1.

OPENING SEQUENCE: A FAIRYTALE BOOK

SHREK (V.O.)

Once upon a time there was a lovely

princess. But she had an enchantment
upon her of a
fearful sort which could only be
broken by love's first kiss. She was
locked away in a
castle guarded by a terrible fire-‐
breathing dragon. Many brave knights
had attempted to
free her from this dreadful prison,
but none prevailed. She waited in
the dragon's keep
in the highest room of the tallest
tower for her true love and true
love's first kiss.
(laughs)
Page is ripped out.
CUT TO:
OUTDOOR TOILET.
SHREK (V.O.)

Like that's ever gonna happen. What

a load of -‐ (Toilet flush, Shrek
bursts out from toilet.
Music plays: Allstar -‐ by Smashmouth begins to play.
CUT TO: DAYTIME. THE SWAMP. CREDIT ROLL.
Montage of various Shrek activities. In a nearby town, the
villagers get together to go
after the ogre..
CUT TO: NIGHT. THE SWAMP.
It’s night time, the men from town have lit torches and are
running into the swamp. They
arrive at Shrek’s home.
MAN
1 Think it's in there? MAN 2 All
right. Let's get it!
 2.

1
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
MAN 1
WHOA.
Hold on. Do you know what that thing
can do to you? MAN 3 Yeah, it'll
grind your bones for it's bread.
Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK
Yes, well, actually, that would be a
giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much
worse. They'll make a suit from your
freshly peeled skin.
MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your
liver. Squeeze the jelly from your
eyes!
Actually, it's quite good on toast.
MAN 1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I
warn ya!
(He)
waves the torch at Shrek.)
(Shrek)
calmly licks his fingers and
extinguishes the torch.) MAN 1
Right!
(The)
men shrink back away from him. Shrek
roars very loudly, the men roar
loudly back.
His long and his breath extinguishes
all the remaining torches until the
men are in the dark.) SHREK
(Whispers)
to Man 1.) This is the part where
you run away.
(The)
men scramble to run away. He
laughs.) And stay out!
(He)
looks down and picks
up a piece of paper. Reads.)
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He
sighs and throws the paper over his
shoulder.)

CUT TO: DAYTIME. THE FOREST.

 3.

There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the

guard sits at a table paying people

for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages
all around. We see Peter Pan,

Tinkerbell, the seven dwarves, Gipetto and Pinocchio, and the

three little pigs.
2

SHREK
1 SCRIPT

GUARD
ALL
right. This one's full. Take it
away! Move it along. Come on! Get
up!
HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD
(taking)
the witch's broom) Give me that!
Your flying days are over!
(Breaks)
the broom in half.)
HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of
silver for the witch. Next! GUARD
Get up! Come on! Sit down there! Be
quiet! LITTLE BEAR
(Crying.)
This cage is too small. DONKEY
Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
be stubborn again. I can change.
Please! Give me another chance! OLD
WOMAN Oh, shut up.
(jerks)
his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got? GIPETTO
This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO
I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
(His)
nose grows.) HEAD GUARD Five
shillings for the possessed toy.
Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father,
please! Don't let them do this! Help
me!
(Gipetto)
takes the money and walks off. The
old woman steps up to the table.)
HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got?
 4.

SHREK
1 SCRIPT

OLD WOMAN

Well, I've got a talking donkey.

HEAD
GUARD
Right. Well, that's good for ten
shillings, if you can prove it. OLD
WOMAN
Oh, go ahead, little fella.
(Donkey)
just looks up at her.) HEAD GUARD
Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's
just...he's just a little nervous.
He's really quite a chatterbox.
Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD
GUARD That's it. I've heard enough.
Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks!
He does.
(Pretends)
to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to
talk.
I'm the talkingest damn thing you
ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of
my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear!
Oh! He can talk!

The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them.
One of her legs flies out
and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan’s hands, and her cage
drops on Donkey's head. He
gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. )

DONKEY
Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can
fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD
GUARD He can talk!

SHREK

1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
 5.

Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.

YOU
might have seen a housefly, maybe
even a superfly
but I bet you ain't never seen a
donkey fly. Ha, ha!

The pixie dust begins to wear off.

DONKEY
Uh-‐oh.

He begins to sink to the ground. He hits the ground with a

thud.

HEAD
GUARD
Seize him!

Donkey takes of running.

HEAD GUARD

AFTER
him!
GUARDS
He's getting away! Get him! This
way! Turn!
Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek.
Donkey looks scared when he

spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind

Shrek.

HEAD
GUARD
You there. Ogre!
SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD
By the order of Lord Farquaad I am
authorized to place you both under
arrest and transport you to a
designated resettlement facility.
SHREK
Oh, really? You and what army?

Shrek looks behind the guard and the guard turns to see that
all other men have

SHREK
 6.

1 SCRIPT
deserted him. The guard runs off, too. Shrek laughs and
begins walking back to his
cottage. Donkey follows.

DONKEY
Can I say something to you?
Listen, you was really, really
somethin' back here.
Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin'
to...

Shrek turns around and Donkey is gone.

SHREK
me?

Shrek turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.

SHREK
Whoa! DONKEY
Yes. I was talkin' to you!
Can I tell you that you that you was
great back there?
Those guards! They thought they was
all of that.
Then you showed up, and bam!
They was trippin' over themselves
like babes in the woods.
That really made me feel good to see
that.
SHREK
Oh, that's great. Really.
DONKEY Man, it's good to be free.

6
SHREK

1 SCRIPT

SHREK

Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom

WITH
your own friends? Hmm?
DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any
friends.
And I'm not goin' out there by
myself.
 7.

Hey, wait a minute! I got a great

idea!
I'll stick with you. You're mean,
green, fightin' machine.
Together we'll scare the spit out of
anybody that crosses us.

Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring

very loudly.

DONKEY
Oh, wow! That was really scary.
If you don't mind me sayin', if that
don't work,
your breath certainly will get the
job done,
'cause you definitely need some Tic
Tacs or something,
'cause you breath stinks! Man!
You almost burned the hair outta my
nose, just like the time...

Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek

removes his hand.
DONKEY
...then I ate some rotten berries.
Man, I had strong gases leaking out
of my butt that day. SHREK Why are
you following me? DONKEY I'll tell
you why.
(Singing)
'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one
here beside me,
My problems have all gone, There's
no one to deride me,
But you gotta have faith...

7
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

SHREK
STOP
singing!
Well, it's no wonder you don't have
any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true
friend would be that cruelly honest.
SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a
look at me. What am I? DONKEY
(Looks)
 8.

all the way up at Shrek.)

Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an
ogre! You know.
"Grab your torch and pitchforks."
Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY
Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really,
really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like
you. What's you name? SHREK Uh,
Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know
what I like about you, Shrek?
You got that kind of I-‐don't-‐
care-‐what-‐nobody-‐thinks-‐of-‐me
thing.
I like that. I respect that, Shrek.
You all right.

Shrek and Donkey come over a hill and you can see Shrek's
cottage.
8

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY

Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that?

SHREK
That would be my home. DONKEY Oh!
And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
You know you are quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you've done with
such a modest budget.
I like that boulder. That is a nice
boulder.
Shrek walks past all the “keep out” & “beware” signs he has
erected.

DONKEY
I guess you don't entertain much, do
you?
SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You
know, I do too. That's another thing
we have in common.
Like I hate it when you got somebody
in your face.
You've trying to give them a hint,
and they won't leave.
There's that big awkward silence,
you know.
 9.

Big awkward silence.

DONKEY
Can I stay with you?
SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay
with you, please? SHREK
(Sarcastically)
Of course! DONKEY Really?

9
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

SHREK
NO.
DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back
there!
You don't know what it's like to be
considered a freak.
(Pause)
while he looks at Shrek.)
Well, maybe you do.
But that's why we gotta stick
together.
You gotta let me stay! Please!
Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one
night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you!

Donkey runs inside Shrek’s cottage.

CUT TO:

1 INT. 1
DAYTIME. SHREK’S COTTAGE.

SHREK
What are you...?
Donkey hops up onto a confortable armchair.

SHREK
Ah, No! No!
DONKEY This is gonna be fun!
We can stay up late, swappin' manly
stories,
and in the mornin' I'm makin'
waffles. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do,
uh, I sleep?
 10.

10

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK

(Irritated) Outside!
DONKEY
Oh, well, I guess that's cool.
I mean, I don't know you, and you
don't know me,
so I guess outside is best, you
know.
(Sniffs.)
Here I go. Good night.

CUT TO:

2 EXT. SHREK’S COTTAGE - DAY 2

Donkey has his head down, walking out of Shrek’s cottage. He

looks sad. Behind him, Shrek slams the door. Donkey sighs.
CUT TO:

3 INT. 3
DAYTIME. SHREK’S COTTAGE.

Shrek can hear Donkey outside.

