HellW Georgia

To UGA Advice
Column:
how to cope with the
fact you wasted the last

ith four years of your life

see page 34

Friday, November 18, 2022 • Vol. 108, No. 15 | Athens, Georgia | nique.net
President Morehead Opinion: how is Classes held
Send help! I’m Stetson Bennett’s
challenges President Georgia a blue in stadiums
stuck in the Red hands too small
Cabrera to tractor state when my to increase
and Black office! for NFL, per scout
race over USG budget team wears attendance
allocations (pg. 0) red (pg. idk) (pg. 🤣🤫😏😍 )
(pg. 145) (pg. 5’11”)

Herschel Walker up in runoff polls following

promise of vodka Gatorade on u[sic]ga sidelines
u[sic]ga student himself, Walker to even make it to the regional it really does not matter how the lent method of forgetting how
DIXIE NORMUS knows students priorities lie more round last season. new coolers affect them, resulting bad everything at this school but
GUY WHO WANTS TO KEEP POLITICS with their social drinking than ca- Men’s and women’s tennis have in lower increases in the polls for football is.
OUT OF SPORTS reer aspirations. This promise may been shining stars of the athletics Walker among the tennis fans on Walker’s promises could re-
win him the office though, and program, but since there is not a campus. ally help the athletes to stay on
With the announcement of a Walker has reaffirmed the prom- tailgating culture for the sport, If Walker is to be successful in par with the rest of the students’
runoff senate election, candidates ise will be his first push as senator. 99% of students do not know his campaign, it could be a huge drinking and ingrain a large part
are making swooping promises to Considering this could go into the tennis teams even exist. So if turning point for u[sic]ga teams of the university’s culture into the
sway the tide in their favor. Her- effect for spring sports, how will the students don’t know about it, and it could make for an excel- athletics program.
schel Walker, dismayed by Ath- each team be affected?
ens’ original democratic results, Basketball returned this fall
visited campus this past week to with plans to be even worse than
promise the legalization of vodka last year; however, nobody was
Gatorade for all u[sic]ga Athlet- barking louder at Walker’s cam-
ics’ teams. The news was met pus visit than the basketball team,
with resounding barking from as they now have a valid excuse
already intoxicated students and for looking like they forgot how
staff alike as it comes just in time to play their own sport.
to hype the football team up for The team will likely show no
next season as their undefeated improvement this season as it can
season will inevitably end when be expected that they won’t even
bigger brother Georgia Tech and remember how to win consider-
their interim head coach Brent ing the combination of the time it
Key come to town for the an- had been since they actually won a
nual Clean Old Fashioned Hate game and the vodka Gatorade on
matchup. Kirby Smart immedi- the sidelines.
ately expressed he would prefer Baseball looks to at least score
tequila over vodka, but, per usual, against Georgia Tech in Athens
Smart’s decision making sounded this year, but with the blind bat-
as though it would cost the team ting they already exhibit, it is hard
and the idea was shot down by to believe the addition of vodka to
President Morehead. their drinks will make it any bet-
In a University poll, support ter. Honestly, it is not even worth Photo by Cam Mara
for Walker boosted ten fold which assuming there will be any im- Herschel Walker, former u[sic]ga star and current Senate candidate, holds up the
is no surprise. Being a former provement as the team was lucky ingredients to the new concoction to be found on the sideline at all u[sic]ga sporting events.

Night of the Barking Dead makes its

campus debut in rare campus sighting
Some of the dogs even spoke couldn’t find anything worth- “They left like 30 minutes later mystery if I’ve ever heard one’”
JENNA TALIA about their reasons for coming while so he just left me alone.” empty-handed.” Cider said.
T. SWIFT CONCERT TICKET QUEUE back to life. Since all uga students Even after scouring all the bars “The aliens took me, but they While it was a scary time for
speak bulldog, the apocalypse was downtown (dogs after our own sent me back down. I’m not sure students, Uga X was happy to see
While everyone knows Oc- actually a time to learn about our hearts), none of the barking dead why. They asked to learn about his ancestors. Meeting the genera-
tober is the spooky month, this past. could find any brains to eat. All me and I spent the next 6 hours tions of mascots that came before
past spooky month was even more “Every time they put me in keeled over before the night was talking about my poultry science him was a life changing experi-
spooky when the nine former Ugas that dumb doghouse I couldn’t done and they all got thrown back classes. For some reason they ence for the bulldog, but before
broke out of their mausoleum and play with the football and I had into their crypts. threw me out after I started talk- he could tell us about it he over-
ravaged Athens as zombies. :0 to watch us choke all our games,” Students may be scared of an- ing about feed consistency, a true heated and died.
“I was pounding back shots in barked Uga 6. He passed away af- other zombie outbreak, but we
the bars late one night, when my ter supporting the team during a shouldn’t be too worried. This
eyes beheld an eerie sight,” said August game and overheating. time we remembered to shut the
Dicken Cider, my roommate’s Uga 1 also shared his thoughts door to the literal dog cemetery
sleazy boyfriend and witness to on what he wanted to fix in Ath- that is in our football stadium.
the barking dead. “For my Uga, ens, but we can’t repeat it here. That we acknowledge and interact
from his grave, began to rise, and He used lots of profanity, perhaps with.
suddenly to my surprise, he did taught to him by the student body. “Those damn good dawgs need
the monster mash.” Whatever the reason for re- to be damned to hell,” said Nias-
Ugas 1 through nine used to turning, Ugas I-IX were hungry suh Meerhet, a scared student.
be dead in their mausoleum in for brains after they revived. How- Other proud bulldogs echoed her
Sanford Stadium, but then they ever, their time back was short as sentiments and said the brush
came alive! Our dean of veteri- they could find no food to eat. with the zombies reminded them
nary medicine, Jacqueline Hoff, “Uga Seven started nibbling of another close encounter.
commented that “idk why they on my nog,” said Cider about his “I remember when the aliens
did that lol. Maybe they have fleas encounter with the zombie dogs. came to campus to look for intel-
lmao.” “It kinda tickled but I guess he ligent life,” Meerhet mentioned.
Noods
NEWS EDITOR:
Please help SOS THWg
Tater Tot
my professor just asked me to count to ten
im screaming crying throwing up4% Friday,
2
noods@nique. November 18, 2022

ANDY BORST
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
reotypes we agree are not as true
as they once were (Georgia stu-
UGA embraces rebrand to
“Hustlers University 4.0” after
dents aren’t necessarily drunken
For the hundred-somethingth rednecks nor are Tech students
time, we are excited to present necessarily nerdy introverts), it’s
the annual To Hell With Georgia not about the stereotypes.
Issue. Contained in these pages
you will find all manner of out-
landish, (hopefully) entertaining
and completely false material
Yes, the jokes contained
herein maintain the sordid tra-
dition of low blows in the form
of incest-, alcohol- and stupidity-
leak that Tate Student Center
we aspire to think up for every
THWuGA edition.
Beginning as a modest four-
related material. Is it fair to con-
tinue to perpetuate these false
stereotypes? Not necessarily.
was paid for by Andrew Tate
page paper, published on No- But, the most important as- “Tate’s just an enigma man, about like being fit and manly
vember 17th, 1911, the first issue pect of this annual issue is the BINGUS his mind just works at a differ- here at UGA,” Celle said. “Tate
of the Technique focused primari- tradition: the traditions we repeat ACADEMIC WEAPON ent wavelength than the rest said it’s a phallic symbol or some-
ly on the then-upcoming football year after year, the traditions that of us,” he added. “The libs just thing.”
game with Georgia. It’s from this hold campus together, and of “I mean he makes some good don’t like that he’s bringing Students seem to agree that
moment “the South’s Liveliest course, the tradition of Clean, points,” said uga student Inn masculinity back.” the rebranding came naturally to
College Newspaper,” began. Old Fashioned Hate. Celle when asked about the new “Men should be bigger and students, with enrollments rap-
As a tip of the hat to this So, as you flip through these changes. “Now that he owns the buffer than the twinks they are idly increasing in new majors like
“modest” start, the staff of the pages, remember the Good Word place I feel like he’s actually gonna now,” Celle added. “Like ... we “100% not a pyramid scheme”
Technique produced an issue (“To hell with georgia!”), and teach us stuff we need in the real used to go to war and like sure a and “Fleeing the Country due
dedicated to mocking Georgia’s what binds all Tech students to- world. I just think he’s really fun- lot of us died but at least we were to the Consequences of your Ac-
newspaper, The Red and Black. gether: our Good Old-Fashioned ny like I only agree with some of manly about it.” tions” skyrocketed overnight.
Though this issue relies on ste- Hate of our rivals up the road. his views and whatever.” On a tour of the newly reno- Tate’s future plans for the
“It’s all just satire,” Celle con- vated Tate student center, Celle school include forcing students to
tinued to say, turning around showed off the brand new addi- show off their brawn through oil
repeatedly to whistle at passing tions: a creatine bar and stripper wrestling in order to win a spot on
sorority girls. “I really don’t think pole. “I think the pole like really Tate’s famous podcast.
he’s a bad influence like at all.” just symbolizes how much we are Welcome to UGA, Top G!

