10/11/2024_ The Internet Archive is still offline, more than 24 hours after getting DDOSed by dickheads. I use it daily to find source material for projects, old software, vintage pornography, you name it. I've linked to it here literally dozens of times. If you have the 1337 skillz to take down a major site like this, why not direct them at a more deserving target? I'm trying to do stuff here!
09/24/2024_ SC friend Heavy Sixer did me the honor of covering a SLIMECOP song: here's The Man With a P*SSY by The Cong, a trio of trained apes from the DPRK.
09/18/2024_ After four years of annoying or scaring away anybody that happened upon this site, I've finally decided to remove the autoplaying midi version of Dt90s Pt. II: A Dramatic Reading of Erotic Hot Wheels Attack Pack Fanfiction (posted on alt.sex.truckfuckers June 6 1996). When I first added it, there was still browser support for the autoplay feature on IE and maybe older versions of Chrome. As far as I can tell, every up-to-date browser blocks it now and anybody foolish enough to enter my domain has been met with an unknown file downloading to their computer, which obviously sucks. If you still want a musical accompaniment to your SLIMECOP Home Page Experience, click here ==>
09/11/2024_ I recently found an old iMac G3 -- the fruity-colored ones with the big blobby see-thru case built around a CRT monitor -- for $75 at a flea market. I figured it was worth the money even if it didn't work since it's an attractively-designed object that's nice to look at. It's all organic curves, no sharp corners or flat surfaces, and the blue of the translucent molded plastic shell reminds me of leopard slug penises, which I think about fondly and often. I knew right away that I wanted to have sex with it...Surprisingly, it turned on and booted up. I'd forgotten how noisy older computers were, how much buzzing and whirring went on, and how long it took them to start. I was hoping to poke around the previous owner's personal business, maybe browse through the MP3s they downloaded on Napster or check out their Yahoo Messenger chatlog, but sadly, the machine doesn't recognize the USB keyboard or mouse I got on ebay. Hopefully it's a fixable issue. If not, I have a very pretty 40 lb paperweight...In any event, a happy Nine-Elevensday to those that celebrate. Listen to this 911 times or you're a dirty Forgetter who disrespects the victims with your shitty existence.
08/17/2024_ Kind of a neat find: a cigarette ad in the middle of an old Ace Double paperback I got at the used bookstore. I didn't know that advertising in paperbacks was ever a done thing, though I guess it couldn't have been very common since this is the first time I'm seeing it. A better idea would've been a coupon for a half-price pack of cigs in every book, like the prize in a box of Crackerjacks. Pretty sure they could still do that in 1971.
07/27/2024_ The last several weeks of Current Events in the US of A have fully lived up to my expectations of 2024. Feels like this ride is picking up speed on its way to a fatal wreck and I would like to get off now please. At work, it seems like everyone has been emboldened to be as loudly, obnoxiously stupid and crazy as they please, with the apparent expectation that anybody within hearing distance must agree with them. If you don't have actual horns growing out of your head, you couldn't possibly be on Team Evil. I've got some kind of Bible Study Group of Young Earth Creationists on one side, and TikTok-brained right wing conspiracy theorists on the other. I'm sure there's some crossover between them, but they are definitely annoying in different ways. One guy, a very friendly and seemingly-normal dude, had a phone call with a customer the other day where he spent several minutes explaining how the Sandy Hook Massacre parents were crisis actors faking their tears for the media. The Trump assassination attempt and Biden dropping out have these people in a frenzy, and I get the pleasure of eavesdropping on their conversations whether I want to or not. I'm starting to feel like the sane man in a world of retarded maniacs, which is not a natural fit for me. I'm a goddamn weirdo, and I look like it. I should be the one saying crazy shit! The Internet Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the normie race.
06/23/2024_ The Scurvy Scalawag compilation had to be re-released, apparently due to some bullshit copyright claims. I hate broken links, so I've updated the link to my contribution in the post below. XTROsexual Coming-Out Party is actually based on a true story. Or a purportedly-true fakepost, which is close enough. I found a screenshot of the original and it's both sadder and funnier than I remembered. The best part has to be "I ordered pizzas and planned a lot of fun activities we could do that would explain to my friends and family what anal vore is." It looks like it was posted on reddit just over 10 years ago, so happy 10th anniversary to this classic.