DONKEY
I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm
a donkey.
I was born outside. I'll just be
sitting by myself outside,
I guess, you know. By myself,
outside.
(Sings)
I'm all alone...there's no one here
beside me...
CUT TO:

4 INT. 4
NIGHT. SHREK’S COTTAGE.
 11.

It’s dinnertime. Shrek places an eyeball in a martini and

takes a drink. He sits himself
down and pulls from his ear a candle made out of earwax,
which he lights. Donkey looks

in through a window. He is eating when he hears a noise. He

stands up with a huff.
SHREK
(To Donkey)
I thought I told you to stay
outside. DONKEY
(From)
the window) I am outside.
There is another noise and Shrek turns. He sees several
shadows moving. He finally sees
the 3 blind mice on his table.
11

SHREK
1 SCRIPT

BLIND MOUSE 1
Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm,
BUT
what choice do we have?
BLIND MOUSE 2 It's not home, but
it'll do just fine. GORDO
(Bouncing)
on a slug.) What a lovely bed.
SHREK Gotcha.

Shrek grabs Gordo the mouse, but it escapes and lands on his
shoulder.
GORDO
I found some cheese.
Gordo the mouse bites Shrek's
ear.

SHREK
Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND
MOUSE 1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO
How did you know? SHREK Enough!
 12.

Shrek grabs the 3 mice.

WHAT
are you doing in my house?

He gets bumped from behind so he drops the mice.

12
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
SHREK

Hey!
Shrek turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the
table.
SHREK
Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the
table. DWARF Where are we supposed
to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK
Huh?

Shrek marches into the bedroom. He throws back the curtain.

The Big Bad Wolf is lying
in bed.

BIG
BAD WOLF What?
Shrek drags the wolf to his front door by his collar.

CUT TO:

5 EXT. 5

NIGHT. SHREK’S COTTAGE.

Shrek opens the door and is stunned to see all the fairy tale
creatures in his swamp.

SHREK
I live in a swamp. I put up signs.
I'm a terrifying ogre!
What do I have to do to get a little
privacy?
 13.

He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees
that all the collected Fairy
Tale Creatures are on his land.

SHREK
Oh, no. No! No!
Montage of various fairy tale creatures: 3 Bears, Pied Piper
with rats, elves, fairies and
witches.
13

SHREK
1 SCRIPT

SHREK
WHAT
are you doing in my swamp?
Everyone falls silent. Gasps. Three good fairies hide inside
a tent.
SHREK
All right, get out of here. All of
you, move it!
Come on! Let's go! Hurry up! Hurry
up! THE DWARVES Hey! Quickly. Come
on!
Dwarves run inside the house.
SHREK
No, no! No, no. Not there. Not
there.
Shrek gives chase, but they shut the door on him. He can’t
get in.
SHREK
Oh!
(Turns)
to look at Donkey). DONKEY Hey,
don't look at me. I didn't invite
them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one
invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We
were forced to come here. SHREK
(Flabbergasted.)
By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He
huffed and he puffed and he...signed
 14.

an eviction notice.
14
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
SHREK
(Heavy sigh.) All right.
WHO
knows where this Farquaad guy is?
Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.

DONKEY
Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK
Does anyone else know where to find
him?
Anyone at all?
DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY
Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know!
Me, me!

Donkey is bouncing high into the air. Shrek is deliberately

ignoring him.
SHREK
(Sigh)
Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy
tale things.
Do not get comfortable. Your welcome
is officially worn out.
In fact, I'm gonna see this guy
Farquaad right now
and get you all off my land and back
where you came from!
Pause. Then the crowd goes wild, clapping and cheering.
SHREK
Oh!
(To Donkey)
You! You're comin' with me.

15
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
 15.

ALL
right, that's what I like to hear,
man.
Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart
friends,
off on a whirlwind big-‐city
adventure. I love it! DONKEY
(Singing.)
On the road again. Sing it with me,
Shrek.
I can't wait to get on the road
again. SHREK What did I say about
singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK
No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All
right, hum it.
Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.
CUT TO: DULOC – TORTURE CHAMBER
Footsteps through a medieval castle. A masked man pours milk
into a glass. Lord
Farquaad is coming down the corridor. Guards part to let him
through. The masked man

is torturing the Gingerbread Man by dunking him in the milk.

Lord Farquaad walks in.
FARQUAAD
That's enough. He's ready to talk.
The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed
down onto a cookie sheet.
Farquaad laughs evilly and walks over to the table. However
when he reaches the table
we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and
the table is lowered.
16
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

FARQUAAD
(He picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them.)
Run, run, run, as fast as you can.
YOU
 16.

can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread

man.
GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster.
FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here.
You are.
You and the rest of that fairy tale
trash,
poisoning my perfect world.
Now, tell me! Where are the others?
GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me!
(He)
spits milk into Farquaad’s eye.)
FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to
you creatures.
Now my patience has reached its end!
Tell me or I'll...
(he)
pretends to pull off the Gingerbread
Man's buttons)
GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the
buttons.
Not my gumdrop buttons.
FARQUAAD All right then. Who's
hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay,
I'll tell you.
Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD
The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The
muffin man.
17
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

FARQUAAD
Yes, I know the muffin man,
WHO
lives on Drury Lane?
GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married
to the muffin man.
FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD
MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's
married to the muffin man.
The door opens and the Head Guard bursts in.
HEAD GUARD
MY
lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then
what are you waiting for? Bring it
 17.

in.

More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a

sheet. They hang up
whatever it is and remove the covering sheet. It is the Magic
Mirror. The guards gasp.
GINGERBREAD
MAN
(In awe.)
Ahhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror...
GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him
anything!
Farquaad whacks him into a trash can, closing the lid.
GINGERBREAD
MAN
No!
18

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD
EVENING.
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Is this not the most perfect kingdom
of them all? MIRROR Well,
technically you're not a king.
FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius.
Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his
fist.
FARQUAAD
You were saying? MIRROR
(Nervous.)
What I mean is you're not a king
yet.
But you can become one.
All you have to do is marry a
princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR
(Chuckles nervously)
So, just sit back and relax, my
lord,
because it's time for you to meet
today's eligible bachelorettes.
And here they are!
(Music)
 18.

plays: Love Potion, Herb Alpert)

Bachelorette number one is a
mentally abused shut-‐in from a
kingdom far, far away.
She likes sushi and hot tubbing
anytime.
Her hobbies include cooking and
cleaning for her two evil sisters.
Please welcome Cinderella.
(Shows)
picture of Cinderella.)
Bachelorette number two is a cape-‐
wearing girl from the land of fancy.
Although she lives with seven other
men, she's not easy.
Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and
find out what a live wire she is.
Come on. Give it up for Snow White!
(Picture)
of Snow White.)

19
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
And last, but certainly not least,
BACHELORETTE
number three is a fiery redhead from
a dragon-‐guarded castle surrounded
by hot boiling lava!
But don't let that cool you off.
She's a loaded pistol who likes pina
coladas
and getting caught in the rain.
Yours for the rescuing,
Princess Fiona!
(Shows)
picture of Princess Fiona)
So will it be bachelorette number
one,
bachelorette number two or
bachelorette number three?
GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two!
Two! Three!
FARQUAAD Three? One? Three?
THELONIUS Three!
(holds)
up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my
lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh,
number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad,
you've chosen Princess Fiona!
 19.

Music Plays: “If you like Pina Coladas…” The guards clap and
cheer.
FARQUAAD
Princess Fiona. She's perfect.
All I have to do is just find
someone who can go...
MIRROR But I probably should mention
the
little thing that happens at night.
FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but
after sunset...
20
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD

Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen,

AND
DuLoc will finally have the perfect
king!
Captain, assemble your finest men.
We're going to have a tournament.
(Smiles evilly.)
CUT TO:

6 EXT. 6
DAYTIME. DULOC PARKING LOT (LANCELOT SECTION)
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the
parking lot. The castle itself is
about 40 floors high.

DONKEY
But that's it. That's it right
there.
That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it.
SHREK So, that must be Lord
Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-‐huh.
That's the place. SHREK Do you think
maybe he's compensating for
something?

He laughs; groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke.

 20.

They walk through the parking lot.

DONKEY
Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN
Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
SHREK Hey, you!
The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like
Lord Farquaad, screams and
begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front
gate to get away from Shrek.
21
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

SHREK
Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you.
I
just -‐ -‐ I just -‐ -‐
Shrek sighs and then begins walking straight through the
rows. The attendant runs into

a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then
continue on into DuLoc.
CUT TO:

7 EXT.DAYTIME. 7
DULOC VILLAGE
They look around but all is quiet.

SHREK
It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is
everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this!
(Donkey)
runs over and pulls a lever that is
attached to a box
marked 'Information'. The music
winds up and then the box doors open
up. There are little wooden people
inside and they begin to sing.)
WOODEN CHARACTERS Welcome to DuLoc
such a perfect town! Here we have
some rules. Let us lay them down.
 21.

Don't make waves, stay in line and

we'll get along fine! DuLoc is a
perfect place! Please keep off of
the grass! Shine your shoes, wipe
your… face,
DuLoc is, DuLoc is, DuLoc is a
perfect place.

Suddenly a camera snaps Donkey and Shrek's picture. It prints

out like a photobooth.
DONKEY
Wow! Let's do that again!
Donkey prepares to run over and pull the lever again. He is
stopped by Shrek grabbing
his tail.

SHREK
No. no. no, no, no, no.
They hear a trumpet fanfare, and follow the sound, heading
over to the arena.
22
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD
BRAVE
knights. You are the best and
brightest in all the land. Today one
of you shall prove himself...
Donkey hums the DuLoc theme song as they walk the tunnel to
the arena.
SHREK
All right.
You're going the right way for a
smacked bottom.
DONKEY Sorry about that.
The crowd in the arena cheers.