pov: football school af

silver
hi mom it’s me?
acidentally madeout with uga, what do i do??
t swift said i can’t buy tix to eras tour bc my ACT score is too low
where is kirby smart at this current moment
tutor needed for college addition
Ugh my dad is so rude for not buying me a benz
this whole school is literally just business majors
My tractor broke down on the way to class #rip
athens supremacy!!
did you know the earth is flat not round
got a sinus infection from being in a barn for 6 hours
MUST BUY NEW COWBOY BOOTS
they’re not cowboy boots, just boots dingus ^^
ayo ??
Unfortunate events keep happening in Athens, is it a sign?
Metro Atlanta is so gross, I love my grungy college town
lol this is so silly
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
my prof is so rude for not rounding up my 32% to an A
// NOODS TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 3

Freshman party goes south after students

fall through dorm ceiling during event
thrill of the party school they had ally. A huge hole opened up in the previous week citing “horrible project for civil engineering stu-
ARTE FACT been promised. floor, sending three party-goers dorm conditions.” dents. u[sic]GA will have to seek
ASPIRING INSURANCE LAWYER The tiny room could barely tumbling down to the floor below. Upon further investigation, from other schools to assist in
handle the rapidly growing size of The residents below were not it was discovered that Creswell their rebuilding of the beloved
You could say they brought the party. in their room when this oc- had originally been built with dorm, as they lack any expertise
down the house — in the early Multiple students sustained curred, as they had moved out the hot glue and popsicle sticks as a in the topic.
hours of Nov. 12, a freshman head injuries from the low-lying
dorm party caused the ceiling to lofted dorm beds and stubbed
collapse, sending three students their toes on rusty nails sticking
crashing down from the fifth to out of the “rustic” furniture.
fourth floor of Creswell Hall. With so many people crowd-
The entire incident, which was ing into the room, party attend-
streamed live over freshman Alvin ees tried to open the windows,
Rover’s Instagram, has received only to realize the glass was ac-
over 5,000 views and raised con- tually saran wrap duct taped in
cerns about the structural integ- the window! Somehow, Excali-
rity of the dorm. bur and Sinclair had not noticed
The party began around 10 this entire year!
p.m. The freshman planning the By midnight, another Creswell
party, Rudolph Excalibur and resident on the floor contacted
Sneed Sinclair, admitted to The the on-duty Resident Assistant,
Red and Black that they did not Belly Button, requesting that
plan well for the party. they shut down the party and turn
Excalibur, TikTok studies off the David Guetta music that
major, said that they had simply had been blaring for several hours
intended for the party to be an in- at this point.
timate gathering of close friends. Upon arrival, Button, who was
They had planned to play Fort- having a bad day after failing his
nite, share the one seltzer they Introduction to Farming exam,
were able to scrounge for, and decided to join in on the festivities
place a few prank calls, as they of- instead of shutting it down and
ten do on Friday nights. enjoy an entire gallon of borg.
However, word quickly got According to bystanders, the
out about the gathering after Ex- gallon had mold growing on
calibur posted a TikTok of their it due to the damp conditions
elaborate gaming set-up. of the dorm, but Button was
By 11 p.m., dozens of freshmen not deterred and wanted to enjoy
living in Creswell began crowding his alcohol!
the dorm. Attendees grew restless Then, at approximately 1:30
as the night went on, seeking the a.m., it all crashed down — liter-

u[sic]ga voted so red, river bled across campus, “u[sic]ga voted so campaign. Students, faculty and However, it soon became ap- Unfortunately, those students
TETE red, river bled.” u[sic]ga’s student administration were hopeful that parent that the funds weren’t were charged reparations for their
JK ITS JAKE FROM STATE FARM body comprises primarily frat their football star would become enough to successfully dye the en- political views as they were clearly
boys who failed high school alge- a senator, giving the university the tirety of the river red. afflicting emotional distress on
The 2022 midterm elections bra, Georgia Tech rejects, daddy’s much needed fame it needed to Naturally, the university ad- their conservative peers.
were not successful in creating the money sorority girls, and the occa- compensate for its embarrassing, ministration, made up mostly of The reparations came in the
red wave that many Republican sional diversity admit. Naturally, yet predictable loss to Alabama in former u[sic]ga football players form of the students having to
lawmakers had hoped for. the political affiliation of the stu- the 2021 SEC championship. obsessed with Herschel Walker, both formally apologize to the
Instead, Georgia is heading dent body favors the Republican As an incentive to get their called upon their impeccable deci- student body and buying 90,000
into a runoff election for its Sen- Party. As if Athens wasn’t enough, civically unengaged student body sion making skills. bottles of red dye to dye the re-
ate seat and the GOP majority in u[sic]ga hoped to expand its foot- to go vote, u[sic]ga administration Since voter registration status mainder of the river.
the House is narrow. print to the rest of the country. promised students that it would is public information, the ad- The students’ scholarships were
Despite national trends, the red In order to achieve this great feat, spend the remainder of its liquid ministration made a list of the also revoked.
wave was certainly alive in Athens the university liquidated its $1.5 funds, a total of $3.77, on dyeing 4 students in the entire under- The river did indeed bleed red.
this November. In fact, according billion endowment and funneled the river associated with the River graduate student body register- The red wave, however, was no-
to the sentiment of many students it directly to Herschel Walker’s Basin Center the color red. ed as Democrats. where to be seen. #sadness

This is an actual picture of the red river following the dyeing ceremony. Many tears were shed. The river is indeed red and has remained red for many weeks. The wildlife died.
4 • November 18, 2022 • TO HELL WITH GEORGIA // NOODS

UGA student baffled they can’t fit circle peg into square hole
at first, it seemed to be an easy task. put Professors were baffled at the task that stu-
ANITA BONGHIT the peg in the hole, but that didn’t work. Why
dents had been set, as it was one they them-
REVEALER OF THINGS didn’t it work? WHY DIDNT IT WORK???????
selves could never dream of completing. Though
WHY DIDNT THE PEG FIT INTO THE
After spending years overhauling the Mechani-
HOLE???? ITS A CIRCLE PEG AND A SQUARE many had tried, many many had failed at the
cal Engineering program at the beautiful and
HOLE AND EVERYONE KNOWS CIRCLES ARE monumental task.
respected University of Georgia, professors were
SMALLER THAN SQUARES SO WHY ISNT
The professors were baffled that the new profes-
baffled to receive the following handwritten note
IT FITTING????
sor teaching ME 4001 had assigned such an ardu-
on all of their doors in reference to the new profes- This is going to haunt me for the rest of my

sor teaching ME 4001, a required laboratory class days. As we watched him show us how to do it, it ous task to poor seniors just trying to make the

for graduation: was as though he was using witchcraft to get it most of the rest of their college experience, and
professor, to work. I cannot even begin to try and explain
were instead forced to spend hours not being able
i hope you are well, because i am unfortunate- what he did in my letter, as it extends beyond
to make heads or tails of the task in front of them.
ly not. the lab activity that we have to do for our understanding of the universe as we know it.

ME 4001 to graduate turns out to be an im- i am writing to you from a place of desperation As the new professor explained to the Me-

possible task. after spending hours and hours and begging to make this pain stop and get us a chanical Engineering department that one simply
with my lab group trying to finish our assignment, reasonable lab activity so that we can go back
must put the circle peg in the circle hole, not
I have come to the conclusion that it simply to enjoying our fridays and enjoy the end of the
the square hole, all hell broke loose. In fact one
cannot be done. college experience that we have earned. We de-

we were given an absolute behemoth task, one serve to know the truth about this professor and might say that Georgia went to hell on that

of a scale I don’t even believe many professors the lies he is trying to profess to us. day, or at least its Mechanical Engineering depart-
would be capable of in fact. signed,
ment certainly did.
the mechanical engineering seniors of UGA

after a too-
challenging lab
activity lead to
a student gone
rogue, uga went
up in flames
in an act of
violent rebellion.
students
demanded the
right to put the
circle peg in the
square hole, their
very sanity at
stake. professors
had no choice but
to comply in the
face of tyranny.
Onions
ONIONS EDITOR: mullet man <3 THWuGA

“
”
If u lost ur pet pidgin /it’s dead
in front yard my Iowa farm
- Chuck Grassley
November 18, 2022
5
Friday,

