He Chose Titans

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/1223362.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Category: M/M
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Relationship: Levi/Erwin Smith, Levi & Erwin Smith
Character: Erwin Smith, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Hange Zoë, Mike Zacharias,
Keith Shadis, Nile Dok, Petra Ral, Marie (Shingeki no Kyojin), Original
Characters, pretty much the whole cast
Additional Tags: Angst, Romance, Drama, Action, Love, Friendship, Canon Compliant,
Consensual, Worldbuilding, long multi-part fic spanning several years,
lengthy plot that intertwines with canon, Fluff and Smut, Trust,
Character Development, Relationship Study, Action & Romance, Pre-
Canon, Top Levi Ackerman, Bottom Levi Ackerman, Top Erwin Smith,
Bottom Erwin Smith, Switching, Backstory, Trauma, Healing
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2014-02-22 Completed: 2016-10-14 Words: 486,106
Chapters: 43/43

He Chose Titans
by masksarehot

Summary

Erwin swore he would never again be distracted from his fight against the titans, but when
an unexpected bond begins to form with Levi, he must decide whether he will follow his
heart or his head. [Erwin x Levi (Eruri), semi-canon prequel & retelling.]

Notes

[2014 note] The first chapter of this fic begins a little over a year after Levi joined the
Survey Corps. I'm pretty sure that as the manga progresses, actual canon will contradict a
lot of the choices I've made for this fic, but I'll try to write close to canon events where
possible.

[2021 note] A lot of folks have noticed that the links to various fanarts on my Tumblr are
all broken. I am hoping to fix the links eventually. Sorry for the inconvenience! I'm no
longer on Tumblr, but I'm on twitter as @masksarehot if you ever want to chat :)

[2022 note] I've swept through HCT to polish it in prep for a print version; I have updated
all the chapters now with the more recent versions -- mostly just fixing typos.
 Promotions (Part I)

PART I

IGNITE

Everything began to unravel the night after Levi’s second major expedition. He stormed into
Erwin’s office, teeth clenched and fists tight:

“They’re all dead! Your strategy got them killed.”

“There can be no triumph for humanity without taking risks,” Erwin said. “Risks mean casualties.
It’s an unfortunate sacrifice we must all make.”

“They’re all dead.” Levi’s voice was frayed. “They weren’t just casualties, they were my fucking
team!”

The words tasted of blood and smoke, and when Erwin closed his eyes, he saw flames devour the
uneaten remains of Henrik’s torso, felt forgotten tears run down his face: Don’t you dare call him a
‘casualty’. He was a person, not a statistic.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and drew himself upright, reciting the words his Commander
had given him that night, so many years ago: “When we enlist in the Survey Corps, we are asked if
we are willing to give our lives for the sake of humanity. Your team fulfilled their vows and made
the ultimate sacrifice, and we are all proud of them.” The words sounded emptier leaving his
mouth than they did in his memory. Had they been just as empty then, too?

And Levi, brave Levi, who had risked his life on the streets for scraps of food, who could fell more
titans in a single expedition than most soldiers in a lifetime, dropped to his knees and began to
weep.

It was a scene that had replayed countless times and would replay countless more: every member
of the Survey Corps had this breakdown at some point, even the strongest soldiers. If Erwin had
steeled himself and let him mourn alone, their bond would have cemented at a distance, a bond of
respect and professionalism and nothing more.

Instead, memories still fresh on his mind, he knelt beside the weeping man and draped an arm
across his shoulders. Levi fell against him, a hand twisting into his shirt, body heaving with sobs.
His form was small and warm, and Erwin instinctively curled around him, trying, for just a little
longer, to shield him from the horrors of the career he had forced upon him.

Though the incident went unspoken between them in the months to come, a very different kind of
bond began to take shape.

-1-

Promotions

March 846
As Erwin stepped through the doorway, he was surprised to see Captain Anke sitting across from
Commander Shadis. For Erwin to be called into his Commander’s office at eight o’clock at night
wasn’t unheard of, as they had spent many late nights together working on strategies for
expeditions. Anke’s presence, however, was unexpected; she preferred to execute plans, not help
create them. She was plaiting damp red hair in a braid over her shoulder, and when her eyes locked
with his, she gave him a little shrug, evidently as confused about her presence as he was. Shadis,
meanwhile, was sorting a pile of files into two stacks on his desk, his brows heavy, his jaw set.

“You wanted to see me?” Erwin asked, saluting.

“Ah, Erwin.” Shadis finished sorting the files, then looked up at him with a polite smile. “Close
the door and take a seat. Thank you for coming on such short notice. I apologize for taking both of
you away from your leisure time.”

It wasn’t like him to be so formal, and Erwin immediately began to anticipate bad news. He
strained his vision to read the files on the desk. Personnel; Mike’s file was at the top of one stack,
Levi’s at the top of the other. Taking a seat beside Anke, he said, “I assume this is about the Squad
Leader vacancy?”
“Partly.” Shadis leaned back in his chair, folding his hands on top of the desk. His gaze, deep-set
and rimmed with dark hollows, intimidated most who met him, but Erwin saw the gaze for what it
really was: fatigue. Lately, the hollows had been growing, so it was no surprise to hear the next
words:

“I’m retiring from the Survey Corps. Effective the end of this week, I’ll be making the transition to
training new recruits.”

Erwin had been dreading this day. The two of them worked well together; Shadis had identified his
strategic abilities early on, and seemed to enjoy coaching him through strategies and proposals,
giving Erwin more responsibility than a Squad Leader should rightfully have. It was a strong
balance of mentorship and trust, one Erwin didn’t expect to find again.

“Anke, you’ll be promoted to Commander,” Shadis said. “Later this week, you’ll accompany me to
a ceremony at the Capital to formally transfer leadership.”

The woman’s hands froze mid-braid, her eyes wide. “Thank you, sir,” she stammered, her tone
conveying more fear than gratitude.

“And Erwin, you’ll be taking over as Captain. Since your position will need to be backfilled, that
frees up room for both Mike and Levi to be promoted. In addition, we’ve received funding for yet
another Squad Leader position.” He slid the two stacks of files across the desk. “Here are the short-
listed candidates from the previous round of interviews, several Team Leaders, and a few more
candidates I hand picked from the newer recruits. This is a good opportunity to start introducing
our new Squad Leaders to the bureaucratic aspects of their roles. Erwin, you and Mike go through
one set of candidates, and Anke, you and Levi do the other. Let’s identify the right candidate
within the next two days.”

Erwin began to flip through a stack of files, scanning the names. “This is all happening quickly.”

“I’m an old man. I’ve been doing this a long time.” Shadis fell silent, but it was easy to fill in the
blanks. They had neighbouring rooms, and Erwin regularly overheard yells from nightmares.

Shadis cleared his throat. “Anke, you’re dismissed. Erwin, stay behind for a moment.”
“Sir.” The woman saluted, then scurried from the room, her arms curled around her stack of files.

Once the door closed behind her, Erwin frowned. “She’s nervous.” He wasn’t certain how to feel
about that. While her fear didn’t inspire confidence in her leadership abilities, it did, at least, make
her more likely to listen to his counsel. He had worked hard to gain control of the strategic aspects
of the Survey Corps, and he wasn’t prepared to give that up.

“She just needs time to get used to the idea. The two of you will do a fine job of leading this ragtag
group, and I’m going to have a hell of a good time scaring the shit out of trainees.” There was a
long pause, then Shadis’ voice softened. “I want you to understand why she was promoted ahead of
you.”

“I assumed it was because she outranked me.”

“This conversation is long overdue. I’m supposed to be your mentor, Erwin, and there are a few
things you need to learn before you can lead this group. You’re an excellent strategist, no question.
Your drive to free humanity is unmatched, and your ability to separate your heart and your head
makes you a brilliant tactician.” He paused. “But it makes you a shitty leader.”

Though Erwin managed to keep his face perfectly neutral, his pulse began to rise. “I’m not sure I
understand.”

“Think about all the times I’ve had to suggest more caution to your strategies. If you see the people
around you as chess pieces, you start to make risky sacrifices in order to win the game; you forget
they’re people with fears, with morale. It’s not sustainable to cast them endlessly to their deaths. If
you do, you’re going to end up with a company that despises you, a company so crippled by fear
that it can’t even fight.”

For the first time since Erwin had joined the Corps, his ego smarted. “I take morale into account
when—”

“You don’t understand it. You calculate it. You’ve separated yourself so far from your humanity
that you’ve lost the ability to empathize.” The sympathetic look on Shadis’ face only made the
insult more painful. “Anke has connected with the troops. She sees them as humans, and they
know it. If she asks them to die for her, they will go to their deaths without suspicion, because they
know she’ll only ask if it’s damned well necessary. That, Erwin, is why she is taking over as
Commander.”

The tone suggested the conversation was over, but Erwin wasn’t accustomed to having his
intentions questioned. He leaned forward. “Keith, you and I both know sacrifices are necessary if
humanity is to advance.”

“They are, absolutely. And soldiers will climb into the maws of a titan for you if they believe
you’re acting in their best interests.” Shadis stood. “It doesn’t take much. Grab a beer with the
troops now and then, talk to them, get to know them. You’ll find that they begin to trust you more,
which will serve your goals—and you’ll become more cautious about needlessly expending their
lives, which will serve theirs. Dismissed.”

Rising, Erwin saluted, thumping his chest hard enough to bruise. He grabbed his share of the files
and strode across the wooden floor, mind churning. That was about the last expedition , he thought
as he stepped through the door. He wants me to understand that I sacrificed too many soldiers for
too little gain, but I already knew that. His jaw tightened as he remembered Levi’s tears, felt the
small form huddled against his body.
“Erwin.” Anke’s voice made him jump. She was leaning against the hallway wall, still clutching
the files to her chest. “Can we talk?”

He stood tall. “Congratulations on your promotion.”

“Thanks.” Her voice wavered.

Shifting his files to one hand, he gripped her shoulder with the other. “You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll still be doing all our strategy. I can barely even read a map.” She shook her head. “This is
ridiculous. Why didn’t he give us any advance notice? It’s all so fast. I wasn’t even done washing
my hair! And why the hell didn’t he promote you instead?”

“He said I’ve distanced myself too far from my humanity.”

She squinted, looking just as confused as he was. “I don’t really know how relevant humanity is
out on the field, anyway. I’d rather follow someone who could distance himself, keep his wits
about him.”

He smiled, grateful for her confidence.

“Well,” she said, “it is what it is, so let’s deal with it one step at a time.” She held up her stack of
files. “What do you think —start this tonight? That way we can get all three of the new Squad
Leaders training together, save us some time. Maybe even get them working in their roles for next
week’s expedition.”

“I’m willing to do this now if you are, but we’d better be quick if we want to catch anyone sober.”
He could already hear the chaotic rumble of discussion and laughter from the end of the hallway.

“Then let’s get to it. Just one thing.” She pulled off the top file and held it out. “Take Levi and give
me Mike.”

His eyes snapped to the file, his pulse doubling. “Why?”

“Because the little shit actually respects you. How much flak do you think he’ll give me if I try to
force him into a night of bureaucracy?” She nodded dismissively at the file in her hand. “I don’t
have the patience for his crap right now. There’s enough on my mind already.”

He reached out a hand and delicately clasped the file. “Very well. I’ll work with Levi,” he said,
taking the excuse to say the name, because lately he had come to enjoy the sensation of it sliding
between his lips.

“Here.” Mike dropped into the seat across from Levi and slid a fresh bottle of ale across the table.
“We have some heavy drinking to do if we’re going to catch up to everyone else.” Around them,
the new recruits seemed more focused on drink and gossip than their upcoming responsibilities;
they had stampeded in three weeks ago to take over the barracks, tracking in shit attitudes and mud.
Their noise was a constant reminder of how silent things had become before their arrival.

Maybe Levi should have been taking the opportunity to get to know them better, but most of them
were going to die during their first expedition, anyway. The more attachments he formed, the more
pain he would have when they were severed. No, he was better limiting himself to the few
attachments he had already. He could count Mike among those, even if things were getting a bit
weird now that they were up for the same promotion. Erwin was among them, too, but things were
getting a bit weird there, too, for an entirely different reason.

“Noisy little brats, aren’t they?” Mike said, his nose wrinkling. “They reek of the city.”

“They reek of bullshit. All talk, no experience. Little pukes.” Levi pushed his other bottles aside
and lifted the new one for a swig, but paused.

Erwin stepped into the doorway, Captain Anke at his side, both of them clutching stacks of
documents. They seemed to be looking for someone, their eyes scanning the crowded mess hall. It
wasn’t like Erwin to show his face on a night like this—he usually spent his free evenings holed up
in his office with a stack of paperwork.

Placid blue eyes locked onto Levi. His breath froze, but he only responded with a casual nod,
because he’d be damned if anyone noticed him get flustered over a little eye contact. Erwin nodded
back, and that should have been the end of it, but lately, every glance between them lasted for a
beat too long, and this was no exception. Levi’s heart began to pound. It was a relief when Erwin
finally looked away; he gripped Anke’s shoulder and pointed, then the two began to approach.

“They must have decided who got the promotion,” Mike said, leaning forward in his chair with
anticipation.

Levi’s eyes traced the approaching pair, and he felt a flicker of disappointment as Anke began to
beeline for Mike. “Congratulations,” he said dully. Mike had been a member of the Survey Corps
for years, and he was overdue for a promotion, so their choice made sense. So long as I get to kill
titans, who the hell cares what my rank is?

But instead of stopping at Mike, Anke stepped to the head of the table, Erwin settling into place
beside her.

“Hey guys,” she said, her tone too casual, too forced. “We have some good news. You’re both
being promoted.”

“That’s great,” Mike said.

Instead of responding, Levi slumped in his chair. “Telling us in the mess hall, this late at night—
why all the pageantry?”

“We have some critical work to get through tonight,” Erwin said.

With a short, displeased sigh, Levi stood. “Please tell me I get to beat some sense into all these
screaming brats.”

“Much more mundane than that, I’m afraid.” Anke cocked her head. “Let’s pair off. Mike, come
with me. We’ll reconvene at ten in my office.”

As Mike rose to join her, Erwin grabbed his shoulder and leaned in, murmuring his
congratulations. Levi’s hands curled. It was a typical sight—Erwin was a close-talker, constantly
making physical contact with the people around him. Everyone, that was, except Levi. Ever since
the embarrassing emotional breakdown several months back, whenever the occasion arose for an
encouraging pat or a friendly shoulder grip, he only got a nod. It was just a touch, just a stupid little
bit of physical contact, but it was one more part of Erwin Smith that he didn’t have.

He pushed out his chair and stood.

Erwin turned to him and gave a formal nod. “Congratulations, Squad Leader Levi.”
Levi pushed past him. “Let’s get this over with.”

They walked down the hall in unison, Levi subtly stretching his strides to keep up. In his periphery,
he watched Erwin’s face, which, usually neutral, was set in a definite frown.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes.”

“Anke seemed nervous.”

“She’s being promoted to Commander,” Erwin said without looking at him.

Levi’s steps slowed. “What?” She was a good fighter, and an earnest and genuine leader, but not
someone he could see as a Commander. “What about you?”

“I’ll be replacing her as Captain.”

“I guess that explains why two Squad Leader positions were suddenly available.”

“Three.”

“Three? Who died?”

Erwin glanced back at him, face unreadable. “No one. We have some big operations coming up, so
we need more senior officers. You’re going to help me interview candidates for the third vacancy.”
He opened the door to his office and let Levi through, closing it behind them. The stack of files
dropped onto the desk as he took a seat.

Levi fell into the empty chair across from him, then flipped through the files until he found the one
he wanted. “This is who we need.” He tossed the file onto the desk: Hange Zoë, one of the newer
Team Leaders.

Erwin opened it, scanning the pages. “Difficulty working with others. Disobeys direct orders.”

“My file probably says the same thing.” Levi leaned back in his chair. “The Survey Corps has a big
gaping hole, and Hange can fill it. Anke’s good at motivating people; you have brains; Mike
smells titans; I’m good at putting them down; and so on. Between us, we can hunt and evade titans
fine, but no one actually gives a shit about what they are. We need someone eager to learn more
about them, figuring out all their weaknesses, where they come from, all that crap. Hange won’t
shut up about them.”

“What do you propose?”

“Interview shitglasses first, save ourselves some time if the fit is right. Unless you have a better
idea.”

“No, that’s very close to what I was going to propose. Good analysis.” Erwin raised a thick brow.
“Though since I’m supposed to be training you, I suggest you refrain from using the term
‘shitglasses.’”

Levi sighed. “So, what, should I go get Hange so we can do the interview right now?”

“I interrupted your downtime for this. I’ll go.”

As Erwin walked past, Levi caught himself slowly inhaling, breathing in the faint scent of cologne.
Now I’m smelling people, too. I’ve been spending too much time around Mike.

He wasn’t sure when, exactly, his feelings had evolved from raw hatred to this embarrassing mess
of hyper-awareness and racing heartbeats. His theory was that crying in Erwin’s arms had fucked
him up a bit, crossed a wire or two in his brain. Crying in front of others was not something Levi
did, ever, and maybe that moment of vulnerability had left him open to imprint on Erwin like a
chick on its mother.

Regardless of the source, the little crush was becoming distracting, more and more so as the
months passed. If things got any worse, he was no longer going to be able to look Erwin in the eye.
He was already treading on uncomfortable ground, with sordid thoughts creeping into his mind
whenever he had a moment to himself, and vivid imagery during dreams. He was supposed to be
killing titans, not trying to get laid.

Trying to distract himself, Levi rose to his feet and began to pace around the office. Did becoming
a Squad Leader mean he would get his own office, too? He would certainly keep it cleaner than
this. The desk was tidy enough, but the shelf along the back window was covered with tattered
books, fading stacks of paper, and dust.

Near one end of the shelf, a metal frame sat facing backwards; it had been there since Levi had first
set foot in this office, driving him mad with its chaos. Taking the opportunity to address the errant
frame head-on, he lifted it, wondering if Erwin would notice if he set it facing the right way. Inside
the frame was a small, fading drawing of a bird in flight, and written in ink below it was a short
message: Together, we will always soar. —H.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway. He hurried to set the frame back in place, but even with all his
speed, the warning was too short. The frame clunked onto the shelf face-down just as the door
swung open. Erwin’s gaze locked onto him, then drifted down to the frame.

As if nothing had happened, Levi sauntered to the desk and slumped against its side, leaving the
chair free for Hange.

“Please come in,” Erwin said after a moment, stepping out the way to let their candidate pass.
“Have a seat. I believe you’ve already met Squad Leader Levi.”

Hange hurried to the chair, auburn ponytail, sharp nose, eyes wide behind thick glasses. “Yes, I
have. What’s this about?’

Folding his arms over his chest, Levi said, “You like titans.”

“Yes. They’re fascinating.”

Erwin settled into his chair and opened the file. “You have a background in the sciences.”
“Specifically human biology, but I have a good amount of experience with chemistry, too.”
Hange’s eyes darted between them.

Levi studied their candidate, seeing none of the obsession he had overheard in the mess hall a few
days ago, when the entire table had been subjected to an hour-long lecture on titan behaviour.
Nervousness? Or maybe we aren’t asking the right questions.

Erwin must have picked up on the same thing, because he closed the file and folded his hands on
the desk, leaning forward. “You know, Hange, I’ve heard rumours that titans are mechanical
contraptions powered by steam. Do you have any thoughts?”

It was as if a light switched on. Hange gave a short laugh and sat up straighter, cheeks flushing,
gestures animated, speech rapid and erratic. “Well, I know we associate steam with the titans, but
anyone who says they’re some sort of contraption is ignoring a few of the titan’s basic properties
—”

This was the excited lecture Levi had been expecting. His gaze slid toward Erwin, who gave him a
hint of a smile.

After about ten minutes of prattling, Erwin raised a hand to interrupt, and began to go through a
standardized list of questions that Levi himself had answered only a few weeks earlier. Levi felt his
interest waning. This had better be the only interview we have to do tonight. I don’t think I can sit
through something this dull again.

“ Thank you for your time,” Erwin said after what felt like hours, rising to shake Hange’s hand
over the desk. Levi eyed the contact, trying to imagine how that grip felt.

“What was this about?” Hange asked. “Are you hoping to set up some sort of study? Because I
have some ideas about—”

Erwin held up a hand. “There will be plenty of opportunities to discuss those ideas later; it’s getting
late, and I’m sure you’d like to rejoin your colleagues for a drink. You are dismissed.”

Once the door closed, Levi fell into the vacant chair. “Well?”

“What I expected: the passion is there, but the discipline isn’t. You and I both know that discipline
can be trained, but I’m not sure Anke will agree.” Erwin stacked the files, aligning their edges.
“Still, your instinct was good: we need a titan expert among our ranks, and there’s no doubt that
Hange can fill that role. No other candidates in our set of files piqued my interest, and I already
interviewed most of them last month anyway, so I think our work for tonight is done.” He looked
up, giving a warm smile. “We have a lot of time to kill until we reconvene with the others. Levi,
would you care to join me for a drink?”

The invitation was so unexpected that Levi stared. “A drink?”

“To celebrate our promotions. I have a bottle of fine whiskey I’ve been saving for an occasion like
this. It’s nicer than anything they’d serve us in the hall.”

“Might as well.” Levi willed his pounding heart to slow and gave a casual shrug.

Erwin began to walk toward a cabinet in the corner of the room, but slowed as he walked past the
shelf that held the frames. He lifted the fallen frame and studied it for a moment, then set it back
into the position it had been before, facing the window.

Levi cleared his throat. “Look—”

“It’s okay.” Erwin moved to the cabinet. He returned with two glasses and a bottle in hand; filling
one glass, he passed it across the desk. “Congratulations.”

For several minutes, they sat on opposite sides of the desk, taking small sips of whiskey. It was far
nicer than any drink Levi had ever tasted, and he let the liquid slide around his mouth, enjoying the
gradient of flavours.

“I wonder,” Erwin said, as if to himself. “Do you think I’ve lost touch with my humanity?”

The question came out of nowhere, and Levi studied him, trying to figure out his motivation for
asking.
Focus returned to Erwin’s gaze. “Please excuse the strange question. I suppose you haven’t known
me long enough to judge.”

“Well, you seem human to me. Look how quickly you were able to reach through Hange’s
nervousness.”

“I suppose.” Erwin swirled his glass, staring into the bottom of it. “Shadis thinks I see people as
chess pieces, not humans, and it caught me off guard. He wants me to reconnect with my
humanity: drink with the troops, get to know them.”

“Huh.” Levi lifted the whiskey to his lips, insulted that this shared drink was under orders.

Erwin must have noticed, because he added quickly, “No, that came out wrong. This isn’t an empty
gesture. His statement reminded me that I know very little about my colleagues, you least of all.”
The last words were delivered quietly, almost an afterthought.

“So what, you want to ply me with liquor until I tell you my life story?”

Erwin gave a soft chuckle. “Something like that.”

“Huh,” Levi said again. It seemed that Erwin Smith socialized with all the intensity and focus he
brought to every other aspect of his life. Holding out his glass for a refill, he said, “Shouldn’t we
start with you? At least you know where I come from. I don’t know one damned thing about you.”

Erwin poured them each a fresh glass. “I’m not very interesting.”

“I think you’re more interesting than you let on.”

Looking relaxed, and maybe a bit amused, Erwin leaned back in his chair. “And what makes you
think that?”

Between the ale with Mike, the potency of the whiskey, and the faint scent of cologne, Levi’s head
was starting to swim. Propping his elbows on the desk, he leaned forward. “Your name. Smith.
Doesn’t make sense that a man of your size and obvious education would have such a working-
class family name.”

“Is it really that odd? Smith is one of the most common names within the walls.”

“In the gutters and factories, yes, but factory families don’t grow men to your size. They can’t
afford the food.” Eyes narrowing with focus, Levi took another sip. “So Smith is probably an alias.
And if you’re using an alias, then your real name must be well known. I’m guessing you’re from a
high-class family, maybe even lapdogs of the King, but you don’t want to be associated with them.
Either they kicked you out, or you hate everything they stand for. Maybe both.”

For a moment, their gaze held, then Erwin cleared his throat. “At this point, Levi, I’d prefer not to
comment on your theories, and I’d appreciate you keeping them to yourself. I will say this: the
greatest threat to humanity is not outside the walls.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the titans may be a symptom, not the disease.” The intensity of his gaze was so strong that
Levi’s head spun, and he had to look down.

“I’m too drunk for your vague shit, Erwin,” he muttered, already regretting that he had said
anything at all.
There was a pause. “Levi, do you know why I asked you to join the Survey Corps?”

“Because you saw my combat skills and decided to go on a power trip?”

A blond brow cocked, just for an instant, then returned to neutral. “Your skill was an immediate
draw, true, but so was your willingness to break the rules to survive. You were flying under the
noses of the Military Police, using their own equipment to circumvent them. We need people like
you in the Survey Corps, because we can’t always play by the rules, not if we’re to do what’s best
for humanity. But I always wondered … ” His fingers drummed his glass. “Is this what you want?”

The question surprised Levi. “What?”

“All of this. Being a Squad Leader. You’ve paid your legal debt, and you’ve lost as much as the
rest of us, more than some. Why don’t you just walk away? I’m sure it would be easy enough for
you to disappear.” There was a twist to Erwin’s expression that Levi couldn’t read.

“The titans killed my friends, and they keep us penned in here. I don’t care if they are the symptom
or the disease or any of that: we need to kill them.” Levi’s hand tightened around the glass. “I need
to make sure all these deaths mean something.”

The twist faded from Erwin’s face, a smile taking its place. “I know we had a rocky start together,
but I’m happy you chose to stay. You have a great future here, Levi.”

The fond admission made Levi’s head spin even faster. The world felt as if it were tilting beneath
him, as if he were slowly losing his balance. “Sentimental bullshit,” he muttered, trying to regain
his footing.

Erwin gave a soft chuckle, then his hands folded in front of his mouth. “Very well. Let’s leave the
sentiment behind and go back to learning more about each other. I’m guessing ‘Levi’ is an alias?”

“Maybe. It’s all my aunt ever called me.”

“Your Aunt?”

Levi eyed him. He trusted Erwin more than anyone else in the Survey Corps—he had proven time
and time again to have humanity’s best interest at heart, and their shared moment after the last
expedition had only cemented that. Still, there was always a part of him that was suspicious of
authority, no matter its form. Erwin held his gaze, unflinching, and maybe it was just wishful
thinking, but Levi swore he saw warmth there. He gave in.

“My parents died when I was just a little kid, so she took me in. A few years later, the Military
Police locked her up—turns out she had been selling illegal goods and stealing food to keep us
alive, and they had been tracking her for a while. So I fell in with a small gang instead. They took
care of me, at first, and when I got old enough, I started taking care of the younger ones. That’s the
end of it.” Noticing the intensity of Erwin’s gaze, he added, “Don’t start trying to read between the
lines or analyze me or any of that bullshit.”

“Well, it certainly explains your mistrust of authority and people in general.” Erwin’s words were
beginning to slur. “I hope, in time, you’ll grow to trust me.”

“I already trust you.”

There was another long pause. Levi’s chest glowed, and he wondered if it was wondered if it was
from the flickers of trust building between them, or the alcohol, or both.
“You have it all backwards, Erwin.” His numb lips fumbled the words. “I trust people—not many,
but when I do, I trust completely. You’re the one who doesn’t trust. That’s why you like strategies
so much, isn’t it? They’re the only things that make you feel safe when you work with others. You
can’t trust people, so you control them instead.”

Erwin’s eyes slowly widened as he pulled away. He opened his mouth to reply, but no words
followed.

Levi was vaguely aware he shouldn’t be saying all this, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “I’m right,
aren’t I? You don’t trust anyone here, not even me. Maybe that’s what Shadis meant, that you need
to trust your officers.”

Quietly, Erwin rose to his feet. He took a few paces toward the window, hands clasped behind his
back.

What the hell am I saying? Levi’s eyes fixed on Erwin, slowly trailing down his body, fixing on
his backside for a few inappropriate moments. Shit, am I drunk. Such a fucking lightweight. I’m
going to get thrown out of the Survey Corps on my first day as Squad Leader.

“ Erwin—”

“No, you’re right. I need to be more trusting if I want to become a good leader.” Erwin plucked the
mysterious picture frame from the windowsill and returned to the desk. He sank into his chair and
his fingers traced the frame, his face grim. “As a gesture of trust, I want to share something with
you, something no one alive knows. The details of this conversation are not to leave this room.” He
slid the frame across the surface of the desk.

Levi picked it up, studying it again. The frame was copper, most of it green with age, but the
bottom half was polished and red. He handles this frame a lot, picks it up and holds it.

“ When I was first training for the military,” Erwin began, “I was in love with a good woman. She
asked me to give up my life goals and stay with her, start a family. It was an agonizing decision,
but in the end, the titans won out over her. I swore, as I left her, that love was never again going to
interfere with my goals.”

Trying to contain his disappointment— of course he’s straight; they’re always straight— Levi’s
eyes traced the handwritten text on the picture. “So this is from her?”

“No.” A low sigh. “I had the right idea then, but not the willpower. I managed to focus on my
goals for the first few months, but a fellow recruit became fixated on me, persistently so. I resisted
my feelings at first, remembering my oath to myself, but I found myself falling for him.” Erwin’s
eyes flicked up as he said the last word.

Him. Levi’s breath caught, but he casually took another sip of his drink, trying to mask his surge of
hope.

“The military has strict rules about relationships,” Erwin continued, “and neither Henrik nor I was
interested in formalizing our affair with paperwork, hearings and everything else required to
receive official approval. I think a few people figured it out—Mike, for one—but for the most part,
we managed to keep it under wraps. Our relationship gave us certain advantages on the battlefield;
we read each other well, and our presence highly motivated each other. We were an unstoppable
team. For a while, it looked as if our relationship wasn’t going to interfere with our goals, that my
anxieties about love had been unfounded.”
He paused for a sip of whiskey, and when he began to speak again, his voice cracked. “One day,
we were on a scouting mission that went horribly wrong. A group of titans surrounded our party.
We tried to outrun them, but one caught my cape in its teeth and pulled me off the horse. Our
Squad Leader ordered Henrik to continue the retreat, but he refused to leave me behind. He saved
my life, but he died right in front of me. If he had just followed orders, if he hadn’t loved me
enough to value my life above his … ” He trailed off.

Levi swallowed hard, trying not to relive similar memories of his own. “I’m sorry.”

“He was an artist. That was my favourite of his drawings. It’s so lifelike that I swear I can feel the
wind under the bird’s wings when I look at it.” He delicately took the frame from Levi. “I can’t
bear to get rid of it, but I can’t bear to look at it, either, so I keep it facing the window, hoping the
sunlight will bleach it away. Maybe the guilt will fade with it.”

A lump was forming in Levi’s throat, and he swallowed hard to try to dislodge it. Slowly, he
reached out a hand and, with alcohol-fuelled bravery, gripped Erwin’s wrist.

For a moment, both of them stared, shocked, at the contact. Then Erwin’s eyes lifted.

“I trust you, Levi.”

“I know.”

A knock sounded at the door. Levi jerked his hand away, and Erwin stood, straightening his
uniform. “Come in.”

Anke and Mike walked in, and Mike sniffed the air, then sighed. “Dammit, I knew I should have
been paired with you, Erwin. She wouldn’t let me drink.”

“What?” The woman’s eyes narrowed. “You’re drinking? You’re supposed to be finding a
candidate.”
“We did.” In one exaggerated movement, Erwin swept Hange’s file off the desk and thrust it into
Anke’s hands. She glanced down at it, then back up at him.

“You’re slurring and you smell like a still.”

“Maybe we should debrief tomorrow,” he conceded.

Anke gave an exasperated sigh. “Very professional. Get some sleep and sober up, all of you. Meet
in my office after breakfast.” She turned and marched for the door.

“What did she expect?” Levi muttered. “We were already drinking when you two found us.”

“And it all went to waste, because I’m completely sober now,” Mike said. “Anyone up for a few
more?”

“I’ll meet you at our table in a few.” Levi wasn’t sure he needed more to drink; mostly, he was
hoping to stall for a few more minutes with Erwin.

“Alright, I’ll save you a seat.” Mike turned and left, and then it was just the two of them again.

Levi looked back at Erwin and found him placing the frame back on the windowsill.

“Look, I shouldn’t have said half that shit,” he said as an apology.

“If there is one person who will keep me honest, Levi, it’s you; you have an impeccable ability to
read me.” Erwin stepped back from the windowsill, still looking at the frame. “Next time we have
a drink together, we’ll talk about more uplifting topics.”

Next time . “Sure.” Before he left, Levi waited for a moment, hoping Erwin would turn around so
they could exchange a smile, or an awkward gaze, or anything to acknowledge that this shared
conversation had been an important advancement of their relationship, but instead Erwin kept
staring at the frame, his back turned.

By the time Levi reached his seat in the mess hall, his jaw was tight. Mike’s brows pinched.

“You okay?”

“Fine.” Levi dropped into his seat and took a long draught of the ale.

“Looked like Erwin was getting a bit moody.”

“The drink was turning on him.” Levi spun his bottle on its base, annoyed that the sound of it
wobbling was barely audible over the new recruits. Didn’t they ever shut up?

“I’m glad you’re getting to know him, you know. You two are good for each other. He doesn’t
have many friends left, and seems like you don’t, either.”

The observation stung. “Don’t you guys go way back?”

Mike shrugged. “Only because we had friends in common back in the day. The rest of them died,
so we have camaraderie, I guess, but it’s not the same.” He looked sombre, as if he were about to
be swallowed by bad memories.

“Don’t you start, too,” Levi muttered.

Blinking, Mike forced a smile. “Yeah. We were promoted. We should be celebrating, right?” He
lifted his bottle. “Congratulations.”

Levi mirrored the motion, and downed the bottle’s contents, trying to put Erwin out of his mind.
 Touch

-2-

Touch

Not again. Erwin struggled to free himself, clawing at the cloak tightening around his neck as the
titan hauled him into the air. A howl sounded below; Henrik galloped toward him, fury written on
his face, blades drawn.

Don’t, he tried to yell, but the cloak strangled his voice. Don’t, Henrik. I know how this ends—

Erwin awoke with a yell, sitting upright. His hands clawed into the sheets as he struggled to catch
his breath.

Sharing his memories with Levi last week had been a mistake. Every night since, they had replayed
in his dreams in full colour. Still breathing hard, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and
closed his eyes, trying to steady himself. Once his pulse finally slowed, he stood and grabbed his
toiletries bag. Better to wake up an hour early than try to sleep and end up repeating the dream.

The baths were empty, the one luxury of rising before reveille. He lit a lamp, then strode to the
window and opened its slats, letting the crisp morning air flood the room. Settling in front of a
basin and mirror, he pulled off his nightshirt and began to wash his armpits with soap and chilly
water. Once he was satisfied they were clean, he dabbed on a light layer of cologne. When he did
this step in his daily routine, he often thought of his mother admonishing him as a teenager:
remember, Erwin, a gentleman favours true cleanliness over dowsing himself in cologne. I
shouldn’t be able to smell it unless I’m close enough to hug you. It was rare that he missed her, but
he would have liked a hug right about now to help him compose himself after the nightmare.

He was just massaging shaving lotion into his face when the door swung open. Erwin turned to see
Levi standing in the door in pyjama bottoms, with a towel slung over his shoulder and a bucket of
toiletries in his hand.

“You’re up early,” Erwin said, and Levi shrugged.

“Heard a yell from next door. Woke me up.” A brow arched. “You shit the bed?”

“Nightmares.”

“Sounds like you’re having lots lately.”

“You’ll move to your new room soon enough, and then you won’t have to overhear them any
more.” Erwin leaned closer to the mirror and pulled his upper lip tight, bringing his razor to the
skin.

“You okay?”

“Fine, thank you.” He was annoyed to discover the blade was dull. After the expedition, he would
go into town to restock. Maybe he’d take a few days’ leave and decompress, make a vacation out of
it. The nightmares were probably a sign that he was pushing himself too hard.

Levi walked past him to stand by the edge of the bath and dipped a finger in as if testing the
temperature. The water was only heated twice a week for shared baths, and was freezing cold the
rest of the time, especially during a winter as long as this one.

“You aren’t going in there, are you?” Erwin asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s going to be cold.”

“Always is.” Levi turned his back to him and pulled off his pants and undergarments. Erwin tried
not to watch, but the mirror’s angle made that difficult.

“Always? Sounds like you do this often.”

“Waking up before reveille is the only way to get a bath without a herd of noisy assfucks ruining
the peace.” Levi slipped into the water, visibly shuddering from the cold.

Erwin had forgotten about shaving; he snapped his gaze back to his own reflection. He quickly
finished the job and then washed away the cream, examining his face for missed spots or cuts. In
the reflection, Levi was rubbing shampoo into his hair; the motion showcased his muscled upper
back.

Erwin forced his gaze away. Ogling a colleague was a bad idea, especially while standing around
in his undergarments, which weren’t thick enough to conceal himself should he get too excited. He
reached into his bag for a comb, focusing on placing a crisp side part above his temple.

It’s not too late to join him in there , he thought. It’s been a few days since your last proper bath,
and the company might be worth the cold. It was embarrassing how much the idea appealed to
him. His imagination began to conjure images of the two of them soaping each other. Embarrassed,
he tried to distract himself with conversation.

“About the other night.”

In his periphery, Levi turned to face him. “Yeah?”

“I got a bit dour at the end there.”

A shrug. “I was saying things I shouldn’t have.”

“I’d like the opportunity to try for a happier conversation: join me for another drink. Tomorrow,
after the expedition.” The words left Erwin’s lips before he could stop them. I’m just trying to get
to know my colleague better to further my professional development , he said to himself, aware it
was a lie, but unwilling to admit the truth.

Levi studied him, damp hair sticking out at odd angles. “A happy conversation? After an
expedition?”

“If it goes well. If not, we both might need some company.”

Levi continued to study him, expression unreadable. After a long pause, he said, “Yeah, sure.”

An inappropriate warmth rushed through Erwin, and he snatched his toiletries bag, preparing to
leave before his loss of composure showed on his face. “See you at the pre-expedition debrief
tonight. I’ll be leaving the strategy revisions on your desk by noon. Make sure you study them in
advance in case you have any questions.”

“You won’t be at the gear check?” Maybe it was his imagination, but Levi looked disappointed.

“One of the perks of being a Captain; my gear will be checked in my office at my convenience.”
Erwin nodded. “See you this evening.” He stepped through the doorway.

From that point on, his day became a blur: dress, eat, make last-minute tweaks to the plans.
Distribute new plans, have gear checked, meet with Anke to discuss the revisions, eat again.
Planning, planning, dinner.

He ate alone in his office, seeking quietness and solitude before the debrief. Now that the planning
stage was coming to a close, he had the mental space to feel nervous about the upcoming mission.
This would be his first strategy that didn’t have Shadis’ stamp of approval. While he was confident
this expedition was low-risk, and that his plans minimized that risk even further, they couldn’t
afford a disaster. The last expeditions had been costly enough to raise a fuss among their superiors,
and there would be extra eyes on them this time around, especially with a new Commander, a new
Captain, and new Squad Leaders. The constant nightmares weren’t helping his confidence.

When Anke knocked at his door for the debrief, he was sitting with his forehead pressed to the
desk, taking deep breaths to steady himself. As he lifted his head to greet her, he saw that her skin
was so pale that she looked sickly.

“I guess this is it,” she said. “One last debrief, then nothing’s left between us and the expedition but
a few hours of restless sleep.”

“At least we won’t have it looming over our heads anymore by this time tomorrow.”

“If we still have heads. How the hell are you so calm?”

He thought about confessing his own trepidations, but decided fake bravery might inspire bravery
of her own. “The lengthy winter has given us more months of preparation than usual, so we have
thought through every angle. Besides, I have confidence in our skills and the skills of our team.”

“Yeah, it’s a good team.” She didn’t look convinced. “I guess we should go. They’ll be waiting for
us.”

As they marched to the head of the meeting room, Erwin felt the Squad Leaders and Team Leaders
watching him, and without Shadis at his side, he felt exposed. He hung the charts and grabbed a
pointer, then stood tall beside Anke.

As she began her speech, he let his eyes trail across their audience. Almost everyone in the room
was watching her speak, but one pair of eyes met his gaze instead, silver-blue, hooded with
disinterested lids and brows. Levi. Erwin had faked disinterest enough times to know the pain that
could fester beneath it. We’ve all lost too much. Please, just this once, don’t let any of us lose
anything more.

“ And now,” Anke said, “Erwin will walk you through the formation and strategy one last time. If
you have any questions about the revisions he distributed earlier today, this is the time to ask.”

Coming back to himself, Erwin smiled at her. “Thank you, Commander.” He began to point at the
charts, explaining their strategy. This formation was similar to their long-range scouting formation,
except that Hange and Levi, as the Squad Leaders with the least field experience, would be
responsible for guarding wagons at the rear. Their target was an old military silo a couple hours'
ride from Wall Rose. On paper, it was a safe expedition: a short distance, a zone that was usually
titan-free, and a large forest nearby in case they needed high ground. In Erwin’s experience,
however, the safest missions on paper could become the most dangerous in the field, so he had
prepared several contingency plans.

A couple of the newer Team Leaders had questions about their roles, and then his presentation was
over. Erwin let out a slow breath. The planning phase was done.

“Thank you, Captain.” Anke stepped forward. “I think that’s everything. Does anyone have any
other questions?”

’ I think that’s everything?’ That’s how she’s closing off this meeting? Erwin side-eyed her, gaze
landing on the bolo tie around her neck, the symbol that marked her as a Commander. He still
wasn’t certain if he was envious or relieved that she bore all the responsibility that came with it.

“Okay, good,” Anke said. “Dismissed.”

The team stood and saluted, and as they left, she let out a breath of air, deflating. “Shit.”

“Everything all right?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah, fine.” Her eyes ticked across their departing colleagues, and he realized she didn’t want to
show weakness in front of them. He would have preferred to leave the conversation there, but their
safety tomorrow depended on her. If she started second-guessing her decisions on the field, it
would put them all at risk.

“Commander, can you stay behind for a minute? I’d like to discuss one last thing.” He clapped a
hand onto her shoulder and guided her to stand in front of one of the maps on the wall, pretending,
to help her save face, that their discussion was going to be strictly mission-related.

Levi was the last one to approach the door. Just before he left, he turned to look back at them.
There was no emotion on his face, but something about his stance looked smaller than usual.
Frightened. Erwin swallowed hard, remembering how small Levi had seemed after the last
expedition. Maybe once he was done speaking with Anke, he would give Levi some encouraging
words.

The door closed.

“What’s going on?” he asked quietly.

“Shit, Erwin, I am not ready for this.” Her voice wavered.

“You’ll be fine. You and I were practically leading the expeditions by the end there.”

“I know, but it’s different now.” Her fingers twisted into the bolo tie around her neck. “This thing
is going to strangle me. If I made a mistake when I was Captain, it was ultimately Shadis’ fault, but
now … ”

“Anke.” He squeezed her shoulders and crouched down so their eyes were level. “When I met you,
you were a demanding little girl who couldn’t wait to order the rest of our team around. That little
girl is still inside you somewhere. Find her.”

“That little girl grew up. Saw too many people die. Do you know the average life expectancy of a
Commander of the Survey Corps?”
He didn’t, but he could guess it wasn’t very long. Shadis had been an anomaly, the first
Commander in years to live to see retirement.

“Six years.” Her voice cracked. “And that’s with Shadis’ long reign tugging up the average.”

“That’s better than every other position you were in before, and you survived this long.”

“I guess. Just tell me it’s going to be alright.”

“Anke, it's going to be alright. Just stick to the strategy and keep a cool head.”

“Thanks.” She cleared her throat. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you at reveille.”

He saluted and left the room, knowing he wasn’t going to sleep. Not yet.

His first stop was Levi’s new room. The furniture wasn’t fully set up yet, but it seemed likely that
Levi, being something of a neat freak, might be cleaning the walls or floors to alleviate stress. A
mop and a bucket in the corner of the room confirmed his guess wasn’t far off, but they were dry.

Next he tried Levi’s old bunk, but his bunkmates only shook their heads and said he hadn’t returned
after the meeting. The baths were empty, too, and he wasn’t in the mess hall.

His last guess was Hange’s room for a last-minute discussion about their roles in the expedition.
As he was about to knock, he heard Hange’s voice behind him:

“Looking for me?”

He turned with a polite smile. “Have you seen Levi?”

“I saw him heading toward the stables.” Hange leaned closer, peering at him. “Is this about
tomorrow? Anything I should know?”

“No, I just need to speak to him about a private matter. Did you have any questions?”

“Not really, no. I don’t think. Maybe. I’m so excited that I can’t think straight.” The grin that
spread across Hange’s face was so unnerving that Erwin fought the urge to take a step back.

“Excited? Well, I’m glad someone is.” It was a welcome change from all the fear and anxiety
around them. Was everyone nervous because of the change in leadership, or were these usual pre-
expedition jitters he had never noticed before? There was something disconcerting about the latter.
He had always assumed his colleagues were calm and in control of their emotions. Humanity’s
bravest. Are we all just scared little children, barely keeping our fears in check?

Though he wasn’t sure why Levi would be heading to the stables, he had run out of other ideas.
The walk there might help him clear his head, anyway.

As he stepped through the stable door, he breathed in the scent of musty hay. The full moon
streamed through holes in the roof and landed in silver-blue puddles on the ground. The same
colour as Levi’s eyes . The thought came out of nowhere, and for a moment he stood and stared,
trying to convince himself the thought had never existed.

“Levi?” He strained his ears for human movement, but only heard the occasional flutter and
pawing of the horses. He hadn’t really expected to find him here, so he wasn’t surprised, just
disappointed. He moved quietly through the stable to the far exit.

A cool blast of air greeted him as he stepped into the yard. Winter had overstayed its welcome by
several weeks this year, and apparently it wasn’t ready to leave them yet. He folded his arms over
his chest, wishing he had brought a thicker cloak with him. The green one he was wearing now
was more suitable for spring.

The moon was low and full, rimming the trees and grass with a dull edge of moonlight. The
mountains on the horizon were capped with snow, and above them, a thick band of stars arced
across the sky.

Erwin took in a long breath, feeling his throat and chest tingle. Whenever he stared at those distant
mountains and that band of stars, he felt a strong connection to the world outside the walls, as if his
body knew it was a tiny, insignificant part of something greater. We are so small , he thought, and
so very fragile. We only stand a chance if all of us work toward a common goal.

A scuff sounded behind and above him, and as he spun to face it, Erwin’s hands instinctively went
for the hilts of his blades, but found only air instead. His stance relaxed when he saw a small form
perched on the slant of the roof.

“Levi?” he called, loudly enough to be heard, but softly enough that the noise wouldn’t disturb
anyone in nearby rooms.

“Your fat head is ruining the view.” Levi’s voice was muted by the breeze.

“How did you get up there without your gear?”

“The old-fashioned way.” Levi pointed to a ladder alongside the stables. It was a sizable jump
between the stable roof and the section of roof where he sat.

“I’d be pretty upset if our best soldier broke his neck hopping between buildings while off-duty,”
Erwin said, though he was impressed by Levi’s agility.

“Maybe an old man like you would break his neck.” Despite the distance between them, he swore
he saw Levi’s eyes twinkle.

Though Erwin was never one to let a dare provoke him, the snide remark allowed him to join Levi
under the guise of proving himself. He climbed up the stable ladder and moved swiftly and quietly
to the far end of the roof, where he paused, sizing up the gap. Levi shifted closer to the edge,
staring evenly down at him.

This would be a stupid way to die. Erwin felt a sudden rush. When was the last time he had made a
risky decision without agonizing over it for days? When was the last time he had engaged in banter
or tried to show off?

Somehow, acting under the guise of proving himself had led to him actually wanting to prove
himself. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered.

“Well, I’m sure the view’s almost as good down on that roof,” Levi said. “If you don’t mind the
smell of horse shit.”

With a deep breath, Erwin took a couple steps back, then sprinted forward and jumped. He easily
closed the gap, but as he was landing, his shin smacked into the side of the roof. He grunted and
lost his footing, and for a panicked second, he thought he was going to roll to his death.

A strong hand closed over his, stabilizing him. He looked up and saw Levi gripping his hand, his
other arm wrapped around a pipe near the apex of the roof to anchor them both.
“Tsk. Careful.” There was that twinkle again.

Erwin cleared his throat. “If it weren’t so dark out—”

“Don’t worry. I’ve seen you fight; I know you’re good. Found your footing?”

“One moment.” Using their joined hands to aid his balance, Erwin hoisted himself upright and sat
near Levi. With no excuse to keep holding hands, he let their grip drop, then instantly missed it.
Levi settled to a seat next to him, close enough that body heat glowed between them.

“Didn’t think you had it in you to be that reckless.” Was that respect in Levi’s voice? “I warned
you it was dangerous.”

“No, you called me an old man.” Erwin gave him a sidelong glance. “I can’t be much older than
you.”

“You aren’t. Maybe five years, tops.” Almost to himself, Levi added, “I think.”

“Our ages don’t really come up often, do they? I’m thirty-one.” The only response was silence, and
Erwin decided not to press it. Everyone was entitled to their secrets. Instead, he gathered his lolling
knees in the crooks of his elbows and let his eyes drift across the mountains. Beside him, he could
hear Levi’s soft breaths; his chest rose and fell in Erwin’s peripheral vision, slow and even.

“So,” Levi said. “Why are you here?”

“I thought you might have questions about the expedition.”

“I do. What’s this cargo worth?”

“Worth?”

“Say it’s like last time, and my entire team dies.” Levi’s tone was flat. He shifted to lean back on
his elbows. “Is this cargo worth it?”

Erwin considered. “This expedition is low risk; our scouting teams haven’t noted any titan activity
in the area for the past year. As for the cargo itself, we don’t know what we’ll find. The silo is an
old military cache, so it should have a stash of important supplies—gas tanks, blades, rations. Its
location was useful when the walls were standing, given that it was central to several small
villages, but now it’s useless. We’ll be repurposing all the military supplies and sending the rations
into the city for civilian use.”

Levi gave a low, displeased sigh. “Is that what we are now? Scrap collectors?”

“I know it seems like a small step, but each small step is important. Eventually, we will build a
new trail of caches leading us toward the outer walls, and that’s when we’ll be prepared to make
bigger moves. That’s when we take back our freedom.”

“And you’re planning to be at the helm when we do, right?”

Erwin’s gaze snapped to him. Levi stared straight ahead, eyes distant. His hair swayed in the
breeze, and the moon highlighted his face in white: petite features, straight nose, narrow lips.

Without looking at him, Levi murmured, “You hate these fetch missions as much as I do—too
much risk for too little payoff. When the big expeditions come around, that’s when you’ll truly be
happy, right? You’d risk anything for freedom. Even your allies. Even yourself.”
“I would.”

“Good. Conserving lives is important for these shitty little expeditions, but we all know that
eventually we’re going to have to put everything on the line. When that happens, I want someone
like you leading us. Maybe that’s why Shadis left Anke in charge: he’s keeping you safe for the
time that we really need you. She’s good for the shit we’re doing now, but she doesn’t have the
stomach to make big sacrifices. She’ll never lead us to victory.” Levi’s eyes locked onto him. “You
will.”

After a moment, Erwin said, “You believe that?”

“I would have left months ago if I didn’t.”

Swallowing hard, Erwin looked away, trying not to admit to his rising pulse, the warmth building
in his abdomen.

For several minutes, they fell into a comfortable silence. Erwin pulled his cloak tighter around his
shoulders, shivering, but the view was so beautiful, the company so welcome, that he couldn't
bring himself to go back inside. Beside him, Levi sat up and drew in his knees.

“It still bothers me,” Erwin said. “Shadis saying I had lost touch with my humanity.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t see it. You’re always asking people if they’re okay, giving them advice and
little shoulder squeezes, things like that.” A pause. “Unless that’s just an act.”

Sometimes it was. The reason the statement had stung so much was because it was something
Erwin, himself, feared. The more friends he lost, the less he felt. Death no longer seemed real, and
the only way he could feel loss was by dwelling on Henrik. Maybe that’s why it was so difficult to
move on: maybe he kept reopening the wound not out of genuine respect for his memory, but out
of desperation to feel human.

“Hey, Erwin?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay.”

“What?”

“All of it. Screw Shadis. You do what you need to. We’re all just surviving the best we can out
here.”

The words felt like a release. Erwin took a deep breath, letting the negative thoughts drift away,
focusing on the night sky instead. For now, he would cling to this bit of beauty and relaxation.

Levi shifted, and when Erwin looked over, he saw a scowl on his face. “Are you all right?”

Levi drew in a breath as if to speak, but no words followed.

“Say it,” Erwin said. “I won’t judge. We’re all just surviving out here, right?” Besides, how could
he possibly judge, in this crisp air, in the face of the mountains and the sky full of stars? Their
words were lighter up here, floating away on clouds of condensation.

“Look, this is a stupid thing to be bothered by, so just—” Shivering, Levi tightened his arms
around his body. “You’re always touching people: gripping shoulders, touching arms, squeezing
hands. But with me … ” His voice trailed off.

Erwin’s brain whirled through excuses: I thought you needed space. I didn’t want to give the wrong
impression. I haven’t known you as long.

There was only one excuse that made sense: I can’t touch you, because last time I did, I couldn’t
stop thinking about you. I’m afraid of what will happen to me if I touch you again.

In the silence that followed, Levi looked down, face twisting. “I told you, it’s fucking stupid.”

“No, it isn’t. You’re right.” Finding all his excuses lacking, Erwin brashly decided to rectify the
problem instead. His arm draped across Levi’s shoulders.

Levi tensed, but didn’t pull away. “What are you—”

“You seemed cold.” Panic made Erwin’s head swim, but it was too late to retract his decision.

“You don’t have to—”

“It’s okay.”

As the minutes passed, the tension faded from Levi’s shoulders, and the panic faded from Erwin’s
mind. This wasn’t so bad, just sitting next to each other, a little extra contact for body heat. Not as
dangerous as he had expected. They were both still shivering, so Erwin drew him in closer.

“You’re so small,” he said, surprised by the narrowness of Levi’s shoulders.

The shoulders stiffened again. “Screw you.”

“No, I mean that your personality is so large and your strength so immense that I sometimes forget
you take up so little space in the world. You take up so much more in people’s minds.”

Levi looked up at him. “Was that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Yes.”

“Kind of a shitty one.”

Maybe so, but he meant it, every word. Levi took up far too much space in his mind, and that space
only seemed to expand when they were near each other, leaving no room for reason. He subtly
shifted his grip, feeling the muscled shoulder. You smell like lemons and soap, and I want to sit
behind you, envelop you in my limbs, and press my face into your hair. I want to run my hands
down the front of your torso and trace those lean muscles I’ve seen so many times in the men’s
baths. His cheeks were warm, and he hoped his flush wasn’t visible in the moonlight.

Levi edged closer to him and slowly, tentatively pressed a cheek to his shoulder.

Eyes squeezing shut, Erwin tried not to inhale the scent of his hair. “Levi.”

“It’s cold.”

“This isn’t—” The word ‘appropriate’ died on his lips as he accidentally got a waft of hair. There
was no reason left at this proximity, no logic, just a desire to press even closer. He laid a cheek
atop Levi’s head and subtly, shyly breathed in. His head swam, dizzied by pheromones.

Levi’s voice startled him: “Ever since I was a kid, rooftops have been my escape. Close to the stars,
away from people. The higher, the better.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re such a natural with the gear, Levi. You were always meant to fly.”

The words, like the embrace, were too intimate, but it was too late to retract them. He ached to rub
his face in Levi’s hair, or pull him onto his lap, or—

His eyes flew open as he remembered himself.

“This is a nice place to escape,” he said, latching onto the conversation. “I tend to immerse myself
in the city when I need a break. Hide away in plain sight. This feels more peaceful.”

“Always wondered where you went. Lover in the city?”

“No, I have a small room near the market district, and it’s a place of solitude. I’m not interested in
love, not anymore.” He forced the words out even though they hurt to say here, in this dizzying
cloud of lemon scent.

There was a long pause; he lifted his head. Levi stared at the horizon, so still that he could have
been carved from stone. The only signs of life were the clouds of breath leaving his nose.

Erwin had suspected for a while now that Levi was developing feelings for him, but until tonight,
he had written it off as his own wishful thinking. Maybe it still was—maybe the chemistry between
them tonight was all in his head—but he couldn’t take that chance. Levi was more valuable to
humanity’s fight than any single soldier, and Erwin would not become his weakness.

He cleared his throat. “Love is a luxury I can no longer afford. I swore long ago to dedicate my life
to titans. I lost sight of that once, and it cost my partner everything. It can never happen again.
Besides, it would be irresponsible to allow anyone to form a bond with me when I could die at any
moment.”

“So could anyone.” A muscle in Levi’s jaw twitched. “People bond during hard times. It’s part of
being human.”

“Then maybe I do have to leave my humanity behind.”

“You do what you fucking want.” Levi stood. “I’m going to bed.”

Surprised by the abrupt mood change, Erwin looked up, but Levi was already moving across the
rooftop toward the stable. “Levi.”

Levi turned, shoulders squared and chin high, the breeze ruffling his uniform, cravat and hair.
Taken aback by the unexpectedly statuesque pose, Erwin only managed to say, “Good luck
tomorrow.”

Their gazes held for a moment longer, then Levi turned and leapt toward the stable roof,
disappearing from view.

Erwin watched for a moment longer. It needed to be said.

Now the mountains and the empty sky, so accepting earlier, were judging him: he was small,
naive, worthless. His trembling hands raked into his hair as he attempted to steady himself, but
Levi’s scent was still on his sleeve.

With a low sigh, he stood and began to climb down the roof. If he was going to wrestle with his
own confusion, he might as well do it in the warmth of his bed.

Erwin’s horse veered right. For a moment, he thought the titan’s maws had missed him, but his
cloak tightened around his throat so hard that it jerked him backwards. Stars swam before his eyes.
Not again.

His body was hoisted into the air. His legs kicked as he fought for breath. He wrenched his body to
the side, trying to twist around to face the attacking titan, but the fabric around his neck restricted
his movement.

He heard a howl, and his eyes jerked to the source.

This time it was Levi, not Henrik, who galloped toward him at full speed. Levi’s teeth were bared,
brows low, tears streaming from his eyes. With an inhuman howl, he launched himself forward. A
cable buried into the flesh somewhere above Erwin’s head.

No, no, not again! Erwin writhed, desperately fighting to free himself. Above him, he heard the
sound of a blade hitting bone. Titan blood spattered across his face. The teeth opened, and Erwin
dropped to the ground. He rolled onto his back, gasping for air.

That was when he saw Levi between the beast’s jaws, the massive teeth framing either side of his
head. Moonlight-coloured eyes, wide and panicked, locked onto him.

“Erw—” The cry ended in a piercing shriek.

Massive teeth closed, and blood misted upon Erwin like rain.

“Levi!”

He sat bolt upright, frantically reaching for his blades, but found only blankets. Eyes darting
around the room, he saw the familiar shape of the window, the familiar patch of moonlight
highlighting his wardrobe. Just a dream. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with trembling hands.
The nightmare’s grip was beginning to fade, but now memories were rushing in to take its place.
He could smell rotting flesh and burning hair, see Henrik’s hand jutting from the flames, clawed
by rigor mortis, as if he were still reaching for Erwin, still pleading for rescue.

You won’t have to relive any of it. You pushed Levi away. That will never happen to him, not
because of you.

One last time, he lifted his wrist to his nose and breathed in, but Levi’s scent had already faded.
 Expedition
Chapter Notes

Thank you very much for the encouragement and kind words so far! I was shy about
posting this, so you make me feel brave! I'll try to update pretty frequently. :)

-3-

Expedition

Levi sat upright, ears straining so hard he could hear them ring. Had he overheard Erwin call his
name next door, or had he dreamed it? It had sounded panicked, as if it were part of another
nightmare.

He glanced at the window. A bit of warmth was already creeping into the night sky; it was
probably about an hour before reveille. Normally, he would head to the men’s bath and get ready
for his day, but that might mean running into Erwin again, and Levi was still angry and
embarrassed about the rejection-that-wasn’t-quite-a-rejection on the rooftop. Still, the idea of
starting the day without a bath felt wrong, and he might as well get a relaxing clean in now,
because the communal bath that night was bound to be depressing. Post-expedition baths always
were: blood and sweat and grown men struggling to hide their tears. With a soft sigh, he stood and,
careful not to wake his bunkmates, grabbed his bucket of bath supplies.

Unlike the previous morning, the baths were empty, and Levi was annoyed to discover that he was
disappointed. Even more annoying was the persistent bulge between his legs, the result of a couple
days of neglect. He might as well have a quick jerk now, since the expedition was bound to sap his
libido.

He stepped into a stall, careful not to let any part of his body touch the germ-coated walls. He tried
his best not to think of Erwin, but the further along he got, the more his resolve faded. Soon he was
picturing Erwin splayed across his desk, frantically tugging at himself, cheeks flushed, panting
Levi’s name—

There wasn’t even time for the imaginary scenario to progress: he went under, a grunt escaping his
clenched teeth before he could stop it.

Slowly, he came back to himself, to the toilet stall and the mess in his cupped palm. Shame seeped
through him. Soon, he would have his own room, and he could have a more hygienic setting for
his private time—though so long as he kept picturing Erwin in compromising positions, he doubted
a clean environment would make him feel any less dirty.

Once he had wiped up, he plunged his body into the freezing bath water and dunked his head. His
eyes closed and bubbles trailed slowly from his lips as he cherished a moment of stillness
underwater.

Then it was time for his cleaning ritual to begin. After he had washed himself from head to toe, he
left the bath, skin red and tingling. He combed his hair and patted himself down with deodorant
powder, then returned to his room. His bunkmates were just starting to awaken, bleary-eyed and
messy-haired. His nose wrinkled. Soon, he would be living in his private room, where he wouldn’t
have to deal with their snoring, night farts, and random odours.

Turning to face the wall, he dressed in a clean winter uniform, carefully tucking his cravat under
the fur collar. He retrieved his 3D manoeuvre gear case from under his bed. The gear was only a
contingency plan for this expedition, but he was glad to have the excuse to wear it. He had worn it
so frequently before he joined the Survey Corps that he still felt naked without it.

You were always meant to fly, said a voice in his mind, and he let out a huff, irritated that Erwin
was still haunting his thoughts.

“You okay, Levi?” a bunkmate asked

“We’re about to head past the wall. What the hell do you think?” He hoisted the case off the
ground and lugged it from the room. He’d gear up in his new room, where he could fuss with the
straps without disruption.

First, though, he needed some food. The mess hall was still empty, so he had a nice quiet meal to
himself, washing it down with a cup of black tea. Others began to trickle in, grim expressions on
their faces. There was none of the usual chatter and ruckus, and oddly, Levi found himself missing
it. Silence was peaceful when he was alone, but in a group, it was unnerving. He quickly finished
his meal and stood to leave.

He was just about to exit when Erwin stepped through the doorway, nearly colliding with him.

For a moment, their gaze held.

With an abrupt sigh, Levi began to move past, but a firm hand gripped his shoulder. He stopped,
but didn’t look up.

“Are we still having that post-expedition drink tonight?” Erwin asked.

Levi’s jaw clenched. “Yeah, sure.”

The hand didn’t drop. He finally looked up and saw a crack in Erwin’s neutral façade: a crease by
one eyebrow. He couldn’t decipher what it meant, but it looked like concern. Is he worried about
me? Maybe he really was yelling my name in his sleep.

“ Sounded like you were having nightmares again,” he said, fishing for information.

The crease deepened. “Stay safe today, Levi.” The hand gave a squeeze before withdrawing, and
Erwin continued on his way to the food service line. Levi ducked his head and left the hall, cursing
his racing pulse.

As the troops gathered outside the stables, Levi mounted his horse, scratching her behind the ears.
Survey Corps horses were worth a small fortune: they were strong, fast and almost impossible to
spook. In his early days here, he had considered stealing one and selling it on the underground
market, then living like a king for the rest of his days. The thought seemed infantile now that he
knew how precariously humanity clung to survival. If he had gotten rich and sat around on his ass
for the rest of his life, he would have been no better than the upper class he had always hated.
So much had changed since then. Back then, he had wanted to put Erwin down, thinking him
another symbol of oppression, when in reality, he had given Levi more freedom than he had ever
imagined possible. Not many people got to see the land outside the walls, and now that Wall Maria
had fallen, even seeing the land outside Wall Rose was a rare privilege.

Levi heard a whoop behind him. Turning, he saw Hange bouncing up and down like a little kid,
getting in the way of everyone who was trying to saddle up their horses. He rode closer.

“You all right?”

“Good morning, Squad Leader,” Hange said. “What a beautiful day for a ride.”

He dismounted. “You’re excited?”

“Of course!”

“You’re insane. Where’s your horse?”

“Back by the stables.”

“Well, saddle it up and bring it over, shitgoggles. You’re going to hold up the entire expedition.”

Hange looked surprised. “Shitgoggles?”

He looped a finger under the bridge of Hange’s prescription goggles and pulled, letting them snap
back into place.

“Ow!”

“Your file said you lacked discipline, but I vouched for you anyway. Don’t make me regret it.”

“I’ll be in position in a moment.” Hange hurried away, adjusting the goggles back into place.

Levi, meanwhile, approached the wagons. His squad was assembling, so he pulled a folded sheet
out of his pocket and did a quick roll call. There were several new recruits on his squad; some of
them looked terrified, but others, chatting quietly, seemed oblivious to the danger they were about
to face.

Luckily, he wouldn’t have to micromanage them. Two Team Leaders had been assigned under him,
a man and woman, Dita and Amélie. He conferred with them, making sure they understood their
positions and had enough cartridges for their flare guns. They called him “sir” and treated him with
so much respect that he felt like a fraud. He had climbed the ranks so quickly that he had outpaced
both of them; if anything, he should be deferring to them, not the other way around.

In his periphery, he saw Hange approach the other squad and begin the roll call. It looked as if the
expedition was going to start on time.

Sure enough, the tower bells rang right on schedule. The squads slowly left the base, filing through
the front gates.

The path to the wall brought them through the town, and as usual, several townsfolk had gotten up
early to see them off. Levi tried not to make eye contact with any of them. Seeing either hope or
skepticism in their eyes would add extra pressure, and he didn’t need any more; his muscles were
already tense, his stomach humming with adrenaline. As a Team Leader during the last expedition,
he had failed to protect his team. He couldn’t do the same now that he was a Squad Leader, with
even more people looking up to him.

They filtered through the outer gate, falling into formation on the other side. A strange, familiar
sensation rippled through Levi: he was an outsider. The air outside the wall was the same air they
breathed inside it, but it smelled more pure. The plant life was identical, but it seemed foreign and
surreal. This was his third time on a major expedition, and, thanks to small scouting missions, his
ninth time outside the wall, but he still felt as if he had no right to be here.

“This is creepy,” one of the new recruits whimpered. “It feels wrong.” A couple others murmured
their agreement.

Levi turned to them. “Stop making yourselves nervous for no reason, idiots. This was our land until
a year ago.”

Their heads bowed. Levi turned away and tried to take his own advice.

The morning air was still chilly enough to see his breath, but it was a clear day, so the sun would
warm them up soon enough. A thin layer of frost coated the ground, restricting them, at first, to a
slow pace—the horses were sure-footed and stable, but there was no reason to take any risks so
soon. Gradually, the frost melted, and their pace increased.

Levi’s eyes wandered across the formation. Far at the head of the group, he could see Erwin’s hair,
golden in the sun. He rode next to Anke, ready to act as her tactician. Knowing that Erwin was
partly in command helped the butterflies fade from Levi’s stomach. There was no one else he
trusted to keep them safe.

An hour passed, then two, and his mood shifted from relaxation, to boredom, to apprehension. A
crisp layer of snow coated the ground, and the crunching of the horse’s hooves was the only sound
around them. No birds, no breeze, no clouds. Levi felt as though he were travelling through a tomb.

Then, at last, Anke shot a single white flare into the air: they were nearing their objective. Ahead
of them, Levi could see a large silo, flanked by a cluster of trees. He took a deep breath and held it
for several seconds, steeling himself.

As they approached the silo, the formation fanned out, forming a defensive perimeter, while Levi
and Hange led the wagons to the silo. Levi scanned the perimeter. Everyone faced away from
them, sitting tense and upright, clouds of breath puffing from their faces. It was like being
surrounded by a fence of breathing statues, and he swallowed hard. Being fenced in made him
nervous, even by allies.

“Okay, let’s get this shit over with.” He motioned at Amélie’s team; they dismounted and began to
inspect the silo’s locked door.

Hange moved in next to Levi, voice low: “The troops should be concentrated near the trees in case
of an ambush. We can easily see titans coming on the flat land, but not from the forest.”

“You’ll have to take that up with Erwin.” Levi watched with anticipation as Amélie wrestled with
the lock; the woman turned back to him and shook her head, and he sighed.

“Here.” He handed his reins to Hange and dismounted. “What’s the hold up?”

“Lock’s rusted shut,” Amélie said. “We can’t get it open. Should we try to ram down the door?”

“Let’s try a few things first.” He bent to examine the lock, then reached into his boot and pulled
out a small knife. The blade slid into the door jam and he experimentally wiggled the latch. In his
experience, the military often cheaped out on bunker security; that was how he and his old friends
had so easily stolen 3D manoeuvre gear back in the day, and how they consistently had access to
the gas required to keep it moving. This lock, however, had a metal flap protecting the latch, so he
couldn’t get a good angle on it.

“Shit.” He stepped back to examine the silo. Metal, a good twenty metres tall, no windows. Two
cannon nozzles jutted over the very top: an anchor point for gear. Maybe there was a hatch on the
roof.
“Everything all right?”

He turned to see Erwin sitting atop a white horse, the sun framing his head like a halo. No one has
any business looking that regal.

“ Lock’s rusted.”

“Can you break in, Levi?”

Only Erwin would see his criminal days as an asset rather than a liability, and Levi felt badly about
letting him down. “Not without the proper tools. They’ve got it locked up tight.” He studied the
roof. “Think there’s a hatch on top?”

“Maybe. Go ahead and check. If that doesn’t pan out, we can always ram the door down.”

Levi stepped back and engaged his gear, anchoring a cable to a cannon.

“Wait.” Erwin dismounted and moved in close, leaning down until his mouth was by Levi’s ear.
“While you’re up there, check our surroundings for titans. If you see any, and they’ve noticed us,
follow standard procedure with a red flare. If they haven’t, then wave instead to get my attention
and point in the direction. If it’s all clear, fire a green flare.”

Levi studied him for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on, but he couldn’t find a single
hint on Erwin’s face. “What aren’t you telling me?”

After a long pause, Erwin said, “Mike smells titans.”

“Oh.”

“Our scouts in the trees can’t get a clear line of sight. Maybe you can.”

“Sure.” Levi turned his attention back to the roof and pulled the trigger. The gear’s mechanisms
kicked into action, reeling him in, a blast of gas propelling him toward the roof. He landed on the
rooftop, his boots giving a soft thud on the metallic surface. There was a hatch in the centre of the
roof, a padlock holding it shut.

Even though he had direct orders, he didn’t want to look for titans. He hadn’t set eyes on them
since the expedition that had wiped out his team, and he was afraid of how he would react, seeing
them for the first time since the traumatic event. He had seen hardened soldiers sob and scream in
the same situation, seen them wet themselves with fear.

Slowly, reluctantly, he raised his head.

The titans were everywhere except the forest: north, east, south. None of them seemed to have
noticed the soldiers; they were too far away, shuffling aimlessly like drunks. From this distance,
they seemed small and stupid. Levi was surprised to find himself feeling not fear, but revulsion.
We’re smarter than them , he thought. There’s no reason we can’t wipe them out.

But not today. This wasn’t the right place to make their stand.

He lifted his arm to signal Erwin, who echoed the gesture. Levi pointed north, east and south, then
drew a path between the points, signalling that they were nearly surrounded. There was a long
pause, then Erwin waved back and leaned in to speak with Anke.

The titans were their problem now. Levi focused on his next task: the hatch. He crouched over it.
The lock here was rusted, too, but so was the latch, and it looked fragile. He jammed his knife
beneath it and gave an expert twist. The entire latch snapped off. There was that military cheapness
he had been expecting earlier. What a piece of shit.

Leaving a cable affixed to the cannon, Levi lowered himself into the silo, using the gas to control
his descent. As he neared the ground, he pulled out a small white flare and held it out. The room
was nearly empty. In the corner, he could see a dozen or so boxes of cannon rounds: mostly
pomegrenades, a few grapeshots. A handful of ration boxes sat in another corner, along with two
gas tanks, a small team’s supply of blades, and some unfamiliar red boxes stamped with the royal
seal.
Levi’s eyes narrowed. Erwin had been talking about this silo as if its supplies would greatly benefit
them. Was this tiny cache really worth risking their lives?

His feet touched the ground and, leaving his cable attached to the roof, he walked over to the door.
The interior lock was still in good shape, so he gave a bolt an experimental twist.

The door creaked open, revealing a surprised Amélie and her team.

He disengaged his gear and retracted the cable, stepping into the light. “Fill the carts, but be quick
and quiet.”

“Everything all right?” Hange asked.

“I need to talk to the assholes in charge. Make sure these idiots are careful—there are live cannon
rounds in there.” A single pomegrenade could blow open a titan’s neck; he didn’t want to think
what a whole boxful of them could do.

Hands tightening into fists, he marched toward Anke and Erwin. The two dismounted as he
approached.

“How many?” Anke asked.

“Lots.” Levi glared at them. “There’s less than a cart’s worth of supplies in there.”

She paled. “What do you mean, ‘lots’?”

“There’s barely enough in that silo to supply me, let alone this whole shitty division.”

“Okay, Levi, but the titans—”

“Did you not hear me? We’ve been set up to fail. Whoever told you two this silo was stocked flat-
out lied to you.”

She gave an exaggerated groan and clawed her fingers into her crown braid. “For fuck’s sake!
Erwin, can you please get through to him?”
“Levi,” Erwin said quietly. “You and I can discuss the silo’s contents later. For now, we need to
know more about what we’re up against so we can minimize the risks. How many did you see?”

“Twenty, maybe thirty. Too far away to tell their heights, but not big ones. They haven’t noticed us
yet, but they might if Anke keeps screaming at me.”

The two leaders exchanged a long glance.

“Grab the cargo,” Anke said. “Then let’s get the hell out of here.”

When Levi returned to the silo, the carts were almost completely loaded, the sparse supplies
divided evenly between them.

“We’re almost done,” Hange said.

“See what I mean? There’s shit-all in there,” he said.

“We might as well take what’s here.” Hange leaned closer, voice lowering. “How many?”

“What?”

“Titans.”

“Probably thirty.”

Hange grinned. “Thirty! What did they look like?”

“What do you think? Naked, big, dumb expressions. Hopefully we don’t see any of them close up.”
He folded his arms over his chest, watching the new recruits bring in the boxes of cannon ammo,
and sighed. They had stacked four boxes on top of each other and were handling them as if they
contained potatoes instead of live rounds. “Hey, one at a time with those boxes.”

“So do you think these titans—” Hange began, but one of the recruits yelled, “Watch out!”
followed by, “Shit!”

Levi’s eyes locked onto them.

A box of pomegrenades was falling toward the ground.

Instinctively, he shielded his head and spun on his heel, trying to distance himself from them, but
there wasn’t enough time. He saw a flash, heard a bang so loud that his head rang. The ground
disappeared beneath his feet, and he felt himself twisting in the air.

Then he was lying on his back, and red flares were firing in every direction above him, and then
everything faded.

Erwin stared at the site of the explosion. The smoke and dust began to settle, revealing an
overturned cart and a smoking pit. Soldiers ran back and forth, mounting horses, moving the
remaining carts. Levi. Where is Levi?

“ Erwin!” Anke pointed up.

Red flares fired in every direction above them, and he cursed under his breath. The sound of the
explosion had attracted the titans. He gauged the sky, looking for the direction with the least
traffic.

“Southeast.”

Anke lifted her gun and fired a green canister southeast. “Let’s move.”

He was about to follow, but as he glanced at the explosion site, he saw team members frantically
pulling the wounded onto the carts, scrambling to finish before the charging titans reached them. A
few soldiers used the cannons atop the silo as grappling points, launching themselves in the air to
take out the approaching enemies. There was still no sign of Levi.

“Erwin,” Anke yelled, looking back. “Come on. Move it!”

He narrowed his eyes and circled back toward the silo instead. Keeping a good distance between
himself and the titans, he galloped past the explosion site and scanned the rubble for Levi. The last
cart was just pulling away, and there was no sign they had left anyone behind. With a low sigh of
relief, he rode ahead, catching up to Anke.

She glared at him. “Erwin, what the hell was that?”

“Just checking for survivors,” he said, yelling to be heard over the hoof beats.

Her brows dropped. “Really? This is the time you choose to lose your head? It’s Henrik all over
again.”

Heat crept onto his cheeks, but he kept his focus on the horizon.

Red flares went up from their right flank: titans were approaching.

“Shit!” Anke shot a green flare to the east, directing their course away from the titans. “Shit. This
isn’t good.”

“Just keep riding. Trust in the formation. This is no different than when you were Captain.” His
eyes ticked north, east and south, over and over, his mind alert.

More red flares went off to their right, a single black flare among them.

“Abnormal incoming,” he said.

“Acknowledged.” Anke’s knuckles were white on the reins.

Another black flare, closer. Now Erwin could see the group of titans: two normal, one abnormal,
seven-metre class. Several scouts were in pursuit. The two normal titans dropped, but the abnormal
was cutting through the line, too swift for them to land an anchor point. It beelined for the head of
the formation.

He readied his gear. “It’s cutting through our defenses. We’ll have to fight.”

“Too dangerous on flat ground,” Anke yelled. “Continue the retreat.”

“We can’t outrun this one. It’s twenty-five metres away. Twenty. Fifteen.” He stood in his stirrups,
jaw set, finger poised over the trigger.

One of the scouts landed a grapple on the abnormal’s neck. She launched herself at it and swung
low. The titan swiped at her, but she arced out of the way, narrowly avoiding its hand. Her blades
sliced into the titan’s knee.
The titan stumbled and fell, and for a moment, it looked as if the problem was solved. Then its
hand lashed out, catching the rump of Anke's horse. Anke and her horse rolled to the ground, and
the titan crawled after them.

Erwin vaulted off his horse. Now that the titan was prone, he easily sank a grapple into its head.
Twisting mid-air, he used his momentum to curve around the back of its neck. His blades dug deep
into the flesh at its nape.

The titan fell slack, and its body began to dissolve into vapour.

“Anke!” Erwin pushed through the wall of steam, searching for her. He found her lying in front of
the titan in a pool of blood. One leg was severed at the knee.

“Shit.” He sprinted back to his horse and pulled a first aid kit out of his saddlebag, then returned to
her side.

“It hurts so much,” she whimpered.

“I know,” he said, even though he didn’t. “Stay with me.” He jerked her tattered pants up her thigh,
looping a tourniquet above her knee. His hands were so slippery with blood that it took a few tries
to wind it tightly. A few soldiers slowed as they passed by, but seeing none of them were medics,
he waved them on.

“I’m not going to make it. I’m losing too much blood.”

“The tourniquet is on now. You’ll be fine.” In the corner of his eye, he could see a new group of
titans approaching, three five-metre classes. Where was their right flank? Had they all been wiped
out, or had everyone moved ahead without them?

“Erwin,” Anke said. “Leave me.”

Ignoring her, he hoisted her over his back, struggling to mount his horse. By the time he got her
settled in place behind him, the titans were closing in. He gave the horse a small kick and leaned
forward, urging it to gallop as fast as it could.

“I’m slowing you down. Let me go.”

Her grip around his waist was loosening. He grabbed her wrist, locking her in place. She was
shaking, and her skin was cold. Behind them, he could hear the titans’ thudding footsteps over the
hoof beats. They’re closing in.

“Erwin, listen to me.” Her words were interrupted by gasping breaths at uneven cadences. “I’m
fading. We don’t both need to die.”

His throat tightened.

She thrust her free hand into view. Her Commander’s pendant was in her palm, smeared with
blood.

“Anke, don’t do this.”

“Take it and let me go.”

He gritted his teeth and leaned further forward. There was still a chance they could outrun the
titans and get her to a medic.
“That was an order, Captain,” she said.

Shit! He swallowed hard and released her captive arm, accepting the pendant. “Everyone will know
about your bravery, Anke.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” She gave him a quick hug. “Make humanity proud, Commander
Smith.”

He heard the sound of her gear engaging, and then she pulled away. He looked back to watch her
arc toward the first titan, grappling its shoulder. Even with only one leg, with only one direction at
her disposal, she still managed to land on its back and drop it. With a blood-curdling scream, she
launched at the next titan.

She didn’t make it. The titans descended on her, and Erwin turned away.

Now that his horse was carrying a lighter load, it effortlessly caught up to the group. He kept it
running hard, aiming to find his place among the vanguard. Dozens of sets of frightened eyes
locked onto him as he passed, but he set his jaw, gaze fixed forward.

When he had finally reclaimed his position at the head of the formation, he remembered the
pendant. He had been gripping the reins tightly with the same hand; the shape of the pendant was
indented in his palm like a brand. Not bothering to wipe off the blood, he draped it around his neck.

“Erwin.”

He turned to see Mike riding beside him, eyes wide.

“Get back in formation, Mike.”

“Is she gone?”

Erwin paused to steady his nerves before answering, but he was surprised to find there were no
nerves to steady. He felt nothing. Anke, passionate, take-charge Anke, who he had known since
she was a freckle-faced girl of twelve, had given her life for him, and he felt nothing.

“Erwin, answer me!”

“Get back in formation.” Freeing his flare gun from his belt, Erwin raised it high to shoot a green
flare due north.

They rode hard for another quarter hour with no further sign of titans. Erwin slowed their pace to
give the horses a break, but without the racing hoof beats and rushing wind in his ears, he could
hear the wails and moans of the injured and the bereaved. He tried to ignore them, focusing on the
speech he would give as they rallied outside the gates. So long as he kept himself executing a plan,
he wouldn’t have space to consider his emotions—or rather, his startling lack of them.

Once the walls were in sight, he fired a white flare, a signal for everyone to stop and assemble. The
formation condensed into rows, the horses halting. Erwin studied the soldiers. Ashen, dirty faces,
blood-stained clothes, stunned silence. At least there seemed to be a large number of survivors. He
scanned the crowd for Levi, but the rear guard was so densely packed that it was only a sea of
faces.

Focus , he told himself. He would be Levi’s friend later; right now, he needed to be his
Commander.
He sat tall in the saddle.

“Commander Anke is dead,” he announced. “She died a hero, taking down pursuing titans even
when afflicted with a grave injury. She dedicated every last beat of her heart to the pursuit of
freedom, and her memory will be our inspiration.” He gave a strong salute, his fist thudding into
his body. “Commander Anke, we salute you!”

The soldiers saluted, the collective thump so loud that it reverberated through Erwin’s bones.

“As we enter the gates, hold your heads high.” His fists, still in the salute, were so tight that his
knuckles ached. “Today, we have seen hell and come through the other side. We have lost a leader,
and many of you have lost friends, but you made it through. Today, you proved that you are
humanity’s finest soldiers. We shall rally stronger than before.”

The soldiers roared as Erwin led the charge toward the gate. The bells rang, sounding their arrival.

A crowd gathered inside the gate, most of them looking for loved ones among the returning
soldiers. Erwin dismounted and held his chin high, not making eye contact with anyone as he led
his horse through the street. His numbness was his armour, and any grieving onlooker might have
the power to pierce it. There was more work he had to endure tonight: the Squad Leaders would
give their casualty report, and he would fill out the paperwork. That was something he had never
done before, and he wondered if he, as interim Commander, had any right to do it. As soon as they
arrived at the base, he would send a messenger to the Capital to advise his superiors of the
situation. Maybe they could send an advisor out to help him.

Once all the necessary bureaucracy was taken care of, he was going to take a nice long bath, then
have that drink with Levi and put all this horror out of his mind.

He left his horse with one of the new recruits, giving it an affectionate pat on the neck. He
wouldn’t have made it through without that horse, and he hoped it would be given the finest feed
as a reward.

“Squad Leaders,” he called, “report to my office. I’ll join you shortly.” He pulled one of the Team
Leaders aside and gave instructions to hire a messenger. The sooner they got word to the brass, the
sooner he could finish the paperwork and put this mission behind him.

When he arrived in his office to meet the Squad Leaders, he stopped in the doorway, staring.

Squad Leaders Mike and Berit stood at attention, and Team Leaders Dita and Eld stood beside
them. No Levi. No Hange.

Erwin’s breath froze. He had never considered that Levi might die on the field; his skill and speed
were so exceptional that he seemed invincible.

Four pairs of eyes locked expectantly onto him, but he wasn’t ready to acknowledge them. He
wanted to linger here, in this moment before his fears were confirmed, where there was still hope.
His numbness finally began to drain from him, leaving black spots swimming in his eyes. Fear
settled in his stomach like a boulder of ice.

“Erwin?” Mike’s tone was the tone someone would use to speak to a person on the verge of a
breakdown.

“Where are Squad Leaders Levi and Hange?” Erwin demanded.

“They didn’t make it out, sir,” Eld said.

“What do you mean?”

Eld and Dita exchanged a glance, and the latter stepped forward, clearing his throat. “They didn’t
make it out. They were at the centre of the blast, near the flank that was taken out by the titans. We
recovered some bodies, but there was no sign of either of them. We presume they died in the
explosion or were eaten.”

Impossible. Erwin’s head spun. They’re skilled soldiers. They must have taken refuge, then lagged
behind on the ride home. They’ll arrive at the gates in the next hour or two. He clenched his
trembling hands into fists.

Now all four personnel exchanged glances.

“Erwin?” Mike asked. “Do you need a minute?”

“I’m fine. Let’s get started.” Somehow, he found his way to his seat without sinking to the floor.
He pulled out a sheet of paper, a pen, and an ink pot, then opened the next-of-kin file that sat on his
desk. How carelessly he had set it out the night before; how far away death had seemed then.
A memory of lemon scent surfaced, but he shoved it back under. He could break down later, if he
needed to. Right now, he had work to do.

“You first, Berit.”

“Sir.” She stepped forward and saluted. “Nine casualties in my squad, three bodies recovered.” She
began to list off names.

Erwin tried to note them down, but his hand was shaking so badly that his words were illegible.
His vision blurred. He cursed softly to himself, furious that his body would betray him.

“Here,” Mike said quietly, taking the pen from his hand. “I’ll take notes. You dictate the next of
kin.”

Clearing a knot from his throat, Erwin said, “Thank you.”

They went through all the casualties one at a time, and even though the number was, as he had
suspected, low for an expedition of this size, that was no longer a consolation. Erwin read the next-
of-kin document mechanically, barely paying attention to the syllables. His ears were straining for
the sound of bells, for the announcement that more Survey Corps members were safely inside the
walls.

“And finally,” Dita said, voice cracking, “Levi, last name unknown.”

He isn’t dead. He isn’t dead! He isn’t— Erwin drew in a deep breath and held it, then slowly let it
out.

“Commander?”

“One moment.” Erwin’s finger found the name and slid across it, feeling the indentation from
Levi’s heavy hand. “Next of kin, Erwin Sm—” His voice died before he could finish. He stared at
his name, certain he must have misread.

A long, heavy silence filled the room.

“I suppose,” Mike said finally, “you were the closest thing he had to a living friend.”
Has , thought Erwin. The closest thing he has to a living friend.

He cleared his throat again. “Is that everyone, Dita?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then there’s only one more person to note: Commander Anke Roth. Next of kin, a sister, Sara
Roth, Stohess District.” Standing, he added, “Everyone is dismissed.”

Most of them seemed eager to leave, but Mike lingered. “Erwin, about Anke—”

“We’ll talk later.”

“No, listen—”

Erwin stood. “Dismissed, Mike.”

Mike’s lip curled, but he saluted, turned, and left the room, the door closing hard behind him.

Erwin paced toward the window and sagged against it, letting his forehead fall against the cool
glass. Any moment now, Levi and Hange would ride into the yard, maybe with a few other soldiers
in tow. They would share drinks as Levi recounted a wild story about their escape, and tomorrow,
their lives would return to normal.

He had to be right. There was no other option. Beneath his numbness, beneath his denial, a
dangerous pressure was beginning to build, and he wasn’t sure what would happen if it erupted.

Levi groaned. His head throbbed, his stomach twisted, and he was cold. Something hard and
knotted was digging into his back. Where the hell am I?

He could make out Hange leaning over him, wide eyes magnified by the goggles. “Levi? Can you
hear me?” The words rocketed through his skull.

“Not so loud. What happened?” He struggled to sit.

“Easy. I think you have a bad concussion.” Hange helped him sit up, and his vision gradually came
into focus. They sat on a thick tree branch in the middle of the forest. A group of five titans clawed
at the tree trunk below them, all of them three- to seven-metre class.

“What the hell?” Had he ventured into the trees during the expedition? When he tried to recall
what had happened, his mind felt sluggish.

“Beautiful specimens, aren’t they?” Hange said.

“No, they’re hideous.” Looking down was making his head throb, and he clutched at his temples.

“Easy,” Hange said again. “You’ve been unconscious for awhile.”

“How long?”

“Seven, eight hours.”

“What?” That’s not good. He tried to stand, but his legs were too weak. “Why are we up a fucking
tree?”
“Titans closed in on us while we were stunned from the explosion. The only safe place to go was
up, so I grabbed you and pulled us into the trees. Some of them followed us, so I had to fight.”
Hange beamed. “Took down five without any assists.”

“Five?” His brows rose, impressed, and a flush coloured Hange’s cheeks.

“Well, it wasn’t so difficult, because these titans are particularly stupid. I think that’s why they
didn’t notice us until they heard the cannon rounds explode.”

He tried to remember this explosion that kept coming up, but the impact must have rocked his
skull, because his memories were jumbled.

“Are we alone out here?” he asked.

“As far as I can tell. We’re about five hundred metres from the horses, if they’re still waiting where
we left them. I’d call them, but the undergrowth is too thick for them to reach us. I’m almost out of
water, and I expended all my gas getting you here and then taking down those titans.”

“Great.” Levi popped out a gas canister to check his levels: three-quarters full. He shouldn’t have
wasted so much gas getting into the silo. He closed his eyes, trying to force his uncooperative brain
to concentrate. “So if we go for the horses from here and I carry you, how much gas will we
need?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Hange’s legs dangled off the branch, heels kicking. “Even assuming the horses
are there and we make it to them, we’re nearing sunset. We can’t run the horses at full speed in the
darkness, even if we lit our torches; they would outrun the torchlight. All we’d be doing is lighting
ourselves up as defenseless targets.”

Frustration welled within Levi. “So, what, we’re stuck here until morning?”

“Yes.”

“Shit.” Levi drummed his heels against the branch as he peered down at the titans. The light
around them was orange and dimming. Soon, the temperature would drop even more. He didn’t
want to think about how cold it would get. The Survey Corps winter uniforms were made to
withstand reasonably cool weather, but expeditions usually halted during the coldest part of the
year. Guess we’re going to find out how well these uniforms stand up to the cold.

His head was still spinning; he tried to focus. If there are other soldiers out here, maybe we can all
huddle together to stay warm. “ Are we alone out here?”

Hange was quiet for a moment. “You already asked that. Here, let me have a look at your eyes.” A
hand gripped his jaw; he tried to pull away, but the grip was too strong. “Well, at least your pupils
are the same size. Hopefully your forgetfulness is just the concussion and not permanent brain
damage. But don’t sit so close to the edge. You could lose your balance.”

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t. His head swam, and the only thing that kept him from vomiting was dignity.
He also had the overpowering urge to fall asleep, but he had already lost seven hours of the day to
unconsciousness, and he wasn’t about to lose more.
“They’re going to think we’re dead,” he said. “Erwin and Anke are probably sending our death
notices to the Capital right now.”

“Probably.”

“Might as well be dead. What do you think the odds are that we make it back?”
There was no response, and Levi glanced at Hange, who seemed lost in thought. At least if he had
been stuck up here with Erwin, this might have been more tolerable: talking to pass the time,
clinging to each other for warmth, working together to figure out a way home.

“This didn’t need to happen,” Hange said suddenly. “We shouldn’t have formed a perimeter that
thin. It left us vulnerable.”

“Erwin said several scouting missions had been here before. There were never any titans.”

“That didn’t mean there were never going to be any. And here we are.”

“Yeah. Here we are.” Levi leaned forward, studying the titans. Their movements were slowing.
Maybe they got tired at the end of the day, like animals. He hoped so. If that were the case, they
could wait until the titans were asleep, then sneak away undetected.

His frustration began to build. The only thing he hated more than being trapped was waiting, and
now he had to deal with both at the same time. He reacted by lashing out. “Why the hell did you
take me into the forest? If you had headed toward the group—”

Hange looked surprised. “We were penned in. I needed to get to high ground.”

“At least if you took me to the top of the silo, we could have dropped into it for shelter tonight,
instead of being stuck in a fucking tree.”

For the first time since they met, he saw a flash of anger behind the goggles. “Like I said, we were
penned in. Maybe I could have manoeuvred through the titans to get to the group or to the silo if I
were alone, but I was carrying your dead weight.”

“So now it’s my fault.”

Hange looked away. “Your concussion is amplifying your emotions and making you irrational. I’m
sure you’ll thank me for saving your life once you can think straight again.”

Levi felt a wave of shame, but he was too proud to apologize. He closed his eyes, wishing fervently
that he was back at the base, having that drink Erwin had promised him. He couldn’t even
remember the last words they had exchanged. If he had known how things would go, what would
he have said? A confession? A playful insult? A thank you?

He recalled the way he had dreaded bumping into Erwin that morning; that dread seemed foreign
now. Maybe love and sex were off the table, but he was okay with being friends, if that was what
Erwin wanted. They had bonded on that rooftop, and that bond was meaningful, no matter what the
context.

“You know what, Hange? When morning comes, we’re going to get to the horses just fine. I don’t
care how little gas we have, or how hard it is to manoeuvre two people with one set of gear: I’ll get
us there.”

“How can you be sure?” There was a waver to the words, and that uncertainty only gave Levi more
resolve.

“Because a good man once told me I was always meant to fly, and I’m going to prove him right.”
 Erupt
Chapter Notes

Thanks for the reviews and comments so far! I was hoping to finish off this particular
arc in this chapter, but it ended up running long, so I split it into two chapters instead.
I'll try not to take too long with chapter 5. Thank you for reading!

-4-

Erupt

Erwin drifted through his post-expedition routine in a fog. He was trapped in a strange, surreal
dream: the room he undressed in, the water he bathed in, the skin he soaped, none of it was real.
The soft whispers of his colleagues, their staring eyes, all fragments of a dream. He towelled off
numb skin, dressed, wandered back to his room, and then lay down, staring at the ceiling.

Through it all, his ears strained, listening for the sound of bells.

When a knock sounded at the door, he wondered if it would be good news, or bad news, or none at
all. “Come in.”

The door opened to reveal Keith Shadis. The sympathy in the ex-Commander’s eyes was out of
place; emotions did not belong in this numb dream world.

“I came as fast as I could.” Shadis stepped into the room and closed the door. “I’m sorry to hear
about Anke.”

Erwin’s head rolled along the pillow and his gaze returned to the ceiling. “We lost two Squad
Leaders as well. Hange Zoë and Levi.” His name slid between Erwin’s lips like burning liquid, left
them blistering.

“Ah.” Shadis’ face fell. He crossed the room to stand by the bed, hands clasped behind his back. “I
was already sweetening up the powers-that-be to lay a path for research funding for Hange. And
Levi, well, the reputation of his skill was spreading. The new trainees all know his name. They
were calling him Humanity’s Strongest. I’m sorry. I know you had high hopes for them.”

Erwin sat up. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the Commanders’ pendant. “Here.”

“Keep it. You’re next in line. We’ll start the paperwork next week.”

“Why? My strategy led everyone to their deaths.”

“Your survival numbers were higher than usual. You didn’t cause deaths; you prevented them.”
Shadis dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. “You might want to clean the blood off that thing
before you start wearing it.”

Erwin’s thumb slid across the green gemstone, feeling the crusted texture, the only bit of Anke that
remained. He swallowed hard. “I need you to show me the proper paperwork to file—”

“Later. We’ll worry about the bureaucracy tomorrow. Take a night to collect yourself.”

How could he collect himself when he hadn’t yet fallen apart?

Shadis gave him a kind smile and turned to leave, but Erwin caught his arm to stop him.

“Keith. Among the supplies we recovered, we found locked red boxes stamped with the royal seal,
and very little else of value. Do you know what they are?”

Shadis’ expression was inscrutable. “Sounds like tax collections. When Wall Maria fell, there
wasn’t enough time to transport all the wealth back to the King, so the Garrison stored lockboxes
inside military silos for safekeeping.”

“We risked our lives for that silo. We were led to believe that there were supplies of value in
there.” Erwin’s jaw clenched as he remembered Levi’s words: someone set us up to fail.

“Sometimes, it’s difficult to know how many supplies remain in our caches. There can be looters
and—”

“Outside the walls? Besides, the locks were rusted shut; no one has been in them for years.” Erwin
leaned closer, brows low. “Our informant duped us by exaggerating the supplies in this silo,
knowing we’d find the King’s gold instead and return it. This was always about money, under the
guise of being for the sake of humanity.”

Shadis looked uneasy. “That’s a bit of a stretch. We have to assume that the information was given
in good faith. All branches of the military are working toward the same goal.”

Are they really? “Who provided us with the tip about the silo in the first place? It was someone
close to the King, wasn’t it?”

Now Shadis looked outright uncomfortable.

“Keith.” Erwin gave him a friendly smile. “I won’t do anything untoward. If I’m going to
command the Survey Corps, I have to know which sources are reliable for accurate information,
and clearly this one is either corrupt or being led astray from above.”

Shadis sighed. “Very well. Captain Nile Dok of the Military Police.”

“Nile?” That was a surprise. Nile had been his dearest friend, once upon a time, and while he was a
bit of a yes-man, he wasn’t the type to dabble in corruption.

“I spoke with him last month. He was going through old files and discovered several stockpiles;
this particular silo was the most promising on the list.”

“I see.” The next time Erwin was in the Capital, he would have to pay his old friend a visit.
Perhaps he could take him for drinks, get him talking a bit.

“Erwin.”

He looked up to see concern on Shadis’ face.

“Yes?”

“Don’t get obsessed with this, not when you’re so raw. Take a night off to grieve. You can’t bottle
up emotions and expect them to go away. Trust me, I tried. They just end up venting themselves at
the wrong times, in unhealthy ways.”

Erwin focused on the pendant, using his thumbnail to flake off the dried blood. “With all due
respect, Keith, people mourn in different ways. I am no stranger to death. I will be fine.”

Shadis’ face was drawn, the shadows under his eyes heavy. “I worry about you, son. You push
yourself too hard. You’re a brilliant mind, and humanity can’t afford to have you burn out.”

The term ‘son’ and the words that followed made Erwin’s throat tighten, but he swallowed hard to
clear it. “If it will put your mind at ease, I’ll take the night off.”

“Good. Please let me know if you need anything.”

Shadis left the room, the door closing behind him.

Erwin finished cleaning the pendant, then put it on. The last thing he wanted right now was to take
a night off. Pressure was still building deep within him, and lying in bed thinking was only going to
make it harder to maintain his denial. He considered joining others in the mess hall, but decided he
needed to be alone—everyone kept giving him those unnerving sympathetic looks.

The bottle of whiskey was still in his office, waiting for Levi’s return. Maybe he would help
himself to a taste of it while he waited.

Darkness was rapidly descending on Levi and Hange, and the temperature was dropping with it.
Levi wrapped his arms tightly around himself, trying not to show that he was shivering. Even
worse than the cold, he had to take a piss, but he’d be damned if he was going to piss off a tree
branch, especially with Hange sitting right beside him. This whole situation was infuriating, and he
couldn’t wait until morning arrived and they could get the hell out of there.

It wasn’t all bad, at least. He couldn’t see the base of the tree in the darkness, but the lack of thuds
below them suggested the titans had given up for now.

“Levi?” Hange said tentatively, as if afraid to flare up his anger. “I had to kill a few titans while
you were out. There were some interesting findings.”

He chewed the inside of his cheek. “I don’t care about your findings.”

“Last expedition, I kicked a titan’s severed head. It was feather-light. Isn’t that odd? They’re so
massive that one would expect them to be heavy. So this time, I chopped off the arm of one of my
victims and tried to move it—”

“I don’t care.” Nausea welled in Levi’s chest, white hot, and this time, he couldn’t will his way out
of it. He leaned forward and retched. There was nothing he hated more than losing control of his
own body, and when it was finally over, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Disgusting.”

Hange moved closer and peered down. “I bet you hit one of them.”

“Good. I hope it landed right in its revolting mouth.”

“You okay?”
He glared. “No, shitty four-eyes, I am not fucking okay.”

Hange’s legs swung, childlike. “It’s always shit with you, isn’t it? Shit and cleaning. You’re the
perfect definition of ‘anal retentive.’”

“Don’t analyze me, or I swear I’ll jump into a titan’s maw right now.”

“Leave me your gas before you jump.”

He looked up, surprised, and saw Hange smirking at him.

“Fuck off,” he muttered, gathering his knees to his chest. He wanted to fall back into a long silence,
but his bladder was going to burst. Wetting himself would be even less dignified than pissing from
a tree branch. He cursed to himself and stood. “Turn your back.”

“You shouldn’t be standing,” Hange said with concern. “You might lose your balance.”

“Better than pissing myself. Do not turn around, you hear me?” Levi shakily made his way toward
the end of the tree branch, stopping before it got too thin. The thick jacket was awkward to push
aside, and the cold and lack of light didn’t make his task any easier. He hoped he wasn’t
accidentally urinating on his boots.

Once the disgusting task was complete, he carefully adjusted his uniform into place. His hands felt
grimy and unclean, but there was no way to wash them unless he sacrificed some of their precious
drinking water. Scowling, he returned to his spot.

“Done?” Hange asked.

“Yeah, you can turn around again.” He hugged his knees to his chest, shivering. He felt a hand
tugging at his fur-lined hood, and he tried to duck away. “What are you doing?”

“Cover your head. You’ll stay warmer that way.”

“I know that,” he muttered, jerking his hood into place. “I was shivering on the streets for years
while you were tucked away in your warm little university.”

There was a long pause. “I didn’t go to university.”

“What?” He glanced at Hange, who was staring absently at the ground below them.

“My résumé is a lie. My family couldn’t afford to send me to university. I spent all my spare time
in libraries, teaching myself.”

He considered. “Being self-taught is more impressive than having it all force-fed to you, really.”
Seeing that Hange’s mouth was beginning to droop, he added, “You’ve been watching titans all
day, right? You should write down everything you saw. Maybe something you observed will help
us learn more about them. You could come out of this a hero.”

There was no response except for a tiny smile, but that was enough to make him feel a little better.
The two of them didn’t know each other well yet, but as stoic as he pretended to be, he hated to see
anyone down on themselves.

“It’s getting cold,” Hange said. “Would you mind if we sat back-to-back? That way, we can share
body heat without it being too intimate.”

He shrugged and turned his back, and Hange mirrored the motion. After a few minutes, he could
feel heat building between them, and his shivering began to subside. Body heat in the cold
reminded him of the rooftop again, and his teeth clenched. Can’t you go two damned minutes
without thinking about Erwin?

He apparently wasn’t the only one whose thoughts were back at the base. “What do you think the
others are doing right now?” It was strange to hear an even tone coming from Hange; maybe that
seemingly unlimited energy had a limit after all.

“Mike’s drinking,” he said. “Anke’s doing paperwork. And Erwin … ” He trailed off. “They all
think we’re dead, don’t they?” Was Erwin mourning? It was difficult to picture him showing any
emotions. The grief he had shown over the framed drawing the week before was the first time Levi
had seen him sad. How upset is he? Was I important to him, or just a project?

“ You and Erwin,” Hange said, as if it were the beginning of the sentence.

His muscles tensed. “Yeah?”

“I always wondered what you did to convince him to bring you into the Corps.”

Levi shrugged. “I tried to go toe-to-toe with him, and almost got the better of him. He liked my
skills and my attitude.”

“That’s it?”

“Look, if you’re going to ask me what goes on in Erwin Smith’s head, I can’t answer you, because
I have no fucking idea.” He wished he knew. Maybe that was part of the reason this stupid crush
had gotten out of control; he had always been drawn to a challenge. Erwin was more than a
challenge. He was an impossibility.

Hange paused, then said softly, “I thought there might be more to it than that.”

Panic fluttered in his chest. “Why would you think that?”

“Well, you’ve mentioned his name about five or six times since you woke up. And the way the
two of you interact, like back at the silo, or when you were interviewing me—it’s as if half the
words don’t get spoken aloud.”

“We work together a lot.”

A pause. “I saw the two of you on the rooftop last night.”

His eyes narrowed. “What?”

“You seemed pretty upset, and we’ve got some time, so I thought you might like to talk through it.”

“What the hell? You were spying on us?” He reached behind him to smack Hange’s head.

“Ow! Not spying. I’m a scientist. I observe.”

“I’m not your damned test subject.” He reached back for another smack, but this time, Hange
ducked out of the way.

“Stop hitting me. I’m just making an effort to be your friend.”

“Spying is a shitty thing to do.” Levi rested his chin on his knees, brows low. “You want to be my
friend? Don’t fucking spy on me.”
There was a long silence, and Hange’s back began to quiver against his. He couldn’t tell if it was
from the cold or tears, but the latter option made him feel awful. He gave an exasperated sigh.
Maybe it would feel good to get this off his chest.

“Say I do want to talk about it. It stays between us, right?”

“Of course,” Hange said. “I won’t tell a single person.”

Levi shifted his legs to get more comfortable. Talking about his feelings wasn’t something that
came naturally to him. Growing up in the gutters meant toughing through problems, not dwelling
on them. He took a deep breath.

“So maybe I care about him a bit more than I’d like, yeah. Problem is, he lost someone once, and I
think it hurt him more than he lets on. Says he’s afraid of losing someone he cares about, or dying
and leaving them behind. Or maybe he was just trying to let me down gently.”

“No, he’s definitely attracted to you. He behaves strangely around you sometimes, like he’s afraid
to touch you. Except last night, I guess.”

Levi’s cheeks warmed. “You watch him a lot?”

“I watch everyone a lot. Scientist, remember?”

“Creepy.” He chipped at a piece of loose bark with his heel. “I keep wondering how he’s reacting
right now. Part of me hopes he’s crying his fucking eyes out. The other part of me doesn’t want
him to suffer like that, and hopes he isn’t really upset. Both options make me feel like shit.”

“Assuming he made it back safely, of course,” Hange said off-handedly.

Levi whirled. “Why the hell would you say that?” He hadn’t considered the possibility that Erwin
could have died in the chaos. His head began to swim. “Dammit, I have a concussion. You
shouldn’t be stressing me out.”

“Sorry. I didn’t think. I’m sure he’s fine.”

Levi tightened his arms around his body, shivering hard.

Erwin fixated on the window, running a finger around the rim of his glass. It was nearing ten
o’clock, and it was taking considerable effort to maintain his veil of denial. Each passing hour
made it more likely that Levi wouldn’t return. He carefully meted out another small glass of
whiskey, making sure to reserve enough for four drinks each for him and Levi. After tonight, he
was certain Levi was going to need them.

A knock sounded at the door, and even though he was sure the return would cause an uproar that
would have alerted him in advance, his hopes rose. “Come in.”

The door swung open to reveal not Levi, but Dita, carrying a box. “Sorry to interrupt, sir, but since
you’re Levi’s next of kin … ”

Erwin stared numbly at the box. It was customary to empty the bunks of the deceased on the night
of their passing, but Levi wasn’t dead, he wasn’t dead …

Without leaving his chair, he nodded. “Bring it here please, Dita.”

“Sir.” Dita set the box on the desk, then saluted. “I’m sorry for your loss, sir. He was a good man.”

Erwin nodded again. He stared at the box until Dita left the room, and then drained his drink.
Careful to save three drinks’ worth of whiskey for him and Levi, he poured another glass.

Levi is going to return. If I open this tonight, it will violate his privacy.

He took in a slow, shaky breath, then slung back the whiskey and stood. He knew, deep down, that
Levi wasn’t coming back. In all his expeditions with the Corps, he had never seen a soldier return
after becoming separated from the main group, at least not after more than an hour or two. Soon, he
was going to have to face the fact that Levi was—

Even the word was unthinkable.

He threw open the flaps. The box was nearly empty. He felt a pang of shame when he saw how
few possessions Levi had to his name: a few pairs of old pants and shirts, immaculately pressed;
some cleaning supplies; a few Survey Corps patches that looked as if they had been torn off old
cloaks; a small, worn dog carved of wood. At the bottom of the box, he found a single envelope
with “Erwin” written in Levi’s heavy, childlike hand.

He pulled out the envelope and set it on the desk, then rifled through the cleaning supplies until he
found a bottle of lemon soap. Feeling a bit embarrassed about it, he popped open the lid and
breathed in the scent. It wasn’t quite the same without Levi’s scent underneath it, but it was still so
familiar that tears sprang to his eyes.

Dropping the soap back into the box, he fell into his chair and helped himself to another drink.

Better hurry back, Levi. There won’t be any whiskey left for you, at this rate.

He continued to drink, glancing occasionally out the window. His mind hovered around safe
thoughts: the burn of the liquor, the sensation of the glass against his hand.

The town hall clock struck eleven, and Erwin realized the lamp was dimming. He poured more oil
into it, almost knocking the lamp over in the process.

Once the light was strong again, he grabbed the whiskey bottle and, bracing his elbow against the
table for balance, poured another drink. The last bit of liquor spilled out of the bottle and into his
glass.

With a low sigh, he picked up the envelope. It took him two tries to slit the wax on the back flap.
A letter was inside:

Erwin,

I’m no good at these things, so I’ll just say thank you. You helped me get my head on straight when
it was all mixed up. You were the first and only man I ever respected enough to take orders from.
The only man I would ever consider dying for.

I hope I took a few titans down with me when I went.

-Levi

.
Erwin drained his glass, then set the letter on the desk.

He tried to steady himself, but he was eroding from the inside out. Levi hadn’t died for him, he had
died because of him. Erwin was the whole reason Levi had joined the Corps, the whole reason he
had stayed when he could have slipped away. ‘Thank you’ was not the correct response after all
Erwin had put him through.

The erosion was close to the surface. His hands began to shake, and his eyes watered. He stood and
tried to focus on small tasks to keep himself together: move the empty liquor bottle into the
cupboard. Put Levi’s belongings neatly in the corner.

As he was moving the box, he stumbled. The lemon soap fell to the ground, and he realized, too
late, that he had left the cap loose. Soap began to leak onto the floor. He dropped to his knees,
frantically trying to right the bottle and screw the top on, but it was so slippery with soap that he
kept dropping it. His breath came in heavy blasts. This was his last link to Levi’s scent, his last
visceral link to the times they had chatted in close quarters. The soap kept pouring out, draining
from the bottle like blood.

A sob erupted from his lips, and he fell to all fours. For the first time since Henrik’s death, Erwin
began to weep.

“When I get back to the base,” Hange said drowsily, “I’m going to make them heat the bath, and
I’m not coming out until I’m as wrinkled as a raisin. And then I’m going into town and spending
my life’s savings on good books and mincemeat pies.”

Levi grunted his acknowledgement. He was curled in a ball, his forehead resting against his arms,
fighting to stay awake.

Hange nudged him with a shoulder. “Don’t sleep so soon after a concussion.”

“It’s bad enough that I have to be stuck up here, but having to stay awake through every moment of
it is even worse.” He rubbed his face with his mittens, trying to scrub the fog from his mind.

“Keep talking. What are you going to do when you get back?”

Thinking about a nice, warm shelter was the last thing Levi wanted to do, but he heard a note of
desperation in Hange’s voice. If discussion would help both of them keep sane, then so be it.

“A hot bath would be nice. I’m going to scrub every inch of filth off my body. Then I’m going to
have a bowl of oatmeal heaped with sugar and cream.”

“Oatmeal? You can dream up anything, and you choose oatmeal?”

“Shut up. I’ll dream up what I want.” As a kid living in the streets, he had always dreamed of a hot
breakfast, but he didn’t owe that explanation to anyone. His head rolled back. Through the
branches above him, he could see the clear night sky. The night before, under Erwin’s arm, he had
marvelled at its beauty. Now it seemed empty and cruel.

“What about Captain Erwin?” Hange asked, as if reading his mind.

“What about him?”

“What will you say to him when we get back?”

“I don’t know. I guess it depends on how he reacts.” He closed his eyes, trying to picture Erwin’s
reaction, but he had no idea what to expect. Most likely, he would get a nod, maybe a shoulder
squeeze.

A breeze wafted through the branches, carrying the scent of pine needles and the threat of snow.
Levi shivered and pressed back against Hange.

“What about you?” he asked. “You have a special someone back home?”

There was a long pause. “I’m not interested in romance.”

“Married to your work, just like the rest of us sorry bastards?” He pulled his hood further over his
face, trying to shield it from the breeze. “I don’t get why you’re so obsessed with titans, but it’s
probably a good thing. No one knows a damned thing about them. I know they’re quiet down there
right now, but I don’t know if they’re dead or sleeping or what.”

“Maybe each night, they go back to their little titan homes and tuck each other into titan beds,”
Hange said with a hint of mischief. “Papa titan reads baby titan a bedtime story—”

“Please don’t do that,” he interrupted, grimacing. “Last thing I need is to start putting a human face
on those beasts.” Killing big, dumb, murderous animals was easy: they were stupid meat sacks with
no apparent thoughts of their own. Killing beasts that had communities was a whole different story.

“I was joking.” Hange shifted behind him. “You’re softer than I expected. Rumour has it you were
quite the dangerous criminal a couple years ago.”

“Rumour? You mean Mike?”

“He might have said a thing or two, yeah. I only ever read about street gangs. Always wondered
what they would be like in real life.”

He shrugged. “You spend a lot of time hungry, stressed out and dirty. Nothing is ever permanent,
not friends or lodgings or even money. You get in lots of fights, though most fights come down to
posturing and yelling until one party gets intimidated and backs down, not true violence.”
“But you had each other’s backs, right? Bonds thicker than blood, fighting to the death to defend
each other’s honour—”

“Are you kidding? Everyone was suspicious of everyone all the time. Most of us were together out
of necessity, not honour. Although … ”

“Although?”

“Sometimes … ” He looked down at his mittens, curling and uncurling his fingers. “Sometimes
violence is the only way to teach someone their place. Sometimes you do trust a few people, and
you end up doing things for them you never thought imaginable.” The breeze had been eroding his
armour without him realizing it. He felt raw, exposed.

“I took it too far once,” he said quietly. “I killed a man. He did something unspeakable to my
friend, so I hunted him down. I didn’t expect to feel so guilty afterwards. From that point on, I
switched my tactics, learning to avoid confrontation instead of seek it. But there’s a part of me that
wonders … ” He trailed off, unwilling to admit the next words.

Hange had twisted around to lean closer, apparently hanging on to every word. “There’s a part of
you that liked it, isn’t there? And you wonder at your delight in killing titans, if it’s exposing a true
nature you’d prefer to keep hidden.”
His skin crawled. “What if that’s what Erwin saw in me when we first met? He saw a psychopath
who would delight in making a career of slaughtering things?”

There was a long pause. He felt Hange shift into position again, their backs pressing flat against
each other. “Maybe he did. But then maybe he saw himself reflected in you: someone who was
willing to go to absolutely any extreme to protect the things they loved.”

Levi scoffed. “Killing a man and strategizing for the military are two very different things.”

“You don’t think the two ever coincide?”

“Maybe, but Erwin?” Though the Survey Corps sometimes used violent discipline, he had never
seen Erwin lay a finger on anyone. Not directly, anyway. Sometimes he gave the orders.

Hange’s voice lowered. “I hear he used to pull strings for Shadis when it came to stubborn
government officials, and no one knows how he did it. Mike thinks it was through blackmail and
threats. Maybe even torture.”

“Erwin?” The idea was unbelievable, but even if it were true, Levi couldn’t decide if it was a
deplorable approach or not. How far should a person be willing to go to ensure the survival of
humanity?

He recalled that Erwin had mysteriously convinced the higher-ups to allow Levi and his friends
into the Survey Corps, bypassing standard procedure. Had all that been through bureaucratic
mastery, or had there been some underhanded dealings?

All of this was underscoring one painful fact: he knew almost nothing about Erwin. No one did.
Levi’s heart pounded. I want to be the one he confides in. I want to be the one person he can come
to with anything, without fear of judgement.

“Levi?” Hange asked. “You aren’t falling asleep back there, are you?”

His eyes flew open. He had begun to drift off, carried away by his thoughts.

“I’m exhausted,” he said. “Can’t we secure ourselves to the branches and nap until dawn?”

“Your concussion—”

“Fuck my concussion. If I slip into a coma and die, you can take my gas. You’d have a better
chance of escaping without me, anyway.”

“Okay.” Hange stood and began to manually pull cables out of the gears.

Levi hadn’t expected that. “Thanks for agreeing so quickly. Not one protest about my possible
death?”

“Look, I’m tired as hell, and we won’t be in any condition to go home tomorrow if we’re falling
asleep on our feet. I genuinely hope you don’t die, promise.” Using the cable as a grappling hook,
Hange secured it to the branch above them, then locked the cable length. “There. Need me to do
yours, too?”

His reflex was to do it himself, but his head was spinning, and after a few seconds of fumbling with
the cord, he gave up. “Yeah.”

Once they were safely anchored, he curled on his side, shoving his mittens into the opposite
sleeves and burying his face in his wrists.

“Hey Hange,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“If I never wake up and you make it back, tell Erwin he’s an asshole for leaving us out here to die.”

Hange peered at him with what he swore were twinkling eyes. “I’ll give him your cravat and tell
him your love for him was so powerful that it transcended rank and social class, and thoughts of his
visage were what gave you peace during your final moments.”

“Cute. He’ll never believe any of that came out of my mouth.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take some time to refine it during the ride back. I’ll probably end up throwing in
a couple curses and a shit reference or two.”

“You’ve got me all figured out.” He closed his eyes, drowsiness settling over him like a warm
blanket. “Guess if I want it done right, I’ll just have to survive the night and tell him myself.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Hange yawned loudly. “Get some sleep. Don’t die.”

“You too,” Levi mumbled, and sleep overcame him.

Erwin awoke with his cheek lying in a puddle of thick liquid. At first, he thought it was blood, but
then he smelled lemon. Levi’s soap.

The world tilted and spun as he struggled to push himself upright. His mouth was dry, and his
stomach was heaving. Drank too much.

It took considerable effort to stand. He staggered to his desk and pulled open a drawer to find a
clean handkerchief. As he clumsily wiped soap and old tears off his face, his gaze chanced upon
Levi’s letter, still open on his desk.

He’s not back. He needs help.

His eyes narrowed. His horse was fast, and a single soldier could slip through the night undetected.
I can be back before dawn.

He staggered to his bedroom. Even drunk, he managed to put on his gear with little effort, having
done it so many times before. He grabbed a coin purse and filled it, ready to bribe the Garrison
soldiers to let him through the external gate.

His winter jacket was still stained with Anke’s blood. His fingers clumsily traced the border of one
of the splotches. I’m sorry. I won’t let the others die.

The severity of his drunkenness didn’t hit him until he was working his way down the narrow
stairs to the stables; his body lazily ricocheted between the handrails as he descended. He tried to
straighten out his trajectory, but his legs had other ideas. Doesn’t matter. Ride will sober me up.

Saddling up his horse was considerably more difficult than putting on his gear. His fingers felt as
though they were twice their normal size as he fumbled with the buckles. He was swaying so badly
that he had to stop several times to lean against the wall and reorient himself. Paranoid that he had
forgotten important steps in his stupor, he triple-checked every buckle. Once he was certain
everything was ready, he grabbed the horse’s bridle and led her through the doors.

A man was standing in the courtyard, hands on his hips. Erwin squinted, but his vision doubled
instead of clearing.

“Step aside.” He winced when he heard how badly his voice was slurring. He shouldn’t have had
so much to drink.

“Erwin, what the hell are you doing?” Mike. His voice was gravelly with fatigue.

Carefully enunciating, Erwin replied, “I’m going to the city.”

“Why are you wearing your gear?”

With a frown, Erwin began to lead the horse around their obstacle, but Mike moved with him,
staying in his way.

“Stand down, Mike,” Erwin said, trying to ignore the panic building in his stomach— keep it
together, keep it together . “That’s an order.”

“You’re not sober enough to pull rank on me.” Mike folded his arms over his chest, standing tall.
“You’ve been acting crazy ever since we got back.”

“I have to leave. They might be alive.” He could feel pressure building near the surface now, the
last few layers of his control beginning to crack.

“You’ve got it in your head that you’re going to rescue them, right? Going to throw your life away
on a stupid drunken hunch. You head out there alone in the dark, you’re going to kill your yourself,
or your horse, or both.” Mike stepped in closer, his stance challenging. “This isn’t like you.”

Erwin tried to push him aside, but Mike caught his wrist. “Please, Erwin. You already let Anke die.
I can’t lose both of you in one day.”

“I let her die?”

“Well, you won’t talk to me about it no matter how many times I try. What am I supposed to think
happened?”

Erwin could feel his sanity slipping, slipping, fiery rage coiling inside every muscle, ready to
spring. “This is your last warning, Mike. Let go of me.”

Mike’s eyes narrowed. “No.”

Adrenaline flooded Erwin’s body.

The man standing before him was no longer just Mike Zacharias, but the embodiment of every
obstacle that had ever stood in Erwin’s way—the corrupt government, every titan he had faced, the
walls themselves. Nothing was going to stand in his way, not this time.

He drove his foot at the back of his attacker’s knee, zeroing in on the exact point that would make
a person buckle. Mike yelped and dropped. Erwin’s rage told him to keep fighting, but he ignored
it, instead snatching his arm free. He grabbed the reins and began to stumble toward the gate.

Running footsteps sounded behind him.

He turned in time to see Mike’s fist driving for his face. His dulled reflexes didn’t allow him to
dodge and retain his footing at the same time; he spun out of the way, but fell. Mike dropped on top
of him, pinning him to the ground.

“What the hell’s going on?” a voice asked.

“Erwin’s lost it. Go get Shadis,” Mike said, turning his head to address her.

Honing in on the opening, Erwin drove the heel of his palm into Mike’s jaw. Mike yelled and fell
back, clutching at his face. Erwin scrambled to his feet. The world swayed, and he staggered,
fighting to keep his balance.

Mike bowled into him again, and they rolled, the metal boxes of the gear slamming painfully into
Erwin’s thighs. He landed on his back, his breath knocked from him in a yell. A fist drove for his
face. He turned his head to avoid it, too slowly; knuckles connected with his eye socket. Stars
sparked across his vision. He shielded his face with his forearms, blocking a second punch, then a
third.

Above the ringing in his ears, he could hear his attacker yelling. “—you selfish bastard! How
many people have to die—”

He grabbed Mike’s collar and tried to throw him off, but that only provoked another flurry of
punches. Waiting for an opening, he swung his elbow at Mike’s face. Bone connected with
cartilage with a crack so strong that it vibrated through his arm and shoulder.

Mike rolled off him, clutching his nose and howling. Blood began to seep through the cracks
between his fingers, dripping down his forearms.

Erwin took a moment to catch his breath, then shakily pushed himself to his feet. “I’m sorry it
came to that, Mike.”

“My fucking nose!”

“Don’t follow me.” He grabbed the reins and began to lead the horse around his defeated
opponent.

“Smith!” Shadis barked behind him. “Take one more step, and I’ll have you tried for desertion.”

Erwin’s stomach dropped. He turned to see his ex-Commander flanked by two wide-eyed soldiers.

“Moblit, take Zacharias to the sanatorium. Eld, you take care of the horse.” Shadis strode forward
to stand before Erwin, hands clasped behind his back, face grim. “Take off your gear.”

Erwin held his gaze without flinching, even though he could barely stand. Aside from the effects of
the alcohol, his left eye was swelling, his lip throbbed, and his legs and hips were battered from
rolling around in the gear. He tried to think his way out of the conversation, but his mind was still
feral.

“Captain Smith,” Shadis said, the words laced with a quiet danger, “that was an order.”

Without dropping his gaze, Erwin unbuckled his gear and lowered the entire apparatus to the
ground, then clumsily stepped out of it. “Sir.”

“Good. Come with me.”

“Fuck you, Erwin,” Mike snarled behind him.

“Knock it off, Zacharias,” Shadis said, his voice weary. “Anke’s old office, Smith. Now.”

“Sir.” Erwin fell into step behind him. Now that the adrenaline rush was fading, his body was
remembering how intoxicated it was, and it was difficult to move in a straight line. His hands were
quivering, and he felt as if he were going to vomit. Above it all, he couldn’t shake the feeling that
each step he took away from his horse was a betrayal of Levi.

They began to walk down the hallway toward the offices.

Without turning around, Shadis said, “Which one? Levi, Hange, or Anke?”

“Sir?”

“Which one were you in love with?”

Erwin’s jaw tightened and he didn’t reply.

“It is one of them, isn’t it? The only other time I’ve seen you pull bullshit like this was when
Henrik Schermer died.” Shadis gave a low sigh. “When I said you needed to get in touch with your
emotions a bit more, this wasn’t what I had in mind.” He opened the door to Anke’s old office.

Erwin fell into a chair and raked a hand through his hair. His entire body was trembling now, and
he felt as if he were going to collapse at any moment. Levi, Hange, Anke: the pain of all their
deaths was crushing him, all at once. He would give anything to feel numb again.

Across from him, Shadis leaned back in his chair, his face softening. “How are you feeling?”

“Like hell.”

“Here.” Shadis pushed a plate toward him; it was covered in crumbs, but still held one lemon
wafer. He filled a glass from a pitcher of water. “This will help.”

Erwin’s stomach was heaving too badly to eat anything, but he gratefully accepted the water. He
took small sips, praying with each one that it would stay down.

Shadis poured a glass for himself. “I can relate to what you’re going through more than you might
think.”

“This discussion isn’t necessary,” Erwin said. He already knew he had been out of line.

“No? I have a Squad Leader out there with a broken nose who would probably say you deserve a
good lecture. Hell, I have half a mind to repeatedly dunk your face in ice water until you sober up,
so consider yourself lucky I’m just talking to you.” Shadis took a sip of water. “When I was just a
bit younger than you, I was in love with one of my fellow soldiers. I wasn’t present when she died;
she was on a routine scouting mission, not even a proper expedition. I went batshit insane when I
found out. Pulled a blade on my Squad Leader in front of the entire dining hall. We all snap now
and then, sometimes spectacularly, and nothing is more likely to push us over the edge than losing
someone we love.”

Erwin bowed his head, jaw clenching.

“I see that tightness in your face,” Shadis said. “You’re still wishing Mike hadn’t stopped you,
aren’t you? You’re pissed at us for interfering. What were you planning to do, risk your life for a
corpse or two?”
Swallowing hard, Erwin didn’t reply.

“Well, when you’re sober and you’ve had a night to distance yourself from this, you’ll start to
realize how badly you fucked up. But it’s okay. Everyone fucks up, even Commanders. The
important thing, the thing people will remember, is how you react after you fuck up. You still have
a chance to set things right.” Shadis leaned forward. “Tomorrow, address the entire Corps and own
up to what you did: you lost someone you cared about, and you reacted by attacking Mike and
trying to abscond with your gear and a horse. No excuses, just the facts and your apology. The
soldiers will respect your honesty. Consider a sincere apology to Mike, too. He was just trying to
save you from yourself.”

Every aspect of this was so degrading that Erwin’s skin crawled. He hoped he was drunk enough
that this entire situation would be an empty hole in his memory in the morning.

“Come with me.” Shadis stood. “I’m walking you back to your room and posting a guard on you.”

“A guard?”

“Just until you come to your senses. Can’t have you sneaking off in the middle of the night and
getting yourself killed.”

It was humiliating to be treated like a disobedient child, and even more humiliating to admit he
deserved it. He closed his eyes.

“Levi.”

“What?”

“You asked if it was Anke, Hange or Levi. It was Levi.” His voice cracked, and he was tripping
over the words, but it felt so good to say them aloud. “You were right: trying to repress feelings
just makes them erupt at the wrong time. I broke formation to look for him after the explosion. If I
hadn’t, maybe Anke would have pushed the formation faster right out of the gates. Maybe we
wouldn’t have been in the path of the abnormal that killed her. My actions didn’t save Levi, and
they cost us Anke.” His body was trembling uncontrollably. “How can I possibly undo all that with
an apology?”

“That pendant you wear around your neck is heavier than the other Commanders’ pendants,”
Shadis said. “The nature of the Survey Corps is such that there will be many deaths under your
command, and if you think about them too much, you’ll be able to find a way to pin every single
one of them on yourself. Don’t let them destroy you, but don’t forget about them, either. This is the
loss you need to consider when you’re strategizing, the human element I had to keep reminding
you of.” He surprised Erwin by pulling him in for a stiff, formal hug, clapping him on the back.
“And for what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry about Levi.”

He’s not dead , thought Erwin, but the outburst had completely shattered his denial, and this time,
he recognized the words as a lie.
 Return
Chapter Notes

Thanks so much for your comments! I've been away, so I haven't had a chance to
respond yet, but I really appreciate them.

This chapter was running long again, so I had to chop it in half. Hope to have the next
half up very soon. Thanks for your patience and support! :)

-5-

Return

Levi opened his eyes. Between the tree branches above him, the sky was just starting to glow pink
with the sunrise. Remembering where he was, he took a moment to assess himself. His upper back
throbbed, his head pounded, and he still felt off-balance. His mouth was so parched that he took a
long swig from his water canteen, not worrying about rationing it; there would be more water with
the horses.

His foot was numb. Further down the branch, Hange was using his ankle as a pillow. With a
grimace, he retracted his leg. Hange snorted mid-snore and looked up, blinking.

He held out the canteen. “Finish what’s left.”

“Oh. Morning. Are you well enough to move?”

“No, but it’s not like we have a choice.” He leaned over to look for titans below them. “Looks like
your friends are gone.”

“Good. Let’s hope they don’t come back until we’re in a position to outrun them.” Hange drained
the canteen, then handed it back and stood. “So: let’s lock down our plan.”

They spent a few minutes discussing how to best utilize the gas and, after a few quick exercises to
test Levi’s balance and coordination, they decided Hange would pilot, and he would keep an eye
out for titans. As undignified as it was to ride piggyback, he had to admit it made the most sense.

“Use as little gas as possible,” he said as he climbed onto Hange’s back.

“I know. Ready?”

“Ready.”

Hange ran along the branch, waiting until it began to bow before sinking a grapple into the next
tree trunk; the more time they spent on foot, the less gas they would use. At first, the trees were so
close together that they were using barely any gas at all, but as they neared the fringes of the forest,
the trees became sparse. He did his best to scan the environment, but his eyes weren’t tracking
properly.
“Anything?” Hange asked.

“I can’t tell. Hold up when you get to the edge of the trees.”

They didn’t even need to get that far—once the first glimpses of the silo came into view, he could
already see that the area was crawling with titans.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, I see them.” Hange settled on a tall tree to give them a good vantage point. To Levi’s left,
he could see the silo, and in front of it, an enormous crater and overturned cart. The size of the
crater was so impressive that his brows rose.

“Must have been quite the blast.” He was suddenly grateful to have survived with just a
concussion.

“Yeah, I imagine the pair handling the crates were blown apart, maybe a few others, too. We’re
lucky the cart gave us some cover, or we would have severe burns.” Hange was grinning, and Levi
sneered.

“Why the hell are you smiling? People died.” He dropped onto the branch and climbed forward to
look across the valley.

“Sorry, just relieved to be alive. Any sign of the horses?”

“I only see one. Looks like yours.” The horse was facing away from them, a good five-hundred
metres away. Several titans wandered aimlessly in the snowy field, blocking their path. “How
much gas do we have?”

Hange grimaced. “Not enough to close the distance from this angle, unless we want to risk a messy
landing.”

“So what if one of us goes alone, then brings the horse around for the other?”

“Still might not be enough to get that far. Think we risk bringing a swarm of titans on ourselves if
we whistle for the horse?”

Levi dropped to all fours, crawling along the branch. Looking down gave him vertigo—damn his
concussion— but his balance was decent so long as he looked at the horizon as he moved. Once he
had reached a good vantage point, he paused.

“Two seven-metre classes, one five-metre, two three-metre are all in range. If we whistle, we risk
drawing them in.” He slammed a palm into the tree branch. “Shit! We’re so close.”

The branch bowed as Hange crept closer; he inched over to make room.

“Well,” Hange said, “None of them is tall enough to reach us up here, so we don’t have much to
lose by whistling. If they notice us, it might even gather them together and make it easier to kill
them.”

“Kill them. Without gas.”

“I said easier, not easy. Do you have a better idea?”

Levi sighed. He stuck his finger and thumb into his mouth and blew a sharp whistle, realizing too
late that he hadn’t been able to wash his hands since the previous morning. He grimaced and spat
off the branch several times, trying to clear the taste of sweat and leather from his mouth.

“Too quiet.” Hange let out a shrill whistle that left his ear ringing, and he groaned.

“Right in my fucking ear.”

“Damn, still not responding. It was right next to us during the explosion—I wonder if loud noises
can damage a horse’s ears?”

He rubbed his sore ear. “Wonder what that’s like.”

“Stop yapping. I’m trying to think.” Hange stood and squinted at the titans. “They aren’t
responding, either. But look at how evenly spaced they are. What if … ”

The length of the pause suggested they were about to try something truly stupid. “Fine, go on. Say
it.”

“If we leapfrog between the titans, we might be able to conserve gas.”

He stared. “Leapfrog between them. The two of us, using one gear, with me almost completely
useless.”

“If we anchor ourselves onto their backs and move between them, we can down each one as we
go.” Hange’s chin lifted in a look of superiority. “I killed five of them by myself yesterday, so we
should have no trouble finishing off that many together. I’m telling you, these are even dumber
than your average titan. They have frostbitten nervous systems or something.”

Levi gave an irritated sigh. “This is insane.”

“Better than waiting here to die, right? Hop on.”

Insane or not, it was their best option, so he obeyed.

Not wasting any time, Hange leapt off the branch, giving a delighted noise that was somewhere
between a howl and a laugh. The grapple sank between the first titan’s shoulder blades, and they
swooped toward it. The dumb beast barely had time to see them coming; Hange stood on its neck
and drove the blades deep into its weak point, scissoring the flesh.

The titan began to fall, and they sank a grapple into the next one.

“My turn,” Levi said, getting caught up in the rush. As they approached the next one, he readied
his position, planting his feet on Hange’s hips for leverage.

They landed on its back, and he pushed off, jumping high into the air. His mind was still playing
tricks on him, trying to disorient him, so he closed his eyes, letting his muscles work by memory as
he pulled into a spin. Even without the gear and the gas, he still had enough power to take out the
titan’s flesh.

“Sloppy cut,” Hange said, running up the titan’s neck to its head as it began to sink to the ground.

“Hey, I have no gear and a concussion.” He tried to wipe the titan’s blood from his skin; it began to
dissipate into steam, indicating that their platform was about to do the same. “Next one together.
Jump. I’ll grab your ankles.”

“What?”
“Throw me.”

Hange’s eyes lit up with understanding.

Together, they arced toward the third titan. As they approached, Hange’s body twisted away from
the target to wind up, then spun toward it, whipping Levi forward. He dove for the weak spot head-
first, his blades sinking into its neck like an arrow from a bow, and twisted, cutting a wedge out of
the flesh.

Hange landed firmly beside him. “Holy shit did that feel good.”

“You’re telling me. Your turn next.”

As they approached the next target, the gas sputtered.

“Dammit,” Levi said.

“We’re fine.” Hange’s gaze was focused on the fourth target. “How close are we to the horse?”

“Maybe a hundred metres.” The fifth and final target was only about ten metres behind the fourth
—it was still a hell of a jump to the horse beyond it. Not only that, but around them, other titans
were beginning to take notice. It was only a matter of time before they swarmed. He gritted his
teeth. We’re going to run out of titans to leapfrog, and it’s too dangerous to run on flat ground.

They landed and executed the fourth target and, without hesitation, Hange sank the grapple into the
fifth. The fourth’s hand fell toward them as they passed; they barely managed to dodge it with a
burst of air.

Hange cackled. “Close one!”

The celebration was premature: the gas sputtered, then gave out entirely. They began to freefall
toward the last titan.

Levi gritted his teeth. I’m not going to die here. “ Steer us onto its back. Then we climb.”

“What?” As their speed increased, so did the wind around their ears, and he barely heard the word.

“Climb the cable,” he yelled.

Without the control of the gas, they slammed hard into the titan’s rump. The impact jarred Levi
loose, and he frantically grabbed for Hange’s ankle as he fell.

The titan twisted to try to reach them, and Levi grunted, struggling to maintain his precarious
grasp. “Climb up.”

“I can’t grip the cable,” Hange yelled. “It’s iced over from the steam from the other titans.”

His grip began to slip. “I’m going to fall!”

“Shit!” Hange clicked two broken blades into place and drove them into the titan’s flesh, using
them as picks to scale its back. The titan began to swat at them with panicked motions, visibly
distressed, and one of Hange’s hands slipped.

“Levi, let go. You’re too heavy.”

Levi cursed. With his free hand, he pulled out a blade and, seeing it was too long for his purpose,
drove it at a bad angle against the titan’s flesh; the blade snapped closer to the hilt. Stabbing it in as
a new handhold, he released Hange’s ankle, then pulled out a second blade. The titan’s flailing
arms nearly smacked him several times. His breath came in short blasts as he used all his energy to
swing his body out of the way.

“Levi!”

“Yeah, one sec.” He broke off the second blade, then began to climb. When he was almost at the
top, he looked up to see Hange preparing to slice into the titan’s vulnerable spot. “Wait.”

“What? This thing is going to smash us or throw us off if we don’t take it down.”

“Look around you.” They were still too far from the horse, and the surrounding titans were getting
uncomfortably close. “We have to move it—”

The titan began to writhe, trying to shake them loose, and he stopped talking to put all his focus
into holding on. “Move it forward,” he managed to yell through clenched teeth. His hands ached.

“Levi—”

“Move it forward!” One hand slipped off the handle, and he frantically swung for it, trying to
reclaim his handhold.

The thrashing stopped. The titan stumbled forward.

Levi found his grip and looked up. Hange stood atop the titan, grinning wildly, a fistful of hair in
each hand, trying to jerk its head forward. “Come on, you bastard. Dance for me!”

He climbed up the titan’s spine as quickly as he could, then paused on a shoulder for a better
vantage point. The horse still had its back to them, unaware. He tried another whistle, but there was
no response. Its hearing really is gone.

“Levi, get up here and help!”

Climbing up the titan’s hair—so coarse and oily that his stomach heaved—Levi braced himself
against the beast’s forehead and pulled at its hairline, trying to send it off-balance so it would
stumble closer to the horse. The beast bent forward to try to shake him loose, and the motion made
it stagger forward a few more paces.

“This is too slow!” He counted six other titans within range. His fear erupted as anger. “That shitty
horse! What the hell is the point of it if we can’t get its attention?”

“Unless … ” Hange pulled out a flare gun and made an adjustment, then aimed at the horse.

“What are you—”

The flare canister met the ground a few metres in front of the horse, exploding in red smoke. It
reared with surprise and began to back toward them.

Levi’s eyes widened, and he pulled out his flare gun. “How did you—”

“Here. A Survey Corps horse won’t spook, but it has the sense to avoid exploding things.” Hange
grabbed his gun and adjusted it. Together, they ejected flare after flare, quickly herding the horse
toward them. The titan swayed and swatted, but they easily kept their balance, motivated. The end
was within sight, and it was getting closer, closer—
“Now,” Levi barked.

He heard Hange’s war scream—so fearsome that he jumped—followed by the sound of slicing
flesh. The dead titan began to drop toward the earth.

The instant the drop distance was safe, Levi jumped off the titan and rolled on the snow to break
his fall. When he righted himself, the horse was only a metre to his left, and Hange was already
mounting it. He put his foot in the stirrup, but between his disorientation and the horse’s size, he
couldn’t make it up to the saddle.

“Come on!” Hange grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him up.

The horse began to gallop.

Levi buried his face in the fabric of Hange’s jacket, not looking back. His head throbbed and his
mind hummed with adrenaline, and he had the overwhelming urge to vomit.

He felt Hange twist to look behind them, then heard a laugh. “We’re losing them. Ha! We are
fucking amazing, Levi.”

His pulse raced. He was only a few more hours from a meal, a bath, and his own bed. And Erwin.
Maybe it was ridiculous to put one man on par with the rest of it, but he was too exhausted to care.

What the hell? Erwin blinked, barely awake. Eld was slumped in a chair across from him, head
lolled back, snoring. What’s he doing in my room?
Then the previous night’s events slammed into him, left him reeling. Levi, Anke and Hange were
dead, and he had drunk three-quarters of a litre of whiskey and then tried to stage a oneman rescue
mission, and furthermore, something had happened with Mike, some sort of argument …

He gingerly sat up, bracing himself for the onslaught of what was sure to be the worst hangover of
his life, but the room tilted instead. I’m still a bit drunk. He rubbed his face with his hands, and that
was when he rediscovered the injuries that Mike had given him. Their fight came back to him in
full detail. Wincing, he rose to his feet.

A small vomit bucket was by his bed, and he was grateful that, at the very least, the drink had
erased this bucket’s existence from his memories. That wasn’t something he wanted to remember.

Poor Eld must have had a long night. He shook Eld’s shoulder to thank him and dismiss him.

He took it upon himself to empty the bucket. He braced one hand on the wall as he walked to the
men’s bath, his movements clumsy. Voices floated through doors and down the hallway: he must
have slept through reveille. Fortunately, no one passed him in the hall. He didn’t want anyone to
see their soon-to-be Commander stumbling half-drunk down the hallway, carrying a pail of his
own vomit.

A few soldiers were in the men’s bathroom. He quickly moved to the stall and emptied the bucket,
then rinsed it in the sink. Several pairs of eyes followed him, but he ignored them, focusing on
washing his hands and face.

When he finally lifted his head to the mirror, he frowned at his peaked reflection. His left eye was
dark and swollen, and his lower lip was split. He wet his palms and tried to tame his hair, but a few
strands kept falling into his face, and others stuck upright. No wonder everyone was staring.
A hand reached between him and the mirror, holding a bottle of mint mouthwash. Erwin turned to
see Shadis.

“Thank you,” he said, accepting the bottle. He opened it and took a swig, then began to swish it
around his mouth.

Shadis clapped him on the back. “How are you feeling?”

Erwin finished rinsing his mouth, then spat. “I’ve had better mornings. Do you know where I can
find Mike?”

“Last I heard, he was still in the san.”

“Thanks.” He handed back the mouthwash. “I’m deeply sorry about last night, Keith.”

Shadis studied him. “Do you feel embarrassed?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Regretful?”

“Sir.”

“Good. Means you’ll learn from it.”

I learned a lot , thought Erwin. I learned that even if I don’t act on my urges, they can still lead me
astray. He felt as if his spirit had been scrubbed with a wire brush. Everything he thought he knew
about his resolve was wrong. “I’m going to have some breakfast, then talk with Mike. After that,
would you mind if we chatted about how I should address the troops tonight? Maybe we could do
some of the paperwork as well.”

Shadis hesitated. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“I need to keep busy.” Even the thought of trying to read a document made his stomach heave, but
if the alternative was sitting around sniffing empty shampoo bottles and weeping, he would gladly
choose the paperwork.

“You’re also going to want to start thinking about who you will train to be the next Captain. It’ll be
a year or two before anyone in this lot is ready, I believe, but it doesn’t hurt to start training people
early.”

Erwin’s heart sank. There was only one man he could picture as his Captain, one man who had the
independence and skill required for the role, and he was dead.

“You okay back there?” Hange asked.

Levi groaned, his face still buried in the back of the jacket. About an hour into their ride, he had
tried lifting his head, but the morning sun had spiked through his eyeballs and into his brain. “Is it
at least getting cloudy?”

“No, it's still bright. We’re close to the wall.” There was a pause, then, “How are we going to get
over the wall with no gas?”

“Do you have any flares left?” he mumbled into the fabric.
“What?”

He pulled his face free, wincing at the bright light. “Do you have any flare cartridges left?”

“I’m all out. Check the saddlebags—there might be some spares”

With a displeased sigh, he began to rifle through the bags. “Why the hell did you bring books?”

“For observation. Would have been nice to have those in the tree. Might have helped us pass the
time.”

“There’s only one canister in here. Black.” He looked up. “We fire that, and the Garrison is going
to think an abnormal is about to storm the gates.”

Hange grinned. “That just ensures they’re going to notice us, doesn’t it? Would you do the
honours?”

He used his teeth to pull off his mittens, then slotted the cartridge into his gun and fired. The
canister ejected, then fell onto the grass. A plume of black smoke shot into the air, dissipating
before it reached the height of the wall.

“You adjusted our guns to herd the horse, remember?” he said, unimpressed.

“Oh, right.”

“Now what? It’s not high enough.”

“Patience. It’s close enough. The Garrison will have scouts stationed on the wall. We just need to
wait for one of them to notice the smoke.” Hange slowed the horse to a walk, guiding it toward the
gate. “Just a few more minutes, and we’ll be able to go home.”

Mike looked up as Erwin entered the sanatorium, then quickly looked down again. He was sitting
up in bed, gauze wrapped around his nose and head. A half-full bowl of broth was perched on a
tray in his lap.

“Go away, Smith. I’m trying to eat.” He paused. “Not that I can taste any of it.”

“This won’t take long.” Erwin pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. “I wanted to thank you for
stopping me last night, and sincerely apologize for hurting you.”

Mike eyed him. “My nose. Of all the things you could have smashed, you had to go for my damned
nose. The medics say it’s going to be a couple weeks for the swelling to go down enough for me to
smell anything.”

I didn’t do it intentionally; I was drunk , was the first phrase that rose in Erwin’s mind, but he
remembered Shadis’ advice from the night before: no excuses. “I’m truly, deeply sorry, Mike. You
were only trying to protect me, and I had no right to react the way I did.”

There was a long pause, then Mike sighed. “I was drunk, too, and I was taking Anke’s death pretty
hard. You weren’t the only one who snapped. I was trying to pick a fight.” He held out a hand.
“Out of our class, it’s just you, me and Nile now. We need to be on the same team.”

Erwin accepted his hand and shook it. “Yes, we do.” Let’s hope Nile knows that.
Bells sounded from the Garrison post at the wall.

“What the hell?” muttered Mike, turning to look at the window. “Are we under attack?”

“No.” Erwin slowly rose to his feet, gaze fixed on the window. “They’d be mobilizing us already if
that were the case. I should go see what’s going on.”

Don’t get your hopes up. What you want is impossible, he told himself, but his hopes were already
soaring.

He left the room and marched down the hallway, then took the stairs to the yard two at a time,
stumbling a couple times in the process. Other soldiers were gathering in the yard, too, puzzled
looks on their faces.

“Sir—” Moblit said, but Erwin cut him off.

“Everyone, stand back. Open the gates.” He strode forward, dizzy with hope, and stood in front of
the wooden gates that closed off the Survey Corps compound.

The gates slowly parted. Erwin’s breath caught.

At the end of the street was the impossible: Hange and Levi on horseback, alive.

He stepped forward to greet them, chin high, eyes filling with tears.

“We made it,” Hange cried as they approached the compound gates. “I can’t believe it, Levi—we
actually made it! We are unstoppable.”

He was silent, his gaze fixed on the only thing that mattered: Erwin.

Erwin was a shell of himself. His golden hair was dishevelled, and his face was bruised. All the
careful control was stripped from his face, leaving his brows pinched, his eyes glossy. Levi , he
mouthed, as if testing out the word, as if he weren’t sure he trusted his eyes.

Levi responded with a brief nod.

Erwin’s mouth closed and his throat bobbed, and that was when Levi noticed the Commander’s
pendant around his neck.

The horse came to a halt. The pair dismounted, standing before their new Commander. Around
them, dozens of their colleagues stared at them with wide eyes and slack jaws.

“Welcome back from the dead,” Erwin said, his voice cracking. “I imagine you both have quite a
tale to tell.” He turned to Hange in acknowledgement, but then his gaze drifted back to Levi, who
found he couldn’t look away. The bruising and burst blood vessels in one eye made the blue of
Erwin’s iris glow in contrast. I forgot how blue his eyes are, like the sky outside Wall Maria. And
just as unreachable . He added the last part out of habit, but the way Erwin was looking at him
now, he wasn’t so sure.

“We’re very happy to be here,” Hange said. Levi opened his mouth to echo the sentiment, but he
couldn’t find his voice.

Erwin clasped his hands behind his back and stood tall. “Levi, come with me for a quick debrief on
our situation. Hange, it will be your turn next.”
“What?” Hange said. “Can’t it wait? He needs medical attention, food, and water.”

“It won’t take long.” Erwin spun on his heel and began to march away. Levi turned to follow.

“Levi, you need—” began Hange.

“I’ll be fine. You go get what you need.” The food and all the rest of it could wait: above all of it,
he needed a moment with Erwin in private. He still didn’t know what he was going to say, but he
couldn’t just shrug off their reunion.

As they walked down the hallway, he noticed that Erwin was shuffling a little, one hand trailing
the wall. The scent of day-old alcohol wafted behind him, making Levi’s nose wrinkle.

“You okay? You look a little roughed up.”

“Had a bit of a difficult night. I imagine yours was worse, so I won’t complain.”

Levi hesitated, then said, “You’re wearing the Commander’s pendant.”

“Dead,” Erwin said before he even had the chance to ask the question.

“Shit.”

“We’ll talk more about that during your debrief.” He opened the door of his office, ushering Levi
through and closing it behind them.

The first thing Levi noticed was the empty soap bottle on the floor, surrounded by a caking pool of
yellow liquid. “What the hell? My soap!” He hurried forward and dropped to one knee, picking up
the bottle. “That shit was expensive. I’m gone one damned night—”

“Levi.”

He turned to see Erwin standing by the doorway, hands clenched in fists at his sides. He looked as
if he were about to say something, but then he closed his mouth again, a pained expression on his
face.

He’s at a loss for words. Levi slowly stood and turned to face him, hoping to rescue him with
words of his own, but his mouth was suddenly too dry to speak.

Erwin took a couple steps toward him, then stopped. “I thought … ” He chest rose, then fell.

For a long moment, they watched each other, unmoving.

Slowly, Erwin paced up to him. He placed a trembling hand on each side of Levi’s jaw, the motion
far too intimate to be platonic. They were close enough that Levi could smell mint and alcohol on
the breaths that puffed across his skin. He felt the warmth of Erwin’s palms, the strength of his
grip, and his eyelids began to droop.

Then Erwin lunged down, his mouth pressing against Levi’s.

The angle was all wrong: their noses mashed together, their mouths didn’t quite line up, teeth dug
into his lips, and stubble scraped his skin. On top of that, Levi’s head was throbbing, and he wasn’t
sure which of the two of them smelled worse. It was, technically speaking, the worst kiss he had
ever experienced.

So why were his knees giving out? Why were his eyes fluttering closed? He felt a rush of adoration
for this man and his clumsy, honest, face-mashing kiss.

Erwin began to pull away, but Levi caught his collar, tugging him back in. This time, their heads
tilted, and their lips met at a better angle. Warmth rose to Levi’s cheeks, settled between his legs,
and he ran his tongue across the split lower lip, tasting the metallic tang of old blood. Their mouths
parted, the tips of their tongues brushing. Erwin gave a low groan, and his hands released Levi’s
jaw to rake into his hair.

A knock sounded at the door.

Erwin broke the kiss and barely pulled away, their foreheads still touching. For a moment, they
waited, frozen in position and breathing hard.

Go away, thought Levi. Don’t give us time to second-guess this. Please, just go away.

Another knock.

“I’m so sorry, Levi,” Erwin whispered.

“Wait—”

But Erwin had already pulled away, striding for the door.

Sorry for the kiss, or for the interruption? Levi angrily adjusted the front of his pants, swearing he
was going to cut down the intruder.

“Sir,” said Hange's voice when the door opened. “I really must insist you don’t speak with Squad
Leader Levi just yet. He has a severe concussion, so he should avoid stressful environments. He
needs food and water. If you want someone to fill you in, I can take his place. He was unconscious
for the majority of it, anyway, and it was my decision to go for the trees that caused us to be cut off
from the group—”

“That’s enough for now, Hange, thank you,” Erwin said, “but you make a good point. I should let
both of you settle in before we discuss any of this further. Please excuse my enthusiasm.” He
turned back. “Squad Leader Levi, you are dismissed.” His face was back in its default neutral
expression.

The least you could do is look disappointed, jackass. “ Fine,” Levi said, annoyed at both of them.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, then marched through the door and down the hall, not
looking back. He didn’t want to try to scrutinize that unreadable face one moment longer.

Hange hurried to keep up. “You know, irritation can be a sign of a worsening concussion—”

Levi whirled. “Idiot. Next time, think about what you might be interrupting before you knock.”

His words were met with a blank stare at first, but then Hange’s eyes slowly widened. “Oh. Oh.”

He whirled and continued his march down the hall. He heard Hange calling his name, but he was
too frustrated to reply.

His footsteps finally slowed when he reached the sanatorium. Mike sat on a bed in the corner, his
face heavily bandaged. He looked up at them, and his jaw dropped.

“Holy hell, you guys are alive?”

“Takes more than an explosion, a night of exposure, and a few titans to kill us.” Levi sat beside the
bed. “What happened to your face?”

Mike grimaced. “You’ll have to ask Erwin.”

“Right, during one of those personal, revealing discussions he’s so famous for.” The kiss began to
replay in his mind, but he shoved it away. His pants were fitting poorly enough as it was, and he
didn’t want to frustrate himself even more.

“Hey,” Hange said. “Enough talking. You need medical attention.”

Levi sighed—the words were true enough, but he was still ticked off about the interruption. “Fine.”

And so, he submitted to a long series of medical tests that told him exactly what he already knew:
he had a concussion, and he needed to take it easy while he recovered, and other than that and a bit
of dehydration, he was fine. The medic gave him some wafers and a salted lemonade to sip until
dinner to help his body recover.

He thought about asking Mike for more information about his injuries, but he had already been
discharged. Hange sat on the bed instead, holding a jar of yellow liquid.

“You got this gross lemonade too, eh, Levi?”

He frowned and turned away.

“Aw, come on.” He could hear guilt in Hange’s voice. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. At least now you
know Erwin is interested in—”

He whirled to grab the other’s collar. “You agreed that not one single soul would hear about what
we discussed in that tree,” he said, his voice low and dangerous, “so I suggest you stop that
sentence right there.”

Hange blinked. “You seem tense. Maybe you should go take a bath and relax.”

As annoyed as he was, the suggestion was a good one. He had been planning to have a bath next,
anyway.

When he went to change, he was surprised to discover all his things had been moved into his new
room. His furniture had been set up—all wrong, but the thought was nice—and his belongings
were neatly stacked on the bedside table. An unfamiliar bottle of soap sat on the bed, a note
attached:

I’ll buy you a new bottle of soap when I’m in town next; until then, borrow one of mine. -ES

With his free hand, Levi popped the cap and held it to his nose. It smelled like blond hair and thick
eyebrows. Erwin couldn’t be too regretful about the kiss if he was setting up Levi’s room and
giving him soap, could he?

When he entered the men’s bath, he found another surprise: the water was heated, even though it
wasn’t a scheduled bath day. Had Erwin arranged this, too? A heated bath all to himself was the
greatest reward he could have hoped for after his ordeal. He stripped and sank under the water.
When he resurfaced, he already felt more relaxed. Normally, he would be in a rush to wash
himself, but the bath was such a lovely contrast from the cold tree branch that he decided to take
his time.

He had just started to soap his hair when the door opened, and Erwin stepped into the room. Their
eyes locked.

“My apologies for interrupting,” Erwin said, moving to step back through the door. “I expected
you to still be in the san.”

“No, come in. Unless you’re here to take a giant shit.”

“Just brushing my teeth.” Erwin approached the sink, pulling a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his
bag. “Is the bath heated to your liking?” He leaned forward to peer in the mirror, touching his
black eye.

“Not bad. You should join me.” The words felt too forward, so Levi added, “You smell like ass.
How much did you drink last night?”

“It’s that obvious, is it?” Erwin frowned at his reflection, then began to ready his toothbrush. “I’m
embarrassed to admit I finished off that entire bottle of whiskey. Our drink will have to wait for
another day, I’m afraid.”

Given how rarely he drank, he must have had one hell of a night. Levi was beginning to understand
where those mysterious injuries might have come from. “Well, I can smell it on you from here, and
there’s plenty of room in the bath.”

Erwin finally looked at him. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. Shadis is here to help with my
transition to Commander, and there are a few duties we need to attend to before dinner.” He
seemed to be reaching for an excuse.

He regrets the kiss. Levi turned away, folding his arms over his chest. “I get it.”

A sigh. “Levi … ”

“No, I get it.”

Erwin watched him for a moment longer, then started to brush his teeth.
Levi sank into the water until his bottom lip skimmed the surface. “We’re just going to pretend it
didn’t happen, right?” he muttered, wondering how he ever expected anything more out of the
closed and unreadable Erwin Smith.

Erwin cast him a sideways glance, but didn’t reply.

Levi’s instincts told him to sulk, but instead he returned to washing himself, trying to pretend
nothing unusual had happened. A few minutes later, he heard movement to the corner of the room,
then the sound of clothing being removed, but even though he was surprised, he didn’t turn around.
As Erwin slipped into the water beside him, Levi caught a glimpse of broad purple bruises. He
stared. The muscular hips and thighs were thoroughly battered.

“Titan?” he asked.

“No.”

“Mike?”

There was no reply. Levi couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever happened between them was
somehow connected to his disappearance.

Erwin sat on the bench across from him, his arms draping across the tub ledge in what was
probably meant to be a casual pose, but ended up displaying his musculature. Levi subtly studied
him. Erwin was so tall that the water only reached his breastbone, and his strong chest was lightly
covered with coarse blond hair. His head lolled back against the wall. Even his throat was
appealling, the lines of his neck swooping gracefully toward his jaw.

The urge to crawl onto his lap and start kissing that beautiful neck was strong, and Levi felt his
cheeks darken. He gave a frustrated sigh. “Fucking talk to me, Erwin. We’re two grown men, so
let’s discuss this like adults.”

Slowly, Erwin lowered his chin to meet his gaze. “All right. Where did you want to start?”

“Where the hell do you think?” For a moment, Levi felt his bravery wavering, but he steeled
himself. If you can face down a group of titans, you can face down this blond bastard. “I’m getting
mixed messages. First you’re holding me on the rooftop, then you’re telling me you can’t be with
anyone, then you kiss me, then you try to play it off like nothing ever happened. Make up your
damned mind. Do you want me or not?”

“Of course I do,” Erwin said quietly.

The answer was so unexpectedly direct that Levi’s breath froze, and his chest ached, and even as
exhausted as he was, he felt a surge of energy.

“You do?”

“Of course.” Erwin’s cheeks were darkening, but his expression stayed placid. “Someone like you
draws admirers: agile, intelligent, feisty, and pleasant to look at. My admiration for you has been
evolving in ways it shouldn’t.”

Levi’s heart pounded; he was having a difficult time processing everything he was hearing, and he
wasn’t sure if that was from the concussion or from shock. “What do you mean by ‘shouldn’t?”

“You want to discuss this like adults, so let’s look at our situation objectively.” Erwin leaned
forward. “I’m your Commander now, Levi, and you’re clearly the best candidate for a future
Captain position. If word of favouritism got out, it could undermine our credibility. We are in a
fight for survival above all else, and that fight must always come first. If we are to lead the Survey
Corps, we must have unconditional respect.” His gaze dropped. “And on a more subjective note,
the last man I loved died. Love makes people make poor decisions. In our line of work, that’s
something we must avoid at all costs.”

Love. The word made Levi’s heart race, even though the context was less than ideal. “You think
you’re the only one who’s lost someone they loved?” He felt himself getting angry that the excuse
kept coming up. “My first partner was killed in a fight with the Military Police. My second
abandoned me and never resurfaced. You’ll never see me using either of those as a reason to shut
myself off.” His eyes narrowed. “I know you had a pampered upbringing, so death might have been
a shock to you when you finally had to face it, but for some of us, loss has always been a fact of
life. You can’t let one person’s death completely change y—” He abruptly stopped himself.

Erwin’s eyes were wide, his jaw clenched. Slowly, he leaned back against the wall of the bath, his
face stony. Even though they were on opposite sides of the bath, Levi felt as though Erwin were
looming over him.

I crossed a line. What was it about speaking with him that made Levi aggressive? He seemed to
bury his foot in his mouth every time they spoke. Not quite sure what to say to undo the damage,
he waited for a response, his heart pounding.
Erwin’s voice was very quiet. “Do not assume I knew nothing of death before I joined the Survey
Corps. Last week, you guessed that my life was more interesting than I let on, and you were
correct, but do not confuse ‘interesting’ with ‘easy.’ The two rarely coincide.”

“The medics warned me that I might be more irritable than usual because of the concussion,” Levi
said quietly, the closest he could come to an apology.

There was an agonizing pause, then Erwin’s face relaxed and his eyes came back into focus. “I
suppose my refusal to disclose my past opens up my history for misinterpretation, doesn’t it?
You’re correct that I have let the past impact the present more than I should. But I’m not quite
ready to let go of what happened with Henrik, not yet, and I need you to understand that. Once I
have an idea in my head, it’s very difficult to dislodge.”

“So that’s it, then?” Levi said. “One shitty kiss, and we both move on with our lives like nothing
happened?”

A brow cocked. “Shitty?”

“Yes, shitty. You stank, and I stank, and I ended up getting more nose than mouth.”

Erwin looked a little offended, but only said, “I don’t see any option other than denial.” His fingers
absently traced his bruised eye.

“Did your denial have anything to do with that bruise?”

A pause. “I will be making a public apology at dinner about the events that led to my injuries, so
you’ll learn more then.”

“Public apology? It was that bad?”

Erwin looked down, visibly uncomfortable. “I did not take the news of your death with grace.”

In all the scenarios Levi had imagined when he pictured Erwin’s reaction to his death, nothing
came close to whatever scuffle the bruises suggested. His face softened. “Well, I’m alive.”

“You are.” Erwin looked up, solemn. “I want you to understand, Levi, that no matter how much
hesitation you might sense from me now, the moment when you appeared at the gates is one of the
most emotional moments of my life.”

A lump formed in Levi’s throat, and he realized he didn’t want to let his own feelings go unsaid.
“When I was up in that tree, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say when I saw
you again. Never did figure it out. But before this conversation ends and we start pretending
nothing happened, I want to get it out.”

“Okay,” Erwin said softly. “Go ahead.”

Unable to meet his gaze, Levi kept his eyes fixed on the surface of the water, keeping his tone
casual. “Look, I think a lot about working side-by-side with you, and killing titans with you, and
fucking you, and sleeping next to you, and having stupid conversations about dumb shit, where you
can tell me things you would never tell anyone else. I know there’s a chance I’ll never have most of
that, but I need you to know how I … ” He chanced a look up. Erwin’s eyes were glassy, but he
couldn’t tell if that was just from the bath steam. “I’m no good at this sort of thing.”

“No, that was … ” Erwin’s voice broke. “Levi, I don’t know how to proceed from here. Not with
you.”
“What do you mean?”

“If you were anyone else, my priorities would be clear, but even while I’m sitting here trying to
figure out how to put a permanent wall between us, all I can think about is how badly I want to pull
you closer.” The words trailed off as he spoke, the confidence draining from his tone.

Levi felt his breaths begin to accelerate; he smoothly pulled his knees to his chest. “This is exactly
what I’m talking about, asshole. You can’t say shit like that.”

“I know, I … ” Erwin bowed his head, rubbing his temples. “I know.”

There was a long silence. Levi waited, but it became apparent there would be no further
explanation.

“You know where I stand, Erwin,” he said. “Figure out what you want.” He dunked his head back,
rinsing the suds from his hair, then stood. “No kisses, or flirting, or any of that unless you’re
prepared to follow through. And don’t expect me to wait around forever, either.”

“That’s fair.” Erwin’s voice was quiet. “I need a few days to think all this over. I won’t make a
single advance until I’m sure it’s what I want. You have my word.”

Feeling a lump rising in his throat again, Levi quickly stepped out of the bath, reaching for a towel
with one hand, retrieving the soap with the other.

“And I want that new soap soon. This one smells too fancy.” He suddenly wondered what had
happened to the old one, but decided this wasn’t the time to ask. Erwin already looked confused
enough as it was, and it was unnerving to see that expression on the face of someone he admired.
He wondered if he, himself, looked just as lost. His head was certainly spinning. On top of that, his
limbs were shaky, and he felt as if he were going to vomit. Must be the concussion again, he told
himself.

He was about to leave, but then he heard, “Levi.”

When he turned, Erwin gave a small, forced smile. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re back.”

“Yeah, me too.” Unsure how to end the conversation, Levi turned and left the room.
 Hands
Chapter Notes

Wow, thank you for all the comments and kind words! :) I appreciate them more than
I can say, and I will reply to each one individually soon! :) Here's chapter 6 -- chapter 7
will be coming soon. <3

-6-

Hands

E rwin lifted his pen and dropped it, watching it roll down the file he had propped at a slant on his
desk. His other hand cupped his chin, the only thing holding his head upright. His eyes were
scratchy and drooping, and his mind paced circles around his conversation with Levi.

What do I want?

He caught the pen at the bottom of the makeshift ramp and dropped it back onto the top, watching
it roll again.

The problem wasn’t figuring out what he wanted: he already knew that. He thought he had lost
Levi forever, and now that he was back from the dead, all the reasons to hold back felt
meaningless. Sitting in that bath, Erwin had barely been able to resist the urge to grab Levi’s wrist
and pull him onto his lap. At least he had shown some restraint then; he was ashamed of how
recklessly he had acted during their initial reunion. How far would things have gone if Hange
hadn’t interrupted that kiss?

He frowned. That ‘shitty’ kiss. The word drove into his pride like a thorn, worming its way deeper
each time he thought about it. Maybe he had been a little too enthusiastic, but he was normally an
excellent kisser—or so others had told him—and he hated the idea that their only kiss would be of
inferior quality. Though, if he were honest, he couldn’t tell if it was really a point of pride, or if he
was just looking for an excuse to try again.

He dropped his head, fingers raking into his hair. Why was he spending his entire afternoon
thinking about Levi? There was work to be done. Focus.

A knock sounded at the door, and he was embarrassed by how badly he wanted it to be Levi
standing on the other side. “Come in.”

Shadis stepped into the room, a smile wrinkling his face. “This is an unprecedented day for the
Survey Corps. You must be happy.”

Erwin set the pen neatly beside the file, subtly flattening his ramp. “Indeed, I am. Happy is an
understatement.”

Shadis closed the door and took a seat opposite him. “Levi’s return isn’t going to cause any
problems, is it?”
“No, sir.” No more than it already had, anyway. He hoped.

“You’d better be telling the truth, Smith. I’d hate to see you throw your career away. It’s good for a
man to get laid once in a while, but don’t mix business and pleasure.” He pulled an envelope out of
his jacket and handed it across the desk. “Summons from the Capital.”

Erwin opened it, discovering an invitation to a formal induction ceremony in five days. He
swallowed hard. This was everything he had wanted, but not at the cost of losing Anke.

“After the induction ceremony,” Shadis said, “there will be a gala.”

“A gala?”

“Not on your behalf, I’m afraid. No one was expecting a handoff this soon after Anke’s promotion,
so they’re rolling you in with the spring solstice festival, since you would be invited to that
anyway. You’ll probably want to identify your next in command before then, bring them along and
show them the ropes, the way I did with you and Anke on occasion.”

Erwin tried to picture Levi at a gala in the Capital. The concept was ludicrous. “Will you be in
attendance, Keith?”

“No, the new trainees are having their first exam this weekend, so I need to shadow Instructor
Marta. But the other military branches will be there.” Shadis leaned back in his seat. “Be sure to
introduce yourself to Commander Dot Pixis. He’s a bit of an odd duck and likes the drink more
than he should, but he’s been around long enough to understand how the system works. He’ll be a
valuable ally if there’s a crisis within the walls. Captain Kitts Woerman will be with him, but—”
Shadis frowned. “He won’t be of much use to you. Rumour has it they’re going to promote another
Squad Leader to Captain soon. The branch is big enough that one Captain isn’t enough, anyway.”

Erwin quietly began to take notes. “And the Military Police?”

“You’ve already met Commander Williams, but rumour has it he’s taken quite ill and may not be
in active duty for a while. Likely Captain Nile Dok will be there instead.”

“Good.” There was still the matter of the empty military silo to discuss.

Shadis eyed him, evidently reading his mind. “Don’t go getting obsessed with those tax chests,
Erwin. You’re going to find the Military Police has questionable motives on occasion, but pointing
fingers at them will only bring you trouble. Don’t give them any ammunition. The Survey Corps is
hanging by a thread as it is—the Interior has been trying to shut us down for years. Each
expedition is scrutinized and criticized behind our backs.”

Erwin’s brows rose. “Is that so?” He had known the Corps was at risk, but not as badly as that.

“Over the years, I have purposefully been shielding you and Anke from some of the messier
politics. I know you’ve seen bits and pieces of it, but not the big picture.” Shadis leaned across the
desk. “Get in good with Commander-in-Chief Zackly; make him an ally, right from the start. He
already likes you, so that shouldn’t be hard. And make sure you have some expeditions that show
demonstrable progress. The last one was good—having a high survival rate and bringing back
something of value to the King will make people happy. If you can finally establish a base outside
the walls and make progress toward reclaiming Wall Maria, that will make the Interior happy as
well. The safer they feel, the happier they’ll be, and the happier they are, the happier you are.”

Erwin’s heart beat in his throat. He had long suspected that the wealthy elite had different motives
than the rest of the populace, and this only heightened his suspicions. He nodded. “Thank you for
this information.”

“You’ll figure out the rest yourself, probably in more detail than I ever did. You’re a smart kid.
Need a hand with that paperwork?”

“Please.”

It was, thankfully, much easier to concentrate with his mentor present. They worked together on
the paperwork until the dinner bell rang. Shadis stood and waited for him, but Erwin shook his
head.

“You go ahead. I need a minute.” He hadn’t spent any time preparing a speech, so he would have
to improvise. He needed a couple minutes to collect himself first.

He went to the men’s bath and wet his comb, then carefully parted and combed his hair. Using a
hand towel, he polished the Commander’s pendant, then straightened his collars. The black eye
and split lip were still ugly, but he didn’t look nearly as peaked as earlier, though he certainly was
feeling the hangover more. At least that meant he was finally sober.

With one last look in the mirror, he dampened his fingertips and smoothed his eyebrows, then took
a deep breath.

When he entered the mess hall, he saw Shadis, the Squad Leaders, and a few Team Leaders sitting
at the longest table. As he walked past, Levi looked up at him. Their eyes held for a beat too long,
but this time, it felt comfortable. Levi gave a small nod, and Erwin returned it.

We’ll be okay, he decided, e ven if we make the logical choice and keep our relationship platonic.
The thought of a platonic relationship was accompanied by a wave of loneliness, as if he were pre-
emptively heartbroken, and that’s when he realized logic wasn’t going to save him. Not this time.

He moved to the head of the room and clasped his hands behind his back, waiting. Gradually, the
murmuring died down, and dozens of eyes focused on him.

“Good evening, everyone.” His voice echoed. “I’m here for two very unusual reasons. The first is
to welcome back Squad Leaders Levi and Hange Zoë for accomplishing the impossible: returning
to base after a day’s separation from the group. I’m certain they have quite a story to tell, but as
they have had a trying day, I ask that you give them some space to allow them to reorient
themselves. Please join me in giving them a salute out of respect for the trials they have endured.”

The room rose to its feet. He thought he saw Levi’s eyes roll, but Hange’s lit up as their comrades
saluted in unison.

Once everyone was seated again, Erwin continued. “The second reason I’m here is to address some
rumours that are circulating about my behaviour last night. This will not be easy for me to admit; I
have a longstanding reputation as a man who can separate reason from emotion. However, if I am
to be your Commander, I want my relationship with each of you to be built on a foundation of
honesty and trust. This includes admitting to mistakes when I make them.”

He paused. His eyes scanned the room and landed on Levi. “In my many years with the Corps, I
have lost countless people close to me, but last night’s losses were a particular strain. I reached a
breaking point and made the poor decision to drown my misery in alcohol, which led to another
poor decision to mount a one-man rescue operation.” He saw Levi’s eyes slowly begin to widen.
“It was a stupid, selfish decision, especially at a time when a good portion of our senior leadership
was deceased or missing. If it hadn’t been for decisive action by Squad Leader Mike Zacharias, I
would have ridden to my death, and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t react well to his intervention. The
scuffle that ensued was no way for any member of the Survey Corps to behave, let alone a future
Commander.

“I come to you now with a sincere apology. You trust me to make the best decisions for the sake of
humanity, and I betrayed that trust. I am deeply sorry.” He pulled into a salute.

He didn’t expect what happened next: around the room, soldiers began to stand and return his
salute. His heart pounded in his throat. Is this what Shadis meant when he said people would
respect me if I were more in touch with my humanity?

Levi stood and saluted as well, and Erwin swallowed hard. Levi rarely saluted, even when proper
decorum required it.

“Thank you for your generous acceptance,” he said to the room. “That is all I have for you today.
Good evening.”

His cheeks were warm as he walked to the service line to receive his tray of food. Public speaking
was no trouble for him—he enjoyed attention and responsibility—but he was accustomed to
showing strength in public, not weakness. The soldiers working in the service line gave him nods
of approval and respectful murmurs of “Sir,” which put him a bit more at ease. As strange as it
was, it seemed his breakdown the previous night had been a step forward with the troops, not a
step back.

He had planned to take his tray back to his office, but as he passed the long table, Levi slid over,
leaving room for him at the end of his bench. The invitation was appealing; perhaps a break from
paperwork would refresh his mind. Erwin accepted the seat, the fit so tight that their thighs were
almost touching.

“Erwin,” Hange said with wonder, “you were planning to come rescue us?”

He smiled kindly. “Both of you are valuable assets to this team, and between your disappearance
and Anke’s death, I’m afraid my head wasn’t on straight. Thankfully, Mike put it back into
alignment.”

“Don’t ever try to fight Erwin,” Mike said to his comrades, his voice pinched by the bandaged
nose. “He was the top of our class in hand-to-hand combat, and he’s a lethal force, even drunk.”

“I didn’t know you could fight,” Levi said.

“I try to avoid it.” Erwin tapped his black eye. “Don’t sell yourself short, Mike. This eye is going to
get me a lot of questions when I go to the Capital next week.”

“Tell them a titan did it,” Dita said. “It’s not like the brass would know what it’s like to fight one.”

“All right, enough banter,” Shadis said. “I know we’re not supposed to pester our Squad Leaders
for information about their disappearance, but Hange looks ready to burst.”

Hange’s eyes lit up. “Levi, do you mind if I tell them all about it?”

“Yeah, sure.” Levi began to eat with his left hand, casually laying his right on the bench. Erwin
glanced down at it. They were sitting so closely that the little finger was almost touching his thigh.
Was the proximity intentional? An invitation, even?

“When the blast struck, we were partially shielded by the cart,” Hange said. “Levi got the worst of
it; he was unconscious when the dust settled. Titans were closing in on us, and I panicked: I
grabbed him and went for the trees. I should have gone for the silo, but—”

“There was no time to think,” Levi said, and Erwin was surprised by the gentle tone. Apparently a
night in the woods had done a great deal to forge a bond between the two. The thought of Levi
unconscious and helpless made fear settle in a cold ball in his stomach. Even when I went back to
check on him, I got there too late. If not for Hange, he really would be dead.

He glanced down at the bench again. The tabletop gave them cover; no one would see anything if
he were to place his hand on top of Levi’s. You’re supposed to be taking time to think this through,
he told himself, but he was a man who could see several steps ahead of every situation, and it was
already clear where this one was going.

Without changing his posture or expression, he began to eat with his right hand, laying his left
along the side of his thigh. His hand was less than an inch away from Levi’s, leaving just enough
of a gap to back out if he changed his mind. He had promised not to make any advances unless he
was certain, after all.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Levi’s throat bob.

“We were still being pursued by titans,” Hange continued, “and several of them were tall enough
that the trees wouldn’t protect us. I left Levi on a branch and took out five titans unassisted.”

“Five?” Mike said dubiously.

“Not as impressive as it sounds. These titans were strangely sluggish. I don’t know if they were
tired or the cold slowed them down or what. But I had some interesting findings when I tried to
chop off the arm of one of them—”

The body heat building between their thighs was wearing away Erwin’s resistance. He stretched
out his fingers, crossing his little finger over Levi’s; he received a sharp glance in response, but
didn’t pull away. The gesture could still be explained away as an accident, if necessary, but in his
heart, Erwin knew there was no going back now, not when that little centimetre of skin contact was
making his stomach flutter. He sat stiffly upright, eyes locked on Hange, and in his periphery, he
saw Levi mirror the pose.

“Okay, enough about your findings,” Eld said, interrupting the rambling. “I want to hear how you
got out of that mess.”

“Oh,” Hange said, “Well, the temperature kept dropping, and the remaining titans were still
swarming the tree trunk. Levi didn’t wake up for another eight hours or so—”

The severity of the concussion was much worse than Erwin had imagined, and his stomach
plummeted. I came so close to losing you.

Decisively, he grabbed Levi’s hand.

In his periphery, he could see Levi’s jaw tightening. He struggled to keep his own breaths even and
controlled, waiting for a reaction. This hand grip was more terrifying than any move he had ever
made. He could effortlessly seduce a stranger at a bar, deliver a passionate kiss to someone he
barely knew, but something about Levi stripped away all his years of practice. In this moment, he
was just a dumb kid in love, waiting anxiously to see if his crush would accept his hand or pull
away. He tried to distract himself by listening to Hange speak, but he had lost the ability to
comprehend words.
Then, finally, Levi reacted. His hand rotated, palm up, and their fingers intertwined.

A rush ran up and down Erwin’s spine, and he bit the inside of his cheek. This was well past the
point of no return, but he didn’t feel trapped. He felt free.

He cast Levi a sideways glance, and received one in return, their faces perfectly stoic as their
thumbs slid together beneath the table.

The conversation continued after dinner ended, shifting naturally between new topics. Officers
drifted from the table, until eventually it was Levi, Erwin, Mike and Eld. Mike had started telling
tales about their trainee days. Normally, Erwin wasn’t fond of discussing his youth. He had been a
lot more headstrong then, idealistic to a fault, with a temper for anyone who questioned him. There
was also the matter of their heavy drinking habits; it had been peacetime, after all, and so the
military had been much more lax with its trainees back then. Tonight, however, Mike was painting
it all in a rather flattering light, so Erwin didn’t mind Levi listening.

Besides, their hands were still joined under the table, their shared little secret, and he didn’t have
the heart to break the contact.

“—so we’ve still got five stations left to complete, and Lars loses it. He tells Erwin he’s not going
to follow the plan, and we’re all going to fail the exercise, and he calls him a shitty leader,” Mike
said. “Erwin’s face goes purple. Not just red, purple. We all step back, expecting him to clock the
guy. Instead, he snaps out a fist and stuns him. One jab to the head, boom, Lars is down before
anyone knows what happened. Erwin drapes him over his shoulders and takes him with us. He did
the rest of the course with Lars unconscious on his back. Told Instructor Marta some bullshit about
an accident at the third station, and we passed with flying colours. We even got bonus points for
rescuing a wounded teammate.” He shook his head. “That was when I learned how far Erwin
Smith will go to reach his goals, and I decided right then I would follow him anywhere.”

Levi turned to him, raising a brow. “You going to knock me unconscious if I question your
decisions, Erwin?”

“Since then, I’ve learned there are more subtle ways to convince people to one’s side,” he replied
dryly.

Eld stood and stretched. “Well, it’s getting late, and last night was a long night for all of us. I’m
turning in.”

“Yeah, me too.” Mike stood as well.

They exchanged their goodnights, then it was just Erwin and Levi, sitting suspiciously close to
each other on the bench, their hands still joined.

“You must be exhausted,” Erwin said quietly.

Levi shrugged, but when he spoke, his voice was softer than usual: “Yeah, but I’m still feeling a bit
screwed up from last night. Not sure I should be alone right now.”

Finally releasing his hand, Erwin slowly rose to his feet, his knees creaking. “I could come check
on you.” It was strange to have his hand to himself again. He curled his fingers around the cold,
hand-shaped echo of Levi’s grip, already missing it.

“Okay. Give me about fifteen minutes.”

For a moment, they were silent. As Levi stood, he lifted his abandoned hand and stared at it, as if
he didn’t believe his own memory.

“Levi.” Erwin leaned in close. He kept his eyes on the few soldiers still lingering at their tables,
watching them to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. “I know what I want, but I also know I
have wounds that need to heal. A relationship with me would progress slowly. It would take great
patience.”

When he pulled away again, Levi’s face had a gentleness to it he had never seen before. “It’s
okay.”

“It’s been a very long time … ” he said, not quite sure how to admit that Henrik had been his last
male partner. Gender shouldn’t matter to him—it had never mattered before Henrik—but since his
death, Erwin had only had two partners, both of them women, and that wasn’t by accident.

Stopping to consider his romantic life made him realize how lonely he was. His last encounter had
been two years ago, before Levi had even been in the picture. If he was honest, he hadn’t been
interested in pursuing anyone else since Levi had first caught his attention, sobbing in his arms. Or
had it started before that?

“Erwin,” Levi said, reaching up to grip his arm. “It’s okay. You lead, and I’ll follow you.
Anywhere.”

The last word was delivered so earnestly that shivers ran down Erwin’s spine. “Then I’ll come by
in fifteen minutes and we can talk about this more.” With a little nod, he turned, intending to return
to his room to change.

His path brought him past the office, and he slowed, realizing there was one more thing he needed
to do first.

I need to let go.

He shut the door behind him and lit the lamp, then picked up Henrik’s frame. He held it to his
chest. His eyes closed as he tried to visualize Henrik standing in front of him for one last farewell.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t picture Henrik. He could see bits and pieces with perfect
detail, but when he tried to put them together, the pieces swam in and out of focus, never binding
together. Panicking, he realized that he couldn’t quite remember Henrik’s voice, or even the
boisterous laugh that had first drawn his attention. Five years was a long time, especially with so
much else on his mind.

His eyelids parted.

The memory has decayed, and I’m desperately holding on to the husk left behind. I was so intent on
grieving that I let the natural grieving process slip by me. How can he be at peace if I won’t let him
fade away? Is he still a man to me, or have I reduced him to a concept, an excuse to feel sad?

Erwin took a deep, shaky breath, then opened the bottom drawer of his desk and set the frame
inside it. The drawer closed. He felt a small wave of peace—not closure yet, but it was a start.

Once he got back to his room, he pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and an old cotton shirt, then
brushed his teeth and combed his hair. By the time he was ready, his hands were shaking, the
enormity of what he was about to do finally dawning on him.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he left the room and marched three doors down the hall to
Levi’s new room.

He knocked.

The door opened, and Levi stared up at him, wearing loose-fitting pyjama pants. The only pair of
pyjamas he owns , thought Erwin, remembering that paltry box of possessions. The dim lamplight
cast the muscles and grooves of Levi’s torso into strong contrast: lean muscle, very little body fat.
A perfect weapon of a man.

The door had barely closed behind them when Erwin caught Levi’s shoulders and pulled him in,
arms wrapping around him in a hug. Once again, he marvelled at how small Levi was—he only
came up to chest height, and his shoulders and hips were narrow.

After a moment, Levi’s arms wrapped around him, so tightly that it was hard to breathe. Erwin
hadn’t expected him to be too interested in hugs. Really, it was difficult to picture Levi enjoying
any form of intimacy; he was so particular and easily disgusted that it seemed like the baser aspects
of being human would be too messy or irritating for him.

Their bodies were flush, and the close contact was starting to arouse Erwin. He wondered if he
should pull away before it became noticeable. All his previous romances had happened rather
explosively, and he wasn’t certain about the proper etiquette for one that was supposed to move at
a slow pace, even when he was the one who had requested it.

“It’s a good thing you had that bath,” Levi said. “I would have had a noseful of smelly, shitty
armpit right now.”

“I suppose it is,” Erwin said, amused by his crassness. Closing his eyes, he bowed down to bury
his nose into the top of the dark hair, breathing in. Smelling his own soap there felt wrong; he
would have to replace the lemon soap soon.

“You … feel good,” Levi said, sounding a bit awkward.

“So do you. I’ve wanted to hold you like this ever since I found out you were missing. I didn’t
think I’d have the chance.”

There was a long pause.

“You’d better not be screwing with my head again.” Levi’s arms tightened. “If you start spewing
some crap about how we can’t be together—”

Erwin gently gripped his chin and tilted it until their eyes met. “I made you a promise, Levi.” His
thumb ran across the narrow bottom lip. “I wasn’t going to act until I was sure.”

Slowly, carefully, he leaned down. Their lips grazed once, twice, then he pressed in closer. This
time, their lips parted, but he kept the kiss shallow, softly inhaling the taste of Levi’s breath. Levi
gave something close to a growl, and his hands curled into Erwin’s collar, fighting to pull him
closer, but Erwin wasn’t ready to relinquish control just yet. Their tongues barely grazed, then he
gradually, slowly began deepening the kiss.

His plan was to orchestrate every move, to keep the pace slow and controlled, but their tongues
brushed again, and it felt so good that he began to lose himself. Their bodies pressed together, jaws
widening, and Erwin’s tongue slid deep into Levi’s mouth. He felt Levi’s hands run down his back
to his ass, where they massaged the muscle, urging him in closer. Hiding his arousal was
impossible now, and it no longer seemed like a priority, anyway, so Erwin mirrored the motion,
pulling Levi flat against him. The urge to grind was getting overwhelming, and he wasn’t sure he
could fight it much longer. He was the one who had asked them to take it slowly, after all, but he
couldn’t remember why.

He finally broke the kiss and pulled away, panting for air. Levi’s eyes were heavily lidded, his lips
parted.

“Was that a better kiss than before, or still shitty?” Erwin asked.

“Fuck.” Levi tugged on his neck, drawing him down again.

This kiss was deep from the beginning, and this time, Erwin couldn’t hold back. He tilted his hips
forward and back, just once, and warmth flooded his groin. He heard a catching breath, felt hands
tighten into his ass.

Then Levi walked him backwards to the bed and shoved him onto the mattress, crawling over top
of him, their lips sloppily finding each other again. Erwin’s palms slid up and down that bare,
muscled back. They were both grinding now, and this was probably advancing far faster than it
should, but he didn’t care, he just needed to feel that hard evidence that he was wanted, needed to
feel it rubbing against his own.

Levi broke the kiss and began to lick down his chin, then throat, then across his neck. It felt so
good, so good, it was almost too much. Overcome, Erwin suddenly rolled, pinning the small man
beneath him, burying his face into the slender neck, paying him back with the same intensity. He
found one particularly sensitive spot about an inch below the left jaw, and he buried himself into it,
letting the damp skin slide between his teeth. Levi’s gasps started as curses, then devolved into
incoherent noises, growing loud enough that Erwin finally pulled away. There were empty rooms
on either side of them, but they shouldn’t take any chances.

They took a moment to steady themselves, both panting hard. Erwin pulled off his shirt and swiftly
folded it into quarters, tossing it onto the desk beside them.

“Fuck.” Levi’s palm slid up his stomach and chest. “Fuck, look at you.” His lips were swollen, his
dark hair was mussed, and his face, normally so emotionless, was twisted into an expression
somewhere between helplessness and pain.

Erwin leaned down to kiss his forehead. A faint layer of sweat was building on the pale skin,
leaving his lips salty. “You all right?”

“Shit,” Levi breathed.

“I want to get you off.”

“Shit.” Levi’s eyes closed. “Okay, I … Shit.”

Erwin went for an ear this time, his tongue tracing its grooves. His body rolled to one side as he
began to run his palm down Levi’s chest, his stomach. He slid over the top of the pants, feeling the
rigid shape beneath, and Levi threw his head back with a gasp.

He’s sensitive. He had always pictured Levi being wild in bed, but not in such a vulnerable and
expressive way. Does he surrender this completely to everyone, or just to me? Admiration swelled
within him as he found Levi’s lips again. His fingers gently tugged at the fabric, and Levi gave a
low groan into his mouth.

No longer patient enough to have the cloth barrier between them, Erwin slipped his hand under the
waistband.
Skin met skin, and Levi gasped and tugged the waistband down his hips, out of the way. For a
moment, Erwin lost composure, his eyes fluttering shut. He had forgotten how intimate this contact
felt, how well it allowed him to read his partner.

“Wait.” Levi reached out to stay his wrist. “I want to jerk you off at the same time.”

Erwin froze. Why was it that the thought of touching Levi was comfortable, but the other way
around felt too fast? Was it that he was too afraid to lose himself in front of anyone? Perhaps his
grief was manifesting as control issues. He scoured his emotions, trying to make sense of them.

“Levi … ” He trailed off, not sure what to say.

“Too much, too soon, huh?”

Frustration washed over him. “It doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand my own logic. I don’t
understand these arbitrary borders I’m using to divide up intimacy.”

Levi studied him for a moment, then said quietly, “Look, Erwin, whatever you’re feeling is what’s
right, okay? It doesn’t have to make sense.”

“It’s not fair to you if I’m putting inconsistent timelines on things.”

“It’s okay.” Levi reached up to grip his shoulder. “Don’t overthink this. I’ll speak up if I feel
anything’s unfair.”

Taking a slow breath, Erwin let the words sink in. “Thank you for your generous understanding.”

“Don’t be so formal. You’re grabbing my dick, not giving a speech to the brass.” Levi pulled him
down for another kiss. Already, his mouth was feeling familiar: narrow lips and tongue, small teeth
with a couple gaps near the back. A groan rumbled between them.

Erwin’s hand began to move, setting into a gentle rhythm, and soon Levi fell back to the pillow. He
was wearing that pained expression again, his hands clawing into the blanket. “I’m not going to
last.”

“Good.” Erwin kissed across to his ear, increasing the cadence of his hand. “Let yourself go. I want
you to come for me, Levi.”

“Holy shit.”

He felt as if he were rising with him. “Come on, Levi: come for me.”

“Fuck!” Levi arched, and Erwin pulled away to watch his face, contorted and strained and
beautiful.

Then, slowly, Levi sank back to the bed, breathing hard, his face perfectly relaxed. Erwin stretched
out beside him, delivering slow kisses to his jaw.

“Fuck,” Levi said with a puff of air, as if he had been holding his breath. His eyes opened, and he
propped himself onto an elbow. “Think you could grab me a handkerchief? Not sure where your
moving crew put them.”

Erwin looked down. He had tried to catch everything in his free hand, but some of it had spilled
onto Levi’s stomach. It would have been tidier if he had just used his mouth. His groin throbbed at
the idea.
He retrieved a handkerchief for each of them from the top dresser drawer. They were silent as they
cleaned themselves; he tried not to be offended by the disgusted expression on Levi’s face. He had
expected it, to some degree.

Clearing his throat, he stood, not sure how this exchange should end. “You probably need your
rest.”

Levi’s eyes were fixed between his legs. “You sure you don’t want to get off? What if you jerked
yourself off while I made out with you?”

Erwin’s knees weakened, and he was surprised by how badly he wanted that. “I suppose that could
be a good intermediary step.”

“Stop being so formal. Don’t you ever forget your manners?”

Suddenly bashful, Erwin’s cheeks glowed. He wasn’t accustomed to anyone speaking to him so
bluntly, at least not in this context.

They shifted to lie side by side on the bed, studying each other. This was surreal, Levi’s eyes
locked onto him, their hands slowly trailing across each other’s arms. Even his own shyness was
foreign. Maybe I was mortally wounded out in that field with Anke, and everything since has been a
dying man’s dream.

Dream or not, he wanted it to continue. Trying to push past his shyness, he slipped his hand into his
pants.

Levi watched him for a moment, as if sizing him up, then leaned forward to kiss his ear. Erwin felt
his breath escape in a rush. He’s a natural hunter, instinctively identifying his prey’s weak spot.
His muscles tensed.

“You like that?” Levi traced the shape of his ear with his tongue.

Realizing he was holding his breath, Erwin sharply exhaled, but then a hand began to caress his
chest, and he gasped.

Levi sat up, eyes trailing down his body. “Look at you. Look how fucking hot you are. But still so
quiet and polite.” He bent in again, kissing across his neck to his throat, then down. Erwin closed
his eyes, his fist moving faster as he felt Levi’s hands massage his chest and shoulders.

One particular spot felt so good that a short cry slipped from his lips, and the hands paused.

“I see.”

Then he felt damp warmth on a nipple, and for a split second, he was bewildered, but then heat
flooded his body. His mind went white. He couldn’t tell if he was saying the words aloud, or just
thinking them: oh fuck, Levi, that feels so good, oh fuck, oh fuck …

“ That’s more like it,” Levi said, his voice so low that it was almost a growl.

Erwin felt himself cresting, but he wasn’t ready to end this yet. He subtly slowed his pace, fighting
to hang on.

Then he realized that Levi’s finger was tracing his bottom lip. Frenzied, he pulled it into his mouth.
He heard Levi take in a sharp breath.
“Erwin—”

“Don’t stop,” he pleaded, his voice lisping around the finger.

Levi returned to licking his nipple, and Erwin pulled the finger deep into his throat, suckling it,
wrapping his tongue around it. Levi gave a soft moan. The sound, combined with the stimulation
on his tongue and his chest and between his legs, was too much to handle, and he was rising, he
couldn’t fight it anymore. The finger fell from his mouth.

“Levi,” he warned. “Oh fuck … ”

He went under so hard that his back lifted off the bed, every muscle shuddering.

Slowly, he came back to himself.

He opened his eyes to see Levi hovering over him. Levi’s expression couldn’t quite be called a
smirk, but one corner of his lips had lifted, just slightly. He reached down to smooth the hair off
Erwin’s forehead.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say ‘fuck’ before today, then you drop it about thirty times in
the space of a minute.” There was a twinkle in his eyes, as if he were proud.

Erwin pulled him in for a soft kiss. He was surprised by how natural this felt, basking in the
afterglow with Levi at his side.

“Here.” Levi handed him a clean handkerchief. “Erwin … ” The not-quite-a-smirk faded from his
lips.

“Something on your mind, Levi?” he asked, mopping up.

“Would you … stay?”

“Stay?”

“Here. Tonight. With me.” Levi’s cheeks darkened, and he shrugged, looking away. “If you want.”

In this post-orgasm haze, Erwin felt like he would agree to anything Levi asked of him, but he tried
to think about it logically. “You don’t think it might be suspicious if I came out of your room in the
morning?”

“It wouldn’t be hard to sneak you out without anyone seeing. But it’s just an idea.” He shrugged
again, the display of uncaring so exaggerated that Erwin understood how much it really meant to
him.

“You’ve convinced me. I’ll stay.” He stole another kiss, then stood, pulling on his shirt. “I should
probably go wash my hands first. I’ll be back in a minute or two.” He normally wouldn’t bother
washing up until morning, but he felt the need to be cleaner than usual for the sake of his fastidious
partner.

When he reached the men’s bath, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror: flushed cheeks,
mussed hair, and an enormous grin.

“Subtle,” he told his reflection, but the grin wouldn’t go away; instead, his blush deepened. He
quickly washed his hands and face, then took a minute to rinse off his stomach while he was at it.

When he returned to the room, Levi was already in bed; he shifted over, leaving room. Erwin
slipped under the covers. They laid on their backs, side-by-side.

“What the hell just happened?” Levi asked, and Erwin gave a soft chuckle.

“I agree. This is surreal.”

“You still okay with this?” The words were laced with insecurity.

The urge to smile finally faded from Erwin’s lips. He rolled onto his side so they could look each
other in the eye. “Levi, it won’t be easy to be with me. There will be a lot I won’t be able to tell
you, and plans that must take priority over either of us. If our work ever comes into direct conflict
with our personal relationship, the work will always win. Always. The titans must come first.”

“I know that.”

“I need to know one thing before we proceed.” Erwin searched his eyes. “Does this change
anything? Are you going to be able to die if I order you to, or let me die if it’s necessary?”

Levi gave an irritated huff. “This is the worst pillow talk I’ve ever heard.”

“This is important, Levi. I need your answer.”

“Fine. But before I answer, I have a question for you: can you still order me to die?”

Erwin hesitated. He didn’t want to consider giving the order, but one day, he might have to. “I
would be reluctant, but my personal feelings won’t cloud my judgement. At the end of the day, we
all must serve humanity above our own interests. Yes, I could order you to die, Levi, but I want
you to understand: your death would haunt me more than any I have ever caused.” Even though he
said the words for Levi, there was no one who could possibly understand their true impact. No one
knew just how deeply ghosts of the past had shaped him, how they had forged his life’s work. The
words were the greatest compliment Erwin could give.

Maybe Levi didn’t know the specifics, but he seemed to register the importance of it: his eyes
widened a little, then settled again. “Yes, I’ll go to my death for you.”

“Even if things go badly between us? Even if I break your heart?”

“Fucking hell, Erwin.” Levi huddled into the blanket. “Yes, of course. Now would you shut up?
This is a shitty way to cap off the evening.”

“I’m sorry to be so dour,” Erwin said, touched by his loyalty. “I had to be sure.”

“Next time you’re going to talk about breaking my heart or asking me to die, can you at least wait
until … ” Levi paused. “Never.”

“It won’t come up again.” It began to dawn on him that he had potentially ruined the night with his
poor timing. “I’m sorry, Levi. If you want me to leave—”

“It’s fine.” Levi rolled onto his side, turning his back. Erwin spooned up behind him, wrapping an
arm around him, his hand flat against the centre of the muscular chest. He could feel his racing
heartbeat in his palm. So strong, so lively. I came so close to losing this forever. His throat
tightened.

“Can I ask one more thing of you, Levi?”

A sigh. “What?”
His voice cracked: “Make sure this heart keeps beating.”

There was a pause, then a hand covered his, their fingers intertwining.
 Morning After
Chapter Notes

Thank you for reading, and a huge thank you to those who have taken the time to
review or tell other people to read this fic. Your comments & readership are gobbled
like candy! :) <3

This chapter has a couple vague references to "A Choice With No Regrets," but no real
spoilers aside from one character's name.

-7-

Morning After

Lips pressed against Levi’s forehead. He stirred and tried to speak, but he was so exhausted that his
voice came out in a groan instead.

“Go back to sleep. You need your rest,” Erwin’s voice murmured, and then a knuckle grazed his
cheek.

As Levi drifted back to sleep, he heard the door click.

“Erwin?” Levi sat upright. The room was empty. He swore he had only closed his eyes for an
instant longer, but the pillow beside him was cold.

At first, he thought he had dreamed the whole encounter, but then he saw the used handkerchiefs
on the floor. He wrinkled his nose as he dropped them in the laundry basket, but he was glad they
were there. As unhygienic as they were, at least they were real.

It was still dark outside, but through the window, he could see a crack of light on the horizon. Even
exhausted, he had still managed to awaken before reveille.

He gathered his toiletries and headed into the hallway. As he passed Erwin’s room, he wondered if
Erwin would have any regrets. The gentle kiss to the forehead—if that hadn’t been a
dream—suggested no regret, but he was still insecure. It wasn’t that he doubted Erwin’s interest.
Uninterested men didn’t hold a hand in secret for more than an hour, or watch an orgasm with
parted lips and pinched brows, as if drinking in their pleasure. Erwin was interested, no question.

What he doubted was the longevity of that interest. Ever since the turning point of their
relationship, when they had left their rocky beginnings behind and Levi’s admiration had begun to
grow, he had built Erwin into someone completely unattainable, someone who could have any
person he chose. Aside from his unparalleled brilliance, he was tall, classically handsome, and
excelled at everything he did. Why would he choose a perpetually sour, uneducated, scrawny rat of
a man? Once the initial rush of hormones died down, Erwin was sure to see right through him.
Or maybe Levi’s mind was just playing tricks on him. It wouldn’t be the first time he had started to
overthink everything at the start of a new relationship. It was a defense mechanism cultivated after
years of heartbreak: everyone always left him or died, in the end.

He slipped into the icy bath. The scent of Erwin’s soap made his mind begin to retrace the events
of the night before. The memories had disproportionate power over him. It had just been a hand
job, the most innocent form of sex he could imagine, but the intensity of it made it the most
memorable sexual encounter he’d had in years. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes,
thinking about Erwin’s hand: its size and strength, the knotted knuckles, the deep-set fingernails. It
looked and felt so good no matter what it was touching.

His eyes opened. Was thinking about a hand enough to turn him on now? Pathetic.

The dizzying rise and fall of his mood was wearing on his nerves. By the time reveille sounded, his
stomach had twisted into knots. He retrieved a clean uniform from his closet and pulled it on, then
carefully tied his cravat. If he left now, he could reach the mess hall before any of his comrades,
and drink warm tea until his stomach settled.

He stepped into the hallway.

“Levi.”

His heart skipped a beat. Turning, he saw Erwin standing in the hall, a towel slung over his
shoulder, apparently on the way to the baths. His face was as inscrutable as always, his stance
rigid. Levi’s eyes drifted down the furry chest. Now I’m never going to be able to see him topless
without remembering how sensitive those nipples are.

“ Good Morning,” Erwin said. “I know you’ll probably need a few days to recover from your
concussion, but we still need to do a proper debrief while the incidents are fresh in our minds.
Bring Squad Leader Hange by my office after breakfast.”

“Sure.” Levi hesitated, thrown off by his formality. “We’re okay, right?”

Erwin paused to glance up and down the hall, then stepped in closer, his stance relaxing. “I’d say
better than okay. Wouldn’t you?” Was that a flicker of insecurity in that placid blue gaze? Maybe
Levi wasn’t the only one overthinking things.

“Of course. This is all just a bit weird.”

“That’s to be expected while we readjust our perceptions of each other. It will take time.” Erwin
reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, the gesture forced and awkward, but not unwelcome. “I
have some business to discuss with you, and it’s looking like it’ll be a beautiful day outside. After
our debrief, why don’t we take our lunches outside and find somewhere private to talk?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Erwin’s face returned to neutral as other soldiers appeared at the end of the hall, and he retracted
his hand. “That will be all for now, Levi. Dismissed.”

With a frown, Levi moved past him. Even though it was just for show, he didn’t like being
dismissed. I’m not your damned dog.

In spite of his annoyance, even that small conversation was enough to leave its mark. His cheeks
were still burning when he arrived at the mess hall, and he was glad that neither Hange nor Mike
was around to notice.
This was the exact opposite of how his previous relationships had started. Usually, there was one
really good drunken fuck, then a few more casual fucks, then an awkward are-we-dating phase,
and then he ended up in love without realizing it had crept up on him. He had never thought
himself the type to blush after a simple conversation.

Lost in thought, he stayed at the table sipping tea long after his food was finished. Slowly, other
soldiers began to trickle in, but there was no sign of Hange. Growing impatient, he stood.

The office that had been assigned to Hange was still empty, so he tried the bunks instead. A soldier
with short blond hair answered the door, and he struggled with the name for a moment—he was
pretty sure it was Nanaba, but they had never really interacted.

“I’m looking for Hange,” he said, avoiding the name entirely.

“Is that Levi?” came a gravelly voice from inside the room. He heard a book slam, then Hange
appeared at the door, hair mussed and eyes sunken. “Morning.”

He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his chest. “You look like ass.”

“I’ve been up all night writing out my findings.”

“All night? Really? Aren’t you exhausted?”

“No, too busy.”

“Well, you just got even busier. Erwin wants us to come by his office for debriefing.”

“Oh, good. I wanted to talk to him anyway. Let’s go.” Hange stumbled past him, bumping into the
door so hard that Levi winced.

“You need to sleep,” he said. “You can’t even walk straight.”

“I can sleep later.”

Levi glanced at Nanaba, who was staring after Hange with a worried expression. “You’re scaring
your roommates.”

“Bah, they’re used to me by now. Hurry up!”

With a low sigh, he hurried to catch up.

When they arrived at Erwin’s office, they found him seated at his desk, working his way through a
stack of paperwork. He looked up as they entered and gave them a polite smile. “Please be seated.”

As Levi sat, his gaze drifted across the surface of the desk. It was cluttered: papers, a few ink
bottles, files, even a dismantled flare gun. This office gets messier every time I see it.

His gaze moved to the shelf on the window, and he froze.

The one chaotic frame, Henrik’s drawing, was gone.

He felt as if he were sinking into himself, spiralling into his core. Had Erwin taken it down
already, after just one hand job? His stomach twisted. I thought we were supposed to be taking this
slowly. Did Erwin see him as Henrik’s replacement?

“Levi? Are you okay?”

He snapped his focus away from the shelf. “Fine.”

“You look a little pale,” Hange said, peering uncomfortably closely. “More than usual.”

“So what? You do, too. Can we get this over with?” He folded his arms over his chest, slumping in
his chair. He could feel them watching him, and it was making him claustrophobic.

After a moment, Erwin held out a flare gun. “Hange, last night you mentioned something about
altering the flare guns to eject their canisters. Can you show me what you did?”

“Oh, that’s easy. You see this spring here?” Hange leaned forward to poke the gun.

Levi’s head dropped back against the chair, and he let out a long, quiet sigh. He wasn’t sure what
he was going to be able to contribute to the discussion; he couldn’t remember anything from the
blast, and even the details of what had happened on the tree branch were a bit hazy. Besides, now
his mind was humming with thoughts of that missing frame, even though he tried to block them.
He was sick of introspection, and sick of guessing where he stood.

Erwin asked several questions, making notes in a file. Trying to preoccupy himself, Levi eyed the
pen as it glided across the paper in loops of graceful handwriting. Several of the words were
indecipherable. He could read printed words just fine, but sometimes struggled with the flowing
script that educated men like Erwin used.

“Hey Erwin, why are you writing all this down?” he asked, interrupting Hange.

“Any parts of a mission that deviate from the plan must be noted,” Erwin replied without looking
up. “Any time soldiers are separated from the main body, the question of desertion or even treason
must be addressed.”

“Treason?” Hange repeated, voice faint.

“Don’t worry. I’m documenting the event in enough detail to ensure treason will never be a
consideration.” Erwin dotted the paper, then looked up at them. “As you two get familiar with the
higher ranks of the military, you’ll come to realize that a good deal about Survey Corps leadership
is making sure the Interior is comfortable with us. Every time we come back with fewer troops,
they begin to question us.”

“We didn’t need to lose that many people this time,” Hange blurted.

Levi’s eyes snapped to the Squad Leader. Are you really going to do this now?

Erwin set down the pen and lifted his chin. “Something on your mind, Hange?”

“The perimeter was spread too thinly, and there weren’t enough scouts on high ground. If we had
settled in the forest first and then sent a team down to ground level to retrieve the silo supplies, we
could have minimized the loss of life—” The confidence faded from Hange’s voice as Erwin’s face
hardened.

“These things are always more apparent in retrospect,” he said quietly. “We will learn from this
and—”

“But I knew we weren’t positioned well before the attack happened.” Hange turned to Levi.
“Remember?”

He shrugged, the memory a bit fuzzy. “I told you to take it up with Erwin.”
There was a long pause.

Erwin folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Hange, I’m sorry if I led you to believe
that you didn’t have the right to question me. I am just one man, and my strategies are subject to
human error. If you ever find yourself questioning any of my decisions, it’s your duty to notify me
immediately. We may have a hierarchy, but every member of our team has a responsibility to
minimize casualties. Ignoring your doubts could mean endangering your comrades, and that is
something you must never, ever, do. That goes for you too, Levi. Ultimately, the weakness in our
strategy was my mistake, and I take full responsibility, but one or both of you should have raised
your concerns. Understood?”

Levi sank deeper into his chair. Beside him, Hange’s head was bowed.

After a pause, Erwin lifted his pen again. “Let’s continue. Please explain to me in detail how you
took out that last group of titans.”

As Hange tentatively began to speak, Levi’s eyes drifted back to the shelf, to that missing gap
where the frame had once stood. Was it realistic to try to build a relationship that was equal in
private, but imbalanced in public? Or was Erwin just desperate to fill the space Henrik had left
behind?

He clenched his teeth, doubts crowding his mind.

It took more than an hour, but at last, Erwin was satisfied that his report was complete. Just in time,
too: Levi looked bored out of his mind, and even Hange was getting antsy. Erwin felt a pang of
sympathy. It couldn’t be easy to relive such a difficult night in great detail.

Now it was his turn to debrief them. Keeping his update short, he gave them a few details about
Anke’s death, then updated them on the other casualties.

“I’ll be heading to the Capital in four days for my induction ceremony,” he continued. “Once the
paperwork is finalized and I’ve formally been promoted, I’ll be meeting with you and the other
Squad Leaders to talk about how we’re going to structure ourselves, and what our next goals will
entail. Given that we’ve had a change in leadership and a great deal of personnel loss over the past
several expeditions, we’ll be rebuilding the squads from the ground up. Give some thought to what
type of squad will fit your leadership style best, and which soldiers will help you achieve our goals.

“That covers everything I wanted to tell you. Does either of you have any questions for me?”

“Actually, sir, I’d like to talk to you alone for a few minutes,” Hange said.

“Of course.” He nodded at Levi and said to him, “You’re free to leave. I’ll see you at lunchtime for
our meeting; please close the door behind you.”

Levi stood and left the room without so much as a word or a glance back. Erwin’s brow furrowed.
Did I say something to upset him?

As much as he wanted to chase after him and make sure everything was okay, that discussion
would have to wait. He turned his attention back to Hange, who was leaning forward in the chair,
legs bouncing.

“Now then,” he said. “What did you want to speak to me about?”

“Research. I’ve been writing down my observations from the past couple expeditions, and it’s all
pointing at one fact: we know absolutely nothing about the titans. For example, the ones we met
during the last expedition were sluggish. Was it the cold? Were they abnormals? I have some
theories, but for now, they’re all baseless conjectures.”

This level of interest was exactly why Levi had suggested they promote Hange in the first place,
and Erwin leaned back in his chair, intrigued. “What do you propose?”

“Research expeditions. Small teams. I’d like some time to study titans in the wild. Maybe we could
even capture one and study it in detail. Oh, and weapons—we need to develop better weapons and
research tools. The current—”

Erwin held up a hand, recognizing the growing light of obsession in the bespectacled eyes. “Your
goals are lofty, and your imagination is admirable, but the timing isn’t right to launch large-scale
research operations, so let’s take small steps. I’ll allow you to stay on the sidelines and make
observations during our next few expeditions. We’ll make sure your Team Leaders support—”

“No.”

He blinked. “Pardon?”

“Observations aren’t good enough.” Hange looked up, brows low. “The time for large-scale
research operations is now. You’re a man of reason, Erwin, so you must see that until we
understand what we’re fighting, we’re just throwing away lives. If we figure out what the titans
are, we can build better weapons, attack them more efficiently. Lives could be saved.”

Erwin could indeed see it, and moreover, he was motivated to learn more about the titans, perhaps
more than anyone else in the Corps; it was the reason he had joined up in the first place.

Even so, he knew they had to time their research carefully. For one thing, Shadis’ warning about
the Survey Corps’ shaky future made him suspect that throwing resources onto a new project
would only give the Interior more reasons to shut them down. Furthermore, he had deep suspicions
that uncovering the nature of the titans would cause a whole host of new problems, and they
weren’t ready to handle those problems. Not yet.

“The timing isn’t right.”

Hange’s eyes flashed. “People are dying. If we drag our feet—”

“The timing isn’t right,” he said again. “We’ll revisit this in one year’s time.”

“A year!”

He closed his report and opened a drawer to file it away, but he heard a slam. When he looked up,
Hange was leaning forward on the desk, palms planted on its surface.

“Erwin, I didn’t come here to watch people die while I sit on the sidelines.” The brown eyes
narrowed. “I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice. I demand a dedicated research
team and permission to perform research expeditions. I also demand resources to begin prototyping
and testing new weapons.”

He raised his brows, more confused than intimidated. “And if I refuse to meet your demands?”

“I go to your superiors with some unsavoury information about you.”

“You’re going to blackmail me?” He struggled to keep a smirk off his face; instead, he leaned back
in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. “What information do you have?”

“I know about you and Levi.”

“What about us, exactly?” he asked without missing a beat, even though his chest tightened.

“I know the real reason you were going to mount a rescue operation, and it wasn’t for me.” Hange
leaned closer. “I know about the affair.”

“Affair,” he repeated. So that’s what we’re calling it. “Do I strike you as someone who would risk
his career for an affair?”

“Not intentionally, but people can’t think straight when sex is involved. Relationships between
superiors and their subordinates are heavily frowned upon, are they not? You will meet my
demands, or I will begin to spread my information.”

Hange’s bravery and resolve were so admirable that Erwin almost regretted what he was about to
do, but he couldn’t leave this end loose.

“Say you were correct,” he said. “Say I foolishly succumbed to my lust and put my career in
jeopardy. What proof do you have?”

“I saw you on the rooftop, the night before the expedition.”

“You saw? Your word against mine? A newly-promoted Squad Leader with noted discipline issues
speaking out against a Commander with more than a decade of good service – whose word do you
think holds more weight?”

Hange’s eyes widened just a little, a flicker of awareness that he had plucked a loose thread and
was about to unravel the entire plan. Erwin tilted his jaw to look down his nose.

“Well?” he asked, secretly hoping that there was more to the threat. He enjoyed a challenge.

“Levi admitted there was something between you,” Hange said, sounding less confident.

That surprised him, but he kept his face neutral. “If Levi was a willing participant in an affair, do
you think he would be willing to testify against his supposed lover?”

Hange’s mouth flattened into a straight line. “Oh.”

“Whatever strange air there was between Levi and me has been resolved and is no longer in play,
so your threats hold no sway over me. What’s more … ” He gave a polite smile, letting a hint of a
threat shine through. “Blackmail only works if your information outweighs your opponent’s. If
they have information to use against you, they might turn the tables on you, and your attempt to
control them might end up indebting you to them instead.”

Hange’s head tilted, eyes narrow, as if trying to size him up. “Are you saying you have information
about me?”

“The official military background checks are too lax for my tastes. I always dig deeper when
someone is about to be promoted. Much deeper.” He leaned forward, his voice low. “I know you
were born Zoë Kerr, the illegitimate child of high-ranking weapons scientist Hange Lise and a
soldier by the name of Calvin Kerr. Your father died in combat before you were born, and your
mother was too heartbroken to raise you, so you were adopted by your paternal grandmother. The
two of you lived in abject poverty in a small village inside Wall Rose, subsisting on the small
stipends your estranged mother infrequently sent your way. In spite of the distance between you,
you idolized her and patterned your life after her, going so far as to lift her name and, when
university wasn’t a possibility, her academic credentials. Your attempts to follow in her footsteps
by working in research were cut short when your negligence caused a tragic accident—”

“Stop,” Hange said, voice tight. “Please, stop.”

He waited. Slowly, Hange sank back to the chair, head slumped.

“Your personal history will stay with me and me alone,” Erwin said quietly. “Everyone has their
secrets, but I need you to understand: if you plan to reveal my secrets—if you even pretend to
reveal my secrets and spread falsehoods instead—I will not hesitate to reveal yours. Fair is fair,
right?”

In response, Hange gave him an uneasy smile. “Mike warned me you were ruthless.”

He returned the smile. “I had a feeling you were, too. For what it’s worth, I admire your nerve.
Threatening your Commander during your first week as Squad Leader … ” He shook his head.
“That’s commitment to your cause. I can already tell you’re going to help push the Survey Corps to
new heights.”

Standing, he straightened the papers on his desk. “You’re correct that we need to pursue research:
the sooner, the better. Unfortunately, we are bound to a delicate balancing act: if we push too hard
or do anything too radical, we could lose our right to leave the walls entirely, particularly now that
our leadership is in flux. The Interior is easily spooked. We have to give them time to grow
accustomed to us.”

Hange frowned. “So we just let people die in the meantime?”

“Any deaths that result from playing their game are on their heads, not ours.” He clasped his hands
behind his back, ready to close off the conversation. “Start preparing for the future now: as you
plan to build your squad, choose soldiers who can eventually move into research roles. You might
want to identify a candidate as a research assistant and start training them, too. As for weapons
research, we might be able to arrange a room for you to do so on your own time, but you must
provide the funds and source the resources yourself. We’ll revisit this in one year’s time.
Understood?”

Hange still looked uneasy, but only said, “Sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

As Hange left the room, Erwin sat back in his chair, smiling to himself. In some ways, Hange
reminded him of himself as a Squad Leader.

Though the prospect of paperwork was dull in comparison to matching wits with Hange, there was
still a mountain of it to get through, so he returned to work. It seemed that for every paper he filled
out, two more resurfaced. He was going to have to figure out how to streamline the bureaucratic
aspects of being Commander; otherwise, he wasn’t going to have any time to strategize. Perhaps
the restructure should include a Commander’s assistant.

He was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t realize it was lunchtime until a knock sounded at
the door. “Come in.”

Levi entered, holding two bagged lunches and a thermos of tea. He dropped a bag on the desk.
“Here.”

“Thanks.” Erwin rose. “Are you still interested in eating outside? I have a spot in mind.”

“Sure, whatever.” Levi’s gaze drifted to the window.

“Levi, are you okay?”

A shrug. “Yeah, fine.”

It’s going to be like pulling teeth to get him to talk. Erwin frowned and grabbed his lunch. “Follow
me.”

He led them down the hallway and took a sharp right, toward the maintenance store rooms. This
hallway didn’t get much traffic, and when it did, it was usually with muddy equipment and booted
feet. He glanced back and saw Levi looking around, nose wrinkled. “Filthy.”

“You’re welcome to organize a cleaning crew, if you like. Might be a good way to teach the new
recruits some discipline.” Erwin turned down a dark hallway and approached an old wooden door.
A latch held it closed, the padlock rusted.

“I thought we were going to eat outside,” Levi said, sounding a bit wary.

“I have a particular spot in mind. Did you know this was a Garrison outpost before the Survey
Corps was formed? There are several old areas of the barracks we don’t make use of anymore, and
this is one of them.” He tugged on the doorknob. A screw had been removed from one side of the
latch, invisible to anyone who was unaware; the padlock was only for show. The door creaked
open, revealing a dark, musty-smelling room on the other side.

“Erwin?” Levi asked nervously.

“This way.”

They stepped into the room, and Erwin closed the door, immersing them in darkness.

“Shit,” Levi muttered. “If there are rats or bats in here, I swear—”

“There aren’t.” He gripped Levi’s arm and led him toward the far wall. “If you feel along the wall,
you’ll find a series of metal rungs embedded in the brick.” He gripped his lunch bag between his
teeth and began to climb.

The makeshift ladder was longer than he remembered, and his forearms were aching by the time he
reached the top. He felt for the hatch and, finding it, threw it open. He emerged into sunlight, Levi
on his heels.

They let the hatch fall closed as they took in their surroundings. The ladder had taken them to the
top of a small platform overlooking the city. A small wall, about mid-thigh height on Erwin,
encircled the platform, giving them some privacy. A sea of clay roofs sprawled before them, and
above them, the sky was wide and blue.

Levi’s eyes widened. “You can see the whole city from here.”

“This was a guard tower, back in the time when the walls were new and the military kept a vigilant
watch on the citizens at all hours. It hasn’t been used in decades. Since it’s one of the highest
vantage points in this area, not counting the walls, I thought it might appeal to you.”
Levi did a slow spin. “Not bad. Not bad at all.”

“No one else seems to know this spot exists, so it’s private.” Erwin sat down, leaning back against
the wall. “The view’s nice at night, too.”

“You come up here a lot?”

“I used to, years ago.”

Levi’s face twisted. “With Henrik.”

Erwin fell silent.

Suddenly, everything came pouring out. “It’s barely been a day since we first kissed, and you’re
already pulling down his picture frame and taking me to your secret spot? I’m not just a
replacement. You can’t force me into the hole he left behind.”

For a moment, Erwin stared, taken aback by the outburst. Levi leaned against the wall and
tightened his arms around his chest, his brows low. A breeze drifted between them, ruffling his
dark hair and his cravat.

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly, “while it’s true I used to come here with Henrik, I continued to come
here alone long after he was gone. My only thought was that you would enjoy the height and the
view. As for the picture, I took it down last night before I came to see you. Through your words, I
came to realize that I was hanging on to a ghost of a memory, mourning him out of habit. I promise
you, Levi, it never once occurred to me to replace him. You’re so unlike him that I couldn’t
possibly compare the two of you.”

Levi stared at his feet, his jaw clenching. “Unlike him how?”

Erwin hesitated. He considered it rude to talk about a past partner, but Levi seemed to be waiting,
so he gave in. “My relationship with Henrik was strange. I disliked him when we first met—he was
a clown, a man who had no qualms throwing his dignity aside for a cheap laugh. I found him
obnoxious. Over the years, and after countless drunken nights that I usually regretted the next
morning, he finally wore away my resistance and began to win my heart. It was hardly a traditional
love story, and the only reason we were so close in the end was because we had years for our
relationship to grow.”

“So what about me?”

“Completely different. The moment I first—” Erwin stopped, cheeks warming. If Levi was feeling
skittish, he shouldn’t dump this on him.

As if sensing his hesitation, Levi said, “I need to hear this.”

“Well, obviously your skills piqued my interest immediately. I enjoy a worthy opponent, and your
resistance was attractive. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find you physically attractive then, too.”

“While you were having Mike kick the shit out of me? You sadist.”

“Not exactly at that moment, but when I first saw you, yes. When I saw you take down your first
titan, my admiration began to grow, but you were still so hostile that I swallowed everything back.
Even as we interacted more, even as you began to warm up to me, I was still able to deny my
feelings. Then came the day you broke down in my office. I don’t know what possessed me to hold
you, but … ” He shook his head. “Whatever this is between us, Levi, it’s completely unlike what
happened with Henrik. With him, I needed time to appreciate him. With you, I’ve been trying to
suppress my feelings since we first locked eyes.”

There was a long pause. Levi still wasn’t looking at him, but his stance was more relaxed now.

“Are we okay?” Erwin asked, carefully selecting the same words Levi had given him that morning.

“Yeah.” Finally, the grey eyes locked onto him. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

For a beat, their eyes held, then Erwin smiled. “Then why don’t we have some lunch now, and
then we can move on to the business I need to discuss with you?” He cocked his head to his right,
inviting Levi to sit next to him.

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “There’s bird shit everywhere.”

“I can bring some old sheets or a tarp next time, if we decide to come here again. For now, use
this.” He took off his jacket and set it beside him as a makeshift seat.

Levi eyed him for a moment, then sat. Without warning, he lunged to grab the Commander’s
pendant, pulling himself in for a kiss. The force of it slammed Erwin’s back against the wall,
knocking a grunt from him.

Levi barely pulled away to murmur, “That’s for offering your jacket.” He kissed him a second
time, hard, then released the pendant. “That’s for looking so fucking hot without it.”

A bit dazed, Erwin looked down at his plain dress shirt and 3DMG straps. “It’s all standard issue.”

“Take the damned compliment.” Levi flopped to a seat beside him and pulled a sandwich out of his
bag. The small mouth was still in its standard frown, the expression bored, but somehow, Erwin
could tell that his spirit was lighter. He was learning to read Levi on a level he couldn’t quite
identify.

They began to eat. Erwin watched Levi out of the corner of his eye, fascinated by his eating habits:
small bites, delicate chewing, a dab with the cloth napkin after every bite. Where did a boy
growing up on the streets learn those manners? He already had a suspicion that the abridged
personal history Levi had given him the week before was missing a few key chapters, and small
details like this only made his suspicions grow.

Swallowing his last bite, Erwin wiped his mouth, then poured them each a mug of tea from the
thermos. “I want you to come to the Capital with me.”

Levi’s gaze slid to him. “When?”

“This week. When I was a Squad Leader, Shadis often brought me along to acquaint me with the
duties of high-ranking positions. I have an eye on you as our future Captain, so I think it’s
important to start exposing you to the bigger picture. You’ll accompany me to the inauguration and
gala. I’ll introduce you to others of your ranking, and—” He leaned forward. “You’ll be helping
me with some research.”

Finishing his meal, Levi set his bag aside. “What do you mean by research?”

“What I’m about to say is highly classified: do not repeat this to anyone.” Even though there was
no way they could be overheard, Erwin’s voice dropped. “You were right about the supply silo.
Those red chests we found contained gold belonging to the King. Someone led us to believe we
were retrieving vital supplies, knowing we would find the King’s money instead. We need to root
out the source of the lie.”

“Good. So we’ll be doing an interrogation?”

“Before we do anything drastic, I want to politely question an old friend and see if we can dig a
little deeper.” He paused. “I’m also thinking we might be able to find out what happened to your
aunt.” He studied the other, watching for a reaction.

“I know what happened to my aunt,” Levi said flatly, and the defensiveness only heightened
Erwin’s suspicions that the story he had been given was incomplete.

“You said she was arrested, but that was years ago,” he said carefully. “If she’s still imprisoned, I
may be able to pull some strings to free her. I can be very persuasive.”

With a sigh, Levi gathered his legs, his knees casually lolling against his elbows. “Look, Erwin,
you told me last night there’ll be things you can’t tell me, right? The same goes for me. Don’t dig
into things that should stay buried. I swear you can trust me.”

Erwin realized he had been trying to manipulate him instead of treating him like an equal, and his
stomach sank. It’s been so long since I’ve had a partner—or even a friend—that I’ve forgotten how
to interact with people. “ Okay, Levi.”

After a pause, Levi moved closer, casually draping an arm across Erwin’s upper back. “So the
inauguration and then a gala, huh?”

“Yes. I’m planning to head into town tomorrow to buy your soap, and I thought you might like to
come along and purchase a suit for the gala. I know a good tailor.”

“I can’t afford a suit.”

“Your salary should more than cover it, shouldn’t it?” Their pay was modest, but they had almost
no expenses.

Levi sighed. “Don’t tell anyone this, okay? You remember my friend Farlan? His sister had a bad
head injury about ten years ago and never recovered; she gets confused easily and doesn’t know
where she is. Farlan found a home for her that has nurses who keep her happy and healthy. Before
we joined up, we used to do odd jobs to raise the cash, and then we pooled parts of our military
salary for a while. I decided to take over the entire payments after Farlan—” He paused. “It’s my
fault he can’t provide for her anymore.”

Every time Erwin thought he had him all figured out, Levi handed him a new piece that didn’t fit
the puzzle. “Are you saying you give away your entire salary?”

“Most of it. What do I need money for?”

“A suit, for one thing.” He did a quick calculation of his own finances: he had been amassing pay
for several years, and he had come to the military with a sizable sum of money to begin with. “One
could argue that ultimately, your friend joined the Survey Corps because I forced you to join.
Paying for his sister should be my responsibility.”

Levi looked at him, eyes wide. “That’s stupid.”

“I can easily afford it. If that seems like too much, then at least let me cover half. That will allow
you to have some money of your own.”
“Look, just stop. I’m not going to accept your help. I’ll wear my uniform to this thing.”

“The King and several Lords and Ladies are going to be present, Levi. Our uniforms aren’t
appropriate.” Other branches had formal dress uniforms, but Survey Corps soldiers had such a low
life expectancy and so little reason to wear fancy dress that the Interior had deemed them an
unnecessary expenditure.

“Would my uniform be too much of a reminder that people are out there dying for them?” Levi
scoffed. “They have a problem with it, they can buy me a suit themselves.”

Erwin leaned back into his arm and closed his eyes; the sun lit up his vision in red. As was
traditional in the Survey Corps, he had mostly let Levi’s lack of discipline slide on matters of
formality. The world outside the wall was so chaotic that it seemed petty to focus on minutiae like
proper salutes and titles. While all the soldiers had a healthy respect for command and strong
discipline on the field, that was due to necessity more than protocol. Those who stepped out of line
got eaten.

It wasn’t like that in the Interior, where people were safe enough to hold themselves to arbitrary
rules and customs rather than the rule of life or death. Very few soldiers in the Corps had the
training to adapt to that lifestyle, and Levi seemed the type to outright rebel against it.

“You will wear a suit, Levi,” he said without opening his eyes. “I’ll buy it for you myself, if I have
to. It’s important that the Survey Corps shows a secure and united front, and that may mean
following social customs that seem pointless. Like it or not, we have to play by their rules if we
want to advance our goals. I promise you, it’s not forever. Just for now.”

In the pause that followed, the scent of warm tile and baking earth rose on the breeze. It smelled
like spring. He found himself reluctant to open his eyes. Would anyone care if he took a nap here
in the sunlight with Levi’s arm across his back?

“Okay, Erwin,” Levi said quietly. “I’ll get a fucking suit.”

Opening one eye, Erwin peered at him. “I’ll make sure you’re rewarded for it.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning suits are attractive, and I’ll be sure to appreciate you wearing one.”

Levi’s cheeks darkened, but he looked away. “More vague bullshit.”

“I promise it will be worth your patience.” Now he had relayed all the information he had intended,
and he should end the meeting, but the thought of Levi in a well-tailored suit was more exciting
than it had any right to be. He glanced at Levi, fighting the urge to pull him onto his lap. There was
still a mountain of paperwork to get through; this meeting was taking up too much time as it was.

“When are you comfortable meeting next?” he asked. “To spend the night together. How soon is
too soon?”

Levi’s brow furrowed. “Do we have to plan it? Can’t it just be spontaneous?”

“If we leave it to whim, I’ll be back in your room tonight, and we’re supposed to be taking things
slowly. Besides, we’re starting to arouse suspicions.”

He felt Levi’s arm tense across his back. “Is that what shitty four-eyes was talking to you about?”
“It is. Between you and me: Hange tried to blackmail me.”

“Blackmail you ?” Levi’s scoff was the closest thing to a laugh that Erwin had heard from him.
“Talk about picking the wrong target.”

“It was a mistake, but a revealing one: Hange’s determination and drive will make for a formidable
ally, with a bit of coaching.”

“That idiot,” Levi muttered. “It’s my fault. When we were stuck in that tree, I talked about you a
bit.”

“Really?”

“A lot.”

Erwin’s brows rose. He hadn’t expected to be so prevalent in Levi's mind. The thought of Levi
shivering on a tree branch and thinking of him made his throat tighten, and he suddenly turned and
gathered him in a tight hug, the angle awkward.

“Fuck,” Levi breathed as the air was squeezed out of him. “What the hell, Erwin?”

“I appreciate you thinking about me, that’s all.” He loosened his grip a little, but didn’t let go.

“Are you going to get this sappy anytime I say anything remotely sentimental?”

“Possibly.”

In the distance, the city clock struck one.

Embarrassed by his loss of control, Erwin released him, then stood, straightening his uniform. “I
didn’t realize we’d been up here so long. I have a one o’clock meeting with Shadis. Come by my
office tomorrow after breakfast, and we’ll go into town together. Civilian garb, please.” If Levi’s
celebrity was growing as quickly as Shadis suggested, then going out in uniform might get them
lots of unwanted attention.

“Sure.” Levi stood on his toes and grabbed Erwin’s neck in a futile attempt to reach his mouth for
a kiss. “Dammit, you’re too tall.”

Erwin leaned down and gave him a long, soft kiss. When he pulled away, he took a moment to run
his knuckle along the narrow jaw line. It was still so strange seeing that gentle expression in Levi’s
eyes; he felt so relaxed that he imagined his own face looked the same.

“Don’t forget this.” Levi retrieved the jacket he had been using as a seat, then shook it out and
handed it over. “Wash that before you wear it again. It’s covered in bird shit.” He bent down and
lifted the trap door. “You go first. I’ll wait a minute or two, in case anyone’s at the bottom.”

“Good plan.” Stepping down onto the ladder brought Erwin to Levi’s eye level, and he couldn’t
resist stealing one more kiss before he descended.

Levi lingered on the rooftop for a minute longer, waiting for the heat to leave his cheeks. It
annoyed him that a couple kisses were enough to leave him this flustered. If he was this bad now,
how was he going to react when they had sex?

Once he had given Erwin enough of a head start, he began to climb down the ladder, letting the
trap door fall closed above him. He exited through the dark room and the door with the faulty lock,
closing it firmly into place behind him. His nose wrinkled again at the dirty hallway. Perhaps he
would take Erwin’s suggestion and round up some of the new recruits as a cleaning crew.

He rounded the corner, and his eyes narrowed as he saw a familiar face at the end of the hall.
Silently, he closed the distance, then smacked the ponytailed head hard. Hange’s glasses fell to the
floor.

“Oof, what the hell?” Hange dropped to all fours, feeling around.

“You know what that was for, shit-for-brains.”

“Levi?”

He kicked the glasses out of the way, then squatted down and gripped Hange’s collar. “Do you
understand what a secret is?”

Hange winced. “I had no choice. I needed leverage, and that was the only thing I could use against
him.”

“And how did that turn out for you?” His voice dropped. “You betrayed my trust for nothing.
Erwin and I talked last night, and nothing’s going to happen. We’re done.”

“Oh.” Hange’s mouth drooped into a frown. “I’m sorry, Levi. I know you like him, and the way
you two were looking at each other all the time, I thought for sure—”

“Shut up.” He reached for the glasses and handed them over. “You’re going to help me clean until I
decide to tolerate you again, and you’re going to find recruits to help us.”

“There’s no need to be so bossy,” Hange muttered, adjusting the glasses into place.

“You’re lucky I’m letting you off this easy. Get going.”

And so Levi threw himself into his work, and time began to fly. It wasn’t that he enjoyed cleaning,
necessarily; it was gruelling, tedious work. The feeling of peace when he brought order to chaos,
however, was worth all the effort. His peace was somewhat interrupted by Hange’s constant chatter
with some of the new recruits. He half-listened, aware that he was supposed to be thinking about
rebuilding his squad. A few of them caught his eye with their obedience and attention to detail,
particularly a dark-haired man by the name of Gunther. Levi made a mental note to speak with
Gunther’s Team Leader to find out how he performed on the field.

They broke for dinner, and neither Erwin nor Shadis made an appearance in the mess hall.
Apparently Shadis was heading back to the training camp the next morning, so he imagined the
two were in for a long night as they finalized all of Erwin’s training.

That night, Levi rearranged the furniture in his room to his liking, then washed up and crawled into
bed. He expected sleep to come easily after a night in a tree then another up late with Erwin, but he
found himself tossing and turning. His head still felt strange from the concussion, and he couldn’t
get warm. It had been such a clear day that the temperature must have dropped radically when the
sun went down. He burrowed into his blankets, shivering.

Would seeing Erwin two nights in a row really be too much, too soon? He couldn’t stop thinking
about how warm those broad hands would feel on his skin.

Pulling on his pyjama bottoms, he slipped through his door and padded down the hallway. A crack
of light shone from the bottom of Erwin’s door, so he knocked once. Twice. “Erwin?”

When there was no response, he turned the knob and peered into the room.

Erwin was slumped across a small desk in the corner, a mountain of papers beside him. Though his
head was facing the other way, Levi could see his back rising and falling with even breaths.

I bet Shadis sent him to bed, but he kept working in here anyway. Levi stepped into the room and
silently closed the door behind him, then locked it. The floor creaked as he moved closer, but
Erwin didn’t stir. A pen sat loosely in his hand, its point bleeding a massive pool of ink onto a
piece of paper.

“Erwin.”

“Hm?” He lifted his head, his eyelids heavy and his hair ruffled. “Levi?”

Levi felt a wave of fondness. “You need to go to bed, you idiot.”

Erwin blinked, running a hand through his hair. “The paperwork—”

“Can wait. Here.” Levi leaned in and loosened the Commander’s pendant, then pulled it over his
head and set it on the desk. His free hand began to work at Erwin’s buttons, subtly admiring the
physique revealed as the shirt fell away. He briefly considered tracing the lines of the muscled
abdomen with his tongue, then decided Erwin was likely to fall asleep on him before it led
anywhere. Maybe in the morning.

“Stand up,” he said. “You’re going to bed.”

Erwin lurched to his feet, then plodded to the bed and sagged onto it. “You aren’t supposed to be
here,” he mumbled.

“And you aren’t supposed to fall asleep on a desk, you fucking workaholic. Move over. It’s too
cold to sleep alone.”

Erwin shifted, leaving room.

Once he had extinguished the lamp, Levi crawled into bed next to his exhausted Commander and
pulled the covers overtop of them. He rolled onto his side and pressed closer, laying a hand on the
centre of Erwin’s chest. Heat rolled between them in waves, and he finally began to feel warm.

“This isn’t going to be a nightly thing,” he said. “Don’t get used to it. I was just cold.”

After a moment of silence, he realized Erwin was already unconscious. Snuggling closer, he buried
his face in Erwin’s shoulder, and a moment later, he began to drift to sleep.
 Mouth
Chapter Notes

Previous chapter: shyness, Hange blackmail, tower-top discussions and a sleepy

workaholic.

-8-

Mouth

Erwin awoke the next morning to discover he was spooning behind Levi, arms wrapped around his
narrow ribcage. It took him a moment to remember being ordered to bed the night before, but when
he did, he smiled to himself. Levi acted tough, but beneath it all, he was caring.

The room was bright, the sun illuminating the curtains; they must have slept through reveille.
There was still a mountain of paperwork to do, and his bladder was full, but he couldn’t bring
himself to move away just yet. He stroked Levi’s chest with his fingertips, acquainting himself
with the soft smattering of chest hair. Levi stirred, shifting back against him, and he was so warm
that Erwin’s hips rocked against his will.

“You awake back there?” Levi asked, voice groggy. “Or just dry-humping me in your sleep?”

Erwin cleared his throat. “I’m awake. It looks like we slept through reveille.”

“Screw reveille. We were both going on leave today, anyway—unless you decided to do more
paperwork instead.”

“I should probably take a break. I’ve been told I’m a workaholic.” He nuzzled the back of the
narrow neck, then began to trace a slow figure-eight with his tongue.

Levi gave a shuddering breath and edged back against him. “If you want something, Erwin … ”

He did want something: he wanted to sink his teeth into Levi’s neck, pull down the thin layer of
cloth between them and thrust into him. The mental image was so powerful that his eyes squeezed
shut. You promised yourself you would move slowly.

Well, maybe sex was off the table for now, but there were other options.

He slid his palm down the muscled abdomen, then lower, overtop of the waistband. As he rubbed
the strained fabric between Levi’s legs, he heard a soft groan. This was something he had forgotten
about having a male partner: thanks to physiological responses after sleep, morning lent itself well
to intimacy.

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, tilting his hips into the grip. Erwin felt a sympathy wave of arousal so
strong that his eyes rolled back into his head. He firmly slid his hand back up to the waistband,
preparing to plunge beneath it this time.
A knock sounded at the door. “Erwin? Are you in there?” called Shadis’ voice.

“Fuck,” Levi muttered, and Erwin marvelled at his ability to get so many different meanings out of
a single word. Fuck, indeed.

It was tempting to pretend he wasn’t in, but Shadis was scheduled to return to his post with the
trainees, so this would likely be their last opportunity to speak for several months. Retracting his
hand, Erwin threw off the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Ignore him,” Levi whispered.

“I can’t. He’s leaving today.” Louder, he said, “One moment please, Keith.”

Levi muttered a slew of curses as he sat up. “Fine, I’ll hide. But you’d better worry about hiding
that. ”

Erwin looked down and saw the size of the bulge in his pants. Gritting his teeth, he strode to the
closet. He stripped off his pyjama bottoms, then pulled on a pale blue dress shirt and his uniform
pants, struggling to close the fly. He fastened the brown skirt of his uniform as well, letting it fall
loosely in front of his groin to try to disguise the bulge. Erwin turned to see Levi staring at him,
wide-eyed, and realized he had just given him a show. It’s not as if he’s never seen me change
before, he thought, but changing in a roomful of colleagues was different than changing after
spending the night in each other’s arms.

He strode to the door. In his periphery, he saw Levi step into the closet.

“Sorry for the wait, sir.” Erwin opened the door, then saluted.

“At ease.” Shadis was wearing a long jacket, a travelling bag in his hand. “You weren’t at
breakfast, so I thought you’d left early to go on leave. Glad I managed to catch you.”

Erwin could feel Levi’s presence in the closet, burning a hole in his mind; his eyes kept trying to
dart in that direction, even though the motion would probably make him look suspicious. “My
apologies; I had a bit of a long night.”

“Understandable. Care to walk me to my carriage?”

Heading outside was probably a good idea. The further he was from Levi, the less suspiciously he
would act.

As they began to walk down the hallway, Erwin said, “The next-of-kin documentation went out in
the post this morning, and I’ll have my formal reports ready in time for my arrival at the Capital.
Thank you again for all your help.”

“Of course. Do you have everything you need from me?”

“I believe so, yes. If I have any questions, I’ll send a messenger to the training barracks.” He
hesitated. “I started drafting up the documentation for my incident with Mike.”

“What?” Shadis shook his head. “Leave that off the books.”

“Sir?”

“I won’t breathe a word of it, and I doubt any of your troops will, either. Better that the brass
doesn’t have anything to hold against you later.” Shadis smiled at him. “You’re going to be one
hell of a Commander, Erwin. Just remember what I said about your humanity. Keep your head, but
keep your heart, too. Find that balance point.”

“I’ll do my best.” Erwin absently touched his wounded eye. It didn’t hurt as much now that a
couple of days had passed, but he could still feel it: a reminder that he was capable of tipping the
balance too far in either direction.

They arrived in the courtyard. An elegant carriage waited for Shadis, far nicer than the ones that
usually transported the Survey Corps, and Erwin raised an eyebrow. Apparently the Trainee Corps
had money to spare.

Shadis clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Take care, son.”

“You too, Keith.” He gave one last salute, then Shadis stepped into the carriage.

Erwin watched as the carriage left the gates. Now he was formally in control of the Survey Corps,
with no mentor watching over him, no one to keep him in check if he pushed too far. Any restraint
would have to come from within. Like his personal life, pushing too quickly could cause
complications: he had to take it slowly. There were plans to be executed, but not until he had all the
pieces aligned, and that could take years of careful arrangement.

Sometimes, he envied people like Hange, who lived their lives with a reckless disregard for self-
control. Ever since Erwin had been a little boy, he had lived a life that was deliberate and planned.

What had Levi said during their drink together? That Erwin couldn’t trust people, so he controlled
them instead? He had hit the nail on the head with that one. And I trust myself least of all.

When he returned to his room, he found the closet door wide open. Levi was nowhere in sight. He
frowned, disappointed, but decided it was just as well: they had errands to run. His stomach was
growling, and he had his heart set on breakfast at his favourite pastry shop in town.

He pulled off his shirt and grabbed a towel and toiletries, heading to wash up.

Levi was in the bath, washing himself; his hand paused when he saw Erwin enter, but then he
continued washing, acting as if there was nothing between them. Other soldiers were milling
around, so Erwin did his best not to ogle. Selecting the sink nearest the bath, he began to lather his
shaving cream.

“‘Morning,” Levi said, his tone disinterested.

“‘Morning.” Erwin studied himself in the mirror as he applied the cream. His split lip was already
healing, but the black eye was turning a brilliant shade of red-violet. There was no way he was
going to be able to hide it for the gala. He’d need to create an interesting story about how he had
earned it. And a short one, because he’d likely be telling it many times.

Levi dunked under the water to rinse himself, then stepped out of the bath. Erwin’s eyes briefly slid
sideways, taking in Levi’s dripping naked form. Visions of tracing that body with his palms, his
tongue, were so vivid that he closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself. Take it slowly, take it
slowly …

With exaggerated focus, he leaned closer to the mirror and began to shave.

“Hey. Erwin.”

Levi stood beside him, wearing only a towel.

“Yes, Levi?” He carefully kept his eyes on his reflection.

“You eat breakfast yet?”

“Actually, I was thinking of stopping by a pastry shop for something a bit nicer than our usual
fare.” He rinsed the blade. “You’re on leave today too, right? Would you care to join me before
you head out? My treat.”

Levi’s eyes darted to the side, as if he were gauging the distance to the other soldiers cleaning up
around them. “There was a thing or two I wanted to take care of before I left.”

“Nothing that can’t wait, I’m sure. It’s a beautiful day outside, and I’d like to get out before the
crowds start to clog the sidewalks. I’ll meet you by the gates in ten minutes?”

His eyes narrowed. “Fine,” he muttered, then he turned and left.

Erwin finished shaving, then returned to his room to change his clothes. He swapped out the
military pants and skirt for a pair of brown pants and black boots. As he walked toward the main
exit, he rubbed a hand along his bare neck. He wasn’t even formally a Commander yet and he
already felt naked without the pendant.

Levi was leaning against the gate post outside, his arms folded over his chest. He wore a simple
grey collared shirt and black pants, his cravat tied at his throat.

“For a man so brilliant, you really are stupid,” Levi said, pulling away from the gate to greet him.

“What do you mean?” Erwin unlatched the gate and let Levi through, then closed it behind them.

As they began to walk along the cobblestone, Levi’s voice dropped so that no one would overhear:
“When I said there were a few things I wanted to take care of, I was hinting I was horny.”

“Ah.” Erwin felt his cheeks warm. “I’m only human, Levi. I have a few blind spots. You may find
you have to be rather aggressive to get through to me.”

“So I’m supposed to take it slow, but be aggressive.”

It was a fair point. “I’m not making a lot of sense, am I?”

“No.” Levi edged closer, walking so closely next to him that their arms were touching. Erwin
found himself deliriously weighing the risks of holding hands—were they far away enough from
the base to have anonymity in the crowd?—then realized it didn’t matter. Risks aside, the height
difference between them was so great that holding hands would require awkward contortion.

He found himself wondering how that height difference would translate into other contexts. It will
certainly make sex against a wall a viable possibility, he thought, and the vision took root in his
mind. He caught himself glancing down a dark alleyway as they passed, envisioning them
secretively fucking against a shadowed wall. His teeth clenched. He really should have taken a
private moment to take the edge off before they met up, because he was still worked up from the
unexpected interruption earlier .

“I want you to understand, Levi,” he said quietly, “my failure to pick up on your hint wasn’t for
lack of wanting you.”

Levi glanced up at him. “I know. I felt how hard you were grinding against my ass this morning.”
Erwin’s mouth went dry. Enough. There was one place in town private enough for them to hide
away and blow off some steam, and they would have a few hours to kill while their suits were
being tailored. He silently added the new destination to his mental list of the day’s errands, hoping
they had the willpower to wait until then.

He led them to the pastry shop, a quaint stone building on a corner with large stained-glass
windows. Blooming flowers hung at even intervals from its roof, lovingly tended by one of the
owners. Inside the shop, protected by glass cases, were trays of flaky pastries prepared with fruit
and cream. Levi’s eyes widened as he looked over the assortment.

“You could feed an entire family dinner for the cost of one of these,” he said.

“Look at this as a celebration for our promotions. The tea assortment is excellent as well.” Erwin
selected a flat pastry with sliced apples spread on its surface and ordered a pot of floral tea. After a
few more minutes, Levi chose a butter tart with a thick crust. Erwin paid, and they settled into a
small table in the corner. Levi sat with his back against the wall, his eyes darting to the door each
time someone entered, as if sizing up the newcomers. I wonder if he knows he’s doing that, thought
Erwin, flattered that a man so instinctively guarded had chosen to trust him.

“I didn’t realize we were going on a date,” Levi said dryly. “I would have brought flowers.”

Erwin smiled and poured him a cup of tea. “Not necessarily a date. I’ve brought others here before
with no romantic intent. I enjoy the opportunity to have a little treat now and then.”

“Is this what your life would be like if there were no titans? Getting fat on sweets and tea?” Levi
carefully cut a chunk out of his tart with a knife and fork.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what life would be like if there were no titans. Every choice I’ve
made in my life has been contingent on their existence. No, more than that: every choice I’ve ever
made for others, and every choice that has ever been made for me.”

Levi swallowed, then washed down the bite with a sip of tea. “So, what will you do when they’re
gone?”

The question made Erwin pause. He took a careful bite of his pastry, chewing it as he considered.
“I don’t expect that to happen during our lifetimes,” he said finally. “We’re laying the foundations
for future generations to win the war.”

“I think we’ll be the ones to destroy them. You’re fighting with purpose to get to the bottom of the
titans, not just scrambling to survive; once we know what they are, we can exterminate them. So
what will you do when that happens?”

Erwin was flattered by Levi’s confidence. He knew the words were oversimplified, and more than
that, he didn’t expect either of them to live to the end of the battle. They were too important to the
cause, too front-and-centre; men in their roles did not survive war. His heart twisted. I wonder
which of us will die first.

“ If the war is won,” he said aloud, “the Survey Corps’ objective will shift to establishing new
colonies outside the walls and maintaining peace. I would be honoured to help oversee that
process.”

“That’s it?” Levi asked. “Politics and peacekeeping? No settling down in a little house in the
country?”

“Well, maybe a bit of that, too. If I had someone to settle down with.”
Their eyes held for a moment, then Levi looked down and took another sip of tea. For a few
minutes, they ate in silence. The crisp pastry melted on Erwin’s tongue in a gradient of flavours:
fruit, then butter, then honey. Food of this calibre was a rarity this far from the Interior, and he
savoured every bite of it.

Across from him, Levi dragged his fork across his empty plate to collect the remainder of the
filling. “That was pretty good.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Erwin settled back in his seat, clasping his teacup with both hands. “So
what about you, Levi? What will you do when all this is over?”

“I don’t know anymore.” Levi mirrored his posture and took a sip. “I guess if you’re going to
oversee settlement or anything like that, I’d help out if I could.”

“You wouldn’t prefer to find a nice girl, settle down and start a family?”

“Never been interested in girls, and I’ve got all the family I need.” Levi looked into his teacup,
swirling the liquid. “I told you, Erwin: where you go, I’ll follow.”

A lump was forming in Erwin’s throat. He cleared it. “I’m not sure what I did to earn your loyalty,
but I’m grateful for it.”

“You were smarter than me,” Levi said bluntly, looking up at him. “You’ve proven again and
again that you see an inhuman number of steps ahead of every situation. I bet you’ve already
figured out exactly how and when this war will end.”

Erwin gave a small, humourless smile. “I have my theories.”

“But you aren’t going to share them.”

“It’s better that you don’t know.”

Levi stared at him for a moment, then shook his head and drained the rest of his tea. “Where to
next?”

“The general store is on the way to the tailor.” Erwin stood. “I believe I owe you some soap.”

“All right, but let me pick it out, okay? You’ll probably get the wrong one.”

“I thought you said I was smarter than you.”

“About strategy, not cleanliness. I’ve seen your office.” Levi’s eyes twinkled, and the corner of
Erwin’s lips lifted. Fair enough.

The general store was just down the street; it was a frequent destination for Survey Corps soldiers
due to its proximity to the base. As they stepped into the store, Levi turned toward the soap aisle.
Erwin followed, picking out his shaving cream, razors and other toiletries. He hesitated for a
moment at the erotic lubricants section, then glanced at Levi, who was busy squinting at a shaving
cream label.

It’s going to happen sooner or later. Might as well be prepared. Erwin reached out and grabbed a
bottle of erotic oil, hiding it in his palm.

“I just need to grab one more thing,” he said to Levi. “I’ll meet you up front when you’re ready.”
The only response was a distracted nod.
Erwin made one last stop at the tool case at the back of the store and spoke to the man at the
counter. The man eyed him for a moment and then, recognizing him, surreptitiously handed over a
small bundle from beneath the counter. Lock picking tools. They would have come in handy
during the last mission; it was a waste for someone with Levi’s talents to travel unequipped.

Levi was waiting for him at the cashier, a bottle of soap in hand. The cashier began to slide their
purchases across the counter as she tallied the total. As she slid the erotic oil into view, Levi turned
to Erwin with a raised brow.

“It’s good for dry skin,” Erwin said, deadpan.

“Your skin doesn’t look dry.”

“Well, I’d hate to be caught without it if I ever needed it.”

“Hm.” Levi turned away, his cheeks reddening.

They left the store in silence, making their way down the street to the tailor. Erwin’s face was
burning, his mind swimming with images of all the ways they could play with the oil. He tried to
calm himself down as they approached the tailor’s shop, letting his mind fill with boring thoughts
like fabric types and suit cuts.

The tailor was a husky man by the name of Olivier with dark curly hair and a handsome grin.

“Mr. Smith,” he cried, striding forward. He clasped Erwin’s hand and shook it with great
enthusiasm. “It’s good to see you. And you’ve brought a friend.”

“This is Levi.” Erwin glanced down at his companion, who had his arms folded over his chest, an
uncomfortable scowl on his face. “We’re in need of suits for a gala in the Interior.”

“Oh, wonderful.” Olivier paced around them, looking them up and down. “I have a suit that will
look great on you, Mr. Smith. As for your friend, he’s so tiny that we may have to dig into the
children’s collections, but I believe—”

“What?” growled Levi.

Erwin dropped a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “Olivier, we don’t need to know what
collections the suits are from. Just bring us something that will fit. Levi is a great hero to humanity,
so please make sure he looks the part.”

“Of course, Mr. Smith,” the tailor said with a broad grin.

“Asshole,” Levi muttered as the tailor departed. “Erwin, how much is this bullshit going to cost
me?”

“It’s an extension of your uniform. It will be covered for you.” Erwin didn’t mention that he
planned to pay for it out of his own pocket, but by the suspicious look Levi gave him, he was
certain he saw straight through him.

Olivier returned with a suit for each of them, rambling about their fashionable attributes. Once they
tried them on, he pinned the fabric in several places to demonstrate how they’d fit once they were
tailored. Levi looked handsome in his tight-fitting dark grey suit, but he looked down at the price
tag on the sleeve and scowled.

“Don’t worry about the price,” Erwin said.

“We could feed an entire family for a month with this much cash,” Levi growled, “and we’re going
to spend it on shitty suits to impress the fat bastards who’re living off the backs of the starving?
Fuck this.” He pulled off his jacket and dropped it on the floor. Olivier gave a shocked cry and
hurried to retrieve it.

Erwin studied Levi for a moment, gauging his size. He had access to an old suit that might fit him
with a little alteration.

Turning to the tailor, he gave a polite smile. “I’ll take my suit with its alterations please, Olivier.
We’ll explore other options for Levi for now.”

“Of course.” The tailor’s smile was strained. “I can have that ready for you by four o’clock.”

They changed back into their regular clothes and Erwin settled the fees, then cocked his head at the
door, signalling that it was time to leave.

When they stepped outside, he said, “I wasn’t aware you were so opposed to spending money on
fashionable clothing.”

Levi smoothed his cravat. “Only when it’s for the wrong reasons.”

“Are you going to be okay at this gala?”

“I’ll be good, if that’s what you’re asking.” Levi looked up. “Where are we going now?”

“A few more blocks down the road,” Erwin said. “I know where we can find you a suit, but I’m
going to need your help getting in.”

Levi gave him a blank look.

Reaching into his bag, Erwin pulled out the bundle that contained the lock picking tools. “A gift
for you.” He hadn’t expected them to be useful so soon.

Levi unrolled the bundle. His pace slowed as he stared at the tools. “Erwin,” he said suspiciously.

“Don’t worry, the home you’ll be breaking into is my own. I didn’t think to bring along the key.
The neighbours don’t really know me, so I’d recommend discretion while you work.” He was
looking forward to seeing Levi’s skills in action—mostly because he wanted to size them up for a
future plan, but partly because, as much as he hated to admit it, the idea of Levi breaking the law
was a bit of a turn on.

“So you’re taking me home on the first date?” Levi shook his head. “I thought we were taking it
slow.”

“I have an old suit that might fit you. I wore it when I graduated from the Trainee Corps.” Erwin
watched him, waiting for a reaction, and he wasn’t disappointed; Levi cast him a withering glare.

“No damned way you were my size when you were fifteen.”

“Seventeen—I joined up a couple years later than most. And yes, I was a late bloomer; I didn’t hit
my growth spurt until I was almost eighteen.”

“I’m still waiting for mine,” Levi muttered. It was the closest he had ever come to joking about his
height, and Erwin glanced at him, surprised. Height had always seemed like a sore spot for him.

There was a long silence as they shifted into single file, winding their way down a particularly busy
street. When they fell into step together again, Levi said quietly, “Does it bother you?”

“What?”

“My height.”

“No. Truth be told, I find it attractive. Why? Does my height bother you?”

Levi shrugged. “It’s going to make some things difficult.”

“Like holding hands.”

The grey eyes narrowed at him. “I meant in the bedroom.”

Erwin cleared his throat, realizing how naïve he must have sounded. “Nothing a few pillows can’t
overcome. Besides, we can get creative. There are several positions that only work with a sizable
height difference. I have a few in mind we can try.”

Their gaze held, and he realized they were discussing sex as casually as if they’d been together for
years. His face burned; he was certain it must be beet red.

“This is all backwards,” Levi muttered, blushing as well. “You won’t even let me touch your dick,
and we’re already planning how we’re going to fuck. It’s like a business contract.”

“It’s good to plan ahead,” Erwin said.

“Of course you’d say that. You probably have our whole timeline mapped out on paper.” Levi
shook his head. “It’s okay to be spontaneous once in a while, you know. A relationship isn’t a
battlefield; acting on an impulse won’t kill you.”

The words sparked something to life within Erwin, a playfulness he had long ago suppressed. Very
well.

His eyes did a quick sweep of the area. Seeing they were in the clear, he grabbed Levi’s arm and
yanked him several paces sideways into an empty, narrow alley.

“What—” Levi began, but Erwin dropped his bag, grabbed his shoulders and threw him against the
wall. Their mouths met in a long, deep kiss. He felt Levi’s groan rumble through his jaw, felt
strong hands claw into his ass.

He tore his mouth from Levi’s and moved to whisper in his ear: “I’d like to remind you that it was
my spontaneous kiss that started this madness, and my spontaneous hand-hold that continued it,
and I promise you, neither of those were planned.”

Then, his point proven, he pulled away entirely and bent to retrieve his bag.

For a moment, Levi stayed flat against the wall as if stunned; his eyes were wide, his lips still
parted.

“Shall we proceed?” Erwin asked, secretly proud to have thrown him off.

“Shit,” Levi said, and he finally pulled away from the wall, brushing at his shirt. “You’ve got a bit
of an ego on you, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Every time I insult you about something, like jumping onto the roof or being spontaneous, you
have to try to prove me wrong. I wonder … ” Levi cocked his head at him. “Bet you’re too
chicken-shit to jerk me off right here in this alleyway.”

Erwin smiled, enjoying his deadpan humour. “Subtle, but I’m wise to your wily ploys, Levi.
Besides, I can think of nicer venues than a dirty alleyway.”

“Fine. Then lead on.”

“Not much further now.” After that kiss, Erwin was glad they were getting closer to refuge. He had
only meant to catch Levi off guard, but his plan had backfired; now his thoughts were running
away on him again, too.

They rounded a corner into a residential district, and Erwin slowed.

“There.” He pointed at a single-story row-home, its entrance barely visible in the shadows. “The
brown door. Do not allow anyone to see you enter.”

“No problem.” Levi began to approach the house from the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets. He
gave a glance up and down the street, then walked straight for the door and pulled a tool from his
pocket; a glint of silver, and the door opened. He stepped inside.

Erwin scanned the area to make sure no eyes were on him, then casually strode to the door and
opened it. Levi stood in the room, arms folded over his chest.

“That’s it?” Erwin asked.

“You’d be amazed to learn how easy it is to break through any door. Locks are more of an honour
system than actual protection.”

“That’s disconcerting.” He closed the door behind him and locked it. “What about doors in a
military building? Similarly easy?”

Levi squinted, as if trying to read him. “Maybe a bit trickier, but not by much. We used to break
into Military Police bunkers all the time.”

“Good.” Before any questions could come up, he changed the topic: “Welcome to my home. This
is where I come when I need to hide from the world.”

Levi did a slow spin, and Erwin took it in through his eyes. The wooden room was large enough to
contain a bed, a desk, a wardrobe for his belongings, a small stove and an icebox, with very little
room to navigate between each of them. A door on the left wall, closed, led to a small bathroom.
Inside the bathroom was his one luxury: a hand-pump shower. It took a good deal more work than
a bath, but left him feeling cleaner, and sometimes, especially after expeditions with high body
counts, he desperately needed to feel clean.

The shower was sure to impress his cleanliness-obsessed guest, but as he was about to give a tour,
he caught sight of an unmarked envelope on the floor. Someone must have slid it beneath the door.
He bit the inside of his cheek, knowing there was only one person who could have delivered it. I
told her not to contact me here.

As he bent down to retrieve it, Levi stepped into the room and ran a finger along the surface of the
desk. “This place is small.” He rubbed his fingers together. “And dusty.”

“It meets my needs,” Erwin said absently. He retrieved his letter opener from the desk, then slit the
envelope open. “There’s a feature in the bathroom you might like. Feel free to take a look.” He
pulled out the letter and unfolded it, scanning the elegant script:

’ Erwin,

’The city is abuzz with news of your upcoming promotion. Commander of the Survey Corps?
Disgraceful. I always prayed for you to come home, but not under such distressing circumstances.
Your mother weeps for you every night—she pretends she doesn’t, but I hear her, and it breaks my
heart; it should break yours, too, if you have any feelings left at all. If you won’t abandon your
sacrilegious path, at least be man enough to tell her why you betray us.’

He felt a throbbing twitch in his eye. As casually as if the letter was an unwanted advertisement, he
tore the paper down its centre and dropped it in the garbage bin.

“Bad news?” Levi asked. Erwin looked up to see him frozen with one hand on the bathroom
doorknob, watching him.

He gave a polite smile. “No, just annoying clutter. Sometimes shopkeepers drop flyers in my mail
slot.”

One of Levi’s brows furrowed. “It looked like there was a Wallist crest on it.”

“The butcher down the street is rather devout.” It wasn’t a lie, exactly, just an unrelated truth.
Erwin moved to the wardrobe and pulled open the door. “Here we are.” He pulled out a black suit.
The collar was a little too high for current fashions, and the fabric was a bit cheap, but it was
serviceable.

Levi accepted the hanger, his fingertips sliding along the collar as he held it up against his body to
compare. “You’re shitting me, right? This has to belong to an ex-boyfriend or something. There’s
no fucking way you were this small when you were seventeen.”

“Ask Mike. He was a full foot taller than me for most of our training; used to use my head as an
elbow-rest.” Erwin shook his head. “You wouldn’t have recognized me back then. I was an
awkward teenager—nose too big for my face, enormous feet, cracking voice.”

“Couldn’t have been that awkward. You said you were with a woman while you were training.”
Levi pulled the jacket over his shirt. He sniffed. “You wore the same cologne.”

“I did, and yes, I was with someone—I can’t tell you what she saw in me. Half the trainees were in
love with her. She ended up marrying a friend of mine, and they’ve done quite well for
themselves.” Erwin stepped forward to straighten Levi’s collar. “The sleeves are a bit long on you,
but the fit across the shoulders is good. Try on the pants, too.”

Levi pulled off his boots, setting them neatly by the entrance, then undid his belt. He dropped his
pants and stepped out of them, and Erwin’s eyes trailed the muscular thighs and calves. He wanted
to rub his palms along them, feel the wiry hair, kneel between them—

Focus. He glanced at the wall, waiting.

“They actually fit pretty well.” Levi took a couple steps in place, tugging at the fabric to test its
give. “Bit tight in the crotch.”

“They were a bit short on me, so I thought they might work.” Erwin looked him up and down. The
suit accentuated the taper between Levi’s upper and lower torso, and hugged his muscular thighs.
“Well?” Levi did a slow spin. The fabric was tight against his ass. Erwin took a long, deep breath.
They were locked away from sight, they had a few hours to kill, and he couldn’t be the only one
slowly going mad from lack of contact. Surely it would be okay to give in to his lust for a little
while.

Stepping in, he caught the slender jaw, bending down for a deep kiss. Levi pulled away to give him
a withering look.

“You creep, I’m dressed like your kid self.”

“I never saw myself in it.” Erwin went for his neck instead. “All I see is an athletic man in a tight
suit.” He nipped at the skin beneath Levi’s ear; his palms slid aggressively down Levi’s sides, then
his hips.

“You’re going to wrinkle it if you keep that up.”

“It needs to be pressed anyway.” Erwin felt dizzy, high on their proximity. He used his tongue to
trace a meandering line up to Levi’s earlobe, where he rumbled, “I’ve spent the whole morning
thinking about what I want to do to you.”

“Fuck,” Levi breathed, his hip muscles tensing.

The unconscious reaction gave Erwin bravery. He pulled back to look him in the eye. “I’m going to
undress you and lay you down on the bed, and then I’m going to explore your entire body with my
mouth.” He hadn’t intended to push things so far this soon, but his body’s ache was once again
drowning out his logic. He waited for Levi’s reaction, heart pounding in his throat.

Levi stared at him with wide eyes. “Okay.”

They kissed again, and Erwin unbuttoned the suit jacket; he tossed it over the desk chair, then
began to unbutton the dress shirt beneath it. Levi groaned into his mouth and reached for Erwin’s
collar.

Erwin caught his wrist. “Just you.”

“I don’t want to be naked by myself.” Levi leaned in again, nipping his lower lip. “I won’t try
anything unless you ask. I just want to see you.”

The fog of hormones and damp panting breaths and racing heartbeats made it difficult to think
straight. Erwin released his wrist, and they began to unbutton each other’s shirts.

When they were both topless, he crushed Levi against his body, feeling the warmth of skin against
skin. Levi’s hands curled into his back, clawed into his flesh, and he felt his eyelids flutter shut. He
needed to be closer, needed to be closer—he walked Levi back to the bed and pushed him onto it,
then dropped on top of him, grinding him into the mattress. Levi rolled him over with surprising
strength, and their mouths locked, their hips rocking.

This is too fast, thought Erwin, and it wasn’t at all what he had planned, but he didn’t want it to
stop. He raked down Levi’s back, and he grabbed Erwin’s hair in response, pulling hard.

“Fuck,” Erwin growled, the word breaking their kiss. Levi jerked his hair, tugging his head back,
opening up his throat; he felt a warm tongue trace either side of his trachea. Their legs intertwined,
and Levi’s foot slid along the shin of his pants, stroking him with his toes. The sensation was
oddly familiar …
Erwin froze as a memory crashed over him: he and Henrik on this very bed, rolling and laughing on
its surface, their feet rubbing playfully together, Henrik’s toe trailing down his shin—

“Hey.” Levi released his hair. “You okay?”

“I—” It took several blinks to clear the intrusive memory from his mind. “My apologies. I’m
okay.”

Levi watched him for a moment, then rolled off him. “Here. You lead.”

Touched by his consideration, Erwin nodded his thanks. “Sit at the end of the bed.”

Levi obeyed, and together they pulled off his pants and undergarments. Erwin untied the cravat last
and set it aside, and then it was just Levi sitting in front of him, nude and beautiful. Erwin knelt
between his legs and slowly rubbed his hands along Levi’s arms. This was a position of worship,
and he intended to pay homage to this contradiction of a man, to the surprising strength in the small
body, to the caring nature beneath the crass exterior.

Their eyes locked. Levi’s jaw was quivering, his chest rising and falling with quick breaths. Erwin
leaned forward to press a soft kiss into the centre of that chest. He could feel the pounding
heartbeat beneath his lips, could smell Levi’s raw scent. He felt himself throb in response and
decided this would be a good time to take off the rest of his clothes, before his pants became too
uncomfortable.

He stood and unbuttoned his pants, then slid them off his bruised hips. There was nothing between
them now—no clothes, no ranks, no politics. They had been naked together before, but never in
such an intimate context. The honesty of it was humbling.

His groin was at Levi’s eye level, less than half a metre from his face, and Erwin could feel the
faint breeze of breath on his skin. Levi stared, then slowly his eyes rose to meet Erwin’s, as if
asking permission. Erwin swallowed hard. He wanted to step forward into that mouth, so badly that
he ached, but he forced himself to kneel down instead.

He had promised to explore Levi’s entire body, but he could already tell that Levi was struggling to
restrain himself, so it seemed cruel to tease him much longer. Erwin began to kiss along his thigh
instead. Levi’s hands tightened into the quilt, and he was so quiet that Erwin wondered if he was
holding his breath.

Slowly, his kisses moved closer to the centre, the hair getting thicker, the scent getting stronger,
heat wafting from the skin in a layer so thick that it was almost tangible. He nuzzled soft, wrinkled
flesh, and Levi let out a low curse. Here, he could taste Levi’s scent, amplified and warm; it
mingled with the familiar scent of a man’s groin, and also a third element that was completely new,
completely unique to this area of this man’s body. Shivers ran down Erwin’s spine and settled in
his tailbone, and he let out a quiet moan.

Levi shifted. “Stop sniffing my crotch, you pervert,” he said, voice strained.

“I can’t stop. You smell so good.” Erwin’s voice cracked. He began to trail his lips higher, barely
skimming the skin, breathing in. As he approached the tip, his tongue made contact, then began to
drag.

The groan that sounded in Levi’s throat was so unchecked, so vulnerable, that Erwin’s eyes
fluttered closed. He ran his tongue in a slow circle, teasing.

“Fuck,” Levi gasped, and he tilted his pelvis, trying to thrust deeper.
Erwin gripped his hips, locking him firmly in place. Not yet. Still shallow, he released a long, hot
breath, then inhaled deeply, playing with air currents.

“Fuck! Erwin, please … ”

He delivered a soft kiss to the tip and then looked up, delighting in Levi’s desperate expression:
brows pinched, jaw loose, eyes closed. “Please what?”

“Please … your mouth … ”

He felt Levi’s hands rake into his hair, twisting, pulling, but not pushing down. It shouldn’t have
been a surprise that Levi would be respectful even in such an intimate situation, but Erwin still
found himself noting it anyway. He has good manners. His tongue traced another circle, and the
hands in his hair tightened.

Gradually, working up and down, he began to take Levi into his mouth, then throat. With each
movement, he listened to Levi’s catching breath, felt the hip muscles twitch wildly beneath his
fingertips. Each hint of appreciation made his head swim. He felt as if he were the one receiving
the attention, not giving it. When he finally pushed all the way to the base, Levi cried out, and
Erwin echoed him with a muffled cry of his own.

Part of him wanted to enjoy this first exploration for hours, discovering every taste and scent and
texture, but instinct began to drive him forward. His hand rose to join his mouth, and he fell into a
steady rhythm. His ears strained for aural cues, using them to adjust his tempo.

Levi gripped his hair hard enough to hurt, goosebumps erupting across his skin. His legs wrapped
around Erwin’s body, his toes curling into Erwin’s calves.

He’s close. Not quite ready to end things, Erwin slowed his pace, then released him to nuzzle and
explore with his tongue again. His partner’s cries were starting to blur together, curses and
begging, and it was so hot, so hot, Erwin’s groin ached. He was tempted to push things further, to
stand up and thrust into Henrik’s mouth, just once—

Henrik?

His stomach dropped. The room began to tilt.

He looked up and saw Levi’s face, felt his toes on his calf, Henrik’s toe sliding along his calf as
they rolled on the bed, Henrik’s toes black and stiff and flames licking along them, the scent of
burning flesh still in Erwin’s hair no matter how many times he washed it, Henrik’s— Levi’s dead
hand clawing for him from the funeral pyre, Levi’s head cracking between the titan’s teeth …

The world heaved; he stumbled backwards, gasping for air.

Levi’s eyes snapped open. “Erwin?”

The word echoed, distorted, wrapped around Erwin’s lungs. “Excuse me,” he rasped, and he
staggered to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The reflection in the mirror was wide-eyed
and white. A corpse, he looked like a corpse. Darkness tightened around him like a noose.

What the hell is this? he demanded of himself, feeling as if he were outside his body, watching the
scene play out . You were done mourning him. You were hanging on to a ghost of a memory.
You’ve moved on.

He breathed slowly in and out, trying to regain control of his renegade lungs, but they betrayed
him, his breath escaping in a quiet sob.

With shaking hands, he filled the basin and splashed cold water on his face. He rubbed his eyes
hard, the wounded one smarting, and he welcomed the pain, using it to try to ground himself.

There is a trusting, beautiful, aroused firebrand of a man waiting out there for you, and you’re
fucking it up.

Get out there and fix this.

He took a deep breath and held it, willing his racing heart to slow.

Levi shoved a hand through his hair, eyes on the closed bathroom door. He wasn’t sure what to do.
Knock on the door? Wait for him to come back? Dress and leave?

Erwin’s expression was frozen in his mind: he had looked up at him in utter fear, as if he had been
a stranger—no, worse than that. As if Levi had been the face of death. He tried not to take it
personally. After all, he had promised patience, and setbacks were to be expected. He tried to
remember how hard it had been to start being intimate again after his first boyfriend had died.

But he was taking it personally. That one terrified look seemed to bring to life all his fears about
being insufficient: He saw through me . He regrets me.

“ Dammit.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Most likely, the best thing to do was give Erwin
some space. He would pull on his clothes, and slip out the door, and they could talk about this
later, when they had both had time to process everything.

Before he could move, the bathroom door opened, and Erwin stepped into the room. His eyes were
dull, his skin pale, and a damp swath of hair was plastered to his forehead.

He looks like shit. Levi’s hurt feelings dissipated, concern taking their place. “You okay?”

“This isn’t fair to you, Levi. I can’t ask you to put up with my baggage.” Erwin sounded tired, his
voice cracking.

Levi cocked his head to the side, an invitation to sit beside him. Erwin swallowed hard, then joined
him, the bed shifting with his weight. Their thighs were almost touching, their hands close, almost
identical to their postures the night they had held hands for the first time. If I reach across and hold
his hand right now, will it be comforting, or pressuring?

He erred on the side of caution, folding his arms over his chest instead. “You haven’t been with
anyone since Henrik died, have you?”

“I have,” Erwin said, but the word ended on the wrong tone, as if there were more to it, and Levi
read between the lines: I’m the first dick he’s had in his mouth since then.

It all made sense now. Erwin still associated giving head with Henrik, and nothing since then had
given him any reason not to, so he had inadvertently stirred up forgotten memories. Levi felt a pang
of compassion. Once, when he was much younger, he had been in a similar situation, only he had
handled it with far less grace. His partner at the time had patiently helped him heal. Now it was his
turn. He wasn’t sure how to help, exactly, but he would try. Trying to comfort Erwin was probably
a good start.
He turned and pulled the covers down, then crawled into the bed and held out a hand. Erwin
hesitated.

“Trust me,” Levi said. “I won’t try anything.”

After a moment, Erwin clasped his hand.

Levi pulled him into the bed, then guided him to curl up on his side, pulling his head down to rest
on Levi’s chest. Once they were settled, he pulled the covers over them and wrapped his arms
around his Commander in a gentle hug—not too tight. He didn’t want him to feel trapped.

“I can hear your heartbeat,” Erwin said, sounding more like a frightened boy than the mastermind
of humanity’s future. He shifted his cheek against Levi’s chest, as if settling in. “My memories are
blurring. I keep superimposing your face onto Henrik’s death.”

“You hear my heart, right?” Levi said. “It’s still beating.”

“I can’t trust my own mind.”

For someone who was constantly analyzing everything around him, being unable to trust his own
mind must be hellish. Feeling protective, Levi tightened his embrace.

“You asked me if I was replacing Henrik with you,” Erwin continued. “How can I say I’m not if
I’m confusing the two of you in my mind like this? If I reach for your name and get his, or if I
reach for his memories and get you … ” He trailed off.

The statement surprised Levi, because it indicated a lack of experience with serious relationships;
otherwise, Erwin would understand that memories, faces and names sometimes blurred when one
relationship ended and another began. He had expected Erwin to be a confident lover with dozens
of long-term love affairs under his belt—a handsome man with such a dominant air would have no
trouble finding a partner. It’s by choice, he realized, remembering how Erwin admitted to putting
his mission above all else. He chose titans over love, every single time. Except Henrik. Except me.

He gently combed the blond hair, trying to soothe him. “It’s normal to mix up faces and names at
first. It’s not the same thing as replacing someone. People get used to patterns, and it takes awhile
to adapt to a new one. That’s all it is.”

“So you’re saying this is going to happen again,” Erwin said quietly. “I’m going to keep getting
confused and flash back to worse times.”

Levi wasn’t sure how to answer. More than that: he wasn’t sure how that made him feel. He had
always thought of Erwin as someone above him, someone who had mastered his mind and body. It
was disconcerting to see him so undone, especially knowing their intimacy was what had triggered
it.

They lay there in silence, Erwin’s head on Levi’s chest, Levi smoothing his hair. After several
minutes, in unspoken unison, their free hands drifted toward each other and intertwined. It felt
natural, one large hand and one small, their fingers so easily fitting into the spaces between the
others’. That’s how we work, thought Levi. We fit together. We’re both screwed up in some ways,
strong in others, and our strengths fit each other’s weaknesses. He wasn’t sure if that was love, or
just the fondness that came with a close professional partnership, or both, but whatever ran between
them, it was deep enough that it would take more than one panicked incident to shake Levi’s
confidence.

Decisively, he pressed a kiss into the golden hair. “How are you feeling?”
There was a pause. “Ashamed.”

“You still have my patience and my respect, Erwin. I want you to know that.”

Erwin rolled onto his stomach to study him, settling his hands and chin on Levi’s chest. “Thank
you,” he said solemnly.

Neither of them looked away, and Levi found himself drawn into the blue irises: dark perimeters,
pale blue fibres that darkened again toward the pupils. He felt as if he were standing by the edge of
a lake on a sunny day, staring into the bottom, the textures accentuated by rippling beams of light.

Tentatively, he reached out a hand and smoothed a blond eyebrow with his thumb. The brow was
taller than his thumbnail, so thick that it felt more like wiry dog fur than a human brow; it tapered
to a sharp point too soon. The abrupt sharpness complemented the strong curve of his nose and the
severe cheekbones. When Levi had first spotted Erwin swooping through the city with his gear, he
had likened him to a bird of prey.

The blue eyes searched his. “Levi, am I pushing my luck if I try to kiss you after everything I’ve
put you through today?”

“Go ahead.”

Erwin shifted up the bed to close the gap between their faces. The motion brought his body onto
Levi’s, and Levi suddenly remembered they were both naked under the covers. Blood began to
rush to his cheeks and his groin, and he cursed himself. Getting turned on now was inappropriate.

Erwin, however, seemed oblivious. Their lips pressed innocently together. When he pulled away,
his eyelids were low, and there was colour on his cheeks. A lock of blond hair was still loose on
his forehead; Levi reached up to smooth it back into place. All this eye contact was giving him an
idea.

“You know, Erwin,” he said, “if you’re ever worried about getting confused about who you’re in
bed with, you just have to keep your eyes on me the whole time. It’s not like you can get mixed up
if you’re watching me.”

“That’s a good idea,” Erwin said, sounding intrigued.

Levi shrugged it off, but he was already picturing Erwin between his legs, sharp gaze boring
through him, unrelenting, and he was shocked by how much the idea turned him on. His breaths
began to accelerate; he had been close to orgasm twice already that morning without getting off,
and his body wasn’t letting him forget it.

Knock it off, he told himself. Do you want him to have another panic attack? Don’t even think
about pushing too fast. He stretched his legs, hoping the motion would release some of the restless
energy building in his muscles.

Erwin studied him. “When I was first learning to ride a horse as a boy, I had a bad fall. As soon as I
was well enough, my father tried to encourage me to start riding again. He told me that the longer I
waited, the more my mind would exaggerate the risks, making it into an insurmountable ordeal. I
wish I had listened. After that, I couldn’t so much as look at a horse without panicking, until I
joined the Trainee Corps and was forced to learn to ride.”

Levi tried to read him and, as usual, failed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I feel like leaving things on a sour note now would encourage a needless rift to build between us,
one that would be harder to overcome if we waited.”

“You want to try again?” Levi asked, not sure he was understanding.

“You must be quite pent up by now. I’d like to try a little something with the oil I bought, if you’re
comfortable giving me another chance.” There was a vulnerable crack in Erwin’s expression, a
little crease by one eyebrow.

“Okay,” Levi said casually, as if his heart wasn’t thudding in his chest. “Keep your eyes on me the
whole time.”

The vulnerable crease smoothed, and Erwin forward for another kiss, deeper this time. Then he
swung his legs over the edge of the bed and bent down, digging through the shopping bag on the
ground. When he returned, he had the small bottle in his hand. He lay on his side, and Levi did the
same, facing him. He watched as Erwin pooled oil in his broad palm.

“You’ll be okay,” Levi said, half statement, half question.

The sharp eyes locked onto him. “While I’m doing this, Levi, I want you to look at me. I want to
see your face.” His gaze was intense, almost intimidating.

Fuck, that’s hot. Levi bit the inside of his cheek, meeting his gaze head-on.

A slick hand caught him off guard, gripping him between the legs. He tilted his head back and
cried out.

“Levi, look at me,” Erwin said.

Stunned by the authority in his voice, Levi obeyed. When he had suggested eye contact, he hadn’t
meant to tip the control completely in his partner’s favour. He felt a surge of rebellion: no one
ordered him around, especially in bed.

But he should play along for now. Control was comforting for Erwin, and under the circumstances,
he certainly needed to feel safe.

Besides, Levi didn’t want to admit it, but it felt curiously good to hand control to his partner, better
than he could have guessed. As Erwin began to stroke him, he felt his eyes flutter, and he struggled
to keep them open. The struggle was worth it just to see the hard light in those blue irises. He looks
determined, like he’s trying to conquer me . Power-tripping asshole.

Then Erwin shifted, pressing flat against his body. His grip changed; heat blistered between them,
and it took Levi a moment to realize what was happening: he’s jerking off both of us with one hand.
He lifted the covers to look, vaguely aware that a string of curses were slipping from his lips, but
too euphoric to care.

“Levi, look at me.”

Ignoring the command, he tilted his hips to get a deeper angle, enthralled by the sight of the two of
them moving together. Fucking shit, that’s hot.

“ Levi,” Erwin said sharply.

“Fuck you.” The words slipped out before Levi could stop them. Embarrassed, he looked up,
expecting disapproval, but he found a smirk instead. He didn’t have time to interpret it; Erwin
lunged in for a deep, rough kiss. Levi bit into his tongue, wrapping a leg around him, raking a hand
down his chest. He wanted to be as close to him as possible, closer, he wanted to be inside him.

Erwin broke the kiss, gasping, “Touch me.”

That was a command Levi was happy to obey. He drove his hand between them, closing over
Erwin’s, feeling the two of them slide together through their joint grip.

“Fuck!” burst Erwin. Now he was watching their hands too, his face flushed and strained.

Panic began to rise in Levi’s chest. He wasn’t going to be able to hang on, not with this frenzy of
oiled hands and tangled limbs and thrusting hips. He lunged forward and kissed Erwin hard, and
their moans began to rise together.

He felt Erwin cry his name into his mouth. A spasm rippled through his body, and his toes curled,
and waves of white light flooded his groin, his mind.

Then there was perfect stillness, his ears ringing.

When he finally remembered to breathe, he opened his eyes. Erwin’s cheek was on the pillow
beside him, eyes closed, expression soft. Levi studied him, his entire body glowing. In a strange
way, he was proud of him.

“Is there a handkerchief somewhere around here?” He sat up to examine the damage, then
grimaced. “Disgusting. You’re going to need to wash these sheets.”

A blue eye opened. “You can use the hand towel in the bathroom.” The eye closed again. A
moment later, Erwin’s breaths were slow and even, as if he had fallen asleep. Levi was tempted to
join him. They still had a few hours to kill, and it might be nice to nap together, even if the sheets
were filthy.

He carefully climbed over him. Once he was standing, he paused for a moment, watching Erwin
sleep. His face looked even more handsome with mussed hair and flushed cheeks, though maybe
the afterglow was tainting Levi’s opinion. The fondness building in his chest was so warm that it
was almost nauseating.

Standing, he began to move toward the bathroom.

As he passed the desk, his eyes locked onto the garbage bin, where Erwin had thrown the torn
letter. The warmth drained from Levi’s body. From here, he could clearly see the Wallist
letterhead, and it certainly didn’t look like a business flyer.

He glanced back at Erwin and, judging that he was still unconscious, bent over and plucked the
papers from the bin. The looping script was difficult to read, and as he struggled through it, his
eyes widened. He glanced back at the sleeping man.

Is he a Wallist? Has he cut ties, or is he in league with them somehow? He thought of the fanatical
worshippers, of their protests against scouting missions and staunch opposition to upgrading the
walls. They were one of the biggest thorns in humanity’s side.

It wasn’t his place to judge—if anyone understood that good people could come from bad places,
it was Levi—but he felt his heart pounding anyway.

Stop it, he told himself . This is Erwin Smith, the man who’ll be humanity’s key to freedom. He
doesn’t have any shady motives.
Determined not to have his confidence shaken, he set the papers back in the bin, then continued to
the bathroom.

His eyes went immediately to the pump shower by the tub. He had heard of the contraptions, but
never seen one in person: a way to clean oneself without sitting around in one’s own filth. He was
tempted to try it out, but he couldn’t figure out how it worked. Maybe another time.

After he had cleaned up, he brought a hand towel back for Erwin. Rolling the slumbering man onto
his back, he mopped up his abdomen. “There, it’s better than nothing.”

“Thank you,” Erwin mumbled, barely conscious.

Levi crawled into the other side of the bed, then grimaced as Erwin tried to spoon behind him.
“Stop that. You’re all sticky.”

“Hm. Hold me, then.” Erwin lazily rolled onto his other side.

Feeling a bit ridiculous, Levi pressed against Erwin’s back, reaching up and over the broad rib
cage. He kept forgetting about their size difference until moments like this brought them into sharp
contrast. He thought back to their earlier conversation about size differences, still concerned. If I
try to fuck him, I’ll look like a dog humping a horse.

Well, they’d worry about that when they got to it. At this rate, there was plenty of time to figure it
out.

Once he had settled in, he laid a soft kiss at the base of Erwin’s neck, and his eyelids began to grow
heavier.

As drowsiness settled over him, everything seemed simpler. His worries were petty. This warmth,
this closeness, was what mattered.

I don’t care where you came from, Erwin, he thought, his eyes closing. I don’t care if anything we
do looks ridiculous, or if we have to wait a year before you’re okay with fucking, or if you need me
to coax you through everything we do together, one step at a time. I will follow you.

He snuggled closer, and his lips lifted into a smile.

 Passage
Chapter Notes

Your reviews are my fuel, and your recommendations get more eyes on this story,
which is invaluable to a fanfic author, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!
:)

Previous chapter: suit shopping, Erwin's home, breakdown and smut.

-9-

Passage

“You should dance with him,” Hange said. “At the gala.”

Levi was tempted to drop his end of the heavy trunk and force Hange to carry it alone. Instead, he
effected his best glare. “Think about how that would look.”

“It wouldn’t be that unusual. I’ve seen men dancing with other men before.”

“Use your brain, idiot. I meant because he’s my Commander. I told you—”

“Stairs coming up behind you.”

He turned his head to navigate. “I told you, nothing’s going to happen between him and me, and
I’m fine with it, so drop it.” His voice strained as he struggled down the steps toward the main
gate, where a carriage—and Erwin—would await. He wasn’t sure what Erwin had packed to make
the trunk so heavy, but he was beginning to regret offering to move it.

“You aren’t fine with it,” Hange insisted, discussing the sensitive topic far too loudly. “You two
barely look at each other anymore. How can you carry on a professional relationship if you’re both
pining, pent-up, and lonely?”

With an exaggerated sigh, Levi jerked the trunk forward.

Hange stumbled. “That wasn’t nice. I’m helping you carry this thing out of the kindness of my
heart, even though it’s way too heavy for me. You should’ve asked Mike for help if you were too
grumpy to chat.”

“Mike’s getting last-minute orders from Erwin.” While they were at the Capital, Squad Leaders
Mike and Berit would be in charge. Levi predicted there would be a lot of drinking and slacking
off; he hoped they wouldn’t return to find the barracks coated in vomit and filth.

“You have an overnight ride in a very private carriage—” began Hange.

“Look, just shut up, all right? It’s not going to happen. We’ll figure out our professional
relationship and all that. Just give us time.” He made a mental note that their attempts to act
normally around each other weren’t convincing. Maybe we were overcompensating and came off
too cold.

They approached the carriage and dropped the trunk into the luggage hold. Levi had to admit that,
just as Hange had said, the carriage would be private. It had proper doors, and curtains hung in the
windows.

He shifted his stance, trying to vent nervous energy without betraying just how excited he was. He
and Erwin hadn’t had the occasion to be together in private since the trip into town two days
earlier. He had tried to visit Erwin late the previous night, but found him working with Berit to
revise the training schedule for the new recruits. Though he tried his best to stay up and check
again a few hours later, he had fallen into a dead sleep until morning.

At least this morning, they had managed to sneak in a few quick kisses after the weekly Squad
Leader meeting. That’s when Erwin had informed him they were staying at a hotel near the
ballroom instead of the Military Police barracks, sharing a single room.

“Won’t that make people suspicious?” Levi had asked, confused.

“No,” Erwin had replied. “Shadis did the same on occasion with me and Anke. Everyone will just
assume it’s for convenience reasons.”

“So is it?”

“Partly.” His Commander had bent down to nibble his ear, making Levi’s pulse rise. “Also, I
promised you I would reward you for wearing a suit.”

“Oh. Didn’t you already do that the other day?”

“I didn’t get a chance to finish what I started. Not the way I wanted to, at least.”

“Still ended pretty fucking well.”

Erwin had given a low hum of agreement in his ear, then they had exchanged one last kiss and
parted ways.

“Levi,” Hange said, trying to attract his attention. “You alright?”

He blinked, remembering where he was. “Yeah. Go bug Mike or something. And tell Erwin to
hurry his ass up.”

“You’re welcome for the help with the trunk. I’m telling you, dance with him at least once. And
watch your mouth around the nobles, shorty.” Reaching over, Hange ruffled his hair.

“‘Shorty?’ What the hell?” He ducked away, smoothing his hair back into place.

As Hange was leaving, Erwin entered the courtyard, flanked by Mike and Berit. He was still
explaining something to them, a hand on each of their shoulders. Levi shifted his stance again,
pulse rising at the sight of him.

Once the conversation ended, Erwin approached him. His smile was bright, gleaming in the late
evening sun. “Sorry to keep you waiting, Levi. Everything’s packed and ready to go?”

“Yeah. What the hell did you pack in that trunk?”

“Ammunition.”
Levi scrutinized him and, finding no tell on his face, said, “Literally, or—?”

Erwin only smiled and began to walk toward the driver, but Levi wasn’t letting him off that easily.
“No, don’t be a mysterious asshole about this. I’ve had bad luck with live rounds lately.”

“It’s not literally ammunition. You go ahead and get seated.” Erwin nodded at him, then leaned
closer to the driver and began to give instructions.

Warily, Levi opened the door and stepped into the carriage. His hair just barely skimmed the roof,
and he struggled against a squeeze of claustrophobia. He wasn’t a good traveller—not by carriage,
at least. Memories lurked just below the surface, carefully repressed for more than a decade, and
being boxed inside a carriage was too familiar, too confining.

He took a long breath and slowly released it. The grip around him lessened, and the memory sank
into the depths of his mind where it belonged.

Feeling a bit more at ease, he inspected the interior. The benches were padded. Flaps on the doors
flipped out between them to create two makeshift beds lengthwise along the carriage. The beds
would be easily long enough for him, but Erwin might be a little cramped.

He dropped onto a bench and waited. A minute later, Erwin stepped into the carriage, closed the
door and locked it. Levi felt a wave of panic, but took several slow breaths. It’s okay. You’re in
here with Erwin. You’re safe.

“ The driver has orders to travel straight through until morning.” Erwin lit the lamp that jutted from
the wall, then drew the curtains. “If you need any rest stops, tug on the bell cord to alert him. I
tucked some water canisters under the benches, as well as some dried fruit.” He took off his jacket
and hung it from a hook on the door.

Two days apart had sharpened Levi’s libido. He eyed Erwin’s uniform; he had seen the leather
straps on hundreds of soldiers, but Erwin wore them better than anyone. His high-collared white
shirt was neatly pressed, and it must have been tailored, because it fit his body perfectly, just tight
enough to show the muscles of his chest and arms.

Levi pulled off his jacket, too, and hung it on a second hook. Erwin pulled the cord to ring the
driver’s bell, and the carriage rumbled as it began to move. They sat on opposite benches, watching
each other.

“So are you going to tell me about this heavy-as-shit ‘ammunition’ you had me lug downstairs?”
he asked.

Erwin pulled off his boots. The leather had a tendency to develop peculiar odours, but to Levi’s
relief, Erwin’s feet didn’t seem to smell. He takes good care of his uniform.

“ Erwin?” he prodded.

“One of the King’s tax chests.”

“What?” The chests they had retrieved from the silo had all been sent to the King in a shipment
two days prior, or so Levi thought. “Are you keeping it?”

“I’m just hanging on to it for now, waiting to see who kicks up a fuss about it. Someone knew that
money was there, and that someone will notice it missing. I have plans for it once we reach the
Capital.”
“So you’re pissing someone off until they get angry enough to come after you.”

Erwin smiled. “It isn’t elegant, I admit. It’s only one facet of the plan. According to Shadis, the
suggestion to visit this particular silo came from Captain Nile Dok of the Military Police. I expect
to see him at this gala, and I’m going to question him.”

“You mean interrogate him?” Levi asked, remembering his conversation with Hange when they
were stuck in the tree: I hear he used to pull strings for Shadis … Mike thinks it was through
blackmail and threats. Maybe even torture.

“No, I plan to ply him with liquor and get him talking. We were good friends once. I’m sure it
won’t take much persuasion to reconnect.” Erwin’s eyes lost focus, his face distant, and Levi was
surprised to feel jealousy burning in his chest.

“How close were you two, exactly?”

The blue eyes fixed on him. “Once upon a time, we were like brothers, but it must have been a
friendship of convenience, because when we went our separate ways, we lost touch.”

Levi wondered if he and Erwin qualified as a friendship of convenience, or if this connection

between them ran deeper than that. They certainly had different personalities and backgrounds, and
he wasn’t sure they would have become friends in any other context. If they were separated for a
long period of time, would their connection persist? He didn’t want to find out.

Casually, he stood, made his way across the swaying carriage, and flopped to a seat next to him.
Levi removed his boots, then stood them neatly in the corner, getting comfortable.

Erwin draped a hand across his shoulders and pulled him in close. “There are other aspects of this
business with Nile, as well as the gala itself, that I’d like to discuss with you, but we have another
twelve hours of travel to go over the details, and there’s more pressing business to attend to.”

“Like what?” Levi asked, turning to look at him.

“Like the fact that it’s been two full days since we had some privacy.” Erwin trailed his fingertips
along Levi’s jaw, and then, without warning, lunged, his mouth covering Levi’s.

Levi let out a low groan, his eyes fluttering closed. A persistent tongue slid between his lips until
they parted, then plunged deep into his mouth as a hand began to move up his thigh.

This level of aggression was unexpected, especially after Erwin’s breakdown last time they were
alone. Gasping for air, Levi pulled back. “You’re grabby today.”

“Is it too much?” His eyelids were heavy. “I can’t stop thinking about how you felt in my mouth. I
came to your room last night intending to service you, but you were already asleep, and it was too
late to wake you.”

Levi’s brain froze somewhere between the titillation of the image and the awkwardness of the term
‘service’, and the hand advancing up his leg wasn’t helping him focus. Struggling for words, he
said, “Wake me next time. Screw sleep. Your mouth is better.”

“Noted for the future.” Erwin’s roving hand settled firmly between his legs, thumb running circles
over the fabric.

Trying to keep pace, Levi’s hand went straight for Erwin’s groin, and his breath caught when he
discovered how aroused he was. “Holy fuck, Erwin.”
“I haven’t had time to take care of myself since we met last.” He grabbed Levi’s arm and half-
pulled, half-lifted him toward his lap.

Happy to oblige, Levi straddled him. “No time? It takes a minute or two, doesn’t it?”

“I’ve been distracted.” Erwin grabbed Levi’s hips and clamped him down, grinding hard.

Levi tossed his head back. Even fully-clothed, it felt good to rub against each other like this. He felt
lips on his neck, then by his ear.

“What about you, Levi?”

The friction building between his legs, at once pleasurable and chafing, was so distracting that it
was difficult to form words. “What about me?”

“How many times since we last met?” There was a desperate edge to the deep voice.

“None of your business, you pervert,” Levi said, testing him. Erwin’s fingers curled into his hips,
so hard that Levi expected them to leave bruises. “Ah, so you do like it when I insult you, don’t
you, you creep? Four. Four times.”

“Four times,” Erwin repeated. His grip still strong, he swapped places with Levi, pushing him to a
seat on the bench and kneeling between his legs. When he looked up, his blue eyes had the same
sharpness Levi remembered from their last encounter. “Were you thinking about me?”

“Yeah. I almost always do.”

Erwin lifted the skirt of Levi’s uniform, unbuckled the straps in his way, then began to undo the
fly. “What was I doing in this fantasy?”

Levi hesitated. “Erwin … ”

“If you’re willing. I want to learn more about what you like, and … ” The blue eyes fixed on him
again, showing a hint of vulnerability this time. “Hearing your voice will remind me that you’re
you.”

“Oh.” That made sense. It was important to stave off any accidental flashbacks to Henrik, and it
wasn’t like Erwin could keep eye contact the entire time from that position—not easily, at least.

Erwin tugged his underwear out of the way, then carefully wrapped his fingers around him. Levi
took a breath through clenched teeth, startled by the contrast of warm skin and the cool evening
air. Their eyes locked as his Commander took him into his mouth.

“Oh shit,” Levi whispered, transfixed by the sight. He could feel Erwin’s tongue working around
him.

Erwin pulled back to say, “Keep talking,” then reclaimed him.

“Shit.” Levi tenderly ran his knuckles along one of the angular cheekbones, impressed by his skill.
His mind was swimming, and he struggled to bring it into focus. Recalling fantasies wasn’t
difficult, because they were almost always the same. “I picture me walking in on you touching
yourself, sometimes in your office—”

Erwin trailed his tongue to the tip, then pulled away to say, “Pick a specific fantasy and tell me in
detail.”
“Okay— Ah, fuck!” His eyes squeezed shut and he bent forward, his fingers clawing into Erwin’s
hair. “Your mouth is so warm.”

Erwin hummed his approval, the sound reverberating through Levi and sitting in his abdomen,
glowing with heat.

“I … ” He forced his eyes open and saw Erwin looking up at him, mouth and hands still working.
“Fuck, that’s hot. That’s how you looked at me, right there. When I came into your office. You
were wearing your harness, your boots, your pendant and nothing else, and … ” He shuddered as
he felt Erwin take him deep into his throat. The rattle of the carriage vibrated through him, adding
texture to the stimulation. “Oh shit, Erwin, I can’t—”

He pulled away again. “What did we do?” He reached out to grab Levi’s wrist and kissed the back
of his hand, and then Levi’s finger was inside his mouth, a hot tongue swirling around it.

“You fucking tease.” Levi gave a low, frustrated groan. “You were lying on the desk jerking off,
your ass hanging over the end, and your legs spread when you saw that I was there.” His sentence
ended in a sharp breath as Erwin bent down and engulfed him again, but this time, Levi’s finger
was still in his mouth. Now he could feel everything with his fingertip as it happened: the thrusting
motion, the slippery skin, the tongue working with so much enthusiasm. It was too much
stimulation, too much information to process. Levi’s eyes closed, his breaths coming hard and
quick.

