Infinite

of the
Caves
Shroom Goblins a strange environment by Dyson Logos

Shroom Goblin Species & Powers

(roll 1d12)

1. Violet Goblin has scary-looking antlers.

The Infinite Caves was originally thrown out as a challenge
2. White Goblin typical goblin but very, very pale.
for people to stock a tesseract-style dungeon map that JDJar-
3. Lumpy Goblin goblin is misshapen with massive nose, ears
vis had built while making a selection of very cool hexagonal
or other body parts.
dungeon geomorphs (along with a bunch of other unorthodox
4. Explosive Goblin this goblin explodes in a pressurized blast
shapes that still link together perfectly with my own dungeon
of harmless spores when slain. Frightening but harmless.
geomorphs.)
5. Shrieking Goblin screams very loudly when alarmed. At-
tracts other goblins to the scene of the action.
The inspiration for this version of the Infinite Caves is dis-
6. Ascomoid Goblin tucks himself into his heavy armour (+2
tinctly based on the Froud Goblins of the movie Labyrinth. If
AC) and rolls down the caves, charging into his opponents
you can picture these goblins dancing around to dance magic,
at double normal speed. However, he must make a save ver-
dance! then youve got the right idea. These are pretty much
sus paralysis after charging an opponent or spend the next
comedic relief goblins, not wanna-be Tuckers Kobolds.
round stunned.
7. Basidirond Goblin when killed, this goblin erupts into a 15
The Infinite Caves exist on their own little sub-plane (thus ex-
radius cloud of spores that last for 1 round and cause confu-
plaining the horrible mapping confusion that will occur when
sion (save versus poison to resist) for 1 turn for anyone who
the characters start exploring). Access is by a magic portal,
contacts or breathes them during that round.
and for all we know there may be nearly infinite numbers of
8. Contagious Goblin anyone wounded by this goblin must
these portals on the prime material plane, but they all enter the
save versus poison or become infected with a horrible fun-
caves in the same manner, dumping the party out in between
gal infection that deals 1d30 damage per day that cannot be
the mirrors in area 10 of the caves.
healed until the infection is removed (via cure disease). If
the disease kills the victim, 1d4 shroom-goblins erupt from
the corpse.
9. Spotted Goblin massive warts cover the goblin. Anyone
The goblins of these caves are a unique species, having more in touching the goblin (such as attacking with natural weap-
common with mushrooms than they have with the other gobli- ons) must save versus poison or grow similar nasty warts.
noid species. In fact, the population of the caves replenishes 10. Cubic Goblin roll 1d6 twice on this table.
spontaneously when it starts to shrink due to excessive vio- 11. Absurd Goblin roll 1d8 twice on this table.
lence (seriously, how else to shroom-goblins die? old age? not 12. The Nuclear Option treat as a cubic goblin, but explodes as
likely!) with new shroom-goblins emerging full formed from the contagious, spotted basidirond goblin.
walls and floors, first appearing to be ugly warty mushrooms,
but thats actually the nose, ear, toes or forehead of the goblin
emerging from the earth and stone walls. The Goblin Factions
There are a variety of subspecies of shroom-goblins in the There are two factions of shroom-goblins in the caves. The first
caves. When it becomes important regarding what kind of is based around the Goblin King in areas 24-26. The opposing
shroom-goblin we are dealing with, roll on the shroom-goblin or rebel faction of goblins are based in 1, 4, 15-17. The rebels
table below typically roll once on this table for a special goblin have no leader as such, they just rebel. When goblins with no
in any group if feeling particularly nasty have half or even all faction are encountered, roll 1d4 on the Faction Table. Wander-
of the group exhibit these traits. Dont actually roll for every ing monster goblins are rolled for, even if in the turf of the op-
individual goblin. Seriously. Dont do it. I warned you! posing faction, because they get confused like that.
