COMPLIMENTS
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English Hidden
Rules of
Compliments
⊡ English bonding-talk often starts with a ritual
exchange of compliments.
⊡ The compliments are not exchanged at
random, but in a distinctive pattern, in
accordance with ‘counter-compliment rule’.
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Counter-compliment
rule
⊡ The opening line may be either a straight compliment, such as ‘Oh, I like your new haircut!’ or
a combination of a compliment and a self-critical remark: ‘Your hair looks great; I wish I had
gorgeous hair like you – mine’s so boring and mousy.’
⊡ The response to either version contain a self-deprecating denial, and a ‘counter-compliment’,
as in ‘Oh no! My hair’s terrible. It gets so frizzy – I wish I could have it short like you, but I just
don’t have the bone structure; you’ve got such good cheekbones.’
⊡ Another self-critical denial a further compliment another self-deprecating denial
∞ another counter-compliment
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Counter-compliment
rule
There are social ‘points’ to be gained by making
amusing, witty self-critical remarks – some English
have turned this kind of humorous self-deprecation
into an art form, and there can almost be an element
of competitiveness in their one-downmanship.
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Counter-compliment
rule
The conversation may jump from hair to shoes to
thighs to professional achievement, fitness, social
skills, dating success, children, talents and
accomplishments – but the formula remains the same.
No compliment is ever accepted; no self-denigrating
remark ever goes unchallenged.
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Counter-compliment
rule
Accepted a compliment would be regarded as impolite,
unfriendly and arrogant – ‘almost as bad as boasting.’
Such a person would also be seen as ‘taking oneself a
bit too seriously.’
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Complisult
A backhanded compliment (сомнительный
комплимент) when one makes a statement to
another that is part compliment, part insult.
"That's such a nice dress. It does wonders for your figure."
"Your haircut really slims your face."
“Joseph Biden made a blackhanded compliment about Barack Obama, saying he
is “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and
clean and a nice-looking guy.”
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Complisult
I love your shoes – they look so comfy
Translation: You’re dressed like that homeless
man who shouts at pigeons outside Aldi
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Complisult
You’re such a fun drunk!
Translation: You bore me to tears when you
don’t have twelve G&Ts behind you
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Complisult
You have such a pretty face
Translation: You’re overweight
Black is so your colour
Translation: You’re overweight
You’re looking so healthy at the moment!
Translation: You’re overweight
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Complisult
You’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about
men/women only liking you for your looks
Translation: Your face scares small children
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Complisult
You’re such a strong person
Translation: The way your life has turned out
would have driven most people to suicide
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Complisult
You’re lucky you’re so creative – I can’t even draw
a stickman.
Translation: You’re lucky you’re creative
because you have the IQ of a tube of toothpaste
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Complisult
I wish I were as confident as you, mate.
Translation: It must take a lot of confidence for
you to wear tight-leg trousers with those legs
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Complisult
Is that your other half? Wow, he/she is gorgeous!
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Complisult
It’s impossible to underestimate you.
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Complisult
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Complisult
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Complisult
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Complisult
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French
Compliment
A statement phrased like a compliment that is actually more condescending
than flattering, generally coming from a beautiful French woman.
"You speak French very well, for an American."
"I just love the way you embrace your round figure when you dance."
"You must have a fantastic metabolism. I would never be able to eat such a big dessert."
"How daring of you to wear such a lively color."
"Marie just told me my bag was 'interesting.' I'm pretty sure that was a French compliment."
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French
Compliment
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Compliment
Sandwich
When someone tries to ease the blow of a criticism by delivering it
between two insincere compliments.
Boss: "Liza, I love your hair. Your work sucks. Where did you get that
sweater?"
Liza: Thanks for the compliment sandwich, boss.
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Positive+Negative
compliments
Mike Goldstein, founder and lead dating coach of EZ Dating Coach,
says that the most meaningful compliment he has ever received was
both positive and negative.
“You’re extraordinary and can accomplish anything,
but you’re crazy and your ideas will never work.”
Goldstein used these words to help motivate him professionally to
start and continue to build his own business.
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Match these ten ides with the following way of “playing down” a compliment:
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