OUR VIEWS | Consensus Opinion

The actual real city
a DAY IN THe life IN u(sic)GA of music: Athens, GA
this took lot of work. enjoy !
me. His words really resonate
CHAD BRAD CONNOR with the listener, especially when
I wake up. I am tired and I don’t want to get up, so I hit snooze on my PHD IN SICK BEATS Brad sings “Now there’s a chance
that if I hurry, I could beg her to
phone. I stay in bed for more time. Oh no! I am running late now. I get There isn’t one place in the stay, but that water’s right and the
up and consider my bathroom. Should I brush? I had planned to brush United States that has a music weather’s perfect.”
scene quite as beard-trimming That lyric brings genuine tears
and shower before class, but now I missed my 9 AM class. I will brush and boot-polishing as the music to my eyes. It’s been so hard to get
scene in good old Athens, Ga. As a good day of fishing recently with
and not shower. My friend used to skip brushing sometimes back in the you sit in the various American the weather all wonky. Don’t wor-
cuisine restaurants, you can hear ry, I don’t believe in all the global
COVID era because she wore a mask, but she wore it under her nose, the Jeep Wranglers rumbling by warming nonsense. Georgia is just
and we could all smell her breath anyways. I never wore a mask, so I and the swish of Lululemon leg- Georgia, and she is one fickle lady!
gings, all while digging into the I drove through Atlanta the
always brush my teeth. After brushing, I get dressed. I put on my best juicy American Dream. other day for the Braves game and
When you walk into Flana- just about lost my hat with the
outfit, a Kappa Kappa Kappa (Go Kappas!) hoodie and some Nike running gan’s on a Friday night out or even amount of bumping and scream-
shorts. I slip into my white Air Forces, dirty and torn from nights down- just walking past it after brunch ing I was subjected to.
with friends, you can hear Rob- The songs that were playing
town, and head out. I get in my Jeep. My Jeep is big, and Daddy bought ert Owens’ hit masterpiece, “I’m as I walked through Atlantic Sta-
in Love with My Sister” blasting tion for a meal at Yard House (an
it for me. I got all As, Bs, and Cs one semester and he was proud of his through the windows. American classic) after the game
If that isn’t one of the greatest ended, were by a certain Doja
little girl. I sweep my hair into a messy bun and go to class. musical compositions of the 60s, Cat whose music shocked and dis-
Once I get to class, I realize that I confused my classes again. I keep I don’t know what is! And if you gusted me.
disagree, you’re probably blue- The songs “Juicy” and “Need
forgetting that I am retaking Business 101 because I failed it three haired urban liberal filth listen- to Know” quite literally made my
ing to some newfangled noise like hairline recede even further back.
times. I keep trying to go to Business 102 and then am confused be- Fred Ocean or Taylor Swift. Children were walking around
cause I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything in 101 either. Maybe The best bar in Athens is un- that mall!
deniably General Beauregard’s. My experience at the bar scene
I will fail again. It’s okay though because Daddy said he will give me We don’t need these new artists that night was similarly heinous.
infiltrating our musical alcoholic One song was called “Nev-
an internship at his company this summer. I eat lunch at Chick-Fil-A haven. In fact, just last week they erita” by Bad Bunny, pronounced
were playing “I’m Gonna Miss “Never-right-ah” in case you were
because it is the best restaurant. After that, I study in the MLC, but Her (The Fishin’ Song)” by Brad wondering. I tried swinging my
I actually just flirt with the frat boys there. Last week, Brad Cooper Paisley. The bar felt like it was on hips to the music, but some wom-
fire with the way the ladies and en giggled at my attempts and
asked for my SnapChat and we have a 5-day streak now. After a full gentlemen were getting down to ruined my mood for the rest
that tune! The song itself depicts of the night.
day of work, I am tired. I go back home to rest. the deep struggle that us men face They also played the song
My roommate Seragh Lynn Reighleigh asks me to go to the Kappa day after day with these women. “Sicko Mode“ by Travis Scott
Brad croons a lovely ballad about but for some reason, the people
house with her and I say yes. The house is ginormous and beautiful. a woman threatening to leave him around me were shocked that I
if he goes fishing instead of spend- sang every single word.
It welcomes you in with the smell of vanilla candles and vodka. Today ing time with her. No one can deny that there is
I know if I was Brad, which co- no place like Athens. If you ever
is Friday so we are going to go drink. We pregame at home but we will incidentally is my middle name, I want to explore the real music
go to some bars. General Beauregard’s is my favorite because it is fun. sure would prefer a round of fish- scene, the Athens bar scene cannot
ing with the boys over being home disappoint. Frat Row is promis-
Our sister Jen Grace Ann Whitely is mad at me. She said I posted a with a woman. Women love me ing as well. You will undoubtedly
so getting a new one would be no get the real American experience,
bad picture with her. The picture had the filter that made us look tan problem anyways. and if you’re lucky, you might
and hot. I don’t know what her problem is. I saw Brad Downtown, but Regardless, that song really even find some friends to go
brings the girly emotions out of fishing with.
he didn’t talk to me. He kissed a random girl right in front of me. I was

Fish to Live.
really mad and threw my drink on him. After the night out, Brad unad-
ded me on SnapChat. I came home and did my night routine. I took a
shower and laid in bed and cried all night. I really thought he was the
one. Tomorrow will be a better day. Live to Fish.
The Consensus Onion reflects the majority opinion of the Editorial Board of THWg, but not Fish.
necessarily the opinions of individual editors.

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6 • November 18, 2022 • TO HELL WITH GEORGIA // OPINIONS

Horoscopes for the Dawgs

Aries — March 21-April 19
Today, try to go outside, Your friends and family say they miss you deeply, but you know deep down they don’t. You
chose this life, you chose to be a dawg. The thought of leaving campus scares you; you don’t fit in anywhere but on this
red and black campus, and for good reason. Rethink your life choices. Reconsider.

Taurus — April 20-May 20

You are cold – physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. I can’t really help you with the last three, but starting
fires has never made anyone colder. Some of the best kindling is paper – why do you think they burned so many books
– especially the very specific stock of paper they print the Red and Black on. Studies have shown that nothing burns as
fast as this very specific kind of paper, and who are you to disagree with science.
Do dogs have two arms and two
Gemini — May 21-June 20
Remember that anonymity may not always be as bulletproof as we think it is. Think twice before posting horny
legs, four legs, or four arms?
thoughts on Yik Yak because the universe is always watching. Take today to reconnect with yourself and realize that
maybe you shouldn’t have. You got this (maybe) and your future looks bright (possibly), but maybe lay off the anony-
mous websites.

Cancer — June 21-July 22

If you receive an email asking you to send them your password today, DO NOT SEND THEM THIS INFOR-
MATION. IT IS A SCAM. YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR FOOLISH
ACTIONS AND THEIR PHANTOM WILL FOLLOW YOU FOR DECADES. If you receive an email asking for
your password tomorrow, you should definitely send it – especially if a Nigerian prince is involved.

Leo — July 23-August 22

If you smell updog today, the question of what it is may land closer to home than you think. The rank smell of op-
portunity is often confused with the manure-like odor of failure, but remember that no wars were won without excret-
ing in trenches. Remember to take time off today to smell yourself and maybe invest in some deodorant; your natural
musk doesn’t smell as good as you may think it does.
GHOST OF UGA PAST #1
Virgo — August 23-September 22 EXPLOITATION OF THE POOR (BUSINESS)
Stop calling your ex drunk and saying you love them in a British accent. It was funny the first time. Weird the
second time, and hitting the third time, you’re definitely edging toward concerning behavior and possible restraining “Honestly, I don’t beleive in this new-
order. It’s okay to miss your ex, but it’s also okay to keep some thoughts to yourself. Take time to reflect on yourself and
consider what love truly means to you or maybe you should work on your British accent, either works. fangled terminology. Arms? Legs? All I
Libra — September 23-October 22
know about is good old hard work and
Do you like baked beans? Have you considered liking baked beans? We all die one day, so we may as well indulge in discipline. And maybe a little discrimi-
the luxurious richness of baked beans. With an impeccable smooth mouth feel and a delectably complex flavor profile,
baked beans are more than just food; they’re a lifestyle. They are the only correct way of life and if anyone dissents,
nation as a treat.”
remind them of their place.

Scorpio — October 23-November 21

You will die.

Sagittarius — November 22-December 21

Today, you should pet a rat. Nothing bad has ever happened to anyone who has tried to pet a rat ever. Rats most
definitely do not carry fleas and it’s even less likely that these non-existent fleas would carry disease. If anyone tries to
tell you about the Bubonic Plague, just tell them the horoscope column said it was okay. I know all after all.

Capricorn — December 22-January 19

Every moment in life is lived in between – in between milestones, minutes, seconds, events, relationships, or breaths.
If you think about it, we really exist between life and death. There is a beginning and an end, but so rarely do we exist
in them. Rather, we exist in the middle of it all. For the tiny, shattering moment we exist in the time continuum, we are
the center of our own world. Also, try getting your usual coffee order with a shot of espresso today. PRINT(“UGA”);
EXPLOITATION OF THE MASSES (CS)
Aquarius — January 20-February 18
Are you having a good day? Don’t. “Honestly, I see myself as having four
Pisces — February 19-March 20 arms beause I can code with all these
My mom is actually a Pisces, so I refuse to believe she shares a sign with anyone at U(sic)GA. Hope you’re having a bad boys. Nothing but binary search
good day mom!!
trees all day baby!”
YOUR VIEWS | Online Comments

Overheard at UGA

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. This biggity boy’s
a diggity dog.

Meet me at the hotel room. Meet me at the hotel room.