CUT TO:

8 INT.DAYTIME.THE 8
 22.

ARENA.
Farquuad is addressing his knights and the crowd.
FARQUAAD
That champion shall have the honor
-‐-‐ no, no -‐ -‐
the privilege to go forth and rescue
the lovely
Princess Fiona from the fiery keep
of the dragon.
If for any reason the winner is
unsuccessful,
the first runner-‐up will take his
place and so on and so forth.
Some of you may die, but it’s a
sacrifice I am willing to make.
Crowd cheers.
FARQUAAD
Let the tournament begin!
Farquaad notices Shrek.
FARQUAAD

Oh! What is that? Ugh, it's hideous!

23
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
Shrek turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad.
SHREK
Ah, that's not very nice. It's just
a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights,
new plan!
The one who kills the ogre will be
named champion!
Have him!
MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come
on! Hang on now.
Shrek bumps into a table where there are mugs of

beer.
CROWD
Go ahead! Get him! SHREK
(Holds)
 23.

up a mug of beer.)
Can't we just settle this over a
pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK
No? All right then.

Shrek drinks the beer.

SHREK
Come on!
Shrek takes the mug, smashes the spigot off the large barrel
of beer and beer floods out,
drenching the knights, turning ground to mud. Shrek picks up
a spear. Donkey climbs

onto a large beer barrel and rolls it over the top of

knights. Various fight scenes happen.
24
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY

Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!

SHREK
comes over and bangs a man's
head up against Donkeys.
Shrek gets up on the ropes and
interacts with the crowd.
SHREK
Yeah!

A knight tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in

time and sees him.
WOMAN
The chair! Give him the chair!
Shrek smashes a chair over a knight’s back. Finally all the
knights are beaten. Donkey
kicks one in the helmet. The ding sounds the end of the
match. The audience goes wild.
SHREK
Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank
you very much!
I'm here till Thursday. Try the
veal! Ha, ha!
 24.

(laughs)
The laughter stops as all of the
guards turn their weapons on Shrek.
HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order,
sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better
idea. People of DuLoc, I give you
our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD
Congratulations, ogre.
You're won the honor of embarking on
a great and noble quest. SHREK
Quest? I'm already in a quest, a
quest to get my swamp back.
FARQUAAD Your swamp?

25
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK
Yeah, my swamp!
WHERE
you dumped those fairy tale
creatures!
FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre.
I'll make you a deal.
Go on this quest for me,
and I'll give you your swamp back.
SHREK Exactly the way it was?
FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-‐
covered toadstool. SHREK And the
squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone.
SHREK What kind of quest?
CUT TO:

9 EXT.DAYTIME.SUNFLOWER 9
FIELD.
Donkey and Shrek are now walking away from DuLoc. Shrek is
munching on an onion.

DONKEY
Let me get this straight. You're
gonna go fight a dragon
and rescue a princess just so
Farquaad
will give you back a swamp which you
only don't have because
 25.

he filled it full of freaks in the

first place. Is that about right?
SHREK You know, maybe there's a good
reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you
just pull some of that ogre stuff on
him?
Throttle him, lay siege to his
fortress,
grind his bones to make your bread,
the whole ogre trip.
26

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK
Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated
AN
entire village and put their heads
on a pike,
gotten a knife, cut open their
spleen and drink their fluids.
Does that sound good to you? DONKEY
Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For
your information,
there's a lot more to ogres than
people think.
DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay,
um, ogres are like onions.

Shrek holds out his onion.

DONKEY
(Sniffs)
the onion.)
They stink? SHREK Yes -‐ -‐ No!
DONKEY They make you cry? SHREK No!
DONKEY You leave them in the sun,
they get all brown,
start sproutin' little white hairs.
SHREK No! Layers! Onions have
layers.
Ogres have layers! Onions have
layers.
You get it? We both have layers.
27
SHREK
 26.

1 SCRIPT

Shrek heaves a sigh and then walks off.

DONKEY
(Trailing)
after Shrek.)
Oh, you both have layers. Oh.
{Sniffs}
You know, not everybody likes
onions.
Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes
have layers.
SHREK I don't care... what everyone
likes. Ogres are not like cakes.
DONKEY You know what else everybody
likes? Parfaits.
Have you ever met a person, you say,
"Let's get some parfait," they say,
"Hell no, I don't like no parfait"?
Parfaits are delicious. SHREK No!
You dense, irritating, miniature
beast of burden!
Ogres are like onions! End of story.
Bye-‐bye. See ya later. DONKEY
Parfaits may be the most delicious
thing on the whole damn planet.
SHREK You know, I think I preferred
your humming. DONKEY Do you have a
tissue or something?
I'm making a mess. Just the word
parfait make me start slobbering.
Donkey and Shrek head off. Montage: Walking through a field
at sunset. Sleeping
beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying to put the campfire out
the next day; Donkey peeing

on it to put it out.
Music plays: I’m on my way, The Proclaimers.
28
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
CUT TO:

10 EXT. 10
 27.

DARK. DRAGON'S KEEP

Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the Dragon’s keep where
they can rescue Princess

Fiona. It looks like a giant volcano. There is hot molten

lava everywhere.
DONKEY
(sniffs)
Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
You gotta warn somebody before you
just crack one off.
My mouth was open and everything.
SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was
me, you'd be dead.
(Sniffs)
It's brimstone.
We must be getting close. DONKEY
Yeah, right, brimstone.
Don't be talking about it's the
brimstone. I know what I smell. It
wasn't no brimstone.
It didn't come off no stone neither.
Shrek and Donkey reach the top of the volcano and look down.
The castle is surrounded
by boiling lava. A rickety wooden bridge leads from volcano
into the castle.
SHREK
Sure, it's big enough, but look at
the location.
Laughs...then his laugh turns into a groan.
DONKEY
Uh, Shrek?
Uh, remember when you said ogres
have layers?
SHREK Oh, aye.
29
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
Well, I have a bit of a confession to make.
DONKEYS
 28.

don't have layers.

We wear our fear right out there on
our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second.
Donkeys don't have sleeves. DONKEY
You know what I mean. SHREK You
can't tell me you're afraid of
heights.
DONKEY No, I'm just a little
uncomfortable about being on a
rickety bridge over a boiling like
of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I'm
right here beside ya, okay?
For emotional support, we’ll just
tackle this thing
together one little baby step at a
time. DONKEY Really? SHREK Really,
really. DONKEY Okay, that makes me
feel so much better.
SHREK Just keep moving. And don't
look down.
DONKEY Okay, don't look down. Don't
look down.
Don't look down. Keep on moving.
Don't
look down.
Donkey steps through a rotting board and ends up looking
straight down into the lava.
30
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY

Shrek! I'm lookin' down!

Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please!
SHREK
But you're already halfway. DONKEY
But I know that half is safe! SHREK
Okay, fine. I don't have time for
this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no!
Wait! SHREK Just, Donkey -‐ -‐ Let's
have a dance then, shall me?
Shrek bounces and sways the bridge.
DONKEY
Don't do that! SHREK Oh, I'm sorry.
Do what? Oh, this?
 29.

(Bounces)
the bridge again.)
DONKEY Yes, that! SHREK Yes? Yes, do
it. Okay.
Shrek continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across
the bridge.
DONKEY
No, Shrek! No! Stop it! SHREK You
said do it! I'm doin' it.
31
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
I'M
gonna die. I'm gonna die.
Shrek, I'm gonna die.

Donkey steps onto solid ground.

DONKEY
Oh! SHREK That'll do, Donkey.
That'll do.
Shrek walks towards the castle.
DONKEY
Cool. So where is this fire-‐
breathing
pain-‐in-‐the-‐neck anyway?
SHREK Inside, waiting for us to
rescue her.
(Chuckles.)
DONKEY I was talkin' about the
dragon, Shrek.
CUT TO:

11 INT. 11
DARK. DRAGON’S KEEP
DONKEY
You afraid? SHREK No. DONKEY But...
SHREK Shh.
32
 30.

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
Ah, good. Me neither.
Donkey sees a skeleton and gasps.
DONKEY
'Cause there's nothin' wrong with
bein' afraid.
Fear's a sensible response to an
unfamiliar situation.
Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I
might add.
With a dragon that breathes fire and
eats knights and breathes fire,
it sure doesn't mean you're a coward
if you're a little scared, do you
know what I mean?
I sure as heck ain't no coward. I
know that.
Donkey crashes into metal helmets. A helmet lands on his
head.
SHREK
Donkey, two things, okay?
Shut ... up. Now go over there and
see if you can find any stairs.

Shrek takes Donkey’s helmet and puts it on his own head.

DONKEY
Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for
the princess. SHREK The princess
will be up the stairs
in the highest room in the tallest
tower. DONKEY What makes you think
she'll be there? SHREK I read it in
a book once.
(Shrek)
walks off)
33
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
 31.

