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Old Dads (2023)

Bill Burr sold out?

I was really looking forward to this movie... Bill Burr's standup is always funny. He never pulls punches. But this movie was a total cop out. He's basically playing himself, but then he ends up being put in his place by all the woke people in his life. Yeah, it makes fun of them the whole time, but also then he and his wife apologize to them and change to accommodate them. It's horrible.

For example, his friend's crazy undisciplined kid HITS HIS PREGNANT WIFE IN THE STOMACH and when she tries to address it, she ends up apologizing to the mom. Really?!

His wife berates him for having an anger problem when he loses his job and is being harassed by the head of their kids school (who is a criminal and complete narcissist). What kind of wife wouldn't support her husband rather than kick him out of the house??? Her reaction is dumb. His is worse... he GOES TO A STRIP CLUB IN VEGAS. Like what the heck?! Then he comes to the hospital covered in glitter from getting a lap dance and she's like "here's our new baby girl! Everything's fine!"

Apart from all of the absolutely dumb plot points, the movie isn't even funny. The only funny parts are in the trailer. The jokes are mostly just crass, and the strip club scene is unnecessarily gratuitous. In the end, it just felt like Bill Burr was apologizing for being who he is. Gross.

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Not great, but not as bad as I expected

The original will ALWAYS be better.

That being said, I didn't hate this as much as I thought I would. As far as the live action reboots go, this one isn't the worst. Are those great recommendations? Maybe not.

The acting is fine. I like Melissa McCarthy as Ursula. Halle Bailey is ok - her voice is absolutely gorgeous, but her acting is a little flat and unnatural. For example, when her father comes back to life, she just stares at him blankly... wouldn't you embrace your resurrected father who just sacrificed himself for you?! I also feel like she had very little chemistry with the guy who played Eric.

The new music was fun - I like Lin Manuel Miranda's style.

The last thing I'll say is that Akwafina was annoying, but that's par for the course.

Shadow and Bone (2021)

Season 1 fine but 2 is rubbish

I read all of the books in the series. I really enjoyed them. They were creative and well written. I loved the character development. I should have known Netflix would piss all over it.

The first season was fine. It covered the first book pretty closely, plus some stuff from the other books. I understand television is a different medium. But the writers crammed the second and third books into the second season, and they didn't even do it well. They completely made up plot points that made no sense. They didn't give some characters the end they deserved, opting instead for some cheap fight scene. A lot of the decisions of the characters weren't even believable. It was so frustrating.

The other thing is that casting was only 10% right. Alina was fine. Mal is supposed to be blue eyed and so gorgeous that people stare at him when he walks by. The best casting choice was Kirigan by far. Literally the perfect pick.

I know people who argue the books are better can be obnoxious. But truly, these books were better. This show did not do the original story or characters justice. So disappointing.

Daisy Jones & the Six (2023)

Why does Hollywood ruin everything?

I read this book, and I loved it. I love 70s music. I love the history, the references. The author did an excellent job of creating characters you could believe were real, characters you get invested in. This series did NOT do the book justice.

1. The role of Daisy is miscast. Riley Keough is fine, but she's not quite what you imagine if you read the book. In it she's described as shockingly beautiful with huge eyes, and she's so high all the time that she doesn't care about stuff like someone else using her lyrics. She's floating through life and learning how to get control of various parts of it. The show turns her into this feminist warrior.

2. Karen is English???

3. Simone is a lesbian in the series because we have to check all of our DEI boxes. In the book, she doesn't move to NY for a woman. She does it because it's the best move for her career.

4. They change other random things for seemingly no reason. Chuck doesn't leave the band to become a dentist. He gets drafted and dies in Vietnam. Billy and Camille don't meet in a laundromat. The way they choose to bring Daisy and the Six together is not how it happened in the book. And I'm not really sure why these changes were necessary. They did nothing to strengthen the story.

Emily in Paris (2020)

An absolute load of vapid nonsense

I started watching this show because I like Lily Collins, and I thought the idea was fun. But holy moly, what a heaping pile of fiery rubbish. All of the characters are selfish hedonists. They lie and cheat regardless of the consequences. When they don't get what they want, they whine incessantly. They don't think for themselves, they live for the likes on Instagram, and they act anything but professional in the workplace or with clients.

