Aligned: Volume 4: Aligned, #4

Chapter One

Ethan

I tried to get rid of the monster. I thought we could escape the darkness by starting over. I thought we could put our pasts behind us.

The demons found me, though. The urges came back. There is no such thing as redemption. I can’t be saved.

I tried to put my urges to rest. But the need to inflict pain is too strong to resist. I can’t hold back any longer.

I can’t be saved from the monster because I am the monster.

Chapter Two

Alex

23-489-37562-30 ... The numbers from my tattoo play over and over in my head, but I don’t know what they mean.

It was Ethan. I stare at the computer screen in disbelief. It can’t be. He couldn’t have done the horrible things to me. He’s my husband. He’s supposed to love me. I take a deep breath and get up from my bed, leaving the computer screen with the evidence behind.

I walk to my kitchen needing a glass of water. My hand shakes as I pour the glass of water and bring it to my lips. When the water is gone, I place the glass back on the counter surprised by how steady my hand has become after simply downing the water.

It was Ethan. He raped me. He lied to me. He had another man convicted for his crime, and then he had the balls to marry me.

I expect tears to fall. I expect sobbing. I expect untold sadness, but it never comes. I don’t mourn the loss of my husband. I’ve mourned the loss long enough.

It was Ethan. He hired the people that tried to kill me in the car attack. He faked his own kidnapping. I don’t have the evidence, but I know he was the one who did this. He wasn’t trying to help me that night. He was trying to get rid of me because he knew I had figured out that he was my rapist.

I look down at the scars etched on my body. I look down at my leg that I can never get back. Ethan did this.

I scream as the anger overwhelms my body. I run to the couch and take off my prosthetic leg. I fumble with it instead of taking it off smoothly like I always do. When I finally get it off, I throw it and watch as it crashes into the far wall. I look down at my disfigured body. He took my memories from me. I will never remember my mother. I’ll never remember my life before. All because of him. This pain. This ugliness. It’s because of Ethan. He did this.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him, I scream over and over.

I pound my fists into the couch trying to get my anger out. Trying to prevent it from taking over every nerve in my body. The pounding doesn’t prevent it, though. Instead, it drives the anger wild as it spreads through every fiber in my body until I’m shaking. I slowly bring my hand up to touch my face that is burning red. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself so that I can think rationally, but there is no thinking rational. Not today.

All I see is Ethan dying at my hands. That’s all I want.

I lean back on the pillows that are now empty from all the stuffing being ripped out. It was Ethan. He attacked me in my own home. He made me think I was going to die, again. He hurt me. And then he blamed it all on James.

I throw the empty pillows to the floor. They float slowly to the floor not bringing me nearly enough satisfaction from the motion. I squeeze my hands into fists and then release them. I do this over and over. It’s not enough, though.

I know Ethan did every horrible thing that has ever happened in my life. I close my eyes, and that’s when I see it. His eyes. They are dark black and empty. His eyes change from the dark brown he normally wears to dark black every time he attacked me. It was him. I may not have the evidence to prove it. All of the evidence may point to Daniel as my supposed rapist, to Alfie King as my supposed attacker, and to James as my supposed attacker and robber, but I know it was Ethan.

I hop back to my bedroom leaving my prosthetic leg on the floor of my living room. I climb back in bed, and I begin reading. I read everything.

I read all of my theories on who my rapist was. Each one was crossed off until I get to Ethan. Every time, I kept coming back to him. I searched everywhere in our old apartment looking for evidence. I searched in Laura’s house for evidence. I found nothing. Not until I searched his office at the law firm did I find something. And even then, I only found one tiny thing. One piece of evidence that he could never get rid of. The video. Video proof of the rape.

He couldn’t part with it; even though he knew if anybody ever found the video, it would destroy him. The video is on the file. I just don’t know if I can watch it.

I hover the cursor over the file for a long time trying to decide what I should do. I click it. I watch it. And it just makes me angrier. I can’t believe he did this to me. Except I can. I always felt a disconnect between Ethan and me. I didn’t understand why we were married. I still don’t understand why I married this monster. But I did.

My eyes stay glued to the video as Ethan pushes me into a closet at the bar. He’s holding his phone out and using it to videotape us. I watch my expression change from happiness at thinking he was just coming on strong and wanting a make-out session to fear as I realize what he really wants.