COOL.
You handle the dragon. I'll handle
the stairs.
I'll find those stairs. I'll whip
their butt too.
Those stairs won't know which way
they're goin'.
(Donkey)
walks off.)
CUT TO:

12 INT. 12
DARK. DRAGON’S KEEP. EMPTY ROOM
Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the
room.
DONKEY
I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick
it to the curb.
Don't mess with me. I’m the stair
master.
I've mastered the stairs. I wish I
had a step right here,
right here. I'd step all over it.
Unbeknownst to Donkey, the Dragon has seen him. She opens one
eye.
CUT TO:

13 INT. 13
DARK. DRAGON’S KEEP ELSEWHERE
Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window.
SHREK
Well, at least we know where the
princess is, but where's the...
DONKEY
(Interrupts, yelling.)
Dragon!
Donkey gasps and takes off running. Dragon smashes her way
through and gives chase.
Donkey runs from the fireball. Just as the dragon releases a
second fireball, Shrek grabs
 32.

Donkey out of the way.

SHREK
Donkey, look out!
34
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

The dragon continues to chase Donkey; Shrek grabs the

dragon’s tail, distracting it.
SHREK
Got ya!
The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks its tail and
Shrek goes flying through the air
and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower.
CUT TO:

14 INT. 14
LIGHT. FIONA’S TOWER
Fiona wakes up with a start and sees Shrek lying on the
floor.

CUT TO:

15 INT. 15
DARK. DRAGON’S KEEP ELSEWHERE
The Dragon is still chasing Donkey. She is breathing fire and
being terrifying.
DONKEY
Oh! Aah! Aah!
Donkey gets cornered as the Dragon repeatedly knocks away all
but a small part of the
bridge he's standing on.
DONKEY
No. Oh, no, no!
DRAGON
(Rumbles.)
 33.

DONKEY Oh, what large teeth you

have. DRAGON
(Growls.)
DONKEY I mean white, sparkling
teeth.
I know you probably hear this all
time from your food,
but you must bleach, 'cause that is
one dazzling smile you got there.
Do I detect a hint of minty
freshness?
And you know what else?
35
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

You're -‐ -‐ You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure!

I
mean, of course you're a girl dragon
cos you're just reeking of feminine
beauty. DRAGON
(Flutters)
her eyelids at Donkey.) DONKEY
What's the matter with you?
You got something in your eye?
DRAGON
(Blows)
a heart-‐shaped smoke ring.) DONKEY
Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to
stay,
but you know, I'm, uh…(coughs)
I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know
if it'd work out
if you're gonna blow smoke rings and
stuff… Shrek!
DRAGON
(Picks)
Donkey up with her teeth and carries
him off.) DONKEY Ahhh, no! Shrek!
Shrek! Shrek!
CUT TO:

16 INT. 16
LIGHT. FIONA’S TOWER
Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to
Fiona so she straightens her dress
 34.

and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over
and gets the bouquet of
flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and
appears to be asleep. Shrek turns
and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and
she puckers her lips.
Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her awake.
FIONA
Oh! Oh! SHREK
Wake up! FIONA What?
36
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK
ARE
you Princess Fiona? FIONA I am,
awaiting a knight so bold as to
rescue me. SHREK Oh, that's nice.
Now let's go! FIONA But wait, Sir
Knight. This be-‐ith our first
meeting.
Should it not be a wonderful,
romantic moment? SHREK Yeah, sorry,
lady. There's no time. FIONA Hey,
wait. What are you doing?
You know, you should sweep me off my
feet out yonder window
and down a rope onto your valiant
steed. SHREK You've had a lot of
time to plan this, haven't you?
FIONA
(Smiling.)
Mm-‐hmm.
Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down
the hallway. They start
running through the Dragon’s Keep.
FIONA
But we have to savor this moment!
You could recite an epic poem for
me.
A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or
something!
 35.

SHREK I don't think so. FIONA Can I

at least know the name of my
champion?
SHREK Uh, Shrek.
37
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
SIR
Shrek.
(clears)
throat and holds out a handkerchief)
I pray that you take this favor as a
token of my gratitude.
SHREK Thanks! Suddenly they hear the
dragon roar. FIONA
(Surprised.)
You didn't slay the dragon? SHREK
It's on my to-‐do list. Now come on!
(Takes)
off running, dragging Fiona behind
him.) FIONA But this isn't right!
You were meant to charge in, sword
drawn, banner flying.
That's what all the other knights
did. SHREK Yeah, right before they
burst into flame. FIONA That's not
the point.
Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him.
FIONA
Oh!

Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the
side.
FIONA
Wait. Where are you going? The
exit's over there. SHREK Well, I
have to save my ass. FIONA What kind
of knight are you?
38
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
 36.

SHREK
ONE
of a kind.

Shrek opens the door into the throne room, where the Dragon
is sitting with Donkey.
She has her tail wrapped around him so he cannot escape.
DONKEY
Slow down. Slow down, baby, please.
I believe it's healthy to get to
know someone over a long period of
time.
Just call me old-‐fashioned.
(laughs worriedly)
DRAGON
(Rumbles gently.)
DONKEY I don't want to rush into a
physical relationship.
I'm not emotionally ready for a
commitment of, uh, this -‐ -‐
Magnitude really is the word I'm
looking for. Magnitude-‐ -‐ DRAGON
(Gently)
touches Donkey on the chin with her
claw.) DONKEY Hey, that is unwanted
physical contact.
Hey, what are you doing?
DRAGON
(Gently)
breathes fire on the chandelier to
light it.) DONKEY Okay, okay. Let's
just back up a little and take this
one step at a time.
I mean we really should get to know
each other first
as friends or maybe even as pen
pals.
Shrek climbs up to a chain, ready to swing into the room. He
swings in and starts
climbing up towards the chandelier.
39

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
 37.

I'M
on the road a lot, but I just love
receiving cards -‐
I'd really love to stay, but -‐ -‐
Don't do that!
That's my tail! That's my personal
tail.
You're gonna tear it off. I don't
give permission
-‐ -‐ What are you gonna do with
that?
Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no!
No. No, no, no. No! Oh!

Shrek’s chain unwinds just as the Dragon is about to kiss

Donkey. He bumps Donkey out
of the way and the Dragon kisses Shrek’s butt instead. She
opens her eyes and roars.
Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls over the
dragon’s head, forming a
collar. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running
up some stone stairs.
Shrek grabs Donkey and Princess Fiona as he runs past her.
DONKEY
Hi, Princess! FIONA It talks! SHREK
Yeah, it's getting him to shut up
that's the trick.
The dragon gains on them. Shrek jumps on a descending slide
but there is a crack in the

stone which hits Shrek in the groin. He stumbles off the

bottom.
SHREK
Oh!
Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and
Fiona.
SHREK
Okay, you two, heard for the exit!
I'll take care of the dragon.
40
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
 38.

Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the
castle. He throws the

sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The

chain links are attached to
the chandelier that is still around the dragon’s neck.
SHREK
(Echoing.)
Run!
They race for the exit with the dragon in pursuit. At the
wooden bridge, the dragon’s fire
starts to burn the bridge and part of it collapses. Shrek,
Donkey and Princess Fiona hang
on the other side. The dragon attempts to fly to them, but is
restrained by the chain and
chandelier. The others climb to safety. The dragon looks
angry before giving a sad

whimper as Donkey walks away.

CUT TO:

17 EXT. 17
DAYTIME. ACROSS FROM THE DRAGON’S KEEP.
Safely on the other side, the trio begin their journey back
to DuLoc.
FIONA
(Sliding)
down the volcanic hill.)
You did it! You rescued me! You're
amazing.
Donkey tumbles down the hill behind her.

FIONA
You're -‐ -‐ You're wonderful.
You're...
Princess Fiona turns to see Shrek tumble down, banging into
Donkey.
FIONA
…a little
 39.

unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed

is great,
and thy heart is pure. I am
eternally in your debt.
41
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
Donkey clears his throat.

FIONA
And where would a brave knight be
without his noble steed? DONKEY I
hope you heard that. She called me a
noble steed.
She thinks I'm a steed.
FIONA The battle is won.
You may remove your helmet, good Sir
Knight.
SHREK Uh, no. FIONA Why not? SHREK I
have helmet hair. FIONA Please. I
would'st look upon the face of my
rescuer. SHREK No, no, you wouldn't
-‐ -‐ 'st. FIONA But how will you
kiss me? SHREK What?
(to Donkey)
That wasn't in the job description.
DONKEY Maybe it's a perk. FIONA No,
it's destiny. Oh, you must know how
it goes.
A princess locked in a tower and
beset by a dragon
is rescued by a brave knight, and
then they share true love's first
kiss. DONKEY Hmm? With Shrek? You
think-‐ -‐ Wait. Wait.
You think that Shrek is your true
love?
42
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
Well, yes.
Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing.
 40.

DONKEY
You think Shrek is your true love!
FIONA What is so funny? SHREK Let's
just say I'm not your type, okay?
FIONA Of course, you are. You're my
rescuer. Now -‐ -‐ Now remove your
helmet. SHREK Look. I really don't
think this is a good idea. FIONA
Just take off the helmet. SHREK I'm
not going to. FIONA Take it off.
SHREK No! FIONA Now! SHREK Okay!
Easy. As you command.
Your Highness.
(Takes)
off his helmet.) FIONA You-‐ -‐
You're a-‐ -‐ an ogre.
43
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
SHREK
Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
FIONA
Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is
all wrong.
You're not supposed to be an ogre.
SHREK Princess, I was sent to rescue
you by Lord Farquaad, okay?
He is the one who wants to marry
you. FIONA Then why didn't he come
rescue me? SHREK Good question.
You should ask him that when we get
there. FIONA But I have to be
rescued by my true love,
not by some ogre and his -‐-‐ his
pet.
DONKEY Well, so much for noble
steed. SHREK You're not making my
job any easier. FIONA I'm sorry, but
your job is not my problem.
You can tell Lord Farquaad that if
he wants to rescue me properly,
I'll be waiting for him right here.
SHREK Hey! I'm no one's messenger
boy, all right?
(Ominous)
I'm a delivery boy. FIONA You
wouldn't dare.
 41.