I knew going into it that it would be a mindless drama, but it is so much worse than I anticipated. I find myself rolling my eyes or audibly sighing in exasperation on a regular basis. The only reason it got two stars is because the clothes are beautiful and Paris is a lovely setting.

Something from Tiffany's (2022)

Words mean things.

Bleh. What a dumb movie.

I like romcoms. The Holiday is one of my favorite Christmas movies. I'm not above enjoying the corny. But this movie is AWFUL on so many levels.

1. They say the word "cornetto" way too much. We get it. They're the Italian version of the croissant. Side note: As an Italian American I can tell you that croissants are objectively better.

2. The leads have ZERO chemistry.

3. There were so many moments that were supposed to be cute that made me cringe. Not just roll my eyes... full body uncomfortable cringe.

4. The supporting lesbian couple just felt completely over the top. The irony of the current trend in movies is that they want to make it seem normal, but they always draw too much attention to it. Stop trying so hard. People don't care.

5. The characters felt completely underdeveloped, as if they were checking off boxes for their characters, but not actually giving them space if that makes sense. Handsome, artistic widower? Check. Quirky, adorable chef? Check. Morally questionable, flaky boyfriend? Check. Supportive, sassy best friend? Check. Just classic tropes.

Partner Track (2022)

If you liked the book you'll hate the show

There are so many problems, and I've only made it through one episode.

1. By exchanging a Ingrid's Chinese American character for a Korean American one, they are literally treating Asians as one homogeneous group.

2. They aren't even remotely trying to follow the plot. Murphy and Ingrid were supposed to be friends since college, not have some random fling at a friends' wedding, and he is some London import??? Her friend Rachel is supposed to be a former-lawyer-turned-SAHM.

3. They make up a bunch of stupid characters. Ingrid has a dropout homeless sister Lina who is just fighting the patriarchy. Nick Laren is some random love interest who knows a few catch phrases from his Philosophy 101 class.

4. The main characters can't decide how to pronounce "Corp".

5. The whole issue in the book is how Ingrid is treated as the sole Asian woman at her firm, how she ends up on a different path than the one she planned. Without some of the main characters, and the main plot point that sets off the whole story, none of it makes sense. It's all scattered and incoherent.

Purple Hearts (2022)

Better than expected

I had very low expectations going into this. It had its charming moments, sparks of sincerity that helped make up for the silly tropes about gun-crazy marines and woke bartending musicians. But overall, it was 2 hours of somewhat soulless storytelling.

Also, why on earth do producers feel the need to over-produce vocals? I have no idea what Sofia Carson sounds like in real life because her voice is always so tampered with. It didn't sound pleasant or realistic.

Persuasion (2022)

Not even close.

Disclaimer: I love Austen, and I would classify myself as a purist. But I also understand that film is a different medium, sometimes modifications must be made. But the modifications made absolutely piss all over the original story.

-First, Dakota Johnson is completely miscast. Anne is supposed to be mournful and to a degree bitter. She thinks she's missed her chance. Dakota Johnson plays her as spunky and comedic. Totally wrong. The rest of the cast is fine, but left to play their roles opposite an inappropriately funny heroine.

-Anne is not an alcoholic. It wasn't charming or relatable.

-It seems like the directors watched the recent adaptation of Emma and Bridgerton and were like, let's try Persuasion. But let's half ass the costumes and make it a comedy.

-Ridiculous lines. "How would you dance to Beethoven?" Anne replies "Alone in my room to a bottle of red." Well, considering this takes place in the Regency era before records or radio, this is absurd. She also says "We're worse than strangers. We're exes." Mary talks about how she must love herself in order to be able to love others. Come on. I couldn't stop eye rolling.

-There are a bunch of double entendres that are neither clever nor funny.

-They break the fourth wall, and while it works in other movies like Mansfield Park, but it was done cleverly and sparingly. Dakota Johnson is constantly talking at us and it's obnoxious.

I was hoping someone would give Persuasion an update. I really enjoyed the 90s adaptation with Ciaran Hinds. But no one asked for this abomination.