“I started fucking you,” he managed. “I started fucking you so hard, and you were yelling my
name.”

The tongue stopped moving for a moment, the mouth still.

Levi cried out and began to thrust, desperate for the stimulation to continue. A moment later, Erwin
began to move again, and Levi yanked his hand free of his mouth.

“Erwin,” he warned. “I’m … ” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He vaguely heard himself yell, felt
the vibration of Erwin’s encouraging moans, and he doubled over, overcome. When he at last was
able to open his eyes, sparks danced in his vision.

Erwin tucked him carefully back into his underwear and did up his fly, tugging the skirt back into
place. He was carefully avoiding looking up, and Levi’s glow dimmed. Is he having bad memories
again? His mind paced through the past few minutes, trying to figure out what could have upset
him. His heart sank as he remembered the exact moment when Erwin had hesitated. Shit.

“You okay?”

Erwin sat on the bench beside him. “Of course.” There was an intake of breath, as if he were about
to speak, but nothing followed.

“You didn’t think I’d want to fuck you,” Levi said flatly. “Right? You thought I’d want to be
fucked by you.”

There was a pause. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“You and Henrik, who did the—”

“Usually me. Not always, but usually. It doesn’t matter.” Erwin glanced at him. “It’s fine, just
unexpected.”
Defensiveness rose in Levi’s throat, pinching his voice: “Unexpected because I’m small, right?
Everyone expects the short man to take it.”

“No, because you’re obsessed with cleanliness. I didn’t think you would be interested in putting a
part of yourself into a potentially unclean area of the body.” Erwin’s cheeks were dark, and he
shifted, looking uncomfortable.

“No, I’m obsessed with being clean, so I don’t want someone else to be inside my— Look, it
doesn’t matter.” Levi twisted to look up at Erwin and searched his eyes, looking for a hint of
discomfort. He didn’t find any, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. “Does this fuck things up?”

“No,” Erwin said earnestly. “It’s fine. All I care about is that I can physically express the way I
feel about you—the method doesn’t matter.”

“The way you feel about me?” Levi asked, curious how, exactly, he would define it.

Erwin’s face turned an even darker shade of red; he cleared his throat and looked away.

Say it , thought Levi, but it was probably too soon. This was all too new. He wasn’t sure how to put
it into words yet, himself, but he could put it into action. He could show his gratitude that Erwin
was so considerate, so flexible.

He dropped to the floor, kneeling between Erwin’s legs.

“I’m going to touch you,” he announced, looking up for any hint of hesitation on Erwin’s face.
“Stop me if you need to. Remember to keep your eyes on me.” He lifted the skirt and undid the
straps and buttons. For a moment, he grazed the hard length with his fingertips. He had never had
the opportunity to look at him before, not this close.

“See what you do to me?” Erwin asked quietly.

He did, and the sight of it was making his feral side rise. He licked his palm to dampen it in
preparation, holding eye contact, playing up the lewdness of the gesture.

Erwin’s throat bobbed. “You’re much more vulgar in bed than I imagined.” It was delivered as a
compliment, and Levi felt his ears warm.

“So what did you imagine?” he asked, reaching forward to grip him.

“I don’t know, exactly—” The words disintegrated into a low groan as Levi began to tease him
with an exaggerated milking motion.

“Not easy to talk while this is happening, is it?” Levi leaned closer, letting his breath slide across
the tip, but not touching it with his mouth. Not without permission. “Tell me one of your fantasies,
Erwin.”

“Levi—”

“Be specific.” His grip began to move with purpose.

“Fucking you in an alleyway,” Erwin gasped. “The other day, I wanted to fuck you in the
alleyway.”

It was still strange to hear him swear so openly, and Levi was tempted to press it by teasing him
some more. He released him, his fingertips slowly trailing the length. “Do you like to fuck hard,
Erwin? Or slow?”

“Slowly at first, then—” He let out a groan as Levi’s fingertip traced circles around him, and his
head began to loll.

“Hey, none of that.” Levi gripped his chin and tilted it, forcing Erwin to look down at him. “You
have to look at me, remember?”

The blue eyes were glazed. “Use your mouth.”

A pleasant shock spiked through Levi’s body. “You’re sure?”

“I need your mouth.”

Eagerly, Levi leaned forward, closing the distance between them. The second his tongue touched
skin, he forgot about keeping Erwin talking, or making him swear, or everything except that taste,
that glowing heat against his tongue. He knew he should be putting in effort to make this moment
special—this was probably the first mouth around him since Henrik died—but Levi felt hurried,
like lingering would give Erwin time to second-guess everything. He moved aggressively, using
his hand, encouraged by the rumbling groans he heard above him.

Then Erwin gasped his name, and blood rushed to Levi’s head. That’s it. Let go, he thought, dizzy.
The name repeated, then again, then began to alternate with oh fuck , a rhythmic chant that
matched his breaths, rising in pitch.

Levi chanced a look up, and the strain he saw on the face was so beautiful, the skin glowing pink,
the sharp angles smoothed by the squinted eyes and clenched jaw. Their eyes locked.

Erwin cried out, his head tossing back to expose his beautiful throat.

This is where Levi would usually pull away, but he forced himself to ignore his revulsion, because
if Erwin was going to make sexual compromises to be together, then so would he. He was
surprised by how easy it was to stay with him until the end, by how close to Erwin it made him
feel, as if he were carrying him through it instead of just being a passive observer.

The last cry faded from Erwin’s lips, and his head fell forward, eyes closed.

So beautiful, thought Levi, overwhelmed, as he finally broke away.

The blond eyelashes parted, and a hand reached for Levi’s jaw, tracing it with a feather-light touch.
Feeling a little emotional, Levi swallowed hard; he saw Erwin do the same.

“I need to kiss you,” Erwin said, hoarse.

“My breath—”

“I don’t care.”

Levi stood and leaned forward, their lips touching. There was no hunger in this kiss, just softness.
He could taste himself on Erwin, and surely the reverse was true, but that didn’t matter, nothing
mattered but this man and his gentle lips.

When Levi pulled away, their gaze held. Erwin was looking at him with wonder, his eyes glassy.

I’ve fallen too hard, thought Levi . I’m lost. I knew you would show me freedom, but not like this. It
had never hit him this early, never this hard.
He leaned forward for another kiss, his heart soaring. I love you.

Erwin sat on the makeshift bed with his legs extended in front of him. Levi’s head was on his lap,
stretched out perpendicular to him along the bench. Erwin combed the dark hair, enjoying the
comfortable silence between them. There were still plans to discuss, but the post-orgasm haze was
taking a while to leave his body. He wasn’t sure what had left him the most dazed: the feeling of
Levi’s mouth, or the way he had looked up at him when it was all over. Smiling, he trailed his
knuckles behind Erwin’s ear.

“What are you grinning about?” Levi asked.

“Just enjoying this shared moment of peace.”

“Speaking of things you enjoy … ” Levi’s eyes fixed on him. “Why do you like it so much when I
insult you?”

“What?”

“When we’re fooling around. You get turned on by me insulting you.”

“I don’t know that I necessarily—” Heat rose to Erwin’s cheeks as he reconsidered his own words.
Levi’s observation wasn’t wrong. “There’s a certain coarseness to your character that I find
appealing, and maybe a degree of challenge.” Too embarrassed to analyse himself any further, he
cleared his throat. “We have some business to discuss.”

Levi’s brows dropped. “Really? Now?”

“It can wait a little while if you’d like to lay here for a bit longer.”

“If I do, I’ll fall asleep.” Levi gave an abrupt sigh and sat up. “Feels like I’ve done nothing but
work since I got promoted.”

“I hope that doesn’t include the last half hour or so,” Erwin said lightly. “I’m afraid it’s all part of
being a Squad Leader. Work will be even more time-consuming when you’re a Captain.”

“Can’t you just give me a team and point me at things that need killing?”

“That’s not how the system works.”

“Well, maybe instead of trying to make me fit the system, you should make the system fit me.”

Erwin knew he was just being difficult, but on some level, the words made sense. Everything about
Levi was unconventional, from his training to his history with the Corps. Was forcing him into a
conventional role really the best way to benefit humanity?

“Let’s put that aside for now,” he said, making a mental note to think about it later. “I want to talk
to you about how our time in the Capital is going to play out.”

He began to relay their timetable. The carriage would pull up to their hotel around eight in the
morning, giving them time to settle in and unwind after their journey. At noon, they would take
their lunch at a restaurant opposite the Military Police barracks.

“Why so far out of the way?” Levi asked. “Aren’t there restaurants by the hotel?”
“There are,” Erwin said, “but we will have another task while we’re there. I’ll get to that in a
moment.”

After lunch, they would return to the room and dress in their uniforms. Commander-in-Chief
Zackly would swear in Erwin at the courthouse. After that, they would return to the hotel to change
into their formal wear, then head to the ballroom for the dinner and gala.

Levi gave a loud “tsk” and slumped into the corner, arms folding over his chest. “How long do I
have to stay at the gala?”

“Long enough to be noticed.”

“Meaning … ?”

“Meaning I may have a mission for you.” Erwin shifted to face him. “While we’re at lunch, we’re
going to scope out the exterior of the Military Police barracks. If my discussions with Nile at the
gala make me suspicious that he had ulterior motives when he gave us the information about the
silo, I’m going to ask you to retrieve the documents he used to determine which silo we should
target.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “You want me to break into the office of the Captain of the Military Police?”

“A tall order, I know. I can show you which window is his, and give you information about the
layout of the building. I may be able to obtain blueprints—”

“I don’t need blueprints,” Levi said flatly. “What happens if I’m caught?”

Why wouldn’t he need blueprints? thought Erwin, but he decided not to press it. “This can’t be
traced back to me, or it would reflect poorly on the entire Corps. You can’t get caught.”

They eyed each other for a moment.

“I get it,” Levi said, looking away. “If I get caught, we play it off like I returned to my
underhanded, criminal ways, and it had nothing to do with you. Would you like me to steal some
silver while I’m at it to add to my cover?”

Erwin sighed, the snarky tone not lost on him. “I wouldn’t ask this of you if I had options, Levi, but
you’re the only person I trust to do this task, should it be required. You’ve thwarted the Military
Police hundreds of times before, and your speed and specific skill set are assets for this mission.
The Military Police are going to become increasingly useful to our operations, and we need to
know if Nile will be an ally. Will you do it?”

“Shit.” Levi shook his head. “Yes, of course I’ll do it. But if they catch me and execute me, I’m
going to haunt you for the rest of your shitty life.”

“I won’t let them execute you. Believe me, Levi: so long as I’m still breathing, you will never be
executed.” The words were a little too strong, too honest, so he buried them: “We’ll be paying a
visit to Nile the next morning to put my ‘ammunition’ into play, so you can slip the file back into
place then. He’ll never know it was gone.”

For a few minutes, the only sound was the rattle of the carriage. Levi looked up at him. “Aren’t
you and Nile close friends? Can’t you just be up-front with him about all this?”

Erwin shrugged. “I need to verify that he’s still trustworthy.”

“Is this how you ‘trust’ people? Testing them? Sneaking around behind their backs?”

Their gaze held. Levi looked almost insulted, and Erwin, for all his ability to read people and
situations, couldn’t fathom what was on his mind. “I trust when evidence supports it. The fate of
humanity can’t rely on sentiment alone.”

“I hear you have a file on Hange.”

“I have a file on everyone.”

“Even me?” Levi asked, the insult deepening on his face: creased brows, pinched mouth.

Erwin hesitated.

“Be honest with me.” Levi leaned forward. “Have you been testing me? Are you researching me
behind my back?”

“No. Your file is nearly empty, Levi.” He took a slow breath, trying to word his feelings in a way
that was at once sincere, but not too imposing so early in their relationship. “I trust you
unequivocally.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve already tried to betray me, once upon a time, and you couldn’t go through with it.
And … ” He slid a hand along the bench, palm up: an offering. “I see the way you look at me with
absolute trust in your eyes. I see the way you follow me into battle, the way you accept missions
and requests with a combination of careful questioning and faith in my reasoning. I believe you
would follow me into hell if I asked you, but only if you, yourself, agreed that was necessary.
Blind trust can be turned, but your brand of trust, deep and considerate, is unmovable.”

Levi stared at his hand for a moment, then reached out, his hand closing over it. “You’d better not
ask me to follow you into hell.”

“One day, I might have to. I may even have to send you ahead of me, if the situation requires it.”

“You’re fucking morbid,” Levi said. “You know that?”

“So I’ve heard.” Erwin’s thumb slid across the back of the slender hand. “Our war is never far
from my mind.”

“I guess that’s a good thing for the rest of us.” Their hands rotated, fingers interlacing, and Levi
visibly shivered. “This is stupid.”

“What?”

“The way I get goosebumps from just touching your big dumb hand.”

“‘Big dumb hand,’” Erwin repeated, amused by his insistence on sounding tough even when they
had privacy. “I don’t think that’s how you would have described it about fifteen minutes ago.”

Levi’s cheeks turned crimson, and he pulled away. “Big dumb sticky hand.”

Erwin tried not to be offended, but his body was still sensitive, inside and out, from his orgasm.
“Why is my hand the sticky one? You were licking your hand and grabbing me.”

Now Levi lifted his own hand to examine it, nose wrinkled. He rummaged through his pocket and
pulled out a folded white handkerchief, then proceeded to rub his palms with it.

Erwin watched, face grim. This was the fastidious, paranoid behaviour he had expected when they
had first started becoming intimate, and he wondered why it had taken so many days to surface.
Why now? Something must be bothering him. Was it the new mission, or the gala itself, or the
morbid discussion? His stomach twisted with guilt.

“You okay?” he asked quietly.

Levi shrugged, still scrubbing at his hand. “I just want it to be this time tomorrow, so this bullshit
will be over with.”

“I’m sorry to drag you to this gala, Levi. I will spend some time rethinking what your role as
Captain will entail, but you should know that some level of formality and socializing will be a
requirement.”

“I know. I understood that climbing the ranks would involve bullshit.” Levi shook his handkerchief
over the ground, as if shaking out imaginary dirt, then folded it and put it neatly in his pocket.
“And speaking of bullshit, I asked Mike about what you were like when you were a trainee.”

“Oh?” The change of topic was so abrupt that Erwin’s brows rose. He wasn’t about to force the
uncomfortable conversation to continue, however, so he followed Levi’s train of thought. “And
what did he have to say?”

“He said you were short for a while, yeah, but he laughed at the idea of you being awkward like
you claim. Said you were charismatic and well-spoken.”

“Sounds like he’s remembering incorrectly,” Erwin said.

Levi leaned back against the wall, loosely gathering his knees in his elbows. “He said you used to
piss off him, Nile and Anke by attracting all the ladies whenever you went out to the bar in a
group.”

“It wasn’t intentional. I was usually in the corner with a book until I got drunk enough to have any
interest in socializing.” He smiled to himself, his training days far enough behind him now that
they were cloaked with nostalgia. “It’s a good thing you didn’t know me back then, Levi, or you
would have loathed me. Once I got a bit of drink in me, I was an arrogant little bastard. Used to
calmly provoke arguments and watch the chaos unfold, that sort of thing. Sometimes I would
subtly pit Nile and Mike against each other so I could play myself off as the calm mediator type
and impress their dates. Usually got away with it, but not always. This isn’t the first black eye Mike
has given me.”

Levi shook his head, something approaching a smirk playing on his lips. “So by ‘awkward’, you
meant you were an asshole.”

Erwin chuckled. “Perhaps.” His smile faded and, deciding to take a risk, he said, “What about you,
Levi?”

“What about me?”

“What were you like when you were younger?”

Levi looked down and shrugged. “Short and miserable. So, pretty much the same.”

“Are you miserable?” Erwin asked, his stomach dropping. He had suspected Levi wasn’t a happy
person, but ‘miserable’ was a strong word.

“Maybe.” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Humanity’s trapped in a festering hell-hole, and it
feels like we lose more ground every day. Most of my friends are dead, and my colleagues are
dying left and right. Aren’t we all miserable?”

Erwin didn’t respond. Now that he took a minute to consider his feelings, he realized that misery
wasn’t among them. As sick of it was, part of him liked the challenge of fighting against the titans:
it gave his life meaning. People are dying, and I have the nerve to enjoy the struggle? Maybe I’m
still an arrogant bastard after all.

“ It’s not always bad,” Levi. continued “I feel hope when I’m cutting through titan flesh. And … ”
His gaze drifted up to meet Erwin’s. “When I’m with you.”

Swallowing hard, Erwin shifted along the bench, reached over and pulled him into an embrace. He
closed his eyes, burying his nose in the dark hair.

Levi leaned into him. “Are you smelling me again? It’s like I’m cuddling with Mike.”

“You smell clean.” Erwin breathed in again, not caring how odd it might seem. “Forgive my
sentimentality, Levi. It hurts me to think of you being miserable, and to hear that I can help stave
that off, even a little … ” His arms tightened. “I feel considerable guilt about dragging you into this
miserable lifestyle. I never thought I might be helping you endure it.”

“Don’t feel guilty. My life was even worse before. I didn’t even realize how miserable it was, how
important petty things had become.” Levi nuzzled under his chin. “I was always angry, but I didn’t
understand why. I had no purpose, no meaning except to try to escape my shitty past.”

This was the closest he had come to acknowledging whatever had come after his aunt and before
his rise to a position of power in the Underground, and Erwin didn’t dare move, afraid that even
the slightest muscle twitch would frighten Levi away like a startled bird. He held his breath,
waiting.

“When I first struck out on my own,” Levi continued, his voice low and cracking, “I kept trying to
cram happiness into my life however I could. I slept around, drank too much, tried anything that
would give me a bit of a rush. I was a fucking wreck, a filthy, sad little wreck, and none of it
helped. Took me a few years to wake up and start straightening out my shit, but even when I
started taking better care of myself, I still had no purpose.

“That got better after I met you. The Survey Corps gives me purpose. Order. And … ” There was a
pause. “Erwin, I spent most of my life starved for respect, and you’re the first person who gave it to
me not because of violence, but because of who I am. I had no idea how good that would feel.” His
eyes narrowed. “Some people went so far as to try to strip my own self-respect, tried to whittle me
down to nothing.”

There was a long pause. Erwin said quietly, “I can’t have been the first who respected you. What
about your friends who joined the Corps with you?”

“They respected me because they had to. I was older than them, and more established than them
when we met—” The words halted, and Levi was silent.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said, understanding that their deaths were still fresh in his mind. Sometimes he
was so wrapped up in his own trauma that he forgot just how much Levi had endured. He had
impressive resilience, weathering tragedies that would have broken anyone else. Humanity’s
Strongest, indeed.

The thought reminded him of another topic to discuss. “Levi, there’s something I should warn you
about before we get to the Capital: it seems you’re becoming something of a celebrity.”

There was a long pause. “What?”

“Shadis said many of the new trainees knew your name, and they’re calling you Humanity’s
Strongest. You’re becoming a hero: a man who came from nothing, who’s as strong as an entire
squad. You’re giving people hope.”

Levi let out a dismissive scoff and pulled away. “Those brats don’t know a thing about me. I’m not
a fucking hero.” His eyes were glassy. “I need to go to sleep.”

“Very well.” Erwin studied him, sensing an abrupt mood shift. “Do you need the carriage to make
a stop before we rest?”

“No, I’m good. Never been a fan of shitting in the woods anyway.” Levi stood and, bracing himself
against the ceiling, dimmed the lamp. He pulled a blanket and pillow out of a compartment near
the back of the carriage, then sniffed them. Satisfied, he tossed them to Erwin. “A bit musty, but I
can still smell soap on them, so they should be clean.”

“Good.” Erwin laid out the pillow and blanket, then stretched out, rolling onto his side. “I think
there’s enough room here if you want to sleep on this side with me.”

Levi eyed the panel, wary. “Can that thing support both of us?”

“It’s sturdy.” He lifted up the covers as an invitation.

Levi crawled into place. The fit was tight, but so long as they spooned, they had enough room.
Erwin pulled the smaller man tightly against him, then kissed his temple.

“Comfortable enough?” he asked.

“It’ll do.” Levi yawned.

“We just need to weather it for tonight. We’ll share a real bed tomorrow night.” Erwin settled into
the pillow, debating whether or not he should ask the question on his mind. He didn’t want to push
Levi too hard when his mood was shifting, but the question seemed inoffensive enough. “Can I ask
you a question, Levi?”

“Sure.”

“When did you list me as your next of kin?”

“Oh.” Levi shrugged, as if it were no big deal. “When we got back to the base after my friends
died.”

“That soon?” He had expected it would have been after the next expedition, the one that had made
Levi break down in his office. “I thought you still hated me at that point.”

“I didn’t have anyone else to name. And like I said, you were the first person who ever freely gave
me their respect, so I respected you back. Besides, it’s not like I had anything important to my
name. I’ve left everything behind, so many times.”

Erwin thought of the little box of possessions, of the way Levi gave away most of his salary to help
a friend’s sister. His fingers curled into the fabric over Levi’s chest. I’ll make him my next of kin
when we get home. He can put my possessions to better use than anyone else.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” he said quietly. “You’ve endured so much in your life, and received so little in
return.”

There was a silence so long that Erwin thought he had fallen asleep, but then Levi’s hand tightened
around his. “Tell me everything’s going to be okay.”

His voice sounded so frail that Erwin’s stomach twisted. “I don’t understand.”

“Tell me everything’s going to be okay. I’ll believe you. Just tell me.”

“Levi, what’s wrong? You’re shaking.”

“I shouldn’t have started thinking about the person I used to be. Now I can’t stop remembering.”
Levi’s voice was small and tight. “Look, I’m not good with being boxed into a carriage like this.”

“Do you need to step outside? Would it help to talk through it?”

“No, just … tell me.”

Erwin wasn’t sure how to respond. He couldn’t say everything was going to be okay, not truthfully.
He had best guesses about how the future would play out, insight based on patterns, information
and human nature. What lay ahead for them was only strife. Change could not happen without
great sacrifice.

But that wasn’t what Levi needed to hear. He nuzzled the back of Levi’s neck. “Your past can’t
hurt you here, Levi, and whatever our future holds, we’ll face it together.” It was the best he could
promise.

Levi snuggled back against him and was quiet, but he was still trembling. Concerned, Erwin held
him close, hoping his presence would make Levi feel safe until they fell asleep.

A sharp moan startled Erwin awake.

Levi was twitching violently in front of him, whimpering under his breath. Nightmares. Such
things were commonplace in the Corps, but Erwin had never been sure of the best way to deal with
them. If he woke Levi now, it might disorient him. He tried to hold off, but each whimper and cry
jolted through him, and eventually, he couldn’t stand it anymore. This is my fault. I started him
talking about his past, and now he’s suffering.

He sat up and smoothed hair from the damp forehead. “Levi. It’s just a dream.”

Levi’s eyes snapped open.

Then Erwin was hurtling toward the floor; his back hit hard enough to knock the air from his
lungs. He gasped, stars swimming in his vision.

Levi barrelled at him, pinned him down, eyes and lips flared, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Levi,” Erwin wheezed, too scattered to process what was happening. Cold steel pressed against
his throat.
“Fuck you,” Levi screamed. “Tell me why I shouldn’t slit your throat right now, you fucking
psychopath!”

“Levi.” He struggled to regain his breath. “Levi, it’s me, Erwin.”

Slowly, Levi’s face shifted to recognition, then to horror. He staggered back. His knife clattered to
the floor.

Erwin sat up and hunched forward, trying to suck air into his lungs.

“Stop the carriage,” Levi said, his voice shaking.

“Levi—”

“Stop the carriage!”

Erwin struggled to his feet and pulled the cord to ring the driver’s bell. When he turned back to
Levi, he found him scrabbling at the door. The carriage slowed, then stopped. Levi tore open the
door and staggered into the darkness, then dropped to his knees.

The driver stepped into view, staring at Levi for a moment before he poked his head through the
doorway. “Everything okay, Commander?”

“A little motion sickness, that’s all. He’ll be fine in a minute. I’ll let you know when we’re ready to
depart.”

“Sir.” The driver bobbed his hat, gave one last wary glance at Levi, then left.

Erwin rubbed his trachea with one hand and picked up the fallen knife with the other. When he
tilted the knife, using it as a mirror, he saw that the skin on his neck was intact. He let out a small
sigh of relief.

Levi’s boots were scattered in the corner; he must have flown at them to retrieve his knife and then
tackled him. He moved so fast that I didn’t stand a chance. Erwin returned the knife to the secret
compartment in the right boot, then set them neatly upright. On his way to the door, he grabbed a
blanket and pulled on his boots.

When he stepped outside, Levi was still on his knees, facing away, his back shaking. The night air
was chilly, the sky above them clear and speckled with stars. They were between towns,
overlooking a meadow, and the view could have been romantic under different circumstances.
Erwin stepped into the brush, and a twig snapped under his feet.

Levi sniffled. “Go away.”

“I shouldn’t have gotten you talking about your past,” Erwin said quietly. “Especially when you
were already under so much stress. I should have known it would kick up bad memories.”

He heard another sniffle.

“Come back to the carriage, Levi.” Erwin stood behind him and draped the blanket over his
hunched form.

“I attacked you.”

“You were just disoriented because I woke you up in the middle of a nightmare. It’s okay.” It
wasn’t as okay as he was pretending. His hands were shaking. Seeing that much raw hatred on the
face of someone he trusted had been the most terrifying situation he had faced in years.

“Don’t look at me,” Levi said without turning around. “Please, just … I need a minute.”

“I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready.” Erwin returned to the carriage and sat on the bed.
With nothing left to do but wait, no actions to distract him, his emotions finally crashed down on
him. He leaned over the side of the bed, raking his hands into his hair. He didn’t mean to attack
you. He was dreaming , he told himself, over and over. To keep himself occupied, he tried to
analyse the words Levi had screamed, tried to deduce information about his mysterious past, but he
was too shaken.

A good ten or fifteen minutes passed before Levi returned. His eyes were downcast, his skin pale
and sweaty. Without looking up, he closed the door, locked the second bed into place, and dropped
onto it.

“Did I hurt you?” His voice was hollow.

“I’m fine. You just knocked the wind out of me a bit, that’s all.” Erwin pulled the cord to signal the
driver to continue on his route. “Are you okay?”

Levi shrugged, still not looking up. His shins were coated with mud, but he didn’t seem to care, and
the uncharacteristic disregard for his cleanliness broke Erwin’s heart.

“Do you still need space?” he asked gently.

Levi shrugged again, and Erwin interpreted it as a request. He sat beside Levi and gently rested a
hand on his knee.

“You still have my patience and my respect,” Erwin said, using the same words Levi had given
him during his breakdown a few days prior. “This doesn’t change anything.”

Levi didn’t reply, at first, but after a moment, he sagged sideways until his cheek rested on Erwin’s
chest. “Erwin?”

“Yes?”

“I would never hurt you. Not on purpose.” His voice wavered.

“I know.” Erwin closed his eyes. “It’s okay, Levi. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Levi’s arms tightened around him.

 History
Chapter Notes

Thank you so much for your lovely comments!

Previous chapter: Levi & Erwin ride the carriage to the Capital City, and romance and
drama ensue.

-10-

History

Levi awoke next morning to a cacophony of city sounds: merchants yelling, the murmur of a
crowd, the clattering wheels of nearby carriages. The curtains glowed with daylight, and the air
inside the carriage was warm and stuffy.

He had fallen asleep sitting up, slumped against Erwin. He pulled away and saw he had left a little
splotch of drool on Erwin’s shirt. Disgusting, he thought, wiping his damp cheek.

Erwin was still asleep, his head angled back against the wall. He’s going to have one hell of a neck-
ache if he’s been like that all night. Carefully, Levi pushed the sleeping man sideways until his ear
rested against the wall, aiming to give his poor neck a rest. Erwin stirred, but didn’t awaken. Levi
draped the blanket over him. He lingered for a moment, ashamed that he had attacked the only man
he had ever truly trusted. Erwin deserved to get a bit more rest after being so rudely awakened in
the night.

Levi lifted the corner of a curtain and peered out the window. The Capital. His eyes traced the
familiar landmarks as they passed, his stomach hollow. This city was the unattainable ideal he had
both loathed and aspired to for most of his life. He hadn’t been back since he had joined the Corps,
and he hoped that didn’t mean more memories, more nightmares.

The carriage approached the hotel, a building five stories tall, with ornate pillars lining its front and
colourful flower gardens along its borders. Levi’s eyes trailed up its floors, wondering how many
people from the Underground had ever stayed in accommodations this fancy.

The carriage stopped. Levi reached for his boots to pull them on, and his hand froze when he felt
the knife in the hidden pocket. He put it away for me after I tried to hurt him? Swallowing hard, he
pulled the boots on, covering the mud stains on his white pants and socks. As he put on his jacket,
he used his toe to gently tap the underside of Erwin’s foot. “Hey.”

His eyelids parted. “Good morning” He seemed so calm and alert that Levi wondered if he had
been faking sleep. Was he studying me, or avoiding me?

“We’re here.” Locking the padded bed flap back into place, Levi opened the carriage door. The
city sounds instantly amplified, and the stench of garbage, mud, perfumes and sweat slammed his
nostrils. Had the city always been this disgusting? The Underground, his true home, had to be even
worse. If not for Erwin, he would still be there, completely ignorant of the clean scent of forests
and open skies.

The driver greeted Levi, then began to lift the baggage out of the back compartment. He strained
with the trunk for a moment before Levi brushed him aside and lifted it out himself.

“Need help with that?” Erwin asked, stepping out of the carriage. His hair was fluffier than usual,
but other than that, he looked chipper and smart in his uniform, as if nothing either violent or
sexual had happened during the night.

“Sirs, I can take your things,” a voice said behind them. They turned to see a hotel employee
wheeling in a cart for the baggage. It was the first time a member of the public had ever called Levi
‘sir’. It sounded wrong. Phoney.

While Erwin checked in with the front desk, Levi glanced around the lobby. The floor was tile,
most of it covered by ornate carpets. Planters around the room overflowed with lush ferns, backed
by drapery, and an enormous, tacky chandelier hung over the lobby. Even the people around them
were gaudily over-decorated, with thick necklaces and clothing made from rich fabrics. He hadn’t
realized anyone could afford to dress in such ludicrous ways for something as simple as walking
through a hotel lobby.

One woman, however, stood out from the crowd. She leaned against a corner of the room by one of
the ferns, and instead of the fashionable clothing, she wore a simple grey cloak with a hood over a
dark grey smock. He couldn’t see her face, but she was looking fixedly at the counter, her stance
rigid. Was it his imagination, or was she watching Erwin?

As if she had somehow overheard his suspicions, she glanced in Levi’s direction. Turning away,
she strolled to the exit. He watched her leave, trying to decide if he was just being paranoid. She
didn’t seem to be in any particular rush.

Erwin approached him, holding out a key. “This one’s yours, Levi. Our bags are waiting for us
upstairs. Follow me.”

As they began to climb the stairs together, he added quietly, “How are you?”

Levi shrugged, unable to look him in the eye.

“We have a few hours before we have to be anywhere.” Erwin glanced at him. “We have time to
try to take your mind off everything that happened last night, if you’re interested.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Our room has a heated bath. Maybe a soak and a massage?”

The idea of Erwin’s soapy hands all over his body did sound appealing. “Couldn’t hurt.” His
stomach sank, heavy with guilt. Why is he being so nice to me? Given their history, shouldn’t
Levi’s attack have shaken his trust?

They turned down a hallway on the top floor, then stopped in front of their room. As Erwin put the
key into the lock, he looked down at Levi, and his face softened. “It’s okay, Levi.”

“What?”

“Here.” Erwin opened the door, pulled him inside, then closed it behind him.
Before Levi could react, he found himself in a tight hug. His first instinct was to push away, but
Erwin was holding him with just the right amount of tension—firmly enough to be secure, but not
suffocating.

“Does this help a bit?” Erwin was looking down at him with kindness in his eyes, a look Levi
rarely saw on that face in public, but was beginning to become accustomed to in private.

“Hm.” His eyes slipped closed as he pressed his cheek into Erwin’s chest. “How the hell do you
smell so good after travelling all night?”

“Do I? I feel like I’m drenched with sweat.”

Levi breathed in, savouring the faint spice of cologne. Below it was a musky smell that he
recognized as sweat, but it smelled good to him, almost like the scent of baking onion bread or
pretzels. The scent stirred his feral side, and he had a sudden longing to bury his face in his armpit,
between his legs, and inhale. Disgusted by his own urges, he stepped back.

“Maybe we should have that bath,” he said.

They lit the fire beneath the water tank. While they waited for it to warm, Levi unpacked his
belongings, arranging them neatly in the hotel drawers.

Erwin, meanwhile, pulled out a file and sat on one of the two beds. He began to spread the papers
on the bed’s surface, setting them at random angles and intervals.

Levi stood over him, folding his arms tightly to stop himself from reaching out and straightening
the papers. “There’s a desk in the other room.”

“I’m more comfortable here.” Erwin looked up, brows raised. “Is this bothering you?”

“You should unpack first. Your drawers are on the right, and the top half of the middle row is
yours as well.”

Erwin’s brows pinched with confusion. “We’re only here for two nights. Besides, I wanted to go
over the attendee list for the gala one last time.”

Levi sighed. “Fine. I’ll unpack for you.” He popped open the trunk and, ignoring the tax chest,
which took up most of the space, began to pull out Erwin’s clothes, placing them neatly in drawers.
After a few minutes, he realized he was being watched.

“What?” he muttered, looking over his shoulder.

Erwin sat with his head cocked back a little, as if studying him. “Do you enjoy cleaning?”

“I enjoy tidiness.” Levi tucked the underwear into the bottom drawer and slid it shut.

“I think I understand. It gives you control. Makes you feel like you can bring some order to this
chaotic world. You clean because you have to, not because you enjoy it.”

“Remember when we had that drink together, and I told you not to start analyzing me?” Levi rifled
through the trunk. “You brought seven non-matching socks. How did you even get non-matching
socks? Aren’t they standard issue?”

“I’ll be wearing boots most of the time. No one will know.”

“I’ll know, and I’m the one you have to worry about impressing.”
“Good thing I have other means of impressing you.” Erwin slid off the end of the bed and strode
towards him.

Levi turned away, cranky. He felt hands moving up and down his biceps. “Don’t tell me,” he
muttered. “Me getting pissed off turns you on.”

He felt lips on his neck, then teeth gently closing over his earlobe. “I’m afraid everything you do
turns me on.”

A little spark of excitement rocketed up Levi’s spine, but he continued unpacking. “Everything?
What if I pulled down my pants and took a giant dump right here on the floor?”

There was a pause. “ Almost everything you do turns me on. You’re a difficult man to compliment,
Levi.”

“Just when I’m busy.” He jerked away from Erwin’s grasp and rifled through the trunk, pulling out
a dress shirt. “This will need to be hung up in the closet.”

“Why don’t you take a break? The water is probably ready by now. There’s a bottle of soap in the
trunk that should foam up nicely.”

“Okay,” Levi said, hoping the looming threat of unpacked clothes wouldn’t keep him from
relaxing.

Erwin pulled off his jacket and threw it on the bed, but then seemed to think better of it; he
retrieved the jacket and hung it neatly in the closet instead. He loosened and removed the bolo tie,
hanging it with the jacket, then his hands began to work at the buckles of his gear straps.

Not bothering to hide the fact that he was watching him, Levi began to undress. He had spent so
long trying to pretend he wasn’t looking at Erwin that it felt strange to openly study him. Now he
could finally begin to memorize the small details: the constellation of tiny moles across his skin,
the blond fuzz on his lower back and ass, the bulging leg muscles that were almost
disproportionate to his sleek upper body.

Erwin finished hanging his clothes in the closet, then, fully nude, turned to Levi. He cocked a
brow. “Were you watching me?”

Levi had been so distracted that he hadn’t even finished unbuckling his straps. His cheeks burned,
and he searched for an excuse. His eyes fixed on the mottled bruises across Erwin’s hips. “Does
that still hurt?”

“A bit.”

All that talk about sending me to my death, but he was still willing to throw everything away to
save my life. Levi was beginning to think Commander Erwin Smith, the ruthless, driven man who
would stop at nothing to stop the titans, was a persona, a stone mask, one he wore because
humanity required it.

The mask was off now, the face relaxed and soft. Erwin stepped forward to help him undress.
Once they were both naked, he took Levi’s hand and wordlessly led him to the bath.

They worked together to pour the hot water into the basin, balancing it with cold water until it was
tolerable. The soap was so foamy that once they were both in the water, the bubbles rose above the
ledge of the tub. Levi sat with his back against Erwin’s chest, enveloped by his arms. He heard a
low sigh of contentment leave his own lips.
“I thought it might be nice to have a calm moment before the day’s activities begin,” Erwin said.
“Would you care for a massage?”

“Sure,” Levi said, using a casual tone to cover his sudden awkwardness. He was beginning to
realize this bath wasn’t just intimate, it was downright romantic. Romance required acting a little
flirty, a little cute, and he had never been interested in dropping his guard to let that side of himself
show. After the aggression of the night before, however, he probably owed Erwin a bit of romance,
so he’d give it a try.

“You’re tense,” Erwin said, working Levi’s upper back. His pressure was strong, but controlled.
“Take slow breaths.”

“Mm.” Levi bowed his head, closing his eyes.

“How’s the pressure?”

“It’s all right.” He felt his body begin to relax without his permission, and he tensed again.

“Everything okay?”

He needed a response other than ‘I’m too uptight to let myself relax,’ so he reached for his most
recent source of tension: “I thought I saw someone watching you in the lobby. A woman.”

The hands paused for a moment, then drifted lower, working knots out of his shoulder blades.
“Was she dressed in colourless robes?”

“Yes,” Levi said, surprised at the accurate guess.

“What did she look like?”

“I couldn’t tell. She had a hood.” Levi turned to look back at him, hoping to catch a hint of what he
was thinking, but even in private, Erwin’s face defaulted to neutral. “Friend of yours?”

“My sister.”

Levi studied him for a moment longer and, finding nothing on his face, settled back into position
again. “I didn’t know you had any living family.”

“I have a mother, a stepfather, and a sister. Possibly two older brothers, too, though they left the
family when I was small and didn’t keep contact, so I’m not sure they’re still alive.”

“You don’t talk about any of them.”

“No, I don’t.” Erwin cupped warm water in his hands and drizzled it down Levi’s back in a warm
cascade. “As callous as it may sound, I would rather forget they exist.”

“I can understand that.” Levi’s eyes closed as he let the warmth soak into his skin.

There was a long pause, and he realized he had said the words aloud, but thankfully, Erwin didn’t
press him. The heels of his hands began to work Levi’s mid-back.

“At any rate,” Erwin continued, “my sister has been trying to contact me for several years, and I’ve
been returning her letters and asking her to stop, but persistence is a trait we share.”

“What does she want?”

There was another long pause, and Levi finally worked up the courage to ask about the letter he
had found in the garbage can.

“Erwin, are you a Wallist?”

His Commander gave a low sigh. “You read the letter.”

There was no point hiding the truth from a man who would see right through him. “Yeah. I could
tell you were lying about what it was.” He probably owed him an apology, but he was still a bit
shaken by the lie.

Erwin’s hands moved up to his neck, and Levi’s head lolled forward. Not like I can be angry with
this asshole when he’s touching me like this.

When Erwin finally spoke, his voice was low. “It’s difficult to know how much of my past is safe
to share with you.”

“You can trust me,” Levi said, not letting his voice betray how wounded he was.

“Absolutely, yes, and if there were no external factors, I would be happy to share all of myself with
you, the good and the bad. The problem, in our times, is that some knowledge is dangerous to
possess.” He was quiet for a moment. “I will say this: my father died when I was young, and that
was when everything changed. My brothers left, my sister and I were confused and heartbroken,
and my mother became paranoid. She moved us to the city and changed our family name. Your
observation that ‘Smith’ was a pseudonym was an astute one.” There was a hint of admiration in
his voice, and Levi shrugged it off.

“Every Smith I ever knew lives in the Underground.” He paused, all too aware that the next
question was a sensitive one: “So what is your real name?”

“I’ll keep that to myself, if you don’t mind,” Erwin said quietly. “I would be proud to bear my
father’s name and carry on his legacy, but I’ve been Smith for so long that I didn’t remember what
preceded it, not at first. By the time I found it again, it no longer felt like my name—and more than
that, if my mother went to such lengths to hide it, she must have had a reason.”

Levi could tell the subject troubled him. “You can still carry on your father’s legacy as Erwin
Smith. Having a different family name doesn’t change who you are.”

“Or having none at all?”

Levi bit the inside of his cheek, not ready to discuss that yet. “So what does your family have to do
with the Wall Cult?”

“My mother was increasingly protective as I grew up,” Erwin said. “She worked hard to put us
through school and provide a secure environment for us. By the time I reached my teens, I wasn’t
allowed outside without her supervision except to go to school. I spent a lot of time reading,
playing chess with my sister, and thinking about the titans, about how humanity could defeat them.
My mother always grew agitated if I mentioned them, however, so I learned to keep my thoughts to
myself.

“Regardless, for the most part, it was a comfortable childhood—until my mother got it into her
head that we needed to join the Wall Cult. I still don’t know where the idea came from, or why she
clung to it so desperately, but she turned to it with an almost fanatical devotion. First it was weekly
services, then twice a week, then she began to bring us to the church every other day. Her
fanaticism only worsened when she fell in love with a fellow Wallist. The day she announced their
engagement, she told us we were going to move into one of the Wall Cult devotion facilities as
full-time members.”

He was so wrapped up in his memories that his hands had stopped moving, but Levi decided the
end of the story was more important than the end of the massage. “So did you go?”

“No. I had an argument with my mother, the first we’d ever had, and it was—” He paused. “We
said horrible things to each other, but it doesn’t matter. Even if we had tempered our words, the
end result would have been the same: I wanted to free humanity from the walls, and she thought
that was sacrilege. There was no way for us to reconcile those differences. I was nearly fifteen by
that point, more than old enough to sign up for military training, so I left a note saying I was
joining up, took my share of my father’s inheritance and departed that night.”

Levi tried to picture a young Erwin leaving home without saying goodbye. It was surprisingly easy
to imagine. Even back then, he would have sacrificed absolutely anything to attain his goals.

Erwin’s arms settled around him, hugging him close. “I loved my mother and my sister, and I was
so naive and sheltered that I didn’t fit in with the other soldiers at first. If it wasn’t for Nile’s
friendship, I might have given up. Who knows where I would have ended up? Maybe I would have
been in the Underground myself.”

Jealousy flickered in Levi’s chest again at the mention of Nile, and he tried to smother it. When he
was fourteen, you were still a kid, he reminded himself, although he wasn’t too sure about that. His
exact age was a bit of a mystery to him; too many difficult years had blended together in his mind.

“So why’s your sister trying to contact you now?” he asked.

“She’ll claim it’s to save me,” Erwin said, “but I suspect it’s because I’m gaining influence. She
always thought highly of my intelligence, so she’s probably afraid I’ll succeed in my evil plots to
free humanity from this sacred prison.” He rested his chin on top of Levi’s head, and his voice
faded: “And yet, if I’m perfectly honest, a part of me wants to see her. We were so close, once.”

Levi reached up to grip the forearms that were crossed over his chest, showing his support.

“It’s almost a shame I didn’t weather it for a year or two,” Erwin said after a few minutes. “We
know almost nothing of the Wall Cult faith, and they’re gaining influence. If I had more than a
cursory knowledge of the faith, I might be able to use that to our advantage, but I never penetrated
deeply enough into the organization to gather any useful information.”

“Would your sister give you information?”

“Given the tone of her letters, I doubt it. Besides, I don’t want her to get involved, for her own
safety. If there’s one thing I learned about the Wall Cult during my brief interactions with them,
it’s that they’ll put their beliefs ahead of anything, even the well-being of their members. They’re
willing to sacrifice everything.”

His voice sounded like he was smiling, and, disturbed, Levi craned his neck to see a full grin on
Erwin’s face. The expression made his skin crawl.

“That’s funny to you?”

“No, it’s something I respect.” Cold blue eyes fixed on him. “If we ever have to face the Wall Cult
head-on, Levi, they will make for formidable opponents. I haven’t yet learned their weak points,
but with my mother and sister among their ranks, they may know mine. It would be interesting to
see if they could break me before I broke them.”
Levi’s stomach dropped. The mask of stone isn’t a mask at all, he realized. How was it that the
warm, caring man he loved was also so cold and pragmatic?

“You’re not just morbid,” he said aloud, “you’re fucking creepy.”

“Ah, my apologies.” Erwin’s smile warmed. “I should be enjoying your company in this warm
bath, not getting carried away by the past or the future.”

“Not such a warm bath any more. The water’s getting cold.” Levi stood, careful to keep his balance
in the slippery tub, and reached for the bucket. He bent forward to fetch a bucketful of hot water
from the tank, then froze as he felt a hand sliding up the back of his thigh, then his ass, then closer
to the centre. He turned to face Erwin, who was staring fixedly at his rear. “Don’t get any ideas.”

“The view was too pleasant to ignore.”

“Fine, grab my ass if you want. Just don’t touch my asshole.” Levi poured hot water into the bath
and then filled the bucket again to repeat the process.

“No?”

His heart sank at the disappointment in Erwin’s voice. “I shit from there.”

“I see.”

Levi gave a low sigh. This was his only hang-up in the bedroom, and it had never been a problem
before. His past partners had all been happy to receive without giving, and there were plenty of
other parts of the body for them to touch and kiss if they wanted to explore. Erwin was different.
Already, it was becoming obvious that he took great satisfaction in giving, in exploring.

It all came back to one bad experience he had when he had first started having sex, when he and
his partner had pushed forward with too much zeal, not understanding the potentially painful
consequences. He knew he had let the incident cloud his judgement, had conflated it with other
obsessions and blown it out of proportion. Maybe it was time to try to let go, see if old truths still
held true. Hadn’t he been the one saying a person shouldn’t let the past interfere with his present?

He sat down facing Erwin. “It’s been a long time since I experimented a bit,” he said awkwardly. “I
might be willing to give some things another try.”

“There’s no pressure.” Maybe it was Levi’s imagination, but he thought he heard a note of hope in
the deep voice. “And no rush. We’re taking things slowly, after all.”

Levi hesitated.

Erwin must have read his hesitation as annoyance, because he said, “I know I’m asking a lot in
terms of patience—”

“No, it isn’t that. I don’t mind waiting, but come on, this isn’t slow. You first kissed me what, four
or five days ago? Then suddenly we’re sucking each other off on our way to share a hotel room
together. Sure, we didn’t fuck on the first date, but when you said slow, I thought we’d be giving
each other hand jobs for a month, not … this.” He stared at the foamy surface of the water, not
wanting to look up at Erwin in case he saw regret or fear in his eyes.

Finally, Erwin spoke: “I suppose we haven’t been taking it slowly at all, have we?”

“If you want to slow things right down again,” Levi began, but he couldn’t finish the sentence. The
idea of taking a few steps back was physically painful, twisting in his chest like a knife. Sex
between them wasn’t just sex; it was opening up their vulnerabilities to each other: panic attacks,
neurotic tics, masks falling away, old hangups tossed aside. Already, Levi was pushing his own
boundaries—hell, he had even swallowed for the first time, something he never imagined would
interest him. Now that I’ve opened myself up to him, I don’t want to close that door again.

“ I don’t want to slow things down,” Erwin said, unknowingly echoing his thoughts. “It’s like I
said before, Levi: I don’t know how to proceed with you. I’m trying to balance this affair with
whatever is best for my mind, for our careers, for humanity, and it feels like every time we touch,
the balance tips further away from logic.” He found Levi’s hand and lifted it, wiping the suds off,
then kissing a knuckle. “I wonder if I really need as much time as I think.”

As his lips found the knuckles a second time, Levi felt his eyelids begin to droop. “Are you treating
this like a chess game you can win if you position us in the right places, then move us forward at
the right times?”

“Maybe. Maybe I’m trying to apply logic to something completely illogical.” Erwin pulled the
hand forward, gripping Levi’s elbow with his other hand, drawing him closer.

Following his lead, Levi settled on his lap. They saw eye-to-eye in this position, and even though
the context was innocent enough, Levi’s mind drifted back to sex. Our bodies align so perfectly
when I’m on his lap, or when he spoons behind me. If he started riding my lap like this, he’d tower
over me.

His heart sank. What if sex between them just wasn’t going to work? They connected so well on
every other level; it would be a shame if this was what drove a wedge between them. If Levi was
unwilling to compromise, and Erwin ended up trapped in one role where he was accustomed to
having a choice, eventually the resentment would build.

Erwin bent forward and kissed the tip of his nose; his hands slid down Levi’s back. “I’m sorry, this
was supposed to be a romantic bath, and I spent the whole time in a monologue about my life, then
analysing the pace of our sex life.” He gently nipped at the nose this time, and Levi’s eyelids
fluttered closed. He could feel their slick skin pressed together, and even with all the hot water
sapping his libido, his body began to stir.

In a hormone-fuelled moment of bravery, he blurted, “Touch my asshole.”

Erwin pulled back to look at him, brows raised, and Levi felt his cheeks warm.

“Levi?”

“Just touch it. There’s no cleaner place than a bath, right? So if there’s a time to try it … ” He
shrugged and looked down, ears burning.

“You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

“Yes I do, because I told you I would never let my past interfere with my present, and I’m not a
hypocrite. So do it before I change my mind.”

A pause. “Very well.”

Erwin gently tilted Levi’s pelvis back, pulling the cheeks apart underwater; their foreheads rested
against each other, breath mingling between their lips. Unsure of what to expect, Levi closed his
eyes, bracing himself.
Then he felt Erwin’s finger lightly graze him, and he was almost disappointed at how innocent it
felt, the same as any touch anywhere else on his body. Shouldn’t an area so taboo feel either
amazing or horrible?

“How’s that?” Erwin asked softly.

“It’s all right.”

The finger began to trace a gentle circular motion, and Levi’s breath caught. “Fuck.”

“Want me to stop?”

“No.” He swallowed hard. The entire surface of his skin was becoming sensitized, something
between an itch and a tickle, and his groin was beginning to throb. His eyes fluttered closed as he
felt a tiny increase of pressure, the finger pressing just a millimetre deeper.

“Still okay?” Erwin asked, kissing the top of his hair.

Levi opened his mouth to reply, but a small moan slipped out instead. I’ve lost control. Panic
rippled through him, and he pushed away.

Erwin released him. For a moment, they stared at each other, Levi breathing hard.

“Are you all right?” Erwin asked gently.

Levi wasn’t sure how to articulate his panic. Letting go of control during sex wasn’t usually
something that bothered him, but this … This was unknown. He felt as if his body had betrayed
him, giving in so thoroughly to such a tiny, unfamiliar gesture, especially one he had resisted for so
many years.

“It’s just new,” he said aloud. “I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Erwin planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Then let’s give you time to decide if you
want to try it again sometime or not. We should get washed up and get out of the tub, anyway. We
need to head out for lunch.”

They soaped down and washed their hair—a bit awkwardly, sharing such a small space—and then
towelled off.

Levi wrapped his towel around his waist and stepped into the main room to change, but his eyes
were drawn to an envelope on the floor. His brow furrowed. Someone must have slid it under the
door while they were bathing. “E.S.” was written on its surface, and he recognized the distinctively
styled “E” from the letter he had seen a couple days ago—an extra loop on the first stroke, identical
to the way Erwin wrote it.

“I think your sister left you another letter,” he called.

Erwin strode into the room, his wet hair spiked out from his head at odd angles. He accepted the
envelope and opened it, and as his eyes scanned the letter, his mouth fell into a frown. “She wants
to meet with me tomorrow.”

“Maybe I should do it for you,” Levi said. “Tell her I’m there on your behalf. Maybe I can
intimidate her, get her to back off.”

Erwin looked thoughtful. “Let me think about it a bit more. There may be a better way to approach
it.” Stuffing the letter back into the envelope, he set it in his trunk. “Dress casually. We don’t want
to attract attention.”

Levi pulled on an old green long-sleeved shirt, black dress pants and the black dress shoes he had
planned to wear with his suit. They were uncomfortable, and he winced, hoping the walk would
break them in a bit.

Erwin, meanwhile, wore a pale brown collared shirt. He stood in front of the mirror with a comb,
carefully parting his hair.

“Do you own any shirts that aren’t collared?” Levi asked.

“I didn’t think to bring any. Does it look too formal?”

“No, it’s fine.” He reached up and straightened one end of Erwin’s collar. “There.”

Erwin looked down at him for a moment, then caught his jaw and bent down to give him a kiss.
Not ready for the force of it, Levi took a half-step back to maintain his balance. He tasted mint; it
mingled with the fresh scents of shampoo and cologne to form a dizzying scent that was distinctly
Erwin. By the time the kiss broke, he was light-headed.

“Ready?” Erwin asked.

Too flustered to speak, Levi gave him a brief nod.

They made their way downstairs, then onto the street. The city was bustling with morning traffic,
people wearing fashionable clothes as they meandered down the cobblestone sidewalks. Levi
remembered the Capital being pristine and tidy, so he was surprised to notice signs of wear: the
buildings were dirty, the flowerpots empty. Several stores were shut down, their windows boarded
up. Even the people looked worn—the padded stomachs of the rich were rare now, and the well-
dressed had gaunt cheeks. The fall of Wall Maria had put pressure on everyone, even this far in.
Levi wasn’t sure how that made him feel. Everyone suffering together should, theoretically,
encourage them to band together in the same fight, but he had a feeling the old class struggles he
remembered were still in play.

As they walked, he found himself glancing down alleyways, remembering forgotten moments that
had seemed so important once upon a time.

“Everything okay?” Erwin asked.

Levi shrugged and glanced up at him. “Lots of memories.”

“I would have expected your memories to be confined to the Underground.”

“Between you and me, I spent time above ground whenever I could.” He cocked his head at one
street lined with small, trendy shops. “You see that street there? I pretended to be a lost child—I’d
wear my one good set of clothes and cry for taxi fare. And over there.” He nodded at a clock tower
rising above a post office. “I sometimes scaled that tower during the night to look at the stars.”

“I wonder if we ever crossed paths without realizing it,” Erwin said thoughtfully, studying the
tower.

“Maybe. It doesn’t matter.” Levi glanced up at him. “You would have dismissed me as street trash,
and I would have dismissed you as a spoiled rich kid.”
“Perhaps,” Erwin said quietly.

Their destination was a large cafe across the street from the main Military Police branch, a bustling
shop with a fenced-in area that contained several outdoor tables. They ordered their lunch and a pot
of tea and sat at a table in an isolated corner. Levi sat with his back against the stone fence, staring
across the street. The majority of the Military Police headquarters consisted of the barracks, two
enormous stone wings that housed nearly a thousand soldiers. Directly across from them was the
square building that held the offices and records.

“Do you have a good view?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah.” Levi took a sip of tea and subtly glanced around them, ensuring they were out of earshot
from the other patrons. “Which office is Captain Dok’s? Probably on the fourth floor, right? And it
must be on this side, or you would have sat us at a restaurant on the other side of the building.”

Erwin leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest, looking at him as if sizing him
up. “I know I said I wouldn’t pry, Levi, but you seem familiar with this building. It can’t be from
legal encounters, because criminal processing is done at the north-west branch.”

“I wouldn’t know. They never managed to catch me.” Levi swirled his tea, then watched the leaves
settle into the bottom of the mug. “You’ve shared a lot of your past with me today, so I guess I owe
you a bit, huh?”

“You don’t owe me a thing, but if you have some sort of history with this building, and if you’re
comfortable sharing it, it could be useful for strategic purposes.”

Levi shifted, getting more comfortable, and took a sip of tea. It would be nice to get these
particular memories off his chest; he had been carrying them for too many years.

“So, I told you my first boyfriend was killed in a fight with the Military Police, right?” he said.
“Matthias. He wasn’t even supposed to be there. It was a dumb scuffle in the Underground, a
dispute between rival gangs. I left him sleeping and didn’t tell him where I was going, because he
was sort of our moral compass, and I knew he wouldn’t approve. But things got out of hand. We
fucked up. The Military Police got involved, and we ended up in a 3-way standoff.

“Matthias came running in—I still have no idea how he figured out where we were, but he was a
smart kid, a thinker like you. He gave some heartfelt speech and managed to talk sense into us. We
were all standing down, stepping back, and it should have been fine, but some prick in the Police
decided to order his squad to fire. Fucking asshole.” His fists tightened at the memory. “Matthias
was in the middle, so he was the first to drop.”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said quietly.

“It’s fine. I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it, but at the time, I was hell-bent on
revenge.” His eyes flicked up to the Military Police building. “I broke into that records building. I
wanted to find the name of the Squad Leader so I could personally execute him. I spent a lot of
time planning it all, getting all the information I could in preparation.”

He paused for another long sip of tea. Erwin was watching him attentively, a forkful of food
resting, forgotten, against his plate.

“I made it to the records room and was rifling through the files, trying to figure out their filing
system—I wasn’t very good at reading back then, and the room was a mess. The door opened and a
recruit stepped into the room. His name was Niklaus. He was a couple years younger than me, and
he had been assigned to maintain the records room. He was keen to prove himself useful so that he
could climb the ranks, and he thought I’d be his prize. We fought, and I was a better fighter, but
my knife was no match for his swords. We ended up in a draw. So we made a deal: he’d let me go
in exchange for information from me.”

“About rival gangs?” Erwin asked, and Levi’s lip curled.

“Fuck no. Would have loved to get those assholes taken out, but I’m not a snitch. No, we’re talking
about the really evil folks who hide in the Underground. People who do vile things to innocent
people and try to hide from punishment. Monsters. I traded him the rumoured location of one of
them for my freedom.

“But I still needed to find out who killed Matthias. So I came back for another information trade.
That began a working relationship, where he fed me information about rival gangs and police
movements, and I gave him rumours about monsters who would help him build his reputation. He
began to climb the ranks of his organization, and I climbed the ranks of mine.”

Erwin was studying him, gaze intense. “It wasn’t just a business relationship, was it?”

Levi’s cheeks darkened and he busied his hands with pouring another cup of tea. “Why the hell
would you think that?”

“Because you wouldn’t trust anyone that quickly, especially a member of the same group who had
killed someone you loved. The information exchange was just an excuse.”

With a shrug, Levi said, “There is a certain type of officer of the law who gets turned on by the
thought of being fucked by a dirty criminal, and if that officer is a handsome blond with broad
shoulders, the criminal might be happy to oblige.” He was certain his entire face must be glowing
red.

“I imagine that comes with all sorts of built-in perks,” Erwin said, a twinkle in his eye. “The taboo
nature of it, for one. Handcuffs, for another.”

“Shut up. The point I’m making is that I got to know the building well.”

“Did you ever find the Squad Leader you were looking for?”

“Yeah.” Levi’s jaw tensed. “Yeah, I did.” He couldn’t look him in the eye, because he was sure his
inner monster was showing, and he didn’t want to see disapproval on his Commander’s face—or,
even worse, understanding.

After a long silence, Erwin said, “Is Niklaus still stationed in the building?”

“I don’t think so. One day, he disappeared, and I never did figure out where he went. I assumed he
got promoted and didn’t bother to tell me, and I went through a bit of a crisis thinking he had
abandoned me. Now I wonder if someone found out about our arrangement and something more
sinister happened.”

He glanced at the building again, his eyes fixing on the windows of the records room. While I’m in
the building, maybe I can drop into the records room and find out what happened to Niklaus. It’s
only a few rooms down from Dok’s office. He frowned, considering. Did he want to know? He had
already accepted a scenario and mourned it, had already recovered. Would reopening that wound
be worth the potential closure?

“Levi,” Erwin said, “is your history going to cause any problems during your mission?”
“No.” Levi shifted his gaze back to him. “It’ll give me an advantage. I know how to move easily
between rooms, and how to scale the side of the building without gear. I know the flow of the
rooms and the best places to station guards. I’ll be in and out like a ghost.”

He felt a booted foot press against his under the table, a private offering of support. “For what it’s
worth, I’m sorry to hear about the heartbreak you had to go through, twice in a row.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I don’t regret how anything played out—it all brought me here.”

A corner of Erwin’s lips lifted into a small smile. “I admire your resilience, Levi. I’m not sure most
people would have come out the other side of everything you’ve been through.”

“I’m not special. People are stronger than they think.” Levi drummed his fingernails against his
mug. “Can we drop this for a bit?” All the focus on his past was making him uncomfortable. He
didn’t want to accidentally tap into the wrong memory.

“Of course. I need to start briefing you on all the people I’ll be introducing you to at the gala,
anyway.” Erwin leaned forward, folding his hands on the table. “There are a few people in
particular I want you to watch out for—I’d like to hear how you read them, see if your instincts tell
you anything I might have missed.”

Levi gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “My instincts are telling me that’s going to be boring as shit.”

“Your instincts are reliable,” Erwin said with a smile, “but it’s necessary.”

“Okay, then let’s get this over with.” He sat tall, trying to push his memories out of his mind.

Even though Erwin could tell the debrief was making Levi’s eyes glaze over, it had to be done. He
kept it as brief as he could, naming key players and their relationships. Once they finished their
lunches, they began to make their way back to the hotel. Erwin continued going through names in
his head, visualizing the complex web of relationships. He needed to play the room tonight if he
wanted to make a strong first impression as Commander, and he wanted to start getting a feel for
potential allies and opponents. While he was familiar with many of the nobles thanks to trips to the
Capital with Shadis over the years, he hadn’t had the occasion to put most of them into play. Some
of them might be useful one day.

They made it back to the hotel room with just enough time to change before they headed across the
street for the ceremony. Erwin pulled on his uniform. As he tightened the Commander’s pendant
around his neck, he studied himself in the mirror. That black eye was going to put a damper on his
charisma, making him memorable for all the wrong reasons. He leaned closer and tilted his head to
examine his split lip, and noticed a love bite on his neck, right below his ear. “Levi.”

“Yeah?” Levi stood beside him, sharing the mirror so that he could part his hair.

“Can I see your neck?” He hunched to Levi’s level, pulling down his collar.

Levi swatted at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Looking for something.” There was a large love bite at the base of his throat. Erwin didn’t even
remember when he had kissed him there, at least not hard enough to leave a mark. I lose so much
control around him.

“ My cravat will cover that,” Levi said, pulling away.

“I’m afraid there’s no covering mine.” Erwin frowned, leaned toward the mirror again, and touched
the mark with two fingertips.

“No one will notice. It just looks like another bruise.”

“I hope you’re right.” The last thing he needed were rumours of some sort of affair. Though, given
the propensity for the noble class to gossip, maybe salacious rumours would help him more than
hurt him. His head spun. He was already fatigued from trying to step into different thought
processes, and the ceremonies hadn’t even begun. After this trip was complete, he was going to
need a day or two off to rest his mind.

A few minutes later, they made their way to the courthouse across the street. The main courtroom
was already packed, the audience arranged along three borders of the room. The central rows held
the Military Police, Captain Nile Dok standing at their helm. The rows along the left wall held the
Garrison, headed by a bald man with a moustache: Commander Dot Pixis. The right wall seating
had been opened to members of the public, and Erwin scanned their faces, looking for his sister.
She wasn’t present, and he felt conflicting waves of relief and disappointment.

At the far end of the room, seated at a table overlooking the crowd, were three of the King’s
representatives, but, as Erwin had expected, the King himself was absent. He didn’t expect him to
show up at the gala, either. In all his years in the military, he had never once laid eyes on the King.
He was beginning to wonder if the figurehead was not actually a man, but merely a concept.

As they stepped into the room, he glanced down at Levi. Levi’s eyes scanned the room, and his
stance was a little too upright, a little too tense. This was his first time in a formal military setting
outside the Survey Corps, and Erwin wondered what thoughts were running through his mind,
especially given his history with the Military Police. He gave Levi’s shoulder a quick, friendly
squeeze, wishing he could give him a long hug instead, but that would have to wait.

The centre of the courtroom was empty, save for a desk that would be the Commander-in-Chief’s
seat. Erwin led Levi onto the floor. They came to a stop at the back, directly in front of Nile. Erwin
glanced behind them and gave him a nod, and Nile returned it, but there was no time to exchange
greetings. At the head of the room, a guard stepped forward:

“Announcing Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackly.”

The military members of the audience saluted, even Levi, who was evidently on his best
behaviour. Zackly took a seat at a table at the head of the room. He looked older than Erwin
remembered, his skin wizened, his hair white. Who will take over when he retires? he wondered.
Pixis seemed a likely bet, but the chain of command wasn’t always clear when it came to
promotions at a high level.

The room fell silent.

“Captain Erwin Smith,” Zackly announced, “please step forward.”

“Sir.” Erwin approached the table and stopped a few paces in front of it, pulling into a salute.

Zackly opened a file and pulled out some papers, perching reading glasses on the end of his nose.
“I’m sorry to be doing this so soon. Commander Anke Roth was full of promise, and we didn’t
even have a chance to see what she was capable of.”

“We didn’t, sir.”

Zackly looked up at him over his glasses. “I’ve been following your career for a long time, Erwin,
and you’ve continually impressed me with your strategic advances for the Survey Corps. You have
the rare ability to approach familiar problems in unconventional ways. I foresee great things for
you—I hope this appointment won’t be such a short one.”

“I will do my best to carry on Commander Shadis and Roth’s legacy, sir.”

“I’m sure you will. Shall we get started?” Zackly adjusted his glasses, then began to read through
the Commander’s creed. Erwin had studied it inside and out so often that he could recite every
word of it. He stood tall, following along in his mind.

“—in service to humanity, and in service to the King,” Zackly finished. “Do you, in front of this
crowd of superiors, colleagues, subordinates, and the general public, accept this responsibility and
all it shall entail?”

“Yes, sir, I do.” Erwin’s shoulders were starting to ache from holding such a tight salute.

“Then by the authority granted to me by His Majesty the King, I declare you Commander of the
Survey Corps.” He scrawled his signature on a scroll, then rolled it and stood. “Congratulations,
Commander Smith.”

Erwin accepted the scroll, the audience applauded, and then it was over: the moment Erwin had
been aiming for every day for fifteen years had come and gone. He had always looked forward to
this promotion with anticipation, imagining a wave of satisfaction and pride, but this felt like any
other day, any other meeting.

Dazed, he moved to stand by Levi as Zackly dismissed the court.

Levi cocked a brow at him. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“You okay?”

“It was over so fast.” Erwin pasted on a polite smile, nodding at the sea of people who streamed
past him with hollow congratulations, accepting the occasional handshake.

“Zackly had some high praise for you,” Levi said.

“Let’s hope I’ll live up to his expectations.”

“You will.”

As he looked down at him Erwin’s natural smile overcame the fake one. “Thank you, Levi.”

The stream of well-wishers began to dwindle, and at the very end of the line was Captain Nile
Dok. Nile stepped forward, grinning and shaking his head. “I can’t believe you beat me to
Commander, you bastard.” He held out his hand.

Erwin pushed aside the hand and went for a hug instead, clapping his back a couple times before
releasing him. “Good to see you, Nile.”
“You, too. What the hell happened to your eye?”

“Mike.”

Nile’s brows rose. “Fighting over girls like old times?”

“Not exactly,” Erwin said, but he didn’t offer an alternate explanation. Instead, he turned to Levi,
who was staring at Nile with a curled upper lip. “Nile, I’d like you to meet my next in command,
Squad Leader Levi.”

“The man from the Underground, right?” Nile held out a hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you. You’re
getting quite the reputation around these parts.”

“Yeah.” Levi shook his hand, the expression of disgust still on his face.

“Well,” Nile said, obviously uncomfortable. He turned back to Erwin. “Marie would have sent her
congratulations, but she’ll see you tonight, so she can pass them along herself.”

Surprise turned Erwin’s blood to ice, squeezed the air from his lungs. He took a careful breath and
defaulted to his polite smile. “Is that so?”

“We hired a sitter for Jasper. It’s been awhile since I took her out on the town, so she’s excited.
Won’t stop talking about it.” Nile studied him, his grin fading. “It’s been a long time. You haven’t
been by since before Jasper was born.”

“I suppose I haven’t.”

“He’s almost five years old.”

“Social pleasantries are a luxury those of us on the battlefront cannot afford.” Erwin glanced down
at Levi, who was caving in on himself, arms folded tightly around his chest. “Please excuse us,
Nile. We have a few preparations to make before the gala begins, so we’ll have to catch up with
you at the gala.”

“Of course.” Nile bobbed his head at each of them, then departed.

Once they were alone in the hall, Levi glanced up at Erwin. “What the hell was all that?”

“All what?” Erwin asked, still staring after Nile.

“The way you went from hugs to posturing within about three sentences.”

“We have a complicated history.”

Levi scowled. “His facial hair is disgusting. It looks like pubic hair.”

“His wife likes facial hair, so I suppose he does the best he can with what he has,” Erwin said,
secretly amused by the comparison. “We should go back to the hotel and get changed into our
suits. I’m thinking I might like to stop at the hotel bar before the gala begins.” Between the
anticlimactic promotion ceremony and the idea of seeing Marie again, he needed a drink.

Levi eyed him warily. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Erwin said, but his heart was still pounding.
 Dance
Chapter Notes

Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos.

Previous chapter: Erwin & Levi arrived in the Capital, shared a bath and some
conversation, then Erwin was promoted to Commander.

-11-

Dance

L evi slicked the last strand of hair into place, then straightened his cravat and stood to his full
height. He had always suspected that slicking back his hair would make him look like a little kid,
but he had to admit it looked polished. The suit was long in the arms, but otherwise it made his legs
look long, his body toned. Not bad.

He glanced sideways at his Commander, who was fussing with his eyebrows and a pair of
tweezers. “Almost ready, Erwin?”

“You’re lucky, Levi, with your slender eyebrows.”

“Skinny eyebrows would look dumb on your face. How do I look?”

“The amount of grooming these beasts take … ” Erwin grimaced, leaning closer to the mirror.

“Erwin,” Levi said, losing patience with his unusual mood. “Your eyebrows look fine.”

Erwin turned to address him, but the blue eyes widened, trailing up and down Levi’s body.

A bit self-conscious, Levi said, “It looks all right?”

Erwin slowly circled him, then stopped in front of him and gripped his shoulders. His face was
solemn. “You are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes upon.”

Cheeks burning, Levi looked away. “Flattery.”

“I mean it.” Two fingers pressed under Levi’s chin, lifting it, and then Erwin’s mouth closed over
his. The kiss just barely broke, and he added, “I’m tempted to forego the gala and take you straight
to bed.”

“But you won’t.”

“We have business to attend to first.” Erwin stood tall and straightened his Commander’s pendant.
“How do I look?”

“Like the kind of man I’d want to go straight to bed with.” Levi caught the pendant and pulled him
down for another kiss.
As they began to descend the stairs toward the hotel bar, Erwin began to get fidgety again,
continuously adjusting his pendant. Levi watched with his periphery, dread pooling in his stomach.

“Okay, what the hell is going on with you?”

“What do you mean?” Erwin straightened the tails of the bolo tie.

“You’ve been twitching like a druggie ever since we got back from the courthouse.” With a
sidelong glance he added, “Ever since you talked to Pubeface.”

Erwin was silent.

“Pubeface is Nile,” Levi said.

“Yes, I understood. I’ll be fine after a drink.”

Something about Nile threw him off, thought Levi. Maybe they used to fuck? That didn’t seem
right. Admittedly, he didn’t always get the right read on people, but Nile came across as decidedly
uninterested in men. Maybe it was just nerves about his first public appearance as Commander—
but that didn’t seem right, either. It was strange to imagine Erwin getting nervous about anything.

They settled at a table in the hotel bar, and Erwin excused himself to get their drinks. Levi
watched, wary, as Erwin took a shot of liquor at the bar, then returned with two ales. What the
hell?

“ I’ll start by introducing you to Pixis.” Erwin took a seat. He slid Levi’s ale across the table. “I
don’t know him all that well, but Shadis strongly recommended making him an ally. He’s fond of
the drink, so sharing a glass of wine with him should gain us some ground.”

“Sure.” Levi focused on Erwin’s drumming fingers. “Are you putting too much pressure on
yourself? You don’t need to meet everyone tonight, do you? There will be plenty more bullshit
parties for you to attend after this one.”

The fingers stilled. “I suppose you’re right.”

So it was just nerves about his new role after all, Levi thought, relieved. “You probably have some
master plan you want to execute, and becoming Commander was the first step, right?” He was
beginning to understand just how far Erwin looked into the future. “Take it easy. You don’t have to
do it all on the first night.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Erwin smiled at him. “Thank you, Levi.”

But a few minutes later, his fingers started drumming again.

They finished their ales in silence, then stood. Erwin’s hand briefly pressed against the small of
Levi’s back as they left the bar, guiding him through the door. The contact was unexpected, and
Levi felt a flush colour his cheeks. Affection in public—is the alcohol already loosening him up?

Across the street, townsfolk in expensive outfits milled around the hall entrance. The large double
doors were wide open, broadcasting a lively song played by a string instrument and a harpsichord.
Men in dark suits stood at the entrance taking people’s names, and Military Police members dotted
the streets, surveying the crowds.

“This is fucked,” Levi muttered, feeling completely out of his element.

“You’ll be fine,” Erwin said. “If you’re in doubt about what to say, just smile politely and nod
along.” He glanced down at him. “Well, just nod along, I suppose.”

They gave their names at the door, then stepped into the hallway. Levi felt dozens of eyes fix on
him, as if people could tell he didn’t belong. He returned a couple stares, his eyes narrow, and felt a
flicker of satisfaction at the shocked looks he got in return.

Then they stepped into the main ballroom, and he forgot to be angry.

The room was enormous, several times the size of the dining hall back at headquarters, the ceiling
at least three times as high. Lamps hung from the rafters, interspersed with crystal chandeliers that
reflected the light in intricate patterns. A balcony ran along the border of the ceiling, and on it, he
could see a few well-dressed couples kissing or staring down at the dance floor.

The dance floor itself was nearly empty, save for an elderly couple dancing off-beat and smiling,
and a couple young girls spinning and giggling. The rest of the crowd was seated at small square
tables, enjoying food and drink from the buffet. There had to be at least a hundred people seated,
and others moving between tables, drinks in hand, the phoney smiles on their faces so grotesque
that they looked like little titans. Levi shrank against Erwin, fighting the urge to flee.

“Holy fuck! Erwin,” a woman’s voice cried.

Erwin turned just as someone barrelled into him, knocking him back a few paces. Levi jumped
away, his hand instinctively going for his knife before he remembered he wasn’t wearing his boots.

A small woman had her arms around Erwin’s neck, and she was emitting high-pitched giggles. He
spun her around once and then set her down, a broad grin on his face.

“You shaved your beard.” She pouted and ran her knuckle along the square jaw with a familiarity
that made Levi’s blood boil. He glared at her, sizing her up. She had dark, wavy hair, and freckled
skin several shades darker than Erwin’s. Her eyes were brown and bright. Her build was small and
compact, about Levi’s height, and she wore a flattering brown dress that accentuated her tiny waist.

“Go easy on him, Marie.” Nile hurried over to join them. “Sorry, she’s had a bit to drink.”

“I’m fine,” she said, her eyes still locked with Erwin’s. “Just excited. It’s been too damned long.”

“It certainly has.” Erwin's voice was warm.

Levi’s eyes shifted to Nile, to Erwin, then back to the woman, and his heart sank as he remembered
their discussions about his past. It all fell into place: the tension with Nile, the nervousness, this
ridiculous display of familiarity. When he was young, he was in love with a woman, but he left her
behind to join the Survey Corps, and she ended up marrying his friend. Fuck! He understood
Erwin had a past—one didn’t start a relationship at their age and expect a clean slate—but he had
never expected to come face-to-face with it.

“Marie,” Erwin said, standing tall, “I’d like you to meet Squad Leader Levi.”

The brown eyes lit up, and the woman turned to Levi. “I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s an honour.”
She curtsied.

“Levi,” Erwin continued, “this is the effervescent Marie Dok.”

Effervescent. Levi’s skin crawled. “I need a drink.”

“You’ve come to the right place,” Marie said. “Open bar. Why don’t the boys get us a drink while
we get settled at the table?”

He panicked. “Some of us have work to do.”

“It can wait.” Erwin gripped his shoulder and squeezed. “You go ahead and get settled. Is ale
okay?”

“Something stronger.”

And so he ended up stranded at a table with Erwin’s ex-lover at a party full of the upper class he
had always hated-yet-admired. Marie sat beside him, her elbows on the table, and smiled.

“It really is an honour,” she said. “They’re calling you Humanity’s Strongest.”

“I guess.” His eyes darted around the room as he tried to think of a way to get out of this without
completely ostracizing himself. “I’m supposed to be making rounds and meeting people.”

“I’ll save you some time.” She leaned closer and pointed at a large man with a top hat. “That man
there? He’s a pompous asshole who thinks he’s important. And that woman he’s with? Pompous
asshole. In fact—” Her hand swept the entire room. “Every single person you see is a pompous
asshole.”

He wanted so badly to hate her, but she was speaking his language. “Doesn’t that make you a
pompous asshole, too?”

“Fuck, yes. I’m the worst of the bunch.” She pulled a flask out of her handbag. “Pre-drink drink?”

“What is it?”

“Potato vodka.”

He gave in and slid an empty glass toward her. She poured him a generous helping, and he took a
sip.

“Not bad.” He eyed her. “Who brings a flask to a gala?”

“Do you have kids, Levi?”

“No.”

“If you did, you’d understand.” Her eyes twinkled, and she paused for a sip of alcohol. “By the
way, I was so sorry to hear about Anke. There aren’t many of the old gang left. How’s Mike
doing?”

“Same as always,” he said with a shrug. He glanced around for Erwin, and found him chatting
earnestly with Nile at the bar.

“So he’s still quiet, still sniffing things a lot?”

“Quiet?” Levi repeated. “Mike? Sometimes I can’t get him to shut up.”

“He must trust you a lot. I barely ever heard him speak.”

“Maybe he didn’t like you.” He took a long sip of his drink.

She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head with a small smile. “He wouldn’t be the first,
or the last.” Her eyes trailed the crowd, landing on the chatting pair. “And Erwin?” Her voice
softened. “Is he doing okay? That black eye seems a bit out of place.”

Levi eyed her and finished his drink.

Before the silence became too awkward, Erwin took a seat on Levi’s other side and set a glass of
amber liquid in front of him. “Not quite as good as that whiskey I had before, but it’s close. We
never did get that post-expedition drink.” His hand brushed Levi’s under the table, the motion too
precise to be an accident.

“I hope my wife didn’t say anything inappropriate while I was gone.” Nile took the last seat.

She frowned. “Thanks for your trust, Nile. You worried I’m going to start telling embarrassing
stories? Like the time you got so drunk that you pissed yourself and passed out, and it took four of
your friends to carry you back to the barracks?”

Nile’s teeth clenched. “Marie!”

“Or how about that time Anke and I convinced you and Erwin that we’d make out if you two did it
first?”

Her husband let out a low groan and buried his face in his hands.

Levi glowered at Erwin, who looked away, cheeks dark, and said, “That was a long time ago,
Marie.”

“I’m sure you remember it well. Nile wasn’t into it so much, but you put on a good show.”

“To be fair,” Erwin said, his tone matter-of-fact, “Nile was a surprisingly good kisser.”

“Screw you both,” came the muffled reply.

Levi’s lip curled as he fixed his gaze on his drink. The idea of it was nauseating: the man he
admired kissing that weaselly, bearded face, all because of some horny urge to see women kiss.
The Erwin he knew was a genius, a man of composure and sophistication, not a hormone-driven
brat.

The startling revelations were bothering Levi, but even worse were Erwin’s interactions with
Marie. Just what was their current relationship? Why did he keep giving her little glances when he
thought no one was looking?

Levi tossed back his drink and stood.

“Everything all right?” Erwin asked, but Levi pretended not to hear him and marched into the
crowd. He needed to get away from the conversation as quickly as possible.

He had a brief thought that he might try to mingle— at least one of us has to remember why we
came here— but the stench of perfume and fake laughter was choking him. His feet brought him to
the buffet table, and his stomach growled. Maybe food would help his mood. He selected a plate,
inspected it for cleanliness, and, satisfied, began to look over the thin cuts of meat.

“Levi,” Erwin said’s voice behind him.

“I’m busy.”
A hand closed over his shoulder, and Erwin spun him around to face him. “May I speak with you
for a moment?”

Levi was too angry, and too ashamed of the disproportionate scale of his anger, to engage in
rational conversation. “Can’t it wait? I’m fucking starving.”

The blue eyes searched his. “Okay,” Erwin said finally. He selected a plate and stepped into line
next to Levi.

As the line moved and they selected their food, his Commander spoke, his voice low: “While we
were getting drinks, I spoke with Nile about the last mission.”

“And?”

“And he was as evasive as I feared.”

Levi let out a low sigh. “Fine. I’ll deal with it tonight.” He wasn’t in the right mindset for the
break-in mission, but at least it would be an excuse to get out of this joke of a party.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I didn’t realize how strongly this setting would disagree with you.” Erwin’s
brows were pinched with concern, and that only made Levi angrier. He’s completely oblivious to
why I’m upset.

“ I’ve taken shits with more character than anyone at this shitty party,” he muttered.

Erwin didn’t seem to hear him. “About Marie.”

Levi waited. Maybe I’ll get an explanation after all.

“ You may hear some tales from my past that seem rather out of character.” Erwin glanced back at
the table. “Marie’s family owned the bar we used to frequent during our training days, and she was
often our bartender. I’m afraid it was in her best interest to get us as drunk as possible while staying
sober herself, so she has catalogued several embarrassing moments. I assure you, for most of my
youth, I was even more serious than I am now. Anything you hear was the exception rather than
the rule.”

“Okay.” It wasn’t the explanation he wanted, but he was too angry to properly express how he was
feeling. He preoccupied himself with selecting a few pickled vegetables from a tray. He could feel
Erwin watching him, but he didn’t turn to acknowledge him.

They returned to the table in silence.

As they ate, Nile and Marie began to reminisce about the old training days. While Erwin was
happy to bask in nostalgia, his eyes kept drifting to Levi. His sour expression deepened more and
more as the evening progressed. His earlier reluctance to say what was wrong worried Erwin. I
thought we were better at honesty by now.

His eyes also kept drifting to the seats of honour at the head of the room, to the empty throne
where the King should be seated. No one seemed to find it odd that he was yet again missing.

“I was hoping I might finally meet the King tonight,” he said at one point, and Nile shrugged it off.

“Since the fall of Wall Maria, he’s been busy ensuring our shrinking lands can support our
population. I’d rather he be hard at work than mingling with the rest of us.”

“Good point,” Erwin said without conviction, wondering why there was always an excuse.

The drinks flowed, and his inhibitions began to melt away, his body warm and fuzzy. He knew he
should be showing Levi around and introducing him to several distinguished guests, but it was so
pleasant to dwell on these memories, the time when they had all been innocent and happy. Even he,
with his goals and morbid visions of reality, had been more naive then—the titans, and all the
horrors that came with them, had been nothing but a concept.

Marie was in the middle of telling a story about the time Commander Pixis himself had been
drinking in her bar, when several other musicians joined the violinist and harpsichordist on stage.
A waltz began to play, and couples streamed onto the floor.

“Fucking finally,” Marie said. “Come on, Nile, let’s dance. Just this once.”

“I don’t dance,” Nile said, as if the words were an addendum to an argument they had rehashed
several times before.

“Fine.” The brown eyes locked onto Erwin, and his blood ran cold. “Erwin? How about it?” She
held out a hand. “Just like the old days?”

His eyes flicked up to Nile, who shrugged. “Go for it.”

Levi wouldn’t look at him.

“Very well,” Erwin said, still watching Levi as he reached for her hand. “It looks like there aren’t
any objections.” He had forgotten how tiny her hand was, how the narrow fingertips were always
cold. One day, he had walked her home late after a snow storm, and they had broken into an
impromptu snowball fight—afterwards, he had breathed onto her fingers to warm them—

He blinked, pulling himself away from the memory. “Shall we?”

She smiled. “Lead. I’ll follow.”

The words reminded him of Levi, and he cast one last look at him, but Levi still wouldn’t meet his
gaze. After this dance, decided Erwin, he would pull him aside for a chat.

He led Marie into the centre of the dance floor, then swooped her into position, and she gave a
shriek, then covered her mouth, embarrassed.

“Marie,” he chided. “Are you going to be able to keep up?”

“Shit, I wasn’t expecting that speed. You’re so much stronger than the last time we danced.” One
hand settled beside his neck, the other interlocking with his. “Taller, too. Much taller.”

“It’s been a long time.” He led her through the gliding steps, the movements coming easily even
after a decade and a half.

“You’re all grown up now,” she said, and he found he couldn’t look away from her long-lashed
eyes. “Commander of the fucking Survey Corps. I guess it was worth it.”

“Worth it?”

“Leaving me.” She delivered the words matter-of-factly, but he could see hurt flicker in her eyes.
“Marie—”

“No, it’s fine. I’m over it.” She smiled. “Nile is a kind husband and a good father. I love him. It’s
just … ”

“Just?” he prompted.

“Talking about the old days stirs up a few things.”

“I suppose it does.” Erwin broke their gaze to steer her through the crowd. He spun her out with as
much strength as he could, then back in, and she laughed; he chuckled, too. He had forgotten how
good it felt to be light on his feet, to use coordination for fun instead of life-or-death manoeuvring.

“I’m curious how you got all those bruises,” Marie said.

“I’ll leave it to your imagination.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Even that little love bite on your neck?” Her eyes sparkled.

He cleared his throat. “That’s a bruise.”

“Sure it is. You know, Erwin, I used to wonder why I couldn’t convince you to stay.” Her tone was
still light, but it seemed to strain at the edges. “Why you found titans so much more interesting
than me. But tonight, I think I finally figured it out.”

“Did you?” He spun her again.

“Yeah.” Her eyes narrowed with mischief, a smirk on her lips. “I didn’t have the right parts.”

“Parts?”

“Balls and a dick.”

His chest tightened, but he didn’t miss a beat: “Titans don’t have genitalia.”

“No, they don’t, but that’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.” Her gaze locked onto
their table. “Levi’s pretty cute.”

“Is he? I hadn’t noticed.” He felt sweat bead on his temple. There were very few people in the
world who could see through him, and Marie was one of them. If she guessed that he was involved
with Levi, Nile would have full access to that information, and he wasn’t sure Nile was
trustworthy.

“He’s feisty, too.” She arched a brow at him. “Just how you like them.”

“It does make him resilient on the field,” Erwin said, intentionally misunderstanding. “He’s already
our strongest soldier, even stronger than Mike, and he’s still improving. I imagine he’ll leave the
rest of us in the dust after a few more expeditions to hone his skills.”

She pursed her lips, unimpressed. “Please don’t embarrass yourself by playing dumb. I see the way
you look at him, like he’s the only person in the room who matters.” A corner of her lips lifted.
“Then again, it’s not just him—you’re looking at me that way, too.”

“Everyone with eyes is looking at you that way,” he said, trying to pull the conversation away from
Levi. “You haven’t aged a day, and that dress is elegantly tailored.”
“Flattery to make me change the topic? Real nice, Erwin.”

“It’s sincere. You look stunning.”

“Shut up,” she muttered, cheeks darkening.

He wanted to look for Levi, to see if he could read anything on that inscrutable face, but looking
for him would only cement Marie’s suspicions. He trained his focus on her instead, and their gaze
held.

His mind, still hazy with alcohol and nostalgia, began to drift. How would his life have played out
if he had given up his goals to start a family with her? She was certainly beautiful, and they had
always had excellent chemistry, even before they had become romantically involved. Their life
together would have been pleasant. He had to admit it was nice to look down at her and see the
genuine smile of someone who, in spite of all that had happened in the past year, lived a
comfortable life.

Then he thought of the struggle humanity faced. Any life they could have built together would
have been based on denial. People weren’t safe, any of them, even those cloistered within the
deepest walls. So long as that was a fact, he was unable to settle. The titans had to be eradicated,
and he didn’t trust anyone else to do the job.

Besides … He thought of the camaraderie on the field, the scent of sweat and blood, and the utter
faith in his team. The glide of pen against paper, the sensation of a wooden pointer sliding across a
map. Shared drinks in quiet times with those who survived, their bonds stronger than blood.

He thought of Levi, of all their moments together: that first hug in his office, their discussions on
the rooftop, on the guard tower, in his home. He thought of the way they fell into step so easily
together, flowing together. Their whole life was a dance. This warm nostalgia, this gala and all its
wrappings, they were all a farce in comparison.

“What’s that?” Marie asked.

“What’s what?” he asked, coming back to himself.

She touched his chin. “That smile. That’s not for me, is it?”

“No, it’s not,” he said, trying to pretend it didn’t hurt to see her face fall.

From the moment Erwin and Marie stepped onto the dance floor, Levi’s stomach began to sink,
and it sank further and further the longer he watched. Their eyes held, their bodies moving in
perfect synchronization, flushed smiles on their faces. He finished off another drink, not caring any
more if he was going to be too drunk to complete his mission. Anything to numb this hell.

He glanced over at Nile. Nile downed his own drink, then Marie’s, then reached over and finished
off Erwin’s.

“How fucking thirsty are you?” Levi asked. He didn’t really care, but even awkward discussion
was better than focusing on the couple and their perfect dance.

Nile stared at the dance floor, his face grim. “Does he ever talk about Marie?”

“No.”
There was a long pause, long enough that Levi’s eyes drifted back to the pair. Erwin was staring
fixedly at Marie as they spun. Levi waited for him to look over, even for a moment, but he seemed
to have forgotten the rest of the world existed.

“Do you trust him, Levi?” Nile asked softly.

“Yes. Absolutely.” Even if he was hurting, even if he was having doubts, he wasn’t going to open
up to a rat-faced man he barely knew.

“Let me tell you something about Erwin Smith.” Nile leaned closer. “When he has a goal in mind,
he will step over absolutely anyone, with no regard for how they might feel. He gets things done,
sure, but he brings with him a wave of destruction that leaves hurt people in his wake. His family.
Marie. Me. We’ve all seen it, all fallen victim to it. Be careful. You can trust him as long as your
goals align, but the second they don’t … ” He trailed off, his eyes glassy.

Levi’s jaw tightened. “What the hell are you trying to say?”

“We were so close, once. Like brothers. I didn’t even question that he would respect my
relationship, but take a good look at my wife and me. We both have dark hair and dark eyes, right?”

“Yeah?”

Nile’s gaze bored through him. “So why does my child have blond hair and blue eyes?”

The floor began to tilt beneath Levi. He looked over at Erwin and Marie, saw them whispering
together, their moves in perfect unison, Erwin’s hand so delicately resting on her lower back. Fuck!
He pushed away from the table and stood. The crowd, the music, it was all leaning in, touching
him, filthy with the sweat of hundreds of stinking, corrupt nobles. He pushed through the crowd.
Out. I need to get out.

As the dance continued, Marie’s mouth began to sag into a frown, her steps less enthusiastic. Erwin
trained his eyes on her, still not comfortable looking for Levi. Above all else, I have to pretend he
means nothing to me. I have to maintain this lie; even if she doesn’t believe it, Nile won’t be able to
use it against me if I just keep denying everything.

“ Does he know?” she asked. “Levi.”

He stepped beside her and twisted, the dance bringing her back against his front for a brief
moment. “Know what?”

She tilted a little to look up at him, dark eyes brimming with tears. “That you always choose titans,
in the end.”

His step faltered, and he forgot his lie. “Levi has the same goals I do.”

She shook her head. “No, Erwin. Be careful with this one. He’s more fragile than he pretends.”

“Are we talking about the same man?” he asked, brow furrowing. He spun her back into position.
“He’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“Maybe so, but you’re stronger than anyone, and you don’t even realize it. You’ll crush him if you
aren’t careful. You’ll leave him shattered.”
He studied her. “Is this about Levi, or about you?”

One of her tears spilled over. She looked down, lip curled, angrily swabbing at her face.

“Marie.” He stood still and tried to wipe one of her tears, but she knocked his hand away.

“Fuck off, Erwin.” Another tear spilled over, and he gave a low sigh.

“I thought we were long past this.”

“We were. I just— Fuck. I drank too much. I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea to
dance with you. I’m going back to the table.” She turned away.

“Marie.” He dropped a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “Are you happy with the way your life
played out?”

She stopped and looked up at him, her expression sullen, her eyes red.

“Do you like knowing that when your husband leaves for work, he’ll come back to you at the end
of the day?” he asked. “Are you happy that your child will grow up knowing both his mother and
father? Do you enjoy living deep in the walls, far away from the threat of the titans?”

She wiped her cheek again. “Yes.”

“Then it was worth it,” he said, releasing her shoulder. “You’re happy, and I’m happy. Think about
how our lives would have turned out if we had stayed together. It was never meant to be.”

Her eyes dropped away, and she turned. He lifted his eyes to look past her, back to the table. Back
to Levi.

Levi was gone.

He slowly turned and scanned the room, but he was nowhere to be seen. Possibly he was hidden
among the crowd, too short to be visible, but Erwin’s instincts told him otherwise. This setting was
too much for him.

Stepping into Levi’s mindset, he scanned the room again, trying to determine where he would have
gone. His eyes locked onto the staircase to the upper balcony. Whenever Levi was stressed, he
went higher.

Without looking back at the table, he made his way to the stairs.

As he climbed, Marie’s words echoed in his mind: you always choose titans, in the end . He had
been perfectly clear with Levi, hadn’t he? He hadn’t left any room for doubt: the titans would
always come first. If the situation arose where he had to choose between Levi and humanity’s
future, he would choose humanity in an instant. Levi would do the same.

Still, he found doubts licking at the back of his mind, and he tried to snuff them: We both
understand the terms of our relationship. If anything, I’ve mentioned it too often.

The realization hit him so hard that he froze mid-step, his knuckles white on the bannister: It’s not
that I doubt how clearly I’ve communicated it.

I doubt my ability to follow through.

He had failed before they had even kissed: when Levi had been missing, Erwin had been ready to
throw his life away, betting everything on an unlikely outcome. All his logic, all his strategy, they
all disappeared around Levi—he had already realized that was the case in the bedroom, but it went
beyond that. This was far deeper, far more insidious.

If I have to choose between Levi and my goals, will I be able to make the right choice?

He kept moving up the stairs, one at a time, legs heavy. Walking away from his family, from
Marie, had been surprisingly easy. Even moving on from Henrik, as devastating as his death had
been, hadn’t deterred him from his duties for long. Somehow, his feelings for Levi had wormed
their way into his resolve from the very beginning. It didn’t matter when they consummated it,
how fast they moved: he was already in over his head.

I should push away now, he thought. But as he considered it, he realized that was impossible.
Everything about Levi held him captive. His capability in the field, his speed, his power. His crass
nature and volatile temper. His obedience and respect, absolute, but not blind. His powerful
physique, his smile that only showed in his eyes. Even his tics, his weaknesses, his obsessions.
They had all woven around Erwin’s heart like vines, digging in, taking hold.

No, he was thinking about it all wrong. He wasn’t being held captive. He wasn’t a victim of
something uncontrollable. He had welcomed all this with open arms. Because above it all, no
matter how panicked he might feel, he wanted these feelings.

Can I still order him to die?

He scoured the balcony and found no sign of Levi, but his eyes were drawn to a curtain along the
wall, slightly out of place. Behind it was a metal door, open a crack. He slipped through it and
pulled it back into place behind him.

A metal staircase at the back of the room led to an open hatch on the roof. His heart pounded,
certain now that he was getting close, as he climbed up to the hatch and peered through it.

Levi sat on a ledge along the border of the flat roof, knees drawn to his chest, looking up at the
evening sky. Erwin paused to watch him, taking in the way the orange light and violet shadows
played across his skin.

A moment later, Levi’s eyes locked onto him, then his face twisted. He turned away. “Fuck off.”

Ignoring the inappropriate comment, Erwin stepped onto the roof and stood a few feet back. The
sky was a brilliant orange, the sun just dipping behind the horizon. Music rose up from the hall,
slightly muted, but still beautiful. Under happier circumstances, it could have been a romantic
setting.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” he said. “I sometimes forget how difficult parties are for more introverted people
than me.”

“I didn’t expect to have to watch you grope your ex on the dance floor,” Levi muttered, his arms
tightening around his chest.

Erwin looked at him, surprised. He’s jealous?

“ You could have warned me. I couldn’t figure out why you were so damned nervous. Thought it
was something important.”

“Levi—”
“No, I get it. It’s not like we’ve been together long. And I don’t have tits, or a perky personality, or
charisma. I can’t give you a child. We can’t even dance together without making those rich
assholes down there suspicious. I get it.” He curled tighter into himself. “But this mission I’m
going on tonight: is it really about Nile, or is it because he’s Marie’s husband? Are you checking
up to make sure she’s safe with him?”

“I would never put you in danger for something so petty.”

“Do you still love her?” Levi’s tone was so dull that it had to be faked.

He paused. “You knew from the beginning that I carry love with me long after relationships end.
My residual love for Henrik is why I wanted to proceed with caution—”

“No bullshit, Erwin. Answer the question.”

He tried to put words to his feelings. “She was my first love. I will always care for her, and I
suspect we will always have chemistry between us. But compared to—” He stopped, remembering
how spooked Levi had been about him moving on from Henrik too soon. He needed to tread
carefully when talking about his emotions this early in their relationship. “She is not a threat to you
in any way.”

Levi’s brows dropped, eyes fixed on empty air in front of him. “Sure looked like a threat, the way
you were dancing.”

“We spent the whole dance talking about you. She guessed I had fallen for you. I denied it as best I
could, but she saw right through me. I failed to protect our relationship, Levi, and I hurt you while I
was doing it. I really let you down tonight.”

Levi’s eyes finally fixed on him, and maybe it was Erwin’s imagination, but they looked glassy.

“May I join you, Levi?” he asked softly.

A shrug.

Erwin sat beside him, dangling his feet over the edge of the rooftop. The street was several stories
below them, and he suddenly realized he didn’t have his gear, and this height was an actual threat.
The street dipped away from him, a wave of vertigo threatening to overcome him, but he steeled
himself.

“I shouldn’t have told you to fuck off,” Levi said. “That was out of line.”

“It’s fine.” Erwin tore his gaze from the street, forcing himself to look at Levi instead. “It was my
second fuck you of the night, so that took some of the sting out of it.”

A narrow brow cocked in his direction. “Marie?”

“Yes. It caught me off guard. I had forgotten how blunt she can be.”

Levi shook his head. “Starting to get a feel for your type. Short, crass, and blunt.”

“You aren’t wrong.” He glanced sideways. “Feel like I was just approximating my type until now,
though. Everyone else pales in comparison to the real thing.”

There was a long pause, and his heart pounded as he waited to see if Levi would accept the
compliment.
Instead, Levi's heels drummed the brick. “Did you fuck Marie when Henrik died?”

Erwin stared at him, surprised. “Did Nile tell you that?”

“In a way.”

There didn’t seem to be any point in lying. “It’s a mistake we both regret.” He gave a low sigh,
ashamed to be dwelling on a moment he would sooner forget. “I was heartbroken, grieving and
looking for an escape. She didn’t give me any indication that she and Nile were still together, and I
should have asked, but I didn’t. Denial was more convenient.”

Levi’s face twisted and he looked away. “What the fuck, Erwin? You’re supposed to be a better
man than me. It’s the whole reason I followed you in the first place. Now I keep hearing more and
more bullshit about you, and it doesn’t make sense. It’s screwing with my head. I’ve spent months
thinking I wasn’t good enough for you—I can’t adjust to you being as stupid as the rest of us.”

Erwin shifted to face him. “I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, Levi, but I’m human. I’ve
made more than my share of mistakes. I’m certainly not above you. When the uniforms come off,
the hierarchy between us disappears.”

There was no response. Erwin searched his eyes, feeling like a piece of the puzzle was still
missing. “What did Nile tell you, exactly?”

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then looked away. “His kid looks like you.”

“What?”

“Blond hair, blue eyes. If you do the math, I bet the timing lines up.”

Erwin tried to decide how the information made him feel. He had never met the boy, and the idea
of having a son was so far removed from his reality that he couldn’t even imagine it. He felt
nothing.

“Nile’s father is fair-haired, and that can skip a generation,” he said, finding it easiest to dismiss
the notion entirely. “And one night is statistically unlikely to result in a pregnancy. Too many
factors would have to align. Besides, Marie would have mentioned something by now. Nile is that
child’s father.”

“And if he isn’t? Making a kid together is supposed to be the deepest bond two people can share.”

Erwin cast him a sidelong glance, suddenly understanding where his insecurity was coming from.
He thinks that when I’m with a man, I’ll miss the things a woman can bring to a relationship.

“ Which do you think would hold more weight with me, Levi? The bond, through a child I never
met, with a woman I willfully abandoned? Or the bond with a man who has followed me into hell
and come out the other side, because we relied on each other in mind, body, and spirit?”

Levi’s throat bobbed, their gaze holding.

The last sliver of the sun dipped beneath the horizon. In the background, the music shifted to a
slow, melancholy song. Emotion flooded Erwin’s chest.

He stood and held out his hand. “Let me show you my real dance. I want you to see, by
comparison, that I was just going through the motions when I was dancing with Marie.”
Levi turned away. “I’m not done being pissed off.”

Even though Erwin’s heart ached from the rejection, he didn’t withdraw his hand. “I need you to
understand something, Levi. I hurt Marie terribly when I left to join the Survey Corps. Tonight, she
warned me not to do the same to you, to make sure you understood that my goals will always come
before love. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized something.”

Levi’s eyes shifted toward him, waiting.

Erwin spoke clearly, his voice strong: “If it had been you instead of Marie, I wouldn’t have been
able to leave you behind.”

In the silence that followed, he reached for Levi’s arm and lifted it, then trailed to the end,
intertwining their fingers. “Do you understand how much that terrifies me, Levi? I’m grateful
beyond words that we share the same goals. I’m not strong enough to leave you behind. I tried last
week, and it broke me.”

Levi slowly rose to his feet. His hand twisted; their palms met. “I think you could leave me behind,
if you had to. But I’d never force you to make that choice. I’ll be by your side.”

The music downstairs began to crescendo, and Erwin’s skin erupted into goosebumps.

“May I have this dance?” he asked, and Levi shrugged.

“I only know how to lead, but I can’t lead you. You’re too tall.”

“Then how about a dance where neither of us leads?” Erwin held a hand in front of his chest.
“Press your palm to mine.”

Levi looked up at him quizzically, but obeyed.

“Now the other hand, then back again.”

“What is this?” Levi asked, following the motions.

“Winter’s Kiss, a dance that was popular among youths when I was a boy. Next we spin around
each other in three steps. Watch my feet.”

Levi easily picked up the steps, and they began to move properly with the music: one, two, three,
spin, always rotating around each other like snowflakes on a breeze. It was a simple dance, almost
childish, with no body contact except for their hands, but somehow, the limited contact only made
it more exhilarating.

The music began to pick up speed and swell, rising and falling, and their dance followed. As they
whirled, Erwin’s head began to spin, the dizziness combining with the wine and his feelings for
Levi to give him a potent high. Heat blistered between their palms, the sensation heightened by the
contrasting lack of touch. Levi’s grace was beautiful, his timing impeccable, their shared gaze their
only anchor as the world around them whirled.

Erwin’s heart soared. No logic, no strategy. No past, no future, just you, Levi. You and me.

The song rang its final chords, and his throat ached. He didn’t want it to end, not yet, it was too
soon …

Silence brought them to a standstill. He stared down at Levi, both of them breathing hard.
“Shit,” Levi said. “That was pretty good.”

Erwin gave a nod, assigning it the gravity of a bow. “I suppose all good things must end.”

“Only if we let them.” Levi held out his hand. “Lead. I’ll try my best to follow.”

With a smile, Erwin pulled him into position as the next song began. This was a softer song, with a
waltzing lilt and a major key, but his throat was still tight from the drama of the song before it. He
forced Levi against his body, his grip too tight. Levi kept trying to fight him, pulling in different
directions, and they stumbled.

“Let me lead,” Erwin said quietly.

“Loosen your grip,” Levi replied.

The exchange seemed to speak to a deeper truth about their relationship, but Erwin was too drunk
with wine and dance to give it much thought. He loosened his grip, and their dance began to flow.
They glided across the rooftop, effortlessly reading each other’s bodies. He was surprised that Levi
was such a good dancer—yet another facet of him that contradicted everything Erwin knew about
him. Confident they were reading each other well, he spun Levi out and brought him back in. They
fell back into step with the precision of a couple that had been dancing together for years.

“You dance well.”

“Better than this.” Levi’s eyes twinkled. “Give me a challenge.”

Erwin smirked. “If you insist.” He twirled him and spun on his heel, his steps broad and complex.
He could tell Levi didn’t know the proper steps, but he improvised, easily keeping pace.
Admiration swelled in Erwin’s chest, warm and comfortable, and he felt his lips widen into a grin.
That adaptability and dexterity were impressive, both on the battlefield and off.

As the music began to wind down, he dipped Levi low, their faces so close that he could feel harsh
breaths on his face.

Levi was smiling.

Perhaps ‘smile’ wasn’t the right word for it—the top row of teeth was showing, and there was a
faint curve to the lips, but there was no crease below the eyes, no movement of the cheeks. On
anyone else, it would be a grimace, at best. On this face, however, it was a sign of bliss.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Levi asked.

Erwin bent down to taste the not-quite-a-smile, tracing it with his tongue. Levi leaned into it, their
tongues meeting, his hands raking Erwin’s hair. It was the wildest kiss since their first, bordering
on frenzied, and Erwin reluctantly tore himself away to gasp for breath.

Light-headed, he stood tall, lifted Levi upright, then smoothed back a strand of hair that had fallen
loose to marr Levi’s perfect coif. The new hairstyle was forcing Erwin to look at him with fresh
eyes, re-discovering his handsome features: high forehead; fine, straight nose; thick black
eyelashes and slender eyebrows; that small mouth that so rarely revealed those small teeth, slightly
crooked, but surprisingly white.

A flush coloured the pale cheeks. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” Erwin asked, tracing the lean jaw with a knuckle.
“Looking at me that way. I don’t know what it means.”

It means I love you. The thought spontaneously burst into Erwin’s mind, and his breath caught. So
soon? He repeated the words in his mind— I love you, Levi— his heart racing. They were as
freeing as his first trip outside the walls, and just as terrifying, but they made one thing abundantly
clear: he was ready to give all of himself. The weight of the past slid off his shoulders, and he
stood tall.

“We should get back downstairs. I’ll introduce you to a few people to establish your alibi, and then
you can head out on your mission.” He gripped Levi’s shoulders and stared him squarely in the
eye. “And when we meet again at the hotel, I want you to have sex with me.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “You mean oral sex? Or sex sex?”

Erwin leaned close to his ear. “I want you inside me.”

He felt a shiver ripple through Levi; in spite of the shiver, Levi stepped back and said, “Erwin, how
drunk are you?”

He was quite drunk, true, but this decision was a culmination of thoughts he had been having all
day. “You were right: we haven’t been moving slowly at all. Whether we have sex tonight or a
month from now won’t matter. What will matter is you being willing to coax me through it, and
me being open about what I’m experiencing. I think we have been doing an admirable job of it so
far.” He felt his cheeks darken, and he was glad the dimming light would mask his blush.

“Don’t offer it unless you mean it,” Levi said, his face strained. “Do you understand how badly I
want you? If this is all drunken bullshit—”

“No bullshit. I want to feel close to you. I want to feel your pleasure and mine at the same time, as
one.” Erwin cupped his cheeks and bent down, pressing a soft kiss into his forehead.

A low, shuddering groan sounded in Levi’s throat, and he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around
Erwin’s waist and pulling him in for a tight hug.

“As soon as you give me permission,” Levi murmured, “I’m going to be on you so fucking fast.”

Erwin’s eyes fluttered closed. Between the enthusiastic words and the lingering intensity of the
dance, his pants were uncomfortably tight. He clutched Levi to his chest and buried his face in the
dark hair. I love you, he mouthed there, where it was safe, where only he would know the words
existed. His head was swimming now, and he wasn’t sure anymore if it was wine or love or lack of
blood flow.

Levi pulled away. “Okay, stop holding me like that, or I’m going to end up fucking you right here,
and this mission isn’t going to happen.”

Stepping back, Erwin said, “I need a moment to cool off before we head back downstairs.”

“Yeah, me too.” Levi adjusted the front of his pants.

They sat on the ledge of the roof again, a different type of tension burning between them this time.
The moon was low on the horizon, glowing yellow, and a couple stars were already shining in the
darkening sky.

“Maybe sober up a bit while I’m gone,” Levi said, and he added slyly, “You’re no good to me
drunk.”
“I’m not that drunk.”

“You sure as hell aren’t sober. You didn’t even look around to make sure the area was secure
before you started dancing with me and begging me for sex.” Levi cocked a brow at him. “You
don’t hold your drink well, do you?”

“I haven’t had much occasion to practice.”

They sat silently for a few minutes, listening to the music and the muted crowds from below. A
cool breeze wafted past them, sending a shiver through Erwin’s body.

“Erwin?”

“Yeah?”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“What?”

“Sex.”

Erwin turned to look at Levi, and was surprised to see him hunched over, shrinking into the ledge.
“It will work.”

“We both came into this expecting to top, and—”

“We’ll make it work. I promise you, Levi. Don’t overthink it. Everything else has come naturally
so far. This will, too. And if not, we’ll figure it out together.” He rose to his feet and held out his
hand. “We should get downstairs and make our rounds.”

Levi accepted his hand and stood. “Fine. Let me know when it’s safe for me to slip out. The whole
mission should take about an hour.”

“Okay.” Erwin hesitated. “Be careful, Levi. If at any point you feel you’re in danger, please retreat.
I’m only sending you on this mission because I think the risk is low enough to be worth the
potential benefits, so if I’ve gauged the situation wrong and you need to withdraw, trust your
instincts.” The last time he had assessed a mission to be low risk, it had almost cost him Levi.

“I’ll be fine. Wait.” Levi reached up and smoothed stray hair off Erwin’s forehead, tucking it
behind his ear. “There.”

They exchanged one last kiss, then walked toward the hatch, Erwin leading, Levi following closely
behind.
 Infiltration
Chapter Notes

My apologies for taking longer than usual with this update. Thank you so much for
your kind kudos and comments and, of course, your patience. They mean the world to
me!

Previous chapter: Past and present collide at the gala, where Levi meets Nile and
Marie and learns more about Erwin's past. In the end, the two share an intense dance
on the rooftop, and decide they're ready to take their relationship to the next level...but
first, Levi has a mission to complete.

-12-

Infiltration

As they stepped away from the roof and back through the curtain, Levi felt Erwin’s hand at his
lower back, guiding him through, just as he had when they left the hotel bar. Does he know he’s
doing that? It might attract suspicion—Erwin was touchy-feely, sure, but the gesture was a little
too intimate, a little too noticeable. At some point, Levi would have to bring it to his attention, but
for now, he would stay silent and enjoy it. After the intensity of the dance and the kiss, he was
ravenous for contact.

I want you to have sex with me, whispered Erwin’s voice in his mind, and he shivered. How the
hell was he supposed to concentrate on his mission knowing what awaited him upon his return?

They approached the railing along the balcony overlooking the dance floor. Levi leaned against it,
watching the crowd. The party was growing chaotic, strains of obnoxious laughter and yells rising
above the music. His upper lip curled into a sneer. Even a conversation or two, just enough to
establish his alibi, was going to be difficult to endure. He wished for some liquid courage to help
him cope, but if he kept drinking, he wasn’t going to be sober enough to complete his mission. He
was already too drunk as it was.

“There.” Erwin leaned in so close that their cheeks were almost touching; he pointed to a balding
man with a moustache near the centre of the room. “That’s Commander Pixis. He’ll be our first
stop.”

Their target was beet red, leaning heavily on a woman beside him. “He’s pissed out of his gourd,”
Levi said.

“That’s not unusual.” Shifting his finger toward a tall, lanky man with brown hair, Erwin
continued, “Next will be that man, Reinhold Schultz—he and the people flanking him are
prominent members of the merchant’s guild. I’d like to introduce you to them, show you off a
little, if you don’t mind. We need to position ourselves to be attractive investments if military funds
dry up.”
“Why would they dry up? Your formation increased our survival rates, didn’t it? I thought these
assholes liked it when we survived.”

“Let’s just say a good Commander always has a contingency plan, and leave the rest of that
discussion for another time and venue. Our final stop will be the man and woman standing to the
right of the throne.”

Levi’s eyes fixed on the targets. They were clearly of the noble class, with gaudy finery trimmed
with fur and precious metals. “What the hell are they wearing?”

“They’d look right at home in our hotel lobby, wouldn’t they?” Erwin said. “Maybe hanging on the
wall like the tacky, useless artwork they are. Shall we?”

He really is drunk , thought Levi as they walked toward the staircase. This was the first time he had
ever heard Erwin openly insult someone.

As they descended, his eyes drifted back to their table. Nile and Marie were still seated; Nile was
speaking with another couple, but Marie’s eyes were on Erwin. As if sensing she was being
watched, her eyes shifted to Levi. For a moment, they stared at each other, and then she gave him a
sad little smile and a nod, something between no hard feelings and good luck . Unsure how to
respond, Levi looked away.

“This way,” Erwin said, oblivious. He plucked two glasses of wine off the bar, then handed one to
Levi as he led him across the floor. Pixis was speaking with a pretty young woman, his speech and
movements so laboured that Levi swore he could smell his alcohol-soaked breath from ten metres
away.

“Commander Pixis,” Erwin said, stopping in front of him to give a salute. “I wondered if we might
have a word with you.”

Pixis looked up, eyes bloodshot and twinkling. “Put that salute away, Smith. We’re peers now, and
you’ll spill your wine.” He leaned forward, squinting. “Who’s the little fellow?”

Levi’s brows dropped, and he opened his mouth to reply, but Erwin spoke up first:

“Please allow me to introduce Squad Leader Levi, sir.”

“Ah, the man from the Underground. Shorter than I expected. Smaller.” The elderly man peered at
him. “Are you really as strong as they say, lad?”

“Stronger than you, old man,” Levi growled.

“Levi,” Erwin said, a note of warning in his voice.

“What? He’s too drunk to remember any of this, anyway.”

A deep guffaw erupted from Pixis’ mouth. “You’d be surprised. This old man is sharper than he
seems. Now Smith, Shadis tells me you are something of a strategist. I’d like your opinion on the
situation in Karanese District.”

As the Commanders spoke, Levi’s interest faded, and his eyes wandered. After the intensity of his
rooftop dance with Erwin, this party no longer seemed intimidating—now it just seemed sad. All
these people were connecting in meaningless ways, their shared moments amplified by alcohol
instead of love. It was all hollow, right down to the excess food, no doubt procured from reserves
that were about to spoil; given the state of the food industry, there wasn’t much left to replace it.
One last binge before they began to starve with the rest of the population. It was only going to be
coughed up later that night, anyway, their guts poisoned by excess drink. What a waste. To think I
used to want to be one of these pigs.

Erwin said his farewell to Pixis, and Levi followed wordlessly as they moved to the merchant
circle. If this meeting was as strategic as Erwin said, then he didn’t want to screw anything up by
opening his mouth. He nodded his greeting, sipped his wine, nodded along when Erwin praised his
attributes, then gave firm handshakes as they left.

Once they were a safe distance away, Erwin smiled down at him. “You did a good job back there.”

“I wasn’t even paying attention.”

“Well, you came off as polite and attentive.” His eyes fixed on the gaudily-dressed pair, their third
target, and his mouth set in a straight line. “I’m not sure I can do this one.”

“Too drunk?” Levi asked, unable to fathom any other reason.

“The man is Lord Sahlo, one of the nobles who pushed for that slaughter of an expedition after
Wall Maria fell.”

Levi’s jaw clenched, remembering the innocent, untrained citizens falling around him. It had been
a cull, a way to trim the population under the guise of an attempt to reclaim the wall. It had also
been his second major expedition, the one that had lost him his entire team—the one that left him
sobbing in Erwin’s office afterwards. There had been so much death …

“Why the hell are you sucking up to him?” he growled.

“He’s a dangerous man,” Erwin said quietly. “I need to monitor him—no, more than that: I need to
learn how to control him. His move wasn’t just a callous way to thin humanity’s numbers—it was
also a ploy to turn public opinion against the Survey Corps. In spite of the whole expedition being
the government’s decision, the Wings of Freedom were stained that day with the blood of
innocents, and it was our command that left with many and returned with none. I’m certain he’s
filing that away for the future, waiting for an opportunity to manipulate the populace against us.”
His eyes had deadened, his tone flat.

Levi’s skin crawled. He sounds paranoid. He hated the government’s decision, hated it with every
fibre of his being, but he was certain it was all a matter of numbers to them, not some obscure
conspiracy to disparage the Survey Corps. They simply weren’t that important.

“Is that really what you think?” he asked. “Or are you just drunk?”

Erwin’s eyes fixed on him, and light came back into the blue irises. “I’ve overdone it, haven’t I?”

“The drink or the paranoia?” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Look, can I just go on my
mission? Now that I know that Lord Asshole over there—”

“Sahlo.”

“—is responsible for all those deaths, all I want to do is kick his face in.”

“Very well. I think you’ve made enough of an impression that no one will suspect your absence.”
Erwin’s face softened, and he leaned close to whisper, “Be careful, Levi. Don’t forget what I told
you.”
“That I’m going to fuck you tonight?”

“That you must back out immediately if you’re in danger. Come back safely.”

“I’ll be fine.” Levi nodded and, desperate for contact, gripped Erwin’s bicep as a farewell. He
immediately wished he hadn’t—the gesture seemed so forced and melodramatic that even Erwin
looked down at him with amusement. “Uh.” He let go, turned and slipped through the hall, his ears
burning.

He fought his way between drunken couples near the exit, then walked briskly toward the hotel.
Once he stepped into the hotel room, his eyes drifted toward the bed. He really shouldn’t allow his
mind to wander—he had to focus on his mission—but for just a moment, he let himself entertain
the near future. Tonight, Erwin and I will have sex on that bed. A shiver rippled down his spine as
he remembered the power of their dance, the way the heat from Erwin’s palms had seared his skin.
Whatever intensity they had tapped into on that rooftop, it was going to blister between them when
their naked bodies were pressed together.

He bit the inside of his cheek.

Sex was something he was good at; he had more than a decade of practice, and insecurities about
his height and size had encouraged him to perfect his skills. He knew how to read another man’s
body better than his own. All their encounters until now suggested Erwin would be no different.

But he was different. This was the first time Levi had come into a relationship feeling inferior to
his partner. Maybe he shouldn’t feel that way after all he had learned about Erwin tonight, but a
part of him still did. And the height difference, and all the complications that came with that, didn’t
help anything.

He took a deep breath. Stop freaking out about it and focus on your mission.

Opening a drawer, he found the old clothes he had brought along for the mission: black cotton
pants, a long-sleeved dark brown shirt. Once he had changed, he pulled on his military-issue boots,
dropping the loose pants over top of them to disguise them. The last touch was to tuck a black scarf
into one pocket, and a pair of dark leather gloves into another. The scarf would serve as a face
mask once he was in position: it would protect his identity, and also shield him from dust. His
route into the building wasn’t well tended by the janitorial staff.

He took a few steps forward, and then grimaced—the thin pants were getting caught on the knee
flaps of the boots, hindering his movement. In retrospect, he should have tested out the
combination before he finished packing. He cast a glance back at his dress shoes, but immediately
discarded the idea. They had stiff soles, too noisy, too difficult to climb with. His military boots
were soft-soled and broken in. He’d just have to bear with the awkward catching sensation until he
was away from the crowds, and then he could safely tuck them in without worrying about drawing
attention.

On his way out of the room, he grabbed the lock picking set Erwin had given him, tucking it into
the back of his pants.

The streets were busy with townsfolk out for late dinners or drinks, but the alleys were almost
empty, so he stuck to them instead. The scent of rotting garbage was at once revolting and familiar,
flooding him with contradicting sensations: nostalgia, shame, claustrophobia, loneliness.

At the next intersection, he switched back to using the main streets.

Old memories would just cloud his focus.

Erwin’s resolve was fading.

He had intended to play the entire room, but the crowd was getting drunker, louder and less
coherent. Faking interest in a conversation with nobles was exhausting enough as it was, let alone
when they were rambling and slurring.

Distraction was also sapping his energy; his thoughts were growing heavy with the realization that
he had screwed up his relationship with Nile. He had come here with the intention to judge whether
or not Nile was trustworthy, but had come off as the untrustworthy one instead. He should have
been extra careful not to seem flirty with Marie, especially with Nile already suspicious about
Jasper’s parentage. Reopening Marie’s wounds hadn’t done him any favours, either. He should
find them and apologize, try to smooth things over.

When he looked over, however, their table was empty.

He glanced back at the drunken masses, then turned away. The Doks lived nearby. A walk might
sober him up a little.

As he stepped outside, the din quieted and the chilly night air settled over him, leaving his skin
tingling. He had always found a strange peace in observing a big event from a distance, and he
paused to watch the entrance for a moment, enjoying the self-imposed isolation. This felt more
natural than trying to work the crowd.

Though, one part of his evening had felt even more natural. His eyes trailed up to the roof, and he
smiled, taking a moment mentally retrace every step he and Levi had taken together.

He turned on his heel and set out, his step light.

As he walked, he began to plan his evening. After he spoke with Nile and Marie, he would stop at
a shop and buy a nice bottle of wine, maybe a couple candles. Nothing too fancy—romance would
probably make Levi uncomfortable.

Then, he would draw himself a bath and clean as carefully as he could, inside and out. He wasn’t
sure what to expect when it came to sex with Levi, but being as clean as possible was certain to be
a requirement.

Finally, he would settle in a chair with a book and wait for his return. Hopefully, the mission
wouldn’t take too long. After the way the last expedition had ended, Erwin was skittish about
putting Levi in harm’s way, more skittish than he was willing to admit.

He turned onto the street where the Doks lived. Their house was a small single-story home with a
tidy rock garden along its front. Erwin approached the doorway, took a deep breath, and then
knocked.

On the other side of the door, he heard pounding footsteps and a cry of, “They’re home!”

The door flew open. A small boy stood in the doorway.

“Jasper!” A girl fell into place behind him, presumably his sitter. She stared for a moment, then
blurted, “Commander Erwin?”
Erwin was so focussed on the boy that he barely heard her. The boy blinked up at him. He had
wheat-blond hair and lashes, his nose long and sharp. Even at his young age, his cheekbones were
already high and prominent.

“You must be Jasper Dok.” Erwin's voice cracked.

The boy nodded.

“Are your parents home yet, Jasper?”

The only response was a long stare, and Erwin stared back. Many boys have blond hair in their
youth that darkens as they age, he told himself. And that could be Nile’s nose.

“ Captain and Mrs. Dok aren’t due back for a little while yet, sir,” the sitter said. “I can get you
some paper, if you’d like to leave a message?”

“Yes, please,” he replied, and the girl ducked into the house.

“You’re Erwin?” Jasper asked, half hiding behind the door.

“I am.” He slowly sank to a crouch, lowering himself to the child’s eye level. The blue eyes were
large, and they turned up in the corners. Like mine.

“ Mommy and Daddy said you kill lots of titans,” the boy said, his face filled with wonder. “They
said you’re very brave.”

Erwin swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. He has Marie’s brows and lips.

“ Sir.” The sitter appeared in the doorway. She handed him a stick of graphite and a sheet of paper.

“Thank you.” Erwin pressed the paper against the brick wall, then paused. The two of them
watched him expectantly, as if he were about to compose some great speech, but he couldn’t find
any words. He looked down at Jasper again, his heart twisting.

My dear Nile and Marie, he wrote, I’m sorry. Erwin.

He folded the paper in half and handed it to the girl.

“That’s it?” she asked, looking disappointed.

“What’d you write?” Jasper asked.

“An apology,” he replied.

“Why?”

“They’ll understand.” He had come here intending to apologize for his behaviour at the gala, but
he owed them too many apologies to count. For hurting Marie by leaving her. For hiding his initial
relationship with Marie from Nile, and later, for having an affair with her. For refusing to attend
their wedding, for cutting them out of his life, using the excuse that Nile had betrayed him by
choosing the Military Police, when the truth was that he couldn’t bear to see them live out the life
he could never have.

Even after all that, Erwin was important enough to them that their child knew his name. In return,
he had scarcely let Nile or Marie cross his mind since he had joined the Corps. Yes, that was
ultimately what it came down to: he was apologizing for being a bad friend.
And more than that … He looked solemnly down at the child. He felt a sudden urge to hold him
close, to protect him from all the evils in the world, both inside and outside the walls.

“Jasper,” he said instead, “you are a very lucky boy. Your mother is one of the strongest women I
have ever met, and your father works hard to provide a good life for your family. Even before you
were born, you were his number one priority. You are very lucky to be a Dok.”

The child blinked at him, and Erwin hesitated. How much comprehension does a four-year-old
have? He hadn’t spent much time around children, even when he had been one himself.

Clearing his throat, he stood tall. “Goodnight,” he said to the boy and his sitter.

As he strode down the street, his fists tightened.

He had always told himself that Nile had taken the easy way out, that he had been too lazy to make
any sacrifices. Now, Erwin realized he had misjudged. At the end of the day, they had both chosen
their sacrifices: Nile had put aside all his ideals to build his family and keep it safe. It was a choice
Erwin was unable—unwilling—to make.

It didn’t matter who had provided the seed: Nile was the child’s father. Erwin had forfeited that
option years ago.

Seeing the Military Barracks by night stirred up memories, and Levi steeled himself. Focus.

He was pleased to see the night patrol concentrated near the entrance: three guards, one male, two
female, chatting idly. A quick scan of the roof revealed no guards, and there were only a few lights
on in the windows. Levi felt a swell of admiration for Erwin’s timing: with the gala distracting the
main police force, this was the perfect night for the mission.

His lips settled into a frown as he looked at Nile’s window. The light was on. He would aim for the
storeroom next door, then use the rafters to work his way toward the office. Hopefully the office
was empty, and Nile had just left the lamp on by mistake, but he would approach it as if it were
occupied just to be safe.

Using his peripheral vision to survey everyone around him, he arced his path toward the close end
of the building, where an overhang created deep shadows. This was the route he had always used to
visit Niklaus; he could follow the shadows along the wall to a dark corner where the building
jutted out at a ninety-degree angle. A brick chimney in the corner gave him cover; instead of being
built into the corner, it was offset by about a metre, forming a little alcove that shielded him from
prying eyes.

Standing inside the alcove, he tucked his pant legs into his boots, tied the scarf over his nose and
mouth, and then pulled on the gloves. He looked up for jutting bricks along the wall and chimney,
planning his ascent.

As he began to climb, he subconsciously kept his hips tight and his leg movements small, as if
trying not to jostle his non-existent gear. Once he realized he was doing it, he snorted softly to
himself. The gear truly had become an extension of his body. He had to admit it was liberating
trying to manoeuvre without being hampered by the scabbards, but this entire climb would have
been over in about two seconds with the grapple.

By the time he reached the fourth floor, his fingers and forearms ached. He forced himself to
endure the ache for one moment longer, pausing to scan the area for any sign that he had attracted
attention. Seeing none, he swung toward a small ledge above the fourth floor windows. The ledge
was just barely wide enough for him to skulk along, one foot in front of the other. He wobbled at
first, still drunk, but then found his balance. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he turned his body to
edge past a small overhang. His shoulders were much wider now than the last time he had done
this, though the leg muscles from gear manoeuvring had thankfully lowered his centre of gravity,
making it easier to balance.

He passed over Nile’s office and stopped above the storeroom. Gripping the ledge, he lowered his
feet to the tiny lip around the storeroom window, and then gingerly released one gloved hand.
Careful to maintain his balance, he reached for the window and pushed. Locked.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. With his one free hand, he reached under the back of his shirt
and pinched the head of each of the lock picking tools. The one he wanted was in the middle: a
long, flat tool with a small hook at the top. He withdrew it and slipped it between the window and
the brick, looking for the latch.

His movements were too clumsy, too imprecise. His other hand, the one clawed into the ledge to
anchor him, was beginning to ache, and fatigue rippled through his shoulder muscles in waves. He
had grown accustomed to broad, circular movements, not stationary exertion like this. By the time
he found the latch, sweat was beading on his upper lip.

The window opened. He swung through it and dropped to the floor. As he waited for his eyes to
adjust, he strained his ears. He could vaguely hear conversation a few rooms away, a male and a
female voice, but he couldn’t make out any words. A few minutes later, the voices stopped.

The room around him slowly began to take shape in the dim light from the window: shelves,
stacked boxes, cleaning supplies. He set his jaw before nostalgia could overtake him. He wasn’t
here to remember; he was here to follow Erwin’s orders. He eased the window shut, then climbed
the nearest set of shelves.

The Military Police building, like everything in the military, had security flaws that were easy for
an enterprising thief to exploit. One of the biggest flaws was the ceiling system: some genius
architect must have decided that the typical military wooden rafters were too gaudy, because they
had designed a false ceiling of square wooden panels below the rafters. Levi squatted on the top
shelf, slid a wooden panel aside, hoisted himself onto a rafter, and then slid the panel back into
place below him. Now he could freely crawl from rafter to rafter, perfectly hidden from view by
the panels. The rafters were coated with dust, and his nose wrinkled. At least his mask would
prevent him from inhaling too much of it. The last thing he needed was to give away his position
with a sneeze.

Another major security flaw was the wall system between offices. They must have been added as
an afterthought long after the building was constructed, because they didn’t properly align with the
ceiling. The result was a gap above each wall, just large enough for a small man like Levi to climb
into the next room. The fit was tighter than he remembered—he had bulked up a lot since the days
when he had been courting Niklaus—but still manageable. He squeezed through and continued
along the rafters, shielded by the false ceiling.

The next room over was Nile’s office. Levi squeezed through the gap above the wall, then settled
onto a rafter to take in his surroundings. Light shone between the wooden panels of the faux
ceiling, projecting a grid-like outline on the ceiling above him. He listened, cautious. Hearing
nothing, he reached down, intending to slide a panel aside, just a crack, so he could scope out the
office.

At the sound of footsteps, he froze, his fingertips just barely brushing the panel. He heard an
exasperated sigh below him:

“Aren’t you done yet?”

Marie’s voice. Levi’s jaw clenched. What the hell is she doing here?

“ Just a few more minutes,” Nile replied, irritated.

Shit. Levi shifted his weight back onto the rafter and focused on keeping his breaths quiet.

He heard the sound of shuffling papers, then Marie’s voice: “This isn’t really the romantic night I
had in mind.”

“Yeah, well me neither.” More papers shuffling. “This really can’t wait. I’m sorry.”

“Will you at least tell me what’s so damned important?”

A sigh, then Nile said, “Erwin was asking some strange questions.”

Levi’s heart beat in his throat. What papers is he moving around? Is he destroying evidence?

“ Do you have something to hide?” Marie asked.

“Of course not! But you know Erwin—he’s paranoid. I bet you anything he’s going to come
nosing around here the first chance he gets, and he’ll start misinterpreting everything and making
wild theories—”

“Nile,” Marie interrupted. “You’re the one who’s paranoid.”

Once again, Levi found himself liking the woman.

“Yeah, well,” Nile said, “doubt me all you want, but I guarantee you we’re about ten minutes away
from a knock on that door, and Erwin will come waltzing in with a false smile, spinning his words,
trying to trap me in his delusions.”

“Tonight?” Marie asked, surprised. “Don’t you think he’s all over Levi by now?”

Shit! Levi slunk against the rafter.

There was a long pause, then Nile said, “‘All over’ as in some sort of physical altercation?”

“‘All over’ as in having sex. You didn’t notice the way they were looking at each other?”

Another pause. “Erwin isn’t gay.”

“No, but he isn’t straight, either. Trust me, I know that look in his eye. Those two are going to duck
out the first chance they get and spend the whole night—”

“I don’t want to know,” Nile said, his voice rising in pitch. “For fuck’s sake, Marie, we were
roommates. I used to change in front of him!”

“Calm down.”

“Did you know he was gay back when you and Anke made me kiss him?”

“He’s not—” A sharp sigh. “Can we drop this? I’m sorry I brought it up.”
For a minute, the only sound was the scratching of a pen. Levi closed his eyes, cursing Erwin. Here
he was risking his neck to determine if Nile could be trusted, and before they had come to any
conclusions, Erwin had effectively handed Nile’s wife the one secret they had. This bastard had
better end up being trustworthy.

“ Come on, Nile.” Marie’s voice took on a warm tone. “You don’t need to finish this tonight. If we
leave now, we can stop at the old alley on the way home and spend a bit of time recreating some
memories. Then you can get up early tomorrow and finish up here. Okay?”

“What kind of memories?” Nile asked quietly.

“Remember when we got stranded after the winter dance of ‘42?”

He gave a low hum, and there was the sound of kissing. Levi let his head loll back against a support
beam, biting the inside of his cheek. In theory, overhearing this conversation was helping him
gather intelligence, but in practice, his feet were growing numb from his awkward crouch. Keep
talking or get a move on, you assholes.

A few minutes later, Nile murmured something too quiet to overhear. There was the sound of a
drawer closing, then locking. The door opened, the lamp went out, footsteps sounded, and the door
closed.

Levi sat in the dark, tense, waiting to make sure they weren’t going to return. After several
minutes, he let out a long, soft breath.

Sliding a panel aside, he dropped into the room. He felt around the surface of the desk for the
lamp, then lit it, keeping the light dim.

Nile’s office was the messiest he had ever seen. The walls were lined with bookshelves, but instead
of being neatly alphabetized like the ones in Erwin’s room, the books were stacked at odd angles,
some jutting out from the rest. A few had been hastily shoved spine-side in. How does he find what
he’s looking for? Has he even read these books, or are they just for show?

Papers littered the desk, and by the window, a filing cabinet’s drawers were all open, folders
poking out of it haphazardly. Crumpled papers overflowed the garbage bin.

“Disgusting,” Levi muttered to himself as he knelt by the bin. He gingerly began to flatten the
crumpled papers to read them. A few were receipts that didn’t seem relevant—expensive
restaurants, bar tabs. Maybe Nile was frittering away military money on personal expenses, but
that didn’t make him untrustworthy, just typical of his branch. I’ll let Erwin know just in case.

After a few papers, he chanced upon the information he was looking for. A simple order: Direct
the Survey Corps to silo 5214B. At the bottom of the page, Levi saw a stamped insignia he didn’t
recognize. He traced it with his gloved finger, committing it to memory. It looked like a stylized
“S,” with curling tails that coiled around the main body of the letter.

He had overheard the desk drawer lock before the couple left. Maybe there was more
communication from this S person there.

Levi paused as he heard faint footsteps echoing down the hallway. He snuffed the lamp and
waited, his hand dropping to the knife hidden in his boot. The footsteps drew closer …

… then continued down the hall.

Once they had disappeared completely, he re-lit the lamp.

The lock on the desk drawer was so small that he couldn’t get a good look at its interior
mechanism in the dim light. He pulled out the smallest lock pick and gingerly inserted it, feeling
around. It took a few tries and a couple more tools, but eventually, it gave. The drawer slid open.

Several files lay inside, and the top one was labelled Erwin Smith.

Levi’s eyes widened. He lifted the file and settled on the floor behind the desk, bringing the lamp
down beside him.

The first page was a standard military sketch portrait from Erwin’s training days. His face was
narrow, and his nose really was too big for his face, but everything else was unmistakably Erwin,
from the hairstyle down to the cold eyes. His expression was hard, and familiar: this was the
expression he had worn around Levi during their early days. When did it soften for me? Was it a
gradual thing, or did it happen all at once?

Inside the file, Nile had been compiling notes about Erwin’s character. The elaborate writing was
difficult to read, and Levi was conscious that he was short on time, so he did his best to skim. Many
details were familiar: his Wallist family members, his prowess with hand-to-hand combat, his
weakness at horse-handling. Not that you’d know that now.

Some details were surprising: Erwin had finished first in his class, in spite of a noted tendency to
question and defy authority. Looks like Hange and I aren’t the only ones with obedience issues. He
had sustained a severe leg injury in combat training that the doctors called career-ending, but he
had fully recovered after only a few months.

Most surprising of all was a half-written letter at the end of the file, the ink still fresh:

Attention: Commander-in-Chief Zackly .

Re: Commander Erwin Smith.

Further to our discussion last night, I have gathered some of my thoughts, and I submit them to you
now so you have the full context.

When I first met Erwin Smith, I judged him to be sheltered, weak and scared. I pitied him and
became his confidante and, later, closest friend. The more he opened up to me over time, however,
the more I realized my initial impression was completely backwards. As you well know, “weak” is
the last word anyone should use to describe Erwin. His conviction is frightening, especially when
it’s misplaced.

I saw it for myself one night when, with hysteria in his eyes, he confessed to me his true reasons
for joining the military.

When he was a boy, Erwin had a series of recurring nightmares about the origins of the titans and
governmental conspiracies. These left a mark on him. As he grew older, he became convinced that
they were not dreams, but rather repressed memories. He began to form several theories about the
titans based on these dreams, and he was dead set on joining the Survey Corps, thinking he could
prove those delusional theories to the rest of the world. These delusions always worried me, as
they only seemed to grow stronger with time. He would frequently “remember” lost details and
describe them to me with an eerie smile and a bizarre light in his eyes. I began to fear for his
sanity.

It seems his time in the Corps has only hardened his resolve and entrenched these delusions deeper
in his mind. He alluded to them again during our discussions at the gala.

While Erwin is clearly a capable Commander, this commitment to his imagination is worrying. At
present, I do not doubt his ability to carry out his job. He has always excelled at putting his
personal needs aside while focusing on the greater good.

I am, however, concerned that these delusions might grow and engulf him. I fear there may be a
day when his paranoia will outweigh his rationale. I would recommend a full psych evaluation, but
he is a good actor, the best I’ve ever seen, and he would easily convince the examiners that
nothing was wrong .

Instead, I ask you to keep a watchful eye on him. I can commit to

The letter ended there; Marie must have interrupted him before he could finish.

Levi’s teeth clenched so hard that his jaw ached. His gloved hands gripped the top of the page,
preparing to rip it, but he hesitated. Nile probably wouldn’t notice a few crumpled papers moving
around his garbage bin, but he would certainly notice this letter disappearing from a locked drawer.

He closed the file, set it back in the drawer, and locked it. He would tell Erwin about it in detail.

Seeing no further clues as to who the stylized S represented, he set the lamp back in place and
snuffed it. Feeling his way up a bookshelf, he worked his way back up to the rafters. Maybe the
records room would have some answers for him.

As he felt his way along the rafters in the dark, his mind circled around Erwin. As much as he
distrusted Nile, his questions at the gala about trusting Erwin had planted seeds of doubt in Levi’s
mind, and the letter wasn’t helping anything. He had seen the creepy smile and hints of paranoia
for himself.

Still, Erwin needed to be paranoid to prepare his soldiers for worst-case scenarios. Maybe it wasn’t
even paranoia at all—maybe he was seeing so far into the future that logical measures would seem
mad to those who weren’t as far-sighted.

Besides, it was difficult to believe that the smartest man Levi had ever met would mistake dreams
for memories. If he believed they were memories, then they were memories.

In spite of Erwin’s insistence that he was just a man, Levi knew better. Erwin Smith was a
visionary. Erwin Smith would be humanity’s saviour. If he ever seemed paranoid or creepy while
he did it, that didn’t matter. All that mattered was his vision, because that would set humanity free.

And Levi would do everything he could to help him.

He clenched his jaw and doubled his speed in the darkness, eager to find helpful information. He
knew the records room better than his own room back at headquarters, assuming it hadn’t changed
much since he had last visited. If there was information on Nile’s superior, he would find it.

The first sense to disorient him was scent.

It slammed into him the instant he reached the wall to the records room, before he had even
squeezed through the crack above it. Musty papers, dry wood, oil, dust. That smell had always
been strongest on the carpet, where he would pin Niklaus face down, gripping the officer’s hands
until his knuckles cracked, whispering “filthy pig” into his ear …
He clenched his teeth and eased over the wall. Dropping down through a panel, he landed hard on
the desk, nearly knocking over a lamp with his foot. He listened for a moment and, gauging that he
hadn’t attracted any attention with his blunder, lit the lamp.

The second sense to disorient him was sight. The records room was nearly unchanged from his last
visit: rows of filing cabinets, tightly-packed bookshelves, the in and out piles on the countertop.

Even the chair behind the counter was the same, Niklaus’ bite still embedded in the top from one
particularly vigorous session in the early days of their relationship. He reached out a shaking hand
to trace the mark, and that was when the third sense hit him: the grain of the wood digging into his
palms, the squish of the carpet beneath his feet—he could feel the rug burn on his knees, feel the
strong body feigning a struggle beneath him, feel the hostility draining from each of them as
hormones flooded their bodies, their chemistry overcoming their hatred of each other’s lifestyles—

A shaky sound slid from his lips before he could stop it, something between a sigh and a wail.

Shit. His body snapped into a crouch and he held his breath, listening in case the sound had
attracted any attention.

Nothing.

Slowly, he stood upright. Pull yourself together, you drunken asshole. You have a mission to
complete.

At least with the filing system unchanged, he knew where to find his target. As he carried the lamp
toward the back corner of the room, he began to see memories in his periphery: the patch of carpet
where Niklaus had first propositioned him. The table where they had first made love instead of just
fucking. The window they had stared out together, where Niklaus had reached over to put an arm
on his shoulders and whispered the words that had changed everything: I’m falling in love with
you.

Each step, each memory, stripped away another year, and by the time he reached the filing cabinet
he was looking for, he was seventeen years old again, his gloved hands shaking, his vision blurred.

Focus. He held out the lamp, reading the drawer labels, until he found the range he was looking
for, labelled Do-Dz. This lock was easy to pick, and he slid the drawer open. His shaking fingers
rifled through the folders, then paused on one labelled Dok, Nile.

Not far behind it, he could see the files beginning with ‘Dr.’

His past warred with his present.

“Screw it,” he whispered. It was right there; he would never have a better opportunity to find out
what had happened. He moved past Nile’s folder, zeroing in on one labelled Dreher, Niklaus.
Before he could change his mind, he yanked it out.

A red stamp on its surface glowed in the lamplight: ‘DECEASED.’

His vision blurred again, and he blinked to clear it, violently opening the file and flipping to the
end.

Tried and convicted for treason for leaking military secrets to gangsters. Execution carried out by
firing squad. Requested no blindfold.

Levi slowly sank to his knees, rereading the sentence several times, hoping he had misread.
Treason. Known gangsters. Execution. He flipped to the previous page for the details of the trial.

Niklaus hadn’t named Levi in the trial: he had named two of Levi’s biggest rivals instead, two
gang leaders who had disappeared off the streets around the same time. Even when everything had
fallen apart for him, he had used his death to help Levi, keeping him safe, attacking his rivals
instead.

And in return, I assumed he had abandoned me. I cursed him. I hated him.

“ Shit,” he growled, furious with himself. “You asshole. Fucking shit!” He slammed his fists into
the metal drawers.

Two loud clangs echoed through the room.

He tensed.

Footsteps began to sound down the hallway.

You dipshit. He snuffed the lamp and waited, ears straining until they rang. This is why you don’t
come on a mission drunk, and especially why you don’t start looking up personal information. If
this blew the whole mission, he was never going to forgive himself.

The door creaked open, and lamplight flooded the room. Levi slipped behind a bookshelf, resting
his hand on the hilt of the knife hidden in his boot.

The footsteps were soft and tentative. They moved to the centre of the room and stopped; the
shifting lamplight suggested their owner was peering around the room.

“Hello?” A girl’s voice spoke, loud but shaky. “I know you’re in here. If you surrender now, I
promise you won’t get hurt.”

If she stepped far enough into the room, Levi might be able to slip past her and out the door behind
her. He eyed the next bookshelf, planning his escape route. The gap between the shelves was
small, but fully lit, so she must be looking in his direction.

A few more footsteps, then silence. A shadow fell across the gap. Levi darted to the next
bookshelf, crouching behind it.

“I should warn you,” she said, “I’m armed.”

Military-issue rifle, thought Levi. No gear. The rifles were quick and deadly, but the quiver in the
girl’s voice suggested inexperience. Even if she caught him, she might be too terrified to pull the
trigger. He took several deep breaths, eyeing the gap to the next bookcase, waiting for an
opportunity to move.

The light swung around again, and he darted across the gap. One more bookcase to go, and then he
could sneak to the door.

“What in the world?” muttered the girl, and he saw the light swing toward the ceiling, presumably
to the shifted wooden panel. Not wasting the opportunity, he moved into place against the final
bookcase. The door was a good seven metres or so from his position, with no cover. He needed to
make sure she was looking away.

He pulled a tool free from his lock picking set—the most useless one, with a thick loop at the end
—and tossed it toward the back wall. The instant he heard it clatter, he bolted for the door.
Six metres, five, four—

Wood splinters showered his body as a 3DMG anchor buried into the wall in front of him, the wire
blocking his path.

He whirled.

A woman stood by the desk, the lamp behind her forcing her body into silhouette. Her face was
shadowed, but he could clearly see the gear boxes at her sides.

Dammit. Levi darted back the way he had come, pressing flat against the bookcase. Since when did
the Military Police use 3DMG while on building patrol? His chest heaved, and his eyes darted
around the room. They fixed on the ceiling. Up. Go up.

“ Hey!” yelled the woman, and booted footsteps rushed toward him. He scurried up the bookshelf,
aiming for the wooden panels of the ceiling.

He heard a puff of gas, then a hand gripped his ankle and yanked. As he fell, he twisted his body so
that he landed on his attacker. She hit the ground hard, the air escaping her chest with an “Oof!”
Without even looking down, he pushed off and sprinted for the door, sliding deftly under the
3DMG wire.

“Wait!” called the girl, voice hoarse.

Another anchor sank into the door frame ahead of him, and he heard a burst of gas. The girl
slammed into him from behind. They rolled; Levi landed face-down, his forehead knocking the
carpet. The scent of the carpet was so familiar that his head spun. Niklaus …

The girl rolled him over. She holstered her gear triggers and pulled a rifle off her back, shoving the
muzzle in his face. Levi blinked, his vision blurred from the impact. So much had happened since
the expedition that he had forgotten he was still recovering from his concussion. Blood trickled
into his mouth beneath his mask, and he sputtered. Did she break my nose?

“Put your hands where I can see them,” the girl barked.

He blinked, and she came into view: red hair, large eyes, stubborn youthful expression …

“Isabel,” he croaked.

“What?” she said, taken aback.

He blinked, coming back to his senses in time to capitalize on her shock. Get the gun out of your
face. He grabbed the muzzle and tugged, pressing it into the carpet beside him.

She pulled the trigger.

The floor beside him exploded, knocking him sideways. His ear rang, and he clutched at it, eyes
filling with tears. “Fuck!”

The blow had knocked her backwards, too, and she was clawing at her ears, curled into a ball.
Shakily, Levi stood. He stared down at her, his heart pounding. She looks so much like Isabel. So
much. He could almost hear the girl’s voice, singsong and childish. His eyes flooded with tears
again, these ones not from the gun blast.

He turned to climb the bookshelf, eager to escape.

A 3DMG wire narrowly missed him, embedding into the ceiling. He gave a low sigh, frustrated by
her persistence, and turned. The girl was hunched, but she stared at him defiantly. “Not on my
watch.”

“You shouldn’t use those things indoors,” he said. “It’s dangerous.” He stepped on the wire and
pressed down, expecting it would make her stumble forward and lose her balance.

Instead, the anchor point pulled down several panels of the false roof. He shielded his head just in
time; the panels slammed into him with so much force that he sagged to his knees.

When the panels fell away, the girl was standing over him, one of her blades pointed at his throat.

“Shit.” He rubbed his ear. It was still ringing, but not as badly as he expected given the proximity
of the blast.

“Who are you?” she demanded. “Why are you here?”

His eyes scanned the environment, looking for a way out. Gear wasn’t particularly effective
indoors, but it allowed her to slingshot herself after him, so running wasn’t going to be helpful. He
needed to find a way to overpower her.

The blade pressed against the skin of his throat, below the scarf. “I asked you a question, so please
be kind enough to answer it. What’s your name?”

He met her glare with one of his own. “Nile Dok.”

She sighed. “Please get on your feet.”

He stood slowly, sizing her up. There was a tremble in her blade hand. Her earlier reaction to his
confused ‘Isabel’ suggested she was easily distracted, but he would have to be careful, because she
also had an itchy trigger finger.

“Those boots are military issue,” she said.

“I stole them.”

Her lips flattened. “If you’re not going to cooperate, then can you at least take off your mask?”

“Why?”

“Because I have a blade at your throat.”

He gave an exasperated sigh and lifted his hands towards his mask, subtly shifting his stance —

—and hooked the back of her heel with his foot. She shrieked and fell backwards, hitting hard; he
kicked her blade away, then stepped on her chest and loomed over her.

“You fight well, kid. Very well. But you’re easily distracted.” Blood trickled into his mouth again,
behind the mask, and he grimaced as he accidentally swallowed some.

She glared. “You have about a minute before the other officers get here. They’ll have heard my
gunshot.”

“What officers?” he asked, leaning over her face. “There were only three out front when I came
in.”
“We were out patrolling. Our shift is just ending, so we’re meeting back here. The place is
crawling with officers.”

Levi would have assumed she was bluffing, but the gear was unusual. The Military Police were
only authorized to wear gear on special occasions, and patrolling the city during a gala might be
such an occasion. “How many of you?”

“Dozens.”

He eyed her, then pulled his knife out of his boot and pressed it to her throat. “Get up,” he said,
removing his foot from her chest. “Drop the gear.”

Her eyes filled with tears, and he tried to pretend it didn’t hurt him. Isabel had tried to pull the same
shit, too, when she knew she was in trouble. She had known tears were the easiest way to erode his
resolve.

“You have cuffs on you?” he asked.

“No.”

That left him with four options: bind her with the gear wires, knock her out, kill her, or bring her
with him. Given her prowess, binding her with the wires might be too dangerous. Never put a
prisoner within easy reach of her weapon.

Also, he wasn’t sure his planned escape route was the safest one. If a patrol was returning, there
would, by default, be dozens of eyes on the outside of the building.

“Does this building connect with the barracks?” he asked.

Her jaw wobbled, but she stared at him, wordless.

With a sigh, he used the flat of the blade to trace a line across her throat from ear to ear. “You’ll be
dead within seconds,” he said, his stomach churning as he tapped into a part of himself he had tried
so hard to forget. “I’ll cut deep enough that you won’t be able to cry for help.”

“My name is Sofi Lalonde,” she blurted, tears spilling onto her cheeks. “I have two sisters and
three brothers. I’m the oldest.”

“Why are you—”

“My mother died when I was young, and I helped raise my family. The youngest is only three
years old. My father didn’t want me joining the military—”

“Enough.” Levi smacked her trachea with the flat of the knife. She whimpered, but fell silent. “I
know what you’re doing. It won’t work.” She was trying to humanize herself in his eyes, make him
grow attached to her so that he couldn’t kill her. “I’ll ask one more time: does this building connect
with the barracks?”

“Yes.” She sniffled.

“All right, Sofi Lalonde. You help me get there undetected, you get to go free. Let’s go.”

Booted footsteps sounded at the end of the hallway.

“Shit.” Levi dragged her toward the door. “Make them go away.”
“What?”

“Stick your head out the doorway and tell them your gun went off by accident. Make it convincing,
or you die.” He shoved her forward, forcing her head through the doorway.

The footsteps stopped. “Recruit,” a male voice yelled from down the hall. “We heard gunshots.”

At first, the girl didn’t say anything, but Levi traced her kidney with the tip of his knife, and she
swallowed hard.

“Sorry,” she called, surprisingly convincing. “I got spooked by a rat. Really spooked. I shot at it.”

A pause. “Using your gun in an enclosed area without reason is a punishable offense.” The voice
sounded bewildered.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m new. I’m still learning.” Her body was shaking, and sweat rolled down
Levi’s temple. They’re going to notice her crying.

After a moment, the male voice said, “You okay, recruit? Need any help in there?”

“No, just cleaning up my mess. I feel horrible about it.”

“Well, hurry up. The Commander ordered a code eighty-two.”

Levi bared his teeth at the familiar phrase; the man was using code to ask if she was in distress.
“Tell him area three-six-two is secure,” he hissed.

The girl looked back at him, eyes wide, and he tightened his grip on the scruff of her neck. “Do it.”

Defeated, the girl turned down the hall again. “Area three-six-two is secure, sir. I’m sorry for the
trouble. I’ll explain everything to Squad Leader Mann tomorrow.”

There was another pause, long enough that Levi began to shake. Believe her. Believe her.

“Very well, recruit. Don’t let this happen again. And if you get spooked again, sound the alarm.
Don’t play the hero.” The booted feet turned and walked down the hall as the man bellowed, “All
clear!”

Once the footsteps had faded, the girl turned back to Levi, her eyes wide. “You know the military
distress codes.”

“Is the hallway empty?” he demanded, his knife finding her throat again.

“You know the military distress codes, and you’re wearing our boots, and you’re a good fighter. I
finished top in my class, and you took me out with no effort at all—”

“Shut up.” He shoved her into the hallway. “Use the back routes, the unguarded ones. The only
way you get out of this safely is if I do.”

As they hurried down the hallway, he felt a little quiver of excitement in the pit of his stomach, a
reminder that he was a monster who got joy out of exerting his dominance over another living
being. A voice echoed in his mind, gruff and familiar: Embrace who you are, Levi. Your body is a
weapon, and you have the cold heart of a killer.

His throat filled with bile. No. I’m better than him. I’m not going to kill an MP, not unless I have to.
And if I do, I’m not going to enjoy it.
The girl stopped at a door at the end of the hallway. “It’s unlocked. Only the cleaning staff use this
staircase, and they’re not on shift yet. It goes all the way to the basement, and from there, you can
take a tunnel to the barracks.”

“You’re coming with me,” he said. “Open it.”

She obeyed, throwing the door open with too much force. He reflexively caught it before it could
slam against the wall. It was just one moment of distraction, one moment where his focus was on
the door instead of the knife, and she took advantage of it. Her hand reached for his face and
tugged. He clamped onto her wrist before she could tear the mask away entirely, but the damage
was already done: it had loosened. The scarf slipped down his face and settled around his throat.

He spun her away and shoved her toward the stairs. “Move,” he growled, fixing the knife on her
throat again. For a moment, he thought he had been fast enough that she hadn’t seen his face, but
she refused to step forward.

“I said, move.”

When she spoke, her voice was sombre: “You’re Levi. From the Survey Corps.”

Shit. He softly pulled the door closed behind them. “Who the hell is Levi?”

“It really is you. Right?” She twisted to look at him. “I’d never forget your face. I saw you when I
was a Trainee.”

Levi’s heart sank. I have to kill her now. There’s no way around it. She knows who I am. If they
trace this back to Erwin, everything falls apart.

“You were my hero,” she said, her voice wobbling. “Humanity’s Strongest, ascending from
nothing to become one of humanity’s most promising heroes. You were the reason I wanted to join
the Survey Corps, but my father made me promise to spend a couple years in the Military Police
and then re-evaluate how I felt. He doesn’t understand people like you and me, people who would
give their lives to help free humanity.” She paused. “Or that’s what I thought you were like, at any
rate. You aren’t the hero I imagined you to be.”

Between the guilt, the stress, and the blood he had swallowed from his injured nose, his stomach
twisted so violently that he was afraid he would wretch.

Maybe there was another way. Maybe he didn’t have to kill her. What would Erwin do, if he were
in this situation? Probably try to convince her of their viewpoint.

“Someone with your fighting skill doesn’t belong in the MP.” He pushed her toward the stairs.
“It’s a waste of your talent.”

“That’s what I told my father.”

They turned a corner, then continued down the stairwell. “Look, Sofi,” he said quietly, “I’m no
hero, but I’m not just a criminal, either. I’m investigating corruption within the Military Police. I
was supposed to slip in, gather information, then slip out. No one can know I was here.”

After a long pause, she said, “What kind of corruption?”

“Endangering lives for the sake of money. Distracting the Survey Corps from its main objectives,
for selfish gain. Someone is working against us, and the longer we’re distracted from our goals, the
longer humanity will be forced to suffer. We have to weed out the corruption before it spreads,
before it takes over the entire organization.” He was surprised how easily the words slid from his
mouth, as if he were channelling Erwin. “Have you noticed anything of that sort around here?”

“I’ve only been a member for a month, so I haven’t noticed anything yet,” she said. “Lots of
laziness, and that’s about it. But maybe I can help you.” She turned to eye him. “If you let me
live.”

“Are you just offering that because you’re desperate to save your life? How do I know you won’t
run to your Squad Leader the second I release you?”

Her jaw set. “What good would that do? I already let slip that I finished first in my class, so you
can easily identify me and find my family if I betray you—even after you leave here, you’ve still
got a knife pressed to my throat.”

“Smart girl.”

They reached the bottom of the stairwell, and the girl threw open a door. “I know it’s none of my
business, but who’s Isabel?”

“You’re right, it’s none of your business. Stop and hold up the lamp.”

She obeyed, and he studied the stone hallway. A metal grate was embedded along the left side,
large enough to step through. He recognized the style of the grate; they connected the Underground
to the surface world. This vent must tie into the network of tunnels he had used to sneak in and visit
Niklaus.

“I know my way home from here,” he said.

“Home?” she repeated.

The word had slipped out; the familiar environment was messing with his head. Still, he thought of
Erwin, waiting for him back at the hotel room. “Yeah, home.” He turned to study her. “Remember,
Sofi Lalonde, if the MP hears a single word about my involvement in this incident, you and your
family will die. I will not show the same mercy twice. I suggest you start by cleaning the evidence
of our fight from the records room, before your superiors start asking questions.”

“Are you really here for the reasons you said?” the girl asked. “You promise you aren’t trying to
take down the whole military from the inside, or anything like that?”

“I am on humanity’s side,” he said with as much conviction as he could muster.

Her lips spread into a smile. “I knew you were a hero.”

Grimacing, he plucked the lamp from her hand, then shoved her back toward the stairs. “Get out of
here.”

“Wait.” She recovered her balance and stood tall. “I want to join the Survey Corps.”

He stared. “So put in an application.”

“I can’t betray my father like that. I promised him two years here, at least.” Her eyes sparkled in
the lamplight. “Please, sir, ask Commander Erwin to put in a request to recruit me. It’ll take a year
or two for the paperwork to go through, anyway, and that way I can tell my father it wasn’t my
idea, that I’ve been called to action.”
“I don’t have time to deal with your daddy issues.”

“You saw me fight,” she said, her brows dropping. “And the Survey Corps needs all the help it can
get. I’ll keep your secret and prove my loyalty, you’ll see. I will fight by your side, sir, and you
won’t regret it.” She pulled into a salute.

Levi rubbed his forehead, embarrassed by her enthusiasm. “Okay, settle down. I’ll talk to Erwin.”

“One last thing,” she said, bowing her head. “Make sure you put in the transfer for the correct
name. My name isn’t Sofi Lalonde. That was a lie to protect my family.”

“Oh? Then what is it?”

“Petra Ral.”

He eyed her, and she held his gaze.

“Very well,” he said. “I’ll talk to Erwin about putting in a transfer request for you, Petra Ral. Just
remember: if anyone—and I mean anyone—hears word of my involvement in what happened
tonight, your family will suffer for your mistakes.”

“Of course.” She bobbed her head, then turned and hurried through the door.

He stared after her for a minute, then, certain she was gone, sank slowly to his knees as his
willpower finally gave out. He was dizzy, and blood was still trickling down his face, down the
back of his throat. His chest was heavy with the guilt of the mistakes he had made, past and
present.

Worst of all, he had let his personal issues interfere with the mission—exactly what he had
promised Erwin wouldn’t happen. His Commander had placed all his trust in him, and Levi had
failed him. All he had to offer was a stylized “S” and a single enthusiastic recruit who might or
might not unravel everything.

He sheathed his knife, then pulled open the grate, his spirits low, his heart heavy.
 Expression
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you so much for your lovely comments, and HUGE hugs to the people
who have included me in fic recs on Tumblr (omg!)

Previous chapter: Levi's mission doesn't go as planned, and Erwin pays a visit to the
Dok household.

-13-

Expression

A knock sounded at the window.

Erwin slowly set his book on the side table and leaned forward in the chair. The room was several
stories up—were his ears playing tricks on him?

“Erwin!” came a muffled yell. “Open the fucking window.”

Levi?

He strode to the window and tore open the curtain. Through the glass, he could see Levi’s face, his
nose and mouth coated in blood.

Heart pounding, Erwin threw open the window and thrust out a hand to help him in. “Were you
followed?”

“That’s your first question?” Levi struggled through the window frame and dropped to his knees on
the carpet, breathing hard. “No, I wasn’t followed, and I wouldn’t have led anyone here even if I
had been. I only came through the window because I would’ve terrified the lobby staff.”

“Is this your blood?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin dropped to one knee and gingerly touched Levi’s jaw, his chin, his nose. Levi cursed and
pulled away.

“Do you need a doctor?”

“I don’t think it’s broken. My mask smeared the blood around, made it seem worse than it is.” Levi
touched his chin, then grimaced. “It’s all caked on. I can feel it cracking and flaking when I move
my mouth. Dammit.” He looked down. “I fucked up, Erwin. I fucked up so badly.”

Erwin bit the inside of his cheek and grabbed Levi’s hand, pulling him toward the bathroom. Along
the way, not breaking his stride, he snatched a wooden chair from the desk. Once they were in the
bathroom, he set the chair by the sink.

“Sit,” he said, his voice gentle.

As Levi obeyed, Erwin filled the basin with water. He pulled a handful of washcloths off the shelf,
then soaked one of them.

When he turned back to Levi, he found him staring absently at the tiles between his feet.

“Levi.” Erwin knelt in front of him and gently lifted his chin. “It’s okay.” He began to wash the
dried blood. It really was caked on in a few spots, and he had to scrub to remove it. “Am I hurting
you?”

Levi shook his head, still not looking him in the eye.

“Good. Let me know if I do.”

As Erwin continued scrubbing, neither of them spoke. After several rinses of the cloth, the water
became too bloody, so Erwin drained the basin, then refilled it.

When he moved from the jaw to the bloodied nose, Levi winced. Erwin frowned and gently traced
the bridge with his fingertip. It was still straight, with no lumps in the bone, but the flesh was
swelling. Not a break; possibly a hairline fracture, or maybe just a bruise. Tears glistened in Levi’s
eyes, and Erwin couldn’t tell if they were emotional, or, more likely, reflexive tears from the nasal
injury. His heart ached anyway.

“Levi, look at me.”

The eyes rose to meet his, the bloodshot backdrop making his irises glow in contrast.

“It’s okay,” Erwin said. “Whatever happened, we’ll fix it.”

Levi nodded, looking down again.

“This part is going to hurt. I’m sorry.” The cloth made contact with the bulb of the bloodied nose.
Levi closed his eyes, a muscle jumping in his jaw, but didn’t flinch. As the blood washed away,
Erwin assed the skin for damage. No open wounds.

“I can’t remember the last time someone made me bleed,” Levi said quietly.

He finally seemed composed enough to talk, so Erwin sat back on his heels, taking a moment to
study him. “What happened?”

“Nile was in his office. Marie, too. They didn’t see me.” Levi’s eyes flicked up. “She told him
about us.”

Erwin looked down, folding the cloth to hide the blood. “I see.”

“He was trying to hide documents because he thought you’d come snooping around, but she talked
him into leaving. I found the orders to direct us to that silo—it was signed with a stamp, but no
name. I can draw it for you, if you want. Then I found your file in his desk. Nile’s talking about
you with Zackly. He thinks you’re dangerous and delusional.”

“I see.” Nile was the one person he had fully confided in, and even though it hurt to have him
dismiss his memories as delusions, Erwin wasn’t surprised. Maybe that disbelief wasn’t such a bad
thing; Jasper and Marie needed Nile around. His theories were dangerous.
Levi looked away again. “Then I went to the records room to get more information. Except … ” He
trailed off.

His silence said everything. Even though Erwin had expected this mission outcome,
disappointment sank in his chest like stone. “You looked up your ex instead.”

Levi’s head bowed.

“What did you learn?”

“Dead. Executed for treason, because they found out he was feeding me information. But he gave
them my rival’s names instead. That idiot went out protecting me, and I assumed—” His teeth
clenched, an edge sharpening his voice: “I smeared shit all over his memory because I assumed the
worst of him. That’s two lovers dead in a row because they tried to protect me, because I picked
that one goddamned fight with rival gangs. I am scum. ”

Not sure what to say, Erwin reached out and clasped Levi’s knee. He knew this thought process all
too well. His mind had retreaded it every day since Henrik had died.

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

“I lost control,” Levi said, breaking the silence. “Swore and punched the filing cabinet. A guard
was nearby, returning from patrol, and she overheard. She was a good fighter, and sharp. I got the
upper hand—after she knocked me around a bit—but she figured out who I was.”

Their eyes locked.

“Is that so,” Erwin said, his mind already whirring, planning ways out of the potential diplomatic
nightmare.

“I couldn’t bring myself to kill her. I figured it would be too much of a mess to clean up politically,
and I didn’t want to be a monster. Besides … ” His voice shrank. “She looked too much like
Isabel.”

“So what did you do?”

A shrug. “Tried to talk my way out of it. She seemed eager to help us, and she agreed to keep my
secret if we’d pull her into the Corps. A slow transfer, a year or two. I want her on my squad,
Erwin. She’s fearless and a good fighter, and she uses her environment to her advantage.” As he
spoke, his sadness seemed to fade, giving way to admiration.

“Do you trust her to cover for what happened tonight?”

“I’m not sure, but I threatened her family, and she knows we can track them down at any time. If
her desire to help isn’t genuine, then her fear will be.”

Erwin watched him. “All this has some aspects in common with the way I first recruited you.”

“Except I never landed a clean hit on you.”

“I’m just glad the damage isn’t worse.” He leaned up to brush his lips against Levi’s, but after only
a brief kiss, Levi jerked away.

“My face is still covered in blood.”

“I’m doing my best to rectify that.” Erwin stood to rinse the cloth again, running his tongue along
his lips, tasting iron. You taste alive.

This had been too close, just one more mission that was supposed to be low-risk that had gone
awry. Had the girl been less cooperative, Levi would have been imprisoned or labelled a wanted
man. I have to stop taking such big risks with him, at least for now. The stakes aren’t all that high
yet, and he’ll be an important player when the game escalates.

“ You’re disappointed,” Levi said. “Right? I fucked up.”

Erwin turned and saw that his head was low, his shoulders stooped.

“Levi.” He knelt down and rested his palm on a muscular thigh. “You did well. I’m impressed you
got out of such a dangerous situation, and you made a new ally on the inside. Besides, if you can
remember that stamp you saw with Nile’s orders, it won’t take long to track down its source. You
did well indeed.”

When there was no response, he slid his hand along the narrow jaw, tilting his head up. “Listen to
me: you made a mistake because you’re human. Never see humanity as a weakness—it is a
strength, one you excel at, one I lack. It’s just one of the many reasons I need you by my side.”

“Yeah?” Levi said, his brows pinching.

Erwin’s throat tightened. “I need you.” He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Levi’s
waist, pressing his cheek against his chest. He could hear Levi’s heartbeat, loud and quick, and the
sound ricocheted through his bones, leaving him hollow. It’s my fault you’re in pain right now.

A hand settled in his hair. “You sure as hell don’t act like someone who lacks humanity, Erwin.
Not around me, anyway.”

He looked up, giving a small smile.

Levi’s face softened, and he smoothed hair from Erwin’s forehead. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like that . The same way you looked at me when we were dancing. Like you’re looking right
through me.” His thumb swept the crease below Erwin’s eye. “You’re going to get me all horny
again.”

“I did promise to reward you for everything you endured on my behalf tonight. When you’re
ready.”

With no hesitation, Levi lunged down, and their lips met. A low rumble sounded in Erwin’s throat,
and blood rushed to his groin. He slid his tongue deeper. He wanted to be inside Levi so badly that
he ached—he carefully pushed the thought below the surface, replacing it with the one that made
sense: I don’t care how we do it; I just want to use our bodies to express how we feel.

His hands curled into Levi’s hips, and he pulled him off the chair and down onto his lap. The
weight of the small body felt so good that he thrust against it, every nerve in his body alight and
glowing. The rooftop dance, the taste of blood, the thought of Levi skillfully infiltrating the
building, the warm body in his arms, it was all too much. His resolve was slipping. He thrust again
and again, losing himself in the burning friction.

Levi shoved him down against the tile floor, forcing his arms above his head, hands smoothing his
forearms to pin him down. Their hands found each other, intertwining so tightly that it hurt. The
kiss finally broke.

“I want you,” Erwin gasped as he felt Levi’s teeth pinch the skin of his neck.

“Holy shit.” Levi dragged his tongue along his jawline, then sank his teeth into Erwin’s earlobe.
“Wait, wait. We can’t yet. I need to bathe, and I’ve still got blood on my face, and—”

“I don’t care.” He wrapped his legs around one of Levi’s thighs, grinding. “I don’t care; I need you.
Right now.”

“Oh shit, that’s hot.” Levi pulled away, his brows pinched, gasping for breath. “But you’ll have to
wait. I’m gross as hell.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m so sweaty that my balls are sticking to my leg.”

The unpleasant mental image surprised Erwin; he stopped grinding.

Levi released him and rose to his feet, breathing hard. “Our first time isn’t going to be on the
bathroom floor with me covered in my own filth. Not with you, Erwin. It needs … ” His voice
softened. “It needs to be better than that.”

Sitting up, Erwin pressed his palms into his thighs. He closed his eyes, trying to regain control of
his breaths.

“Okay?” Levi asked, uncertain.

“Okay.” Erwin shoved a hand through his hair. “Water tank should still be warm. I didn’t finish my
bath too long ago.”

“Thanks.” Levi began to peel off his clothes, and Erwin turned away, but not before he saw his
bare ass, so muscled and pert. He wanted to nuzzle his face between the cheeks—but that was
another desire he would need to bury, too. With Levi’s feelings about cleanliness, that was one
activity that was certainly off the table.

“I’m going to go sit down for a minute,” he said, his head spinning. When he got to the bedroom
door, he took a moment to lean his forehead against it, taking slow breaths. His groin ached—part
of that was probably because the skin was chafed from his frantic thrusting, true, but most of it was
from blood flow. He couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted anyone this badly.

He gripped the doorknob and turned. As he passed by the mirror on the dresser, he paused to study
himself. His mouth was set in a frown, a little crease by one eyebrow. He traced the crease with his
fingertip, searching himself for its source. Was he still hung up on Henrik? Worried about Levi?
Concerned about how the logistics of this would play out? That’s not the face of a man about to
get laid.

Am I ready for this?

He busied himself with setting a pair of candles on each bedside table, putting the erotic oils in a
drawer. After he lit the candles and turned down the lamps, he poured two glasses of white wine.
He spent a few minutes deciding how he should be dressed, then decided leaving his suit on would
suffice. A part of him wanted to fulfill Levi’s fantasy and wear his harnesses and boots, but there
was no need to complicate things yet. Instead, he tightened the Commander’s pendant neatly at his
throat and straightened his collars.
A few minutes later, Levi stepped into the room wearing only his pants, drying his hair with a
towel. His face was completely clean now, but the bridge of his nose was noticeably red and
swollen.

Erwin stood to greet him and, at a loss for words, held out the second wine glass.

“Thanks.” Levi hung the towel on the back of a chair and finger-combed his hair into place. “Have
you been drinking this whole time?”

“No, I’ve sobered up.”

“Good. Me, too.”

Levi accepted the wineglass. His jaw shifted, as if he were slowly gritting his teeth, trying to
decide what to say.

Erwin wanted to fill the silence, but words were still failing him. He turned to look at the bed. “We
can just sit for a bit first, enjoy a little wine and each other’s company.”

“Okay,” Levi said, sounding relieved.

They settled on the bed facing each other, wine glasses in hand. Levi glanced around the room.

“Candles?”

“I thought they might add a bit of ambience.” Erwin hesitated. “If they’re too tacky—”

“No, they’re fine.”

They stared at each other, then each took a sip of wine. Levi’s fingertips drummed the glass, and
Erwin watched them, fascinated: he held his wine glass by the bowl rather than the stem.

“What the hell is this bullshit?” Levi said after a moment. “A few minutes ago, we were all over
each other, and now I’m terrified to touch you.”

Erwin relaxed a little, glad they were admitting to their apprehensions. “I think we’ve accidentally
put too much pressure on ourselves.”

“Are you waiting for me to make the first move?”

“You had a difficult night. I want to make sure you’re alright before we proceed.”

Levi stared into his wine glass. “I’ve been through so many emotions in the past twenty-four hours
that I feel like I’m going to puke.”

Erwin understood. The carriage ride, the nightmare, meeting Marie, the rooftop dance, the mission,
finding out Niklaus was dead. “There’s no rule saying we have to do anything tonight. I’d be just
as happy sharing drinks and quiet conversation.”

“Bullshit. After the way you were rutting against me? I think you gave my thigh rug burn.”

Warmth flooded Erwin’s cheeks. “I mean it. There’s no pressure.”

“Believe me, I’m going to fuck you tonight. Just give me a minute.” Levi grabbed the bottle and
refilled his glass. “You want me to top up your wine?”
“Thanks, but I should stop here.” He was already feeling a buzz; maybe he hadn’t sobered up as
much as he thought. Swallowing the rest of the liquid, he set his glass on the side table.

Levi took a sip, then said resolutely, “Okay.” He rose to his feet and set his glass on the table, too,
then stood in front of Erwin, between his legs. It was a perspective Erwin wasn’t accustomed to
yet, looking up at his face, and he was surprised by how square his jaw was from this angle.

Levi stared down his nose at him, but his expression was soft. The candle flames gave his irises a
honeyed tint. “Do you know how beautiful you are in this light? Your skin looks so damned
smooth.” He slid a palm against Erwin’s cheek; Erwin turned into it, breathing in. The hand slid
across his cheekbones, then traced the bridge of his nose.

“So fucking pretty. You’re just … ” Levi’s voice faded: “So fucking pretty.”

Erwin ached to touch him. His fingertips found Levi’s biceps, tracing all the way down his
forearms, then back up again.

A shiver rippled through Levi’s body. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” He retraced the movements, and Levi let out a low groan.

“Make your hands glow like that. You were doing it on the rooftop, too, when we were dancing.”

Erwin understood exactly what he meant. Energy flared at the points of contact, coursing through
him, the sensation so strong that it was akin to those last few lazy contractions after an orgasm:
comfortable, warm pleasure; a need being satisfied.

“What you and I have, Levi, defies explanation.” He leaned closer, deliberately letting his breath
hit the inside of the muscular forearm, and he delighted in the goosebumps that formed in
response. “Our time together in the field has taught us to read each other’s bodies in ways most
couples cannot.” He pressed a kiss into the milky skin. “And this is still so new: as we grow
together, as we learn to read each other both on and off the battlefield, this warmth, this energy
between us, will only strengthen.”

For a moment, the only sound was their breaths, loud and ragged.

“I’m supposed to be the one seducing you,” Levi said.

Erwin met his gaze. “You already have. I’ve been anticipating this moment since you left my side
tonight, and I’ve thoroughly prepared. So tell me what you want tonight, Levi, because it’s yours.”

“Oh, really?” Levi looked down at him with slitted eyes, a look somewhere between desire and
superiority that made Erwin’s groin ache. “First, I’m going to kiss you until we’re both good and
hard. Then I’m going to undress you, and you’re going to suck me. Then I’m going to eat you out
until you feel like you’re going to explode, and that’s when I’m finally going to fuck you so hard
that you won’t be able to walk straight tomorrow.”

Erwin’s mouth was almost too dry to form the words: “I see.” He must have misheard the middle
part; there was no way a man like Levi would be interested in putting his mouth anywhere near
someone’s asshole. In fact, Erwin fully expected a good portion of their night would involve Levi
trying to ignore the anatomical reality of what they were doing.

“‘I see?’” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What’s wrong?”
“I thought that description would be enough to get that surprisingly filthy mouth of yours running
again.” He bent down, and their lips met.

Erwin felt a hum sound in his throat. The kiss was deep, but slow; Levi was carefully controlling
the depth and speed of his tongue, a change from his usual wild, frantic kisses. He’s determined to
control every bit of this, thought Erwin, and he was surprised to feel a wave of frustration. He had
never thought of himself as a dominant partner, but Levi was so strong-willed that he was
inadvertently highlighting all the little ways Erwin was accustomed to leading. He remembered
Marie’s words: he didn’t realize how strong he was. If we truly are equals, then I need to be
comfortable letting him take the reins.

Levi broke the kiss and eyed him. “You okay? You seem distracted.”

“I’m overanalyzing everything,” Erwin said.

“Well, stop thinking.”

“I’m trying.” His gaze shifted to the wine. Maybe another drink would help.

“Hmm.” As if reading his mind, Levi reached over and picked up his wine glass. He held it to
Erwin’s lips and gently tilted.

Erwin took a mouthful, but before he could swallow, Levi lunged in and kissed him, tongue sliding
deep into his mouth. Wine dribbled between their chins, and Levi pulled back to gently suck it off
Erwin’s skin.

For a moment, their gaze held, lids low, then Levi took more wine into his mouth and leaned in
again. It trickled down Erwin’s throat, as powerful and sweet as the kiss itself.

“More?” rumbled Levi, his lips slick against Erwin’s.

Erwin tried to respond, but all that came out was a small moan of agreement. Wine flooded his
mouth once more, and he felt himself begin to tilt toward the bed. Then his back was against the
mattress, Levi crouching over top of him.

Using one hand, Levi undid the buttons of Erwin’s suit jacket and then the shirt beneath it, pushing
them aside to reveal his bare chest. Levi’s expression was as dispassionate as always, but his lips
parted a crack, his eyes fixed on Erwin’s chest. He drizzled wine along the exposed collarbone,
then bent down to drag his tongue along the liquid.

Erwin’s hands clawed into the bed and he tilted his head back, giving Levi access to his throat.
When he had imagined sex with Levi, he had never pictured anything this slow and tender. He’s
constantly surprising me.

Levi set the glass aside, then kissed down his chest, aiming for a nipple. When he began to circle it
with his tongue, Erwin heard himself curse.

“There’s that filthy mouth.” Levi’s murmur vibrated the sensitive skin, and warmth flooded
Erwin’s body. He regretted neglecting this part of his body for so many years. It’s as if he knows
my own body better than I do.

As Levi’s mouth worked at the nipple, his hand smoothed down Erwin’s abdomen, then over the
fabric of his pants, rubbing between his legs. Another curse slipped from Erwin’s lips. The friction
between his legs began to pull him away from himself; his back arched, his hips rocking.
Then Levi pulled back, and the absence of his weight made Erwin feel as if he were floating. He
watched the narrow fingers run along his belt.

“I want you naked, but you look so fucking good like this that I also want to leave you half-
dressed.” Levi gripped the bolo tie and pulled it taut, leaning down to give him a slow, shallow
kiss. When he tried to pull away, Erwin caught the back of his neck, staring intently into his eyes.

“Then don’t undress me yet. I’ll suck you off like this.”

Levi’s face was inscrutable. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Tell me how you want me.”

The narrow hand slid down his chest, his abdomen, as Levi considered. “Kneel on the floor.” He
swung his legs off the edge of the bed and stood.

Erwin knelt in front of him. He let his gaze drift up the muscular abdomen to the shapely pectoral
muscles, finally landing on Levi’s face. Levi was looking down at him, his eyes and lips flat. Is he
guarding himself? His expressions were so unchecked before tonight.

They worked together to remove Levi’s pants. Erwin quickly folded them and lobbed them onto
the dresser. He sat back on his heels to examine Levi, grazing him with his fingertips. The wine
gave him courage to voice his thoughts aloud: “You have such beautiful colouring, such a perfect
shape.”

He chanced a look up and saw that Levi’s cheeks were dark, his face beginning to relax.

Aiming lower, Erwin leaned in to nuzzle between Levi’s legs, enjoying the texture of wiry hair and
wrinkled skin. He knew he should be maintaining eye contact—the last thing he wanted to do was
ruin another intimate moment with a flashback to Henrik—so he kept his focus in the present by
repeating Levi’s name in his mind: Levi, Levi, Levi. He traced a slow figure-eight with his tongue,
then took a testicle into his mouth, gently sucking. A gasp sounded above him, and he felt a hand
settle in his hair.

“Harder,” Levi rasped.

Erwin looked up and saw the mask of indifference finally fall away, the slender brows pinching.
He gave a questioning hum as he sucked harder, making sure he understood correctly.

“Yeah, like that. Shit.” Levi’s eyes closed. “Rougher.”

Energy rippled through Erwin, prickly and hot. He applied firm pressure with his tongue, carefully
gauging Levi’s reaction. He was accustomed to men who were extremely sensitive to pain—
Henrik flashed into his mind for a split second before he shoved the thought aside—but Levi
seemed to relish the pressure. His hand tightened in Erwin’s hair, half-formed obscenities falling
from his lips.

Unable to resist anymore, Erwin dragged his tongue all the way up to the tip, then enthusiastically
took Levi into his mouth. He pressed all the way to the base, pausing for a moment to feel a throb
in response. Sucking a little harder than he normally would, he began to move.

Levi groaned, raking a hand into his own hair. “Use your teeth.”

The concept was so foreign that Erwin pulled away, surprised. “What?”
“Use your teeth. You’ve got me all worked up; I need it rough tonight.”

The request went against everything Erwin had ever been told, everything he had ever experienced,
and he began to feel self-conscious. He picked up where he had left off, but this time, cringing at
the thought of it, he lightly dragged his front teeth across the flesh. Levi moaned and thrust closer.
The response was encouraging, and Erwin’s self-consciousness began to fade. He worked in a little
scrape of teeth here and there, using Levi’s sounds and physical response as his guide. After a few
minutes, he gripped him, using his hand and mouth together, swirling his tongue. Levi’s eyes were
glazed as he stared at nothing, his mouth hanging open, one hand clawing into Erwin’s hair, the
other tangled in his own.

Erwin tasted salt. He’s close. I should hold back. Even as he thought it, instinct drove him forward;
he tightened his grip, increasing his pace.

“Oh, fuck,” Levi said. “I can’t—”

Erwin stroked as fast and as hard as he could, his mind dizzy, as if he, too, were about to climax.

“Oh, fuck!” Levi said, panicked this time, as his entire body tensed.

Erwin froze in place, refusing to let him finish.

After a moment, Levi slowly relaxed. “That was close. Shit.” His eyes opened and he lowered his
hand from his forehead. “Shit. How do you … You’re so fucking good.”

Erwin reluctantly released him. Levi held out a hand and tugged him to his feet. Their mouths
pressed together, their kiss sloppy as they worked together to pull off Erwin’s shirt and jacket.

Then, Levi pulled down the suit pants and dropped to his knees. His warm mouth was so
unexpected that the phrase “Fucking Sina!” slipped from Erwin’s lips. He froze, mortified. Did I
say that out loud?

Levi paused, then slowly leaned back to look up, brows raised. “Did you just use Wall Sina as a
curse?”

Heat flooded Erwin’s face. “You must have misheard.”

“Interesting.” The brows slowly lowered back into position. “So you can take the boy out of the
Wallists, but you can’t take the Wallist out of the boy. If I do a really good job tonight, will you
curse all three walls at once?”

Erwin stared him down. “You misheard. Drop it.”

Levi studied him for a moment, then rose to his feet. “I need more wine.” He retrieved his wine
glass from the bedside table, taking a few sips.

Erwin let out a low sigh, annoyed at himself for putting a damper on the evening’s momentum. He
took the opportunity to step out of his pants and fold them, then tossed them on the dresser. Then
he stood behind Levi, resting his hands on his flanks, and bent down to kiss his shoulder. The
muscle tensed.

“I wasn’t trying to embarrass you,” Levi said.

“I know. I’d rather pretend I never had any association with the Wall Church, if it’s all the same.”
This time, the shoulder relaxed under his kiss. He ran one hand down Levi’s spine to his lower
back. Trying to change the subject, he said, “I like this, right here.”

“What?”

“This whole area. The indents here.” He traced the dimples on either side of Levi’s spine. “This
layer of fuzz.” He smoothed his palm across the soft layer of hair lining the very bottom of Levi’s
lower back. “This curve.” He slid down to the jutting gluteal muscles.

“Hm.” Levi drained his glass and set it down, then turned to face him, hands settling on Erwin’s
hips. The skin contact was warm and glowing, a sharp contrast to the cool air of the room. “While
we’re talking about asses, here’s the thing: I need you to get on all fours on the bed.”

“But?”

“But you still need to keep eye contact, right? To make sure you don’t forget who I am. I have an
idea that might work. ” Levi gave a nonchalant shrug. “We could move the dresser mirror to the
bed so you could see me in the reflection.”

Erwin considered. “Let’s try it.”

Together, they lifted the large mirror off the dresser. Levi ran a finger along the top of the frame to
check for dust, then rubbed his fingertips together and nodded. They leaned the mirror against the
head of the bed. Erwin sank to all fours in front of it. He would unfortunately have a clear view of
his own face, which might be distracting, but he was willing to put up with that if the mirror
reduced his chances of having a flashback. “That should work.”

“Good.” Levi knelt behind him, hands smoothing his hips. “Holy hell, Erwin.”

Erwin felt a shiver ripple through his body as the hands slid down the muscles of his ass. “What?”

“I always wondered how you’d look bent over in front of me.” Levi’s fingers curled into the
muscle. “That is way hotter than anything I imagined.”

Erwin felt his face redden. Having such a cleanliness-obsessed man scrutinizing the most vulgar
area of his body made him feel exposed, and he half-expected to hear a ‘tsk’ of disgust. He felt
vulnerable, as if he were half his age again, clumsily engaging in experimentation with an older
soldier—wanting to impress, but paralyzed by fear.

“You cleaned yourself, right?” Levi asked.

“Yes. Thoroughly.”

He expected a visual inspection, or, at most, a tentative touch.

Instead, he felt Levi’s tongue.

He yelped, slumping forward into the pillow.

The tongue pulled away. “You okay?”

Erwin’s head spun, and he lifted his head. “I didn’t expect—”

In the mirror’s reflection, he saw Levi watching him, face neutral. “You didn’t think I’d eat ass
because I hate dirt and shit?”

It was more crass than they way he would have phrased it, but accurate. “I don’t want you to feel
obligated to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

“Obligated? I told you, I’m only uptight about my own body. When there’s an ass this beautiful in
front of me, none of my bullshit matters.” Levi leaned forward again, running his tongue along the
crack. “Does it feel like I’m doing this because I’m obligated to?” His voice was partially muffled
by flesh.

Erwin’s eyelids fluttered closed. “No.”

“Good. Then shut up and enjoy it.”

He found it difficult to shed his self-consciousness, at first. His instincts were to squeeze his eyes
shut and bury his face in the pillow, but he fought to keep his eyes open, training his gaze on
Levi’s reflection. The sensations began to build, slowly at first, then faster. Tension built deep
inside him, and he vented it with gasps and moans, all louder than he had intended. When Levi
probed deeper, he heard himself yell.

“Mm.” Levi lifted his head, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Look at you, all
squirming and loud. Look at that beautiful expression on your face.”

Erwin’s eyes flicked to his own reflection. It was the first time he had ever seen his own face in
any sort of sexual situation—mirrors had never played into his sex life before—and he was
surprised by the raw honesty: flushed cheeks, wild eyes, raised brows, open mouth, flared lips. It
was a vulnerable expression. Human. Why did I ever worry about my humanity?

His eyes drifted back to Levi. You bring out my humanity. He felt a swell of love, so strong that it
was almost an ache.

“I can’t wait,” he said aloud, his voice cracking, “I need you.”

Levi ran a finger down his tailbone. “I’ve barely gotten started back here.”

The magnitude of his desire was difficult to express. There was a vacuum inside of him, an
emptiness that only Levi could fill. “I need you.”

“Well, you’ll just have to wait.” Levi bent forward again, and Erwin cried out.

Time began to distort. His world narrowed to the sensation of Levi’s tongue, the blasts of breath
against damp skin, the little hums and throaty groans that escaped from that heated mouth. His
hands kneaded into the pillow, the cotton surface impossibly soft against his skin. Every bit of his
body was sensitized, every hair standing on end.

Eventually, Levi pulled away, his voice quiet: “Where’s the lube?”

It took Erwin a moment to remember how to speak. “Bedside table. Left. Top drawer.”

The mattress shifted behind him. Struggling to catch his breath, he lifted his head and saw his own
reflection. He had moved beyond looking human now; there was a desperate light in his eyes, a
snarl on his lips. He looked feral.

Levi settled into place behind him, smoothing a hand along his spine. “You still doing okay?”

There were no words to express the strength of the bond he was feeling, the unfamiliar sensation of
surrender. “Fuck,” Erwin breathed.
A kiss pressed into his tailbone. “I need your help with this part. Tell me if I go too fast or too
slow.”

Erwin felt a drizzle of oil, then a slick finger, just barely pressing into him.

“Is this okay?” Levi asked, his voice still low and soothing.

“Yes.” His fingers were so slender that his presence was more comfortable than Erwin had
anticipated. Foreign—it had been a long time since another person’s finger had been inside him—
but not uncomfortable.

“Deeper?”

“Please.”

“Let’s see.” Levi gently pressed deeper, feeling around inside him. “Right about here?”

Electricity shot through Erwin’s lower body, and he winced. “A bit softer.”

Levi eased the pressure, and the electricity faded into a pleasant, warm hum. “Like that?”

“Yeah.” A bit shy, Erwin said, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“All this attention focused on me, but none on you … ”

“After having my face buried in that gorgeous ass, I need time to cool off, or I’m going to blow
before I’m even inside you.” Levi’s free hand slipped between Erwin’s legs, gripping him. “Are
you really concerned about my needs? Or do you just want to shift the attention away from
yourself because you have problems giving up control?”

Erwin gasped, his eyes slipping closed, as both of Levi’s hands began to move.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Levi said. “You can’t let anyone else take the lead, in the bedroom, on the
dance floor, in the field.” A kiss pressed into Erwin’s tailbone. “I saw your file. Tendency to
question and defy orders. You’re a control freak.”

Erwin’s mind was too frenzied to form a counter-argument. He felt a second finger gently stroke
him, a question, and he thrust his hips back against it in answer. When it slipped inside, he felt the
first stretch, the first flicker of pain, but Levi was patient, holding back until he relaxed, then
carefully proceeding. The pain faded, and his body began to glow.

“Oh shit, that’s hot,” Levi said, staring intently at him through the mirror, and Erwin realized a
string of curses had been pouring from his lips. He bit the pillow, but the words kept coming,
muffled by the fabric.

“I have half a mind to fuck you like this.” Levi bent down to kiss along his spine, down to his
tailbone. “But I want to see your face, and not just in a mirror.”

I can’t wait. “ More,” Erwin said, impatient.

“Already? Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Yes.” He lifted his head to make eye contact. “More.”

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then looked down to focus on his hand, gently introducing a third
finger. Discomfort spiked through Erwin; he bore down and breathed through it, teeth clenching,
eyes squeezing shut.

“You okay?” Levi’s voice was uncertain.

“Keep going,” Erwin said, strained.

“Don’t get greedy, you idiot. You need to take this slowly.”

“I’m fine. Keep going.” He took several slow breaths, and his body finally relaxed. Now he could
focus on the fullness, on the feeling of Levi gently massaging him inside and out. “Oh shit.”

“Does that feel okay?” Levi asked, his voice still uncertain.

Erwin’s eyes slowly opened, and in the mirror, he saw Levi watching him, one brow slightly
pinched. “Yes, it’s good, it’s good, it’s so good.” His eyes fluttered shut as warmth waved through
him. Shit, I’m not going to last. “Levi!” he said, the word rising in pitch.

Both hands stilled. Erwin breathed hard, feeling his body hover dangerously near the edge, then fall
safely back. He let out a long, low groan, his muscles relaxing again.

Levi gently withdrew his hand and, as if it had been propping him up, Erwin’s legs gave out. He
dropped to the mattress, rolling onto his side. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his breaths
ragged.

Levi carefully wiped his hands on a handkerchief, then set it on the side table. He circled around to
finish off the last of his wine, then lifted the mirror off the bed and set it against the wall.

Erwin watched him through slitted eyes, taking in his movements. Such grace and efficiency in his
build, his actions. Clumsily, he sat up.

Levi settled to a seat beside him, holding out the bottle of lubrication. His mouth opened, but
before he could speak, Erwin caught his jaw, lunging forward for a deep kiss. Levi leaned into it
with a long, low moan.

After several smaller kisses, their foreheads pressed together, their breath hot and damp on Erwin’s
lips. Wordlessly, he tugged the lube from Levi’s hand and opened the cap, pouring a generous pool
into his hand. He reached down to grip Levi and was surprised to find him hard.

“Feel what you do to me?” Levi whispered.

Erwin was still having trouble reconciling the man he knew with the acts he had performed, and
the evidence that he had not only tolerated the acts, but outright enjoyed them, made warmth rise in
his chest. He leaned forward for another kiss, still rubbing him with oil.

Then the kiss broke, and they paused, searching each other’s eyes.

“Ready?” Erwin asked quietly.

Levi swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

Erwin lay on his back, and together they tucked a folded pillow under his hips, tilting his pelvis up.
Levi looked smaller than usual as he knelt between Erwin’s legs, his petite form barely wider than
the thick thighs. His mouth was set in a firm line, eyes narrow with concentration, as he gripped
himself and eased forward.

The first push was too hard.

“Slower,” Erwin said politely, managing to keep his voice calm.

Pulling back a bit, Levi leaned forward. He began to kiss and stroke Erwin’s thighs, distracting
him, relaxing him. After a minute or two, he pushed a little deeper, gently working himself in and
out.

It won’t always be this complicated, Erwin reminded himself, trying not to let the effort dissuade
him. And in a few minutes, you’re going to be writhing with pleasure. Be patient.

“ Doing okay, Erwin?” murmured Levi into his thigh, one eye fixed on him.

The show of concern resonated disproportionately with Erwin, tightening his throat. He reached
out a shaky hand, the fingertips just barely brushing Levi’s jaw. “Go deeper.”

He had forgotten how strange it felt, at first, the crawling sensation that his anatomy wasn’t meant
to be used this way. It felt good, it felt really good, but it was still strange. Be patient. You’re
almost there.

“ Still okay?”

“Deeper.” He could feel his body relaxing, feel the pressure building a little more with each thrust.

Then, without warning, warmth radiated through his body. He tossed his head back. No, he had
been wrong before: this was natural, it was perfect, their anatomy combining in exactly the way it
was supposed to. He heard himself vocalize, felt Levi’s name shape his lips.

“Erwin, look at me.”

He lifted his head, and saw Levi staring at him with wonder, as if he, too, was feeling that perfect
bond. Erwin’s heart beat faster. He’s inside me. He’s inside me. The concept was surreal. He ran
his hand down the front of Levi’s body, feeling the abdominal muscles ripple in rhythm with their
movements.

Levi shifted his position, leaning forward, but then he looked frustrated. “I’m too short to kiss
you.”

“Here.” Erwin twisted to grab a couple pillows, propping them behind his upper body.

Levi slowed. “Your back—”

“I’m flexible.” The pillows forced his spine into a U-shape, bringing his head between his knees,
closer to Levi. He strained forward until his ears rang and his hamstrings screamed. Their lips
touched, and Levi began to thrust again. They pressed closer, tongues and moans intertwining,
bodies rocking together.

He’s inside me, he’s inside me. Fuck! Erwin wrapped his legs around Levi’s torso, pulling him
deeper, hands clawing into his back.

The kiss broke, and Levi pulled back to look down at him, his expression pained. “You feel so
good.”

“Yeah?” Erwin clenched around him, and Levi gasped, his eyelids fluttering.
“So good, so fucking good.” His palms ran roughly down Erwin’s thighs, across his abdomen,
between his legs. “I can’t— I—” His eyes were losing focus.

Erwin gripped his jaw, staring intently at him. “Levi, I want you to fuck me hard.”

A strangled cry left Levi’s lips, and he began to pick up speed. Even as his control slipped, his
movements stayed precise, driving along the most sensitive areas. Erwin stared up at Levi, filled
with awe, as he was overcome once again with a familiar thought: he’s a natural hunter, honing in
on my weak spots.

But no, that was wrong. This wasn’t weakness. Levi was reading his body and unleashing its
strength, lifting him, giving him flight. Energy built inside him, condensing between his legs,
radiating to his limbs.

Levi’s eyes rolled back, his fingers digging into Erwin’s hamstrings. A curse slid between his
clenched teeth, then another. Erwin ran his thumb along the narrow lower lip, feeling the damp
flesh, the hot blasts of each curse. His head was light, his body soaring. I love this man, I love him,
I love him …

“ I’m not— Erwin, I can’t—” Levi’s eyes opened, expression hard. The muscles of his torso and
shoulders were tense. He’s close.

Maybe Erwin should have slowed him down, made it last, but he wanted to see how far they could
fly together. He strained even closer, their mouths almost touching again. “Come on, Levi.
Harder.” He dropped one hand between his legs to touch himself.

“Fuck!” Levi closed the distance to kiss him, thrusting into him so hard that the bed frame began to
creak.

“Come on,” Erwin said into his mouth, his body beginning to shake from the strain of holding his
head up. He grabbed Levi’s shoulder to hold himself up, his legs tightening around Levi’s torso.
His back was contorted, but he was beginning to drift from his body, slipping into a world where
there was no discomfort. There was only Levi here, the rigid slamming, the gasps and moans that
were slipping from their lips.

“I’m going to come,” Levi gasped.

Erwin’s grip sped up as he tried to keep pace. His lips were almost too numb to form the words:
“Stay inside me.”

“Oh shit, Erwin, I’m—” Levi let out a wail, his last few strokes violent.

The warm contractions deep inside him were too much for Erwin. His mouth split in a silent
scream, his entire body coiling, tighter than he expected, tighter, tighter … And then the tension
released, his entire body shaking, his mind and groin glowing white-hot.

Even after the last contraction faded, he was still soaring, his body light, his mind at peace.

“Hey. Wake up.”

Erwin opened his eyes.

Levi leaned over him, holding out a handkerchief. “I mopped up your stomach, but I’m not wiping
your ass for you.”

“Mm.” Erwin accepted the handkerchief, his hand clumsy. “Did I fall asleep?”

“Passed out for a good twenty, thirty minutes.” Levi’s eyes twinkled. “Do you always fall asleep
after you come? Because I’m starting to notice a pattern.”

Erwin’s cheeks burned. “I’m prone to it, yes. Especially if the sex is really good.” He awkwardly
began to wipe up.

“So.” Levi sat on the bed beside him. “That counted as ‘really good?’”

“My limbs are still tingling.”

A hint of a smile showed on Levi’s face, and he edged closer. “You going to be up for round two
in a bit?”

Feeling a bit self-conscious, Erwin said, “I’m afraid my body doesn’t bounce back very quickly.”

“Oh. How much time do you need?”

“A few hours, at least. Probably until morning, after coming that hard.” He rose to his knees to do
one final wipe. “If you can’t wait that long, I’d be happy to take care of you.”

Levi shrugged. “I’ll wait until morning. It’s more fun when we’re both going to come.”

Erwin drew him close and pressed a kiss into his temple. He smelled of lemon soap, candle wax,
and sweat. “You smell good.”

“So do you. Every part of you. Fuck, Erwin.” Levi’s eyelids fluttered closed. “If you had told me
two weeks ago that this was where I’d be … ” He let the sentence hang unfinished.

“Any regrets?”

“Maybe that we didn’t do this sooner.” He turned to run his fingertips along Erwin’s jaw line. “I
never would have guessed you’d be that good in bed.”

“Likewise. We work well together.”

Levi hesitated. “Except for my height. Your back—”

“I told you, I’m flexible. It worked just fine.” Erwin leaned forward to kiss the high forehead, then
lingered, tasting the salt on his skin.

For a moment, they were silent, content to breathe together. Erwin’s mind began to drift back
through the evening, and, startled, he remembered the blood.

“How’s your nose?”

“Oh. I forgot about it until now.” Levi nestled under his chin. “I guess this would be a good time to
tell you about the mission in detail. I only gave you the short version before.”

“If you like. It can wait until morning.” He didn’t want to stir up unpleasant memories so soon after
such a powerful shared moment.

“No, I’d rather get it out of the way.” Levi idly drew a swirl in the centre of Erwin’s chest as he
began to walk through the mission, in thorough detail this time. When he came to the point where
Marie and Nile were talking, he paused. “Nile nearly shat himself when she told him you were
interested in men.”

“Did he, now?” Erwin said, not really surprised.

“He never noticed?”

“No, I kept all my relationships private, and my crushes as well. He probably thought I was
completely uninterested in sex—that’s why he never suspected Marie and I were together.”

“He was upset that he had changed his clothes so many times in front of you.” Levi glanced up at
him, disdain in his voice: “Please tell me you never had feelings for that rat-faced weasel.”

“No.” Erwin smiled. “Maybe a fleeting curiosity here or there, but nothing important. Of our close
group of friends, I was more enamoured with Mike.”

“Mike?” Levi repeated, grimacing.

“I’m afraid I pined after him for the better part of my first year,” Erwin said, amused by the
memory; the concept seemed bizarre now. “I thought everyone was like me, so his constant
crushes on girls didn’t deter me—I had no concept of people being straight or gay.” Still don’t, he
added to himself, still mystified by the gender divisions others imposed on their love lives, though
he had come to respect that it was important to others. “I finally tried to make a move at our first
Christmas party. He let me down gently, but things were always a bit awkward between us after
that.” He chuckled and shook his head, embarrassed for his kid self. “It was so long ago—I wonder
if he even remembers?”

“Mike,” Levi said again. “Zacharius.”

“Yes. Or— No, was that … I think it was Mike.” Erwin considered it, his memories hazy. “I
haven’t thought about this for a long time.”

Levi rolled onto his stomach, studying him. “You don’t remember?”

The intensity of his tone surprised Erwin. “Does it matter that much?”

“Yes, because your mind is supposed to be the one thing in this world I can trust. That’s the whole
reason I’m following you.”

“I keep telling you, Levi, you shouldn’t elevate me above anyone else. I’m human. I’m subject to
the same confabulation and forgetfulness as any other person.”

Levi looked disappointed. “But you’ve built your entire career around memories, right? Memories
that Nile thinks are delusions? What happens if your memory is wrong?”

“Well … ” Erwin combed hair off Levi’s forehead. “I’ve questioned their legitimacy myself, on
occasion. They feel more like dreams than memories, as if they exist on the periphery of my
consciousness. But they’re so detailed, so consistent with the details we keep uncovering about our
world and the titans, that I’m convinced they’re real. That belief is so strong that I’m willing to bet
my entire life on them. I’m a bit of a gambler, Levi: when the outcome is important enough, I’m
not afraid to play my entire hand.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what these memories are?” Levi asked, his face unreadable.
Erwin shook his head. “Only Nile knows, and it’s better that he doesn’t believe me. Like I told you,
knowledge is dangerous to possess. One day, I’ll prove my theories to the world. When you see the
proof for yourself, you’ll understand exactly why I joined the Survey Corps, why I’ve built my life
around securing humanity’s freedom. But until then, I can only ask for your trust and your loyalty.”
He raised a brow. “What about you, Levi?”

“What about me?”

“Are you a gambler? Are you willing to bet that my hidden hand is the winning one, without ever
seeing it for yourself?”

“You already know the answer, asshole,” Levi muttered, chucking him under the chin. “Stop
making me say it.”

“I like hearing it.”

“Fine: I’ll follow you, Erwin. Anywhere. And if all this leading up to yet another comment about
eventually sending me to my death, I swear to—”

“It’s not.” Erwin smiled. “We’re getting off topic. Perhaps you should continue with the mission
details.”

“Sure.” Levi folded his hands on Erwin’s chest and his chin on his hands, getting comfortable. He
spoke of the papers he had found in the garbage bin. The extravagant expenses didn’t surprise
Erwin, but he carefully filed them away in case he needed to pressure Nile later. When Levi
described the stamp that had accompanied the orders to direct the Survey Corps to the silo, Erwin’s
jaw clenched. He didn’t even need to see it drawn: he remembered Shadis looking at an envelope
bearing the two-tailed S, face white, mouth tight.

“Sahlo.”

“Sahlo? That asshole who pushed for the sacrifice expedition?” Levi’s brows furrowed. “What the
hell is he doing giving orders to Nile?”

“He’s an advisor to the Council; it’s not unheard of for them to make power plays within the MP.
Don’t worry, I have some ideas about how to address this tomorrow. Keep going—what happened
next?”

“Well, I found the letter Nile was writing to Zackly.” As Levi relayed the contents of the letter,
Erwin’s mind began to churn. He had to think of some way to convince Nile to drop that
conversation, while also convincing him to stay quiet about his relationship with Levi. He could
almost see the puzzle pieces coming together, but not quite—he’d let his mind continue working on
that problem tonight while he slept. He often found solutions came more easily after a good night’s
sleep.

“Then I went to the records room,” Levi said, his tone softening. “Niklaus’ file was in the same
drawer as Nile’s. I thought I’d just take one peek, but … ” His eyes dropped. Erwin subtly hugged
him a little tighter.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s fucked up. I don’t feel as upset as I should.”

Erwin stroked his hair. “You already grieved his loss years ago, even if you thought it was for a
different reason. Don’t hang onto guilt or sadness because you feel like it’s necessary. That’s what
I’ve done with Henrik’s death, and it only made me corrupt his memory with arbitrary rules and
rituals. Do what your emotions are telling you, even if they aren’t what you expect.”

Levi’s eyes rose to meet his. “No, it has to bother me, at least a bit. What if all this exposure to
death has been warping me? I barely even blinked when you told me Anke died.”

“You didn’t like Anke.”

“No, and she didn’t like me, either. But she was human; I respected her, and I spent a lot of time
working with her. What if I’m losing my ability to feel guilt and loss? What if they’re the only
things keeping my inner monster at bay, and going numb means I won’t be able to control it
anymore?”

“Your inner monster?” Erwin repeated, surprised.

Levi scoffed. “Come on, you’ve seen it in me, from the moment you first threw me into the mud.
It’s always there, trying to take control: it wants to drench my hands in blood. I felt it again tonight,
when I had my weapon on the girl. A part of me wanted to slit her throat and watch her bleed.”

The words made Erwin’s blood run cold.

Levi sat up, frantically rubbing the back of one of his hands as if scrubbing it. “If I don’t feel guilt
about what happened with Klaus—”

“You do,” Erwin said, confused. “Your reaction is what drew the guard.”

Levi switched to rubbing the other hand, mirroring the spot he had rubbed on the first one. “What
if I’m just a weapon? What if I’m just in denial, if my heart really is the cold heart of a killer?” He
seemed to be shrinking, his shoulders hunched, and Erwin recognized the twisted expression on his
face.

He’s withdrawing into the memories that took over last night.

Erwin pushed himself upright and sat behind the trembling man, pulling him back against his
chest. “Levi, you have the warmest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. If you ever feel you’re lacking
emotion, it’s because your body is doing what it has to do in order to survive. Sometimes, we aren’t
capable of processing every emotion we should, so the mind skims over a few. It doesn’t make you
a monster.”

Levi’s body was still shaking.

“Listen to me,” Erwin said gently, pressing his mouth to his ear. “You found a way to keep that girl
alive, even though it was the riskiest option. A cold-hearted killer would have chosen efficiency
without a second thought.”

“Yeah,” Levi said quietly. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Erwin reached around him and gripped his wrists, stilling the rubbing. “You chose to let her live.
Your hands are clean.”

Levi turned his palms up, as if examining them. “Yeah, I guess they are.” His body finally relaxed;
he slumped back against Erwin.

They were silent for a moment.

“I’ve killed before,” Levi said, his voice barely audible.

The confession didn’t surprise Erwin. From the first time they had locked eyes, he had seen in Levi
the desire to survive at any cost. He could still feel the kiss of steel against his neck as Levi stared
down at him during their first expedition together, ready to end his life. “It’s okay,” he said quietly,
hugging him tighter.

“It’s not okay, Erwin.”

“It is okay. Everything you ever did brought you to this moment, to a role where you save the lives
of countless people every time you head onto the field, eliminating the titans that would have been
their doom. If you really are a weapon, Levi, then you are humanity’s weapon. It doesn’t matter
how many lives you took before you found your true path: it ultimately led you to save far, far
more.”

“It doesn’t work that way. You can’t just weigh lives ended against lives saved and decide you’re a
good person if you’ve saved more than you’ve ended.”

Erwin fell silent. That was the exact calculation he made every single time he planned an
expedition.

“I’ll shut up about this.” Levi rubbed his forehead, the tension vanishing from his body. “To think I
was complaining about your pillow talk. We’re both morbid as hell.”

Erwin hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”

“Let’s just drop it. I’m fine.”

After a long pause, Erwin said, “Okay. Keep talking about your mission. What happened after you
drew the guard’s attention?”

As Levi relayed the rest of his mission, his speech was dull, as if he were guarding his emotions.
He explained the guard’s skills in detail, and Erwin was impressed by her resourcefulness. If she
was from the Ral family he was familiar with, then it was a family trait; his first Squad Leader had
been a man by the name of Ral, an excellent fighter with a solid head and kind heart.

“And that’s everything.” Levi pushed away and stood. “I need a drink. You?”

“Maybe one more.” Erwin rose to his feet as well. He took a moment to stretch as Levi emptied the
bottle into the glasses.

“What about you, Erwin?” Levi asked, handing him a glass. “Was your night any less shitty?”

“Yes, though not as productive as I had hoped. I managed to speak with a few potential investors,
but then everyone got too drunk for rational discussion. I gave up and went looking for Nile and
Marie to try to patch things up, but of course they weren’t home.” He thought again of Jasper’s
eyes, and his mouth set in a straight line.

Levi cast him a sidelong glance. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I met their child.”

Levi said nothing, waiting.

Erwin took a long swallow of the wine, then said, “It takes more than the initial act to be a father—
far, far more. I would be a terrible father, and Nile is a good one.”

Levi’s gaze flickered. “You’ve got an entire Corps to raise.”

“I suppose I do.” Still, he couldn’t stop thinking about those blue eyes.

There was a long pause as they sipped the wine. After a few minutes, Levi wandered to the
window and knelt in front of it, opening the curtain. Erwin settled into place beside him. The moon
was bright, but the stars were barely visible here, drowned by the city lights. He idly dragged his
finger across the glass. Cool air cushioned the window; it felt good on his glowing skin.

He breathed on the glass, then doodled Sahlo’s seal in the condensation. “Is this the stamp you
saw?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin pressed his palm into the glass, erasing the seal. He was struck with a childish urge to draw
Levi’s profile on the glass, or perhaps their initials with a heart around them. He smiled to himself,
imagining the repugnance he’d see on Levi’s face if he did something so sickeningly cute.

He glanced at Levi and saw him staring at the moon, his frown deep. Is he thinking about his past
again?

“ Levi?” he asked gently.

“If I were to tell you right now that we’d only be having sex the way we did tonight, would you
leave?”

Erwin studied him. “What do you mean?”

“My size puts so many limitations on the ways I can fuck you. And I know you like to be in control
and do things to your partner, maybe even more than receiving.” Levi looked small and boyish; he
folded his arms over his chest. “Are you going to get bored, or feel like you’re being neglected?”

“I would consider myself lucky to experience tonight’s pleasure over and over.” Erwin breathed on
the glass again and idly drew a spiral, starting from the outside and working inwards. “Sexuality is
so nuanced and complicated that no two people will ever align exactly. We will work together. Just
look at how amazing tonight was, and that was only our first time—we’ll only get more skilled
from here.”

For a moment, they were silent.

“What does it feel like?” Levi asked quietly.

“What?”

“Having me inside you.”

“Like this, I suppose.” Erwin finished the spiral, then drew rays bursting from its centre. “Coiling
inwards, then erupting from the centre.”

Levi sighed. “Can you give me a less bullshit answer?”

Erwin smiled. “I’m not sure I can put it into words. I can feel you inside me, separate but joined,
and every time you move past the sensitive spot, I feel a throb of warmth inside me. It feels
strange, at first—like a full bladder, or like things are moving in the wrong direction—but as the
body relaxes, it evolves into a satisfying fullness, and beyond, into a deep connection. It feels … ”
Words were failing him.

“Good?”

“Incredible.”

Levi stared at the patch of fading condensation. “So why do you prefer to top if it feels so good to
be fucked?”

“Well, partly because no one had ever taken me with such skill, so I didn’t realize it could be that
good,” Erwin said, matter-of-fact. “Partly because I enjoy controlling the depth and rhythm, which
is easier to do, in most positions, from the top.” He glanced at Levi. “When you called me a control
freak, you weren’t wrong.”

Levi didn’t seem to hear him. His brows were low, his eyes hard, as if he were focused on
something far outside the window. “What if I told you I wanted to try it?”

Erwin’s heart beat in his throat. “I’d be honoured by your trust, but I wouldn’t want you to feel
pressured. I can tell you were uncomfortable with being touched, let alone pushing any further.”

“Look, it’s just … You’re not the only control freak here.” Levi shrugged. “What happened in the
bathtub felt too good. It scared me. I have some issues with control, and not just in the bedroom.”

This wasn’t news to Erwin, but he gently put his arm around him in a show of support. “Then I’m
flattered you give yourself to me with such abandon.”

“It took a lot of practice to learn to let go. At first, I was always silent during sex, and I had so
many rules: always from behind, no touching, kissing only before or after.” Levi shook his head. “I
must have been a boring lay.”

“I can’t imagine.”

Levi looked down. “The thing is, I can control my voice, my muscles, all that. I can’t control my
asshole, not completely. I’ve fucked enough of them to know that sometimes things get filthy. I’ll
be damned if I’m going to get my filth on anyone.” His brows dropped. “Or that’s what I always
thought. But maybe I’m just hanging onto that thought because I’m scared to let go.”

Erwin thought of his own anxiety when he had been on all fours. “I understand. There’s a certain
vulnerability to revealing a part of yourself that you can’t control. Such vulnerability requires an
astronomical level of trust.”

“Yeah.” Levi shrugged. “So I thought maybe we could try it again. Not sex, just what we did in the
bathtub. Maybe tomorrow, so I can make sure I’m clean.”

“You don’t have to do this for me.”

“Well, what if I want to try it for my own sake?” He chanced a look up, and their gaze held.

“Levi,” Erwin said solemnly, “I will try whatever you want, whenever you want. I promise you I
will never judge you no matter what happens, and you will always have the right to pull away from
any activity you don’t enjoy. I will never betray your trust.”

“I know.” Levi’s voice was a whisper, his face soft.

Emotion swelled in Erwin’s chest, so strong that he felt tears forming in his eyes. He quickly
blinked them back, scolding himself for being so sentimental. It was too soon to make the
confession he wanted, so he settled on vagueness instead: “You know, Levi, a man could fall in
love with someone like you.”

Levi’s jaw clenched. “Bad things happen to people who fall in love with me.”

“I’ll take that gamble. I’m Commander of the Survey Corps; I’ve dedicated my life to having bad
things happen to me, anyway.” He drew him in, resting his cheek on the dark hair. “Remember,
Levi: when the outcome is important enough, I’m not afraid to play my entire hand.”

After a moment, Levi leaned against his shoulder, his body relaxed.
 Gamble
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you so much for your lovely comments, and for sharing your thoughts and
pictures and all that good stuff. You encourage me to keep writing. :)

Previous chapter: Levi returns from his mission; Erwin helps clean the blood from his
face, and then they finally do it. :D

-14-

Gamble

Levi awoke to find Erwin half-sprawled on top of him, snoring in his ear. Each noisy breath reeked
so strongly of old alcohol that Levi grimaced.

“Get off me,” he muttered with a hint of humour, pushing. Erwin mumbled in his sleep and rolled
onto his other side, taking most of the blankets with him.

Levi considered wrestling for his share of the covers and spooning up behind him, but the curtains
were already glowing with the orange light of sunrise, and the room was in disarray. He slipped out
of bed.

His first task was to isolate the handkerchief they’d used the night before; he tossed it into an
empty laundry sack. Next, he set the wine glasses and bottle neatly next to the door for
housekeeping to take away. He hung their suits in the closet, taking a moment to appreciate that
Erwin had folded them when he had tossed them on the dresser. He placed the dresser mirror back
where it belonged. Once the mirror was in place, he wiped their greasy fingerprints off the glass,
then paused to check the damage from Petra Ral’s attack. The bridge of his nose was bruised, and
the hollows around his eyes were darker than usual, but the damage wasn’t nearly as noticeable as
Erwin’s black eye.

When the room was suitably tidy, he went into the other bedroom and messed up the bed a little, as
if it had been slept in. The last thing they needed was a nosy housekeeper discovering their
sleeping arrangement.

Content that everything was in its right place, he gave himself a minute to kneel by the bed to study
Erwin. Erwin’s face was so slack that it was difficult to imagine it twisted with plea- sure. Their
encounter was bathed in a warm haze in Levi’s mind, as if it had all been a pleasant dream. He
kissed the tip of the sharp nose, then stood.

When he arrived in the bathroom, his eyes were drawn to the basin; it was streaked with old blood,
the washcloth stained with rusty splotches. His nose wrinkled. He scrubbed the basin clean, then
tossed the soiled cloth into the sack with the handkerchief.

Now, finally, their hotel room was in satisfactory con- dition. He drew a bath, not bothering to heat
the water first. He intended to take his usual speedy bath, but his groin was unusually sensitive
from their activities the night before, so he lingered. Memories drifted through his mind, and a
shiver ran down his spine.

He would never have imagined the strength of the fires that burned behind those icy blue eyes.
Even when Erwin was yelling curses into the pillow, with his body at the whim of Levi’s fingers,
Levi had felt as if they were moving in unison as equals. It had been reminiscent of the palm-to-
palm dance they had shared on the rooftop: the important part was not the steps themselves, not
who was leading or following, but the fact that they were doing them together.

He couldn’t wrap his head around it. He was accustomed to his partner offering himself up, to
everything being strictly under his control—but on a level he couldn’t explain, the whole time he
had been inside Erwin, Erwin had been inside him as well.

Maybe my control issues aren’t as deep-rooted as I thought.

Erwin’s words floated into his mind: When the uniforms come off, the hierarchy between us
disappears. Maybe that was what made this thing between them so special. Levi hadn’t realized
how dependent he was on hierarchy to make sense of his life, both in bed and outside it. The
Underground had a pecking order. The military had a pecking order. He had thought there was a
pecking order between him and Erwin, too, but the less he saw him as Commander Erwin Smith
and the more he saw him as just Erwin , the more he realized what Erwin was trying to express: at
the end of the day, they were both just men.

When Levi dug beneath the armour of control he had carefully built around his heart, there was a
yearning to be vulnerable, to be seen as Levi : not Humanity’s Strongest, not a Squad Leader, not a
renowned criminal. Just Levi.

It was going to take work to let someone in; that was a struggle he and Erwin both shared. But if
there was someone Levi could ever learn to bare his soul to, it was Erwin Smith.

He carefully washed his ass. He still wasn’t sure if he was ready to expand his horizons just yet—
he was already pushing hard against his emotional boundaries—but if the occasion presented itself,
he was damned well going to be as clean as possible. He spent some time working at his entrance,
using all the coaxing techniques he had used so many times on partners. When his finger finally
slipped in a little, he winced at the stretching sensation; it was a burning feeling, almost prickly. I
should have grabbed the lube before I did this.

The thought of missing any lingering bit of filth pushed him past the discomfort. He took it
slowly, and after several minutes, he was surprised to find he had eased his entire finger inside
himself. What’s the big deal about this? It didn’t feel special; it just felt like he had to take a shit.
He felt around a little, playing with his prostate a bit. Now I feel like I have to shit and piss at the
same time.

His lip curled as he slowly withdrew his finger, then scrutinized it. It was surprisingly clean, but
now he couldn’t shake the feeling that the water was contaminated. He pulled the plug, hurried out
of the tub and washed his hands several times in the basin.

Once he had brushed his teeth, patted on deodorant powder and combed his hair, he returned to the
main bedroom.

Erwin hadn’t moved. The sunlight coming through the curtains was yellow now, and Levi
frowned. At this point, they were burning daylight.
“Hey.” He kicked the bed.

Erwin muttered non-words, shifting.

“Come on. Get your lazy ass out of bed.” At the mention of Erwin’s ass, a memory flashed through
his mind—Erwin on all fours in front of him, ass high in the air—and another shiver rippled
through him.

“Hm?” The blond eyelashes parted, then Erwin clutched his face. “Oh shit, my head.”

“You’re hung over?” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Lightweight.”

“A little quieter, please.” Erwin’s words were muffled by his hands. “Can I ask a favour? My coin
purse is in the top drawer. I could really use a strong coffee and something soft and bread-like.”

“Go get it yourself.”

Erwin squinted at him. “It looks like it’s really bright outside.”

Levi gave a tch and rifled through the drawer until he found the coin purse. “Fine. But I’m not
going to spend our last full day out here babysitting you. Have a bath and pull yourself together.”

He dressed in his uniform, taking a moment to neatly tie his cravat. As he stormed downstairs, he
tried to tell himself he was annoyed, but he felt guilty instead. You were the one feeding him wine.
What did you think was going to happen?

The streets were nearly empty save for shopkeepers setting up for the day. The sun was already
warm against Levi’s skin, the sky blue. Once upon a time, this crisp morning air would have tasted
like freedom, but in comparison to the air outside the walls, it tasted of dust and rotting fruit. His
nose wrinkling, Levi strolled to the nearest bakery and pushed through the door.

A young couple stood by the back shelves, setting out bags of bread. At the sound of the door
closing, they turned. Their eyes lit up with recognition, then clouded with confusion. Levi could
almost see their thought process: Humanity’s Strongest! But why’s he so short? He wasn’t sure
what bothered him more: that flicker of disappointment, or the fact that he was already so
recognizable.

He strode forward and pulled a loaf of bread off the shelf. The strong scent of yeast made his
stomach growl. “Hey,” he said to the couple. “Do you sell coffee?”

“I’ll brew a pot!” the man said, hurrying to the back of the store. The woman was still staring at
him with round eyes.

“What?” Levi asked.

“I’m sorry, it’s just … ” Her cheeks rouged. “Thank you for visiting our humble shop, Squad
Leader Levi, sir.”

“How the hell do you know who I am?” he asked, skin crawling.

“We were at Commander Erwin’s induction ceremony yesterday. The whole neighbourhood was
there, really.” She stared fixedly at the floor. “We’ve all heard about you: the man who came from
nothing, who fights as well as a thousand men, who’ll keep us all safe from the titans. Thank you
for everything you do for humanity.”
I used to steal bread from shops like this. He turned to study the pastries in a display case near the
cash register.

A few minutes later, the man returned, carrying a thermos. He thrust it at Levi. “It’s not very good
quality, but I hope it will suffice.”

Skin still crawling, Levi accepted it. “How much?”

“It’s all complimentary. Consider it our thanks for all you do for humanity.”

“This thermos looks expensive.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” The man bowed. “Thanks for visiting our bakery.”

“Yes, thank you,” the woman said.

Levi eyed them, then strode for the exit.

When he returned to the hotel room, Erwin was in the bathroom brushing his teeth; his hair was
damp, and he wore a towel around his waist.

“Here’s your fucking coffee.” Levi flung the thermos and bread onto the bed, then pulled off his
boots.

“Everything okay?” Erwin asked, the words barely understandable around his toothbrush.

“Why the hell are people treating me like a hero?” Levi set his boots neatly against the wall, then
flopped backwards onto the bed. “I thought the Interior hated the Corps.”

Erwin spat and rinsed his mouth, then said, “Many do—the wealthy, in particular. They think our
expeditions are an unnecessary risk to their cushy lifestyles. But you, Levi, know this best: not all
residents here are wealthy. Even above ground, there are those who scrape by on struggling
family-owned businesses. To them, you are a man who rose from nothing to become important,
something they all dream of doing themselves.”

“Well, then they can enlist. I’m not here to be an example.” Levi dropped his forearm over his
eyes.

He heard padding footsteps; the bed shifted with Erwin’s weight. “I’m sorry to say this, Levi, but
you’d better get used to it. As time passes, your reputation is only going to grow.”

“You’re the hero here, not me.”

“No. I’m the leader of the military regiment that will cost them the lives of their friends and
family. I’ll be the one to blame for their deaths, for any missteps we make. My name will be the
one they curse and sob. They need a hero, someone who gives them hope, and it won’t be me.”

“Fuck,” Levi said, because knew Erwin was right. He lifted his arm. “The couple at the bakery
gave us free coffee and bread.”

“That was kind of them.” Erwin opened the thermos and took a deep breath. “Ah. I’ve missed
having coffee this fine. Would you like to share?”

“I don’t drink coffee.” Levi sat up and opened the bread bag, peering inside it. “We’re going to get
crumbs everywhere if we eat this here.”
“Then I’ll get dressed and we can find a nice park bench to eat at, maybe stop to buy you some tea
along the way. There’s a park on the other side of the barracks that will be quiet this time of
morning, and we can go straight up to Nile’s office once we’re finished.”

“Nile’s office?”

“If I remember correctly, you said Marie told him to go back early this morning. I owe him an
apology.” Erwin took a sip of the coffee, then let out a contented sigh. “I needed this. Thank you.”

“How’s your head?” Levi asked, still feeling a bit guilty. “I shouldn’t have given you so much to
drink.”

Erwin smiled. “I can manage my own intake, Levi. Or rather, I can take responsibility for my
mismanagement of it. My head is pounding, but my focus is clear. I can still manoeuvre around
Nile with ease.”

“Manoeuvre around him?” Levi repeated. “You aren’t just going there to apologize, are you?”

Erwin's smile took on a smug curve; he took another sip of coffee, then stood and began to dress.

They walked in silence toward the barracks, side-by-side. Erwin stopped at a small tea shop. As
they stood at the counter, Levi saw two young children in his periphery, pointing and whispering,
admiration on their faces. Somehow, being admired while he was with Erwin wasn’t as annoying
as it had been when he was alone. On some level, deep down, he liked being seen with Erwin—he
liked the idea of people seeing how important they were to each other.

“You drink it black, right?” Erwin asked, passing him a thermos.

“They gave you a thermos, too?”

“No, I bought it. You can use it to bring tea with you on expeditions.” Erwin gripped his shoulder.
“Let’s move on.”

They walked around to the back side of the barracks, coming upon a park built around a small man-
made pond. Trees lined the property at even intervals, a small gravel path lining its borders. Once
upon a time, Levi had looked at parks like this as wild expanses of green space. If only I’d known
what was outside the city.

They settled on a bench. A dozen or so soldiers were jogging on the path, sometimes in pairs,
sometimes alone. As each of them passed by, they paused to shout, “Good morning, Commander,”
always with the exact same intonation.

“Creepy,” Levi muttered. He glanced up at Erwin. “Did you sit us here just so you could feed your
bloated ego?”

Erwin smiled. “No, but I must admit, it’s an unexpected perk. It still doesn’t seem real that I’m a
Commander.” He pulled the loaf of bread out of its bag, then produced a small jar of preserves and
a knife. “I saw this at the tea shop, and I couldn’t resist. I hope you like apple butter.”

“Sure,” Levi said, even though he had never had the occasion to try it.

Together, they polished off the bread and preserves, sipping the drinks from their thermoses. The
shadows shortened as the sun rose higher in the sky, and members of the public began to trickle
into the park. A few of them walked dogs on leashes. Levi’s nose wrinkled.
“How can they spare the food for those filthy beasts, when the humans beneath their feet are
starving?”

“They’re the last generation of pets,” Erwin said. “When Wall Maria fell, the government
mandated that people were only allowed to keep food animals from then on.” He leaned closer to
Levi. “I’m surprised to hear you call them filthy beasts. I had you pegged as a dog lover—when I
took possession of your belongings, I saw a small wooden dog among them.”

“Oh.” Levi shrugged. “Yeah, a friend whittled that for me.” He took a long sip of tea, planning to
leave it there, but then decided he was feeling chatty. “There was this old stray dog that used to
follow me around when I was a teenager, some sort of shepherd mix with one eye. She kept me
warm and safe while I was sleeping, and I kept her fed and clean. I bawled like a baby when she
died, so my friend gave me the carving. I carried it everywhere for a few years.” He idly drummed
his fingers on the thermos. “She really was a filthy beast, though. Used to eat garbage and roll
around in puddles, shit like that.”

Erwin smiled. “You really do have a kind heart, Levi.”

Levi shrugged, embarrassed, and stood. “Let’s go get this visit with shitbeard over with.”

A guard greeted them at the entrance and, upon learning their destination, insisted on escorting
them to Nile’s office. As they approached, Levi could see a cleaning cart set up outside the records
room. The staff must be cleaning up the mess left by the battle he and Petra had fought the night
before. His heart pounded in this throat. I hope she was true to her word and kept our secret.

Nile sat at his desk, hurriedly sorting through papers; he didn’t even look up as they entered.

“Commander Erwin Smith and Squad Leader Levi, sir,” the guard said.

Nile looked up, his eyes widening. “Erwin? What the hell are you doing here?” In spite of the
words, there was no surprise in his voice.

“That’s no way to greet a friend,” Erwin said, helping himself to a seat. Levi slumped into the chair
next to him and folded his arms over his chest. The office was even messier than the night before,
and the morning light revealed cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling.

“I’m busy, so whatever you want, make it quick.” Nile shoved a stack of papers into a folder, not
even bothering to align the edges of the paper first, and Levi felt his temples throb. He visualized
himself reaching over and tapping the papers across the desk to tidy them, and that soothed his
irritation a little.

“I wanted to stop in and apologize,” Erwin said quietly.

Nile’s jaw set. “Apologize?”

“For my behaviour last night. It should have been a lovely evening of reminiscing, and instead I
tried to drag you into my delusions yet again, and I upset Marie.” Erwin bowed his head. “I’m
sorry. You’re both dear friends, and I shouldn’t have treated you with such disrespect.”

Levi eyed him, surprised by the word choice.

Nile leaned back in his chair, evidently thrown off by the same word: “Delusions?”

“The dreams I used to refer to as memories.” Erwin looked down, a sad smile on his face. “I’m
more firmly entrenched in reality these days than I once was, but something about the familiar air
renewed my old zeal, and I began to lose myself again. I wanted so badly to believe that the
dreams were real, that I had some great insight or knowledge others lacked, but it simply isn’t true.
It wasn’t just you who had to hear my old ramblings—last night, after the gala, I spoke with Levi
about them in length. Thankfully, he was able to pick them apart and open my eyes to just how
delusional I really was. It’s a great weight off my shoulders. I owe him more than I convey.” He
reached over to Levi and gently squeezed his shoulder, a tender smile on his lips.

Levi stared at him, confused. Erwin, what the hell are you doing?

“ At any rate.” Erwin turned back to Nile, “I owe you an apology, face-to-face, for all the time I
spent trying to convince you those delusions were real. I drove a wedge between us over the years,
Nile. I am deeply sorry.”

Nile cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. “Oh.” After a long pause, he added, “You and Levi
… uh … Marie seems to think you two—” He cleared his throat again, then folded his arms over
his chest. “You know, never mind. I’m glad someone finally knocked some sense into you.”

Erwin smiled. “Indeed. We should all be so lucky to have such a devoted second-in-command.”

“I guess.” Nile’s face was crimson, and Levi felt his cheeks burn, too.

“At any rate, now that I have delivered my apology, I suppose we should head downstairs,” Erwin
said. “Lord Sahlo will be waiting for us.”

Though the words were a surprise, Levi sat perfectly still, his face impassive, not wanting to
interfere with whatever scheme Erwin was hatching.

“Sahlo?” Nile gave Erwin a blank look. “He’s working in his parliament office today.”

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked. “He specifically said to come to this office.”

“He’s only here Tuesday through Thursday.”

“Ah,” Erwin said. “I suppose I shouldn’t have made this appointment last night. I’m afraid he was
rather drunk at the time.”

“I can ask someone to hire you a cab,” Nile said, apparently eager to get them out of his office. “Or
send a messenger to alert him—”

“No, no, we’ve wasted enough of your time. Let’s go, Levi.”

Finally, thought Levi, standing.

“Wait,” Nile said. “Before you go—you came by my house last night.”

Shit. Levi sat back down again, folding his arms over his chest.

“Yes, to deliver my apology,” Erwin said.

“Yeah, we got your note.” Nile hesitated. “You should visit more often. I know Marie misses you,
and Jasper won’t stop talking about you. You made quite the impression on him. Though he had
some questions about your black eye that I couldn’t answer.” He raised a brow.

“He’s a good lad,” Erwin said. “Sharp for his age.” He stared evenly at Nile. “He has your nose.”

Their gaze held for a moment, then Nile looked away. “Yeah, I guess he does.”
This is awkward as shit. Unable to tolerate the tension any longer, Levi let out a loud sigh. “You
said your apology, Erwin. Can we go?”

“Yes, I think that’s everything,” Erwin said. “Thanks for your time, Nile. I hope we’ll see you
again soon.”

Levi stood and began to walk to the door. He was surprised to feel Erwin’s hand yet again on his
lower back, guiding him forward. In front of Nile?

As they reached the door, Erwin stopped. “Oh, and one last thing: I’m going to be sending you a
request for a few transfers.”

Nile sighed and set his pen down. “Why?”

“I’m working with Sahlo on some special operations, and we need three skilled fighters to round
out our optimal squad makeup. I’ve taken a look at this year’s rankings, and I’d like to request
Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, and Luba Lehtonen. All three expressed interest in the Survey Corps early
on, so they are likely going to be easily swayed with an onboarding bonus. I’d be willing to make
some budgetary concessions to make this happen, ones that could benefit the Military Police.”

“Ral?” Nile’s eyes darted to Levi, and for one dizzying moment, Levi thought his botched mission
had been exposed, but then the gaze darted back to Erwin, unchanged. “Why do you want Ral? She
might look good on paper, but she’s an airhead. Last night she caused a fuss by shooting up our
records room. Thought she saw a mouse or some nonsense.”

“Is that so?” Erwin asked with a small chuckle. “Well, her uncle was my first Squad Leader, and I
believe excellence is in her bloodline. Her combat scores were phenomenal. Besides … ” His eyes
twinkled. “We house all sorts of quirks under our roof. She’d fit right in with the rest of the Corps.”

“I suppose she would.” Nile leaned forward, contemplating. “I’ll talk to the Commander when he’s
back from leave. We can probably spare Ral and Bozado, but Lehtonen is pregnant, so I doubt
she’ll accept.”

“Then I’ll leave it in your hands to choose a suitable third candidate.” Erwin smiled. “Take care,
Nile, and please pass along our regards to Marie and Jasper.”

As they began to march side-by-side down the hallway, Levi’s head spun. “What the hell was all
that about?”

“I’ll tell you when we get back to the hotel.” Erwin stood tall, nodding respectfully at soldiers they
passed. “You did well.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“That was exactly what I needed. At our next destination, however, you’ll have a role to play.”

“So what’s next? Are you going to meet with your sister?”

Erwin grimaced. “That’s right, she asked to meet today, didn’t she? No, we have other tasks to
attend to. I’ll explain our plans to you shortly.”

They crossed the cobblestone street and returned to their hotel room. Once they were safely inside,
Levi leaned against the dresser, folding his arms over his chest.

“Okay, fill me in. You tricked Sahlo’s location out of him, and you were trying to convince him
you no longer believed your dreams so he wouldn’t send that letter to Zackly about your
‘delusions’. I got that much. But why the hell were you all over me? Don’t we want to convince
him we aren’t fucking?”

Erwin leaned against the dresser beside him, slumping a little, legs crossed at the ankle. He
reached for Levi’s hand, pulling it into his lap. “Your observations are astute. However, there was
no point in pretending there was nothing between us. Marie is already certain we’re partners. If she
believes it, Nile will believe it.”

“Partners,” Levi repeated, his heart pounding. “Is that what we are?”

“Lovers? Boyfriends? Beaus? What term would you use?”

Levi realized his fingers were curling; he relaxed them. “Let’s not label it yet.”

Erwin’s fingers traced the lines of Levi’s palm, and warmth trickled up his forearm, slow and lazy.
“Regardless, Nile has one characteristic I can use to my advantage: he truly wants what’s best for
me. So long as he believes my relationship with you is in my best interest, he’ll stay quiet. All I had
to do was convince him that you were the key element ‘curing’ me of my delusions. As far as he’s
concerned, you’re neutralizing my risky ambitions, while also keeping me grounded and happy.
From both a personal and professional perspective, this will seem like the perfect arrangement. He
won’t dare risk destroying that.”

“Hm.” Levi felt a swell of admiration. “So what about the transfers? You had those names all
ready to go. Why three?”

“I always have an eye on the list of top graduates. It’s good information to have in one’s back
pocket, and we really can use as many good soldiers as we can get. Your friend Petra Ral’s request
to transfer puts us in a good position: it allows Nile to plant an informant in our ranks.”

Levi eyed him. “That’s a good thing?”

“It is. Once we’ve identified an informant, they can be selectively exposed to information, which
allows us to manipulate the person on the receiving end. Even if I’ve eased Nile’s suspicions a bit,
this opportunity will seem too perfect to pass up; by asking for a pregnant soldier who was unlikely
to transfer, I’ve ‘accidentally’ left a slot open for him to hand-pick his own candidate. If he has any
lingering doubts about my intentions—and I’m certain he does, especially after I mentioned Sahlo
—he’ll start to wonder, do I trust Erwin? Should I use this opportunity to plant a spy in the Corps,
just in case? ”

Levi raised a brow. “So he thinks he’s outsmarting you by sending in a soldier who’ll monitor you.
Instead, you get a way to feed him any information you want, and maybe misdirect him if you need
to.”

“Precisely.”

“You shifty bastard,” Levi said, impressed. He slid his thumb across the back of Erwin’s hand,
feeling the soft blond hair. His body began to stir. “How’s your hangover?”

“Quite a bit better, which is fortuitous. I’ll need to be sharp to go head-to-head with Sahlo.”

“What? What are you planning?”

The blue eyes twinkled. “We’re going to gather our ammunition and pay Sahlo a visit.”
“Oh,” Levi said, a little disappointed that they were heading right to another business meeting
instead of having sex. Erwin had told him he’d have to be aggressive to get through to him, true,
but he wasn’t sure if this current plan was time-sensitive. He wasn’t about to screw up Erwin’s
plans just for the sake of a quick fuck. “And by ammunition, you mean?”

“The lockbox of the King’s tax money.” Erwin pushed himself away from the dresser, then lazily
stepped around Levi to face him. “I want you to come armed. He may try to threaten me, and he
needs to understand I’m well-protected. Don’t hurt him—just make him understand how dangerous
you are.”

“Okay.”

“And Levi,” Erwin said, gripping his shoulder, “I may act as if I’m upset with you for acting out of
line. I apologize in advance. I need to sell the idea that you’re willing to do anything to protect me,
without permission.”

“Okay,” Levi said again. “You’ve got this all planned out, don’t you? You’re already six steps
ahead of that asshole.”

Erwin smiled. “It will be a gamble. Last night was my first time talking with him directly, and he
was too drunk to partake in a coherent discussion, so I didn’t get a chance to size him up—I’m not
sure what I’m facing. But I believe my bet will work out in a way that benefits us all.” He looked
regal, his chin high, the window’s light glowing behind him, and Levi felt a swell of heat deep
inside his abdomen.

Their gaze held.

“Do we have to leave right away?” Levi asked.

“The parliament office doesn’t open until ten on Saturdays. We have a bit of time before we have
to leave.” Erwin’s eyelids drooped, his pupils softening. “Did you have something in mind?”

“Well,” Levi said, “you’re hot when you’re scheming, and we never did have that round two.”

“Hm, I see.” Erwin bent down, forcing their mouths together so hard that the dresser creaked under
their weight.

Lust spread through Levi like flames through tinder. He tasted bitter coffee on Erwin’s breath, but
he ignored it, pushing his tongue past Erwin’s, into his mouth. Their heads tilted, the kiss
deepening, and Erwin let out a rumbling groan that vibrated their mouths.

Then Erwin pulled away, their lips still skimming. “One thing first.” He sank to his knees, pushed
the uniform skirt aside, and expertly unhooked Levi’s lower harness from his belt.

“Shit,” Levi whispered, slumping back against the dresser as he watched.

Once the buttons were undone, Erwin pulled Levi out of his pants. He lunged forward, his mouth
so soft and wet that Levi threw his head back. Blood rushed between his legs as he hardened.

“Fuck,” Erwin breathed, frantically rubbing his lips, his nose, his face along him.

“Oh shit.” Levi tilted his hips toward him. “What the hell’s gotten into you?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you during my bath.” He sucked hard, and Levi winced, still
sensitive.
“Softer.”

Erwin eased up, but his movements were still frantic. Levi watched him, jaw hanging slack, eyes
half-shut. That eager mouth felt so good that he didn’t want to interrupt, but he had put a lot of
effort into washing his ass.

“Use your finger, if you want. Inside me.”

Erwin pulled back, lips sliding along him again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I cleaned up, so it should be fine.” Levi swallowed hard and folded his arms over his chest.
“So do what you want.”

“Levi.” Erwin kissed the inside of his thigh. “This shouldn’t be something I’m doing to you, but
something I’m doing with you.”

“What?”

“What do you want, Levi?”

The blue gaze was so intense that Levi had to fight the urge to look away. “I’m curious. Try it.”

Erwin nodded. He stood and held out his hand. “You’ll be more comfortable on the bed.”

Following his lead, Levi pulled off his boots and lay back on the bed. Erwin retrieved the bottle of
lubricant from the drawer, then knelt between his legs and tugged the pants and harnesses off his
legs.

“You won’t be able to see me if you blow me like that,” Levi said, self-conscious. “Not easily.”

“I can lift my head if I need to. I’ll be fine. Are you still okay to continue like this?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin kissed along the inside of his thigh, then bent forward to take him into his mouth.

Levi stared up at the ceiling, feeling as if he were about to submit to an unfamiliar medical
examination. Would it feel as unimpressive as the exploration he had done during his bath? Would
it feel so amazing that he’d regret waiting this long to try it? His fingers clawed into the blanket. He
was so on edge that even Erwin’s mouth around him began to feel peculiar, as if his body were
breaking down the pleasure into its components instead of experiencing it as a whole. When he felt
the first stroke of Erwin’s finger, he jumped. The finger eased off.

“No, it’s okay,” Levi said. “Keep going.” I didn’t go to all this trouble to try for half a second.

Erwin’s touch was feather-light, moving in slow circles. He must have been distracted, because his
mouth stilled, as if he had forgotten about it. Levi gave a little thrust, and Erwin hummed, then
began to use his mouth as well.

After a few minutes, Erwin pulled away to look up at him. “How does that feel?”

Levi shrugged, uncertain. It wasn’t as shockingly pleasant as it had been in the bathtub yesterday.
“Go in a bit.”

The lubricant seemed to help with the raw chafing feeling Levi had felt during his own
explorations, but Erwin’s finger was substantially thicker than his, so the stretch was tighter. His
breath caught, and he remembered the advice he had given to lovers before: bear down. Take deep
breaths. Slowly, his body began to relax.

“How does it feel?” Erwin asked, his voice quiet.

Levi couldn’t decide. “Go deeper.”

He felt fuller now, and a bit of that stretch again, but still no pleasure. He could feel Erwin’s eyes
on him.

“Maybe I’m just not very sensitive,” Levi said. The sensation was so unimpressive that he was
going soft, even with the attention of Erwin’s mouth. “It just feels like I’m taking a backwards
shit.”

A grimace flickered across Erwin’s face before it settled into neutral. “There’s still a little distance
to go before I reach your prostate.”

“Really? It feels like you’re all the way in already.” Levi felt himself begin to tighten, and he
focused on relaxing again. “Keep going.”

“Are you sure?”

“I didn’t come this far to back out halfway.”

“Okay,” Erwin said. “Just let me take a moment to focus on this first.” Using his mouth and free
hand he tried to coax Levi back to life. At first, it seemed his efforts would be in vain—Levi was so
distracted that his body wasn’t responding the way it should—but the swirling tongue was
persistent. He also used an unexpected technique in his grip, a little twist and squeeze at the top of
each stroke that made Levi’s head sink back to the pillow, his eyes rolling toward the back of his
head. I need to give that a try sometime.

“ Now, let’s see,” Erwin said a few minutes later, and his finger pushed deeper. This time, Levi
was so relaxed that there was almost no resistance.

“Fuck,” Levi said, lifting his head. Now he was starting to get that strange half-tickle, half-glow he
had felt the day before in the bathtub.

Erwin dragged his tongue along the shaft. “Still okay?”

“Deeper.”

Heat spiked through the pit of Levi’s stomach and the inside of his cock. He grunted, and his
abdomen seized involuntarily. “What the hell?”

Erwin began to use his hand and mouth in unison again. Levi felt his spine arch.

“Oh fuck, what—” He let out a cry. The sensation inside him was strange, and he still couldn’t
decide if he liked it; it was that same urge to urinate from before, but mixed with a powerful glow.
Pressure was building, and building, and he writhed and heard himself cry out again. “Erwin, what
the hell!”

“Do you want me to—”

“Don’t stop!” He groaned as he felt the warm mouth again, external pressure that matched the
pressure mounting inside him. “What the— Oh fuck!” There was no warning. His muscles
contracted in waves, he felt himself empty, and that was it.

He stared blankly at Erwin, more bewildered than satisfied. Erwin released him and delivered a
soft kiss to the tip.

“What the hell just happened?” Levi asked, panting. Sweat trailed down his temple.

Blue eyes fixed on him, as if waiting for his assessment.

“That was weird as hell,” Levi said, too disoriented to phrase it more politely.

Erwin’s mouth set in a straight line. He gently withdrew his finger, then moved to the dresser,
pulling out a clean handkerchief.

Levi fell back to the pillow and draped an arm across his forehead. “It wasn’t bad . Just weird.”

After a long silence, he rolled his head along the pillow to look at Erwin; he was fussing with the
handkerchief, not looking up.

Levi raised a brow. “You’re disappointed.”

“A bit.” Erwin sat on the edge of the bed, facing away. “I know it’s unrealistic to expect you to
immediately love something you’ve been nervous about for so many years, but … ” He trailed off.

“You wanted to blow my mind, right?” Levi said, sitting up. “Show me what I’d been missing,
make me beg for it next time?” Even though he usually liked a bit of space after orgasm, he kissed
Erwin’s shoulder.

“It feels like a missed opportunity.”

“Look, Erwin.” Levi kissed along the ridge of his shoulder, toward his neck, and spoke between
kisses. “You can’t put that kind of pressure on me.” He nuzzled an earlobe. “It was over so fast I
can’t tell if I liked it or not. I didn’t dislike it, I just don’t know. We’ll try again sometime.” There
had certainly been a spark there he was curious to explore.

A pause. “Very well.”

Levi inhaled the scent behind his ear, getting a strong whiff of cologne, and his groin stirred.
“Besides, I came so fast that I’ll be good to go again in a second, so stop sulking. I want to take you
over the dresser.”

Erwin barely turned his head, one eye fixing on him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about your ass.” Levi brought a hand to his jaw. He was surprised to
feel sharp stubble; it was so blond that it was barely visible. You beautiful bastard, with your
golden hair.

“ I see.”

“Maybe wash your hands first.”

“Of course.” Erwin kissed the tip of his nose, then retreated to the bathroom.

Levi stood and found the handkerchief, experimentally wiping himself. The cloth came back clean.
How about that? All those years of worry for nothing. He moved over to the dresser, rocking it to
test its strength. It seemed sturdy enough to hold the weight of a ninety kilo man getting fucked.
The mirror knocked against the wall a bit, but it should hold.

Erwin returned and crossed the room in four large strides, catching Levi’s jaw and forcing him
against the wall with his kiss. Levi’s breath escaped through his nose in a moan. A hard lump dug
into his thigh; he pushed back on Erwin’s chest, just enough to break the kiss, and looked down.
Erwin was half-squatting and leaning into him to bring them to eye level, his limbs shaking from
the strain of the awkward position.

“Is this bulge your dick?” Levi asked, rubbing against it with his thigh.

Erwin looked down at him, lids heavy. “Yes.” He bent forward for another kiss, but Levi stopped
him.

“Is that from what we just did?”

“Yes.”

“You’re still this hard from it?”

“Do you know what it does to me to be inside you, Levi? To feel you clenching around me, to see
you placing your trust in me above your own discomfort?” Erwin bent to kiss his neck. His teeth
pinched the skin. “I’m sorry. This is probably just laying on more pressure, isn’t it?”

Levi stared straight ahead, his eyes slowly widening. That’s why he’s so disappointed—it meant
this much to him, and I dismissed it as “weird.” He remembered Erwin’s words: This shouldn’t be
some- thing I’m doing to you, but something I’m doing with you. He had been too focussed to
notice how Erwin was reacting. Looking back with the knowledge that Erwin was getting this
turned on, the whole experience seemed hotter.

He turned to kiss Erwin’s ear. “I get it now. It’s not just about control, is it? You really do want to
make me feel good. You’re so fucking giving, you noble bastard.”

“Don’t give me too much credit. It might be a bit about control, too,” Erwin admitted, running his
hands down Levi’s chest.

Levi released a soft puff of air, the closest he ever came to chuckling. He ran his tongue along the
cartilage, then bit the lobe. “It’s my turn. Bend over the dresser. Make sure you can see me in the
mirror.”

Erwin grazed his lips against Levi’s, then pulled away. He settled in place in front of the dresser,
planting his forearms firmly on top of it, his hips jutting out behind him. Levi let out a low groan.
He grabbed the lubricant, then stepped into place behind him, his hands smoothing the clothed
rear. He grabbed Erwin’s hips and gave an experimental thrust against him; he felt Erwin subtly
lower his hips so they aligned better.

Levi glanced up at the mirror, making eye contact. Erwin’s face was even, and Levi felt a surge of
rebellion. I want to make him flushed and sweaty. I want him panting my name. He flipped the
uniform skirt up and unclipped the lower harnesses, then yanked Erwin’s clothes down to mid-
thigh. He didn’t bother asking if he had cleaned; he knew Erwin would never present himself like
this if he hadn’t. He uncapped the oil.

“You don’t need to use your fingers this time,” Erwin said. “I’m still ready from last night.”

Levi held his gaze, remembering how much guilt he had felt when that third finger had been too
much the night before. “Are you sure?”
The blue eyes were so intense that he almost had to look away. “I want it hard.”

Levi’s groin throbbed. “Okay.” He coated himself in the lubricant, then slowly began to work his
way into him.

The blond head dropped, breaths harsh, and Levi felt a pang of concern.

“Erwin?”

Erwin’s hips pushed back against him. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Keep going.”

Levi worked himself all the way in, and they both gasped. He had already been sensitive that
morning, and the recent orgasm made him even more so; he felt numb and raw and aroused all at
once. His ass tingled, the ghost of Erwin’s finger still leaving its impression inside him. He pulled
most of the way out, then pushed in again. The sensation was so strong that he cried out,
unmoving.

Erwin bucked against him. “Keep going.”

Levi found he had to move hard and fast to overpower the faint numbness. The stimulation was
half pleasure, half irritation, as if he were scratching an itch and aggravating it at the same time.

Erwin’s head tossed back, his gasp audible, and the sound drowned all conscious thought in Levi’s
mind. The slap of skin on skin spurred him instinctively forward, his harsh breaths matching the
same cadence, increasing as the minutes passed. Red fogged the periphery of his vision. He
reached forward to grab Erwin’s hair, yanking his head back; his other hand clasped the back of
the harness, using it to pull him in with each thrust, making that slapping sound as loud as possible.

Their motion pounded Erwin’s word into two breathy beats: “Harder.” His eyes fixed on Levi
through the mirror, wide and wild. “Harder.”

Levi cried out and drove into him, staring down at their union, transfixed by the sight of their
bodies joined and moving together. Aggression was rising in his throat, prickly and hot, and he
wanted to smack the fuzzy, pale skin of Erwin’s cheeks until they turned red—but at the same
time, he wanted to hold Erwin close, kiss him, make gentle love to him. Violence and tenderness
warred within him, and he knew he couldn’t have both at once. He let out a yell of frustration.

“Harder,” Erwin gasped, his voice barely audible above his harsh breaths. His entire face was red,
his hair plastered to his forehead.

This wasn’t enough. Levi wanted to be closer, wanted to be further inside, wanted to reach into him
with his hands and tongue and every part of his body. He wanted Erwin to do the same to him—the
thought surprised him, but it was so hot that he let his mind run with it—the two of them twisting
together, bodies linking in every way they could, merging into each other.

“Levi!” Erwin’s teeth were bared, his jaw clenched. His frustration was so obvious that Levi didn’t
even need to ask what he wanted. He released the blond hair and reached around Erwin’s waist
instead, grabbing him between the legs, squeezing harder than he should have.

“Fuck my hand,” he ordered, and he felt Erwin rock back against his hips, then forward into his
hand, his movements unchecked. Levi’s eyes closed and he heard himself sob. He wanted to be
kneeling in front of him at the same time, feeling him drive into his mouth. He needed to be closer,
closer … He leaned into him; the dresser creaked.

Erwin’s hand closed over his, helping his fist move, curses slipping from his lips. He’s lost control,
thought Levi. We’ve both lost control. The thought terrified him so much that it almost snapped
him out of the moment, but no, he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop, not when they were both so
close.

“Erwin!” he heard himself yell, and he heard a wail, but he couldn’t tell whose it was. He came so
forcefully that stars sparked in his vision and his legs gave out. He clung to Erwin’s waist, barely
holding himself upright.

Erwin took over, thrusting back against him, jerking their joined hands with surprising violence.
“Oh fuck,” he gasped.

“Come on, Erwin,” Levi gasped, struggling to find his breath and his footing.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck—” Erwin hollered and tightened around him with so much force that
Levi grunted, and then his legs must have given out, too, because they fell to the floor.

Levi clumsily crawled onto Erwin’s chest to watch him, still breathing hard. He stared at that
flushed, sweaty face, still feeling that spark of irritation, that itch: I want to be closer. That wasn’t
enough. I need to be closer. He reached out a shaking hand and grabbed Erwin’s neck, his thumb
tracing the thick trachea.

The blue eyes parted a crack, fixing on him. “Levi?”

Levi tried to speak, but his throat was tight. Hot liquid streaked down his cheek, but no, that
couldn’t be a tear; he wasn’t a sentimental man. None of this was him, this vulnerability, this desire
to merge, this loss of control.

“Levi,” Erwin said softly. He tucked a strand of hair behind Levi’s ear. “It’s okay.”

The words dropped out from under Levi, and he felt as if he were falling backwards, falling, falling
… His head dropped, a tear dripping off the end of his nose.

“Levi?”

“Fuck, I don’t know why—” A third tear dropped, and he wiped his cheek. “Dammit!”

“It’s okay.” Erwin’s voice was soft and low. A hand slid across his hair, slow and gentle. “Come
here.” The hand drew him closer, and Levi felt his ear press to Erwin’s chest, the fabric of his shirt
glowing with heat. Beneath it, he could hear a heartbeat, loud and strong.

Erwin smoothed the back of Levi’s hair, breathing in the lemon scent. His limbs were tingling, his
ass throbbing, and he still felt the occasional jolt of electricity in his groin. He understood Levi’s
stray tears; his throat was tight, too, and he felt as if his heart were swelling. Even though
drowsiness was descending on him, he refused to fall asleep. Not this time.

After a few minutes, he saw Levi’s eyelids part.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin tucked a strand of dark hair behind his ear.

A pause. “Overwhelmed.”

Erwin slid his fingers along the back of his head, feeling the velvety texture of shaved hair.
“Understandable. That was intense.”
Levi shifted to look up at him, cheek still pressed to Erwin’s chest. “I’m surprised you’re still
awake.”

“I could tell you needed me to be present.”

“Hm.” Levi’s brow furrowed, and his gaze fixed above Erwin’s head. At first, it seemed he was
preparing for a deep statement or confession, but he only said, “Your jizz is dripping down the
dresser.”

“Well, it had to go somewhere,” Erwin said. He eased himself out from under Levi and sat up.
“Sahlo will be in his office shortly.”

They cleaned up in silence, reassembling their uniforms and getting the room back in order. When
they were ready to leave, they stood a few paces apart, watching each other.

Levi swallowed hard, his hands balling into fists. “You do weird things to my head, Erwin. You
make me feel things I don’t understand yet. It’s confusing as hell.”

“Confusing in a bad way?” Erwin asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“No.” Levi shrugged. “It’s just weird. I’ve never cried after sex before.”

“I wouldn’t call that crying. It was only a couple tears.’”

“Well, it was still embarrassing.”

“I considered it a great compliment,” Erwin said with a gentle smile. “I know how strong you are,
Levi. I know how well you hide your emotions. To see you so vulnerable … That’s the biggest
compliment anyone has ever given me.”

“Stop with the sentimental bullshit,” Levi muttered, but his face softened.

Erwin closed the distance and bent down to kiss him. Levi looped his arms around his neck,
holding the kiss for a few beats longer, then finally released him.

“Shall we pay Sahlo a visit?” Erwin asked.

“Sure. I need to rough someone up to feel like myself again.”

Together, they wrapped the King’s lockbox in a towel and carried it downstairs. Erwin hailed a
cab. He watched Levi carefully, aware now that carriages made him uncomfortable. The mid-travel
nightmare seemed so long ago now—and so did that first sensation of Levi’s mouth. He smiled, his
cheeks warming.

“What are you smirking about?” Levi asked.

“Just remembering how beautiful you looked with your mouth around me the last time we rode in a
carriage together.”

“You insatiable bastard, how can you even think about sex right now? If you aren’t as bruised as I
am, then I clearly didn’t do something right.” Levi shifted in his seat and stared fixedly out the
window. “You know, that was my first time swallowing.”

Erwin studied him. “Really?”

“The idea always grossed me the hell out.” Levi’s eyes shifted to him, the rest of his body
unmoving. “I don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel this way, like I want to try
everything I never did before.”

Though the words gave Erwin the urge to kiss him, this carriage didn’t have curtains in the
window, so he settled on a warm smile. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. I want to do everything to you. With you.” Levi winced and adjusted his pants. “Oh, for
fuck’s sakes.”

Erwin’s pants were getting tight, too, and he was supposed to be the one who needed several hours
to recover. “Our chemistry is getting overwhelming.”

“No shit. How the hell am I supposed to spend time around you back at the base without anyone
noticing I’m pitching a tent?”

“Things will settle down a bit once we’re out of this initial burst. It’s all still new, and we’re both
coming out of lengthy dry spells. Our libidos will dull as time passes.”

“Part of me hopes you’re right,” Levi said. “The other part is enjoying this too much.”

Erwin smiled.

The carriage stopped, and the driver hurried to open their door.

“Shall we?” Erwin asked, and Levi shrugged.

“Lead on.”

As they lifted the towel-wrapped lockbox and stepped out of the carriage, Erwin drew himself tall,
his face settling into neutral. The next few minutes would determine the future of the Survey
Corps. If he played his cards well, he would secure their expeditions for the next year or two.

The guards nodded and let them pass, none of them showing any interest in their cargo. Erwin filed
away the information for future reference: I could walk in here with explosive devices or weapons,
and no one would bat an eye. He stopped at the front desk, where a concierge was scrutinizing a
list.

“Excuse me,” he said. “I have an appointment with Lord Sahlo, but I’m afraid I don’t know where
his office is.”

“Lord Sahlo doesn’t have any appointments today,” the concierge said without looking up.

“I’m afraid we were both rather inebriated last night when I set it up. If I could just have a few
minutes of his time, I’m sure he would remember. It won’t take long.”

She finally looked up, and her eyes widened. “Oh, Commander Erwin! Welcome to your first
official day in your role. Normally, all appointments have to go through Administration—Lord
Sahlo should have directed you to one of my associates.”

“Ah, my apologies.” He smiled. “I’m afraid I’m still learning all the proper procedures.”

“Of course, of course. Just remember for next time. Lord Sahlo is on the second floor, third door
on your left. I can escort you there, if you like.”

“No, we’ll be fine.” He gave her a warm smile. “Thank you.”

They lugged the lockbox up the curving staircase, then approached Sahlo’s office.

“Ready?” Erwin asked quietly.

“Sure.”

They stepped into the doorway.

Sahlo sat at his desk, his black suit much tamer than his garish get-up the night before. A glass of
amber liquid sat atop his desk near his left hand, the right holding a quill pen. He looked up, his
brows rising almost to the rim of his hat.

“Commander Erwin? To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Erwin nodded at Levi, who closed the door. They approached the desk and lowered the lockbox
onto it.

“We neglected to send this in our shipment,” Erwin said as he removed the towel.

Sahlo stared at it. “I don’t understand,” he said, but a muscle above his lip began to quiver.

Erwin’s pulse rose. Let the game begin. He sat in a chair opposite Sahlo, casually folding his hands
in his lap. “When we recovered the King’s tax money from the old military silo, our directions
were to ship it all to your shipping and receiving company, but the new recruits neglected to
include this box. Since I was coming to the Capital anyway, I figured I’d deliver it in person and
take a moment to get acquainted with you.”

The Lord squinted at him. “I don’t have the foggiest idea what you’re talking about, Commander.”

“Your shipping and receiving company,” Erwin said. “HDB Shipping. I was surprised when we
traced the company back to you rather than the King, seeing as this tax money is rightfully his.”

“What the hell are you driving at?” growled Sahlo.

“There’s no need for that tone. I’m here in your best interests.” Erwin leaned forward. “I could
have gone directly to the King’s accountants to return this, but I had a suspicion that would only
make them aware of a larger sum they never received. I am correct in assuming they don’t know
we successfully retrieved any of this money, aren’t I?”

Sahlo’s eyes flashed. “Are you accusing me of using His Majesty’s military resources to steal his
money?”

Erwin lifted his chin, staring down his nose at him. “Yes.”

For a moment, their gaze held. In his periphery, he could see Levi sitting bolt upright, muscles
coiled and ready to spring.

“You’re full of bullshit,” Sahlo said. “I don’t know what lies you’re trying to weave, but they’re all
bullshit.”

“I see. Then I apologize for wasting your time.” Erwin stood. “We’ll return this lockbox to the
King’s accountants directly.” He reached out a hand to grab the box.

Sahlo’s hand slammed onto the box, his jaw clenched. “Say, for one minute, that you’re correct.
What’s to stop me from taking possession of this box right now, and having the guards haul you
away for attempted blackmail?”
Erwin smiled. “If you check the shipping manifest, you’ll notice not one, but two boxes
unaccounted for. The other one is in a location only I know, set to ship out to the Commander-in-
Chief in a few day’s time with explicit notes about its origins and your involvement—unless I
personally cancel the shipment. I brought this one to you as an act of goodwill.”

“Goodwill!” spat the Lord. “Lobov warned me about you, you snake. If you try to take me down, I
swear you’ll go down first, so hard that—”

There was a blur to Erwin’s right, and then Sahlo’s hat was pinned to the wall. The hilt of Levi’s
knife jutted from it, still quivering.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” Levi growled, advancing on him. Sahlo stared up at him, dumbly
patting his bare head as if just noticing the hat was missing.

“Levi,” Erwin barked convincingly.

“You’re wasting your time, Erwin.” Levi pulled the knife out of the wall, letting the hat fall to the
ground. He stomped it flat. “The only message rich assholes like him understand is pain.” He
grabbed Sahlo’s greying hair and jerked his head back. “Isn’t that right?”

Sahlo was breathing hard, his nostrils flaring, the whites of his eyes showing all the way around his
irises. “Call off your dog, Erwin,” he said, his voice rising in pitch.

“Levi, sit down.”

“Look at his eyes,” Levi said. “Not a drop of decency, just cowardice. You can’t reason with this
asshole. He’s going to stab you in the back if we don’t send him a message now.”

Erwin rose. “Sit. Down. That’s an order.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, but he roughly released Sahlo and returned to their side of the desk, flopping
into his seat.

The Lord’s face was red and slick with sweat, his eyes continually darting toward Levi. “What do
you want?”

“The Survey Corps has a constant need for supplies and funding, two things the old military silos
can provide.” Erwin leaned forward. “You’re going to give me the full itemized list of silos. In
exchange for your generous aid, I’m willing to doctor the numbers on our reports, delivering only
half the tax gold back to the King, while secretly delivering the other half to your shipping and
receiving company. As thanks for our kindness and for not exposing your blatant theft, you’ll
freely donate the equivalent of eighty percent of that money to Survey Corps research and weapons
development. As well, you’ll be pledging full support for all our expedition requests for the next
two years.”

“Eighty percent!” Sahlo protested.

“Consider it carefully. That works out to ten percent of every haul straight to your pocket. No trail,
no strings.” Erwin’s voice dropped, his tone deep and solemn. “The alternative is zero percent, and
a thorough investigation into your shipping and receiving company and your business dealings. I
wonder what other untoward behaviour they’d find if they started digging?”

Sahlo’s eyes narrowed. “You’re playing a dangerous game, boy.”

“Humanity is nearing extinction. I don’t have time to play it safe.” Erwin stood. “I’ll expect the
full list of silos and their contents on my desk by the end of the week. Our next expedition proposal
will reach you shortly thereafter, and I look forward to your full support.” He turned to Levi and
cocked his head. The two began to walk toward the exit.

“Erwin,” Sahlo growled.

He turned to see the Lord glaring at him, lips flared. “Yes?”

“I’m not Lobov. I’m not some dumb rube you can play like a fiddle. I have contacts, a network that
goes far deeper than you can imagine. You have just made a very powerful enemy, and I promise
you: one day, this is going to come back to you a hundred times worse.”

“Just try and touch him, pig,” Levi snarled, starting forward, but Erwin caught his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Levi. Once Lord Sahlo has had some time to think this over, he’ll realize our alliance
will benefit us both.” He bobbed his head at the lord. “Thank you for your time.”

He let the door close softly behind him, and he heard a loud curse from the other side.

Adrenaline coursing through his veins, he began to walk down the hallway, Levi keeping pace
beside him. Erwin glanced sideways and gave him the tiniest hint of a smile, and Levi shook his
head.

“You slick bastard.”

Once they were on the street, Erwin took a deep breath, his muscles uncoiling.

“When did you find out he owned that shipping and receiving company?” Levi asked.

“I didn’t. It was an educated guess. He took great care to hide himself through Nile, and the orders
were to send all reports with the shipment. He was probably hoping to take advantage of Anke’s
inexperience, slip this one past her before she learned proper procedure.” Erwin gripped Levi’s
shoulder. “Thank you for your intimidation. That will encourage him to think twice before he
comes after me.”

“You think he will?”

“Eventually. First, he’ll pressure Nile to plant a spy in our ranks, so Nile will take advantage of that
third transfer spot we left open. When that doesn’t yield any useful information, he’ll either give up
and accept his ten percent kickback, or he’ll start digging harder for a way to manipulate me. By
that point, I plan to have more dirt on him, ready to deploy as needed.” He smiled. “But in the
meantime, we’ve secured new funding, access to extra supplies, and two years of support for our
expeditions.”

“Not bad,” Levi said.

“Not bad at all. May I buy you an early dinner to celebrate? We can wander around town for a few
hours, then find a place to settle and eat.” He was going to suggest drinks, but his stomach was still
queasy from the night before.

“Sure.” Levi glanced at him. “One last thing. That second lockbox you’re keeping hidden—”

“I’m not. I changed the numbers on the reports to make it look as if we found an extra one that
doesn’t exist. As I’m sure you have learned by now, it’s easier to keep key evidence out of your
opponent’s reach if said evidence doesn’t actually exist.”
Levi raised a brow. “I’m glad you’re on my side.”

“Likewise,” Erwin said, remembering the inhuman speed of his knife.

They stayed at the restaurant into the night, talking about nothing, comparing memories of the
Capital, discussing the future of humanity. Erwin had always thought of Levi as a man of few
words, but the more they interacted, the more he realized Levi was eloquent and thoughtful. He
made a good conversation partner. I would have learned this earlier if I had taken the time to join
him and Mike for drinks, all those times they asked me. He made a note to be more social once
they returned.

They also spoke in hushed tones about how their relationship would proceed once they returned to
the base.

“Two nights with no contact once we return,” Erwin said. “At least. Gives us time to heal, and
keeps suspicion low.”

“Heal?” Levi said, his foot finding Erwin’s under the table. “Have I been too rough on you?”

“I’d say you were exactly rough enough.”

“Well, I’ll be as gentle as you need tonight.”

Their eyes held.

“Back to the room?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah.”

The instant the hotel room door closed behind them, they fell against each other, kissing.

They made slow love, taking their time, arching against each other, breathing each other in. Part of
it was necessity, both of them bruised and sore, but part of it was an unspoken need for a deep
connection, an expression of the words they were both thinking, the words neither was ready to
say. Erwin finished first; Levi’s palms pressed to either side of his face, hanging on just long
enough to watch him through it, before he, too, went under.

They lay together, flushed and sweaty, and Levi began to pull away to clean up, but Erwin caught
his arm.

“Lie with me. Just for a few minutes.”

Levi’s nose wrinkled as he sank back down to the bed. “You’re just going to fall asleep and
everything’s going to dry and get gummy.”

“Please,” Erwin said quietly. “I still want to feel close to you.”

He saw Levi’s throat bob. “Okay.” He lay down and curled up next to Erwin.

Haze was descending on Erwin, warm and comfortable, and his eyelids were heavy, drooping,
drooping—
 This again?

The cloak tightened around Erwin’s neck, and he jerked backwards off the horse, hoisted into the
air. Even though he recognized the nightmare, even though he had been through it hundreds of
times before, dread still gnawed at his veins like acid. He twisted, trying to free himself from the
attacking titan. Maybe if I can free myself in time, I’ll wake up, and I won’t have to watch him die
again.

He heard the howl of fury below him, saw Henrik—no, he had morphed into Levi—saw Levi draw
his blades and launch at the titan that held him captive. The blades hit bone above Erwin, and he
dropped to the ground and rolled.

Above him, Levi reached out from the beast’s mouth, head pinched between the massive teeth.
“Erwin!”

But this time, the beast wasn’t a titan; it was Lord Sahlo, titan-sized, but still human. His teeth
closed, and Levi’s blood drenched Erwin as thickly as if it had sprayed from a faucet.

No!

“You fucking monster!” Erwin drew his blades to advance, but he was frozen, rooted to the
ground. Sahlo loomed over him, face twisting into a malicious smile.

“You play a dangerous game, boy. You gamble wildly without considering how it will affect those
around you. You think the titans will devour everything you love, but you’re wrong.”

His face morphed into Erwin’s. “You will.”

Erwin’s eyes snapped open.

The candle was low, the room so dimly lit and warm that his panic felt out of place. Levi had
burrowed into his chest, his snores softly fluttering against Erwin’s skin.

“Levi,” he whispered, burying his nose in the dark hair. He closed his eyes and breathed, “I love
you.”

The words had slipped out by accident, but he was disappointed all the same when Levi continued
snoring. One of these days, I’ll be brave enough to say it to him when he’s awake.

His heart still pounded from the dream. It infuriated him that Sahlo held any sway over his
subconscious. When he was awake, Erwin knew he had handled the negotiations flawlessly. Sahlo
wouldn’t dare touch him, at least not straight away.

It’s airtight, he thought, but the imagery of Sahlo devouring Levi was still fresh in his mind.

Well, he’d just have to make sure Sahlo never found out how much Levi meant to him. He kissed
the sleeping man’s forehead. His one weakness. He knew he was foolish, embracing this hole in his
armour. I must be certain to cover it at all times.

Now that he was awake, he was becoming aware that his body was sticky with sweat and fluids.
Grimacing, he reached for the handkerchief, moving slowly so he didn’t wake up Levi. It was too
late to wipe up properly; the sheets were damp beneath him. He frowned. Levi deserved a cleaner
sleeping space.
He eased out from under Levi. To his surprise, Levi didn’t awaken. Perhaps all their physical
activities had taken a toll on him. Erwin slid his arms under the sleeping man’s body. He was
heavier than he looked, but still small and slim. Erwin cradled him to his chest, feeling a strong
urge to protect him.

Marie’s words floated into his mind: Be careful with this one. He’s more fragile than he pretends.

Erwin set his jaw. He must not hurt Levi. No matter what happened with Sahlo, or the titans, or
anything else, Erwin must not be the one to devour him. Humanity needed their hero.

He set him on the bed in the other room, pulling the covers over him. Levi stirred, then settled
again, breaths still even.

Once Erwin had put out the candles and taken a minute to clean himself up, he climbed into bed,
spooning behind Levi.

“Erwin?” Levi asked, his voice groggy. “The hell?”

Erwin kissed the back of his neck. “It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

Levi snuggled back against him, giving a contented hum, and Erwin felt his heart swell. It was
startling how quickly his feelings for Levi had blossomed. It was startling how quickly his goals
were shifting and bending, making space to fit Levi into every single one of them.

“A few days ago, you asked what I wanted after the war was won,” he whispered. “This, Levi. All I
want is this.”

There was no reply; Levi’s breaths were even. Erwin closed his eyes, arm tightening around him.
 Adjustment (Part II)
Chapter Notes

Wow, thank you once again for all your amazing comments. I'm blown away by the
lovely things people have to say about this fic. Thank you so much. *hugs* I'll reply
individually to each of your comments ASAP. <3 <3 <3

Part I was going to be realllly huge compared to parts 2 & 3, so I broke it into 2 parts,
and this will now be a 4-part fic. This part opens immediately after chapter 14, and it's
time for a new arc to start up. It may take a chapter or two to gain momentum, and I
apologize if the pacing feels wonky.

Warning: there are some minor spoilers for A Choice With No Regrets in this chapter,
and a whole lot of headcanons that vaguely allude to events from the SNK manga -
they will probably be proven wrong at some point, though. :P

Previous chapter: Erwin meets with Nile and then with Sahlo to manipulate the hell out
of them. Also, sex.

PART II

ABLAZE

“Wake up,” Erwin said. “We’ve reached Trost.”

Levi sat up so quickly that the stack of paperwork began to slide off his lap. He clamped onto it
before it could fall to the floor. “What the hell? When did I fall asleep?”

“About an hour ago. I suppose the paperwork did get rather tedious.” Erwin stacked his own pile of
papers on the bench beside him, then slipped the stack neatly into his file.

The carriage must have rolled over a rock, because a bump rattled the cabin, and Levi nearly lost
his papers again. He frowned and carefully aligned the edges. “You should have woken me up.
That was the last hour we had before everything went back to normal.”

“You looked so relaxed that I didn’t want to wake you.”

They exchanged a long look.

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly, “this trip was … ” He couldn’t find the word. “I feel like we’ve been
away for years, not a few days.”

“Yeah.” Levi looked down. “How the hell are we going to pretend nothing’s going on between
us?”

“Well, I suppose we handle it by showing half the truth: that we’ve formed a strong bond, and
we’ve become close friends.”

“Close friends?” Levi’s brow furrowed.

The concept seemed obvious to Erwin, and Levi’s surprise made him wonder if he had been
presuming too much. “I’d say we’re forming a strong friendship, wouldn’t you? Last night, we
spent hours talking about nothing, and that wasn't the first time. Besides … ” He braced himself,
fighting against the instinct to duck his eyes. “You already know me better than anyone alive.”

“I do?”

“Of course you do.”

“What about Nile or Marie?”

“Nile thinks he knows me, but his image of me is outdated, and based on several incorrect
assumptions. And Marie … ” Erwin paused. “She knows my emotions, but she never understood
my passion to free humanity. You don’t just understand it; you share it.”

The grey eyes, a little too wide, searched his, and Erwin felt his throat tighten.

“Here.” He sat upright and dropped his arms to either side, inviting him to come closer.

Levi studied him for a moment, then shifted across the cabin to the bench on Erwin’s side. Erwin
closed his hands over the narrow hips and pulled him onto his lap.

“Hey, what—” Levi began, but Erwin cut him off with a kiss. There was only a moment’s
hesitation, then Levi leaned into it, wrapping his arms around him.

When the kiss broke, their foreheads rested together. Erwin’s thumb ran across his bottom lip. “I
suppose friends don’t kiss like that.”

“Mm.” Levi stole another kiss. “Two days?”

“Two days. Until Tuesday night, we are colleagues, friends, and nothing more.” He smoothed the
dark hair, buried his nose in it, breathed in. “I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you. I
should have scheduled an overnight ride home so I could have held you one last time.”

“It’s just a couple nights,” Levi said dismissively, but he buried his face in Erwin’s neck.

His form was small and warm, and Erwin instinctively curled around him.

-15-

Adjustment

Levi stepped out of the carriage and stretched an arm above his head. He wasn’t sure what time it
was, but the sky was already dark, stars just beginning to appear. He took a deep breath. The scent
of Trost was already more familiar than the scent of the Capital. He was returning home.

He glanced over at Erwin, who had defaulted to his Commander armour: guarded smile, neutral
face, rigid stance. He already missed seeing the true Erwin that hid beneath his role. Though,
maybe he looked the same, shifting back into Levi the Squad Leader instead of Levi the friend and
lover.

“I may hold an informal Officer’s gathering tonight,” Erwin said. “I’ll send for you if I do.”

“Okay.” Levi squinted as two silhouettes appeared in the doorway overlooking the courtyard. The
larger silhouette had to be Mike—it was as tall as the door frame—and the other one appeared to be
bouncing. That must be Hange. “Not a moment’s peace.”

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything.” For a moment, the mask dropped, and his eyes were soft again. “We’ll pick up
again in a couple days.”

Levi nodded.

“Welcome back,” Hange yelled, bouncing closer. “We’re here to help with your luggage.”

“Thank you, both. It’ll be much lighter this time around; we unloaded some cargo while we were
away.” Erwin stepped toward the back of the carriage. “Incidentally, Hange, we should take a
moment tomorrow to discuss your ideas for weapons development. I may have secured some
funding.”

Hange’s eyes lit up. “Sir.”

Levi and Mike began to pull the trunk out of the carriage; without the lockbox of gold, it was,
indeed, considerably lighter than before.

“How’s the nose?” Levi asked, noticing his face was still wrapped with bandages.

“Can’t smell a damned thing.” Mike raised a brow. “Looks like you took a blow or two yourself.
Wasn’t Erwin, was it?”

For one stomach-twisting moment, Levi misunderstood what he meant by ‘blow’, but then he
remembered his own wounded nose. “No, I got in a scrap. Long story.” He wasn’t sure how much
of his mission was meant to be common knowledge.

Leaving Hange to help Erwin, the two men began to haul the trunk up the stairs, then lugged it
down the hallway. Their immense height difference made their task so awkward that Mike silently
plucked the trunk out of Levi’s hands and carried it alone. Levi would have protested, but he was
sore from being cramped in a hot carriage all day.

“Have a good time?” Mike asked.

“Not really. And I heard more than I wanted about your trainee days.”

Mike snorted, the sound strangled by his bandages. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, Erwin’s a chatty drunk.” Levi glanced up at him. “Things got a bit personal. Heard he had a
bit of a thing for you, back when you were kids.” Though he said the words casually, his heart
pounded in his chest. It seemed impossible that Erwin’s brain could ever fail him. This would be a
good test of whether or not his childhood memories could possibly be flawed.

“Oh.” Mike shrugged. “I forgot about that. Yeah, he was a naive little thing back then. I had to be
his first rejection. Felt like shit. Hope he’s not still sore about it.”

“No, he’s fine.” Levi let out a silent breath of relief. If Erwin remembered that correctly, he’s
probably remembering everything else correctly as well. I can still trust his mind.

Mike deposited the trunk in Levi’s room. “Want help unpacking?”

Levi thought of the bottle of lubricant, of all the soiled handkerchiefs. “I’ve got it. Thanks.”

“Suit yourself. Drinks later?”

“Sure.”

Then he was alone. He began to pull his belongings out of the trunk, leaving Erwin’s untouched;
he would drop the trunk off in his room later. He was almost finished when he heard a knock at the
door. His pulse rose. Erwin? “ Come in.”

Hange stepped into the room. “So?”

He sighed. “What do you want?”

The door closed, and Hange approached, eyes a little too wide behind the oval lenses. “Did you
dance with him?”

“Of course not.” The memory of dancing on the rooftop under the setting sun was so
overwhelming that he turned away. He fixedly pulled his soap out of the chest, setting it in his
toiletries pail.

The hair on the back of his neck was crawling. He lifted his head, then jumped. Hange’s face was
inches from his.

“Your ears are pink.”

“Your hair is greasy,” he retorted. “Have you bathed at all since we got back from the expedition?”

They stared at each other, then Hange grinned and pulled away. “Welcome back.”

“Uh, thanks.” Levi felt as if he had just been scrutinized and then judged.

“Erwin has invited us all to his office for drinks. Sort of an informal mission debrief.”

“In a minute. I need to unpack.”

“It can wait. Come on.” Hange grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the door.

“Oh shit, put your arm down. You really need a bath.” Levi snatched his hand away. Truthfully,
the scent of body odour didn’t bother him as much as other smells—in some contexts, it was even
pleasant, so long as it wasn’t his own—but he needed an excuse to be annoyed.

They arrived at Erwin’s office to find him seated behind the desk. Berit was perched
uncomfortably on a wooden chair in front of him.
“Mike will join us shortly,” Erwin said as he slid bottles of ale across the desk.

“I’m surprised you can still drink after how hard you hit the bottle in the Capital,” Levi said. “And
how hard it hit back.”

Erwin’s lips flattened. “I’ll be fine, thank you, Levi.”

“Speaking of hitting … ” Berit tapped her nose. “What happened there?”

Levi shrugged. “Got in a scrap.”

“The Commander got drunk, and you got in a scrap? So really, the two of you were just partying
while the rest of us were hard at work back here?” Her arms folded over her chest.

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I just did eight hours of paperwork in a stuffy buggy while your pasty ass
was here playing house—”

“It’s okay, Levi.” Erwin wore his guarded smile, the one he pasted on to put others at ease.
“There’s more to it than that, I assure you, Berit. We’ll discuss everything when Mike gets here.”

“I’m here.” Mike stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, and flopped onto a chair. He
was so enormous that Levi cringed, expecting the chair to break, but it held.

“Good,” Erwin said. “Then let’s get started. We’ll do a formal Officer’s meeting tomorrow, but
our activities in the Capital have cemented our focus, so I wanted to meet with you tonight and give
you a quick overview first.”

As they passed around the ale, Erwin sat tall in his desk, his voice taking on a deep, confident tone
that made shivers ripple down Levi’s spine. He spoke of building relationships with the Military
Police and the Garrison, as well as several key investors.

“Of special note, thanks to some leg work by Levi, we’ve built a strong business relationship with
one of the lords. He has agreed to fund our weapons research with sliding donations based on the
results of our upcoming expeditions. I expect these donations to be large enough that we will be
able to formally start a weapons research division, headed up by Hange.”

Hange’s hands clasped together. “Really?”

“There’s an old storage room next to the dungeon cells downstairs. You can clean that up and use it
as your research base, on one condition.” He leaned forward across the desk to emphasize his
words: “You will not use any materials that could endanger the lives of anyone in this base. If you
wish to build new explosive devices, for example, you must take that research offsite.”

Hange gave a delighted whoop and stood to deliver a thumping salute. “Sir! I’ll make the Corps
proud.”

Levi took a sip of ale, glad Erwin had added the stipulation about dangerous materials. Otherwise,
Hange’s reckless enthusiasm was bound to kill them all.

“I look forward to your results.” Erwin turned to address all of them. “As I mentioned, we’ll be
having a formal meeting tomorrow to kick off our new squad selection. I trust each of you has
given some thought as to what type of squad you want to lead?”

“Research,” Hange said. “And support.”

“Defense,” Berit said.

“Offense.” Mike tapped his bandaged nose. “With some tracking and scouting once this thing
heals.”

All eyes focused on Levi, who shrugged. He hadn’t really thought about it. “Speed and strength.”
He hoped it was a good answer.

Erwin nodded. “You and Mike could form our right and left arms. I believe a combination of
offense and scouting would suit your leadership style well.”

I have a leadership style? Levi idly swirled the ale in his bottle.

“It looks as if we’ll have a wide spread of skills,” Erwin said with a kind smile. “That makes my
job easier, and should make squad selection easier as well. Tomorrow, we’ll discuss your initial
squad selections and begin interviewing the remaining candidates. I expect the interview and squad
assignment process to last until the end of next week.

“During this time, I’ll be putting together a proposal for our next expedition. This will be a large-
scale operation; we’ll be sweeping through the old military silos, gathering supplies, while also
scouting for a permanent base outside Wall Rose. After we’ve recovered everything we can from
the silos, our overall mission will shift to securing that permanent base, while also building caches
of supplies leading to Wall Maria. All of this will culminate in a wall reclamation effort three to
five years in the future.”

There was a long silence. Levi’s skin erupted into goosebumps. We can do this. We can take back
Wall Maria. With this man leading us, we can do anything.

“ Commander,” Hange said. “That silo we found was almost empty. Why would we try to track
down any others?”

“I have secured access to the itemized list of contents for all silos within Wall Maria. We’ll be
prioritizing silos based on what they contain. I promise you, Hange, I will weigh the benefits of
each silo against the risks required to reach it. As an extra precaution, we’ll be performing a small-
scale scouting mission in advance of the expedition, so we know roughly what to expect in terms
of titan traffic.”

“Scouting missions?” Hange’s eyes lit up. “I volunteer my squad. We can use the opportunity to
research—”

“You don’t even know who will be in your squad yet, four-eyes,” Levi said. “And your squad will
be a support squad, anyway. It should be me or Mike.”

Erwin’s eyes locked onto him, and Levi saw a brief flicker of fear before the face returned to
neutral. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves; there’s no need to volunteer just yet. We’ll discuss the
details of the scouting mission once I have the itemized list of contents, and once the squads have
been formed.”

Levi stared at him, mind spinning around that flicker. Is he afraid to put me in danger? Certainly
he had misinterpreted the look. Erwin had only agreed to move forward with a relationship on the
principle that it wouldn’t interfere with their work.

“So,” Erwin said, “Now you know our objectives for the next few years. This may shift as
necessary, of course, but we must always be moving toward the reclamation of Wall Maria. That is
our next major goal.
“That’s everything I wanted to cover tonight, but you’re welcome to stay here and drink for a
while, if you like. My time with Levi in the Capital showed me how little I know about each of
you, except maybe Mike. If we are to proceed forward as a team, we need to become well-
acquainted. I think it will be valuable to spend time drinking and talking together like this on a
regular basis.”

Levi winced, feeling awkward on his behalf. “Did you just formally invite us to casual hang-outs?”

Mike shifted on the chair. “If we’re going to hang out here, you’re going to need to get a couple
couches or something.”

“That’s a good idea,” Erwin said.

“Okay.” Berit leaned forward. “If we’re being all buddy-buddy, can I ask what happened to Levi’s
nose? Because I’m really curious.”

“Yeah, I’d like to know, too,” Hange said.

Levi glanced at Erwin, not sure how much he was supposed to reveal.

Erwin sat tall. “Levi was on a reconnaissance mission somewhere off-bounds to the public. A
member of the Military Police found him and tried to take him down before she realized who he
was.”

“She landed a blow on you?” Mike asked, impressed. “I can barely touch you when we’re sparring,
let alone when you’re fighting for your life.”

Levi shrugged. “She had gear on, and I didn’t. And I was drunk.”

“Her fighting skills were so impressive that we recruited her,” Erwin said. “In fact, three members
of the MP will be joining us within the next year. But enough about that—Berit and Mike, I’m
curious to hear about what we missed while we were gone. How did everything go here? Did the
new recruits behave?”

As Berit spoke, Levi’s eyes drifted back to Erwin. His bottle was nearly full, his spine rigid. Was
he always this stiff and formal? It was so unlike the man he had come to know in the Capital.
Erwin had several conflicting sides: the ruthless strategist, the formal leader, the relaxed
conversational partner, the intense lover. It was going to take time to reconcile all four into one.
And yet, he already found himself loving and admiring each of them for a different reason.

“Levi’s smiling,” Hange interrupted, shocked.

Levi pulled his face into neutral, but not before every eye in the room locked onto him.

Berit squinted. “That wasn’t a smile.”

“Sure it was. Or as close as he gets. You know, both of you have been acting strangely since you
got back. Levi keeps blushing, and Erwin keeps getting this little twinkle in his eye.”

“Hange,” Erwin said. “You’re interrupting your colleague’s update.”

“Hange’s right.” Mike folded his arms over his chest. “You offered to have drinks with us. You
don’t normally socialize without at least five minutes of convincing first.”

Erwin’s throat bobbed. Levi watched him, mouth dry, palms sweating. He could almost see the
wheels turning in Erwin’s head, but they weren’t turning fast enough.

“You got laid,” Mike said. “Both of you. Right?”

“What?” Levi said.

“That’s not—” Erwin began, but Mike interrupted him.

“Brothel visit? Or did you just pull the Commander card and woo a couple women back to the
hotel?”

“This isn’t appropriate.” Irritation darkened Erwin’s expression.

“If my nose wasn’t busted up, I’d figure out the answer in a second.”

“How?” Hange asked.

“Brothels have a very distinct smell of—”

“Shut up,” Levi snapped. “It’s none of your business. Fucking hell.” Hange’s eyes locked on him;
he felt as if his body were slowly being turned inside out. Shit. We’re going to be found out on our
first night back.

Berit drained her bottle, then stood. “Look, this is intriguing, it really is. Mike’s said more in the
past five minutes than he did the entire time you were away, and I’ve never seen Levi make so
many facial expressions. But I barely slept while you two were gone, and I’m exhausted, and I
really don’t want to know anything about my commanding officer’s love life, so if it’s all the same,
I’m going to go pass out.” She saluted. “Excuse me, Commander.”

“Goodnight.” Erwin nodded at her. “And my apologies. I let this conversation get out of control.”
He still looked as if he were struggling to regain his composure, a nervous crease showing beside
one eyebrow.

The door closed behind her.

“You assholes scared her away,” Levi muttered.

Mike shrugged, returning to his ale.

“At least you had a good time in the Capital,” Hange said diplomatically.

“For the most part. The gala itself was enjoyable.” Erwin’s fingers drummed the top of his desk.
“For me, anyway. I’m not sure Levi was thrilled, particularly when I met up with old friends. We
ended up reminiscing for far longer than I should have, and I’m sure the old tales got tiresome.”

“Shit!” Mike leaned forward so quickly that his chair creaked. “Marie was there.”

Levi’s gaze snapped to him. There was an accusatory tone to the words that made his hackles rise.

“Mike—” Erwin began.

“No, it all makes sense now.” Mike cast him a disappointed look. “They’re married, Erwin. With a
kid.”

“You’re getting the wrong idea.”

“Who’s Marie?” Hange asked.

“A woman we knew as trainees.” Mike shook his head. “Nile and Erwin both fell for her, and she
kept dating both of them. It was constant drama.”

“This isn’t something we—” Erwin began, but Mike was still going.

“Then we came out here and she moved to the Capital to settle down with Nile, but every time
Erwin went to the Capital on business, he’d hook up with her all over again.”

“Mike, that’s enough.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. Every time?

“Thought you’d be decent enough to knock it off once they married and had a kid,” Mike said.

Hange took a long sip of ale, eyes darting between the three men.

For several seconds, the only sound was the tapping of Erwin’s fingers on the desk. Then, he
leaned back in his chair, his arms folding over his chest. “Very well; I’ll address your concerns,
Mike, and then we will drop this topic. First of all, you’re exaggerating. Our love triangle, such as
it was, wasn’t nearly as sordid as you make it sound. Marie genuinely loved us both, and no party
of our triangle wanted to hurt any others, so yes, some secrets came up, but they were well-
intentioned. Secondly, no, I did not sleep with her during this visit, nor have I since they wed. And
thirdly, it wasn’t ‘constant drama.’ There was even a period of nearly a year where she and I were
exclusive.”

“You weren’t exclusive.” Mike tapped his nose. “This thing doesn’t lie.”

Erwin’s mouth twisted. “I see.”

Levi almost felt badly for him, but he was still upset about this new version of events. After the
conversation at the gala, he had understood their relationship as one indiscretion, not a chain of
them. To his dismay, he could feel his respect for Erwin beginning to bleed away, drop by drop.
He had a few strong moral codes, and one of them was that infidelity was betrayal, and betrayal
was filth that could never be washed from a relationship.

Maybe he should have let it slide, but he was beginning to fixate on that infidelity; it was
burrowing into him, expanding, and the question spilled over: “I thought you and Marie only slept
together once after she settled down with Nile?”

“This isn’t an appropriate venue for this discussion.” Erwin shifted in his seat. “I’ve humoured the
topic long enough.”

“No, this is important. Were you screwing around behind Henrik’s back? Or was it after he died,
and you were just betraying your best friend instead? Is that what you do to the people who trust
you? Smile politely at them, then go stick your dick in their wives?” And then lie to me about it?
How many half-truths have you told me?

“ Wait, who’s Henrik?” Hange’s gaze was still drifting between the three of them, but the question
went ignored.

Erwin rubbed his temples. “Any poor decisions I made as a young man have no impact on my
ability to command the Survey Corps, so we will not discuss them in this office. You two have
probably convinced Hange I’m some irresponsible, sex-crazed maniac, which couldn’t be further
from the truth.”

Hange took another sip of ale. “It’s okay. This is interesting.”

“No, it’s not okay, and this is bullshit.” Levi drained his bottle, then stood. “I’m going to bed.”

“Levi,” Mike said, “calm down. I was just giving him a hard time.”

“Yeah, well you can fuck right off. All of you.” Levi turned on his heel and marched from the
room.

Too angry to return to his room, he kept walking. He ended up near the stables, and he decided
some self-imposed isolation on the rooftop might be what he needed. He hadn’t had a moment
alone since they had left for the Capital, and he was starting to feel penned in.

He climbed to the stable roof and jumped carelessly across the dangerous gap to the higher perch,
too upset to be cautious. He settled on the tile and let his knees loll in his elbows, fixing his gaze on
the stars.

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he was so angry, and that made him even angrier. This was the
same useless emotion that had gripped him when Erwin, Nile and Marie had been reminiscing
about their past. It wasn’t jealousy. Jealousy would have been easier to dismiss—he knew Erwin’s
past wasn’t a threat to whatever they shared now. No, this was a deep disappointment, an
incongruity between his ideals and reality.

Logically, he knew everyone made relationship mistakes, especially when they were younger.
When he looked back on his own past, he could point to countless examples of immature bullshit.
There was the one relationship where he had tried to control his partner by emotionally
manipulating him, constantly bullying him into staying together. In another relationship, he had
swindled large sums of money from his partner under false pretenses. A lump of shame built in his
throat, so large that he coughed to clear it. He shouldn’t blame Erwin for sanitizing the truth in his
version of events. If Levi had been asked about his past relationships, he might have tried to make
himself sound less despicable, too.

Footfall sounded on the stable roof. He peered down, and was surprised to see not Erwin, but
Hange.

“Leave me alone,” he muttered.

“That’s what people say when they need someone the most.”

“It’s also what people say when they want you to leave them the fuck alone .”

“Now, now, don’t be like that.” Hange jumped across the gap, wobbling on the landing. “Wow!
That was close.”

He was impressed with the strong jump—even Erwin, with his height advantage and powerful
legs, had been unable to land it cleanly—but only said, “If you fall, I’m not cleaning up your
bloody, meaty mess.”

Hange dropped to a seat beside him. “Want to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t want to talk about it. That’s why I told you to leave me the fuck alone.” Levi rested
his chin on his forearms, drawing his legs closer to his body.
“Then I’ll have to guess. You idolize the ground he walks on, so it breaks your heart to hear about
his imperfections, right? Makes you start second-guessing him?”

His muscles tensed. He didn’t reply.

Hange’s legs stretched out beside him. “You’ve got to relax your expectations, Levi. We’ve all
done stupid things because of love. It doesn’t make him any less admirable. He’s a great man.”

“I know that,” he muttered. “While we were at the Capital, I got to see him outpace every noble
and military officer we bumped into. He’s a fucking genius.” Deciding it wasn’t giving away too
much, he added, “We talked a lot while we were there, and I guess he figured out how much I
admire him, because he kept reminding me he’s human and he makes mistakes.”

“But you can’t see him that way, right? Because you dedicated your life to following him, and if
he’s anything less than perfect, then it reflects poorly on you for trusting him?”

Levi glanced over. Hange’s face was subdued, almost kind.

“Maybe,” he said, his defenses dropping.

“Following Commander Erwin is a wise decision,” Hange said solemnly. “Believe me, I know
several geniuses, and Erwin could easily outpace them all. Even brilliant people make the wrong
call sometimes—he did last week with the perimeter layout around the silo—but that doesn’t mean
you shouldn’t trust them. Especially if the mistake was ages ago.”

Levi was quiet. He focused on the moon. It was barely visible, masked by wispy clouds; their
edges glowed, illuminated by its brilliance.

“Look.” Hange leaned closer. “There’s nothing more frustrating than having your professional
skills brought into question because of mistakes you made in your personal life. Don’t do that to
him, okay?”

He studied the bespectacled face. “It sounds like there’s a story behind that.”

“It’ll have to wait for another time.” Hange’s head cocked toward the stable. “Looks like someone
else wants to talk to you.”

He peered over the edge and saw Erwin standing on the stable roof. Even in the dim moonlight,
Levi could tell he was wearing his soft face.

“Shit,” he muttered, because he was beginning to feel like a child coming down from a tantrum.

“It’ll be okay.” Hange’s voice was almost too soft to hear. “You’ll work this out. You two need
each other more than you realize.”

“We what?”

“You complement each other well. And even if you’re too stubborn to get romantically involved,
you could both use a friend. Work past this, okay?”

“Levi,” Erwin said from the lower roof, his voice echoing through the courtyard. “When you have
a moment, I’d like to talk to you.”

Levi sighed and his eyes narrowed at Hange. “If anyone— anyone —hears even a hint of what we
just discussed, I will break your glasses. While you’re still wearing them.”
Hange smiled. “Go talk to him.”

Saying ‘thanks’ was too difficult, so he added, “And go back to being crazy and weird. It’s creepy
when you’re nice.”

He turned, jumped down to the stable roof and rolled the landing, then rose to his feet in front of
Erwin. For a moment, they stared at each other.

“Care to join me for a walk?” Erwin asked.

“Isn’t that going to make people suspicious?”

“I think ignoring you after your outburst would be even more suspicious.”

Levi’s ears burned with shame. They must all think I’m so fucking childish.

They climbed down to the stable, then fell into step side-by-side, strolling along the perimeter of
the base. The city was so quiet that Levi could hear wind whistling through the tree branches. It
was hard to stay angry in such a peaceful setting.

“What’s on your mind?” Erwin asked.

Levi shrugged.

“You can tell me. I won’t judge.”

“Fine. These stories I keep hearing are so different from the man I know and respect, and it’s hard
to figure them out.”

“Well, I’m not the same man I was ten years ago. We all must make mistakes and learn from them
in order to grow.” Erwin rested a hand on his shoulder as they walked. “I’ll keep saying this as
often as you need to hear it: if this relationship is going to work, you have to see me as a man, not
as an ideal. There are going to be parts of my past that bother you, and parts of my present and
future as well.”

“I know. I just wasn’t expecting Mike to say all that shit. It put me on edge.”

“He was out of line, especially now that I’m his commanding officer. I told him as much once you
left, and he’ll be acting more professionally in a group setting from now on.” Erwin glanced at
him. “But there’s more to it than that, isn’t there?”

“Yeah.”