Shrek picks Princess Fiona up and swings her over his

shoulder.
44
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

FIONA
Ah! Put me down!
SHREK
Ya comin', Donkey?
DONKEY I'm right behind ya. FIONA
Put me down, or you will suffer the
consequences! This is not dignified!
Put me down!
CUT TO:

18 EXT. 18
DAYTIME. THE WOODS
Time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She is still
carried over Shrek’s shoulder,

hanging there, bored.

DONKEY
Okay, so here's another question.
Say there's a woman that digs you,
right,
but you don't really like her that
way.
Now how do you let her down real
easy
so her feelings aren't hurt, but you
don't get
burned to a crisp and eaten? How you
do that? FIONA You just tell her
she's not your true love.
Everyone knowest what happens when
you find your...
Shrek deliberately bumps Fiona, startling her, he smiles,
which she doesn’t see.

FIONA
Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the
better. DONKEY You're gonna love it
 42.

there, Princess. It's beautiful!

45
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
AND
what of my groom-‐to-‐be? Lord
Farquaad? What's he like?
SHREK Let me put it this way,
Princess.
Shrek drops Princess Fiona unceremoniously to the ground. He
walks to a watering hole.

SHREK
Men of Farquaad's stature are in
short supply.
Donkey and Shrek laugh. Shrek continues to the watering hole,
splashing water on his
face to clean it.
DONKEY
No, Shrek. There are those who think
little of him!
Shrek and Donkey laugh, Fiona is irritated.
FIONA
Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You
know,
you're just jealous you can never
measure up
to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
SHREK Yeah, well, maybe you're
right, Princess.
But I'll let you do the "measuring"
when you see him tomorrow.
The sun is setting.
FIONA
(Gasps)
Tomorrow? It'll take that long?
Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
SHREK No, that'll take longer. We
can keep going. FIONA But there's
robbers in the woods.
 43.

46
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY

Whoa! Time out, Shrek!

CAMP
is definitely starting to sound
good.
SHREK Hey, come on. I'm scarier than
anything we're going to see in this
forest. FIONA I need to find
somewhere to camp now!
Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from
her. Fiona is scary!
CUT TO:

19 EXT. 19
SUNSET. MOUNTAIN CLIFF

Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He

shoves a stone boulder out
of the way to reveal the cave.
SHREK
Hey! Over here. DONKEY Shrek, we can
do better than that.
I don't think this is fit for a
princess.
FIONA No, no, it's perfect. It just
needs a few homey touches. SHREK
Homey touches? Like what?
Princess Fiona tears bark off of a tree.
FIONA
A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee
good night.
Fiona enters the cave and puts the bark door up behind her.

DONKEY
You want me to read you a bedtime
story?
Cos I will.
 44.

47
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
I
said good night!
Shrek and Donkey are taken aback by Fiona’s manner. Shrek
begins to move the boulder
back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still
inside.

DONKEY
Shrek, What are you doing? SHREK
(Laughs.)
I just-‐ -‐ You know -‐ -‐
Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
CUT TO:

20 EXT. 20
NIGHT. CAMPFIRE
Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. It’s a dark
sky with thousands of stars.
They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain
star constellations to
Donkey.

SHREK
And, uh, that one, that's Throwback,
the only ogre to ever spit over
three wheat fields. DONKEY Right.
Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future
from these stars? SHREK The stars
don't tell the future, Donkey. They
tell stories.
Look, there's Bloodnut, the
Flatulent.
You can guess what he's famous for.
(Laughs.)
DONKEY I know you're making this up.
SHREK No, look. There he is, and
there's the group of hunters
running away from his stench.
 45.

48
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
THAT
ain't nothin' but a bunch of little
dots. SHREK You know, Donkey,
sometimes things
are more than they appear. Hmm?
Forget it. DONKEY
(Heaves)
a big sigh.) Hey, Shrek,
what we gonna do when we get our
swamp anyway? SHREK Our swamp?
DONKEY You know, when we're through
rescuing the princess. SHREK We?
Donkey, there's no "we". There's no
"our".
There's just me and my swamp.
The first thing I'm gonna do is
build a ten-‐foot wall around my
land. DONKEY You cut me deep, Shrek.
You cut me real deep just now.
Hey, you know what I think?
I think this whole wall thing is
just a way to keep somebody out.
SHREK No, do ya think? DONKEY Are
you hidin' something? SHREK Never
mind, Donkey. DONKEY Oh, this is
another one of those onion things,
isn't it? SHREK No, this is one of
those drop-‐it and leave-‐it alone
things.
DONKEY Why don't you want to talk
about it?
49
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK

WHY
do you want to talk about it? DONKEY
Why are you blocking? SHREK I'm not
blocking. DONKEY Oh, yes, you are.
SHREK Donkey, I'm warning you.
DONKEY Who you trying to keep out?
 46.

Does tell me Shrek, who? SHREK

Everyone! Okay? DONKEY
(Pause.)
Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
(Grins.)
SHREK Oh! For the love of Pete!
Unseen by Shrek and Donkey, Fiona has pulled her door back
from the cave entrance
and is looking at them. Shrek gets up, walks to the edge of
the cliff and sits down.
DONKEY
Hey what's your problem, Shrek?
What you got against the whole world
anyway, huh? SHREK Look, I'm not the
one with the problem, okay?
It's the world that seems to have a
problem with me.
People take one look at me and go.
"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly
ogre!"
(Lets)
out a sigh.)
They judge me before they even know
me.
That's why I'm better off alone.
50
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

Fiona watches intently from her cave hideout. She listens,

then closes the door again.
DONKEY
You know what?
When we met, I didn't think you
was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
SHREK Yeah, I know. DONKEY So, uh,
are there any donkeys up there?
SHREK Well, there's, um, Gabby, the
Small and Annoying. DONKEY Okay,
okay, I see it now.
The big shiny one, right there.
That one there? SHREK
That's the moon. DONKEY Oh, okay.
CUT TO:
 47.

21 INT. 21

NIGHT. DULOC. FARQUAAD’S BEDROOM.

The camera pans past Princess Fiona’s wedding dress and Lord
Farquaad’s wedding
regalia. Soft Shrek theme music plays in the background.
Farquaad is in bed, with the
Magic Mirror repeatedly showing him scenes of Fiona.
FARQUAAD
Again, show me again.
Mirror, mirror, show her to me!
Show me the princess.
51
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

MIRROR
HMPH.
The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the
beginning.
FARQUAAD
Ah. Perfect.
Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up
to cover himself as though
Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in
the mirror.
CUT TO:

22 EXT. 22

MORNING. THE FOREST.

Fiona walks out of the cave. Shrek and Donkey are still
sleeping. She wanders off into the
woods and comes across a blue bird who begins to sing. The
bird sings along with her.
She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to
keep up with her. Suddenly
 48.

the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes.
Fiona takes the eggs that the
bird left behind and cooks them for breakfast.
DONKEY
(Quietly)
Mmm, yeah, you know I like, it like
that.
Ah, come on, baby. I said I like it.
SHREK Donkey, wake up.

Shrek shakes him awake.

DONKEY
Huh? What? SHREK Wake up. DONKEY
What?
(He)
stretches and yawns.) FIONA Good
morning. Hmm, how do you like your
eggs?
52
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
Oh, good morning, Princess!

SHREK
What's all this about? FIONA You
know, we kind of got off to a bad
start yesterday.
I wanted to make it up to you.
I mean, after all, you did rescue
me.
Fiona sets down the eggs in front of Donkey and Shrek.
SHREK
Uh, thanks.
Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips.
FIONA
Well, eat up. We've got a big day
ahead of us.
CUT TO:
 49.

23 EXT. 23
MORNING. THE FOREST. LATER.
Shrek, Donkey & Princess Fiona continue their journey to
DuLoc. Shrek belches.
DONKEY
Shrek! SHREK What? It's a
compliment.
Better out than in, I always say.
(laughs)
DONKEY Well, it's no way to behave
in front of a princess.
Fiona belches.
FIONA
Thanks.
53

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
SHE'S
as nasty as you are.
SHREK
(Chuckles.)
You know, you're not exactly what I
expected.
FIONA Well, maybe you shouldn't
judge people
before you get to know them. She
smiles
and then continues walking, singing
softly.
Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man
swings down
and swoops Fiona up into a tree.
ROBIN HOOD La liberte! Hey! SHREK
Princess!
FIONA
(to)
Robin Hood) What are you doing?
ROBIN HOOD Be still, mon cherie, for
I am you savior! And I am rescuing
you from this green...
Robin Hood kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in
disgust
 50.

FIONA
...beast! SHREK Hey! That's my
princess!
Go find your own! ROBIN HOOD Please,
monster!
Can't you see I'm a little busy
here? FIONA
(Getting)
fed up.)
Look, pal, I don't know who you
think you are!
54
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
ROBIN HOOD
Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude.
PLEASE
let me introduce myself.
Oh, Merry Men!
(Laughs)
Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the merry men jump
from the bushes. They

begin to sing Robin Hood's theme song.

