Self-control

Build a fort, play the giggle game, or shake a Parents’ prayer

pop bottle into a volcano of fizz. Who would Before you begin leading your children through this
have thought learning self-control could be so study on self-control, spend time alone with God
much fun? interceding for His help.

Review these ideas, plus plenty more, to create Use the sample prayer below, or build your own
lessons that help kids: prayer using the verses under “Scripture-guided
prayer.”
• control negative impulses, in dependence on the
Holy Spirit Sample prayer
Jesus, You, are the Lord of self-control. Satan
• think through consequences before speaking tempted You to flaunt Your power, to show off
or acting and to indulge Your appetite. But You were “full
of the Holy Spirit” and used Scripture to rebuff
• walk away from troublemakers. Satan (Luke 4:1-13). Thank you for choosing to
experience life in a human body. You really do know
This lesson is also helpful for children who tend to how challenging it can be to exercise self-control
overreact, have difficulty managing anger and lash (Hebrews 4:15).
out by shouting, hitting or biting.
Self-control doesn’t come easily to me. Please
forgive me for the times I have said and done things
Lesson contents rashly. Please remind me to consider self-control
Parents’ prayer 2 as “God-control” – not trying to control myself with
Kids talk with God 3 human effort, but rather depending on You to fill me
Speak a blessing 4 with the Holy Spirit so I can be self-controlled. I ask
Memory verses 4 that You will make that supernatural change in me so
Kick-off craft 5 I can keep in step with the Spirit. My desire is to have
Bible stories 6 the fruit of Your Spirit evident in my life, especially
Creative discipline 8 self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). You know that I
Hands-on options 9 struggle with self-control when . Please
remind me to go to You when I am tempted, as I
know Your promise to “provide a way out so that [I]
can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Thank
you for promising Your Holy Spirit to all who ask
(Luke 11:13)! As I wake each morning, please remind
me to ask for a fresh filling of Your Spirit.

If, as an adult, I sometimes struggle with

impulsiveness, I wonder what it must be like to be
a kid trying to exercise self-control. My children
struggle with maintaining self-control when
. Wonderful Counsellor, please pour out
Your heavenly wisdom on and
so they are able to recognize temptation when the
devil comes prowling around to tempt them to lose
self-control in this area. Do not give Satan the joy of
seeing them “like a city whose walls are broken down”
(Proverbs 25:28). Instead, please prompt my children
to go to You for help when they are tempted, so the

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 2 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
walls of their hearts remain intact. Please give them Kids talk with God
the wisdom to ask to be filled with Your Spirit so they Use this section to help your children learn to reach
can be self-controlled. out to God in all things. The sample prayers all
begin with “Dear God,” however, you may use any
As a family, I ask that we will be strong in You, Lord, other names for God your children are comfortable
and in Your mighty power. Remind us of our need to with (i.e. Jesus, Father God, Lord Jesus, Heavenly
put on the full armour of God so we can take a stand Father, Abba Father, Lord). If your kids are ready to
against the devil’s schemes. I ask that in addition to pray original prayers, you may wish to use the Bible
the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, verses provided under “Scripture-guided prayer for
the shield of faith, and the helmet of salvation, that children.”
we will hold firmly to the sword of the Spirit, the
Word of God, and that we will be a praying family! Sample prayers
Please fit our feet with readiness that comes from Dear God, I am having trouble controlling my tongue.
the gospel of peace (Ephesians 6:10-18). How better I say unkind things without thinking. Please help me
can we be equipped to have victory over the plans to be full of Your Holy Spirit so I think before I speak.
of the devil? None of this can be accomplished in Amen.
human might or power, but by Your Spirit, Lord
Almighty (Zechariah 4:6). Amen. Dear God, I am having trouble controlling my hands/
thoughts/feet. I do/think things that do not please
Scripture-guided prayer for parents You. Please help me to be full of Your Holy Spirit so I
Pray through one or more of the selected Scriptures can honour You with my thoughts and actions. Amen.
under each heading. Focus on listening to God and
allowing His Spirit to direct you as you pray. Dear God, if I am upset and getting close to losing
self-control, please remind me to ask for the help of
Character focus your Holy Spirit. Amen.
Begin by letting God know how much you appreciate
His ultimate control and the promise of His Dear God, I have a problem with trying to solve
Holy Spirit. problems using rough and hurtful actions instead of
John 14:15-17 | Romans 8:26-27 | kind and gentle words. Please help me to remember
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 | Colossians 2:9-10 | to talk about problems rather than acting out towards
Hebrews 4:14-16 others. Amen.

