Dr Bronwyn Clarke

Ortopaedic Surgeon

Orthopaedic Department

Main Hospital

Greenville

17/10/2015

Dear Dr Clarke,

Re: Mrs Maria Santini DOB: 08/01/198448

I am writing to refer Mrs Santini, a 67-year-old widow, who has been diagnosed with a baker’s
cyst in the right knee along with worsening osteoarthritis. It would be highly appreciated if you
could take over care of her condition.

Although Mrs Santini has two adult children, she lives alone. She has a medical history of
osteoarthritis, hypertension and hyperlipedaeima fror which she takes regular medications.
Please note, she had undergone underwent a lumbar laminectomy in(2008) and a bilateral hip Commented [LA1]: There is no need to use the past perfect
here as there is no more recent event that you have to differentiate
replacement in (2010). between.

Today, Mrs Santini presented with a six-week-history of severely progressing pain in the right
and left knee joints, mostly with flexion and extension. Over the last four weeks, she has
experienced restrict joint mobility associated with mild to moderate persistent pain; thus, a
referral to a Pphysiotherapist was arranged. Furthermore, her daily life activities have been
notably affected and she has been was unable to walk for a short distance, besides she has Commented [LA2]: As you used the present perfect before.

recently developed a difficulty in climbing the stairs. Therefore, she has sustained conspicuous
depression symptoms; consequently, home assessment was considered.

Upon examination, there were concomitant crepitations in the right and left knee joints on
both flexion and extension. Despite her MRI revealed revealing degenerative changes Commented [LA3]: Despite + gerund.
consistent with osteoarthritis, there were was no evidences of skin changes, swelling or Commented [LA4]: Uncountable.

valgus/varus deformity.

In view of the above, I am therefore referring Mrs Santini for further assessment and
management including the possibility of a joint steroid injection. For any queries, please
contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor

NB: please I need stress on comma positions. I have inserted a comma after ‘distance’.

Writing Grade and Feedback

Grade: B-
This is a promising first letter which has some strong aspects, including an attempt at a good range of grammatical structures and
cohesive devices. The layout of the letter is also appropriate. In addition, all key points have been mentioned.

Areas to work on:

 Checking your letter for small mistakes

 Correct use of the past perfect
 Writing the address exactly as it appears in the case notes
 Needs
Overall Task Fulfillment Strong Average
Review

Introduction structure and focus X

Body paragraphs//organisation//planning//word length X

Conclusion X

Needs
Comprehension of Stimulus Strong Average
Review

Focus on main issue X

Omits non-relevant information X

Accurate content X

Ability to summarise & paraphrase X

Needs
Appropriateness of Language Strong Average
Review

Formal//objective style X

Expands on medical acronyms//case notes X

Use of signal words//time references X

Needs
Control of Linguistic Features Strong Average
Review

Verb use: active/passive// present perfect//simple past//verb subject

X
agreement

Use of Articles//pronouns// prepositions//plural/singular form/possessive X

Sentence structure: compound & complex sentences//balance X

Word form & choice (nouns//verbs//adjectives//phrasal verbs) : X

Needs
Control of Presentation Features Strong Average
Review

Letter format X

Spelling//Capitals//Punctuation X