MERRY
MEN
Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and
give to the needy.
MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage,
ROBIN HOOD
But I'm not greedy.
I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm
good.
MERRY MEN What a guy, Monsieur Hood.
ROBIN HOOD
Break it down.
(Dancing.)
I like an honest fight and a saucy
little maid...
MERRY MEN What he's basically saying
is he likes to get...
ROBIN HOOD Paid. So...When an ogre
in the bush grabs a lady by the
tush. That's bad. MERRY MEN That's
 51.

bad. That’s Bad. That’s Bad. ROBIN

HOOD
When a beauty's with a beast it
makes me awfully mad.
MERRY MEN He's mad, he's really,
really mad.
55
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
ROBIN HOOD
I'LL
take my blade and ram it through
your heart,
keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause
I'm about to start...
Fiona swings down from the tree, knocking Robin Hood
unconscious.
FIONA
Man, that was annoying! Shrek looks
at her in admiration.
MERRY MAN Oh, you little-‐ -‐
A merry man shoots an arrow at Fiona, she ducks it. This
launches a fight scene. Princess
Fiona karate chops and punches all the merry men until there
are no men left standing.
Donkey and Shrek are stunned.
FIONA
Uh, shall we? SHREK
(To Donkey)
Hold the phone.
Shrek drops Donkey, who lands heavily, and begins walking
after Fiona.
SHREK
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now.
Where did that come from? FIONA
What?
SHREK That! Back there. That was
amazing!
Where did you learn that?
56
 52.

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, uh,
ONE
has to learn these things in case
there's a...
(gasps)
and points) there's an arrow in your
butt!
SHREK What?
(Turns)
and looks.) Oh, would you look at
that?
Shrek begins to pull it out but flinches.
FIONA
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so
sorry.
DONKEY
(Walking up)
Why? What's wrong? FIONA Shrek's
hurt. DONKEY Shrek's hurt. Shrek's
hurt?
Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. SHREK
Donkey, I'm okay.
DONKEY You can't do this to me,
Shrek. I'm too young for you to die.
Keep you legs elevated. Turn your
head and cough.
Does anyone know the Heimlich? FIONA
Donkey! Calm down. If you want to
help Shrek,
run into the woods and find me a
blue flower with red thorns.
57
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
BLUE
flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it.
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue
flower, red thorns. Don't die
 53.

Shrek and if you see a long tunnel,

stay away from the light! SHREK &
FIONA Donkey! DONKEY Oh, yeah.
Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
Blue flower, red thorns.
(Donkey)
runs off.) SHREK What are the
flowers for? FIONA For getting rid
of Donkey. SHREK Ah. FIONA Now you
hold still, and I'll yank this thing
out.
(Fiona)
pulls the arrow a little.)
SHREK
(jumps away)
Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging
her.
FIONA
I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
SHREK No, it's tender.
FIONA Now, hold on.
SHREK What you're doing is the
opposite of help.
58
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
DON'T
move.
SHREK Look, look, time out. FIONA
Would you...
Shrek puts his hand over Fiona’s face to stop her from
getting at the arrow.
FIONA
Okay. What do you propose we do?
CUT TO:

24 EXT. 24
DAYTIME. FOREST.
Meanwhile, Donkey is still looking for the special flower.
 54.

DONKEY
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue
flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red
thorns.
This would be so much easier if I
wasn't color-‐blind!
Blue flower, red thorns.
Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK Ow!
DONKEY Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
Donkey rips a flower from a nearby bush. It is blue with red
thorns.
CUT TO:

25 EXT. 25
DAYTIME. FOREST.
Fiona and Shrek are still attending to the arrow in Shrek’s
butt. Donkey hurries back to
them.
SHREK
Ow! Not good.
59
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
OKAY.
Okay. I can nearly see the head.
(Shrek)
grunts as she pulls) It's just
about...
SHREK Ow! Ohh!
Shrek jerks. He falls over with Fiona on top of him.
DONKEY
(Clears)
his throat.)
SHREK Nothing happened.
(He)
throws Fiona off.)
We were just, uh -‐ -‐
DONKEY Look, if you wanted to be
alone,
 55.

all you had to do was ask. Okay?

SHREK Oh, come on! That's the last
thing on my mind.
The princess here was just—
Fiona pulls the arrow out.
SHREK
Ugh!
Shrek turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow
triumphantly.
SHREK
Ow! DONKEY Hey, what's that?
(Nervous chuckle.)
That's...is that blood?
60
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
CUT TO:

26 EXT. 26
DAYTIME. FOREST.
Donkey faints. Shrek picks him up as they continue on their
way. (Music plays.)
A montage of scenes including:
• Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make a bridge
over a creek.
• Shrek swatting at a bunch of flies and mosquitoes.
• Fiona using a spiderweb to catch bugs.
• Shrek catching a toad which he blows up like a balloon for
Fiona.

• Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up as a balloon animal

for Shrek.
CUT TO:

27 EXT. 27
 56.

DAYTIME. FOREST.
The group finally reach a windmill. In the distance is DuLoc.
SHREK
There it is, Princess. Your future
awaits you. FIONA That's DuLoc?
DONKEY
Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks
Lord Farquaad's
compensating for something,
which I think means he has a really…

Shrek steps heavily on his hoof.

DONKEY
Ow!
SHREK Um, I, uh-‐ -‐ I guess we
better move on.
FIONA
Sure. But, Shrek? I'm -‐ -‐ I'm
worried
about Donkey. SHREK What?
61
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
I
mean, look at him. He doesn't look
so good.
DONKEY What are you talking about?
I'm fine.
FIONA
(Fiona)
kneels to look him in the eyes.)
That's what they always say,
and then next thing you know, you're
on your back…
(pause)
dead! SHREK You know, she's right.
You look awful.
|Do you want to sit down?
FIONA Uh, you know, I'll make you
some tea.
DONKEY I didn't want to say nothin',
but I got this twinge in my neck,
and when I turn my head like this,
look,
(turns)
 57.

his neck in a very sharp way until

his head is completely sideways) Ow!
See?
SHREK Who's hungry? I'll find us
some dinner.
FIONA
I'll get the firewood.
DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? Oh,
man, I can't feel my toes!
(looks)
down and yelps)
I don't have any toes! I think I
need a hug.
62
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
CUT TO:

28 EXT. 28
SUNSET. FOREST.
Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner
while Fiona eats.
FIONA
Mmm. This is good. This is really
good. What is this? SHREK Uh, weed
rat. Rotisserie style. FIONA No
kidding. Well, this is delicious.
SHREK Well, they're also great in
stews.
Now, I don't mean to brag, but I
make a mean weed rat stew.
(Fiona chuckles.)
Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs.
FIONA I guess I'll be dining a
little differently tomorrow night.
SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in
the swamp sometime.
I'll cook all kind of stuff for you.
Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare -‐
-‐ you name it.
FIONA
(Smiles)
I'd like that.
They smile at each other.
 58.

SHREK
Um, Princess?
FIONA Yes, Shrek?
SHREK I, um, I was wondering...are
you...(sighs) Are you gonna eat
that?
DONKEY
(chuckles)
Man, isn't this romantic? Just look
at that sunset.
63
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
(jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-‐It's very
late.
SHREK
What! DONKEY
Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on
here.
You're afraid of the dark, aren't
you?
FIONA Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm
terrified.
You know, I'd better go inside.
DONKEY Don't feel bad, Princess.
I used to be afraid of the dark,
too, until -‐
Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of
the dark.
(Shrek sighs.)
FIONA
Good night.
SHREK Good night. Fiona goes inside
the windmill and closes the door.
Donkey looks at Shrek with a new
eye.
DONKEY Ohh! Now I really see what's
goin' on here.
SHREK Oh, what are you talkin'
about? DONKEY I don't even wanna
hear it.
Look, I'm an animal, and I got
instincts.
And I know you two were diggin' on
each other. I could feel it.
SHREK
 59.

You're crazy. I'm just bringing her

back to Farquaad.
DONKEY
Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and
smell the pheromones.
Just go on in and tell her how you
feel.
64
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK
I-‐ -‐ There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell
her that,

well, you know -‐ -‐ and I'm not sayin' I do '

CAUSE
I don't -‐ -‐ she's a princess, and
I'm
-‐ -‐
DONKEY An ogre? SHREK Yeah. An ogre.
DONKEY Hey, where you goin'?
SHREK To get... move firewood.
(sighs)
Donkey looks over at the large pile
of firewood there already is.
CUT TO:

29 INT. 29
NIGHT. THE WINDMILL.
Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is
nowhere to be seen.
DONKEY
Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess,
where are you? Princess?
Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her.
DONKEY
It's very spooky in here. I ain't
playing no games.
Suddenly Fiona falls from the
railing.
 60.

She gets up only she doesn’t look

like herself.
She looks like an ogre and Donkey
starts freaking out.
DONKEY Aah!
FIONA Oh, no!
DONKEY No, help!
65
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
Shh!
DONKEY
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
FIONA No, it's okay. It's okay.
DONKEY What did you do with the
princess?
FIONA But Donkey, I'm the princess.
DONKEY Aah! FIONA It's me, in this
body.
DONKEY
Oh, my God! You ate the princess.
(To)
her stomach.) Can you hear me?
FIONA Donkey!
DONKEY
(Still)
aimed at her stomach.)
Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you
out of there!
FIONA No! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek!
Shrek!
FIONA Shh.
DONKEY
Shrek! FIONA This is me. Donkey
looks into her eyes
as she pets his muzzle, and he
quiets down.
66
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
Princess? What happened to you?
 61.