Heart search Dear God, when the devil comes prowling around
Acknowledge where and how you lack trying to devour me, please remind me to pray
self-control personally. and ask You to protect me and not to give in to his
Proverbs 25:28 | Proverbs 29:11 | Proverbs 29:20 | temptation. Amen.
Romans 6:11-14 | Galatians 5:16-21 | James 1:19-20
Dear God, please forgive me for losing self-control.
Gratitude I know it does not please You. Please help me to be
Thank God for the ways you have seen self-control full of Your Holy Spirit so I can be self-controlled.
exhibited within your family. Amen.

Family requests
Ask God to help you and your family to be self-
controlled in your thoughts and actions.
Luke 11:11-13 | Galatians 5:22-26 |
1 Thessalonians 5:5-8 | 2 Timothy 1:7 | 2 Peter 1:3-4

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 3 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
Scripture-guided prayer for children • I’m glad you used a Bible verse to fight off
Read through one of the selected Scriptures under each temptation. It feels so much better to deal
heading and help your children pray based on the verse with a problem using self-control than losing it,
you read. Encourage them to listen to God and allow His doesn’t it, ?
Spirit to guide them as they pray.

Character focus Memory verses

Begin by telling Jesus you appreciate knowing that Memorizing Scripture with your children helps
He understands what it is like to be a kid and thank God’s Spirit bring about lasting change. Choose a
Him that He promises to share His Holy Spirit with verse that your kids can learn in a pre-determined
you to help you be self-controlled. period of time. Aim to review the verse at least once
Romans 8:26,37 | 2 Corinthians 12:9 | every day.
Hebrews 4:15-16
Psalm 4:4 “In your anger do not sin; when you are on
Heart search your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”
Acknowledge where and how you lack self-control.
Proverbs 25:28 | Proverbs 29:11 | James 1:19 Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips.”
Gratitude
Thank God for ways you have been self-controlled. Proverbs 14:17 “A quick tempered man does foolish
things, and a crafty man is hated.”
Personal requests
Ask God to help you, your siblings and your parents Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient man than a warrior,
to be self-controlled in your thoughts and actions. a man who controls his temper than one who takes a
Luke 11:11-13 | Galatians 5:22-23 | 2 Timothy 1:7 city.”

Proverbs 17:27 “A man of knowledge uses words

Speak a blessing with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-
Use this section as a reminder to “speak a blessing” tempered.”
when you see your son or daughter growing in the
area of in self-control. Proverbs 19:2 “It is not good to have zeal without
knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way.”
• Good job using self-control, !
Proverbs 25:28 “Like a city whose walls are broken
• I see that is self-controlled. down is a man who lacks self control.”

• I’m proud to see you’re solving your problem Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but
using words instead of actions, . a wise man keeps himself under control.”

• You kept the walls of your city intact, . Proverbs 29:20 “Do you see a man who speaks in
Good job! (Proverbs 25:28) haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

• I’m proud you went to God for help in using self- Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your
control, . I see that the Holy Spirit spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
is living in you, because I see your self-control.
, Jesus is proud of you and so am I. 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But He said to me, ‘My grace
is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in
weakness . . .’ ”

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 4 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, Kick-off craft
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, kindness, The craft suggested here will help remind your
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against children to practice self-control and is based on
such things there is no law.” 1 Peter 5:8: “Be self-controlled and alert. Your
enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone
Ephesians 4:26-27 “ ‘In your anger do not sin.’ Do not to devour.”
let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do
not give the devil a foothold.” A self-control poster
Directions
1 Thessalonians 5:6-8 “So then, let us not be like 1 Help your children draw or trace a picture of a
others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self- lion on the poster.
controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and
those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we 2 Next have your children place their hands over
belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting the lion and trace around their hands.
on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of
salvation as a helmet.” 3 Write the memory verse of your choice on
the poster.
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of
timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self- 4 Use the poster as a reminder that the best way
discipline.” to defeat Satan when he tries to devour us is
to pray.
Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest
[Jesus] who is unable to sympathize with our 5 Review the questions for discussion below
weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted to enhance your children’s understanding of
in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin.” the concepts.