Their wandering footsteps brought them to a pathway that cut through the park behind the base.
Erwin sat on a low bench along the pathway, then cocked his head beside him. Levi slumped to a
seat.

“I’m sorry you had to hear unflattering things about me, Levi. I mentioned that I’m not an easy
person to be with—I meant that. I’m not good with relationships. I get caught up in my work and
push my partner to the side. I withdraw and become cold when I’m under stress. I’m oblivious to
my partner’s needs, especially when my work requires my full attention. And yes, sometimes I
make selfish decisions.

“But I’ve never been unfaithful to my partner. You already knew I left Marie to chase after my
personal goals. What you may not know is that I tried to do the same to Henrik; in fact, we broke
up a good five or six times during the course of our relationship. Sometimes when that happened, I
did run back to Marie. I pretended I didn’t know she was with Nile, but I knew, deep down, and I
betrayed him anyway.” He paused. “I’m no ideal.”

Levi turned to study him. The moonlight barely illuminated his profile, accentuating the slight
hook to his long nose, the sharp tip. He looked strong and beautiful. “Loyalty is important to me.”

“I know. I can tell that by the way you’re so loyal to those close to you, and I feel lucky to count
myself among them. I won’t ever betray that trust. I promise.”

“I know. I don’t feel threatened, just—” The emotions fell into place as he voiced them. “Look,
everything is happening so quickly. Maybe I’m panicking a little after seeing how close they all
came to guessing everything back there. There’s a lot on the line if we’re found out, or if we screw
this up and end up unable to get along, and I know it’s going to be painful sometimes to pretend
there’s nothing going on between us.”

Erwin’s voice softened: “When you consider my flaws, a part of you wonders if I’m worth the risk
and the sacrifices?”

Levi winced. This was too much conflict, too much drama. He pulled away from the conversation
for a moment, focusing on their surroundings instead. A bat fluttered between the trees in front of
them. In the distance, he could hear the clattering of a horse and carriage. The wind ruffled his
cravat, but he was so on edge that the uneven pull on his neck was magnified and irritating.
Everything was. He took in a breath and held it.

A hand closed over his.

Levi glanced down at their joined hands resting on the bench between them. “Someone will see.”

“It’s too dark.” Erwin paused, and uncertainty crept into his voice. “Unless you want me to let go.”

“It’s fine.”

The breeze was chilly, and their joined grip burned in comparison. He’s doing that thing again,
where his hand glows when it touches my skin.

“ Levi.” Erwin’s voice was so soft and deep that Levi swore he could feel it vibrate through his
body. “I’m going to tell you every sordid detail about my past—at least, everything that’s safe to
share. I want to cover every upsetting comment you might ever hear from Mike, Nile, or Marie, so
that you hear it from me first. Most of all, I want you to see all my flaws so you can decide if I’m
worth the risk and the sacrifices, before it’s too late to turn back.”

It’s already too late, Levi thought, staring at their hands, both grey-blue in the dim moonlight.
“Why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve hurt you twice in as many days, and I don’t want that to continue. We’ll deal with it
all now. I need you to understand the man I was, the man I am. If you don’t like what you hear,
then I want you to walk away.”

Levi’s eyes snapped to him, his chest so tight that he couldn’t breathe. Erwin’s face was gentle, but
his jaw was quivering.

“You know I’m not going to walk away, Erwin.”

“Please. Hear me out.”

“Okay.”

Erwin’s chin tilted up, his eyes fixing on the stars. “I’ll begin by addressing the conversation we
were having with Mike. You know Marie was my first mutual love. I fell hard. We dated
informally at first, each of us seeing other people on the side, but as time passed, things grew more
serious—at least, I thought they were. Mike’s revelation tonight has shed new light on that.” A
muscle in his jaw jumped. “Without thinking to ask Marie’s opinion, I automatically assumed she
and I were exclusive. I used to do that sometimes, back in my emotional youth; I would get a
convenient idea in my head, and it would become my reality regardless of whether or not it was
actually true.”

“Is that why Nile’s so convinced you’re delusional?”

“Maybe. He knows the young, idealistic version of me, the one who hadn’t yet fully embraced
logic over emotion. But I’m getting off topic before I’ve even begun.” Erwin’s voice strengthened
again. “After Marie and I parted ways, Henrik came into the picture. He had been trying to win my
heart for a couple years, and … ”

He paused. The length of the pause suggested something unpleasant was about to follow, and Levi
braced himself.

“I took advantage of his feelings for me. During my first year here, a bunch of us were drinking in
town, and I had been kissing a handsome civilian all night, but he left before things could escalate.
I was stumbling drunk and painfully aroused, so I turned to Henrik. He thought I was finally
returning his advances, and I let him believe it. The next day, I rejected him all over again—until a
few months later, when I was yet again drunk and desperate.” His face twisted. “I used him, Levi.
For months. I strung him along so that I’d have someone to fuck if I got lonely.”

“You fell in love eventually,” Levi said, hoping to pardon him.

“Yes, but even when we formally became a couple, we weren’t equals. I loved my career first and
Henrik second, but he saw me as his top priority. He fought tooth and nail to keep me happy, to
pull me closer when I was too caught up in my work. My emotional needs were always met, and
his often went neglected.” Erwin’s eyes drifted up to the sky. “He deserved so much more energy
than I was willing to give, but I was his first relationship, so he didn’t know any better. And then
he threw his life away for me, so he never will.”

“But you loved him, right?” The way Erwin had spoken about Henrik, he had imagined a deep,
healthy relationship.

“I did.” Erwin’s eyes closed, his face still tilted upwards. “That only makes my mistreatment of
him that much worse.”

So that’s why he feels so guilty about his death, after all these years, Levi thought. His grief and
regret weren’t just about the death itself, but about the relationship as a whole. His grip tightened
around Erwin’s hand, and Erwin looked down at it with widening eyes, as if surprised to remember
they were clasped. He tightened his grip, too, and continued.

“When he died, I took it poorly. I was too sick with guilt to eat, and I became delirious. They had to
force-feed me broth in the san. Shadis came to visit me there—it was the first time we talked in
depth. He told me I was too young and talented to throw my life away over a friend’s death, and
he’d take me to the Capital to sit in on a meeting with the Commander-in-Chief if I’d just eat a
bowl of soup on my own. My ambitions proved more powerful than my emotions, and I ate, so he
kept his word.” He shook his head. “And on my first night of leave during that visit to the Capital
—”

“You slept with Marie.”

“In spite of what Mike thinks, that’s the last time anything happened between us.” Erwin glanced at
him. “Then they got married, right before Jasper was born. I was invited to the wedding, but I
didn’t go.” His jaw tightened. “It was a reminder of everything I had sacrificed to join the Survey
Corps. I rarely regret my sacrifices now, but at the time, I resented Nile. So that’s another strike
against my character, I suppose.”

Levi shrugged. “I wouldn’t have gone, either. Especially if you were still in love with her.”

Erwin gave him a small smile, then sat upright. “So now you know the unpleasant history of my
love life, such as it is. There is a smattering—less than a smattering, really—of one-night stands
sprinkled in there, but nothing else of note. I suppose I should tell you about my unpleasant
professional history as well, particularly my shadier methods of gathering information.”

“I already know that you use blackmail,” Levi said. “I don’t really care.”

Erwin studied him for a moment, then said, “You know I have an extensive network of contacts.”

“Seems like it, yeah.”

“I’ve worked hard to build them in person, sometimes at great potential risk to myself. Many of
them are members of the nobles, government and military. Others are … less legitimate.”

That was a surprise. “How much less?”

“I’m not opposed to tapping into gang networks if I have to.” Erwin traced the back of his knuckle.
“That’s how I found out about you.”

Levi’s eyes snapped to him. “What?”

“One of my contacts mentioned you during idle conversation: the strongest man he had ever met,
who flew around on the 3DMG like a soldier. My curiosity was piqued. One day, when I was
doing a routine trip to the Underground to meet with one of my contacts, I happened to see you, and
I was impressed. The next day, I put in a proposal to capture and recruit you.”

“Wait.” Levi couldn’t figure out why Erwin was recounting the old familiar events as if they were
a character flaw. “Was this before or after you knew Lobov was going to hire me?”

“I already knew he would, but he had no idea.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t just reacting to Lobov’s moves. I played both sides. I used my contacts to subtly bring
your skills to Lobov’s attention, to plant a seed that you would be the perfect assassin. I had to
make sure you were the one he hired; I couldn’t leave it up to chance, or he might have tried to hire
someone else.” Erwin held his gaze. “And then I intentionally provoked him. Shadis gave me an
opening, and I took it. Lobov was becoming problematic, and I knew pressuring him would make
him consider assassinating me, so he’d turn to you. Two birds with one stone: you would join the
Corps, and I would have the opportunity to track Lobov and take him down.”

“What the fuck?” Levi jerked his hand free. “Are you saying it’s your fault that asshole approached
us in the first place?” His ribcage felt as if it were being squeezed. He had always partly blamed
Lobov for the deaths of his friends—mostly himself, but partly Lobov. Did that mean that blame
lay with Erwin instead?

Erwin studied his own palm, stroking it with his thumb, as if tracing the old wound from their
physical altercation. “Here is yet another of my flaws: I didn’t see you as a person back then. I saw
you as a resource, one that humanity needed in order to win its war.” His eyes lifted. “And in
exchange, you saw me not as a person, but as a target. You wanted me dead. Things have changed
since then, for both of us.”

Even though he had a point, Levi’s hands tightened into fists. “Okay, fine; keep going. What else
do you have to tell me?” He thought back to his discussion with Hange in the tree, to the rumours
of Erwin’s brutality. “I’ve heard you’ve used torture to get information. Maybe even murder.”

“No. The stakes haven’t been that high. Not yet. But you should know I will go to any length for
the sake of humanity. I would give my life, or anyone else’s. I’ll even take lives, if I have to.” His
face was hard, full of resolve, and Levi’s stomach dropped. He has no idea.

“ You don’t want to murder anyone, Erwin. Stick to manipulating humans and slaughtering titans.”

“In some cases, murder may be the only viable option.”

“No, listen. Human deaths are not something you ever recover from.” He shifted, pulling one knee
close to his chest. “It doesn’t matter who they are, or how much you hate them: you’ll never forget
the look on their face right when they realize they’re going to die. Ever. You’ll see every single
face every time you close your eyes.” A shiver ran through his body.

Erwin glanced at him. “We don’t have to follow this line of thought.”

It was too late. Levi was already seeing greying skin, pools of blood, so much blood. Washing the
floor, washing the inside of the carriage, washing that fucking psycho’s clothes, scrubbing blood
out of everything, always, and it never came out easily, it stained everything.

“Sometimes people look terrified.” Levi’s voice dropped in pitch. “They get this look of panic that
spikes right through your stomach, this raw fear that everyone instinctively understands. Others
have a look of hatred. That one’s easiest to move past, because it’s a look of power, so it’s like they
die with dignity. Others are almost peaceful. Accepting. That’s tough to see, because they’re
accepting something you’re about to do, as if they’re better than you, on a more evolved level. But
the worst—” He drew the other knee up to his chest to join the first. “The worst is when a person
gives you the look of despair. A look so strong that you can hear their anguish in your mind: Why?
That’s the look that haunts you, because there’s no good answer, not for most of them” Darkness
was sifting into his vision, his muscles tensing, as expressions of the deceased scrolled through his
memory. So much blood … He scratched the back of his hand, shrinking into himself.

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice was tentative. “How many people have you killed?”

“Does it only count if I’m holding the knife? Or does it count if I’m watching and I don’t do
anything to stop it?”

A pause. “It doesn’t count unless you’re holding the knife. Especially if you were too young to
know how to react.”

“I wasn’t too young,” Levi said. “I knew how to end it, end it all, but it meant I would have had to
hold the knife, and I would have had to see one of those four looks on his face.” He felt as if the
wind were kicking up around them, whistling in his ears. “Was I too scared? Was I afraid of what
he’d do to me if I wasn’t strong enough to finish him? Or was I just lazy? Was it more convenient
to keep doing what we were doing, so I wouldn’t have to separate myself from it and question the
morality of it?”

“Were you mercenaries?” Erwin’s tone was so cautious that Levi’s imagination, already overactive
with the faces of the dead, painted an image of a foot pressing into ice, trying to apply weight to it
without making it crack.

“Mercenaries? Maybe. I don’t know anymore. My memory isn’t very good. Maybe I blocked a lot
of it out. It’s hazy. I don’t know.” His breaths were coming too quickly. The crack was spreading,
deepening …

He felt a strong arm across his back, then Erwin pulled him in, embracing him.

“Someone will see.” Levi’s voice was thin.

“It’s okay. I’d do the same if we were just friends.” Erwin pulled him tightly against his chest.

Why the hell was I panicking about the morality of his sex life? Levi pressed close to his chest,
listening for that strong heartbeat. Why does a monster like me think he has the right to judge?
When he had first joined the Survey Corps, he had dreamed about the moment he would end this
heartbeat; he had stared at the face he now loved, wondering which of those four expressions it
would wear. Fantasizing about it.

Fuck. The imagery in his mind was so vivid that he shrank into the embrace. How could he have
thought these things and delighted in them?

“I’m flawed, Erwin,” he said quietly. “I’m beyond flawed. My past is shit-stained and I’m
uneducated, and rude, and violent, and constantly sour. Maybe you should be the one asking
yourself if I’m worth the sacrifices you’re making.”

“It’s okay. I know you, Levi, and the more of you I uncover, the harder I fall.” Erwin’s chin rested
on top of his head. “I love all of you, the good and the bad.”

Ice water flooded Levi’s veins, shocking him into the present. Love. His body felt as if it were
floating, his mouth parched, his hands clawing into the back of Erwin’s jacket. “What did you
say?”

The pause was a little too long and unnatural.

“I love you, Levi.”

Levi pulled away to look up at him. Erwin held his gaze, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

“Why?” was the only word Levi could find.

“Because of everything you just said. You’re brave and driven, in spite of all you’ve endured. Your
street smarts and sharp wit more than make up for any education you think you lack. Your
rudeness is amusing, and maybe even a little arousing. Your physical strength and violence make
you potent in the field, and your happiness shows in subtle ways I’m learning to read. On top of
that, you’re kinder than you pretend, and you genuinely care about everyone around you.” A shy
smile wobbled across his lips. “And you already know how I feel about your looks and your skills
in the bedroom. I’ve fallen harder than I ever meant to, harder than I ever have before.”

Levi could only stare. In his mind, the last lingering power imbalance between the two of them
began to dissipate. He loves me. He knows what I am, and he loves me anyway. He stared at that
wobbling smile, seeing not humanity’s hope, not his Commander, but a man, a man who was
somehow socially awkward in spite of his brilliant diplomacy; a man who was sometimes a little
too self-involved, a little too obsessive; a man who acted with decorum and restraint, but rutted like
a dog in heat whenever he was horny; a man who blurted out morbid thoughts at inappropriate
times, who fell asleep after sex, who sometimes used cologne to stretch his baths a day longer than
he should, who couldn’t handle his drink nearly as well as he thought. The more Levi thought
about it, the more he understood what Erwin had been trying to say. I already know your flaws,
Erwin, even better than you do, and I adore them.

His silence must have sent the wrong message, because Erwin’s gaze dropped.

“I apologize. I shouldn’t have said the words so soon, especially when you were upset.”

“It’s fine.” Levi tried to swallow, but his mouth was still too dry. “I’m just trying to wrap my head
around what we are now.” Say it back, his mind screamed at him, but the moment had passed, and
now it felt forced.

“It’s all going to be a bit of an adjustment,” Erwin said. “Our relationship has changed so
dramatically since we first met, especially over the last week. Take some time to decide if this is
what you want.”

“What?” Levi’s lip curled. “Of course it’s what I want, dumbass.”

Erwin’s eyes searched his. “Even after everything I told you?”

“It’s like you said: I know you, flaws and all, and—” Now he did have the perfect opportunity to
say it back, but his throat caught.

When he finally dared to look up, Erwin was smiling as if he had heard the unspoken words; he
stood, holding out a hand. “If you’re feeling better, we should probably get back to the base.”

“Yeah.” Levi accepted his hand and rose to his feet. He glanced around and, seeing no one in sight,
climbed onto the bench. It was low enough that he was only a few centimeters taller than Erwin.

Erwin looked quizzically up at him.

“No one’s around, and we just had our first fight.” Levi gripped the back of his neck and pulled
him in, pressing a kiss to his lips. Erwin hummed and stepped closer, their bodies flush. When the
kiss ended, their gaze held.

“I wouldn’t really call this a fight,” Erwin said. “And if it was, it was technically at least our
second.”

“I can’t wait until we’re past all this early relationship bullshit. When we have a routine and there’s
none of this insecurity or second-guessing or anything.”

“It’ll come, in time.” Erwin snuggled against his neck, arms wrapping around him. Levi rested his
cheek against his forehead.

“I wish I was this tall.” He closed his eyes, envisioning himself enveloping Erwin in a strong,
protective embrace.

“Like I’ve said, I find your height attractive.” Erwin kissed his neck. “We should get back to the
base, because your body heat is alluring, and we promised ourselves we’d wait two days before we
did any of this. All risks and suspicions aside, I’m still too chafed to take that back.”

“Maybe if you stopped dry-humping everything all the time … ”

Even in the moonlight, Erwin’s cheeks were noticeably dark. “Am I really that bad?”

“Bad? No, it’s fucking hot.” Levi pressed his lips to one of Erwin’s brows; it tickled his lips. “It’s
like you can’t control yourself around me.” Blood was rushing between his legs just thinking about
it.

Erwin shivered. “We have to stop talking about this.” He stepped away, and Levi immediately felt
too cold in his absence. He hopped down to the ground, falling into place beside him.

They returned to the base in a silence so comfortable that Levi’s heart glowed. He glanced up and
saw a placid expression on Erwin’s face. They’d have to take walks together more often; he didn’t
expect to feel so light after such a heavy discussion. The heavy subjects are lighter when we share
them between us.

As they rounded the corner to the bunks, they could see Mike at the far end of the hallway—he
was leaning against Levi’s door, arms folded over his chest.

“You know,” Levi whispered, “as soon as his nose heals, our secret is out.”

“Indeed. We’ll have to tell him before then.”

“Tonight?”

Erwin shook his head. “Let’s take some time to figure out how we’ll word it. We can trust him to
keep our secret, but he may take issue with our relationship—particularly since he’s still healing
from my ugly behaviour when you were missing.”

As they approached, Mike pulled away from the door, his arms dropping to his sides.

“I’ll let you two talk,” Erwin said. “Goodnight, Levi. Mike.”

“Wait,” Levi said. “The trunk is still in my room.”

“It’s okay. I’ll unpack tomorrow.” With a smile, Erwin stepped into his room, then closed the door
behind him.

For a moment, Mike and Levi eyed each other.

“Look,” Mike said, “I’m sorry I upset you.”

“It’s fine.” Levi searched for a believable excuse for his anger. “I’m just pissy. I haven’t taken a
shit in three days, so my asshole is all jammed up.”

Mike leaned forward, hair falling into his eyes; his voice was low. “Just tell me this: did Erwin
sleep with Marie?”

“None of your business, but no.”

“Good.” Mike glanced at Erwin’s door. “If you two just found some random women, that’s fine
—”

“How the hell do you not know that I’m gay, after all this time?”
“Oh.” Mike stood tall. “Okay, then: if you two just found some random people , that’s fine, but
romance fucks with his head a bit.”

“Romance fucks with everyone’s head.” Levi turned to face his door, ready to open it. “Goodnight,
Mike.”

Mike seemed surprised to be pushed aside mid-conversation, but he only nodded and said,
“Goodnight.”

Levi hoped the exhausting day would make it easy for him to fall asleep, but even after he had gone
through the paces of his nighttime routine and crawled into bed, he tossed and turned. Romance
fucks with my head, too. He couldn’t stop replaying bits of his conversation with Erwin in his
mind, sometimes with apprehension, sometimes with joy. Beneath it all, his darker memories were
skirting the perimeter of his consciousness, and he fought to keep them at bay, focusing instead on
the memory of that quivering jaw. I know you. I love you, Levi.

His bed felt too empty, too cold. Several times, he nearly gave up in favour of joining Erwin in his
bed, but he set his jaw and pushed through. He had promised two days, and he wasn’t about to
break that promise.

Finally, too exhausted to feel embarrassed, he settled on a compromise. He slid out of bed and
opened the trunk, then pulled out the dress shirt Erwin had worn under his suit at the gala. It
smelled of his cologne, his natural scent, and a bit of alcohol. Sensations flooded Levi’s mind: the
feeling of Erwin’s bare chest under his palm, the flushed ecstasy of his face when he came, the
undulations of his hips when he ground into Levi’s thigh.

He crawled back into bed and lay on his side, hugging the shirt close. His body finally began to
relax. He tried not to let that worry him; he wasn’t dependent, he was indulging.

He could indulge a little more, if he chose. He had a two-day wait ahead of him, after all, and
orgasm might help him sleep. He dropped a hand between his legs, burying his face in the fabric,
letting Erwin’s scent fill his nose and mouth. He finished a minute later, so hard that his spine
curved and he let out a small yelp.

Now the whole situation felt ridiculous— how would he react if he knew you were huffing his scent
and pawing at yourself?— but Levi was relaxed and glowing. He gave his stomach a few sloppy
swipes with a handkerchief, too exhausted to do more. He knew he should go to the bath to wash
his hands, but his eyelids were already heavy.

He curled up on his side, hugging the shirt tightly against his chest, and his eyes finally closed.
 Deprivation
Chapter Notes

I broke the 400 kudos milestone with that last chapter (OMG THANK YOU), so I did
some thank you art - it's for everyone who has taken the time to
fav/follow/review/comment/kudos, no matter where! Your kind words and
recommendations mean so very much to me. This is just a little doodle from Chapter
2. http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/95078588646/

Next chapter will likely take 3 weeks to go up instead of the normal 2, because I've got
PAX & a wedding to attend on nearly consecutive weekends, so I'm going to be busy
busy busy. Thanks in advance for your patience.

One last note: I have tried very hard to leave Hange completely gender-neutral in this
fic, but a gendered pronoun slipped through last chapter, and I didn't catch it right
away. Sorry about that. :( The phrase has been fixed now.

Okay! Enough rambling. Let's do this.

Previous Chapter: Erwin and Levi return to the Survey Corps base, and Mike and
Hange get nosy and almost figure out everything. Levi freaks out and has a calming
chat with Hange, then a revealing discussion with Erwin, where we learn a bit more
about Levi's past. They've agreed to be platonic for two days, to avoid raising
suspicions.

-16-

Deprivation

Erwin awoke before dawn. His bed was cold, his underwear was tight, and drool coated his chin.
He wiped his face and sat up. What a miserable contrast to the last few mornings.

The first thing he needed to do was take care of the bulge between his legs. Ever since his romantic
life with Levi had heated up, his libido, normally a low smoulder, had erupted into flames, and the
next two days were going to be unbearable if he didn’t give himself release. Unfortunately, his full
bladder was sure to be distracting. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and waited; the
hallways were usually quiet before reveille, but he didn’t want to chance on anyone in this worked
up state. Once his body had calmed down, he gathered his toiletries and pulled on a pair of pants.

He pushed open the bathroom door, and his breath caught. Levi was leaning close to the mirror,
shaving his jaw, a towel wrapped around his waist. Erwin’s underwear began to feel too tight
again.

“Morning, Levi.” He kept his tone casual.

Levi’s eyes shifted to him. “Morning. Sleep okay?”

“Not quite as well as I did in the Capital.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Levi’s eyes shifted back to the mirror. “We’re alone, by the way.”

“Good. Then I can do this.” Erwin strode forward and pressed a kiss into the top of Levi’s head.

“Hey, watch it. I’ve got a razor here.” In spite of the words, Levi’s cheeks flushed.

Erwin stepped into a stall and closed the door. “Your hair’s dry. Not bathing this morning?”

“Don’t talk to me while you’re taking a shit.”

“I’m not.”

“Shit, piss, whatever, it’s still nasty.” He heard the razor swish through water. “It’s a heated bath
day. I’ll join in at the regular time.”

Erwin waited until he had left the stall to reply. “You know they’re putting automatic showers into
the Military Police barracks? They’ll be heated, and they won’t even require a hand pump.”

Levi grimaced, then patted his face dry. “Maybe I should put in a transfer. Would be nicer than
stewing in everyone else’s juices any time I want a hot bath.”

The door swung open, and Mike stepped through. He bobbed his head at them and then stepped
into the stall.

“Looks like everyone’s up early today.” Erwin leaned close to the mirror and began to lather
shaving cream on his face and neck. In his periphery, he could see Levi watching him; he subtly
tilted his neck to expose his throat, then flexed his neck and chest muscles, hoping to give Levi a
flattering view. He could feel tension curling between their bodies like smoke.

“Gym, Levi?” Mike’s voice came from the stall.

“Now you’re talking to me from the toilet, too?” Levi shook his head. “It’s basic manners: if your
asshole is open, your mouth is closed.”

Erwin mouthed, Even in bed?

Levi, unimpressed, flattened his lips at him.

“Can’t sleep.” Mike emerged from the stall and began to wash his hands. “Want to spar a bit
before breakfast?”

“Yeah, sure. Could use some action before we’re stuck in meetings all day.”

“How about you, Erwin?”

Erwin hesitated. He normally preferred to exercise in the evening, when the other soldiers were
drinking or playing cards, and he could have the gym to himself. The idea of watching Levi in
action, however, was tempting. Besides, who knew how busy he’d be that night, working on the
proposal?

“I have been feeling a bit soft after indulging so much in Mitras,” he said, rubbing his stomach.
“Maybe I’ll come and lift some weights.”

“Just weights?” Levi looked disappointed. “Now that I know you can fight hand-to-hand, I want to
spar with you.”
“I doubt I would provide much of a challenge.” Erwin smiled. “We’ll see how I feel. I’ll meet you
two down there.”

Once he had shaved and changed, he descended the stone stairs that led to the gym. He paused at
the bottom of the stairs, watching from the doorway. Mike and Levi didn’t seem to notice him;
they were locked in combat in the roped-off fighting ring near the back of the room. They wore
thick gloves, padded helmets, chest pads, and pads on their shins and forearms, but Erwin doubted
any of that did much good. Most of their attacks whiffed, and they redirected a few, but the ones
that hit were loud enough that they echoed through the room.

The gym was a sparse room that had once been a spare weapons warehouse, back when the much
larger Garrison force had inhabited the barracks. Aside from the makeshift fighting ring, it
consisted of a few benches, some barbells and weights, a punching bag, and a few sets of
dumbbells. Most soldiers seemed to prefer training in the yard, using their 3DMG or jogging.
While stamina, speed and 3DMG handling were important, Erwin had always been careful to set
aside time to train the basics: weights and hand-to-hand combat. Equilibrium inside the walls was
bound to shift eventually, and when that happened and chaos arose, Erwin would be prepared to
defend himself.

He settled on a weight bench, intending to start his workout, but found himself taking a few more
minutes to watch the pair spar. This wasn’t the first time the three of them had been in the gym at
the same time, but the details had never been this important before.

Mike’s fighting style hadn’t evolved much since they were young: graceless, but powerful. He had
a bad habit of telegraphing his moves before he followed through, but his strength was so
overpowering that his unpredictability seldom mattered. Most soldiers had similar fighting styles
with gear and without; Mike was an exception. With gear on, he became efficient, lethal and
graceful, his skill second only to Levi.

Levi.

Erwin’s gaze locked onto him. He had faced Levi’s combat style a couple times before, and he
hadn’t stood a chance against it. Levi’s strength on its own would have posed a challenge, but it
was his inhuman speed that elevated him to an impossible opponent. He sifted out of the way of
punches like sand on the wind, the muscles of his bare chest and abdomen contracting in ripples.
Even against Mike, the fight was one-sided. Mike couldn’t land a clean hit on him.

Erwin’s heart had begun to beat too quickly. He pulled his eyes away from Levi and began to load
weights onto the barbell. He had a simple routine, three to four times a week: bench press, squats,
bent-over rows and deadlifts, followed by a variety of abdominal exercises and pull-ups. Some
days, when he had more time, he spent more time working the small muscles of his arms,
shoulders, back and chest. He naturally tended toward a lanky upper body, his muscles
concentrated below the waist; the 3DMG didn’t help that, with its demands on the core and legs. It
took concerted effort to keep his upper body filled out.

He was halfway through his third set of bench presses when Levi leaned over him, face damp and
flushed. The grey eyes were alight with such interest that Erwin felt a surge of strength. He finished
the set cleanly and set the bar back into place, breathing hard.

“Not bad.” Levi inspected the weights. “Was that your first set?”

“Third.”

“Third? You should go heavier. I bet you can press twenty kilos more than this, easily.”
Erwin sat up, wiping his damp neck with a towel. “Maybe. Or maybe that would trap me under the
bar.”

“That’s why you shouldn’t lift alone. You need someone to spot you.” Levi glanced back at Mike,
who was leaning against the wall by the fighting ring, nursing a water flask. “Why don’t we lift
together next time?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I’d like to spot you.” Eyes still on Mike, Levi lowered his volume: “I like seeing you
straining and sweaty.”

Erwin was glad his face was already red. “Next time, then.”

“Hey, Erwin.” Mike set his flask down. “You’re up next.”

“I wasn’t planning on sparring.”

“I want a rematch from the other night.”

“Some other time.” Erwin stood and lowered the barbell to the floor, beginning to load it with
weights for his deadlifts.

“Hm,” Levi said.

“Hm what?”

“Now that I know you can fight, I want to see you in action.” Levi folded his arms over his bare
chest, looking down his nose at him. “You weren’t much of a challenge last time we faced off.”

He’s just trying to provoke you, Erwin thought, but it was working.

“I can see I won’t get any peace until I go through with this.” He strode toward Mike. “Levi, give
me your pads. I’ll take on Mike first.”

“Mine are all sweaty, and they’ll be too small on you, anyway. Here.” Levi dug through the
equipment bin and pulled out a fresh set. He began to help Erwin strap them on—an unnecessary
gesture, but appreciated, especially because their hands accidentally brushed against each other
several times. Erwin subtly breathed in, enjoying the scent of the warmth radiating from Levi’s
skin.

Once he was fully outfitted, he stepped into the ring, squaring off with Mike. He held his fists high
and relaxed into stance. Mike’s eyes were partially hidden beneath a fringe of dark blond hair, but
Erwin used them as an anchor anyway, taking in his whole form at once.

He took a deep breath, tapping into a side of himself he hadn’t used for many years. After his
father’s death, his mother had insisted on hiring a self-defense instructor for her children; they had
trained several times a week right until Erwin had left for the military. The constant practice had
been necessary; Erwin had been a slow pupil. For one thing, his sister was naturally the more
bloodthirsty of the two of them, while he had considered physical conflict brutish. For another, he
had a natural tendency to overthink his moves instead of trusting his instincts, making him slow to
react. It had taken years of constant repetition to hone his skills and sharpen his speed. He had
hated it at the time, but now he had no doubt the classes had prepared him for a successful career in
the military.
“All right,” he said. “Let’s go.”

Mike snapped out a few jabs, testing him, and Erwin’s jaw set. He had noticed earlier that Mike’s
old tells had faded since the last time they had sparred. Training with Levi was paying off. That’s
going to make this matchup more difficult.

A hook barrelled toward Erwin’s head. He sidestepped, delivering a soft punch to Mike’s ribs as a
rebuke. “Not to the face.”

“Fine.” Mike circled him, eyes narrow, jaw set. Erwin kept pace, watching, waiting for an opening.

Then Mike stepped forward for a punch, leaving a small patch of his flank unguarded. Erwin
ducked under his fist and drove for the opening, but before he could connect, Mike knocked his
arm away.

“I’ve been sparring with Levi, you know. I’m used to short-people tricks.”

“Short,” Erwin scoffed.

Their back and forth continued, each blocking the other’s punches. Erwin felt lighter with each
move, as if the contact between them was jarring loose years of grief and responsibility. The
banter, the knowing smirks, the mindless violence: he was young again, cocky and spry. He
dodged two punches and a kick, spinning to Mike’s back, and gave a low laugh.

Mike whipped around to face him, eyes narrow. “Stop holding back.”

“I’m not holding back,” Erwin lied. “I’m out of practice.”

“Bullshit. Where are your kicks?”

“I’m an old man, Mike. My hips don’t flex the way they used to.” Truthfully, he was saving his
legs, waiting until his opponent was fatigued enough to start falling back on his old tells. The wait
shouldn’t be too much longer; he was already beginning to telegraph his hooks, twitching his
shoulder back for a brief instant before driving forward. A few more minutes, and every move
would play across his face before his body had even initiated it.

Erwin stared down his prey. Once that happens, you’re mine. Fire beat through his heart, his limbs
tingling.

“Don’t wear yourselves out,” Levi said. “I want a turn, too.”

His voice was such a powerful distraction that Erwin momentarily dropped his focus. He snapped
back to himself in time to see Mike’s shin driving for his flank.

Shit! He instinctively dropped, and the shin grazed the top of his head. He used his momentum to
sweep out Mike’s support leg. Mike gave an undignified yelp and plummetted to the floor.

“You’re down,” Erwin said. “Your turn, Levi.”

“That wasn’t a proper fight,” Mike said, sitting up. “You were toying with me.”

“We had a proper fight recently enough that I’m not ready to relive it.” Erwin’s pulse was audible
in his ears, his lungs burning. He stood and held out a hand. “Maybe I’ll be more aggressive when
my guilt fades. Or maybe you should have applied more pressure to force me to fight back.”

Mike grumbled, but accepted his hand and rose to his feet. He leaned against the wall and drank
from his flask.

“You need a minute?” Levi climbed into the ring.

“Just one.” Erwin studied him. Their height difference was going to drastically impact the balance
of the fight. While his reach would be a clear advantage at a distance, Levi would have the
advantage in close quarters. With his speed, it’s going to be hard to keep him in my optimal range.

“ You’re trying to size me up, right?”

“Yes.”

“It won’t help.” Levi shrugged. “You can’t win this kind of fight with strategy. Thinking just slows
you down.”

Erwin smiled. “So I’ve heard.”

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

The word had barely left his lips when Levi was barrelling at him, so fast that his body was a blur.
Erwin instinctively threw out a forearm, blocking a punch before he had fully registered what was
happening. Levi’s free hand drilled toward him, and Erwin’s other arm snapped out to block that
one, too.

For a moment, they stared at each other, their arms locked and straining, and he swore Levi
smirked at him.

The contact broke. Levi ducked, and somehow he was already at Erwin’s flank, driving a foot
towards his shin. Erwin lifted his leg just in time to avoid it, trying to carry his motion forward to
smack the back of the moving knee, but his foot found air. Levi’s fist popped into his ribs with so
much force that Erwin staggered, clutching his side. He’s too fast. I can’t read him.

Levi stood in front of him, chin angled so that he was looking down his nose at him in spite of his
stature. “You were the best in your class?”

Erwin grinned. “Told you I wouldn’t be much of a challenge.” Pride was tinting his vision red, but
he blinked it back, refusing to let it take control. Every fighter has weaknesses. Find his.

He stood tall, lifting his arms into position. “Keep going.”

“If you’re sure.”

Levi drove forward again, this time stopping short and snapping out a heel at gut-height. Erwin
sidestepped it—right into Levi’s backhand, which connected with the padding over his ear.

“Your ear would be ringing now.” Levi’s eyes twinkled. “You would stagger back, stunned and
defenseless, and I’d drop you.”

Erwin’s teeth clenched; he caught Levi’s arm and twisted, trying to force him to the ground, but
Levi was short enough that he was able to spin out from under him to relieve the pressure on his
arm. He reclaimed his arm, then his elbow swung at Erwin’s gut.

Time slowed.
He always does multiple moves in a row, Erwin thought. Don’t be distracted by his main
movement. Be looking for the follow-up as you dodge. As he stepped back out of the elbow’s way,
he scanned Levi’s other limbs. There; Levi’s heel was lifting. He’s going to kick. His elbow is still
extended.

Erwin shifted out of his reach, then swung his back leg under the elbow, aiming for Levi’s
unprotected flank.

The kick connected.

Levi staggered back a step, then looked up, eyes wide. Taking advantage of his shock, Erwin
followed up with a roundhouse kick, smacking the side of his arm.

Levi bared his teeth, brows dropping.

If Erwin had been able to keep him at that distance, he might have been able to press his advantage,
but Levi was too fast. He closed the gap between them, throwing out a barrage of blows. Erwin
frantically deflected them all, the bones of his forearm aching from the jarring force. A surprise
punch caught him under the jaw.

I can’t read him when he’s this close. I need to get him out of range. He thrust his palms at Levi’s
shoulders, intending to shove him back. One connected, but Levi caught the other one with both
hands.

The world flipped, then Erwin lay on his back, his breath coming in short blasts. He tried to sit up,
but Levi sat on top of him.

“You’re down.”

Not yet. Erwin rolled, trying to manoeuvre himself into a position of superiority. Levi caught his
arms and used Erwin’s momentum against him, rolling him too far. When they settled, Levi was
straddling Erwin’s hips, leaning forward, his fist at Erwin’s trachea.

“Try that again, blondie,” Levi dared. His face and chest were flushed, his breaths ragged, sweat
plastering his dark body hair to his chest and abdomen. A bead of sweat trailed off the end of his
nose, landing on Erwin’s chin.

Oh fuck, that’s hot. Testosterone swam through Erwin’s blood. He wanted to grab Levi by the hair
and pull him down, kiss him, bite him, drive against that muscled, clothed ass centered so perfectly
over his groin. He wanted to wrestle with him, try to overpower each other, rolling over and over,
until the friction between them pulled one of them under.

His eyes searched Levi’s; Levi closed his mouth and swallowed hard.

“Well,” Mike said, his tone so awkward that Erwin wondered if their sexual tension was obvious.
“What next?”

Levi rose to his feet, his knees creaking. Erwin quickly rolled onto his front, pretending he was
trying to catch his breath. The thin shorts were too revealing. He closed his eyes and tried to think
of the least appealing imagery he could imagine— Nile fucking Marie, Nile fucking Levi, Levi
fucking Sahlo .

He felt a foot nudge his flank, then Mike spoke: “Levi, I think you broke him.”

“I’m fine.” Erwin reached for his towel and sat up, subtly dropping the towel over his lap. He
raked a hand through his hair, avoiding looking at Levi in case he got flustered all over again. “But
I should probably head upstairs. The bath should be heated by now, and I have a few things to do
before our meeting this morning.”

“We should do this again sometime,” Levi said, and even the slight ragged sound to his voice
made Erwin’s pulse rise.

“Indeed.” Not sure what else to say, and still trying to avoid eye contact, Erwin marched from the
gym.

He returned to his room, locked the door behind him, then whipped off his shorts. It took him
seconds to harden again, and he lay on his back on the bed, fist tight and tugging hard, fixated on
that tense moment after the fight. His back began to arch, and he felt a cry building in his throat. He
clapped his free hand over his mouth in case the sound was about to escape.

A knock sounded at the door.

Erwin froze, and for a moment, the only sound was his shuddering breaths.

“Hey Erwin, you in there?” Levi said, his voice so warm and liquid that Erwin felt it drizzle over
his skin.

Don’t, he told himself, but he was already striding across the room. He opened the door, grabbed
Levi by the wrist and yanked him into the room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Levi stared. “You’re naked.”

Erwin grabbed his hair and kissed him hard, the force of it knocking him against the wall. He
kissed a line down the slender neck, using his teeth, then across to his armpit, and he breathed in.

“What the hell?” Levi tried to pull away, but his hair was caught in Erwin’s fist. “Get your face out
of my armpit.”

“But you smell so good.” Erwin released his hair and kissed the underside of his arm, then down
his flank, his groin aching. Levi’s sweat didn’t smell like sweat; it smelled like thick forest,
rippling muscles, and flushed, panting faces.

“I’m disgusting,” Levi protested. “And you said we had to wait at least two—”

“I know what I said.” Erwin kissed down the salty, damp trail of hair of his abdomen, pulling
down his waistband. He breathed hot air along Levi’s length, then looked up, giving him a chance
to back out.

He could tell by the pinched brows that Levi was torn. “Does it stink?”

“No.”

“Fine, if you really want to, go ahead and—” His voice ended in a gasp as Erwin’s mouth closed
over him.

He tasted stronger than usual, and Erwin sucked hard, relishing the uncensored flavour. So good,
you taste and smell so good. He used his hand alongside his mouth, taking him hard and fast,
driven by the momentum of their fight. His other hand wrapped around himself again, stroking
hard.
“Oh fuck,” Levi gasped, beginning to counter-thrust.

Erwin glanced up and saw Levi watching with slit eyes, his hair stringy with sweat, his red face
streaked with drying salt. This man, so powerful, so beautiful. He tried to cry out, but the sound
was muffled deep in his throat.

“Oh shit,” Levi breathed, his head lolling back to rest against the wall. “I’m going to- Oh shit.”

Erwin swallowed, savouring the taste and the warmth. He hung on long enough to carry Levi
through, then let himself fall. The climax itself was small in comparison to the intensity of the
buildup, more like a hiccup than an orgasm. He would have been disappointed, but then he looked
up and saw wonder on Levi’s face, and somehow, that was enough to satisfy him.

He gave one last stroke and swirl of his tongue to make sure Levi was dry, then tucked him back
into his shorts and stood.

“You wanted something?”

Levi’s eyes were wide. “What?”

“You knocked on my door.”

The eyes fluttered closed. “Yeah. Bath. Heading to the bath.”

“Let me just grab my towel.” He opened a drawer to pull one out, then wrapped it around his waist.
When he turned around again, Levi was still flat against the wall. “You okay?” he asked, a little
smug.

Levi raked a hand through his hair; it fell in his face again. “Were you rubbing one out when I
knocked or something?”

“Yes.”

“After how hard you were at the gym, I had the feeling you might be.”

“And yet,” Erwin said, “you still knocked.”

Levi shook his head. “Two days. Pathetic. We can’t even make it through one.”

“This doesn’t count. There was no foreplay, no cuddling, no sharing a bed together afterwards.
Besides, the whole thing barely lasted a minute—there was no risk that we would have been
caught.”

“Sounds to me like you’re changing the rules of the game.” Levi caught the back of his neck,
pulling him down for a slow, gentle kiss. When they pulled apart, his face twisted. “Oh hell, is that
what I taste like right now? That’s disgusting.”

One last spasm rippled between Erwin’s legs. “I like it.” To cover up his sudden shyness, he
cleared his throat. “We should bathe now if we want time for breakfast before the meeting.”

As they walked side by side down the hallway, Levi glanced up at him. “You fight well.”

“I could barely touch you.”

“You landed two hits on me. It took Mike several sessions to get that far. We should spar together
more. We’d probably learn a thing or two from each other.”
“Even now that you know what it does to me?”

“Not just you.” Levi looked straight ahead, his face blank. “We’ll just have to make sure to shoot
out a load or two first so we don’t start going at each other in front of Mike.”

“‘Shoot out a load,’” Erwin repeated, amused.

They stepped into the bath and found Mike sitting near the back, away from the new recruits. He
waved them over.

As they approached, Erwin’s gaze fixed on his bandages. If he had his sense of smell back, he’d
smell Levi and me all over each other. He still wasn’t sure how Mike was going to react; he had a
habit of being protective when it came to Erwin’s personal life. He had never liked Marie, and he
had been watchful of Henrik, always taking Erwin’s side when the two had a fight. Levi and Mike
had been developing a good friendship—was that going to be impacted? We’re going to have to
talk with him soon.

They slipped into the water next to Mike and sat. Levi immediately began to soap himself, but
Erwin took a minute to lean back, letting the warm water soothe his muscles.

“I still want a proper rematch,” Mike said.

“You’ll get one. Just give my aching bones a day or two to heal.” Erwin let his head loll back
against the edge of the bath. “Are both of you ready for the interviews?” He noticed Levi staring at
his throat, his hands frozen in place mid-scrub. He was becoming aware that Levi found his neck
and throat attractive; he stretched his head a little to accentuate it.

“I don’t like the idea of interviewing people without being able to smell them,” Mike said.

“What does smelling them tell you, anyway?” Levi asked, resuming his scrubbing.

“Their character. People’s scents change depending on what they’re thinking and feeling.”

Levi raised a brow at him. “Yeah? What did your nose tell you about me?”

“That you would make a strong enemy, but a stronger ally.”

Levi looked unconvinced. “What about Erwin?”

“That he’s worth following.”

“I’m glad you feel that way,” Erwin said. “I’m sorry again about your nose. If you take off the
bandage, has the swelling gone down enough for you to at least get some scent off the soldiers
you’re interviewing?”

Mike shrugged, not looking him in the eye. Erwin felt a pang of regret. Of all the places to attack,
why had he gone for the nose?

“Well, give it a try,” he said. “If it doesn’t work, then we’ll leave your squad open to shuffling.
You can sniff them out later.”

“You’re going to creep them out,” Levi muttered, shaking his head. “The two of you are like
damned dogs.”

Erwin’s cheeks burned, recalling the delicious scent of Levi’s sweat; he glanced at Mike, who
looked confused.
They washed, carefully not looking each other in the eye, as was typical during group baths. Erwin
allowed himself a few seconds to take in Levi’s shoulders and upper back, enjoying the way the
water made his skin glisten, but he looked away before he could become too obvious.

Spending the morning in Levi’s company was so enjoyable that he tried to drag out the bath as long
as possible, but eventually, he ran out of body parts to wash. His heart ached as he tore himself
away. There were tasks yet to complete before the recruiting started up. Besides, it wasn’t like him
to spend so much time socializing, and Mike was bound to grow suspicious.

He took his breakfast alone in his office, double-checking candidate files to ensure they were
stacked in alphabetical order. While he had been in the Capital, Berit had personally pulled the
files and compiled the roster, and his quick spot-check showed that she had done an excellent job.

The Squad Leaders arrived shortly before nine o’clock, and Erwin was surprised by the way his
stomach flipped when he saw Levi, even though they had only been separated for a short time. He
nodded cordially at him, and Levi nodded back, face stoic.

Once everyone was seated, Erwin greeted them. “Hange, would you mind keeping notes on the
roster?” The task seemed most befitting someone with a research background.

“Sir.” Hange accepted the stack of papers.

“Mike, how’s your nose?” he asked, noting he had taken off the bandages.

“Still can’t smell a damned thing,” Mike said.

“Hopefully that will change by the time we’re finalizing the squads. All right, everyone, let’s start
by having the four of you call out the soldiers you would like to hand-pick for your squads. If there
are any disputes, we can talk through them. Then, we can begin calling in the remaining candidates
for interviews.”

“I want Nanaba and Henning,” Mike said. “And that new recruit Lynne seems strong—I’d still like
to interview her, though.”

“My squad is pretty good the way it is,” Berit said, the only one of the four who was an
experienced Squad Leader. “There are a few who I think might fit better on other squads. Moblit
would make an excellent researcher, Hange, and Dita might suit you, too. There are five or six
soldiers who are better suited to a scouting team, as well.” As she began to rattle off names, Hange
furiously scribbled notes on the roster.

“Give me Eld and Gunther,” Levi said. “And I want those three new recruits Erwin’s bringing
across from the MP.”

“Ral and Bozado will go to you when they eventually transfer,” Erwin said, “but the third will go
to Mike.” If Sahlo was going to plant a spy, then he wanted that person far away from Levi. Even if
they managed to keep their relationship a secret, someone watching them closely might notice
suspicious glances or telling conversations. Besides, Mike was difficult to read, and his nose
helped him excel at tracking spy movements.

“Oh, I guess that just leaves me.” Hange stared at the notebook, deep in thought. “There’s a new
recruit, Nifa, who has training as a lawyer’s aid. I think she might be helpful with the
administration side of research.”

“We should interview her regardless,” Erwin said. “I may have use for her in an administrative
setting as well, if you are willing to share her.” He would have to keep one ear on the interviews in
case any other administrative folks turned up. They might be able to help him streamline the
paperwork required of the senior officers.

Once they had sorted out the names, the interviews began. They pulled in the soldiers one at a
time, asking them questions. At first, the four Squad Leaders were a bit lost, so Erwin did most of
the talking. Once they were on their third interview, however, Berit seemed to have caught on. By
the fifth, even Levi was asking a few questions—not always in the most polite manner, but it was
something.

Content that the four had everything under control, Erwin turned his attention to the expedition
proposal. It was going to be difficult to build it without knowing where, exactly, the silos were, but
he would build the backbone the best he could until Sahlo came through with the specifics. The
two week timeline he had given himself for the proposal was going to be tight, so he wanted to get
as much of a head start as he could. He needed to start getting results while Sahlo was still
intimidated; time and distance had a way of dulling fear.

They broke for lunch, the five of them sitting at a table in the dining hall, comparing notes and
thoughts. Erwin sat next to Levi, their thighs nearly touching, and he couldn’t help remembering
their secret hand-hold—it seemed so long ago now. He used his peripheral vision to watch Levi,
sliding his foot closer until their boots pressed together. He felt a small nudge in return; taboo
magnified the tiny hint of affection. Shivers ran down his spine.

The interviews continued until dinner, and this time, their meal break was less energetic. Hange
kept shaking out the hand that had been taking notes, as if it were cramping. Mike and Berit
seemed to be passing the same yawn back and forth, and Levi’s eyes were dull. Though Erwin
would have liked to push for a couple hours after dinner, he decided they had put in enough work
for one day. He shouldn’t push them too hard. Once they had eaten, he dismissed them.

He had no such restraint when it came to his own limits, however, and he settled at his desk, intent
on working as long as his energy held out. He had, after all, already visited the gym, and there
would be no romance with Levi, so he might as well use his momentum. Any hours spent now
could be reclaimed the next night, when he and Levi would come to the end of their two-day pact.

He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until his name startled him awake.

He sat up, his breath coming in a snort. The lamp was low, nearly out of oil. Levi sat across from
him, one leg crossed over the other, dressed only in pyjama bottoms and slippers.

“Did you fall asleep at your desk again?”

“I suppose I did.” Erwin sat up and smoothed the paper in front of him, setting his pen aside.
“What time is it?”

“Three. You do this a lot?”

“Reasonably often.” He tilted his head, studying Levi. There were dark circles under his eyes.
“What are you doing up so late? Can’t sleep?”

Levi shrugged. “Bad dreams again. Went for a walk to calm down, saw your light was still on.”

“Do you need me to be there with you?”

He raised a brow. “I thought we were waiting until tomorrow night.”

“We are, but your well-being is more important than that.” Erwin watched him, trying to gauge his
response. He was certain Levi would refuse his invitation, but his inflection and posture would
indicate whether or not the refusal was sincere.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I’d probably just attack you again, anyway.” His face twisted.

“Levi—”

“No, we’re not going to talk about it. I just—” Levi shrugged, looking away. “I appreciate your
concern. I’m fine.” The words were jagged, as if he was forcing them out, but they seemed sincere.

Erwin nodded. “If you’re certain. Let me know if I can do anything to help.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Levi’s arms folded over his chest, so tightly that his muscles flexed. “You still
haven’t unpacked your clothes out of the trunk.”

“Ah, sorry, I had forgotten all about it.”

“Well, come get it soon. It’s stinking up my room with your smell.” Was that a blush showing on
the pale cheeks? It was difficult to tell in the dim light.

Erwin stood and circled the desk. “Come here,” he said gently.

Levi gave an irritable sigh, but stood. “I told you, I’m fine.”

“I know you are. I just want to give you a hug. As a friend.” He wrapped his arms around him,
shocked again by how small he was. As Erwin drew him in, he caught a whiff of his own cologne
on Levi’s hair. Is he using my scent to calm himself somehow? Maybe my old clothes, or my
cologne bottle? He wasn’t certain if he was interpreting that correctly or not, and asking would
probably just humiliate him, but it gave him an idea.

“Here.” He stepped away and pulled off his jacket. “Sleep in this. It smells like me, so it’ll be like
I’m there holding you.”

Levi’s cheeks darkened. “What is it with you and smell?”

Erwin ignored him, draping the jacket around his shoulders. “You can return it to me in the
morning, but no hurry. I have plenty of spares.”

“Sentiment,” Levi muttered, but his face softened. “You should get some sleep, too.”

“In a little bit.” He crouched down to kiss Levi’s forehead. “Until tomorrow night, Levi.”

Levi looked up at him, his pupils large and soft in the dim light. Erwin stepped away, feeling
loneliness preemptively tighten around his heart. Clearing his throat, he circled back to his chair
and eased into it.

By the time he looked up again, Levi was gone. He set his jaw and continued his work, determined
not to be distracted by his emotions.

Erwin awoke to a knock at his office door. Sunlight streamed through the windows; he had slept
through reveille. At least he had made headway before passing out again; he was well on track to
meeting his deadline.

“Sir?” a light voice called.

“Come in.” He stood and stretched his head. His neck was aching; he must have slept with his head
pressed to the desk at an odd angle. Long nights were getting considerably more difficult as he
aged. Next time, I’ll put on a pot of coffee.

Nanaba stepped into the room, holding a stack of envelopes. “Mail, sir.”

“Just leave it on the desk. Thank you, Nanaba.”

The door had barely closed when it swung open again. Levi marched into the room, using two
hands to carry a mug on a saucer, Erwin’s jacket tucked under his arm. “I thought I told you to go
to bed, idiot.”

“Good morning, Levi.”

“Here.” Levi whipped the jacket at him.

Erwin caught it one-handed, then lifted it to his nose and breathed in. “It smells like you,” he said,
partly to tease him.

“Shut up.” Levi looked away, his cheeks red.

“Did it help?”

“I don’t know. Probably.” Levi set down the mug. Coffee. He slumped into a chair. “Mike’s
bringing you breakfast in a few minutes.”

Erwin put on his jacket, then began to sort through his mail. “What time is it?” Several envelopes
had arrived from potential investors he had spoken with during the gala. He set them in a separate
pile on his desk.

“Ten to eight.” Levi leaned forward and adjusted the pile of envelopes, squaring their edges.

“I see. I really overslept.” Erwin’s voice faded as he came upon an envelope addressed in familiar
script. His brows lowered. “Dammit.”

“What?”

“My sister sent mail here. She’s getting bolder.” He reached for his letter opener to slit the end of
the envelope. He skimmed the letter, skipping over the guilt trips and religious rhetoric. “She
wants to meet me at my apartment tomorrow at five o’clock. If I’m not there, she’s going to come
find me here.” He let out a low sigh. He had gone to great lengths to ensure that his home life and
his professional life never intersected, and she was threatening to end his fifteen year streak of
success.

“Stubborn little shit, isn’t she?”

“Family trait.” Erwin folded the letter, setting it back on the desk. “I suppose I’ve let this go on
long enough. I’ll make time to meet with her.”

“I’ll come.”
Erwin raised a brow. “This is a private family matter, Levi. There’s no need.”

“She seems desperate, and you have no idea what the hell she’s like anymore, or what those Wall
fuckers might ask her to do.” Levi shrugged, but Erwin saw genuine worry ripple across his
features. “I’d rest better knowing you had backup if this was all some sort of trap.”

“Well, if it would put you at ease, it might be nice to have company.” The concern was touching,
and more than that, his logic was sound. For all he knew, the Wallists might have brainwashed his
sister into becoming an assassin. She had always been passionate and volatile, so she would be
easy to control—and as Commander of the Survey Corps, he was a direct threat to their ideals.

The final envelope was large and thick, marked with Sahlo’s seal. The hair on the back of his neck
stood on end. “I suppose now we’ll see if my gamble paid off.”

“Oh?” Levi leaned forward.

Erwin held up the envelope, tapping the seal with his fingertip. “Our friend Sahlo replied earlier
than expected. It certainly feels thick enough to contain the information I requested.”

“‘Morning,” Berit said from the doorway. She settled into a chair. “No couches yet?”

“I’m working on it,” Erwin replied, distracted. He felt Levi’s eyes on him as he slit the wax, then
pulled out the thick bundle of papers.

The first several pages were an itemized list of silos by coordinates, and he felt a wave of relief.
“He came through. Thanks again for your help, Levi. This will shape the course of the Survey
Corps in the months to come.”

Levi’s body relaxed, and he slumped into the chair again. “Glad that shit-for-brains was good for
something.”

Mike stepped into the room, Hange on his heels. He set a bowl of porridge on the desk.

Erwin greeted and thanked them without looking up. He flipped through the pages, skimming the
contents. Several silos held food supplies and weapons, far more than he had expected. They would
be able to build a good dozen caches with these supplies alone. There were sizable tax caches here,
too, and a quick mental calculation showed there’d be more than enough to support Hange’s
weapons research.

He flipped to the last page, and his good mood faded. He let out a low, humourless chuckle.

“What are you laughing about?” Levi asked, leaning closer.

Erwin handed him the paper so he could read it for himself:

My Dear Commander Erwin,

It’s with the greatest of excitement that I join you on this business venture to aid the Survey Corps
with future expeditions and weapons research. With you at the helm, I’m sure the public’s long-
unfulfilled expectations will at long last be realized, and you won’t fritter away their tax revenues
the way past Commanders have. I am delighted to supplement their hard-earned money with funds
from my own pocket.
As we discussed, I have enclosed the fully itemized list of silos. I’m sure the food and alcohol
stores, in particular, will help keep your soldiers fat and happy in the manner to which they’re
accustomed.

I was so excited about our arrangement that I couldn’t contain myself! I pulled some strings and
arranged the preliminary expedition presentation for Friday at noon. I understand this gives you a
narrow timeframe for the preparations, but I’m confident a man of your brilliance won’t let us
down.

I’m a man with many connections, Commander Erwin, and I’m sure you’ll come to appreciate, in
time, how important it is to have me as an ally.

Eagerly and with great hope ,

[Sahlo’s seal]

Levi squinted at the words. Erwin could tell he was struggling with the flowing script, but he didn’t
dare insult him by offering to help.

“Wait,” Levi said. “It’s Wednesday today, and the meeting is Friday? So you have to travel back to
the Capital overnight tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Hange said, and he remembered the other Squad Leaders were present. “But you were
going to take the next two weeks to work on the proposal.”

“And that was already going to be a stretch. I’m afraid our new ally has made things very, very
difficult for me.” Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “I ask that
the four of you conduct the interviews somewhere else today, as I’ll need a quiet environment to
finish off this proposal. Berit and Mike, would you be so kind as to arrange transport to Mitras for
tomorrow night at ten o’clock? And perhaps one of you could fetch me a pot of coffee. Hange, I’ll
need to meet with that young woman who has legal training, the one we interviewed yesterday.”

“Nifa, sir?”

“Nifa, yes. I’ll need her feedback on my proposal a few hours before I leave, to give me time to
edit it in the carriage. Could you ask her to come by my office tomorrow at five o’clock?”

“Erwin.” Levi tapped the folder letter from his sister demanding a five o’clock appointment.

“Of course.” Erwin’s pulse sped. “Tell Nifa three o’clock, please, Hange.”

“Sir.”

Then they all left, and he was alone with Levi and could drop his calm façade. He raked his hands
into his hair. “Shit.”

“That damned asshole.” Levi’s face was tight. “He’s screwing with you on purpose, isn’t he? Can’t
you just push back your meeting with the brass by a week or two?”

“Not without losing face, something I can’t afford to do this early in my appointment as
Commander. The King’s people are difficult to book time with, and to get me in so quickly, Sahlo
must have talked up this expedition. He’s trying to knock me down by building me up too much,
knowing that reality will never live up to their inflated expectations. If I lose credibility with them,
then my word will mean nothing, and my threats will lose all power. He’ll be free, and I’ll be
disgraced.” He shook his head. “Levi, I’m afraid I may have bitten off more than I can chew with
this one.”

“No, you’ll handle him. You just have to figure out his pressure points, and you will.” Levi folded
his arms over his chest. “Besides, you probably would have been disappointed if he hadn’t put up a
fight, right? I bet you’re secretly getting a thrill out of this, you twisted bastard.”

Erwin couldn’t help chuckling. “Perhaps.”

There was a pause. “Look, I know we were supposed to spend the night together, but we can just
take a few minutes to get off together if it’ll give you more time on your proposal.”

Erwin’s smile faded. “I’m sorry, Levi. If I’m leaving tomorrow night, we may not have that night
together until after I get back.”

Levi shrugged, but his voice was small: “How long will you be there?”

“I imagine it will be a quick trip.” Erwin gripped his shoulder. “Come find me after dinner and see
how I’m doing. Maybe everything will fall into place faster than I expect. For now, only concern
yourself with the interviews.”

“Okay.” Levi’s brows pinched.

“Everything will be fine,” Erwin said, but his chest tightened.

“Okay.” With one last worried look at him, Levi turned and left the room.

Thankfully, the outline Erwin had prepared the night before made his work flow smoothly. The
most time-consuming part was cross-referencing the silo contents with the map locations to plan a
route; there were too many moving parts to keep track of in his head. He took a few minutes to cut
scraps of paper and stick notes to the map, then spent an hour shuffling a wooden figure along the
board, trying to figure out the safest, most efficient route.

At lunchtime, Hange came into the room bearing a bowl of stew, a large chunk of bread, and a
fresh pot of coffee. “Mike said you’d forget to eat if we didn’t feed you.”

Erwin smiled. “He knows me well. Thank you, Hange. Any word from Nifa?”

“She looked nervous, but she’ll be happy to look over your proposal whenever you send for her. I
can help out, too, if you like. I’ve read a lot of that sort of thing.”

“Actually, if you have a moment, I’d like your opinion now. I’m trying to plan our expedition
route.” He slid the wooden figure from silo to silo. “Since you’ll all have new squads, and many of
the recruits are still green, the first few days will be spent practicing travelling in formation, so
we’ll stick to these known low-traffic routes. Here—” He pointed to a building marked on the map.
“—is an abandoned checkpoint we can use as a base of operations. If we manage to hold it, we can
radiate out to two silos a day from there, regrouping each night.” He traced lines on the map. “Any
thoughts?”

Hange leaned forward, brow furrowed. “Without any scouting intelligence, it’s hard to say.”

“I know. There will be some flexibility once we have that information, but I need to propose an
overall strategy for now. What do you think? Is two per day too aggressive?”

Hange tapped the northeast segment of his route. “I’m concerned about this area here. The hills are
going to wreak havoc with our carriages, and they’ll also force our formation to tighten.”

“True. That being said, look at the treasure trove of weapons that those two silos hold. There’s an
old checkpoint between them. Maybe split it into one per day, travel more cautiously through that
region, and stay at that checkpoint overnight?”

“Sounds better than hitting both on one day. How many days is this expedition going to take?”

“Somewhere between eight and fourteen, depending how long it takes the squads to adjust to the
formation.”

“Okay.” Hange glanced up. “When?”

There seemed to be a hidden motive behind the question, and he could already guess what it was.
“I anticipate sending the scouting team out in two weeks, then launching the expedition two weeks
after that. And no, I don’t believe you’ll have time before then to prepare new weapons to bring
with us. Besides, we have enough new variables to work with; adding more would only put the
mission at risk.”

Hange’s face fell. “I have an idea for a little weapon that—”

“Not this time,” he said kindly. “The funds are only going to start coming in once we’ve retrieved
the silos’ contents, and we’ll want to test weapons on smaller-scale missions. Think longer term.”

“Sir,” Hange said, looking disappointed.

He smiled and reached across to squeeze Hange’s shoulder. “You don’t have to keep calling me
‘sir’ now that you’re a Squad Leader—just ‘Erwin’ will be fine. Thanks for the lunch and the
feedback. I’ll send for you and Nifa tomorrow. You’re dismissed.”

Confident now that he was on the right track, he began to flesh out the proposal. Route diagrams
and charts were his favourite aspects of documentation, so he saved them for later, when he was
bound to be too exhausted to concentrate. Instead, he worked on getting the financial aspects out of
the way.

The first step was to halve each of the silo’s tax contents, as he had promised Sahlo. His strategy
had a potential loose end here: if Sahlo felt like it, he could easily turn around and have Erwin tried
for falsifying the numbers. The kickback and threats would hopefully be enough to keep him quiet,
but just in case, Erwin planned to make another stop while he was in the Capital. One of his
contacts did excellent document forgeries, and would easily be able to alter Sahlo’s itemized list to
match Erwin’s falsified numbers, making it look as if the fake numbers were Sahlo’s idea all
along.

By the time the dinner bell rang, he had finished the financial planning and moved onto the
specifics of the strategy. In an effort to stave off fatigue, he had consumed so much caffeine that he
didn’t have an appetite, and his hands were shaking. He had been up and down at least once an
hour to use the toilet, his kidneys aching from the strain. His mind, at least, was alert, in spite of his
fractured sleep the night before.

The four Squad Leaders entered his office a few minutes after the bell, all carrying trays of food.

“Erwin?” Berit said. “Do you have time for a quick debrief?”

His mind was racing so fast that he felt as if it were pushing on the underside of his skull; he didn’t
want to be interrupted. He knew, however, that he needed to devote some of his energy to his
officers. Gone were the days when Shadis had shielded and isolated him while he was planning.

He forced himself to put down his pen. “I have a few minutes. Come in.”

They filed in and settled into chairs with their trays.

Levi set a fifth tray in front of him. “How’s it going?” Their eyes held, and Erwin could see the
unasked question there: are we going to have time to be together tonight? He hoped so; he had been
carefully washing himself clean after each of his bathroom visits, just in case.

“Things are shaping up quite well.” Erwin leaned back in his chair. “I believe I should be able to
make the deadline with time to spare.”

Levi’s face softened. “Good.”

As they ate, the Squad Leaders updated Erwin on their interview progress. As he had suspected, it
was still too early to have any real progress, but it sounded as if the four of them were amicably
slotting soldiers into the correct squads with almost no bickering. They worked well together.

He found himself enjoying their company, but there was still work to be done. He dismissed them
the instant his bowl was empty.

Levi lingered, waiting until the door closed behind the others, then approached the desk. “Well?”

“Come by at ten o’clock,” Erwin said. “I should be able to take a short break then.”

Levi picked up a stick of graphite and adjusted it so it was square to the edge of the desk, not
looking him in the eye. “You going to want me to fuck you?” he asked quietly.

The words made a shiver run down Erwin’s spine, but he said, “I’m not sure actual sex is a good
idea; between the stress and the coffee, I don’t quite trust my stomach right now. But I have
another idea.” He reached across the desk to trace the back of his hand. “How about we go up to
the old guard tower—the one where we had lunch before—and use our mouths on each other under
the stars?”

Levi looked up. “You mean, sucking each other off at the same time?”

“It might take a bit of maneouvring. If we lie on our sides and I curl forward, we can probably
make it work. We’ll bring up a few blankets to lie on.” He traced circles around a knotted knuckle.
“If it doesn’t work, that’s fine, but it would be nice to give it a try.”

A shiver visibly ran through Levi’s body. “I’ll come back at ten.”

Erwin stood and leaned forward across the desk, skimming Levi’s lips with his own. “I look
forward to it.”

And so he was crestfallen when, at nine thirty, he realized he had made a basic calculation error
that meant he would have to redo a third of his proposal. When ten o’clock came, he was
frantically rewriting a financial segment, a fresh pot of coffee at his side. His frustration must have
shown on his face, because Levi stopped short in the doorway.

“What happened?”

Erwin shoved a hand through his hair, barely looking up. “For some reason, I was under the
impression that twelve plus fourteen was twenty-five, and that mistake carried through every single
one of my calculations.”

Levi closed the door, then sauntered forward and leaned against the desk. “That was a dumb
mistake. How much more time do you need?”

“Three, four hours?”

“From one mistake?”

“A critical one, I’m afraid, and the more I track it down, the more everything else unravels. This
entire proposal is so hastily constructed that it didn’t hold up to my scrutiny, and I’m so tired that
I’m seeing double.” He looked up and, seeing the disappointment on Levi’s face, gave a low sigh.
“I’m sorry, Levi.”

“We could just do something quick. If we jerk each other off, it’ll only take a few minutes.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You know how sleepy I get after orgasm.” Erwin carefully
corrected a number. “Believe me, I’m aching to spend time with you, but at this rate, I won’t have
time until one or two in the morning, at the earliest.”

“Then I’ll come back in a few hours.”

Erwin hesitated, wanting more than anything to agree. “You shouldn’t wait up for me.”

“I won’t. In the Underground, you learn to sleep for short, specific chunks of time, so I can get
some sleep and still get here in time.” Levi arched a brow. “Besides, you’ll need stress relief.
You’re going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep pushing forward this hard all the time.”

Erwin poured a fresh cup of coffee. “I don’t mind. A part of me enjoys the pressure.”

“That’s the problem, and that’s exactly why I’m going to make sure you take a break.” Levi stood
to his full height, shoulders thrown back. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

True to his word, Levi returned at two o’clock, dressed in his pyjama bottoms and slippers. Erwin
was beginning to feel edgy, the caffeine and lack of sleep taking their toll on him. He had corrected
the errors and finished a large portion of the full work, but it wasn’t enough—he was on a roll; he
needed to keep going; he couldn’t let Sahlo win …

“Hey.” Levi closed the door behind him. “Take a break.”

Erwin’s jaw clenched. “I don’t have time.” Realizing he had snapped the words, he sighed and
leaned back in his chair. “I’m sorry, Levi, I really, truly am, but we’re going to have to postpone.
Even if I had the time, I’m far too stressed for my body to respond. I promise I’ll make this up to
you tomorrow night.” He wasn’t sure how he’d stay awake then, but he’d find a way.

“You need a break,” Levi said flatly. He sat across from him. “Look at you, all wound up on stress
and coffee. I can see your teeth vibrating from here. Your asshole’s probably puckered shut. You
aren’t going to be able to shit for a week if you don’t take a moment to relax it.”

In spite of his best efforts to control his emotions, an exasperated sigh slid from Erwin’s lips.
“Please, go back to bed and let me finish. Tomorrow we can—”

“I’m horny now,” Levi’s tone was demanding, but hurt flickered in his eyes.

I’m shutting him out, the way I used to shut out Henrik, Erwin thought, and he was so exhausted
and furious with himself that he lashed out:

“Then masturbate. This proposal is more important than—” He caught himself, too late.

Levi flinched as if he had been kicked. “More important than me.”

Erwin’s stomach twisted. “I didn’t mean that.”

“No, I get it. Fine, have it your way.” Slumping further in his chair, Levi reached a hand down the
front of his pants.

Erwin stared. “What are you doing?”

“Following orders.” Levi pulled himself out of his pants. “My Commander told me to masturbate.”

“You can’t do that here. If someone comes in—”

“What, someone’s going to break down your door at two in the morning? You keep doing the
important things and let me worry about this.” He began to stroke himself, and gave an exaggerated
sigh. “Fuck, that feels good.”

He’s being childish and passive-aggressive, and I’m not going to play his game. Erwin’s jaw
tightened and he looked back down at his work. He tried to focus on the document, but he was too
on edge, and the rhythmic sound of sliding skin was a constant reminder of what was going on in
front of him. In spite of himself, blood began to pool between his legs, and he felt a flush rising to
his cheeks.

Levi let out a low groan. “Good suggestion. I haven’t even come yet, and I’m feeling better
already.”

Erwin calmly flipped a page, not looking up. “Is masturbation how you usually resolve conflict?”

“I think it might be from now on. Look how fucking hard I am.”

“I don’t have time to look.” Erwin double-checked the labels on a diagram. “Almost done?”

“No, I’m having too much fun. Think I’m going to draw this out.”

There was a strained rasp to his voice, and Erwin couldn’t tell if he was still angry, or if his anger
had been drowned by hormones. Against his better judgement, he looked up. Levi leaned casually
back in the chair, legs splayed, showcasing himself. When he noticed Erwin watching, he paused to
touch the tip, a string of moisture following his finger as he pulled away.
Erwin swallowed hard. “If someone comes through that door—”

“They’ll see my back and won’t have a clue what’s going on.” Levi’s eyes narrowed at him. “Why
the hell are you looking at me like that? Do I seem more important now that my dick’s out?”

The ache between his legs was becoming unbearable. “Maybe I do need a break.”

“You should have thought of that before you decided to be an asshole.” Levi’s head rolled back
along the chair, his hips thrusting slowly into his hand. A low, pleased hum sounded in his throat.

“Fuck,” Erwin whispered before he could stop himself. His aching groin drowned his pride.
Beneath his desk, he unbuckled his lower harnesses and opened the fly of his pants. The first blast
of chilly air made him shiver. It felt so wrong, baring himself here, in this room that was only
meant for business.

Levi eyed him, his lips parted, cheeks dark. “You jerking yourself under there?”

“Perhaps,” Erwin said, the word catching in his throat.

“You clean enough to suck?”

The idea was so scandalous that his eyes fluttered closed, and he could only manage a throaty
“Yeah.”

Levi circled the desk. “Don’t think this means I forgive you.” He knelt between Erwin’s legs.
“You’re already hard.”

“I like watching you play with yourself.” Erwin tried to stroke Levi’s jaw, but he was so jittery that
the movement was clumsy. His eyes darted to the door. He was surprised to find himself wishing
that someone would walk in on them like this, with his partner shielded carefully from view.

Levi looked up at him, a brow raised. “What was that throb for?”

“I’m nervous about being interrupted.”

“You sure nervous is the right word?” Levi ran his tongue along him, and Erwin shuddered, caught
off guard by the heat of his mouth. “Because I’m getting the feeling you like the risk, you pervert.”
He ran his tongue along the length again, from a different angle this time. “Just think what it’d be
like if someone walked in. You’d have to act like nothing was going on, but I’m still angry, so I’d
make it as difficult for you as I could.”

Erwin’s breaths were coming in harsh blasts. “Show me how you’d make it difficult for me.”

“Only if you show me how you’d act if someone else was here.”

The fantasy was so taboo that heat flooded Erwin’s body, as if he were already on the edge of
climax. “Okay.”

Levi took him all the way into his throat, his tongue tracing patterns as he went. Erwin’s instincts
told him to arch and cry out, but he sat perfectly still, his face stoic. The forced repression was
tantalizing in ways he had never expected, his body extra sensitive now that he knew he wasn’t
allowed to react. Oh fuck. He glanced down, and Levi made eye contact, still holding him deep in
his mouth.

Erwin tried to suppress a cry; it escaped as a whimper.

Levi slid him out of his mouth. “That would have given you away. You’re terrible at this.”

“Maybe you’re just too good at that.”

“Try harder.” He paused to run his tongue around the head. “You might need to do this for real one
day.”

“Oh fuck,” Erwin gasped, dizzied by the thought. He planted his elbows on the desk and folded his
hands against his mouth, trying to stay calm. He felt a hand wrap around him, felt Levi suck harder
and begin to stroke him, and his breath escaped in a hiss. He buried his face in his hands, breathing
hard.

Levi, too busy to speak, gave a disapproving hum.

“I can’t,” Erwin whispered. “I can’t fake it. Shit.” His hands raked into his hair. If someone walked
in on them now, it would all be over, everything he had worked so hard to achieve. His body began
to shake, a combination of nerves, caffeine, and over-stimulation.

It didn’t matter how stealthy he was anymore, anyway; Levi was attacking him so zealously that
each stroke was loud and wet. Erwin pushed the chair back so he could watch him. Levi’s eyes
were wild, hair hanging in his face. His other hand worked between his own legs, so hard that the
movement was audible.

Erwin couldn’t hold back anymore. He bucked forward into Levi’s mouth, fighting to hold back his
cries; he was mostly successful, but a single squeak escaped. When the last pulse faded and he
opened his eyes again, stars swam in his vision, and he realized he had been holding his breath.

Levi pulled away, his nose wrinkling. “You taste like coffee.”

Erwin was too relaxed to feel insulted. He slid off the chair and dropped to his knees on the floor in
front of Levi, leaning forward for a kiss. He could taste himself, unpleasantly bitter, but more
important than that was the gentleness of Levi’s mouth, a warm contrast to their cold interactions a
few minutes prior.

Levi gasped and pulled away, his breaths catching. Erwin stared at the clenching chest and arm
muscles, as awed by Levi’s athletic motions as he had been at the gym the previous morning. He’s
close.

“ Shit.” Levi’s eyes closed, head tilting back.

“Let me help.” Erwin bent onto all fours and placed his mouth above Levi’s hand, sucking the tip.
He felt a hand claw into his hair, heard gasps as they began to pick up speed, moving in unison.

Then Levi breathed his name, and Erwin tasted him. He lingered for a few moments longer than
necessary, gently tracing him with his tongue. He felt safe and cozy here, tucked carefully away
behind the desk, hidden from potential prying eyes.

When he pulled away, they held each other’s gaze.

“I did need a break,” Erwin said, still angry with himself. “Levi, I didn’t mean you were
unimportant. I’m under a lot of stress right now, and—”

“I know. I was a dick, too. It’s fine.” Levi caught his jaw, drawing him in for a kiss.

They both fixed their clothes and stood. Once everything was in order, Levi leaned forward to pull
him into an embrace, but Erwin stopped him.

“We’re in full view of the door now.”

“Yeah, but I locked it when I came in.”

Erwin blinked. “You what?”

“Wait.” Levi’s head tilted. “You genuinely thought someone might walk in on us, and you went
along with it? That wasn’t just role-play?”

Heat crept across Erwin’s cheeks.

“Holy shit, you really are a pervert.” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “I’m not stupid. There’s
no way I’m going to start jerking off in your office unless the door’s locked. I don’t want to do
anything to fuck this up.”

“I got carried away.”

“Well, good thing one of us had some sense. You going to get some sleep now?”

“No, not yet. I’m running low on time.” Erwin glanced down at the proposal, his vision blurring,
and let out a low sigh.

“You need company to help you stay awake?”

“I can’t ask you to stay up for me.”

Levi shrugged. “You aren’t. I’m offering. I should go over the new recruit roster, anyway, so I can
prepare for tomorrow’s interviews in advance. Everyone else already did, and it’s getting harder to
fake it as we go.” He reached up and straightened Erwin’s collars, then adjusted his bolo tie. “Just
give me a minute to get some tea.”

“Sounds good.” Touched by his attentiveness, Erwin couldn’t resist a final kiss before they got
down to work. He tilted Levi’s jaw up with two fingers, closing his mouth over the slim lips.

Even if this isn’t as time-sensitive as the proposal, he thought, it’s every bit as important. Maybe
even more so. He could already tell that Levi was going to help keep him grounded. Balanced. But
only if I let him. His eyes were growing heavy, so he let them close. And his body is warm, and
small, and smells like lemons.

Levi broke the kiss and nudged him. “Hey. Are you falling asleep up there?”

“No.” Erwin pulled away, blinking. “But I think I’ll grab another cup of coffee, just in case.”

“I’ll make some extra tea. Couldn’t hurt for you to drink both.” Levi began to walk for the door.

“Levi, wait.”

He paused and half-turned, waiting.

“I’ll do my best to never shut you out. But if I do, I … ” He looked down, so exhausted that he
couldn’t find the right words. “I told you before that you might have to be aggressive to get through
to me, and I appreciate that you did so tonight. Don’t ever hold that back.” His throat tightened. “I
want to give you the love you deserve, and you must never settle for anything less.”
Levi eyed him for a moment longer, then nodded.

“I’m rambling.” Erwin rubbed his forehead.

“Yeah, but I get it.” Levi turned to face him. “But don’t always assume you’re the only one in the
wrong; I was a dick about the whole jerking off thing. I know you’re paranoid about treating me
like shit because you feel guilty about what went on with Henrik, but you treat me better than you
think. And if you don’t, I’ll call you on it. That’s how we’ve always worked, even before we
hooked up—hell, even before we could tolerate being around each other—so stop overthinking it.
We’re fine.”

“Okay.” Erwin smiled. “Thank you.”

“And stop thanking me all the time. I’m here for myself, you know. It’s not like I’m doing you a
favour.” Levi began to move to the door. “I’ll be back with some tea and my paperwork.”

Erwin felt a swell of fondness. If only he could take Levi to his bed and hold him close, drifting off
to sleep together … He blinked, trying not to let the warm, tempting drowsiness overcome him.
The sooner you finish this proposal, the sooner you can make that a reality.

Settling into his chair, he continued his work.

 Angles
Chapter Notes

Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I am delighted people are
reading and enjoying this story, and every comment means the world to me. :) Thank
you, also, for your patience with this longer-than-usual update.

I published this chapter in a bit of a rush, as I'll be going away with limited Internet
access. There may be more typos than usual. I'm planning to look over it again when I
get back and polish it up a bit, but I figured it wasn't worth holding off the entire
chapter for the sake of a few typos. Sorry in advance! :) I also may be slow about
replying to your comments on the last chapter. Sorry. T_T

Previous chapter: Erwin, Levi and Mike spar at the gym. Erwin and Levi find
themselves unable to wait two days for a bit of fun, so they vent a bit of pressure, but
their big intimate night must be delayed when Sahlo pressures Erwin to get the
proposal ready practically overnight. Erwin pushes himself too hard, and Levi
"convinces" him to take a break.

-17-

Angles

“Morning! How’s the proposal looking?” Hange asked, stepping into Erwin’s office.

Erwin held a finger to his lips; he pointed at the chair across from him.

Hange tiptoed forward to look, then grinned. Levi lay sideways across the chair, cradled by its
armrests like an infant being held by its mother. The roster still lay on his chest, and he was softly
snoring.

“He fell asleep about an hour before reveille,” Erwin whispered. “I didn’t have the heart to wake
him.”

“He even looks grumpy in his sleep. I wonder if he’s having grumpy little dreams.” Hange’s eyes
lit up. “Can I play a prank on him?”

“What kind of prank, exactly?”

“If I clap really loudly behind his head—”

“That sounds like a good way to get punched in the throat. Let him sleep.” Erwin motioned to an
empty chair, keeping his voice to a whisper. “The first draft of the proposal is complete. If you and
Nifa have a little time to give me feedback, I’d be grateful.” He carefully straightened the stack of
papers, his hands trembling.

“We’ll handle it, sir,” Hange said, eyes locked on his hands. “You should get some sleep.”

“I think my heart is pumping pure coffee at this point. Besides, we have to continue the squad
selection interviews.”

“Or instead,” Hange said, raising a finger, “we could postpone the interviews by a day so I could
dedicate all my time to your revisions, and you could get some sleep to get your head on straight. It
looks like Levi could use some sleep, too. He seems a bit sleep-deprived lately.”

Erwin thought of the nightmares, the late-night talks, the physical exertion in the bedroom. “Very
well. Tell Mike and Berit they have the day to work on personal training, or perhaps observe the
new recruits in the training grounds. I’ll meet you back here around three o’clock.”

Hange was already flipping through the proposal. “Better make it two. I see a lot of spelling
mistakes already.”

His temples throbbed, and he swallowed back a wave of defensiveness, forcing humility in its
place. “Given the speed with which it was written, I expect you’ll find the occasional rambling off
topic and logical flaws as well. Thank you, Hange.” He stood and studied Levi.

“He seems pretty dead to the world.” Hange nudged Levi with a fingertip. He stirred, but didn’t
open his eyes. “You could probably carry him.”

Erwin couldn’t tell if the light tone was due to hope or mischief. His gaze slid to Hange’s face. Is
that an ‘I want you to be a couple’ expression, or ‘I know exactly what’s going on here’?

He knelt down and shook Levi’s shoulder. “Levi.”

His eyelids parted. “What time is it?” he asked, his voice groggy.

“About half an hour past reveille. Thank you for your company. You have the day off to
recuperate.”

Levi blinked, slowly swinging his legs around so his feet touched the floor. “Did you finish your
proposal?”

“Yes. Hange will be scouring it with Nifa so they can give me some feedback.”

“Already on it,” Hange said, making a note on the page.

“Come on, I’ll walk you to your room.” Erwin rose to his feet.

Levi yawned and stretched, then stood. “I don’t need to sleep more.”

“I want you to rest, Levi. That’s an order. You’ve been pushing almost as hard as I have, and I need
you fresh for your squad selection.” He gripped his shoulder and began to steer him toward the
door.

“Goodnight, Levi,” Hange called in a sing-song tone, as if talking to an infant.

“Shut up, shitglasses,” Levi muttered, not even looking back.

As the pair stepped into the hallway, Levi rubbed his eyes. “Why’d you let me fall asleep? I told
you I was going to stay up with you.”

“And you did, right up until the end, and that allowed me to stay focused. Thank you.” They
stepped into Levi’s room; Erwin closed the door behind them.

“Closing the door?” Levi said. “Are you planning to throw me against the wall again? Because as
hot as that is, my dick is still sleeping.”

“I’m just here to drop you off.” Now that Erwin was away from his desk, fatigue was starting to
settle over him, so heavy that he slumped against the wall. The bed looked so soft, so inviting.

“I can’t tell which of your eyes is the black eye anymore, they’re so dark,” Levi said, following his
gaze. “You need to sleep, too.”

“I suppose I should return to my own room in case I oversleep my appointment and Hange comes
looking for me.” He found himself unwilling to sleep alone. “Unless you’re confident you can
wake us up before two.”

“I can, but is it a good idea to sleep together?”

Erwin stifled a yawn. Maybe it was the fatigue dulling his logic, but he didn’t really care anymore
if it was a good idea or not. “Your door has a lock.” The words reminded him of their secret
encounter in his office the night before, and his cheeks warmed. Levi’s cheeks darkened, too, but
he turned and locked the door without a word.

They crawled under the covers, Erwin spooning behind Levi. He ran a hand down Levi’s
abdomen, enjoying the softness of his body hair, the grooves of his stomach muscles. He ran his
fingers over the waistband of the pyjama bottoms. “You should take these off.”

“I told you, I’m too tired for sex.”

“I won’t try anything. I just want to feel the warmth of your bare skin against mine.” He buried his
nose in the line that ran vertically down the back of Levi’s neck muscles; he had seen this
anatomical feature on others from time to time, but never this closely. He could feel the velvety
hair of Levi’s undercut rubbing against his brows and forehead. “How is it that a man so hard and
tightly built feels so soft?”

Levi turned his head, as if trying to look back at him. “If I take off my pants, will you shut up and
let me sleep?”

Erwin gave a soft chuckle. “I make no promises.”

“Ah well, they’re too warm, anyway.” Levi reached under the covers and pulled off his pants,
folded them, and set them on the side table. Erwin did the same, then spooned behind him again.
This time Levi’s skin, soft and surprisingly cool, pressed against his. Erwin let out a contented
hum.

“You’re glowing like a damned cook stove.” Levi inched back against him.

“Must be from all the coffee.” His body was responding to the naked warmth pressed against him,
but his eyes had slipped closed, and he found himself unable to open them again. He pressed his
palm to the centre of Levi’s chest, and he felt a hand close over his, fingers interlacing.

“Okay, maybe this is nicer without all that fabric between us,” Levi said.

Erwin tried to respond, but in spite of all the caffeine, he was fading. He let himself fall back into
darkness, warm and content.

Levi awoke to the sound of the lunch bell. Erwin’s embrace, which had been warm and silky
before, was hot and damp with sweat. He winced and extracted himself from the strong grasp, then
sat up.

“Levi?” Erwin mumbled, squinting up at him.

Levi smoothed the blond hair back from his forehead. “You’ve still got an hour or two. Go back to
sleep.”

Erwin blinked. “You’ll wake me up?”

“Yeah.” He traced a line down the sharp nose. By the time he reached the tip, Erwin was asleep
again.

For several minutes, Levi watched him, memorizing small details: the tiny flare of his upper lip,
the slight puff of jowl above his jaw line, the gradient between the dark blond of his undercut and
the pale blond top. Was the top naturally sun-bleached, or did he use something to help it along? At
first, the idea seemed too vain, but then he remembered the way Erwin was fussing over his
eyebrows before the gala. Can’t say I blame him. If I were that pretty, I’d probably fuss over my
appearance, too.

His eyes traced lower, finding a small scar under Erwin’s jaw, another across his collarbone. Scars
were an occupational hazard, and Levi had never really paid attention to Erwin’s. Part of it was
willful ignorance: he knew better than anyone that some scars had deep emotional components, so
they shouldn’t be acknowledged.

He would have loved to lift the covers and study every part of Erwin’s body in detail, but his
stomach was growling. Reluctantly, he tore himself away and pulled on his uniform. He paused by
the door to look back at Erwin, his heart singing. I’m getting so fucking sentimental.

Berit was in line at the mess hall, holding two trays. He fell into place behind her, taking two trays
as well.

“For the Commander?” she asked, nodding at his second tray.

“Yeah.”

“How’s he doing?”

Levi shrugged. “Dead to the world, hopefully.”

“Hange’s still looking through the proposal. Asked me to grab an extra lunch and come back to
give my opinion on a few paragraphs.” Berit accepted two bowls of stew, then reached for some
bread. “Apparently, it’s looking pretty good, all things considered.”

I wonder if “all things considered” will be enough, Levi thought, but he didn’t reply.

“So, what did you two do to get that Lord on our side, exactly?” Berit asked. “I read the letter. He
seemed kind of bitter.”

“Erwin is very convincing.”

“Convincing enough that this new alliance won’t backfire?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “If you’re trying to hint that Erwin isn’t trustworthy, Bershit, I’m the wrong
person to talk to.”
“‘Bershit?’” she repeated. “Come on, Levi, you can do better than that. And of course I trust him. I
just worry that he might be pushing too hard, too soon. You know how ambitious he is. You saw
how stressed he was yesterday; that’s not sustainable. If he cracks or burns out, we all go under.”

Levi studied her. “Why the hell are you telling me this?”

“Because someone needs to tell him that the proposal is too aggressive. Four weeks is too soon for
an expedition with all-new squads, especially such a major expedition. We need at least six weeks
to train for an expedition of this size, maybe even eight.” She leaned closer. “Look, I see the way
you two interact. You have a good rapport. Of any of us, you have the best chance of getting
through to him about this. Hange would leave on an expedition tomorrow if given the chance, so
that’s no help. Mike’s too passive, so he’s just going to default to Erwin’s judgement. But I’ve seen
you openly question him before, and I’ve seen him take your words into account.”

“Do it yourself.” Realizing they were holding up the line, Levi gathered two lunches, then stepped
to the side. “He’s made it clear he wants anyone to question him if they think he’s making a poor
decision.”

“Yeah, he’d probably listen to me, but this is too important for ‘probably.’” Berit’s eyes searched
his. “Please. For the good of the Corps, at least mention it to him.”

Levi knew Erwin had considered all angles. If they were setting out at four weeks, there was a
good reason for it. Still, he had insisted that all concerns be brought directly to him, and Berit
usually had reliable instincts. How would he want me to approach this?

“ Fine, I’ll mention it,” he said. “But you’re just wasting my time. He has a good reason. We just
can’t see it yet.”

Berit smiled. “Thank you, Levi.”

Without replying, he turned and marched from the hall.

Making sure the hallway was empty, he brought both trays to his bedroom. Erwin hadn’t moved,
so Levi set his tray on the bedside table, then settled into a chair and ate. After that, he took a chilly
bath, then spent some time tidying up his room.

When the town clock struck one o’clock, he stopped his work. Erwin had shifted onto his other
side, facing away from him. Levi couldn’t resist crawling into bed behind him, forcing an arm
underneath him so he could wrap his arms around him.

Erwin shifted back against him. “Is it time?”

“You’ve got an hour.”

“I should start preparing for my trip tonight.” He gave a long, low sigh. “ … and my meeting with
my sister.”

Levi pressed closer against his back, gently biting his ear. “If you want, I can go alone and tell her
to screw off.”

“No, I need to stop putting it off.” Erwin pulled his ear free; Levi leaned even closer, biting it
again. “Feeling a bit frisky, Levi?”

“Frisky? You make me sound like an animal.”

“You’re the one gnawing on me.” Erwin rolled to face him, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Don’t
worry; I’ve set aside some personal time for the two of us a bit later this evening. Would you like
to hear my schedule?”

“Your pillow talk gets sexier every day.” Levi kissed down his nose, then grasped the tip between
his teeth.

Erwin pulled away, pressing a hand to his chest to hold him at a distance. “First, I’ll get ready—”

“And eat lunch. Might be a bit cold.” Levi motioned to the tray on the side table, and Erwin
smiled.

“Thank you for that. Once I’m finished preparing and eating, I’ll meet with Hange and Nifa to go
over the proposal. I’ll work on revisions until nearly five o’clock; at that point, you and I will head
to my private residence to meet with my sister. After we’ve dealt with her, you and I will stay there
to share in some private time before I return here to finish any last-minute revisions.”

Levi felt his body stir. “Have you planned out that private time in detail, too?”

“I have some ideas. We didn’t get our climactic night together after abstaining—well, somewhat
abstaining—for those two days, so I’d like to do something special for you.” Erwin leaned forward
for a kiss; Levi bit his bottom lip.

“Like what?” he asked, their mouths still touching.

“You’ll see. If you’re going to keep chewing on me, I can think of one activity that will definitely
be off the table.” Erwin tilted his head and slowly bit lengthwise along Levi’s lips.

“I’ll be good.” Levi slid lower, closing his teeth over the strong chin, then pulled away as he
remembered: “Berit thinks four weeks is too soon for the expedition.”

Erwin gently pushed him away to look at him. “What was that?”

“Berit. She thinks it’s too soon with new squads. I told her you had a good reason. Do you?”

“Of course. Think about how we handled Sahlo; I’m counting on his fear to hold him at bay until
we start lining his pockets. What do you think will happen if he has time to sit around thinking
about the deal I’ve offered him? We need to get moving while we still hold the power balance, and
four weeks is the absolute earliest we can get our squads mobilized.” He paused. “At any rate,
we’ll be spending the first part of the expedition training the new squads to follow formation, so
it’s not as if they’ll head into dangerous territory untrained. Is that enough information?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell Berit not to worry.”

“Thank you. And please tell her she’s welcome to raise these concerns with me directly.” Erwin
kissed his forehead, then lingered; Levi felt a long intake of breath across his skin. “I suppose I
should start getting ready for my trip. The Capital won’t be the same without you.”

“It’s just a day or two,” Levi said, embarrassed by how anxious he was about their upcoming
separation. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

“And I’m glad for it.” Erwin pulled away and sat up. “Why don’t I meet you at four-thirty in my
office? Bring your gear, but don’t bother putting it on yet. You have the day to do whatever you’d
like until then. I recommend taking some time to scout some of the potential squad members—the
new recruits will be training in the yard today.”
“Sure.” Levi slid out of bed and straightened his uniform. “Send for me if you need anything.”

They exchanged a long kiss, then Levi turned to leave, his cheeks glowing.

A few minutes later, he settled into a seat in the yard next to Mike and Berit. She raised a brow at
him. “Well?”

“I stand by Erwin’s decision. You have a problem with it, talk to him.”

“His logic is sound?”

“Yes.”

Mike shot them a quizzical look, but Levi didn’t bother to explain. Instead, he focused on the new
recruits as they ran through their training exercises. Berit was carefully taking notes, and even
Mike jotted a couple words here and there, but Levi committed the names to memory.

Watching the new recruits ended up passing the time far more quickly than he expected. When he
finally remembered to look up at the clock tower, he saw that he only had fifteen minutes until his
meeting with Erwin. He cursed and hurried to his room to retrieve his gear case.

When he arrived at Erwin’s office, Erwin was focused on a document, flanked by Hange and a
teenage girl with wide eyes. The three of them looked up as he approached.

“How’s it going?” Levi fell into a chair, casually crossing his legs.

“It should be workable.” Erwin didn’t sound convinced.

“It’s fine. You’ve just been looking at it too long,” Hange said. “Another hour to polish the last few
issues, and it’ll be indistinguishable from one you spent two weeks on.”

“I hope you’re right.” Erwin stood. “Is it about time for our meeting with the investors, Levi?”

The description surprised him, but he didn’t miss a beat: “Yeah. Don’t want to keep those assholes
waiting.”

“Certainly not. Let me stop by my room to get my coat. Thank you both for your help.” Erwin
nodded a goodbye to Hange and Nifa, then strode to the door. Levi fell into step behind him.

Erwin pulled his gear case out from under his bed, then dressed in a long, dark coat, the Survey
Corps logo on its breast and shoulders. He paused in front of his mirror, dampening two fingers and
running them along his eyebrows.

Reminded of his vanity, Levi said, “Your hair—” He cut himself off.

“Yes?” Erwin pulled away from the mirror, then they left his room.

“It’s so much blonder on top.”

Erwin cleared his throat. At first, it seemed like he wasn’t going to answer, but once they were
outside the base, he said quietly, “I comb bleach into it every now and then, and I suppose the sun
has the most effect on the top layer.”

“Really? You bleach your hair?”

“I was very blond as a youth. Everyone around me constantly commented how I took after my
father, and how I had such beautiful pale hair. I suppose I absorbed that into my personal identity.
It darkened as I got older, so I tried to maintain it.”

“Maybe I should do the same,” Levi said dryly.

“It would probably go orange.” Erwin glanced at him. “Besides, you have such lovely hair. I’ve
never seen hair that dark. It always reflects the light.”

The compliment caught Levi off guard, and his cheeks glowed. “Yeah, yours isn’t bad, either.”

As they approached the apartment, Levi began to scan their surroundings in case Erwin’s sister’s
pleas were setting up an ambush. “I don’t see anything suspicious.”

“No, but then, we’re early.” Erwin glanced around, then moved to the door and pulled out a key.
“Once we’re inside,” he said quietly, “put on your gear. I want you observing the door from a high
vantage point, in case she brings anyone with her. Once she enters, drop down and join us.”

“Okay.”

The door creaked open, letting a small strip of light into the dark room. Once they were both
inside, Erwin closed the door and sparked the lamp to life.

A grey cloaked figure sat on the bed.

“Shit!” Levi pulled out a knife and dove at the figure; it blocked his knife-hand. His weapon
clattered to the floor. Undeterred, he grabbed the figure in a choke hold.

“Release me,” a woman’s voice said from under the hood. She struggled, her movements clearly
practiced, but Levi was stronger.

Erwin stepped forward. Backlit by the dim lamp, he seemed to loom over them, but in spite of his
intimidating appearance, his voice was frail: “Helena?”

“Release me!”

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly. An order.

“She broke in,” he replied, but he released her and stepped back.

The woman stood tall in the centre of the room, lowering her hood with a slow, dignified
movement. Erwin turned up the lamp at the same time, and the combined effect was intimidating,
as if her visage were lighting up the room.

Eyes locked on her, Levi backed toward his knife and crouched to pick it up. She was tall, nearly as
tall as her brother, broad-shouldered and busty. Her pale blond hair was pulled back in a tight
ponytail. Her face was like Erwin’s, but rounder, more feminine; the sharp nose was shorter, the
cheekbones softer, the brows thin. Her eyes were every bit as intense, and they were fixated on her
brother.

For a moment, her expression wavered. “Holy Sina, you look so much like Papa.”

“I thought you didn’t remember him.” Erwin’s voice was so unnaturally calm that Levi knew he
was hiding his true emotions. His head tilted, almost imperceptibly. “Or have memories started
returning, the way they did for me? Is that why you’re so desperate to talk to me?”

She blinked, and then her eyes narrowed. She nodded in Levi’s direction without actually looking
at him. “Why did you bring a bodyguard? I told you to come alone.”

“And I told you never to contact me here, and look how that turned out.”

Levi felt as if hundreds of insect feet were crawling across his skin. He shrank back against the
desk, regretting his offer to attend such a personal meeting.

As if sensing his discomfort, Erwin turned to him. “Levi, allow me to introduce my younger sister,
Helena Smith.”

“No.” Her icy eyes fixed on Levi. “That’s not my name, not anymore. I’m Tessa Kohl, and you,
little man, have no place in this conversation.”

His brows dropped, and he opened his mouth to reply, but Erwin spoke first:

“Anything you have to say to me will be heard by both of us. That’s non-negotiable.”

Tessa-not-Helena’s eyes held Levi’s for a moment longer, then she looked away. “Fine.” She sat
on the bed again. “I’m getting married. Mama wants you there.”

Erwin’s brows rose. “That’s what was so urgent?”

“Maybe you didn’t have the decency to invite me to your wedding, Erwin, but I’m more gracious
than you. You’re invited. Bring your wife.”

“Wife?” Levi repeated, his eyes shifting to Erwin. For a moment, his stomach quivered, but then he
saw the furrowed line above Erwin’s brow. He’s just as confused as I am.

Tessa’s eyes darted between them, the same furrowed line appearing on her forehead. “When you
were in Mitras, the room was registered to you and an L Smith.”

After a long silence, a smile spread across Erwin’s lips. “I see what happened. Levi has no
surname, so the concierge must have recorded our names as ‘L & E Smith.’” He cast an amused
look at Levi. “Should we start picking out china patterns?”

The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t mock me.”

“I’m not married, Helena—”

“Tessa.”

“—and I doubt you really want me at your wedding, so I’ll save you the stress and the expense. I
won’t attend. If that’s all you came for, you have your answer.” He stood and reached for the
doorknob, as if preparing to let her out.

Her arms folded over her chest, and she stared him down.

Levi felt anger rise within him, hot and prickly. He wasn’t kidding when he said she was stubborn.
He wondered how they would react if he grabbed her by the scruff of the collar and threw her out
the door.

“Was there something else?” Erwin said, exasperation in his voice.

“It’s not all I came for, and you know it.” She gave an uneasy glance at Levi, then leaned closer to
her brother, her voice lowering. “I came here to warn you. Right now, you’re poised to be the
biggest threat to the sanctity of these walls, and it’s attracting attention. Your repeated attempts to
break free from this holy sanctuary are pissing off the wrong people. We can keep you safe; you
just have to come back to us.”

“If I’m pissing off the wrong people from your perspective, then that only reinforces to me that I’m
on the right path.”

Her eyes glistened. “You don’t understand what you’re dealing with.”

“So help me understand. Explain it to me.”

She looked down. “I can’t. If you come back to us, maybe I can. Trust me, Erwin. Your Survey
Corps can’t save you from yourself. Only we can.”

They were silent. Levi’s heart beat in his throat as he tried to make sense of the conversation.

Erwin’s hand gripped the doorknob. “I’m glad to hear you’ve changed your name again, Tessa
Kohl, and I hope Ma did as well, because it severs my last link to you both. For your sake and for
mine, it’s best if the world thinks I have no family. I will never change my path, and even if I did, it
certainly wouldn’t be to ally with the Wallists. You have no brother. I have no sister.” He opened
the door. “Do not contact me again.”

Their eyes held, then she stood. Once she reached the door, she paused.

“I mostly came because Mama still loves you.” She stared straight ahead. “She cries for you every
night. I told her you had become too cold to care, that your manic ambition had crushed every drop
of love from your heart, but she refused to acknowledge what you had become.”

Rage welled within Levi, and he couldn’t stay silent anymore. “You selfish little shit! I’ve seen this
man work himself half to death out of love for humanity. The only reason he stopped caring about
you—”

“Levi,” Erwin warned, but anger was rushing out of him like water from a tap.

“—is because his love for humanity is so fucking huge that he’s sacrificed everything he is so that
he can fight for our freedom. You and your ilk huddle inside your little churches, doing your best to
ensure we stay trapped and starving, protecting your own interests. So you popped out of the same
vagina, you shared a few chess games as kids—who cares? People like Erwin think bigger than
that. His love is on such an enormous scale that self-absorbed little Wallfuckers can’t possibly
comprehend it.” His body was shaking.

Tessa’s eyes shifted to him, ice blue. “You don’t know a thing about me, little man, and it’s clear
you don’t know a thing about my brother. I pity you.”

Levi bared his teeth. “If I ever— ever— see you near him again—”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “The next time I see him, he’ll have put himself in a coffin.” For a
moment, her mask cracked, and the look she gave her brother was one of anguish.

She turned away and strode through the door without looking back.

Erwin closed it behind her, then slumped, his forehead pressed against the wood.

Levi was still trembling. “That arrogant shit head! How dare she—”

“Levi.” Erwin pulled away from the door, his face still impassive. “It ended the way it needed to
end. We aren’t going to discuss it any further.”

His eyes were so distant that Levi’s heart twisted. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I said we weren’t going to discuss it.” There was that tone again, the one he had used when Levi
had teased him for his religious curse a few days back—and there was that same feeling, that cold
hollow in his chest, the one that had resonated when Nile had warned him of Erwin’s selfishness,
when Tessa had said those words: too cold to care.

His jaw quivered. Do I actually know this man? Will I ever?

After a moment, Erwin’s face softened, and he gave a smile. “Are you hungry? I have an activity in
mind that might take some time, but if you need to eat first … ” He trailed off, and the smile faded.
“If you’re still interested in that sort of thing, after all you just witnessed.”

Though Levi’s chest was still hollow, he forced himself to step forward and wrap his arms around
Erwin. After a moment, Erwin hugged him back, his too-tight grip more honest than his expression
or his words.

“I can’t breathe,” Levi complained.

“I’m sorry. You’re so protective of me, Levi, and I’m not sure I deserve it.”

“We weren’t going to talk about it.” The ice between them was melting, and Levi nuzzled his
cheek in the gap between the broad chest muscles. “What’s this activity you have in mind?”

“It’s a surprise. I just need a couple minutes in the bathroom to prepare.” Erwin pulled back; he
lightly traced Levi’s cheekbone with his fingertips, the movement coming to a rest on his bottom
lip. “Levi—”

“It’s fine.” He kissed the fingers. “We’ll take your mind off everything. Go do whatever you need
to do.”

While Erwin was in the bathroom, Levi began to wander around the room, exploring. The
wardrobe was full of Erwin’s old clothes; mostly collared shirts, a couple suits, and a few casual
outfits. The majority of the clothing would fit Levi well, and he fingered a green hooded shirt,
wondering if Erwin would let him take some of this. Or would Mike recognize it from their
training days?

The bookshelves behind the desk were alphabetized by category, aside from a few books that had
been pulled out and set aside. A thin layer of dust coated the shelves, and Levi looked around for a
dusting rag. He found a feather duster in the corner of the wardrobe. It wasn’t his preferred
cleaning method, as it seemed to kick up the dust rather than actually wipe it away, but he gave the
bookshelves a quick dusting anyway. Once that was done, he began to dust and tidy the desk.

The bathroom door opened. Levi looked up, and the feather duster began to slip from his fingers.
He fumbled it a few times before it fell to the floor.

“Everything all right, Levi?” Erwin stood in the bathroom doorway, naked except for his 3DMG
harnesses and gear, his boots and his Commander’s pendant. The harnesses fit a bit looser without
his clothing underneath them, straining with the weight of his gear.
Levi opened his mouth to speak, but his mouth was too dry, and all that would come out was a
squeak. He closed his mouth.

“Too much?” Erwin said, his face glowing pink. “I know you said you liked imagining me in this
outfit, so I thought I’d try it out for you.”

Levi’s heart thudded in his ears. “No, it’s— I— ” He was floundering. No other words would
come.

Erwin stepped into the room and closed the bathroom door. “I know you didn’t picture the gear,
but I had an idea. You can say no, if you aren’t interested. Our weight and height difference makes
it impossible for you to take me standing up, but if we use the gear … ” He triggered the gear,
slamming the anchors at diagonals into a wooden crossbeam of the ceiling. Slowly, he retracted the
wires, until he was hanging from the ceiling as if on a swing. “We can adjust it so the height is
perfect for you to stay on your feet.”

Levi began to tremble.

“Is it too strange?” Erwin’s face was deep red now, almost purple.

Still unable to speak, Levi shook his head. His eyes trailed Erwin’s body, its perfect lines accented
by the gear straps. So beautiful. So fucking beautiful. He shrank against the bookshelf.

Erwin’s voice softened: “Why don’t you come over here?”

Levi’s hands balled into fists. He slowly crossed the room, then stood in front of the suspended
man, staring at him. “I don’t— I’ve forgotten what to do.”

“Start with a kiss.” Erwin leaned forward, the movement setting his body into a light swing. He
lifted one of Levi’s hands, placing it alongside his jaw, then waited.

Forcing himself past his shyness, Levi leaned forward. Their lips skimmed. He pulled back and
stared at the placid gaze, the drooping eyelids. This beautiful man, he thought, leaning forward
again. He’s doing this for me. All for me. He groaned into another kiss, pressing more firmly this
time.

Slowly, tentatively, Erwin’s arms brushed the side of his body, then wrapped around him, pulling
him in. Their kiss deepened, low moans passing between them. Levi’s fingers skated down Erwin’s
back, feeling the leather harness, bare skin, the fuzz of his ass. It was unbelievable, months of
fantasy come to life. The kiss broke as he rested his forehead against Erwin’s, breathing in.

“This can’t be real,” he whispered, unaware the words were forming until they had already slipped
from his mouth.

“This is real, just like the heat that’s glowing between our bodies.” Erwin laid his hands on either
side of Levi’s face. “Like that beautiful, tortured expression on your face. Like the fabric of your
pants straining and twitching, before I’ve even touched you. This is real, and it’s all for you, Levi.
Whatever you want from me is yours.”

“Fuck, look at you.” Levi pulled away to look him up and down, lightheaded. “Holy shit, Erwin,
look at you .” He lunged forward, kissing him so hard that he felt teeth dig into his lips. All four
limbs wrapped around him this time, and he could feel the weightlessness of Erwin’s body, the
twisting counter-motion of each movement. He ran his fingers down Erwin’s back, feeling the
subtly shifting core muscles that held him upright. His hand slid down to the tailbone, then lower.
He tore his mouth away. “Lube?”

“Inner jacket pocket.” Erwin was breathing hard.

Levi pushed away, leaving his Commander gently swinging, as he hurried to the bathroom. The
jacket hung on the back of the door. His hands were so clumsy that it took several tries to unzip the
inside pocket. At last, his fingers curled around the small bottle. He took a deep breath, then
stepped toward the door.

Erwin’s eyes met his. His arms were raised above his head, gripping the wires in a casual pose.
Levi studied the muscled arms, his gaze tracing the triceps into his armpit, across his chest, down
his abdomen.

“You’re already hard,” he said, trying to sound casual.

“Because I’m enjoying how you’re reacting to this so far.”

Levi set the lubricant on the floor next to Erwin, then walked over to the far wall. He pulled off his
jacket and laid it neatly on the dresser. His hands rose to his throat, and he began to untie his cravat
—he didn’t put much thought into it, at first, but then he noticed Erwin watching him. He slowly
slid the cravat off his neck, letting his head loll a little. Erwin’s lips parted a crack.

Levi slowly unbuckled his 3DMG, not bothering to disassemble it properly, and let the harnesses
slide off his shoulders and hips. He set the entire apparatus neatly against the wall, his boots beside
it, then turned his back and began to unbutton his shirt. When he lifted his half-buttoned shirt over
his head, purposefully showcasing his back muscles, he heard a sharp intake of breath behind him.
He looked back over his shoulder.

Erwin was still slowly swinging on the wires, arms over his head, but now his knuckles were
white. His head was tilted, and he looked down his nose at Levi, as if scrutinizing him; it might
have been insulting if he hadn’t worn such an awed expression.

Fuck, that’s hot. Somehow, he was managing to look seductive and seduced all at once. Levi
studied him for several seconds, committing the image to memory.

Remembering himself, he removed his pants and everything beneath them in one movement. He
dropped them sloppily on the dresser, too impatient to fold them.

Then, he marched up to Erwin, caught his face with both hands, and pulled him in for a kiss.

Once again, he found himself torn between violence and tenderness. A part of him wanted to take
Erwin hard, but the other wanted to linger, to let his body communicate the words he was still too
shy to say. After the aggression of their encounter in Erwin’s office the night before, he was
leaning more towards being gentle. He began to kiss along Erwin’s neck, connecting each kiss with
his tongue, and he heard a low hum in response.

Erwin’s hand fell between their bodies, wrapping around both of them and slowly pumping. The
heat, the intimacy, and the motion were overwhelming, and Levi took a shuddering breath. It felt
amazing, but he had something else in mind.

“Your ass is clean?”

“Of course.” Erwin bent forward and gently nipped at his lower lip.

“Good.” Levi eased Erwin’s hand aside and began to kiss a line down his chest, then across his
hip. The bulk of the 3DMG got in his way, so he paused his attention to walk around to his back.
He had planned to kneel down behind him, but he paused.

“If you’re strapped in, then I can do this.” He grabbed the straps on the back of Erwin’s thighs and
lifted his ass to face level.

Erwin gave a surprised gasp as his front end tipped. His palms slapped against the floor, supporting
his upper body.

“You okay?” Levi hoisted a thigh over each shoulder.

The only response was a whispered, “Shit.”

Levi buried his face between the round muscles, taking a deep breath. The idea of doing this act
creeped him out if he thought about it too much, but that first breath always changed his mind.
There was a powerful concentration of pheromones here that tapped into a deep, animal side of
himself, filling him with desire, leaving no room for hesitation. His hands curled into the muscled
flesh, pulling it apart, his face pressing deeper.

At the first touch of his tongue, Erwin cried out, a powerful contraction waving through his
muscles. Levi grunted and pushed closer. That’s it. Be loud for me.

For several minutes, he let his ears guide him, listening for the little gasps and moans leaving
Erwin’s lips. When he began to hear whispered curses, he knew it was time to press deeper with
his tongue. He leaned into it, feeling Erwin begin to writhe, but the suspension gave him no
traction. Levi easily held him in place.

The realization dawned on Levi out of nowhere, his eyes snapping open: he can’t see my face from
this position.

He remembered Erwin’s breakdown in this room, not too long ago. Was he better off interrupting
their momentum to suggest they change position? Or should he wait until Erwin spoke up? It
wasn’t as if they had seen each other’s faces the night before, when Levi had been under the desk.
Maybe he doesn’t need to anymore?

Erwin groaned and bucked up against his face, and Levi’s eyes fluttered closed. He pulled back far
enough to say,

“Say my name.”

He meant it as a way to check in on Erwin, to make sure he wasn’t confused, or falling into past
memories, but when his strangled name left Erwin’s lips, Levi’s head spun.

“Again,” he said, for selfish reasons this time.

“Oh fuck,” Erwin gasped, his voice rising in pitch. “Levi.”

He had heard his name thousands upon thousands of times in his life, and it had never sounded as
good as it did in that moment. He buried his face into the warm flesh, probing aggressively with his
tongue, swept away by the sound. The way he said my name, oh fuck. He’s dressed only in his gear
and his ass is in my face and he’s crying my name.

“ Fuck!” Levi tore his face away and squatted down, fumbling for the lubricant. I need to be inside
him. His hand closed over the bottle.
He pulled Erwin’s thighs off his shoulders, setting him upright. He coated two fingers with the
liquid, then traced the same circle his tongue had been making moments earlier. Stepping in close,
he began to kiss the back of Erwin’s neck.

“Go in,” Erwin breathed.

Levi slid one finger inside him, and he felt a shudder ripple through the broad back. He’s sensitive
today. His free arm wrapped around Erwin’s waist, holding him in place.

Erwin’s hips tilted back. “Another.”

Levi complied, then pressed deeper. He knew he had found the right spot when Erwin’s entire
body went rigid, and he breathed, “Motherfucking Sina.” This time, he didn’t seem to notice the
religious curse, and Levi didn’t dare bring attention to it.

After a few minutes of teasing, Erwin seemed to have lost the ability to speak altogether, and Levi
was confident he was ready. He pulled away and found a handkerchief from the drawer, using it to
wipe his fingers. For good measure, he dumped some lubricant into his palm and began to coat
himself with it, circling around to Erwin’s front. Erwin’s face was red, his eyes opened a crack, his
mouth slack and panting. Levi leaned in to press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“Put your knees on my shoulders.”

Erwin complied, his movements sluggish. Levi helped him into place, gauging the angle.

“Lengthen the wires by about two, three centimeters.”

Erwin nodded, adjusting the gear. Once their heights were aligned, Levi began to press into him.

He was almost to the hilt, when Erwin suddenly cried out. His head tossed back, his spine arching.
On reflex, Levi’s hand snapped out and caught him by the strap across his chest, saving him from
pitching right back into the floor.

“Erwin?”

“The angle,” Erwin gasped.

“You mean this angle?” Levi slowly pulled out again, then pushed in, and received another cry in
response. “Does that feel good?”

“Yes, it—” Erwin covered his face with his hands as Levi gave another slow thrust. “Fuck!”

Every hair on Levi’s body stood on end, his skin burning. He ached to push harder, but these
reactions were worth milking. He moved so slowly that he ached, relishing the cry near the end of
each stroke.

“Faster.” Erwin’s voice was strained.

“No, I think I’m going to keep it slow.” Still holding him upright with one hand, Levi ran the other
one down Erwin’s body, carefully skirting any areas that might get him closer to release. His
temples were tight, his ears ringing, as he struggled against his urge to pick up speed.

Erwin groaned, his hand reaching between his legs, but Levi knocked it away.

“I’m close.” The tone was desperate, almost begging.

“I can see that.” Levi slowed his thrusts even more. “Look at me, Erwin.”

“I can’t.”

“I want to see your face.”

“I can’t, I—” The word was swallowed by a groan, his back arching even more.

Levi gripped the bolo tie, tugging on it. “Lift your head and I’ll go faster.”

With a deep, shuddering groan, Erwin lifted his head. His brows formed a peak, his lips flared in an
‘O’, and his eyes were unfocused.

“Holy shit,” Levi whispered, and he found himself thrusting faster.

“Oh fuck.” Erwin reached for his groin again, but Levi, once again, knocked his hand away.

“Levi, please, I need to come.” For all his size and muscle, he seemed small, helpless, and Levi felt
his eyes roll toward the back of his head. He grunted, fighting to stay in control. Look how
vulnerable he’ll be for you. Look how much he trusts you, loves you.

“ Levi!” Erwin began to counter-thrust against the air, his head tilting back again. “Oh shit, I’m
going to come.”

Levi’s eyes flew open. “Really?”

“Shit!” Erwin’s body went rigid, his knees squeezing Levi’s neck, his chest and abdomen
tightening. A shudder rippled through him, his cries escalating, and for the first time, Levi watched
his body orgasm unhindered, no hand or mouth in the way. The sight was so beautiful that the
moment it ended, Levi fell forward, pressing his mouth to the damp flesh of Erwin’s abdomen.

“Oh fuck, Erwin.” He wasn’t close to orgasm yet, but he felt a shiver ripple through him anyway, a
single sympathy wave.

For a moment, they were still. Levi experimentally gave another thrust, and this time, the shudder
that rippled through Erwin wasn’t a pleasant one.

“Too sensitive?” Levi kissed a nipple.

“Shit.” Erwin lifted his head, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I could
orgasm without being touched.”

“You’re apologizing? That was hot as hell. Fuck.”

“But you didn’t come.” Erwin ran a knuckle along his jaw.

“There are other ways to get me off. You could fuck me with your fingers.”

Erwin looked up at him, eyes wide, and Levi didn’t blame him. The words had surprised him, too.
Where did that come from? He had cleaned himself carefully just in case, but he hadn’t expected to
want to act on it.

“Look,” he said, shrugging it off, “you just made yourself completely vulnerable to me and let me
do something I’ve always wanted to do, so I’ll do the same to you. That’s all there is to it.” His
mind was spinning around the idea: Erwin’s fingers inside me, his gaze on me, teasing me, waiting.
Why does that idea seem so hot right now?
But then again, a lot of things were hot right now that shouldn’t be, like the mess on their
abdomens, the sweat trailing down Erwin’s temple. He felt as if he were drunk, all his inhibitions
stripped away. Hell, it wasn’t even bothering him that his pants were crumpled on the dresser. He
pulled out.

“Where do you want to do this?” Erwin asked.

“On the bed.”

“Then I should disengage.” Erwin pressed his feet to the ground and stood, then retracted the gear
anchors. The instant he was no longer supported, his legs buckled.

“Easy there.” Levi caught him and held him up.

“Bit weak in the knees.”

Was that just post-orgasm weakness, or a result of pushing too hard on the proposal? Levi felt a
flicker of worry, and tried to cover it: “Guess I fucked you too hard.”

“Just hard enough, I’d say.” Erwin pulled away, still a bit unsteady, and removed the gear, leaving
his harnesses on. He bent down to pick up the bottle, then paused on his way up to kiss Levi’s
forehead. “Let’s move to the bed.”

For a few minutes, they sat on the edge of the mattress, kissing each other’s mouths and necks.
Levi wondered if it was obvious that he was stalling. He found himself wishing Erwin would be
more aggressive; otherwise, this might never happen.

Finally, his patience wore out. He nipped at Erwin’s earlobe. “Are we going to do this, or what?”

Erwin pulled back to study him. “Tell me what you need, Levi.”

“I need to not make any decisions.”

After a moment, Erwin said, “Lie on your back.”

He obeyed. Erwin settled between his legs; he ran a hand down the side of Levi’s face, then trailed
it down his neck, then his arm. He gripped the wrist and moved it, pressing Levi’s hand and groin
together, then wrapped the fingers into place.

“We overwhelmed you with too much stimulation last time, so let’s keep this simple,” he said. “I
want you to touch yourself slowly. Let me know if you need me to slow down or stop.” He kissed
his navel, then pulled back to douse his finger in oil.

Now that Levi knew what to expect, the first touch wasn’t as jarring as it had been the first couple
times. He spread his legs further apart to make it easier on Erwin, pulling his knees a bit closer to
his chest. This would probably be easiest if he was on all fours, but he wasn’t ready to expose
himself so brazenly just yet. Still, the mattress was soft and saggy, and he could tell the angle was
awkward.

“Here.” He grabbed a pillow and put it under his ass, tilting his hips up. He had only been thinking
about making access easier for Erwin, but now he realized, too late, that the movement had put him
on display. Erwin’s gaze drifted to his finger and held, and Levi’s face burned.

“Is it okay?” he asked, worried that something unsightly might be holding Erwin’s attention.
“Yes. More than okay.” Erwin’s finger traced a small circle; his other hand slid down Levi’s
hamstrings, then cupped his ass. His face was relaxed, the corners of his lips curled in a tiny hint of
a smile. “How is it so far?”

“Not bad.” Levi closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation. “Kind of tickles a bit.” He idly began to
tug at himself, just enough to keep himself hard.

“Shall I try going in?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

His muscles relaxed more easily this time, at first, but then Levi began to panic. Is it easier
because we stretched my asshole? What if we keep doing this regularly? Am I going to start
shitting myself all the time? He knew the thoughts were ridiculous—he’d been doing this with
partners for half his life, and they’d never had any problems like that—but his own body was
different. It needed to be pristine, untouched, clean. His eyes flew open. “Erwin—”

The finger had already frozen in place; his tension must have been obvious. Placid blue eyes
focused on him. “Need me to stop?”

“Just wait a moment.” Levi took several deep breaths. He tried to focus on whatever had driven
him to request this in the first place, and found himself remembering how excited Erwin had been
after their last attempt. “Why do you like doing this?” he asked, latching onto the idea.

Erwin kissed his thigh. “The intimacy of it. I love knowing that you’re letting me into an area of
your body that’s been relatively unexplored. And I must confess I love the sensations—the
tightness, the warmth.” His voice was gentle, almost soothing, and Levi felt his panic begin to
fade.

“Does it turn you on?”

Instead of answering right away, Erwin shifted his position, showing that he was semi-erect. “You
know how slowly I recover, and look at me. If I hadn’t just come as hard as I did … ”

Levi stared, head spinning. “Okay, keep going.”

Erwin continued kissing his thigh, slowly pressing deeper. Levi held his gaze, focusing on the
thought: this is turning him on, it’s turning him on …

Lightning shot through his groin and the inside of his cock, and he gasped.

“There?” Erwin asked.

Levi nodded, holding his breath. It already felt so much different than last time.

“Breathe,” Erwin reminded him, his voice still gentle. “Would you like me to try a few things so
we can see what you like?”

Remembering to take slow breaths, Levi nodded again.

“First, I’m going to try different amounts of pressure. Your body will probably tell me what you
like, but don’t be afraid to be vocal about it.”

“Okay.” Levi lay back, giving himself a few more strokes as he waited to feel something different.
At first, he was getting that strange full-bladder-like sensation from before, but then there was the
lightning sensation again, and it grew into a beautiful ache, almost a hunger. “Oh, shit.”

“Like that?”

“Yeah. Fuck.” He gave himself a few more strokes, letting his head roll along the pillow.

“You like heavy pressure. I suspected as much. Does it feel good?”

“Yeah, it’s not bad.” He looked down at Erwin, whose jaw was rigid, his eyes sharp and focused.
He’s so into it.

“ I’d like to try out some different motions with my finger next.”

“Sure.”

The stimulation began to vary, and Levi felt himself begin to melt under the fiery gaze and the
careful attention. His head sagged back to the pillow, and he felt a groan catch in his throat. He
held it back, still a bit shy. To his surprise, he was beginning to miss the stretching sensation that
had been present up until a minute or two ago.

“Everything okay?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re awfully quiet up there.”

Levi lifted his head to look at him. Erwin’s cheeks were red, his eyelids heavy. “It feels pretty
good.” I want more, he thought, but his mouth wouldn’t form the words.

“Keep going?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin kissed a line along his thigh again, his free hand smoothing Levi’s abdomen. “I love that
you’re letting me do this. I love reaching into you like this, being inside you, a part of you.”

Levi could relate—he enjoyed doing the same thing for the same reasons. His body was starting to
ache for another finger, and he cloaked it in a safe thought: I love that moment when he begs me for
more, so I bet he’ll love it if I do the same.

“ I need—” He was certain his face must be beet red. “Give me another finger.”

Erwin’s brows peaked. He pulled out and added more oil, then began to gently ease his way in
again.

This time, Levi felt that stretch, that glorious stretch, and he couldn’t hold back a groan. “Fuck!”

“Still okay?” Erwin asked, arousal gravelling his voice, and Levi felt a shiver run through his body.
He’s so fucking turned on by this, he’s so fucking into it … He forced himself to lift his head
again.

“Are you hard, Erwin?”

“Yeah.” Even his gaze was hard, staring at him with the piercing intensity he wore when he was
close to orgasm. He pushed the fingers to the same depth as before.
Levi’s head fell back with a moan. His skin was sensitive and tingling, his muscles glowing.
“Shit.” I want more, he realized, and the thought shocked him.

“Don’t forget about this.” Erwin gripped his wrist and moved it in a jerking motion.

Levi’s breath came in blasts as he followed Erwin’s lead, moving his hand. Pressure was already
beginning to build inside him; he let out a cry to vent it, but it built again immediately after, worse
than before. He forced his eyes open a crack so he could see the fixation on Erwin’s face.

“Shit! Erwin—”

“Come on.” The fingers pressed harder, almost crossing the border into pain, and Levi felt his
limbs tense as he began to crest.

He had heard of full-body orgasms, had given many to others, but had never experienced one for
himself until now. The pleasure rippled through his limbs and digits, then back to centre, his
stomach muscles contracting in waves that lifted his upper body off the bed. He was vaguely aware
that he was yelling, but he couldn’t hear it over the blood rushing in his ears. When it finally began
to ebb, he forced his eyes open and, seeing the awe on Erwin’s face, found he still had a few
contractions left.

Then it was over, and every muscle slackened at once. He fell back to the mattress, breathing hard.

“Levi,” Erwin breathed, and he began to frantically kiss Levi’s thigh, his knee, his abdomen.

Levi’s eyes cracked open as he watched Erwin work his way up his body, and then the frantic
mouth was mashing into his, the angle hurting his bruised nose, but he barely felt the pain. Erwin
rolled him onto his side so they were facing each other, limbs wrapping around each other, tongues
sliding together.

Then Erwin pulled away, breathing hard. Mussed blond hair hung in his face, his cheeks and lips
were rosy, and his eyes were glassy.

“You aren’t going to start crying, are you?” Levi asked.

Erwin laughed—not his usual reserved chuckle, but an honest, uncensored laugh. “Levi, you’re
smiling.”

“I’m not,” he retorted, but he could feel that he was.

Erwin’s thumb ran across his lower lip. “I’ve never seen you smile like this.”

“Yeah, well I’ve never heard you laugh like that. I guess that’s what happens when we fuck each
other’s brains out.” Levi ran a hand down Erwin’s chest. The hair was damp, and he vaguely
wondered if it was sweat or other bodily fluids.

“So, it was better this time around?”

“You don’t have to interview me every time we mess around, you know. It’s creepy. Like you’ve
got some Levi-fucking strategy you’re fine-tuning.”

“Maybe I am.” Erwin kissed his forehead. “We’re going to miss dinner if we don’t get back to the
base soon. I can show you how to use my shower—I’m sure you’re anxious to get cleaned up.”

“Thanks.” Levi was surprised to discover that he wasn’t. He glanced at the crumpled clothes he
had left on the dresser, but felt only mild annoyance, not his usual need to straighten them. The
discarded feather duster was still bothering him, however, lying out of place on the floor. The dust
was probably settling back into place on the bookshelves, too. He shivered.”One of these days, I’m
going to clean this place for you.”

“If you like. Maybe we could do some sort of paperwork-for-cleaning labour trade.” Erwin pulled
him in for one last kiss, then stood. “Come on, we should get moving.”

After a hastily eaten dinner, even hastier packing, and some careful revisions, Erwin was ready to
leave for the Capital.

As the city clock tower rang ten o’clock, he knocked on Levi’s door under the guise of seeking
help with his luggage. Levi yanked him into the room and closed the door. They shared a long,
deep kiss; Erwin slowly rubbed Levi’s biceps, memorizing the way he tasted and felt.

Then Levi leaned against his chest, wrapping his arms around him. “You going to jerk off a lot
while you’re gone?”

Erwin chuckled and kissed the top of his head. “I’m not sure I’ll have the time or the privacy. If I
do, I’ll certainly be recalling the way you looked writhing on the bed this afternoon.” His throat
tightened. “I’m going to miss you, Levi.”

“Shut up. It’s only a couple days.” Levi’s arms tightened around him. “Don’t let Sahlo push you
around.”

“I’ll do what I can.” He paused. “I’m afraid the driver is waiting for me, and our schedule is tight.”

“Fine.” Levi pulled away. “Where’s your luggage?”

They loaded the carriage, and, with other eyes on them, exchanged a formal nod.

“Good luck with the squad selections,” Erwin said stiffly.

Levi shrugged. “See you in a few days.”

Their gaze held for a moment longer, then Erwin stepped into the carriage and closed the door.

Though the long carriage ride would have been more entertaining with Levi present, he still
managed to make it productive: first, he was putting finishing touches on his proposal, then he was
practicing his presentation, and finally, he slept. His body was still catching up on all the sleep he
had missed; he didn’t awaken until the carriage came to a full stop in front of the military barracks.

“We were a bit delayed in Stohess, sir,” the driver said. “I’m afraid you don’t have much time to
spare before your appointment.”

Erwin thanked him, but his stomach twisted. He hastily dropped off his luggage in the spare room
he was borrowing, then took a minute to check his appearance in the mirror. Grabbing his files, he
hurried to the door.

When he arrived at the parliament building, he was surprised to find Lord Sahlo waiting for him in
the lobby.

“Commander Erwin,” the lord said, the words accompanied by a surprisingly pleasant expression.
They shook hands. “How was your trip?”

“Unexpectedly rushed.”

“What an oddly specific response.” Sahlo gave a smug grin. “As agreed, I am fully prepared to
back your proposal today. I trust you were able to put something together, and you won’t make
both of us look like asses?”

“That remains to be seen. The timeframe was significantly shorter than usual.”

“Then I suppose today will either make or break our business relationship.” He clapped a hand to
Erwin’s shoulder. “I want you to join me for drinks once this meeting is over. We have much to
discuss.”

He’s trying to show me that he’s the one in control here. The more interactions they shared, the
less confident Erwin became. He had to find a way to tip the balance back in his favour. “I’ll see if
I can make time in my schedule.”

“I’d recommend that you do.” Sahlo nodded at him. “Follow me. Everyone’s waiting on you.”

Did he just stall me to try to make it look as if I were running late? Erwin frowned.

As he entered the meeting room, he saluted Commander-in-Chief Zackly, who nodded at him.
Four other lords were seated at the table, two of them new faces. One was presumably Lobov’s
new replacement, and the other was a middle-aged man with round features and dark hair. Erwin
made a note to follow up with his contacts about these two later. He didn’t like facing unknown
entities.

Aloud, he said, “Thank you, all, for agreeing to meet with me on such short notice.”

“Lord Sahlo was insistent that this expedition would change the future of the Survey Corps.”
Zackly raised a brow. Erwin had worked with him enough times to understand what that expression
meant: Zackly understood that Sahlo was trying to pressure him. Erwin felt himself relax. Having
an ally in the meeting would be helpful.

“Indeed, sir, what I’m presenting to you today is the first phase of the new direction of the Survey
Corps.” He set two copies of his proposal in the centre of the table, then began to unfold maps and
visual aids. “With Lord Sahlo’s help, we’ve obtained a list of abandoned silos outside Wall Rose
filled with medical supplies, food rations, weapons and ammunition. The expedition I’m proposing
today has a single goal: we will recover as many of these supplies as we can. For some time, we’ve
wanted to build supply bunkers leading out to Wall Maria for a future reclamation effort, but there
was always the fear of draining the limited resources located within Wall Rose and Wall Sina. If
we repurpose the contents of these silos, as I’m going to propose today, we will be able to make
great headway with very little impact to the citizens within the walls.”

The Lords stared blankly at him, but Zackly raised a brow. “Oh?”

Erwin smiled. “Why don’t I walk you through it?”

The presentation went surprisingly smoothly. They broke for lunch, during which the lords
gossiped at length about nobles Erwin did not know. After lunch, Erwin fielded their questions,
most of them from Zackly. He closed out the meeting with a promise to further humanity’s cause
and a resounding salute.
As the other lords departed, Zackly pulled him aside. “A bit sloppier than your usual proposals,
Erwin, but still a fine job.”

“I’m afraid some enthusiastic parties pushed this forward more quickly than I anticipated, sir.”

Zackly leaned closer. “I figured as much. Don’t worry, it was solid. I don’t want to promise
anything yet, but I’m confident we’ll be able to push this through. Come by my office tomorrow
afternoon and we’ll discuss. I have a few more questions to consider when it comes to the actual
execution of your plan.”

Erwin nodded and saluted.

Sahlo was waiting for him in the lobby again. His smile was too broad, his eyes still dead and even.
“I must say, I’m a little disappointed with the quality of your proposal, but you seem to have fooled
the rest of those assholes. May I treat you to dinner? I have a location in mind that might suit your
temperament.”

He was still exuding arrogance. Erwin began to regret leaving Levi behind; a good threat might
scare him back into place. Maybe dinner would present him with a subtle way to regain control.

Sahlo led him to a carriage, but Erwin shook his head. “We’re walking.”

“It’s quite far.”

“I’m sure I can handle it.” He wasn’t about to get into a carriage and leave himself open to be
taken to a random location.

“Have it your way.” Sahlo shrugged, and they began to walk. “You don’t trust me, do you? You’re
reading this all wrong, Commander. I’ve taken a genuine interest in you, and I’ve come to realize
it’s in my best interest if you succeed.”

Erwin glanced at him. “I see you’re wearing a new hat.”

The lord grimaced. “Your guard dog did a number on the old one—what’s his name again? The
thug from the Underground.”

“Levi.”

“Levi, that’s it. He’s loyal, I’ll give him that. What does it take to turn a ruffian into a loyal dog in
such a short period of time? Surely not blackmail—it’s not as if a criminal values his reputation.”

“I showed him the bigger world outside the walls,” Erwin said, “and I treated him with respect.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Someone who has been kicked around his whole life will respond well to being treated
like a human being.” He refused to let his face betray even the slightest hint of emotion, even
though his heart warmed. It was strange to think about how different their relationship had been
back then.

“Hm.” Sahlo was silent for a few minutes, then said, “Here we are.”

Erwin stepped into the restaurant, surveying the room. The restaurant was surprisingly quiet, and
he quickly realized why: a chess board sat in the centre of each table.

“I overheard Commander Shadis speaking with Commander Pixis a couple years back, saying you
were quite the chess player. Everyone was already talking about you then, saying you were going
to be a Commander yourself one day.” Sahlo slid into a table and wiped his damp brow, out of
breath from the walk. “Care to indulge me in a game?”

Erwin sat at the table, eyes fixed on the board. He wants to size me up, determine how threatening
my strategic skills are. Should he play for real and intimidate Sahlo, but potentially reveal
information about how he operated? Or should he play sloppily and lull him into a false sense of
security?

A server approached the table and set a box between them. “Lord Sahlo. Commander. What would
you like?”

“Two glasses of red,” Sahlo said, “and two chicken pies.” He opened the box to reveal chess
pieces, then began to arrange them on the chess board. “They say you can learn more from a single
game of chess with a man than you can in an entire week’s worth of conversation. I thought this
would be a good way to get acquainted with each other, Smith—may I call you Smith?”

“I’d prefer Commander or Erwin.”

“Odd name, that. Smith. Your file says you spent some time in the City growing up, and yet no
family named Smith has ever lived within the inner walls.” Still bent over the pieces, Sahlo peered
up at him from under the rim of his hat. “Almost. Records do indicate a family named Smith
appearing briefly, only to disappear into the Wall Church, never to be seen again. I’m well
acquainted with many high-ranking Wallists, and not a single one of them knew you had any ties to
them at all. More than that, the name Smith is so common in the outer walls that it’s impossible to
trace. You’re a man without a past, Erwin Smith. Does Commander-in-Chief Zackly know about
the mystery that surrounds you?”

“I believe my years of loyal service speak more loudly for me than my humble roots ever could.”
Though recalling his sister’s visit still made his chest ache, he silently thanked her and his mother
for changing their names once they had formally entered the church. Perhaps all those years of his
mother’s paranoia had been more practical than he had assumed.

“Black or white?” The Lord motioned to the pieces. The first test: did he want the first move?

“White,” Erwin said, deciding to present himself as a man who seized every advantage. His goal
would be to intimidate Sahlo while underrepresenting his own strategic prowess at the same time.

Sahlo turned the board. “Your move.”

Erwin moved a pawn. “What about you, Lord Sahlo? Mitras, born and raised?”

“Ah, Smith, my history is well known. I’d rather talk about you some more.” The wine arrived; he
took a long sip of one glass, sliding the other across the table. “I know you and Nile go way back,
but I get the feeling he has conflicted feelings about you. His words to describe your personality
weren’t exactly flattering.”

“It’s still your move.”

“Ah, right.” Sahlo slid a pawn two squares forward. “How were you able to command the loyalty
of Levi within less than a year, but not Nile after more than a decade? Couldn’t you show him a
bigger world and treat him with respect?”

“Nile has no interest in a bigger world. More than that: we were in love with the same woman long
ago, and he never learned how to drop a grudge. A pity, as we were quite close, once.” He took a
sip of wine, then slid another pawn forward.

“Ah, so you’re a ladies’ man.”

“A bit, at the time. No time for such things any more.”

Sahlo held his gaze. “You know that transfer you requested, of three soldiers? Nile wants to make
the third one an informant. He’s convinced we need to keep an eye on you.”

Erwin’s blood ran cold. The whole point of the transfer had been to give them an opportunity to
spoon-feed information back to Sahlo. Does he know that’s what I was doing, or is he just trying to
win my trust by backstabbing Nile? “That’s unfortunate.”

“I think I talked him out of it, but I’d keep an eye on those transfers, if I were you.”

The lord’s chatter began to fade as the chess game proceeded. Erwin played recklessly, sacrificing
pawns and both his bishops to push his advantage. He could tell Sahlo was playing sloppily as
well. They ate their food and started second glasses of wine, each turn slowing down as the game
progressed.

Erwin had just offered up his second rook, when Sahlo cursed and picked up the board, dumping
the pieces on the table. Erwin jumped.

“Stop jerking me around!” the lord growled. There was that temper Erwin had seen when he and
Levi had first threatened him: Sahlo’s face was red, his teeth bared.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re throwing the game on purpose. I don’t have time for bullshit.” The Lord leaned
across the table. “Do you know why I’m supporting you, Smith? It’s not because your little show
intimidated me. I know people who could end you and everything you’ve ever held dear, all in the
blink of an eye. They can twist a knife into your weak spots and leave you broken and ruined.”

Erwin held his face neutral, not even blinking. You don’t know anything about me, and you have no
way of finding out, so how will you find my weak spots?

For a brief instant, his mind replayed the dream he’d had of a titan-sized Sahlo killing Levi, its face
morphing into his own: you play a dangerous game, boy …

He shoved it aside. Nightmares had no place in this strategic setting.

“No, I’m not afraid of you and your ragtag regiment of eager titan feed,” Sahlo continued. “The
reason I’m going along with your little show is because I see in you a ruthlessness, a desire to go to
great lengths to get exactly what you want. I also see a brilliant manipulator. You were absolutely
right when you said our alliance could benefit each other, and I have big plans for both of us, but
only if I can be sure you really are the genius everyone says. So stop holding back, and fucking
show me how you play!”

Erwin studied him. “Only if you do the same.”

Their gaze held, then Sahlo smiled. “You’re sharp, boy. I’ll give you that. Very well. I won’t hold
back, either.”

From the opening moves of their new game, Erwin saw a change come over his opponent: his
spine straightened, his jaw set, and the fake smile left his lips. There was a startling subtlety to the
lord’s strategy, a tendency to lay traps like a hunter carefully laying a snare. In spite of himself,
Erwin felt his respect for Sahlo begin to grow. He had greatly underestimated his intelligence.

Still, like fighting titans, like sparring, every opponent had a weakness, and Erwin excelled at
finding them. Soon, Sahlo’s became apparent: he showed a strange tendency to favour the right
side of the board, using it for his traps whenever the pieces allowed it, and overlooking similar
opportunities on the left. The board layout didn’t allow Erwin to take advantage of that knowledge
yet, but when it did, he would be ready to strike.

As they began their fourth glasses of wine, a crowd began to gather. Lord Sahlo was well known
among the locals, and Erwin supposed his own strategic prowess must be becoming well known by
now. He was completely immune to spectacle, but Sahlo seemed to be considering the crowd’s
expressions before he made each move. This, too, provided useful information. Public opinion
matters to him. If I want to pressure him in the future, I need to threaten his reputation with the
people.

As they entered the endgame, Erwin’s body was glowing from the wine, but his mind was sharp.
An opportunity began to form: Sahlo was trying to lure him into a checkmate; if Erwin had
identified his play correctly, then in a few more moves, Sahlo would leave his own king exposed.

He was noticing another pattern: Sahlo always took down strong pieces if given the opportunity,
even if it was risky. If I use my queen as bait, I can convince him to open up on the left, and then I
can take him.

He slid a bishop into position, waiting. Two moves until he checks me.

Next, he positioned his knight. One.

“ Check,” Sahlo said, smirking. As was Erwin’s design, the rook holding his king in check was
also perfectly positioned to take the queen. The crowd murmured, impressed.

Erwin raked a hand through his hair, faking stress. He took a long sip of wine, then stepped his
king out of the way.

Two more moves, and Sahlo could have taken him down, but, as predicted, he went straight for the
queen instead, leaving a hole in his defenses.

Erwin advanced with his bishop. “Check.”

Sweat ran down Sahlo’s temple. His only option was to move his king to the right or the left. Erwin
held his breath, waiting. Sahlo would go to the right and then attempt to trap him with his bishop.
He always favoured the right. The crowd was murmuring, and Sahlo’s gaze darted to them, then
back to the board.

The king shifted right.

Erwin moved his knight. “Checkmate.”

The crowd began to clap, and Sahlo’s crestfallen look told Erwin everything he needed to know:
the lord had truly been playing to win. I got a perfect read on him, and he knows it.

The power balance was once again in his favour.

“Damn.” Sahlo flicked his king onto its side. “I see the rumours about you weren’t an
exaggeration.” For the first time all day, he looked uncomfortable. He held out his hand. “I look
forward to working with you, Smith.”

“Commander,” Erwin corrected, shaking his hand.

 Doors
Chapter Notes

A/N: I feel like I'm repeating myself here, but I mean it sincerely every time: thank
you again, so much, for all your support. It means the world to me. :) :) :)

This chapter is lo-o-o-ong. Sorry in advance; I couldn't find a good place to break it
into two. The next one will be considerably shorter, I think?

Also, I'd like to give a shoutout to ShadowMelly for gifting me a wonderful eruri
fanfic!!! WOW! Thank you so much! *hugs* If anyone wants to read this lovely gift,
it's posted here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2363015

Previous chapter: Erwin finishes his proposal, meets up with his sister, gets intimate
with Levi, then heads to the Capital to pitch his proposal - and ends up playing chess
with Lord Sahlo.

-18-

Doors

“Excited?” Hange asked.

Levi shrugged. “Not really.”

“No? You’re dancing in place.”

Realizing he was shifting his weight from one leg to the other, Levi frowned and stood tall, folding
his arms over his chest. “I just want to know if the proposal went through or not. The blond bastard
has kept us waiting long enough.” Erwin’s one-or-two-day trip to the Capital had turned into five.
A message on the second day had stated he was spending time meeting with investors, but Levi
didn’t believe that was the only delay. Was Sahlo giving him a hard time? Was the proposal
encountering difficulties?

The carriage pulled into the yard and stopped. Hange greeted the driver, then rounded the back to
start unloading the baggage, but Levi waited.

The door swung open, and his breath caught as Erwin stepped through it.

“Good morning, Levi,” he said, the morning sun illuminating the border of his hair like a halo.

Levi scrutinized his face and found no hint of emotion, just his default polite, empty smile. “Been
awhile.”

“Yes, sorry for the delay—I hope my absence didn’t hinder your work. Let’s assemble the Squad
Leaders after I’ve finished my breakfast.” He squeezed a shoulder as he walked past, the
movement so gentle that it was almost a caress, and Levi’s blood stirred.

The three of them hauled several bags upstairs.

“Didn’t you leave with a single bag?” Levi asked.

“Some of our investors were kind enough to give us supplies for the upcoming mission as gifts of
good faith: dried meat, tea, coffee, blankets.” They set the baggage against a wall in Erwin’s office,
and Erwin smiled. “Ah, I see the new couches arrived intact. Good. Hange, please tell Berit and
Mike that we’ll have an officer’s meeting here in approximately twenty minutes. Levi, I’d like you
to accompany me to breakfast. I have some information I want to run past you.”

“Sir. I’ll leave you two to talk.” Hange saluted and left the room, giving a wink to Levi before the
door closed.

Levi’s cheeks burned. He folded his arms over his chest again, staring up at Erwin. He wanted to
jump up and wrap all four limbs around the taller man, kissing his lips, chin and neck, but that
empty smile was making him hesitate.

“Well?” he said. “You’re gone five fucking days and I don’t even get a kiss?”

“My apologies, Levi,” Erwin said, the fake smile finally relaxing. “I’m desperately pent up. I don’t
trust myself to kiss you right now without getting carried away, and we have other duties to attend
to first.”

“Maybe a hug?” Levi asked, not wanting to admit how badly he needed contact.

“If it’s brief.”

They met in a chaste embrace, only their upper bodies making contact.

Erwin buried his face in the top of Levi’s hair. “It’s good to see you, Levi.”

“Yeah. Good to see you, too.” Hearing his name leave those thick, shapely lips made Levi’s heart
pound. He pressed his cheek to his chest, and found a heartbeat racing so fast that it rivalled his
own. I guess I’m not the only one who’s feeling sentimental.

“ It feels as if it’s been longer than five days.” Erwin dropped his arms and stepped back, and this
time, there was kindness in his smile. “The world doesn’t stop when we’re apart, but it certainly
feels lonelier.”

“That’s a good way to put it.”

Erwin straightened a strand of Levi’s hair into place, his knuckle tracing down his cheek before
pulling away. “Shall we head to breakfast?”

The mess hall was empty save for a cluster of stragglers talking animatedly over empty plates.
Erwin helped himself to some oatmeal and Levi poured a cup of tea. They settled at a small table
near the back of the room, out of earshot of the other soldiers.

Levi nursed the tea, his third cup that morning. “Did the proposal go through?”

“Yes, yesterday morning. Zackly was on board from the start, and Sahlo, to his credit, was pushing
hard on the other representatives. There were a couple unknowns—two new Council members—
who took some extra convincing. Sahlo offered to lean heavily on them if needed, but I decided to
book extra meetings with them instead, to walk them through their concerns. That seemed to do the
trick.” Erwin’s jaw muscle tightened. “I don’t want Sahlo doing us too many favours.”

Levi studied the tensing jaw line. “Did something happen with that asshole?”
“Yes.” Erwin paused to eat a spoonful of oatmeal, then continued. “Traditionally, I keep my
political schemes to myself, but because you’re you, Levi, I’m going to keep you apprised of all my
dealings. Anything I tell you is to remain between the two of us.” He looked up, the blue eyes kind.
“When you’re eventually standing beside me as my Captain, I want us to be peers more often than
we’re superior-subordinate. You have a sharp eye for reading people, and strong short-term tactical
instincts. I sometimes think too long-term and lose perspective on the immediate future, so I can
benefit from your perspective. You also have an intimate knowledge of the Underground culture,
while my understanding of it is only cursory. That’s why I need your opinion on a few things I
learned about Sahlo.”

Levi’s brows rose at the unexpected compliments. He had never thought of himself as a tactical
person; if anything, he saw himself as a weapon to be aimed. “Okay, go ahead.”

Erwin spoke about the meeting in detail, then a chess game at a cafe. “I was confident I had
regained the upper hand. The next night, however, I was supposed to meet him at his office to
detail future fund delivery. When I arrived at his office, he was accompanied by two escorts. One
for him, one for me. A peace offering.”

“Escorts,” Levi repeated, his stomach dropping as his mind immediately went to the worst-case
scenario. He didn’t want to offend his new business partner, so he—

“ Levi.” Erwin leaned closer, his voice lowering. “You know I consider us to be exclusive, right?
We haven’t spoken about it formally, but I have no desire to be with anyone else—particularly
someone who has been bought and traded as if they were a commodity.”

“Of course I know that.”

“You looked a little worried.”

“Why the hell would I be worried?” Levi asked, his brows dropping. “Keep going. What
happened?”

“I politely declined, of course. I can’t figure out his angle. Perhaps she was going to physically
harm me, or he was setting up future blackmail material, or he was otherwise trying to test me. My
concern is the latter—perhaps he was trying to dig up information on the current state of my sex
life, or my sexual preferences, or—”

“Or he’s just a pervert who wanted to suck up to you after you defeated him at chess, and you’re
overthinking the whole thing.”

“Ah.” Erwin smiled. “I suppose that’s possible. Regardless, I noticed a symbol tattooed on the
women’s ankles, one I’ve seen around the Underground: a diamond shape split into two triangles, a
dot in the centre of the top one.”

“Rage,” Levi said. “All his affiliates get that tattoo.”

“Rage?”

“Rage Klein, one of the Underground kingpins of the sex trade and black market goods.”

“I see.” Erwin paused. “I assume Rage is a nickname.”

“Never thought to ask. Beat him up one time, got the shit kicked out of me by his henchmen
another, and that’s all I know about him.” Levi studied Erwin’s face, trying to guess where the
discussion was leading. “Are you thinking he has ties to Sahlo?”
“Maybe. Maybe he just wants me to think he does. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence that he hired
those particular women.” Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been trying so hard to think
like him over the past few days that I don’t know which way is up anymore. Regardless, I’m
interested to investigate this a bit to see if there are any ties—the more information I have about
him, the easier it will be to keep him in check in the future.”

“And you want me to investigate it?” guessed Levi, his heart pounding in his throat. He hadn’t
been back to the Underground since he had joined the Survey Corps, and now that he was a high-
profile soldier, he certainly wouldn’t be well-received.

“I’m not sure that will be necessary. I re-established connection with an old contact in the
Underground, and I’m thinking of asking her to pursue this lead for me.” He side-eyed Levi, a faint
smirk on his lips. “Her name is Leona Reid, and she asked me to pass along a hello. Apparently
you two go way back?”

“Shit,” Levi muttered, knowing exactly what was coming next.

“She said you owe her a substantial amount of money.”

“Of course she did. Did she mention that it was her stupid son’s fault I borrowed it in the first
place?”

Erwin’s eyes twinkled. “The same son you used to date?”

Levi shook his head, lips flattening. “That was years ago.”

“Apparently he’s married with two adopted kids now, doing quite well for himself in the factories.
She thought you might like to know.”

“Yeah, great. Maybe she should ask him for money.” Levi shook his head. “Why the hell is she one
of your contacts? Do you fake a lot of documents?”

“I do.”

The answer surprised him. “Like what?”

“Mostly receipts or invoices.” Erwin paused, stirring his oatmeal, then added quietly, “My
identification papers.”

Levi took a long sip of tea, then set the cup on the table. “You don’t have your original papers?”

“No, my mother destroyed them when we took the name Smith. Once I ran away from home, I
needed identification to join the military, so I wandered into the Underground in my best suit,
carrying a large sum of money, and started asking around.” Erwin shook his head. “I was so
sheltered, so naïve.”

“No kidding. How long did it take before you got mugged?”

“About ten minutes. A group of kids took all the money I had on me. I—” Erwin looked away. “I
must have been visibly upset—”

“You were crying.”

Erwin cleared his throat. “I was visibly upset, and Leona happened to see me and take pity on me.
She always said I reminded her of her son, something I find interesting now, given your history
with him.”

“Yeah, so maybe I have a type.”

“Then I’m fortunate I match it. At any rate, her help all those years ago started a working
relationship that has continued to this day.” He paused. “What’s your take on her, Levi? Is she
trustworthy?”

“Yeah, she’s good.”

“Glad to hear it. At some point, I should walk you through all my Underground contacts and get
your opinion on their reliability. At any rate, I’m thinking of getting her to trace Sahlo’s
movements around this Rage fellow. Not too soon, of course. We can’t discard the possibility that
Sahlo is trying to bait me so he can track my contacts.”

He sounded fatigued. The black eye from his fight with Mike was almost unnoticeable now, but
both his eyes were shadowed and sunken.

“You didn’t get enough sleep while you were gone, did you?” Levi asked quietly.

“No, I probably didn’t.”

“Why are you so worried about him? He’s just one lord. Isn’t there a whole panel of them
approving expeditions?”

Erwin lifted another spoonful of oatmeal to his lips, taking the time to chew it before continuing.
“Remember Lobov? He was just one man, and a less crafty one than Sahlo, but he still managed to
erode Survey Corps support. Sahlo has more connections and greater intelligence; if left
unchecked, he could spell the end of our entire regiment. I have to control him now, before he
manages to gain control of the entire government while our backs are turned.”

His voice was so gravelly that Levi wished he could reach over and grip his hand. “You wanted my
take on all this, right? I think you need to take a week to get your head on straight. You’ve been
trying so hard to think like him, from every angle, that you’re getting paranoid. So maybe he’s
smarter than you expected—he’s still not smarter than you. Don’t think too much and end up
overestimating him. You’ll tie yourself in knots.”

Erwin smiled. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll take some time to let all this simmer in the back of my
mind. I just have one last question for you: say Sahlo was involved with Rage Klein. What sort of
dealings might that mean?”

Levi shrugged. “He might just be a regular solicitor of the sex workers, but it’s possible he could be
using his shipping business to ship Rage’s goods. Drugs would be a good guess—when I was
running drugs, most of the clients were nobles, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Sahlo had his hands in
them. Rage hates my guts, but I know a few people close to him who might be able to look into it
from the dealing end.” He noticed Erwin was staring at him. “What?”

“I didn’t realize you were involved in the drug trade.”

“Oh. Shit.” Levi’s stomach dropped; that was a detail about his past he hadn’t ever wanted to
reveal. “Look, I was young and alone. I needed money fast, and my options were drugs or selling
my body, and I was more than happy to give away my body for free, so that only left one option. I
broke away as soon as I could afford it.”

Erwin was looking at him with something close to pity, and Levi’s jaw clenched. This was exactly
why he hadn’t ever wanted to bring it up. He didn’t want to think of the look he’d see on that face
if he revealed he had, for a short while, been in the habit of sampling his own merchandise. Or
maybe Erwin already knew. It didn’t take a genius to guess that a kid on the streets looking to
forget his past might spend a few months dabbling in self-medication before he came to his senses.

He shrugged it off. “The point is, you can use my contacts, too, if you need to.”

The pitying look faded. “Thank you, Levi. We don’t need to follow up on this just yet, but it’s good
to know there are options for the future.”

“Yeah.” Levi frowned, lost in his memories. There had been one other option available to him
when he had first struck out on his own in the Underground: mercenary work. He would have been
good at it, but it was also exactly what he was running from. No, he had wanted to escape his past,
smothering it beneath every bit of pleasure he could cram into each day. Looking back now, it had
been a dark period of his life, but maybe all that misbehaviour had kept him alive—maybe it had
helped him through his worst days, giving him moment-to-moment reprieve until his feet found the
ground again. He was glad he had come out of it sober, disease-free, and relatively unscathed.

“Levi?”

He looked up. The blue eyes were still boring through him.

“I’m glad we met when we did,” Levi said. “I was in a dark place for a few years there.”

“I sometimes wonder,” Erwin said quietly, “what would have happened if I had met you earlier, if
you had entered the military at the usual age. Would it have saved you any pain? Or was that pain
necessary in order to hone you into the man you are today?”

Isabel and Farlan would still be alive, Levi thought, but he shoved the thought aside. “There’s no
point second-guessing it. You’re overthinking things again. What happened, happened, and things
turned out okay.” Under the table, his booted foot found Erwin’s.

“I suppose it did.”

Levi’s voice lowered: “And by the way, of course we’re exclusive, you idiot.”

Erwin’s boot slid against his. “I didn’t want to presume.”

“You think I let just anyone do the kind of stuff you do to me?”

“Well, last time we tried to define what we were, you seemed a bit hesitant,” Erwin said.

“Only because the word ‘boyfriend’ is too childish, ‘lover’ is too dramatic, and ‘partner’ is too
businesslike.” Levi’s cheeks darkened.

Erwin leaned in, a mischievous grin on his face. “How about soul mates?”

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “No.”

“Sweethearts?”

“Erwin—”

“Passionate life mates?”

“Knock it off.” Levi kicked his ankle. “We’re just us . We don’t need a word for it. It’s not like we
need to define it for anyone, anyway.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Erwin’s smile softened, his look so loving that Levi couldn’t hold his
gaze.

“Knock that off, too. You’re going to give us away, looking at me like a fucking sap.” Levi nodded
his nose at him, pretending his heart wasn’t pounding in his chest. “Finish your damned oatmeal.”

While Erwin ate, Levi filled him in on the squad recruitment progress. Most of the recruits had
been successfully assigned to squads, with only a few stragglers remaining. Mike still wanted a
chance to sniff out each of the recruits once his nose healed. “I have no idea how we’re going to
convince them to let him do it, but he’s insisting, so there’s still a little shuffling that might go on.”

The next step was going to be working with Erwin to break the new squads into teams and assign
them to part of the overall formation. “You’re back just in time. We should be ready to start that
tomorrow.”

“Good.” Erwin scraped the bowl with his spoon, gathering the last bit of oatmeal, then lifted it to
his lips. Once he had swallowed, he said, “It’s about time for our debrief. Shall we return to my
office?”

As they stood, Levi watched him. There was that cold expression again. It was still strange to him,
the way Erwin switched between business and pleasure, as if there were two men living within the
same body. When we win this war, will he be able to turn off that serious side, or will it always be
there?

The other Squad Leaders were waiting for them when they arrived. The three new couches had
been arranged to form a square with Erwin’s desk. Hange and Berit shared one, and Mike’s
enormous frame was slung over the second. Levi sank onto the third, folding his arms over his
chest.

Erwin pulled several papers out of his bags, then settled to a seat at his desk. “Thank you, all, for
your patience during my absence. The good news is that the expedition has been approved. The
bad is that we have only four weeks to prepare our new squads. I’ll be working with you over the
next few days to solidify our formation. In the meantime, I want to bring your attention to our
route.” He handed a stack of papers to Levi, who took one and passed it down. “Keep in mind that
this is only a draft; our scouting party will come back with information about terrain and titan
activity, at which point I’ll be revisiting the route. They’ll also be scouting out the two abandoned
checkpoints we’ll be using as bases.”

Erwin leaned forward, folding his hands on the desk as he continued. “Because there’s a lot of
ground to cover, I want to send out two Squad Leaders and have them each part ways during the
day to check out the silos, then rendezvous back at the checkpoints each night. I expect it will take
you about a week to cover the entire route, so speed is of utmost importance. Because of this, I’ll
ask each of you to take only two teams with you—enough to have backup if you encounter strife,
but small enough to be mobile.”

Levi ran a hand through his hair, his body tensing. It was going to be difficult to scout with all-new
squads, but he was ready for the challenge. He recalled how dull and slow the titans were, the ones
he had seen from his vantage point on the tower last time around; they were just dumb, giant meat-
sacks.

“Hange,” Erwin said, “I know you’ve been wanting an excuse to start making observations, and
your squad’s defensive capabilities will be useful at the checkpoints. I want you to lead one of the
scouting teams.”

Hange sat upright, visibly vibrating. “Sir!”

Mike and Levi exchanged a look. We’re the two scouting teams, Levi thought, his brow furrowing.
Erwin, what are you doing?

“ As for the other team,” Erwin said, “Berit, I want you to bring your most skilled fighters.”

Silence settled over the room, so thick it was almost suffocating.

Levi was the first to find his breath. “Berit?”

Erwin’s eyes fixed on him. “You have a question, Levi?”

The gaze was powerful; Levi set his jaw, refusing to be intimidated. “Mike and I are your scouting
squads.”

“Mike is at a severe disadvantage until his nose heals, and your squad is still new. Berit’s squad
has, more or less, been intact since before you even joined the Survey Corps. She knows her
soldiers’ strengths and weaknesses better than anyone in this room, so she’s in the best position to
build suitable teams for this mission.”

“Erwin.” Berit’s face was pale, her eyes wide. “I’m a defensive squad. I’ve always been a defensive
squad. If Mike’s not an option, then send Levi.”

“Levi hasn’t completed a single mission with a squad at his command.”

“Neither has Hange. Besides, you know he’s got good battle instincts.”

Erwin eyed her, then the rest of them, one at a time. “Any other thoughts?”

Mike shrugged. “I’ll trust your decision.”

“I won’t,” Levi said. “Not this time. I should be doing this mission, Erwin, and you know it.”

The icy gaze shifted to him, and Levi saw a familiar flicker of fear. He tried to remember where he
had seen it before, then his eyes narrowed: Erwin had looked at him this way when they were first
talking about their squad types. Was he trying to protect Levi? Hadn’t the whole point of their
relationship been that it wouldn’t interfere with their fight against the titans? Anger began to rise in
his chest. The whole reason I trust you is that you don’t make stupid decisions like this.

“ I want Levi with me,” Hange said. “I’d want Berit with me on a full expedition, definitely, but if
we’re scouting, we don’t need support; we need speed and offense. Especially if we get penned in
at the checkpoint.”

“Exactly.” Berit folded her arms over her chest, leaning back into the couch. “You of all people
should know this makes sense, Erwin. Didn’t you start out on a scouting squad?”

Erwin stared at Levi again, and Levi steeled himself, refusing to duck his eyes. Listen to us, you
asshole.

“ Very well. Your reasons are sound.” Erwin looked down and tapped his stack of papers against
the desk to align them. “Hange and Levi will lead the scouting teams. Once the squad selections
have been finalized, I’ll touch base with the two of you with more details about what your tasks
will entail. With that out of the way, shall we finish off the squad interviews? I understand you’re
nearly through the list of candidates.”

As they began the interviews, Levi folded his arms tightly over his chest, seething. Erwin wouldn’t
look him in the eye, even when they broke for lunch, even when Levi tried to get his attention. By
the time they wrapped up the last interviews, the dinner bell was about to ring, and Levi was
fuming.

The other Squad Leaders stood.

“You going to come to dinner, sir?” Hange asked.

Erwin became busy with aligning a stack of papers again. “I’m afraid my time in the Capital has
shifted my appetites to a much later dinner time. I have some paperwork to take care of, anyway.”

“Levi?”

“In a minute. Go ahead without me.”

He waited until the others had left, then marched to the door and locked it for privacy. When he
returned, he slammed his palms on the desk. “What the hell is going on with you?”

Erwin slid the papers inside a file. “We’ll discuss it later.”

“No, we’ll discuss it now.”

A thick brow rose as Erwin’s gaze finally met his own. “Watch your tone, Levi. You’re speaking
to a commanding officer.”

“No, I’m speaking to you, Erwin Smith—the man, not the Commander. First you make a shitty-ass
decision, and now you won’t even look me in the eye?”

There was a long pause, then Erwin said softly, “I’m embarrassed.”

The answer was so unexpected that Levi pulled back. “Embarrassed?”

“I made you swear up and down that a relationship between us wouldn’t interfere with our goals,
and I’m the one who screwed that up, only a couple weeks in.” His eyes searched Levi’s. “I’m a
Commander now—I can’t put everything at risk for love the way I did when I was young and
foolish. I thought my reasoning was sound, that I was keeping you out of harm’s way for the good
of humanity, but it’s clear, in retrospect, that my bias was twisting my logic. That cannot happen.
Ever.”

A lump was forming in Levi’s throat; he swallowed it and marched over to Erwin’s side of the
desk so he could loom over him. “Well, when you screw up, don’t take it out on me. You promised
you’d try not to shut me out.”

Erwin stood and drew him into an embrace.

Levi’s eyes closed and he sank against Erwin’s chest, holding him tightly. “Asshole.”

“I’m sorry.” A hand slowly rubbed up and down Levi’s back, soothing him. “I know you’re
capable, but after what happened on the last mission, I’m more worried than I like to admit.
Promise me you’ll come back safely.”

“You think I’m going to die on a shitty little scouting mission? When I go, it’s going to be in a
blaze of glory, not—” He stopped when he felt a lump forming in the front of Erwin’s pants.
“Really, Erwin? When I’m talking about my death?”

Erwin cleared his throat. “It’s from our proximity, not your words. Like I said, I’m desperately pent
up.”

Levi’s body began to stir. He’d been thinking about their reunion for days, planning to push his
own comfort levels to give Erwin a ‘welcome home’ surprise. Still, feeling that lump pressing
against his belly, he found himself too impatient. He needed something quick and familiar. The
new, complex stuff could wait a few hours.

“Is your ass clean?” he asked.

“Should be, though I certainly wouldn’t recommend using your mouth. If you want me to go bathe
to be sure—”

“No, fuck it. Your room or mine?” He gripped Erwin’s collars and drew him down for a long kiss.
A groan slid between them, and he felt teeth gently close over his tongue.

Erwin tore his mouth away. “You locked the door, right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“There’s lubricant in the top left-hand drawer.” Erwin bent in for another kiss, then whispered,
“Take me over the desk.”

He didn’t need to ask twice. Levi rotated Erwin to face the desk, then pressed a hand to his back,
shoving him face-down. He began to unhook Erwin’s harnesses, then paused to find the lubricant.
“When did you put this here?”

“After you went down on me, I couldn’t stop thinking about having sex here.” Erwin’s voice was
soft and ragged. “Don’t bother with fingers first. Go right in.”

“Yeah?” Levi pulled down Erwin’s pants to mid-thigh, revealing his broad, muscular ass. He bit
his lip and ran his hands over the fuzzy skin.

“Be rough with me, if you want. I’m still embarrassed from before.” Erwin’s voice took on a shy
tone: “Maybe I need to be punished a little.”

Levi felt the urge to groan, but he stifled himself, glancing up at the locked door across the room.
There would be people wandering down the hallway at this time of day. That lock wouldn’t do
them any good if the noises they made could be heard on the other side.

He pulled himself out of his pants and coated himself with a thick layer of lubricant, then gently
began to lean into Erwin.

“Fuck.” Erwin’s shoulders and neck rounding over the top of the desk.

“You okay?”

“Yes. Keep going. Be rougher, if you want.”

“Shit,” Levi rasped, working his way deeper. Once he was all the way in, his teeth clenched. He
couldn’t vent his arousal vocally, so he lightly clapped Erwin’s ass to show his appreciation.

Erwin groaned. “Yes. Harder.”

“My dick, or my hand?”

“Both.”

“What, you want me to spank you?”

Erwin tightened around him, then paused, as if considering. “It would seem that I do.”

“I can’t spank you in your office in the middle of the day, dumbass. Someone’s going to hear us.”
Levi began to thrust quickly, but kept the movements shallow and noiseless.

“Fuck,” Erwin said, the word more of a whimper than a whisper.

“Be quiet.”

“I can’t, not when you’re—” A groan interrupted the sentence, this one decidedly loud.

“Shit.” Levi untied his cravat and looped it around the front of Erwin’s face to cover his mouth,
gripping either end to hold it taut. “There, bite down on that. If this doesn’t work, we’re going to
have to stop, so you’d better shut up.” He began to thrust again.

Erwin’s groans were softer this time, the fabric of the cravat catching most of the noise. It was
getting harder and harder to keep his movements shallow, but Levi kept his focus. If he started
going deeper, the slapping sounds would echo around the room, and who knew how easily sound
would carry through the door? One of them had to keep his wits about him.

Erwin gave a muffled cry, his head dropping again, straining the cravat tight in Levi’s hands. Levi
grunted, struggling to maintain control. Keep it shallow, keep it shallow …

Across the room, the doorknob began to twist.

Levi stared dumbly at it, not comprehending what he was seeing. It’s locked. I locked it.

The door swung open, and Berit and Hange stepped into the doorway.

Levi’s eyes locked onto them. Stunned, he dropped the ends of the cravat.

Erwin’s head snapped up. Both ends of the cravat fell to the table, the middle part presumably still
held between his teeth.

“I knew it!” Hange yelled, just as Berit clapped her hand to her mouth and shrieked.

“Fucking knock first,” Levi snapped.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.” Berit grabbed Hange, who had begun to laugh, and stepped back into the
hallway.

The door closed behind them.

“Shit.” Levi pulled free, fumbling to pull up his pants. “Shit!”

Erwin tore the cravat from his teeth and stood, dressing himself as well. “I thought you locked the
door.”

“I did.” Levi strode across the room and opened the door, testing the lock. The knob twisted, but
the deadbolt didn’t move. “Your fucking lock is broken.” He slammed the door.
“You didn’t double-check it when you locked it?”

“No, I didn’t double-check it, and don’t pin this on me. A lock should fucking work!”

“Well.” Erwin sank into his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “At least we were mostly clothed
and standing on this side of the desk. Do you think they might be convinced we were doing
something else?”

“I was fucking riding you like you were a horse and my cravat was the bridle. I don’t think they’re
going to mistake that for anything else.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” Levi began to pace. “Now what do we do?”

“The only thing we can do.” Erwin sat straighter in his chair. “This was bound to come up
eventually. Let’s face it head-on. Go find the two of them, and Mike as well, for a brief meeting
here.”

“What? Why do I have to do it?”

“Because.” Erwin’s cheeks darkened. “They just saw me gagged by your cravat, and I’m sure my
bare rear was visible from the door. At least you were in a less compromising position. I’ll do the
talking when everyone’s here.”

Levi sighed. “Fine.”

He stormed into the hallway and found Hange and Berit huddled in Berit’s office. As he
approached, Hange started laughing again.

“Shut up, shitglasses,” Levi said. “Both of you, Erwin’s office. Now.”

Without waiting for them to respond, he turned on his heel. Mike was in the cafeteria, eating a
bowl of stew.

“Erwin needs to see you in his office,” Levi said.

“Now? I’m still eating.”

“Now. Bring it with you.”

When he returned to the office, Erwin was leaning against his desk, arms folded defensively over
his chest. The cravat and lubricant were nowhere to be seen. Berit sat on the couch, staring fixedly
at the floor; Hange sat next to her, gripping the woman’s shoulder as if showing support.

Mike stepped into the room carrying his stew.

“Close the door behind you,” Erwin said.

“Don’t bother trying to lock it.” Levi settled against the desk beside Erwin. Erwin cast him a
sidelong glance, but said nothing.

Once Mike was seated, Erwin stood tall, his face solemn.

“Thank you, all, for coming. I’ve asked you here because of an unexpected situation. Two of you
are here because you were exposed to something first hand; the other, because you’ll become
aware of it soon. We had hoped to discuss this on our own terms, but our own careless behaviour
has forced us into full disclosure earlier than we would have liked.” He paused.

Stop dragging this out, Levi thought. You’re just making things worse. Berit was turning purple,
presumably from embarrassment.

“We join the Survey Corps with a goal in our minds and in our hearts,” Erwin said. “Sometimes,
however, the human heart can breed other feelings, feelings that might drown out logic when—”

“Just get it over with,” Levi said. He turned to the group. “We’re fucking.”

Berit buried her face in her hands, but Hange only smirked. Mike’s expression didn’t change.

Erwin cleared his throat. “What Levi is trying to say is that feelings have blossomed between us,
and what you saw was us expressing—”

“Please stop. We get it.” Berit finally lifted her head. “Is it even legal for a Commander to fuck one
of his subordinates?”

“Well,” Hange said with twinkling eyes, “technically, Levi was the one doing the fucking, right?
The Commander himself seemed to be in the receptive position, some sort of gag—”

“Stop.” Berit rocked in her seat. “I’m trying to forget that image.” She suddenly stopped rocking,
looking down at the couch cushion beside her. “Please tell me you haven’t done it on the new
couches.”

“Are you kidding?” Levi said. “Do you know how hard it is to get semen out of upholstery?”

Berit let out a loud, pained groan and covered her face again, and Erwin dropped a hand on Levi’s
shoulder.

“Perhaps you should stop talking for now, Levi.”

Levi shut his mouth and let his gaze trail across the three officers instead. Only Mike seemed to be
quiet so far; his hair was hanging in his face, his arms folded over his chest. His meal sat on a side
table, forgotten.

“I know we’re asking a lot of you by requesting your silence on this matter,” Erwin said. “You’re
correct, Berit: while not outright illegal, this relationship could be considered a conflict of interest,
and neither of us is interested in having our feelings put under scrutiny by the courts, especially at
this early stage. Furthermore, I have certain political opponents to juggle, and I have no desire to
have Levi used against me. If that were to happen, we would all suffer the consequences.” He
stood tall and reached for Levi’s hand, as if they were standing united. “You have my word that
our relationship won’t interfere with either of our duties. Over time, I hope to prove that to you
through our actions.”

The three were silent. Levi felt Erwin’s palm sweating, but when he looked up, Erwin’s face was
as cool as if he were discussing expedition strategy.

“Do you have any questions or thoughts?” Erwin asked. “Hange?”

“I do. Why was Levi the one penetrating? Given your size difference, wouldn’t it be more efficient
if—”

“That’s none of your damned business,” Levi growled, face hot.

Erwin squeezed his hand to silence him. “The way we choose to express our feelings is not up for
discussion.”

“Okay, then I just want to say I’m happy for you.” Hange’s face suddenly became solemn. “We
live with heavy burdens. You most of all, Commander. People shouldn’t have to live every
moment in misery, focused on their duties, no matter what sort of strife they face—it’s a miserable
way to live. I’m glad you’ve found a bit of happiness in this mess. I’ve got research to keep me
happy. Berit has her boyfriend in town. Mike has … ” A pause. “Smelling things? I don’t know
what Mike has. But you two always seemed pretty lonely and serious, so I think it’s good you
found each other. And Levi’s a lot less grumpy when he’s getting laid, so that’s a perk for the rest
of us.”

Levi’s face burned. “For fuck’s sakes—”

“Thank you, Hange. We appreciate your acceptance.” Erwin’s gaze shifted. “Berit?”

“Oh, fuck.” Berit shrugged and shifted uncomfortably on the couch, not looking at them. “I just
need time to get my head around this. The image is burnt into my brain. Just … please don’t have
sex on the couches, okay?”

Levi eyed the couches. The more she spoke about it, the better the idea seemed. Those cushions
have a good bounce to them. Maybe we could cover them in some sort of plastic to keep them
clean.

Erwin studied her. “For what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry you saw what you did. I hope time will
erase the image from your memory. Are you comfortable keeping our secret?”

“Of course. Just be careful, all right?” Her eyes finally lifted. “I’ve known you for a few years
now, Erwin, and I know your ambitions will always take priority, even if this gets messy. I don’t
know Levi quite as well, but he seems the same way. The thing is, not everyone here knows you
two, especially the newer recruits, and if they’d been the ones walking in on you, they could have
run straight to the brass with tales of you shirking your responsibilities. We can’t afford to lose
either of you over something that stupid.”

“Yes,” Erwin said quietly. “That’s very true.”

“And … ” She looked down again. “That whole thing about this upcoming scouting mission—I
want you to think good and hard about it, Erwin. If you chose me, at first, because you honestly
thought I was a better fit, then that’s fine, but if you were just trying to protect Levi, then … ” she
paused. “That can’t happen again. I’m not going to die so that you can keep your fuck buddy safe.”

“I know.” Erwin’s face was grim. “Anything more to say?”

“No.”

Levi’s arm was getting tired from the awkward angle required to hold Erwin’s hand, and the
sweaty palms were starting to bother him. He retracted his hand, wiping it on his pants, and looked
up at Erwin. Are we almost done here?

Erwin gripped the edge of the desk, his stance relaxing even more, almost awkwardly so, as if he
were trying too hard to seem casual. “How about you, Mike?”

Mike stared at them through a curtain of hair. He shrugged.

Erwin tensed. Levi watched him in his periphery, wondering what was silently passing between
them.

“Very well,” Erwin said finally. “Hange and Berit, you’re dismissed.”

“Levi, too,” Mike said. “I want to talk to you alone.”

There was a tension in his voice that Levi had never heard before, an unexpected hardness in his
eyes. “You okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.” The hair-cloaked eyes shifted to him. “We’ll talk later.”

“Okay.” Levi glanced at Erwin. His jaw was clenched, his eyes hard.

He left the room confused, his stomach churning.

The door clicked shut.

Erwin sank to a seat on the couch across from Mike. “I had a feeling you might be upset.”

Mike leaned forward, elbows on his thighs, his hands falling loosely between his knees. “Been
trying to decide how I’d react when you finally came clean.”

“You knew?”

“Ever since Levi didn’t return from the mission. That’s why I kept an eye on you that night, and
good thing, too. After Henrik, I expected sulking, not a suicidal rescue attempt.” Mike rubbed the
bridge of his nose, grimacing. “Thought it was one-sided until I found out Levi was gay, then
everything fell into place. Would have figured it out soon enough, anyway. You two couldn’t be
more obvious if you tried.”

Erwin’s stomach dropped; he had thought they were doing a good job of being discreet. “We
seemed obvious because you know us so well?”

“No, because you’re being idiots.” Mike shook his head. “We’ve known each other a long time,
Erwin, so I’m going to be blunt. I have three things to say to you. One: be careful with Levi.”

The words were a surprise, given that Mike had always sided with him in previous relationships.
“Why does everyone think he’s so delicate?” Erwin asked, irritated, remembering Marie: you’re
going to break him.

“ I don’t think he’s delicate. But you’re under his skin, and he’s under yours, and that could screw
both of you up if things go wrong. I’m going to tell him the same thing. Be careful.”

“Very well. What’s your second point?”

“Be honest: is Levi next in line as Captain because of his skills, or because of all this?”

“Ah.” Erwin sat straighter, trying not to let his surprise show on his face. Mike had never seemed
all that interested in his position on the military ladder. “That’s independent from my feelings for
him, I assure you. You’re being kind enough to be blunt with me, so I’ll show you the same
courtesy. Levi has shown leadership capabilities since before he even agreed to join the Survey
Corps. He’s a natural leader and he has good instincts. You’re one of our strongest soldiers, Mike,
and your instincts are good, too; you should have been promoted to Squad Leader much sooner
than you were. Given a few more years of experience, you’ll evolve into a fine leader. I can already
envision a future where the two of you are my right and left hand men. In the near future, however,
Levi’s the stronger candidate for the role of Captain. You still have some leadership skills to
learn.” He paused, waiting to see how Mike would react.

Mike grimaced, but he said, “Fair enough. I’m not really interested in being a Captain, anyway. I
just needed to know.”

Erwin studied him, trying to get a read on him. “And your third thought?”

“Don’t throw everything away for this. I’ve seen you put yourself and others at risk for him
already, and I bet I’m going to start seeing the opposite, too, if you two aren’t careful.” Mike’s eyes
bored through him. “Humanity needs you to stay focused. I followed you because you use your
head, always, no matter what happens. Or that’s what I thought. Marie didn’t manage to sway you,
but Henrik was a distraction. Don’t let Levi be the same.”

Erwin’s mouth twisted. “I promise you, I can separate my heart and my head.”

“Can you?” Mike asked quietly.

The blood drained from Erwin’s face. Those words, those two little words, spoke to all the
insecurities he had earlier that day, when he had realized he was putting Berit’s squad at risk just to
keep Levi safe. And even after that realization, even after he had thought everything was under
control, he had let himself get caught in a compromising position like a horny recruit.

All it would have taken was anyone else—anyone except his officers—walking through that door,
and everything would be over. His dreams, his goals, his ambitions. He had come so close to
throwing it all away.

“I’m aware of my own shortcomings in that area now. I swear to you, Mike, it won’t happen
again.” The words felt like a lie.

Mike nodded, looking convinced. Fear bubbled in Erwin’s stomach. Is that true? Do my goals still
come first? During the gala, he had come to realize that he wouldn’t have been able to leave Levi
behind the way he had left Marie. Did that mean all his goals were disposable so long as he was in
love with Levi?

What am I doing? How can I pretend I would sacrifice anything for the sake of humanity, when I
already know that’s no longer true?

“That’s everything.” Mike’s voice startled him back to himself. “I’m going to go find Levi.”

“Go easy on him.”

“Sure. Just going to tell him what I told you.”

The two men rose to their feet and stood tall. Though Erwin was still shaken, he kept his face
placid, biting back the doubts that threatened to rise to his lips: I didn’t mean for this to happen. I
lost control. I don’t know any more if I can separate my heart and my head. Instead, he said, “Do
you believe I’m capable of successfully balancing love with my goals?”

Mike’s head cocked a little, as if he were instinctively moving to get a better scent on him, even
though his nose wasn’t working properly. “If you say you can do it, then I believe you.”

Erwin forced a smile and gave his arm a friendly clap. “Thanks, Mike. If you have any other
concerns, please don’t hesitate to talk to me about them.”
Mike nodded, then left the office.

Once the door had closed behind him, Erwin sank to a seat at his desk, clutching at his throbbing
temples. His doubts were snowballing. Stupid, all of this was stupid. Fifteen years of good service,
and in the past few weeks, he had risked everything in a series of asinine decisions. Staging a
drunken rescue attempt, sneaking around the base for stolen kisses, dancing on gala rooftops, sex in
his office—had he really thought none of it was going to catch up with him? Had his foresight
really been so blinded?

He sat at his desk and pulled out the bottom drawer. His graveyard. The framed picture Henrik had
drawn for him sat on top. Now, when he picked it up, he didn’t remember Henrik—all he could
think about was that first personal conversation he and Levi had shared over drinks. Levi wasn’t
just overpowering old dreams; he was overpowering old memories, too.

He shifted the frame aside. Below it was a handkerchief, monogrammed with an “E.” He lifted it to
his nose and breathed in. Marie’s perfume was still detectable, albeit faint. Below that was an
assortment of trinkets: a copy of the letter formally informing him of his promotion to Squad
Leader. A coaster from the last time the 86th Trainees Squad had gone out for drinks before they
left to their separate branches. The ring of a fellow graduate who had died during an early
expedition, with no surviving family. In fact, there were several bits of jewellery here; he had
carried each of them on several missions after their owners fell. Now he couldn’t even remember
who some of them had belonged to. Some had been friends. A few had even briefly been lovers,
but he couldn’t even remember which trinkets had been theirs. What had been so important in that
moment was only useless junk to him now.

Is this Levi’s future? Will he eventually be a cravat or a small wooden dog stuffed in this drawer, a
new lover’s memories gradually overpowering my memories of our time together?

He shifted the surface contents aside to reveal an old, worn book at the bottom of the drawer. His
throat tightened as he opened the front cover, tracing the words elegantly written in ink.

Or has Levi marked me deeply enough that I will always remember the timbre of his voice, the
light in his eyes, long after the passage of time should have dulled my memories? There’s no
question that he’ll die for humanity, at my hand. Will the knowledge that I killed him haunt every
waking moment for the rest of my life? Will it shape every decision I make from that day forward?
Can I afford to let my life be shaped by yet another ghost?

He released the cover as if it had burned him, letting it fall closed, but he didn’t even need to read
the inked words to hear them in his mind. ‘Erwin, may you never stop dreaming, and may your
quest for knowledge always drive you forward. Love forever, Papa.’

A sharp breath left his lips. He leaned back and rubbed his face with his hand, closing the drawer
with his foot.

What the fuck am I doing?

He grabbed a bottle of ale from the cold stores, then made his way to the abandoned part of the
base and stepped through the hidden door with the false lock—at least this broken lock was useful
for privacy, he thought bitterly. He found his way to the ladder and climbed to the hatch, then
stepped onto the old guard tower. The sun had already dipped below the horizon, the western
clouds a brilliant orange. The colour reminded him of the rooftop dance he had shared with Levi
under the sunset. We could have easily been caught there, too. What is it about him that makes me
ready to throw everything away for him?
As he sipped the ale and looked out over the city, he struggled to realign his priorities. Anything
they shared together was fleeting light in a field of darkness; he was deluding himself if he tried to
assign it any more importance than that. Love didn’t matter, not in the grand scheme of things. All
that mattered in this world were the titans, along with everything—everyone—that stood in his
way.

The two of them were meaningless, he and Levi. Disposable. It was foolish to get so attached when
both of them were sure to die.

It seemed unlikely the titans would ever be able to touch Levi, unless he got caught off guard by a
teammate’s blunder as he had during their last expedition. Would it be Erwin’s political gambles
sending both of them to the hangman’s noose for treason? Would it be Wallist extremists, the one
his sister had warned- no, he wasn’t ready to think about his reunion with her yet. He was dealing
with enough as it was.

He closed his eyes, but now he only saw his new recurring nightmare, the one where he, titan-
sized, devoured Levi. That’s how it will end. There’s no way around it. Why are you risking
everything for a soldier you’re going to consume?

By the time he had finished his ale, the orange had faded from the evening sky and the temperature
was beginning to drop. He set the bottle to the side and gathered his legs close to his body.

The hatch creaked behind him; he turned his head to see Levi step on to the roof. Erwin’s pulse
raced at the sight of him, and he silently cursed his own weakness.

“There you are,” Levi said. “Couldn’t figure out where you disappeared—” He stopped mid-
sentence. “Are you crying?”

Erwin turned to look across the city again, blinking a few times.

Levi’s voice softened. “Look, it’s not a big deal.” He settled to a seat next to him, staring across
the city as well. “They’ll keep our secret, and now we don’t have to feel like we’re hiding from
everyone all the time. They can even help us have some privacy now and then.” He pressed a
finger to the tip of the empty bottle, idly tilting it. “Besides, it’s not like anyone expects you to stay
celibate.”

“What we were discussing earlier today,” Erwin said. “About how I can’t afford to put everything
at risk for love now that I’m a Commander … ”

The bottle froze in place. “Yeah?”

“Even after that discussion, I risked it all again for a quick thrill.” His head dropped. “I’ve lost all
perspective. I don’t have any logic around you, Levi. No control. I have to be in control, above all
else—it’s my greatest strength, one I’ll need to utilize if we are to defeat the titans.”

After a few beats, Levi’s hand curled around the bottle. He lifted it to his nose, his inhale creating a
slight whistle across the bottle’s mouth.

“I’m sober,” Erwin said quietly.

Levi set the bottle on his other side, then gathered his knees, mirroring Erwin’s posture. His head
tilted back, gaze fixing on the sky above them. “So. What do you want?”

“I don’t know, and that terrifies me, because I know what I should want. I see now that I can’t trust
myself the way I thought. I should want clarity. I should want focus. I should be pushing away all
distractions. All that happened today … ” His voice faded. “It can’t happen. The titans must come
first. Always. I cannot let anything stand in my way, even my own emotions. I’m disposable.
You’re disposable. Why do I keep losing sight of that? Why do I keep taking risks to be with you,
when we’re supposed to be focusing all our energy on saving humanity from extinction?”

Levi was still for so long that Erwin’s mind began to drift. He felt the heat curling off Levi’s body;
his own flesh burst into goosebumps in response. The night air was surprisingly chilly—or maybe
he was just more vulnerable than usual right now, more sensitive.

Finally, Levi spoke, his voice dull: “Stop dancing around it.”

“Around what?”

“Are you breaking up with me or not?”

The words were a surprise, but at the same time, they made perfect sense. Erwin began to shiver.

“If that’s where you’re going with this, then just do it. I get it, and I’ll still be loyal to your
command,” Levi said. “I just need to know before I get even more attached.”

Marie’s voice echoed in Erwin’s mind: you always choose titans, in the end. He wrapped his hands
more tightly around himself, drawing his legs closer to his body. “I know what my answer needs to
be, so why can’t I bring myself to say it?”

After a few minutes, Levi’s palms pushed into the floor, and he stood. “I never intended to be a
burden.” There was no bitterness in his words, only sadness, and Erwin’s heart twisted.

The hatch closed behind him.

Darkness crept across the city. Erwin’s hand wrapped around the cold pendant at his throat as he
shivered alone on his perch.

Late that night, he tossed and turned, the bed too hot with the blankets, too cold without. His mind
wouldn’t stop churning. He had gotten up twice already, once to jot down ideas about how to deal
with the new Council members, another to record a weapon idea to discuss with Hange. Burying
his mind in strategy was the only respite from the confusing emotions that swirled within him.
Levi’s last words echoed in his mind, their sad tone haunting him.

Footsteps sounded down the hallway, a faint glow of light appearing under the door crack. The
sound stopped outside his door, the glow stilling.

Erwin sat up, ears strained.

The doorknob turned, and then Levi stood in the door frame, dark circles under his eyes, dressed in
only his pyjama bottoms. Their gaze held.

Hope, sadness, relief, and worry swelled within Erwin like silt stirred by river currents, flooded
through him. “Levi,” he said, the word cracking.

The narrow mouth twisted. “I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I.”

“It’s your fucking fault, you know.”

“I know.”

“All of it.”

“I know.”

After a moment, Levi closed the door behind him, then locked it and double-checked the door. He
paced toward the bed, setting the candle on the desk as he moved past it, not breaking his stride
until he reached the bed. He stared down his nose, his expression neutral.

Erwin shifted over, leaving room for him on the bed. An offer. His heart beat in his throat as he
waited.

The silver gaze bored through him.

Erwin lay on his side and placed his hand palm-up on the middle of the bed. “Please, Levi. Just for
a few minutes. I want to explain what I’m feeling—rationally, this time.”

Levi eyed it for a moment, then climbed under the covers. He lay on his side staring at the open
hand.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin whispered. “You aren’t a burden.”

Emotion rippled across Levi’s face, almost too quickly to see—tensing lips, a crease between the
brows. His hand reached out, curled with hesitation, then finally lay atop Erwin’s. Heat swirled
between their palms, and Erwin couldn’t tell which of them was trembling. Maybe both.

“Did you figure out what you want?” Levi whispered.

“I want to rid this world of titans. I want to ferret out all humanity’s enemies and destroy them so
that future generations can be free. And I want you at my side.” Erwin swallowed hard,
intertwining his fingers with Levi’s. “I must offer up our hearts, everyone’s, but today I realized I
can’t offer yours. I’m not strong enough, Levi. I don’t want to see you die, knowing it was my
fault. I don’t want you to become a half-forgotten trinket in a box, a fading memory.” His thumb
drifted across Levi’s knuckle. “But that’s my dilemma, because I can’t afford to compromise my
goals the way I have been. How can I uphold my role as Commander of the Survey Corps if love is
going to make me this selfish?”

“Then don’t offer up my heart. Let me do it instead.”

Their gaze locked. “What do you mean?”

Levi shrugged. “Look, you asked me to think about my leadership style. The way I lead is by
instinct: I look around me and make snap decisions. That’s how I worked in the Underground, and
it’s how I’ve worked since I joined the Survey Corps.” His fingers curled around Erwin’s. “This
morning, you said that as your Captain, I’ll stand beside you as your peer, right? So put the burden
of life or death on me. Let me decide how and when to risk myself. I’ll still follow your orders—I
always will—but let me operate independently within the greater plan. Let me move around the
battlefield and make my own decisions about when to risk myself and my team, according to my
instincts.”

“You want me to give you your own autonomy on the battlefield?”

“Yes. That way, if I die, it’ll be because I made a bad judgement call, not because you gave the
order. You won’t have to carry the guilt. Besides, we both know I’m more useful if I’m allowed to
break away and follow my instincts. It’s been that way from the very first time I took down a titan.
I’m not cut out to blindly follow orders all the time.”

Erwin studied their joined hands, considering. He had already been aware that their ranks would be
different from the usual positions of Commander and Captain. Levi excelled with minimal
supervision; his initiative was one of his greatest strengths on the battlefield. They had the
potential to be a formidable team: with his strategic acuity and foresight, and Levi’s instincts and
battle skills, they could complement each other’s weaknesses and become greater than the sum of
their parts.

More than that, the words were showing that finally, after so much struggle, Levi finally
understood that they were equal, just two men, two dreamers with freedom in their hearts.

Maybe we can make this work.

“ When we return from this expedition,” Erwin said, “we’ll discuss what your role as Captain will
entail. I like the idea of you acting with greater freedom than the role would usually allow.” His
grip tightened. “We can lead the Corps together, side by side. Your heart is yours to offer.”

“Good, then that’s one less thing for you to worry about. And we’re also going to calm the fuck
down, all right?” Levi shifted closer. “No lovey-dovey shit in public, no sex unless we’re sure
we’re behind locked doors, no dumb strategic decisions.” His face fell. “If you want to stay
together, I mean.”

“I told you, Levi, I want you at my side.” Erwin’s throat ached. “If you’ll still have me.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Levi said softly.

Erwin leaned closer, intending to kiss those narrow lips, but stopped. Did he have the right to kiss
him, after all the hurt he had caused?

But Levi was already inching closer, his eyes on Erwin’s mouth.

Together, they closed the gap. The kiss was brief and soft, once, twice.

“I’m sorry, Levi.” Erwin shifted halfway onto him, flattening him against the bed, and kissed him
again. For shutting him out, for not being strong enough, for breaking his own oath to separate his
heart and his head: “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Levi’s hands slid across the back of his neck, gently drawing him closer.

Erwin’s body still ached from the interruption before, but these kisses were too important to rush,
soft and apologetic, thick with emotion. He savoured Levi’s taste—mint on the surface, rosemary
and yeast on his breath below that, and that deeper taste that was uniquely Levi, the one that made
his heart pound in his temples. How could I have considered giving this up? He heard himself
gasp, heard Levi echo it, and he shifted more of his weight onto the small body. His head tilted to
the side, the tip of his tongue skimming Levi’s lips, then deeper, deeper. Levi arched beneath him,
a rumble sounding in his throat.

Starting to get caught up in the moment, Erwin shifted again, crouching over Levi on all fours.
Their kisses slowed, then broke apart.

Levi reached up to grip Erwin’s neck, a thumb running across his throat. “I want you.”

“The door is locked for sure this time, right?”

“Yeah. I checked it.”

“Then I’m yours.” Erwin bent down to drag his tongue along the underside of his jaw.

“No, I mean I want you. ” Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin’s waist and drew him in, centering
him between his legs.

Slowly, Erwin pulled away from his neck to look down at him, certain he was misunderstanding.

“Don’t make me put it into words.” Levi’s cheeks were dark. “‘Fuck me’ is too raunchy for the
mood, and ‘make love to me’ is too corny.”

It was difficult to breathe. Erwin forced air in, and it shuddered on the way out. “Are you sure?
There’s no pressure—”

“I know that. But we’re going to work together side-by-side, right? So maybe I should trust that
you won’t hurt me. Besides, I’m going away on a dangerous scouting mission, and if I do decide
my heart needs offering, I don’t want my last regrets to be about how I should have tried taking it
up the ass from you.” His gaze had drifted to the side as he spoke, showing his underlying
discomfort in spite of his confident tone. “Maybe I’ll like it. Maybe I won’t. Only one way to find
out.”

Erwin cupped the narrow jaw. “Levi. Look at me. Is this something you truly want? Or are you
offering out of obligation?”

“Look, maybe I’m a bit nervous, but … ” The slim brows were pinched, his breath coming in
small, quick puffs. “I want to try it.”

Erwin’s breath escaped in another shudder. He bent down for a series of kisses, speaking between
them: “I’ll be gentle. So gentle, Levi. I promise.”

“I know.”

He slid his palm down Levi’s bare stomach, feeling the soft line of hair down its centre. As his
palm slid over the fly of Levi’s pants, Levi closed his eyes and thrust up into it. “Shit. I guess we
have to be quiet, huh?”

“Yes, it really wouldn’t do for Mike to overhear us. We’ve put him through enough today.” Erwin
smoothed down to the inseam, then back up again, feeling the bulge harden. “I haven’t taken over
the Commander’s room yet—it’s against an outside wall, so it would give us some privacy. Maybe
I’ll rearrange the Officer’s bedrooms, put you right next to me, so we have a buffer around us when
you spend the night with me.”

“One of these days, I’m going to teach you proper pillow talk.” Levi squirmed as the hand slid
beneath the waistband. “Oh fuck, your hand is burning hot.”

Erwin leaned in to kiss him again, slowly stroking him. He kissed down the narrow neck, across
his collarbone, down to a nipple. Even though he knew Levi wasn’t responsive there, he lingered
for a minute, enjoying the feeling of it on his tongue, between his lips. He likes heavy pressure, he
thought, and he pinched it experimentally between his teeth. He heard a strangled gasp above him,
felt a throb in his grip. Maybe I’ve just been too gentle with him.

As he worked his way down one side of Levi’s abdomen, kissing and nipping the skin, Levi began
to squirm again. Erwin pulled down his waistband, closing his mouth over him. The harder he
sucked, the more Levi’s back arched, so he kept the suction strong. It felt so good to bring him
pleasure after bringing him so much misery earlier that day; he poured all his effort into his actions
as an apology. As he began to move up and down, he saw Levi’s hands curl into the blanket.

He slowed, taking a moment to lick the tip. “I wish I could hear you moan.” He wondered if it was
too late to spirit him away to his apartment in town.

Levi looked up, his cheeks dark, eyelids low. “No, this is better. I’m going to be self-conscious
enough as it is, so I’d probably be too shy to be loud, anyway.”

Erwin couldn’t understand censoring one’s moans—he had never been good at censoring himself
—but he respected that everyone’s comfort levels were different. “Then I’m glad you won’t feel
pressured to be noisy for me.” He pulled the pants further down and began to drag his tongue
lower, lower …

“Hey.” Levi caught his hair. “Not there.”

He never would have dared show it, but Erwin felt his stomach sink. Don’t push him. This is all
new territory for him.

“ My apologies,” he said sincerely, kissing a line back up to the tip. He ran his tongue in a circle
and breathed in, tasting him. Then, he pulled away and stood. “One moment.”

“Where are you going?” Levi asked, a brow creasing.

“There’s lubricant in my bag.” His personal belongings were leaning against the wall; he had
brought the bag here from his office before going to bed, but had been too upset to unpack. He
knelt down and began to rustle through it.

“You brought it with you? I thought it was in your desk.”

“I bought a second bottle while I was away.”

“Yeah? Did you use it?”

Erwin turned to look over his shoulder; Levi lay on his back, his hand slowly stroking between his
legs. “You really like the idea of me touching myself when you aren’t around, don’t you, Levi?”

“Maybe. Did you use it?”

“Yes, twice. I was planning on another session between those two times, but Sahlo’s leer around
his hired women was too off-putting.” Erwin’s hand closed over the bottle. Between Levi’s interest
in the topic and the scene that had played out between them in the office before he left, he was
starting to get an idea.

He pulled the chair away from his desk and set it facing the bed.

“What are you doing?”

“Here.” Erwin tossed him the bottle.

Levi caught it one-handed. “Erwin?”

“I’m going to touch myself for you. While I’m doing it, I want you to do whatever you need in
order to get yourself relaxed and ready for me.” He studied Levi’s face, hoping his suggestion
would be agreeable.
“Shit. Yeah. Okay.” Levi slid off his pants and tossed them on the floor, then knelt on the bed. He
poured oil onto his hands, one hand dropping to his front, the other to his back.

Erwin sat in the chair. Holding eye contact, he slid his palms down his chest, his abdomen, then
between his legs. He slouched down to get comfortable. At first, he felt self-conscious, but then he
heard a sharp intake of breath from the bed. Encouraged, he grabbed himself through the fabric of
his pants, letting his head roll along the back of the chair. He thrust into his hands a few times. It
felt good to be watched like this, better than he had expected. It’s like I’m offering myself to him as
an apology.

Levi’s back was arched and stiff, his hand still working behind his back. His other hand lazily
stroked his front, the slick oil glinting in the candlelight.

Their eyes locked again, and Erwin pulled his pants off his hips, exposing himself. Levi’s stare
was so narrow and strong that Erwin felt self-consciousness trickle over him like ice water. Why
was that so arousing? The intensity between them reminded him of sparring, as if their locked arms
were straining against each other again, wrestling for control. He rolled his head to the side to
expose his neck, letting his lips part a crack, and began to tug at himself.

On the bed in front of him, Levi was biting his lip, his abdominal muscles twitching. Erwin bit the
inside of his cheek to stifle a groan, more turned on by the sight than he had expected. In a few
minutes, I’m going to be inside that beautiful body. He shuddered, his muscles tightening.

“Fuck,” he mouthed, not trusting himself to keep his voice down if he tried to whisper.

Levi’s head was beginning to tilt back, his bottom lip white from the force of his teeth. Heat surged
through Erwin’s body, catching him off guard. Fuck! His hand froze and his eyes squeezed shut.
For a moment, he thought he might tip over the edge, but after a few deep breaths, the danger
faded.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to come already,” Levi whispered, the words laboured.

“I need to touch you.” Erwin pulled off his pants and slung them over the arm of the chair, then
stood. He leaned on the mattress on one knee, lowering himself to Levi’s level and drawing him in.
Their bare chests pressed together. Levi’s skin was so warm and fuzzy that Erwin shifted against
him, enjoying the sensation of their chests rubbing together.

He reached behind Levi and gripped his wrist, coaxing him to pull out, replacing the finger with
his own. He found him surprisingly relaxed. Levi’s breath caught.

“Let’s use a bit more oil than that,” Erwin whispered in his ear. He pulled back to find the bottle of
oil, then generously slicked two fingers. This time, he used both, pressing gently into him. “Is that
okay?”

“Fuck,” Levi whispered. “It feels so much better when you do it.” His body was slack. Erwin felt
hands claw into his back, as if Levi were trying to hold himself upright.

“How are you feeling?” he whispered, kissing his neck. “We can keep doing this for a while, if you
want. Or would you like to try something else?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin kissed his neck again, then stood. He passed a handkerchief to Levi, certain he’d appreciate
the opportunity to wipe his hands. He did the same, then set the soiled handkerchiefs aside.
His heart pounded as he returned to the bed. Levi lay on his back, watching him.

It’s really going to happen. Erwin crouched over top of him, smoothing dark hair off the creased
forehead.

“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” Levi whispered. “Just do it.”

“Okay.” Erwin cupped the underside of Levi’s thighs and pushed them toward the bed, tilting his
hips up. He would have liked to thrust a few times along the surface first, teasing him, but it
sounded like Levi wouldn’t appreciate the delay. Maybe another time.

Instead, he gripped himself and began to enter.

Levi’s brows knotted together.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Keep going.”

Erwin slowly worked his way deeper, gently rocking. His teeth clenched, his mind reeling: I’m
inside him. He was about halfway in now; he struggled to hold back a groan.

“Shit!” Levi gasped. He grabbed Erwin’s biceps, his grip so strong that Erwin froze.

“Do you want me to slow down?”

“No. I don’t know.” Levi’s eyes were barely open, his brows forming a peak. “It’s too much,
Erwin. It’s too much.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Erwin asked, alarmed.

“No. No, it’s good, it’s just … It’s too much. I don’t know how to … ” His voice trailed off and
his grip tightened.

Erwin smoothed a hand along the wrinkled forehead. He couldn’t understand what he was trying to
say, but his discomfort was clear. “It’s okay, Levi.” He slowly began to pull out.

“Wait, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay. Here, sit up. We’re going to switch positions.” Erwin helped him sit up, then lay on his
back instead. “Straddle me,” he said, guiding Levi by the hips. “I’m sorry, I should have thought of
this from the start. You’re in control. Take it as slowly as you need.”

The creased brow began to relax. Levi leaned down for a kiss; Erwin caught his jaw, tongue
slipping deep into his mouth. When Levi pulled away, he looked more like himself again, less
frightened. He gripped Erwin and centred himself, then began to work his way onto him.

Erwin let out a long breath, running his palms across the small, flexing chest. He had spent so
many late nights imagining this moment, more than he would admit to himself, but his imagination
hadn’t been able to touch what he saw before him now: Levi’s jaw barely cocked to the side with
determination, his pupils large, lips parted to show clenched teeth. Oh fuck, Levi. Erwin ran a
thumb to the hollow between Levi’s collarbones, then up his trachea, up his chin, along that
narrow bottom lip.

Levi barely seemed to notice; he stared at nothing, still working up and down, pushing a little
further with each motion. The need to stay silent was increasingly frustrating. Erwin wanted to
listen for those little noises he had become familiar with so he could tell if Levi was enjoying
himself or not. His face didn’t give any clues.

Then Levi surprised him: a soft grunt left his lips as he pushed down hard on the last few
centimetres, taking him all the way in.

Erwin tensed, feeling muscle tighten around him. He gripped the narrow hips, fingers curling into
the flesh.

“You feel that, Levi?” he whispered, delirious. “I’m inside you. Oh fuck, I’m inside you.” He
thrust up tighter against him, holding back a cry, venting it as a shuddering breath instead.

Levi ground into him, his breath harsh. “Holy fucking shit.”

“Still doing okay?” Erwin asked, sweat beading on his temple from self-restraint.

“Look at you.” Levi’s breaths were coming too quickly. “Look how much you’re enjoying this. Oh
shit, I can actually reach your mouth when we do it like this.” He bent forward so they could share
a long kiss. His hips began to tilt to different angles with each thrust. Erwin could tell he was trying
to figure out what felt best for him.

They fell into rhythm, taking it slowly at first. Their mouths pressed together, sometimes kissing,
sometimes exchanging soft breaths and grunts in place of the moans and cries they’d usually use to
communicate.

After a few minutes, Levi slowed and rested on one elbow. His face was red, sweat beading on his
temples and upper lip. “I’m so clumsy and shitty at this.”

“Clumsy?” Erwin whispered, surprised. He flexed a few times, pulsing inside him. “Can’t you feel
what you’re doing to me?”

Levi’s breath caught, and his eyes fluttered closed. “Yeah. Yeah, I can. This is just … different. I
don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re doing fine.” Erwin gripped his hand and drew it in, delivering a slow kiss to his knuckles.
“Would it make you more comfortable if I took charge again?”

“Yeah.”

“Lie on your side facing away from me.”

His brow furrowing a bit, Levi uncoupled from him and lay on his side. Erwin spooned up behind
him. One hand clamped around Levi’s chest; the other gripped his upper thigh, moving it forward
to bend the leg at an angle.

“The good thing about this position,” he breathed into Levi’s ear, “is that I get to grope you from
behind while I’m fucking you.” He squeezed a pectoral muscle with his hand, thumb circling
around the nipple. His other hand reached between them, guiding himself in. Levi gasped and bore
down on him, taking him all the way in again.

Erwin let out a soft groan. He hadn’t expected that much enthusiasm. “You’re so warm.”

Levi gasped again, melting back against him. “Grab me.”

Erwin reached down to grip him, and Levi’s hand closed over his. They began to stroke him
together in time with their thrusts.

“How’s that?” Erwin nuzzled the back of his ear.

“Good.” Levi’s whisper was staccato, as if he were having trouble forming words. “Harder.”

Erwin grunted and began moving with more force. He kissed along Levi’s neck and upper back.

“Oh shit, you’re so fucking hard,” Levi whispered. His head began to roll back, his spine arching.
Erwin caught him under the chin with his free hand, holding his head in place, and kissed the
corner of his jaw, then down his neck, pinching the skin with his teeth.

“Erwin—” the word melted into a humming sound that rose in pitch.

“Stay quiet,” Erwin whispered gently, even though the sound was making him glow. He wasn’t
going to last long, not at this rate. He closed his mouth over the ridge of muscle between Levi’s
shoulder and neck, trying to muffle the cries that were building beneath the surface. He could feel
that Levi was getting closer, too, the muscles of his torso beginning to twitch and jerk.

“Faster,” Levi gasped.

Erwin squeezed his eyes shut, his body tightening. “I can’t. I’ll lose control.”

“Good.” Levi’s head barely turned, one eye fixing on him. “Fuck me hard.”

Erwin didn’t realize, until he heard those words, just how badly he needed them. A moan caught in
his throat, and heat flooded his body. He began to move faster, harder.

Levi pushed Erwin’s hand away from his groin, taking over. Erwin gripped his hip instead. His
other hand grabbed Levi’s jaw, palm resting on his throat, elbow on his chest, forcing the small
body down on him over and over to counter each thrust.

“Come on, Erwin,” Levi breathed. “Lose control.”

Erwin’s vision blurred. His world had narrowed to those words and the feeling of Levi’s body
sliding against his, tight around him. Stay quiet, he reminded himself, even though he couldn’t
remember why. He pressed down on Levi’s hip, shoving him into the mattress, and then leaned on
him, half-mounting him.

Levi blasted a voiceless cry into the pillow. “I’m going to come.”

Erwin buried his face in the back of the slender neck and moved faster, gasping for air.

“Ah, fuck!” Levi whispered. His body stiffened, then began to shudder, his limbs vibrating at the
crest of each wave.

The rhythmic clenching was too much for Erwin. He curled protectively around him and drove the
last few strokes hard. A rush engulfed his groin and mind, a high so powerful that electricity
danced across his skin and his mind glowed white.

When the last pulse faded, he was left with limp muscles, sweaty skin and an overwhelming desire
to sleep. The silence was a stark contrast to the harsh breaths and chaos a moment before. His ears
rang.

He was just beginning to succumb to the warm haze when Levi nudged him with his shoulder.
“If you’re going to fall asleep, at least roll off me first, or you’ll suffocate me.”

“Sorry.” Erwin rolled onto his back, eyes still closed.

Levi leaned over him, presumably retrieving the handkerchief. “Fuck, what a mess. Is there a trick
to cleaning this up?”

“Yeah.” Erwin’s lips curved into a smile. “Don’t let me come inside you.”

“Helpful.” There was a long pause, then his voice jolted Erwin awake again: “You know, that …
wasn’t bad.”

It was a struggle, but Erwin managed to crack one eye open. Levi was sitting beside him. His
cheeks were dark, mussed hair hanging in his face. He looked surprisingly shy.

“Yeah?”

Levi shrugged. “Once we figured out how to make it work, anyway. Do you know how fucking
hot it is when you lose control like that? It’s almost like … ” He stared fixedly at the handkerchief,
folding it into quarters. “It’s almost like, if you feel about someone the way I feel about you, you
end up wanting to do stuff they enjoy, because the way they react makes it the hottest thing ever to
you, even if you never would have thought of doing it if they hadn’t wanted it.”

Just say you love me, Erwin thought, but he understood his hesitation, especially after all the
uncertainty of the day. That was his fault. Guilt trickled over him, ice cold.

Levi stood. He tugged the covers out from beneath Erwin and draped them over him, then pressed
his lips to his forehead. “Get some sleep.”

“Wait.” Erwin caught his arm. “Stay.”

“I thought we were going to try to be more careful?” In spite of the words, Levi didn’t pull away.

“It’s fine.” Erwin’s thumb caressed the flushed skin. “We know the door is locked this time.
There’s no risk. Stay.” The other officers would cover for them if they accidentally slept in. They
had allies now—at least that benefit had come out of this mess of a day.

After a long pause, Levi crawled under the covers. “I made a giant wet spot on top of the blanket.”

“Here.” Erwin clumsily moved closer to centre, taking the spot himself—he couldn’t feel it
through the thick blanket, anyway. He spooned up behind Levi. Now that they were cuddling
instead of having sex, it felt like a completely different position, a different dynamic. Safe. Cozy.

His eyes began to close, but he struggled to stay awake for a few more seconds. There was one
more thing that needed to be said.

“Levi,” he whispered, groggy. “I still don’t know if I’m making the right decision, but I want you
to understand: I may have doubted whether or not we should be together, but I never once, not for
one single moment, doubted that I love you.”

He tried to stay awake for the response, but sleep was relentless, and warm, and welcoming. Levi
was silent for so long that he finally gave in.

As he was just drifting off, he heard the whispered words he was waiting for, though he couldn’t
tell if they were real or imagined:
“I love you, too.”
 Conversations
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you for your kind words, crits & comments after the last chapter! I really
appreciate you taking the time to read and THEN taking the time to let me know what
you think. It means the world to me! I also want to give a huge shout-out to Tumblr
user comicforadults, who drew a lovely piece of fan art for this fic! It's been posted to
my tumblr here (http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/99943395551/) and is hot hot hot!
Thank you so very very very much. I am blown away that my little fic inspired you to
draw something so lovely. T_T

Previous chapter: Erwin tries to cut Levi out of the upcoming scouting mission to
protect him, but gets called out for it. They try to have sneaky sex on Erwin's desk but
OOPS the lock is broken, and Hange and Berit walk in. After a talk with the officers
about their relationship, Erwin begins to question if he should really be pursuing the
relationship after all. After a near break-up, Erwin & Levi make love, with Erwin
penetrating for the first time. It's a bit awkward at first, but they get the hang of it.

-19-

Conversations

“Knock it off,” Levi said, directing Erwin’s roving hand away from his bare bottom. “I have to get
going.”

“We could probably sneak in one more round, if we’re quick.” Erwin’s kisses began to trail from
his neck to his ear.

“You going to be able to get it up this soon?” A hot tongue ran along the inside border of Levi’s
ear, and he shivered.

“Probably not.” Erwin’s voice was a low rumble in his ear. “But my tongue and fingers work just
fine.” His hand trailed down to Levi’s tailbone.

“I told you, nothing in my ass. I’m going to be sitting on a horse for a fucking week.” Levi pulled
away and sat up. “Why are you so clingy all of a sudden? Don’t trust me to stay alive?”

Erwin looked up at him, his features settling into flat lines. The solemn expression contrasted with
his flushed face and mussed hair, which was sticking out in all directions. Levi shook his head and
combed it back into place with his fingers.

“Don’t look so serious. When I get back, you can play with my ass all you want, okay? Maybe I’ll
even try taking your dick again.”

Erwin’s brows perked, but he only said, “You might be saddle sore.”

“Then you’ll just have to be gentle.” Levi bent down and kissed his lips.
“I’ll do my best.” Erwin pulled him back in for another kiss, this one longer. When he pulled away,
he tucked a strand of hair behind Levi’s ear; it promptly fell in his face again. “Maybe I’ll even
arrange for overnight leave for both of us, so we can go to my apartment. I want to hear you moan
for me.”

“Sure,” Levi said, and although his heart raced at the idea, discomfort tightened his throat. Letting
Erwin ride him had been a pleasant enough experience—hell, by the end there, it had felt pretty
fucking amazing—but a part of him was still self-conscious about what he was supposed to do
during the act. Clench his muscles? Counter-thrust? Swirl his hips? Until he figured that out, he
would be too distracted to moan. Maybe these were questions he should be asking Erwin, but he
didn’t want to draw attention to his own deficiencies.

I need to relax about this stuff. He thought of Erwin needing more wine during their first time
together, and suddenly understood. He smoothed a thumb along a thick blond eyebrow. I never
would have thought it when we first met, but we really are a lot alike.

“ Levi?”

He traced a line to the sharp cheekbone, crossing over the faint, barely visible lines that were
beginning to form in the corner of the blue eyes. “Make sure you bring wine. I’m going to need a
drink or six after spending a week with Hange.”

The lines crinkled. “Of course. We’ll have an evening of wine and romance. And since you’re
likely to be stiff and sore, I’ll massage you. Everywhere. Outside … ” He leaned up to brush
another kiss against Levi’s lips. “And inside.” His hand tightened around Levi’s ass.

“Stop it. I have to get going, and I’m not going to fit into my pants if you keep pawing at me.” Levi
batted his arm away and stood. “Comb your hair before you go out there. You look like you’ve just
been fucked.”

“Are you giving me orders?” Erwin swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to straighten
his hair. “To think that a few minutes ago, you were speaking so nicely to me. Pleading, even.”

“Shut up,” Levi said, trying to pretend he wasn’t amused. He wiped himself off with a damp cloth,
then pulled on his uniform and his gear.

Once they were both fully dressed, Erwin handed him a comb and bent down. “Would you mind?”

“Sure.” Levi parted his hair—most of it had naturally settled into the part already, anyway—and
carefully combed it. “So if you bleach your hair, why don’t you have any roots?”

“I wouldn’t say I bleach it, per se. I just comb a bit of bleach through it once in a while, to help it
lighten naturally in the sun.”

“I see,” Levi said, even though he didn’t really understand the distinction. He combed the last few
strands into place. “There. Your hair’s getting a bit long.”

“Yeah, it’s about a week from becoming unmanageable. I’ve been too busy to see my barber. I’ll
go sometime before you return.” Erwin stood tall, and now that he was perfectly coiffed, the faint
flush on his cheeks was the only indication he’d been biting his pillow a few minutes earlier. “Oh,
I almost forgot.” He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small envelope. “Read that
sometime tonight. Make sure no one else sees it.”

“Okay.” Levi tucked it into his inside jacket pocket, wondering if it was orders for the mission or
something more personal.
Erwin pressed a hand to either side of Levi’s face and bent down for a kiss that left both of them
gasping for air when he finally pulled away.

“Be careful,” he said softly.

“Stop acting like I’m never coming back. I’ll see you in a week.” Levi’s voice cracked around a
lump in his throat. It’s not going to be this difficult every time we’re separated, is it? We’re going
to be spending a lot of time apart when he’s in the Capital or I’m on patrol, so we’d better get used
to it.

Steeling himself, he picked up his gear case, turned and marched for the door, Erwin on his heels.

When they arrived in the courtyard, their teams were already settling into formation: four teams of
five people each. Two carts near the back of the formation carried their supplies.

“There you are.” Hange dismounted and hurried over. “I wanted to send a search party out to find
you, but I was worried about what they might stumble across.”

Levi’s face settled into a scowl.

Behind him, Erwin cleared his throat. “Our delay was my fault. Levi and I were going over some
last minute orders. Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, everything’s ready. Thank you, Commander.” Hange turned to Levi. “Eld saddled your horse
and restocked your saddle bags. We should head out now if we want to reach the checkpoint by
mid-afternoon.”

“Be careful, both of you,” Erwin said. “While your data will be valuable to the upcoming
expedition, your lives—and the lives of your teammates—will be infinitely more so. Do not take
any unnecessary risks. Be sure to protect your mental wellbeing as well—the two of you recently
went through such an ordeal that you may be more vulnerable than you think. If you feel
uncomfortable at any point, pull back.”

“Stop worrying.” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “We’ll be fine.”

“My apologies if I’m being a bit too thorough. What happened last time was a bit of an ordeal for
me, as well.” Erwin reached out to grip each of their shoulders. “Good luck.”

Guilt flickered in Levi’s stomach. He hadn’t spent much time thinking about how traumatizing his
supposed death had been for Erwin. No wonder he was being so weird and clingy. Levi reached up
to awkwardly clap his shoulder. “We’ll be fine.”

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, then turned and walked away, back straight and stiff.

Hange leaned close. “Last minute orders, eh? Who was giving the orders to whom, I wonder?”

“Shut up.”

“I meant that as a double entendre.”

“I know what you meant, you pervert.” Levi tore his gaze from Erwin’s departing back and began
to move into position.

“Levi, wait.” A hand closed over his shoulder.

He sighed and turned, ready to snap, What? Hange’s pale face stopped him.
“What he said about being emotionally vulnerable … ” The goggled eyes darted to the left, then
the right, as if ascertaining they wouldn’t be overheard.

“Oh.” Levi’s irritation waned. “You okay?”

“I think so, but I’m a little shakier than usual. And I have this heavy feeling in my chest and
stomach.”

“Huh. You seemed fine after we got back. I didn’t think it was bothering you.”

Hange’s gaze dropped. “I was so grateful to be alive that it didn’t really bother me, at first. But the
more I think about it—”

“Don’t think about it. You’ll be fine. You’re going to see your first titan, go bat-shit, and forget
anything bad ever happened.”

“I suppose.”

“You okay?” he asked again, fishing for a different answer this time.

“I think so. Yeah.” Hange looked up, a spark of excitement finally showing in the dark eyes.
“Yeah, let’s do this.”

The scouting party rode to the wall in tight formation. A small crowd had gathered in the streets for
their sendoff—surprising, given that this was such a small mission. Berit’s team stood atop the
wall; the Squad Leader fired a green flare as the formation approached, signalling that the titans
had been cleared from the area around the gates.

“Give the speech,” Levi said. “I’m no good at that stuff.”

“Oh.” Hange turned to face their teams, voice gaining strength. “We chose you for this mission
because you’re the cream of the crop. Your strength, skill and speed will be integral to this
mission, and the information we bring back will be integral to the success of the upcoming
expedition. The reclamation of Wall Maria begins with its first step, here, today. Prepare to
advance!”

The team hollered, raising their swords. Levi gave Hange a nod of respect. Not as good as Erwin,
but not bad.

The gates opened.

As they crossed under the shadow of the wall and into the sunlight on the other side, Levi took a
deep breath, letting the crisp air fill his lungs. In one short year, nature had reclaimed these lands:
no garbage, no body odour, no sewage, nothing but the taste of a wild, free land.

Berit’s team had done an excellent job of clearing out the titans, leaving the road empty. They rode
in a huddle until the road widened, then they spread into an inverted V formation, its apex at the
back. The carts rode at the centre back of the V, a small defensive team riding behind it. The
remaining teams stretched out in groups of three, forming the right and left flanks.

Levi rode in front of the carts with Eld and a new recruit named Sonja. In Erwin’s absence, it was
his job to direct the formation using signal flares. His head already ached as he tried to consider
everyone working together at once; he was accustomed to considering only a small, immediate
team. And there are only twenty of us. How the hell does Erwin keep track of the entire regiment at
once?
Even though it was late spring, the weather was still abnormally cool. The breeze sent a chill
through Levi, raising goosebumps on his neck. If it was this bad when the sun was up, it was going
to be even colder at night. At this rate, the entire scouting party was going to have to huddle
together for warmth while they slept; the decrepit checkpoints were sure to be even draughtier than
their headquarters in Trost. If Erwin had been along on the mission, huddling together would have
been welcome, but Levi didn’t relish the idea of sleeping against someone who was practically a
stranger. His nose wrinkled. It’d be even worse after a few days, once everyone became sweaty and
stale.

His mind lingered on the much more pleasant notion of being pressed up against Erwin. After their
near break-up, something had changed in Erwin. They no longer sneaked little risky affectionate
gestures in public, but once the bedroom door was closed—and locked—Erwin was all over him. It
was as if their fight had broken through his last defensive wall. They had shared the same bed
nearly every night that week.

Levi’s body glowed as he reviewed his memories from that morning: the beautiful contours of
Erwin’s muscular ass jarring and rippling in front of him, the slew of curses Erwin had pressed
deep into his pillow, the way his entire body had seized with orgasm.

“Squad Leader,” Eld called, pointing to the west. Red flares had gone up from the right flank.
Titans.

“Thanks.” Focus, you idiot. The terrain was hilly enough that Levi couldn’t get a look at the titans
they had spotted, but his number one priority was avoiding combat where possible. He fired a
green flare to redirect the formation away from the threat. Green flares rippled through the
formation on either side of him as the teams confirmed his directions, and he felt a wave of
satisfaction. It felt as if he had his fingers in every piece of the formation, turning it in the direction
he wanted to go. That depth of control was so like Erwin. He wondered how the regiment had
managed to function before Erwin had devised the formation. Each mission must have been
chaotic. Catastrophic.

As they continued the push toward their first meeting spot, Levi stayed alert, scanning the horizon.
Other than a few red flares here and there, the ride was quiet. Three hours in, one of Hange’s squad
members rode over to him:

“The clearing up ahead, sir.”

Levi nodded and fired a white flare, signalling for the formation to begin to pull in. They’d take
half an hour in the clearing to rest the horses and stretch their legs.

While Hange directed a few scouts to surveillance positions around the perimeter of the clearing,
Levi turned to Eld and Sonja.

“You two, ride to the top of that hill before you take your rest.” He pointed south. “The valley
below it was called out on the map. Could be high-traffic.”

“Sir,” they said in unison.

Levi dismounted. He was just hooking up his horse’s feedbag when Hange approached.

“Titans are quiet today.”

“Yeah,” he said without looking up from his task. He was about to hear an explanation whether he
faked interest or not, so he wouldn’t bother putting in the effort.
“I wonder if it’s because it’s been so cloudy lately?” Hange stepped closer and patted his horse
affectionately on the neck. “I still think weather is connected to titan activity. Everyone seems to
think it’s only sunlight, but we’ve encountered titans early in the morning before, and some seemed
more active than others. Besides, those three I killed alone during the last expedition were so
sluggish—maybe heat is involved, too? Given that their temperatures run so hot—”

“Three?” Levi interrupted. “I thought it was five.”

“Oh.” Hange’s stance shifted back and forth. “Three, five, who can remember?”

He turned back to his horse. “Look, I don’t give a shit about kill counts, but keep your story
straight if you want to have any sort of credibility with your squad.”

“Well … ” A pause. “Ever do that thing where you blurt out something that isn’t true, but it’d take
too long to explain why you lied, and you don’t even know why you did it, so you have to commit
to the lie? And it makes you feel like shit every time it comes up again?”

“If you thought before you spoke, that wouldn’t happen.” He finished hooking up the feed bag,
then rubbed his horse’s nose. “You wanted something?”

“Oh, right.” Hange pulled out a small bag and held it out. “I have a task for you sometime during
this mission, whenever it’s reasonably safe. I want you to use one of these when you’re in close
quarters with a titan. Let me know how it reacts, in as much detail as you can. If you can do it more
than once, that would be even better.”

He rifled through the bag and pulled out a shell. It was shaped like a flare, but its casing was metal.
“What is it?”

“A little something from the lab.”

“A new weapon? Did Erwin okay this?”

“Well … ” Hange shifted again. “He told me not to bring any new weapons, but this is something
the MPs already use, just in a new setting. It’s a stronger type of sound round than the ones we use
—it makes a loud noise at a frequency that stuns—”

“No,” Levi said, pushing the bag away.

“Fine. I should be able to get enough data by myself.”

“You’re not going to use them, either. We’re supposed to be scouting, not running experiments.”

Hange’s jaw set. “If this works—if it stuns them the way it would stun a person—we’ll have an
effective way to safely escape close-range encounters.”

“And if it doesn’t, you’re going to deafen your teammates and attract the attention of every titan in
the area.”

“Give me some credit. I’ll only test it out in low-risk settings.”

“You know what I think, shitgoggles?” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “I think you’re
emotionally vulnerable after what happened on the last expedition, so now you’re hell-bent on
proving that you aren’t afraid of titans, that you have what it takes to head up the research team.
Relax. You don’t have to do all that right away. This is just a scouting mission—all we have to do
is get back alive with information about the route and it’ll be a success. Go have a snack, take a
shit in the trees, and then focus on the mission.”

There was a long pause as the Squad Leader’s brows slowly lowered over the goggles. “I know
you’re going to be Captain one day, Levi, but you don’t outrank me yet. I’ll do what I think is best
for the Corps.” With a curt nod, Hange walked away.

Levi watched, his jaw tight. That could have gone better.

“ Sir,” Eld said, riding up to him. “Lots of titans to the south.”

“How many? Are they close together or spread out?”

“At least fifteen, maybe twenty. They’re spread out, and there doesn’t seem to be an easy route
through them.”

“Shit.” Levi turned. “Hey, Hange, get back here. Bring your map.”

The two Squad Leaders spread the map on the ground and crouched around it, along with Eld,
Sonja, and Hange’s new assistant, a man by the name of Moblit. Sonja began to mark Xs on the
map with graphite, replicating the titan layout to the best of her memory.

“Don’t forget the two here.” Eld tapped a blank spot—the one space where Levi had thought they
had room to manoeuvre.

“Shit,” Levi said again.

“What if we go east first and avoid the meadow?” Moblit slid a finger to a gorge.

“No visibility,” Hange said. “We’d be sitting ducks in there—unless we have spotting teams
running along the crest on either side of it, but then they’d be the sitting ducks. And the mountains
to the west are too steep to navigate at full speed; we’d have to walk the horses, and who knows if
the carts can handle the terrain? Straight through the meadow is the only realistic option.”

“Realistic,” Levi repeated, staring at all those graphite Xs.

For several minutes, they were silent. He closed his eyes and tried to tap into old strategic
knowledge he hadn’t used in years. When outnumbered by great odds on the streets—or before that
—what would he have done? Probably pull the targets onto me and give the others time to escape.

His eyes opened. “We need a decoy team. Small enough to move quickly, but large enough to keep
the titans contained if we need to engage. Maybe two people? If I take Eld to this location—” He
tapped the densest area of the map. “I can use one of your sound rounds, four-eyes. It’ll draw the
titans in.”

Hange’s face paled. “You two can’t fight that many titans at once.”

“You believe the rounds will stun them, right? One round to stun the nearest titans and draw the
others in. Another round to stun the remainder after they’ve gathered around us. You lead everyone
else through the empty space we’ve created. Meanwhile, Eld and I slip away through the stunned
titans. If it gets messy, we work together to hold the titans’ attention while the rest of you escape.”

“Levi.” Hange sat back, frowning. “Erwin said not to take any unnecessary risks.”

“He also said not to try out any new weapons.”

“It’s too dangerous. I don’t know if the rounds will stun them or not. That’s why I wanted to try a
round on a single titan, separate from a group. If it doesn’t work and you get swarmed, you’ll be on
flat ground. The two of you wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m not even sure our entire group could
handle that many.”

“Fine. Then give me a better plan. We have to get through somehow. If we stay here and try to
wait them out, they might swarm us here, and these trees are too low to give us an advantage.
We’d be fucked.”

Their gaze held, then Hange looked back at the map, brow furrowed with concentration.

“Well?” Levi asked, hoping there was some plan he hadn’t considered.

“Shit,” Hange muttered.

“We can do it,” Eld said softly. “We just have to run the horses as hard as we can. If we get
overwhelmed, we could head for the trees here and switch to 3DMG.” He pointed to a cluster of
trees to the south. “Yeah, they’re short trees, so it’s not much better than being on the ground, but
it’s better than nothing.”

Levi turned to look at him, impressed. He hadn’t expected any strategic thinking out of the quiet
man, at least not so soon. Eld’s intellectual scores as a trainee had been fairly strong, but he was
young, only a year out of training. Most people his age didn’t have the life experience necessary to
think on a large scale. I did, but my story’s not normal.

“ Okay, we’ll do it,” Hange said reluctantly. “But if you get stuck and head for the trees, fire off a
red flare. We’ll have a team circle toward the trees to assist.” Turning to Moblit, the Squad Leader
added, “Are you getting all this, Moblit?”

“Yes, Squad Leader.” The assistant frantically scrawled notes in a book.

“Good. Erwin’s going to need every detail so he can think about how we’re going to get an entire
army through this bottleneck. But for now—” Hange thrust the bag of sound rounds at Levi. “Take
them all. You might need them.”

Levi stood and turned to Eld, face grim. “You sure you’re up for this, Eld?”

Eld nodded. “I’m the best equestrian on the squad, sir. I won’t let you down.”

“Good man.” Levi made a mental note to buy him a drink after the mission was over.

He let Hange announce their plans to the team, taking a moment to himself to eat and drink. His
hand trembled as he recapped his water flask, and he frowned. Pull yourself together.

Fifteen minutes later, he and Eld approached the apex of the hill on horseback. Half the spare
sound rounds were in his saddlebag, half in Eld’s.

They crested the hill. The meadow opened up below them, full of flowers, bathed in sunlight, and
crawling with titans. The hair on the back of Levi’s neck stood on end. He took calm, steady
breaths, and his focus narrowed to the titans and Eld and nothing else. He took in the titans’
positions and movements, plotting the safest route to their target location.

“Follow me.”

The horses burst into the meadow at a full gallop. Levi entered his battle state of mind, thinking not
in words, but in movements and observations. A titan ahead of them looked up. Its arm had barely
started moving toward them, but Levi had already reacted; his horse darted out of reach. The hoof
beats of Eld’s horse kept pace behind him. The titan’s hand whiffed them both, kicking up a breeze
that ruffled Levi’s cape.

Two wandering titans closed a gap ahead of him. Levi abruptly changed course, and now his pulse
was racing in time with the hoof beats. Slow, steadying breaths. There was no time to worry, no
time to think. Instinct would carry him through.

Fifty metres to the target location. Forty. He guided them in a speedy semi-circle around a
particularly interested titan, confusing it, before getting back on track. Thirty. Twenty. He loosed
his flare gun, raising it high in the air; he covered one ear with his shoulder, the other with his
spare hand.

“Cover your ears!” He pulled the trigger.

Even with his ears covered, the sound round was so loud that he felt it boom in his chest.

His world tilted.

The box of pomegrenades began to fall toward the earth. Levi spun on his heel and tried to run, but
not quickly enough. A flash. The explosion knocked him into the air; he twisted and landed hard.
Red flares fired in every direction above him. Pain rocked his head, his vision blurring, his lungs
refusing to suck in air, darkness closing in—

“ Squad Leader,” Eld cried.

Levi blinked. “Shit!” Of all the times to finally remember the explosion during the last mission …
He forced himself into the present.

The two titans nearest them were stunned and shaking, but two others were unaffected—and all
around them, others were converging on the source of the noise, some charging from halfway
across the meadow.

It’s working. We’re opening up a route for the others.

Levi’s hands tightened into the reins, his knuckles white. There were too many titans closing in.
Even if the next sound round managed to stun half of them, he and Eld would still have far too
many to deal with by themselves. The contingency plan to lure them to the tree line and request aid
from Hange’s group was still an option, but now he could see the trees for himself, and they were
only three or four metres tall. That was barely better than flat ground—maybe even worse, if small
titans were hiding among them. Besides, the trunks were too thin to support their weight, so the
trees couldn’t even function as grapple points.

The best option is for everyone to run. There’s no need to risk the entire group just to save me. I’ll
hold the titans off as long as I can, then slip through the fray to meet up with the others.

He set his jaw and clicked a blade into place.

“Sir?” Eld called.

Levi led them out of the line of a charging titan, then dropped back to ride beside him. “Once we
pull the rest of them in, I’m going to drop a few titans to carve an opening for you. Take it. Lead
my horse to safety and put in just enough distance to stay out of danger. When I fire a third sound
round, bring her back toward me, but stay out of the fray. If it’s too messy, bring her back to the
group and don’t look back. I’ll find you later.”
Eld’s eyes widened. “Squad Leader—”

“Don’t argue. This is the best way to keep the group safe. Get ready to cover your ears.” He stood
on the saddle, his muscles straining to keep him balanced, as he prepared to engage his gear. The
approaching titans were almost in range. Just a few more seconds …

He covered his ears and fired another sound round, then leapt from his horse, sinking an anchor
into a stunned titan’s shoulder.

One, two, three titans dropped. He sank his anchor into the head of a fourth and, mid-arc, scanned
his surroundings. Hange’s group was crossing the meadow without any resistance. Eld was already
threading his way through to the outside of the pack of titans, using the openings Levi was giving
him.

Levi hacked the flesh out of the fourth titan’s weak spot, breathing heavily. Bouncing between
moving titans gave him no rest, and his muscles, accustomed to working in shorter bursts, were
already aching. He gritted his teeth and landed on a titan’s head to catch his bearings. He was still
in the thick of the pack; titans surrounded him three or four deep in every direction.

He cursed under his breath and leapt in time to avoid a swatting hand, sinking his anchor into
another shoulder. His blades sank into a fifth nape.

The cut was sloppy. Blood spattered across his face, steaming as it dissolved, and for a moment,
his vision was obscured.

His grapple missed its next target, and he began to plummet.

“Shi—” The ground slammed into him, knocking his breath from his lungs. He rolled, barely
avoiding a stampeding foot.

“Fuck!” He leapt to his feet and sliced deep into the achilles tendon of the titan that had nearly
stepped on him. As it fell, he bolted forward, not bothering to finish it off; he had to get higher. The
writhing mass of bodies above him obscured any obvious grapple points. His eyes ticked between
them.

An enormous hand plunged toward him. Levi braced himself in stance, slicing the fingers off as
they tried to curl around his body.

A red flare shot into the sky.

Then he heard a yell, saw Eld descending onto the titan in front of him. The titan’s eyes rolled into
its head as it began to fall. Eld swooped toward the next titan, but a hand batted him mid-air. He
cried out, barely recovering in time to land safely on a stunned titan’s head.

Grateful for the opening, Levi sank his grapples into the nearest target, snapping his body up to its
shoulder level. His blades carved the side of its neck, and he twisted, directing the cut into its weak
spot.

In the corner of his eye, he could see Eld frozen in place, still standing on the titan’s head.

“Eld,” Levi hollered. Eld’s face was slack, his eyes wide. He’s panicking.

Behind them, he heard puffs of gas canisters.

Sonja and Gunther burst into his periphery, working together to fell a titan next to him. Several
titans turned their attention to the duo.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Levi propelled himself to Eld. His eyes were vacant.

“Snap out of it, idiot.” Levi wrapped an arm around his waist. He propelled them both through the
opening Sonja and Gunther had made for them, then landed outside the fray, shoving Eld toward
his horse. Eld stared dumbly at it for a second.

“Move,” Levi barked. Behind him, he could hear their rescuers dropping a second titan. He
mounted his own horse. “Sonja, Gunther! Get out of there.”

The two landed and mounted, steam trailing from their clothes; they began to ride hard toward the
rest of the group. Levi turned toward Eld and saw him struggling to pull himself into the saddle.

Two titans began to break away from the confused group and charge toward them.

Levi gritted his teeth. He was so exhausted that he didn’t trust himself to take them both out
without a struggle. They had to outrun them. “Eld!” he roared with as much authority as could
muster.

Eld jumped. He glanced at Levi, recognition coming over his face, then put one foot in the stirrup
and pulled himself up. They began to gallop—just in time. The titans broke into a sprint behind
them.

“Oh fuck,” he heard Eld yell. “Oh fuck, oh fuck—”

“Shut up and ride!” Levi leaned close to his horse’s neck. “Come on, girl,” he murmured, more
grateful than ever for the speed and strength of Survey Corps horses.

By the time they had caught up with the rest of the group, the two titans were falling behind.

“Levi,” Hange called.

“Keep going,” he yelled, scanning the group to assess their situation. The horses pulling the carts
were flecked with sweat. Fully laden, there was no way they could outrun titans even if they were
fresh, and they were nearing exhaustion. The gap between them and the titans was beginning to
narrow again.

“Shit,” he muttered, deliberately dropping to the back of the pack.

Hange turned to look at him, eyes so wide he could see the whites even through the goggles.
“Levi!”

“Go!” He pulled a sound round out of his saddlebag and loaded the gun. He couldn’t remember if
these two titans had been stunned or resisted it before, but there weren’t many options left. Once
the gun was loaded, he slowed his horse, waiting until the titans were a little closer, a little closer
…

The ground shook with the footsteps of the approaching titans.

Now!

Levi’s horse darted east. The titans began to follow him.

“That’s right, you ugly bastards,” he muttered. “Come get me.” He narrowed his eyes, leading
them away from the group. The throng of titans they had left behind was out of sight now; he
hoped they were out of earshot, too.

Covering his ears, he fired.

One titan stopped, stunned, but the other kept running.

At least one was better than two. He clenched his teeth and sank a grapple into the titan’s forehead.
As he arced toward the titan’s back, the enormous eyes locked onto him.

A hand snapped up and grabbed one of his wires.

Shit! Levi immediately released the other wire and pulled into a spin, attacking the inside of the
titan’s elbow to sever its muscles. The arm fell limp; the hand released the wire. With a yell, Levi
used a burst of gas to propel himself up to the shoulder and around the neck, spinning and cutting
as he moved. A chunk of flesh flew from the titan’s nape, and the beast began to sink to the
ground, steaming. Levi burst from the steam and sprinted toward his horse.

As they galloped back to the group, sweat ran down Levi’s forehead and into his eyes. He wiped it
with the back of his hand, then grimaced as he smeared the steaming remains of titan blood across
his face. Even though he knew they’d dissolve soon enough, he pulled out a handkerchief and
began to mop his forehead.

He glanced behind them. There were no more pursuers. One corner of his mouth curled into a
smirk.

When he caught up with the group, Hange turned briefly to look at him, then looked away, face
pale. Eld was still riding near the back, sobbing unabashedly into the back of his hand.

Levi rode up next to him. “Eld. Good job.”

His eyes squeezed shut and he curled tighter into his hand. Levi’s heart sank. He hasn’t been here
long. I shouldn’t have asked him to risk himself like this so soon.

“ It’s okay,” he said. “We made it.”

“I panicked.” Eld’s words were barely understandable through his sobs. “I’m so sorry, Squad
Leader. I let everyone down.”

“We made it,” Levi repeated. “It’s okay.” He wasn’t really sure what else to say. On one hand, it
was important that Eld chastise himself for freezing up—that could have put the entire team at risk.
On the other, who wouldn’t freeze up when surrounded by more than a dozen man-eating giants?
Even Levi had panicked.

He turned to Sonja and Gunther and found them staring straight ahead, faces ashen. “You two did
well, too. Thanks.”

They nodded, but seemed too shaken to speak.

Once they had made it through the meadow, the valley opened up before them, no titans in sight. A
small, abandoned village lay in ruin on the horizon to the southwest. Their checkpoint would be
about an hour south of there, an old Garrison patrol outpost. Today would be spent securing it and
preparing it for use by the expedition two weeks from now. Tomorrow, they’d begin fanning out to
scout the silos.

They spread back into formation and only encountered two solo titans on the way to their
destination; they were easily avoided without conflict. By the time they arrived at the gates of the
checkpoint, the entire group was still intact. Levi felt a swell of pride. Not a single death—not bad
for two new Squad Leaders.

Hange dismounted and examined the gates. “It’s locked, and we don’t have a key. I guess we can
climb over and break it open.”

“Let me take a look.” Levi rummaged through his saddlebag for the lockpicking tools Erwin had
given him. The lock was rusted, so it took some brute force, but after a few minutes, it gave way.
The gates creaked open.

The checkpoint was a mess: half of it had crumbled, and vines and overgrowth had nearly
consumed the other half. As the scouting party walked their horses toward the stables, Levi’s nose
wrinkled.

“What a fucking mess. We need to fix up this place before we do anything else.”

“We have other priorities,” Hange said.

“Look at these walls. You want titans climbing up the vines? My teams are going to start cleaning
before we do anything else.”

“No, your teams are going to patrol the area to make sure we’re really secure.” Hange’s jaw jutted.

What are you so pissy about, four-eyes? “ Okay, then your teams are going to clean—”

“—are going to examine this place for structural integrity, and you and I are going to talk.”

Levi blinked, surprised by the tension in the other’s voice. “I guess the cleaning can wait.”

Once the teams had been sent on their tasks, Levi leaned against a tree near the wall, folding his
arms over his chest. Hange approached, shoulders hunched and tense, fists clenched.

“Why are you so pissed?” Levi asked. “Did you accidentally shit yourself during the ride?”

“What the fuck were you doing back there?”

The harsh tone was so unexpected that his arms tightened around his chest and he curled into
himself. “What?”

“When you were fighting the titans. You weren’t supposed to engage them. The plan was to run to
the woods if you needed help.”

“Did you see those trees? They would have been worse than flat ground; it would have endangered
the entire group. Besides, I sent Eld to safety, so I was only risking myself.”

Hange spoke through clenched teeth: “How do you think the Commander would have taken it if I
had to tell him you died because you went charging headfirst into a herd of titans, on flat ground,
with no backup? After he warned us not to take unnecessary risks?”

He had never seen Hange so angry. Guilt twisted his stomach, but his brows dropped. “Don’t use
Erwin to try to manipulate me, shitgoggles. It wasn’t ‘unnecessary.’ How else were we going to get
through? The situation changed, so I made a call. And I tested your fucking sound rounds—don’t
you want to know how that went?”

Hange turned away, but not before Levi noticed the dark eyes filling with tears. His stomach
knotted, and he let out an irritated sigh.

“Now you’re crying? What the fuck, Hange; what’s this really about? I figured you’d want me to
charge in to test your shitty sound rounds. Hell, I thought you’d be the first one to charge in there
with me.”

“I froze,” Hange said, voice cracking.

“What?”

“When you deviated from the plan. I had no idea what to do. I froze. How can I lead a squad if I
can’t even react to one little situation change? We have to be flexible or everyone could die.”
Hange’s voice faded: “Erwin was right. I’m still emotionally compromised from what happened
last mission. I shouldn’t be out here, Levi, not yet.”

He stared, not sure how to respond. “You sent Sonja and Gunther to assist us, and that was exactly
the right thing to do.”

“No, they left on their own. Even they knew how to act in an emergency. I just sat there.” Slowly,
Hange sank to a crouch. “It’s like the last mission, after the explosion, when I froze up and went
for the trees instead of the silo. It turned out okay, but only by fluke. I have lives riding on me now
—I need to make better decisions on the fly.”

Feeling guilty, Levi remembered chastising Hange for that particular decision during the last
expedition. He hadn’t meant to sow the seeds of self-doubt.

He knelt down and grabbed the ponytailed head, tilting it until they looked each other in the eyes.

“How long have you been in the Survey Corps, Hange?”

A pause. “Two, three years?”

“And you were in research before that, right?”

“Yeah.”

He lightly smacked the back of Hange’s head. “Then stop thinking you should know how to react
on the field. It takes years to train your instincts, and it’s not like you can prepare for it by studying.
I’ve been fighting for my life since before you were born. So you froze up; big deal. We all do,
sometimes. Learn from it and move on. We’ve got to survive a week out here, and your team needs
a leader, not a shitty, snivelling whiner.”

“I see.” Hange slowly stood. “Thanks, Levi.”

“Sure.” He stood, too. “And I don’t care what you say; this place is getting cleaned top to bottom
before the day ends, or we’ll all die of lung rot in the night.”

“We don’t have cleaning supplies.”

“I brought plenty.”

“Oh. Then I guess we can do some cleaning after all.” Hange began to follow him to the carts.
“Let’s meet up tonight after dinner, all right? Just you and me. I want to go over Erwin’s orders one
last time.”

Erwin’s orders. Levi suddenly remembered the envelope stowed in his inside jacket pocket.
Curiosity almost spurred him to find a quiet area straight away, but Erwin had specifically said to
open it that night. Instead, he vowed to throw himself into his work so the day would pass quickly.

And so, the teams worked together to secure and clean the checkpoint. By evening, Levi was
exhausted, but the checkpoint was clean enough to meet his standards, and the area was secure.
While they ate their evening rations, he and Hange announced the next day’s tasks to the team.
They were to avoid engaging titans wherever possible, instead noting down their positions and
travel patterns. There was more to discuss, but several of the team members were yawning, some
falling asleep in place. The Squad Leaders dismissed them, giving them permission to settle in for
the night.

“Levi and I will take the first watch.” Hange’s head cocked at Levi. “Come on.”

He wanted nothing more than to read Erwin’s letter and then fall asleep, but he thought of Hange’s
near-breakdown earlier that day and decided an hour or two of company would be tolerable.

They climbed up to the guard tower. This was one area they hadn’t cleaned, and Levi wrinkled his
nose as his hands closed over dusty ladder rungs. They snuffed the torches and sat side by side at
the top of the tower. Hange pulled out a bottle.

“You really think it’s a good idea to drink while we’re on watch?” Levi asked.

“A few swigs will be fine. It’s been a long day.” Hange took a few swallows, then handed it over.

Levi sniffed the drink, then, finding the scent pleasant, pulled the sleeve out from under his jacket
to carefully wipe the mouth of the bottle. The liquor was some sort of brandy, and he found himself
reluctant to pull the bottle away.

“Hey, not so much.” Hange grabbed it out of his hands and capped it again.

Carefully straightening his sleeves, Levi said, “You feeling any better about earlier?”

“Yeah. You were right; I need to learn from it and move on. Put it behind me. I’m starting to get
excited about this whole thing again. Observing titans without engaging them is going to be
interesting.” Slim fingertips drummed the neck of the bottle. “How are you doing? Missing
Erwin?”

He ignored the sidelong glance and knowing grin. “How dependent do you think I am? It’s been
less than a day.”

“Not at all. You can miss someone without being dependent. It’s not like you’re freezing up out
here or neglecting your duties or anything.” Hange looked thoughtful for a moment. “It was when
you were at the Capital, right?”

“What was?”

“When you hooked up.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “None of your business.”

“Oh, come on.” Hange smiled. “You miss him, right? It might help to talk about him.”

“You’re just being nosey.”

“Of course I am. I’m a sucker for romance.”

“Really?” Levi raised a brow. “I thought you said you weren’t interested in romance.”

“In others, it’s intriguing.” Hange’s face softened. “I said I’m not interested in romance for myself.
Not anymore.”

The words were pronounced like the beginning of a conversation. Levi’s stomach was glowing,
and he was lonelier than he had expected, so maybe this was a good time to have a deep talk. Their
discussions back in the tree had been pretty interesting, after all, and Hange had talked to him after
he had stormed out of the officer’s meeting not that long ago. It was his turn to listen. He quickly
scanned the horizon, ensuring there were no titans approaching, then settled back against the wall.

“You must want to talk about something important,” he said. “You look like you’re holding in a
fart.”

“Feels like it.” Hange’s lips curved into a sad smile. “Do you remember me telling you that a
person’s professional skills shouldn’t be questioned because of mistakes they made in their
personal life?”

“Yeah. What was that about?”

Hange glanced at him. “You sure you want to know? It’s a long story.”

“Then pass me the bottle first.” Levi snatched it and took another swig. Once he had swallowed, he
handed it back. “Okay, go ahead.”

“Before I joined the military, I was working in a weapons research facility in Karanese District.
Faked my university credentials and lied about my age; I was good enough in interviews that no
one caught on.” Hange swirled the bottle, then took another sip. “I started work as an entry-level
lab assistant, but my depth of knowledge and my enthusiasm caught my boss’s attention. He made
me his personal assistant. He was a scientist and entrepreneur, tall, young, charismatic, quick
smile. I was smitten.”

Levi tried to imagine the Squad Leader smitten with anything except titans. “Did you get all hyper
and weird around him?”

“Yeah, and I kept tripping over my words and getting flustered. I guess he must have found that
endearing, because we started sleeping together a couple months after my promotion.” There was
that sad smile again. “I thought it was love. Maybe it was, I don’t know. We spent most of our time
talking about new prototypes. He had an idea for an explosive cannon shell that made two
explosions—the first one localized, the second one scattered. Sort of smaller bombs nested inside a
large shell. He thought they’d be good to clear out titans that had congregated around the gates, as
focusing on one at a time was ineffective. It was a tricky concept to nail down, because the inner
bombs had to scatter in the initial explosion, but not actually explode for another second, so the
casing had to heat to a very specific temperature range before the inner explosive material could
ignite. We tried a few alloys—”

“I don’t care,” Levi said.

“Right.” Hange’s cheeks darkened. “Anyway, my boss was a good entrepreneur, but he was a
sloppy scientist. My calculations showed that the initial blast was going to be far larger than he
anticipated. There was a seam in the protective material around the inner bombs that meant they
would explode with the initial blast, making it catastrophic in size. It could have been easy to fix—
we just needed to rework the design and the seam a bit—but he got offended when I brought it up.
Berated me in front of the team and belittled my research. I was so young and inexperienced that I
took every word to heart. He loved me, so why would he get so angry unless I was truly in the
wrong?” The smile faded. “The thing about science is that it doesn’t matter what your ego tells
you; the numbers don’t lie. We tested the prototype the next day, and my calculations had been
correct. Some of my teammates were crushed beneath the rubble, others were caught in the fire.
The media and the investors questioned my boss for gross negligence.”

The silence was so long that Levi shifted, folding his arms over his chest. “That’s not where the
story ends, is it?”

“No.” Hange was staring at the stone floor, fingers tracing a seam between blocks. “Their
investigation uncovered my calculations, so attention shifted to me: I was responsible for the
written proof that we knew about the explosion risk in advance. Somehow, when they focused on
me, they uncovered our affair. Turned out my boss was married with two kids. The media started
questioning what kind of person would sleep with their married boss, and started digging into my
past. Suddenly they were threatening to question everything I didn’t want to discuss, from my
university credentials to my gender. They were painting me as untrustworthy, saying I had no
morals and had willfully helped my boss bury my calculations.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. But where I saw the potential end of my career, my boss saw an opportunity. He pinned the
entire incident on me and my inexperience: I was just some naive kid who had made a series of
blunders. He fired me and I was stripped of my credentials. The investors and media were satisfied,
and they backed off.” Hange’s fingers curled into a fist. “To this day, I don’t know if he was so
quick to use me as a scapegoat because he was trying to protect himself, or because he wanted to
quickly put an end to their investigation to save me from further scrutiny.”

Levi stayed silent, but he could guess which of the options had been foremost in the man’s mind.

“Whatever his motivations,” Hange said, “I couldn’t get a job in research after that. I changed my
name and joined the military because I had nowhere left to go.”

Do any of us use our real names? The Survey Corps really is a refuge for broken freaks. “It’s shitty
as hell that all that happened to you.”

Hange half-laughed, half-snorted. “Yes. Yes, Levi, it really was shitty as hell. And by that point I
was six or seven years older than most trainees, so training was shitty as hell, too. I suppose it was
worth it, because now I’m here, and Erwin’s going to finally let me do research. But I’m done with
love, after that mess. And like I said, I’ll never, ever judge anyone professionally based on their
love life. Not after what happened to me.”

“One shitty boyfriend and you’re giving up on love?”

Hange shrugged. “For now. I have too much else on my mind.”

“You can just turn it on and off like that?” Levi asked, surprised. “Don’t you ever want anyone?”

“I get dumb little crushes now and then, but they don’t impact me that much. They’re fun to
entertain, and that’s about it.”

“Yeah?” Now they were verging on gossip, but Levi was relaxed and enjoying the conversation.
“Like who?”

Hange’s cheeks darkened. “Oh, I don’t know. You remember that tall redhead who was in Berit’s
squad? Darren, I think it was. I had quite a crush on him for a while.”
“Hm, your taste isn’t bad,” Levi said, remembering the broad shoulders and muscular ass.

“I like tall men, but he wasn’t very bright. We wouldn’t have had anything to talk about. If I can’t
hold a conversation with someone, they don’t hold my interest.”

“You’re too picky. It’s not as if there’s much time to talk when you’re horizontal.” He glanced
over, curious. “Wait, tall and smart is your type? Like Erwin?”

“Mm. I had a bit of a thing for him back when he was first working on the long-range scouting
formation. That man’s a damn genius.” Hange smirked. “Of course, if I’d known that one day, an
angry little man was going to stuff a cravat in his mouth and fuck him over his desk, I wouldn’t
have wasted my energy.”

With a displeased sigh, Levi rubbed his forehead.

Hange chuckled and took another sip of liquor. “The looks on your faces.”

They were silent for a few minutes, eyeing the horizon. Still no sign of any titans. Levi worked up
his courage to ask a question that had been on his mind.

“Look, shitgoggles, not that your opinion matters, but when all that happened, that comment you
made about assuming that I’d be taking it from Erwin, not the other way around—”

Hange turned to him. “Yeah?”

“Was it because you expected me to be submissive to him? Does he seem like he’d be more
dominant than me?”

“What?” Hange’s brow wrinkled. “No. It’s because he’s so much taller than you. It just seems like
everything would line up better that way. What does position have to do with submission and
domination?”

Levi shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” Hange leaned closer. “I hope you’re not suggesting that the one sticking a penis into
someone is automatically the dominant one.”

Levi leaned away, annoyed by the other’s stare. “Well … ”

“What would that say about heterosexual relationships, Levi?”

“It’s not the same. Assholes are dirty, and letting a guy shove something into it requires a lot of
trust, because if he gets shit on his dick—”

“Ugh, stop.” Hange’s nose wrinkled. “First of all, I don’t care who’s doing it, sex is messy and
bodies do weird things you can’t control, so don’t use that as an excuse. I don’t know if you’ve
ever experienced a vagina up close, but they have their own quirks that can be nerve-wracking at
times. Second of all, trusting someone is a hell of a lot different than being dominated by them.”

“Trust is a form of submission,” he said flatly. “You’re leaving yourself completely vulnerable to
the other person. They could screw you over, if they wanted.”

“No, trust is an act of equality. Besides, sex itself requires a lot of trust, with naked bodies, and
genitals doing weird things, and fluids flying everywhere. Love requires trust, too. So does
everything we do out there on the field. Even the two of us talking about this is a form of trust, and
I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t say you’re submitting to me by sharing your thoughts so openly.”

Levi’s head was spinning. He must have had more to drink than he thought; talking about himself
this honestly wasn’t something he was comfortable doing with anyone but Erwin. “I’m done with
this discussion.”

“Oh.” Hange sat upright. “Did I pry too much? I get carried away sometimes.”

“No shit.” He stood. “Finish up the watch on your own, all right?”

“Oh,” Hange said again, looking so sad that Levi hesitated. I’m being an asshole.

“ Look, I went through a lot today, so I’m pissy. I just need some rest. We’ll talk again tomorrow
night, okay? I bet you won’t be able to shut up about all the titans you’re going to see.” He roughly
patted the top of the Squad Leader’s head as he walked past. “Trade off with one of the others soon
and get some sleep.”

Hange gave him a feeble smile. “Okay. ‘Night.”

He nodded and lit a torch, then began to climb down to the base.

The whole conversation had been strange. He’d never given much thought to his definition of trust
or submission, or the differentiation between the two. He had kept his trust in others closely
guarded his whole life, starting from the very first days he could remember. His aunt had been such
an unreliable caretaker that he had never trusted her, not completely, and when she was gone and
he had fallen under the wing of others, trust had been the last thing on his mind. Farlan and Isabel
had been the first people he had openly trusted, and even then, it had been with reservations. If he
had become something of a leader to them, it was only because they mistook his self-reliance for
authority.

He found his way to an abandoned room with a working lock. He set the torch in a bracket and slid
to a seat by the door, pulling the letter out of his jacket. A faint aroma of Erwin’s cologne hit his
nostrils. He lifted the paper to his nose and closed his eyes, breathing in.

Fuck, it smells so good. His body, numb as it was after the long day, began to stir.

Erwin. Now there was a man Levi trusted more than anyone he had met in his life. Erwin thought it
was a considerate, careful type of trust, and maybe that was how it came across, but Levi knew
better than that. Deep down, in the core of his being, he trusted Erwin with his life. Wherever
Erwin went, he would follow. Any questions Levi threw back at him were a layer of reassurance
that they were aligned, habit more than actual hesitation.

Given that enormous amount of trust, he wasn’t sure why he was still a bit self-conscious about his
abilities when they switched up their sex life. It wasn’t as if Erwin was going to judge him or
betray him, and he had seemed responsive to Levi’s efforts.

Maybe I’m trying too hard to be submissive—to put his pleasure over mine—and it’s screwing me
up. Hange’s right; it’s just a position. Submission has nothing to do with it.

He felt a wave of satisfaction, as if he’d just had an epiphany. He had been overcomplicating
everything by trying to force himself into a pigeonhole that only existed in his head. Next time
Erwin rode him, Levi was going to approach it like any other sex act. He’d do what felt good and
let himself be carried away by their shared emotions instead of trying to figure out what he was
‘supposed’ to do. If that meant squirming and moaning, so be it. If that meant bossing Erwin
around, then he’d do that, too. Now that he thought about it, he’d done a bit of that last time,
anyway. Even when I think I’m supposed to be submissive, I suck at it, he thought wryly.

His pants were getting so uncomfortably tight that he paused to adjust himself. This line of thought
was only going to fog his head even more, and he wanted to be alert to take in Erwin’s message.

He breathed in the cologne as he opened the envelope, unfolded the letter, and began to read.
Erwin had printed the text instead of using his usual flowing script, and Levi was both grateful and
insulted. His breath caught as he clued in to what he was reading: a description of seven different
ways Erwin was going to be masturbating during his absence, one for each night.

“Holy shit.” He was tempted to read them all at once, but decided it would be best to savour one
per night.

Night one, I’ll be face-down in my pillow, mimicking the position you were riding me in just this
morning.

“ So that’s why you insisted on that position, you kinky bastard,” Levi murmured as he unbuckled
his pants.

I’ll stick my ass high in the air, but without you behind me, I’m sure to feel empty. I’ll slick two
fingers with oil and then sink them into myself, all the way down to the knuckle.

“ Oh shit,” Levi whispered, frantically moving his hand.

Erwin tried his best to bottle the moans that were building inside him, but a few escaped as he
came hard into his hand. He froze, wondering if the pillow had muffled the noise. As embarrassing
as it would be to have sex with Levi overheard by Mike, it would be even worse to be overheard
when Levi was out of town.

He rolled onto his side, breathing hard, and reached for a handkerchief. Once he had cleaned up, he
shoved the oil and the list of seven positions safely inside the drawer. Orgasm was never as good
alone as when Levi was with him, but knowing they were linked by the letter had made it more
intense than usual. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, wondering if Levi had sequestered
himself off from the group to touch himself, too.

The bed was too cold. He and Levi had been sharing a bed so often that he was already growing
accustomed to having that warm, small form beside him. He rolled onto his side and drew a spare
pillow against his chest, wrapping his arms around it. He buried his face in the top of it, pretending
he was keeping the real Levi safe.

Of course he’s safe. It’ll take more than a few wandering titans to fell Humanity’s Strongest.

His sleep was fitful, and he awoke at reveille with a throbbing headache and scratchy eyes. He
sparred with Mike in the gym, ate and cleaned up, then settled into a full day of paperwork. There
were formations to draft in detail, investors to contact, supplies to order and budgets to finalize.

He tore himself away from his desk shortly before midnight. He was so exhausted that he was
tempted to go straight to sleep, but he felt as if the paper he had handed Levi was a binding
contract. Levi was out there risking his life while Erwin was sitting at his desk pushing papers; this
was the least he could offer him. Besides, he could probably use the stress release. He lay face-
down on a pillow, preparing to act out his promise.

The days began to blur. Erwin sent messages, he received messages. Paperwork. Time in the gym.
Long hours staring at maps and shifting around pieces. The only distinctions between the days
were the contractual promises each night—welcome distractions, but too short. By the fifth day, he
felt as if his mind were pacing in circles. He hadn’t set foot outside since Levi and Hange’s
departure. Maybe some time practicing in the sunshine would give him a mental break.

Gearing up and working through the obstacle courses in the yard would likely take too long—and
besides, he didn’t want to have to shower afterwards—so he settled on target practice. The yard
was empty; the new soldiers were in special classroom sessions all day, so several of the older
soldiers had taken a day of leave.

After a few throw attempts, Erwin swung his arm a few times to loosen it up, then pulled the
knives free from the target. The early afternoon sun was warmer than he had expected; he had
already taken off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, but he was beginning to
wish he had worn his gym gear instead. He hadn’t expected throwing a few knives to be so
physically demanding.

“Mind if I join you?” someone asked behind him. He turned to see Berit approaching, dressed in
civilian garb.

“I thought you were on leave today,” he said, moving back into throwing range.

“I was. Came back early.” She settled into place beside him.

“Everything okay?”

She shrugged as if to dismiss the question. “What about you? Thought you’d be working on the
expedition planning.”

“Needed a break, so I decided to work on my aim. It’s always been the weakest part of my offense,
and seeing people like you and Levi take out titan eyes has been inspiring me to improve.” He
threw the three knives again, then frowned as they sank into the outer ring of the target. “Though I
don’t seem to be improving much.”

“Your upper torso is too stiff when you throw. It’s screwing up your aim.” Berit retrieved the
knives, then fell into stance beside him. “Watch my torso.” She threw a knife; it landed in the
centre of the target. “Watch my hand follow through.” She threw the second, then the third, and
they landed neatly around the first one. “You shouldn’t rely on knives alone, though—it gets more
complicated when you get the gear hilt in there, because you have to time the release right.”

“I thought I’d focus on the aim first, then the release technique once I had this nailed down.” Erwin
tried again, and this time, two of his knives were marginally closer to the centre.

“You’re still too stiff.”

Erwin frowned, retrieving the knives. “Maybe I’ll take a break for a bit.” He sat on a stone block
to the side and watched Berit practice, trying to study her form for the details she had pointed out
before. Instead, his gaze was drawn to her furrowed brow. Berit’s youthful face always looked
happy, even at neutral, so he knew something big must be troubling her.

She glanced over. He must have been wearing a similar expression, because she asked, “Worried
about Levi?”

Erwin looked around and, seeing they were still alone, said, “Levi is more than capable of taking
care of himself. That being said, I have so much experience with loss that it has become expected.
A part of me is prepared to lose him during his mission, and it’s making me anxious.”
“You’re lucky, you know.” Her knife landed hilt-deep. “Maybe it’s stressful, but at least you’ve
both chosen the same goals, the same lifestyle. You’d never question each other about why you do
what you do, and you get to be together all the time between missions.” The last knife split the
leather cover of the target.

She was dancing around something; maybe this was another good opportunity to take Shadis’
advice and get to know his troops better. “Did something happen during your leave today?”

Berit sighed and dropped to a seat on a stone block beside him. “Silas asked me to marry him.”

“Ah. And I’m guessing by your demeanour that you turned him down?”

“No, but I didn’t say yes, either.” She pulled a single ponytail over her shoulder, fiddling with her
hair tie. “His proposal was conditional: he asked me to leave the military.”

Erwin raised a brow, but before he could speak, she pressed ahead:

“That came out wrong. It’s not like he’s trying to control me. He knows I need to have a career to
feel fulfilled, and he’s supportive; he’s celebrated each of my military achievements with me. The
thing is, he wants to start a family, and he wants kids that know their mother. And I think he’s sick
of waiting for each expedition to return, wondering if I’ll be coming back alive.”

Erwin felt a wave of sympathy. He’d had a similar conversation with Marie a decade and a half
earlier. “And what do you want, Berit?”

“I don’t know. I believe in our cause, and I believe we’re going to change the world. But a part of
me just wants a little house in the country, where I can run a cute little shop and be surrounded by
three or four cherub-faced kids.” She threw the ponytail over her shoulder. “Can I be honest,
Erwin?”

“Of course.”

“A couple months ago, I would have turned him down and kept doing what I’m doing, but Anke’s
death is really messing with my head. We were supposed to be old grumpy ladies together, and
now her future is gone, just like that.” Tentatively, she added, “Does it bother you?”

“What?”

“Her death. You two knew each other from the very beginning.”

Erwin’s mouth flattened into a straight line as he thought of the way Anke’s arms had slipped from
his grasp, of how quickly he had obeyed her order to let her die. “Not as much as it should. It
seems all this exposure to death has been numbing me.”

“You’re lucky,” Berit said bitterly.

“Lucky? Shadis said that sort of thing was my biggest weakness.”

“No, it’s a strength. Remember how he used to break down at the end of expeditions? It was so
hard on morale, and didn’t do anything to give the investors confidence in us. Anyway, the point is,
I’m not sure what to do about Silas. I really love him, but … ” She glanced up. “I’m sorry, you’re
my Commander, not my counsellor. I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“It’s fine. Part of my role is to be your mentor, after all.” He was flattered that she was opening up.
Their relationship had always been polite, but distant. Maybe seeing him with Levi had helped her
realize he was more than just a stoic figurehead, that he was a man with feelings and failings, just
like everyone else. He decided to meet her halfway.

“Berit, do you remember Mike talking about Captain Nile’s wife, Marie?”

“Well, I left before that discussion, but Hange filled me in later. The one who’s a drama queen,
right?”

“That wasn’t really fair of him to imply,” he said, shifting to try to find a more comfortable
position on the hard stone. “Mike is protective of me, so he blamed Marie for a lot of failings that
were actually mine. Regardless, when I graduated from training, she gave me an ultimatum much
like the one Silas gave you. Like you, I was torn, but in my case, my goal won out. That goal had
been the most important thing in the world to me since I was a young boy. She simply couldn’t
compete.”

Berit was quiet for a moment, then said, “Do you regret it?”

“I did from time to time, particularly when she married Nile. Until then, I’d clung to the delusion
that I could have both my goals and her love; I’d help humanity win the war and return to her, and
we could build our lives together in a new, better world. In the end, however, our goals were
simply too different, and our individual goals were more important to us than each other. She
needed a family. I needed the Survey Corps. Over time, my love for her has faded from a roaring
fire to a tiny spark, but the motivation that fuels me burns hotter than that fire ever did.” He turned
to her. “You have to consider your motivations, Berit. You have to weigh your contradicting goals
and decide which ones will still burn brightly as the decades pass.”

“I want to free humanity. More than anything. But I’m not sure I can sacrifice everything for that to
happen. I’m not like you, or Levi, or Hange. My passion doesn’t consume me like you three.”

“Then consider this: is there a compromise? Do you need to be on the front lines to be happy? If
not, maybe you could transfer to work with Shadis in the Training Corps. That way, you could still
feel as if you were contributing to the war, but you’d be safe from the titans.”

“Huh,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “I didn’t even consider that. Thanks, Erwin. I’ll give it some
thought.”

He nodded.

“You know … ” She shrugged. “All this is giving me perspective. If I were in love with someone
who shared all my goals and my passion, and I was going to be spending the rest of my life next to
that person anyway, I’d marry him in a second. Even if we had to keep the marriage a secret. There
would be absolutely nothing to compromise, because our futures would overlap perfectly, so I
would want to take advantage of that.”

His brows rose. “Are you implying that I should marry Levi?”

“I’m saying I sure would if I were in your shoes.”

Why was his stomach flipping, his heart beating faster? Why was he picturing Levi in a suit, their
hands joined, matching rings on their fingers? “It’s a little early to think about that type of
commitment. We’ve been together less than a month. And does he really strike you as the type to
want to marry?”

“Sure he does; I see the way he looks at you. I’m not saying you have to do it now, but maybe it’s
something to consider down the road.” She shrugged again. “We could have a little party, just the
officers.”

“I suppose this means you’ve come to terms with Levi and I being together,” he said, deflecting the
topic.

“I never had a problem with that. I think it’s kind of cute, the two of you saving the world together.
I just didn’t want to see you biting down on a gag while he stuffed your ass.” Her face wrinkled as
a shudder rippled through her. “Fuck, I’m never going to get that image out of my mind.”

Erwin cleared his throat. “The locksmith will be in tomorrow to fix the lock.”

“Good.”

“Just in case, you might want to knock first next time.”

“That one’s on Hange. By the way, I am dead serious about keeping those couches clean. I don’t
want my ass anywhere near your ball sweat.”

Erwin laughed. He had never realized the innocent-looking woman could be so crass—he had the
urge to get her and Levi drunk together and let them banter.

“Good luck in deciding which answer you’ll give Silas. I just ask that if you plan to leave, you give
me plenty of notice.”

“Of course. Thanks, Erwin.”

He smiled, then stood. “Would you mind going over my technique one more time? I’d like to get
at least one bull’s-eye before I get back to my paperwork.”

“Sure. Get ready to throw. I’ll move you through it.”

Erwin allowed Berit to pose his back and arm, his mind distant. When he had joined the Survey
Corps, he had always assumed he was permanently giving up any chance of marriage. It wouldn’t
be fair to his spouse that he could die at any moment.

But, like Berit had said, Levi understood. Erwin couldn’t imagine how Levi would react to his
death, but he doubted their marital status would affect its impact. Given how he, himself, had
reacted to Levi’s supposed death, it seemed their bond was strong enough that even a platonic
relationship would hurt them.

It’s still too soon, but maybe one day, we could consider it.

His heart began to pound.

“Yeah, keep your back nice and relaxed, like that,” Berit said, bringing him back to himself. “You
were overthinking it before. Let yourself flow; do what comes naturally.”

A valuable lesson for many facets of my life, Erwin thought.

“Try throwing now.”

He stepped forward and whipped the knives. The first was off-centre; he narrowed his eyes at the
target, trying to adjust his aim. The second was even worse. “I think I’m over-correcting at the end
of the arc.”

“Stop thinking. Trust your body, like you’re on the gear, or sparring. It’s an immovable target; you
don’t have to outsmart it.”

He chuckled. Very well. If he had been doing better while his mind was wandering, then he would
let it wander.

With a long, slow breath, he thought of Levi in a suit, their hands joined, each wearing a ring,
pledging to unite their lives into one. Perhaps our lives are already one, anyway. Perhaps it would
just be a formal recognition of everything we already know.

He stepped forward and threw.

The knife sank hilt-deep into the centre of the target.

“That’s more like it,” Berit said with a grin. He smiled. But now his mind was firmly on another
path.

“How long were you and Silas together before he proposed?”

“Six years. It was a long time to be together without discussing marriage, if you ask me. What
about you and Marie?”

He considered. “Difficult to say, given that it was a tumultuous relationship, but the serious part of
it was nearly a year. In our case, at least, it was much too soon to consider marriage. Everything
was too new, and we had too many hesitations.”

“Three years seems like good middle ground.” Berit pulled the knives out of the target. “Long
enough to know each other, short enough that neither person is wondering what the hell the hold-
up is.”

“I agree.” His cheeks were warm. Three years—maybe three and a half to be safe. That would
bring them to the summer of 849. He selected a date in his mind: August thirty-first. If he and Levi
made it that far, if everything between them was still healthy and loving, then Erwin would bring
up the topic of marriage.

“Invite me if you get married.” She held out the knives, palm flat.

“Of course,” he said, accepting them. “At this rate, you’d make up a third of our guest list.”

“If we’re all still alive by then.” Her mouth twisted, and she fell silent, but the thought continued in
Erwin’s mind: if you can keep us alive.

He felt the first pangs of anxiety about the upcoming mission. No Shadis, no Anke; every success
would belong solely to him, and so would every failure. He could minimize death, but never
eliminate it. Any one of us could go. Berit, Mike, Hange. Levi …

“ You okay?” asked Berit.

“I should get back to work. There’s still so much to do.” He could think about weddings later; his
temples were throbbing.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do some work, too.”

“You’re on leave.”

“You’re the last person who should lecture me about working too hard,” she said with a smirk.
He chuckled. “A fair point. Would you care to practice some more tomorrow? Mike’s keeping me
distracted in the mornings at the gym, but I’ll need an evening break as well.”

“Sure, I don’t mind. By the time Levi and the others get back, you’ll have perfect aim.”

As he walked across the yard, he tried to rein in his racing mind. He’d have dinner, then work for a
few hours, then take some time to relax in that fifth pose he had described to Levi. Two more days
of this, and then, if everything went according to plan, Levi would be safely back inside the wall.

Stopping at the entrance, he turned to give the wall one last look. He hoped everything was going
smoothly. He hated not knowing what was going on out there.
 Connection
Chapter Notes

Thank you so much for reading and supporting my fic! It means so much to me. :)
*hugs*

I want to give a huge thank you to ClaireSail, who drew THE desk scene from Chapter
18! It can be found here (NSFW!) http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/101788523841(NSFW) and is just the way I envisioned it.
Rawrrrrr! Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so honoured that you took the time
to create this beautiful, sexy pic and send it my way! T_T *hugs*

Previous chapter: Levi and Hange head out on patrol and, after a harrowing run-in with
some titans, have some personal conversations. Erwin and Berit discuss the benefits of
marriage, and Erwin decides that if all goes well, he's going to propose to Levi in three
or three-and-a-half years or so (August 849.)

-20-

Connection

“Where’s Hange?” Levi asked as he stormed through the checkpoint’s main entrance, dripping
mud and sweat.

“Upstairs with Nifa getting stitches,” Moblit said.

Levi pushed past him and began to climb the stairs. Sounds like your day went about as well as
ours.

“ Sir,” Moblit called, “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to interrupt them.”

Levi ignored him. He owed Hange an awkward interruption.

The rooms upstairs were dark, save for one, cracks of light showing around a closed door. He
turned the knob. Hange sat facing away from him, naked from the waist up. Nifa was tending to a
nasty-looking gash on the Squad Leader’s mid-back.

Levi stepped into the room and cleared his throat. Nifa looked up at him and shrieked.

“Hm?” Hange turned around, squinting, and then laughed. “Calm down, Nifa. It’s just Levi.”

“Squad Leader, you’re topless!” Nifa frantically tried to drape her patient with a green cloak.

“Oh, relax. I don’t have anything he’s interested in.”

“My eyeballs are too packed with mud to see anything, anyway.” Levi closed the door and draped
himself over an old wooden bench in the corner.
“Looks like your mission was a success today, too,” Hange said.

“This rain is a real pile of shit. No signal flares, and the horses stagger around like drunks slipping
in their own vomit. We found a couple new sinkholes to mark down on the map.” He grimaced.
“I’ve got mud in my ears and my ass crack, and no bath in sight until we get home.”

“Everyone alive?”

“Yeah, but it was too close. You?”

“Same.” Hange took a swig from a bottle. “We found a sinkhole, too, more than a metre deep. Lots
of split trees and wood in there. My wound isn’t too bad, but a couple of the others got cut up
pretty badly. Jakob has a nasty gash on his thigh, and his horse took a bad tumble. Dita’s out at the
stable right now assessing the horse’s injuries, and Jakob’s resting.”

“Shit.” Levi flopped dramatically against the bench, too tired to care that he was dropping bits of
mud all over it. “Did you make any progress, at least?”

“No, same as yester— Fuck!”

“Sorry, Squad Leader.” Nifa winced. “The flesh is starting to swell.”

“It’s okay. Do what you have to do.” Hange lifted the bottle again, draining the rest of its contents.
“I’m going to be drunk as hell in about ten or fifteen minutes, Levi, so I hope you don’t mind
taking point on the plans tonight. Needed something to cut through the pain. This wound went
down to the rib.”

His lips flattened. He would love to be drunk right about now, too. The rain had started two days
ago, and here they were, day seven, and they hadn’t even finished scouting the silos around the
main checkpoint, let alone the two silos attached to the second checkpoint further south. “I don’t
know what the hell to do, Hange. We have at least two days’ worth of scouting left out here,
probably more if we want to get that second checkpoint prepared for the expedition.”

“Well, we can’t stay out here forever. We need to give ourselves—and the horses—time to rest
before the expedition, and Erwin needs time to process the observations we’ve collected.”

Levi sighed. He knew Hange was correct, but where was the balance point between ensuring they
had enough information and ensuring they got home early enough to be useful? “Maybe Berit
would have been the better choice for this mission after all. I don’t have the experience to know
where we should draw the line.”

“Yeah, me neith—” The word ended in a yelp.

“Sorry, that’s the last one.” Nifa held out a shirt. “Do you need anything else, Squad Leader?”

“No, thank you, Nifa.” Hange pulled on the shirt and then slumped forward, tilting the empty
bottle as if trying to swallow more liquid.

“You already finished it,” Levi said, closing his eyes. “I know you can’t see without your glasses,
but I didn’t think you were stupid, too.”

“Hm. Where are my glasses?”

“How the hell should I know?” He should probably open his eyes to help look, but he was too
exhausted. “Maybe I’ll just sleep here tonight.”
“You’ll freeze.”

“I’m cocooned in mud. It’ll keep me warm.” He couldn’t shake the feeling there was one more
thing he needed to do before he succumbed to sleep. His eyes flew open as he remembered:
Erwin’s letter. He rummaged through his rain gear. The paper was soaked, mud-stained and
completely illegible. “Shit.” He lifted it to his nose, but he couldn’t smell anything but mud. “Shit!”

“Oh,” Hange said, drawing out the word. “Love letter from your boyfriend?”

“None of your business, two-eyes.”

“Ah, because I’m not wearing my glasses. Clever.” Hange dropped to all fours and began to feel
around. “Where did she put the damned things?”

Levi gingerly tried to peel apart the sheets of paper, but they were so fragile that they began to tear.
“Dammit. I was saving the last bit to read tonight.”

“Not like you could masturbate with that much mud in your underwear, anyway.”

His stomach dropped. “What?”

“I assume that’s why you keep ducking away by yourself every night, all secretive. Don’t worry,
no one else noticed, and I won’t judge.” Hange patted along the side table. “It’s good for people to
stay on top of that sort of thing during missions. Keeps the aggression manageable, keeps you
focused. On that note, if you and Erwin need time to yourselves during the upcoming expedition, I
can act as a guard outside the room.”

A shudder rippled down Levi’s spine. “Don’t tell people stuff like that, you pervert. It’s creepy as
hell.”

“Part of weapons management is making sure all our resources are working at optimal capacity,
machine or human. A-ha!” Hange’s hands closed over a pair of goggles on the side table. Once
they were on, however, the Squad Leader frowned. “Everything’s still blurry.”

“Because you’re drunk, idiot.”

“I suppose I am.” Hange dropped onto the bench beside him. “So, what’s next, Captain?”

He grimaced. “Not Captain yet.” He would be one day, however, so he should probably try and
think longer-term. What would Erwin do if he were here? Probably start by assessing their current
resources. “So, we’re scheduled to return to the base tomorrow. We have at least a day’s worth of
work left at this checkpoint, another at the second checkpoint, and a third if we want to prepare that
checkpoint for the expedition. We’ve got a total of nineteen soldiers … ” He trailed off and gave
Hange a sidelong glance. The Squad Leader was staring at the floor, face ashen. “That’s a good
survival rate for this type of mission.”

Hange gave him a forced smile. “I know.”

The death hadn’t been Hange’s fault—from the sounds of it, an abnormal had ambushed them from
the tree line, and the rain had hindered their ability to take it down. Still, Hange was taking it
harder than Levi had expected. The night it had happened, he had heard sobs coming from the
other side of a closed door. He had hovered in the hallway, not sure what to say, before finally
deciding to move on, but now he wished he had said something, anything. The memory had been
tearing him up ever since. Maybe Hange was annoying, but they were comrades, and the bond
between them was quickly developing into friendship. They were supposed to have each other’s
backs out here.

“Look, shitglasses, you know it’s not your fault, right?” He awkwardly nudged Hange’s elbow.
“It’s surprising we haven’t lost anyone else yet.”

“I guess.” Hange looked down again, pressing ahead with the planning: “While we’re tallying
resources, I ran a couple more tests on those sound rounds.”

“And?”

“And they only seem to stun maybe one in five titans, at most—not nearly the numbers I theorized.
That’s such a small benefit compared to the enormous risk of attracting the attention of additional
titans. The only practical application seems to be to make a large group of titans converge, like
what you did last week, and that’s not something we encounter often.” Hange sighed. “How am I
supposed to develop weapons for an enemy we know so little about? If I had one in the lab I could
experiment on—”

“You going to bring one home with you like a lost puppy, and ask Erwin if you can keep it?”

Hange didn’t reply.

He slumped deeper into the bench, trying to focus on planning again. “I guess we should figure out
our food and water supplies tomorrow and use that to help us decide what to do.”

“At least the rain barrels will be full, so we’ll have a supply of water. I don’t know, Levi, I think
the weather is going to make our decisions for us from now on.” Hange sagged against him and
gave an exaggerated yawn. “We have to wait out the storm. No point throwing our resources out
there when we aren’t going to get anything out of it.”

Feeling crowded, Levi tried to edge away, but he was pinned against the edge of the bench.
Besides, the air was cold, and his usual complaint about being close to Hange—the body odour of
someone who had no clue about proper hygiene—didn’t matter when his sinuses were packed full
of mud.

“I hope Erwin doesn’t lose it when we don’t return tomorrow,” he said, thinking of the worry on
his face when they had departed.

“He’s a big boy. He can handle it.”

“I guess.” He hoped so, given the reaction last time they had gone missing. Erwin’s stress levels
weren’t his only concern—what would happen if they returned without adequate scouting data, and
the expedition had to be postponed or, worse, cancelled? He almost wished he didn’t know about
Erwin’s dealings with Sahlo and their urgency to bring him results. What a fucking mess. Every bit
of this is stressful as hell.

Half-asleep, he murmured, “What do you think it’s like to live in a world without all this stress?”

“Who knows? Boring, probably.”

Levi yawned. Might be nice for a little while, he thought, but then he wondered what the hell a
person did if they weren’t fighting to stay alive. He could picture himself having lots of sex with
Erwin, eating three square meals a day, and … what else? He had often dreamed of a coddled
lifestyle when he was younger, but now he couldn’t fathom it. Keeping occupied kept him going,
kept him from questioning all the misery he had encountered in his life. Erwin was the same. Hell,
they all were.
At least we aren’t in it alone. He thought of Erwin, of Hange, of Mike.

His eyes closed, and he found them too heavy to re-open.

The sound of ringing bells startled Erwin awake: reveille. Day eight of the scouting mission. If
everything went well, Levi and the others would return that day.

He sprang out of bed and grabbed his toiletries, heading to the men’s bath. Mike had invited him to
work out that morning, but Erwin had deliberately declined, intending to save all his energy for the
bedroom. He sank into the heated bath water, taking a moment to let it caress his body before he
began to wash. A few other soldiers trickled in, saluting as they saw him, and he nodded back. At
some point soon, he was going to have to tell people not to bother saluting unless it was a formal
situation. Given how recently he had become Commander, however, he didn’t mind revelling in it
a bit.

Mike slipped into the water beside him and nodded his greeting. “You were using red ink recently,
right?”

“Don’t tell me you can smell colours now,” Erwin said with a smile.

“No, but that would sure be helpful. I can smell the vermilion in the ink.”

“I’m glad your nose is finally recovering.” Erwin dunked his head under the water, then surfaced
and began to lather his hair. “The saline rinses are helping?”

“Seem to be.”

His voice lowered: “Then I suppose after tonight, your nose is going to give you more insight into
my personal life than you ever wanted. My apologies in advance.”

Mike shrugged. “I’m used to it. You two aren’t the only ones hooking up around here.”

Erwin didn’t doubt it. The Survey Corps soldiers had always formed strong bonds due to the
intense pressure of their situation, and he had often noticed instances of those bonds bubbling over
into sexual escapades. He didn’t mind, so long as his soldiers were staying focused. If anything,
sex probably helped morale.

After his bath, he met with Mike and Berit over breakfast, locking down training plans for the day.
Then, returning to his office, he finished an expense report, sealed it, and addressed it to the last on
his list of investors.

And that was it: the last bit of pre-expedition work he could finish without the scouting data from
Hange and Levi. Any tweaks he could do now would just have to be re-done once he had that data,
so this was a good point to take a break. Given how hard he had been working over the past few
weeks, he would take the morning to drop off his report at the messenger service by hand. While
he was downtown, he could purchase some supplies for Levi’s return and get his apartment ready
for their romantic evening. A contractor had installed a hot water tank for him a couple days ago, a
surprise for Levi; a post-mission hot shower would surely be appreciated.

He pulled on his rain cloak and stepped outside. The rain had been coming down nonstop for three
or four days now. Were Hange and Levi encountering it, too, or if they were far enough south to
avoid it? Aside from rain neutralizing signal flares, it could cause other problems. One was that
there were several patches of land that had limestone bedrock, which gave the surface a tendency
to form sinkholes during flooding. Erwin had only encountered this issue once, back when he had
been a new recruit, and it had been devastating to their expedition.

He frowned. Even if they had avoided it, these rain storms could still drift south before the
expedition. Perhaps he had more work to do, after all: a contingency plan for heavy rainfall. He
would start it that afternoon.

After he had dropped off the envelope with the messenger service, he stepped into the general
store. A downside to being the Commander was that he was recognizable, and purchasing erotic
supplies was certain to start gossip. He debated how to approach it, then remembered Levi’s
words: no one expected him to be celibate.

He approached the merchant at the back of the store, the one who had sold him lockpicking tools.

“Commander Erwin,” the merchant said, nodding. “We have some new coffee beans that might be
of interest to you. They’re supposed to be reserved for the noble class only, but I pulled a few
strings for our more discerning customers such as yourself.”

“Thank you. I’ll take a look.” Erwin leaned closer. “On that note, I’m looking for a few other
items I wish to purchase discreetly.”

“Oh? Weapons?”

“No, I’m looking for a particular type of massage oil, one that has mild warming properties. Also, I
wonder if you have any fine sweets in reserve.”

“Ah, I see.” The merchant grinned. “Looking to impress a special woman, Commander?”

“Perhaps. I trust you to keep this quiet,” Erwin said, going along with the mistaken assumption.
The more romantic distance there was between him and Levi in the eyes of the public, the better.

“I have a few things in stock that might interest you. What about a nice gift for the lady—maybe
some jewellery? Or is she more the type to appreciate a fine cigar?”

Erwin smiled. “Cigars might go over better than jewellery, but I’m not certain. Fine alcohol,
however, is sure to be appreciated.”

“Well, then, I have some high-quality ice wine that might be of interest to you, direct from Utopia
district.”

After some discussion, Erwin bought two bottles of ice wine, a tin of salt water taffy, a tin of beef
jerky, some scented candles and a bottle of massage oil steeped with a hint of hot pepper to ease
aching muscles.

Once he had reached his apartment, he began to set up the room. He set out the wine, two wine
glasses and the food. The candles and massage oil went on the bedside table, along with a small
stack of clean handkerchiefs. After a moment of reflection, he changed the bed sheets; he would
take the dirty ones back to the base to sneak into his laundry.

He stepped back to survey the room, his heart already beating too fast. In the letter he had given
Levi, he had finished off the seventh day with a detailed description of his plans for their reunion,
as well as a somewhat embarrassing confession of the depth of his love for him. He still wasn’t
sure if the last part would make Levi blush, or roll his eyes, or both, but he no longer felt the need
to censor his feelings—to either Levi, or himself.
Checking the bathroom, he was pleased to see the water heater had been set up exactly as he had
specified. The tank held a large reservoir of water; he had been assured it was enough to last a
good fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes of warm water, streaming down Levi’s naked body. With a
smile, he set out his fluffiest towel, but his lips fell into a frown when he saw mildew on the walls.
All this effort was going to be wasted if he didn’t take care of that before Levi saw it.

Well, he had some time to kill.

He pulled off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and began to clean the bathroom. Once it was
sparkling, his attention shifted to the main room. He straightened his books, tidied his desk, and
gave everything a good dusting and sweep. By the time the entire apartment was clean, he was so
flushed and sweaty that he decided to test out the water heater.

Even after he had heated the water, showered and changed back into his uniform, the gate bells
hadn’t sounded.

Maybe I missed them while I was showering, he thought, but when he arrived back at the base, the
scouting party hadn’t returned. His ears strained for the sound of bells throughout the afternoon,
then into the evening.

“It’s the rain,” Mike said.

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Berit said. “Just delayed.”

Erwin knew they were probably right. Scouting missions often ran on a different schedule than
planned; they relied on titan movements and weather, two things outside of human control.

Still, he couldn’t rein in his growing concern. The scouting information was integral to the success
of the expedition, which was integral to the continued existence of the Survey Corps.

And on top of all that, there was Levi.

He slept fitfully that night, hugging a pillow close. Tomorrow night at this time, I’ll be holding the
real thing instead.

But another day passed, and the scouting teams didn’t return.

Levi hugged his knees tightly to his chest, shivering. “This is bullshit.”

“We just have to wait it out,” Hange said beside him.

“I’m sick of waiting.”

“Well, we can’t scout, and we can’t return to the base. Until this weather clears up, we just have to
be patient.”

“Food rations are running low,” said Nifa, who was pressed against Hange’s other side. “Even with
reduced rations like this, we’ll be out in two days.”

“More like one and a half,” Moblit added from the far side of their huddled circle. “We’ll need to
divert some of the grains to the horses.”

A growling stomach sounded among them—it didn’t matter whose; they all felt it. Even Levi, in
his time above ground, had grown accustomed to three square meals a day. Sure, Survey Corps
food always tasted of yeast preservative, and the quality sometimes left much to be desired, but at
least his stomach was always full. He was accustomed to being dry, too. The checkpoint’s ceiling
was leaking nonstop now, and they were all damp and freezing.

“Well.” Hange gave a thin smile. “At least we won’t die of dehydration. Maybe we can catch some
frogs for food. I don’t think there’s enough dry wood to get a fire going, but we can eat them raw if
we get hungry enough.” There was forced optimism in Hange’s voice, and Levi both appreciated
and hated it.

“I’m not eating raw frogs.”

“I’ll have his share,” Eld murmured, making Levi wonder if his stomach had been the one
growling.

With a low sigh, he scratched his arms. Mud still caked his skin, pasty in some places, cemented in
others. He was certain fungi and parasites were swimming across his skin beneath it. Maybe he
could bathe in one of the rain barrels.

“Since we’re all together,” Hange said, “Levi and I have been talking about what to do next. Our
number one priority right now is to get back alive.”

“Squad Leader, what about our mission?” Moblit asked.

Levi’s jaw clenched. As much as he hated to leave a job unfinished, they had few options. It
wasn’t just the lack of supplies—the weather was putting everyone on edge. Morale was low. Even
Hange appeared to be having a hard time putting on a cheery face. For a group of soldiers who had
dedicated their lives to freeing humanity, sitting in hostile territory twiddling their thumbs was the
worst kind of imprisonment.

“Commander Erwin will manage with whatever information we can provide,” Hange said,
glancing at Levi. “I’m sure he’s already cluing in that something went wrong, and he’s working on
contingency plans.”

I hope that’s what he’s doing, Levi thought.

“The rain’s a bit lighter tonight,” said Eld, who had been on watch earlier that evening. “Maybe it
will finally let up tomorrow and we can go home.”

Levi didn’t want to get his hopes up.

But when they awoke the next morning, the rain had finally stopped.

For the first time in days, Levi began to feel optimistic, but the feeling was short-lived. The ground,
unsurprisingly, was waterlogged, and while the road was rarely subject to the sinkholes that
plagued the land to the south, the mud was too slippery to run the horses at maximum speed. Levi
was certain the left and right flanks would be encountering even more difficult terrain away from
the road, so he kept their pace slow.

Thankfully, there were few titans around; he only had to redirect the formation twice during the
first half of their journey. Maybe they hate the rain as much as we do.

As they began to approach the choke point that had given them so much trouble on the first day of
the mission, Levi turned to Eld. “You up for scouting ahead?”

“Sir,” Eld said, eyes narrowing with determination. Since his breakdown on the first day, he had
been going out of his way to prove that he had a solid head on his shoulders.

“Good.” Levi turned to Sonja. “You, too. Don’t engage unless you have to.”

“Sir!” The two soldiers pulled away from the group.

Levi fired a green flare in the direction of the meadow, then, a moment later, a white flare to tell
everyone to pull in for the choke point.

Eld and Sonja returned just as the formation’s flanks were closing in.

“Sir,” Eld said, “Same situation as last time, but the titans are concentrated on the eastern side of
the meadow.”

Levi turned to Hange, who was approaching on his left. “You hear that, Hange?”

“Yeah.” The Squad Leader pulled alongside them. “Think we could get the whole group past them
before they notice, then outrun them?”

“Maybe,” Sonja said. “Depends how fast they are. Didn’t seem to be any abnormals, but it’s
sometimes hard to tell.”

Levi looked back over the group. The carts were empty, and the horses pulling them were fatigued.
Their other horses were running on very little food, so they were likely stressed and exhausted, too.
One injured horse, in particular, was of concern; it was holding up now, but would it hold up if
they sprinted? He frowned. “I don’t think the horses are going to be able to sprint. Not while we
have to lug those things around.”

Hange glanced back at them, then at Levi again. “How replaceable are those carts?”

“Probably more replaceable than our teams and the horses.”

The two Squad Leaders’ eyes locked for a moment longer, and then, in silent agreement, Hange
turned to the group. “Prepare to halt! We’re going to leave the carts behind.”

They came to a stop on the road, flanked by scrawny three-metre trees. It was dangerous to stay
here for long; they hurriedly freed the horses from the carts and pushed the carts off the road. Eld
and Dita took charge of handling the spare horses.

“We are going to evade the enemy,” Levi announced. “Do not engage unless necessary. Move
out!”

They burst onto the meadow at full speed. The titans were ambling around the far side of the
meadow. At first, it seemed like they might not notice the scouting party, but then a few looked up.
They began to stupidly lumber in the direction of the scouting party.

“Shit.” Levi leaned forward, willing his horse to sprint as fast as it could.

“Hey Levi, they seem slow,” Hange yelled, barely audible over the hoof beats and the air racing
past his ears. “Do you think the weather is affecting—”

“Save it and run, shitgoggles.”

Minutes later, they reached the far end of the meadow, the titans safely out of range behind them.
They crested the hill to the meeting place they had used on the first day of the mission.
“We’ve attracted too much attention to rest here,” Hange called.

He nodded. “Pull out your map. Find us a good resting point about twenty minutes away.” He
turned back to the group. “Prepare to deploy the formation. We’ll be resting soon, but not yet.”

He took a slow, deep breath. His muscles ached and his head was buzzing with stress, but in a few
short hours, they’d finally be home.

“—and so,” Erwin continued, his voice gravelly, “if we split our supplies into eight smaller carts
instead of four large ones, we’ll reduce the chances of getting stuck in any residual mud in the
event that the rain has saturated the ground to the south. It’ll also be easier on the horses, as they
may tire easily due to fighting for traction on muddy ground. Of course, this means we’ll need to
change the formation slightly, so I’ve drawn up a new map.” As he unrolled it, he looked up for
the first time since he had started the meeting. Mike and Berit were staring at him with solemn
faces. “Is something wrong?”

“Did you sleep last night?” Berit asked.

Erwin gave an irritated sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “If we could please focus on the
task at hand—”

“You’re skirting the obvious, Commander: there isn’t going to be a mission if Levi and Hange
don’t return. We can’t head out with only two squad leaders.”

“We did expeditions with two squad leaders all the time back in the ‘30s,” Erwin said, looking to
Mike for backup.

Instead, Mike shrugged. “Those were smaller, simpler expeditions.”

Erwin closed his eyes to steady himself. His patience was frayed; he had been awake all night—
and most of the night before that—preparing contingency plans. Now that they were on day ten of
the scouting mission, he had to accept that something had gone horribly wrong. Without the
scouting data, and two squad leaders short, they’d have to severely scale back the mission.

He wished there was another option, but it was already too late to push the expedition out to a later
date, because several investors had already forwarded their funds, and he had used them to buy
supplies. The initial timeline had been too tight to be more fiscally cautious. And so, he had backed
himself into a corner. This expedition—or some form of it—had to happen, no matter how many
people they had, no matter how little scouting data he received.

No matter how much his heart ached.

He had letters all ready to send, explaining their undesirable situation to the investors and members
of parliament along with adjusted returns on their investments. They sat neatly in the top drawer of
his desk, waiting, but he couldn’t bring himself to send them. Not yet. Time was running out,
however; they could only afford to wait another day, two at most, before they had to switch to the
contingency plans.

“Erwin,” Mike said.

“We won’t be running the same mission if we’re reduced to only two squad leaders,” Erwin said,
opening his eyes. “I’ve prepared a series of contingency plans for a smaller mission, if need be. If
the scouting party doesn’t return by tomorrow evening, we’ll switch to the new plans.”
“Can we review them?” Berit asked. “The three of us, together?”

His brows rose. No one had ever questioned his strategy before. “Of course, but if you're only
asking because you think Levi’s absence is clouding my judgement, you’re mistaken.”

They were silent, and he felt their gazes scrutinizing him. He let out a low sigh, seeing his recent
behaviour through their eyes: attacking Mike, making poor Squad Leader selections for the
scouting mission, getting caught having sex in his office. “I suppose my behaviour over the past
few weeks isn’t exactly confidence-inspiring, is it?”