You're, uh, uh, uh, different.

FIONA
I'm ugly, okay?
DONKEY Well, yeah! Was it something
you ate?
'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a
bad idea.
You are what you eat, I said. Now -‐
-‐
FIONA
No. I -‐ -‐ I've been this way as
long as I can remember. DONKEY What
do you mean?
Look, I ain't never seen you like
this before. FIONA It only happens
when sun goes down.
"By night one way, by day another.
This shall be the norm...
until you find true love's first
kiss... and then take love's true
form." DONKEY Ah, that's beautiful.
I didn't know you wrote poetry.
FIONA
It's a spell.
(sigh)
When I was a little girl, a witch
cast a spell on me.
Every night I become this. This
horrible, ugly beast!
I was placed in a tower to await the
day
my true love would rescue me.
That's why I have to marry Lord
Farquaad
tomorrow before the sun sets
and he sees me like this.
(She)
begins to cry.)
DONKEY
All right, all right. Calm down.
Look, it's not that bad.
You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't
gonna lie. You are ugly.
But you only look like this at
night. Shrek's ugly 24-‐7.
67
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
 62.

BUT
Donkey, I'm a princess,
and this is not how a princess is
meant to look.
DONKEY Princess, how 'bout if you
don't marry Farquaad?
FIONA I have to. Only my true love's
kiss can break the spell.
DONKEY
But, you know, um, you're kind of an
orge,
and Shrek -‐ -‐ well, you got a lot
in common.
FIONA Shrek?
Outside, Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a
sunflower in his hand.
SHREK
(To himself)
Princess, I -‐ -‐ Uh, how’s it going,
first of all?
Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay.
I saw this flower and thought of you
because it's pretty and -‐ -‐
well, I don't really like it, but I
thought you might like it 'cause
you're pretty.
But I like you anyway.
I'd -‐ -‐ uh, uh...(sighs)
I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
Shrek walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears
Donkey and Fiona talking.
FIONA
I can't just marry whoever I want.
Take a good look at me, Donkey.
I mean, really, who can ever love a
beast so hideous and ugly?
"Princess" and "ugly"
don't go together.
That's why I can't stay here with
Shrek. Shrek steps back in shock.
My only chance to live happily ever
after is to marry my true love.
Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws
the flower down and walks away.
68
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
 63.

FIONA
DON'T
you see, Donkey?
That's just how it has to be.
It's the only way to break the
spell. DONKEY You at least gotta
tell Shrek the truth.
FIONA No! You can't breathe a word.
No one must ever know.
DONKEY What's the point of being
able to talk if you gotta keep
secrets? FIONA Promise you won't
tell. Promise!
DONKEY All right, all right. I won't
tell him. But you should.
(goes outside)
I just know before this is over,
I'm gonna need a whole lot of
serious therapy.
Look at my eye twitchin'.
Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks
down and spots the
sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the
windmill.
CUT TO:

30 INT. 30
MORNING. THE WINDMILL.
Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still
awake. She is plucking petals
from the sunflower.
FIONA
I tell him, I tell him not.
I tell him, I tell him not. I tell
him.
Fiona exits the windmill, looking for Shrek, to tell him the
truth.
69
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
 64.

FIONA
Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want...
The sun rises and Fiona turns back into a human. Shrek stomps
towards her.
FIONA
Shrek. Are you all right?
SHREK Perfect! Never been better.
FIONA
I -‐ -‐ I don't -‐ -‐ There's
something I have to tell you.
SHREK You don't have to tell me
anything, Princess.
I heard enough last night.
FIONA You heard what I said?
SHREK Every word. FIONA
I thought you'd understand.
SHREK Oh, I understand.
Like you said, "Who could love a
hideous, ugly beast?"
FIONA But I thought that wouldn't
matter to you.
SHREK Yeah? Well, it does.
Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a
group approaching.
70
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK
Ah, right on time.
Princess, I've brought you a little something.
Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very
regal sitting up on his
horse. You would never guess that he's only like 3 feet tall.
Donkey wakes up with a
yawn as the soldiers march by.
DONKEY
What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
(Donkey)
spots the soldiers.)
SOLDIER
 65.

(Muffled)
Who said that? Couldn't have been
the donkey.
FARQUAAD Princess Fiona.
SHREK As promised. Now hand it over.
FARQUAAD Very well, ogre.
Farquaad holds out title deed.
FARQUAAD
The deed to your swamp, cleared out,
as agreed.
Take it and go before I change my
mind.
Shrek takes the title deed to the swamp.
FARQUAAD
Forgive me, Princess, for startling
you, but you startled me,
for I have never seen such a radiant
beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.
71
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
LORD
Farquaad? Oh, no, no.
Farquaad snaps his fingers.
FIONA
Forgive me, my lord, for I was just
saying a short...
She watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down
in front of her.
He reaches her waist.
FIONA
…farewell.
FARQUAAD Oh, that is so sweet. You
don't have to waste good manners
on the ogre. It's not like it has
feelings. FIONA
No, you're right. It doesn't.
Donkey watches this exchange with a
curious look on his face.
 66.

FARQUAAD Princess Fiona, beautiful,

fair, flawless Fiona.
I ask your hand in marriage.
Will you be the perfect bride for
the perfect groom?
FIONA
Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing
would make -‐ -‐
FARQUAAD
(Interrupting)
Excellent!
I'll start the plans, for tomorrow
we wed!
FIONA No! I mean, uh, why wait?
Let's get married today before the
sun sets.
72
SHREK

1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD
Oh, anxious, are you? You're right.
THE
sooner, the better.
There's so much to do! There's the
caterer, the cake, the band, the
guest list.
Captain, round up some guests!
A guard puts Fiona on the back of Farquaad’s horse.
FIONA
Fare-‐thee-‐well, ogre.
Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey
watches them go.

DONKEY
Shrek, what are you doing? You're
letting her get away. SHREK Yeah? So
what? DONKEY Shrek, there's
something about her you don't know.
Look, I talked to her last night,
She's -‐ -‐ SHREK I know you talked
to her last night.
You're great pals, aren't ya?
Now, if you two are such good
friends, why don't you follow her
home?
 67.

DONKEY Shrek, I -‐ -‐ I wanna go with

you.
SHREK
I told you, didn't I?
You're not coming home with me. I
live alone!
My swamp! Me! Nobody else!
Understand? Nobody!
Especially useless, pathetic,
annoying, talking donkeys!
73
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
BUT
I thought -‐ -‐
SHREK Yeah. You know what? You
thought wrong!
(Shrek)
stomps off.)(Music plays.)
CUT TO: MONTAGE OF DIFFERENT SCENES.
• Shrek arriving back home.

• Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress.

• Donkey at a stream running into the dragon.
• Shrek cleaning up his house.
• Fiona eating dinner alone.
• Shrek eating dinner alone.
CUT TO:

31 INT/EXT. 31
DAYTIME. SHREKS HOUSE.
Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes
outside to investigate.
SHREK
Donkey?
Donkey ignores him and continues with what he's doing.
 68.

SHREK
What are you doing?
DONKEY I would think, of all people,
you would recognize a wall when you
see one.
SHREK
Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed
to go around my swamp, not through
it.
DONKEY It is around your half. See
that's your half, and this is my
half.
SHREK Oh! Your half. Hmm.
74
SHREK
1 SCRIPT

DONKEY
Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess.
I
did half the work. I get half the
booty.
Now hand me that big old rock, the
one that looks like your head.
SHREK Back off! DONKEY No, you back
off.
SHREK This is my swamp!
DONKEY
Our swamp.
Shrek grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with.
SHREK
Let go, Donkey!
DONKEY You let go. SHREK
Stubborn jackass!
DONKEY Smelly ogre.
SHREK
Fine!
Shrek drops the tree branch and walks away.
DONKEY
Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not
through with you yet.
SHREK
Well, I'm through with you.
75
 69.

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
Uh-‐uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!"

Well, guess what! Now it's my turn!

SO
you just shut up and pay attention!
You are mean to me.
You insult me and you don't
appreciate anything that I do!
You're always pushing me around or
pushing me away.
SHREK Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated
you so bad, how come you came back?
DONKEY Because that's what friends
do! They forgive each other!
SHREK Oh, yeah. You're right,
Donkey.
I forgive you... for stabbin' me in
the back!
Shrek goes into the outside toilet and slams the door.
DONKEY
Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers,
onion boy,
you're afraid of your own feelings.
SHREK
Go away!
DONKEY
There you are, doing it again just
like you did to Fiona. A ll she ever
do was like you, maybe even love
you.
SHREK
Love me? She said I was ugly, a
hideous creature.
I heard the two of you talking.
DONKEY
She wasn't talkin' about you.
She was talkin' about, uh, somebody
else.
76

SHREK
1 SCRIPT
 70.

