Treasure Island
Treasure Island
Treasure Island
By Patrick Carswell
Song
Treasure Island CD 1
Scene 1
Narrator:
(Barman is cleaning up while Jim Hawkins sweeps the floor. Billy Bones enters
dragging a big chest behind him.)
Billy:
Tell me, me old salted squid, this ere be a quiet or a busy place?
Barman:
Very quiet Sir. In fact youre the first person to walk through the
door this week.
Billy:
Barman:
Jim:
Billy:
I dont ask for much. Just rum, bacon, rum, eggs, rum and a little
mix of coke and I keep forgetting
Barman:
Rum?
Billy:
Jim:
Billy:
Billy:
(Grabbing his shirt roughly) Never you mind whats in this ere
chest. Whats in there is mine and no jellyfish lipped, lobster
kissing, land lubber like you will ever touch it. Understand?
Barman:
Billy:
Young Jim, Ill give you a silver four penny if youll do your Captain
a favour.
Jim:
Billy:
No, wait til later for that. If ye see a man with one leg coming you
call for old Bill straight away.
Barman:
(Hits him on head with mug knocking him out cold) [CD 2]
(Billy now tells the audience his story of Captain Flint)
Many years ago there lived the most fearsome pirate that ever
sailed the seas. His name was Captain Flint. His booty, they say is
buried on an island and with it 15 sailors to boot, to make sure
no-one would tell its location. All that remained was the treasure
map he drew up himself.
No-one knows to this day who has the map. Some black hearted,
bilge burping bucaneer no doubt. Or maybe you! (Grabs Jim)
(Sings the following over a rap music beat) [CD 3]
15 men on a dead mans chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
(Barman rises to give him another drink before collapsing to the floor again.
Doctor Livesey enters S.R.)
Scene 2
Doctor:
Billy:
Doctor:
I have only one thing to say to you. (Billy takes out his knife.) If you
dont stop drinking rum for breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea and
dinner, the world will soon be without one dirty rotten scoundrel.
Billy:
Doctor:
Billy:
Ay?
Doctor:
Billy:
Doctor:
I doubt that. (He calmly removes the knife.) You call that a knife.
(Pulls out a large butchers blade.) This is a knife.
Billy:
Doctor:
Jim:
Doctor:
Now if I hear of any trouble from you Ill be back before you can
say, Where did I leave that red sock? And Ill bring the rest of the
town with me. (He turns to leave but turns back.) His name is Mr
Dance.
Billy:
Dance?
Doctor:
No thanks I havent the time, but Ill put you on my card. Tar-Ta!
(Exits S.R.)
(There is a loud knock at the door) [CD 5]
Billy:
Its him! (Billy starts to creep over to S.L.) Im just stepping out for a
few minutes. I forgot to put the cat out.
Jim:
Billy:
Scene 3
(Jim opens door S.R. and Black Dog enters the bar and does a close inspection
of the tavern)
Blackdog: Is this ere the table of my old mate Bill?
Jim:
Jim:
Blackdog: He sounds just like the fellow Im after. You see its his birthday
and I wanted to surprise him.
Jim:
Ill go and fetch him. Make sure you hide his present. Make this a
real surprise. (Jim exits S.L.)
Blackdog: Dont worry lad. Im sure hell be surprised by what Ive got for
him.
(He removes a pistol from the bag and holds it behind his back. Jim returns with
Billy Bones blindfolded)
Billy:
(Shouting out the door S.R.) Next time bring a better present than
that! (He notices Billy on the floor) Captain! (Runs to his motionless
body.)
Barman:
Is he dead?
Jim:
Scene 4
(Doctor Livesey enters S.R. wearing a milkmans hat)
Doctor:
Jim:
Doctor can you help us. I think the Captain may be dead.
Doctor:
Just let me get ready. (He runs off stage and returns quickly with
his white wig on) Now what seems to be problem?
Jim:
The Captain was in a fight with Black Dog and I think he may be
wounded, dying or even
Doctor:
Jim:
Doctor:
Yes. No doubt about it. Hes dead drunk. Now what did I tell you
about drinking? (He rubs his tummy with his foot. Billy quickly
rises to his feet and accidentally knocks the Barman over) Youve
just had a stroke and Ive saved your life Mr Bones.