“It’s not that we don’t trust you,” Berit said, glancing sideways at Mike for confirmation, and the
gesture tore at Erwin’s heart; it meant the two of them had been discussing this behind his back . “
We both think you’re brilliant, and we’re prepared to put our lives on the line to follow your lead.
We’re just a little wary. Your relationship is still new, so you’re a bit emotionally compromised,
maybe more than you think. Add in the fact that we both think you’re pushing too yourself too
hard right now … ”

Erwin glanced at Mike. “Both of you?”

Mike looked away.

“I see.” Erwin forced a polite smile, carefully masking his wounds. “Of course I’m worried about
Levi, Hange, and the others, but I assure you, I’m well aware of the importance of this expedition.
Every decision I’m making is from a place of logic, not emotion. If it will put your minds at ease,
then yes, let’s go over the contingency plans together.” He pulled out a map and unrolled it.

By the time they had reviewed the entire plan, both Squad Leaders seemed confident that he was of
sound mind. Fatigue was catching up with him, however, blurring his vision and making his joints
ache.

“Maybe I’ll go take a short nap,” he relented.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Berit said. “We’ll come wake you up if we receive any news from the
scouting party.” She hesitated. “Sorry for doubting you before, sir. It looks like you have
everything under control after all.”

“You are always welcome to question my judgement. I appreciate that both of you are watching
out for the good of the Corps.” He smiled kindly at both of them, but his insides felt cold. Empty.
The more they spoke about contingency plans, the more he began to accept that Levi might not
return.

With a yawn, he excused himself. He bathed first, since he hadn’t for a few days, then returned to
his bedroom. Once he settled into bed, his burning eyes refused to close.

In all his years envisioning his future, he had never imagined the Commander role would be nearly
this stressful. He had always assumed his role as Shadis’ strategist was a close approximation to
the real thing, but this pressure was a hundred times worse. At this rate, he was going to burn
himself out before his career even got off the ground.

He had played his cards against Sahlo too soon. He saw that now. He should have kept his
suspicions under wraps for at least a year or two while he figured out the Lord’s pressure points.
This hastily-constructed expedition was too ambitious, too big of a gamble, especially for a new
Commander with three new Squad Leaders at the helm.

He tried not to let himself focus on Levi’s absence—this was so much bigger than their
relationship, and he had to keep objective for the sake of the Corps—but it was a persistent
undercurrent, eroding the ground, destabilizing his footing. He was afraid of how he would react if
Levi didn’t return, and he hoped he could stave off his emotions until he had the time to grieve. His
heart was his to give , he told himself, remembering their agreement. Maybe he would manage to
keep his head together if he focused on that. Above all else, the Survey Corps depended on him to
keep looking forward until the expedition was complete.

And right now, the Corps depended on him to get some sleep so he could make clear-headed
decisions.

He held his eyes closed, even though his eyelids felt as if they were scratching his corneas. He
began to count backwards from one hundred, not allowing his mind to drift to plans, or to Levi, or
to anything else.

Slowly, gradually, sleep overcame him.

He awoke several hours later to tolling bells and jubilant shouts from the hallway.

Levi ignored the stares of the townsfolk they passed, his eyes on the road . His throat was tight.
Their journey was finally over. Each step forward, each toll of the bell, brought him closer to
home.

“I’m going to sink into the bath and never leave,” Hange said beside him. If even Hange was
talking about needing a bath, the mud situation was dire indeed.

The base seemed to glow in the sunlight, the survey corps banner waving proudly on the flagpole
in the courtyard. The gates parted, revealing a crowd of soldiers. Standing at the very front was
Erwin, flanked by Berit and Mike. Together, the officers saluted.

Erwin and Levi locked eyes. Erwin’s hair was mussed, dark circles under his eyes, but when he
smiled, Levi felt a glow blossom deep in his stomach, filling his chest, his limbs. What a sight for
sore eyes. He wished he could run up and wrap his arms around him, but that would have to wait.

Instead, he halted the group. The gates closed behind them. “Eld, take our horses. Hange, let’s go
debrief.” He dismounted, and shuddered as he felt chunks of mud slide down the inside of his
clothes. Sweat from the ride had mingled with the fine layer of dirt all over his body, destabilizing
sections that had been cemented to his skin. He felt the urge to wretch, but swallowed it back.

“We’re back,” Hange called, somehow vibrating with energy beside him.

“So I see.” Erwin stepped forward. “A few days later than scheduled—you had us a bit worried,
but I’m glad to see you made it back in one piece.”

“Most of us.” The bounce faded from Hange’s step.

“We’re down one man, and we had to abandon the carts,” Levi said. They came to a stop in front
of Erwin. “And we let you down. We didn’t get all the data you wanted.”

“Oh?” A troubled look crossed Erwin’s features, but then he composed himself again. “Given that
so many of you made it back, and that you have any data at all, you definitely didn’t let me down.
Judging by all the mud, it looks like the weather was less than cooperative.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Well.” Erwin’s face softened. “I’m glad most of you made it back safely. You all look exhausted
—why don’t we take the night to get everyone fed, cleaned up and tended to? In the morning,
we’ll use your data to modify our expedition plans. The baths are already heated today, and you’re
welcome to pull out one keg of ale for the scouting team.”

“Sir,” Hange said, giving a weary smile. “Thank you.”

“But first: Levi, I have some special plans to discuss with you. Why don’t you take a night of leave
with me and we can discuss, away from prying ears?”

“It’s just us, Erwin,” Berit said. “You don’t have to make some business excuse; go have fun.
We’ll cover for you.”

Erwin cleared his throat. Levi felt himself blush, though he was certain it wasn’t visible under the
layers of dried mud.

“I’ll walk you to your room, Levi, and explain everything to you on the way,” Erwin said, as if
choosing to ignore Berit. “The rest of you: if there’s an emergency while we’re out, ring the guard
tower bell. We’ll be able to hear it from our location.”

Together, they walked side-by-side into the base.

“You’re going to need to bring a change of clothes,” Erwin said, not looking down at him. “And
whatever toiletries you use when you bathe.”

Levi glanced at him, but his face was unreadable. “Okay.”

They stepped into his bedroom, and Erwin closed and locked the door behind them. Then, he
dropped to his knees and buried his face in Levi’s chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

“Oof,” Levi said involuntarily as he struggled to maintain his balance. “Wait until I’m clean, idiot.
I’m covered in dirt.”

“You smell good.” Erwin buried his nose in Levi’s armpit.

“Don’t put your nose there. I haven’t bathed in ten days—”

“You smell alive.” Erwin’s fingertips curled between his shoulder blades.

“Of course I do. I’m alive, aren’t I?” Levi buried his face in the blond hair and breathed in. He
smelled soap and, faintly, cologne. His eyelids fluttered. He had missed that scent.

Erwin kissed the centre of Levi’s chest, then began to kiss his way down the front of his shirt,
audibly breathing in as he moved. His fingers fumbled at the button on his pants.

“Hey.” Levi grabbed his wrist. “I told you, I haven’t bathed in ten days.”

“I don’t care.”

“It’s not like I’ve been at the gym for an hour—there’s so much dirt on me that it cemented my
dick to my underwear. You go down there, you’re going to get a mouthful of pissy mud.”

Erwin froze. “I see. Well, I have a place where you can wash up. A heated shower.” He looked up;
his nose was streaked with dirt.

For a long moment, their eyes held, and Levi felt a lump growing in his throat. Trying to push past
it, he brushed the dirt off the sharp nose. “A heated shower,” he repeated, his voice breaking.

“Remember that romantic night I talked about before you left? I’ve arranged a little something.
Nothing too extravagant.” Erwin’s jaw quivered for a moment, but then he stood and caught Levi’s
chin. He kissed the underside of his jaw, then his ear. “I need to show you how happy I am that
you’re safe.”

“I just cleaned your nose. You’re going to get it all covered in dirt again if you keep snuffling at
me like that,” Levi said, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. “You’re sure you don’t want to
talk about the mission data at all?”

“It can wait until morning. Everyone needs rest so we can approach it with a clear head, especially
given your complications. So, the night is ours. Why don’t you gather your things and meet me by
the front gate?”

“Okay.”

Erwin pulled back and ran a thumb along Levi’s lower lip. His face was so soft and vulnerable that
he looked frightened. Boyish. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Levi swallowed hard. “Yeah, me too.”

“You won’t let me kiss you until you’ve brushed your teeth, will you?”

“Not a chance.”

“That’s probably a good thing.” One corner of Erwin’s mouth lifted, his eyes gentle. “Once I start
kissing you, I’m not going to want to stop.”

Non-stop kisses sounded good to Levi. Really good. Hell, he would have settled for a hug—a long,
warm, tight hug. The sooner they left, the sooner they could be together, showing their affection
any way they wanted. He turned away. “I’ll get my stuff together.”

“Then I’ll see you shortly.” Erwin excused himself from the room.

Levi shoved a clean change of clothes into a bag, then gathered his other supplies as quickly as he
could. He took a moment in the bathroom to splash his face with water, certain the mud would
draw unwanted attention from the general public. His nose wrinkled as he examined his face in the
mirror. He hated the way he looked with facial hair. Most of it clustered around his mouth and
chin, and the rest was sparse, giving it a patchy appearance. His undercut was getting long and
shaggy, too. Maybe he would set aside some time tomorrow to shave it.

When he arrived at the gate, Erwin was waiting for him, wearing his professional face.

Levi scratched at his facial hair. “I don’t know what’s itchier, the mud or this bullshit.”

“I’ve never seen you with a beard.”

“Not much of a beard.” Levi fell into step beside him. “Can’t wait to shave it off.”

Erwin’s voice lowered: “I’d like to shave it for you, if you’d let me.”

Levi looked up. Erwin was staring straight ahead, his expression calm, but there was a faint flush
on his cheeks. “Is shaving a thing for you?”

“Perhaps. More of a tender thing than a sexual thing.”

Levi tried to picture it, then felt a wave of panic. “I’m not so good with blades on my neck, but
maybe I could let you shave the face part of it.”

“I’d like that.” Erwin smiled at him, looking a little bashful. Levi felt a little bashful himself. Ten
days apart was a long time, especially when their relationship was still relatively new.

“Where are we going?” he asked, trying to cover his shyness.

“My apartment. I had a hot water tank installed into the shower. It’s still a hand-pump, though, and
I thought your arms might be tired after holding the reins for so long … ” Erwin trailed off. His
face was red.

“What are you saying?”

“I could pump the water for you, if you’re comfortable having me in the room with you. I’ve
already bathed today, so I’d mostly be watching.”

“Oh.” Levi looked down, his cheeks hot. “Sure.”

“I’m being demanding right now, aren’t I? You’re probably exhausted, and I’m making all these
requests.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. “After having to make so many decisions on the field, it’s nice to have
someone else take charge.”

“Well, then I have one more to make.” Erwin leaned closer, his voice still quiet enough to keep the
conversation private. “You recover so quickly that I was thinking we might want to vent a little
energy for you first. Since I’m going to be riding you a bit later, why don’t you ride me first, right
after your shower? Then we could take a little break and give you time to bounce back.”

“Yeah?” Levi said, a spark running down his torso and into his groin.

Erwin gripped his shoulder and leaned close to his ear, his voice dropping to a whisper: “Take me
hard and fast. There will be time for lovemaking later tonight, when I’m leading. I want you to be
merciless with me, Levi.”

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, his knees suddenly so wobbly that he grabbed Erwin’s sleeve to keep
himself upright.

“You okay?” His voice was cheeky, but his entire face was red.

“Yeah,” Levi said, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what awaited him.

As they stepped into the apartment a few minutes later, he glanced up, remembering that he should
thank him for the letter. “You know, you made me come six times during the mission.”

“Only six?” Erwin asked, pulling off his boots and setting them by the door.

“The letter got ruined before the seventh day. Fucking rain.” Levi pulled off his cloak, then winced
as dried mud scattered all over the floor. “You cleaned up in here, didn’t you? And I’m messing it
all up.”

“It’s fine. Did you get to read the seventh part of the letter?”

“No, and I’m pissed off about it.” He set his boots next to Erwin’s. They looked like kid’s boots in
comparison.
“That section was a preview of what I’m going to do to you tonight. I suppose this means it’ll all be
a surprise.” Erwin stepped into the bathroom and knelt, presumably to light the water tank.

Levi glanced around at the snacks, the wine glasses, the massage oil, the candles. Every bit of the
room was spotless; he ran a finger along the top of the wardrobe and was impressed when it came
back clean. “You did all this for me?”

“Of course. I thought it might make the night a bit more special.” Erwin stood up and brushed his
hands together. “The water should only take about fifteen minutes to heat up.”

“I’ll brush my teeth now, then,” Levi said, stepping into the room. The shower was against the far
wall, no walls, the tile floor sinking a little at its centre to allow it to drain. A chair sat next to it.
That must be where Erwin planned to sit as he pumped the shower.

Once his mouth was clean, Levi returned to Erwin and grabbed his bolo tie, finally pulling him
down for a kiss. Erwin hummed and gripped either side of his face, his lips parting for him. It felt
so good to feel those soft lips, that warm tongue. Levi felt a wave of emotion he didn’t realize he
had been holding back.

When they broke apart, Erwin traced his jaw with a knuckle. “I’ve never seen that expression
before. What does it mean?”

Levi swallowed hard and shrugged. “It means I missed you. A lot.”

“Yeah?” Erwin gently kissed him again. “I missed you, too. More than I care to admit.”

“Were you worried when we came back late?”

“Of course, but I tried not to let my emotions run away on me. I know how quickly circumstances
can change out there.” He gripped Levi’s shoulders. “I have confidence in your abilities, and I
know your heart is yours to offer; any risks you took were risks you deemed absolutely necessary. I
trust you to keep yourself safe.”

Levi glowed from the praise, but at the same time, he wondered if he was worthy. “I took some
pretty big risks out there. Hange was pissed.”

Worry flickered across Erwin’s face, but he gave a polite smile and said, “You made it back in one
piece, and your instincts are good. I’m sure your risks were worthwhile.” He pressed a soft kiss to
Levi’s forehead. “Would you like a drink while we wait for the water to heat?”

They settled at the small table in the corner. Erwin opened the food containers and poured them
each a glass of wine. The first sip was tainted by the toothpaste, but soon Levi’s palate adapted. It
was sweeter than any wine he had ever tasted, and smoother.

“What is this?”

“Ice wine,” Erwin said. “This particular variety of grape is said to be a potent aphrodisiac, though I
suspect those effects are really due to the wine’s high alcohol content.”

Levi drained his glass and held it out for seconds.

“You might want to go a bit easy on it.”

“I know my limits.” He needed to be a bit drunk if he was going to properly loosen up his
inhibitions later, anyway. He reached for a strip of beef jerky and took a nibble. “Holy shit. Is this
real beef?” Meat was growing increasingly scarce in the months since Wall Maria’s fall, and actual
beef even scarcer. Cows were an inefficient form of livestock now that grain supplies were
dwindling, aside from old dairy cows.

“It is. I thought you might like something special to eat after being stuck with rations for so long.”

“This is so fucking thoughtful.” Levi began to feel uncomfortable. “You went to all this effort, and
I didn’t do anything for you.”

“You came back. That’s all I care about.” Erwin said the words casually, but when he took a sip of
wine, his glass was shaking. Levi found his stocking foot under the table, lightly stroking it with
his toe, and Erwin smiled.

The gauge on the water tank began to whistle.

“I’ll make sure the temperature is good,” Erwin said, draining his wine and then standing.

As soon as he was out of sight, Levi grabbed a handful of taffy, eagerly peeling the paper off the
candies and popping them in his mouth. They had been his favourite sweet as a kid, something he
had indulged in as a rare treat if he had a few spare coins. Later, he had used them to bribe Isabel
into doing household chores. Did I ever tell Erwin that? Or is this just a lucky guess?

Once he had eaten his handful, he drained his second glass, then carefully folded the papers
together so it looked as if he had only had a few candies instead of such an undignified number.
Then, ready to shower, he joined Erwin in the bathroom.

“It’s ready for you.” Erwin sat in the chair beside the shower pump, still fully clothed.

“Aren’t you going to get sprayed there?” Levi began to unbutton his shirt. Chunks of dirt fell to the
floor, and his skin crawled.

“I might catch a bit of spray, but nothing catastrophic.”

Levi didn’t bother folding his clothes; he dropped them in a pile by the door. They were so full of
grime that there was no point trying to fold them neatly. He looked down at his naked body and
grimaced. Disgusting. Dirt streaked his skin, sometimes plastered in chunks, and the scent was
overpowering, like rancid onions. “Oh fuck, start the water.”

The first trickle of warm water was so delicious that he groaned. As it picked up pressure, he let it
run over his naked body, washing the mud away. Remembering Erwin, he turned and saw him
working the shower pump, his eyes narrow and focused. Levi followed Erwin’s gaze down to his
abdomen and saw dirty water trailing down it in streaks. I guess he finds that hot. Feeling both self-
conscious and aroused at once, he ran his palms down his body, exaggerating the flex of his
muscles as he moved. Erwin’s mouth cracked open.

“Like what you see?” Levi asked. The words made him feel ridiculous, but they seemed to be
appreciated: Erwin adjusted the front of his pants, gaze lifting to meet his.

“Very much.”

“You going to jerk off while you watch?”

A pained look rippled across the sharp features. “I don’t bounce back as easily as you do, and I
have other plans for my dick tonight.”
Has he ever said the words ‘my dick’ around me before? Levi couldn’t remember. The words
sounded so dirty coming out of Erwin’s mouth, and he was getting uncomfortably hard. He
hurriedly poured soap onto a scrub brush and began to scrub himself down. It took a lot of work,
particularly around the toenails, and his hair was so greasy that he had to wash it three times, but
finally, he was clean, his skin tingling and glowing red.

The hot water was starting to run out, but he still had an important area left to wash. Holding eye
contact with Erwin, he gently worked a finger inside himself, cleaning as best he could. I bet
there’s even mud in here, he thought, grimacing.

Erwin appeared to be holding his breath, the muscles of his upper body taut. “Getting yourself
ready for me?”

“Yeah.” It didn’t feel like anything special, but he wanted to put on a show, so he groaned a little.
“It’s been so long that I’m all fucking tight.”

Erwin didn’t respond, but his throat bobbed.

Satisfied that he was clean, Levi pulled his finger free and washed it thoroughly. He gave his body
one last pass with the soap, then rinsed off. “But you want me to take you hard first, right? So take
off your clothes and go stand by that mirror.” He cocked his nose at the full-length mirror bolted to
the far wall, next to the sink.

Erwin’s throat bobbed again. He released the shower pump and stood, beginning to undress as he
walked. Levi dried himself off, then snuffed the flames under the water heater. He walked slowly
toward Erwin, eyes trailing his naked form: broad shoulders, narrow torso and arms, large thighs.
The outline of his muscles showed through the skin on every surface of his body. He gets more
beautiful every time I look at him.

As they stepped together, their lips met. Levi felt himself groan, and heard Erwin echo it. Palms
slid over skin, tongue against tongue. He felt the smooth skin of Erwin’s neck, then the slight
calluses where the gear rubbed his collarbone, then lower, to soft hair.

Erwin gasped and broke the kiss, whispering, “Your hand feels so good on my chest.”

“Yeah?” Levi rubbed both palms across it, thumbs finding his nipples. Erwin gave a sound that was
half-hum, half-groan; he closed his mouth over the ridge of Levi’s ear. Encouraged, Levi touched a
nipple with his tongue, but Erwin pulled away.

“Don’t get me too worked up. I need to last through this.”

“I don’t want to be the only one enjoying myself,” Levi said, self-conscious.

“Believe me, you won’t be.” Erwin nuzzled his ear. “The entire time you were gone, I dreamed of
the sound of you coming.” His fingertips traced a line down Levi’s abdomen.

“Yeah?”

“There’s no more beautiful sound in the world.” His fingers wrapped around Levi, one at a time,
then squeezed. “Later, I’m going to coax that sound from you, slowly. But for now, I want to hear
you race toward it. I want to hear you fuck me until you yell.”

Shit. Levi swallowed hard. “When did your mouth get so filthy?”

“I’ve always been filthy, haven’t I? Or maybe it’s because I spent ten days imagining how our
reunion would play out.” Erwin began to stroke him. “How do you want me?”

“Press your hands against the wall and stick out your ass for me.” Levi reached for a bottle of
lubricant on the shelf above the sink.

Erwin complied, facing the mirror. Levi slathered himself with oil, then kissed down Erwin’s
spine.

“Lower your hips a bit,” he said, pushing the broad ass lower.

“Like that?”

“Yeah.” Levi gently slid into place behind him and pushed into him a tiny bit, waiting to make sure
he was relaxed. “Oh fuck, I’ve missed this.”

“So have I.”

“Yeah? You like when I do this to you?”

Erwin held his gaze through the mirror. “I love everything we do together.”

Levi’s pulse raced and his cheeks warmed. He broke eye contact, looking down at Erwin’s lower
back muscles instead. His fingers traced the lines as he pushed a little deeper. Erwin’s face
contorted.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Erwin whispered, his eyes fluttering shut. “Deeper.”

Once Levi had worked himself all the way in, he felt his control begin to slip. He was used to
getting off at least once a day, often twice, and the past few days of abstinence had caught up with
him. More than that, the twisted expressions and gasps Erwin was making were so erotic that he
felt his eyes roll toward the back of his head. Getting carried away, he lightly clapped Erwin’s ass
with his hand.

Blue eyes locked onto him through the mirror. “Harder.”

Levi grunted and repeated the motion, harder this time. “Like that?”

“Harder.” Erwin’s eyes opened a crack. “I told you, Levi: be merciless with me.”

“Oh shit .” Levi smacked his ass, and the resulting cry made his vision cloud. He curled his hands
into Erwin’s hips and began to slam into him. Erwin’s legs were bent at an awkward angle, the
strain on his muscles making them shake; the vibration rippled through Levi. It was too much
stimulation; he couldn’t hold off.

“Fuck!” He threw his arms around Erwin’s waist, clinging to him, as his entire body seized. His
orgasm lasted several pulses longer than normal, the last ones making him shudder. Light-headed,
he pulled out and sank to his knees.

Erwin knelt beside him and wrapped his arms around him, softly kissing the top of his head. Levi
slumped against him.

“Think that will take the edge off?” Erwin asked, a hint of cheek in his voice.

“Fuck,” Levi panted. “I think I blew three loads’ worth of come into your ass.”
Erwin gave a laugh that was somewhere between amusement and shock. “I think that’s the crassest
thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Not thinking so clearly right now.” Levi nuzzled under his chin. It felt good to be held by him,
both of their skin glowing and damp. His mind was fuzzy, his body relaxed.

“We’ll probably be more comfortable on the bed,” Erwin said quietly. “But first, we should clean
ourselves up a bit. You should wash yourself off, and I apparently have three loads of … ” He
trailed off. “I can’t even say it. You really outdid yourself with that one, Levi.”

“You bring out the best in me.”

Erwin kissed his temple. “I almost forgot—I bet you’d like to get rid of that beard.”

They quickly cleaned up in the shower, then Levi lathered and shaved his neck only, saving his
facial hair. Once he was ready, he sat in the chair. Erwin knelt in front of him and applied the
cream, his brows pinched with concentration. “How high do you want your sideburns?”

Levi shrugged. “I’m going to shave my undercut tomorrow, so it doesn’t really matter.”

He wasn’t sure how he’d feel about someone bringing a blade to his face, but he felt only the
tiniest flicker of panic. Erwin lifted his chin with two fingers and began to shave, his movements
precise and gentle.

“You’ve done this before,” Levi said.

“Careful—your face moves when you talk. I don’t want to nick you.” Erwin studied his chin,
delicately sliding the blade across it. “And no, this is my first time shaving someone else. I’ve
always wanted to, though. I love the trust involved, and the chance to really study and feel each
contour of your face. It’s intimate.” He paused and bent forward to kiss the tip of Levi’s nose, then
continued.

It was intimate, Levi decided, and surprisingly comfortable.

“There.” Erwin pulled away, tracing the newly-shaven jaw with his fingertip.

“Wait.” Levi’s heart beat in his throat. “Do me a favour and try something?”

“Anything.”

“Shave my neck.”

Erwin’s head cocked a little. “You already—”

“Just a bit. Just mimic it. Right over my throat.” Levi’s hands balled into fists, his palms sweaty.

“Okay.” The confidence drained from his face, but his hands were still steady as he lathered a tiny
bit of cream at Levi’s throat, then began to slide the blade along the skin. He paused, his eyes
locking onto Levi, as if checking with him that everything was okay.

Levi realized he was holding his breath. His heart raced, his palms sweating, but he wasn’t
panicking or flashing back to old nightmares. A few years ago, even a dinner knife pointing in his
direction on a table would have sent him into a panic.

“Levi?” Erwin asked quietly, lowering the blade.

He wanted to explain just how much the gesture had meant, but the words wouldn’t form. All he
could manage was, “I trust you, Erwin.”

Erwin must have understood the hidden depth to the words, because he reached out to squeeze
Levi’s hand, looking him squarely in the eyes. “I know. And I trust you, too.”

Levi swallowed hard, drawn into the gentle gaze. Trust is an act of equality , said Hange’s voice in
his mind, and staring into that gaze, he agreed.

Erwin lifted their joined hands and kissed a knuckle. “What next? Shall we sit on the bed and
enjoy some wine?”

“Yes.” Levi’s voice was more breathless than he had intended, and he blushed.

“Here.” Erwin pulled a couple of bathrobes out of the closet. The smaller was worn and soft, and it
smelled like his cologne.

They settled on the bed in their robes. Erwin refilled their glasses and began to catch him up on
some of the events he had missed while he had been away, including Berit’s proposal from her
boyfriend.

“You think she’s going to say yes?” Levi asked, wondering who they would promote to replace
her.

“I’m not sure. She seemed more open to the idea once I suggested she move to Shadis’ division
instead. It was an interesting discussion, in many ways.” He fell silent, and a smile crept across his
lips.

“What?” Levi asked.

“Hm?”

“What’s that dumb look for?”

“Ah, sorry.” Erwin paused. “I suppose a part of me hopes she’ll accept and invite us. I have a soft
spot for weddings.”

“Yeah?” Levi felt there was more to it than that. He thought of Marie, and Jasper, and felt a wave
of sympathy for him. “I bet you would have been a good family man.”

Erwin glanced at him. “A man with my career goals has no business having a family.”

“I mean if the circumstances were different. You’re so damned considerate and smart, you’d be
perfect at it, just like anything you do.”

“That’s quite the compliment, Levi. You know I don’t regret how anything turned out, don’t you?
I’m very lucky. I’ve fallen in love with someone who shares my goals, my passion. Our futures
overlap perfectly: the two of us saving the world together. Maybe it will end us early, and maybe
it’s stressful, but at least it’s not lonely.”

“I bet we’d get bored if we didn’t have all this stress hanging over our head, anyway.”

“You’re probably right.” Erwin leaned closer. “Still, if we make it through this, I want you to
understand: the only person I want to grow old with is you.”

The words hit Levi hard; he slowly set his glass down, his chest glowing. I want to grow old with
you, too. I hope we have the chance. There was a strange melancholy in his throat now, blending
with that glow, filling him.

“Levi?” A thick brow furrowed. “Is something wrong?”

He lunged at Erwin, wrapping his arms around him, and buried his face in the thick collarbone. A
moment later, he felt an arm settle around him, a cheek resting on top of his head.

Maybe it was the wine, maybe the strength of their embrace, that provoked Levi to say the words:
“I love you.”

Erwin’s embrace tightened, his voice cracking: “I love you, too.”

A white-hot rush flooded Levi’s body. He clung to Erwin, and Erwin clung to him, and for several
minutes, neither of them moved.

Gradually, slowly, their grip loosened and they pulled apart. The blue eyes held Levi’s, filled with
such adoration that a flush rose to his cheeks. He settled to a seat again, retrieving his wine glass.
He could feel the blue eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look. How did a person
transition to normal conversation after something that intense?

“Are you hungry?” Erwin asked awkwardly. “I hoped the wine and treats would tide us over until
we got some actual dinner, but—”

“I’ll have a bit more.” Levi grabbed the jar of jerky; they each took a strip and began to eat. He was
becoming aware that he wasn’t the only one feeling awkward. Deciding they’d be more
comfortable if they were touching, he slid over until their thighs pressed together. Erwin’s thigh
looked massive next to his, even covered in the housecoat. I always forget how fucking huge he is.

“ I’m feeling a bit shy,” Erwin murmured. “That’s strange, isn’t it? We’ve been together for a few
weeks now, and I’ve known you a year and a half.”

Levi shrugged. “It makes sense. We’ve been apart for ten days.”

“We were having sex a few minutes ago.”

“It’s easier to fuck than talk.”

“I suppose, in some ways.” Erwin looked thoughtful. “Also, part of my shyness is that I’m trying to
figure out a good segue to let you know how hard I am.”

Levi barely managed to swallow his mouthful of wine; he coughed. “What?” He reached over and
opened Erwin’s robe. “Holy shit.”

“This wine is supposedly an aphrodisiac.”

“That, and you haven’t actually come yet.” Levi knelt on the floor in front of him, careful not to
spill his glass, and gently ran his tongue around the head. He heard Erwin’s breath catch.

“Levi … ”

“Want me to stop?” He sealed his lips around him and sucked gently. This time, Erwin gave a low
moan.

“Levi, wait. I have other plans.”

“You keep saying that, but I don’t see you following through.”

Erwin’s jaw set; he caught the smaller man under the armpits and lifted him as if he were a child.

“What the hell?” Levi demanded, but then broad lips closed over his mouth, and his indignation
faded. A tongue slid between his lips.

Then Erwin pulled away, leaving his face feeling chilled by contrast. “Finish your wine, then
disrobe and lie on your back. I promised to massage every bit of your body, and I intend to follow
through.”

“Okay,” Levi managed, breathless. He drained the rest of his wine in one swallow. When he
lowered the glass, he saw the other’s head shake. “What?”

“I didn’t quite mean to finish it all in one gulp, but I suppose it works.” Erwin finished the last
mouthful of his wine, then set the glass aside. “I’m going to use massage oil. I thought you might
be uncomfortable with the sensation of oil buildup on your skin, so I’d be happy to wipe it away as
we go if the sensation bothers you.”

There you go, being considerate again. Levi stood and let the robe slide off his shoulders, then
stepped out of it. He folded it neatly in half and draped it over the back of a chair.

“Here.” Erwin pulled back the top cover, revealing a clean sheet. Levi settled back onto it, hands
curling into fists at his sides.

Erwin turned down the lamp and lit the candles. He straddled Levi’s legs, still wearing his
bathrobe. The front of the robe was loose at the top, exposing a large triangle of his muscular
chest. His underside was bare, resting against Levi’s thighs, radiating warmth.

“So tense.” Erwin trailed his fingertips along Levi’s forearm, then lifted the clenched fist. He
kissed a knuckle, then uncurled a finger, pulling it into his mouth. Goosebumps erupted along
Levi’s arm. That mouth was so beautiful, with its faintly snub upper lip and plump, soft flesh. It
was a good thing, he reflected, that they’d gotten him off before this; his body was already stirring.

“Hm.” Erwin pulled the finger from his mouth. “I shouldn’t get too carried away. We haven’t even
started the massage yet, and I’m already trying to seduce you.” He pulled Levi’s arm straight and
lifted a bottle of oil, pouring a small stream along the inside of the forearm. The goosebumps made
Levi’s skin so sensitive that a pleasant shiver rippled through his arm and down his torso, landing
between his legs.

“The oil’s going to feel warm in a moment.” Erwin barely voiced the words. “Don’t be alarmed.”
He smoothed a broad hand along the skin, rubbing in the oil. He used plenty of pressure, just the
way Levi liked it. The surface of his skin began to tingle, and he sucked in a breath of air,
surprised.

“Does it feel good?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it really does.” The thumb slid along his skin, working firm circles along the
muscles. The pain and tension from holding the reins began to slide away.

Erwin’s lids were low, the pupils barely visible beneath the fringe of dark blond eyelashes. His
face was relaxed, his lips slightly parted. It was a look of adoration, expressing an emotion that
Levi felt, too, kindling in his belly and chest.

Once his arms and shoulders were done, oil trickled across his collarbone, then the strong grip
began to work across his chest muscles, lingering. And lingering.

“I didn’t realize you liked my chest this much,” Levi said after a few minutes.

Erwin smiled. “Well, there’s a lot of tension here. I have to be sure I get every last bit of it.” His
thumbs slid across the nipples, which tingled from the massage oil, and Levi gave a sharp gasp. “I
do like your chest, and I don’t think I’ve spent enough time showing that until now. One of my
favourite things about your pectorals is the way they flex when you’re inside me. Earlier tonight, I
could see them in the mirror, contracting with each thrust.”

“Yeah?”

“Flexing in conjunction with these shoulders. Such a beautiful sight.” Erwin rubbed his shoulders
again.

“You already massaged those.”

“I’m backtracking, aren’t I?” Broad palms slid down to Levi’s abdomen. “I suppose I should press
ahead, or I’m never going to finish this massage.”

Levi finally gave in and closed his eyes, letting relaxation settle over him like a warm blanket.
“Take your time.”

The massage gradually travelled down his abdomen and across to his hips. As tension slipped
away from the rest of his body, it began to build between his legs instead. When Erwin crossed
over a particularly sensitive spot inside the hip bones, Levi gasped.

“Hm, I see.” Erwin’s thumbs slowly circled. “Like that?”

“Fuck.” Levi had always known his hips were sensitive, but not like this. His groin began to throb,
and he gasped again, his back arching.

“I wish I could grab you right now,” Erwin said, “but this oil would probably burn. That being
said, you are making a bit of a mess. Maybe I can clean that up for you.”

Hot lips closed around him. Levi’s eyes flew open, and his gaze locked with Erwin’s as Erwin
slowly took him a few centimetres into his mouth, his tongue swirling.

“Fuck!” Levi tried to thrust further into his mouth, but Erwin broke contact.

“I’m getting carried away again.” His gaze was even. “The plan was to relax you, but I’m getting
you worked up instead. Perhaps we should leave your hips alone for now.”

Levi gave a choked cry. “Screw your plans.”

“No, I think I’ll stick with them. Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy yourself. Just try to be patient.”

Levi swore he saw a twinkle of mischief in the blue eyes. That bastard is enjoying torturing me.
This is payback for the time I fucked him in the harness, isn’t it?

Erwin slid to the end of the bed, by his feet; his robe shifted as he moved, revealing that he was
every bit as hard as Levi. Well, at least I’m not the only one in agony.

“ I imagine you aren’t interested in your feet getting any sort of attention, right?” Erwin asked.
“Licking or sucking or anything like that?”
The idea jarred Levi out of his haze. “Disgusting. I barely even like anyone touching them. Don’t
tell me you have a thing for feet?” Getting used to someone fucking his ass was one thing; letting
someone do weird things to his feet was another. So far as he was concerned, feet were ugly,
utilitarian body parts, covered in germs and prone to odour.

“No, I’m not particularly fond of them, either. But as far as feet go, yours are lovely. They’re so—”
He cut himself off and glanced up.

“Say small, and I’ll plant one of them between your legs.”

Erwin chuckled. “They’re so perfectly proportional to your height.” He ran his hands along the
tops of Levi’s feet, to his ankles, then around to the back of his calves. A groan slid from Levi’s
lips. He often forgot how much stress his calves held during riding and manoeuvring.

“Your legs are so strong.” Erwin’s voice was a soft rumble. The front of his robe was tenting.

Levi swallowed hard. “You like them, don’t you?”

“I do.” The grip travelled up to his thighs, then back down, feeling more like a grope than a proper
massage. “You’re dripping, Levi. Looks like I’m going to have to clean you up again.”

“You, too,” Levi said, nodding between Erwin’s legs, where a damp patch was forming on the
fabric. Erwin looked down, his brows rising.

“I see. That’s unusual for me.”

“Guess you must be really turned on,” Levi said, trying to keep his tone cool even though his head
was spinning. So hot, so fucking hot. “ Why don’t you bring that up here and let me take care of
it?”

Erwin applied more pressure as he rubbed up and down his legs, eyes following his hands. “Hm.”

“That’s not an answer.”

The hands smoothed up and then down once more before he got his answer: “Okay, just for a
minute or two.” Erwin stood and moved to kneel on the bed beside Levi, who carefully separated
the flaps of the bathrobe.

“Look how hard you are.” Levi’s fingertips fluttered along him, and he heard a sharp intake of
breath in response.

“Roll onto your side a bit,” Erwin said, stretching out on his side, too, but facing the other way.
“Maybe we can both do this at the same time.”

It took some manoeuvring, but they managed to align themselves. Levi took Erwin into his mouth
—just the tip, just so he could clean him off with his tongue—and shuddered as he felt Erwin do
the same. He grabbed Erwin’s hip and felt the muscles flex in rhythmic pulses, as if he were about
to thrust but then restraining himself. That alone would have been enough to make Levi throb, but
he had Erwin’s mouth to contend with, too: persistently lapping, too faint to bring him closer to
orgasm, but strong enough that he ached to press deeper.

Even stronger than the physical sensations was the sense of connection. He could flick his tongue
and hear Erwin moan in response, and that same moan, in turn, would vibrate him. As if our bodies
are joined. As if we’re feeling the same things at the same time. He took Erwin deep into his
mouth, desperate to be even closer, to feel what he felt.
“Wait,” Erwin said, tearing himself away. His hip muscles were rock-hard.

“Mm?” hummed Levi, plunging him into his throat.

“Levi!” A strong hand entangled in his hair and yanked his head back.

He looked down at Erwin, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Too much?”

“I don’t—” Erwin’s eyes were closed, his hair in his face. He seemed to be struggling for breath. “I
don’t know how I’m going to hold back once I’m inside you.”

Levi felt a shiver of anticipation, augmented by the tingling sensation from the massage oil. “You
okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” Erwin took a long breath, then slowly let it out. His eyes opened. “I
wasn’t expecting that to be so intense.”

Levi knew exactly what he meant, but he set his jaw. “Well, pull yourself together. You’ve got
plans to execute, remember?”

Erwin chuckled and sat up. “That I do. Let me wipe the oil off so you can lie on your stomach. I’ll
do your back next.”

They worked together to wipe the oil off Levi’s body, and then he lay on his stomach. Erwin began
to work his upper back, silent.

“You okay?” Levi asked after a few minutes. “You were so chatty before.”

“Mm. I didn’t expect all this to be so taxing on my self-control.” Warm palms slid along Levi’s
shoulder blades, leaving tingling skin in their wake. “I wonder if I’ll ever be able to dote on you
without getting painfully aroused? Will time dull this overwhelming chemistry between us?” The
palms slid down to the base of his spine.

“Who knows?” Levi closed his eyes. His muscles were feeling loose and rubbery, and his mind
was the same, no doubt partly thanks to the wine. He felt the bed shift, then Erwin sat near his
ankles, running his hands along Levi’s calves and hamstrings. “Why’d you skip my ass? It has
muscles, too.”

“Indeed it does.” Erwin leaned forward to kiss a cheek. “But I don’t want to use this oil near such a
sensitive area, in case it burns. If you want me to switch over to the lubricant now, I can give it
some attention.”

“Maybe just a bit longer on my lower back first.”

A few minutes later, Erwin wiped the oil with a towel, then stood. His voice was gentle: “I’m
going to go wash my hands and get the lubricant. Help yourself to some more wine or food, if you
wish.”

Levi rolled onto his side to look at him. “Step closer for a second.”

When Erwin complied, Levi parted the front of his robe and leaned closer, pulling him into his
mouth again. Erwin gasped a series of barely-formed curses, his eyes fluttering closed.

“There.” Levi kissed the tip, then lay back on the bed. “Don’t take too long.”

Erwin stared down at him for a moment, his eyes glazed, then turned and walked to the bathroom.
While he was waiting, Levi sat up and helped himself to half a glass of wine, another strip of jerky,
and a few sweets. His movements were clumsy, but he didn’t feel drunk, just comfortable and
happy.

When Erwin stepped into the room again, he had left his robe behind, leaving him naked. He
seemed to have regained his composure: his face was neutral, his stance relaxed.

Levi lay on his stomach again. The bed shifted behind him, then oil drizzled across his ass. Erwin
gripped the muscles, and as he began to massage him , Levi released a long groan into the pillow.

“Feel good?” Erwin’s voice caught.

“Yeah.” Levi was beginning to get that novel sensation he had experienced the last couple times
they had done this, that empty feeling inside him that needed filling. Previously, he had greeted it
with some apprehension, but this time, he was relaxed enough to embrace it. It was just a position,
after all. The connection between them was so strong that he wanted to express it any way he
could. For the first time, he said the words without forcing them: “I want you inside me.”

“I see,” Erwin said, distracted, as if he were disconnected from the words leaving his mouth. His
hands were tightening, the pressure increasing. His thumb slid across the top of Levi’s tailbone,
setting off a shiver that ran through his spine. “My hands? My tongue? Or something else?”

“Not your tongue.”

“I see. Can I put it nearby? Say, here?” The thumb ran along his tailbone again, and the skin there
was so sensitive that Levi couldn’t stop himself from imagining how a hot breath would feel
against it.

“Okay.”

He felt a finger slide between the muscles, then deeper. He gasped, his hips arching back against
the force.

“You’re eager,” Erwin said, surprised. He kissed the base of Levi’s spine, then his tongue slid
along the top of his tailbone. A sensation that was half-tickle, half pleasure exploded from the
contact, travelling through Levi’s body in tiny, strand-like shivers. He barely managed to squelch a
moan as it left his throat.

“No one will hear you but me,” Erwin murmured into the flesh, his finger slipping deeper. “Don’t
censor yourself.” He began to stroke deep inside him, coaxing stronger and stronger sensations out
of him.

“Shit!” Levi’s hips arched off the bed as he pushed back, not caring anymore about decorum, or
cleanliness, or anything except those growing sensations. Erwin’s tongue stroked his tailbone,
alternating between tense, pointy strokes and flat, soft strokes, and he felt another cry building in
his throat. This time, he let it sound. Erwin moaned in response. His free arm slid under Levi’s
abdomen, lifting it off the bed to draw him in closer to his mouth. His finger was relentless, and
Levi gasped. He wanted more fingers, as many as Erwin could give him; he wanted his mouth
down lower to replace his finger. He wanted every sensation, every experience, every possible way
they could express their love.

A few minutes later, Erwin’s embrace began to tighten, his finger moving with more and more
pressure. His kisses trailed across Levi’s ass, and his teeth pressed gently into the flesh. Levi cried
out, his hands curling into the pillow.
“Fuck me.”

“Yeah?” Erwin ran his tongue over the area he had just bitten. “You sure? I can keep going like
this for a bit.”

Levi bucked back against him, too delirious to phrase a full response. “Please.”

Erwin hummed and kissed him one last time, then pulled out. He rolled Levi onto his back, then
paused to wipe his hands on a handkerchief. Levi watched, breathing hard. His mind was tingling
almost as much as his skin.

Erwin set aside the handkerchief and reached for the lubricant, but Levi blocked his hand.

“Let me do that.”

Erwin nodded, and moved to the bed, kneeling between his legs. Levi pooled the oil in his palm
and began to stroke him, their eyes locking. Erwin looked so beautiful in the candlelight, his face
pinched with desire, his body tense, his chest rising and falling with audible breaths. Levi wanted
to compliment him, but he couldn’t find the words, so he whispered his name instead. He felt a
throb in response.

Satisfied that Erwin was coated, he released him, using the last bit of oil on himself.

Erwin bent down to kiss his forehead, then reached under Levi’s lower back, tilting his hips to line
up the angle. Levi guided him inside and then pushed against him, taking him all the way in. They
groaned in unison, their bodies pulsing together, holding in place while they adjusted.

Erwin was the first to recover. “Ready?” he whispered.

So fucking considerate. Levi looked up at him, at the golden hair glowing in the candlelight, at the
large, soft pupils, and felt a swell of love so strong that his throat tightened again. “Yes.”

Erwin’s hands closed around either side of Levi’s face, their noses almost touching, as he began to
move. He quickly found the best angle, and Levi cried out, his head tossing back. He wrapped his
limbs tightly around Erwin’s torso.

“Levi.” Erwin bent in and kissed his neck, under his ear, his jaw. His breaths were hot and loud,
synchronized with his movements. So slow, so gentle, but such force at the end of each stroke, as if
he were barely keeping himself contained.

“Fuck,” Levi whimpered. It felt so good, as if Erwin knew exactly how to read his body, exactly
how to interact with it.

For a moment, Levi was distracted, trying to figure out what he should be doing to contribute, but
then he remembered that he was supposed to be letting his body guide him instead of overthinking
everything. He closed his eyes and felt the rhythm of the thrusts, letting himself slip into something
akin to his battle state of mind. No thought, no strategy, just the movement of Erwin’s body, the
building sensations in his own. He began to rock his hips, counter-thrusting.

“Levi,” Erwin gasped.

He opened his eyes a crack. “Does that feel good?”

“Yeah.”
Levi raked a hand into the back of the golden hair, drawing him closer. Their bodies slid together,
friction building between their chests. He groaned and moved side-to-side a little, accentuating the
sensation of hair sliding against hair.

Erwin gave a soft cry, hips angling deeper, and now he was hitting the right spot on his way in and
out. Levi felt himself begin to drift, clinging to the strong body to anchor himself, completely
unaware of anything outside the two of them. This is so much more than just sex, he thought,
feeling that bond, that connection, beginning to form again. This is trust. This is love.

“ Levi, you feel so good, so good … ” The grip on either side of his head tightened, fingers raking
into his hair. Deep inside him, he could feel Erwin getting harder, larger, massaging him just as
firmly and lovingly as his hands had massaged his body minutes ago.

Levi raked his back, arching against him with each thrust.

“Oh fuck,” Erwin gasped. Their foreheads pressed together and their lips met once, twice. “I’m
getting close. I want to come with you.”

Grunting, Levi forced his hand between them and began to touch himself. Their breath mingled
between their open mouths, their eyes holding until a surge of energy forced Levi’s closed. “Oh
fuck, Erwin, I’m close.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay. So am I.” Erwin kissed his nose, his brow, his forehead, as he began to thrust
harder.

“Erwin … ” Levi tilted his hips, finding the best angle. “Fuck!” He could feel every twitch, every
pulse, every rush, all of it travelling between them, belonging to both of them.

A trembling hand raked deep into his hair, their lips barely skimming. “Oh god, fuck, Levi, I’m
going to come, I’m going to come—” The words rose in pitch, blending together.

Levi yelled through clenched teeth, his grip speeding up, his hips rocking so hard that his muscles
ached. He tried to say Erwin’s name again, but his lips were flared and he couldn’t move them.

Then Erwin cried his name and gave a final thrust. His energy rippled through Levi, filled him with
white light that glowed brighter and brighter until it overwhelmed him. They clung to each other,
their bodies contracting together, their yells melding into one, as the pleasure they had built
together moved through them in waves.

Slowly, Levi’s body relaxed into the mattress, the fog lifting from his mind. The last few twitches
were just leaving him—or maybe they were Erwin’s twitches rippling through him.

An unsteady hand stroked his forehead, and he opened his eyes. Erwin had propped himself on one
elbow to look down at him, eyes glassy. A lump began to form in Levi’s throat. His hand closed
over Erwin’s; their fingers wove together. For a moment, neither spoke.

Then Erwin smiled and began to roll off him. “I have clean handkerchiefs, and if you want to use
the shower again—”

“Wait.” Levi caught his wrist.

Erwin paused, looking back at him.

“Just … a few more minutes.” The desire to stay close to that warm body was, surprisingly,
stronger than the desire to mop up.
Erwin looked surprised, too, but he only nodded. He settled back into bed. Levi rolled onto his side
and rested his cheek on the muscular chest. The heart beat beneath his ear was strong and fast. He
closed his eyes.

“Everything okay?” Erwin whispered after a moment.

“That was … ” He couldn’t find the right word. “That was important.”

There was a pause, then Erwin said softly, “Yes, it was.”

After a moment, Levi felt the covers settle gently around his shoulders, and a hand gently stroked
the hair off his forehead.

“I’m so glad you came back,” Erwin whispered, the words hitching.

A tear leaked from the corner of Levi’s eye. He snuggled closer, burying it safely in Erwin’s chest.
 Smoke
Chapter Notes

Thank you so much for your continued support, comments, recs and kudos! It means
so much to me.

Previous chapter: Levi & Hange's scouting mission is interrupted by miserable

weather, so they're forced to return to Trost several days late with their mission half-
complete. Levi and Erwin retire to Erwin's apartment, where Levi showers and then
they make love, sharing a deep connection between them.

-21-

Smoke

“Advance!” Erwin yelled.

With a roar, the Survey Corps rushed through the open gate. The expedition had begun.

Blood surged through Erwin’s arteries, his skin tingling, electrified by the energy of two hundred
troops moving together under his command. After so many years of working and planning, this
was his chance to prove himself—to Sahlo, to the townsfolk, to the Corps, to himself. The late
nights, the stress, the political manoeuvring would all be worth it when they returned with enough
supplies to carve a path to Wall Maria and enough funds to bolster their research branch.

Even though Berit’s team had worked hard to clear the titans from the city on the other side of the
wall, more titans approached, curious about the ruckus. Erwin kept his gaze fixed straight ahead,
trusting the support teams to do their job. An anguished cry sounded behind him, and he was
certain that had been their first casualty, but he didn’t look back. If he mourned every death along
the way, he wouldn’t stay focused on their objective. He could mourn once the mission was
complete.

Still, he glanced at Levi to make sure he was still riding at his side. As requested, Levi had been
given complete autonomy over his role in the mission. His squad, overall, was subject to the same
plans as everyone else, but Levi had assembled a strike team of five soldiers who would travel with
him through the formation as needed: Eld, Sonja, Gunther, Nadya and Anton. They rode behind
Levi in a V-formation.

Levi glanced at Erwin. “Think the support teams need backup?”

“Your call. I’d wait for a signal flare.”

As if on cue, a red flare went up near the back of the formation.

“Let’s go,” Levi said to his team, and with shouts of “Squad Leader, sir!” the five of them pulled
away from the group. Erwin kept his gaze forward and fired a green flare, letting the regiment
know to continue their advance.

As they pulled away from the city, the ground before them opened up into a green meadow. Erwin
thrust out his right hand. “Deploy Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation!”

A bark of acknowledgement sounded behind him. The hoof beats began to fan out. Erwin fell back
to ride behind Berit’s team. Half her squad rode in the vanguard, the other half in the rear,
protecting the carts. Mike and Levi’s squads formed the right and left flanks, and Hange’s teams
were scattered throughout the formation to support and observe.

Erwin kept their pace to a slow trot. While the ground here had mostly dried out since the
rainstorms, there was no telling if that was the case further south. The ride was uneventful save for
a persistent group of titans hounding them to the east. Erwin had to redirect the formation several
times. He wondered how many lives they were losing. That was Mike’s area, so with any luck, he
had smelled the titans before anyone had been forced to engage.

A rider approached from Hange’s group: Nifa. “Sir,” she called. “We’re approaching the
designated rest spot. Mike smells titans ahead, clustered. It’s likely that the choke point we
struggled with during the scouting mission is heavily populated again.”

“Thank you, Nifa,” Erwin said. “Any losses?”

“Not from our group, sir. Mike’s nose has been most helpful.”

Erwin let out a breath. He fired a white flare into the sky to pull in the formation.

While they stopped in the clearing for a break, Mike and Nanaba scouted ahead, gathering
information about the titan population in the choke point. Erwin spoke briefly with a couple team
leaders, then took a break himself, pulling a small bag of food out of his saddle bag.

“Hey Erwin.”

He turned to see Levi approaching him, a ration bar in one hand, a water canister in another.

“Levi.” He nodded. “Something to report?”

They fell into step beside each other, pacing idly away from the group.

“We followed the red flares,” Levi said. “Helped Berit’s team at first, then travelled across to
support Mike.”

“Good.” Erwin stopped, staring at the hill that stood between them and the titans. “Mike smells a
group in the meadow ahead, much like what you and Hange encountered during your scouting
mission. We need to take them out, or at least thin their numbers; this choke point is going to be
critical in other scouting missions and expeditions. How many titans can your strike team take on?”

“If they’re clustered, I can take four easily, five in a crunch. The others, maybe three or four.”
Levi’s eyes narrowed, gaze distant, as if he were planning. “Send Mike in with another strike team.
We could pincer them.”

“Setting up a pincer will take too long; your primary objective is to keep the titans off the rest of
the group. Even if you can’t drop them all, herd them away from the group and keep them
cornered.”

“Okay.” Levi took a swig of water, then wiped his mouth. “We’ll look at the layout Mike gives us
and figure out our approach.” He bit into a bar of rations, then grimaced and washed it down with
more water. “Little pucks of dried shit.”
“Here.” Erwin pulled a couple pieces of wrapped taffy out of his jacket pocket, pressing them
secretly into Levi’s hand.

Levi stared at them. “You brought these for me?”

“I figured you’d be sick of rations—your scouting mission was so recent.” Erwin gave him a
formal nod. “Call me over when you and Mike are finalizing your plans. I’ll start relaying
formation instructions to the rest of the group.” He turned away, looking for Berit and Hange.

Thirty minutes later, Levi stood by his horse with Mike and thirteen other soldiers: his strike team,
Mike’s five best soldiers, and three of Berit’s strongest defenders.

Levi stuffed the last piece of taffy in his mouth, chewed, then swallowed and turned to face Mike.
“Okay, now I’m ready.”

Mike sniffed. “Taffy?” He raised a brow. “Special ration privileges?”

“Shut up.” Levi mounted, then circled his horse to face the other soldiers. “Everyone ready?”

“Sir,” they rang out in chorus.

He turned to look at Erwin, who sat atop his horse near the front of the formation, ready to charge
through the meadow two minutes after the strike team had deployed. Erwin’s gaze was
dispassionate and steady, but Levi was beginning to understand Erwin: the colder he looked, the
more emotion he was repressing. Lifting a hand, Levi waved, letting him know they were ready.
The return wave was stiff.

“Guess we’re good,” he said, turning back to Mike, who nodded. Levi was starting to understand
him better, too; instead of becoming cold, Mike became quiet.

“Okay.” Levi shifted his grip on the reins, his palms sweaty. “Let’s go.”

They filed through the trees and into the meadow, then moved into formation. Most of the titans
were once again clustered on the eastern side of the meadow. Levi recognized several of the same
titans he had seen during the scouting mission. Guess they’ll hang around if we don’t kill them. As
they approached the group, a few of the beasts looked up, their faces twisted and grotesque. Levi’s
eyes narrowed.

“Ready 3DMG and wait for my command.”

Around him, he heard blades clicking in place. He clicked his into place, too, and climbed onto the
saddle, crouching low on the horse’s back. A bit closer … a bit closer …

“ Now.” He fired a grapple into the back of the nearest titan and reeled himself in, cutting a chunk
out of its flesh. Using his momentum to pull into a spin, he took out two titans beside it, zigzagging
between them. Around him, he could hear the movements of his teammates, the thudding steps of
the titans, and the whistle of grapple points slicing through the air.

Then a scream.
He turned to see Nanaba caught in a titan’s grasp, eyes wide with panic. He aimed his gear,
intending to slice off its fingers to free her. Mike got there first, slicing the tendons in its wrist. Its
hand opened.

Not wasting time making sure she was safe—Mike had her now—Levi turned back to his task. He
anchored on another titan’s back and went for its nape. Four. Red was clouding his vision, but he
blinked it back. He had to stay present, had to keep his teammate’s positions and safety in mind.
Five. Adrenaline fuelled him; he was getting stronger, not weaker. He growled and dove for a sixth.

“Sir!” Eld’s voice, to his right. He turned. Sonja was clinging to the hair of a six metre as it tried to
shake her off; her leg, severed at the knee, trailed blood down its face. Eld and Gunther were
frantically trying to land a grapple on it, but it was thrashing too much.

“Fuck.” Levi redirected from his sixth target. He blasted the gas to propel himself high into the air,
instantly assessing the situation. Sonja was swinging in front of the titan’s eyes as it thrashed, so he
couldn’t throw his blades to blind it without potentially impaling her.

“Sonja, let go! Eld, Gunther: catch her.” He began to dive toward the titan’s eyes.

Sonja released the titan’s hair and began to fall. Below her, Eld and Gunther prepared to intercept.

The titan stopped thrashing and dove forward, mouth opening wide.

There was a scream cut short by a loud, wet crunch, then Sonja’s severed arm was flying through
the air.

Levi roared and gouged out the titan’s eyes. It staggered backwards; he leapt away and sank a
grapple into its shoulder, then swung around. His blades cut deep into its nape.

It fell to the ground, its mouth lolling open. Sonja’s remains rolled out, covered with a slick layer
of slime. Her eyes were wide and blank.

Not again! The redness was closing in on Levi’s vision now, and he wrestled it back. No, he
couldn’t give into his rage. He had to get everyone else out alive.

“Gunther!” Eld yelled.

Levi’s eyes snapped to the sound. Gunther stood on the ground staring at Sonya’s remains, his skin
pale.

“You idiot, move!” Levi propelled himself forward to take out a titan closing in on the shocked
soldier. Eld downed another beside him by cutting out its ankles; Levi swooped in to finish it off.

One last titan toppled in his periphery, and then it was over.

The survivors stared at one another, drenched in steaming blood, as the remains around them began
to dissolve.

Mike walked up to Levi, wiping blood off his cheek. The shake of his head told the whole story.

“Who?” Levi asked.

“Jan.”

“Shit,” Levi said. “Sonja.”

“Shit.”

They stared at the steaming titan remains for a moment longer, silent. On the far side of the
meadow, the last of the Survey Corps formation passed through.

Levi strode forward and grabbed Sonja’s remains by the wrist, dragging her toward the horse.
Wordlessly, Mike did the same for Jan.

“Everyone saddle up,” Levi said. “We defeated this group, but no telling how many more are out
there.” He slung Sonja’s body over her horse, tying it in place by her harnesses. “Eld, lead her
horse.”

“Sir.” Eld’s face was pale, but his jaw was tight. Determined. He had already come so far since
their last mission.

They rode toward the rest of the group, pushing hard to reclaim their positions.

“Stay back by the carts for now,” Levi said to his strike team. He rode ahead to catch up with
Erwin.

Erwin’s eyes stayed fixed on the horizon as he approached. “Impressive work. We got everyone
through safely, and that particular cluster won’t be bothering us again.”

“Sonja and Jan are dead.”

Erwin finally looked at him. “I see.” It was his cold, professional gaze, and Levi longed for a spark
of sympathy, just a spark—anything to let him know he wasn’t alone.

“I gave the order that got Sonja killed.” Levi felt his composure begin to crack.

Erwin studied him for a moment longer, then looked forward again. “Is your focus compromised?”

“Of course not.”

“Then we’ll discuss it later. Dismissed, Squad Leader.”

“Sir,” Levi said, because if Erwin was going to be distant and formal, then he’d get it right back.

He dropped back to ride with his squad, his stomach churning.

Erwin felt a wave of relief as they closed in on the checkpoint. His composure was at its limits. The
ride past the meadow had been harrowing, with constant redirections that had added an hour to
their journey. Still, the formation had done its job; despite the many sightings, they hadn’t clashed
with any other titans.

The checkpoint was as decrepit as Hange and Levi had said, but the wall around it was solid. As
the troops cared for the horses and began to patrol the area, Erwin brought his officers to an old
room with a large table and a few intact chairs. The first task was to update their roster. He began
to flip through the roster, marking off names. Four casualties: two from Berit’s squad, one from
Mike’s, one from Levi’s. The three of them looked grim, their eyes downcast.
“Considering how much strife we faced today, these losses are far fewer than I anticipated,” Erwin
said. “All four of you did well out there. Mike and Levi, I know I originally said I wanted you to
begin your daily scouting operations today, but I think it’s more valuable for you to rest. The
information from last week’s scouting mission should be sufficient for the first two silos. The
scouting operations will become more important later, as we approach the silos we didn’t scout in
advance.”

As his gaze drifted between them, he saw Levi’s face twisting. He’s upset about Sonja. Erwin’s
heart ached for him. He knew how sensitive Levi was to death.

Now wasn’t the time to console him, however. He rolled out the map and began to walk them
through instructions for the next day.

Once the orders were clear, the officers gathered the troops in the large common room downstairs.
Erwin began to brief everyone on the next day’s objectives while they ate, then handed the floor to
Berit, who assigned watch duties and patrols.

As she finished speaking, he wove his way over to Levi, who was leaning against the back corner
of the room, staring absently at the floor.

Erwin leaned against the wall beside him. “You aren’t eating?”

Levi shrugged, not looking up. “In a bit.”

“Would you care to accompany me for a walk? I want to discuss a few things with you.”

“I can’t do this right now.”

Erwin stood tall, clasping his hands behind his back. “Do ‘this’?”

“Hear a bullshit speech about how it was for the greater good, and everyone here is prepared to
offer their beating hearts for humanity.” Levi’s mouth twisted. “Not yet.”

Taken aback, Erwin tried to study him, but Levi refused to lift his head.

“Very well. When you want to talk, come find me.” He reached out to squeeze Levi’s shoulder.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

The only response he got was a shrug.

Stomach sinking, Erwin left him alone. He brought his rations to the makeshift office, settling onto
a stone bench. Afternoon bled into evening as he logged the day’s events and expenses, then
adjusted the formation to fill the gaps left behind by the deceased. Once all that was done, he pored
over the next day’s mission, memorizing every detail. The more information he held in his mind,
the less time he’d waste consulting notes and maps. Every second counted on the field.

An hour after nightfall, a knock sounded on the door. He lifted his head and saw Levi standing in
the doorframe.

“Come in.”

Levi stepped into the room and closed the door. He was still staring at the floor, dark circles under
his eyes.

“You should be resting,” Erwin said.

A shrug. “Can’t sleep.”

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

Another shrug. “Okay.”

They fell into step as they left the base, pacing along the perimeter of the wall. The sky was clear,
the stars bright. It reminded Erwin of the night they had sat on the rooftop together, before the last
expedition.

Levi folded his arms over his chest. “She followed my orders and died, right in front of me.”

“Here.” Erwin pointed to a wooden bench, damp, mossy and rotting. Levi’s nose wrinkled, his
disgust apparently overwhelming his grief.

“I’m not sitting on that.”

Erwin unbuttoned his cloak and slung it across the bench. “Better?”

“You’re getting it dirty for nothing,” Levi said, but he sat.

Erwin sat next to him, close enough to feel his body heat. Feeling relaxed for the first time since
they had left the gates, he leaned forward, elbows on his thighs, hands hanging loosely between
them. “Autonomy is a double-edged sword, Levi. It leaves us free to make mistakes. You have to
keep in mind that you made the best decision you could with the knowledge you had at the time.”

“I know.” Levi leaned forward, too, mirroring his posture. “I’ve tried to live my life by that code:
we never know how things are going to turn out, so we have to make the best decisions we can and
look back on them without regrets.” His head bowed. “But I’ve never been good with death.”

If they were in private, Erwin would have drawn him in for a hug, but there were other soldiers on
patrol. “It gets easier.”

Levi looked up at him, his eyes wide. “Easier? If someone dies because of me, I don’t want my
grief to get easier .”

“I meant that it gets easier to keep pushing forward, to ignore it and stay focused on how their
sacrifices will aid humanity as a whole.”

“I know what you meant, but if someone around me dies, I should feel it. I deserve to feel it.
Besides, pushing everything down just sounds like a recipe to have it build up and explode out at
the wrong time.”

Erwin fell silent.

After a few minutes, Levi stood. “I’m going to bed.”

“You’re a good man, Levi.”

“What?”

Erwin looked up at him and let his mask drop, let all his insecurity and vulnerability show on his
face. “I don’t know how you keep moving forward while you’re feeling so much. I can only keep
going if I shut down my emotions entirely, bury them in goals.” He swallowed hard. “I’m not very
emotionally accessible out here. I’m sorry.”
Levi’s face softened. “I know you feel death more than you pretend. Do what you need to do,
okay?” He glanced around them, then reached out and ran his hand along Erwin’s jaw. Erwin
caught it and turned his face into it to kiss his palm. The skin smelled like leather.

Their hands trailed as they stepped apart.

He watched Levi walk away, and his heart pounded in his throat. He thought of Anke, of the four
he had lost that day, of Henrik, of his father. After so many years focusing on repressing his
emotions, he had mastered the skill. He was so disconnected now, so into his expedition state of
mind, that he felt nothing. He stared up at the stars, feeling a deep connection to the empty spaces
between them.

Eventually, he began to shiver so hard that his teeth were chattering. He stood and shook out his
cloak.

The troops were lined up in the sleeping area, bedrolls pressed tightly together for warmth. Levi
was already asleep, curled up against Hange’s back. Mike was on his other side, but he moved over
to make room when Erwin approached.

“Thanks.” Erwin wedged his bedroll between them and wormed into place, pulling the thin blanket
over his body. It was too short; his feet poked out at the end. He rolled onto his side and shifted
closer to Levi.

Levi stirred and edged back against him. He was so warm that Erwin slipped an arm under Levi’s
blanket, pulling him in close.

“Mm,” Levi murmured.

“Still awake?” Erwin whispered, but the only reply was soft snoring. He tightened his arm. The
world began to shrink until it was just him, Levi, and the warm promise of sleep.

They arose at dawn the next morning. Erwin addressed the Squad and Team Leaders over
breakfast, ensuring they were up to date on the day’s mission information. He called out the likely
titan movements as recorded by Levi and Hange, as well as past data on the area.

Levi seemed to be back to his usual self, if maybe a bit quieter than usual. Then again, things had
changed so much since their last expedition that Erwin was no longer sure what was normal for
Levi when he was on the field. Everyone wore a mask out here, and everyone’s demeanour
changed.

He pulled Levi aside as everyone was saddling up the horses. “How are you doing today, Levi?”

He shrugged. “Fine.”

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, hating the way their interactions had changed since they
had left the wall. Their barriers might be necessary, but so was the bond between them. We can use
it to our advantage; we should be helping and supporting each other out here. A little hand hold
and innocent night-time cuddling weren’t enough.
He leaned closer. “Come find me tonight. I need to speak with you privately.”

Levi’s face softened. “Okay.”

Erwin squeezed his muscular shoulder, then turned away.

They set out a short while later. The titans were more active in this area than they had been on the
first leg of the trip. The front lines saw no strife, but red and black flares frequently went up from
the flanks, no matter which way he redirected. When several went up in a row, he knew the flanks
must be engaging. Runners brought him details after each encounter. By the time they were
approaching the silo, there had been two casualties.

This silo was located on the fringes of an abandoned town. Berit’s squad was to dismount here and
travel through the town by 3DMG, ensuring there were no titans hiding among the buildings.
Wherever humans had been clustered, titans often remained, as if driven by some distant memory
that the spot had, once upon a time, been a source of food.

The remaining squads formed a perimeter around the silo. Given the proximity to town, Erwin
expected this silo to be empty, raided by fleeing citizens. He was pleasantly surprised to see that
the military locks had held fast. Once the area was secure, he waved Levi over. Levi expertly
opened the lock, then stood beside him as the teams began to recover the supplies.

“If I see anyone carrying live round boxes stacked on top of each other,” Levi said, “I am going to
kick them in the face.”

“Might want to wait until after they’ve set the rounds down,” Erwin said.

“Ah, so you did bring your sense of humour with you. I thought you’d left it at home.”

“I try to keep it buried, but it has a way of surfacing when you’re around.”

Levi shook his head. “You know people died back there, right?”

“I do.” The smirk faded from his lips. “I am grateful for their sacrifice.”

“There was an abnormal. Took out two people before my team dropped it.” Levi folded his arms
over his chest, watching the steady stream of goods leaving the silo. “Eld and Gunther took it down
together. They’re really getting their shit together.”

“I’m sure your competence inspires them.”

Levi glanced up at him. “Maybe.”

They continued to supervise the recovery. Every minute or two, Erwin would look up at Mike, who
was standing watch atop the tower. Mike shook his head each time, confirming that there were no
titans in the area.

“I hope they’re all this easy,” Levi said.

“That would certainly be nice.”

As the stream of soldiers ended, Hange and Nifa approached, paper in hand.

“Sir,” Nifa said. “There were six extra coin boxes and two additional gas canisters.”

“Thank you, Nifa. Good work.” He turned to Hange. “Make sure the goods are secured. Levi, tell
Berit to gather everyone keeping watch in the village. We’ll head out for the second silo in fifteen
minutes.”

As he returned to his horse, he tried not to be overly confident. They were ahead of schedule now,
but who knew what would happen by the time they reached the second silo?

At least they had found more coin than expected. Lining the pockets of both the King and Sahlo
would increase their trust in him. He hoped the other silos would be this bountiful.

The trip to the second silo was hampered by mud, but otherwise uneventful. This door was rusted
shut, and they ended up damaging two gas canisters when they knocked it down. Still, the rest of
the goods were in decent shape, and as they headed back to the base, Erwin was optimistic. This
was a strong start to the expedition.

Once they returned, Mike and Levi’s strike teams took a short break, then headed out to scout the
next day’s silos. They returned a few hours later with updated information. Erwin adjusted the
plans, then met with the officers, who relayed the information to their teams.

As it began to get dark outside, Levi entered Erwin’s office, letting out a loud yawn. “You wanted
to see me?”

“Close the door,” Erwin said, standing.

“It doesn’t lock.” The door shut. “Not that that ever stopped us before.”

Erwin circled the table and strode across the room.

Levi looked up as he approached, mouth flat. “Don’t try anything. I’m dirty as hell.”

“I just want to hug you.” Erwin pulled him in close, pressing a kiss into the top of the dark hair. It
was already greasy and strong with Levi’s natural scent. A low rumble sounded in his throat before
he could stop himself.

“Hey.” Levi pushed back, eyes narrowing up at him. “Don’t get carried away.”

“Not at all?” Erwin asked, surprised. “We’re going to be celibate for the entire expedition?”

“Do you know how disgusting and dirty our assholes are getting out here? We’re going to get dick
infections if we try anything.”

“Dick infections,” Erwin repeated, amused. “There are other options besides sex, you realize.”

“Didn’t you smell how disgusting I was when I showered after the scouting mission? I don’t care
what’s involved: I’m going to stink.” Levi shrugged. “We’ll just take care of things ourselves and
fuck like rabbits when we get back home.”

“I was hoping for something a bit more intimate.”

Levi flopped into a chair and leaned back, tipping it back on two legs. “What did you and Henrik
used to do?”

“What?” Erwin asked, surprised.

“On long expeditions. Could help us figure out how to handle this.”

It had been many years since he had even considered it, and it took him a few seconds to recall. Ah
yes, there it was: frantic groping in alcoves while Mike stood guard. “We decided to risk the dick
infections.”

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “Disgusting.”

“How about this?” Erwin paced around the chair to Levi’s back and pressed both hands onto his
shoulders, bending down to murmur into his ear. “You kneel on the floor and touch yourself. I’ll
sit behind you and bury my face in your hair. That way, I’ll be too busy enjoying the sun-baked,
wind-swept scent of your hair to smell anything you might be self-conscious about.” He breathed
in, relishing the scent.

The shoulders stiffened beneath his hands. “What about you?”

“I could rut against your ass.”

“Sounds like a good way to get rug burn.”

“I’ll be careful.” Remembering the unlocked door, Erwin pulled away. “We’ll need a private place
—know of one that would work?”

Levi stood. “There’s a room down the hall that has a working lock. Follow me.”

They slipped into the hallway, then sneaked down to a room at the end. Levi locked the door.
Erwin pressed him against it, then tried to find his mouth in the dark. His lips landed several
centimetres too high; before he could correct himself, Levi’s hand pressed to his chest to stop him.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth since we left.”

Erwin felt a wave of frustration. “Levi, I really don’t mind.”

“Well I do, so knock it off.”

Swallowing back his frustration, Erwin sat, pulling Levi down into his lap. He buried his face in
the slim neck, his hips rocking.

“Shit,” Levi breathed. His arms snaked around Erwin’s shoulders. “I didn’t realize how horny I
was.”

Erwin was too busy kissing the salty skin of his neck to reply. He felt a moan building in his throat,
but didn’t let it sound. As isolated as this dark room might seem, there was an entire regiment of
soldiers downstairs who could wander upstairs at any moment.

“Here,” Levi whispered, pushing away. There was a shuffling noise in the darkness, then he added,
“Sit behind me.”

Erwin slid into place behind him, his thighs on either side of the small body. He slipped a hand
beneath Levi’s jacket and grabbed his chest, feeling the muscle through the dress shirt. The harness
was in the way, and he was tempted to unbuckle it, but that was a slippery slope.

“Touch yourself,” he whispered.

He heard a zipper, then Levi’s body began to jerk with quick, rhythmic motion. The room was so
quiet that Erwin could hear soft puffs of breath, the sound of moving skin.

Erwin began to grind against Levi’s ass. He buried his face in the dark hair and gripped his chest.
A glow began to build in his abdomen.
It quickly became apparent that chafing was, indeed, going to be a problem. He kissed the back of
Levi’s head and then leaned back, pulling himself out of his pants. As he began to touch himself,
his breath escaped in a long shudder.

Levi grunted, squirming back against him. “I’m already close.”

“Good. Don’t hold back.”

“Fuck. Feels good when you grab my chest like that.”

Erwin groped his chest with one hand, the other moving faster. “Like that?’

“Yeah. Fuck.” Levi’s body was tightening. “Shit, just a sec. Where’s my handkerchief?” The
sounds and body movements suggested he was rummaging through his clothes. “Okay, found it.”

Erwin’s teeth clenched as he felt himself getting close. “Can I use it when you’re done?”

“I guess. You’re in charge of washing it, then. I’m not carrying around our dirty cum rag.”

“Keep saying romantic things like that, and I might go off right now.”

“Fucking hilarious.” Levi began to hunch forward, his chest rock-hard. “Oh, shit. I’m close. I’m
close—”

Erwin tried to reply, but he grunted instead. He buried his mouth in Levi’s hair, trying to muffle
himself.

“Shit. I’m going to—” Levi doubled over, his body tensing. A few seconds later, he relaxed. His
chest muscles twitched sporadically against Erwin’s palm. “Fuck.”

“I wish I could have seen your face,” Erwin whispered, closing his eyes. “Where’s the
handkerchief?”

“Here.”

A folded cloth slid against the hand gripping Levi’s chest. Erwin grabbed the cloth and pulled
away, biting his lip as he emptied into it.

“Shit,” he gasped when he finally remembered to breathe.

“Kind of anticlimactic, huh?” Levi leaned back against him.

Erwin took a long breath, then set the rag aside and awkwardly fastened his pants. “A bit
impersonal. At least it’s not as lonely as masturbating alone. When we get back to Trost, we can
make love for hours.”

“I’m going to eat you out until you forget your own name.”

“I look forward to it.” As pleasing as the mental image was, what he missed most was the strong
sense of connection between them. He knew the emotional distance was largely his fault. “Thank
you for this, Levi. I apologize if I’ve been a bit distant.”

“No, I get it. You have a lot to think about when you’re out here.” Levi snuggled back against him.

“You’re certainly agreeable right now.”

“Well, I just came.” Levi paused. “But I’m also tired as fuck, and we’ve been gone from the others
a long time.”

“Yeah, we should head to bed.” Erwin gave him one last tight hug, then stood.

Once they had tidied themselves up and retrieved the handkerchief, they parted ways. Erwin went
over one last set of plans, then went downstairs, sandwiching himself carefully between a snoring
Mike and a slumbering Levi. Within seconds of his eyes closing, he, too, drifted to sleep.

The days began to pass, blending into a rhythm: wake, relay the day’s mission over breakfast, head
out, silo one, silo two, discuss the aftermath and casualties. Then Mike and Levi’s strike teams
would head out to scout the next day’s silos, reporting back with details. Erwin would modify the
mission, meet with his officers, eat dinner, plan some more, and then sleep.

Every second night, he would pull Levi aside for more impersonal, take-the-edge-off time, but he
found himself missing him a little more each time, not less. He missed Levi’s kiss more than
anything, and began to dream of secreting him away for a few hours so they could make out like a
couple of teenagers. Still, they had other priorities.

The mission, at least, was proceeding well. Within ten days, they had successfully retrieved the
contents of every silo near the first checkpoint. One had apparently been raided during the
evacuation to Wall Rose, and another didn’t contain half the contents on the roster, but the others
had been bountiful. Now it was time to proceed to the second checkpoint further south, where the
two remaining silos held enormous caches. Their supplies would make up more than half of their
total haul; they were critical to the success of this mission, as well as to the plans to reclaim Wall
Maria down the road.

And so, he felt his optimism waning when Levi and Mike returned on the tenth evening with bad
news about the route to the second checkpoint.

“The area’s still waterlogged.” Levi handed him a piece of paper. “Eld and Nanaba recorded all the
sinkholes.”

“Still,” Erwin murmured, studying the paper. “That’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah. And the checkpoint is a crumbling piece of shit. The wall around it is intact, but that’s
about it. We’ll be sleeping in rubble.”

“I see.” Erwin frowned. “How dangerous is the gorge between here and the checkpoint?”

“It’s a death trap. We’re lucky we had this guy,” Levi said, nodding up at Mike. “He kept us
informed about the surrounding titans. The gorge is too deep to give visibility, and too steep to
travel easily between the ledge and the depths. Any teams riding above to scout will be stuck on
their own up there.”

The situation was exactly as Hange had suggested a couple weeks ago, when he had first been
drafting up the mission. Erwin’s brow furrowed. “I see. How long did it take you to pass through?”

“About thirty minutes,” Mike said.

Erwin doubled that in his mind to account for the carts: an hour. That was a long time to be in
territory that had no easy escape route. “What are your gut feelings on this one? Can we do it?”

Mike shrugged. “We’ve been through worse.”

“Yeah, getting to the checkpoint won’t be so bad,” Levi said. “Not sure about what’s after it,
though.”

Erwin drummed his fingers on the paper, weighing the pros and the cons. If their current loss rate
held steady—one percent of their forces per day—they’d lose an additional four percent of their
forces: one day to travel to the checkpoint and secure it, one day for each of the silos, then one day
to return back to the first checkpoint.

Then again, they had already lost ten percent, so an extra four was acceptable given the enormous
caches awaiting them. They were already well under his projected casualties for this point in the
mission. Besides, if they came back for the caches later, who knew how many lives they’d spend
getting to this point again? Doing it all in one expedition was the best way to minimize casualties
in the long run.

His eyes wandered across the scouting team members who were brushing down the horses, and he
wondered how many of their young lives he was about to forfeit.

“Thanks for the information,” he said aloud. “I’m going to take a couple hours to process this.
We’ll have an officer’s meeting first thing in the morning to discuss our next steps. You’re
dismissed.”

Mike nodded and turned away, but Levi glanced around, then stepped closer.

“Anything else to discuss with me tonight?”

Erwin gave him a kind smile. “Not tonight, I’m afraid. This is a lot of information to process, so I
need to stay focused.”

“Okay. Maybe tomorrow night, then?” Levi half-turned away, surveying the soldiers around them,
as if making sure no one would overhear. His voice was low: “There’s a patch of wild mint in the
garden behind the next checkpoint. If we chew it, it might be almost as good as toothpaste.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I need to fucking kiss you. I’m sick of just jerking off together like we’re two strangers at
a strip club.”

Erwin’s brows rose. “I’m not sure what kind of strip clubs they have in the Underground, but that’s
not what people usually—”

“Look, you know what I mean.” His shoulders rounded; he looked small. “I need more. I know
we’re supposed to stay focused, and death is all around us, so maybe I’m being selfish, but—”

“Levi.” Erwin squeezed his shoulder, letting his professional facade drop. “I know exactly what
you mean. I miss you.”

Levi looked up at him, face softening. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” His throat was tightening. He gave one more squeeze, then withdrew his hand. “We’ll
revisit this tomorrow night. Depending how this push goes, we might not be in the mood.”
“Or we might need a distraction even more than we do now.”

Erwin looked across the soldiers again, and his jaw tightened.

Foregoing his usual group meeting over dinner, Erwin stayed in his makeshift office until the oil
burned low, sliding wooden markers across the map. He was hopeful there was another way to the
checkpoint and silos that wouldn’t take him through the dangerous gorge, but the terrain made his
decisions for him: the only way around the gorge was a route that would take the formation a good
ten hours out of the way. Not only was that a gruelling distance for both the horses and their riders,
but the territory was un-scouted. Known danger was always safer than a complete unknown.

He awoke at dawn with his cheek pressed to the map, a crick in his neck, and no confidence in his
plan.

Before breakfast, he summoned the officers. They gathered around the table, faces worn and grim,
which wasn’t all that surprising. At this point in a lengthy expedition, it was common for fatigue
and despair to set in.

“Today,” he said, “we’re going to leave the recovered goods here and head south to the second
checkpoint with only our food, water and medical supplies. Two remaining silos there hold a
bounty of goods, almost the same amount as what we’ve already salvaged. We’ll hit those silos one
day at a time, which means five short days from now, we will be home. At that point, I will be
heading to the Capital with Levi to report on our success, and the rest of you will be entitled to
several days off to recuperate.”

A wave of relief washed over them; he could see their stances relaxing and frowns lessening, even
Levi’s. Having an end goal to push to was always better for morale than an indefinite task.

“Our biggest challenge today will be this gorge.” He traced his finger along the map. “It will take
us about an hour to pass through. Much of it is too steep for the horses to climb up or down, and
dangerous for 3DMG use, so we should treat this as a route with three separate tracks: the eastern
cliff, the western cliff, and the central track inside the gorge itself. The cliffs have too many narrow
segments for the carts, so we’ll have to take them down the centre. This leaves them blind to titan
ambushes from above, so we’ll need interference groups on the eastern and western tracks. I
recognize this is less than ideal, but there is no easy defensive solution. Here is my proposal.”

Four pairs of eyes locked onto him, waiting expectantly.

Erwin traced the paths with his finger. “Berit and Hange, you will ride with the carts down the
centre of the gorge. I want half your teams in the vanguard, half in the rearguard. Your task, above
all else, is to protect the carts and the supplies they carry.

“Mike, you’ll be riding along the eastern cliff, Levi, along the western. Your teams will be spotting
and eliminating any titan threats before they can ambush the carts. You may be required to switch
to 3DMG and aid Berit and Hange as needed. I don’t think I need to tell you how difficult the gear
is to use in rocky terrain, so be careful.

“As for me, I’ll be riding alongside Mike. His nose will warn us of impending danger, and I can
use that information to direct the group. Our options will be limited to speed, since we have no
choice of direction, and I may at any time signal for us to break into a full run. Our objective is to
get as many people and supplies to the checkpoint as we can, so our tactic will be to focus on
fleeing, rather than engaging, where possible.”

There was a long silence.

“I don’t like the idea of you being that exposed,” Levi said. “You should be with the carts.” His
brow was furrowed, a tiny twitch in his lips.

Erwin held his gaze. “I need to have the best vantage point possible, so I need to be on high
ground.”

“I’ll make sure he’s safe,” Mike said quietly.

The Squad Leaders stared at each other for a few seconds, then Levi nodded. “Okay.”

“Any other concerns?” Erwin asked. When he was met with a long silence, he stood tall, clasping
his hands behind his back. “Please relay these details to your teams during breakfast. We’ll be
using the morning to safely stow the goods we rescued from the silos, and then we’ll be departing
at noon. Dismissed.”

As three Squad Leaders filed from the room, Levi stayed behind. Hange, the last one out, glanced
back at them and then softly closed the door.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” Erwin said. “I don’t like leaving your squad so exposed, but I need your skills.
You’ll be protecting all of us.”

Levi surprised him; he closed the distance between them and pressed his cheek against Erwin’s
chest. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”

“I fell asleep here.” Erwin hugged him tightly, wishing they had time to hold each other for a few
minutes, but they had other tasks. He released him. “We’ll talk tonight. You need to relay the plans
to your team, and I need to think of contingency plans for this leg of the journey.”

“Yeah, okay.” Levi stepped back, his face solemn. “Make sure you eat something. If you pass out
from hunger, we’re all fucked.”

“I’ll eat. I promise.” Maybe he’d even chew a few coffee beans to help him stay alert—he had
smuggled a small pouch of them in his saddlebag.

“Good. Don’t forget, we have plans tonight.” Levi caught his bolo tie and pulled him down,
pressing a kiss to his cheekbone. It was such an unexpectedly gentle move that Erwin’s throat
tightened.

Then, without looking back, Levi left the room.

Erwin’s hands curled into fists as he returned to the map. There would be time to acknowledge the
butterflies in his stomach later. For now, he had work to do.

They set out shortly before noon, travelling in formation for as long as the landscape would allow.
It felt good to be riding alongside Mike like the olden days, when he had been a Team Leader on
Erwin’s squad. No words passed between the old friends, but Erwin felt a bond nonetheless. They
read each other well on the battlefield, instinctively following each other’s cues.

The cliffs of the gorge rose ahead of them, and Erwin stared. “Gorge” was an understatement—
canyon would have been more appropriate. Even when Wall Maria had stood, this area had been
largely uninhabited due to the harsh terrain, so this was his first time seeing it face-to-face. For a
moment, he felt intimidated. This isn’t a place for humans.

Remembering himself, he looked across the faces of his troops and saw trepidation on their faces.
He sat tall.

“Shelter and rest awaits us on the other side! Deploy the special formation.” He thrust his right arm
out, showing as much confidence as he could muster.

A note of understanding rang out from the troops as they split into three. To the west, Erwin could
see Levi leading his team to the cliff, knuckles white on the reins. Levi looked up at him, and they
exchanged a nod. Stay safe.

The eastern ledge overlooking the gorge was narrower than Erwin had anticipated; in places, it was
only safe to ride through two at a time. He cocked his head at Mike, who nodded and fell into place
beside him, the two of them taking the lead. Below them, Erwin could see the defensive teams and
the carts, and in his periphery, he saw Levi’s squad. The terrain on the western side gave Levi’s
team a wider gap, and he was grateful. The more manoeuvring room the team had, the less
precarious their positions if anything went wrong.

“Halfway,” Mike said after a while, pointing at an old gnarled tree growing out the cliff face. He
must have mentally used that as a route marker when he was scouting.

Erwin glanced across the group, feeling uneasy. Perhaps it made sense that there were no titans in
this area, given that there had never been any settlements—there were no remnants of humans to
attract hungry titans. Not that anyone was certain what attracted them in the first place. Fresh
corpses didn’t draw their attention, and neither did animals of any kind. It’s almost as if they can
smell our souls.

“ Erwin,” Mike said, his voice urgent.

Erwin’s eyes locked onto him. “Which direction?”

“West. Lots, coming our way.”

His breath caught. He looked across the gap at Levi, then cursed. There were trees lining the
western side of the cliff; he didn’t have a clear line of sight. The cliffs were too far apart and too
steep to send a messenger over by 3DMG.

Setting his jaw, he clicked a green flare into his gun and aimed it forward, along the route of the
gorge. If he sees me signal, he’ll know something’s amiss.

The coloured smoke hissed through the air. Berit fired an answering round from below.

Moments later, a green round went out from Levi’s position behind the wall of trees.

Breathing hard, Erwin increased their pace. “You think we can get soldiers over there if he needs
help?”

Mike’s jaw slid out at an angle, as if he were considering it. “It’s a dangerous shot down to the
carts, and another from the carts to the cliff line, and then we’d be sitting ducks over there without
horses. We might lose more people than we save.”

Erwin held his gaze for a moment, then turned back toward Levi. The wall of trees had ended, so
they had a clear line of sight again. The Squad Leader held out both his arms in an exaggerated
shrug as if to say, what’s going on?

Erwin clicked a blade into place and motioned past Levi, to the west. Levi nodded and turned to
face his squad, presumably to relay the message.

“He’s capable,” Mike said.

“He is,” Erwin agreed, but his heart was thudding in his chest.

Levi clicked a black round into his flare gun, just in case they encountered an abnormal. His squad
could hold the line against a sizable group of normal, predictable titans, but one or two abnormals
could change everything. He didn’t see an easy way for anyone to come to their aid, but at least
they could warn the others if their line fell. They had to protect the carts and the bulk of the Survey
Corps at all costs.

The hills along their western flank flattened into open land, and that’s when Levi first saw the
approaching titans. There were nine of them, all between three- and seven-metre class, charging
toward them. They were too widely spaced for Levi to ricochet between them. His throat tightened.
That’s a fucking army.

“ Shit,” Gunther whimpered.

What the fuck do we do? Levi glanced across the gorge at Erwin, whose face, even from this
distance, was visibly pale. He saw a glint of metal as Erwin waved forward: run.

“ We’re going to try to outrun them.” Levi turned to address the group. “Go, as fast as you can.
Strike team, with me; we’ll form the rear flank. We’ll engage, if we have to. All other teams: keep
pace with the group, and stand your ground if they get past us. If you see a white flare, that means
your primary directive is to abandon your horses, drop down to the carts and get the fuck out.” If it
came down to it, the strike team could buy them time. Their priority right now was to save as many
lives as possible, even if that meant sacrificing a small subset of his squad so the majority could
flee.

“Shit!” Gunther whimpered again, and Levi silently echoed the sentiment.

He thrust out his arm. “Go!”

The rest of the teams burst past him, opening into a gallop. Levi and his strike team fell to the rear.
In his periphery, he saw Erwin and the carts speed up.

“Sir,” Eld called, his voice wobbling. “They’re too spaced out. If we engage one, the others will
surround us.”

“We don’t need to kill them, just neutralize them: go for eyes, knees, ankles, anything that will
slow them down. Pick them off one at a time. Work in pairs. Eld and Gunther, Nadya and Anton.
I’ll take out as many as I can alone.” His throat ached. We needed Sonja here— No, that thought
could wait for another time.
The titans were closing in. Levi’s breaths came in short blasts, his conscious thought fading to the
background, instinct taking over …

He veered toward the titans, swords drawn.

The first pair of soldiers rode to the closest titan, the second pair to the second closest. Levi went
for the third. His anchor slammed into its forehead and he leapt off the horse, using a burst of gas
to propel himself around to the titan’s back. The anchor released, and he pulled into a spin as he
dropped, carving out its weak spot. It was a sloppy cut, and the angle dulled his blades.

The next titan was too far away to hit with his grapple, and there weren’t any objects in the
environment he could use for height advantage. Well, his blades were dull, anyway. He mounted
and ran toward it, then, when he was close enough, flung the dull blades at it. They stabbed deep
into its eyes; it howled and dropped to a seat on the ground, clawing at its face.

Eld and Gunther began to ride toward it as if to finish it off, but Levi yelled, “It’s out of the fight!
Get the next one.” They nodded and rode for the fifth. Nadya and Anton burst past them, riding for
the sixth.

Levi charged toward the seventh, but then his stomach dropped.

More titans were approaching from the rear—six of them, between three- and ten-metre class. At
least one of them was moving at a higher speed than usual, barrelling toward them.

A fucking abnormal.

He fired the black round into the air.

Erwin’s answer came a moment later: a green round, aimed forward. He wants us to run.

Levi gritted his teeth. He fired a white round, signalling for the rest of the teams to drop down to
the carts. Save yourselves.

“ Hold the line,” he yelled to his strike team. “Give them time to get away.”

The seventh and eighth titans dropped, and Levi felled the ninth, finishing off this swarm. The
abnormal was still closing the ground between them, but the second swarm was far enough back to
outrun. He wiped a smear of steaming blood from his forehead, filled with revulsion. I might be
able to take them all, if they stay clustered …

But those weren’t his orders.

The carts and the group were far ahead of them now. Most of his squad had, as ordered, used their
gear to drop down to the carts. This was a good time to run.

“Strike team, take the horses,” he yelled, pointing his blade south. His strike team began to whistle,
and the horses fell into a herd behind them. Levi brought up the rear, constantly looking over his
shoulder.

The gap between them and the swarm of titans began to widen, but that one abnormal was still
gaining on them.

I guess it’s up to me.

Levi clicked fresh blades into place and fell back from the group.
“Squad Leader!” Nadya’s voice was almost lost among the stampeding hoof beats. He glanced her
way and saw the four soldiers staring at him with wide eyes.

“Keep running,” he called. “If this one gets past me, take it out. Protect the group at all costs.” If
this abnormal decided to jump down to the centre of the gorge, it would cause horrendous
destruction before anyone had time to drop it.

He could feel the reverberations of its footsteps, closer, closer—

The abnormal lunged at him.

He leapt from the saddle, expended a large burst of gas and pulled into a spin, razing up the beast’s
arm. An enormous hand slammed at him; Levi dodged just in time, leaping high into the air. His
grapple sank into the nape of the titan’s neck.

You aren’t so tough.

His blades sliced the flesh, and the titan sank to the ground.

He lifted his head and, through the steam, saw the advancing horde. Now that his battle instincts
were fully awakened, there was the red fog of the bloodthirst, the one that told him he could take
on this entire swarm. He knew he could do it: he was too fast for them, too smart. He could
ricochet from one to the other until they were nothing more than a pile of steaming, bloody
remains. The idea made his muscles burn, his heart sing.

Those aren’t my orders! It physically hurt to turn away. Breathing hard, he mounted his horse.

We don’t have to run. I can take them out, the red fog said.

He stared straight ahead, at the team he had been tasked with keeping alive. His eyes drifted across
the carts, where the rest of his squad was safely huddled, and finally, across to Erwin, far in the
vanguard, his golden hair glowing in the sunlight.

If I throw my life into danger, he might risk these lives to try to save me, Levi thought. Or, worse
yet, he’ll do nothing, and then spend the rest of his life blaming himself.

He couldn’t do that to the man he loved.

He leaned forward, resolute, as the red fog dissipated. If Erwin wanted them to run, then they’d
run.

As they pulled away from the titans, the gorge began to flatten. On the horizon, Levi could see the
walls of the checkpoint.

Erwin only slowed them when they were about to close in on the walls. Levi stared back at the way
they’d come.

The land was quiet. We lost them.

They began to file through the gates: first the carts, then the horses. The soldiers who had fled
began to mill between the horses, reuniting with their mounts.

“You showed good judgement back there, Levi,” Erwin’s voice said behind him. “Having the
majority of the team drop down to the carts may very well have saved their lives, and your strike
team kept the titans occupied so that they didn’t consider venturing down the cliffs toward the
carts. Good work.”

Levi turned. Erwin was flanked by Mike, both of them grim-faced. “Are they still following us?”

“Not that Mike can tell.” Erwin glanced at the Squad Leader as he mentioned him. “But I’m going
to have him loop back before he begins this afternoon’s scouting mission, just to double-check that
they’re no longer a threat. You’re going to stay here. Your team has already seen enough action for
one day, and we’ll be tackling one silo a day out here, so we don’t need both of you to scout.”

“Okay.” Normally, he would have protested, but his muscles were starting to realize just how
much energy he had expended. Going into his battle trance was always so draining. “I can organize
a cleaning crew instead.”

Erwin looked as if he were about to stop him, but then caught himself. “Might as well.” He gripped
Levi’s shoulder, and that grip was so tight that it conveyed everything his face didn’t: fear, relief,
concern.

Levi held his gaze. “We’ll talk more tonight, after dinner?”

Erwin nodded, then turned and walked away.

Mike returned late in the afternoon with unpleasant news: the land between their new base and the
first silo was laden with sinkholes. “Road washed out in a couple places, too.” He handed Erwin a
map.

The furniture was so battered that they’d had to make a makeshift table out of a door and two
benches. Erwin gingerly unrolled the map, hoping the table would hold. Mike’s team had clearly
marked all the sinkholes they had come across. Erwin’s brow furrowed; there was very little room
to manoeuvre if they needed to avoid titans. This was going to take a lot of careful planning.

Not trusting his own judgement alone, he pulled aside Hange, who seemed to be relieved to
abandon Levi’s cleaning tasks. By dinnertime, the two of them had locked down a route.

He spent dinner relaying the plan to the officers, then finished off a bit more paperwork. By the
time Levi arrived in his office—or rather, the crumbling remains of a room where they had set up
the door-table—night had already fallen.

Levi began to set his lamp on the rickety table, then appeared to think better of it, holding it
instead. “This whole place is a shitpile. You have time to take a break?”

Erwin stood tall and stretched his neck, which ached from hours of hunching over the table. “I’m
not sure where we’ll find any privacy.” Large chunks of the checkpoint were missing, as if titans
had smashed through it. The only remaining door was now functioning as his table.

“I saw a place. This way.” Levi cocked his head toward the doorway.

They stepped into the hallway, where they were greeted by Hange. The Squad Leader’s face was
surprisingly gentle.
“Our guard,” Levi said.

“Hange?” Erwin felt a blush creep up his face, and he hoped the yellow lamplight would hide it.
“You don’t have to—”

“It’s fine.” Hange smiled. “I told Levi I’d help protect some private time for the two of you.”

“And you promised you weren’t going to listen or sneak a peek,” Levi said sternly.

Hange’s nose wrinkled. “Are you kidding? I’ve already seen more than I ever wanted.”

Erwin’s cheeks burned. “This is highly unusual.”

“Oh, relax. It’s just sex.” Hange paused. “Sir.”

His skin crawled, but he looked down at Levi, and decided the awkwardness would be worth it.

They walked down a long hallway, its corners lined with cobwebs. At the very end was a large
room, scant remains of a stone wall jutting from its centre.

“I figure we can sit behind there,” Levi said, motioning at the stone remains.

“It’s not too dirty in here for you?”

“We’re already fucking filthy, and I’ve got other priorities right now.”

“Well,” Hange said, “I’ll go wait at the end of the hall and make sure no one sneaks up this way.
Just don’t be too loud—the sound will probably carry.”

Erwin shifted on his feet, uncomfortable. “This is well beyond your duties as a Squad Leader.”

“Consider it a favour. As a friend. Besides, Levi’s much more bearable when he’s getting laid.”
Hange quickly turned and marched down the hallway.

Still feeling awkward, Erwin turned to face Levi, who was setting the lamp behind the stone
rubble.

“Even if someone gets past shitgoggles somehow, this wall should shield us. Maybe we should
turn off the lamp just in case?”

“No, I want to see your face.” Erwin circled the rubble and sat, his knees creaking. He leaned back
against the wall. A moment later, Levi sat beside him. He held out his hand, revealing several
small green leaves.

“Take them.”

Erwin grabbed them and began to chew. The mint taste was strong, cutting through the thick layer
of grime inside his mouth. He used his tongue to scrub his teeth with the leaves, trying to clean it
as much as possible. Beside him, he could see Levi doing the same with his own mouthful.

After a few minutes, he was convinced that his mouth was in kissable condition. He swallowed it,
hoping the mint would settle his stomach as well. The constant stress had tied it in knots.

Levi swallowed, too.

For a moment, they sat side by side, the room silent except for their breaths. Erwin reached over to
cover Levi’s hand, which lay beside him on the ground. Their fingers intertwined.

“I miss you,” he said quietly.

Levi turned to him, his irises glittering in the lamplight. The strong lights and shadows showcased
the curve of his cheeks, the sharpness of his jaw. Erwin’s breath caught. Even this deep into an
expedition, he’s still so beautiful.

“ So?” Levi said, and Erwin could tell he was shy.

Summoning all his bravery, Erwin leaned down to kiss the narrow lips.

It was a foreign sensation at first, their lips chapped and rough, but then Levi’s lips parted for him,
and there was that familiar damp warmth, those slightly crooked teeth. Levi’s breath was still
strong even with the mint, but not unpleasant; the taste made Erwin’s groin stir. He heard a small
moan slide through his nose before he could catch it.

He pulled away, gasping for air, but Levi lunged forward and closed the gap again. These kisses
were shallower, softer. A tongue soothed his dry lips, then finally probed deeper. It felt so good to
kiss like this, knowing they weren’t going to be able to have sex—the denial made it even more
arousing. Erwin felt as if he were a lovestruck boy, existing in a time when kissing was the ultimate
form of expressing love, of experimentation.

Levi pulled back and rested his forehead against Erwin’s. “What are you doing to me?”

“Hm?” Erwin rolled his head forward to kiss the tip of the pointy nose.

“I’m sitting in filth, our faces are chapped to shit, and we’re just kissing, but it feels … ” Levi
breathed in, his eyes fluttering closed.

“It feels good?” Erwin nipped at the tip of his nose this time.

“So fucking good.” Their lips met again once, twice. “I could kiss you all night.”

Erwin ran the pads of his fingers along the narrow jaw. “Then don’t stop.” He lifted Levi onto his
lap and bent forward to kiss him again.

Gradually, as their kisses progressed, the innocence began to fall away. Levi shifted in his lap, and
Erwin’s hips rocked, just once, and soon they fell into a rhythm. Friction built between them,
almost painful, as their hands became claws. Their kisses deepened, tongues rubbing together, teeth
digging in.

Levi tore his mouth away to whisper frantically, “I need to come.”

“Touch yourself.” Erwin kissed his jaw, his neck.

“That’s not enough.” Levi’s hand twisted into the bolo tie and pushed Erwin away. For a moment,
the frenzy paused. Their gaze held, their chests heaving with breaths.

“Levi?” Erwin asked gently.

“It’s not enough. I need more.” The narrow brows pinched. “But the smell … ”

“Here.” Erwin pulled off his jacket and laid it across their laps.

“What are you—?”

“We can be closer without exposing ourselves to any unpleasant scents.” Erwin fumbled beneath
his jacket to undo Levi’s belts and fly, pulling him out of his pants. With his other hand, he did the
same to himself.

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, shifting his position until they touched, the jacket still covering them
both. His skin was burning hot, and so soft; Erwin threw his head back, choking back a groan. His
hand wrapped around both of them and began to stroke.

Levi cursed again, closing his fingers over Erwin’s, the two hands moving in unison beneath the
jacket. Their eyes locked, and for the first time since they had set out on the expedition, Erwin felt
that strong connection he had been craving. He bent forward to kiss Levi, his hand speeding up.
Normally, the awkward contact wouldn’t be enough to bring him to orgasm—not easily, anyway—
but that shared connection was pushing him forward.

Levi threw his head back; his eyelids began to flutter, his lips flared. “Your jacket … We’re going
to fuck it up. I’m already wet.”

Liquid trailed down Erwin’s knuckles, and he felt himself begin to fall. “Levi,” he whispered.
“Levi, I can’t—”

“Shit, I’m going to come.” Levi tossed the jacket aside, using his hand to tilt their aim.

As the first pulse rippled through Erwin, he fought to keep his eyes open a crack. They came
together against the stone wall, and the sight was so arousing that he couldn’t hold back a moan.
He could feel Levi pulse against him in their joined hands, and could hear Levi’s breath escape in a
silent scream.

Then everything was still.

Slowly, he regained control over his body and his breaths. His eyes closed, his head slumping
forward. A moment later, he felt Levi’s forehead rest against his.

“What a mess,” Levi muttered. “We got some on your pants.”

“It’s okay.”

“And the wall looks like—”

Erwin didn’t want to hear whatever crass comparison was certain to come. He grabbed Levi’s
cravat and pulled him in, delivering a chain of gentle kisses to his lips.

“Mm.” Levi pulled back. “Trying to shut me up?”

“Maybe at first. Now I can’t stop.” He tilted his head for a few more pecks, then leaned into a firm
final kiss. “Levi, I want nothing more than to curl up with you and kiss you all night.”

“But?”

“But we should clean up and get some rest. Tomorrow’s mission is sure to be difficult.”

“I guess.” Levi ran a finger down Erwin’s nose, his expression sad. Erwin felt melancholy swell in
the pit of his stomach. If only we lived in a world where we didn’t have to prioritize humanity’s
happiness over our own.

“ Come on,” he said, standing.

By the time they were dressed, Erwin could feel his professional demeanour falling back into
place. He stood in front of Levi, not sure what to say.

“Stay safe tomorrow,” he said finally.

“Yeah, you too.” Levi’s face was impassive, the earlier sadness buried. It was difficult to stay
vulnerable out here.

With one final kiss, they stepped out of the room.

Hange was waiting at the end of the hall. A brow rose as they approached. “Well, aren’t you two
rosy-cheeked. Get what you needed?”

Levi delivered a friendly punch to Hange’s bicep as he walked past. “Mind your own business,
four-eyes.”

“Thank you for your assistance, Hange,” Erwin said, awkward. The idea of using someone to keep
watch was a lot more ludicrous now that he wasn’t pent up.

“Don’t worry about it. Now you’ll focus better tomorrow, so we’ll all benefit.” Hange smiled.
“And I may have a couple favours to call in later.”

“Then let’s hope the next couple days are a success so we can fund them,” Erwin said. “Let’s get
some sleep.”

They set out for the first of the new silos early in the morning.

Not trusting himself to remember every sinkhole, Erwin commandeered one of Berit’s defenders, a
man named Gerard, to ride beside him with the map. Gerard was an excellent navigator, giving
him plenty of advance notice whenever they were getting near any sinkholes Mike’s team had
noted. Erwin redirected the formation, wending around potentially unstable ground. They arrived at
the silo intact.

As the formation pulled in, Erwin directed the teams to form a perimeter around the silo. He stood
at the southernmost point of the perimeter, observing. The air was unnaturally still, and the hair on
the back of his neck stood on end. He watched Levi pick the lock, then begin to direct teams to
unload the supplies. He’s really showing his leadership capabilities this expedition, he thought,
feeling a swell of pride. Soldiers began to stream out carrying boxes upon boxes of supplies.

“Erwin,” Mike barked a few minutes later, halting his horse in front of him.

His stomach dropped. “Where?”

“West, a ways out. Can’t tell how many there are.”

“Are they closing in?”

“Slowly.” Mike stared at the silo, frowning. “We should still have time to get all the supplies out.”

Erwin waved over Gerard and examined the map. Even if they had time to load the carts, they’d
have to push immediately east to try to avoid the titans. That took them into territory that hadn’t
been scouted yet. He set his jaw. Staying the course could mean losing soldiers to titans; changing
course could mean getting bogged down in a sinkhole.

“There are a lot of them.” Mike sniffed the air. “More coming from the northeast.”

“Shit.” Erwin turned to face the group and barked, “Hange, Berit, Levi.”

They all looked at him for a moment, eyes wide, and then began to jog over. He used the few
seconds he was waiting to race through scenarios in his mind, calculating likely outcomes.

“Titans?” Levi asked, standing in front of him.

“Northeast and west, closing in. Lots of them.”

“How do they know we’re here?” Hange asked.

“That’s not important right now. Here’s what we’re going to do.” Erwin dismounted and held out
the map. The others huddled around him. “The instant the supplies are secured, we’re going to start
running at high speed along the route we used to come here. If the titans begin to intercept, we’ll
have to engage. We can’t circumnavigate them here, not with so many unknown sinkholes waiting
for us.”

Four pairs of eyes locked onto him, showing a mixture of fear and determination.

He held each of their gazes in turn, Levi’s the longest. “I don’t need to tell you how dangerous this
might be. If it all goes to hell, our top priority is to get those goods back to our camp. The value of
these supplies cannot be underestimated; this will be the key to getting us to Wall Maria for our
reclamation effort. You are, of course, to try to minimize casualties as much as possible.
Understood?”

“Sir,” the others said.

“Good. Let’s get the carts loaded as quickly and safely as possible. Brief your team leaders on the
new plan while we’re waiting. I’ll fire a red flare if our departure becomes even more urgent.” He
stood and saluted them. “Good luck, officers.”

They hurried away, except for Mike, who sniffed the air a few times.

“If you have any further information, Mike, please let me know,” Erwin said, preparing to dismiss
him.

Mike turned to him, fear showing on his normally stoic face, and Erwin’s stomach had already
dropped before the words were uttered: “Even more coming.”

“Where?”

“Wandering in from the south. They don’t seem to have noticed us yet, but they might get wind of
us soon. And the western group is going to be within sight at any second.”

Shit. Erwin glanced at the horizon, then back at the silo. The cart teams were strapping in the last
supplies. The other Squad Leaders were still speaking with their Team Leaders. We’re running out
of time. If we get surrounded, we’re finished.

“ All teams,” he roared, “prepare to return to base!”

By the time everyone had mounted, the titans were already visible on the horizon.

Erwin gritted his teeth and fired a green flare north, toward the checkpoint. As they began to pull
away from the silo, the teams settled into close-range formation. Berit rode next to him, barking
orders at her team.

Erwin glanced over at Mike, who pointed northeast. They’re getting close, too.

“ Gerard,” he called to their navigator, “keep an eye on the map. We have to avoid sinkholes at all
costs.”

“Sir,” Gerard replied.

Erwin glanced back toward the approaching titans. The smaller carts, even fully-laden, would be
able to keep out of range of the titans under normal conditions, but the slippery terrain was sure to
become a problem. His head whirled. Should we abandon the supplies? It would be a big blow to
his plans to reclaim Wall Maria, but those supplies wouldn’t help one bit if there was no regiment
to use them.

Just as Mike had foreseen, a cluster of titans appeared to the northeast. Red flares began to go up
from the eastern vanguard and the rearguard, indicating that the titans were closing in.

“They’re going to pincer us,” Berit said, panic in her voice.

“Gerard,” Erwin called, “if we deviate west—”

“No good, sir. Sinkholes everywhere.”

He cursed under his breath. There was no avoiding it; even if they abandoned the carts now, they
were still going to have to fight. “Nearest tall trees?”

“Northeast.”

Right by the group closing in. Erwin glanced back across the formation, knuckles white on the
reins.

A black flare went up from the centre of the formation.

What? Erwin stared at it as the smoke began to drift. How was that possible? Was it an abnormal,
or a different type of emergency?

“Berit,” he barked. “Send a team.”

“Sir!”

He clicked a green round into place and fired to the northeast.

“Commander,” Gerard said, “we can’t go northeast! The titans—”

“We can’t win this battle on flat ground.” He clenched his jaw, not allowing himself to second-
guess his decision. Fight here on flat ground, get to advantageous ground by the northeast titans, or
deviate west and sink everyone into sinkholes: those were his options.

Berit’s runner came galloping up beside him. “Commander! Black flare went up because four carts
are stuck in a sinkhole. The rearguard is defending while they try to free them.”
“Shit,” Berit yelled.

“Impossible.” Gerard frantically scoured the map. “We just travelled over the same patch of land
ourselves, and it wasn’t marked—”

“The carts are heavy with supplies.” Erwin eyes ticked back across the formation. “They must have
been just heavy enough to disrupt the stability.” Red flares were going up from the rear and the
western flanks now. The trees were still too far away to reach, and he couldn’t just abandon the
back half of the formation. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath.

“Erwin?” Berit asked, voice wavering.

His eyes opened and he fired a green round back toward the carts. “All teams, form a perimeter
around the stuck carts. We must defend them until they can move again.”

“Sir!” Green flares burst into the air around him, and runners streamed back through the ranks to
relay the message to the rearguard.

Erwin circled his horse, then galloped toward the centre of the formation. Red flares were going up
from the east, closer and closer, and the ground was beginning to shake with approaching footsteps.

“Behind you!” Berit hollered.

Erwin turned to see a titan lunging at him.

He yelled and cracked the reins; the horse burst forward. The titan lunged past him and swallowed
the soldier behind him. Two of Berit’s squadmates anchored onto its shoulders, taking it down. But
now other titans were surrounding them. Too many.

“All soldiers, engage,” Erwin roared, clicking his blades into place. More red flares were going up
in the rear. His heart pounded in his throat.

A soldier took out a titan’s knees, and it fell to the ground. Erwin sank his grapple into its nape and
sliced deep into the flesh. Another lunged down at him; he anchored to its hip and swung high into
the air, then barreled toward its weak spot. Blood spattered his face, and he wiped it away.

“Your left,” Berit yelled behind him.

Not wasting time looking, Erwin blasted the gas to propel himself forward. Teeth snapped behind
him, so close that the breeze blew him sideways, knocking him off kilter. The titan’s shoulder
bashed into him.

He plummeted toward the ground.

Instinctively, he pulled into a ball. He landed hard on his shoulder and rolled. Pain shot through his
torso. Stunned, he lay on his back, wheezing for air.

Get up. He struggled to his feet, blinking the spots from his vision so he could reorient himself.

Titans had surrounded them, grabbing soldiers, biting their bodies in half. Severed limbs and
bodies littered the ground, red mist, screams … Steam fogged the air. Erwin’s head spun. This
isn’t real. This is a nightmare.

Berit stood in front of him, stance wide, swords brandished. A 6-metre titan faced her, its head
tilted. Studying them.
An abnormal. Erwin reached for his flare gun, but the blow had knocked it off his belt. He spotted
it several metres to his right. The bag of smoke flares lay beside it, rounds littering the ground. He
took a step toward it, then yelped and sank to one knee as pain squeezed his torso. The landing
must have damaged his ribs.

“Commander, stay back!” Berit barked the names of two nearby soldiers, and the three of them
began a coordinated takedown on the abnormal titan. Berit threw her blades at its eyes, and the
other two moved in to disable its legs.

The ground shook. Another titan was approaching from Erwin’s left. He gritted his teeth and stood
tall, forcing himself to push through the pain in his ribs. He aimed his grapple at the titan’s head.

The gear wouldn’t fire.

He looked down and cursed. The impact of his fall had crushed the grapple and gas mechanism on
one side.

“Erwin,” Berit yelped. “Help!”

He looked up to see the woman skip along the ground like a stone across water; she gave a burst of
gas to regain control and landed on her feet, skidding to a stop beside him. The abnormal was
squeezing the life out of one of her soldiers, and the third soldier was nowhere to be seen. Blades
jutted out of the abnormal’s bloody eye sockets, but it was still advancing on them, leering.

“My gear’s broken,” Erwin wheezed. “Take out its legs. I’ll get help.” He barrelled toward the
flare gun, clutching his ribs. The pain was so intense that darkness blossomed through his vision.
Keep going. Keep going. We need backup.

He heard a scream. Berit flopped along the ground beside him, landing in a heap. He couldn’t tell
if she was unconscious or dead. Keep going. Keep going. He was so close to the flare gun, so close
…

Enormous fingers wrapped around him and lifted him into the air.

Time slowed.

The fingers began to tighten around him. Erwin roared. With a surge of adrenaline, he sliced off the
beast’s index finger, pulling one arm and a blade free from its grip.

Three more. He tried to hack the next finger. The titan’s remaining fingers squeezed his torso in
response. Cracks reverberated through his chest, pain spiking through him. Shit!

Then he was held up to the titan’s face, with its perverse leer and steaming eye sockets. It tilted its
head, as if trying to study him even though it was still blinded.

Erwin’s brows dropped.

No.

He thought of his father, of the enthusiastic light in the blue eyes, the passion that would creep into
his soft voice.

He thought of the humans trapped inside the walls, of the freedom out here and beyond, the land
that was rightfully theirs, the land that had been stolen from them.
He thought of Mike, of Nile, of Marie and Jasper. Hange, Berit, and Levi.

Levi.

No! Not yet.

He howled and twisted his upper body, ignoring the agony, zeroing in on the discarded flares on
the ground.

Not yet!

The black flare cartridge lay on the ground, the same distance away from him as the bull’s-eye in
the training grounds back in Trost. He had one free blade. One shot.

Just like you practiced. Don’t overthink it. Distract yourself. Pain seared through his chest and
shoulder as he raised his blade in the air.

He focused on Levi: the way their fingers interlaced, large and small, fitting together so perfectly
that they might have been created for each other. He thought of the tenderness that showed in the
silver-blue eyes, reserved only for Erwin. The smooth voice, somehow liquid and warm even when
it was at its harshest, stringing together crass phrases with word mastery that would make a poet
jealous.

His heart glowed. He threw the blade.

It twisted through the air once, twice, and sliced the round in half. Black smoke burst from it in a
cloud that began to dissipate as it rose into the air.

Please see it …

Stars began to dot Erwin’s vision.

Levi.

Another titan fell beneath Levi’s blade—his eighth? Tenth? He had lost track. Around him,
Gunther, Eld, and Anton were carving through their foes, but he couldn’t see Nadya.

He landed on his feet, looking around. All the titans were engaged with pairs or trios of Mike’s
soldiers. Mike nodded at him

“We’ve got this. Go.”

“Move out,” Levi called to his team. He mounted and led the three soldiers deeper into the
battlefield. Now that he had time to survey the damage, his stomach churned. The titans had torn
through the eastern flank. Remains were scattered everywhere, titan steam casting a low fog over
the land.

Once they emerged from the steam cloud, his eyes ticked across the battlefield, looking to see
where they’d be most useful. He frowned. Where wouldn’t we be useful? Three carts were still
mired, and the soldiers who had been struggling to free them were engaging with titans instead.
Titan steam was going up from the south and the north, wafting on the wind. His blood ran cold as
he stared at the north. There were no signal flares going up, and in a bloodbath like this, that
usually meant there was no one left to pull the trigger.

Erwin and Berit are over there.

“ Orders, sir?” Eld called.

His eyes narrowed. “North.”

As they began to gallop toward the frontlines, Levi’s eyes scoured the horizon for signs of life, for
golden hair. The carnage was even worse here than it had been by the carts, and he cursed.

A puff of black smoke went off in the distance—not in a tall column, but in a burst, so low that he
almost missed it. What the hell?

“ Follow me,” he yelled to his team.

They galloped toward the front at top speed, and that’s when Levi saw a titan lifting Erwin toward
its mouth, Berit unconscious at its feet.

His stomach dropped. “Get Berit,” he called to the others, and he barrelled toward Erwin. Go
faster, you fucking horse, go faster!

The titan’s hand was almost at its mouth now, its jaw was widening …

The instant Levi was within range, he stood in the saddle. His grapple sank into the titan’s temple.
It turned to look at him with steaming eye sockets.

Fuck you! Levi launched into the air and pulled into a spin, driving at its weak spot. The titan tried
to bat him away with its free hand, but without its vision, it was swinging blindly.

Levi’s blades sank into its flesh.

The titan dropped to its knees, its arm lolling to the side. Erwin rolled out of its fist, flopping to the
ground. He tried to push himself up on one arm, then sank flat.

“Erwin.” Levi landed beside him, eyes scanning their surroundings.

“My ribs,” Erwin gasped. His breath was coming in wheezes, his skin pale.

“Where’s your horse?” Levi couldn’t see it. We’ll have to share mine.

“ Squad Leader,” Gunther yelled, pointing. Four more titans were running toward them.

“Get Berit out of here.” Levi gripped Erwin’s shoulder. “Get up.”

Erwin struggled to one knee. He yelled and hunched over.

“You fucking asshole, get up. ” Levi grabbed his arm and jerked him to both feet.

“Fuck!” Erwin fell against him, and Levi grunted, bracing himself against his weight.

“Move.” He began to pull him toward the horse, already wondering how he was going to get the
half-conscious man onto it. Levi might be humanity’s strongest, but ninety kilos of dead weight
was going to be difficult to manoeuvre.
“Squad Leader,” Eld called. He had Berit slung across the saddle in front of him.

“She alive?”

“Yeah.”

“Get out of here. I’ll find you.”

“Levi,” Erwin said, his voice strained. “I’m … fading.” He stumbled.

We don’t have time. “ This is going to hurt.” Levi grabbed Erwin under his armpits and began to
drag him toward the horse. Erwin yelled, and the sound stabbed deep into Levi’s heart, but he
ignored it. Better pain than death.

“ When we get to the horse,” Levi said, “you’re going to use all your strength to get into that
saddle. I don’t give a shit how much it hurts. Got it?”

There was no reply; the gasps were beginning to rattle in a way that made Levi’s stomach twist.

When they reached the horse, however, Erwin bore his own weight, as if tapping into one last
reserve of strength. He climbed into the saddle with a noise that was half-scream, half-roar. Shaky,
Levi climbed into the saddle in front of him.

“Hold on tight.”.

The horse began to gallop.

Erwin leaned against his back; his head was increasingly heavy on Levi’s shoulder.

“Come on, you asshole, stay with me.” Levi glanced back, and his stomach dropped. A three-metre
titan was on their tail. Normally, his horse could outrun it, but with Erwin’s added weight, he
wasn’t so sure.

“I have to take care of this.” He nudged Erwin’s head with his shoulder. “You need to control the
horse.”

“Break my finger,” Erwin mumbled.

“What?”

Erwin’s left hand thrust into his field of vision. “The small finger. Do it.”

“What the fuck?” Levi turned his head to stare. Erwin’s lids were low and fluttering.

“Passing out. Need pain … shock me awake.”

Levi panicked. “You’re passing out because you have too much pain, you fucking moron!”

“Squad Leader,” Erwin rasped. “That’s an order.”

“Fuck.” Levi grabbed the hand he had held tenderly so many times, then gripped the bone of his
little finger. Even on a guy this large, it’s so small. So fragile.

He closed his eyes.

The bone snapped with a sickening crunch that reverberated through his hands, his arms. Erwin’s
yell was so pained and animalistic that Levi’s stomach heaved, tears flooding his eyes. “Erwin, you
fucking asshole!”

“That helps.” Erwin’s thumb pressed into the break to prod it, his hand withdrawing. “Thanks.
Go.”

Levi swallowed bile and shifted to pass him the reins. He leapt from the horse and launched his
grapple mid-air, anchoring to the titan’s shoulder. Exhaustion was setting in, and it took two passes
to hit the right angle.

The titan fell.

He stood in front of the remains, breathing hard, as Erwin circled the horse to retrieve him.

“Doing okay?” Levi asked, climbing into the saddle. The other titans were still pursuing them, but
they were falling behind.

“Levi.” Erwin leaned against his back. “Order the retreat. We’re done. Find Gerard. He knows the
sinkholes.”

“Fuck.” Levi fired a green flare north, toward the checkpoint. A smattering of green flares
responded.

As they rode, Levi looked down at the arms wrapped around his waist. Erwin was still prodding
that broken finger, more and more aggressively.

“Still with me, Erwin?”

“I—” Erwin coughed, and when he spoke again, his voice was a heavy wheeze. “Sorry, Levi.
Getting blood … on your cape.”

“Blood?” Levi glanced back, alarmed. “Where’s it coming from?”

“My … mouth … ”

The arms around his waist went slack as Erwin slumped against him.
 Sedate - Part 1
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read this fic. Your comments and
kind words mean the world to me.

Because this chapter ran long, I split it into two (22 & 23) and posted them at the same
time. I'm planning to have Chapter 24 up around Dec 25, and that will finish up Part II.
I'll be taking a short break before Part III starts up in late January.

This fic is getting pretty long, so I posted a brief chapter-by-chapter summary, if you
want to either figure out where you left off, or just look back over what's happened so
far for...some reason. http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/104352024576

Warning: syringes feature pretty heavily in this chapter & the next one. My apologies
to people afraid of needles.

Previous Chapter: The Survey Corps heads out on the expedition to recover goods
from all the silos, and it goes well at first, but then things begin to go horribly,
horribly wrong. (And I'm sorry about that cliffhanger...)

[SPOILER WARNING] This chapter references some aspects from chapter 56 of the
manga. As with all other spoilers in this story, I have intertwined them heavily with
my own headcanons, and I'd say the spoiler-y parts are like 20% spoiler, 80%
headcanon. Still, if you want to avoid the bulk of the spoilers, search for the line "His
eyes flew open." in this chapter and start reading from there, skipping over the
beginning stuff.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

-22-

Sedate (Part 1)

“Erwin,” said a voice, very far away—Levi?

“Erwin.” No, this voice went further back, years back …

Papa?

“ Wake up, daydreamer.”

His eyes opened.

His father sat at the head of the dinner table, a kind smile on his face as he carved the roast.

“Papa?” Erwin asked, aware that seeing his father was a special occasion, but unable to remember
why. Is this real? He looked down and ran his fingers across the familiar red-and-white checked
pattern of the tablecloth, feeling the ridges where the colours met. Helena sat across from him, no
more than four or five years old, and Mama sat at the end of the table. His mother’s cheeks were
rosy, a smile on her face; she looked out of place. When he thought of Mama, he thought of frown
lines, thin wrists.

“The door, Erwin,” Papa said. “Could you please answer it?”

“Oh! Sorry.” He swung his legs over the side of the chair and hopped down.

As he was walking to the door, he heard Mama say fondly, “Our little dreamer. Head always in the
clouds.”

The door swung open.

A group of blurred figures stood on the front porch. At first, Erwin thought he had debris in his eye
that was blocking out the visitors, but no matter how many times he blinked, he couldn’t clear it.
He squinted hard, and felt a great strain in his head, like stretching elastic. For a brief moment, he
saw a black hat with a white band, but then the strain in his head snapped back into place and the
blur took over again.

“We’re here for your father,” said a voice he couldn’t quite discern, as if the sound had been
blurred out, too.

The world tilted.

Then he saw Mama and Helena climbing into one carriage, and he stood in front of another, its
steps looming before him. Behind him, he could hear Papa pleading, “Leave my family out of
this!”

“Move it, kid,” said a gruff voice, and he felt a gun barrel press between his shoulder blades.

He climbed the stairs and slumped onto a bench, tears dripping down his face. Papa sat next to
him, face white, but he gave a gentle smile and hugged Erwin close. “It’s going to be okay, son.”

“We’re going to ask you a few questions,” said a blur-voice as three shapeless figures settled across
from them.

“I’ll answer everything you ask, but please, let my son leave. He has nothing to do with this.”

“You sure about that? Your brat’s been spreading your secrets. He’s the whole reason we’re here.”

Papa’s eyes darted to Erwin, and for a brief moment, those gentle blue eyes showed fear. Surprise.

Betrayal.

Erwin, a voice said, very far away. Erwin, snap out of it! Pain seared through his side, then
vanished.

“Let my father go,” Erwin pleaded, his voice shaking. “If I’m the reason you’re here, then ask me
your questions instead. Papa is very important. People rely on him.” Tears streamed down his
cheeks.

“People rely on us, too, you know,” one of the figures said.

“Stop wasting your time talking to him,” another said. “Just knock him out.”
“Erwin,” Papa said, “sit quietly.” The panic in his voice made Erwin’s heart rate double.

“Yeah, kid,” said a figure, “settle down, or we’ll have to give you medicine that will make you
sleep. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” A hand held up a syringe.

“No!” Erwin screamed, his hands balling into fists. “Where are you taking us? What are you going
to do to Papa, and Mama, and Helena? Let us go!”

He’s too worked up. We have to sedate him, said a female voice.

The figures lunged. Erwin screamed and thrashed. Someone was pinning him down, and people
were shouting. The syringe descended toward his arm.

“Papa!”

One of the blurred figures was pinning his father against the corner. “Please,” Papa, yelled
struggling. “Please don’t hurt my son!”

The syringe was almost in Erwin’s arm.

Everything went silent—the struggle, his breaths, the shouts, the rattle of the carriage—except
Papa’s voice, which rang out in his mind with perfect clarity:

“Erwin, listen to me: no matter what they do to you, never forget—”

Papa!

His eyes flew open.

Strength surged through him. He was powerful now, more powerful than he had been a moment
ago. He knocked the syringe away and shoved back the bodies that tried to pin him down. Pain
suffocated him so violently that his vision blackened. Voices called his name, and more figures
reached for him. He thrashed.

Strong hands closed over either side of his face.

“Erwin,” a voice said, smooth and warm, and the blurred figure that leaned over him was somehow
comforting. “Stop fighting us. You’re hurting yourself.”

He stared up at the blur, desperately trying to suck air into his burning lungs.

A syringe descended toward his arm again, and he flinched.

“He doesn’t trust you,” the smooth voice said. “Let me do it.”

The hands withdrew from his face. The instant the liquid hit his veins, Erwin felt his body begin to
relax. The pain was still excruciating, but now he could identify notes of it instead of being
deafened by its cacophony.

His eyes fluttered closed, and he finally identified the smooth voice. “Le … vi … ”

“Stop talking,” Levi said. “You need rest. I’ll be here.”

“I forgot … ” murmured Erwin.

“Forgot what?”
His lips moved, voiceless: What Papa told me to remember. Warm darkness was spinning around
him, soaking into him, tempting him with the promise of no pain. He relaxed into it, knowing that
Levi was watching over him.

Levi bowed over Erwin’s unconscious form, still holding the empty syringe.

Mike’s hand closed over his shoulder. “You okay?”

It was such a stupid question that Levi didn’t bother giving him an answer. Instead, he watched the
medics bind Erwin’s wrists to the stretcher railings. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes we do,” one of them said. “His ribs are broken. He could kill himself if he panics and flails
like that again. Besides, if the three of you hadn’t been here, we wouldn’t have been able to hold
him down.”

“Fine.” He stared down at Erwin’s face. Erwin’s expression was fully relaxed now, but his skin
was still slick with tears. The cracked lips were tinged blue.

What were you seeing? Why were you so upset? Levi’s throat tightened, but he cleared it. There
wasn’t time to mope. With Erwin out, it was his duty as unofficial second-in-command to take
control of the mission. He turned to Mike and Hange, who were both ashen-faced and solemn.

“Let’s go.”

“Where?” Hange asked, voice cracking.

“To find Berit.” He let his eyes trail across the sea of injured soldiers. The main room of the
second checkpoint had been converted into a makeshift sanatorium, the wounded lined up on
bedrolls. Most of the surviving soldiers were wounded. Even Mike had a nasty gash on his
forearm.

Berit lay on a bedroll at the far end of the room, her arm in a splint and a bandage around her
forehead. She pushed herself onto her elbow as they approached.

“What was that about?” she asked. “Is he okay?”

“Bit of a nightmare,” Hange said with a forced lighthearted tone.

“Fucking idiot is going to kill himself.” Levi sat on the floor. “How are you feeling?”

“I got off lucky. Broken arm, a little concussion.” She smiled. “I hear you saved my life, Levi. That
was sweet of you.”

He shrugged. “Figure your husband-to-be would be pissed if we brought you home in a body bag.”

“Silas proposed?” Hange asked.

Berit’s eyes narrowed. “Great. Last time I tell Erwin anything private.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t realized it had been told in confidence. “Look, we have bigger things to worry
about. With Erwin down, the four of us need to figure out what the hell to do next. We should start
by counting—”

“Tomorrow. We need to rest.” Hange reached for his shoulder.

He jerked away. “If we don’t take command—”

“Levi. We’ll figure it out in the morning.”

For the first time, he noticed the dark circles under Hange’s eyes. He glanced at Mike and saw his
mouth drooping.

“Fine,” he muttered. He had been hoping to keep himself distracted from Erwin’s condition, from
all the soldiers he had lost. He turned to Mike. “At least let me stitch your arm.”

Fifteen stitches later, Levi had run out of distractions. It was still too early to sleep. Giving in, he
returned to Erwin’s side. A medic named Nate was squeezing liquid between the unconscious
man’s lips with an eyedropper.

Levi leaned against the wall and folded his arms over his chest. “He going to be okay?”

“Hard to say. Biggest concern is internal bleeding and whatever’s going on with his lung. We’ll be
keeping him sedated so he doesn’t move around and make things worse, at least until we diagnose
the problems.” Nate’s face wrinkled with a kind smile. “But the Commander’s a tough one, Levi.
I’ve seen him bounce back from a lot over the years.”

Levi recalled the way Erwin had mounted the horse with broken ribs, then had stayed focused on
the mission right up until the moment he had passed out. A tough one, indeed. His eyes drifted
down to the splinted little finger, purple and swollen, and guilt twisted his stomach.

The blond eyelashes fluttered. Erwin’s head tossed and he murmured a string of nonsense syllables.

“Is he feverish?” Levi asked.

“No, just high as a kite. He’s probably in a better place than we are right now.”

Levi stepped closer and leaned over Erwin’s face. “You’d better not die on us, you asshole.”

The eyelashes fluttered again, then parted, just a crack. “Levi?”

“You should be resting,” Levi said, his heart pounding.

“Everything hurts.” Erwin’s pupils were pinpricks, and his eyes kept drifting to the side, then
ticking back to Levi. “I’m spinning.”

Nate approached Erwin’s other side to check his pulse. “We might need to give him more sedatives
to keep him under. You were the only one he trusted with it before—would you be willing to do it
again?”

“Sure.” Levi couldn’t tear his eyes away from the wounded Commander. He wanted to crawl onto
the stretcher next to him and smooth the hair back from his forehead. Instead, he settled for a
platonic grip to the shoulder. “Erwin, I’m going to give you something to knock you out.”

“No.” Erwin tugged against the wrist bindings. “Our strategy … I have to … ”

“You need to sleep so you can get better.” Levi accepted the syringe from Nate. “You’re not going
to fight it this time, all right?”

“Taking care of me,” Erwin mumbled. “And saved my life. So good to me.”

“It’s nothing.” Levi administered the drug. The instant it hit his bloodstream, Erwin’s face
slackened and his eyes closed.

“Levi?” His voice was barely audible. “One day, I’m going to … ”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to marry you.”

Levi stepped back. “What the fuck?”

Nate chuckled. “Like I said, high as a kite. People say the damnedest things when they’re sedated.”

Levi’s head reeled as he stared at Erwin. Erwin was out cold now, his breaths slow and rattling.
You bastard, why would you say something like that? We’re in public, and you’re half dead.

He barely kept himself together as he stormed through the checkpoint. The guard towers were all
unstable, so he settled on the next highest point: the top of the stable roof. His throat ached as if he
had to sob or scream, but at the same time, he was numb. ‘ One day, I’m going to marry you?’
Fuck. Those could be your last words, asshole.

He buried his face in his knees. In his mind’s eye, he felt that finger snap between his hands, heard
the howl as Erwin mounted the horse, saw tears running down the gaunt face as he deliriously
fought against the medics …

Don’t you dare fucking die. Not after all that.

He heard approaching boot steps, but didn’t look up. One person sat on his left, another on his
right. He knew without looking that it was Mike and Hange.

“You okay?” Hange asked quietly.

Levi didn’t answer. He knew they had lost people, too, but he was too hollow to offer any support.

Hange leaned a cheek on his shoulder and Mike edged closer to his side.

They sat there until the sun went down, huddled together for warmth, comforting each other
without exchanging a word.

Levi jerked upright, blinking.

Pink light flooded through the gaping holes in the roof. For one blissful moment, he forgot where
he was, but then it all came rushing back. After many sleepless hours of pacing and wandering
through the checkpoint, he had fallen asleep in a cold stone corner next to Erwin’s stretcher. One
of the medics had apparently draped a blanket over him during the night. The gesture was kind, but
he couldn’t feel any gratitude.

He stood, stretching his aching neck. The medics were moving among the wounded, giving them
water and medication. Erwin was unconscious, his skin still pale and sunken. Making sure no one
was looking, Levi slicked the damp blond bangs off his forehead, combing them neatly into place.

One of the new recruits came over a few minutes later. She gave him a polite smile. “Squad
Leader. I’m guessing you want a report on the Commander’s status?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

She examined a piece of paper, her brow furrowed. “We thought a lung might be punctured, at
first, but it seems more likely to be a contusion, which should be a better scenario. Four ribs are
fractured, at least one of those in several places. He’s a bit dehydrated, but we’re making sure to
ease off the sedative at regular intervals so he can surface enough to drink some water.”

“I see.” Levi’s hands tightened into fists at his sides. “Is he going to make it?”

“Still hard to say. He doesn’t seem to be bleeding anymore, at least, but we need to get him back to
town as soon as possible. That lung is a big risk for complications; worst case, we’d have to put in a
tube to drain fluids. Can’t do that out here without risking infection. Besides, our morphine
supplies are running low, and it’s very important that we keep his pain controlled so he breathes
properly.” She set the paper aside and began to take Erwin’s pulse. “He’s not the only one in rough
shape. We aren’t equipped to deal with this many injuries, especially because we lost most of our
medical staff on the field.”

“I see.” We have to get back to Trost as soon as possible.

Hange and Mike were asleep on the floor in the next room. He nudged them with his foot. “Wake
up. We have work to do.”

First, they began the arduous task of checking the survivors against their squad rosters. Levi was
happy to find Gunther, Eld and Anton alive, but Nadya hadn’t returned. His heart sank. I barely
even said two words to her. I don’t even know when she died.

He tried not to think of Isabel and Farlan, he tried so hard, but every time he lost people, he thought
of them. Time had dulled the guilt, but not the empty space they had left behind. He wondered
what they’d think of him now, temporarily leading the Survey Corps, in love with the man he had
sworn to kill. If they had any sense, they’d be furious with him for throwing away their lives to try
to kill Erwin in the first place. Knowing them, however, they would just be happy he had found
someone. He blinked until his vision cleared. Maybe I’ll check in on Farlan’s sister at the care
facility next time I’m in the Capital. Maybe seeing her again will make me feel like Farlan’s still
with me.

He took a deep breath. Focus.

The rest of his squad had fared even worse than the strike team. By the time he reconvened with
Mike and Hange, his hands were shaking. They found a quiet spot away from the group.

“Thirteen survivors from my squad, eight of them wounded,” Levi said. His voice trembled against
his will, as if his body were reacting to the emotions he was still too numb to acknowledge.

“Eighteen survivors in mine, twelve of them wounded,” Hange said. “Three in Berit’s, all of them
wounded.”

“Eleven,” Mike said. “Eight wounded.”

“Plus the five officers, three of us wounded, so I guess that means fifty survivors in total, thirty-
four of them wounded.” Hange’s head bowed.

“Shit,” Levi whispered. “What did we set out with? About two hundred?”

“Yeah, one hundred and ninety-eight.”

Mike raked his hand into his hair and turned, pacing away from them. Levi stared at the names of
the casualties on his roster. For several minutes, none of them spoke.
Levi took a long breath, then let it out slowly, trying to steady himself. “How many carts did we
end up recovering from that last silo?”

“All but four,” Hange said. “Three still in the mud, and we had to dump some supplies from the
fourth to carry the wounded. I asked the team to dump the tax chests first—they’re the only thing
that won’t be ruined by the elements, so we can retrieve them on our next expedition.”

“What?” Levi’s eyes locked onto the Squad Leader. “You dumped all the money?”

“Yeah?”

“You moron.” Levi stepped forward and smacked the ponytailed head. “That money was the most
important part.”

Hange looked up, eyes wide. “It’s just money.”

“That wasn’t just money.” If we don’t pay Sahlo off, he might turn the entire Council against us.
Trying to control him was the whole reason we did this stupid mission so soon. Frustrated, Levi
reached out to smack Hange’s head again.

A strong hand caught his arm. He looked back to see Mike frowning at him.

“Knock it off, Levi. We had to leave people, money or supplies. Hange made the right call.”

Levi withdrew his hand, glancing at Hange. The goggled eyes were downcast, and he could tell
they were filling with tears. Shit. He looked away. “Mike, do you think we could recover the
money with a small team?”

Mike held up his wounded arm. “Four fingers are numb; can’t close my fist all the way. I’d be
useless on the gear.”

“How about you, four eyes?”

“It’s not worth it, Levi.” Hange’s voice cracked. “We have sixteen able-bodied soldiers, and
they’re all exhausted. Besides, we have to get back to Trost as soon as possible. Several of the
wounded need proper medical care, not just first aid. That includes Erwin.”

Levi knew they were right: they had to leave the money behind. Erwin won’t like this, but it might
save his life. “ How the hell are we going to get back through the gorge with so few people, and so
many injured?”

“Run and hope we’re lucky,” Hange said.

Mike nodded his agreement. “I’ll inform the medics that we want to head out. We need to figure
out how to transport everyone.”

After an hour of preparation, they were ready to set out. Mike and Levi took the lead, guiding the
formation based on Mike’s nose. Behind them, the carts rode in the centre of the formation; a
couple were heavily laden with supplies, and the others carried any wounded soldiers who were
unable to ride. Because of the enormous losses, the horses outnumbered the riders by more than
four to one. Several soldiers were riding with four or five horses in tow. Levi glanced back at them,
uneasy. No matter how obedient Survey Corps horses were, he couldn’t shake the feeling he was
going to be stampeded at any moment.

The gorge appeared in front of them. Mike sniffed the air, then pointed to the western cliff, where
Levi’s squad had encountered the titans before.

“Shit,” Levi said. “How many?”

“Half a dozen?”

Gritting his teeth, Levi picked up speed, hoping the wounded in the carts could handle a faster pace
over the bumpy terrain.

They were about halfway through the gorge when a shadow fell over them. Levi looked up at the
cliff.

A titan was falling toward them.

On reflex, he jerked the reins. His horse stopped so suddenly that it reared. The titan landed on its
feet in front of them; the ground shook from the impact, dust billowing into Levi’s face.

The titan had barely lifted its head when Mike burst out of his saddle. His grapple slammed into
the rock wall behind the titan. He swung his blades for the neck, but veered off course with a sharp
yell.

His injured arm. Levi anchored high on the cliff wall, but as he swung toward the titan, the rock
began to crumble. The grapple gave out. He dropped hard onto his feet, and he half-stumbled, half-
ran forward as he fought to control the landing. Before his balance failed him entirely, he managed
to find an anchor spot on the beast’s head. He propelled himself high into the air.

His blades spattered titan blood across his face and chest. The titan fell, steam billowing from its
corpse.

“Fuck.” He dropped to the ground. One ankle smarted, so he shifted his weight to the other leg.
“You okay?” Mike was still lying in a heap on the titan’s far side.

“Yeah. Forgot my hand was screwed.” Mike sat up, rubbing his head. “You’re limping.”

“Fucked up my ankle a bit.” Levi shook out his leg, hoping it was just a mild strain. “Do you smell
more of them up there?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s get moving before another suicidal piece of shit throws itself down here.” Levi limped
back to his horse, wiping the steaming remains off his face.

The rest of the formation had stopped, and the soldiers stared at them with wide eyes. Levi
mounted and thrust out his right arm. “Move out!”

Thankfully, they travelled through the rest of the gorge without any encounters, and on the other
side, Mike’s nose allowed them to redirect the group away from harm. They rode through the first
checkpoint’s gates around noon.

Levi felt a wave of relief, but it was premature—they weren’t home yet—so he shoved it aside. He
turned to the group. “Take a break, but leave your horses saddled. Mike and Hange, come here.”

The group began to murmur with confusion.

“Take a break?” Hange repeated, dismounting. “Aren’t we stopping here for the night?”
“It’s only another four hours or so to Trost.” Levi dismounted, too, and tested his injured leg. It felt
a bit bruised, but he could stand on it just fine. “If we take a few minutes to load up the supplies
we left here before, then we can be home before nightfall.”

Mike and Hange exchanged a look, considering.

“It makes sense,” Hange said reluctantly, “but what about the impact of fatigue on morale?”

Levi shook his head. “Look around you, shitgoggles. Morale can’t get any fucking lower.”

“I’ll check with the medics first,” Mike said. “In case anyone can’t survive a second push so soon.”

“Okay. Hange, make sure Berit agrees with our plan. I’ll see if Erwin’s awake.”

He strode toward the medical carts, checking a couple different ones before he found Erwin. His
eyes were closed and his skin was still pale, but his lips had more colour than before. That seemed
like a good sign. Levi glanced around and, seeing that everyone around him was preoccupied or
unconscious, took a moment to trace the bridge of Erwin’s nose. He tapped the sharp tip. “Hang in
there a bit longer. We’re almost home.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned away, looking for the others.

Thankfully, Berit and the medics all agreed that pushing for Trost was the best course of action, so
they didn’t have to waste any time discussing their options. The only delay was the time it took to
load the supplies they had recovered from the first checkpoint’s silos. It took some shuffling to
find room for everything, with so many wounded soldiers requiring cart space, but Hange took
control and showed a surprising aptitude for organization.

Within an hour, they were ready to leave. They set out in the same formation they had used in the
gorge, preparing to outrun every potential threat.

The first major landmark was the meadow where they had fought the large cluster of titans on the
first day of the mission. Levi felt a pang of guilt, remembering Sonja’s death. So many had died
under his command since then, and as much as he wanted to mourn each of them equally, his grief
about Sonja was still disproportionately high.

But she didn’t die in vain. The meadow was completely empty, and he thanked Erwin’s foresight.
If they hadn’t taken out the titans then, this would have been the Survey Corps’ last stand. There
was no way this fatigued, battered group could hold their own in such a massive fight.

They rode on, Mike leading the group by scent.

“Protect that nose of yours.” Levi fired a green flare to direct the group away from a threat on the
horizon. “It’s a fucking gift.”

Mike smirked at him. “Tell your boyfriend not to punch it anymore.”

“I still can’t picture him attacking you.”

“Yeah, can’t say I expected it. Bet it surprised him, too.” Mike glanced at Levi. “How is he?”

“They’re keeping him under so he doesn’t hurt himself even worse. Four cracked ribs, something
wrong with a lung.”

“That it? He’ll be fine. But there’s one thing you might not know about Erwin.”
“Yeah?”

“He’s a terrible patient. Too stubborn, too driven. He’s going to be hell-bent on pushing himself
too soon.”

“Huh.” Levi was not surprised.

“You’re going to want to look after him while he heals, right? Be prepared to pick your battles.
You won’t be able to win them all.” Mike sniffed, then frowned. “There’s a titan to the northwest.”

Levi nodded and fired a green flare northeast.

Even though he redirected their course several times, they still managed to reach Wall Rose before
sunset. Levi didn’t bother to give the traditional welcome home speech. He fired a white round
into the air, alerting the Garrison that they had returned. The sound of ringing bells filled the air.

The gate opened, and the scent of Trost filled his nose: garbage, horse manure, dust. He felt
clashing waves of relief and disgust.

A crowd began to assemble on either side of the road through town. Levi dismounted and held his
head high, leading the group forward. Shocked murmurs filled the air, and he could feel eyes
boring through him. He knew how it must look: nearly two-hundred soldiers had left, and now,
barely more than a dozen were able to walk.

“Where’s Commander Erwin?” yelled a man in the crowd.

“Injured,” Levi said.

“Where’s my son Reg?”

“My daughter Nadya—I don’t see her!”

“Is Franco dead?”

“What knowledge did you bring back? Were the lives you lost worth it?”

Shapes began to close in around Levi, looming over him. He couldn’t breathe. His mouth twisted
and his hands tightened into fists as he fought the urge to start punching and kicking. Ignore them.
You’re almost home. Just a little further …

“ Looks like Commander Erwin was just as foolhardy as every asshole that came before him,” one
man said.

Levi’s gaze snapped to the man and he opened his mouth.

Hands tightened over his shoulders, warning him to stop. Hange’s voice rang out beside him, loud
and clear: “The Commander will be happy to address you about the goals and results of this
mission as soon as he can. For now, it’s important that we get the brave wounded some medical
attention. We appreciate your understanding and your patience, and we, of course, share your grief
for those who were lost. We will contact their families as soon as possible.”

“What are you doing?” Levi growled, red still fogging the fringes of his vision.

“Saving you from yourself.” Hange pushed him toward the base. “Let Erwin sort out the public
relations when he’s well enough.”
As they filed through the front gates of the base, many of the soldiers, overcome by emotion,
began to weep. Levi stared dully at the rooftop near the stable, wondering if Erwin would ever
again be able to make the leap to their perch. His eyes drifted up to the guard tower, the site of
romantic lunches and their near-breakup, and so many conflicting emotions competed for his
attention that he felt nothing.

While Hange helped the medical team deal with the wounded, Levi and Mike coordinated the
supply storage. They’d take a proper inventory later; for now, their top priority was to get
everything stowed away so the soldiers could take some leave.

When they were just finishing up, one of the medics jogged up to them. “Commander Erwin is
starting to come out of his sedation. Do you want us to let him awaken fully so you can update him
on the situation?”

Levi’s pulse drummed in his ears. “How clear-headed is he going to be?” He couldn’t take another
off-handed comment about marriage.

“He’ll be groggy, but lucid.”

“I see.” He turned to Mike, and they exchanged a long look. Mike shrugged.

“Okay.” Levi turned back to her. “We’ll be up in a few minutes. Make sure Hange and Berit are
there, too.”

The san was packed full when they arrived. A couple doctors from the village were already helping
the medics treat the worst patients. Levi scanned the room, but couldn’t see Erwin.

“Over here,” Nate said, waving from a doorway. They found Erwin in an adjoining private room, a
doctor by his side. Berit sat in a wheelchair in the corner, Hange standing behind her.

Levi strode up to the bed and leaned over it. Erwin’s eyelids were fluttering, and his hands were
bound to the bed railings at his sides.

“He doesn’t need to be tied down.”

“Levi,” Nate said. “Remember what happened the last time he woke up. His ribs are fragile right
now—if he panics, he could seriously injure himself.”

Erwin’s head rolled along the pillow, and he mumbled a few unintelligible syllables.

“He responded to your voice last time, Levi,” Nate said. “Try talking to him.”

There was a lot he wanted to say, but not in front of so many people. He cleared his throat. “Hey,
blondie. Wake up.”

“Mm?” Erwin’s eyes opened a crack. “Levi? What— Ah, fuck!” His eyes screwed shut and he
curled off the bed, tugging at the bonds, as if he were reflexively trying to grip his wounds.

“He needs morphine,” the doctor said, checking his pulse. He signalled to Nate, who began to fill a
syringe. “Make sure you keep on top of his pain. The more pain he’s in, the more tense he’ll be.
That will make his intercostal muscles pull on the injured ribs, making them hurt even more. It’s a
vicious cycle, one we have to interrupt. Pain is going to prevent him from breathing deeply, which
could lead to lung—”

“No drugs,” Erwin wheezed, tugging at the bonds again. “I’m fine.”
“That’s not what your pulse says. You must refrain from moving around. You’re in a fragile state
right now.”

“That’s why you’re bound, you idiot,” Levi said.

“I need … to be clear-headed … ”

Levi’s numbness was finally beginning to fall away, and the first emotion to surface was irritation.
He snatched the meds from Nate, then squirted half the syringe’s contents back into the vial. “You
want to stay sober, fine, but you need something. You’re taking half now, half after we’re done
talking.”

“Levi, I don’t want—”

“Shut up and let us help you.” He swabbed Erwin’s arm with alcohol. Erwin cooperated, allowing
him to inject the medication. Within seconds, he relaxed back into the bed.

“Better, right?” Levi said.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” He began to untie the wrist straps.

“Levi—” Nate began.

“He doesn’t need them.” He pulled the straps free and let them fall to the floor.

Erwin blinked. “Where are we?”

“Back at the base,” Hange’s voice said behind Levi, and he jumped. He had forgotten the others
were there.

“It’s good to see you awake,” Berit said. “I don’t know if you remember, but we got swarmed at
the first silo of the second checkpoint. Levi’s team saved our lives.”

The blue eyes shifted to him. “Is this true?”

“I guess.” Levi tried to look away, but his gaze landed on the splinted little finger. His stomach
flipped, and he found himself wishing the numbness would take hold again.

“Ah, yes. I remember now.” There were unnatural pauses between Erwin’s words, as if he were
struggling to catch his breath. “Thank you, Levi. And I’m glad you’re okay, Berit. You saved my
life, too.”

“Did my best, sir,” she replied.

“The rest of the mission, after I fell. How was it?”

Levi couldn’t bring himself to look at him; he kept staring at the broken finger. For several
seconds, no one spoke.

“Your faces,” Erwin said quietly. “It was that bad?”

“We lost four carts’ worth of supplies from the first silo, sir,” Hange said, voice catching.

“Lost?”
“Three are still stuck in the mud. We had to dump a fourth to make room for the injured. We
considered a recovery mission to retrieve those supplies, but we were too short on able-bodied
soldiers. We all agreed that returning to base was the best option.”

“I see.”

There was a long pause, as if Erwin were working up the courage to ask the next question. Levi
folded his arms tightly over his chest, bracing himself for it. He didn’t have to look back to know
the other Squad Leaders were doing the same thing.

“How many?” Erwin asked finally, the words barely voiced.

Mike was the first to speak. “Seventy-five percent.”

Erwin jerked as if someone had slapped him. “Seventy-five percent … survived?”

Several seconds passed. Levi hunched tighter.

“Mike,” Erwin said, his voice urgent. “Survived?”

“No.”

Erwin’s breaths wheezed louder, faster, faster …

Concerned, Levi looked up. Erwin’s face was pale, almost green, and his body began to heave.

“Sedative,” the doctor barked.

Erwin rolled to the side and retched.

Chaos erupted. The medics converged, yelling orders, and the Squad Leaders stepped forward, and
at the centre of it all, Levi stared at Erwin’s rolling shoulders, feeling each heave spike through
him with white-hot dread. Liquid began to seep across the blanket, tinged pink.

“Get out of here,” he heard himself growl, and the words made so much sense that he whirled to
face the officers. “Get out!”

They gaped at him, wide-eyed, then hurried from the room. Levi shut the door behind them and
slumped against it, staring at the medical team. They rolled Erwin onto his back. His chin was slick
with blood and vomit, and his breath was still coming in loud, terrible gasps.

But it was his eyes that hurt the most: they locked onto Levi, wide and terrified, not one ounce of
confidence in them. Levi could have handled tears, or anger, but he couldn’t handle that complete
lack of Erwin, that utter helplessness; it pinned him against the door.

The doctor yanked down the sheet. Bruises bloomed across Erwin’s flank and chest, a mixture of
black, red and yellow. It was worse than Levi imagined, so much worse. I should have been there.
I should have been by his side; this never would have happened. The doctor’s fingers slid along
Erwin’s ribs, examining them. Erwin yelled through clenched teeth, and the sound spiked through
Levi’s chest.

Nate whirled to face Levi, his brows low. “You shouldn’t have given him such stressful news when
he was so frail.”

“How the fuck was I supposed to know he’d lose his shit?” Levi’s knuckles ached from clawing at
the door. “Maybe if you were doing your fucking job—”
“Both of you, be quiet. You aren’t helping.” The doctor pried open Erwin’s eyelids to examine his
eyes. “Give him the rest of the morphine. I can’t tell if he worsened his lung injury or he’s just
hyperventilating.”

Wordlessly, Nate handed Levi a syringe. Levi stepped forward to administer it.

“Le—” Erwin rasoed between breaths, the whites of his eyes showing all the way around the irises.

I should have protected you. Levi depressed the plunger, then passed back the syringe. He gripped
the first four digits of the wounded man’s hand, carefully avoiding the broken one. Erwin clung to
him. His breaths began to slow as the morphine took hold.

“That’s better.” The doctor pressed a tube to Erwin’s chest, listening through the other end. The
other medics prepared more medication in the background, murmuring amongst themselves. Levi
ignored them, focusing on the junction of their hands. Sweat was building between them, but he
didn’t let go. Erwin’s grip was beginning to slacken.

“He’s a lucky man.” The doctor pulled away. “This episode doesn’t seem to have made anything
worse, at least for now. But that cannot happen again.”

Levi let out a relieved breath. He tried to release Erwin’s hand, but as he began to pull away, the
hand reached for him again.

“Okay,” Levi whispered. “I’m here.” Their fingers intertwined.

“Should we strap him to the bed again?” Nate asked.

“Hard to say.” The doctor wrote some notes on a piece of paper. “That movement and spasming
was dangerous, no question, but if he had vomited on his back, he could have choked. Might be
best to leave him loose. Keep him on morphine and anti-nauseants so this doesn’t happen again.
Your top priority is to keep him calm and breathing properly, so his pain must be controlled.
Sedatives might be a big help right now, too.” He nodded. “I’m going to go attend to the other
patients for a bit, but call me if his condition changes.”

He left the room.

Levi ran his thumb across Erwin’s knuckles, then realized Nate was staring. He didn’t bother
pulling away. That would just draw even more attention to it, make him look as if he were feeling
guilty.

The elderly medic cleared his throat and dismissed the others, then, once they were alone, stepped
in close to Levi.

“You have a calming effect on him, something he needs right now. If you’re comfortable staying
while I clean him up and administer the rest of these meds, it would be a big help.”

“I’ll clean him up,” Levi said. “Alone. He’s more comfortable with me giving him meds, anyway.”
He stared down at their entwined fingers. “I’m the one who stressed him out like this in the first
place.”

Nate was quiet for a moment, but then he nodded. “When he’s ready, give him the two syringes on
the counter. We’ll be in the next room, so call for assistance immediately if you need it. I’ll make
sure you have some privacy.” He gripped Levi’s shoulder, then left the room.

For a moment, the only sound was Erwin’s rasping breaths, slower now than they had been a few
minutes ago. Levi smoothed stringy blond hair back from his forehead. Their eyes held.

“Seventy-five,” Erwin said, and his body seized as if he were retching one last time.

“Stop thinking about it. You’re going to work yourself up again.” Levi retracted his hand and
slowly walked around the bed, sizing up the situation. Most of the mess had gone over the edge of
the bed, but the blanket and pillowcase both had damp spots. “I’ll be right back.”

He slipped through the door and spoke to one of the medics. A few minutes later, he returned to
Erwin’s side with clean bedding and several washcloths.

The blue eyes followed him as he stripped the blanket, tossing it into the corner. He draped a fresh
blanket over Erwin’s battered body.

“This might hurt,” he said, sliding a hand under Erwin’s head. He eased out the pillow and gently
lowered his head to the sheet, hoping the change in angle wouldn’t put too much stress on his ribs.
The scent of vomit and the visible tinge of red made Levi’s stomach lurch, but he forced it back.
He eased a clean pillow under Erwin’s head.

“That means it was sixty-five percent,” Erwin rasped. “At that one silo. And the supplies … We
lost four carts … ”

“Stop thinking about it.” Levi wiped the floor, trying to erase the scent from the room, the stains
from his mind. Maybe he couldn’t control how quickly Erwin recovered, but he could make his
room clean and sterile. That was better than nothing. He shoved the soiled bedding outside the
door.

Next, he scrubbed his hands in the basin, then soaked a cloth. He began to dab the mess from
Erwin’s mouth and chin.

“Shouldn’t see me like this,” Erwin whispered. His lids were low now, his face slack.

“This is what we do. One of us bleeds, the other washes it away.” It wasn’t so long ago that their
situations had been reversed, when Erwin had cleaned the blood off his face after the botched
mission into the Military Police headquarters.

“I’m filthy. You hate filth.”

He scrubbed a stubborn spot at the corner of Erwin’s mouth. “You could be caked head to toe in
your own shit and piss and I’d still want to help you clean up.” Once the last of the mess was gone,
he tossed the cloth into the sink. His thumb slid across a thick eyebrow, smoothing it into place. “I
know you don’t want drugs, but I have to give you a bit more.”

“No. Pain means I’m alive.” Erwin’s eyes closed. “Others aren’t so lucky.”

“So that’s what this is all about. You want to punish yourself for their deaths, don’t you?” Levi
stood up to wash his hands again. “Well, fuck that. You should be trying to get well so you can
make their deaths mean something. Pain isn’t going to help you heal.”

After a pause, Erwin said, “Orders first. Then meds.”

Levi dried his hands, then returned to his side. “Okay. What are your orders?”

“I need a written report: supplies. Casualties. Arrange a carriage to Mitras. Tonight.”

“Tonight?” Levi studied him, trying to determine if the morphine was clouding his judgement.
“You can’t travel like this. You’re going to be laid out for days.”

“No. Need to head off rumours. The Council … ” Erwin winced, shifting. “Can’t appeal with
results, so sympathy might help. This can’t wait. Could undermine the whole mission.”

Levi remembered what Mike had said: be prepared to pick your battles. He could easily overrule
Erwin and have the medics keep him sedated until he was well enough to travel, but that could
shatter Erwin’s trust in him. Maybe he could appeal to him with a compromise instead.

“How about this? Let the medics observe you for a full day and see how you’re doing. If you’re
okay to travel, we’ll go tomorrow night. Not tonight.”

“Levi—”

“One day won’t make a difference to the pigs at the Capital, but it could be a big difference for
you. If you’re still stable tomorrow, the medics will be more likely to let you go, and so will the
other officers.” He looked down. “And I’m going to be the one taking care of you when we go, so
I’d like to know you aren’t going to die on me mid-trip.”

Erwin studied him for a moment, then gave a small nod. “Okay.”

“Is that it for the orders? Can I give you your meds?”

“Yeah.” A small smile tugged at his lips. “Thank you, Levi. I won’t forget this.”

Levi bent down to kiss his forehead, then administered the medication. Moments later, Erwin was
out. Levi stayed with him for a few more minutes, his head bowed, trying to find the strength to
walk away.

The medics and the doctor were initially opposed to letting Erwin travel so soon, but after a lot of
discussion, they agreed to allow it if there were no complications overnight. Levi had proven he
had suitable first-aid skills, and the Capital had a better hospital than Trost. If worse came to
worse, medical aid wasn’t far away.

By the next afternoon, Erwin was already showing signs of improvement. He still ran out of breath
easily, but he could string together several words without stopping, and his pain levels were
tolerable so long as the medics kept on top of his medication. They had transferred him from the
bed to a wheelchair that had the ability to recline. Sitting and sleeping in a reclining position was
easier on his ribs than being upright or lying flat.

That evening, Nate rolled him out to a carriage where Levi was waiting. The Squad Leader helped
lift the chair into the cabin, securing it to a bench. Erwin gingerly reclined, finding the most
comfortable angle. He could hear Levi and Nate outside the carriage discussing the medication
schedule, as well as a list of warning signs that would mean Erwin’s condition was worsening.
Once they were done, Nate poked his head in.

“I still think you’re pushing too hard, Commander. If you would only reconsider … ”

“I’ll seek help if I need it,” Erwin said. “I assure you, this is what’s best for the Corps.”

“Very well. Don’t forget to do your deep breathing exercises. They’ll keep your lungs clear.” Nate
saluted. “Safe travels, sir.”
Levi climbed into the carriage and shut the door. He slumped on the bench facing Erwin, arms
folding over his chest. “He’s right, you know.”

“Not you, too, Levi? This was your suggestion.”

“Well, maybe I’m second-guessing it. You can’t even stand.”

“I don’t need to stand.” The carriage rattled as it began to move over the cobblestone, and he
winced.

“Already?” Levi reached under the seat and pulled out a black medical bag.

“What are you doing?” Erwin asked.

“What I was ordered to do: keeping your pain level down while we travel.” Levi pulled out a vial
and a syringe.

The world tilted.

Carriage … vial … syringe … Erwin’s chest tightened. Papa … blurred figures … don’t forget …
don’t forget …

“ Erwin?”

He realized he was breathing hard, his hands trembling. “Can’t I have pills instead?” he asked,
trying to keep his tone light.

Levi looked down at the syringe, then carefully set it back inside the bag. “Don’t tell me you’re
afraid of needles.”

“Guess I am.”

After a pause, Levi said, “The day you were injured, you fought back when we tried to give you
sedative. Took four of us to hold you down.”

So that wasn’t a dream. Erwin bowed his head. “My apologies for the fuss.”

“I know you said there are things you can’t tell me, so don’t answer if you don’t want to. I’m just
curious.” Levi leaned forward. “You were screaming for your father. Those dreams you’ve
mentioned, the ones Nile thinks are delusions—did this have something to do with them?”

Erwin’s throat tightened. “Perhaps.”

Levi’s gaze was steady. “You still won’t tell me what they are, will you?”

“I won’t. It’s too dangerous. I’m sorry.” Memories floated through Erwin’s mind, perfectly clear,
down to the red-checked tablecloth. Nothing that real could be a delusion, could it? The only things
out of place were those blurred figures and voices.

“Levi, I’m curious. Ever have vivid memories with parts cut out? Faces? Voices?” He wanted to
say more, but his injuries made it difficult to say too many sentences at a time.

Levi shrugged. “Yeah.”

“No, I … ” Erwin paused to catch his breath. “Not forgotten parts, or fuzzy details, but holes .
Crystal clear memories, but bits are blurred. And when you focus, try to unblur it, it hurts. Like
your brain’s pulling in two.”

Levi gave him a puzzled look. “Yeah, I knew that was what you meant.”

“You don’t think it’s odd?”

“That’s just how memories work. Details disappear.”

Erwin thought of the vague parts of Levi’s history: his unclear age, his uncertainty about whether
or not he had been a mercenary, his confusion about what had happened with his aunt. He has even
more holes than I do. “Your last name … ”

His eyes narrowed. “What about it?”

“Do you remember it?”

“Of course I do.” Levi hesitated. “Maybe. Look, I don’t want to talk about this stuff right now.
You need to relax. The drugs are fucking with your head or something; you’re all over the place.”

“I suppose.”

“And I have to give you this dose now. Close your eyes and think about something else.”

Erwin obeyed. He felt Levi lift the short sleeve of his shirt. A few seconds later, the drug flooded
his veins. His body relaxed. It was the same experience with every fresh dose: he never realized
just how bad the pain had become until the meds dulled it again.

“You can open your eyes,” Levi said. “If the drugs make you sick, let me know. I bought some
ginger candies in town yesterday. They’ll help your stomach. You’ll probably get constipated, too,
so I have some herbs for that.”

Erwin smiled. “You’re so good to me, Levi.”

Levi clicked one of the door flaps into place to form a bed parallel to the wheelchair, then sat on it,
facing him. “You said something like that earlier, when you were really fucked up on the drugs.”
He looked as if he wanted to say more, but then his mouth flattened.

“I appreciate your attentiveness.” Erwin reached out to run a hand along his jaw, but froze when he
saw the splinted, purple finger. “Oh.” He held it up, examining it from both sides. “I asked you to
do this, right?” He had been so full of adrenaline by that point that his memories were disjointed,
and the drug haze certainly wasn’t helping him sort out his thoughts.

“Yeah.” Levi slumped forward, staring at the floor. His voice was barely audible over the rattle of
the carriage. “Said you needed a shot of pain to keep you conscious.”

The sudden mood change was surprising, and Erwin reached out again, hoping to console him. “It
helped. Thank you.”

Without looking up, Levi caught his hand and gently set it back by his side. “Don’t move around
so much. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Levi?”

He slumped deeper, his hair falling into his eyes.

“Levi.” Erwin studied him. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just … It’s so hard to see you like this. Wheezing every word, drugged up, in a chair. I should
have—” Levi’s breath shuddered. “I thought I was too late, that I’d have to watch that fucking
monster eat you, right in front of me.”

Erwin’s eyes closed as his heavily medicated mind painted images to match the words. He heard
the crunching sound of Henrik’s bones between the titan’s teeth, heard his scream, saw the blood-
soaked hand reaching for him … His throat tightened.

“Levi, I never want to hurt you like that.”

There was a pause, then Levi gave a soft, disgusted snort. “You were about to die, and you’re
worried about how I felt?”

Erwin opened his eyes. “You’ll have to mourn my death, one day. It shouldn’t be a scarring one.
I’ll try to make it easy on you.”

“What?” Levi finally lifted his head; his eyes were wide.

Erwin wanted to stop, but the drugs had a firm hold over his mind, and he couldn’t hold back the
words spilling out of his mouth. “When I die, I’ll visit you in a dream. To say goodbye. Papa did
that for me; told me he loved me. It helped with closure. I’ll stop to visit you before I enter hell.”

Levi looked uncomfortable, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not to engage in the conversation.
Finally, he said, “Didn’t think you’d be the type to believe in spirits and hell.”

Erwin rolled his head to look at the window. In the crack between the curtains, he could see the
moon, high in the sky.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s real,” he said softly. Whether the visit from his father had been real or not,
it had been what Erwin had needed. Even if it was just his imagination, it had been so real that it
had felt like a proper goodbye, one he hadn’t gotten in the waking world. He liked to think of his
father visiting each of the family members for a farewell, then dissipating into whatever afterlife
awaited them. The thought was comforting.

“Look,” Levi said, “stop thinking and get some sleep. You’re getting weird.”

Erwin barely heard him. The moon began to blur. No, comfort wasn’t the real reason he wanted to
believe in an afterlife. Not if he were honest with himself.

“Levi,” he said quietly, “there has to be something else after this life. There is nothing here that can
adequately punish me.”

“Erwin—”

“I just sacrificed one hundred and fifty lives. That’s only the beginning. There’ll be countless more
before I’m done; it’s the only way we can fight the titans. Sheer numbers. I’ll destroy so many
families. To them, I’ll be the monster who consumes their loved ones.” He swallowed a growing
lump in his throat. “An eternity of suffering must await me after I die. It’s my only fitting end.
Anything else would be unfair.”

He heard the makeshift bed creak as Levi sat upright. “Erwin, what the hell?”

“The families of the bereaved, when you returned—what were their faces? I selfishly left you to
face them. I alone should have faced their anger. Their grief. That’s my responsibility. You were
just following orders.”
Levi stared at him for a minute, mouth agape, then his face twisted. He stood.

“Levi?” Erwin asked, coming back to himself.

Levi ignored him. Bracing an arm against the ceiling, he moved toward the medicine bag sitting on
the bench. He threw the bag under the bench, so hard that it thudded against the carriage floor.

Erwin jumped.

Levi’s shoulders sagged, his back still turned. “I didn’t save your life to listen to you talk about
how much you hate yourself, you asshole.”

“You’re angry.”

“No shit.”

“With me?”

“No, I’m just angry .” Levi half-turned to face him, his brows pinched. “It’s not fucking fair,
Erwin. You’ve sacrificed so much for humanity, and what do you get? A titan crushing you half to
death, and people cursing you, and whining politicians trying to shut you down, and on top of it all,
you’re beating yourself up. I can protect you from the titans—maybe, when I’m in the right place
—but I can’t protect you from the people or the politicians. I don’t know how to say the right thing
or convince them to leave you alone. And—” He took a shuddering breath. “And I can’t protect
you from yourself. Not even when I’m sitting right next to you. You’re so deep inside your own
fucking head, I can’t reach you.”

Erwin’s heart sank. “Levi, come here.”

“Why? So you can talk more about dying, and how you deserve to suffer?”

“No. Please come here. It’s hard to speak loudly.”

Levi eyed him for a moment, then moved closer. He dropped to a seat on the makeshift bed and
leaned in. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Levi.” Erwin reached out, laying his palm against the slender neck. The muscles
tensed, at first, but as his thumb stroked the fuzz of the undercut, the muscles began to relax. “You
do get through to me. You protect me from myself all the time. You make me take breaks and
sleep when I’m working too hard. You talk me into taking meds. You bring me back to reality
when I get on morbid tangents.” He was losing his breath again, but he rasped the words anyway:
“I need you.”

The crease between Levi’s brows faded. Slowly, he leaned forward, until their foreheads rested
against each other. “Don’t talk about dying anymore, you asshole. I can’t take it. I … ” His voice
shrank. “Don’t leave me.”

Erwin breathed in. He could smell mint, and lemon shampoo. “I’m not going to die yet. I have too
much left to do.”

He heard Levi swallow, and then his head tilted until they met in a kiss. Their lips were still
chapped from the expedition, but the pressure was so gentle that Erwin’s heart began to race. They
kept the kisses shallow and slow, mouths open, breathing each other’s breath.

Then Levi pulled away. His pupils were large and soft in the dim lamplight. It was hard to tell if his
 eyes were damp, or if that was just a trick of the lighting.

“You okay?” Erwin asked quietly.

“I guess. You?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you need to sleep.” Levi pressed one more kiss to his lips. “If you need anything in the
night, I’ll be right here by your side.”

Erwin smiled. “And I’ll be by yours.”

Levi’s throat bobbed. He gripped the blanket that sat across Erwin’s lap and lifted it, tucking it in
around his shoulders. Then he lay down, the makeshift bed creaking as he settled into place.

Side-by-side, Erwin thought, his eyes closing. Both of us exactly where we belong.

He reached out a hand, and Levi accepted it, their fingers intertwining.

Chapter End Notes

(This chapter continues in chapter 23, which was posted at the same time as this one!
:)

A/N: I know syringes have strong symbolism in Attack on Titan canon, so I just want
to clearly state, for the record, that Erwin has *not* been injected with titan serum. All
syringes in this chapter are sedatives or opiates.

However, the parallels to what Eren went through are intentional, and will (subtly)
come into play later in the story.
 Sedate - Part 2

-23-

Sedate (Part 2)

Early the next morning, Levi wheeled Erwin into their hotel room. Though their room was on the
bottom floor this time around, it was an identical layout to the one they had stayed in during their
last visit. It was strange to look back on that time, when sex was only some distant future
possibility and they hadn’t yet admitted they were in love. So much had changed in a few short
weeks.

Levi pushed Erwin up to a table in the corner of the room and set his file folder in front of him,
then began to unpack. “How’s your pain level?”

“It doesn’t matter. I have to be completely clear-headed so I can focus.”

“You won’t be able to focus or talk properly if you’re in too much pain.” Levi shoved Erwin’s
clothes into a drawer. “I could give you a small dose—a half, or a quarter.”

“Quarter would be good. Thank you.”

Levi paused to get the dose ready, then administered it. Erwin was still wearing a short-sleeved
shirt and, under the blanket, loose-fitting pants. Levi frowned. “We have to figure out how to clean
you and get you into your uniform.” They might be able to lower him into the bath without putting
too much strain on his ribs, but pulling him out of it was going to be an ordeal, so a proper bath
was out of the question. “Think you can kneel without too much trouble?”

“Don’t worry about it, Levi. We’ll just comb my hair.”

“The sponge baths they gave you in the san weren’t enough.” Levi wasn’t sure how to tell him he
stank without being blunt. He lit the flames under the water heater, then began to hang their extra
uniforms in the closet.

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly.

“What?” He turned.

Erwin was staring evenly at him, his expression guarded. “About last night, in the carriage … The
kinds of things I was saying … ”

“It’s okay. You were drugged up.”

“Still, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Erwin.” Levi put his hands on his shoulders. “Save your breath for the brass. You don’t have to
explain yourself to me. It’s fine.”

Erwin gave him a gentle smile in response. “Thank you, Levi.”

“Sure. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Once the water was warm, he gently eased Erwin out of the chair. Undressing him was a three-part
process: undress the lower body, help him kneel in the bathtub, then pull off the shirt. Raising his
arms made Erwin cry out, and Levi’s throat tightened. The bruising had spread even further than
before, and was deep blue and black. He could see two distinct bands, shadows of the pressure
from two titan fingers. You poor bastard. No wonder you’re in so much pain.

“ I didn’t realize it was that bad.” Erwin studied himself in the mirror.

“Fuck.” Levi’s gaze travelled lower; a hip was badly bruised. “Is your hip hurt, too?”

“Feels like it.” Sweat was beading on Erwin’s temples.

“You okay?”

“A bit uncomfortable.”

“Let’s make this quick.” Setting his jaw, Levi crouched beside the tub and gently poured a bucket
of water over him. Even running water across the bruises was enough to make Erwin wince. You
poor, poor bastard.

Carefully avoiding the bruises, he wiped Erwin’s skin down with a soapy washcloth. There was so
much grime on him that the washcloth turned brown; he had to rinse it several times. The sponge
baths clearly hadn’t been thorough, but then again, there had been an overwhelming number of
patients.

Washing Erwin’s intimate areas felt perverse at a time when he was so badly injured. It’s just like
any other part of the body, Levi told himself over and over, washing his ass with the cloth. By the
time he had finished the back and was ready to start washing the front, Erwin was hard.

“Sorry,” Erwin said quietly.

“It’s fine.” Levi hesitated, looking up. “Did you want me to—?”

“No, thank you. Can’t handle heavy breathing or tensing muscles. Pain’s a bit distracting,
anyway.” Erwin’s cheeks were pink, his face solemn. “I’m sorry. I can wash it.”

“No, don’t strain yourself. It’s fine.” Levi lathered his hands and pulled down the foreskin,
carefully washing him clean. He worked his way down to the base, then washed between his thick
thighs. Though he kept mentally repeating the phrase like a mantra— it’s just like any other part of
his body— by the time the task was done, Levi’s pants were tight, and he silently cursed himself.
As much as his body might want attention, he wasn’t in the mood. He pressed a palm into his
groin, trying to shift it into a comfortable position.

“I’ll make this up to you,” Erwin said. “All of this. I’ll take you far away. Just the two of us, a
romantic getaway.”

Levi gave a soft snort. “When would we ever have time for that?”

“In the winter. During the holidays.” Erwin’s gaze lifted to meet his, solemn. “I know it’s a long
wait, but I won’t forget. We’ll make love day and night.”

A pleasant shiver ran down Levi’s spine, but he only said, “One thing at a time. Let’s get you
through this meeting first.”

He lathered the blond hair and carefully massaged the scalp. After rinsing away the suds, he patted
him dry with a towel.

With the bath done, he helped Erwin over to the toilet, then left the room so he could use it in
private, only returning once he heard a flush. By the time Erwin’s hands were washed and his teeth
were clean, Erwin was beginning to sway on his feet.

“I need to sit down.”

“What about your stubble?”

“Leave it. Shows that I’m fresh off the field.”

“Okay.” Levi led him to the bed and helped him to a seat. “Take a quick break, then we’ll dress
you.”

Fifteen minutes later, Erwin sat in his chair in uniform. His hair was neatly parted and combed, his
eyebrows smoothed. Levi pulled the bolo tie over his head and tightened it, then folded the collars
into place.

“There.”

“Good as it’ll get?” Erwin examined himself in the mirror, poking at the hollows in his cheeks. He
pulled down the skin under his eye and frowned. “My eyes are sunken. Bloodshot.”

“That’s from the morphine.” Levi stepped back, folding his arms over his chest. “You’re ready to
face those bastards.” His shoulders sagged just thinking about it. He had been so focused on getting
the expedition home, then looking after Erwin, that he hadn’t stopped to think about what this
meeting would entail: asshole politicians trying to find a reason to shut them down while Erwin did
his best to hold everything together. His emotions were so frayed that he wasn’t sure how he was
going to tolerate it.

His exhaustion must have been noticeable, because Erwin said, “Levi, I’ll be fine once I’m seated.
I know you hate meetings. Why don’t you go wander instead? Take an hour to yourself.”

“Don’t trust me to talk to the bigwigs?”

“Of course I do—in fact, your brand of blunt honesty is often what they need to hear. But you’ve
been through a lot and you’ve done so much. You deserve a break.”

“Thanks. That works well, actually.” Levi shrugged. “I was thinking I should check in on Farlan’s
sister while I’m here. Find out where my money goes every month.”

The kind gaze settled on him for so long that Levi knew Erwin was reading more into the words,
but all he said was, “You’ve lost a lot.”

“Everyone has.” Levi handed him the papers from the desk. But I didn’t lose you. He bent down
and kissed the tip of his nose. “Don’t let those assholes push you around.”

One corner of Erwin’s mouth lifted. “You know I won’t.”

“I know.” You’ll have them eating out of your hand.

The cobblestone road was bumpy beneath the wheels of the chair, and even though Levi took it
slowly, he was sure the jarring ride couldn’t be very comfortable for Erwin. As they approached
the courthouse, he stared at the stone steps, wondering how the hell they were going to get the
chair to the top of it.

The door opened, and Nile Dok stepped out. He waved at them and began to jog down the stairs.

“What’s Captain Shitbeard doing here?” Levi muttered.

Before Erwin could answer, Nile came to a stop in front of them. He looked down his nose at
them, but he looked sad. “Always knew this job was going to kill you one day, Erwin.”

Levi’s blood boiled. “The hell are you doing here, asshole?”

Erwin jumped in before the Captain could respond. “Thankfully, I’m not dead yet. I’d be gone for
sure, but Levi intervened.” His expression was probably supposed to be a polite smile, but it
twisted into a grimace.

Nile winced. “You look like hell. Zackly asked me to lead you around to the alley entrance to avoid
the stairs.”

“How kind of him. Levi, I should be good now, if you want to leave. See you in an hour?”

“Sure. Don’t let this Council lapdog drop you down the stairs.”

Nile’s brows rose. “Nice to see you, too, Levi.” He began to push the chair toward the side of the
building.

Levi watched until they disappeared around the corner, his jaw tight. Good luck.

Erwin shifted in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position. He was beginning to regret taking
such a small dose of morphine; the pain was going to be distracting.

“So your future Captain doesn’t have the stones for a little political discussion,” Nile said.

“Levi’s good at seeing through bullshit. I’d like him by my side. But the past few days have been
hard. Thought I’d spare him the stress.”

“You got fucked up really badly, didn’t you? Listen to you, gasping for air every few words.” His
tone was snide, but that wasn’t surprising. Nile had never been good at showing concern, and it
always came out sounding rude. Being Nile’s friend might have been what prepared me to
understand Levi so well.

The chair stopped; they were between buildings now, nothing but brick walls on either side. Nile
moved to the side of the chair and knelt down to Erwin’s level. His voice was low.

“I hear you’re getting mixed up with Sahlo.” He looked up and down the alley before he
continued. “Be careful. You can’t trust that snake. He’s already pressuring me to plant a spy among
those three transfers I’m giving you in January.”

That was interesting, given that Sahlo had Nile said was the one wanting a spy. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. I’ve gotta keep the peace with him, so I’m going to do it.” Nile’s gaze bored through him.
“Oluo Bozado. Kid’s a good soldier—bit of a prat, but good. Don’t hold this against him. I told
him some bullshit about being selected for a mentor review process, a special honour, all that, so he
has no clue what he’s actually doing. He and I will be sending letters back and forth on a regular
basis. Monitor his responses to me and you’ll know exactly what he’s passing on to us.”
“I see. Thank you.”

“You didn’t hear any of this from me.” Nile stood and continued pushing the chair along the path.
“Don’t know why the hell I’m putting my neck on the line for you.”

“You’re a good friend.”

“I guess.” Nile paused. They rounded the corner to the back of the building. “Oh, I almost forgot.
Marie got a big shipment of booze from her parents. Wanted me to invite you and Levi over for
drinks tonight.”

“I won’t be drinking, but I’d enjoy a visit,” Erwin said, his heart beating a little faster. “Not sure
about Levi. I’ll ask him.”

Nile frowned. “He doesn’t like me much, does he?”

“He doesn’t trust easily, and even when he does, he has a blunt way of expressing himself. It’s
nothing personal.”

“Well, he’s welcome, too, if he wants. Come by any time after seven.” Nile opened the door and
wheeled Erwin through; he pushed him up to the head of the table and then settled along the side,
next to Commander-in-Chief Zackly.

Zackly adjusted his glasses. “When I heard you were injured, Erwin, I didn’t realize it was this bad.
If I’d known, I would have recommended you take a few days to recover.”

“I appreciate your concern, sir. I hope you’ll excuse my laboured speech. This really couldn’t
wait.” He had been so intent on getting here that he hadn’t stopped to consider if his frequent
pauses for breath would dampen his charisma. As he looked around the table, he was pleased to
see expressions of pity and concern. Even Sahlo looked upset. Good. If they pitied him, they’d pay
attention.

“We’re just waiting on Lord Fromm,” Zackly said.

“Sir.” Erwin opened his folder, double-checking that his papers were in order. His mouth was dry
from all the medication; he should have thought to bring a water flask.

Fromm appeared a few minutes later, taking his seat across from Sahlo. Zackly gave a brief
introduction, and then Erwin had the floor. He sat as straight as his body would allow.

“As you’ve no doubt heard, the expedition ran into complications.” He did his best to speak
naturally, carefully regulating his limited breath. “In the weeks leading up to the expedition,
torrential downpour blanketed the southern districts of Wall Maria. This destabilized large swaths
of terrain. We managed to retrieve supplies from almost all the targets, but while returning to the
checkpoint from the penultimate silo, we encountered an unexpected sinkhole. Three of our carts
were mired in mud, just as several wandering groups of titans surrounded us. I’m going to walk you
through the numbers so you can understand the full impact of these events, as well as what was
recovered and what we learned.”

He paused as if for effect, subtly catching his breath. His head was spinning, and his ribs ached.
Now he really regretted not taking more morphine.

His eyes trailed across their grim faces, Sahlo’s last. The lord looked outright worried, and Erwin
felt a wave of confidence as he realized how well he had positioned himself. He talked me up in
order to push this expedition through faster. He thought he was screwing me over, but it backfired,
because now his reputation is at stake as much as mine . Their alliance was doing exactly what it
was supposed to do: Sahlo wouldn’t dare throw Erwin to the wolves while their two reputations
were so closely intertwined. His most outspoken opponent had been successfully silenced.

Feeling a burst of energy, Erwin began to discuss the supplies they had recovered and how they
would be utilized in the Wall Maria reclamation efforts. He carefully avoided any mention of the
tax chests they had left behind. Better that they didn’t know. He would cover the missing money
from his own personal accounts. The trust of the people in this room was much more valuable.

Next, he discussed the number of survivors. A murmur rose around the table.

“The numbers are painful to say aloud,” he said, talking over the noise. The room settled into
silence again, and he continued: “After the low casualties in the previous mission, I had thought we
were finally in a position to nearly eliminate the loss of life in Survey Corps expeditions. It is clear,
in retrospect, that I was overconfident. Pin it on rookie optimism: my projected deaths for this
mission were far too low.

“We can, however, learn a great deal from this. The losses were a scant 1-2% per day right until the
last day, which means our approach is, on the whole, working. What undid us was underestimating
the threat posed by mud and sinkholes. Now we know the threats these pose, and we’ll pay closer
attention to the weather in the future.

“At the end of the day, this mission was a huge step forward for the Survey Corps, and for
humanity as a whole. We learned to account for the weather to improve our survival rates, and we
gained a bounty of supplies. We are now in a good position to start laying a route to Wall Maria.”

“And how do you intend to do that?” Fromm asked, raising a bushy brow. “You only have fifty
people, most of them injured. You look like you’ll take months to recover, yourself.”

Sahlo leaned forward, folding his knotted fingers on the table. “This was always a multi-year plan,
Fromm. I explained this back when we approved this expedition: we can’t get to Wall Maria in one
attempt. It’s not a task, it’s a process.”

“We are still on track to take back Wall Maria within three years,” Erwin said, grateful for the
lord’s support. “In the short term, our approach will be two-pronged: familiarize ourselves with the
route and build our numbers. Smaller scouting missions will explore the planned recovery route,
seeking the best places to lay our supplies. We will also stage a small reclamation mission to gather
the supplies we missed from that last silo. Squad Leaders Levi and Mike Zacharias are our two
strongest soldiers, and their best subordinates are alive and well. They’ll do a fine job of laying the
framework for future expeditions.

“While this is happening, I’ll be working to recruit new, talented soldiers to bolster our numbers.
Ex-Commander Shadis and I have a good rapport, so I know he’ll be happy to work with us to raise
our profile with the trainees. In the meantime, our leaner rosters will mean less overhead,
something I’m sure the taxpayers will appreciate. Perhaps we can re-allocate a portion of the funds
we save toward a proper recruitment campaign.

“As well, as you may have heard, the general public is quite taken with Squad Leader Levi.
They’ve begun to call him ‘Humanity’s Strongest,’ and they’ve romanticized the rumours of his
journey from criminal to high-ranking soldier. I intend to make use of his growing celebrity to
encourage private investors to donate, perhaps through endorsements or appearances. We need
better weapons if we are to retake the wall. Private investment allows us to fund that without
putting a burden on you or the taxpayers. I’m sure you’d agree this is the best approach for
everyone involved.”
He paused to assess the mood of the room. The lords were nodding along. Erwin had expected a
backlash from the number of deaths, but at the end of the day, all they cared about was their
money. By addressing that concern, he had made them completely forget that three quarters of his
soldiers had died.

Revulsion was building in his throat, but he swallowed it back. He could lament their lack of
morals later. For now, he had to ensure that everyone in the room was on the Survey Corps’ side.

Levi glanced around the care facility. It was a square stone building with no windows. More like a
prison than a home. He frowned and double-checked the sign, making sure this was the right
place.

Stepping through the door, he approached the front desk. “I’m here to see Kristin Church.”

The clerk gave him a warm smile. “Sorry, sir, we weren’t expecting any more visitors for our
patients today. All visitors need to register in advance.”

“How the hell was I supposed to know that? I’m not from around here. My family sends her fees
by mail.” Levi’s skin crawled; he wished Erwin was here to sweet talk his way in.

The clerk looked taken aback. “I see. Are you family?”

“Her brother,” he lied.

“Then I think we can make an exception. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.” The clerk stood and
began to flip through a filing cabinet against the back wall. “My apologies, Mr. Church. I’m new
here, so I’m not too familiar with our clients yet. Let me look up her room number for you. Let’s
see.” She pulled out a file and began to leaf through it. “Ah, yes, Kristin has been a client of ours
for a few years now—oh.”

“What?”

“Ah. I—” She cleared her throat. “Excuse me for a moment.” Clutching the file to her chest, she
darted into a back room.

Levi could hear frantic whispering, and his stomach dropped. He already knew what had happened
before the clerk returned with a nurse in tow.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Church, but Kristin—” began the nurse.

“When?” he demanded.

“Four months ago. Pneumonia.” The woman’s face was gentle. “We tried to alert you that she was
ill, but the military informed us that Farlan Church passed away more than a year ago, and we had
no other contact names.”

Levi’s stomach twisted until it ached. “And you just kept taking my fucking money every month?”

“Well, we didn’t know where it was actually coming from, and it was benefiting many other
patients. Might you be interested in continuing to support us in her memory?”

Without saying a word, Levi turned and marched out the door.

His eyes stung, and his throat was tight. Maybe should have asked about the location of her grave,
laid a flower on it for Farlan’s sake, but what did it matter? They were both dead, and Erwin was
half dead, and one day, Levi would die, too. They were all dying: the majority of his squad, his
team before that, Isabel and Farlan, and Klaus and Matthias and every damned person he had ever
cared about. His vision was blurring, and he had the overwhelming urge to beat the crap out of
something.

He stopped.

A vent lay below his feet. The inside was too dark to see, but he knew where it led. He could smell
the stench of the Underground wafting up on damp, warm air. Sewage. Despair. It was familiar
and revolting all at once.

He stared. What would have happened if Erwin had died on the field, if he hadn’t gotten there in
time? Would he be standing at the top of a staircase now, preparing to descend into the life he had
once known? He had originally stayed in the military purely for him: he had seen Erwin as a
mentor figure, of sorts, someone to learn from. Was that still the only reason he was there? Was
Erwin the tiny thread connecting him to the Survey Corps, or was there more than that now? He
began to shiver as he thought of Mike, of Hange.

Were all his ties just people? That wasn’t enough. Lives were frail. I want to make sure all these
deaths mean something. That was the answer he had given Erwin when he had asked why Levi
stayed, but everyone died, especially in the Survey Corps. It didn’t matter what happened after they
were gone. Dead was dead.

He slowly crouched over the drain, staring between the rungs. I’m sorry, Farlan. I thought I was
taking care of her.

Far below, in the darkness, he saw a light. He squinted. A boy and a girl were walking hand in
hand, carrying a lantern. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she bumped him good-
naturedly with her shoulder, and the boy ruffled her hair in response.

He closed his eyes as memories came pouring back. He had always looked back on his time in the
Underground with bitterness, but it hadn’t been all bad. There had also been a sense of community,
a sense of belonging. The people there were trapped both by the titans and by a corrupt system, and
yet they still managed to find meaning in their miserable lives.

That was what kept him in the Survey Corps, and would have kept him there if everyone he loved
had died. He wanted all of humanity to taste the freedom he had briefly tasted outside Wall Maria,
terrible and beautiful, vast and empty, limitless with possibility. Everyone deserved that
opportunity, even the people living beneath his feet in the world he had left behind. Hell, many of
them deserved it even more than the people living cushy lives above the surface.

It wasn’t just about making deaths mean something; it was about making every life mean
something, too. At some point, he had stopped valuing just his own life and started valuing
everyone else’s instead. I guess Erwin’s been rubbing off on me more than I realized.

When he closed his eyes, the pattern of the vent briefly glowed on his eyelids. He took several long
breaths, watching it fade.

The meeting was still in session when he arrived back at the courthouse. He slipped through the
doorway and took a seat in a chair along the side of the room.

Erwin sat at the head of the table, his chin high. His voice was gravelly and he had to pause for
breath every few words, but his audience still seemed to be paying attention. Levi felt a swell of
pride. Even half-dead, you have more life in you than anyone else in this room.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end as Levi became aware that someone was staring at
him. He shifted his gaze and met the eyes of Lord Sahlo. The lord quickly looked away, his jaw
quivering. Rage swelled in Levi’s throat. This was the man who had pushed Erwin to work himself
nonstop, who had forced them to rush the expedition. If only they had had more time …

“All right,” Zackly said. “I think we should adjourn here. Thank you for taking the time to come in
even under such grave circumstances, Erwin.”

“We’ll look forward to your proposal on recruiting and investors,” Sahlo added. “Only after you’ve
recovered, of course; please take your time. Though while you’re here, I have some suggestions
about how to approach the latter—if you’re okay to stay behind a few minutes, that is.”

“Of course,” Erwin said.

The men began to file from the room. Levi watched them leave, his lip curling into a sneer. Every
single one of them was a rich old man. Maybe if the Council contained a single person who didn’t
have limitless food and money, they’d get their priorities straight, and the poorer classes wouldn’t
be in such terrible shape.

Nile brought up the rear, signalling for the soldiers standing guard in the corners to follow him.
The door closed behind him, leaving the three of them alone.

“Levi,” Erwin said, looking at him for the first time since he had entered. “You’re welcome to join
this discussion, too.”

The losses he had experienced were snowballing together, and Levi found he couldn’t contain his
rage. “Good, because I have words for this pig.” He walked up to the table and dropped into a
chair. “I hope you listened carefully to the part about casualties, because every single one of them
is your fault.”

The lord flinched. “What?”

“Levi,” Erwin warned, but his rage was overflowing.

“Their blood’s on your hands. You were so eager to get your greasy paws on whatever funds we
could bring back that you pushed the expedition ahead too fast. If we’d been better prepared—”

“Levi,” Erwin said evenly, “Lord Sahlo controls neither the titans nor the weather. He’s not to
blame for our losses.”

Sahlo didn’t seem to hear him. He leaned forward, eyeing Levi. “You don’t trust me, do you?”

“No shit.”

“Funny, that. Your boss over there knows everything about me, and he seems to trust me just fine.
I’m an open book, and he’s read every page. But you … ” Sahlo folded his hands on the table.
“Both of you, boss and guard dog, men without real names, without pasts. I’ve been trying to learn
everything I can about you, and I’ve come up against some surprising walls. So why have you
decided that I’m the untrustworthy one here?”

“Walls aren’t surprising,” Erwin said. “The Underground isn’t known for its record-keeping.”

“True.” Sahlo’s gaze shifted to him. “But you certainly didn’t come from the Underground,
Commander. You don’t have that malnourished, weedy look about you. But Humanity’s Strongest
over here trusts you anyway, even though he doesn’t know a thing about you. I’d just like a little of
that benefit of the doubt myself.”

Levi’s blood boiled, but this wasn’t the time to lose his temper. He had complicated everything
enough already by speaking out. He bit the inside of his cheek.

“Lord Sahlo,” Erwin said, “The past is long over. Let’s look to the future instead. You have some
ideas for investors?”

“Yes.” The lord relaxed back into his chair, straightening his hat. “I’m not sure I agree with your
idea of using your dog as a showpiece. He’s a bit on the rabid side, wouldn’t you say?”

Fuck you, Levi thought, but there was nothing he could say without proving the lord’s point, so he
said nothing.

“What do you suggest?” Erwin asked.

“That I find you some sponsors. I have an extensive network of contacts through my shipping and
receiving company, and I’d be happy to start spreading tales of your people’s heroism and your
particular drive and intelligence.” He leaned back in his chair. “For a price.”

“A price?”

“You’re giving me half of your monetary findings going forward, right? And you want me to kick
eighty percent of that back to the Survey Corps. I’d like to hang on to a bit more. So how about
this? For every sponsor I find, you’ll let me keep a full percent more.” The lord smiled. “We
would, of course, agree on a baseline monetary value that a qualifying sponsor would be worth, in
order to make sure that you were ending up with more money than you would have gotten from my
one percent. I want this to benefit both of us.”

“I’ll consider it,” Erwin said. “We’ll assess our finances and, if we agree to move ahead with it,
we’ll submit a suggested baseline to you with your fund shipment.” He pulled a folded piece of
paper out of his file and slid it over to the lord. “This is the value of the shipment. We recovered
funds from all but one silo, so it’s a bit low, but close to what was expected. When we eventually
recover that last silo, we’ll ship the remainder to you.”

Levi cast Erwin a sharp glance. We’re missing the funds from two silos, not one.

“ A tidy little amount. Glad your people didn’t die for nothing.” Sahlo folded the paper and slipped
it into his front pocket. “I’ll make my eighty percent donation to you as soon as the funds arrive.”
He nodded. “Good day, Commander.” He glanced at Levi and gave a little sneer.

The door closed behind him.

Levi rocked his chair back on two legs. “You didn’t tell them we dumped a bunch of the tax
chests?”

Erwin’s gaze settled on him, cold and businesslike. “No, I had enough bad news for them as it was.
I’ll supplement the amount, for now—a loan I can pay back to myself once we recover those
chests.”

“So how are you going to keep him on our side when we stop doing expeditions that involve
money?”
“I have some ideas,” Erwin said, still staring at him.

Levi lowered the chair legs to the ground. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You know Sahlo didn’t have anything to do with the expedition’s failure, don’t you?”

Levi shrugged. “If he hadn’t been an asshole and rushed you, the ground would have dried, and we
might have outrun those last titans.”

“If we start wondering ‘what if,’ we can find a way to blame anyone. As distasteful as it may be,
Sahlo is our ally, and we have to treat him as such.”

“Well, I don’t trust him, and I don’t care if he knows it.”

“He knows it.” Erwin looked thoughtful. “It’s interesting that he was trying to test your trust in me.
I’m not sure what his angle was.”

“His angle was that he’s a jackass.” Levi stood. He gripped the wheelchair handles and began to
roll him toward the back door.

After a moment, Erwin said, “How’s your friend?”

“Dead.” Levi opened the door and backed through it, pulling the chair with him. “No more
monthly fees, at least. If you need help with money, I’m going to have a lot more now.”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said quietly. “Can I do anything?”

Levi’s stomach was twisting. “Maybe buy me a few drinks tonight. I don’t want to be sober right
now.” He didn’t know quite what he was feeling, but he knew it could be drowned with enough
alcohol.

“Nile and Marie invited us for drinks tonight after dinner, if you’re interested. Marie’s parents sent
alcohol from the bar; they need help getting rid of it.”

“I thought Nile hated you.”

He heard a smile in Erwin’s voice: “I told you, we have a complicated history.”

“Fine, let’s do it. Now stop talking. You already pushed too hard today. You’re wheezing so much
that it’s painful to listen to you.”

“It had to be done.”

“Well, sounds like it went well, at least. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m sure as hell glad
you’re on my side.”

They emerged from the side path and rounded the front of the building. One of the soldiers
patrolling outside the courthouse perked up and began to hurry toward them. Levi glanced up and,
recognizing her face, slowed to a stop. Not now.

“ What is it?” Erwin asked.

“Our new recruit.” Levi watched as Petra skidded to a stop in front of them.

“Commander Erwin.” Petra saluted. “Squad Leader Levi. Sirs.”

“At ease,” Erwin said. “What’s your name, soldier?”

“Petra Ral, sir. I was hoping to run into you.” Her eyes were shining, her cheeks pink. “I’ve
received word that I’ll be transferred to your division in January. I’m honoured to have received
your invitation. I’m excited to show the Survey Corps what I can do.”

Her enthusiasm made Levi’s throat tighten. That’s the same expression Isabel was wearing when
Farlan first introduced me to her. They’re about the same age, too.

“ Word is that your combat and teamwork skills are exceptional,” Erwin said. “I had the pleasure
of working with your uncle when I was a new recruit. I expect you’ll be every bit as useful to our
mission as he was.”

She smiled and gave a determined nod. “I won’t let you down, sir.”

“Good. We’ll see you in a few months.” He gingerly formed a partial salute, one fist on his chest.
She saluted back.

As they moved away, Erwin said, “She’s taken quite a shining to you, Levi.”

“What?” Levi asked, distracted. I can’t lead her into battle. I can’t throw her life away the way I
threw away Isabel’s. He felt his mood begin to teeter toward despair again, and he gritted his teeth,
annoyed that his emotions were so fragile.

“Those shy little glances, that blush—”

Levi’s mouth twisted. “I thought I told you to stop talking.” He paused. “Do you think she looks
like Isabel?”

After a pause, Erwin said, “It didn’t occur to me.”

“Maybe it’s just her mannerisms.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t know Isabel that well. Is this going to be a problem?”

“No,” Levi said, hoping it wasn’t. He couldn’t afford to associate his guilt with one of his soldiers.
He might get overprotective.

When they returned to the hotel, Levi helped Erwin take off his shirts, then gave him a proper dose
of morphine. Erwin’s eyes fluttered shut.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I need to sleep.”

“It’s fine. It’ll help you heal. I think I need a nap myself.” Levi wheeled him to the side of the bed,
then undressed and crawled under the covers.

“I wish I could crawl in next to you,” Erwin said. “Make love to you. Show my gratitude.”

“There’ll be time for that later.” Levi wondered how far away ‘later’ would be. With the extent of
his injuries, it was going to be a long time before they could have sex with any degree of energy.
Even the gentlest lovemaking was out of the question until he was through the worst of it. He
couldn’t even imagine sharing a bed with him—one wrong move in the night, and he might smack
Erwin’s injuries and aggravate them.

Thinking about that recovery time made him feel lonely. He reached out a hand and closed it over
Erwin’s. Their fingers interlocked, and he felt a little better.
Moments later, he heard slow, rasping breaths coming from the chair, but sleep didn’t find him so
easily. He lay staring at the ceiling, his mind pacing circles around Isabel, and Farlan, and the
sneer on Sahlo’s face.

That evening, they stopped at the hotel bar for a quick dinner, then headed to the Dok household.
Erwin, properly medicated now, seemed to be floating on a cloud of chemical happiness. He told
idle stories about nothing, pointing out facts about street lamps and cobblestone. Levi normally
would have enjoyed the chatter—it wasn’t often that he saw Erwin so relaxed—but he was still too
distracted by his unstable emotions.

They approached a two-story house with flowers in the windowsills. The door was adorned with a
metal knocker with the name Dok spelled in curly letters. Below it hung a plaque depicting three
characters holding hands: a man, a woman and a baby.

“Nauseating.” Levi’s lips flattened as he looked at Erwin. “ This is the life you used to regret
giving up?”

“Well, not exactly,” Erwin said, deadpan. “The letters would have spelled ‘Smith.’”

“Maybe we should get one of these for your bedroom door. Pretend we’re a family, give you a
taste of what you could have had.”

“Smith-hyphen-question mark, with a plaque showing two men stabbing a titan?”

“Brings a tear to my eye.” Wondering what sort of domestic hell he was about to enter, Levi used
the knocker.

A few moments later, the door opened, and a small child looked up at them. Levi stared into the
all-too-familiar blue eyes. “Holy shit.”

The child ran back into the house. “Mom,” he yelled, dragging out the word into several syllables.
“They’re here!”

Levi’s stare shifted to Erwin. There was no question about it: the eyes were identical.

“He’s Nile’s child,” Erwin whispered firmly.

“I didn’t say a word.”

The door opened wide and Marie stepped through, the child hiding behind her skirt. “Erwin, Levi!
Welcome.” She bent down to kiss Erwin’s cheek, then stepped back to look at him, pity in her
eyes. “You poor thing.”

“It’s nothing,” Erwin said with dismissive machismo that made bile rise in Levi’s throat.

“And Levi.” Marie surprised him by throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Nile
tells me you saved Erwin’s life. I’m so glad he has someone taking such good care of him. Thank
you for coming.”

Levi wanted to be annoyed, but her hug was warm and soft, and he found himself relaxing into it.
He had needed a hug more than he wanted to admit. “I hear there’s liquor.”

“Lots of it.” Marie pulled away, dark eyes sparkling. “You two come in and get settled in the living
room while I prep a few things in the kitchen. Nile will be down in a second—he just has to run
Jasper down the street to his aunt’s, and then he’ll join us.”

Levi looked around as they stepped into the house. The room was large, but simple, with wooden
floors and white walls. The furniture was all matching and stylish, and if it weren’t for a small
wooden duck near one wall, he wouldn’t have thought any children lived here at all. He subtly ran
a finger along a shelf. Clean.

Nile came down the stairs wearing a dress shirt and a vest that matched his pants. He nodded
briskly at them and, after a few standard pleasantries, departed with Jasper.

Levi’s skin crawled. Is that what this evening is going to be? Strained politeness? He hoped the
drinks were coming soon.

“Levi,” Erwin asked quietly, “I wondered if you might help me onto the couch? I’d rather spend
my evening out of the chair.”

Levi’s brows pinched. “You shouldn’t be moving around.”

“I know. I’ll stay there the entire evening. Been in this chair for so long that my ass is starting to
flatten.”

“We wouldn’t want that.” Giving in, Levi leaned over him and reached out his arms. “You lead.”

Getting him out of the chair took a few tries—he seemed to be stiffer and in more pain than he had
been that morning. Once they got him upright, Levi gently lowered him to the couch.

“How’s that?”

Erwin sank into the couch, gaze trailing across the room. “My ass is grateful to you.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Erwin smiled, but it seemed forced.

“Need more morphine?” Levi asked, even though he suspected what bothered him wasn’t physical.

“No. Thank you.”

Leaning closer, Levi lowered his voice. “Is it hard for you to be here?”

“A little.” A pause; Erwin’s eyes fixed on him. “I don’t regret anything. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Levi tucked away a stray strand of blond hair. “But I know you want a life like
this, deep down. Wish I could give it to you.”

Erwin raised a brow. “You’d be bored stiff.”

“Maybe. Wouldn’t know until I tried it.” If he were honest, it wasn’t all that different from the life
he had built for himself in the Underground, once upon a time. Sharing a military base with two-
hundred other soldiers wasn’t the same as having a private home. Well, I guess that’s only fifty
other soldiers now.

“ Levi,” Marie said, poking her head out of the kitchen.

He jerked away from Erwin’s forehead. “What?”

“Could I get a hand in the kitchen for a moment, please?”

“What the hell? You put your houseguests to work?”

She put her hands on her hips. “Well, ‘houseguests’ would show some manners, so you’re
disqualified. Get your ass in here.” She turned back to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “And
I saw you inspecting my dusting job, you asshole.”

Levi glanced at Erwin for support and found him grinning. “Shut up.”

As he was just stepping into the kitchen, he heard the front door open. He glanced back and saw
Nile take a seat across from Erwin. At least I don’t have to make small talk with shitbeard.

“ Here.” Marie slid a jar across the counter. “That thing’s sealed so tightly it’ll take Humanity’s
Strongest to open it.”

As Levi twisted the lid, his eyes wandered across the counter. Bottles and bottles of alcohol lined
the wall, some in bizarre shapes and tints.

She followed his gaze. “Yeah, we need help with all that. My parents own a bar, and they’re
always sending us odds and ends. We don’t entertain much since Jasper came along, so it’s
building up, and we need to clear it out as soon as possible.”

“I’ll do my part,” Levi said.

“Yeah, I bet you’ve had a rough week.” Marie pulled four glasses down from a cupboard. “Puts
things in perspective when I think I’m having a tough day, you know? Just thinking about what
you guys go through.”

The jar lid popped as he broke the seal. He turned to her, and found her staring into the bottom of
the glasses, her face distant.

“What?” he asked.

“Is Erwin okay?”

He slid the open jar to the side, then leaned back against the counter, arms folding over his chest.
“He’s fine.”

She looked up at him, genuine worry on her face. “He doesn’t look fine.”

“He just led his first mission as Commander and three-quarters of his regiment was wiped out.
He’s got four broken ribs and a lung injury. What did you expect him to look like?”

“That’s just it. I’d expect him to be broken down, or sad. He just looks … blank.”

Perceptive. Levi was still determined to be aloof around her, but she was slowly getting under his
skin. “We deal with it in different ways.”

“I guess.” She tilted the open jar over the glasses, filling the bottoms with a light layer of syrup.
“Erwin’s on morphine, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll make his without alcohol. You want a double, or would that be too strong?”
“I’ll drink it straight from the bottle.”

She smirked at him. “A man after my own heart, but let’s start with cocktails before we get to the
heavy drinking.” Selecting a couple bottles from her collection, she began to add more liquid to
each of the drinks. “I’m glad he has you, you know. I can tell a lot of emotion passes between the
two of you. If he’s pretending to be blank, he needs someone who can see through that and give
him the support he needs.”

Levi shrugged. “I guess.” The liqueur she was pouring smelled of citrus, one of his favourite
scents.

“I see the way he looks at you.” Her smile was sad. “Never saw him look at anyone like that
before.”

He shrugged again, but deep down, he felt a spark of pride.

She measured out shots of gin. “Does he still apologize after sex?”

Levi tensed. “What the hell?”

“Oh, relax. Who would I tell? Nile still wants to believe Erwin’s straight as a rod, and the nobility
here doesn’t give a shit about what some military wife has to say.” Marie leaned closer, raising a
brow. “How about the inappropriately intense pillow talk? I bet he still does that. ‘Now that we’ve
both come, let me tell you exactly how humanity’s going to go extinct one day.’ And then he just
fucks off to sleep and leaves you wide awake and stressed out.”

A little snort left Levi’s nose before he could stop it. He cleared his throat, trying to cover the
sound.

“Thought so.” Marie winked, then handed him a glass. “What do you think? Enough syrup?”

He took a sip. The gin was finer than he was used to, and it blended with the citrus flavours to
make a smooth, slightly sweet drink. “Not bad.”

“Good.” She grabbed two of the drinks, then nodded at the last one on the counter. “That’s
Erwin’s.”

They returned to the living room and found Nile and Erwin deep in conversation about a noble
Levi had never heard of. He settled into place next to Erwin and handed him his glass.

Marie sat by Nile and nudged him. He smiled and accepted his drink. Levi had never seen him
smile so warmly before. Maybe that asshole does have a nice side.

“ Well, since we’re all here,” Nile said, “Marie and I have an announcement: we’re moving back to
Stohess. Commander Williams is retiring at the end of the year, so they’ll be promoting me to take
his place.”

“Congratulations,” Erwin said, smiling. “I can think of no one better for the job.”

Levi studied Nile, trying to decide if this was a good or a bad thing for the Survey Corps. Nile did
have a rapport with Erwin, if a bit of a rocky one, so they might get extra access to police
information with him as Commander. On the other hand, his alliance with Sahlo made him
untrustworthy.

“Drink up, all of you,” Marie said. “We have a ton of alcohol to get rid of before we move.”
“Too bad we can’t play the old drinking games anymore,” Nile said with a grin. “Mike, Erwin, and
I would have been able to clear out that entire shelf in one night, back in the day.”

“Really?” Levi glanced at Erwin. From what he had seen, Erwin didn’t have a high tolerance.

“I was usually under the table when those two were barely getting started,” Erwin said, smiling.
“Even Anke could out-drink me.”

Levi studied Nile. “You’re telling me this scraggly-haired idiot can hold his liquor?”

Nile snorted. “Ha! You’re one to talk. You’re what, forty kilos soaking wet? I bet you’d be down
by your third drink.”

“You’d be plucking vomit chunks out of that shitty excuse for a beard before I even felt a buzz.”

“Is that so?” Nile swished the drink in his glass, as if considering. “Care to test that theory?”

Erwin glanced at Marie. “Should we stop this before it gets out of control?”

She shrugged. “There’s an awful lot of liquor to get through. Besides, Levi’s had one hell of a
week, and Nile deserves to celebrate. Might be good for them to cut loose a bit. You two can
always stay the night if things get too rowdy.”

“Hear that, Nile?” Levi said. “You have your drinking game.” He had been responsible and
controlled ever since his Commander had first fallen unconscious, and he was surprised by how
much he was looking forward to abandoning it all for a little while.

“I’ve never seen you plastered,” Erwin said, sounding intrigued.

“That’s because I don’t get ‘plastered.’” Levi drained the rest of his glass and slammed it down on
the table, welcoming what was about to come.

As the night progressed, Levi and Nile began to get louder, their discussions more animated. The
bravado between them escalated into a card game at the table, though they seemed to be spending
the majority of the time arguing about the rules. Erwin smiled to himself as he watched from the
couch. He enjoyed seeing this new side of Levi. It reminded him of the days when responsibility
had been a vague future possibility, when getting drunk and laid were the top priorities of his
classmates. He wondered if Levi had ever gone through that phase. Something told him Levi had
passed straight from his toddler years right into adulthood. Childhood was a luxury that
impoverished citizens couldn’t afford.

Marie returned from the kitchen with more drinks. She set two of them on the table, then settled on
the couch across from Erwin. “Haven’t seen Nile like this for a long time.”

“I’ve never seen Levi this drunk.” Erwin watched his exaggerated gestures, finding them
endearing. “He suffers so much. Never takes time to enjoy himself like this.”

“I’m sure he takes time to enjoy himself when he’s with you. Just in a different way.”

He glanced at her. She was cupping her drink with both hands, staring into the bottom of it, but
when she noticed him looking at her, she smiled.

“I’m happy for you, Erwin.”

The statement seemed ridiculous: his ribs were throbbing, as was his little finger, and his heart was
heavy with the burden of the expedition’s losses. “Really?”

“I mean, I’m happy that you found Levi. The two of you have something special.” Her face
softened. “I used to worry that you’d just keep chasing your goals, isolated and alone, getting
crazier and more miserable until you died. I’m glad you found someone to accompany you.”

“No, no, just listen,” Nile said loudly from the table. “I don’t mean, I don’t mean to be
disrespectful. But people shit from there. I’m just saying, doesn’t it smell?”

“Maybe yours does.” Levi’s speech was heavier than usual with the brash, growling accent of the
Underground. “Most people wash. Try that sometime. Especially if your ass hair is as scraggly as
your facial hair. Bet that holds the stink.”

Nile looked around, then leaned forward. His whisper was almost as loud as his yell. “You and
Erwin … ?”

“What?”

“You actually do that?”

“That’s private, shitfuck. Shut up and play your hand.”

Marie shook her head and took a sip of her drink. “I guess Nile’s getting a bit of sex education.”

“I doubt he’ll remember it, anyway,” Erwin said. “Sounds like Levi’s winning this competition.”

“Maybe.” Marie winced as the men’s voices began to rise in volume again. “If they get any more
obnoxious, I’d say we’re the ones losing. Fuck, they’re loud.”

He chuckled and stretched his back a little, trying to get more comfortable. Pain shot through his
torso. He winced.

“Painkillers wearing off?” she asked.

At the words, Levi rotated to face them. “Holy shit, Erwin, s’been hours. You should’ve said
something, you stupid, stubborn asshole.”

“We’ve only been here three hours,” Erwin said. “I don’t think you can use a syringe right now,
Levi. You can’t even blink properly.”

“I’ve used them in worse.” Levi stood, then swayed, clutching the back of the chair to keep his
balance. “Fuck.”

“Ha!” Nile said, jumping to his feet. “What’s the matter, can’t handle— Oh shit.” He tipped
sideways, then slowly, slowly sank to the floor. “Marie … ” he whimpered, rolling onto his back.

“Oh god.” Marie marched over to him. “Serves you right for taunting him.”

“Sick of cards, anyway.” Levi staggered over to Erwin and sank onto the couch. “Where’s the
meds?”

“In the bag beside the couch.”

“Got it.” Levi slumped onto his side and began to slap his hand over the edge of the couch,
searching for the bag.
Across from them, Marie helped Nile to the couch and lowered him onto it. Nile began to laugh
wildly at nothing. She rolled her eyes. “Last time he was this drunk was right after you, Mike, and
Anke left.”

“Oh?” Erwin said, surprised.

“He was feeling guilty about deciding to join the MP and leaving the rest of you to the Survey
Corps. Tried to find solace in the bottom of a bottle.”

“ You were feeling guilty,” Nile slurred, flopping against her shoulder.

She patted his thigh. “Of course, dear. Now close your eyes and try to sleep this off.”

“But Levi’s two drinks ahead.”

“And I’m still sober.” Levi sat upright, swaying, and began to fumble through the medicine bag.

“I can do that.” Erwin reached over to take the bag from him. He could already envision a vial of
morphine smashing on the hardwood floor.

Levi coached him through filling the syringe, then took it from him. The slender brows pinched
with concentration, and for a moment, his hand was perfectly steady.

Even when he’s drunk out of his mind, he can still perfectly control his body with a bit of focus,
Erwin thought, impressed.

“Done.” Levi handed him the empty syringe. Erwin capped it and tucked it into the pocket with the
others.

Across from them, Nile, still slumped against Marie’s side, began to snore.

“Looks like you win, Levi.” She stood and lowered Nile to the couch. “I’ll be right back. I’m going
to get everyone some water.”

“Bring more gin,” Levi said.

Once she was out of the room, Erwin squeezed Levi’s knee. “I’m a bit jealous I’m not drunk with
you. Might be fun to be drunken idiots together.”

His eyes narrowed. “You’re the idiot. I’m not drunk. Just sleepy.”

“You can lay your head on my lap if you like.”

“Okay. Just for a minute.” Levi stretched out on his back, gently laying his head in Erwin’s lap.
His eyes fluttered closed. “I want to drink more. It still hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“Death.”

Erwin smoothed a strand of hair off the high forehead. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Not your fault.” Levi’s voice was fading. “Erwin?”

“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you didn’t die. I love you.”

Erwin’s heart glowed, so strongly he thought it might combust. “I love you, too.”

Eyes still closed, Levi’s lips stretched into a warm smile, a full one that showed his teeth and
dimpled his left cheek. Erwin’s breath caught. He cupped his face, wishing he could hold that
smile in place forever.

“Huh.”

He looked up and saw Marie grinning at them from across the room. “‘Huh?’”

She set a couple glasses of water on the coffee table, then sat down next to her husband. “That was
unexpectedly adorable.”

Erwin looked down. Levi’s smile was already gone; his breaths were even. “He’s a lot sweeter
than his brash demeanour would suggest.”

“Well, that too, but I meant you.” Her eyes took on a wistful sheen. “You always hated that word.”

“What word?”

“Love. You flat-out refused to say it, and you’d get angry if I tried to say it to you.”

“Did I?” he asked, surprised.

“Of course. I made some rather angsty journal entries about it, and the ridiculous ways you’d try to
work around it: I care for you, I trust you, I carry you in my heart, all sorts of bullshit. I even got
one letter from you that spelled it l-u-v, as if that were something different.”

He honestly couldn’t remember any of it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We were just dumb kids. I created my fair share of drama, too.” She ran her hand
through Nile’s hair. “But everything worked out for the best, right? We’ve each got our grumpy,
drunken idiots, and you’re leading humanity’s hope, and I’m finally going to get out of this fucking
city.”

“You don’t like Mitras?” When they were younger, she had always wanted a fancy house in the
Capital.

She shook her head. “I have no friends here. It’s just me, Nile and Jasper. Everyone knows we’re
only here because of Nile’s position, and they’re snooty assholes about it.” She twisted a strand of
dark hair around her finger, looking thoughtful. “I don’t want my children growing up like these
people.”

“Children?” Erwin repeated, sensing it was more than a hypothetical.

She patted her stomach and gave him a shy smile. “You aren’t the only sober one tonight. We only
just found out. It’s a lot of change all at once, but I’m excited. And you should have seen Nile—he
actually started crying. I think he’s more excited about this than his promotion.”

“Ah. Congratulations.” He hesitated, the morphine lowering his inhibitions. “Marie, about Jasper
—”

“Don’t.”
“I can help pay for his education, maybe send some—”

“Erwin, don’t.” She held his gaze. “There’s more to that situation than you know. Besides, you and
I, we were a long time ago. None of it matters anymore.”

“I suppose it doesn’t.” He looked down at Levi, studying his peaceful features. “Sometimes I think
about how simple things were back then. The worries that seemed so large then are insignificant
now.”

“Do you miss the old days?”

“Sometimes.” He traced Levi’s eyebrow with his fingertips. Levi gave a small moan, shifting a
little. “Sometimes, I wish I could hide back there, when I wasn’t sending person after person to
their deaths, when I didn’t understand how precarious humanity’s survival really is. I wish I could
bring Levi back with me, and all of us could hang out in the bar and laugh about trivial things
together.”

His jaw tightened. But I have responsibilities now, and I can’t afford to shirk them. People are
counting on me.

There was so much left to do, so many steps to take, each one monumentally larger than the last.
First, he had to recover, then get more soldiers and sponsors, then recover the last of the supplies,
then, finally, push to Wall Maria. Even then, even if they somehow managed to reclaim the wall,
there was the larger goal of pushing beyond the walls. And every single one of those steps would
mean more lives lost under his command, more chances that he, Levi and everyone else would die.

His hand began to tremble, and he anchored it in Levi’s hair, but the panic that had begun to bloom
was already spreading through his body.

“Marie,” he whispered, “I pulled this man away from a sheltered life in the Underground, and now
he’s walking by my side, following me into the depths of hell. I’m terrified the flames that drive
me are going to consume him. I have constant nightmares that I turn into a titan and swallow him
whole.” He ran out of breath, gasping for air.

“Wow. Calm down. I just wondered if you missed telling stupid jokes in the bar.” Marie stood and
circled the coffee table. She crouched to his eye level, so close that he could smell her perfume.
“That big brain of yours always was so dramatic.”

He stared blankly at her, still fighting for his breath.

“Erwin.” She cupped his cheek, her face solemn. “Don’t live so far in the future that you forget to
live in the present.”

He considered her words, his breaths slowing.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you need to while Levi sobers up.” She returned to the other
couch to shake Nile awake. “Stay until morning, if you like.”

“Thank you, Marie,” he said solemnly. “I appreciate your company and your hospitality.”

“Of course. Goodnight.” She smiled and hoisted Nile to his feet. Nile’s blink was uneven, and he
didn’t seem to know where he was. “Come on,” she said, carefully leading her shuffling husband
toward the stairs.

Erwin looked down at Levi, stroking his brow. Levi stirred and gave a small moan.
“You awake?” Erwin asked.

“Huh?”

“Think you can walk?”

“Should be,” Levi said, and then he began to snore.

Settling in, Erwin leaned his head back against the couch. It wasn’t quite as easy on his ribs as the
wheelchair, but he had missed being this close together. One night of discomfort would be worth it.

He rested a hand on Levi’s chest, savouring the warmth of the contact. He really did spend too
much time with his head in the future. Levi helped him value the present, too.

You protect me from myself.

The road ahead was long, and increasingly difficult, but they were together, and they were alive.

Here, in the present, that was enough.

 Present
Chapter Notes

First of all: this chapter is sort of an interlude to close out Part II, a little piece to act as
a break/diversion from the stress of the main plot. Because of that, this chapter is light
on plot, and VERY heavy on smut and silly fluff -- as in, I'm a bit embarrassed about
how much smut is in it. If you're reading this fic straight through, you'll probably
notice this chapter completely grinds the pacing to a halt, haha. But I enjoyed writing
it, and I think the boys deserve a bit of fun after all they've been through so far, so up it
goes. :)

I'll start publishing Part III around the end of January, if all goes according to plan.
This seemed like a natural place to take a little breather before I dive back in to tackle
Parts III & IV.

---------

Secondly, I wanted to give a shout-out to two awesome people who made lovely fan
art for the last couple chapters!

(*) tsukinoyoukai made this beautiful illustration of Erwin's heavily drugged slip-up in
Chapter 22: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/106478384296/ (guhhhh, Levi's
reaction is perfect!)

(*) trashyoldmen drew an adorable follow-up to the door knocker scene in Chapter 23:
http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/106659346226/ (I laughed so hard & with so much
obvious delight that my husband came into the room, and then I had to explain the
whole scene to him...)

Thank you, both, for these lovely pieces!!! I am so honoured that you took the time to
draw these. *big huge hugs~*

---------

Finally, I've put some notes at the end of this chapter about Christmas and my theories
about the SNK timeline, etc. Only for the people who are wondering what the hell I'm
thinking. ;)

All right, enough rambling, sorry! Thank you for reading, and big hugs to everyone
who has been taking the time to comment, akjsdlfj;asf! <3

---------

Previous chapter: A stubborn, injured Erwin goes to Mitras with Levi to sort out the
political aftermath of the expedition. Levi discovers an unfortunate truth about Farlan's
sister, and the duo ends up spending a memorable night with the Doks. (At least,
Erwin's going to remember it. Not sure about Levi...)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

-24-

Present

“I can’t believe this is the last time the five of us will be hanging out like this,” Berit said.

“You’re welcome to come back and visit whenever you like.” Erwin drained the last of the
whiskey and then slid four full glasses across the coffee table. The Squad Leaders each took one.

Berit sipped the amber liquid. “Never thought I’d make it out alive.”

The others were silent.

Erwin leaned back into the cushions, his stomach and mind glowing. He and Levi sat on one
couch, while Berit, Hange and Mike sat on the other. The lamps were low, and even though it was
still afternoon, it was already dark outside. Through the window, he could see large snowflakes,
glowing orange from the lights in the yard. Nostalgia kindled in his stomach, faint, but warm. No
matter how old he got, this time of year always had him reflecting on the past, good and bad.

Alcohol was good for drowning that. He stood.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked.

“We need another bottle.” Erwin squeezed his shoulder, then walked over to the cabinet in the
corner.

“Sit down. I’ll get it for you.”

“Levi, I’m fine.” In spite of the assurance, he could feel Levi’s eyes trailing him. Erwin’s recovery
from his injuries had been a slow process, complicated by constant re-injury that had probably, in
retrospect, been his own fault. Still, it had been nearly a full month since he had last discarded the
final artifact of his injuries: his cane. Though he still tired easily, he had been training in the yard
and the gym nearly every day, working hard to get his strength back. He was determined to be
ready for the field by the time the ground thawed in the spring.

Levi didn’t seem quite so optimistic. In the long months of his recovery, Levi had been keeping a
watchful eye over him, making sure he got enough sleep, did his physiotherapy exercises, and
didn’t push himself too hard. For the most part, the concern was endearing. Sometimes, however, it
was overbearing, and Erwin had stopped telling him about the occasional twinges or aches he got
on his wounded side—though he had a feeling Levi could tell when he was hiding them, anyway.

As he reached for the top shelf, he felt one of those twinges, a sharp pain as if someone had
punched him in the side. He breathed calmly through it, retrieving the liquor bottle. The doctors
had suggested the one badly fractured rib hadn’t healed properly and probably never would. He
hoped they were wrong. An unexpected twinge on the battlefield could cost him his life.

He returned with a bottle of brandy. “My apologies, everyone, I’m out of whiskey.”

“Anything is good,” Mike said, pink-cheeked after consuming the majority of the previous two
bottles.
In the background, the clock struck five.

“Shit,” Levi said. “The carriage will be here in half an hour.”

“Already?” Erwin settled next to him and poured himself a small glass.

“So now that it’s just the five of us,” Hange said, “can you tell us where you’re actually going?”
The cover story had been that the duo was heading to the Capital, where they would go their
separate ways to visit family and friends for the holidays.

Levi scoffed and poured himself a full glass. “Good luck. He won’t even tell me .”

“Somewhere far away,” Erwin said, “where no one will recognize us.” He leaned close to Levi and
nuzzled his ear, whispering only loudly enough for him to hear: “We’ll be able to do absolutely
anything we want with no consequences. I can fuck you against a tree, or behind a building, or on a
park bench, without fear of ruining our reputations.”

A shiver ran through Levi’s body. “What the fuck, Erwin?”

“What’d he just say?” Hange asked. “Mike?”

Mike snorted. “I can’t smell words.”

Berit’s nose wrinkled. “I don’t think it was meant for our ears.”

Levi downed half his glass as if it were a shot. “He said he’s a creepy old man who’s abducting me
to who-the-fuck-knows where, and he’s going to act out and get us both arrested.”

“Mike knows where we’re going,” Erwin said, “in case of emergency. Trust me; the journey will
be worth it.” He kissed Levi’s earlobe, then his neck, then tried to pull him onto his lap. Levi
frowned and pushed him away.

“It’s like you have seventeen goddamned arms, you pervert.”

“I might have had a little too much to drink,” Erwin admitted.

“Okay, ease off, lovebirds,” Berit said. “If you get in the habit of groping each other during officer
meetings, you’re just going to scare off whoever replaces me.”

“We have to get everything ready to load onto the carriage, anyway.” Erwin finished his drink,
then stood. “The three of you are welcome to stay here as long as you like. Help yourselves to any
of the alcohol in the cabinet. And Berit.” He knelt in front of the seated woman, bringing himself to
her eye level. “It’s been a pleasure to work with you. I know you and Shadis will work wonders
with the upcoming generations of trainees.”

She nodded and shook his hand. “The wedding invitation will be on your desk when you return. I
hope you can attend.”

“I’d be honoured.”

The group exchanged their seasonal greetings, and then Erwin and Levi stepped into the hallway.

“You’re like a fucking centipede when you drink,” Levi muttered. “Crawling all over me with too
many limbs.”

“Are you complaining or bragging?”

“Bit of both.”

“I see.” They arrived at the door to Erwin’s room. He pulled Levi through and shut it behind them,
then bent down to give him a long, slow kiss. When he pulled away, Levi’s lids were low, a faint
flush on his cheeks.

Erwin ran his thumb along the moist lower lip. “I thought maybe you were complaining so much
because I was teasing you without following through.”

“Shit,” Levi breathed. He caught the Commander’s pendant and pulled him down for another kiss.
“We don’t have time.” Their foreheads rolled against each other.

“And I probably drank too much to be useful.” Erwin closed his teeth over the lower lip and gently
tugged, then let it fall away. “If you can hold off until the carriage, I’ll take care of you.”

“Sure, that works.” Levi released the bolo tie and stepped back.

“Not complaining about my roving hands anymore, are you?”

“They’re not so bad in private.” There was a twinkle in his eyes, an almost-smirk on his lips. He
turned and left the room.

Erwin took a slow breath, then turned to gather the last of his things. He slipped a small bottle of
oil and a handkerchief into his jacket pocket, just in case he needed them during the ride.

He enlisted the help of two young soldiers in the hallway, who were more than happy to carry their
Commander’s trunk while he slowly worked his way down the stairs to the courtyard. He kept his
head high and his stance natural, but his body was still remembering how to move without the help
of a cane, and he ran out of breath by the bottom. Trying not to be discouraged—he’d get his
fitness back eventually—he stepped outside.

Snow dusted the ground, and at the centre of the courtyard stood Levi. Erwin stopped in his tracks,
struck by Levi’s strange beauty. Snowflakes landed on the long, dark eyelashes, and puffs of air
from his nose and lips floated around him like smoke.

Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Ribs bothering you again?”

“No, just distracted.” Remembering himself, Erwin helped him load the trunk into the luggage
compartment.

The inside of the carriage was chilly, and Erwin turned on both lamps. Levi settled onto a bench
next to him, and they shared a large fleece blanket.

“First stop is the Capital,” Erwin said. “This driver thinks we’ll be going our separate ways there,
but we’ll switch to a private transport company after that. I used fake identification, so we’ll be
untraceable.”

Levi snuggled closer to his torso, nudging his way under Erwin’s arm. “You went to a lot of effort,
setting all this up.”

“I promised you a romantic trip.” He buried his face in the dark hair, breathing in. “This is
probably the only time we’ll have an opportunity to do something like this. Everything lined up
perfectly. Everyone knows I’m still recovering, so a trip out of the city will seem natural for stress-
reduction reasons. The recruiting initiatives are all in full swing, but it’s too early to gauge the
results, so there isn’t any real work I can do at home, which means I can travel without guilt. Most
of the investors are distracted by Christmas, and the ground’s frozen so solidly that we can’t scout.
Nothing is critical in terms of political manoeuvring, and the titans have been quiet. There will
never be a better time to get away.” He closed his eyes. “I want to have at least one memory like
this, one I can treasure in dark moments: the two of us pretending, just for a week, that we’re
normal people with normal lives.”

“You’re getting morbid again.”

“I know.” Erwin kissed the part in his hair. “I’m already dreading it ending.”

“It hasn’t even started. Don’t miss the whole thing because you’re too busy worrying about it
being over.” Levi turned to face him, his expression solemn. “Every day we’re there, that day is all
that matters, okay? No looking ahead, no working. Think you can do that?”

“I’ll do my best.” Erwin thought of the paperwork he had sneaked into the trunk. I’ve forgotten
how to relax, he thought, followed by, did I ever know how?

Levi straddled his lap and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. Their gaze held, so intense that
Erwin felt a shiver run down his spine. The snowflakes had melted, leaving tiny water droplets on
Levi’s eyelashes and hair that sparkled in the lamplight.

Levi searched his eyes. “You’re really fucking beautiful, you know that?”

Erwin smiled. “I was just thinking the same about you.”

Their lips met. Levi shifted closer, their abdomens pressing together. Erwin ran his hands down his
back, feeling the gear straps, the thin fabric of the dress shirt, the shifting muscles beneath it. One
palm ran down Levi’s spine, then lower.

The kiss broke. “I believe I promised you something more than this, Levi.” He patted his ass.
“Why don’t you sit facing the other way?” He had originally hoped to use his mouth, but the
carriage was rattling more than usual over the frozen ground, and he didn’t want to think about
what would happen if they hit a frozen pothole. Hands were safer.

Levi turned his back and sat, then adjusted the blanket over them. Erwin pulled the oil out of his
jacket pocket. He kissed the back of Levi’s neck, then began to suck the skin, pinching it with his
teeth.

Levi’s head tilted, giving him better access. “You’re going to leave marks.”

“It doesn’t matter. Not where we’re going.” Erwin ran his tongue to Levi’s jaw, then ear, then
traced the groove down the back of his neck. His teeth pinched the skin again, and Levi ground
back against him.

“I love it when you squirm.” Erwin groped his chest with his free hand, then worked his way down
to the belt buckle. His mouth kept working at Levi’s neck, and now he could hear soft pants and
moans. He finished unbuckling the belt and reached under the waistband. The first contact of skin
to skin was so warm that they both let out a small groan.

“Here.” Levi undid his fly and pulled himself out of his pants.

Erwin slicked one hand, then set the bottle aside. He wrapped the hand around Levi, one finger at a
time. The other hand nestled between Levi’s legs. His fingers traced the soft, wrinkled flesh,
enjoying the texture of the hair there. He’s more swollen than usual. It must have been a couple
days.
“ Erwin,” Levi gasped.

Enjoying his impatience, Erwin began to stroke with maddening slowness.

“What are you doing?” Levi tried to thrust harder into his hands.

“I suppose I’m still in a teasing mood.” Erwin slowed his movement even more. “We have a long
trip ahead of us, so there’s no need to rush.”

Levi gave a noise that was almost a whimper. “I was too busy packing for the trip to jerk off this
morning.”

“That’s not my fault. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get off. Eventually.”

“Sadistic bastard.” Levi squirmed back against him. “I want it hard.”

Erwin’s tongue traced the border of his ear. “I’ll give it to you hard when we get to our destination.
Maybe I’ll warm you up with my fingers, then fuck you against the wall.”

Levi gasped and tried to thrust into his hand. Erwin moved with him, making sure he didn’t get any
extra friction. He bit his earlobe, his hand still:

“Or maybe I’ll ask you to pin me to the bed and take me hard.”

“Erwin, move your fucking hand.”

He obeyed, still moving slowly. “I want you so deep inside me that I can taste you when you
come.”

“Fuck!” Levi writhed against him.

Liquid dripped down Erwin’s knuckles. “Shit,” he whispered, unable to restrain himself. “Getting
close already?”

“I would be, if you’d go faster.” The small body was starting to tense.

Erwin pulled his hands away, and Levi let out a loud groan.

“For fuck’s sakes, Erwin—”

“I just need to reposition myself. Stand up for a second.” He slid out from underneath Levi and sat
him on the bench, then moved the blanket aside so he could kneel between his legs. His hands
found their former positions and he began to move again, faster this time.

Levi looked down his nose at him, mouth open, cheeks flushed. Erwin had intended to keep his
mouth safely away from the delicate area until the last minute, but that look and the trailing liquid
were too much for him. He leaned forward to suck the tip, and he immediately regretted not doing
it sooner.

“Fuck!” Levi’s hand raked into Erwin’s hair as he slouched down the bench, trying to encourage
him to go deeper. “Fuck, I’m going to—” He cried out and his back arched, his head tossing back.
Erwin pulled him into his throat and swallowed, relishing every pulse.

Then Levi sagged against the carriage wall. Erwin swirled his tongue gently around him a few
times, then tucked everything back into his clothes and did up his pants. Once every button and
belt was in place, he nuzzled the inseam, breathing in. Something about the scent of fabric and
laundry soap mixed with Levi’s natural scent was soothing to him.

“Are you sniffing my crotch again?” Levi asked, his voice gravelly.

“My nose was cold, and this cloth is nice and warm.”

He felt a hand stroke his hair, clumsy. “Come up here. I’ll warm it up.”

“One more minute.” Erwin nuzzled his inseam, hands roving from his knees to his hips and then
back again. Content, he shifted back to the bench. Levi huddled against him, wrapping the blanket
around them again.

“Fucking tease.” Levi kissed the tip of his nose. His lips were warm and smelled of alcohol.

“I’ll be more cooperative during our next encounter.” Erwin raised a brow. “Or perhaps I’ll tie you
to a chair and be even less cooperative.”

Levi nipped his nose. “Power-tripping asshole.”

“Only on special occasions.”

“You’re the only person I’d let get away with it.” Levi’s arms settled around him, the dark head
resting against Erwin’s chest. Erwin tried to shift to get more comfortable, but his injuries were
aching from the hard seat. He had been too busy to notice before.

“Would it be all right if we lay down now?” he asked.

“Getting tired?”

“A little. It might be warmer, too.”

Levi pulled away, but if he guessed Erwin’s real motivations, he said nothing. They worked
together to lock the bed into place, and then lay down, spooning together, their hands interlocking.

Levi pulled Erwin’s hand to his mouth and began to kiss the knuckles one at a time.

“You’re affectionate tonight,” Erwin said, closing his eyes so he could focus on the sensation.

“Well, I just came, so I’m feeling cuddly. And we haven’t had a chance to relax like this for a
while, with all the scouting and meetings with investors and everything.”

“I suppose that’s true. That reminds me: we’ll be stopping in Stohess on the way back. There’s a
New Year’s gala I want you to attend. Many prestigious potential investors will be there, and I’d
like to show off Humanity’s Strongest to win their favour.”

Levi gave a disgusted scoff. “Do I have to say anything?”

“No, just stand there and look pretty. Maybe perform an arm wrestle or two to put on a bit of a
show.”

“Fine. Nile and Marie going to be there?”

“I expect they’ll be busy with the new baby.” Erwin closed his eyes. “Might be nice to visit them
while we’re in the area.”

Levi made another disgusted noise. “Last time I was hung over for two fucking days.”
“If only there had been some way to prevent that from happening, such as not challenging Nile to a
drinking contest.”

Levi shook his head. “Asshole.”

“Too cheeky?”

“Nah, I like when you’re a brat. Means you’re relaxed.” Levi awkwardly rolled to face him while
staying close enough to avoid falling off the edge of the narrow bed. “When are you going to tell
me where we’re going?”

“Now’s as good a time as any.” Erwin kissed the wrinkle between the slender brows. “We’re going
to Utopia district, in the north. A resort in a small hot spring town. We’ll be in a cabin with our
own private bath filled with piped-in hot spring water, a fireplace, and a wide bed stuffed with
goose down. There’s a fine restaurant where we can dine, a ballroom for dancing, and a snow-
filled park lit with festive lights for the season.”

“Holy shit.” The wrinkle deepened. “How much did you spend on this?”

“Only what I could afford.”

“For your birthday, I bought you a sweet cake,” Levi muttered.

“And I enjoyed it very much. This isn’t just a birthday trip. It’s also Christmas, and a celebration of
my recovery.” Their foreheads rested together. “It’s also an excuse to make love to you every way
I can think of without being distracted by work. I’m looking forward to walking around hand-in-
hand with you, like a couple who has nothing to hide. We’ll need to use pseudonyms, of course, but
everything else will be honest and open.”

Levi was quiet for a moment. “I’d say ‘thank you,’ but that sounds kind of shitty and small
compared to all this.”

Erwin paused for a yawn so strong that his eyes watered. “There are other ways you can thank
me.”

“Yeah, I have some ideas.” A pause. “You really want to fuck me against a tree?”

“The idea is nice, but it’ll probably be too cold.” His eyelids were heavy. “I just like the idea that
we could do it and not worry about scandal.”

“It’s still illegal if civilians have sex in public, you know.” Levi edged closer, snuggling under his
chin. His breaths were soft and warm against Erwin’s collarbone.

“Hm,” Erwin said, unable to manage anything further.

There was a pause, then he felt a kiss on his throat. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk more in the
morning.”

He smiled, and then he was drifting, drifting …

“I don’t think you understand, Commander, exactly how deep I go.”

Erwin lifted his head. He sat at a table opposite Sahlo, a chessboard between them. How did I—?
Sahlo pushed forward two pawns, and Erwin vaguely understood that he was cheating, but he
couldn’t recall the proper rules.

“Past, present, future,” Sahlo said. “We control them all. You understand that you know nothing,
so you’re smarter than most, but you don’t know just how deep that nothingness goes. You are
empty. We can drain you and fill you back up again in an instant.”

The lord thrust all his pieces forward with both hands, steamrolling over Erwin’s pawns, his
knights, his rooks. The bishops fell last. The queen and king teetered, but stayed upright.

“Enough,” Erwin said, his blood boiling. “I refuse to play with you if you’re going to cheat.”

“Ah, but Erwin, you know as well as anyone: only those who play outside the rules have a chance
at winning the game.” The lord looked up, a sickening grin smeared across his lips. “A king is so
weak on his own, don’t you think? He’s only as strong as the pieces around him. The only way to
undo him is to defeat those pieces, one by one.” He reached forward, flicking over the queen.
“We’ll save Levi for last. We’ll make him watch as we strip you down to nothing. He’ll know he’s
your downfall, and his last thoughts will be about how he let you down.”

Rage flooded Erwin’s heart, so strong that he no longer cared about positioning, or long-term
strategy, or even the law. He drew his sword, lunged forward and swung the blade at Sahlo’s
throat.

Just before it made contact, Sahlo’s face flickered, then became Levi, but it was too late to stop the
blow’s momentum, too late, too late …

The blade clattered to the ground. Erwin sank to his knees, Levi’s blood dripping from his hands.

“He will be your downfall,” Sahlo’s voice boomed, “and you will be his.”

Levi’s eyes widened, his face losing colour, his lips mouthing Erwin’s name—

Erwin sat up, breathing hard.

Levi sat on the bench against the back of the carriage. The curtain was open, the moonlight
colouring his skin a deathlike shade of blue. Their gaze held for a moment, then Levi turned to
look out the window again. “You okay?”

Erwin raked his hands through his hair and hunched forward. The night air was chilly against his
damp skin. “Shit.”

“Same here,” Levi said quietly. “Was it the one where you turn into a titan and eat me?”

“No. A new one. I tried to strike down Sahlo and slit your throat instead.” He squeezed his eyes
shut. “I’ve made you too important to me. What if he—”

“Don’t. It’s just the dream fucking with your head.” Levi nodded at the bench next to him.
“Sometimes helps to get out of bed, leave the memory of it behind for a bit.”

Erwin brought the blanket as he settled into place beside him and looked out the window. The
moon was bright, the arc of stars almost as clear as it would be if they were outside the walls.
“Beautiful night.”
“Yeah.” Levi shifted closer to him; he was shaking.

“Dreaming about the old days?” Erwin draped the blanket around both of them, even though he
was certain the shaking had nothing to do with the temperature.

“I guess. Farlan and Isabel.” His voice was quiet. “This time, when I attacked you, I didn’t hesitate.
Felt the blade slice through your neck.” He rested his cheek on Erwin’s shoulder. “The terrifying
thing about it is that it almost actually happened.”

“You were never going to kill me.”

“I guess.” Levi shook his head. “Look at us. First night away on a romantic vacation, and we
dream about killing each other. What a couple of sad, morbid fuckers.”

They sat quietly against each other, and gradually, Levi’s trembling faded. Erwin traced patterns
along the silhouetted tree tops they passed, feeling the bumps in the road, the warmth of Levi’s
body against his. The nightmare’s grip on his stomach relaxed, then vanished.

“We’re going to need fake names,” he said, clinging to a cheerier topic.

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking I might go with Helmut Adler.”

“Helmut.” Levi pulled away to look at him. “You don’t look like a Helmut.”

“What would you suggest?”

Levi shrugged. “I’m no good at names. Something strong. August. Bruno. Osmar.”

“I like August. August Adler. Sounds poetic.” Erwin ran a hand down Levi’s cravat, tidying it.
“And who is August’s date for the week?”

Another shrug. “I use Farlan Church.”

“Well, it might be best to use something no one could ever trace back to you. The military records
all show a pre-existing relationship between—” Erwin stopped, suddenly curious. “You use his
name?”

“If I need to give a fake name, yeah. I told you, I’m no good at names.”

In all their conversations over the past several months, Erwin had never pried into Levi’s past life
with his friends. Levi had given little anecdotes here and there, but he had never really indicated
how the three friends had come to live and work together.

Levi held his gaze. “You’re wondering if I ever fucked Farlan, aren’t you?”

“It’s none of my business. Though, he does seem to be your type.”

“Yeah. Blond, hot, and straight as an arrow.” Levi’s face softened. “We don’t always get what we
want, but sometimes it’s better that way. Would have made a shitty couple, but we made great
friends, and by the end, he was like a brother. Close to what happened with you and Mike, I guess.”

“I see.”

They were quiet for a moment, then Erwin said softly, “What about Emil?”
“Emil?”

“Your name. Almost the same letters as ‘Levi’, and I believe it means ‘rival,’ which is a nice nod
to our beginnings. Emil … Jahnke?”

“Emil Jahnke and August Adler.” Levi’s lips flattened. “I’m not going to remember that.”

“Boyfriends from southern Wall Rose.” Erwin draped an arm across his shoulders. “August is a
teacher, and Emil runs a successful bodyguard company. They met in a bar two years ago and fell
in love. One thing led to another, until recently, they bought a house. They’ve embarked on this trip
to celebrate the beginning of their shared life together.”

“You’ve thought this through.”

“I have.” Erwin studied the moon, his mind drifting. “They have their whole lives ahead of them.
To them, the titans are very far away, someone else’s problem. The two of them are so in love, so
full of hope.”

Levi glanced up, then settled back against him again. “No one will ever believe we’re that
sheltered. Everything about us says we’re soldiers.”

“True. And the world needs us to be soldiers.” Erwin’s throat tightened. “We don’t always get
what we want, right?”

Levi pulled the blanket up to his neck and didn’t reply.

They arrived in the Capital just as the sun was rising. After a large breakfast at a cafe, they
changed into casual clothes, then separately made their way to the docks. As August and Emil,
they each paid the fare to travel by boat to Utopia District, then boarded at different times. Erwin’s
dealings in the Capital, thus far, were minor enough that it would have to be a large coincidence to
run into anyone who might recognize him, but he didn’t want to take any chances while they were
within the city limits. Once he became better-known, a trip like this was going to be impossible,
but for now, anonymity should be easy to find.

An hour after departure, he found Levi, as agreed, near the ship’s prow. Levi was leaning against
the railing, looking over the edge. Erwin leaned up next to him and saw that the narrow mouth was
twisting.

“Bad memories?” he asked.

“Memories?” Levi glanced at him. “You think I ever went on a boat in the Underground?”

Erwin shrugged. “It sounds as if you travelled a fair bit above ground.”

“Not by boat.” He grimaced. “I don’t trust them.”

“Can’t swim?”

“I swim fine. Won’t help me if I’m trapped in this thing while it runs aground and then sinks.”

Erwin smiled. “It’s a straight stretch from here to Utopia district. I’m sure the captain can navigate
just fine.” He draped an arm around Levi’s shoulders.

Levi ducked away, looking around them. “What the hell?”

“We’re August and Emil now, remember? We can show our affection in public.”

“Well, August can wait until we aren’t trapped on a floating coffin with nobles from the Capital.”

“I see.” Erwin pulled away, propping his elbows on the railing. “Then I’m guessing Emil isn’t
interested in that blow job in the supply closet I was about to offer him?”

“In the supply closet?”

“Thought all those cleaning supplies might put you in the mood to get a bit … dirty.”

Levi eyed him. “You aren’t going to make terrible jokes the entire week, are you? Because I’ll
jump overboard right now.”

“So cruel.”

“You bring it upon yourself.” Levi shifted closer to him, mimicking his pose on the railing. “There
anything to do on this boat to pass the time?”

“I brought paperwork.”

“No.”

“Well … ” Erwin glanced at him. “I brought a book. Maybe we could find a quiet spot and I could
read to you.”

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “Let me guess: some stuffy old Commander’s war diaries? Sahlo’s latest
shipping manifest?”

“No, this is a work of fiction, a serial that ran in a Mitras paper. It’s about a thief who falls in love
with an officer of the Garrison and eventually joins him.” He smiled. “It reminded me of us, so I
thought it might be entertaining, if a bit ridiculous.”

“Huh.” Levi studied him. “I guess listening to you speak for a couple hours wouldn’t be so bad.”

The statement made Erwin’s heart race a little faster: he likes the sound of my voice. It was a silly
thing to get excited about, but even after a few months together, there were still new compliments
to give and receive.

They found a quiet room below deck and settled into a corner. As Erwin began to read aloud, Levi
laid his head in his lap, watching his face intently.

The story, though poorly written, was entertaining enough to pass the time. Between it, a few meal
breaks and a short nap, the trip passed more quickly than either of them expected. They
disembarked in Utopia District late in the evening. The air was chilly, the snow on the ground
nearly up to Levi’s knees. Erwin opened his trunk and handed Levi an old winter jacket from his
youth. It was a bit short in the sleeves and the collars were unfashionable, but Levi put it on
without complaint. They hired a cab and rode toward the resort.

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “The fuck is that smell?”

“Hot springs.” Erwin smiled. “I’ve heard people liken it to the scent of titans, so I thought you’d be
right at home.”

“Titans? Fuck, no. Smells like rotten eggs.” Levi covered his nose. “Are we going to be breathing
this in the whole time?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

The road up to the resort was decorated with hanging lanterns of different colours. Levi stared at
them, his mouth slightly agape, as he apparently forgot about the offensive scent.

The same coloured lanterns lit the path to their cabin from the main office, and a holly wreath hung
on the door. The inside smelled of pine and sulphur. Erwin lit the lamp by the door, revealing a
wide bed, a raised hot spring tub, a fireplace, and a full suite of wooden furniture. Levi stared at it
all, then hurried into the bathroom.

“There’s a heated shower in here.” He poked his head through the door, his eyes wide. “No hand-
pump.”

“Why don’t you take a few minutes to try it out?” Erwin bent down to light the fireplace. “But
don’t take too long. There’s a little something I’d like to take care of before dinner.”

After a few tries, the log caught. He left only one log on, for now. In the background, he could
hear running water. After taking a minute to align their things against the wall and tidy their
jackets, he knocked on the bathroom door.

To his disappointment, the shower was hidden by a wooden stall. “There enough room in there for
two?”

“Keep out,” Levi said. “I’m washing my ass.”

Well, Erwin had been planning to test out the hot spring tub after dinner, anyway, so he’d get clean
then. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and added a few dabs of cologne to his skin.

The water stopped, the stall opened, and Levi’s arm reached out, fumbling blindly for a towel.
Erwin smiled and handed him one. The arm and towel snapped back into the stall.

“How long until dinner?” Levi asked.

“We have time to do something quick now, if you’d like.” Erwin leaned against the wall and
folded his arms over his chest. “I thought we might soak in the tub after dinner. My ability to
perform is more fragile than yours, and the hot water might be enough to disrupt it, so I thought I
might top now, and later, when I’m likely to be soft, you can—”

“Stop planning it.” The shower door opened, and Levi stepped through. The towel was draped
around his waist, his hair dishevelled and damp. “You want me, just take me. Be spontaneous.”

Very well, then. Erwin began to close the distance between them, but Levi took a step back.

“Not until I’ve brushed my teeth.”

“Are you clear on the definition of ‘spontaneous?’”

Levi threw his towel at him. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Erwin hung the towel on the rack, then stepped into the main room.

A few minutes later, Levi finally left the bathroom. Erwin strode up to him and caught his jaw,
tilting it up for a forceful kiss.

When he pulled away, Levi’s eyelashes were fluttering. “Shit,” he breathed.

Erwin hummed and grabbed the slender wrists as he leaned down, using his tongue this time.
Mouths still joined, he pushed Levi several steps back and pinned his wrists against the wall. He
gently pressed his thigh between Levi’s legs.

Levi turned his head a little, breaking the kiss. “Get undressed.”

Erwin hummed again, stooping down to bury his face in Levi’s neck. “You’re in no position to
give me orders.” His hands tightened around Levi’s wrists.

The wrists twisted, and suddenly Erwin was holding air. He looked down at Levi, surprised. The
narrow fingers were already unbuttoning his shirt.

“You think it’s that easy to hold me? I’m not letting you pull that teasing shit two times in a row.”
Levi kissed a line down the centre of his chest.

“Not too low. I haven’t showered yet.”

“Maybe I’ll tease the hell out of you this time.” Levi kissed his belt buckle, then pressed his mouth
over the fabric below it. Warm air flooded through the cloth, and Erwin shuddered.

“I want you,” he said, his voice cracking.

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then shook his head. “Okay, screw teasing.” He began to undo
the buttons and belt. They worked together to strip his lower half, but before Levi could get his
shirt off, Erwin caught him under the thighs and lifted him, pressing him against the wall.

Levi’s limbs wrapped around him. “Your injury—”

“I’m fine.” Erwin kissed him hard, trying to ignore his body’s limitations. His ribs were burning.
He had hoped to take him against the wall, but it was becoming clear that wasn’t an option yet. He
thrust his hips, rubbing himself against Levi’s underside, enjoying the warmth of the skin contact.
“Shit,” he gasped.

Levi bit his ear. “You going to dry hump me or actually fuck me?”

Erwin grunted in response, his legs beginning to shake from the strain. Guess I’m not quite as
recovered as I thought. He pulled away from the wall and staggered toward the bed, then dropped
Levi onto the mattress and fell on top of him.

Levi wheezed, “You’re heavy.”

Erwin ignored him, but did take a moment to lift his weight onto one elbow as he kissed Levi’s
jaw, his chin, his throat. He paused between his legs to take him deep into his throat, and Levi gave
a shocked cry. As he pulled away, Levi thrust toward his mouth as if trying to follow it.

“Roll onto your front,” Erwin said, running a finger down his thigh. “I want to take you from
behind. I’ll be right back.”

He retrieved a bottle of oil and a clean handkerchief from a side pocket of his trunk. When he
returned, Levi was lying on his front, and his ass was so round and pert that Erwin forgot what he
was doing. The oil and handkerchief dropped noisily to the side table as he knelt on the bed. He
spread Levi’s legs to either side and knelt between them, grabbing his ass, feeling the soft, fuzzy
skin. His hands ran up to his lower back, then down to his hamstrings, and now Erwin’s eyes were
threatening to roll back into his head. His groin ached.
Levi shifted his hips, as if putting himself on display.

“You are so beautiful,” Erwin heard himself say. He bent down to kiss the spine, then the dimples
on either side, then moved lower, to the tailbone. He gently tickled it with his tongue in the way
Levi liked—or perhaps “tolerated” was a better word for it.

He lifted his head and saw Levi burying his face into the pillow, clutching it with clawed hands.

“Feel good?” he asked, never certain.

“Lower,” Levi said, voice muffled by the pillow.

Erwin’s heart skipped a beat. He can’t mean what I think he means. He buried his face down low,
licking the seam between his balls.

“No, higher.”

Erwin pulled away. “What?”

Levi twisted to look at him. “Put your mouth on my asshole.”

“Ah.” Erwin’s mouth was dry.

“Just for a bit.” A flush coloured the pale cheeks. “Look, it’s a special occasion, and I know I’m
clean enough for it. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” Levi relaxed face-first into the pillow again.

Breathing hard, Erwin nuzzled below his tailbone. He breathed in, inhaling the pheromones. A
shiver rippled through his body, and he felt himself harden until he ached. His breath left his mouth
in a slew of curses.

He started with his tongue flat, gently lapping. Levi’s spine arched toward the bed, his hips lifting
into the air.

“You okay?” murmured Erwin.

Levi said something unintelligible into the pillow.

Erwin reached up and grabbed the pillow, tugging it aside. “Don’t muffle yourself. I need to figure
out what you like.” He buried his face into the damp flesh again, tonguing gently. “Be loud.”

“Fuck,” Levi gasped.

“Feel good?”

“Yeah. Better than I … ” The words faded into a series of groans.

Erwin began to use more force, tracing circles. If he were honest with himself, he had wanted to do
this ever since he had first seen this ass in the Survey Corps uniform. He couldn’t think of any act
more intimate or requiring more trust. He hummed, and Levi bucked into his mouth, his moans
rising in pitch. Erwin shoved his arm beneath the tilting hips, pulling him tightly against his mouth.
He’s getting hard. Doing this is making him hard. His head spun.

“Fuck me,” Levi gasped.

Instead, he probed a bit deeper, and the sound that left Levi was almost a wail. Goosebumps
erupted across Erwin’s skin, all over his body. He would have loved to linger, but he had already
teased Levi enough on the first leg of their trip. Besides, he was getting desperate.

He pulled away and drizzled oil over both of them, then gently began to work his way inside.

Levi’s shoulders rounded, his forehead pressed against the mattress. “Your mouth made me so
sensitive.”

“Yeah?” Erwin slowed down, gently easing himself in and out. “You feel that?”

“Yeah. It’s so good.” Levi’s knuckles were white as he grabbed at the sheets.

Erwin bent down and bit the back of his neck. “You want it slow like this?”

“Harder.”

He pressed the rest of the way in, holding in place. He dragged his tongue along Levi’s neck to his
ear. “Can you give me the order?”

Levi half-turned toward him, his gaze steady. “Erwin, give it to me hard.”

Glowing, restless energy rippled through Erwin’s body and settled between his legs. Lifting
himself on his elbows, he began to move.

Levi cried out and buried his face in the mattress again, his shoulders tight. Erwin kissed a shoulder
blade, then bit the skin. “Like this?” he asked, knowing he was still being too gentle.

“Harder.”

The word rippled through him like fire, setting every nerve alight. He pushed himself onto his
hands, increasing the pace. Below him, he could see those beautiful back muscles rippling as
Levi’s hips counter-thrust against him.

Erwin placed a hand on his lower back and pushed.

“Oh fuck,” Levi gasped.

Now he could feel those rippling muscles pushing back against his hand. Erwin grunted and leaned
hard, pressing Levi into the bed. Levi sucked in a loud breath and arched his back; Erwin placed
his other hand between his shoulder blades.

“That’s it,” Levi gasped. “Pin me to the bed. Fuck me hard.”

A series of curses began to slip from Erwin’s lips. He changed the angle to use gravity to his
advantage, driving into him as hard as he could, hands pushing him down with the full brunt of
every thrust.

“Fuck,” Levi said, over and over. His hands clawed at the mattress. Erwin fell on top of him and
gripped those clawed hands, his mouth by Levi’s ear, pace unrelenting.

“There,” Levi said.

“Here?” Erwin kept the angle steady.

The small body tensed. “What the fuck … oh fuck … ” He began to tighten around Erwin, his back
flexing.
“Come on.” Sweat beaded on Erwin’s temple, and he wasn’t quite there yet, but he needed Levi to
come, he needed it so badly that he ached. He used every bit of strength he had, moving hard and
fast, and he swore he could feel the build up as if it were his own.

“Erwin, I’m— Fuck!” Levi writhed so hard that he almost threw Erwin off him.

“Levi … ” Erwin pressed his open mouth against the long neck, breathing in, trying to taste his
orgasm.

Then the body beneath him relaxed, and everything was still. Erwin rested his forehead against
Levi’s neck, giving him a minute. The room seemed too calm now, too quiet.

Levi stirred, and when he spoke, his voice was groggy: “Did you come?”

“Not yet. Can I come on your back?” He realized, too late, that the mess was likely to be
unappealing. “Unless you’d rather—”

“Do it.”

Erwin felt a wave of anticipation as he pulled out and grabbed himself. He groped Levi’s ass with
his free hand, his eyes tracing the beautiful lines and curves. He was further along than he thought,
and his orgasm surprised him. He cursed and grunted through clenched teeth. With Levi
disoriented and facing away from him, it felt lonelier than he would have liked—still satisfying,
but a bit anticlimactic after all the buildup. With the last spasm, he sat back on his heels, his head
bowed.

“Feel good?” Levi asked.

“Yeah.”

“I like it better when I can see you.”

Erwin smiled. “Me, too.” Black spots swam in his vision, and he had an overwhelming urge to lie
down. He reached for the handkerchief and swabbed away the mess, then gave in. He collapsed on
top of Levi, breathing hard.

“Hey. You’re heavy, remember?” Levi nudged his shoulder, effortlessly rolling Erwin onto his
back.

I always forget how strong he is. Draping his forearm over his eyes, Erwin gasped for breath.
“Levi, the things you do to me … ”

“You were the one doing things. I was just lying there.” The bed shifted.

“You weren’t just lying there.” He opened his eyes and saw Levi leaning over him, studying him.
With a smile, Erwin tucked a strand of dark hair off the high forehead. “I’ll never stop being
amazed by how well we work together. You bring out sides of me that I didn’t know existed.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Levi caught his hand and lifted it to his mouth, kissing a knuckle. “Never
thought someone eating my ass would feel that good.”

“Yeah? It was all right?”

“Yeah. Now I get why you make those stupid noises when I do it to you.” Levi kissed another
knuckle. “Let’s try it again sometime.”
“Of course.”

They lay there for another moment, and Erwin’s eyes were just drifting closed when someone’s
stomach growled. He couldn’t tell who, but it didn’t matter. He forced himself to sit up. “We
should eat. The restaurant is only open for another hour.”

They dressed and bundled up, then set out. The temperature had dropped, and the air was crisp and
tasted of smoke. Breaths left their lips in clouds as their footsteps crunched in the snow.

“Sure is pretty.” Erwin looked up at the trees. The snow that rested on the needled branches
glowed blue in the moonlight.

“Yeah. Cold as fuck, though.” Levi’s shoulders were rounded, his arms folded tightly over his
chest.

Erwin draped an arm over him and drew him closer as they walked. Another couple walked up the
path toward them, and Levi’s shoulders tensed, but the couple only exchanged a pleasant nod with
them and kept walking.

“Like I said,” Erwin murmured, “we’re completely anonymous up here.”

“Weird.”

“A bit.” Erwin kissed the top of his hooded head. “Nice, though.”

“Yeah.”

They stepped into the dining hall, kicking the snow off their boots in the front entrance. The
restaurant decor combined the same rustic charm and elegance as their room, and the lighting was
pleasantly dim. A host came over to greet them, then led them to a table. Erwin scanned the room
for familiar faces out of habit and, finding none, rested his hand on Levi’s lower back.

They ordered a half-bottle of fine white wine and a fish platter to share. It was an increasingly rare
experience, eating food that wasn’t heavily laced with preservative yeast, and Erwin found the
flavours subtle and pleasant. Levi seemed to feel the same way; he was quiet during the meal,
voraciously eating everything set in front of him. They enjoyed a mug of tea after the meal, and
Erwin studied Levi.

“I’ve always wondered why you hold your mugs that way.”

Levi looked down at his hand, which held the mug from the top with clawed fingers. He shrugged.
“Handle broke off a cup once. Been paranoid about it ever since.”

“I see,” Erwin said, sensing there was more to the story, but not wanting to push him. He mimicked
the hand position himself, then tried to drink. Tea dribbled down his chin.

Levi shook his head and leaned forward to dab his chin with the napkin. “It’s not as easy as I make
it look.”

“Apparently not.”

Dessert was ice cream, something Erwin hadn’t had since he was a child. Levi poked it with a
spoon, suspicious.

“My mother used to make this whenever it snowed.” Erwin took a spoonful, then closed his eyes,
feeling the sweet mouthful melt on his tongue. He swallowed. “Never this good, though. They
must have access to real cream up here.”

Levi tried a bite, and his eyes widened. “Damn.”

“Good?”

“I’m not going to be able to go back to rations after this week ends.”

It’ll be hard to go back to a lot of things after the week ends, Erwin thought as he reached across
the table to hold Levi’s hand.

When they left the restaurant, the sky had clouded over, and large, fluffy snowflakes drifted from
the sky. Erwin stood on the front step and stared at the lanterns hanging from the trees, the moon
glowing behind the clouds. His breath froze. This is the most picturesque setting I’ve ever seen.

“ You hear that?” Levi asked.

He listened and heard the wind gently blowing through the pine trees. It sounded like rushing
water. “It’s so peaceful and quiet.”

“I mean the singing.” Levi pointed to their right, past several cabins. “Somewhere down there.”

“I see.” Erwin strained his ears, but couldn’t hear it. He offered an elbow to Levi. “It’s a beautiful
night, and we have our own private hot spring to heat us up again once we get back to the room.
Want to go exploring?”

Levi studied him for a moment, then took his arm. “Sure.”

They followed a path of lanterns down to a small amphitheatre, where a choir, dressed in red
cloaks with white fur trim, sang to a crowd. The strains of O Tannenbaum rang out in harmony.
Erwin and Levi approached from the back.

“Almost forgot it was Christmas,” Erwin murmured. The holiday wasn’t all that important to him
anymore. The military didn’t waste money on decorations or celebrations, opting instead to give
mandatory time off. Even before that, his mother had banned Christmas celebrations after his father
had died; it had been his father’s favourite time of year. Erwin’s chest ached just thinking about it.

He looked down and saw Levi craning his neck, trying to see through the crowd. Erwin leaned
close.

“Want me to lift you onto my shoulders so you can see?”

He received a glare in response. “Try it, and you’re fucking dead.”

The song ended, and the crowd applauded.

“Want to keep walking for a bit?” Erwin asked.

“As long as you don’t offer to put me on your shoulders.” Levi fell into step beside him.

They wandered further along the path and came upon a small, round bridge over a stream. They
stopped at its apex and Levi leaned against the railing, staring into the water. Steam curled off it,
and the rock banks were bare.

“Must be fed by the hot springs.” Levi folded his arms on the railing.
“Looks like it.” Erwin settled closer to him, unable to stop staring at Levi long enough to look at
the water. Snowflakes were catching in the dark eyelashes again, and the usual crease between his
brows was smooth.

Levi looked up at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

In the background, the faint strains of the choir began to sound. They echoed against the rock
walls, giving them an ethereal quality. Erwin’s throat tightened as memories of the past combined
with the present beauty of the setting. He bent down to give Levi a small, soft kiss. His damp lips
felt the cold breeze when he pulled away.

“You okay?” Levi asked. “You look like you’re going to cry.”

“It’s just the breeze making my eyes water.” He leaned on his elbows, looking down at the steam.
“Do you celebrate Christmas, Levi? Or did you always celebrate your birthday instead?”

Levi scoffed. “Didn’t celebrate anything.”

“No?” Erwin asked, but Levi’s face was tight. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Trying to redirect
the conversation from the potential reminder of an unpleasant past, Erwin looked around, then
leaned closer. “We didn’t, either, after my father died. He was really big on Christmas. One year,
he told me Christmas was originally a religious holiday in the old world. It celebrated the birth of a
major prophet. Your birthday would have been quite auspicious, I think.”

Levi looked up. “Yeah?”

“He said the songs we sing are mostly from the old religion, though the candles we light come
from a different religion, and the lanterns are from yet another. It’s almost as if the people who
first moved to the walls sought to include elements of various—” He glanced down at Levi,
sensing disinterest. “Sorry, I’m rambling. Talking about the outside world is forbidden, anyway.”

“Lots of things we do are forbidden.” Levi stared blankly ahead. “This stuff means a lot to you,
right?”

“It meant a lot to my father. That’s enough reason for me to think about it and keep it alive.” Erwin
stepped back and gave him a kind smile. “Perhaps we should return to the room?”

“Sure.”

They fell into step, and Erwin reached for Levi’s hand. Their mittens were so thick that the grip
was clumsy, and he suspected Levi’s arm was at an awkward angle due to their height difference,
but his heart pounded, anyway. Just a normal couple.

Further down the path, they came upon a young pair engaged in a snowball fight. The woman
threw a barrage of snowballs as she charged at her partner. He staggered backwards, but grabbed
her as he went down. They fell, laughing, into the snow, completely oblivious to their audience.

Erwin chuckled to himself, but then saw Levi cringe. “Too cute for you?”

“A bit.”

Once they were definitely out of earshot, Erwin said, “How do you think Emil would react if
August tried to throw snowballs at him?”

“It wouldn’t be pretty. Emil doesn’t have a good sense of humour about getting wet and cold.”
Levi looked up at him, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “Besides, you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“No? I’ve been practicing my aim.”

“Yeah, but you’re weak as hell. You’ve been doing nothing for six months.”

Erwin felt as if he had been punched in the gut. “I think I’ve been doing okay, all things
considered.”

“Oh.” Levi grimaced. “No, I meant, you were hobbling everywhere on a cane up until a few weeks
ago, and I’ve been out scouting and working out this whole time.”

That’s not all that much kinder, Erwin thought, but he took a deep breath. Levi had been at his side
every step of the way; he understood how hard Erwin had been working to get well, even if he
wasn’t phrasing it properly. The only reason Erwin was taking so much offense was because the
words had aligned with that little voice, deep down, that constantly told him he wasn’t working
hard enough.

He swallowed back his pride, and said, “Well, snowballs are different than fighting on the
battlefield, anyway. It’s an art I was forced to learn to defend myself—you never had an overly
aggressive kid sister.” He bent down to scoop the snow.

“Isabel doesn’t count?” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Don’t embarrass yourself, Erwin.”

“August,” he corrected. He packed the snowball as small as he could, then tucked it in his elbow,
building a second one. “The key to a good snowball—”

Something hit his ass.

He whirled to see Levi leaning against a tree, arms folded over his chest. “What?”

Erwin nodded at the hollow in the snow in front of Levi, clearly manmade and appropriately sized
for a snowball. “Might want to hide the evidence next time.” He tossed one of his snowballs.

Levi, in one motion, caught and threw it. Snow exploded across Erwin’s chest, so hard that he took
a step backwards.

“Holy shit,” he said, brushing snow off his jacket.

“I told you, it wouldn’t be pretty.” A corner of Levi’s mouth twitched.

Erwin cocked a brow. “I’ll have to adapt my tactics.” Keeping an eye on him, he bent down and
began to hastily form more snowballs, stashing several of them in his pockets.

“Tactics in a fucking snowball fight. You have to suck the fun out of everything, don’t you?” Levi
dropped to his knees and began to scoop up snow.

Less than a minute later, they were ducking behind trees, snowballs flying back and forth. Erwin’s
hood fell back, his hair hanging in his face, as he tried to simultaneously dodge and throw. There
was snow on his chest, his arms, and one thigh, while Levi was still bone dry. Erwin kept a careful
eye on his opponent’s supply, planning to overwhelm him when he ran out of ammunition.

Levi tossed the last of his stash; Erwin just barely managed to dodge it.

“Shit,” Levi said as he reached for a snowball and found none.

“This is where tactics become important.” Erwin began to pull snowballs out of his pockets,
lobbing them at Levi, who grunted and flipped out of the way, then swept low, gathering an armful
of snow. He launched forward.

“Shit, wait!” Erwin threw a barrage of snowballs to try to defend himself as Levi, somehow
dodging every single one, closed the distance. Then there was an armful of snow in Erwin’s face,
and he was taking several steps backwards, sputtering and laughing.

“How are those tactics working for you now?” Levi asked, a grin in his voice.

More snow flew into Erwin’s face. His hands clamped on his attacker’s arms, but Levi ducked, and
the world flipped. Erwin landed on his back in the snow, and he felt Levi’s full weight land on top
of him.

And then he heard a noise he had never heard before: an understated, subtle snickering.

He’s laughing! Frantically, Erwin wiped the snow out of his eyes so he could see.

Finally, after so many months, he saw that honest smile he had only seen once before, the red
cheeks dimpled on one side, the grey eyes sparkling.

Erwin’s chest heaved, his eyes flooding with tears. He caught the back of Levi’s head and pulled
him in for a kiss. He got only teeth at first, but then Levi gave a surprised hum and his face relaxed.
Their kiss was long and slow, and Erwin gently rolled them until he lay on top, body weight
pressing Levi into the snow.

When he pulled away, Levi’s smile was gone, and Erwin regretted making it disappear.

“Sorry,” he said.

Levi reached up and clumsily moved damp hair off his forehead with his mitt. “Fucking weirdo,
getting all misty-eyed over a snowball fight.”

Erwin swallowed the lump in his throat. “I very rarely see you smile.”

“What? I smile all the time.”

“And I’ve never, ever heard you laugh.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Levi’s eyes twinkled again. “Maybe you need your
hearing checked, old man.”

“Old man? I’m not the one who obsessively plucks his grey hairs.”

“I don’t— How did—?” Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Well, you just can’t see yours because you’re
blond.”

Erwin chuckled and gave him a slow kiss, then stood and helped him up. “For what it’s worth, I
take your smiles and laughter as a great compliment. It means a lot to me that you show me these
secret sides of yourself.”

“Well, you do the same.” Levi brushed himself off. “You think anyone back at the base would
believe me if I told them you started a snowball fight? That’s how we work, right? We give each
other all of ourselves. Even the parts we usually hide from everyone else.”

“I suppose we do.” Erwin grabbed his mitt, and they fell into step together again.
Once they stepped into their cabin and took off their jackets and boots, Erwin knelt by the tub. The
bottom of the tub was lined with six blue glass compartments, about knee-high, that served as
windows to the bottom of the water. A large candle sat inside each of the compartments. When he
lit them, the flames and glass made the water appear to glow blue. He stared at it for a moment,
enchanted.

“They thought of everything, didn’t they?” Levi said from the fireplace, where he was starting a
fire.

“It certainly adds to the ambience. Amazing what the human mind can come up with when it’s not
preoccupied with titan fighting, isn’t it?”

They undressed and sank into the tub, sitting on the bench. The water was warm and made Erwin
feel buoyant, almost weightless. He looked over at Levi and smiled at the blue lighting on his
body.

“You look like a spirit.” He draped his arms along the back of the tub, one of them positioned
behind Levi’s neck.

“We need one of these at the base.” Levi’s head lolled back against Erwin’s arm, his eyes closing.
“I don’t know how I’m going to go back.”

They sat in silence for several minutes. Erwin reflected on the words. He had meant for this
vacation to give them good memories to carry with them, no matter how rough their futures
became. Instead, he was exposing them to a world they could never have—what if this only made
them bitter?

“Hey, Erwin?” Levi said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me more about these people we’re pretending to be.”

“August and Emil?” He paused. “Well, they’re both career-focussed, probably to a fault—August,
in particular. Part of the reason they came on this getaway was to put that aside and focus on each
other, something that sometimes escapes them back home, especially when they’re busy. It’s not
for lack of love—they’re just both very driven.”

“Sounds familiar.” Levi looked as if he might be falling asleep; his face was completely relaxed.
“You said they met in a bar?”

“Yeah, August was celebrating the end of a difficult semester at school, and Emil was celebrating
the expansion of his bodyguard business. Emil saw August drinking alone, and immediately
recognized his type—how did you describe it? Blond, hot, and possibly straight as an arrow.”

“Nine times out of ten, they’re straight,” Levi said with a hint of bitterness.

“Well, this time, Emil hit that one in ten. Bought August a drink, and they ended up chatting all
night about nothing. They left the bar together at closing time, went back to August’s place.”

Levi opened his eyes. “They fucked on the first date?”

“Sure.”

“You wouldn’t even let me touch you on our first day together.”
Erwin slid closer. Their thighs touched, the skin slippery and unnaturally soft from the hot spring
minerals. “Well, August never saw an ex-lover eaten by titans, so he doesn’t have any sort of
trauma to consider. I figure he’s more like my younger self.”

Levi’s brows rose. “You used to fuck on the first date?”

“Ah.” Erwin’s cheeks darkened, and he hoped it could pass as flushing from the heat of the water.
“I didn’t have the patience for any of society’s courtship rules, so if it felt right, and my partner was
willing, there was no point in restraining myself. If that’s moving too fast for Emil, August would
have respected—”

“No, Emil would be fine with it. As long as he got to top, at least for the first little while.”

“That works.” Erwin slid deeper into the water, letting it hit his collarbone. “It was supposed to be
a one-night thing, but August got attached. He awkwardly invited Emil to stay until morning. After
they shared a nice discussion over brunch, they realized they were falling in love.”

“Cute.” Levi rested his hand on Erwin’s thigh, gently stroking it under the water. “I like thinking
we could attract each other’s attention even if we hadn’t been in the Survey Corps.”

“Of course we could. If you had bought me a drink in a bar, I would have taken notice.”

Levi hesitated. “So what does their future look like?”

“Well, they have a nice romantic getaway here,” Erwin said, trying to picture how things would
play out if they were their alter egos. “They return to their new home and adapt to living together.
It’s a bit strange, at first—August forgets to clean up after himself, and Emil is a neat freak.”

“I bet August pulls dozens of books off the shelf at a time and leaves them in little disorganized
piles on the floor, then just walks away. And at night, he falls asleep at his desk and gets drool all
over everything.”

Erwin cleared his throat, choosing to ignore the too-familiar criticisms. “They continue to grow
closer, while also finding career successes as individuals. When their relationship is three and a
half years in, August takes Emil on another romantic getaway.” His heart pounded in his throat as
he pictured it in his mind. “They take a day hike up a hill, because he knows Emil will love the
view. And at the top, as the sun goes down over the horizon, he gets down on one knee.”

“Oh?” Levi said, his eyelids low, but something about his body was too precisely relaxed, as if he
were covering underlying tension. Perhaps it was his breaths, steady and even.

Erwin held his gaze. “He’s not sure how Emil will react, or if he’s even interested in taking this
step together, but they’ve been together for long enough that he’s pretty confident things will be
okay no matter how Emil responds. And so, as the sun sets on the three-and-a-half year mark since
that first night at the bar, August asks Emil to marry him.”

Levi took a few more measured breaths, watching him. “Emil would probably say yes.”

Adrenaline rushed through Erwin’s body, and he took a steady, practiced breath of his own.
“Yeah?”

“Sure. I mean, three and a half years—that’s practically married. Long enough to know if it’s a
good fit, at least.”

“I agree.” Erwin smiled, confident now that his three-and-a-half year plan was the right one. His
hand closed over Levi’s. “They have a small wedding, just their closest family and friends, then
spend a month travelling as newlyweds. Then they settle into their home, where they have their
whole lives ahead of them. Maybe they’ll adopt children together, or maybe their careers will be
enough to keep them fulfilled. They’ll hear news stories about the reclamation of Wall Maria—
maybe, if we’re all lucky, about the triumph of the human race against the titans. Their biggest
stresses will be petty arguments, or bill payments, or trouble at work.

“And when they’re wrinkled and grey, when their minds start to go and their bodies are failing,
they’ll be each other’s comfort and support. Their love will grow stronger, year after year.” His
throat tightened. He glanced at Levi, trying to envision him as an old man. He would look good
with white hair, he decided, and his features were so fine that they would age well.

A sight neither of us is likely to live to see.

“ I envy them,” Erwin added softly. “August and Emil. They won’t even realize how lucky they
are.”

After a moment, Levi’s fingers interlocked with his. “You said once that if I had been Marie, if I
had asked you to leave everything behind for a life with me, you probably would have agreed.”

The lump in Erwin’s throat grew, constricting his airflow. He took in a shuddering breath. “I did.”

“We could become them,” Levi said, not looking him in the eye. “We could disappear and never
return to base, say ‘fuck you’ to humanity and live for ourselves instead.”

Erwin was dizzy, lightheaded, spinning. Ask me. But even as he thought it, the weight of his
responsibilities were already grounding him. “It would mean living every day with the knowledge
that we had left our duties and our comrades behind.”

Levi nodded slowly, as if distracted. “I don’t think I could live with that.”

“No. Neither could I.”

“What a couple of sad, morbid fuckers,” Levi muttered.

With a sad smile, Erwin said, “We’re fighting to give future Augusts and Emils a chance at all
this.”

“Those little shits had better appreciate it. The hell we go through for them. The things we give
up.”

Erwin’s grip tightened on his hand. “At least we aren’t alone.”

“Yeah, that’s something.” Levi looked at him, his eyes sad. “I want to make love to you.”

The phrasing was so surprising that Erwin’s brows rose. “Okay. Just give me a minute to clean
up.”

A few minutes later, he lay on his back on the bed, a pillow under his hips, as Levi gently worked
himself into him. Already, Erwin could feel that the hot water had, as predicted, sapped away his
ability to perform, but without the pressure of worrying about his own orgasm, he was free to focus
all of his attention on Levi. His face was strained and flushed, and when he pushed all the way in,
his nose briefly wrinkled, perfectly timed with his moan.

Erwin whispered Levi’s name, running the heel of his palm across the fuzzy chest.
“Oh god,” Levi whispered, his eyes closing. “Oh fuck, Erwin.” He hunched over Erwin’s
abdomen, his head dropping, as he slowly rocked. Warmth began to build deep inside Erwin, and
he groaned, his toes curling.

Levi’s head tossed back, his face pained. “I wish I could kiss you.”

Not trusting his spine’s flexibility in the wake of his injuries, Erwin smoothed a hand across Levi’s
face instead. Levi gasped and kissed it, then took a finger into his mouth, gently circling it with his
tongue. A long, low groan sounded in Erwin’s throat.

For several minutes, their bodies rocked together, Levi kissing and licking his fingers. Erwin ran
his free hand across every space of the pale skin he could see, exploring him, memorizing his
texture. The skin was still soft from the hot spring, still warm.

“Fuck.” The finger fell from Levi’s mouth. “You feel so good. I never want to stop. I never … ”
His eyelids fluttered and he pushed in a little harder, holding for a beat. Erwin could feel him pulse
inside him, and he gasped.

“Even slow like this, it feels so good.” Levi bent down and kissed Erwin’s breastbone. His strokes
were still slow, but harder now, almost violent at the end. “You’re so warm … ” His voice rose
into a moan.

Whispering his name, Erwin wrapped his legs around Levi’s torso. He wanted to memorize every
facial expression Levi was making, every perfect sound.

“I want to be closer, I need … ” Levi kissed across to his nipple, then began to circle it with his
tongue. His strokes were still slow and firm, and Erwin began to feel a familiar warmth building
inside him, even though he wasn’t hard.

“You feel so good,” he whispered, barely able to form coherent thoughts.

Levi moaned. “Oh fuck, Erwin, I need you.” He sucked hard at the nipple, and Erwin threw his
head back.

“I’m here. I’m yours.”

Levi clung tightly to him, breathing the words over and over: I need you. I need you.

“ It’s okay. I’m here.” Erwin leaned back, feeling Levi’s torso rocking between his legs. He ran his
hands along the flexing arms, then combed fingers through the dark hair. So good. You feel so
good. Pleasure was still building inside him, washing over him, lapping at every inch of his skin, as
warm and soft as the spring water. His body began to twitch, and he was withdrawing into himself.
He wanted to call Levi’s name, but he couldn’t move his lips; they were numb, engulfed by that
growing warmth. He was vibrating, energy burning him at every point of contact, building deep
inside.

He heard himself yell as the pressure erupted, and he heard Levi echo the sound. They clung to
each other, their bodies quaking, their cries fuelling each other, answering each other.

The instant the last pulses faded, Levi crawled up his body, ignoring the mess between them, and
kissed him hard. Erwin could barely coordinate his lips to kiss him back. Every muscle in his body
was relaxed and tingling.

Levi pulled away, resting his forehead on Erwin’s. “I wish … ” He swallowed hard and didn’t
continue. There was no need. They were both thinking it, and what was the point in wishing for
things they could never have?

Erwin closed a hand over his cheek and lifted his chin, staring solemnly into his eyes. “We’re here,
Levi, for six more days. Don’t miss the whole thing worrying about it being over, remember?”

Levi paused, then nodded. “Yeah.”

Erwin kissed his forehead, then gripped his shoulders and gently rolled him to the side. He passed
over a handkerchief, then quickly used another to clean himself. “I’ll be back in a moment. I just
have to get something.”

Levi sat up, mopping himself. “What are you getting?”

“It must be after midnight by now, right?” Erwin stood. In spite of the fire, the room was chilly,
and goosebumps rose across his skin as he bent in front of the chest. “It’s your birthday, and I have
something for you.” He had intended to save it for breakfast, but after such an emotional
connection, the timing felt right. He tucked the gift in his palm, then returned to the bed. “Hold out
your hands.”

A brow furrowed, Levi obeyed. Erwin dropped a set of keys into his outstretched palms.

“Keys?” Levi asked.

“A formality.” Erwin spread them in Levi’s palm and tapped one key at a time. “Apartments. Trost
—you’re familiar with this one already. Karanese. Ehrmich. Shiganshina—that one’s useless now,
but one day, it’ll be useful again.”

“How fucking rich are you?” Levi asked, staring at the keys..

“I tied up much of my father’s inheritance in real estate long ago.” He considered Shiganshina and
added, “Some were better investments than others.”

“So you’re giving me permission to use all these?”

“More than that. They’re ours.”

Levi’s gaze lifted to meet his. “Ours?”

“Well, I can’t put your name on the deeds without raising suspicions, of course, but effectively,
they’re half yours. You’ll have full access to them whenever you like. I’ll never sell them without
consulting with you first, and you’d be entitled to half the sale value. As well, I’ve formally made
you my next of kin, so if something happens to me, the deeds will all transfer to you.” Erwin’s
cheeks were burning, so he looked down. “I guess this is the closest I can come to asking you to
move in with me, given that we’ve lived together since before we fell in love. It’s more symbolic
than anything, a sign that I consider you more important than just a typical relationship.” The
gesture had seemed grander in his mind, and the dumbfounded stare from Levi was making him
second-guess himself. “I’m sorry; this was supposed to be romantic.”

“It is.” Levi swallowed hard, his fingers curling around the keys. “This is really fucking nice of
you, Erwin. But it’s lopsided.”

“Lopsided?”

“I have nothing to offer you.”

 Erwin frowned. He gripped both of the slender hands, the keys pressed between their palms. “Levi,
think about all that has happened this year. Because of you, we were able to retrieve the contents of
the first silo, which began the whole silo reclamation process. Because of you, I learned that I
could trust Nile, and now that he’s Commander, we can possibly ally with the Military Police in
ways we never could before. You were the one to get Sahlo’s name in the first place, and you keep
him on his toes if he gets too cocky around me. You’ve sacrificed your future to stand by my side,
to fight for the causes we believe in. And more than that … ” He pressed Levi’s empty palm to his
chest. “You’re the reason this is still beating. You rescued me, then nursed me back to health when
I was at death’s door. You stood by my side as I recovered.” He swallowed hard. “In return, I’ve
thrown a few properties at you and asked you to continue risking your life at my command. You’re
right; it is lopsided. But not in the way you think.”

Levi’s mouth twisted. “You’re too fucking sentimental,” he muttered, and he looked down, but not
before Erwin saw glassy eyes.

“Happy Birthday, Levi.”

The keys fell to the bed sheets as Levi wrapped his arms around him, burrowing beneath his chin.

(To be continued in Part III...)

Chapter End Notes

~On Christmas, religion, and the overall SNK timeline~

[no manga spoilers]

So, it's probably clear by now that I'm one of those folks who thinks the Attack on
Titan timeline is set far in the future. (I actually believe it's not on Earth, either, but
that's a story for another time.) We know knowledge of the outside world is forbidden,
and the Wall Cult appears to be the only major religion -- and one increasingly
intertwined with the government, at that. it makes sense that an oppressive
government, seeking to keep its citizens penned in, would encourage a religion that
venerates the walls and forbids leaving or altering them in any way. Because of this,
and because of the complete lack of other religious symbols portrayed within the
fiction to date, I believe there are no other religions actively practised within the walls.
Wallism is all they've got.

I do, however, feel like the early leaders within the walls would understand the value
of having at least one major holiday (boost to commerce and morale...plus, they
probably had nostalgia for the holidays of old.) We know, from official material, that
only a small subset of humanity was allowed into the walls. This subset seems to be
largely homogenous in terms of culture and ethnicity, which makes me think that
Christmas (which, in many parts of the world, has already become less of a religious
holiday and more of a cultural one) might be adopted as the catch-all. It made sense to
me that some traditions might be borrowed from other popular religious holidays and
festivals of the "old world". Need something to flesh out the holiday after all religious
references were stripped out to make it compatible with Wallism.

This is why Christmas exists in the HCT!SNK world, and why it's quite different from
the Christmas celebrated in many places IRL. Given all the Christmas material the
SNK merch team likes to throw out every December, I figured it wasn't too much of a
stretch to include it.

NONE OF THIS is intended to be a commentary on religion. I'm not trying to make a

deep statement here. At the end of the day, I wanted an excuse to (1) work in my wall
religion headcanons, and (2) inject some of my own warm fuzzy nostalgia about the
holiday season. Please don't read too deeply into it! ;) <3
 Warning (Part III)
Chapter Notes

WOW. I'm sorry this took an extra 10 days on top of my predicted publish date.
Setting up a new arc/tying stuff together + battling health stuff = that took way longer
than expected. Thanks for your patience! I'm blown away by the positive reaction to
this fic lately (holy hell) and I hope this new arc will be feels-y and satisfying. :)

I'd like to take a moment to call out three awesome pieces of fan art I was lucky
enough to receive after the last chapter!

(*) Cottonomz made an amazing NINE-PAGE comic depicting Erwin & Levi's
discussion about August & Emil in the previous chapter! HOLY CRAP!
http://cottonball.tumblr.com/post/107963718223/ (This also makes for a good
refresher/segue into this chapter. :D)

(*) Aileine did a beautiful comic depicting Erwin & Levi's bond and the sacrifices they
have made together! AHHH! http://aileine.tumblr.com/post/106952831668/

(*) Alsoalice did a lovely, sad picture of Levi after being inspired by feeling sad about
chapter 24! WOW! http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/108780368666/

I am absolutely blown away that I could inspire people to create such lovely things.
Thank you so very much.

Anyways, on with the chapter! (My apologies for any weird typos/etc. I'll be taking
another look at this over the next couple days to polish up any typos I catch.) Also,
some mild spoilery stuff for chapter 55, heavily headcanonized.

Previous chapter: As Levi's birthday approaches, Erwin takes him north for a romantic
getaway.

PART III

Consume

Levi and Erwin returned to Trost in late December 846. For the next several months, the Survey
Corps continued its focus on recruiting and finding investors. Levi’s celebrity status was a great
help to both, and though it made him uncomfortable to hold the spotlight, he knew it was for the
good of the Corps. He arm wrestled, he demonstrated titan takedowns to trainees, he punched
through cinder blocks, all while Erwin told tales of his amazing feats on the battlefield. Because
they weren’t leaving the walls, there was almost no negative publicity to counteract their efforts,
and as a result, the Survey Corps began to flourish. By early summer, their roster was high enough
to resume expeditions, and Erwin had recovered enough to lead them.
As time passed, Erwin’s goal of taking back Wall Maria within three to five years began to seem
plausible. Under his leadership, they aggressively pushed ahead with several smaller expeditions a
year instead of just one or two large ones. They carved a path toward the wall, laying supplies and
securing checkpoints. It was slow work, and costly: actively attempting to clear checkpoints meant
engaging the titans head-on rather than avoiding them. Casualty rates were high. Fortunately,
Levi’s strike squad fared well, but other teams began to weaken. By the end of the autumn of 847,
they were desperately in need of more soldiers.

That winter, Erwin intensified the recruiting drive yet again, enlisting the help of Shadis and Berit
to raise the Corps’ profile with Trainees. Once spring arrived, they headed out with their numbers
bolstered, and the annual cycle began again: perform a song and dance for investors, lay supplies,
recruit more trainees to fill the empty spaces left behind. The months began to blur together, and so
did the names and faces of the young soldiers around them.

The steady loss of soldiers wasn’t the only change in the Survey Corps. Less noticeable to the
masses, but more noticeable to Levi, was the impact on officer morale. As the expeditions passed
and the number of casualties increased, Mike became more quiet and withdrawn. He still socialized
with the other officers, but rarely contributed to the conversation aside from the occasional shrug
or grunt. It wasn’t in Levi’s nature to know how to draw someone out of their shell, but he was
beginning to miss Mike’s stories. Training with him these days was more like punching a piece of
equipment than a friend.

Hange, meanwhile, dove headfirst into research, spending odd hours working on new weapons and
poring over titan behaviour documentation. While the Corps’ knowledge and traps were improving
at a rapid rate, Levi found himself missing the quiet, personal conversations he had once shared
with Hange. The two of them still had their moments, but Hange was growing increasingly
eccentric. It seemed most conversations these days led to a boring lecture about titan physiology.

Levi, on the other hand, didn’t feel he was changing much. His personality had been forged in
times of stress long before he had joined the Corps, so extra stress didn’t affect him. His role,
however, demanded more of his time and attention than ever before. The troops had begun to call
him Captain as he took on the honourary role of Erwin’s right hand man, and his duties had
accumulated accordingly. He worked almost as hard as Erwin himself these days.

And Erwin …

Every time the townsfolk confronted him after expeditions, every time a politician or investor
questioned his intentions, the Commander’s mask hardened a little more. Each time it hardened, it
took a little longer to come off again. His calm expression and polite, restrained smile were the
only expressions he ever wore when anyone other than Levi was in the room. The tone of his voice
had always been measured, but now it was careful, polite, and emotionless.

Still, even when the mask was up, Erwin and Levi were inseparable. Ultimately, it was Erwin’s
vision guiding the Survey Corps, but the two of them stood side-by-side at the helm. Erwin took
the lead on finances and long-term planning, while Levi took on many of the day-to-day issues
involving the soldiers. The strength of their joint leadership was invaluable, as was their ability to
read each other on the battlefield.

This shared drive was a double-edged sword. It was too easy to lose themselves in their work, too
easy to forget they were Erwin and Levi, not just Commander and Captain. Once they were in
private, they were still the same lovestruck men who had wrestled in the snow in Utopia District,
but it was getting increasingly difficult to find private time. Even on the nights they made love, it
was increasingly common for one of them to awaken to a cold, lonely bed while the other sat at the
desk by lamplight.

By the end of year 848, they had begun carefully scheduling three nights a week together, from
midnight until reveille. It seemed to be the only way to ensure they kept their romance strong—
and, as a bonus, it forced them to get a decent amount of sleep a few nights a week. Maybe it
wasn’t as spontaneous as they would have liked, but there didn’t seem to be any other solution for
now. They had always known their duties took priority over their relationship. Until humanity was
free, they were not.

Still, a part of Levi missed the early days of their relationship, when the reclamation of Wall Maria
had seemed impossibly far away. It had been easier back then to fool themselves into thinking they
had time to lounge around together.

And so, he was relieved when one warm spring night in 849, Erwin spoke up from his side of the
bed: “We should go away together.”

Levi rolled over to face him. “Yeah?”

“A few months from now. Let’s set aside a week, make some excuse, and forget all this for a
while.” Erwin laid a hand along Levi’s jaw, tracing his lower lip with his thumb. “I want one last
chance to enjoy ourselves before the final push to reclaim Wall Maria.”

“You think we’re going to die in the push.”

“It’s likely at least one of us will.” Erwin’s gaze was so sad, so painful, that Levi found himself
wishing for his emotionless mask to go up instead.

“We’re not going to die.” He kissed Erwin’s thumb. “But sure, I’ll go away with you.”

“Maybe the end of the summer. Between expeditions, so it won’t impact our schedule.”

“Sounds good.” Levi slid across the mattress to seal the agreement with a kiss.

But urgent tasks stole time from them night after night, week after week, and when they finally had
a moment to lift their heads, summer was already ending.

-25-

Warning

September 849

“Captain.”

Levi looked up from his desk to see Eld and Petra standing in the doorway of his office. His eyes
drifted to a stack of papers in Petra’s hand. She had mentioned something about paperwork during
lunch; he hadn’t paid much attention. “Okay, grab a seat.”
The soldiers nodded and pulled up chairs across from him. Petra slid the papers across the top of
the desk.

Levi was so fatigued that the numbers blurred. He flipped through a few pages, frowning. “What
am I looking at?”

“Salary guidelines and my pay stubs, Captain.” Petra politely smiled, her gaze ducking away from
his. She had been doing that a lot lately, and he was beginning to wonder if he had offended her
without realizing it.

“And?”

Eld sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “She’s being underpaid. She doesn’t want to say
anything because she’s stubborn.”

“No, because I don’t want to seem like the only reason I’m here is to get paid.” Her eyes narrowed
at him. “I don’t want to cause a fuss—”

“Your family needs the money.”

“Both of you, shut up.” Levi was running on two hours of sleep, and his head throbbed. It was
aggravating enough that heavy rainfall had been drumming at the windows all day; their rising
voices weren’t helping his headache. “Petra, why aren’t we paying you enough?”

Her cheeks darkened. “I think it’s something to do with my transfer, Captain. The accountants
probably don’t realize I was in the military for more than a year before I came here, so I’m still
getting rookie pay.”

Erwin’s not going to like this . Levi leaned back in his chair. One of their major investment sources
had just dried up—something to do with squabbles over a will—and Petra’s back pay would add up
to a sizable amount. He took a long sip of tea, then set down his mug. “Is Oluo having the same
problem?”

Her mouth twisted as if she had eaten something unpleasant. “I haven’t asked.”

“Well, he’s meeting with Erwin next door. We’ll ask when they’re done.” Levi rocked his chair
forward, setting all four legs on the ground, and pulled out a ledger. “Let’s figure out what we owe
you while we’re waiting.” He wasn’t great with words, but he was good with numbers.

The three of them were only a few minutes into the task when a knock sounded at the door.

“What?” Levi called.

The door opened, and Oluo walked in, smoothing a ridiculous copycat cravat he had recently
started wearing. “Captain, I can’t find Commander Erwin anywhere.”

Levi tried to blink the clerical fog from his mind. “He’s not in his office?”

“No.” Oluo ran a hand through his curly hair, his face tightening with an arrogant expression. “We
had a meeting for five o’clock on the dot, and I’ve been waiting twenty minutes. I can’t write my
monthly report to Commander Nile without him, but I can’t wait around all day for him. My time is
valuable.”

Oluo was one hell of a soldier and he had a good heart, but he had the unique ability to annoy
everyone who came near him. Levi felt his skin begin to crawl with irritation at the arrogant tone.
“Did you check the research lab?”

“Of course.”

“The mess hall? The bathroom? Maybe he’s taking a really long shit.”

“Checked. Not there. He’s not in the gym, either.”

Levi glanced at the window. The rain was coming down so hard that it sounded like hail. His
mouth flattened. Ah. Rainstorms like this did strange things to Erwin’s mood. “I know where he is.
Talk to Eld and Petra about this clerical problem while I’m gone. Figure out if it affects you, too.”

“Captain, maybe we’d be better off summarizing it for him in a letter when we’re done,” Petra
said.

“A clerical problem? I’m sure you could both benefit from my experience.” Oluo pulled up a chair.
“After all, the Captain and the Commander entrust me with direct communication with
Commander Nile, and—”

Levi stepped out of his office, closed the door behind him, and shook his head.

He strode through the hallway, ignoring the soldiers who greeted him along the way. Making sure
no eyes were on him, he ducked down the hallway to the unused portion of the building, then made
his way to the guard tower door. The broken lock here still gave the illusion that the door was
sealed off. Levi had suggested installing an actual lock—they made use of the tower often enough
that someone was bound to discover their secret sooner or later—but Erwin had muttered some
excuse about a new lock only drawing attention to it. Levi suspected he was just too cheap.

The door closed behind him, immersing him in darkness. He paced his way to the ladder by
memory and began to climb.

He opened the trap door to the guard tower, and was immediately bombarded by raindrops so large
and warm that they felt slimy. Erwin was perched against the small wall lining the top of the tower,
his back to the trap door. He seemed to be staring across the city, though the fog was so thick that
Levi couldn’t even see the rooftops of the buildings around them.

