their days. Taehyung complains about how he can’t wait for classes to be over so he
can one hundred percent focus on studying, and Jeongguk tells him about how half
his class is already skipping, anyway. Jeongguk laughs at Taehyung when a ketchup-
covered chip falls from his mouth and stains his shirt, and to get back at him
Taehyung pressed his cold toes against the exposed skin of Jeongguk’s calf.

“I’ve missed you today, you know,” Taehyung comments then, trying to look
nonchalant. Jeongguk doesn’t miss the slight blush on his cheeks. “My baby.”

“I’ve missed you more,” Jeongguk replies, leaning forward and pressing a kiss
against Taehyung’s cheek. “Come here.”

Taehyung laughs, letting himself be pulled closer to Jeongguk, who hooks his chin
on Taehyung’s shoulder. It’s then that his eyes fall on one of the takeout boxes he
got for them to eat, this one containing onion rings. Jeongguk bites down on his
bottom lip. Well, it’s now or never, isn’t it?

Jeongguk is a hopeless romantic, in theory. He's the one who loves romcoms the most
and he cries at every single proposal video that he sees on Facebook. He loves
love, but that doesn’t make him any less of a mess. He’s clumsy in every single
area of his life, and that’s not about to change now.

He came here today with the idea of asking Taehyung to become official, mostly
because it’s something he wants to get off his chest now. If Taehyung refuses he'll
understand and be patient, but he doesn’t see the point in delaying the question.
Despite that, he hasn’t really prepared anything—not a speech, not a cute way of
asking. He has nothing.

Jeongguk is a hopeless romantic, but he is a messy one.

He feels terribly cliché as he takes one of the onion rings from the box and,
holding Taehyung’s hand with his own, slides the ring on one of his fingers. It’s
the right hand, not even the ring finger, but then again this isn’t a proposal. And
this isn’t a real ring.

Taehyung turns to look at Jeongguk, frowns and with a smile on his face asks, “What
are you doing?”

“I think I’ve done enough babbling to you about my feelings and how much I love you
during the past few months, but let me repeat once again: I’m in love with you,”
Jeongguk says. Taehyung laughs. “I want you to be my boyfriend. I know this is a
bit new for you and I will understand if you say you’d rather wait a bit before
taking this step, but… Taehyung, I’m crazy about you. And I officially want to be
yours, and officially want to make you mine.”
The words come out on their own, without Jeongguk knowing too well what to expect
in response. Taehyung was smiling through the whole thing, so that can’t be a bad
sign, right?

His nervous overthinking is interrupted when, suddenly, Taehyung crosses the few
inches separating them and kisses Jeongguk. Jeongguk is taken by surprise, but he
doesn’t take long to reciprocate the kiss, eyes fluttering closed as he feels
Taehyung smile against his lips.

“Yes. A thousand times yes,” Taehyung replies. “God—I’m so relieved that you asked
because I had no idea how to bring it up. Even if I ended up with this thing on my
finger, ” he says, lifting up his hand and showing off the onion ring.

Jeongguk just laughs, pressing another kiss against Taehyung’s cheek before aiming
for his lips and dropping a peck there.

“So you’re my boyfriend, then?” Jeongguk asks.

“As long as you’re mine,” Taehyung says, looking at Jeongguk with honest eyes.

“I’m yours. You're mine,” Jeongguk replies.

They stare into each other’s eyes for a minute, Jeongguk not missing how widely
Taehyung is smiling. He's pretty sure he's doing the same, his eyes crinkling as
the pure image of happiness appears on his face. Happy—he feels so happy right now,
as he leans in to kiss Taehyung. Taehyung who loves him, Taehyung who is his
boyfriend.

“I love you,” Taehyung mumbles against his lips, the words muffled. Jeongguk shuts
him up, going in for another kiss.

Jeongguk can’t help but think of the conversation Taehyung and he had that one
night in Daejeon, sitting on the sidewalk. The music of the club could still be
heard behind them and it was a bit cold as Taehyung asked him if he believed in
happy endings. Jeongguk remembers so vividly how he had replied yes.

Jeongguk is happier than he’s ever been right now, but this isn’t their happy
ending, and Jeongguk knows that well. Because this, right here in Taehyung’s
bedroom, with a ketchup-stained t-shirt and cold toes pressed against Jeongguk’s
calf, is just a continuation of their story. A story that began when they locked
eyes for the first time in some rusty bar full of college students, the night they
met who was once Yoongi’s friend with benefits and is now his boyfriend. A story
where there were tears, a story where there was sex, a story where there were
countless afternoons where Taehyung made Jeongguk feel ridiculously in love. A
story that Jeongguk never thought would end up with him being loved back, yet look
at how things are now.

It’s not their happy ending—not yet. There's a lot to come: lots of laughing until
their tummies hurt, lots of pancakes at two in the morning and countless times of
realizing how Taehyung is, undeniably, the love of his life. Jeongguk wants it all.
If he's with Taehyung, he wants everything that life might bring his way.

**Author's Note:**

>
> Thank you so much for reading this lil monster fic and I hope you enjoyed. Once
again let me link my
[playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2VnybldEelbaUKgQ4xk12w) and the
[moodboard](https://twitter.com/aeterisks/status/1140301874349916162) in case you
want to check them out. Please let me know what you thought about this!! Love you
all and hopefully I'll post something soon. Until then feel free to follow and talk
to me on twitter! ♥
> ([twitter](https://twitter.com/aeterisks/)) ♡

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