“So why do you feel this way, Gabriel?”
I don’t know.
I try really hard to stay positive and
And to like look on the bright side but then my brain
Just it gets all fast and you know I
I think of all the bad things happening in the world right now and I
Feel like I'm not allowed to be sad
at a time like this
I don’t know.
I don’t always feel sad.
Sometimes just...
Empty
Like I'm stuck on a level
That everyone has passed already so I'm
Alone and I
I get so frustrated because it looks like it
was so easy for the others and I
Get anxious because I
am falling behind while people
Are winning trophies and getting medals
While I'm still at stage one
So, he sends me home with my prescription and tells me to
sleep on it some more
And to change my diet
But I
I've stopped trying to make it work
I’ve been waiting for months?
No years.
For proof
that
That there’s something to even live
For. I just need like,
A sign.
Anything.
Dear God,
I need a friend.
That's what I asked for at my window that night
And I looked up to the night sky
That's it;
A break in the clouds.
A shooting star.
Or was that a plane?
No. it’s coming closer I
Think it's on fire
An asteroid? Meteor?
Honestly, I don’t know the difference but it’s getting closer and closer to my backyard, and I don’t think it’s safe to be this close to the window and I think maybe it is a plane after all no it can’t be because it’s too small, but it's definitely made of metal and I
I hear a great “BOOM” and so I crouch
Under my window
Then I get up and look out to my backyard
It's a spaceship I guess.
This little guy comes out
He's got four arms and
These antennae things
So obviously it’s an alien
I guess I got my wish
He needs help getting back home
But his ship is all busted, so I let him stay in my room.
He eats cereal with me in the morning
We went to the dollar store to find some materials to rebuild the ship
It’s all I can afford
We don’t find anything useful
He plays around in the toy aisle
and I get a coke and some off-brand Froot Loops
We eat the Fruit Rings in my backyard
Apparently, it’s really good compared to what they eat on his planet
Which makes me feel kinda good
Because I like cereal
and I always feel bad eating dollar store food
Because it’s cheap and I guess there’s better food
out there but
I don’t know it just tastes the best
He notes the color of the flowers on earth.
Thinks they’re so beautiful and delicate
Which I guess is true.
I never really noticed flowers before because
Well, I don’t know why not.
But they are very pretty, and I
guess I'll try to notice them more now
He also really likes my house.
He says all houses are the same back home and that mine is unique
I tell him that there’s a lot of different houses
And that some people live in these sick big houses called mansions
But also, that some people don’t have a house
at all
I think homelessness made him sad
I mean it makes me sad, too.
So, I showed him some pictures of German architecture
to make him feel better
guess his planet must suck pretty badly
Bad food and no flowers,
I mean. We talked for the whole day
I look up at the stars
I haven’t even opened my coke.
I can’t help him tomorrow,
I've got therapy in the morning
But he sees my coke and gets an idea
He pours the cola in the fuel tank
Because I guess the ingredients are the same as space gasoline
And he rips up the can
I went to get some superglue
but when I got back, he’d already soldered the aluminum to the ship
I do not know how.
Before he leaves,
I ask him if he knows how to not be sad all the time
Like,
he's the one good thing I’ve seen in a while.
Why am I doomed to loneliness?
He gets very confused
“You’re not doomed”
And he was like,
“Gabriel,
Good things come and go because
If they stayed forever,
They wouldn’t mean so much to you.
Day to night,
Sun to storm,
Birth to death,
Life is cyclical.
All you can do is adapt.
Besides,
You can always write.”
And he hands me some envelopes
With these weird space stamps on them
So, he leaves.
And I'm tired because
I have therapy in the morning
“And does making up these stories help you to process your emotions?”
I’m not making it up.
This happened last night.
He sighs
and checks his watch
and flips the sheet of paper on his clipboard
“Unfortunately, we’re out of time for this session”
I guess he let me talk for the extra three minutes
“We’ll pick this back up Thursday.
I’m excited to hear all about your next adventure.” I don’t know why he didn’t believe me
I can’t make things up like that
Why would I be paying for therapy if I could just
Imagine that an alien came down and solved all my problems
Anyway, thanks for the advice.
I agree with you that life is ciclacel
cyclel
clycial
That life is a cycle
You helped me awaken from this dream of perfection.
Living,
life.
I guess it's more like a river you know
It ebbs and flows
Or a roller coaster
Or something else that kinda goes up and down
I
I'll write again soon. - Gabe