05/25/2024_ Savage Narcotic released another compilation, now called Pirates Music Collection. Arrrr, matey! I contributed XTROsexual Coming-Out Party from the ULTRAVILE EP. It starts here. Once again, I'm happy I got a chance to expose some strangers to the filth backing up out of my head. I hope they caught something.
05/07/2024_ I guess it doesn't really count as a new music video, but [Pre-Historic DickWORM] has a new video up on YouTube that's set to music. I always wanted to fuck some tits.
04/20/2024_ This is the 25 year anniversary of the Columbine HS shooting. It's bizarre to me that an event that loomed so large in the cultural imagination as I was growing up happened a quarter century ago. And yet there is no shortage of creepy internet shrines to R & V by people who weren't even alive at the time, but seemingly wish that Eric Harris or Dylan Klebold (or both!) was their boyfriend. Despite the death toll being surpassed many times over by what must be hundreds of school massacres by this point, the influence of the Columbine shooting never seems to fully dissipate, like a fart that just hangs there no matter how much you flap your latest issue of Family Confessions magazine to fan it away. On a *totally unrelated* note, here's an ambient track I made for a friend's video project.
03/30/2024_ The Dank Basement Picnic EP is complete. It's about ugly people having sex. Guest-featuring the voice acting talents of De Sade and the Rev. Harvey from [Pre-Historic DickWORM] as the debauched foodfuckers Dan Weiss and Ms. Cobb. If you want to spend 15 minutes in the company of a midwestern sex coven without getting anything sticky on you, this is your safest bet.
03/23/2024_ The next track for the new EP is finished: SPAM Bean Bake. Doing the artwork for this one was more involved than usual, since I wanted to take the premise of the album and do it "for real". This required me to get my hands on an ancient VHS camcorder and tape myself in various lewd acts with foodstuffs. I sat naked on two layers of black plastic trashbags with 28 ounces of Bush's Best baked beans cooling in my lap, and I did it for you.
03/10/2024_ New track is up on the SC page: ACID PUKE. This is a nice song about nice people and no one gets their face melted off. I promise.
02/04/2024_ They had a do-over of the compilation premier for some reason, so I've fixed the links in the last post. I happened to check it out right before Man With A Pussy started, and I had the pleasure of seeing a few strangers on the internet comment on my music in real time. I'm glad I was able to share the Pussy Goblin with some small part of the world.
01/28/2024_ I got invited to contribute to a music compilation put together by something calling itself Savage Narcotic. My contribution starts here. This is the first one of these I've been a part of, and I've got to admit, it was fun watching the chat during the premier, hoping that somebody would react to hearing "I'M THE PUSSY GOBLIN! I WILL EAT--MMHMMM--YOUR PUSSY!!!" No one said anything, but hopefully at least one person out there in YouTube Land popped a megaboner so hard their dick shot out of their foreskin like a ketchuppy hotdog squirting out the bun and it hit the wall and just stuck there...About 20 years ago, there was an attempt by some people in the Northeast Arkansas music scene to promote local artists under the label OUR Records, with "OUR" being a goofy backronym standing for "Overcoming and Undermining the Republic." They put out a few compilations, and some friends of mine contributed with some of the most offensive music ever made. It kinda felt Big Time, like something really cool was about to happen and I might be invited to tag along...instead it just petered out. I have no idea if any of the people involved in OUR Records actually ended up having "real" music careers, but there's not really a local scene in NEA any more as far as I can tell. It's one of those places people tend to escape from at the first opportunity.