Ill stake my
Jim, Im not long for this world. Ive weighed anchor for the last
time. Ill never scrub a deck again. Ill
Jim:
Billy:
Sad but true. Even though Ive only known you for ten minutes,
youre the bestest pal Ive ever had. (Enthusiastically shaking his
hand.) Now how about a rum?
Jim:
No thanks, Im underage.
Billy:
Not for you. For me! Ive got the horrors! Look at my hand, its
shakin something fierce. (Billy holds out his hand which is shaking
incredibly.) I need rum!
Jim:
Billy:
Argh! Doctors are all land lubbin swabs! Ive had every disease,
walked the plank twenty times, lost three legs to sharks. But I
managed to survive on rum! Now go for help. Flints crew will be
back soon to give me the Black Spot.
Jim:
Billy:
A sailors curse! Its a page torn from the Holy Bible. If youre
given one it means that youll soon die.
Jim:
Billy:
Ay! But Id rather die from drinking rum then from a dagger in the
guts.
(Billy starts to creep off again S.L. while Jim reluctantly moves towards the door.
The Barman is still unconscious leaning over the bar with his bottom pointing
towards the audience.)
Scene 6
Blindpew: Where am I?
Jim:
Blindpew: Take my hand and help a poor old blind man sonny.
(When they make it into the room Blindpew turns Jim in an armlock.)
Blindpew: Dont lie to me. Show me where he is or Ill break your arm.
Jim:
(Blind Pew releases his grip. Jim takes this opportunity to get as far away from
him as possible.)
Blindpew: Well, where is he?
Jim:
Blindpew: Where? Never mind, I know youre in here Billy Bones. I can smell
the rum on your breath. Did you think you could hide from me?
(He swings his stick around the room.) You cannot escape this time.
(He grabs the barmans bottom) Ah-ha, Ive got you now, Id
recognise that face anywhere.
Barman:
(Staring with terror at the paper in his right hand.) The Black Spot!
Barman:
CD 9
Blindpew: Come back you snivelling sea snakes. (Moves to the door as the
pirates leave S.R. ) Ill find the map myself. Ready or not here I
come!
(Door opens and sends Blind Pew sprawling behind the bar.) [CD 10]
Scene 8
Doctor:
Dance:
Barman:
Dance:
Jim:
Dance:
Barman:
Who?
Doctor:
Jim:
Yes Sir!
Doctor:
Then you ride with Dance. Youll have to hop on his back because
he doesnt have a horse. Gentlemen, lets begin our naval
adventure. Follow me, this way!
Trelawneys Office
Narrator:
Doctor:
Squire:
Dance?
Dance:
Thanks for the offer but Im a bit tired from the long ride.
Squire:
Doctor:
Squire:
Squire:
Jim:
Squire:
(The others all shake hands and pat each other on the back.)
Well have the best ship in the fleet. Jim can be the cabin boy, you
will act as ships doctor, Dance can coordinate the entertainment
and I will be the Admiral.
Doctor:
Of course.
Squire:
Doctor:
Squire:
Who?
Doctor:
Squire:
Song
CD 11
Squire:
Silver:
Smashing Sir.
Jim:
That man over there. Thats Black Dog! Hes a pirate! (Everyone
turns around.)
Pirates:
Silver:
Quick lads grab the pirate! (They begin fighting among themselves.)
Silver:
Coxswain: I sir!
(The Coxswain blows a whistle. [CD 12] Captain Smollett walks on with first
mate Mr Arrow who is obviously drunk.)
Squire:
Smollett:
Is everyone on board?
Silver:
Arrow:
Raise the gangplank! Let go all lines! Batten down the hatches!
Raise the main sail! Anyone found dawdling will be shot on sight!
(The entire crew springs into action worried about this drunk with a loaded gun.)
Smollett:
Arrow:
Yes Sir. No more exaggerating! (Waits for Captain to leave the deck.)
Anyone found exaggerating will receive thirty lashes, and will then
have to walk the plank twice!
Doctor:
The wind is behind us Jim. (One of the pirates does a loud fart.) [CD 13]
Jim:
Yes I can smell it from here. I can hardly believe it. (He moves to
the front of the ship and holds his arms out like Leonardo Di Caprio
from Titanic.) Im the King of the World! Woo-hoo!
Doctor:
Settle Jim, there are no icebergs where were going. Just a bunch
of gay men sailing the deep blue sea in search of (Takes a deep
breath) adventure!
CD 14
Song
Set Sail
Scene 11
Ships Deck
(Crew are sitting on deck passing the time by playing cards and fishing)
F.bottom:
Silver:
Fish surprise.