1 Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy Throughout the day, encourage your children to clasp
the devil prowls around looking for someone to their hands together tightly when they feel like they
devour.” are going to lose self-control. Have them come to
you so you can help them pray. Explain that Satan is
2 Peter 1:5-8 “For this very reason, make every effort strong like a lion, but we can be stronger than Satan
to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, when we go to God for help. Just as the tracing of
knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control; and to their hands covers the lion, they can be stronger than
self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, the temptation Satan sends when they are full of the
godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and Holy Spirit. Tell your children that putting their hands
to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these together will help remind them to talk to God and
qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you ask for His help in maintaining self-control. At these
from being ineffective and unproductive in your times, you may also select a kids talk with God
knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” prayer to pray with your children.

Questions for discussion

• Could you win in a fight against a real lion?

• Who could help you and how?

• Who does the Bible say is like a lion?

• Why does the Bible say you need to be alert?

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 5 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
 • How does Satan try to devour you? be self-controlled. It is the same for you and I. If
we try to fight Satan and temptation on our own, it
• How can you beat Satan when he is acting like a is difficult, and perhaps impossible. If we ask God
lion? to fill us with His Holy Spirit to help us fight Satan
and temptation, we can be strong and victorious
like Jesus.
Bible stories
This section provides Bible stories with the theme of Picking fights
self-control, along with questions that can be used Read Genesis 26:17-22.
as a guide for family discussions. Choose one that is
appropriate for your children. Before reading aloud, Questions for discussion
take a few minutes to review the story. If the Bible 1. What do other kids do when they want to pick
passage is too complex for your kids, paraphrase a fight?
the story yourself or use the summary provided
under “key concepts.” 2. How about your brother/sister?

Jesus fights temptation 3. How do you feel when someone says that
Read Luke 4:1-13. something you own is his/hers?

Questions for discussion 4. What happened to Isaac’s servants?

1. Tell me about a time when you were really,
really hungry. 5. What did they do?

2. How badly do you want to eat when you are 6. How many wells did they have to dig before the
just starving? herdsman of Gerar didn’t bother them?

3. Can you imagine how hungry Jesus must have 7. What is the best thing to do if someone picks a
been after not eating for 40 days? fight with you?

4. If you had not eaten for 40 days and you had the Key concepts
power to turn stone into bread, would you? Isaac’s servants had moved into a new territory. Part
of moving into new territory involved finding water
5. Jesus had all the power in the world and Satan for the flocks they were caring for. As Isaac’s men
tempted him to show it off, but Jesus didn’t. dug wells, the herdsman living in the new territory
How did Jesus resist temptation? argued with them and kept claiming the wells as
their own.
6. How can we use Scripture to help us maintain
self-control? Instead of fighting back and fighting for the wells
that were rightfully theirs, Isaac and his people just
Key concepts kept moving on and digging another well, until the
The Bible says Satan tempted Jesus for forty days. herdsmen of Gerar left them alone. These men
During this time, Jesus did not eat. Satan tempted exercised self-control and didn’t fight for their rights.
Jesus with food, power and the opportunity to show Isaac and his servants set a good example for all of us
off His power and to honour Himself instead of God. of what to do if someone picks a fight with you. The
best thing to do is to walk away and keep the peace.
When Satan tempted Jesus, Jesus used Bible verses
to tell Satan why He wasn’t going to do what he
asked Him to do. The Bible also tells us Jesus was
full of the Holy Spirit, which means God helped him

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 6 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
The funky fox Who needs to be self-controlled?
Read Nehemiah 4. Read Titus 2:1-12. As you read this passage, ask the
kids to listen for the word “self-control.” Ask them to
Questions for discussion raise their hands when they hear it.
1. How do you feel when someone makes fun of
something you are making? Questions for discussion
1. Can you think of something you do that does not
2. How do you feel when you start a big job that please God?
will take a long time to finish?
2. Have you ever wanted something so much that
3. Let’s say you were trying to build a big Lego® you had a tantrum when you were told you
house or spaceship. If someone were making couldn’t have it?
fun of you, saying what a lousy builder you were,
how would you feel? 3. What is self-control?