I watch myself scream before he covers my mouth with his hand. I watch as he jabs a needle into my neck. I wince and grab my own neck as he does. I feel the pain just as the woman in the video does. It’s as if I’m there in the moment, even though I’m not.

I watch as he sets his phone on a shelf in the closet so he can get everything on video to relive over and over. I watch my body go limp but not my eyes. I see every painful thing done to me. I see the pain in my eyes. I see the fear. He did this to me. When he’s finished, I pass out. He injects me again before leaving. I’m sure that second dose is what left me without memories from that night. The only thing I ever remembered was his eyes.

I have proof. Proof that could send him to prison for a very long time, proof that could release the man currently serving his sentence, but it’s not enough. Alfie is serving a sentence he may or may not deserve. But James … he is definitely serving a sentence that he doesn’t deserve. I don’t have anything that could set him free. Daniel told me not to go to the police. We don’t know who to trust. So I won’t. I won’t go to the police. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to save James. I don’t know how to make Ethan pay. I don’t know how to save myself.

I watch the video again. It’s just as painful the second time. I try to the match the video to my nightmares, but it doesn’t quite match up and I don’t know why. I finally resign to stop torturing myself with the video and save it to my computer before I pull the flash drive out and put it in my pocket. I won’t go anywhere without this file ever again. I need to know it’s safe.

That’s when I see it. The other flash drive. I pick it up and look at it. The flash drive Ethan gave me. The flash drive that supposedly has something on it so horrible about Landon that I won’t want to be with him. That I will do anything to protect Landon from this getting out.

I stare the flash drive. I don’t believe Ethan. I don’t believe anything on this flash drive would destroy Landon. I trust Landon. I love Landon. Nothing on this could ever change that.

I get up from my bed and hop to my closet where my suitcase is. I dig through it until I find my prosthetic leg made for running. I put it on and then walk to the bathroom. I toss the flash drive Ethan gave me in the trash. I don’t need to look at it. Whatever is on it is just a lie. A lie to bring me back to Ethan. I will never go back to Ethan.

I make my way out of my condo building and down the beach. The sun is setting over the ocean as my feet touch the sand. It couldn’t be a more beautiful night. How can the world be so beautiful when I’m going through so much pain? So much anger.

Landon is supposed to land in two hours. That’s all the time I have to figure out a plan.

I begin running across the sand. I try to let the beauty of the night heal me, but I soon realize I don’t need healing. I’ve already healed. Scars have formed, and I’ve accepted my body for what it is. Landon helped me do that. I made the right choice when I chose Landon over Ethan. What I do need is to let the anger go so that I can do what needs to be done.

I run faster and faster until I can barely breathe. Until my feet can’t move me any faster. Until each step becomes painful again.

I need evidence. I need evidence that Ethan tried to kill me. Twice. I got the evidence before. I reach into my pocket, feeling the flash drive there. I got it before, so I can get it again. Then when I have enough to nail him for all three crimes, I will go to the police. I’ll find the police officer that Ethan doesn’t have in his corner. But not until then.

I can’t tell Landon my plan. He would never be okay with me putting myself at risk. Even though my life has been at risk every day since I met Ethan. I just didn’t know it. He would hire untold amounts of security to keep me safe. He would move us across the country to keep me away from him. He might even go after Ethan. He might kill him. None of those options are good. I don’t want protection. I don’t want to run. And I don’t want Landon to ruin his life.

No, I have to do this myself. But is Ethan spending the rest of his life in jail going to be enough to satisfy my revenge? What if he doesn’t get life? What if he gets out on bail? What if he gets out after ten, twenty, thirty years? He’ll come after me. He’ll come after Landon. He’ll come after any family I have.

I force my legs to move farther even though they are tired. Far too tired. I need to keep running until I get all of the anger out of my body. I soon realize that may mean I have to keep running every second for the rest of my life. I finally let my legs slow until I am just walking. Until I can breathe again. Until the pain is gone.

I exhale deeply. He only raped me once. Although now it feels like he raped me over and over again. He raped me every time since. I didn’t know who I was fucking when I was saying yes. He was taking my freedom each time.

He tried to kill me twice. Both times to keep his secret. To keep the world from knowing that he raped me.

