Ephesians 5:21-33

Biblical Foundation for Marriage

THEO 4 – PRELIM NOTES

MALACHI – A call to return to God:

1. (Honoring God)
2. (Honoring Your Spouse)

The Crisis of Today

Divorce Rate:
 40% - 50% of all marriages will end up in divorce!
 This statistic is the same for Christians and non-Christians!
Why so bad?
 Lacking a foundation
 Lacking a role model
Ephesians 5:21-33
Ephesians 5:21
and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

What does this look like in a marriage relationship?

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself
being the Savior of the body. 
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in
everything.
 Wife’s role:  SUBMISSION

 The Divine Order: 

 Husband = head of wife
 As Christ = head of the church

 Different order  BUT  same worth!

  Submission doesn’t mean inferiority.  It simply means living in harmony with
God’s principle in Eph 5:21.

Cultural Background

 Jewish culture:  
the woman is treated as a “thing”, not a “person”.
 Greek culture: 
the woman is to run the home and care for the children, while the man finds
his pleasure elsewhere.
 Roman culture: 
the woman functions as a “slave” in the household.

Ephesians 5:21-33
25 Husbands, love your wives …
Therefore,
Husband’s role: LOVE
Ephesians 5:21-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any
such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

 Husband’s role: LOVE SACRIFICIALLY

 Giving up himself for her (v.25)
 Sanctifying her (v.26)
 Making her perfect (v.27)

 Wife’s Role = SUBMISSION

giving up oneself for the other
 Husband’s Role = LOVE
giving up oneself for the other
 BOTH living in harmony with Eph 5:21
“and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”
 WHAT FOR?

The ultimate goal: 

both become like Christ!

Gary Thomas: 
“what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”
The Biblical Foundation:
Marriage is a process of becoming like Christ by sacrificing for one another.
Looking for a role model
Is there an ideal marital love to learn from?

 God loving Israel

 Christ loving the Church

Some Suggestions for Married Couples

 Engage in a support group

 Seek out a mentoring couple

 Attend marriage seminars & conferences
 See a good Christian counselor
 RETURN TO GOD’S LOVE!

CHAPTER 1: Lesson 1
 EMERGING REALITIES

Marriage
 Commonly referred to as “settling down” (paglalagay sa tahimik)
 Both secular and sacred reality
 “natural human institution”
 Both a “contract” and a “covenant”
 Involves a DEEPLY personal affair between two persons in love
 Marriage is to attain stability in life, security and fulfillment in establishing a
family.
 God’s Plan
God created the first man and woman in His image and likeness. For
them He planned a life where sexuality, love, marriage and family were an
integrated part, revealed to them by God through their human experiences.

However, when sin came in, His plan for them became blurred.

God however did not abandon them because of their disobedience and weaknesses.
He redeemed them and all mankind from their fall and also restored marriage to its
original dignity.

A loving union of husband and wife, parents and children in community with
God.

MARRIAGE: A Profound Human Reality

1. A Human secular reality and a sacred reality.

It is something innate, natural, that comes from the deeper part of human beings that
make them want to marry and have a family.

Early Christians acknowledged marriage as a Mysterion  or a sacrament: “a sign of a

higher and sacred reality which entered salvation.”

2. A Divine and Human Institution

  Theological tradition considers marriage
as Officium naturae or a “duty of nature” because it is directed to the task of procreation.

It is natural because nature demands that human beings, by their given procreative
faculties should perpetuate or continue their species. St. Thomas Aquinas  says that it
 is natural for human beings: A man to establish a lasting relationship with a
particular woman. This excludes any promiscuous relations of either one with 
somebody else. That the couple chooses and accepts each other adds another
element to their union of love and life.

states that from God  comes the institution of marriage itself, together with its
ends, the laws that govern it, and the blessing that flow from it. Through the
generous surrender of his own person to another for life, and with the help and
cooperation of God, man becomes the author of this particular marriage. Thus it
takes three to make this divine and human institution happen: God, a man, and a
woman who are all in love with one another   
(CC 9).

3. A State and An Event

Marriage begins when a man and a woman give their lawful consent, accepting each
other as husband and wife.

After the exchange of vows and the wedding rites, life for the husband and wife
moves on. Thus, marriage becomes a continuous event, a lifelong process in which
the two attempts to fulfill God’s plan for them.

4. Contract and Covenant

A “contract” is an agreement entered into by two parties, or two persons, to do

something with each other. It is the agreement between a man and a woman to give
to, and to accept from the other, the exclusive and lifelong right to those bodily
functions that are directed to the begetting of children and sharing a life together.

Covenant a pact, an alliance or partnership that a man and a woman form to commit
themselves to a lifetime of togetherness for their own good, and for the procreation
and education of children.

This commitment is made out of love for each other. To the degree that “covenant is
a more apt definition of marriage than “contract”, so is the saying Pag-iisang dibdib
more meaningful than Pag-aasawa
 5. Personal and Communal

Marriage is a deeply personal affair between two persons in love. Yet it introduces the
couple not only to a human procreative community, but also to a greater community
affected by their marital life.