 Random Goblin Factions weapons. Each has two vials of explosive flaming acid when
(roll 1d4) thrown they deal 2d6 damage to the primary target, and 1d6
damage to everyone within 10 feet. Those failing a saving
1. Goblin King Loyalists throw against dragon breath are covered in the flaming acid,
2. Rebels dealing a further 1d4 damage per round for 1d4 rounds. An-
3. Unaware of the factions archy!
4. Arguing over their faction alignment (if only one goblin is
encountered, he is actually arguing out loud with himself) 5. The Screaming Cave this cave contains a collection of wild
shriekers and one old goblin that the shriekers are so used to
that they ignore him now. Unfortunately for him, hes stone
Wandering Monsters deaf from years of shrieking and wont hear them if they do
(1 in 4, roll every turn, roll 1d12 for type) start to shriek because there is an intruder in the cave. Hes
so old and grizzled that hes got 11 hit points mostly gristle
1. 2d4 Goblins and sheer hardheadedness. He also has a Cheese Knife +1, +3
2. 1d6+1 Goblins versus Slimes, Molds and Oozes (1d2 damage).
3. 3d3 Goblins
4. 1d8 Goblins 6. The Lurking Stones when someone walks into this cave the
5. 2d3+1 Goblins ceiling begins to creak and make noises like it is about to
6. 1d10 Goblins collapse, accompanied by dust and small stones falling to the
7. 1d3+1d6 Goblins floor. If ignored, portions of it will indeed fall anyone in the
8. 3d4-2 Goblins room must save versus petrification or take 1d12+1 damage.
9. 1d3+2 Goblins However, just telling the ceiling to stop with the theatrics
10. 1d4+1 Goblins (or any similar demand) will shut it up it just wants at-
11. 2d4-1 Goblins tention. Particularly unpleasant comments will be rewarded
12. 3d3-1 Goblins with a sprinkling of dust and sand on the speaker as they
cross the room, but it will remain safe.
Room Contents
7. Oubliette the entrance to this cave is partially concealed by
1. Headquarters of the Rebel Faction contains 4d4 goblins spider webs and no goblin obviously goes here, even though
and two massive mutant goblins (hobgoblins). They like to there are a few jeweled doodads on the floor. The floor in
sit around campfires and sing songs about being merry men this room stretches like a very old and abused trampoline,
and valiant robbers, but they often forget what they are sing- until anyone in the room finds themselves in a sheer-sided
ing about and start singing pro-goblin king songs Dance space sunken almost 20 feet below the proper floor level of
magic dance! the cave. The jeweled doodads are costume jewelry from a
goblin masquerade ball, and are worth 20 gp, or the eter-
2. Guardpost two stone goblins faces leer out of the wall. If nal gratitude of any of a number of young goblin girls who
they react badly to the party they begin to scream hostile desperately wished they had gorgeous doodads for the mas-
THINGS at the screaming bloody chamber, you idiot fungi! querade balls.
and similar. If they react well, they will tell the party about
the local politics, how to make a decent goblin souffle, and 8. Tropical Hideaway 8 goblins make this cave their home, and
will try to sell their spit as magic spit for 30 gp a vial (they have some pretty decent furniture. They are quite welcom-
swallow the gold if paid, and the party has to provide the ing to any visitors. In the alcove in the northeast corner, a
vials). tapestry covers most of the wall. The tapestry is of a huge
fireplace in a grand hall of some kind. The fireplace in the
3. The Angry Rug a scouting party of 6 loyalist goblins are cur- tapestry produces heat almost as if the fire were in the room
rently having their cover blown by the rug they were walk- keeping the room toasty and warm (although the fire isnt
ing across. Fed up with dirty goblin feet, the rug is trying hot enough to really cook with, it does keep cooked food
to convince the goblins that they are jerks, and that they warm and can be used for slow-cooked meals like soups).
should at least clean off their feet. If treated with respect
(and at least a little over-the-top groveling, as well as clean 9. Drooling Shrooms this cave has been given over to a mush-
feet), the rug can be a source of information about the com- room garden / forest a food source for the local populace.
ings and goings of goblins. Really good convincing will have However, the Giant Chartreuse Toadstools have just ma-
it also give the location of the secret panel in room 26, where tured, and anyone getting too close will trigger their defen-
the carpet used to be before he got all faded. sive response of emitting a foul semi-intelligent slime mold
treated in all ways as a bright pink ochre jelly.