He let the trap door fall closed. Though Erwin didn’t turn around, his posture straightened a little at
the sound. His hair was dripping and his jacket was dark with moisture.

“You’re soaking wet.” Levi padded closer, then leaned against the wall beside him.

Erwin’s voice was quiet: “When it rains like this, the city smells like the land outside Wall Maria.”

“You think so? Still smells like garbage and piss to me.” Levi noticed Erwin was clutching an
envelope to his chest. “Is this a normal rainy day sulk, or is that bad news?”

Erwin looked blankly down at the letter, as if he had forgotten about it. “It’s from Helena.”

“Your sister?” Levi swabbed raindrops off his face. “I thought I told her to stay away from you.”

“This is the first I’ve heard from her since our meeting a few years back.” His face hardened. “She
wants to meet tomorrow at an apartment in a small town in Wall Rose.”

The jumping muscle in his jaw wasn’t enough information—was he angry? Worried? Levi edged
closer to him. “You going?”
“I’d be travelling through the town on the way to Mitras, anyway. The timing is more than a little
coincidental.” A pause. “I can’t figure out what spurred her to reach out to me after such a final
visit last time. My imagination is not being kind to me.”

Levi didn’t hesitate: “I’m coming with you.” The original plan had been for him to stay behind and
train some of the newer recruits, but Mike could handle that alone. He wasn’t about to let Erwin go
into family drama unprotected, particularly when Tessa—or Helena, or whatever her name was—
had said Erwin would be in a coffin the next time they met.

The blue gaze fixed on him for a moment. Levi held it, unyielding. At last, Erwin gave him a polite
smile. Levi hated that smile; it was worse than a frown. It meant Erwin was suffering and he
wanted to do it alone. Self-sacrificing asshole.

“ We’ll leave at eight thirty tomorrow morning,” Erwin said. “Unfortunately, that means we won’t
be spending tonight together as planned—you’ll need to sort out the training in your absence, and I
have a bit of extra paperwork to do.”

“So make it up to me while we’re in the Capital.” Levi stood. “Now come inside. You’re getting
drenched, and Oluo’s been waiting twenty minutes for—” He stopped as he saw Erwin’s face fall.
“What now?”

“Oluo’s report,” Erwin said. “It’s September already, isn’t it?”

“Yeah?”

“We had planned to go away together.”

“It can wait,” Levi said with a shrug, trying not to show his disappointment. “We’ve been busy.”
Busy was an understatement. First there had been the expedition at the end of July, then Erwin had
been in the Capital alone for nearly two weeks. After one frantic night together, Levi had left on a
three week scouting mission. Last night’s reunion had been cut short by their work on the reports
for Erwin’s upcoming trip. Just thinking about it all, he felt loneliness pit in his stomach, cold and
hollow. There’s never any time.

“ I’m sorry, Levi,” Erwin said quietly. “It was really important to me that we go away this August
—it’s been my plan for a long time. I’m disappointed that I let it slip by.”

Levi sighed. He pressed a cheek to Erwin’s chest and snaked his arms around him. The cloth was
damp. Beneath it, he could hear Erwin’s heartbeat, strong and fast.

“Look,” he said. “Stop looking for things to feel bad about. We were both busy, not just you.
Besides, we’ve got enough stress already.” He closed his eyes, feeling raindrops seep through his
hair and trickle down his scalp.

Erwin’s arms wrapped around him, his embrace tight. “After our next expedition, let’s go away.
For real, this time. How does a few days in Ehrmich sound? We can use the excuse that we’re
inspecting the empty Survey Corps base, but stay in our apartment.”

“I’ve never been to Ehrmich,” Levi said.

“It’s not quite as fancy as the last time we went away, but there are some scenic places to visit.
There’s … ” Erwin hesitated. “There’s a small hill overlooking the city, and I think you’d like the
view. Maybe we can go for a hike together.”

Levi’s breath caught. He recalled August and Emil and their trip up the hill, their celebration of
three-and-a-half years since they had first started dating. He had replayed that conversation in his
head countless times over the past three years, wondering if Erwin would follow through.

Nuzzling against the broad chest, he said, “Sure, let’s go on that hike.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I bet I’ll like what I see when the sun sets.”

Beneath his ear, Erwin’s heart began to beat faster.

That night, Levi met Mike in the mess hall for some ale. They took a small table together, and
Mike listened quietly while Levi covered all the training instructions. Once he was done, there was
still a half-full bottle for each of them to get through. For several minutes, the only sound was the
occasional sip of ale and then the thunk of glass on wood. This was the most awkward silence
between them yet, and Levi couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hey, you okay?”

Mike shrugged. “Why?”

“You’re quiet.”

Mike looked down, the dark blond fringe covering his eyes. He absently peeled at his bottle label.

“Couldn’t shut you up, once,” Levi continued. “Always had a story to tell.”

“Most of the people in those stories are dead now.”

“Huh.” Levi took a long swallow of ale. “Guess it wears on a person.”

“Yeah. Start wondering who will be next. Maybe someone you care about more than you should.”
Mike drained the rest of his bottle.

“Oh.” Levi watched him, wondering who he meant. His first instinct was Hange, but that seemed
unlikely given that Mike was scent-oriented and Hange seemed to have given up on voluntarily
bathing. Nanaba? Lynne? … Gelgar? Usually he had a good sense of who was fucking whom
around the base, but he hadn’t noticed anything unusual about Mike lately, even when they had
been on the field together. Maybe he had just been too absorbed with his work to notice.

“Maybe I’ll feel chattier when we win back Wall Maria,” Mike said. “Except the closer we get, the
further away it feels.”

“Won’t be much longer now. Six more months, tops.” Levi drained the rest of the bottle. “This is
depressing. Want to go spar?”

“Now?”

“I know it’s late, but I’m heading to the Capital tomorrow, and fuck knows when I’ll be back.”

Mike appeared to be considering the offer. He stood. “Should we invite Erwin?”

“I’ll ask, but I doubt he’ll have time. I’ll check with four-eyes, too.” Hange was a bit weaker in a
fight than the rest of them, but seemed to take strange delight in taking stupid risks in the fray.
Their first sparring session had ended with Hange cackling on the ground with broken goggles and
a nosebleed. Levi had sincerely feared for the Squad Leader’s state of mind.

His first stop was Erwin’s office. Not bothering to knock, he opened the door.

Two sets of eyes looked up at him; Petra was sitting at his desk. Right, she was going to talk to him
about the pay issue.

Levi slumped against the doorframe. “Mike and I are sparring for a bit. You have time, Erwin?”

Erwin’s brows cocked. “It’s nine o’clock at night.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“I have time, Captain,” Petra said quickly.

Levi eyed her. “Think you can keep up?”

Defiance sparked in her eyes for just a moment before it was overcome by her usual pleasant
expression. “I think I did pretty well last time we sparred.”

“You mean that time I was drunk off my ass and you had your gear?” He turned away. “Sure, try
it, if you want. And Erwin, don’t forget to sleep tonight. You’re no good to us if you’re dead on
your feet at the Capital.”

Hange’s office was empty, so Levi went downstairs to the lab. Hange was stabbing a large, barbed
hook into a thick canvas, and Moblit was taking notes.

“Hey, shitglasses,” Levi said, cocking his nose at the Squad Leader. “Take a break and come spar
with Mike and me.”

Hange knelt down to peer at the canvas. “If we perfect this design, Erwin’s going to hire a contact
to make a bunch of these out of the same material as our blades.”

Levi sighed and turned to Moblit. “How about you, scribbles?”

“Not tonight, Captain. Sorry.” Moblit knelt beside his Squad Leader, sketching.

It wasn’t quite the turnout Levi had hoped for, but at least Petra’s presence would add some variety
to their routine. She was stretching her legs in the gym when Levi arrived. She was dressed in
simple black workout gear, her hair pulled back in a half-ponytail. As he approached, she hopped
to her feet and saluted. He waved her down.

“You’re jumpy today.”

“Sorry, Captain.” She was staring fixedly at his bare chest, as if avoiding his gaze. He wondered if
it had been a mistake to wear his gym gear. His squad wasn’t accustomed to seeing him out of
uniform; this might be breaking his illusion of leadership. Or maybe her discomfort had nothing to
do with him at all.

“Someone piss you off or something?” he asked. “Erwin? Oluo?”

“No. I mean, Oluo’s annoying, but I’m fine.” She grimaced and added under her breath, “Really,
really annoying.”

“Oh?” he asked, even though he knew.

She sighed. “You must have noticed he’s been dressing like you and trying to talk like you,
Captain. And he’s always bragging about how you and Commander Erwin entrust him with
important reports to the Capital.”

“He does all that because he’s insecure. See through that, and it won’t bother you as much. He’ll
grow out of it one day, anyway.” Levi swung his arms, trying to loosen them up. His back was stiff
from sitting at his desk all day. “You don’t have to like each other, but don’t let interpersonal shit
affect your opinion of him on the battlefield. You two work well together, and I don’t want you
losing that.” He stepped into the ring. “Now let’s see what you’ve got while we’re waiting for
Mike.”

“Okay, Captain.” She stood opposite him, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Light flared in her
eyes, that same defiance he frequently saw on the battlefield. Petra had a deep aggressive streak
beneath that gracious exterior, and he was interested to see how she would use it in a sparring
match.

His eyes trailed down her body as he sized her up. Her height was going to prove interesting—he
was accustomed to fighting opponents who were taller than him. However, she was too upright, too
tense. She must be overthinking the positions of her limbs. Erwin had a tendency to do that, too.

She stepped forward with a punch that would have been strong enough to catch most opponents,
but Levi easily sidestepped, then spun around her follow-up punch. He tapped the back of her head.

“Hey!” She whirled to face him. “Don’t just dodge around me. Fight m—”

He dove in low and caught her by the collar and the waistband, hoisted her over his head, and
gently dropped her onto her back on the mat. She landed with an oof. He stood over her, staring
down his nose.

“You’re trying to press the offense by beating my speed, but you can’t,” he said. “You’ve gotten
too used to big, slow targets. The way you fought me as Sofi Lalonde was by anticipating a
human’s movements and instinctively reacting to everything I did. Don’t lose that.”

She stared up at him, eyes wide. “You remembered my fake name.”

He shrugged. It wasn’t often that someone kicked the shit out of him. “Get up.”

After a few more minutes, Petra seemed to warm up, her attacks posing a mild challenge now. She
was definitely one of the better soldiers he had fought hand-to-hand—she used her petite height to
her advantage, and she was quick to capitalize on every opening he offered.

Mike arrived a few minutes later with Lynne and Gelgar in tow. Levi stepped aside, letting Mike
and Petra spar for a few minutes. She fared far better against Mike; he kept getting caught off
guard by her aggressive counterattacks. He finally dropped her, and she moved to step out of the
ring.

“Not yet,” Levi said. “Lynne, fight her.”

Petra’s brows rose, but Levi only folded his arms over his chest. He needed to keep his squad at the
top of their game, and a person’s weaknesses were clearest when they got tired and sloppy. He
would be doing the girl a disservice if he didn’t have any improvements to suggest.

Lynne was fast on the gear in the field, but slow at hand-to-hand. Petra had the upper hand from
the beginning and easily won the match. She also revealed the weakness Levi had been seeking.
“Petra, come here,” he said once the match was over. He grabbed her shoulders and set her in
stance away from the others. “Throw a right punch.” He stood beside her and placed a single finger
against her right hip bone.

“Um, Captain,” she said.

“I’m making a point. Throw a right, then hold your stance with your punch extended.”

She did so, her hips twisting.

“Look how far forward my finger is,” he said. “Now throw a left and do the same.” He moved to
her other side, placing a finger on her left hip. This time, her hip only moved a couple centimetres.
“Look where my finger is.”

“Oh. I’m not twisting my hips enough on that side, am I?”

“No, and it’s cutting your power in half. When I get back from the Capital, I’m going to test this
again, so work on it. We’ll be doing gear training, too, and I want you to show me right and left
strikes. Maybe you’re doing the same thing in the air, and that’s why your left strike is so weak.”
His nose wrinkled as he noticed the acrid smell coming off her. “But wash your workout clothes
first.”

“Oh!” She stepped away, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Do I stink?”

He hesitated at the horror on her face. This is probably one of those situations where I should have
kept my mouth shut. “ Well, you just fought three fights in a row. Anyone would stink after that.”

“Oh,” she said again, her face crimson. “Sorry, Captain. Thank you for taking the time to train me.
I’ll go wash up.” She whirled on her heel and marched to the door.

As the door closed, Mike stepped up to Levi’s side. “You’re an asshole.”

“What?”

“She’s tripping over herself to impress her Captain, and you didn’t say one nice thing about her
fighting, then told her she stank.” Mike’s arms folded over his chest. “She smelled fine, by the
way. Maybe you just don’t like the way women smell.”

“She’s a soldier. She can take it,” Levi said, but he found himself thinking Mike was right. Why am
I so hard on her? Even as he was thinking it, he knew the answer: because she reminded him so
much of Isabel. He wanted to make sure that this time, he trained her right. He wanted her to be
able to defend herself against any threat that came her way.

He let out a low sigh. Petra isn’t Isabel. She’s survived dozens of fights already. You can’t change
the past, so let it go.

“ Come on.” Mike clapped a hand on his shoulder and cocked his head toward the ring.

Levi nodded and fell into step beside him.

He spent the next hour sparring and, when he wasn’t in the ring, carefully studying the others.
Every soldier had a unique fighting style, and there were things he could learn from each of them
—new moves, or habits to avoid. By the time he sank into the cold bath upstairs, his muscles
ached and his mind was alight.
He poked his head into Erwin’s office around eleven o’clock. “Hey.”

Erwin looked up from his paperwork, his eyes glazed. “Come in.”

Levi shut the door, then dropped onto the couch. “Have time to take a break?”

“Not really, but I have a contract to read through, so I could get away from my desk and sit with
you for a bit.”

“Sure.”

Erwin tucked a stack of papers under his arm and gripped a tea mug, then sat on the couch next to
Levi. He held out the mug. Levi accepted it and took a sip: black tea with a hint of brandy.

“You’re drinking?”

“Only a little. Not sure I can get through this bullshit without it.” Erwin leaned over to kiss Levi’s
cheek, then paused. “You bathed already.”

“Were you hoping my hair was wet because it was dripping with sweat, you pervert?”

“Probably a good thing it’s not. I don’t think I could withstand the allure of your sweat right now.”
Erwin gave a soft, breathy kiss to his jaw.

Levi pulled away. “The door’s unlocked.”

“Ah. Then I’ll be good.” Erwin took the cup back, grabbing it with a distinctively clawed hand the
way Levi did. He had started doing that at some point over the last couple years, and Levi couldn’t
tell if it was intentional or accidental. He didn’t want to ask for fear that pointing it out would
embarrass him and make him stop. There was something flattering about him copying Levi’s
movements. Levi had probably picked up some of Erwin’s habits without realizing it, too.

“How was sparring with Petra?”

“She isn’t bad. Mike said I was being an asshole to her, though.”

“I can’t imagine.” Erwin smiled. “Our workload has grown so much that I’m thinking it’s time to
finally start training a fourth Squad Leader. Is Petra a good candidate?”

Levi considered. “She’s got the right demeanour for it, but she’s still too green. Always trying to
impress her superiors instead of thinking for herself. Eld’s a better fit, but needs a bit more time.
Maybe give him another year.”

“Anyone else leap to mind? Maybe someone from Mike or Hange’s squads?” Erwin took another
sip of his drink, then held it out again. Levi accepted it. The alcohol was stronger nearer the
bottom.

“Probably Nanaba and Dita.” He yawned so hard that tears welled in his eyes. Sparring had taken it
out of him more than he had realized.

“Okay. I’ll get Hange and Mike’s opinions on all this, too. Maybe we can time this to have a fourth
Squad Leader in place for the wall reclamation effort.” Erwin held out a hand to take back the
drink. Levi drained the rest of it, then placed the empty mug in his hand.

Erwin stared into the bottom of the mug. “I was hoping you’d save me a little bit.”
“There was too much liquor at the bottom. You can’t read your contract if you get drunk.” Levi
leaned against his shoulder, his eyelids heavy.

“Always looking out for me.”

“Mm.” It was suddenly too much effort to form words.

“Are you falling asleep? Don’t tell me the liquor hit you that quickly.”

“Shut up,” Levi mumbled, too tired to explain that he was tired from sparring.

He felt a soft kiss press into the top of his hair, and then he began to drift. He didn’t realize he had
fallen asleep until Erwin’s voice woke him up:

“Levi.”

“Hm?” He opened his eyes and immediately noticed his neck was stiff. He sat up, rolling his head
to stretch it. “Did I fall asleep?”

Erwin smiled. “For about an hour. Snoring and everything.”

“Holy shit.” He was embarrassed to see a damp spot on Erwin’s shoulder; he wiped his mouth with
the back of his hand. “Didn’t realize I was so tired. Maybe I should go to bed.” He paused. “Am I
sleeping in my bed tonight, or yours?”

“Probably yours, though I wish I could join you. I have some more work to do before we leave.”
Erwin smoothed the bangs from Levi’s forehead and pressed a kiss into the centre of it. He smelled
of sweat, cologne, spiced tea, brandy, and, faintly, coffee.

Levi breathed in the scent, tasting it. Maybe you just don’t like the way women smell, Mike had
said, but it was more than that, because Levi didn’t like the way men smelled, either. All his
previous lovers stank. Not Erwin. No matter how strong his smell, it still made Levi glow—
especially now, when he was pent up. One night of frantic sex wasn’t nearly enough release after
such a long scouting mission.

“We’ll have time for sex in the Capital, right?” he murmured.

Erwin pulled away to look at him, face solemn. “Every single night.”

“Good.”

They exchanged a shallow kiss, both too paranoid about the door to relax into it.

“See you at eight thirty in the courtyard.” Erwin strode over to his desk and began to arrange stacks
of paper. “Come in plainclothes; we don’t want to be in uniform when we meet my sister. Bring at
least one more set of plainclothes in addition to your uniforms, as well as a suit. We’ll be doing
more than just speaking in front of the Council during this trip.”

“Sure. Goodnight, Erwin.”

“Goodnight, Levi.”

Without looking back, Levi left the office. He shuffled to his room, removed his boots and
collapsed on the bed.
Morning came too soon.

Levi usually awoke an hour before reveille, but this time he woke up with the bells, the room
already orange with the light from the sunrise. He dragged himself to the bathroom to clean up,
annoyed that he didn’t have his usual peace and quiet. At least it was a heated bath day; he soaked
for longer than necessary, his muscles sore from sparring. He had a lengthy breakfast and three
cups of tea, keeping an eye out for Erwin, but he didn’t appear.

Once he had finished packing the last of his things, he carried the trunk next door to Erwin’s
bedroom. Shortly after Berit had left the Survey Corps, Erwin had shuffled the room arrangements,
carefully placing their rooms side by side against the wall of the building. When they were in
Erwin’s room, they had a one room buffer, and it was only Mike on the other side. Below them
was the furnace room. Now the only occasion to muffle themselves was during expeditions, though
of course they couldn’t outright yell unless they were in their apartment in town. Levi sometimes
wondered what the apartment neighbours must think went on in there.

He knocked on Erwin’s door, but there was no response. Levi frowned. He knew what that meant.

Leaving the trunk in the hallway, he strode to Erwin’s office and threw open the door. “You didn’t
sleep.”

Erwin looked up from his desk, surprise on his face. “Is it morning already?”

“Didn’t you hear reveille?”

“I suppose I was distracted.” His eyes were sunken, the skin around them dark. “What time is it?”

“Eight.”

“I see.” Erwin raked a hand through his hair. “I haven’t even started packing.”

“The hell’s the hold up?” Levi strode across the room and perched on the corner of the desk,
looking down at the document. The printed text across the top read, Application for Military
Promotion. Had Erwin chosen a new Squad Leader already? It wasn’t like him to make any
personnel changes without running them past Levi first. “Who’s getting promoted?”

Erwin smiled. “You.”

“Me?”

“September marks your fifth anniversary with the Survey Corps, which means you’re formally
eligible to hold the rank of Captain. We’ve been referring to you by that rank for long enough—it’s
about time you got the proper pay and military recognition for it.”

“Huh,” Levi said. “Can we afford that?”

“We’ll make it work. It’s important that every soldier receives fair compensation for their duties.”
Erwin stood and began to gather his papers. “I’m afraid my work is scattered around my office. It’ll
take me a few minutes to get everything in order.”

“Get everything you need here, then go get cleaned up,” Levi said. “I’ll pack your trunk.”

Erwin gave him a nod that conveyed gratitude. “Thank you, Levi. I’ll see you in the courtyard in
fifteen minutes.”
“Make sure you eat something,” Levi said as he left the room, because he knew Erwin would
forget without a reminder. For someone who commanded an entire branch of the military, he was
surprisingly terrible at taking care of his own needs.

As was typical after a series of long work nights, the floor of Erwin’s room was littered with books
and clothes. He always made the effort to tidy up before Levi spent the night, but this was a more
spontaneous visit. Levi wrinkled his nose and began to deposit the clothes into the laundry hamper.
He paused to lift one of the dress shirts to his face, breathing in the collar: Erwin’s cologne, soap,
and shampoo. His heart began to pound. I wonder if he’s going to be too tired to fuck in the
carriage?

Perhaps it was his pent-up libido that guided him as he packed two bottles of lubricant, a small toy,
and that little pair of black underwear that tended to ride a little too far up Erwin’s ass. Once that
was taken care of, he turned to the necessities: a spare uniform, a few sets of plainclothes, a suit,
and then all his toiletries.

Lastly, he grabbed the book from Erwin’s nightstand, being careful to keep the bookmark in place.
On rare occasions when they had spare time, he enjoyed snuggling up together as Erwin read.
Maybe they would have a quiet moment to themselves at the hotel.

With one last scan of the room, he shut the trunk and hauled it downstairs.

He found Erwin in the courtyard speaking with the driver. Once they had confirmed their route and
their things were safely stowed, the two men settled into the carriage, facing each other. Erwin’s
eyes were cold. His mask is on, Levi thought. Given that they were about to face his sister, that
made sense.

“Levi?” He must have been staring.

With a shrug, Levi looked down. “Can’t read you when you’re wearing that dumb expression.”

“Ah. Am I doing it again?”

“Yeah, but I get it. You’ve got a lot on your mind.”

“No, I apologize. I don’t mean to seem cold.” Erwin carefully crossed the cabin and sat beside
Levi. “I’m trying to figure out what my sister could possibly want. My mind is racing with
possibilities, all of them dismal. Truth be told, part of the reason I stayed up all night was because I
was afraid of the ways my mind might taunt me if I didn’t keep it occupied.” He shifted closer, a
hand settling on Levi’s knee. “Even when I recognize that my mind is giving me irrational
possibilities, I can’t seem to block them out. Particularly when I’m tired.”

That hand on Levi’s knee was breaking the ice between them. It always seemed to be that way
lately: the walls between their business and personal sides crumbled when they touched. Levi ran
his fingertips in slow circles over the back of Erwin’s hand, feeling the faint, sparse blond hair, and
the familiar lines of the tendons beneath it. “You think she’s in some kind of trouble.”

“Maybe. Or maybe my mother is dead. Or—” The word ended too abruptly, and then there was
silence.

“You need sleep. You get paranoid when you’re tired.”

“I know.”

When Levi finally dared to look up, he was relieved to see vulnerability on Erwin’s face. He
reached up to trace the jaw, faintly stubbled blond. “Lay your head in my lap. I’ll watch over you.”

“But what about you?” Erwin’s voice had finally softened. “You must still need to vent some
energy after your mission. I’m sure the other night wasn’t enough.”

“I’m that predictable?” Levi said, hoping his desperation wasn’t showing on his face.

“Well … ” The hand on his knee tightened as Erwin leaned down to press a soft kiss below his
jaw. “You aren’t the only one who needs it.” The cold tip of his nose nuzzled Levi’s ear.

A shiver ran down Levi’s spine, but he knew there were more important things right now than their
dicks. The upcoming meeting might require some delicate manoeuvring, so Erwin needed to be
alert. His groin ached in protest as he forced out the words: “Later. You’re going to be useless if
you don’t get any sleep.”

“Very well. We’ll take good care of you tonight.” Erwin kissed his ear, then pulled away.

Levi drew in a shaky breath. He settled in the corner, and Erwin laid his head in his lap, stretching
out across the makeshift bed. The blue eyes were still open, staring at nothing. Levi slid his palm
across them, encouraging the eyelids to close. “Stop thinking.”

The eyelashes parted again. “I’m too wound up.”

“Focus on my hand.” Levi began to comb his fingers through the blond hair, moving slowly,
scratching the scalp.

“Mm. That feels good.”

“Close your eyes. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Gradually, Erwin’s expression relaxed, his breaths loud and even.

Levi stilled his hand, watching him. They had been together for long enough that it was easy to
forget how handsome Erwin was, and he liked to study his sleeping face once in a while to remind
himself. The brows had seemed abnormally thick and severe when they had first met, but now Levi
couldn’t picture him without them. A few hairs there were white, and in his undercut, too. Faint
lines were barely visible in the corners of his eyes; they had developed so gradually that Levi
couldn’t remember when they had first appeared. Otherwise, he still looked young for a man in his
mid-thirties, a surprise given the stress of their lifestyle. Part of that, no doubt, was due to the
perfectly impassive face he wore during most of his waking hours.

Warmth swelled in his chest. This man loves me. That fact still seemed impossible when he
weighed himself against Erwin’s beauty, intelligence, and drive. He wondered if it would ever stop
feeling surreal.

He shook his head at his train of thought. If I’m feeling this sappy, that probably means I need
sleep, too. He leaned back against the corner of the carriage and closed his eyes, content.

A knock startled him awake. He sat up, feeling as if only seconds had passed. The carriage had
stopped moving, and Erwin was still asleep in his lap. At some point during their slumber, their
hands had intertwined over his chest. A corner of Levi’s mouth lifted. Cute.

“ Commander?” the driver called from the other side of the door. “Captain?”

“Are we there?” Levi asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay, just a second.” Levi nudged Erwin’s head with his thigh to wake him up. A wave of
discomfort shot through his leg, and he cringed. My leg’s asleep.

“ Just a bit longer,” Erwin mumbled, eyes still closed.

“Get up. Your fat head is crushing my leg.” He struggled out from underneath him and stood.
Painful tingles travelled through his heavy leg. “Dammit.” He stomped the floor a few times,
trying to get blood flowing properly through it.

Erwin slid upright, limbs and neck limp. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to do this meeting
without me?”

“Think for a second about how that would go and then ask me again.”

Erwin paused. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

Levi opened the door and hobbled down the stairs.

“Address is just around the corner, sir,” the driver said, tipping her hat. “I’ll stay here, as requested.
It’ll just look like I’m resupplying.” She motioned at the buildings, and he realized she had stopped
outside a general store.

“Good thinking.” Levi straightened his outfit: black pants, a dusty blue long-sleeved shirt and
black boots. He was so accustomed to wearing the Survey Corps uniform that he always felt a little
insecure without the 3DMG harness, as if he would float away or slowly expand without it holding
him together. He opened the trunk in the luggage compartment and, making sure he wasn’t seen,
he tucked an extra knife into his boot, then a small hook blade up one sleeve. With any luck, he
wouldn’t need them, but he didn’t trust the Wallists.

Erwin stepped out of the carriage, his face grim. “We have a bit of time before we need to be in
place. Let’s find something to eat.”

They found a small cafe across from their destination where they could use the bathroom, then
have a small snack and a hot beverage. Levi kept his eyes trained across the street, watching for
any hints of an ambush. It certainly didn’t look like an ideal trap location. The building was a
square apartment block, the tiles on the roof nearly invisible under moss. Four children were
playing in front of it, throwing a small ball back and forth, hurrying to the side whenever they
needed to let carts or horses pass. He glanced at Erwin and saw Erwin watching them, his brows
pinched, his mouth flat. It was an expression of regret. With Erwin, that could mean several
different things. Maybe he’s thinking of his own childhood, of the innocence he’s lost. Or maybe
he’s thinking about the children he’ll never have. He slid his boot forward to press against Erwin’s
under the table.

Erwin’s face flickered, then settled into neutral as he turned to Levi. “Unless they set up hours ago,
it doesn’t look like an ambush.”

“No.”

“Still, if we’re in danger, do not hesitate. You have my permission to take whatever measures you
see fit.” Erwin’s gaze hardened. “Our safety is your number one priority. I’m trusting your instincts
above all else, and I will back any action you take. Understood?”

“Okay, Erwin,” Levi said, his stomach twisting.

Erwin stood, setting a stack of coins on the table. “Let’s head over.”

As they approached the apartment, Erwin kept his face neutral, taking slow, steadying breaths. His
fist was heavy as he raised it to knock once, twice.

The door swung open to reveal his sister. She glanced quickly around him, then stepped aside.
“Hurry.”

Levi stepped in first, and Erwin followed. The door closed behind them, and Helena lit the lamp.

A figure sat on the bed in front of them, hunched. A hood blocked out most of its face.

Erwin’s breath caught and he took a step closer. The figure stood to her full height, lifting her chin.
Her features were sunken, her skin wrinkled, but beneath all that, her face was so familiar that
Erwin instantly felt as if he were a child again. His heart pounded in his throat.

“Mama, you shouldn’t be standing,” Helena said, rushing to the woman’s side and helping her to a
seat on the bed.

Levi stepped closer, his voice quiet. “No signs of an ambush.”

“Thank you, Levi.” Erwin couldn’t stop staring at his mother. He had been pre-pubescent when he
had left home, but he remembered her being tall, with broad shoulders and a quick temper. Had she
always been so tiny? She was barely Levi’s height.

“Sit down, Erwin,” Helena said. “Your little bodyguard can wait outside.”

“Levi stays.” Instead of sitting, he moved forward, stopping at the foot of the bed. He stared down
at his mother. Sometimes, late at night, when his mind spiralled out of control, he fantasized about
what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. Their parting argument had faded in his
memory, but the wounds it had left had never fully healed. For the first time he wondered if he had
marked her in the same way. The world was a lot less black-and-white now than it had been at
fourteen, and he was sure he must have said things to her that had been unfair.

“Bend down so I can see you.” It was Mama’s voice but not, frayed at the edges, ground away. He
studied her for a moment longer, then sank to one knee. Her eyes searched his, and he was
surprised by how defeated she looked. Once, the spark in her eyes had been stronger than Papa’s,
stronger than Helena’s. What have the Wallists done to you?

She reached out for his face. “You look so much like your father,” she whispered, and pain shot
through his chest. He redirected her hand and stood.

“Why did you ask to see me?”

“Sit,” Helena said again, more forcefully this time.

“Very well.” Erwin pulled out two chairs from the side table, offering one to Levi, who dropped
into his chair and sat with his legs crossed, eyes trained on the women. Erwin sat next to him, his
mind racing.

“Mama insisted on warning you,” Helena said, taking one of her mother’s hands into her own.

“Warning me?”
“She’s been frail lately, so this trip isn’t easy on her.”

“Stop fussing. I’m fine.” Their mother snatched her hand away. “Just give me a moment. I haven’t
seen my son in twenty damned years.”

Erwin’s jaw clenched. “We’re on a tight schedule. What are you warning me about?”

“I said, just give me a moment!” There was that fire he remembered, and suddenly he was fourteen
again, and she was shouting at him: … your fault he’s dead … Tears had streamed down his
cheeks, a string of ugly words sliding from his lips as he had shoved the last of his belongings into
a bag: … cowardly woman, hiding away while humanity suffers …

His jaw was quivering, so he clenched it. “Our carriage is waiting outside.”

“We’re putting ourselves at great risk by coming here,” Helena growled, “so you will show some
respect to your mother.”

“It’s about a member of the Council,” his mother said. “A brother of the Faith.”

Minister Nick, Erwin thought. The minister was the Wallist appointee to the Council; he had
replaced Lord Fromm about a year ago. The sudden injection of religion into politics was
unprecedented, and even Commander-in-Chief Zackly had been unable to explain it. Erwin had
tried to find common ground with the new appointee, but had only been met with Wallist rhetoric:
the walls were sacred; the Survey Corps was committing blasphemy by travelling outside them;
repairing Wall Maria would be akin to defiling a sacred goddess. The minister’s presence was
increasingly problematic, and Erwin hadn’t yet figured out how to deal with him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Levi beat him to it: “You mean Minister Nick?”

“No,” she said. “Brother Étienne.”

Levi’s brow furrowed. “Who the hell—?”

“It’s a pseudonym,” Erwin said, remembering that Helena went by Tessa now. His own
background checks on Minister Nick suggested it wasn’t his real name, either.

“Many of our parishioners choose new names to give themselves a sense of rebirth,” said his
mother. “You know Brother Étienne better as Lord Martin Sahlo.”

Erwin let out a low sigh. Shit.

Levi turned to him. “What the hell? Sahlo’s a Wallfucker?”

The woman’s eyes shifted to Levi for a moment, a brow rising, before she looked at her son again.
“Étienne only began attending weekly a year ago, but he has quickly become an important member
of the Church. He recently made arrangements to support Minister Nick in representing the Faith’s
interests on the Council.”

Erwin held her gaze, his mind trying to connect this new information to what he understood about
Sahlo. None of the pieces fit together. “I see.”

“I—” His mother looked down. “I overheard a conversation that wasn’t meant for my ears. Étienne
was speaking with one of our higher-ups about an alliance with you. He said it was breaking down,
that you were becoming a problem. They were discussing the best ways to deal with you.”
Erwin closed his eyes. He hadn’t noticed any indication that Sahlo was unhappy with their
arrangement. Granted, their last several expeditions hadn’t yielded much coin, but there were still
plenty of kickbacks coming to him from investor referrals. Perhaps allying with the Wallists would
somehow net Sahlo more money than the Survey Corps alliance could possibly provide.

There was another possibility, one that would be harder to deal with: perhaps Sahlo wasn’t
motivated by money, like Erwin had assumed. Perhaps he saw their relationship as a real-life chess
game, one he was determined to win.

“Keep talking, old woman,” Levi said, leaning forward on his knees. “What did they decide?”

“‘Old woman?’” Helena growled.

“Tessa, it’s fine.” His mother leaned forward. “The higher-up suggested a dangerous expedition to
wipe out the Survey Corps entirely, but Étienne said your survival rates were too high now for that
to be a viable possibility. They discussed blackmail, but Étienne said he was unable to find
anything on you. By the time the meeting ended, they were discussing hiring … ” She swallowed
hard, lifting her chin and sitting tall.

“Hiring what?” demanded Levi.

“An assassin,” Erwin said quietly. How did this situation get out of control without me noticing any
warning signs?

Levi glanced at him. “Another lord tried to hire an assassin to take you out once. It didn’t go so
well for him.”

That was because he had pulled all the strings in the background. This time, it was unexpected.
Sahlo had often indicated he knew every detail about what had happened with Lobov—Erwin
wouldn’t be able to pull the same tricks twice.

Helena rubbed her mother’s back. “Mama hasn’t slept a wink since this conversation happened,”
she said, her voice the softest Erwin had heard since they were children. “It’s unthinkable that a
brother of the Faith would consider something so foul, and I firmly believe they will opt to use
political manoeuvring instead. But Mama insisted that you needed to be warned.”

“The Church is made up of humans,” her mother said. “Humans are susceptible to greed and
violence.”

Erwin leaned forward, mirroring Levi’s pose. “You both must leave the Wall Church.”

In response, he received twin sets of blank blue stares.

“If they trace my past to you,” he said, “you’ll be in danger.”

“Why would we leave?” Helena said. “Both our husbands are with the church, and I’m expecting.”

Erwin blinked, surprised by the jealousy that gripped his lungs. “Congratulations,” he said stiffly.

“Thank you,” she replied, equally stiff. “So no, we aren’t going to leave.”

“Come back with us,” blurted his mother.

This was the part of the meeting Erwin had been dreading. He stood and turned to Levi. “I think
we have all the information we need.”
Levi nodded. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“If you join us, you’ll no longer be a threat to the Church’s interests.” Her voice was getting more
desperate. “And you can help us fix whatever corruption is making our members think it’s
reasonable to hire assassins. Your political acumen—”

“—will be used to serve humanity, not to serve people who think giant stone walls are more
valuable than human life.” He gripped the doorknob.

“Erwin.”

He turned to look back at her one last time, and immediately regretted it. Tears streaked down her
hollow cheeks, her brows pinched—

—”Erwin, Erwin, Erwin—” She cradles Helena to her chest as they are forced onto the second
carriage, reaching out for Papa—

His head bowed.

“Erwin?” Levi asked, his tone uncertain.

“Wait for me in the carriage.” He stepped away from the door. “Helena, leave.”

“That isn’t my name anymore,” she snapped, “and you’re crazy if you think I’m going to leave you
alone with—”

“Tessa,” Mama said, wiping her tears. “Step outside for a moment, please.”

Helena cast Erwin a furious glance, then followed Levi out the door, shutting it behind her.

Then it was just the two of them, mother and son. Erwin clasped his hands behind his back so the
trembling wouldn’t show. She stood, too, a bit unsteady, but she threw her shoulders back and drew
herself to her full height.

For a moment, they were silent.

“I’ve wanted this moment for twenty years,” Mama said softly, “yet I still have no idea what to say
to you. I only know I’ll regret it forever if I say nothing.”

He kept his face emotionless, as if he were staring down a political opponent.

Then she stepped forward and fell against his chest, her arms wrapping around him. She still wore
the same perfume he remembered, and a flood of related, forgotten scents rose in his memory:
plump cinnamon rolls baking in the oven, the lilac water she used to mist their bedding, the hot
scent of baking rocks on their driveway in the summertime. He stood stiffly, arms at his sides.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “You were just a boy. I’m so sorry.”

He tensed. “Of course it was my fault.”

“Erwin.” She pulled away to look at him. “Your father took a stupid risk and paid the price. I’m
sorry you got caught in the middle of it, but you were too young to know any better. You’ve always
been so good at trusting reason over emotion, but this is one instance where you were never able to
do that, and I blame myself for letting you shoulder the blame for so many years. It wasn’t your
fault. Put aside your guilt and think about it logically, and I’m sure you’ll agree.”
He stared at her. The facts were clear: he had been directly responsible, and so he had to continue
on the path his father had started. This wasn’t guilt; it was logic.

But what if I’m not being logical? Would I trust a boy younger than Jasper with knowledge about
the outside world? If that was traced back to me, would I blame him, or myself?

His head spun. No, it was his fault. It had to be his fault. Every choice he had made in his career
had been made with the goal of carrying on his father’s legacy. He was too far along this path to
second-guess it.

“Help me set things right,” he said, shifting the topic. “I know nothing about your faith, and it’s
taking a strong hold in political circles. If you could tell me anything—”

Her face hardened. “I have told you all I can safely say.”

“Then this meeting is over,” he said, even though he wanted her to hug him again, to reminisce
about Papa, to tell him she loved him. “Please take care.”

“One last thing.” A sad smile appeared on her lips. “The man you brought with you. Levi, was it?”

He eyed her. “Yes?”

“You look at him exactly the way your father used to look at me.”

His heart began to race, his palms sweaty. Impossible. We’ve been careful not to show anything,
and she was only around us for a few minutes …

“ I’m glad you’ve found a new family. Tell him to watch over you.” Her smile faded. “But be sure
to watch over him, too. Your name wasn’t the only one Étienne mentioned.”

Levi said nothing to Tessa, or Helena, or whatever her name was, as he left the room. He was too
uncomfortable. How strange it had been to see Erwin’s mannerisms on two women, to hear the
similar cadences of their voices.

More than that: this was just one more time that Erwin had faced unimaginable stress, and Levi had
been unable to help him.

Maybe he wasn’t good with family drama, but he was good at securing an area. He did a quick
perimeter of the block, looking for any signs that the women had been followed. Sahlo was clearly
more dangerous than either of them had expected, and he wouldn’t put it past the lord to track
anyone leaving the Church’s walls. Fortunately, he didn’t see anything suspicious.

Erwin’s sister glared at him when he returned. “You think I’m stupid enough to hold a dangerous
meeting without making sure we were alone, little man?”

“I’m supposed to trust a Wallfucker with no military training?”

“You idiots have no idea what you’re playing around with.” Her eyes narrowed. “If you continue
on your path, my child may not grow up with the holy protection of the walls.”

“If you think your walls are going to keep this world safe, then you’re the idiot.” Not wanting to
waste any more breath on her, he strode away.

The driver greeted him at the carriage. He nodded and slumped to a seat inside, his heart beating so
loudly that he could hear it in his ears.

There was an easy solution to these new political developments: he could kill Sahlo. Levi was the
only soldier skilled enough to make it look like a random crime or an accident. The idea was so
distasteful that his stomach churned, but he would do it if it would help the Survey Corps.

A few minutes later, the carriage door opened, and Erwin stepped inside. His eyes locked with Levi
for just a moment, empty, and then he dropped onto the bench beside him.

“You okay?” Levi asked.

Erwin gave him a tiny smile, but then leaned forward onto his knees, his hands raking into his hair.

After a moment, Levi reached up and pulled the cord, signalling the driver to start driving. He
placed a hand on the curved back, rubbing slow circles.

“I don’t know what the hell just happened,” Erwin said.

“Let me kill him.”

There was a pause, then Erwin lifted his head to look at him. “Sahlo?”

“Yeah. I’ll make sure it won’t be traced back to us.” Levi forced himself to keep his gaze steady,
even though his stomach was still twisting with revulsion.

Erwin’s face softened. “I won’t ask you to do that, Levi. For one thing, you abhor death. For
another, there are dozens of other Sahlo-like lords waiting in the wings, and we don’t know a thing
about them. As complicated as this situation has become, at least we know our foe.”

“Those replacements probably aren’t connected to gangs and Wallists like Sahlo.”

“True. Still, I’d rather try to regain control before we do something extreme. He’s a valuable asset
when we’re on the same side.” Erwin’s voice was heavy with fatigue. “But I’m afraid I’ve made
you a target as well.”

“What?”

“My mother overheard Sahlo mention you by name as a potential target, too.”

“Well, that’s not a surprise. We already knew he hated me.” Levi watched him, concerned by his
defeated posture and tone. “That was a lot to take in back there. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know.” Erwin gave a low sigh and sat upright. “My thoughts are racing and cluttered.”

Levi studied him for a moment. He reached under the bench and reached into Erwin’s bag, pulling
out a notebook and a package of graphite sticks. “You need this.”

Erwin accepted them, face blank. “I don’t understand.”

“Sort out your thoughts. You’re no good to the Survey Corps if you’re wrapped up in your head
trying to untangle personal bullshit.”

“I thought we might spend some intimate time together.”

“Are you in the mood for it?” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Or are you going to be lost in
your head the whole time, trying to figure out this mess?”
Erwin gave him a small smile. “Sometimes, Levi, I think you know me better than I know myself.”

“Sure, and it’s the same the other way around.” He nodded at the paper. “Start sorting. We’ll fuck
later.”

Erwin bent down to give him a long, slow kiss, then began to write on the paper.

At first, Levi watched over his shoulder. The page began to fill up with scribbled names, half-
scrawled thoughts, flow charts and overlapping circles. He was slow at first, gathering speed,
skipping between topics so quickly that Levi couldn’t follow his chain of thought. Erwin filled one
page, then a second, then began to map out elements of both on a third. His brow furrowed, his lips
mouthing words without saying them. Sometimes he would take in a little gasp of air, as if a flash
of inspiration had hit.

During situations like this, Levi always became conscious of just how deep Erwin’s genius ran. His
intellect was apparent in his strategies and in everyday conversation, but then, it was carefully
filtered and presented in a way that his audience could follow along. When Erwin laid his
consciousness bare like this, it became apparent that he could think along multiple tangents at the
same time, easily weaving them together.

Once upon a time, this feeling of awe had made Levi feel like less of a person next to Erwin, less
evolved. Now, however, he often saw that same awe on Erwin’s face when he observed Levi’s
physical prowess on expeditions, in the training yards, at the gym. Perhaps that was why they
worked so well together: they admired each other’s expertise without feeling threatened by it. It
was a balance, a mutual respect, that Levi had never shared with anyone else.

After about half an hour, Levi’s mind was fatigued from trying to follow Erwin’s thought process,
and his awe had worn thin. He stretched out on his back on the makeshift bed perpendicular to
Erwin’s bench, folding his arms over his chest. “I’m going to take a nap.”

Erwin slid closer so the side of his leg rested against Levi’s shoulder. He bent down to kiss Levi’s
forehead, then went back to his brainstorming.

Levi closed his eyes, letting his mind wander.

He wondered how it felt to be reunited with one’s family after so long. He tried to picture his
mother. He had a vague impression of her face, but not his father’s. In fact, he couldn’t even recall
his father’s name. So many of his memories from his childhood were fuzzy, and he had never been
clear on the proper timeline. He wasn’t like Erwin—he didn’t have a flawless memory for names,
places and dates. Was the aunt he remembered actually a blood relative? Had his father even been
a part of his life? How old had he been when his mother died?

The approaching sleep began to paint images in his mind. At first, they were lovely images of his
aunt, but they began to twist. The carriage walls began to close in as a cruel smile formed before
him, blood dripping down a knife …

He sat up with a gasp. A warm hand smoothed his hair.

“You okay, Levi?”

He blinked and turned to see Erwin reaching out to him. The notebook was halfway filled now, and
the graphite stick had been worn to a nub.

“How long was I out?” Levi stretched his shoulders and neck.
“About two hours.”

“Fuck, I have to stop passing out like that.” Sleep deprivation was wreaking havoc with his normal
sleep patterns. “How’s your head?”

“I think I’m about ready to take a break and have something to eat.” Erwin made one last note,
then looked up again. “Would you be interested in hearing my conclusions?”

“Sure.”

Erwin pulled out a bag of provisions: a loaf of sliced bread, a tin of yeast spread and twin
thermoses of coffee and tea. The tea was lukewarm, but still pleasant, and the bread comfortably
filled Levi’s stomach. He hadn’t realized he was so hungry. Daytime carriage trips always threw
off his internal clock.

Once they had finished the last of the food, they sat side-by-side, legs touching, as Erwin began to
flip through the pages of his notebook.

“Here’s what we know. First, Sahlo is a member of the Wallist church under the name Brother
Étienne. He joined recently, at a time when the Wallists are gaining a larger foothold within the
Council and in the government. This suggests it’s a strategic alliance, not actually a religious
choice.

“Second, he feels our alliance is breaking down, and he wants me out of the picture. He’s still
getting sizable kickbacks from the investors he refers to me, and I’ve been bolstering that a bit with
funds of my own, so nothing is actually ‘breaking down.’ I suspect something big is about to
change on his end, and the benefits of our alliance will no longer outweigh the drawbacks.

“The likeliest explanation is that he’s on the cusp of some sort of deal that’s more valuable than
our alliance. He’s worried I’ll trace it back to him and expose him. It’s likely connected to the
Wallists in some way. I’ve been largely in control of our relationship from the beginning, aside
from a few concessions here and there. I suspect he’s been trying to figure out a way to gain the
upper hand, and he thought he would have it before this deal came together, but he hasn’t been
successful. I’m sure he’s realized by now that I’ve had contacts keeping an eye on him. It wouldn’t
take much effort for me to increase the pressure and sniff out everything. He needs to take me out
before everything is finalized.”

“So,” Levi said, “what is this deal?”

Erwin smiled. “That’s the missing piece of the puzzle. Why would a Lord with gang contacts need
to get involved with a church? The most likely scenario to me is a mutually beneficial arrangement
involving drugs and money laundering: Sahlo’s shipping companies act as a drug courier for Rage
Klein, and the Wallists keep Sahlo’s money clean through investments in the church. Perhaps
drugs are even a key component of Wallist rituals—it would explain why so many of them have
that sedated look about their eyes. This is all conjecture, at this point.

“However, my mother gave us an excellent clue that may help us track down more information.
We’ve long known that Sahlo has had dealings with the kingpin you identified as Rage Klein, but
we’ve never been able to connect the two. I have a hunch the name Étienne will get us a bit
further.”

“So what, you head down to the Underground and start asking around?”

Erwin’s smile twisted a little, and he looked away.

“Erwin,” Levi said, suspicious. “That was a joke.”

“My contacts haven’t had any luck penetrating Rage’s network in three years. Most of them are too
afraid to get close; their lives are directly impacted if they make an enemy of him. Those of us who
live on the surface don’t have to worry about retribution.” He stared fixedly at a page that had the
heading Underground. “ I thought while I was in the area, I would pay a visit and see what I can
learn. It would … ” He trailed off.

“Erwin,” Levi said again.

“It would be helpful to have someone along who understood what we were looking for.” Erwin
was still staring at the page. “Someone who had been in direct contact with him before.”

Levi’s heart beat in his throat. He slumped against the back of the seat. “That was years ago.”

“It’s still the best lead we have. I know returning to the Underground is a potential risk for you—
we’ll both be armed with full 3DMG. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t fear Sahlo’s plans for both of us. If
he gets out of control, it’s not just our lives in danger; the entire Survey Corps could be in jeopardy.
He holds too much sway on the Council.” A pause. “I’m sorry to ask this of you, Levi.”

“Shit,” Levi muttered.

“If you accept, we’d head down tonight—”

“Of course I accept.”

Erwin finally looked at him. “Yeah?”

“I trust your judgement.” Levi folded his arms tightly across his chest. “If this is important enough
to risk our safety, then yeah, I’ll come help you track him down.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry that—”

“Stop apologizing. What’s the plan?”

Erwin closed the notebook and set it aside. “We’ll be checking into the hotel around six o’clock
this evening, so we have an hour or two to eat and get settled before we head below the surface. I
don’t expect us to get all this sorted tonight, but I’d like to exhaust at least a few of our leads. I
don’t face Sahlo until tomorrow, and I’d like to have some information in my back pocket so I can
position myself accordingly.”

“Do you think he’ll make a move this soon?” Levi asked.

“If he’s considering assassination, he must be desperate. He’s going to try to lean on me to judge
the immediacy of my threat. We need to appear docile, make our threat a lower priority to him.”
Erwin gave him a polite smile. “I’m afraid you may see me submit to him more than I’d like, and
you may have to tone down your usual show of aggression around him.”

“Do what you have to do. I’ll behave.”

“Not too much. We don’t want to tip him off that we’re suspicious of him.” Erwin let out a low
sigh and rubbed his temples. “It figures these new complications would arise when we’re so close
to reclaiming Wall Maria.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s repositioning himself,” Levi said, thinking aloud. “Territory’s about to
expand. He wants to make sure he gets a big piece of it.”

Erwin’s eyes widened. “Could this be about territory?”

“Sure. Maybe literally. I bet the Underground is full of refugees who were landowners before Wall
Maria fell.”

“Interesting.” Erwin shook his head. “Now I have even more to think about. Thank you for your
perspective, Levi.”

Levi shrugged. “Politicians and gang leaders aren’t all that much different when it comes to turf
wars. One’s more subtle than the other, I guess.”

“True.” Erwin’s brow furrowed, and he hesitated. “There’s something else I should tell you.”

“Oh?” He seemed so uncomfortable that Levi shifted closer.

“My mother guessed there was something going on between us. She might be a security leak.”

Levi’s stomach dropped. “How? We barely even looked at each other.”

“It was enough. It seems I’ve inherited some of my father’s facial expressions.” Erwin’s voice
became quiet: “I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Is she a risk?”

“I don’t think so, but I can’t be sure.” Erwin’s gaze was growing distant again. “Twenty years,
Levi. It was suddenly as if no time had passed at all. I don’t— I can’t wrap my head around it.
What am I supposed to feel?”

“Feel whatever you need to feel.”

“I need to feel nothing. I needed to be able to walk out of there without looking back. I have to
abandon my family so they can’t be used against me, but my emotions betrayed me.” Erwin’s eyes
closed. “I’m not strong enough.”

The words turned Levi’s blood to ice. “Knock it off. You’re always worried you’ve lost your
humanity, right? So you care about your family. That’s pretty human. Take this as evidence that
you still have your humanity and stop beating yourself up about it.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Erwin said softly, his eyes still closed. “This is all so much to take in.”

He’s withdrawing into himself again now that he doesn’t have something to distract him. Levi
frowned. He swung a leg over Erwin’s lap, straddling him, and clamped a hand over either side of
his face.

“Erwin, you’re fucking exhausted.” He traced the sharp cheekbones with his thumbs. “You need to
get some more sleep before we get to the Capital, especially if we’re going to the Underground.”

“No, I—” Erwin looked up at him, face sombre. “I need to unwind a bit first.”

“Oh?” Levi asked.

Erwin’s eyes searched his. “I need to spend a few minutes focusing on the one thing in this life I’m
sure of.”
The words were flattering, but Levi said, “You sure that’s a good idea right now?”

Hands clamped onto his hips, glowing with heat. Erwin’s gaze was fixed on his lips now, and he
was leaning forward. “Please.” Their lips brushed. “I need you.”

This probably isn’t the best time for this, given how vulnerable he is right now , Levi thought, but
Erwin’s mouth was warm and wet, and Levi felt himself drawn into the kiss. Their heads tilted,
their lips parting, their tongues grazing. He groaned into Erwin’s mouth. Their surroundings
disappeared. No family, no Sahlo, no church, just each other’s warmth.

The kiss broke and their foreheads rested together. “I need you.” Erwin pulled him down into his
lap.

I need you, too, Levi thought, giving in. He slid his palms along the back of Erwin’s neck, down to
his shoulder blades, their torsos pressing together. “Let me fuck you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Levi pressed his mouth to Erwin’s neck and sucked gently so he wouldn’t leave a mark. “I
have plans for you to fuck me later tonight, at the hotel. But I want to be inside you right now.”

In response, Erwin lifted him off his lap and pulled out a bag from under the seat. He withdrew a
bottle of lubricant from a side pocket.

Levi felt a resurgence of the desperation that had been building all day. He knelt between Erwin’s
legs and unbuttoned his fly. He pulled the pants and underwear off his hips, then pulled off one
boot, but he was in too much of a rush to pull off the other. Instead, he left Erwin’s pants and
underwear hanging off one booted leg.

Barely even pausing, Levi grabbed him and leaned in to lick him from base to tip. Erwin let out a
long, pleased breath and leaned his head back against the seat.

Fuck, that’s hot. Levi’s pants were suddenly too binding. It had been a few weeks since he had last
done this, and he missed it. He gave one more long lick, then kissed the tip.

“Remind me to suck you off for hours tonight.”

A corner of Erwin’s lips lifted. “Didn’t you say you had plans for me to ride you tonight?”

“It’s going to be a long night.” He slicked a finger and began to ease it in.

“Fuck,” Erwin breathed. Levi watched his face for the subtle changes that showed his pleasure:
wrinkles formed in the corners of his closed eyes and at the bridge of his nose, his mouth stretched
a little wider. Erwin’s body was already relaxed. This type of preparation wasn’t really required
anymore—they made love so often that their bodies naturally opened up for each other—but this
foreplay was such a pleasure that Levi could never resist. He slid in a second finger, watching
Erwin’s face for the deepening wrinkles, the flush forming on his cheeks. The broad lips parted:

“More.”

“You’re greedy today.” Levi brushed a third finger against him.

“I need—” The words ended with a gasp as Levi pushed ahead with the third finger. “Fuck!”

“Too much?”
“No, it’s good. It’s good.” Erwin’s eyelashes parted a crack. “I’ll take everything you want to give
me.”

“Oh really?” It was tempting to keep going—sometimes, when Erwin was this responsive, Levi
could make him orgasm with his fingers alone. Still, he was aching to be inside him, and Erwin
would be too sensitive for that if he came beforehand.

Levi kissed the inside of Erwin’s thigh, then withdrew. He hastily pulled down his pants, then
reached for the lubricant, but Erwin’s hand closed over it first.

“I’ll put that on.”

Levi nodded, bracing himself against the roof of the carriage. The road here was bumpy, the
vibrations rattling his teeth. Erwin’s slick hand closed around him, squeezing in all the right places,
stroking hard. The last remnants of Levi’s control instantly dissolved; he bit the inside of his cheek,
trying to keep himself together, but a wail slid from his mouth anyway. He lunged forward, kissing
Erwin so hard that his head smacked back against the carriage wall. Erwin caught his cravat and
held him in close, head twisting so they could kiss deeper.

Fuck. Levi’s eyes closed, feeling the carriage’s vibrations ripple through his body. He grabbed
Erwin under the knees and tugged. Erwin shifted into place, his calves resting on Levi’s shoulders.
The best thing about sex in the carriage was that the benches were exactly the right height for Levi
to keep kissing him while he was inside him—it took a bit of contortion on Erwin’s part, and Levi
had to dig into the floor hard with his toes, but it was worth it.

As he began to work his way inside, Erwin gasped and curled tightly around him, chin hooking
over Levi’s shoulder. Levi ran his tongue around the border of Erwin’s ear, working in deeper.

“Fuck,” Erwin said, but there was an unusual lack of conviction to the word, as if he were saying it
because it was expected. His arms and chin were still curled around Levi’s body, grip so tight that
it was hard to breathe.

“Erwin?” The word came out as a gasp. “You okay?”

“Don’t stop.” The words were strange, too. Shaking. Maybe it was just from the road—it was
especially bumpy here. Levi gripped the back of the seat with one hand to keep his balance, and the
other gripped the back of Erwin’s head. He pushed in all the way, and Erwin gave a loud cry,
clawing into his back.

“Shit.” Levi began to rock slowly, even though he was desperate to speed up. “Oh shit, I’m not
going to last long.” He pushed back, trying to disentangle himself from Erwin’s grasp so they
could share a kiss.

He froze. Erwin’s eyes were damp.

“Shit,” Levi said, alarmed. “Am I hurting you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You look like you’re about to cry.”

“No, it feels good. It feels so good.” Erwin’s mouth found his again, whispering into his lips:
“Don’t stop.”

“Are you sure?” Am I imagining things?

“ Levi, please; I need you.” Erwin began to rock his hips, gyrating against him. The carriage went
over a bump, accidentally forcing Levi deeper, and they both gasped.

“Shit.” Levi began to thrust again. His open mouth barely grazed Erwin’s lips, tasting a string of
whispered curses.

“Come on,” Erwin rasped. “I need it hard.” His hands raked up Levi’s back, beneath his shirt, as
their pace increased. Levi dug the balls of his feet into the carriage floor for traction, leaning hard
into that gasping mouth, kissing with so much force that his teeth dug into the inside of his lips. He
felt a trickle of liquid where their cheeks pressed together—a tear? He tried to pull away, but Erwin
held him firmly in place, counter thrusting against him.

Then Erwin moaned into his mouth, one hand dropping between his legs and frantically moving.
He was tightening in pulses now. He’s close, Levi thought, and the realization rippled through his
body and down his spine. He could already anticipate that twisting face, those quaking limbs, that
strained look on his face …

He tore his mouth away. “Fuck!” He stared at the straining fabric over Erwin’s chest, at the
moving hand, and it was too much. He drove into him and buried his face in those flexing chest
muscles, coming so hard that he yelled.

Erwin’s arm slowed for a few seconds, and Levi felt a hand smooth his hair. It took several
seconds for the rush to subside. At last, his body stopped twitching as his muscles relaxed.

“Fuck, Erwin,” he whispered, not yet able to lift his head. The fabric by his mouth was damp. Did I
slobber all over him? “Sorry, give me a second.”

“Take your time.” The hand kept gently smoothing the back of his head, and he could hear the
thudding heartbeat in Erwin’s rib cage. He was so close. I shouldn’t keep him waiting.

Dizzy, he pulled out and dropped to his knees, shifting Erwin’s thighs onto his shoulders. His hands
smoothed Erwin’s knees as he looked up at him. “Come in my mouth.”

Erwin watched him for a second. Then his mouth closed and his throat bobbed. His hand began to
move again. Levi moved into position, just barely sucking the tip, three fingers slipping into him.
Their eyes locked, and Levi felt himself begin to rise with Erwin, soaring on those flared lips, those
pinched brows. Erwin let out a rising moan, then another, his head beginning to tilt back, eyes
closing. He seemed completely oblivious to everything around him now, focused only on the
approaching peak.

He’s so beautiful. Levi slid a hand up Erwin’s abdomen, under his shirt, feeling the flexing
muscles. His other hand moved faster, his tongue swirling circles, all of it timed to the movements
of Erwin’s hand, to his harsh breaths.

“Levi,” Erwin gasped. “I’m— Fuck!” He hunched forward, thrusting deep into Levi’s mouth.

Levi swallowed, swearing he could feel Erwin’s energy flowing into his body. His groin twitched
as if his own orgasm hadn’t truly ended until now, as if it still had a few spasms left. The last pulse
subsided a few seconds later. He swirled his tongue one last time, then pulled away.

Erwin was still hunched forward, his head hanging low, his body heaving with harsh breaths.
Giving him a minute or two to come down, Levi pulled a handkerchief out of the bag and gave
himself a few careful wipes. He fastened his pants into place and pulled his boots over his pant
legs, then ran a hand through his hair. Once he had finished cleaning up, he was surprised to see
that Erwin still hadn’t moved.

That’s not good. “ Erwin?”

There was no response. A tear dripped off the tip of the sharp nose.

“Shit.” Levi’s stomach dropped. He pulled out a clean handkerchief and sat beside him. “You said
you were okay, you idiot.”

There was a long pause. At last, Erwin spoke, his voice shaking: “There’s a fair bit of stress in my
life at the moment.”

“No shit.” Levi held out the handkerchief. “Look, it’s okay. Cry if you need to.”

“Crying won’t help a thing.” Erwin accepted the cloth and dabbed at his eyes, then finally lifted
his head. He stared straight ahead, face grim. “I’m sorry, Levi. The sex was good—this isn’t
anything to do with that.”

“I know. It’s okay.” Sometimes, relaxation prompted them to drop walls that needed to stay up; this
wasn’t the first time one of them had broken down. He wrapped an arm across Erwin’s back and
drew him closer. “You don’t have to hide yourself from me.”

“I know.” Erwin rested his cheek against the top of Levi’s head.

“You’ll figure all this out. You always do.”

“I hope you’re right.” Erwin reached for his hand.

And if not , I’ll take care of Sahlo myself, Levi thought. Erwin was a political mastermind, but the
Underground played by a different set of rules, one where logic rarely came into play. If they got
desperate enough, they might have to get their hands dirty in ways Erwin had never experienced.

Their fingers intertwined, and Levi’s throat tightened.

If it comes to it, Erwin, I’ll gladly let them drench my hands with blood before I see a single drop of
it land on you.
 Underground
Chapter Notes

I am so, so, so sorry that it took ALMOST SIX WEEKS to put this chapter up. Real-
life got extremely intense for several weeks in a row, and it utterly destroyed my
writing time. Thank you so much for waiting patiently while I sorted everything out. I
also apologise in advance for any typos. I'm going to do another polish pass on this in
the next day or two, but for now, I REALLY want to get it online!

I'm also super behind on replies to comments. T_T Thank you for your patience, and
thank you for your comments/kudos! <3

I'd like to give a shoutout to telleroftales-weaverofdreams for a drawing of "short,

gawky training corps Erwin with straggly facial hair and an oversized nose" -
http://telleroftales-weaverofdreams.tumblr.com/post/110896151135. Thank you so
much for being inspired by my view of awkward teen Erwin! :)

Previous chapter: It's September 849, and the Survey Corps has nearly achieved its
goal of laying a supply path to Wall Maria, but the political climate is beginning to
change. Erwin and Levi meet with members of Erwin's family, who warn them that
Sahlo is a Wallist and he intends to assassinate them both. Erwin decides their only
logical step is to try to take Sahlo down by finding more information about his link to
the Underground gangster Rage Klein. It's time to go Underground and start poking
around.

-26-

Underground

“We’ll eat in the bar downstairs,” Erwin said as he hung his suit in the closet of their hotel room.
“Then we’ll come back here and change before we head to the Underground.”

“How are we getting below the surface without being noticed?” Levi called from the bathroom,
where he was setting out their toiletries.

“I still have the identification we used as August and Emil, and we have permission through a
dummy lord, ‘Lord Hasek.’”

“A dummy lord?”

Erwin continued to pull items out of the trunk and hang them in the closet. “Several years ago, one
of my contacts set up a fake lord to circumnavigate aristocratic permission on minor issues. It’s an
ingenious system. ‘Lord Hasek’ is a recluse who lives at an unknown address, but his lineage is
strong enough that he qualifies to authorize requests at the lowest clearance levels, basic stuff that
would never attract much suspicion—” The words died on his lips as he lifted a pair of pants out of
the trunk, revealing a small pair of black underwear beneath them. He stared at them. “I thought I
threw these out?”

“I can’t believe they hung these in the bathroom where they can soak in the farts of every single
guest.” Levi marched into the main room, carrying two hotel-issued bathrobes.

“Levi.”

“What?”

Erwin stretched the underwear between his hands.

“Oh.”

“I threw these out. They were uncomfortable.”

Levi pushed past him and began to hang the robes in the closet. “Waste of perfectly good
clothing.”

“I’m not sure they qualify as clothing; they ride up too quickly to be useful.”

“Can’t be that bad.”

“They’re more intimate with the inside of my backside than you are.” Erwin set them aside, then
paused again as he saw two bottles of lubricant and a butt plug. He raised a brow. “What, exactly,
are these plans you have for me tonight?”

“We’ll talk about it later.” Levi smoothed the second bathrobe into place, then began to adjust the
clothes Erwin had hung up, as if they weren’t tidy enough to meet his standards. “So August and
Emil have permission from Lord Haber—”

“Hasek.”

“—Hasek. I guess we aren’t going in uniform.”

“No. The last thing we want is word getting back to Sahlo that two Survey Corps soldiers were
sniffing around.” Erwin set the two bottles of lubricant in the side table drawer, right next to the
bottle he had brought. At least we won’t be short on lube, he thought. “ I’m still debating whether
or not we should bring our gear as I had originally planned. On one hand, it might be integral for
self-defense and mobility if we need to make a quick escape. On the other hand, we’re going to
attract unwanted attention if we wear it.” Civilian use of 3DMG was illegal, and the Military Police
regularly patrolled the Underground.

“It won’t matter. Even if we dress down, you’re going to stand out.”

“Me?”

“You’re two metres tall and a hundred fucking kilos.”

Erwin’s lips flattened. “No, I’m not. Besides, I would have thought you’d be the recognizable one,
given your reputation.”

“I blended in with a crowd more than you think. Only a handful of people really got to know my
face, and most of them have died off since then.” Levi scooped the last batch of socks out of the
chest, then nudged the lid closed with his foot. He knelt in front of the bottom drawer of the
dresser, but instead of opening it, he was still, his head bowed.
“Levi?”

A pause. “Going down there is just going to screw everything up even worse.”

“We’ll be fine if we play it smart. We just need a solid lead or two—from that point, I can send in
undercover soldiers to dig deeper.” Erwin hoisted the chest across the room and tucked it neatly
into the corner. “We don’t have time to be cautious. If we lose control over Sahlo, the plans to
reclaim Wall Maria could be delayed or even halted completely. If that happens, all of humanity
will suffer.”

Levi dumped the socks on the floor beside him, then yanked open the bottom drawer and began to
fill it. “Ever think maybe Sahlo’s using this assassination thing to bait you into doing something
reckless?”

“Of course. That possibility takes up a full two pages in my brainstorming notes. Ultimately, I
concluded that he couldn’t have known about my mother overhearing his conversation, or that
she’s even my mother. The benefits outweigh the risks.”

Levi didn’t reply, but he softly began to curse to himself. At first, Erwin couldn’t see what he was
doing, so he stepped a few paces forward. Levi was carefully arranging the folded pairs of socks,
trying to align them with the edge of the drawer and each other in a perfect grid. Even for him, this
was a new level of obsession with order.

Erwin sat on the edge of the bed, his chest hollow. “You’re upset about returning to the
Underground.”

“No, I’m upset that you don’t know how to fold your socks.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Why do you always fold your socks into these fucking balls? It makes them bouncy. They spring
up when I try to pack them together. No wonder your room’s always such a mess, if you can’t fold
two shitty socks together.” Levi was hunched over the drawer now, his movements jerky.

“It would help if I understood what, exactly, is upsetting you about returning,” Erwin said
patiently.

“Stop telling me what I’m feeling. This is about your shitty socks, not your shitty plan.”

And there it is. Erwin stood, his hands tightening into fists at his sides. “When you’re ready to set
aside the laundry-related insults and speak rationally about this, I’ll be in the bar downstairs.”

Levi let out a low, weary sigh, but didn’t reply.

Without further word, Erwin stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He shoved
his hands into his pockets.

Shitty plan. The words had cut deeper than they should have. Erwin had known from the beginning
that asking Levi to return to the Underground was an unpleasant request. He had devoted three
entire pages to Levi’s reaction in his brainstorming notes, weighing the pros and cons. There was
no way around it: Levi had intimate knowledge about the workings of the Underground, and since
he no longer lived there, Rage held no power over him. There was no one else Erwin could—or
would—trust with this mission. He had expected resistance, but he had hoped they could talk
through it together.
Levi’s barriers went up so quickly, at the most unpredictable times. Every time those walls went up
and Levi refused to share a part of himself, Erwin felt an icy hand grip his stomach: their trust in
each other wasn’t as complete as he liked to think. Parts of Levi were inaccessible to him.

Or maybe it was more selfish than that. Maybe Erwin relied so heavily on information that it upset
him when anyone tried to withhold it. Maybe the problem wasn’t Levi at all; maybe it was Erwin’s
overwhelming need to be in control. He had always known there were going to be secrets between
them, after all. It was difficult to know when he actually had reason to be concerned about the
strength of their relationship, and when he was just being a control freak.

He settled into a booth and ordered their drinks. The server brought him a mug of apple cider, a
cup of tea for Levi, and a menu. He had just finished perusing the meal list when Levi sank onto
the bench across from him.

“You shouldn’t be drinking right before a mission.”

“It’s non-alcoholic.” Erwin closed the menu and slid it across the tabletop.

Levi held his gaze for a moment, expression unreadable, then picked up the menu and began to
read through it. After a long silence, he said, “I shouldn’t have said your plan was shitty.”

“Well, I did try to tell you what you were feeling. You’re right. I shouldn’t have assumed you were
upset about tonight’s plans.”

Levi’s gaze darted up to him for a moment, then back down to the menu. “We both know I am.”

The server took their orders, and then for a moment, they were silent.

“I can go alone, if you’d prefer,” Erwin said.

“You need me there.” Levi stared into the bottom of his tea mug, swirling it. “You don’t know
what you’re dealing with. You convince people to your side with money and charm, but Rage’s
cronies have money, and they’re immune to charm. There’s only one way to get them to talk.”

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly, “I’m not going to ask you to hurt anyone. Tonight is all about trying to
find a direction we can use for further investigation in the future.”

Levi lifted the mug to his lips and took a swallow, then set it down. “I mean longer term. We both
know where this path leads if we want to take down Sahlo fast. I have skills you don’t—skills no
one else in the Survey Corps has. You’re going to need those skills before this is done. But … ” His
mouth twisted . “ When I use them, you’re going to see a side of me you’ve never seen before.”

Erwin was certain he had seen that side of him, but he only said, “A man of your skill doesn’t
happen by accident. I have no delusions about how you gained your skills or the kinds of
opponents you faced in the past.”

“Just … ” Levi looked away, his brow furrowing. “Don’t lose respect for me if the old me comes
out.”

Was that what this was about? He had expected Levi’s anxiety to be rooted in fear, not shame. “I
already respected the old you. That’s why I recruited you.” Erwin leaned forward. “Above ground
or beneath it, the same rules always apply: I trust your judgement, and I’ll have your back no
matter what decisions you make. You have good instincts.”

Levi’s eyes lifted to meet his, expressionless.

Their food arrived a minute or two later, and as they began to eat, Erwin quietly began to walk
through their plan. Their first stop was going to be at the home of his most trusted Underground
contact.

“Leona Reid?” Levi’s nose wrinkled. “Why her?”

“Our working relationship goes back almost two decades. I trust her as much as I trust any of our
soldiers.”

“She’s just going to ask me to repay the money her dumbass son made me borrow from her.”

Ah, yes, the same son Levi had briefly dated. Erwin hesitated. “Levi, if you need help repaying an
old debt—”

“I don’t need help. It’s barely any money at all. It’s the principle of it.” Levi stabbed a carrot with
his fork.

Unsure of where to take the conversation from there, Erwin kept speaking. “She’s been keeping an
eye out for Sahlo, and she’s in a good position to have heard of Brother Étienne. Even if she
doesn’t have a solid update for us, she might know where we could begin our search. Now, let’s
talk about how we’ll get into the staircase in the first place, and how we’ll get back above ground
if anything goes wrong.”

By the end of the meal, Levi seemed more relaxed. They returned to their room and changed into
their least impressive plainclothes. They re-packed their gear into smaller, unmarked cases. It really
wasn’t good for the gear to rattle around loose in an unpadded case, but the usual cases were bulky
and easily identifiable. Levi had suggested bringing the gear with them and stashing the cases in a
secret location in case they needed a quick escape. They had so much practice by now that they
could put on the straps and gear in less than a minute. It would have been better to wear it, but the
attention they would attract—both from the Underground denizens and from the Military Police—
wasn’t worth the slight time savings.

“Should I slick back my hair?” Erwin asked, examining himself in the mirror.

“No one slicks back their hair in the Underground. Who can afford hair wax? Bend down.” Levi
mussed Erwin’s hair, letting it fall across his forehead. He frowned and shook his head. “It’s no
use. Your hair is too fucking golden and clean. You’re not going to pass as one of them.”

“Then maybe my cover story needs adjusting.” Erwin smoothed his hair back into place. “I’m from
the surface, and I’ve enlisted your help to navigate the Underground.”

“Not far from the truth.” Levi examined his own face in the mirror. “Do I really look like I could
still be from there?”

Erwin turned Levi to face him, then ran a thumb across his jaw. His skin had always been pale
compared to other members of the Survey Corps, but there was a faint flush to his cheeks now, and
the creases around his eyes were red instead of black. “No, you look too healthy.”

The flush darkened, but Levi only said, “It’ll be dim enough that no one will notice.”

They carefully divided up a stack of money, hiding the notes and small coin bags in various
pockets and their boots. There was a good chance they would have to grease several palms that
night, and also a good chance that muggers might try to relieve them of some money.

Erwin neatly set his bolo tie on the dresser next to Levi’s folded cravat, something he always did
with great care whenever they removed their signature accessories. When his father came home
after classes, he had always hung his hat on a hook right next to Mama’s scarf, an unintentional but
significant symbol of their domestic bliss.

“Shall we?” he said.

“One last thing,” Levi said. “Bend down.”

Erwin obeyed, expecting Levi to fix his hair again. Instead, their lips met in a soft, innocent kiss.
When they pulled apart, Levi’s face was solemn.

“Levi,” Erwin said gently, “it’s going to be okay.”

The slim brows found their usual furrow. “I guess.”

They left the hotel and walked down the street. They were rarely out of uniform these days, but
whenever they were, Erwin was amazed by their perfect anonymity. While in uniform, passersby
always stared at them, brows rising with recognition. In plainclothes, no one so much as glanced at
them.

“We become invisible when we take off the uniforms,” he murmured. “Maybe that’ll work in our
favour in the Underground, too.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” Levi stopped walking and nodded down an alleyway. “This one, right?”

They stepped into the alleyway and rounded a corner to find a burly guard standing outside a
doorway. The guard’s lip curled. “Get the fuck out of here. Door’s closed.”

“My name is August,” Erwin said, stepping forward. “I have an arrangement with Lord Hasek.”

“You’re late.” The guard folded his arms over his chest. “Identification and inspection fee.”

Erwin pulled out his fake papers and a small bag of coins. The guard barely looked at the paper,
taking a moment to count the coins instead. Then, wordlessly, he stepped aside. Erwin moved onto
the stairway and began to descend; his footsteps echoed in the stone tunnel, alone. He stopped and
turned back. Levi was hovering in the doorway, his face unreadable.

“Emil?” Erwin asked. “You coming?”

“Yeah, just … ” Levi wrapped his arms around his ribcage and began to descend. “It already smells
like shit.”

The door slammed closed behind him, and he jumped, glancing uneasily back.

Erwin’s stomach twisted with guilt. “If there was any other way—”

“Stop fucking apologizing. I said I would do it, so I’m doing it.” Levi pushed past him, his
expression dark.

As they descended the lengthy staircase, Erwin surveyed the city. Once upon a time, the cavernous
city of the Underground had been planned as humanity’s stronghold, a place no titans could ever
possibly reach. That plan had quickly dissipated when it became apparent that the lack of sunlight
would cause complications like rickets and an inability to grow most food. The high, massive
ceiling was set with small, glowing crystals that almost looked like stars.

That was where the beauty ended. From this height, it looked like an ancient, ruined city, its
buildings crumbling and decrepit. Only a few patches of the city were lit with lamps, glowing
orange amidst a sea of darkness. The air was thick and tasted of mould and methane.

As they neared the street level, the scent of sewage became overpowering. A throng of scrawny
people with sunken eyes and bowed legs crowded the stair entrance, pleading for passage to the
surface world. Some held out crying children, as if begging Erwin or Levi to adopt them. Levi’s
pace slowed, his face stony. Erwin couldn’t imagine what the scene was doing to him. Levi had
never mentioned his survivor’s guilt, but it showed plainly on his face—to Erwin, at least—
whenever they spoke of impoverished citizens in the walls, or when they passed beggars on the
street. Above all else, Levi was a man who abhorred the death of innocents. Protecting them was
what fueled him.

Now they were wandering right into the city Levi had left behind for the military, where he was
fed three meals a day and received a comfortable salary. For the first time, Erwin began to
understand how big this request had been. I’m so sorry, Levi.

They stepped into one of the major streets, moving toward Leona’s house. Intoxicated, emaciated
men and women littered the streets, cast aside. Sickly-looking sex workers hung out on street
corners with tattered clothes. A few gaunt eyes followed them, but not many. For the most part,
people here seemed too involved with their own problems to care about strangers. Erwin began to
feel very aware of his height, his build, his health. How had he never noticed before? Seeing the
familiar scene through Levi’s eyes, he could see why so many people were desperate to get to the
surface. Any plans for the future of humanity must include the people of the Underground as well.

They arrived at a small, square, two-story home. The paint on the outside was cracking and caked
with dust, but Leona had carefully lined the walkway with rows of polished brown glass and stone
tiles. Erwin glanced down at Levi to check if he was ready. The grey eyes would not meet his.

He knocked. A peephole slot opened in the door, and wrinkled, dark eyes appeared on the other
side. They widened.

“Erwin?” The door swung open and he found himself wrapped in tight, wiry arms.

“Nice to see you again, Leona,” he said, tactfully edging her back through the door. There were no
eyes on them yet, but he didn’t want to risk lingering.

“It’s been awhile. I was starting to worry you had defected to one of my competitors.” She pulled
back to look at him. It had only been about a year since their last meeting, but she looked as if she
had aged ten: her hair was grey and stringy, her cheeks gaunt.

“You know I would never take my business elsewhere,” he said pleasantly. “Please forgive the
spontaneous visit. Things have been busy, but this was so important that we had to speak with you
immediately.”

“We?” She peered around him, and her eyes narrowed. “Ah. You have a rat clinging to your
coattails.”

“I don’t have your money, hag,” Levi said.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Humanity’s Strongest. Still a rude little asshole, I see.”

Shit. Erwin gave each of them a polite smile. “Perhaps we should step inside before we discuss this
further?”

“Of course.” Leona stepped aside to let them enter. “You keep strange company, Erwin. This one’s
probably robbed you blind more times than you can—”

“I trust Levi with my life, and he has proven time and time again that he is worthy of that trust.
Whatever quarrels you two might have had in the past, I hope you can set them aside for this
meeting. There are far larger things at stake.”

Levi pushed past him and set his gear case on the kitchen floor, then dropped into a chair at the
table. “Fine with me if the old woman’s fine with it.”

“Fine.” Leona’s gaze was still trained on him. “Please have a seat. I’ll get you both some tea.”

“Speaking of which, please allow me to give you a bonus.” Erwin set his gear case down and sat
next to Levi. He slid a packet of fine tea across the table. “I can’t count the number of times our
fake identification has come in handy over the past few years, and it came in handy again tonight.”

She lifted it to her nose and breathed in, then smiled. “Excellent quality. Thank you. Shall I brew us
a pot?”

“No, don’t waste it on us. The military gets access to it more often than we deserve.”

“Then at least let me offer you the next best tea I have. I already have a pot ready.” She began to
putter around the kitchen, but her movements were odd. It took Erwin a moment to realize she was
easing drawers open, using both hands on the cupboards and gently setting down mugs: she was
silencing her movements. Now that he thought about it, her tone had been unusually soft whenever
she had spoken to them.

He opened his mouth, but Levi, always on the same wavelength, beat him to it:

“Who else is here?”

She glanced at him with a brow cocked. “I see you’re as observant as ever, kid.”

“Who else?” Levi asked in his quiet, demanding tone, the one that suggested a knife might come
out a few seconds later.

“Not that it’s your business, but I have a family member sleeping upstairs.”

Levi slumped deeper into the chair. “It’s fucking Francis, isn’t it?”

Erwin’s jaw tightened. Francis must be the name of Leona’s son. First my past comes back to
haunt me, and now Levi’s. Hell of a day. He was beginning to wish for a bottle of brandy instead of
a mug of tea.

“We can’t have anyone knowing we’re here,” he said aloud.

“Francis won’t be joining us,” Leona said. “But he isn’t the type to spill secrets, anyway.”

Erwin glanced at Levi, who raised one shoulder in a shrug as if reluctantly agreeing.

Their host set mismatched teacups and saucers in front of them. “Poor kid’s a little out of sorts.
Lost his job on the surface and his partner took the kids. But you aren’t here to chit-chat.” She sat
across from them with a mug of her own, then breathed across the tea’s surface to cool it. “You
want an update on Lord Sahlo, right? I’m afraid I don’t have much to tell you. He’s been selling
food to one of the local grocery shops, but that’s all above board. Can’t trace any links to Rage or
any other gang.”
“I see,” Erwin said, disappointed. “We recently learned he’s been using the alias Brother Étienne in
dealings with the Wallists. Does that ring a bell?”

“Nah, we don’t get many Wallists down here, at least not openly. The Walls don’t mean much to
us down here; titans aren’t exactly our biggest threat. The Étienne lead is a good one, though.
Name doesn’t ring a bell, but I’ll keep an ear out.”

“I see.” Erwin took a long sip of tea. Beside him, Levi was tense, as if he knew what was about to
come up. “Unfortunately, we’re running out of time. Sahlo is about to make a big move, one we
have to be ready to counteract. If we aren’t having luck tracing Sahlo to Rage, then we’re going to
have to try it the other way around.” He held the woman’s gaze. “Where can I find Rage Klein?”

She blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I want to know where to find Rage. Local haunts, headquarters, anything of that nature.”

“Holy shit. You have no idea what you’re asking, Erwin.” Leona tried to stare him down, but he
refused to flinch. Her eyes shifted to Levi instead. “You’ve gotta talk your boss out of this.”

Levi gave another one-shouldered shrug. “There’s a lot at stake.”

“But going directly to Rage? That’s crazy.”

“Leona,” Erwin said, “I’m aware of the risks of taking on the leader of an Underground crime
syndicate. I’m not about to confront him or put myself at risk—I just need to prove his link to
Sahlo.” He leaned forward. “This is what stands between us and the reclamation of Wall Maria.
Everyone is suffering because of the lack of farmland, the Underground most of all. How many
people have to die because we’re all too afraid to take risks? I’m not about to sacrifice humanity’s
well-being because a lord and a gang leader are holding us hostage.”

After a long pause, the woman’s gaze dropped. “I don’t know where to find him, but I know
someone who might. Excuse me for a moment.” She stood.

As she left the room, Erwin turned to Levi, who took a long sip of tea, then said, “Francis probably
fell in with his old gang of merry idiots. Most important thing to know is where your rival gang
operates so you don’t step on their turf. He’ll know where Rage’s hangouts are.”

“Can we trust him?”

“He hates Rage more than he hates me. We’ll be fine.”

Erwin hesitated. He was curious about the falling out between them, but it wasn’t really his
business. “Anything I should know about Francis before our discussion?”

“He’s a fucking moron.”

“Anything more helpful than that?”

A roar sounded from upstairs, followed by a shout of, “I’ll kill him!” Footsteps stampeded down
the stairs.

“He’s violent and impulsive.” Levi rose to his feet. “Stand back.”

Erwin brought his tea with him as he moved to stand by the stove, out of the way. A few seconds
later, a man barrelled into the room, the stench of alcohol blossoming through the air.
Levi quietly sidestepped the charging man, grabbed an arm and twisted. The man flipped and
landed hard on his back. There was a pause, then the room filled with drunken sobs.

Leona hovered in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest. “He’s not adapting so well to his
life changes.”

The sobbing sound was so pathetic that Erwin couldn’t resist stepping closer for a look. Francis
looked at once brawny and scrawny, an odd patchwork of a broad frame and jutting bones. He had
blond hair, and a long nose and face.

Levi loomed over the sobbing man, lip curled. “Fucking hell, shut up .”

Francis smeared his nose on his sleeve and sat up. “You’ve come to gloat, haven’t you?” he
slurred. “And you still owe my mother money, you stinking little trash pile, and you stole all my
shit.”

Levi stepped across Francis and grabbed his collar, lifting him until their noses almost touched.
“You ever tell her what the money was for?”

The bloodshot eyes flew open. “No!”

“Hey, Leona,” Levi said without looking away. “Your useless ass of a son made me borrow money
because—”

“Stop!” Francis clumsily tried to smack Levi’s arms away and failed. “What do you want?”

“First, you’re not going to tell anyone we were here. Second, you’re going to tell me a few of
Rage’s main hideouts.”

Francis’ shoulders sagged. “Fine.”

While they were speaking, Erwin stepped closer to Leona. The woman’s gaze was distant, her
mouth sagging. He rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She didn’t look up, but she stepped
closer to him.

“It’s tough right now,” she said quietly. “Food supplies are low. Any rationing you see on the
surface hits us twofold.”

“That’s why we need to reclaim the wall as soon as possible. We need more land for crops.”

“Rage is a scumbag, but he controls a substantial portion of the trade down here. And, by the looks
of it, your friend Sahlo provides a source of food.” The woman looked up at him. “Careful what
you root out, Erwin. If Sahlo is a major part of our trade, removing him could have massive
repercussions for my people. Wall Maria isn’t good to us if half the Underground starves before
you get there.”

Even after all his planning, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. “That’s good advice. Thank you.”
All the more reason they needed to figure out a way to control Sahlo instead of violently removing
him.

Levi released Francis’ collars; the man slumped back to the floor.

“Here.” Levi tossed a sack of coins at Leona. “That should cover the loan and then some.” He
grabbed his gear case and turned to Erwin, waiting.
Erwin nodded. “I’m sure we’ll see you again soon, Leona. Take care.” He gripped her shoulder one
last time, and she gave him a weak smile.

As they stepped onto the street, Levi gave a low sigh. “Fucking Francis.”

“Did he have useful information?”

“Yeah, I know where to start.” Levi nodded west, and they began to walk.

Erwin’s curiosity outweighed his tact. “Why did you borrow the money?”

“To bribe the MP that were about to arrest him. He told me they caught him stealing food, made
me promise not to tell his mother.” His brows lowered. “Truth came out later: he’d been arrested
for trying to buy sex off a woman on the street corner, who happened to be an undercover MP.
Turns out all the other money he’d been borrowing from me was to pay for sex on the side. So I
robbed him to get my money back.”

Erwin hesitated, not sure what to say. “That must have been—”

“Don’t. It was a long time ago.” Levi glanced up at him. “He mentioned a strip club not far from
here, run by some of Rage’s people. It’s not far from a place where we can stash our gear. Seems
like a safe place to start, ask around a bit.”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

“How do you want to approach this?”

“We shouldn’t let on that we’re travelling together. We’re more easily spotted as a duo. I’ll play
the part of a somewhat clueless investor from the surface looking to engage in business with Rage.
But Levi, I want you to take the lead on this mission.”

“Yeah?” The Captain’s eyes were constantly scanning the area around them, inspecting everyone
they passed.

“You’re intimately acquainted with the local customs. I’ll defer to your judgement.”

“Okay, then you aren’t an investor. You’re a messenger for an interested party. You’ll get further
that way. Act scared; back down easily. I’ll take the more aggressive approach.” Levi took a sharp
left beneath a crumbling archway. “If one of us leaves with anyone, the other will get on the gear
and tail them—not too close to be noticed, but not too far away. An alleyway discussion can turn
into a kidnapping in an instant. Rubbing the bridge of my nose means we’re in potential danger and
need to back out quietly. Rubbing the back of my neck means we need to flee immediately at any
cost.”

“Understood.” Erwin felt a swell of pride. The government officials, Sahlo especially, seemed to
write off Levi as merely his pawn, but his strategic skills and intelligence were not to be
underestimated.

They came to a series of conjoined, blocky homes. Levi slowed as he approached one of the
staircases. His face was grim.

Why does this look familiar? Erwin thought. Then he remembered standing next to a bound Levi
and his friends at the base of the stairs while Mike and Seth gathered the trio’s worldly
possessions. “Your old home?”
“It’s close to the club.”

“No one lives here now?”

“Doubt it. The whole place was ready to collapse even back then.” Levi opened the door. The
hinge’s creaking stiffness suggested it had been unused for a very long time.

They stepped into the home, and Erwin’s gaze travelled around the room. The home was empty—
people must have looted the furniture. Several long cracks ran through the ceiling, forming an
enormous hole over the living room.

Levi stalked over to a closet door. His movements were too stiff, too controlled.

“You okay?” Erwin asked.

“Fine.” Levi threw open the door, then hesitated. His fingers trailed down a long, tattered brown
scarf. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“Isabel’s?”

“No. Farlan’s. It was his mother’s.” His throat bobbed, and then he added quietly, “That whole line
is dead now. So is almost everyone I knew down here.”

“Levi—”

“It’s fine.” Levi bent down and slid aside a large panel in the side wall of the closet, revealing a
large cubby. He shoved their gear cases in. The panel fell back into place, its seams invisible.
“Let’s go.”

As they walked down the street, Erwin watched him out of the corner of his eye. Levi’s walk was
different, with a confident bounce in each step, almost a swagger. His face was hard, his brows
angry instead of just annoyed. He looks like the criminal I made a deal with five years ago.

Erwin had two very different reactions to that shift. It was ideal for their mission, and a small part
of him did get a thrill out of picturing Levi’s old life: freedom from laws, freedom from society’s
rules. That being said, it was likely a defensive reaction, a mask to cover emotional pain, and he
hated the idea of Levi suffering.

It’s your fault, his conscience said, and it was correct, but he would deal with that later. They had a
mission to complete.

A block and a half away, they came upon a small, rundown building with a garishly dressed
woman standing outside, flanked by two bodyguards. Levi glanced at the door, then led Erwin
around a corner and stopped.

“Wait here.”

Erwin leaned against the cold stone wall, folding his arms over his chest as he waited for Levi to
return. As before, the passersby didn’t pay him any heed. His invisibility was at once liberating and
unnerving. He could always tell when he was in danger when titans or politicians were around, but
the people of the Underground weren’t giving him any recognizable cues. If one of them were to
attack, he wouldn’t see it coming.

Levi returned a few minutes later. “I didn't recognize anyone in there, and no one recognized me.
You’ll work the brown-haired dancer on centre stage.”
Erwin’s brows rose. “What?”

“Work her. Talk to her, buy a few lap dances, build a rapport and ask questions.”

“Lap dances?”

Levi shrugged. “She’s your type, so it shouldn’t be hard to fake interest. She’s young, so she
probably idolizes Rage and wants to be helpful. Your investment angle might work. Pour on your
charm and maybe enjoy a dance or two for yourself. Just don’t kiss her or pull out your dick or any
shit like that.”

“Pull out—?” Erwin blinked. “Levi—”

“I’ll work the bartender. Give me a head start and remember the signals.” Then he disappeared
around the corner again.

I’m so far out of my element. Erwin leaned back against the stone wall and began to slowly count
to a hundred. How was he supposed to attract the attention of a woman who had countless men
drooling over her every night? He had been a decent flirt back in the day, but that was a long time
ago.

A few minutes later, the bouncers eyed him as he approached the building, but the woman standing
between them smiled. Makeup was caked on her face, cracking and flaking near the corners of her
eyes and mouth.

“Welcome, hon! We’ll need to collect an entrance fee before you can enter.”

Had Levi been asked to pay a fee, too, or had Erwin been selectively targeted? Maybe I do stand
out here more than I think. He tipped a couple extra coins just to ensure her bodyguards wouldn’t
cause him any trouble. He could probably take them, even alone and without his gear, but a fight
would draw unwanted attention.

He stepped into the club, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. The front of
the room was lined with three round stages, a pole in the centre of each. A woman danced on each
pole, each of them in a different stage of removing their lacy clothing. Two other women sat
behind the stages, playing a song on string instruments that were badly in need of tuning. Patrons
sat in front of the stages in rows, slack-jawed. A bar lined the back of the room; he could see Levi
chatting with the bartender.

The woman on the centre stage was petite, with a curvy figure barely hidden beneath a lace robe.
She gracefully paced around the pole, slipping the lace off one shoulder as she moved.

Erwin sat, then shifted against the hard chair to find a comfortable position. Watching a dancer as a
Commander was a very different experience than it had been as a new recruit. He found himself
admiring the flexing muscles in her upper back as she delicately spun her body out from the pole,
parallel to the ground. She has good balance. I wonder how naturally she’d take to the 3DMG?

The dancer landed gracefully on the stage, paced around the pole, then stood tall. The robe slid off
her shoulders and down her body like water. Now Erwin could see her jutting ribs and collarbones,
her hollow abdomen. Everyone is malnourished down here, he thought, trying not to focus on the
pleasing curves of her frame. How wrong was it that he was even noticing those curves when that
same body told the story of someone who was starving? He found himself watching Levi out of the
corner of his eye instead. The bartender was leaning close on one elbow, a grin on his face. Was
Levi flirting with him? What would that even look like?
A man approached the centre stage with a gold coin in his teeth. The dancer grinned and dropped
to all fours, crawling across the stage toward him. Erwin was no stranger to strip clubs—in his
training days, he and several classmates had sneaked into their share of them—but what had once
seemed titillating now seemed grotesque. He’s making her beg like a dog . She used her hands to
press her petite breasts to either side of his face, as if collecting the coin, and the man rubbed his
face in her cleavage. Now that she was near the front of the stage, he could see she was young,
maybe eighteen. At that age, she should be finding herself, falling in love, breathing fresh air on
the surface.

But who was he to judge the scenario? He had thrown women three years her junior into the
mouths of titans—was that really a better fate? So far as a dancer and soldier knew, each of them
was using their body to claim whatever freedom they could in this cage of a world, but really, they
were both performing for a man who was using them for his own goals.

The worst part was, in spite of the grotesqueness of the display, in spite of his conflict, his body
was responding.

He bowed his head and clenched his thigh muscles, trying to keep blood from pooling between his
legs. His little moral puzzles could wait until later. He had a mission to execute.

When he lifted his head, the dancer had left the stage. He sagged forward onto his elbows, wishing
he had more information about how a person arranged to chat privately with a dancer. Was it as
simple as finding her and waving cash in her face?

He didn’t have to put much effort into his plan—a moment later, a hand rested on his shoulder.
“You look like you could use a drink, handsome.”

He turned to see the girl from the stage, this time wearing a tight cropped shirt, a tiny skirt, and
high boots. Her inner forearm bore a familiar symbol: two triangles forming a diamond, a dot in its
top half. Rage Klein. He has her marked like livestock. Anger swelled in his throat, but if there was
one thing Erwin excelled at, it was hiding his emotions.

He coolly turned to face the front again. “I’ll have your darkest beer.”

“Beer? I would’ve expected wine or brandy, the way you’re dressed.”

He eyed her, barely turning his head. “And how am I dressed?”

“Fancy.” She stiffly bent down, as if trying to mimic a pose she had been taught. Her breasts fell
forward, barely restrained by the shirt’s low neckline.

Erwin cursed the goosebumps rising along his arms. He wasn’t in the mood for biology to betray
him, not now. Dammit, Levi. I shouldn’t be the one doing this. He refused to let his gaze drop from
her eyes.

“Fancy?”

“Yeah. Far too fancy for this crowd.”

“If that’s your way of offering a private dance, then I’d be delighted to accept.” He let a hint of
warmth show on his face. “Name your price.”

A flush rose to her cheeks, all her previous poise gone. “Ah. I’m supposed to be serving drinks
right now, and your beer—”
“I’m not here for the alcohol.” He opened his jacket to flash one of the coin pouches at her. “I’ll
compensate you better than anyone else here ever could.” Dirty, he felt dirty .

She glanced at the stage, then back at him. “One of the girls might cover for me. Hold on.” Her
Underground way of speech was thicker now, words clipped, consonants trilling. Levi had spoken
that way when he had first arrived at the Survey Corps headquarters—when he had spoken at all.
Now he tended to enunciate more clearly, but the trill still came out from time to time, especially
when he was drunk or angry.

“I’ll be waiting.” Erwin allowed himself a sidelong glance at Levi, who was leaning forward on his
barstool, still engaged in conversation with the bartender. I wish you were about to dance for me
instead.

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi saw the dancer Erwin was supposed to be engaging. She stepped
behind a curtain and disappeared. Fortunately, the bartender excused himself to help another
customer, affording Levi a quick look in Erwin’s direction. Their eyes locked, then Erwin turned
away without offering the warning signal. Good.

A moment later, the bartender returned to top up his drink. “I must say, you seem more interested
in the customers than the ladies.”

Levi shrugged. “So do you.”

The bartender grinned, showing teeth that were surprisingly white for a resident of the
Underground. “They’re paying me to be here. What’s your excuse?”

Levi took a sip of the liquor, then grimaced, fighting back a shudder. Drinking with Erwin so often
had refined his palate, and Underground liquor went down like a mouthful of nails. “I’m looking
for information. Heard this is the place to get it.”

“Yeah, we get all kinds here, and the girls do hear their share of strange tales. I’ve heard a few
myself.”

“I see.” Exactly as he had hoped. Leaning forward, Levi set his drink aside. “Any stories you’d
share for the right price?”

The bartender leaned forward on his elbows, mirroring his posture. His eyes trailed down Levi’s
chin to his chest, then back up again. “Are we talking cash, or other forms of payment?”

“I don’t fuck strangers.”

The bartender smirked. “A romantic.” He held out a hand. “Thiemo.”

“Emil,” Levi said, staring at his hand. “I don’t shake hands, either.”

The bartender’s smirk broadened into a genuine smile. “Well then, what do you do, Emil?”

“I pay.” Levi pulled two coins out of his pocket and slid them across the bar. “For the drink.
There’s more where that came from if you have information to sell. No bullshit.”

Thiemo pocketed the coins, then stood tall and began to wipe the surface of the bar. “Depends
what it’s about.”
“I’ve been hired by a lord on the surface, Lord Hasek.” He paused, second-guessing himself. Was
it Hasek or Haber? He kept getting the name mixed up.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of Hasek,” said the bartender, and Levi felt a wave of relief. “His name shows
up on shipping labels now and then. Don’t think he’s ever been down here, though.”

“No, but he’s looking to expand. Thing is, there’s another business owner who’s controlling a lot of
his potential market down here. Hasek wants me to do a little research, find out more about the
guy’s dealings down here.”

“Give me a name,” Thiemo said.

“Étienne.”

“Ah. The Wallist fuck. Yeah, I’ve run into him a couple times. I don’t know much, but I’ll tell you
what I can.”

Levi discreetly slid three more coins across the bar. “The more you say, the more I’ll give you.”

“Sounds good to me,” Thiemo said, his grin stretching across his face.

“This way,” said the dancer, closing a cold, damp grip around Erwin’s wrist. She led him to the
curtain at the back of the room. He glanced briefly at Levi to let him know he was okay, but Levi
was too deep in conversation with the bartender to notice him. Hopefully he was getting
somewhere.

The girl led him through the curtain and into a dimly lit hallway, then took a sharp left into a small
booth lit by a single lamp mounted in the corner. She pushed Erwin to a seat on a padded bench,
closed the door, then stood in front of him. Her jaw was trembling, and his heart broke for her. He
wondered if there was a way they could just sit and talk without making her suspicious.

A hand trailed up his chest and neck as she stared down at him. “You’re a lot better looking than
most of the people I’ve danced for, Handsome.”

He had frequently been called handsome throughout his life, and he never understood it. His nose
was beaky, and his eyes always looked empty and severe—not to mention his god-awful eyebrows.
People were easily distracted by his hair and his height.

It perplexed him, but that didn’t stop him from using it to his advantage. He gave a charming
smile. “You flatter me. I wasn’t the one drawing every eye in the room. I’m honoured you agreed
to share that beauty privately with me.”

She beamed. “So.” Her hands gripped his shoulders. “How much contact do you want? I won’t
charge too much because you’re so handsome.”

The question surprised him. “Contact?”

“Yeah, I can do more than dance. I can add on a hand job for an extra ten, a blow job for—”

“I’d prefer to watch you dance.”

“Okay, but you might change your mind by the end of it,” she said with a wink.

Is this secretly a brothel in addition to a strip club? He felt a twinge of familiarity, some thread he
should pull, but he couldn’t quite formulate the thought. The dancer had already begun gyrating her
hips, her thumbs hooking into the waistband of her tiny skirt. His mind was sluggish, and he
silently cursed Levi. I should have been the one flirting with the employee who’s staying fully-
clothed.

Thinking about Levi only made matters worse. The girl spun away from him and bent down,
waggling her barely-clothed ass toward his face, and now he was conflating the two in his mind.
First he was picturing Levi in her place, and then he was recalling Levi’s ass grinding against his
face: the scent, the taste, the sound of Levi moaning for him. The comparison between the two—
the man he loved and a woman he barely knew—was making him increasingly uncomfortable.
This is so hollow, so pointless.

“ What’s your name?” he asked, trying to keep himself on task.

She paused to look back. “Hyacinth.”

“Hyacinth?” he repeated, thinking it a strange name.

She stood and pulled her shirt over her head in a manner that was probably supposed to be
seductive, but came across stiff and rehearsed. “They wanted me to choose a flower name, and all
the good ones were taken already.”

“I see,” he said absently. He let his gaze linger on the gang tattoo in her inner forearm. There was
something he was supposed to be focusing on, some familiar thought that was just out of reach, but
now her breasts were jiggling toward his face. He reflexively pulled away.

She stopped and looked down at him, eyes wide. “You don’t like my tits?”

“They’re lovely,” he said honestly. “I don’t mean to offend. This is just … new for me.”

“Oh.” Her jaw quivered. “I could give you blowjob, if it’ll help you relax. Half price.”

He couldn’t tear his eyes from that quivering jaw. This charade had gone too far; now they were
both uncomfortable. He gave her a soft smile. “Actually, I’d like to just sit and talk for a few
minutes, if that’s alright with you. I’ll pay you for your time.”

Her brows pinched. “What?”

“I’m enjoying your company, but I don’t want to force you to do anything untoward.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Oh. You’re one of those .”

“One of what?”

“The surface dwellers of marrying age who think they can save me from this ‘untoward’ job by
whisking me away to safety where we can live happily ever after.” Her voice rose. “You probably
think I’m trapped here, right? Maybe made some bad life choices, and you can rescue me and show
me a better life?”

“I didn’t assume any of that,” Erwin said politely, even though he had. “You seemed a little
nervous and uncomfortable.”

“Of course I did! I’m new at this. I want to do a good job. Doesn’t mean I’m some quaking little
girl who needs a fucking rescue.” Her jaw was quivering again, and this time, he was certain it was
from anger. “I’m here by choice. I make more here than I would at any other job in town, enough
to feed my entire family, and all I have to do is suck a dick or two a night. I’m not going to let some
blond asshole take me away from that so we can ride off on his high horse together.”

“I sincerely apologize,” he said. “I think perhaps I was projecting some of my own reservations
onto you.”

Her arms folded over her chest; she didn’t seem ready to let it go yet. “You surface dwellers don’t
know shit about life down here.”

“We really don’t.” He wanted to tell her that he was trying, that he was fighting to make life better
for everyone, but that suddenly seemed arrogant. Would life really improve for people down here
if they reclaimed Wall Maria? Sure, there would be more food, but the classist segregation of the
Underground residents had been in place long before the wall had ever fallen. How much would it
benefit them, really?

Well, he could question his assumptions about Underground life later. For now, he had a mission to
complete. His eyes drifted back to her tattoo, and now that his senses were clear again, he realized
what had felt so familiar. The very first link between Sahlo and Rage had been the sex worker
Sahlo had tried to offer him early in their relationship, one with the tattoo on her ankle. If this girl
was a sex worker, too, she might be aware of the business that supplied Sahlo with his escorts.

“I’m sorry, Hyacinth,” he said. “I didn’t mean to be so rude. Truth be told, I came here looking for
more than a dance before I was pleasantly distracted by your beauty.”

“Oh?” she said, staring down her nose at him.

“I represent a rather wealthy lord on the surface. He requires an escort for an upcoming gala, and
he heard a rumour that some of the sex workers around here are willing to provide escort services
to the surface for a good price.”

“Yeah, of course?” she said, confused, as if it were blindingly obvious.

“The problem is, he wrote down a specific business name for me, but I lost the paper. I’m not sure
this is the location he asked me to visit.”

“Sure it is. We’re the only ones in town with the passes.”

“The passes?”

“Yeah, the day passes to the surface. My boss gets ‘em through some lord in town.”

“I see,” Erwin said. “Your boss has good business sense, making sure this business is the only one
that can provide your special escort service.”

“Yeah. It’s the reason we all want to work here. Surface dwellers pay out the nose for their dates.”
She leaned closer. “Now you see why I don’t need to be rescued. First time I land an escort night,
I’ll make more money in a few hours than you do in a month.”

“I don’t doubt it. I apologize again, and wish you luck.” He gave her a bag of gold. “Who do I
contact about setting up a date? I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you as his first choice.”

“Oh!” The idea seemed to delight her. “Your lord should go through a company called HDB
Shipping in Mitras.”

His jaw clenched at the familiar name: Sahlo’s dummy company, the one he used to receive his cut
of recovered funds from Survey Corps expeditions. “And what if I’m ready to talk to someone
down here tonight?”

“Talk to our bartender, Thiemo. He’s pretty much my boss’s right-hand man.”

Erwin’s stomach dropped. The one Levi’s speaking to?

They had to abort the mission. They had gotten in way too deep, and it might already be too late to
prevent Sahlo from hearing about this visit.

We only meant to scout the perimeter, but we jumped straight into the titan’s mouth instead.

“Say, Emil,” Thiemo said with a brilliant smile. “Since we’re friends now, I’ll let you in on a
secret: I have a meeting with some of Étienne’s men in a few minutes.” He finished polishing a
glass and set it under the bar. “Maybe you should tail me, do a bit of observing. You’ll probably
figure out everything you need to know pretty quickly.”

Convenient, Levi thought. Thiemo had done nothing but talk vaguely around Étienne for the past
ten minutes. His reluctance to divulge information suggested he was hiding a lot—too much. This
‘meeting’ was obviously a trap.

Unfortunately, Levi had no reasonable excuse to bow out. Thiemo was offering him the exact
information Levi had been asking about. If he didn’t follow through, he’d be outright admitting his
cover story had been a lie.

“Yeah?” was all he said aloud.

“Yeah, he wants to talk to my boss. Anyone who tries to go to my boss goes through me first.”
Metal glinted in his sleeve as he finished tucking a knife into it.

Levi studied the man’s thick neck muscles and broad shoulders. He isn’t just a bartender. He’s one
of Rage’s main goons.

At least if they went onto the street, there wouldn’t be an entire strip club’s worth of patrons
jumping into a brawl.

“Sure. I’ll come.” Levi slid the last few coins across the bar, then hopped down from the stool. He
mimed a twisting stretch, looking for Erwin. He found him standing near one of the side stages,
arms folded tightly over his chest. Their eyes met.

Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose: the signal they were in danger.

Agreed , Levi thought, rubbing his as well. He hoped Erwin was good at tailing people. Stealthily
following a human was far different from stealthily following a titan.

Thiemo lit a small lantern as he led Levi into the back alley. Levi’s gaze swept back and forth as
they walked, anticipating the trap. He hoped Erwin had taken the time to retrieve his gear. Thiemo
was likely going to lead him along a twisting path, making it difficult to follow on foot. The gear
might attract unwanted attention, but it would help Erwin track them down.

“Let me know when we get close to the meeting spot,” he said aloud. “I’ll fall back.”

“Yeah,” Thiemo said, looking straight ahead. If Levi had missed every other indication that this
was a trap, the casual mannerisms would have been a dead giveaway. A man bringing a spy to a
meet up would be paranoid about being spotted.

Levi gritted his teeth. Coming to this club was a fucking terrible idea. He should have known that
idiot Francis would send them right into danger. It certainly wasn’t intentional—no, Francis wasn’t
smart enough to be malicious—but the man had always had the worst luck.

It was difficult to guess their destination. They were heading south, to an older area of the city that
had been thoroughly controlled by Rage during Levi’s time down here. He had only been through
here a few times in passing. This meant there was no chance he would be recognized, at least, but
he didn’t have any knowledge about the area to use to his advantage.

A light scuff sounded behind him. He casually turned to look back, but the alley was empty. He
hoped it was Erwin, but it didn’t sound right. Erwin walked on his heels and moved with a stiff
upper body, which added weight to his gait; he sank even lower to the ground when he was in a
combat-ready stance, so the scuff would have been extra heavy. This scuff had been light, as if
made by someone who walked on the balls of their feet. Must be Thiemo’s backup.

As they crossed an intersection, Levi saw a shadowed movement in his periphery, then another on
the other side. They were converging on him. His eyes darted to the path ahead of them. The alley
was opening into a wider road, but the buildings here were even more worn than they had been
around the club. This area wasn’t maintained; it must be lightly populated. They’re going to lure
me into the open and surround me.

“ We getting close?”

“I’ll let you know when to hide,” Thiemo said as he turned to him, his smile too broad.

As Erwin marched toward Levi’s old home, he carefully studied his surroundings, making a mental
map of the area. He hadn’t been close enough to hear what Levi and Thiemo had been discussing,
but he knew Levi would have fought his way out if he were under direct duress. Their departure
must have been more amicable. The bartender must have offered to show him something, and Levi
couldn’t drop his ruse without arousing suspicion.

So, where was the bartender taking him? To a hideout? To Sahlo? The longer Erwin took to
retrieve the gear, the harder it would be to find out.

The ceiling shook as he closed the door, debris crumbling into the room. It was difficult to imagine
Levi living in a place where he had to dust every time the door closed.

There was a lot about Levi’s life down here that was difficult to imagine.

Erwin hastily pulled on his gear, then tugged each strap to double-check the buckles. He struggled
to grip both the gear handles and the gear cases at the same time, then gave up. There was no way
he was going to be able to operate the gear and bring Levi’s case to him at the same time. He
would have to find Levi and bring him here instead.

He eased the front door open, then frowned. Several people were milling around the streets. He
closed the door and returned to the living room, looking up at the hole in the ceiling. The second
floor above him had a crumbling roof, as well, but it wasn’t large enough for a person to fit
through. Well, the rooftop was the safest way to avoid being identified—he would be noticed, but
he would be high up enough that no one could see his face.
He set his jaw, anchored to the crumbling roof, and slingshotted himself toward the hole with a
burst of gas. His chin tucked to his chest, arms crossed over his head, as he slammed into the roof.
Wood, clay and straw fell around him, his forearms numb from the impact—

—and then he was surrounded by air and a cloud of dust. He flipped forward and landed softly on
his feet on the rooftop, brushing dust from his face and hair. The roof was cracking in all directions
from the exit hole, so he didn’t linger. A taller building across the street would give him a better
vantage point. He anchored into it and arced over the street, avoiding looking down in case anyone
was watching him.

From the top of the taller building, he had a good view of the city. It sprawled in every direction,
boxy and orange in the lamplight, darkness covering large swaths of it. Which way had they taken
Levi? It had to be away from the main road. Several blocks north, east, and west of the club were
well lit. His eyes narrowed as he began to move south, using the gear to travel from rooftop to
rooftop. Darkness settled around him, and he moved a bit slower, giving his eyes time to adjust.
Soon he found what he was looking for: the glow of a lantern on the walls, a lone light amidst the
darkness. He moved in closer and perched on the end of a building, looking down. The streets here
were deserted, the buildings even more decrepit than they had been a few blocks ago.

Another glow in his periphery caught his attention. He hunched close to the edge of the roof and
peered down. Two men were moving through an alley, their lamp so low it was almost out. A rifle
was strapped to each of their backs, but they didn’t move like Military Police: they were too
cautious, constantly looking back over their shoulders.

Now that Erwin’s eyes were adjusting to the darkness, he could see other faint glows like this one,
converging on that steady source of light. They’re surrounding him.

He quietly sprinted across the roof to the far side, then circled around to Levi. He heard Levi’s
voice before he saw him:

“Stop jerking me around, Thiemo.”

Given how softly Levi normally spoke, the loud tone must be an act to try to attract Erwin’s
attention, a trail of breadcrumbs to lead him in closer.

The bright light stopped moving. “Hey, I’m doing you a favour here,” said a voice that must
belong to Thiemo.

Erwin shot an anchor into the side of the building next to them and arced high into the air,
dropping noiselessly onto the top. When he peered down, he saw Levi standing with his arms
folded over his chest, the bartender holding up the lantern to his face.

“I don’t have time for you to lead me in circles,” Levi said, his voice abnormally loud again.

He’s stalling here. Why? Erwin paced to the far side of the building and saw a large, open
courtyard ahead of them. His brows lowered as he understood: the perfect environment to surround
someone. He could still see those faint lights moving in around them; he counted half a dozen. Why
are there so many of them? Do they know who he is?

“ Look, Emil.” Thiemo’s tone was probably supposed to be friendly, but it had a harsh edge. “This
meeting involves some of my boss’s key contacts, and I just met you, so I’ve gotta be roundabout
to protect my interests. You think I’m going to lead you straight there and jeopardize the security
of my boss’s operations, just because you have a cute little ass?”
Erwin frowned.

Levi threw his hands in the air. “Do I look like I know where the fuck I am? Fuck! It took me three
goddamned days just to find your shithole bar in the first place.”

The small lights had all stopped within a block of them. Levi’s chin was raised. He must have
noticed they were surrounded. He used that stance on the field, too, taking in his environment
through his periphery.

Erwin crouched, his fingers resting on the triggers of his gear handles, ready to move. There was
still a chance to keep this conversation going a bit longer, to make the bartender accidentally reveal
more information before he helped Levi escape.

“Say, Emil,” Thiemo said, “what was the name of the lord who hired you to gather this information
about Étienne, again?”

Levi’s face blanked.

Lord Hasek , Erwin thought. They had been over this during their preparations. Come on, Levi:
Lord Hasek.

“ Lord Haber,” Levi said.

The lights around them moved in, and Thiemo drew a knife, but Erwin was already swooping
toward them. Levi pulled the knife out of his boot in time to block Thiemo’s swipe; he kicked
Thiemo in the stomach, knocking him back.

Erwin landed beside him and knelt. “Hop on.” The approaching attackers were bracing themselves
in stance, aiming their rifles.

Levi hopped onto his back, and Erwin propelled them both over the attackers with a burst of gas.
One of the guns went off near them, the bullet’s impact so close it showered them with dust.

“Shit,” Levi said in his ear, his arms and legs tightening around him. “We got way too fucking
close to Rage.”

“And to Sahlo.” Erwin’s voice strained as he tried to pilot both of them from rooftop to rooftop.
Levi was small, but surprisingly heavy, and Erwin’s gear wasn’t calibrated to handle their
combined weight.

“That meathead bartender is Rage’s muscle,” Levi said.

“Yeah, his right-hand man, apparently.”

“The club must be one of Rage’s main bases of operations. I bet the basement is a drug house.
Maybe they use the business to launder money.”

“Loosen your grip on my chest a bit,” Erwin wheezed as he navigated toward Levi’s old home.

“Do you know how fucking terrifying it is to be moving around on 3DMG without being strapped
in?” Levi said, but his grip loosened slightly.

The street was empty. Erwin landed harder than he intended on the front doorstep; his knees
twinged, and he cursed under his breath.

“Hard landing,” Levi said, dropping off his back.

“I’m fine. Hurry.” In retrospect, using Levi’s old home as their base had been unwise. If they had
really stumbled deep into Sahlo and Rage’s network, the last thing they wanted was for Levi to be
recognized. The familiar setting might be a dead giveaway if they were seen here.

They stepped through the door and Erwin gently closed it until it was just touching, watching the
street through the crack. Behind him, he heard the familiar sounds of Levi putting on his gear.

“How was the lap dance?” Levi asked.

“Sahlo hires his escorts out of that club, and his shipping company is a conduit for lords to do the
same.”

“Really? Shit. We’re the luckiest and unluckiest bastards ever, stumbling on that all at once. Get
anything else out of her?”

Erwin glanced back at him. “I was distracted. We should have switched roles.”

Levi tugged each of his harness straps in turn, then began to strap on the blade boxes. “I’m not
good at faking interest in women. She would’ve seen right through me.”

“I’m not sure I did any better.” Erwin turned back to the door, then gritted his teeth. A group of
gun-wielding men and women wandered along the street, clearly looking for them. “We need to
move. Leave the cases. We’ll come back for them later.”

Behind him, the closet door closed. “Let’s go.”

Erwin softly shut the front door, then turned and pointed to the roof. Levi nodded and shot for the
hole without so much as a last glance around his old home.

They landed on the rooftop and used the gear to sneak several rooftops down, trying to make sure
their enemies on the street wouldn’t see them. Once they had put a decent distance between them,
Levi swung out over the street, Erwin following closely behind. Shouts sounded from the street,
and a rifle fired, but they were already well out of range. They darted around a corner into a side
street, dodging laundry lines and crumbling roofs.

Levi glanced back, and his eyes widened. He dove deeper into the alley with a burst of speed.
Erwin checked over his shoulder and saw four figures on 3DMG in the distance. Shit. They must
have accidentally passed over a Military Police patrol; use of the gear by civilians was prohibited.
His jaw set. Even the most novice soldiers in the Survey Corps could out-manoeuvre the average
MP. He swooped after Levi. Together, they zigzagged along alleys, sticking low to the ground.

After several blocks, Levi swung above the tops of the buildings and dropped onto a roof. Erwin
landed beside him.

“I think we lost them,” Levi said, shoving a hand through his hair. “What a fucking mess. Let’s get
the gear cases and go.”

“The cases are disposable. We’ll leave them.” Erwin scanned the area. In their haste to escape the
MP, they had ventured deep into an unlit area of the city. “Is this where you were before?”

“Not quite.” Levi was staring at the ceiling far above them as if studying the glowing crystals. It
took Erwin a moment to realize he was trying to catch his bearings.

“Do you know where we are?”

“It’s dark and I wasn’t in this area very much,” Levi said. “I’m going to scout. Stay here.”

“It’s a bad idea for us to separate.”

“With MP crawling around? They capture me and identify me, we pretend I double-crossed you
and came back to Underground life. Keeps you out of trouble.” Levi eyed him. “Lay low.”

“Levi—”

“You wanted me to take the lead on this mission, right? Don’t let them see you.” He jumped over
the edge of the building and, with a burst of gas, was gone.

Erwin flattened against the roof of the building. A fucking mess, indeed. He saw now why Levi and
Leona had both been opposed to his plan. He had grown too accustomed to the politics of the
surface, where lazy lords wove thick webs of bureaucracy and self-interest that changed very little
when he plucked at single threads. Down here, people’s desperation made them wildly
unpredictable. He had expected tangled webs and had found dry tinder instead; the tiniest spark of
interest could start a roaring flame.

A murmur from the alley caught his attention. He peered over the ledge of the roof. Two people
armed with rifles strode down the alley, lamp low. They were idly chatting, barely glancing around
them. Erwin recognized the woman as the one who had gotten a shot on them before. He strained
to hear their conversation.

“—long gone. Fucking Thiemo, thinks he can—” The words that followed were unintelligible from
this distance. He crawled further forward to watch them. The woman sat on a box against the wall,
the man standing beside her.

“You know what?” said the woman loudly. “Fuck him. We have a date to finish.” She stood and
grabbed the man’s collar, then shoved him back against the wall, her mouth covering his. Erwin
couldn’t hear what the man replied, but the woman’s giggle was unmistakably flirty. The light
dimmed, then went out, cloaking them completely in shadow.

Levi isn’t going to see them. Erwin stood. He had to draw them out before Levi returned.

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he spotted faint, glowing lights in the neighbouring blocks. Had their
escape from the MP landed them right back in Thiemo’s lap?

At least he recognized a few familiar landmarks here. Unfortunately, they were a full kilometre and
a half from the nearest staircase. Avoiding both Thiemo’s goons and the MP was going to be tricky.
Their best bet was likely to open the gear into a full-out sprint across the city.

He swooped back toward Erwin and was surprised to see his silhouette on top of the roof. That
wasn’t right; Levi had asked him to stay low.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He latched onto the side of a building and hung
there for a moment, scanning for danger.

The rock wall beside his head exploded.

Shit! He dove forward, already in motion before he had fully processed what had happened. A
gunshot, from below. In the dim light, he could just barely see motion on the ground.
He thrust himself upwards, trying to blast himself onto the roof for cover.

There was another gunshot, and a ting by his side. His body jerked to the right, and then he was
spinning. The gas canister—they had hit the gas canister. He opened up the right canister to try to
counterbalance the escaping gas from the left, but he had already pulled into too tight of a spin. It
was too dark, too fast, to know which way was up. He fired his grapples in opposite directions,
desperate to anchor himself. One grapple found only air. The other latched onto something solid,
and then he was careening toward a wall.

He slammed into the side of a building, then dropped a full story to the ground, landing so hard that
spots blackened his vision. His lungs were empty and burning; he tried to suck in air, but they
wouldn’t work. The escaping gas forced him flat against the ground, and he was too stunned to
push back against it.

Fuck!

Booted feet landed in front of him. Levi struggled to lift his head. Erwin stood guard, back to him,
a blade drawn on either side.

“Get up,” he said to Levi without looking back.

Levi gasped as air finally found its way into his lungs. The gas fizzled, and then the tank was
finally empty. He forced himself to sit up.

Erwin strode forward, and now Levi could see two of Thiemo’s goons frantically reloading their
guns in the dim light. Erwin knocked each of the weapons away with the flat of his blades.

“Fuck you,” the woman roared as she lunged at Erwin, drawing a long knife out of her belt. Erwin
caught it with his blade and redirected in an arc. The woman spun around and dropped, disoriented;
the knife clattered to the broken stone road.

The man immediately threw his hands into the air. “Don’t hurt me. I don’t get paid enough for this
shit.”

Levi rose to his feet, still a bit shaky. The woman was crawling along the ground to try to get to the
knife. He kicked it away and drew his blade, its tip hovering centimetres from her face. “Try it.”

She looked up at him, eyes wide.

He kept his gaze trained on her, but used his peripheral vision to look for glowing light or
movement. There, from the north. It took a moment for him to remember Erwin’s fake name
through his dizziness. “August.”

Erwin didn’t look back. “Which direction?”

“North. A block or two away.”

“Your gear—”

“Screwed.”

“Very well.” Erwin leaned close to the surrendering man, his voice deep: “Do not attempt to
follow us. I will not show you this mercy a second time.” He backed away, blade still trained on
him. Levi kept pace with him. Once they were a short distance away, they turned and began to
sprint down the alley.
As they ran, Levi glanced at Erwin, impressed. “That was menacing.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, not bad. You should pull that shit on Sahlo when—” A shrill, three note whistle sounded
behind him, followed by shouts, and Levi’s teeth clenched. We should have knocked out the
woman.

Two men stepped into the alley in front of them. Levi grabbed Erwin’s wrist to jerk him around the
corner, but a bullet flew between them and slammed into the wall. He felt Erwin stumble, heard
him sputter.

The dust blinded him. Levi yanked harder, forcing Erwin to keep running. He glanced back as they
ran. Tears streamed down Erwin’s face, and his face was so caked with dust that it was
unrecognizable.

“Can you see?” Levi asked, voice low.

“Barely.” Erwin’s eyelids fluttered, his eyes still streaming. “Grit in both.”

“Useless,” Levi muttered as he led him around another corner, trying to lose their pursuers.
“Shitgoggles would’ve been more useful than—” He cut himself short as a man stepped into the
alley in front of them. The man’s rifle rose, its barrel pointed squarely at them. “Up! We need to go
up.”

He had barely finished the sentence when he felt Erwin’s arms tighten around him. They burst into
the air.

“Over here!” their attacker yelled, apparently electing not to take his shot.

They landed on the roof. Levi fell to his knees, gasping for air. Getting winded earlier had really
taken it out of him, and Erwin’s grip had been protectively tight.

Erwin knelt, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his palm. “Are you breathing okay?”

“Yeah,” Levi wheezed. “Can you see?”

“Yeah. How far is the nearest staircase?”

“At least a kilometre that way.” Levi pointed.

“Blindly fleeing isn’t working. We need a plan.”

Below them, people were shouting at each other, but they couldn’t seem to figure out a way to get
to the rooftop. That was one advantage of the Underground’s boxy, shoddy workmanship.

Erwin tapped his gas tank. “If I carry you, think we can outrun them and make it to the stairs on
three-quarters of a tank?”

“How should I know?” Movement in Levi’s periphery caught his attention. Thiemo’s men were
repositioning themselves across the street, almost invisible in the shadows. I wish I knew this area
as well as they did.

“ We need to get up high,” Erwin said. “Get a good vantage point, figure out a safe pathway to the
staircases.”
Levi’s eyes snapped to a tall building a block north, an old ruined church with high spires. “There.”

“Might be too high for both of us on one gear.”

“I’ll blast my good tank. It’ll veer us left, but should give us a boost. If we can’t get up there, drop
me and go.”

“Levi—”

“I’ll be fine. If we separate, try to lure them after you, give me time to escape. I’ll meet you at the
foot of the staircase.”

Erwin gripped Levi’s shoulder and pressed a palm to his jaw. Their gaze held.

Then Erwin turned and hurried toward the back of the building, away from all the voices. Levi
followed behind. They easily jumped to the next building without using the gear.

“They’re heading north!” yelled a voice from their right. Now Levi could see the rifleman lined up
along the roof of the building next to them.

“Get on,” Erwin said, barely slowing as they ran toward the next building. His anchors slammed
into the side of the church. Levi jumped onto his back, and they burst into the air.

Levi engaged his gas tank, but their ascent was still sluggish. At this speed, they were an easy
target for the rifles.

“Open it up,” Erwin said.

“I did. It’s not … ” Levi reached behind him, then cursed. The bullet that had hit his left tank had
also damaged the hose of his right; there was no way for the gas to get to the propulsion
mechanism. “My gear is dead.”

In the silence that followed, he could hear the gear creak as it tried to reel them both in.

He gritted his teeth. “See you at the staircase.”

“What?” Erwin said. “Levi—”

Levi released Erwin’s torso and began to plummet toward the rooftop below. He pulled into a tuck,
landed on his shoulder and rolled.

Gunshots sounded, far over his head. I hope you got the speed you needed to escape that, Erwin.
He landed on his feet near the edge of the roof and grabbed the edge, lowering his body over it. It
was nearly a storey and a half drop to the ground, and he tucked the landing, easily rolling this
drop, too.

Once he had found his feet on the ground, he slumped against the side of the building. His instincts
told him to pant for breath, but he held it instead, listening.

A figure zipped over top of him—good. Erwin hadn’t been hit. Light flashed around the corner
ahead of him, twice. More gunfire.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek. Originally, he had planned to slip away while Erwin distracted
them, but what if they got lucky and hit him? He slipped forward and peered around the corner.

Three men stood with their backs to him. Two were reloading; the third had his gun trained on the
sky.

Shouts sounded further down the street: “North, north!”

The man aimed at the sky, waiting. “You’re mine this time, you bastard.”

Levi began to creep toward his back, his boots noiseless on the ground.

“Incoming!” yelled his friend just as Erwin’s silhouette swooped through the sky.

Levi lunged. His elbow connected between the shooter’s shoulder blades. The shot went wild, and
the shooter dropped to all fours.

Two pairs of stunned eyes snapped to Levi. His fists snapped out, one, two, and caught them each
in the nose. For good measure, he kicked them hard between the legs, dropping them.

“Shit,” wheezed the shooter. Levi grabbed him by the hair and hoisted him up to face level.

“You Thiemo’s men?” Levi drew a blade from his boot, pressing the flat of it to the man’s trachea.

“Who are you people?” his captive asked, panicky.

The question surprised him. “What?”

“Who are you? Why does he have so many of us out here? Did Anderson send you?”

The name was unfamiliar, but it was clear from the context that it was the name of a rival gang
leader. “Yeah, Anderson sent me. Get up.” He hoisted the man to his feet and began to walk him
toward the alley. Having a human shield would be useful.

Though, now that he had a minute to consider it, he wasn’t sure a human shield would be useful
against bullets strong enough to penetrate the 3DMG gas canisters. That was advanced technology,
far more advanced than anything Levi had ever seen, above ground or below it.

More gunshots sounded from the street ahead of them. Levi edged back against the wall, thrusting
his human shield in front of him. “How many of you are there?”

“I don’t know. Lots. Thiemo called in the big guns. I just want to go home and sleep.”

“Then you better make sure no one sees or hears us.” None of this made sense. Why would the
bartender send up such a large alarm?

His eyes narrowed. He knows who we are. There was no other explanation, no reason two men
could ever draw a small army and high-tech ammunition.

Had the bartender recognized him from his days in the Underground? Or had Sahlo told him to be
on alert for two men matching their description?

This had to end here. Taking him prisoner wasn’t an option; they’d never get him back up the
staircases. He had to be silenced.

A familiar warmth began to glow in his abdomen.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” his hostage whimpered as they approached the corner. Levi made up his
mind: a noisy human shield was worse than none at all. He brought his fist down on the man’s
head, knocking him unconscious. He stepped over the fallen man and peered around the corner.
Several of Thiemo’s men had congregated here, and at the centre of it stood Thiemo himself.

Levi took a silent breath and tried to edge forward to get a better view, then realized a woman was
standing right beside him, leaning against the wall.

Their eyes locked, and for a stunned moment, she stared down at him.

“Hey—” she began to yell, but Levi drove a fist into her gut, knocking her hard into the wall.
Running footsteps approached from his left; he back flipped out of the way, then slashed with his
knife. His attacker howled, clutching a bleeding arm.

The warmth in his abdomen began to expand, crackling through his veins.

“Kill him,” Thiemo yelled as the attackers began to swarm. “Take the blond one alive.”

Levi spun, slashed, dodged and kicked, easily fending off every attack they threw at him.

This is what you’re meant to do.

He slashed a man across the chest and grabbed him by the throat, slamming him toward the
ground.

It’s in your blood. This is your purpose.

He threw a woman over his shoulder, knocking down two more people behind them. The hair on
the back of his neck rose; he spun and ducked just in time to avoid a gunshot to the back of the
head. The blast had barely sounded when he grabbed the gun and spun it, cracking the butt down
on the head of his attacker. He twisted, clubbing another attacker’s temple, then cast the damaged
gun aside.

Now he could see Erwin on the other side of the fray—when had he landed?—trying to wrestle a
gun out of Thiemo’s hands.

Electricity crackled through Levi’s veins, his vision, coloured it red.

You are a weapon, Levi. Silence him.

He barrelled through the fray and charged at Thiemo. The bartender’s eyes widened and he tried to
aim the gun, but Erwin knocked his elbow. The gun clattered to the side.

Levi jumped at the bartender, slamming him to the ground. He grabbed the man’s hair in one hand
and slashed with the other. A strange peace flooded his body, bright white and glowing, at the
familiar feeling of steel ripping through human flesh. How many people had he killed in his
lifetime, truly? Not just one. It couldn’t be just one, not with how familiar this was. His memory
began to clear, condensation fading from a mirror, showing the true monster in his reflection.

Thiemo smiled. Fuck you, Levi, he mouthed as the blood began to spray from his neck.

Someone might have read his lips. Their secret had to be protected. Levi whipped his head to the
side, lips curled, and launched at the nearest attacker. The knife tore through flesh, through
cartilage. Power surged through him. He turned, hunched, seeking his next target. I’ll silence them
all.

Instead, he saw Erwin. The Commander stood tall, staring at him, his face perfectly blank beneath
layers of dust and grime. Too blank.
The crackle in Levi’s ears faded, and there was only silence. The other attackers were backing off,
faces pale, eyes wide. He felt a trickle down his face, his chin; he looked down and saw dark spray
on his shirt. Blood. So much blood.

Then there were shouts, and four soldiers in uniform dropped from the sky, surrounding him. They
pointed their guns, shouting commands he didn’t understand. He blinked and looked at Erwin, who
was being handcuffed by two soldiers. A few gang members were being handcuffed, as well.

The knife fell from Levi’s hand. Rough hands bound his wrists behind him, and then he found
himself on his knees beside Erwin.

“We will only speak to Commander Nile Dok,” Erwin was saying, over and over.

“Shut up!” a soldier said, booting Erwin in the gut. The blow was so pitiful that Erwin didn’t even
flinch. “The only person you’re talking to is a fucking jail guard, you thug scum. ”

“I have money,” Erwin said with authority. “Lots of it. My inside jacket pocket, my back pants
pocket, and my boot. It’s all yours. Take us directly to Commander Nile Dok and tell no one else.”

The soldiers glanced at each other, then eagerly began to pull money out of Erwin’s clothes. Erwin
stared straight ahead, his chin held high.

Blood dripped off the tip of Levi’s nose, and his stomach heaved.
 Trust
Chapter Notes

I am utterly blown away by the support this fic has gotten. Thank you! It's looking like
I'll be hitting 1000 kudos soon (hooooly shit), and when that happens, I'm going to do
a big giveaway on my Tumblr. I originally wanted to do thank you art for kudos
milestones, but I haven't been very active with drawing stuff lately, so hopefully this
will be a nice thank you to the people who are taking the time to read, review & refer.
You are all amazing. Thank you.

I'm also so sorry I'm behind on replying to comments!!! I read every single one like 6
or 7 times and squeal. Thank you to those who have taken the time to comment. <3 I'll
try to catch up soon.

The amazing aileine did a wonderful gif of a certain scene from Chapter 18 - Doors,
and it gives me so much delight. Thank you, Aileine! You are a gift, and the eruri
fandom is lucky to have you. T_T The gif can be found here: http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/115059325961/

Previous chapter: In spite of Levi's reluctance, he heads Underground with Erwin to try
to find some leads. But things can get complicated quickly below the surface, and they
soon realize they've bitten off more than they can chew. The pair stumbles too closely
into Rage and Sahlo's network, an ends up engaged in battle with a large group of
thugs.

- 27-

Trust

A roar sounded from the next alley over: “Kill him! Take the blond one alive.”

Erwin’s jaw set. They’ve spotted Levi. He opened up the gas tanks, rocketing toward the source of
the voice.

The alley opened up beneath him. At least a dozen people surrounded Levi, but he was holding his
ground, so swift that he was able to hold them all off at once. A few lay wounded in the fringes.

In the shadows, outside the fray, metal glinted. It took Erwin a moment to recognize a rifle barrel.
The bartender was taking aim at Levi.

Erwin plummeted, crossing the flats of his blades in front of him just before impact. Thiemo turned
to him, eyes wide, and tried to take a shot. The blade flats connected with his chest. A bullet
whizzed past Erwin’s ear as the two of them slammed to the ground.

They rolled, over and over, and when they stopped, Erwin held the upper ground, but he froze. A
metal barrel was pressed to the underside of his chin. At first he thought it was the rifle, but it lay
on the ground, barely out of arm’s reach. He was carrying a pistol.

“ Drop your weapons,” Thiemo said.

Sweat beaded on Erwin’s temples as he tried to think his way free. In the background, he could
hear Levi grunting and yelling the way he did during intense sparring sessions. He cast his blades
to the ground, hoping the clatter would attract Levi’s attention.

“Holster the hilts, then stand,” Thiemo said.

Erwin obeyed, the two of them rising to their feet in unison.

“Good boy.” Thiemo leered. “Or should I call you ‘Commander?’”

Erwin held his gaze, expression flat. “You have me confused with someone else.”

“No, I most certainly don’t, and I know someone who’s going to be very interested in speaking
with you.”

In the background, the sounds of the scuffle had slowed.

Levi’s the last man standing. An assumption, maybe, but he saw no other possible outcome to the
skirmish he had witnessed earlier. That meant he had backup if he tried a risky move.

He stomped on Thiemo’s foot and, while he was distracted, jerked his chin clear of the gun barrel.
He knocked the pistol out of Thiemo’s hand; it skittered along the ground, far out of reach. The
bartender lunged for the fallen rifle instead. Before he could steady his aim, Erwin grabbed the gun
with both hands, attempting to twist it out of his grasp.

For a moment, they were in a deadlock, both wrestling for the weapon. Racing footsteps sounded
behind them, so quick and light that they could only belong to Levi.

My gamble paid off.

Erwin released the rifle and stepped back.

As expected, Thiemo took aim at Levi instead. Now his attention was split, and Erwin took the
opportunity to ram his elbow. The gun clattered to the ground.

A small, muscular mass launched at the bartender, grabbing a fistful of hair.

Erwin expected Levi to threaten him, or maybe stun him.

Instead, metal glinted in the lamplight. Blood sprayed from Thiemo’s neck. Levi hunched over
him, crimson staining his face, his shirt, his grin.

His twisted grin.

Erwin’s stomach plummeted, a drop so steep he thought his knees would buckle beneath him.
There were those rare dimples, the ones Erwin had only ever seen a handful of times, spattered
with the blood of the man he had just killed.

Levi launched at a nearby woman. The blade slashed again. Before her body had even hit the
ground, Levi whirled, seeking a new target.

Their eyes locked.

Am I next? The thought surfaced before Erwin could stop it. Fear rose in his throat, flooded his
mouth, acidic and bitter at the same time.

No attack followed. The dimples faded first, then the curve of the narrow lips, and then it was just
Levi, staring dumbly at him, blood dripping off his hair, his nose, his chin.

“Don’t move!” a woman’s voice yelled.

Erwin’s gaze snapped up. Half a dozen Military Police soldiers swooped toward them. The gunfire
must have drawn them in. His mind raced. There was no physical escape left, but there might be a
political one. He raised his hands in the air and dropped to his knees.

“We surrender,” he said loudly, hoping Levi was in a state to understand language. “But you must
take us directly to Commander Nile Dok.”

“Shut up.” A soldier roughly cuffed Erwin’s hands behind his back.

Erwin’s eyes twitched to Levi, who was still on his feet and staring at him, stunned, dripping
blood. The knife lay on the ground beside him, glinting red in the lantern light.

“Sir,” one soldier said to another, “three dead, ten injured, a few more injured the next block over.”

“We will only speak to Commander Nile Dok,” Erwin said, because if he kept repeating himself,
eventually someone would have to acknowledge him.

The soldiers pushed Levi down to his knees. His head was bowed, his shoulders slumped.

“—to Commander Nile Dok,” Erwin finished for the fifth or sixth time.

“Shut up!” A soldier swung a leg toward him in a clumsy kick. Erwin tensed his abdominal
muscles in time and barely felt the connection. He patiently waited through the insults that
followed, staring his attacker down. The MP’s had a universal weakness, one that was easy to
exploit.

“I have money,” he said clearly. “Lots of it.”

Now he had their attention.

As the police descended on him, Erwin stared past them, not daring to look to the side, because he
couldn’t bear to see Levi’s slumped, bloodied form.

As the soldiers marched them up the stairs to the surface, Erwin mentally rehearsed what he would
say to Nile.

The timing was fortunate. Nile usually operated out of the MP base in Stohess so he could be with
his family, but he was in town for the next day’s expedition approval meeting. The Military Police
and the Garrison had recently become heavily involved in expedition planning. When it came time
to reclaim Wall Maria, every soldier in all three divisions would be fighting side by side.

Nile was bound to be upset about the incident. He and Levi had come to operate on good—if not
overly polite—terms, but the relationship was fragile enough that an event of this magnitude could
shake it. They would have to fall back on Nile’s fundamental trust in Erwin to get out of this. Even
though Levi had technically been in charge of the Underground mission, Erwin would take full
responsibility for everything that had happened. He was the one who had set the events in motion.
He was the one who had brought Levi into such a dangerous setting in the first place. Levi’s hand
had held the knife, but it had been forced.

He had two priorities. The first was to make sure they didn’t receive punishment for what had
transpired. Both he and Levi were too valuable to humanity’s future, particularly Levi.

The second was making sure Sahlo didn’t suspect them. Levi had taken care of at least one attacker
who could have identified them, but there was no telling how many others present had been aware
of their identities.

When it came down to it, Erwin had a feeling Sahlo would know exactly who had been responsible
even without any intel.

At the top of the staircase, the MPs shoved them into the back of a carriage. Levi slumped into the
corner shivering, even though it was an unusually warm night.

“He’s going into shock,” Erwin said quietly. He had seen it enough times to know the symptoms.

“I told you to shut up,” a soldier said.

“He may be injured. You should check him for injuries and treat his shock.” Erwin eyed the
soldier. “If you let him die, you’re going to have to go through an inquest.”

“Who’s going to care? He’s a fucking murderer.”

“That doesn’t matter. He’s still a citizen of the kingdom, and as such, he’s entitled to a fair trial.”
He didn’t drop his gaze, didn’t blink. “You saw the mess down there. This is no minor incident. If
this is processed through the proper channels, there will be recognition in it for you. Maybe even a
medal. It’s in everyone’s best interest if he lives: his, mine, yours.”

No one said anything further, but one of the soldiers draped a blanket around Levi’s shoulders,
while another began to examine him for injuries. Erwin bowed his head and went back to planning
his conversation.

The carriage halted several minutes later. Erwin listened, apprehensive. He had given the soldiers
access to an inordinate amount of cash, so it seemed likely they would uphold their word, but there
was always the possibility these soldiers were more corrupt than most. Thankfully, the carriage
door opened to reveal the Military Police headquarters. The soldiers marched them up to Nile’s
office and handcuffed them each to a chair at his desk. Two soldiers stood behind them,
presumably ready to shoot if they tried to escape.

“Thank you for honouring our agreement,” Erwin said.

“Don’t think we did this for you,” the woman said behind him. “The amount of money on you, and
that much firepower against you—you’re a big fish, aren’t you? Best to get the Commander
involved, make sure you get special attention. Then we’ll get special attention for bringing you in.
But thanks for the cash.”

Erwin didn’t reply. He glanced over at Levi; he was still hunched, the blanket still draped around
his shoulders. He was shaking a little now, but not as violently as before. His hair was hanging in
his blood-drenched face. He was unrecognizable. I wonder if I am, too. His eyes were still gritty
when he blinked, and his clothes were coated in dust.

The door burst open, and Nile strode into the office, a file tucked under his arm. His face was
twisted into an unpleasant grimace, his hair stuck out to the side, and his jacket was crooked, as if
he had pulled on his uniform in a hurry. As he slid behind his desk, his eyes narrowed at the
captured pair.

“I don’t know what the hell you assholes want, but—” He stopped as recognition set in. “Oh, you
have got to be kidding me.”

“Good evening, Nile,” Erwin said.

Nile let out a long, weary sigh, and then sat back in his chair. “Peter, Lena, can you give us some
privacy?”

“But sir—” one of the soldiers said.

“That was an order,” Nile said. “You’re dismissed.”

Erwin heard the thump of saluting fists behind him, then marching boots. He glanced at Levi
again, but he hadn’t moved. Is he aware, or lost deep in his mind?

The door closed. Nile stared at them a moment longer, fingers drumming on the desktop. “Erwin,
what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Your soldiers filled you in on the situation?”

A flush was slowly creeping up Nile’s neck, the tendons strained. “Please tell me you didn’t start a
gang war in the Underground, then bribe your way into my office in the middle of the night.”

“‘Gang war’ is hyperbole.” Erwin sat tall, matching his cold stare with one of his own. “Our
operation was compromised, so we acted in self-defense when we were swarmed by gang
associates. I needed to speak with you directly because of the sensitive nature of—”

“What operation? We didn’t authorize an operation to the Underground.” The flush was creeping
up Nile’s jaw line to his cheeks. “The Underground is our territory, not yours. You had no right to
overstep the authority of the MP and the Council—”

“You are in a unique position to understand what I need to say.”

They eyed each other for a moment, then Nile’s gaze shifted to Levi. “Is he the one who did the
killing?”

Levi hunched tighter into himself.

Erwin tasted that bitter, acidic fear again, but only said, “He was acting under my authority.”

“Four people are dead.”

Levi looked up, the first sign of awareness he had shown since they had returned to the surface.
“Four?” His voice cracked.

Nile pulled a piece of paper out of the file, reading it. “Two victims had their throats slashed—the
soldiers who arrested you witnessed that part. One blunt trauma, died at the scene. One broken
neck. A dozen other injuries of various severity levels, all expected to survive. All were associates
of major crime lord Raphael ‘Rage’ Klein.” He tossed the paper onto the desk. “We’ve been
working for years— years, you assholes—to foster gang equilibrium in the Underground, and in
one night of ‘self defense,’ you have completely undone everything. People are going to be rushing
in to fill the power gaps left behind by these four people. And you requested to talk to me because,
what, you thought I’d sweep this under the rug for you?”

Levi bowed his head, trembling.

Erwin leaned forward until the cuffs strained his wrists. “Nile, we are two to three expeditions
away from taking back Wall Maria. We received inside information that a member of the Council
is going to take drastic measures against the Survey Corps before that can happen. We needed to
root him out, pluck him like a weed, and to do that, we needed to get closer to his illicit activities in
the Underground. Unfortunately, we stumbled a little too close, and after a series of catastrophic
failures, we ended up being surrounded.” He glanced at Levi, steeling himself against that stricken,
blood-stained expression, those shaking shoulders. “If Levi had not acted as he did, we wouldn’t
have made it out alive. That means others would have been required to step up to lead the Wall
reclamation effort.” He eyed Nile. “Most likely, it would have fallen to you and Commander Pixis.
While I don’t doubt either of your capabilities, you don’t have the field experience the job requires.
It’s true that our actions tonight may have caused short-term chaos, and I apologize deeply for the
inconvenience we caused. These actions were necessary to protect humanity’s future.”

Nile let out another long sigh and leaned back in his chair. “So that’s your argument? Illegally
sneaking Underground and murdering people was in humanity’s best interest?”

Erwin held his gaze, unflinching.

Nile shook his head, looking defeated. “I have no idea what to do here.”

“Have soldiers escort Levi to the showers,” Erwin said. “Let him clean himself up while I take you
through everything, step-by-step.” Sitting around in his victim’s blood had to be Levi’s version of
hell, and listening to Erwin recount their evening wouldn’t help, either. “I’ll gladly face down a
hearing and proper legal proceedings at the end of our discussion, if you feel it’s warranted. But
first, I need you to listen.”

“Fine. But if Levi tries to slit the throats of my soldiers—”

“He won’t,” Erwin said, more vehemently than he had intended.

Nile eyed them each for a moment longer, then stood and grabbed a pad of paper and a stick of
graphite on his way to the door.

Is he going to write a warning message to Sahlo? Erwin thought, but that didn’t seem likely. Nile
and Sahlo weren’t playing on the same team. Each month, Oluo gave his carefully censored
updates; Nile pretended they were genuine to appease Sahlo, and Sahlo pretended they were
genuine to appease Nile. Those dual charades had played out for nearly three years now. So far,
each man seemed unaware that the other was telling Erwin not to trust him. No, it was more likely
that Nile was going to get his senior officers involved.

He turned to Levi, who seemed to have withdrawn into himself again. Perhaps being a bit detached
right now was nicer than facing reality. Rest well, Levi. I’ll get us out of this.

When Nile returned, he was followed by four soldiers. They uncuffed Levi from his chair and
dragged him to his feet. He didn’t protest or struggle as he was led away. Erwin craned his neck to
watch him leave, his throat tight.

The door closed.

Nile dropped to a seat across from him, still staring at the door. “You can take a man out of the
Underground, but you can’t take the Underground out of a man.” His dark eyes shifted to Erwin.
“Let me guess: he snapped, and you’re trying to take the blame because you care about him?” He
cocked his head, as if trying to get a better read. “Or because you need him as a weapon? Or both?
I can never tell what your priorities are.”

Erwin studied him. “Nile, this is all tied to Lord Sahlo.”

Nile jerked upright as if he had been slapped. “Then I don’t want to know.”

“We managed to trace him to—”

“Erwin!” Nile’s brows dropped. “Listen to me carefully: I don’t want to know. Sahlo’s a devious
fucker, and whatever you’ve found out will probably get you killed. Leave me out of it.”

“Do you truly believe ignorance will protect you? He’s prepared to assassinate me to get his way.
It’s more likely that he’ll try to control me first, and that means everyone around me is at risk.”

“I told you not to get involved with him,” Nile muttered, shuffling a stack of papers on his desk.

“You’ve been involved with him, too, haven’t you?”

“I’m not worried. Unlike you, I’ve been working hard to stay on his good side.”

This called for desperate measures. Erwin leaned closer. “What happens if Sahlo digs into my past
and finds out I was close to Marie?”

Nile snorted. “You think your friendships as a teenager are going to matter to him?”

“He was at the gala three years ago when I danced with Marie. He’s seen me refuse every other
woman he’s offered me since, and he’s commented before that I seem like a man hung up on a past
love.” That wasn’t quite true, but he needed Nile on his side. “It would be easy for him to get the
wrong idea. Think about it, Nile: is there anything about your family that could make Sahlo think
Marie is important to me?”

Nile’s eyes locked onto him. Erwin knew exactly what he was thinking: Jasper.

“ You,” Nile growled. He strode around the desk and jerked Erwin’s chair to the side so they were
facing each other. His hands clamped onto the arm rests as he lunged in, their noses almost
touching. “You selfish asshole! If that fucker comes after my family, I am going to personally
string a noose around your neck!”

Erwin didn’t flinch. “This is why we had no choice but to fight back. Sahlo holds a major sway
over the Council, and he single handedly has the power to delay the push to Wall Maria. We need
to stop him at all costs. This isn’t just our problem: what do you think will happen to our society if
we start running out of food because of the lack of land? That is why Levi and I went
Underground; it wasn’t just to save everyone we’ve ever cared about. Humanity’s future is at
stake. I didn’t put your family at risk, Nile: I made a gamble to try to save it, and everyone else
within these walls.”

Nile’s eyes narrowed, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet and cold. “You can try to convince
me your actions were for the greater good, but four people are dead, and you may have turned a
powerful lord against me and my family. When you calculate the consequences of your actions,
you never, ever, ever stop to think how it will impact the people you claim to care about.”

Erwin held his gaze. “There was no other choice.”

A knock sounded at the door.

“It’s out of my hands now, anyway,” Nile said, and he marched across the room.

Every muscle in Erwin’s body tensed. Did he invite Sahlo after all?

Instead, Commander-in-Chief Zackly strode through the door. The elderly man was wearing a long
coat over pyjama bottoms.

“Sir,” Nile said, saluting. “Once again, I apologize for interrupting you at such a late hour, but
these are unusual circumstances.”

“So I see.” Zackly adjusted his glasses. “Erwin,” he greeted.

“Sir.” Erwin reflexively moved to salute, but his hands jerked at the cuffs instead.

“I hardly think the cuffs are necessary, Nile.” Zackly pulled up a chair and sat at the end of the
desk, picking up the file. As he read through it, Nile unlocked Erwin’s hands.

Rubbing his wrists, Erwin said, “Sir, if I might explain—”

Zackly held up a hand to stop him, still reading. When he had finished, he looked up, pushing his
glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Where is Levi?”

“Getting cleaned up, under supervision,” Nile said. “He was drenched in blood.”

“I don’t doubt it, after all this.” Zackly turned. “Very well, Erwin, you may speak. What
happened?”

“Sir.” He had been trying to decide how to approach this; every approach was risky. He decided to
jump in with both feet. “You’ll remember the work I did to take down Lobov when he was
diverting funds from the Survey Corps. Tonight, I took a similar risk to try to track down a man
whose greed is poised to halt the Wall reclamation effort.”

Nile rubbed his face and let out a low sigh.

“Continue,” Zackly said, impassive.

“Because the offending person is a Council member, I was unable to seek approval for this mission
through the usual channels. I operated of my own accord, without permission. Levi was acting
under my authority. We attempted to find evidence of gang connections, and ended up stumbling
too close to the heart of the illicit operations. A group of gang members swarmed us. We fought
our way out. It was never our intention to cause unrest in the Underground, nor to take lives.”

“I see.” Zackly stood. “Nile, why don’t you go get some sleep? This might take awhile. I can
process them in my office.”

“Sir.” Nile saluted again, giving Erwin an uneasy glance.

“Erwin, come with me.”

As they fell into step in the hallway, Erwin studied Zackly. Though he had a good read on almost
everyone he met, Zackly was a mystery. He seemed logical, fair, and so expressionless that he
must have learned a long time ago not to show his hand. Or maybe he simply didn’t hold one.

They stepped into the Commander-in-Chief’s office; Zackly strode to a cabinet on the wall.
“Drink?”

“No, thank you.”

Zackly poured himself an amber drink from a dark glass bottle, then sat at his desk, gesturing for
Erwin to do the same.

“Commander Erwin Smith,” he said, drawing out the words. “Keith had his eye on you from the
moment you first set foot in the Survey Corps headquarters. When you were first promoted to
Squad Leader, he said he wasn’t sure if you were going to save the world or stab him in his sleep.
Clearly it turned out to be the former, but you do have a bit of a stab to you, too, don’t you?”

“Sir?” Erwin said, sitting straighter.

“That was brilliant work with Lobov. I don’t think I ever told you, but your airtight evidence was
all that was needed in his trial. Your ability to get results is part of the reason the King entrusts you
with the Survey Corps, and we all expect great things from you.” Zackly took a sip of his drink,
then held out an envelope. “And so I was surprised to receive this document earlier this week, and
even more surprised to see you sitting in Nile’s office coated in dust and cuffed to a chair. I’m
assuming your opponent is Lord Martin Sahlo?”

The envelope was marked with Sahlo’s seal. Erwin opened it. Inside, Sahlo had documented the
monetary amounts retrieved from each silo, alongside the substantially lower amounts the Survey
Corps had reported returning to the government. Every number was accurate: all their subterfuge,
laid out in perfect detail. He’s taking big risks. I could easily reveal that the funds were directed to
his shipping company.

Thankfully, Erwin had anticipated this possibility. Leona had provided him with forged documents
that painted a picture of innocence.

He handed the envelope back to Zackly. “I have official records that show this is all fabrication.”

“I expect you do. I decided not to act on these reports of his, yet, and I’ll delay it as long as I can.
Sahlo chose poorly when he tried to get to you through me. He’s been giving everyone grief lately
—Nile, Pixis, even me, to some extent.” Zackly leaned back in his chair. “Unfortunately, he’s also
been gaining influence with the King, which means we can’t stand up to him. Not through normal
channels, at least. As Commander-in-Chief, it’s my job to respect the King’s wishes above all else.
That’s why tonight’s events put me in an unfortunate position: I must favour those who are
favoured by the King.”

“I understand, sir.”

“Your actions were reckless.” Zackly tucked the paper into an envelope, then slid it into a drawer.
“Dead bodies in the Underground are easy enough to sweep under the rug, but they’re still deaths.”

“We had to move quickly. I received top-secret intelligence that Sahlo is planning to get rid of Levi
and me at any cost. We believe he will start trying to undermine me, then escalate as the situation
warrants, going as far as assassination. I don’t think I need to explain to you how detrimental this
would be to the future of humanity. We have plenty of leaders capable of leading the charge, but
we’d lose too much time as they got caught up with the plans, the checkpoint locations, and even
the strategies we use on the field. Knowing all this, I made a gamble that we would be able to get
close to Sahlo if we poked around the Underground. The problem was, complications arose when
we were too successful and landed ourselves in the heart of it instead of the fringes.”
Zackly stared mildly at him. “And did you obtain any concrete evidence of Sahlo’s wrongdoings?”

Erwin hesitated. “Nothing we can present in court, unfortunately.”

A pause. “What if you had a bit more time?”

“Sir?”

“You say we’re less than six months away from reclaiming Wall Maria, correct? I am willing to
delay my ruling on tonight’s incident if you can prove to me that Sahlo is a genuine obstacle. I’m
assuming you need to wrap all this up before we reclaim the Wall, anyway, correct? So, I’m going
to ask Nile to keep this quiet and focus his efforts on retaining balance Underground instead of
following through with charges. I’ll wrap up Levi’s manslaughter charges with the pardon I gave
him when he first joined the Survey Corps. But Erwin.” Zackly leaned closer. “If it turns out all
this was unnecessary—if your claims that Sahlo is going to try to block the expedition or take
action against you end up being false or exaggerated—we will revisit this in six months. At that
time, I will hold you accountable for everything that happened tonight.”

“That seems more than fair, sir. Thank you.” Six months would be plenty of time to flush Sahlo
out, especially if tonight’s actions spurred the lord into action. In the long run, tonight’s incident
could work in our favour.

“ Good.” Zackly opened another file. “And by the way, I received the application you sent earlier
today for Levi’s promotion. This probably isn’t the best time to discuss it, but we will revisit it
before you leave for Trost. I need a little time to figure out how tonight’s actions will impact it, if
at all.”

Erwin nodded, wishing he hadn’t sent over the application the second they had arrived. This was
the worst time for Zackly to be considering a promotion. “Thank you, sir.”

“Levi should be cleaned up by now.” Zackly stood. “I’ll send both of you home. Nile and I will
figure out a way to cover up this story without causing too much chaos in the Underground. We
may ask you to supply a small team of soldiers for a week or two if the unrest gets out of hand.”

That was fair; they had been the ones to cause the mess, after all. Erwin stood and saluted.

“I hope we won’t have to revisit this in six months,” Zackly said.

“I won’t let you down, sir.” They had leads now. Sahlo wasn’t going to stand a chance.

Levi was waiting for them in the hallway, leaning against the wall, two soldiers standing on either
side. He was dressed in a baggy white undershirt and military issue white pants that were too long
for him. His hair was damp and his skin was clean. A nasty looking gash on his upper arm had
been stitched with dark thread.

“Here,” one of the soldiers said, handing Erwin a small bag. He opened it. Bloody clothing.

“Peter, escort them to a carriage, then come back and speak with me here. You other three, come
into my office,” Zackly said.

“Sir,” Peter said nervously.

“They won’t hurt you.”

Erwin reached out to grip Levi’s shoulder, then stopped when he realized his hand was caked with
dust and sweat. “Let’s go,” he said instead.

Levi didn’t look up at him, but pulled away from the wall and fell into step behind him.

The carriage ride was uncomfortably quiet. Levi’s head was still bowed; he was compulsively
scrubbing the back of one hand with his other thumb, as if trying to rub away grime that was no
longer there. It was a subtle move, one that wouldn’t have attracted anyone else’s attention, but
Erwin knew it held deep importance.

“Levi,” he said quietly.

The scrubbing stopped. “How many people have I killed?”

“What do you mean?”

Levi finally made eye contact with him. His expression was flat. “Before tonight. When you
planned to recruit me, what did my file say? How many?”

Erwin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, holding his gaze. “It’s impossible to know
how much was factual. We burned that part of your file when we recruited you, anyway.”

“Erwin,” Levi said, his voice deepening. “How many?”

He thought about lowering the number, but decided to be honest. “Fifteen, but like I said, there was
no evidence for any of it. You had enough of a reputation among the MP to make for a convenient
scapegoat.”

Levi’s throat bobbed, and he started scrubbing his hand again. “I’m not the man I thought I was. I
never have been.”

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly, “this doesn’t change anything.”

He waited for a response, but silence swelled between them.

When they arrived at the hotel, the front desk staff gave Erwin strange looks. He caught a glimpse
of himself in one of the mirrored panels on the wall and realized why. His face and hair were
coated with dust and grime. No wonder Nile hadn’t recognized them right away.

When they arrived at their room, Erwin stepped into the bathroom to light the water heater,
warming it for his bath. Levi pushed past him and began to pour water into the washbasin,
scrubbing his hands.

Erwin stood and watched him scrub at his pristine hands, using his nails, digging so deeply that he
left angry red marks. “Levi.”

He bowed his head, his teeth clenched and bared. “Leave.”

“Levi, stop.” Erwin rested a hand on his shoulder.

He whirled to face him, his eyes flaring. “Fuck off!”

Erwin jerked away. Slowly, he turned and left the room. He focused on pulling off his clothes
without spilling dust all over the carpet. In the background, he could hear the sound of running
water and scrubbing. He took slow breaths as thoughts warred in his mind:
I have to help him, warred with, I need to give him space.

Maybe this is what he needs to calm himself, versus, dwelling will only make it worse.

He sank to a seat on a chair, burying his face in his hands, trying to find his footing, but it was like
scrabbling up a gravel slope. His reality when he had woken up that morning had completely
vanished beneath him. Sahlo planned to kill him, and Levi had killed four people, and every single
bit of it was Erwin’s fault. How had he been so arrogant to think he could face down a lord with
endless resources? Why did he ever think he, Erwin Smith—one man—could single-handedly
bring down a corrupt system that had been in place for a hundred years, as solid and immovable as
the walls themselves?

At the end of the day, he was just a dumb little kid with a dream, destroying the lives of everyone
around him because of a single glimmer of hope he imagined he saw in the distance. No one was
safe. His mother, his father, his sister. Levi. Nile and Marie. Maybe even that dancer he had spoken
with—would Sahlo and Rage try to wring information out of her? Everything he touched crumbled.

He took a deep breath. We’re almost at Wall Maria. This will all be for a good cause soon.

But then what? Why was he treating that like an end goal? It wasn’t the end. It was only a step
back to the place where they had started.

The sound of the water boiler was drowning out the running water now, and Erwin forced himself
to stand. He hoped the running water had stopped, but Levi was still hunched over the basin, still
scrubbing. His hands were red and raw.

Erwin stepped up to him, deciding it was time to risk another outburst. “Levi, stop. The blood is
gone.”

“It’s not gone,” Levi said, his voice thin and stretched. “It’s never gone.”

Maybe this required a different approach. “You can’t take back what already happened. Your
hands are dirty. Accept it. Embrace it.” Erwin crouched beside the basin, trying to see his face. “If
you hadn’t fought them off, we would have captured and tortured, or worse. Your instincts saved
us. That blood is there because of me, because of your commitment to humanity. I am grateful.”

There was no response, but the scrubbing had stopped. Erwin reached out and turned off the faucet.

“I have a suggestion for you,” he said. “There’s cash in the right pocket of my uniform jacket. Take
a bundle of it downstairs to the bar and purchase a package of their nighttime tea, then bring it back
up here and prepare us each a cup. I promise I won’t make you talk about anything you don’t want
to discuss, but I do need to debrief you on my discussion with Zackly.” Maybe it would have been
better to wait until the next morning, but he knew Levi. The best thing for him was to have his time
occupied with distractions.

Levi shoved a hand through his hair, then turned and left the room.

Erwin filled the bath, then quickly scrubbed the dust from his skin and hair. The bath water
quickly turned muddy, and he drained and refilled it. His eyes were still gritty from the gravel that
had lodged there earlier. He tried to run them under the water tap, but they were still irritated.

Finally, he was clean. He stood in front of the mirror and parted his hair, then examined his face.
His eyes were red and glassy. His cheeks and chin had faint abrasions that looked almost like a
flush, or maybe tiny red freckles. His lips flattened. He’d need to prepare a good excuse for his
appearance in case Sahlo probed him about it.
He strode to the closet and pulled out one of the bathrobes; it was soft against his skin. Levi sat at
the table, preparing two mugs of tea. He glanced up at Erwin, then looked down again, his
expression blank.

Erwin dimmed the lamps. He sat across from him and set a candle between them, lighting it. This
was a routine he often used on trips to Mitras alone. Focusing on a dancing flame and sipping
soothing tea was an important ritual to unwind at the end of a stressful day.

“Thank you for getting this tea, Levi. It contains calming herbs. In the past, it’s helped me sort out
my thoughts when my mind is racing. I thought we could both benefit from it.”

Levi took a sip, then made a face. “It tastes like rotten moss.”

The tone was a bit softer than usual, but at least it was close to his usual snide mannerisms. Erwin
took it as a good sign.

They sipped at the tea in silence, both watching the small flame between them. Erwin felt the stress
begin to ebb from his muscles, his breaths slowing. Across from him, Levi’s shoulders seemed to
be relaxing. He was busy figuring out how to start the conversation, when Levi’s voice surprised
him:

“My hands are dirtier than you think, and the cause isn’t as noble as you think, either.” His tone
was soft and measured.

Erwin studied him. The flame flickered in Levi’s eyes; he seemed to be staring through it. His face
was smooth, all its usual furrows flattened.

“How so?” he said softly.

“I took down Thiemo because he needed to be silenced, yeah, but then I kept going.” Levi’s throat
bobbed. “You remember me telling you about the four looks you see on someone’s face right
when you kill them? Well, his face was accepting. He didn’t give a shit that he was about to die. I
can deal with that. But the woman beside him, she gave me that why look, that look of despair. She
was like Isabel, or Farlan, brought into gang life by circumstance, by loyalty. And the only reason I
have for killing her is because it felt good.”

Erwin lifted his tea to his lips; it was a struggle to swallow around the lump in his throat.

“I don’t even know who the other two deaths were,” Levi continued. “I changed the lives of their
friends and family forever tonight, and I can’t even remember their faces.” He stared down at his
hands. “You say I acted in the best interests of humanity. You think their families would agree?”

“There are casualties in any war.”

“You don’t get it.” Levi’s hands curled, his brow furrowing. “Every death you cause is by
deliberation. You weigh the pros and cons and choose to sacrifice when it’s unavoidable. I just
react. I turn into a wild animal and slash at everyone and everything around me until I feel safe.
And I fucking enjoy it. This isn’t about war. This is about me being a monster.” His voice was still
calm, a stark contrast to his words.

Erwin thought of that bloodied smile. He swirled his tea, staring at the pattern of the leaves in the
bottom of the cup. “I was the one who put you in that position.”

“No. You gave me multiple chances to back out. And then you told me to take the lead on the
mission, so I put myself—”
“I asked you knowing you would feel obligated to accept, and you made every decision based on
the larger framework of my strategy. Do not shoulder the blame alone, Levi.”

“It doesn’t bother you, does it? That I just killed four people?” The tone was almost accusatory.

“I’m concerned for your wellbeing.”

“But you don’t care that they’re dead.”

The question struck him as odd. Why should he care for people he had never met, who had died
attacking them? He certainly felt grief for his own lost soldiers—when it was appropriate, when he
allowed himself to feel it—but their attackers were people who had willingly taken up weapons
against them. Maybe it was his fault the battle had begun, but they had been free to leave the
battlefield at any time. Soldiers facing the titans didn’t have that luxury.

There was a long silence between them.

“Zackly and Nile are going to cover up what happened,” Erwin said. “Zackly wasn’t surprised to
find out who was involved. Sahlo had already been in contact with him, trying to expose the funds
I’ve been ‘embezzling’ from expeditions.”

Levi grimaced. “Shit.”

“I have doctored documents to fend off Sahlo’s accusations, but it shows just how desperate he’s
becoming, for whatever reason. Zackly has given us six months to prove Sahlo is involved in
activities that conflict with humanity’s goals.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll be tried for what happened today.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “He’s going to try you for the crimes I committed?”

“For the crimes you committed on my behalf , and only if we can’t provide conclusive evidence.
I’m confident we’ll be successful.”

Levi shook his head. “You’ve been doing this for three years without any luck.”

“Tonight was the first time I really committed to going after him, and we found some solid leads.”

“There’s an easier, more permanent way to stop him, you know.” His hands, red and cracking,
began to tremble.

Bile rose in Erwin’s throat at the thought of asking Levi to kill for him. “I told you, that’s not an
option. I can take him down through political channels. Trust me.”

Levi’s eyes closed.

“Levi?”

“Fine.” He drained the rest of his tea in one swallow, then stood. “I’m going to bed.”

With effort, Erwin managed to keep his voice steady: “Do you want company, or do you need
some space?”

Levi’s face twisted and he looked away. “Maybe a bit of space.”

Erwin nodded, not allowing his expression to change. “Please let me know if you need anything.”

Their gaze held for a moment longer, then Levi turned and walked down the hallway to the second
bedroom. The door closed behind him.

Erwin’s head bowed, his eyes closed.

He stayed awake for another two hours, poring over the brainstorming notes he had made earlier
and adding annotations. There were so many gaps in logic, so many connections he couldn’t yet
see. The biggest question was also the most troublesome: why was Sahlo positioning himself to
eliminate Erwin now, when they were so close to reclaiming the wall? Levi had theorized Sahlo
was interested in land ownership, but the land within Wall Maria was useless if the wall remained
unclaimed. It was possible he was trying to stall the reclamation effort to buy more time to gain
property, but that seemed far too roundabout.

And what of the high-powered weapons that were used against them Underground? Was that
Sahlo’s doing? Or simply another reason it was good to have Rage as an ally? And how did the
Wall Cult fit into all this?

He rubbed at the bridge of his nose and pulled out the side table drawer, intending to set the book
inside it. The three bottles of lube and the toy rolled to the front of the drawer. He stared, his throat
tight. I wonder what Levi had planned for tonight?

He wanted more than anything to crawl into Levi’s bed and hold him close, but Levi had
specifically said he needed space. His wishes must be respected. Instead, he turned out the lamp
and reached for a spare pillow, wrapping his arms around it, burying his face in the top of it. He
should have had a second cup of tea; he was still awake enough for the day’s stresses to crowd his
mind.

He hugged the pillow tightly and rolled over, restless. His eyes, adjusting to the dark, detected a
faint light coming down the hallway from Levi’s room.

Maybe he should check on him.

He slid out of the bed and began to pad quietly toward the room. He knocked softly.

“Levi?”

A long pause, then: “Come in.”

He eased the door open.

The bed was used, but empty. Levi sat in the corner of the room, knees drawn to his chest, a dim
lamp at his side.

“Levi?”

“Corners are safer,” Levi said quietly. “Don’t have to worry about your back.”

“I could guard your back for you, if you’d rather lie in bed. Or I could just sit with you for a
while.” He paused. “Or if you still need space, I’ll leave.”

“Stay.” Levi looked down. “I know I’m shutting you out.”

“It’s okay.” Erwin sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him. “Are you angry with me?”

“A bit. Part of me’s angry you took us down there after I told you it was a bad idea.” His face
twisted. “And part of me’s angry you stopped me, because I’m a fucking monster who enjoys
hurting people.”

Erwin slowly reached out for one of Levi’s hands, giving him plenty of time to react. When he
didn’t flinch, Erwin closed his hand over it, then slowly lifted it to his face. His thumb ran across
the knuckles, feeling the rough skin.

“Would a monster feel such regret for his actions?” He nuzzled those rough knuckles, ran them
along his cheek, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry, Levi. The lives we lead encourage us to tap into
aspects of ourselves we may not like. We’re both going to do reprehensible things before this war
ends. We’re going to make snap decisions that seem like mistakes in retrospect.” He brought the
knuckles back to his lips, softly kissing them, breathing in. “You are welcome to be angry with me.
Be angry with yourself, too, if you must. Just understand that no matter how things play out, I’ll
trust and support the decisions you make. I will always have your back.”

Levi’s eyelids were low, his lips parted. “Yeah?”

“Of course. I told you, Levi: what happened tonight doesn’t change a thing, not for you and me.”

Levi’s hand opened, cupping his jaw. “I love you.”

Relief flooded through Erwin, warm and glowing. He hadn’t realized just how worried he was that
this would come between them. He reached for Levi’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Levi
slumped against him, nestling under his jaw.

“I love you, too,” Erwin whispered into the dark hair.

“Will you come to bed with me?” Levi asked into his neck.

“Of course.”

They crawled into the bed and turned out the lamp. This bed was a bit smaller than the one in the
main room, but still larger than their beds back at the base in Trost, so it didn’t feel confining.
Erwin spooned up behind Levi, draping an arm around him. Levi hugged it close to his chest and
inched back against him. His body radiated heat.

“God, I’ve missed holding you,” Erwin breathed, the religious curse escaping by mistake. He
wished he could shake off the last of the Wallist influence from his life. Still, that link to the
Wallists might end up saving his life, if his mother’s information about Sahlo proved to be true.

“When we’re lying like this,” Levi said, “all that other stuff seems a long way away.”

Erwin closed his eyes, wanting to agree, but his mind was still racing.

A knock sounded.

Erwin opened his eyes, groggy. Levi was still asleep beside him. Daylight seeped in through the
blinds. We slept in. At least the Council meeting wasn’t until that afternoon; they still had plenty of
time to prepare.
He eased out of bed, pulled on a shirt and checked to make sure the bed in the main room looked
slept in as well, just in case their visitor was someone who couldn’t know about their relationship.
Another knock sounded before he had reached the door.

He opened it.

Berit stood in the hallway, and he smiled.

“Berit,” he greeted, giving her the warmest hug he could manage around her round belly. “I wasn’t
expecting to speak with you until after the meeting.”

“I get tired pretty easily these days,” Berit said. “Thought it might be better to meet with you this
morning instead, just in case I need an evening nap.” She hesitated, her eyes drifting to his hair.
“Late night?”

He ran a hand through it, feeling it sticking in every direction. “Indeed. Could you please give me
one moment?” He closed the door and turned back to Levi, who was sitting up in bed in the other
room, groggy. “Are you okay to do the upcoming graduate review right now?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” Levi slid out of bed, grabbed his uniform and headed to the
bathroom. He seemed to be operating as usual. Erwin hoped that would last.

He invited Berit in and slid a padded arm chair to the table for her. She leaned back into it with an
oof.

“ The kid’s active this morning,” she said, rubbing her stomach.

“I see,” Erwin said.

“Want to feel?”

He had a feeling the sensation of an unborn child’s movement would only remind him of the life he
had given up long ago, so he smiled politely. “Perhaps not this time, but thank you.”

“Suit yourself.”

“You seem happy,” he said, genuine.

“It’s pretty amazing, knowing there’s a future person growing inside there. Sure, it’s not all fun, but
overall, I’m surprised by how much I like being pregnant.” She poured herself a glass of water
from the jug. “You know, if you two ever decide you want a kid and you need someone to carry it,
get in touch.”

Erwin blinked. They had become reasonably close friends in the time since she had left the Survey
Corps—really, ever since she had jumped in front of a titan for him—but this was a lot to offer,
even for a good friend. “That’s extremely generous of you, but I doubt we will ever be in a position
to start a family.” For a delirious moment, he pictured Levi holding a baby he had fathered, with
matching snub noses and scowls.

Berit took a long sip, then gestured at the bathroom door. “You propose yet?” she asked quietly.

He gave a polite smile, masking his twisting heart. “I’ve been busy.”

“You’re always busy.”

“Busier than usual.”

She flattened her lips. “So all that going on and on over the past three years about how August 849
was going to be the month—”

“The false confidence of a younger, more naïve me, I suppose.” He glanced at the closed door,
listening to make sure the bath water was still running, then leaned closer. “We’re planning a
getaway after the next expedition. I’ve hinted at engagement; he seems receptive. I was planning to
buy a ring while I was here, but circumstances changed and Levi ended up joining me, so it will
have to wait. Hange will be joining me for the post-expedition debriefing, so we’ll select
something for him then. I’ve already picked the setting: a hill overlooking Ehrmich, at sunset.”

“That sounds lovely.” Berit pointed a finger at him. “Remember to invite me.”

“We will,” he said, smiling. “The guest list will be small, and we’ll have to use pseudonyms, but it
should be fun nonetheless.” He tried to picture Levi standing across from him as they were joined
in marriage. Would he blush? Smile?

Blood-stained dimples flashed through his mind, and his stomach dropped.

“May I ask you for advice, Berit?”

Her head tilted, as if she could sense it was important. “Of course.”

Now he had her permission, but he wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to ask. “Did Silas ever do
something that showed you a side of him you didn’t know existed? Something that made you
question how well you really knew him?”

“Is this about Levi?”

Erwin glanced back at the bathroom door and, confirming the faucet was still running, leaned
forward. “I thought I understood him, but there are parts of his past so dark that I can’t even begin
to fathom what he’s been through. Sometimes, very rarely, those show through, mainly in his
reactions to stress. He refuses to talk about it. I don’t know how to help him.”

She studied him. “Ever think maybe it’s not your place to help him?”

That threw him off. “What?”

“Look, not all problems can be talked through. Whatever ghosts are in his past—and given that it’s
Levi, I bet it’s a shitload—he’s handling them himself in the ways that work for him. If he needs
help, he’ll let you know. If you try to fix him, or help him, or whatever you tell yourself it is, you
risk completely dismantling his own coping mechanisms.”

“When I think of the suffering he must have endured—”

“You think he wants to see you as a victim? Look, I don’t know how you two operate, what passes
between you in private. Just don’t get so caught up in solving his puzzle that you forget he’s a
person with feelings.”

He smiled. “I should hire you to be my personal therapist.”

“There isn’t enough time or money in the world for that job.” She smiled too, and leaned back in
her chair. “He almost done in there? This baby is stepping on my bladder.”

“He’s taking a bit longer than usual.” Erwin wondered if he had gotten caught in another hand-
washing cycle. He was torn between giving him space and barging in.
He didn’t have to debate for long. A minute later, the sound of running water ceased. Levi emerged
shortly after that. His hands were red again, but he was fully dressed, hair combed, chin shaved. He
strode into the room and nodded. “Berit.”

“Levi.” Her eyes held on his hands for a moment, but then she looked up and smiled. “Excuse me
for one moment.” She stood and half-jogged, half-waddled toward the bathroom.

Erwin pulled out a chair for Levi. “How are you?”

Levi shrugged and sank into the chair. He usually had a tendency to slouch or set himself in
uncomfortable-looking poses when he sat, but this time he sat upright, both feet flat on the floor.
“It doesn’t seem real.”

“Maybe that’s for the best.” Erwin hesitated, then rested a hand on Levi’s knee. “Is there anything
I can do to help you?”

Levi’s hand lay atop his. Their fingers intertwined. “Keep me busy. Take my mind off it.”

“Of course.”

The bathroom door opened, and Berit returned. “Ugh, you two are so lovey-dovey,” she muttered,
nodding at their joined hands, but she was smiling. “This won’t take long.” She eased back into her
chair and pulled a stack of files out of her satchel: upcoming graduates for the Southern Trainee
Corps. “You talk to any of the other branches yet?”

“You’re the first,” Erwin said.

“Well, we’re also going to be the best. We’ve got eleven candidates for you instead of the normal
ten. The southern 104th is an exceptionally strong group. Good thing, because the north, west and
east branches have been a disappointment. Shadis has been spending a lot of time travelling
between those three, trying to figure out how to turn them into soldiers.”

“So, is your group actually strong?” Levi said. “Or do they just seem that way compared to the
others?”

“I’ll answer that question with our top candidate.” Berit set a file on the table. “Mikasa Ackerman.”

Levi’s grip suddenly tightened. Erwin turned to him. The grey eyes were wide, his face pale.

“Levi?” Berit asked. “Do you know her?”

“That name … ” Levi trailed off and clutched at his forehead with his free hand.

“A family from the Underground?” Erwin asked, surprised by the strength of his reaction.

“She’s from Shiganshina,” Berit said.

“Maybe that’s where I know it.” Levi lowered his hand and grimaced. “Doesn’t matter. Keep
going.”

“Okay.” Berit looked a little uncertain. She tapped the file. “Mikasa has perfect speed, strength and
stamina. She took to the gear like a natural. Strongest trainee the military has seen in years. With a
bit more training, she could be at Mike’s level. “

“I see,” Erwin said, impressed.

“Only thing is, she’s bound at the hip to another trainee, her adoptive brother, but the good news is
he’s hell bent on joining the Survey Corps. Seems likely you’ll get both of them.”

“Interesting,” Erwin said, watching Levi, but his earlier confusion seemed to have faded. “This
other trainee, her adoptive brother—is he any good?”

“He’s a solid candidate, very likely to end up in the top ten. Like I said, the two of them came out
of Shiganshina, so they’re familiar with strife.” She opened another file. “Eren Yeager.”

This time, Erwin was the one who recognized the name. “Any relation to Doctor Grisha Yeager?”

“Yeah, his son. You know Grisha?”

“I did. He was a close friend of Shadis.”

Berit cocked a brow. “Really? Keith hasn’t said anything about it.”

“Dr. Yeager apparently died in the attack on Shiganshina. It’s possible Shadis isn’t comfortable
speaking about him anymore.” Erwin traced a fading scar on his inner forearm. “He stitched up a
few of my battle wounds over the years, and he was integral in treating that illness that swept
through Shiganshina awhile back. Good man with a good heart.”

“His son’s got a good heart, too. Stubborn as hell—that’s the main reason he’s doing so well, just
pure perseverance, no real innate skill. Seems to have a lot of sway over his classmates as well, lots
of charisma. He’d be a solid addition to the Corps. He and Mikasa will likely come with a third.”
She presented the next folder. “Armin Arlert, their friend from Shiganshina. Kid can barely lift a
feather without exhausting himself, so he probably won’t make the top ten, but he’s exceptionally
bright. He found six flaws in our strategic training manual, and also proposed improvements to the
flow of traffic in the mess hall that helped it run more smoothly. Keep an eye on him, Erwin,
because you might be able to do what Shadis did with you: mentor him and pull him up through the
ranks as a strategic advisor.”

“I see,” Erwin said, making notes. “An interesting group indeed.”

“We’re just getting started.”

As they continued to go through the more notable trainees, Erwin made notes, glancing
occasionally at Levi. The contact between their hands was damp. Eventually, Levi pulled away and
wiped his palms on his pants. His face seemed calm.

They were just wrapping up when Berit let out a surprised cry, then chuckled and cupped her
stomach. “Dammit, child: relax!”

Levi’s lip curled. “You can feel it moving?”

“Of course. You want to feel?” She leaned back. “Put your hand right here.”

Levi looked both intrigued and repulsed. He reached out a tentative hand, then pressed it against
her stomach. A few seconds later, he said quietly, “Holy shit.”

Tears sprang to Erwin’s eyes without warning. Where the hell did that come from? The grit had
probably scratched his corneas, made his eyes inclined to water.

“Excuse me.” He strode to the bathroom, pulling out a handkerchief as if he were about to blow his
nose. Instead, he closed the door and stared at his own reflection, blinking until his eyes cleared.
Even though the door was closed, he heard Berit say to Levi, “You probably think pregnancy is
nasty, don’t you?”

Levi’s voice was so soft that Erwin stepped closer to the door to hear it. “It’s creepy as hell.
Breasts getting bigger and gushing milk, little parasites growing and pushing your belly out until
they get big enough drop out of your vagina and become a shitting, vomiting, screaming brat. But
… ” He paused. “People like Erwin and me, death follows us wherever we go. It’s our specialty.
And here you are, making a whole new person out of a bit of cum.”

Was that wonder in his voice? Erwin dabbed at his eyes.

“Poetic,” Berit said wryly. When she spoke next, her voice was so soft that Erwin almost couldn’t
hear her: “You ever want kids?”

“Nah, not the way things are now.” There was that surprisingly gentle tone, the one that made Levi
sound like a different person. “Maybe if things were different.”

“Yeah?”

“Erwin doesn’t mention it often, but I can tell he wants a family more than anything. I’d adjust.
He’d be a good father.” A pause. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. Things are what they are. This shitty
world expects things from us. No time for brats.”

Erwin cleared his throat and strode back into the room. He gave them a polite smile. “My apologies
for my absence. Unless you have anything else to add, Berit, I think we’ll have to close off this
meeting now. There are still a few things Levi and I need to prepare before our meeting with the
Council.”

“Of course.” She stood and gave each of them a hug. She held Erwin for a beat too long and
whispered in his ear, “Tell me how it goes.” It took him a minute to realize she meant his planned
marriage proposal. He had already shifted back to his business mindset. This shitty world expects
things from us, indeed.

As soon as the door closed behind her, an awkward silence descended over the room. Erwin turned
to face Levi; the Captain’s eyes were downcast, his arms folded over his chest.

“You said you wanted me to take your mind off things,” Erwin said.

“Yeah,” Levi said, gaze sliding up to him. “Please.”

“Would a massage help?”

“I was thinking … ” The weight shifted between his feet. “I had some shit planned for last night,
and … ” He shrugged. “If you aren’t too afraid of me.”

“Levi, I’m not afraid of you.”

“It’s just, this shit requires a lot of trust, and—”

Erwin gripped his shoulders and stooped to his level. “Then it will be an opportunity to
demonstrate how much I trust you.” Taking a blind shot, he added, “Maybe it will be an
opportunity for you to learn to trust yourself again, too.”

Levi’s brows pinched. “I don’t like it when you try to read my mind.”
“And I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I’m sorry.” He hesitated. “Was I wrong?”

“No.” Levi’s brows lowered. “This is awkward. Kiss me.”

Erwin understood—he felt that same shyness, that same hesitation to be the one to initiate, that
always took hold when they had an argument or other intense situation. But this time, given all
Levi had been through, given that it was Erwin’s fault, he pushed through his hesitation with so
much zeal that he lunged, his mouth closing over Levi’s.

Their tongues touched, then slid together, both of them forcing sparks in hopes they would catch. It
didn’t take long for the forced effort to melt beneath the heat of their mouths. Erwin’s eyelids
fluttered, one hand raking into Levi’s hair, the other sliding down his back to grab his ass.

Levi surprised him by jumping up and wrapping his legs around him, and Erwin caught him with
both hands, grunting a little against his weight. Levi’s kiss was deep and so wet that liquid dribbled
between their chins. It wasn’t like him to be so messy, and the thought of him getting so carried
away made Erwin’s eyes roll toward the back of his head. He staggered toward the bed, falling
onto it, Levi beneath him, the impact making Levi’s teeth dig into his tongue.

They pulled apart, breathing hard. Levi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, but didn’t seem
fazed by the drool. His eyelids were heavy, his hair in his face, his entire face flushed. The grey
eyes shifted between his.

“Look at you,” Levi breathed.

“Look at me?” Erwin replied, sweeping dark hair off the broad forehead. “Look at you , your
expression so raw and hungry.” He ran a finger along a narrow brow. “You’re so beautiful.”

The flush darkened. “Stop being sappy. Kiss me a bit more, then we’ll do my thing.”

“Okay.” Erwin replaced his finger with his lips, kissing a narrow brow, then the other. He took a
moment to kiss Levi’s cheek, intentionally centering it over the spot where a dimple would rarely
form, reclaiming it. For a moment, he thought he tasted iron, but then he realized it was just his
imagination.

He pulled the shirt collar out of the way and kissed down to Levi’s jaw, then his neck. His scent
was stronger in a hollow above his collarbone, and Erwin nestled there, gently sucking the skin.

“Oh shit,” Levi whispered, twisting beneath him, legs tightening around his waist. Erwin was
tempted to grind against him, but he held back, savouring the restraint. He unbuttoned the top
button of Levi’s shirt and dragged his tongue along the collarbone beneath it. The little cry he
received in response was too much for him, and his hips began to rock.

“Shit.” Levi grabbed his hair. “Slow down. I have plans.”

Erwin pulled away. “Then tell me what to do next.”

“Is your ass clean?”

Erwin’s brows rose. “I thought I was going to be inside you.”

“You are, but I have plans first.”

“It should be. I can go freshen up, if you’d prefer.”

“Yeah, be quick. Come back naked.”

When Erwin returned to the bed, he found Levi, shirt sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms, top
collar buttons undone, fastening gear harness straps to the headboard. Erwin must have looked
apprehensive, because Levi stopped.

“I was planning on strapping you to the bed, blindfolding you, getting you all worked up and then
turning you loose on me,” he said, that earlier awkwardness creeping back into his voice. “But if
that’s too intense after last night … I know you like to be able to look me in the eye when things
get stressful.”

Erwin strode across the room and grabbed Levi’s wrist, deceptively slender, pressing a trail of
kisses down the inside of his forearm. “You hate rolling up your shirts like this.” Something about
the tightness of the rolled-up part being ‘imbalanced’ compared to the loose sleeve above it—
Erwin hadn’t really understood, but it had seemed important.

“Yeah, well.” Levi shrugged. “I know you like the way it looks. Does this mean you’re okay with
this?”

“Of course.” Erwin rotated Levi’s arm and kissed from elbow to the back of his hand, admiring the
cords of his muscles. A perfect weapon of a man, he thought, but this time, the familiar thought
made him pause, made an unpleasant shiver run down his spine. Maybe there were some lingering
issues to work through after all.

“Okay, knock it off.” Levi jerked his arm free. “I have to finish setting this up.”

“I don’t believe I authorized the harnesses to be used this way, Captain,” Erwin quipped, stretching
out on the bed.

“Every fucking time,” Levi muttered. He glanced down at him. “I had to use your harness.” The
words were heavier than they should be.

“Yeah?”

“Mine is still in that bag they gave us.” His mouth twisted.

Probably bloodstained. Erwin gave him a pleasant smile. “It was getting close to time to replace
them, anyway. We’ll order you a new set when we get back to the base.”

Levi nodded, then finished setting up the straps. He opened the drawer and pulled out the toy and a
bottle of lubrication.

Erwin’s brows rose. “We’re using the toy?”

“Yeah.”

“You know it sets me off too quickly.”

“So maybe it’s time we work on your stamina.”

Erwin’s lips flattened. “My stamina is fine.” He reached for the toy, idly examining it. It had been
a recent purchase, one made during a drunken wander back to base after he had indulged in too
much blackberry wine with a client in the seedier side of Trost. Toys had never been part of his
routine with past lovers—he had even been shy about blindfolds and straps until Levi had
introduced them—but his drunken self had bought it as a present for Levi. He had been too
ambitious about the size of it, and Levi had flat-out refused to use it. They had made a few more
purchases since, but secretly, this one had always been Erwin’s favourite; when coupled with
Levi’s mouth, he was overwhelmed with bliss in seconds. He was usually too shy to ask for it, and
sometimes even too shy to accept when it was offered, but Levi had always been able to read him
well.

“Here.” Levi tossed those infernal black underwear at him. “Put these on.”

Erwin grimaced. “Really?”

“That’s purely for me. Just for a few minutes.”

Well, he could sacrifice a little bit, since Levi was going to so much effort to make this special. He
pulled them on, and the majority of the fabric immediately slid between his cheeks. The front was
too tight, even though he was mostly flaccid.

Levi looked up, and his face slackened. “Fuck.” He paced toward Erwin and circled him. “Fuck.”
He stood behind him and began to grope.

Erwin had never been a fan of skimpy underwear. He was more interested in formal wear or nudity:
extremely elegant, or natural. Levi, however, had always been a fan of strappy wear. “I still don’t
understand the appeal.”

“You’ve never seen yourself from the back.” Levi dropped to his knees and buried his face in
Erwin’s ass, groping at his hamstrings. “Holy shit,” he murmured, muffled.

His zeal was arousing and that was making the underwear even less comfortable, but somehow
more tolerable at the same time. Besides, it was nice to see him distracted. He deserved a bit of an
escape.

The worship went on a bit longer than Erwin would have liked; he waited patiently. At last, Levi
pulled away, giving a few last massages.

“Okay. You can take them off.”

Erwin glanced back, noting the peak in the front of Levi’s pants. Maybe he should drag this out a
bit longer. “Take them off for me.”

Levi reached for the underwear, but Erwin stopped him.

“With your teeth.”

“Ah,” Levi said, high pitched. He knelt and tried to grip the band with his teeth, then cursed. “It’s
too tight.”

“Then just erase the lines when I pull them off.” Erwin peeled them off, letting them fall between
his feet, and stepped out of them. Levi slowly dragged his tongue along the red stripe the
waistband left behind, making eye contact the entire time. Erwin shuddered, feeling body heat and
warm breath, teasing.

Then, Levi stood. He said, breathless: “Lie down on your back.”

Erwin lay back on the bed. Levi had pulled the top blanket off, and the sheets were soft. He
dutifully put his arms above his head, and Levi strapped them to the headboard. He retrieved his
cravat from the dresser, where it had stayed, neatly folded, next to Erwin’s bolo tie from the night
before. “Lift your head a bit.” He tied the cravat around Erwin’s eyes as a blindfold, then carefully
centred the pillow beneath his head. “That good?”

“Yeah.” With his vision blocked, he was becoming acutely aware of the draught in the room,
raising goosebumps on his skin. He could hear Levi’s breaths, already harsh. “You like how this
looks?”

“Yeah. So fucking hot.”

A tongue circled Erwin’s nipple, and he cried out, caught off guard. “Shit.”

Then the bed shifted, and Levi’s breath was hot in his ear. “You can’t move, you can’t see, you
can’t predict where I’m going to touch you. How does that make you feel, control freak?”

Now Erwin couldn’t hear anything but his own panting breaths. He was surprised by how little it
was taking to put him on edge. Was it some residual fear of Levi that was making this so
exhilarating?

“Too over the top?” Levi asked.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just thinking too much.”

“Stop thinking.” Levi ran his hands down Erwin’s flanks. The warmth made him shiver. “Focus on
what I’m doing.”

“Kiss me first.”

A soft, small mouth pressed against his lips, and a lump suddenly formed in his throat. He chased
the kiss as it pulled away; Levi indulged him with a few more soft pecks.

Then those kisses trailed down to a nipple again, hands roving across his chest and abdomen, so
many competing sensations that Erwin couldn’t keep track. He tilted his head back and felt a hand
on his throat—a brief flash of blood, a brief spike of fear, but then there was just warmth. A tongue
dragged down the side of his abdomen, across a hip to a thigh, two hands on his chest. He was
constantly off guard, constantly unable to predict Levi’s next move. Even his awareness of time
dissipated. It might have been five minutes later, might have been fifteen, when he felt Levi pull
away entirely. The bed shifted, and then he was alone.

Erwin let out a whimper, giving a slow thrust at empty air, straining against the arm restraints.

“Just a sec,” Levi said, his voice low. He heard clothes hitting the ground.

Then Levi lay on top of him, skin to skin, so warm that they both gasped. Erwin tugged at the
restraints, reflexively wanting to clutch that warm body against him. But Levi was already sliding
down his body, and then his mouth was warm and sucking hard, and Erwin thrust into it.

Levi jerked away. “Careful.”

“Sorry.” Erwin thrust at empty air. “It feels good.”

“It’s fine. Just don’t choke me.” A firm hand pressed against his pelvis, pinning him into the bed,
and there was that mouth again. Erwin yanked on the restraints and struggled to thrust again, but
the hand was too strong.

“You’re already this far along?” Levi said, lapping at the tip a few times.
“It feels good,” Erwin said again, unable to form a new thought.

“This is why I wanted to do it last night, a couple hours after we got you off.” There was a long
silence, too long, and Erwin felt concern drown out his pleasure.

“Levi,” he said quietly. “Stop thinking.”

“Couple of sad fuckers,” Levi said. “Letting other shit drag us down when we’re lying here like
this.”

“Kiss me again,” Erwin said.

This time, it was Levi who lingered, the kisses surprisingly chaste considering the positions they
were in. Their foreheads rested together.

“Okay?” Erwin said.

“Yeah.” Levi kissed the tip of his nose. “Okay.” He slid down to the end of the bed again. This
time, his kisses trailed the inside of Erwin’s thigh, then back up. Erwin felt a dragging tongue, and
he tried to thrust into the warm mouth at the end of it, but Levi pulled away, kissing his hips
instead.

The teasing continued, impossible to predict, and Erwin felt his lips move, but he had no idea what
he was saying. Levi paced it out just enough to barely keep him hard, paying attention to the rest of
his body as well, the intimacy of it overwhelming. It was as if Levi was everywhere, touching
every part of him.

“You’re dripping,” Levi said, awe in his voice. His tongue swirled around the head, and Erwin let
out a loud, long cry. “I haven’t even put anything inside you yet.”

“Feels good,” Erwin gasped, thoughts even less coherent than before.

“Then maybe it’s time for this.” Levi grabbed his thighs and lifted, repositioning him, and Erwin
found himself with his knees by his ears, his ass high in the air. He grunted, surprised.

“Your back okay?”

It was awkward, but not a strain. “Yeah.”

“Your back is so flexible.” A tongue ran across his ass. “I bet you could suck your own dick.”

Erwin felt his ears glow. “I don’t know about that.”

“You ever try it?”

“I’d rather you do it,” he said evasively.

“There’s other stuff I want to use my mouth on first.” Levi spread him and slid his tongue along
Erwin’s tailbone. The position and blindfold were disorienting. I’m completely at his mercy. He
groaned Levi’s name.

Levi hummed his approval and dragged his tongue further. “Want me to suck your balls?”

He got stuck between moaning and agreeing and ended up making a noise that sounded vaguely
like, uh-huh. He wanted that tongue everywhere, that warm breath, that purring voice.
Then Levi was sucking and running his tongue in circles, and Erwin’s hands clawed into the straps
that bound him to the bedposts. His hands began to go numb and cold, but he couldn’t stop himself
from pulling against the restraints. His back began to arch; Levi pressed a hand against his lower
back to keep his ass high in the air.

After several minutes, Levi pulled away, running one hand where his mouth had been. “Do you
have any idea how fucking amazing you look right now?”

Erwin tried to reply, but only managed a choked moan.

“Doing okay?”

Another moan, but he managed to make this one rise at the end to show his willingness.

“You’ll tell me if you’re not?”

He nodded.

Then those hands were running down his front, his back. A damp tongue slid deep between his
legs, pressing deeper, the blood rushing to his head, to his dick. His limbs tingled. He could hear
Levi groaning, curses smothered by wet skin, and somehow it made him feel an even stronger
connection, knowing this one act was bringing them both so much pleasure.

“Oh, fuck,” Levi said, using both hands to pull him apart, to bury his face in deep. Erwin bucked
up against him. Liquid was trailing from his stomach to his chest, and he couldn’t tell if it was him,
or Levi’s saliva, or both. Liquid trickled down his tailbone, too, definitely from Levi’s mouth. He
loved it when Levi got too carried away to care about being tidy.

“Fuck,” Levi said again, pulling away, clapping his ass.

Then Erwin’s back was slowly being rolled against the bed as Levi lowered him to lie flat. After
being contorted for so long, he felt as if he were being lowered through the bed instead. Floating.

A kiss to his mouth surprised him. He felt a palm press to his jaw. “Still doing okay?”

Erwin’s lips were clumsy. “Yeah,” he managed.

One last kiss, then Levi’s weight lifted off him entirely.

Erwin took a deep, shaky breath, letting his body relax. His hands and forearms ached from
gripping the restraints so tightly. His feet were tingling. He could hear the sound of a cap being
unscrewed.

“It seems unfair,” he said, his voice cracking.

“What does?” Levi asked.

“All this focus on me.”

Warm breath by his ear surprised him. “I need to show you how important you are. I need to
worship you like a fucking god.” A tongue ran around the border of his ear, and Erwin shivered.

“But what about you?”

“I’m fine. Here.” A hand cupped the top of his head and gently turned it, and then damp flesh was
rubbing against his lips. “Feel how hard you make me?”
Erwin groaned and stretched out his tongue, trying to taste him. Levi finally complied, leaning into
his mouth, and oh fuck, he felt so good, so hard and warm. Erwin strained his neck to lean closer to
take him in deeper.

“Wait,” Levi gasped, pulling away. “You can do what you want to me when I free you, but I’m not
done with you yet.”

“I’m getting impatient.” Erwin’s hips shifted.

“That’s the whole point.”

He felt the mattress shift, then the drizzle of oils. Levi eased a finger into him, kissing the inside of
his thighs.

Erwin realized he had been holding his breath; it came out in a whispered Fuck.

The bed shifted, and, unexpectedly, a tongue grazed his nipple. He arched into it, crying out. He
had no way to prepare for any of this, no way to anticipate it, and he couldn’t decide if the loss of
control was still enjoyable, or becoming terrifying.

“Wait.”

Levi pulled away. “Getting too intense?”

“A bit.” His pulse was racing, his palms sweaty. At the same time, he was so aroused that it almost
hurt. “I can’t decide.”

“Here.” Levi untied the cravat around his face. The light was bright. Erwin squinted, waiting for
his eyes to adjust.

Their gaze held. Levi’s lips were parted, his face so flushed that his neck was blotchy. His eyelids
were low and seductive. He hunched over Erwin’s torso, visibly aroused, chest heaving.

“Oh shit,” Erwin breathed, closing his eyes again.

“You okay to keep going?” Levi asked, hesitant.

“Yeah. Keep going.” He sank back to the mattress, adjusting his head against the pillow so he
could watch what was happening to his body.

Levi settled between his legs again, using two fingers this time, holding careful eye contact as he
did. “I think I can fit the plug in. Unless you want to hold off a bit.” His eyes seemed to be glazing
over; they were firmly focused on his fingers.

A shiver rippled down Erwin’s spine in anticipation of the unmoving, unyielding stretch he would
feel. “Up to you.”

Levi pulled out, but kept staring, pushing his legs apart. He slowly bit into his bottom lip, tilting
Erwin’s hips up.

“Levi?”

“I really want to fuck you.” The grey eyes darted up to him, timid. “I didn’t plan on it, but I really,
really want to fuck you.”

Yes, that would fulfill that craving for a stretching sensation. “Then fuck me.”
“Just a few thrusts. Just a few.” Levi poured oil into his palm and stroked himself with it, then
guided himself in.

Erwin felt the urge to throw his head back, but fought it, eyes trained on Levi instead. Levi reached
the hilt and his eyes closed, a cry sounding in his throat. He hunched over Erwin’s abdomen,
holding still.

So beautiful. “ Levi,” Erwin said, soothing, at the same time gently squeezing to try to drive him
over the edge.

“Just a few thrusts,” Levi gasped, slowly rocking in and out. He let out a strangled yell.

He’s rock hard. Erwin counterthrust, feeling himself being carried away by the constant rhythm.

“Oh, fuck.” Levi threw his head back, his mouth open, lips flared. “I want to take you faster.”

“Go faster,” Erwin said. “Fuck me hard.”

Another strangled cry, and then Levi was slamming into him, so deep that Erwin’s toes curled. He
wanted to grab his ass, feel it flexing with each thrust, but the restraints were unyielding.

“Oh, fuck. I have to stop. I have to … ” Levi slowed, his head bowed, hands tightening into
Erwin’s hips. “Fuck.” He pulled out, giving a yell between clenched teeth.

Then the only sound was the two of them panting hard. Erwin strained against his restraints,
wishing he could cup Levi’s chin. “I need to touch you.”

“Okay. Okay, just give me a second.” Levi smoothed his thighs, then reached for the toy and the
lubricant. “I want you to feel like I’m still inside you.”

Erwin closed his eyes, his head tilting back. The toy was a little cold, but he was so eager that he
bore down anyway.

Levi’s breath caught. “Holy shit, you took that quickly.”

Erwin tried to reply, but only gasped.

“How does it feel?”

“Good; it feels good.” The toy was the perfect shape to stimulate his prostate. He shifted his hips,
and warmth shot through him. He wasn’t going to last long, not at this rate.

Levi unbound his wrists.

The second he was free, Erwin lunged, pulling him down for a kiss, rubbing a hand through his
hair, the other down his chest. Then he rolled, pressing Levi into the bed. He crouched above him
on all fours, moving slowly so he didn’t get too much stimulation from the toy, but it made him
shiver anyway.

“Roll onto your stomach.”

Levi pulled him down for one last kiss, then complied. Erwin grabbed his ass with both hands,
pulling apart, burying his face in. The skin was warm here, and heavy with Levi’s scent. When he
licked it, Levi cried out above him, the two of them as closely intertwined as if he were an
instrument and Erwin was plucking strings to make him sing.
“Oh god,” he rumbled into the flesh. How long had they been at this now—half an hour? An hour?
His groin was so hard that it ached, and the toy was subtly massaging him. “Oh fuck, Levi, I need
you.” He licked up to his tailbone, then back down again, lightheaded, drunk.

Levi didn’t reply—he seemed to be drunk himself, his groans muffled. Was he biting the sheets?

After a few more licks, Erwin pulled away, reaching for the oil. “Lie on your back.”

Levi rolled onto his back, his eyes glazed. Erwin bent down to taste his panting breath as he
slathered oil on them both, then eased into him.

Levi yelled, arms and legs curling around him, burrowing beneath his chin. Fingernails dug into
Erwin’s back, and the toy was hard in his ass, and Levi was tight and tense around him in every
way possible.

Levi threw his head back, nails raking down his shoulder blades. His neck was so long, so graceful.
Erwin bit the pale skin, sucking hard, too carried away to remember that they were never supposed
to leave marks.

“Fuck.” Levi raked a hand into his scalp, curled fingers through his hair, pulling. His head tilted
back, his hips rising to meet him, thrust for thrust. “You feel so good inside me.”

The words rose to Erwin’s brain like smoke, fogged his senses. Dizzy, he moved faster, teeth
pinching the skin beneath Levi’s earlobe.

“Fuck!” Levi squirmed, his fingertips painful. “You’re so hard. Is it because of the butt plug? Does
it feel like I’m inside you?”

“Yeah.” The toy perfectly captured his memory, sending it thrusting through Erwin with each
movement, fitting so well that it stayed perfectly in place.

“Is it like there’s two of me, one to fuck you, one to be fucked?”

The image was so powerful that Erwin rested his forehead against Levi’s, momentarily paralyzed.
He whispered every curse he could think of, all three walls, every filthy word he’d ever heard,
even ones he’d never said before. His wrists still tingled with the afterglow from the bonds, and his
back stung from scratches, and there was that echo of Levi inside him, and the real man beneath
him, around him—

“Keep going,” Levi said, more of a whimper than a demand.

Remembering himself, he started moving again, and they gasped in unison. Their lips met, hands
roughly moving across each other’s bodies, mirroring each other’s expressions, each other’s cries.

Levi tore his mouth away, hands on Erwin’s jaw to get his attention. “I want to touch myself, but
I’m already close.”

That glow building deep inside him wouldn’t hold out forever, even if he took it slowly, which he
was getting too worked up to do. “Come for me, Levi.”

Levi wedged a hand between them to touch himself, and Erwin rose onto his hands, watching. So
beautiful, he was so beautiful, with the dark hair on his chest and stomach, those flexing chest
muscles. His abdomen was clenching and jerking, his lips flared, his eyes only opened a crack.
Erwin felt a swell of love so warm that sweat beaded on his forehead, his upper lip, the back of his
neck. Tears welled in his eyes.
“Erwin,” Levi gasped, saying his name every few breaths, his arm moving so fast that his body
was vibrating. That sight and the warmth and the toy were too much, but Erwin forced himself to
hold off, wanting to watch this beautiful man go under.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck—” Levi yelled, his head tossing back, his body arching. Then he shuddered in
waves, his face at once pained and relaxed.

Erwin grunted and slammed the last few thrusts before he, too, gave in. He fell onto Levi, clutched
him, curled around him, as everything around him disappeared in the rush.

It ended too abruptly, leaving him disoriented. He tried to release a breath, but it came out as a soft
sob.

“Erwin?”

Not again. He couldn’t pull away, frozen in place by his sudden plunging mood. Here, in the
afterglow, everything was honest. This was the last moment before everything changed, before he
faced down Sahlo as an enemy instead of an ally. He would do it. He always did it. But he was so
tired, and it seemed disproportionately unfair that this man beneath him, this beautiful man he
loved, was stuck traumatizing himself killing people instead of living a normal life. And I keep him
by my side by promising these fleeting bits of pleasure, these increasingly small escapes.

This is all my doing. All of it. Everything that has happened to Levi since we met. Everything Sahlo
will do in retribution. Everything that happens to my family, my friends. To humanity.

I swallow everything whole.

“ Hey. Erwin.” Levi nudged him with his shoulder.

He pulled away, not bothering to hide his dismay, because Levi would see right through him,
anyway. At least here, when it was just the two of them, he could drop his mask.

“I love you,” he said, his voice cracking. “I’m sorry.”

Levi ran a finger beneath one of his eyes, then the other. “I knew it’d be too intense.”

“No, it was perfect.” Erwin lunged down to kiss him. The toy was uncomfortable now, but he
would bear it for another minute. “You’re perfect,” he said between kisses. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Stop apologizing.” Levi looked concerned, but only said, “Let’s take a few minutes to rest before
we get ready for the meeting.”

They quietly cleaned up, then Erwin eased onto his back on the bed. Levi lay on his side,
snuggling against him, arm draped across his chest, legs intertwining.

“Is it what I did?” Levi asked.

“Hm?”

“Last night. What you’re upset about.”

In a sense, but not in the way he thought. “I’m concerned about your wellbeing, but it’s more than
that.”

“So you’re upset about facing Sahlo?” A pause. “Or your family? What a shitty trip this has been.”
Erwin inched closer to him. “We’ve had an alliance with Sahlo for so long, and our actions last
night have irreparably impacted that. Things are going to change, and until our meeting this
afternoon, I have no idea what to expect. I don’t know if I’m adequately prepared to handle it.”

“This has all fucked with your head a bit, hasn’t it?” Levi kissed his nipple, then rested his cheek
against it. “Stop worrying. You’ll figure out what to do.”

“I suppose.”

“Look, that whole thing we just did, you wanted to show me you trusted me, right? Well, I was
also demonstrating how much I trust you.” Levi looked up at him. “I trust you, Erwin. And
whatever shitty things we have to do to protect you—to protect the Survey Corps—I’ll do them
without question. Don’t worry about me. You’ve got bigger things to worry about. Just remember
you won’t be alone. You’ve got me, and Hange and Mike and the rest, and even Zackly’s on your
side. You’ll figure it out. You always do.”

Erwin smiled, trying to force his mask back into place, but it was heavy. So heavy.
 Loyalties
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you for reading, commenting, reccing, all that amazing stuff. I am so
happy people are enjoying this fic! I am still intending to get back to all comments
ASAP. I just keep getting distracted in the middle of it. :)

I was amazed to see that 35grams did an illustration from chapter 27! I just...holy shit.
If you're reading this, thank you so much. It was perfect. http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/116977681956/

Also, danny777 is kindly doing a Chinese summary/fic rec/translation of this fic! It's
up here on AO3 under the title【兵团/团兵】《他选择了巨人》推荐及翻译 if
anyone is interested in checking that out! Thank you so much! :)

Finally, I am so shocked to have hit 1000 kudos for this fic! HOLY SHIT! I'm just
gathering the last few items for an eruri-themed Tumblr giveaway in
celebration/thanks. It'll be open to absolutely anyone who wants to apply. More details
coming on my Tumblr when the last pieces of merch arrive!

Oh, and also, I've started a collection of side stories for HCT. They'll mostly be little
drabbles loosely tying HCT back to canon (especially in cases where canon diverges a
bit from the headcanons here.) Only one up so far; others planned.
http://archiveofourown.org/series/254479

ANYWAY. Enough of my rambling. Here's the new chapter. This next one's a bit
politics-heavy compared to the previous ones, but hopefully it's still enjoyable...?

***

Previous chapter: Erwin & Levi surrender to the MP and ask to speak with Nile. Erwin
arranges a 6-month deal with Zackly to prove that Sahlo is acting against humanity's
best interests. Berit pops in for a work-related visit. Levi & Erwin reconnect after their
traumatic experience.

-28-

Loyalties

Before he tied on his cravat, Levi lifted to his nose and breathed in, mouth open. The fabric tasted
of Erwin’s cologne. His eyes fluttered closed. Now, all day, he would be reminded of the intimacy
they had just shared, of it blindfolding Erwin while Levi pleasured him.

“Everything okay?” Erwin asked, adjusting his bolo tie in the mirror beside him.

“Fine.” Levi’s eyelids parted. He tied the cravat around his neck, then frowned. He leaned closer.
“You left marks. I can’t cover this one.”

Erwin finished adjusting his pendant, then turned to him. “Where?”

Levi pointed to a darkening oval beneath his ear. “It’s not even subtle.”

Erwin crouched down, lower, lower, then stopped at Levi’s shoulder. “It’s fine. It’s tucked away,
so it’s not really noticeable unless you’re at this level and really looking for it.”

“Are you making a height joke?”

“No, I’m being serious. Our meeting is with a lot of tall people, so the angle—” Levi’s face must
have been darkening, because Erwin stopped himself. “Let’s get there a bit early and get you
seated ahead of everyone, just to be sure. I’ll sit on this side to screen you a bit.”

Levi let out a low sigh.

“My apologies.” Erwin softly kissed the mark, as if to heal it. “I was in a bit of a frenzy.”

A shiver rippled down Levi’s spine at a rush of memories, but he only said, “Be more careful next
time.”

They stopped downstairs at the hotel restaurant, ordering familiar favourites, and didn’t speak
much as they ate. Erwin was lost in thought, and Levi knew better than to distract him on the cusp
of such an important meeting.

Besides, he was too fatigued to think of a topic he wanted to discuss. Every potential topic was
exhausting: what had happened in the Underground, the upcoming meeting, the upcoming
expedition, the wall reclamation effort. Even thinking about the post-expedition trip to Ehrmich
was exhausting, because of how much hard work lay between now and then.

Even Erwin looked exhausted, his eyes sunken. His cheeks, nose and forehead were lightly
abraded from the debris the night before. Worn.

This job is wearing him out. The thought surfaced out of nowhere, and Levi felt a ripple of panic in
his stomach. He looked down, forcing his hand to lift the tea to his lips without shaking. He was
disappointed by his own nerves. The night before was really screwing with his head; it wasn’t like
him to be jittery.

When Erwin finally looked at him, his face was flat, his eyes blank. “Ready?”

The emotionless expression gave Levi confidence; at least one of them was in control of himself. “I
guess.”

“Follow my lead.” Erwin gripped his shoulder, then stood.

They walked side-by-side to the Council chambers. As they began to climb the steps, Levi’s jaw
clenched. A figure in a grey suit and matching hat paced back and forth at the top of the stairs.

Sahlo.

Erwin slowed to a stop.

“Want me to scare him, or back off?” Levi asked quietly.

“That’s a good question.” Erwin’s face was grim. “I still believe we’ll get further if we try to
cooperate. I’ll signal if we need to push him harder.”

As if he had suddenly become aware of their presence, the lord stopped pacing. He turned to face
them, his hands clasping behind his back.

Erwin tucked his folder tightly under his arm and began to walk toward the lord with such
resolution that Levi had to hurry to catch up.

“Commander Smith,” Sahlo greeted, a grotesque smile plastered broadly across his face. “I was
hoping to have a moment to speak with you.” His eyes darted toward Levi. “In private.”

“My Captain knows all my business,” Erwin said, a sentiment he had expressed dozens of times
since the alliance had first begun. Levi felt a swell of pride. The bastard’s still afraid of me.

The lord looked uneasily at him, then his brows dropped and he grabbed Erwin by the arm. “This
way.” He pulled him around the corner of the building, glancing around them as they went. Levi
followed, scanning the environment for an ambush, ready to pull the knife from his boot if needed.

When they stopped, Sahlo’s face was hard. His eyes bored through Erwin. “You two have been
very, very busy.”

Erwin held his gaze. “Indeed we have. The wall reclamation is a tangible goal, one that inspires us
to push forward at all costs. Food supplies are dwindling, and humanity relies on us, even at the
expense of ourselves.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sahlo growled, “and you know it.”

“I’m not sure what you’re saying.” Erwin did not flinch. “Regardless, my statement still stands.”

Sahlo’s eyes narrowed. He reached into his jacket, and Levi tensed, prepared to intercept a weapon,
but the lord only pulled out a small book marked with his seal. He handed it to Erwin.

“You may be familiar with a company called HDB Shipping.”

Their conduit company, the one Sahlo used to collect all the gold they had recovered from silo
expeditions. “What about it?” Levi asked, forgetting to let Erwin lead.

The lord grinned at him. “I regret to announce the company’s demise. The headquarters burnt to
the ground early this morning. No one was hurt, but the company’s records have been destroyed.
Such a dreadful tragedy. Yet somehow, this particular record seems to have survived.”

Erwin eyed him, then opened the book. Levi stepped closer, his mind racing. If he’s wiped the
conduit company clean, what does that mean for our evidence? Does that cut off any of the leads
we made last night?

He reached for the corner of the book, gently tilting it so he could read it alongside Erwin. His lip
curled. Inserted into the first page was a contract between the Survey Corps and HDB Shipping
saying the company would store Corps funds, absolutely no questions asked, in exchange for a
small monthly fee. The signature at the bottom was unmistakably Erwin’s.

“This is a good quality forgery,” Erwin said, voice as flat as his expression.

“Isn’t it? I bet even Levi’s questioning whether or not you signed this yourself.” Sahlo clapped a
hand to Erwin’s arm. “Keep reading.”
Erwin turned the page. Levi stared at the columns of numbers and dates, not sure what he was
looking at.

“A ledger?” he said aloud.

“Well done, Levi. It’s a ledger detailing all the illegally acquired money the Survey Corps stored
with HDB Shipping over the past three and a half years.” Sahlo rocked back on his heels, his hands
clasped behind his back. “Zackly already has a document detailing every bit of the King’s money
you stole from each silo. You’ll find the numbers in this little ledger exactly correspond to the
amounts in Zackly’s document. Once he has both of them, he’ll have all the evidence he needs to
prove you’ve been stealing from His Majesty.”

“This is bullshit,” Levi growled. “You’re setting it up like we acted alone. You were the one
stealing all the silo gold in the first place. We’re the ones who started returning half to the King,
and filling your pockets at the same time.”

“That’s not what the evidence says,” Sahlo said, his face the picture of mock innocence. “This one
little ledger, my dear fellows, has the power to completely destroy your reputations and your
careers. Keep it, as a constant reminder. I have another copy in a safe location in case I need it.
And don’t bother trying to oppose it with forgeries of your own. If it’s your word against mine,
yours won’t hold.”

Erwin finally looked up, his face calm. “There’s no need to apply this much pressure. Our alliance
has evolved far beyond our shaky beginnings, and we have begun to see eye to eye. If you’re
unhappy with our terms, I’m happy to renegotiate your payouts.”

“Do I seem like a man who needs money?”

“Apparently not, if you’re burning your shitty companies to the ground to cover evidence,” Levi
said.

“Are you implying that HDB Shipping was my company?” The lord’s eyes twinkled. “The official
municipal records have the company registered to one Lord Hasek. Have you met the man? I doubt
it. He’s quite reclusive.”

Hasek. The fake lord they had used to grant them access to the Underground. Levi’s eyes darted to
Erwin. Erwin’s face was still calm, but his hand at his side tightened, almost imperceptibly.

“I get the impression we share a few contacts,” Sahlo said. He leaned closer to Erwin, his face
suddenly menacing. “You have no idea how deep my connections go, Smith. I advise you to stop
playing your little games and fall into line. You may be unusually clever for your age, but I was
navigating political mazes before you were even a glint in your daddy’s eye. You cannot win
against me.”

Erwin’s face was still calm. “I am not trying to beat you in some imaginary chess game. I’m trying
to secure a future for the human race.”

“Then your best option is to fall into line.” Sahlo’s face lightened into a smile again. “And
speaking of which, I have a new proposal for the upcoming expedition. I’ll be presenting it in a
few minutes, and I trust you’ll give it your full attention.” He clapped his shoulder again. “I look
forward to your cooperation. “

He sauntered away.

Erwin’s jaw clenched as he stared after him.

“Well?” Levi said quietly. “What now?”

“He’s calmer than I expected.” Erwin slipped the ledger into his inside jacket pocket. “It makes
sense that he would have had contingency plans ready to go. It’s unfortunate, however, that he’s
also familiar with the dummy lord Hasek. I was under the impression none of the government
officials were aware of it. I should let my contacts know it’s been compromised.”

Levi hesitated, glancing around to make sure they were alone. “That’s a damned good forgery, and
Leona is the best around.

“I have a good read on Leona. I don’t think she was lying to me when she was giving me updates
about Sahlo, or when we were questioning her about Etienne.” His jaw set. “Unless … ”

“What?”

“Unless he uses a different name.” He closed his eyes. “If he knew Hasek was a dummy lord run
by a network, he would also know it was easy to appropriate the name for his own use, one
difficult to trace because it was in use by so many people. What if Underground, he operates as
Lord Hasek? Thiemo was familiar with the name, familiar enough to quiz you on it.”

“Leona would’ve told you if she’d forged documents with your signature.” Levi paused. “Wouldn’t
she?”

“Tell me, Levi, what’s more valuable to an Underground business: friendships or money?
Particularly in times when resources are fast disappearing? It’s very possible Leona works with
him. She vaguely tried to warn me away from pursuing Sahlo, said he might be more tied in with
the local economy than I can see.” Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose, grinning. “He is devious . I
underestimated his resourcefulness.”

The grin was so unnerving that Levi looked away. “So what now?”

“We listen to his new proposal and hope it doesn’t contravene our goals. We need to humour him.
He’s overconfident; if we lull him into a false sense of security, he’s bound to slip up.” There was
an uncharacteristic lack of confidence in Erwin’s voice.

“Fine,” Levi said, unconvinced.

When they entered the conference room, Sahlo was already seated. He nodded at them in greeting,
as if he hadn’t just tried to squash them under his thumb. “Commander. Levi.”

Erwin greeted him as they sat down, but Levi turned away, dropping to a seat. The Wallist Minister
Nick sat across from him, staring at them.

“What?” Levi said.

“I’ve heard rumours your expeditions have been closing in on the Wall,” the Minister said.

Levi folded his arms over his chest and stared him down, not responding. The last thing he was in
the mood for was a religious debate.

“My dear Commander,” Sahlo said, leaning closer, “what happened to your face? It’s all scuffed
up.”

“Training accident.” Erwin separated his papers into a few stacks.

“Is that so? I didn’t see an incident report.”

“A minor one, caused by my own clumsiness, with no outcome but a few minor abrasions. Rather
embarrassing, truth be told.” Erwin lifted his head, his gaze cold. “Besides, I didn’t see the need to
add more paperwork to our already overburdened bureaucratic system. I think you’d agree the
Survey Corps has more important things to worry about than one man’s pride.”

Their gazes held.

Before the lord could reply, Commander Pixis entered the room, followed by his assistant, Anka.
The name had thrown off Levi when they had first met—he had immediately thought of their once-
Commander Anke.

The old days of the Survey Corps seemed a lifetime ago. It was strange to think of Erwin as an
underling, and even stranger to think about how he had reacted with drunken, emotional violence
the time Hange and Levi hadn’t returned from their mission. Levi glanced at his Commander,
wondering how he’d react now if something similar happened. It would still tear Erwin up inside,
no question, but no one around him would see him so much as flinch. Something about that made
Levi feel lonely.

It was strange to think about how distant he and Hange had been back then, too, sitting back-to-
back in that tree branch, struggling for conversation. And Mike had been the one who could talk
for hours. Now it was the other way around. He was grateful for Hange—though he would never
admit it aloud—but he missed Mike.

All of them had changed so much in a short space of time. Now he was standing beside Erwin,
making decisions on a large scale, weighing groups of lives against others, leading entire scouting
missions. A few years in the Survey Corps was a lifetime.

Anka was watching him, and he realized he had been staring at her, lost in thought. He turned
away, grimacing.

His eyes landed on Nile, stepping through the door. Nile’s eyes narrowed at Erwin, and he didn’t
even look at Levi. Levi slumped deeper into his chair and pretended not to be offended by the snub.
Short-sighted asshole doesn’t have a clue what we’re fighting against.

The final two Council lords entered, followed by the crown accountant, the adjudicator, and a
couple other people Levi didn’t recognize. Zackly sat last. His eyes fixed on Levi, curious behind
thick lenses, and Levi looked away.

Once everyone was seated, the meeting began. After some brief discussion about municipal taxes,
Erwin had the floor.

“The Survey Corps has finalized the proposal for our next two expeditions.” Erwin unrolled a map
in the centre of the table. “These expeditions will install the last of the supply caches we have been
laying en route to Wall Maria. With your permission, we’d like to conduct the first expedition in
two weeks’ time, and the next a month later, before the ground freezes. This will allow us to plan
the wall reclamation effort over the winter, integrate new recruits in the spring, and launch the
reclamation in late March of next year.”

A murmur rose among the others, but Erwin didn’t react. He placed markers on the map. “I see a
few new faces in this room, so for your benefit, I’ll summarize what we’ve already accomplished.
These markers represent caches we’ve stationed along the planned reclamation route from Trost to
Shiganshina. These caches include gas tanks, water, preserved food, blades, and medical supplies
to support a mobile force made up of the Survey Corps, Garrison and Military Police. Commanders
Pixis and Dok will, of course, be providing us with insight and resources as we finalize our plans to
combine the strength of our three regiments. This fight is for all of humanity’s benefit, and all of
humanity’s soldiers will have a part to play.

We have four remaining caches to lay to finish the route. We also, while we’re in the region, need
to run scouting teams to Shiganshina in order to determine the full extent of the damage and get a
feel for the lay of the land. Right now, a big hindrance in our planning has been that no one knows
exactly what state Shiganshina is in after the attacks. Even those of us who stayed until all civilians
had been cleared didn’t have time to take note of our surroundings.

“In addition to pushing closer to Shiganshina and laying caches, we’ve been running smaller
scouting missions to survey the area along the route, exterminating titans and studying their
movement patterns. Our goal has been to wipe out any titans we encounter along the route to allow
as little strife as possible during the final push.

“And so, with your permission and support, the next two expeditions will see us install the final
four caches and end the pre-reclamation phase of this effort, allowing us to formally move into
reclamation planning.” He set green markers in place in the remaining four cache locations.

Levi focused on those green markers, surprised by how close the final one was to Shiganshina. He
had seen the maps in Erwin’s office so often that he had stopped paying attention to them. He
hadn’t realized just how much progress they had made.

Erwin passed out papers. “I’ve drafted our proposed budget, casualty estimates, and supply
requests. For the most part, this is a standard expedition, but we’re running low on yeast and food
supplies for these last four caches. I’m hopeful the Merchant’s Guild will be flexible enough to
provide these supplies up front, in exchange for full repayment—plus interest—once we’re fully
established back in Shiganshina.”

The room was silent as everyone stared at the paper, even though, knowing Erwin’s love of
preparation, this wasn’t the first time they were seeing these numbers. In the silence, Levi could
hear his heartbeat in his ears.

Finally, Sahlo slapped his paper to the table and slid it a few centimetres away. “There are political
implications that need to be discussed before we proceed any further with the reclamation effort.”

“What the hell?” Levi said. No one else moved, their eyes still firmly fixed on their papers, save
for Erwin, whose spine straightened.

“Political implications?” Erwin asked calmly.

“Our good Minister Nick has questions about how we’re going to repopulate Wall Maria without
altering the walls.” Sahlo motioned to the man. “And I’m sure in this time of food shortages, the
Merchant’s Guild is unwilling to release precious resources on a promise.”

Erwin’s gaze drifted across the men in question, then back to Sahlo. “What are you proposing?”

“A few things.” Sahlo stood and reached into Erwin’s pile of cache markers, encroaching so
heavily on his personal space that Levi’s teeth clenched. The lord dropped a red marker on the
western side of the map, about a day’s ride from Klorva District. “We all remember and applaud
the work your group did a couple years back, recovering the King’s gold from silos in the south.
There are two silos west of Klorva that functioned as tax storage for the entire western side of Wall
Maria. Your group should use this upcoming expedition to recover this substantial amount of gold.
As a token of his gratitude, and for the good of humanity, I’m certain the King would be willing to
donate a portion of this to your cause. This influx of gold would allow you to buy the food supplies
you require at a fair price instead of leeching off the common man.”

Levi opened his mouth to let him know exactly what he thought of the idea, but Erwin was too
quick with his rebuttal:

“The ground often freezes in late October or early November, which makes travel difficult. If we
use this expedition to chase gold, we won’t have time to finalize the cache supply route before
winter sets in. Furthermore, we won’t have the scouting data from Shiganshina that would allow us
to plan over the course of the winter. Our entire reclamation effort will be offset by several
months.”

“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” one of the other lords said. “We only get one shot at
reclaiming the wall. The more time we spend planning for it, the better prepared we’ll be.”

“Normally I would agree,” Erwin said, “but our food supplies are dwindling—”

“Yeah, and you want us to give those precious supplies away for free.” One of the members of the
Merchant’s Guild stood up, his face red. “You want us to take money out of our pockets, food out
of the mouths of the public. I don’t think so, pal.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Watch your tone, asshole.”

The man’s eyes twitched to him. “What did you call me, you little shit?”

“An asshole. You don’t give a damn about the public unless they’re handing you cash.”

“Order,” the adjudicator called. “Lord Sahlo, you still have the floor.”

“Thank you.” Sahlo pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Erwin. “Since the turnaround time
is short, I did some of the proposal planning on your behalf. Here are the financial estimates from
the silo, as well as my estimated casualties based on your casualty reports from the past silos. Do
these numbers look correct to you?”

Erwin frowned. “A leading question. The numbers are reasonable, but the proposal itself—”

“A moment, please. I believe I still have the floor.” Sahlo stood and passed out papers to everyone
at the table except Levi. He handed Erwin the final copy. “Here are my suggested revisions to the
schedule: claim these silo funds now, work with the King to determine a donation amount. I’ll use
my influence to encourage him to be generous. In the spring, you will lay out those last caches,
Commander, incorporating the new recruits when they arrive. With your scouting data, we can
plan the reclamation over the course of the summer, then launch the full scale effort in September.
That gives us a full year to finalize the strategy, and to work with Minister Nick to make sure our
Wallist friends are happy with the plan. I have more to say, but I’ll give you a moment to digest.”

The table was silent, waiting. Levi craned his neck to see the paper Erwin held in his hands. To his
credit, the paper was perfectly still; Levi was so angry that his own hands were shaking. How’s he
staying so cool? he wondered, not for the first time, but then he saw that Erwin’s knuckles were
white.

Commander Pixis spoke from his place at the table: “The Survey Corps base in Klorva has been
unused for decades, and it’s too small to house the regiment at its current size. Furthermore,
relocating the entire regiment for a single mission is a logistical nightmare.”
“Could the Klorva Garrison base temporarily house the Survey Corps?” Zackly asked.

“We aren’t suitably supplied. The only missions that make sense for the Survey Corps, as it
currently stands, are ones that leave from their base in Trost.”

At least someone here has some common sense, Levi thought.

Sahlo leaned forward to measure distances on the map, bumping Erwin’s shoulder as he did so.
“Perhaps I was too hasty in thinking you’d have to leave from Klorva. The silos are far enough
south that leaving from Trost wouldn’t put the troops in titan territory for much longer than leaving
from Klorva.”

“That’s not my only concern about your proposal, Lord Sahlo.” Pixis’ gaze shifted to Erwin and
Levi. “You’re asking the Survey Corps to split their attention, at a time when humanity is on the
brink of reclaiming one of our biggest losses. I’d rather Commander Erwin and Captain Levi stay
focused on the overall mission so they can fully immerse themselves in planning the greatest battle
we’ll know in our lifetimes. That’s far more important than going after a bit of gold.”

“Not just a bit,” Sahlo said, holding up a finger. “A necessary amount. I’d like to present the
second part of my proposal: an investment that will save lives.”

What the hell is he talking about? Levi slumped deeper into his chair.

Sahlo stood, his hands clasping behind his back. “The Military Police are far more accustomed to
using rifles than swords, but rifle bullets are ineffective against titans. My contacts and research
team—with His Majesty’s blessing, of course—have built guns with bullets capable of piercing a
titan’s skin.”

Across the table, Nile nodded. “I like the sound of that.”

Levi’s eyes slowly widened. High-powered weaponry. He thought of the damage to his gas
canister the night before. Is Sahlo also supplying Rage’s men? He glanced at Erwin, trying to
guess if he had made the same connection, but as always, Erwin was inscrutable.

“The bullets,” Sahlo continued, “are made of a similar alloy to the blades we already use, so they’ll
be easy to work into production lines, but they’re expensive to produce, and they’ll take time to
prepare. I’ll be fronting the majority of the cost myself, and His Majesty has graciously agreed to
invest fifty per cent of the reclaimed silo funds, which will make up the difference.

“So, there you have it. This mission to the silos will get the Survey Corps the money it needs to
pay for food supplies, it’ll make sure Nile’s soldiers are properly equipped to deal with unfamiliar
combat, and it will push the wall reclamation effort back a few months, which allows more time for
planning. I believe there is no downside.”

“As the regiment that has spent the most time in direct contact with the titans, we are better
equipped than anyone to know how to combat them,” Erwin said, finally setting the paper down.
“Squad Leader Hange has been working on new anti-titan weapons. We’ll be back in Mitras after
this expedition to speak with investors about mass production. I assure you, the MP and the
Garrison will all be well-equipped with the best of our technology.”

“So you don’t want the MP to have state-of-the-art guns?” Sahlo asked. “You’d push for this
suicide mission a few months earlier, at the expense of MP lives?”

The room fell silent.

“Suicide mission is not the right phrase,” Erwin said, lowering his chin. Levi couldn’t see his face
now—it was square with Sahlo—but he could picture its expression. From a top angle, Erwin’s
features looked even sharper than they did from the front: all brows, angled eyes and hawk-like
nose.

Sahlo shrank away a little, but his voice was still confident when he spoke: “I don’t think ‘suicide
mission’ is much of a stretch. Let’s be honest here, Erwin: you can plan all you want, but the
casualties are going to be horrific. We saw what happened last time the Survey Corps undertook a
mission to reclaim the wall. We all know you were the one in charge of the strategy that time, too
—Shadis couldn’t stomach it. He never embraced senseless death the way you did.”

Levi’s stomach dropped. He wanted to stand up for his Commander, to curse Sahlo to his face, but
all he could see was his team lying before him, civilians and soldiers blending together in a sea of
blood and white bones and twisted faces. That had been his second major expedition—not counting
routine scouting missions—and it had been his first as a Team Leader. Death after death, lives
slipping through his fingers as the civilians around him panicked. He hated Erwin so much when
they returned. I hated that I had chosen to trust him. I expected his usual cold, empty stare, but I
yelled at him anyway. And then he held me, and he was so warm and gentle—

“ That was not a reclamation effort,” Erwin said, his tone deep. “That was a civilian sacrifice to
keep our numbers down within the walls. A cull. You are well aware of that, Lord Sahlo: you
spearheaded the approval of that mission. Those of us in the field heard every single civilian’s
death scream; you only saw the improved mouth-to-food ratio on paper once it was over.”

Muttering broke out among the table as Sahlo’s brows lowered. The adjudicator called for order
again, then returned the floor back to Erwin.

“This time will be different,” Erwin said, his voice so confident, so authoritative that Levi’s heart
began to pound. “This time, we have a fully trained force, we understand more about the titans
than ever before, and we’ve prepared a proper line of supply caches. This is no suicide mission,
Lord Sahlo. We have been preparing for four long years, and now we are on the cusp of
humanity’s greatest victory. We will not fail.”

“Noble sentiment, Commander, but why the rush? Why not take a couple more months to make
sure we’re properly prepared?”

A murmur of agreement sounded around the table, and Levi’s blood boiled.

Erwin was so unmoving that he might as well have been carved from ice. “We must reclaim the
wall before the spring to allow time for a full harvest cycle before winter. Our food supplies are
dangerously low, and Wall Maria’s fields will be critical to the survival of humanity. If we follow
your adjusted timeline, we’ll be reclaiming the Wall too late to plant crops for the fall harvest
season. Think of it: a bounty of wheat, corn, rice, all delayed until the spring. The winter of 850 is
going to be a winter of famine, misery and death if we rely on our current food production.”

“Leave that to us,” one of the merchants said. “We can ration the food supplies.”

“By jacking up prices, right?” Levi muttered. “Feed the rich, let the poor starve? That’s not fucking
rationing.”

“You little shitstain—” began the merchant.

“Wait, I’m not done.” Levi rocked his chair back. “Every single person in this room has always had
enough food to eat, so you don’t give a shit about people who don’t. I get it. But what do you
think’s going to happen if you keep getting fatter while more and more people starve? You think
they’re going to pay their entire week’s wages for your rotten scraps? One day, they’re going to
come to their senses and butcher you smug assholes instead.”

The merchant and a couple of the lords began to yell.

The adjudicator called for order again, looking thoroughly annoyed. “Captain Levi, if you are
unable to control your tongue, you will be ejected from this meeting.”

“I’m done here, anyway.” Levi stood and strode for the door. He let it slam behind him and
stepped into the courtyard.

Fucking Sahlo. Fucking merchant pigs. He picked up a rock and whipped it at a nearby tree,
feeling a course of energy as it cracked against the bark. The energy surge reminded him of the
night before, and his stomach heaved. Thiemo’s taunting face. That woman’s stunned expression.
And who were the other two? He began to shiver, feeling a breeze even though there was none.

Nile came out of the building about ten minutes later, a scowl carved deep in his face. He stood in
front of Levi, hands on his hips.

“I know Erwin was covering for you last night.”

“Fuck off, shitbeard.” Levi turned away. “There are bigger things to worry about.”

“Believe me, the last thing I want to do is be seen talking to you right now, but Erwin asked me to
tell you he’ll be a few more minutes. He’s talking to Zackly.” Nile glanced around, then stepped
closer, crouching a little to Levi’s level. “Maybe you can get through to him.”

“Zackly?”

“Erwin.” Nile glanced around again, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft. “Tell him to
back off Sahlo.”

Levi eyed him. “Why?”

“Because he’s not just an upstart Squad Leader with nothing to lose; he’s a Commander who holds
humanity’s fate in his hands. None of us can afford for Sahlo to break him.” Nile’s face was
worried, almost sad. “Just look after him, okay?”

“He can handle Sahlo,” Levi muttered, turning his back.

Erwin’s jaw tightened as he watched the last of the attendees leave the meeting room. That had
been one of his least successful meetings since he had first joined the Survey Corps. His words
might as well have been raindrops for all the good they had done him; Sahlo had brought river
rapids.

Zackly was the last to stand. “Well. Shall we?”

“Sir.”

They stepped into a side meeting room. Zackly settled to a seat at the table and held out a hand for
Erwin to do the same, but Erwin was too worked up. Instead, he closed the door and turned to face
him, fists tight.
“Sir, surely you can see Sahlo was using stall tactics.”

Zackly adjusted his glasses. “Ostensibly, his proposal was fine. I agree with you that time is short,
and I wish the room had come to agree on your timeline. I also don’t doubt he’s trying to position
himself against you. However, he’s being careful to make himself look reasonable. Without
evidence of intentional opposition, any claims or protests you bring up now will just make it look
as if you’re throwing a tantrum because the Council didn’t like your idea.”

Erwin’s jaw clenched, but he knew Zackly was correct. He nodded, dour. The meeting had been
out of his control from the moment Sahlo had opened his mouth. In the end, he had agreed to the
lord’s proposal, but his mind was already racing, thinking of ways out of it.

“Please.” Zackly gestured to a chair again.

Erwin sat. “Sir.”

“How are you?” The words were heavy with importance.

“As well as can be expected, given all that transpired over the past twenty-four hours.”

“And Levi?”

“Shaken, but recovering. He’ll bounce back.”

“I’m sure he will.” Zackly pulled out a file. “I promised you I’d set aside some time today to speak
with you about his promotion. After some serious thought, I’ve decided not to hold Levi’s actions
last night against him. It was a case of self defense, and as you said, you were his commanding
officer at the time. Our six month deadline for you to provide definitive proof about Sahlo still
stands, so it might impact you, in the long run, but it won’t impact his promotion.”

“Thank you, sir,” Erwin said, grateful.

“I know we talked about a five year service requirement for the rank of Captain, but Levi is a
special case, and it turns out there’s another mandatory requirement.”

Erwin had wondered if this would come up. “He didn’t attend the Trainee Corps.”

“Precisely. The Captain rank requires five years of service after successful completion of training.”
Zackly folded his hands on the table. “There is an option to waive the Trainee Corps requirement
for the Captain rank at the ten year service level, but that’s still another five years out. And it
hardly seems wise to send Levi through three years of training, particularly when we’re so close to
reclaiming the wall.”

“I see,” Erwin said, disappointed. “I was hoping to promote him to a level that indicated his
importance to the Survey Corps.”

“There is another option.” Zackly handed him a piece of paper: a list of unfamiliar military
rankings, written in an old-fashioned hand. “In the early days after we settled these walls, before
the Survey Corps even existed, the Garrison used an independent ranking system. It was later
phased out to align them with the Military Police ranks. These old ranks, while no longer in use,
still technically exist. You may find the rank Leader of the Soldiers interesting.”

Erwin skimmed until he found it: a high-ranking officer in charge of making personnel and training
decisions, as well as directly assisting their commanding officer. “This is close to Levi’s actual job
description.”
“Unlike the formal Captain rank, it’s only one pay grade above his current salary cap, so it isn’t
quite the monetary compensation he might be expecting. Furthermore, it exists outside the current
chain of command, which may cause some headaches for you when you’re determining seniority.
However, it’s the best I can do until his tenth anniversary. We’ve already bent several regulations
for him, so I’m a little uncomfortable bending yet another, but he is a powerful symbol of hope. In
advance of our upcoming mission, we will do what we can to use him to raise morale.”

“I understand, sir. Thank you for your generosity.” Erwin studied the paper, considering. “The
soldiers and the public have already taken to calling him Captain, based solely on the importance
of his role to the Survey Corps. Would you be okay with us continuing to use that title, even though
it’s a bit inaccurate?”

“That would probably be best, to avoid confusion. You may present Captain Levi with his
promotion at your earliest convenience.” Zackly stood.

“Thank you, sir.” Erwin stood, too, shaking his hand. He slipped Levi’s promotion into his file.

He found his newly appointed Leader of the Soldiers leaning against a tree by the walkway, arms
folded, a scowl on his face. Erwin stopped an arm’s length away from him, not sure how to open
the conversation.

Levi’s eyes shifted up to him, the rest of him unmoving. “Did you cave?”

“I did what was necessary.” Erwin pulled out a piece of paper and held it out. “Zackly approved
your promotion, though not quite in the way we expected.”

As they walked back to the hotel, he explained the new role. Levi only nodded and accepted the
paper, folding it and putting it in his pocket.

The instant the door of their room closed behind them, Erwin locked it, then began to walk the
perimeter of the room. He checked the closets, closed the window shades, and even peered under
the beds.

“What are you so damned paranoid about?” Levi asked, pulling his boots off. “You’re tracking dirt
everywhere.”

“Sahlo’s pulling out all the stops. I need to make sure what I’m about to tell you isn’t overheard.”
He grabbed Levi’s wrist and pulled him to a seat on the bed, then sat beside him. “We aren’t going
to the silos.”

Levi’s brows rose. “What?”

“We’ll document the plans for Sahlo’s expedition and submit the details to the Council, while
simultaneously proceeding with our own plans to set up caches. Once we’re outside the walls,
Sahlo has no idea what we’re doing. We can make this work to our advantage.” He bent forward
for his notebook, which sat on the table, still open to a page he had been scribbling in that morning.
He opened it to a clean page.

“Of course,” he continued, “the cache mission is higher risk than the silo mission he’s proposing.
We’re certainly going to have a higher casualty rate than he expects. That might end up working to
our advantage—those deaths will help us discredit him. We can pin them on Sahlo’s proposal,
explain that forays into unpatrolled territory are always a risk. The Council will be less likely to let
him derail us in the future.”

“Erwin.”
He looked up. “Yes?”

Levi’s lip curled. “You’re going to use the deaths of our soldiers as a political tool?”

“If deaths are inevitable, we might as well make sure they’re not in vain. Their help on the
battlefield and against Sahlo means they’re doubly useful to humanity’s cause.”

“You think their families are going to feel the same way?”

“I think they’d like to know their loved ones’ deaths have as much value to humanity as possible.
We’ll still be trying to conserve every life we can, Levi. I’m not proposing we actively try to lose
troops.”

Levi was still staring at him, so Erwin looked at his notebook instead, jotting down notes.

“Obviously, word can’t get back to Sahlo that we betrayed him,” he continued. “We’ll bring a
small subset of the regiment with us, soldiers we know can be trusted. A smaller group will travel
faster, anyway, and the scouting aspects of the mission are more important than the caches
themselves at this point, especially since we won’t have all the food stores we need. We can head
to Wall Maria without those last four caches; we absolutely cannot do it without knowing what
we’re up against in Shiganshina.

“After the mission, we’ll use Oluo to feed false information back to Sahlo. We’ll also need to
provide the King with the monetary equivalent of the silo funds, to make it look as if he
succeeded.” He paused, scratching down a few more notes. Slowly, he became aware that Levi was
very quiet, very still.

“Everything okay, Levi?”

Levi shrugged. “You’re making that dumb expression again.”

Erwin glanced up at the mirror on the dresser, and he was surprised by how cold his face looked.
When did my eyes start looking so dead and soulless? “ I suppose I’m just focussed.”

“You sure you haven’t lost your mind? Giving Sahlo lip service and then running your own
expedition anyway sounds like a huge fucking risk.”

Erwin’s gaze shifted back to him. Levi was hunched over, his arms tight around his chest.

“Levi, you saw how dire things have become in the Underground, and that’s only going to get
worse unless we can recapture farmland. We can afford to delay a little bit, but not to the extent
Sahlo has proposed.” He leaned closer, his voice softening. “The Underground will be hit hardest.
You were absolutely right when you suggested rations were class-based. Lords like Sahlo aren’t
afraid of food shortages, because they can afford the expensive rations. The military isn’t afraid of
food shortages, because we’ll always be cared for more than average citizens. It’s up to people like
you and me to stand up for impoverished families who will be left with nothing.”

Levi looked away. “So say your plan works, and we can trick Sahlo and lay the caches with a small
team. Where are you going to get the money we’re supposed to be finding in the silo?”

Erwin’s graphite scratched at the paper as he made some quick calculations, and his heart sank.

“It’s a substantial amount. I’ve been gradually funnelling more and more of my liquid assets into
the Survey Corps, and I’m afraid my savings have dwindled. If I empty my accounts, I can cover a
great deal of it, but we’re still short. Unless … ” He trailed off.
Levi wouldn’t look at him. “Say it.”

“I told you I’d never sell any of our apartments without asking your permission. I’d like to request
that we sell one.”

Levi’s throat bobbed. “Which one?”

“Shiganshina is out of the question for obvious reasons, and we use Trost often enough—for
business and for pleasure—that it doesn’t make sense to sell it. That leaves Karanese or Ehrmich.”
He hesitated. “Karanese has seen something of a fish stock shortage in the past couple years, and it
will take time to replenish. Denizens have been panicking and selling, which has devalued—”

“You want to sell Ehrmich,” Levi said dully.

Erwin lifted his chin, fighting to keep his voice steady. “I know what that place represents. I know
we intended to visit it after the expedition. I also know housing there is in high demand, so we
could easily get the amount we need.” He paused to subtly catch his breath. “I’m sorry, Levi. I
can’t think of any other way to raise funds on short notice. We can still visit the city after the
expedition is over; we’ll just have to find a hotel.”

Levi stood. “I have to think about this. I’m going for a walk.”

“I understand.” Erwin considered for a moment, knowing his escapes sometimes lasted several
hours. “We’ve also been invited to a dinner party at the home of one of our investment partners. I
know it’s a lot to ask … ”

“You want me to perform.”

“In uniform, please. A couple arm-wrestles, maybe a heroic story about killing titans. I’ll meet you
there at about seven o’clock.” He scribbled down an address and tore out the page, holding it out.
Levi folded it and put it in his pocket without looking up.

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” The grey eyes finally lifted. “Do what you need to do. I’ll see you at seven.”

Erwin nodded. He reached out and caught the small hand, lifting it to his lips, pressing a kiss into
the knuckles.

Usually, their hands would trail, but this time, Levi retracted his hand, turned and left.

He has a lot to process. Erwin turned back to his work, trying not to let the distance bother him, but
his stomach was hollow.

Levi shoved his hands in his pockets and strode down the street, ignoring the attention he was
drawing. All those people staring and calling his name thought Captain Levi lived a life of heroism
and freedom; they didn’t see how much strain he was under, his temples constantly tight, his ears
always ringing.

He knew they had no choice but to follow the plan Erwin had outlined. Erwin always examined
things from every angle. If he said it was the best plan, then it was the best plan, no matter how
risky it sounded.
No matter what they had to give up.

Still, the decision to sell Ehrmich had been just one more reminder that their lives were totally
outside their control. Captain Levi and Commander Erwin, weapons of freedom, a means to an end.
Nothing about them as individuals actually mattered—their health, their sleep, their money, their
property, their love, their desires. The only thing that mattered was humanity’s survival.

As far as being a weapon went, being a weapon of humanity wasn’t the worst option. But he
couldn’t shake the feeling that Levi and Erwin were on the cusp of disappearing entirely, only
Captain and Commander remaining. It wasn’t just Ehrmich. What was going to happen to their
three shared nights a week now that they were planning two expeditions, one real, one fake? Was
this their life now, until Wall Maria was reclaimed? Double the workload just to tiptoe around
some greedy, power-tripping lord?

Stopping at a tea shop, he bought a pot of tea and, ignoring the barista’s fawning, settled into a
corner. Several catalogues and almanacs were in disarray on the shelves nearby. He stood them all
upright, alphabetized them, then selected a clothing catalogue to flip through. Cravats were still
high fashion, as were spats. He snorted softly to himself. Spats: the ultimate sign of the screwed-up
priorities of the upper class. Who had money to waste on flaps of cloth to cover shoes? The laundry
bills alone would feed an Underground family.

He idly flipped through the pages, blowing on his tea to cool it. The illustrated men were all
handsome, like Erwin: tall, broad shoulders, golden hair. One particularly elegant grey suit caught
his eye, and it didn’t take much imagination to turn the illustration into Erwin. He found himself
picturing Erwin wearing the suit, saying his vows, their hands joined. At some point, Levi’s throat
had started to ache with longing whenever he thought about marriage. Was it on Erwin’s mind
anymore, with everything else he had to consider? Was it even something they should be wasting
time thinking about? His fingers ran across the picture as he thought of their August and Emil alter-
egos, of the potential they could never realize.

They had effectively killed August and Emil the night before, anyway; they would never be able to
use those identities again, not after what had happened Underground. Maybe that was for the best.
Maybe pretending their personal lives had any meaning was only going to make everything hurt
more as they diverged further and further from normal lives.

A small child wandered up to the table, eyes wide and long-lashed. “Excuse me, Mister. Are you
Captain Levi?”

Levi’s lip curled. “Go away, kid.”

The brown eyes shone. “They say you're as strong as a thousand men!”

Where the fuck are your parents? Levi scanned the room and found them talking to the barista,
oblivious. He gave a low sigh. “Go away, brat. I’m busy.”

The kid stared at him, shocked, then scampered away. Levi’s nose wrinkled. Why did I ever dream
about settling down, anyway? I hate kids.

He took a swig of tea, trying to wash away the lump in his throat.

Thankfully, no one else approached him. He stayed in the shop through two pots of tea, a biscuit
and some sort of sweet, fruity flatbread. He flipped through every single catalogue and book on the
shelf, but his thoughts kept drifting from the page. It was nice here. Peaceful. It might be nice to
run a tea shop. Customers might get annoying, but the quiet aura would be a pleasant change from
the constant chaos of military life.

In spite of the food and drink, his stomach soon began to growl. It was likely time to head to the
dinner party. He slammed the catalogue shut, filed it away and stood.

The sun was low in the sky, and the tower clock in the centre of town read six-thirty. Maybe if he
got this out of the way, Erwin would let him leave early enough to head to the MP headquarters
and train in their gym for a bit. He needed to kick the shit out of a punching bag for a while.

He wandered slowly and arrived at the front gates just as the seventh bell rang. A guard checked
his name from a list and opened the gates, and he walked up a long driveway to a two-story
mansion large enough to house his entire squad. The parlour inside was even more packed with
gaudy finery than their hotel lobby, and his nose wrinkled. He had a soft spot for fine decor, but
this was just flat-out tackiness.

The nobles around him were so dolled up with makeup, fur, and jewellery that they blended in with
their surroundings. They stood in small circles, the women laughing like hens, the men giving deep
chuckles, always in a synchronized rhythm.

Levi’s skin crawled. He scoured the room for Erwin. His height and golden hair usually made him
easy to spot, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Ah, Captain Levi,” a voice said behind him, sing-song with false joy. “So glad you could come.”

He turned to see a woman he recognized from other upper class parties, but he couldn’t remember
her name. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“I’m so glad.” She stopped in front of him. Heavy gems hung from her ears; the lobes were
stretching. “Where is your Commander? I was hoping to speak to both of you. I was very impressed
by the weapon designs he sent me. Very humane.”

Levi stared at her, then remembered the weighted nets Hange had been working on to restrain
titans on the field. Humane? Just how removed from the front lines was this woman that she
thought titans deserved humane treatment?

The woman laughed, looking a little nervous. “You don’t say much, do you, Captain?”

“Not when it’s shitty small talk.”

Her smile was even more phoney now, and he remembered he was supposed to be impressing
potential investors. What was he supposed to do, arm wrestle her? Dammit, Erwin, where the hell
are you?

“ Look,” he said, “you’re wasting your time talking to me. I’m useless at this shit. Wait for Erwin
to get his ass over here.”

“I … see.” The fake smile was rapidly fading.

“Lady Gunnhild,” said a boisterous voice behind him, and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He
turned, and his jaw clenched. Lord Sahlo stood behind him, dressed in garish finery, an even less
genuine smile plastered across his lips. “Please excuse Captain Levi. His skills on the field are
unparalleled, but his mastery of the tongue is somewhat lacking due to his unrefined upbringing.”

“Get your hand off me,” Levi growled.

The Lady gave a relieved smile. “I thought perhaps I had offended him.”

“He is a bit cantankerous. It’s nothing you did, I assure you.” Sahlo smiled at Levi as if they were
old friends. “The average Survey Corps soldier is rough around the edges out of necessity, to brave
the wild world outside our walls. You’ll find Commander Erwin to be the brains out of their
leadership duo. Were we on the field instead, it’d be this fellow here impressing you with his
moves.”

Levi glanced around the room. Erwin, where the fuck are you?

“ If you’ll excuse us, milady,” Sahlo said, “I have urgent business to attend to with Captain Levi.
Perhaps a dance later?”

“Of course, milord. Dinner will be served shortly—I hope you enjoy it.” She gave an uneasy
glance at Levi, then turned.

Sahlo leaned in close. “Come with me.”

“I have nothing to say to you, shit face,” Levi said.

“Ah, but I have things to say to you.”

“Wait until Erwin gets here.”

“These words are for your ears only.” Sahlo gripped his shoulder, harder this time. “There’s a
lovely veranda where we won’t be overheard.”

“So your goons can jump me? I don’t think so.”

The lord gave an exasperated sigh. “Fine, then let’s at least move out of sight.”

As they moved toward a small side room, Levi used his periphery, carefully monitoring his
surroundings.

“It’s a smoking room,” Sahlo said, as if for Levi’s benefit. He pulled the door shut and sat on a red
padded chair. “I have a spare cigar, if you’d—”

“What the hell do you want?” Levi growled.

Sahlo jumped a little, but then smiled and leaned forward onto his knees, gesturing at the seat
across from him. “Please.”

Wary, Levi sat.

“I have some concerns about your Commander. I needed to pry you two apart long enough to speak
with you about it.” The lord pulled a cigar out of his pocket and gestured to it. “Do you mind if I-
?”

“Light that thing and I’ll put it out in your eye.”

“Such hostility. But I know there’s a clever man underneath all that anger. You survived to
adulthood in the Underground, something many people don’t get the chance to do.” Sahlo’s face
was so uncharacteristically soft that it made the hair on the back of Levi’s neck stand on end.

The lord tucked the cigar back into his pocket, continuing to speak. “I know you care about what
goes on down there more than most of the people around here. Your Commander sees the
Underground in practical terms—contacts to be used, soldiers, such as yourself, to be snatched
away from their lives. But it’s more than that to you, isn’t it? That place still lives in your heart.”

“Stop telling me what I feel,” Levi said. “What do you want?”

“I want you to think about where your loyalties lie.” Sahlo’s gaze was almost as hard and piercing
as Erwin’s. “I know your knee-jerk reaction is going to be to swear at me and storm off, but think
about it, Levi. Really think about it. Take a few days, if you need to.” He leaned closer. “Erwin’s
pretending the harvests from Wall Maria will be equally distributed among the people, but you and
I both know that’s not the case. How often were you starving below the surface, back when there
were plenty of crops to go around?”

Levi’s stomach twisted with memories he couldn’t quite piece together, sharp pains, weakness and
delirium. His brow furrowed. “What’s your point? Stop talking your way around it and just shit it
out.”

“There are other solutions, ones that take more time to implement, ones that put food directly into
the mouths of Underground denizens. You’ve seen pieces of the puzzle, but not the whole
masterpiece it creates. I would like to share my plans with you, one day, but for now, I will just say
this: I am poised to set up something beautiful for the people who desperately need my help, and
your Commander is going to yank the rug out from under me just for the sake of his own glory.”

“Ha!” Levi had the overwhelming urge to spit in his face. “If you think Erwin’s after glory—”

“You haven’t noticed his possessiveness about being the one to come up with the reclamation
plan?” Sahlo’s lip curled in a sneer. “Tell me, Levi: has he actually told you how the reclamation
will play out? Are you confident he has a plan? Or is he being so headstrong about his timeline
because he needs to be the one to develop the plan, and he doesn’t want to give anyone else time to
beat him to the punch?” He leaned forward. “Do you truly believe his accelerated timeline is for
humanity’s benefit?”

“This is bullshit. I’ve heard enough.” Levi stood and began to move to the door. His hand had just
closed over the handle when he heard his name. He turned back. The lord was staring at him with
stormy eyes.

“Think about this carefully.” Sahlo’s voice was leaden. “Speak with me at any time if you come to
your senses, because I have a role for you in my plans. But be warned: Erwin isn’t the only one
who will go to any length for the causes he believes in.” He stood. “I will go through anything, and
any one, to get him to cooperate—and I’ll start with his lover.”

Levi felt the words squeeze the air from his lungs, but he forced himself to breathe normally. “You
think he has a lover? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Levi, really, ” Sahlo chided, as if the truth were blindingly obvious.

“I don’t know what information you think you have, but it’s wrong. That guy doesn’t care about
anyone or anything except his work.”

The lord leaned forward, squinting intently at him, then smiled. “I see.”

“Fucking weirdo,” Levi muttered. He marched back into the main room, hoping his performance
had been convincing.

Does he know? Was that a bluff? His head swam as he stepped into the hall. His fingertips rose to
his neck, to the love bite he hadn’t been able to conceal. No, this couldn’t have given me away. It
could be from anyone …

The crowd was so loud that his ears hurt, and the strings screeched, and Sahlo’s words echoed in
his mind. Erwin, you bastard, where are you? He wove his way through the crowd, ignoring the
people who tried to engage him in conversation. After two full circuits of the room, he finally
accepted that Erwin wasn’t there. Now what do I do?

He was saved by Lady Gunnhild, who gave a short welcome speech, then led them all to a long
dinner table in the next room. A lit chandelier hung overhead, but the room was otherwise far more
sparsely decorated than the parlour. Levi found his name on a place card next to Erwin’s. He
flopped to a seat and watched the crowd trickle in, hoping to catch sight of blond hair neatly parted
at the side, but the trickle ended and the seat beside him was still empty. His stomach dropped. He
got caught up in his planning. I’m going to be here alone all night. Would it be too noticeable if he
left now?

“Captain Levi,” greeted a voice to his right. He turned to see Anka Rheinberger, an empty chair on
her other side. Levi nodded at it.

“Where’s the old man?”

“Back at the hotel.”

“Huh. Drunk?”

She hesitated. “What about Commander Erwin?”

“Fucked off somewhere and left me here to make shitty small talk with rich assholes.”

“Oh.”

She looked so unimpressed that Levi struggled for more conversation. “He’s probably planning
Sahlo’s expedition.”

“I see.” She turned to face him, eyes narrow with concentration. “How do you feel about the
delayed reclamation effort?”

He shrugged. “People are going to die.”

“You don’t think holding off and allowing more planning time will ultimately save more lives?”

“No.” He leaned back in his chair. “What’s a few more months going to do? The MP and the
northern three branches of the Garrison are completely unprepared to face titans, and a few months
won’t change that. I don’t give a shit how fancy Sahlo’s weapon ideas are: the biggest weapon the
titans have is fear. A panicking soldier is going to misfire a rifle all the same if it’s got fancy
bullets or not.”

“Hm.” She smiled. “You’re smarter than I expected. Commander Pixis and I came to the same
conclusions.”

Levi glanced down the table at Sahlo, who was engaged in obnoxious conversation with their
hostess. “So if the Survey Corps and the Garrison agree this expedition is bullshit, why don’t we
speak up?”

Anka leaned closer, voice low. “Politics. Sahlo is highly favoured by the King right now, and we
have to tiptoe around him because of it.”
“Why’s he so favoured?”

“He’s been positioning himself well. Rumour is the King is hoping to drop another Lord from the
Council and put a second Wallist representative in his place. We think Sahlo’s been trying to make
himself more valuable than the other Lords, just in case it comes to that. He’s protecting his
position.”

Levi frowned. And I bet that’s why he’s sucking up to the Wallists. Covering all his bases. This
fucker has his fingers everywhere to make sure he can grab on to something in case he starts to
fall.

“ If the Survey Corps stands up to him, will the Garrison stand with us?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” She turned to smile at a server, who poured a glass of wine for her, then began to
do the same for Levi. Levi waited until the man had moved away to continue speaking.

“You don’t know? What the hell does that mean?”

“Commander Pixis is a man of logic. Provide him with a concrete, reasonable alternative, and he
might take it. It’s not as simple as just speaking up against Sahlo. We saw how that went in the
meeting. Your group has a lot of ideals, but we need substance.”

Levi was tempted to tell her that Erwin was working to expose Sahlo’s misdeeds to Zackly, but
decided it wasn’t his place to say anything. Pixis and Anka seemed decent enough, but Erwin was
the one who controlled when they played their cards. And he could be doing that right now if he
had bothered to show up.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, until the first course saved them. As the meal
progressed—needlessly wasteful and full of rich food—Levi set small servings aside on Erwin’s
plate. At the end of the meal, he dumped them into a cloth napkin and tied the tops of it.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to do that, Captain,” Anka said politely.

“They can afford to lose a scrap of cloth, and this food would just rot in an alley or some lord’s
gullet.” He grabbed half a loaf of bread from the table and tucked it under his elbow. “I’m
leaving.”

“Before cocktail hour?”

“I don’t want to be around these assholes when they’re drunk.” He nodded at her, then turned and
wove through the crowd. A couple lords tried to speak with him, but he ignored them.

Maybe it was his imagination, but he could feel Sahlo’s eyes on him as he left, boring through the
back of his head.

Levi opened the door to the hotel room.

As expected, Erwin was hunched over the desk, writing furiously. A large pot of coffee sat beside
him, and his mug was half-full. His jacket hung on the back of the chair, the top couple buttons of
his shirt undone, and his bolo tie sat on the desk beside him. The lamp was far too low. He hasn’t
even noticed it got dark.

Levi lit the lamp by the door and dropped the bag of food on the dresser. Erwin looked up,
squinting.

“Levi? Is it time to—” He glanced around him, and his eyes landed on the clock. “Ten? Is that
right? But I—” He shoved a hand through his hair, blinking.

Levi kicked the door shut, making a satisfying slam. “You’re an asshole. I had to socialize with
those fuckers alone.”

“Shit. I’m sorry, Levi. I lost track of time.” Erwin stood and strode across the room as if to give
him a hug.

Levi shoved the food bag into Erwin’s chest before he could close the distance. “You didn’t eat,
either, did you?”

Erwin paused. He set the packet on the table and untied it. “Levi, did you steal food and a napkin
from Lady Gunnhild?”

“No one was using it.”

Erwin’s jaw tightened. “I should have been there.”

“Yeah, you should have.” Levi locked the door, set his boots by it, then flopped back onto the bed.
He folded his arms behind his head, glaring at the ceiling. “I had to talk to Sahlo without you.”

There was a long pause. “What did he say?” Erwin asked, tension in his voice.

“He wanted to convince me to betray you. Said he’s weaving some masterpiece of puzzle pieces,
one that’ll help humanity, and you’re too focussed on personal glory to see it.”

The next pause was so long that Levi lifted his head. Erwin was perched at the end of his chair,
back hunched, staring absently down at the food.

“Erwin?”

He didn’t move. “What else?”

“He thinks you don’t have a plan for Wall Maria, but you’re pushing ahead because you don’t
want to give anyone else time to think of a plan before you do. He also … ” Levi hesitated. “He
said you weren’t the only person who would go to any length for what they believe in. Said he’d go
through anyone to get to you, and he’d start with your lover.”

Erwin’s head snapped up to him. “My lover?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin’s spine straightened, his gaze boring through Levi. “And what did you say in response?”

“I told him he was crazy if he thinks you care about anything but your work. And he just stared at
me really hard and then said, ‘I see.’ So I called him a creep and left.”

Erwin stared at him for another moment, then gave a whispered shit and stood. He strode to the
window and opened the curtain a crack, peering through it.

“He might have been bluffing,” Levi said. “Or he might have had someone else in mind.”

“It doesn’t matter. He’s actively trying to find my emotional weaknesses.”

He was still peering out the window. Levi rolled onto his side, eyes trailing down his back.
“There’s more. I talked to Anka. Pixis likes your timeline better, but Sahlo’s got his lips firmly
planted on the King’s ass, so they can’t touch him unless you give them a solid, logical alternative.
There’s talk of removing another lord and putting a second Wallist on the Council, so it looks like
he’s covering his ass there, too.”

“I see.” Erwin finally pulled away from the window. “Thank you for relaying all this.”

His polite smile made Levi’s stomach sink. “Stop thinking for a bit and eat your food. I didn’t steal
that shit so it could rot on your desk.”

As Erwin ate, Levi filled the kettle, then lit the burner beneath it. He was still furious that Erwin
hadn’t shown up at the dinner, but at least he had managed to get some useful information out of
Sahlo and Anka. That was better than nothing.

Once the water was boiling, he steeped a cup of tea, then pulled up a chair next to the desk. His
eyes wandered across the papers scattered around the desk. The notebook was open to its last few
pages now, and several maps and books were open and carefully marked. Levi tried to put his
anger aside. Erwin had a lot to think about right now; forgetting a dinner party was better than
forgetting a key part of an expedition.

“You should let Hange, Mike and me plan the silo expedition,” he said, thinking aloud.

Erwin looked up. “Oh?”

“It’s just for show, so it doesn’t have to be too well thought-out, right? Just good enough to fool the
Council. The three of us can vomit out something based on our past silo recovery strategies. Save
your brain for the real expedition we’ll be doing instead.” He paused. “Besides, you’ll kill yourself
if you try to plan two full expeditions in two weeks.”

Erwin glanced at his notes, as if debating. “It is difficult to split my concentration between the two,
but I can’t ask you to sacrifice your time for my political play.”

“Shut up. You can.” Levi’s grip tightened on the mug. “Don’t be a control freak about this. Let us
do it.”

After a beat, Erwin gave him a smile, this one more genuine than the one he had been wearing a
moment ago. “I could use the help. Thank you.”

“Don’t smile at me like that. I’m still pissed off at you.” Levi turned away, sipping his tea.

Erwin’s hand closed over the mug. He tugged it out of Levi’s grasp, setting it aside.

“What the hell?” Levi said, but a hand closed over either side of his jaw, and then a broad, warm
forehead pressed against his.

“I’m sorry, Levi.” The whispered words were hot against Levi’s lips, and he felt shivers run down
his spine.

Damn him. “ Suck up all you want. I’m still angry.”

“How can I make it up to you?” There was that soft tone, that low growl, that always made blood
rush between Levi’s legs.

He folded his arms over his chest and looked away. “I don’t know.”
“Can I try something anyway? Or are you too angry?” Erwin knelt on the floor and pushed Levi’s
thighs apart. His fingers settled on Levi’s belt buckle, and he looked up, as if asking for
permission.

Levi’s breath caught. He shrugged. “Aren’t you too busy?”

“Levi.”

“Fine, go ahead.”

Erwin bent forward to press his mouth to Levi’s pants, breathing out. Hot air flooded through the
fabric.

“Shit,” Levi whispered.

Erwin looked up at him, using that severe angle that was so intimidating and arousing, that sharp
facial structure, those eerie, piercing eyes. Levi felt himself shrink back against the chair,
lightheaded.

Then those large hands were unbuckling the belts, then lifting the brown uniform skirt, then
pulling the pants off Levi’s hips. He felt Erwin’s tongue, flat and soft, running circles around one
of his testicles. He wanted to stay angry, but it felt so good that a low groan sounded in his throat.
Now he could feel that sharp nose pressing underneath his balls, tongue sliding back, then forward
again.

Levi’s mouth was hanging open, and he couldn’t find the strength to close it. He slid forward and
tilted his hips up, trying to move into the warm mouth. Erwin looked up at him again, holding eye
contact as he licked all the way up to the tip. Levi cried out. This was happening so quickly that he
didn’t have time to think. The last of his anger fell away.

“Leader of the Soldiers,” Erwin murmured, and a rough palm slid under Levi’s shirt and up his
abdomen. “My second in command. Do you know how important you are to me? To the Survey
Corps?” He paused to lap at the underside with just the right pressure.

The idea of being second in command was unusually appealing. Maybe it was the look on Erwin’s
face, that domineering, possessive look that made their political enemies melt beneath him. Levi
grabbed the bolo tie from the desk and lowered it over Erwin’s head. The blue eyes flickered with
surprise, but then settled back into their intense stare.

“My Commander,” Levi said, feeling equally embarrassed and aroused by the words.

Erwin let out a soft, fluttering breath as if composing himself, then bent forward, and his mouth
was warm and wet. Levi cried out, thrusting into it, and he felt strong hands clamp onto his hips.
He forced his eyes open a crack, taking in that intimidating expression, and oh fuck, Erwin wasn’t
looking away, he wasn’t letting his gaze drop …

Then those thick lips plunged down again, and Levi was deep in his throat. Oh, fuck. His head fell
back, his eyes closed. The swirling tongue, the heat, the suction … He gripped a fistful of golden
hair in each hand, pulling hard, and he felt Erwin grunt around him. Strong fingers wrapped around
the base and began to move, and the friction was overwhelming.

It wouldn’t take Levi long to come like this, but his body was greedy. “Inside me,” he gasped.

Erwin pulled away, and the room’s air was cold on the damp flesh. “Yeah?” He kissed the inside
of Levi’s thigh.
He was too impatient for sex. “Your fingers.”

Erwin gave him another kiss, then stood; the front of his pants was tenting. He pulled a bottle of oil
out of the drawer and thoroughly slicked his fingers, then knelt in front of Levi again.

He’s so turned on, Levi thought, dizzy. He reached out a foot and rubbed it between Erwin’s legs,
feeling the rigid shape beneath the fabric.

Erwin cursed under his breath, his thighs closing around Levi’s foot. For a moment, it looked like
he might be distracted, but then he gave that determined look again and bent forward. Levi felt two
fingers slide into him, agonizingly slowly; he groaned and pushed down on them, trying to speed
them up.

“Like this?”

“Fuck,” Levi whimpered, and then the warm hand and mouth were around him again, lightly
scraping him with teeth, soothing with tongue.

His climax built so quickly that he barely had time to prepare. He curled around Erwin, arms and
torso and legs contracting, feeling it ripple through him from the tips of his toes and fingers.

As the last pulses faded, he fell back against the chair, limp, breathing hard. He felt a last lick and
then cold air, felt the fingers withdraw from his body. His eyelids were heavy, but he managed to
part them a crack. Erwin was still staring up at him with that strong look.

Levi suddenly realized why it appealed to him so much. His mask is still up. Every time we’ve had
sex lately, it’s dropped, and he’s been upset. He wanted to keep this going, wanted Erwin to enjoy
himself.

“Fuck my face,” he whispered.

Erwin’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Come on, stand up.” Levi fumbled at Erwin’s belt with clumsy fingers, until Erwin reached down
to help him. Together, they pulled his pants down.

“Look at you.” Levi reached out to touch him.

“That’s what happens when you yell like that.”

I was yelling? Levi slumped so his mouth was at groin level. “Go at me hard.”

Erwin looked down at him, and the angle reminded Levi of when they had first met, when he had
mistakenly thought there had been a power imbalance between them. His heart pounded.

“Levi … ”

“Use me,” Levi said, an embarrassing whimper in his voice again.

Hesitating a bit, Erwin eased forward into his mouth. Levi gripped him by the wrists, guiding
Erwin’s hands to the top of his head. Then he reached for Erwin’s ass, pulling him in, instructing
him to thrust.

It didn’t take long for Erwin to give in and start thrusting hard. Levi groaned his encouragement,
pulling him in with his hands, their eyes locked. Soon the hands in his hair were tight, and that gaze
was piercing through him.
He’s strong. So strong. Levi’s head spun. He reached up one hand to touch the Commander’s
pendant, his fingers wrapping around it. His gag reflex, dull as it was, was bringing tears to his
eyes, and he loved it, he loved feeling Erwin’s power, his desperation. Sahlo doesn’t know what
the fuck he’s up against. This man knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he
wants, and he’ll do anything to take it.

“ You feel so good,” Erwin gasped, head falling back, “I’m going to come.”

Levi closed his eyes and moved against him, pulling him over the edge. He heard the cries, felt the
strength of each pulse, the quaking muscles beneath his hands, the tug on his hair so tight that it
hurt … So strong, so strong …

It was over too soon. Erwin released him, then staggered back to sit on the bed.

Levi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, sniffling a little, an aftereffect of the gag reflex.
He felt lighter than he had in months. Once he had cleaned up, he lifted his head.

Erwin sat on the bed, his head still bowed, and a cold weight settled over Levi’s shoulders. Shit.

“ Erwin,” he said quietly.

Erwin looked up and forced a smile. “I’m okay.”

The words were unconvincing. It slowly dawned on Levi what he was looking at. Erwin needed to
keep his mask up to withstand stress; sex made him drop it. That had been okay before, when Wall
Maria was still a long way out, when the mask had been a useful accessory. These days, it was a
necessity.

Levi’s throat tightened. He stood and pulled his pants up, buckling them again, then sat beside him
on the bed. For a moment, they were silent.

“I’m sorry again that I wasn’t there for you tonight,” Erwin said.

Levi blinked, then remembered the dinner. “I forgot about that already.”

“Then what’s on your mind?”

He couldn’t figure out how to express the full extent of it, so he voiced the most immediate
portion: “If you’re busy with one proposal, and me and the others are busy with another, that’s not
going to leave much time for those three nights a week we spend together.”

“I suppose not,” Erwin said quietly.

How much work would he have gotten done tonight if I hadn’t interrupted him? Levi reached out
for the Commander’s pendant, feeling its weight in his palm.

“Two nights a week?” he said aloud. “Mondays and Thursdays. Just quick shit like tonight,
nothing that’s going to distract us for too long.”

“That’s a good idea. I suppose it’s just for a couple weeks. We won’t have time for much more.”
Erwin turned to Levi, his eyes glassy. “I promise I’ll make this up to you in Ehrmich.”

Ehrmich. Levi’s brows rose as an idea occurred to him. “Hey, Erwin.”

“Yeah?”
“The money you need to fake the silo expedition—if I bought out your half of the Ehrmich
apartment, would that be enough?”

There was a long pause. “I can’t let you use your money that way, Levi.”

“So you’re the only one allowed to personally invest in the Survey Corps? What else am I going to
spend money on?” Levi ran his thumb around the border of the pendant, not looking him in the
eye. “I’ve been saving up for awhile, and I just got a promotion. Let me buy Ehrmich. If that’s not
enough, I’ll buy Karanese, too. You’ll still have access to them. Nothing changes except the name
on the deed.”

Erwin swallowed hard. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin pulled him in, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Levi. We’ll finalize the paperwork when
we get back to Trost.”

Levi closed his eyes and snuggled closer, hand curling around the pendant. Maybe this was just a
temporary solution, but he couldn’t bear the idea of selling their future to a stranger.

He still wasn’t sure he should be clinging to that future, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go. Not
yet.
 Walls - Part 1
Chapter Notes

A/N: I hope this doesn't come across as repetitive, because I mean it sincerely every
time: THANK YOU for all your lovely comments about this fic. I am constantly
walking on air!

I'd like to say a huge thank you to Sherry, who dedicated a piano cover of Jiyuu no
Tsubasa to me on YouTube - omg, thank you! http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/120424573336/

Also, I've set up an eruri themed giveaway as thank you for 1000 kudos for this fic.
You can find the giveaway here, and it will run until the end of July: http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/121126782581/

This chapter was running very long, so I have split it into two smaller chapters (9000
words each). Both halves are going up at the same time as chapter 29 & 30.

Previous chapter: At the Council meeting, Lord Martin Sahlo shows he's not going
down without a fight; he demands a delay until summer for the Wall Maria
reclamation effort, pushing Erwin to do another silo expedition instead. Erwin decides
to pretend to go along with Sahlo's mission, but secretly stock 2 of the remaining 4
checkpoints on the path to Wall Maria. Levi attends a dinner party, where Sahlo
confronts him with some strange statements. Erwin & Levi go at it for a bit, then agree
to cut down their personal time so they can successfully plan around Sahlo's
manoeuvering.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

-29-

Walls (Part 1)

“What about Pehr?” Mike asked.

Erwin’s chest rumbled with a hum of consideration.

“He’s busy enough with logistics.” Levi snuggled back against the rumble. Erwin had his legs
stretched across the couch, and Levi sat between them, leaning back against his chest. Erwin’s
arms encircled him, holding the file on Levi’s lap where they could both read it.

“Pehr’s been training Johanna.” Mike stretched his long legs across the couch opposite them. He
lifted a piece of notepaper, studying it—or at least, he seemed to be. His fringe was so long that it
was difficult to tell where he was looking. “She’s ready for straight-forward missions like this one.
Transition her to logistics and promote Pehr to Squad Leader.”

“I still think Nanaba’s a better choice.” Erwin’s words puffed the top of Levi’s hair, warm and
gentle. “I’d rather have two people on logistics in case one of them falls during the push.”

Mike shook his head. “Nanaba’s too reliant on superiors; she doesn’t have enough initiative. If not
Pehr, then Dita or Eld.”

A knock sounded at the door. Levi turned to look at Mike, waiting for him to sniff out the
knocker’s identity.

“It’s Hange and Moblit,” Mike said.

Good. Then Levi didn’t have to detach himself from Erwin. “You’re late,” he called. “Come in.”

The door slammed open, and Hange rushed into the room. Moblit followed close behind, closing
and locking the door behind them.

Hange’s voice boomed through the room: “Erwin, please reconsider. The new weaponry will
enable us to—”

“No,” Erwin said.

“Please, just listen.”

“I’ve listened enough times. The answer is still no.”

Moblit flopped onto a chair next to Mike; the Squad Leader leaned in close, sniffing. “Breakfast
drinks?”

“It’s only breakfast if you sleep first,” Moblit said dully.

“At least let me take Mike’s place tomorrow.” Hange’s voice was getting louder. “I have a theory
about the—”

“Hange, I forbid it.” Erwin shifted, indicating he wanted to get up. Levi grumbled, reluctantly
moving to the end of the couch. The air felt chilly without Erwin’s body heat, even though sunlight
streamed in through the window.

Erwin stood and stretched, then paced over to his desk. Hange followed like a dog seeking food
scraps.

“Erwin, you keep putting it off, keep putting it off … We’re only going to be able to reclaim Wall
Maria if we understand our enemy.”

“We understand enough. Capturing a titan is too dangerous at this point in time. We need every
available soldier for our reclamation effort.” Erwin selected a file and turned to face the distraught
Squad Leader. “Once we move beyond the reclamation effort and focus on exterminating the
titans, your research will become invaluable. We’ll revisit this then.” He held out the file. “This is
your assignment while the rest of us are gone. When we get back, you and I will head to Mitras to
speak with investors. At that time, you will not mention capturing a titan; you will only mention the
projects you’re working on right now. We will not have this discussion again. Understood?”

Hange made no move to take the file. “Erwin—”

“Hey, shitgoggles,” Levi said. “He said no. Take the damned file.”

Moblit let out a low groan, raking his hands into his hair. “Please, Squad Leader.”
Hange glanced at Levi, then Moblit, then back at Erwin, then snatched the file out of his hands.
“Sir.”

“Thank you.” Erwin clasped his hands behind his back, addressing the entire group. “I have to head
into town to finalize some financial arrangements. Levi, Mike, make sure your teams are all ready
to leave in the morning. And Levi … ” He hesitated.

His hesitation said everything. “Yeah, got it,” Levi said.

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, impassive, then left the room.

Levi leaned back into the couch with a low sigh. Got it. It was Thursday night, one of their two
scheduled nights to spend together that week, but they were both in desperate need of sleep and
focus. Once the day’s preparations were complete, Levi would retire to his own room, take care of
his own needs and go to bed. If he were honest with himself, he was so exhausted that the idea of a
night of rest was appealing. He doubted his body would let him do anything else, anyway. Just this
past Monday, he and Erwin had fallen asleep half-naked, too tired to continue their foreplay.

Maybe there wasn’t much room for physical intimacy right now, but they had spent nearly every
waking moment together over the past two weeks. With neither of them sleeping more than two or
three hours a night, that was a lot of moments.

Besides, their sacrifices had paid off. The fake silo expedition plans were on the way to the
Council records room. They had built a strong team of forty of the Survey Corps’ most trustworthy
soldiers to carry out the real plans, which were locked down and ready to execute. They had
assembled the necessary funds to fake a silo gold haul, thanks to Levi’s purchase of the apartments
in Ehrmich and Karanese. Erwin even had carriage weight limit calculations ready to explain why
the coins were loose instead of in official royal lockboxes.

It was all worth it, and soon, they would have their reward. A week or two on the expedition, then
a few days apart while Erwin was in the Capital, and then they’d be together in Ehrmich, where
they could forget themselves for a little while.

Or find ourselves again. Levi was no longer sure which was accurate.

Hange dropped to a seat next to him and gave a little moan, flopping dramatically against his
shoulder.

“What the hell? Get off me.” He pushed against dead weight, then winced as a pungent scent hit
his nostrils, like frying onions and garlic. It wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, just invasive. “Holy shit,
you stink. When’s the last time you bathed?”

“A few days ago.”

“No, a week yesterday,” Moblit said, weary.

“Disgusting.” Levi shoved again.

“Fine, I’ll bathe before I sleep tonight.” Hange sat up. “What’s wrong with Erwin? You two have a
fight?”

“What?”

“He’s been so uptight since you two got back from the Capital. More than usual.”
Levi glanced at Moblit before he answered. Moblit had only been let in on their secret relationship
a couple months ago, and it still felt strange to discuss it in front of him. “Maybe he’s just pissed
off that you keep bringing up your own shitty project ideas when he’s got enough to worry—”

“Not enough sex,” Mike interrupted from the couch.

“Ah,” Hange said, as if it explained everything.

“Fuck off, Mike,” Levi said with a swell of defensiveness. “You don’t say two fucking words this
whole time, and now you have something to say?”

Hange stood and leaned into Mike’s face, as if inspecting his nose. “Can you smell when they’ve
had sex?”

Moblit looked frantically at the door. “Squad Leader, we should really be cleaning up the lab.”

“He can’t smell anything over your armpits, stinkgoggles.” Levi stood. “I’m going to check on the
stables. Mike, go make sure the gear checks are going well. Moblit, make sure your dumbass
Squad Leader takes a bath.”

He left the room without looking back. The Squad Leaders needed to mind their own fucking
business and stop hassling Erwin with stupid shit like capturing titans. The only thing that mattered
right now was Wall Maria.

In the stables, Dita’s team was assessing equipment and packing the carts. Several carts were
empty. Because they hadn’t been successful in convincing the merchants to give them food
supplies in advance, they would have to remove food supplies from the nearest two established
checkpoints, carry them all the way through the supply route, and transfer them to the two new
ones at the end of it. It was easy to get to the nearest two checkpoints—they had travelled past
them dozens of times over the past three years—so they would be the easiest checkpoints to
restock once the merchants finally came through. If they ever do.

While their primary goal was to stock two of the remaining four checkpoints, they would be
holding at the furthest point for a few days for their secondary goal: scouting. Levi, Mike, and a
small strike squad would be venturing toward Shiganshina. This mission’s furthest checkpoint
would bring them within a half hour’s ride of the walled city. Ideally, they would find a way to get
into Shiganshina and assess the state of the city, but Erwin believed there would be too many
roving titans to safely advance that far. They would do their best; any information they could bring
back would be invaluable. Erwin had said it himself during the Council meeting: Shiganshina, at
this point, was an unknown. Until they had scouting information, finalizing their plan of attack
would be gambling on hunches.

Gambling on hunches is Erwin’s specialty, anyway.

Levi returned to his room, intending to do a little tidying before dinner, but he recalled Hange and
Mike’s discussion. The stress and fatigue of the past two weeks had hurt his libido, and it really
had been a few days since he had gotten off. It wasn’t like they would have much time alone
during the mission, either, other than a few awkward, impersonal minutes of mutual masturbation
here and there.

He locked his bedroom door, then sat on the end of his bed and unbuckled his uniform. Usually, it
took him less than a minute to take care of himself, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. He tried
flipping his grip, tried his other hand, and even tried coating himself with oil. Still soft.
With a frustrated groan, he fell back to the bed. If he couldn’t jerk off, then maybe he could at least
get a nap in before dinner.

Erwin accepted the flat paper parcel. “Did you get everything I requested?”

The woman shook her head. “Everything’s locked up tight. This is the best I could do without
arousing suspicion.”

“I see. Thank you.” He tucked the parcel under his arm. With a quick glance around the park to
make sure they weren’t watched, he added, “Hasek has been compromised.”

Her brows rose. “By whom?”

“Sahlo. I suspect Leona may be working with him as well.”

The woman closed her eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. When she opened them again,
she gave him a humourless smile and said, “I see. We’ll be in touch.” She stood and turned, leaving
him alone on the bench.

Erwin waited a few more minutes, subtly scanning the park. Finding no one suspicious, he stood.

Once he was inside his apartment, he locked the door and lit the desk lamp. He pulled a wooden
grid out of the top drawer: a cipher. He slipped a knife under the paper flap of the parcel and slit it
open, pulling out an envelope. The envelope’s surface displayed a passphrase in code, an official
seal that the messenger had come from his information network. He quickly confirmed the phrase,
even though he had seen the same woman several times before. With Sahlo acting in unpredictable
ways, he couldn’t be too careful.

He opened the envelope and pulled out a file. Receipts, documents, contracts. Several of the
receipts would be helpful: they showed purchases for Sahlo’s estate, billed to HDB Shipping. A
document showed the silo Sahlo had sent them after was, indeed, an actual silo. Maybe Erwin was
getting paranoid, but he had genuinely wondered if Sahlo had made up the silo to try to test his
loyalty to the Council.

Another document was unexpected: transcription and minutes of a meeting between Sahlo and
Lobov during the days when Erwin had been pressuring Lobov. One line leapt out, spoken by
Sahlo: “Tolerate him, for now. He will be useful to us.”

Useful. How could an up-and-coming Survey Corps Squad Leader be of use to a lord? Surely it
wasn’t just about collecting coins from silos—was it?

Whatever Sahlo had meant, it was becoming clear he had kept his eye on Erwin for a long time.
How much of their conflict had been accidental, and how much had been by Sahlo’s design? And
for what purpose?

Erwin flipped the page, considering, when he stopped. Folded in half, tucked between two sheets
of paper, was a small certificate. The paper was yellow with age.

**DUPLICATE**

RECORD OF BIRTH
Martin Jacques Sahlo

Born on the 10th of January, 801 in Mitras.

Father: Lord Jacques Alain Sahlo

Mother:

Erwin flipped over the page, examining the back of it. The stamps and signature on the back
looked legitimate; the document was complete.

Who is your mother, Sahlo? He studied the empty space where the mother’s name should be. A
scandal, perhaps? Maybe Sahlo’s father had accidentally impregnated a rival noble’s daughter or
wife. He grimaced. This felt like a valuable key, but he had no idea where to find the door it
opened.

The rest of the documents made feeble links between Sahlo and HDB Shipping, but nothing
concrete. Erwin slipped the file carefully into his desk drawer. He’d let it simmer in the back of his
mind while they were on the expedition. There were more pressing concerns.

Deep in thought, he wandered back to base. When he arrived, he began a circuit: stables, store
rooms, gear check, office. Everything was proceeding exactly as he had requested. A corner of his
lips lifted. Maybe he hadn’t figured out what to do about Sahlo, but at least he had the mission
under perfect control.

He asked a soldier to check his gear, then finished off a stack of paperwork. At this rate, he might
even get a full night’s sleep. It was nearing dinner time, and he decided to give himself a proper
dinner break. If Levi wasn’t too busy, they could sneak up to the guard tower and have a few
minutes of peace together.

Levi wasn’t in his office, and there was no response when Erwin knocked on his bedroom door. He
was about to leave, when he paused. Loud, rasping sounds were coming from inside the bedroom.
He pulled out his key ring and quietly unlocked the door, stepping into the room.

He smiled.

Levi lay on his back at the end of the bed, a hand tucked down the front of unbuttoned pants. His
face was slack, and he was snoring.

Though it was tempting, Erwin had learned in the early months of their relationship that a kiss to
the forehead was a terrible way to awaken Levi. On occasion, Levi awoke by jumping to his feet,
ready to fight. Erwin’s teeth were still rattling from the crack of their skulls, three years later.
Instead, he knelt beside the bed and stroked the dark hair back from the broad forehead. Levi
barely stirred.

He’s so exhausted. He’s going to miss his last hot meal before the expedition. Erwin ran a finger
down the petite nose to the gentle snub at the end. “Levi.”

“Mm,” Levi said.

“It’s time for dinner.”

“Mm?” The dark eyelashes parted, then narrowed into a squint. “Dinner? I thought I was only out
for a minute.” He looked down at the hand down his pants. “Oh. Shit.”

“Not a bad sight to walk in on.”

“Don’t bother getting worked up. Couldn’t even get it up.”

Erwin hesitated. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

Levi withdrew his hand and sat up, buttoning his pants. “I hope we bounce back in Ehrmich.”

With all the short-term planning, Erwin had lost sight of what lay beyond the expedition. His chest
fluttered. “We will. We’re just exhausted.”

“Yeah. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought we weren’t going to have time together.”

“This is business related; I have some information to discuss with you. Thought we might take our
dinners to either the guard tower or the park.”

“Tower,” Levi said. “Then I can sit close to you again.”

Erwin smiled. “I’d like that.”

They retrieved their dinners and settled on top of the tower. Now Erwin was thinking about
Ehrmich and all the trip would entail—one overdue activity in particular.

He’d wait until their second afternoon. They’d both be wearing semi-formal wear in anticipation of
a fine dinner later that night. Erwin would suggest a mid-afternoon snack to hold them over. Levi
would love a particular tea shop near the centre of town; they had the best selection of tea outside
of Mitras, and a large bakery as well. After they had eaten and drunk their fill, they’d take a walk
up the hill at the centre of a quiet park near the edge of the city limits. They’d find a private spot to
watch the sunset. As the sun went down, both of them bathed in orange light, Erwin would get
down on one knee and offer a ring.

A ring.

He idly reached for Levi’s hand and held it out, feeling each of the knuckles in turn.

Levi’s lip curled. “What are you doing?”

“These hands do so much for me. For humanity. I feel like I haven’t shown my appreciation for
them lately.” He subtly pressed their palms together. Levi had large hands for his height, but they
were still small compared to Erwin’s. His ring finger is narrower than my little finger. He stored
the information away, hoping it would help him find the right ring size when he and Hange went to
Mitras after the expedition. “Your hands are so delicate.”

“Yeah, well your fingers are like sausages,” Levi muttered, retracting his hand.

“I seem to recall you praising their thickness late one night, not too long ago.” The memory made
his pulse rise. Maybe his libido wasn’t as dead as he thought. “I love you, Levi.”

A slim brow furrowed. “Where did that come from?”

“Do I need a reason to say it?”

Levi studied him for a moment longer, then leaned in to kiss the underside of his jaw. “Shut up and
eat. I bet you forgot to eat lunch, didn’t you?”
After a moment’s consideration, Erwin said, “I suppose I did.”

Levi flicked his forehead.

“Ouch.”

“I keep telling you, you have to eat. Coffee’s not enough to keep your brain working properly.”

He had a point, and the lack of food probably wasn’t helping his fatigue levels, either. Erwin took a
bite of bread.

Once they had cleaned their plates, Erwin leaned back against the short wall, and Levi snuggled
against him, between his legs, positioned just as he had been on the couch earlier. He was warm,
and his muscled frame was at once firm and soft. Erwin’s eyes closed. When he breathed in, he
smelled lemon soap, and above it, chimney smoke.

“It’s starting to smell like fall.”

After a pause, Levi said, “You think we’ll get everything ready and scouted before winter?”

“Of course. We just need the Council to approve one more mission after this, when we’ll secure
those last two checkpoints, and then we have all winter to plan. You and Mike may need to spend
some extra time at the furthest checkpoint, depending how dangerous it is when we arrive. If it’s
safe enough to do extensive scouting, I’d like you to stay a couple weeks into October, depending
how the weather holds out. That should give us enough data to plan throughout the winter.” If
Sahlo and his friends don’t prevent all this. Erwin frowned, nuzzling into the top of Levi’s head. “I
wanted to speak to you about information I received about Sahlo. Something is puzzling me.”

“Yeah?”

“My contact delivered some moderately useful information—receipts, mostly—that included a

duplicate of Sahlo’s birth certificate. His mother’s name was left blank. I thought she might be
from a rival noble family, perhaps, or a commoner, but public records showed the family was
struggling financially until our lord friend, at a surprisingly young age, lifted the company out of
the gutter. Their reputation couldn’t have gotten any lower, so it wouldn’t have mattered if Sahlo’s
father married down, or even if they were unwed.”

Levi spoke, voice quiet: “Maybe he married further down than you’re thinking.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe Sahlo’s mother was a sex worker. Maybe his father fell in love, tried to give her a better
life.”

There was a strange note in Levi’s voice, but Erwin was whisked away on a wave of inspiration
before he could pinpoint it. He thought of the girl Hyacinth in the Underground: You’re one of
those. The surface dwellers of marrying age who think they can save me.

“ His father fell in love with a sex worker in the Underground,” Erwin said, mind racing. “He
brought her to the surface. That’s why Sahlo is so obsessed with the Underground, why he’s the
only lord who gives day passes to Rage Klein’s sex workers, why he claims to have some master
plan in place to aid the people there. Maybe his mother was employed by the Klein family, and he
owes a familial debt of gratitude, or he’s leveraging past connections.” This opened up so many
possibilities he had never considered.
Levi pulled away and turned to look at him. “Hey, Erwin.” There was that strange note again.

“Yes?”

“Is there a chance Sahlo might actually be helping the Underground with whatever he’s doing?”

Erwin’s brows rose.

“Look,” Levi said, “I think he’s a selfish asshole. I don’t trust him. But even when there were three
solid walls, the Underground was starving. Is that going to be any different this time around?”

“It’s difficult to guess.”

“No, it’s not: the surface-dwellers are going to pack even more food on their plates, and the
Underground won’t see a crumb. What if Sahlo figured out a way to get food to the people who
really need it? What if we fuck that up by trying to stop him?”

Erwin watched him for a moment, then looked away. He gently detached himself from Levi and
rose to his feet.

Levi’s brows pinched. “You’re leaving?”

“I promise you one thing, Levi: if we don’t collect Wall Maria’s harvest before the winter of 850,
we will run out of food, and the Underground will be first to starve. I don’t know what solution
Sahlo thinks he’s found, but it’s useless if there isn’t any food to distribute.”

“Don’t get pissy. I said I don’t trust him.”

Their gaze held, then Erwin opened the hatch. “Don’t let him get in your head.”

“What the hell? He’s not in my head.”

Erwin began to climb down the ladder, his brows heavy.

It took until nightfall for Erwin’s mood to relax again, and when the tension finally drained from
his body, he felt empty. The bed was cold, and his conscience was heavy. Maybe it hadn’t been an
outright fight, or even an argument, but he hated to leave their interaction on such a sour note—and
all because his ego was bruised. He was better than that.

He didn’t bother to knock as he unlocked Levi’s door. He heard the bed shift, suddenly, as if the
Captain were sitting bolt upright.

“Levi,” Erwin said, voice low.

The bedside lamp flickered to life. Levi squinted at him, hair ruffled. “I thought you were pissed
off at me.”

“Can I come in?”

“You’re already in.”

Erwin locked the door, then sat on the side of the bed opposite Levi, half-turning to face him. “I
was rude,” he began as an apology.
“No shit.” Levi folded his arms over his chest.

“I’ve been with the Survey Corps for a good seventeen years now, and every single one of those
years, through every single decision, I’ve always had a clear line of sight on my next goal. The
decisions haven’t always been easy, and sometimes they’ve come with great sacrifice, but at least
they were always clear. Obstacles did little to deter me. But the older I get, the more I realize
things aren’t quite as black-and-white as I always believed.” He folded his hands in his lap, looking
down. “I accused you of letting Sahlo get into your head. I was projecting. He’s gotten into mine.”

After a moment, Levi slid over. “Get in bed, or you’ll freeze.”

Erwin gratefully slid under the covers. This bed was already warmer than the one he had left
behind.

Levi rolled onto his side to study him. “Keep talking.”

“My thoughts on Sahlo have been pragmatic, maybe even inhuman: Wall Maria must come first, at
any cost. Even if Sahlo has a plan to save the Underground, that will mean nothing if we don’t
expand our arable land. Our priorities are clear: we have to push past him and reclaim the wall. We
must be prepared to sacrifice our most vulnerable citizens if we are to save humanity.” He rolled
onto his side, too, facing Levi. “But I think of Leona, and I think of you and your past, and I think
of the dancer who proudly makes a living in the worst possible conditions. What kind of monster
would be willing to sacrifice people like that—the people who have borne the worst brunt of
humanity’s struggle? Your question was valid: Sahlo may indeed be the only person with a
working plan to save the people of the Underground, and we may indeed disrupt it by pushing back
against him.” He nestled his cheek into the pillow, smelling lemon soap. “I didn’t like your
question because I don’t like the answer I would give you.”

After a pause, Levi reached out a hand and covered his. Their fingers interlaced. “I’m too close to
this.”

“Because you lived in the Underground.”

“Yeah. You’ve asked me before if I have holes in my memory, things blurred out.” Levi’s brow
furrowed. “There are lots of years like that, and what I do remember doesn’t always fit together in
ways that make sense. I’m not good at remembering things from before. Sometimes I get little
flashes—faces, or words, or even just feelings. When we went back Underground last time, I felt a
lot of them, things I hadn’t felt in a long time. When Sahlo talked to me, I felt even more. And I felt
some on the tower today, too. When they happen, I stop thinking properly. I feel like a little kid
again, stupid and scared. So I act on instinct.”

“I trust your instincts.”

“Well, I trust your logic more.” Levi slid their joined hands to his mouth and kissed one of Erwin’s
knuckles. “My instincts from back then are all about one person surviving; it’s selfish. You have to
think about everyone surviving. I still want to know Sahlo’s plan. And if it’s just some dumb
fucking way for him to exploit people for a profit, I want to kill him. But maybe that’s me being
scared. So do what you want. I’ve got your back.”

