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Quotes About Humor
Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and
I'm not sure about the universe.
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Albert Einstein
tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
112368 likes
So many books, so little time.
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Frank Zappa
tags: books, humor
104689 likes
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Like
Mae West
tags: humor, life
93990 likes
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Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting
different results.
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humor
Narcotics Anonymous
tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein
55810 likes
The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a
good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
Like
Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
tags: aliteracy, books, classic, humor
42861 likes
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog
it's too dark to read.
Like
Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About
Groucho Marx
tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
33973 likes
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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Steve Martin
tags: humor, obvious, simile
32862 likes
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after
tomorrow just as well.
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Mark Twain
tags: humor, procrastination
32076 likes
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they
go by.
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Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt
tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing
28550 likes
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian
must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
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Garrison Keillor
tags: humor, religion
27397 likes
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea.
Like
Robert A. Heinlein
tags: cats, humor, women
26480 likes
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't
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hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
tags: chocolate, food, humor
24751 likes
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary
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from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a
black eye.
Jim Henson
tags: humor
24570 likes
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it
happens.
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Woody Allen
tags: death, fear, humor, life
23141 likes
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
Like
Paul Terry
tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins
23052 likes
Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that
you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be
thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things
that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why
is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are
pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like
saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's
done all right for himself.
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John Green
tags: humor, nerdfighters
21611 likes
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on
the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Groucho Marx
tags: books, humor, reading, television
20447 likes
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely
regarded as a bad move.
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Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
tags: humor, scifi
19380 likes
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they
must lead.
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Charles Bukowski
tags: humor
18814 likes
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people
will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
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Terry Pratchett, Diggers
tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
18765 likes
Reality continues to ruin my life.
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Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
18410 likes
Like
Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960
tags: humor, mankind, people
17647 likes
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Like
Benjamin Franklin Wade
tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology
17573 likes
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose
Like
answers I accept.
George Carlin
tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
17518 likes
Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me
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anytime you feel like it.
Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
tags: humor
17381 likes
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
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W.C. Fields
tags: humor, sinister
17241 likes
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to
love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
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Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
tags: humor, love, romantic, women
15597 likes
Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all
could.
Like
Charles J. Sykes, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children
Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add
tags: humor, misattributed-to-bill-gates, nerd, nerds, work
15360 likes
Its no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different
person then.
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Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
tags: alice, humor, inspirational, philosophy-of-life, psychological, yesterday
14445 likes
Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal
spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.
Like
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm
13546 likes
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