MR. WORLDWIDE
EXPLOITATION OF MINORITIES (POLISCI)
I don’t play football, but I’ve touched down everywhere “I have four legs because everyday
(Everywhere? Everywhere) is leg day. Between preying on third
world countries and taking notes on
how to cover up war crimes, I barely
You know the roof on fire. We gon’ boogie oogie oggie, have time to hit the gym. “
jiggle, wiggle and dance
// OPINIONS TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 7

Finding a place in Hell

This circle of Hell is punctuat- for those who commit violence
FIGMA BAWLS ed by being crushed by enormous against Art — may be the best
TECHNOLOGY EDITOR weights — possessions from their suited for them.
previous life — so the students Looking at the U(sic)GA fight
U(sic)GA has chosen (see: from U(sic)GA will be able to fit song, the U(sic)GA students may
forced) to move after repeated right in with their massive egos. even be able to get some tips for
complaints of their general exis- The fifth circle is Wrath, which improvement from the other souls
tence from the citizens in Athens. exists right in the swamp of the who have committed monstrosi-
When considering potential rank waters of the river Styx. ties against the humanities.
locations, U(sic)GA has been The inhabitants of this circle The eighth circle of Hell, or
greatly limited by the fact that spend the entirety of eternity Fraud, is also affectionately known
no one wants to be near them, struggling to escape the sluggish as Malebolge or “Evil ditches.”
but they have found an exciting waters of the rivers but are forever It may also be one of the
real estate opportunity in Dante’s cursed to remain underneath. best locations for U(sic)GA that
Nine Circles of Hell. This is similar to the eternal we’ve reviewed yet.
However, they have been deep- struggles of U(sic)GA students to The eighth circle of Hell is also
ly torn on which one circle would have a coherent thought or a mo- home to Bolegia 5, or corrupt
best fit them since so many of the ment of clarity. politicians, so it would be a great
already fit so well. Until then, the murky waters location for the alumni house.
U(sic)GA has all but ruled out of the river Styx may be one of the The ninth circle, Treachery,
the first circle of Hell, or Limbo. top contenders for the new home is also at the very center of
It just simply cannot even be- of U(sic)GA. the hellscape.
gin to replicate the agonizing ex- The sixth circle, or Heresy, is Said to being the furthest from
perience of being a bulldog. where the inhabitants are trapped the warmth and joy of the outside
The second circle of Hell, in flaming tombs. world, Dante describes the ninth
Lust, is punctuated by its windy While it may be a little bit on circle as the home to most “treach-
hell, and in the words of Dante the warmer side, the temperatures eries of the souls,” which may as
himself, it is a place “where no shouldn’t be too different from well be the motto for U(sic)GA.
thing gleams.” Athens (or any building on their With so many great options,
The immensely dull nature of campus). Moreover, the tombs it’s a wonder that U(sic)GA hasn’t
the U(sic)GAs students lends itself may be a welcome expansion on considered relocating to hellscape
wonderfully and they’ll be sure the current U(sic)GA dorm rooms. before. Personally, we’re big fans
to fit in with the many occupants The seventh circle of Hell exists of the eighth circle of hell. How-
who call this circle of Hell home. in three rings. ever, I also honestly think that
Another strong contender for I think that any of these rings any of these circles would be a vast
the location of U(sic)GA is the would be a wonderful future improvement to the existing cam-
third circle of Hell, or Gluttony. home for any U(sic)GA students, pus and a great help to the good
This circle is best known for its but Ring 3 — or the ring saved people of Athens.
deeply vile slush constantly cre-
ated by a ceaseless ice storm.
Dante describes it as “a
great storm of putrefaction”, so
U(sic)GA students will surely
feel right at home, and even be
able to contribute.
Gluttons in this circle are
constantly eaten and mauled by
Cerberus, or “the great worm” as
Dante calls him, so Uga will fi-
nally be able to spend some time
with a similar species.
The fourth option, and
one with some of the most
credit, is Greed.

technique
Join the

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Lafe
LIFE EDITOR:
Big Booty Joody IV Tough Times or tuwsday? THWuGA
ASSISTANT LIFE EDITOR: See paige 9 for new position inquiry. 49
!
8
d awgZ GO DAWGZ!
Yo Momma, Esquire Friday,
SlapHappyDawgz@yolo.net GO gO d AwGz!!!! November 18, 2022

UGA TO AWARD HERSHEL BBLs: An Epidemic in the Community

WALKER PHD BIG BOOTY JOODY IV
LIFE EDITOR
YA PAPPY
All over the world, the Brazilian Butt they said, “I don’t think you’re ready for etly under the cover of nightfall, little is
CONTRIBUTING WRITER Lift, affectionately known as the “BBL”, is this jelly?” Prophecy or curse? The lecture known about their motives — ulterior or
sweeping nations: the needles, the unsanc- series under this same title will begin next otherwise.
Amidst the countless cam- to honor Walker has to do with tioned trips to Mexico, the thrill of victory month as the university’s brightest share Many of them, undoubtedly to settle
paign posters, passionate candi- the former football star’s suspi- as they emerge as Kim K knock-offs and their thoughts. down and give life to the next generation.
date speeches and surge of red cious behavior towards President the agony of defeat when it all goes south- But the question remains, what would Surveying the u[sic]GA community,
and blue that come with election Jere Morehead after he referred booties on the floor, literally. drive these southern belles to these new they had this to say: A young BBL and
season, u[sic]GA has decided to to Walker as “that guy who As shocking as this turn of events may extremes: BBLs, butt injections, lip injec- Kardashia Kardashian look-alike herself
take a different route to show dropped out to plawy football.” sound, I regret to report that this is but tions, face injections, breast augmenta- confided, she enjoys the way it wiggles
their political support. Just last Recently, Walker took to a small segment of a larger phenomenon. tions, deep brown tans. and jiggles,even when she is standing still.
night, u[sic]GA’s political science Twitter in response to Morehead, And it is with great lamentation that These pressing issues are currently Even as this humble reporter writes
department announced that it telling him to “watch his back” I report that u[sic]GA is at the center of being researched by top doctors and psy- from her cramped dorm, she hears the
this tragedy, so it is without pause and chologists in the field as they scramble to earth quake and the ground tremble un-
would be awarding the Republican before reaching the 280 char- with heavy heart that we present to you, find the cure for the community’s latest der the tremendous weight of the BBLs as
candidate for Senate, Herschel acter limit and quickly shifting Girls in Disguise: An Epidemic in the blunder. they mercilessly pound the pavement in
Walker, with an honorary PhD in to Instagram comments under Community. Morphing like Decepticons in their search of the nearest party and the cheap-
Political Science. UGA’s official Instagram handle My fellow UGAs did not want word to final battle and slipping out not-so-qui- est booze.
“It wasn’t an easy decision @ugaforrealz. spread, however, I could no longer watch
because we were really debating Since the incident, there have my campus suffer in silence, so I did the
between honoring Mr. Walker been limited sightings of the unthinkable: I betrayed the Red and Black
with a PhD or just hiring him president who is usually seen and came to the Technique, The South’s
as a professor. But in the end, we’d parading around UGA’s campus, Liveliest Newspaper since 1911, as I knew
printed out more diplomas than looking for students to recruit for they were the only ones brave enough to
we had graduating PhD students, the football team. His office has break the story. I have chosen to use a
pseudonym for fear of retaliation.
so we decided to give him one been painted black with a sign Aesthetic and identity crises aside, the
of the extras,” said Dr. Billy that reads “President Morehead most imminent threat the BBLs pose is
Joel, Assistant Professor of Geor- is NOT here” displayed on the to campus infrastructure. Craters in the
gia Studies. front door. If reports are true, sidewalks as the concrete can no longer
A hooding ceremony will be he has barricaded himself in one support their immense weight, entire bus-
held on Nov. 31, and all students, of the institute’s very few li- es capsizing from the presence of one BBL.
faculty and staff will be required braries where he knows he will Just last week, a campus bus was delayed
to attend. Students can request not be found. indefinitely as one unfortunate BBL be-
an excused absence slip by sending Fortunately, President More- came trapped- wedged between the doors
a selfie of themselves at a party head’s secretary has assured con- as her apparent “prize and glory” was too
to the Dean of Student Absences. cerned students and staff that large to make it through. u[sic]GA Policy
Department (UGAPD) reported they la-
According to Dave Poll, u[sic] there is nothing to worry about bored around the clock, blazing through
GA’s unofficial coordinator for as the President is safe and is just dozens of sticks of butter in attempt to
recreational events, this event taking one of his weekly school- free the distressed young woman, but it
will differ from a traditional sponsored vacations. was to no avail- surgeons had to be called
hooding ceremony in order to “President Morehead isn’t in to remove both cheeks. Leading the
properly honor Walker for his some scaredy-cat who’s going to u[sic]GA depertment of philosophy to
contributions to the university. run away the second some hoo- pose the groundbreaking question: was
“So what I’m thinking is that ligan threatens him on the world this what Destiny’s Child meant when
we have the audience all wear wide web. He’s just taking a little
red and black sweatshirts with break because running a school
hoods to really channel that with this much academic and We be like... interrupting this regular edition?
red and black energy because we
really want Mr. Walker to feel
athletic potential is hard work.
As for that bright man, Herschel of the Wred n’ BlaK? for this important message:
go DAWGZ!!!! HAWT DIGGIDY DAWG! gO dAwGs! Yippie-Kai-YAY dawgz!!! Go
like he’s at home, you know? For Walker, he truly deserves the
the actual ceremony, we’re gonna recognition that he is getting. DaWgZ!!!!!! DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!! hot DAWG you seen them dawgz??!!!!
attach his diploma to a football You young people are just look- YEEEEEEEEEE- WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!! gO dAw-
and have one of our amazing ing for an excuse to stir up drama Gz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! git along little DAWGGY!! releese thuh hounds? HAW HAW how bout
players throw it to him from so you can upload photos to your release them DAWGS!!! HAW HAW! See what i ded there?? DAWGS! hot DAWG!!!! hot
across the field. He played for the FaceGram and InstaBook — so
best football team on the planet, shameful.” DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! gotta love them DAWGZ!! gO