F.bottom:
Silver:
Jacks:
(To Jim) Hes smart old BBQ and brave as well. I seen him
tackle four men at once.
Silver:
Scrub:
Silver:
Lets keep pretendin until we get to the island. How are the boys?
Scrub:
Most are with us. They are hangin out for the money. What will
you do with your share?
Silver:
Most would spend their fortune straight away and then head back
out to sea with nothing but the pants theyre wearing. But Im
goin on 50 now. Long John is goin to retire and become a
gentleman of leisure after this trip. Why matey, you and me will be
spending our afternoons drinking beer and watching the sunset.
Scrub:
Sounds good to me. You just give us the nod when youre ready to
make a move on Smollett.
Silver:
Dicks square.
Silver:
Pete:
Silver:
Lucky Dick.
Pete:
He says hes with us when we make our move. How long are we
going to bump around like blessed bum-boats cause Ive had just
about enough of Smollett already?
Silver:
Youve got no brains but you can hear cant you? Well your ears
are big enough. Youll speak soft and keep sober til I give the
word.
Pete:
Silver:
(Makes the Doctor Evil shoosh action.) Shoosh til I give the
word.
Pete:
But
Silver:
(The pirate stops asking questions for a moment) Let this pompous Captain lead
us right to Treasure Island then well let it rip!
Pete:
Good thinkin.
Silver:
Only one thing I claim, and thats Trelawney. Ill ring his big cows
head off his stupid fat body.
Dick:
Silver:
Song
Celebration
CD 15
Ships Deck
One Eye:
Silver:
(Doctor comes out of the cabin and takes a deep breath and coughs.)
Doctor:
I dont know about treasure, but Ill stake my wig theres fever!
Smollett:
As many as like may go ashore. I will fire a gun half an hour before
sundown for you to return to the ship.
This is too easy. Hes led us to the Island and now hes letting us
do what we want.
Silver:
moves to help Silver the pirates grab him and is taken captive in the
long boat.) Lets go lads!
Scene 2
Admirals Quarters
Narrator:
Squire:
Whats your story Smollett? Fancy allowing the crew first turn at
the Island. I had a nice speech prepared for our landing and
everything.
Smollett:
Save your speeches for later. Now we must haul anchor and leave
this accursed place.
Doctor:
Squire:
Smollett:
Squire:
Doctor:
Smollett:
I dont think they want to share either. They want to kill all of us
and take the lot.
Squire:
Doctor:
Squire:
Even if they find the treasure they cant leave the island without
this ship.
Dance:
Then turn this ship around Captain. We can come back in a few
months.
Doctor:
Squire:
Make it so Captain.
Smollett:
Squire:
Smollett:
Where is he then?
Dance:
Last time I saw him he was rowing ashore with some of the men
and Mr Silver.
Squire:
Silver. He will make sure that the lad is safe. We cant leave
without those two.
Smollett:
Squire:
Doctor:
Never!
Dance:
Smollett:
Squire:
Doctor:
Dance:
An absolute trump!
Smollett:
Squire:
Doctor:
Absolute scoundrel.
Dance:
Smollett:
Squire:
Doctor:
Squire:
Someone has to stay and look after the ship. Im willing to make
that sacrifice.
Give my regards to Jim, and give Silver one for me. I shall make
sure everything is ship-shape for us to make a quick escape when
you return.
Doctor:
Squire:
Treasure Island
Narrator:
Silver:
Spread out lads! Explore this Island and take note of any
outstanding landmarks.
B.Smith:
Silver:
B.Smith:
Silver:
B.Smith:
Silver:
Silver:
B.Smith:
Silver:
(Another scream. Silver takes out his notepad and scratches off a name) [CD 18]
Silver:
No more Dick.
B.Smith:
B.Smith:
Smith.
Silver:
B.Smith:
Black.
(Silver pulls out his pistol and shoots Black Smith without even looking in his
direction. [CD 6] He then scratches put a name on his pad.)
Silver:
S.R.)
Scene 4
(Jim enters S.L. shadowed by a wild looking man.)
Jim:
Ben:
Its only me. Its only Ben. Ben Gunn is my name. I havent
spoken to another human being for three years.
Song
CD 19
Jim:
Ben:
(Nervous pause) Nice weather were having isnt it? Well Ill see you
later! (He goes to leave but Jim stops him.)