4. Hardcore Goblins this cave has a single campfire, separated
from the ones in area 1 because the goblins here are just too 10. Entry Chamber yeah, you start in room 10. Nice and easy
hardcore for the ones back there. These six goblins are for the DM to figure it out when he pulls this out for a one-
confirmed rebel anarchists and wield home-made explosive night game and then has to dig through the whole thing just
flaming acid vials as well as their usual home-made melee trying to hunt down the starting point when there are
Map by JDJarvis of Aeons & Auguries (http://aeonsnaugauries.blogspot.com/)
 no obvious entries on the map. This cave looks like it was three statues of elves, each pointing a finger forward two
blasted into existence somehow with jagged points of stone at around face level, one much lower. If the statues are ro-
jutting in towards the centre of the room. In the centre of tated the right way (turned to face each other so one elf is
the room are three ten foot tall mirrors set into a triangle poking the other in the eye, that elf is poking the third in
(or a vertical prism). When outsiders arrive in the tesseract the ear, and the third is poking the first in the butt), any-
caves, they appear in the triangular space between these one standing in the centre of the three elven statues is tele-
mirrors, and one of the three mirrors slides aside to let them ported to room 26, the Goblin Kings audience chamber. If
out. However, leaving requires the consent of the goblin someone activates the emergency exit system from room 26,
king. There are rarely goblins in this room (except passing the three statues will rotate into the same positions. Once
through), because it freaks them out. The goblin king always activated and the teleport has occurred, the three statues
posts a watch here to track newcomers to his domain, but no rotate to random facings. This area is guarded by four goblin
goblin actually serves the watch instead they hide some- loyalists who have no clue what they are guarding, and thus
where else until their duty time is over and report back that dont do much of a guard job and will actually work along
no one came through. with any characters trying to figure out how the elven stat-
ues work doubly so if one of the characters is an elf (and
11. Bartertown! this whole cave contains the illusion of a thriv- laughing quite loudly when it is discovered that one elf stat-
ing village with peoples of many races shopping and discuss- ue is meant to be poking the other in the butt what do you
ing the weather, the price of tea, and so on. Amongst the illu- expect from that kind of fairie anyways?)
sionary buildings the goblins have set up their actual trading
booths and homes, enjoying the sense of business that comes 15. Fungus 44. The rebel faction uses this small widening in the
with the location. There are at least a dozen goblins here at cave as cold storage. While the rest of the caves are pretty
any time, ready to sell to any real customers among the il- uniform in temperature, a mutant strain of brown mold has
lusion (and theyll recognize real customers as theyve seen made this area particularly chilly without being too danger-
the illusions day after day), and another score or more who ously so. The goblins keep desert mushrooms in wooden box-
live here but spend most of their time out in the caves. Spe- es here that are half covered by the harmless mold. Deeper
cialties of Bartertown include slime mold curd cheese, chew- within the mold are the bodies of three young adventurers
ing dung, wooden weapons and armour, and a variety of who came here at least a decade ago, preserved by the cold.
strange spices and dried fungus to make other fungus more Among their belongings are a few things the goblins couldnt
appetizing. use and left with them a pair of Boots of Elvenkind, Dur-
blade a two-handed sword +1 that deals +1d6 magical dam-
12. Lost Goblins in both alcoves in this room are terrified look- age on command for 1d4 rounds once per day, and a scroll
ing goblins, frozen immobile, one actually in mid-air. The of mirror image and bless yes, on the same scroll. One half
entries to these alcoves seem to be blocked by a magical field clerical, one half arcane. There are also a pair of goblins on
that can be pushed through with some effort. Anyone en- guard here protecting (read: snacking upon) the food sup-
tering an alcove (which cant be done accidentally) will be ply.