DAWG
so I bet he’ll have no problem For now, the ceremony is dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ! Go daW-
gZ! gO dAwgZ! go DAWGZ!!!! HAWT DIGGIDY ! gO dAwGs! Yippie-Kai-YAY
catching it,” Blank said. scheduled to proceed as planned, dawgz!!! Go DaWgZ!!!!!! DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!! hot DAWG you seen them
Several members of the UGA although attendees are still un- dawgz??!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE- WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!!
student body are happy with the sure if the president will make an gO dAwGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! git along little DAWGGY!!hot DAWG!!!! hot DAWG!!! hot
decision to honor Walker, viewing appearance. DAWG!!!we sure can’t read, but GO DAWGS!! hot DAWG!!! gotta love them DAWGZ!!
him as an inspiration to fellow When asked if he would like gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ! Go
Bulldogs everywhere. to comment on his recent actions daWgZ! gO dAwgZ! AWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!! hot DAWG you seen them daw-
“Getting a PhD is like being in and relationship with the presi- gz??!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE- WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!!
school for like twenty years, so dent, Walker refused to comment gO dAwGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! git along little DAWGGY!!hot DAWG!!!! hot DAWG!!! hot
the fact that he was able to get and instead balled up his fists, DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! gotta love them DAWGZ!! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs!
one without doing that is like so moving them in a punch-like mo- gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ! Go daWgZ! gO dAwgZ! DAWGS
cool to me,” greek life studies ma- tion and growled like a bulldog. DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!! hot DAWG you seen them dawgz??!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE-
jor Emma Smithereens said. WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!!
GO DAWGZ!! git along little DAWGGY!!hot DAWG!!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!!
However, there have been al-
legations that the sudden decision hot DAWG!!! gotta love them DAWGZ!! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go
dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ! Go daWgZ! gO dAwgZ! AWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAW-
GS!!!!! hot DAWG you seen them dawgz??!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE- WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAw-
Gz!!!! gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! git along little DAWGGY!!hot
DAWG!!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! gotta love them
DAWGZ!! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ!
Go daWgZ! gO dAwgZ!
hot DAWG!!! gotta love them DAWGZ!! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go
dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ! Go daWgZ! gO dAwgZ! HAWT DIGGIDY ! gO DAWG
dAwGs! Yippie-Kai-YAY dawgz!!! Go DaWgZ!!!!!! DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!!
hot DAWG you seen them dawgz??!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE- WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAwGz!!!!
gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! git along little DAWGGY!!hot
DAWG!!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!!we sure can’t read, but GO DAWGS!! hot
DAWG!!! gotta love them DAWGZ!! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go daw-
gZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ! Go daWgZ! gO dAwgZ! AWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!!
hot DAWG you seen them dawgz??!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE- WHOOOOO DAWGZ!!!!! gO dAwGz!!!!
gO daWGz!!!! gO dAWGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! gO dAwGz!!!! git along little DAWGGY!!hot
DAWG!!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! hot DAWG!!! gotta love them
DAWGZ!! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! gO dAWgs! Go dawgZ! Go dawgZ! Go dawGZ!
Go daWgZ! gO dAwgZ! DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS!!!!! hot DAWG you seen them
// LAFE TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 9

MCDONALD’S IS HIRING
Consistently producing gradu- across Tinder, Bumble, Grinder, and
ates with some of the lowest salaries Hinge getting an initial pool ready for
after graduation, going to u(sic)ga is 2023 grads.
one of the worst financial decisions one McDonalds has also reached out
could make. with a list he would like to advertise to
As such, Dr. McDonalds, the all you dawgs. His top 5 ways to make
dean of students, is working like a dog money after university in no particular
to increase after-graduation salaries. order:
Students have spotted him with
a cardboard sign on the corner of South 1. Seduce Alum
Lumpkin and Cedar begging for change. They may be just as broke as
“Taking inspiration from ‘Squid you, however, as long as you get them
Games,’ I hope to televise an inter-stu- old enough they will no longer count to-
dent competition where they fight for wards our exit salaries.
a pot of money that will hopefully and So put on your best gameday fit; find
meaningfully boost everyone’s salary,” the most decrepit and belligerent tail-
said McDonalds while he was taking a gater, the larger the beer belly the bet-
break. ter; and work your charm.
“I unfortunately have been de- 2. Cheat and Lie
nied by all donors so I am on the streets “How do you think I got my job,”
hoping to get this pool started,” McDon- said McDonalds.
alds shared. It’s not that hard. Just do it.
Knowing that over 85% of 100% success rate.
u[(sic])ga graduates eventually come 3. Work for the Red & Black
back to work for u[(sic])ga, McDonalds To be honest, we are a second-
is working to increase the salaries of rate tabloid. As long as you can smack a
entry-position roles. keyboard you meet our requirements.
USG, like boosters, has denied 4. Working at any Minimum
funding to his “insane proposals” as Wage Job
stated in a recent USG press release. Any job is a job. If it pays it helps
He has reassured the Red & our abysmal number. Survival skills
Black that he will not give up. He is tire- activate! What’s a man without his el-
lessly working to set up all entry-level bow grease?! gO DaWgZ!!
staff with a sugar daddy or mommy. 5. Civil War Reenactor
He has several catfish accounts Hey, you fit the bill.
To H
wi
geor
This space provided as a
HELL
ith
rgia!
a public service by the Technique
Technique.
 ETNERTAINTMENT EDITORS: THWuGA

etnertaintment
bingus & bongus
ASSISTANT ETNERTAINTMENT EDITOR:
Uggggggggggggggggga
12
Friday,
yomamma@nique.net November 18, 2022

your future husband is closer than you think ;)

DISGRACED PTA MOM in college addition class man is feeling blue, like God works for the good of other species, the cows!
I FOUNDED A PYRAMID SCHEME! tutoring, and let me tell “You belong anywhere you those who love him, who They may not be able to
Hey UGA girlies!! y’all I have been happy as want” or “It’s not just one have been called according spell, but they respect our
If y’all are anything like a duck ever since. body part going into an- to his purpose. day of rest and, heck, my

Get ready for

me when I was freshly But, I know how stress- other body part.” Song of Solomon 4:5: husband loves their chick-

naming your
legal, you are probably ful it can be to find a man, Your two breasts are like en more than mine.
thinking about finding which is why I have a few two fawns, twins of a When Braxton calls me

daughters
a man and getting your tips for any of y’all who are gazelle that feed among a cow, it’s got layers to it..

What would
by adding do NOT date
“Mrs.” degree. I was all looking for “the one.” the lilies. right?

Tami do?
about getting that ring be-

someone who isnt

consonants
fore spring, and when all

ready to marry
to everyday
my friends were getting

and settle on
hitched while I was just a We all know that we are

words! down!
twenty year-old spinster, I second place in our man’s I know it can be so easy
reckon I was madder than hearts and that first place to take dating too seri-
a wet hen. goes to football. If y’all ously and to focus on the
Now, I am here to tell are struggling with that, I actualeigh starghted Braxton Hicks was so end goal of finding your
you not to worry your maybe you can learn a lit- doing thyis wheyn I was excited to get down to forever. So remember, to
pretty little heads about tle from the queen of foot- eighteighn aynd I haven’t business and I knew he enjoy y’allselves!
finding your Mr. Perfect. ball wives, Tami Taylor gawn baighck! was going to be because of If you are looking to
He will come to you when from Friday Night Lights. this one easy trick. Test his spice things up, look to the

consult the
the time is right. I found She’s always got the per- preparedness for marriage internet for inspo! TikTok

BIBLE when
my hubby Braxton Hicks fect thing to say when her by carrying plastic baby is going off about some-

necessary!
dolls in your Lululemon thing called soaking? It’s
waist belt and launch- the best part of my weekly
ing them at him without pedicures, so I understand
warning. If he catches the the appeal.
baby, he is ready for father- Braxton Hicks also
If I had a nickel for ev-
hood. This does not work likes it because I’m out of
ery time I had a question
as well with real babies. the house so he can hang
that the Bible did not an-
Raugh Bertie Leigh is in out with his boys around
swer, let’s just say I could

have the
His hands now. the grill.
not afford my McMansion
Well girls, that’s all I’ve

grammar of a
in Peachtree City. I listed
got for now, but thank
a few of my favorite verses

chick-fil a cow
y’all so much for reading.
to get y’all started, but it is
As Tami Taylor always
so important to find some
says, “my mother used to
quotes that really resonate
tell me that I was gonna
with you.
go to hell if a guy ever
Philippians 4:13: I Now ladies, we all know
even touched me. And you
can do everything that our men like to feel
know that didn’t work.”
through Him who gives powerful. Make sure he

- Disgraced PTA Mom

me strength. feels secure in his mas-
Photo courtesy of Covfefe’s mom Romans 8:28: And we culinity by taking a note
Don’t be afraid to make a vision board y’all! There are just so
many gorgeous names out there to put your Southern spin on! know that in all things from our sisters from an-
// ETNERTAINTMENT TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 13

Steamy Excerpts: “A Tale of Two Mascots”