I want to kill him. Erwin closed his eyes; the lamp lit his eyelids red. Red, dripping down Levi’s
nose, his mouth, his chin. Was the solution really that simple? Were they close enough to Wall
Maria that they could kill Sahlo, and no one would have time to fill the power gap he left behind?

“It may come to that yet.” His eyes opened. “I’d rather he die by a hangman’s noose than by your
hand. It’s more complicated than simply removing him.”

“Then I won’t question you again.” Levi kissed his knuckle again. “I just needed to know you’ve
considered the Underground.”

“I’m sorry. I overreacted.” Erwin inched closer, kissing one of Levi’s knuckles. “I’ve neglected
you all week, and then I lashed out at you because I was frustrated with Sahlo.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” He didn’t care how busy they got, or how much stress he was under; he must never
hurt the man he loved.

Levi leaned closer and kissed the tip of his nose. Their gaze held, then Levi aimed lower, pressing
a soft, closed-mouth kiss into his lips. Then there was a second kiss, then a third, and then their lips
parted. Erwin let out a soft, fluttering breath, his eyes closing.

Levi shifted closer, fingertips trailing down Erwin’s chin, his throat, his chest. The kiss broke, and
their gaze held as Levi’s fingers traced a line down his abdomen to the front of his pants.

“Should we stop?” Levi whispered.

Erwin barely shook his head, carried away by the feather-light touch. His pants were already tight.
It’s been too long. He ran his palm down the front of Levi’s body and felt him stir. Their mouths
met again, then Levi rolled on top of him, their lips still joined.

He’s so warm. Erwin ran a hand down his spine, hips gently rocking. Levi kissed across to his ear,
then whispered:

“How far do you want to take this?”

“Keep going. I’m clean.”

Levi’s throat bobbed, and then he bent down for another kiss.

They made love slowly, arching against each other, gaze holding in the dim lamplight. Erwin
wrapped his legs around Levi’s waist, feeling Levi’s back muscles rolling beneath his calves with
each thrust. His Captain was so beautiful, his chest and shoulders flexing in waves, his eyes narrow
with focus. Erwin reached out to cup his cheek and slid a thumb between the thin lips; Levi ran his
tongue along it, the closest gesture to a kiss they could share from this angle.

Then an oil-slicked hand tightened around him, moving in the same rhythm as their bodies, and
Erwin closed his eyes, tilted his head back, felt Levi’s slow waves tug at him inside and out,
stronger, stronger …

He heard Levi cry out as he did, felt him ripple through him as they went under together.

His eyelids parted—it felt like seconds later, but the lamp was low. Levi was asleep on his
shoulder, a soiled rag in his limp hand. He didn’t even finish cleaning us up before he fell asleep.

Erwin swallowed hard and pressed a kiss into his forehead, breathing in. I’m so lucky to have you.

He thought of the push to the Wall, and all that needed to be done before then, and all that was
likely to come after it. His heart ached.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” Levi mumbled in his sleep.

Early the next morning, they assembled before the gate: Erwin in front, Levi on his right, Mike on
his left. A few townspeople gathered on either side of the road, but not many. The public was more
interested in the major expeditions, especially the grisly remains at the end of one.

The gate rose, and Erwin shifted higher in the saddle, breathing in the sweet scent of greenery. His
stomach dropped with anticipation as he felt every soldier around him hold their breath, waiting for
his command.

“Advance!” he roared.

Immediately outside the gate, a curious titan began to run toward them. Levi dispatched Petra,
Gunter, and Eld. When another appeared, Levi grimaced and went after it himself, barking orders
at his remaining teammates.

Erwin kept his gaze forward, but his heart swelled with pride. Leader of the soldiers.

Once they were free of the settlement by the walls, a clear path lay before them. They had swept
through this area so many times that the titan population, at least for now, had dwindled.

They halted in the courtyard of the first checkpoint to fill their carts with the food supplies the
merchants had refused to give them. Once the carts were ready, the troops rested and ate lunch
while Erwin met with Pehr and Johanna to discuss their pace. They had a lot of ground to cover
before they arrived at their destination, and the danger would only increase as they moved deeper.
Shiganshina was the source of all titans inside Wall Maria, and Erwin had every reason to believe
they had kept pouring through the hole since the fall, like water through a leak.

That evening, they arrived at the second checkpoint without any losses, having successfully evaded
every titan they spotted. Once all necessary plans for the next day had been verified and the troops
had eaten, Erwin pulled Levi away to the one room with a lock, chewing a mouthful of mint as
they walked.

The instant the door closed, he pushed Levi against it, mouth covering his.

When he pulled away, he felt Levi’s hand stroke his chest. “Did you bring a lamp?”

“No,” Erwin said.

“It’s too dark. I want to watch you jerk off.”

“Tomorrow night. This will have to do for now.” Erwin bent down to kiss him again.

Expedition lovemaking was always so impersonal, frantically grabbing at themselves under cloaks,
spattering crumbling walls. There were so many complicating factors: numbness from the saddle,
trying to avoid arousing suspicion, and, at times like this, lack of proper lighting. And yet, Erwin
always found his sex drive came to him in a rush when they were outside Wall Rose. Part of it was
certainly due to the complete absence of political stress. There was a wild freedom here. And part
of it was seeing Levi in his natural state. Everything about him—his speed, his observational skills,
his instincts—was perfectly suited to being in the field. Even his sweat was natural; it reminded
Erwin of the scent of sand on a hot day. He bent forward in the darkness to taste the dried sweat on
Levi’s neck, landing just below his ear.
“Hey,” Levi said, pulling away. “I’m filthy.”

“You smell so good,” Erwin whispered, barely aware his lips were moving. “Fuck!” His breath
hitched and he threw the cloak to the side so he didn’t soil it. The last few pulses were fading when
he heard Levi give a grunt between clenched teeth.

Both satisfied, they readjusted their uniforms, but Erwin was reluctant to leave. He pulled Levi in
and wrapped his arms around him.

“Clingy,” Levi said.

“A bit.” They hadn’t focused enough on each other over the past couple weeks; he wanted to make
up for it now. Erwin kissed the top of his head, swaying a little from side to side. They would have
to make time to dance in Ehrmich. It had been months since they had last danced together—Erwin
had danced with several soldiers in turn during the Survey Corps Christmas celebration, so they
had sneaked one public dance then, and another, in private, behind a closed door, the music
muffled. Had that really been nine months ago? Time is slipping through our fingers so quickly. He
curled tighter around Levi. The next several months were bound to slip by, too, in late nights and
frantic, scheduled sex.

“You okay?” Levi asked.

“Let’s make a point of visiting a dance hall when we’re in Ehrmich. If we’re in plainclothes and the
lamps are dim, we can blend in with the crowd.”

“Sure.” After a pause, Levi added, “I guess we won’t be August and Emil this time.”

Erwin’s jaw tensed as he realized their aliases were no longer usable. He would have to go back to
Leona for a new set. If I can still trust Leona.

“ We’ll think of new aliases,” he said aloud. “Any requests?”

“I liked the old ones.”

Erwin paused. “So did I. I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Not your fault.”

Generous of him, considering it was. Erwin closed his eyes. “Let’s go back to the others.”

They shared a final kiss, then returned to the main room and lay down next to Mike. It was too
warm to have the excuse to cuddle—none of the other soldiers were—so Erwin rolled to face Levi
instead. Levi did the same. Minty breath and body heat filled the air between them, and even
though they weren’t touching, it felt like an embrace.

Erwin closed his eyes, savouring it. Maybe he was being a bit clingy, but he didn’t want a single
moment together to slip by. Too many already had.

In spite of Erwin’s determination to treasure their stolen moments, the days began to bleed
together. They travelled an average of two checkpoints a day, aiming to keep the troops and the
horses well-rested. Because their numbers were small, they focused on evading titans rather than
clearing them out.
Even with their streamlined, manoeuvrable formation, the titans were a bigger problem as they
progressed, as did the number of casualties. They had left with forty; by the time they arrived at the
most distantly stocked checkpoint, they had thirty-two. One of those lost was the mission’s sole
field medic.

“We can use each of these deaths against Sahlo,” Erwin told Levi, trying to keep his spirits high,
but Levi’s gaze was as hollow as Erwin’s chest. Political games meant nothing out here, with the
screams of the dead still echoing in his ears.

They stayed at the last stocked checkpoint for an extra day, tallying and preparing supplies for the
push to the first of the two new checkpoints. Mike and Levi took small scouting teams ahead,
surveying two possible routes to their next target. Mike’s team narrowly evaded a swarm of titans,
but Levi’s found a safe path, albeit one heavily laden with bramble.

That night, the three officers—along with team leaders Pehr, Eld, and Nanaba—spent several hours
discussing their next moves. Erwin unrolled a map at the centre of the table in a makeshift meeting
room, marking their two goals with red markers. The first had once been a merchant’s warehouse;
it wasn’t as defensible as a military base, but its fences and silos made it an ideal location to store
supplies. The second was an old Garrison outpost, and it was likely to be in rough shape, as it
hadn’t been used for several decades.

“We need two days at the first checkpoint,” Levi said, tapping the map at the centre of the table.
“One to repair, clean it and stock it; the other for Mike and me to scout ahead to the next one.”

“An afternoon of scouting should be sufficient,” said Pehr.

Mike shook his head. “This area is already crawling with titans. It’ll get worse as we get closer to
the Wall.”

Erwin rubbed his chin, studying the red markers. Though they had four checkpoints left to set up—
two this expedition, two during the next one—the last three were equidistant from Wall Maria; the
Wall was where the military would be making its stand, so the Wall was where the bulk of the
supplies needed to be. That meant this mission was going to bring them within an hour of the Wall.
The second new checkpoint was bound to be swimming beneath a tide of titans.

“We’ll take two days at the first target,” he said aloud.

“Our water supplies—” Pehr began.

A whimper sounded from the corner of the room, and they fell silent.

Nanaba leaned against the wall, clutching her stomach.

“Everything okay, Nanaba?” Erwin asked.

“Sorry.” She wiped a damp strand of blond hair off her forehead, still hunched. “Monthly cramps.
Bad timing.”

Erwin’s eyes shifted to Mike, whose nostrils were twitching. When his lips flattened, Erwin knew
she was lying. “Nanaba, do you need medical attention?”

“No, I’m fine. Just caught me off guard.” She nodded at the map. “Please keep going, Pehr.”

By the end of the meeting, they had agreed on a timeline and the next day’s strategy. Erwin
dismissed them and moved to talk to Nanaba, but she ducked out of the room before he could catch
her attention.

“Mike,” he said instead.

The Squad Leader came over to him. “No idea.”

“Keep an eye on her. If she seems to get worse, she needs to see a—” Erwin trailed off,
remembering their only medic was dead. “Ah.”

“Levi has some skill.”

“He’s good with first aid, but I’m not sure he can help with a diagnosis if there’s a serious
problem.” In addition to a mastery of stitching wounds that had surely come from the independence
one developed in the Underground, Levi had, on many occasions, displayed a surprising
knowledge about administering morphine. Or perhaps not so surprising, given his history. Erwin
did his best not to think about that—not because it bothered him, but because it bothered Levi.

“Should I isolate her?” Mike asked.

It seemed unlikely she would have developed a contagious stomach bug alone, given they had all
been travelling together for more than a week. “Not unless you think it’s necessary.”

“Okay.” Mike nodded, then left the room. Erwin rolled up the map, setting it neatly back in its
case, then followed.

Levi was waiting for him in the hallway, arms folded over his chest.

“Captain,” Erwin said lightly as they fell into step together.

“Put me on path clearing tomorrow.”

“I’d rather have you taking out titans than bushes. We need our strongest soldiers protecting us
until we’ve carved through the rough patch and we’re mobile again.”

“That bramble is thick as hell. The faster we get through, the less time we’re vulnerable. We need
my speed to carve the path.” Levi led him around a corner. “I’ll be on alert for smoke flares if I’m
needed to help the patrol teams.”

“Very well,” Erwin said, convinced. “Johanna’s been complaining that she misses being on the
front lines, anyway. You can trade places with her.” He slowed to a halt. “How are you feeling?”
he added, the words heavy with subtext.

Levi reached out to straighten the Commander’s pendant. “Tired. Sore. Think I’ll head to bed after
I check on my horse.”

“Understandable. I’m tired, too.” Erwin’s fatigue hit him as he said the words, his eyelids heavy.
The faces of the dead soldiers began to float through his mind, a constant nuisance during missions
with heavy losses. Normally, he was able to shove them aside until an appropriate time to mourn,
but he found himself too tired to keep them at bay. “What was the name of the boy who died
today?”

“The kid with the freckles? Oswald.”

“Oswald.” Erwin leaned on one shoulder against the wall, losing focus. “He must have been, what,
fifteen? Sixteen? I rode past him as he died.”
Levi’s fingers curled around the pendant. “Don’t do this right now.”

“He was bleeding out and terrified, but he still used the last of his strength to salute me.” A muscle
in his jaw began to jump. “He gave his life for me, and died saluting me. I meant everything to
him, and he meant nothing to me. I didn’t know his name. I don’t even recall seeing him before.”

“Erwin,” Levi growled. “Stop.”

The world shifted back into focus, and he saw Levi watching him with pinched brows.

“Look,” Levi said, “just because you can’t feel sadness right now doesn’t mean you should try to
feel guilt.”

The problem was that he didn’t know what he was feeling—too much and nothing, all at once. At
least feeling guilt would give him focus.

He forced a smile. “My apologies, Levi. I should check in on Nanaba.”

“You don’t have to give me that fake smile.”

“Goodnight, Levi.” He bent forward to kiss his forehead, breathing in. He wished he could curl
around him, envelope him, inhale his scent from every surface of his body. His throat tightened,
and he finally realized what he was feeling: fragile. He quickly left the room, not making eye
contact, because seeing pity or concern in Levi’s eyes was certain to make him crumble.

He found Nanaba in the common sleeping area, curled into a ball on her bedroll. He knelt in front
of her.

“Are you going to be okay to ride with us tomorrow?” he asked, his voice low.

She nodded. “Just a little sore.”

“Please report to Mike immediately if your situation changes.” When he stood, his knees creaked.
“Get some sleep.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“That goes for all of you.” He turned to the other soldiers, who were playing cards and taking
drinks out of flasks he pretended not to see. “Lights out. Tomorrow morning, we will begin
exploring new territory—territory humanity hasn’t traversed in nearly five long years.”

As the soldiers around him murmured and began to douse lamps, Erwin rolled out his bedroll
against the far wall, ready to take his own advice. Every joint in his body was aching, and his
eyelids were heavy. He tried not to see that soldier saluting, but it replayed over and over in his
mind, a waking nightmare. Oswald. I don’t even know if he was on Mike or Levi’s squad.

He was just drifting to sleep when he heard boot steps. He rolled over, blinking. Levi was setting
up a bedroll beside him with one hand, holding a small candle with the other. Their eyes held.

“Bit cold tonight,” Levi murmured, smoothing out the bedroll. “You stink less than the rest of
these brats.”

“It is a bit chilly.”

He snuffed the candle, then Erwin heard him stretching out along the bedroll. Reaching into the
darkness, he found Levi’s shoulder. He pulled him in tightly, hugging him against his body.
“Erwin,” Levi breathed, too softly for anyone to hear.

“Please, just for a minute.” It was dark. No one would see. He breathed in the scent at the top of
his head, smoothing the slender back. He needed to hold someone living, feel his weight, his heft.
“Just for a minute.”

Levi’s hands tightened into claws on his back.

Nanaba was so pale the next morning that Erwin ordered her to ride beside him. He was beginning
to reconsider the possibility of a stomach flu—she kept disappearing from the group while they
were preparing to ride out, then returning several minutes later smelling of alcohol. She’s probably
using it as mouthwash after she vomits.

As they filtered through the gates, Levi rode up beside him. “We’ve got about two hours until we
get to the bramble. Easy ride until that point.”

“Let’s hope the titans Mike encountered didn’t wander west.” Erwin carefully clipped his flare gun
to his belt while the other soldiers assembled.

Luck was on their side. The ride was as easy as Levi had said, the road still clearly marked from
when it had been a major trade route before the fall. The flat landscape and cloudy day gave them
far better visibility than Erwin was accustomed to having, and while they spotted several groups of
titans, they had enough advanced warning to easily avoid them.

Around two hours in, just as Levi had said, the greenery around them began to change. Blackberry
bushes, unhindered by frequent horses and carts, had reclaimed the landscape in a thick carpet.
While the rest of the formation split into groups, Erwin rode as far as the thorns would allow, then
dismounted.

“Didn’t realize it was blackberry bushes,” he said. Most of them were taller than he was.

Levi dismounted beside him. “I’m not good with plants.”

“We used to have them in our yard when I was a kid.” Erwin felt that strange elastic snap in his
mind that sometimes happened when he was remembering his childhood. He saw Helena plucking
berries and dropping them into a pail, then saw Papa feeding Mama a blackberry, and he saw a pie,
and a red checked tablecloth … Never forget …

He blinked and turned to the cart drivers and Nanaba. “Blackberry bushes are quick to spread. We
need to clear at least a metre on either side of the road if we want this path to last us until the
reclamation effort.”

The order was met with a few mutters and groans, but the soldiers dismounted and pulled their
blades.

“We should just burn it,” a young soldier said.

Levi smacked the back of his head. “You feel how dry it is, brat? Hear that grass crunch under
your feet? You try to light this, you’re going to set this whole field on fire and roast us alive.”

Nanaba still looked so queasy that Erwin stationed her on her horse and gave her his signal flares.
They needed at least one person up high enough to view the field around them. He fell in beside
Levi, hacking at the thorns. True to his word, Levi was faster than any of them, spinning and
cutting his way through the bramble. Erwin allowed himself a glance his way every few minutes,
admiring Levi’s skill.

Even with the morning chill and cloudy sky, the work was gruelling. By the time they were fifteen
minutes in, Erwin’s shoulders and upper back ached. Sweat trailed down his temples and beaded
on his upper lip.

“Commander,” Nanaba said after about thirty minutes. He looked back, and she pointed east. “Red
flares, closing in.”

Erwin turned. “Levi.”

“On it.” Levi sheathed his blades and mounted his horse, riding east.

The other soldiers stared at Erwin, eyes round.

“Keep working,” he said, doing the same. “The sooner we get through here, the less attention we’ll
attract.”

Levi returned several minutes later, his cape and hair still steaming. “Four,” he said as he
dismounted. “Three-to-five metre. We got them all. No casualties. No others approaching.”

Erwin nodded, grateful.

It took nearly an hour, but finally, the path was clear. They cautiously moved the carts through,
pausing to carve through any lingering branches. Once they had cleared the other side, Erwin
nodded at Nanaba.

“Fire a green flare south.”

Green smoke shot into the air, and around them, its echoes.

They pulled up to the checkpoint mid-afternoon. The fence was badly damaged, so much so that
Erwin recruited a group of soldiers to help him with repairs while Mike and Levi did their
preliminary scouting.

Levi’s eyes were unusually bright when they returned from their afternoon scouting, even though
the news was bad: the path to the next checkpoint was crawling with titans. The officers spent
several hours discussing plans for the next day’s scouting and checkpoint repairs, then Erwin
dismissed the officers for their evening downtime.

Levi waited until the others had left, then moved in close. “We’re so close to Shiganshina.”

Erwin was hunched over a map on the table; he traced the route over and over with his fingertip,
trying to commit the features of the landscape to memory. “We are indeed. I suppose that’s why
you spotted so many titans on your scouting mission.”

“You led us here.”

Erwin looked up, brows rising. Levi’s eyes were still alight, and this time, Erwin realized they were
alight for him.

“I didn’t get here alone.”

“I was right to follow you.” Levi stepped closer. “I knew you’d be the one to lead us to freedom.”

“Levi?”

He stood on his toes and looped a hand around Erwin’s neck, tugging him down for a kiss. Erwin
closed his eyes and relaxed into it, marvelling for the thousandth time that a man so brutal on the
field could kiss so gently.

Their lips broke apart, but Levi didn’t pull away.

“I love you.” His whisper was breezy against Erwin’s damp lips.

The door slammed open.

They jumped apart, but it was only Mike in the doorway. “Erwin.”

Erwin stood tall. “Everything okay?”

Mike shook his head and stepped into the room. Nanaba leaned heavily against his side, clutching
her abdomen. Her face was red and streaked with tears.

Shit. “ Bring her here.” Erwin rolled up the map and set it aside. “Levi, you’re the closest thing we
have to a medic.”

“Fuck.” Levi dug through the cart of supplies in the corner and pulled out a medical kit.

Mike lifted Nanaba and set her on the table, wincing as she cried out.

“Take off her shirt,” Levi said, digging through the kit. “We need to see what’s going on.”

Mike’s face turned crimson.

“I’ll do it,” Erwin said as he gently tugged the woman’s arms away from her body. He pulled off
her jacket, trying not to jar her too much. “Lay back.”

She tried, then yelped, curling forward again.

“Mike,” Erwin said quietly.

The Squad Leader’s jaw clenched. He held out a massive hand. “Squeeze it. Hard as you need to.”

Nanaba looked up at him, sniffling, then wrapped her hand around his, her knuckles white.

“Now lay back,” Erwin said, and she grunted through clenched teeth, forcing herself back to the
table. She was squeezing Mike’s hand so tightly that his fingertips were turning purple, but he
didn’t make a sound.

Erwin lifted her shirt, pulling it up to the bottom of her breasts. A gash split her abdomen, marked
by black thread and fringed by red skin so inflamed that it was shiny.

“Shit,” Levi said. “What the hell happened?”

“We—” Nanaba began, but a hiccupping sob cut her off.

“Gelgar accidentally caught her with his blade on the second day, during a coordinated takedown,”
Mike said, barely audible. “She didn’t want him to get in trouble, so she stitched it herself. She was
using liquor to try to keep it clean.”

Levi leaned closer, grimacing. “Not a bad stitch job. But it’s infected. Look at those red streaks.”

Now Erwin saw them, crawling a few millimetres across her skin, toward her heart. Treating a
spreading infection was difficult enough in a hospital, let alone on the field without a proper medic.
His heart sank.

“This is why it’s imperative to report every injury—even if it seems like it’s under control, and
even if another soldier might get disciplined for it.” His eyes lifted to Mike. “I assume you smelled
the infection?”

Mike nodded. “It’s faint.”

“It’s barely spread,” Levi said. “Can’t tell how deep it goes, but you caught it early. Probably hurts
like hell, though.” He pulled out a syringe and a vial. “How much do you weigh, blondie?”

“Sixty,” Nanaba gasped.

“Start low,” Erwin said as Levi began to fill the syringe. “You can always increase later.”

“Yeah.” Levi injected the medicine into her shoulder. Nanaba’s hand began to relax, slowly
slipping out of Mike’s grasp. He gently lowered her hand to the table, but didn’t let go.

“Still with us?” Levi asked.

“Yeah,” Nanaba said, lips barely moving.

Levi looked up at Erwin and Mike. “I say we give her a bit more sedative, then rip out the stitches
and see what’s going on in there. We’ll have to cut out the infected parts and cauterize them.”

Mike’s eyes snapped open. “What?”

“We don’t need to cauterize,” Erwin said. “ A burn wound has a good chance of getting infected,
too. We need to clean the wound and get her to a hospital when we return.” If she hangs on that
long. It would be at least a week until they were back in Trost, likely longer.

“The infection’s barely started spreading,” Levi said. “We go aggressive, while we have the chance
to get it all, or we lose her.”

“What’s going on?” Nanaba mumbled, eyelids drooping.

Mike’s hand tightened around hers.

Erwin closed his eyes, considering. Nanaba had been with the Survey Corps even longer than Levi;
she had excellent precision and adaptability. They couldn’t afford to lose her. He set his jaw and
nodded. “I trust your assessment, Levi. Mike?”

The Squad Leader cursed softly under his breath, but nodded as well. He pulled a chair over and
sat, still holding Nanaba’s hand. “We’re going to cut out the infection,” he said softly.

Her head rolled toward him, her eyes ticking oddly, as if she were fighting to focus. “Cut?”

“It’s going to hurt. But it might save your life.”

She closed her eyes. “More drugs.”

 “Already working on it,” Levi said, carefully filling a syringe.

“I’ll start heating a blade,” Erwin said quietly. “Levi, are you comfortable handling the incisions?”

“No, but I’ll do it.”

They began their preparations, their faces grim.

Chapter End Notes

(Continued in Part 2, which was posted at the same time as this chapter!)
 Walls - Part 2
Chapter Notes

This chapter went up at the same time as chapter 29. Please make sure to read that one
first!

-30-

Walls (Part 2)

Twenty minutes later, Nanaba was unconscious and cloaked in sweat; a mishmash of burn scars
and stitches formed a thick band down the front of her stomach. Levi carefully dressed the wound
—there was no one else Erwin trusted more than him to keep a wound clean. Mike stood by the
bed, arms folded tightly over his chest.

“She’s going to be in a fuck load of pain when she wakes up,” Levi said. “We should keep her on
heavy sedatives for a few days, for her own good. Maybe if we’re lucky she won’t remember any
of this.”

Mike’s face twisted, and then he turned and strode from the room. Erwin watched him leave,
uncertain if he should follow.

Levi finished covering the wound, then pulled away, his lips pressed in a straight line. “I hope we
got all the infection out.”

“So do I. Are you okay?”

Levi shrugged. “You should ask Mike.” He pulled Nanaba’s shirt back down over her abdomen.
“He was crying when she screamed.”

“He was?” Erwin had been too distracted by the scream, and then by explaining the situation to a
worried Pehr, who had poked his head into the room.

“He’s really fucked up about this.” Levi looked up at him. “You think they’re screwing?”

“Mike and Nanaba?”

“Yeah. They’re always together.”

“It could be a close platonic friendship. I suppose it’s none of our business.” Erwin looked at the
door.

“Go ahead,” Levi said. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

Erwin kissed the top of Levi’s head. “You did a good job tonight.”

“A medic would have done better. I make up shit as I go along.”

And that’s exactly why you’re such a successful second in command. With one last shoulder
squeeze, Erwin turned away.

He found Mike leaning against the wooden fence outside, staring up at the sky. Mike’s shaggy
head half-turned to acknowledge his approach. Erwin leaned against the fence beside him. Without
the lights of the city, there were thousands upon thousands of stars visible in the night sky. Their
weight, as always, compressed him into a cold, tiny entity. We are so small …

“ All those times we smelled our comrades’ flesh burning on the pyre,” Mike said. “Wasn’t
pleasant to smell her flesh burning tonight. I’m not ready to smell that.”

Henrik’s corpse flashed through Erwin’s memory, but it was more distant than it used to be, as if
he were staring at a picture in a book instead of his own memory. He had seen so many corpses
since then, lost so many good soldiers. And I lit the fires that burned them.

“ I’m staying with her,” Mike said. “Until you guys come back through. She’s too weak to bring
with us to the next checkpoint.”

“We need you on the field. You’re the best warning system we have for approaching titans.” Erwin
shifted his stance. “Assign someone to stay here with her if you must, but you’re coming with us.”

“Fine,” Mike said, not looking at him. “Rhee twisted an ankle, so it’s best to keep her off her feet,
anyway. I’ll ask her to stay.”

“That sounds wise. I’ll have Levi show her how to care for the wound.”

A long silence followed.

“Most of us won’t live through the reclamation, will we?” Mike said quietly. “You, Nanaba, Levi.
Hange and Moblit. Lynne, Gelgar, and Dita. How many of you am I going to smell on the funeral
pyre before this is over?”

Erwin thought about giving a comforting answer, but Mike had a good nose for bullshit. “As many
of us as it takes. This will be the defining battle of our generation—of all humanity.”

Mike aimed a puff of air at his bangs, blowing them out of his eyes. “All this stuff I’ve been
putting off until after the reclamation … Starting to realize it’s not a milestone; it’s a hard stop.
After surviving all these years, I can't wrap my head around the idea we might not.”

“You and Nanaba … ” Erwin said.

Mike shrugged. “She can drop a titan unassisted, and she smells like fruit even when her stomach’s
full of pus. But if most of us are going to die in six months, what’s the point?”

Erwin’s stomach dropped out beneath him at the unexpected words. What’s the point? He saw a
wedding ring on a blue, slender finger. Am I fooling myself by dreaming of a future? “ Maybe the
point is clinging to any bit of happiness you can seize for yourself,” he said, trying to talk through
it.

“Yeah, easy for you to say. You’re different. You stay focused no matter how much strain you’re
under. There’s too much stuff I’m not feeling, and if I let myself feel anything at all, I’ll start
feeling it all at once and break down.” Mike shook his head. “No point seizing anything for myself
if it’s going to make me useless.”

“Then I suppose I’m lucky I’m so cold and unfeeling,” Erwin said to himself, and there was that
fragility again. He stood tall. “I’m going back inside. You?”

“I need a few minutes.”

“Sure.” Erwin squeezed his arm. Mike gripped his hand in gratitude.

As Erwin walked back to the building, he tried not to focus on Mike’s words, but they were still
rolling in his stomach like a ball of ice. You stay focused no matter how much strain you’re under
…

Levi was still sitting next to Nanaba, his face sunken. He looked up as Erwin entered. “You look
like shit.”

“You’re looking a bit rough yourself.” Erwin stepped closer. “Doing okay?”

Levi shrugged. “How’s Mike?”

“Needs some space.”

“I think … ” Levi’s jaw set as he stared at the unconscious woman. “I think I do, too.”

“Of course.” Erwin nodded at him. “I’ll watch over her.”

“Thanks.” Levi strode over to him and stood on his toes, kissing the underside of Erwin’s jaw.
“What about you?”

“Me?”

“Are you okay?”

He forced a smile, but couldn’t bring himself to speak.

Levi lowered himself to flat feet again. “I’ll come find you when I’ve had a minute. I’m thinking
… ” His throat bobbed. “I’m thinking it might be a bit cold again tonight.”

“I’ll do my best to keep you warm. But before you leave … ” Erwin bent down and straightened
Levi’s cravat; it had shifted off-centre during the medical procedure. Once it was tidy, he pulled
away.

Levi reached for the cravat, stroking it gently with his fingertips, as if appreciating Erwin’s
handiwork. “I’ll come find you,” he said, voice cracking, and then he stepped out of the room.

Erwin sat in a chair beside Nanaba, checking her pulse. Her eyelids fluttered.

“Mike?” she breathed.

“He’ll be back soon,” Erwin said gently.

“Commander.” A tear trailed down her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Are you in pain? Do you need more morphine?”

“No. I’m just tired.”

“Then go back to sleep. Your body needs to heal.” A sound at the door surprised him. He looked
up and saw Mike in the door frame. Mike shifted his weight to his other foot, brow furrowed.
“Someone’s here to see you,” Erwin said.

Nanaba’s head rolled to the side, and a corner of her lips lifted. “Squad Leader.”

Erwin stepped out, gripping Mike’s shoulder as he passed.

In spite of Levi’s promise to find him, an hour passed with no word. Erwin occupied himself with
one last set of rounds, checking on the soldiers on watch. Levi was nowhere to be seen, but he did
chance upon Gelgar sitting in a corner of the hallway, tightly hugging his upper body.

Erwin strode over and knelt in front of him.

“Sir,” Gelgar said.

Erwin kept his tone firm. “If you ever accidentally injure a fellow soldier, it is your duty to report
it to your Squad Leader. Any disciplinary consequences are minor compared to the consequences
of an infected wound. A clean cut could have been easily treated by a medic on the day it
happened, and this situation could have been prevented—it was foolish of you two to try to hide
it.”

Gelgar’s face paled. “Is she okay?”

“We’re doing everything we can. We’ll speak more about this when we return to Trost. For now,
focus on your mission. Stay aware of your surroundings at all times. Understood?”

Gelgar nodded.

“Good.” Erwin gripped his shoulder, then stood. “Have you seen Captain Levi?”

“He was in the stables earlier, Commander.”

That’s odd. He would have expected Levi to head to high ground.

But Levi wasn’t in the stables when he arrived, and more worrying, his horse was gone.

“Said he needed a moment,” said the stable guard.

“He left the checkpoint?”

“Said he wasn’t going far.”

Erwin’s jaw clenched. He strode to the fence.

A lantern was bobbing toward him from the road. He squinted, barely making out a horse and rider.

“Levi?”

“Yeah?” Levi dismounted, approaching the gate on foot.

“You left the base without permission?”

“I didn’t go far. Besides, it’s night time. The titans are all sleeping, or whatever the fuck they do.”
Levi stopped on the other side of the gate. “Came back to find you. There’s something I want to
show you.”
“There might be nocturnal abnormals.”

“There weren’t.” Levi cocked his head. “Come on. This is strategically significant.”

Erwin held his gaze .

“ Trust me,” Levi said, turning back toward his horse. “I wouldn’t put both of us at risk if I didn’t
think it was worth it.”

After a moment to weigh the options, Erwin decided to trust him. “We’ll be back shortly,” he said
to the stable guard. “Mike is in charge until we’re back.”

Levi mounted, and Erwin climbed into the saddle behind him. The horse began to trot toward a
grove of giant trees.

“You realize if we both die, the Survey Corps will be left leaderless,” Erwin said.

“We’re almost there.”

“Already?”

“I told you, it wasn’t far.” Levi paused, then added, “I needed to get away from there. Cutting into
human flesh doesn’t sit well with me.”

“I know,” Erwin said quietly.

The horse halted at the base of a tree, and Levi extinguished the lantern. The moon was almost full,
and Erwin’s eyes quickly adjusted. The moonlight lit the tree branches in flat greys.

“Take it slowly. Not much depth perception when it’s this dark.” Levi shot his grapple into the air,
latching onto a branch, and began to ascend.

Erwin followed. “Tell me what this is about.”

“A clear view of our goals.” Levi stopped on a thick branch near the top of the tree.

Erwin landed beside him and lifted his head.

“Holy Sina,” he whispered.

From this height, lit by the moon, he could see Wall Maria stretching across the horizon. He
wanted to speak; his throat was too tight. His knees were weak. He sank his grapples into the
branch above them to steady himself.

“Wall fucking Maria.” Levi glanced over at him. “It’s something, huh?”

“Yeah,” Erwin said, still breathless. “It’s something.” He had taken this wall for granted for so
many years; now, it was stunning. They had come so far since it fell, and here it was, at long last,
within riding distance. “Levi, we’re so close.”

“Thought the view might give you some insight when we’re route planning.” Levi sat on the
branch. “And some hope. It’s been a hell of a fight to get this far, and you’ve been down lately.”

Erwin sat down next to him, still struggling for words. “The last time we saw this, we were fleeing.
The world was falling apart.”
Levi was very quiet.

“You probably don’t remember.” Erwin leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “You were delirious
with fever.”

“I remember.” Levi’s voice was small, almost timid. “I remember everything. Haven’t thought
about it in a long time.”

“Neither have I.” Erwin’s eyes traced the wall as the screams of the dying, muted and dim for so
many years, rose clearly in his mind.

March 845

Shiganshina

Erwin landed on the roof of the Survey Corps base, breathing hard. Steam and sweat rolled down
his face. His squad members spun and ricocheted between the approaching titans, defending the
wall around the base, but they were badly outnumbered.

“Erwin.”

He turned to see Mike standing on the next rooftop over, holding open a hatch. With a nod, Erwin
blasted to the hatch and dropped down. He landed on his feet and broke into a full stride down the
hallway. Mike fell into step beside him.

“I’ll grab the files,” Erwin said. “Go to the infirmary. Gather the medical staff and the ill. Escort
them to a passenger ship.” He gave Mike a sharp gaze. “If it comes down to it, Levi is your top
priority.” Levi was more important to their cause than any single soldier, even Mike—he was as
strong as an entire squad.

Mike nodded. He fell back, taking a corner toward the infirmary.

Erwin set his jaw as he marched into Shadis’ office. He yanked open drawers. Sharp focus during
catastrophe was usually his strength, but his mind wasn’t accustomed to a catastrophe this extreme.
He was shaky, too shaky to remember Shadis’ instructions, and his vision was too blurred to read
the files properly. He began to throw every file he could find into a box.

Olga burst into the room. “Sir, we can’t hold them off much longer.”

He tossed a box at her. “Empty Anke’s files.”

“Sir.”

The top left drawer of Shadis’ desk was locked. Erwin braced his foot against the desk top and
drove a blade into the crack above the drawer, twisting and yanking hard until it opened. A single
folder lay inside; he set it atop the others, lifted the box and hurried into his office. Henrik’s
framed drawings—and a couple of his own—lined a shelf, but the box was nearly full. He grabbed
his favourite, tucking it into the inner pocket of his jacket. He tucked a book from his father in the
other side, then stashed a few handfuls of mementos into his pockets.

“Erwin.”
He looked up to see Mike in the doorway. “Do you have a status report?”

“Garrison must have evacuated the infirmary already. All except one.” Mike cocked his head for
him to follow.

Erwin lifted the box, an involuntary grunt escaping against its weight, then strode after him.

He found Levi in his assigned bunk, dressed in a plain white shirt and his pants, shakily fastening
the buckles of his 3DMG.

“Levi,” he said.

Levi looked up. His eyes were sunken and fogged with the same fever that had gripped him all
week, the one that had prevented him—and a handful of other soldiers—from coming on the
expedition. His skin was waxy with sweat, his cheeks as red as if they had been slapped.

“Remove your gear. You’re in no condition to fight,” Erwin said, even though, deep down, he was
impressed by his resolve. “Mike will carry you to safety.”

“Like hell he will,” Levi growled, squinting at the buckles as he continued his work. “People are
dying out there.”

“We’d prefer to keep you off the casualty list.”

“I’d rather die than hide away.” Levi looked up at him. “Let me help.”

Their gaze held. On the other side of the window, Erwin could hear the rumble of collapsing
buildings, and above that, screams. This may be our last stand, anyway.

“ Report to Captain Anke in the south-western quadrant,” he said. “Mike, go with him. I’ll join
you as soon as I deliver the Commander’s files to the docks.”

“Wait,” Levi said, opening a drawer. He pulled out a small bundle, wrapped it into his cravat and
shoved it into the box.

Erwin was going to say there was no room for personal possessions, but then he remembered the
trinkets stuffed in his pockets. He nodded. “Good luck, soldiers.”

The town was in chaos below him as he leapt from building to building. Civilians screamed at him
for help as he flew overhead, swarms of titans closing in on them. He set his jaw and kept moving.
He had his mission, and the box was too cumbersome to fight with. There were too many titans for
him to handle alone, anyway.

By the time he made it to the docks, he was hollow, the screams of the dying echoing between his
ears. Civilians flooded the docks, desperate to get on board, but the boat was already full. As it
began to set sail, people screamed and launched themselves at it, trying to grab onto the hull. The
Garrison forces struggled to hold them back.

Erwin passed the box to a senior-looking Garrison soldier, giving her strict orders to make sure it
found its way to Commander Shadis.

“Do you need help here?” he asked.

The soldier shook her head. “We’re not doing much good here, anyway. You’re better off clearing
civilians from the city.”
“We’ll take down as many titans as we can and buy your troops time to finish the evacuation.”
Erwin gave her a stiff salute, and she echoed it.

This time, without the box in his arms, he was free to help the civilians he had passed over before,
but now they were only blood spatters on cobblestone. Their screams still rang in his ears.

He found a smattering of Survey Corps soldiers in the southwestern quadrant of the city, attempting
to form a defensive blockade against the onslaught of titans pouring through the hole in the wall.
Levi and Mike were on the front lines, zigzagging between titans, working in tandem without
sharing a word. In spite of the chaos, Erwin felt a wave of hope. The titans are strong, but we’re
coordinated.

We have Levi.

The thought came out of nowhere, and struck him as unusual, but there was no time to examine it.
Anke and Berit stood on the apex of a building, hunched back-to-back, surveying the city. He
propelled himself toward them.

“Erwin. How’s the rest of the city looking?” Anke wheezed, out of breath.

“A bloodbath. The Garrison is coordinating the escape effort the best they can. We’re doing the
right thing by trying to stem the flow of titans into the city.” He strode closer, giving Berit a nod.
“How’s the knee holding out?”

“Not great,” Berit said, flexing her leg a couple times. “But I’ll live.”

“Where’s Keith?” Anke asked.

Erwin hesitated. “He gave me orders to retrieve files, then disappeared. I assumed he told you
where he was going.”

“Huh. I thought he told you. Probably some top-secret Commander protocol?”

“Most likely.”

She stood tall, still breathing hard. “Okay, I think I’m ready to get back out there. Ber?”

Berit nodded. “I’ve got your back, Captain.”

“Erwin, stick with your squad. They’re bound to get tired soon. Pull back to the boat if it gets too
messy. We need you to come out of this alive.”

He nodded and leapt toward his squad members.

Below him, Levi spun, taking out a titan’s nape with startling speed. For a moment post-kill, he
hovered, his eyes locking with Erwin’s. His gaze was lucid now, more lucid than it had been in
days, even though his skin was still waxy. Steam billowed behind him, ruffling his cloak and hair.

He’s a weapon, Erwin thought, awe flooding his body. Even violently ill, he has perfect control in
battle.

Levi’s eyes twitched to the gate, and Erwin saw four three-metre titans push through the hole, one
after the other. In his periphery, Mike began to move.

The three of them dove in unison. Mike took the titan on the right, Erwin the one next to it, and
Levi the two to the left. The titans fell into a steaming pile of remains, and two 5-metres entered
behind them. They were lined up so perfectly side-by-side that Erwin swooped down low behind
them, taking out all four Achilles tendons in one pass. As they fell, Levi and Mike descended on
the napes.

As the battle continued, Mike pulled away to rest on a rooftop, and then it was just Erwin and Levi.
Even Levi was flagging, breathing in loud, harsh gasps that Erwin heard whenever they passed
near each other. As if by silent agreement, they began to work together on titans instead of taking
them on solo.

One particularly troublesome six-metre broke free from the pack and began to charge toward the
city.

An abnormal, Erwin thought, but by the time he had registered it, Levi was already barreling after
it. He was about to land on its nape, when the titan spun. It swung at Levi; the palm connected.
Levi fell to the ground and rolled.

Levi! Erwin plummeted toward him, grabbing the back of his harness. He propelled upwards, just
in time; the titan’s hand slammed the ground where Levi had been moments earlier.

They landed on the rooftop next to Mike. Erwin set Levi down and knelt beside him, struggling to
catch his breath.

“Shit,” Levi said, rolling face-down. His body was shaking. “Shit!”

“Are you hurt?”

“Nothing broken. But I’m going to— Oh, fuck.” He began to wretch.

Mike dropped to a knee beside him, placing a hand on the back of the slender neck. He looked up
at Erwin. “His fever’s rising again.”

“I don’t care.” Levi wiped his mouth and rolled onto his back. “I’ll get back out there. Just give me
a sec.”

Erwin studied him for a moment, then turned to stare at the steady stream of titans pouring through
the gates. The other Survey Corps members had already pulled back—the ones who had survived,
at least. Half-eaten corpses littered the ground.

“The city is lost,” he said solemnly. “Pull back to the—”

A crack of thunder interrupted him, so deafening that it rumbled through his chest. His head
snapped in the direction of the noise: the docks. An unnatural yellow column of lightning crackled
in the air, then dissipated. The rumble ended a moment later.

The three of them stared silently at the empty space where the lightning had been. Erwin would
have thought he had imagined it, if not for the glowing blue afterimage in his vision.

“What the hell was that?” Levi muttered.

“Can you move?” Erwin asked.

Levi struggled to sit upright. “Yeah.”

“Mike, follow Levi and make sure he’s okay. Levi, follow me.” Erwin took a running leap off the
end of the roof, slammed his anchors into the next building, and then slingshotted down the alley.
He already knew what they’d find. When the gate to Shiganshina had been breached, he had heard
two deafening cracks; one was the gate blowing apart, but the other was unknown. This mysterious
lightning bolt would explain the other sound.

The enormous titan must have appeared at the entrance to Wall Maria.

If Wall Maria has been breached, humanity will starve.

He opened up the gas, jetting ahead at full speed. Below them, half-eaten victims screamed for
help.

“Keep moving,” he called to the others, even though he knew these screams would join the chorus
that still echoed through his mind.

“We have to help them,” Levi yelled, voice cracking.

“They’re bleeding out. We can’t do anything for them.” If his guess was correct, they’d have far
more victims waiting for them at the docks, ones they could actually defend.

His worst fears were confirmed when they reached the wall. Dust billowed from the gaping hole
that had once been a gate. On the other side, amid the crowd still trying to board the boat, stood a
titan unlike any Erwin had ever seen. It was at least fifteen metres tall, and covered with a hard,
rock-like substance.

Armour, he thought. It has a suit of armour. This was beyond his worst nightmares, beyond
anything he could have possibly conceived.

The boat pulled away from the shore. Titans streamed through the hole in the gate, stampeding
into the panicking crowds. Anke, Berit and the others frantically fought to hold the titans back
from the crowd.

“Protect the civilians!” Erwin roared as he, Mike and Levi dove in to join the battle.

We just have to hold out until the next boat arrives, he thought as he racked up kill after kill
alongside his fellow soldiers. Just one more boat. The next boat can hold the majority of the crowd.

But by the time the next boat appeared on the horizon, most of the crowd was already dead.

The volunteers from the Garrison and the Survey Corps were self-selected. No one ordered them to
stay behind, but no one ordered them not to, either. It was an unconscious agreement, a handful of
sacrifices so the remaining civilians and soldiers could get away on the final boat. They had all
dedicated their hearts to humanity above their own needs. They all knew who among them must
live, and who among them could be spared.

There was one exception: Levi. As Anke, Berit and Mike began to fall back to the boat, Levi glared
and dove deeper into the fray. Erwin hesitated, watching him.

“Erwin,” Anke yelled. “Fall back!”

He knew he was needed, but so was Levi.

“Levi,” he called, chasing after him. “Retreat.”

But Levi ignored him, giving a roar as he delivered a ragged cut to a titan’s weak spot.
“Levi.” Erwin perched on a stone lip above the destroyed gate. “That was an order.”

“The lives of my comrades are worth more than your orders.” Levi settled on the lip beside him,
eyes fiery with anger and fever. “Go save yourself. I’m not a coward. I’m not going to run away
while others die for me.”

“Do you think these people are dying so our strongest soldier can feed himself to the titans? You
have so much more to do. I promise you, you will save far more lives in the future by staying alive
than you would have by offering yourself in a sacrifice today.”

“So many have died,” Levi growled.

The boat’s whistle sounded; it was about to depart.

“You can’t undo their deaths, but you can stay alive to give them meaning. Every soldier who died
for us to reach this point has given you a gift. Do not throw it away.” Erwin leapt off the lip and
began to move toward the boat.

He glanced back a moment later and was relieved to see Levi following him.

Moments after they landed, the boat began to travel down its track. Erwin strode to the stern and
leaned against the railing, watching. The brave volunteers deserved to be remembered. He studied
their faces, trying to commit them to memory. I bet Henrik would have stayed behind, if he were
still alive. Would I have let him?

The image that rose in his mind wasn’t Henrik, but Levi. How would he feel, standing here,
watching Levi’s feverish form tire as he fought? How would he feel seeing the last, failed cut that
meant his energy had given out, the titans closing in around him? His heart ached: it would be such
a waste for the Survey Corps, for humanity. That man, that one single man, had so much left to do.
This wasn’t yet his time.

Anke leaned against the railing beside him. “This is it, isn’t it?”

He glanced at her, not sure how to respond.

“They coordinated an attack,” she said. “They’re intelligent. We’re screwed. The only reason
we’ve held out so long is they were stupid. What’s to stop them from doing the same to Rose and
Sina? And how are we going to feed everyone without all Wall Maria’s agriculture?”

“Maybe we lost enough people today that food won’t be an issue.”

She grimaced. “That’s fucked up, Erwin.”

“It’s our best-case scenario. If there’s not enough food to go around, we’re either going to see riots
and civil war, or a massive sacrifice of the population. I hope that our population shrank enough
that we won’t see either of those come to pass.”

“Fuck,” Anke breathed, shaking her head. “This is so fucked up. How do we play this? We have to
keep morale up.”

“No sign of Keith?”

“No, found out he was sent ahead on an earlier boat, probably headed for Mitras. We should expect
it will just be us for a few days.”
Erwin’s jaw clenched. “I think perhaps the best thing, for now, is to let everyone mourn the way
they need to. Once we reach Trost, there won’t be time to grieve.” All the fleeing citizens would
need food, shelter, and medical attention; the Survey Corps would be needed to help with that. He
dropped a hand onto her shoulder, squeezing hard. “We will keep fighting, Anke. This isn’t the
end. Just a setback.”

She nodded, looking unconvinced, but her tone was genuine: “Thanks.”

The sight of their comrades meeting their heroic end was becoming too much to bear. He saluted
them, then saluted Captain Anke, then walked away.

He found Levi and Mike huddled near the prow, a blanket around Levi’s shoulders. Mike was
saying something to him, speaking close and low. At least the two of them seemed to have formed
a bond during this ordeal. Levi had been something of a loner since his friends had died, eating
alone, barely speaking to anyone. It was important that he start making connections.

Erwin waited for what looked like a break in the conversation, then sat down on Levi’s other side.
Heat radiated unnaturally off his small body.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t let you stay, Levi.” He leaned his head back against the metal wall.

“They’re all dying.” Levi’s Underground accent was heavier than usual.

“We wouldn’t have saved this many lives without your help. For what it’s worth, I have a great
deal of respect for the strength and courage you showed today.”

Levi side-eyed him for a moment, then shrugged. “Well, you were pretty fucking strong. I didn’t
know you could fight like that—” An unpleasant expression crossed his face, as if he were
swallowing something bitter, before he finished the sentence: “Squad Leader.”

The unexpected show of respect felt like a verbal salute, and Erwin’s chest swelled, but he only
said, “‘Erwin’ is fine.”

Levi shrugged again. “You saved my life. When the titan hit me. I guess I should thank you.”

“You would have done the same for me.” He phrased it dismissively, but his stomach knotted as he
waited for the response.

Levi hesitated for a long while, as if considering, then said quietly, “Yeah, I would have.” He
seemed surprised by the words.

Erwin smiled. “I’m glad you’re coming to trust your fellow soldiers.”

“Well, you seem to know what you’re doing. Zacharius isn’t bad, either.” Levi glanced over at the
other man, who appeared to have fallen asleep.

“You showed great initiative and teamwork today, Levi. I know you’ve only worked one
expedition and a few scouting missions so far, but I want you to be a Team Leader during our next
mission.”

Levi looked surprised for a moment, but only said, “Are there even gonna be more missions now,
after all the shit that happened today?”

“There will always be more missions.” Erwin’s hands tightened into fists. “As long as we have
survivors, we will never stop fighting, down to the last soldier.”
“Huh.” Judging by the light in Levi’s eyes, he was impressed. Or maybe that was just the fever.

They sat quietly as the boat continued down the track, the sounds of chaos disappearing behind
them. Now Erwin could only hear the lingering memories of screams; they were so loud that he
almost wished for the real noise to block them out.

He pulled his knees to his chest and subtly placed a hand on his breast pocket, feeling the one
drawing of Henrik’s he had managed to save. He thought of lazy days between expeditions and
training, lounging on the back lawn in the sunshine, drawing together. Henrik’s beautiful drawings
had always put him to shame, but Henrik had always found something to praise about Erwin’s
artwork. That had been Henrik, through and through: finding the best in every situation. I wonder
what he’d find in this one?

“ Hey,” Levi said, annoyed.

Erwin opened his eyes and saw that Mike had passed out on Levi’s shoulder.

“Just give him a hard shove,” Erwin said. “He’s a heavy sleeper.”

Levi shoved, and Mike slumped against the wall outcropping on his other side. “How the hell can
he sleep right now?”

“Soldiers find sleep whenever we can. There will be much to do when we reach Wall Rose. You
should get some sleep, too. Especially because you’re ill.”

“I’m fine.” The haze had taken over his eyes again.

“You look like you’re getting worse.”

“Maybe. I think I’m going to puke and shit myself at the same time, and the whole boat is
spinning. But there are bigger problems.” Levi was quiet for a moment. He inhaled as if to speak,
then closed his mouth again.

“Something on your mind?” Erwin asked.

“It’s just … ” Levi shifted to sit cross-legged, leaning forward on his knees. “How the hell do you
stay so calm? How do you stop caring about all those people who died back there?”

“You mean in general, or me, personally?”

“You, Erwin Smith. You didn’t care when Isabel and Farlan and Flagon died. You didn’t give a
shit about all those civilians dying around us back there. I don’t … ” His head bowed. “I don’t want
to care anymore. Tell me how you stop feeling. Is it something I can learn?”

The screams of the dying grew louder in Erwin’s ears. He thought of Levi’s tears when his friends
had fallen. He thought of Henrik, the terror on his face as giant teeth closed around him, the clawed
hand reaching out of the funeral pyre: Erwin! He gripped the frame through his jacket, his knuckles
white.

“Over time, you learn to build walls around your emotions, walls with a door you only unlock
when it’s safe to do so. Some days the walls are thicker than others. Some days you accidentally
pack them too full, and they burst. It’s a difficult balance to learn, when to feel and vent, when to
stash feelings away for later.”

The frame was hard in his hand, even through the fabric of his jacket. Unbending. Unyielding. He
envied it, envied Henrik for finding rest before this tragedy. Henrik never had to feel these strained
walls, worn thin, ready to burst.

“I feel everything, Levi,” he said, no longer in control of what he was saying. “At night, when I’m
drifting to sleep, I see the staring, dead eyes of every soldier we’ve ever lost, your friends among
them.”

Levi turned to him, eyes narrow. “You didn’t give a shit when they died.”

“I needed you to see me as unyielding while you were completely vulnerable. I needed to make
sure you attacked me then, so you wouldn’t attack me later. It was a power play, Levi.” He held
that gaze, noticing, for the first time, the cold, silver-blue sheen in his irises, like moonlight and
shadow. “Duty must come before emotion if we are to defeat the titans, always. I live my life by
that code. But I feel everything, no matter how well I pretend I don’t.”

Levi was still staring, and now Erwin was imagining milk clouding those moonlit eyes, the skin
turning grey, the lips dried and shrivelling. The thought closed around his heart with so much
pressure that he thought it would buckle. Humanity needs him, he thought, but beneath that was a
voice that would not be drowned out, one he wasn’t ready to acknowledge: and so do—

He stood, eager to get away from the intrusive thought. “Get some sleep, Levi. There will be a lot
of work to do, and we need you to be healthy.”

“Yeah, I’ll try,” Levi said, and there was softness to his voice that hadn’t been there before.

Their eyes locked, holding several moments too long, and then Erwin turned away.

September 849 (present day)

“Everything changed,” Levi said softly.

Erwin blinked at the words, looking sideways. Levi slid closer, reaching for his hand.

“We’re going to get it back.” Erwin’s eyes narrowed at that glowing goal in the distance. “We’re so
close.”

“The base is going to need a lot of cleaning and repairs, after all those years. Wonder if the rest of
my stuff’s still there?”

“It may be several more years before we attempt to take back Shiganshina and the other outcrop
districts, if we ever do. Our main goal, for now, is to reclaim the main body of Wall Maria.” He
hadn’t considered reclaiming the old base. Most of the soldiers who had shared the space with
them were dead now …

“You brought something with you when we left that day,” he said, trying to keep the conversation
light. “Something wrapped in your cravat.”

“That wooden dog carving my friend gave me a long time ago.” Levi shrugged. “Didn’t have much
else to my name, anyway.”

“I see.” The phantom screams were getting louder, and his walls were thin and so close to bursting
that they were throbbing. Here was the goal, right in front of them, and the only thing between it
and them was his reclamation plan.

Levi frowned at him. “What is it? You look like you have to take a shit.”

The walls burst. “Sahlo’s right.”

“What?”

“About me. When he told you I don’t have a plan for Wall Maria, but I want to be the one to think
of it.”

Levi’s eyes and mouth were round. “But you have a plan.” There was an implied, don’t you? at the
end.

Erwin’s throat was so tight that his voice was hoarse. “I do, but it’s horrifying. It sacrifices far too
many lives. I’ve tried for months—years—to think of a better plan, and I hoped by the time we
reached the Wall, everything would fall into place, but it hasn’t. And no one’s questioning me
except Sahlo; they all assume I’ve got a meaningful strategy ready. They all trust me. We have one
shot at this before all our efforts are wasted, and the closer we get to the deadline, the more I
realize we aren’t ready. And yet, if we don’t push forward, thousands will starve.” He had hoped
venting this would make him feel better, but he felt even worse.

Levi was quiet.

Erwin pulled his hand away and sat on the branch, staring at the Wall, grey in the moonlight, the
colour of the dead. “Imagine it, Levi: all three regiments hurtling forward on a plan I don’t believe
in myself. Imagine them failing, our one shot slipping through our fingers. All those soldiers I’ve
fed to the titans, sacrificed for nothing. And yet I’m too cowardly to ask the other Commanders for
their feedback, not just yet. It isn’t hubris, like Sahlo thinks, or at least not only hubris. Mainly, it’s
fear. If I present it to them and they have no suggestions—if it truly is our best plan—it means
humanity’s chances are just that grim.” He shook his head. “I’ve lost hope.”

After a moment, Levi said quietly, “Tell me your plan.”

“Levi—”

“I’m not as smart as Pixis or Zackly. If I don’t have suggestions, it doesn’t mean there’s no better
alternative. But I can let you know if it’s as bad as you think. Maybe Sahlo just got under your skin,
made you second-guess yourself.”

Erwin’s chest was tight, but he pushed through it. If there was one thing he could count on from
Levi, it was keeping him honest.

“The main body of the three regiments will travel along the road we’re on now.” He used his hands
to illustrate the movements, drawing a map in the air. “Meanwhile, a small party will use the
elevator in the northernmost district to transport cart after cart of sand and rubble to the tracks atop
the wall, as well as defensive cannons. This party will face the harsh winds and exposure of the top
of the wall to move the carts and cannons more than a thousand kilometres to Shiganshina. The
Colossal Titan is, to date, the only one that can reach the top of the wall, so the casualty rate should
be low.

“These two groups will meet at the hole in the gate. While the majority of the soldiers battle titans
to keep them clear of the wall, the party atop it will drop the debris in front of the hole, effectively
burying it and blocking it from approaching titans. We don’t know if they can tunnel through it,
but it’s certain to at least slow them down, and may convince them to go after decoy soldiers
instead of the repair party.

“All this will buy time for a repair party on the near side of the hole to build a proper gate. It will
have to be built in stages to make it as effective as possible, as quickly as possible—a metal mesh,
at first, to temporarily keep the titans out while it can be reinforced with stone and more metal.

“The loss of life is going to come from defending the gate during this repair process. The longer
we can keep the titans away from the gate, the more time we’ll have to build a solid blockade.
Once the gate is repaired, it becomes a matter of exterminating all the living titans trapped within
Wall Maria so that it can once again be occupied. That is sure to take its toll on our numbers as
well.”

He paused to gauge Levi’s reaction; his face was expressionless.

“It’s the best plan I’ve been able to come up with,” he finished.

“It’s not bad,” Levi said. “We all know a lot of people are going to have to die. At least you’ve
thought of a way to put up a temporary blockade until we can get the more permanent one in
there.” He paused. “You want the rubble party to go north, but we’ve never scouted north of
Utopia District.”

“No. Utopia District hasn’t even seen a titan in recent memory, so I don’t expect that party to
counter anything hostile, save for the weather. But … ” Erwin grimaced. “I’ve been pondering this
for several days now: a scouting mission up north may have to be my next assignment for you,
after we’ve finished stocking these remaining checkpoints. There will be winter conditions, so a
small party will be best, as you won’t be able to travel fast. It’ll be low risk so long as you’re
prepared for winter conditions, but it will take time.”

Levi paused. “Before or after Ehrmich?”

“After. Winter begins early in the north and runs late, so timing won’t matter so much; it will be
difficult no matter when you go.” He leaned forward. “Once our current mission is complete and
we return to Trost, I’ll head to the Capital with Hange to arrange the final checkpoint mission and
meet with weapons investors. Then you and I will head to Ehrmich for a few days, then return to
Trost to finalize plans for the year’s final expedition.”

“A few days?” Levi said, brows pinching. “I thought we were going to try for a week.”

“If we take more than a few days, I fear we’ll be risking frost on the ground for the next mission.”
Erwin lifted his hand and kissed a knuckle. “I promise we won’t spend any time on work while
we’re there: you’ll have my undivided attention, and I’ll have yours.”

After a pause, Levi said, “Understood. Keep going.”

“We finalize our plans for the last expedition of the year, then leave in mid-October. During that
mission, we set up the final two checkpoints, then return to Trost. From that point, you would take
your scouting team north for a few weeks as we discussed, returning in time for Christmas.”

“I thought you wanted scouting data from Shiganshina before the winter,” Levi said quietly.

“I did, but seeing the titan population in this area has me second-guessing the risks versus the
rewards. A traditional scouting formation would be vulnerable, given the large titan population. If
the weather permits, I can send Mike down here with a small, mobile team—his nose can alert him
of approaching titans and, hopefully, keep everyone safe. His nose would be useless in the north,
where titans aren’t the main threat, so it makes more sense to send you north, and him south.”
Erwin paused. “Besides, with so many titans streaming in through the walls, titan movement
patterns around here aren’t going to help us as much as I originally thought. Gather what
information you can over the next several days—it will be sufficient to give us a general idea about
the state of this area.”

“Okay,” Levi said. His legs swung, heels kicking the branch. “So I’m going to be gone for a month
or two, huh?”

“Possibly. During that time, I’ll be in the Capital finalizing plans with Zackly, Pixis and Nile,
anyway. I suspect … ” His voice wavered. “I suspect we won’t see much of each other for a
while.”

When Levi finally spoke again, he was quiet: “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

Erwin’s blood ran cold. “What?”

“Look … ” Levi pulled his hand away and drew his knees to his chest. “All those times we’ve
talked about you having walls, or a mask, or whatever you want to call it … We both know it’s an
important part of being Commander, to block out your emotions and focus. Humanity needs you to
hold it together. And lately … ”

Erwin turned to look at him. Levi was hunched into a ball, very small. “Lately?”

“When you’re with me, you fall apart.”

“What?” Erwin asked again, too shocked for eloquence.

“When we have sex, or even when we talk honestly, you break down. We can’t … you can’t do
that. Especially not right now.” Levi shrugged. “So maybe it’s good that I won’t be around to
distract you.”

“You have it backwards,” Erwin said, his stomach hollow. “You keep me from falling apart. You
let me vent. You remind me I’m human.” He paused. “Have you lost confidence in my leadership
abilities?”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course not. It’s just, you have so little time, and I keep selfishly taking up
more than my share. How long does it take you to collect yourself after I make you fall apart?”

Reality sank in Erwin’s stomach, cold and heavy. Every time he lowered his barriers lately, they
were a little heavier, a little harder to fit back into place. He studied Levi’s face, blue in the
moonlight, long lashes, pinched brows.

“I need you,” he said, voice cracking.

Levi turned to study him. “Do you actually? Or do you just want to need me?”

“Levi … ” Erwin leaned forward, their foreheads pressing together.

“It’s like you said: duty must come before emotion if we are to defeat the titans. Always.” A tear
trickled down Levi’s cheek.

“Not always. I was miserable then. Lonely. It’s like Shadis told me: I was losing my grip on my
humanity. If I had continued on that path, I would have burnt out long ago.” Erwin rested a hand on
the back of Levi’s neck. “There’s something very important you give me, Levi. Something you’ve
given me since the very beginning: hope. Even when I feel hope slipping away, you remind me
that we have a fighting chance. Look where we are right now, why you brought me here.” He
closed his eyes. “You inspire me. You ground me, keep me human.”

It should have been a confession that left him feeling warm, but that ball of ice was still cold in his
stomach. Levi gripped the back of his neck and gave a small sniffle, his grip so tight that Erwin
knew he was feeling the same way.

I need you. He lunged forward, mashing their lips together, chasing after even a spark of warmth.

Levi jerked away, pressing a hand to his chest to stop him. “At least let me chew some mint first.”

“I don’t care.” Erwin shifted on the branch, half-facing him, and pulled Levi in under his chin.
Wiry arms wrapped around him, so tightly that it was difficult to breathe.

“I need you,” he whispered into the dark hair. It smelled like smoke and the outdoors and sweat. “I
want you. Here.”

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, sounding like he agreed. “But you’ll get shit all over your dick and get it
infected.”

“I’m sure you’re fine, but I’ll clean up carefully. I’ll even use some of my water ration to rinse
off.” He closed his eyes, breathing in his warmth. “Please, Levi. I want to show you I won’t fall
apart. I want to be close to you here, with our freedom in clear view.”

Levi kissed the tip of Erwin’s nose. “How do you want me?”

“Stand up.”

They stood. Erwin turned Levi to face the tree trunk. “Make sure you have an anchor.” The branch
seemed sturdy, but it was best to be safe—this would be a humiliating way for either of them to
die.

Levi sank his anchors into the trunk. Erwin stood behind him and adjusted his anchors, too, so the
wires weren’t in the way. He unhooked Levi’s lower straps from his belt, ensuring his upper body
was still safely in the harness, and pulled Levi’s pants down.

Levi shivered. “Cold out here without pants on.”

Erwin rubbed his palms over the bare skin. “That better?”

“A bit. Does it stink?”

“No, you smell good.” The scent of his sweat was strong. Erwin reached into his breast pocket and
pulled out a bottle of lubricant, slathering it onto two fingers. He leaned forward, kissing the back
of Levi’s head, as he smoothed the fingers down from the tailbone.

“Doing okay?” he asked, noticing tension in Levi’s body. He kissed a line across his nape.

“You feel any mess there?”

“No, you feel soft and warm.” Erwin leaned against him, rutting slightly against one side of Levi’s
ass.

“You’re that hard already?”

“I want you.”

Levi shivered. “I want you, too.”

Erwin gently pushed with one fingertip, and he heard himself groan as Levi began to swallow him.
“Fuck.”

“Stay quiet. Is it okay?”

“Yeah, it’s good. It’s so good.” Erwin was already aching. He kissed the back of Levi’s head. “I
need you, Levi. My right-hand man. My Captain.”

“You’re embarrassing,” Levi said gruffly. He pushed back against him, taking his finger the rest of
the way in. “Oh, shit.”

“Good?”

“Yeah. So good.”

Erwin bent down to kiss the side of Levi’s neck at the same time. He tasted salty, and musky, and
like earth. “Oh god, you’re so warm.”

Levi let out a half-gasp, half-moan, his hands pressing flat against the tree at shoulder width,
bracing himself. “I’m ready. Go in.”

Erwin pulled out and undid the front of his pants, stroking himself with oil. He slowly guided
himself in, and Levi gasped, and then they were one. Erwin paused at the hilt, pulsating, and a
ripple ran through Levi and into him.

“Fuck,” Levi breathed.

Erwin was grateful for the wires, because he was dizzy. He reached around to grip Levi with his
clean hand.

Levi tensed. “Shit!”

“Not so loud.” Erwin bit his ear, then whispered into it, “Thrust into my hand.”

Levi gasped and began to move, and Erwin timed his thrusts to meet him, pushing in deep. He
could feel the connection between them in every movement: he would twitch, and Levi’s muscles
would throb around him, then Levi would twitch in his hand. They were working perfectly as one,
as connected as they had been the day Wall Maria had fallen, communicating without exchanging a
word.

A cry rose in his throat, and he bit hard into the back of Levi’s jacket collar, muffling himself. Levi
was panting in the same rhythm, the air forced out of him with each thrust.

“Shit,” Levi gasped. “Erwin, I’m— Fuck!” He bucked back against him, his body shuddering.
Erwin carried him through it, then slowed, pausing to catch his breath.

“Fuck.” Levi turned his head so he could see Erwin from the corner of his eye. “You close?”

“Yeah.”

“Keep going.”
Erwin’s brows rose. “Won’t that be uncomfortable?”

“It’s fine. Keep going. Just don’t come inside me.” Levi reached back between his legs and gently
gripped Erwin’s testicles. A shock of pleasure jolted through him. He began to move again,
fighting to keep his movements gentle, knowing Levi would be sensitive so soon after coming.

“Harder,” Levi said, tugging. The sensation was too intense, and Erwin suddenly found himself
barrelling toward the end.

“Oh, shit. ” He batted Levi’s hand away and frantically pulled out, aiming off the branch. A foot
slipped; he felt a strong hand clamp into his shoulder, holding him upright while his world
disappeared beneath a surge of warmth.

When his muscles finally stopped twitching, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

“That really flew,” Levi said, helping him stand. “We should’ve both gone off the branch, seen
whose went further.”

Erwin’s cheeks burned. “I wasn’t sure what to do with it.”

“No, that was better than having come drip out my ass with no bath in sight. Kind of hot in a
creepy way, too, seeing it glint in the moonlight like that. I just hope you missed my horse.”

Erwin tried to smile, but his face was leaden. He slowly sank to a crouch, eyes locked on Wall
Maria. The ball of ice was still in his stomach, and post-orgasm fatigue made it harder to ignore.
He heard the phantom screams from the victims of Shiganshina, from Nanaba. He thought of their
colleagues on the funeral pyre, the fires he had lit with his strategies and sacrifices—

“Shit,” Levi muttered, sitting beside him. “I told you it fucks you up when we do this.”

Erwin glanced at him and saw his eyes milky in the moonlight, skin stained grey like death.

“Don’t worry, Levi. I’m fine,” he said aloud, the taste of burning flesh thick on his tongue.
 Endgame
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you again for all your support, and for reading this far! I wrote much of
this using a speech-to-text program, so I apologize for really weird typos. (Things like
"save" and "move" in the middle of nowhere, for example.) I think I caught them all,
but I'll do another read-through soon...

Also I'm so so so sorry I'm so far behind on replying to comments. T_T I'll do my best
to catch up ASAP. I appreciate EVERY SINGLE ONE so very, very much!! Thank
you!!!

I'd like to give a big thank you to telleroftales-weaverofdreams for a cute little
illustration & transcript of a conversation that might have come up between Hange,
Levi and Erwin after Hange was certain of their relationship. Thank you! -huugggssss-
http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/123347163331/

Previous 2 chapters: Erwin's timeline for reclaiming Wall Maria is tight: he wants to
reclaim the Wall in time for the next harvest season to address the massive food
shortages that are about to grip their world. Sahlo, however, wants to push out by
several months to allow for the development of proper weaponry. After pretending to
accept Sahlo's silo fetch mission - one that would offset Erwin's schedule - Erwin and
Levi head out on their true mission: to restock two of the four remaining checkpoints
en route to the Wall. Nanaba is severely injured. Erwin and Levi see the Wall for the
first time, and it reminds them of the day it fell.

-31-

Endgame

Levi draped an arm around Erwin’s ribcage and moved in closer, nuzzling between the broad
shoulder blades. He closed his eyes, savouring Erwin’s early-morning scent: an aura of faded
cologne, a hint of soap, a strong layer of sweat and sex, and, beneath it all, his natural musk. Blood
rushed between Levi’s legs, and he shifted.

Maybe we have time for something quick . Even as he thought it, his body throbbed in protest. The
combination of a soft bed, the post-expedition energy, and the knowledge they would soon be
separated had fanned the flames between them, and the night had passed in a blur of arching backs
and muffled groans.

A shiver rippled through him; he shifted closer.

“Mm.” Erwin pressed back against him. “Just give me a few more minutes.” The gravel in his
voice made Levi shiver again.

“You have a carriage to catch.” He pulled away to run his fingertips down Erwin’s spine, feeling
the soft hair that thickened, culminating in a blond layer across his ass.

“Mm.” Erwin shifted again, goosebumps rising across his back. “Did you want something, Levi?”

Levi dragged his tongue across the pebbled skin from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. “My ass is
fucked out, but my dick might still be working.”

“Such poetry.” Erwin twisted and rolled until he lay halfway on top of him. Their gaze held. His
hands stroked down either side of Levi’s face. “Levi.”

“Yeah?”

A thick finger slid down his nose. “You have such a delicate nose.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you being so sentimental? Did you hit the headboard one too
many times?”

Erwin smiled and traced his cheekbones with his thumbs, leaning in for a gentle kiss. Warmth
surged through Levi, and the body weight reminded him of Erwin riding him earlier that morning,
abdomen and thighs clenching in the dimming candlelight. A pleasant memory, but his groin
throbbed, and not in a good way.

He let out a low groan and pulled away. “I think my dick’s fucked out, too. I could give you a blow
job.”

Erwin nipped at his bottom lip, and then pulled back. “Tempting, but I fear my drive has outpaced
my body.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to wait until Ehrmich. Don’t take too long in the Capital.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Erwin gave him a long, deep kiss, then rolled out of bed. He ran a
hand through his hair; it still stuck in all directions. “While I’m gone, I want you to start talking to
merchants about the food supplies we need for the final two silos. You’ll find a file on your desk
that has a full list. I need price estimates.” He retrieved his underwear from the bedside table and
pulled it on. “You might want to consider sending Nana—” He cut himself off. “Petra or Eld.”

Levi tried not to think about Nanaba, bedridden in the san. “Why?”

Erwin bent down to pick up his pants, crumpled in the far corner; he shook them out, then pulled
them on. “Well, Mike would startle our potential vendors by sniffing them. And there’s a chance
you might come across as too abrasive. They’re going to be skittish about providing supplies
during a time of food shortage. We have to be careful not to offend them.”

“What?” Levi said, offended. “I can talk to merchant pigs just fine.”

“That phrasing doesn’t give me a lot of confidence in your ability to know your audience.” Erwin
strode over to his shirt, crumpled on top of the dresser.

Levi held out a hand. “Toss that here.”

“My shirt? Why?”

“You don’t need to wear that to walk to the baths. The armpits are getting disgusting and yellow—
I’ll wash it for you, bleach the shit out of it.” The truth was he liked sleeping in Erwin’s shirts
while he was away; they made for large, cozy sleeping shirts, and they smelled like him.
Erwin’s smirk showed he saw right through him. He tossed the shirt.

Levi caught it one-handed, ears burning. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

They made their way to the baths, conversing, for the sake of the other soldiers, as if they had just
happened to bump into each other in the hallway. They chatted strategy with Mike while they
bathed in the warm water, then stood in front of the mirrors, towels wrapped around their waists,
and lathered their chins with shaving cream. Levi began to shave.

Erwin, however, rested his razor on the sink.

Levi glanced over. Erwin seemed to be locked in the gaze of his own reflection, his jaw visibly
tight.

So there’s the fallout. Levi had been watching for it since their return. Fifteen deaths out of forty
soldiers, and Nanaba was still at risk of being a sixteenth while her wound and burns healed. The
night had been such a frenzy of sex, foreplay, cuddling, and sleep that there hadn’t been room for
Erwin to have his usual post-orgasm break down.

“Hey.”

Erwin glanced sideways at him, then back at the mirror. His razor hand rose slowly to his face, as
if it were heavy.

Levi’s chest ached. “Pin all this on Sahlo,” he said, more fiercely than he intended.

Erwin leaned forward, shaving his upper lip, but didn’t respond. His silence was even more
painful; it was as if he were too exhausted to bother with platitudes. Levi’s hands balled into fists.

“Fuck it. I’m coming with you.”

“No, I need you here.” Erwin rinsed the blade in the sink. “It’s vital that Hange comes with me to
secure investors for our reclamation weaponry. Besides, I’m counting on you to make sure we
secure the supplies for the next mission, and, even more importantly, to ensure morale stays high.”
He leaned in close and said quietly, “I expect Mike to be largely compromised until Nanaba is on
her feet again. You may end up shouldering a lot of his duties in addition to your own.”

“Fine.”

If Erwin noticed his frustration, he ignored it, shaving in silence.

They returned to their rooms to change into clean uniforms, then Erwin stepped into Levi’s room.
They shared the large mirror over the dresser, styling their hair and their neckpieces. Once they
were finished, Levi, caught up in their daily routine, began to stride for the door, but a strong hand
caught his arm.

“This is our last moment in private before I leave. I’ll be heading straight to the carriage from
breakfast.”

Levi turned. Erwin’s face was rock hard, but his eyes were sad.

“You okay?” Levi stepped in closer.

“My mind keeps circling back to the conversation we had the night we saw Wall Maria for the first
time.” Erwin fixed on Levi’s cravat as he adjusted its ruffles.

So it hadn’t just been Levi’s imagination: something had shifted between them that night, an
unidentifiable change in their dynamic. He still couldn’t figure out if it had left them closer, or
more distant, or both at the same time. Even last night, there had been an undercurrent of
melancholy to their lovemaking. Maybe it was the reminder that the reclamation was becoming a
reality, and, as Erwin so frequently pointed out, they were both unlikely to survive. Or maybe it
was the reminder of what they had been to each other when the Wall had fallen, of how thoroughly
they had gotten under each other’s skin since then.

Levi gripped Erwin’s hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing a knuckle. “We’ll figure it out when
we’re in Ehrmich. Focus on Sahlo and keeping shitty four eyes under control. I’ll be here when you
get back.”

One corner of Erwin’s mouth lifted into a smile—a sad one, but at least more genuine than his
default polite smile. “I suppose the two of them will keep me occupied. Especially Sahlo.”

“Yeah.” He needs me. I should be going with him. Levi reached into his boot. “Take my knife.”

Erwin’s brows furrowed. “That’s not necessary.”

“Yes, it is.” Levi held out the knife. “Hold it with a reverse grip, the way I hold my blade, but with
your thumb on top of the hilt. More speed and control that way. Make a sideways punching motion,
like a hook. Aim here.” With his free hand, he tapped his own throat, ignoring the panic that
always arose when he thought of his throat being slit.

“What do you think is going to happen while I’m away?” Erwin asked, his tone gentle.

“If Sahlo’s getting desperate, he might try something drastic.”

Erwin gripped the blade and threw an experimental slice at the air. His technique was perfect. Of
course he knows how to use a knife, Levi thought, feeling stupid.

But Erwin didn’t call him out for being over-protective. Instead, he stored the knife in his boot,
caught Levi’s chin, and lifted it. Levi stood on his toes to meet him halfway for a slow kiss.

“Thank you, Levi.”

“It’s fine.”

They fell into step in the hallway, Levi following slightly behind.

“I’ve left a few personnel notes on your desk for your review,” Erwin said. “I feel the recent
expedition gave us some headway on selecting a new Squad Leader.”

“Dita?”

“Yes. He’s still a bit junior, but seeing Pehr on the field reminded me about how busy the logistics
team will be as we approach the Wall. We may be able to start training Dita now, then assign him
the 104th recruits that join us in the spring.” Erwin nodded at a few saluting soldiers they passed in
the hall. “While I’m away, I want you and Mike to delegate some responsibilities to Dita and
record how he handles them. I’ve left more information in my notes.”

“Sure.”
They grabbed trays of food and settled at their usual table. Hange and Moblit were already seated.
Moblit’s eyes were sunken, and he barely looked up to greet them—unusual for him, given that he
was usually respectful of his superior officers, perhaps, in part, to counterbalance his Squad
Leader’s usual lack of respect.

Hange, on the other hand, stood and saluted.

“All packed and ready, Commander.”

“You brought formal wear for the gala tonight?” Erwin asked.

“Sir.”

“Sit down and knock off all the formal crap,” Levi said. “You’re fucking annoying.” He hated the
pretentious, wasteful galas at the Capital, but he hated not being at Erwin’s side at them even
more. They were a duo, winning the approval of potential sponsors, fighting for the Survey Corps
cause. Sometimes Nile and Marie would be there, which meant a lot of drinking and a chance to
sling insults at Nile faster than he could defend himself. It was wrong for Erwin to attend a gala
without Levi by his side.

“Aw.” Hange crouched to Levi’s level. “Grumpy because you aren’t coming with us? Don’t worry,
little fellow. I’ll take good care of him for you.”

He reached out, grabbed the auburn ponytail and yanked. “Call me ‘little’ again.”

“Levi,” Erwin said firmly. He gave Hange his polite smile. “I’ve made a list of the nobles we
should be sure to speak with at the gala tonight. I’ll brief you in the carriage.” He paused and
glanced at Moblit, as if taking in the sunken eyes. “Though I imagine you’ll want to sleep a bit
during the journey, too. No sleep again last night?”

“Breakthrough with the metal alloy improvements,” Moblit mumbled.

“I’ll make sure Scribbles takes some time off while you’re away,” Levi said. Hange seemed to
thrive on curiosity alone, but normal humans needed at least a couple hours of sleep to recharge.
Poor Moblit had been run ragged for months. Hange was like Erwin: when either of them got
caught up in an idea, they drove forward with it at any cost. The difference was that Hange was too
oblivious to notice how it impacted everyone else involved, while Erwin noticed it and shouldered
it with the rest of his guilt. During the last few days of their mission, Erwin had described to him a
ball of ice heavy in his stomach, a dread about what was to come. Levi’s anxiety burned hotter and
was higher in his chest, almost at his throat.

He slid his boot under the table to rest against Erwin’s. This might be our last physical contact
before he leaves.

They finished their breakfasts, and then Erwin briefly addressed the soldiers, stating that Levi was
in charge during his absence. A few minutes of moving luggage to the carriage, and then they
stood before each other.

Levi was surprised to feel loneliest here. The man he loved was still right in front of him, but they
both wore their professional faces, so there was no possibility to say anything meaningful, even
with their eyes. We should have a code phrase we say at times like this, something that means ‘I
love you’, that no one else will know.

Erwin reached out to grip his shoulder. “Take care of the base while I’m gone, Captain. I’m
counting on you.”
“Yeah. Good luck with those smug bastards at the Capital.”

Erwin nodded, turned and joined Hange in the carriage. Levi watched until the carriage disappeared
down the road.

It wasn’t until Erwin stepped into the carriage that he realized he and Hange had never spent much
time alone together. He sat on one bench, Hange on the other, and the bespectacled gaze was so
probing that Erwin found the hair on the back of his neck rising.

He fell back on mission briefing, going over their potential investors in detail while Hange
followed along in a file. That took less than an hour.

The carriage rattled as it hit a patch of rough road.

Erwin smiled. “You must be tired.”

“Not really,” Hange said.

“You’re welcome to sleep, if you wish.”

“I might in a bit.”

“I see.”

There was that probing gaze again. Erwin had often been told his stare was unsettling, and for the
first time in his life, he understood what it meant to be on the other side of it.

He found himself remembering Shadis’ advice the day he had retired. He slid out a bag from under
the bench and pulled out two bottles, tossing one to Hange.

The Squad Leader caught it and looked quizzically at it. “Ale?”

“Have we ever shared a drink together, just the two of us? We’ve finished the professional
discussions I had planned for this journey, and you aren’t interested in sleep yet, so maybe it’s time
I get to know you a little better.” He uncorked his bottle and held it up. “To your health.”

“And yours,” Hange replied automatically, echoing the gesture. They each took a swig.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Erwin said.

“You already know most of it.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. Remember that time when I was first promoted, when I tried to blackmail you, but you had
even more dirt on me and put me in my place?” Hange snorted and took another swig. “I’ve been
much more cautious about who I try to blackmail since then.”

He had forgotten about that. Strange to think that Hange had been aggressively pushing the
boundaries of Survey Corps research for so long. “Well, I know your history, but that’s not the
same as knowing a person. For example, clearly you’re driven by curiosity and a thirst for
knowledge.”

“True. And you are, too.” Hange leaned forward. “And that’s why I don’t understand why you
won’t let me capture a titan.”

He let out a low sigh.

“Think of all we could learn! We don’t even know why some of them stop moving at night, why
they’re feather-light, why the weak spot is what kills—”

“Hange.” His words were tight: “You are not to discuss this.”

“Fine.” Hange slumped against the bench again. “Let’s talk about you and Levi.”

“My intention was to talk about you.”

“I don’t want to talk about me. Let’s talk about something nice.”

“All right.” He had been meaning to bring this up, anyway. He cleared his throat and leaned
forward, elbows on his knees. “About Levi: I have a mission I’d like your assistance with, if you’re
interested. A personal one, tomorrow morning, in advance of the Council meeting. This is top
secret. No one can know about it, not even Levi.”

“Oh?”

“Shortly after we return to Trost, Levi and I will depart for Ehrmich District for a few days. While
we’re there, I’m going to propose marriage.”

Hange sat upright, dark eyes sparkling. “Holy hell!”

“I’d like to present him with a ring. It’s an old tradition—maybe even a bit old-fashioned … ” He
hesitated. “Do you think Levi would wear a ring?”

“If you asked him to? Yes. He’d even stop wearing the cravat if you asked.” Hange’s head tilted.
“Would you wear a matching one?”

“After we were wed, yes.” He paused. “Although I suppose that would look rather suspicious,
wouldn’t it? I’ve been so caught up in the idea of proposing that I may have overlooked that
detail.” It appeared his logic was still as hampered as ever when it came to Levi.

“Get ones for Mike and me, too,” Hange said. “Slightly different ones, if you want. Call them
Officer’s Rings and no one will question them.”

His chest fluttered. “You’d wear a ring just to give Levi and me the opportunity to follow an
outdated tradition?”

“Of course. I’m sure Mike would, too. But … ” Hange trailed off.

“Something on your mind?”

“It’s none of my business, sir, but I was under the impression you and Levi weren’t doing so well.
You’ve both been so glum lately.”

He raised a brow. “That’s none of your concern.”

“I know I’m overstepping my bounds. You don’t have to respond. It’s just that I like Levi, and I
like you, and trying to engage in a discussion with Levi about his emotions is impossible unless
we’re stranded somewhere.” Hange’s eyes were still probing. “We had some drinks a couple nights
before you left on the last expedition, and he was worried he was distracting you. Said he makes
you fall apart.”

Erwin felt a little sliver of pain, deep in his chest. Levi had spoken about that with Hange before
him? “We spoke about that at length during the expedition.” And we didn’t come to a conclusion
about what to do about it. The ball of ice slowly rotated in his stomach, a reminder that it had never
really gone away since their discussion.

He forced a smile. “Levi gives me hope, Hange. He allows me to give myself permission to feel
grief and worry.” And yet, he hesitated to say they were fine. Why was he hesitating? He looked up
at Hange, saw the compassion in the brown eyes, and looked down. “It’s possible his concerns
aren’t unfounded. During our last expedition, we were near Wall Maria. The moment it was within
view, all sorts of memories came rushing back. Remembering the pain I suffered during those
times, it all felt … pale. Ultimately, back then, the burden was on Shadis. The pain and loss I feel
every single day now is so much deeper than that, so much more profound. It’s snowballing in my
stomach, cold and heavy. And the closer we get to Maria, the closer we are to the moment when
I’m going to have to gamble the lives of every soldier in the entire military.

“I know I must not second-guess my intentions, my goals. I know everyone and everything is
expendable if it will benefit humanity. My resolve is solid, but beneath it, I’m eroding. The cracks
Levi sees in my composure aren’t his fault, though his protective nature won’t allow him to see
otherwise. They simply can’t be helped. I regret that he has shouldered my emotional issues and
blamed himself for them for so long.”

Hange’s face was solemn. “Have you told him all this?”

“We’ve discussed it in bits and pieces.” Erwin frowned, leaning back into the corner. It seemed
alcohol had the same effect on him as sex: his defenses were down. Now, when he looked to the
future, he could only see doubts.

“Are you letting him help you?” Hange asked.

He took another swallow of ale before he answered. “What do you mean?”

“We all know your burden is heavy. Are you letting him carry part of it?”

“He shoulders my burden without my permission. If I had my way, I’d keep it off him entirely.”

“The weight of it would squash you.” Hange’s head tilted. “I observe people a lot, and I think I
have a decent read on you, Commander. You have a need to hold all information tightly to your
chest, and that’s fine for us, because we trust you, but all those strategies and fears and political
squabbles must be getting pretty hard to carry by yourself.”

For the first time, he stared at Hange and saw a friend instead of a Squad Leader. The usual mad air
was gone completely. He had always wondered how Levi tolerated Hange’s presence, given their
opposite personalities. Now he understood. Hange was sincere, and Levi valued sincerity.

“I am grateful for Levi’s strength by my side,” he said firmly. “So long as he and I have strength,
neither of us will collapse.”

Hange nodded, looking satisfied. “Good. But don’t forget the rest of us can take a little weight,
too.”

Now that he took a moment to consider it, he had forgotten. After Henrik had died, Mike had
stepped in as his right-hand man on the field, his stoic nature allowing him to shoulder Erwin’s
plans and frustrations without flinching. Once Erwin had started focusing on leadership, he had
gradually pushed Mike to the side, too caught up in his plans to nurture a friendship. Only Levi had
managed to coax him to open up again.

Mike and Hange were leaders too. Why did he feel the need to hold things so tightly to his chest,
really? Was it because he was protecting them, or because he didn’t trust them? Levi’s voice rose
in his mind: control freak.

He drained the rest of his ale, then said, “I think perhaps I should get some sleep.”

Hange nodded. “Yeah, I’m tired, too.”

They clicked the door panels into place, each taking a makeshift bed. Erwin lay on his back and
stared at the ceiling, thinking of Levi, and he found he still had more to say.

“Am I fooling myself by considering marriage?” he murmured. “Would that secret only add more
pressure onto our already overburdened shoulders?”

There was no response. He turned his head and saw Hange’s eyes were closed, glasses off, breaths
even. Good, he thought, but at the same time, he felt lonely. Why did he have to suddenly realize
how many friendships he had pushed away in his lifetime? He had been perfectly content before
their conversation. Levi was his dearest friend and his confidante, and that was all a man in his
position needed. Plus, he had Nile and Marie, even if their friendship had awkward dynamics at
times. And Berit, though they saw each other maybe twice a year.

Could he still count Mike among his friends? Their strained conversation after Nanaba had been
wounded had been their first real one-on-one conversation in years. Mike had never been much of
a talker, anyway—Levi, Anke, and Nanaba were the only people Erwin had ever seen him
converse with in any depth. At least he still has Levi and Nanaba to support him.

Hange’s point had been valid: he was supposed to trust his officers. They were supposed to help
him shoulder the weight of the Survey Corps goals.

He studied Hange’s sleeping form. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you all about Sahlo. Maybe there’s an angle
I’m not seeing.

He reached up to dim the lamp.

Erwin awoke as the carriage stopped outside their usual hotel in Mitras. Hange sat bolt upright
mid-snore.

“Morning,” he said. “We’re there.”

“It feels like I just fell asleep a second ago.” Hange yawned and stretched.

They settled into their usual hotel room. It was always strange to be here without Levi. Every piece
of furniture in the room was attached to countless memories, some pleasant, some less so.

Less than twenty-four hours apart, and he was already missing Levi. How would they handle the
upcoming one-to-two month separation while they planned and scouted for the reclamation effort?

“If I bathe now,” Hange said, “will my hair be dry by the time we go to the gala?”

“Most likely. We have a few hours. You might find it easier to style damp, anyway.”
“Okay, then I’m going to bathe. Don’t come in.” Hange strode to the bathroom.

When it was finally Erwin’s turn to use the bath, he took his time, letting the warm water soothe
the aches and pains that always came after a long carriage ride. He dried off and dressed in a dark
suit over a white dress shirt, his bolo tie centred neatly under its collar. He combed oil into his hair
and parted it, then combed it back off his forehead.

Hange emerged from the other room in a flattering, form-fitting suit with a slightly outdated ruffled
collar. The Squad Leader’s auburn hair was twisted neatly into a knot at the top, a few tendrils
hanging loose.

“Is this okay?”

Erwin was torn between ‘handsome’ and ‘beautiful’ and decided neither accurately captured his
sentiment. “You look capable and professional. If I were an investor, I’d be interested in hearing
your ideas.”

“Good.”

They stopped at the hotel restaurant for an early dinner. Hange ate with a surprising display of
table manners, a far cry from the usual enthusiasm and speed during mealtime back at the base. I
suppose there’s no rush to get back to research here.

“ Did you and Levi ever dance at the galas you went to?” Hange asked.

Erwin scanned the restaurant to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. “Occasionally. Never more
than a dance, and we do our best to act like it’s a formality.” He set down his utensils and leaned
forward. “I’d like to share a dance or two with you tonight, if you’re okay with it. It’ll help sell the
idea that I dance with all my subordinates.”

“How flattering,” Hange said dryly, and then, after a pause: “I’m not much of a dancer.”

“We’ll wait until the dance floor is full, so you won’t have to feel self-conscious. There’s one lord
in particular I’m trying to manoeuvre around, and he’ll be paying close attention to me, so it’s
important he sees that all my subordinates get equal attention.”

“Lord Sahlo, right? The one who’s been pressuring you in the Council meetings.”

“Yes. A man with unclear motives and many names.” Erwin swirled his glass of wine, then took a
sip. “Levi and I have been working to dig up information on him so we can pressure him back.
We’ve determined he’s tied to an Underground gang using the name Lord Hasek, and the Wallists
under the name Brother Étienne.”

Hange’s wineglass froze mid-sip, then slowly lowered. “Étienne?”

“You know the name?”

“Well, could be a different Étienne. He was a primary investor in our weapons research when I was
working in the lab, a good friend of my boss.”

Erwin’s brows rose. “Sahlo does have an interest in weapons research. What did he look like?”

“I last saw him ten years ago. He was in his late thirties or so. About my height, dark hair,
handsome face in kind of an unusual way—narrow eyes, high cheekbones, broad lips. Always
looked like he was smirking, but he had a quick temper. Oh, and he wore a flat-brimmed hat.”
“I see.” There was no question he was the same man. “Do you know much about the investment
arrangement between him and your boss?”

“No. I didn’t pay attention to the financial aspects of the project.” Hange’s eyes were distant.

Erwin understood talking about the past might be difficult, but this could be a new thread to
pursue. “What was your boss’s name?”

“Othmar Eklund.”

He stored the name away for use later. “Would Sahlo recognize you if he saw you?”

“Probably. I was at Othmar’s side through most of the project, and I don’t look much different than
I did then.” Hange’s eyes lowered. “He would know me by my birth name, though.”

“Zoë Kerr.”

“Yes. Though he might recognize my current name if he was interested in weapons research long
enough to know my mother. She was pretty famous.”

Erwin swirled his wine again, considering the conversation. Sahlo knew Hange was attending the
gala. If he was getting desperate enough to pressure Erwin—and it seemed he was—then he might
be preparing to sabotage their efforts to attract investors. If he was involved with Hange’s old
research facility, he would know about the explosion Hange had caused.

“If anyone asks,” he said aloud, “we may have to address the accident.”

Hange’s eyes snapped up to him. “I don’t want to discuss it. That was years ago.”

“It isn’t difficult to imagine Sahlo spreading information about the accident to try to dissuade
potential investors from working with us. Even if he hasn’t, the information is public. Any
potential investors may have done their own research ahead of time.” He didn’t let his gaze drop.
“Be prepared.”

Hange’s face drooped. “I joined the military to get a fresh start.”

“I know, Hange. Politics has a way of dredging up parts of ourselves we don’t wish to address.
Look at tonight as a hoop to jump through. Once we have reclaimed Wall Maria, everything else
will be forgotten.”

The rest of the meal continued in silence.

As they approached the ballroom, however, a bounce found its way back to Hange’s step. “Look at
all the dresses!”

Erwin had to increase his pace to keep up. “I didn’t take you for a fan of fashion.”

“Not fashion, exactly, but they’re so aesthetically pleasing—all different colours and shapes. Like
flowers.”

“You like flowers?”

“I do. My grandmother gave me an old microscope for my fifth birthday. I spent hours and hours
cutting open different flowers and plants and studying their cellular structures. They were so
beautiful, just like these dresses. Look at all the colours and layers!”
Erwin raised a brow. “You’re not thinking about dissecting all these people, are you?”

“Come on!” Hange caught his arm and yanked him forward.

They stepped into the ballroom, and Hange abruptly stopped, eyes wide. Erwin used the pause to
scan the room. Sahlo stood in the corner, speaking with a noblewoman he had seen at other galas.
Their eyes locked. Sahlo tipped his hat; Erwin pretended not to see him.

Near the centre of the room, Nile wore his formal uniform, speaking stiffly with Pixis. Marie
wasn’t with him, and though Erwin hadn’t expected her, he was a little disappointed.

“Go ahead and explore,” he said to Hange. “I’ll get us some wine.”

“Yeah,” Hange breathed without looking at him, wandering into the crowd.

He selected a glass of wine for each of them, then began to pace around the room, locating the
targets for their investment pitch. There were six. One was Lady Gunnhild, laughing with another
Lady by the dance floor. She had a soft spot for him, so he’d butter her up by asking her to dance
once the alcohol was flowing, then bring her back to speak with Hange.

The next two were a husband and wife team; they kept separate finances, but often went in on
business ventures together. The husband was a tinkerer who was sure to enjoy talking specifics
with Hange while Erwin spoke finance with the wife.

Hange came up beside him, startling him. “Is that my wine?”

“Indeed. You like red, right?” He held out the glass.

“Thanks.” Hange grabbed it and downed the entire glass.

Erwin raised a brow. “Are you all right?”

“A little overwhelmed.” The dark eyes darted around the room. “I bet some of these people have
servants who sleep in better quarters than I did when I was growing up.”

“You’re the weapons expert in this room. It doesn’t matter where they sleep; they’re going to
recognize the passion and wisdom in your voice the moment you start speaking.”

Hange’s cheeks darkened. “Sir.”

So we’re back to ‘sir’ again. There was no point in starting their pitch if Hange was this
uncomfortable. The dance floor was already filling up. “We talked about sharing a dance. Why
don’t we do that now, give our potential investors time to drink a bit?”

Hange set the empty wine glass on a small table behind them. “Might as well.”

He drained his glass and set it aside, too, then held out a hand. Hange took it, grip surprisingly
strong. Together, they walked onto the dance floor. He put one hand on the narrow waist; their
other hands clasped.

They moved across the floor in perfect unison, Hange easily keeping up to his steps.
Experimentally, he spun Hange out, then back, and Hange laughed with delight. He was surprised
to hear himself chuckle as well. This wasn’t the deep tension and gravity he felt with Levi, but
something light, fun, and flowing.

“I thought you couldn’t dance,” he said, grinning.

“I just sort of assumed.” Hange’s smile was broad enough to show both sets of teeth. “Do that spin
again.”

He did as asked, and this time, there was a small stumble; he smoothly caught Hange’s waist and
turned the stumble into a dip, and Hange gave a boisterous laugh.

He was dizzy. This was the first time in years that he had simply had fun with a friend, with no
expectations upon him, no deeper meaning. It reminded him of his years in the Trainee Squad,
drunkenly waltzing around the bar with Nile or Anke or Mike, playful banter set to song.

Hange accidentally stomped on his foot, and he had been so lost in thought that he yelped. That set
Hange off in a series of loud, snorting laughs, and the snorts were so undignified that Erwin found
himself laughing as well. The nobles dancing tamely around them cast them puzzled looks, which
somehow made the whole situation even funnier. Humanity’s Hope, the Wings of Freedom, and we
can’t even make it through one song with decorum.

“ Damn,” Hange gasped, fighting against another wave of laughter. “This is awful. No one’s going
to support us now. We look drunk.”

“We were doing well for a minute there.” Erwin stepped back and gave an exaggerated bow, then
held out an elbow. “Perhaps another glass of wine to help us catch up to our apparent drunkenness,
my dear Squad Leader?”

“An excellent idea, Commander.” Hange looped an arm through his.

They retired to the fringes of the crowd, settling near a pillar with fresh glasses of wine.

“I hope you and Levi dance better than that,” Hange said, speaking loudly enough for his ears only.

“We move easily as one.”

“I remember you dancing at the Christmas party. Very graceful, nice to watch. It’s a pity you
couldn’t dance more without making people suspicious.”

“A pity indeed.” The conversation was making him miss Levi. Seeking a change of conversation,
he gestured toward their first target, preparing to explain their strategy.

Before he could speak, a hand tapped Hange’s shoulder. “May I interrupt you for a dance?”

Hange froze.

Erwin slowly turned. The man who stood behind them was tall, with grey hair and a sharp nose. “I
don’t believe we’ve met.”

Hange turned, chin high. “This is Othmar Eklund, my former supervisor at the research—”

“Zoë. Please.” Othmar held out a hand. “We have a lot to talk about.”

The expression on Hange’s face was unusually vulnerable. Slowly, their hands reached for each
other, as if they were in a trance, as if Erwin wasn’t there at all. They drifted toward the dance
floor together.

Erwin’s eyes narrowed. Whatever tension was between them, it was a clear distraction. This wasn’t
an accident.

He looked around the room. As he had suspected, Sahlo was watching him intently from across the
room. Their gaze held. The lord cocked his head toward the staircase.

Erwin set his jaw and began to move through the crowd. He was almost out the other end when a
hand caught his arm.

He turned and saw Lady Gunnhild. She wore heavy makeup and an autumn-inspired headpiece,
and an orange, green, and brown dress that displayed a little more cleavage than appropriate. He
did his best not to look at it.

“Commander Erwin.” She curtsied. “Would you care to dance?”

He gave her a warm smile. “I would like nothing more, Lady Gunnhild, but I need to have a brief
meeting with Lord Sahlo first. May I find you a bit later this evening? We have much to discuss.”

“Indeed we do.” She smiled broadly at him. “Very well. Find me when you’re free to dance.”

He nodded and was about to turn away, but he paused. He could see Hange and Othmar on the
dance floor, so deep in conversation that they were barely moving. He couldn’t make out what they
were saying, but Hange looked upset.

Should I step in?

“ Commander.”

The call came from above him. He looked up and saw Sahlo on the balcony overlooking the dance
floor, a lit cigar between his lips. The lord tipped his hat in greeting.

Erwin’s hands tightened as he climbed the staircase.

“Good evening,” Sahlo said, moving over as if to make room on the railing. “It’s so strange to see
you without your little dog at your side.”

“You brought Othmar Eklund here.” Erwin strode forward, stopping a few centimetres closer than
was socially appropriate. “Why?”

“That’s what I like about you, Commander: always to the point.” Sahlo leaned on the railing and
blew smoke rings; they floated over the dance floor, growing and dissipating. “Your Squad Leader
looks miserable. I must say, I was expecting their reunion to be happier, even after all the drama
that passed between them.” He raised a brow at Erwin. “You did know they were once in a
relationship, didn’t you?”

Even if he hadn’t known before, it was clear now. “You brought him here to derail our discussions
with investors.”

“You think I’m that conniving? Maybe I’m just a romantic at heart. Zoë Kerr, the child of Hange
Lise, a prodigy so bright that no one noticed the fake university credentials, so dazzled were they
by natural talent. Of course Othmar fell in love. He was a sucker for intelligence. It’s a pity he was
such a coward, pinned everything on Zoë after the accident. And it’s a pity Zoë so eagerly took the
blame. I wonder where the two of them would be now, if that unfortunate situation had never
happened?”

“Hange doesn’t use that name anymore.”

“Ah, that’s right. With all these fake names flying around, it’s difficult to keep track.” Sahlo’s gaze
shifted to him. “It’s amazing how weak love makes us, isn’t it? Such a liability. We can plan and
plan all we want, devote ourselves to logic in everything we do, but that tie to another human being
burns so brightly that it casts shadows on everything else.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Erwin said. “I gave up on love years ago, for the exact reasons you describe. I
suppose you and I both came to the same conclusions about love when we were young.”

“How interesting. That’s the first time you’ve ever drawn a favourable comparison between us. Are
we finally, after all these years, becoming friends?” Sahlo mashed the tip of his cigar into the
railing, snuffing it out. “Or are you trying to liken the two of us to decrease my suspicions, to cover
your own vulnerability?”

“I have no vulnerability.”

“Of course not. I’m sorry if I implied otherwise. Erwin Smith, the man carved from stone.” Sahlo
stuck the cigar into the breast pocket of his suit, as if saving it for later. “You’re right, of course.
You and I have greater goals, so we must eschew love. If we were to give in—if we were to let our
base animal urges overpower our common sense—our enemies could easily use our vulnerability
against us. We might try to protect ourselves and those we love, but there is no such thing as a
permanent secret. They all leak, given time. And then … ” He gestured at the dance floor, where
Hange was pushing through the crowd, visibly distressed. “Worlds collide, and all our carefully
laid plans crumble.”

Erwin’s heart beat in his throat. He pulled away from the balcony. “Excuse me.”

“Oh? Is that a soft spot I see, Erwin?”

“My subordinate has been emotionally compromised.”

“I suggest you listen a bit longer. You’re busy, so I’ll be brief.” Sahlo stepped closer, and even
though he was the shorter of the two, he seemed to be looming. “You and I are going to meet in my
office tomorrow to talk about the plans for the next few Survey Corps expeditions. I have some
ideas I’d like you to take into consideration.”

“We took your last assignment.” It was a struggle for Erwin to keep his voice and face calm. “Our
timeline doesn’t allow any more delays. What’s more, your misguided mission lost us more than a
third of the soldiers we had on the field. I think the Council will agree it would be reckless to bow
to any more of your demands.”

“Ah, yes, that’s right: you embraced the idea, exactly as written, and you brought back every single
scrap of the King’s money.” Sahlo’s lip curled. “Accurate to the amount we told you, right down
to the last gold piece.”

Erwin’s collar was too tight, the bolo tie too heavy. “Is that unexpected?”

“It seems my advisors were looking at an old ledger when they were calculating the funds stored in
that silo.”

“Is that so?”

“That particular silo was mostly emptied during the evacuation of Wall Maria. The old records we
were looking at in the Council meeting were off by a factor of thousands. Fortunately, I have a
copy of the updated amount stored in a safe place.” Sahlo took a step closer, his breath hot and
reeking of gin. “It’s curious that you brought back the exact amount we told you the first time,
Smith. It’s almost as if you disregarded the Council’s decision and ran your own mission instead,
then faked your visit to the silo. But I must be wrong, right?” His smile faded, his voice deepening:
“That would be treason.”

Erwin didn’t flinch. “I’m not sure what you’re hoping to accomplish with this bluff—”

“No, not a bluff; I set you up. Don’t feel too bad. I took advantage of your sense of urgency, made
sure you wouldn’t have time to pick apart the details and uncover my lie. It was underhanded, but I
assure you, my intentions are noble.”

You want to delay the Wall reclamation, and you dare call your intentions ‘noble?’ Erwin felt a
flash of blinding rage. It would be so easy to grab him by his collar and pitch him backwards over
the balcony, an unfortunate accident due to too many drinks.

“We’re out of time,” he said aloud. “I refuse to sacrifice thousands to your ‘noble intentions.’”

“You sound frustrated, Erwin. And here I was beginning to wonder if you ever felt any stress.” The
lord straightened the brim of his hat and gave a broad smile. “I fully agree: we are out of time.
Meet with me tomorrow morning. Eleven o’clock, my office in the Military Police barracks. No
more dancing around, no more lies, no more secrets: I’ll tell you everything, and you’ll tell me
everything, and we’ll resolve our differences once and for all. Come alone.” He pushed past Erwin,
walking toward the stairs. “And good luck with Zoë. There’s a lesson in all this: we can change our
names as often as we like, but our past will always, always catch up with us.”

Erwin watched him descend, his head spinning. He couldn’t shake a single thought: he knows
everything.

Movement on the other balcony caught his attention. He glanced over in time to see Hange slip
behind the curtained wall, likely to use the same exit Levi had, once upon a time, used to escape
gala chaos. He drew a deep breath.

He found Hange sitting on the rooftop, legs dangling over the edge, a crumpled handkerchief in
one hand, glasses in the other.

Erwin sat, leaving a comfortable gap between them. “Need company?”

Hange sniffled and looked down. “This is unprofessional. I shouldn’t be crying.”

“It’s fine. This isn’t the first time a subordinate has fled to the safety of the rooftop, and I quite like
it up here myself.” Erwin held out a clean handkerchief. “Mitras is confining, with its rules and
roles. I much prefer the freedom of the Survey Corps, where we can show all our emotions and still
respect one another.”

Hange took the handkerchief and blew hard, then sniffled again. “I came here on a mission. We
have investors to woo. Let’s get back down there.”

“They can wait a few more minutes. They’ll be easier to ‘woo’ after a few drinks, anyway.” He
leaned back on his palms, enjoying the gentle breeze on his neck. “I spoke with your old friend
Étienne.”

“Sahlo?” Hange’s nose wrinkled. “Let me guess: he brought Othmar to screw with my head before
we could get any traction with investors.”

He often forgot how quick Hange was, in spite of the Squad Leader’s tendency to zany,
scatterbrained ramblings. Maybe that’s a mask of sorts, too. “ That was more or less his plan, yes. I
also feel like he was using you to prove a point.”
“What point?”

“That the past always catches up with us.”

“Oh.” Hange studied him. “Does he have information on you?”

“He might. We’re meeting tomorrow morning to lay all the cards on the table.” He held the strong
gaze. “You’re steering the conversation away from yourself again.”

Hange shrugged, idly fidgeting with the glasses frame. “What is there to say? Levi told you all
about Othmar, anyway.”

“He didn’t.”

A pause. “I figured you two told each other everything.”

“We share a great deal, but only what’s relevant to our goals. He must have assumed your past with
Othmar wouldn’t have any impact on your future.”

“Ha! I guess he was wrong.” Hange put the glasses back in place and set the handkerchief aside.
“You know about the accident at the old research facility, and that I was blamed—it was Othmar’s
fault. He pinned it on me, and I managed to convince myself it was to protect me, but now I’m
older and wiser and realize that wasn’t the case. I confronted him about it while we were dancing
tonight. He tried to tell me I was just being emotional—acted like a patronizing asshole—and
suddenly I knew the truth.” Hange laughed bitterly. “I was so naïve. I threw away my career for
him.”

“You made the best decision you could with the experience you had at the time. You had every
reason to expect that a man of science, a man who claimed to love you, would value the truth over
his own skin.” Erwin watched the reddening clouds on the horizon, remembering the rooftop dance
he had shared with Levi, and he felt a swell of optimism. “Besides, it led you to the Survey Corps,
and for that, I am grateful. You’re leading a research team, exploring beasts that no human has ever
understood. You have the opportunity to apply and observe the effects of every weapon you
develop, then iterate on the spot. I can’t see you being in a more fitting role.”

“True. And I do love it. I guess … ” Hange hesitated. “I guess I just didn’t realize how lonely our
work was until I saw him again. It’s just a handful of us holding fast while everyone around us
dies. I bury myself in my research because that’s consistent, but I only feel like the officers really
know me. Hell, I didn’t even bother to learn the names of my newest squad members, because I
expected most of them to die right away.”

Erwin thought of the boy who had died saluting him during the expedition. “We’re under so much
strain that we have to distance ourselves from our humanity in order to hold ourselves together.”

“Yeah, and those of us who survive are always changing. Everything about us is so … abnormal.
When I saw Othmar again, he was still the same, just a normal man, and it made me realize just
how naïve he is, just how much I’ve grown.” Hange’s hands tightened into fists, voice rising.
“And he had the nerve to treat me like the same kid, dizzy with love, fresh out of school. His
opinion shouldn’t matter—he has no clue what we go through. I hate how much this bothers me.”

Erwin leaned forward to stare down at the people walking on the street below them. The words
rang true: not one of them understood what the Survey Corps went through to protect humanity.
Maybe that was what infuriated him so much about men like Sahlo, making important decisions
when they didn’t understand what they were truly up against.
“There are people in this world who want to force people into labels,” Hange said, voice quieter.
“They try to categorize us to fit their narrow understanding of the world. Othmar doesn’t see me as
a person: he sees Zoë , and that name is packed with all sorts of assumptions. Labels never really
sat well with me. I want people to look past the labels and see me .”

Erwin struggled to understand. On one hand, he had worked hard to cultivate a personality that
others could categorize. He had studied all the labels that held weight in society, carefully
understanding the assumptions people would make about him. There were things that others
seemed to hold as important—like gender, or attractiveness, or birthplace. He couldn’t understand
why any of those should have any bearing on a person’s worth, but he was happy to take advantage
of others’ assumptions.

As a teenager, he had thought his refusal to put stock in these assumptions made him superior to
people who still grappled with categorizing their fellow humans. Maybe all it had really done was
blind him to the suffering of people who didn’t fit society’s labels themselves.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Hange looked up. “For what?”

“You’ve been through a lot to get to where you are, and you’ve stuck true to yourself in a world
that tries to force you into roles that don’t fit. I want you to know that I value you— Hange. If I
deny your requests, it’s not because I undervalue the importance of your opinion. It’s because I
have to constantly weigh the pros and cons of everything the Survey Corps does, and other tasks
must take priority right now.”

Hange launched at him, and he found himself caught in a hug so tight that his breath wheezed. He
wasn’t sure how to react, so he settled for an awkward back pat.

“Okay, I’m feeling better.” Hange pulled away and shoved the soiled handkerchief into his hand.
“Let’s get some investors.”

In spite of Sahlo’s best efforts, Hange returned to the dance floor collected and professional.
Othmar was nowhere to be seen—and, curiously enough, neither was Sahlo.

Was he only here for me? Erwin smirked. He’s taking every step he can think of to try to intimidate
me.

His first stop was Lady Gunnhild, who had already indulged in too many drinks. She whisked
Erwin onto the dance floor and her hands were so grabby that Erwin was reminded of his training
days, fending off drunken advances of other teenage boys. It was exhausting.

Still, Lady Gunnhild was a shrewd business woman, and when the dance was over, she paid
studious attention to Hange’s pitch. As she asked more questions, Hange seemed to gain
confidence, a spark showing in the dark eyes.

“You are clearly a brilliant person,” the Lady said, gripping Hange’s shoulder. “But I must do my
due diligence and ask: I heard a rumour about an accident in your old research firm.”

Hange paled, but Erwin smiled and stepped in. “Our laboratory has a flawless track record since
Hange founded it four years ago. Whatever happened in the past, it has given Hange the
perspective and the wisdom to ensure we have stringent safety standards. Even the top weapons
laboratories here in Mitras have had small fires and accidents within the past four years; the Survey
Corps record is perfect.” He began to rattle off a list of their accomplishments.

By the time the Lady left, he was certain they had secured an investment.

“That was slick,” Hange said.

“I told her the truth.”

“The truth she wanted to hear.”

“That’s the key: knowing which truth is most important to each investor.” He eyed the husband-
and-wife team across the room. “Incidentally, I want you to enthrall Lord Boris there with the
minutiae of your most recent weapon. I’ll speak with Lady Ida about the fiscal aspects.”

By the end of the night, they had successfully spoken with all six investors. It was difficult to
gauge their success, but Erwin felt optimistic.

They returned to the hotel after midnight, both of them so tipsy that they had to lean on each
other’s shoulders going upstairs. Hange collapsed face-down on the bed in the main room.

“Can I have this one?”

“Yes.” The bedroom in the side room was smaller, but it had a door and a lock. Erwin was hoping
for a little private time to entertain warm, fuzzy memories about the first gala he had attended with
Levi. But first, he was parched. He sat at the table and poured himself a glass of water.

“Hey Erwin.” Hange’s voice was muffled by the quilt.

“Yes?”

Hange rolled over, glasses crooked. “Tell me more about why you love Levi.”

“You already asked this.”

“You were sober then. I want more details. I bet you’re missing him, and I’m a sucker for
romance.”

He smiled softly to himself and looked down at his glass, swirling it as if it were wine. “Well, it’s
true that I miss him.” Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk about love for a moment. “His skill was the
first attraction. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I saw dexterity, speed and strength unlike
anything I had ever seen. I told myself it was purely clinical admiration, but I felt it in my heart, not
my brain. The next attraction was his resolve.”

Hange rose up on one elbow and snorted. “You mean his stubbornness.”

“Call it what you will; I admire tenacity. His ability to quickly size up the situation was attractive
as well. I saw in him a potential partner, a perfect complement to my skill set.”

“You’re talking about him like his Commander.”

“I am his Commander.”

“So talk about him like his fiancé-to-be.” Hange squinted at him. “Do you actually think he’s good
looking?”

“Of course.”
“Really?” Hange sat up. “He always looks like he just smelled something bad.”

Erwin gave a soft chuckle, lost in the mental image. “When his nose wrinkles, his lip curls up on
the left side. And he’s the only man I know who can smile with his eyes while the rest of his face
is scowling.” He traced the rim of his glass with his fingertip. “I gravitate toward people with a
grumpy personality. Grumpy people tend to see the world as it really is, and you always know
where you stand with them. Besides, his sharp tongue showcases his intelligence, and his crassness
is amusing.” He paused. “But there’s softness beneath all that. He’s rough around the edges, but
he’s also one of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met.” He thought of Levi buying the
apartment in Ehrmich just to keep their symbol of hope alive. He thought of the way he always
fixed Erwin’s hair and preened his clothes, the way he gently trailed his slim fingers down Erwin’s
body with utter admiration: look at you.

But it wasn’t only their interactions that made him so endearing. Levi’s face was also so distraught,
so vulnerable at every funeral pyre, and his hugs were always strong and lengthy afterwards. Levi
truly cared for the troops, even the ones he didn’t know by name, even the ones who hadn’t been in
his squad.

His throat was tight. “You spoke earlier about the human tendency to categorize. People look at
Levi and see a violent criminal with crass speech, but he’s so much more complex than that, so
multi-faceted. His passion for the well-being of the people around him burns deeper than anyone I
have ever met. I’ve survived this long by hiding my vulnerable side, but Levi embraces his and
shows it to anyone who treats him with respect. That makes me want to protect him, but at the
same time, it makes him the strongest man I’ve ever met. He is fearlessly himself in every
situation.”

Hange was watching him with soft eyes. “And here I thought you were going to talk about sex.”

He chuckled. “That’s private.”

“I’m not really that nosy, anyway. I’ve already seen all I need to know.”

“Are you referring to the incident from three years ago? Perhaps it’s time to let that go.”

“Oh, I let it go ages ago. I bugged Levi about it at every opportunity I could get, and it got old. But
I never bugged you about it, and we’re friends now, right? So I can resurrect it all over again.”

“I’m still the one who holds the fate of your future research in the palm of my hand, so you may
want to reconsider,” he said dryly.

“Ah, fair enough.”

They were silent. The alcohol and the thought of Levi were deep in his head now, and he felt his
groin stirring. He finished off his glass of water, and then stood. “Thank you for your help tonight,
Hange. Get some sleep. We’ll have an early breakfast, and then peruse the jewellery shops before I
have to head out to visit Sahlo.” He needed something to look forward to before he faced down the
lord.

“‘Night, Erwin,” Hange mumbled, eyes already closed.

“Goodnight.”

Maybe he should spend some time preparing to face Sahlo, but he could only think about Levi. A
little stress relief might put me in a better frame of mind.
He locked himself in the bedroom and pulled off his suit jacket, neatly hanging it in the closet. He
rolled up his sleeves to avoid mussing them, found a clean handkerchief, then undid his pants and
sat on the end of the bed.

He tried to think ahead to what he would do with Levi in Ehrmich, but the fantasy was too
complex, and he was too drunk to be creative. Instead, he latched onto a memory from a few weeks
ago, before they had become bogged down in expedition planning. They had spent the night
drinking with Mike, and Levi had been subtly groping Erwin’s thigh under the table all evening
until Erwin had given in and dragged him away to their Trost apartment. He recalled the taste of
Levi’s neck, the way the muscles had strained, the sensation of his throat cartilage under Erwin’s
tongue, while Levi hardened and groaned beneath him.

He paused to roll onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. He couldn’t stop recalling the
sensation of Levi’s throat under his tongue, the way it had vibrated with his groan. Levi’s most
vulnerable area, the one he clutched when he woke up with nightmares, the one that still made him
tense when Erwin shaved it—to hear and feel him react with such pleasure …

Erwin bit the pillow and came hard into the handkerchief, every inch of his skin tingling.

He stayed frozen like that for another minute, too relaxed to bother moving, but then his neck
began to ache. He released the pillow and rolled onto his back, hands lolling to the side.

When they were apart, it was the little details he missed most, those memories so specific—so Levi
—that they were tangible. When they got to Ehrmich, he was going to linger on that beautiful
throat and rediscover that rumbling groan.

But his barriers were down, and the memory was fading from his grasp. Now all he could see was
Sahlo’s crooked smile:

It’s amazing how weak love makes us, isn’t it?

He awoke at dawn drenched in the sweat of an old nightmare: Sahlo, and titans, and Levi
disappearing between his teeth.

He hated how deeply Sahlo had wormed his way into his confidence. At least things were about to
come to a head. Maybe, one way or another, this feud between them could finally be resolved.

Hange was already getting dressed when he stepped into the main room.

“You call his name in your sleep,” Hange said, pulling on a worn set of uniform boots.

“Levi? Only when I’m having nightmares, I hope.” His jaw tightened. There is no such thing as a
permanent secret.

Hange paused, watching him. “Are you okay?”

He was going to brush it off, but remembered their discussion in the carriage about sharing
burdens. “I’m about to try to blackmail someone without knowing what information he has on me.
He’s been building up to this, just as I have, for more than three years. He’s crafty.”

“Then maybe blackmail isn’t the best option. Remember that lesson you taught me about
blackmail, all those years ago? Don’t try to blackmail someone whose information outweighs your
own. Maybe you’ll have to compromise instead.”
He grimaced. “There’s no room for compromise. We’re short on time.”

“So is everyone.”

“True.” Sahlo did seem like he was getting desperate.

He pulled on a set of black pants and a plain green shirt with a straight collar. He left his hair loose,
as much as it bothered him to venture outside without groomed hair. It was better if none of the
jewellers recognized him.

Hange was dressed in dull browns, hair loose and wavy. It was strange to step outside in casual
clothes like this. Even when they went out drinking in groups, everyone wore their uniforms. The
only person he ever went out with in casual dress was Levi.

They stopped to buy coffee and bread, then toured the shopping district. The shops were just
opening, so the streets were empty.

They pretended to be brother and sister, looking together to find a ring for a new sister-in-law. The
more distance they could put between Erwin and Levi, the better. It quickly became apparent the
shops wanted to sell him ornate rings with gaudy gemstones.

“She likes simple jewellery,” Erwin explained at one promising-looking shop. “Thick, plain bands,
no stones. I’m hoping to wear a matching one.”

“Ah, how romantic!” The jeweller reached for his hand and inspected his fingers, then pulled out
sizing bands for him to try on. “What size is the lady?”

“About one size smaller than my smallest finger.”

“I see.” The jeweller took a few measurements, and then rustled beneath the counter. “The plain
styles you describe tend to be preferred by gentlemen with large hands like yourself, but they aren’t
very popular with ladies. However, we have some children’s sizes that might fit the lady in
question.”

Hange snickered.

“It’s common for men in the military to get matching bands to give to their children,” the jeweller
said. “Let me show you some of those sets.”

Together, they examined a tray of rings.

“How about this?” Hange asked, holding out a pair of plain metal bands, silver in colour, with a
horizontal gradient from dark to light. The gradient instantly reminded Erwin of the sky, and he
smiled.

Levi was always meant to fly.

He tried on the larger band. It fit perfectly on the ring finger of his left hand.

“The smaller one is approximately the right size for the lady,” the jeweller said helpfully.

His heart beat in his throat as he pictured kneeling before Levi, looking up at him, slipping this ring
onto his finger.

“These are the ones.” He turned to Hange. “Should we purchase two more for you and your …
friend?” He was too dizzy to think of a good code name for Mike.
“We can get those later. They don’t have to match exactly; the important thing is that all four of us
wear rings.” The Squad Leader was grinning. “I think your future fiancé is going to like this.”

Erwin paid and then they stepped into the street.

Hange gave a shriek and launched at him, hugging him tightly.

“Oof,” Erwin said good-naturedly, trying to extract himself from the vice-like grip.

“I’m so happy for you.” Hange looked up, eyes rimmed with tears. “You two have danced around
it for so long, and you’ve faced so much misery together, and—”

“Perhaps it’s unwise to draw this much attention to us.” He managed to free his hands and pushed
against the Squad Leader’s shoulders. “Would you like to hang on to the rings?” He was bound to
forget they were in his pocket and inadvertently ruin the surprise when Levi dragged him into
private upon their return.

“I’d be honoured.” Hange solemnly accepted the bag.

His head was spinning. “Now I just have to work on what I’m going to say when I propose.”

“Keep it simple. He doesn’t need a speech.”

“I suppose he doesn’t.” Words didn’t even need to seem to pass between them to express how they
felt. He smiled to himself. May he would just kneel as the sun set behind him, and hold out the
ring, and let Levi read between the lines.

“Who are you going to invite?” Hange asked.

Erwin glanced around them and, satisfied they weren’t attracting any attention, said, “You, of
course. Mike. Moblit and Nanaba both know now, and I trust them both, so they’d be welcome as
well. Berit and Silas. Commander Nile and his wife, Marie. Probably no children—it will need to
stay a secret, after all, and—” He hesitated, refusing to let his demons surface as he added,
“Children aren’t always good with secrets.”

“Sounds like a good crowd.”

“I think so, yes.” He considered. “I should probably extend the invitation to my mother, but I’m not
sure she would accept.”

Hange’s eyes were wide. “I didn’t realize you had a living family.”

“A rarity these days, isn’t it? She probably wouldn’t be interested in attending. We had a falling
out when I was very young.” She would probably want it to be a formal church wedding, anyway,
and the nature of their work relationship was such that they couldn’t have a real wedding . He
cleared his throat. “At any rate, there’s no point planning this far ahead. I still don’t know for sure
he’ll say yes, and with the reclamation coming up, we may die before we get the chance.”

Hange’s face fell. “That’s a depressing thought.”

“It’s my job to consider depressing angles.”

They returned to the room and took turns getting cleaned up, then changed into their uniforms.
Erwin carefully groomed his hair and his brows, then leaned in close to check for ear hair or stray
nose hairs. Satisfied that he looked immaculate, he stood tall. “I want you waiting in the hallway
while I speak with Sahlo. I don’t expect a skirmish to break out, but if it does, I want you to be
ready to come to my aid. Do not attract the attention of the MP unless I tell you to sound an alarm.”

“Levi would be better at this,” Hange said.

“Levi’s not here. I’ve fought hand-to-hand with you before. You’re stronger than you think, and
you take a punch with better humour than anyone I’ve ever met. Sahlo is untrained. The risks are
small.” Even as he said it, he patted his boot to ensure Levi’s knife was in place.

He looked in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath, and then set his face to neutral.

The Military Police headquarters was almost empty—Saturday mornings were always quiet. Erwin
held his chin high as he strode down the hall to Sahlo’s office. He gave Hange’s shoulder a
squeeze.

“Wait for me here,” he said quietly and, without waiting for a response, he knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

He stepped into the office and closed the door behind him.

Sahlo sat at his desk, hands folded in front of him, the brim of his hat masking his face in shadow.
He motioned at the chair across from him.

Erwin sat.

“Tea?” Sahlo topped up his own mug with a teapot.

“No, thank you.” Erwin quietly took in the room. No one standing nearby, no weapons. He felt his
spine relax slightly.

“You’ve come a long way to be here,” Sahlo said. “How long is the ride from Trost to Mitras,
exactly? About ten hours?”

“You’ll forgive me for having no interest in small talk.”

“Of course. There’s a lot to get through, and we’re on a tight timeline. You know why you’re
here.” Sahlo poured amber liquid from a flask into his tea, and then paused to take a sip. He leaned
back in his chair. “I’m done trying to manage you. It’s exhausting. Ever since you and your Captain
pulled your little stunt in the Underground, I’ve had investors to placate, broken trust to repair.”

“Our stunt?”

“Stop it.” Sahlo’s eyes narrowed. “I know you and Levi were in the Underground. I know Zackly
did some hand-waving bullshit to cover for you—damned if I can figure out why. Maybe he’s
protecting you, or maybe he’s blackmailing you into some bizarre sexual favours, who knows?
You used fake identification crafted by Leona Reid, waltzed into Rage Klein’s territory, asked
around about me, and started a gang fight. And then your fucking dog killed four people—people
who had families, and friends, and roles within Underground society. These are very serious
actions, Smith, and they put me in a very, very awkward position.”

The hair on the back of Erwin’s neck rose, but he stayed silent, hoping Sahlo’s apparently chatty
mood would lead him to reveal new information.

“The trouble began when you recruited that asshole Levi, of all people.” Sahlo took another sip of
tea. “He’s a petty criminal. I know people around us see everyon e Underground as petty criminals,
but that’s ignorance. The denizens of the Underground are people who have developed their own
economy and pecking order, and the majority of them are hardworking folks making the best
living they can in deplorable circumstances.

“But a few of them are selfish scum, like Levi. He took in orphans—a nice idea in theory, but he
trained them to steal and brainwashed them to his entitled way of life. The brats took food out of
the mouths of families, far more than their share.” He gave a low sigh. “And then you entered the
picture, and Lobov went behind my back and hired that good-for-nothing thug.”

Erwin tried, and failed, to guess where the conversation was headed.

Sahlo chuckled. “You look confused. I’m rambling, aren’t I? I haven’t had much sleep lately.”

“I’m surprised a lord knows so much about Underground society,” Erwin said. “Do you feel a
connection to it because of your mother?”

Their gaze held. Erwin held his face steady; if he revealed it was a desperate guess, he would be
handing all his power to Sahlo.

“Interesting,” the lord said, looking genuinely impressed. “You’ve gotten further than any other
opponent I’ve ever faced. I promised to lay everything on the table. We’ve been locking horns for
several years now, but we were always moving in a similar direction. Now we’re reaching a point
of direct opposition, and neither can proceed without the other’s cooperation. One of us must take
the lead and the other must fall into line.”

“And you think you should take the lead.”

“Of course I do. You’re pushing ahead with this bullheaded, misguided reclamation effort, and
you’re so charismatic that you’re developing a strong following among the other Council
members. And you’re refusing to bow to pressure, so you leave me with two options: either
convince you of my viewpoint, or apply all the pressure I can. The latter might break you, so I’d
like to try the former first.”

“There is nothing you can say that can convince me to delay the reclamation effort,” Erwin said
flatly. “I know my priorities.”

Sahlo smirked. “But do you truly understand mine? You seem to think I’m desperate for money—
that’s what most of our agreements have revolved around until now. I don’t need your money,
Smith. You must have caught on to that by now. Money is a perk, and I enjoy luxury, but I’m more
concerned with protecting humanity’s most downtrodden.”

Fury rose in Erwin’s throat, but he kept his voice calm: “Your past actions speak differently. I sat
in on Council meetings where you pushed for the slaughter of 250,000 refugees after Wall Maria
fell. You specifically exempted the noble class from the death lottery. How can you claim to be
protecting the poorer classes when you specifically targeted them for your sacrifice?”

Sahlo’s face twisted. “Do you think the Council—most of them who are nobles themselves—
would have accepted the lottery idea if they risked losing their lives? I had to appeal to their
cowardice to ensure they accepted my idea. Specifically targeting the refugees was the only
reasonable option. The initial plans were far more horrific. You and I both know that sometimes
we have to set aside smaller moral quibbles to address the larger ones.” He opened a drawer and
pulled out a file.
Erwin accepted it and began to skim.

“I had a feeling you’d bring this up, you see,” Sahlo said. “The file contains the original plan to
exterminate the entire Underground population. You weren’t privy to this initial stage of planning
—only Commander-in-Chief Zackly represented the military in the initial meetings. The MP’s
First Brigade was to commit this atrocious act. You’ve heard of them?”

“Only in passing.” Erwin flipped the page, still skimming.

“It would have been a slaughter, as if they were animals. Some were even pushing for their meat to
be used to feed the starving.” Sahlo was clearly agitated, his voice rising. “They said it so
carelessly; they didn’t view them as people. They were going to hide it from the populace to
prevent a panic. At least the lottery and the expedition gave some semblance of meaning to the
lives we culled. That’s why I fought tooth and nail for it. I convinced the Council that the
Underground residents would be too feeble to launch an attack of this magnitude. The refugees,
meanwhile, were viewed as interlopers, but they were strong, hardy stock, farmers and manual
labourers. They had a better chance of succeeding.”

Erwin closed the file and set it on the desk. He would check its veracity with Zackly later. “From
where I’m sitting, you look like a man who tore apart families and sacrificed a quarter million
lives, then blamed the losses on the Survey Corps.”

“Be reasonable, Smith. You’re a smart man. You must have seen that there wasn’t enough food for
every living mouth once Wall Maria fell—you certainly harp on food shortages when you’re in
Council meetings.

“As for blaming the Survey Corps, you made the most convenient scapegoat. Can you imagine the
chaos that would have ensued if people had blamed the government instead?”

He wasn’t wrong, but Erwin’s blood still boiled. “You’ve been outspoken about the Survey Corps
being a waste of taxpayer money.”

“In its current state, it is. Like I said, you made for a convenient scapegoat.”

“The Survey Corps is our only hope to reclaim Wall Maria.”

“Wall Maria is lost.” Sahlo pulled out a cigar and lit it. “You and I both know the chances of
reclamation success are slim. Besides, the Wallists have gained such a strong following that
repairing the wall is going to cause massive public upheaval. For the sake of preserving life and
stability, humanity would be better off developing sustainable food growth while maintaining Wall
Rose as our outer wall.”

Erwin’s jaw was tight; he loosened it, focusing on keeping his expression neutral. “We’ve seen
how easily the titans can break through gates. We still don’t know what caused the Colossal and
Armoured titans to appear, or when they might appear again. If they make an attack on Wall Rose,
we won’t have the infrastructure to support our surviving population.”

“So you would sacrifice the entire military in an attempt at reclaiming Wall Maria as a sort of
temporary buffer? How many thousands of lives do you expect to throw away? Tell me how that’s
different from what I did. At least you’ll lighten the burden on taxpayers and mouths to feed, I
suppose, but the survivors will be left without any military at all.”

Erwin’s confidence, usually a solid coat, was beginning to flake away. “I have a plan, one we’ll
spend the winter refining, one that will minimize casualties. The timeline is tight, and the more you
push back against it, the tighter it becomes. It begins at tonight’s Council meeting, when we’ll
approve the expedition to stock the four remaining checkpoints—”

“Less than that,” Sahlo said. “You already restocked at least one checkpoint during your little
deviation from my proposed expedition, correct? Knowing your ambition and efficiency, it was
probably two.”

Erwin held his gaze, refusing to respond.

“Remember the purpose of this meeting, Smith: all cards on the table.”

“Forgive me if I’m not eager to show my cards. You haven’t exactly shown any that leave you
vulnerable.”

“True.” Sahlo took a moment to light his cigar, and then leaned back in his chair, blowing a smoke
ring in the air. “You’ve learned something about my mother—or you think you have, anyway. I’d
be happy to confirm your information.”

Erwin wished he’d had more time to prepare. He charged ahead with Levi’s suggestion: “Your
mother was a sex worker in the Underground. Your father fell in love and brought her to the
surface, but even though he tried to keep her origin a secret, everyone knows every other noble’s
business in Mitras, and rumors began to fly. His investors began to drift away, and the company
began losing money. By the time you were orphaned, the company was bankrupt.”

“Love is a distraction,” Sahlo said, as it to himself.

And how did you get from there to here? Erwin suddenly remembered his own desperation as a
teenager, when he had run to the Underground for paperwork and support. If Sahlo had blood ties
to the Underground, he would have been likely to do the same.

“Desperate to keep the family business afloat, you began to make business deals with the only
people who would respect you: your mother’s people. That’s when you began a working
relationship with Rage Klein. Maybe he knew your mother from her days as a sex worker, or
maybe you just sought out the strongest ally who wouldn’t care that the Sahlo line’s reputation
was tainted. You maintained your relationship with Rage even as you built new relationships with
nobles and, over time, repaired your family’s name.”

Sahlo was studying him with cocked brows, one corner of his mouth curled. “You’ve been doing
your homework.”

“I have documentation that proves your business alliance with Rage Klein.”

“Impressive.” The lord didn’t look even remotely concerned. “Is that all you’ve learned?”

Was this the best time to try to blackmail him? Erwin couldn’t shake the feeling that the lord was
holding back something. He decided to continue with the business aspect of Sahlo’s history and
keep his information about the Wallist Brother Étienne in his back pocket.

“You’ve co-opted the name Lord Hasek, using it to continue your shadier business practices. HDB
Shipping was one such company. You used it as bait—you intended for me to trace it back to you
from the very beginning, when you used Nile Dok to send us to that first silo. You’ve had your eye
on me for a very long time, since the days when you and Lobov were allies.” Erwin leaned forward
in his chair. “You seem to think I’ll be useful to you. I’m assuming it’s because you had confidence
in my strategic abilities and thought you could manipulate me into stealing tax gold from the
remaining silos—in which case, you were ten per cent correct. Yet I can’t honestly believe that
you’d keep playing a game with me for nearly five years without a larger goal in mind.”

“I had hoped you would have put that part together by now.” Sahlo knocked the ashes off his cigar,
and then inhaled, swishing the smoke in his mouth. “I told you, I don’t need your money.”

“But the Underground does.”

Sahlo’s lips curved into a smile. “Now you’re catching on.”

Erwin paced backwards through their conversation, and the pieces began to fit together. We’d be
better off looking at sustainable food growth …

He sat tall, staring the lord squarely in the eye. “You have a plan. One that allows you to
sustainably create food for the Underground population, but it’s expensive, so you need funding.
Originally, you partnered with Lobov, as he was known to have a vast family fortune, but you
quickly realized the two of you alone didn’t have enough liquid assets to subsidize your ambitious
project. In 844, Lobov moved forward on a plan to cancel the Survey Corps expeditions and funnel
the resulting excess funds into the Military Police budget; the MP is so corrupt that syphoning
money from their budget is as easy as greasing a few palms.”

Sahlo blew a smoke ring. “Our mistake was failing to notice how much power Shadis had given
you within the Survey Corps. Shadis would have rolled over to avoid conflict, but you were too
driven, too passionate, and you blindsided us. Your dogged pursuit of Lobov distracted him, and
that’s when he fell victim to your little ploy to recruit Levi. He was too paranoid to listen to my
warnings, but I managed to distance myself from him in time to avoid getting snared in your net.”

Connections were forming in Erwin’s mind, little strands of light strung between points, growing
brighter and stronger. “With that option lost and your business partner in jail, your backup plan was
to coax the Survey Corps into silo reclamations, intending to syphon the money to your venture
through HDB Shipping. I assume you thought I would be easier to control.”

“Passionate idiots are always the easiest to manipulate,” Sahlo said. “Unfortunately, it quickly
became apparent you weren’t an idiot. To control you, I would have to set up a game, one you felt
like you were winning.” His nose wrinkled and he took a sip of his tea. “I didn't expect you to play
so well.”

So you needed to play another angle at the same time. Erwin remembered the 3DMG-piercing
bullets they had encountered in the Underground. He stared the lord down. “You couldn’t get the
upper hand on me, and the money you were getting from the Survey Corps still wasn’t enough to
fund your venture, so you turned to Rage Klein. He proposed a deal: he would help fund you, and
in return, you would supply him with illicit high-technology weapons—at a nice profit margin for
yourself.”

“A narrow profit margin,” Sahlo said, holding up a finger, “in addition to a contract: his gang
would buy and distribute all food I channelled to the Underground.”

Erwin closed his mouth, trying to figure out where this new puzzle piece fit. He remembered
Leona mentioning that Sahlo had a connection to food distribution in the Underground.

“I’ll help you out,” Sahlo said. “I am, for all intents and purposes, Lord Hasek.”

The puzzle pieces still weren’t fitting together. Erwin felt a hot swell of frustration. He’s still in
control of this conversation, in spite of everything I’ve pieced together.

“ All nobles get plentiful food rations,” Sahlo continued. “It’s a dirty little secret known only to the
noble class. Thanks to a few well-timed false records and some helpful Underground connections, I
created Lord Hasek as a dummy lord to collect extra food rations. As a youth, I smuggled these
excess rations to the Underground, where Rage—well, his father, Raphael Sr.—would buy them
off me for a pittance. You’re correct, my mother had been an employee of the Klein family, and
Raphael Sr. threatened to publicly confirm my impure pedigree if I didn’t cooperate with his
demands.” Sahlo’s face flickered with sadness, then twisted back into its default smirk. “But he had
unwittingly given me an escape. I planned to disappear into the Lord Hasek name, if required.
Reinvent myself. But when Raphael Sr. died and Rage took over, he treated me like a peer, and we
became business partners. Since I no longer needed to disappear, the Lord Hasek name transitioned
to more widespread use among my associates.”

“I’m certain the Council would frown upon one of their own having long-standing dealings with an
Underground drug kingpin.”

Sahlo’s nose wrinkled. “Ah, yes, the drugs. I stayed away from that side of things. Too messy.
Rage has his dealings, I have mine.”

“You’re supplying him with weapons. You can’t possibly think those have nothing to do with the
drug trade.”

“They’re for self-defense,” Sahlo said, his brows low. “Food is disappearing, and the noble class is
getting frightened. We are only one more crisis away from those assholes suggesting an
Underground slaughter, eating their meat like they’re livestock. I’ll be damned if—” He seemed to
catch himself. He sat tall, silent.

“This sustainable food source you’ve been working on over the past several years,” Erwin said.
“You think it will prevent a food crisis?”

When Sahlo replied, his voice was calmer than it had been a moment ago. “Thanks to the funds
provided by people such as you and Rage, my team has zeroed in on a nutritive yeast that grows
quickly, provides most major nutrients, and doesn’t require much in the way of space or energy to
create. It’s derived from the preservative yeast your Survey Corps uses every day. It looks like
feces and tastes like bile, but it can provide the bulk of a population’s diet. We just need six more
months to start mass production.” He stared intently at Erwin. “We are on the cusp of eradicating
the current hunger crisis.”

“At a profit.”

“A small one. I need to make a living.”

“And what role do you need me to play?”

Sahlo smiled. “Astute. I need you to delay the reclamation effort until the fall of 850. As I said,
we’re only one crisis away from a cull. The mass death of the military would surely count as such a
crisis.”

“You’re doing a good job of delaying it on your own.”

“You underestimate your own charisma.” Sahlo took a last drag from the cigar, and then snuffed it.
“Zackly and Pixis trust you completely, and Dok has stars in his eyes whenever he talks about you.
Minister Nick thinks you’re a godless heathen, but that’s no surprise, and I’m not about to
underestimate your ability to appease him.” He folded his hands on the desk. “I’m tired of
wrestling for power with you, Smith. We’ve seen before that we make a good team when we
cooperate.”
Erwin studied him. “Your solution relies too heavily on the status quo. We need as many walls
between us and the titans as possible. We need space. The Underground denizens need sunlight.”

“And your solution relies too heavily on the delusion that it’s possible to reclaim Wall Maria.”

Their gaze held.

“I can delay the checkpoint stocks,” Erwin said. “But I cannot allow another harvest season to slip
by before Wall Maria is safely under our control.”

“I refuse to accept your half-assed compromise.” Sahlo’s voice tightened. “We’re running out of
time. If your reclamation effort fails, the government will turn on the Underground to keep the
peace. It may even be worse than that—who’s to say they’ll stop there? What’s more, the special
weapons won’t be ready in time for your proposed date, and both the MP and Rage have need of
them before you move on Wall Maria. I’ve made this very clear, Smith: I need you to agree to my
dates.”

Erwin stood. “Your yeast product sounds promising. The Survey Corps would be happy to endorse
it once the Wall is under our control.”

Sahlo stood, slamming his palms into the desk. “You have no clue what you’re doing, Smith.”

Erwin strode toward the door. The lord’s voice spoke behind him, softer:

“But that’s not the name I should call you, is it?”

He halted, stomach dropping. “You may call me Commander.”

“Before you go, Commander, I want to tell you a story. I think we have just enough time.”

Erwin turned.

Sahlo’s face was stony, his gaze sharp. He had never looked more dangerous. “This is a story
about a young boy whose father is taken away by the Military Police.”

The ground began to tilt beneath Erwin.

Sahlo wasn’t blinking. “The boy is taken, too, and he isn’t supposed to remember it, but somehow,
he does. After his father dies, the boy’s mother gives a fake name to the boy and his sister, a
common one no one would ever question. They disappear for a while, and then the boy surfaces in
the military. He’s a bright kid, top of his class. Everyone recognizes his talent, saying he’s going to
be Commander-in-Chief one day. But he surprises everyone and snubs the Military Police,
choosing the Survey Corps instead.”

Erwin marched to the desk, looming over the lord. “Enough.”

“Don’t interrupt. It’s rude.” Sahlo’s eyes narrowed. “Every soldier knows the Survey Corps’ role:
to aggressively face down the titans. The boy is different. Almost immediately, he begins
presenting strategies to try to evade titans, in pursuit of—what, exactly? Pushing deeper into titan
territory, to what end? A few people begin to get nervous, including his Commander. At first, the
boy’s strategies are amateurish and clumsy, but soon he begins to make sense, and eventually, his
Commander decides to trust him. Now the boy has everyone’s attention, and not all of it is good.
Even the Wallists are aware of him. Even the King.”

Erwin searched the lord’s eyes, trying to read him. Just how deep are Sahlo’s connections?
“ Nothing deters the boy . Even when society paints him as a villain, even when countless people
die beneath his command, he doesn’t slow. And now those interested parties are even more
concerned. What are the boy’s goals? How far will he go to achieve them? He is an unknown. He
must be reined in. He blindly charges forward, unaware of how tenuous his survival really is. It’s
only friends on the inside who keep him going, friends who insist he can be controlled. But even
that is a challenge, because the boy lives by his own moral code, and he stubbornly sticks to it to
the exclusion of all logic.”

Shivers ran down Erwin’s spine. This was too much new information all at once. Sahlo was
overloading him on purpose. He wants to throw me off balance, force me into decisions while I’m
reeling.

“ Are you implying you’re trying to protect me?” he said aloud.

“I’m implying it’s mutually beneficial if we renegotiate the terms of our alliance.” Sahlo’s hands
folded on the table again, the knuckles white. “This world is far, far, far more complex than either
you or your papa dreamed. Until now, you have been tolerated. Keep pushing forward, and that
will change. I’m not your friend, but I’m the closest thing to it.”

While Erwin’s gut instinct was to view Sahlo with suspicion, he remembered the conversation his
mother had overheard at the Wallist compound. She had assumed it had been Étienne pushing for
Erwin’s assassination, but what if she had mixed up the parties involved? What if Sahlo had
actually been trying to convince another Wallist to take a different approach? What if he was
tiptoeing around them for his own reasons?

Erwin felt an unexpected wave of fatigue. He was tired of dancing around Sahlo, and the Wallists,
and their investors, and the Council. Why couldn’t everyone see they were all fighting the same
war? The entire system is steeped in corruption.

There was only one way he was going to get anywhere: the system needed to be dismantled. Then
Wallists and lords like Sahlo and even the King himself would be unable to stand in humanity’s
way.

“ You’re wasting your energy and your time; I refuse to budge.” Erwin stood tall. “Our priorities
are clear: Wall Maria must be reclaimed as soon as possible.”

“I don’t think you understand,” Sahlo growled.

“I understand perfectly: you’re caught in a web, strung up between Rage Klein, the Wallists, the
Council, and maybe even the King. You’ve wrapped yourself in so many threads that you can no
longer move, and you need me to help free you.”

“You would condemn the people of the Underground to a mass culling?”

“A theory based on your paranoia.”

“But what if I’m right? How would you feel if everyone in the Underground was executed?”
Sahlo’s chin lifted. “How would Levi feel?”

Their eyes held.

Running boot steps sounded in the hallway outside. Erwin turned to face the door, his blood
running cold. He heard frantic murmurs. One of the voices was Hange

“Ah, just in time,” Sahlo said. “I wasn’t able to stop it from happening, but I was able to reduce its
severity. That’s what you need me for, Smith: I’m the only one on the inside who’s willing to be
reasonable.” He stood and tipped his hat. “I want you to think long and hard about the boy in my
story. Consider that I showed you all my cards today, and I would only be comfortable doing that if
I held all your cards in my hand. If you won’t listen to reason, maybe you’ll listen to fear.”

A knock sounded at the door, followed by Hange’s frantic voice: “Commander!”

“You should get the door,” Sahlo said. “It sounds important.”
 Fray - Part 1
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read, and for your amazing comments.

I want to take a moment to draw attention to two lovely pieces of fanart inspired (at
least in part) by HCT by shingeki-no-wallflower (a beautiful shaving scene with a
quote from HCT and a freaking gorgeous colour scheme!) and thebadgerssett (an
adorable pic of BFFs Levi & Marie with a wee bit of inspiration from HCT!Marie.)
Thank you both for thinking of me and for giving a shoutout to my fic! I hope you
don't mind me mentioning it here & storing your gorgeous artwork in my "amazing
gifts from amazing people" tag on Tumblr!

This chapter was loooong, so I've split it into two again. Chapter 32 & 33 go up today.
Chapter 34 will be a lighter, fluffier chapter to round out Part III, and then we'll get
into Part IV.

Previous chapter: Erwin and Hange head to the Capital to seek weapons investors and
meet with the Council, but Sahlo quickly becomes a priority. Sahlo is entering his
endgame. He lays everything out on the table for Erwin, including a plan to grow yeast
products to help the Underground, in exchange for high-powered weapons and a bit of
profit. It's clear he's growing desperate. As the chapter ends, their meeting is wrapping
up, and a frantic knock sounds at the door...

-32-

Fray (Part 1)

Levi watched as Erwin and Hange’s carriage disappeared down the road, leaving for the Capital.
He already felt lonely. It was going to be a long few days until they returned.

At least there was plenty to keep him busy in their absence. His first task, before he even looked at
his assignments from Erwin, was to find Mike. He strode straight to the san and, as expected, found
the Squad Leader at Nanaba’s bedside. Nanaba was sitting upright, eating a bowl of runny oatmeal.

Levi dropped to a seat beside Mike and peered at Nanaba. “How are you feeling, blondie?”

She gave him a polite smile. “Recovery’s slow but steady, Captain.”

“She’s able to sit up without too much pain,” Mike said, not looking at him. “That’s something.”
He hadn’t made eye contact since the night they had performed their impromptu procedure on the
woman, and Levi couldn’t tell if it was just a normal post-trauma reaction, or if Mike was
genuinely upset with how Levi had decided to treat the wound. Nanaba was alive, recovering, and
infection-free. That had to count for something.

Besides, it wasn’t as if Levi had made the decision to cauterize on a whim. Farlan had suffered
burns on his torso when he was young, and even as an adult, the scars had given him a lot of grief.
Choosing to inflict the same type of wounds on a colleague was something he would never do by
choice; it had been their only option. He hoped Mike was able to see that.

“Erwin’s gone. He left us assignments.” Levi paused, noting the purple circles visible under the
shaggy bangs. “We’ll start tomorrow. Maybe get some sleep.”

Mike nodded, hair flopping in his face.

“And a haircut,” Levi added.

Mike grunted, noncommittal.

“You should get some rest too, Nanaba.” Barely an hour into holding down the base, and Levi had
already asked Moblit, Mike, and Nanaba to rest. Maybe that would be his leadership style while
Erwin was away: making sure everybody got some fucking sleep.

He stood to leave, then squinted. Was that Petra in the bed in the corner? She grinned sheepishly at
him and waved her free hand; the other was in the process of being wrapped by a medic.

His brows furrowed. “What the hell did you do?”

“I was a bit overzealous during sparring, Captain. Bruised my first two knuckles pretty badly.”

“Hm. Up against Oluo, were you?” Only two things made Petra fight hard enough to bruise: a titan
and Oluo. Levi thought of his cracked nose, once upon a time, and realized he might count as a
third.

“Sorry, Captain,” Petra said. “He made a comment about fighting for my hand in marriage.”

“I’m surprised he’s not in here, too.”

“I think he’s too embarrassed.” Petra grinned. “I got him pretty hard.”

Levi found himself unable to muster sympathy. He had a high tolerance for banter between
soldiers, but not when it was outright disrespectful. “Next time, you tell him to come talk to me.”

“There you go,” said the medic, finishing the wrapping. “You’ll be good as new in a few days.
Don’t punch anything else in the meantime.”

“Thank you.” Petra hopped down from the bed. Even at her full height, she was shorter than Levi
—a novelty around the base. She saluted him. “Captain, I was wondering if you needed any help
while Commander Erwin was away.”

“Why would I need help?”

“Well … ” Her voice dropped and she leaned closer. “Squad Leader Mike looks like he’s not in the
right frame of mind to help out right now. Maybe you could use an assistant until he’s feeling
better?”

His mouth was already moving into position to deliver a ‘no’, but he glanced at Mike. Mike’s head
was bowed; he still hadn’t moved from Nanaba’s side.

Besides, he still felt badly about being unintentionally rude to Petra during their last sparring
session. He owed her a bit of kindness, and she seemed eager to help.
“Fine. But you’re still going to be expected to do your normal training on top of it. Well,
everything you can do with that messed-up hand.”

Petra smiled and saluted. “Thank you, Captain! Where shall I start?”

“Erwin left a list of tasks for me on my desk, but I haven’t read them yet. Come on.”

They proceeded to his office. Levi lit the boiler and pulled out two teacups, while Petra reached for
the list on his desk.

Panic flared in his chest. Erwin might have left “special” instructions for Levi on that list. He
lunged forward and snatched it out of her hand, scanning it.

“Oh,” Petra said. “I—”

“It’s fine.” Satisfied that there was nothing lewd or confidential, he handed it back. “Go ahead.”

Petra blinked at him a few times, then continued reading. Her confused look faded into
disappointment. “Half of these are cleaning tasks.”

Levi began to spoon tea leaves into the metal filter. “He knows I’ll spend most of the time making
everyone clean up the base no matter what his orders say, so he wants to pretend he’s the one who
gave the orders. Erwin’s a control freak like that.”

“The rest of these are admin tasks.” She was still frowning.

“What did you think I’d be doing while he was gone?”

“I don’t know. Strategy planning? Something more exciting than admin work.”

“Strategy is Erwin’s department. Besides, the Wall reclamation is less than six months away. The
most important thing we can do right now is spend our time training to make sure we’re in our best
possible shape for it.”

They began by sorting the soldiers into cleaning teams, focusing on each soldier’s cleaning
strengths. By the time daily training exercises were about to begin, the afternoon’s cleaning was all
planned, too.

As the soldiers gathered in the yard for their morning training, Levi read out their afternoon
cleaning team assignments, Petra at his side. A chorus of mutters and groans arose from the crowd,
and Petra narrowed her eyes at the offenders. The mutters stopped. Levi nodded at her, impressed.
He was never certain if it was her fierceness that inspired fear in others, or if her usual sweetness
made her displeasure that much more obvious, but when Petra glared, people took it to heart.

Next, they broke into their training teams. Levi’s squad was scheduled to train 3DMG in the yard,
while Mike’s squad would train calisthenics and hand-to-hand, and Hange’s squad had target
practice. Levi appointed Dita as the temporary leader of Mike’s squad, then asked Petra to lead the
target practice.

Petra’s eyes widened. “Me? Shouldn’t Eld or someone else be doing that instead?”

“Eld isn’t my assistant today. It’s easy. Just make them line up behind the targets and go through
several different types of throws. Make sure you get in some training, too. I’ve seen you miss easy
throws during the last couple scouting missions.”
Petra’s face fell, and Levi felt a twist of guilt. He had to remember Petra was extremely sensitive to
his criticisms; he also had to stop being so hard on her. Being hard on her won’t change what
happened to Isabel.

He leaned closer. “Besides, no one in Mike’s squad can touch you hand-to-hand. They’re already
shaken up enough about Mike and Nanaba. Don’t need you disheartening them any more by
beating the shit out of them.”

He wasn’t sure she believed him, but she smiled anyway and lifted her wounded hand. “I don’t
think that would be a problem today.”

“I still wouldn’t bet against you.” He turned and signalled for his squad to follow him.

They moved into the park behind the base; he sent teams into the trees to set up dummy targets. He
glanced at one of the benches on the path, struck by how much he missed Erwin. They often paced
these pathways at night, usually discussing work topics, but sometimes just stealing kisses behind
trees or, if they were feeling really brave, on benches. Now that he thought about it, it had been a
long time since they had done any kissing here at all.

After Wall Maria. So much will go back to normal after Wall Maria. That was the strength of their
relationship: it was flexible to work around their goals, like water finding its way through rocks.

He looked away from the benches, trying to ignore the ache in his chest.

They trained until lunch, then rotated stations after lunch. As the younger recruits went to a
classroom session to brush up on formations, the remaining soldiers assembled in their cleaning
teams. His squad tackled the laboratory—with Hange out and Moblit sleeping, this was their one
chance to do it without protest. They carefully skirted suspicious looking casings, beakers, and
powders, tidying up the rest of the mess. Cobwebs had built in the corners, and Levi swore he
could smell Hange’s armpits through the entire room. He tried to be angry, but he just felt lonely.
With Hange and Erwin away and Mike out of commission, he was short on friends.

At least Petra was keeping him company. After dinner, he brought her into his office and assigned
her the dullest paperwork he had, hoping to take advantage of her keenness before she fully
realized how boring the work was. She settled on a chair on one side of his desk, and he settled on
the other.

By midnight, they were both glassy-eyed and yawning. If Erwin had been present, Levi would have
put on the kettle and prepared for a long night of work together, but he found his eyelids drooping.
It was as if being around Erwin gave him the energy to push past his body’s limitations. He stood
and set his paperwork aside. “I’m fucking wiped.”

Petra smiled brightly at him. “Perhaps it’s a good time to turn in. Thank you, Captain. This was
fun.”

“Fun?” He wrinkled his nose. “You were filling out expense forms.”

“I felt useful.”

He tapped his papers against the desktop to even the edges. “You’re always useful. You’ve got
more assists than anyone else in the Corps. Be proud of that, kiddo.” He froze the instant the far-
too-familiar nickname left his lips. There he was, equating her to Isabel again.

Petra was quiet.

He shrugged off his embarrassment. “Get some sleep. There’s more work tomorrow if you want to
help out again.”

“Thank you, Captain.” She saluted, then left the room.

He lifted his gaze to watch her leave. What was it about her that made him miss Isabel so much?
Both Erwin and Hange had told him they didn’t see the resemblance when he had expressed the
comparison, but neither of them had known Isabel like he had. Maybe it was the way Petra looked
up to him with stars in her eyes, just like Isabel had. Big brother …

Isabel had never understood just how much he had needed her . Her goofiness and optimism had
been sunshine in the dreary Underground. She had been genuinely funny, sometimes by accident,
sometimes on purpose. He couldn’t count how many times she had clowned around to make them
laugh, and then Farlan would start up with his stupid, snorting guffaw. Levi had never been able to
maintain a straight face with the two of them around.

“Fuck.” He raked a hand through his hair, trying to claw his way out of this sinkhole, but he was
only sinking deeper. Now he was remembering the two of them teaming up against him, trying to
make him smile. Their last Christmas together, 843, they had dragged a filthy tree into the house,
so scraggly it was barely a branch. He had lectured them on muddying up his floors, and they had
responded by wrapping him in the garland meant for the tree, laughing at his growling protests.
And that horrible “feast”: stolen military supplies, thick with the taste of yeast that had been so
foreign back then.

But then after dinner, they had surprised Levi with a birthday gift: a small bag of sweets, a salt
water taffy placed carefully at the top. That night, he had held it to his chest, a tear rolling down
his cheek, feeling loved and appreciated in a way he didn’t know how to reciprocate.

The door opened.

His head snapped up.

Petra stepped into the room, then jumped. “Oh, sorry, Captain, I thought you left right behind me. I
left my jacket on the chair.”

He didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded and sat stiffly, waiting for her to grab the jacket and leave.
As she approached, however, her face dropped.

“Captain.” She hesitated. “Are you okay?”

He was exhausted. “Ever have those nights where things from the past come back to haunt you for
no fucking reason?”

Her eyes widened. “Maybe? I think about fallen comrades a lot—”

“No, I mean … family.” Why was he saying this? She’s not Isabel. You can’t be this open with her.

“ Oh.” She shrugged. “I’m lucky; my family life is pretty good. I mean, Mom and Dad would
rather I dropped out of the military to get married—”

“I thought your mother was dead.”

She stared blankly at him.

“Sofi Lalonde,” he said. “When I first met you. You said your mother died when you were young.”
“Oh. That was just part of the cover story I made up.” She hesitated. “You remembered that
detail?”

He wasn’t sure why that particular detail had been so important to him. The inside of his head was
stretching, twisting. I wish I could remember—

“ Are you remembering your family?” she asked.

“No.” He paused. “Your family wants you to leave the military?”

“Well, they want me to go back to the Military Police, meet a nice man and give them grandkids.”
She snorted. “I’d rather not, though. Get married. Not yet. I mean, my husband would have to
understand military life. And most of the men here are taken … or they’re Oluo.”

He wasn’t sure why she had volunteered so much information, but the company was giving him
something to focus on other than the weird twisting in his head. “Military relationships are hard.”
He thought of Berit. He thought of Erwin. “Lots of extra stress.”

There was a long pause, then she said, a bit timidly, “It sounds like you’re speaking from
experience?”

He tried to think like Erwin: he sidestepped the question. “The stress of it doesn’t seem to stop
people. So many new recruits fucking in supply closets and classrooms like animals, leaving gobs
in the corners, staining their uniforms.”

Her nose wrinkled. “That’s disgusting.”

“Yeah.”

“I guess people get lonely, and they cling to each other to feel a bit less lonely.”

“Yeah.” He thought of Erwin again. Now the twisting was in his chest as well as his head.

He realized Petra was staring at him. Was he showing too much emotion? He drew his face into
neutral.

“I bet it’s worth the stress, though,” Petra said, eyes shining. “If you find the right person.”

Sunshine and optimism.

“ Yeah, probably.” He thought of Ehrmich, of the sunset on the hill. “Don’t write it off just yet.”

“What?”

“Love. Getting married. These things can sneak up on you out here.” He pictured Erwin on one
knee, proposing a future they would probably never live to see. “One day, you’ll look at someone
you’ve seen day after day, and you’ll realize everything’s different. Yeah, you’ve seen them on the
battlefield at their worst, covered in blood and worn down, and you thought you knew them better
than anyone else in the world. But then this one day, you’ll be listening to them speaking, and
you’ll realize you’re anticipating their mannerisms and the cadence of their speech. And maybe
you already trusted them, and maybe you already would have fought to the death to protect them
anyway, but somehow you feel an even deeper bond than that. You don’t know how it happened,
but they’re just suddenly important. ”

He still wasn’t sure when, exactly, the shift had happened. Even when Wall Maria had fallen, when
he had first seen Erwin as human, there had still been a divide between them. Somehow, by the
time Erwin put his arms around him for the first time, that divide had already closed.

Petra was looking down, a small smile on her lips. “I think I know what you mean.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. There … might be someone special to me.”

“Huh.” Maybe opening up this much wasn’t so bad, if it was going to make her feel a little better
about her own situation. “Well then, as your Captain, I say go ahead. Have fun. But beware of
military fraternization rules. I don’t want one of my best soldiers getting suspended just because
she’s horn—” He quickly reconsidered his phrasing. “Just don’t get caught.”

Her cheeks were bright red, but she was smiling. That should make up for all the times I’ve made
her feel like shit lately.

“ Get some sleep.” He stood. “You’re going to help me with more paperwork tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Captain.” She pulled on her jacket and saluted, then left.

He carried the lamp to his room, locking the door behind him. The shirt he had taken from Erwin
that morning was folded in his closet. He lifted the collar to his face and breathed in. Memories
rose to his mind of the night before, when they had taken the shirt off together in-between long
kisses. He stripped to his underwear, then pulled it over his head; it came almost to his knees, the
sleeves hanging to his fingertips. The fabric was worn and soft.

He slid into bed and curled on his side, his eyes heavy.

In Levi’s dreams, Sahlo was holding his knife, using it to slash Erwin’s neck, backhanded, from
ear to ear.

Levi’s eyes snapped open. The sound of Erwin’s gurgling breath was still echoing in his mind, and
so he wasn’t certain, at first, if the noise from the window was real.

The silhouette, however, was undeniably real. It stood outside his window, carefully balanced on
the ledge, backlit by faint lamplight from below. There was the sound again: metal sliding between
window panes. The silhouette was trying to open the window latch with a file or a knife.

It can’t be a random thief. No one would break into a military base. It must be an assassin.

Levi’s heart beat in his throat. If he rushed in now, he could knock the intruder out the window,
but the fall would kill them. No chance for interrogation.

He reached for the knife on his bedside table, then remembered he had sent it off with Erwin. He
quickly ticked through his room in his mind, mapping escape routes and makeshift weapons.

Another sliding sound. So the intruder was inexperienced; an expert assassin would have opened
the window on the first try.

This fight’s already over. He had superior skill, knowledge of his room’s layout, and the element
of surprise. All he had to do was wait.

And wait.
He was just starting to get bored when the window swung open, noiseless. So you took the time to
oil the hinges—maybe you aren’t a complete idiot.

The intruder rushed toward him.

Levi waited until the shadow was right beside him, then barrelled into it at stomach-height and
rammed it against the corner of the desk. A deep voice yelled and hands groped at him, trying to
fight back, but he was already spinning, throwing the intruder over his head.

A thud. The intruder lay on the floor, stunned.

Levi grabbed a letter opener from the desk and lunged at the fallen intruder, but he paused.

Light appeared in the cracks around the door.

Shit—

He shielded his eyes, but the door swung open before he was ready, and the light blinded him.

“Help,” the intruder wheezed.

He brought friends , Levi thought, already barrelling toward the door. After a couple blind stabs,
the letter opener landed in soft flesh; he dove to the side and rolled toward the corner. There was a
broom there he could use as a staff. He scrabbled at empty air. His roll had come up short. He
crawled forward, his eyes still slowly adjusting to the brightness.

The hair on the back of his neck moved.

He ducked to the side and felt a sting of metal glance his cheek. His hand closed over the broom
handle; he rolled and lifted it in time to block a heavy blow from a sword. His attacker struggled;
Levi shoved, and the figure tumbled backwards.

A smash. The lamp. A puddle of oil caught fire.

“Mike,” Levi roared, wondering why the hell he hadn’t come running yet. He stepped back from
the blaze, his eyes finally adjusted enough to see his attackers.

He froze.

The three attackers slunk toward him, ignoring the blaze quickly building behind them. Two men
—blond and black-haired—and a girl with fiery red hair in pigtails. Sunshine and optimism.

“ What the fuck is this?” he growled, holding his broom in front of him.

They looked uncertain. Young. One of them had a gun like the ones Rage’s group had used against
them in the Underground. Another held military swords, and the girl held a knife.

“Mike!” he yelled, louder this time. He knew Mike was a heavy sleeper, but to sleep through the
smell of a blaze, too?

He’s in the san with Nanaba, he realized, his stomach sinking. And since Erwin had gone to such
great lengths to make sure they were in an isolated section of the base, no one was going to hear his
cries for assistance.

The trio was still inching forward, their hands shaking.

Levi sank squarely into his stance. “You know I only need to question one of you, right?”

The trio exchanged glances.

“You.” He nodded at the dark-haired boy. “Your bones are the smallest. I’ll crack each of them,
one by one, until you talk. And if you don’t, your neck is last, and then—” He nodded at the
redhead. “I’ll start with your bones next.” His stomach was in knots. “That’s if you come out of
this alive.”

The girl barked, “Now!”

The three converged.

Levi kicked the blond away and blocked the other boy’s swords, ducking and twisting to avoid the
slash of the knife. He threw out his leg and swept out four legs. The blond had recovered and
darted forward. Levi slammed the end of the broom handle into his gut. The boy dropped. Levi
stomped on his shin for good measure; the bone snapped, and the boy howled.

Now all three of them were on the ground, and the fire was licking across the last of the oil. He
couldn’t tell yet if the floor was going to catch, but if it did, the whole building could be at risk. He
ran for the bed and yanked off the quilt with his free hand, dropping it over the flames to snuff
them.

The girl was trying to stand; he swung the broom against her head. She fell, unconscious.

The dark-haired boy rose to his feet. He looked even less certain now than before, but he charged.

Levi spun the broom as he sidestepped, slamming the handle down on the bones of the boy’s
forearm so hard that the broom handle snapped. The boy yelped and dropped his swords.

Levi grabbed him by the hair and drove a jagged point of the broken handle against his throat,
stopping just shy of breaking the skin. “Talk,” he growled.

The boy spat at him.

Levi grabbed the boy’s hand and twisted. The wrist cracked, and the boy screamed.

“Shut up. Who sent you?”

“I can’t—”

Levi stomped his toes, trying to ignore the swell of satisfaction as he felt bones break beneath his
weight. “The human body only has so many bones, kid, and yours are all brittle.”

“Fuck!” The boy dropped to the ground, grabbing his foot. “You fucking psycho!”

“Is he worth protecting?” Levi asked, squatting beside him. “Or just paying well?”

“Hasek,” whimpered the boy. “We were sent by Lord Hasek.”

Even though it was no surprise, Levi’s eyes narrowed.

He strode over to the quilt, gingerly lifting it to make sure the flames were out. Then he moved to
the door.

“You so much as move from that spot, and I’ll make sure you never move again.”
The boy’s only response was a soft sob; he was still preoccupied with his foot.

Levi strode down the hallway, giving shrill whistles as he strode toward the other quarters, trying
to attract the attention of anyone who might be in earshot.

A small figure came running toward him, carrying a candle.

“Captain? Are you bleeding?”

“Petra?” He looked down and saw blood spatters across Erwin’s shirt. Fuck. “ You patrolling?”

She came to a halt in front of him, still dressed in her uniform. “Yeah, I couldn't sleep.”

“You missed a spot.” He pointed at his room. “Go get Mike and tell him he’s helping me question
three assassins. We’ll need to move them to the cells downstairs.”

Her eyes widened. “Captain, are you okay?”

“Erwin’s gone for one single day, and his politics explode in my face.” He whirled on his heel and
strode toward the room. “I’ll see if I can get more information out of them by the time you return
with Mike.”

Petra was eager—a little too eager—to help with the questioning, but Levi sent her to organize
emergency patrols of the yard instead. There were some tasks only suited to a veteran soldier.

Instead, Mike guarded the cell door while Levi questioned their captives. It didn’t take much more
pressure to get them to talk. They were just dumb kids from the Underground, desperate for a job.

“He said he liked the look of us,” the blond said.

Because you look like me, Farlan and Isabel. Levi tried not to let it get to him, but he was
exhausted. He walked away, leaving them to Mike. “Maybe get them some morphine, if you’re
feeling generous. I’ll send out a runner to the Garrison, and another to Erwin.” The Garrison could
transfer the prisoners to the Military Police for processing. He would report it as a break-and-enter
gone wrong, not an assassination attempt. The courts would go easier on them that way.

He wrote out his report and sent Eld to the Capital to deliver it to Erwin. He sent Gunther to the
Garrison. He asked Oluo, Nifa and Gelgar to clean his room—there was ash, oil, and blood to deal
with. Likely he would have to redo their work later, but he was too exhausted to deal with it himself
right now.

Once all that was taken care of, he dropped to a seat at his desk, staring at nothing.

Sahlo’s voice rose in his mind: I will go through anything, and anyone, to get him to cooperate—
and I’ll start with his lover.

His jaw clenched. Erwin was strong enough to withstand this type of pressure, wasn’t he?

I can’t be his weakness. Not now, when we’re so close to reclaiming the Wall.

Petra poked her head in his doorway. “Sir?”

“What?”
“Are you okay?”

He shrugged, annoyed by her persistence. “What do you think?”

“I could make you a cup of tea. You’re probably a bit shaken.”

He paused. If the alternative was considering the detriments of Erwin being in love with him, he
could use the distraction. “Yeah, okay.”

She smiled and closed the door, then lit the hot plate beneath his kettle. “That shirt looks a little big
on you.”

He felt his cheeks flush; he looked away. “They mixed up my laundry once. It was comfortable.
Too bad it’s fucked now; bloodstains never come out.” Of fabric … of hands.

He thought of the murders he had committed in the Underground. Was Sahlo going to find a way to
use that against Erwin, too? Or was he using other tactics? No matter how often Erwin pretended
he would go to any lengths to achieve his goals, he had too many pressure points: Levi, his family,
the Doks, even Berit.

And I’m the biggest weakness of all.

The conversation they had started in the tree overlooking Wall Maria had never been addressed,
not properly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If Erwin returned and he had stood up to
Sahlo’s pressure tactics, then everything was fine. But if he returned and Levi had been his
weakness, they would have to revisit the treetop conversation. And this time, they would finish it,
one way or another.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

“Here,” Petra said.

He opened his eyes to see a mug of tea. It was a bit weak for his liking, but he appreciated the
gesture. She took a mug of her own and sat beside him.

“How are you holding up?”

Levi gave a low sigh. “I wish Erwin was coming back sooner. We need to talk about how this
changes everything around here—base defense plans and all that.” And us.

Petra smiled. “You think very highly of the Commander, don’t you? You mention him a lot when
he’s not around.”

“I do?” That was something Hange had pointed out, too, before he and Erwin had even kissed for
the first time. “Well, he’s my direct superior, so it makes sense. I bet you end up talking about me a
lot when I’m not around, just because you’re referring to my orders.”

Her cheeks darkened and she stared into her teacup. “Maybe a bit.”

In moments like this, he wondered if there was some truth to Erwin’s constant assertions that Petra
had developed a crush on him. She was sweet and gentle with everyone—well, almost everyone—
so it was difficult to tell, but her expression now was unusually bashful. I should probably do
something to discourage that.

Before he could think of what to say, Petra spoke: “There are some … rumours about you and the
Commander.”

“Rumours,” he repeated, chest tightening. Is that how Sahlo found out?

“ About how you joined the Survey Corps. It’s none of my business. I can tell you two are very
close, that’s all.”

His eyes narrowed at Petra as he assessed her expression . “ What do these rumours say?”

“That Commander Erwin brought you into the Corps.”

“That’s it? That’s not a very juicy rumour.”

“Well … ” She hesitated, and he held his breath. “They say you’re from the Underground. That
you were a violent criminal.”

He released his breath. “I see. What do you think?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged a little. “I met you when you were breaking into the MP
headquarters, and you seemed to know what you were doing. But you were probably just following
Commander Erwin’s orders, so it doesn’t necessarily mean you were an experienced criminal.”

He decided not to confirm it one way or another. “Well, it’s true that I’m here because of Erwin,
but I’ll let you figure out the rest of it yourself.”

“I see.”

She already looked like she knew more than she was letting on. He suddenly realized how tired he
was of secrecy. There was a kind face right in front of him who could help support him while
Erwin, Hange, and Mike were out of reach.

“You’re right,” he said quietly. “We’re very close. I hate that he’s in the Capital right now and I’m
not at his side to protect him. When he gets the message about what happened tonight, I’m not
going to be there to talk him through it, and sometimes he overthinks things like this. I guess that’s
why I keep mentioning him. We rely on each other a lot.”

Petra’s face was soft. “At least Squad Leader Hange is there with him.”

“I guess.” Hange was a decent conversationalist, but Levi knew Erwin inside and out. “Look, just
keep this conversation between the two of us, okay? There are people out there who would try to
get to him through me, or the other way around, if they knew how important we were to each
other.”

“Oh. Is that what happened tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I won’t tell a soul,” she said solemnly. “You know I can keep a secret. I never did tell
anyone about what happened at the MP HQ when we first met.”

“I suppose you didn’t,” he said, relieved that she understood.

A knock sounded at the door, followed by Hange’s frantic voice: “Commander!”

“You should get the door,” Sahlo said. “It sounds important.”

Erwin clenched his jaw as he strode to the door. He threw it open.

Hange grabbed him by the collars. “Erwin! Levi’s been attacked.’

His stomach dropped. “What’s his status?”

“The Captain’s fine, sir.” Eld appeared on his left, saluting. He was out of breath. “Three assassins:
two men, one woman. I have a full report.” He pulled out an envelope.

Erwin pushed Hange’s hands off his collars and grabbed the envelope.

Three assassins. Dumb kids from the Underground. ‘Lord Hasek’ sent them. Didn’t take much
pressure to get them to talk. Garrison will collect them soon. They’ll detain them until we give the
release order in case we need them to speak in court.

He picked them because they looked like me, Farlan, and Isabel. He’s fucking with our heads.
Watch your back, Erwin.

-Levi

Pressure began to build deep inside Erwin; he swallowed hard, fighting to suppress it. He whirled
and stormed into Sahlo’s office. The lord was leaning back in his chair, a half-smirk on his face.

“You’re getting reckless,” Erwin said, tone leaden.

“Reckless? Ha!” Sahlo leaned forward, slamming the chair’s front legs to the floor. “I’m showing
restraint. My cohorts wanted to kill him, slit his throat from ear to ear. I managed to convince them
to scare him a little instead, maybe remind him where he came from. I told you, Erwin: I’m the
closest thing you have to a friend right now.”

Eld came to a halt on Erwin’s left, Hange on his right. No, Erwin thought, I have many more
friends than you think.

“ You just confessed to your involvement in front of three witnesses,” he said aloud.

“Do they know?” Sahlo asked.

Erwin didn’t respond, certain he was about to be baited, but the lord pressed ahead without waiting
for an answer:

“Do they know you and Captain Levi are in a romantic relationship?”

Eld’s eyes snapped to him. Hange stood very still.

Erwin ignored his dread, forcing a raised brow instead. “A romantic relationship? One of your
informants must have a twisted sense of humour.”

“Don’t play dumb, Smith. Here’s what’s going to happen: you’re going to cooperate, or I’m going
to break you.” Something flickered across the lord’s face: was that pity? It disappeared before
Erwin could identify it.

The pressure inside him was bubbling to the surface, and he wasn’t sure he could keep it back
much longer. He held Sahlo’s gaze for another moment, then turned and strode for the door. “I
don’t have time for your mind games. Hange, Eld: we’re leaving.”
“How much do your goals mean to you?” the lord called. “How much are you willing to sacrifice?”

“There is no personal cost too great,” Erwin said without looking back. “I will see you at the
Council meeting, Lord Sahlo.”

They were silent as they marched down the hallway. Erwin glanced back; Eld looked away.

“Eld,” he said. “About—”

“I won’t tell anyone, sir.” Eld wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“Good. It won’t help our political situation if we spread baseless rumours. Come with us to our
hotel room; you can sleep while Hange and I attend the Council meeting. I’ll leave you a written
message you can take to Captain Levi when you’ve rested.” The poor lad must be exhausted.

He wanted to ask how Levi was doing, but Eld already seemed shaken by the prospect that they
might be romantically involved. He didn’t want to compound his anxieties.

Luckily, Hange jumped in: “Is Levi okay?”

“Yes, Squad Leader, though he seemed a bit unsettled by the questioning he and Squad Leader
Mike performed on the prisoners. I asked Petra to keep an eye on him.”

Erwin was shaken by the sudden memory of blood dripping down Levi’s nose and chin. How must
he be feeling now, having to tap into that side of himself—and against prisoners who looked like
his friends, no less?

This whole situation was starting to look like every nightmare he’d had since the beginning of their
relationship: he had led Levi straight into the maws of a titan, bitten him clean in half. How had
Sahlo found out? They had been careful to cover their tracks. They always went to their apartment
at separate times, taking different routes and checking for people tailing them. They were careful to
have legitimate business reasons for every trip they ever took—except that one trip to Utopia
district, but they had used fake identification and Erwin had taken care to keep their names off any
waybills and room names.

The leak had to be a person. Leona was an obvious option, though he had never mentioned a
romantic relationship, so she would have been guessing. Nile was another obvious option. He
trusted Nile, in theory, but there was always the option Nile would crack under duress to protect
his family.

Still, that seemed unlikely. Either Sahlo was bluffing, or one of the Survey Corps soldiers was
spying and reporting back to him.

“We need to implement emergency security measures at the base,” he said aloud. “If Sahlo is this
desperate to get to me, there’s no telling what he’ll do. I’ll do what I can to get him ousted from the
Council, but in the meantime, we’re going to have to make some adjustments.”

“Adjustments?” Hange repeated.

“All leave from the base must now be approved on a case-by-case basis by a Squad Leader,
Captain Levi, or me—even day trips into town. As well, all correspondence must be screened.”

“What? We can’t start treating our own like prisoners.”

“Three assassins successfully broke into an officer’s bedroom and attempted to kill him—this is a
grave situation. This won’t be permanent. We’ll drop the extra security after Sahlo has been
neutralized, or after the Wall is reclaimed. In the meantime, however, we must protect our goals,
and that means protecting our people.” He stopped at the stairway that led to the main entrance.
“I’ll take it upon myself to explain this to the soldiers. I’m sure everyone will understand.”

“They’ll understand, sir,” Eld said. “Everyone is focused on reclaiming the Wall, and we’re ready
to sacrifice anything necessary to reach it.”

Hange looked less certain, but there was no time to address any concerns.

“You two go back to the hotel,” Erwin said. “I have to speak with Zackly.” Maybe he had time to
fact-check some of Sahlo’s claims before the Council meeting.

The Commander-in-Chief was still wearing his coat and scarf when Erwin knocked on his door.

“I need to speak with you urgently,” Erwin said, pulling into a salute.

“Oh?” Zackly pulled off his glasses, wiping condensation off them. “It can’t wait until the
meeting?”

“No, sir. This update is for your ears only.”

“Very well. Come in.”

Erwin sat at the broad desk, waiting patiently while the Commander-in-Chief hung up his jacket
and scarf.

“I assume this is about Lord Sahlo?” Zackly asked as he settled into his chair.

“Indeed. There was a security breech at the Survey Corps base in Trost: an assassination attempt on
Captain Levi. Lord Sahlo admitted to being involved—to me and two other witnesses.” He
explained the entire conversation in detail, leaving out the accusation of a love affair.

“It sounds like you’re building a sizable body of evidence,” Zackly said. “With the witness
accounts, this might be enough to convict him of obstruction of military procedure, if it goes to
trial. The problem is this: Lord Sahlo has access to the best lawyers within the Walls.”

Erwin set his jaw. “He’ll work with them to delay the trial long enough to delay the reclamation
schedule I’ve set out, so he’ll get what he wants, anyway.”

Zackly nodded. “And he’ll drag your name—and the entire Survey Corps—through the mud.
You’ve done an admirable job of saving your regiment from complete dissolution; I don’t expect it
to hold together if you’re out of the picture. I’m sorry, Erwin. I acknowledge Sahlo is a problem,
but I can’t allow you to pursue this.”

“I see.”

“On a happier note, I’m now convinced that you and Levi were right to go to the Underground to
try to figure out this rat’s motives. I’ll be waiving all charges. You no longer need to focus on
getting me conclusive proof of his attempts to delay the expedition: I can see that for myself.”
Zackly’s face was kind. “You have enough to worry about already. I’m sorry the law can’t help
you this time, but I expect you’ll figure out a way to keep him at bay so your Wall Maria plans can
proceed.”

Is he acknowledging I’ll take extreme actions against Sahlo? Erwin subtly scratched the inside of
his boot, feeling the hilt of Levi’s knife. They were up against a wall.

Violence was one way out.

It wouldn’t be a permanent solution, of course. Sahlo clearly had powerful friends, and eliminating
him wouldn’t end the threat. It might, however, delay it long enough to buy them the time they
needed.

Levi would want to be the one to do it, but Erwin couldn’t allow that to happen. He thought of Levi
sitting in the corner of the hotel room, shaking, hands raw. No, he had already asked too much of
Levi, pushed him too deeply into parts of himself he had worked hard to bury.

His last hope was to sway the Council to his favour, to use that charisma Sahlo feared. If he
succeeded at that, maybe nothing more extreme would be necessary. But if that failed …

There is no personal cost too great.

There was that pressure again: a restless energy, building in his limbs.

“Is that all, Erwin?” Zackly asked.

Erwin was about to stand and salute, but he paused. “Sir, I have a question. Off the record. In my
conversations with Lord Sahlo, we spoke of the last failed reclamation effort. He claimed the
reason he pushed so hard for that plan was to block the original plan, one that involved
slaughtering the residents of the Underground.”

“Ah. You want to know if such a plan existed.” Zackly lowered his chin, eyeing him over the
frame of his glasses. “It did. There was a great deal of worry that the Colossal and Armoured titans
would return to knock out Wall Rose. If that happened, the survivors were to be evacuated to the
Underground, using it for its original intended purpose: a safe haven from the titans. Priority was
to be given to the most valued members of society. That meant taking out its weakest citizens. The
nobles argued that the weakest might as well be expended right away, while humanity was still
shaken by the fall of Wall Maria, before the Underground could form a resistance and block them
out of the shelter.”

Erwin’s stomach churned. “Sahlo mentioned a plan to use the people of the Underground as meat.”

Zackly stared at him, brows high, eyes and mouth round, before he recovered into a neutral
expression again. “That sounds like paranoid ramblings. I’ll admit the nobles often have their own
self-serving motives and contingency plans, but they aren’t monsters. If they were cannibals,
they’d be no better than the titans.”

“You may be right. He may be paranoid. However, I’d be more inclined to cooperate with him if I
found he was speaking the truth. Is this something you have the authority to look into?”

Zackly squinted at him. “You’re asking me for a favour?”

“Yes.”

“After all I’ve done recently for you and your Captain—unusual promotions, covering murder?”

“Yes, sir.” Erwin held his gaze. “I wouldn’t normally commit such a brash disregard of our chain
of command, but these are extenuating circumstances. Humanity’s future depends on it.”

“I do have access to restricted records. I’ll see what I can do. If what you say were true … ” Zackly
grimaced and leaned back in his chair.

“Let’s hope Sahlo is just trying to manipulate me.” Erwin stood and saluted.

When he returned to the hotel room, Eld had passed out on the bed; Hange strode up to Erwin.
“Are you okay?”

He stared blankly for a moment.

“I thought you might be concerned about Levi.”

“Levi is capable of taking care of himself,” Erwin said. He glanced at Eld. “Did he believe Sahlo?”

“About you and Levi? Yeah. He’s wrestling with it. I think a lot of the soldiers see you two as
unfeeling gods. Shock to them to find out you’re driven by base needs like the rest of them.”

“Is he a security risk?”

“No. Eld’s as loyal as they come.” Hange hesitated. “How did Sahlo find out?”

“The same way he found all the other information about me, I imagine.” In spite of Sahlo’s
insistence that he was laying everything on the table, he had revealed very little about how much
information he held. It wasn’t just Levi: Nile and Marie might be in danger. Jasper. Leona. And
what about his mother and sister? Levi being threatened was bad enough, but how many people
was Sahlo willing to go through to get him to change his mind?

The restless pressure was still building inside him, and he knew nothing good could come if it
erupted. He took a steadying breath and tried to vent it with honesty:

“I’m having second thoughts about my plan.”

Hange blinked at him. “Really?”

He glanced at Eld again, then decided he wanted to ensure the conversation was private. He
cocked his head at the other room; Hange followed him, shutting the door behind him.

“His arguments were compelling,” Erwin admitted. “I still don’t agree with him, but I’m starting to
wonder if pushing back against him gains us the advantage I thought. Besides, if he figured out
Levi and I are in love, there’s no telling what else he’s figured out, too. He’s already admitted it’s
convenient for him if the Survey Corps is out of the way—what if he’s prepared to dismantle the
entire regiment?”

“What would Levi do right now?” Hange asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You always go straight to Levi when you’re upset. He’s not here, but I am. So what would he do
to help you?” After a pause, Hange’s nose wrinkled. “Don’t say sex.”

He considered. “He would encourage me to talk through it and listen carefully, asking questions
now and then. Maybe make a crass joke or two, insult me a bit until I smiled.”

“Okay, then.” Hange strode to the table and pulled out a chair for him. “Sit down, shitbrows.”
“Shitbrows?”

“I’m trying to think like Levi. How about I make us tea and hold the mug like I don’t know what a
handle is? Then I’ll act tough and distant while secretly hanging on to every word you say.”

Erwin chuckled and sat. “Is that really how you see Levi?”

“Absolutely.”

Once the tea was ready, he talked through his entire conversation with Sahlo, adding in his
thoughts and observations. Hange listened, nodding along. When he finished, silence filled the
room. He didn’t feel any better.

“Usually,” he said quietly, “this type of thinking aloud helps me arrive at an obvious solution, but
I’m just as confused as before.”

“I see.” Hange’s glasses clinked onto the table as the Squad Leader massaged the red marks they
left behind. “Maybe I’m not asking enough questions.”

“No, you’re a good listener. This happens to be a problem with no obvious solution.” He slumped a
little and rolled his head back against the chair, letting out a low sigh. He closed his eyes. “What if
I’m stubbornly pressing ahead with the wrong plan? Sahlo’s a bully, but his points are valid. If he’s
correct about the potential fate of the Underground—and Zackly is looking into that, so we should
know soon enough—then what right do I have to sacrifice everyone around me for a worse plan?”

“May I ask you a question?” Hange asked.

His eyes opened. “Of course.”

“Why do you want to stick to your timeline?”

“To get to Wall Maria early enough to ensure we can grow crops before winter.”

“There’ve been plenty of missed harvest seasons until now. Food supplies have been dwindling
since the day the Wall fell. What makes it so urgent this time?” Hange studied him with that too-
intense gaze, even more piercing without the glass shield. “Is this really about food?”

He looked down into his empty mug, considering. Yes, there was more; he had simply latched onto
the most concrete, most convenient excuse.

“We’re so close to reclaiming the Wall,” he said. “So close. Once that’s reclaimed, the Survey
Corps will be free to once again seek answers about this world. We’ve spent half a decade and
hundreds of lives just to get back to where we started. I’m losing patience.”

He swore Hange’s eyes twinkled. “There’s the spirit of the Survey Corps. That’s why we follow
your command. And do you think Sahlo’s timeline would increase our chances of successfully
recapturing the Wall?”

He was still processing all the information Sahlo had given him, so it took him a minute to answer.
“Marginally, but not as much as he claims. He’s pretending his weapons will give the MP a great
advantage against the titans, but we all know that’s ridiculous; there’s no way to take down a titan
with a gun, no matter how powerful it is. He’s also pretending his yeast supplement will save the
world from starvation, but it’s shortsighted. There’s no telling how a population’s health will fare
on yeast alone, and if he controls the only supply of it, we’ll end up in a similar situation with
class-based access to food—maybe different classes than before, but still not universal. Besides …
” He held Hange’s gaze. “What kind of life is it, eating yeast, waiting for the day the Colossal and
Armoured titans return to take Wall Rose? We can’t hunker down and resign ourselves to merely
surviving—not while there’s still hope of reclaiming Wall Maria. We deserve to be free.”

Hange smiled, gesturing at him with an open palm. “There you go—that’s your new counter-
argument. That’s what will get those stuffy Council members to listen.”

“Maybe.”

“The Survey Corps believes in you because we know you can look at two impossible situations and
commit to one, then make it possible.”

He said nothing, his jaw tight. Phrased that way, it sounded more like gambling than strategy.
Were his new doubts the whispers of reason, or had Sahlo successfully compromised his logic?

I need to make a decision.

His heart was racing, his jaw was tight, and Levi’s knife was hard against his leg, burning with his
body heat.
 Fray - Part 2
Chapter Notes

(this was posted at the same time as chapter 32)

-33-

Fray (Part 2)

When Erwin and Hange arrived at the Council chambers for their meeting, Commander-in-Chief
Zackly was waiting outside. He cocked his head at Erwin, signalling for him to step aside.

“Save me a seat across from Sahlo,” Erwin said to Hange, who nodded and gave him a concerned
look before stepping through the door.

“I looked into what you asked,” Zackly said. His face was pale, his eyes distant.

“Thank you, sir. What did you find?” Erwin asked, even though his expression already gave it
away.

“Lord Sahlo was speaking the truth.”

Erwin’s stomach sank. “If you hadn’t heard about it until now, it can’t have gotten very far.”

“No, only a few were pushing for it, and it was only ever meant as a contingency plan if the food
stocks ran low, but … ” Zackly shook his head. “I don’t know what to make of this.”

Neither did Erwin. He had known there were selfish, devious men in control of the walled lands,
but cannibalizing downtrodden citizens went far beyond that. He had spent so many years carefully
working within the framework of their government and military to achieve his goals. That
framework was rotten to its core, far more than he could have ever imagined. Maybe that
framework needs to come down.

He took a deep breath to steady himself. One thing at a time. Wall Maria always came first.

When he stepped into the chamber, Sahlo eyed him. Erwin sat across from him, eyeing him back.
Maybe it was his imagination, but the lord looked tired: his eye sockets were bruised, his mouth
heavy.

The meeting opened with details about promotions in the Military Police—Erwin only half-
listened. At last, it was time to discuss Survey Corps business. He stood.

“As you’re all aware, last time we met, the Survey Corps put our planned mission on hold to
address a silo recovery mission put forth by Lord Sahlo.” He stared down at the lord. “While the
money retrieved during the mission is sure to be put to good use, the cost was too high: we lost
fifteen good soldiers, and a sixteenth is badly injured. These are unacceptable losses for a supply
fetching mission, especially when we are nearing a critical point for our Wall Maria reclamation
effort.” He unrolled a map, marking the remaining four checkpoints in red, pretending they hadn’t
already stocked two of them.

“If we are to reclaim the Wall before the harvest season, we need to stock these checkpoints by the
end of the year. With winter approaching, we need to move quickly. I have outlined a proposal for
an expedition commencing two weeks from today. On this expedition, the Survey Corps will stock
these last four checkpoints. This brings us back into line with the timeline I’ve consistently been
driving toward for the past few years.” He stood tall. “There can be no more distractions, no more
delays, and no more unnecessary losses. We are so close to achieving a major victory for
humanity.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” Sahlo said, shaking his head. “Didn’t we all come to an
understanding that you’re pressing ahead too quickly?”

“Lord Sahlo,” Zackly said, “Commander Erwin has the floor.”

Erwin placed a green marker at the hole in the wall. “This is the goal: Wall Maria. We must reach
it before another harvest opportunity is lost, before the Colossal and Armoured titans have the
opportunity to return and take Wall Rose. We’ll be approaching the Merchant’s Guild shortly with
a large order, thanks in part to the funds reclaimed during the silo expedition. As well, I’d like to
start presenting and formalizing the wall reclamation plans with—”

Sahlo stood and slammed his palms on the table. “Enough! This is bullshit.”

He’s panicking, Erwin thought, eyes narrowing. Hone in on his weakness. An opponent swinging
this wildly always left an opening.

“Lord Sahlo.” Zackly rapped the table for order. “You are speaking out of turn.”

“I’m not going to sit here quietly while you feed us your lies,” Sahlo growled, eyes still locked on
Erwin. “You are a bull-headed traitor to the crown, and it’s clear you’re more interested in personal
glory than what’s best for humanity.” He turned to Zackly. “Commander-in-Chief, I have evidence
that Commander Erwin Smith has committed an act of treason.”

And suddenly, Erwin had his opening. His hand curled into a fist at his side as he rehearsed the
wording in his mind.

The room was tittering; Zackly slammed his palm on the table again. “These are very serious
accusations, Lord Sahlo, and I question why you’d bring them up now, of all times.”

“Commander-in-Chief, if I may,” Erwin said, standing tall. “Lord Sahlo speaks the truth, and I can
explain.”

The room began to murmur again; in his periphery, he could see Hange staring at him with wide
eyes.

“Please go ahead,” Zackly said.

“Lord Sahlo is about to present you with evidence that I falsified the results of the last expedition.”
Erwin lifted his chin. “It’s true: the gold was a lie. We arrived at the silo to find it empty,
presumably emptied during the evacuation from Wall Maria. Sahlo’s original numbers were
incorrect, no doubt old numbers from before the Fall.

“You’ve already heard about the devastating personnel losses we’ve endured, and you know my
reasons for wanting to reach Wall Maria as quickly as possible. Bearing all this in mind, when
faced with an unexpectedly empty silo, I had to make a snap decision: either return with nothing, or
lie about our findings.

“I could foresee what would happen if I returned empty-handed. There would be accusations of
stealing the gold for ourselves, or perhaps even disregarding the mission objectives entirely. The
investigation would stretch several months. Trust in the Survey Corps would be shaken, and the
reclamation effort would surely be delayed.

“Or, I could fake the correct amount to avoid wasting the time of the courts and the Council, and
ensure the reclamation effort proceeded on schedule. The officers pitched in our own personal
funds to fake our findings—I have the receipts if you wish to confirm they all came from our own
donations. It did hurt our personal budgets, but maintaining the Council’s trust in the Survey Corps
is more valuable to our goals, at this point, than money.” He bowed his head. “And so, under
immense pressure, I made the decision that would lead to the least amount of conflict, all with the
goal of reclaiming Wall Maria as quickly as possible.

“Lord Sahlo, meanwhile, chanced upon a more recent inventory, which proves I falsified our
mission results. I understand this falsification is treason, and I am willing to submit to a trial,
should you see it necessary. Given, however, that we lost time and resources chasing after outdated
documentation in the first place, I hope you’ll delay your judgement until after the reclamation.
Humanity can’t afford any more lost time.”

Sahlo was still staring at him, open-mouthed. Then, slowly, his lips stretched into a grin. He began
to laugh.

Erwin stared him down. Now the lord had no footing if he tried to claim they had deviated from
the mission. The only people who could prove what happened outside the walls were the Survey
Corps soldiers—and now Erwin had an airtight story about why they had found gold in an empty
silo. You should have thought twice before you showed me all your cards.

Sahlo was cackling now, tears streaming down his face. The other Council members stared at him
with furrowed brows.

“Lord Sahlo?” Zackly asked. “Are you all right?”

The lord dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. “Well played, Smith. Well played. I should have
seen that coming.”

“Perhaps you should step outside to collect yourself,” Zackly said.

“Yes, yes, I think I shall.” Sahlo glanced at Erwin again, then convulsed with another round of
laughter. “I don’t fucking believe this.”

The door slammed behind him, and an awkward silence descended over the room.

“Please be seated, Erwin,” Zackly said. “Since Lord Sahlo is the most outspoken opponent to your
timeline, we’ll wait until he returns to continue this conversation.”

“Lord Sahlo speaks with the voice of reason,” Minister Nick said. “Commander Erwin flat-out lied
to us, and only brought it up when he was caught. Who knows what else he’s hiding from us? How
can we trust anything that comes out of his mouth?”

“We’ll discuss this matter later,” Zackly said firmly. “For now, let’s examine the Garrison budget.”

Erwin slowly sank to a seat. An elbow nudged his side; he turned to see Hange smirk at him. He
nodded. This had played out better than he hoped. Now everyone would think Sahlo was unhinged;
Erwin’s arguments looked better by default. He busied himself with taking notes during the
Garrison budgetary discussion, noting discussion points he might approach Commander Pixis with
later.

About an hour later, the door swung open. Two Military Police officers ran into the room.

“Commander! We need you at a crime scene immediately.”

Nile frowned and stood. “Have you two lost your minds? I’m in the middle of a Council meeting.”

“Not you, sir.” The soldier pointed. “Commander Erwin.”

Erwin’s stomach dropped.

Now what? He hadn’t expected Sahlo to be in the right frame of mind to take any actions against
him.

He stood. “Please excuse me.” He turned to Hange. “Take notes while I’m gone.”

“I’m coming, too,” Nile said.

They strode through the street side-by-side, following the anxious soldiers.

“Sahlo?” Nile asked quietly.

“Most likely. He attacked Levi last night. He’s been threatening to escalate, and I just
outmanoeuvred him.” Erwin scanned the street, trying to figure out where they were going. They
weren’t heading to the hotel, so Eld was safe. They weren’t heading Underground, so it couldn’t be
Leona.

“I told you not to get mixed up with him.” Nile’s voice was weary.

“He left me with no choice.” Erwin paused. “Your family could be at risk.”

“I’m in his good graces.”

“If Sahlo dug into my past—”

Nile glared at him. “Erwin. I’m in his good graces.”

The crowd was getting thicker here. The Commanders fell into single file, pushing their way
through.

A church. They were approaching a church. Erwin’s heart sank. No. Please, no …

He forced his way to the front of the crowd.

Helena knelt on the front steps of the church. She rocked back and forth and sobbing, arms
wrapped tightly around a man. His head lolled back, showcasing a deep slash from ear to ear.
Blood stained his ashen skin, his grey robes, and Helena—her chest, her arms, her hair. Silver
glinted on her ring finger. The corpse wore a matching band. Erwin stared at it . A wedding ring on
a blue, slender finger.

Behind Helena sat Mama, rubbing the woman’s back, her gaze absent.
She’s been there before.

“ Commander!” an MP yelled, jogging up to him. She handed him a bloodstained envelope. “A

man ran up to him, slit his throat in broad daylight, but he got away. Left this with the body.”

Erwin accepted the envelope with shaky hands. The back read simply, Erwin, and the inside said,
There is no such thing as a permanent secret.

Pressure was rising in Erwin’s blood again, making his ears ring. Here were two women, his flesh
and blood, who had both lost the men they loved because of him, because of his pursuit of a dream
that was probably a delusion.

Nile stepped in close, voice low. “Is that your mother and sister?”

He pushed forward.

“Erwin, wait—”

No, he wasn’t going to stand by, not when he was the one responsible for their suffering. He knelt
in front of them.

“Helena.”

The woman looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and streaming, and he found he wasn’t sure what to
say.

She launched at him. “You fucking asshole!”

He slammed back to the cobblestone, knocking his head. He threw up his forearms just in time to
block a punch.

“You selfish motherfucker,” she screamed. “He’s fucking dead. We warned you, you asshole. You
killed him!” Her punches slammed again and again into his forearms, but he didn’t fight back.

I deserve this.

I killed them both.

And Levi …

That was worst of all: he couldn’t even stay focused on Helena’s pain. How would he feel if he
cradled Levi in his arms, killed by Erwin’s selfish goals? Or how would Levi feel, cradling his
body? I could die at any moment … Helena had no idea this was coming. She woke up this
morning with a husband, and now she’s alone.

“ Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Nile and another soldier hauled Helena off him. “It’s okay.”

She whirled on him. “It’s not fucking okay!”

Erwin lay flat on his back, slowly lowering his arms to his sides. The sky was clear, the clouds
large and fluffy. The cobblestone felt like roof tiles on his back, cold and hard. Now he could feel
Helena beside him, both of them giggling, knowing Mama and Papa would send them to bed with
no dinner if they knew they were on the roof. Helena would look at this cloud and see a pony. She
always saw ponies. He wondered if she liked horses as an adult. She had never been afraid of
horses like he had. She had never been afraid of anything except being alone.
“Hey.” Nile knelt beside him. “You okay? You hit your head pretty hard.”

He sat up. His gaze fixed on Mama. She stood beside the body, gripping its shoulder, as if she
could shake him awake. Her eyes met his. She didn’t say the words, but he heard them, anyway.
You killed him.

It wasn’t the first time her eyes had said it.

“Make them disappear,” he said to Nile. “Tell them to leave the church and start a new life.” He
rose to his feet, his arms throbbing from Helena’s punches. The pain was the only thing he felt. No,
there was also that pressure, that buzzing, that restless energy. He spun, eyeing the crowd for the
man he knew he would find.

There.

Sahlo stood at the entrance of an alleyway, hat low, eyes shadowed. Beside him stood a tall, lanky
man with a brimmed hat and a dark trench coat.

“I’ll be back at the meeting in a while,” Erwin said to Nile, and then he slipped through the crowd.
Each footstep echoed through him. He was hollow. Cold. He was made of metal.

Once he was deep in the thick of the crowd, shielded on all sides, he paused to reach into his boot.
He slipped Levi’s knife into his sleeve.

He stopped beside Sahlo, gripping his shoulder. “Follow.”

“Gutsy,” the tall man said. “Want me to fix this problem, too, your lordship?” His voice was heavy
with an Underground accent, and every word sounded sarcastic. Rage Klein? Erwin thought, but
that couldn’t be right. This man wore the black hat and white band common to nobility. This must
be someone connected to the King.

“I can handle it,” Sahlo said. “Leave us.”

“You’re fucking kidding,” the tall man said.

“Do not follow.”

“Fine. Your funeral.” The tall man stepped away.

The second he was out of sight, Erwin’s fingers clawed into Sahlo’s shoulder. He pulled him deep
into an alleyway and shoved him against the wall.

Sahlo gasped as the blow knocked the hat off his head, but then he glared. “Told you I’d break
you.”

The pressure burst.

Erwin snapped his sleeve, and Levi’s knife slid into his palm. One hand grabbed the lord’s hair,
jerking his head back. The other pressed the blade against the lord’s neck.

Sahlo gasped and closed his eyes, inching back against the wall. His nostrils flared. “Wait!”

“I could end this right here,” Erwin said flatly.

“It won’t stop if you kill me.” Sahlo’s voice squeaked.

“It would even the playing field.”

“Just fucking listen! A plan is already in motion. We’ll pick off those you care about, one by one.
The assassins have already been hired and scheduled. I’m the only one who can cancel the orders.”

Erwin’s eyes narrowed. He was seeing red now. One quick slit and this ends.

“ Your mother and sister are next,” Sahlo said. “Then Nile’s family. Then each of your Squad
Leaders, one at a time. We can make them look like accidents and random crimes. We’re saving
Levi for last.”

Erwin’s jaw twitched.

Sahlo held his gaze. “You think we don’t have the skills to take him on, but you have no idea what
kind of firepower we have at our disposal. We’ll sit him in front of you and make you choose
between him and your plans. And if you’re still this fucking stupid and stubborn, you’ll get to
watch as the life drains from him. You’ll see the betrayal on his face as he realizes the man he
trusted, the man he loved above all else, gave him up over some petty political squabbles.”

Erwin released the lord’s hair and punched him in the stomach so hard that Sahlo doubled over and
collapsed. He looked up, eyes wide, as he gasped for air and squirmed. He looked like a dying fish.

Erwin paused.

He thought of Levi scrubbing invisible blood, shaking in the corner. He recalled his words: you
never forget their faces.

If he did this now, so close to a crowd, he would be found out and arrested. Zackly couldn’t cover a
crime of this magnitude. And then, with Sahlo dead and Erwin hanged, neither of their plans would
come to fruition. Humanity was doomed to starve.

He squatted beside Sahlo, but kept the knife at his side this time. “What do you want?”

“Your support in the Council meeting,” Sahlo wheezed.

“No, it’s more than that. What do you want?”

Sahlo’s face and neck were beet red. “I want you to help support and distribute our product. I want
you to use the Survey Corps to protect the people of the Underground. I want you to stop trying to
tamper with the Walls. I want you to obey the King and the Holy Walls instead of looking to defy
them.” His eyes were wild. “The end is coming. The world within these walls will soon turn into a
living hell, and the only people who can stop it are the King and his supporters. You and your cult
of freedom-seeking heathens are shifting the Council’s attention in the wrong direction.”

The words were so unexpected and bizarre that Erwin paused. “What do you mean, ‘the end is
coming?’”

“Six months,” Sahlo said. “Just give us an extra six months.”

Erwin took a deep breath. I need to do what I think is right.

But he was no longer sure what was right. How could he trust himself, when red was clouding his
vision? And what was this coming end—religious paranoia? Or did the Wallists and the King truly
know something the rest of them didn’t? Was that why Helena and Mama had been so insistent he
back off?
Am I making plans on incomplete information?

He pulled away and slid the knife back into his boot.

“Good choice,” Sahlo said, nodding behind him. Erwin turned to see the tall man standing in the
entrance to the alleyway, holding a long, curved knife.

“This is your big political opponent?” the tall man said. “What a dumb sack of shit. Didn’t even
take you somewhere remote.”

“The Commander’s had a rough day. He wasn’t thinking straight for a moment, but he came to his
senses.” Sahlo stood and brushed off his hat, then put it on, carefully straightening the brim.
“Council returns to session soon, Erwin. I look forward to your full support.”

Erwin said nothing as he watched them leave.

They sat in the Council session fifteen minutes later. Erwin’s skin was damp with sweat and his
head throbbed. Hange gave him a concerned look, but he kept his gaze forward, his chin high.

“Erwin,” Zackly said. “Nile tells me there was a violent crime at the church that may have been
difficult to witness. If you wish to delay—”

“No.” Erwin stood, his limbs heavy. He thought of Helena’s wails, of the rings in Hange’s pocket.
He thought of a dying Levi staring at him with betrayal in his eyes, the way Papa had.

What does he mean, ‘the end is coming?’

“ Lord Sahlo and I have discussed it in depth,” he said clearly, “and the only reasonable option is to
push the reclamation effort back six months to meet his timeline.”

The room burst into chatters, and Sahlo gave him a broad smile.

Erwin sank back to his seat, his jaw tight.

When they returned to the hotel that night, Eld had already left for his return journey. Erwin began
to pack the trunk as well.

“Erwin,” Hange said.

“We have to get back to the base as soon as possible. We can sleep in the carriage. “ He paused.
“We’re going to make a slight detour to Stohess.” He had to warn Marie that she could be in
danger. Maybe he had deterred Sahlo for now, but he didn’t trust the lord to stay back, especially
because he couldn’t shake the feeling Sahlo was caught in a web of his own. The tall man didn’t
seem like his friend or hired goon. Someone—the Wallists, or the King, or Rage Klein—was
applying enough pressure for Sahlo to crack.

Who is our real enemy?

Besides, there was still the possibility that Nile had been the one to inform Sahlo that Erwin and
Levi were a couple. If so, there was one surefire way to put a stop to that: tell Marie that he and
Levi had broken up.
“Erwin,” Hange said, more forcefully this time. “Why did the plan change?”

He pulled his shirts off the hangers and neatly folded them. “His arguments became sufficiently
persuasive.”

“What about Wall Maria? The harvest season?”

“I’m no longer convinced my solution is what’s best for humanity.”

“Erwin—”

“It doesn’t matter. My decision is made.” He folded the last of his socks into balls, because no
matter how much Levi complained about his sock-folding style, habit was easiest. “There’s still
room to be flexible. If we uncover evidence that shows my original plan was best, we can stock the
last two checkpoints early in the spring and move on my original timeline.” He closed his eyes. He
was so sick of thinking about timelines, and Wall Maria, and Sahlo. Maybe that had been why he
had been so tempted to slit Sahlo’s throat: it was an easy way out. Trial, death by hanging.

“You look tired,” Hange said quietly.

“I am.”

“Will getting back to the base tonight help?”

“Yes.” He wasn’t sure. What would happen the next time his mask dropped? Would he be able to
lift it again?

I’m so, so tired.

Hange wordlessly began to pack, too.

They arrived at the Dok house at half past eight—Erwin asked the driver to park the carriage
around the corner, and they walked, ensuring no one was following them. The lights were still on
inside. Erwin drew a deep breath.

“Why are we stopping here?” Hange asked.

“Because I need to repair all the holes in my armour.” There was the Dok family doorknocker, the
one Levi always made snide comments about. He lifted it and let it fall.

Jasper answered the door. As he grew, his hair was darkening, his chin leaning out. Maybe he
really is Nile’s flesh and blood.

“ Commander Erwin!” The boy’s eyes lit up, and he saluted.

“At ease,” Erwin said, standing with his hands clasped behind his back. “I’m here to speak with
your mother.”

“Mom,” Jasper yelled, turning into the house.

Marie came running, her little one in her hand, her hair tied in a rag. She smiled. “Erwin? What a
nice surprise! Is Levi with you?”

He didn’t return her smile. “I need to speak with you.”

“Oh, I … ” She glanced around. “I’m just putting the kids to bed.”

“Squad Leader Hange can do that for you.”

“I can what?” Hange said.

“That would be lovely.” Marie shoved the toddler into Hange’s chest. “They each get one bedtime
story before lights out. Maybe two, if they’re good. They’re all washed up, so they just need to
change into their pyjamas. Jasper knows their routine.”

Hange stared down at the kid. “I—”

“Thank you, Hange.” Erwin pulled off his boots.

“Bedroom’s upstairs,” Marie said.

Hange stared at them for another moment, then sighed. “Okay, kids, come follow the absolute
stranger upstairs.”

Erwin sat on the couch, and Marie sat opposite him.

“Well?” she said.

He waited until he heard the bedroom door close upstairs, then leaned forward. “You may be in
danger.”

“What?” she asked, leaden.

“Sahlo’s making a power play against me. He has vowed to kill everyone from my past, one at a
time. I think I’ve appeased him for now, but—”

“The same Sahlo that Nile kept telling you not to get mixed up with?”

He gritted his teeth. “We don’t have time to point fingers.”

Her hands balled into fists. “What the fuck did you do to piss him off?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. Were you pushing after your fucking delusions again? Did you piss off the wrong
people chasing after baseless dreams?”

His silence must have incriminated him, because she swore and shook her head.

“Okay, you know what? Fuck you. Get out of my house.”

“Marie—”

“I’ve been an idiot to keep you in my life. You do nothing but hurt me and the ones I love.”

The words hit too close to home. Helena’s sobs, Mama’s cold glare. What expression would Levi
wear, when he saw him again? Was he worn and hurt, too?

“I do hurt everyone,” he said, trying to make his tone convincingly sad. “Levi and I have ended our
relationship.”

To his surprise, she looked upset. “What? Why?”

He searched for the most plausible excuse: “Because I need to stay focused. He had been
concerned lately that he was a weakness I couldn’t afford to have, that he coaxed a vulnerability
out of me that needed to stay hidden.” His stomach began to sink. “Once Sahlo used him as a
pressure point, I saw that Levi was right: he is a weakness.”

Would I have caved in to Sahlo if I weren’t so vulnerable when it comes to Levi?

“ I have to be alone,” he continued, trying to ignore the thought. “I can’t afford to embrace my
weaknesses. Not now. And I never know when I might die—it’s not fair to him.” Why were all
these excuses feeling so truthful? He thought of the rings in Hange’s pocket. The ball of ice rolled
around his stomach, prickly and cold.

Marie’s brows slowly lowered. “Erwin, please tell me you didn’t come here because you thought
you could get a pity fuck.”

He blinked. She was misunderstanding. Should he run with it? Seeming like he was propositioning
Marie was a surefire way to let Nile know Levi was no longer in the picture, but it would
effectively terminate their friendship.

His hesitation must have seemed like an answer, because she stood.

“I can’t fucking believe you. Is that what I am to you? Someone you can run to for sex every time
to you break up with someone? Where’s your respect for me? For Levi? For Nile?”

“ I wasn’t thinking,” he said.

“Clearly not. Yeah, maybe things are always going to be a bit weird between us, but we made our
choices long ago. I have two kids now, and a third on the way, and you dare to—” Her eyes
flashed. “Get the fuck out of my house!”

“Please, Marie,” he said, standing. “Go somewhere safe. Move, if you have to—”

“Get out!” She stood, hands in tight fists.

He pulled on his boots and strode to the carriage.

When Hange entered the carriage a few minutes later, he was slumped forward over his thighs, his
hands raked into his hair.

“That was awkward,” Hange said, clearly unimpressed. The carriage door slammed.

“I’ve been selfish,” he said without looking up.

The bell cord rang as Hange alerted the driver to start moving. “If this is about asking me to watch
the kids—”

“That, too, I suppose. I meant with Levi.” He drew a deep breath and held it. Those excuses he had
given Marie—hadn’t Levi just said the same things to him in the treetop overlooking Wall Maria?

He selfishly clung to Levi when it put his plans at risk, when it put their happiness at risk. He
couldn’t shake the image of Helena cradling her dead husband, the matching rings on their fingers.

“I saw him as a weapon,” he murmured, “as a new toy, so I dragged out from the Underground and
manipulated him into trusting me. Then I encouraged the sparks between us, playing a ridiculous
game of ‘let’s take it slowly’ and then moving too fast, toying with his emotions. And now he’s
shouldering guilt for the relationship I did nothing to prevent, pointing out—rightfully so—that it’s
a weakness I cannot afford. And in return, I got him attacked by a lord playing mind games with
him. I bring him endless stress and misery, and that’s only going to amplify if I die.”

Hange said, very quietly, “You need to have this conversation with Levi, not me.”

“I already know what he’s going to say. He’s loyal to my strategy above his own emotions. When
he finds out I caved in to Sahlo, he’s going to blame himself.” Erwin pulled a bag from under the
seat and began to dig through it.

“What are you looking for?”

“Alcohol.”

“You might not want to be drunk or hungover when you’re talking with Levi about all this.”

He frowned and leaned back against the bench. “You’ll need to watch yourself as well, Hange.
Your name was on the list Sahlo used to threaten me.”

The Squad Leader swallowed hard. “Oh. But you agreed to his terms.”

“Sahlo is being pulled in different directions; he lashed out because he was desperate.” He thought
of the tall man with the noble’s hat. “He’s being watched. There’s something much larger at play,
and we’re only scratching the surface. Our situation could change at any moment. We’ll monitor
communication and external visits, and set up patrols around the base. We must be vigilant.”

He thought about sending a message to Leona, but she was savvy—she had already been concerned
about his involvement with Sahlo. She would keep herself safe. They should definitely warn Berit
and Shadis. Being attached to the Trainee Corps probably gave them some shelter—the training
program was geared toward churning out new MP recruits, after all, and the King valued the MP
above all other regiments. Still, it didn’t hurt to be careful.

His mind kept circling back to Levi. He let out a long, deep sigh.

Hange gave him a pitying look. “Sleep might help.”

Sleep probably would help, but he was lonely, cold, and frightened. He didn’t like fear. He could
usually control it with planning and logic. Maybe he could spend time re-planning the Wall
reclamation …

There was Levi again, standing beside him on the tree branch overlooking Wall Maria, offering
him hope just as it was slipping away. That was what he needed right now: the man who brought
him balance. The man who helped him expose and understand his emotions when his instincts told
him to bury them. He needed him.

Do you really? Levi rasped. Or do you just want to need me?

The ball of ice had risen to his throat, and it was stuck there, like he was on the verge of crying, but
couldn’t quite vent it. Maybe it showed on his face, because Hange shifted over to his bench and
sat beside him. A wiry arm slid across his shoulders.

He slumped and laid his cheek on Hange’s shoulder, grateful for the contact.
“What did Erwin say?” Levi demanded as he strode up to Eld in the dining hall.

Eld was still breathless, downing a glass of water. He nodded a greeting. “Sorry to wake you before
reveille.”

“It’s okay. This is important.”

“He approved of how you’re handling everything. There’s more, but—” He turned to Gunther,
who had been on watch when he had ridden in. “We need to talk in private.”

“Got it.” Gunther stood.

“Hey Gunther,” Levi said. “At reveille, go tell Dita he’s running the training exercises today. His
choice.” He hadn’t slept much since the attack the night before last, and he had no interest in
running mundane exercises himself. The soldier saluted and closed the door, and then it was just
Levi and Eld in the dining hall.

Eld leaned forward. “Sahlo knows about … you.”

“About me?”

“About you and the Commander. Your … relationship.” He looked so uncomfortable that Levi
immediately caught on.

“Oh. You’re going to keep that a secret, right?”

“Of course. It’s just unexpected.”

Unexpected was good; it meant they had been successfully keeping it a secret from the majority of
people, at least. Not the person who mattered, though. He frowned. “Did he say when he and
Hange were coming back?”

“No, but it didn’t sound like they were staying much longer. The Commander was eager to get
back here to address safety issues. He’ll be putting the base into lockdown.”

Levi grimaced. This was all so fucked up. He needed to punch something. “Take the day off,” he
said to Eld, standing.

He stayed in the gym past reveille, working a punching bag from every angle. By the time he had
finished, his heart was racing and he had glowing red spots on the first two knuckles of each hand
and the tops of his feet.

It was a heated bath day, so he waited until the other soldiers were in training, then sank into the
bath by himself. His ass had barely touched the seat when the door swung open.

“Hey,” he called. “You’re supposed to be in training. Go see Dita in the yard.”

Erwin stepped into view.

Levi’s breath caught. Their gaze held.

“You’re back early.”

Erwin nodded, his face grim. “I came back as soon as I could. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Levi sank deeper into the water, letting it skim his chin. “Shitty couple days, huh?”
“Indeed. Do you have time to debrief?” His voice was gravelly.

“Yeah. Just give me a minute to finish cleaning up.”

Erwin nodded again. “I’ll be in my office.”

There was that anxious heat in Levi’s throat again, the taste of acid. He quickly scrubbed himself
down and brushed his teeth, then changed into his uniform.

He paused outside Erwin’s office, took a deep breath, and then opened the door.

Erwin sat on the couch, hunched, his hands clasped and hanging loosely between his knees. He
tilted his head as if to acknowledge Levi, but didn’t look at him. Levi locked the door and dropped
onto the opposite couch, crossing his legs.

“I have a lot to tell you about.”

“As do I.” Erwin lifted his head; his eyes were sunken. “When I heard about the attack against you,
I refused to let it sway me from our plans.”

“Good,” Levi said, feeling a wave of relief. I’m not his weakness.

“ He applied more pressure: he had someone murder Helena’s husband, leaving a note addressed
to me with the body.”

“Holy shit.”

Erwin pulled the knife out of his boot and handed it over. “I dragged him into an alley, threw him
against the wall, and held this to his throat.”

“Holy shit.” Levi’s jaw clenched. I should have been there. “ Did you kill him?”

“No.” A pause. “I gave up, Levi. We’re adjusting to his timeline.”

“What?”

“He backed me into a corner. He found all my weak spots, twisted a knife into each of them.”
Erwin’s gaze dropped. “I don’t even know anymore if my timeline is the one we should follow. He
made a compelling argument, and genuinely has some altruistic motives—when I explain it to you
in detail, you’ll understand my confusion. I have to yield to him, for now.”

Levi stared at him, open-mouthed. “After all that? You’re rolling over?”

Erwin’s hands interlaced, the knuckles white; he stared down at them. “Wall Maria must be our
priority. Without Sahlo’s support, we’ll be wasting valuable time and energy defending ourselves
against his attacks. If he knows everything about me, he has the power to ruin me, to knock me out
of my position before my plans can be realized. He’s connected to the Wallists, to the King, to
Rage Klein, to the Military Police. Meanwhile, we’re a fringe group of oddballs pushing against
common sense, charging headfirst into titan territory, ready to dedicate our hearts to dreams that
may not even be attainable.”

They were silent. Footsteps passed outside the door, and two soldiers chatted and laughed together
before the sounds faded again. Levi cast a glance at the door, wishing he was so ignorant to their
burdens. He wished he knew what to say to lighten Erwin’s.

“You should go take a good long dump,” he tried, because tasteless humour often cheered him up.
“You’ll feel lighter.”

Erwin breathed a single beat of a chuckle through his nose, and that was it. Levi felt a swell of
helplessness.

“I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I’ve never seen our situation with such clarity,” Erwin said.

“Let me kill him.”

Erwin shook his head. “No. He’s the only one who can cancel his own assassination plans—he
claims to have hired killers to take out everyone from my past, one by one, until … ” He trailed off.

Levi leaned forward. “Until what?”

Nothing followed.

“Eld told me he knows about us,” Levi said. “He threatened to use me against you, didn’t he?
Torture me or something in front of you. That sick fuck! I’ll tear his throat out with my teeth. I’ll
carve up his weak spot like the motherfucking titan he is.”

Erwin was so still that Levi wondered if he was holding his breath. His silence was understandable.
They both knew what this meant.

“I’m a burden,” Levi said, so Erwin didn’t have to say the words. “I’m a weakness you can’t
afford.”

“No, you’re Humanity’s Strongest. Your strength on the battlefield is humanity’s greatest asset—”

“He’s using me to fuck with your head.”

“—and you bring hope to humanity, something they desperately—”

“Erwin. Stop.”

“It’s not just you—”

“Erwin—”

“—it’s my mother, my sister, Marie and—”

“Shut up for a second and listen!” Levi flopped back against the couch. “This is everything we
talked about during the last expedition. I’m not going to be your weakness, not when you have so
much to think about. We swore when this started our work would take priority over us, or we’d
have to take a step back.”

Erwin looked up, his eyes so glassy that Levi began to shake.

“Levi—” Erwin began, using the same voice he used when he was trying to pitch a difficult
expedition to the Council.

“Look me in the eye,” Levi interrupted, “and tell me Sahlo’s threats against me didn’t impact your
decision. Tell me I’m not a weakness.”

Their gaze held, and nothing followed. He had never seen a man so large look so small.
Levi felt small, too. Insignificant. There was so much at stake. What was his happiness when they
were on the cusp of embarking on humanity’s most ambitious move against the titans?

He stood and strode over to the liquor cabinet, throwing open the doors.

“It’s not even noon,” Erwin said.

“If we’re going to do this, I’m not staying sober. Which whiskey’s the best?”

A pause. “The silver label.”

Levi stood on his tiptoes to pull it down from the shelf, then pulled down two glasses. He dropped
onto the couch next to Erwin—he smelled so good, so warm—and poured them each a generous
glass.

They were silent for the first several sips. Levi closed his eyes, feeling their body heat mingle in
the gap between them.

“So,” he said. “What happens next?”

“I’d still like to send you north,” Erwin said, because of course he would default to talking about
strategy instead of facing difficult truths about their relationship. “Since there won’t be another
expedition until the spring, you can leave as soon as you’re ready. Take a small team. We’ll put in
an order for your supplies tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I’ll head to the Capital to work on the
revised reclamation plans.” He paused. “Like I said, I have a lot to tell you—I know all the details
of Sahlo’s plans, or at least what he’s shared with me—but let’s wait until tomorrow. There’s … ”
He hesitated. “There’s already a lot to think about.”

“Yeah, there is.” Levi imagined a hill in Ehrmich, a blazing sunset, Erwin on one knee. He
swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. Damned whiskey, making my eyes water.

“ You should date around while you’re in the Capital,” he said aloud. “Women. Make a scene
about it. No one will be able to use me to bait you if they think you’re a straight man playing the
field.”

Erwin stared at him as if he had been smacked. “I can’t do that.”

“You don’t have to fuck them or anything.” Levi’s eyes were still tearing up, and squeezing them
shut was doing nothing, so he blinked a few times. “Just take them on the town, maybe kiss them a
little—”

“Levi, I’m not going to kiss anyone.” Erwin hesitated. “Is this … ”

“Spit it out.”

“Are we ending this?”

Levi turned to make eye contact, but Erwin was staring fixedly at the opposite couch. “I was
thinking more like a step back.” Even as he said the words, he wasn’t sure what they meant.

“I see.” Erwin nodded. “You and I … I’m not sure we could ever end, anyway. Not really.”

Levi’s chest ached. No, they couldn’t. They were too intertwined. Erwin coursed through his
arteries, fuelled him with drive and purpose. “We both need to focus on Wall Maria, and you need
to focus on Sahlo. Until that mission is complete, we need to knock off all the relationship shit.”
“Okay.” Erwin’s voice cracked. “What are our ground rules?”

“You have to over-plan everything, don’t you?”

“No sex, no kissing, no cuddling?”

“Yeah. Nothing that makes either of us break down. Nothing that makes us a target.”

“No touching.” Erwin glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Even before we were together,
every little touch haunted me.”

“Yeah. Same.” Levi sniffled again, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. “I guess we won’t spend any
more nights cuddling and reading together, huh?”

“No. We hadn’t done that for awhile, anyway.”

“I guess not.”

“Haven’t done much of anything for awhile,” Erwin said, almost to himself.

Levi’s face fell. “We were already … stepping back a bit from each other, weren’t we?”

Erwin’s shoulders suddenly heaved; he buried his face in his free hand.

“Shit,” Levi said. “Sorry.”

“No; I’m sorry, Levi. You deserve—”

“Don’t.”

“—so much better than I could ever offer—”

“Knock it off!” Levi elbowed him hard in the side. “This is hard enough without you getting all
caught up in self-loathing.”

Erwin wiped his eyes with the back of his hand; the bloodshot whites made his irises glow blue. “I
haven’t given you anything worth waiting for.”

“Let me decide that for myself. You agreed to let me choose when and where to offer up my own
heart, right? That applies to this, too.” He wanted to pull out a handkerchief and dab at those
glowing eyes, but wasn’t sure if their ‘no touching’ policy had already begun.

They were silent as they drained their glasses. Levi topped them up again, the bottle shaking.

“The night after everyone’s celebrating our reclamation of Wall Maria,” he said, “we’ll find a
moment to sneak away, okay? And we’ll talk. Maybe we’ll decide to be together again; maybe we
won’t.”

“If we do,” Erwin said, “I’d still like to take you to Ehrmich.” He took a long sip, then added
softly, “How many times now has that trip been delayed?”

“We’ll stay in the apartment. The apartments are still half yours, you know. Even the ones I
bought.”

“You don’t have to—”

“This doesn’t change that,” Levi said firmly. “We’re still … ” He couldn’t think of the right word.
“Close.”

“Captain and Commander,” Erwin said.

“Yeah.”

“Partners.”

“Yeah.”

They were silent, enjoying their drinks in a comfortable silence. Levi’s emotions had mellowed—
or maybe he was just numb. This decision made sense. It was what was best for them, for
humanity.

When the glasses were once again empty, he moved to refill them.

“Wait,” Erwin said, holding out a hand to stop him. “Are we going to make love one last time?”

“One last time?” Levi eyed him. “You’re still convinced we’re going to die before Wall Maria is
ours again, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

And all at once, grief flooded Levi’s body. I won’t get to fall asleep next to him for months—maybe
ever. I won’t get to have sex with him for months—maybe ever. His jaw trembled, but he shrugged
it off. If he fell apart now, so would Erwin.

“Okay, sure, let’s fuck one last time. Something for the living person to remember if you’re right.”

Erwin fixed his glowing eyes on him for a moment, then nodded. “Leave for the apartment now.
I’ll follow, ten minutes behind, to avoid raising suspicions.”

“You want to go all the way into town for this?”

“I don’t want to hold anything back.”

Levi reached out and cupped his jaw; Erwin’s hand closed over it, grip too tight. They slowly
leaned toward each other, hesitant, as if this was one of their first kisses, not, potentially, one of
their last.

He’s soft. Levi leaned into it, eyes closing, and a tear trailed down his cheek. And warm.

They pulled away, eyes locked. Levi wanted to speak, but his throat was too tight. He stood and
walked to the door.

He closed it behind him. His legs were too heavy; he couldn’t walk. He wants me to go ten minutes
ahead so we can’t be tracked. Go.

As he was just stepping away, he heard a soft sob from inside the office, and he realized the ten
minute head start had nothing to do with safety.

The apartment was in a mild state of disarray—Erwin had been the last to use it, and he had left
little piles of books, some open, all around the room. Levi frowned and set about tidying it all,
distracting himself.

When Erwin stepped inside a few minutes later, the tip of his nose was red and his eyes were puffy,
but dry. He closed the door and stood by it, hunched.

“Don’t make this weird,” Levi said, even though he was apprehensive, too. “Come here.”

They quickly warmed as they closed the gap, meeting with hands on cheeks, on shoulders; lips
pressed together, spreading, tongues grazing. Savour this, Levi thought, and his eyes flooded with
tears again. He stubbornly shut them. If he started crying, he was going to get snot everywhere,
and he could think of nothing less romantic.

Erwin pulled away and buried his mouth in the top of Levi’s hair. “Shower with me.”

Levi caught his arm and pulled him toward the bathroom.

They undressed each other slowly, palms smoothing each bit of exposed flesh. Erwin’s forearms
were bruised and swollen.

“My sister,” he said softly.

Levi ran his fingertips in swirls across the bruises. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

Erwin’s throat bobbed.

“None of this is your fault.” Levi bent forward to kiss the bruises, but Erwin caught his jaw instead,
lifting it into a kiss.

They didn’t bother waiting for the water to finish heating; they took turns, one working the water
pump while the other washed. Levi was already clean, but he soaped himself for Erwin anyway,
relishing Erwin’s heavily-lidded eyes and parted lips. They met again once they were both clean,
naked, and shivering, damp bodies sliding together as they kissed. Levi’s hands clawed into
Erwin’s back, desperately pulling him as close as he could.

The kisses faded. As the last of the water—finally warm now—drizzled over them, they held each
other in a tight hug.

“Let me clean you up,” Levi said, because the thought of no longer grooming Erwin in the
mornings was almost as bad as the thought of never having sex.

They brought a chair into the bathroom, and Levi lathered cream onto Erwin’s face. The shave took
twice as long as usual as Levi took the opportunity to really study Erwin’s face, to memorize all the
details he had taken for granted: the sneer line ever so slightly deeper by one nostril than the other;
the sprinkling of white hairs in his eyebrows, and one in his eyelashes; the tiny, dark mole at the
crest of his left cheekbone; the faint scars on his chin, his temple, the bridge of his nose. Their eyes
locked. Those blue eyes, so eerie and piercing, so intense even when the rest of his face was gentle.

He finished shaving Erwin’s face and neck, then walked around to clean up the hair on the back of
his neck, leaving his undercut with a crisp line. Once that was done, he rinsed the blade and set it
in its case, then combed Erwin’s hair into place. He applied a small amount of styling product to
keep it neat, just the way Erwin liked. Sure, it was just going to get messed up again right away,
but it was an important part of the routine.

He finished by gently combing the thick eyebrows, then kissed the skin between them, lingering.
“My turn,” Erwin said quietly.

They traded places. Levi watched Erwin as he shaved his jaw and neck, then took the comb and
tidied Levi’s hair. It didn’t take nearly as long—Levi’s beard had never been as full as Erwin’s,
and his hair was easier to style.

When Erwin was finished, he kissed Levi between the brows, too, mirroring the earlier gesture as if
this were some sort of ritual.

In a way, Levi reflected, it was.

They moved to the main room. Erwin set a bottle of oil and two clean handkerchiefs by the bed.
Levi dimmed the lamps.

They slid under the covers and began to kiss, legs intertwining. Erwin was giving little moans and
grunts, rutting against Levi’s thigh, already hard.

Levi felt nothing. Even the kisses, which had been so warm and soft before, felt mechanical. It was
as if he were kissing the back of his hand.

After a minute, Erwin pulled back to look at him. “Levi?”

“I’m fine.” His eyes were watering again.

Erwin wordlessly drew him in, resting his chin on top of Levi’s head.

Levi nuzzled against his collarbone. “Stress is getting to me.”

“I understand. We can just lie here.”

“No.” Levi placed a hand in the centre of his chest, pushing away to look at him. “I want to get it
up and fuck you. If not, you can fuck me instead.”

Erwin kissed his brow. “Okay.” He kissed his jaw, the underside of his chin, his throat, his
collarbone. Levi shifted, closing his eyes, trying to feel anything but ticklish.

Then Erwin’s mouth was around him, and he was warm, and sucking just the way he liked, but
nothing was happening. Levi gripped the sheets and threw his head back, trying to feel something.

One last time … We were already stepping back … I’m not going to be your weakness …

“ Dammit!” He threw his forearm over his eyes and swallowed against the lump in his throat,
again and again, trying to stop it from rising.

Erwin pulled away. “Levi.”

“Don’t stop.” His voice caught. “Dammit, I can’t—”

“Levi.” Erwin shifted to lie beside him. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. This is our last chance to do this, and I’m fucking it up.” He had never felt so
humiliated. He wanted to run to the bathroom and lock the door behind him.

Erwin kissed the forearm that covered his eyes. “Tell me what you want.”

Levi wanted them to start the night’s conversation over. He wanted them to agree their relationship
took priority, and Wall Maria and Sahlo were a waste of time, and humanity could go fuck itself.

He took a shuddering breath. “I don’t know.”

The bed moved, and then he heard furniture shifting. He lifted his forearm, cursing the tears that
spilled along either side of his cheeks. Erwin sat in a chair facing him, palms resting on his bare
thighs.

“What are you doing?”

“Giving you control.” Erwin’s gaze was gentle. “We don’t have a lot of control over anything right
now, but I can at least give you some. You tell me what you need, and I’ll do it. If you want to
watch me play with myself, that’s fine. If you want me to join you in bed, or hold you, or leave,
that’s all fine, too.”

This was the kind of consideration Levi was going to miss. He still wasn’t sure he was interested in
sex, but Erwin was so eager to make him feel comfortable. I should at least play along a bit.

“ Touch your balls.”

“Like this?” Erwin started stroking them with his fingertips.

“Yeah. Lift your dick out of the way so I can see. And tug on them a bit.”

Erwin complied, sliding further down the chair. His gaze was firmly locked on Levi, his lips
parting.

Levi could feel the damp spots still lingering on his flesh from Erwin’s kisses; they tingled in the
room’s draught, suddenly not tickling him so much anymore. “Feel good?” he asked.

“Yeah. Especially with you looking at me like that.”

Levi felt a faint glow between his legs, the first sparks of a flame. “Start jerking yourself off a bit.”

Erwin obeyed. His chest was starting to rise and fall now with heavy breaths.

—the last time I’ll see this until— Levi cut the thought off in his mind, focused on the long fingers
stroking, with that characteristic twist at the tip he loved to watch so much, loved to feel on
himself.

“Feel good?” he asked, not caring that he was being repetitive.

“Yeah.”

“Looks good, too.” He was still flaccid, but he was starting to feel like that wouldn’t be the case
for long. He shifted, leaning forward for a better look.

After a few minutes, Erwin’s head was beginning to loll back, exposing his beautiful throat. His
lids were heavy, his eyes losing focus.

“Stop for a second,” Levi said.

It seemed to take Erwin great effort to stop; briefly, ever so briefly, his nose wrinkled and his lip
curled, a flicker of strain.

Levi stood. He opened a drawer and pulled out a small, clean toy and a bottle of oil, then tossed
them at Erwin, who deftly caught them. “Show me how you’re going to fuck yourself when I’m
not around.”

Their gaze held, and for a dizzying second, Levi was certain they were both going to fall apart, but
then Erwin’s eyes narrowed, and he nodded. Instead of opening the oil, he brought the toy to his
mouth and dragged it across his tongue.

“Oh shit,” Levi whispered, transfixed.

Erwin ran his tongue around the tip, then took it deep into his throat.

Levi heard a squeak escape from his mouth. He sat at the edge of the bed.

Erwin slowly withdrew the toy, then slicked it with oil. He pressed the pad of one foot into the
chair, half-squatting on it, and slowly lowered himself onto the toy. His face contorted; his eyes
squeezed shut.

“Oh fuck.” Levi wanted to be that toy so badly. His body finally began to respond.

Erwin’s eyelids parted, and he stared at Levi, through him. He began to move up and down, his
hand moving in the same rhythm.

Levi sucked in a harsh breath. He stood and padded around to Erwin’s back, sliding a palm along
his exposed throat. Erwin leaned into his hand, writhing a little in his chair.

“Oh fuck,” Levi whispered again, bending down to drag his lips across Erwin’s forehead. One
hand stayed at his throat; the other slid down his chest to his abdomen, feeling the muscles tense
and relax as he gyrated.

Savour this , Levi thought, but he was quickly getting feverish. He circled to Erwin’s front and
knelt between his legs.

Erwin cried out and thrust into his throat.

Fuck. Levi pulled out the toy and used his fingers instead. Fuck. He was hard now, aching. He
wanted to be inside him, but he didn’t want this to end.

“Levi, please … ”

“Fuck!” Levi withdrew and frantically oiled himself while they repositioned themselves onto the
bed. He pushed into him. They cried out together as he worked all the way in. He gasped and fell
forward, mouth on Erwin’s nipple, one hand finding his and lacing through it, the other forcing
under his lower back. Neither of them was in control now. Levi pushed hard into him and Erwin
ground down against him with each thrust as they tried to merge into one.

Don’t let this end … please don’t let this end …

Water trickled down Levi’s cheek, and he tasted salt, and he wanted to hang on, but it was so hard
to keep his movements slow. His body was betraying him; he was already rising.

Not yet. I’m not ready. Not yet …

Erwin’s cries were louder, his hand frantically working between them, his back arching.

“Wait,” Levi gasped into his nipple.

“I’m so close.”

“I know.”

“Please, Levi. I’m so close … ”

“I know. So am I. So am I.” He couldn’t slow down; he thrust harder and deeper, angling himself
the way Erwin liked. “Fuck!”

Erwin’s head tossed, blond hair scattered and stuck to his damp forehead. “I can’t—”

“I know.”

“I’m going to come.”

“I know. Come on.” Levi ran his tongue in rough circles around Erwin’s nipple.

“Levi!” Erwin arched against him, and his body began to shudder, clenching around him. Levi
squeezed his eyes shut.

I don’t want this to end. I don’t want—

His orgasm tore violently through him, wildfire on dry grass, and he shook so hard that he clung to
Erwin, as if he might throw himself off the bed if he didn’t anchor himself. So good, it felt so good
—

The last time we’ll share this.

He heard himself sob. The last ripple left him, but he kept his eyes closed, desperate to delay the
end.

Erwin relaxed into the bed, breathing hard. A heavy hand settled into Levi’s hair.

He’s going to fall apart, Levi thought. He always falls apart. He needed to pull himself together so
he could be there for him.

But when he lifted his head, Erwin gave him a polite smile. It wobbled a bit, then stuck.

Levi loved and hated that smile. This was the Erwin Smith humanity needed, the one who would
save them all from the titans. He doesn’t have to take his mask off ever again.

And so, even though his heart was aching, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the tip of the
sharp nose.

“Commander,” he said, his voice cracking.

“Captain.” Erwin trailed his knuckles along Levi’s jaw. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s weird.”

Erwin smiled and kissed the tip of his nose, too.

They dressed in silence, then exchanged a final kiss at the door. This one felt more like a formality
than a proper kiss. Levi knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold his emotions in check much
longer. Erwin’s mask seemed to be getting stronger, but his was cracking.
“You go first,” he said. “I’ll follow ten minutes behind.”

“Levi—”

“For safety.” He straightened Erwin’s bolo tie and his collars, his jaw already quivering. “Go. I’ll
follow.”

Erwin settled in his office, intending to bury himself in work, but he was too empty. He sipped
more whiskey and stared at the expense reports until the numbers swam.

Hange’s entrance was a welcome relief. The Squad Leader closed the door, then saluted. “Good
afternoon, Commander.”

“Afternoon.”

“How did your talk with Levi go?”

Erwin stiffened his spine, threw his shoulders back. “We decided to put our relationship on hold.”

“On hold? What does that mean?”

“It means we are operating in a purely professional capacity until after the reclamation effort, at
which point we’ll re-evaluate our goals and desires.” It was easier than he expected to keep his face
expressionless. Emotional exhaustion had its benefits.

Hange squinted at him, as if trying to read him, but there was nothing to read. He was hollow.

“So what do we do with these?” Hange strode forward and set two rings on the desk.

He picked up the larger of the two, trying to recall the excitement he had felt when selecting them.
Emotional exhaustion had its detriments, too; excitement was inaccessible to him. He suspected the
gravity of this moment would hit him later, and so hard that it might ruin him.

“Take them.” He set the ring down again. “Sell them, if you want.”

Hange’s face fell. “But after Wall Maria—”

“We won’t both survive Wall Maria,” he said flatly. “Even if we do, there’s a good chance the
trauma of the losses we’ll endure will change us. A lot could happen between now and then, and
there’s no time to consider it until we’re there.”

It looked as if Hange was about to cry. “A few hours ago, you were shaking in my arms about
this.”

“Levi and I came to the most logical conclusion together. Thanks to him, I’ve regained my focus.”
A lie. The numbers still swam when he looked at them.

Hange’s brows dropped. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He blinked. “Pardon?”

“You two miserable assholes work so well together, and you’re so deeply in love, and now you’re
shoving each other away because you think it will make you stronger? That’s not logic; it’s fear.
You’re both scared.”
His mouth hung open for a moment before he responded. “I would think you’d be in a good
position to understand the complications that can arise when mixing business and pleasure, given
your history.”

“You were mixing them just fine,” Hange said, voice rising. “Sahlo would have used him against
you if you weren’t romantically involved, anyway. And yeah, maybe you break down a bit around
each other, but that’s healthy. The shit we see every day is more than anyone can handle alone.
And you’re both closing off the only emotional outlet you have?”

“Hange, you are way over the line.” Every muscle in his body was tight and painful.

Hange snapped up the smaller ring, leaving the large one. “Keep that one. Study it. Think about
what you’re giving up.”

“Leave,” he ordered.

Hange stormed out, slamming the door.

At least anger wasn’t emptiness. He was angry with Hange— how dare you judge our decision .
He was angry with Levi for initiating the separation in the first place, which was odd, because it
had been a mutual decision. He was furious with Sahlo for putting him in this position at all.

And above it all, on a level so intense it exhausted him to try to quantify it, he was furious with
himself. He had allowed Levi to get caught up in politics, and had put him in danger. Had those
assassins succeeded, Levi’s blood would be on his hands.

He snatched up the ring and held it up, tempted to throw it across the room. It was just one more
reminder of the life he might never have, all by his own choosing.

Humanity needs me.

A pang rippled through him. It took a moment for him to recognize it as sorrow—not in its usual
combination with guilt, but pure, raw sorrow.

He refused to acknowledge it. He didn’t have time to fall apart. The whole purpose of this
arrangement was to keep him together, after all. He needed to honour his agreement with Levi and
close off this part of his life, at least for now.

He opened the bottom drawer of his desk, the one that contained all his mementos. Henrik’s picture
frame was still on top; he lifted it and sifted others aside, setting the ring carefully on top of the
book from his father. The two men who had marked him more deeply than any other.

I’m sorry, Levi. I love you.

He slid the drawer closed and waited for that wave of peace he had felt when he had first laid
Henrik’s picture frame to rest, but the sorrow refused to fade.

It seemed every single area of the base was tied with memories—offices, bedrooms, the gym, the
grounds, the dining hall, even the san. Levi ended up settling in the dining hall once the lunch rush
had ended. It was large, empty and cold, just like him. He poured another glass of ale, hoping the
glow in his stomach would fill him.

Shortly after the clock struck two in the afternoon, the door opened, and Hange stepped in, brows
pinched. “I just talked to Erwin.”

“I need to be alone.”

“Are you sure?”

He glanced at Hange’s worried face, and decided the company might be a little less lonely. He slid
a bottle across the table. Hange sat and took a sip.

“How’s Erwin doing?” Levi asked. “Polite smiles and evasive answers?”

It took Hange a long time to reply. “Yes.”

He snorted. “Figures.”

They were quiet for about half a bottle, and then Levi found he couldn’t contain his question any
longer. “When you were in the Capital … ”

“Yeah?”

“Did Erwin seem like he was already distancing himself from me? He seemed … ” He thought of
that polite smile. “He adapted quickly. I thought maybe he had been starting to let go of me
already, before he even got back.”

Hange studied him. “Is this important to you?”

“Yeah. I brought up the idea of separating so he didn’t have to, but now I’m rethinking every
single word and second-guessing its meaning.”

“Because it’s easier to be paranoid than sad?”

His brow furrowed. “Don’t fucking analyze me.”

“Easier to be angry, too,” Hange said.

Levi huffed and tilted the bottle to his lips.

Hange was quiet for a moment, fingers fidgeting.

“Shit it out,” Levi said.

“You don’t need to be paranoid. Erwin probably wouldn’t want me to give you this, but … ”
Hange pulled out a small, metal object and slid it across the table. “There’s your proof he wasn’t
distancing himself from you beforehand.”

Levi picked it up, examining it. A ring. The gradient on the metal was pleasing; it reminded him of
the sky on a clear day. “What is this?”

Hange’s jaw quivered for a moment before a kind smile took over. “He said this was an old
tradition, one from the time before the Walls: matching wedding rings. He was going to use this to
propose to you in Ehrmich.”

His chest ached so suddenly and violently that he thought, at first, he had somehow cracked a rib.
He blinked against the sting in his eyes. So that’s why he’s been so preoccupied with my fingers
lately. He tried it on each of his fingers; it was too large for any of them.
“That sausage-fingered bastard can’t even get a normal human-sized ring.” He swabbed his eye
with the back of his hand. “What the fuck did he expect me to do with this—wear it as a bracelet?
Fuck!” His hand curled around it, mashing it painfully into his palm.

Hange tried to drape an arm across his shoulders, but he jerked away. “Get off me.”

“I’m trying to support you.”

“You want to support me, then leave me the fuck alone,” he said, but that wasn’t what he wanted,
not really. His eyes were tearing up again, and he slumped forward. “Fuck!”

This time, when Hange draped an arm across his shoulders, he didn’t pull away.

Late that afternoon, Levi stepped into his room and closed the door.

The ring was still in his pocket, hot and glowing with body heat. Is this how warm it would have
been when Erwin pulled it out of his pocket, too? Fiery, like the sunset.

He flopped backwards onto his bed, holding up the ring to examine it. He was too drunk to focus;
there were two of them in his vision. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn’t unite them into
one. Fine, then: he would make his vows to both of them.

He closed his eyes. No matter what our future brings, Erwin, I will follow you.

He slipped the ring into the inside breast pocket of his uniform jacket so it would always rest next
to his heart.
 Home
Chapter Summary

A/N: Thank you for all the kind - and not so kind, mwahaha - words after chapter 33.
This chapter closes out Part III. I'm going to take a short break before starting up Part
IV, so I can a) look into possibly ordering printed copies of this story...? and b) finally
catch up on overdue comment responses on AO3 and Tumblr.

Also, I want to give a shout out to twistedkit for a lovely little ditty about Jean and
Armin reacting to chapter 33. ;) http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/127776529406/

Also, at http://35grams.tumblr.com/post/126136519079/ you'll find a lovely

commission from the amazingly talented35grams - Erwin & Levi at the Dok's house in
Part II. I am blown away by the detail. COMMISSION THIS ARTIST AND YOU
WILL BE DELIGHTED!

Anyway, let's close out Part III!

Previous chapter: Sahlo pulls out all the stops and murders Erwin's brother-in-law,
then threatens to murder everyone else, one by one, saving Levi for last. Erwin and
Levi decide their relationship is interfering with their mutual goals, and they agree to
put their relationship "on hold" until after the operation to reclaim Wall Maria is
complete. Sadness. Ring-related angst. Hange is not amused.

-34-

Home

Chatter arose from the end of the hallway.

Erwin lifted his head, heart pounding. The base was empty except for Hange and Mike, who were
sitting in his office with him, closing out the year’s reports. The chatter could only mean one thing:
Levi and his squad had returned from their scouting mission to the north.

Sure enough, Levi strode through the door. “Hey,” he greeted them, as if he had only been away
for a few hours.

Erwin held his breath, studying Levi for the first time in two long months. The dark hair was
longer and shaggy, his undercut was growing in, and his beard was thicker than Erwin had ever
seen it. His expression was neutral, but his eyes were locked on Erwin’s, and holding, and Erwin
found he couldn’t look away.

Gradually, he became aware that Mike and Hange were watching them, waiting for their reaction.

He stood tall, clasping his hands behind his back. “Welcome back.”

“Yeah,” Levi said. “Thanks.”

“Nice beard,” Hange offered.

“Yeah, yeah, I know; I look like shit.” Levi strode through the room and perched on the couch’s
armrest. “Do you know how cold metal gets up there? Got fucking frostbite just trying to hold the
razor.”

“It’s a good look,” Mike said.

“Of course you’d think so, Scruffy.” Levi’s face softened. “How’s Nanaba?”

“Pulled through just fine. She’s visiting her family for the holiday.”

“And you weren’t invited? What, you sniff around her too much and scare her off?”

Mike chuckled. “I have other plans.”

Erwin had been watching them, trying to find a good spot to join in the banter, and now that there
was a natural pause, he couldn’t figure out a way to contribute. “How did the mission go?” he
asked instead. “Any casualties?”

“None. We updated the maps, too.” Levi rolled his head, his neck cracking. “Found a passage clear
through to Wall Maria, wide enough to transport carriages—if they can handle the weather, that is.
Barely any titans up there. We only needed to take down two the entire mission, and only saw
maybe three or four. I have more to report, but that’s the gist of it.” He scratched his bristly jaw.

I wonder if his beard is wiry or soft? Erwin thought, which was the last question that should be
coming to mind. He curled one hand into a fist, digging his fingernails into his palm. “Thank you
for leading this mission, Levi. We should debrief as soon as possible.”

“Let’s do it now.” Levi bounced his legs a little, then stood. “But let’s go for a walk. Been on the
horse all day—need to loosen up my legs.”

“Of course.” He realized Mike and Hange were watching them again; his nails dug deeper into his
palms.

“Excuse me,” a timid voice said. “Captain, do you have a minute?”

The four officers turned to see Petra Ral standing in the doorway, her hands behind her back.

“Yeah, sure.” Levi winced a little as he rose to his feet, his knees creaking.

Hange leaned close to Erwin. “Ask him to join us.”

“That might complicate our situation even more,” Erwin said quietly, even though he wanted to.

“He doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“He could spend the holidays with me,” Mike said.

Hange glared. “You’ve been excited about getting one-on-one time with your cousin for weeks.
Besides, the last thing Levi’s going to want to do right now is ice fishing. More cold weather, and
fish guts everywhere? He’d spend the whole time complaining.”

“Very well,” Erwin said stiffly. “I’ll ask him during our debrief.” They were going to have to get
over their awkwardness sooner or later; it might as well be during a holiday.
The three officers fell silent, watching the exchange at the doorway. Petra was stammering
something to Levi, her cheeks bright red. She held a small package behind her back.

“Happy Birthday, Captain!” She thrust the package at him, looking down.

Levi’s brows rose as he accepted it. “You didn’t have to—”

“I know. You don’t have to open it now. I just … Thank you for everything you … ” She was
looking everywhere except at him—at the floor, at the gift, at the hallway—and then she looked
up at the doorframe. Her eyes widened. “Oh!”

Erwin squinted. “Is that mistletoe in my office doorway?” he asked Hange.

“This is going to be good,” Hange whispered. Mike nodded, folding his arms over his chest and
leaning back against the desk.

Levi, oblivious to the chatting officers, followed Petra’s gaze. “What? It’s just a Christmas
decoration.”

“It’s mistletoe.” Petra’s cheeks were redder than her hair.

“You’re supposed to kiss,” Hange called. “It’s tradition.”

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “What kind of stupid tradition is that?”

“It’s not mandatory,” Erwin said.

“Don’t worry, Captain.” Oluo stepped into view in the hallway. “I’m here to help if you need a
stand-in.”

“Uh … I should … Happy Birthday, Captain.” Petra covered her face and ducked out of the
doorway, disappearing down the hallway.

“Petra, wait.” Oluo jogged after her.

Levi stared after them, mouth hanging open, then shook his head. “Frostbitten brains, all of them.”
He paced back toward them, but stopped when he saw Hange and Mike snickering. “What?”

“You are so damned oblivious,” Hange said. “The poor girl’s head over heels for you.”

“Petra? No, we talked a while ago. She knows how much Erwin means to—” Levi winced. “
Meant to me. Why the hell do you have mistletoe in your doorway, anyway, Erwin? Were you
trying to kiss all your soldiers while I was gone?”

“This is the first time I’ve noticed it. Someone must have sneaked it up there while I wasn’t
looking.” Erwin cast a sidelong glance at Hange, who grinned and shrugged.

“I thought it was festive. So what’s in the package?”

The package had been meticulously wrapped with silver paper. Levi carefully opened a flap and
slid out the contents. “Tea.” He smelled it. “Good tea.”

“You’re welcome to make a pot before we debrief, if you like.” Erwin paused to reflect, then
added, “Or get cleaned up, if you wish. You’re probably eager to shave.” Soft or wiry? Which is it?

“ Nah, let’s do this now so I can relax later.” Levi cocked his head at the doorway.
They fell into step as easily as they always did, as if they hadn’t set aside their relationship, as if
they hadn’t been hundreds of kilometres apart for weeks.

Levi glanced around as they walked. “Where is everyone? This place is dead.”

“We lifted the base lockdown for the Christmas season. We haven’t identified any leaks, but there
hasn’t been any new information released to the soldiers, either, so the benefits to morale outweigh
the risks. The last few soldiers—like Mike—are in the process of leaving now; everyone has taken
advantage of their leave except Hange and me. You’re welcome to stay here with us, if you wish.
We’ll be having a small Christmas celebration tonight and tomorrow morning, but otherwise, we’ll
mostly be focused on work.”

Levi studied him. “You sure it won’t complicate things if I stay?”

“I wondered the same thing.” Erwin kept his gaze carefully focused in front of them. “We’ll need
to redefine how we interact with each other sooner or later, anyway. Might as well start now.”

“I guess.”

They stepped outside and began to stroll to the park behind the base. The trees were mostly bare,
save for the few evergreens scattered amongst them. The ground was covered in dead leaves and
the occasional skiff of snow.

“I’m a little disappointed,” Erwin said. “I love lots of snow at Christmas.”

“I’m sick of snow,” Levi said.

“I imagine. You’ll be glad to know it’s been unseasonably warm lately. If this trend continues,
we’ll be able to start our expeditions again as early as January.” They passed a bench, and he
paused, noticing a slight limp in the other’s gait. “Did you want to sit for a bit, or keep walking?”

“Let’s keep moving. Need to work out the aches.”

This was comfortable; it felt like any other walk through the park. Erwin felt the weight of the past
several weeks begin to lift. We’re going to be okay.

“ It’s good to be back,” Levi said, voice soft. “I don’t like being in charge for so long without
checking in with you.”

“You should have more confidence in your leadership abilities. It sounds like you did well.”

“Wasn’t exactly hard. We even finished a bit ahead of schedule, so we routed through Stohess on
the way back.”

“Oh?” Erwin said.

Levi was quiet for several paces, then said, “Didn’t feel up for going through Ehrmich.” He rubbed
his breast pocket, as if deep in thought.

Erwin subtly drew in a breath, releasing it slowly, as he fought to keep his mind from wandering in
that direction. In the daytime, he could usually keep himself focused. Night time was a different
story.

“Stopped in to visit Nile and Marie,” Levi said pointedly.

“Ah.”
“When I said you should try to date around a little, I didn’t mean you should try to fuck your ex.”

“Marie misunderstood my intentions—that was before you left. I was hoping to make her think you
and I had separated, in case Nile was saying more than he should to Sahlo, but she took it the
wrong way. I did nothing to convince her otherwise. It was the most convenient way to convince
the Doks we were no longer together.”

“You might have overplayed it a bit. They fed me drinks and ranted at me for a good three, four
hours. They’re moving, by the way. Eastern district of Wall Rose. Marie’s pregnant.”

“I see,” Erwin said.

“She wants to settle there long term, open a bar once the kids are old enough to go to school. I
guess her parents are retiring and moving in with them.”

“I see,” Erwin said again.

“She got a bit weird about my beard.” Levi scratched it. “Kept asking to touch it.”

“She really likes facial hair.”

“Well, she doesn’t have to be so creepy about it. Is that why Nile tries so hard to grow his face
pubes?”

Erwin chuckled. “How would poor Nile feel if he knew you were always talking about his beard
that way behind his back?”

Levi snorted. “I say it to his face, too.”

“Are you planning to keep yours?”

“Fuck, no.”

Erwin spent a few seconds trying to find a platonic way to ask him to describe the beard’s texture
before he realized there was, of course, none. He bit the inside of his cheek, his hands clasping
together behind his back.

They rounded a corner and took the left fork in the path, the one that circled the training grounds
instead of leading to town.

“Sahlo giving you any trouble?” Levi asked, and without even looking at him, Erwin could tell his
nose was wrinkled.

“Not really. I must admit, he is a shrewd business partner. Now that we’re working to the same
timeline and focusing on the same initiatives, we’ve approached several meetings as allies, and we
have the ability to read each other and play the room. I suppose our years-long rivalry, in a way,
trained us to read each other well.”

“Rivalry is a mild way to put it,” Levi muttered. “After all he—”

“I know. But we’ve been backed into a corner, so we might as well put a positive spin on it.” Erwin
didn’t mention the waves of panic he felt late at night, when he was too tired to hold back the
knowledge that he was cooperating with a man who was responsible for so much suffering in the
lives of people around him.

“He’s also doing a lot to help out with our weapons research,” he continued. “Thanks to the
investor support he’s garnering, Hange and Moblit have developed new nets that should be able to
restrain titans. After we test them in the field and make any necessary adjustments, we can use
them during the Wall reclamation. They’ll make a far more practical solution to temporarily block
the gates while we repair them—easier to control than gravel and debris, and a substantially lighter
load for the wall top carts.”

Levi glanced at him, then looked away. “I bet four-eyes actually invented them to capture titans.”

“Indeed.” Erwin grimaced. “That desire is only intensifying, and Moblit’s starting to harp on it, too.
I’ve already decided to grant them permission after the Wall has been reclaimed, but I haven’t told
them yet.”

“They’d just say it wasn’t soon enough, anyway.”

“Exactly. I’d rather give in to them afterwards and let them think it was their idea.”

Levi cocked his head at a nearby bench. “Legs aren’t loosening up as much as I hoped. Need to rest
for a bit.”

“Of course.”

Levi sat, and Erwin settled beside him. A breeze rustled the trees around them and raised
goosebumps on Erwin’s neck. Dead leaves swirled on the ground, then settled again.

“So, Sahlo’s playing nice,” Levi said. “Have you figured him out yet? Before I left, you said he
was spouting off Wallfucker dogma.”

“He has so many conflicting potential motivations that I can’t pin him down. It doesn’t help that
we’ve only been talking short-term strategy.” Erwin paused. “He changes the topic whenever I try
to bring up Wall Maria. It’s almost as if he’s stalling.”

“Stalling? For what?”

“Still trying to work that out.”

“You sound frustrated.”

“I am.”

After a long pause, Levi stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. “Does he still seem like
he genuinely wants to help the Underground?”

“Yes. He’s walked me through the process of supplying food to the people there—it is helping
feed the hungry, but it’s not enough. Unfortunately, the yeast supplement has encountered a few
setbacks. He’s hired a handful of new scientists to try to figure out how to cultivate it more
quickly.”

Levi rubbed his thighs. “Huh. So is he still a threat?”

“For now, no. He’s cooperating. We’ll see if that continues as we get closer to the reclamation.”

The unasked question hung between them: Is it still necessary for us to be apart? It certainly
seemed less pressing, with Sahlo under control, but that could change any moment. Another Sahlo
could easily be waiting in the wings. Erwin breathed in. The air still smelled like winter: chimney
smoke, and wet leaves.
“I took your advice.”

Levi eyed him. “Yeah?”

“Tried to act like a single straight man around town.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to
confess this. “I took Lady Gunnhild out for dinner.”

“Huh,” Levi said, unmoving. “She’s been after you for years.”

“Indeed, and she has a large sphere of social influence, and a penchant for gossip. Strategically, it
made sense.”

“Did you fuck her?”

“Of course not.”

Levi’s shoulders relaxed. “I bet you’d disappoint her anyway—it’s been so long since you’ve had a
woman in bed, you’d probably get confused and go for her asshole.”

For a moment, Erwin stared at him, stunned. Then, he started laughing. He had missed that
combination of deadpan delivery and inappropriate humour. Levi’s eyes twinkled at him before he
turned away.

“We shouldn’t be speaking about her this way,” Erwin said, feeling guilty for laughing at her
expense. “She’s a lovely woman.”

“Terrible taste in men, though.”

“Yes, just awful.” Erwin paused. “Something similar happened with Marie, when she and I were
together after Henrik died.”

Levi’s lip curled. “What, you went for her asshole?”

“No, but I got confused. I was too used to being with Henrik. I forgot to pull out.” He had never
told anyone that before, and it was wholly inappropriate to share it here, given his history with
Levi. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“It’s fine. We’re close, right?”

The words hung between them, then Erwin nodded. “Of course.”

Levi opened his mouth, but hesitated. Erwin waited, expecting more questions: did you kiss Lady
Gunnhild? Do you have any feelings for her? What are our ground rules for dating other people?

Instead, Levi said, “What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

“Sex with a woman.”

Fear gripped Erwin’s stomach as he thought of Petra standing beneath the mistletoe. He studied
Levi in his periphery and found he was unable to read him. “Why do you—”

“No, never mind.”

“If you want, I can talk about—”

“No, I don’t really care.” Levi shrugged it off. “Just making conversation.”

Erwin felt the need to make a joke to lighten the tension between them. “Well, at the very least, I
feel I should correct at least one of your misconceptions: some women actually like it when you
‘go for the asshole.’”

Levi snorted, then stood. “Let’s keep walking. I want to tell you about the expedition.”

As they continued to pace along the path, Levi spoke about the weather conditions, the terrain and
the geographical features on the route. He had an immaculate memory for his surroundings,
something Erwin found himself admiring each time it became apparent. He described the titans
they encountered, all of them abnormals.

“Made me think our titan problem would be less of a problem if we moved humanity to the
northern territories.”

“They’d probably follow us north,” Erwin said. “They like to go where the population is most
dense.”

“Ah, true.” Levi paused. “It’s beautiful up there, in a weird, frozen way. Lights in the sky every
night, everything muffled by snow. The cold is shitty, but I get why people still live up there.”

Erwin thought back to the time they had spent at the hot springs in Utopia District, three years ago,
and his throat ached.

They crossed the yard in silence, then walked back to Erwin’s office. Levi eyed the sprig of
mistletoe in the doorway, then quickly stepped through it. “Shitglasses is really into the holiday
this year, huh?”

“I think Hange’s convinced the holiday spirit will magically convince us to reunite,” Erwin said—
maybe it was too honest, but he was getting tired of dancing around everything that had happened
between them.

Levi leaned against the corner of his desk, folding his arms over his chest. “Hange’s still not taking
it well, huh?”

“No.”

“How about you?”

“I’ve been keeping myself too busy to consider it,” Erwin said, easing to a seat on the couch.

“Wish I could have done the same. Spent a lot of time staring at the northern lights late at night,
trying to make sense of it all.” Levi paused. “It’s weird now, isn’t it? Feels like we should be
rushing into town for a long night of sex.”

Their gaze held, then Erwin looked down. His stomach was still knotted.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Levi said.

“It’s fine. I don’t want us to start censoring ourselves around each other.” Erwin swallowed the
lump in his throat. “What we have—what we had doesn’t just lie dormant just because we’re
willing it to sink below the surface.”

“No, it doesn’t.”
“It will take time. We’re in this together,” Erwin said, even though the words didn’t quite make
sense for a relationship that was ‘on hold.’

“Partners,” Levi muttered, as if to himself.

Their gaze held again.

Levi slumped deeper against the desk, arms tightening around his chest. “So, let’s immerse
ourselves in the magic of the season. What are we doing first?”

“Once our debriefing has wrapped up, Hange and I are heading into town to buy groceries, a tree
and more decorations. You’re welcome to join us.”

“Sentimental bullshit,” Levi muttered, standing. “Fine, but I need to clean up first.”

“We’ll meet you back here when you’re done,” Erwin said, feeling the first real spark of the
season’s magic. It wasn’t the holidays without Levi by his side.

Levi closed the door to his bedroom and slumped down it to a seat. He stared fixedly at his hands,
picking at his fingernails to clean them, even though he was about to clean up in the bath, anyway.
The Doks had kindly offered him access to their shower, and he had taken full advantage of it, but
two months of travel was going to take more than a single shower to wash away.

When he was honest, it wasn’t the grime that was bothering him, anyway.

Partners.

He had forgotten how subtle Erwin’s cologne was, how it wafted from his body when he leaned in
close—did he realize he leaned down to Levi when they spoke? It could have seemed pedantic, but
it was just considerate. That was the way they operated: unconsciously drawn in to each other, the
world narrowing to just the two of them.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, unbuttoning his pants. If he was already filthy, he might as well embrace
his filth.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door, moving his hand hard and fast. The
expedition had been severely lacking personal time—a detriment of travelling with such a small
team in an outdoor environment. Between the constant cold and the confused thoughts about where
he stood with Erwin, he hadn’t had much of a libido, anyway.

But that look in Erwin’s eyes—there was still the same gentleness there that he only showed to
Levi, only in private. As much as Levi hated himself for it, he was glowing with hope.

After Wall Maria. It will all go back to normal after Wall Maria.

His wounds were still too fresh to keep thinking of Erwin, so he tried to blank his mind instead,
trusting his body to get where it needed to go. His mind betrayed him; he saw Erwin bent over in
front of him, felt the fuzz coating the thick, round muscles, remembered the taste of the skin
between them.
“Fuck,” he grunted between clenched teeth. He barely pulled out his handkerchief in time to catch
the mess.

Now he felt cold and ashamed.

He scrubbed himself twice in the bath: once to remove the filth of the expedition, the second to try
to cleanse himself of shame. He shaved off his beard and his undercut, then trimmed his hair and—
making sure no one was around to see—his nose hair.

His uniforms were badly in need of washing, including his cravat, so he dressed in black pants and
a green hooded shirt over a white dress shirt instead. Before he threw his uniform jacket into the
laundry hamper, he reached into the inner pocket to pull out the ring. He slipped it into the breast
pocket of his dress shirt, safely hidden beneath the top layer.

Once his boots were on, he strode to Erwin’s office. Erwin wasn’t around, but Hange lay on the
couch, wrapped in a long maroon jacket and a thick white scarf.

“You know it’s not that cold out, four-eyes,” Levi said, draping himself across the opposite couch.

“I get cold easily.” Hange sat up. “You’re underdressed.”

“All my winter clothes are filthy.”

“You look thin. Did you eat enough up there?”

He grunted. “Lost my appetite for trail rations.”

“Here.” Hange unwrapped the scarf, then threw it at him. He caught it with one hand.

“I don’t need this.”

“It’s for my benefit, not yours. You look awful without something covering that weird long neck.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, but he sat up and looped it around his neck. It was warm and smelled
surprisingly clean. “You actually bathed before you put this on?”

“It’s a special occasion.”

“Because I’m back?”

Hange grinned. “That ranks third. First is because it’s Christmas.”

“And second?” he asked, certain he was about to be teased, but curious anyway.

“I’m planning to buy new ink while I’m downtown.”

His lips flattened. “That ranks above me coming back alive?”

“ Red ink, Levi.”

“Are you two bickering already?” Erwin said good-naturedly from the door.

Levi turned, and his breath caught.

Erwin wore a long black coat, double-breasted, with a dark blue scarf that matched the outer ring
of his irises. His black pants were neatly tailored, making his legs look long and deceptively
slender. His hair glowed above it all, golden, clean, and crisply parted.

Levi rose to his feet. He had forgotten how handsome Erwin was. How could he have forgotten?
His mouth was dry. He had spent two months trying to convince himself he was okay with their
separation, but now it felt like mere minutes.

Erwin was staring at him, too, his jaw tight.

“Fun,” Hange said, a bit too cheerfully. “This is going to be fun.” A hand clapped into Levi’s back
so hard that he almost stumbled. “Come on, Commander, Captain! Trost awaits us.”

Then Hange stepped through the door, and it was just Erwin, Levi, and their awkwardness.

Erwin stood tall. “You look … ” He paused. “Refreshed.”

“Yeah. Feels good to be clean.” Emotions were warring inside Levi, and to his surprise, anger
seemed to be winning. Maybe he was still exhausted from scouting for so long—or maybe it was
the time of year. If he looked back a few years, he saw himself having a snowball fight with Erwin.
If he looked before that, he saw Isabel and Farlan decorating him like he was a tree. How much of
my own happiness do I have to give up for humanity?

“ Hey,” Hange yelled from the hallway. “Are you two coming?”

They walked three abreast through the streets. In spite of the food shortages, Trost was heavily in
holiday mode: lanterns hung in every window, and shop windows were decorated with ribbons and
ornaments. A group of carollers stood in the town square. Erwin hummed along as they passed, his
hum so deep that Levi could feel it rumbling in his chest.

“I didn’t know you could carry a tune,” Hange said.

Erwin smiled. “I’m passable, at best.”

Have I ever heard him sing? What else don’t I know about him? Levi’s mood soured even more.

Their first stop was a bakery, where Erwin bought a fresh loaf of bread and a pie for dessert. They
bought a goose at the grocery store, as well as squash and potatoes. Hange spent a small fortune on
spices for mulled wine.

Finally, they picked out a tree and decorations. While Erwin and Hange discussed their purchase,
Levi cast a look toward the back of the store, where he and Erwin had—on separate occasions, of
course—purchased erotic oils and toys. He wondered if Erwin still kept oils in the same hidden
locations as before. He wondered if he ever used the toys they had bought together, like he had
during their last night as a couple. His pulse raced.

The three of them worked together to carry the tree and their shopping bags back to the base.
Hange was chatting excitedly about holidays back home, and Erwin was smiling and laughing.
Levi felt empty. Lonely. This was a bad idea.

They leaned the tree against the wall in the dining hall.

“We’ll bring a couch down and light the fireplace.” Erwin gestured to the fireplace in the corner.
“Then we can spend some time decorating the tree.”

“Seems like a lot of hassle for just one night,” Levi said.
“Okay, shorty.” Hange clapped his back. “If you’re set on being grumpy, Erwin and I will do the
fun tasks out here. You start getting the food ready.”

“Fine.” He lugged the groceries to the kitchen.

There was something calming and satisfying about food preparation, akin to cleaning. Order from
chaos. Within an hour, he had the goose cleaned and cooking, the potato pancakes ready to fry, and
the vegetables cut and ready to steam. He didn’t know how to mull the wine, but he wasn’t sure he
wanted to interrupt Hange to ask. There was singing coming from inside the dining hall. It was
embarrassing.

Bracing himself, he stepped out of the kitchen.

Erwin and Hange were singing carols together and draping ribbons and garland around the tree. A
small fire burned in the fireplace in the corner of the dining hall. The pair had set up a carpet, one
of Erwin’s office couches and a side table to make a cozy little celebration area. Lanterns and
greenery decorated the walls, and nine candles had been set on the ledge above the fireplace.

The scene was so reminiscent of his last Christmas with Isabel and Farlan that Levi leaned against
the wall, his knees suddenly weak. It was a bittersweet feeling—he missed them, but his heart was
warm with love for Erwin and Hange.

“Levi,” Hange called. “Get over here.”

He wasn’t ready to immerse himself in festivities just yet. “I have the goose in the oven.”

“I’ll go check on it in a sec. I wanted to mull some wine, anyway.” Hange poured a glass of amber
liquid, finishing off a bottle. “Want some brandy?”

So they were drunk; that explained the singing and the flushed cheeks. “Sure.”

Erwin was fixedly adjusting an ornament, back to him.

“What do you think?” Hange asked, gesturing at their decorating job.

Levi shrugged. “It looks like you fed a bunch of Christmas ornaments to a titan and it threw up.”

“So damned grumpy,” Hange said. “Here, I know what will cheer you up. Hold still.” Hange
shoved a drink into his hand, then began to lower a giant festive bow toward his head.

“Don’t you—” Levi began, ducking away, but he had to be careful not to spill his drink, and it
slowed him down.

Hange clipped the bow into his hair. “There. I think it looks better on you than on the tree. Erwin?”

Erwin turned around, and then chuckled. “Very festive.”

Decorating me like I’m a damned tree … Levi’s throat was tight. He wanted to throw the bow to
the ground and storm out, but he couldn’t bear to ruin their fun. Instead, he sat down and delicately
set the bow aside. “You’re both idiots.”

“Still grumpy.” Hange drained a glass, then began to stride toward the kitchen. “He’s your problem
now, Commander. I’m going to take my turn in the kitchen.”

Erwin finished adjusting the ornament, then stepped back to admire it. “Are you okay, Levi?”
“Not really.” Levi took a large swig of brandy. He stared into the fire, enjoying its crackle. His life
had revolved around campfires lately; he figured he would have a hard time sleeping without one.

Erwin glanced back at him, then retrieved his own glass from the mantle. He sat on the far side of
the couch. “It is strange, isn’t it?” he said quietly.

“What?”

“Figuring out how to remove the romance from our relationship. Where the lines are.” Erwin’s
eyes were fixed on him. “It’ll be fine in capacities where we’re operating as Commander and
Captain—we’ve always done a good job of keeping our relationship out of professional settings,
anyway. But in settings like this, it’s difficult not to default to romance.” He paused to shake his
head, then lifted the drink to his lips.

“We just have to break the ice a bit,” Levi said. “We’ll figure it out.” He wondered if he would
ever be able to see Erwin sitting on a couch without wanting to crawl onto his lap and kiss him. His
skin was soft in the light from the fire, his eyes glowing. “It would help if you took worse care of
yourself, you know.”

Erwin’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You’re too damned handsome. Get a shitty haircut, let your unibrow grow in—”

“I don’t have a unibrow.”

“—grow a scraggly goatee like Nile’s. Maybe get Mike to give you a black eye or two.”

A corner of Erwin’s mouth lifted. “A black eye never deterred you before.”

“Good point. Maybe just start following Hange’s bathing routine instead.”

“Then you might be overwhelmed by the manliness of my musk.”

Levi gave a soft snort. “Okay, fine, bathe all you want. But the only way this is going to work is if
you make yourself repulsive to me, so get working on that.”

“Alright, but then you have to agree to do the same.” Erwin leaned forward, peering at him.
“Hmm.”

“What are you doing?”

“Figuring out how you could change to be repulsive to me.”

“What if I shave right here?” Levi said, drawing a circle around the top of his head.

Erwin squinted, as if considering. “No, that would be fine.”

“Broke my nose a couple times so it was crooked?”

“Then you’d look rugged.”

“How about if I got really, really fat?”

Erwin shrugged. “Then I’d be thinking about how pleasant and soft your hugs would be.”

“I’m out of ideas,” Levi said. “So I guess we’re fucked, then.”
“Thoroughly, thoroughly fucked.” Erwin took a long sip of his drink. “Discussing how much we’re
attracted to each other probably isn’t helping anything.”

“The whole point of this was to make us a little less important to each other. Make it so we weren’t
each other’s weakness.”

“I know.”

Their gaze held, and Levi’s stomach began to sink. It doesn’t matter what we do. We’re already
too important to each other.

Thoroughly, thoroughly fucked.

They ate their feast slowly, treasuring the fresh flavours. After so many weeks of trail rations, Levi
enjoyed the textures the most: the crispy, oily potatoes in the pancakes, the crunch of the beans,
the meaty texture of the goose, the fluffiness of the bread. After dinner, they sat on the couch—
Hange in the middle, snuggling with both of them—and drank mulled wine until their bellies
glowed. Erwin and Hange spoke of their favourite winter memories, and Levi joined in, reluctantly
at first.

His voice strengthened as he recalled the winter they had found a dirty patch of snow in the
Underground, fallen from one of the air vents to the surface. Isabel had insisted on making
snowmen, and Farlan and Levi had gotten caught up in her excitement. They used broken glass for
the faces and dirty rags for hair. Levi’s had been the ugliest—a little lump of muddy snow—and he
had been teased mercilessly for it.

When he finished talking, he realized his eyes were watering. Hange and Erwin were watching
him, faces solemn.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, wiping his eyes.

“It’s okay to be sad,” Hange said. “They were your family.”

Erwin nodded. “I suppose there are all sorts of families in this broken world of ours. The strongest
ones, for us three, seem to be the ones we’ve chosen.”

“Sentiment,” Levi mumbled, but his voice cracked.

Hange snuggled closer to him, head on his shoulder, elbow through his. He hesitated, then nuzzled
his cheek against the top of the auburn hair. Family. Mike was part of this family, too. And maybe
his squad. Hell, there wasn’t one soldier in the Survey Corps he wouldn’t trust with his life. Maybe
the new recruits, when they arrived, but once their numbers thinned and their skills were honed,
they, too, would join this strange family.

He stared at Erwin over the top of Hange’s head. They were so alike. Levi had taken abandoned
souls into his gang; Erwin took all the outcasts and freaks into the Survey Corps.

They ate the pie later that night, then sat on the couch some more and complained about how full
their stomachs were, until Erwin steered the conversation back to fond reminiscing.
Around nine o’clock, Hange stood. “This has been a lovely day, but I’m exhausted. Goodnight.”
After a hug for each of them, the Squad Leader stepped out the door, leaving them alone.

Levi was torn. On one hand, he was fatigued from his trip and the alcohol, and things were still a
bit awkward with Erwin. On the other, he was, as always, reluctant to leave Erwin’s presence.

“Don’t feel obligated to stay,” Erwin said, stretching out his legs. “You must be tired.”

With a shrug, Levi said, “I’m not sure I can sleep yet.”

Erwin’s head rolled along the top of the couch, eyes locking onto him. “Thank you for sharing your
story about the snowmen. For all the years we’ve known each other, I don’t know a lot about your
time in the Underground.”

“Not much worth sharing.”

“Would you mind talking a bit about what the holidays were like?”

Levi studied him. “You aren’t going to use what I tell you to analyse me, are you?”

“No. I’m just curious.”

“Okay.” Levi slumped deeper into the couch, tucking his legs beside him. He took another sip of
mulled wine. “Holidays were like everything else there: disgusting and cheap. There was a kid
down the street who made the best alcohol, and he had a sweet spot for Isabel, so he’d give us a
few bottles. Isabel and Farlan would scrape together whatever decorations they could find. We’d
stay up all night drinking—kind of like this, really. Isabel would start singing; she had a voice like
a songbird, a bit too shrill, but strong and clear.” His stomach was glowing. “The holidays were
never important to me, but they were important to them, so I tried to help them make it special.” He
blinked.

“I’m sorry they’re gone,” Erwin said solemnly. “I truly am.”

“Stop apologizing for that. They made their own decisions. I asked them to stay behind, and they
wouldn’t. You can’t … ” He cleared his tightening throat. “You can’t control what other people
choose to do with their lives, even when they’re being stupid. They weren’t my subordinates. I
couldn’t order them to stay.”

They were silent.

“This is depressing,” Levi said. “Change the subject.”

“Your accent,” Erwin said.

“Huh?”

“It gets stronger when you talk about them.” Erwin squinted. “Or maybe when you’re drunk.”

“I don’t have an accent, and I’m not drunk, and that’s all you have to say when I’m pouring my
heart out?”

“You asked for a topic change.” Erwin blinked. “Also, I may be a bit inebriated.” He pronounced
the word so slowly that it almost sounded like it had too many syllables.

“Fucking lightweight.” Levi tried to look down at his drink, and his vision blurred for a moment
too long before it focused again. “Okay, you tell me about your family so I can accuse you of
having some imaginary accent. What were the holidays like?”

Erwin’s face softened. “Papa loved this time of year.”

Levi’s heart skipped a beat. Erwin rarely spoke about his father, but when he did, it was with great
reverence—or calling his name in feverish dreams. “Oh?”

“He used to come home from the schoolhouse with pink cheeks and a big smile, bringing small
packages of candy, or decorations, or themed jewellery for Mama. She used to scold him for
spending too much money, but I think she loved it. At night, we would gather around the fireplace
and Mama would play the violin while Papa sang along, all sorts of strange carols and songs. Or
sometimes the four of us would paint lanterns together.” He smiled, his focus distant. “Christmas
Eve, Helena and I would sneak out of bed and whisper into the wee hours of the morning,
wondering what presents we’d get. I’m sure our parents must have heard us, but they never
interrupted us.”

“Did you get lots of presents?” Levi asked, unable to fathom the concept.

“Usually one present each. We were comfortable, but not rich. One year … ” His eyes glistened.
“Our last Christmas together, Papa gave me a second present, in private. It was a piece of the old
world, forbidden. No one alive knows it exists. I could be tried for treason simply for owning it.”
Erwin drained the rest of his glass, then sat up. “I could show it to you. But you can’t breathe a
word of it to anyone.”

Levi studied him, fascinated by the enthusiasm in the blue eyes. He couldn’t decide if it was
boyish or terrifying—maybe both at the same time.

“Okay,” he said, intrigued. “Show me.”

Erwin stood, swaying. “I’ll be right back.”

Erwin trailed his palm along the wall as he walked to his office from the bathroom. He hadn’t been
this drunk in years. He hadn’t even really noticed it until he had stood in a bathroom stall, the walls
warping around him. It felt good to let go like this without worrying about how it might appear to
the other soldiers.

He lit the lamp—after the third try—and sank to his knees by the bottom drawer of his desk. He set
Henrik’s drawing to the side.

The unused wedding ring sat neatly on top of his father’s gift.

His stomach sank. He had spent so much time in the Capital lately that he hadn’t seen this ring for
weeks, and with all the distractions of work, he hadn’t given the ring much thought. He picked it
up and, using all his focus, clumsily slid it onto his finger. It felt comfortable. Secure.

What would this night of celebration be like if they weren’t in the military? Maybe he’d be living
with Levi in a little house of their own, dancing in front of a tree and singing—did Levi even sing?
—while their little ones clapped and cheered. Two children, a boy and a girl. They could adopt
them from the Underground, give them a chance at more than patches of dirty mud-snow.
“Stop this,” he muttered, pulling off the ring. He had to stay vigilant. His relationship with Levi
was in a vulnerable state right now, and if he was drunk with wine, nostalgia, and hope, he might
cause irreparable damage.

He pulled out the book, then carefully set the ring back in the drawer.

When he returned to the dining hall, Levi was sitting on the floor at the base of the couch, head
leaning back against the cushion.

“Did you fall off the couch?” Erwin asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“No, I slid off.” Levi squinted at him with one eye, the other closed. “Watch it.”

“Watch what?”

Levi nodded up. “No kissing.”

Erwin looked above him and saw a sprig of mistletoe that hadn’t been there a few hours ago.

“Hange,” he muttered, squatting in front of Levi instead. “Need me to help you up?”

Levi was still squinting. “Not supposed to touch.”

“Right.”

“I’ll get up myself. Get us more wine.” Levi held out his glass, his hand swaying.

Erwin set his book on the armrest of the couch and filled each of their glasses while Levi struggled
back onto the cushion.

“What took you so long, anyway?” Levi asked. “Get lost?”

“I called for a navigator to guide me, but no one’s around.” Erwin handed him the glass. “You
should have some water, too. You’re going to be sick tomorrow.”

“Who cares? Best I’ve felt in months. And I’m finally fucking warm. No fucking ice and fucking
snow.” Levi took a long swig. “Let’s see this book.”

Erwin eyed the burgundy liquid wobbling perilously near the top of the glass. “Let’s wait until
we’ve finished these drinks.”

“You don’t look as enthusiastic as before.” Was that disappointment in his voice?

Erwin thought of the ring. “I suppose I had a sobering moment of realization.”

“Screw that. Tell me more about your family.” Levi leaned forward and pulled the side table
around to the front so he could use it as a footrest, crossing his legs at the ankles. “Grandparents?
Aunts or uncles?”

“No. I believe I’ve mentioned my stepfather before—he came into my life after Papa died, but I
don’t even know if Mama is still with him.” He closed his eyes, because thinking about his mother
reminded him of Helena’s sobs. “Papa didn’t talk about his family much. I got the feeling he fell
out with them long before I was born. Mama was an only child, and her parents died shortly after
she and Papa were married.” He smiled to himself. “Ah, but listen to me. I should start referring to
them like an adult instead of ‘Mama’ and ‘Papa.’”
“It’s fine.” Levi looked down, his face drawn.

“You had an aunt,” Erwin said gently. “Right?”

“Maybe.” Levi drained his glass and set it on the floor, then curled into himself, arms tight around
his chest. “Up north, when it was quiet, I spent a lot of time remembering— trying to remember. Is
my aunt really my aunt? What about the man who took me in, or the gang? I can’t trust any of it.”
His frown deepened. “I saw lots of fucked-up stuff down there, I know I did, but I blocked most of
it out. If I can’t trust my memories, how do I know who I am? I didn’t even know I was such a
monster until we went Underground and the knife was so familiar … “

Erwin was torn. He didn’t want this path to end Levi’s good mood, but then again, what if this was
the outlet he needed?

I never gave him time to dig into this in any depth, he realized, recognizing his instincts to curl
protectively around Levi and distract him. He wasn’t sure anymore if it was better to ignore trauma
or try to work through it. Neither option ever seemed to help.

“Shit.” Levi rubbed his temples with one hand. “One drink too many—tipped me over into being a
miserable bastard. Screw my past.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to discuss this more?”

“Yeah. Let’s see your book.”

Erwin set his glass on the table, too, and picked up the book. He slid across the cushions to sit next
to Levi, not quite touching him, but close.

“This is my last tangible memento of my father.”

“Looks old as hell.”

“It is. We don’t know how old; there’s a date in the front, but it uses a different date system.”
Erwin smoothed a hand across the leather surface. The edges were worn smooth. He opened the
front cover and prepared to turn the page.

“Wait,” Levi said. “Let me read the inscription.”

Erwin’s heart pounded in his chest. This wasn’t something he ever intended to share with anyone,
even his Captain.

“‘ Erwin ,’” Levi read, squinting. “‘ May you never stop dreaming, and may your quest for
knowledge always drive you forward. Love forever, Papa .’”

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

“Your writing looks like his,” Levi said.

“Does it?” Why did that make his heart swell with pride?

“I think … ” Levi paused. “This sums you up perfectly. You’re living your life exactly the way he
asked you to.”

Erwin’s eyes flooded with tears. He blinked them back. “You think so?”

“Yeah. Your mother and sister gave you shit all the time for it, but he would have been proud.”
I wonder if Papa would have liked Levi? Erwin wondered, even though that wasn’t relevant
anymore. He probably would have admired Levi’s loyalty.

Papa had always valued loyalty.

His gut twisted. He took a deep breath and turned the page.

Levi shifted closer, so close that Erwin had to pull his thigh away so they wouldn’t touch. “What’s
this?”

“A map of the world.” Erwin drew his fingertips around the borders of the landmasses. “Those are
continents—land, like where we are now. And around them is the ocean, salt water filled with
enormous fish and strange plant life.”

“Salt water,” Levi repeated, sounding confused.

“Exactly what it sounds like; it’s not normal water like we have in our rivers and lakes.

“This world is bigger than we can imagine; even Wall Maria would be less than the size of a gold
coin on this map.” Erwin turned the page. He had read this so many times that he knew exactly
what would be on each page. “These are volcanoes—molten rock pours out of the tops of
mountains, spewing ash into the sky. And here are deserts: sand that stretches as far as the eye can
see, with harsh winds and temperatures. These are rainforests: hot, humid forests densely packed
together, housing insects and animals so strange, we could only ever dream about them.”

He paused to glance at Levi, making sure he wasn’t boring him, but Levi’s eyes were wide and
shining as he leaned in. Erwin smiled. He had waited almost thirty years to share this book with
someone; he hadn’t realized just how badly he wanted to talk about it.

The next chapter showed illustrations of different birds, insects and animals from around the world.
Some were familiar, but many were strange.

“I like to think these creatures are still out there somewhere,” Erwin said. “The titans never pay
any attention to animals, so to them, their worlds are the same as ever, except without any
humans.”

“Maybe they like it better that way,” Levi said, words slurring. “No one cooking them for
Christmas dinner.”

“Maybe.” Erwin turned the page, eager to get to his favourite chapter. “But this is what really
fascinates me.” He slid the book closer to Levi, showing him a two-page spread. A variety of
humans stood together, illustrated with a wide range of traditional garb. Some had striking features,
unlike anyone he had ever seen.

“Who are all these people?” Levi asked, sounding surprisingly enthralled.

“Long ago, before the walls, humanity was made up of all kinds of people of diverse sizes, shapes,
skin colours, and cultures.” Erwin ran his fingertips across the page. “Aren’t they beautiful? Look
at how varied their garb is. They spoke all kinds of languages, had all kinds of traditions and life
outlooks that have been lost to time.” His throat ached with the strange, sad nostalgia that gripped
him whenever he stared at this page. “What happened to us, Levi? How did all these cultures and
people disappear, leaving us with only a tiny subset of the diversity of human life? Were there wars
based on culture that extinguished all these lights?” He swallowed hard, bracing himself to say
what he had never said to anyone: “Or are they still out there somewhere?”
Levi’s gaze shifted to him. “You think there are people outside the walls?”

“Look how big the world is. Look how many people inhabited it.” His head spun, and he was sure
it wasn’t just from the drink. “They must be out there, somewhere. Imagine what they can tell us
about this world we barely know. Imagine what they can tell us about where we came from, how
we found our way into these walls.”

He turned the page, revealing masterpieces: stone pyramids, and large buildings with multiple
columns, and shrines covered in thousands of small statues, and palaces with unfathomably large
gold bulbs on towers. “Look at what humanity can create when it works together.”

“Is this what your dreams are about?” Levi asked. “Finding these people?”

Erwin hesitated, realizing he wasn’t willing to disclose the more dangerous aspects of it. “Partly.
There’s more, but this isn’t the time to discuss it.”

He could feel Levi’s eyes on him. He turned, and saw that the eyes were shining. “What does that
look mean?”

“I forgot how much I like you,” Levi said.

Erwin’s stomach dropped. “Levi, we came to an agreement.”

“No, I mean how much I just..like you.” A shrug. “We were always too busy working or trying to
jam our dicks into each other to talk like this.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Early in their relationship, they had spent a lot of time talking about things
other than work, and doing non-work activities—like reading together—that had allowed them to
simply enjoy each other’s presence. As the years had slipped by, everything had fallen to the
wayside except work or sex. Levi had always been more than a lover; he was his best friend, and it
hurt to realize they had inadvertently pushed that aside.

“But should we even be trying to maintain a friendship right now, anyway?” he wondered aloud.
“Or should we have a purely professional relationship? Do we even have time to be anything but
colleagues?”

Levi winced and flopped back against the couch. “Who knows?”

There was a long pause. Erwin stared at the fire; it was smouldering, and needed another log to
keep burning. He still felt warm, with Levi beside him and his father’s book in his lap, but he could
feel melancholy creeping up the back of his throat.

He carefully closed the book and stood.

“Leaving?” Levi said.

“I feel my mood starting to turn—I’d hate to spoil such a lovely day. Better if I sleep through it.”

Levi gave a long sigh and stood, wobbling a little. “Yeah, I need to sleep, too.”

Erwin blew out the candles, then attended to the fireplace, exaggerating his movements to try to
overcompensate for his clumsiness.

Levi staggered toward the door, then caught himself on the doorframe, doubling over. “Holy fuck.”

“Tipsy?”
“Drunk off my ass.”

Erwin carefully approached him. “Need help?”

“You’re not s’posed to touch me.”

“I can make an exception,” he said, reaching for Levi’s elbow with his free hand, but he paused
when he realized Levi was staring fixedly above them.

“What?” Erwin followed his gaze to the mistletoe, and his breath caught.

“Dumb tradition anyway,” Levi muttered. “Bad hygiene.”

Erwin studied him. His face was soft and smooth in the dying light of the fire. His lips were moist,
and he was so small, so perfectly small. He wanted to run his thumb across that pouty bottom lip,
grip his chin, pull him in. Levi’s eyelids were drooping, eyes fixed on Erwin’s lips. Was it his
imagination, or were they leaning in to each other? He could feel the heat of Levi’s breath—kissing
that mouth would be so soft, so warm …

Stop.

He thought of Helena sobbing over her husband’s body, thought of Levi’s skin stained corpse-blue
in the moonlight during their last expedition together.

He had to tear the words from himself, raw and painful: “We can’t.”

Levi broke eye contact, looking not away, like he usually did, but down at the floor.

Erwin stepped into the hall. The air here was cold, and his chest still hurt from saying those two
awful words. He forced himself to breathe.

“Remember our promise to each other,” he said. “We’ll revisit this after Wall Maria.”

“Why bother saying that?” Levi said. “We’re going to die in the reclamation effort anyway, right?”
He pushed past him and began to walk away, one hand on the wall for support.

“Levi, I know this isn’t easy.”

Levi stopped, but didn’t turn to face him. “I’m just drunk.”

“It’ll take time.”

“I know.” A pause. “Thanks for sharing your book with me.”

“Of course. Goodnight, Levi.”

Levi glanced back at him over his shoulder, face unreadable, then continued to shuffle away.

Erwin carefully set his father’s book back in the drawer and placed the ring on top of it. Closing
the drawer felt like he was betraying them both, and he wasn’t sure why.
He paced toward his room. Maybe he shouldn’t be fuelling his feelings for Levi, but he couldn’t
stop thinking about the moment under the mistletoe. How good would that kiss have felt, after two
months of believing they might never kiss again? There was no one around to catch them except
Hange—they could have kissed frantically in the doorway, falling together on the couch, having
loud, drunken sex in front of the fire.

His footsteps slowed as he neared the end of the corridor. He had to move past Levi’s bedroom
before he reached his own. He still had the key to his room. He could slip into the room, crawl into
his bed. They were both drunk; surely that gave them some leeway.

Stop this. He clenched his jaw and kept moving.

He lit a lamp, locked his bedroom door and strode to the drawer, pulling out a thick plug and some
oil. This toy always reminded him of the time they had made love after the incident in the
Underground, when Levi had blindfolded him and bound him to the bed. He adjusted the front of
his pants, his body already anticipating what he was about to do. I guess all that wine won’t slow
me down.

He tossed his clothes on the dresser, then crawled into bed, shivering a little. Masturbation was
normally something he did quickly and quietly—mostly out of time constraints, and a bit out of the
belief that a man his age should show some decorum—but he had drunk away his usual inhibitions.
After all the tension he had experienced with Levi, he owed himself some extra attention.

He carefully lined up a few pillows lengthwise and lay face down on top of them, like he used to
do when he was younger. What had been titillating as a youth was a poor approximation now that
he knew what a real human felt like beneath him, but at least it would be something different than
usual.

He carefully oiled up the toy, but his body wasn’t so eager, and he winced. Apparently he wasn’t
used to this type of stimulation anymore. It was a strange thing to think, but he felt as if he were
letting Levi down, especially after the focus on toys during their last time together. He likes
thinking about me touching myself. He’s probably picturing me doing this kind of thing. He’d be
disappointed.

He closed his eyes and awkwardly reached behind himself, skating his fingertips across skin,
trying to approximate Levi’s tongue. There were so many memories to focus on that he didn’t
know which one to pick, but he found himself in a hypothetical instead: what if Levi walked
through the door right now and saw this? What if he made some crass, insulting comment and
stepped forward, pulling Erwin’s hand aside, using his mouth instead?

“Fuck,” he whispered into the pillow, because the liquor made it easier to get lost in his
imagination. He pictured Levi’s hands pulling him apart, nose and tongue sliding along damp
flesh, humming and purring into the skin.

After a few more minutes, the plug slipped neatly into place. Erwin gasped. He grabbed himself
and buried his body in the pillows, rocking his hips into his hand, imagining he was on top of Levi
instead.

Oh, fuck. He grabbed the pillow near his face with his free hand, pretending he was gripping
Levi’s hair, because what did he care how embarrassing he was acting? He was drunk, and he was
alone, and there was no one to judge him. He pictured the expressions Levi would be making if he
was fucking him like this. Nails would be raking into his back, a soft voice whispering into his ear,
does it feel like there are two of me right now?
Orgasm was already sneaking up on him, but no, he was going to relish this. He kept his pace slow
and bit into the pillow, muffling a groan.

Levi lay on his back on the bed. He pressed a forearm over his eyes, trying to stop the room from
spinning. Even his emotions were spinning—with all that was going on, how was he supposed to
feel?

A rhythmic creaking sound caught his attention.

Levi lifted his head, then immediately regretted it; the room tilted. He lay it back down, straining
his ears. That was definitely a creaking bed. It must be coming from Erwin’s room. Did Erwin
have someone in there with him? That seemed extremely unlikely. The only person around was
Hange, and there was nothing between them. Maybe he was just doing sit-ups or something.

Levi slid down to the floor, intending to crawl to the wall to listen better, but the room was
spinning too much. Instead, he rolled onto his side on the floor, pressing his ear to it.

The creaks almost sounded like the long, slow strokes Erwin did when he was really turned on, but
trying to pace himself. He thought of how much Erwin enjoyed rubbing against things. Does he
have a sex doll in there or something? Or is he just giving himself rug burn on the sheets?

It had to be wishful thinking, but he was getting hard just thinking about it. He rolled onto his back,
uncomfortable. Was this an invasion of privacy? It wasn’t his fault if Erwin didn’t know how to
control himself, was it?

He heard a muffled moan that was decidedly Erwin’s, and his moral quandary disappeared beneath
a flood of hormones.

This is wrong. He pulled himself out of his pants and held his breath, ears straining to listen. This
is fucked up, you piece of shit. Don’t fucking eavesdrop on him.

But now he was listening to that rhythm and picturing Erwin grinding against the bed, face flushed
and red, neck tendons strained, his ass muscles rolling and clenching with each thrust.