I smile. He failed. He failed twice at killing me. But I know what I’ll do now. I’ll get the evidence to free the men who don’t deserve to pay, and then I’ll kill him. And unlike Ethan, when I try to kill him, I won’t fail. He’ll be dead.

Chapter Three

Landon

At three years old

I lost my faith.

I remember it

Like it was yesterday.

It’s yours, Caroline says.

My heart stops. My world stops. I had everything that I could ever want. I had Alex. I had an amazing career. I had money. I had Drew. Now, I have nothing.

Drew will hate me.

My career will be ruined.

All of my money will go to this kid. Caroline will make sure of that.

And Alex ... She’ll never forgive me. I’ll lose her. Again. And this time, I don’t think I will ever get her back.

I look at Caroline whose eyes have just now met mine. I see the fear. I see the regret. I see the lie.

You’re lying, I say.

She just shakes her head like she was expecting it.

I’m not lying. I’m pregnant, and the baby is yours.

I don’t believe you. We only slept together that one night. You’ve probably had sex with other men since then. How would I even know it’s mine?

I watch as the words cut through her causing her pain, but I can’t stop myself. I hate her. I hate that she’s lying to me. I hate that she is trying to ruin my life.

You’re just trying to keep me away from Alex. You’re just trying to ruin everything. You’re just trying to get payback for me leaving you at the altar.

I watch a tear fall from her eye. Shit, I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting my words to hurt her. I was expecting her to deny it. I was expecting her to throw the hurt right back in my face.

I get up from my chair and sit next to her. I hesitantly place my hand on her shoulder expecting her to wince away from me. I expect her to hit me. I don’t expect my hand to calm her, but it does. I see her shoulders visibly relax at my touch. So I keep my hand there. I keep holding her. I keep comforting her.

I’m sorry, I say. I shouldn’t have said that. This is just unreal. And I’m not sure I believe you’re pregnant. And I’m really not as sure as you are that the baby is mine.

She nods as she wipes her tears before turning to look at me.

I’m pregnant. And it’s yours. You’re the only one I didn’t use protection with.

I close my eyes at her words. If she is telling the truth, then it means the odds are in my favor that this child is mine. I just don’t trust a word out of Caroline’s mouth. How could I have been so stupid not to use protection? How could I have been so stupid to fuck Caroline in the first place when there was even a chance of getting Alex back? Alcohol.

I exhale deeply, thrusting all of the air out of my lungs and hoping that it will be enough to calm me so I can talk rationally with Caroline instead of throwing things like I really want to.

I need proof, I say.

She nods and smiles slightly.

I scheduled an appointment with a doctor here to do an ultrasound and start the process for a paternity test.

When she speaks, her voice is unwavering. It’s confident. She’s sure that this baby is mine. She’s not lying. I just hope she’s wrong.

Fuck!

Okay. Let’s do that. What time is the appointment?

Three.

I nod. I can do that and still make it to rehearsals for the show tonight.

I’m wearing dark sunglasses and a hat when I enter the clinic with Caroline. Thank god, Caroline isn’t a well-known movie star. I let her check in by herself, and I take a seat in one of the chairs of the waiting room. The chair creaks like it has been used far past its time and is liable to break from just me sitting on it. I’m surprised when it doesn’t. I pick up a car magazine and begin flipping though it trying to hide my face from the other people in the waiting room.

I notice a very pregnant woman sitting across from me, and it makes me uneasy. I’ve never even really thought about if I wanted kids or not. Even with Alex. I’ve never had that conversation. I’m sure Alex wants kids, like all women do, but do I? I didn’t have the best upbringing. My mother was dead. And my father was a deadbeat drunken father who never paid Drew or me any attention. We never had money. We hardly ever had food. We sure as hell never did anything fun. I don’t want a child if it means that’s all I can give them. But I know I can give them more. I can give a child all of the physical things that I never had. I just don’t know how to be a father. I don’t know how a father is supposed to act. I don’t know how a father is supposed to teach his child to be a good person. I have no clue.

Caroline walks over and takes a seat next to me. I watch as her knee bounces lightly in her chair. The same movement Alex does when she’s nervous. I try to push Alex out of my head. I can’t think about her right now. I need to find out the truth, and then I can move on. Then I can do my best to help Caroline as a friend. Then I can figure out my future with Alex.

I place my hand on