frozen in time in there until released. To release someone
from an alcove, someone else must take his place, which im- 16. Infinite Coin. The great coup of the rebels has been the theft
mediately ejects the previous tenant. The two current goblin of the local mint. The official coin of the caves is an iron py-
tenants were forced in to get someone else out (one was ac- rite coin (fools gold) made by a strange magical device de-
tually physically thrown in by a group of angry rebels who signed in the form of a slightly larger-than-life bust of the
were busting one of their pals out of the clink as it were). Goblin King. If you ask nicely, the bust of the king opens its
mouth and there is a gold coin on its tongue. It wont do it
13. Big Noses Lair fifteen goblins live here with Big Nose, a again for 1d6 hours. Of course, the bust has been disfigured
goblin with a particularly normal nose, heck it might even be by the rebel faction now that they are in possession of it it
a bit on the small side. They live life as goblins tend to eat- now sports a jaunty chapeau of dung, and has a large mus-
ing, belching, farting, playing crude tricks on one another tache drawn on it. The mint is always kept under guard, with
and groveling in the presence of the goblin king. It turns out d4+5 goblins in position around it nervous, belligerent, and
that Big Nose is a title, and anyone who kills or defeats Big well-armed.
Nose will get the title for the remainder of their stay in the
caves and somehow every goblin they meet will know that 17. Smoov. This cave has been worn down to very smooth walls
he or she is the new Big Nose. The southern rough exit from and floor, and is home to 8 rebel faction goblins. In the cen-
this cave is a steep natural staircase of black stone that is tre of the cave is a seven-foot tall stone column, and from the
somehow intimidating by its very nature. In fact, very few centre of the column clean clear water pours out, trickling
goblins ever use said stairs, getting to area 14 the long way down the sides to a hand-carved basin in the floor around
(via 5, 6, 28, 29, 8, 9, 27). Anyone wanting to use the stairs it.
feels sudden vertigo when looking up or down them, and
must make a save versus spells or be unable to climb them. 18. Dropsies. The alcove here is covered in warnings in goblin
to watch your step. The biggest one is on the floor, warn-
14. Emergency Access System the alcove here, practically ing potential explorers dont step here!. The floor covers
at the bottom of the frightening stairs of area 13, contains a 20 foot deep pit. Along the sides of the pit wall are four
 oversized stone faces that will talk to anyone inside the pit There is actually pretty much infinite space in here, but it all
(and all they say to anyone holding the pit cover open is that gets jumbled together like a badly maintained storage closet.
theyll only talk to someone in the dropsie.) They love gos- Sometimes (1 in 4), a bunch of stuff pours out when the door
sip and will ask questions about whats going on and who the is opened. The rest of the time one random piece of junk falls
adventurers are and why they havent gone home yet. Once / rolls out and everything else looks like it is about to.
bored they will offer to send whoever is in the pit to see the
boss. Those agreeing, and anyone who looks like they will 23. Guard Post Four Hundred and Seventy Six and Three Quar-
manage to get out of the pit, will be teleported to room 19. ters. Two loyalist goblins with great big flowing mustaches
sit here on guard duty, discussing the utter lack of weather
19. El Humongo. This cave is home to El Humongo, a garbage- living underground. I sure could do with a little rain for
eating goblin of immense size (nine feet tall, and 12 wide). my missus gardenias I tell you! Oh my yes, wouldnt hurt
If roused to anger, hes probably the single most dangerous to have a bit o sunshine this weekend too for the picnic
inhabitant of these caves, and is treated as a Hill Giant but This passage / guard post contains an anti-magic field so the
with a movement rate of 30 (10). Fortunately he is easily guards are on watch for anyone invisible suddenly becom-
distracted from chasing or fighting enemies by real food ing uninvisible (Ho there, Bob! Comin to see the King eh?