Oh, fuck. Levi tugged hard and fast, his eyes closed. He heard another stifled moan. Listen to you,
you beautiful horny bastard. Was he always this frantic when he jerked off alone, or had he lost all
control? Had the tension between them driven him to desperation?

The bed was creaking faster now, faster, and he recognized this pace. It was the same whether
Erwin was in his throat, taking, or giving, whether they were making love or fucking. These last
few seconds were completely out of his control, an instinctive rhythm as reliable as a ticking clock.
His head would be tilting back, his lips stretching into an “O”, his brows pinching and twitching—

The creaks suddenly slowed, loud and violent.

He’s coming. He’s coming … Levi gasped and squeezed his eyes shut as he came hard.

Then there was mess everywhere, but he could only lie back against the ground again. His head
was spinning, and everything was foggy. He closed his eyes, willing the spinning to stop.
When Levi opened his eyes again, his room was bright. Far, far too bright. He sat up, clutching at
his head; he swore he could feel his brain rattling around. His tongue was dry and swollen, and his
front was sticky. Did I actually overhear Erwin jerking off last night? Or did I just dream it and I
got sick all over myself? Maybe it was both.

He half-heartedly mopped himself with a handkerchief and pulled on comfortable clothes, because
he didn’t have the energy to bathe or put on his uniform just yet.

When he arrived downstairs, he found Erwin slumped on the table beside a plate of toast.

“Hey.” Levi slid into the seat across from him. “Hung over?”

Erwin lifted his head, his hair hanging in his face. His skin was pale, his eyes bloodshot. “Yeah,”
he croaked.

Levi squinted at him, still not sure if he had dreamed everything that happened. “You know, the
walls between our rooms are thinner than I thought.”

Erwin held his gaze. “What makes you say that?”

Levi ignored the question and reached for a piece of toast. “Are you going to take today off? Or are
you such a workaholic that you’ll work with a hangover on Christmas?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” Levi bit off a piece of bread, then swallowed before he continued. “Mind if I
swing by your office for a while? I’d like to talk a bit more about the personnel plans for Wall
Maria, especially because we have the next wave of new brats joining us in the spring.”

“Of course.” Erwin paused, then bent to the side. He set a bag on the tabletop.

“What’s that?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to buy you a birthday gift or not, but I’ve been holding onto this
for a while. Thought you might enjoy it.” Erwin slid the bag toward him. “Happy Birthday, Levi.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I know. It’s fine. It’s partially for me, too.”

Levi looked at him quizzically, then reached into the bag. A book: The Secret Soldier.

“ What’s this?” he asked, pulling it out.

“The bookseller assured me it’s an action-packed tale of a Garrison soldier who leads a double life.
What you said last night really resonated with me. I genuinely like you, and I’m sorry I didn’t do
more to show it. We were so busy being colleagues and lovers that, somewhere along the way, we
forgot to be friends. I thought we could make time to read together now and then, maybe go up to
the guard tower like we used to. We wouldn’t cuddle, of course, but the distraction from work
could do us both some good.” Erwin sat tall. “Maybe we can’t be romantically involved anymore,
but I’m not willing to sacrifice our friendship to Sahlo.”

Levi’s throat was tightening. He cleared it and nodded. “Neither am I. But you’ve got it wrong,
Erwin. We were always friends.”

Erwin smiled.

Levi cleared his throat again, embarrassed. “So, now what?”

“Well, no one’s coming back from leave until tomorrow. Let’s set aside some off-duty time again
tonight. It might be a bit too cold for the guard tower, but I was thinking we could keep the couch
down here tonight, maybe read a chapter or two once our work is done.”

“Sure.”

Erwin stood and clutched his forehead, wincing. “Damned hangover. I know it’s not a scheduled
day, but I’m going to heat the baths. Take advantage of that, if you wish.”

Levi nodded. “I will.”

As Erwin was leaving, he stopped in the doorway and looked up, his face suddenly sombre. He
pulled down the mistletoe and examined it in his hands. “I’ll tell Hange to stop leaving these
everywhere.”

Levi leaned back, trying to look casual. “Now it looks like you’re holding it over your crotch. I
don’t think friends kiss each other’s dicks, blondie.”

Erwin gave him a surprised look for a moment, then looked down. He gave a soft chuckle. “Well,
that’s disappointing.”

“Dumb tradition, anyway.”

“Yeah.” He looked thoughtful. “I sometimes wonder why we value traditions so much. Perhaps it’s
because life is change. Traditions serve as anchors; people cling to what’s familiar so they feel like
they still have some control—but in reality, these traditions are just hollow rituals, little bits of false
hope that do nothing to prevent the changes we so fear.”

“You’re getting weird again,” Levi said. “I’m too hung over for this.”

Erwin chuckled. “So am I.” He turned the sprig over in his hands, then looked up. “Come by my
office any time. I’ll be there.”

“You still going to be rambling about anchors and plants?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay. I’ll come by once I get cleaned up.” Levi found he was looking forward to getting back to
work. It would be nice to get back to routine.

Or in this case, he reflected, to start defining a new one.

Their gaze held for a beat too long, and then Erwin nodded a farewell and walked away, the
mistletoe clenched tightly in his hand.
 Covers (Part IV)
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you so much for your support and comments. Sorry this update took so
long! Also sorry it's so huge - wasn't quite big enough to split into two.

Shoutout to lady-maverick81 for mentioning HCT & UNKLE's song "Glow" in the
blurb for a cute eruri pic!
http://lady-maverick81.tumblr.com/post/132198467500/
It's awesome that my fic could play a part in inspiring you to draw cute eruri. YAY! :D

Okay okay, no more rambling...on with the fic.

Previous chapter: during a Christmas celebration, Erwin and Levi struggle a bit with
their mutual attraction, but, at the same time, find ways to strengthen their friendship.
Also, Hange keeps trying to bait them with mistletoe.

Part IV

Glow

Levi slumped into a couch in Erwin’s office and slapped a folder onto the coffee table. Erwin
didn’t move; he sat at his desk reading a worn journal, his brows set in the deep pinch he wore
when he was intently focused.

“Erwin.”

The man blinked and looked at him, then his face softened with recognition. “My apologies, Levi.
I didn’t hear you come in.”

It was only in recent months that Levi had noticed that softening expression—gentle, warm and
only for him. His throat ached; he cleared it. “It’s almost dinnertime. I need your signoff on the
expedition paperwork.”

“This journal of Ilse Langner’s is fascinating.” Erwin’s gaze shifted back to the worn journal. “I’m
glad you spotted it. It’s incredible that a titan could possess language skills and show genuine care
for another being. It’s a pity we lost a woman as brave as Ilse; to be so dedicated to the cause that
she would document bizarre titan behaviour even as it was eating her … ” He shook his head as if
in awe. “Her documentation changes everything.”

Realizing he wasn’t going to get any traction with his paperwork discussion, Levi gave in. This
discussion was more interesting, anyway. “The credit really goes to shitglasses for bolting off like
the horses were on fire. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have found the corpse and the titan, and I
wouldn’t have had the opportunity to spot the journal.”
“Then I suppose I shouldn’t discipline Hange too harshly.”

“No, go ahead. That behaviour was reckless and stupid, especially for a Squad Leader, who’s
supposed to be setting a good example for the others.” Levi threw an arm over the back of the
couch, opening his mouth to continue, but then froze.

Erwin was staring down at the book; his lips were twisted into an eerie grin.

“Erwin?”

“Do you realize what this means, Levi?”

“Judging by that creepy look, I’d say it means you just shat your pants.”

Erwin looked up, his face softening again. “This titan has intelligence. It formed a bond with a
person. It implied there was a hierarchy among the titans—”

Levi’s skin crawled. “Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Talking about this.” How many titans had he slain by now? That was okay so long as they were
dumb creatures who were driven to kill by instinct. If they had intelligence, bonds and a social
hierarchy, that meant he was disrupting a society. They had to be the monsters, not him.

Erwin looked taken aback, but closed the journal. He crossed the room and sat on the opposite
couch, then let out a low sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “At any rate, I don’t think I can
continue to deny Hange and Moblit’s requests. We clearly know very little about the titans—far
less than I thought.” He lowered his hand, his brows still pinched. “Perhaps this is worthy of some
resources after all. Our major Wall Maria reclamation effort won’t begin for several months, and it
won’t take more than an expedition or two to stock and scout the final two checkpoints. If we
gather data now, we’ll have plenty of time to adapt our strategy to incorporate whatever they
learn.”

“You want to let them capture a titan?”

“Yes, and within the next week or two so we have time to reorient ourselves for the next
expedition briefing with the Council. There’s only one squad strong enough to help them do it
without sustaining grievous losses.” Erwin leaned forward, gaze intense. “Will you accompany
Hange?”

Levi sighed. “You say that like it’s a question, but I know it’s an order.”

“This isn’t a typical mission. I want to give you the opportunity to speak up if you think I’m asking
too much.”

“No. I’ll do it.”

“Good. Thank you. Now, the paperwork you need signed off—”

“Here.” He held out the folder.

Erwin took it, but peered at him. “Are you feeling okay, Levi?”

His throat was still aching, and it didn’t seem to be from emotional stress alone. Maybe he would
pick up some lozenges while he was in town. “Fine. Why?”
“You look a little pale.”

“I’m always pale.” Levi stood. “A few of us are going into town to buy personal supplies. You
need anything?”

“No, thank you. Hange is shopping right now, too. If you happen to cross paths, please mention
that I’ve approved the mission.”

“Can’t do it face to face?”

Erwin smiled. “After all those years of declining proposals, I fear it’s a little difficult to admit we
should have been doing deeper titan research this entire time.”

It was tempting to tease him about his ego—Levi knew it existed, beneath all those layers of
decorum and politeness. Still, he firmly believed Erwin had been making the right call all along.
“You couldn’t have known there was anything this interesting about titans. We’ve only ever seen
them try to eat us.”

Erwin smiled. He stood, tapping the file. “And about my next trip to the Capital … ”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be accompanying me.”

Their gaze held.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Levi asked. They had fallen into a good routine since
Christmas, but there was still the odd spark of tension here and there. If they diverged from that
routine, who knew what might happen? They risked accidentally undoing all the careful control
they had imposed on their relationship.

“We can’t keep putting it off.” Erwin stood tall, clasping his hands—and the file—behind his back.
“Our allies in the Capital are already beginning to comment on your absence.”

“Huh.” He couldn’t imagine who would have noticed, aside from Sahlo and Nile.

“Besides, we’ve reached a good balance now. We’ll be fine. But let’s worry about capturing a titan
first. Meet with Hange and me at dinner to talk about the specifics.”

It seemed like the end of the conversation, so Levi nodded and turned for the door. He still hadn’t
figured out how to end conversations now that a goodbye hug or kiss wasn’t an option.

“Levi.”

He turned.

Erwin was still wearing the same intense look as before, so the words were a surprise: “Pick out a
new book while you’re in town. I’ll reimburse you the cost.”

“Yeah? What kind of book?”

“Anything you want. If you have time tonight, maybe we can read the first chapter.”

“Yeah, sure.” Levi turned away again.

He could feel Erwin’s gaze lingering on him as he left.

-35-

Covers

Erwin stood in the courtyard, watching the titan capture team ride up the driveway. Two horses
pulled an enormous cart draped with blankets. He counted exactly a dozen soldiers—the same
number they had left with. Energy twitched through every muscle in his body. They did it. They
actually did it.

“ Erwin!” Hange yelled from across the courtyard, before the gates were even open. “Three metre
class. No deaths!”

The other soldiers began to cheer. Their enthusiasm was so contagious that Erwin grinned. “Most
impressive.” He clasped his hands together behind his back, waiting. His eyes trailed the soldiers,
but when they fixed on Levi, his smile faded. Levi’s skin was flushed and waxy, and he hunched
forward over the neck of his horse.

The team fell into line in front of him, halting the horses. They saluted. Erwin saluted back; his
eyes were still on their Captain.

“Levi? Everything all right?”

“Just tired,” Levi croaked.

“Go straight to the san to get checked out.”

“I’m fine.”

The other soldiers dismounted and began to lead their horses to the stables. As Petra walked past
Erwin, she said quietly, “He’s sick, but he’s being stubborn about it.”

Before he could reply, a strong hand clamped over his arm and yanked him toward the cart.
“Erwin, come see!” Hange threw the corner of the blanket off the cart to reveal a massive face and
oily hair.

Erwin’s chest tightened, but he kept his expression calm, leaning closer. Heat streamed off the
beast’s skin; it smelled vaguely of sulphur. He stared into its eyes, and it stared back without a
single flicker of intelligence. He was disappointed. “Is this an abnormal?”

“No. Abnormals are relatively rare—we need to focus on learning more about the regular ones
first, right? Bigger impact on our missions. Isn’t it beautiful?” Hange reached in a hand as if to
poke its nose.

“Squad Leader,” Moblit yelped, “it’ll chomp your arm off.”

“Yes, we must remain cautious around it,” Erwin said, having a sudden terrifying vision of a titan
stampeding through the base. “Secure it as soon as possible.” They had designated a small, walled
section of the courtyard as the study area; stakes, chains, nets, and ropes were waiting for their new
guest.

Once Hange and the other soldiers had begun to haul their captive away, Erwin strode back to his
stubborn Captain, who still sat atop his horse.

“Levi.”

“I said I’m fine.” Levi swung one leg over the saddle and dropped to the ground. His knees buckled
the instant he landed, and his eyes rolled back into his head.

“Levi!” Erwin lunged and caught him. His skin glowed with almost as much heat as the titan. Shit.
This was only the second time Levi had become ill since they had met; he had always seemed
unstoppable.

Eld appeared at his side. “Is he okay?”

Erwin lifted the unconscious man to his chest, surprised, as always, by how small and dense his
body was. Or had he lost weight? It was difficult to tell. He delicately cradled him. “Check his
breathing.”

“Sir.” Eld held his hand over Levi’s nose, then felt the pulse at his neck. “His pulse is a bit fast. He
definitely has a fever.”

“Is anyone else showing signs of illness?”

“No, sir.”

“I’ll put him under quarantine just in case. If any of the other soldiers begin to show signs of
illness, please report to me immediately.”

“Sir.” Eld watched, worried, as Erwin carried Levi through the courtyard; the other soldiers turned
to look as he passed.

Once they were in the hallway, Erwin murmured, “Your soldiers care so much about you, Levi.
You’d better get well soon so you don’t worry them.” His voice cracked, and he was glad no one
was around to hear it.

It wasn’t until Levi was safely on a bed in the san that it struck him: they weren’t supposed to
touch. He clenched his jaw. This was an exceptional circumstance, he told himself, but now he
was becoming hyper-aware of the sensations in retrospect: relaxed muscles, small shoulders and
hips …

“We’ll take good care of him,” the medic said. “You’re welcome to stick around, if you want.”

He wanted to wash Levi’s forehead with a cold cloth and hold his hand and read stories to him
until he regained consciousness, but he needed to step away. Touch was too powerful; it would
undo all the careful groundwork they had laid since their separation in the fall. “No, thank you.
Please update me the instant his status changes.” With one final look at Levi, he stepped out of the
room.

Erwin returned to the yard and, after reassuring the soldiers that Levi was in good hands, requested
a mission report from Moblit. In the background, Hange and the other soldiers began to stake the
titan to the ground.

“No mishaps?” he asked, still unable to believe it.

“None, sir. Not yet, at least.” Moblit eyed Hange nervously; the Squad Leader was standing a little
too close to the titan, but the other soldiers seemed to have it restrained well.
“Perhaps you might like to take the afternoon off,” Erwin suggested, noting the deep shadows
under his eyes. “It looks like they have it well in hand.”

“I’ll just help them until—”

The titan lunged, its teeth snapping shut just shy of Hange’s knees. Hange cackled.

“Squad Leader, it’s too dangerous!” Moblit rushed toward the group.

The man’s going to give himself a heart attack one of these days. Maybe Erwin should pull Hange
aside and have a talk about risk-taking, but he suspected it wouldn’t stick, anyway. The Squad
Leader was only getting more reckless with time.

As he returned to his office, his thoughts kept pulling toward Levi. He resisted the urge to check on
him, settling into his chair with a pen and paper instead. He was due at the Capital the following
week to pitch their next expedition proposal, and the successful capture of a titan was going to give
him an opportunity for a triumphant speech. With the right wording, he could secure extra funding
for the regiment.

A knock sounded; he looked up and saw Nifa standing in the doorway. “Yes?”

“Mail delivery.” She held out a stack of letters. He wondered why she was grinning, then saw that
the top one was from Lady Gunnhild, with a lipstick mark in place of her usual seal.

He let out a low, displeased sigh and accepted the bundle of letters. Though he had accompanied
the Lady to several social events over the past few months, he had made it very clear that he wasn’t
actually courting her. She had seemed to understand and even embrace the idea of a fake
relationship; she had stopped trying to grab his rear in public, at least.

He sorted through the rest of the mail first, and then stared at the envelope, his elbows on the table,
hands folded over his mouth. The lipstick mark stared back at him.

Maybe I should go check on Levi, or see how Hange’s doing with the titan.

He turned the envelope over. Something about her script was jarring. Familiar. And not because of
the Lady herself. His eyes narrowed, and he reached for his letter opener.

The paper inside had no signature, and a single written line:

Smith, will be paying you a visit on Tuesday. Tell no one.

Sahlo’s handwriting. What game was the lord trying to play this time?

Regardless, “tell no one” always excluded one party, no matter who asked. This was a good excuse
to go see if Levi was awake.

His bed at the san was empty, and Erwin had felt a momentary grip of panic before a medic
informed him they had transferred Levi back to his bedroom. Returning to the officers’ quarters,
Erwin knocked on the door, and was surprised when Petra answered it. She wore a cloth over her
mouth and nose as a mask.

“Commander,” Petra said with a salute. Behind her, he could see Levi asleep in his bed. A full mug
of tea and an untouched soup bowl sat on a bedside table.

Erwin found himself lost for words and, confusingly, his heart ached. He hadn’t realized it until
that moment, but he thought of himself as Levi’s caretaker—his only caretaker.

You separated. You should only think of yourself as his Commander and his friend.

He finally found his voice. “How is he?”

“Sleeping heavily.” Petra looked back at the slumbering Captain, her eyes soft. “They still don’t
know what he has. You’re welcome to come in, but you should wear a cloth just in case it’s
contagious.”

A few minutes later, he sat on a chair next to Petra, a cloth tied over the lower half of his face.

“The medics asked us to keep an eye on him in case anything changes.” Petra spoke softly. “Eld’s
the most senior, so he volunteered, but he had a special date night planned in advance, so I took
over for him.”

“Seems like caring for an unconscious man would be a boring mission,” Erwin said, noting that
she didn’t even have a book with her.

He could tell she was smiling by the lines in the corners of her eyes. “I don’t mind.”

Erwin studied Levi’s face, slack and relaxed, his cheeks abnormally red.

“He looks so peaceful,” Petra said. “It’s strange to see him without a frown.”

An ache gripped Erwin’s heart. The expression wasn’t strange at all, not to him. Not too long ago,
it had been his to view whenever he wanted, almost every single night—or at least a few nights a
week, by the end of it. He had taken that for granted.

He had taken everything about Levi for granted.

Erwin stood and began to tidy up the room, setting Levi’s boots by the wall.

“You don’t have to do that, sir,” Petra said.

“I’m afraid I don’t have the patience to sit and watch a man sleep. Anyway, if he awoke to his
room in disarray, I’d be the one hearing about it.” The medics had left Levi’s clothes bundled on
the dresser. He pulled the pants off the top of the pile and inspected them. They were perfectly
white, so they probably didn’t need washing yet. He folded them and set them on a shelf in the
closet so Levi could decide later. He put the shirt in the hamper, then lifted the jacket, accidentally
opening it upside down.

A metal object bounced on the ground.

A coin? He knelt and caught it on the second bounce. No, a ring. His breath caught. Not just any
ring: Erwin’s wedding ring. What was it doing here? Hadn’t he left it in his desk drawer?

But no, this one was smaller. The world began to tilt as he realized the significance of it all. Hange
gave Levi his ring, and he keeps it with him.

“ Commander?”

He remembered to breathe, and the world stopped tilting, but he couldn’t turn to face Petra. His
face was sure to show everything. “Yes?”

“That ring … ” She paused. “I know it isn’t really my business, but do you know what it is? The
Captain spends a lot of time looking at it, when he thinks no one’s watching.”

Levi …

Erwin counted to five as he took in a breath and let it out, then set his face to neutral. He stood and
turned to face her.

“The job of Captain is demanding. It requires many sacrifices. Levi has sacrificed more than most.”
He rotated the ring between his finger and thumb, studying the gradient on its surface. “Not too
long ago, Levi had serious thoughts of marriage, and the union was to be sealed with rings. I
suppose when he realized it would conflict with his duties, he decided to keep the ring close so he
could pause in quiet moments and think about what might have been.”

“Oh,” Petra said softly. She turned to look at Levi, her head bowing. “That’s heartbreaking.”

Indeed. Erwin picked up the jacket. “Do you know which pocket he keeps it in? If he tries to be
discreet about it, then he probably doesn’t want me to know he carries this with him.”

“Looked like his left inside pocket.”

Over his heart. Now that he thought about it, Erwin recalled Levi rubbing his chest, a new
mannerism that had only developed since they had separated. His throat ached, and tears rimmed
his eyes. He was dangerously close to breaking down.

He cleared his throat. “Given your capabilities, Petra, I think it’s a better use of your time to assist
Squad Leader Hange’s team in getting the titan research centre set up. I’d be happy to watch the
Captain for a while.”

Petra looked confused by the request, but she only nodded. “Sir.”

“Do you know when the medics are checking in on him next?”

“Dinnertime, unless we report any changes beforehand.”

“Very well. Thank you, Petra.” He tucked the ring back into the jacket pocket and hung the jacket
neatly in the closet.

The door closed, and then it was just him and Levi.

Erwin found his seat by the bed, staring blankly at the unconscious man. He couldn’t stop
picturing Levi finding a quiet place to look at the ring, brooding about their abandoned plans. Not
abandoned , he corrected himself. Delayed.

Up until a few hours ago, he thought they had hit their stride as friends and colleagues. These
waves of sadness had been few and far between. He swallowed against the fresh lump in his throat.
Now it felt as if their separation had been hours ago instead of weeks.

Levi stirred. His eyelids were fluttering, and now Erwin wished he hadn’t sent Petra away so soon.
This wasn’t a good time to converse, not when he was this vulnerable. If there was one man in this
world who would see straight through him …

“Ugh.” Levi squinted against the light. “Erwin? What—”

“You’re sick. Lie quietly; I’m going to get a medic.”

“What—”
“I’ll be right back.” Erwin strode for the door and managed to get several paces into the hallway
before he let out a shaky breath of relief.

A few minutes later, he returned with a medic; she began to check Levi, who seemed to be
struggling to stay lucid. Erwin had planned to leave right away to compose himself, but the medic
handed him a thermometer. “If you don’t mind, sir. I don’t have enough hands.”

He reluctantly accepted it. “What type of thermometer is this?”

“Mercury.”

“I mean, where does it go? Which … orifice?”

She gave him an unimpressed look. “His mouth.”

He hadn’t meant it as a joke, but he gave her a polite smile and moved to stand by Levi’s face. At
least he didn’t have to slip it into Levi’s ass; even his mouth was already too intimate.

“Open your mouth, Levi. I need to take your temperature.”

The narrow lips parted. Hot breath spilled over Erwin’s hand as he probed the tip of the
thermometer beneath the tongue that had been in Erwin’s mouth so many times, had swirled
around his nipple, his cock, his ass.

He’s ill, you sick bastard, Erwin chided himself, and he furiously squeezed his thighs to try to coax
blood away from his groin. It was mortifying to discover that he would sink this low. His libido
had been in hibernation lately, and this was the worst time for it to wake up.

Now that the thermometer was snugly in place, the mercury climbed higher, higher, and Erwin’s
throat tightened. Please be okay.

When it had finally stabilized, the medic recorded a number and pulled out the thermometer. She
frowned.

“Captain, according to your records, these are exactly the same symptoms you had when you were
sick five years ago. I can’t find any sign of infection.” She flipped a page. “Seems the medic
couldn’t figure it out back then, either. You ended up having different symptoms than the flu that
was going around at the time.”

Levi mumbled something.

“What was that?” the medic asked, bending down. Erwin leaned in closer, too, curious.

“My mother used to get fevers,” Levi rasped. “So did I. Never as bad as hers.”

Mother? Erwin studied Levi’s face. He still seemed delirious, his eyes unfocussed.

“I see.” The medic made some notes in a file. “Did she have any other symptoms? Rashes?”

His face twisted. “A rash … maybe … I can’t— I don’t—”

He sounded anguished. Erwin’s hands tightened into fists.

“It’s okay,” said the medic, touching Levi’s shoulder. She pulled out her medical bag. “Do you
mind if I mix medicines into his tea? The caffeine will make the drug more potent.”
It took Erwin a minute to realize she was talking to him. “By all means.”

“Are you going to be sitting with him for a while? Or should I send an assistant over?”

Erwin glanced at Levi, hoping he would have the strength to ask for an assistant’s help, but the
grey eyes held his gaze.

“I have some paperwork to work on,” Erwin said softly. “I might as well do it here. There are a few
things I’d like the Captain’s opinion on, anyway.”

“Okay, but don’t put too much on his shoulders right now. He needs to rest. I’ll send someone over
with some food for both of you later on.” She made a few final notes. “You’re welcome to leave
the face mask up if it makes you comfortable, but I don’t think it’s contagious.”

“No?”

“The signs are more typical of an inherited illness than an acquired one. After a few days of rest
with a steady influx of medication, his body should return to normal. We just need to keep an eye
on him to make sure there aren’t any complications.”

She left him with a set of written instructions, then dismissed herself with a salute.

Erwin sat in the chair beside the bed. “Are you lucid, Levi?”

“Somewhat”

“Are you feeling well enough to sit up and drink the medicine?”

Levi grunted and weakly pushed himself to a seat. Erwin adjusted the pillow behind him, then held
out the tea.

“You brought tea and soup?” Levi rasped as he accepted the mug. “Cute.”

“Petra did.”

“Oh.”

Erwin forced a polite smile, which was probably pointless, because he was sure his eyes were
empty, and the cloth was covering his nose and mouth. “I should probably take this off.” He untied
the knot at the back of his head.

“Surprised it stayed on.” Levi blew on the surface of the tea to cool it. “Thought your sharp nose
would’ve cut right through it.”

Erwin chuckled, setting the cloth aside. “That wasn’t the only problem. Took them a while to find
a mask large enough to cover this thing.”

“Should’ve borrowed one of Mike’s. He could fit your entire nose up one nostril.” Levi sipped the
tea, then grimaced. “This is awful.” His voice was gravelly, but he seemed more clear-headed
already. Maybe he had just needed a few minutes to wake up properly. Erwin felt a wave of relief.

Levi drained the tea, then set the mug aside and settled back into the pillow.

It wasn’t his business, but Erwin was curious. “You mentioned your mother.”

A slim brow furrowed. “Yeah?”

“When you spoke with the medic. You said she got fevers a lot.”

Levi squinted, as if he were trying very hard to focus on something far away. “I … don’t … ” He
blinked, then looked away. “Anyway, you’ve got better stuff to do than sit and stare at me.”

“I don’t mind,” Erwin said gently, respecting his desire to change the subject. “Don’t feel you have
to entertain me. If you want to sleep, I can work on paperwork at your desk.”

“Yeah, okay.” Levi snuggled deeper into the blankets. “My head is throbbing.”

“The tea should help soon.” Erwin paused. “You should have mentioned you were ill when you
left the base. What if you had fallen unconscious during the expedition?”

“Well, I didn’t, and it went well.”

He tilted his head with reluctant agreement. “It certainly seems like it did, yes.”

Levi gave a soft snort. “You’re a bit ticked off about that, aren’t you?”

“What? Why would I—”

“All those times you said no to Hange, and we could’ve pulled it off this easily.” Levi’s eyes
closed.

“Logically, it didn’t make sense to—”

“I’m just being an asshole. You don’t have to justify it to me. I trust your priorities.” His voice was
fading. “Erwin?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” His voice was small.

Erwin’s throat tightened. “Yeah.”

One corner of Levi’s mouth lifted.

“Erwin,” called Mike, knocking on the door.

Erwin lifted his head, then realized his temples ached from squinting at his paperwork. It had
somehow gotten dark without him noticing. He lit the lamp, then, glancing at the slumbering Levi,
opened the door.

Mike handed him a tray of food; a medical assistant stepped past them both and moved to Levi’s
side to check on him.

“Thank you,” Erwin said, breathing in the scent of potato stew. “Is that fish?” The Survey Corps
received the worst of the military’s rations, and with the food shortages impacting everyone inside
the walls, that meant they had been the first to lose meat privileges. It had been months since he
had eaten a meat stew he hadn’t bought from a restaurant.
“Yeah, that’s salmon. Caught a couple this afternoon during my day leave. Had the kitchen cook
them up for the officers.”

“That’s very kind of you. Thank you.” Erwin gave him a sincere smile. “What’s the occasion?”

Mike shrugged. “Capturing a titan seems like a big deal.” He nodded at the bed. “How’s Levi?”

“His fever’s coming down,” the medical assistant said. “He might be a bit fatigued for a few days
yet, but the medicine seems to be doing its job.”

“Good,” Erwin said. He realized Mike’s gaze was boring through him. “What is it?”

“How are you?” There was an odd cadence to the words, as if they were code.

“Fine, thank you.” Erwin kept his eyes trained on the medical assistant, waiting until she left
before he said anything further.

“All done,” she said. “I’ve left another packet of medicine—please make sure he takes it within the
next hour or two. You may want to have a soldier keep an eye on him overnight in case anything
changes, but I suspect he’ll be fine.”

“Thank you.” Erwin’s gaze followed her as she left the room, then, when the door closed, shifted
back to Mike. “You had more to say?”

“Thought you might be interested in this.” Mike held out an envelope. Even though the base
lockdown had ended at Christmas, they were still doing spot surveillance and censorship of
outgoing and incoming mail. It had ended up becoming such a time sink that Erwin had been
tempted to cancel it. This was the first time an officer had approached him with anything of notice.

He was surprised to see a letter signed by Petra Ral, addressed to her sister. As he read the letter,
he frowned. “Ah.”

Mike glanced at the slumbering Levi, then leaned in close, his voice low. “I didn’t realize things
between them were romantic.” His face was stoic as ever, but there was an edge to his voice.

“I don’t think Levi did, either.” Erwin flipped the page, reading the rest of it:

’ I know in my heart the ring was never meant to be shared with me, but a part of me dares to
hope. We’ve, at the very least, been growing close as friends, but he’s a difficult man to read, and
he speaks in circles about his feelings. I wish I could figure out how to stop this girlish fantasizing,
how to simply be content to have such an amazing friend and mentor. Or maybe I wish he would
tell me how he feels so I could accept it and move on. I’m here to devote my body and my heart to
humanity; it’s ridiculous that one man should occupy so much space in my thoughts. It’s ridiculous
that the thing that makes my heart race the fastest is imagining the two of us facing our battles
together as a team, a married couple, bound by duty and love.’

He stopped reading, his chest aching. The words were too familiar. “There doesn’t seem to be
anything suspicious here. Why bring this to my attention?”

“Erwin.”

“The only point of reading outgoing mail is to ensure we don’t have any security leaks. This is
verging on gossip.”

“This is a potential threat to the stability of Levi’s team,” Mike said firmly. “You and I both know
how crushes can cause problems on the field. Talk to him about it.”

“Levi insisted she knew about us.”

“Petra’s strong as hell, but sensitive,” Mike said. “Someone should talk to her before she gets in too
deep. Levi should just tell her he’s gay and be done with it.”

“Maybe he’s bisexual,” Erwin murmured, his heart slowly sinking.

Mike chuckled. “No.”

But now his thoughts were running in that direction. The duo did spend an awful lot of time
together, and there had been Levi’s strange question at Christmas about what sex with a woman
was like. It was clear Petra’s feelings for Levi weren’t too different from Erwin’s—was it so
unthinkable that her affections might be returned?

Aloud, he said, “I’m not the only bisexual man in the world, Mike.”

“No shit, but Levi’s gay. One night, over drinks, Gelgar and I found out he thinks women have one
hole between their legs.”

“Inexperience doesn’t mean he isn’t—” Erwin stopped as the words sank in properly. “Really?”

“Just one giant slit where everything comes out. Didn’t think someone with a vagina could have
anal sex—thought that was a man-on-man only kind of thing.”

Erwin bit the inside of his cheek; it wasn’t fair to laugh at an unconscious man who had never seen
a vulva up close. “That doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to women, just that—”

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

He closed his mouth and lifted his chin. Mike stared at him. Erwin stared back.

“You know he still mentions you every minute or two when you’re not around, right?” Mike
continued. “He hasn’t ever mentioned Petra. Not once. I still don’t get what game the two of you
are playing, but it sounds to me like you’re trying to stack the cards so you’ll always lose. Knock it
off.” He pushed Petra’s letter against Erwin’s chest and then gestured at it. “Make Levi talk to her
about this before things get out of control.”

Pressure was building in Erwin’s stomach, but he knew he wasn’t mad at Mike. Not really.

The door closed.

He set the letter and stew aside. Levi’s face was peaceful, though his breaths were still rasping a
bit. Contact was forbidden, but a strand of dark hair was hanging in his face, and that had to be
uncomfortable. Erwin reached over and hooked it with a finger, sliding it to the side.

Levi … He found himself reluctant to pull away. He slid his fingertip to the damp temple and then
down his jaw line before retracting it.

The situation wasn’t what Mike thought. If Levi was falling for Petra, it meant he wouldn’t be
lonely. It meant someone might be able to repair the ache in his chest that he surely felt, too, the
ache so deep that the only possible response was to either ignore it or curl up and weep. Erwin had,
for the most part, been able to fill that emptiness with work—that had been part of their agreement,
anyway. Had Levi done the same? He deserved a warm body to hold at night, to hug him when he
had nightmares.

But Erwin was selfish. The thought of Levi sharing a bed with anyone else made his stomach
churn, his vision fog red. So selfish. It wasn’t fair that Levi should be doomed to loneliness just
because Erwin had petty jealousy.

It was another half hour or so before Levi woke up. True to his usual form, his eyes snapped open,
and he was instantly alert. He must be feeling better already.

“ Am I still sick?” Even his voice was sounding more like his usual self.

“Yeah, but you’re getting better. I have more medicine for you. It can wait a few minutes.”

“Are you sick?”

“Why, do I look ill?” Erwin curled his trembling hands and lowered them to his lap, out of sight.

“You look like you’re going to throw up.”

“I’m fine.” Too much time focusing on ‘what ifs’ that cannot be. Erwin stood and lit the burner
under the kettle. “I’ll make you some more tea.” He quietly slipped Petra’s letter under his pile of
paperwork to send later.

As Levi sipped a mug of tea, Erwin ate his stew, then relayed everything the medical assistant had
told him. “I might ask your squad to watch over you while you sleep tonight, just in case.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t like that idea? I was thinking Oluo would jump at the chance. We can get a medical
assistant to help you bathe, too. I’m sure you’d like to get the expedition’s grime off you.”

“Yeah, sure.” Levi’s face was twisting; he stared into the bottom of his teacup.

Erwin watched him for a moment, then sat in the chair again. “What’s bothering you?”

“It’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it isn’t.”

Levi shrugged, staring fixedly into his mug. “I don’t sleep so well lately.”

“Lately?”

“Since we … stepped back.”

Erwin felt his face sag into a frown, and he was powerless to stop it. “I see.”

“Only been sleeping a couple hours here and there, usually in my chair. I don’t do so well with
beds when I’m alone. Not lately. Until today, at least.”

“I suppose it helps to be drugged,” Erwin said lightly.

“Stay with me.” Levi finally looked up at him. “You can sleep above the covers, or on a chair, if
you want. I just … ” He shrugged. “Bad memories lately. Bad nightmares. You were the only
person who ever kept them away.”
Erwin swallowed the knot in his throat. “I suppose you do need your sleep to recover.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t need you to hold me or anything—I know that’s off limits.”

“I suppose technically, I already did, anyway.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“I carried you to the san when you passed out. Then I wiped the hair off your forehead.”

“That’s cheating. I wasn’t even awake.”

“It didn’t mean anything, Levi. It was all clinical.” This was the first time he could remember
outright lying to Levi, and it left his mouth feeling too dry. Maybe the wedding ring was a lie of
omission, too. He thought of Mike’s words: he was always stacking the game so he would lose. He
wasn’t even sure what qualified as winning or losing anymore.

Levi took a long sip of tea, studying him.

Erwin finished the stew, then set the bowl aside. “I don’t mind staying. I can sleep above the
covers.” He tried to tell himself this was a clinical decision, too, and now his mouth was even drier.

“Thanks.”

He kept thinking about Petra’s letter, but then he remembered there was another letter to discuss.
“Sahlo sent me a strange message, disguised as a letter from Lady Gunnhild. He’s coming for a
visit next week.”

Levi frowned. “Here?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. The letter was so light on details that it could have been sent under his own seal
without suspicion, so he must be growing paranoid. He has so many carefully balanced
relationships with conflicting factions that it wouldn’t surprise me if one of them fell through.”

“And he needs your help to bring it all back into balance.”

“That would be my guess, too. Or maybe he just wants to lie low for a bit.”

“Huh.” Levi drained the last of his tea. “Do you want me to debrief you on the mission?”

“Are you feeling up for it?”

“Throat’s a bit scratchy, but I think it will hold up.”

And so, even though Erwin had already gotten the mission debriefing from Moblit, he listened.
Levi provided a different perspective, painting a much less dire picture of the actual moments of
danger. That was fine; Erwin always mentally adjusted the danger of any given situation when it
came out of Moblit’s mouth, to account for the man’s sensitivity to stress.

Levi slept a bit after that, while Erwin finished up the last of his paperwork. There wasn’t much
left. Now that there wasn’t a rush for Wall Maria, and Sahlo wasn’t working directly against him,
he was remembering what it was like to sleep at night. Once he had finished, he slipped next door
to get a light blanket.

When he returned, Levi was sipping at his tea, an empty medicine packet beside him.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” Erwin said, feeling the weight on his shoulders lighten.

“Yeah, guess it wasn’t that serious. Think I might take a bath before bed.”

Erwin hesitated. It was a heated bath day, at least—he couldn’t imagine it would be healthy to
plunge an ill body into ice water—but it would only take one moment of unconsciousness for him
to slip underwater and drown. “You aren’t well enough to bathe alone.” As tempting as it was to
volunteer, they were already going to be pushing several boundaries that night. “I can send for
someone. Maybe Oluo?”

“Yeah, sure.”

While the bath was underway, Erwin tried his best not to picture Levi naked. He busied himself
with pulling the sweat-stained sheets off Levi’s bed. A knife narrowly missed his feet and clattered
to the floor. Erwin stared at it, wondering how many other mysterious objects he was going to
accidentally shake out of Levi’s belongings. He set it aside, ready to slip it back under the mattress
once he had made the bed again.

That wasn’t the only hidden knife; he found another tucked inside Levi’s pillowcase, carefully
sheathed, and a third attached to the back of the headboard. He pulled it out and studied it, holding
it with Levi’s reverse grip.

When Levi returned, Erwin was just finishing up the fresh bedding. Levi strode forward and
flopped onto the bed; Erwin draped the blanket over him.

“Tired?”

“Exhausted,” Levi mumbled.

Erwin held out the sheathed knife. “You can slip that one back into your pillowcase. I wasn’t sure
how to position it.”

“Oh.”

“If you were this uncomfortable in your room, you should have said something. I might have been
able to find you a roommate to ease your anxiety.”

Levi rolled over and slid the knife back into place. “I told you, there’s only one roommate who
makes it stop.” He rolled onto his back again, staring at the ceiling. “Guess I’m completely
dependent on you.”

“I’m just next door.”

“Yeah, I know. I hear you jerking off in there.”

Heat rose to Erwin’s ears. “What?”

“But you’ve never come knocking when I’ve woken up hollering from nightmares, so I guess the
walls are only thin going one way.”

“I suppose they are,” Erwin murmured, thinking of all the times he had clawed into the mattress in
the middle of the night, restraining himself from responding to Levi’s yells. “Though even if I did
hear you, I probably wouldn’t know how to help you. It’s not as if I can hold you close to soothe
you the way I used to.”

Levi’s mouth sagged. “No, I guess not.”

They were silent for a moment, and then Levi shifted over to make room.

Erwin lay on top of the covers and draped his own blanket over himself. His feet hung over the end
of the mattress—he had never noticed that before. When they had shared this bed in the past, they
had lay on their sides, spooning together. He found himself wishing it wasn’t so wide, so they
would have an excuse to touch, even if through the covers.

You shouldn’t be having these types of thoughts.

“ You been back to the apartment at all?” Levi asked quietly.

“No. You?”

“Only once, but I didn’t stay long. Too many memories.”

“You can sell it, if you want.” Erwin nestled deeper into his pillow. “Use the funds for anything
you’d like.”

“I told you, it’s still half yours.” Levi rolled onto his side, back to him. “Besides, maybe we’ll use
it again one day.”

Erwin’s chest and throat were so tight that they burned. “Is it okay if I turn off the lamp?”

“Yeah. I’m falling asleep, anyway.”

Once he had extinguished the light, Erwin rolled to face him, carefully maintaining a gap between
their bodies. “Are our walls really that thin?”

“Hm?”

“You can overhear me when I—?”

There was a long pause, then Levi said, “Haven’t for a while.”

That made sense. His libido had been relatively non-existent for weeks now, and, as always, the
longer he went without it, the less desire he felt. Besides, masturbation felt so hollow in
comparison to being with a partner, especially when the subject of fantasies was in the next room
over, completely out of his reach. The walls between them were thin, but thicker than ever at the
same time.

“We need to get you laid. Break you out of this rut.” Of course Levi would know every intimate
detail about how his libido worked.

“Levi—”

“When Sahlo’s here. We’ll go out for drinks, and you can leave with someone. Maybe start
grabbing each other in the alleyway. Nothing will convince him we’re no longer together quicker
than—”

“Levi.” Erwin’s pulse drummed in his ears. “I’m not going to sleep with a stranger.”
“Then don’t sleep with them. But you have to do something.” He felt the bed shift. In the cracks of
moonlight coming through the window shades, he could see Levi’s profile as he lay on his back—
his petite, straight nose, lightly snubbed at the end. He’s so selfless, so beautiful.

The swell of love was so powerful that Erwin’s voice broke: “Why are you being so insistent about
this?” He thought of Mike; was Levi stacking the cards against himself, too?

“Because we’re making all these sacrifices to convince Sahlo we’re not together, and his noble
pals, too. Now we’ve got a perfect chance to really sell it to him. Why’d we make all these
sacrifices if we’re going to pass up this perfect chance?”

“Lady Gunnhild and I have been staging a false relationship.”

“You don’t think he used her name to taunt you that he’s figured that out?”

Erwin thought of the lipstick seal; it had been ridiculously over the top, and it was very like Sahlo
to taunt him. He gave a low sigh. Levi’s proposal made sense, and it had to be him. Sahlo only
cared about Erwin’s weaknesses, not Levi’s. “Very well; I’ll stay open to the idea.”

Levi was quiet, so quiet he might have seemed like he was sleeping, but Erwin could see the faint
sheen of moonlight on his eyes as he stared at the ceiling.

“Erwin. Wake up.”

He opened his eyes and realized he was shivering. His breath condensed in clouds in the faint light
in the room. It took him a moment to realize he wasn’t in his room, and Levi was beside him, and
that wasn’t normal anymore.

“Erwin.”

“Yeah?” The word chattered between his teeth.

“The temperature dropped. Your blanket’s too thin. Get under mine.”

His mind was foggy with sleep and sluggish with cold; he crawled under the covers before he
could think twice about it. The untouched sheets were so cold that he shivered harder for a minute
or two, but gradually, they warmed with his body heat.

Now he was awake, and very conscious of the fact that he was in bed with Levi. The gap between
them was large enough that no part of them touched, but he could feel the glow of body heat.

“Better?” Levi whispered.

“Yeah. Sorry for waking you.”

“It’s fine. Get some sleep.”

“Goodnight.”

Erwin lay on his back and closed his eyes, too aware of his own breathing. He tried to force slow,
even breaths, but his lungs demanded to move faster. This was ridiculous. He was a thirty-five year
old man, a Commander of an entire military regiment. The prospect of sharing a bed with another
man—a man who had been his partner for a few years, not that long ago—should not be this
intimidating.

Warm skin slid against the back of his hand, then was still.

Levi’s hand.

He struggled to control his breaths. Was this brush of hands an accident, or an invitation? He
strained his ears until they rang, listening for a hitch in Levi’s breath, but he heard nothing to
suggest he was still awake.

It couldn’t be an accident—could it? They both knew how powerful touch was between them. It
always had been. The first night they had spent together, four years ago, had started with a hand
brush, too, one that had led to holding hands in the dining hall.

This hand brush could be another beginning. A rebirth. All one of them had to do was cross their
little finger over the other’s; the symbolism would be familiar to both of them—or did Levi even
remember the secret hand holding that had officially started their relationship? His memories
weren’t always as clear as Erwin’s.

The contact between them glowed with warmth. Neither of them moved closer, but neither pulled
away.

Over the next few days, Levi’s condition rapidly improved. Erwin did much of his paperwork at
the desk in Levi’s bedroom to keep an eye on him. Even the medics remarked that Levi slept better
when he was around.

Levi wasn’t the only one benefitting from their proximity; Erwin found he worked better at his
bedside, too. When they were apart, his imagination tried to craft all the medical complications that
could possibly take Levi from him. Illness was more nerve-wracking than the titans; Humanity’s
Strongest could take down any titan in his path with competence and willpower. Illness was less
predictable.

They secretly spent their nights together, too, sharing the bed with a gap between them. Erwin was
beginning to think the touching hands on the first night had been a coincidence after all. All is as it
should be, he told himself, disappointed.

When Erwin wasn’t watching over Levi, he was checking in with Hange. The Squad Leader was
already planning to go outside the walls with Mike’s team to capture a partner for the captive titan,
who Hange had named Albert. The logic behind this request was sound; Hange wanted to run
experiments on two titans at once and compare their reactions. Until now, they had been operating
under the assumption that all normal titans were the same, but after learning Ilsa Langner had
encountered a titan that spoke, all their assumptions had been thrown into question. Their second
capture mission was set to return the day before Sahlo’s visit.

Sahlo’s visit itself was occupying less of Erwin’s consideration than it probably should. He had
warned Hange, Dita, and Mike, and a guest room had been prepared. Other than that, he didn’t put
much thought into it. Sahlo’s message had revealed nothing about his intentions, so Erwin would
react to the situation as it developed.

Mike had suggested having a little fun with the lord. “Pretend you’re actually expecting Lady
Gunnhild, and greet his carriage with a bouquet of flowers.”

“Waste of perfectly good flowers,” Erwin had replied.

On the morning of Sahlo’s visit, the second capture mission had returned with a new titan, who
Hange named Chikachironi. Levi was back at work, though confined to desk duty, for now.

Erwin, meanwhile, was so preoccupied with planning for the next trip to Mitras that when he heard
the bell tower announce an approaching carriage, the prospect of going down to the courtyard
didn’t cross his mind. A few minutes later, Nanaba knocked on the door.

“Sir, a noble is here to see you.” She held out a badge that bore Sahlo’s seal.

“Ah, right.” Erwin stood, blinking away the fog of paperwork. “I’ll be down in a moment.”

When he arrived, he was surprised to see the carriage door open, but no one standing outside it.
Erwin stepped on the first rung and peered inside. Sahlo still sat on the bench.

“Does anyone know I’m here?” Sahlo said, hushed. So he was paranoid.

“I told my officers, but no one else.”

“Good. Tell anyone else I’m a visiting merchant.”

“Very well. You may want to stop handing out your seal, then.” Erwin held out the badge; a
clawed hand snatched it back and stuffed it into a pocket.

“Force of habit.”

“I see. Would you like us to station guards around your room?”

“Your guards can’t help me.”

Erwin tried to find patience and sympathy for the lord, but found neither. “You’ll be safer in my
office than you are in the courtyard. Besides, I’m curious to learn what made you this nervous.”

Sahlo laughed bitterly. “You can say ‘paranoid.’ I realize how all this looks.” As he stepped out of
the carriage, Erwin was surprised to see how grey his hair had become. His cheeks were hollow,
his neck skinny. The hair on the back of Erwin’s neck rose. Something was very wrong.

They rounded the corner into Erwin’s office, where Levi was leaning against the couch, his arms
folded over his chest, brows low. It was the first time in days that Erwin had seen him in-uniform,
and while his first reaction was relief, his second was—to his shame—sadness that they no longer
had an excuse to share a bed.

Sahlo stopped in the doorway, eyeing Levi. “I wanted to speak with you alone, Smith.”

“You’re here to pull some sort of shit, and I want to know what,” Levi said, his voice still a bit
raspy. “It’s not like a noble to dare set foot outside Wall Sina.”

“I had some concerns only your Commander could address, and they can’t wait until he arrives in
Mitras next week.” Sahlo pushed past him and sat at the desk. “Please dismiss your dog, Erwin. I
don’t want to catch his fleas.”

Erwin was still standing in the doorway. “No. What you say in front of me can be said—”

“Don’t worry about it, Erwin.” Levi stood, arms still crossed over his chest. “I’ll be next door. Just
say the word, and I’ll run over and beat the shit out of this asshole.”

“A pleasure as always, Captain,” Sahlo said with a humourless grin.

The door closed, and Erwin felt himself deflate a little without Levi by his side. He strode to the
liquor cabinet. “May I offer you a drink?”

Now that they were alone and safely enclosed in a room, Sahlo’s obnoxious personality was
starting to overtake his paranoia; he scanned the room, a lip curled in disgust. “I doubt you have
anything to my taste.”

Erwin scanned the labels of the bottles until he found one he had been saving for a special occasion
that seemed less and less likely to happen. He could purchase a replacement after the wall
reclamation effort, if needed. “I have an ice wine from Utopia District.”

“That sounds surprisingly lovely,” Sahlo said, begrudging. “May I smoke?”

“If you must.” Erwin pulled down two wine glasses, then sat in his desk chair. He poured them
each a glass as Sahlo lit his cigar. The wine was sweet, almost overpowering, and Erwin closed his
eyes as if savouring it. Really, he was savouring the fantasy of kneeling before Levi at sunset.

With the nights they had been spending together lately, he was even less sure where they stood
with each other. The bed sharing was innocent, but that innocence was remarkable in itself. Erwin
had slept in the arms of soldiers like Hange and Mike on cold nights outside the walls, limbs
intertwined in positions that might seem too intimate to those who had never experienced the
harshness of Survey Corps life. If he and Levi were really on platonic terms, they would have no
problem sleeping pressed up against each other.

Sahlo took a sip, then stood and approached the liquor cabinet, his wine in one hand, cigar in the
other. “I’m impressed, Erwin. You have good taste in alcohol. This is a decent collection.”

“Such flattery.”

“No, it’s genuine. You never fail to surprise.” Sahlo didn’t turn around as he took a long drag on
the cigar; he exhaled three smoke rings before he continued. “I know we’ve been constantly
positioning ourselves against each other since our first encounter, but this visit is genuine. No mind
games, no posturing. We can pick up where we left off once we meet again in the Capital, if that
time ever comes.”

Erwin leaned back in his chair. “What’s the occasion?”

“I’m being stabbed in the back, made into a scapegoat to set an example.” The lord turned and
gave him a sad smile. “I’ve been tolerated for decades, but the powers-that-be are panicking, and
they need to squash someone to feel like they’re still in control. I’ve been sticking my neck out too
far; it’s the easiest to lasso with a noose.”

Erwin waited, because Sahlo often revealed too much when he was left to ramble unhindered.

The lord paced back to the chair and sank into it. This time, when he lifted the cigar to his lips, his
hand was shaking. He was silent.
Erwin leaned forward. “I’m going to need more information than that.”

“They’re coming for me.”

“Who?”

“The King. The Wallists.” Sahlo paused for a sip of wine. “They’ve been working carefully against
me, weaving a tale of treason, paying off Rage Klein to make sure there were no holes. The last
thread is in place. They’re going to come for me any day now.”

Erwin studied the lord’s face, trying to read between the lines. Sahlo’s eyes were glassy and his
jaw was quivering. “Why are they targeting you?”

“Because the lords are getting antsy, and the King is afraid the nobles will become unstable, so he
needs to strike fear into them. His excuse for picking me is paper-thin: I failed.” Sahlo held his
gaze. “I was supposed to keep you busy.”

“Busy?”

“When I laid all the cards on the table for you a few months back, I may have kept a few close to
my chest.”

No surprise there. Erwin waited.

“I allowed you to believe I was only interested in using you for my private project, but it was more
complicated than that.” Sahlo took a long sip of wine before continuing. “The aristocracy has
always been interested in maintaining control within the walls; it believes control brings peace. The
Survey Corps, once upon a time, was a convenient way to prune down any upstarts who dreamed
of heading outside the wall.

“Then, suddenly, around 844 or 845, the number of deaths plummeted. We didn’t know it at the
time, but that was when Keith Shadis made the one useful move of his entire career: he gave you
strategic influence. Suddenly, the populace was full of hope. They genuinely began to believe life
outside the walls was possible. The powers-that-be were worried this would cause an uprising.

“That idiot Lobov volunteered to take down the Survey Corps before it became too influential, and
dragged me into it. Unfortunately, we got greedy and tried to interlace our plans with our own
personal projects. When you took down Lobov, you made the noble house nervous, because now
this rogue regiment was showing it could exert influence over the noble class. If word of that
spread, there could be anarchy within the walls. Who would tolerate us growing fat off the land
and filling our coffers if they believed we could be stopped?

“It fell to me to deal with you. The King had already done me favours by turning a blind eye to my
ventures within the Underground; I knew I had to succeed in squashing you, or all those favours
would return to bite me. If I couldn’t end the Survey Corps, then I had to distract you. Suffice it to
say, everything quickly became complicated.”

Erwin’s eyes narrowed as he tried to take in the information. “Are you saying all the games you’ve
been playing—all the manipulation and coercion—have been sanctioned by the King?”

“More like ‘ordered.’”

“Why? We’re just the Survey Corps, the band of strange soldiers willing to feed ourselves to the
titans for the pursuit of knowledge and freedom. We don’t have nearly as much influence as you’re
hinting.”
Sahlo laughed. “Once upon a time, that might have been true. You underestimate your own
influence. As far as the King is concerned, you are one of the most dangerous men within these
walls.”

“If that were the case, I would have been assassinated or otherwise controlled a long time ago.”

“‘Otherwise controlled,’” Sahlo repeated, a brow rising.

Erwin searched his gaze, trying to read it, but the lord pressed ahead before he could interpret it.

“If they killed you, they risked making you a martyr and turning the Survey Corps, and any of its
supporters, against the monarchy. It’s surprisingly difficult to assassinate a high-profile target
without leaving a trail. But something else saved you: the fall of Wall Maria. They lost something
that day, something very important to the people of this world. And I don’t just mean the Wall
itself: it was something that has been kept in the royal family for generations.” Sahlo leaned
forward, his voice dropping. “They expect the person who stole it to be a strategic mastermind, a
person with almost unnatural charisma and sway.”

What could he be talking about? Erwin took a slow sip of wine, studying him. An object? A book?
An artifact that contains information about our world?

“ They think I have this thing they lost,” he said aloud.

“You quickly became one of the suspects. For several months, Smith, you were a wanted man, and
it fell to me to pressure you, distract you, assess your weaknesses, and monitor you. This might
have moved faster if I hadn’t been so set on using you to pursue my personal ambitions, but it
ended up being all for nothing, anyway. You cast suspicion away from yourself when you got
yourself nearly killed by those titans in 846. Showing up in the Capital half-dead was the smartest
thing you could have done—there was no way the person they were looking for would have been
in such rough shape from a titan attack, nor would they take so slowly to recover.”

Is this lost item something medical? Erwin wondered. Something that aids healing and helps
protect against the titans, perhaps?

“ You’ve said before the world is coming to an end,” he said aloud, fishing for more information.
“Is that just your religion telling you that, or does it have something to do with what was stolen
when Wall Maria fell?”

Sahlo held his gaze. “Both.”

“Care to clarify?”

“No.”

A dead end. Maybe this aspect of the conversation would open up after more alcohol. Erwin leaned
back in his chair, studying him, as he changed the subject. “What does all this mean for your
nutritive yeast and your plans for the Underground?”

“Science is a harsh mistress. The yeast is too slow to cultivate, and it’s too far behind schedule.
The investors are panicking; they want to pull out. Everyone is losing patience with me.” Sahlo
took a long swig. “I imagine they’ll use the yeast against me, too, and make up lies about what the
yeast really is. They’ll make me out to be a crackpot or a terrorist.”

Erwin pondered this, wondering if it would come back to haunt the Survey Corps due to his public
alliance with Sahlo. “And what does all this mean for Wall Maria?”
The lord gave a bitter laugh. “They’re panicking. When they’re finished with me, when they’ve got
the nobles back in line, they’re going to make sure the populace is in line, too. That means
squashing any major upheavals. And what bigger upheaval than a major military push to reclaim
Wall Maria?” He shook his head. “If you want to make a move, you’d better do it quickly, before
they can pull their heads out of their asses and remember you’re a threat.”

Erwin’s eyes narrowed slightly as he tried to make sense of the lord’s ramblings. How much of this
is truth and how much is paranoia? “What’s your true motive for coming here, Lord Sahlo? Surely
you aren’t lying low here—not when they know we’re associated.”

“I needed to get out from under my babysitter’s thumb so I could tell you what was going on. And I
also wanted to warn you: the world within these walls is a lot more tenuously balanced than you
know. The Wallists, the King—they have secrets even I don’t fully understand. I know my
methods over the years have been questionable, but … ” The lord’s face softened. “I’ve only ever
wanted what’s best for this world. I promise you that. The choices we’re given in this world often
boil down to freedom or survival. Given the choice between the two, I’ll choose survival every
time. I think most humans would.” He tapped the cigar ash onto the corner of the desk. “You’re a
visionary with strong ideals, Erwin. You’ve only ever wanted what’s best for this world too, I’m
sure, but don’t think for one second that gives you the right to force everyone within the walls into
your version of ‘freedom.’ Don’t assume you know what’s best for humanity when you only know
a small part of the picture.”

Erwin took a slow sip of the drink, unfazed by the warnings. Those who had been outside the walls
knew more about survival than anyone. “Freedom and survival are intertwined. We’re penned
inside these walls while the titans wear us down; it needs to be the other way around if humanity
has any hope of surviving.”

“It isn’t as simple as you think. But here I am, rambling on and wasting time.” Sahlo blew another
smoke ring, then watched it dissipate, frowning. “I’ll be dead within the month—possibly within
the week.”

“You believe they’re going to kill you?”

Sahlo’s brows dropped. “Weren’t you listening to that whole bit about the noose? Pay attention.
Yes, they’re going to kill me, and soon. Panic makes people make rash decisions, even monarchs.
Part of the reason I’m here is to put my affairs in order.” He pulled out an envelope and slid it
across the desk.

Erwin opened it. Inside was a copy of a will, leaving fifty percent of Sahlo’s estate to Raphael
Klein, twenty-five percent to the Wallists, and twenty-five percent to Erwin Smith. His brows rose.

“This—”

“Given the choice between freedom and survival, I’ll choose survival every time. I tried to save the
less fortunate in this world. I failed. Part of it was greed—I stretched myself too thin, tried to play
too many parties.

“Don’t think this means I agree with your methods. You’re stubborn to a fault, you let your heart
rule your head when it comes to the people closest to you, and you take stupid risks. But at this
point, you’re the only hope this world has. The King can’t control his own people, and he loses
every weapon that could help him maintain order. The Wallists are paralyzed by ritual. Rage only
sees the small picture, and Dok and Pixis are too cautious. So it’s up to you. Use that money for
recruitment, research, and weapons. Maybe skim some off the top and get yourself something nice
—god knows you deserve it.”
Erwin felt anger swelling within him. “You’re trying to buy forgiveness for the constant blocks
you’ve thrown in my path?”

Sahlo laughed. “A man like me doesn’t deserve forgiveness, so he doesn’t ask for it. This is simply
a gift. I’ve spent the past five years of my life losing sleep over you. I hate you, and I admire you.
If there’s an afterlife, I daresay I’ll be up there missing you more than anyone else I’ve ever
interacted with. Besides.” He smiled and raised his glass. “Trying to stay one step ahead of you is
the most fun I’ve had in years.”

Anger drained from Erwin, and he was left with a confusing hollowness. A small part of him
thrived on trying to outmanoeuvre Sahlo. What would he do with himself if he didn’t have this
single embodiment of political obstruction? Sahlo had been the incarnation of everything he had
hated about the noble class. An easy focus point. Without him, the challenges were scattered.

At any rate, he couldn’t accept the funds until he knew one thing for sure.

“The Wallist who was killed in September,” he said.

“Your sister’s husband.”

“Was that your doing?”

Sahlo held his gaze. “Yes.”

The anger began to resurface. “You killed an innocent man to try to manipulate me.”

“Someone was going to die. That was always the plan. My babysitter was throwing around names
that were far more valuable to you—your sister, your mother, your stepfather, Marie Dok, your ex-
Squad-Leader Berit, even Levi. I gave them the name of the furthest person from you who might
still seem like a plausible pressure point: your brother-in-law.” He didn’t drop his gaze. “Yes, it’s
my fault he was the one who was killed. He died to spare the others. Think about it, Erwin, and
you’ll understand this as an act of charity toward you. And think about how close you came to
slitting my throat, and ask yourself if you, in my shoes, would have done anything differently?”

“Who is your ‘babysitter?’” Erwin asked, recalling the tall man with the wide-brimmed hat.

“I can’t tell you that.”

“He’s tied to the King.”

“I can’t tell you that, either.”

“You’re still holding back information. Even now.” Erwin held his gaze. “If you really cared about
humanity’s future—if you were really protecting me—you would tell me everything.”

Sahlo gave him a sad smile. “There are some things so important that not even impending death
makes them okay to say aloud. You and I both know how small we are, Erwin. How very, very
small.”

That’s all I’m ever going to get out of him. Erwin took a deep breath, held it, and then released it,
letting all his history with Sahlo go with it. “Well, if your suspicion is correct and they take you
out, I’ll put the funds to good use.”

The lord nodded.

They were silent.

“Since you’re here,” Erwin said, “I’ll show you around the base. Have you ever seen a titan up
close?”

“No,” Sahlo said, sounding hesitant.

“I’m sure Hange would love to show you the new specimen. Then, tonight, we’ll go out for dinner
and drinks with some of the other soldiers.” Erwin gave a polite smile. “When was the last time
you socialized without an underlying political goal?”

“Is this an offer born of pity, or ulterior motives?”

“Perhaps a bit of both.”

The lord chuckled. “It’s a pity we weren’t aligned on our goals from the start,” he said, as if to
himself. “We’re both driven by a confusing mix of work addiction, childhood tragedy, ego, and a
desire to save humanity. In a different life, we might have been friends.”

Thinking of all they had been through, Erwin could only say, “I’m not sure you and I have the
same definition of ‘friends.’”

“At the very least, we might have tolerated each other.”

Erwin studied him for a moment, then stood and walked to the cupboards. “Before I give you a
tour of the facilities, how would you feel about a game of chess? It’s been a while since we
played.”

Sahlo nodded, suddenly looking sombre. “One last time.”

Erwin pulled out the chess board and silently began to set up the pieces.

Levi sat at his desk next door, attempting to finish his mission report, but his face kept snapping
toward the wall every time he heard a voice. He couldn’t distinguish what they were saying, but
the tone sounded surprisingly amicable. What is going on in there?

Mike poked his head through the doorway. “Hey.”

Levi used his foot to reach across to the opposite chair, kicking it out as an invitation to sit. Mike
closed the door, crossed the room and dropped into it. His bangs were so long that Levi couldn’t
see his eyes.

“You need a haircut again.”

Mike shrugged. “Feeling better?”

“Mostly. Still get tired easily.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Mike’s lips. “We should spar.”

“What, you think it’d finally be an even match? Maybe it would’ve been a few days ago, when I
was really sick.” Levi folded his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair. “What do you
want?”

“Did Erwin ever talk to you about Petra?”

Levi’s brow furrowed. “What about her?”

“She thinks you’re one step away from marrying her.”

The idea was laughable. “She knows about Erwin.”

“You keep saying that. She wrote a letter to her sister saying you were going to ask her to marry
you, but duty stopped you.”

Levi scoffed. “She was just joking around.”

Mike leaned forward, all humour gone from his face. “Erwin’s starting to believe it, too.”

“Bullshit.”

“Said you might be bisexual.”

Levi let out a low sigh. “All of you need to mind your own fucking business.”

“If you respect her, you’ll talk to her about it.”

“Fine. But I’m telling you, she already knows everything, and she’s going to be insulted that I
thought she had some dumb crush on me.”

They were quiet for a moment. The sound of Sahlo’s laughter next door made Levi’s blood boil.

“How’s it going over there?” Mike asked.

“No idea.” Levi leaned a little closer, ears straining to hear their conversation. “We’re taking that
fuckhead out for drinks tonight.”

“We?”

“A group of us. Erwin’s using the budget to pay for it. Bring Nanaba or something. We’re going to
try to get Sahlo drunk, get him talking.” Maybe it wasn’t the most elegant plan, but it was all they
had short of torturing the lord. Levi kept his voice casual as he continued: “I’ll stay sober and pay
attention to him, see if he reveals any secrets. But I need your help, too.”

“Yeah?”

“We need to get Erwin to hook up with a woman.”

Even behind the curtain of bangs, Levi could feel the withering gaze.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Levi shrugged it off. “The whole reason we separated in the first
place was to convince assholes like Sahlo that we didn’t mean anything to each other.”

“You’re going to sit there,” Mike said, “and watch Erwin chat up someone.”

A shiver ran down Levi’s spine. “Sure. Even better if they start making out and leave together.”
Mike let out a long, slow sigh.

“What?” Levi said, defensive.

“Hange’s right: you’re both idiots.”

“Don’t judge me. You still haven’t talked to Nanaba, have you?”

Mike set his jaw. “Nanaba and I never had anything to begin with, so we don’t know what we’re
missing. You and Erwin had something that worked and chose to ignore it.”

“It didn’t work. Why the hell do you think we ended it?” Levi reached for the breast pocket of his
jacket, feeling the ring’s outline through the thick cloth. “He broke down every time.”

“Every time … ?”

“Sex. It fucking ruined him. No, not even just sex—any time he let his guard down around me, it
took too long to lift it again. Besides, I’m the whole reason he caved in to Sahlo’s timeline.” Levi
picked at the corner of his notebook, where the leather was peeling away. “Remember when you
first found out about us, and you told me we might get under each other’s skin, fuck each other up?
We should have listened. You saw how he was with Marie, with Henrik. You saw this coming.”

Mike was quiet for a moment, then he leaned closer. “Yeah, I saw how he was with Marie and
Henrik. Marie’s fickle—she toyed with him—”

“I like Marie,” Levi said flatly.

“Hold on; I’m not done. He toyed with her, too. They were dumb kids who were in love with the
idea of being in love, and they thought love meant drama. It was a disaster, and a major distraction
for both of them. Ending it was the best thing they could have done.” Mike shook his head. “And
Henrik was clingy. In our career path, you can’t get clingy. It makes you make dumb decisions,
and makes you demand things you shouldn’t. If Marie used drama to appeal to Erwin, then Henrik
used guilt and pity.”

“So what did I use, then?” Levi asked, genuinely curious how the relationship looked to an
outsider.

“You didn’t ‘use’ anything. You just respected each other. The way it should be. The two of you
together were just as strong as you were alone—maybe stronger. So Erwin breaks down around
you; big deal. I’ve seen how he gets when he doesn’t break down. He gets more and more
detached, and then he snaps. It’s not healthy. And sure, maybe he caved to Sahlo because of you.
But don’t you think that was the logical choice? Don’t you understand what you’re worth to the
Survey Corps? To humanity?” Mike stood. “Every single one of us would give our lives for you,
Levi. You’re that valuable. Even if Erwin wasn’t in love with you, I guarantee he would have
weighed the pros and cons and still landed on the side of protecting you. Hell, he was protecting
you before we ever made contact with you in the Underground.”

Levi’s heart thudded in his chest. “Our separation wasn’t just strategic.”

“I know, because I’m the same way. I get it. We’ve lost so many people; we know how much it
hurts. We know we’re likely to die at some point soon. The thought of leaving holes in the hearts
of the people we care about … It’s terrifying. It’s easier to put up a wall, convince ourselves it’ll
hurt them less when we die.”

“You think we pushed each other away because we were scared ?” Levi said, surprised.
“Wall Maria’s coming. We all know most of us aren’t going to make it back. The closer it came,
the more it got you thinking about the end. It made you skittish. I bet it didn’t help when Erwin
saw his sister’s husband die. I bet he got a first-hand look at what you’d be feeling if he died in
front of you.” Mike looked away. “Like I said, I know because I’m the same way. But I’ll tell you
something: it’s too late. Like you said, you’re too deep under each other’s skin. And the way I see
it, even though you think you’ve separated, you’re only getting deeper.”

“That’s bullshit.” Levi felt a growing urge to bop the man in the mouth. “We’ve been separated for
months. ”

“So why have I been smelling him all over you every morning?”

Levi’s heart was twisting, and his throat ached, and he wondered what would happen if he actually
punched Mike in the face. “Why the fuck are you telling me this?”

Mike shrugged. “I’ve always been honest with you about your relationship. You’re my friends.”

“Well, your opinion doesn’t change a damned thing. What’s done is done. And you know shit all
about the politics behind our choice, anyway.”

Mike nodded. “I said all I needed to say.” He stood. “Think about it. I’ll stay out of it from now on.
But if you need to talk about it—”

“I don’t.” Levi adjusted the papers on his desk; they seemed more interesting now than they had a
few minutes ago. Anything was better than the intensity of this conversation. “We’ll leave for
dinner and drinks around five o’clock. Meet in Erwin’s office.”

Mike nodded again, then left the room.

Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring. He slipped it on his finger. He had lost a bit of
weight; it was even larger on him now than it had been before.

Was I afraid?

It was true that his entire logic behind the separation had been grounded in one fear: he was
becoming Erwin’s weakness. Was that actually true? Or just a convenient excuse? Did he see one
piece of evidence for it and blow it out of proportion?

Worse yet: had it been pre-emptive? Had he decided he was Erwin’s weakness to protect himself,
because he assumed Erwin would one day come to the same conclusion and break his heart?

He thought of the weight of Erwin in the bed next to him, of that graze of fingertips the other night
that was probably accidental, but had lingered for so long that it had become intentional.

They needed each other.

Maybe that’s what really scares me. If we need each other, what happens when one of us
disappears?

He lifted the ring. It was cool against his lips.

At quarter to five, Levi stepped into Eld’s bunk to find his Special Operation Squad members
playing cards.

“Shouldn’t you be cleaning?”

“Captain!” They all scrambled to their feet, saluting. Levi paced along the line of them, then
swabbed two fingers under a bed. He wrinkled his nose as dust flaked off his fingertips.

“I was going to ask one of you to accompany me on a special dinner, but now I don’t think any of
you deserve to come.”

“Petra did her cleaning, Captain,” Anton said.

Levi turned to look at them. Petra stared fixedly at the floor.

“It’s true,” Gunther said, a little too quickly. “She even got her bunkmates to help her clean their
bunk, and then she came here trying to get us to do our tasks, too.”

Levi knew exactly what they were trying to do, and his stomach sank, because it meant exactly
what Mike had told him: Petra had feelings for him, so strong that the others knew about it. He
gave a low sigh. He would have to address this himself. Tonight.

“Is this true?” he asked her. “You finished your cleaning?”

“Yes, Captain.” She saluted with a determined look, but her cheeks were dark.

“Fine. Petra, come with me. The rest of you, do your damned cleaning.”

“You aren’t going to check her work?” Oluo sputtered. “You’re just going to take everyone’s word
for it?”

Levi ignored him, marching for the door. He heard pattering footsteps as Petra hurried to catch up
to him.

They strode down the hallway, side-by-side, and Levi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
“This is a professional dinner, Petra.”

She nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

“I chose you because you obeyed your orders for the day. There’s no deeper meaning to this.”

She cast him a confused look.

“There’s no deeper meaning to anything,” he clarified. “I’m your superior officer, and that’s all
there is to it.”

“Of course you are, Captain.”

Tension drained from his shoulders. Mike’s crazy.

They entered Erwin’s office without knocking. Erwin was speaking with Sahlo at his desk; the lord
warily eyed Levi as they entered. Hange and Moblit stood in the far corner. Mike, Nanaba, Lynne,
and Dita sat on the couches.

Erwin’s eyes shifted to Petra and lingered a little too long. Then, he gave a polite smile. “I believe
we’re ready to head out. That’s all of us.”
They moved in a herd to the waiting carriages, which took them to a popular pub downtown. Sahlo
eyed their surroundings with a curled lip; the dim lighting, dark wooden bar tables, and stools must
not be up to his standards. Levi pushed past him, heading for their usual long table at the back. He
scanned the room, looking for someone who might be a good fit for Erwin. She has to be a woman,
to keep suspicion off me, he thought, although he knew deep down the gender choice wasn’t quite
as selfless as he pretended.

There were so many soldiers present that the seating was tight. He found himself squished on a
bench between Petra and, to his dismay, Erwin. He fought to keep space between them, but only
succeeded in nuzzling up against Petra, which made her blush. Either way he moved, he was
making a relationship worse.

Sahlo studied him. “You look uncomfortable, Levi.”

“Yeah, because you stink like cigars.” He sat normally and tried to ignore the broad thigh pressed
against his, especially because it was flexing. He knew Erwin flexed his thighs as a trick to try to
keep blood from his groin when he had an unwanted erection—something that had never worked
for Levi, but Erwin swore by it.

You don’t know that’s what he’s doing this time. Maybe he’s just tense, Levi thought, but now he
couldn’t shake the dizzying thought that their proximity was turning him on.

They ordered chicken pies and ale for the table, and Levi’s mouth watered as the servers brought
the food. They ate, drank, and conversed. Sahlo was surprisingly quiet, his gaze darting toward the
door every time it swung open. At this rate, they weren’t going to get anything useful out of him.

About an hour after the meal, a tall woman walked in; she had a youthful face, flowing blond hair,
and a large chest. Levi elbowed Erwin—if they were pressed up against each other anyway, what
was a little extra elbow contact?—and nodded in her direction. “How about her?”

Erwin’s lip curled. “She looks like my sister.”

“What’s going on here?” Sahlo leaned forward, showing the first sign of interest in conversation.

“I’m trying to get Erwin laid tonight,” Levi said.

Erwin gave a weary sigh and stood. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to order a bottle of whiskey.”

Sahlo leaned in, so close that Levi’s skin crawled. “I thought the Commander was engaged to Lady
Gunnhild.”

Levi’s stomach dropped. “Engaged?”

“That’s what the rumours are saying.” The Lord’s eyes bored through him. “He didn’t tell you?”

“The only thing he’s married to is his work.” Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I know what you’re trying to
do.” It was working. Maybe an engagement was completely unfathomable, but now he was
picturing what Erwin would have to be doing with her in public to start that kind of rumour. Were
they walking around arm in arm? Hand in hand? Kissing in alleyways? On dance floors? His lip
was curling.

Petra rescued him. She tapped his shoulder and then nodded at a young woman sitting alone at the
bar with a book. “What about her? She’s been watching the Commander since we walked in.”

The woman in question was probably around Petra’s age, with an upturned nose, a slim build, and
fiery red hair. She seemed to be doodling absently in her notebook, sneaking glances at Erwin, who
was oblivious, examining whiskey labels on the other side of the bar.

Levi’s chest tightened. “Not sure she’s his type.”

“Why not? She’s cute. And she brought books to a bar, so she’s probably an intellectual.”

“So’s Hange, but that doesn’t mean Erwin—” He remembered the whole reason he had suggested
this: to prove to Sahlo that he and Erwin weren’t romantically involved. He steadied his face.

Erwin returned to the table with a bottle and uncapped it, pouring a generous serving for Sahlo.

“We’ve found the perfect woman for you, Commander,” Petra said, her cheeks flushed. How much
ale had she had? Levi could smell it coming off her in clouds.

“Have you now?” Erwin said, half-interested, as he poured himself a glass.

Petra pointed not-so-subtly to the girl in question. “You know she’s been giving you looks since
you walked in?”

“She’s awfully young,” Erwin said. “She can’t be more than sixteen.”

“She’s in her twenties, I’m sure.”

“No, I’m certain she’s too young for me.”

Levi lifted his chin. “Hey, Red,” he called.

Erwin and Petra both turned to him, surprised.

“Levi—” Erwin began.

“Red,” Levi called. “You, the girl at the bar.”

The girl looked up, brows furrowed. “Me?”

“How old are you?”

Erwin rubbed his face with his palm. “Levi—”

“Twenty-three,” she said, confused.

“Twenty-three,” he said pointedly to Erwin. “Go talk to her.”

Their gaze held for a moment, then Erwin looked at Sahlo. “I’m sure you didn’t come all the way
over here to watch me flirt.”

“By all means, go ahead,” the lord said with a smile. “This is interesting.”

With one last look at Levi, face expressionless, Erwin stood and began to approach the bar. He
leaned against it and murmured something, and they both glanced in Levi’s direction. He’s
apologizing for my rudeness.

A dark cloud settled over Levi. He had intended to stay sober, but his fake drink—water dressed up
to look like hard liquor—wasn’t quenching his anxiety.

He realized the entire table was silent, staring at Erwin. “Knock it off. You’re going to creep her
out.”

“I’ve never seen the Commander flirt,” Petra said, still too drunk and honest. “He seems pretty
smooth.”

He did, with his liquid hand gestures, his easy posture, his explanations about the drink as he
handed it to the woman. She was leaning toward him, her cheeks pink, a genuine grin on her face.
Does she even know who he is? Does she know how much he has given up just so this pub and
everyone in it can survive?

He could feel Mike’s gaze on him, but he refused to turn to him. No way in hell he was letting
Mike know he had been correct: this was a terrible idea.

It seemed he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable. Hange stood. “Moblit and I need to get back to
Albert and Chikachironi.”

Moblit, who had been drinking heavily through the meal, let out a low groan and rested his
forehead against the table. “Squad Leader, please. You need your rest.”

“You go ahead, Hange,” Nanaba said. “I’ll make sure Moblit gets home safely.”

“Leaving so soon, Zoë?” Sahlo said, but he received a glare so sharp that even he knew to shut his
mouth. Levi didn’t blame him. Angry Hange was terrifying.

“Why do you antagonize everyone?” Mike demanded in his usual blunt way.

Sahlo’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry, Squad Leader, I must have misheard you—did you just address
me as if I’m one of your subordinates?”

“It must be a lonely life, poking at everyone around you until they give you any form of attention,
good or bad. I can’t imagine living a life where I knew everyone around me wanted to stab me in
the back. Or the face.” Mike coolly lifted his drink to his lips.

Levi gave a soft snort at the lord’s stunned expression.

Nanaba quickly asked Moblit about the titan research, and the conversation began to wander. Levi
found his eyes drifting back to Erwin, who sat next to the woman now, leaning in close.

After a moment, he realized Sahlo was studying him, his face unexpectedly soft.

“What?” he snapped.

“You don’t seem happy with what’s happening over there.”

Levi shrugged. “He needs this. You’ve been shoving so much stress down his throat for so long
that he needs a night of fun.”

“What a loyal thing to say.”

Erwin stood and held out his arm. The woman took it, tucking her book under her other arm.

Leave with her, Levi thought, his stomach twisting.

Instead, Erwin looked back at him. Their eyes held.

Is he asking for permission? Levi’s heart beat in his throat. I could end this now. But Sahlo’s eyes
were on him, and more than that, there was a promise they had to uphold. He lifted his hand in a
casual wave.

Erwin nodded back, and then he and the woman stepped through the doorway. The door swung
into place behind them.

Levi stared after them, empty.

“We should call it a night, too,” Nanaba said. “Moblit is getting sloppy.”

The man in question let out a series of high-pitched laughs, slumping against her.

“Let the others go ahead,” Sahlo said, eyes fixed on Levi. “There are a few things I’d like to
discuss with you alone, Captain.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“You need only listen.” The lord filled a whiskey glass for each of them. Levi hadn’t planned on
drinking at all, but it was just as well; Sahlo was far enough ahead that Levi would be sober by
comparison, even if they shared a few drinks.

Levi nodded at Mike, who was watching him, to let him know he was okay by himself.

“I can stay, too, Cap’n,” Petra said, slumping against his shoulder.

“Go with the others. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

The others cleared out. Sahlo slid onto the bench next to Levi, sitting a little too close. He held up
his glass, then drained it.

“Why are you here?” Levi demanded.

“I’m sure your Commander will tell you all about it tomorrow, once he returns from making tender
love to—” Sahlo stopped, and for a moment, his expression flickered. “I really do antagonize
everyone, don’t I? Your big mop-haired friend is smarter than he looks.”

The damage was already done. Was Erwin in the shadowed alley behind the pub right now, kissing
her against the wall? Was she on her knees, delicately pulling him out of his pants? What if Erwin
felt her breasts and remembered how much he liked them? What if he buried that long, sharp nose
in-between her legs and breathed in and remembered how much he preferred vulvas to balls? Levi
grimaced and swallowed the whiskey. It burned, but he poured himself another glass.

“I knew your mother,” Sahlo said quietly.

Levi slowly turned to him, his skin crawling. “What?” he growled.

“Didn’t realize she had a kid, but there’s no mistaking the resemblance. She had your fire, too.
When Klein tried to wrest control of the house from her Madame, your mother cussed him up one
side and down the other, called him every crass name under the sun. He was so amused that he
made a truce with your mother’s Madame instead.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Levi’s head was spinning, and it couldn’t be from the
alcohol, not so soon. He felt cracks widening in the past memories he had carefully constructed for
himself, bits and pieces of them crumbling away. His chest was painfully tight. I’m going to have a
panic attack in front of this asshole.
“ Ah, maybe you were too young to remember. My mistake.”

“I don’t know what game you’re trying to play—”

Sahlo shook his head. “No games. Only missing pieces, and a few scant days to reveal them.”

Levi squinted at him. “Are you dying or something?”

“In a manner of speaking. I will be assassinated very soon.”

“Oh. So what, you’re just going to go back home and let it happen?”

“Where would you propose I go?” Sahlo asked, his eyes narrowing. “These walls are small.”

“People disappear all the time.”

Sahlo chuckled. “Your expertise is outside the wall, Captain. Mine is inside. Believe me when I
say there’s no way out for me.”

Levi’s lip curled. “So what do you want? Pity?”

“I want to clear my conscience. As much as a man like me can, anyway. It’s purely selfish.” Sahlo
tossed back the whiskey again, then poured another. “I’ve given your Commander all the
repentance I can afford. He’ll be deciding what to do with it.”

“So why are you talking to me?”

“Because your Commander is presumably buried in the bosom of a brainy redhead right now, and
you’re the closest thing to him.” Sahlo leaned close to him, slow and exaggerated. “You terrify me,
Captain. I tried to force you two apart. I tried doubt, I tried logic, I tried bluffing. But I
underestimated how strong your bond is. I shouldn’t have bothered trying.”

“What do you mean, bluffing?” Levi said flatly. “That bit about being engaged to Lady
Gunnhild?”

“The bit a few months back, when I accused the two of you of being in love.”

Levi’s stomach plummetted. “What?”

“It was an educated guess, at best. I tried it in stages, feeling my way through, but it was a
gamble.” Sahlo lifted the drink to his lips. “A lucky guess.”

Levi knocked the glass out of his hand; it shattered on the floor. The lord’s eyes flew open. Around
them, people turned to stare.

“We’re leaving.” Levi stood. “Pay the rest of the bill.”

Sahlo’s hand shook as he pulled a stack of notes out of his pocket and laid them on the table. Once
there was enough to cover the expense, Levi grabbed the man by the collar and hauled him to the
door.

The instant they were outside, Levi punched Sahlo hard in the stomach. The lord doubled over with
an oof , then fell to all fours, his hat rolling along the ground beside him.

“You fucking asshole.” Levi knelt, grabbed the lord’s grey hair, and jerked his head up so they
were face-to-face. “You let us believe there was some big rumour that we were together.
Evidence.”

Sahlo gasped for breath, but grinned at him. “It worked well, didn’t it?”

“Does anyone else think we’re—”

“No.”

Levi yanked harder on his hair. “Have you heard any rumours about us?”

“No. No one suspects a thing. They’ve commented on your loyalty, but never anything more than
that.” Sahlo cringed. “Let go of me.”

Levi released him; the lord fell to the street and didn’t move.

“Fuck.” Levi raked a hand into his hair. If the lord had mentioned this before dinner, Erwin might
not be in bed with a woman right now.

“I hate you, Levi,” Sahlo said from the ground. “You and your band of kids stole food from the
mouths of hardworking people. I thought maybe Erwin could train you, but even last year, you
killed good men and women who were just doing what they could to survive down there. You are a
parasite.” He lifted his head. “But Erwin seems fond of you. Damned if I can see why. So take care
of him.”

Levi bared his teeth. “I’ve been protecting him from you, you shitting asshole.”

“I have many regrets, Captain.” Sahlo struggled to his feet, hunching over his stomach.
“Everything I did was for the sake of the Underground. Talk to Erwin. He’ll explain.”

He already had, to some degree. Levi knew about the nutritive yeast, and the food packages, and
the weapons—something Erwin had painted as a negative thing, but Levi knew how essential
proper weapons were in the Underground.

With a sigh, he hoisted the lord upright and supported him, leading him back to the base. “You
dying is going to make our lives so much easier. I’m glad someone else is doing it so I don’t get
your blood all over me.”

“Yes,” Sahlo said, “I’d hate for my death to muss your pretty white cravat.”

Not surprisingly, Erwin’s office was empty, as was his bedroom. Levi lay in his own bed, but it
still smelled faintly of cologne.

With a low sigh, he grabbed a lamp and a wool blanket, pulled on warm clothes and trudged up to
the one place he didn’t feel trapped: the guard tower. He lay down a blanket and sat, staring up at
the stars. The air was damp and heavy, the sky clouded. He felt one raindrop, then two, then a light
mist.

He had only been up there for about fifteen minutes when the trap door opened behind him. He
didn’t have to turn to know who it was; only Erwin knew how to get up here.
“I can’t do it,” Levi said.

There was a pause, then Erwin settled to a seat beside him, staring out into the blackness with him.
“Can’t do what?”

Levi breathed in, trying to detect perfume or other unfamiliar scents that would belong to the
redheaded woman.

“Levi?”

“I can’t pretend to be okay with you hooking up with other people.” He drew his knees to his chest.
“Jealousy is immature as hell, but I guess I’m just immature. I know we stepped back. I know I told
you to do this.” He couldn’t say the words: I feel forgotten. Replaced.

Erwin studied him. “You’ve seen first-hand how hard it is for me to get over people, Levi. Why
would you think I would already be over you? I came up here because even holding hands—even
flirting —with someone else overwhelmed me to the point that I had to escape everything for a
while.”

“What?” Levi glanced at him. “But you left arm-in-arm—”

“I walked her home.”

“You looked back at me like you were asking permission to fuck her.”

“What? No, I wanted to make sure you knew I was leaving. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Levi realized he was shaking. He tightened his arms around his knees, curling into himself.
“This isn’t working.”

“What do you mean?” Erwin asked, but his voice wavered.

“I can’t do this halfway. It hurts too much.” Levi ran his fingertips along the wool surface of the
blanket; it was scratchy. He should have brought a more comfortable blanket.

“Are you saying you want to make this separation permanent?” The words were gentle, but they
sliced through Levi’s gut like steel.

“I don’t know.” He flopped onto his back in frustration. A gentle smattering of raindrops began to
fall on his face; he held his forearm over his eyes, shielding them. “I don’t know what the fuck we
are. I don’t even know if we need to be what we are. Sahlo told me tonight he was bluffing the
whole time.”

“Bluffing?”

“About us being together. He made a guess based on his observations and nothing more. Nile
didn’t tell him. There were no rumours. It was a fucking guess, and no one else has a clue. We’re
solving a problem that doesn’t exist.” Levi felt his eyes getting damp anyway; he blinked angrily.
“But you’ve been focusing so well, and the Corps has been making good progress. So maybe we’re
better off this way. I just—” His voice cracked. “I just want to be with you.” The words left a crater
in his chest, and he closed his eyes, feeling too vulnerable.

After an excruciating silence, Erwin stretched out on his back beside him, knees bent a little so he
could fit within the circular wall, arms behind his head.
For a few minutes, they stared up into the sky. The rain stopped misting and disappeared.

“With Sahlo out of the picture, we can push for Wall Maria soon,” Erwin said quietly. “Next week,
you and I will go to Mitras for the Council meeting, but instead of our previous plans, we’ll get
approval for our final checkpoint mission. I’ll send messages to Pixis and Nile tomorrow to start
readying their troops. We’ll be advancing on Wall Maria within a month. Do you think you can
tolerate this halfway state for just a little longer?”

“I thought we were going to die in the reclamation,” Levi said, rolling his head to look at him.

“We might.” Erwin’s face was soft in the lamplight. “But you’re Humanity’s Strongest, and I’m
apparently so crafty, the King himself fears me.”

“Really?”

“So I hear. I’m starting to think we can survive this, Levi. Maybe that’s wishful thinking, but it
keeps me warm at night.”

Levi rolled onto his side to face him. He slowly reached out a hand, then delicately trailed his
fingertips across Erwin’s forehead, sweeping the blond bangs to the side. His jaw visibly clenched.

“You got to touch me earlier.” Levi trailed his fingertips down the strong jawline, then his hand
curled away. “Only seems fair.”

Their gaze held.

“Do you want me to keep coming to your room at night?” Erwin asked. “Or is that making it
harder?”

Levi felt a swell of frustration. “How the hell should I know? It makes it worse and it makes it
better at the same time.”

“That’s a good way to put it,” Erwin murmured, but then his mouth stretched into a yawn. He
covered his mouth, his eyes watering.

“Tired?” Levi said. “Good thing you didn’t sleep with Red after all. You would’ve fallen asleep on
top of her and crushed her. That’s not comfortable, you know.”

Erwin chuckled and sat up. “Are you going to bring this up again? That happened once.”

“ More like once a week.”

“Humanity’s Strongest can’t handle a little weight on top of him?”

“Not when that weight is drooling and snoring in his ear.” Levi’s face fell. He missed how useless
Erwin was after sex.

“Not too much longer now,” Erwin said gently.

“Yeah, I know.”

They stood, shook out the blanket and folded it. Erwin picked up the lantern. “I’m going to retire to
my room tonight. You’re welcome to join me if you need company in order to sleep comfortably.”

“I might.” Levi paused. “Thanks.”

He still had that hollow crater in his chest. But it wasn’t quite empty, not anymore.
 Burn
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you for your lovely comments & messages! I'm so glad people are still
enjoying this gigantic fic. I'll keep this chapter's A/N short & sweet because I'm really
anxious to get this one up! Thank you everyone for your awesomeness.

And a big shoutout to lady-maverick81 for the lovely pic illustrating part of the cheesy
HCT Part IV trailer I posted on Tumblr/Twitter and turning it into something
beautiful! The colouring and atmosphere are just gorgeous! This scene will be coming
up soon and I'm really excited to get to it now! http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/133049778056/

Previous chapter: Levi is sick. Sahlo comes to Trost in a sombre mood, convinced he's
about to be killed by one of his many contacts. Erwin & Levi talk a bit about their
feelings. Hange gets a titan.

-36-

Burn

Levi rapped on Erwin’s office door and pushed it open. Erwin sat with his elbows planted on the
desk, hands folded over his mouth, staring down at something. Levi padded closer and saw a
sealed envelope, a lipstick mark over its flap.

“Sahlo?”

“Most likely, under the guise of Lady Gunnhild again.” His voice was strained.

“You think he puts the lipstick on and kisses the envelope himself?” Levi tried.

Erwin didn’t move.

Levi frowned. “Why aren’t you opening it?”

“It’s been less than a week since he was here.” Erwin’s eyes shifted to him. “He was rather
forthcoming about all that was coming to him, and we both ran up against walls trying to extract
more. I can’t imagine he has much else to add. Besides, we’ll be seeing him tomorrow—why
bother sending a message?”

“You’re talking about Sahlo. He’s probably just fucking with your head for the hell of it.” Levi
folded his arms over his chest. “Bring it with you. The carriage is waiting downstairs.”

“Already?” Erwin stood and opened his jacket to slip the envelope into his inner pocket. “You
haven’t even packed yet.”

“What? My bag is already in the courtyard.”

Their gaze held, Erwin’s brows pinched with an unasked question. Realizing what was confusing
him, Levi shrugged and added, “I didn’t think we were going to share the trunk this time.” Sharing
a trunk seemed like something a couple would do.

“I see.” Erwin reached for his pen. “Please ask the driver to wait for just a few minutes longer. I
have a couple last-minute instructions for Mike and Dita.”

“Not Hange?”

“Hange’s rather preoccupied with plans to capture another set of titans.”

“Again?”

“Mm,” Erwin said, already writing a list.

Levi left him to finish his work. He hoped Hange’s experiments were going well—he hadn’t seen
much of the Squad Leader since the first capture. He had to admit, he missed the constant chatter
and poor volume control during mealtimes.

The driver tipped his hat as Levi approached.

“The Commander will be a couple more minutes,” Levi said as he stepped into the carriage. He
froze, then stepped back out again. Had the cabin space always been that small? How was he
supposed to sit that close to Erwin for hours without things getting awkward?

“Everything all right, Levi?”

He turned to see Erwin approaching, hair glowing golden in the sunlight. Levi’s lips flattened. He
settled in a corner and folded his arms over his chest.

Erwin didn’t seem to notice his discomfort; he told the driver they were ready, then sat on the
bench opposite him. He pulled out a file and began to flip through paperwork.

This was how every day had been since their emotional discus- sion on the tower. Erwin seemed to
think they had come to a resolution; Levi felt more impatient than ever. He still had feelings for
Erwin, and Erwin still had feelings for him—that should have been enough, but a little spark of
hope in his stomach was roaring into a flame, and it was consuming him.

The problem was that he was thinking too much. It had been Mike’s fault, laying out their reasons
for separation like cards, then shredding them one at a time until only one remained. He had
thought that the last lingering reason had been fear , but Levi had been watching Erwin carefully
since then, and fear didn’t fit. When Erwin was afraid, his mask went on. He had been warm and
open with Levi since their chat, inviting him into his bedroom each night, burning too many
bedside candles on good books, reading himself hoarse. The other night, they had even lain awake
at two in the morning, giggling over some dumb joke with half-asleep delirium that had erased the
punchline from both their minds by morning.

No, Erwin wasn’t afraid. Only one explanation made sense: relief. His feelings for Levi were a
distraction, and he was relieved now that they had acknowledged their tension and carefully set it
aside until after Wall Maria.

Levi had known all along that he was a distraction; it had been his main reason for instigating their
separation in the first place. Then, however, it had been his idea. It was worse when it was
Erwin’s.
He shifted on the bench, drawing his knees tightly to his chest.

Erwin looked up at him and gave a polite smile. “It’s been a while since you’ve been to Mitras,
Levi. Have you missed it?”

“Not one bit.” Levi tried not to notice Erwin’s lolling knees. The pants seemed unusually tight
around the curves and dips of his thigh muscles; the fabric bunched between them, barely showing
the shape of his bulge. He was surprised to find himself aching to crawl into that lap and grind
against it. It was the damned carriage, too tiny to contain all the memories that had taken place
there.

Erwin’s smile faded, but his gaze didn’t drop. “Well, it shouldn’t be too taxing. I purposefully
declined all social invitations; we’ll only be focusing on the Council. Although I suspect Sahlo
might want to speak with me.”

He looked so solemn that Levi said, “Did you open the letter?”

“No.”

“You think he’s changed his mind about your share of the inheritance?”

Erwin pulled out the envelope. “It’s possible. It’s also possible this is a death notice.” His fingertips
drummed the paper.

Levi’s lip curled. “Don’t tell me you’re worried about him.”

“Strange, isn’t it? After all the grief he put us through.”

“He’s been screwing us over for four years. ”

“We did our share of damage to him, too.” Erwin’s mouth flattened. “I got to know him quite well
by the end there—too well. I know very little about any nobles who might take his place. If one of
them decides they want to be our opponent rather than our ally, I’ll have to start all my tactics and
strategies from scratch.”

“You love having a problem to solve, so you’d enjoy that,” Levi said defensively, because he
suspected Erwin was more worried about Sahlo’s well-being than he was letting on. “Besides,
we’re so close to Wall Maria. The only things you have to outsmart now are titans.” As he said it,
he realized how short-sighted he must sound.

But Erwin only said, “I suppose you’re right.” He flipped the envelope over. “May I borrow your
knife?”

Levi pulled the knife out of his boot and handed it over. The blade slid easily through the paper.

Erwin scanned the letter, his frown deepening.

“What?” Levi asked.

“He’s inviting me to his estate tonight. He wants to speak with me before the meeting.” The blue
gaze fixed on Levi. “During his visit, he mentioned there were things he was unable to tell me. I
wonder if he’s had time to think that through, to decide the truth of this world is more valuable to
humanity’s survival than whatever was stopping him from sharing it?”

“Shouldn’t that make you happy?” Levi asked, noting his sombre expression.
“I suppose it should. But it makes me wonder what changed his mind—with a man like Sahlo, an
act like this isn’t one of sheer benevolence.” Erwin folded the letter and slipped it back into his
jacket. “I did try to plant seeds in his mind that if he cared about humanity, he would tell me
everything he knew. What if he did some soul-searching and realized he needed to share? What if
he has information that would prevent us from ever reclaiming the Wall?”

“I don’t think that asshole has a soul to search,” Levi muttered. When it came to Erwin, it was
often difficult to tell if he was having a brilliant hunch, or if he was over-thinking things. Given
that they were going to be travelling all day, there didn’t seem any harm in him thinking himself
into a fog, if it came to that. It would help him feel better. “Maybe you should brainstorm, come up
with some possibilities so you feel ready to face him.”

“I think I will. There’s also the possibility that this is some sort of trap.”

“Wouldn’t put it past that asshole to make one last stand.”

“Indeed.” The blue gaze was still on him, piercing through him. “What about you, Levi?”

“What?”

“What will you do?”

Levi shrugged. “Just sit here, I guess.”

“That might get boring. This trip is surprisingly long if you aren’t … ” Erwin hesitated. “Killing
time.”

“Don’t make this weird.” Too late; Levi was already recalling the ways they used to kill travel
time. He rubbed his forehead.

“My apologies.” Erwin was using his stiff formal speech, as if he were trying to emphasize the
distance between them. “I didn’t intend to make things awkward. I am glad we can do this, Levi.”

“Do what?”

“Travel comfortably in close quarters like this. I’ve missed having you along on these trips.”
Erwin’s legs lolled a little wider to either side, as if he were trying to look more casual.

“Yeah,” Levi said, trying to ignore the allure of that perfect, muscled lap.

Over the next several hours, Levi drifted in and out of sleep. Erwin had long since moved on from
brainstorming and was working on documents. Levi decided he should offer to help, but he was so
drowsy that he kept falling asleep and dreaming he said the words rather than actually saying them
aloud.

The carriage stopped, and he jolted awake.

Erwin looked up, a small smile on his lips. “It’s okay. Go back to sleep. We’re just at a
checkpoint.”

That’s when he realized they had reached the gate of Ehrmich district. He subtly ran his hand over
his chest, feeling for the ring in his breast pocket.

He realized Erwin’s gaze was fixed on his hand.

“What?” Levi asked.

“Everything alright, Levi?”

He thought about lying, but Erwin would see right through him. “This is Ehrmich District, isn’t
it?”

“Ah,” Erwin said quietly.

Their eyes held, then Erwin closed his folder and set it aside. “You must be bored. Why don’t we
read for a little bit?”

“You brought a book?” Levi asked, surprised. He hadn’t expected recreational time to be a big
priority during this trip. Anger began to flicker in his chest.

“Of course I did.” The thick brows peaked. “Is that unexpected?”

“A bit.” The walls of the carriage were beginning to constrict. He tried to take a deep breath.
Erwin’s cologne, faint as it was, had tainted the air throughout the tiny carriage. It assaulted his
nose.

“We aren’t just colleagues on this trip, Levi. We’re still friends.” The sentence ended on the wrong
tone, as if he were seeking Levi’s agreement.

Out. He had to get out. “Forget it.”

“Levi?”

“I said, forget it.” Levi pulled the stop cord.

Erwin gave a low sigh. “If you would tell me what’s wrong—”

“Nothing’s wrong. I have to take a shit.”

The carriage pulled over and Levi immediately realized his mistake: now he was in a street in
Ehrmich in broad daylight. The crowd swarmed around him, couples arm-in-arm, a man tucking a
flower behind a woman’s ear, a woman laughing at her friend’s joke. He ducked into the nearest
store in search of a bathroom, because, if nothing else, it would give him a moment of privacy.

He sat on the cold porcelain and took several deep breaths. As much as the air stank in here, at
least it didn’t smell like Erwin.

The anger faded and left him hollow. He had never felt lonelier than in that carriage: trapped in a
box where they had made love dozens of times, travelling through the district that was a symbol of
the commitment they had shoved aside. He was tired of pretending they didn’t care about each
other. And Erwin had the nerve to try to distract him with a book?

Even after he calmed down, it took him a few minutes to drum up the courage to face that carriage
again.

When he finally returned, Erwin handed him a thermos. “I took the liberty of getting you some
tea.”

Levi accepted the offering and opened the cap to smell it. It was high quality tea; he took a sip. The
warmth trickled down his throat and glowed in his stomach.
“May I close this?” Erwin reached for the door. “Or would that be too confining?”

“It’s fine.”

“I know, in the past, confined spaces have made you uncomfortable.” Erwin closed it, then sat
back on the bench, eyes probing. “But I get the feeling that’s not what this is about.”

“Don’t pull that mindreading bullshit on me.” Levi pulled the cord, alerting the driver they were
ready to start moving again.

“I know this isn’t easy.”

“Seems easy enough for you.”

A wounded look flickered across Erwin’s face, and Levi immediately felt guilty, but he was too
stubborn to apologize.

When Erwin spoke again, his voice was low: “How many years have we known each other, Levi? I
would expect you to know by now when I’m overcompensating.”

“Just forget it.”

Erwin slowly crossed the carriage, bracing his hand against the roof, and dropped to a seat beside
him.

“What are you—” began Levi.

Erwin’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him in.

Levi stiffened, at first, then slumped against him. Erwin’s chest, beneath his cheek. Erwin’s heart,
pounding against his ear. Levi slid his arms around him, too, and he was shocked by how broad his
ribcage was. Was he always this big?

“ We’re not supposed to touch,” he said aloud, and he cringed, because that was the exact opposite
of what he wanted to communicate..

“I’m sorry, Levi.” Erwin pressed his cheek to the top of his head. “Let me lapse for one moment.
Just one.”

Levi clawed a hand into the back of his shirt, breathing in the scent of his chest. Knowing Erwin
was struggling just as much made him feel a little better.

But as nice as the hug felt, a persistent question undercut it: if they were both suffering, why were
they still apart?

They arrived at the usual hotel late in the afternoon. They stepped inside, walking side-by-side.
The front clerk recognized them and began to check them into their usual suite without even asking
which one they wanted. Levi glanced sideways at Erwin and noticed his jaw was tight. He realized
he was clenching his jaw, too. The first time they had come here together, they had already been a
couple; they had been here every month or two since then, until last fall. It was strange to enter
such familiar territory on such new terms. He felt as if he were riding into a scouting mission
without his gear.

They reached the door. Erwin twisted the key into the lock, then paused for an audible breath.
The door swung open. Levi’s eyes drifted to the bed where they had made love, and the carpet, and
the bathtub, and the dresser. And ah, yes, even the closet, that night Levi had drunk too much
eggnog at Lord Vasily’s winter party.

His feet carried him to the side room. “Mind if I take this room?”

Erwin nodded, jaw still tight.

Levi stepped into the side bedroom and closed the door. Safely sequestered, he began to unpack.
He had never opened the closet in the side room before except to spot-check it for cleanliness. It
felt wrong to hang his clothes here; they should be hanging next to Erwin’s in the main room.

Once they had settled in, Levi moved to the bathroom, washing off the filth of the journey. He
checked his chin in the mirror and decided he didn’t need a shave until morning. His undercut was
already getting a bit shaggy; he hadn’t touched it in a couple weeks.

He found Erwin sitting at the table in the main room, brow furrowed as he stared down at more
paperwork. Levi slung himself across the bed, wondering if he was going to end up there that night.
They hadn’t gone a night without sharing a bed since Levi had fallen ill, but this place had history.
Though it’s not as if our rooms had no history.

“I was thinking we might have an early dinner,” Erwin said. “Then we’ll talk about how we’re
going to approach my visit with Sahlo this evening.”

“Oh?”

Erwin held up the letter. “He wants me to come alone. Given that he believes he’s going to die any
moment, he may be acting out of desperation, and I can’t shake the feeling that this could be a trap.
I’d like to have you nearby, unseen. I’ve been to Sahlo’s estate before—I’ll draw out a map and
we’ll figure out our strategy.”

“Okay.” Levi sat up. “No uniform, then?”

“No, let’s change into plainclothes.” Erwin folded the letter and slipped it back into its envelope.
“Do you have any particular food cravings for tonight?”

“Meat,” Levi said automatically.

“There’s a restaurant near the courthouse that sells a lovely chicken breast platter. It might be
expensive.”

“I don’t care.” His money was mostly accumulating in his bank account these days, forgotten. The
only times he had ever gone out had been with Erwin.

They left the room a short while later, dressed in dark pants and collared shirts. It was a warm
night, and Erwin took off his suit jacket, slinging it over his shoulder. He looked unnaturally
handsome, and Levi found himself proud to be walking alongside him.

They settled into the restaurant, and for a while, Levi was able to pretend everything was normal.
They talked about past missions and strategy—only unclassified topics, of course, in case they
were overheard—and Erwin filled in Levi on some of the drama among their investment partners.

“How are things with Nile?” Levi asked when the conversation slowed.

Erwin fell silent.

“You haven’t talked to him since you tried to fuck Marie, huh?”

“Not anything outside the realm of business,” Erwin said, letting the provocative phrasing slide
right over him. “He’s still understandably miffed. Though now that we know Sahlo was bluffing
all along, I suppose there’s no need to pretend I was interested in Marie at all, is there?”

“Probably not.” Levi hoped they would patch things up. Nile was pathetic, but he could take a
constant stream of abuse and still keep his chin up, and he had a subtle sense of humour that verged
on bitterness. And Marie had a strong spirit that always left him feeling good about himself after
their visits. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed them both.

Erwin was still lost in thought. “Then again, it’s probably best that Nile and I show some distance.
Sahlo may have taken himself out of the picture, but there may be others who would be willing to
use Nile and his family against me.”

Levi studied him, realizing, for the first time, that losing Sahlo might mean Erwin pushing away
everyone near him even more than before. “Huh.”

“Not much room for friendship in this role. That’s one thing I didn’t expect when I dreamed of
becoming Commander.” Erwin stared down at his meal. “Or rather, I didn’t expect it to bother me
as much as it does.”

Levi nodded at the plate. “Keep eating, or it’ll go cold.”

“Mm.”

“You always forget to eat when you’re stressed.” The food was delicious; he took another
mouthful himself.

Erwin poked at the food with his fork. “Levi, about what happened in the carriage—”

The chicken in Levi’s mouth was suddenly too dry; he chugged a sip of water so he could reply.
“Don’t talk about it.”

“Is that what you want?” Erwin’s gaze lifted to him. “If you want to pretend it didn’t happen, I’ll
respect your decision, but I’d like to understand why you were upset.”

“You know exactly why I was upset,” Levi said, and that was the end of the conversation.

After they returned to the hotel room, Erwin sat on the bed with his notebook. “Let’s go over the
plan.”

On the bed? Levi glanced at the empty table and chairs. He sat on the bed next to his Commander,
leaning in close, but not actually touching.

“Sahlo lives on a large manor in a sparsely populated area just east of Mitras.” Erwin sketched a
quick map with a stick of graphite. “A thick, vine-covered fence surrounds the yard.” Somehow,
his vines actually looked like vines. Levi always enjoyed watching him draw; he wished he would
do it more often. Drawing probably reminded him too much of Henrik.

“How high is the fence?”

“About two metres. There’s a gated driveway here.” Erwin drew a long, curving path into the
centre of the property. “A security guard watches the gate, and others patrol the fence. There’s
nothing but vast green space in-between the fence and the building, with very few hills. It’s nearly
impossible to reach the house undetected. If we want to ensure you’re near the building, you’ll
have to be in the carriage with me. Unfortunately, if I’m supposed to come alone, I doubt the
security guard will allow you inside.”

Levi leaned a bit closer, enjoying their proximity. “What if I hide in a box or under a blanket?”

Erwin gave him a wary glance. “Given your dislike of confined spaces, I can’t imagine that would
be comfortable.”

Levi shuddered as he considered it thoroughly—and in a carriage, no less. “Good point. What if I

lie flat along the top? There are roof racks on most of the carriages around here, aren’t there?”

“Your silhouette would be noticeable against the street lamps.”

Levi felt a swell of frustration. “You’re approaching this like we’re storming an enemy base, but
this is Sahlo . He’s weak and paranoid. He’s probably hiding under his desk in a puddle of his own
piss.”

“Then let’s just say I’m afraid of crossing paths with the people who might be out to get him.”
Erwin tapped the gate. “You could wait outside the complex altogether.

“I’m not leaving you alone in there.”

After a pause, Erwin said, “Hm.”

“Hm?”

“You could be the driver.”

“That could work,” Levi said. “It’s no different than driving a cart, right?”

“Most likely, but there’s a catch: if, for some reason, you needed to leave the carriage to intervene,
we risk losing our mode of transportation back to the city. Don’t forget, these aren’t Survey Corps
horses. They haven’t been bred to wait patiently without a rider like ours have—they need careful
instructions, and are easily spooked. Besides, if there are experienced attackers there, they might
abscond with an unattended carriage to cut off our escape route.”

“So you’d want me to stay with the carriage.”

“Unless it was an absolute emergency, yes.”

“Sure.” Levi swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. “You know, after all this planning,
he’s just going to want to invite you in for a cup of tea and ramble on about the future of his failing
yeast product.”

“I hope you’re right.” Erwin stared blankly down at the notebook, his brows furrowed.

Levi wore the closest thing he could find to a driver’s uniform: a black suit and pants.

“Here.” Erwin pulled a wide-brimmed hat with white trim out of his trunk.

Levi eyed it. “I don’t like hats.” Especially ones that look like that.
“It’ll help disguise you.”

“You just happened to have this with you?”

“I suspected we might need to do some infiltration.”

Levi eyed it for another second, then slammed it onto his head. He purposefully avoided looking at
the mirror as he strode to the door, knowing he wouldn’t like who he saw, or the conflicting fear
and heartache it would make him feel.

They requisitioned a military carriage without a driver.

“Zackly’s going to wonder about that,” Levi said.

“We can explain it to him later. And Sahlo’s pursuers won’t find out until we’ve already visited the
property.”

“If he actually has pursuers.”

Erwin looked grim. “I suppose we’ll see.”

He’s already decided this is a trap. Levi studied him, heart pounding in his chest. If anything
threatened them, he would be ready to intervene.

The sun had already set by the time they were ready to set out. Just as well; darkness would help
conceal Levi’s identity. He pulled a thick blanket over his legs as he drove, trying to give the
illusion that he was taller. His size was an advantage when missions involved sneaking around, but
it made him conspicuous when trying to be anonymous.

The horses easily responded to Levi’s commands, but they required frequent corrections compared
to Survey Corps horses. Independence probably wasn’t valued as much within the Capital. For
both horses and people.

He mentally traced the route Erwin had given him before they left. Unlike the Underground,
Mitras was structured around a numbered grid, so it was easy to navigate. As they approached the
city limits, the blocks began to lengthen; the houses grew larger, with sprawling lawns between
them. Soon there were no visible homes at all, just walls of fences and hedges as long as full city
blocks. Trees hung over the road, their leaves glowing orange in the lamplight. Does some poor sap
come and light all the lamps by hand each night? Planters hung from the lamps, overflowing with
blooming flowers. Levi’s nose wrinkled. I wonder how much water they waste on this bullshit
while the Underground drinks mud and sewer-water. Sahlo had always claimed to want to help the
Underground. Had he ever looked at all his own excess and felt guilty? Levi doubted it.

Sahlo’s driveway was marked with a marble slab that looked like an old, worn tombstone. Levi
slowed the carriage and rode up the driveway to a tall set of gates. The hair on the back of his neck
rose as a security guard approached them.

“Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps,” Levi said in his most respectable voice. “The
Commander has an appointment with Lord Martin Sahlo for eight o’clock.”

The security guard held up a lamp. Levi bowed his head to show deference, effectively shielding
his face with the brim of his hat.

After several seconds, the security guard said, “I’m afraid Lord Sahlo requires all guests to
disembark from their private carriages here.”
“What?” Levi said, voice dropping to his usual tone.

“Special orders. I do apologize for the trouble. We have a buggy on the other side of the gates that
will escort the Commander up to the estate.”

“That’s bullshit. The Commander is an important man, and I’ve been entrusted with his safety.”

“What seems to be the problem, driver?”

Levi turned to see Erwin stepping out the carriage, his shoulders thrown back, chin high. He knew,
intellectually, that Erwin had the ability to exude confidence and majesty in official situations, but
moments like this still always made his breath catch.

The security guard must have been successfully intimidated, because he shrank into himself,
stammering, “His Lordship has insisted all visitors approach his estate alone. I’m sorry, sir.”

Erwin gave the long pause he gave when he was pacing through several alternatives to make a
decision. He lifted his chin a little higher, staring down his nose at the guard. “I see. My driver and
carriage can wait here?”

“Of course.”

“Commander—” Levi began.

Erwin’s sharp gaze landed on him. “I know this is unusual, but I am fine with the arrangement. I’ll
need my file out of the lockbox in the back.”

They moved to the back of the carriage. Erwin selected a random file, keeping up the pretense.
Then he held out a hand and whispered, “I shouldn’t go in there unarmed. I need your knife.”

“Forget the knife. You’re not going in there at all. It has to be a trap.”

“Agreed, but someone is going to a lot of trouble to trap me. I want to know who and why.”

“Erwin—”

“Levi, your knife.” The tone made it an order.

This was already stretching on too long for a simple file retrieval from a lockbox. With a sigh, Levi
pulled the knife out of his boot and handed it over.

“Wait at the end of the driveway,” Erwin whispered, “and be prepared to leave in a hurry, if
needed.”

“Don’t take any stupid risks,” Levi said, even though this whole thing was a stupid risk.

Erwin slipped the knife into his sleeve and strode toward the guard. The gates opened.

Levi settled into the driver’s seat, watching as Erwin stepped into a small buggy. The guard lit a
lamp on the front, then began to drive the horses. In the distance, Levi could see the manor house;
its windows glowed, warm and inviting.

Maybe Sahlo really is just paranoid.

He settled deeper into the seat, eyes locked on the buggy’s lamp as it moved closer and closer to
the house.
The buggy stopped at the front entrance, a tall set of double-doors with stained glass inlays. Erwin
adjusted his sleeves, feeling the cold blade of Levi’s knife against his forearm.

The buggy doors opened. The night air somehow felt too thick. Perhaps it was his instincts, honed
after years on the field of battle; everything was a little too still, a little too stiff.

“Sorry for the hassle, sir.” The guard gave him a military salute. He didn’t look old enough to be
ex-military, and his posture didn’t indicate any type of injury that would have sidelined him from
duty. Was Sahlo hiring plainclothes Military Police? He really is spooked .

Erwin clutched his random file tightly, as if it were an important document, and moved toward the
door. He reached out for the bell cord, but stopped when he heard the horses moving behind him.
The guard was already ignoring him, leading the buggy further down the driveway.

Taking advantage of his distraction, Erwin slipped through the door unannounced.

The architecture of Sahlo’s manor house was old-fashioned, with stone columns and patterned
brickwork, and faded tapestries hung from the walls, some appearing to be older than the Walls
themselves. Erwin had only been in this house a few times before, and the grandeur of the building
was always intimidating, but this time, he felt a sharp, cold twist in the depth of his stomach. It
took him a moment to identify what was wrong: the scent of kerosene was far stronger than usual.
It was possible a wary Sahlo was keeping more lights on, but Erwin’s instincts told him that wasn’t
the case.

For a moment, he warred with his urge to flee, but he successfully squashed it. This was an
important opportunity to learn more about what he was up against.

Normally, he would take the carpeted stairway up to the next floor, where Sahlo’s study was; the
lord had always awaited him there. This time, he paced forward into the lower floor. He wasn’t
going to strand himself on the second floor until he was sure his surroundings were safe.

Just before he reached the front room, voices sounded from the upper floor; neither of them were
Sahlo’s. He heard more booted footsteps above him.

Erwin’s teeth clenched. This was getting too risky. He quickly returned to the front doors, but
paused, peering through the stained glass to ensure the way was clear.

The security guard stood on the lawn; he was speaking with a short man Erwin didn’t recognize.
He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their gestures were agitated.

These are not my allies. Erwin pressed his back against the wall. His options were to go through
them and use the knife, or try to escape through another exit. He hurried toward the front room,
remembering that beyond it lay a dining room with a low balcony.

The front room was dark, but the scent of kerosene was stronger than before. His eyes weren’t yet
adjusted to the dimness, and he felt his way forward, using the wall as his guide. A low side table
hit his shins, and he winced. This was far more dangerous than he had anticipated. He should have
listened to his instincts, to Levi’s. He should have taken Sahlo’s paranoia more seriously.

His eyes were adjusting now.

“The Commander?” a voice boomed, laced with a thick Underground accent. “You’re sure?”
Shit.

A woman’s voice spoke next, too low to hear.

The man’s voice spoke again: “Well, maybe you should have taken out Lord Shitface in Trost like
you were supposed to.”

“I told you,” the woman said, voice getting closer, “he was always surrounded by too many
people.”

Erwin ducked behind the couch. There was a window behind him. Maybe he could open it and slip
through before he was detected. He felt for a latch, then realized the window was sealed. He would
have to break it. Maybe there was something heavy nearby …

“Fuck it,” the man drawled. “Let’s finish cleaning up this mess. We’ll flush him out like a rat.”

Light flickered, then illuminated the room. Erwin pressed against the back of the couch,
controlling his breaths.

“Well?” the man said, very close. “Where the hell is he?”

“Maybe he went upstairs and found Sahlo,” the woman said.

“How the fuck would he do that, shit-for-brains? We came down the staircase.”

“Maybe he flew,” she said dryly, and the man laughed.

Erwin formulated his escape: a single punch to break the glass, a kick to make a hole big enough to
escape through, and a dive through it, all before the pair realized where he was. He gritted his teeth
and carefully tugged his empty sleeve over his fist.

“He’s a big guy, right?” the man said, bootsteps pacing. “Big and tall? Now where oh where would
a big guy hide in this room?”

Erwin began to drive his fist toward the window, but froze mid-punch as he heard a click by his
ear. Metal tapped his temple.

“Should’ve sent your little friend Levi instead, Commander,” the man’s voice said. “He could’ve
fit into a vase, or scurried up the chimney like a fucking squirrel.” He blasted a laugh, as if he had
amused himself with the image. “Get up.”

Erwin slowly turned his head. He recognized the man: tall, bearded, flat-brimmed hat. Sahlo’s
babysitter.

“I’m not a threat to you,” Erwin said calmly.

“No shit.” The side of the muzzle tapped his temple again. “Get up.”

Erwin rose to his feet. He wondered if that unusual gun was from the collection Sahlo had been
gathering for Rage Klein, or if it was military. His eyes shifted to the man’s companion, and a
brow rose. He recognized her from the pub in Trost during Sahlo’s visit: the blonde Levi had
pointed out to him, the one who vaguely reminded him of his sister. She eyed him, looking bored.

The tall man cocked his head at the file. “That for his lordship?”

Erwin glanced down and saw that he had, in his haste, grabbed a file containing his list of personal
shopping and errands he had intended to do while in Mitras. “Yes.”

“Do you have an appointment?” The man had an unnerving grin that showed two sets of yellowed
teeth.

Erwin couldn’t read him; he was either unstable or toying with him. Perhaps both. “Yes.”

The man turned to his partner. “Well, then, we should get the man to his appointment! Would be a
real shame to keep his lordship waiting. He’s upstairs, in his study.”

Erwin scanned the area as they walked, looking for an escape, but the gun was still pressed against
his skull. Just as well; he wasn’t sure he could fight off these two, anyway. That time in the alley,
when Erwin had held a knife to Sahlo’s throat, the tall man had appeared behind him as quietly and
formlessly as if he was smoke.

If Levi were here, the fight would already be over. If only there was a way to signal him …

As they climbed the stairs, the tall man yanked the file out of Erwin’s hand and opened it. “ … the
hell? This some sort of code?”

The woman leaned over to take a look. “Suit measurements; no wonder you didn’t recognize
them.”

“Not a code?”

“No, they’re reasonable. His, by the looks of it. And that appears to be a list of popular fiction
books below it.”

In his periphery, Erwin saw the tall man giving him a confused sneer. He couldn’t think of a good
excuse, so he said nothing.

The scent of kerosene was so strong on the second floor that Erwin felt dizzy. His heart beat in his
throat.

“Nasty oil spill,” he said aloud. “Lord Sahlo should hire a new lamplighter.”

“Good idea,” the woman said. “We’ll add it to this important shopping list you’re giving him.”

The massive double doors at the end of the hallway were propped open. Sahlo’s chair was turned
to face the window, his greying hair just barely showing over the top of the high back.

“Go ahead.” The tall man shoved Erwin into the room, training his gun on him. “Talk to him.”

Erwin paced toward the desk. Sahlo’s office had been destroyed. The drawers had been thrown
open, papers littering the floor. The bookshelves were almost empty, books lying in piles at the
base. He could smell the oil in here, too. I hope they aren’t planning on setting me on fire with
everything else. He eyed the window, wondering how far the drop on the other side was. Levi’s
knife wasn’t much use against guns—or maybe it would be in Levi’s hands, but Erwin wasn’t
quick enough.

“Lord Sahlo,” he said, even though he knew it was futile.

No response. No movement. He gripped the back of the chair and turned it.

He had seen hundreds of dead bodies during his time in the Survey Corps, maybe even over a
thousand. But they had been soldiers on the field. Sahlo had been safely sequestered in Mitras, far
from the front lines. With all his political manoeuvring and machinations, he had seemed
invincible. Now he stared at nothing with clouded eyes, his head lolling at an unnatural angle. His
neck and chest were stained with old blood, and his skin was grey in some places, dark purple in
others.

Erwin forgot about the window, forgot about Levi waiting in the carriage, even forgot about the
pair standing behind him. Sahlo’s face looked peaceful, but maybe it was just slack. Why was he
sitting on the chair? Had he been moved here after his death, or had he sat calmly, accepting his
fate?

He heard footsteps behind him. In the window’s reflection, he could see the tall man and the
woman standing behind him.

Erwin closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself. It was no accident he was here. He made a
plausible guess:

“You were the ones who invited me here. Why? To intimidate me?”

“Oh-ho,” the tall man said. “You’re a quick one.”

The darkness made it difficult to gauge the drop to the ground outside the window. He tried to
recall past visits here. Sahlo was a fan of theatrical delivery; Erwin surely would have seen him
staring dramatically across the yard, arms clasped behind his back for effect. He tried to visualize
it. How far below him had the ground been then?

“Check the letter,” the woman said.

It took Erwin a moment to notice the blood-stained letter on the floor next to the body. He picked it
up and pulled out a document: a revised will, leaving no money to Erwin. The writing appeared to
be Sahlo’s, but Erwin knew how easily documents could be forged. He turned to face his attackers.
“I see. You’re setting me up.”

“Seems to me you have a pretty strong motive to kill this asshole,” the tall man said. “Seems to me
he wanted to cut you out of his will. You needed those funds to get to Wall Maria, so you snapped.
You’ve been under a lot of pressure these past few years, haven’t you?”

Erwin stood tall, eyeing their guns. “I don’t have a reputation as a man who snaps.”

“Your file says different.”

Erwin’s heart beat in his throat. “My file shows impeccable performance.”

“Not your military file. Our file.” The man bared both sets of teeth again. “846. Squad Leader
Mike Zacharias got his nose broken. Ringing any bells?”

Erwin used all his focus to keep his face neutral. How could the tall man possibly have known
about his breakdown while Levi and Hange were missing? The Survey Corps had gone to great
lengths to keep it a secret; not even Zackly knew about it. Not even Sahlo.

“Or how ‘bout the time you and your little buddy Levi went below the surface last year? Four
bodies.” The tall man whistled. “That doesn’t sound like impeccable performance to me,
Commander. Sounds like you’re a dangerous, unstable fellow. And the way you keep getting our
spies gobbled up by titans, you’re starting to piss me off.”

Spies? What other groups would be keeping an eye on the Survey Corps? Perhaps scanning troop
communications had been even more necessary than Erwin had thought.

“Are you going to kill me?” he asked calmly.

“Nah, we’re just trying to provide a little guidance so you make smart choices in the future. Here’s
what comes next.” The man stepped closer. “My friends and me, we’re gonna burn this house to
the ground, but leave your pal over there and his new will in good shape, good enough for the MP
to trace to you if we need them to. You’re going to get the fuck out of here and ignore every secret
this bloated weasel ever told you. You’re going to fall into line so this isn’t the way you die, too.
No more blackmailing lords, no more stealing the King’s gold, none of that shit. Play by the rules
and you won’t get hurt. Got it?”

That’s it? “You’re letting me leave?”

“Yeah, shoo. We’ve got bigger fish to fry.”

He still couldn’t tell who they worked for—were they agents of the King? Of the Wallists? Or just
hired goons from Sahlo’s investors? They seemed too knowledgeable for that. If it came down to
his word against theirs, he doubted he could shout louder than them.

He avoided looking at Sahlo’s body as he walked to the door. He could feel the pair’s guns trained
on him; he half-expected them to shoot him in the back.

Now he could see other colleagues of theirs putting kegs in each doorway, labelled “yeast”. They
glanced up at Erwin, shocked.

“Let him leave,” the man’s voice said behind him. “He’ll play nice now.”

The kegs shifted to the side to make room for Erwin to pass. He walked calmly to the exit and
stepped into the yard.

Levi watched the front of the house with suspicion. The buggy that had carried Erwin to the door
still hadn’t returned to the gate; instead, it had travelled further up the driveway. He had thought, at
first, that it was following a loop to turn around, but the light had winked out just past the house.
That had been a good ten minutes ago. Maybe the guard was waiting to bring Erwin back when he
was done, but why would he leave the gate unattended? None of this added up.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, and he began to guide the horses up the driveway.

He had only closed about a third of the distance when an explosion shook the air.

He barely caught a glimpse of flames licking up the side of the house; the horses began to bolt.

“Shit,” he said under his breath, trying to stay calm—the horses would sense his fear. They
careened off the driveway, moving so quickly that they were outrunning the lamp. A tree whipped
past them. Several other explosions sounded behind them.

The hat flew off Levi’s head. Shit! He pulled the horses back toward the driveway, trying to guide
them in a circular motion to calm them. The city carriage had a hard time negotiating the lawn; it
began to tip further, further … It was going to tip over completely if he didn’t intervene. He pulled
more firmly, desperate for control.

They reached the driveway again, and the carriage righted. Sweat trailed down Levi’s temple. His
forearms ached. The horses ran back toward the gate, but at least they were moving in unison now.
Gingerly, he tried to slow them.

The horses responded.

They came to a stop just inside the security gate. Levi twisted until he could see the house. The
entire building was in flames; the roof had already collapsed in the eastern wing.

Erwin! He hitched the horses to the gate, ignoring his orders. There was no point in having the
carriage ready to go if Erwin was trapped in a burning building. His heart pounded in his throat as
he sprinted up the driveway.

About halfway up the driveway, he spotted a figure running toward him, unidentifiable in the
darkness. Levi darted to the side of the road and crouched down. The figure slowed, too.

“Levi?”

Relief washed over him. “Come on.”

He was fast, but Erwin’s legs were long; they ran in unison toward the gate. Erwin leapt into the
driver’s seat as Levi undid the hitch. He swung into place beside Erwin. The horses began to move.

“You okay?” Levi asked.

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

“The horses are sweating,” Erwin said, slowing their pace.

“They bolted when the first explosion cooked off.” Levi paused. “I lost your hat.”

“Ah, well. Not a fan of that style, anyway.” Erwin turned the horses onto a side street and slowed
them to a walk. The only light here was from their lamp; this must be a throughway for servants or
delivery vehicles.

“Sahlo’s dead,” Levi said. “Isn’t he.”

Erwin was very quiet.

“If you’re going to tell me what happened, you’d better do it now, because we’re going to reach the
city soon, and people are going to be able to overhear. And you smell like kerosene.”

“Do I?” Erwin grimaced. “Some of Sahlo’s friends are cleaning up his business ties. I believe they
invited me to scare me. They’ve planted evidence to make it look like I killed him, and they
threatened to use that against me if I don’t fall in line. Then they let me leave.”

“Fall in line how?”

“I don’t know. They seemed like they might be Military Police, but they weren’t in uniform, and
the leader sounded like he was from the Underground. Maybe Rage hired MP mercenaries?”
Erwin’s brows were low, his gaze fixed straight ahead. “They knew things they shouldn’t have,
like the fact that we acquired some of the King’s gold.”

“Sahlo probably told them.”

“They also knew I attacked Mike.” Erwin turned to look at him, still wearing that intense gaze.
“Only a handful of us knew that. They claimed to have planted a series of spies at the base.”

Levi felt winded. “Did they know about us?”

“If they did, they didn’t mention it.”

The words should have made Levi breathe easier, but Erwin’s face showed no relief.

They returned the carriage to the military yard. As they walked back toward the hotel, Erwin
massaged the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“You okay?” Levi asked again.

“I suppose there’s no point in establishing an alibi. The military records clearly show we had a
carriage out around the time of the incident. I suppose I’ll have to play by the rules for a little
while. I can’t shake the feeling Sahlo was shielding me more than I thought—I wonder if I’m
going to become a target now that he’s gone?”

“Anyone who wants to get to you will have to go through me first.”

Erwin turned to give him a genuine smile. “Thank you, Levi.”

They returned to the hotel room. Levi pulled off his shoes and set them neatly by the wall, then sat
on the bed. He watched as Erwin hovered by the door.

“What is it?”

“Sahlo was holding a doctored will that cut me out of the funds. It was excellent work. It must
have been one of Leona’s—I need to speak with her to make sure. If we can’t confirm it was a
forgery, then we may be setting ourselves up for trouble down the road if we take Sahlo’s
inheritance.” He still hadn’t taken off his shoes.

“Now? It’s late.”

Erwin let out a low sigh. “I have to do something.”

So Sahlo’s death was bothering him more than he was letting on. In the old days, Levi could have
distracted him with sex. “Maybe you should just shower off that kerosene smell and we can read in
bed for a bit. It’ll be safer to head to the Underground in daylight.”

With another low sigh, Erwin nodded. He bent down to pull off his shoes. “I do feel my head is
muddled at the moment. Perhaps a good night’s sleep will clear it.”

Once they had finished cleaning up for the night, they settled into the main bed in their pyjama
bottoms. Erwin propped a pillow behind his head and began to read. Levi lay on his side,
watching. He never grew tired of watching the broad lips speak, the flashes of perfect white teeth
behind them, the little tug down on the tip of his nose when he pronounced certain sounds.

The story itself was mediocre—a tale of half-baked political intrigue set against an aristocratic
backdrop. It seemed all these types of books followed the same basic plotline: a character fought
against the social norm for a while, but ultimately ended up happier when they embraced it. Levi
recognized it as propaganda, but the predictability of the stories was part of the reason they were so
relaxing to read. He had enough unpredictability and realistic drama in his everyday life.
After about half an hour, his eyelids were drooping. A long pause caught his attention. When he
opened his eyes, Erwin was staring at him with a soft smile.

“Tired,” Levi mumbled.

“It is getting a bit late.” Erwin set the book aside. “Did you want to stay here, or return to your own
room?”

“You already know the answer to that,” Levi said, but then he paused. “Unless you need space.”

“No. I think company is good for me right now.” He leaned across to extinguish the lamp.

Levi closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, trying to get comfortable again now that he was fully
awake. This particular bed was always too soft. He dropped his arms to the side.

A brush of skin. Their hands were touching again. He froze.

He became aware of Erwin’s breaths, a little too long, a little too deep. The bed just barely shifted,
and even though Levi couldn’t be sure, he was pretty confident those massive thighs were flexing.

Don’t, he told himself, but he was already reaching out his little finger, crossing it over Erwin’s—a
small bit of contact. A harmless invitation.

He heard Erwin swallow, felt himself do the same. Why were they holding back anymore? Why
were they apart, with Sahlo dead, the rumours nonexistent? He was lightheaded.

Erwin’s voice was too low: “Levi.” An admonition.

He flinched and pulled away. “Guess I was half-asleep.” He rolled onto his side, facing away,
hoping his pounding heart wasn’t audible from the other side of the bed. There was a long pause,
so long that he thought that was the end of it. Then he felt the bed shift.

“Levi, if they’ve been observing me closely enough that my attack on Mike is documented, then
there’s a good chance they know about our history, too. Whoever these people are, they’re
dangerous. Organized. Trained.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Levi muttered.

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter how much they know. I’m your best pressure point, even if things had always
been platonic between us. They know I’m your right-hand man; if I don’t attend events with you,
people begin to question it, right? And anyone who’s figured out where I came from thinks I’m
your pet project. So what does it matter if we’re fucking or not?”

“You underestimate the depths people would sink to,” Erwin said, his tone calm and measured.
“Our romance was never sanctioned by the military; it was a breach of protocol, and that could be
twisted into treason. I won’t see you hanging from a noose because of my—” He stopped.

“Your what?” Levi said, humiliation beginning to warp into anger. “Your mistake? Your lapse in
judgement?”

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway, because it already happened.” Levi rolled onto his back again.
“We were together for three and a half fucking years. Holding back now doesn’t magically undo
that.” His voice caught, and he cursed himself for showing emotion. Erwin listened to logic, not
emotion.

“I thought we came to an agreement in the tower,” Erwin said, voice tight. “We weren’t going to
rekindle anything until after Wall Maria so we would stay focused.”

“Well, maybe us being apart means you’re not breaking down as much now, but—” Levi’s voice
caught again. “I am. Seems we traded one for the other. And you’ve gotta be the one using your
brain more, so maybe it’s not so bad if I’m the one suffering. But if you’re suffering like I am,
that’s twice the suffering, not just a trade. So I need to know.” He took a steadying breath. “Have
you been breaking down at all, the way you did when we were together?”

After a long pause, Erwin said, “No.”

Levi’s stomach dropped. “Oh.” His hands clawed into the mattress. “Does that mean you’re better
off if we never … ” He couldn’t bring himself to suggest it.

The silence was even longer this time.

“Erwin.” He hated not seeing him, hated trying to guess what the silences meant. He reached
across to his bedside table and lit the lamp.

When he turned to face Erwin again, he saw him with his hand shielding his eyes, his cheeks
damp.

Levi sat up. “What the hell? You’re crying?”

“A little.”

“You said you weren’t breaking down!”

Erwin wiped his face with the back of his hand. “It’s not much longer now, Levi. We’re so close to
the Wall, and if we can just stay focused—”

“Bullshit.”

“—we can plan the best possible strategy and come out the other end alive, and then—”

“Bullshit! Fucking knock it off.” Levi leaned over him. “Tell me what’s really going on.”

Erwin sighed and closed his eyes. “Levi—”

“Don’t shut me out.”

Erwin’s throat bobbed, and he looked away. His voice was small: “I’m terrified.”

Levi’s breath caught. Mike was right. “ Because you’re worried what will happen if one of us
dies.”

“I’ve taken huge risks before, but I’ve never suffered major consequences until recently. Those
consequences don’t land on me, where they belong, but on those around me instead.” The blue
eyes locked on Levi, so cold that he shivered. “Think of all the trauma you’ve had to endure in the
past year— No, it starts earlier than that, with your friends Farlan and—”

“We agreed my choices were going to be my own. I’m the one offering my own heart, and that’s
my decision, not yours.”
“The odds were different back then.”

Levi’s lip curled. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. What they did to my sister’s husband, Levi … What they did to Sahlo … ”
Erwin’s gaze grew distant, and for the first time, Levi recognized that he had been traumatized by
what he had seen in the lord’s home. Instead of concern, he felt anger.

“You’re looking for excuses. Fear’s never stopped you from anything before.”

“It’s not just that I’m afraid,” Erwin said quietly. “If we do rekindle our relationship, it needs
rebuilding. I want to do that properly, when we have the time and the focus to be each other’s
priority.”

Levi snorted. “More bullshit. We’re never going to be each other’s priority.”

“After Wall Maria—”

“—we’ll be pushing outside the walls and dealing with whatever we find out there. We agreed
from the beginning that the titans would always come first. That’s how we work.” He was getting
angrier with each sentence, and he should probably stop, but the words kept coming. “No more
excuses. You’re pushing me away because our relationship is the one thing you have the ability to
control right now.”

“What do you mean?” Erwin asked, and there was a note of danger in his voice, but Levi didn’t
back down.

“You’ve lost Sahlo, so you lost any control you had over the interior. You’re worried about Wall
Maria, because no one has any control over how that’s going to go, not really. Even Nile isn’t
willing to do you favours anymore. So you’re controlling the one thing you can: you’re keeping
me at arm’s length. The only reason we’re apart right now is because you’re a fucking control
freak.” Awful, he felt awful, but at the same time, it felt good to lash out.

Erwin stared at him for a moment, mouth open a crack. Then his brows dropped. He stood and
strode to the closet, whipping the door open. It slammed against the wall; Levi jumped.

Erwin yanked a dress shirt off a hanger; the hanger clattered against the closet as it fell back into
place. “I’m not sure what you’re hoping to accomplish with this conversation, Levi, but you can’t
bully someone into being with you.” He pulled off his pyjama pants and pulled on a pair of black
pants. “And if you think belittling me is going to endear you to me—”

“Where are you going?” Levi interrupted. Realization hit him. “You aren’t going to the
Underground now. It’s the middle of the fucking night.”

“This is the best time to do it. I’ll pose as a nobleman looking for a sex worker.” He pulled on his
shoes.

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“I need to know if Leona was involved in Sahlo’s forgery.” Erwin turned to face him, hands in his
jacket pockets. “You stay here.”

“Don’t be stupid. You need protection.”

“That didn’t work so well last time.”

The words punched Levi in the gut, winded him. Their gaze held, then Erwin turned and marched
for the door.

Levi’s voice still wasn’t working; he leapt out of bed and scrambled to the door, intercepting him
before he could open it.

“Move,” Erwin said, hand still on the door knob.

Levi found his voice. “You’re storming off to make me feel guilty. That’s manipulative as hell. I’m
not going to sit around worrying about you while you smugly storm off to your death.”

After a moment, Erwin released the doorknob, his face softening. “I know I’m being manipulative.
But I genuinely do want to speak with Leona before we see the Council tomorrow. It’s been eating
away at me since I saw the modified will.”

“We’ve never really fought like this before.”

“No.” Erwin looked sombre. “I can’t say I’m fond of it.”

“No,” Levi softly agreed. “This is fucking awful.”

Their eyes held.

“The real reason I don’t want you to come with me is because you’re too recognizable,” Erwin
said. “I shouldn’t have brought up what happened last time. That was low.”

“Well, it was true.”

Erwin’s jaw quivered. “Shall we continue our conversation after we’ve had time to calm down?
Maybe we can talk about our fears and issues rationally instead of slinging insults at each other.”

“Yeah.”

Erwin’s throat bobbed. Slowly, slowly, he bent down, until his lips pressed to Levi’s forehead,
warm and damp. The words, “I’m sorry,” fluttered against his skin.

“Yeah, me, too.”

Erwin stood upright. “I’m going to use the entrance by the market. I’ll be going straight to Leona’s
place. I should only be gone about an hour.”

“You really have to do this?”

“I have to do something.”

Levi remembered the trauma in his eyes, and this time, he felt concern. “I’ll be here.” He stepped
aside, opening the door for him. “Be safe.”

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, then stepped into the hall.

The guard at the entrance stepped forward, burly arms crossed over his chest.

“August Adler,” Erwin said, flashing fake papers, because Sahlo had been the only person he had
needed to hide that pseudonym from—as far as he knew, anyway. And if anyone already knew
about August, then they probably knew all his other secrets, too.

“Damned late to be heading Underground, Mr. Adler,” said the man as he read the document.

“A man’s needs have no fixed schedule.” The words tasted of mud and left a thick film in his
mouth.

The guard nodded and let him pass.

Erwin strode down the stairs, chin high. At the base of it, a group of provocatively dressed people
whistled and called out to him, trying to draw his attention. He pushed through them and marched
toward Leona’s house.

The lights were out, and for a moment he thought he smelled kerosene. He knocked, anticipating
the worst.

A light went on in the bedroom, then travelled toward the door. He couldn’t smell kerosene at all
now. He let out a slow breath, feeling his body relax.

The door slat slid open, and then he heard Leona mutter, “What in the three Walls-?”

The door swung open.

She was thinner than he remembered, and her clothes were dirty and tattered. Her smile, however,
was as warm as ever.

“What are you doing here?” She glanced up and down the street.

“I wasn’t followed. May I come in?”

“Yes, of course.”

They settled in the kitchen; she brought him a cup of tea and then sat across from him with a cup of
her own.

“It’s been a while,” she said. “I was beginning to think I’d never see you again.”

“Sahlo is dead.”

Her eyes widened for a moment, but then she smiled pleasantly. “That’s good news for you, isn’t
it?”

“I know you were working with him, Leona.”

She shrugged. “I saw a lot of clients over the years.”

“I suppose money is more important than loyalty.”

She laughed. “Are you going to give me a lecture on moral choices, Erwin? I’ve made a living
circumventing the law—something you’ve done more than your fair share of yourself. Then, at the
end of the day, you go back to your guaranteed room and board while the rest of us struggle for
scraps.”

He frowned. “I know what Sahlo meant to you and the other residents of the Underground. I know
the work he was trying to do to keep everyone fed under the name Lord Hasek. I would have been
happy to increase your payment, if money was the only issue.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” She leaned closer. “The Klein family has always dominated this
segment of town. They have for generations. Independent businesses like me don’t do so well
unless we ally with the Kleins. And Rage and Hasek were in each other’s pockets from the
beginning, so being loyal to Rage meant being loyal to Hasek.” Her brow furrowed. “I don’t know
what’s going to go on with the food situation here now that Hasek’s gone. Both his food supply
and the extra money and weapons he was supposed to be bringing in are gone, and that yeast thing
he was working on is a bust, too.”

“I know. I was helping him with all that.”

Her face softened. “I know.”

“I’ve been cut off from my means to help feed people, too: Sahlo originally left a quarter of his
estate for me, and the Survey Corps was to use those funds to reclaim Wall Maria. Today, I saw an
updated version of the will that wrote me out entirely. Were you approached by anyone to make a
fake will for Sahlo?”

“Yeah. Figured his time was up when that happened.” She eyed him. “Can I ask you something,
Erwin? Friend to friend.”

“Of course.”

“Is there any chance the Underground is going to see one bit of the food that floods these walls
once we have Wall Maria back?”

He stirred his tea and took a long sip, considering. When he set it back down, he said, “I don’t
anticipate Levi standing for anything less. He still has a soft spot for the Underground.”

She raised a brow. “Is that so?”

“He’s not well liked here, is he?”

“There were some who admired him. Others who hated him. Just like anyone else here, it depends
who you talk to.”

He considered the funds they would need for the expedition, doing some quick calculations. “You
don’t happen to know what amount Sahlo is leaving behind, do you?”

“No idea. He might even be in some debt.”

Erwin smirked at the idea; that would be a final ‘fuck you’ from beyond the grave. He wouldn’t
put it past him. “How does this sound? I have a sum in mind that the Survey Corps needs in order
to successfully reclaim Wall Maria. I suspect it will be less than what Sahlo left to me. I know he
left a large sum to Rage, which will help out his people, but there’s more to the Underground than
just Rage. We need to get money and food to all the people who need it.”

She cocked her head. “I’m listening.”

“I’d like a revised will that overwrites the one I saw today. If you restore my share to the original
amounts, I’ll not only quadruple your usual fee, but I’ll also give you the excess funds from Sahlo
—if there are any—to distribute among your neighbours as you see fit.” Sahlo had told him to buy
something nice for himself, after all. What did he need? He had guaranteed room and board.

Leona pulled out an envelope and slid it across the table.

He opened it. It was a notarized copy of the original will, the one Sahlo had shown him.

“Wanted to make sure you were thinking of us before I gave this to you,” she said. “Your lord
friend asked me to hang onto it. You’ll find any more recent versions weren’t notarized properly.”

He raised a brow. “No?”

“The people who bought the altered version were rude as shit.” Her smirk had evolved into a grin.
“It was my pleasure to screw them over. If they try to use that altered will as evidence against you,
just lean over it and confidently point out that the date stamp is missing a notary number, as if you
would have immediately noticed it all along.”

“Won’t this come back to haunt you?”

She shrugged. “I make fraudulent documents. I’m nobody. They have bigger things to worry
about.”

“I appreciate this, and I won’t forget our deal.” He finished his tea, then stood.

At the door, he pulled on his boots. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Erwin. Don’t get eaten.” Leona gave him a fond smile. “I’ve been more loyal than you
might think, you know. I could have sold you out to Hasek at any point if I wanted to.”

“Thank you.” He bent down to give her a tight hug; he stealthily slipped a dozen folded notes into
her pocket before he released her. It wasn’t much, but it would secure her a couple week’s worth of
meals.

Levi sat up, startled.

Erwin softly closed the door. He must have thought Levi was still sleeping, because he quietly
undressed in the darkness. The dim light from the cracks around the door highlighted the shape of
his chest and stomach muscles. He turned to lay his clothes on the dresser, revealing the defined
muscles of his back. Then he eased into the bed.

“Hey,” Levi whispered. “How’d it go?”

“Go back to sleep,” Erwin said gently. “I’ll tell you in the morning.”

“How do you know I was asleep?”

“I could tell by the cadence of your breaths when I first slipped through the door.” A pause. “Such
a peaceful sound.”

“My breaths?”

“Yeah. I’ve missed that sound. I’ve slept better lately than I have in weeks. Months.” He felt Erwin
shift closer, then heard a whisper near his ear. “I have no right to ask you this, Levi, but may I hold
you tonight as we sleep?”

His breath caught. “You blow up at me because I touch you with my pinky finger, and now you
want to—”

“I know. It’s hypocritical, and yet … ” He released a long, slow breath, one that fluttered against
Levi’s skin in the darkness. “I’ve slept pressed up against every other officer. I’ve slept in Mike’s
arms, and with my limbs entwined with Hange or Berit. It’s what comrades do when we’re in the
field. And if I can’t lie next to you like a comrade—” He paused. “No, you asked for no more
bullshit. It’s more than that. I miss the way you feel next to me, Levi. I miss how you feel in my
arms. If nothing had ever happened between us, I could make this request without either of us
thinking twice about it.” His voice, still whispered, was shaking. Did something happen with
Leona that upset him?

Levi wanted to say yes—his skin was parched, it cried out for Erwin to soak it with his body heat
—but he was still smarting from their conversation earlier. “This line between us keeps getting
blurrier and blurrier.”

“I know.”

“Every time we take a step closer, it’s just going to hurt more if we try to step back again.”

“I know.”

Levi swallowed hard. “Okay, fine. Do you want me to face you, or face away from you?”

“Turn your back to me, please.”

Levi rolled onto his side, and Erwin curled up behind him. A heavy arm draped across his ribcage
and curled around his chest. Levi’s throat constricted. He had missed this so much: the warmth and
the shape of Erwin’s body behind him, large and protective. He had even missed the feeling of
being compressed by his grasp. These arms were the only place he could be confined in a tight
space and not feel trapped.

A hum sounded in his throat before he could stop it. He snuggled back against Erwin, carefully
leaving a bit of a gap in front of his pelvis, as he would do if he were lying for warmth with Mike
or Eld.

“I missed this.” Erwin’s breath was hot in his ear, and Levi felt a shiver ripple through him. He felt
a nose press into the back of his hair, felt a shuddering inhale. The shudder didn’t feel sexual; it felt
like a restrained sob.

“You okay?” Levi whispered.

“I’ve seen countless dead bodies. One more shouldn’t bother me. But what I saw tonight, Levi, I
wasn’t … ” The words trailed off into another shuddering breath, an exhale this time.

“It’s okay.” He shifted his head a little, nestling back against that sharp nose, and in his fatigue, he
found the courage to say: “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Their hands found each other and interlaced, and Levi pressed them against his heart.

The next morning, Levi awoke feeling refreshed—and a little sticky. He had forgotten how sweaty
it was to sleep pressed together, or how body hair could get so itchy when it was trapped between
damp skin. He was repulsed, but delighted at the same time.

He took a lengthy bath, scrubbing his skin until it glowed. He took a little time to explore himself,
because when did he ever get a chance to finger fuck himself in the bathtub at the base? It felt so
good that he began to get carried away. A tiny part of him hoped Erwin would walk in on him
jerking off, but by the time he had finished his bath, Erwin was still unconscious.

“Hey,” he said, using his foot to shove Erwin’s shoulder—a bit of a stretch, but it felt good to show
a little playful disdain. “It’s already eight o’clock.”

“Ugh,” Erwin said, sitting up and clutching his face.

“You can’t be hung over. You didn’t even drink last night.”

“No, I didn’t.” Erwin lowered his hand, only one eye open, the other in a squint. “How are you
feeling this morning?”

Levi considered the ups and downs of the night before. “My head’s all screwed up.”

“Yeah.” Erwin slowly blinked his one open eye. “After the Council meeting, we should get some
dinner and talk through all this.”

“Dinner? How long is this fucking meeting?”

“I expect it will last all day. We’re making a big ask, and there are a lot of consequences for the
other divisions that must be carefully considered. That, and there’s the matter of Sahlo’s death.”

“Oh.” Maybe it showed how much Levi disliked the lord; he had already forgotten he was dead.
“Go have a bath. The water tank is still hot from mine.”

Once Erwin had bathed and dressed, the two of them fell into place in front of the mirrors in the
bathroom, shaving and fixing their hair. Once they had dressed, Erwin put on his bolo tie, then
turned to Levi. “Think you can help me get this straight?” He looked almost shy.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek and reached up to make the tails even, centring the green stone over
Erwin’s chest. “Bend down,” he added, and he tidied the part in the golden hair.

Then, he tied his cravat and turned to Erwin, who wordlessly adjusted it for him. His fingers
lingered on the cravat several moments too long, then the blue eyes lifted.

Levi felt his throat bob. “Well? Let’s go.”

Erwin gave him a small smile.

They left the building and found their favourite tea shop. The selection was scant, but Erwin
insisted on paying extra for a sweet honey pastry for Levi. They both had tea—coffee was in short
supply these days—and sat on a bench in the park outside the courthouse. They quietly discussed
the upcoming meeting, refreshing themselves on the expedition details.

“Most importantly,” Erwin said, “we must remember that there are officially four checkpoints left
to stock, not two.”

“Right.” They had stocked the other two checkpoints so long ago that it was easy to forget.

They ran into Nile on the way into the chambers. Nile gave Erwin a stiff good morning, and a
kinder one to Levi.

“How are Marie and the kids?” Erwin asked.

Nile’s lip curled at him. “Go fuck yourself.”

Erwin’s mouth circled into an “o,” and as Nile stormed off, Levi leaned in close.

“He still thinks you tried to sleep with Marie.”

“Right.” Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose.

They settled into their seats. Zackly was already seated at the head of the table; he folded his hands
in front of him. “Commander Erwin, has anyone informed you about Lord Sahlo?”

“Yes, I received word last night,” Erwin said. “It’s an unfortunate loss.”

Zackly was staring a little too intently. Levi glanced around the table and realized Pixis was doing
the same.

Another Council member, Lord Robrecht, was less subtle: “I suppose this leaves you free to march
on Wall Maria. How convenient.”

“What the hell are you implying?” Levi growled.

The lord’s eyes narrowed at him. “You know very well what I’m implying, Captain.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

All eyes shifted to Erwin, who sat tall, chin high. “Believe what you want,” he continued. “Your
suspicions are of no concern to me so long as we move quickly to fill the void Martin left behind—
and it is a large void. The nutritive yeast product was behind schedule, but it was progressing, and
without him at the helm—”

“Actually,” Nile said, flipping through a file, “the MP have received accusations that the yeast isn’t
nutritive, but a biological weapon.”

Erwin’s brows rose. “Pardon?”

“The accusations come from an anonymous source that claims to be an insider on the project. They
say the yeast was never meant to be used for consumption; it was made as a water-soluble toxin,
and would wipe out an entire population. The source says Lord Sahlo planned to use it to wipe out
Wall Sina and leave room for the Underground to rise.”

“What the hell?” Levi said.

Pixis started laughing.

“You think that’s funny?” Lord Robrecht cried, wringing his knotted hands.

“It’s ridiculous, your lordship,” said Pixis. “There’s absolutely no way Lord Sahlo would be
involved in something so preposterous. We all know he had ties to the Underground—that was a
relatively open secret—but he was one of the King’s closest confidantes.”

Levi glanced over at Erwin. The man’s jaw was tight. Does he actually think it’s possible?

“ Erwin,” Pixis said, turning to him, “the Survey Corps became heavily involved with Sahlo’s
project. Surely you can vouch for the idiocy of this accusation.”

“I ate some of the yeast product myself,” Erwin said. “It was unpleasant, but it was no weapon.
Besides, if he were trying to wipe out Wall Sina for some strange reason, why would he opt for
yeast instead of a more straightforward weapon?”
“So no one could point a finger at him afterwards,” the lord said, dabbing at his sweaty forehead
with a handkerchief.

Erwin’s eyes shifted to him. “His supposed plan would wipe out anyone with a finger to point. No,
this is posthumous slander. Someone wants to waste our time and lock up his assets.”

Levi read between the lines: someone’s trying to delay our reclamation.

“ Regardless of this rumour,” Zackly said, “we’re going to have to have an inquest to look into the
suspicious circumstances of his death. And more than that, we’re going to have to look for a new
lord to replace his position on the Council.”

Minister Nick calmly raised his hand. Levi looked at him, lips pursed. He knew exactly what was
coming.

“Yes, Minister Nick?” Zackly said, already sounding weary.

“Given the importance of the Wallists to the King, and given that Sahlo himself was straddling the
border between the nobles and the Wallists, I believe our only reasonable course of action is to
appoint the purest replacement.”

“Purest,” snorted the merchant guild leader. “That’s ridiculous. You just want one of your cronies
to be appointed so you can pass more bills about your fear-mongering—”

“Mr. Weiman,” Zackly said, “Minister Nick has the floor.”

The Minister stood; he looked like a puppet being drawn up by strings. “It’s quite clear we need a
more balanced representation on the Council. I’d like to appoint one of my colleagues, a holy man
with the highest of morals.”

“Perhaps,” the lord drawled with disdain, “this is a matter best left to the King. No doubt he has his
own successor in mind.”

“I’ll send word,” Zackly said. “In the meantime, we must address a contentious issue, one that
Lord Sahlo firmly opposed.” He turned to Erwin. “Are you going to make a move for Wall Maria
now that he is no longer blocking you? Or are you going to keep on the path the two of you have
been walking together?”

Levi tensed as he turned to Erwin, watching him.

Erwin leaned forward, his face taking on his hawk-like focussed expression. “The yeast and the
weapons are dead ends. The yeast, though not a biological weapon, will not come together in time
to be of use to the Underground. People are starving this moment. Sahlo himself was staving off
some of that with his involvement in illicit activities to funnel food to the Underground, or so my
intelligence tells me. Without him buying us time, a crisis situation in the Underground is
imminent.”

The other Council members began to mutter. Nile was staring at his notebook, brows furrowed,
but Pixis seemed to be watching Erwin intently. Levi tried to get a read on the old man, but his face
was a perfect mask. Or maybe he’s just drunk.

“ As for the weapons that were originally intended for the Military Police … ” Erwin shifted his
focus to Nile. “Nile, we both know guns are useless against titans. A high-powered gun would be
nothing more than a good luck talisman. If that’s something you think we need in order to give
your soldiers’ confidence, then I’ll take some of the funds Sahlo left me and use them to fast track
research and weapons development. However, I’d much rather funnel those funds into producing
practical weapons. Squad Leader Hange Zoë has been honing our weapons based on our research
on the captured titans. I propose we ignore the gun project and use the funds to produce nets,
projectile spears, harnesses, and other restraint equipment. Everyone on the field will benefit. But if
you tell me false confidence is more important, I’ll trust your expertise.”

Nile stared at him for a moment, then shrugged and looked down. “No, it’s not. Scrap the guns,
and go ahead with other weapons.”

A hint of a smile showed in the corner of Erwin’s lips. “I have been preparing a timeline for Wall
Maria.” He held out a roll of paper. “May I?”

“Of course,” said Zackly.

Erwin unrolled it and placed his checkpoint markers on each of the checkpoints. He placed red
ones on the last four. “I didn’t anticipate we would be able to move on this so quickly, so I haven’t
yet had a chance to vet this strategy with each of you—I’d appreciate your input if I’m overlooking
anything important. If we agree to this strategy, then this is how things will proceed.

“Mr. Weiman, I’ll be using a portion of Lord Sahlo’s generous posthumous donation to pay you for
food supplies. I understand that food shortages are a real concern right now, so I would be prepared
to pay a premium. Say, ten per cent?”

Levi watched the merchant, waiting for a reaction. Weiman had claimed before that the food
shortage itself was the reason he was reluctant to support them, but knowing merchants, money
had been the true barrier.

Weiman eyed him. “This isn’t just a food shortage, Commander: it’s a famine. I need a thirty per
cent premium.”

“Fifteen,” Erwin said. “And we will commit to providing protection to your preferred farmers after
the Wall is reclaimed. There is bound to be some instability as everyone sorts out ownership of
property in Wall Maria.”

“Protection plus twenty, final offer.”

Erwin nodded. “Send the contracts to my office in Trost and I’ll get them properly signed and
notarized.”

Weiman folded his arms over his chest and nodded, looking satisfied.

“Are you done shopping?” the lord asked dryly.

“This impacts all of us, Lord Robrecht,” Erwin replied. “Once we’ve reclaimed Wall Maria, we’ll
be able to tackle famine—we’ll have time for a full harvest cycle.” He slid wooden markers into
place around the three checkpoints equidistant from Wall Maria. “These three checkpoints will be
where we make our stand. Commander Dok and Commander Pixis, any troops you provide will be
fighting alongside us.

“The Survey Corps can leave as early as the end of next week to stock the final four checkpoints. I
anticipate that mission taking less than two weeks. While we’re absent, the MP and Garrison
should be preparing their troops for the journey. I anticipate they’ll need approximately four weeks
of classroom instruction to be brought up to speed on Survey Corps conventions, as well as the
reclamation strategy.”
“What is this strategy?” the lord asked. “You never did tell us.”

“Commanders Pixis and Nile have discussed it with me before. This is a good time to talk about it
in more depth.” He slid some markers into Mitras and began to push them north. “The operation
will begin approximately two weeks after the Survey Corps returns from the final checkpoint
mission. Once we return from that mission, we’ll bring the newest set of Trainees into the fold and
give them a crash course in Survey Corps methods and techniques. Then, we’ll depart. The weakest
troops will head north, where they are unlikely to encounter any titans. They’ll be escorting
supplies to the top of Wall Maria, which will be transported to Shiganshina to help block the hole
in the wall from above: nets, cannons, traps and debris. I anticipate that trip taking about a week.
We’ll time the main body of our group to head south a few days later, so we reach the gate by
Shiganshina at approximately the same time.”

As he continued to explain the strategy in detail, Levi watched the others for any sign of mistrust.
They were all listening intently. As Erwin continued speaking, his confidence seemed to be
growing. It was if he could hear how much his plan made sense now that he was bouncing it off
other people.

Levi glowed with pride. I chose the right man to follow.

Once Erwin had finished introducing them to the plan, the Council paused for a vote on whether or
not the mission should proceed. Every hand rose except two: Minister Nick and his Wallist
colleague.

“This is preposterous,” said the Minister. “There’s no way we should be tampering with the holy
walls. Such a thing is utter blasphemy.”

Levi eyed him, unimpressed. “Haven’t you been listening? People are going to start dying if we
don’t claim more land.”

The Minister had an unnatural glaze over his eyes. “Perhaps that is not what is meant to happen.
Perhaps this famine is punishment for humanity’s hubris—”

“Knock off the bullshit,” Weiman said. “You’re cloistered away in your safe little church, so far
from the titans that you probably don’t even know what they look like. The merchants in Trost are
right on the boundary. All it takes is one broken gate—”

“It’s immoral,” barked the Wallist sitting next to the Minister.

Zackly pulled off his glasses and set them aside, massaging the marks they left behind. “Minister
Nick, is there anything we can do to convince you to reclaim the wall?”

“The wall is not to be tampered with.”

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t be part of this conversation.”

The Minister looked shocked. He glanced between the other faces, but no one would make eye
contact with him. His eyes narrowed.

“The King will be none too pleased—”

“The King won’t have any subjects to rule pretty soon,” Levi said. “I’m sure he doesn’t want his
servants and his cooks and his soldiers to die of starvation.”

The Minister looked scandalized. He stood. “He will be hearing about this.” He and his cohort left
the room, the door slamming behind them.

“Does the King actually give a shit about the Wallists?” Levi asked.

“It’s a complicated matter,” Zackly said. “Having Wallist representation was something he insisted
on. We must respect his wishes. However, the Wallists are notoriously single-minded—hardly
conducive of a collaborative project like the Council.”

Levi turned to Erwin, whose eyes were narrow. He’s trying to connect the dots, but he can’t quite
see it yet.

“ It doesn’t matter,” Nile said. “The King is a reasonable man, and he knows we can’t feed anyone
unless we expand our territory. We should keep planning. I want to make sure his soldiers aren’t
walking into a death trap for nothing.” He folded his arms over his chest. “I want to know more
about how you’re actually going to rebuild the Wall, Erwin, and how we’re going to communicate
this to the public.”

They spent the next couple hours diving into Nile’s question in more detail, then paused for lunch.
A group of MP served them a bland stew with sweet bread and cheap tea. The room was
surprisingly quiet as they ate.

Levi leaned close to Erwin, keeping his voice low. “How do you think it’s going?”

Erwin gave him a polite smile. “Everyone’s eager to move ahead with the reclamation. That’s more
than I expected.”

“Your plan is good. We’re going to succeed.”

This time, his smile was genuine.

After lunch, the bulk of the Council disbanded, while the military branches stayed behind to plan:
Zackly; Pixis and his aide, Anka; Nile and a female soldier Levi didn’t know; Erwin and Levi.
They began to pore over the plan in greater detail, assigning deadlines and charting a timeline.
Everyone had suggestions and points to bring up, and Erwin incorporated them all. He had been so
insecure about his plan in the past that he was probably relieved not to be the only one making
strategic suggestions.

They broke for dinner, then pressed on.

By the time the city clock rang nine bells, Levi felt as if his eyes were crossing. Erwin had filled
most of his notebook with notes, and Pixis and Nile were busy debating the number of carts they
would need to assemble.

Zackly stood. “This has been incredibly productive. However, I think we need to take a break for
the night and continue this at a later date.” He glanced at his notebook. “Let’s set up four or five
days of strategic planning after your team returns from stocking the final checkpoint, Erwin,
because you’ll have the most up-to-date information available then.

“In the meantime: Erwin, your regiment will be in charge of coordinating weapons development
and supply acquisition. Nile and Pixis, you will be responsible for dividing your soldiers up by
skill and assigning them to squads respectively—northern, defense, scouting, and firefight. Pixis,
I’ll leave you to work on portable cannon requisition, carts and horses. Nile, you’ll handle the
acquisition of flares, blades and gas for the travelling teams, and assist Erwin with the financial
planning. I’ll speak with the King’s people to ensure we have his approval—and perhaps try to
assuage the Wallists.
“And Erwin, make sure you send detailed maps and strategy to the rest of us. We need to make
sure to coordinate and standardize our classroom instruction for this mission.”

“Thank you, sir.”

The Commanders saluted the Commander-in-Chief, and then they filed out the door.

Once they were out of earshot of the building, Levi turned to Erwin. “That went well.”

“Yeah?” Erwin said.

“Yeah. You were good. But I guess we’re not going out for dinner after all.”

“No. Sorry, I didn’t realize it would take so long.”

“Not your fault. That was important. Maybe drinks?” He yawned as he said it.

“Maybe.” Erwin paused. “I want to take some time to discuss our relationship, but—”

“—we already talked all fucking day,” finished Levi. “It can wait.” Besides, it might be nice to
have another night of cuddling under their belts before they spoke, in case their discussion ended
up being of the ‘let’s step back a bit more until after Wall Maria’ variety.

They returned to the hotel room, then took turns washing up for bed. Erwin eased into the bed,
leaving space for Levi, who hovered in the bathroom doorway, uncertain.

Erwin shifted over a little more. “Would you like to read for a bit?”

“I thought you were tired.”

“I am, but my mind is racing. I could use the distraction.”

Levi nodded. They snuggled into the pillows—they had seemed too soft the night before, but now,
Levi felt tension ebb from his neck and shoulders. He rolled onto his side to watch Erwin’s face.
They weren’t quite touching, but that warmth under the covers was so welcoming that it felt as if
they were.

Halfway through the chapter, Erwin read, “‘She threw open the heavy oak door, then let out a
startled cry. A tall man sat on the bed, his crimson hair tumbling sensually over his broad, well-
muscled shoulders. Excitement tingled through her round, ample chest, travelling heatedly to her
core. ‘My beautiful lady,’ he whispered seductively, “you appear to be shivering. Let me warm
your alabaster skin with my—’ Oh.”

“Oh?” repeated Levi.

“I think this is a sex scene.” Erwin flipped ahead a page, his brows rising. “Yes, it is.”

“What? There wasn’t supposed to be any smut in this one.” Levi sat up and tried to reach for the
book.

Erwin leaned away, flipping the page. “A long scene, apparently. It’s rather graphic.”

“It can’t be that graphic. She’s engaged to the duke, and she doesn’t even know this guy’s name.”

“He’s ‘tasting the folds of her womanhood.’ The author is overly fond of the word ‘juices.’” He
flipped the page, still reading.
“Disgusting,” Levi said, but he leaned over Erwin, still trying to reach the book. “Either read it out
loud or give it here.”

Erwin’s eyes twinkled at him as he held the book out of reach. “I didn’t think you’d be interested in
a woman’s juices.”

“I’m not,” Levi said, but he was curious. He was on top of Erwin now, arm straining. “You’re built
like a fucking ape.”

Erwin laughed, and while he was distracted, Levi snatched the book out of his grasp. He flopped
back onto his side of the bed and began to read. “Oh.”

“I told you: it’s graphic.”

“What the hell? Her juices are ‘gushing forth like a fountain’—do vaginas really do that?”

“Well … ” Erwin’s cheeks were dark. “The author is taking poetic license, but they can get quite
wet.”

Levi turned the page. “How many women have you slept with?”

“Pardon me?” Erwin’s ears turned pink.

“How many? More than just Marie, right?”

“Yes, but I’d prefer to keep the number to myself.”

“Too many to count, huh?” Levi flipped the page. “Now her bosom is ‘heaving.’”

“It just means her breaths are heavy and—”

“I know what it means. It’s not just breasts that do it. All chests heave.” Levi read the next line.
“And bounce, too.” He was starting to feel lightheaded from the inappropriate discussion.

“What?”

“With each thrust, they jiggle a little. Especially if they’re muscular like yours.” He suddenly
realized how inappropriate it was to discuss this, and how aroused he was at the same time. He
closed his mouth and continued reading. “Huh.”

“What?”

He flipped to the end of the chapter. “This scene goes on forever.”

“Maybe we should skip ahead,” Erwin said absently, but he was squeezing his pectoral muscle
with his hand. “Does my chest really bounce?”

“Yeah, a bit. Not nearly as much as your ass.”

“I see.” Erwin plucked the book out of Levi’s hands.

“I was reading that.”

“We’ll continue tomorrow. I think it’s time we both went to bed.” Erwin swung his legs over the
side of the bed and walked stiffly to the bathroom, his back positioned toward Levi.
Is he going to jerk off in there? The prospect was so dizzying that Levi sank into the pillow,
adjusting the waistband of his pants. He couldn’t shake the memory of Erwin’s bouncing ass.

The bathroom door was closed. Levi strained his ears, listening for grunts or slapping or anything
that would indicate Erwin was touching himself. Instead, he heard running water, then splashing.
He’s splashing cold water on his face. Now he was picturing Erwin staring at himself in the
mirror, water dripping off the sharp tip of his nose, trying to convince himself he wasn’t all worked
up. Shit, that’s hot.

A few minutes later, Erwin exited the bathroom. The front of his pants was flat, and Levi wished
he could say the same.

“We should get some sleep.” Erwin slipped into the bed.

“I guess.” Levi turned away from him, curling around the awkward lump in his pants. He felt a
heavy arm drape around him, strong and warm, and that was only making it worse.

“Goodnight, Levi.” The words rumbled against the back of his neck.

“Goodnight.”

The lamp dimmed, then went out.

He closed his eyes, trying to focus on something neutral. He found himself thinking of the Council
meeting, but that was even worse, because now he couldn’t stop recalling how competent and
composed Erwin had been. He had been in complete control the entire way through, even when he
had let others think they had the floor. And that determined look on his face, that intense gaze—

Fuck it.

He slipped out from under Erwin’s arm and strode to the bathroom, feeling for the door. He locked
the door behind him and lit the bathroom lamp, then lowered the toilet seat, pretending he was
settling in for a lengthy visit.

Instead, he pulled his pants down and leaned against the far corner of the room. He grabbed
himself, swallowing back a groan. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this turned on.
Probably the time he had overheard Erwin at Christmas.

He quietly began to move his hand. Heat rippled through him, along with a deep ache, a need to
move faster. He fought the urge and kept it slow, because he needed to stay quiet. The slowness
itself was tantalizing, and he soon felt himself sliding down the wall, too distracted to stay
standing.

His muscles were tight with frustration; he pressed his free hand over his mouth, because he wasn’t
going to be able to hold back a moan much longer. His ass hit the floor; being bare-bottomed on
the bathroom floor should be disgusting, but he didn’t care. Keep it slow. His entire arm was
shaking with strain. Quiet. Slow and quiet. He began to repeat the words with each stroke, hanging
onto them like a mantra, even as they started losing their meaning. A sharp groan sounded in his
throat, and he clamped his hand tighter. Quiet!

Orgasm sneaked up on him so suddenly that he had to muffle a yelp. It felt so good, so good, his
heels skidding across the floor again and again, trying to get traction, as if he were trying to push
himself away from the pleasure.

His abdomen shuddered one last time, then stopped, and his hips slowly lowered back to the cold
tile. Stars sparked in his vision. He was slumped against the wall now, a mess on his stomach—he
hadn’t even bothered to pull out a handkerchief.

He slowly unclasped his face, gasping for breath. Fuck.

He wanted more. He wanted to go back into the main room and climb on top of Erwin. He wanted
to feel the man pushing him face-down into the mattress, riding him from behind. Scenario after
scenario surfaced, each more pornographic than the last, and he was already starting to get hard
again. He experimentally tried to continue, but he was too sensitive.

Just as well. This loss of control was embarrassing.

He carefully washed his hands and abdomen clean. The room smelled like sex now, and he wasn’t
sure how to fix that. Hopefully it would dissipate before Erwin was in here next.

He paused at the door for a moment, ashamed, before he opened it.

Erwin’s breaths were heavy, as if he were asleep. Levi wasn’t sure if he was relieved or
disappointed that he hadn’t been overheard.

He slipped back into bed. Erwin gave a small, half-asleep moan and pulled him in with one arm.

He wanted more. “Erwin,” he said softly.

“Mm?”

“What the hell are we?”

He could tell by the tension in Erwin’s arm that he was awake, but there was no reply.
 Change
Chapter Notes

Thank you, as always, for all your amazing support! I can't believe you've read this far.
HOLY SHIT.

I'd like to give shout-outs to two amazing artists for their lovely renditions of HCT art!

aileine made a hilarious 2-panel comic inspired by chapter 35. I'm still laughing, lol.
http://aileine.tumblr.com/post/135444721163/

elisacosplay made a touching picture of Erwin & Levi embracing in the carriage in
chapter 36.
http://elisacosplay.tumblr.com/post/135915770057/

Thank you both for your amazing art!

Also, blacknekoh has posted the first chapter of an Italian translation of HCT!!
AWESOME! Thank you so much! :D If you read Italian, you can find the link here:
http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/136170801996/

Previous chapter: Sahlo is dead, and some shifty folks were involved, but Leona is still
on Erwin's side. Erwin proposes a push for Wall Maria. Levi and Erwin cope with
unresolved sexual tension. Lots and lots of it.

-37-

Change

Erwin read Levi’s assignments aloud over breakfast. They sat at the table in the hotel room,
sharing a loaf of bread with honey and a fresh pot of tea. It wasn’t unusual for them to share a meal
together—even since their separation, they had continued to take their lunches and dinners
together, often just the two of them. But something was different. Maybe it was the way Levi
looked at him with focus instead of his usual indifference. Maybe it was just the knowledge that
they had spent the night just as intertwined as they had in the days when they had been lovers. The
wall between them had crumbled, and now they stood on either side, trying to decide if they should
cross the line where the barrier had stood.

Once Erwin finished the list, he sipped at his tea and grimaced; it was cold. Levi swallowed a
mouthful of bread, then spoke.

“You’re going to be okay here?”

“I’ll be fine.” He was staying behind in Mitras for a few days. The primary objective was to sort
out Sahlo’s inheritance, but he had also been summoned for questioning about his death by the
MP. He wondered if the tall man’s threat would come into play. Was pushing for Wall Maria now
considered “out of line?”

While Erwin would still be in charge of refining their strategy for the final checkpoint mission,
Levi and Mike would be handling the bulk of the planning back in Trost, sorting out squad
assignments and resources. Erwin’s focus would be shifting a few weeks ahead to the reclamation
effort. Their timeline was tight, and he wanted to have everything ready early so he could revise it
as much as possible. It would be humanity’s most ambitious push to date. He wasn’t going to fail.

After they finished breakfast, Levi gathered the last of his things. They stared awkwardly at each
other for a moment. A taste rose in Erwin’s memory: Levi’s mouth, with its sweet natural notes
and strong mint overtones.

He gripped Levi’s shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. This one lingered too long, but he couldn’t
bring himself to end it. Levi’s hands smoothed slowly up and down his back.

“When I get back to Trost,” Erwin said, “let’s make some time to retire to the guard tower and have
the talk we’ve been putting off.”

“I already know how it’ll go,” Levi said quietly. “We’ll agree we both want each other, but we’ll
decide to wait until after Wall Maria. Like always.”

As Erwin bent down to breathe in the scent of the dark hair, he had the feeling their version of
‘waiting’ was just as ridiculous as their version of ‘taking it slowly’ had been at the very start of
their relationship.

When the door closed behind Levi, the room felt colder, but there was no time to linger. Erwin had
to hurry to attend a meeting downtown with the merchant’s guild, where he would start arranging
supply delivery.

That afternoon, he met with the MP for questioning about Sahlo’s death, and found them
completely disinterested in anything he had to say. It seems Sahlo’s tall friend didn’t use any of the
evidence he planted against me … yet. At least he wouldn’t have to waste valuable time trying to
prove his innocence.

The next few days passed in a steady stream of meetings and planning. He spent two full days with
Pixis and Nile and their officers, making sure they were ready with the classroom material for the
reclamation. He met with lawyers and accountants to claim his share of Sahlo’s estate, then
distributed the funds into the appropriate accounts. Some of the funds wouldn’t be available for a
while, but there was already more than enough money to start paying for supplies for the
reclamation effort. He anticipated having a large gift to deliver to Leona in the upcoming weeks.
Maybe he would even buy back his half of the apartments he had sold to Levi the previous year.

On the evening of the fourth day, he attended Sahlo’s funeral.

The lord’s house had been demolished after the blaze, and he had no surviving family, so the
funeral was held in a memorial park in the rich end of town. Given Sahlo’s temperament, Erwin
wasn’t surprised to see that the seats were mostly empty; less than a dozen people were in
attendance. He saw only two familiar faces: Lady Gunnhild sat in the front row, and the tall man
with the flat-brimmed hat stood at the trees at the back of the park. The man tipped his hat at
Erwin with a crooked grin.

Erwin stopped and stared at him. Now that he was in broad daylight, something about his face was
familiar, and not just because he had been appearing by Sahlo’s side so frequently. Erwin couldn’t
put his finger on it. Had they crossed paths in the Underground, once upon a time?

Standing beside the tall man as a man with a round face. He was short, probably even shorter than
Levi, and he didn’t have the build of a soldier. Erwin had never seen this man at any of the galas
over the years; his height would have made him stand out. A reclusive lord, perhaps? Someone
close to the king?

With all these new, shadowy figures appearing lately, Erwin was beginning to get the sense that
the true power within the walls had nothing to do with the Council or the military. Sahlo was right.
I have no idea how deep this goes.

No one else from the Underground was there, not even the vendors with whom Sahlo had had
open, legitimate business relationships. That seemed odd to Erwin until he remembered Sahlo had
been the only lord arranging day passes up to the surface. He doubted anyone else had stepped in.

Whatever questionable moves Sahlo had made, it had done a great deal of good for the
Underground. When it came time for humanity to take a step forward, they must not forget to carry
the Underground with them.

A Wallist minister led the ceremony, referring to Sahlo almost exclusively as “Brother Étienne” as
he rattled off a list of the lord’s accomplishments with the church. With a brief prayer, he scattered
his ashes, and the service ended. Erwin stood and approached the dusty lawn, all that remained of
Sahlo’s physical form in the world. All those years of machination, all that careful positioning and
manoeuvring, and now he was dust on blades of grass. He glanced back toward the tall man, who
had ended everything with a single slash of a knife, but he was gone.

If I had taken his paranoia seriously— he thought, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He
turned to see Lady Gunnhild.

“Doing okay, Erwin? I know the two of you worked together a lot.”

“I wasn’t aware the two of you did.”

She shook her head. “We didn’t, really. We dated for a time when we were young, and we always
stayed on friendly terms, though I never approved of his business ethics.” She frowned. “Looks
like it all came back to bite him, in the end. The MP won’t tell me who killed him, but I’m sure it
was one of those gangsters he was working with.”

It was strange to picture Sahlo dating anyone; he was too selfish and self-involved. Then again,
maybe people thought that about Erwin, too. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Yours, too. Pity the Wallists don’t believe in headstones. Now I don’t have anywhere to sit and
tell him ‘I told you so.’” She smiled, but a tear trickled down her cheek. She dabbed at it with a
lace-bordered handkerchief.

Erwin was accustomed to letting his officers deal with crying people at funerals; his role required
him to steel himself to public displays of emotion like this, to be a beacon of strength. He had
already said he was sorry for her loss—what more was there to do? We’re still supposed to pretend
to be dating, he thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to embrace her.

Luckily, she spoke: “I know our … arrangement was mostly for his benefit. Do you want to
continue the ruse? I know a little place that does a great spiced trout. My treat.”

The thought of anyone looking at the two of them and thinking they were something more made
him ill. His polite smile must have said it all, because she nodded.
“I see. I’ll start rumours of our breakup. Come speak to me before you set out for Wall Maria,
Commander. I’ve heard rumours Squad Leader Hange is doing experiments on live titans, and I’d
be very interested in supporting such research.”

“Thank you,” he said. “Perhaps I’ll bring Hange with me next time I’m in town.”

She smiled sadly. “Take care of yourself, Erwin.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and then she
walked away.

Erwin crouched over the ashes. This was a glimpse into his future—almost. He would have more
attendees at his funeral, but most of them would be there out of obligation, and they would
remember him as the Commander, not as Erwin Smith. Men like him, men like Sahlo, they didn’t
make friends. Not many, anyway.

He retired to his hotel room with a bottle of wine, and ended the night curled around Levi’s pillow,
trying to breath in traces of lemon scent.

On the fifth day after Levi’s return to Trost, he stood beside Mike in the courtyard, his weight
shifting from foot to foot.

Mike glanced at him.

“Shut up,” Levi said. To his chagrin, it had become tradition for Mike and Hange to tease him
about his obvious impatience whenever Erwin was due to arrive in a carriage, and now they didn't
even need to open their mouths to do it.

Instead of speaking, Mike leaned closer, sniffing Levi’s hair.

Levi punched his arm. “The hell are you doing?”

“Just trying to sniff your scent on its own one last time before I start smelling Erwin all over you.”

“Knock it off.” Levi sidestepped away. “You’re presuming too much. Asshole.”

Mike grinned.

Levi wished he had his confidence. Things with Erwin were strange right now. At least planning
was keeping him too busy to spend time thinking about it. Together with Dita and Mike, Levi had
built all the squads for the upcoming expedition, and they had a first draft ready for the
reclamation effort after it, too. It was difficult to allocate spaces for the new recruits without
knowing how many were going to join the regiment, but based on the previous years’ numbers,
they had gone with a conservative estimate of eighty.

Hange, meanwhile, had been busy with a small titan; Mike’s squad had captured it just outside the
wall. Levi had ventured downstairs to the lab once, but had avoided it since; Hange and Moblit had
been spearing the titan’s knee, testing how the titan’s super-healing abilities had locked up its
joints.

“For a new weapon,” Hange had said, turning to Levi with such a cruel grin that he had taken a
step back. He had forgotten how ruthless Hange could be in pursuit of knowledge.

The two of them hadn’t crossed paths for the next several days, until breakfast the morning of
Erwin’s scheduled return. Hange had walked up to Mike and said, “twenty-five on kiss without
sex.”

“What the fuck?” Levi had said, but Hange had only winked and walked away.

That’s how Levi had found out the two of them were betting on his sex life. No wonder they had
both been annoyed when Levi had told them nothing had happened in Mitras. Judging by the way
Mike was sniffing him now, his fresh bet was on considerably more happening than just a kiss.

“Creep,” Levi muttered, stepping even further away from him.

A carriage began to roll up the driveway. Levi folded his arms over his chest, attempting to look
bored and casual. The carriage stopped, and the door opened. A large boot settled on the step, then
Erwin stood tall.

Levi watched him for a flicker of joy, or any little recognition that things were different between
them, but Erwin’s face was hawk-like, all business.

“We have much to discuss,” he said, nodding at each of them in turn.

Levi wasn’t sure why he had expected anything else. A little snuggling in a hotel room wasn’t
going to change his public face—it never had before.

As they walked to Erwin’s office, Levi gave him a brief overview of the checkpoint expedition
preparation.

“We should debrief with the others,” Erwin said, nodding at Mike. “Can you gather them?”

Mike nodded and turned down the hallway as Levi and Erwin entered the Commander’s office.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked quietly.

Erwin gave him a polite smile. “I’ll give you an answer later.”

“Got it.” The mask would come off when he was ready. Levi flopped onto a couch and watched as
Erwin examined the papers on his desk.

Once the officers arrived, they spent time going over the checkpoint expedition updates, and then
Erwin updated them on his visit to Mitras and the greater plan for Wall Maria.

“Make sure you keep your schedules clear over the upcoming weeks to handle preparation,” he
said, “and delegate as many tasks to your Executive Officers and Team Leaders as you can. Wall
Maria is of utmost importance, so we all need to be focused.”

“What about capturing more titans?” Hange asked, looking a bit pouty.

“Yes, that will be critical, too.” Erwin pulled out a file and handed it over. “We have a massive
influx of budget—I’m sure Levi must have told you by now that Lord Sahlo passed away and left
us a large portion of his inheritance.”

They all turned to look at Levi, who sank deeper into his seat and shrugged. “Oh. Sahlo’s dead.”

Erwin looked a bit taken aback, but quickly recovered. “Yes. He was murdered last week. Long
story short, the money he left to me drastically increases our available budget. We’re going to
spend part of that on supplies, but the rest will go into weapons. Hange, you mentioned you wanted
to work on spring-loaded spear traps and stronger nets; I’m trusting you to pull this together as
quickly as possible.”
“Of course, sir. We’re already making good progress.” Hange took the file.

“Dita, Mike, Levi: you’ll be taking some of Hange’s planning workload. Dita, you’ll be in charge
of assessing horse fitness and acquiring any supplies we’ll need for them. Mike, you’ll be in charge
of food and weapon supplies. Levi, I want you to evaluate your Special Operations Squad and make
sure you have the best possible people for these missions. I anticipate your squad’s ability to float
through the formation will be critical during the reclamation. As well, you and I will have final say
on the personnel assignments. Pixis and Nile will be deferring to us, and I’ll need your help
judging where each of their regiment’s squads should go.” Erwin lowered his chin, giving them a
determined look. “Together, we will reclaim Wall Maria and ensure the survival of humanity.”

“Sir,” Dita said, saluting, and Mike nodded. Hange was too busy reading the file. Levi watched
Erwin, concerned about what might be going on underneath his composure.

“Dismissed for now,” Erwin said. “Mike, Levi, and Dita, we’ll discuss the squad reassignments
after dinner.”

The others filtered out of the room, but Levi hung back.

“Yes, Levi?” Erwin asked, still using his professional voice.

So he wasn’t ready to lower the mask. Levi nodded. “We’ll talk later.” With all the planning they
had to do, their personal baggage could wait.

That night, Levi finished washing up for bed, then strode back to his bedroom. He paused at the
door, glancing over at Erwin’s room. The cracks around the door were dark; the lights were off. It
wasn’t like him to go to bed this early, so he probably wasn't there, but Levi slipped his key into
the lock anyway and turned the handle, easing the door open. The bed was empty.

As he had suspected, the light was still on in Erwin’s office. He opened the door without knocking.

Erwin’s cheek lay on his desk; his hand still gripped a pen. Levi felt a swell of fondness. He hadn’t
seen Erwin fall asleep at his desk in months. Dumb bastard probably loves every second of this
stress.

He retrieved two blankets and returned to Erwin’s side, draping one over his shoulders. Then, he
plucked the pen out of Erwin’s hand, putting it carefully away. Erwin stirred and mumbled
something unintelligible, then began to snore.

“You’re going to have a sore neck when you wake up,” Levi said, but it seemed best to let him
sleep. If he woke up now, he would probably drink a bunch of tea and keep working.

Levi lay back on the couch, slinging his legs over the armrest, and pulled the second blanket over
himself.

This stress what Erwin lived for, and Levi was going to be at his side every step of the way.

The next few days passed in a blur of paperwork and planning tasks; their time was split between
the upcoming checkpoint expedition and the reclamation itself. Levi floated between the groups,
helping Mike pack blades, gas and signal canisters, then helping Dita decide how many carts to
requisition. The party travelling north during the reclamation would have special equipment needs
in order to weather the brutal cold, so he sent Eld and Oluo up to a factory town north of Trost to
speak with a specialized vendor. The last thing they needed was for the entire operation to fail due
an unexpected equipment malfunction. The success of the reclamation depended on the wall
supply team being in place when the bulk of the military arrived at the gate.

When he wasn’t helping the other officers plan, he worked with his squad, ensuring the revised
teams were operating well as units. As for his Special Operations Squad, in the end, after reviewing
countless files, he stuck with the five who had been with him for some time: Petra, Eld, Oluo,
Gunther, and Anton. Though their selection should have been no surprise to any of his returning
squad members, they celebrated as if he had just granted them lordship.

At night, he stayed in Erwin’s office, intermittently helping him with work and napping on the
couch to keep him company. Aside from the lack of intimacy, it felt like the old days again. A
couple times, he woke to find a jacket or a blanket draped over him, Erwin working quietly at his
desk as if nothing had happened. One night, he fell asleep sitting on the couch, and awoke to find
Erwin curled on his side, his large frame barely fitting on the couch, with his cheek resting on
Levi’s thigh. Levi nested his hand in the golden hair, then drifted back to sleep with a smile on his
face.

The day before the final checkpoint mission, the base was abuzz with excitement. Everyone was
aware that all the hard work they had done until now—all the lives lost, all their retreading of the
same ground dozens of times—was one last push away from their ultimate goal.

Even Levi’s muscles vibrated with energy. He brought two lunches to Erwin’s desk, eager to
repeat their shared lunch ritual one last time before the mission.

“It’s a lovely day outside,” Erwin said with a smile. “Shall we take a more casual lunch and go up
to the tower?”

“Oh. Sure.”

As they sneaked into the abandoned hallway and slipped through the door, Levi tried to guess why
Erwin was taking him up there. Were they finally going to have the long-overdue discussion? The
timing seemed odd, given that they had to focus. Maybe it’s been eating away at him, too, he
thought, heart pounding.

They spread an old sheet across the top of the tower and sat. The sun was bright and warm; birds
flitted around them, and the air smelled of pollen and grass. Levi breathed in and let out a slow
exhale. His muscles buzzed with anxiety.

Erwin pulled off his jacket and set it aside, then rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt. Levi tried
not to stare at the muscled forearms, at the fuzz of hair across them. He wanted to feel those arms
around him, wanted to see them strain as Erwin’s hands tightened into the bedsheets …

“We’re still dancing around everything,” he said aloud without thinking through how out of the
blue it might seem.

Luckily, Erwin must have been thinking about their relationship, too, because he nodded. “We
aren’t even dancing around it so much as avoiding it entirely.”

“Yeah.”

After a pause, Erwin said, “Should we address it now?”

“I guess it depends if it’s going to hurt or not. We’ve got a mission tomorrow, and we’ll have a lot
of planning to do after that for Wall Maria.” Levi tore off a piece of bread and slipped it into his
mouth, thoughtful. When he swallowed, he added, “Though it probably doesn’t matter. Being
heartbroken didn’t distract us or slow us down before.”

“Heartbroken,” Erwin repeated softly, as if considering the word.

“You wouldn’t call it that?”

“I didn’t take the time to put words to it. It makes our separation sound that much worse.”

He looked so solemn that Levi felt the urge to retract what he had said. “Don’t get hung up on one
word.”

“Well, then let me say this: I miss spending my nights with you. And not just sleeping at my desk
while you sleep on a couch or a chair—it’s not the same as sharing a bed. “

That was a good place to start. “Are you planning on sleeping in your bed tonight? I could come
by.”

“Perhaps. I might stay up if I’m too jittery. Regardless, it would be nice to take some time to
ourselves.” Erwin glanced at him. “Maybe we can read a bit more.”

“Yeah. But that last book was getting weird.” Levi remembered the feeling of Erwin beneath him
as they had wrestled for the book, the way his skin had cried out for Erwin’s body heat …

Erwin looked so solemn again that Levi wondered if he had felt the same way. “It was indeed.
We’ll select another one.”

They ate, pausing between bites to discuss outstanding tasks before the next day’s mission .When
they were done, Erwin didn’t make any motion to leave the tower. Instead, he tilted his head back
as if soaking in the sun’s rays. Levi studied his neck: the thick throat, the strong swoop of muscles
on either side, the hollow at the base. He wanted to kiss it, to nuzzle under his chin and feel the
rasp of stubble against his face.

These thoughts couldn’t lead anywhere good. He leaned against the short wall instead, eyes on the
horizon.

For several minutes, they were silent, enjoying the warm sun and each other’s presence.

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly.

Levi felt him staring. He turned. “What?”

The words were soft, Erwin’s jaw barely moving: “When did I become so afraid of my feelings for
you?”

Levi blinked, his lips parting to form a response, but he didn’t know what to say. “What?” he said
finally.

“I caught myself admiring your ear just now.” Erwin leaned forward, staring even more intently. “I
tried to remember the scent of your skin here—” He tapped below his own ear, then ran a finger
down his neck to his collar. “And I found myself deciding to nuzzle you there tonight while we
shared a bed, and I felt a surge of fear.”

Levi’s breaths slid across his parted lips, drying them, but he knew there was no way to moisten
them without using his tongue or biting them, and either would seem provocative in context.
“You’re fucking creepy.”

Erwin smiled. “I am a bit, aren’t I?”

“Talking about smelling my neck—don’t say shit like that. We’re still separated.”

“I know. It just seems that the more I try to ignore these kinds of thoughts, the more prevalent they
become.” He paused. “In the quiet moments between planning, I turn your words over and over in
my mind: what are we? I don’t have an answer, and that terrifies me, because it should be clear.”

Levi finally closed his mouth; he tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. “Maybe it is clear,” he
said, voice rasping. “Maybe that’s what terrifies you.”

Their gaze held.

Levi sat tall and untied his cravat, letting it slide off his neck like water. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Ignoring everything isn’t working, right? These kinds of thoughts are taking over, and you should
be focused? So get it over with.” Levi tilted his head to the side a little. “It’s safer here. If you start
snuffling around my neck in bed, things are going to get out of control. We both know it.” He was
so dizzy that this logic seemed sound.

Erwin’s voice was reluctant: “We’re still separated.”

“Yeah, I know.”

After an excruciating moment, Erwin moved slowly toward Levi, as if approaching a stray cat that
might spook. He sat cross-legged in front of him, their knees almost touching.

“If we cross this line—” Erwin began.

“We’ve crossed a shitload already,” Levi said. “It’s just one more.”

A broad hand reached out, the thumb grazing the skin under Levi’s ear. He took in a sharp breath;
it shuddered as he let it out.

“I knew touch would be our undoing.” Erwin’s eyes were glazed, and the words were weightless,
as if he wasn’t aware he was speaking. “Once I started touching you again, l couldn’t stop.”

“We haven’t undone anything yet.”

Erwin leaned forward, hovering millimetres from the skin under Levi’s ear, and breathed in, but it
was the exhale that undid Levi: warm, damp and fluttering. His toes curled in his boots, his hands
tightening into fists. In that moment, with Erwin’s breath hot against his ear, he would have
crossed every line for him.

“You smell clean,” Erwin whispered. “You always smell clean.” The tip of his nose drifted down
the length of Levi’s neck.

Levi couldn’t speak, and he knew his breaths were probably ragged, but he had lost control over
them.

Erwin began to pull away, but instead of pulling away entirely, their foreheads rested gently against
each other. His breath was hot on Levi’s lips, the taste familiar and enticing.

“Levi.”

His name—he loved the way Erwin said his name, breathless and rumbling all at once. He cupped
the back of Erwin’s neck, felt him mirror the motion. The tips of their noses grazed each other, and
warm, damp air filled the tiny space between their mouths.

“What are we doing, Levi?” The whisper skimmed Levi’s lips, and fingers tightened around the
back of his neck. He wanted to lunge forward into the broad lips. He wanted to lay flat against him,
to roll, to feel their weight on each other, to disappear into each other.

Instead, he slowly moved his lips forward, turning a skim into a graze, the faintest whisper of a
kiss, then retracting it. His mind was alight. Every muscle tingled. Neither of them moved, but the
breaths sped up between their mouths.

“Levi … ” This time, Erwin closed the gap, the graze a little longer, tentative, as if feeling his way
along a wall in a dark room.

Levi was afraid to reply, afraid to say anything that might break the spell between them. Their
noses rolled together, just barely, and this kiss was firmer, but still slow, still tentative.

“We should stop,” Erwin breathed; his free hand rose to Levi’s chin, thumb tracing his lower lip,
coaxing it open a crack. Their heads barely tilted, their lips melding together. This was a proper
kiss, but still shy.

Then they both broke the kiss, their foreheads still pressed together. Levi closed his eyes and felt
the world revolve around them.

The clock tower in town square rang once.

“You have a meeting to get to,” Erwin whispered.

“They can wait.” Levi leaned forward to kiss him again, but Erwin pulled away.

They stared at each other, still breathing hard, as their hands dropped away from each other. The
breeze was cold between them, and Levi’s neck was damp and bare. He had never felt so exposed.

“There’s no going back now,” Erwin said, “is there?”

“There was never any going back.” Levi stood; his knees felt weak, but they held. “You coming?”

Erwin gave him a polite smile. “In a minute. I need a moment with my thoughts.”

Levi searched his eyes for a moment, then shrugged, overcompensating for his drumming heart.
He tied his cravat in place. Even with the caress of the fabric against his neck, the only thing he
could feel there was Erwin’s nose.

Focus. He threw open the trap door and stepped onto the ladder.

“Levi,” Erwin said softly.

He stopped, trying to ignore the onslaught of thoughts: he regrets this, he’s going to ask to step
back again—

“Do you still want to come by tonight?” Erwin looked insecure, almost boyish.
Levi felt a swell of relief. “Yeah, of course.”

“We should talk more about … everything.”

“Probably, yeah.”

Their eyes held for a moment longer. Then Levi climbed down the ladder, trying to focus on the
upcoming meeting even though his heart was still pounding.

Squad Levi had been fundamentally unchanged for months, and was still considered the Survey
Corps’ most elite soldiers, but they would be critical players in the reclamation expedition, so Levi
had increased the intensity of their training regimen to push his squad even harder. As he watched
the soldiers spar, he was already noting a marked improvement in their conditioning, particularly
the power of their snapping movements. Perhaps he would suggest similar alterations to the other
Squad Leaders. They would need every advantage they could get if they were to succeed in
retaking the wall.

They were just wrapping up for the day when Petra approached him. “Captain.” She saluted. He
wondered why she was always so formal around him; weren’t they friends by now?

“What is it?” he asked, returning his gaze to Oluo, who was throwing blades at a target.

“I was wondering if you might have a moment to talk after dinner.” She shifted her weight to one
foot. “Maybe we could meet and go for a walk?”

“Something wrong?” he asked, hoping it was nothing embarrassing. His old squad member Sonya
had once tried to talk to him about a menstrual issue, and it had been one of the most
uncomfortable conversations of his life. Hange had chided him afterwards— it’s perfectly natural
— and then he had felt both uncomfortable and ashamed.

“Not really wrong,” Petra said, and Levi let out the breath he had been holding. “It’s just something
I need to talk about.”

He scanned her squad mates. Eld and Gunther had their backs half-turned to them, as if trying to
pretend they weren’t listening. Anton seemed to be studying the fabric covering a target dummy
with great interest. Only Oluo was acting naturally, but he seemed angry, launching blades at the
target with unusual zeal.

I see. Levi had really been hoping Petra’s feelings for him were platonic, but if not, then this
conversation needed to happen.

“Okay, Petra. We’ll talk. I’ll meet you in the yard at seven.”

“Thank you, sir.” She saluted again, face beet red.

Levi gave a low sigh as she walked away.

He grabbed two dinner trays and brought them to Erwin’s office, where the officers would be
meeting for a mission briefing. He found Dita, Mike, and Hange sitting on the couches, trays
balanced on their laps. Erwin’s seat was empty.

Levi set the second tray on the desk. “Where’s Erwin?”

“Downtown meeting with a merchant. He’ll be back in about ten minutes,” Hange said. “What’s
wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You look even more sour than usual. What’s going on?”

Levi flopped to a seat on the couch with an irritable huff. “Petra wants to talk to me after dinner.”

“Oh,” Hange said, drawing out the word. Mike chuckled. Dita looked confused.

“Knock it off,” Levi said.

“Did I miss something?” Dita asked.

Hange leaned forward, eyes gleaming. “She’s going to confess her love for him.”

“What? I thought everyone knew he wasn’t interested in women.”

“Apparently not. I don’t know how she can watch him all the time and somehow miss him
mooning over Erwin, but—”

“Shut up,” Levi growled, already beginning to panic.

Mike stood and then knelt in front of him. Levi’s lip curled.

“The hell are you doing?”

“Helping out poor Petra,” Mike said. “You suck at communicating these things.”

“I communicate fine.”

“You’re going to put your hands on her shoulders, like this.” He put his hands on Levi’s shoulders.
“You’re going to look her in the eye and say, very clearly, ‘Petra, I’m gay.’”

The other officers chuckled; Levi looked away. “Get your giant ham-hands off me.”

“Say it exactly like that.”

“I’ve already told her—”

“You’ve told her a bunch of bullshit no one could understand. You have to be upfront about it. And
when you finish that conversation, you’re going to go to Erwin, and you’re going to put your hands
on his shoulders, like this—”

“If you can reach them,” Hange said.

“Shut up,” Levi said.

“—and,” Mike continued, “you’re going to look him in the eye—”

“If you can—” Hange said.

“Fuck off,” Levi snapped.

“—and tell him, ‘Erwin, I’m gay.’”

Hange laughed. “He already knows that. Tell him, ‘I want to go to your bedroom and have weird,
cravat-biting sex with you.’”

Levi knocked Mike’s arms away and shifted to a different cushion, trying to get away from them.
“You two are fucking assholes. Dita’s probably thinking we’re all idiots.”

Dita chuckled. “Actually, Captain, it’s nice to—”

The door opened, and Erwin strode through. Dita immediately fell silent, but Hange was still
snickering.

“Did I miss something funny?” Erwin asked, sitting at his desk.

Levi scowled. “Just Hange and Mike and their shitty sense of humour.”

“I see.” Erwin took a sip of his stew, then grimaced. He poked at it. “Did they run out of salt and
pepper in the kitchen again?”

“At least it’s not trail rations.”

“True.” Erwin pulled out a file. “Shall we begin?”

As they went through the mission parameters for what felt like the hundredth time, Levi’s eyes
drifted to Erwin’s mouth. The kisses they had shared atop the tower felt as if they had happened in
another lifetime, in a dream. He tried to picture how Erwin would react if he took Mike and
Hange’s suggestion, and could only come up with a blank expression.

After dinner, he rose with the other officers, ready to leave.

“Levi,” Erwin said. “Wait.”

He stopped and turned. The door closed behind him. “What?”

“Will you still be joining me tonight?”

“I already said I would.”

“I picked out a new book. I think it’ll be more comfortable to read than the last one. I thought
maybe we could do the final rounds together, then—”

“I’ve gotta talk to Petra first.”

Erwin sat tall. “Oh?”

“She wants to talk about something.” He paused. “Mike and Hange think she’s going to confess
she has feelings for me.”

“I see.” Erwin’s throat bobbed. Levi squinted at him. Does he really think I might be bisexual? I
thought Mike was full of shit. “ You know I’m not interested, right?”

Erwin gave his impossible-to-read polite smile. “But if you were—”

“I’m not.”

“—it would be understandable. I’ve seen the way she looks at you; she cares for you a great deal. I
wouldn’t blame you for wanting to be with someone who wasn’t afraid to get close to you.”
“Did you put on your bolo tie too tight?” Mike’s idea wasn’t seeming so overblown now. Levi
folded his arms over his chest. “Look, I like Petra a lot. Care for her, even. But I’m interested in
men, period. In one man.” The mood was so intense that he added dryly, “And maybe that
bartender we had in Mitras that one time.”

Erwin smiled. “Ah, yes. The sharp-tongued fellow with the moustache.”

“Only if he shaved that thing, though.”

“Pity—the moustache was part of his charm.”

The mood had lightened so much that Levi hated to bring it down again. Their eyes held as he tried
to figure out what to say.

Erwin looked down at the papers on his desk. “Petra will be waiting for you. I’m very serious:
don’t be afraid to—”

“Stop trying to pawn me off on her.” Frustration welled within Levi. Why the hell do you make
yourself so difficult to love? He turned on his heel and marched for the door. “I’ll come find you in
a bit.”

As he strode through the building, the frustration drained from him, and ice began to form in his
stomach. He wasn’t good at emotional discussions. Erwin was the only person he had ever really
been able to speak directly with about his feelings, and lately, even that was difficult.

Petra was leaning against a tree, hugging her chest. When she saw him, she stood to her full height
and gave him a shy smile. “Captain. Thank you for coming.”

“Yeah.” He stopped in front of her. “Nice night.” The sky was cloudy, but the air was warm.

“I thought we might go on a walk through the park.”

“Petra—” he said, trying to find the courage to be blunt.

“Please,” she said softly. “It won’t take long.”

They strode side-by-side through the park. The two of them had gone for many walks together, but
usually on missions—Levi often scheduled their watches to coincide, because he enjoyed her
company. He glanced at her and found himself wondering how simple this would be if he wasn’t
gay. She was cute, and they were almost the same height; he had never had a partner as short as
him before. Her kind expression was likely a pleasant contrast to his perpetual scowl. She was
sweet, caring, and a competent warrior.

She glanced at him, her eyes shining, and he felt his breath catch. When she looked at him, he felt
wanted. Needed. When was the last time Erwin had looked at him that honestly? When had
anyone? Not since Isabel—but no, she had looked at him as a girl, as a little sister. Petra was
looking at him as a woman.

Petra stopped at a bench and sat, muttering to herself about how it should be a good place to talk.
He sat beside her, leaving a small gap.

“Okay.” She shifted so she was half-facing him, looking him in the eye. “This is really stupid,
Captain, and I’m sorry for wasting your time, but please listen. From the moment I first met you, I
could tell there was something special about you.”
Levi felt his heart flutter in his throat. “Special?”

“You have this spark about you, this drive to fight for survival at all costs. I could tell immediately
you were the type of man I wanted to dedicate my life to.”

“When I took you hostage?” His brows furrowed.

“Oh. Right, but—I guess after that—” Her eyes closed, and she took a shaky breath. “I love
working for you. With you. I love that you’ve picked me to be on your Special Operations Squad
for the most important mission humanity will ever undertake.”

“Well, you were already on my squad,” he said. “That shouldn’t have been a surprise. You’re one
of the strongest soldiers in our entire regiment.”

She gave him a shy smile and looked down. “Thank you, sir. I just … The upcoming two missions
seem so final, you know? We’re on the cusp of humanity’s greatest counterattack. And it’s got me
thinking a lot about what I did and didn’t do in my life. We all know the odds. We all know there’s
a good chance we won’t come back. I don’t want to leave anything unsaid if … ” She paused. “If
the worst happens to one of us.”

At the words, panic seized his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. He saw Isabel’s severed head, with its
staring, dead eyes … Big brother … Now he could see Petra staring at him the same way— No,
he had to stop associating the two of them. They weren’t the same person. He struggled to keep the
memory buried, where it belonged.

“Captain,” Petra said, and then she hesitated. Her face screwed up with resolve. “No: Levi. There’s
something I need to tell you.”

He snapped back to himself. “I’m gay.”

She blinked at him. “What?”

She looked so bewildered that he wondered if she wasn’t interested in him after all. “Mike and
Hange said I should tell you.”

Petra’s eyes narrowed as if she were struggling to comprehend him. “You’re gay. Really? I—” Her
chin wobbled for a moment, and then she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, shit. You’re gay.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, shit.” She gave a distressed sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Oh, shit. You’re
gay. I told my sister—I had all these—oh, shit.”

“I thought everyone knew.” He wasn’t used to his orientation creating this much of a stir. “Eld
knew.”

“Oh, shit, of course he knew. He was trying to tell me, but I thought I was seeing all these signs …
Oh, shit.” She lifted her other hand to her face, hiding behind both. “You must think I’m so stupid.
Just a dumb girl with a crush on the Captain.”

“Petra,” he said, but he wasn’t sure what was appropriate right now. Should he offer her a hug?
Leave her alone?

A tear trailed down her chin, and he had his answer. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a
clean handkerchief.
She accepted it, then turned away and blew her nose. The sound made him jump.

“Look, maybe I haven’t been very clear with you.” He shifted on the bench. “I thought you had
figured out there was someone else.” He paused. “Or there used to be, anyway. It’s complicated.”

She sniffled and dabbed at her face, then turned to face him, her eyes bloodshot. “The person who
gave you the ring?”

How did she know about the ring? “Sort of.”

Her eyes widened with recognition. “The Commander.”

He winced. “Don’t be—”

“I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together until now. You talk about him nonstop.”

“I don’t talk about him.”

“I thought you just looked up to him, but the way you two look at each other—”

“We don’t look at each other.”

“And when he was telling me you had once dreamed of marriage, he looked so sad.” She bowed
her head, and her voice wavered. “Of course. No one would be good enough for you but the Survey
Corps’ best.”

His heart broke for her. He knew a thing or two about how she was feeling. Fuck it. He reached out
and pulled her in for a hug. She buried her nose in his neck and clung to him, her grip tight. In spite
of all her muscle, she was small and soft.

When they pulled apart, her eyes were still damp, but she gave him a kind smile. “I’m sorry,
Captain. I feel like an idiot for dumping all this on you tonight.”

“It’s fine.” He paused. “You can call me Levi.”

She shook her head, looking down. “I think I should stick to Captain.”

“Okay.”

She handed back his handkerchief, then stood and saluted, a determined look on her face. “I want
you to know this doesn’t change anything. I’m going to devote the rest of my life to your
command. I’ll devote myself twice as hard, so you know I’m not just acting out of dumb puppy
love.”

“I never thought that.”

“Well, maybe others did.” Her face softened. “Good luck with the Commander. It sounded like
things were complex.”

“Yeah.”

“I hope it works out. More than anything, I want you to be happy.” Her cheeks were dark, and her
jaw was wobbling again. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

He nodded. “Get some sleep before the expedition tomorrow.”

“Sir.” She saluted, then briskly walked away.

He watched her leave, then let out a low sigh and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

As horrible as he felt for Petra, it felt good to be wanted.

He wanted Erwin to want him the way Petra did. He wanted to recapture the spell they had found
themselves under on the tower. He wanted Erwin to look at him with wonder and helplessness, to
come undone.

He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, pacing toward the base. Just talk to him, he told
himself. Do what Mike and Hange said. Lay it all out for him. Don’t let him push you away until
you get an answer.

He passed a young pair of soldiers frantically making out on a bench; they didn’t notice him in the
dim lamplight. Any other day, he would have given them hell for breaking protocol—more to scare
them into concealing themselves better in the future than out of true discipline—but instead, he
glanced at their clawing hands, their frantic movements. Is that what he and Erwin had looked like,
back when they had been unafraid to give in to lust? He liked to think they had been more
dignified. He felt a grasp of thick fingertips between his shoulder blades, on his ass, and he
shivered.

He could see Erwin’s office window from the court yard; the light was out. His pulse sped. He’s
waiting for me in his bedroom.

Once he was upstairs, he paused at the bedroom door; he could see the lit cracks of lamplight
around it.

Lay it all out for him. Get an answer.

After staring for a moment, he pushed into his own bedroom instead.

He took longer than usual getting ready for bed, taking a bath first. The water was so brisk that it
distracted him, and he focused on his routine. He carefully dried his hair with a towel and parted it.
When there were no more reasons to delay, he pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and trudged to
Erwin’s door. He raised his fist to knock, but decided to open it instead.

Erwin sat in the bed, propped upright by a couple pillows. He looked up at Levi with a placid face.

Levi closed and locked the door, then leaned against it. He searched for his own words, but found
Petra’s instead. “We all know there’s a good chance we won’t come back. I don’t want to leave
anything unsaid.”

He stood there, jaw trembling, desperate for any hint of a sign. But Erwin gave none: his face was
still placid.

“I see,” was all he said.

Levi felt a swell of frustration. Words were getting them nowhere. Fuck it.

He strode across the room, caught Erwin’s jaw and kissed him hard. Their noses mashed together,
and their teeth clashed.

A hand pressed to his chest, pushing him away.

Erwin stared at him, eyes wide and blue, hand still on his chest. Levi heard his own breaths rasping
between them, as ragged and frayed as his confidence. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.

The hand on his chest slowly slid up his collarbone, then his neck, and hooked around the back of
it. Their gaze still hadn’t broken. Erwin’s eyelids were low. He wasn’t pulling away.

Levi leaned in again.

This time, Erwin’s lips were soft. It caught Levi off guard, and he moaned; he heard a catching
breath in response. He leaned into the kiss, one knee on the bed. The soft lips parted beneath him,
and then their tongues slid together, gently at first, but then the hand at his nape grabbed his hair,
pulling him in closer. Oh, fuck. He could feel Erwin probing deep into his mouth, and that was
when he realized six months’ worth of tension was about to consume them.

Without breaking the kiss, he threw a leg over Erwin’s body, grinding into his lap over the covers.
The hand in his hair tightened, and he heard a low growl. The hips began to counterthrust beneath
him.

This blanket is too thick. Levi pulled away to move it.

Erwin seized the opening; he caught Levi’s ass with his free hand and rolled, pinning him to the
bed with a deep kiss. He freed himself from the blanket and lay on top of Levi, grinding him into
the bed. So good, his weight felt so good, his movements surprisingly rough. Levi clawed into his
shoulder blades, writhing against him. He wants me. He wants me … He wrapped his legs around
Erwin’s hips, arching up against him. Erwin ground hard into him, so violently that Levi was afraid
they were both going to orgasm before they even had their pants off. Then Erwin was kissing his
neck, his collarbone, nuzzling beneath his chin. He was sucking hard. Too hard. It hurt. It felt so
good.

Then he pulled away—leaving Levi gasping and dazed—and whispered fuck as he tugged at Levi’s
waistband. He tugged the pants off Levi’s hips, down his legs, then cast them onto the floor.

Closer. Levi reached for Erwin’s waistband, too, but the angle was too awkward. He shoved hard
to roll him onto his back and yanked the pants off, then dropped on top of him, kissing him again.
Hands clamped over his ass, then they were grinding again, skin to skin, so hard that it was almost
abrasive.

Levi jerked his head back to moan loudly—the assassination attempt last year had proven this area
was soundproof, anyway, so why hide it? Erwin cried out, too, his hands tightening. Levi looked
down to see Erwin staring at him. Blond hair hung in his eyes, and his abdomen was clenched so
tightly that he was vibrating.

Levi wanted that energy inside him. “Fuck me,” he growled.

Erwin gasped, “Okay.”

Levi broke out of his grasp and reached for the bedside table, yanking open the drawer. There was
still a bottle of oil here—nearly empty—as well as several toys.

“Shit,” he whispered to himself, imagining Erwin using them during their separation— No, he
couldn’t let his head go there. He needed to rush into this, or he might think his way out of it. His
hand closed over the bottle and he slammed the drawer shut.

Erwin took the oil from him, giving him the look he gave his political opponents, the intense one
that was almost intimidating.
Stare me down, thought Levi, meeting him head on. Possess me. He needed to be Erwin’s. He
needed Erwin to be his.

“Lie on your stomach.” The words were soft and commanding; they ran down Levi’s spine and
glowed deep inside him. He lay face-down.

Broad, strong hands gripped his hips. Levi felt teeth nip a little too hard at his ass, and he was
about to complain, but then he felt Erwin’s tongue.

“Fuck!” He grabbed the pillow and bit into it, thrusting his hips back against that aggressive
tongue. He cursed again, over and over. Erwin was making long, pleased hums that vibrated
through him. His tongue began to probe deeper, and then there was a drizzle of oil and a finger.

Levi had forgotten how thick Erwin’s fingers were. Sweat rolled down his temple, and he tried to
buck back against him to take him deeper, but a strong hand pressed into his lower back to hold
him still. Erwin knew exactly where to touch him, and he felt himself steadily beginning to rise. He
was just starting to worry about tipping over the edge when Erwin stopped and slowly pulled out.

“Roll over.” It was that same soft, commanding tone.

Levi clumsily rolled onto his back. Erwin was on his knees beside him, coating himself with oil.
Levi’s eyes drifted down his body and rested on his moving hand. He could see the swollen tip and
protruding veins, and he felt himself throb. He wants me. He wants me so badly …

He grabbed Erwin’s shoulders and pulled him down. Their lips met again, and Levi wrapped his
arms and legs around him, ready to take him in. Pain shot through him. It had been a long time. He
threw his head back, teeth clenched.

Erwin eased up. “Is it too—”

“Keep going.” They couldn’t stop to talk; the spell might break.

“Remember to breathe.”

Levi realized he had been holding his breath. He took several breaths. “Deeper! I need you
deeper.”

It was slow, at first, and then all at once. Finally, finally, after so many weeks apart, they were one.

“Fuck!” Levi clawed Erwin’s back, arching against him. So good, so good, it’s so good. He could
feel his shape so perfectly. He had forgotten the intensity of these sensations, how intimate it felt to
share this with the only man who had ever had access to the deepest parts of him.

Erwin bit into his neck and rocked into him hard. Levi cried out, high-pitched, carried away by the
pleasantly burning stretch, the body weight on top of him. He raked flesh, deeper and deeper, until
Erwin yelped. The movement stopped.

Levi opened his eyes, breathing hard. Erwin was looking down at him with the same expression he
wore when he was looking down at a map.

“You’re getting violent,” Erwin said, and he didn't sound like he was complaining.

Levi arched against him. “Come on. Keep going. I need it hard.”

Erwin gasped and grabbed Levi’s wrists, pinning them above his head with one hand. Levi weakly
tried to pull himself free, but he was too distracted to fight back.

“Should I let go?” Erwin bent down and sucked the skin of his neck, sliding it between his teeth.

“Don’t stop.”

“I know you don’t like being confined.”

Levi cried out and squirmed, desperate for him to keep moving. “Fuck. Don’t stop!”

Then Erwin was moving inside him again and sucking at the skin under his ear.

Levi writhed, feeling the body weight, the confining grip, the relentless driving hips. Every hair on
his body stood on end. All he had wanted was a quick, thoughtless fuck, but this, in all its strange
violence, all its strange give-and-take of power, was something deeper. It was months of shared
tension and suffering. It was the evaporation of all the restraints they had strained against. The
more Erwin confined him, the freer he felt.

He was soaring, too high, but so was Erwin; the mask had flaked away, thrust by thrust, to reveal a
flushed face with damp skin, flared lips and clenched teeth. Blond strings of hair flopped against
his face in time with the slapping skin, and the veins of his neck and arms were bulging.

“Oh shit.” Levi writhed against the bed, tossing his head back. He was getting close, but he needed
friction to finish. He let out a frustrated wail, trying to tug his wrists free.

Erwin released him, and Levi grabbed himself, pumping hard with one hand. He clawed into blond
hair with the other, pulling Erwin down for a deep kiss. The kiss was deep, wet and sloppy; he
cried out into it, feeling himself starting to rise. His legs wrapped hard around Erwin, his hips
lifting off the bed—

He came with a wail, clawing hard into Erwin’s skin, writhing and shuddering. He felt Erwin drive
into him with that familiar instinctive rhythm, heard his gasps rise, then felt him shudder and slam,
again and again.

Then the world was still as they held each other.

After a moment, Erwin pulled out and collapsed at his side, breathing hard.

Levi’s heart pounded in his throat. Was Erwin going to fall apart, the way he always had near the
end? Would he look at Levi with regret, or love? He finally gathered enough courage and sat up.

Erwin’s face was slack, eyes closed.

He’s fucking sleeping. Typical. Levi tried to feel annoyed, but only felt a swell of fondness. He
found clean handkerchiefs and mopped himself up, trying not to wonder if this was going to screw
up everything between them. The best course of action was probably to go back to his room and
pretend this had never happened. They had an expedition tomorrow, and Erwin was clearly too
tired for a relationship talk.

He grabbed his pyjama bottoms and shook them out, ready to put them on.

“Levi,” rasped Erwin.

He turned. Erwin’s eyes were only open a crack, but his face was gentle.

“Yeah?”
“Stay.” A slow blink. “If you want.”

“If I stay, we have to figure out what the hell we are.”

“Or,” Erwin said softly, “we can just fall asleep.”

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then pulled off his pants again and folded them, setting them on
the bedside table. He tugged the covers free so he could drape them over Erwin, then crawled
under them on the other side of the bed.

“Probably good we blew off steam,” he said quietly. “We’ve been all tense and weird lately.”

Erwin rolled over and pulled him in. His nose nuzzled the back of Levi’s ear. “Levi.”

Maybe it was the hot breath near his ear, or maybe it was the name itself: Levi shivered. “Yeah?”

“You were right when you said there was never any going back. Not for us.”

“Maybe.” He laced their hands together. “Go to sleep. It’s a big day tomorrow.”

Erwin’s voice was dreamy. “I’ll give you Wall Maria, Levi. I’ll give you everything you deserve.
We’re close. We’re so close.”

Levi reached over to turn out the lamp, then snuggled back into his arms.

Erwin awoke the next morning to find his Captain in his arms. Soft breaths fluttered across his
collarbone. His heart pounded as he was suddenly wide awake. We slept together …

The morning bell began to ring. Levi jolted upright, then turned to look at him. Recognition set in,
and his brow furrowed.

Erwin’s eyes drifted down to the purple marks across Levi’s lower neck and shoulders. “I suppose
we have an expedition to begin.”

Levi nodded. “Yeah.”

“We’ll speak tonight, after we’ve settled in at the third checkpoint.”

“Sure.” Levi hesitated. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to kiss you right now, or if we were just
blowing off steam last night, or what.”

Erwin knew he was playing with fire, but he leaned in and kissed Levi anyway. Levi melted into
the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck.

“We should go before this gets out of control,” Erwin whispered into his lips.

“Yeah.”

They kissed once more, then pulled apart.

Only Mike and Moblit were in the baths when they arrived. Moblit’s gaze drifted to the love bites
around Levi’s neck, and his eyes widened.

Mike, meanwhile, sniffed the air, and then a leer began to stretch across his face.
“Don’t,” Levi warned.

“Hange owes me fifty.”

“Fifty?” Moblit asked.

“Yeah. Last night we went double or nothing. My bet was that they’d hook up before the
expedition today.”

“This isn’t the time to discuss it. The others will be here soon.” Erwin sank into the bath, then
sucked in air through his teeth as water hit his back. He had forgotten Levi had raked it up.

“Are you okay, sir?” Moblit asked.

Erwin tried to sink lower to hide the scratches, but Mike pursed his lips and grabbed his shoulder,
turning him.

“Holy hell, Levi.”

“We were blowing off steam,” Levi said, a little too defensively.

Erwin cleared his throat. “We’re about to embark on the penultimate mission of humanity’s
greatest conquest. Perhaps we should shift the conversation away from sex.”

“Sure,” Mike said, “but anyone who sees those scratches and those love bites side by side is going
to put two and two together.”

“Love bites?” Levi covered his neck with his hands and narrowed his eyes at Erwin. “You gave me
fucking hickeys?”

“I’ll finish up here and leave before anyone else notices,” Erwin said, quickly soaping down.

When he returned to his room, he checked his back in the mirror, and he frowned. It looked like he
had been rolling around shirtless in bramble like a horse on grass. A few scratches had been deep
enough to draw blood, and he wondered if he was going to get bloodstains on his dress shirt. A
shiver rippled through him again as he recalled how feral Levi had been, how utterly he had given
up control.

Focus.

He quickly dressed, then styled his hair.

The dining hall was abuzz with the usual pre-expedition jitters. It had been so long since they’d
had major losses that the majority of soldiers seemed to have forgotten the horrors that awaited
them on the other side of the Wall. Their optimism was good for morale, but they needed to
remember to be cautious.

Erwin stood at the front of the hall. “Your attention, please.”

Several groups quietened down, but a few others were still tittering and chatting.

“Hey,” Levi yelled from the officer’s table. “Listen up, brats.”

The room fell silent.

“Today,” boomed Erwin, “the Survey Corps will embark on the 56th expedition outside the walls.
When we return to this base, the path to Wall Maria will be fully stocked with supply caches and
checkpoints, and humanity will be ready to launch its counterattack. The titans have long seemed
an insurmountable foe, but we are on the cusp of proving humanity is stronger. Today, we fight for
our fallen comrades, who gave their lives so this expedition could be possible. Today, we fight for
humanity!”

The soldiers roared and stood, saluting. He glowed as he took his seat next to Levi.

Hange leaned across the table. “I hear I owe Mike some money.”

Levi let out an irritated huff. “Focus on the mission, shitgoggles.”

“The Southern 104th Trainee Squad is in town for wall training while they wait for their official
deployment,” Dita said, changing the subject. “They’ll be watching us set out.”

“Is it that time of the year already?” Hange asked. “You want us to give them the usual spectacle,
Erwin? Show off the Survey Corps a little as we head out?”

“No,” he said, poking at his food. “It doesn’t matter where they end up this year; all three branches
will be supplying soldiers for the reclamation effort. I don’t want anyone wasting valuable energy
showing off for them. We need to conserve all our strength for the upcoming mission. Stay in
formation, eyes forward.”

“That’s no fun,” Hange muttered.

Levi leaned in close to him. “Eat something.”

Erwin slid his food around the plate. He always found it difficult to eat the morning before an
expedition, especially one this important.

“Sir.” Nifa rushed up to him and saluted.

“What is it, Nifa?”

“A Garrison soldier just approached us with a message. Titan activity is higher than usual outside
the Wall. They’re doing their best to thin their numbers with cannons, but our support squads may
have their hands full.”

“Thanks for the message, Nifa.” He looked up at his officers. “We’re going to keep the formation
tight while we travel through the active area. Mike and Levi, your best teams will assist the support
squads. Above all else, we must protect the supply carts.”

Of all the days for the titans to be restless, it had to be the day of this expedition. He tried to hold
on to optimism. Better now than during the reclamation effort.

The instant they left the walls, Erwin discovered the true gravity of the Garrison’s warning. Titans
swarmed the support squads by the dozen.

“Advance,” he roared as the squads around him began to falter, distracted by the activity at their
flanks. The titans had been relatively quiet in this area for the past year, so the bulk of his soldiers
didn’t remember the old days, when they had to fight their way out of the city like this every single
expedition.
The city gave way to grasslands. This was normally where Erwin would deploy the Long-Range
Scouting Formation, but their path would bring them through one more abandoned city within
about an hour, and his instincts told him to wait. If titans were restless there, too, then the
formation would be spreading them too thin, leaving the centre columns vulnerable.

Even the grasslands were swarming with titans; he redirected the formation to avoid several, and
the support squads handled the rest.

His suspicions proved to be accurate when they began to ride through the abandoned city: it, too,
was crawling with titans. Red flares began to go up not just from the flanks, but from the centre
columns, too. What the hell is going on?

“ Erwin.” Levi rode up beside him, his Special Operations Squad riding in a V shape behind him.
“The formation is falling apart.”

The southwestern front had the most red flares. Erwin’s eyes narrowed, and he pointed. “We’re
going to stand our ground and try to fix this.”

“Really?” Levi said, dubious.

“We’re not just laying a path for the reclamation effort—we’re clearing it. There’s no point getting
supplies to our destination if the Garrison and MP troops are going to die within an hour of the
wall. Go.” He fired a white flare vertically, signalling to all teams to stand their ground.

“All squads,” he hollered, “engage the enemy.”

“Petra, Anton,” Levi barked. “Come with me. Eld, Gunther, Oluo: assist the scouting squad in the
western flank.”

“Sir!” his squad barked, and they rode off.

“What about us, sir?” Pehr asked.

A suspicion began to crawl up the back of Erwin’s throat. He scanned the horizon and found a
clock tower. “Pehr, track down Mike and find out if there’s a pattern to the titan movements. I’m
going up to the clock tower to survey the area.”

He galloped hard toward the clock tower, then launched out of his saddle, sinking a grapple as far
up the tower as he could. He used several cable grapples, trying to conserve his gas, and landed on
the top. He sank to a crouch on the tiled roof, scanning their surroundings. From the vantage point,
he could see most of the battlefield. Though his soldiers were engaged in heavy combat, they
appeared to be holding their ground well—keeping the formation tight had been the right call.

But when he looked north of the town, he saw hundreds of titans moving north.

Toward Trost.

His gaze snapped south, and he saw the same pattern.

His heart sank.

When Pehr joined him on the tower a few minutes later, he could tell by the man’s pale face that
his suspicions had been confirmed.

“Mike said they were heading toward Trost, didn’t they?” Erwin said.
“Yes, sir.”

His eyes closed as he steadied himself. The only reasonable assumption was that the titans were
staging another attack on Wall Rose. Trost was in peril. If they rode at full speed and ignored the
titans around them, they might be able to make it back to town in less than an hour. If his
assumption was correct, could the Garrison hold off an onslaught for that long? Wall Maria had
fallen even with the Survey Corps present …

He stood tall, his eyes snapping open. “Spread a message to each of the Team Leaders: we’re
retreating to Trost. Tell them to expect hostiles, maybe even all the way into the city. We’ll rally in
the grasslands and fall into attack formation.”

Pehr’s eyes were round. “Sir, you don’t mean—”

“Go.” He fired a green flare north. Green flares went up from every part of the formation except
the southwest. That will be where Levi is. He hopped off the edge of the building, using his gas and
grapples to quickly glide down to his horse.

He began to ride southwest; two of his navigators fell in behind him. He thought about sending
them away, then decided he didn’t want to be caught alone if he rounded a corner and chanced
upon a titan.

I need to find him. There is no counterattack without Levi’s strength. Where is he?

He burst into an alley, then slowed the horse. Levi and Petra were kneeling beside a corpse. Was
that Anton? No wonder Levi had missed the signal flares. He felt a swell of frustration—this was
why soldiers needed to wait until they had reached safety before they started mourning the lost.

“Levi,” he said.

Levi stood and turned to him, face blank.

Erwin halted his horse. “We’re retreating.”

“Retreating? What? We haven’t even reached the border of the city.” Levi’s face darkened; he was
clearly still upset about Anton. “Are the soldiers dying for nothing? You’d better have a good
reason to end the expedition here.”

“They’re after the town,” Erwin said. “They’re moving northwards as a group. It’s just like five
years ago—something’s happening in Trost. They may have broken through the wall.”

“No,” Petra whispered.

Levi cursed. “Petra, go make sure the others rejoin the main group. Head straight for Trost.” He
gave a high-pitched whistle. His horse trotted around the corner.

“You’re the fastest soldier we have,” Erwin said. “Ride ahead. When you reach the gate, fire a
black flare if Trost is under attack, white if not.”

Levi nodded. He mounted his horse and began to sprint north.

Erwin fired another green round north to assess the formation of his soldiers. The responses were
scattered, but the volume looked about right.

Pehr rejoined him outside the city. “Every surviving team is out, sir.”
“How are the casualties looking?”

“Surprisingly few.”

“Good.” Erwin urged the horse to a gallop so they could reclaim their place at the head of the
formation. As they rode through the meadows between the two cities, the formation naturally
corrected itself. By the time they were nearing the wall, the entire regiment was where it should be.

Erwin kept his eyes on the horizon. Even if Trost wasn’t under attack, they would still need to
clear out all this mess. The expedition was ruined either way. That meant pushing the reclamation
of Wall Maria back even further …

In the distance, a black flare went up from the wall.

“Sina, Rose, and Maria,” he cursed under his breath, watching the black smoke fall. Is it just Trost,
or has Wall Rose fallen, too? Despair pooled in his stomach, and he felt himself teetering on the
edge. It would be so easy to let himself fall in … he was so tired …

Instead, he gritted his teeth and drew his sword, thrusting it forward. “Trost is under attack!” he
roared, standing in his saddle. “We won’t let it fall! Dedicate your hearts!”

Around him, he heard blades clicking into place, then cheers and roars.

He felt a swell of pride. This would not break the Survey Corps.

Nothing would break the Survey Corps.

The town outside the gates was thick with titans, but they were all ignoring the soldiers,
stampeding toward Trost. Erwin leaned forward, teeth bared, as the horses barreled toward the
gate.

“All soldiers, prepare for combat!”

But when they reached the gate, a swarm of titans was writhing against it, unable to get through.
Erwin halted the formation. Titans streamed past them, throwing themselves against the writhing
pile.

The gate is fine after all? It’s closed? Levi was nowhere to be seen.

One thing was certain: they weren’t getting through that gate. “All teams,” he boomed, “switch to
3D movement.” He stood on his saddle and leapt, beginning the arduous task of climbing the wall.
He blasted extra gas to speed the ascent, so recklessly that he almost ran out by the time he landed
at the top.

Erwin stood tall, staring down at the city in shock. Around him, other soldiers began to land, and
they, too, were silent.

Trost lay in ruin.

Buildings had been flattened; flames billowed from so many places that the city looked like a
forest of smoke. Titans roamed the streets. Erwin felt a spike of fear as the ruins of Shiganshina
flickered through his memory like a forgotten nightmare; he tasted the ash, smelled the blood …

But no, this was different. Across from them, hundreds of soldiers stood atop Wall Rose, all in a
row, unmoving.
What are they staring at? Erwin scanned the city and spotted Levi with—was that a half-formed
titan? This didn’t make any sense.

Most of the regiment had landed beside him now. He thrust his sword toward the city. “All
soldiers, clear out the remaining titans!”

He swooped down to Levi, carefully using his grapples to help conserve the last of his gas. As he
landed, he saw an unconscious boy on the top of the titan—no, was he melded into the titan?

“Levi.”

Levi turned to him, eyes wide and haunted. Erwin had never seen him so shaken on the battlefield.
He opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but he heard boots land softly behind him. He
turned to see Commander Pixis.

“Commander,” Erwin said, saluting.

Pixis saluted back. “You picked a hell of a time to come back, boys.”

The half-formed titan was beginning to dissipate into steam. Two kids in trainee uniforms, a blond
boy and a dark-haired girl, were trying to pull the boy out of the titan.

“He sealed the gate,” Pixis said, nodding toward a giant boulder blocking the gate—so that was
why the titans had been unable to enter.

“Who did?” Erwin asked.

“Eren Yeager.” Pixis turned to Erwin, his eyes sparkling. “He has the ability to transform into a
titan.”

Levi stepped closer. “Are you drunk, old man?”

“Not one bit. The Colossal Titan reappeared, and just like five years ago, it kicked a hole in the
outer gate. But this time, we had a titan fighting for us.” Pixis pulled out a flask and uncapped it.
“Eren Yeager transformed into a titan and took out more than twenty of them himself, then helped
us plug the hole with a boulder.”

“Holy shit,” Erwin breathed, forgetting he was in polite company. He turned to stare at the
unconscious boy. His body was steaming, and he had what looked like burn marks on his face.

“What are you saying?” Levi demanded.

“He’s saying humanity has just discovered its greatest weapon,” Erwin said, breathless, and he
turned to stare at the boulder. This boy is our answer.

This boy is how we will seal Wall Maria.

There was no time for reflection: boulder or no, the titans still had control of Trost. Cleaning out
the stragglers took until nightfall. Erwin stood atop the wall to guide his soldiers and the Garrison
the best he could with signal flares.

He had hoped to see Eren Yeager’s titan in action, but the boy was still unconscious, and the
Military Police had taken him into custody. His fate was still to be determined; titans had always
been the enemy. There was a good chance the MP would panic and try to execute him.
Erwin would do whatever it took to acquire the boy. Aside from the strength a titan could bring to
their reclamation strategy, his existence opened up a whole world of questions. How did the boy
turn into a titan? Were all titans controlled by people? Were there other titan-people among them,
walking around undetected? Was the boy a defector who had information about their enemy? His
head whirled with possibilities.

By the time darkness fell, the city was clear. Levi landed beside him, wiping steaming blood from
his cheek.

“We got them?”

“Yes,” Erwin said.

Levi glanced at him. “This is fucked up.”

“Indeed.” Erwin paused. “I’m sorry about Anton.”

Levi shrugged. “You couldn’t have foreseen this.”

Before they could speak any further, Pixis’ aide Anka called out behind them: “Commander Erwin.
Commander Pixis wishes to speak with you.”

“Invite him to my office for a meeting at eight o’clock, along with anyone else who should be
involved in a debrief.”

“Sir.”

Anka and Pixis brought along several Garrison officers who had been involved in the day’s events;
they all looked exhausted and haunted. Even the Survey Corps officers had hollowed eyes and
drawn expressions. Erwin asked Dita to fetch several bottles of liquor and some fine pastries. It
wasn’t much, but it was the least he could do. It wasn’t his fault the Survey Corps had been absent
—in fact, if he had to guess, it hadn’t been a coincidence, either—but he still felt responsible.
Things would have been a lot different with the Survey Corps present.

Fortunately, there had been no civilian losses inside the walls; unfortunately, a large number of
soldiers had died. The final casualty count was still coming in, but the losses to the Trainee Corps
and the Garrison had been catastrophic.

Once they had finished exchanging information, everyone left except Levi, and Pixis, who he
asked Anka to wait for him in the hall.

“Erwin,” he said, “you need to move fast.”

“Sir?” Erwin asked.

“You’re going to want to acquire the boy, right? Nile is going to panic and execute him, and the
lords are going to panic and agree.”

Erwin’s heart beat in his throat; he knew Pixis was correct. “You’re saying we should leave for
Mitras immediately?”

Pixis nodded. “I can try to delay some of our status reports to buy you a few days, but you need to
move immediately.”

“Thank you.”
As he left the room, Erwin turned to Levi. “You’ll accompany me, of course. And Hange should
be there, too.”

“Hange and Moblit have their hands full with the two new titan captives,” Levi said.

“Ah.” Erwin rubbed his eyebrow, considering. “Maybe Moblit can stay behind, then. We need
Hange to examine the boy as soon as possible.”

“We’re going to have a hell of a lot of paperwork.”

“We are. Dita, Nifa, and Pehr might be good candidates to handle that.” Erwin sighed, exhausted.
Not only had their mission failed, but now they had a whole new wave of politics to deal with. He
had been sleep-deprived as it was. “What time is it?”

“Almost midnight.”

“You should eat something.”

Levi studied him. “What will you do?”

“I’ll eat something, too, but I need to get a few things in order before we leave.” He paused. “Levi
—”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Levi studied him. “Our mission comes first.”

I don’t deserve him. Erwin’s throat tightened. He reached out a shaky hand to trace Levi’s jaw,
then withdrew it. “I’ll send for you when I have our travel arrangements ready.”

Levi nodded and slipped from the door.

After not eating much for the entire day, the cold leftover stew was surprisingly tasty. Erwin ate
two entire bowls while he made frantic notes on a pad of paper. His mind was racing. He would
need to do background checks on Eren Yeager and the two friends who had been with him—Berit
had mentioned the three were inseparable, so they might carry important information, too. He
would also need extensive background checks on every other soldier who had been in Trost, but
that would take more time. It couldn’t hurt to do a fresh background check on Dr. Grisha Yeager,
too. Had he known his son was a titan?

The more he planned, the more unknowns he uncovered, and soon he was overwhelmed by the
sheer number of tasks they would need to accomplish within the next few days. Erwin set down his
pen.

He needed a break, and probably some sleep.

He debated whether or not he should track down Levi. It was possible he was overwhelmed and
needed space, especially with Anton’s death. Death of a subordinate always hit him hard. Then
again, Erwin might be able to talk him through it.

He decided to check the guard tower first. Even if Levi wasn’t up there, Erwin might stay for a
little while by himself and try to sort out his whirling thoughts.

He threw open the trap door. The night sky was clear and thick with stars. It was so dark that he
couldn’t tell for sure if Levi was sitting on the ledge or his eyes were playing tricks on him.
“Levi?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

Erwin settled into place next to him. The air smelled of smoke; a few fires still burned in the city.
Even under this thick veil of darkness, it was impossible to pretend the city was unchanged.

“How are you doing?” he asked quietly.

He heard fabric shift beside him. “We’re fucked, aren’t we? The gate is sealed off permanently.
We spent all these years—all these lives—trying to build a supply line to Wall Maria, and in just a
few short minutes, it all got wiped to shit. Can we even get to the supply route from any other
city?”

“Possibly,” Erwin said. “But we’ll need some time to scout a new departure point and figure out
the best path to meet up with the old route.”

“This is fucked. All this time, it was easy to pretend Wall Maria was a fluke, or a one-time thing.
Of course they came for Wall Rose, too. It was just a matter of time, wasn’t it? And here we were,
for five long years, naïvely thinking we had control.”

“Levi.”

“A boulder is all that stood between us and losing Wall Rose. A boulder and a brat who can turn
into a titan.” His breath shook. “Everything’s over, isn’t it? We’ve lost.”

“No, Levi.” Erwin smiled in the darkness. “This isn’t an end, it’s a beginning. Think of what it
means for us to have a titan on our side, one who can tear through other titans like paper, one who
can block off Wall Maria during our reclamation effort. Perhaps we will have to rebuild a portion
of our supply route, but we have a new weapon in our arsenal, one more powerful than any weapon
mankind has ever seen.”

“Assuming it wants to fight with us,” Levi said. “A titan , Erwin. A monster.”

Erwin glanced at him; his eyes had adjusted enough now that he could make out Levi’s silhouette.
“I know another who believed himself to be a monster, but has turned out to be Humanity’s
Strongest.”

Levi scoffed. “That’s different.”

“He’s a boy. He already worked with Pixis. He’ll work with us, too.”

“What makes you so sure?”

Erwin considered. “Do you remember when we spoke with Berit about the 104th Trainee Squad,
and she spoke about Eren Yeager?”

“Not really.”

“She said he was a solid soldier, one with great perseverance and charisma. She mentioned his two
friends, too—they were with him today.”

“The three of them came out of Shiganshina, right?” Levi said, catching Erwin off guard. Levi’s
memory always worked in strange ways, latching onto details his didn’t. “Convenient that he was
at the site of both attacks and he can turn into a titan.”
“We need to question him, of course, and keep an eye on him. The potential benefits to humanity
are too great to ignore.” Erwin thought of his father as he added, “I’ll admit I’m listening to my gut
on this one. He will unlock invaluable knowledge for us, Levi.”

Levi scoffed. “Listen to you, willing to bet everything on a titan brat.”

“His existence gives me hope. Right now, I feel more hope for the future of humanity than I’ve
ever felt. I think you’ll come around, too, in time.”

They were silent for a while, staring at the stars together. A breeze finally broke the stillness. Levi
pressed closer, shivering. Erwin glanced at him, then draped an arm around his shoulders and
pulled him closer.

“I guess Wall Maria’s a ways off yet,” Levi said.

“Certainly longer than we were expecting.” Erwin nuzzled the side of his hair, breathing in the
familiar scent of lemon and natural oils. “I still want us to rebuild our relationship when there’s
time, when we can give it the attention it deserves. But after consideration, I think you’re right: the
titans have always come first, for both of us. That’s why we work.” He closed his eyes, treasuring
their proximity. “We’re already behaving as if we’re back together, anyway.”

“You mean fucking.”

Erwin felt his cheeks warm. “Not just that.”

“Well, we’ve already been rebuilding our relationship in a way, haven’t we?” Levi slid closer,
nestling against his ribcage.

“Yes, I suppose we have.” Aside from some strangeness at the beginning of their separation, they
had only continued to grow closer. Erwin thought of the way they led the Corps together as equals,
the unspoken and unbreakable trust between them, the way they spent every possible moment
together. Somehow, Levi had become more than a partner. He was Erwin’s weakness and his
strength, his flesh and blood, his beating heart.

“Then say it,” Levi said. “Make it official.”

Erwin wanted to, more than anything, but first he had to make sure Levi knew what he was asking.
“First, you have to understand, Levi: the appearance of Eren Yeager changes everything. We may
have to resort to underhanded tactics to acquire him. We may even have to oppose the MP, the
monarchy, and the noble class in ways you never imagined. There’s a good chance my neck will
end up in a noose before we catch sight of Wall Maria again.”

There was a long pause. “What are you planning?”

“That boy must be ours at any cost.” Erwin found his hand; their fingers interlaced. “With any
luck, the Military Police will see reason, but I know Nile: he’ll be cautious. The Wallists, too, are
likely to oppose anything that gets us closer to altering the Wall. The nobles will be on edge
because we came so close to losing Wall Rose, and even the King himself is sure to weigh in.
There are a lot of factors to consider.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Levi said confidently.

“I hope so. When Sahlo was alive, I had a concentrated pressure point for many groups: the
Wallists, the King, the Underground drug lords, and even the Council. Without him at our disposal,
I’m going to have to pressure many groups at once. Fighting a war on multiple fronts is always
risky. We saw it with Sahlo: a single person cannot weave a web without eventually getting
tangled in the threads.” His jaw hardened. He thought of Levi, of the future they had sacrificed. He
thought of Marie, of Henrik, of his father. “Eren Yeager is the culmination of every goal we’ve
been driving towards since we met, the reason for everything we’ve ever lost. He is the key to
saving humanity. I will stop at nothing to acquire him.” He paused. “If I anger the wrong people,
they’re likely to come through you to get to me.”

“Good,” Levi said. “I’ll take them on.”

“Are you sure? You deserve—”

“Shut up. We’re not going through all this again; my answer hasn’t changed. My heart is my own
to offer up. I’ll follow you. If you say we need a titan in our regiment, then we need a titan in our
regiment. I trust you.”

“And I trust you,” Erwin said. “We’ll work together on this, every step of the way.”

“Of course.”

They lounged together, the heat building between them.

“So,” Levi said, “say it.”

Erwin ran his fingers along the back of Levi’s hand. “I don’t really know what to say.”

“You have fancy words for everything.”

He chuckled at the dry delivery. “Fancy words. Very well.” He kissed Levi’s temple as he began to
craft phrases in his mind.

“Well?”

“Give me a moment.” He paused, then sat taller. “Levi, our world is constantly changing; during
the entire six years we’ve known each other, I’ve felt as if the ground is quaking beneath me and
I’m staggering to keep my balance. Everything in our lives is a constant game of reaction, of
adaptation. But there’s been one constant in my life, one man’s loyalty bolstering me whenever I
feared I might lose my balance.” He lay his cheek on the dark hair. “We’re stronger together than
we are apart. Maybe separation was right for a while, but this world is going through the biggest
changes it has ever known, and I don’t want to face them alone. If you agree, I’m ready to try
again.”

Levi was quiet.

Erwin gave him a nudge. “How was that?”

Levi turned and kissed him. It was gentle and chaste, the opposite of the hungry kisses of the night
before. Erwin closed his eyes and leaned into it.

The kiss broke. Their foreheads rested together, and he was surprised to discover how much he had
missed this: the soft pause afterwards, when the kiss was over, but neither was willing to pull apart
yet.

“Our carriage will be arriving soon,” Erwin said softly. “You should get packed.”

“Okay,” Levi said, but he didn’t move. He was shaking.

“Levi?”

“I can’t stop thinking about how fucked everything is.”

“We’ll figure it out. It’s what we do. When has anything ever gone according to plan? By
tomorrow at this time, we’ll have all the information we need to start looking toward Wall Maria
again.” Erwin kissed his forehead. “It’s going to be okay, Levi. When I look to the future, I am
dazzled by its brightness. If a boy can turn into a titan, then who knows what else is possible?”

“Okay, that’s enough with the fancy words for now.” Levi stood. “Be honest with me, Erwin.
Aren’t you a little scared about all this?”

Erwin smiled. “Terrified. But everything good in my life has happened because I took a chance
even though I was scared. Why should this be any different?”

An hour later, Levi settled into the carriage next to Erwin. Erwin’s eyes were glowing in the
lamplight, his lips curved in a soft smile. If he could foresee something amazing coming out of the
day’s events, then that should be good enough for Levi. Erwin’s foresight had never steered them
wrong.

They were silent as the carriage began to move. Levi was tempted to formally consummate their
rekindled relationship, but the day’s events had taken their toll on his stamina. Even Erwin looked
exhausted; he was already nodding and then startling awake.

“Go to sleep.” Levi locked the bed into place and stretched out.

Erwin studied him with bleary eyes. “With you, or over here?”

“We were sharing a bed even before we were officially back together, weren’t we?” Levi slid
against the wall to give him some space.

“We fit better if you’re on the outside.”

“Right.” It had been too long. He was accustomed to putting memories out of his mind, not
embracing them.

But when he slid into Erwin’s arms, it felt as if no time had passed at all. This was familiar. It was
right. Levi settled back against him and his body hummed.

“Doing okay?” Levi asked.

“Mm.” Erwin’s arm tightened around him. “You?”

“I guess.” The day’s events were bringing back a slew of bad memories. Humanity was so fragile
—where would humanity be right now, if Wall Rose had fallen? Would there be another massive
reclamation push with inexperienced bait? Would Sahlo’s paranoia come true, and the people of
the Underground would be massacred?

“Levi,” Erwin whispered.

“What?”

A palm tapped his chest. “I can feel your heart pounding.”

Levi closed his eyes. “I’m not as okay as I’m pretending.”

“If you need space—”

“That’s the last thing I need right now.” Levi was quiet. “I’m thinking about how we weren’t there
to stop this.”

“We took down a lot of titans south of the wall,” Erwin said. “I bet we thinned the influx enough to
unknowingly protect Trost.”

“I guess.” Levi glanced back at him. “Why did you ride out to find me?”

“What?”

“When we were retreating. Why did you take the trouble to find me, when you should have been
leading the retreat?”

Erwin was quiet for a minute, but then he said, “You’re as strong to this regiment as an entire
squad. I needed to make sure you retreated safely. You’re Humanity’s Strongest, Levi. You give
the world hope.”

“Just the world?”

He heard the soft flutter of a laugh. “And me, Levi. You give me hope, more than anything in this
world.”

Levi didn’t realize, until he heard the words, just how miffed he had been that Erwin had found
another source of hope in Eren Yeager. “I guess humanity needs as many weapons as it can get.”

After a long moment, Erwin said quietly, “Levi, I can’t imagine attempting to recapture Wall Maria
without you, whether the boy is on our side or not.”

“Stop trying to read my mind,” Levi muttered, but he snuggled into Erwin’s arms and gave a
satisfied sigh.

He dreamed they stood on the wall, hand in hand, watching a sunrise engulf Trost in red.
 Court
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you for your patience!

Previous chapter: Petra confesses her feelings for Levi. Erwin and Levi's sexual
tension boils over. They head out on the penultimate expedition to reclaim Wall Maria,
but Trost is attacked. Eren Yeager appears. Erwin and Levi rekindle their relationship.

-38-

Court

It was strange to step into the hotel room as lovers reunited—the same room where they had, only
a week earlier, been so unsure about what they were. As Erwin began to unpack their trunk into the
closet, he fondly watched Levi out of the corner of his eye, swabbing sections of the room with two
fingers to check for cleanliness. He felt a warm glow in his chest, and realized he had missed
paying attention to all of Levi’s little quirks and mannerisms. He had spent six months trying to
block them out.

He would have liked to spend a few hours reconnecting, but there was too much to do. First, they
would swing by the Military Police barracks and try to speak with Eren Yeager. After that, they
would head to the Council chambers to discuss what was to be done with the boy.

What was to be done …

His brow furrowed. At worst, Zackly would bow to panic and order the boy’s execution, and that,
at least, still had some value to humanity: his remains could be analyzed. He could push for Hange
to play a role in the dissection; who better to take part? The rewards of enlisting the boy in the
Survey Corps, however, greatly outweighed anything he could do posthumously.

Besides, Erwin wanted to understand how Eren had kept his secret for fifteen long years, how he
had transformed, and why he had waited until now to do so. He wanted to know if the Colossal and
Armoured titans could be humans, too, and if they could be hiding within the walls. How else
could the Colossal have appeared again, when the Survey Corps had headed south from Trost
without seeing it coming? Besides, the attack had been coordinated with intelligence far surpassing
any abnormal they had ever encountered.

If that were the case, there might be others within the walls with the same abilities. Did Sahlo
know any of this? Do the Wallists?

“Room’s clean. Let me do the socks,” Levi said, kneeling in front of the drawer.

“Mm,” Erwin said, still lost in thought.

Levi began to lay the socks in the drawer, re-folding the occasional pair. “Lots to think about.”
“Indeed.” Erwin closed the closet door, then knelt behind Levi as he worked, pressing a kiss to the
back of his neck.

“Hey. No more bite marks.”

“I’ll be gentle.” He tugged the cravat out of the way and pressed a soft kiss to the line down the
centre of Levi’s neck. He had missed nuzzling this line. “Sorry for marking you up.”

“I didn’t stop you.” Levi glanced back at him. “How’s your back?”

“Stings a little, but it should heal fine.” He placed a gentle kiss at the base of Levi’s undercut. “I’d
never seen you that wild.” He looped his arms around Levi, his palms feeling his abdominal
muscles through his shirt.

“You’re one to talk.” The palms slid lower, and Levi sucked in a sharp breath. “Hey. You keep
doing that, we’re not going to leave here anytime soon.”

The idea was tempting, but there wasn’t enough time. Erwin wanted to linger, to reconnect
properly, to give Levi the careful attention he deserved. He pulled away.

“I didn’t really want you to stop,” Levi said. “I was just being difficult.”

“I know, but we should get going anyway. “ Erwin stood, carefully adjusting his pants. “I want to
speak with Eren Yeager before our meeting, if we can.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe we can pick this up again after the meeting?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the narrow lips. He began to pull away, but Levi’s arms
looped around his neck, pulling him in again. Their lips parted, and he felt a soft tongue.

He broke away. “Levi—”

“I know. Let’s go.”

By the time they exited the lobby and reached the street, Erwin’s breaths had finally returned to
their normal cadence. Levi was following on his right side, about half a step behind him. His
mouth was in a tight line. Clearly, he was still uncomfortable about facing Eren Yeager. Erwin
knew he was asking a lot: trusting a titan went against every reasonable human instinct, and Levi
was a man who trusted his instincts above all else.

The front desk clerk greeted them at the Military Police headquarters, and informed them that Nile
was at his desk. As they strode down the hall, Erwin cast a quick glance into the office where
Sahlo had, not long ago, worked a couple days a week. The shelves were bare, the possessions
already gathered for the estate sale. Erwin felt a hollow, echoing space inside him, as empty as the
office. Intelligence, manipulation: all they gained a person meant nothing in the end. Everything
would always be sold to the highest bidder. Would this be his office, after that long-overdue
moment when all his life choices caught up to him?

He didn’t think he had shown any indication of his thoughts, but Levi said bitterly, “You miss
him?”
“Nothing quite that noble, I’m afraid. Just thinking about all my possessions being stripped from
my office when I die.”

He expected a reprimand for mentioning his own death, but Levi only said, “If you go before me,
I’ll clean it myself. And I’ll take care of any sensitive information, too.”

Maybe that’s what the attack on Trost had done to them: death had become less abstract, more
tangible, even for Survey Corps members. Or maybe, this time around, they had started their
relationship with the pragmatic understanding of just how fragile their lives really were. What had,
the first time around, been a subject of great stress between them was now something they could
casually discuss.

We’ve grown together, Erwin thought, reaching out to give a friendly grip to Levi’s shoulder. Even
while we were apart. Maybe even because of it.

They stepped into Nile’s doorway. Nile was sitting at his desk, frantically flipping through
documents.

“Come in.”

He didn’t seem angry. Erwin hoped that meant he was finally forgiven for his apparent flirtation
with Marie, but he knew Nile’s grudges ran long and deep. More likely, he was just distracted.

They closed the door and sat down. Levi was uncharacteristically quiet—no comments about
Nile’s beard or messy office.

“The boy’s still in a coma,” Nile said. “We interviewed his childhood friends, two trainees by the
name of—” He flipped open a file. “Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman.”

Erwin cast Levi a sidelong glance, remembering a strange reaction when Berit had mentioned
Mikasa Ackerman last year, but if Levi felt anything, he didn’t show it.

“They were protective of him,” Nile continued, “especially the girl. The two of them seem to have
a family history—her parents died about six or seven years back, so the Yeager family took her in.
We know a few things for sure: first, Eren Yeager’s mother was killed in the destruction of
Shiganshina, and his father went missing, presumed killed in the incident.”

“Dr. Grisha Yeager,” Erwin said.

Nile eyed him. “You’ve heard of him?”

“He was a prominent doctor during the plague, and he had a reputation around Shiganshina
because of it. On many occasions, he attended to our injuries at the base, and he seemed to be
friends with Keith Shadis.”

Nile nodded. “He was known around here, too. Spent a lot of time treating people in the Capital.
Regardless, he left the kid with a key. His friends weren’t too clear about what it is, but they
seemed to think it was important. The girl got decidedly upset when we confiscated it. Sounds like
Pixis wants to discuss it at the meeting—he developed a bit of a rapport with Eren Yeager and got
some information out of him while they were sealing the hole in Trost.” His lip curled. “Says he
wants all Commanders present for that discussion.”

“I see,” Erwin said, wondering what new piece of the puzzle awaited them.

“Anyway,” Nile said, leaning back in his chair, “the trainees also say Eren Yeager had never
shown signs of being a titan before the attack on Trost.”

“I see,” Erwin said again. “So his power manifested itself for the first time during the attack?”

“Convenient,” Levi muttered.

Nile nodded. “I agree. Convenient that he’d be able to control a power like that right away, at just
the right time to save himself. One of Pixis’ senior soldiers, Rico Brzenska, is writing up a full
report on the incident. We’ll know what happened soon enough, without any bias from his
childhood friends.”

Erwin leaned forward across the table. “Nile, I’m curious about your gut feeling about all this.”

Nile snorted. “Since when do you care about feelings?”

“We rely on them in the field more often than you might think.”

“Fine. I think a titan who infiltrated humanity is a danger—not just in terms of the damage he
might do physically, but in terms of the way he’s polarizing people within the walls. His
appearance could lead to civil unrest. He should be executed and then examined. That way, we
might finally be able to learn something of use about the titans from him. It’s not like your group’s
research is getting us anywhere.”

The snarky tone caught Erwin off guard; his brows rose.

Levi beat him to a response. “What was that, shitbeard?”

Nile turned to Levi, face cold. “You’re on your fourth or fifth captured titan now, and every time,
Erwin comes and delivers us the same story: every titan is a bit different, and the flesh dissolves
before it can be analyzed, and we need more examples to draw firm conclusions. While your
research team was busy playing doctor with your test subjects, we almost lost Wall Rose.” The
dark gaze shifted to Erwin. “I can’t emphasize that enough, Erwin: we almost lost Wall Rose. The
Interior is panicking. If we let the populace believe we’re siding with a titan, there will be anarchy.
Rebellion. And if we turn on our own people, these walls will do nothing to protect humanity from
annihilation. You can pretend the titans are the greatest threat to humanity all you like, but we both
know that’s not true.”

The worst part of Nile talking about the Interior was that he was correct. Tensions between the
different classes were only increasing as resources dwindled, and a mass panic could easily spark a
civil war.

Erwin spent the majority of his time gazing outside the walls; Nile gazed into them. It was why
they worked so well in their respective posts. But gazing inside wasn’t going to protect everyone,
not this time. They needed Wall Maria and the harvest lands. Starvation could easily spark a civil
war, too.

He stood. “Thank you for your time, Commander. We will see you shortly at the meeting.”

Levi stood, too.

Nile looked surprised. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“What do you think we should do with this titan kid?”

“I’ll let you know when I’m sure of that myself.” Erwin nodded a farewell.

Once they were far enough down the hallway to be out of earshot, Levi said, “Well that was
bullshit.”

“What?”

“You know exactly what you want to do with the titan kid.”

Erwin opened the door and let Levi through first. “We have to be flexible. For one thing, Nile’s
concerns about the Interior aren’t unfounded. For another, it sounds like Commander Pixis is
keeping some information up his sleeve for the meeting. But that could be a good thing. If he
wants to make sure I’m present to hear this information, given that he has already built a strong
relationship with the boy, there’s a good chance this information is something that will help us.”
He led Levi down the street to one of their favourite tea shops. “We have a good chance at
succeeding. We just have to play our cards right.”

“We?”

“You will have a very important role to play, Levi, if everything proceeds as I expect. But first, we
need to acquire Eren Yeager, and to do that, he has to consent to join us.”

“He has to wake up first,” Levi said.

“True.”

They had lunch, chatting idly about the upcoming recruiting presentation for the new trainees.

“Do you think anyone’s going to want to join after what they just experienced?” Levi asked. “They
went from being pampered brats to watching their comrades get eaten in less than a day—within
the safety of the walls. That’s even worse than going on a first expedition. I wouldn’t be surprised
if half of them deserted entirely.”

“Not all of the 104th were present for the attack,” Erwin said. “I’m sure it will impact the southern
squad, yes, but it remains to be seen if the other squads will panic. Besides, the attack might fuel
their resolve. The southern squad saw their friends and their city dying in front of them. Maybe
they’ll feel inspired to offer up their hearts to prevent it from happening again.”

“Maybe.”

Levi didn’t look convinced. Neither was Erwin.

As the bells rang eleven, they settled into the Council chambers. It was strange to see them so
empty. Pixis and Anka were present, as well as a woman with white-blond hair and glasses.
Presumably, she was Rico Brzenska.

Across from them sat Nile, a Military Police Captain by the name of Jakob, and a surprise—Berit.
She beamed at Erwin and Levi.

“Is the Commander-in-Chief joining us?” Erwin asked as he took a seat next to Berit.

“No,” Pixis said. “He’s otherwise occupied. He’ll be doing formal sign-off on whatever we
ultimately decide, but he wanted us to see if we could reach an agreement without him.”

“I see.”
“Ideally, Eren would have some hand in the decision about his own fate, but he’s still in a coma.
I’ll let Rico walk us through the events in Trost, then tell you about my discussions with the boy.
Berit is here to speak with us about Eren’s personality and background. Then, we’ll discuss.”

Berit bumped his shoulder. “Glad you boys are still alive and kicking.”

“You, too,” Erwin said with a smile, but before they could continue the conversation, Pixis called
the room to order.

Rico stood and began to dictate the events that had transpired. Trost had fallen shortly after the
Survey Corps had departed. Erwin’s eyes narrowed. They knew about our strength and wanted us
out of the picture. They waited until we were far enough out that we wouldn’t be able to swoop
back in and save Trost.

Rico continued: the military had immediately deployed all available soldiers, including the
southern 104th Trainees Squad, while civilians had been evacuated. The losses had been
devastating and the battle had seemed futile, until a group of the 104th had noticed a titan fighting
against other titans.

“The rogue titan helped them reunite their fragmented squad,” Rico said, “and it was arguably
integral in suppressing the titan attack.”

After the titan had eventually collapsed from exhaustion, Eren Yeager had erupted from the weak
spot of its neck.

Erwin considered. Was this somehow related to all titans having a weak spot in the same location?
He briefly considered that all titans had human drivers at the helm, but rejected the idea when he
remembered Hange’s experiments. The weak spot, when sliced open, had never shown anything
unusual—certainly not a human.

“Eren Yeager attracted the attention of Garrison Captain Kitts Woermann,” Rico continued, “who
ordered the execution of the boy on the spot, but Eren Yeager’s friends Mikasa Ackerman and
Armin Arlert stood in the way. When the Captain ordered his soldiers to fire through them, Eren
Yeager transformed himself into a half-formed titan to shield his friends from the blast. Armin
Arlert was then able to talk down the Captain. At that point, Commander Pixis overheard and
intervened. He devised the plan to move the boulder to plug the hole, while the rest of us supported
Eren.

“At first, Eren, in his titan form, was uncontrollable and violent—so much so that he attacked his
friend, Mikasa Ackerman. Shortly thereafter, he seemed to gain cognizance. He moved the boulder
and successfully blocked the wall. Upon completion of this task, Eren seemed too exhausted to
continue. Fortunately, that was when the Survey Corps returned to help clean up the remaining
titans. The boy fell into a coma and was taken into custody by the Military Police. His friends were
questioned, then released. And that brings you up to the present.”

“Thank you, Rico,” Pixis said, his eyes twinkling. He seemed more amused than alarmed by the
situation. “While I was speaking with Eren, he filled me in on some interesting details. Namely,
although Dr. Yeager went missing after the fall of Wall Maria, Eren has a vague, shattered memory
of running into his father in a refugee camp. His father gave him a key to their basement in
Shiganshina, then used a syringe to inject something into Eren, and then his memories end.”

The room tilted. Erwin saw a syringe descending to his arm in the carriage, Papa’s distressed face,
“ Erwin, never forget—”
Levi’s voice jerked him back to the present: “That sounds like bullshit.” He had slumped into his
chair, his arms folded over his chest.

“No,” Erwin said firmly. “There are injectable substances that can block memories.”

All eyes shifted to him.

“It makes sense that Dr. Yeager would have access to such a substance,” Erwin continued,
“especially if he was giving his son important information he felt he had to hide.” His eyes shifted
to Pixis. “Being able to transform into a titan is a large secret in itself, but it sounds as if there was
more—what is the significance of the basement key?”

Pixis set the key on the table. “Allegedly, the basement contains important information about the
titans.”

Erwin’s stomach dropped. “What sort of information?” Around the table, others began to murmur,
too.

“Eren was very insistent the basement was the key to some great truth about the titans—perhaps
their origin. Perhaps the reason why they attack us.”

“What truth?” Nile snorted. “They’re giant, man-eating monsters.”

But Erwin was spiralling into himself again. The truth about the titans. The truth about this world.
I can finally know—

A sharp kick connected with his ankle. He turned to Levi, who was looking at him with a
perplexed sneer. Erwin realized he was smiling; he quickly pulled his face back to neutral, but his
heart was still racing.

We have to get that key. Even if we don’t succeed in getting Eren, I have to get that key.

“ Berit,” Nile said, “you’ve known the kid for three years. Do you have any insight into all this?”

“Eren Yeager is honest and driven,” she said. “And idealistic. He was constantly spouting off to
the others about defeating the titans, to the point that it often created tension.”

“But he is a titan.”

“There’s no indication he knew it at the time. Aside from raw idealism, he has never displayed any
exceptional skills, and it was pure tenacity that landed him in fifth place in his class ranking. I
should also note he kept the key around his neck every moment of every day. He sincerely believes
every single word of the story he gave you, Commander Pixis.”

Erwin remembered a detail from their discussion the year before. “You said he was intent on
joining the Survey Corps?”

“Yes, he talked about it nonstop from the moment he set foot in the training camp.”

“Oh no,” Nile said, as if coming to a grim realization. “You want to recruit him. Erwin—”

“Think about it, Nile,” Erwin interrupted. “If we can harness his titan power to block the hole in
Wall Maria, we will save hundreds—maybe even thousands—of lives, including your own
soldiers.”

“He’s a titan.” Nile looked exasperated. “What if he’s some sort of spy?”
“A spy for the titans?” Levi said, lip curling. “I know you’ve never seen a titan in your life,
pubeface, but they’re giant, dumb beasts. Your average stray cat is smarter than a titan. We’ve only
ever encountered one who could speak, and it said maybe three words before it lost its mind again.
If the brat’s a spy, who the hell is he reporting to?”

“Levi.” Nile’s gaze locked onto him. “Tell me the boy’s story doesn’t sound too convenient.”

“I won’t, because it does. I think he’s full of shit, and I think he’s a monster. But if he’s useful to
humanity, maybe that’s okay. We all know the old plan to reclaim Wall Maria was going to be a
suicide mission. If this kid can pick up a rock and drop it at the gate, it saves us countless lives.
We’re running out of time to be cautious—food stocks are getting lower, and people are getting
restless. You’re always talking about civil unrest. What do you think’s going to happen when we
run out of food?”

“It’s too dangerous,” Nile said.

“You’d rather we execute and dissect the most powerful weapon that has ever crossed our path?”
Erwin said.

“Yes, and then learn from him. You two say we’re running out of time to be cautious, but I say
things are getting so precarious, we have to be even more cautious than ever.”

“This sounds like something that won’t be resolved here after all,” Pixis said. “We’ll have to get
Zackly involved.”

“How about a court-martial?” Erwin asked. “Once Eren Yeager is awake. Nile and I will prepare
our cases, and Zackly can take Eren’s own testimony into consideration. Now that all our
intentions are out in the open, it should be easy to provide logical arguments for both sides.” Since
Eren was allegedly so keen to join the Survey Corps, Erwin suspected they would be aligned and
could sway Zackly’s opinion.

“Fine,” Nile said, looking away. “If you finally want to do something by the books, then I won’t
discourage you.”

“Then it’s settled,” Pixis announced. “What shall we do with the key? I recommend we give it to
the one Commander who has a chance of seeing Shiganshina soonest, regardless of what happens
to Yeager.”

A shiver ran down Erwin’s spine, but he managed to keep his tone neutral: “I would be honoured
to hold onto it.”

Nile shrugged. “Makes sense.”

Pixis slid the key across the table. Erwin slipped it into the inner pocket of his jacket; it clinked
against another metal object that had recently taken up residence there.

As they returned to the hotel, Levi scowled at Erwin. “You know I’m only entertaining all this
because I trust you, right?”

“You’ve made your distrust of him very clear.” Erwin considered. “Use it to your advantage. When
he awakens, be suspicious. Ask him tough questions; be as harsh as you see fit. I don’t want you to
believe in this plan just because I do—I want you to find reasons to believe in it yourself. This is
too important for blind trust.”

“Okay,” Levi said quietly.

When they reached the room, he flopped onto the bed. “Is that my role in all this?”

“Hm?” Erwin said, pulling the key out of his pocket to examine it.

“To be harsh with him. To scare him into loyalty.”

“Not necessarily. From the sounds of it, he’s already loyal to us to begin with. Your role will be to
demonstrate to others that you can control him. There’s always the possibility that he’ll lose control
—it happened briefly in Trost, and he could become a major threat on the field. We need to pair
him with someone who can take him down if needed.”

“I see.” Levi eyed him. “So you want me to be his babysitter.”

“In a way. You’re the only one I can trust to take him on.”

“Okay,” Levi said. “I’ll do it.”

“We have to ensure we can gain custody of him first.” Erwin sat at the table. “I have some
preliminary work to do. Could you please deliver a message to Berit that we’d like to meet her for
dinner? She should be staying at the Military Police barracks. We’ll meet at that restaurant behind
the barracks that sells stew.”

Levi nodded and stood. “Maybe I’ll train in their gym for a bit, too.” That made sense; between the
carriage and the meeting, he was probably restless.

“Then we’ll all meet at the restaurant at six o’clock,” Erwin said. “Send for me if Eren Yeager
wakes up while you’re there.”

Later that evening, Levi stepped into a small restaurant that smelled of mutton and cooking onions;
the room was small and dimly lit, with cloth tablecloths. Erwin and Berit sat at a table near the
back with an open bottle of wine.

As he sat down, Berit gave him a smile. “Been a long time.”

“Yeah,” Levi said. Erwin had left him the seat that gave him a clear view of the door. He sat in it
and scanned their surroundings. Everyone was dressed in finery, and even though Levi was in a
collared shirt and dress pants himself, he was certain he stood out. He straightened his cravat. “Am
I late?”

“I’ve only just arrived myself,” Erwin said. “Would you care for a glass of wine?”

Levi nodded, flipping open the menu. “What are their best dishes?” he asked, pretending he had a
refined palate like the rest of the diners.

After some discussion, the server came and took their orders. Levi took a swig of wine and subtly
swished it around his mouth as he scanned the room again. He noticed Berit watching him; he
swallowed.

“How’s the brat?” he asked.

“Whiny and noisy, and my kid’s annoying, too,” Berit said, and then she laughed at her own joke
while Levi wrinkled his nose. “No, Silas and my child are both well, thank you, Levi. They live
with me on the base now.”
“You’re still happy there?” Erwin asked. “No desire to return to the front lines?”

“That life isn’t for me anymore, Erwin. My goals are less altruistic these days.” She leaned
forward. “But I can still provide you with valuable information. Off the record, of course.”

“Of course,” Erwin said quietly. “Perhaps we should save that until after the meal. If we have any
eavesdroppers, we want them to hear a mundane conversation until they’ve been convinced there is
nothing special going on.”

“Still thinking ten steps ahead, I see,” she said with a smile.

“You mean paranoid,” Levi muttered, and Erwin gave him a good-natured nudge under the table.

A large pot of mutton stew and a basket of bread arrived. As Levi ate, Erwin and Berit prattled a lot
about Shadis, and what the Trainee Corps had been like pre-fall-of-Maria, and other boring
memories. Levi helped himself to a third glass of wine and kept watching the door, half-expecting
Nile to burst in at any moment to try to accuse them of illicitly gathering information for the court-
martial.

Then Berit said something that drew his attention: “And what about the two of you? Any wedding
bells in the future?”

Erwin started coughing, as if he had choked on his bread. Levi just stared at her, expression flat.

Her face fell. “Oh. Should I not have—”

“It’s fine,” Erwin wheezed. He took a swig of water, then cleared his throat a few times, wiping
tears from his eyes. “My apologies; that caught me off guard.”

An awkward silence descended on the table. Berit sat a little too tall, refilling her wine glass.

“Things were complicated for a while,” Erwin said quietly.

Levi’s body tensed as he waited to see how Erwin would describe their relationship.

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” Berit said. “Did you break up?”

Levi scanned the crowd, concerned they were talking too openly about something they were
supposed to keep private. Still, no one seemed to be paying attention, and the ambient noise would
make them difficult to overhear.

“We separated for several months,” Erwin said. “Our duties pull us in many directions, and require
us to walk side-by-side as colleagues more than lovers, particularly in the public eye. During a
period of particularly intense political scheming, we came to realize we had left ourselves more
vulnerable than we had intended, so we took a step back. And yet … ” His eyes locked onto Levi.
“We’ve recently come to realize that being apart leaves us vulnerable, too, in different ways. It’s
complicated, so we’re taking things one day at a time until we strike the right balance.”

“I understand,” Berit said. “You two have chosen a difficult path. At least your priorities are
aligned. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it’s so complicated.”

Levi’s heart was pounding in his chest as he felt himself drawn into Erwin’s gaze, but then Erwin
looked away and gave a polite smile.

“Enough about us. I think it’s safe to begin speaking about information pertinent to the court-
martial.”

Berit nodded and wiped the last bit of stew from her bowl with a piece of bread.

Erwin leaned close to Levi. “Any threats?”

“Seems safe. I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Okay.” Berit paused to wash down the bread with a sip of wine. “I didn’t want to mention this in
the meeting, particularly when they were discussing whether or not Eren is a threat to humanity,
but his passion to fight the titans is more intense than I let on. I played it off like he gives
inspirational speeches here and there, but they aren’t little speeches. They’re impassioned rants,
verging on aggressive. He has come to blows with the other Trainees more than once, and there
were a few times when Shadis considered sending him into isolation to cool down.”

“I see,” Erwin said, leaning forward a little. “What sets him off?”

“Complacency among his peers, mainly,” Berit said, “but he’s also fiercely protective of his
friends Mikasa and Armin. Those three kids have a bond unlike any I’ve ever seen outside the
Survey Corps. They’ve been through hell together, and it shows. They would die to protect each
other.”

“I see,” Erwin said again; by the way his eyes were losing focus, Levi could tell he was
formulating a plan.

Berit talked a bit more about the obstacles Eren Yeager had overcome, and his family history.
Then she moved on to how fervently he protected the key to his basement.

“Do you know what’s in the basement?” Levi asked.

“No. Not even Eren seems to.”

Levi glanced at Erwin, whose eyes were sparkling. He frowned. The idea of that basement had
sparked something inside Erwin, and he couldn’t yet put his finger on what it was. It seemed, to
him, a ridiculous thing to put one’s faith in: a basement that might or might not contain all the
answers about the titans, according to a titan-boy who claimed to have conveniently lost his
memories. Usually, Erwin was more logical than that.

By the time a second bottle of wine was empty, Berit had answered all their questions.

“It’s late,” she said, standing. “But it was good to see you. Good luck with the court-martial.”

They exchanged hugs.

“You won’t be coming?” Erwin asked.

She shook her head with a grimace. “If they put him to death, I’ll break down in front of everyone.
Besides, I’ve given all the information I can.” Her jaw set. “You guys save him, okay?”

“We’ll do our best,” Erwin said with a solemn nod.

Even though it was still early, the streets were nearly empty. Levi frowned. Mitras lost more and
more of its lustre each time they visited. Homeless people lined the sidewalks, gaunt eyes tracking
them as they passed. The Military Police tried to keep the homeless sequestered to the
Underground, but many of the poorer merchant and servant families of Wall Sina were drifting to
the streets. And why should they go to the Underground, when they had known sunlight all their
lives? Why should anybody? Heat tossed in Levi’s chest. He glanced up at Erwin, but he appeared
to be lost in thought.

Once they were safely in the hotel room, Erwin finally spoke. “I know now what we must do at the
court-martial. But first, we must speak with Eren Yeager. We need to make sure he’s as idealistic
and temperamental as Berit says.”

“Temperamental?”

“Yes.” Erwin sat on the mattress and pulled the basement key out of his pocket, studying it. Levi
sat beside him.

“Make anything of it?” Erwin asked, holding it out.

“What, because I can pick locks, you think I’m an expert on keys?”

“That’s not how it works?”

“No. Looks like a shitty old key to me.” Levi glanced up at him. “So what’s this plan for the court-
martial?”

“Well, it’s not much of a plan unless I can verify Eren Yeager is the boy Berit claims him to be.”
Erwin pocketed the key again; it gave a soft clink. “In the meantime, I sent for Hange, Mike, and a
few of their squad members. We need to have a strong presence at the court-martial to demonstrate
that we have a united front. We’ll never succeed if Nile is able to convince Zackly I’m acting on
my own without any support from my regiment.”

“You’re overestimating Nile’s brains.”

Erwin smiled. “Perhaps.”

“Can I ask you something?” Levi asked.

“Of course.”

“Why do you already trust this kid’s story?”

Erwin’s smile shifted to him and warmed. “Well, I don’t think ‘trust’ is the right word. Did I ‘trust’
you when I first recruited you to the Survey Corps?”

“No,” Levi said. “And you shouldn’t have. I was trying to kill you.”

“I trusted my instincts: your skills were so invaluable to humanity that they were worth any price,
even my life. That’s the way I feel about Eren Yeager now: his skills are so invaluable that I have
no choice but to trust that everything will work out if we recruit him. Perhaps one day, he and I will
come to trust each other as well as you and I did.”

“Not exactly the same way, I hope,” Levi said dryly.

“Levi, he’s fifteen years old.” Erwin turned to him. “I know you’re just joking, but you understand
that I still consider you to be humanity’s greatest hope, right?”

Levi stared blankly at him. “What?”

“Eren Yeager’s skills are incredibly important, yes, and he is an important key to humanity’s
victory.” Erwin leaned closer. “But I’ve seen you on the field: you could easily fell twenty titans
before collapsing, just like he did, and you don’t need to be a titan to do it. Besides, the way you
motivate and unite the Survey Corps—the way you’re a hero to humanity—has a ripple effect that
invigorates everyone around you.”

Levi’s cheeks were warm. He cleared his throat and looked away. “I’m just a murderer with a
couple of fancy knives.”

“I know you aren’t comfortable with all the attention that being Humanity’s Strongest brings you,
but I’m worried that having some of that attention shifted to Eren Yeager might make you
uncomfortable, too.”

“You make me sound like I can’t make up my damned mind about what I want,” Levi muttered,
even though it was true.

“What I’m trying to get at is this.” He felt Erwin’s whisper against his ear, soft and warm: “Let me
show you what you mean to me.”

Levi was certain his face was beet red. His hands clawed into the duvet. “Don’t you have work to
do?”

“I have contacts running background checks on the Yeager family; I’ll be meeting with them
tomorrow morning to gather our report. The boy himself isn’t awake yet. We’ve tapped all our
current resources, and I wouldn’t mind time to digest what we’ve learned. As strange as it sounds, I
think we find ourselves with a night off.”

“Huh,” Levi said.

Erwin reached out a curled hand, unfurling it over Levi’s thigh. “I know things are still a bit
awkward between us, but if you’re willing … ” His fingertips grazed Levi’s thigh, touch so gentle
that Levi held his breath. “Just know that I don’t have any expectations of you, even with what
happened between us the other night. We can take things slowly, if you’re more comfortable with
it.”

Levi snorted. “Shit has never been slow between us.”

“Well, it can be this time, if you want it to be.”

“And what if I don’t?”

Erwin looked up at him, eyelids heavy. “I’m willing to go as far as you want.” The fingertips began
to ease their way up Levi’s thigh.

Their eyes held, lips parted, as Erwin’s hand edged higher, higher. As he reached the top of the
inseam, he cupped Levi, warm and firm. Levi let out a shuddering breath. So warm, his hand was
so warm … Then the fingers curled in, and Erwin was feeling him through his pants, their eyes
still holding, still heavy. Levi’s pants were getting uncomfortable, but he was locked in place, that
intense blue gaze trickling through his blood like ice.

Erwin tightened his grip around him and stroked him through the fabric, and Levi gasped, his head
lolling back. He felt the bed shift, felt a warm mouth press to his throat. A rumble sounded against
his skin. Had Erwin’s voice always been that deep? It reverberated through him, settled between
his legs, burning as hot as his hand.

Then Erwin’s hand lifted. Levi whimpered and thrust up after it, but then felt Erwin working at his
cravat. It slid off, and a tongue slid down to his collarbone with a hot breath that made him shiver.
The straps across his torso loosened and fell away. He opened his eyes and saw Erwin unbuttoning
his shirt, one button at a time, following with his mouth.

He parted his legs, and, on unspoken cue, Erwin knelt between them. He reached the waistband of
his pants and kissed Levi’s navel, working at his belt buckle, then the buttons of his pants.

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, running a hand through Erwin’s hair. A skiff of blond hair tumbled across
the broad forehead. How long had it been since he had seen him, really seen him, with his hair
disheveled? The blue eyes flicked up to him, the angle accentuating the severe planes of his face.
Levi cursed again, hand curling into a fist.

Then the fabric of his pants parted, and his waistband shifted, and cool air hit him. He forced his
eyes to stay open as Erwin circled his thumb and forefinger around the base of his cock, standing
him upright. The too-severe gaze lingered, as if he were inspecting him.

Levi groaned. “Don’t tease me.”

“I think I will, just for a little longer.” Erwin leaned in close and breathed hot air from base to tip.

Fuck! Levi gripped his hair hard, thrusting toward him. “Erwin—”

Erwin’s mouth closed around the tip, and he felt a conflicted warmth flood his body: relaxation and
tension at the same time. He tried to speak, but a wordless cry escaped instead.

Erwin pulled away and tapped his hips. “Lift your hips.”

Too distracted to question him, Levi obeyed, and he felt his pants, belts and underclothes slide
down to his ankles. A palm pressed between his legs, cupped him and gently tugged. Levi heard an
odd, high-pitched noise leave his mouth, but his mind was too thick with fog to feel
embarrassment.

“Like this?” Erwin rumbled, tugging a bit harder. Light flashed before Levi’s closed eyelids, and
he felt himself throb. Then Erwin’s hand and mouth were stroking him in the same rhythm. His
head rolled back on his shoulders, his hips rising. He was tempted to give in, but no, there was still
more he wanted to do.

“Wait,” he gasped.

Erwin pulled away just in time, leaving him right on the edge. Levi’s head kept rolling as he fought
to pull back. The glow finally faded enough for him to open his eyes.

Erwin was staring intently at him. “You had something else in mind?”

“Take off your clothes,” Levi whispered, because he was too clumsy to undress him himself.

Erwin stood and undressed. When his pants came off, Levi saw he wasn’t the only one on edge.

“Bring that over here.”

Erwin stepped closer, and Levi dropped to his knees on the floor to taste him. Fuck, he had missed
the taste, this fullness in his mouth and throat. Erwin’s palms settled over Levi’s ears, his hips
tense and just barely rocking.

Let yourself go, thought Levi, sucking harder, pulling him in deeper. He heard a low groan, felt one
of the hands roughly slide into his hair.

He pulled away and stood, intending to guide him to the bed, but Erwin surprised him, lunging
down for a kiss. Their tongues moved against each other, deep and aggressive. Levi grabbed the
blond hair to pull him in closer, and he felt a broad hand grip his ass.

The kiss broke, both of them gasping for air. Erwin’s skin was flushed and glowing. Levi’s hands
slid down to Erwin’s ass and he grabbed, pulling hard. His thumbs slid to centre, grazing the
surface, making clear what he wanted.

“I see,” Erwin said, approving.

“Too far?”

Erwin kissed the tip of his nose. “I washed before dinner, just in case.”

Levi stood on his toes to steal one more kiss. When he pulled away, he said, “Bend over the end of
the bed.”

Erwin complied. Levi knelt behind him. The view was even more beautiful than he remembered.
He buried his face in warm, fuzzy skin, breathing in, tasting him. He felt Erwin’s deep voice
rumble through him.

Come on. Curse for me. Maybe Levi had love bites on his neck, but Erwin hadn’t dropped his
guard last time, not fully. He wanted him rambling curse words and bucking back against him. He
licked with the flat of his tongue and heard a small groan, probed and heard it rise. Come on! He
kissed and moaned into the flesh, and Erwin echoed him, hips beginning to tilt.

Then he finally gave in: the blond head dropped, forehead to his forearms, and Erwin thrust back
against Levi with a soft, “Fuck!”

The rush made Levi dizzy. He slowed, teasing him. The curses began to flow. He forced his hand
between Erwin and the mattress to grab him; the hips lifted to give him better access. He could feel
dampness, and he wasn’t sure if Erwin was really turned on, or it was Levi’s drool dripping down
the length of him. Either prospect was surprisingly enticing.

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice was so high and soft that it was barely recognizable as his.

Levi pulled away, and he heard a sound of protest that was almost a sob.

“I just need to get lube.” He strode to the trunk. There was the oil, in the side pocket where they
had always kept it, as if no time had passed. As he walked back to Erwin, he considered the
enormity of what they were about to do. Maybe they had shared one desperate fuck, but this was
far more important than that. This was the end of months of pain and longing.

By the time he reached the bed again, he was flaccid.

Erwin had rolled onto his back, perhaps feeling a bit too exposed with his ass in the air. His face
was red and splotchy, his lips swollen. Levi knelt the bed and bent down to kiss them.

When he pulled away, Erwin’s hand clumsily reached out to cup his cheek. Levi turned his face
into it and kissed his palm.

“This may sound odd, but I’m feeling … ” Erwin paused. “I’m not sure if ‘shy’ is the right word,
but it’s close.”
Levi’s chest tightened. “Are things still a bit fucked up between us?”

“To be fair, things were never fucked up between us. They were fucked up around us.”

“Well, there’s nothing around us now except a hotel room.” That wasn’t quite true. Their history
followed them everywhere. How many ghosts of memories floated around them right now? He
kissed the broad palm again. “Look, there’s no rush. Be shy for now, if you want. Maybe you’re
used to protecting yourself a bit now—we both had to for a while. It’s okay. You can be as closed
off or open as you want. I’ve already seen every side of you, anyway, and you’ve seen every side
of me.”

Erwin’s thumb grazed his cheekbone; his eyes were glassy. “Let’s keep going. I’m certain my
shyness will pass once you’re inside me.”

“Is that how you want it?”

“I thought that’s what we agreed on.” The blush deepened. “Besides, it’s your turn.”

Levi raised a brow. “We take turns now?”

Instead of replying, Erwin withdrew his hand and rolled onto his stomach, looking expectantly at
him. Levi’s breath caught. He slid a hand down Erwin’s spine and across his ass.

“You beautiful bastard,” he whispered as he felt himself getting hard again.

Erwin gave a pleased hum and lifted his hips a little. Levi uncapped the oil and drizzled it across
the pads of his fingers, then nestled up against him, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

Erwin’s body gave easily to his fingers, and Levi sank into him, feeling all his control sinking into
that warmth with them. He barely managed to speak: “That okay?”

“Yeah.” Erwin dragged the word into two syllables, the first voiced, the second a breath.

“You used toys a lot, didn’t you?”

“And my fingers.” The strain in the words suggested his eyes were squeezed shut.

Levi pressed deeper, reading the inside of his body. Erwin’s shoulders rounded; he pressed his face
into the pillow.

“Did you think of me?” Levi asked, throaty.

The response was muffled by the pillow, but was clearly, “Every time.” Exactly what he wanted to
hear. He slid further down the bed to press a kiss to Erwin’s tailbone, his free hand rediscovering
the fine blond hairs in a band across his lower back.

Enough foreplay. He shrugged out of his unbuttoned dress shirt, hanging it on a chair. “I want to
see your face.” That was important, this time.

Erwin clumsily rolled onto one elbow. “Lie down. I’ll ride you.”

And so Erwin sat above him, the lamplight framing his body in an aura as he rocked up and down.
He grabbed Levi’s hands and laced his fingers through it, guiding one palm to his chest, another
down his torso. So beautiful, he was so beautiful, with that regal gaze, the rolling muscles of his
abdomen. He looked like the paintings he had shown Levi in his forbidden book, a mythical
human with wings and a wreath of light around his head.
“Holy Sina,” breathed Levi, who had never had a religious thought in his life. “You are so fucking
beautiful.”

Erwin slowed and bent down, arching his flexible back until his lips grazed Levi’s nose. “I love
you,” he whispered.

Levi cried out, arching into him. He was so close, and Erwin was relentless, all warmth and
suction, power and grace. Levi wrenched a hand free and grabbed him, and as he began to stroke,
Erwin’s body jerked bolt upright, his face strained, blond hair hanging loose.

“Come for me,” Levi whispered, because he wanted to see this ethereal being reach its pinnacle
state, wanted to bring him the pleasure he deserved.

“Ah—” was all Erwin managed to reply. His cheeks were red as he ground hard into Levi’s hips. A
bead of sweat trailed down his temple, a spark of gold in the lamp light.

“Come on,” Levi said, sensing him holding back. “Louder.”

“Fuck!” blasted Erwin, and then he gave a hard thrust into his hand, waves rolling through every
muscle in his torso. Levi felt energy surge through him so suddenly that he thought, for a moment,
he would follow, too.

Erwin fell forward onto his elbows, then pulled off and rolled onto his side, breathing hard. His
face was slack and soft, his eyes closed, his lips still a bit flared. Levi wondered if anyone else had
ever seen this side of Commander Erwin Smith, had even suspected it existed.

“Sorry,” Erwin rasped. “I need a minute.” He clumsily shoved the hair back off his forehead.

Levi rolled onto his side to study him, awed by how wrecked he looked. His finger slid down the
bridge of Erwin’s nose. When he reached the thick lips, Erwin kissed it.

“Go back in.” The word vibrated his finger.

“Now? You’ll be too sensitive.”

“You do it all the time for me. Just use lots of oil.” The blond eyelashes parted, and Erwin’s gaze
drifted to him, still unfocussed. “I want to feel you come inside me.”

Levi studied him and, seeing no reluctance in his eyes, decided he liked the idea. He drizzled oil
along himself and gently stroked until it was a thick and even coat, his body erupting into
goosebumps. He could already tell he wasn’t going to be able to hang on for long.

Erwin had caught his breath; now he was staring fixedly at the stroking motion.

“Looks like you’re already getting hard again,” Levi said, surprised.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you look glistening in the lamplight like that?”

Levi felt heat rise to his cheeks.

They worked together to put a pillow under Erwin’s hips, and Levi lay on top of him, gently
pushing his legs out of the way. He began to ease back inside, pausing. “That okay?”

“Yeah. Go deeper.”

And then they were connected again.

Levi slowly began to move.

“It’s okay,” Erwin said, as if addressing the fears he hadn’t voiced. “Harder.” His arms and legs
wrapped around Levi, a hand raking into the back of his hair. His grip was strong and protective.
Safe.

Levi gasped. Connected, they were connected, and nothing could take that from them—not
politicians, not the law, not even the titans. The world was nothing when the two of them were
rocking together like this. He felt his conscious thought begin to unravel, one strand at a time, as
his feral side swelled through him. He felt the glow of damp skin and body hair, licked Erwin’s
nipple and felt him clench tighter. Erwin was whispering words, and he couldn’t hear them, but he
heard their tone, as encouraging and safe as the grip that encased him.

He heard a sob leave his lips, felt his limbs begin to shake, and he drove the last few strokes hard.
Erwin held him tightly, whispering him through every pulse.

Then the only sound was the blood rushing in his ears.

He took a deep breath as he came back to himself. Erwin’s skin was sticky around him, and he felt
the first fluttering of panic as he realized how many different fluids were coating their skin right
now.

But Erwin was already unfolding, releasing him. Levi rolled onto his back, dropping a forearm
over his eyes to block the lamplight.

“We can bathe together before bed, if you like,” Erwin said softly, addressing his unspoken anxiety
once again.

Levi nodded.

“When you’ve caught your breath.”

He nodded again, but he used his first breath to change the subject: “I love you.”

A soft kiss planted on his elbow. “Is it … ” It wasn’t like Erwin to be at a loss for words.

Levi let his arm fall to the side, squinting. Erwin sat on the bed beside him. With his hair in his
face and his cheeks flushed, he looked boyish.

“Is it what?”

“Is it the same as before?” Erwin dragged his fingertips across Levi’s triceps. “As the last time we
said it?”

“Love?”

“Yeah.”

The fingertips were getting too close to his armpit; Levi pulled away. “No. It’s different.” He
couldn’t put it into words. “What about you?”

“It is different. Before, I was always holding a small part of myself back—considering possible
outcomes, weighing our relationship against everything else.” Erwin’s hand settled on Levi’s chest,
drawing slow circles in his chest hair. “Now, when you touch me, that side of me is finally silent. I
feel free.”
Levi thought of how safe he felt in Erwin’s arms lately, and realized his own obsessive worries had
finally been silent, too. His heart was warm and snug, as securely constrained as his body had been
moments ago. Yes, this was different than it had been even a few months ago—no ache in his
throat, no tightness in his chest. He cupped Erwin’s jaw and looked him solemnly in the eye.

“What does that look mean?” Erwin asked softly.

“Why do you always have to put everything into words?” countered Levi, shy.

“It’s how I make sense of the world around me.”

“Well, some things are bigger than words.”

Erwin’s throat bobbed. “I suppose they are.”

Their gaze held, and this time, Erwin’s hand closed over his, the blue eyes meeting his intensity.

The next day, Erwin worked on his notes, while Levi went to check on the status of Eren Yeager,
who was still unconscious. I hope he wakes up, Levi thought, or this will all have been a giant
waste of time.

After spending a couple hours training in the Military Police gym, he began to walk back to the
hotel. He was surprised to see Erwin in plain clothes, sitting on a park bench next to a woman.
They were in earnest conversation. Was this one of his contacts? Levi found a seat at another
bench, waiting.

Once the woman left, Erwin approached him, holding a cloth bag. “Any luck?”

Levi shook his head. “They said he seems to be coming out of it a bit, but still hasn’t woken up.
Maybe this evening.”

“Okay. We’ll check back then. I have new information to share with you.” Erwin began to walk
toward the hotel again, and Levi fell into step behind him. Once they were inside, Erwin pulled out
a chair at the table and sat down. Several papers lay strewn across its surface, the ink bottle still
uncapped. Levi frowned and capped it, then began to tidy the papers.

Erwin didn’t seem to notice; he pulled an envelope out of the cloth bag.

“An envelope?” Levi said. “I thought that bag was our lunch.” His stomach was growling.

“There’s lunch in here, too, but this is more important.” He passed the bag to Levi, who rustled
through it and pulled out a loaf of bread and some apple butter. As he began to prepare the bread,
Erwin flipped through the file.

“What is it?” Levi asked.

“Eren Yeager and his friend Mikasa Ackerman had a brush with the law before Wall Maria fell.”
Erwin leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. “Dr. Yeager paid to have the
incident struck from the records, but like our late friend Sahlo said, there is no such thing as a
permanent secret.”

Levi frowned at the mention of the lord. “What was their crime?” Petty theft, most likely. Child’s
play.
“Murder.”

“Murder?”

“Three would-be kidnappers approached Mikasa Ackerman’s family. Her mother was of a rare race
called the ‘Asian people’.” He looked distracted for a moment; perhaps he was reminiscing about
all the types of people in the book he had shared at Christmas.

“And?” prodded Levi.

“I suppose they were hoping for a rare prize for the slave market or the sex trade. The clash didn’t
go as the slavers were expecting. In the struggle, both parents were killed, but Eren Yeager
happened to find them before the attackers could take the girl. Dr. Yeager was their family doctor
and had been due for a visit, so the boy must have tracked them down somehow. He and the girl
killed all three slavers, even though they were only nine years old.”

Levi snorted. “Good riddance.” He had met their kind in his day. Selling a human being as if they
were a commodity was the worst crime a person could commit.

Erwin was giving him a strange look.

“What?”

“Perhaps such a thing is normal for children in the Underground,” Erwin said thoughtfully. “Above
ground, it’s extremely rare for a child to take a life. This is a noteworthy aggression, and if Nile’s
team is resourceful enough to find it, they may try to use it against the boy.”

“That’s not unexpected though, right? Berit already said this kid was aggressive as hell.”

“True.” Erwin made a quick note. “Perhaps this plays right into our narrative.”

“Our narrative?”

“That Eren Yeager is integral to humanity’s survival, but dangerous.” Erwin drummed his fingers
on the table. “We want everyone in that courtroom to be afraid of him so they’ll be relieved by the
idea of letting us take him outside the walls.”

Levi leaned back in his chair and tore off a chunk of bread. “And that I’m the only one who can
handle him. Where’d you get this information, anyway?”

“My contacts. I have a few friends with access to military records who get bored easily. They are
happy to exchange information for money, if they feel the information is for humanity’s benefit.
Lord Hasek was part of their ring.”

“Stop talking about Sahlo,” Levi said irritably. “He’s dead.”

“I know, and there are power vacuums filling because of it, as we speak.”

He doesn’t like being unaware of what’s out there . Maybe that was why he was so suddenly
fixated on Eren Yeager and the basement key: it was all about regaining control over the world
around him.

Shortly after lunch, a knock sounded at the door; it was Hange and Mike, who had travelled
through the morning to reach Mitras. They would be staying at the Military Police barracks.

“You’re welcome to stay here,” Erwin said, and Levi narrowed his eyes. Hange had only caught
them in the act once, years ago, and he still heard about it constantly.

“We’re fine in the barracks,” Hange said, glancing up at Mike, who was sniffing the air.

“Don’t do that,” Levi muttered, self-conscious.

“Things are going well,” Mike said with a smirk.

“Shut up. That’s fucking creepy.”

The four of them sat and sipped tea as Erwin summarized everything they knew so far. At the end
of it, he handed Mike an envelope. “We’ve arranged for the two of you to question two of Eren
Yeager’s childhood friends at five o’clock. Here are some questions you must cover; feel free to
ask any others as you see fit. Levi and I are going to see if the boy himself is awake.”

Levi folded his arms over his chest. Hearing all the details back to back made the holes in Eren
Yeager’s story seem that much larger. The kid conveniently remembered the key, but not what it
was for. He remembered how to turn into a titan, but only when his life was about to end. Levi had
heard many strange things in his lifetime—even stories of powers awakening even when all
seemed lost. Hell, he had experienced such things for himself, and maybe his own memory wasn’t
the greatest. But if this basement was so important, why had Dr. Yeager never shown it to his son?
Why would he inject him with something without explaining what he was doing? It was all
ridiculous.

“What’s wrong, Levi?” Erwin asked patiently.

“You know what’s wrong. Same as always. I don’t buy the brat’s story.” Levi slumped deeper in
his chair.

“Maybe he doesn’t think we’re going to act in humanity’s best interest,” Hange said. “He sounds
pretty passionate.”

Erwin’s gaze was probing deep into Levi; he shifted, uncomfortable. “What?”

“I know it’s natural to fear the titans,” Erwin said. “Any titan, even one that appears to be on our
side. They’ve been responsible for enormous losses, and we’ve all felt them. But this boy could be
the key to ending that forever. Imagine a world where humanity has enough crops to feed future
generations. Imagine the morale boost of reclaiming Wall Maria, of taking back what was lost. We
have to believe he’s on our side. If he is lying and untrustworthy, that means the titans are
organized enough to have infiltrated our society. If that’s the case, then humanity is in far worse
shape than we thought.”

“They probably already have,” Hange said, solemn. “You’ve already come to the natural
conclusion, too, haven’t you?”

“Which conclusion?”

“That the Colossal and Armoured titans are humans who can shift into titans, too. If they came in
through the wall, they could be walking among us as humans.”