4. Would you want to quit or would you 4. Who needs to be self-controlled?

keep trying?
5. Why do we need to be self-controlled?
5. What did Nehemiah do when his enemies made
fun of the wall he was building and said it would 6. When are you most tempted to lose self-
break if even a fox walked on it? control?

6. When someone is angry with you, what is the Key concepts

easiest thing to do? Self-control is saying “no” to ungodliness (behaviour
that does not please God) and worldly passions
7. What could have happened if Nehemiah had (allowing things to be so important to you that they
become angry and lost self-control when contribute to sinful behaviour). The Bible indicates
Sanballat mocked them? that everyone is to be self-controlled. When we
choose to have the Holy Spirit live inside of us, God
Key concepts helps us to maintain self-control. Self-control is one
When someone gets mad at us, the easiest thing of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Ask
to do is get mad, too. Nehemiah was rebuilding God to help you remember to ask for help when you
the walls of Jerusalem. His enemies were angry are tempted to lose self-control.
about this and mocked the efforts of Nehemiah
and his men and also threatened them with a fight. Expressing anger hastily
Nehemiah didn’t get angry when they made fun of Read Proverbs 29:20, Ecclesiastes 7:9, Proverbs 29:11
him, nor did he offer to fight. and Proverbs 14:17.

If Nehemiah had fought back, there was a chance Questions for discussion
a war could have started. Nehemiah’s anger could 1. Have you ever said or done anything and later
have clouded his thinking and he may not have you wished you hadn’t?
remembered to consult God for directions and
protection. Instead, Nehemiah talked to God and 2. What does the Bible say about doing or saying
asked Him to deal with the troublemakers. Talking to things without thinking first?
God helps us know what to do when we are tempted
to get mad at someone. The best thing to do when 3. What does it mean to speak in haste?
we are tempted to fight or lose self-control is to pray!

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 7 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
 4. When are you tempted to speak without lose one part of your body than for your whole body
thinking first? to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes
you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for
5. What does it mean to be provoked in your spirit? you to lose one part of your body than for your whole
body to go into hell.”
6. What does it mean to give full vent to
your anger? These verses take a pretty hard line on sin. In order
to teach our children the importance of self-control,
7. How can you stop yourself from being foolish? we can choose to take a softer approach. As you
read Matthew 5:29-30, realize that Jesus was not
Key concepts suggesting people cut off their body parts; rather, He
Most of us have said or done something foolish and was telling people they needed to deal with the sin
later regretted it. As you read the Bible verses listed in their lives very seriously. Lack of self-control is a
above, notice a word that is used in all of these serious sin as it opens the door for Satan to cause us
verses; the word is fool. to sin in a number of ways, most commonly through
hurting others and ourselves physically, emotionally
Traditionally, the word fool was defined as “one or spiritually.
without spiritual wisdom; wicked person” (Funk and
Wagnalls Standard Dictionary). When we let the devil Suggested disciplinary action
tempt us with losing self-control, this causes us to do When a child loses self-control, do not allow him/her
things that are not righteous. to use the body part he/she sinned with for a given
period of time. Base this on the age and maturity of
Normally we think of wickedness as something mean the child. For example, if a child shouts or speaks
or bad that has been planned out ahead of time, unkindly, he/she can be sent for a quiet time out. If
but we can actually do wicked things when we say the child hurts another with his/her hands, he/she
or do things without thinking. In fact, we can hurt can give his/her hands a time out by sitting with his/
people more by careless words and actions than if her hands together for a set time. Similarly, if the
we planned to hurt them. Matthew 12:36 says that child uses his/her feet to disobey, he/she can sit with
all of us will have to give an account to God for every his/her feet still for a set period time.
careless word we speak. The good news is that God
will help us with self-control when we ask Him. Take Affirmation
time to pray one of the kids talk with God prayers Read Luke 11:13 with your child. Explain that God
together. wants to give them a wonderful gift – His Holy Spirit.
Pray together asking for the “good gift” of the Holy
Spirit to come and help maintain self-control.
Creative discipline
Few parents enjoy their God-given responsibility of Another excellent verse to use for affirmation is
disciplining their children, and even fewer children Proverbs 29:11. Let your child know you are confident
enjoy being on the receiving end. The Bible tells us that with the Holy Spirit’s help you believe he/she
to expect discipline to be uncomfortable, but also can be a wise boy/girl.
promises positive results. This section will provide
you with innovative suggestions to use when
correcting your children, to help them learn to
practice self-control.

