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Reviews
Freelance (2023)
If you like terrible white savior movies then this is for you
As the title says this has all the hallmarks of an awful white savior movie, without any of the charm that usually comes with the genre; just a big strong white guy that goes to a foreign land and kills a bunch of people because he's the good guy. While the type of movie itself is generally problematic, what truly makes this movie so bad is that it feels like the entire script was written like a mad lib story, or as if it was written and produced by an AI system. Everything seemed put together in a very disjointed and incoherent way, the characters didn't seem to go together, the plot was chaotic, the comedy was in weird and unnecessary places, and none of the characters actions were realistic for who they were supposed to be.
Saltburn (2023)
A movie that pushes the boundaries of cinema in all the ways the wrong ways
I went in to watching this movie with an open mind, knowing that it was fairly divisive in how it was received, and while I can't say that it was one of the worst movies ever, like I have heard many say, it was not a good movie. The movie was a failure for me across the board; the characters were unbelievable, uninspired, fake, and uninteresting; the story was at times nearly nonexistent and seemed to make logical leaps at every change of scene; the development of character relationships was generally nonexistent, everyone just seemed to exist within the chaos that was the "plot"; and the arc of the plot made absolutely no sense by the end of the movie.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Should have been a TV series
I really, really, wanted this to be good, and while it wasn't terrible, it didn't deliver in the way that I think many had hoped it would. It may be a fairly controversial opinion but I loved the first D&D movie that was ever made, at least the first half of it, and I wanted this to fall in that same vein of movie. While the movie stuck to the fantasy, action, comedy genre I never felt like the jokes hit hard enough for me to really enjoy the film.
While I was impressed with the amount of actual D&D mechanics they threw into the film, I think it made it a little harder to really follow the story. The biggest issue that I had with the film was that it seemed to have to much detail crammed into to short of a time frame. The story seemed to suffer as a result of not having enough time to truly develop any character arc or relationship; the movie relied on every classic trope it could use to fill the gaps in a very rushed setting. The end result of it left me with the feeling that it was like a game of D&D, but not in a good way; the characters seemed to just be thrown together, the story seemed jumpy and rushed, the big bad was hokey and anticlimactic, and it failed to convey the fantasy setting it should have.
Renfield (2023)
Sometimes, you can't use blood and gore to save a bad plot
I thought this movie had so much promise going into it and it, unfortunately, failed to deliver on my expectations. While initially set up to be a comedy horror centered around Dracula's servant and the internal demons that he must wrestle with, the movie seems to attempt to morph into a buddy, cop, comedy over time and fails to really deliver on either type of movie. The choice in character development and the ways in which the movie progress make it impossible to truly embrace the wanton gore and violence that is emblematic of a comedy horror while also exploring the zany relationship that is developed between Renfield and his cop "partner". While it is very gory and often shows gratuitous violence it seems, in my opinion, to be lacking the sarcastic comedy that is needed to fully develop as a comedy horror that you can get lost in; it seemed like several actors in the movie were unable to convey the same energy, and vibe, as the rest of the cast.
While I wouldn't tell people not to watch this movie I would recommend many others before it as well.
Obliterated (2023)
Oceans/A-Team for idiots
I try to give everything a chance, but ten minutes in I could tell their was little hope for the show; I forced myself to watch all of it so I could leave the most honest review possible, hopefully someone else will see this and not do the same.
The story, if you want to call it that, is one of the oldest troupes they could have come up with; it's just a "Commy" with a big bomb, if they were going for a parody/farce they failed at nearly every level of story development. Every action that is taken throughout the show is telegraphed and predictable, even the misdirects and gags; it felt like they were trying for a campy feel yet it was so overtly obvious and in your face that it was unenjoyable.
The characters were essentially rip offs of all the great heist and action comedy movies there are, and not in a good way. No hate to Nick Zano, I like a lot of the stuff he is in, but they literally made him look like a Walmart Brad Pitt, and his acting seemed to reflect that. There were a few decent moments when his character veered from the knock off action hero and embraced the sarcastic, genuine, acting that he has done in the past; the moments where an actual character shown through were few and far between the unwatchable, generic, ripoff. While he was the most obvious and egregious example every actor was a near direct ripoff of some other famous character and the acting reflected that.