Levi’s teeth clenched. “That’s fucking grim.”

“How did they know to wait until we were outside the Wall to attack?” Erwin wondered aloud.
“They must be a part of the military.”
The full implications suddenly hit Levi, and he sat upright. He curled his hands, feeling dampness
in his palms. “You think they might be in the Survey Corps?”

“Perhaps. Perhaps another branch. It’s plausible they either used forgery to work their way into the
military, or went through training.” Erwin paused, then stood. “This conversation can wait until
we’ve had time to dig deeper. Right now, our biggest concern is getting Eren Yeager.”

“What if he’s in league with these other titans?” Levi said, wondering why the others looked so
calm.

“Then we can keep an eye on him and, if necessary, take him down.” Erwin’s jaw was tight.
“There are too many unknowns. We’ll take it one step at a time. The safest thing we can do is
watch his every move.”

“Fine.” Levi stood. “Erwin, let’s go. I’m sick of wondering how it’s going to play out.”

When they arrived at the holding cell, the Military Police guard informed them that Eren Yeager
was just waking up.

Perfect, thought Levi. He’ll be disoriented. It was easier to get honest answers out of someone who
was disoriented. There were ways to put a person in that state on purpose, but he doubted Erwin
was interested in using them.

They moved to step past the guards, but one of them held out a hand to block them. “Your
permission hasn’t come through.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Permission?”

“From Commander Nile Dok.”

“What? I was here this morning, and they didn’t tell me we needed—”

“Levi, it’s okay.” Erwin’s voice was as calm as his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out
a small satchel. Gold coins. He expected this . Levi felt a simultaneous swell of admiration for his
foresight, and frustration that they had to stoop to bribery.

The soldier began to count the coins. The other one looked nervous. “Don’t take that! We’ll get in
so much shit if we’re caught.”

“Oh, relax, rookie. You’ll get your share.” The soldier stepped aside with a salute that jingled.
“Commander. Captain.”

Erwin walked past them and down to the end of the hallway; he settled into a chair facing the
boy’s cell. Levi leaned against the wall beside him, arms folding over his chest.

“First impression?” Erwin asked.

Levi wasn’t sure what to think. He didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t a small boy in a
stained shirt shackled to a bed. He had looked much more impressive emerging from a titan. This
dirty brat is humanity’s hope?

The boy groaned and twitched. Nightmares. Levi strained his ears, trying to listen for clues about
what plagued his dreams. Boys and monsters had very different nightmares.
Instead, the boy jerked upright with a gasp.

“I imagine you have questions,” Erwin said calmly, not even giving him a moment to breathe.

The boy stared at them, wild eyes coming into focus. Levi looked away, trying to communicate his
disdain.

“Where am I?” the boy asked. He didn’t sound like a monster. He sounded scared.

“You’re in a dungeon,” Erwin said, voice fluid. “You’re currently in the custody of the Military
Police. We were finally granted the right to see you a few minutes ago.”

Granted the right, thought Levi with a sneer as Erwin continued to explain the situation. The boy
seemed more aware now, but he still just seemed like a regular kid. Levi was surprised to discover
he was disappointed.

But the passion Berit had spoken about leapt into the boy’s eyes when Erwin pulled out the
basement key. The boy strained against his restraints, desperate to get it back.

Erwin’s voice was so calm that it was unsettling: “The basement of the house where you were
born, Dr. Yeager’s house in Shiganshina District, holds the secret of the titans. Am I right?”

There was a slight strain to his voice; Levi’s eyes flicked to Erwin. What’s going on in your head?
He felt the flickering onset of anxiety he had felt, years ago, when Erwin had first threatened Sahlo
head-on. It was like the tension after cutting the gas on the 3DMG, the body preparing for a sudden
drop.

“That’s right,” said the boy. “Or at least, that’s what my father told me.”

Levi’s lip curled. “You have amnesia and your father’s missing. That’s a convenient story.”

Erwin glanced at him. “Levi, we already reached the conclusion he has no reason to lie.”

It was difficult to tell if the rebuke was sincere or part of the act, but then again, Levi didn’t know
if his own statement had been sincere, either. He had stepped into this room with his pulse racing,
but now, the kid certainly didn’t seem like a threat. He didn’t look like he could transform into a
beast and take out twenty titans, either.

Erwin clearly believed he was important, because he continued to speak with the boy, asking his
intentions, explaining their plans to plug the hole and reclaim Wall Maria. The boy began to drip
sweat, his eyes wide. Levi had seen this look enough times to know exactly what was happening:
he was recalling past trauma, no doubt recalling the day Shiganshina had fallen.

This was it: his opportunity to provoke him, to try to make him aggressive. “Hey,” Levi said flatly.
“Answer the man, scum. What are your intentions?”

While others—even Levi, even Erwin—would be temporarily paralyzed by a flashback, the boy’s
teeth clenched, his body quivering. When he lifted his head, Levi’s stomach dropped. He
recognized the look that burned in his eyes.

Another boy who had never had a childhood, who had been forced to kill to survive at a young age.
Who would kill again the instant he got a chance.

He really is a monster, and not just because he can shift into a titan.
“ I want to join the Survey Corps,” Eren Yeager said, voice shaking with anger, “and exterminate
the titans.”

“Not bad,” Levi murmured, truly believing, for the first time, that they needed him on their side.

In his periphery, he saw Erwin glance at him, a look of approval on his face.

“Erwin, I’ll take responsibility for him. Tell the brass.” Levi strode forward and grabbed the bars.
“I don’t trust him, and if he steps out of line or goes out of control, I’ll put him down. They should
have no problem with this decision, because I’m the only one capable of stopping him.” He stared
at the kid, not letting that fiery gaze intimidate him. “All right. Your request is accepted. Welcome
to the Survey Corps.”

Hope flickered across the boy’s face.

Behind them, Erwin stood. “We will return for you when it comes time for your court-martial.
We’re working hard to put together a solid case for you. Please be patient for a bit longer.”

“My key,” the boy said.

“We’ll need to hang onto that for now. Don’t worry, you’ll get it back once you are formally
assigned to our regiment.” Erwin paused. “Levi.”

With one last stern look at the boy, Levi turned and followed him out the door.

Once they were back above ground, Levi said quietly, “You see in him what you saw in me. A
monster who can become the perfect weapon if he can be tamed.”

“Something like that.” Erwin glanced at him. “He’s a boy before he’s a weapon, Levi. Remember
that.”

But Levi knew if he was to be ready to kill Eren Yeager, he had to see him as a monster first. He
had a habit of getting too close to those he protected—Isabel and Farlan’s remains flashed through
his memory, and he shuddered. No, not this time. He wasn’t going to grow fond of the kid and get
caught up in that “humanity’s hope” bullshit.

It seemed even Erwin was caught up in it; his step was light, his lips resting in a faint smile.

“Do you think we can convince Zackly?” Levi asked when they returned to the hotel room.

“I don’t know. My contact suggested the nobles were concerned about a potential war between
Wall Rose and Wall Sina, so Nile’s argument will appeal to Zackly.” Erwin sat at the desk and
made a few more notes. “We have one valuable asset: Eren’s desire to join us.”

“How does that help?” Levi asked, sitting on the bed.

“You saw his passion in there. Once we asked him about his goals, he forgot where he was and
who he was speaking to.” Erwin turned to face him. “If we start to lose our case, he’s very likely to
become unstable.”

Levi felt the same beginning descent of that 3DMG hover he had felt earlier. “If that happens, you
want him to lose control, and then you want me to demonstrate that I can control him.”

Erwin’s gaze held his. “By any means necessary.”

Eren Yeager is a monster, Levi reminded himself, because the idea of beating up a fifteen-year-old
kid made him sick. “Fuck.”

“Getting beaten is a lot better than death and dissection, and humanity needs him alive.” Erwin’s
face was too taut. “We’ll have to make sure to play this card at the right time. Too soon, and no
one will be convinced he is truly a threat. Too late, and he might actually shift into a titan and you
would be forced to kill him.”

“I can read him.” Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I know his kind.”

If Erwin was confused, he didn’t show it. He only nodded. “Thank you, Levi.”

“Don’t thank me. We don’t have a choice.” Levi lay back on the bed, letting out a long breath.
“Fuck.”

“Indeed. Hopefully Zackly will see reason and it will be an easy transfer. We’ll wait to hear what
Hange and Mike have to say about Eren’s friends, and update them on our plan. If Eren’s friends
are as tightly knit with him as Berit says, we should probably have them at the court-martial, too.”

“Oh?”

“To remind him of what he stands to lose if he dies.”

Levi nodded. Just one more pressure point to ensure he would fight for survival. “So what happens
when we get custody of him?”

“Well, he’ll join your Special Operations Squad. If you need to shuffle the squad to make sure they
can control him—”

“No, this group is the best group to handle him. We’ll need to take him out of the city right away,
though, in case he goes rogue.”

Erwin nodded. “There’s an old abandoned base about a half hour’s ride northeast of Trost that will
make a suitable place to hold him. I’ll stay behind and work on the expedition approval process
and planning; Hange can continue titan research, and Mike will coordinate the transport of all our
goods from Trost to Karanes. The 104th recruitment ceremony will happen soon after the court-
martial—I’ll return to the base with the new recruits.”

Levi let out a low sigh.

The bed shifted. He turned to see Erwin stretching out beside him. “You okay?”

“No.” Levi rolled halfway onto him, resting his ear on the centre of the broad chest. He could hear
his heartbeat, loud and strong.

Erwin’s arm settled around his shoulders, smoothing his arm. “We’re on the cusp of something
great. This little world of ours is beginning to change.”

“Why do you trust the kid so much?” Levi asked. “Really?”

“I know what it’s like to carry the burden of a father’s knowledge when no one believes you. I
know what it’s like to have a passion to take this world back from the titans at any cost.” The hand
smoothing his arm slowed to a stop. “When Berit described Eren’s interactions with his classmates,
she might as well have been describing me. Not all my classmates appreciated my drive.”

It felt like only a small part of the story, and Levi bit his lip to restrain himself from asking more
questions. If he tried to ask about Erwin’s father, and the book, and how it all tied into this, Erwin
would just politely shut down the conversation.

Instead, he closed his eyes and focused on his heart beat.

“We should get back to work,” Erwin said softly, but his arm tightened around Levi.

The court-martial was set for the following afternoon.

Erwin sent Hange and Mike to retrieve Eren Yeager, knowing it would disorient the boy to see
unfamiliar faces pick him up. Confusion and fear: the two things that would set him on edge.
Hange was going to give him no warning about what he was about to face, and encourage him to
be honest.

It was cruel to try to provoke Eren like this, Erwin knew, but this was all for the greater good. Once
Eren was safely in their hands, they could begin to treat him with the respect he deserved.

Together with Levi, he settled into position in the courtroom. He hadn’t been there for quite some
time, probably since Dita had been sworn in as a Squad Leader. He remembered his own swearing-
in here, first as Squad Leader, then as Commander. He glanced down at Levi, wondering if he
remembered the latter. Things had been so different back then.

As they settled into position, his thoughts honed in on Eren Yeager’s fate. He studied Nile, who
stood with a sheaf of papers. Beside him were Minister Nick, a representative from the merchant’s
guild, and several MP officers. Pixis stood solemnly with a group of Garrison soldiers; he caught
Erwin’s look and gave a single, knowing nod.

Erwin’s gaze finally rested on Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, and Rico Brzenska. The two
youths seemed hardened compared to typical Trainees, no doubt due to their experiences both in
Shiganshina and in Trost. He felt a wave of pity. Young soldiers were a fact of life within the
Walls, but they usually had at least a few years to enjoy their youth before they faced the grim
reality of the titans.

“Lots of people,” Levi said flatly, glancing at the public spectator section of the courthouse.

“Good.” The more members of the public were present, the more uptight Nile would be about
keeping the peace. “Be ready.”

“Yeah.” Levi folded his arms over his chest.

The doors opened, and Eren Yeager stepped through.

The courtroom fell silent.

The boy looked even smaller now than he had in the cell. He was hunched and shackled, with
wide, sunken eyes.

Erwin studied Nile, who was staring at the boy, jaw tight. He’s terrified of him.

The Military Police locked Eren into a kneel at the centre of the courtroom. Eren didn’t seem
afraid for himself; his gaze was lingering on his friends. A strong bond, indeed.

Commander-in-Chief Zackly entered the room and took a seat on a platform elevated far above the
rest of them. “Well, let’s begin.” He explained the purpose of the court-martial, then handed the
floor to the Military Police.

Nile’s arguments were exactly the ones he had laid out in their initial meeting: the boy was a threat
to the peace within the walls, and he was too dangerous to let live. “Therefore, after extracting as
much information as we can from him, we will turn him into a martyr for the human race.”

“That isn’t necessary!” Minister Nick bellowed beside him. “He is a pest that circumvented the
protection of the Walls through trickery. He should be executed immediately.”

This was unexpected. The Wallists rarely weighed in on anything other than the walls themselves.
Erwin’s eyes narrowed as he studied the man. Had he been coerced into speaking on behalf of
someone else? Or was Eren’s appearance shaking even those with the deepest faith? For the first
time in months, he wondered about his mother and sister.

“Minister Nick, quiet please,” Zackly said, looking weary. “We will now hear the proposal from
the Survey Corps.”

Erwin stood tall, formally introducing himself, for the benefit of the members of the public in the
viewing area. “We plan to induct Eren into the Survey Corps as a full-fledged member and use his
power to take back Wall Maria. That is all.”

Zackly looked over the rim of his glasses at him. “Hm? That’s all you have to say?”

“Yes, sir. With his strength, we can recover Wall Maria. I believe our priorities are clear.”

He briefly explained their plans to leave from Karanes District now that Trost was blocked. In the
background, he could see Nile’s eyes narrow. He thinks I’m up to something.

To his surprise, it wasn’t Nile who spoke out against him, but the representative from the
merchant’s guild. It was the same tired rhetoric Erwin had heard countless times in his career: the
Survey Corps was risking too much by venturing outside the Walls, and the gates should be
blocked off entirely. He wasn’t going to dignify the comments with a response, but to his surprise,
Levi muttered,

“You’re full of talk, pig.”

The room fell silent. The merchant’s gaze snapped to Levi.

Erwin briefly considered intervening, then decided any aggression would add to the tension in the
courtroom. This was ideal. Besides, he always enjoyed Levi’s brand of honesty.

“Where’s your guarantee the titans will wait patiently while we wall up the gates?” Levi
continued, his voice at once nonchalant and forceful. “When you say ‘we’, you’re talking about my
friends who protect you while you get fat. You pigs take no notice of the people who can’t eat
because there isn’t enough land.”

It was tempting to smirk. Erwin was so single-minded about his own goals that he sometimes
forgot just how passionate Levi was about helping the downtrodden.

Minister Nick and the merchant began to bicker, so violently that Zackly had to pound on his desk
to regain control of the courtroom.

Levi leaned in closer. “How do you think it’s going?”

“Hard to tell,” Erwin whispered, eyes on Eren Yeager. The boy still looked so small. Why isn’t he
getting riled up?

Next, Zackly questioned Eren Yeager directly. Stress finally began to show in the boy’s posture; he
was hunched and tense, and his voice was strained. He testified that he could control his titan form,
but Rico Brzenska did Erwin an enormous favour by contradicting that statement. As she explained
Eren’s attack against Mikasa Ackerman, the crowd began to shift, uneasy.

Levi tensed beside him, but Erwin did not signal.

Mikasa tried to explain that Eren had actually protected her on several occasions in spite of that one
loss of control, and that’s when Nile played his hidden hand.

Erwin lowered his jaw, staring intently at Nile. Go on. Make a big deal out of this. The more afraid
the crowd is, the more eager they’ll be to pawn Eren off on Levi.

As expected, Nile described Eren and Mikasa killing three grown men when they were only nine
years old as if it were a personal failing.

“Their actions are understandable,” Nile acknowledged. “It was legitimate self-defense. Yet it
raises doubts as to Eren’s basic humanity.”

Erwin could practically see the boy steaming with rage. And as expected, the crowd began to
panic, and shouts escalated around them.

“—a powder keg that could explode at any moment—”

“—titan took the form of a boy to infiltrate our—”

And above it all, the voice that gave Erwin exactly what he needed:

“That one, too!” The merchant pointed to Mikasa. “How do we know she’s human?”

The crowd shouted in agreement. Erwin could feel Levi coiling, like a cat about to pounce, but he
still refused to give him the signal. Not yet. Not until the frenzy reached its peak.

“No!” Eren yelled.

The room froze.

“I may be a monster, but Mikasa has nothing to do with it!”

Erwin watched Nile, waiting for his reaction. Nile’s jaw was slack, his eyes bugging. He’s still
stunned. He needs to be genuinely afraid in order to believe Levi is saving us all.

“Erwin,” Levi whispered.

“Wait.”

Eren was ranting now, calling them cowards, his eyes glowing with the same fire they had
glimpsed when he was imprisoned. His voice escalated, so feral that it was practically a howl.

Almost there … almost there … Nile was still blinking dumbly.

“Just shut your mouths,” Eren roared, “and invest everything in me!”
For a moment, no one moved.

And then, Nile’s eyes began to narrow. Erwin had seen this look countless times—in training,
during cards, even during drinking games. This was the face Nile made when he was about to lose,
when he was about to pull out his last resort.

Now. Erwin folded his arms over his chest.

Levi was off, a blur so fast Erwin could barely see him, just as Nile yelled for his soldiers to ready
their weapons.

The first kick landed hard. A tooth flew out of Eren’s mouth and skittered across the floor.

For a moment, everyone was stunned, even, it seemed, Levi. Then he grabbed Eren’s hair and
drove a knee into his face.

Erwin watched, face tight. This was the Levi he had seen during their fateful visit to the
Underground, the weapon whose lethal force was no match for any foe: human, titan, or—it
appeared—both at the same time.

A blood-stained smile floated to the surface of his memory, but he shoved it back down. The Levi
before him wore a neutral face as he continued his work.

“This is just my opinion,” Levi said calmly, “but I’ve always found pain to be the most effective
punishment.” He ground Eren’s face into the ground with his heel. “The lesson you need to learn
right now can’t be taught with words, only with action. And you’re kneeling, which makes you
easy to kick.”

The words struck Erwin’s ear wrong. These weren’t words he could ever fathom Levi saying, not
willingly. They must have belonged to someone else, once upon a time. He thought of the panic
attacks Levi had had over the years, the nightmares. The crunches of his attacks were sickening
now; Eren was wheezing, unable to sit up on his own. Erwin’s hands, carefully hidden by his
folded arms, tightened into fists.

“Levi, wait,” Nile said, blanching. “It’s dangerous. He might get mad and turn into a titan.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Levi grabbed the boy’s hair and hoisted him upright.
“You’re the ones who want to dissect him, right?”

Nile trembled, his skin so pale that Erwin knew their point was clear. He unfolded his arms,
signalling Levi to wrap up.

Levi stood tall, his voice strong. “This boy apparently killed twenty titans when he was in titan
form, stopping only out of exhaustion. The fact that he has intelligence could make him a
formidable enemy. But he’s not my enemy. Is he yours? All you assholes should think carefully:
could you really kill him?”

Beautifully said. Erwin raised his hand. “Commander-in-Chief, I have a proposal. There are many
unknown elements behind Eren’s power. Danger will always be lurking beneath the surface.
Therefore, in the event you decide to release him into our control, I would pair him with Captain
Levi as a failsafe. Someone as skilled as Levi would be able to deal with Eren even in a worst-case
scenario.”

“I see,” Zackly said. “Can you do it, Levi?”

Levi scoffed. “If you mean killing him, that’s no problem. The problem is that there would be no
half-measures.”

Erwin locked eyes with Nile from across the room. And then you would get your dead titan to
dissect.

Nile looked away. “Wait,” he said, interrupting Zackly, who was about to make his ruling. “Erwin,
first I want to ask you: what will you do about the instability in the Interior?”

“I don’t take that instability lightly,” Erwin said calmly. “I propose that to reassure the public, we
take Eren Yeager outside the walls on our next expedition. There, he can prove his usefulness to
humanity. We can decide his future based on those results.”

As his eyes swept the crowd, he saw visible expressions of relief, and he bit back a smile.
Everything was unfolding exactly as he had hoped.

“Then it’s settled,” Zackly said. “I release Eren Yeager into the Survey Corps’ custody.”

Erwin glanced at Levi, hoping to exchange a triumphant glance, but Levi’s eyes were locked on the
floor.

As they gathered in an empty office behind the courtroom, Hange knelt in front of Eren, tending to
his wounds. Levi, however, slumped against the back wall, curling into himself.

Erwin gripped his shoulder; Levi flinched and didn’t look up.

“I’m sorry, Levi. Thank you. We could not have won that victory without you.”

There was no response. As badly as Erwin felt for him, there was no time to comfort him, not yet.
These first few moments of custody were crucial. They had to cement Eren’s trust.

He stood beside Hange. “Sorry about that, Eren. But you got your point across to the Commander-
in-Chief and the other Council members, and that gave us the perfect chance to play the card we
had up our sleeve. Believe me, it was worth the pain.” He knelt to eye level and held out a hand.
“You have my respect.”

Eren’s eyes widened. His handshake was firm.

“I look forward to working with you,” Erwin said with a gentle smile.

“Sir. Likewise.”

Levi dropped to a seat on the couch next to Eren, making him jump. “Tell me, Eren: do you resent
me?”

“No sir,” said Eren. “I know you needed to put on a show.”

“Very well,” Levi said, but Erwin could tell he was still shaken.

They left Eren to one more night in his cell; it would be easier to arrange transport in the morning.
Besides, Erwin wanted to wrap up a few things with Levi, Mike, and Hange before they headed
back to Trost.
The three officers accompanied him to the hotel room. As they walked, Hange spoke up:

“It’s okay, Levi. He heals like a titan. He’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

Levi didn’t respond.

Mike walked close to him, as if protecting his flank.

Only Erwin did not react. He had seen Levi in crisis enough times to know that words wouldn’t
reach him until he decided to let them. Besides, what could he possibly say that he hadn’t already?
The whole thing had been Erwin’s plan in the first place. Any weight on Levi’s shoulders right
now was his doing.

Once they reached the hotel room, Levi slid a chair to the corner and sat in it. The other Squad
Leaders sat at the table instead. Erwin sat on the bed, facing all three of them.

“Now that we have Eren Yeager in custody, I want to take a minute to realign our priorities.”

“We’re not even going to take a breath to acknowledge how great it is that we got him?” Hange
asked.

“The celebration can wait a few minutes. Our timeline is going to be tight.” He quickly ran through
their next assignments. Levi and his squad were to push to the abandoned base. Hange would join
him a few days later to begin studying Eren’s powers. A few days after that, Mike would head back
to Trost to start arranging transport of their supplies to Karanes, and finally, Erwin would join Mike
shortly after the 104th recruitment ceremony. Within one month, they would have the new troops
trained and ready to deploy from Karanes.

“A month is quick for a full-regiment mission with new troops,” Mike said.

“Our first expedition will only be a quick jaunt to get the lay of the land and test our new recruits.”
That wasn’t quite true, but it was all they needed to know for now. Erwin was still working out the
details in his mind. “That’s everything I wanted to discuss for now. Shall we head out for some
food and drink?”

It seemed they weren’t the only ones in Mitras with the same idea—the restaurants and taverns
were all packed. They finally found room at the bar of a small, dark tavern on the border of the
financial district. Levi took the furthest seat from the door and angled his stool so he was half-
facing it. Erwin sat next to him, Mike and Hange on his other side. Erwin ordered a round of drinks
for each of them. The first wave of the inheritance had come in, so Sahlo was buying.

As soon as the whiskey hit his lips, however, he realized he wasn’t in the mood to drink. His mind
was still wound up from the trial, and he was concerned about Levi. He would probably end up in
a strange, emotional mood if he got drunk.

Beside him, Levi drained his glass in one swallow, then coughed. Erwin slid his full glass over to
him.

Levi looked up, face blank.

“Would getting drunk help?” Erwin asked.

Levi shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Then get drunk. I’ll keep an eye on you.” He signalled to the bartender to bring over another
glass.

The special of the night was a mushroom stew, aged enough that the flavours were strong and
blended. Erwin hadn’t eaten much before the trial, so he was the first to finish. Levi pushed his
bowl away, too, barely touched.

“You should eat,” Erwin said.

“I’ll drink my dinner.”

His stomach must be in knots. “Would you eat bread if I ordered you some?”

Levi shrugged. “Probably.”

The bread came deep-fried and just a little bit sweet, and the four of them devoured it so quickly
that Erwin had to order a second basket.

Now that their bellies were full, they were comfortable enough to talk. To everyone’s surprise, it
was Mike who dominated the conversation. He talked about the time he and his cousin had gotten
drunk for the first time after breaking into a bottle of his uncle’s homemade whiskey. Then he
recalled the first time he and Nile had convinced Erwin to get drunk.

“We don’t have to discuss this,” Erwin said once he realized where the story was going.

“The most boring drunk ever ,” Mike said to Hange. “He spent the whole night repeating the
strengths and weaknesses of Survey Corps formations, over and over. And every single time, he’d
bring up the same points as if he was just discovering them.”

“Interesting,” Hange said, eyes sparkling. “Would you say that’s what kicked off your
development of the Long-Range Scouting Formation?”

“No, believe it or not, I was of sound mind when I developed that,” Erwin said dryly. He waved to
the bartender for another drink for Levi, who was just emptying a glass.

“He was so boring,” Mike said, “we dumped him on our classmate Von and went to a different
bar.”

“Oh, was that the night?” Erwin took a sip of water, then smiled fondly. “He was decidedly more
interested in my drunken ramblings. He kissed me under a tree behind the barracks.”

Mike’s brows shot up. “Von?”

“First time being drunk, first kiss from a boy. Not a bad night, overall.” The memory was hazy; he
couldn’t even remember the lad’s face now. “What ever happened to Von?”

“Joined the Survey Corps with us and died during the first expedition.”

“Right.” Erwin’s smile faded.

For a moment, they were silent, then Hange leaned forward. “I never hear any juicy stories about
Mike. You must have some, Erwin.”

“I do indeed. Let me tell you about the time Mike scaled the bell tower without gear to impress a
girl, but couldn’t get down again.”

Hange cackled. “Like a cat?”

“Like a cat.” Erwin felt a surge of boyish playfulness. “Like a big, dumb cat.”

Mike shook his head. “Fine. Tell it.”

As Erwin spoke, he reached his hand under the bar and, subtly, ran his knuckles across Levi’s
thigh. At first, there was no response, but then Levi leaned closer to him.

Within a couple hours, that subtle lean had become a full slump. Mike seemed to be spinning, too,
one hand braced his head upright.

“We should get some rest,” Erwin said. He gently nudged Levi. “Can you walk?”

Levi muttered something unintelligible, then flopped face-down onto the bar.

“Mike?” Erwin asked. “Can you carry Levi?”

“Spinning,” Mike mumbled.

“I see. Can you at least get back to the barracks by yourself?”

“Mm.”

“I’ll help Mike,” Hange said. “I didn’t drink very much.”

Erwin settled their bill, then he and Hange each assisted their drunken counterparts to the door.
Mike could walk well enough, but Levi was stumbling and barely coherent.

They stopped in front of the barracks.

“Is he going to be okay?” asked Hange, looking concerned.

Erwin looked down at Levi, who was swaying against him. “I’ll take care of him.”

They said their goodnights, and then he began to steer his stumbling Captain toward the hotel. He
heard a croaking curse.

“Doing okay, Levi?”

“No,” Levi said, and he dropped to all fours and began to wretch.

Erwin knelt beside him and, once he had finished, handed him a handkerchief. Levi clumsily wiped
his face.

“Disgusting,” he muttered.

“Feel any better?”

“A bit.” A pause, then, very quietly, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Erwin said. “I told you I’d keep an eye on you. Can you walk?”

Levi shook his head.

“Let me know if you need to vomit again.” Erwin gently scooped him up and stood, carrying Levi
against his chest. He was heavy, but they weren’t far from the hotel. Levi’s head lolled against his
collarbone.
When they reached the hotel, the front desk staff gave him questioning looks, but Erwin only
smiled politely and said, “A bit too much to drink.”

The stairs seemed endless with the limp weight in his arms, and he had to do an awkward half-
kneel and shift Levi’s weight around to unlock the door to their room. Once they were inside, he
set Levi gently on the bed, then placed a glass of water, a clean handkerchief, and a waste bin
beside him.

“Fuck,” Levi muttered, struggling to pull off his shirt. Erwin intervened and undressed him down
to his underwear, then carefully tucked him into bed. He undressed, too, and crawled into bed
beside him, setting a book on the bedside table.

He had intended to read, but Levi surprised him by slumping against his shoulder. “— bullshit —”
he growled, as if it were the middle of a conversation.

“Hm?”

“All of it. We fight and fight, and we’re still trapped.”

Erwin wasn’t sure he understood the context, exactly, but he understood frustration. “It’s going to
get better. We made a huge stride toward our freedom today.”

“Those weren’t my words,” Levi murmured. “In the courtroom.”

After a long pause, Erwin found Levi’s hand under the covers. It was warm. He laced his fingers
through it. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You’ve probably pieced it together yourself, anyway.” Maybe it was Erwin’s imagination, but he
sounded more sober than he had a few moments ago. That wasn’t unusual for Levi—the man often
wavered in and out of sobriety, even at his drunkest. It was almost as if his enormous strength and
constitution allowed him to metabolise alcohol differently than the rest of them.

He squeezed the small hand. “Your past is still a mystery to me, Levi. I don’t probe into things that
should stay hidden. If you wish to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

There was another pause, then Levi said quietly, “I remember more when I’m drunk. When I’m
sober, my head gets in the way.” He rolled so his cheek was on Erwin’s chest. Erwin snaked an
arm around him, pulling him in closer.

“When I was a kid,” Levi said, his voice very clear now, “I lived with a woman in a small hut in
the Underground. She worked for a man who lived in our group of buildings. She told me her job
was to steal money from men who had too much. I was never sure what that meant—whenever she
was working, I went to our neighbour’s house. Military Police came by from time to time, but she
always managed to talk them down from arresting her. When I was a bit older, I assumed she had
been selling drugs and bribing the police.” He paused. “Now I think she was a sex worker. She
only had male clients, and I was never allowed to be home when she was working.” His hand
clawed into Erwin’s chest, and he was silent for a moment, but then continued:

“She got sick a lot. Fevers and pain, and she’d get a rash on her face. One time, she was much
worse than usual. Her arms and legs were swollen, and her skin was yellow. She forgot who I was.
I ran to her boss to ask for help, but he called her dirty and said she was no good to him anymore.
Our neighbour had moved away, and no one else would listen to me.”

He was quiet and shivering. Erwin gently smoothed his arm, his throat tight.
“I came home,” Levi said quietly. “She recognized me. She took off her shirt and put it on me, told
me to think of it as a hug if she wasn’t there to hug me. I lay down beside her, my mother. When I
woke up, she was dead.”

Erwin’s heart broke at the thought of young Levi waking up next to his dead mother. He tightened
his grip around him.

“I sat on the floor,” Levi said, “against the wall and waited, because I knew I was going to join her
soon. I was pretty close to it when he found me.” A pause. “Have you heard of Kenny the Ripper?”

Erwin’s brows rose. “I’ve heard the legend.” A man who, several decades earlier, had killed
dozens of military police.

“He’s real. He’s the one who found me.”

“What?”

“Kenny. He knew the woman’s name. Said she was my aunt, and kept insisting that—I was so
young and sick that I started to believe him.” Levi nuzzled closer. “He was a sick fuck, but he fed
me and taught me how to fight. Sometimes he’d get me to start fights, and he’d finish them.” He
began to shiver. “He was always messy. There was so much blood. I’d help him clean up, and I can
still feel it on my hands … ”

“Your hands are clean now,” Erwin said firmly, gripping one.

“Maybe.” Levi paused. “The things I said in the courtroom today … Those were Kenny’s words.
Some of it things he said to me, most of it things he said to other people while I watched. He
wanted me to be a monster like him. For a few years, I was.”

“You aren’t a monster, Levi.”

“No?” Levi was shaking again. “A part of me liked beating up that brat today. It felt good to say
those things to him. Powerful. Deep down, I’m no better than that asshole.”

“It’s human nature to enjoy feeling powerful,” Erwin said. “I’ve only seen you act that violently a
handful of times, Levi, and every single time, the guilt has crushed you once it’s over. You aren’t a
monster. You’re a man who will get his hands dirty when it’s necessary. You learned from a young
age—far too young—that you have to do whatever it takes to survive in this world. Your body
waits until the heat of the moment has passed to consider the morality of your actions. That doesn’t
make you a monster, Levi. It makes you pragmatic. It makes you a survivor.”

After a few moments, Levi said softly, “I was still a kid when he left me. I was terrified he would
come back, and terrified he wouldn’t, all at the same time. But he never came back.”

He’s been left by everyone he’s ever cared about, Erwin thought. His mother. Kenny. His early
boyfriends, Matthias and Niklaus. Isabel. Farlan. His first Survey Corps team. He nuzzled the dark
hair, hoping he would never be part of that list, for Levi’s sake.

“You are a survivor, Levi,” he whispered, awed.

“I’m tired,” Levi said softly.

“Then let’s sleep.” Erwin extinguished the lamp.

Levi clung to him, ear pressed firmly to the centre of his chest.
The next morning, Levi woke up with the sunrise feeling parched and smelly. He drank two glasses
of water, then brushed his teeth. His eyes were bloodshot, and his nose was red; had he been crying
in his sleep? His stomach dropped as he remembered the conversation from the night before.
Tearing open so many layers of repression had been painful. He wished it had been healing, but
instead, he felt raw. The fake memories and gaps had been easier to bear.

Cleanliness would help. He heated the bath, taking some time to clean himself. He already felt
better without the stale smell of old alcohol clinging to his skin.

Erwin was just stirring when he returned to the bed. Levi crawled over to him and kissed his
cheekbone.

“Mm.” Erwin opened his eyes. His voice was groggy: “Levi? How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Not hung over?”

“No.” Levi sat with his back against the wall, stretching his legs across the mattress. “When does
the carriage pick me up?”

“After breakfast.” Erwin snuggled closer, pressing his cheek to Levi’s thigh.

“Do we have time for sex?”

“Mm,” Erwin said again. “If we’re quick.” He moved his face to Levi’s bare lap, nuzzling him.
“Are you in the mood for it?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“I need to feel close.” He was still feeling vulnerable. But more than that, Erwin’s breath was
warm.

Then there was a warm mouth around him, sucking for one teasing second, and then Erwin pulled
away and sat up. “Let me brush my teeth first.”

Levi was going to stop him, then decided a clean mouth would be more pleasant to kiss. “Don’t
worry about cleaning anything else. I want you to fuck me.”

“Okay. I’d like that.” Erwin paused. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. Stop asking.”

Erwin studied him for a moment longer, then nodded and stepped into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, he returned and crawled on all fours across the bed to Levi. His kiss was deep
and minty, but ended too soon. Levi was going to protest, until he realized Erwin was going for his
lap again.

His mouth was warm and cool at the same time, and tingled from the mint. Levi tried to watch, but
his head was tilting back against his will, and he couldn’t fight it anymore. He clenched the
blankets in tight fists.
Erwin pulled away and kissed the tip. “How do you want me?”

It took Levi a moment to find his voice. “Standing. Against the wall. Don’t hold back.”

“I see,” Erwin said, sounding both surprised and pleased. Broad hands gripped his hips.

The wall was cold against Levi’s back, Erwin warm against his front. He crossed his ankles against
Erwin’s lower back, arms looped around his shoulders. This position was impractical—it was hard
to get a good rhythm going, difficult to touch himself, and he always felt as if he were on the verge
of slipping. But he loved the complete reliance on Erwin to hold him aloft, to control their
movements. He loved feeling the strain in Erwin’s muscles, the possessiveness of his grip.

Their muscles rolled together, friction building between them. Erwin gasped, his face red, his neck
corded with strain. His kiss shoved Levi’s head back against the wall.

Then, abruptly, Erwin slowed down and pulled away. “Levi, I can’t hold back.”

“It’s okay. Keep going.” Levi shoved a hand between them and grabbed himself. It took him
seconds to catch up.

Erwin thrusted hard, his fingertips curling into the back of Levi’s thighs. “I’m coming.”

“Come on.”

“I’m coming. I’m—” Erwin shoved him hard into the wall, burying his moans in Levi’s neck.

Levi heard himself cry out, too, and then he went under, his entire body shaking.

When he finally opened his eyes, Erwin was trembling, as if his muscles were fatigued. Levi
hopped down, but his legs gave way, and he slumped against the wall.

Erwin gave him a lazy kiss. “Sorry, I should have pulled out.”

“It’s fine.” Levi found his legs and wandered to the bedside table for a clean handkerchief.

“You’re travelling. It’ll be messy.”

“Shut up. I feel good.”

They quickly cleaned up, then Erwin collapsed back onto the bed, dropping a forearm over his
eyes.

“Are you going to sleep through our last hour together?” Levi said, starting to regain his energy.

“Mm. You had something else in mind?”

“Breakfast, for a start.”

“Sure. Just give me a moment.” Erwin rolled onto his side, snuggling deeper into the pillow.

Cute. Levi watched him for a moment, then went to the bathroom to clean up. Once he had dressed,
he patted the chest pocket of his jacket out of habit. His hand lingered over the ring.

It’s different from before … and yet …

He studied Erwin’s face, peaceful with sleep. Did it still make sense to carry around the ring like
this? They should probably talk about it someday. It wasn’t a token memory anymore—it was a
symbol of a potential future.

The blond eyelashes parted, and Levi felt shy, as if Erwin had heard his thoughts and awoken. He
reached for a topic change: “Should I give the basement key back to Eren?”

“Yeah.” Erwin’s face was still smooth and relaxed. “It’ll help build his trust in us.”

Levi found Erwin’s jacket on a hanger and reached for the inside pocket. The key was inside, but
so was something else, something metallic and round.

It can’t be.

He pulled it out and stared.

“What the hell?” He turned to face Erwin, pinching the ring between his forefinger and thumb.
“Why do you have this?”

“Ah.” Erwin’s face was sombre. “While you were ill, I was putting away your clothes, and I
accidentally discovered the ring you carry in your pocket. Over your heart. I … liked the idea.”

“You should have told me.”

“We were separated.”

Levi’s jaw set. After a minute to consider, he pulled out a seat and set both rings on the table with a
purposeful clink.

“ Levi?”

“It’s like you said: things were never fucked up between us. They were fucked up around us. We
both chose to carry these knowing exactly what they symbolize.”

Erwin was staring at the rings, his brow furrowed. “Are you … giving your ring back?”

“No, just listen. Ehrmich is never going to happen. Our celebration after Wall Maria might not,
either. Our plans have gone to hell, but that’s always the case. Investors change their minds. Sahlo
dies. A kid turns into a titan , for fuck’s sake.” Levi leaned toward him. “There’s one thing that
always stays the same, no matter how fucked up things get around us. Even when we tried to deny
it, we meant so much to each other that we both ended up carrying these rings in our pockets. So
maybe we should hold on to the one thing that won’t be fucked up, no matter what happens.”

Erwin’s eyes shifted up to him; they were glassy. “I hoped for a nicer venue.”

“Think about how much has passed between us in this hotel room. It’s as good a place as any.”
Levi’s pulse drummed in his throat. “I’m not saying we have to get married right away, but maybe
the promise of it will give us hope when everything else goes to hell.” He grabbed both the rings
and sat beside Erwin on the bed, holding them out in his palm. “If we’re going to keep carrying
these around in our pockets, then take mine. I’ll keep yours.”

“You’re proposing,” Erwin said, as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

“I’m trying to, yeah.”

Erwin’s throat bobbed. His fingers closed around the smaller ring. “I would be honoured to spend
the rest of our lives side-by-side—maybe not always in body, but always in heart.”
The words caught Levi off guard; his jaw wobbled. He didn’t trust himself to speak, so he nodded.

Erwin smiled and leaned up, pressing a long, slow kiss to his lips. Levi felt a tear trickle down his
cheek, and he wasn’t sure whose it was.

When they pulled away, their foreheads rested together.

“My fiancé,” Erwin whispered.

Levi grimaced. “That sounds stuffy.”

“My husband-to-be.”

Levi’s stomach flipped, and he pressed a hand to the back of Erwin’s neck to steady himself.
Husband-to-be. Husband. It felt strange to try to apply such a normal word to their relationship.

“You’re smiling,” Erwin said softly, running a knuckle along his jaw.

“Feels right,” Levi said, and this time, the tear was definitely his.
 Preparations
Chapter Notes

This has taken forever because I've been dealing with real life stuff. Thank you for
your support and patience. There are 2-3 more chapters left in this story, and I hope not
to take so long with the next update, because I need to finish this story by the end of
July 2016!

Note: I broke this chapter into 2 because it was too long for one. I was originally going
to trim out a lot of the fluff, but manga chapters happened and a lot of this hit too close
to home, so the fluff stays, dammit.

Previous chapter: the trial to determine Eren Yeager's fate. Levi's actions at the trial
lead him to talk about his past. Then there's an exchange of rings... :3

-39-

Preparations

Levi slumped against the carriage wall, watching Eren Yeager sleep. They were more than halfway
through the journey; the boy had been sleeping since they had left Mitras. His injuries from the day
before had already fully healed.

Beside Eren, Hange finally finished making notes in a notebook, then tucked it under the seat.
“Looks like the healing process is exhausting. We’ll have to keep that in mind on the field.”

Levi grunted.

Hange carefully crossed to his side of the carriage and dropped onto the bench next to him. “You
okay? You seemed pretty shaken up last night.”

He edged away from the probing brown gaze. “I’m fine.” Maybe he was still conflicted about the
man he had become in the courtroom, but he had a ring in his pocket from someone who thought
he was worth a shared future. That meant something.

“How do you feel about all this?” Hange asked.

“Hard to believe this kid is the key to our future.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees,
studying Eren. “Doesn’t look like much, does he?”

“It’s real, whether we believe it or not,” Hange said. “I’m more concerned about using him to his
full potential.”

“Erwin’s already working on plans.”

“Well, of course. But he needs to know what Eren can do before we can be effective with him.
Eren himself doesn’t even understand his powers yet.” Hange paused. “Amazing how quickly
things changed, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Feels like we might have a real shot now.”

Levi leaned back in the corner, folding his arms over his chest.

When they arrived in Trost, his squad was waiting for them in the courtyard, horses saddled and
ready to go. Levi kicked the sole of Eren’s boot to wake him, then hopped out of the carriage and
stretched his aching legs.

“From a carriage to a horse,” he muttered to Hange. “This was a stupid idea.”

But Hange pushed past him, rushing toward the cordoned-off section of the base to check on the
titan specimens Sawney and Bean.

“Fine. See you tomorrow.” Levi turned to the carriage.

Eren stood in the doorway, shielding his eyes with his arm. Levi realized it had been several days
since the boy had stood in the sunlight. His thoughts flickered to the time he, Farlan and Isabel had
stepped out of the Underground.

The squad was eyeing Eren nervously, but they pulled into salutes as they approached. “Captain!”

“Thank you for choosing us for this special operation, sir,” Eld said.

Levi’s gaze travelled across their eager faces. “Who else would I have picked? You’ve always been
my Special Operations Squad.”

“We’re just honoured, sir,” Petra barked, still in salute. “You had your pick of anyone for this
mission.”

It wasn’t like them to be so tense. Levi glanced back at Eren and found the boy hunched and
sweating.

“Eren,” he said.

“Yes, sir!” Eren hastily stepped forward and pulled into a salute.

“These are your new squad mates: Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral, Eld Jinn, and Gunther Schultz.” To his
surprise, the boy seemed to be mouthing the names along with him. Does he already know who we
are? “ You treat them with respect, and they’ll do the same to you.”

“Of course, sir!” The boy was so on edge that Levi leaned away from him a little. He wasn’t used
to the enthusiasm that came with fresh brats—it had been many years since he had been in direct
contact with fresh blood.

“Welcome to the team, Eren,” Petra said. Her smile was warm, but her gaze was sharp. She held
out a folded Survey Corps cloak. “This one’s old, but it will have to do until your new uniforms
arrive. Sorry, it might be a bit big.”

“That’s fine. Thank you, Ms. Ral.” His hands shook as he draped it around his shoulders and
fastened it.

“I assume Shadis and Berit taught you to ride a horse at their little babysitting centre?” Levi asked.
“Yes, sir.”

“Good. We’re heading to an abandoned base. It’s isolated enough to keep you from rampaging
through Trost if you lose your head.” Levi nodded at the spare horse. “Mount up. Stay at the centre
of the group at all times. If you even think about making a break for it, I’ll carve you up. Got it?”

“Sir!” Eren saluted with a determined look, then mounted the horse with perfect form.

Petra turned her warm smile to Levi, and this time her gaze was soft, too. A show of support. He
looked away. There was no way she would be looking at him so kindly if she had witnessed him
beating the shit out of the kid at the trial.

They set out. He could tell his team wanted to ask questions, but they were either too shy or too
professional. Only Oluo broke the silence, prattling on at Eren in some sort of show of machismo,
until his horse had a misstep and he nearly bit his tongue off. After that, the ride was blissfully
silent. That was fine by Levi. There would be plenty of time for conversation later; it would just be
the six of them until Hange arrived at the base in the morning.

They arrived at the new base after an hour’s leisurely ride. Levi’s lip curled. What a shit hole.
Vines had overgrown the walls, and the windows were so thick with dust that they looked like
sheets of wood. Several of the checkpoints they had stocked outside Wall Rose had been cleaner
than this dump.

There was one small blessing: the downstairs bathroom still had running water. At first, it was dark
with rust and sludge, but after they flushed it out, it was good enough to use for cleaning. Levi sent
his squad members to different areas of the building. This was a large area for such a small team to
clean, but they had a few days to get everything in order, and this would be a good way to break in
Eren. He sent the boy upstairs alone—partly to assess his cleaning style, partly to test if he was
dangerous unsupervised.

To his surprise, Eren came downstairs less than an hour later, face barely marked with dust. Levi
frowned. Berit, you need to teach these brats how to clean. He strode upstairs to double-check his
work. When he swiped under a windowsill, his fingers, as he had suspected, came back caked with
dust. Disgusting.

He strode downstairs, ready to rub Eren’s nose in every dirty patch he had missed, but he paused
before he reached the bottom. He could hear Petra’s voice:

“—he wouldn’t be concerned with rank or the command structure?”

“Right,” Eren’s voice said. “I thought he wouldn’t take orders from anybody.”

Are they talking about me? Levi tilted his head, listening.

“I don’t know all the details,” Petra said, “but I think he used to be like that. I heard that before
Captain Levi joined the Survey Corps, he was a notorious criminal in the city’s Underground.”

Oh? He didn’t realize any of his squad members knew anything about his past.

“I don’t know what happened, exactly,” she continued, “but some people say Commander Erwin
brought him into the Corps.”

“The Commander?”

None of this was any of the kid’s business. Levi poked his head into the room. “Hey. Eren.”
“Yes, sir,” Eren said, jumping. Petra busily began to sweep the floor, distancing herself from them.
She knew firsthand that Levi would never stand for a poor cleaning job.

“You call that clean?” Levi demanded. “Do it all again.”

“Sir.” Eren hurried into the hallway, then up the stairs.

Levi folded his arms over his chest, waiting for Petra. She was doing an admirable job of
pretending she hadn’t noticed him.

“Petra.”

She glanced back and smiled. “Captain.”

“Don’t fill the heads of new recruits with ideas about how close I am with Erwin.”

“Sorry, sir.” Her cheeks darkened. “I suppose it’s still fresh on my mind.”

“Oh.” His stomach dropped. With all that had been happening, he had forgotten she must still be
hurting from their recent conversation. “There’s a lot going on right now. You handling it okay?”

“Yes, sir. As well as can be expected, anyway.”

“I’m not just talking about Eren.”

“I know.” She turned to face him, knuckles white around the broom handle. “I’m honoured you
selected me for your squad, Captain. I intend to devote my life to following you, the way you have
devoted your life to the Commander.” She hesitated. “No—you know what I mean. I believe in our
cause. I believe we have a real shot at saving humanity.” Her eyes had taken on that same
sharpness he had seen the first night he had fought her in the Military Police barracks.

He nodded. “You’re here because you’re one of the best soldiers the Survey Corps has, Petra.
Don’t thank me. You got here on your own.”

She beamed for a moment, but then looked solemn again and nodded. “Thank you, sir.” She did a
half-salute while still holding the broom, then went back to work.

They gathered at sunset to eat a stew Eld had prepared; it was only moderately better than trail
rations, but it was warm, and Levi was comfortable and relaxed by the end of it. He sipped a cup of
tea as the others questioned Eren about his titan powers.

None of this was new to Levi, and his mind wandered to Erwin. How was the proposal going? Was
the Council being extra hard on Erwin because they had Eren in their custody, or were they
pushing things through in an attempt to get him outside the Wall and out of their hair as quickly as
possible?

He heard hoof beats outside; the others didn’t seem to notice. He had wondered when Hange was
going to show up. There was no way the Squad Leader was going to stay away until morning with
a perfectly healthy titan shifter specimen to examine.

“You’re early,” he said as the door opened.

Hange stepped into the room, eyes glowing.

At least that meant he could dump Eren on Hange for the night and get some uninterrupted sleep.
He was surprisingly sore from the carriage, the horse, and cleaning. He settled into a bedroom on
the top floor. The mattress was old and smelled musty, so he sat on it and leaned against the corner
instead, wrapped in his bedroll. The must wouldn’t have been so bad if he had Erwin beside him,
radiating heat and the faint scent of cologne.

It was ridiculous to be missing him after only one night apart; they had spent months apart in the
past. Maybe it was because everything was so new again, a second honeymoon period. Or maybe
he was just shaken by the events of the past few days, and that was making him clingy.

He closed his eyes and let his thoughts wander as he began to drift to sleep. He dreamed of
standing on a bridge in Utopia District with Erwin, staring down at the moonlight that rippled
across the surface of the hot springs.

A persistent orange sunbeam across Levi’s eyelids awoke him the next morning. He was surprised
he had managed to sleep through the night; he must have really been worn out. He stood and
stretched, then headed to the one working bathroom. It was well past time to sound reveille, but he
wanted to wash in private first.

After a quick, unsatisfying combat shower with a bucket and metallic-scented water, he began
knocking on doors to wake up his squad. He went to the basement last, but Eren wasn’t there.
Hange must have kept him up all night; he expected they were both still sitting in the dining hall,
exactly where he had left them.

He was almost at the door when a voice behind him yelled, “Captain!”

He whirled and saw Moblit running toward him, face streaked with sweat.

“Where’s Squad Leader Hange?” Moblit came to a halt in front of him, breathing hard.

“Probably in the dining hall. What happened?”

“It’s the titan specimens. Someone killed them.”

Shit. “ We’ll meet you in the courtyard.”

They rode as a group back to Trost on empty stomachs, Hange at the helm, face streaked with
tears. Levi’s squad was surprisingly quiet; they all understood the gravity of the situation. The titan
specimens were valuable research subjects, and slaughtering them was treason.

The titan corpses were still billowing steam when they arrived. Gunther and Eld took the horses
while Hange and Moblit ran ahead. The Military Police and the Garrison had already taken over
the crime scene; Hange pushed past them and dropped to a kneel in front of the dissipating
skeletons, sobbing.

Levi’s throat tightened. Maybe they could capture another set of titans for Hange during the
upcoming expedition. The emotional display was at once embarrassing and heartbreaking, and he
didn’t want to watch another second of it.

“The Military Police can handle the rest of this,” he said to Eren. “Let’s go.” But when he turned to
leave, he stopped.
Erwin stood behind them, leaning in close to Petra, saying something earnest into her ear. Her face
was pale.

Levi’s breath caught. You’re still supposed to be in Mitras.

Erwin caught his gaze and nodded a greeting; he began to march toward them, but instead of
heading to Levi, he zeroed in on Eren. His hands dropped onto the boy’s shoulders, and he leaned
close, murmuring something to him, too.

What the hell are you up to? Levi signalled to Petra.

“Captain,” Petra said, hurrying over.

“Keep an eye on Eren, and see if Hange and the MP need any help,” Levi said. “I’ll meet you back
here in an hour.”

In front of him, Erwin stood tall and turned to face him. Their eyes locked; whatever he wanted to
discuss, it had to be done in private. Levi spun on his heel and began to walk to the gate.

Once they were at the end of the driveway, Erwin fell into step beside him.

“The apartment?” Levi said.

“Yes. Too many ears at the base right now.” Erwin glanced at him. “Your squad can handle Eren
without you?”

“Wouldn’t have left him behind otherwise. I thought you were going to be in Mitras for a while.”

“The expedition planning meeting took exactly one hour.”

Levi snorted; if only it could always be so easy. “They couldn’t wait to get Eren outside the Wall,
could they?”

“Precisely. Let’s split up—take a right at the next intersection and go the long way around.”

“Sure.” Levi needed breakfast, anyway. He stopped at a bakery and bought a small jam bun,
scarfing it down as he walked. It left his fingers sticky, and he frowned. The apartment doorknob
took a second to open with his palms as he tried not to get his dirty fingers all over it.

He stepped inside, and his face settled into a grimace. He had expected to be hit by nostalgia the
instant he stepped inside the room, but the chaos of it was unsettling. Although the building was
still standing solidly after the attack on Trost, the thundering footsteps of titans around the building
must have knocked books off the shelves. The air was thick with dust. Erwin was righting fallen
objects on his desk; it looked as if one of the lamps had smashed.

Levi marched for the bathroom to wash his hands. “What do you make of the attack on Hange’s
titans?”

“I know Hange wouldn’t want to hear this, but it’s a good sign.” Erwin stepped into the doorframe
and leaned against it, watching him wash up. “For one thing, it makes it extremely likely that the
Colossal and Armoured titans—or their sympathizers—are indeed living inside the walls. They’re
within our reach. For another, it means we were on track to potentially learn something valuable
about titans. The attackers wanted to prevent us from knowing that something.”

“Could have just been a vengeful soldier,” Levi said. “Someone frustrated with what titans did to
the city, or avenging a loved one.” He scrubbed his fingernails.

“Possibly.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“My gut tells me this is connected to the Wall attack, Eren, and his basement key. Treason is a lot
to risk for petty revenge.”

Levi turned off the tap and shook his hands into the basin, then reached for the towel. “Is that
really your gut, or just wishful thinking?”

“We’ll find out soon. The Military Police are checking the gear of all soldiers for unauthorized
use.”

“Hm.” Levi strode to the door.

Instead of stepping aside, Erwin caught him under the chin and lunged down to kiss him. His
tongue slid deep into Levi’s mouth for a moment, then he pulled away.

“Shit,” Levi whispered, heat flooding his face and his groin.

Erwin kissed his jaw, then his neck, arms wrapping around him. “We’re going to try to lure out
other titan shifters.” He pressed Levi into the doorframe and kissed his neck again, a bit more
roughly. “We’ll start by—”

“Hey, hey; stop.” Levi pushed him away so they could make eye contact. “Are you seriously trying
to fuck me and talk strategy at the same time?”

“Yes. I figured we were short on time.”

“I’ve got a full hour. I can’t concentrate if you’re groping me. Choose one: fuck and then talk, or
talk and then fuck.”

He expected Erwin to prioritize their strategy planning, so he was surprised when the reply was,
“Fuck first.”

Levi’s breath caught. “Oh?”

Erwin began to kiss his neck, more aggressively this time. “It won’t take long. I need to be inside
you.”

“Shit. Yeah, okay.”

They staggered toward the bed—narrowly missing a pile of fallen books—and Levi fell back onto
the mattress, pulling Erwin on top of him. Erwin ground against his thigh, already rock hard.

Levi shoved a hand between them to grab him. “A single night apart, and look how hard you are,
you horny bastard.”

“The hotel bed smelled like you,” Erwin said, panting. “So did the bed at the base. I swear even the
carriage did. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Levi’s head was spinning. “How do you want me?”

“Face-down. Stick your ass in the air.” Erwin tossed his jacket onto the chair, then stood to undo
his pants. Levi unbuckled his pants, too, and tore off the quilt to get rid of the layer of dust. He
positioned himself on the bed, hastily hiking his shirt and jacket up his back.

Then he felt a drizzle of oil, the gentle nudge of Erwin waiting for him to relax. Then slowly,
slowly, Erwin worked his way into him. He was crouching over Levi, almost squatting, and the
angle was deep.

Levi buried his face into the mattress and swore.

He felt a hand smooth his back. “Is that okay?”

Levi nodded, hands curling into fists in the sheets.

Then Erwin was moving inside him, over him. A hand curled into his hair. Each thrust was
forceful enough to shove his face into the mattress, and he wished he could see Erwin’s face, but
the roughness of it felt so good that he didn’t want to change positions. He could hear the buckles
of their belts clanking, the bed creaking, and above it all, Erwin’s breaths, harsh and forceful.

A hand slid down his hip, around to his front, then wrapped around him, warm and tight. Levi cried
out loudly into the mattress and began to thrust into the grip, bucking back with each thrust.

“Levi,” Erwin gasped.

Levi lifted his head just enough to say, “Harder. Grab my hips. I’ll touch myself.”

He felt fingers dig tightly into his hips, and he reached between his legs to tug at himself, trying to
catch up. He could feel Erwin getting very close now, could hear it in the cadence of his gasps.

But Erwin surprised him, slowing down and letting out a low hum. “Your ass,” he murmured,
running his hands over it. “Your beautiful ass. Can I … ” He trailed off.

“Yeah,” Levi said, knowing what he was always too shy to voice.

“Yeah?” Erwin began to pick up speed again.

“Yeah. Come on me.”

“Fuck.”

“Come on, do it.” Levi counterthrust against him, skin slapping against skin.

Erwin gave a cry that was almost a wail and pulled out as he came, and Levi was so aroused that
the warm mess on his ass made his head spin. He was close, he was so close, but he was already
missing the powerful thrusts behind him.

“Slap me,” he gasped.

“Your ass?”

“Yeah. Hard.”

Erwin smacked his ass once, twice, and that was enough; Levi buried his face in the mattress
again, crying out as orgasm violently overtook him.

When he came back to himself, he realized Erwin was already mopping him up with a
handkerchief.
“You didn’t get any on my uniform, did you?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

Levi twisted his head to eye him. “Now we have fifty-eight minutes to talk.”

Erwin chuckled, sounding a bit sheepish: “That wasn’t quite the slow, gentle lovemaking I’d been
picturing.”

“We’re responsible, sticking to our schedule.”

“True. Efficiency is important.” Erwin finished cleaning him up, then gently clapped his ass to let
him know he was done. His hand lingered, smoothed him. “Your ass is red.”

“Well, you were going at it pretty hard.” Levi rolled onto his back, still out of breath; stars swam in
his vision.

“Sorry.”

“I’m not complaining. You don’t lose control very often. It’s hot when you do.” He reached out
and clumsily ran a hand down Erwin’s arm. He loved the way Erwin looked in his uniform without
his jacket.

But he couldn’t fully enjoy the beautiful view for long, because beyond it, he could see the clutter
around the room. He stood and pulled up his pants, buckling his belt. “Alright, so what’s going on
with this expedition?”

Erwin ran a hand through his hair, sitting upright. “We’re going to set a trap to lure out our
enemies.”

Levi began to pick up the books scattered across the floor. “Anyone else know this?”

“So far, just you and me. This is highly confidential—ultimately, only those of us who joined the
Survey Corps before Wall Maria’s fall will know the truth about this plan.”

“That won’t be many people.”

“No, it won’t. But we can’t discount the possibility that any of the other soldiers are shifters who
came in when the wall fell.” Erwin finished adjusting his buckles, then strode to the desk. He
pulled out a topographical map and unrolled it. “As far as the Council and most of our troops
know, we’ll be taking a short expedition to assess Eren’s performance on the field and update
maps outside of Karanes. If we don’t encounter any other titan shifters, that will indeed be the
case. If my suspicions are correct, however, and a titan shifter appears, we’ll want to lure them to
this grove of giant trees.” He tapped the map.

Levi set a stack of books on the shelf and approached the desk. The grove wasn’t far from Karanes
—probably less than an hour’s ride. “I see. We can easily use the gear in those. Best place to stage
a battle.”

“Exactly, and I’ll enlist Hange’s help in making sure we have quick, effective weapons to trap any
titan shifters who pursue us.”

“Trap? Not kill?”

“We want to take the person inside alive so we can question them.” Erwin looked up at him. “Your
job will be to protect our bait.”

“Eren?”

“Yes. He seemed genuinely shocked at Sawney and Bean’s deaths when I questioned him earlier,
so I don’t believe he’s in league with any other titan shifters. It is, however, reasonable to assume
any titan shifters would be interested in him. They stopped the attack on Trost before destroying
the inner gate when they could have easily taken it out—something caught their interest, right
around the time Eren appeared.”

Levi frowned. “So you’re assuming there are shifters living within the walls, and they’re not allied
with Eren, but they’ll be interested enough in him to show themselves on this particular
expedition?”

“Yes.”

“Lots of assumptions.”

“I know,” Erwin said. “But think about what happens if I’m wrong: nothing of note. We complete
our mission as planned, the Council is happy, and we have extra weapons on hand in case a shifter
appears some other time. It costs us very little to make this gamble, but we have lots to potentially
gain.”

That was true, and Levi knew better than to underestimate Erwin’s assumptions. He thought back
to traps he had set with his gang in the Underground. “Where will Eren be in the formation?”

“In the safest position,” Erwin said. “Dead centre. He may be bait, but we want to keep him alive
at all costs.”

“Tell each team he’s in a different location,” Levi said. “That way, if we have a shifter or a mole,
we’ll be able to tell which team they’re connected to based on where they look for Eren first.”

Erwin lifted his head with his brows raised, impressed. “That’s a brilliant idea.”

Levi shrugged, trying not to show the pride he was feeling. “It’s how we used to track down
snitches during operations in the Underground.”

“It also buys us some time to keep your squad safe until you’re close to the forest. But if it all falls
apart—”

“Protect Eren at all costs,” Levi said.

“Right.”

Erwin pulled out wooden markers, and they spent a long time discussing formation and team
composition. After half an hour, Levi returned to cleaning while they spoke, taking the opportunity
to stretch his legs. He had almost finished tidying when Erwin said,

“It’s been about an hour now. You should get back to your squad.”

“Yeah.” Levi carefully folded a dusting rag and set it in the cleaning supplies bucket. “When are
you coming to the base?”

“In a few days. I’m going to stay in Trost until at least the recruitment ceremony.”

“I’ll send a couple people to the ceremony,” Levi said. “They can escort you safely to the base.”
“That isn’t necessary.”

“I know. I’ll send people anyway.” He didn’t like leaving Erwin unprotected at a time when there
was so much uncertainty in the world. “So it’ll be a few days until I see you again, huh?”

“Yeah.” Erwin approached him, face soft. For a moment, they stared at each other.

Then Levi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his cheek to the centre of
the broad chest. “It’s harder to be apart now.”

“I know.”

“Why is that?”

“Because everything feels new again.” He felt a kiss on top of his head. “Because most people,
when they’re engaged, have time to celebrate it.”

“Engaged,” Levi repeated softly, the word still unfamiliar.

“I must admit, Levi … ” Erwin squeezed him tighter. “It feels good to share a secret with you
again, one only the two of us know. It reminds me of the early days.”

The early days. It was strange for Levi to think about how insecure he had been back then, how
upset he had been to learn about the imperfect parts of the man he now knew and loved.

He took a step back and looked up. Now, when he looked at Erwin, he didn’t see ideals or
contradictions. He just saw him, Erwin Smith, as he truly was.

“Levi?” Erwin asked gently.

“I love you.”

Erwin smiled, and bent down for a soft kiss.

Levi’s squad was silent as they rode back to the abandoned base. Hange and Moblit had stayed
behind for one night, presumably to mourn. He imagined they would be cheered up considerably
by speaking with Erwin about new traps for the upcoming expedition. It sounded like the influx of
money they had received from Sahlo would buy some top-quality parts.

The next several days passed quickly in a flurry of cleaning, training, and supervising Hange’s
experiments with Eren. There was one small incident—after a full day of unsuccessful shifting
experiments, Eren reached for a fallen spoon and accidentally spawned a titan’s arm. Levi’s squad
had been ready to kill him on the spot, and it had been surprisingly difficult for Levi to talk them
down. Fear of titans ran deeply through each of them; even Levi had felt that instinctive spark, had
only stayed his own hand by mentally repeating his orders from Erwin: Eren must be protected at
all costs.

Luckily, he had successfully de-escalated the situation before anything got out of control. The
stress was worthwhile: the incident helped Hange nail down why Eren was having difficulties
transforming into a titan. It wasn’t enough to simply injure himself and wait; he needed a purpose
in mind in order to transform. Levi couldn’t fathom how that could possibly make a difference, but
it seemed to help. Over the next several days, Eren began to demonstrate control over his shifting
ability.

The day after the recruitment ceremony, the new recruits arrived. There were only twenty-one, the
smallest influx they had ever had. Maybe that should have been worrying, but Levi knew they were
still likely to receive Garrison aid when they made an attempt on Wall Maria. The Military Police,
however, were an unknown. He doubted Nile would send his soldiers to fight alongside Eren.
Maybe a successful first expedition would sway him.

In spite of the trauma they must have endured during the attack on Trost, the new recruits were as
noisy as any other batch, and Levi decided to leave Eren’s supervision to the others and step away
while they got settled. Instead, he waited by the stables, hoping to spot Erwin. Unfortunately, only
Dita and a handful of his squad members had arrived with them.

“Change of plans,” Dita said. “The Commander’s helping Mike coordinate transport to Karanes.
He doesn’t expect to visit for another day or two.”

A legitimate excuse, but Levi was disappointed anyway.

That night, as his squad ate dinner, Levi was surprised to see that Eren was restless. His eyes kept
shifting to the table of new recruits. Levi studied him, still not quite sure what to make of the boy.
Sometimes he looked like a beast hunting for meat, dangerous beyond his years; other times, he
looked like any other new recruit, impatient and naïve. At any rate, he had been working hard, and
he had lived day in and day out with people who would kill him if he stepped out of line. That had
to be hard on his morale.

“Go eat with them.”

Eren’s eyes snapped to him. “Sir?”

“Your friends.” Levi leaned back in his chair and took a sip of tea before he continued, “Ceiling’s
too low for you to transform in here, anyway. Report back to Eld immediately after the meal.”

“Thank you, Captain.” The boy grabbed his food and hurried across the room.

Levi leaned close to Eld. “After dinner, take him back to the classroom and go over the signal
flares again. Don’t let shitglasses try to steal him away for more research. All the titan powers in
the world will be worthless if he doesn’t know the formation.”

“Yes, Captain,” Eld said. “Oluo, you can help.”

Oluo let out a weary sigh. “Fine. I’ll share my vast knowledge with the brat.”

“Do you need company this evening, Captain?” Petra asked.

A stroll would be pleasant, but what he really needed right now was space. “No, I need you and
Gunther to help Dita’s team inspect the horses. Make sure the new recruits are caring for them
properly.” He drained the rest of his tea, then pushed back his chair.

He missed the privacy of the guard tower back in Trost. This base’s spires were walled up, with
only arrow slits in the walls; far too confining. He had tried to get onto the roof of a spire once,
only to realize it was too steep to sit comfortably.

Instead, he wandered along the perimeter of the base. Without the lamps and lit windows of the
city, the stars were as bright and clear as the crystals that studded the ceiling of the Underground.
When he studied them, he felt a cold, shrinking sensation in his stomach that made him look away.

When he circled to the front of the base, he spotted a faint orange light on the road. He stopped,
watching. It had to be Erwin—there was no reason for anyone else to come out to the base, and
there were no major roads nearby.

Even if it wasn’t Erwin, the light warranted investigation. He strode to the stables and quickly
saddled up his horse.

As he drew closer to the light, it split into three. Two lanterns belonged to riders on horseback, one
to a cart.

“Erwin?” he called.

“Good evening, Levi.” The horses halted in front of him. Erwin and Nifa rode on horseback, and
one of Dita’s Team Leaders, Marlene, was driving the cart.

Erwin turned to the women. “You can go on ahead to the base. I’d like to speak with Captain Levi
in private.” He dismounted.

“You want to talk out here?” Levi said.

“We’re close to the base, and it’s a nice night. We can talk and walk the horses in.”

Once the cart was far enough away, Erwin leaned down, hugging Levi with one arm, carefully
holding the lantern with the other.

“Why are we out here?” Levi asked, suspicious. “You going to try to fuck me in a tree again?”

Erwin stared at him blankly for a moment.

“That night we saw Wall Maria.”

Erwin let out a deep laugh. “I’d almost forgotten about that.”

“You going senile already? That was less than a year ago.”

“Hm. I wouldn’t have rushed here if I knew you were going to be cranky.”

“You’d be cranky, too, if you were surrounded by shrieking brats all day.” Levi paused, then
leaned in for another hug, this one longer. “Dita said you weren’t coming.”

“I wasn’t, but we got the transport sorted out early, so I figured I should check in.” Erwin nuzzled
the top of his head. “I have a day or two free to make sure the training is going well, and to visit
with my fiancé. Then I’ll head back to Trost to follow up on some merchant orders. I expect I’ll be
bouncing a lot between here, Trost, Karanes, and maybe even Mitras for the next couple weeks.”

Levi had hoped he was staying longer, but at least a couple nights in the same bed was better than
none. He breathed in the scent of sweat and cologne—stronger than usual—and every hair on his
body stood on end. “Do we have time to fuck in a tree?”

Erwin chuckled. “I haven’t bathed in three days.”

“What?” Levi jerked away to eye him, not sure if his revulsion outweighed his desire.
“Things have been very busy. I need to clean up before we do anything. Besides, we can’t climb a
tree; you don’t have any gear on.”

“So make sure I don’t fall.”

“You’d trust me to keep you secure? After two seconds of your touch, I’ll be too clumsy. Besides,
it’s been a while since you were inside me, and that lines up better if we’re lying down.” Erwin
kissed his forehead, then stood tall again. “I’ll come find you once all the rounds and updates are
complete, and we can spend a leisurely night together.”

“After you’re clean.”

“Yes, I intend to bathe and eat as soon as I set foot in the base. How are things going with Eren?”

They padded toward the base with the horses in tow, taking their time, as Levi gave all his updates.
Erwin had a few updates for him about their timeline and supplies, but he seemed to be holding
something back.

“What’s in the cart?” Levi asked, taking a guess at what he might be avoiding.

“A few provisions, including some tea for you. One of the merchants was kind enough to give me
a sample of a new strain that’s trendy with the noble class. Most of the supplies, however, are for
Hange and Moblit: materials for the new titan traps.”

“As if shitglasses wasn’t wound up enough already,” Levi muttered.

“Yes, I think they’re both going to be extremely happy, Hange in particular. Sahlo didn’t just leave
us funds; he left us connections. The supplier gave us several free upgrades when she realized
where the money was coming from.”

Levi’s lip curled at the mention of the lord, but he said, “I see. And those are all your updates?”

“For now. There’s more, but I want to make sure we’re in a secure location, with four walls around
us.”

“Okay.”

At the base, they handed off the horses to Marlene and Petra. Levi led Erwin to the bathroom and
handed him the bucket he was using for makeshift showers. Erwin grimaced as he put his hand
under the one working tap.

“It’s ice cold. Maybe I’ll wait until I’m back in Trost after all.”

Levi could tell he was teasing, but he flattened his lips anyway. “Shame to come all the way out
here and not get laid.”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not, but I’d better not take any chances.” Erwin filled the bucket.

Once he was clean, they returned to the dining hall. Levi could tell Erwin was about to launch into
introductions and updates with the other soldiers, so he sat him down with a bowl of stew first,
determined to get him fed before he lost track of time. He sat protectively beside Erwin, eyeing
those who looked like they might approach.

Hange was the only one who wasn’t intimidated, dropping into a chair across from them. “Hey,
Erwin, I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.”
“He’s eating.”

“It’s okay, Levi,” Erwin said. “I’m sure Hange would like to hear about the materials I’ve
brought.”

The dark eyes lit up. “Oh?”

“I have an inventory for you. Please let me know if we’re short on anything you need. Let’s meet
first thing in the morning and go over the list.”

“Not now? I have blueprints ready.”

“I have other things I’d like to take care of tonight.”

“Ah,” Hange said slyly, drawing out the word. The dark eyes shifted between Erwin and Levi.

“Purely business, I assure you,” Erwin said. “Shall we meet here at seven in the morning and start
our discussions over breakfast?”

“Sure, I’ll see you then. It’s good to have you here, sir.” Hange stood and grinned. “Maybe your
Captain will be less grumpy after you’ve discussed business with him for a while. You did make
sure the office door has a lock on it, didn’t you, Levi?”

Levi gave an irritable sigh.

Once the meal was done, they approached the table where the new 104th recruits sat. The youths
grew silent as their leaders approached, eyes wide.

“Welcome to the Survey Corps,” Erwin said pleasantly. “I hope you’ve had the opportunity to
settle into your quarters and familiarize yourselves with the base. You will begin training in the
morning with Squad Leader Ness. I apologize for training you in a base with such old facilities—
we’ll be settling you in Karanes closer to the expedition date. Eren Yeager will be attending several
of your training sessions.”

Eren’s eyes lit up. “I will, sir?”

“Yes, though the bulk of your training will be conducted by Captain Levi and his squad.” His chin
lifted. “If any of you have any concerns or questions, please direct them to your Squad Leader.”

“Thank you, sir,” the new recruits said, almost in unison.

And then, at last, they were able to retreat into private. Many of the offices were in too much
disrepair to use, but Levi had saved the best one for Erwin, with one long table for maps and
meetings, and a smaller one to use as a desk.

Erwin closed the door behind them as Levi carried a lamp to the centre of the small table.

“You’ve done a good job with this place,” Erwin said, running his fingers along the windowsill.
“It’s hard to believe it went unused for so long.”

“The eastern half is still filthy. My squad will keep working on that tomorrow.” Levi pulled up a
chair and sat. “So, spit it out. What weren’t you saying earlier?”

Erwin sat, too. “I’ve taken your advice and planned to have Eren’s location obscured within the
formation. To further plant the seeds, I told the 104th about the basement key during the
recruitment ceremony.”
“That’s a lot of information to divulge.”

“It is. But it’s reasonable to assume anyone desperate enough to kill Sawney and Bean to keep us
ignorant about titans would also be desperate to prevent us from reaching the basement. If there are
other titan shifters among the 104th, we need to make sure they take our bait.”

“Hold on,” Levi said, “you think the Armoured and Colossal Titans ended up in the 104th?”

“It’s unlikely. None of the new recruits are over age seventeen, so none were older than twelve
when the attack occurred. But we must assume every soldier who joined our ranks after Wall
Maria’s attack is a potential threat, and the new recruits will be excited and chatty, so word will
spread.” Erwin leaned forward across the desk. “This includes your squad, Levi. If any of them
make a move toward Eren and his key—”

“They would have done it already,” Levi said. “Back when there were only a few of us here.”

“Maybe, unless they needed to maintain their cover. It’s unlikely any of them are threats, but we
can’t safely discount them.”

“I know,” Levi said, irritated. This whole war had been a lot simpler back when the line between
humans and titans had been clearcut.

They spent the next couple hours going over the strategy in detail, then talking about the best ways
to roll it out to the troops. After that, they did rounds together, then, satisfied that everyone was
where they should be, at last retired to the bedroom.

“There weren’t enough rooms for the new recruits’ sleeping quarters,” Levi said, “so I paired up a
few of the officers. You and I get this room.” He opened the door. It was a small room with a
window and, most importantly, a single working lock.

“Convenient,” Erwin said, testing the locked door.

They lay their bedrolls side-by-side and Levi was about to extinguish the lamp, but Erwin caught
his hand.

“Leave it on. I want to see you.”

The bedrolls were hard and awkward, but as they began to kiss, Levi forgot about his discomfort.
He sank into Erwin, felt the broad legs wrap around him.

“You’re being so gentle,” Erwin whispered.

“Hm?” Levi rocked into him. “Is that strange?”

“No, it’s just … ” Erwin slowly rocked his hips to meet him. “How many times have we had sex
now? It must be in the hundreds. And it’s different every single time. It’s as if there’s no limit to
the ways our bodies can connect, to the ways we can make each other feel. We’re eternal, Levi,
you and me.”

Levi slowed and lifted his head to look up at him. “Are you getting sentimental?”

“Yes.” Erwin held his gaze.

Levi studied him for a moment, then moved his hips in a circular motion, gently massaging his
insides. Erwin’s eyelids fluttered and he breathed several curses. He reached out a hand and Levi
took it, fingers interlacing.

“I need it slow tonight,” Levi whispered. “I want us to get lost in each other.”

“Take your time.” Erwin pressed a kiss into the knuckles of their joined hands. “When you move
like that, I can feel the shape of you so clearly inside me. It’s glorious.” His eyes closed, his head
tilting back, as if he were basking in a hot spring. Levi wasn’t sure why the sight filled his eyes
with tears; maybe he was feeling sentimental, too.

The lamp was low by the time they were done. Erwin spooned behind him, skin damp and
radiating heat, and gave a low, contented rumble. Their hands found each other again. Levi reached
out to extinguish the lamp.

He intended to take some time to savour the feeling of lying together, but Erwin’s embrace was so
cozy that he couldn’t stay awake.

After the slowness of their night, the flurry of activity the next morning was a shock. The day
passed in a blur of planning, cleaning, and training. Levi was exhausted and yawning by the time
he and Erwin met up in their shared bedroom.

“Do you need sleep?” Erwin asked, running a knuckle along his jaw.

“Are you still leaving for Trost tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“Then screw sleep.” Levi tugged his bolo tie, drawing him down for a kiss.

They stayed up so late that they overslept the next morning, and then Erwin was off to Trost.

Separation was difficult now, but looking after Eren filled Levi’s days and there wasn’t much time
to mope. Eren was an attentive pupil, and while it was necessary for Levi to maintain professional
distance—he might still have to kill him one day—he already felt himself growing fond of the kid.
He hadn’t had such an enthusiastic pupil since Petra. Eren wasn’t very quick to pick up instruction,
but he made up for it by stubbornly obsessing over details until he got them right. Levi was
beginning to see what Berit had meant about Eren being a top student through tenacity alone.
Isabel had been the same way, back when she had learned to use the 3DMG—

No, he couldn’t keep comparing all his subordinates to Farlan and Isabel. That was a dangerous
habit to get into.

One night, after what had appeared to be a particularly frustrating training session, Levi checked on
Eren at lights out. He found Eren lying on his stomach on the bed, rereading notes about the
formation. Levi quietly strode to the side of the bed to peer down at the notebook.

“Your writing looks like shit.” It was even messier than Levi’s.

“Captain!” Eren sat up, clumsily saluting. “Sorry, sir. I know it’s lights out; I was just—”

“Relax.” Levi leaned against the wall, folding his arms over his chest. “Lose a bit of sleep if it
helps you learn the formation. I don’t want your inexperience getting us killed on the battlefield.
Do you have any questions?”

“No, sir. It’s straight-forward; I just need to memorize it.”

Levi studied him. “Are you curious about why you aren’t allowed to tell anyone where we will be
located in the formation?”

“No, I figure the Commander has a good reason for it, sir.”

“Good. He does. Don’t tell anyone, even your friends—the angry girl and the blond boy.”

“Of course not, sir.”

“And knock off that ‘sir’ crap. You don’t have to use it every sentence. So long as you’re calling
me Captain, that’s good enough. We aren’t as formal here as they are in other parts of the
military.”

Eren nodded, face reddening. “It’s a lot different on the field than it was in training.”

“I know.” Levi felt a wave of sympathy. “And you got thrust into an elite squad right away, so you
don’t even have the time to adapt to everything gradually like your friends.” That had been his
experience, too. Erwin had shoved him so quickly through the ranks that it had been dizzying at
times. But at least Levi had been in his mid-twenties, with years of experience leading people in
combat Underground. Eren was still a kid. “Are you adjusting okay?”

“Captain?” Eren’s brows pinched.

“You went from being a regular trainee, to being an enemy of humanity, to being humanity’s hope,
all within the period of a couple weeks. That’s a lot to take in.”

“It is, but … ” Eren’s eyes narrowed. “I have to work hard. I have to succeed. Humanity is
depending on me.” He turned to Levi, eyes crackling with energy. “We almost lost Wall Rose. We
have to stop them, because that must never happen. We have to kill them all.”

The hair on the back of Levi’s neck stood on end, but he kept his gaze steady; he had to maintain
the appearance that he wasn’t intimidated. “Let’s start by succeeding at this expedition. Study as
late as you want, but make sure you get some sleep. Hange wants to spend tomorrow afternoon
testing your regenerative abilities.” It was something to do with a new weapon—he hadn’t been
interested enough to ask.

Talking about Hange reminded him that he hadn’t had a good chat with the Squad Leader since
before the attack, but when he approached the lab, Hange and Moblit were engrossed in deep
conversation over some blueprints. Not wanting to interrupt, Levi headed back upstairs. He was
happy the two of them were getting so many opportunities to do what they loved, but if he was
honest with himself, he missed Hange.

The rest of Levi’s squad was in the middle of a card game, empty bottles of ale cluttering the table.
He stood in the doorway, staring down his nose at them.

“Hey. It’s lights out. Whose turn is it to watch Eren?”

“Mine, Captain.” Gunther stood and held out the cards. “You want to take my hand?”

Levi eyed his chips, significantly smaller than the rest. “Looks like you’re almost out of the game.
The rest of you should get some sleep, anyway.”

“Just one hand, Captain,” Petra said with a sly smile.

He nodded at the enormous pile of chips in front of her. “Hoping to clean up?”

“If I’m lucky.”

“Fine, one hand.” He sat.

One hand turned into a second, then a third. The banter flew. Levi found himself making dry quips
of his own. Everything had been so grim lately; it was nice to remember the camaraderie he felt
with his squad. Most squads grew close in the Survey Corps, but not like this one. This one was so
small, and they had been so isolated during their scouting trip up north that he felt as if they were
his family.

Levi returned to his bedroom far later than he should have. He didn’t sleep well when Erwin
wasn’t around, anyway; the bedroll still smelled like cologne. He pulled a chair to the window
instead and studied the moon, wondering if Erwin was up on the guard tower in Trost, watching the
moon, thinking of Levi. It seemed unlikely he’d go up there alone, especially this late at night, but
it was a nice image. The fact that Erwin could look up at any time and see this same moon from
Trost made Levi feel a little less lonely. Unless it’s a cloudy night there, I guess.

He woke up at dawn still in his chair, his chin tucked to his chest.

At the end of the week, Erwin joined them for a quick overnight visit to deliver further updates. He
and Levi stayed up late to share drinks with Hange and Moblit, discussing the weapons in
development. The new technology sounded promising: barbed spears that used a titan’s healing
powers against it by burrowing deeper into its joints and flesh.

“The faster it heals, the quicker we lock it down,” Hange said with an eerie grin. “It’ll be anchored
to our cannons.”

“You’re sure it works?” Erwin said.

“We can’t be absolutely sure until we see it in action. But Eren graciously let me try a miniature
barb on his arm, and it seemed to—”

“Hold on,” Levi said. “You stabbed him?”

“It was his idea to try a smaller one, just on his forearm.”

“You told me you were only talking to him.”

“It healed right away—it didn’t hurt him much.”

Levi smacked the back of the ponytailed head. “He might have transformed, and if he had been
feral, I wouldn’t have been there to stop him. You have to be more careful with him, four-eyes.”

“That’s what I said.” Moblit took a long drink.

“I’m sorry.” Hange looked miserable. “We don’t have any other titan specimens, and we can’t go
into the field with a theoretical weapon. We need to make sure it works.”

“Did you get the information you needed?” Erwin asked, authoritative.

All eyes shifted to him.

“Yes,” Hange said.

“Then the risk was worth it this time, but don’t do it again. Aside from the risks Levi mentioned,
it’s unethical to use a soldier as a lab specimen. We’re putting him under enough duress as it is.”
He studied them each in turn. “You’re probably wondering why I have you designing stationary
traps for what is essentially a scouting expedition.”

Hange’s eyes gleamed. “I think I figured it out.”

“Oh?”

“This isn’t a scouting expedition at all. You’re trying to use Eren to lure out the Colossal or
Armoured titans. That’s why you made the basement key common knowledge—you know the
people who murdered poor Sawney and Bean are going to want to stop us from getting whatever is
in that basement.”

Not bad, four-eyes, Levi thought.

Erwin looked impressed, too. “That’s exactly right. We’ll be obscuring Eren’s position within the
formation to give us a better chance at getting to the area where the traps are set, allowing us to
capture whichever shifter attacks us—I’m assuming it would be the Armoured Titan, given that the
Colossal Titan doesn’t seem very mobile. Do you think your traps could pierce the Armoured
Titan’s thick skin?”

Hange shrugged. “Good question. We can accelerate the force and run some tests on stone.”

“Good. Your squad will be riding in the vanguard with Command so we can quickly set up the
traps before any titan shifter guests arrive. Only a handful of trusted comrades will know about this
plan, so don’t share this with anyone.”

“With no disrespect intended, Commander,” Moblit said, “this sounds like a risky mission to
undertake while the Capital is watching us so closely. And Eren seems to barely have a grasp on
how to transform, let alone how to harness his powers and use them effectively.”

“You’re right,” Levi said, “but we’re short on time. They didn’t finish their attack on Trost, and
they might try again any day now. If they succeed in taking down Wall Rose, we’re fucked.”

“Eren blocked the entrance.”

“With a boulder. If he can move it in, other titan shifters can move it out.”

“Perhaps it’s best that we’re being forced to take risks, anyway,” Erwin said. “Being cautious is
what led to us throwing away hundreds of soldiers’ lives to build a supply pathway we can barely
salvage now. With a bit less prudence, we might have been able to make a real attempt on Wall
Maria before the titans had even had a chance to attack Wall Rose, and all those deaths wouldn’t
have been in vain. The stakes are significantly higher than we believed. Humanity needs to take
bigger risks if we’re going to gain any real ground against the titans.”
Levi gave him a sharp glance, not liking the sombre note to his tone. “It’s not as bad as all that. The
Wall Maria reclamation effort was probably going to fail. We all knew that going in. Now we’ve
got a real chance to reclaim it.”

“If there happens to be a boulder nearby for Eren to seal the gate with,” Moblit said dryly, and he
took another swig from his bottle.

They were silent for a few minutes as they finished their drinks, then Hange stood. “If that’s
everything, I’m going to make a few more tweaks to the prototype before I go to bed.”

Moblit grimaced. “You didn’t sleep last night, Squad Leader. You need to rest.”

“I will. Now that I know we have to be able to set these up quickly, I’d like to re-examine the
springs. That’s all; we’ll adjust the force in the morning. You go get some rest, Moblit.”

Moblit shook his head and stood, too. “It’ll be faster if we both do it.”

They said their goodnights, and then Erwin and Levi were alone in the makeshift office.

Erwin gave Levi a sidelong glance. “Over the desk?”

“That thing’s so rickety, it’ll collapse under us. And what’s with you being so horny lately?” It was
especially jarring when he had been speaking about their dead comrades a few minutes earlier.

“I suppose I’m just invigorated. Hope is a powerful aphrodisiac. Or maybe I’m still in disbelief
that I’m allowed to touch you like this again.” Erwin pushed back his chair. He stood behind Levi
and kissed the side of his neck, his palms roughly working down his front. “If I’m coming on too
strong, I can ease up.”

“I wasn’t complaining.” Levi’s eyes fluttered closed. “Let’s try the desk. But I’d better be on top of
it. I’m lighter.”

Erwin nipped at his earlobe, then pulled away. “Do you want me inside you?”

“My stomach is a little jumpy; I don’t trust it. Let’s use our mouths and hands tonight.”

“Sure.” Erwin smoothed the hair off his forehead. “I’ll lock the door.”

A half hour later, both glowing, they slipped down the hall to the bedroom. They undressed and
collapsed onto the bedrolls, sweating and breathing hard. Levi curled onto his side and pressed his
cheek to Erwin’s chest; the sweat and hair made the contact itchy, but he tolerated the discomfort.
Beneath it all was a heartbeat, loud and strong.

“I have some more updates for you.” Erwin’s voice sounded deeper as it rumbled through his
ribcage.

“Yeah?”

“First: I went to Karanes to check on the progress. Mike’s squad nearly has the old base ready.
They’ve started doing daily scouting missions through the gates to gauge titan activity. The rest of
you will be moving to the base three days before the mission.”

“That late?”

“We don’t want to disrupt the training sessions for the new recruits.” His arms wrapped around
Levi. “And by the way, while I was in Karanes, I checked on our apartment and cleaned it up a
bit.”

Levi had been so fixated on the apartments in Trost and Ehrmich that he had forgotten about
Karanes. “Is it like the one in Trost?”

“Very similar, but smaller—only a small desk, no table. It has an automatic shower, but no water
heater, I’m afraid.”

“That’s fine. We should meet there after this mission, if it goes well.”

“And if it doesn’t … ” Erwin paused. “That brings me to my second update: I have formally named
my successor.”

“Oh?” Levi said, surprised. Until now, the Squad Leaders had been deemed too junior to take over
as Commander should the worst happen to Erwin. The Survey Corps was slated to default to
Garrison command until a suitable replacement grew into the role. “Who did you name?”

“Well, obviously you have no interest in leading, and your military history disqualifies you,
anyway.”

Plus, there’s no way in hell you’re going to die while I’m still breathing, Levi thought, jaw
clenching.

“Mike is a good Squad Leader, but he’s too content to follow the status quo. With the ever-
changing situation at present, we need a Commander who isn’t afraid to take big risks.”

Levi’s stomach flipped. “Hange?”

“Yes.”

“You want to hand over command to a person who thought it was a good idea to stab a fifteen-
year-old inexperienced titan shifter with something sharp to see what happened?”

“I know you think more highly of Hange than that, Levi. We’ve all seen how our techniques and
survival rates have improved thanks to the innovation of Hange’s team. And yes, there are certain
—” Erwin seemed to be searching for the right word. “—behavioural quirks to be wary of. That’s
why I need you to promise me to rein in Hange if anything gets too wild. Moblit has an eye out, but
ultimately, he’s too loyal and too easily persuaded. You aren’t afraid to be blunt to get your point
across, and that’s the kind of counterbalance Hange needs.”

“Fine,” Levi said, uncomfortable about discussing a future where Erwin no longer existed.

“Only you and Zackly know of this. I’ll tell Hange once the paperwork goes through.”

“Fine.” After a small silence, Levi said, “What’s the hurry?”

“Our world has been turned upside down; we can no longer be certain about our future. It’s
important to be prepared.” Erwin rubbed his back. “I know it isn’t pleasant to discuss, but it was
important to me that you know the plan as soon as possible.”

It seemed like there was more to it than that, but Levi was already hollow from envisioning
Erwin’s death, so he didn’t want to discuss it further. He closed his eyes and listened to the
pounding heart beneath his ear.
 Loss
Chapter Notes

This chapter went up at the same time as chapter 39 - please read that one first!

-40-

Loss

As their physical separation resumed and more days passed, Erwin found himself missing Levi
more and more. It felt wrong to lie alone in Trost in the bed they had so often shared. It even felt
wrong in Karanes, where they had yet to spend a single night together.

It wasn’t just lonely at night. Planning the mission felt empty without Levi by his side to ask
questions and make suggestions. Erwin had never realized how much he relied on his Captain to
help guide his strategy. He made several more unplanned overnight trips back to the old base,
telling himself it was important to gather input on his plans, supervise the new recruits, and check
in on Hange’s weapons. During their visits, he and Levi would stay up late into the night talking
and making love. Even with the late nights, they slept so soundly together that he always felt rested
when he left. Calmer.

When he was alone, he was filled with restless energy. Enthusiasm was a double-edged sword. The
appearance of Eren Yeager and his basement key made him feel like he was a teenager again,
explaining his theories to Nile over an ale, and it was difficult to channel that energy. He was close
now, closer than ever before.

He tried to temper his expectations. Whatever truth was in that basement, it would, at the very
least, give them answers about the titans that could give them the upper hand.

Whenever he thought of the future, he often found himself looking even beyond the basement, and
he would pause to touch the ring he carried in his breast pocket. Like Eren Yeager’s key, the ring
was a tangible promise of a dream that finally appeared to be within his reach. He had always
assumed death was an inevitable part of his career, but maybe that was no longer the case. Maybe
now he and Levi really could retire and live a peaceful, quiet life together, the kind of idyllic
existence he had always secretly wanted.

Still, death was the likelier outcome, and he made sure to prepare for it. By baiting a titan shifter,
they were baiting an enemy who could potentially overpower their entire regiment. Eren had taken
out twenty titans during his first transformation—it was logical to assume a trained shifter would
be even more powerful. There was a good chance the losses from this expedition would be
massive, and Erwin’s plan put him right in the middle of the fray.

Levi had noted that, too, during their most recent visit. He had insisted on leaving Eren with his
squad so he could stand by Erwin’s side during the core of the operation.

“Eren is our most valuable resource,” Erwin had said. “I need you protecting him.”
Levi had shaken his head. “The kid’s a valuable weapon, yeah, but what good is a weapon if you
can’t aim it? We need you alive to keep coming up with strategies. Besides, if we capture a shifter,
you’re going to want to cut them out alive for questioning. You need me to be there for that.”

“Mike can handle that.”

“You said it yourself: we don’t know how powerful this thing is going to be. We don’t know if
there’s going to be one, or two, or even more. You need your strongest soldiers standing by.”

Erwin suspected this had been a careful appeal to his logic, and the true motive was more personal,
but it was sound reasoning. In the end, they had compromised: Levi was to come to Erwin’s side
only after he had ensured Eren was safely out of reach of whatever mess their plan stirred up.

Three days before the mission, Levi, Hange, Dita, and the new recruits arrived at the new base in
Karanes. Erwin watched from his office window as they filed into the courtyard on horseback.
Only Levi looked up, scanning the windows; when their gaze locked, they exchanged a nod. It was
a small gesture, but Erwin felt lighter because of it.

That was the only private exchange they had time to make. When Levi stepped into the office a
short while later, he was accompanied by all three of the other Squad Leaders. This was the first
time all the officers had been in the same room since Eren had joined the regiment, and it was
imperative to have a thorough meeting to ensure everyone was on the same page.

The meeting took so long that they paused to grab their lunches from the mess hall, and by the time
it was wrapping up, it was nearly dinner time. As Erwin made closing statements, he leafed
through his notebook a final time, ensuring he hadn’t missed a single detail.

An envelope slipped out and landed in his lap. Without missing a beat, he noted the addressee—
Rebeka Ral —then slipped it back into his notebook. It only hit him after he dismissed his officers
and took a moment to consider the letter’s source: when Levi had been ill, Mike had brought
Petra’s letter to his attention, the one where she had alluded to her feelings for Levi. He had
completely forgotten to mail it; it was weeks overdue. Did it still make sense to send it? It would
probably embarrass Petra if he explained the reason it had gotten lost, and he didn’t feel like
making up an excuse for it. He would find Nifa immediately and correct his mistake by sending it
out.

The officers filed out of the room, but Levi hung back. “Hey.”

The door closed, and, certain they were alone, Erwin stepped in to give Levi a soft peck. “How are
you, my fiancé?”

As he had hoped, Levi’s cheeks turned pink. “Stop calling me that.”

“You probably want to take some time to get settled, right? Your room is next to mine, at the end
of the hallway on the second floor. It says ‘Captain’ on the door; you can’t miss it.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. I have a few tasks to take care of before we spend the night together. All squads are in
training review for the rest of the night, so you’re under full authority to do as you please with your
squad. Nothing too strenuous; they should be resting in preparation for the expedition. Meet me in
my room at lights out.”

“Sure.”

They exchanged another quick kiss, then parted ways.

Nifa was in the lab with Hange and Moblit. Erwin handed her the letter, along with enough money
to send it overnight.

His guilt suitably assuaged, he turned to find Mike. There were still some last-minute shipments to
secure.

That night, as planned, Levi knocked on his door shortly after lights out. Erwin opened it.

He found himself flat against the wall before the door had even finished closing. Levi dropped to
his knees in front of him, roughly undoing his belt.

“Levi—”

“Just let me do this.” His mouth was warm. Erwin rolled his head back against the wall, slumping
into it. He felt Levi’s low hum more than heard it.

“Fuck.” He politely lay his hand atop Levi’s head, but after another minute of moving suction and
a swirling tongue, his fingers knotted into the dark hair.

When he was right on the edge, Levi pulled away. “You cleaned my room for me.”

Erwin felt it was appropriate to make a quip in response, but his mind was too empty, so he only
gave a small moan. He had somehow managed to slide halfway down the wall, his knees bent, hips
thrust forward.

“How do you want it?” Levi looked up at him, lips damp and swollen.

Erwin stared at his mouth, transfixed, then realized he was waiting for an answer. “On the bed?”

The mouth flattened. “No, do you want me inside you, or—”

“Yeah.”

Levi pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him, and their mouths were on each other, and
then Levi was inside him. He cried out louder than he meant, and a small hand clapped over his
mouth. Those swollen lips found his nipple, and that only worsened the urge to cry out.

Then Levi slowed, and their eyes locked, and they moved gently together. Just when it seemed like
Levi might go under, he stopped. They undressed each other, kissing slowly, hands tracing each
new section of exposed flesh until they were bare. They fell back to the bed, under the covers this
time, taking their time, rebuilding the frenzy they had started with. Levi came first, then bent down
to use his mouth again until Erwin followed him.

They clung to each other afterwards. The candle by the bedside had almost completely burnt down.
Erwin watched the flame flicker.

“It’s going to be dangerous, Levi.”

“Mm?”

“This mission.”

“They always are.” Levi opened one eye. “Are you getting all melancholy?”

“Yeah.” Something about post-sex vulnerability and pre-mission jitters was a bad combination for
him, especially this time, when so much was at stake.

A warm hand pressed to the centre of his chest. “You’ve planned this thing to death. You’ve done
all you can.”

“There are too many unknowns. This is the biggest gamble we’ve ever undertaken: we’re betting
on a possibility that may not happen. We don’t know if the shifters will take the bait, or how
strong they’ll be in battle. We don’t know if Hange’s new traps will subdue it. We don’t even
know if Eren can transform and fight if worse comes to worse and we have a standoff.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot we don’t know. But there’s only one way to get answers, and you’ve given us a
hell of a lot to work with.” Levi rolled to face Erwin and kissed his shoulder. “You always start
overthinking things when there’s no more planning left to do. It’s good. It means you’ve already
done all the planning you need.”

“I suppose.”

“Get some sleep.” Levi nestled closer. “Fuck, I’ve missed sleeping in a bed.”

Erwin smiled. “The bed at the apartment is more comfortable than this.”

“Are we still planning to meet there after the mission?”

“Yeah, as soon as we can slip away. I need to give you directions to get there.”

“Tomorrow.” Levi’s voice was faint. “Stop planning things and go to sleep.”

This time, Erwin decided to take his advice. He draped his arms loosely around Levi and closed his
eyes.

The morning of the expedition, the Survey Corps assembled in front of the gates. The townsfolk
had gathered to see them off; this was a rare occasion for them, since most scouting expeditions
had left through Trost.

Erwin sat tall, ignoring the onlookers. In his mind’s eye, he reached backwards through the
formation, feeling each piece of it, a collapsed umbrella that would open and spread once they were
in the field. He could feel Hange beside him, Levi and Eren towards the middle of the formation,
the new weapons they had stashed carefully in the carts.

He took a deep, steadying breath. This was the most important mission the Survey Corps had ever
embarked upon. They would not fail.

The gates began to open, and he tensed, focused.

Once the gate was completely open, he roared, “We will now begin the fifty-seventh expedition
outside the Wall. Advance!”

Titans immediately surfaced from the remnants of the town outside the gate. The support teams
leapt into action. Erwin stared straight ahead, eyes narrow, waiting for the border of the city. The
instant they burst into the meadow, he threw out his arm, commanding the troops to deploy the
Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation.

Behind him, he knew Levi would be waiting until the formation had spread out, then settling into
the centre with Eren. He felt the other teams move into position, spreading out to match the map he
held in his mind.

At first, the expedition proceeded like any other. The sky was clear, which was important;
unexpected rain would completely neutralize their flare communications system. The terrain here
was flatter than the old checkpoint routes south of Trost. Mike’s squad had carefully scouted the
entire route to the forest of giant trees, ensuring there were no unexpected pitfalls or sinkholes to
worry about.

After about an hour, the smattering of red flares from the right flank turned into a storm. No matter
how many times Erwin redirected the formation, the red flares kept coming. Odd.

Then, at last, he saw what he had been waiting for: black flares. An abnormal.

Erwin’s eyes narrowed. There you are.

Hange’s horse fell into place beside his. “You think that’s one of them?”

“Could just be an abnormal, but that persistent cluster of red before it was unusual, wasn’t it? And
we told several teams Eren was in the right vanguard.”

“It can’t be the Colossal Titan,” Hange said. “That thing could barely stand without holding onto
the wall.”

“I agree. Ready to test the weapons on the Armoured Titan?”

“If we can’t break through its carapace, we’ll aim for its joints.” Hange eyed the right flank
nervously. “The flares have stopped. Do you think the shifter turned back into a human? Or …”

Erwin didn’t want to think about the alternative, either; his teeth clenched. He fired a green flare in
the direction of the forest and increased their pace.

They were nearing the entrance to the forest when the black flares began to start up again, this time
moving toward the centre of the formation at great speed.

“It’s heading toward Eren,” Hange said.

The plan is working. “ Keep riding.”

“It’s moving fast. Do you think Levi and Eren can outrun it?”

“Yes,” Erwin said without hesitation, but he knew all Levi’s skill meant nothing if the titan was
moving faster than the horses. Sweat beaded on his temples and forehead.

They were moving so quickly that the trees suddenly erupted from the earth around them; the
temperature dropped, and shade settled over them, damp and cold. The hair on the back of Erwin’s
neck rose, but he did not slow.

The small clearing in the centre of the forest was where they would stage their attack: the trees
would cloak their traps and allow 3D movement.

“Here,” he barked when they reached their objective. “Hange.”

“On it!”

Hange’s team quickly rolled the traps into place. Mike’s team joined them a few minutes later,
settling on the tree branches, ready to provide support.

“How far back are they?” Erwin asked him.

“Judging by the flares, maybe ten minutes.” Mike rolled his neck and his shoulders. “I can’t smell
anything nearby.”

“Good. Let me know the instant you do.” They had set up the bulk of the soldiers as decoys in the
trees at the mouth of the forest, hoping to bait the normal titans so only their shifter would come
through. The plan appeared to be working, for now.

Once everyone was in position, Erwin sank his anchors into the side of a tree trunk where he could
overlook the main path, ready to signal Hange’s team. Five minutes passed, then ten. His stomach
was knotted. If it came to it, if the shifter caught up to Levi’s team, he knew Levi’s squad would
fight to the death to defend Eren. Surely a runner would come to notify them if that were the case
…

A sound round echoed through the forest. Levi’s signal.

Erwin coiled back into the tree trunk, ready. On a nearby branch, Mike nodded to catch his
attention, then held up a hand. Five hundred metres and closing.

The ground began to vibrate. He heard hoof beats, and screams.

His hand curled tightly around the hilt of his sword. Closer, closer …

Levi’s squad burst into view, galloping at full speed.

Then behind them, in a full sprint: a female titan. Her eyes locked onto Erwin, wide with surprise.

“Fire!” Erwin roared, slicing the air with his blade.

The cannons erupted. Harpoons speared the titan’s bare skin. Erwin dropped to a thick branch and
studied the beast as the traps continued to fire. She was hunched, her hands protecting her nape.
She appeared to be built entirely of muscle, a perfect target for Hange’s weapons. We’re lucky they
sent her instead of the Armoured Titan, he thought, but at the same time, he wondered just how
many titan shifters lived within the Walls.

Levi dropped onto the branch beside him a few minutes later. “Looks like we stopped it.”

“We can’t let our guard down yet. I’m impressed you managed to lead it here.”

“That was thanks to the rear squads, who risked their lives fighting. They bought us the time we
needed.”

He couldn’t think about that now; guilt had to wait until he was off the battlefield. Levi seemed to
be waiting for an answer, so he said absently, “Is that so?”

“Yeah. Thanks to them, we get to meet whoever’s inside the neck of this thing.” Levi grimaced. “I
just hope they haven’t pissed themselves.”

Normally, the crass remark would make Erwin chuckle, but he was too intently focused on the
beast in front of them. “There were no others?”

“No,” Levi said. “Just her.”

Then there was no point in leaving any traps loaded. Before Levi and Mike go in, we’d better make
sure she can’t so much as twitch. “ Fire!” he called.

Below him, Hange’s team fired the last of the trap cannons. Content the titan was secure, Erwin
nodded at Levi and Mike. “Go.”

The goal was simple: thanks to Eren, they knew the person inside the titan would be located in its
nape. They also knew the person could regenerate lost limbs if necessary. They were unlikely to
come out willingly, but they could be forcibly extracted.

When Levi and Mike tried to slice into the nape, however, the titan generated a temporary
unbreakable skin over her hands, protecting her nape.

Erwin’s jaw tightened. Looks like she can overlay part of her body with a tough layer of skin. This
must be a temporary version of the same plating that covered the Armoured Titan. There was a
chance that continually attacking her would wear down this ability—but no, there wasn’t time to
test that theory.

Can she stay in titan form indefinitely, or can we wait her out? His eyes scanned the surface of her
body, looking for weaknesses they could exploit, then landed on her wrists.

There. They would blow her hands off at the wrists to expose the nape. He opened his mouth to
give the order.

The beast let out a deafening roar.

What the hell? He covered his ears against the noise, but that barely protected him. He had never
heard anything like it: it was a roar, a squeal, and a howl all at once, and it chilled him to his core.
When it ended, his ears rang. He slowly lowered his hands, stunned.

For a second, no one moved. Levi was still standing on her head; he stomped a couple times, as if
chiding her.

He’s in threat range and she’s desperate. I should recall him.

But before he could open his mouth, Mike yelled, “Erwin! Incoming.”

Erwin’s eyes snapped to him. “Which direction?”

“All around us. Too many to count.”

He had thought the titan was desperate, but she had been in control the entire time. And now half
their regiment was still waiting along the perimeter of the forest. Shit. They’ll destroy us.

“Intercept teams,” he yelled, “prepare for combat!”

But as the first wave of titans approached, they charged past the intercept teams and went straight
for the trapped titan instead.

Erwin’s blood ran cold. They’re after the female titan? Why?

One of them bit into her calf muscle, tearing flesh from the bone.

Recognition flashed over him.

“All squads, commence the attack,” he roared. “Defend the female titan to the death!”

Before he had even finished his order, Levi was already in action. Around him, soldiers jumped
into the fray. Erwin watched, his heart pounding in his chest. There had to be dozens of titans,
consuming her flesh, consuming everything they had hoped to gain from this mission. Blood rained
down on the battlefield. We have to salvage something, anything …

Within less than a minute, it became clear the battle was lost. Erwin closed his eyes and took a
deep breath, then opened them again.

“All teams, pull back!”

Levi snapped to the tree trunk beside him, wiping steaming blood from his face. Erwin stared down
at the evaporating remains of their foe. How strong-willed their enemies must be, that they would
rather face death than be taken alive.

But it was more than that: she had made the titans do this. She had controlled them with her
scream. And if a titan could perform that sort of rudimentary mind control on other titans … The
pieces hadn’t quite clicked together yet, but they were there , and he was one step closer to
understanding it all.

He saw his father’s animated hand gestures, the light in his eyes—

“Hey, Erwin,” Levi said.

Erwin murmured, “She got us.”

There was a pause, then Levi said, “Why the hell are you smiling?”

“The enemy was prepared to give up everything. I never thought she would have the titans eat her
to erase all information.” Did other titans have the power of this scream, too? Did their powers
only extend to mindless titans, or were there other applications?

He snapped back to himself. These were things they could wonder about later. For now, they had
to get home alive. He ordered the teams to meet in formation west of the forest.

“Sir,” the soldiers barked, moving out.

Erwin stood overlooking their lost prey for a moment longer, seeing, for the first time, all the
bloodied remains of their soldiers scattered around it. His heart sank.

“After all my bluster in front of the Council,” Levi said, “this is what happens—heavy losses, and
nothing useful gained. What’s going to happen to us and Eren when we stroll back through the
gate?”

“Think about that after we’re home. Right now, we have to concentrate on retreating without
further casualties. At least for now.” Erwin stared at the billowing clouds of steam. They could
interfere with their signal flares, blocking their visibility—

He froze.

What if she didn’t actually sacrifice herself? The Colossal Titan had dissipated into steam, too,
only to reappear later. If their adversary had dressed herself in 3DMG before transforming into a
titan, they could have left the shell of the female titan behind to be eaten while they escaped on the
gear. No one would have seen anything amidst all the steam and chaos.

“I’m going to call my squad over,” Levi said, turning to leave. “I just hope they haven’t gone too
far.”

“Wait, Levi. Replenish your gas and blades.”

Levi stopped. “Why? There’s no time, and I have plenty.”

He was right, there was no time, and that included time to explain his logic. “That’s an order.”
Erwin turned to him, using his most authoritative stare. “Follow it.”

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then turned away, looking a bit miffed. “Okay, Erwin. I’ll trust
your judgement.”

Go. They could clear this up later. For now, they had to get back to Karanes as quickly and safely
as possible. If there was a hostile out there, they needed their best soldier to be fully equipped.

Erwin descended and landed on the ground, where Hange’s team was hastily loading the traps onto
the carts. “We have to move. Leave the other traps behind.”

“But—” Hange began.

“There’s no time. We can retrieve them later.” Erwin whistled for his horse and mounted. “Let’s
go.”

Sure enough, before they had reached the edge of the forest, another roar permeated the air. This
one was deeper than the Female Titan’s scream. Eren?

Hange, riding beside him, looked back with pinched brows. “Do you think he can take her?”

“Levi’s squad is with him.”

“And do you think Levi’s squad can take her?”

“If any squad can, it’s his,” Erwin said firmly, his heart pounding in his throat.

The Survey Corps—or what was left of it—assembled in a meadow about fifteen minutes west of
the forest. The female titan’s scream seemed to have drawn every titan in the area, at least for now,
leaving the meadow empty.

With no immediate threats, they had time to recover bodies and tend to the wounded. Erwin spoke
with the Squad Leaders and gathered reports, casting the occasional uneasy eye toward the forest
entrance. Would Levi surface? Would Eren? Would Levi’s squad kill the Female Titan before they
could get any information out of her? Could they take her alive? His neck and shoulders were tight,
and he couldn’t stand still.

Then a familiar black horse emerged from the woods, followed by a brown one. As they drew
closer, Erwin saw Levi holding an unconscious Eren, and Mikasa Ackerman beside them.

“Get a medic,” he called to Mike.

“Erwin,” Levi called; the horses halted in front of him. “We got him out.”

“Is he hurt, or just exhausted?” Erwin asked as the medics rushed forward.

“He’s unconscious. He lost his fight to the Female Titan, and she tried to abduct him in her mouth.”

Erwin’s throat tightened. “Did you engage her?”

“Yeah. She’s disabled, but not dead.”

“Good.” It was the best scenario aside from taking her captive. He glanced at the forest. “Where’s
the rest of your team?”

“Dead.” Levi dismounted, then began to sag. Erwin lunged forward and caught his arm.

“You’re hurt.”

“Fucked up my ankle.” Levi glanced at Mikasa; the girl was kneeling beside Eren; the medics were
trying to pull her out of the way. Levi’s voice lowered. “The girl rushed in like an idiot. We almost
lost her.”

“Then you are to be commended for saving them both.” Erwin began to lead him toward a large
rock so he could sit down. “Let me take a look at your ankle.”

“Not until I tell the recovery crew where to find the bodies.” Levi’s mouth twisted.

Erwin nodded and waved over Mike.

Once Mike’s team had been dispatched, Levi sat down on the rock. Erwin knelt in front of him and
pulled off his boot, then the straps and sock.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said softly. About his team. About his injury.

“Don’t do that yet,” Levi said, not looking at him. “Keep it together. We need you to get the
survivors home alive.”

His ankle was red and swollen. Erwin gripped the foot and began to gently move and squeeze it,
noting when Levi winced.

“Might be hairline fractures,” Erwin said.

“If we’re lucky. Could be a tear.” Levi’s face was still twisted.

“You need morphine.”

“No. Just wrap it and shove it back in the boot. I’ll deal with it when we get back to Karanes.”
Erwin tried to give him a stern look; the grey gaze didn’t duck away, and he sighed. “Levi—”

“Don’t fight me on this, Erwin. I won’t give in, and you have other shit to worry about.”

After a pause, Erwin nodded and found a roll of cloth tape. He had sustained so many injuries, had
seen so many friends and colleagues do the same, that the correct tension and angles for an ankle
wrapping were second nature to him. Once the wrapping was in place, he shoved the gear and boot
back on. Levi stood, a bit unsteady.

“That will hold.” He hesitated, and when he spoke again, his voice was as unsteady as his stance:
“Tell me what to do next.”

“Check in with the team leaders of your extended squad. Then see if Hange, Mike, or Dit—” He
stopped. Dita was gone. “Actually, take charge of Dita’s team leaders. They’re a bit scattered right
now.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Levi shuffled toward the others.

The recovery teams were working quickly, retrieving bodies and laying them in a row. Erwin’s
heart sank as he stared across them. It had been years since they’d had a mission this disastrous.
And all for nothing …

He tried not to notice Levi kneeling beside a body, cutting a patch off a cloak. He thought of the
torn patches he had once seen in Levi’s box of possessions. Was this something he always did?
How had Erwin never noticed? He supposed there was always a degree of separation between them
on the field, particularly when they were busy with recovery duties.

Or maybe it was something he rarely did, and this mission had hurt him just as badly as his first
one, so long ago.

Keep it together. He took a long, steadying breath and began to circulate, gathering status updates
from Team Leaders.

When they had recovered all but five bodies, he made the call to mark down the others as missing
and leave. They had already lingered too long; there was no point in risking more lives to recover
the others. Pehr assured him the others were irretrievable, anyway; the titans, no longer under the
Female Titan’s spell, had begun to wander through the forest again.

Two young soldiers, however, were not happy with this plan. One of their friends, Ivan, was among
the unrecovered bodies. Erwin listened to their pleas, unmoving. This wasn’t the first time he had
hurt someone by leaving behind a body, and it wouldn’t be the last. These two, however, were
particularly persistent, one of them going so far as to call him selfish.

He didn’t even need to speak up against them; Levi’s voice rose behind him: “Listen to this pair of
noisy brats.”

“Captain Levi.” The soldiers turned to him, perhaps hoping for a different decision.

“If you’ve confirmed his death,” Levi said, “then that’s enough. Dead is dead. Whether or not we
have the body makes no difference.”

“You can’t be serious,” said one of the soldiers.

Erwin turned to leave. “Ivan and the others will be marked down as ‘missing.’ That decision is
final. Let it go.”
As he began to walk away, he heard a soldier yell after him: “Don’t the two of you have any
human feelings at all?”

Erwin’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t look back. How many times had he thought the same of his
own leaders in his younger days? How many friends and loved ones had he left to rot on the
battlefield? To these young soldiers, he was a monster, but if they lived long enough, they, too,
would see that priority must always be given to the living.

Somehow, that logic didn’t make him feel any better.

He became aware, after a moment, that Levi was following him. Erwin stopped a short distance
away from the others and turned.

“They think we’re made of stone,” he rasped, the first emotions beginning to push through his
walls.

Levi studied him. “Well, we have to be.”

If Erwin was stone, he was brittle; cracks had formed under the strain, and they were running
through him. He could tell by Levi’s taut expression he was feeling the same way.

If they, with all their years of experience, were feeling this worn down, the troops must be in
terrible shape. Especially the new ones. The more he thought about the aftermath of the mission,
the more disastrous it seemed.

“Levi—” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say.

“It’s okay. Hang in there,” Levi said—after all he had lost, with his ankle destroyed, why was he
the one doing the comforting? It was unfair, and it was all Erwin’s doing.

“Levi—” he tried again.

“No. Not yet.” Levi’s expression was fierce. “Later.”

Erwin swallowed hard. “We’re heading out. Ride beside me.”

“Not in formation?”

“You’re the only conscious member of your team, and you’re injured. The others will close in the
gap. You can help me navigate.” He needed Levi beside him, needed to know he was there.

Maybe his reason was convincing, or maybe Levi could see him crumbling; either way, he nodded.
“Okay.”

Within minutes, they set out.

The ride back to Karanes should have been uneventful, but the soldiers who had questioned him
about Ivan’s body made the foolish decision to go back for it anyway—and they returned to the
formation with titans on their tail.

“Idiots!” Levi dropped back to assist.

One of the soldiers paid for the mistake with his life; the rest of the regiment was only able to get
away because Levi ordered them to dump bodies off the carts to lighten their loads.

Erwin was angry. As if the mission wasn’t catastrophic enough before, now we have fewer bodies
to return to families, and we’re down another soldier. Had his order not been clear? Maybe he ‘had
no human feelings,’ but there was a reason they had to choose logic over emotion on the field.

The disaster successfully navigated, Levi returned to his place beside Erwin, his face drawn.

“What a waste,” Erwin muttered.

“Don’t discipline them.”

Erwin turned to him, surprised. “They disobeyed a direct order and put everyone in danger.”

“And one of them died for it. The other will never disobey an order again.”

“We’ll have to explain to the relatives of the deceased why we don’t have those bodies.”

“Tell them they were missing in action, like every other body we couldn’t retrieve.” Levi turned to
stare straight ahead, his jaw rock-hard. “Petra was one of them.”

A ball of ice sank into Erwin’s stomach. He didn’t know what to say, and he had the feeling
anything he could say would undo both of them, anyway. He stared straight ahead, his face blank.

But that ball of ice was getting heavier as they approached Karanes. It grew heavier still as he
dismounted and walked his horse down the street, the cries and shouts of the bereaved slamming
into him like hail. They called his name, reached out to him, wanted to know why.

And what did he have to offer them? A cartful of corpses, more carts full of the injured, and barely
more answers than they had started with.

A mountain of paperwork would usually be enough to distract Erwin after a difficult mission, but
not this time. So much had been riding on this one: Eren’s future, Wall Maria, maybe even the
Survey Corps itself. He managed to dash off a status report to the Capital and sent it with a heavy
heart, knowing a summons would follow as soon as it was received.

The summons would not go in his favour; he knew that already. Discovering a new shifter without
taking her down would make the Council even more skittish than they had been before. Once they
ruled against him, Nile would push for Eren’s execution and dissection, and they had no chance of
preventing it. Erwin might even be tried for lying about the mission objective and casting away so
many lives. They might drag Levi into it, too, since he had been in on the plans from the start.

Erwin pushed back his chair. The thought of them coming after Levi, after all he had lost, was as
upsetting as the thought of humanity losing Eren.

He brought a trembling hand to his chest, feeling for the ring in his pocket. It was so small in his
palm; he couldn’t believe this tiny ring was still too large for Levi’s finger. Those fingers never felt
this small when they were interlaced with his, or tracing his body. They carried more strength than
their size should be able to contain, just like the man himself.

Erwin’s hand wouldn’t stop shaking.

He was useless in this state. It was about time he honoured their arrangement and went to their
shared apartment—if Levi was even there. More likely, he would be in the san, getting his foot
treated or comforting the survivors in his own brusk way. Or maybe he was fighting with himself,
trying not to blame his Commander for the deaths of his squad. Levi had every right to be upset
with him.

Still, Erwin needed to escape, even if just for a few hours.

He found Mike in the mess hall, nursing an ale.

“I’m going out, and I may not be back tonight. Ring the bell if you need me. I’ll hear it.”

Mike nodded, gaze distant. “Are you taking Levi with you?”

“I don’t know. If you see him, tell him I’ve gone ahead, but there’s no obligation to follow.”

“None of this is your fault, Erwin. He knows that. We all know that.” It was hard to tell if Mike
believed the words or not.

Instead of wearing his Survey Corps cloak, Erwin pulled a slate-grey cloak around his uniform and
pulled the hood over his head, trying to avoid attracting the attention of passersby. He knew he
deserved as many looks of disdain as they were willing to give him, but he was still cracked, still
crumbling.

When he arrived at the apartment, the lamp was already lit. He could hear water running behind
the closed bathroom door. Levi’s boots and clothes were scattered haphazardly on the floor.

Erwin’s stomach dropped. He quietly closed the apartment door and locked it. “Levi?”

No response.

He was torn. Did Levi need space, or support?

The stone around his neck was heavier than usual; he slipped off the bolo tie and set it on the
mantle. He pulled off his jacket and straps, leaving on only his dress shirt and pants. He folded
Levi’s clothes and set them on the desk, then swept up the chunks of dirt Levi’s boots had left on
the floor. There was still no sound from the bathroom except running water.

With nothing left to delay him, he knocked on the door. “Levi, if you need privacy, I’ll leave.”

No response.

He quietly turned the knob.

Levi sat naked against the tile wall. Water drizzled over his head, plastering his hair to his
forehead. He was staring at the far wall with a vacant gaze and blue lips. His wounded leg was
stretched out in front of him, the ankle swollen and purple.

Erwin turned off the taps and knelt beside him. The knees of his pants soaked with chilly water.
“Levi,” he said softly.

The grey eyes, barely pinpricks, shifted up to him.

“How long have you been here?” Erwin reached for a towel. Levi’s skin was cold; Erwin draped
the towel around the small shoulders and held him close.

“Everyone leaves me,” Levi rasped.

“Can I move you to the bed? It’ll be warmer there.”

Levi didn’t respond, but slumped against him, as if all the strength had drained from his frame.

“Here.” Erwin gently lifted the small form into his arms and carried him to the bed. He sat him on
the edge of the mattress. “Did the medics take a look at your foot yet?”

“They’ll just try to drug me,” Levi said, hollow.

“Medicine will help the pain. You don’t have to suffer.”

Levi looked away.

Erwin knelt in front of him to examine the wounded ankle. “May I bandage it again?”

The only reply was a faint shrug.

Seeing him in this absent state was even harder than seeing him break down. Erwin’s hands shook
as he pulled open drawers, looking for the first aid kit he had stashed here a couple weeks earlier.
He found it and retrieved a roll of clean bandage, a syringe, and a single vial of morphine.

“Do you remember when I broke my ribs, Levi?” he asked, carefully unwinding the bandage. “You
took such good care of me. Please let me do the same for you.”

“You have bigger things to worry about.”

“They can all wait until tomorrow.” He pulled out the syringe. “What’s your normal morphine
dose? I can cut it in half, if you want to stay clear-headed.”

Levi told him, and Erwin suspected it was too low, but he didn’t want to risk second-guessing him.
He carefully filled the syringe and administered it. Then he began to bandage the wounded ankle
again. It seemed like it might still swell, so he tried to balance the tension to allow a bit of swelling,
but still provide support. He wasn’t confident in his work, but it was the best he could do without
actually bringing in a medic.

When he had finished, Levi sank onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Does it still hurt?”

“A bit. Could be worse.” Levi’s throat bobbed. “I’m alive.”

Erwin sat beside him on the bed, folding his legs. “I want you to know that I’m truly sorry—”

“Don’t. You made the calls that you had to. Part of me thinks I could have saved them if I had
gotten there soon enough, but then again, I would have run out of supplies and died.” Levi rolled
his head to look at him. “You knew she was still around. That’s why you told me to resupply.”

“It was a guess.”

“A good one. You should have told me.” His gaze shifted back to the ceiling. “But there was no
time, was there?”

“No.”

“And I wasted time questioning you. If I’d gone right away—”

“No. It played out how it played out, Levi. Don’t start wondering what might have happened. The
possibilities are endless.”

Levi’s eyes closed. “I saw her face as they threw her body from the cart. Petra.”

“Levi—”

“She looked like she was sleeping. I saw her sleeping face so many times on missions. Her father
confronted me at the gates. He said something about her being too young to get married. I couldn’t
tell him the truth, any of it … What does he think of me now? What does her family think? I
couldn’t protect her.” Levi rolled onto his side and curled tightly into a ball. “Everyone I care about
leaves me. My mother left me, then … he left me. Matthias died, and that was my fault. Klaus left
me—no, I got him killed, too. Farlan and Isabel. My first team. Everyone … and now Eld, and
Oluo, and Gunther, and Petra.” His voice broke. “Petra … ”

The words struck Erwin so hard that he felt the cracks break clean through him. Had he ever loved
platonically the way Levi did? Possibly Hange, Mike, and Nile, maybe even Marie now … things
were always confusing when he thought of Marie. But none of those were the way Levi loved:
once Levi opened up to anyone, that person marked him deeply and permanently.

No, as awful as Erwin felt, he didn’t understand what Levi was feeling right now, not really.
Perhaps he really was made of stone, but not Levi. Levi was gold, hard and beautiful, soft and
malleable.

“You know,” Levi said, voice groggy, “the only ones left are Mike, Hange, and you. And if you
—”

“Don’t think about that.”

“If that had been you instead of Petra, neck snapped, staring at me with dead eyes, body flopping
like useless garbage off the end of the cart … ” His eyes were staring far into the distance now,
sunken.

“It wasn’t me, Levi. I’m still here.”

“And what if it was me? What if I had died with my team?” His eyes shifted back to him. “What
would you be doing right now?”

A fair question. Erwin thought back five years to the time he had attacked Mike. Was that still in
his temperament? They had seen so much death since then that he had numbed, but then again, his
bond with Levi was infinitely stronger than it had been then, too. He expected his grief would be
more controlled this time, but … Levi was his lifeblood.

“It would break me,” he said, thinking aloud. “When I imagine life without you, Levi, I feel
hollow. Empty.”

“But you’d keep going,” Levi said. “Right? You’d feel pain, but humanity would still have a
chance. You’d keep fighting.”

Erwin considered. Maybe he would be a shell of himself, but there were still goals to drive him
forward. So long as his heart was still beating, he would stubbornly stay the course. “Yes.”

“Good.” Levi’s jaw wobbled. “I have to die before you, Erwin. It can’t be the other way around. If
I have to see you the way I saw Petra, I’ll … ” A tear spilled onto his cheek, and he shook his head.
“There won’t be anything left for me. I’ll become a monster, I’ll lose myself, my purpose.”
“Levi, don’t think about it.”

“I have to die first.” His voice was rising. Erwin had never seen so much anguish on his face. “I
can’t watch you die. Not you. We go together, or I go first. Don’t leave me. Not you.”

“Levi.” Erwin pulled him in and curled around him, holding him to his chest. He whispered his
name over and over, soothing him. He felt a small hand claw into the front of his shirt like a child.

He wanted to promise him everything would be okay, but it was a promise he couldn’t make,
especially now. The expedition had failed; he was going to have to risk even more to ensure they
protected Eren and their future. It was just as Sahlo had said during their last meeting: the neck that
stuck out the furthest was the easiest to trap in a noose. If it came to it, he might have to offer
himself as a sacrifice to keep humanity’s hope alive.

“Levi,” he whispered, “we have so much hope now. We have a titan on our side, and a key to
secrets about our enemies. Don’t forget that.” He smoothed the back of the dark hair, still damp
from the shower. “Today was only the first step in a whole new series of attacks. We have the
brilliant Hange, who can turn weaknesses into weapons. We have Mike, whose nose gives us an
incredible defensive advantage. We have Eren, who can transform into a titan. We have the new
skills of the 104th’s best fighters—nine out of ten of the southern branch’s top fighters, in fact.
And we have you.” He breathed in the scent of the dark hair. “We have you, Levi. You are strong,
and you’ll embrace this pain and come out stronger. That’s what you do. And if I go before you—”

Levi let out a small sob.

“—if I go before you,” Erwin repeated, his grip tightening around him, “you’ll take that pain deep
into yourself and become even stronger than before. That is one of the things I admire most about
you, Levi. You carry more pain than any man should have to bear, and you’re stronger for it.
Every break heals twice as strong.”

“I lost the ring,” Levi whispered.

“The ring?”

“It must have fallen out when I was fighting the female titan. I didn’t realize it until we got back. I
can’t even protect a ring—”

“It’s just a ring. It’s okay.” Erwin smoothed his back. “I’ll get you another ring when we marry.”

“When we marry,” Levi repeated, with a sniffle. His shoulders weren’t shaking anymore. Yes, that
was right: engagement was supposed to help them through times like this.

“The ring was just a thing; what it represents is what’s important. Tell me what you want to do
once we’ve eradicated the titans, Levi. Once we’re married.”

There was a long pause. “You always say we won’t both survive—”

“I know.”

“You said we were laying the foundation for future generations to win this war.”

“Things are different now. It’s been a while since we let ourselves consider this, so let’s indulge.
What will we do after the war?”

Thinking about it did seem to calm Levi; his breaths returned to normal, the tension leaving his
muscles. “I want a tea shop,” he said, nuzzling under Erwin’s chin.

“Yeah?”

“Somewhere quiet.”

“I like that idea. We’ll buy a small business with a house in the back.”

“Near a park,” Levi said. “So we can go for walks.”

“That sounds lovely. I’d like to be a schoolteacher in town.”

“I thought you wanted to go into politics.”

“No, not anymore. I’m tired of games and lies; I want to focus on truths instead.” Erwin snuggled
closer. “Do you want children?”

“I don’t know. I know you do.”

“Maybe. I expect we’ll be too old by then. My students can be my surrogate children; we’ll get a
dog instead.”

Levi shifted. “They track mud everywhere.”

“I thought you liked dogs. I’m sure, with all the land we reclaim, there will be enough food for
people to have pets again. We could take in a stray puppy and give it a good home.”

There was a long pause. “A big one. Not one of those annoying small yappy ones.”

“A big dog it is. And every night, we’ll come home and hold each other like this, and know we’re
making the most of the peace we fought so hard to achieve.”

Levi pulled back to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose red. “Sounds too good to be
true.”

“Maybe.” Erwin kissed his forehead. “We need hope. We need something to hold onto, something
to keep us going when everything else is crumbling. And I want you to promise me something.”

“What?”

“If I die—”

Levi’s face twisted. “Erwin—”

“—I want you to build your tea shop. Find someone to help you run it. You deserve to be happy,
after all you’ve sacrificed.”

There was a long pause, and then Levi nodded. “Okay. But same to you. You be a teacher and
settle down. Marry. Have kids, if you want.” He paused, then said dryly, “Name one of them
Levi.”

“What if they’re all girls?”

“Who cares? Name one Levi anyway. Tell them all about me. But make me taller in your stories,
and maybe a bit better with words.”
Erwin chuckled. “I refuse to change anything about you.”

“Well, then I guess I better hope I don’t die.”

They studied each other.

“Are you hungry at all?” Erwin asked, smoothing the hair off his forehead.

“Probably. No appetite.”

“Me neither, but it’s late. We should eat something.” Erwin sat up. “I’ll go get a loaf of bread.”

“No, don’t. I—” Levi looked away. He didn’t need to voice the next words: I don’t want to be
alone.

“ How about some rations instead?”

“I’m sick of rations.”

“Me, too, but I’m afraid it’s all I have here.” Erwin rummaged through his desk drawer. He pulled
out a piece of flatbread and broke it off. “Your body needs food to help it heal.”

Levi took it and reluctantly ate it.

They ate in silence. By the time they were done, Erwin felt a bit more stable. Levi seemed calmer,
too; he snuggled back against him.

“I shouldn’t have gotten that whiny,” Levi said gruffly. “You’ve lost people, too. We all have. I’m
not special.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re hurting.” Erwin softly kissed the back of his neck. “And you feel it on a
level I never do.”

“You do,” Levi said quietly. “You just don’t think about it too much, because you can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“That mask I’ve talked about before. You have to have it on, all the time.” Levi shifted back
against him. “That’s why you have such a fucked-up look on your face whenever we come back to
town. You have to keep going. You have to give everyone hope that you’re leading with logic, not
emotion. But I know you. I know there’s more than that, deep down.”

Erwin wasn’t sure if it was a statement or a question. Was Levi looking for assurances that he felt
sorrow over his team’s death? He thought of Levi’s dead team, of the others they had lost that day,
and felt numb. His exterior had crumbled, and there was nothing beneath it. Even that ball of ice,
that guilt, had melted.

“Do you remember that first mission I led after becoming Commander?” he said quietly.

Levi tensed. “Yeah.”

“When I heard the number of dead, I reacted violently.”

“Yeah, you almost died.”

Erwin couldn’t imagine reacting the same way now. “What happened between then and now,
Levi?”

“There’s more going on, deep down,” Levi said again. “You have to keep your head together on
the field.”

Erwin’s jaw tightened. Maybe he was still on the field; this expedition wasn’t over until they had
satisfied the Capital and Eren was formally theirs. All that mattered right now was Eren and his
basement key.

Levi still seemed to be waiting for an answer, and Erwin wasn’t sure he knew what the question
was. He kissed the broad forehead.

“We should get some rest.”

Levi’s brows pinched, but he only said, “Okay.”

They stripped and crawled under the covers. Erwin snuffed out the lamp and nestled against Levi’s
back.

They clawed at him, the members of Squad Levi, the others he had killed. Their faces were
contorted into titan-like expressions, heads cocked, eyes lifeless. Erwin opened his mouth to yell,
but it wasn’t his own voice that sounded; it was the female titan’s scream. The dead descended
upon him and began to rip his flesh from the bone.

He reached out a hand, and someone caught it. He could tell by the strength of the grip it was Levi.
The hand smoothed his palm, down his forearm, pulled him in.

Then Levi was kissing him, and the deceased dissipated. Now it was just the two of them in the
dark, warm beneath the blankets, skin sliding against skin. Erwin rolled half on top of him, mindful
of the injured leg, and kissed him deeply. Those firm hands slid down his back and up again, palms
blistering with heat. He kissed across Levi’s jaw to his ear. Levi’s head tossed back; his throat
rumbled with something between a whimper and a groan.

“It’s okay,” Erwin whispered, even though he was the one who was supposed to need comforting.

“I need you,” Levi said, throat vibrating again.

He had to be awake now, but this still felt dreamlike, the unnatural heat between them, the
bedsheets rippling around them like water. He buried his nose between Levi’s legs, tilted his hips
up, tasted him. Levi cried out, his voice musical, his hips undulating to the melody.

“You saved me,” Erwin murmured into him. “You’ve saved me so many times.” Levi cried out
again, a perfect octave higher this time.

Erwin gently slid inside him, oil squelching softly between them, their hands feeling for each other
in the dark. Their knuckles interlocked on the pillow, above Levi’s head, their mouths finding each
other. Erwin tasted his moans, orange and red in the darkness, faintly sour with the taste of sleep.

They were slow, but he couldn’t hold back; he spilled into Levi in understated bursts, hazy and
warm. He bent down to take Levi into his hand and throat so he could coax louder and louder
moans out of him, until they became tangible, hot and liquid. He drank until Levi was quiet.

They clung together in the darkness.

“I told you,” Levi murmured, touching his face. “There’s more under the mask.”

Erwin followed his touch and discovered tears. His voice cracked: “We separated before because I
needed to keep my mask on.”

“It’s okay. It’s gotta get heavy. I can hold it for you when you need a break.”

Erwin curled tightly around him as he finally let himself grieve.

He awoke to an empty bed. A loaf of bread sat on the desk beside a steaming teapot.

“Levi?”

Levi emerged from the bathroom. He wore his grey dress shirt and cravat with his uniform pants.
Instead of his uniform jacket, he wore an oversized black suit jacket, which he had draped around
his shoulders like a shawl. “I couldn’t get any coffee.”

“You’re supposed to be resting your leg.”

“I want to keep it moving.” Levi poured a mug of tea and carried it to the bed.

Erwin sat up, still a bit groggy, and accepted the mug. He blew on it to cool it. “We should get
back to the base.”

“They can wait until we’ve had breakfast.”

A quiet breakfast together did sound ideal, and Levi seemed to be in good spirits; he didn’t want to
interrupt that. He studied the jacket, wondering why it was so familiar. “What are you wearing?”

“I didn’t feel like being in uniform right now. And … ” Levi’s cheeks darkened, and he shrugged.
“It smells like you.”

Recognition dawned on Erwin; he had worn it to meet with the merchant’s guild a couple weeks
before the mission. “You took that from the closet.”

“Yeah, just while I went into town. I can put it back before we leave.”

Erwin studied him. “No, hang on to it.” That suit was on the verge of going out of fashion, but
Levi’s casual way of wearing it made it work. And he liked the idea of Levi wearing something of
his in public.

Besides, he remembered Levi telling him about his mother’s shirt, the hug she had given him when
she was ill. Wearing another’s shirt was an important gesture from Levi, and he was honoured to be
held in such high regard.
They sat on the bed, ate bread, and drank tea. This apartment was so much like the one in Trost
that this felt like the early days of their relationship, casually spending time together the morning
after a night of lovemaking.

But there was no time to linger, and the instant they stepped outside again, Erwin felt the weight of
their failed mission drop onto his shoulders.

They headed back to the base in silence. A letter was waiting on Erwin’s desk, bearing Zackly’s
seal. His summons.

Beside him, Levi said quietly, “So what happens now?”

Erwin picked up the envelope and traced the seal with the pad of his thumb. “I expect they’ll want
us to turn over Eren, unless we can think of a way to spin this mission into a success.” He opened
the letter. The wording was curt; even Zackly, normally his ally, appeared to be angry. He dropped
the letter onto the desk and took a few paces to the window.

Behind him, he heard Levi snatch up the paper. After a few seconds, he said loudly, “It’s so
fucking unfair.”

Erwin stared out the window, not wanting to show how much he agreed. “It’s okay, Levi.”

“It’s not. The bulk of the Survey Corps got away because Eren bought us time fighting that thing. If
he hadn’t taken her on and distracted her, Mikasa and I couldn’t have shut her down. And he can
barely control himself yet—think of how powerful he’ll be when he gets more experienced. Taking
him away from us now would be fucking ridiculous.”

“I know.”

He heard the letter smack against the table. “They sit in Mitras without a clue what we’re fighting.
That’s the problem. If they saw what it’s like out there, they would give us anything we asked for.”

Erwin stood tall. If they saw what it’s like out there … He slowly turned to face Levi. “You’re
exactly right.”

Levi studied him, and slowly, the fists at his sides uncurled. “You have a plan.”

“Just a spark of an idea, but it’s a start.” He pulled out the chair and grabbed a pad of paper. “Start
the other Squad Leaders on background checks of every single soldier who was told Eren would
be in the right vanguard. We don’t have much time.”
 Plans
Chapter Notes

A/N: thank you for your patience! I'm posting 41 & 42 at the same time. The final
chapter, 43, will be a shorter Epilogue, and will go up pretty soon. I'd love to take this
section of the story more slowly instead of rushing it like this, but alas, I'm 7.5 months
pregnant and really need to wrap up this story before I enter that hazy world of sleep
deprivation & no free time! :)
edit in 2022: LOL I was going into labour when I posted this and didn't realize it,
wheewwwwwww)

Shout-out to waytooemily for a gorgeous illustration of Levi wearing the Boyfriend

Jacket from the previous chapter! The pic can be found here: http://kuni-
masks.tumblr.com/post/145466934316/waytooemily-a-little-secret-between-the-two-
of

Previous chapter: the Survey Corps takes control of Eren Yeager and runs their first
mission. A Female Titan appears and causes heavy casualties, including most Levi's
squad. Erwin and Levi help each other grieve.

-41-

Plans

Erwin awoke to the sensation of cloth draping around his shoulders. His cheek was pressed to the
surface of his desk; he lifted it in time to see Levi walking toward the door. The lamp was low.

“Levi?” He sat up, and the black suit jacket nearly slid off his shoulders; he caught it just in time.

“Oh. You’re awake.” Levi turned to him. “You looked a bit cold.”

“Are you going to bed?”

“Yeah. It’s two in the morning.”

“Dammit.” Erwin rubbed his forehead. He must have fallen asleep around midnight. He had hoped
to finish his paperwork before bed, but now it was too late to stay up longer. “Here, I’ll join you.”
He doused the lamp and, in the shadowed room, draped the jacket around Levi’s shoulders where it
belonged. He leaned in low and said quietly, “It looks better on you, anyway.”

The Karanes base was silent as they strode down the hallway toward Erwin’s bedroom. The hair
on the back of his neck rose. The ghosts of the deceased had followed them here. He felt their
weight on his shoulders, as heavy and cold as the stone walls themselves.

But when Levi lit the lamp in the bedroom, the room filled with a soft orange glow, and the ghosts
faded. Now it was only the two of them again. They undressed and crawled into bed, on their sides,
facing each other. Erwin reached out to gently graze the slim jawline with a knuckle. They had
already had sex earlier that night, between dinner and evening rounds, but he was still craving the
feeling of Levi’s skin against his. He slid closer to take Levi’s uninjured leg between his. The
inside of those small, muscular thighs always radiated so much heat.

“Any update on the background checks?” Levi asked.

Erwin shook his head. Based on where the Female Titan had appeared within the formation, they
had narrowed down any potential moles to a small subset of Dita’s squad, mostly consisting of new
recruits from the 104th Trainee Squad. There had been several other teams who might have come
under suspicion, but the majority of them had been wiped out by the Female Titan during the
mission. “My usual sources are hesitant to work with me while the Survey Corps is under such
intense scrutiny, so I have to follow proper bureaucratic channels this time. I expect it will take a
week or two.”

“That’s too long.”

“I know, but we don’t have any alternatives.”

Levi snorted. “I used to wonder why you resorted to blackmail and bribery.”

Erwin smiled. “A pity we don’t have the option of either now. In the meantime, I’m going to send
the suspects to an isolated location. Mi- ke’s strongest team can supervise them.”

“Yeah? Where are you going to send them?”

“Not sure yet. I’m meeting with a contact tomorrow to try to secure a safe house, somewhere
isolated. I don’t want it to be anywhere with military connection, in case other branches are
compromised. If our enemies have spies in the Corps, they probably have spies in the Garrison and
MP as well.”

“That reminds me,” Levi said. “Eren’s up and moving around again today, so tomorrow we’ll head
back to the abandoned base to wait until the MP escorts arrive. Nile would shit himself if he found
out we’re keeping him in the city.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“I wonder if Nile—” Levi winced and grabbed at his injured leg. “Fuck.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He rubbed it. “Just weird pains again.”

“You should be using a cane or crutch, Levi,” Erwin said, not for the first time. “Your posture is
different because you’re limping, so you must be stressing other muscles and ligaments—”

“I’m not using a cane. It’s fine. I just need a few more days.”

This argument had never gotten him anywhere, so Erwin decided not to press it. “What were you
saying about Nile?”

“I can’t remember. Probably something about his pathetic excuse for a beard.”

Erwin chuckled. Under the covers, he gently moved Levi’s hand aside and began to rub the painful
thigh, applying a bit of pressure with a knuckle. There hadn’t been time for a proper massage that
day.
“Mm,” Levi said, eyes closing.

“That okay?”

“Yeah. Hurts like hell.”

“Too much?”

“No, press harder.”

Erwin complied. “I expect to join you back at the base before the MP escorts arrive. I’ll need to
relay our plan to you and Eren.”

“So you do have a plan.”

“It’s still in its infancy, but I’ll lock it down by then. The Female Titan wanted Eren. We’re going
to make sure she knows our route, its timing, and the fact that he’s about to be turned over to the
Military Police for execution.”

Levi pushed off his chest so he could eye him. “You’re going to bait her inside the Walls?”

“There’s no alternative. We’re out of time if we want to keep Eren alive.”

“The collateral damage—”

“We’re out of time,” Erwin said, more firmly. “If she’s a member of Dita’s squad, as we suspect,
then Mike’s squad will contain her. If not, we can assume she’ll try to attack us in an uninhabited
area between cities, because that’s where our gear will be nearly useless. The chances of collateral
damage will be low.”

Levi was still eyeing him.

“Levi?”

“My best squad couldn’t take her out. Eren couldn’t take her out. I was the only one who was able
to neutralize her, and my leg is fucked. If she attacks where none of you can use gear—”

“Eren didn’t have our help when he faced her,” Erwin said. “There’s plenty we can do to aid him
from the ground, even if it’s as simple as distracting her with MP gunfire and impromptu trip
wires.”

“If you don’t know where she might attack, you won’t even be able to set traps.”

“Like I said, it’s the beginning of a plan. There’s no telling if she would attack us at all.” Erwin
paused. “But if she did, the appearance of a titan within the Walls would certainly give weight to
our case at the summons. If we can show we anticipated and trapped a titan shifter, every single
Council member would understand we’re the best equipped to fight this war. It would open us up
to get what we truly need in terms of supplies, resources and permission. It’s as you said: the
Council is so far removed from the titans that they don’t understand what we’re up against. They
feel too safe.”

Levi’s frown was deeper than usual.

Erwin’s face softened. “We can’t let them take Eren away from humanity, Levi, no matter what the
cost.”
“I know. I get it. I just wish they hadn’t backed us into this corner.”

“I agree. With any luck, we’ll have more information soon, and we can refine this plan to give us a
better chance of success.”

Levi leaned in close, nuzzling under his chin.

Erwin overslept by almost an hour the next morning; Levi must have given the other squads orders
not to wake him. A mug of coffee was on the desk, along with a buttered scone and a note: “You
needed your rest.”

Erwin smiled and lifted the mug to his lips. The drink was cold, but especially smooth and
flavourful. Did you go behind my back to order the accountants to splurge on the tea and coffee
provisions—again? He should really crack down on that behaviour, but the coffee was delicious.

Levi, Eren and a handful of other soldiers had already left for the abandoned base. Erwin began to
work through his duties, too. First, he checked on Hange, who was already hard at work refining
the titan traps. Next, he pulled Mike aside to talk about monitoring the suspected soldiers.

Once everything was in order, he settled into his office for more paperwork and planning.

He barely slept that night, only napping at his desk as he worked to refine his plans. He worked
through several cups of the coffee Levi had brought for him.

Shortly before lunch on the second day, he received notice that the MP escorts would be arriving
the next evening to escort them to Mitras. He sent a message to Levi to let him know he’d arrive at
the abandoned base early the next morning to help him prepare.

His plan, even after two days of revisions, wasn’t looking any less risky than it had before. That’s
why it was a relief when, shortly after dinner that day, a knock sounded at the door.

“Come in,” he said, hoping for a distraction.

A timid blond head poked through the door: Armin Arlert. “Is this a bad time, Commander?”

Erwin set down his pen. “Not at all. Please come in.” It wasn’t typical for new recruits to address
him directly, but he could tell by the stress on the boy’s face that this was urgent.

Armin stepped into the room, followed closely by Mikasa Ackerman. The two made a strange pair:
Armin’s head was bowed, his steps light, as if he were trying not to disturb the carpet with his
footsteps. Mikasa strode with a confidence and strength that reminded him of Levi, shoulders
square, chin high.

A third recruit followed them at a distance. He had a leanness about him that made him look
deceptively tall, with a jaw that was already squaring with early adulthood. Erwin tried to recall the
names of the 104th recruits who weren’t in isolation with Mike. Jean Kirstein, graduated sixth in
his class.

The three soldiers stood in a row in front of the desk and drew themselves into firm salutes.

“Armin, Mikasa, Jean,” he said in greeting, and their eyes all widened a little, as if they didn’t
expect him to know their names. “What can I do for you?”
He expected them to ask to be transferred to the same base as Eren—a request he was happy to
grant—so he was surprised when Armin replied, “We think we’ve figured out the identity of the
Female Titan.”

“I see,” Erwin said, his pulse doubling. “Please, take a seat.” He gestured at the empty chairs
around the room, still in disarray from his meeting with Mike’s squad the day before.

The three pulled up chairs. Armin began to speak, his voice shaking at first, but gaining strength as
he continued.

The evidence was circumstantial at best, but there was enough of it to make a compelling argument
against one of their classmates, Annie Leonhart. Erwin recognized her as the only soldier of the
104th Southern Trainee Squad top ten who had elected to join the Military Police instead of the
Survey Corps.

Aside from a physical resemblance, the Female Titan used Annie’s distinctive combat style, knew
what Eren looked like, and, according to Armin, had reacted to his use of Eren’s nickname,
“suicidal bastard.”

“As well,” Armin continued, “when we did the gear inspection after Squad Leader Hange’s titan
specimens were killed, Annie didn’t bring her own gear. The marks and dings were distinctive to
the gear of one of our classmates who was killed during the attack on Trost, Marco Bott.”

All three of them looked grim at the mention of the deceased’s name, particularly Jean, his hands
tightening into fists.

“You think she used her own gear to kill the titan specimens, then switched gear with a deceased
soldier before the inspection?” Erwin asked, taking notes.

“Yes sir.”

“Why didn’t you report that she was using different gear at the time?”

Armin looked down, frowning. “It didn’t really sink in until we started talking about the Female
Titan and all the pieces started coming together.”

“I see. Is anyone in your graduating class friends with Annie?” Maybe this was an easy way to find
out the identities of other titan shifters.

The three soldiers looked at each other.

“Eren and I are probably the closest thing she has to friends,” Armin said. “Especially Eren. They
used to train hand-to-hand combat together a lot. And she didn’t kill me on the field once she
realized who I was—I guess she has a soft spot for me. That’s why I think … ” He trailed off.

Jean nudged him.

“Go ahead,” Erwin said.

“If you’re trying to capture her, we might be able to use Eren and me to lure her in. She’s stationed
in Stohess, which Eren will be passing through on the way to Wall Sina. Maybe we could pretend
we’re trying to help Eren escape, and we need someone on the inside to get us past the Military
Police checkpoints.”

The spark of a plan caught flame in Erwin’s mind, roared to life. “We could pretend I sanctioned
your escape. Logic would dictate that we would be reluctant to hand over Eren to the Council. We
could ostensibly send you and Eren on the run, under the guise that we were buying time to dig up
more evidence to sway the Council’s decision.” His eyes narrowed at the page as he wrote notes,
considering. “You and Eren could approach Annie and say you needed help—perhaps you need
her MP connections to get through the checkpoints so you could hide outside the city.” This could
work. Stohess was where Nile was stationed; if they captured the Female Titan right under Nile’s
nose, he might finally acknowledge what they were up against. “In fact, the MP will already have
their soldiers patrolling while we’re passing through, as part of the security surrounding Eren’s
transportation. It should be relatively easy to determine where she’ll be patrolling in advance.”

“I could approach her alone to make her more likely to agree,” Armin said. “It’s Eren she wants.
She’d have to follow me in order to get to him. But where would we take her?”

Erwin strode to a cupboard and rummaged through the rolled-up maps until he found one of
Stohess. “Though the Underground is primarily located within Wall Sina, there are a few
abandoned tunnels in Stohess, and some of them go quite a long distance. If you could lure her into
one of these tunnels, where she can’t transform, we might be able to force her into a surrender.”

The three soldiers exchanged glances again.

“Annie is smart,” Mikasa said flatly. “She won’t be lured in easily.”

“If she refuses, then that does a great deal to confirm her identity. We would consider this plan A.”
Erwin unrolled the Stohess map on his desk and weighted the corners, then pulled out wooden
markers. His finger traced the road between the external and internal gate, his eyes scanning for the
optimal location to stage an attack. There was a tunnel entrance only a few blocks from the main
route, surrounded by plenty of high buildings, and a long distance from the open park grounds that
would make their gear useless. He marked the tunnel entrance with a red marker and placed
smaller markers around other nearby exits, then marked a perimeter of two blocks. “If you can lure
her to this area, I’ll have soldiers in disguise as townsfolk, ready to intervene if she refuses to
cooperate.”

“She’ll probably transform into a titan,” Armin said, leaning closer to look at the map.

“At that point, Eren can transform and engage her. That will be our plan B.” Erwin studied the
map. Having only one backup plan wasn’t enough. They had underestimated their foe in the forest
battle; they couldn’t do so again. Levi had been correct in noting that Eren, alone, was unable to
take out Annie.

Besides, the potential for collateral damage was a problem if they were going to encourage a titan
battle in the middle of the city. They wanted Wall Sina to understand the titan threat, but they
wanted to avoid needless deaths, too. Their disguised soldiers would evacuate the area of civilians
first, but that wasn’t going to be enough.

His finger skated along a direct route toward the open park area near one of the MP barracks, close
to the Wall. Halfway along this route was a narrow corridor with plenty of high buildings. “As our
plan C, we’ll have Squad Leader Hange set up several traps in this corridor. If our plans A and B
fail, we need to make sure we restrain her before she does too much damage to the city. The traps
would have worked in the forest if she hadn’t called the other titans to consume her; she’ll find that
impossible to do within Wall Sina.”

“How do we know she’ll go that way?” Jean said.

Armin’s eyes were shining. “Because she knows all the strengths and weaknesses of military
technology, so she’ll aim for strategic advantage. She’ll head for that park because it’s open
ground, where our 3DMG will be useless. That will force Eren into hand-to-hand combat again; she
knows she can defeat him one-on-one.”

Erwin studied the boy, impressed by his strategic acumen. And he’s still so young. I see now why
Berit spoke so highly of him.

Aloud, he said, “That’s exactly right, Armin, and that’s why we need to keep her isolated in
3DMG-friendly areas. We saw what she did to Eren one-on-one last time. He’ll need our support,
particularly as our best soldier is injured, and our second-best soldier is away on another mission.”

Mikasa looked down with a sudden grimace. Perhaps she was considering her role in Levi’s injury.
It was important for her to learn from her mistakes, but he hoped she wasn’t taking it too hard.
Regret would only make her hesitate next time she was in a dire situation.

“Mikasa,” he said, “Captain Levi speaks very highly of your fighting skills. In his absence, you
will be our top fighter. Do what you can to disable her so Eren can take her down more easily. Take
risks if you need to, but you’re a valuable asset to the Survey Corps yourself, so make sure those
risks are calculated.”

She nodded resolutely. “Sir.”

Working together with the three of them, he formalized their plan. They would present the MP
escorts with a decoy disguised as Eren; Eren, meanwhile, would ride in another cart with the
Survey Corps soldiers, his identity obscured by rain gear. Once the carts were inside Stohess,
Armin would approach Annie. They would attempt to use the tunnel as a safe, undetectable
shortcut. At that point, their plans and contingency plans would be in motion.

Jean reluctantly volunteered to dress as Eren. With a wig and the right clothes, he would pass
reasonably well as Eren—well enough that Nile and the other MP wouldn’t notice, at any rate.
There might be better matches elsewhere in the Survey Corps, but they needed to make sure their
decoy was someone they could trust. Since Jean hadn’t been in the group of recruits who had been
told Eren’s location was in the right flank, and since Armin and Mikasa seemed to trust him, Erwin
saw no reason to be suspicious of him.

Once this part of the plan had been locked down, Erwin looked up and saw the glassy, sunken eyes
of his recruits. It was well past time for them to sleep. He thanked them, sent them to bed, and
continued working, drinking more coffee. He could sleep in the carriage on the way to Stohess.

At reveille, he found Hange in the lab; it seemed Erwin wasn’t alone in passing a sleepless night.
After they had discussed the plans, Moblit began to pack the traps, while Hange and Nifa went to
prepare the squad members to dress as civilians.

By the time they were ready, it was nearing noon. Levi and Eren would be waiting for them. Erwin
pulled aside Armin, Mikasa, and Jean; they rode to the abandoned base by horseback, pushing the
horses hard. They had to be sure to have Eren up to speed with the plan before the MP escorts
arrived.

They left the horses with a couple soldiers at the stables and found Levi and Eren in the dining
hall. Levi was dressed in a casual shirt that left his neck and collarbones exposed, and Erwin felt
his breath catch at the sight. It caught him off guard, on occasion, how Levi could look so fragile
and powerful at once, a strange mixture of petite bone structure and obvious muscle.

But there was no time to ogle. He apologized for being late, and they all sat down at the table to
discuss the plan. Levi followed along with only a few questions, but Eren was more reluctant. The
idea that Annie could be the Female Titan seemed to be impossible to him. His three friends
worked hard to convince him to go along with the plan, but even then, Eren’s expression was
hollow, his eyes distant.

When the four recruits went downstairs to help Jean get into disguise, Erwin watched them leave,
jaw tight. “He doesn’t believe Annie is the Female Titan.”

“Eren?” Levi set down the mission brief. “No, he doesn’t. Or at least he doesn’t want to believe it.”

“Do you think that will be a problem?”

“Yes,” Levi said flatly. “The transformation experiments he did with Hange showed he needs to
have a clear goal in mind in order to transform. We had a better chance of him taking her down
when he didn’t know who she was.” He folded his arms over his chest. “I’m bringing my gear.”

“No. You’re unfit for the field.”

“My leg is getting better.”

“I saw you rubbing it while we were talking. If you push your injury too far, it might not heal
properly, and then you’d be out of commission permanently.”

Levi raised his chin, his gaze strong. “And if we lose Eren, everything’s over. Make me your plan
D. If everything else fails, I can cut him out of his titan and pull him out of danger.”

Erwin’s eyes searched his. “You aren’t going to take no for an answer, are you?”

“No. If you really think this is a bad idea, then order me not to do it. But we both know we need as
many failsafes as possible. You’ve said before that Eren's more important to humanity than anyone.
That includes me.”

He was correct, and Erwin knew he couldn’t place his desire to protect Levi’s wellbeing above his
duty to protect Eren. “Very well. Bring your gear, but you are not to deploy unless it looks like
Eren is going to die or go feral. And Levi.” Erwin leaned forward, face solemn. “Let me handle
Nile. He’s going to resist the plan, and he might panic and threaten me. Do not intervene. I can talk
him into it.”

Levi nodded. “Okay.”

Their gaze held for a moment longer, then Levi turned and left the room. Erwin fell into step
beside him. They made their way to Levi’s room, where Levi pulled off his shirt and began to
button up a grey dress shirt instead.

Erwin settled against the wall and watched as Levi’s small fingers worked at the buttons, then tied
the cravat into place. The cravat-tying mannerisms were distinctly Levi: the tuck, the graceful flick
of his wrist to send the ruffles cascading out the front, and a smooth with each hand to make sure it
was aligned properly. He stepped forward to let Erwin do the final adjustment, a step that was
always unnecessary, but appreciated. The warm scent of lemon and hair oils rose to Erwin’s nose,
and he subtly breathed in, savouring it.

The last touch was the jacket Levi had taken from the apartment. It hung around his shoulders like
a shawl, arms dangling halfway down his thighs. He stood tall, favouring his good leg. “My gear is
already downstairs.”
“Then I guess you’re all set. We’ll have Hange’s squad bring it with them, along with mine, and
they can deliver them to us if necessary.” Erwin quietly closed the door and stepped in close,
bending down to kiss him, but the small mouth was tense. He pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

Levi looked away. “This plan. It’s risky. We’ve never been this close to losing the Survey Corps
before.”

“Maybe not for a while, but we’ve been in an ongoing struggle to prove our relevance since the
Corps was first formed. It came very close to shutting down under Shadis’ command, right before
you joined.”

“You mean right before you came up with the Long-Distance Scouting Formation and started
saving lives.”

Erwin smiled at the compliment. “Keith’s mistake was thinking he had to be fully in control of
strategy. If he had listened to his subordinates’ suggestions sooner, he wouldn’t have needlessly
cast away so many lives or caused so much political strife. I won’t make the same mistake. This
operation is so precarious that we have to draw from the skills of everyone at our disposal: Eren’s
titan powers, Hange’s traps, Armin’s strategy, Mikasa’s combat. We don’t have a Sahlo or Lobov
to blackmail, so we have to legitimately win the Council’s favour using all our resources.”

“I think,” Levi said, “this is the first time I’ve ever missed that fucker Sahlo.”

Erwin chuckled. “Well, we’ll make do with what we have.”

Levi pulled him down by his bolo tie for another kiss.

In the minutes leading up to their escort’s scheduled arrival, Levi sat in a chair in the doorway of
Eren’s bedroom, facing inwards. Jean was chained to the bed, dressed in a wig. His head was
down, lights dim.

“This will never work,” Jean muttered.

“It won’t if you keep talking.” Levi tipped the chair back, trying to stretch his leg. Footsteps
sounded at the end of the hallway; he cocked his head to listen. Sounded like at least five people,
maybe six. They were still afraid of Eren, then.

His guess was correct: Erwin approached him, followed by three MP soldiers and, most
surprisingly, Nile.

Levi let all four chair legs slam to the floor. “The hell are you doing all the way out here,
shitbeard? Did you piss off Zackly, or did Marie finally kick you out?”

Nile’s mouth flattened. “I’m here to ensure nothing goes wrong while we transport dangerous
cargo.”

“Your ‘dangerous cargo’ is a fifteen-year-old kid who was responsible for helping the bulk of the
Survey Corps escape the real threat to humanity.”

“Levi,” Erwin said quietly.

He scowled, but closed his mouth and held up the key to the shackles.
Once they had safely loaded Jean into the transport carriage, Levi felt himself breathe again. Nile
hadn’t even batted an eye at Jean. The disguise was working.

Nile mounted his horse and circled back to them. “Remember, you’re in police custody now. Any
command these officers give you holds the same weight as if it came directly from me.”

“You won’t be riding with us?” Erwin asked politely.

“I’m riding ahead to make sure the roads are clear and the police guards are in place. We aren’t
taking any chances.” Nile pointed to a small carriage near the back of the caravan. “That’s for the
two of you.”

The carriage was smaller than the others, but comparable in size to the ones they usually rode to
the Capital. Erwin and Levi boarded, then locked the door.

Once the carriage started moving, Levi slid closer. “Looks like they bought it.”

“Yes.”

“You think this will work?” Levi rested a cheek on a broad shoulder.

“Yes,” Erwin said again, and Levi felt better, even though the shoulder beneath him was tense.

“Did you sleep last night?”

“No.”

“Then sleep.”

Erwin glanced at him, face unreadable. “I’m a bit too tense. I was hoping to unwind a bit.”

“Oh?”

A hand dropped to his good knee, then began to slide up his thigh. Levi shivered.

“Not even going to wait until we’re through the Trost gates, huh? Did you forget to jerk off while
we were apart?”

“I was too distracted.” Erwin kissed his forehead, lingering a little too long.

“Even with how horny you’ve been lately?” Levi reached between the broad legs and found him
already hard. “You’ve gotta take care of this thing. It’s not good for you to be pent up. Not good
for your pants, either. You’re gonna wear a hole through them.”

Hot breath rumbled in his ear: “But you’re so much better at it.”

Levi shivered again. “I want to fuck you against the bench, but I can’t with my leg like this.”

“Next time, then.” Lips closed around his earlobe, sucking for a moment, then released. “Let’s just
start kissing a bit and see what happens.” The lips trailed down his neck. “I wonder, do you still
have that sensitive spot here?”

“What sensitive—” Levi began, but then Erwin started aggressively kissing a spot along his neck
muscle, and his breath caught.

“I discovered it last time. I don’t remember it being here before—or maybe I somehow missed it,
all these years.” Erwin sucked the skin.

The sensation was so strong it was almost a tickle. Levi yelped, squirming away, but broad arms
clamped around him, pulling him closer.

“Fuck!”

“I wonder what happens if I keep kissing it.”

Levi tried to push his way free, but his muscles had liquefied. “Stop,” he begged.

Erwin stopped. “Too much?”

It took him a minute to catch his breath. “No, it’s just not fair. The only place that does that to you
is your nipples, and they’re buried under your uniform.”

“Well, that’s not the only place.”

“Your asshole’s buried, too.” Levi closed his eyes as he felt kisses trail down his neck again. He
tried to angle himself so they would cross the same sensitive area as before, but Erwin was
respecting his wishes and avoiding it. The teasing was even more unbearable. “You don’t really
have to stop.”

“Mm?”

“Do it again.”

“You sure?” Erwin kissed around the spot, as if contemplating.

Levi groaned. “Come on!”

“I am curious how all that squirming would feel while I’m inside you. Especially with the
vibrations from the carriage.”

“Okay, but don’t come inside me. It’s too hot in here to sit around with wet pants.”

Erwin pulled him gently onto his lap and began to kiss his neck again, fingers working at their
belts. Levi shifted, trying to get comfortable.

“You okay?”

“My fucking leg. Here.” He carefully rotated so his back was to Erwin.

“Better?”

“Yeah.” He could brace his good foot against the floor for leverage. “I won’t be able to ride you
very fast, though.”

“It’s okay. We’ll be slow and gentle.” Erwin kissed below his ear, then worked his way down
again. “I could kiss you like this for hours.”

Levi arched his neck into the hot breaths, and he felt every hair on his body stand on end. Too
impatient to wait hours, he grabbed Erwin’s hand and pulled it between his legs.

Erwin’s breath hitched as he rubbed along the inseam. “You’re so warm.” His other hand smoothed
Levi’s chest, and as his lips found the same sensitive spot as before, Levi cried out, squirming back
against him. The lump beneath his ass hardened even more.

This was too much attention and not enough, all at the same time. The mouth working at his neck
made him dizzy, but the firm hand in the centre of his chest held him fast, so he couldn’t pull
away. The hand between his legs was slowly rubbing, just barely providing friction. He could hear
the increasing harshness in Erwin’s breath over the rattle of the carriage, feel the hardening lump
rutting slowly against his ass. He felt himself thrash, felt the arm around his chest tighten.

“Please,” he whimpered, not really sure what he was asking.

Erwin’s hands moved to his belt buckles, and the first skin contact made Levi cry out.

“Sorry,” Erwin said.

“What?” Levi gasped.

“You didn’t want me to get your pants wet. You’re already dripping.”

Levi looked down and saw the glistening skin of the large hand wrapped around him, and decided
a little dampness was okay. He thrust into it a few times, transfixed by the sight.

“Shit, that looks hot.”

“Hm?” Erwin leaned over his shoulder. “Ah. Yes, it does. We can keep doing this for a while, if
you like.”

“No, I need you inside me.” Levi shifted, pulling his pants down his hips. “Did you bring oil?”

“In the bag under the seat.”

“Okay. Pull your pants off.” As Levi bent down to retrieve the oil, he heard belt buckles behind
him.

When he returned to the bench, he drizzled oil in his hand and reached for Erwin, holding eye
contact. As his grip tightened, eyelids drooped over the blue eyes, shaky puffs of air sliding from
the thick lips. He looked so handsome and so utterly fixated on him that Levi’s head spun. He
leaned in for a moment so they could share a kiss.

Then they shifted back into position, Levi’s back to Erwin, positioned carefully over his lap. He
felt hands cup his ass.

“So firm,” Erwin breathed, as if he didn’t realize he was saying the words aloud.

Levi reached between his legs to grab him. He began to lower himself around him, tolerating the
pain in his leg.

The hands on his ass tightened. “Wait. You won’t be ready.”

“I’m relaxed enough. It’s fine.”

“It’s been a few days—”

“Just take it slowly.” Levi was too impatient for fingers. He slowly lowered himself, working him
in and out. Erwin was so swollen that the fit was tighter than usual, and the stretch tingled.

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, drawing out the word.

He couldn’t see Erwin from this angle, but fingers curled into his hips, and he could tell by their
tension that Erwin was carefully holding back. Slowly, slowly Levi worked his way down, until
they were fully joined. He sat there for a moment, letting his body adjust, feeling the vibrations
from the carriage jolting through them.

Erwin let out a low, agonized groan and throbbed inside him.

“Kiss me again,” Levi said, and he began to rock. Erwin found that sweet spot on his neck.

It was too much stimulation; Levi gasped for air, falling and clumsy. Erwin counterthrust below
him to keep the rhythm going; the hands around his hips guided his movements. Levi closed his
hands over Erwin’s, both of them clawing into his skin.

The rhythm was slow, but persistent, and so was the mouth on his neck. Sweat trailed down Levi’s
temples, the tip of his nose. Even without either of them touching him, he felt himself getting
closer. After several minutes, the build had plateaued, and he knew he had gone as far as he could
without touch. “Erwin—”

“God, your neck,” Erwin whispered into his skin, voice cracking. His thrusts, though still slow,
were getting more forceful, and he was rock hard. “Touch yourself.”

“Yeah?” Levi gasped reflexively as he grabbed himself.

“Yeah. Touch yourself for me.”

Levi clenched his teeth, head tilting back. He was already close. “I’m going to come.”

Erwin gasped, moving hard and fast.

Harder. Harder … Too late, Levi realized he hadn’t set a rag aside. He cupped his other hand
around the tip, trying to catch everything, but when he tipped over the edge, he lost control of his
limbs. He fell back against Erwin, crying out and shaking.

Then he was still, and the only sounds were the rattling of the carriage and their breaths. The air
was damp with sweat. Erwin was holding him tightly from behind, still hard inside him.

Levi opened his eyes. He had missed his hand almost completely, and the bulk of the mess was on
the floor. “Shit.”

“Here.” Erwin reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.

Levi slowly detached himself—he was so over-stimulated that he shuddered—and wiped the oil
away, then pulled up his pants.

Then he sat next to Erwin. “Your turn.”

“What do you want me to do?”

Levi unbuckled Erwin’s chest strap and began to unbutton the white dress shirt beneath it. “Just sit
there.” The shirt fell open. He bent down and smoothed the hair away, then circled his tongue
around a nipple.

“Fuck.” Erwin’s chest muscles tightened.

Levi hummed a response into the sensitive flesh, then began to gently suck, flicking with his
tongue. He began to stroke Erwin with his other hand. Erwin gasped and melted back against the
bench, thrusting into his grip so violently that he kept throwing off Levi’s rhythm.

“Levi—”

He gave an encouraging hum.

Then he felt Erwin shove the handkerchief into place; his free hand curled around Levi’s head,
pulling him hard against this chest. After several spasms, he sagged back into the seat.

Levi kissed his nipple one last time, then pulled away. He kissed the tip of Erwin’s nose.

Then he pulled out a clean handkerchief and sank to his knees, cleaning up the mess he had left on
the floor. It was an unsatisfactory cleaning job, and he wished he had a bucket of soap and a scrub
brush. The next person to use the carriage was going to wonder why the whole thing stank of
semen.

When he returned to the bench, he found Erwin unmoving, face red-streaked and damp, blond hair
plastered to his forehead. The front of his shirt and pants were still undone, and he was already
going soft, lying limp against his clothed thigh. He looked so satisfied, so relaxed that Levi felt his
lips curve into a smile.

My fiancé. It was the first time the words had ever felt right. He loved this vulnerable man beneath
the mask, just as much as he loved the hardened, pragmatic Commander who would lead humanity
to victory. My fiancé …

But as he thought of their future, he heard the carriage rattle, smelled the familiar must of the hired
stagecoach, remembered the MPs who rode in the caravan with them. His smile faded.

“Hey.” He sat beside Erwin. “Get dressed. We don’t know when they’ll check on us next.”

The blond eyelashes parted, and blue eyes focused on him, pupils soft. Their gaze held, and
Erwin’s lips curved into a smile that echoed the one Levi had given him moments earlier. “Hello,
my fiancé.”

Levi’s cheeks warmed. “None of that cheesy shit. You have to sleep properly before we get to
Stohess. You’re no good to us on no sleep, and this mission is important.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Erwin groggily sat upright and cleaned himself up, then began to fix his
uniform. They fixed his hair together, then locked the bed slab into place.

As they lay together, Levi felt a kiss on the back of his head.

“Thank you,” Erwin whispered.

“For what?”

“For distracting me. For taking care of me and bringing me peace.”

“Well, you do the same for me. Now get some sleep.”

Their hands interlaced, and a moment later, he heard Erwin’s breaths behind him, steady and soft.

Their peace ended when the carriage stopped. Levi opened his eyes, then, remembering where they
were, sat upright. The checkpoint to enter Stohess. “We’re here.”
Erwin sat up, too, blinking and rubbing his eyes. “Already? Are you sure?”

Levi moved the curtain to peer out the window. He saw the Wall Rose gate and a group of MPs
speaking with the driver of the carriage in front of them. “Yeah.”

The gate lifted. They sat silently as the carriage began to move again, waiting for any signs that
their plan was in motion. Levi controlled his breaths: in through his nose, out through his mouth …

They didn’t have to wait long. They were only about halfway through the city when the caravan
stopped abruptly.

Levi glanced at Erwin; the thick brows were low, his jaw clenched. Through the door, they could
hear shouts and, above them all, Nile barking orders.

Erwin reached for the door, but Levi stopped him. His throat was so tight that he could barely
manage the words: “Be safe.”

Their gaze held for a moment, then Erwin surprised him by leaning in for a firm kiss. It wasn’t like
him to drop his Commander role once he had melded into it.

Levi didn’t have time to consider it, because the door opened, and they stepped out of the carriage.

“Nile,” Erwin said, striding forward without hesitation, “deploy all your troops. We need to assume
a titan has appeared.”

Nile spun to face them, his eyes wide. “Here? This is Wall Sina! There’s no way a titan could
appear here.”

Levi quietly scanned their surroundings. At least a dozen MP surrounded them, guns drawn but not
aimed, looking frantically at each other for support. In the distance, he could hear shouts. Was that
smoke he smelled?

He pulled the jacket tighter around his shoulders, his muscles physically screaming at him to go
lend support. His ankle throbbed, as if reminding him of his incapacitation. Heart sinking, he stood
close to Erwin’s back, eyeing the MP around them in case one of them should panic and do
something stupid.

There was more shouting behind them, this voice decidedly younger. He turned to see Jean jump
out of the carriage and throw his wig to the ground. He ran up to Erwin and saluted. “Commander!
I want to help.”

Erwin nodded. “Get your equipment from squad 4.”

“Sir!”

Before Jean could run off, Levi added, “I like your enthusiasm, kid, but don’t get yourself killed.”

“Sir!”

As Jean ran away, one of Hange’s squad members hurried up to them with Erwin’s 3DMG case.
Erwin quickly buckled it on.

“Erwin,” Nile barked. “What the hell is this?”

I should be going out there with you. Levi curled into himself. If he had taken Erwin’s advice and
used a cane, would his leg be in better shape now? Or would it be even more stiff? If only he had
given Mikasa better instructions in the forest, he wouldn’t have needed to interfere …

Erwin strode forward in full battle gear. “Everyone who can move, follow me. We’ll rendezvous
with the capture teams.”

“Erwin, wait!” Nile stepped forward and lowered his gun, the barrel aimed squarely at Erwin. The
other MP followed his lead, aiming their guns.

Levi tensed. He had a knife strapped to his calf, beneath his pant leg. Could he bend down, grab it,
and throw it before Nile got a shot off? … could he actually throw a knife at Nile, after having
drinks with him, with his wife, meeting his kids?

He took a steadying breath. Erwin had said to let him handle Nile. Maybe this could be resolved
without violence.

“This is clearly treason against the crown!” Nile’s hands were shaking, sweat dripping down his
temples.

Levi could hold his blade, but not his tongue. “Nile, are your brains as thin as your beard? You’re
about to make the biggest mistake of your life. You don’t even understand what’s happening here.”

Nile ignored him. “Erwin, remove your equipment!”

But Erwin only stared down the barrel, unflinching.

A flash of yellow light lit up the sky.

Levi’s breath caught. Eren. We’re on plan B.

For a moment, Nile stared at the sky, stunned. “What the hell is going on?”

Two MP soldiers landed in front of him, drenched with sweat. “Sir, two titans have started fighting
in the city. Scores of civilians and soldiers are already wounded and killed.”

Nile’s eyes flashed, his teeth bared. “Erwin, is this all your doing? Was this your plan?” This snarl
was different from his previous tone: it was a wounded snarl. Heartbroken. Levi felt a pang of
sympathy. Erwin had once been Nile’s best friend, and now he was willingly destroying the city
Nile had sworn to protect.

Even as someone who fully supported the plan, the thought of so many casualties made Levi’s
stomach churn, too.

“I acted entirely on my own authority,” Erwin said. “I don’t intend to make any excuses.”

Nile lowered his gun and grabbed him by the collar. “You had to have known what would happen
if a titan appeared in the middle of city. Why? Why did you do it?”

“For humanity’s victory,” Erwin said calmly.

“Don’t give me that bullshit! You’re a traitor. None of the higher-ups would complain if I executed
you right now.” The barrel raised to his face again.

Levi’s hands tightened into fists as red began to cloud his vision.

But Erwin spoke up before the rage could take over. “If you wish. But you’ll be in charge of
finishing this operation. Do not let the Female Titan escape. Pehr is in charge of logistics; Beirer is
in charge of supplies. Work with them and do whatever it takes—”

“Wait,” Nile said. “Wait, wait.” He looked as if he were about to crumble to his knees, his face
white. “Do you really believe this is for humanity’s sake?”

“Yes,” Erwin said. “It is an important step forward.”

Levi watched, coiled and ready to spring.

Nile, shaking, lowered his gun. “Everyone, lower your guns. Cuff him. Deploy all troops and focus
on aiding and evacuating the citizens.”

Levi took a deep breath as the other MPs ran off to deploy their teams.

“Erwin,” Nile said, “I’ll leave your execution to the courts.”

“I’ll gladly undergo a trial, once everything is over.” Erwin turned to Levi, his face grim. “Levi,
you stay here. I know you can’t stomach pointless deaths.”

“Yeah,” Levi muttered. “Causing them, or experiencing them.” He couldn’t shake the feeling that
every death in Stohess was on his shoulders. If not for this fucking ankle …

He watched as the soldiers cuffed Erwin. Their eyes locked and, for just a minute, the blue gaze
softened. Then Nile grabbed Erwin’s arm and roughly jerked him away.

He’ll talk his way out of this, Levi thought. He always does.

But that wasn’t what was worrying him. If the casualties were as high as the soldiers had implied,
how would Erwin react? Would he keep the mask on out of necessity? Or would he break down
completely? Levi couldn’t decide which was worse.

Well, that could wait. Levi still had a potential opportunity to save lives. He quietly moved to the
carriage that held his gear. If he was going to be their Plan D, he needed to be ready.

Even buckling the gear made his leg twinge, and he cursed under his breath. He gently took off
Erwin’s jacket and folded it, setting it in his gear case, and pulled on a Survey Corps cloak instead.

Once he was fully geared up, he sank his anchors into an overhang and launched himself onto a
roof, using gas to soften the landing. He hopped between buildings, relying heavily on the gas to
keep pressure off his foot. Manoeuvring through the air was difficult; his injured leg couldn’t exert
much force against the stirrup, so he overcompensated with his good leg, flying unevenly. He had
never felt awkward on the gear before. Even in the Underground, self-taught, he had mastered it
almost immediately. So this is what Isabel went through when she was struggling to learn it. He
felt a renewed sense of appreciation for her tenacity.

As Levi approached Hange’s team, he could see the traps, already deployed, but the Female Titan
and the squad were absent. The buildings around it had been destroyed. Injured and dead soldiers
lay in the streets. His stomach turned. I should have been here, I should have—

He heard a roar as blue light flashed through the air.

He quickened his pace and burst toward the open park by the Wall. All at once, he saw Mikasa
anchored to the Wall, the Female Titan on the ground, Eren’s titan pinning her down with its jaws
spread as if to eat Annie Leonhart inside, and Hange’s squad watching helplessly from the
rooftops. The blue light was coming from the two titans; the Female Titan appeared to be
syphoning energy from Eren, almost as if they were fusing.

Shit! Levi launched forward without thinking. His leg twinged as he landed on the back of Eren’s
titan, his swords slicing into the nape.

Eren burst from the flesh, eyes rolling back into his head, his face and hands still bound to the titan
by strings of sinew.

“Don’t eat our key evidence, idiot,” Levi said.

Around them, the blue glow faded.

Mikasa landed beside him. “Eren.” She looped her arms through his, struggling to pull him free.
Levi sliced through the extra sinew, helping her free him; once she had him, he limped toward
Hange.

“Levi! I thought you were injured.”

“I am.”

“Good thing you came when you did.” Hange gripped his arm, and the two of them turned to
Annie Leonhardt.

Panic raced up Levi’s esophagus; he swallowed it down. Beside him, Hange gasped.

“She’s … crystallized?”

A thick casing of translucent, blue-tinted stone covered Annie Leonhart’s entire body; it resembled
the hard coating she had formed over her fingers earlier. Levi limped forward to examine the face
of the girl who had killed his entire squad. She looked young and surprisingly vulnerable, her face
visibly damp with tears.

Levi’s teeth clenched as revulsion and pity warred within him. She had shed tears in the forest of
giant trees, too. She’s just a scared child. What is she fighting for?

He became aware of a continual clanging, and realized Jean was stabbing at the crystal with a
broken sword.

“Jean.” He caught the boy’s arm. Rage was futile; the crystal was invulnerable to their blades. Jean
bowed his head, quietly sobbing.

Hange ran a hand along the surface of the crystal. “Well, we got her.”

“At what cost?” Levi said. “And how are we supposed to question a crystal?”

Hange’s lips flattened. “Well, for now, we can move her below ground, where she can’t awaken
and transform. My squad may be able to come up with a way to get her out of there.”

“You think you can handle all this?” Levi glanced back down the road, looking for Erwin and the
MP. He would be wanting an update.

“Yeah, go ahead.” Hange turned to the others. “Moblit, Nifa, we need rope.”

Levi turned and limped toward the city.

Erwin was still in manacles; Nile and the MP escorts were staring at the steaming remains of the
two titans, eyes wide.

Levi stepped past Erwin and stopped, standing protectively between him and his captors. “The plan
wasn’t much of a success.”

“No,” Erwin said, “but we have enough to keep the Survey Corps in the clear, for now. Just
barely.”

Levi cast him a sidelong glance. “Let’s hope so.” He could protect Erwin from dying on the
battlefield, but he couldn’t protect him from the law. The word execution was still thundering in his
mind. “You think you can convince them?”

“Yes,” Erwin said confidently. “We took the Female Titan out of the equation—who knows what
she was planning to do while in Stohess? Any losses we incurred now would have been hundreds
of times worse if they took down Wall Rose and Sina.”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Nile closed in on them. “Let’s go, Erwin.”

“What’s your hurry?” Levi said. “Shouldn’t your soldiers be helping us secure the traitor we
captured, instead of wasting time locking down a cooperative man who has already surrendered?”

“Just five more minutes, if you please, Nile,” Erwin said quietly. “Then I promise I’ll go quietly.”

Nile gave a weary sigh. “Fine.” He turned, giving orders to his men. Several of them began to run
toward the crystallized girl to assist Hange’s squad.

Erwin turned to face Levi. “We can expect an impromptu assembly shortly to figure out how to
respond to my actions today. We need to make sure Hange is present to speak to the research
prospects for our captured shifter.”

“What should I do?”

“You were injured and, as far as the military is concerned, had no part in this. I’d like to keep it
that way.”

Levi’s face softened. “Are you protecting me?”

“Yes. It’s not just for selfish reasons either, Levi, it’s for the greater good. Your role, for now, is to
continue protecting Eren.” Erwin’s eyes hardened. “This move will attract our enemies’ attention.
There’s a good chance they’ll come after Eren even more aggressively than before. You’re the only
one I trust to keep him safe.”

“I’d have a better chance without this damned ankle.” Levi was afraid to ask, but he had to silence
the storm in his mind. “Are they going to execute you?”

“I doubt it—I’ve made myself valuable, both as a Commander and as a potential scapegoat. They’ll
want to keep me alive. But ultimately, it won’t slow the Survey Corps down much if they execute
me. Eren’s safety is more important than mine. I am replaceable; he is not.”

Levi’s lip curled. There was no one who could replace Erwin, no one who had his balance of
experience, skill, and foresight. “That’s bullshit. But I trust you to talk your way out of this.” He
looked away. “I’ll watch Eren, but you’d better send word the second they release you.”

“Of course.” Erwin nodded at him. “Take care, Levi.” It was the closest they could come to saying
something more meaningful, with so many eyes on them.
“Yeah. Stay alive.” Levi watched him for a moment longer, then turned, limping back toward
Hange, Eren and the rest of the group.

The main Military Police barracks in Stohess had been partially destroyed by the fight, so Levi
brought Eren and his friends to one of the smaller, unused barracks instead. He informed the MP he
had injured soldiers with him, intentionally omitting Eren’s name. The soldiers were all too rattled
to follow procedure and check identification, anyway.

They settled Eren, who was still unconscious, in a small room in the far wing of the building.
Mikasa and Armin sat by his side. Jean leaned against a wall, more stoic.

Levi felt as if he were intruding. Besides, his leg was aching, and he was exhausted and worried
about Erwin. The last thing he wanted to do was sit around staring at an unconscious kid while
everyone around him was contemplating their mortality. He left them alone and settled into an
empty room next door.

Settling onto the window ledge, Levi stared down into the street. Townsfolk were sweeping the
cobblestone and fixing broken windows. Every person he could see was too slim and poorly
dressed to be nobles; more likely, they were servants of the upper class. Even when faced with
disaster in their own city, the nobles couldn’t be bothered to pitch in.

This was the society Levi had once craved to belong to, the one for which he had planned to kill
Erwin. Knowing what he did now about the noble class, he wondered how he, Farlan and Isabel
had ever expected to fit in. A life of luxury and pampering would have been boring.

The Underground, however, was too full of death and despair. A little house in a smaller city in
Wall Rose would have been a nice balance: idyllic and serene.

A little house in Wall Rose … He allowed himself to daydream for a moment. They could have a
tea shop in the front, and a yard in the back. They’d get Erwin his dog—honestly, Levi wanted one,
too—and grow vegetables, maybe even some flowers. After Erwin finished teaching, they would
close up the shop and head to the stream to fish for their supper.

His hand rose to his chest, but then he remembered he wasn’t wearing his military uniform, and he
had lost the wedding ring, anyway. Instead, he caught the collar of Erwin’s suit jacket and lifted it
to his nose. He caught a whisper of cologne before his nose adjusted. The scent was fading with
wear.

His eyes slipped closed and he folded his arms over his chest. It was wrong for Erwin to face the
Council without Levi at his side. It was a nice gesture to try to protect Levi by leaving him out of
it, but if word reached him that Erwin had been executed, he would fly into a rage, anyway, and
end up in a noose himself.

He’ll talk his way out of it. Then maybe they could have their little house in Wall Rose, even if it
was just part time. Hell, at this point, he’d take a few nights at one of their apartments.

A knock sounded at the door, and he realized his chin was tucked to his chest and the sun had
shifted a few hours across the sky.

“Levi?” Erwin called, voice brisk. “Are you in there?”

He’s okay, he thought, followed by, That was too fast. The hair on his neck stood on end. “What’s
going on?”
Erwin strode in, followed by Hange. Their faces were white as they sat at the table.

“Well?” Levi asked, limping over to take a seat.

“Wall Rose has been breached,” Erwin said.

Levi’s stomach dropped. “What?”

“We don’t know where. Titans have appeared inside Wall Rose. Mike’s squad and the Garrison are
mobilizing to find the breach. It appears to have come from between Krolva and Trost, but we’re
still waiting on word from Krolva to make sure the city wasn’t lost. They would have sent runners
immediately in case of an attack, so we must assume either they were immediately and decisively
wiped out, or, more likely, the Wall has been breached elsewhere.”

“That’s impossible.”

Hange said quietly, “Annie Leonhart encasing herself in crystal was impossible before today, too.”

“Shit.” Levi rolled his neck, trying to loosen it. “What’s the plan?”

“Hange’s squad will take Eren, Mikasa, and Armin southwest as an improvised squad. Their goal
is to meet up with Mike’s squad and help with the wall investigation effort. You will travel with
them as far as Ehrmich, then part ways to head south with Minister Nick.”

“Minister Nick?” Levi’s gaze shifted between the two of them. “What the hell do we need him
for?”

“There are titans in the Walls,” Hange blurted. “ Inside the walls, Levi, encased in stone, and it
seems they’re alive. The Wallists know something about them. Minister Nick ran up to me after the
attacks, while you were speaking with Erwin. I tried to get information out of him, but he’s not
talking. He would only mention that a bloodline is entrusted with the secret, and that’s it.”

“A bloodline—?”

Erwin cut in: “Nile gave us permission to take custody of the Minister until we can figure out
what’s going on with the Wall. He needs to be kept under careful protection. The other Wallists
may be willing to take decisive action to ensure he stays silent.”

“Fuck.” Levi felt a headache coming on. This was too much to deal with at once. “So I’m stuck
with shitgoggles, the fresh brats, and a Wallfucker. What are you doing while all this is going on,
Erwin?”

“I’ll only be a few hours behind you. I’ll be trying to convince Nile to release his soldiers into our
custody to help fight the breach in Wall Maria. I’ll also be following up on the background checks
into our titan shifter suspects. We can’t disregard the possibility that one of our soldiers somehow
triggered this attack. This means I have to make a quick trip up to Mitras.”

“Alone?”

“I’ll have Jean with me. He sustained a minor shoulder injury during the fight, and I want to make
sure he takes an extra day to heal. Besides, he’s eager to help, and he reminds me a lot of Nile. I
suspect Nile is more likely to listen to him than to me.”

Levi remembered the boy attacking Annie’s crystal in vain, and wondered if the shoulder injury
had really come about in combat. “Okay. If you think that’s best.”
“It is.”

Hange stood. “I’ll go get the carriage ready and assemble my squad. Levi, I’ll see you in the
courtyard in ten minutes.”

The door closed.

Levi held Erwin’s gaze. “We’re fucked.”

“Possibly. We need to get Eren to the hole in the Wall as soon as possible so he can seal it. Armin
and Mikasa need to be there for him to have a motive; they convinced him to transform in today’s
battle when he wasn’t in the right mental state. If they can work together to block the hole, we
might be okay.”

Levi inhaled, shaky. “That’s the second attack on Wall Rose in—”

“I know.” Erwin stood. “As long as we draw breath, we’ll keep fighting.”

“I could do with a little more time to draw those breaths, but yeah, we will.” Levi stood, too. “At
least they didn’t execute you.”

“It came a little too close for comfort, but ultimately, they were able to see the value in Annie
Leonhart’s capture.” Erwin reached out and cupped his cheek. “You’re shaking.”

“No, I’m not.” His stomach flipped; he felt as if he were about to vomit. He covered the large hand
with his own, squeezing it for support. “Do you need me to question Minister Nick?”

“You can if you like, but be delicate. We want to convince him we’re his allies, not break him.”

“Okay.”

“Stay safe. I’ll see you in Ehrmich tonight.” Erwin bent down. His kiss was so soft that Levi could
feel the plumpness of his lips, feel the breaths from his nose.

Their hands trailed as he left the room.

Erwin sat in the carriage with Jean. Across from them, Nile was slumped in a corner, arms folded
over his chest. Another soldier Erwin didn’t recognize sat beside Nile, back too straight, as if she
were uncomfortable with being in their presence.

Beside him, Jean was staring out the window, his expression grim. Erwin knew that expression,
that bitterness: the boy had lost someone, a lover or a friend, maybe a family member. He waited
until Nile and the other MP were engaged in discussion over some files, then leaned a bit closer,
his voice low.

“Jean.”

“Mm?” The boy looked up, blinking, as if he had been deep in thought.

“Holding up okay?”

Jean held his gaze for a moment, eyes narrowing a bit, as if sizing him up. Then he shrugged and
said, “Yeah, I guess.”
“It’s okay if the answer is no. Everyone’s shaken, even those of us who didn’t have the personal
connection to Leonhart that you and your classmates did. And I believe you were originally going
to join the Military Police, isn’t that right? It would be only natural to question your decisions to
join the Survey Corps right now.”

There was a long pause, then Jean said, “Is this a test?”

“No. But we’re in a unique position here: you are going to be privy to information and
conversations that new recruits aren’t normally exposed to, and you and I haven’t had the
opportunity to develop the trust and mutual respect that normally form in advance of these types of
situations.” Erwin paused. “If you have any doubts about serving the Survey Corps, it isn’t too late;
we do, on occasion, transfer soldiers between divisions, and I could put in a good word for you.”
Petra and Oluo flashed through his mind, then Levi motionless in the shower, but he pushed the
memory aside.

Jean looked at the window again, jaw tight. “It’s tempting.”

“It sounds like there’s a ‘but’ after that.”

“Well, yeah. Annie and whoever else is on her side, they took a lot from me, and if Wall Rose
falls, they’ll take even more. I don’t want to fight, but I’d never forgive myself if I ran away and
hid. Besides—” He paused and eyed Nile, as if making sure he wouldn’t be overheard. “We’re
trying to pull them into combat now anyway, right? So it’s not like I’d be any safer inside Wall
Sina.”

Erwin smiled. “True.”

Jean slumped into the seat a little. “What about you, Commander?”

“Am I questioning my decision to join the Survey Corps?” Erwin asked, amused.

“No, I mean, how are you holding up?” The boy’s shoulders tensed a little. “You don’t have to
answer that.”

“No, it’s okay. To be honest, I’m not really considering my emotional state, so I don’t have an
answer for you.”

“You can just … not think about it?”

“After nearly two decades with the Survey Corps, a person learns to compartmentalize.” Maybe he
could dig a bit deeper, just this once. He needed to earn Jean’s trust as much as the other way
around. “Naturally, I’m concerned about the state of Wall Rose, and what it means for humanity.
The recent frequency of their attacks is worrying, as is Annie Leonhart’s brazen grab for Eren. Our
enemies are getting desperate, and we don’t know what’s driving them to escalate.” He rubbed his
breast pocket, feeling the small ring inside it. “I’m also concerned about what Captain Levi’s
absence will mean for our troops on the ground, and concerned about whether or not his leg will
ever heal to its former state. But in spite of all that, I’m also full of hope.”

Across from him, Nile had lifted his eyes to watch him.

“Hope?” Jean asked, sounding doubtful.

“We have Eren and his basement key. And with Wall Rose in danger, we’ll have all three branches
of the military cooperating to keep the Wall citizens safe.” He tried to hold Nile’s gaze, but Nile
quickly looked down.
For a moment, the only sound was the rattling carriage.

“You think he’s that important?” Jean asked quietly. “Eren?”

“Yes, I do. His powers make him the most important person within the Walls.”

“He couldn’t even fight Annie, at first.” Jean’s voice tightened.. “Armin and I had to yell at him to
get him to transform.”

“Yes. And he did transform, and he helped us capture Annie. That’s a valuable lesson in itself,
Jean: Eren is important, but he can’t succeed alone. Every single soldier within these Walls brings
something unique to the battlefield, a piece of a grander puzzle. We can help Eren succeed, but
only if we work together.” His gaze shifted to Nile. “All of us.”

Nile stared fixedly out the window, a muscle in his jaw jumping.

They arrived in Mitras an hour before their scheduled time to meet with Zackly, so Erwin left Jean
at the barracks and strode to the nearby park. He dropped a request into the drop box: a coded
request for more information about this mysterious bloodline that Minister Nick had said held the
secret of the Walls. After casually circling the park to ensure he wasn’t being watched, he sat at the
usual bench with his legs crossed at the ankles, the symbol that he wanted to meet up.

He had expected a runner to arrange a proper meeting time—if the usual group was even interested
in talking to him, after all the scrutiny the Survey Corps had been under lately. He was surprised
when one of his usual contacts sat down beside him. She wore a plain skirt and a button-up shirt,
and she carried a newspaper, which she opened.

“That was fast,” he murmured, not looking at her. “I expected you would still be avoiding me.”

“Your group was running too hot for us for a couple days, but government officials only care about
the wall at the moment. Heard you were on your way. The records were in rough shape, but we
pieced something together for you. Ask for my newspaper when I stand up.”

She stood as if to leave.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” Erwin said. “Are you finished with that paper?”

“Oh, yes I am. Take it.” She handed it to him. He accepted and dug in his pocket, continuing the
charade.

“Here, let me pay you for—”

“No, no, that’s not necessary. Have a good day.” She gave him a polite smile and walked off.

He sat down with the paper and opened it. A note was taped to a page near the back. He quickly
deciphered it.

Two other trainees came from AL’s hometown: Bertolt Hoover and Reiner Braun.

“Shit,” he whispered. Those were two of the trainees they had sequestered away with Mike.

He stood and folded the paper, walking briskly to find Jean. He found him waiting in the meeting
room, looking bored. Unfortunately, there were too many others around to discuss what he had
learned.
“Jean,” Erwin said. “Come with me.”

“Hey.” Nile was sitting at the other end of the table, arms folded tightly over his chest. “Don’t
duck out now. We’re almost ready to start.”

“Very well.” He quickly scrawled a message for Mike and another for Hange, folding them. He
handed them to Jean, along with a note indicating the Squad Leaders’ expected locations. “Seal
these in envelopes and hire messengers to run them to Mike and Hange as urgently as possible. I’ll
find you at the barracks once this meeting is over.” He had hoped to have Jean at his side for the
meeting, but it was far more important that the Squad Leaders received this information.

Jean stood. “Yes, sir.”

As he left, Nile said, “What was that about?”

“You’ll know soon enough,” Erwin said with a pleasant smile.

Zackly joined them a few minutes later. “Looks like everyone’s here. Commander Pixis won’t be
joining us; he’s too busy coordinating the Garrison forces out of Trost. Erwin, am I to understand
that your troops will be joining them?”

“Yes, sir.”

Zackly adjusted his spectacles as he examined a piece of paper. “And you want Nile to send the
MP as well.”

“Impossible,” Nile said. “The MP are needed to maintain order within the walls and facilitate the
evacuation of Wall Rose. It’s already going to be a difficult job without the Garrison’s assistance.
We can’t spare a single soldier.”

Erwin folded his hands in front of him on the table. “Nile, what if I told you we had identified two
more titan shifters within the Walls—possibly the Colossal and Armoured Titans themselves?”

Nile stared, mouth open, as did the MP soldier beside him. Only Zackly remained motionless.

“How?” Nile asked finally.

“There are two more members of the 104th Trainee Squad whose records indicate they came from
the same hometown as Annie Leonhart. These two soldiers were among our potential suspects in
our search for a mole; they’re being guarded by Mike’s squad right now. They don’t know we
know their secret, so we have the opportunity to capture them alive or take them down, but only if
we’re prepared. Annie Leonhart on her own took our entire Corps to capture. Two shifters will be
even more difficult.”

Nile’s mouth began to twist into a sneer. “You’re certain it’s them?”

“Yes,” Erwin lied.

“Based on their hometown of origin.”

“We’re out of time. We have to grasp at any clues we have. Jumping on similarly tenuous clues led
us to Annie Leonhart.” Erwin stared directly into his eyes and said quietly, “Will you help us?”

“It’s your decision, Nile,” Zackly said. “We’re in crisis mode, so there’s no right or wrong answer.
Whatever you think is best.”
Nile glanced at him, then back at Erwin, then leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his
chest. “Fine. I’ll give you one improvised squad. That’s all we can spare. I’ll give you the soldiers
who excel at 3DMG—they’ll be more use to you than they would be in the Interior.”

Erwin found he could breathe again. “Thank you.”

“We’ll sort out the roster back at the barracks.” Nile turned to Zackly. “As for the evacuation, I’ll
follow the pre-existing emergency plan to the letter. If you have time to speak with the nobles who
own the Underground ladders, it will help the sub-surface evacuation immensely.”

“I’ll arrange it,” Zackly said with a nod, and he stood. “Dismissed.”

As the room began to clear, Erwin turned to Nile. “I’m impressed you agreed so quickly.”

“You were right about the Female Titan,” Nile said gruffly. “But if you’re reckless with my men, I
swear I will cut you down.”

“I will only take necessary risks. I promise you.”

“We have very different ideas about ‘necessary risks.’”

Erwin reached out to grip his shoulder. “You do what you do best, Nile, and focus on keeping the
people inside the walls safe. I’ll do what I do best and hunt down the threats that are poised to
eliminate us.”

Nile held his gaze. “Fine,” he said quietly. “But this doesn’t mean I trust you.”

“I know,” Erwin said.

Levi was glad Erwin had ordered him to be gentle with Minister Nick, because travelling with him
was absolutely infuriating, and Levi would have punched the man by now. When Levi and Hange
had tried to get more information out of him during the carriage ride, he had stayed perfectly silent,
his face impassive. Torture was the next logical step. Levi was good at torture, but he loathed it.

Thankfully, when they reached the gates of Ehrmich, a shift finally came over the Minister’s
demeanour. The roads were flooded with Wall Rose refugees, faces tear-stained and panicked;
perhaps it was guilt that provoked him to give them one bit of useful information.

Krista Lenz, a member of the 104th, was part of the bloodline that held the secrets of the walls.
Levi had no idea how a bloodline could hold secrets, but Minister Nick had a grandiose way of
speech, so maybe it was his fancy way of saying she had a book or another key.

The mystery deepened when Mikasa mentioned that Krista Lenz was always together with a
member of the 104th named Ymir. Both Levi and Hange had been startled, remembering the titan
who had bowed to Ilse Langnar, calling her Ymir.

The more information they got, the more questions they had.

But there was no time to ponder them, because Hange had to take the remaining soldiers southwest
to try to intercept Mike’s squad.

So, Levi settled Minister Nick into the barracks, where he would be safe from Wallist assassins and
whoever else might want to silence him. The next morning, they would head to Trost.
They dined on cold stew, left over from lunch hours earlier. Levi eyed the minister for a while,
trying to figure out how to casually ask the question that was on his mind.

“The Wallists who were crushed when the Female Titan destroyed the church,” he began.

Minister Nick looked up at him, but said nothing.

Levi continued, “I know two women who are part of your cult. Were they among the dead? One is
named Tessa, the other is her mother.”

The minister’s eyes lit with recognition. “Ah, from Mitras? No, Sister Tessa disappeared when her
husband passed away. Her mother stayed in Mitras. Neither of them was in the Stohess church at
the time of the attack.”

Good. Levi didn’t like either of the women, but if they had died in Stohess, Erwin would take that
guilt onto his shoulders. He had enough as it was.

The minister looked so miserable, probably considering the lost lives, that Levi felt an
uncomfortable wave of pity. This was someone who, in spite of his infuriating beliefs, had lost as
much as the rest of them. It was hard to equate such a broken man with the whiny thorn in their
side during Council meetings.

“I’m going to assign four guards to your room,” Levi said. “Two patrolling the door, two outside
the window. No one will touch you.” Technically, Levi didn’t have any authority over the MP, but
they didn’t seem to know that, and he needed a break.

The minister said nothing.

“For what it’s worth,” Levi said, “we were supposed to catch the Female Titan before she got to the
church. We didn’t want innocent people to die.”

“Good intentions will not be enough to save this world,” the minister said sadly, and he refused to
say anything further.

After ensuring the MP soldiers were in place, Levi stepped outside. The sky was streaked red, the
air brisk. He wandered to a park near the wall, the one he presumed Erwin had always referred to
when he spoke of the place where ‘August and Emil’ would get engaged. There was a small hill
near the back of it, a smattering of trees at its peak. He traipsed through the long grasses and
wildflowers, settling to a seat against one of the trees. The bark was rough against his back, and
when he looked up, he saw a grey squirrel on the lowest branch, staring down at him from between
the needles. It twitched.

“Hey,” Levi said quietly.

The squirrel stared for a moment longer, then skittered to higher branches. It was a ridiculous
thought, but it reminded him of Isabel, with its combination of curiosity, hyperactivity, and self-
preservation.

Thinking of Isabel led him to Petra. She wouldn’t be a squirrel; she’d be something more graceful,
but also fearsome when it needed to be. Maybe a cat.

He let out a low sigh. He missed his entire team, but he missed her the most. Part of it was certainly
guilt: things had still been awkward between them when she had died. If they’d had a few months
after their conversation in the park, any lingering feelings would have settled, and they could have
resumed being close friends. She had downplayed her feelings as a silly crush, but he knew better
than that. He knew true friendship when he saw it, and it was rare.

Thoughts of true friendship drove his hand automatically to his breast pocket, but he stopped when
he remembered the ring had been lost. When is that reflex going to stop?

Now he was missing Erwin, the ache larger and emptier than Isabel and Petra put together.
Logically, that made no sense: he could see Erwin any time he wanted. He would, in fact, likely see
him within the next several hours.

Levi had never been the type to cling to others in times of uncertainty; if anything, he was more
likely to push them away. Somehow, the exact opposite was true with Erwin. Somehow, the
rougher things became, the more he wanted—needed—to be at his side.

The sky was darker now, and a chilly breeze made him shiver. He stood and nestled deep into
Erwin’s jacket, flipping the collar up around his jaw like a bird ruffling its feathers. The city
stretched before him. Yellow lamplight glowed in the windows and radiated from the buggies
travelling through the streets; he could just barely make out their silhouettes against the brickwork
of buildings, black-blue in the fading light.

For a moment, he felt calm. Maybe it was wrong to feel peace when humanity was in peril, but it
was a welcome break.

When he returned to the base, he was surprised to see Jean waiting for him outside the barracks
entrance.

“That was fast.”

Jean shrugged. “I guess everyone realized this is no time for politics.”

“Still. Those assholes always have time for politics. Did you get MP soldiers?”

“Yeah, a whole squad of them. The Commanders hand-picked them, and messengers are rallying
them right now. They’ll meet us in Trost tomorrow morning, together with whatever additional
Garrison soldiers Commander Pixis managed to gather.”

“Good. I’m guessing Erwin went to talk to Minister Nick?”

“Yeah, and he was looking for you, too.”

Levi pulled the jacket tighter around himself. “What orders did he give you?”

“I don’t really have any,” Jean said. “The Commander was in a hurry. There’s some new
information he has to discuss with you.”

They strode through the barracks to Minister Nick’s room. Levi peered inside and saw Erwin
speaking quietly with the Minister. The guards outside the door saluted as he approached, but he
ignored them.

“Take that room,” he said to Jean, pointing to a room two doors down. “Get some rest. Erwin and I
will be sharing the room in-between. We’ll call for you if we need you.”

As Levi stepped into the room, Erwin turned his head slightly, as if acknowledging him in his
periphery, but his eyes remained focused on Minister Nick.
“I can’t tell you that,” the minister was saying, his voice frayed.

“I suspected as much. Please eat the dinner we provided. The guards will be keeping watch.”
Erwin gave his polite smile, then stood.

Levi followed him to the door. “I have updates.”

“So do I. Do you want to go to the apartment to discuss them?”

Levi hesitated. The apartment in Ehrmich was too big of a symbol for a short visit. “It’s getting
late. We don’t have much time.”

He swore Erwin’s eyes twinkled at him. “You think we’d get distracted?”

“I know we’d get distracted.”

“Then let’s go for a walk through the training grounds. Fewer ears than in the barracks.”

The grounds behind the barracks were smaller than the ones in Trost, but still had ample trees and
cover. The moon was full, and Levi’s eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness.

“This should be private enough.” Erwin sat on a bench near one of the wooden training titans.

Levi sat beside him. “Why do the MP bother training against titans like this if they never see
them?”

“Some of them might, tomorrow.”

“Huh. I guess so.”

Erwin slid closer to him, finding his hand on the surface of the bench. His voice was soft: “We
suspect the Armoured and Colossal titans are with the group Mike was watching.”

“Oh?”

“Our background checks showed two 104th trainees originating from the same town as Annie
Leonhart.”

“That’s not a lot to go on.”

“No.” Erwin’s hand squeezed tighter. “We’re out of options.”

“I know. It gets worse.” Levi looked around and, confident they were alone, leaned against Erwin’s
shoulder. “Armin thinks the Walls are made from titans standing side-by-side, bonded by the rock
substance the Female Titan formed.”

“Really,” Erwin said, as if deep in thought.

“The Wallists probably know this. Hange thinks Eren could plug the hole in Wall Rose if he can
harden like the Female Titan did.” Levi nuzzled closer. “Minister Nick gave us the name of a
descendent of the special bloodline. One of the 104th soldiers: Krista Lenz.”

“Interesting. She’s with Mike’s squad now, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. We don’t know what’s so special about her yet.”

“I’ll put my contacts on it.” Erwin paused. “It can’t be a coincidence that all these people ended up
in the same Trainee branch.”

“Seems unlikely. You think the shifters were looking for Krista?”

“And possibly Eren as well.” Erwin let out a low sigh.

“Everything is changing so quickly, huh,” Levi said.

“Indeed.”

The wind blew through the trees. It sounded like rushing water. Levi closed his eyes as
goosebumps rose on his skin everywhere except the side that was in contact with Erwin’s arm. “I
asked Minister Nick about your mother and sister.”

The arm muscles tensed. “Oh?”

“They weren’t in Stohess during the battle.”

There was a pause so long that Levi lifted his head to look at him. Erwin stared straight ahead, his
face stony in the moonlight.

“He said your sister left the Wallists after her husband died. Maybe she’ll talk.”

Erwin blinked as if coming back to himself, then shook his head. “If they let her leave willingly,
she doesn’t have any secrets worth protecting. My mother, on the other hand … ”

“You going to try talking to her?”

“I’m quite certain I’m dead to her, after what Sahlo’s friends did to my brother-in-law. That event
might have shaken her enough to make her willing to talk to others, however. I wonder if my
contacts could arrange a meeting with her. I’ll suggest it to them.”

After a long pause, Levi decided it was better to change the subject. “No news on Wall Rose?”

“No.”

“Me neither. We would have heard by now if they had found the hole, right?”

Erwin nodded. “One of the parties would have sent a runner. Maybe it got dark before they were
successful.”

Neither of them said the next line, but Levi knew they were both thinking it: or there was no one
left alive to send.

“ What next?” he murmured.

“You’ll come with us to Trost early in the morning. You’ll be staying there to keep an eye on
Minister Nick, and doing what you can to help Nile and Pixis evacuate Wall Rose.”

Levi’s throat tightened. And you’ll head into the fray without my protection. “You think the
Colossal and Armoured Titans wiped out Mike’s squad?”

“I don’t know,” Erwin said. “I sent a message to Hange’s squad asking them to treat the shifters as
if their identities were still a secret. As long as they want to protect that secret, they’ll be out of
play.”
But if they don’t care about protecting their secret, you’ll be riding out to face them head-on. He
turned to look at Erwin, jaw clenching. Erwin turned, too, meeting his gaze.

Levi grabbed his chin and pulled him in, catching him in a hard kiss. Maybe Erwin was afraid, too,
because his arms wrapped around Levi, pulling their chests flush. The kiss transitioned into a series
of soft kisses, cool air hitting damp lips between them. Levi pushed deeper, slid his tongue into
Erwin’s mouth, felt the familiar ridges on the roof of his mouth, the smooth surface of his teeth.

Erwin caught his shoulder and gently pushed him away. His breaths were harsh against Levi’s
mouth and nose. “If we’re going to do this, we should go somewhere private.”

Don’t go. Send them to fight without you. Levi bit the inside of his cheek. “We’re sharing a room
next to Minister Nick. We’ll just have to be quiet. You don’t have anything else to say about
strategy?”

Erwin shook his head. “I won’t know what we’re running into tomorrow until we get there, and
you already have your assignment.” He pressed his palm to Levi’s cheek, face solemn. “I can’t
remember the last time I went into battle without you by my side.”

Don’t go. Levi closed his eyes. “Let’s go back to the room.”

They walked briskly to the barracks and nodded at the guards outside Minister Nick’s door. Levi
was glad to see they were awake, sober and alert; he had expected less of them. They looked
young. Probably too young to have settled into the lazy ways of the more senior MP.

“Here.” He opened the door of the next room, letting Erwin through. “Two beds, so we can bunk
together.”

He stepped through, then found himself flat against the wall, Erwin leaning into him as the door
closed. Broad hands were in his hair, and his mouth was warm and open, and his thigh was firmly
pressing between Levi’s legs—

“Stop,” whimpered a feeble voice from the back of the room.

They froze.

Jean stood by the window, hunched, a hand covering his eyes.

Levi’s head slumped back against the wall. “Shit.”

“I’m sorry,” Jean said, unmoving. “I had a question and thought I’d wait for you to get back—I
didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine,” Erwin said calmly, stepping aside and standing tall. “What was your question?”

“I don’t remember!”

“Shit.” Levi folded his arms over his chest. “You okay, kid?”

Jean finally lowered his hands. His face was red. “Yeah. I mean, I won’t say anything to anyone. I
just … didn’t expect … ”

“We should have used more discretion,” Erwin said.

“Yeah,” Levi said, turning to give him a pointed look. This wasn’t their base. They were lucky it
had only been Jean.
“That being said … ” Erwin strode to the desk and pulled out a chair, indicating for Jean to do the
same. “While we’re all here, the three of us should take a minute to go over the plan for
tomorrow.”

The boy still looked uncomfortable, but he sat. Levi sauntered over to the bed and sat on it, arms
still folded over his chest. Somehow, this felt less catastrophic than it had the time Hange and Berit
had walked in on them. For one thing, the position had been less compromising. For another, he
was surprised to discover that with all that was going on, he didn’t give a shit anymore who knew
about them. Was the Council really going to try them for misconduct when everything was going
to hell?

Erwin spoke at length to Jean, revealing more information than Levi expected, including the
potential hint that a bloodline within the Walls carried a secret about the titans. At first, he Erwin
thought had just taken a shine to the boy and was grooming him for a Squad Leader role one day,
but then he realized what was going on: Jean was going to be the only Survey Corps member riding
with Erwin to the front lines, because the others were already on the field. He’s making sure Jean
knows everything in case he falls on the way there.

Levi’s stomach heaved. He curled tighter into himself.

By the time the discussion ended, Jean looked to be at ease again. On top of relaying necessary
information, the conversation had been a successful distraction.

“That’s all,” Erwin said. “Go get some rest. We’ll be leaving for Trost well before dawn. I’ll send
someone to wake you.”

Jean nodded and stood. He looked between the two of them, a hint of a grimace returning. “Look
—”

“It’s fine,” Erwin said. “We trust you to keep our secret. Our relationship is strictly on a need-to-
know basis among trusted comrades who understand our romantic entanglement has no impact on
our decisions on the field. That has been the case for several years, and we’ve never had a
complaint. Since you’ve seen us interact on a professional level more often than the other new
recruits, I trust you understand that as well.”

“Sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

Jean gave a formal salute, then quickly stepped from the room. The door swung closed, and Erwin
locked it.

“Lesson learned,” Levi said dryly. “Check the room first next time before you start dry humping
me.”

“Getting caught in the act twice in four years isn’t such a bad track record, is it? Particularly
considering how little privacy our living quarters afford us.”

“We’re just lucky it was Jean.”

“I suppose.” Erwin sat on the bed beside him. “Oddly, I don’t find myself caring too much about
who discovers us anymore.”

“Neither do I, but there might be some Council members who would hold it against you. We don’t
need you getting tangled in red tape when you should be free to focus on humanity.” Levi glanced
at the dying lamp. “We have to be up in a few hours.”

“Yeah.” Erwin’s hand slid onto his thigh. “Maybe something quick?” His hand settled between
Levi’s legs, gently squeezing through the fabric.

Levi’s eyes closed, his breath shuddering between parted lips. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I was enjoying kissing you. Maybe we could use our hands on each other so we can kiss
some more?”

“Okay. But fully naked.” He wanted to study Erwin’s body. His stomach was still churning.

In spite of their goal to be quick, they undressed slowly, smoothing the fabric away with gentle
palms. They curled under the blankets, facing each other, lips and legs interlocking. The angle
made it difficult to effectively touch each other, but the contact was enough to keep things moving
forward, until Levi couldn’t resist anymore: he ducked under the covers and pulled Erwin into his
mouth to finish him off. Erwin’s cries were silent, both of them aware of the thin walls between
them and their neighbours, but his hand tightened into Levi’s hair.

When Levi surfaced again, Erwin gave him a deep kiss, then slid under the covers this time,
returning the favour. Levi clenched his teeth, lips flared, arching deep into the warm mouth; it was
hard to hold back his groans, but he managed to vent them as harsh breaths instead.

Even once they were finished, Erwin kept kissing him, kept running his hands over his entire body.

Don’t stop, Levi thought, even as his eyelids were drooping closed. Don’t go …

They fell asleep facing each other, still intertwined, their foreheads pressed together on the pillow.
 Love
Chapter Notes

A/N: This chapter went up at the same time as chapter 41 - please read that one first!

-42-

Love

When the wake-up knock sounded at the door, it was still dark outside.

Levi stood first, hoping, by some miracle, his leg had healed enough for him to follow his
Commander into battle. It was moving a bit better than the day before, but too weak. He swallowed
against the lump in his throat and dressed, pulling Erwin’s black jacket around his shoulders.

They sat with Jean and Minister Nick at the breakfast table, along with the bulk of the improvised
squad of MP who would be joining them. Levi expected things to be strained with Jean, but he was
acting the same as ever—standoffish, but polite enough. The minister was acting the same as ever,
too; he sat staring down at his food, barely eating, his expression morose.

At the end of the meal, the MP Squad Leader, a man named Steinhart, sat across from them.

“Commander, Captain,” he said, not saluting. “Commander Nile told us we’d be meeting up with
the Garrison in Trost to help clear titans from Wall Rose.”

“Something like that,” Erwin said. “Do you have transport?”

“Yeah, the wagons are stocked and the horses are saddled and ready to leave.”

“Good. Levi and Minister Nick, you can ride in one of the wagons.” Erwin stood. “We should head
out immediately.”

“I’ll escort the minister to the wagon,” Jean said.

“Thank you, but Levi can do that.”

“I know. I figured you and the Captain might like one last chance to confer before we set out.” Jean
didn’t look at them. “In case there was any last-minute secret strategy to discuss, or something.”

Levi nodded. “Yeah, I do have one last thing to discuss. We’ll be down in a minute.”

“Thank you, Jean,” Erwin said.

They stepped into the hallway, then back into the room they had used the night before. Erwin
closed the door behind them.

“That was kind of him, giving us a moment to say goodbye.”

Levi’s stomach dropped. “Yeah. I just wish we knew what you were going up against.”

“We’ll know soon. Let’s pretend it’s a standard battle, and this is a standard goodbye.”

Their gaze held.

Erwin slowly reached out and smoothed the hair off Levi’s forehead. His eyes were glassy. “Will
you be okay on your own in Trost?”

“Will I be okay? Fuck, Erwin.” Levi slumped forward to burrow into Erwin’s chest. The
Commander’s pendant was cold against Levi's cheek. He reached up to stroke it with his thumb.
He felt a hand combing the back of his hair, and wished that the moment wouldn’t end.

But he could hear the horses in the yard outside, and there was a broken wall to address, and titan
shifters on Mike’s squad. He pulled away and straightened the bolo tie, adjusting the strings so
they were even.

Erwin’s hands closed over either side of his jaw. His kiss was firm, warm, and open, and Levi
inhaled the taste of his breath.

Then they pulled apart. The blue eyes glazed over, the jaw hardening; even the lines of Erwin’s
nose and cheeks seemed more severe than a moment earlier, more commanding. Levi felt his face
shifting, too, as they became Commander and Captain once again.

They opened the door and stepped into the hallway, side-by-side.

The sky was just beginning to lighten with the impending dawn. Dew clung to the moss between
the cobblestones. Levi shivered. He gingerly climbed into the wagon across from Minister Nick,
who was wrapped in a thin blanket. Jean stood beside the wagon, looking around as if unsure what
to do.

“Jean,” Levi said, “go tell the MP to give you a horse, under my authority.”

“Captain.” Jean hurried away.

Within a few minutes, he heard Erwin’s voice from the front, strong and clear, calling for them to
fall into travelling formation.

Levi snuggled deeper into the jacket, breathing the faint scent of him.

The troops arrived at Trost just as the sky was shifting from orange to blue. They bypassed the
base and headed straight for the wall instead. Levi squinted; he could see two figures standing atop
it. The bulk of the Garrison soldiers were at the base of the wall, stacking crates into wagons and
setting up lifts.

The formation halted. At its head, Levi saw a single figure jet up the wall, golden hair glinting in
the morning sun. Erwin.

There were no signs of any titans. Good. Wall Rose was not yet overrun, at least. That meant
Erwin would be dragging the MP to the hole itself, wherever that was. Maybe even beyond it, if
the titans were still in the process of breaking through.

Around him, the troops began to dismount and eat rations or drink water. Levi reached for a water
canister himself, but stopped when someone yelled his name. He turned.

One of the MP—a low-ranking member who had no business addressing him without his title—
yelled, “Hey, Captain! We’re all ready for battle. Where’s our prey?”

Levi turned to eye him. “Were you hoping for titans in Trost? Sorry to disappoint you. You’d have
plenty of chances to see them outside the walls; how about you join us and help us fight them?”

Another soldier cleared his throat. “Well, you know, it’s busy inside the wall, too.”

Levi snorted. Cowards. These were going to be the soldiers having Erwin’s back?

A Survey Corps soldier ran in before the conversation could continue. “The advance party is back!
Someone tell Commander Pixis!”

“Shit,” Levi muttered, because the sweaty strain on the soldier’s face didn’t bode well. He reached
into a sack beside him and pulled out his signal flare gun, loading a white round.

A column of white smoke rose into the air, and almost immediately, Erwin descended from the
wall. He landed on the ground in front of the wagon with grace that seemed out of place for such a
large man. Pixis and Anka followed closely behind.

The messenger soldier sank to his knees, gasping for air. The others gathered around him. Levi cast
a glance at Minister Nick and, gauging he wasn’t going anywhere, eased onto the ground to join
the circle.

As the soldier fought to catch his breath, he told them there was no discernable hole in the wall;
the search parties starting from Krolva and Trost had met in the middle without spotting a breach.
Worse yet, when they met up with Hange and a group of the 104th from Mike’s squad, they had
made a terrible discovery.

“Three of the soldiers were titans!” The messenger was shaking now.

“Including Eren Yeager?” Erwin asked.

“No.”

Three others? Levi glanced at his Commander, but the stony face gave him nothing.

Jean’s face, however, showed plenty as he stepped forward. “What are you saying? There were
still three titans on that team? Who?”

Erwin held out a hand. “Jean, wait.” He turned back to the soldier. “Once they were discovered,
what happened?”

“The Survey Corps engaged the Colossal and Armoured Titans,” said the soldier. “By the time we
joined the battle, it was over.”

Now Levi stepped forward, chest tight. “What do you mean, ‘over?’”

“They defeated Eren Yeager and kidnapped him and another of the 104th, the other titan. They fled
outside the wall.” The soldier bowed his head. “Most of the team was incapacitated, and there were
no lifts. We couldn’t pursue them.”

Levi’s jaw tightened. Those bastards have Eren. If they escape with him, it’s all over. His gaze
shifted to Erwin.
Erwin’s face was still neutral. “How soon can we get the lifts operational?” he asked Pixis.

“Ten, fifteen minutes.” Pixis uncapped a flask and took a swig.

“Then we’ll prepare ourselves to set out.” Erwin stood tall. “Good soldiers of the Survey Corps and
the MP, we have a new objective: to chase down and retrieve Eren Yeager at all costs. Without
him, the Walls have no future.”

“What?” Steinhardt strode toward him. “We were only supposed to come and help clear titans from
Wall Rose, not go outside it.”

“No, you were supposed to help us clear threats. If the Colossal and Armoured Titans escape with
Eren, we will be powerless to stop further attacks. He is humanity’s last hope.”

Steinhardt looked at Pixis helplessly. “Commander—”

“The way I understand it,” Pixis said, words slurring, “Your Commander gave Erwin full authority
over your squad. And maybe there’s no hole this time, but if they’re allowed to retreat and regroup,
they will attack again, maybe even in bigger numbers. When that happens, the combined strength
of all our forces won’t be able to protect the people within these walls, especially if Eren isn’t there
to help us.”

Steinhardt stared at him for a moment longer, then looked away. “Shit.”

“Prepare for departure,” Erwin said. “Equip yourself with signal flares and extra blades. Bring only
the small, quick carts. We climb the wall in fifteen minutes and head west to rendezvous with the
survivors.”

As the others began to scatter, Erwin knelt in front of the messenger soldier and held out a water
flask. Levi moved closer so he could listen in.

“How many survivors?” Erwin asked.

The soldier took a long swig of water. When he was finished, he wiped his mouth and spoke, his
voice steadier than before. “Squad Leader Hange is alive, but badly injured. I’d say at least a dozen
senior Survey Corps are alive but injured, too. Most of the 104th who were present are alive. They
holed up for the night in an area called Castle Utgard with Mike’s Squad, but … ”

Levi’s stomach twisted. “But?”

“Squad Leader Mike and all his senior soldiers were killed by titans.”

“What?” Levi whispered.

Erwin’s facial muscles were visibly tight. “Thank you, soldier. Go get some rest.” He clapped the
man on the soldier, then stood. Instead of turning to Levi, he paced several steps away, raking a
hand into his hair.

Levi stood, too, and limped to Erwin’s side. “You okay?”

Erwin’s voice cracked: “I just need a minute.”

There was so much chaos around them that Levi decided it was okay to risk a quick, supportive
grip to the man’s bicep. To his surprise, Erwin covered his hand and squeezed. For a moment, they
stood there together, the strength of the grip the only sign of their grief.
Then Erwin released Levi’s hand and turned to face him, his face steady again. “This is a far more
dangerous mission than we anticipated, Levi. If I don’t—”

“Stop. We’ve said it all before. I know what to do. Hange’s next in line, your will is in order, and
all your belongings go to me. I’ll protect Eren to the death.” Not that he could do that now,
anyway. “Go. The longer you wait, the harder it’ll be to find them.”

Erwin nodded, and Levi nodded back, and that was the only goodbye they could afford in public.

He watched as Erwin sat atop his horse on the lift, back straight, head high. He watched as the
Garrison helped them pack up the lifts behind them, ready to transport them to the rendezvous
point.

He watched as they rode off atop the wall, as that golden hair turned into a spec and disappeared,
Levi’s sun setting behind the horizon.

Anka helped Levi settle Minister Nick into the Trost Garrison base with guards.

“You might want to consider putting him under police protective custody instead,” she said. “The
Garrison and the Survey Corps aren’t really equipped to protect him from other members of his
sect, especially with everything else going on right now.”

It sounded like a good idea, so Levi sent a message to Nile requesting full-time protection.

He stopped for a long lunch on his way back to the Survey Corps base, and stared absently at his
plate.

Mike, with his dumb hair in his face, and his smug smirk, and his stupid habit of sniffing
everything. He had been the strongest in the Corps after Levi, and his nose had saved them
countless times. He was also the first soldier who had really made an effort to become buddies
with Levi, maybe because they had recognized each other’s strength early on. Levi had trusted
Mike even before he had fully dropped his suspicions of Erwin.

Now he was just another body.

Levi drew in a shuddering breath. He had no appetite, but he forced himself to eat some bread and
some hard-boiled eggs.

Not just Mike. Nanaba, with her quiet-yet-pleasant disposition, gone.

Hange was injured—he didn’t know how badly, but if it must be bad. Otherwise, Hange would be
gleefully barrelling after those four shifters.

And now Erwin was riding into the field with a bunch of inexperienced soldiers, facing down at
least two shifters. And Levi was here, limping and alone.

Thankfully, he wasn’t alone for long. When he returned to the base, some of the injured Survey
Corps soldiers had returned and were stabling their horses. He walked up to Moblit, who had his
arm in a sling and was awkwardly trying to brush his horse.

“Hey Scribbles,” Levi said. “Glad you made it. Get one of the others to help you with that. You
should be resting.”
“Captain.” Moblit gave him a tired smile.

“Where’s your boss?”

“In the san.”

Hange was lying on a bed, face covered with superficial burns. Levi pulled out a chair beside the
bed and sat.

“You dead yet, shitgoggles?”

Hange began to chuckle, then winced. “Don’t make me smile; it hurts.”

“What happened to you?”

“The Colossal titan gives off a lot of heat.” The dark eyes opened. “Can’t see a damned thing
without my glasses.”

“Want me to get them?”

“No, my face is too sore. You look better as a formless blob, anyway.” Hange gave a wheeze that
was probably supposed to be a laugh.

“Did you run into Erwin?” Levi asked, shifting forward until his elbows rested on his knees.

“Yeah, hard to miss each other on top of the Wall. Impressed you guys managed to drag the MP
away from their cushy stations. Gave Erwin some ideas about where to pursue Bertolt and Reiner.”

“The messenger said there were three shifters.”

“Yeah. They took the other one with them. A girl named Ymir—the one who’s friends with Krista
Lenz.” Hange turned to give him a pointed look.

“Huh.”

“Everything suddenly got a lot more complicated, didn’t it? No idea what it’s all about. We’ll
figure it out if Erwin retrieves her and Eren.”

“When,” Levi corrected.

“Depends how quickly they can track them down. The shifters will be too exhausted to transform
right away, so he has a good shot if he gets to them quickly.” Hange’s eyes slipped closed.

Levi rose to his feet. “You should rest.”

“Yeah, not much else to do until I heal a bit.” A pause. “Mike’s dead.”

Levi swallowed hard and looked away. “I know.”

“And Nanaba, Lynne … his whole team.”

“Yeah, I know.” He reached out, intending to squeeze Hange’s shoulder, then hesitated, realizing it
was probably burnt and sore. “You made it back alive,” he said instead, “so don’t waste it. Rest so
you can get back on the field as soon as possible.”

The brown eyes fixed on him. “Same thing to you.”

There was no point in worrying about Erwin, so Levi distracted himself by gathering status updates
from the injured soldiers, then compiling them into a report. He left the report on Erwin’s desk. It
would save him some time when he returned.

Once that was done, Levi rode to the Garrison base to find Anka so they could discuss the
evacuation of Wall Rose. While the evacuation itself was nearly complete, the Garrison and MP
were already starting to encounter civil unrest.

“Once Commander Erwin returns, we’ll likely enlist the help of the Survey Corps to maintain
peace within Wall Sina,” she said. “Supplies are limited, and the Sina elite are concerned about the
Rose refugees starting riots once supplies start to run low. If tensions rise too high, it could escalate
into civil war.”

“We’ll kill ourselves before the titans get a chance to, at this rate,” Levi muttered, annoyed that the
people Erwin kept putting himself on the line to save weren’t interested in saving themselves.

Late that afternoon, he returned to the san. He found Hange sitting up, frantically writing notes in a
book.

“Looks like you’re feeling better,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I’m just a little scalded. Some of the others were injured far worse.” Hange looked up at him with
what he had come to recognize as a mid-brainstorm squint. “I got to see the Colossal and Armoured
Titans in detail.”

“Tell me everything.”

Hange’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

“It’s important for me to know what we’re up against.” That, and he needed a distraction.

And so, in true Hange fashion, he heard every single detail about how Reiner and Bertolt had tried
to convince Eren to leave with them, how Mikasa had attacked them and failed to kill them. Eren
had fought well against Reiner, but Bertolt had surprised them all and turned the tides.

“Two against one,” Levi said. “Poor kid didn’t stand a chance.”

“The 104th that had been with Mike’s squad was unarmed, too, so he barely had any support from
the soldiers. It was a mess.” Hange looked down at the notebook. “At that point, I lost
consciousness, because Bertolt released a suffocating blast of steam and heat. He’s slow and
immobile, but his exothermic nature makes him nearly invincible—we can’t get close enough to
land a blow on him. We need to develop some sort of projectile weapon if we want a chance to
take him down. I’ll have to adjust our trap cannons into something more portable, somehow.”

Levi grimaced and turned to look out the window. Nearly invincible. Erwin …

“Hey.” He felt a hand close over his. When he turned, Hange’s face was gentle. “If Erwin caught
up to them before they had recovered, they wouldn’t be able to transform. They’d be easy to take
down as humans.”

“Don’t look at me like that,” he muttered, embarrassed by pity, but he didn’t pull his hand away.
“About Mike … ”
“Yeah?”

He couldn’t say it, but Hange seemed to understand what he was asking.

“I don’t know. He fell before I got to his group. It seems his squad tried to defend the unarmed
104th in the abandoned ruins of Castle Utgard. Mike took on a group of nine titans to give them
time to escape. One of them was an abnormal—a giant, hairy, beast-like titan that attacked the
others at the castle later.”

“Eight and an abnormal? Alone?” Levi’s mouth twisted. “What the fuck was he thinking?”

“I doubt he expected to survive it,” Hange said, voice low. “He probably aimed to buy them time,
nothing more. The situation must have been dire for him to put himself on the line like that.”

Levi tried to control his breath, but it shuddered. “Fuck.” He tightened his grip around Hange’s
hand.

“It’s getting late,” Hange said gently. “Why don’t we go get some dinner?”

“Squad Leader,” Moblit scolded from the next bed over; a medic was changing the bandages on
his arm. “You shouldn’t be getting up.”

“Oh, I’m fine. Want to come eat?”

“Thank you, Squad Leader, but I think I should rest.”

“Okay. If you need anything, we’ll be in the mess hall.” Hange released Levi’s hand and stood, a
bit unsteady, then began to walk toward the exit. Levi followed, still limping.

The two of them remained in the hall long after the meal ended, reminiscing about good times with
Mike, Nanaba, and the other soldiers who had died. Levi ordered a bottle of Mike’s favourite ale—
a pale brew that left a bitter coating on his tongue—but switched to something darker afterwards.
Hange, still on morphine, drank only tea.

Shortly after lights out, they heard a commotion coming from the hallway. Levi stood up so
quickly that he knocked over an empty bottle; he caught it before it rolled off the table.

In the distance, he heard a frantic voice: “Where’s Captain Levi?”

Ignoring the pain in his leg, he leapt to his feet, ran to the door and threw it open. “I’m here. What
is it?”

Pehr stood in the hallway, caked with sweat, grime, and blood. “It’s the Commander, sir. He’s
gravely injured.”

The floor began to tilt. Levi caught himself with one hand against the wall. Pehr said something
about an arm, and the hospital, and then Hange was standing beside him asking questions, but he
couldn’t hear them or the responses.

Pehr strode down the hallway, Hange following. Levi’s feet felt as if they were sinking in heavy
mud as he tried to follow. Blood rushed in his ears. He’s gravely injured … gravely …

They passed Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Jean; Eren said something to him, but Levi only stared as he
moved past, still stumbling through mud.

A carriage waited for them in the courtyard. He sat next to Hange. Pehr was still talking, and
Hange, at least, seemed to be able to comprehend it all. Levi’s hands knotted between his knees as
he stared at the carriage floor.

Erwin was in surgery when they arrived at the hospital. The nurse brought them to a window
overlooking the operating room.

Levi stepped up to the window, shaking. Erwin lay on a bed, his eyes half-open, only whites
showing. His skin was grey, and his chest was moving with the shallow breaths of a dying man. A
doctor stood in front of his right arm. He stepped away for a moment to reach for a tool, and Levi
saw the red meat of muscle, the white of bone.

Fuck! He slumped against the wall and vomited, his ears ringing. He squeezed his eyes shut, but
still saw white against red against grey, heard rasping breaths … A hand reached for him—Hange
—but he knocked it away and staggered to the door.

He didn’t stop until he was outside the hospital. He slumped against a tree, slid to a seat. He
scrubbed the backs of his hands, over and over, unthinking, unfeeling.

That was how Hange found him some time later. He didn’t look up.

“Have you been here the entire hour?” Hange sat down next to him. “It’s cold out here.”

Levi pulled Erwin’s jacket tighter around his shoulders.

“They were able to properly amputate his arm,” Hange said quietly, “but he’s lost a lot of blood,
and the wound was open for so long that they’re worried about infection.”

“Shut up,” Levi said, voice high-pitched. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“He’s in a private room now, if you want to … say a few words to him.”

“I said, shut up!” Levi stood, his head spinning. He began to limp toward the street.

“Levi, where are you going?”

“I have to file his reports.”

“That can wait.”

But it couldn’t wait. They needed to send the casualty list, and Zackly needed to know what had
happened on the field. They had discussed this many times before. Levi had to fulfill Erwin’s
duties while he was incapacitated.

He had only gone about a block when a carriage pulled up beside him and stopped. The door
opened, and Hange held out a hand to help him in. Levi stared at the hand for a moment, his eyes
prickling with tears.

“I’ll help you,” Hange said. “There’s a lot to do.”

Levi accepted the hand and climbed into the carriage.

He didn’t sleep at all that night. When he closed his eyes he saw grey, red, and white.

The returning soldiers all seemed too upset to sleep, anyway, so he and Hange spent the night
collecting statements. Moblit and Nifa joined them on the couches in Erwin’s office, helping
record the different accounts of what had happened.

The room smelled like his cologne.

When Levi interviewed Jean, the boy was giving him concerned looks that irritated him.
Surprisingly, he got the same thing from Mikasa, especially as she told him about the moment
Erwin had lost his arm.

“He was beside me one moment,” she said, “commanding us to charge. Then his horse had no
rider. I looked back, and—” She paused, watching him with that infuriating concerned look.

“What?” he demanded.

Hange jumped in: “And then what happened?”

“The Commander was hanging from the mouth of a titan, its teeth around his upper arm. But all he
did was point his sword at Eren and command us to advance. He told us Eren was right there … ”

Levi was surprised to feel a swell of rage. You selfless bastard! What the hell were you doing?
Where the hell is your concern for your own life? “ So you obeyed.”

She seemed taken aback. He had let too much anger show in his voice. “Yes, of course, sir. A few
people stayed behind to take down the titan.”

“No one saw the titan coming for him?”

“No. The battlefield was in chaos.”

I should have been there. I would have seen it coming. I could have— Levi scratched the back of
his hand. It was beginning to bleed.

Hange eyed him, then said, “Then what happened?”

Mikasa continued her account of the battlefield, and Levi retreated into his thoughts, letting Hange
take charge. Hanging from the mouth of a titan … He felt the urge to vomit again, but swallowed it
back.

He snapped back to himself when Mikasa talked about the moment they had freed Eren.

“—and then Commander Erwin appeared, flying his 3DMG one-handed. He slashed the belt across
Bertolt’s chest and cut Eren free.”

Maybe Levi should have felt proud, but it only made him even angrier. You shouldn’t have had to
do that. You shouldn’t have had to do any of this! What the fuck were you thinking? Tears pricked
the corners of his eyes, and he swiped at them, furious.

They finished the last of the interviews in time for breakfast. During the meal, he somehow found
his voice.

“Attention, all soldiers,” he announced. “The Survey Corps will report to Commander Pixis this
afternoon to help with the peacekeeping efforts in the Centre. Get a few hours of sleep before you
start. It might be a long night.”

But he was unable to take his own advice, and he rode ahead to meet Commander Pixis so they
could begin discussing the strategy for preventing unrest before the other soldiers arrived.
At about eight o’clock that evening, he heard his name. His head snapped up; he had fallen asleep
at the table. Commander Pixis, Hange, and Anka were all watching him with more of that
annoying concern.

“What?” he snapped.

“You should get some rest, Captain,” Anka said.

“I’m fine. Keep going.”

“Levi,” Hange said quietly.

“Fine.” He stood. “But the civilians aren’t going to sit around and wait for us to nap.”

“We have the night shift keeping an eye on things,” Pixis said calmly. “Go get some rest.”

Levi was so tired that the brickwork of the walls seemed to trail after him as he walked down the
hallway. He opted to walk back to the base, relishing the crisp night air against his skin. The biting
coolness was the only thing he had felt all day.

The road brought him past the hospital. He slowed and turned toward it. Grey, shallow breaths, the
same as my aunt—no, my mother. They’ll get louder, then start rattling, and then there won’t be
any more, and you’ll miss the rattling, but it won’t start again, it won’t start—

A nurse was sweeping the front driveway. She gave him a kind smile. “Do you need assistance,
sir?”

“Friend of mine’s in there,” he managed, his tongue too dry to form a full sentence.

“Ah. I’m afraid visiting hours are over for the night. You should try again tomorrow.”

“Commander Erwin.”

“Oh.” She stopped sweeping, her hands knotting around the broom handle. “You’re Captain Levi,
aren’t you?”

“Is he … ” He didn’t know what he wanted to ask.

“He’s still in a coma.” Now even this woman, a nurse who had never met him in her life, was
giving him that same concerned look as everyone else. “We make visiting exceptions all the time
for high-ranking officers, if you’d like to go see him.”

He drew a deep breath; it shook as he exhaled. “I’ll be back soon.”

The entire walk back to the base, he warred with himself. If he began mourning now, he wouldn’t
be able to stop. But the thought of Erwin dying alone was even harder to bear. He had been asleep
when his mother had passed. No one should have to die while their loved one slept peacefully
without them.

Hange was waiting for him in Erwin’s office, holding two mugs of tea. Wordlessly, he accepted
one. Hange perched on the arm of the couch across from him.

“Go see him,” Hange said softly. “I’ll take care of the duties around here.”

Levi stared at the tea leaves at the bottom of his mug. The tea was too weak; it should be so thick
that he could barely see the bottom. The leaves began to blur, and he cursed his weakness. There
was no time to cry.

“Levi, it’s real whether you see him or not. And if he dies, you’re going to regret not saying
goodbye.”

His hand began to tremble; tea splashed perilously close to the brim of the mug. He took a long sip.
When he had drained the mug, he set it on the table. “We know Bertolt and Reiner are after Eren,
so we have to isolate Eren. The soldiers who witnessed the battle said he was able to somehow
control other titans on the battlefield when he was put into a state of absolute desperation. We need
to make sure he has access to that desperation in case he needs to defend himself. If we surround
him with his friends from the 104th, he’ll feel their safety is at stake. They’ll make up my new
squad.”

“I know a safe house we can take him to,” Hange said. “My team can protect them. You stay in
Trost, for now, and help Pixis coordinate the rest of the Survey Corps to help maintain civil order.”

Levi nodded, lost in thought. “What do I say to him?”

“Pixis?”

“Erwin.”

“Tell him you love him.” Hange held his gaze. “Tell him to fight. We need him. We need both of
you, together.”

He brought a small bag with him to the hospital and identified himself at reception. The nurse led
him to Erwin’s room.

Levi hovered in the doorway. Erwin lay motionless in the bed, the blanket pulled up to his chin.
Though he was still too pale, his skin was warmer than before. His hair hung in his face, and his
lips were dry and cracked.

“He still hasn’t woken up,” the nurse said, “but he’s doing very well otherwise. We’re keeping him
hydrated the best we can, and keeping his wound clean. We’re hopeful he’ll wake up within the
next few days.”

Levi swallowed hard and stepped into the room. The nurse closed the door to give him some
privacy.

He still smelled like Erwin, even unconscious. Levi swallowed hard. His mother had smelled like
death long before she had drawn her final breaths.

There were other signs of life, too. The smattering of blond stubble across his jaw. The even rise
and fall of his chest.

Levi slowly pulled up a chair and eased to a seat. His heart pounded in his throat. “You look like
shit.”

He hoped his voice would spark some miraculous recovery, but the eyelids stayed closed and
unmoving. At least they weren’t half-open anymore.

This is stupid. He can’t even hear me. Levi stared at the blanket covering the injured arm—or what
should have been his arm. He could see a lump where the shoulder was, and then nothing, the
blanket flush against the mattress. His pulse drummed in his ears as he reached for the blanket and
threw the corner back.

What had once been his arm was now a bandaged stump, maybe ten or fifteen centimetres long.
Levi felt bile rise in his throat again. He had seen other soldiers lose limbs before, but never like
this, never a limb that had held him, stroked him, teased him.

“Shit, Erwin,” he whispered. “What the hell did you do to yourself?”

He gently pulled the blanket back into place.

“I brought you a couple shirts.” He pulled them out of the bag. “One of them is your undershirt—
better than that tacky hospital gown they’ve got you in. The other is one of mine.” It was a grey
collared shirt, one he had worn recently. He folded it and set it on the table. “It’s too small for you,
but it smells like me. I thought I might—” His voice cracked. “If you were awake, I’d drape it
around your shoulders or something, but you’re not. You’re still in a fucking coma. Shit.”

The numbness and anger were beginning to flake away. He closed his eyes, but a tear spilled out
anyway. “I should have been there.” He slowly leaned forward until his forehead pressed against
the bed. “I should have … ” He was too far gone now to hold back. Tears began to pour from his
eyes and nose, his body shaking.

If Erwin had been awake, he would have placed a gentle hand on Levi’s head, stroking his
undercut to soothe him. But he wasn’t awake, and that gentle hand was gone.

The nurses were kind enough to let Levi sleep in the chair next to Erwin’s bed. He awoke at dawn
and was embarrassed to discover that his face was caked with salt and dried mucous. He must have
been blubbering in his sleep.

He scrubbed his face in the basin. Before he left, he smoothed the hair off Erwin’s forehead and
pressed a kiss to his cheek. Again, he hoped for a miraculous recovery, a timely flutter of eyelashes
or a faint groan, but there was nothing.

He left the nurses with instructions to find him immediately if Erwin’s condition changed.

When he arrived at Pixis’ office, the Commander took one look at him, then held out a bottle of
whiskey.

“Sir,” Anka said sternly, “it’s eight in the morning.”

Levi would have liked a glass or two, but the last thing he needed to do was drunkenly blubber in
front of the Garrison officers. Instead, he sat at the desk, ready to help coordinate the day’s
operations.

As expected, the populace was cluing in that there weren’t enough resources to support them all
within Wall Sina, and petty crimes were increasing. “There are mutterings, and we aren’t having
much luck quashing them,” Pixis said. “We don’t have long before they start banding together to
rebel against the nobles.”

“We have to let them go back to their homes,” Levi said.

“Not yet. We have to be absolutely certain there’s no hole in Wall Rose. Bertolt and Reiner
escaped—there’s always the chance they’ve tried to break the Wall down while we’re busy licking
our wounds.”

They worked together throughout the day to deploy troops to troublesome areas, then discussed
scouting routes to ensure the Wall was intact.

That night, Levi returned to Erwin’s side. There was no improvement, but no worsening, either. He
spent a little time updating Erwin on what had happened during the day, but mostly he just sat,
watching him. Now that a flush had returned to his cheeks, it was easy to pretend he was just
sleeping.

Levi slept in the bedside chair again that night, and the night after it, until a week had passed and a
nurse rushed into a meeting Levi was having with Pixis.

Erwin was finally showing signs of waking.

For a long time, no dreams reached Erwin, no words. He was vaguely aware time was passing; he
could hear it pounding like a drum. Slowly, slowly, the drum grew louder, clearer, taking on two
distinct, alternating thumps. His heartbeat. Other sounds joined it: the whistling sound of air. The
burble of stomach acids. Eventually, he became conscious enough to recognize a thought: I’m
alive.

The drumbeat of his heart continued, the sequence of breaths, and other thoughts began to surface.
The thoughts were fragmented, so he assembled them, one shard at a time. I am Erwin Smith. My
father is dead. I love Levi. I am the Commander of the Survey Corps. We saved Eren Yeager. Then
he saved us.

He heard himself groan, felt himself move, the movement as disconnected from his body as that
first thought had been.

“He doesn’t look awake.” That voice: Levi. The drumbeat increased. He turned his head toward the
voice, just a fraction of a centimetre, and heard, more clearly now, “Oh, shit.”

“Keep talking to him.” Hange’s voice. “I’ll go get Pixis and Connie.”

Pixis? Through the fog in his mind, Erwin was able to grasp this wasn’t usual. Something big must
be happening. His eyes and mouth felt as if they were full of sand. He struggled to open both.

Blinding light hit his pupils. It took a moment to settle into blurs, but the blur next to him was
familiar: dark hair, round face, long neck.

“Le—” The second syllable caught in his throat, and he couldn’t free it.

“About time you woke up.” Levi’s voice was clear now, but it wobbled.

Erwin reached for him, and wondered why Levi wasn’t taking his hand. He realized three other
people were in the room with them, dressed in the white. “Water,” he rasped.

“Here, let’s sit him up,” a woman said with a tone of authority. “Don’t let him drink too much right
away. We have to rehydrate him slowly.”

Erwin was too weak to hold his own weight; several hands hoisted him upright and placed a pillow
behind his back. His vision was gradually clearing, as was his mind. Now he saw Levi watching
him with pinched brows. Why does he look so worried? Am I injured that badly?
A nurse handed him a glass and a straw, instructing him to take small sips. He tasted it. It was salty
and sour at the same time, and his lip curled involuntarily, but he was still tempted to pour the
whole glass down his raw throat.

“How’s your pain?” the nurse asked.

He paused to consider each part of his body; they still seemed to be floating around him, just out of
reach.

As he looked down, he saw the bandaged stump that had once been his right arm.

Oh.

All at once, he was grounded in the hot breath of the titan, the blinding pain of his own steel as he
had cut himself free, the nausea and fog that had swallowed him whole during the ride home.

His arm throbbed now, but he wasn’t sure how much of that was memory and how much was
reality. He split the difference. “Arm’s a bit sore.”

“I think you’re about due for a morphine dose.”

He thought about resisting, but this wasn’t a cracked rib. He could still feel his elbow crushing
between the enormous titan teeth, still feel searing heat on his hand and forearm.

“Pulse is rising,” said the nurse to his left, who had two fingers in his neck.

The doctor immediately called out a dose of morphine that sounded too high, but as the drug
flooded his veins, he found he was still relatively clear-headed. The pain was still present, but it
didn’t bother him as much.

After a few more minutes of prodding, they left the room. Erwin took another sip of the drink and
watched Levi. Levi was wearing a black suit jacket. Was it the one Erwin had given him? The fit
seemed a bit too proper. If he was dressed up, he must have been in important meetings.

There was a long silence, then Levi stood and retrieved a shirt from the bedside table. He gently
pulled Erwin forward far enough so he could drape the shirt around his shoulders. The fabric
smelled like lemon shampoo, and Erwin suddenly found his mouth dry, but not from dehydration
this time. Their gaze held, and Levi’s lips parted, as if he were about to say something.

The door opened, and Pixis stepped into the room, followed closely by Anka. “Erwin. It’s good to
see you awake. We weren’t sure if you’d pull through.” He took a seat on the couch beside the
bed; Anka leaned against the wall.

“How long was I out?” Erwin asked, hating how feeble his voice sounded.

“A week, and an eventful one, at that.”

He did his best to sit tall. “Tell me everything.”

“Can you focus? We’re about to throw a lot at you.”

Erwin considered. His mind was still sluggish, but if their situation was as dire as it seemed, he
couldn’t afford to allow himself recovery time. He would keep up as best he could. “Please.”

And so Pixis spoke of the evacuation of Wall Rose, and the subsequent tensions that had arisen
when food supplies had begun to run low. Fearing a revolt, they had decided to call Wall Rose
intact and send its citizens back to their homes.

“Everyone got an unsettling first-hand reminder,” Pixis said. “If Wall Rose really falls, they’ll have
one week of respite before people begin killing each other.”

“I’m sorry, Erwin,” Levi said. “I know you’ve only just recovered enough to talk to us, but I
understand if you’d rather go back to sleep than hear what we have to say.” He was posed casually,
slouched in the chair, but the uncharacteristic politeness of the words showed how tense he was
beneath it. If only they had had a few moments alone before Pixis had arrived; there was a lot to
say that had to be said alone.

Erwin held his gaze. “No, I’m tired of sleeping. Please continue.”

Levi opened his mouth as if to speak, but then his gaze drifted. “It’s too bad about your arm.”

Just a few minutes alone … Erwin looked at his arm, too, and gave him a gentle smile, trying to
put him at ease. “How many hundreds of soldiers do you think I’ve sent out to be eaten by titans?
One arm isn’t nearly enough to make up for that. I hope I’ll be able to pay back the rest when I end
up in hell one day.”

Pixis chuckled. “Sounds good—mind if I come visit when we both make it down there?”

“What’s the matter, old man?” Levi said. “Giving up? Maybe you need another drink.”

“Aye, it’s the perfect time for a drink. Sadly, this one’s taken it all away from me. She says she
won’t change my diapers like a good mother should.”

From her position against the wall, Anka smirked, completely unruffled by Pixis’ nonsense.

Erwin chuckled; it came out as a wheeze. “She’s too good to you. You have an excellent aide by
your side.”

A knock sounded at the door.

“It’s Hange,” Levi said. “Come in.”

“Good to see you awake, sir.” Hange was accompanied by one of the new recruits, a small boy
with a shaved head. They saluted, and the boy introduced himself as Connie Springer.

Together, the two of them relayed information from Ragako village, Connie’s hometown. The
townspeople had disappeared during the breach; the town had only been occupied by titans when
Connie had arrived. The curious thing was the titan at his parents’ house: it had spoken to him,
welcoming him home, and its face looked suspiciously like his mother.

Erwin’s pulse rose. For a moment, the room was silent, and he wondered if they were all thinking
what he was thinking. But it was impossible … wasn’t it?

“So you’re saying the titans are actually humans?” he asked aloud.

“We don’t have any solid proof that all titans are this way,” Hange said, “but if they are, I have a
hunch about what’s really in their weak spot.”

As Hange explained the theory—the human brain and spinal column being approximately the
same size as the weak spot—Erwin’s mind began to drift.

He had seen Annie Leonhart, a human in titan form, control other titans with her scream. He had
seen Eren Yeager do the same on the battlefield.

If all titans were former humans, that meant definitive proof that humans could control other
humans using a form of mind control.

He saw his father sitting across from him, animated gestures, explaining his seemingly impossible
theories that memories could be altered, human minds could be controlled—

“The hell are you smiling about?”

Erwin blinked and turned. Levi’s eyes were wide, his lip curled in a sneer.

Right. If titans were humans, we’ve killed them, even tortured them for experiments. Maybe his
head was still foggier than he thought. He pulled back his smile. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re creeping me out,” Levi muttered.

Erwin remembered his schoolmates reacting the same way to his ramblings about his father’s
theories. “Fair enough. I’ve been told the same thing since I was just a child.”

Levi, always perceptive, said, “Is that the real reason you joined the Survey Corps?”

Their gaze held. This was getting dangerously close to revealing his father’s theories, and Erwin
couldn’t burden Levi with that knowledge. He tried to lighten the mood: “Go easy on me, Levi. My
arm was eaten. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Don’t you have any pity for me?”

“Heh.” Levi smirked, looking down. “Well, you are pitiful.”

Erwin chuckled to himself, but then realized the others were looking confused. Focus. You can
visit with Levi when this discussion ends.

Returning to business, he inquired about Krista Lenz and Eren, and learned they were being kept in
isolation with Levi’s new squad, a team made up of the 104th recruits.

“Your arm was eaten,” Levi said. “You’re physically and emotionally exhausted. I pitied you, so I
went ahead and made some decisions. That includes the new members of my squad. What Eren
needs is to be pushed into total desperation.”

That was a fair assessment. Desperation seemed to be when Eren performed best; they had seen
that both in Stohess, and in the fight against the Colossal and Armoured titans.

For now, they decided, Levi’s squad would lay low with some of Hange’s best squad members,
working with Eren to try to teach him how to harden the way Annie Leonhart had. Perhaps they
might be able to determine the specifics of his ability to control other titans, as well—that skill
would be invaluable.

The Garrison would continue to monitor the wall; they would inform the Survey Corps if they
were required to help maintain order or deal with a breach.

“Unfortunately,” Pixis said, “you’ll have to face the Council once you are well enough, Erwin.
They’re going to want your full account of the operation so they can be assured all those Survey
Corps, Garrison, and Military Police soldiers didn’t die in vain.”

Erwin frowned. Recently, it felt like he spent more time defending the Survey Corps than actually
leading it. He missed the days when they were largely left to their own devices, or when Sahlo
could help them pull strings to avoid much scrutiny. “I see.”

“We should let you rest. This is a lot for you to take in so soon after waking from a coma.” Pixis
stood. “The Garrison can handle everything from here. You focus on getting well and sorting out
everything with the Council.”

“Connie,” Hange said, “you go ahead to the base and help Moblit load the supplies. I need to speak
with Erwin and Levi privately.”

Connie nodded and saluted, then followed Pixis and Anka outside the door.

Hange sat on the couch. “How are you feeling?”

“Disoriented.” Erwin’s gaze shifted to Levi. Levi was hunched forward elbows on his knees,
watching him.

Hange’s voice lowered. “I thought you two might like a bit of time to yourselves. I can stand guard
outside the door, make sure no one comes in unannounced.”

“Yes,” Erwin said. “That would be helpful. Thank you.”

“Just send Levi to the door when you’re done talking.” Hange stood and gave a small smile. “I’m
glad you pulled through. You’re tough as hell, Commander.”

Erwin smiled back.

The door closed, and then they were alone.

“It sounds like you did well while I was unconscious,” Erwin said quietly. “Thank you, Levi.”

Levi shrugged. “Had to keep myself busy.” He looked down. “You’re okay, right?”

“I’m sorry if I seem detached. I’m still a bit groggy.” Erwin shifted, trying to get more
comfortable. After being in bed for so long, he felt a dull ache in his joints even through the
morphine. “Hopefully I recover quickly so I can speak with the Council as soon as possible. We
need to see if they’re truly on our side.”

“On our side?”

“There has been mounting evidence that the Council and royalty only care about preserving
themselves, not humanity. I’ve long held theories that they would go to great lengths to manipulate
humanity for their own sakes, and some of what has come to pass in the past week illustrates just
how corrupt they truly are.” He leaned forward, staring intently at Levi. “We now know humanity
would destroy itself within a week, maybe two if Wall Rose fell. We know the Armoured and
Colossal Titans are out there, ready to attack again at any moment. We need to be sure the
government has humanity’s best interests at heart when times are dire.”

Levi’s face was blank. “And what if they don’t?”

“We might have to circumvent them, or perhaps even replace them. There are a few pieces of the
puzzle that we still need to find—we need to determine the true nature of Historia Reiss’s
background, and we have to see how the Council will react to all the events of the past week—”

“Whoa, hold on.” Levi sat sharply upright. “Replace them?”

“Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

“How much morphine did they give you? You’re considering overthrowing the government?”

“ If it’s what it takes to push forward to Wall Maria, we may need to.” Erwin held his gaze. “If you
choose to walk away before it comes to that, Levi, I won’t hold it against you.”

“You know I’m not going to walk away. But maybe you should sleep on this a bit before you
decide to do anything rash. You just woke up from a fucking coma.”

“Yes, and while I was out of the equation, everything operated smoothly without me. That clearly
shows how expendable I am.” Erwin lifted his chin. “I’ll do what I can to protect you and the rest
of the Survey Corps, but there’s no time left to play it safe anymore.”

“We’ve been playing it safe until now?” Levi was looking at him the same way he had earlier,
when he had questioned him about smiling. “Look, just consider it a bit before you make a
decision, okay? If you decide this is what you want to do, I’m with you. I’ve got your back no
matter what. You know that.” His mouth twisted, and his eyes drifted to Erwin’s arm. “At least, I’ll
do what I can.”

Ah, so he felt guilty. Erwin studied him. “You can’t blame yourself for anything that happens
while we’re apart. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, well, I should have been by your side. I would have cut that fucking titan down before it
touched you.” Levi looked away. “Fuck, you were so close to dying. And now you’re talking about
treason—”

“We both knew the gambles were going to get bigger as the stakes rose.”

“I know. It’s just not fucking fair.” Levi’s head bowed. “You’re wounded. You should be retiring,
not walking right back into the middle of this clusterfuck. After all you’ve done for this ungrateful
fucking society, you deserve to get married, settle down, start a family.”

Erwin wanted to smooth his hair back, but Levi was sitting on the same side as his missing arm. He
leaned forward so he could reach out with his good arm instead. “Levi.”

Levi looked up, grey eyes bloodshot.

“Marry me.”

“You really are groggy. We’re already engaged.”

“I know. Marry me now.”

“Huh?”

“We can’t really have a legal ceremony, anyway, not while we’re Commander and Captain. Why
don’t we ask Hange to officiate for us?” Erwin lay his hand palm-up on the covers. “It wouldn’t be
official, but it would be real to us, and that’s all that matters. Now that Mike is gone … ” His voice
hitched before he could stop it. “And now that your leg is injured … now that I’ve stared death in
the face … I see how fragile we are. You’re right; none of this is fair, and I’m tired of facing that
with dutiful obligation. Let’s take at least one thing for ourselves from this ungrateful fucking
world.”

After a long silence, Levi said, “Yeah.”

Erwin’s heart began to pound. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Let’s do it. Fuck everything else.” Levi grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’ll go get
Hange.”

It took a few minutes of explaining to get Hange to understand what they were trying to do.

“It won’t be legally binding,” Hange said.

“No shit. It doesn’t matter.” Levi stood beside the head of the bed, arms uncharacteristically
relaxed at his sides. “We can’t get a legally binding marriage, anyway, at least not without
breaking military codes or doing a hell of a lot of paperwork.”

“Okay.” Hange smiled, cheeks flushing a little. “Well. I don’t know what to say. Give me a second
to figure something out.”

“Should I stand?” Erwin asked.

“No,” Levi said, a bit too sharply. “You need to take it easy.”

“I should be facing you, at least.”

“Here, then: swing your legs over the edge of the bed.”

“Okay, I think I’ve got something,” Hange said. “Hold hands.”

Erwin sat with his legs over the side of the bed, facing Levi; the bed was at the right height for
them to see eye-to-eye. He held out his left hand. Small, strong hands closed around it, and
electricity ran down his spine.

Their eyes locked.

Erwin studied the broad forehead, the narrow brows, the dark creases that made the grey of Levi’s
eyes glow like ice in contrast. The delicate mouth, the upturned nose, the cheeks that had a
surprising youthful roundness to them. He felt a swell of love so strong that it made his hand
tremble; he gripped Levi hard and felt him do the same, their eyes searching each other.

This was real. Wall Rose, Wall Maria, the titan shifters, any of his father’s theories, those were all
artificially constructed problems, things most likely created in the minds of humans. They could be
dismantled by the minds of humans, too. But this surge of love for Levi was rooted in pure instinct,
a connection beyond comprehension.

Hange stood tall beside them. “We are here today to join Erwin Smith and Levi in marriage. I am
honoured to be here as their officiant and witness.” Hange’s voice trembled. “In the years I’ve
known these men, they have displayed that though they hold the ranks of Commander and Captain,
they are each other’s equals both on and off the battlefield, through an unspoken covenant of trust,
mutual respect, and shared experience. In roles steeped with stress and darkness, they have found
light in each other, and it shines so strongly that those of us closest to them can see its glow. It
brings hope to all of us.”

A lump was forming in Erwin’s throat. He turned to Hange and saw tears welling in the dark eyes,
and he felt another swell of love, seeing in Hange not just a subordinate, but a true friend. The three
of them had come through so much together. And Mike, too. Maybe Mike was watching them from
the afterlife, offering his silent approval.

“Would you like to say some vows to each other?” Hange asked.
“I would,” Levi said so quickly that Erwin’s heart skipped.

“Then go ahead.”

Levi’s hands shifted their grip, almost a fidget, but his stare was piercing. “Erwin, when we met, I
was a dumb street punk who couldn’t see past my next big score. I was so fucking bitter that I was
prepared to kill you just because I was convinced you were looking down your nose at me. But you
weren’t. You knew what I was about, you knew my goals, and you still fought to bring me into the
Survey Corps. You showed me how big the world is outside these walls, and the value of fighting
for a cause bigger than myself. You gave me the choice to follow you. I—” His voice cracked. “I
owe you everything. So I pledge my life to you. My life is yours. It always has been.”

Erwin’s jaw trembled. “Your life is your own, Levi.”

“Okay, yeah, it is, and I make my own choices. I always have. But I’ve never once regretted
following you. I need you to know that. I … ” Levi’s jaw was shaking, his grip tight. “I will follow
you anywhere.”

“And I’ll do the same.” Erwin fought to find the words. “When we met, you were a man who had
built a life from nothing, protecting those around him with a fierce loyalty I dreamed would one
day serve humanity. I was prepared for you to hate me if it meant leveraging your skills—I never
dreamed you would willingly give that precious gift of your loyalty and trust not just to humanity,
but to me as well.

“You showed me that pushing for humanity’s goals didn’t require me to give up my human nature.
I had been growing more and more detached, but you were stronger than me, strong enough to be
vulnerable, to form bonds, to care about the people around you. You taught me that it’s okay to
love. Even now, you allow me to show vulnerability, and you never see me as weaker for it.” He
swallowed against the lump in his throat. “I owe you everything, Levi. You protect me from the
world around me, but also from myself. You follow me with confidence even when I put both of us
in peril. My life is yours as much as yours is mine. We don’t lead or follow: we walk side-by-side.”

A tear spilled onto Levi’s cheek and ran down his jaw. “Shit.”

“Well,” Hange said, voice soft and shaking. “Do you, Levi, take Erwin to be your husband?”

“Yeah,” Levi rasped, “I do.”

“Do you, Erwin, take Levi to be your husband?”

“I do.” He blinked and felt a loose tear of his own.

“Then to all those present, you’re now married. You may kiss.”

They leaned in, and Levi’s mouth was soft beneath the roughness of Erwin’s chapped lips. Levi’s
breath tasted like mint. Mine must taste horrible, he thought, but Levi didn’t pull away. They
kissed a second time, even softer.

When they broke apart, Levi looked at him with a gentle one-sided smile, a dimple in his cheek.
Erwin smiled back.

“I’ll give you some privacy in a moment,” Hange said. “Just let me—” Erwin felt an arm wrap
around him.

“Ugh,” Levi said, who had received the other arm. “Get off us.”
“Sorry.” Hange squeezed them—delicately avoiding Erwin’s injury—then stood, eyes still glassy.
“I hope I did okay.”

“Yes, that was perfect.” Erwin smiled. “Thank you.”

“Okay, good. I’ll be outside the door if you need me.” Hange smiled at them both, then stepped
away. The door closed.

Levi leaned forward again and stole another quick kiss.

“My breath must be terrible,” Erwin said.

“It’s not bad.” Levi gripped either side of his head, leaning in until their foreheads touched. “So
we’re married?”

“Yeah.” Erwin felt that sweep of electricity down his spine again. “You’re my husband.”

“Husband. Sounds weird.”

“Yeah.”

“Feels … ” Levi gave an audible swallow. “Feels right.”

“Yeah.” Erwin reached up to smooth the slim jaw with his palm. “Are we going to consummate the
marriage?”

“Aren’t you still kind of fucked up?”

Erwin chuckled. “You might have to be gentle. And quick—I’m not sure how long Hange can
delay the nurses from checking on me.”

“ I have to be gentle?” Levi asked. “You want me inside you?”

“Yeah. Unless you’d rather ride me. I don’t think I have the strength to set the pace for us tonight.”

“I see. You’re clean enough for that?”

“Probably. I haven’t eaten in a week, and the nurses have been bathing me. I probably need a
shave, though.”

Levi ran his fingernails down Erwin’s jaw. “I don’t mind the beard.”

“Alright. Then take off my shirt.”

Levi pulled the collared shirt aside and draped it on the chair, then began to pull Erwin’s shirt up
from the bottom. “Lift your arms—” He caught himself, his brows pinching. “Arm.”

“It’s okay. I still have to lift both.” His right arm felt oddly light, oddly unconstrained as he lifted it.
The shirt slid over his head.

Levi sucked in a harsh breath, hand smoothing the skin in a manner that was more soothing than
sensual. Erwin looked down and saw purple bruising spilling from the bandage, staining his
shoulder and chest.

“Does it hurt?” Levi asked softly.

“A bit. The morphine helps.”

“Did it hurt when it happened?”

“Yes,” Erwin said, “but I got an incredible rush of adrenaline, and by the time that wore off, I was
going into shock. I didn’t have time to really register the pain.”

“I should have—”

“Don’t.”

Levi, looking younger and more fragile than he ever had, was chewing his lip. Erwin ran his thumb
across it, coaxing it out, then replaced his thumb with his lips. He began to untie the cravat. Levi’s
hands rose to help him. Together, they pulled off his shirt and jacket, then undid his pants and
pulled them down. Levi was already hard; Erwin gripped and began to slowly pump.

“Shit.” Levi’s head rolled back on his shoulders.

“Good?”

“Yeah. Not bad for left-handed.”

“I’m ambidextrous.”

Levi lifted his head. “Really?”

“Yeah. I used to practice writing and drawing with both hands as a kid. Right was always a little
better, but not much.”

“You really were a weird kid, weren’t you?”

Erwin smiled. “You have no idea.”

Levi kissed him, then reached beneath the waistband of his underwear to grip him, too. His hand
was warm, and Erwin gasped and thrust into it.

“Spread your legs,” Levi said, tapping the inside of his knees. Erwin complied, and Levi stepped in
so close that their moving hands were almost touching.

“I think the bed’s a good height for me to fuck you like this.”

“Yeah?”

“Might just need to put a pillow under your ass.” Levi grabbed a spare pillow from the head of the
bed. Together, they worked to position Erwin’s hips over the pillow, his legs hanging over the
edge of the bed, his back against the mattress.

“Fuck,” Levi whispered as he spread his legs a little wider, his fingertips gently caressing the
exposed flesh. “Fuck, Erwin, look at you.” His fingers drifted lower, then paused. “We don’t have
any oil.”

“There has to be something here somewhere.”

Levi began to rummage through cupboards. After a few minutes of reading labels, he pulled out a
bottle. “Lubricant for suppositories and pessaries?”
Erwin smiled. “That should work.”

“Double-check the label. I don’t want to accidentally grab something medicated.”

Once they were certain they had the right substance, they opened the cap. The oil smelled the same
as what they usually used, but it was far thicker. Levi easily slid a finger into him.

“Fuck,” Erwin breathed.

“That okay?”

“Yeah, it’s good. Am I clean enough?”

“Yeah, you’re fine.”

Levi gently stroked with his finger, and the sensations began to build and build. Erwin tossed his
head back, his lower body glowing with heat. He expected the motion to stop, but Levi must have
been enjoying himself, because he kept going.

“Still okay?” Levi asked after a few minutes.

“Feels good.” Erwin slowly thrust at empty air, his eyes closed, as the warmth continued to build.
“Keep that up and I’m going to come.”

“Oh?” The word rumbled, and suddenly the finger felt even nicer.

“Yeah. Feels so good.” His hand clawed into the bedsheets, his head rolling to the side . His voice
rose: “Levi—”

“Shh, not so loud.” The finger withdrew, and then he felt Levi press against him, hard and damp.
The next words were a whisper: “I wonder if I can make you come with just my dick?”

“Fuck.” Erwin pushed himself up on his elbow to see better. Levi was using one hand to guide
himself inside, gaze fixated on their union, lips parted. He likes what he sees—he’s so hot, so
beautiful—

Levi slid inside, and Erwin bore down reflexively, his head tossing back again.

“Oh god, fucking—”

“Shh.”

A hand clamped over his mouth—at an awkward angle, but still effective. Erwin whimpered
against it. That stretch was glorious; it was making him feel full, making him feel whole again.

“Fuck, Erwin,” Levi whispered, inching deeper. His finger curled into Erwin’s mouth, and Erwin
wrapped his tongue around it, sucking. Levi gasped and worked in deeper, deeper. Then he slid
past the spot he had been working at before, and Erwin’s back arched.

“Does that feel as good as my finger did?”

Erwin let a moan slide around the finger in his mouth, fighting to keep his volume down.

“I wish I could hear you yell.” Levi’s voice was hitching, his thrusts quivering, as if he were
fighting to hold back himself. He retracted his hand so he could grip both hips instead. “I love it
when you’re loud.”
Between the bed and the pillow, the angle was perfectly aligned. Erwin felt himself detaching from
his body. “Levi—”

“Come on.” The thrusts picked up their pace, but were still measured, still careful.

Erwin barely restrained a cry as he tried to counterthrust, but he was too weak, and Levi’s hands
were holding him still. “I’m going to—Levi—”

“Come on.” This time, the whisper was almost a growl.

Erwin cracked open his eyes and saw Levi standing above him, every muscle in his arms and chest
flexed, face hard, teeth clenched.

“Fuck!” He bore down with all his strength, and just as he had tipped past the point of no return,
Levi grabbed him and stroked to help him along. Warmth rippled through his entire body, his skin
tingling, his face numb from stretching into a silent scream. He was floating, he was flying. His
body shuddered in violent waves.

Then he lay still, breathing hard. The last few pulses made him shiver.

“Need me to pull out?” Levi whispered.

Erwin shook his head. Between the thick oil and the pain meds, he wasn’t feeling his usual post-
orgasm discomfort; all he could feel was how hard Levi was. “You’re close. Keep going.”

Levi let out a gasp that was almost a croak and hunched forward, burying his face in the damp
flesh of Erwin’s abdomen, arms forcing under his lower back to wrap around him. He began to
pick up speed and pushed the last strokes so hard that his back rounded with each thrust.

Erwin reached down to clumsily stroke the dark hair, still too winded to do much more. It must
have been enough, because Levi cried out and emptied into him, quivering.

Then he lay there, ragged breaths hot against Erwin’s stomach.

After a moment, Levi stood and pulled out. He found some clean towels in the cupboard and began
to wipe his face with one, tossing the other to Erwin.

“This isn’t going to be enough,” Erwin said. “Any more towels?”

“You came so much.”

“Mm. So did you.”

“Your nurses are going to have some questions next time they give you a sponge bath,” Levi said
dryly.

“Then I suppose I’ll just have to bathe myself.” Erwin gave him a grin. “Make sure you wipe your
face well.”

“Shut up.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to bury it in my mess.”

“Shut up.” Levi tossed the dirty towel at him. Erwin caught it and chuckled.

“Is this our first fight as a married couple?” He looked around and, seeing a laundry hamper in the
corner, tossed the used rags.

“Hopefully the first of many.” Levi paused, suddenly solemn.

Erwin felt his mood drop, too, as he realized they were about to part ways again. Facing the
Council felt even more dangerous than facing a possible breach in Wall Rose. Their eyes held, but
for the first time, he didn’t have any words to offer. What could he possibly say? They had said
them all so many times.

Levi’s throat bobbed, and he reached for the cravat on the table. “Here.” He folded it and held it
out with both hands.

“What’s this for?” Erwin asked, accepting it.

“My shirt’s too small for you, too obvious, but I want you to have something of mine.” Levi’s lip
curled into something approaching a smirk. “You don't have to wear it. You can just smell it and
jerk off when you’re in the Capital missing me.”

Erwin chuckled and accepted it. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to keep it safe until I can return it to you.”

“Well, keep yourself safe, too. You just lost a fucking arm.” The smirk faded. “But do what you
have to do.”

“And you do the same. If we lose contact, you may have to use your own judgement for a while.”
Erwin leaned forward. “You’ve been a key part of every strategy I’ve come up with for the past
four years. Don’t forget that. Trust your instincts; they’ll keep you safe. And trust me to do the
same, no matter what happens.”

Levi’s jaw quivered a little. “Okay.”

“Protect Eren and Historia above all else. They’re humanity’s best chance.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll … ” Maybe there was more to say after all. Erwin forced himself to hold eye contact, suddenly
shy. They were open with each other, but it was still hard to show vulnerability sometimes. “We’re
married now, Levi. They can’t take that away from us, no matter what happens next. That bond
will stretch between us no matter how far apart we are. Remember: I’m always with you.”

“Fuck,” Levi muttered, and a tear trickled down his cheek. “I love you, Erwin.”

“I love you, too.”

They carefully dressed. Erwin adjusted Levi’s collar and finger-combed his hair, then smoothed his
thumb along a crease in the narrow brows. They met in a slow, silent kiss.

Then Levi strode for the door. He paused, his hand on the handle, and turned back one last time.

Warmth swelled in Erwin’s chest. It seemed to him they were thinking the same thing in that
moment: Until we meet again, my husband. He smiled.

Levi’s cheek dimpled, then he turned and walked through the door.
 Epilogue
Chapter Notes

A/N: Thank you for all your support through this entire process. A special thank you
to those who took the time to do gift art, fic recs, and write comments. You're
amazing.

This epilogue is very short, so I was planning to put it up soon after my last update, but
my daughter decided to arrive 6 weeks early and caught us off guard! Sorry for the
wait. Been pretty busy. :)

This is the final part of HCT, but I am currently working on another eruri fic, a post-
canon fix-it fic called "In These Fallen Leaves," and I hope to have some fun with that
one! It will have a happy ending. Feel free to check it out if you're interested.

And with that, let's get into the epilogue!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

-Epilogue-

From the moment Levi next laid eyes on his husband, he knew something in him had broken.

It wasn’t the physical wounds, though those were obvious and jarring, one eye swollen half-shut,
chin black with bruises. It was the weight in his voice, his shoulders, the corners of his mouth.

“I think we need to ask your opinion, Commander,” Levi said aloud, using the formal title he had
never used in a military setting. You’re still in charge. You’re still the one I choose to follow. You
are valued.

Erwin’s lips curved into a smile, but his eyes were distant.

Levi found himself reluctant to leave Erwin’s side during the battle against Rod Reiss. It wasn’t
right for a man so recently injured to be right back in the thick of battle.

Erwin must have felt the same, because he stood a little too close, leaned in a little too far when
they spoke. When he handed back Levi’s cravat—an exchange that should have held great
emotional importance—their fingers brushed, and that was it. Others were watching, and the titan
was too immediate a threat to share a proper moment.

Without time to say anything personal, they were left with only formal discussion to convey their
concern for each other.

“The cannons on the wall have a much better angle, and they didn’t do shit,” Levi said. “What’s
going on?” Did those MP assholes hurt you so much that you’re too exhausted to think of a better
strategy? Or is this really the best we can do?
“ Look, this is without a doubt the best fighting force we could muster,” Erwin said. I’m in my
right mind. Trust me.

“ The Survey Corps’ strategy here is nothing more than a gamble, anyway,” Levi said. “Just like
everything you come up with.” You’re putting yourself in danger again. You need to stay off the
front lines; you’re risking too much.

But Erwin sent him to his position, and all he could do was give him one last glance before leaving
him unprotected yet again.

Gamble or not, the plan worked. Historia Reiss took down the monster that had been her father,
rightfully earning her crown in the eyes of the public. That night, the Olvud military let them stay
in the Garrison barracks for a celebration. They served the Survey Corps all their best provisions,
including fish stew and ice wine for the officers. Levi stood by Erwin’s wounded arm the entire
night, ready to catch the falling pieces if he crumbled. Erwin hid behind politeness, giving firm
handshakes and smiles that must have seemed genuine to everyone else.

When they were on their third glass of wine, the cracks finally began to show: Erwin’s voice
hitched mid-sentence.

“I still have to give you my full report, Erwin,” Levi cut in. “We should retire for the night.”

“Aw, come on, Captain,” one of the soldiers said. “There’s still plenty more wine—”

“No, the Captain is right. We have much to do, and we’ll need to be well-rested.” Erwin tipped his
head. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

They strode to the room that had been set aside for them, Erwin’s strides so long and fast that Levi
struggled to keep up. Erwin paced around the desk to the chair, and sat.

Levi watched him for a moment, then locked the door. Slowly, he circled toward the desk, trying to
gauge the stiffness of the spine, the flex of the knuckles. Seeing too much tension in both, he hung
back against the wall. Finally, he could ask the question that had been eating away at them since
their reunion. “What the hell did they do to you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Erwin’s arm hung limp in his lap, his chin bowed.

“You shouldn’t have had to give this much.” Frustration rose in Levi’s throat so violently that it
almost choked him. “You do so much for those fuckers while they hide deep in the Walls, and this
is how they repay you?”

A sharp blue gaze lifted to him. “What about you, Levi?”

“What about me?”

“How many people did you have to kill because of my selfish plans?”

His stomach dropped. “Don’t worry about that. I’m fine.”

“I turned you into an enemy of the people, forced you to murder—”

“I’m fine,” Levi growled. “But look at you , Erwin. What the fuck did they do to you?”

The gaze flicked down, sheltered beneath blond eyelashes. “I lost the ring.”

“What?”
“The ring I was carrying. They found it. They—” Erwin looked away. “They wanted to know who
it belonged to, threatened to find out … ” He trailed off.

Levi swallowed hard. He approached the desk slowly, afraid sudden movements would startle
Erwin in his vulnerable state. “Well, I know you didn’t tell them a thing, because they didn’t come
after me.” He didn’t bother mentioning the MP’s threat about hanging Erwin first. That wouldn’t
help anything.

Erwin’s throat bobbed.

“They did all this to you, and you stayed strong. You overthrew the government and saved the wall
from Rod Reiss’ bloated titan. So fuck them.” Levi leaned against the desk, within reach of him
now. “The ring doesn’t mean shit. It’s just a ring. You’re still my husband.”

The word hung between them for a moment, then Erwin slowly reached out his arm, gripped
Levi’s waist, and pulled him in. Levi held the blond head close, felt the sharp nose press against his
abdomen.

For several minutes, they stayed like that, unmoving except for Levi’s hand slowly stroking the
soft blond undercut.

“New hairstyle,” he said, searching for conversation.

Erwin finally lifted his head; his face was blank. “Yeah.”

“Shows off your forehead.”

“It was time for a change.”

“Hm. Maybe I should change my hairstyle, too.”

Erwin brushed the hair off Levi’s brow. “If you’d like, but I’m rather fond of this one. You’re a
constant amidst all this change.”

Levi’s cheeks warmed. “It’s late, and we’re both exhausted. We should get ready for bed.”

He slowly undressed Erwin. A dark bruise blossomed across his breastbone, another over his
kidney. They’d had the decency to leave his wounded arm alone, at least—that was healing well—
but one of his testicles was swollen and bruised. Levi’s breath hitched when he saw it, his vision
clouding red.

“It’s okay, Levi,” Erwin said softly.

“Those fucking barbarians!”

“It’s okay. I didn’t say what they wanted to hear, so they applied more pressure. I could have
stopped them at any time with the right words, but I chose not to.”

“You’re apologizing for them? Fuck, Erwin—”

“It’s okay. The plan worked. That’s all that matters right now.”

Levi thought of Hange’s threat to do the very same thing to their prisoner during the rebellion, and
his stomach heaved. Would we have followed through if he hadn’t cracked? We’re better than
them, aren’t we?
They were silent as Levi cleaned Erwin’s wounded arm and dressed it, then tended to a couple
gashes on his back that looked suspiciously as if they were caused by a whip or flail. All things
considered, they had gone much easier on him than they could have, especially compared to what
they had done to Minister Nick. He wondered if Nile had intervened on Erwin’s behalf—he
wouldn’t have the power to stop the questioning altogether, but he might have been able to
convince his captors to show some restraint. He should have stopped it entirely. This is an
unacceptable way to treat a Commander. To treat anyone.

When the wounds were wrapped and he had administered a small dose of morphine, he said,
“Would you like to debrief now, or wait until morning?”

Erwin’s gaze had lifted to meet his again. “I haven’t slept properly in days.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Levi strode to the bed; he fluffed the pillows and pulled back the covers, inspecting
the sheets for stains or hairs. Satisfied they were clean, he began to undress.

Once they were both in bed, he reached for the lamp, but Erwin caught his arm. When Levi turned,
he felt a mouth envelop his, warm with the breath he wasn’t sure he would ever taste again. He
leaned into it, a tear trailing down his cheek.

A hand ran down his chest, his abdomen. He broke the kiss.

“Hey, you don’t have to—”

“Please,” Erwin said, and he shifted down, beginning to follow his hand with an open mouth.

“You sure you’re up for this?”

“Please, Levi.” Kisses trailed down his abdomen. Erwin yanked down the front of his pants.

His mouth was pleasant and warm, but when Levi closed his eyes, all he saw was that swollen
testicle and the suspicious marks on the broad back. After a few minutes, he gently pushed Erwin’s
head away.

“It feels good,” he said helplessly, “I just—”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not you. My body’s just not—”

“I know. It’s okay, Levi.” Erwin kissed a line back up his abdomen, but stopped at his chest,
nuzzling against it.

Levi raked a hand in his hair and held him close.

When Levi awoke the next morning, he spent several minutes studying Erwin’s face. The bruising
already looked better, but the furrow in his brows, even in his sleep, made Levi’s chest ache. He
had previously failed to protect Erwin’s arm, then his entire body, and, it seemed, his mind as well.

Well, there was one way he could protect him now: by finding out what had happened to Kenny
and his cronies. He enlisted the help of a handful of soldiers and rode toward the chapel where they
had first encountered Rod Reiss.

Kenny had always seemed invincible, so it was a surprise to find a dying man.
Levi returned to Erwin’s temporary office carrying a small leather case, a symbol of the respect
from Kenny he had craved as a child.

Erwin looked up; the furrow was hidden behind his daytime mask. “Are you all right, Levi?”

Levi sat down across from him. “I screwed up.”

“Oh?”

“I put my own interests above humanity’s. I found Kenny, and he was dying. I should have asked
him about the Reiss family or the coordinate, but I asked him about my childhood instead.”

Erwin’s focus softened with understanding. Somehow, that soft gaze was even more concerning
than the blank one. “I see. Did you find out what you needed to know?”

“Some of it. He was my uncle, on my mother’s side. He left because he didn’t think he could be a
good father figure.” He paused, considering all the trauma Kenny had left him with. “I guess he
was right.”

“I see.”

“Anyway.” Levi shrugged. “I guess I have a family name after all.”

“Ackerman?”

“Yeah. Guess that’s why it was so familiar when Berit said it—someone must’ve called him that
around me at some point, or something.”

“Does that mean you’re related to Mikasa?” Erwin asked.

“I guess.”

“Physical prowess must run in the family.”

“I guess,” Levi said again. He pulled out the leather case and set it on the desk. “He left me this.
It’s one of Rod Reiss’ titan serums.”

Erwin was silent for a moment, then he pulled the case closer and opened it. “This will turn anyone
who receives it into a mindless titan?”

“That’s the theory. And then they can eat a shifter to gain its powers.”

“Incredible. We could use it to gain the power of the Colossal, Armoured, or Beast Titan.”

“Yeah.”

Erwin’s eyes were alight. “It seems your father figure has given you a legacy as well, one that
could shape the future of humanity.”

The reverence in his tone made anger rise in the back of Levi’s throat, hot and sharp. “Don’t read
too much into it.” He stood.

Erwin’s brows rose. “You’re leaving? I thought we could do our full debrief over a meal.”

Levi swallowed back his anger. His shitty childhood wasn’t Erwin’s fault. “Okay.”
They accepted food trays from the kitchen staff, and the day’s dinner, unlike the night before, was
an unappetizing mix of grey vegetables in a globby paste. Levi settled next to Erwin’s desk and
poked at the mixture a few times with his fork, then set it aside and poured another cup of tea.

The debrief was mostly one-sided. Erwin was, understandably, quiet about the time he had spent in
police custody. More surprising was that he was quiet about the moment the monarchy was
overthrown. His silence suggested to Levi that he shouldn’t pry. When Erwin was ready to talk
about it, the mask would drop. It always did, eventually.

They briefly parted ways while Erwin made plans for their return to Trost; Levi worked with
Hange on the personnel reports.

He returned to Erwin’s bedroom that night. When he entered, Erwin was curled tightly on his side.

“Hey.”

Erwin rolled over and smiled. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

Levi glided to the bed and sank into it. Their eyes held. Erwin lifted his hand; Levi pressed a kiss
into its palm, then another, then the inside of his wrist.

He let Erwin set the pace, conscious of his wounds; Erwin was soft with him, all smooth palms and
slow movements, until Levi cried his name into the hollow between his collarbones.

He awoke three times that night to Erwin sitting bolt upright, shouting for his father. Every time,
Levi held him, whispering assurances until he fell back to sleep.

The next morning, Erwin smiled and politely invited Levi to breakfast as if the nightmares hadn’t
happened at all.

The days turned into weeks. Erwin’s external wounds healed, but the internal ones worsened, and
no one seemed to notice but Levi. Aside from the nightmares, the wounds made themselves known
in sad, distant gazes when he thought no one was looking.

“You okay?” Levi asked, on more than one occasion.

The reply was always the same: Erwin would blink, smile and change the subject to the progress
on their upcoming mission. Eventually, Levi stopped asking. They were making good progress
toward their goals, and their nights were, physically at least, as warm and loving as they had ever
been. Maybe Erwin’s behaviour was exactly what he needed to recover from the horrors he had
survived.

But it wasn’t what Levi needed. The more time passed, the more the knot in his stomach tightened.
He began to notice the uncharacteristic immediacy of all Erwin’s plans: everything was focused on
this mission, as if there were no future beyond it. He knew Erwin was no longer fit for the field,
and he knew Erwin knew that as well. Gradually, he began to admit to himself that Erwin wasn’t
expecting to survive.

During their final Officer’s meeting, two nights before the mission to Shiganshina, he found
himself unable to hold his tongue.

Humanity needs you alive. He tried to reason with him, using the missing arm as an excuse, but the
mask went up in defense.
Frustrated, Levi tried to threaten him—softening it with humour, of course, because when could he
ever truly threaten the man he loved?

Erwin laughed so heartily that, for a moment, Levi thought he had finally broken through. But then
the sharp face hardened again.

“I must be there for the moment we find out the truth about this world.”

Levi squinted. He couldn’t tell anymore if this was a mask, or if he had accidentally peeled down
too many layers and reached a core he had never seen before. Even after all these years, even after
all they had been through, he still didn’t know Erwin Smith, not really.

“It’s that important to you?” he demanded. “More than your legs? More than humanity’s future?”

“Yeah,” Erwin said, his voice gentle, but his face stern.

Their gaze held, and this was it: the perfect time for the hypothetical they had talked about all
those years ago.

You said once that if I had been Marie, if I had asked you to leave everything behind for a life with
me, you probably would have agreed.

But even though Levi was desperate, even though there might never be another opportunity for
them, the words caught in his throat. He told himself it was because humanity needed Erwin more
than he did; he couldn’t risk taking away Erwin when they were on the cusp of such an important
mission.

The truth was, deep down, he was too afraid the answer would be no.

“Fine,” he said. “Erwin, I’ll trust your judgement.”

He slammed the door behind him.

His fists tightened as he strode to the dining hall. Fucking asshole and his fucking death wish!
Doesn’t he understand how important he is to humanity?

He could hear a commotion from the closed double doors ahead of him—what the hell were the
soldiers doing in there? All he wanted right now was a mug of ale and some peace and quiet.

He threw the door open in time to see Jean and Eren beating each other.

Fucking children. He strode forward. A punch to the gut, a kick to the chest; it felt good to vent his
anger. “All of you, you’re being too rowdy. Go to bed.”

He strode to the keg and poured a large mug of ale. Hange came up beside him.

“Everything okay?”

“Fine,” he said.

“It looked like you were going to have an important talk with Erwin. Did something happen?”

“No,” he lied. He drained his mug, then poured another. “Why did you let these brats beat the shit
out of each other? We have a mission in two days; they could have injured themselves. We don’t
need any more dead weight on the field.”
“Ah,” Hange said, as if he had just revealed some great truth.

“Don’t do that.” He drained the mug again, then poured a third. “Keep a better eye on these shits.”

“You’re worried about him.”

“Of course I’m worried. This whole time, Erwin’s talked about one of us dying at Wall Maria.” He
hadn’t meant to reveal that much, but he wasn’t in control of his words. “Now he’s flying into
battle one-armed. I’m supposed to be okay with that?”

“He’ll be on top of the Wall for most of the battle, if all goes according to plan.”

“Nothing ever goes according to plan.” He was dancing around what was really bothering him, and
he could tell Hange knew: those brown eyes were probing a little too deeply. He turned away. “No
more fighting among the soldiers, all right? I’m going for a walk.”

He originally planned to go to the roof by the stables—the guard tower was too heavy with
memories right now—but as he was leaving the barracks, he overheard Armin’s voice. Something
in it made him pause: hope. It was a welcome change from all the grim discussions that were
routine these days.

He sidled up to the wall and peered around it. Eren, Mikasa and Armin sat together, the two boys
speaking excitedly about the ocean. Armin’s blue eyes were alight with youthful optimism that
reminded him of Erwin when he had shared his father’s book at Christmas. That seemed so long
ago now, even though it had only been half a year. Nostalgia bloomed within him, warm and
tingling.

He studied the trio. Mikasa’s casual disinterest reminded him of himself, those nights when he,
Farlan and Isabel had sat by a campfire, looking up at the glowing rocks speckling the
Underground cavern. He had been content to observe his friends talk excitedly, happy to just be .
When was the last time he had found that kind of serenity? Was it that trip to the hot springs in
Utopia district? That felt like a lifetime ago.

His spirits weren’t the only ones lifting. Even Eren, who also had a broken air about him these
days, seemed to be coming alive as Armin spoke.

I used to be able to pull Erwin back from his sadness like that.

And suddenly, in the face of this youthful optimism, Levi understood: they were old and weary, he
and Erwin. They had lived abnormal lives, seen too many abnormal things. It had worn at them
both, bit by bit.

He looked down at his hands and saw wrinkles around the knuckles. The texture of the skin was
more leathery than it had been a few years ago, sunken in around the bones. He thought of the
white hairs he saw in the mirror each morning, now so prevalent along his scalp that he didn’t
bother to pluck them anymore.

His shoulders stooped with sudden weight. He struggled to his feet and made his way to Erwin’s
office. As he had suspected, the cracks around the door glowed with light.

He pushed into the room and stood in the doorway.

Erwin looked up. He was beginning to show his age, too, his cheekbones more prominent, the
creases around his eyes more pronounced, especially in the lamplight. He held a glass of amber
liquid; his hand wasn’t as worn as Levi’s, but these days, it had a tendency to shake when he
thought no one was looking.

In front of Erwin was his father’s book, open to a page in the middle.

“You shouldn’t be reading that with the door unlocked,” Levi said, nodding at it.

Their gaze held, then Erwin slowly sat upright. “Would you care to join me for a drink?”

Levi shrugged. He locked the door and settled into the chair across the desk from him.

Erwin poured him a glass and slid it across the table, not making eye contact. For a moment,
neither of them spoke; they busied themselves with sipping the liquor. It had a strong, leathery taste
that warmed Levi’s throat. He felt the knot in it begin to loosen.

“All I could think the whole time,” Erwin said abruptly, “was that I had subjected my father to the
same torture. Maybe worse, because he wasn’t a high-ranking military officer. And I—” His voice
cracked, and he stared into his drink. “I wonder how long he stayed strong for.”

Levi studied him. The lines on the sharp face were deeper now, especially in the corners of his
mouth. He was afraid to speak in case he derailed the sudden outburst of honesty, but he couldn’t
let Erwin blame himself for something he had done as a young child. “You aren’t responsible for
what anyone did to him.”

“Yes, I am.” Erwin’s throat bobbed. “You don’t understand, Levi. If I’d had the sense to keep my
mouth shut about his dreams, I wouldn’t have been overheard, and they wouldn’t have taken him
away. My mother always blamed me; she was right.” His voice trailed off. He took another long
sip of the liquor.

Levi waited, not wanting to push him.

“I forgot about everything else, in those moments,” Erwin rasped after a moment. “The Survey
Corps, the titans—even you, Levi. Even you. I could only think about my father, about how he had
felt every bit of what I was going through, how he had known it was my fault the entire time. I
don’t … I don’t know how I managed to keep from telling them everything. I just kept repeating
the same phrases, over and over. I didn’t know what the words meant anymore.” His head ducked,
and he shielded his face with his hand, but not before Levi saw his face twist into a grimace. “I
wonder, Levi: did he hate me for it? Did he regret telling his idiot son—”

“Hey,” Levi said. “Stop.”

“All I’ve ever aspired to is to be good —a good son, a good Commander, a good husband. But I’m
so tired, Levi. I’m so—”

“Stop.” He gripped the broad wrist, trying to ground him. “Delay the mission. You need to heal.”

“There’s no time to heal. Besides, I don’t know if I can. I … ” Erwin took a deep breath, his
shoulders shuddering. “I’m sorry. I drank too much.”

He was sober, and they both knew it, but Levi let him have his dignity. “You shouldn’t get drunk
on liquor this expensive. It’s a waste.” He withdrew his hand and picked up the book, leafing
through it. Maybe he could spread some of the hope he had just experienced. “I overheard Armin
talking to Eren about the ocean.”

Erwin’s head lifted. “Oh?”

“Not sure how he knows about it, but it seems you aren’t the only one set on learning more about
this world.” He turned the page and saw giant ships not unlike the ones that ran the waterways
within the Walls, but at least five times larger. “I bet the ocean is huge. Look how big these ships
are.” He randomly flipped to the centre of the book, and found the page Erwin had shown him at
Christmas, with the diverse group of people. “You still think they’re out there somewhere?”

“I do,” Erwin said.

“I bet they have those answers you seek, huh?”

He had pushed too hard; Erwin gave him a polite smile.

So that’s how it’s going to be. Levi closed the book. “I hope the answers are worth it.”

The smile faded. “You’re still angry.”

“Yeah.”

They drank in silence for a few minutes, and Levi searched for a conversation topic that didn’t
remind him of their argument. It was no use; everything always brought him back to Erwin and his
sudden shortsightedness. Maybe they needed to address it head-on instead. He cleared his throat
and leaned forward. “This reminds me of the first time we drank together.”

“Hm?” Erwin looked up, puzzled.

“You know, the night I got promoted to Squad Leader, when we interviewed four-eyes. Tension
we don’t want to acknowledge, awkward silences.”

To his surprise, Erwin chuckled. “I suppose you’re right. That was when I told you about Marie
and Henrik, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“You tried to guess details about my background.”

“I was mostly wrong.”

Erwin chuckled again, but then his smile faded. “This past month has been difficult.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Levi. I’ve said it from the beginning: I’m not an easy person to love. I don’t … ” His
voice was soft. “I don’t blame you if you’re wondering if it was worth it.”

Their gaze locked. Levi drained his glass, then stood and padded around the desk. His hands slid
across Erwin’s temples as he drew him in, pulling the man’s ear to the centre of his chest. He held
him close.

After a moment, Erwin’s arm wrapped around his waist. “Are you?”

“What? Wondering if it’s worth it?”

“Yeah. Do you regret—”

“No.”
“I can hear your heartbeat. It sounds strong. Like you.” Erwin nuzzled against his chest. “Levi.”

“Yeah?”

“I know you don’t believe in an afterlife, but if we get to the other side and discover there is one,
promise me we’ll find each other.”

With a wounded husband going into battle, Levi found he could almost convince himself there was
an afterlife. “Okay. We’ll find each other.”

“I know I deserve hell,” Erwin whispered. “But maybe whatever afterlife we find will be peaceful
instead. Maybe we can just … forget all this.”

Levi clutched him tighter against his chest.

Erwin lay back on the bed, his naked body lit by striped moonlight from the curtains. His hand
lingered on Levi’s chin, thumb on his lower lip.

For a moment, Levi watched him, then their lips found each other, their bodies sliding together.
They rolled across the bed once, twice. Under Levi’s touch, goosebumps rippled across Erwin’s
back; he traced down the spine to the soft hair at the base. Erwin suddenly curled around him,
clutching him so tightly that Levi’s breath escaped in a sharp cry.

“Please,” Erwin whispered, breath hot in his ear, “I want you inside me.”

Levi shivered. He rolled Erwin onto his back again, studying that striped moonlight, perfect
straight edges against the curves of his collarbone, chest and ribs. All those years, he had seen this
body as perfect and ethereal, but now it seemed too human, just flesh and bone that could be torn
apart with a single titan bite.

But that was freeing, in a way. Here, they were just two men, bodies sliding together as millions of
lovers had done before them, expressing the only thing worth saving in this ungrateful world. No
military roles. No legacies. No dreams. Just two imperfect, fragile men.

He slid into him, and Erwin arched, his erection throbbing against Levi’s abdomen, hands clawing
the sheets. The knot in Levi’s throat tightened again.

“I love you,” he whispered.

The words must have thrust deep into Erwin; he tossed his head back and cried out.

They stretched out their lovemaking as long as possible, changing positions, pausing for slow
kisses, until they were too impatient to delay any longer. Levi felt them rise together, and their
moans were probably loud enough to be overheard, but what did that matter now?

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice was frantic. Levi wrapped around him, fingernails clawing into skin. They
shuddered against each other as the waves drowned them both.

The world came back to them too quickly. Weight was settling on Levi’s shoulders again, and he
wanted none of it. He clung to the freedom they had in each other and found in it the courage he
had lacked before.

“Erwin,” he whispered, “run away with me.”

 But Erwin’s eyes were closed, his breaths deep and even, and he looked so peaceful, for the first
time in weeks, that Levi didn’t have the heart to wake him.

Chapter End Notes

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