For problems with self-control

Biblical basis
Mathew 5:29-30 “If your right eye causes you to sin,
gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 8 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
Hands-on options tempted beyond what God will help them handle
These ideas require very little preparation, making (1 Corinthians 10:13).
it easy for you to share some simple but memorable
lessons with your children. Read over the options Close by praying and thanking God that He
at the beginning of your week and choose one or two understands what it is like to be tempted and that He
that will fit your schedule. will never let us be tempted beyond that which we
can handle. For further insight, read and discuss the
Self-control scenarios “Jesus fights temptation” story in the Bible stories
drive time or any time section of this lesson.
You can play the self-control game when you are
driving in the car or as a family activity at home. Take Relevant Scripture
turns giving examples of when self-control is needed. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has seized you
(See examples below). After each example, ask the except what is common to man. And God is faithful;
questions for discussion. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can
bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide
• Someone has just taken your favourite toy a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
from you.
Everyone loves presents: God’s great
• You have had one piece of cake and your gift!
stomach feels full. Someone offers you drama / role play
another piece. Prior to beginning this discussion, wrap up an empty box
in attractive gift-wrap. Attach a note that says:
• You are alone in the kitchen and see an open bag
of chocolate chips on the counter where you can An empty box wrapped with ribbon and care,
reach it. No one will notice if you take a few. This gift is not costly, but precious and rare.
Please do not open it – you’ll find nothing there,
• Someone has just called you a mean name that It’s just to remind you, that with one simple prayer
hurt your feelings – now they are laughing at you. God gives you His Spirit, it’s His gift to share.

• You just received some discipline from one Place the gift where it can be admired during your
of your parents, now your brother or sister discussion. Use the introductory questions for
is smiling. discussion to introduce the concept of the Holy Spirit
as a gift from God.
Questions for discussion
• Would you need to use self-control in Questions for discussion
this situation? • Can you think of a special gift someone has
given to you?
• Would it be easy or hard to be self-controlled in
this situation? • Who gave it to you?

• If you would have a hard time using self-control, • Why is it so special?

how could you make it easier?
• Do you want to hear about an even greater
Key concepts gift that God has waiting for all of us? Read
You want your children to understand that when Luke 11:5-13. Explain that the Holy Spirit is
we are full of the Holy Spirit, it is easier to use God’s special gift to us and that His Spirit
self-control. It is one of the fruits of the Spirit. can come and live in each of us (John 16:5-16,
Also remind your children that they will never be John 14:15-21).

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 9 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
 • Have your parents ever given you an awful gift Questions for discussion
like a snake or a rock? • Do you like the way this tantrum looks?

• When you ask for food, what do your parents • Do you like the way this tantrum sounds?
give you?
• Would you like to be around someone who
• Have you ever turned down a gift that someone did this?
gave you?
• Should a child who loses self-control expect to
• What is the “good gift” God offers us? get what they want?

Close by reading the note on the gift aloud and ask Relevant Scripture
your children if they want to accept God’s gift of Titus 3:1-2 “Remind the people to be subject to rulers
the Holy Spirit. If they do, suggest that while you and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do
pray, they hold their hands open as though they were whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable
about to receive a gift. Pray with them, thanking God and considerate, and to show true humility toward all
for His gift of the Holy Spirit and asking God to fill men.”
each of you with the Holy Spirit. Pray specifically for
the Holy Spirit to provide self-control. Leave the gift Giggle game
wrapped as a reminder to ask for a fresh filling of the physical activity
Holy Spirit every day. To play the giggle game, name one person as “it.” The
other family members can do anything they want to
Relevant Scripture make this person laugh, except touch them. After
Luke 11:5–13 the person who is “it” laughs, another person takes
a turn being “it” until all family members or players
John 14:15-21 have had a chance.