Jim:
Ben:
Jim:
Ben:
I told them about this being Treasure Island. We were on the very
ship when Captain Flint buried the lot. I guided my crew back to
this Island, but without a map we couldnt find anything. They got
sick of looking and decided to punish both of us by leaving us here.
All by ourselves too!
Jim:
Ben:
Jim:
Ben:
Theres not much in life a feller wants that he cant get from a goat.
Milk, meat, clothing, and really cool beards. (He strokes his long
beard.)
(There is the noise of a cannon fired from some distance.) [CD 20]
Jim:
Ben:
Jim:
If you two are quite finished, do either of you know where it came
from?
Ben:
Jim:
Where is it?
Ben:
Jim:
Ben:
(Ben scampers from one bush to another like a prisoner escaping from jail.
Jim imitates him.)
Scene 5
Stockade
Narrator:
(The cannon is fired again. [CD 21] The sound is followed by the men in the
Stockade as it whistles over the roof and lands outside. Inside are Captain
Smollett, Doctor Livesey and Mr Dance.)
Doctor:
(Shouting) Blaze away you ninnies! Ill stake my wig youll soon
run out of powder and balls!
Dance:
Smollett:
Doctor:
Smollett:
Dance:
Doctor:
(Jim enters and they all congregate in the middle to greet him.)
Smollett:
Everyone to their stations. Here Jim, take this gun and cover that
window.
(Smollett gives Jim one of the two pistols from his belt. Jim spreads his body
over the window. Smollett helps Jim change position.)
Doctor:
Smollett:
Yes!
Doctor:
Thank-you.
(He fires [CD 22] and instantly the stage is overrun with pirates.
Four pirates die dramatically on stage.)
Smollett:
(The swords are either taken, broken or eaten by the pirates who now surround
and totally outnumber the hapless group.)
Smollett:
(He blows out the only candle on stage and throws the stage into darkness.
Everyone piles on top of each other.)
Doctor:
Foul:
Scene 6
Stockade (Night-time)
Narrator:
(The lights come on to reveal that the Stockade is now home to the pirates.)
Silver:
Shiver me timbers! The lads decided to join the winning team for a
change.
Jim:
Silver:
Jim:
So you now have control of the Stockade. But what have you really
gained? You have no ship, no map and no treasure. And do you
know who is responsible for spoiling your plans? Me! I overheard
your plans of mutiny from the apple barrel, I warned the Captain
and the other officers, I killed the man you left to guard the ship,
and it was under my orders that it now is returning to England.
That leaves you and your friends here on this deserted Island
without any treasure, or any means of escape. So dont try and
scare me. I fear you as much as a fly!
S.Francis: Hes right about one thing. We cant find the treasure without the
map that you promised wed have by now. Now we have something
to give to you Long John.
Bilge:
Give it to him!
Blonde:
A McDonalds voucher?
(Blondebeard takes it back from him, apologizes and gives him another card.)
Silver:
(Blondebeard takes it back from him, apologizes and gives him the real Black
Spot.) The Black Spot! You dare to give me The Black Spot!
Blonde:
Silver:
You tore a page from the Holy Bible. Ooh the gates of Hell are
creakin open and Satan himself is stokin the flames for all of you
blasphemous heathens! Get down on your knees, you miserable
sinners and pray for forgiveness before its too late!
Song
CD 23
Bilge:
Jim:
What if I refuse?
Silver:
Jim:
Silver:
Well I dont see your name on it. Matter of fact I do believe you
stole this from Billy Bones, who stole it from Captain Flint himself.
Jungle
Narrator:
Silver has the map. Its only a matter of time now until he
and the pirates find the treasure chest. Is this the end?
(Silver is leading the way with Jim alongside. The pirates follow nervously
behind.)
Barnacle:
Barnacle:
Silver:
Silver:
Ben:
Silver:
Jim:
Silver:
Ben:
Silver:
Ben:
Silver:
Doctor:
Smollett:
Thanks to Jim we can now leave the Island forever and return to
England where we will divide the bounty equally.
Silver:
Squire:
Smollett:
You will return with us and stand trial for your crimes.
Silver:
Jim:
Captain, the winds are building and the tide is high, but Im
holdin on, Im gonna be your number one...
Dance:
Smollett:
(The rest of the cast are amazed that the Captain has cracked a joke. They
freeze as Pugwash enters and explains where they end up.)
Song
Treasure Island CD 1
Curtain Call
The End