SEDUK TRESS & BONKY Hairy Dwag had been so caught cause he knew better — Georgia ginning. Since I was a larva and “And you couldn’t even LAND A
PH.D. IN FAN FIKSHON & up in his thoughts he hadn’t even Tech led u[sic]GA in every metric you were a puppy.” SINGLE BACKFLIP!! YOU’RE
PULL-IN-HER PRIZE WINNER realized the Yellow Jackets had al- on the scoreboard, and it was ob- Hairy Dwag’s ears shot up. LUCKY IF YOU DON’T LAND
Dr. Seduk Tress, Ph.D. in Fan ready scored another touchdown, vious that Tech had the best of ev- “Really?” IN A POUND AFT-”
Fikshon and new campus legend, bringing the score to 28-3. erything, including mascot. Buzz replied, “Yes. I never BOOM.
is back with an absolute page- Buzz immobilized Hairy brought it up because I never “What happened, where am
turner. Her latest novel “A Tale 3: THE TUNNEL’S EMBRACE Dwag by straddling his chest. thought you’d be into me the way I?” thought Dwag as he regained
of Two Mascots,” is an alleged It was halftime, and the foot- Fans cheered loudly as they saw I’m into you. Our fans would his bearings. Thud .. Thud ..
biopic recounting a forbidden love ball players and coaches had ex- Buzz winning on the big screen. never let us though.” “Am I dead? Who is this an-
story. ited the field. It was time for Buzz Hairy Dwag wasn’t able to move, Hairy Dwag didn’t know what gel in front of me?” ThudThud..
Heavily influenced by and Hairy Dwag to act out clean not just because he was pinned came over him — one second he ThudThud “Black.Yellow.
“Romeo and Juliet” and old-fashioned hate in the middle down, but because he kept getting was on the ground, and the next, Black. I know that perfectly
other Wattpad classics, of the field, in front of 92,000 lost in those bright orbs looking he was on his feet and his lips were bouncy stinger and those shin-
this enemies-to-lovers nov- screaming fans — some barking, back at him with determination. on Buzz’s lips and his slobbery ing orbs.” ThudThudThudThud.
el has become an instant some being regular humans and “Are you okay?” Buzz asked tongue was laying sloppy kisses “Buzz my love! You have come for
cult classic. cheering Buzz on. Hairy Dwag as he struggled under all over Buzz’s mandibles. Just as me!”
This story follows Buzz and “So we meet again, Hairy,” his powerful grip. Was there a hint quick, Buzz’s tongue snaked its Buzz, atop his mighty steed,
Hairy Dwag as they navigate a said Buzz, attempting to mask his of concern in the yellow jacket’s way out of his mouth and into the Ramblin Reck, had swiftly
complex long-distance rivalry. lust. “Ready to lose again?” voice? Hairy Dwag’s, their tongues taken care of the whole u[sic]GA
Read to see their relationship “You’re going down,” snarled Hairy Dwag grimaced as he fighting for dominance in a tangle team and whisked Hairy Dwag
blossom from clean, old-fashioned Hairy, hoping he was still alpha grunted, “Fine,” and with a show of limbs and wings in a tiny stor- away. Lit by moonlight, Dwag
hate into true love. Or so it seems in Buzz’s eyes. But deep down, of force and an assertive thrust age closet. went to pull Buzz into a steamy
… Dr. Tress has graciously given he knew he wasn’t top dog. Hairy of his hips, launched Buzz off of A whistle interrupted their ac- embrace on the moist Dooley
us permission to publish three Dwag shook his shoulders and him. Buzz recovered, and began tions. Hurriedly, they cleaned up Field. He felt the soft touch of
chapter excerpts from the bestsell- squared up at the center of the 50- running right at Hairy Dwag. and returned to their posts on the Buzz’s gloved hands and the taste
ing novel, and we hope you enjoy yard line. Hairy Dwag picked up on the field. Buzz did a flip. of his warm lips — and just as
reading ;) Buzz did the same, and signal to run, and pretended to be quickly, he was on the ground un-
a whistle commenced a scuffle frightened as he ran off into the 5: A SUDDEN ENCOUNTER der Buzz’s Adidas sneakers.
1: FLIPPIN’ OUT between the mascots with an in- tunnel back towards the locker After a demanding Tech win, “What’s going on Buzz?” ex-
Buzz glanced across the field at tensity never before seen in the rooms. He could hear cheers from Hairy Dwag and Buzz snuck in claimed Dwag.
the hulking figure doing jumping history of the rivalry. Concerned the stadium as the band took the a last glance at each other before He was met with silence that
jacks a hundred yards away on the fans gripped the stands in awe, field. starting the journey to their re- lasted what felt like an eternity.
opposite side of Bobby Dodd Sta- and their handlers glanced around To his surprise, Buzz followed spective locker rooms. Click. All of the stars were washed
dium. His big muscles glistened worriedly. Were they going too far? him into the tunnel and pulled Dwag was on cloud nine. He away with the floodlights in San-
in the harsh noon sun, and Buzz At first, Hairy Dwag’s sinewy him into a storage closet off the could not believe his luck, he ford. News reporters as far as
couldn’t help but imagine those frame easily overpowered Buzz’s beaten path. was with the yellow jacket of his Dwag could see.
brawny arms around him. lithe form. Buzz landed on his “What are you doin—” Hairy dreams. Unable to contain his ex- “What is happening honey?”
A cheerleader’s voice interrupt- back, and had the wind knocked Dwag began shouting, only to citement, he clumsily skipped all Dwag pleaded.
ed his daydreaming — “Buzz, out of him. Dwag and his massive have Buzz’s hands clap over his the way back to the locker room, Buzz cocked his head and
what are you looking at? Do some chest collided with Buzz. mouth. hoping to release the tension he stared into Dwag’s soul. “Aww are
more flips!” “Can’t… Breathe…” “We need to talk,” said Buzz. had been building all game. you calling me honey now? I know
“Crap, I got caught,” Buzz Buzz gasped, Dwag’s weight “What’s going on? You were so Unexpectedly getting choked, I am sweet but Dwag please, we
thought to himself as he hurriedly pressed against his lungs weird out there!” Dwag couldn’t even think, are just friends.”
executed a flip, landing it with and windpipe. Hairy Dwag was silent, so but he didn’t need to think to “I hope you all enjoyed
ease. Dwag almost immediately Buzz asked again, but kinder this know he enjoyed this feeling. As your stay, I know I did! I
Buzz forgot all about Hairy jumped off, partly out of con- time. “Are you good?” the fog cleared, all this ecstasy just couldn’t get enough of
Dwag as cheers ensued from the cern for Buzz, partly because he Hairy Dwag burst out, quickly turned into fear, for he this good ol’ fashion hate
student section of Bobby Dodd didn’t want another manslaughter on the verge of tears, shout- was face-to-face with the whole so we came back for round
as the Yellow Jackets scored yet charge, and partly because he had ing that he didn’t know football team. two. Good night and Go
another touchdown, bringing the to… uh… “readjust.” what was going on with him and “What are you so happy about, Jackets!” Buzz clarified to the
score to 21-3, Georgia Tech in He didn’t think he’d get so he didn’t know why he felt like stupid Dwag?” yelled an un- journalists.
the lead. He climbed up into the worked up over just being on top this. “I think I really like you, known voice. As he walked towards his ride,
student section only to crowdsurf of Buzz but he didn’t have much Buzz, I don’t know what to do Hairy Dwag lost all his swag- he helped up Dwag in an act of
right back down. Unbeknownst to time to ponder the situation as about it!” moaned Hairy Dwag, ger in an instant, tail tucked be- good sportsmanship and pulled
him though, he was being watched Buzz leapt onto his feet and feint- collapsing to the ground. tween his legs. All he wanted to him close. “Did you really think
by more than just humans. ed with a jab. Buzz seemed to al- Buzz looked down at the sorry do was curl up into Buzz’s warm a Yellow Jacket like me could ever
Hairy Dwag was having trou- most fly, jumping so high in the mutt. Hairy Dwag looked at him embrace. love bulldog scum like you? As if!
ble focusing on the opposite end air Hairy Dawg didn’t even see with puppy-dwag eyes, tears visibly “What’s the point of having You are as dense as your student
of the field — he hadn’t been able him coming until it was too late. welling up. “I’m sorry if a mascot that can’t even cheer? body. I did what I needed to do
to land a single flip in practice the Buzz landed on top of Hairy this makes things weird between Seems like someone was getting to win.” Buzz purred into his ears.
two nights before, stressing about Dwag, pinned him to the ground us. I know we’re just acting out distracted while we were out there Dwag crumbled, like every
being on the spot in Buzz’s home and gazed deep into his eyes, there but I want to be with you.” drowning in a sea of white and bridge built by a u[sic]GA engi-
territory. God, Buzz was so sexy, which had flecks of gold in them, After what felt like an eterni- gold. You’ve been off since half- neer. Through the tears streaming
with that perfectly bouncy stinger reminiscent of Georgia Tech’s ty for Hairy Dwag, Buzz finally time, heck, since we’ve stepped down his face, he saw Buzz flutter
and those orbs that seemed to look colors. “Maybe we had more in spoke. onto the field. This was our year, away with the Reck. Dwag took
right into your heart and soul. common than different,” thought “I… I don’t know what to say. we could’ve had it all, and now one last look at Buzz. Til’ next year
Hairy Dwag was tired, too. Buzz for a second before he quick- Hairy Dwag, I’ve always had a it’s ruined, and our dreams have my fiercest enemy and even fiercer
He hadn’t gotten much sleep the ly snapped himself out of it, be- thing for you, from the very be- gone up in flames,” Kirby yelled, lover.
night before, choosing to spend
his night scrolling through Buzz’s
Instagram. Hairy Dwag couldn’t
believe how much better Buzz’s so-
cial media presence was. Perfectly
captioned thirst trap after thirst
trap, and of course, the highlights
with his amazing dance moves in
video form, available for him to
view over and over again.
Nights like these were so tough
for Hairy Dwag, especially since
he knew he couldn’t do anything
about it. As he scrolled through
the night, Hairy Dwag felt some-
thing stirring under his maroon
sheets between his hind legs. He
couldn’t help but imagine what
Buzz and Hairy Dwag could
do together if they were
ever toge—
“More flips, Hairy! How do
you expect us to score any more
touchdowns if our mascot is just
standing there?” a u(sic)GA foot-
ball player growled as he clapped
his hand on Hairy Dwag’s back,
snapping him back to reality. Hairy Dwag watches as Buzz leaves Sanford Stadium a hero in the Reck. Buzz did so many flips, Hairy Dwag did none.
14 • November 18, 2022 • TO HELL WITH GEORGIA // ETNERTAINTMENT
// ETNERTAINTMENT TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 15