12/29/2023_ It's the gray, dead week between Christmas and New Year's and my work is so slow right now that it feels like time has stopped. But I don't really mind, because the coming year scares the shit out of me. 2024 promises to be unbelievably fucking stupid and I would just as soon hang out here in 2023 for a little while longer. Last night I spent several hours stuck on Wendy's Castle in Super Mario World and it brought back all the frustration and rage of just ALMOST beating a level only to die to some stupid fuckup at the last second that you tend to forget in your nostalgic memories of childhood video gaming sessions. One of the controllers for my SNES still has these little rat-like teethmarks embedded in the plastic from where I bit it in a fury during a section of Donkey Kong Country 2 I couldn't get past. After multiple visits to Yoshi's Island 2 to stock up on lives, I finally stomped the bitch's brains out and wiped her castle off the map. For dinner I made a salad from the leftover Christmas ham. The dead pig was beautiful with a really lovely glaze, but it was sadly freezerburnt to the point of being almost inedible. For Christmas dinner, we had to pick around the darker, freezerburnt bits, so those are mostly what I brought home with me. To cover up the taste, I blended her smooth and mixed in chopped pickles, green olives, lettuce, sliced provelone and pepperoni, sweet peppers, mayo, olive oil, vinegar, and hot mustard, with a few shakes of Italian seasoning and black pepper. It turned out great, and I've got enough to have sandwiches for days. I'd make a good housewife to a sweaty, alcoholic Don Draper type who neglects me emotionally and brings home venereal diseases from his WHORES.
11/29/2023_ I found a worse one: HARVEST HAMCAKES. That's pancakes with Deviled Ham filling. Look at that picture and tell me you would eat that. Appropriately, the table it's sitting on looks like some kind of Satanic altar.
11/24/2023_ I've been digging into Better Homes and Gardens magazines from the late '60s as research for a new project. The library in Burlingame, CA was nice enough to scan the back issues in their collection, some of which you can find here. Mainly I'm interested in the graphic design and the ads, but I've also found some truly bizarre recipes, like this Fruited Pot Roast or the Crab Supper Pie. The ads for food products had some of the weirdest ones. Here's a Miracle Whip ad with a recipe for Savory-Frosted Meatloaf, a meatloaf frosted all over like a cake with salad dressing. Yum.
10/06/2023_ SC friend Mister Kyle (AKA Heavy Sixer) has a new project: The Technicolor Theatre of the Ear. It's like an old-timey radio show gone pornographic, scatological, and just plain fucking weird. Featuring the voice talents of many famous dead people thanks to AI Satanic black magic. Sick shit!
09/21/2023_ It's been three years today since I started this site. Mainly it was just something to do to keep from going stir crazy, as well as a vanity project that allowed me to indulge my Elder Millennial nostalgia for the Web 1.0 homepage aesthetic... My very first Web site was an extremely crude Geocities page made sometime in the Spring of 2001. I wish I could remember the name to see if it ever got archived. I'm pretty sure it was a just a single page crammed with Wolf 3D .gifs and shock images stolen from rotten.com with a black bar MS-Painted over the watermark to make them "mine." I added an interactive banner from Newgrounds that was kind of a half-assed game. Pretty sure it was the one where you can explode the dancing hamsters by hovering your mouse cursor over them. Looking for that just now, I noticed that Ruffle is integrated into archived Web pages, so you can actually see what they looked like back when embedded Flash objects and menus were the coolest thing. I had a little inferiority complex about the shitty .gif animations I based my second Geocities page around, because they ran in a loop instead of playing on command like a Flash movie. It would take me a few years to pirate and learn to use Flash, which turned out to be a curse in disguise. Since I decided it would be cool to have all of my links accessible only from an animated Flash menu, the page with all my .gif animations didn't get Webcrawled and archived before Geocities went down. The song Christ Consuming the Unborn was my tribute to the best of these, a cartoon showing what happens to the souls of aborted fetuses (Jesus eats them). The lyrics are basically a scene-by-scene recreation of that lost masterpiece, which is probably why it's such a fucking mess. My later sites would all be hosted on Angelfire, which I thought of as more advanced somehow. Looking back on it, I'm sure I made at least half a dozen different Web sites through junior high and high school, though I've only been able to find two of them (which I will not be sharing). I dropped Web design altogether as a hobby after 10th grade, after we cancelled our unbearably slow 56k internet connection at home. I didn't pick it up again until 2020. Now, three years later, I'm really happy that I did. I know it's just a vanity project, I know I'm only talking to myself on here, I know that 99% of my traffic is probably farting fucking robots...but I like it anyway. It's mine.