On top of being knock offs, the character development throughout the series was atrocious. As an action comedy I wasn't expecting to get every characters life story, or have them pull at my heart strings, but I at least expected the characters to mesh and for them to develop enough character for me to get invested in the show. The failed campy/farce vibe of the series might be partially responsible, but the inability of the characters to convey any authentic feeling or development over the series made them hard to watch. While they tried to make the show fun and sprinkled in slapstick humor and jokes between the characters there were only a few moments were I found myself laughing at all.
The saving grace of the entire series seemed to be pinned on the concept that it was supposed to be an overexaggerated, slapstick, action comedy, however they failed to deliver on nearly all of what a show like theirs should be. I'd like to say that they were original in how bad, overproduced, and obscene the whole thing was but there are plenty of other shows and movies that have done exactly what they attempted to do, and have done it well.
I gave it a 4/10 because while it was very hard to watch, and I hated a lot of it, there were a few decent moments through out the show and the action and absurdity of the entire thing was enough to keep me watching, if only to say that I saw all of it. If I wasn't a fan of this type of show/movie I probably would have rated it lower than I did.
Vampire Academy (2014)
Cringy
This was a truly terrible movie, I didn't have high expectations since it was based off of a teen fantasy but it was hard to get through the whole thing it was so cringy. Even though there are numerous talented actors in the cast nothing could save this movie; I honestly feel bad that they had to "act" in a flop like this. If you are looking for a movie that takes all the worst characteristics of a teen fantasy and shoves them down your throat for an hour and a half then this is the movie for you. The plot is predictable, the acting is cringy, the dialog is terrible, and the cinematography is jumpy and impossible to follow/sit through.
Charlie Bartlett (2007)
Fantastic coming of age story
I loved this movie. It has everything that I want in a movie, a fantastic cast, a good story, phenomenal character development, great story progression, a message or purpose, humor, a well thought out premise, a good script, and a satisfying ending. This movie has nearly everything you could hope for in a coming of age comedy centered around a directionless high school student and is able to capture the spirit of the issues that are being dealt with by both teenagers and adults today. Although it is a little predictable and quirky at times this is definitely a movie that is worth watching, and re-watching, in my opinion. It may be just one in a long line of coming of age movies that embodies teenage angst but this is the movie I suggest to anyone looking for this type of movie.
God Bless America (2011)
It's terrible! and I loved it!
It's an awful premise, and I laughed through all of it! The acting is great, the jokes are hilarious and dark, and the characters are well developed for such an absurd movie. It is a very dark movie and has some very odd/weird (bordering on gross) character dynamics and story lines but the fact that it sticks to the dark theme through out the movie and never breaks character makes it well worth the watch. It may not be for the faint of heart but for those that love dark and sarcastic comedy that parodies the absurdities of our society there is no better movie to watch than this.
Max Reload and the Nether Blasters (2020)
Don't waste your time
I went in to watching the movie hoping for a campy, nerdy, comedy that would be easy to watch; I had high hopes that if Kevin Smith was in it, it would be good. It had none of what I had hoped for. The acting was terrible, and definitely not in a campy way; none of the actors were believable in their roles, the character development was terrible, the dialog was hard to even listen to, and none of the characters had remotely realistic personalities. The story was terrible; there was no commitment to a style or genre, the settings were bad, there was no real flow or progression to the story, and the action and dialog throughout the movie never really contributed to the actual story.
Even though it was released in 2020 it felt like they were trying to give the movie a late 90's early 2000's vibe and emulate what made movies from that era fun and great, but they failed miserably at that. The jokes didn't land, the relationships didn't hit, and what was meant to seem campy and fun came off as bad acting. The movie overall seemed to have very little substance to cling to and it was a struggle to sit through the entire thing, although I wouldn't tell people to never watch it I would tell them to be prepared to regret watching it at the end.