The university of Georgia to Start Serving

Alcohol in Response to Student Dietary Needs
the proper licenses to be able to sumption and cognitive ability, or He explains that their team reports. The dining hall bars
SUE DOH NIM distribute alcohol. To this, he as he refers to it “thinking after was able to assuage the concerns are even slated to have a UGA-
SENIOR DIRECTOR OF BING CHILLING responded, “Why would we do drinking.” with an experiment examining themed cocktail, though another
that? We have more than enough The young man says the board what happens when students get source was adamant that whatever
University of Georgia Dining wealthy parents willing to pay was originally concerned about extremely drunk before taking its name is will be “much more
Services released an announce- for any fines we might get.” The the idea of bringing alcohol to the an exam, “As you can see on this creative than a Salty “Dawg” or
ment earlier this week proudly university is reportedly paying the dining halls because of a study graph, our test scores go up sig- a Drunk Uncle,” they claimed
proclaiming that the dining halls man a salary higher than that of done by American Addiction nificantly when alcohol is added while crossing out something in
would now be serving alcohol* the president in order to ensure Centers. as a factor.” he says, presumedly their notebook.
every day of the week (yes, even the “alcoholism” pillar of UGA’s “Something was clearly wrong not realizing that he is holding the Several random students were
on Sundays before noon). “They’re values does not go unrepresented. with the study, though,” he ex- graph upside down. stopped throughout campus to
all technically adults. 18, 21, The Red and Black decided to plains, “It said that long-term At this time. UGA Dining Ser- answer some questions regarding
that’s like - what - 2 years? That speak with some of the scientists heavy drinking could lead to vices is in the process of training their opinions of the incoming
shouldn’t matter” declares Bud who convinced the university to something called “Were Nick- dining hall staff to mix and serve dining hall offerings.
Saylez, the man hired to oversee green-light the project. Inside the Coors suck off syndrome” [Wer- drinks, from cans of beer to top- The responses were overall rela-
the new additions to the dining Bioexpression and Fermentation nicke-Korsakoff syndrome] or shelf liquor. tively positive. Many students are
halls. Facility (BFF) on the Athens cam- something like that? But that’s “The school has already re- excited to “finally” take up day
Cruelly nicknamed “Lite” by pus, an undergraduate researcher just the official name for “wet ceived large donations from vari- drinking and even more are look-
a student body with no respect in an unbuttoned lab coat and brain” and how bad can that be? ous state government officials to ing forward to not having to pay
for faculty, Saylez was asked tinted safety goggles reads the re- Your brain is inside your body make sure that the students are for their own alcohol anymore.
whether the university has sought sults of a report on alcohol con- dude, it’s always wet.” drinking quality stuff,” one source Not everyone is one hun-
dred percent on board
with the project though.
Many bars surrounding the
campus are anxious to see what
impact UGA-sponsored alcohol
has on their business, as half of
its patrons are underage college
students and the other half are
of-age college students, with the
occasional alumnus-whose-only-
personality-trait-is-going-to-UGA
from time to time.
The only establish-
ment not feeling overly
worried is the bar fondly known as
Church. “Think about it, what is
going to make an oblivious parent
happier? That their student
is at the dining hall? Or
that their student is at
church?” Sister Louisa, the
owner of the place says
with confidence. She might just
be right.
The first drinks of the Univer-
sity of Georgia dining halls are
scheduled to be available before
Thanksgiving break, allowing
students ample time to get wasted
with each other before going home
to get wasted with their families.
*alcohol includes beer,
Photo courtesy of UGA Dining Services wine, liquor, and question-
Freshmen all over the university are breathing a sigh of relief in no longer needing ably obtained substances with
to be afraid that their older friend’s old fake ID will not look enough like them. alcohol content.

yall aint heard of WINGDING THINGS

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cia deserunt mollit consectetur adipi
anim id est labo scing elit, sed do
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eiusmod tempor in minim veniam, quis
16 • November 18, 2022 • TO HELL WITH GEORGIA // COMICS

COMICS AND PUZZLES FOR DAWGS

solve the maze!

COLORING
// COMICS TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 17

COMICS AND PUZZLES FOR DAWGS

connect the dawts! which is not like the others?

18 • November 18, 2022 • TO HELL WITH GEORGIA // SPROTS

Uga X takes poo on ice during game

could be heard. Uga, the u[sic] The Georgia Tech team was al- ginkiss, a spectator, claimed. “I’m though most of the people in the
O. GAUDETTE BYRNES ga school mascot, had run onto ready winning with a score of 8-0 embarrassed for them.” arena had already fled the scene or
PHD (PRETTY HUGE DOOKIE) the ice. He weaved in and out when Uga interrupted. Too many The Ice Dawgs may have lost more so the smell.
between the legs of Ice Dawg u[sic]ga players were either cry- the tournament to Georgia Tech, Hopefully, the u[sic]ga ice
The u[sic]ga ice hockey team team members, causing them to ing or being treated for their hard but they still won against Ala- hockey team will have better luck
took a trip to Huntsville, AL a few panic and fall. falls on the ice to continue playing bama, making them a solid num- at games to come in the future,
weeks back to compete in a Veter- Tech players watched in dis- so the game ended early. ber two (not in reference to the but until then, congratulations to
ans Day tournament against two belief as Uga took out his own “I think Uga’s poop on the ice incident on the ice). Not only was Georgia Tech on their win and to
different teams. Although they teammates. The Georgia coaches was supposed to be symbolic of Uga full of crap, but so was the Uga for making sure he will never
won one game out of two, the ran after the bulldog, but they how the u[sic]ga team was play- u[sic]ga head coach, John Miller, be forced to watch a u[sic]ga ice
Ice Dawgs were not the only dogs ended up on their behinds as ing… like crap,” Amanda Hug- as he demanded a rematch even hockey game again.
that were the subject of conversa- they slipped. Once every u[sic]
tion among spectators. ga-affiliated person on the ice had
The first game u[sic]ga played been taken down, Uga circled
was against the University of Ala- back to the middle of the rink
bama. They won, but it was a diffi- and squatted.
cult match for the Ice Dawgs, and A smell filled the arena, and it
it showed. Ben Dover, third-year was not the smell of victory for the
Furniture & Interiors major, is the Ice Dawgs. In a desperate attempt
goalie for u[sic]ga’s team. After the to save u[sic]ga from further em-
game, he shared, “The guys from barrassment, an Ice Dawg player,
Alabama are really hot and super Mike Rotchburns, dove for Uga
talented. It’s hard to stay focused with his arms outstretched.
on blocking shots when you have The bulldog seemed to have
them staring you down.” more skill than the u[sic]ga
After Alabama scored their players because he perfectly piv-
first goal, Dover was taken out of oted and moved out of reach.
the rink during a time-out by the This left Rotchburns to slide face-
u[sic]ga coach, John Miller. We first into the fresh dump. The
don’t quite know what was said on arena was loud with laughter
the sidelines during the scolding, from the other teams and the
but his face was almost as red as sounds of u[sic]ga fans leaving the
the team’s jersey color. stands in a hurry.
The Ice Dawgs eventually over- Players helped Rotchburns
came their struggles and claimed onto his feet, and he quickly skat-
a victory of 3-1. The second game ed off to the sidelines to retreat to
of the tournament was being the locker room. He was never to
played against Georgia Tech. It be seen again, quite literally. It’s
was as of a lively game as it was said that he transferred to an out-
but during the third quarter, there of-state school after the incident,
was a disruption that sent every- and u[sic]ga removed all evidence
body into a frenzy. of his time at the university in an Photo by Bryce Hawkee
As two men fought over the attempt to forget the embarrass- Uga X lays cable on the ice at the Veterans Day hockey tournament as u[sic]
puck, gasps from the audience ment and shame. ga players flee in horror. The poopy pup forced an early ending to the game.
// SPROTS TO HELL WITH GEORGIA • November 18, 2022 • 19