09/11/2023_ In memory of 9/11, here's a scan of METAL EDGE Magazine's special 9/11 issue, published soon after the attacks. I've got a writeup on it posted on the links page as well. For some reason, music magazines don't get archived very frequently, or maybe they just get taken down more than other publications. So here's a slice of embarrassing pop culture history to remind you how weird and stupid everything got right after those towers fell. Never Forget.
08/10/2023_ New album complete. Check out "WHY OHIO?" if you want more crazy bullshit in your life. I might be biased, but I think it's pretty good.
07/20/2023_ Three new songs are up on the SLIMECOP(jr) SoundClown page: Mothmen at Work,BeasTV, and Golf Cart with Guillotine. I like this pace of work much better than the week-long crunch to hurry up and just get it the fuck over with that I've used on recent albums. Hopefully the end result is better too.
07/04/2023_ The firsttwo songs for the new SLIMECOP album have been posted on SC. The album will be 10 tracks and a little over half an hour long and I'll be finishing songs and posting them in batches of two or three until it's done sometime in August. I wanted to get these two out there in time for ID4, mainly because The Final Cookout has the lyric "all the flags are on fire on the fourth of July" and I wanted it to feel timely for at least 24 hours.
05/16/2023_ A few updates: I've set up a SpaceHey profile so I can jack myself off about how much better the internet used to be on two different platforms. I've also got a new magazine scan uploaded and a writeup on it in the Archived Oddities section. This time, it's porn.
04/04/2023_ I've added a new Internet Archive upload to the links page. This one is a Johnson Smith Company Things You Never Knew Existed catalog from Fall 2001. I used to look at these all the time as a kid, but the only one I could find a scan of online was from '91. Hopefully I've done a service to any other weirdos out there obsessed with decades old cultural ephemera.
02/28/2023_ I recently decided to start scanning and uploading some of the old magazines and comic book trash I've got piled up in my closet. This stuff has been building up for years. My original justification was that I could cut it up for collage someday, but I also just plain like it, and some of it is obscure enough that digital copies don't exist anywhere online. So I'm going to make a regular feature out of my latest uploads to the Internet Archive, in hopes that these stupid things don't disappear forever. I've got the first one posted to the Archived Oddities section of the links page.
01/16/2023_ Seven years ago today, King of the Ooze was finished and posted on SoundCamp. This was my first real attempt at music after years of making small contributions to projects by certain unnamed accomplices. I gave it a listen this afternoon to see how it holds up, and I've got to say: it sucked then and it sucks now.
12/31/2022_ A little while back, I started thinking of how I would explain this project to any of the normal people in my life who don't know I waste an inordinate amount of time creating weird bullshit with an audience you could count on both hands (and that's only including the middle fingers). I put together a playlist of the least embarrassing tracks I've recorded, which necessarily excludes anything made during the time when I was recording vocals on my cellphone inside my car because I lived in an apartment with eggshell-thin walls and scary people on the other side whose attention I wanted desperately to avoid. I came up with the tracklist fairly quickly, made up of the best songs from each album from mid-2018 up through last year. It took longer to think of a good title for the compilation, until I finally opted for a title that's no good at all: Ultimate SLIMECOP II Turbo: Rampage Edition. In the final hours of the final night of 2022, possibly the last year before we are all consumed in atomic fire, this is my present to you.
12/18/2022_ The first [Pre-Historic DickWORM] album was released today, exactly one year after the video for Get VaXXXed! was unleached upon the world. This thing started as a one-off, then quickly became a project based on releasing only "singles" and music videos. After we'd recorded four or five tracks, we just decided to keep going and call it an album. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and even happier with how fun it was to help make it. I've been making "art" with De Sade since 2006, and this is easily the coolest thing we've done. Go to bandcamp now and catch the DickWORM fever!
10/22/2022_ Just in time for Halloween, the grossest shit you've ever seen: the Groovy Graveyard Gangbang has arrived. It's another Fun Size release at five tracks and just over 20 minutes, making it the perfect soundtrack for your annual descent into the Pit of Abominations beneath the old cemetary. Give it a listen and go to hell.