SHREK
(Shrek opens the door and comes out.)
SHE
wasn't talking about me?
Well, then who was she talking
about?
DONKEY
Uh-‐uh, no way. I ain't saying
anything.
You don't wanna listen to me. Right?
Right?
SHREK Donkey!
DONKEY No!
SHREK Okay, look. I'm sorry, all
right?
(Sigh.)
I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big,
stupid, ugly ogre.
Can you forgive me?
DONKEY
Hey, that's what friends are for,
right?
SHREK Right. Friends?
DONKEY Friends.
SHREK
So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
DONKEY
What are you asking me for? Why
don't you just go ask her?
SHREK The wedding! We'll never make
it in time.
DONKEY Ha-‐ha-‐ha! Never fear, for
where there's a will,
there's a way and I have a way.
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SHREK
1 SCRIPT
Donkey whistles and the dragon that was guarding Princess
Fiona in the tower arrives
overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on.
SHREK
Donkey?
DONKEY I guess it's just my animal
magnetism.
(They)
both laugh.)
 71.

SHREK Aw, come here, you.

(Shrek)
gives Donkey a cuddle.) DONKEY All
right, all right. Don't get all
slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
All right, hop on and hold on tight.
I haven't had a chance to install
the seat belts yet.
They climb aboard the dragon and she races towards DuLoc.
CUT TO:

32 INT. 32
DAYTIME. DULOC CHURCH.
Princess Fiona and Lord Farquaad are getting married. The
whole town is there. The
prompter card guy holds up various cards which instruct the
audience what to do.
PRIEST
People of DuLoc, we gather here
today to bear witness to the
union....
FIONA
(Eyeing)
the setting sun)
Um-‐
PRIEST ...of our new king...
FIONA
Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead
to the "I do's"?
78
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD
(Chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona.)

GO
on.
CUT TO:

33 EXT. 33
 72.

DAYTIME. DULOC COURTYARD.

Guards are milling around. The dragon lands heavily,
scattering the guards.
DONKEY
(to Dragon)
Go ahead, have some fun.
If we need you, I'll whistle. How
about that?
The dragon nods and goes after the
guards.
DONKEY
Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute!
You wanna do this right, don't you?
SHREK
(At)
the Church door)
What are you talking about?
DONKEY There's a line you gotta wait
for.
The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now
or
forever hold your peace."
That's when you say, "I object!"
SHREK
I don't have time for this!
DONKEY
Hey, wait. What are you doing?
Listen to me!
Look, you love this woman, don't
you?
SHREK
Yes.

79
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
DONKEY
YOU
wanna hold her?
SHREK
Yes.
DONKEY
Please her?
SHREK
Yes! DONKEY
(Singing)
James Brown style) Then you got to,
got to try a little tenderness.
 73.

(Normal)
The chicks love that romantic crap!
SHREK All right! Cut it out. When
does this guy say the line?
DONKEY We gotta check it out.
CUT TO:

34 INT. 34
DAYTIME. DULOC CHURCH.
As the priest talks Donkey's shadow is crossing past one of
the windows.
Shrek is tossing him up so he can see what is going on.
PRIEST
And so, by the power vested in me...
CUT TO:

35 EXT. 35
DAYTIME. DULOC COURTYARD.
SHREK
What do you see?
DONKEY
The whole town's in there. Inside.
80
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
CUT TO:

36 INT. 36

DAYTIME. DULOC CHURCH.

PRIEST
I now pronounce you husband and
wife...
CUT TO:

37 EXT. 37
 74.

DAYTIME. DULOC COURTYARD.

DONKEY
They're at the altar.
CUT TO:

38 INT. 38
DAYTIME. DULOC CHURCH.
PRIEST
...king and queen.
CUT TO:

39 EXT. 39
DAYTIME. DULOC COURTYARD.
DONKEY
Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
SHREK Oh, for the love of Pete!
Shrek runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the
ground hard.
CUT TO:

40 INT. 40
DAYTIME. DULOC CHURCH.
SHREK
(Running)
toward the alter)
I object!
FIONA Shrek?
81
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek.
FARQUAAD
Oh, now what does he want?
SHREK
(to)
 75.

congregation as he reaches the front

of the Church)
Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time,
are ya?
I love DuLoc, first of all. Very
clean.
FIONA What are you doing here?
SHREK Really, it's rude enough being
alive when no one wants you,
but showing up uninvited to a
wedding... SHREK Fiona! I need to
talk to you.
FIONA
Oh, now you wanna talk?
It's a little late for that, so if
you'll excuse me -‐ -‐
SHREK But you can't marry him.
FIONA And why not? SHREK
Because-‐ -‐ Because he's just
marring you so he can be king.
FARQUAAD Outrageous! Fiona, don't
listen to him.
SHREK He's not your true love.
FIONA
And what do you know about true
love?
SHREK Well, I -‐ -‐ Uh -‐ -‐ I mean
-‐ -‐
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SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD
Oh, this is precious.
THE
ogre has fallen in love with the
princess!
Oh, good Lord.
(He laughs.)
The usher holds up a prompter card that says 'Laugh' so the
whole congregation laughs.
FARQUAAD
An ogre and a princess!
FIONA Shrek, is this true? FARQUAAD
Who cares? It's preposterous!
Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss
away from our "happily ever after."
 76.

Now kiss me!

Lord Farquaad puckers his lips and leans toward her for a
kiss, but she pulls back.
FIONA
(looking)
at the setting sun)
"By night one way, by day another."
(To Shrek.)
I wanted to show you before.
She backs up towards the windows. As the sun sets, Princess
Fiona changes into an ogre.
She gives Shrek a sheepish smile.
SHREK
Well, uh, that explains a lot.
Fiona smiles.
83
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FARQUAAD
Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards!
I
order you to get that out of my
sight now!
Get them! Get them both!
The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights
them.
SHREK
No, no! FIONA Shrek!
FARQUAAD This hocus-‐pocus alters
nothing.
This marriage is binding, and that
makes me king! See! See! FIONA No,
let go of me! Shrek!
SHREK No! FARQUAAD Don't just stand
there, you morons.
SHREK Get out of my way! Fiona!
Arrgh! FARQUAAD I'll make you regret
the day we met.
I'll see you drawn and quartered!
You'll beg for death to save you!
 77.

FIONA No, Shrek!

FARQUAAD
(Lord)
Farquaad holds a dagger to Fiona's
throat.)
And as for you, my wife...
84
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
SHREK
Fiona!
FARQUAAD
I'll have you locked back in that
tower for the rest of your days!
I'm king! Shrek manages to get a
hand free and he whistles.
FARQUAAD I will have order! I will
have perfection! I will have -‐ -‐
Donkey and the dragon show up. They smash a window, the
dragon leans down and eats
Lord Farquaad, with Donkey riding on her head.
FARQUAAD
Aaaah! Aah!
DONKEY
All right. Nobody move.
I got a dragon here, and I'm not
afraid to use it.
The dragon roars.
DONKEY
I'm a donkey on the edge!
The dragon belches and Farquaad's
crown flies out of her mouth and
falls to the ground.
DONKEY Celebrity marriages. They
never last, do they?
The congregation cheers.
DONKEY
Go ahead, Shrek. SHREK Uh, Fiona?
 78.

85
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
FIONA
Yes, Shrek?
SHREK
I -‐ -‐ I love you. FIONA Really?
SHREK Really, really.
FIONA
(Smiles.)
I love you too.
Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and
writes 'Awwww' on the back
and then shows it to the congregation.
CONGREGATION
Aawww!
Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's
lifted up into the air and she

hovers and spins, while the magic works around her.

WHISPERS
"Until you find true love's first
kiss and then take love's true form.
Take love's true form. Take love's
true form."
Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell
and then is slowly
lowered to the ground.
SHREK
(Going)
over to her.)
Fiona, Fiona. Are you all right?
FIONA
(She)
stands up, she's still an ogre.)
Well, yes. But I don't understand.
I'm supposed to be beautiful.
86
SHREK
 79.

1 SCRIPT
SHREK
BUT
you are beautiful.
Shrek and Princess Fiona smile at
each other.
DONKEY
(Chuckles.)
I was hoping this would be a happy
ending.
Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss
fades into...
CUT TO:

41 EXT. 41
DAYTIME. SWAMP.
...their wedding kiss.
Shrek and Fiona are now married. Shrek and Fiona break apart
and run through the
crowd to their awaiting carriage, a giant onion. Fiona tosses
her bouquet, which both
Cinderella and Snow White fight over, so the dragon catches
it instead.
The Gingerbread man has one leg and walks with a candy cane.
Shrek and Fiona walk off
as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing
the song. (Music plays: I’m
a Believer/Smash Mouth.)
GINGERBREAD
MAN
God bless us, every one.
DONKEY C’mon ya all….
(Singing)
Then I saw her face, ha ha, now I’m
a believer, Not a trace of doubt in
my mind, I’m in love, oh-‐ah I’m a
believer, I couldn’t leave her if I
tried. Then I saw her face, now I’m
a believer, hey! Not a trace of
doubt in my mind, one more time! I’m
 80.

in love, I’m a believer, c’mon! I

believe,
(x9)
hey!
87
SHREK
1 SCRIPT
I believe, I believe, people in the back!
I
believe, I’m a believer, I believe
Believe… Believe…
(Laughs)
Fade to black.
DONKEY
Oh, that's funny.
Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't
breathe.
-‐-‐-‐END-‐-‐-‐
88
SHREK
1 SCRIPT