John 16:5-16 After the game, talk about self-control. Explain that
it is usually okay to laugh in life, but there are times
Ugly tempers on display when we shouldn’t laugh. We should not laugh when
drama / role play someone is hurt or sad, during quiet time at school
If you get a chance, videotape a temper tantrum. or church, or if they are somewhere where they have
Whining, groaning and complaining are temper been asked to be quiet. The following questions will
tantrums in disguise. If these are problems in your help to clarify this for young children.
home, you may also want to record them, too.
View the recording later and use the questions for Questions for discussion
discussion to help talk about how the tantrum or the • Can you think of some times in life when we
grumbling and whining looks and sounds. Explain to shouldn’t laugh?
your children that when they lose self-control, they
will end up getting disciplined rather than getting • Eating is fun, like laughing is fun, but there is a
what they wanted. time to eat and a time to stop eating. When is it
time to stop eating?
Read Titus 3:1-2. The Bible says we are to be
obedient – ready to do good, to slander (speak badly • Playing is fun. But when Mom or Dad say it is
of) no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to time to stop, it can be tempting to continue.
have a humble attitude. Pray, asking God to help your When is it time to stop playing?
family members “do whatever is good” so there will
be fewer outbursts of anger, and less whining and/ • Chasing around and being silly is fun, but there
or bickering. is a time and a place for silliness.

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 10 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
 • When is okay to be silly? Questions for discussion
Read Galatians 5:13-15 and 25-26 and ask the
• When is it not okay to be silly? following questions:

• How can you have self-control in • What kind of messes do we get ourselves into?
these situations?
• Is it a mess when we hurt someone’s feelings?
Key concepts
There are times when we need to obey the • What other messes can you think of?
instructions of parents and stop doing what seems
to be fun. Even though it is tempting to do what feels • Would you rather live in a family where people
good instead of stopping, we can ask God to help encourage each other or devour each other?
us be self-controlled and to choose to stop what we
are doing. Key concepts
When we do not use self-control, we end up “biting
Relevant Scripture and devouring” each other, and “provoking and
Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 “There is a time for everything, and envying” each other. This is not God’s plan for
a season for every activity under the heaven. . . . a our lives. He would rather see us encouraging and
time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn building one another up. When we feel like fizzing
and a time to dance.” all over everyone, it is time to get alone with God for
a talk.
Fizzy mess
science with a twist Help your children make plans for what they will do
This exercise in simple science is designed to help when they feel like they are going to lose self-control.
your children understand the importance of dealing Challenge your children to hold one hand in a fist
with emotions before they get to the point of “boiling and clamp the other hand over top of it, pretending
over.” This project should be done outside or in an that it is a bottle of pop ready to explode. In order to
area that is easy to clean up. “keep the lid on,” he/she can to come to a parent who
will help them bring their frustration to God. As your
You will need soda pop in a clear bottle and a suitable children are able, have them go directly to God with
place to make a mess their concerns.

1 Shake the bottle of pop up a lot. As you are Relevant Scripture

shaking the pop, explain that life has its shake- Galatians 5:13-15 “You my brothers, were called to
ups, too. Life’s shake-ups are times when we feel be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the
a lot of pressure. For example, perhaps teasing sinful nature; rather serve one another in love. The
from a sibling shakes you up; maybe it is feeling entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love
as though you’re not getting your fair share or your neighbor as yourself.’ If you keep on biting
being treated unjustly. Use examples of things and devouring each other, watch out or you will be
that press your children’s buttons. destroyed by each other.”

2 Next, take the top off the bottle of pop and fizz Galatians 5:25-26 “Since we live by the Spirit, let
from the pop will fly everywhere. Explain that us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become
when we lack self-control, we are just like the conceited, provoking and envying each other.”
bottle of pop. Just as the pop flying everywhere
makes a mess, we make messes when we lack Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may
self-control. spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let
is not give up meeting together, as some are in the

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 11 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – Explain that in Bible times, they put walls around
and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” their cities to protect themselves from enemies.