Smart announces “smart” Senate campaign

win the seat, no person on the he has already garnered sup- winners — not just election win- unify behind one coach Jack...
JOSEPH MAMA senate floor would have the same port from political figures across ners but SEC winners. I person- smart campaign... Smart.”
WHO’S JOE? experiences as him. Some would the aisle. Walker said, “Smart is ally believe that if you can win the With Smarts announcement
argue Tuberville has similar the smartest person I know. I SEC you have that dawg in you.” that would leave the u[sic]ga
With the results of Herschel experiences but he had a mere would trust him with my life, un- Even President Biden gave Smart Head Football Job vacant, the
Walker’s senate campaign yet to 159-99 record as a coach with no like my family.” his support by saying, “You know current favorite is Geoff Collins,
conclude, one thing is clear: foot- national title. Smart has expe- Tuberville supported his fellow Smart is a smart guy and I would thanks to his recent success at
ball sells in the south. Despite rienced the ups and downs of a coach by stating “I would love for love… football is America’s favor- surpassing everyone’s expecta-
numerous controversies associated National Football Title winning Smart to join me in the Senate. I ite Senate candidate and it would tions while providing fans some-
with Walker from his stance on squad and needs political experi- believe that the Senate needs more help with this state’s division to thing to rally behind.
abortion — despite paying wom- ence and know-how when u[sic]
en to get multiple — and his son ga football won the National
openly speaking out against him, Title with Stetson Bennett under
Walker still garnered enough sup- center. A quarterback that has a
port to force a runoff. Walker isn’t noodle for an arm and would be
the only notable college football lucky to have the same NFL career
figure to make waves in United as Jake Fromm. With the Sen-
States Politics. Tommy Tuberville, ate full of successful politicians,
who was most notably the Auburn lawyers and business men, Kirby
Head Coach from 1999–2008 would bring some much needed
and only ever won one SEC title, diversity of skill.
became a US Senator in 2020. Tu- Unlike Walker, Kirby would
berville, since becoming senator, look to have a campaign which
has continued his defensive-first minimized the drama. Follow-
mindset with his defense of over- ing Kirby’s campaign announce-
turning Roe v. Wade and blitzed ment a motto has started to gain
the legitimacy of Sleepy Joe’s pres- popularity around his support-
idential victory. ers: “Be smart and vote for the
With many college football lif- smartest smarty pants, Kirby
ers doing well in politics, Kirby Smart.” His support mostly seems
Smart has just announced that he to be around those in his educa-
will be running for the senate in tion thanks to his commitment
2026. Smart’s policies are exactly to making more people smart.
what one would expect from a Smart’s campaign manager Nick
defensive-minded coach with him Ed Mibals said, “Coach Smart has
continuing to rush Roe v. Wade a commitment to making people
as well as attacking those who smarter and he is looking to make
threaten to do anything about u[sic]ga the smartest state by mak-
what happened on January 6th ing everyone smarter by educat-
(having to do with the Capital ing people through them read-
Riot, not T Swift). ing smarter books and knowing
One thing that Smart has go- smarter facts.” Photo by Polly Tick
ing for him was his success as a Even though Smart has just re- Coach Smart, pictured here, has announced his “smart for Smart”
football coach. If Smart were to cently announced his campaign, Senate bid. The coach is the latest SEC athletic figure to run for Senate.
Sprots
SPORTS EDITOR: Ice Dawgs’ big stink THWuGA
cantbeatem
ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR:
Betson Stennett
Uga puts preposterous poo in igno-
minious icy incident causing cold
20
Friday,
catastrophic calamity.418
sports@nique.net November 18, 2022

u[sic]ga student-athletes place top-five in

Clarke County Schools paper airplane contest
by injuries during the contest. The for the remainder of the contest. “With this success, we have de- lowing their graduation.”
CLARK KAUNTEE Sky Dawgs finished just outside The winning team’s captain, cided to expand our college of Coach Lader also announced
STAFF WRITER the top 10. sophomore Emma Nentwin, gave engineering to include aerospace the signing of the highest ranked
Coach Cal Q. Lader lauded kudos to the Air Dawgs, saying, engineering. We intend to take paper airplane recruit in school
Clarke County Schools held his team following the win, say- “I’ve been coming to these events advantage of the talent already history, with three-star folder Sal
their annual paper airplane con- ing, “This is a big victory for for most of my life and this is my available on our campus, and have Thwest inking a letter of intent
test last week, pitting the county’s us. The Clarke County Schools fifth time competing. This is the offered each member of the Air to join the team next fall. Thwest
top teens (and college students) paper airplane contest is a chance best team I’ve seen them field, Dawgs and the Sky Dawgs posi- will try to anchor a rising program
against each other in a test of true to test our skills against some of though I’ve always found it odd tions as aerospace professors fol- for the next six to eight years.
talent. The contest, which boasted the best minds in the county. It’s that college kids are allowed in
dozens of tough teams from local a tough competition every year, this contest.”
middle schools, high schools and and our team persevered this year The middle school team, led
our own u[sic]ga students, fea- to get closer to the podium than by seventh grader Georgia Sz-
tured multiple planes that traveled we have in years.” bad, made history with the high-
well over 30 feet. After a day of Team captain and primary est middle school finish ever, the
furious folding, tactful tosses and tosser Richard Schmoll spoke under-14 county record distance,
meticulous measurement, u[sic] on his near-podium throw, say- and became the only tenth middle
ga’s top team earned a respectable ing, “It felt good off the hand. I school team to finish ahead of all
fourth-place finish. thought we could have broken 30 u[sic]ga entrants. Szbad was un-
Despite missing the podium, and gotten the school record, but available for comment.
the team was elated, having I think the wind in there shifted Following the unprecedented
earned the school’s highest finish into our faces and held us back a success of the assorted airborne
in over a decade. The team fin- bit. I’m happy with the outcome Dawgs, u[sic]ga president, Jere
ished behind a team of promising though; those kids are legit.” Morehead, commended the team.
high schoolers whose craft soared The contest, held indoors at a “Our student(-athletes?) make
a whopping 52 feet, a middle Clarke County high school each this campus proud every day.
school team that played Cinder- year, was not without drama. The Coming as close as we ever have
ella, tossing their plane a U14 Not on the Ground Dawgs’ lead to the podium and nearly having
county record of 48 feet, and a folder, 8th year junior Dale Tuh, two top 10 teams at the Clarke
second set of high schoolers who suffered a bad paper cut when as- County Schools paper airplane
finished a distant third with their sembling the team’s plane. The contest just shows the progress
37-foot throw. wound sent him to the sidelines, this school and team has made.
The Air Dawgs topped the col- and while the injury report listed This once again shows that our
lege entrants with a 29-foot flight, him as questionable to return, he engineering program is nearly un-
beating out the Sky Dawgs and returned from the nurse’s office rivaled within the county.” Photo by Beau Wing
the Not on the Ground Dawgs, with a Band-Aid over the gash and Morehead continued with a Richard Schmoll, Dale Tuh and a Clarke County Schools
the latter of whom were derailed remained off the proverbial field surprise announcement, saying, student are pictured competing at the yearly contest.

u[sic]ga fans throw hedges into the

river after beating Tennessee in football
case so they cannot risk any- means, and hurting thousands relevant, and they still only have make sense for u[sic]ga to devel-
QIRBY SMORT thing happening to it. At least of families after a single win. one ranked sport. op a new tradition versus Ten-
HEDGE ENTHUSIAST they can say they beat Tennessee Since the hedges are dead and Without an overly-glorified, nessee when they already have
in football because it is not like gone, it will be interesting to see 25 year-old quarterback leading one that works so well for them
For u[sic]ga fans who claim they beat them in literally any- if there are any more long-stand- the team next year, it would be and transcends all sports besides
to be classy, the beginning of thing else. ing traditions that develop in a shame if what little tradition one, losing.
November was a bad look for In the past year u[sic]ga has Athens, especially considering was there dissolved altogether.
them. The highly intelligent fans solely beaten Tennessee in the that they only recently became Then again, maybe it doesn’t
of the football team chose to following sports:
throw their hedges into the river • Football
after beating Tennessee, a team In the past year u[sic]ga has
that they were favored to beat. lost to Tennessee in the follow-
In hindsight, it makes sense that ing sports and more:
u[sic]ga would want to celebrate • Baseball
the win versus Tennessee as it’s • Men’s Basketball
the only ranked opponent the • Women’s Basketball
football team had in their regu- • Women’s Soccer
lar season schedule. • Volleyball
Now it is true that winning Back to the hedges. The hedg-
is a new concept for the u[sic]ga es that the students destroyed
fans, but they obviously still have were older than most of their
not grasped the whole concept. ACT scores so it makes sense
Winning is supposed to be cel- why they would think that was
ebrated. the best option.
Definition of celebration: the As a matter of fact, the 13
action of marking one’s pleasure points that u[sic]ga gave up to
at an important event or occa- Tennessee might be closer to the
sion by engaging in enjoyable, average ACT score found on frat
typically social, activity. row.
If the u[sic]ga idea of pleasure The hedges had to be pulled
at an event is destruction then at out of the river because the wa-
least the rumors are confirmed ter could not flow through and
that the u[sic]ga students are not residents of the state were not
the sharpest crayons in the box. getting an adequate water sup-
One thing that does make ply. Isn’t that so considerate of
sense however is the choice to the u[sic]ga students?
destroy the bushes. Shout out to the u[sic]ga
Bless their hearts, they only students for not understand-
have one trophy in the trophy ing what the word “celebration”