Sanditon (2019)

Not Jane Austen

It wasn't terrible, but it's not Jane Austen. If you've read Jane Austen, you know almost from the first couple chapters who is going end up together... but season 1 is not that typical Jane Austen tied up with a bow ending. I get the feeling that Theo James couldn't be renewed for season 2 and that's why they had to take a completely different route. The second season is like a completely different show. And you can always count on PBS to work in as much political messaging as possible. But if you're looking for a period piece with decent acting, this will do the trick I guess.

Senior Year (2022)

Predictable but tolerable

If you are a child of the 90s you'll love the references. Rebel Wilson is charming and silly. The plot is totally unexceptional and predictable. There's also plenty of political messaging that you'd expect from any movie these days.

Outer Range (2022)

Ughhhh

I love sci-fi. But this show felt like a bunch of pretentious meandering. We were hooked initially, but it just drags on after a bit. The plot zig zags all over the place before getting to its point. In the meantime it grossly misrepresents Christians and makes plenty of social and political points. Don't waste your time. Other than Josh Brolin being a good actor, and maintaining some sense of mystery, it's really not worth it.

The King's Man (2021)

The WWI movie I didn't know I needed.

This movie was WAY better than I expected it to be. It was certainly better than the last frickin Kingsman movie which made ZERO sense. This movie was not as fun as the first one though, just a heads up. But I really liked how they tied the founding of the Kingsman organization to the history surrounding WWI. It was interesting and engaging, though a bit scattered. If you don't know your history, you may have a hard time following. But it's definitely worth a watch if you like campy action, fun fight choreography, and a good story.

The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas Evening Sun (2021)

Anderson does it again

If you like Wes Anderson, you will like this movie. It is creative and unique and original. Visually, it is exactly what you'd expect. Muted color palette and even some black and white. Artistic shots that no other filmmaker pulls off. His aesthetic is totally his own and immediately recognizable. There's even some goofy animation thrown in.

The plot is cleverly executed - the final issue of a magazine is gone through story by story. It is bizarre and funny and charming. The actors pull it off beautifully. I would expect it to feel disjointed in its structure, but it doesn't. It flows so well.

Nobody (2021)

Pure escapism

This movie is absurd and occasionally silly. But it has its moments. Bob Odenkirk is great. Worth a watch if you're looking for some pure escapism. But don't expect anything profound.

Encanto (2021)

Charming and fun!

If you like Lin-Manuel Miranda's style, you'll love this musical. The music is great, and the story is sweet. The animation is beautiful. And there is no hidden agenda - if there is, it's not obvious. The story is about the love of family. I enjoyed it, and so did my kids. It's definitely going to be in the regular rotation.

The Guilty (2021)

The police according to Antoine Fuqua

DON'T watch this. I'm serious. It's disturbing and awful.

They sell it as a kidnapping thriller with its compelling trailer. The plot twist is disgusting. I did not sign up for a movie about the stabbing of a baby. I am so disturbed and angry at this point. I held on until the end hoping the baby would make it. I think I would have thrown my TV in the trash if he hadn't.

Apart from that BS plot line, the whole thing is centered on the nonsense that people can't trust the police to help them when they're in need. Just ask all of the people in cities with defunded police forces how it is to have 911 wait times and no one to help in emergencies. This movie literally draws a parallel between a psychotic woman who tried to murder her own child and a police officer who shot someone in the line of duty (of course he says he did it out of anger, because we know all cops just shoot people in anger). Spoiler: Joe's the guilty one. *insert eye roll here*

So I'll definitely be having nightmares tonight. Two stars instead of one simply because Jake Gyllenhaal is such a good actor.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

Sooooo much better

I wish I could unsee the theatrical release of the Justice League. I'm permanently scarred from it. But this version made sense. I could follow it. Yes, it was awfully long. But it paid off. We got a coherent film that actually kept my attention. It was more fun than I expected, and I didn't have to see Henry Cavill's creepy CGI mouth in the end.

DC and Warner Bros have a long way to go after the crap they've churned out, but this movie is a step in the right direction.

Cinderella (2015)

A wonderful retelling

I absolutely ADORE this version of Cinderella. The story itself is an allegory, and this version does it justice.

Lily James is wonderful. She portrays a meek, selfless young woman who personifies love and humility. The moment when she tells her stepmother "I forgive you" gives me chills and brings me to tears every time we watch it.

