BRIGHT FUTURES TOOL FOR FAMILIES
How to Address Bullying
If your child has had problems with bullying or aggressive behavior or has been the victim of a
bully, the following suggestions may be helpful.
IF YOUR CHILD HAS If you see your child bullying someone, put a stop to the
BULLIED OTHERS behavior immediately, and have your child practice a more
appropriate behavior instead. For example, if your child pushes
his sister away from a toy so that he can play with it, have him
practice several times asking for and receiving the toy.
If your child has been bullying someone, and you do not find
out until later, find a way that she can make amends (e.g.,
giving back something that was taken from another child with
an apology).
Try to supervise situations in which bullying may occur. If you
cannot be present, try to find someone who can. If no one is
available, consider not letting your child participate in that
situation.
Be aware of your own behavior, modeling for your child how you
would like him to treat others.
Avoid the use of physical punishment (e.g., spanking), which may
give your child the message that physical aggression is OK. Instead,
use removal of privileges, work tasks at home, or helping younger
children at home or in the neighborhood as consequences for
bullying behavior.
Let your childs school psychologist, teacher, or guidance
counselor know about your concerns, and ask for their assistance
in addressing the problem.
Be sure that you are being as positive as possible with your child.
Aim for 10 positive comments for every negative one that you
make to your child. You may have to search very hard or be very
creative in catching your child being good.
IF YOUR CHILD HAS Have your child practice straightforwardly and assertively telling
BEEN THE VICTIM OF the other child to stop bothering me and then moving away.
BULLYING Problem-solve with your child about what she can do to avoid
situations in which she may be bullied, and what to do the next
time she is bullied (e.g., walking to school with a parent, older
sibling, or friend; telling a responsible adult if she is bullied).
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How to Address Bullying (continued)
Try to supervise situations in which bullying may occur. If you
cannot be present, try to find someone who can. If no one is
available, consider not letting your child participate in that
situation.
Be aware of the toll that bullying may be taking on your childs
self-esteem. Actively look for ways to boost your childs self-
image (e.g., supporting him in pursuing his skills or talents).
Let your childs school psychologist, teacher, or guidance
counselor know about your concerns, and ask for their assistance
in addressing the problem. Many schools have anti-bullying
programs. If your school doesnt, suggest that it start one.
IF YOUR CHILD IS A Teach your child how to help without getting hurt. Your child
BYSTANDER might say, Cool it! This isnt going to solve anything.
Tell your child not to cheer on or even quietly watch a conflict;
this only encourages the bully, who is trying to be the center of
attention.
Encourage your child to tell a trusted adult about the bullying.
Talking to an adult is not tattling; it is an act of courage and
promotes safety. Suggest to your child that she take a friend with
her when she tells about bullying, to make it easier.
Help your child support children who tend to be victims. Teach
your child to try to include these children in activities.
Portions of this tool were modeled on: Slaby RG, Bernstein JY. 2000. BullyingIts not O.K. In Sege R, ed., Violence Prevention for
Children and Youth: Parent Education Cards (2nd ed.). Waltham, MA: Massachusetts Medical Society. Phone: (800) 322-2303.
Source: Adapted, with permission, from Batsche G, Moore B. 2000. Bullying fact sheet. In Behavioral Interventions: Creating a
Safe School Environment. Winter 2000, pp. 1012. Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists.
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