08/20/2022_ The new SLIMECOP EP is underway, with the release planned for Halloween. I've been playing around with some new plugins and tools, like this bitcrusher that makes my crappy little synths sound Extra Crunchy. It's a free download, so it fits right in with my philosophy about never paying for anything unless I have to. The amount of free VSTs, sample libraries, and software available now blows my ageing, amyloid plaque-encrusted mind. When I was making my earliest feeble attempts at electronic music as a kid, your only real options were piracy or credit card fraud. Or learning how to use an instrument. Shoulda gone with number three.
06/15/2022_ I've added a new section to the links page for music people I've collaborated with. I was doing a lot of that earlier this year, before getting tangled up in personal projects. I'll keep adding to this section as it (hopefully) grows.
04/20/2022_ It's the 23rd anniversary of the Columbine High School massacre, as well as the 17th anniversary of Super Columbine Massacre RPG! Anniversaries which mean nothing. Three years ago, I had a half-assed idea to do a 20th anniversary "tribute" album released on 04/20/2019, but this didn't come to anything more than an idle fantasy. I settled for using some clips pulled from the Rampart Range video on Hail Gay Satan and dismember the '90s? For a proper Columbine tribute, see this touching song by PMERM.
02/20/2022_ The DickWORM just released another disgusting video. This time they've ruined seafood, canned clam chowder, and spinach. Maybe it's because this one's in color, or maybe it's all the chunky, semi-liquid foodstuffs being slurped and smeared around by grown men in their 30s, but I think this one is even grosser than the last. I'm back doing vocals again as Dr. Spooge, while De Sade produced the music and created the video as an excuse to get dressed up and act like a whore.
12/19/2021_ Old PPMG friends de Sade and the Rev. Gothic Harvey made a music video for their new project, [Pre-Historic DickWORM]. It's a Silent Hill-themed porno parody of anti-vaxx/pro-Trump politics, and it will almost certainly be taken down from YouTube for simulated masturbation and spurting fluids. I'm the fucker with the salad tongs in the video.
11/25/2021_ Give thanks! ULTRAVILE is complete. Listen here or any of the usual places. Give money, etc.
10/31/2021_Satan, it's your birthday / Happy birthday, Satan! It's been a not bad Halloween weekend. I spent most of Saturday working on art and talking to de Sade from PPMG about our shared neo-Luddite tendencies. After a quick run to the liquor store, I ordered delivery from Marco's and finished the night with a spooky movie marathon, timing it perfect so midnight came right at the part in Eraserhead where Henry cuts the gauze holding together his "baby" and punctures its exposed organs with the scissors, and all that nasty creamed corn shit comes squirting out. I started today with a hangover, normal for Sunday, and lungs full of tar from last night's cigarettes. I had leftover pizza and Halloween candy for breakfast, then set about making a new SoundCloud profile to get around their free upload limit. The first tracks I posted were the remainder of EW&LF, which I didn't have room for on the main account (that's the real reason I even bothered with that failed experiment in paid bandcamp downloads). There's track art for all eight songs on the album now, with my favorite being Half-Chub Time Machine's. The new EP should be finished in a few weeks. Until then, or until the urge for another E/N-style front page update hits me, Happy Halloweiner, fuck yourself, and go to hell.
09/21/2021_ This is the one-year anniversary of the SLIMECOP Homepage, and I wish I'd thought to do something cool to celebrate. I wish for a lot of things--and meanwhile, my Other Hand is Filled with Shit. So how about some NEWS, since that's what this section of the page is supposedly about? I'm working on some new songs for a quick n' dirty little EP, tentatively called Ultravile, which should be finished soon. I'm trying not to obsess over small details or get too ambitious. That's what I did last time, and I think the results were kind of disappointing. So for this album, I'm keeping my expectations low. You can't fail if you never try!