Smart self control Read Proverbs 25:28 and Ephesians 6:10-18 to find
drive time or any time out how to secure protection from Satan’s attacks.
Give your children a treat that comes in small pieces Emphasize Ephesians 6:11 (“so that you can take your
(e.g. a small box of raisins or Smarties®). As you give stand against the devil’s schemes”) and verse 18
the treat to them, explain that if they have self- (“pray in the Spirit on all occasions”). The questions
control and do not eat it all at once, they will have for discussion can be used to enhance discussion.
some later for when they want some more. Leave it
at that and see what happens. As the day progresses, Key concepts
use it as an opportunity to talk about the benefits of When we lose self-control, we are like a city whose
having self-control. walls have been broken down. It is much easier for
Satan to tempt us to sin when we have lost self-
Questions for discussion control. To prevent this from happening, we need to
• When did you eat your candy? be ready for Satan’s attacks by wearing the “armour
of God.”
• Do you still have any left now?
Close by praying, asking God to give you his armour
• Do you wish that you still had some to eat now? to help you fight temptation to lose self-control
so you can keep the walls of your city intact. Also
• If you had chosen to eat it a little at a time, ask that you and your children will be able to resist
would you still have some now? temptation with the help of the Holy Spirit.

• Would it have been easier to save some for later Other ideas
if you had put it away or asked a parent to care If your children enjoy the “spiritual battle” theme,
for it for you? you can further the activity by making a complete set
of the armour of God for themselves, an animal or a
This exercise is applicable to any situation where doll. Duct tape, tin foil and cardboard can be used
we are tempted to lose self-control. Work with your creatively for this additional activity.
children to brainstorm situations where it is better
to remove yourself than stay where you are tempted Questions for discussion
to lose self-control. For example, do not sit beside • What do you think the pilgrims were protecting
a friend who you enjoy talking to when you are themselves from when they built wooden forts?
supposed to be quiet, or choose to leave a play area
when tempers are getting heated and you feel angry • What are we protecting ourselves from when we
with a friend. build snow forts?

Note: You may want to repeat this exercise at a later • In our spiritual lives whom are we trying to
date and see if your children approach it differently after protect ourselves from?
learning about self-control.
• When you think of temptation to do wrong
Like a city as “flaming arrows,” what kinds of arrows does
physical activity Satan shoot at you?
Visit a fort in your vicinity, if there is one. You can
also take a book out of the library on forts or build Relevant Scripture
a fort out of snow, blocks or cushions. Talk about Proverbs 25:28 “Like a city whose walls are broken
how those inside the fort are protected by the walls. down is a man who lacks self control.”

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 12 Self-control | Kids of Integrity
Ephesians 6:10-18 tell your children that if they speak politely, it is more
likely that someone will play cooperatively with them.
Praying and preying
getting into nature To extend the learning time, pretend you are animals
A careful study of the behaviour of preying animals hunting. Take turns being the hunter and the prey.
can teach your children a memorable lesson about Have fun sneaking up and pouncing on each other.
the value of self-control. Begin by asking your Then have your children role play some situations in
children to think of a time when an animal would life where they also need to use self-control in order
need to use self-control. Use these questions if to accomplish a task. Close your time with prayer.
you wish:

Questions for discussion Recommended resources

• Do you think only people need to use self- For a list of children’s stories that reinforce the theme
control or do animals have to as well? of this lesson, consult the home page for the self-
control lesson at Kidsofintegrity.com.
• Can you think of any animals that might need
self-control?

• Would these animals ever catch anything if they

just charged in on their prey?

• Are your parents more likely to give you what

you ask for if you have a temper tantrum or if
you ask politely?

• Will your friend play your game if you speak

gently and pleasantly or if you yell and whine?

Key concepts
Animals that stalk their prey need to use self-control.
Some examples include owls, cats, coyotes, and
wolves. If these animals charged their prey before
waiting for an opportune time, they would make a
ruckus and the prey would have time to get away. In
order to catch their prey, these animals must very
carefully sneak up on it. Even though they are close
enough to attack and they are very hungry, they
must use self-control and wait until exactly the right
moment to pounce or they will have no dinner. To be
good hunters these animals need a combination of
self-control and patience.

These animals can set a good example for us. Let

your children know when they are tempted to lose
self-control in order to get something they want, they
need to remember the wolf/cat/coyote. Remind your
children, if they expect to receive something they
need, they must use self-control. Prior to playtime,

© 2012 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. 13 Self-control | Kids of Integrity