(since he mostly eats garbage). The goblins are generally in Well, yer uninvisible here I tell ya. Oh, I know you are never
awe of him, and also take him for granted, dumping all their normally invisible, but here not only are you visible, but you
refuse in this room. If you have the characters here trying to are uninvisible, thats like twice as visible!)
find a magic item or some other plot coupon, then this is
the perfect room to hide it in. 24. Happenstance. Happenstance is the other main town in the
caves besides Bartertown. The population of 30 or so goblins
20. Lies. Damn Dirty Lies. This room is the key to the entire com- (mostly loyalist or undecided) live a fairly typical shroom-
plex. Persons in this room can teleport to any other room in goblin existence drinking, smoking, throwing pots and pans
the complex by merely stating the number of the room they at each other, and thinking up (un)funny jokes. Among their
wish to teleport to (using the numbering system from the kin are two massive guard goblins (treat as hobgoblins) and
map). Hanging from a set of chains in the middle of the room a small troop of mounted goblin cavaliers who ride other
is a Holy Avenger and a Staff of Wizardry. Beneath these two goblins into battle. The two exits to area 26 are blocked by
items is a chest bolted to the floor containing 24,000 gp (real massive iron gates that are locked during times of distress,
gold, not the fools gold of the so-called goblin economy). but kept open the rest of the time. Anyone walking through
This room is so well-hidden that even the Goblin King has these gates will have their age reduced by 1 year. Thus the
never found it. Goblin King maintains his youth, but also must avoid leaving
his base too often, lest he become a teenager (or younger)
21. Get Felt! A family of 7 goblins have set up a felt manufac- again. The northern exit to area 26 is a set of stairs leading
turing and distribution centre here. They spend their days down, while the southern exit to area 26 is a set of stairs
procuring and pressing goblin hair into a variety of felts leading up.
used in the manufacture of goblin clothing. One of the senior
members of the clan is an accomplished vexillologist who 25. The Black Cork Clan. This cave has been converted into the
spends his time making flags. He loves the existence of the home and training grounds of the black cork clan a tribe
rebel movement just because it means theres reason for ev- of urban shroom-goblin ninjas. Because really, whats bet-
eryone to show off their support, and what better way than ter than shroom goblins going to war mounted on other
through custom flags? If someone should become hostile to shroom goblins? Thats right, stacks of ninja goblins (thanks
the residents, a surprise combatant will join in the fray. Ages to the Portable Hole Full of Beer set of PDFs for introduc-
ago, one member of the clan got so lazy that he slowly trans- ing the Goblin Ninja Stack). Bonuses may not always stack in
formed into a large shelf fungus which now is used to hold D&D, but goblin ninjas do. The black cork clan is made up of
finished stock. Hell begin throwing bolts of felt at hostile a dozen goblin ninjas who operate in four units of three gob-
interlopers, defending his kin. (A bolt of felt may be some- lins who operate in a goblin ninja stack, with one goblin
what soft, but it is quite heavy, and deals 1d6 damage to the on the bottom doing the running around, and the other two
target). exhibiting their superior balancing skills by piling one on
the other on his shoulders. They all dress in black, but also
22. Long Term Storage. Things that take up too much room to darken their skin with the ashes from their magical ninja
be comfortably ignored but that the goblins dont want any- fireplace. Anyone covering his exposed skin with the soot
more and yet feel they shouldnt (or cant) destroy go into directly from the fireplace (carrying it around doesnt work)
the Long Term Storage (if it can fit through the door). There becomes nearly invisible, or at least mystically hard to see
is a small goblin-sized door on the wall of this cave and open- (even when stacked three tall) and has a surprise chance of
ing it exposes a small storage closet overflowing with crap. 4 in 6 (or 5 in 6 for those with a better than 2 in 6 chance
Old brooms, an iron maiden, trunks full of old felt, urns, normally).