07/04/2021_ Independence Day, 2021...I don't remember what I did for the 4th last year, but I'm sure I just stayed home and drank. That was pretty much every day from March 2020-June '21. But today was different. Today I left home briefly, saw that everything was closed for the holiday, then came back home and drank. People in the neighborhood were setting off huge fireworks, and I made my token contribution by lighting a few M-80s and tossing them in the back yard. This holiday mostly brings to mind the smell of mosquito repellent (summer mosquitos were fucking horrible in the flat, ricegrowing part of the state I grew up in) and fireworks going off over the lake at Craighead Forest Park. One particularly memorable 4th for me was in 2007. A friend of mine was renting a house from his brother, and several other friends were living there. I hung out at that house all summer. On the 4th of July, we ended up playing a game called Vietnam, where we chased each other around the house throwing fireworks at each other. I got pinned down in the garage, so I grabbed a rusted-out 16 gauge shotgun salvaged from an old farmhouse and jammed a bunch of bottle rockets down the barrel. I couldn't figure out how to light all the fuses at once, so I poured some kind of flammable liquid on the gun and lit the whole thing on fire. I held it out in front of me while the bottle rockets went off at random, trying to aim them at my friend, who was tossing bombs into the garage which screamed as they bounced off the walls and exploded a few feet away from me. I miss being stupid...so anyway, fuck America and fuck you too.
05/02/2021_ The new album EATING WIRES & LIGHTING FIRES has just been posted. It's a half-hour of brain poison that makes you die. You can stream it from the album page as usual, and if you like it (or if you just feel like throwing your money away), you can download it on my bandcamp page for the price of a Little Caesar's Hot-N-Ready pizza.
01/24/2021_ As a weekend project, I re-recorded the dismember the '90s LP on an old VCR to give it a more authentically shitty sound. You can listen to the results here. I consider this the definitive version of the album, and since I'm the only person who will ever listen to the fucker I guess that makes me a goddamn expert.
12/24/2020_This blighted fucking year is almost at an end. I've got no major updates, but I thought I'd make one last post before 2020 is over, just to keep the front page looking current. In honor of Father Christmas, brutally martyred in the scum pits of Dinghis Khan exactly two thousand and twenty years ago tomorrow, I've got a seasonally-appropriate link from the archives: the Newgrounds Christmas Collection, as it appeared on 12/17/01. You can't really get the full effect since Flash is now seemingly unusable in any browser, at least if you're running an up-to-date version of Windows. People who are cool enough to still have a Windows 98 or XP machine working might be able to experience the magic of dead baby dress-up or Pico's School, but the rest of us can just eat shit and die I guess. This isn't really a big deal, since the Ruffle emulator makes it possible to run old Flash content in a modern browser, but anything that isn't deliberately archived is apparently just gone. That means old Web sites that made heavy use of Flash objects (including some of mine) will now be unviewable in their original state. It's the farthest thing from a tragedy in a year full of real-life horrors, but it still marks the end of an era. The Flash Age, or something... What the fuck was I talking about?
10/31/2020_Happy birthday, Satan! To celebrate the birth of our Lord Below, I've added some spooky sites to the Archived Oddities section of the links page. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish hiding dirty needles and razor blades in this Halloween candy.
10/11/2020_There's now an embedded midi version of the dismember the '90s? theme that autoplays on this page. Unfortunately, it only seems to work in Internet Explorer. Chrome will let you open the file outside the browser in Windows Media Player. With Firefox, it doesn't work at all. As for Edge, Safari, or obscure browsers known only to 1337 h4x0r d00dz, I have no idea. I do know that browser incompatibility was a normal part of the '90s internet experience, so consider this a feature.
10/7/2020_ I've added an excerpt from my novel Pizza of Death to the Book page. If you have the sudden, irrational urge to give me some money, you can go to the Pizza of DeathAmazon page and buy it for the low, low price of $4.99.
10/4/2020_The Music section has been updated with pages for each album, complete with summaries that are WAY TOO LONG. Some of the info might be interesting to the six people who have listened to this shit.
9/21/2020_Today marks the creation of the official SLIMECOP Web page, not counting the various SoundBandClickSpace pages that already exist. I hate those clean-looking generic templates. This one is as ugly and messy as inside my head. This is the first homepage I've fucked around with since 2003, but it's coming back to me pretty fast. Somehow I've gotten better at ripping off HTML from other sites in the meantime. Thanks to the archive, there's endless bad Web design to plunder from the relevant era (1996-2003). In the coming days, I'll continue adding features and making this a proper homepage.
to visit this site. 