The casting is perfect, and all of the actors pull of their roles flawlessly. The scenery and costumes are whimsical and lovely. We have four little girls, and they like this Cinderella better than the animated one. The way it's told makes for great discussion about love, family, and forgiveness.

The Suicide Squad (2021)

Weird and wonderful

This movie is VIOLENT. Just a heads up... it is also the funniest movie to come out of DC. Period. The cast is great. The plot is bizarre, and crazy, and original. But it's definitely something to experience.

The Tomorrow War (2021)

Points for originality.

I know Amazon hyped this movie up, but I had very low expectations. There were things I loved and things I hated about it.

Pros:

• Pretty original! Think Timecop meets Aliens?

• Chris Pratt is fun
• Happy ending (I like my movies tied up nicely)
• CGI is pretty dang good

Cons:

• Movie as a whole felt disjointed
• Who are the sound guys mixing these movies? The action is always too loud and the dialogue too quiet. And no, I'm not a 65 year old woman named Karen. It's an objective fact!

• They're aliens, but lookout! There's global warming too! This was just an unnecessary political twist.

• The jokes are pretty lame.

• I understand the character development that they were trying to facilitate, but there was just too much going on. He feels unimportant, he has daddy issues, Muri has daddy issues, blah blah blah. The conversation on the beach is just painful.

• So. Many. Plot holes. I know it's a time travel movie and that's not real. But so many questions could have been addressed. Like why the jump error? Why is Dan so unhappy with his job? Why on earth would a super smart scientist bring an alien she knows attracts the other ones to their last base??? Like just take the sample in the field, kill the betch, and get on with it. Amirite?

Overall this movie is worth a watch if you want an exciting sci-fi flick that ends well. But don't expect too much or think about it too hard.

Wild Mountain Thyme (2020)

Sweet & lovely

My husband and I both liked this movie. It was funny in the vein of another Irish film we like called Matchmaker. I don't get the negative reviews. I think people who don't like that genre aren't going to get this or enjoy its quirky sense of humor. But Emily Blunt and Jamie Dornan both do a great job. The weakest part of this movie is Christopher Walken's Irish accent.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

I don't get the negative reviews!

I watched this with our kids, and I had very low expectations honestly. But I was pleasantly surprised! They laughed through the whole movie. I found myself laughing multiple times. The story was charming and funny. Jim Carrey was, well, Jim Carrey. James Marsden did a good job of acting with a CGI hedgehog. We definitely will add this to our regular rotation of kids movies, and we're looking forward To the sequel!

The Thrill of It All (1963)

Worst Doris Day movie, trust me.

I grew up watching films from the 50s and 60s. Doris Day was always my favorite actress. And I love her other movie with James Garner: Move Over, Darling. But this movie is absolutely terrible. I would consider myself relatively conservative, but I don't know what else to call this movie other than patriarchal propaganda. Seriously.

Garner's character is so insecure that he can't handle his wife getting mildly famous. He doesn't support her making $80k+/year for leaving the house ONE. DAY. A. WEEK. They have a live in house keeper to help with the kids. But he resents that Doris Day is anything but a doctor's wife and contributes financially.

Their argument is really ugly, and he leaves the house and stays at a hotel because he's apparently a child. He's willing to leave his family because his wife wants to have a part time job? What the actual hell?

His solution (it's implied that the psychologist in the office next door has advised him in this)? Make her think he's having an affair so she'll get jealous and quit. And she never confronts him - it literally ends without being addressed.

Part of me hoped that this movie was really just satire, but I don't really see it. The jokes fall terribly flat, and several plot lines go completely unresolved. I am a stay at home mother who finds fulfillment in her family, and I still find this movie to be complete rubbish. If you want a good Doris Day movie, watch Send Me No Flowers, Lover Come Back, or That Touch of Mink.

Prometheus (2012)

Dumbest. Scientists. Ever.

This movie had so much potential. I am still waiting for a truly intelligent horror/sci-fi flick where the characters make rational choices that fit their roles and there aren't so many frickin plot holes. Why on Earth would a scientist on an alien planet take off their helmets in an untested atmosphere? Why do they get lost when they have a map? Why when we first encounter alien, we gotta touch it? Obviously these writers have literally never spoken to an actual biologist or archaeologist. I get trying to make a scary movie, but the plot was just absurd.