slightly broken furniture, bits and bobs of armour (particu-
larly helmets), uncle Scrogs pipe, the halfling philharmonic 26. Audience Room. Home to the Goblin King and a dozen goblin
orchestra woodwind division, bookshelves, big-ass candles hangers-on. This cave is well decorated, even if the decora-
that never seem to burn right, a wheelbarrow, and so on. tions show their goblin abuses (lots of stains, small tears, the
 sofa is missing a leg and sits on a stack of old goblin pornog- 27. Floaters Hall. This passage has no gravity, which is good
raphy, etc). Of course, the Goblin King isnt a goblin, but a because areas on the north side has gravity in the opposite
level 5 elf who runs the show as best he can. The exit stairs to direction as the south side. Persons crossing to the other
area 24 lead in opposite directions one leading up and one side of the cave and not noting the change in orientation will
leading down, even though both areas 24 and26 are flat and plummet 15 feet to the floor. There are typically a few young
level. If threatened in his audience chamber, the Goblin King goblins here enjoying the zero-gee antics (1d8-2 goblins). As
will push down on the stone table in the middle of the room old pros, they suffer only a -1 to hit and damage fighting
(usually by jumping up on it to fight from higher ground). in zero gravity, while people new to the environment must
This releases a sleeping gas into the room that knocks out make a saving throw versus paralysis every round in order
any non-elf that fails a save versus poison. Further, anyone to act at all, and still suffer a -2 penalty on attack and dam-
shouting away in common while standing on the table is age rolls.
instantly teleported out of here. The teleport is instant on
this side (the character(s) disappear immediately) but it 28. The Sphere. A foot-wide stone pillar is the centrepiece of
takes two rounds for the statues in area 14 to align them- this otherwise empty room. Exactly half-way up the pillar (5
selves and for the teleport to complete. If the statues cannot feet from the floor) is an 18-inch dark marble sphere held in
align themselves (they have been destroyed, or something place by the pillar. The sphere rotates smoothly and without
immensely strong is holding them out of position), the tele- much resistance. There is a sign in goblin on one wall that
portees will reappear on the table in four rounds. The Goblin reads for the love of all that exists, please do not move, ro-
King has the ability to send people (but not goblins) back to tate or reposition the sphere! The sphere does absolutely
the prime material plane if he really wants to. Anyone killing nothing.
the Goblin King becomes the new Goblin King and gains this
ability, but cannot use it on himself. The Goblin King wields a 29. Mirror Mirror. A cluster of nine single-goblin residences
+2 Rapier of Unfairness (it can only be wielded by elves) and built out of large mushrooms (think smurf houses, but a
has a wand of illusion with 13 charges. much tighter fit, more like smurf pup tents) are scattered
throughout the room. In the middle of the large curved
The nook of little caves on the north side of the audience room northwest wall is a large mirror where the frame of the mir-
is hidden by a secret door built into the back of a wardrobe. ror looks like the face of a goblin with his mouth wide open
In the nook is a metal post with a magic lantern hanging and the mirror being where his mouth should be. The mirror
from it (that burns without oil) and the Goblin Kings per- loves to debate, and routinely argues with the goblins about
sonal treasure stash of 1,750 gp, 800 ep, and a pair of 500 gp just about everything. Come on, only goblins with yeast-
gems. brain would go to bed at this hour!

Using the Infinite Caves in Your Game

The infinite caves will not mesh with all game styles. They are silly, and the goblins and other creatures living within them are also
silly (albeit potentially quite deadly... but it would be a silly death). Dont try to crowbar this kind of environment into any campaign
- it requires that the players be willing to play along with the silliness at least a bit (although not necessarily having the characters play
along, after all, every good gag is enhanced by the straight man to play it upon - like the straight-laced lawful good paladin). If your
players (and your campaign) can cope with something like this place, there are two easy ways to incorporate it into a game.

1. The Goblin Curse. The characters get shifted to the Infinite Caves by a curse. A cursed scroll is a classic for something like this,
orperhaps a cursed magic mirror (considering where they pop up in the caves). Escape from the Caves becomes essential to them
continuing on their pre-existing quest or adventure.

2. Quest for the MacGuffin of MacGuffining. The other option is to send the characters here on purpose in search for an important
plot coupon that they can then redeem to save the world or something similar. In this case, the characters can be given a magic trick
that sends them to the goblin realm and may arrive already aware that the only way out of the realm is to negotiate an exit strategy
with the Goblin King. And who knows, they could find the trick of a quick escape into goblin country to be useful in the future (like
when needing to dodge an 88 hit point dragon breath attack), but the Goblin King might have much harder demands to release them
next time...