6 Mantras I Am Living by as I Approach 40
Challenging my internalized ableism and perfectionism is a work in progress
Who was I at 16? What did I stand for at 19? What was I struggling with at 23? What was I proudest of at 27, and absolutely intolerant of at 33?
Lately, I’ve found myself doing this exercise of putting myself in my past shoes, checking which still fit and which ones I’ve since discarded.
Naturally, the priorities and preoccupations that take up my headspace now are not (entirely) the same as they were a decade ago. At 29, I was in the final year of my PhD with an illusion of life balance that was chronically overturned by the round-the-clock expectations of academia. I was also trying to hide my disabling illness from my supervisor and my peers, and pushing myself harder than hard, to make up for all the days I spent incapacitated in bed or the floor. Pacing was not part of my vocabulary. Neither was no. It took several years after that point to figure out that I could still be ambitious while also fiercely protecting my wellness, and that quitting certain things (and certain people) is actually the opposite of giving up.
As we ride tides with joy and grief in our sails, our mindset during a particularly choppy season in our life has the power to create a shift, however…