It can be observed that a couple within marriage cannot depend solely on

themselves. There is a communitarian and public dimension to the institution of
marriage.

Marriage needs the support of the community and civil society. Community laws are
necessary to protect the rights and privileges of the individuals within a marriage.

THEO 4 Lecture Note:   Marriage in the Gospels

Actually, there’s only a few of Jesus’ direct assertions/teachings about marriage and
sexuality
However, much can still be regarded as lessons on marriage and related matters as
found in the course of His ministry
 On Love and Marriage
 Wedding Feast in Cana
 Questions on Divorce
 Celibacy in the light of Marriage
 Jesus’ preaching on LOVE is more of general than specific to married
couples
 However, this same love to people in general should also the kind of love that
exists in marriage of two people

The Gospels on the matter of Love:

Christ preached about the love neighbors should have for one another. This is the
same love that exists, only in a greater degree, between a man and woman marrying
each other, and in their marriage. “ Love one another as I have loved you. No
greater love than that he lays down his life for a friend” ( Jn 15:12-14). Love calls
for fidelity, unconditional surrender and forgiveness in instances of failure  
  Jesus’ teaching on marriage is further and more extensively found in Mt. 19:3-11
 “…They are no longer two but one body… what God has united, man must
not divide…”
 No to divorce… Yes to permanence of marital union
 That’s when Pharisees came to ask Jesus about the validity of “divorce” as
practiced in the Old Testament.
 Marriage finds its redeeming value in Jesus as He brings it back in the original
plan of God
 Union in love
 Fruitfulness in procreative task

Two properties of marriage:

 Unity – excludes extra-marital relations or any form of polygamy
 Indissolubility – “no” to divorce and re-marriage
“If a man divorces his wife, except in case of porneia, Greek word for “immorality”
or “fornication”  i.e. (1) illicit sexual intercourse. a) adultery, fornication,
homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. b) sexual intercourse with
close relatives; Lev. 18).and then marries another, he is guilty of adultery.”  
Actually, Jesus was concerned with two related issues here.  Did Jesus therefore
provide an excuse for divorce, that is, fornication by the adultering wife?  But one
thing is for sure. Jesus was bringing back the covenantal character of marriage. That
of not divorcing the wife, except for fornication which was allowed in Jewish law
AND of marrying again.
Opposing groups have it one or the other. There’s no clear and straightforward
answer given the Jewish circumstance.
Yeah right! One that’s based on undying faithfulness between couples who are open
to forgiveness and reconciliation in times of failure and mistakes

On Celibacy:  It’s good to also understand “celibacy” as complementary concept in

the proper understanding of marriage
Celibacy is  the state of being single, choosing to totally give up marriage and family
life to commit oneself to Jesus and His mission.  While it’s oddly strange for man to
be unmarried in Jewish culture, Jesus presented an optional way of life. One that’s
not against marriage but complementary with it - CELIBACY
 With Jesus, original aspect of marriage has not only been brought back,
there’s a new dimension given to it
 Marriage is conferred a salvific meaning in God’s Kingdom
Marriage as a reflection of Jesus’ New Covenant with the Church vis-à-vis Old
Covenant between Yahweh and Israel

The Christian Dimensions of Marriage

Marriage  as a Contract has the following characteristics

 It signifies a permanent union
 It can only be entered by man and woman towards establishment of family
 Consent must be free and mutual
 Free consent is limited only to the question of whether to marry and
whom to marry, nothing else
 Consent is valid if there’s adequate knowledge and free decision
 Consent made by matured and stable couples must be IRREVOCABLE. Thus,
this bond is INDISSOLUBLE
 Permanent union
- the couple cannot decide for themselves that they want to be married for a
certain period of time only, neither  
                can they, in their own decision, dissolve the bond which they have entered
into.

Based on FAMILY CODE, Marriage is

 A special contract of permanent union between man and woman entered into
in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life.
 It is the foundation of the family and an inviolable social institution whose
nature, consequences, and incidents are governed by law and not subject to
stipulation by the spouses.” 
Pius XI says: “Matrimony was not instituted or restored by man but by God; not by
man were laws made to strengthen and confirm and elevate it, but by God, the
author of nature, and hence these laws cannot be subject to any human decrees or
any contrary pact even of the spouses themselves. The nature of matrimony is
entirely independent of the free will of man, so that if one has contracted matrimony,
he is thereby subject to its divinely constituted purpose and its essential properties. 

Only a man and a woman - for the establishment of a family by its nature, it is
ordained for the propagation of the human species which is possible only through a
lasting companionship between man and woman.   It is through the free, mutual act
of consent given by the human will that man and woman enter into the conjugal
union. This free consent is limited only to the question of whether to marry and
whom to marry. Beyond that the spouses are no longer free to tamper with its innate
purposes and properties.” 

