Post-Essay Writing Workshop: Eliminating Repetitiveness and Redundancy

Milken Honors English 10
Allison Finn Pinto
Post-Essay Writing Workshop

Congratulations on finishing your first essay! Overall, your work showed an
impressive command of logic and reasoning. Now, we have a bit of practice to do in
order to be as commanding of the English language as we are of the logic itself.
You can work on your own or with a partner to evaluate and rewrite each of the
following passages from student papers. You should use your computer for this
assignment; when you are finished, upload your document to turnitin.com. One
document per pair or small group is enough (please remember to put everyone's
names on it!). Remember that these passage come from your or your classmates
papers and that they should be treated with respect in class and out.
Eliminating repetitiveness and redundancy
Most of you got in the habit of saying everything once, but a few times here and
there we ended up saying the same thing twice (or more). Rewrite the following
passages to eliminate repetition of any kind.
Macbeth begs the witches to tell [him] more (I.iii.71). Macbeth reveals his
desperation for more and once he comprehends that he will be king, he
demonstrates his desire for assurance.
Through Macbeth and Lady Macbeths murderous and power-hungry actions,
they create for themselves an illusory world of delusions envisioning both a
literal and figurative staining of blood on their hands, ultimately furthering
each of the two characters delusions.
To Shakespeare a man who cannot sleep is a cursed man. A man who cannot
sleep is deprived of the respite that can only be achieved through sleep
(seeing as how it isolates you from your surroundings and arguably more
importantly gives you a break from yourself). The witch knows what never
sleeping will do to this sailor; she knows that he might not die physically but
that he will be cursed with a mind that is tempest-tossed (I.iii.26). The
sailor will lose his mind and become dead mentally- but whats worse is that
he is still condemned to an existence trapped in the physical world.
Integrating quotes and [still] eliminating redundancy
All quotes should be integrated into your own sentence. Also, only the necessary
part of the quote should be used. Rewrite the following passages using only the
necessary part of the quote and integrating that part of the quote into your own
sentence (one that does not start with "he says that":
Allison Finn Pinto
Their need for darkness when taking a life proves his denial of acceptance.
Come, thick night,/ And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell, / That my
keen knife see not the wound it makes,/ Nor heaven peep through the
blanket of the dark, / To cry "Hold, hold!" (I.v.48--52). The dark state of night
allows Macbeth and Lady Macbeth to feel as though no one is witnessing his
actions, thereby permitting himself for not taking responsibilities for his
actions, only further sending him into his own perpetual darkness. However,
like the inevitability of the day following the night, Macbeth and his wife are
eventually forced to deal with the consequences of his actions that are
blatantly revealed in the light of day.
Lady Macbeths whirlwind of emotions in regards to gender inhibit her from
embracing her femininity. Initially, after Lady Macbeth receives Macbeths
letter of, she fears that Macbeth lacks the masculine characteristics that will
drive him to seize his kingship. Lady Macbeth explains to herself, Glamis
thou art, and Cawdor and shalt be what thou art promised. Yet do I fear thy
nature It is too full o' th' milk of human kindness to catch the nearest
way(I.v.1316). Besides Lady Macbeths personal struggle with
Shakespeares ideals of femininity, she also wrestles with the fact that
Macbeth being too full othmilk of human kindness (I.v.15) represents the
support and nourishment that Lady Macbeth feeds her husband to align him
with the qualifications of an ideal man. Lady Macbeth is tired of taking on
this role for her husband and later resorts to taunting Macbeth for his
feminine attitude to persuade him to act like a man.
Thesaurus Junkies (and [still] integrating quotes, and [still]
eliminating redundancy)
The biggest, most complicated word is not always the best. The trick is to find the
exact word youre looking for, which requires a deep and wide knowledge of
vocabulary (hence, Membean). Yes, sometimes big words are necessary. But
sometimes they just clutter things up. Also, sometimes we think we know what a
word means and were just slightly off in our understanding (this is most often
related to connotation, not denotation, and it often causes uncontrollable laughter
on the part of your reader...think on that, grasshoppers).
Allison Finn Pinto
Consciousness is a cloak which conceals true emotion. In a subconscious

state, it is simple to express unpleasant thoughts, like guilt. Throughout The
Tragedy of Macbeth, guilt is portrayed through a state of slumber and
illusions. Shakespeare believes that the releasing of a strong emotion
subconsciously creates a sense of vulnerability and exposition. Sleep is also
an essential role to your mental health, and if its not utilized correctly or
completely, it can affect an individual in the distant future. The characters
lack of sleep can supplement to their insanity (hallucinations and visions).
Yet, contrary to what he predicted the actions do affect him and only further
the progression of the consummation of darkness.
Lady Macbeth also shares with her husband the commonality of darkness.

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Milken Honors English 10

Allison Finn Pinto