Marriage as “A point of no return”

Consent between the man and woman to marry each other in the marriage rites
marks the beginning of the marital relationship. Consent, that human act by which
the partners mutually give themselves to each other, is the indispensable element
that makes the marriage“I take you to be my wife”, “I take you to be my husband”.
Only mature, capable human beings can make such an act because it flows from a
faculty exclusively and inherently in man; the faculty of the will responsible for free
choices and decisions, and especially on this occasion, the free decision of getting
into marriage:

Some factors affecting a person’s capacity to make decisions :

1. Lack of sufficient use of reason
2. Serious lack of judgmental discretion concerning the rights and duties of
marriage, which are to be mutually offered and accepted.
3. Serious psychic anomaly or condition that makes persons incapable of
fulfilling the essential obligations in 
marriage.
4. Ignorance, or lack of knowledge that marriage is permanent and through
some sexual cooperation ordained toward procreation and education of
children.
5. Error, that is wrong judgment concerning the person; fraud is perpetuated to
get a consent.

OBSTACLES THAT AFFECT THE EXERCISE OF A PERSON’S FREEDOM :

1. Force or coercion: The use of physical force to make someone  do something
against his/her will.
 2. Grave fear caused by someone/something outside the person, even when
afflicted unintentionally: The person does what the intimidator wants, not
what he/she wants. 

Marriage as a Covenant has the following characteristics:

 While contract focuses on “agreement” a covenant centers on persons in love.
 It is a love-covenant:    Traits include love, sacrifice, forgiveness and
faithfulness
 A sacred relationship involving three persons: husband, wife and God
 Enriches the values of marriage:
 Lastingness (demanded by nature of marital bond)
 Faithfulness and fruitfulness (by nature of conjugal love)
Marriage as a Covenant has the following ends:
 The good of the Spouses:   The love that unites the couple is not only a
prerequisite or motivating factor for marriage, but the soul of marriage
 The good of the children:    As marriage is naturally ordained towards
procreation and education, it is not really a matter of having as many children
but providing them with proper nurturing and guidance. Thus, responsible
parenthood.
Marriage as a Covenant has the essential properties:
1. Indissolubility or Permanence: Enriched by the Spouses’ Struggles for
Lastingness
 Permanence is not a matter of whether the couples should not dissolve,
but that, in fact, they cannot dissolve the marital bond
 It appears to be a cruel teaching. Taking into account the whole
meaning of marriage as covenant and sacrament, this requires
therefore a sacrificial and saving love.
 Marital bond is not merely permanence, the more dynamic term is
lastingness – a union that is growing, improving and enriching.
2. Openness to Fertility: Enriched by Fruitfulness in the Married Life
 Just as marriage is a partnership of “life and love”, it is seen then as a
“service of life”
 In its biological dimension, it is seen as the physical capacity of couples
to have children through sexual union
 Problem: sex acts which are not generative by nature and choice
are still procreative, because procreative meaning is not solely
fertility (fecundity) but ”openness to fertility” (fruitfulness) 
 This fruitfulness is not merely generation of children but extends to
their continuous upbringing (responsible parenthood)
 Even childless marriage is fruitful because the first fruit of
marriage is the growth of partners as persons.
Questions
“ With so many divorces these days, marriage seems to be pretty empty. So why do
you have to wait until marriage if you’re likely to get divorce?
 Because people who save sex before marriage are less likely to divorce. Most
separation stems from bad marriage decisions- deciding to marry someone
you shouldn’t marry. 
  Many of those bad decisions are fueled by the bond that comes from sexual
activity. Those who save sex for marriage and spend their single years
learning really to love tend to make better marriage decisions and to have
much stronger marriages.
 Many have been disillusioned with marriage. You’ve seen so many families
fall apart around that you, often it is difficult to believe that a marriage ever
works out. But ideally it can be better for you.
Note: If you concentrate on dating well, keep your standards high, save sex for
marriage, learn really to love and marry someone who can do the same, you will
enter marriage with the odds stacked in your favor

Marriage as a SACRAMENT has the following characteristics:

1. It has a sign-element
 The couple’s mutual gift and acceptance of each other (marital
consent).
 The “I do” to one another do not remain mere words. They signify a
lifetime and lifelong commitment.
2. It has the saving presence of Christ
 Jesus is indispensable in the marital relationship
3. It is a saving grace
 a.k.a “matrimonial grace” – provides strength and endurance for
couples especially in the most difficult times.
Just a note on “ratified and consummated” marriage arising from the notion of
indissolubility of marital bond
 “A valid marriage covenant, consummated by sexual intercourse is absolutely
indissoluble by any earthly power.”
 A marriage without consummation is only “ratified.” If with conjugal act,
“ratified and consummated”
While the Church permits “physical separation” between couples, they remain
however husband and wife, thus, not free to remarry.

Marriage as a CELEBRATION has the following characteristics:

1. Marriage in the Church is not a matter of choice. It is a requirement
2. The husband and wife are the ministers
 A public declaration of love commitment before Christ and Church
3. Important ways to renew covenant:
 At the table of a sacred meal (Holy Eucharist)
  Marital act of sexual intercourse

Marriage as a VOCATION has the following characteristics:

1. “Call by God to a closer union with Him and Church”
2. It is both a gift and a mission
3. It is a call towards “responsible parenthood”
4. It is a call to holiness because it’s not a blissful journey after all. The task of
parenting and marital union have sacrifices to endure. 
a. This suffering could be channel for redeeming grace for both partners
and a source of strength.